#i am glad i’m trans sometimes

[theyheoftheapocalypse]

being a trans guy (ish) is weird cause like. i sort of still socially identify as a woman. especially because i’m not physically transitioned. so i feel like i occupy that space. plus i was raised as female. but i conceptualize myself as masculine and i prefer neutral or masculine pronouns and call myself a guy and boy and brother and son.

so i feel caught between that sort of “all guys suck” mentality that cis women especially have, and “i’m a guy and that makes me feel kinda sad.” cause i know precisely what women mean. but also i am a guy who isn’t part of the patriarchy so hopefully i don’t suck and i would like not to be rejected by women i love and respect because they have a bias against the male gender. but also i know what they mean and i am also scared of cis men often. it’s a weird spot to be in

[transmascissues]

I know that saying T turning twinks into otters and bears is supposed to be positivity, but it feels excluding of those of us that didn't get those effects from T. Trans men can look all kinds of ways and I keep seeing posts that almost belittle the idea of trans men remaining like that after T, but some of us do. Lift up the ones who do turn into otters and bears and those that don't. It's already a point of dysphoria for a lot of people

it is not humanly possible for me to include every single possible transmasc experience in one post, nor is it my responsibility to try to. positivity for one experience does not equal negativity toward other experiences. if you want a positivity post for people who don’t get those effects from t, by all means make one and i’ll fully support you in that, but don’t treat other kinds of positivity as wrong just because they’re not for you.

i am a trans man who went from a twink to an otter on t, and i put that line in because that’s an aspect of my transition that i’m incredibly proud of. i’m allowed to do that, and i’m not required to fulfill some sort of quota of positivity for other people to make that okay. me showing pride in my body and bodies like mine isn’t belittling other kinds of bodies, and i would challenge you to really ask yourself why you interpreted positivity for other people as automatically negative toward you. sometimes some things just aren’t for you and that’s okay. i’m sure there are other parts of that post that did apply to you, as well as plenty of other positivity posts that do. and if not? make some! send them to me, i’d love to reblog them! every positivity post you see is just a trans person making the posts they want to see more of, and you can do the same.

not to mention, hair growth and weight gain on t are incredibly stigmatized. people constantly talk about how bad they think all the hair looks or how gross they think it is when we don’t shave, and gaining weight is something that’s pretty much always framed as a negative side effect instead of a desirable and euphoric change. people literally try to convince us not to go on t by saying “you’re not going to stay an androgynous twink, you’re going to be hairy and all your fat will move to your stomach and you’ll just look like your dad.” that’s a horror story to a lot of people; that’s the thing that they think will disgust us enough to decide we don’t want to go on t.

so if you see a lot of posts hyping up trans otters and bears, it’s not us saying other kinds of bodies aren’t as good, it’s just us pushing back against those narratives and saying “no, our bodies are good too, actually, and i’m glad t made me look this way.” that’s not to say there isn’t also a lot of negativity toward trans men who are smaller and less hairy; no matter how we look, people will find a reason to hate our bodies because they hate us. but you really can’t put the blame on trans otters and bears who just want to send a message that our bodies aren’t bad.

if seeing positivity for trans bodies that aren’t like yours makes you dysphoric, please understand that that’s a personal thing you need to learn how to deal with and not the fault of the people who just want to feel good about their bodies as much as you do. it’s okay to want positivity for your kind of trans body and i promise you those posts are out there, but you can’t expect every single one to cater to your specific experiences.

[limeade-l3sbian]

I genuinely am glad I became a radfem but I’m ngl…sometimes it becomes so overwhelming that I wish I could go back to being a blissfully unaware libfem normie that believed things like “trans people just wanna live their lives, they would never hurt anyone uwu” or “who cares if some women like being hyperfeminine???” or “How dare you say there’s no such thing as 90 million genders 😡”

yeaaa it's a common sentiment. I think dworkin has a quote about that.

