#how are we coping with the heat wave everyone?

[ionomycin]

Mother of Pearl

[hellfiremunsonn]

Why Are You So Nice To Me? Joseph Quinn x Reader

Why Are You So nice To Me?

I DO NOT ALLOW MY WRITING TO BE REPUBLISHED ANYWHERE OTHER THAN MY OWN BLOG WITHOUT MY CONSENT

SUMMARY: This new life is taking a toll on you. Desperately trying to not seem ungrateful leads you to an overstimulated panic attack that Joe helps you through.

18 + IF YOU ARE NOT 18 OR OLDER DO NOT READ OR INTERACT WITH MY WRITING. IT IS NOT INTENDED FOR MINORS. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MEDIA YOU CONSUME.

AN: A big thank to @creme-bruhlee​ for giving me that one liner that sparked me to finally finish this. I love u

Warnings: None really? Fem!reader, reader has a panic attack/anxiety attack, mentions and descriptions of said panic attack/anxiety attack, Joe being the softest sweetest boy, I love him. (IF THERES ANYTHING I MISSED LET ME KNOW)

Wordcount: 3069

Since the premier of Stranger Things season four my life hadn't had a moment to slow down. It was interviews after interviews, sometimes multiple ones in the same day, different hosts, different shows, websites, everything. Adding all of that with so much traveling, especially with Jospeh, Jamie, and I being three new characters; our schedules were often linked together because of it; Although now, I stood a few feet away from them, leaning against the wall closest to the elevators.

It was about 6 pm at night and I was standing in the lobby of some fancy hotel in Brazil. A white and black dress wrapped against my skin, the hot weather and sun, giving me a healthy bronzed glow. I stupidly decided on a classic pair of very high all black stilettos. I should have opted for an open toe wedged heel or something. But I wanted to impress everyone. My first acting gig, first round of interviews, first time traveling far without family, it was nerve wracking but I wanted every second of it to go well. Something I didn't think that would bother me as much as it did, was not constantly having my phone on you. I didn't realize how much I relied on it as a coping mechanism when I was anxious, or uncomfortable. It was difficult to not have that immediate distraction.

Picking at the black nail polish on my thumb I sighed heavily, trying to get myself into the proper mindset for this Stranger Things party? Event? Meet and greet? Whatever it was, I was ill prepared and uncomfortable to say the least. Jet lagged, sweaty, homesick, and anxious; but it didn't matter, not when you had fans to impress, people to impress, companies to impress. I never had a moment with my own thoughts for more than five minutes before being escorted to another room, car, or airport, it was always something. Not to say I wasn't grateful for everything because I truly was; just there's simply nothing that can prepare you for something like this. A cliche at its finest. I had to stop myself from laughing out loud at my own thoughts. Only another 'famous' person would understand, and in a way it almost felt pathetic, even if I knew it was true.  

A tap to my shoulder startled me slightly. I turned around to see Joe with a soft smile on his face.

"You alright?"

"Yeah, just tired" I lied. I think he could tell by the way his eyebrows furrowed slightly but he didn't comment.

"The heat doesn't help either I don't think" He said laughing.

"God no, it makes me feel like I'm wrapped in a warm hug, but also in a warm bath? Maybe both at the same time? I don't know but either of those sound better than a party right now" I said sighing. Tapping the tip of my shoe against the shiny tiled floor.

Joe looked like he was about to say something but just as he opened his mouth, we were waved over and instructed on where to go and what to do.

The three of us stationed at the entrance of grey double doors. I stood between the two men, both of their arms coming to wrap around my waist, and mine on theirs.

"Let's get this show on the road yeah?" I said forcing a smile, glancing between the two.

The doors swung open and as the three of us sauntered in, the small but crowed room filled with applause and music begun to play. Jamie slipped his hand into mine and gave me a slow twirl to introduce me. I blushed and gave an awkward wave, and a clumsy curtsy to match his energy. Then turning to Joe, I grabbed his hand and twirled him around to do the same as Jamie did to me. Joe was far more graceful as I was and I watched as the girls swooned over him. It was hard not to, if I was being completely honest with myself; but that was another thought for another time. Right now I had to be present, and put my game face on. Which is exactly what I did. I walked around and mingled with everyone, taking pictures and answering questions as best as I could, especially without giving anything away, just incase there was anyone around who hadn't had the opportunity to finish the season just yet. The music was uncomfortably loud and I struggled to hear what people were saying, barely able to make out the often broken English, but I tried my best.

After a while I snuck away to the back of the room, attempting to people watch while I clutched my glass of ice water to my chest. A few minutes alone and hidden from the eye of people I leaned my back against the wall, trying to regulate the beating of my heart. Nothing seemed to help it, and it only became worse, at this point I was facing the wall, desperately begging myself to stop hyperventilating. I could feel my bottom lip wobbling as I tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. A hand on the small of my back startled me and I almost dropped the glass in my hands as I whipped around. It was Joesph, once again, a knight in shining armour. "What are you doing all the way over here?" He asked.

I looked at him. My heart still thumping in my chest, and I could feel words on the tip of my tongue but when I opened my mouth to speak they wouldn't come out. My brows furrowed, and the only noise I was able to make was a small whimper, but it sounded more like a choke. "Come 'ere" He said wrapping his arm around my waist. He took the glass from my hand and placed it on a nearby surface. Strategically moving around the people in the room as he lead me out and back into the lobby. Security following us quickly until we were safely out of sight from any lurking people. My chest rising and falling faster now, my hands covered my ears and my eyes were shut tight out of instinct and I didn't even realize I had done it until Joe was facing me in the elevator placing his hands over mine. My anxiety had heightened everything, every noise, and light and moment seemed all too much and I could feel myself getting overstimulated; suddenly hyper aware of how the fabric of my dress clung to me, and the way the tag was digging into my spine.

When I opened my eyes to look at him, the tears hidden behind my lids fall easily down my cheeks. When the elevator dinged he lead me down the hall; his hand still on the small of my back only letting go of me to reach out for the small bag I clutched in my hands. "Key?" He said softly and I fumble with shaky hands, pulling out the keycard to my hotel room. He took the card gently, his free hand never leaving the small of my back while he unlocked the door, encouraging me to walk in before him, stopping only a few feet from the door. He closed and locked the door behind me and came to face me again.

"What's going on?" He asked quietly, while his hands were rubbing both my arms up and down in attempts to sooth me.

"I-I just" I choked out a sob, my head falling to my chest.

"Hey you're okay, everything's okay"

I shook my head. "No, no everything is not okay, I'm not okay" I cried, pulling away from him a little more aggressively than intended. Leaning one hand on the wall I balanced on one foot ripping one of my heels off, and then doing the same with the other shoe. Chucking them onto the floor. I desperately grabbed at the back of my dress, trying to reach the zipper. "I'm losing my goddamn mind Joesph" I mumbled, through snot and tears. "I can't remember the last time I was home, or the last time I slept in a bed that wasn't in a hotel. I haven't seen my mom in months and I'm so fucking lonely and I fuck!-" I stopped trying to reach for the zipper, my hands balled into fists at my sides. I tried again to take control of my rapid breathing, I really didn't want to be having a full meltdown in front of anyone let alone Joesph but he stood there quietly and patiently, giving me the space I needed.

Calming slightly I tried reaching for my zipper again, only for it to get stuck about a quarter way down, stuck on the fabric. I tugged at it harshly before trying to pull it apart but I couldn't get a proper grip reaching behind me.

"Can I get your zipper for you?" He asked after a had a couple of minutes to lose my temper.

"Please?" I said desperately, turning around and walking back over to him, my bare feet padding against the floor. I turned around so my back was facing him, pulling my hair to the side and over my shoulder so it wasn't in the way. His fingers traced lightly against the back of my neck, moving a few pieces of hair I had missed in the process. Goosebumps coated my skin and I tried to control the shiver that attempted to surface, hiding it with a shaky inhale. He pulled at the zipper, bringing it back up and down, feeling it tug at the fabric again, even with Josephs nimble fingers.

"Just rip it-Please I need it off of me" I pleaded.

I felt him tug at it a few more times before I heard him sigh, shifting behind me. I went to turn around when his hands returned to my back and he pulled both ends of my dress apart, ripping it in one go. I gasped in relief, almost losing my balance, one of his hands coming to land firmly on my waist pulling me back into him, my back against his chest, holding me steady for a moment. The dress hung loosely under my breasts, sitting at my waist, my strapless bra keeping my chest covered.

Joesph cleared his throat and I turned my attention back to him, stepping away from him and turning to face him. He avoided looking at me, eyes looking every direction other than the one in front of him. "S-sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable I just n-needed to get that dress off of me" Stuttering over my words, with my body still wobbly from the anxiety.

"S'all good, I just didn't want to make you uncomfortable either" He said laughing a little, his cheeks slightly flushed. "Can I do anything to help?"

"Um, a hug would be nice?" I said clenching and unclenching my hands, trying to free them from the tingling numbness that coursed through them.

His eyes softened, and I felt a fresh wave of tears form as he held his arms out to me. A small cry slipping past my lips, sounding more like a pathetic whimper as I walked into his arms, burying my face into his chest. His hands warm, one of them coming up to the small of my back, while the other cradled the back of my head. "I got you baby, don't cry, m'right here" he said quietly, into my temple. His breath warm as he placed a small kiss to the skin just before my hairline.

He began swaying slowly back and forth, and we stood there like that for a few moments before I leaned my head up to look at him, cheek still resting on his chest. "Why are you so nice to me?"

"What?" He said, pulling me away from him slightly so he could see my face better. Hands held softly onto my elbows. "What do you mean 'why' ?"

I shrugged looking down to avoid his curious eyes, a little embarrassed at my question. "I just... I dunno, I think you're the nicest man I've ever met" catching a quick glance at him, his eyes softened.

"Fucking christ" he breathed with a laugh. "You're just the sweetest thing aren't you? Bet you don't have any idea"

"Any idea about what?" I asked furrowing my brows.

"That I've been crushing on you since you walked into that room on day one of the table read" his hands coming up to rest on either side of my neck, thumbs just under my jaw. "But I don't think now is an appropriate time to tell you all this- I don't want you to think I'm taking advantage of you being in a vulnerable state, so just ignore me" He was blushing, and fumbling over his words, nervous after his confession. A hand coming to scratch at the scruff on his chin, he cleared his throat, turning away to the rest of the room and said "lets get you into some comfier clothes yeah? We could-"

"N-no" I stuttered, reaching out for his arm quickly. He raised a brow. "Just keep talking? It's helping" I said bashfully, arms wrapping around myself.

He smiled slightly, clearly trying to act more casual about it. "I can do that" he said with a nod.

"Just, sit on the bed o-or something, I'll um, get changed" I said while heading towards my messy suitcase, shifting through the clothes to find something better to wear while Joseph sat on the end of the bed, laying back facing the ceiling with his hands across his stomach.

"Well as I was saying" he said with a laugh. "When you walked into the room, with that big sweater- you were swimming in it but god I thought you looked adorable" he sighed. "You sat next to me, and I remember hiding my pen, just so I could ask you to borrow one, and then when you laughed? I tried so hard to play it cool, but I don't think I did very well" he paused. "I mean how could I when someone as beautiful as you was smiling and laughing, and looking at me with those fucking eyes"

It was almost difficult listening to someone say so many nice things about me, to me, let alone hearing them from Joe himself. The man I had been crushing back on since the first time I saw him.

I smiled to myself listening to the sound of his voice while I finally found the clothes I wanted, a pair of green paperbag shorts and a white t shirt, something comfy enough to relax in, but loose enough to not sweat to death in. Joe was lost in thought, and I watched him out of the corner of my eye while I slipped out of my dress, removing my bra quickly, throwing on a soft bralette in it's place before tugging my shirt over my head. The movement of me untucking my hair from the collar made Joe turn to me briefly and he smiled.

I blushed, looking down bashfully as I tugged the shorts up my hips with a couple of hops. "Distracted?" I teased.

"M'always distracted when I look at you" he said sitting up, holding his hand out to me. I walked over to him slowly, taking his hand in mine.

He pulled me closer to him so I was now stood in-between his legs "How you feeling?" He asked, thumb smoothing over the back of my hand.

"Better" I said honestly. "Still a bit jittery, but better"

"Good" he said smiling.

"I um" I cleared my throat "I have a crush on you as well, by the way"

"I know" he laughed.

"What?" I scoffed "How?"

"You're a great actor when you're acting for the camera, but you're shit when you're with me" He laughed again and his smile spread, all too confident and cheeky. "Every scene we had together you'd tense every time I touched you, and when we had our kiss, I could just feel it"

"O-Oh" I was slightly embarrassed, but I think deep down I always knew that he had some sort of idea, it was getting impossible to hide. Maybe I was trying to hide it from myself more than I was from him. His hand left mine, both of them coming to the back of my thighs, squishing the skin there. I stumbled a little at his touch, my hands coming forward to catch myself on his shoulders.

"Are we going to keep pretending, or can I finally call you mine?"

"I mean we should probably go on a date first" I said jokingly, leaning forward to wrap my arms around his neck, his hands quick to land on my waist.

"Order room service, I'll take you our tomorrow, right now I just want to hold ya, and watch you get all shy when I say nice things about you" he said with a smirk, pulling me into him while he fell back onto the bed, pulling me up and next to him.

"You just want to get me in bed" I teased, playing with the collar of his suit jacket.

"Aren't you already?" he quipped.

I pushed at his shoulder playfully but he only tugged me closer, leaning so he could kiss me on the forehead.

"I'll go get changed while you order food yeah?"

I pouted, holding onto him a little tighter, already not wanting him to be far from me.

"I'll be five minutes, you wont even have time to miss me" he said while pushing some of my hair back and away from my face.

"Kiss me first?" I asked shyly.

Somehow this kiss felt different. We had kissed many times on set, and even had to have a heavy make out session for one scene. But right now, the way he slowly pressed his lips to mine; it made everything inside of me feel aligned, like he was missing from me and it almost took me too long to notice. I sighed happily into the kiss and he hummed in response, breaking away to give me a few extra light pecks before pulling himself from me.

"Five minutes" he said quietly, kissing me one more time before he left, a wide smile on his face.

[pickledpascal]

Meat & Candy

Chapter Three

Warnings: innuendos, sibling teasing, dean being nervous, swearing.

Word Count: 3.6k

Meat & Candy Masterlist

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Before Castiel left the restaurant, he and Dean exchanged numbers to work out a time for Dean’s “lesson.” Castiel couldn’t help but feel excited about it.

Not only because Dean was an attractive man but because he loved food and he loved seeing the process of a professional chef. The way they moved around in a busy kitchen, how they prepared for the upcoming day, the precise hand of how they plated a dish—it all interested him. And told Castiel a lot about a chef. Would Dean be one of those hot-headed chefs who screamed at his staff when a plate came to the pass raw and ultimately pushed his chefs to be better? Or was Dean more calm, collected, and gently pushed until he’d talk with one of his chefs about their performance?

Castiel hoped it was the latter.

As Dean’s eyes followed Castiel through the windows, Sam snickered behind him. Dean turned, rolling his eyes. “Spit it out, Sammy.”

“‘Would you like to come back tomorrow?’ So we can kiss on the mouth?” Sammy mocked in a deeper voice, imitating Dean. “You’re so obvious sometimes, Dean. I’m surprised Castiel didn’t just kiss you goodbye.”

Dean titled his head. “What?” He felt dizzy. Did Castiel like him? Well, Dean knew he could be charming and he knew his looks were enough to make anyone fall for him but he’s had…. Issues. Enough issues where he still got surprised that people found him attractive and liked him for who he was. Yeah, that still got him. 

“You’re so fucking oblivious sometimes, I can’t believe you.” Sam let out a sigh, pushing a hand through his hair. 

“Or maybe you’re just seeing things.” Dean pointed out, trying to push away the fluttering feeling in his chest.

The last time Dean had a relationship was nearly sixteen years ago when Emma was born. He had this on-and-off thing with Benny but Dean wouldn’t call that a relationship. More like friends with benefits. Plus, he cut that off a while ago. Now, they were just friends. Benny met a girl named Andrea and they were engaged. Dean was happy for him. 

And Dean, for a while, was completely fine with being alone. 

Lately, Emma hasn't been fine with it. 

Did she want Dean to go home with just anyone? Absolutely not. But she wanted him to get out there. And Sam couldn't help but agree. Hell, everyone in Dean's life agreed. 

And Dean…. Well, he didn't know what to do with that. 

“What're you gonna do tomorrow anyway?” Sam asked, leaning up against the table he was working at. 

Dean pursed his lips. “The classics? Maybe something else. I've been cooking up some stuff in my head.” He joked, snapping his finger and winking at Sam. 

“You suck.” Sam wasn't impressed.

He had to deal with Dean's coping mechanisms for most of his life. Sam knew he was still affected by everything that happened to them when they were kids. Dean remembered most, if not all, of what happened to them. Sam, not so much, simply because he was younger and his early years were a little fuzzy. 

“And you swallow.” Dean countered.

Sam let out a frustrated sigh as he rubbed his forehead. “Get the fuck outta here and get the shit for our tasting session.” 

Dean laughed and nodded. “Gotcha. See in a few.” He went to the front door. “And by a few, I mean hours.” He waved as he exited. 

One of Dean's favorite things to do as a chef is to walk around the alleyway markets, checking out the produce, talking to a few vendors, and simply taking the time to slow down. He knew a lot of chefs thrived on adrenaline and the heat of the kitchen. Not Dean. He thrived for these moments. Quiet ones. Calm ones. Don't get him wrong, he loved being in the kitchen and he loved the feeling of camaraderie among his cooks when they completed a service but he cherished his time off just as much. 

“Hey, Donna!” Dean greeted her with a wide smile. He'd known Donna for a while.

She returned the smile. “Heya, Dean. What can I do ya for?”

“I’ll take five bunches of parsley, five pounds of tomatoes, two of apricots, and,” Dean grabbed one of the granny smith apples that sat in Donna's crates and tossed it into the air. “Three pounds of apples.” 

Donna nodded and began to bag everything for Dean. She'd get one of her workers to deliver it to the restaurant. “You seen Jody yet today?” 

“No, why?” Dean cocked an eyebrow. Jody was Dean's butcher of choice and she usually came in the afternoons to drop off whatever order he made in the morning.

“She has something special for ya.” Donna winked. 

Dean chuckled softly and finished up, paying for all the things he got. He went to a few other vendors, talking and laughing as he paid for stuff. Some things he thought Emma would like. For instance, he got a citrus and herbal candle—Emma had a nice candle collection going and some of her favorite smells were citrus and floral. 

When Dean came back from the markets, Emma sat at one of the tables doing her homework. He ruffled her hair when he got close. She shot him an annoyed, but affectionate, look. 

“Math still suck ass?” He asked with an easy smile.

Emma let out a sigh as she looked down at her notebook that had scribbles she didn’t understand even though she was the one that wrote them down. “Yeah.” 

“Want a distraction?” Dean leaned in closer to Emma, a hand on the back of her chair. 

Emma glanced at her father from her work and thought it over. Dean was usually good at distractions but also good at reminding her to finish her work afterward. She stood and motioned for Dean to enter the kitchen.

Dean’s smile widened as he opened the kitchen door for her and watched as she interacted with Sam, Benny, and the other chefs—Lee, Garth, Jack, and Charlie. 

To be fair, they were family to Emma before they were Dean’s employees. 

“What should we have her on?” Lee rubbed his chin, looking at the youngest in their brigade, Jack. “Think she can handle searing off the meats?” He teased.

Jack laughed nervously, not sure if he should answer at all. “Well, uh….”

Benny rolled his eyes and punched Jack’s shoulder gently. “Don’t answer that. Lee’s just messin’ with ya.” He glanced at Emma who was glaring at them. “She could probably get every station done on time and still have time to do homework.” He winked.

Dean put a hand on Emma’s shoulder. “Must run in the family.” 

“No. Uncle Sammy sucks in the kitchen.” Emma shuddered. Sam rolled his eyes.

The room burst into laughter. “Well, it runs in my blood.” Dean rephrased. “Anyway, c’mon,” His voice shifted to the one he usually used when he had to work, yelling orders over to pass to make sure his cooks heard him. “We’re gonna do a quick spread of each dish we will be serving, the correct portioning, so take small bites to make sure it tastes how it’s supposed to. Sam,” He looked at his behemoth of a brother, “Do not take bigger bites than you’re supposed to. You’ll be leaving scraps for Jack.”

———

After the interview, Castiel got some good work done on the article at the office. Sure, he could just write down the questions and Dean’s responses but where’s the fun in that? He wanted to make it more of a “character study” than an interview. He always felt normal interview articles lacked a certain soul. They never treated the person they were interviewing as a person. 

“Hey, Cassie!” Castiel heard the familiar voice of his brother as he entered his house. And he could sense the scent of cooking wine.

“Hello, Gabriel.” Castiel greeted, seeing Claire sitting at the kitchen island as she watched Gabriel in the kitchen. Something in his heart squeezed. 

Gabriel was no Masterchef—like Castiel would assume Dean would be—but he was less helpless in the kitchen than Castiel and helped him out a lot when he worked long days and wanted to make sure Claire ate something for dinner other than Wendy’s or some other fast food restaurant. 

“How was that interview with Mr. Winchester?” Gabe asked with a suggestive tone.

Castiel tilted his head, turning to Claire. “Did you tell him?” 

Claire shrugged and shook her head. “No. I mean I told him you were interviewing someone but I didn’t remember his name.” 

Castiel looked from Claire to Gabriel with curious eyes. 

His brother shifted slightly, his smug smirk never left his lips. “I sold that spot to Mr. Winchester. His house too. And occasionally we just talk for fun.” He shrugged. 

Castiel's eyebrows raised. He had a connection to Dean? “How long have you known him?” He couldn't help but ask.

Gabriel's eyes squinted a little at him. “A while. We met while he was still in New York for culinary school.”

Castiel noted the fact that Dean went to culinary school in New York in the back of his head. He became more intrigued. Gabriel lived in New York over a decade ago. Castiel was mostly surprised he'd never heard of Dean before now. But then again, Gabriel could be the type to forget to let people know things.

He and Castiel were different that way. It was a wonder how they were related. They were very different but seemed to work well together.

“What…. Was he like?” Castiel asked, his heart pounding faster.

Gabriel shrugged, a knowing look in his eyes. “Hot. That hasn't changed much. And a little skinnier.” He laughed softly. “Now that changed. He put on some muscle. The man became a proper dilf.”

Claire tilted her head, suddenly a lot more interested in the conversation. Maybe that was part of the reason why the rumors of the restaurant were circulating around her school. 

A hot head chef with a kid? It didn't even matter if he was single or not. Say hello to daddy issues.

———

Dean couldn't keep Castiel out of his head. He was buzzing around up there like a gnat—no, more like a bee. Gnats were far more annoying than bees. Bees were more important, too. They contributed to pollen dispersal and made honey. Honey was good. As far as Dean knew, gnats simply existed to annoy the hell out of people.

He leaned up against one of the counters in the kitchen and rubbed at his temples. He hadn't felt this kind of nervousness since he and Cassie were a thing. That thought made his heart sink. 

Cassie was the last person Dean had been in a relationship with. The last person that meant something to him. In more than just a familial or friendly way. 

And, shit, he was cooking for Cas. Cooking like this was intimate for Dean. It wasn't as meaningful when he was behind a wall, cooking for tables of people but Cas would actually be able to see the work and care he put into everything. 

Wait, when did he become Cas?

Dean shook his head and took a deep breath. He tried to remember what his therapist told him. Those breathing exercises. 

In. One, two, three. Hold. Out. One, two, three. Repeat three more times to make it an even four.

His heart slowed. Dean ran a hand through his hair before he noticed Benny standing near the back of the kitchen. He stood straighter.

“Did you, uh, watch all that?” Dean asked nervously. 

Benny nodded as he approached slowly. “No worries, man. I get it. You like him. And….” He paused to try and find the right words. “It's been a while since you felt like that. Like something real might happen.” 

Dean didn't want to look Benny in the eyes because he was exactly right. Why did Dean have to surround himself with people who could see right through him? Oh, right, because he wanted to hire people who he could trust and anticipate his needs before he asked for something. 

“I'm proud of you.” Benny eventually said, eyes softening as he looked at Dean. “You deserve something nice. Someone nice.” 

Dean closed his eyes at the praise. He felt like he didn't deserve it. He still wasn't used to it, even with as much praise Ellen and Bobby had given him over the years, the feeling didn't change much from his younger years. Dads sucked like that. 

Benny pulled Dean into a hug, surprising him. Dean simply let it happen, holding onto him. 

“You're such a good dad, y'know that?” Benny pulled away slightly to look him in the eye. He just wanted to be there for his friend. “I see the way Emma looks at you. Like you hung the damn moon, just for her. You're doing good, don't forget that.” 

Dean took in another deep breath and nodded. “Thanks, man.” He leaned back against the counters. “I, um, I needed that.” He admitted.

“I knew you did.” Benny said softly. “Just… Do something for yourself for once, hm?” 

With that, Benny was gone. He had retreated through the back door to give Dean some privacy. 

Cooking could be intimate with the right person after all. 

Or it could be hell.

Dean has felt his fair share of both in his forty or so years of being alive. 

“Hello?” Castiel poked his head through the door to the kitchen, glancing around the room before his eyes landed on Dean. He had a notebook in his hands with a pen clipped on the cover. 

He looked like a nerd. With his trench coat and tie combo. It made Dean smile.

“Um, Sam just let me in. I know I'm early. Is that okay? Or do you need more time to prepare?” Castiel asked shyly, playing with the edges of his notebook. 

Dean's smile widened a little, his eyes crinkling at the edges. He quickly wiped the look off his face as he took a breath, “No, you're fine. Don't worry.” 

He clapped his hands together before he motioned for Castiel to come closer. “Take a look around. Feel free to ask me any questions while I'm cooking, I can multitask pretty well.” Dean smirked and winked at the other man, not missing the way Sam looked at him through the window between the kitchen and the dining room.

Castiel hummed a little as he eagerly looked at the pre-portioned ingredients. It seemed like he was trying to figure out what Dean was going to do with them before he started.

He had no idea.

Less than a few minutes passed before the two dishes Dean made were finished. And Castiel's mouth was watering just looking at them.

Dean slid the first dish to Castiel. “This is my version of a classic breakfast. At least, what I assume is a classic breakfast.” He flushed a little as he looked down at the dish. “Egg's benedict with bacon on top and diced roasted potatoes.”

Castiel almost didn't want to take a fork and bite into it. The hollandaise was so fluffy and perfect looking with the way it dripped down the sides of the eggs and English muffin. And those potatoes? Seasoned to perfection and so golden. 

“Is the… Is the English muffin homemade?” Castiel shook his head to try and focus. 

Dean shook his head. “Charlie's a good baker but no. We get them locally though. A friend, Cassie, owns a bakery down the street.” 

Castiel took a quick note. Dean sources his ingredients locally. And then he cut into the dish. And, shit, the egg was poached to perfection. The yolk ran out elegantly. He wasn't sure how else to describe it. He wanted to drink it like water. When he finally put a piece of it in his mouth, he let out a small sigh. 

Castiel has had the pleasure of eating at some of the most expensive restaurants in Chicago and across the US because of his job but this… this felt like he got transported to Heaven and was cooked a meal by God himself. 

He wished the meal could last forever. Alas, he ate the dish in a mere minute or two. 

Dean let out a small laugh. “Hungry?”

“I barely ate today.” Castiel admitted. Maybe that was why it tasted better than anything he'd ever tasted before. But, at the same time, perhaps Dean was just that good of a chef. 

Dean's eyes softened with a glint of sadness, sliding over dish number two. “Well, I'm glad you could fill up.” He scratched his eyebrow for a second. “This is, uh, homemade spaghetti with garlic, parsley, bacon bits—because I gotta put bacon in nearly everything—red pepper flakes for some spice. And I tossed it in some tomato sauce.” 

Castiel looked at this dish carefully. It had some nice color with some red, green, and yellow and it didn't hurt that the bottom of the bowl wasn't dripping in sauce. Which was nice. However, he wasn't the biggest fan of bacon in pasta dishes. 

“Why lightly toss the pasta?” He asked, curious. Surely it wasn't just for aesthetic reasons.

Dean chuckled a little at the question before he leaned against the countertop. “Gives the dish a nice color plus I want to save most of the sauce for other dishes. And I didn't want to overpower the dish. The red sauce I make can be….” He tried to find the right words. “Very flavorful in large amounts.”

Castiel raised an eyebrow at that before he swirled his fork in the pasta and took a bite. Well, shit. Those bacon bits worked pretty well in this dish. And he could understand what Dean was saying about the sauce. It was wonderful in this small amount but he wondered what it'd taste like if he had a pitcher that he could drink from. 

He scribbled down a few more notes in a frenzy. Mostly just flavors and the composition of the dish.

“And, uh, who do you staff here? Professional chefs like you? Or are you open to anyone?” Castiel asked after a few minutes of other questions. 

Dean pursed his lips for a second before his lips broke out into a smile. “I hire friends, mostly. Formal education or not. If I know you're good enough to work for me, then you're good enough.” He explained softly. “Like my best friend Benny, he's my sous, he used to work in New Orleans making lobster rolls and shrimp at little hole-in-the-wall places. Or, uh, Charlie, my pastry chef. She'd always make cakes for my birthday and they were incredible.”

Castiel chuckled softly. That would be a dream, getting to hire all your friends to work for you… Half his coworkers sucked. 

“I try to make a positive environment for my chefs. And my waiters. And my stage, Sam.” Dean smiled softly. “I know a lot of kitchens can get heated. I don't want that. My daughter comes into the kitchen a lot to help and I don't want her seeing me throwing a pan at someone.” He quickly added, “I mean, I wouldn't do that to begin with but… I've seen it happen.”

“Don't worry. I get it.” Castiel smiled at Dean, glancing up from the counters to his face. He tilted his head. “You mentioned you had a daughter twice. Once yesterday. Is that why you wanted to do this? Give her something… to have later on?”

Dean licked his lips and shook his head. “My daughter… she pushed me to do this. To have something I could call my own that I didn't have to share with anyone. Sam helped me a lot, sure, but this is my restaurant. I don't have a partner or co-owner. It's… it's mine.” He took a deep breath, rubbing a hand up his face for a second. “I haven't had something like that in a while.”

Castiel nodded, his eyes softening as he looked at Dean. He made Castiel think of his own daughter. Maybe he was being too selfish and tried to focus too hard on advancing his career instead of Claire.

She deserved more. 

“How… How do you think you did? As a parent?” Castiel asked softly.

Dean let out a soft laugh. “I don't know. Emma would say I'm the best dad ever but I'm not sure. There were times I struggled to pay bills but… but we always ate dinner together.” He loved those times, as much as they sucked.

Emma was such a wonderful child that Dean wasn't sure if that was his nurture or her nature. She always wanted to help in the kitchen. Perhaps it's because he liked it so much and she wanted to know why.

With grease stains on his shirts, oil scars on his hands, and a towel on his shoulder to pick up hot things. All Dean remembered was her smiling face biting into one of his burgers, with one of her front teeth missing. It's like he could see the memory shifting before his eyes. To Emma just a few days ago doing the exact same thing.

Fuck, Dean loved her with all his heart. 

———

taglist: @nexus-my-beloved

[minmimi2]

one final night / Maverick

˚♡⋆｡ pairing: maverick x reader

˚♡⋆｡ warnings: age gap, bit of angst, but we love a happy ending in this house.

˚♡⋆｡ summary: on what you think might be your final night alive before the mission, you can't help but to say all there is in your heart, especially if it meant confessing your feelings for maverick.

you’ve been pinning over maverick for over a couple of months now, being around him everyday wasn't easy, but apparently it wasn't the most subtle crush either, you keep your professional gaze all along, but according to phoenix, your eyes were always scanning the room searching for him and once you’ve found him they’ll just stay there, lingered to him. That wasn't something you could confirm…you just hopped not to be so obvious about it, it was almost irritating how attracted you were to Mav, despite the age gap, and the different ranks and the detail of him being your captain in this risky mission, there was not a moment in your loneliness you couldn’t help but to think about his stunning smile and impressive presence, leaving everything else that forced the two of you apart out of the picture.

Admitting your feelings for your captain was something you swore to yourself to never do, that would be the one thing you’ll drag to your tomb. But when the upcoming mission came to your mind, you couldn’t help but feel your heart sink at the thought of him or you not coming back and never getting that out your chest. The annoying little feeling of complete overwhelmness around him.

The night before the mission everyone was having fun on the hard deck, without drinking obviously, but definitely living like it was everyone’s last night alive, and it might be. You made sure to have as much enjoyment as you could around everybody before stepping out into the beach for a break, very much needed from the saturated euphoria inside.

You wanted to be satisfied with your so-called last night on earth, and look at the ocean and its waves for a last time, at least for now.

You decided to sit down on the sand, with a beer in your right hand. The night was cold, enough for you to hug your knees against your chest, but it was okay, nothing really mattered tonight.                      

You felt a body sitting next to yours, swifting your head to your left, you felt your heart skip a beat when you realize who it was, of course you knew he was here with the others, but not really thought of Mav following you outside and sitting so close to you.

“hey y/n” he muttered, the words got stuck in your throat as you tried to answer back, so you just made an awkward moment with your head, why did he have to make you so damn nervous, “a beautiful night isn’t it?” Maverick continued, you took one quick look at the ocean just to face him again, taking your time admiring his side before saying “yeah, it really is” your eyes moved along his features, moving them again faster when you saw him turn his head to you. After a moment of silence you decided to speak, “are you nervous captain?”, he took one short breath utterly to shine a little smile at you, “yes, i wish i could say no, i don’t cope well with…well, any kind of feeling” you both laugh a bit, “it’s okay to feel like that Mav” you paused, glancing at the night sky, full of shining stars, “it’s an important mission after all” “it is” he whispered back. 

You took a sip of your beer, feeling your cheeks heating up a little bit, “have you ever-” you stopped, regretting letting the words out of your mouth in the first place, “nevermind” you shook your head, “no no, tell me” you swore he moved an inch closer to you, “is just…” you let your eyes fall into his, staying like that a moment, “i- i feel like i haven’t been completely honest with someone and it burns me to think of never letting them know”, you felt your eyes beginning to fill with tears, allowing the vulnerability to wash all over you, his lips became a thin line, “i’ve always tried to get everything of my chest before i flew, but i know what you mean, it’s never easy” you gave him a couple of nods, feeling some cold and wet couple of tears spilling from your eyes, you made sure to sweep them off quickly, if only he knew, you thought. You inhaled some air into your lungs and tried to reason with your brain, “but you know…” his voice was soft against the wind “if you really feel like it, then you should tell them, it’s only gonna make your heart lighter” you found the strength to look at him once more, and nodded again, flickering your tongue inside your dried mouth, “i wish i could say something” your voice came out broken, his head moved partiality to the side, with a confuse grin, “look y/n, for as long as i’ve known you i’ve learn how strong of a person you are, but i think some things are better to let go off and not hold them in, i really wouldn’t like anything to affect your performance tomorrow up there” his eyes shifted to the sky, “but if you ever need someone to talk to, just want you to let you know i'm here”, you blasted a small smile, “that’s the problem” you mumbled, his eyebrows frowned and he opened his mouth a little bit just about to speak, but your voice cut off his chance to “you’re always here” his eyes squizeed together, “and it’s killing me” you decided to look into the dark of the night as you finally let go of everything “ever since the first time you crossed the door i haven’t been able to stop thinking about you” his breath shifted by your side, your body was shaking, either for the cold wind against your still body or the moment of tension, your heart beatting so fast you could hear the blood pumping trough your ears, you let a sigh off your mouth as you closed your eyes and leaned down your head, just a second, before your eyes encounter his again,“i really like you, and i don’t know what to do” you breathed out.

Maverick’s expression was something you couldn’t define, you wondered what could be going on inside his head, a moment passed through, you saw his body leaning forward to yours, and his hands slowly rising to cup your cheeks, getting impossibly close, if your breathing wasn't already accelerated now it definitely was, you could smell the bitter taste of beer over his breath, you brushed your tongue over your lips, “you sure about this?” he breathed against your lips, with the little functioning of your brain you answered “positive, captain” his eyes moved along your mouth all the way to your blissful eyes a few times before he leaned in and connected his lips to yours. 

The sweet taste of him had your knees go weak, your hands moved around the back of his neck, pulling him in until you almost fell on your back, this was something you could do forever, his hands on you and your hands on him. The kiss lasted until you were both out of breath, making sure you took your time showing him how much you really did like him, not knowing if you'll ever have the chance to do this again. 

The after view was amazing, his hair was kinda messed up and that made him look so cute, and his lips were a little swollen and red-ish, his chest coming up and down erratically, you figured you weren’t any better, “you have no idea how much i wanted to do that” he said in between breaths, you didn’t responded, insted, you threw yourself back into his arms, holding him tight, and crashing your lips against his, in a much deeper and needy kiss, grabbing a handful of his jacket, he wasted no time in getting his hands over your waist, pulling you on his lap as you pressed into him. In between little kisses you laughed “and you have no idea how much i want you” his forehead was lightly pressed against yours, his teeth were full on display, flashing one of his magical smiles, “i really like you too sweetheart, but i do know what to do about it” you gave him a playful grin “you do? please enlighten me captain” he laughed, turning his face to the side a bit and then back to facing you, “i'm gonna take you on a date” his eyes showed no hint of doubt “i wanna make things right with you” you tried to hide the little smile forming in your lips “what do you think? when we get back” he reassured, you felt a rush of excitement running through your whole body “i can’t wait then” his arms pulled you closer until he was hugging you and your face was buried in the crock of his neck, filling your lungs with his fragrance, already waiting to come back home.

[rays-of-fire-and-ice]

On the Shoreline

Hitsuhina Week: Day 6 - Something beautiful / Waves

Prompts: Waves, stars, vacation together

Rating: K/General but with mild themes

Setting: some time after the No Breaths From Hell oneshot

Synopsis: Upon Momo’s suggestion, Toshiro joins her and a group for a break at a seaside town. However, with his mind is heavy with recent revelations, he wonders why they are all there.

AN: Once again, I’m writing something for both @yearoftheotpevent's challenge and Hitsuhina Week.

This really started as one thing and completely transformed into something else! I was intending to do a short piece about Toshiro and Momo taking some time to relax at a beach, but nope, the angst had to get in there and not only make this fic longer, but change the whole story.

Do I think the Shinigami would actual do this after the events of the No Breaths From Hell one shot? Nope, but I wanted to try it out anyway.

In terms of music while listening I can recommend (in no particular order): Recollection 1-3 , World #07 Blues, going home, and compassion by Shiro Sagisu from the BLEACH osts, And She Translated into Sky by Levi Patel (Spotify or YT) , and Skel and Andra by Sigur Ros (Spotify or YT). If I had to recommend when to listen to these songs, I only three I feel strongly about are listening to And She Translated into Sky, Skel, and Andra in the last section of the fic, where Toshiro and Momo are walking on the beach ;)

Hope you all enjoy it!

__________________________________

Toshiro watches the heat sizzle on the horizon. Despite the sweat dripping down his temple, he doesn’t wave the uchiwa with any vigor. Eventually, he glares at the few clouds in the sky, all too far away to block the sun.

“Why did they have to pick a damn beach of all places?” he grumbles.

He tries to ignore the commotion going on inside, where everyone is trying to decide who is going to stay in which room. He should be in there, but it’ll only irritate him further, and for once it wouldn't just be from everyone’s usual antics and pointless arguing.

It had been a two months, but how can they all be acting like this after what happened?

He tilts his head down and waves his fan faster. He knows everyone has their ways of coping with things, but he'd have thought there would still be some discussion about what happened, even if it was only in passing. Why does it feel like he's the only one stuck on the revelations that came?

The door slides open and Rangiku pokes her head out, looking to the left, and then meeting his gaze when she swivels her head to the right. “There you are! What’re you doing out here?”

Toshiro pushes himself off the wall. “Are you all done in there?” he asks dryly.

“Yeah, everything is sorted.” She grins as if all the arguing hadn’t just occurred. “You know it’s cooler inside, right? When did you leave?”

“Doesn’t matter. Which room am I in?”

Rangiku huffs and steps out of the foyer, closing the door behind her. “I get that it’s hot, Captain, but you really need to relax.”

“I only came because they needed someone to supervise all of you.” That’s not entirely true, and she knows it. It had been Momo who invited him, Rangiku and Granny who encouraged him to accept, and Shunsui who had assigned him and Rukia with watching over everyone – all the while grinning and lamenting that it had been over a decade since Toshiro had a proper holiday in the World of the Living.

“It’s lucky we came at the very beginning of summer, there’s more rooms and not a whole lot of people on the beaches around here. You’ll be able to use Hyourinmaru to your heart’s content.”

“For all of you, you mean.”

“Oh, Captain, don’t be so cruel, I know you’ll use it more for yourself than anyone else!” He goes to rebut while she rummages through her short’s pocket, but he stops when pulls out a key and hands it to him. “Besides, I did a good thing for you! Like you requested, you’ll have a room to yourself with aircon.”

Oh, thank goodness.

“It’s between Madarame and Yumichika’s room and Abarai and Kuchiki’s rooms.”

He wilts. As if the heat isn't bad enough.

_________________________________

Walking into the First Division's main hall, he’s reminded of the days during and after the Quincy invasion. Most of the captains had arrived, but the usual chatter and carrying on is absent.

Iba, who stands closest to the entrance, is the only one who acknowledges his arrival. “Captain Hitsugaya,” he says with a nod.

Toshiro does the same in return as he walks past. "Iba"

Kensei, his arms folded tightly over his chest, leans against a wall next to Shinji, who’s gaze is off to the side, lost in thought. Sui Feng paces from one corner of the room to the other, each time passing Isane, who looks flatly at the ground. Lisa stands in another corner, reading one of her books, her face hidden from view.

Kenpachi, surprisingly on time for once, stands near the meeting hall’s closed doors, his back turned. As Toshiro approaches though, he shifts to look down at him. He grunts in greeting, and looks away. It’s somehow both like him and uncharacteristic of him to act in such a way.

Byakuya and Rukia both arrive, and the quiet discussion they’d been having before dies as soon as they enter the hall. Like him, they’re only greeted by Iba and try to find a place to stand. Byakuya glances at Toshiro and gives a nod. He returns the gesture, and watches as Byakuya and Rukia choose stand next to Isane, who barely manages a smile to Rukia. Both look like they want to say something, but neither speaks.

Toshiro chooses his place, standing near the meeting hall’s entrance but away from Kenpachi. He folds his arms into his sleeves and keeps his gaze on the main hall’s entrance.

The air is tense, and the silence quietly rings in Toshiro’s ears. It’s only broken when Rose and then Mayuri arrive.

The latter starts to speak – what he says Toshiro doesn’t pay attention to but it's enough to make Sui Feng stop and say somethign back to him. Their impending argument is interrupted when the meeting hall’s doors finally open.

Shunsui stands on the other side, his usual smile and casual air nowhere to be seen. Everyone files in and takes their place in the hall. Despite the solemnness of their movements, Toshiro can feel the urgency among them.

They need to discuss what happened. They need answers. How do they stop this? How many of their own had they sent to Hell over these centuries? When would their new enemy next strike? What can they do to defend themselves?

What if this conflict doesn't end like the others? What if they die? What is they have to face their own?

_________________________________

“Let’s go get some ice cream.”

Toshiro blinks out of his revere and lifts his head from his propped-up hand. Momo stands beside the table, smiling and holding a straw hat. He hadn’t even sensed her coming into the lobby.

When the small table fan propels back in his direction, sending a welcomed gust of cold air over his face, he remembers to speak. “Aren’t you going shopping with Matsumoto?”

“Yes, but you should come along too. We can grab some ice cream before we go.”

He scoffs. “Forget it.”

Momo puts her hands on her hips. “Honestly, Hitsugaya-kun, you haven’t left this inn once since we got here!”

“We’ve only been here for a day, dummy.”

“Even so! Don’t you want to see what it’s like around here? It’s been a long time since any of us have been to a new location in the World of the Living.” At his blank stare, she sighs and drops the hand holding her hat to her side while the other points to the left. “At least come out and get some ice cream then. There’s a stall down just down the street.” Then, with a rueful smile. “Besides, you know how long it can take Rangiku-san to get ready.”

He almost lets a chuckle out. He rolls his eyes to the ceiling. Even when not looking at her, he can sense Momo’s persistence. She’s always been stubborn, and he’ll never understand why it always came out whenever it involved getting him to go to places he's never been.

He exhales, making a sound between a groan and a sigh. “Fine.”

To his surprise, Momo doesn’t reach out and grab him to drag him outside and down the street. She puts her hat on, waits for him to stand and leads the way out, patient with his slower and sluggish movements. Before leaving the table, Toshiro grabs his uchiwa.

As soon as they step outside, he considers turning back. It’s hotter than this morning, and there isn’t a cloud in sight to cover the sun.

Momo senses his hesitation and gestures towards a stall a short distance away. “It’s just down there.”

Logically, he knows it’s less than a two minute walk to the stall, but did he really want to make the journey?

“I’m pretty sure they have a peppermint flavor.”

That doesn’t really sell him, but he’ll pretend it does. With more irritation than he intends, he grouses, “Let’s just go.”

Thankfully, Momo doesn’t take it personally and giggles. “You really like peppermint, huh?”

“It’s one of the few good flavors for ice cream.”

“Mango and strawberry are good too.”

He only grunts.

Their shoes clack against the pavement, and where possible they stick to the shade of trees and awnings of shops. Save for the few passing cars, the singing of the cicada, and the distant crashing waves, it’s quiet. There are only a few others outside, going about their daily lives.

He fans himself as they walk, but it doesn’t cool him down much. Heat radiates from pavement through to the soles of his shoes, and a sweat is building on his brow. The humans and Momo walk around as if nothing is wrong. How can they stand this heat?

The gust of warm wind certainly doesn’t help matters. It does, however, make him aware of Momo’s hat. On one side of the hat’s band, there’s a cluster of small flowers, coloured different shades of pink and cream, and two short cords a sparkling bead on each end sway to and fro across the brim. It looks like something she would personally pick out, she always had an inclination towards clothes with floral designs on them.

He had picked some of his clothes the week before the trip, but the rest were chosen by Rangiku. He always had an inclination towards darker colours – like the navy blue tank top and grey shorts he wears now - while she always seemed to find the right balance in brighter colours for him. For all of her faults when it came to going nuts on clothes shopping, she always knows what fashionable clothes to buy.

“The others want to go to the beach later,” Momo says. “Are you going to come along? Or is it too hot for you?”

He waves a dismissive hand. “Is Kuchiki going?"

"Yes."

"Then I’ll stay back, she can supervise."

He almost goes back on his word at her saddened frown. “Well, it’s supposed to cooler tomorrow," she says. "You’ll come then, right?”

He can't say 'no'. “Sure.”

Once they’re at the stall, he relishes the chill emanating from the glass display and the cool wind of the fan whirling behind the counter. There’s not too many flavours to choose from, mostly just the popular ones.

Momo pouts. “Ah, it’s a shame they ran out of strawberry.”

He points to the mango flavour. “You could just get that.”

She shrugs. “Maybe, but I like to have two different flavous when I can. What do you think would go well with mango?”

Toshiro considers, perusing each flavour. Eventually, he points to the best one he can think of.

Momo snorts, her fingers pressing over lips in an attempt to suppress a giggle. She fails miserably at his incredulous look.

“What’s so funny?” he asks.

“I’m sorry, it’s just…Peach?”

“It’s sweet, so is the mango.”

“But…did you pick it because of that reason or because it reminds you of -- ?” She starts giggling again.

Why are his cheeks burning? No, this won’t do. He’d honestly picked it because he thought the two would work together. “As if I’d picked it for that reason! We’re not children anymore!”

Realising the commotion they’re causing, and sensing the growing queue behind them, Toshiro is quick to order his two scoops of peppermint ice cream in a cup and storms off to the side, waiting for Momo under the shadow of a table’s umbrella.

Trying to ignore the stares of a few of the humans, he takes the small plastic spoon and digs in. He’s pleasantly surprised; it’s one of the better ice creams he’s had, and it’s quite cold. Gradually, with each spoonful, it has the effect of both cooling him and his annoyance down.

Did she really think he chose peach because of her name? Did it remind her of when they were kids and he’d only remember to buy peaches when she was there? That hadn’t happened since they were very young.

Momo joins him almost a minute later, and they set off back to the inn. She takes a spoonful of each scoop, and he’s about to grumble about the fact she went for his suggestion in the end until she cringes.

Her whole face scrunches up and she makes a sounds between a yelp and a gasp. For a second, he fears she’s hurt. "Wha--?"

"It’s really cold!"

Now it’s his turn to hold in a chuckle. He too fails, and he doesn’t do anything to stop it, even as she complains.

“Oooh! You knew, didn’t you?”

 “Yeah,” he chortles.

“Just because you have a tolerance for the cold!”

“You’re being childish, Hinamori.”

“I could say the same for you, Shiro-chan. You could’ve warned me!”

“That’s ‘Captain Hitsugaya’, Hinamori.”

Feeling he got the last word in, he smirks and slowly eats his ice cream right in front of her. She half glares at him. It’s not long before she lets out a huff, and what little irritation she had leaves her. "It's not a big deal, I'll just have to take smaller bites, and at least it tastes good.”

They continue on the pavement. Despite her bravado before, she still hestiates when she scoops up smaller bits of ice cream and eats them. He smirks, but otherwise doesn't tease her like before.

For the first time since he got here, he feels himself easing a little, and he looks to the source. Momo always has this effect on him at certain moments, where it was just the two of them and no one would be interrupting them. Maybe it’s seeing her this relaxed and content, it makes him want to be the same. Even as they were at the stall and browsing the ice cream flavours, he didn’t feel the usual apprehension to interacting with the person behind the counter – an old habit from his day in Junrinan, he’d realized years ago – because she was there with him.

It's not enough to lighten his mind of the thoughts that weigh him down, but they don’t churn in his head like waves in a stormy sea. He could put into words what has been bothering him. He could tell her right now, and maybe he’d be lighter. Maybe she’d already know and understand, because maybe she is still thinking about these things too.

“Hinamori…” He trails off when she looks over her shoulder at him. Momo walks in front of him in bright and colourful clothes, nothing like the uniform she takes pride in. She cradles the cup of mango and peach ice cream that’s already starting to melt. Her cheeks are flushed – or sunburned, he dreads – and up until now she’d been smiling. The little flowers and cord on her hat flutter in the wind, small and strangely fragile.

He walks past her. “Forget about it.”

She quickly comes in front of him and asks, “What is it?”

It’s rare for her to prod. Had he detected a hint of desperation in her voice? Had she noticed something in him and had been wanting to ask? He wouldn’t put it past her, she and Rangiku both have that uncanny ability to sense when he’s off kilter even when he doesn’t show it.

But now is not the time to tell her.

“Just make sure Matsumoto doesn’t spend too much, she could end up using Division funds.”

He maintains a stoic exterior in the face of her small, unconvincing smile. “Of course.”

_________________________________

A stick of incense had already been lit; someone else had visited Jushiro's gave before him. It won’t be long before it’s completely burnt out.

Toshiro makes his prays while the incense still burns, putting his hands together, closing his eyes, and bowing his head.

But what can he say? No words or sentiments come to mind. Not even hopes or wishes.

He does, however, recall a few memories of Jushiro. The first of when he first met the older captain; his long, white hair was tied back and he looked less pale than when Toshiro last saw him. He remembers the bags under his eyes getting progressively more prominent, and his absence from meetings becoming more frequent. At some point, the hair tie disappeared. His smile and optimism though, that only vanished in dire situations, but they always returned with as much mirth and sincerity as soon as the problem has been resolved.

How sharply those two things stood in contrast to what had transpired at this very spot.

Toshiro recalls with a repressed shiver the Jigoku no Rinki that had floated in the air around the grave just a week ago. A sign that the balance had been tipped, that Hell held enough power to break the peace. And they gave them that power. It was the price they all paid for becoming as strong as they did. This was the price they paid for allowing Aizen to grow as powerful as he did, and for imprisoning him when he was one of the beings keeping the balance from tipping. The irony sickens him.

He opens his eyes. Why is he here? Could Jushiro even hear prayers from where he is?

To think Souls like Jushiro are ending up there, fighting against all of it’s creatures and victims. He had no way of warning them of what they’ve been doing all of these centuries. What had he endured?

He can't keep the other possibility from turning over in his mind, and it makes his stomach churn. What if he isn't fighting against the creatures of Hell, but had become one of them?

Ichigo had told the captains what he'd seen who he'd fought against. Amongst his recollections was Sogyo no Kotowari, but the description he gave was not like the bankai Toshiro knew. It sounded warped and elongated to the point of being unnatural. He’s certain Hell had altered the former captain in more than just his bankai. How much has his appearance changed? Would he recognize Jushiro if saw him?

And not for the first time, Toshiro wonders if he will have to cross blades with him.

_________________________________

“Goodnight, sir,” Rangiku says while leaning on Momo and Hisagi. “Call if you need anything.”

Toshiro, his back turned to her, rolls his eyes to the ceiling. “We’re back at the inn, Matsumoto. Why would I need to call you?”

Rangiku giggles. “I didn’t mean on the phone!”

Momo laughs nervously. “But then he’d wake up everyone else, Rangiku-san.”

Rangiku considers for a moment, her head swaying from one side to the other. “…Oh yeah.”

“You sure drank a lot, huh?” Hisagi says.

“Hey, you drank too!” Rangiku retorts.

He chuckles. “Yeah, but not as much as you!”

Even in the dark, Toshiro can see the flush in his lieutenant and the Ninth Division's cheeks. He knows for Rangiku it's the sake, but for Hisagi it's a guess between the alcohol or from being that close to Rangiku.

Why am I even paying attention to this? Toshiro wonders.

Mercifully, they reach Momo and Rangiku’s room.

“Thank you again for paying for dinner, Captain Hitsugaya,” Hisagi says with a bow of his head.

Momo smiles at Toshiro. “Yes, thank you Hitsu – Captain Hitsugaya.” She waves her free hand. “Goodnight, and sleep well.”

Toshiro gives her a half-hearted wave back and half turns away.

Hisagi opens their door and helps Momo get Rangiku into the room as she groans about having drank too much. He comes out a few seconds later, closing the door behind him and walking into the room just opposite.

Toshiro remains in the hallway after Hisagi shuts his door. Save for a few shuffles in Momo and Rangiku’s room, the faint snoring from Ikkaku and Yumichika’s room down the hall, and the waves crashing in the distance, it’s dead quiet.

He should go to bed, but goes back the way he came, coming down to the ground floor and then out into the back courtyard. There are tables and chairs scattered throughout, some with umbrellas and others not. Beyond them, a railing lines a wooden deck that extends out to give a view of the main beach in the distance. Beneath him, only the streetlights, outdoor lanterns, and neon signs of bars, restaurants, and a convenience store illuminate the town.

He goes to the railing and rests his forearms along the top. The moon is a crescent, and he can still make out the tide crashing and receding. For the first time since he got here, it’s quiet. He’d longed for a moment like this, by himself and in cooler conditions. He thought it would be what he needed, but as he looks out over the town, it doesn’t take long for his mind to wonder. None of the humans here - or anywhere for that matter - truly know what is happening. If they did, how would they react?

His mind recalls the few times he was sent on a mission to the World of the Living, believing he was saving their world and keeping the balance. His subordinates would've felt the same, he imagines. Are they working on the reports he and Rangiku left behind right now? Are the captains and lieutenants still working to try and find out more about Hell? What if Hell is planning an attack? What if he -- ?

He shakes his head, then lets it fall to rest on his arms.

He pivots his mind to what had happened just a few hours ago. With the exception of Rukia and Ichika, they’d all gone to a shokudo for dinner. Rangiku had gotten started early on the sake, encouraging Hisagi, Ikkaku, and Renji to join her. It didn’t take long for the four of them to be carrying on, quibbling one minute then laughing together the next. He sat next to Rindou, who signed to him and the others about the food and what he had done today at the beach and in the town. Opposite them, Momo sat between Nanao and Kiyone, but every now and then she would glance in his direction. When he caught her, she’d either smile and return her focus to either Nanao or Kiyone, or she’d ask him something: ‘What did you order to drink?’, ‘How’s your dinner?’, and ‘Do you need extra ice?’.

It was a light-hearted atmosphere, but far removed from how he felt. Again, he wonders how they can act like this after everything they’d seen and heard. he almost had the urge to scream at them. Why weren't they discussing what they'd learnt? Why weren't they back at the Soul Society doing something about this?

But more than that, as he’d stared into his dinner, and as he glares at his feet now, he wonders why he can’t be like them. He can carry on professionally, continuing with paperwork and scheduling and leading his division, but outside of that…

He’d struggled in a similar way with the peace, always hypervigilant of a new threat that could appear after the war against the Quincy. He wishes he’d never lost that feeling, then maybe he wouldn’t feel as though he were struggling to stay afloat.

With a sigh through his nose, he straightens and walks back to his room. He doesn't plan to go to sleep, he knows he'll just be staring at the ceiling. He'll take Hyourinmaru, go somewhere secluded, and train.

_________________________________

“Why do you persist in coming here every week?”

Toshiro stays placid in the face of Mayuri’s irritation. The Twelfth Division captain hasn’t looked over at him, too focused on the readings a console produces.

Around them, there’s six division members busily doing the same, but two whisper their findings to each other and note them down on clipboards. However, every now and then, each officer glances over in the direction of the two captains. The only Soul who doesn’t is Nemu, who sits next to Akon and watches him as he types things into the system and explains to her what he's doing.

While being led to see Mayuri by Akon just a few minutes ago, Toshiro noticed in other lab rooms how frantic the officers were. They spoke in clipped whispers, and were quick to turn their backs when they realized he was passing by. By comparison, this lab is calm.

Toshiro folds his arms into his sleeves. “Perhaps it would be best if we speak in your office, Kurotsuchi.”

“And why should we do that?”

With a final glance to the others in the room, he says, “I’m checking for any updates on the de-zombification side effects.”

Now Mayuri whips around to him, his headpiece almost hitting the back of Akon’s head; neither his lieutenant or Nemu flinch. “And it’s as I’ve said: we’re still investigating all avenues.” The Twelfth Division Captain thrusts a hand to his console. “As is, we have more urgent matters at hand. Hell has made itself known, and we have been tasked with investigating how the Jigoku no Rinki was able to appear here, among other things. As a captain of Gotei Thirteen, you must say this take precedence, correct?”

Toshiro withholds a glare, because of course Mayuri is right. He should leave it there, just thank him for his time and go, but he’s lost his patience. “It’s been over ten years,” he whispers.

“And you rarely asked me about progress in those years,” Mayuri retorts, choosing to not lower his voice in return. “Suddenly, you’re in here every week and disrupting our work as a result.”

“It’s not my intention, Kurotsuchi.”

“Then explain yourself, if you would be so kind.” His voice is almost venomous, but Toshiro doesn’t back down.

He closes the gap between them and keeps his voice quiet. “The last progress you made was over three years ago, and it got shelved when the last solution failed to produce any results. As far as I’m aware, you haven’t explored any other options since, or if you have, you have not made me or Matsumoto aware of them.”

“Are you questioning my rigor? Are you not grateful anymore that I saved you and your lieutenant?”

“You know I am. If not for you, we would’ve died there and then. I am simply asking why you haven’t --”

“Then leave it be! How dare you make demands when I have done that much for you!”

“Matsumoto doesn’t have much longer left to live!”

Mayuri’s annoyance alleviates somewhat, his frown deepening and turning into one of confusion. After a pause, he speaks more quietly. “It’s not her you’re concerned for though, is it, Captain?”

That catches Toshiro off guard, and he grunts in surprise. Of course he’s concerned for Rangiku, and up until now he’d had little regard for his own life being shortened. He’d willingly take the price it paid, for better or worse.

Since Hell had made itself known, however, he’d been on edge. He’d let the anxiety he kept pushing down and simmering away get the better of him. If he dies in combat now, the Soul Society would have no choice but to perform a Konso Reisai twelve years after his passing. Could they find a way to return the balance by then? He would've once unequivocally said ‘yes’, but after everything that happened, from betrayals in their own ranks to the return of the Quincy, he didn’t know anymore. If they had given Hell so much power without realizing all of these years, just how long would it take to restore the balance between all the worlds?

He has no doubt Mayuri is investigating all of this, trying to determine the best course of action for Shunsui and the rest of the Gotei Thirteen. But when would it happen? What if it took too long? What will become of him and Rangiku?

“Master Mayuri.”

Both captains look towards Nemu. The young Soul appears as neutral as her voice had been, but her hand is fisted into the sleeve of Akon’s uniform.  The Twelfth Division lieutenant’s attention had also been diverted away from the console, and he looks between his captain and Toshiro, waiting for someone to speak.

Mayuri huffs, his anger cooling a fraction. “By my estimates, you and Lieutenant Matsumoto have well over a hundred and fifty years left. We have time to find a remedy and restore your lost lifespan.” He levels Toshiro with a hardened gaze. “If you continue to come here for any reason other than findings towards any of our research on Hell, I will have no choice but to report this to the Captain-Commander. Are we clear?”

To Toshiro’s bewilderment, he actually waits for his answer. He has no choice, and withholding a cringe, he nods.

Satisfied, Mayuri turns away and waves a hand towards the lab’s entrance. “Akon, escort him out of the division.”

“Yes, sir.”

Toshiro remains rooted to the spot for a moment longer. It’s useless, he knows, but he somehow hopes Mayuri will change his mind, will give him even an inkling into anything he’s found.

After a beat, he follows Akon out. Neither say anything as they walk down the corridors.

It’s not her you’re concerned for though, is it, Captain?

How had he known? Did Mayuri have the same fears? That he will perish sooner rather than later, and he too could be forced into Hell if they do not find a solution to restoring the balance between all the worlds? It’s hard to imagine someone like him worrying about such things.

But then, he did have Nemu, and for all of his faults and failings, he was treating this Nemu better than the last.

Toshiro shakes his head. Everything seems wrong. Because if Mayuri Kurotsuchi of all people can understand what he’s going through, then the world has surely gone mad.

He knows as soon as he leaves here, he’ll go train. It’s the best way to deal with the pent-up emotions. It's the only way he can think of deal with their current predicament when they lack any answers.

_________________________________

Ichika’s laughter comes through the walls. Despite the fact it was the reason for his rude awakening, Toshiro’s oddly relieved to hear it. He’d seen her in the aftermath of Hell’s invasion of the World of Living; she was pale and quiet, clinging to Renji so tight her knuckles were white. She also hadn’t bothered him with spontaneous visits to the Tenth Division office since the incident.

Regardless, after two weeks, she was running around and causing mischief like always – at least according to Ikkaku and Renji. Children have that ability to bounce back, even in times of uncertainty. He remembers when he could do it, but it is a trait that has slowly faded over time.

Toshiro groans as he sits up. A tiny sliver of daylight piercing his room through the curtains. He checks his denreishikai; it’s just after eight in the morning. He’s usually up with the sun, but being on this holiday in this God forsaken heat continues to make him sluggish.

He rises from his bed and goes to the wind to draw the curtains back. At least the clouds are back today. He has a view of the biggest beach in the area, and judging from the gleam one person’s head gives off, he guesses it’s Ikkaku doing laps in the ocean; Yumichika probably isn’t far from him, likely being one of the people sitting under a beach umbrella.

If they’re already there, then the others are likely not far behind. As if on cue, he hears Renji and Ichika leaving their room, excitedly chattering about going down to the beach. As they pass his room, Rukia comments on her husband’s clothing – “Did you pick that shirt? And what does ‘Sun’s out, guns out’ mean?” – but Toshiro doesn’t hear the rest over Ichika’s laughter.

He glances at the bag Hyourinmaru is hidden away in. He briefly recalls his training from last night - not that he was able to do much without drawing unwanted attention from locals. He'd practiced his zanjutsu in a forested area on the other side of town, and had returned to inn in the early hours of the morning. At least it had tired him out enough to make him fall asleep.

With a long exhale, he focuses back on today. If he’s going to use his zanpakuto while at the beach, he’ll have to be discreet about it; and he has no doubt the others will be clamoring for him to make shaved-ice.

He goes to the bathroom, which is several degrees warmer than his room. After showering and getting changed into a shirt and a pair of board shorts, there’s a knock on his door.

“Captain, are you awake yet?” Rangiku asks in a singsong tone.

Toshiro sighs. All of this cheerfulness is too much after just waking up. “Yeah.”

She opens the door, but she’s not alone.

“We’ve got your breakfast here, Hitsugaya-kun.” Momo holds out a plastic bag and takeaway coffee cup. “I just chose what I thought you’d might like, I hope that’s okay.”

Rangiku enters his room, but stops only a few steps in. “Captain, it’s freezing in here!” she complains, rubbing her bare arms. “How do you stand it?”

“It’s hot,” is all he says as comes over to them. “Why didn’t you wake me earlier?”

“We figured you could do with a sleep in,” Rangiku says. “It’s so rare that it happens, and you’re on a break, you’re supposed to do things like that.”

“I’m supposed to be supervising over all of you.”

“Supervising,” Rangiku says under breath with a sigh. “Honestly, Captain.”

“So is Captain Kuchiki,” Momo says at the same time. “Honestly, Hitsugaya-kun, it’s okay to relax even when you’ve been assigned to watch over us.”

He shakes his head. “In any event, what’s happening today? I assume you’re all going down to the beach?”

_________________________________

Toshiro watches Granny hanging the washing. He’d tried to help her, but she’d waved him off and told him to go rest inside.

“You hardly ever get a break these days,” she said. “You’re such a hard worker, but you should rest more often.”

He'd made a pot of tea, and by the time she’s done it’ll be cool enough for her to drink. He'd also set up a bowl of amanatto and placed it next to the clay cups on the tray.

As he waits, he fiddles with one of his old spinning tops. He’d dug it out from the closet, buried behind futon mattresses and other things from his childhood. He still doesn’t understand why Granny keeps most of it, she’s always been a practical person who hates clutter.

He slowly wraps the cord around the top of the toy, but never releases it. He holds it loosely in his fingers, but his gaze remains on Granny. She bends down to her basket and pulls out another sheet to hang. In isolation, it's a peaceful image.

Her life rarely changes. She still goes to the same stalls and shops for food and household supplies. She still drinks the same tea blends, washes the same clothes and linens, and wakes up and goes to sleep at the same times every day.

Her life is simpe and despite it’s repetitiveness, it’s unplanned. Things are just the way they are, and they work for her.

For the first time in decades, he wishes he could return to that life. Even with all the negatives that came with it, compared to life he leads now, it’s peaceful and far less complicated.

He planned things to a fault, he should’ve known it would be his downfall one day; or at least, lead to disappointment when something came and ruined everything. Of course the peace couldn’t last, something had to disrupt it. Life is never the same, it's never consistent. How long had he expected it to go on for?

But that was the thing. He never made plans for the peace, he had simply lived in it. It was almost like his life before he became a captain, only with more responsibilities he could handle.

Granny turns to him after hanging up the last of the washing. Her smile widens when she spots the teapot and bowl of amanatto. He can’t help but smile back despite the growing heaviness within him.

He doesn't plan to tell her about Hell yet. He won’t break this peace for her.

_________________________________

It’s far too hot, even under the shade.

Toshiro lies his head and torso over the picnic table, a cup half filled with melting shaved ice in one hand and a spoon in the other. The shelter above and around him is made of wood and obstructs the view of onlookers that weren’t on the beach. Combined with having so few humans around, it allows him to discreetly use his zanpakuto to make shaved ice in one of it's corner.

Rangiku had gone out and bought bottles of syrup, paper cups, and wooden spoons from a nearby convenience store. All of it is stored in a freezer bag along with a bucket of the ice he’d conjured up five minutes ago. Hyournmaru lies out of sight in his own bag, but the cold flowing form the blade brushes along the floor of the shelter, cooling his feet and ankles. He considered himself a glorified placeholder for the table, and so long as he is here, no humans would come along and accidentally spot his weapon.

With some effort, he raises himself to take another spoonful of slushy ice and munches on it. He watches the group on the beach, all doing various things. Ikkaku and Hisagi race each other, doing several laps in the ocean. If it weren’t for the heat bearing down on him above and the hot sand between the shade and the ocean, he’d be doing laps himself.

He slides his gaze over to Kazui and Ichigo, both wading into the water while Orihime collected seashells along the shoreline ; they’d taken the train to come down for the day. Orihime finds a shell that makes her grin and she jogs to the Abarai family. Ichika makes a sandcastle with Rukia, giggling when Renji comes up behind her with a wreath of seaweed and tickles her with it before draping it over one of the walls. It’s then Orihime gets their attention and hands them a few seashells to decorate another wall.

Further up the beach, Nanao walks up to Rangiku, who sunbathes on a towel. She lectures Rangiku about something -- likely the fact she's sunbathing in the first place -- and his lieutenant squints up at her in response. Yumichika, relaxing under an umbrella, makes a comment which makes Rangiku snap at him and Nanao wearily rolls her head to one side.

Rindo, Momo and Kiyone had gone for a walk up the beach to the rockpools. Toshiro spots them as specks in the distance, and the footprints they'd left behind are gradually washed away every time the waves surge in.

He takes another spoonful of shaved ice, then eases back down to the table and begins to doze off. There’s only the darkness beneath his eyelids, the crashing of waves, the hot breeze that blows through, Hyourinmaru's cold circling around his ankles and the distant voices of the Shinigami and humans. He can’t relax, ending up in a state between being awake and on the verge of napping.

It’s twenty minutes later when he’s startled by a call of his name. He opens his eyes and turns his head just in time to see Kazui and Ichika racing towards him. He lets go of his completely melted shaved ice to raise himself up.

“Captain Hitsugaya!” Kazui calls out again, grinning.

“He heard you the first time, dummy!” Ichika chastises.

He thinks to lecture her about calling Kazui a dummy -- it seems like the responsible thing to do -- but someone beats him to it.

“Don’t call Kazui-chan bad names, Ichika-chan!” Momo calls out from behind. She pants and tries to keep her hat on as she rushes to catch up to them.

Ichika blushes slightly in shame, but otherwise doesn’t respond. Kazui isn't phased, his grin still in place.

With as much energy as he can muster, Toshiro lazily waves his hand in greeting before the children come to a stop in the shelter. “Babysitting?” he says to Momo.

She shakes her head. “They just happened to be on their way to see you too.”

He returns his attention to Kazui and Ichika. “You two looking for some shaved ice?”

They both nod eagerly.

“Papa said you make the best shaved ice ever,” Ichika says.

I’m the only one here who can, he thinks. He only grunts as he twists around to the freezer bag. The ice had gotten more slushy, but it's still usable. “Which flavours do you want?”

“Watermelon!” they say in unison.

Toshiro smirks. “Good choice.”

He takes out the syrup and puts it on the table, then scoops two cups into the ice and sticks a spoon in each. He hands them over to the children. “It’s all yours.”

As expected, they go crazy with the syrup, completely dying the ice red. Momo intervenes before it can get too messy, making sure most of the flavoring stays in the cups.

“You two should eat that under the shade,” she says, pointing at the umbrellas Yumichika and Nanao rest under. “And make sure you bring the empty cups back here, okay?”

Toshiro withholds a chuckle. Since when is she their mother?

Ichika and Kazui both nod to Momo, then turn back to Toshiro.

“Thank you, Captain Hitsugaya,” Kazui says with a quick bow of his head.

Ichika does likewise. “Thank you!”

He waves a hand. "Enjoy, I guess."

They take that as their cue to run off. They go to Yumichika and Rangiku, who both cease their argument when the children arrive and make room for them under the umbrellas.

He turns to Momo, but she’s still watching Ichika and Kazui. She's flushed across her cheeks and shoulders, and sand dusts her shins and sandaled feet. Strangely, he senses hesitation from her, as though she is nervous about turning to face him. It’s in her posture, which though looking relaxed to most, has the signs she’s trying to hide. Her arms are loosely braced over her midsection, and her shoulders are a few inches higher than normal.

“You want one too?” he asks, getting her attention.

Momo shakes her head, smiling. “Oh, no, I was just coming to see how you were doing.”

He ignores the small, warm flutter her concern sends through his chest and takes an empty cup out of the bag. “You might as well have one.”

She considers for a moment. “…Well, it is getting hotter.”

“Orange, lime, or watermelon? Matsumoto didn’t buy mango and the strawberry is empty.”

 “You remembered?”

He hides his embarrassment by saying nothing and stooping lower than necessary to fill up the cup with ice.

From behind, she giggles. “In that case, orange please.”

He fishes out the syrup and a spoon before he twists back around and hands everything to her.

“I’m sure everyone appreciates you doing this,” she says while pouring the syrup.

“Feels like that the main reason I’m here,” he mutters drily.

“That’s not true!”

“I didn’t mean it, dummy.”

She makes a sound between a sigh and a chuckle. “Now who’s calling people bad names.”

He rests back down on the table, watching as she takes a spoonful of orange ice and chomps down on it. She gives an appreciative hum and her smile turns into a grin. “Thank you, Shiro-chan.”

And despite her old habit, he’s certain if he were in a better mood he’d give her a small smile in return. “Captain Hitsugaya.”

She continues to eat as if she hadn’t heard him.

It feels like this is where their interaction should end, that she should walk off back to the others. She stays rooted to the spot, and it’s unnatural to him.

“You didn’t have to come check on me,” he says.

She pauses, staring down into the shaved ice. “I know.”

Why did it sound like she’d taken his comment as a jab? His frown deepens. “Weren’t you going to the rockpools before?”

“Yeah, but Rindou-kun and Kotetsu-san wanted to go out further than I intended.” She raises a foot and wriggles her toes. “I wasn’t wearing the right shoes to go with them.”

She isn’t lying, but he senses there’s more to it. As he considers whether to prod any further, she suddenly stops eating, sticking the spoon into the ice. “Have you just been lying here all day?”

He shrugs. “More or less.”

“But that’s no good. You should have something to do here!” She shakes her head. “The majority voted for a beach, but...maybe we should’ve gone somewhere else.”

“Why do you…?” Why does that strike a nerve within him? Why did she feel the need to make sure he is having a good time here? She didn’t belong under the shade, she loves the sun and places like this; most Shinigami did.

Why is he even here?

He gives a frustrated grunt. “Just go back to the others already.”

At her widened, alarmed eyes, he realizes he’d said it with the irritation he'd been trying to hide and with more strictness than he’d intended. Damn this heat! No, he can’t blame it on the weather. He’d let the heaviness in his mind get the better of him, and the uncertainty about why they are here.

He forces himself back up, ignoring the strain in his arms. After a beat, he begins to apologise. “I didn’t mean --”

She lays a hand on his. She curls her fingers loosely around his wrist, a silent way of saying he can remove himself from her grasp. Her hand is colder than usual, thanks to the shaved ice. But had they always been this small? How had he only just noticed it?

“I get it. I know the heat gets to you,” Momo says. She looks out to the sea for a pause before continuing. “I-I know it’s not much, but in the evening, it’ll be cooler. If you want to and you’re up for it, we can come back here and walk along the beach after dinner.”

“Why do you want to do that?”

“Because you deserve to enjoy the beach too.”

I don’t even like beaches, is what he’d say aloud, but he won’t.

"And…" She purses her lips, and her cheeks become a shade darker. "We're friends, aren't we? I want to spend some time with my friends. Don't you want to do the same?"

There’s that look, the one she always had when she tried to help others. He’ll never tell her how much it meant to him to see she was still capable of showing that gaze after everything she went through.

At his lack of a response, her gaze flutters to the ground. “I mean, if you’d rather be alone, then that’s okay too. Just so long as you’re able to enjoy yourself.”

“No.” He gentle extracts his hand from her grasp. She raises her head, confused.

It’s then he feels how tired he is. It’s not lethargy from the heat, it’s something deeper. Something that was the result of holding back too much, and maybe, as she waits for him to elaborate, it’s time she knew about it. “We’ll go together.”

His heart clenches at the stunned softness in her eyes. Eventually, she smiles. “Okay.”

“Oi, Hinamori-san!”

Both turn to look in the direction of Hisagi, who waves to her. “We’re doing the race now!”

“I’ll be there!” she calls back. Then to Toshiro. “I promised them I’d be the time keeper for a race they’re doing.”

Toshiro watches Hisagi, Ikkaku, Renji, Ichigo, Kazui, and Ichika all gather together on the sand. Nanao stands off to the side a small towel in her hand – probably the as a flag to signal for them to start. Rangiku uses the end of an umbrella to draw a long line in the sand.

Toshiro doesn’t see the point of racing on a beach, especially in this heat and with all of their abilities, so all he has to offer is, “Whatever keeps them entertained.”

Momo backs out of the shelter, and with the spoon still in her mouth, says something to the effect of, “I’ll see you later.”

He watches on as Momo rushes down and takes her place next to Nanao, who hands her a stop watch.

 Kazui quickly eats the rest of his shaved ice, while it seems Ichika had passed hers to Rukia. She and Renji are amping each other up, but Ichika bursts into laughter.

I want to spend some time with my friends. Don't you want to do the same?

They've never been a normal group, but this seems in character for all of them. For the first time since coming here , Toshiro has a fleeting sentiment that he's glad they can act like they always do despite what looms over them.

_________________________________

He’s rarely wondered about the future. He always did schedules for division-related activities, and would keep appointments made in mind when planning his week or month. But he never thought of any of these things beyond what was necessary. He never considered what his own future held.

There were only four instances he can think of when he pondered on what lay ahead for him: the first was when he had to leave Granny to go to the Academy, the second was when he'd been appointed captain of the Tenth Division, the third was while he recovered from his injuries after Aizen’s defeat, and the fourth was in first few months after the war against the Quincy ended.

He’s always considered himself someone who lives in the present, who only plans for the future if the present shows him he needs to. Even then, he only went as far as he needed to, never going beyond into the 'what ifs' that weren't related to the task at hand.

Lately, he wonders how the buildings around him will change as the years go by. Will they need repairs from unprecedented weather events? Will they be renovated to look different? Will the Tenth Division get another barracks as it’s forces grow in numbers?

He wonders how tall the trees in his division will grow, and if any of them will have to be cut down.

He also wonders what beings he has yet to meet. Unless Ichigo and Orihime plan to have another child, he doubts there will be more than three humans he'll ever have to introduce himself to. He keeps away from the Arrancar where possible, but he's certain there's Souls still out there he will cross paths with more than once. What new recruits will have to introduce himself to? Will any of the captains retire and be replaced?

He wonders when Hyourinmaru’s Completed form will become his true bankai, where he will no longer have to wait for the petals to fall. He wonders if the transformation will ever be less painful or strainious.

He wonders when Hell will make it’s next move. In the next year? Or month? Or week? Or tomorrow? He can see Jushiro's bankai elongating out of Hell's gates, a grotesque distortion of what they were all once familiar with. How did the rest of him look? Would he remember who any of them were? And if he did, would he resent them for what they unknowingly did?

He wonders how much longer Granny and Rangiku have to live.

He wonders how much longer he has left.

Prior to the completed form, he could never picture how he’d looked as an adult. In a strange way, it’s as if the world has told him he won’t make it, that he will only transform into that age but not live to experience it. He can’t picture Rangiku as being older than she is, or any of the his fellow Shinigami for that matter.

That of course included Momo, who sits in front of him, talking while putting paperwork in front of him. He hasn’t heard a word she’s said. Even though he can’t picture her as an adult, he’s mostly certain she has a future as one. One where she smiles often, and still calls him ‘Shiro-chan’ because old habits die hard. She still sees Renji and Izuru for the occasional meet up, and goes with Rangiku to bars and carries her back to the Tenth Division barracks. She starts a bigger literature club, where members will talk about the books they’ve read and she will make sure everyone gets a chance to talk. He can see her taking up painting on top of the drawing she already does, and her room will have the faint smell of paints and drawing charcoal.

Maybe there would’ve been a time he could see himself there too, but that window seems to get narrower and narrower the heavier these thoughts make him feel.

“Are you all right?”

Toshiro tries to keep his reaction muted, but a startled gasp still leaves him when her hand comes over his forearm. He’s about to come up with some excuse, but her concern softens him.

“You weren’t here, were you?” she says.

He looks at the paperwork, unable to deny it.

She glances down her hand, and appears surprised she touched him. She's quick to lean back, but her hand slides off his arm and remains close by. “What’s on your mind?”

The top line of the document in front of him reads ‘Agenda for joint training session 34’. He takes a stab at what she was saying before. “It’s nothing to worry about, just trying to figure out schedules for the next three months. If we try to do a joint training session next month, it will have to be in the first week.”

Her brow twitches, trying to not frown. Her eyes search his, but again he looks down at the paperwork.

“Yes, of course.”

It’s as she says this that he realizes the document has nothing to do with a joint training session for his division. It was for one with Third Division; she likely showed him as an example of what they could do next time for a kido training session.

He bites the inside of his cheek, ashamed. He's supposed to be a captain, where was his focus?

He waits for her to correct him. Then she’ll try to pry it all out of him, because she always wants to knows what’s on his mind. He doesn’t want to snap at her, would never do such a thing under any circumstances. But this weight, these thoughts, they were beginning to take up more space within him. He doesn’t know how he’ll react to her trying to navigate through them with him.

“Captain,” she says, surprising him enough to make him look up. Her smile is small and unsure, but she persists. “Actually, I didn’t just come here to discuss training sessions. The Women’s Association is looking to fund a vacation to the World of the Living. It’s a chance for everyone to have a break from work, we haven’t had a proper one in over ten years, right?”

“Why are you bringing this up?”

Her smile almost wobbles away, but she finds the strength to not only keep it in place, but to widen it too. “I’m inviting you to come along.”

________________________________

Compared to the afternoon, the sand is cooler under Toshiro’s feet. He strolls down to the sea, hands in his pockets and head bowed. Momo is behind him, but she pauses every now and then pick up seashells.

He doesn’t stop until he reaches the shoreline. The last sliver of the sun disappears over the horizon, colouring the sky dark blues and purples. A lone boat travels across the waves to a nearby dock. Behind him, a few cars whizz by and people go out for the night to bars and restaurants. Rangiku and a few of the others are among them, going to a izakaya tonight for dinner and drinks. He can already imagine how silly they’ll be acting by the time he and Momo rejoin them later tonight on the way back to the inn.

With a shake of his head, he turns his attention to the waves lapping at his toes. The next surge sends a wave over his feet. The froth of the sea spins around his ankles and the cold of the water tingles across his skin before receding away, only to return seconds later. It’s oddly relaxing, and he’s entranced by the motions of the waves. They come and go, come and go, never ceasing. It’s been like this for millions of years, since before he or anyone he knows were ever born. It has a beginning but no ending in sight.

It’s the first time he’s been at peace since the revelations about Hell came to light. Even so, the unease threatens to bubble up from the pit of his stomach. For even if there is no end in sight he can see, the ocean will vanish one day, whether it be Hell being strong enough to destroy this world, or a more natural end much further down the line.

So caught up in this, he doesn’t register Momo approaching until she’s by his side, and flinches when she speaks.

“There’s already so many stars out,” she marvels.

Thankfully, her is gaze on the dusk sky. Gone is her hat and hair ties, allowing the breeze lightly tussles her hair around her shoulders and back. She wears a shirt rolled up to the sleeves, and a bright orange summer dress beneath it. In one hand she holds her sandals, and shells in the other.

Indeed, stars glimmer down at them. Being this far away from the lights of the town, there’s more of them then he usually accustomed to in the World of the Living, and constellations he’s never seen before.

“I can see the pear.” Momo points to a cluster of stars on the right. “Remember that one?”

One of the many silly constellations they made up as children. “If that’s somehow it, it still doesn’t look like a pear.”

“Yeah it does! There’s the stem, and there’s the rest!” As she says this, she traces her finger over each star to map it out for him. “Its just upside down.”

He shakes his head. “You always had a strange imagination.”

She scoffs. “It’s called being creative.” After a moment, she tilts her head to one side. “I didn’t think it would show up in the World of the Living.”

“Our sky isn’t much different from there’s.”

“I guess not.”

The mood has lightened slightly, but the silence that follows is filled with the crashing of waves. They can remain like this, but like earlier today, it doesn’t feel natural. He turns to her, but she still has her eyes on the stars. He can leave her to be like this, oblivious to what is going on beneath the surface.

“Hinamori.” He has her attention now. He unknowingly takes in a deep breath as his stomach clenches, but he can’t stand not knowing anymore. “Why did you invite me to this?”

The question doesn’t catch her off guard like he expected it to. Instead, she tucks the shells she’d collected into one of her shirt pockets and glides her foot through the water. “It’s a shame we all couldn’t be here, and I know what happened is still on all of our minds, but it’s good to see those who did are relaxing a little. The last few months have been tough, and we all deserve to have a break from it. To step away for a little while.” She smiles wistfully. “That’s why I invited you to come. Even though it’s at a beach, and even though it’s only for a few days, I thought it would be good to spend time with you, Rangiku-san, Nanao-san, Abarai-kun, and the others away from what’s been bothering us.”

He thought hearing her say he wasn’t the only one thinking about the revelations about Hell would reassure him, but it only serves to annoy him. He’s no fool, he knows the others hadn’t forgotten about what happened, but why use their time here of all places? They can’t have moved on, this was too insurmountable to move on from.

“Aren’t we just running away?” He hadn’t meant to voice the question aloud, and it makes Momo's brow furrow.

His voice rises as he continues. “Shouldn’t we be using this time to plan for Hell’s next attack? We know nothing about their strategy. They’ve done nothing since Ukitake’s Konso Reisai, andKurotsuchi keeps investigating, but nothing ever comes up. We’re just here, doing nothing about it.” He throws his hands out to the sides. “We didn’t even know what we’ve been doing to our former captains this whole time!”

Momo shakes her head and braces her arm across her torso, her hand holding her opposite elbow. “We couldn’t have known.”

“But now we do! And what now? We’ll go to battle, that’s for certain, but what if this battle doesn’t end like the others?”

“That we’ll lose?”

“No, not even that. That we’ll be fighting Hell for decades. The first war against the Quincy lasted years, Hinamori. What if this battle is the same? What if we lose more captains, and we’ll have no choice but to perform Konso Reisai for all of them?”

“You…really think the conflict would last that long?”

“I don’t know, and that’s…” He let’s out an exasperated breath. He’s never like this, shouting and venting his thoughts, and that only frustrates him even more. “We need something concrete! We need direction, and we won’t get that unless we’re working on it back in the Soul Society. Hell must be doing this deliberately, it's a psychological tactic to weaken us."

She looks at him in confusion and worry, an expression that would normally cool his anger and makes him reassess what he'd said. But he's in too far now, he won't stop.

“You saw Sogyo no Kotowari.”

She frowns, likely wondering where this is going. “Only at a glance. Kurosaki-san saw it up close.”

“But his description fit what you saw, yes?”

She nods solemnly. “I thought I was seeing things, but when I got back to the Soul Society and found out what was happening with the Konso Reisai, it suddenly made sense.”

“Ukitake impaled that Espada, but we don’t know for what reason. We don’t know if he is on our side or not. If he isn’t, if everyone we have sent to Hell this whole time isn’t, we’re going to have to face them.”

The grip on her arm tightens. “I know.”

“I won't to become like Ukitake,” he says fiercely, bordering on a growl. “I won't become warped. If I have to fight him and the others, then so be it. But I won't to become like them. I don’t want to…”

“What makes you think you’ll die before the conflict is over?” she asks.

He doesn't answer, can't answer as his throat tightens.

Her hand drops back to her side as she leans forward. “You won’t die, Shiro-chan.”

“How can you know that?” he struggles to get out.

“Because you’re one of the strongest Shinigami I know, in skill, in your bond with your zanpakuto, and in fortitude.” Her eyes become glassy and her voice gets increasingly louder. “Someone like you doesn’t die so easily. I know you’ll keep fighting, no matter you are faced with!  You lived through so much, and survived wounds that would kill so many! You don’t give up, you’ve never given up, it’s a quality you embody above everything else! There’s no way you can die, don’t even think about it! And don't push everyone away!”

She pants for breath and bites her lip, trying to prevent tears. He’s at a loss for words. Had she too been bottling something up? Was it anxiety about Hell, or was it about him?

A wave hits the back of his shins. They both look down. When had the water gotten this high? Is the tide already coming in, or had they waded further into the sea? Wordless, he walks back to the shore, and after a moment, she follows. He halts once he’s back at the shoreline, but she takes a few steps away from it.

As her breathing quietens, Momo’s gaze searches for something in him. Her eyes are so wide, alarmed and still on the verge of tearing up. “I-I didn’t understand why you were becoming so distant, I thought getting away from the Soul Society would help, but now I think I know. Are you…?” She’s conflicted, her lips opening to continuing her question, only to close seconds later and becoming a taut, pressed line.

He’d wanted to tell her what was on his mind, but not like this. To his own ear, he’s ended up sounding both paranoid and like a child complaining about something not going his way. He ended up upsetting her. Toshiro sighs, suddenly more tired than before. “What is it?”

She still hesitates, her focus on the waves circling his ankles. Eventually, she raises her head and steps closer. “Are you scared?”

It hits him in the chest like a stone thrown into glass. For a second, his blood runs tight and cold in his limbs. His heart skips a beat, then clenches. He can feel hairline fractures running through him, threatening to break apart. Momo hadn’t hit the nail on the head, but she knows one facet of what is going on within him.

The impact she made must show, because her expression softens further. “It’s okay if you are, I think we all are. I think it’s why we’re all here. In this time of uncertainty, the only thing we can do right now is to be here with our friends. We can’t let the uncertainty of the future stop us from living in the present with those we care about.”

Or we could be planning. Somehow, the thought sounds strange, as if the sentiment behind it weren’t quite right anymore.

Momo closes the gap between them, their hands almost brushing. “If you really feel we shouldn’t be here, then why did you come?” It’s not an accusation, only a gentle question.

Because you wanted me to. She still isn’t aware of the hold she has over him, but how would she react if she knew? But her invite hadn’t been the only reason, nor had it just been Rangiku and Granny’s encouragement, or Shunsui appointing him as one of the supervisors.

We can’t let the uncertainty of the future stop us from living in the present with those we care about.

Maybe if the mood were different, he would tease her for picking up on his philosophy. In her own way, she had describe what would be his usual way of thinking. He slides his gaze to the horizon, watching the waves form, build, then curl in and crash in on themselves. It reminds him the fireworks, how they rise and flare into existence, only to scatter and fade away after they’ve exploded in the sky.

What happened to him? Why is he like this?

No, he already knows why. He swallows thickly and closes his eyes, but it does nothing to help. If he looks at the source of all of this now, the fractures might get bigger, but if he doesn't, they'll only run deeper.

And so, he opens his eyes to the stars.

“Before Hell, Kurotsuchi was working on a cure for the de-zombification process for Matsumoto and I,” he begins, his voice rougher. “That included returning the years of our life taken by the procedure, or at least, extending out lifespans to something greater than what they currently are. I expected slow progress, but when Hell revealed itself to us, of course work into a cure had ceased all together. It’s the right thing to do. We lay our lives down for the Soul Society.” His gaze fixes on her. “For our friends.”

Momo lets out a long, silent breath, her shoulders falling lower. She waits, always patient and willing to listen to him, but there's an urgency beneath it.

With some effort, he continues. “Knowing what will happen once those who obtained bankai die, knowing we can become so warped, that we can fight against our former officers, our friends. If I die before the conflict ends, that's what I'll become. I don't want that. I never want to hurt anyone on our side." I never want to hurt you again. "I didn't want..." I didn't want the peace to end."I don't..." I don't want to die.

Something drops into the sand behind them. Then, her arms around him, pulling him into side ways hug. His widened eyes stare straight ahead, unblinking and unfocused. The last time they had hugged was when the war against the Quincy had ended. Why is it they only hug when they're sad? But the feel of her arms around his shoulders, to know she's here with him, it makes him shudder, verging of a sob. He holds it back, believing it would do neither of them any good, but he turns in her arms and wraps his own around her.

“Without knowing what’s ahead, I can’t just relax like everyone else,” he admits.

“I know,” she whispers, voice tight. "With all of that on your mind, how could anyone?"

"And knowing I don't have much longer to live…"

A minute passes, and there's only the waves, which now coming up to their mid shines. The tide is definitely coming in, it wont be long before it gets higher.

Toshiro thinks to pull away, but Momo's arms tighten around him. "There's still time for Captain Kurotsuchi to find a cure for you and Rangiku-san, I know he won't give up on it. We don't know what we're up against, but that's nothing new for us, isn't it?" and he feels her smile against his temple. “In times of uncertainty and without answers, we only have each other, " she says "You look out for others, and become stronger for others. It’s why one of the reasons you’re worried about the future, right? It’s not just about fearing an early death, isn’t it? You care about everyone, you want to know what you can do to protect them for what’s to come. You want to live with everyone, right?”

His heart quivers. He’d seen everyone’s confusion and dourness for more than a month, and it did nothing to alleviate the emotions that slowly took hold of him. The peace had softened him, had made him so accustomed to seeing everyone in higher spirits. He missed it, longed for it after what they had learned about Hell. He especially missed seeing Momo that way, after everything she went through, by Aizen's hand and unintentionally his own.

He recalls how fragile the flowers in her hat looked, how small her hands seemed. He hadn't had to think about protecting anyone in years, hadn't had to be vigilant or on guard at all times, but they'd slowly been bubbling back to the surface in the recent months. When Hell comes, those feelings will come back in full force. He would never let anything harm her, not when he now has the powers to protect her.

As the seconds pass, a strange grief takes hold. He mourns for an uncertain future, for a future that will likely not be his. She has been a part of his life for so many years, and there was a time he was certain she would still be there with him in the future, but now, even if he makes it out of this alive, who's to say of she or Rangiku will be there? It's always been a possibility, ever since any of them became Shinigami, but with Hell now posing as a threat - one that has broken the peace they'd enjoyed for over ten years - it only exacerbates the chances of it happening. He mourns for the peace that is broken, because at some point without realising, he had seen that as their future. They would all go on happily, performing their duties with only the occasional hitch, but nothing that would threaten their everyday lives, the very existence of all the worlds.

The peace was too good to last; but it had happened, and he had enjoyed it with everyone else. It's the way of all the worlds; the good can only last for so long, but it never completely vanishes. It finds it's way back in smaller ways.

With a new wave smacking particularly hard into the backs his legs, he pulls away. He takes her hand, ignoring the surprised look she gives him, and leads her out of the water. “Come on, we should head back, the tide is starting to come in.”

Along the way, she stoops down and picks up the sandals she’s thrown aside to hug him. They walk up the beach and up the mounds and stairs in silence.

What they'd talked about isn't really an answer or a solution to his worries. He’ll feel this unease about the future for as long as Hell is a threat. But the waves, they ebb and flow. The stars burn until there’s nothing left; they shine brightly until they fade away. The worlds go on, with or without beings who have left them. It's both a disconcerting and calming thought.

As they near the road a few minutes later, Momo she gives his hand a squeeze. "Thank you, Hitsugaya-kun."

"Huh?"

"For telling me everything. I know it couldn't have been easy for you." Then, ruefully, "I'm sorry that this all happened at a beach."

Toshiro could almost laugh, but he manages to withhold it. "It was a majority vote for the location, there was no changing that."

He doesn't looks back at her until they stop on the side of the road. The streetlight next to them casts half of her face in white-yellow light, while the sign of a nearby restaurant casts the other in pink and red.

"You've always been like this. Willing to listen to others, to let them speak their minds." He gives her a small smile. "I should be thanking you."

She gives a embarrassed shrug. "I'm not always like that."

He could argue with her until they're both deaf about her modesty, but he refrains. "Maybe you're right. It's good to...be away for a while, even if it's somewhere like here."

"Even if you can't stop thinking about what happened? Or what's to come?"

It's not her intention, but it almost feels like a test from the universe, to see if he has taken what she'd said to heart. He steps closer, gaze intent. "It's like you said, there was no way we could stop completely thinking about what happened. I can't let these thoughts go, I can't be like everyone else . I won't stop thinking about what happened, not until we can predict Hell's next moves." He bows his head. "I'm sorry for how I've been on this trip."

She shakes her head. "You have nothing to apologize for. If anything, I'm sorry for trying to force you to relax. I should've just come out and said I was concerned."

"With how I was, I can understand why you went about things the way you did. Besides, the ice cream wasn't bad. Dinner was good too, and the beach wasn't...terrible."

That gets a huff of a chuckle out of her.

"Still, I should've been upfront before we came."

She offers a sympathetic smile. "In the end, you were. We only have a day left, but please spend it however you want to." After he nods, she drops her sandals to the ground. "I should put these on before we go back to the others."

She lets go his hand to slide and clip her sandals back on.

His hand hovers in the air, and he knows he should put it back to his side. He'd done what he'd had to to lead them away from the sea. He's also never been one for physical contact beyond what was necessary in battle. But he didn't want to let go just yet.

With both of her shoes on, Momo straightens. "Do think they are at the bar by now?"

"Chances are."

He looks out to the road, lit by streetlights and lined with restaurants, bars, and closed shops. The weight within him is still there, but lighter. For the first time since he arrived, he thinks of somewhere he wants to go.

"I think I saw a takoyaki stall down there," he says, jerking his chin to the right. "Want to go eat before we join everyone else?"

Momo raises both eyebrows, but before he can ask why she reacted this way, she beams and takes his hand again. "Yeah, let's go."

[faeryarchives]

captivating (gender neutral reader!)

before the vocal and dance championship, you have seen many your friends work hard during their practice but there is only one person that stands out the most

alternate title: oblivious idiots being in love with each other but doesn't notice + aerie once again writing to cope from book 5

once the headmaster announced that the ramshackle dorm would become the training camp for the voice and dance championship, it's no surprise that you and grim would be somehow roped into managing the team.

"we will be in your care!"

not that you mind though, you got to see your friends more than ever! what's better than seeing your friends improve everyday?

grim sat on your lap comfortably while you ran your hands through his fur with your other hand grabbing your chicken nuggets and eating them, eyes watching the rehearsals unfolding right now in the ballroom.

"wow look at them (name), its been just a week but they are doing better!"

"yeah, if i didn't know better - i would've think they are idols in training at this point." it was the truth - their once uncoordinated dance slowly became more polished and presentable to the point you can't turn your eyes away from them, as if they are luring you in to watch them, for example - that one certain person in the main vocals who goes by the name of jamil viper.

'well who can blame me! it's not my fault he is just so charming and looks so good in dancing and singing.' if anyone would look closer, they can easily notice that your full attention is on the second year. yes it's not your fault at all

".. well they better be! i will be taking four thousand tuna cans as their payment after winning."

"..."

"don't you think their chances of winning would be better if they include me?"

"..." curious (eye color) clashing stares with mysterious charcoal grey ones, heat crawled up to your cheeks causing you to avert your gaze almost instantly

"oh great sevens don't tell me he saw me staring."

"saw you stare at whom?" following your line of sight from earlier, grim spotted jamil to be staring at you two's direction. a realization came to the cat's mind leading him to let out a cackling laughter that caught everyone's attention.

"are you starin' ag-omf!" letting out a laugh of your own, you quickly stood up and hold grim in your arms, shoving a chicken nugget in his mouth.

"hahahah... grim i think i remember the cafeteria is serving tuna, come on let's go! please excuse us everyone!" you didn't even wait for them to say anything before quickly fleeing the room.

"... let's take a break, that is quite unexpected. i didn't expect the prefect to run out all of a sudden."

"and seems like grim wanted to say something but the prefect seems to be shy?"

"(name)? shy?"

"hearing those two words together is so unbelievable."

rook let out a mischievous hum, putting his arm under his chin while giving the others a knowing glance. "i beg to differ, maybe they are just that immersed in watching our performance. isn't it right monsieur multi?"

blinking in respond, jamil grabbed a spare towel and putting it on his neck, he seems very confused why he was mentioned out of all people in the room.

"well i guessed so? (name) always act around me like that so to me its pretty normal." turning around, jamil didn't noticed how the rest looked at each other as if having the same thought in mind.

'ah. these two oblivious idiots.'

seeing how conveniently all their drinks seems to be out, the scarabia vice dorm leader let out a sigh, grabbing his wallet before going to the door. "i am going out to buy some drinks, do you guys want anything?"

"cola-"

"not allowed."

"ok its seven water bottles, why did i even bother asking." rolling his eyes, he gave them a wave before leaving the room. turns out, walking along the corridors of pomefiore in peace is pretty much relaxing - no screaming, noise or call for help? might as well live here forever.

as he was about to turn to the corner, jamil could pick up some whispered talks and rather than just turning around - he didn't know why he needed to hide but he did.

"why did you have to drag me out like that?!"

"because you can't keep your mouth shut! what if they heard what you were going to say next huh?!"

"well that is on them for listening, but look you can't just be like that forever ya know? i am helping you out!"

"i don't need that kind of help grim, i can do it myself!" finally seeing your figures, jamil could see the nervousness all over your face, as if you are trying to hide something.

"hmp, okay fine, you don't need me anyways be with your happy crush instead!"

'happy crush?' jamil's eyes widen at the words, never would he have thought it was all because of a happy crush.

he could see you fumbling your fingers at the end of your blazer, releasing a heavy sigh before lifting grim off the ground and putting him on you head.

"its not like that. i appreciate you looking after me but i would rather choose to just admire him from afar as of now. i don't want to get rejected especially before the vdc." while you two are walking back to the ballroom while holding a plastic bag, thoughts are running through jamil's head.

'prefect having a happy crush? it couldn't be kalim right? i mean they said from afar so maybe-' as if the world is against him at the moment, you spotted his long braided hair from the corner before entering the ballroom - leading you to skipped towards him and lean on the wall next to the second year.

"jamil! how long have you been standing there? were you trying to cool off?" rummaging through the bag, you handed him a cold water bottle while trying to brush his excess bangs from his face - letting out a chuckle in the process.

"... mmm thanks. vil let us take a break for now, what do you think of the practice?"

humming, you looked at the floor, playfully kicking your right foot softly. "you really did great! especially your solo part, like for me it was magnetic!" you somehow got the courage to look at jamil in the eyes and gave him the most genuine smile he had ever seen.

"it was pulling me in, so captivating and tempting even - having a charm of its own unlike from vil and epel's part."

"ah, thank you."

badump badump badump

he could hear his own heart beat so loudly, fearing that you might even hear it. the boy let out several cough then drinking from the water bottle you offered in attempt to calm himself down.

'why do i feel like a high schooler who just confessed to his crush? snap out of it jamil viper!'

accompanying each other in silence but with occasional small talks by just standing beside each other, you didn't notice how time passed by until kalim peeked out his head from the door, waving at the two of you.

"heeeey~ vil said break is over. come back inside soon after you guys talk okay?"

"mmm! don't worry we won't be long!" dusting the imaginary dirt off your uniform, you find yourself tugging jamil by the hand giving him a reassuring smile.

"come on, let's enjoy every moment of practice before it ends!" he reluctantly shook his head before following rigt behind you, a small smile finding his way to his lips.

'and maybe after the end of everything, i can bring myself to confess to you.'

'until then, i will make sure you will be captivated by my charm'

[puppyexpressions]

How to Keep Your Dog Safe in the Heat

The summer months can be uncomfortable—even dangerous—for dogs and people. It's difficult enough simply to cope with rising temperatures, let alone thick humidity, but things really get tough in areas that are hit with the double blow of intense heat and storm-caused power outages, sometimes with tragic results.

We can help you keep your pets safe and cool this summer. Follow our tips for helping everyone in your family stay healthy while hot.

PRACTICE BASIC SUMMER SAFETY

Never Leave Your Pets In a Parked Car

Not even for a minute! Not even with the car running and the air conditioner on. On a warm day, temperatures inside a vehicle can rise rapidly to dangerous levels. On an 85-degree day, for example, the temperature inside a car with the windows opened slightly can reach 102 degrees within 10 minutes. After 30 minutes, the temperature will reach 120 degrees. Your pet may suffer irreversible organ damage or die. 

Watch the humidity

It's important to remember that it's not just the ambient temperature, but also the humidity that can affect your pet. Animals pant to evaporate moisture from their lungs, which takes heat away from their body. If the humidity is too high, they are unable to cool themselves and their temperature will skyrocket to dangerous levels—very quickly.

Taking a dog's temperature will quickly tell you if there is a serious problem. Dogs' temperatures should not reach over 104 degrees. If your dog's temperature does, follow the instructions below for treating heat stroke.

Limit exercise on hot days

Take care when exercising your pet. Adjust intensity and duration of exercise in accordance with the temperature. On very hot days, limit exercise to early morning or evening hours, and be especially careful with pets with white-colored ears, who are more susceptible to skin cancer, and short-nosed pets, who typically have difficulty breathing. Asphalt gets very hot and can burn your pet's paws, so walk your dog on the grass if possible. Always carry water with you to keep your dog from dehydrating.

Don't rely on a fan

Pets respond differently to heat than humans do. (Dogs, for instance, sweat primarily through their feet.) And fans don't cool off pets as effectively as they do people.

Provide ample shade and water

Any time your pet is outside, make sure they have protection from heat and sun and plenty of fresh, cold water. In heat waves, add ice to water when possible. Tree shade and tarps are ideal because they don't obstruct air flow. A doghouse does not provide relief from heat—in fact, it makes it worse.

Cool your pet inside and out

Whip up a batch of quick and easy DIY pupsicles for dogs. And always provide water, whether your pets are inside or out with you.

Keep your pet from overheating indoors or out with a cooling body wrap, vest or mat. Soak these products in cool water, and they'll stay cool (but usually dry) for up to three days. If your dog doesn't find baths stressful, see if they enjoy a cooling soak.

Watch for signs of heatstroke

Extreme temperatures can cause heatstroke. Some signs of heatstroke are heavy panting, glazed eyes, a rapid heartbeat, difficulty breathing, excessive thirst, lethargy, fever, dizziness, lack of coordination, profuse salivation, vomiting, a deep red or purple tongue, seizure, and unconsciousness.

Animals are at particular risk for heat stroke if they are very old, very young, overweight, not conditioned to prolonged exercise, or have heart or respiratory disease. Some breeds of dogs—like boxers, pugs, shih tzus, and other dogs and cats with short muzzles—will have a much harder time breathing in extreme heat.

How to treat a pet suffering from heatstroke

Move your pet into the shade or an air-conditioned area. Apply ice packs or cold towels to their head, neck, and chest, or run cool (not cold) water over them. Let them drink small amounts of cool water or lick ice cubes. Take them directly to a veterinarian.

Prepare for power outages

Before a summer storm takes out the power in your home, create a disaster plan to keep your pets safe from heat stroke and other temperature-related trouble.

[ikkimikki]

Each week at my job we have an ice breaker question just to get everyone chatting and learn more about each other. Yesterday's was to share ideas about how everyone has been coping with the heat wave. I felt like a privileged jerk commenting that I have just been lounging about in comfort with my central air conditioning. 😕

[queengiuliettafirstlady]

Naughty in the water

Naughty in the water

Fandom: Ikemen Prince

Pairing: Luke Randolph x OC (Julie)

Prompt: July 27th Sneaking out of a pool party | Conjoined under the water & July 20th Nighttime skinny dipping | Forgetting a bathing suit

Part of  Summer of Smut hosted by  @voltage-vixen and @kissmetwicekissmedeadly

Tag: Body Worship Insecurity Reassurance Fluff Smut Minors DNI!!

Word Count: 2.181

Author’s Note: Thank you so much for the kawaii divider to my dear friend @atelieredux I love it so much 😍😍

Summer scorching heat drain energy of everyone in the palace, favouring the ever indolent youngest prince and his gracious wife, lucky for them he has a trick up his sleeve in the form of a secret place known only to him where a much needed bath indeed can refresh them from the insufferable heat, insecurities arises threatening to cast a shadow on their funny break only for him to brush it away with the sun of his love, that will make them enjoy their date showing off their love to one another in their special way. 😉

Tag list

@kissmetwicekissmedeadly @lordsisterxotome @aquagirl1978 @violettduchess @atelieredux @klutzyroses @randonauticrap @thewitchofbooks @princess-pray-a @itsjudesfault

You can find me on AO3 as QueenJuliet 😊

Thank you for everyone who will like, reblog, or comment please be gentle with me english is not my first language so please do not leave rude comments I apologise for eventual errors I hope you will like it 😊

It was a sunny day, summer shined on the Kingdom raising its usually mild temperatures, only shadows offered an ephemeral source of protection from the smoldering sun to every humans bold enough to squeeze under them along nosy people bickering and banting to not be left out from the the too little extension of the tree's foliage.

The palace was not immune to heat as servants and maids alike wandered near every window trying to catch on the feeble breeze coming from the garden, whereas the princes were trying with no much success to work through the massive pile of documents on their desks, jackets and cape forgotten in their bedroom for more simple and casual clothes such as shirts that by no way helped them cope with the heat any better than the palace staff.

Everyone was busy occupying their time doing something productive, well almost everyone if the youngest prince and his gracious bride did not flow into this scheme, the two lovebirds were actually sleazing around the palace library a book opened on the desk they would have faked to study wherever Sariel would have entered, luckily for them he was too busy to chase after their laziness and the few servants who sneaked in preferred not to disturb them any further seeing how engrossed in reading they were while he snoozed behind a book waking up from his nap only from the fit of giggle coming from her lips.

Slumped on the table she brushed absently her fingers over his hand

"If only we could be able to take a bath this heat will be a little less insufferable." she sighed softly with a light frown on her lips

a playful smile appeared on his lips as he looked at her

“Julie.”

“Yes ?”

“I might know the right place for that.” a mischievous glimpse in his eyes he smirked seductively at her making her blush as her heart beat loudly reminding her he was no more the boy she grew up with but a stunning sturdy man capable to seduce and charm everyone he wanted with little effort 

“Please show me, hotness is unbearable today.” 

“Your wishes are orders my princess.” he declared his voice husky as he murmured “Follow me.” a promise of a deliciously forbidden temptation, sneaking away from duty and off to more pleasant activity he took her hand as they slide out from the palace and into the forest, walking hand in hand giggling like children doing a naughty deed, until they reached an huge lake embedded in its core soft waves crashed on its borders provoked by the light wind rippling the plain surface of the clear water shining brightly in the morning sun.

The place was astounding as the atmosphere seemed to invite him to take a bath to shelter and refresh them from the summer heat, yet caught in haste they forgot something pretty important.

“Do you like it ?” he asked softly hugging her from behind nuzzling his face into her neck making her giggle

“I adore it.” she confessed smiling, tenderness curling his lips as he left a soft kiss on her neck she laughed 

“I love you so much my little, I want to spoil you rotten only to see you smile.”

she leaned her head on his back looking up at him 

“I love you too my bear.”

his arms tighten around her as he planted a soft kiss on her hair conveying all the love and devotion rooted in his heart only for her.

“This is such a nice place for a fresh break. Is it not ?”

she could not help but sigh dreamily 

“I could not agree more.” she was blissfully foretelling all the fun they would have had away from the heat when suddenly a thought crossed her mind as she exclaimed

“Wait, we do not have swimming suits.”

“I know but we can still take a bath.”

“With which clothes.” she trailed off blushing madly at his implication

He smirked maliciously at her

“We do not need them.” his voice sultry he caressed her lips with his thumb seeing her cheeks so deliciously flushed as her luscious red lips were begging him to kiss them over and over again until becoming swollen, shyly she went to cover her body with her arms looking shyly up at him

“For as much as I love swimming I doubt my body is such a nice view for you.” she sighed softly 

“I am no such beauty,” a forlorn smile on her lips she let her misty eyes wander on the grass, he felt his heart clench painfully at the idea she thought so low of herself for him she was nothing but a goddess on earth the only one who captured his heart with her kindness, that he loved since childhood and to whom he sweared unbending loyalty and devotion for eternity, the only one who makes him feel appreciated and seen like he has never been before. 

He cradled her face into his rough palms raising her face looking straight into her eyes with so much tenderness she could not help but smile feeling the warmth of his love filled words sweep away her anxiety

“You are so beautiful my little princess.” his finger brushed on her cheek, his voice low and sultry fan on her lips as he gazed at her “You may not gonna believe me but you are such a sight to look at.” he growled lightly before pulling away slowly “You are a blessing for sore eyes. Trust me you really are. You are so wonderful and sexy.” he sighed “Your body is so…” he let his hand softly brush over her breast hearing her gasp

“Beautiful, I do not wanna anyone else to see you like that.” he growled lightly a glimpse of emerald flickered in his eyes a peek of the beast his love filled lust awoke in him, sending a pang of need straight to her core, his tone husky and low as he continued praising her

“So voluptuous I can not help but ... desire to show you my love with my entire body anytime I look at you.” he bite his bottom lip “I wanna spoil you in every way possible I wanna see you smile for you are the Queen of my heart, the one and only I have and always will love.”

softly he melted his lips on her before slowly pulling away she whispered few inches from his lips, her smile so bright to put the sun itself to shame as she spoke 

“Do you really think that ?”

“Doubt of everything but believe me when I said that I am ready to abandon everything to be with you, you are my little princess and I will always adore you with all my being.”

seeing her smile sighing in relief her cheeks reddened softly as he leaned closer whispering sultry in her ear

“Care to join me for a bath ?”

she nodded lightly, he wasted no time undressing her between fervent kisses, her fingers fumbled with his buttons taking his shirt off before sliding to tug at his pants, reluctantly he pulled away unbuckling his belt and throwing his pants along her clothes near a bush, once they were both naked he took her in his arms slowly sinking in the warm water of the lake.

Once they were fully immersed in the freshwater of the lake he leaned over caging her with his arms against the border of the lake

“It seem we could continue where we left off.” he looked at her smirking seductively sliding unperceivably closer to her

“W-we can not.” she stammered blushing madly covering her breast with her arms

“Why not ?” he whispered suggestively brushing his finger on her lips

“They will discover us.” shyly she looked at him

“Who ?” slowly he hugged her murmuring softly in her ear

“We are far away from the castle. No one knows this place but me.”

She nuzzled into his chest hiding her blush feeling his hard manhood brush against her tummy as he spoke

“But if you want me to stop please tell me.” gently he cradled her face into his hands smiling gently

“Please continue.” she bit her lip feeling heat rise on her cheeks now red like a fully mature strawberry, his voice husky and sultry stirred something in her as a pang of needs went straight to her throbbing core while he leaned over murmuring few inches from her lips

“As my princess wishes.” sensually he caressed her lips before pulling her into a passionate kiss, twisting his tongue with hers he raised her above the water enough to slide into her swallowing her whimper, breathlessly they pulled away smirking playfully as she gripped his shoulder moaning softly with every thrust of his hips feeling his strong hands move her at his own pace.

The lewd sound of the splashing water covered their needy moans of pleasure resonating in the still air of the forest, a passionate melody of love they sang only for one another in that naughty spectacle only for the animals to witness. 

He groaned softly as her fingers dived into his hair while his lips nibbled hungrily on her neck enough to leave little love bites on her pale complexion but not enough to hurt her, merely showing off who she belonged to, underlining better to everyone the consequence they would have met along the cutting edge of his sword if they dared to lay a finger on her or made her feel even an inch lower of what she was for him, his Queen Goddess of his heart no one should have ever felt bold enough to disrespect.

Her nails clawed his back desperately trying to steady herself with him using his body as she pleased like an anchor amidst the storm as waves of pleasure washed over her body, while his fingers slide between their bodies to massage her clit making her mewl softly as his finger skillfully worked their magic on her, enveloping her in so much pleasure she could not help but moan his name at the top of her lungs for every aster in the sky to hear as she threw her head back arching her hips against his, feeling his strong hand keeping her close to him as she hooked them behind his muscular torso, his hips pushing feverishly into her, he gritted his teeth focusing on her pleasure desiring nothing more than to feel her walls clamping down on him covering his member in her sweet juice claiming him as hers, amidst bliss her lips brushed over his in a soft tender kiss to convey all the love harbored in her heart only for him before slowly pulling away letting her voice professing her affection in sweet whimpers of his name felling out from her rosy lips while her finger tugged into his hair keeping him close as she came undone for him moaning softly at the sensation of his warm seed pouring generously into her, flooding her walls with his essence claiming her as his undeniable proof of the love filled lust he felt for her, bathing in the afterglow of the blazing fire of passion enveloping them together in their own little world.

She nuzzled into his brawny chest smiling contently feeling safe and protected with him her ever loyal personal knight, a strong and sweet bear always ready to bare his fangs at everyone shielding her with his sturdy body any time she came to him, she could only hope for him to feel loved and cherished as much as he make her feel all her affection poured into a tender kiss she placed on his heart making him melt he tighten his arms around her kissing reverently her forehead murmuring softly 

“I love you so much my little.”

“I love you too, my soft big bear.” gently he cradled her face on his hand brushing his lips softly over hers seeing her smile brightly as the warm sun shining on the lake.

She shuddered lightly as a frizzy breeze swept over them, seeing her adorably cocooned in his arm he smiled affectionately after seeing her cling to him like she always did making him feel needed and loved as never before, wasting no time he took off his coat from the grass circling her back with it, a dreamy sigh escaped her lips as he adjusted his grip on her waist while she curled herself on his chest smiling blissfully at him while he kissed softly her hair making her giggle.

They stayed there all afternoon swimming and laughing until sun set when they could admire all the stars in the sky, coming back to the castle only after all lights were already off not wanting anyone to spoil the day they continued to enjoy in their shared bedroom with so much passion to make everyone aware of how much they loved each other until morning.

[kp777]

By Arno Kopecky

The Globe and Mail (Canada)

July 18, 2023

Arno Kopecky is an environmental journalist and author. His latest book is The Environmentalist’s Dilemma: Promise and Peril in an Age of Climate Crisis.

In 2019, Greta Thunberg headlined a global climate march that brought millions of people into city streets around the world. Thanks to the pandemic, there hasn’t been another one since. That’s finally about to change: The March to End Fossil Fuels has just been announced for Sept. 17.

I’m an independent journalist who has long held activism at arms-length, but the climate crisis has grown so urgent that straight-up reporting now feels like a passive response that verges on complicity. This time, I’m marching with the protesters.

Even for those who saw it coming, recent developments have been shocking to behold. Annual carbon emissions have steadily increased over the past four years, with Canada leading the charge – production in the world’s fourth-largest oil producer has doubled since 2010. The result has finally untethered itself from the abstract hypotheticals ofscientific literature and leapt into the daily lives of several billion people.

Virtually all of North America is coping with some combination of record heat, drought, flood, wildfire and smoke. A heat dome stretching across North Africa and Southern Europe to the Persian Gulf has pushed highs past 40 C in Spain and Iran. China just set a new national record with the town of Sanbao experiencing 52.2 C. Extreme flooding has raged through England, Turkey, India and Japan. Some water in the Florida Keys is now the temperature of human blood.

I’ve never been big on slogans. I distrust the righteous certainty that so often accompanies activism. I tend toward doubt, which is fine for journalism but wreaks havoc on conviction – a vital prerequisite for blocking traffic at a protest. But this summer, after 20 years of writing about climate change and seven years of being a father, the magnitude of events finally caught up to me.

I felt myself succumbing to a strange type of manic depression. The urgency and the despair took on the quality of a terrible dream, like I’d been handcuffed and forced to watch as villains suffocated my daughter. This can’t be how it ends, I thought. There has to be something more I can do. I surprised myself by starting to reach out to my contacts to see if I could organize a march myself before I learned that the March to End Fossil Fuels was already in motion.

If you’re also wondering what on Earth you can do about all this, Sept. 17 is for you. “The time is ripe for a big climate march,” says Tzeporah Berman, chair of the Fossil Fuel Non-Proliferation Treaty Initiative and a veteran activist who is among the organizers of the climate march. “Everyone is starting to realize that as long as we don’t shift our energy systems, there is nowhere that’s safe.”

As in 2019, the global strike’s epicentre will be New York City, where the UN is hosting both a Climate Ambition Summit and a General Assembly the following week. With organizing just now getting under way, thousands of groups are expected to assemble crowds in cities across the planet.

Caroline Brouillette, executive director of Climate Action Network Canada, agreed that this could be a historic march. “We’re having a summer where different climate impacts are coming at us here and now and are often overlapping,” Ms. Brouillette told me from her home in Montreal. Two days before we spoke, she had to take refuge from both a heat wave and a tornado.

Read more.

[hannahsmusings]

Renee

*I couldn’t help but let out a giggle as I clearly scared the daylights out of him, giving him a sarcastic little smug, continuing to smile as he fumbled over his words, the arrogant side of me taking pride in this moment, he was finally acting the way everyone else did in front of me and I didn’t care that it took me scaring him to level the scales again, I’d take it as a win just like I did the night before* It’s okay to swear, you know. We don’t work in an office building. I won’t fire you for it. *I climb up onto the stool, my voice a bit breathless from my run, tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear, my smile disappearing slowly, my expression returning to my neutrally blank one* *I could tell he was checking me out, I wasn’t an idiot and I was used to that sort of attention and he wasn’t making it subtle, a wave of heat rushing through me, loving his eyes on me and feeling even more confident under his gaze, not remembering the last time I felt like that with Tom, always shrinking in on myself when we were being intimate - if you could even call what we did in bed intimate, there was nothing soft or loving about it, usually just means to an end… for him* *his words break me out of my thoughts about my lackluster sex life, flicking my eyes up to meet his, seeing the heat that was in them and subconsciously pressing my thighs together* I usually run every morning, yes. Unless I have other stuff planned. I usually start at 7, but I couldn’t sleep. I’d like a smoothie though. *I rip my eyes from his, unable to cope with his intensely heated gaze, loving and hating the way it made me feel, looking back down at my phone and pretending to focus on something* Maddy will give you a schedule today so you won’t need to constantly ask me. *it made total sense that Anthony would ask me questions considering today was his first proper day on the job, but I needed to keep a wall up, he was making me feel things I hadn’t felt in years, if ever, and I needed to keep him at arms length, he seemed like the type who would get too close and I didn’t want or need that in my life, I was happy being distant and shutting everyone out and I didn’t want anyone coming in and trying to switch things up on me*

___________________________________________________

*ooft your giggle floored me, now realising how much I wanted to hear it again, making it my internal goal to make you laugh properly, wanting to see your head thrown back laughing, needing to see what you looked like when you lost control* *narrows my eyes slightly as I see your smirk, knowing you’d earned a point there in this fake one up game I’d made up, seeing we were both battling for dominance and respect and I liked it, liking that fire you had, you were fucking mean and I looooved it* *cocks a brow as you say it’s okay to swear, wondering if you were trying to catch me out before smirking* Well that’s a fucking relief because shit god damn it I can swear like a fucking sailor. *face lights up in an amused grin, hoping it would make you smile but you were already straight faced again, chest aching as I miss your smile for a moment, you were gorgeous anyway but when you smiled it was radiant* *it took me a second to get my thoughts under control again after admiring you so obviously, knowing I had to get my shit together as I couldn’t drool every time you entered the room* *nods at your words as I make a note in my notebook about your running schedule* Gotcha, okay. I’ll have a smoothie ready each morning. Let me get to that. *reaches for the fruit and begins chopping before looking up again as you mention the schedule, frowning at your obvious shut down of my questions, thinking again this was a test, a way to get me to fail, furrowing my brow and putting the knife down as I look at you for a moment* Would you prefer I don’t ask questions? *asks, knowing you enough by now that you were a no bullshit person so I figured being blunt and upfront was the best way to catch you at your own game* Because I can do that. However, I can’t read minds. If you want me to do my job and do it well, you’re gonna have to communicate with me. *i knew you’d hate the idea of having to seek me out and tell me things about your preferences and your schedule, and I also knew you were too much of a control freak to let me guess at things so I figured you’d settle on the fact you’d have to be okay with me asking questions* 

[royal-ruin]

genshin fic recs (part 4)

or the angsty lesbian genshin fics. features: angsty lesbians :) the starred fics are my personal favorites.

genshin fic recs part 1, part 2, and part 3.

I am the fire and I am the forest by miantiao

(~3k)

Beidou returns from Inazuma without her vision, just a shell of her former self, and Ningguang scrambles to cope.

beidou/ningguang. really sad. title is from the song burning hill by mitski. i really love the acoustic version.

daylight star by Anonymous

~5k

a hand around her vision / a hand around her throat

Yoimiya breaks into a prison. It begins there.

kujou sara/yoimiya.

*plum blossoms in winter by arsonide

(~15k)

“I just think she’s beautiful,” Hu Tao stated certainly.

“The most alluring flowers tend to have the deepest thorns, Hu Tao,” Zhongli warned, though his voice was still light.

Hu Tao wasn’t listening to him. She waved at him lightly, dispelling whatever lecture he had for her on his tongue. Yanfei was stunning, that much was true, and her grandfather had always told her to appreciate anything she found half as beautiful.

—

Or, Hu Tao thought that the flowers she threw up paled in comparison to the way Yanfei made her feel.

hanahaki hu tao/yanfei. one of the best genshin fics i’ve read

*kin-mokusei (where it is sweeter) by daiicraaa

(~10k)

In battle, you cannot hesitate. Sara knows this as well as she knows her own name, engrained into the fibers of her soul. But then, when the time is finally right to strike down her enemy, she hesitates, and Sangonomiya Kokomi smiles back at her.

She is beautiful.

Do not tell the Shogun; I am a traitor.

kojou sara / kokomi. it’s so good. enemies to lovers.

but i can't help, falling in love with you by doriangraysbitch

(~5k)

“What do you mean?” Lisa asks, spinning around, face bewildered. “You and Amber aren’t dating?”

Eula clears her throat, feeling heat on her cheeks. She lowers her eyes to the floor so her blush won’t be so noticeable. “No,” she says. “We aren’t.”

There is such a long stretch of silence that Eula looks back up at Lisa in confusion and a little bit of challenge. “…Oh,” Lisa says finally. “I’m sorry, dear, I just assumed.”

And Eula would gladly leave that topic alone forever, but there’s something bothering her about how Lisa says it, how certain she was that she was right.

“Does everyone think that?” she asks, fighting to keep her voice level, even though her heart is racing and she feels slightly faint.

Lisa hesitates just long enough to confirm Eula’s fears.

“Oh, archons,” she says, absolutely horrified. “Oh, no.”

or, everyone thinks eula and amber are dating. gay panic ensues.

amber / eula

*and i couldn't move (all that we were losing) by thelastpoisonapple

(~6k)

Jean's in love with her best friend. She might even have confessed, if she hadn't started hacking up flowers because of it.

(in which hanahaki is fatal if the feelings aren't requited, and jean refuses to make lisa bear that burden.)

jean / lisa. this one was really good. hanahaki au in canonverse.

*among all the lights i've seen so far by pyresque

(~14k)

She's standing in Grand Master Varka's office, and this beautiful young woman has extended her hand in greeting as Lisa reaches out to meet her halfway. Their fingers brush, familiar purple sparks blossoming like flowers in the spring, and a small gasp escapes Lisa's lips.

or, they're soulmates. only Lisa knows, though.

this one is a must read. jean / lisa.

nevermore by bluu

(~1.5k)

“Zhongli says a country directly reflects the state of mind of its Archon.” Yae reaches up with her hand and tucks a lock of hair behind Baal’s ear. “Are you lonely, Ei?”

“I am the Raiden Shogun,” Baal replies lowly.

“I know that.” Then, with teeth, she says, “I made you.”

yae miko / raiden shogun

fool's mate by bluu

(~5k)

“You are infuriating,” Ningguang says, clenching her teeth.

“I know,” Beidou says, smirking. Then, boldly as Beidou does, she reaches her arm under the table and slides her hand down the curve of Ningguang’s waist, fingers lingering at her hip like the slow slick tide of waves, rushing water. “It’s why you like me.”

beidou / ningguang.

[maddiwrites]

A Rock and a Hard Place

Pairing: JJ x Reader

Summary: You’re trying to cope with the death of your twin sister, while trying to manage the growing tension between your family and your friends. 

Note: I’M BACK! I don’t know how long this motivation will last but hopefully it stays for a while. This imagine is the one I wrote half of before it all got deleted and I was so fed up that I didn’t finish it. Anyway, I wrote this late at night. My eyes are literally crossing but I wanted to get it out asap. So sorry if it’s lame and not my best. Also sorry the summary sucks. My brain isn’t working to think of a better one. 

Warnings: None. 

Masterlist

You never truly knew what it meant to feel empty until now. Until the day you were told that your twin sister was most likely dead, floating in the middle of the endless blue sea, never to be seen again. You remember that night so vividly. There was a storm, and the wind was so strong that it was pushing the rain sideways, slapping you across the face with million needle pricks. But that was nothing compared to Shoupe physically shredding through your heart with fingernails like knives – even though all he had to use was his words. Three little words that would change your life forever. “We lost them.”

You remember losing feeling in your legs as you bent forward. The hands that tried to catch you were the ones that belonged to the last person you wanted touching you. The look on your dad’s face when you flinched away from him like a hand on a hot stove didn’t make you feel guilty but rather angry.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” You howled, your own voice catching you off guard. “Don’t touch me. This is your fault.”

“Honey –“

“Sarah’s dead because of you!”

JJ, your boyfriend, came sprinting from the other side of the tent when he heard your cries. He swiveled away from the FBI’s grips who tried to catch him, but when it came to you nothing could stop him.

Its been like that for a while now – you and JJ going to the ends of the Earth for each other. You were always the black sheep of the family, wanting nothing to do with the family business or keeping up the reputation your last name significantly held. You blew off family parties for late night surfs, you never got along with the girls in your class even in elementary school. You enjoyed watching Sunday night football and playing soccer in the middle of a heat wave. It wasn’t until freshman year of high school that Sarah taught you how to wear makeup and walk in heels.  All of this and more is what drew JJ to you in the first place.

He was your waiter at the country club. While Rose, Sarah, and Wheezy all ordered salads or a lightly grilled salmon, you ordered the bacon cheeseburger with a side of French fries and ranch to dip them in. JJ still remembers the look Rose gave you that you purposely ignored and grinned pridefully at the blonde Pogue has he collected your menu. Later that night, JJ caught your eye at a party on the beach and he asked you out. There wasn’t much to consider. The two of you already knew about one another. The island’s small enough that you know everyone and the gossip that surrounds them.

You said yes because despite the rumors about JJ being nothing but a douchey horn dog, you found him to be charming, charismatic, and funny. Sure you had your guard up for the first couple dates, but he easily swept you off your feet and you were nothing like JJ expected in the best way possible. It was a match no one expected. No one thought it would work. But soon you’d be coming up to your one year anniversary. And without him…you don’t know where you would be.

You never told your family about your relationship. Not because you were embarrassed by it, but because you knew what your dad and Rose would say, and frankly, you just didn’t give a shit. It’s not like it would stop you from seeing him. But eventually word got around and made it’s way to your father’s ears and he was livid. It ended with a screaming match – you against him, then eventually you against him, Rose, and even Rafe. Yet you never backed down. Your dad had to be the first one to walk away, followed by Rose, then Rafe after he scoffed and called you a slut.

Later that night, Sarah gently knocked on your door and let herself in after you didn’t say anything. She invited herself into your bed, under the covers, and stared at the exact spot on the ceiling you never took your eyes off of. You expected her to scold you for dating someone so notorious on the island – to tell you he’ll only break your heart and yada yada yada.

But instead, she asked you one simple question. “Is he worth it?” It wasn’t condescending or meant to be sarcastic. She was truly asking and the question even caught you off guard because you weren’t prepared to answer something so deep. However, you didn’t have to think about your answer. The word, “yes,” immediately came out of your mouth. Sarah smiled at you. All she said was, “Okay then.”

That’s when you knew she was your rock. Despite your differences, she was your best friend. She had proved that to you that night.

Sarah was your dad’s favorite. No doubt about it. So it was no surprise when your house turned into even more of a total hell hole with her gone.

Everyone in your family, other than Wheezy, wanted to blame you for your sister’s death. I mean if it weren’t for you and your relationship with JJ, John B never would have gotten a job working on your boat, and John B and Sarah never would have spoken more than five words to each other, and Sarah would never know about the gold.

You already blamed yourself, feeling like you did have part in her death. You were supposed to protect her, but you let her go follow John B because she pleaded with you with tears in her eyes and asked you what you would do if it were JJ in John B’s position. And then it was game over.

Ward and Rafe refused to take blame and they never talked about what happened with Sheriff Peterkin. But you knew. And they knew you knew. Which is why your dad kept you on a tight leash, never letting you out of his sights or off the property unless it was with someone else from your family. Sneaking out to meet JJ wasn’t an option. Your dad had installed a new security system that let him know when your window was pushed open.

It didn’t matter anyway. At least not for a while. You couldn’t find the energy to get out of bed, let alone jump from your second story bedroom window.

You still had your phone and JJ called you every night for the first week, even if it was only to listen to you breathe on the other end. But communication was growing more distant and distant. You knew it was wrong. You stopped making the effort. But thinking of JJ meant thinking of John B which resulted in you missing Sarah and the pain was insufferable. You’re surprised JJ just hasn’t’ broken up with you yet. I mean, he lost his best friend too and you haven’t even tried to comfort him in the least.

Sure JJ was irritated, confused, and somewhat hurt about you not calling, texting, or trying to see him. But most of all, he was worried. You were living under the same roof as two murderers. They may be your family, but they were officially deemed unpredictable.

The Pogues were taking it day by day, but of course it was hard, and without you there, it was even harder. JJ was acting out, and even got fired from his country club job. Pope sulked around because he not only lost his best friend, but his scholarship too. AKA his future. And Kie, well, she wanted justice and would stop at nothing to get it.

Which led them to Figure Eight in front of your home, outside the gates where the security system has yet to detect them. Kie held a can of red spray paint while the two boys stood watch. Pope watched Kie write out the word, “MURDERERS” across the stone fence, his heart tightening with every letter. But JJ wasn’t interested in the paint, but on your window that looked out to the front yard. The light was on, which meant you were home. With every second, he prayed that he would see your silhouette through the glass. And you would see him.

“There,” Kie stands back to admire her work and hands the can to Pope who held on to the trash bag.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” JJ says. Usually he’s never the voice of reason, but he wasn’t thinking about Ward or Rafe. He was thinking about you.

Kie turns to glare at him. “They should be grateful I’m not setting the house on fire.”

JJ huffs and bites his bottom lip. “We should go.”

“I second that,” Pope says, feeling uncomfortable with the vandalism.

Kie looks between both of them. “What is wrong with you two? They’re murderers,” She says, pointing to the house. “Murderers!” She screams. “Murderers!”

JJ jumps and grabs Kie by the elbow, yanking her away from the sidewalk. “What the hell are you doing?”

“What? It’s the truth!” Kie says, searching his eyes for an answer as to why he’s more anxious than angry. Then she catches his ocean blues glancing up at your window and it all clicks in her head. “Ah. What? This about Y/N?”

“Kie –“

“No, JJ. Ever since they –“ Kie stopped, not being able to bring herself to say it. “Ever since Sarah and John B went missing, she has been MIA. She knows the truth and she’s doing nothing about it.”

“That’s not fair.”

“If she cared, she wouldn’t let them get away with it – get away with MURDER!”

You were outside eating lunch with Wheezy when you heard the first scream. It wasn’t until the second “Murderer” did you realize what was going on. Luckily, Wheezy had her airpods in and wasn’t paying attention.

“Shit,” You dropped your fork and walked around the house to the front yard. Luckily, Rafe and your dad were gone – where? You weren’t sure and you didn’t know if you wanted to know. You felt torn between a rock and hard place. Of course you were pissed, heartbroken, and wanted revenge for what your dad and Rafe had put Sarah through. But at the same time, they’re your family. And you didn’t know if you were strong enough to lose even two more family members. No matter how much they deserved it.

By the time you reached the gate, the damage had already been done. MURDERERS was written in capital letters across the clean stone, standing out like a sore thumb. Your dad was not going to be happy, and because it was your friends who did it, he was going to find a way to blame you for it.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” You glare at the three of them.

Kie just glared right back at you. Pope looked almost hopeful to see you finally standing in front of him after weeks of not seeing you. But he noticed you lost some weight and the bags under your eyes were darker. Suddenly he felt sad and guilty for being here to support Kie in her vandalism and not being here for you. JJ watched you, noticing the same things Pope did. But he also saw the flash of hurt across your face when your first saw Kie’s “art.”

He wished he could be mad at you. I mean, if your family are murderers, it should be easy to rat them out and put them away. But then he thinks about his relationship with his own dad, who’s also one of the biggest assholes in the world. Yet, he doesn’t know if he’d ever betray him like that.

“Making sure this island knows exactly who the Cameron family really is,” Kie says.

You bite your tongue, not wanting to start even more of an argument. You didn’t have the energy to put up with Kie’s stubbornness and you knew she had every right to be mad. She lost her best friend too. Both of them.

“You should go,” You say. “My dad will be back any minute.”

“Yeah, okay. You go back to your mansion and pretend to have the perfect cookie cutter life while the rest of us deal with the reality that we’re living on the same island with two murderers that drove our friends to their death!”

You freeze mid step back to your house, letting her words soak in as if she just sprayed acid on your skin.

“Kie…” JJ says softly but you put your hand up to stop him from saying anything.

You’ve never felt hatred for Kie in your entire life. In fact, there were some days where you related more with Kie than Sarah. But this is the closest to resentment you have ever felt towards any of the Pogues. And you did not like it.

“All right, Kie. You wanna do this? Fine. Go ahead. Anything else you want to say?” You say through clenched teeth. It’s taking everything in you not to scream at the top of your lungs.

“You haven’t contacted any of us in weeks. You choose to stay home with those killers instead of helping us find a way to send their asses to jail. We even made a memorial for John B and Sarah and you couldn’t be bothered to show up!”

Okay. So it did look really bad on your end. But Kie should know you enough to know that you’re not purposely isolating yourself from the rest of the world. She should know that you would never support anyone who has killed before. She should know that you need your friends now more than ever but you’ve lost all your strength to even ask for it.

You scoff. “You think I got a choice? You think I choose to stay here? To be told every day by Rafe that I’m the reason Sarah’s gone? To pretend like I don’t feel Rose’s burning stare every time I pass her and my dad talking in his office? To be watched by my dad every second of the day because he thinks I might go to the police with evidence I don’t even have? I didn’t get a fucking choice, Kie.”

“Y/N –“

You cut Pope off. “And I’m sorry I haven’t stayed in touch. But I barely have the will to open my eyes let alone talk to the people who remind me of what I loss.”

“We all lost a friend –“ Kie’s voice wavers as she tries to be strong, but with every sentence you speak, she knows she messed up.

“I lost my sister! My blood. My family. My twin. A part of me is literally floating out there in the middle of the ocean and I have to live with that every day. I’m sorry that you lost your best friend. But we did not lose the same thing. Because not only is my sister dead, but I could potentially lose my dad and my brother too. And yeah, maybe they do deserve to go to jail for the rest of their lives, but they’re still my family, and it’s hard enough to come to terms with what happened and what’s to come without someone literally spray painting it on our fucking property.”

JJ looks down at his shoes, overcome with guilt and shame. He should have tried harder to deter Kie away from your house. He should have tried harder to see you. He should have tried harder to understand your situation. He should have tried harder. For you.

Kie swallows nervously. She’s seen you angry before, but it’s never been directed at her, and she didn’t know what to think about it. She almost felt scared.

“If you actually want justice, then go out and do what the police can’t and find actual evidence that will put my familybehind bars. Because this –“ You point to the vandalism – “is childish and useless.”

When the three of them are finally speechless, you inhale a sharp breath. You thought you would feel like a weight was lifted off your shoulders, but you actually felt the exact opposite. Like a pressure sitting on your chest. Because you subconsciously just made your choice. And you didn’t choose your family. You told the Pogues to find evidence that will take them away from you forever.

You hear your dad’s truck turn the corner onto your street. “Go,” You say to your friends. “I’ll take care of this.”

“Y/N –“

“I said go, JJ,” You say sternly. Your glare burned a hole through his chest, straight to is heart.

Pope’s the first one to make the move. One because he was afraid to be caught by Ward and two because he was more afraid of you if they stayed there for a second longer. He touched Kie’s elbow softly to encourage her to turn away. JJ’s the last one to leave. He didn’t want to, but he didn’t want to cause you any more trouble than they already have. So he gives you a nod, as if the two of you were nothing but strangers all over again. It felt wrong.

“I’ll call you,” JJ says.

You don’t respond. Not even with a nod. You were upset, wishing he had stuck up for you. But it looks like you were on your own. And you better start getting use to that.

“What happened?” Ward jumps out of the driver’s seat and studies the painting on the wall.

“I don’t know. I was just out getting the mail when I saw it,” You lie, forcing yourself not to look into his eyes.

“Go inside. I’ll take care of it.”

You walk back to the house, but instead of going back to Wheezy in the backyard, you lock yourself away in your room and cry into your pillow.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

You finally convinced your dad to let you go on a jog around the neighborhood. The only rule being you had to be back within the hour.

The sky was dark with grey clouds, promising an approaching storm.

You finally had an hour of freedom, and you didn’t know how to spend it. You could actually jog around the neighborhood. It would probably be good for you. But after fifteen minutes, tears run down your cheek. Sarah’s favorite song plays from your playlist, reminding you of the last time she danced to it in your bedroom as she raided your closet for an outfit to wear on her date with John B.

You find yourself at the beach, sneakers buried in the sand as the clouds rumble above you. You fall backwards on your butt and bend into your knees, crying loudly for no one but the empty beach to hear. You try thinking of what Sarah would do.  Would she turn her back on your dad and brother? Would she run away so she wouldn’t have to deal with it? One thing’s for sure, she wouldn’t ignore her best friends. She’d put the drama with her own family behind her to make sure her friends were okay. God, you wished you had her strength.

When you feel someone’s hand graze your upper back, your head snaps up in panic. But then tension soon leaves your neck when you see it’s only JJ. He’s already planting a seat next to you and wrapping his arm around your shoulders, pulling you into his side. You turn into him, gripping at his long sleeve shirt and staining it with your tears. But JJ doesn’t care. He’s just glad he found you.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” You cry.

“Shh,” JJ says into your hair, pressing his lips to your scalp. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I’ve been a terrible friend.”

JJ shakes his head. “You’ve literally been put through hell and worse. No one thinks you’re a terrible friend. Not even Kie. None of us will ever understand what it is that you’re truly going through, but we’ll never stop trying. We’ll always be there for you.”

You sniffle. “I missed you.”

JJ grins. “I missed you too.”

“You’re not mad?”

“I could never be mad at you.” His eyes trail down from your eyes to your lips and he leans in and presses his mouth to yours. Softly at first and then he scooches closer to you and moves his hands to behind your head, combing his fingers through your hair. When he pulls away, he says, “God, it’s been too long since we did that.”

You actually giggled. For the first time since that horrendous night. And it felt good. It felt okay. It felt right.

“How’d you even find me?”

“I got caught by Wheezy trying to sneak into your room. She told me you went on a run so I drove through your normal route and saw you here.”

“Wait. What was Wheezy doing in my room?”

JJ shakes his head. “I can’t tell you. I was sworn to secrecy.”

You scoff, “J!”

“What? I promised her. That’s how I got her to tell me where you were. I can’t just go back on my word like that. I’m not a snitch.” You roll your eyes, not actually concerned about it. She was probably stealing a shirt from your closet or looking for a diary that doesn’t exist. “I’ll tell you this though. That girl loves you. You can just tell by the way she talks about you. So even when you feel alone in that house, just know that you’re not.”

You study the blue in JJ’s eyes and find comfort in the way you can see the truth behind them. You wished you could listen to what the two of them talked about. Not because you were nosy, but because you were grateful that the two of them actually liked each other and cared for each other.

“I love you.” It wasn’t the first time you ever told him that, but it felt like it. Because it’s been so long.

A wide smile pulled on JJ’s lips and he leaned forward to kiss you again. “I love you so fucking much. I’ll never understand how I scored a girl like you.”

You shrug. “I just have low standards I guess.”

This time JJ scoffs. “If I recall, you were the one all over me on our first date.”

“I was not!” Yes you were.

JJ holds his hands up in surrender. “Hey, you tell yourself whatever you need to make yourself feel better.”

You snuggle into his side stare out into the ocean, wondering if maybe there was a chance that Sarah and John B actually made it out of there alive. I mean, anything’s possible.

“Hey, J?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you show me the memorial you guys made for Sarah and John B?”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course. Do you have time?”

You shake your head. “I don’t care.”

JJ smiles and kisses your forehead. “That’s my girl. This way, m’lady.”

You knew life wasn’t going to change in a day. You still had a long way to go to heal the ache in your heart, but you were confident that one day you would get there. But you couldn’t do it alone. You needed the Pogues.

And the Pogues needed you too.

And that’s why you’ll always choose the Pogues. Well, the Pogues and Wheezy.

[oumaheroes]

Like to see a fic where..... Arthur is proud of his cooking and someone he cares about tells him food is yummy. I'm sorry hahaha Soft, domestic kitchen stuff is just a weakness 😅

Sorry this took so long to answer, I hope you enjoy! ❤

Characters: England, France, Spain

-----

‘What are you eating?’

‘Hmm?’ France turned around to find England in the backdoor of Portugal’s kitchen, slightly flushed and messy haired. He never did cope well in the heat unless he was exposed to it for a long period of time and, despite it now being evening, it was still incredibly warn outside where most of the gathering was. Either that, or he’d found Portugal after all, ‘Enjoying the party?’

It certainly was loud enough out there.

Seeing where France’s eyes were going, England flushed and hurriedly tried to flatten down and smooth back his hair, ‘No. What are you eating.’

‘Nothing.’ France rubbed his hands over the sink.

‘Okay, what were you eating.’

‘Why on earth does it concern you?’

‘For Christ’s sake, just tell me.’

‘No.’

‘Why?’

‘Because you’ll eat it.’

England opened and closed his mouth, ‘What?’

France shrugged and moved away from the sink, picking up his half-filled glass of wine and taking a sip. He really would need to compliment Gabriel on this one, it was a good bottle, ‘You’ll eat it. It was delicious and I only wanted a small piece. You, however,’ he poked England in the stomach, ‘won’t be able to help yourself and take far too large a portion than is fair.’

England scowled at him, slapping his hand away, ‘How the fuck would you know.’

‘Because you have a sweet tooth,’ France grinned at him, tilting his head to kiss England on the mouth, ‘There, you’ve had a taste. Happy now?’

‘No,’ England pushed past him and made straight for large oak table in the centre of the room. After a few seconds of checking it over, a pile of sliced up cakes and treats and drink, he licked his lips and turned back to France with a triumphant, wicked grin, ‘Was it this one?’ he asked, pointing to one in the centre.

France was beginning to feel as though he would soon be upset, ‘Yes, that one.’

It was a Pão de Ló cake, very moist and rich and clearly handmade, judging from the taste.

England’s grin widened, ‘I made that one.’

France was upset. England wouldn’t let this one go for a while, ‘Are you sure? I thought you’d made Gabriel that little scraggly one in the corner as a prank gift for his birthday.’

‘No, that one was Prussia,’ Spain had silently joined them from the living room and was now leant against the doorway, sadly observing the table, ‘He told me that he was “trying something” but I can’t bring myself to ask him what it was.’

They all wordlessly took in the lumpy, misshapen bulge that had been carefully tucked away to the side of the spread and half covered in napkins.

‘So, you liked it?’

‘Arthur-‘

'Franny, Feli wants to talk to you.' Spain cut in quickly, shooting England a warning look, 'And Arthur I'm sure someone's looking for you. Outside. And then stay out there, we're giving the toast, if we can gather everyone.'

'Delicious, you said,' England looked far too smug, 'Funny, I remember you telling me not to bother.'

'Scarred from prior experience.' France waved a hand airily, 'I've not yet recovered from that abomination you called Chinese food last-'

'Okay!' Spain clamped his hands on France's shoulders and spun him around towards the living room, 'Time to go.'

'Might want to tell people which one's yours dear,' France called over his shoulder, 'everyone will think that it's Gilbert's otherwise.'

'Fuck you!'

----

Shout out to @needcake for her advice on Portugal's preferred cake!

[sparks-joy-imagines]

Hi! Could I request some hcs or a one shot (whichever you prefer!) where Gojo finds out reader has never orgasmed with a partner before because her previous partners were kind of asses. Thank you either way! Have a lovely day! :)

hello love~ I figured I might as well turn this into a one shot because there had been just so~ many ideas floating around my head for this (including a few Japan traumata lol) - I hope you're ready to buckle up cause this one comes in at 5k appr. enjoy -mesu. PS: A very special thanks to niob for beta-ing this monster and talking me through it!!!❤

Gojō Satoru x f!reader warnings: vaginal penetration, oral sex (receiving), Gojō being a smug arse

You cursed the day you were born. Actually, no. You cursed the day Gojo Satoru was born to torment your existence.

The first time you had met Gojo it had been your first year teaching at Kyoto jujutsu high and your first impression had been that no single living being could withstand his gaze of scrutiny. Given, as the wielder of both infinity and the six eyes there wasn’t anyone on his level to begin with, but did he really have to be an arse about it? Who even hired him as a teacher – a person supposed to be of pedagogic value – in the first place?

Luckily, you didn’t have to see him all that often, usually just whenever the time of year came around for the good-will event with the sister school in Tokyo but he had picked up an unhealthy interest in your person and relentlessly teased you for whatever you did and didn’t do alike.

Utahime had once suggested that it was Gojo’s twisted way of flirting with you and you couldn’t help but scoff and reply that you had seen Gojo flirting. And it was nothing alike how he was acting towards you. Afterwards, Utahime had taken pity on you and acted as an intermittence between you and Gojo so he wouldn’t get under your skin anymore, albeit he mostly ended up getting under hers instead.

At least, that was until tonight. With the students being sound asleep in bed, everyone involved in the event unanimously had decided to head for a drink at a fancy bar in Ginza to celebrate the event ending more or less successfully despite the unforeseen interference of some higher ranked curses and you ended up sitting sandwiched between Utahime and Shoko who both had insisted on a girl’s table away from curious colleagues and ears, while the other staff were seated at a slightly larger table just out of earshot.

The back of your head hit your nape when you downed what felt like the 7th shot of nihonshu. The alcohol prior to the shots had already infiltrated your system, leaving your senses foggy and your tongue loose. You weren’t about to spill your secrets just yet, but it was definitely getting harder to suppress the glances you’d love to gift Gojo who seemed entirely unfazed by any of the liquor he had consumed this evening.

That prick has to use his innate techniques to cope with the alcohol!

You narrowed your eyes, glaring at the tall man across the table who hadn’t even bothered to take his blindfold off while sporting a vaguely amused if aloof expression while the headmaster of Kyoto high and Tokyo high appeared to be in a heated discussion. Speaking of rude.

Lost in your thought of how much you longed to wipe that smirk off of Gojo’s face, you didn’t follow the topic of conversation of your friends at the table who definitely had one nihonshu too many.

“I’m telling you, anatomically speaking, it’s just unfair. It’s so much easier for men to achieve an orgasm, alright? It’s as if nature was against us women,” Shoko sighed dramatically, taking the nihonshu bottle to refill the shot glasses only to find it empty. Another, this time desperate, sigh followed.

“What’s even worse is that men usually don’t care about their partner's pleasure at allll,” Utahime responded with a distinct lull in her voice while she was already close to resting her cheek on the table. She’s definitely had enough but that didn’t stop her from going on, “Ever since I started dating, there’s been what? Maybe two decent enough guys that actually cared if I came too or not.”

“Sounds about right,” Shoko agreed, apparently trying to find some universal truth in the emptiness of the bottle she was still holding onto.

You shot a glance to the two unhappy women at your side, deciding that it was time to share your two cents of truth under your breath, “At least you’ve had partners before who took care of your needs, too. I for once have only been with arseholes who could care less if I came or not. And so I never did… so…consider yourselves lucky? I guess.”

As expected, your volume made it impossible for them to catch what you were revealing and Utahime unbeknownst interrupted the aftermath to your soft confession by suddenly straightening her posture in a surge of drunken energy, grabbing one of your and Shoko’s hands respectively to declare something about not letting this circumstance prevent anyone from having a great night.

You could’ve sworn the corner of Gojo’s mouth perked up the second you shot him another glance…

A few drinks, a second bar, and a couple hours later.

Your head was spinning slightly and you leaned your back against the wall of the establishment you’d just stepped out of. Damn your senpai for making you drink. You soaked in the wet, clean night air which could only be achieved during the rainy season in Tokyo.

The moment you pressed your eyes shut you could hear Utahime demanding to move onto a karaoke bar and continue this until morning. Of fucking course, you thought to yourself and opened your eyes, desperate for any excuse to skip what was about to come.

Among general consensus with a few nods and exclamations here and there, you slowly noticed how Gojo was watching you intently. By now he had actually gotten rid of his blindfold and was sporting his dark shades, his soft hair was framing his angular face, slightly damp by the drizzle and you would have gladly punched him for the way the street lights and shop signs reflected in his hair.

Still, right now you had other things to worry about and so you took a deep breath and spoke up, “Thanks for this evening but I’ll have to take my leave now. It’s already late and I don’t think my voice can handle singing right now.” An obvious lie as your voice was just fine, but it’d do the trick of getting you out of corporate pressure.

And that’s exactly what happened. Your excuse was accepted at face value and you were wished a good night’s rest. Umbrellas were opened and the group made of two faculties strolled towards the closet illuminated Karaoke sign.

You waited until everyone was on the move, so you could gather yourself in your time without any scrutinising eyes on you.

“Leaving an intoxicated damsel to her own devices? How could I be the strongest without taking care of her? Allow me to lead you home, (Y/N)~”

Just when you thought you had lived through the worst, Gojo’s voice piped up right next to your ear. You hadn’t seen him stay behind and now he was close, dangerously so, and he didn’t even care to hide the glee in his voice.

You managed to turn your head in his direction and gift him – what was in your imagination – a nasty stare. For Gojo, it rather seemed like you were trying your best to fixate your dizzy gaze on him.

He sighed and for once dropped his excruciating façade, speaking in a normal tone, “Seriously tough, (Y/N), I’d rather lead you home. Tokyo’s far from being safe at night.”

Seeing and actually hearing Gojo apparently genuinely concerned made you weigh your chances enough that you finally sighed in defeat, “Fine. But only up to the doorstep.”

Gojo blinked at you repeatedly, appearing almost insulted that you dared to think him a man who would take advantage of women like that – truth being that he was more insulted that you thought that he was actually in need of such tricks – and made an off-hand remark of how he could never.

You waved your hand dismissively and slowly tried to straighten your posture, “You’re here by car, right? That’s why you used your innate technique to not get drunk. Wish I could’ve done the same, wouldn’t be dying of spinning world syndrome right now.”

That stopped Gojo’s rant about his hurt pride. A sheepish smirk appeared on his lips and he stated flatly, “You noticed.”

You nodded, which turned out to have been a terrible idea. Nausea overcame you and you tried to curl into a ball, but Gojo was next to you in a second, smoothly wrapping his long arm around your waist while his free hand reached for your hand, easily securing your stance like that.

“Let’s get you home, shall we?”

You nodded and simply concentrated on not getting sick while he led you towards the parking lot where his car was parked. He left you shortly to pay for the ticket and you leaned against one of the nearby vending machines, concentrating on your breathing.

A few moments later the relatively quiet night was disturbed by the low roar of what turned out to be a pricey sports car. It didn’t take long for Gojo to stop said car right in front of you. Ever the gentleman he stepped out of the driver’s seat and opened the door to the passenger’s side for you, offering his hand to you for assistance. The entire picture which enfolded in front of you seemed to be taken out of a romance.

Only when you wobbled over to the car and felt the infinity between your hand and Gojo’s you snapped back to reality, pursing your lips as you stated, “You never let anyone actually touch you, do you?”

“If someone’s worth my while, sure I do,” Gojo replied with a sly smile, but something in his eyes appeared resigned, almost lost. But maybe that was just your imagination? Almost promising.

You didn’t even have time to follow-up on his statement as he simply shut the door in your face, cutting any further discussion short. Soon, Gojo settled in the driver’s seat and drove off towards your hotel. You didn’t even question how he knew where he needed to go.

Silence fell upon you and you simply turned your gaze to the flashing street lights, allowing you to marvel at Tokyo’s nocturnal atmosphere for a while. This was so much better than making your way through the confusing public transport in time for the last train. You shot Gojo another gaze and were surprised to find him diligently keeping his eyes on the road.

At once you wondered if you unwittingly had been keeping him from joining the others at karaoke. Singing one’s soul out and getting undressed in the process seemed right up Gojo’s alley.

“…Thank you for taking me back to the hotel. I appreciate it. You… didn’t really have to do this though, I’m sure you wanted to attend karaoke with the others,” you started off your half-apology.

A soft yet deep chuckle escaped Gojo’s throat.

“Oh sure I did, hun. There’s been something on my mind concerning you which is just soooo much more fun than karaoke could ever be after all,” Gojo casually replied, eyes never straying from the road.

You frowned and cocked your head in an inquisitive manner.

“Don’t act confused now, love,” Gojo smirked as he pulled over and parked the car right next to the entrance of the hotel. He unfastened his seatbelt to turn to you completely and casually rested his elbow against his seat, “Now, why don’t you tell me about never having orgasmed with a partner before?”

The question hung in the air for a moment as Gojo watched you curiously while you didn’t believe the meaning behind what your ears had picked up on.

“I…,” you spilled quickly, already feeling the heat rise to your cheeks. This had to be a nightmare. How did he know of that? You never told a soul, too embarrassed by your unfortunate choice of past sexual partners, and now Gojo Satoru – out of all possible people – knew of your secret?!

The panic must have shown on your face as Gojo’s smug expression softened slightly and he leaned closer to you, only stopping when the tip of his nose almost collided with yours, “You should take more care who might be listening in when you’re talking to yourself, (Y/N).”

You nodded once and leaned back, avoiding Gojo’s touch and gaze as best you could, “T-thanks for the ride.” Even if his revelation had thrown you off entirely, you tried your best to hide it.

“My pleasure. I’ll have to insist on taking you to your room though.” Gojo’s tone was unforgiving and made it very clear that you wouldn’t get out of him walking you all the way.

You sighed deeply and submitted to your fate, sinking into your seat until he had rounded the car and opened the passenger’s door so you could accept his hand to disembark in a semi-elegant manner.

Once you had found your balance he let go of your hand, matching your pace as you walked towards your room, acting as if he hadn’t just nonchalantly invaded your privacy. You shot him several glances but Gojo acted very interested in the interior of the hotel. You didn’t buy it though. Obviously he was just relishing in the fact that he got under your skin.

So he didn’t want to push any further? Fine by you. You huffed softly and pushed the button for your floor once you boarded the lift, Gojo strolling on your heels, hands shoved into the pocket of his trousers.

You refrained from looking at anything close to Gojo’s direction, albeit you could feel his piercing gaze on you. You used the time of the short ride to get your room card out of your purse and as soon as the automatic doors opened, you darted out of the lift and unlocked the door to your room with a soft beep.

Barely having shuffled inside you got rid of your purse and turned around to thank Gojo once again, finding him right on your doorstep.

“Thanks, Gojo, I appreciate what you did tonight,” you smiled awkwardly at the close proximity and mustered the courage to look into his eyes, just to be surprised by their intensity.

“Of course,” Gojo hummed, resting his left arm on the doorframe he leaned closer, stopping right before crossing the threshold with his movements. He easily kept your eyes locked in his, making you all but forget about bringing some distance between you.

“Before I leave… y’know I could help you out with your little problem, (Y/N). If you’re up for it, that is.”

Gojo’s voice was low, eyes dark, pupils dilated with a certain hunger as they stared right into your soul.

When his words registered a soft gasp unwittingly left your lips as your eyes grew wide.

Just what was happening? Had Utahime been right all along?

The next moment Gojo was leaning down to you, making all but sure that your senses shut down to a bare minimum. Standing there frozen in place, time seemed to slow down around you as your eyes flickered from Gojo’s luscious lips to his cyan eyes and back to his lips again.

Was this really happening right now?

Your heart pounded against your chest harshly and you pressed your eyes shut to calm your nerves. That is when you felt his soft lips against the skin of your cheek, undoubtedly skin on skin. He‘d really turned his infinity off!

“As I have told you prior, I don’t take advantage of intoxicated women. But as I understand it, you still have a couple hours before your bullet train back to Kyoto tomorrow. I’ll be waiting for you, (Y/N). You won’t regret it. . .~”

You held your breath and nothing. When you finally opened your eyes again Gojo was gone. Simply vanished! He had done exactly what he had promised to do. Taken you home, up to your doorstep and not a millimetre further.

Did this mean that he was going to keep what he offered if you turned up at his doorstep tomorrow? Up until now Gojo had never given you any reason to doubt him. Sure, he was a prick, but he was honest about being a prick. At least that was more than could be said about any of your former affiliations.

It took a couple more moments before you managed to close the door and turn in to a sleepless night contemplating if you might as well take Gojo up on his offer.

The next day. After some empty excuses to Utahime of why you couldn’t spend the last hours in Tokyo together. In front of Gojo’s apartment.

You stared at the kanji at the apartment, contemplating if you should really proceed now. It had been a pain to get Gojo’s address, dodging several inquisitive questions of Utahime, but now that you were finally here you weren’t sure if you should be anymore.

Given Gojo had lived up to every single thing he had proclaimed so far, plus he never had given you any reason not to trust him. Still, did being here meant that you were willing to compromise your integrity for something as trivial as good sex? More so than the actual act, you were afraid of what it might mean for your future relationship with Gojo; which would be anything but professional hereafter.

Before you could spiral further into second guessing yourself, the apartment door in front of you opened smoothly, offering the view to a slightly dishevelled looking Gojo apparently just out of the shower.

The moment you locked eyes with his bare ocean orbs, a smug grin emerged on his face, “Fancy seeing you here, (Y/N). Come in.”

You mumbled a greeting and stepped into his modern apartment, quickly getting rid of your shoes and outer layers while Gojo walked further back into the flat calling out to you, “Can I offer you something to drink? Tea? Coffee? Pineapple juice?~”

You rolled your eyes, very convinced that you just shouldn’t have come here. You followed Gojo’s voice into a broad living room with an open kitchen. The colours and décor were kept simple, black and white, sometimes a splash of colour in the colour of his goddamn eyes.

After having accessed the surroundings to your heart’s content you turned to Gojo, “Do you happen to have pineapple juice – notoriously known for apparently for making the taste of oral sex sweeter – at hand for your guests at all times? Or did you go shopping for me yesterday?”

A soft chuckle, “I happen to like the flavour. Plus, I am quite certain your juices aren’t in need of any enhancement.” A wink followed. What a bastard.

Ignoring the faint blush that emerged on your cheeks, you countered, “And what exactly makes you so sure about that, mh?”

Gojo shortly nibbled on his full lips as he sized you up with hungry eyes. Then, he slowly rounded the kitchen counter until he stood right in front of you. The smell of his surprisingly fruity after-shave intoxicated your senses.

“Wanna find out?”

You managed a nod and Gojo smirked wider, simply lifting you up on the counter so you were closer to eye level with him.

And then he finally let his soft luscious lips collide with yours, involving you in a breathless, inifity-less kiss while your arms wrapped around his neck on their own accord. Gojo smirked against your lips pulling you closer to himself, gladly taking the opportunity to feel up through the fabric of the blouse you were wearing for travel.

How you cursed the school’s clothing protocol at that moment!

Frowning slightly you broke the kiss, quickly trying to get rid of your blouse with your hands, but Gojo had other plans, catching your hands in his he leaned closer and purred on your lips, “Ah-ah (Y/N), there’s still plenty of time till your bullet train. No need to rush~ This is more than a mere quicky to shoot one’s load and carry on, after all. I need you to relax and enjoy the ride.”

You weren’t quite sure what did the trick. The proximity to him or his genuine tone, but you visibly relaxed and started shamelessly feeling Gojo up in return. You weren’t surprised to find defined abs when you pushed the fabric of his shirt out of the way and followed their lines for a bit before you moved on to explore his back.

“Good girl,” Gojo chuckled in your ear and let out a teasing gasp in response to your initiative before he went to nibble on your earlobe, making you cross your legs behind his hips as a soft whimper escaped your lips.

“Sensitive, are we?”

Gojo moved back, capturing your lips in another kiss, this time parting yours with his cheeky tongue so he could explore your mouth to his heart’s content. You happily complied and concentrated on his tongue enough that you didn’t notice how he skilfully unbuttoned your blouse.

Your legs tightened around Gojo’s hips and you moaned when you felt his growing bulge through the fabric. Gojo took this opportunity to kiss down your neck only to ravish it mercilessly while his hands had taken a liking to your boobs, kneading them through your lacey bra.

“Hah~” More and more lewd noises filled the heated air as Gojo pinched your hardened nipples just the right amount to send shivers down your spine and you were glad that you didn’t have to depend on your trembling legs anymore.

Desperate for support you scratched blindly over Gojo’s upper arms which led him to gift you a wolfish smile as he pulled back enough to strip off your blouse and a swift motion later your bra followed.

Pouting slightly you picked on his shirt, making Gojo scoff and get rid of it, too. You sighed content about the equal stages of undress and wiggled slightly on top of the counter, enjoying the friction this provided against both the fabric of your pants and Gojo’s bulge.

“You little minx,” Gojo growled lowly, suddenly pinning you down to the counter by your neck. The cold surface sent a shiver through the entirety of your body. He adjusted his grip to be more gentle, yet still determined enough to hold you in place, actively preventing you from escaping from his touch. You would welcome the sweet torture that was to follow deliberately and Gojo was very aware of that.

Soon enough Gojo began his agonisingly slow treatment of your torso, mouthing his way from your collar bones to your chest where he spent his sweet time circling each nipple with his tongue.

You didn’t know what exactly he was doing with his shameless long tongue but you had never felt your body rise to the touch on its own quite like that and it took a minute to recognise it was your own voice which echoed through the apartment so obscenely.

Desperate for more stimulation which Gojo still withheld from you, you tried to pull him closer with your crossed legs, earning a suppressed moan from him as his erect member brushed against your clothed sex. How much you would’ve given for those layers to finally be gone.

“You really haven’t been getting laid properly at all, huh.”

Completely unnerved by now you groaned and shot Gojo an acid glare, but the elite sorcerer just chuckled to himself as he straightened back up, sizing you up in the process once again. You had never seen his eyes this dark.

In a split second his hands were undoing your pants as if they had never done anything else in his life and a few moments later you were sitting on the counter completely undressed.

When you blinked away your surprise, Gojo brushed another deep kiss on your lips, humming on them, “I’d hold onto something if I were you~”

And then he dove down to your core, hands holding your hips in place well aware that you wouldn’t be able to hold still.

As soon as his lips connected to your nether folds, a lightning impulse flashed through your body and your loudest moan yet left your lips. Your head flew back by itself and you wreathed as best you could on the counter top for either more or less friction, you weren’t quite sure.

All the while Gojo relentlessly continued his pursuit of your sex, tongue swirling expertly over and around your clit, building up a certain intensity before he moved down slightly to lick and mouth at your entrance.

You desperately held onto the edge of the counter for support, spilling his name over and over again, while Gojo cheekily thrust his tongue into you for a taste before he redirected his attention to your clit again.

The coil in your core seemed to harden and become undone at the same time and another flick of Gojo’s tongue made you scream as you jerked up as you finally hit your high. Juices spilled out of your cunt and you buried your flushed face in your hands while your entire body was convulsing in ecstasy.

Gojo made sure to keep his grip on you so you wouldn’t slide down from the counter, licking his soiled lips. Once he was sure that your breathing calmed down a bit he gently stroked away a couple of stray strands of hair and smirked, “Told ya you weren’t in the need of any enhancement, babe. You’re to die for~”

Still concentrating on your oxygen intake you were feeling rather overwhelmed with everything that had played out just now. It took a bit of bargaining with yourself to search for Gojo’s gaze again, but when your eyes met you immediately noticed the mixture of hunger and smug complacency in his. He had gotten you good, but you decided you weren’t going to leave before payback.

And so you cocked your brow up and smirked, “I admit you lived up to your word, Gojo. Mind if we take round two to the bedroom?”

A grin.

“Not at all, princess,” Gojo replied and picked you up bridal style to carry you off into his chamber.

Gojo’s bedroom was dark. Both furniture and bedding were either held in a dark grey or black and the shades were lowered. When Gojo let you down on the bed you took a look around and tended your head slightly at the unexpected interior.

You were torn out of your thoughts when you heard Gojo unbuckle his belt, followed by the sound of his zipper and turned back to see him in his whole glory.

His member was definitely on the larger side, but you were happy to see it came short of what you knew would be painful to insert. It had a nice girth and was slightly tended to the right, the tip glistening with pre-cum meant for your prior endeavors. You licked your lips unconsciously, eager to feel it in you.

“Marveled at my dick enough, have we? ” Gojo smirked knowingly and reached for a condom which just happened to lie on top of his nightstand.

You nodded slightly and watched him routinely put it on, before you pulled him on top of the bed and ravished his mouth with yours. He had deserved your undivided attention after making true of his promise and you were way past the stage of having any second thoughts.

Gojo curled his lips against yours, easily positioning himself on top of you while his hands were suddenly all over your body. It seemed like he wanted to leave his touch on every inch of your being and honestly? At this very moment you didn’t mind if he did.

The energy between the two of you grew hotter by the minute and you gasped for breath when he readjusted your hips so his member was prodding against your entrance.

“Last chance, (Y/N)…hng~”

The strain in his voice did it for you and you brushed a fleeting kiss on his cheek on your way to his ear, “Take me already, Satoru!”

A deep groan reverberated in Gojo’s upper body at the mention of his first name and he penetrated you in a swift, smooth motion, making both of you moan with pleasure.

He gave you a moment before he moved, offering the opportunity to get used to his considerable size before he started moving at a cheeky pace. Something had just clicked between the two of you and you moved against him as if you had never done anything else in your life. It felt liberating. It felt right. . .

A couple many minutes and exchanges of ecstasy later.

You were laying sprawled half-way over Gojo while he lazily played with your slightly damp hair. After your last round he had suggested a shower since you technically still had a train to catch and you thought it a good idea.

If you hadn’t stopped him, you would’ve also stained his bathroom with his name. Who would’ve thought that his infinite also applied to sexual stamina? But then again, it was Gojo who you were talking about.

You weren’t quite sure how this session was going to change your relationship with Gojo in the future, but you definitely didn’t regret going through with it.

You shuffled slightly on the bed and stretched slightly, “Mh, what’s the time?”

“Hn, ten past two,” Gojo replied with a raspy, yet slightly amused voice.

Ten past two. Ten past two. The bullet train back to Kyoto you were supposed to board was leaving at half past two!

You jumped out of the bed, hurriedly reaching for your clothes.

“FUCK!”

“Any time, (Y/N)”

You shot Gojo another glare, painfully aware that he had to have known.

Gojo only gifted you a wink and grinned, “If you are going to be as nice to me as you were just now the next time we meet, I might be willing to help you out, (Y/N)~”

You cursed the day you were born. Actually, no. You cursed the day Gojo Satoru was born to torment your existence.,

[fighterkimburgess]

Unintentional Chapter 29 - Epilogue

Summary: It's Nadia's first day of first grade, and her parents celebrate before revealing some news. Series masterlist here

AN: I cannot believe Unintentional is done. This fic has been such a ride, and the fact that you've all given it so much love has meant the absolute world to me, thank you so, so much. So much thanks to, as always, @kim-ruzek for helping me work this out, giving me advice, and telling me it was worth writing. Also @crockettmarcel, @felicitysmoaksx, and @resanoona thank you for letting me blurt it out and talk through writing. You are amazing.

My next multichapter fic is one I’ve been teasing a little for Sylveride, and it's called This Wasn’t Supposed To Happen. I'm planning on publishing chapter one on Monday, December 27th. The moodboard and summary will be published on Thursday so you can have a little tease, and I can't wait to share!

Warnings: mentions of miscarriage

Words: 1.6k

Wanna join my taglist?

--

“Mommy? Daddy? Do I have to go to big school?” Nadia Halstead was pouting with big eyes, standing in front of her parents in her brand new school uniform. Beside her was a large pink backpack that was nearly half as tall as her.

“You do, Baby. What’s wrong? Do you not want to go?” Kim asked, squatting down to look at her daughter at eye level.

“What if it’s scary? Uncle Will said when he went to school there it was mean and scary!”

“Your Uncle Will is a liar.”

“No he’s not! He never lies to me!” Jay wanted to roll his eyes but just shook his head.

“He’s lying about this, Pudding.” He bent down to pick her up, Nadia wrapping her arms around him as he did. “Some of the best times I ever had were there. Your Mommy and I love you, right?”

“Yes.” Her six year old pout was out in full force as she spoke, Jay’s stomach twisting at wanting to give in to her.

“And your Mommy and I, and Uncle Adam and Uncle Kev and Auntie Hailey and Uncle Will and Auntie Nina, we’d never let anything bad happen, would we?”

“No…”

“Exactly. So we wouldn’t let you go in there unless we were completely sure that you’re going to have fun and make lots of friends. I promise. C’mon and we’ll go so we can watch you walk in. Ready for your first day photo?” Jay put her down and pulled out his phone, taking a photo of a beaming Nadia with an already missing tooth at the front of her mouth. Kim grinned, blinking back the tears at their daughter looking so grown up already.

The three got into the truck, Nadia showing off her skills at buckling into her car seat herself. Jay managed to get parking just down the street, her parents turning to look at her.

“Who’re you?” Jay asked, smiling at her red curls already starting to frizz in the August heat.

“I’m Nadia Halstead, and I can do anything cause my mommy and daddy said so.” She grinned at them widely, matching smiles on her parents faces. The three got out, Nadia swinging from both their arms until they were nearly at the front gate and she spotted her aunt and uncle, immediately running for a hug.

“Uncle Will! Auntie Nina! You came?”

“Of course we did, Bug. Why wouldn’t we come for such a big day?” The four walked in behind her, watching Nadia as she found her class. They waved goodbye as she walked inside with the other kids in her class. She was easily spotted in the teeming mass of children, her hair clearly setting her apart. But soon all of the children were inside, and Kim leaned against Jay.

“Yeah, that was harder than I thought it would be.” Nina and Will laughed at them, watching the two carefully.

“I can see that. When Pat starts Kindergarten I’m not sure how we’ll cope. We’re not in work till nine, want to get breakfast?” Nina asked, an immediate agreement from everyone around her.

“I’m not sure, I might need to check with my Sergeant or something,” Kim teased Jay, laughing at his smile. His promotion the year before had been the one good thing after a tough year for them, but they’d made it through. Thanks to Nadia starting school properly he’d told everyone they should come in for ten unless they picked up a case. But his radio was off, and he was relaxing with his wife and family to celebrate.

The diner in Canaryville wasn’t busy, nods and waves to the two couples from everyone around as they sat down in a booth. When Nina came back to Chicago and she and Will began dating again it had been strange, but the four made it a habit to come to their husbands old haunts, letting them have some good memories from places they hadn’t been in years. They were sitting across from each other in the booth when Kim squeezed Jay’s hand, a silent conversation going between the two. He nodded, and Kim took a deep breath before speaking.

“We wanted to let you know that you’re going to be an aunt and uncle again in March.” Kim let the words out quickly, delight spreading on everyone’s faces as it sunk in. “We found out last month, but after last year we wanted to be sure.”

“Of course, congratulations, both of you. I’m assuming you’re back to desk work?” Will asked, Kim nodding in response.

They ate, coffee mugs raised to the newest member of their family before Kim and Jay had to leave for work. CPD weren’t exactly thrilled that she was married to her sergeant, and there’d been some pointed comments made after Voight had retired. But they’d worked together for so long and had a six year old, so nothing could be said about their relationship as long as Jay didn’t give her preferential treatment. And he didn’t, Hailey reminding him to lighten up on Kim in work.

They hadn’t told the unit about the pregnancy yet, still scared to after the miscarriage they’d suffered the year before. They’d been so excited about a second child and announced at six weeks so Kim could move to the desk, but at their eight week scan there was no heartbeat. They’d been devastated, the awful memories of being alone for her first pregnancy pushed to the forefront of Kim’s mind until they forced themselves to talk about it and work through it. But this time they could announce and tell everyone.

“Halsteads! Tell me you’ve got photos of that little girl going to school?” Trudy asked as soon as they arrived in the front door of the district. Jay knew when he was beaten, immediately pulling out his phone to show her the pictures.

“She’s adorable. Tell her we’ll take her out at the weekend. 51 is doing a family day and Randall wants to bring her with him, even though he’s retired you can’t keep him away from there. Something to do with wanting to show off that she calls him gramps.”

“Sounds good, just let us know the details. But Sarge, there’s one thing we think you should know.” Trudy’s eyebrow raised at Kim’s words. “From March there’s going to be someone else who’ll want to call him gramps.”

There was a squeeze of Kim’s hand and a nod as the words sunk in, shooing them up to the bullpen before she found something for them to do - “and don’t think I won’t get you doing busy work, even if you’re a Sergeant now, Chuckles,” ringing in their ears as they went up.

When Adam came up he looked like the cat who’d caught the canary, a wide grin on his face as he immediately went straight into Jay’s office. A few moments later he came out, his grin even wider.

“I wanted to let you all know Gemma’s pregnant. We’re having a baby.”

“I didn’t think it’d be a puppy,” Kev quipped, but they all stood to hug and congratulate Adam. They’d all been at he and Gemma’s wedding, Kim feeling slightly awkward sitting in a pew watching her ex fiancé get married as her husband was a groomsman and her daughter was the flower girl. But Gemma had quickly become a part of her and Hailey’s girls nights, being a close friend to them both despite the awkward romantic history between Adam and all three women.

“Well I guess there’ll be cousins born close together then. I’m pregnant again too.” It was more shocked faces at Kim’s announcement before there were more hugs. Kevin was the first to wrap her in one.

“You’re an amazing mom, Burgess.” He was the only one who still called her by her maiden name, and she grinned as they separated.

“Couldn’t have done any of it without all of you,” she whispered back, squeezing her oldest friend’s hand.

If you’d told the Kim of a decade ago, the one who’d just been pulled up to Intelligence and was so unsure of herself, who thought that the choices she’d made had damned her to a life of unhappiness, that she’d be so happy in the future she’d have called you a liar. But she was sitting there with her third pregnancy, with the unit that had become her family around her grinning and celebrating the news and she couldn’t be happier. She still had mental and physical scars from what she’d been through. She still woke up every few months trying not to scream in Jay’s arms after cases involving young women, the same way he did when he’d worked a case involving families.

But she loved her husband and daughter with everything that was in her, and her heart had doubled in size to love this new baby the exact same way. She waved them off to a scene while she got reacquainted with desk duty, smiling and running up leads. That evening, when they left the district hand in hand to go home and see their six year old, Kim couldn’t stop grinning.

“What could have you in such a good mood, Mrs Halstead?” Jay asked, pulling her into a hug beside the truck.

“Well, Mr Halstead, I think everything has hit me. I have everything I ever wanted. The marriage, the children, the parents who love each other and their kids with everything they have. And I’d never want it any other way. I love you.”

She smiled into the kiss he gave, her hands around his neck as Jay’s hands on her hips pulled her close to him.

“I love you too.”

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