[wisecrackingeric-2]

LONG ASS MESSAGE UNDER CUT!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS A MASSIVE THANK YOU TO EVERYONE!!! I’ll tag everyone whose made a star for this drawing in the replies- if I’ve missed anyone or if you wanna be added, PLEASE LET KNOW!!!!!!!

At the time of writing this, there’s about 40 minutes let of 2023, and I’m VERY DETERMINED to get this posted before 2024 so I am in a bit of a rush so alas, this may not be as well-written as I’d like it to be but that’s the price I must pay alas HDNEHENEJDN

I wanna start this by saying I’ve always had a lot of anxieties surrounding the New Years, and things changing- even just seeing posts that were from the year prior always seems to give me anxiety. Things change, people move on, while I stay with the same interests- it’s always been something I’ve struggled with, but making this has helped me come to terms with all of that and I’m glad.

Theres no better words I can say right now other than; Thank You. Thank you so, so, SO much to my friends, both new and old- my friends who’ve been here since the very beginning and have stuck by me through this whole rollercoaster- and to all of my new friends, who it sometimes feels like I’ve known you all for at LEAST five years and not like, five months or something HDBWHNWUDNDHDJS thank you to everyone who has ever been kind to me, supported me and enjoyed what I’ve created- I’ve recieved probably the kindest words I’ve ever heard in my entire life this year. Thank you to the people who stuck by me when times got tough and helped me through my own seemingly very insignificant or silly problems HDNEJENSK

This year has easily been one of the best years of my life. 2022, to keep it short, was awful- I came out as a Transgender gay man to my parents and it went awful. I was dealing with the worst mental health of my entire life and there were times it felt like there was no hope. On top of all of that, my childhood dog passed away- so all and all, I wasn’t looking forward to the future. But my loving partner introduced me to Resident Evil, and as a result the community as a whole- and to say it changed my life would be an understatement.

I know it’s obviously no secret that I have a favourite character, Luis Serra Navarro- but to say his character has changed me as a person for the better would also be a MASSIVE understatement. I’ve never ever in my entire life resonated with a character so profoundly before- as a queer and trans man, I saw myself reflected in his performance, and that means more to me than words can even describe. His character encapsulated me in a way no other has done before, and genuinely helped me accept my autism, my queerness and my trans identity as a good thing- I could write absolutely ESSAYS on his character and I have. I’ve consumed more Don Quixote media than I think I ever would have otherwise HDNEHENEJD and to say I’ve genuinely become a more confident and happier person because of his character would, again, be SUCH an understatement. It’s truly hard to describe how much he means to me, but I hope my words give a good idea.

For the first time in a very, very long time, I get to look forward to my future. I don’t see my Queerness or my Trans identity as a setback anymore; I have things to look forward to, plans I’ve made and a future I can look towards. And I cannot thank my friends- all of you know who you are- André and Andrea and everyone in my life and this small little community I’ve unintentionally formed for giving me that opportunity. Words will never be able to describe how grateful I truly am, but I hope this is close enough.

Thank you for letting me fully indulge in my autism and enjoy Luis’ character to the fullest. I’ve never felt happier enjoying something in my entire life.

Thank you everyone. For everything. May you all successfully defeat your own windmills <3

[kosmicdream]

Please don’t think of me as a male artist.

..is what i used to feel, for many years, even when I finally came out as trans. In a way, its one of the factors that kept me from pursuing HRT (which im so glad i finally did.) After only one year, my feeling on this hasn’t evaporated completely but i suppose I kind of don’t care anymore about how I am interpreted, as a person/artist, ect.. It isn’t something i can be in control of anyway, which upsets me less than it used to.

Sometimes in the past, the way i write characters has often been analyzed by the gender I am, or appear to be - that my male characters were written like how a woman writes men (too emotional/vulnerable, ect) , or how my female characters are written thoughtlessly- like how a man would. (too horny, stupid, violent, ect.) Its not a new way to analyze a story but I can’t say that it doesn’t annoy me. It could still be true that my characters/writing could fall into sexist/problematic archetypes, but gendering my work based on the way my characters act always reminds me of the “you draw like a girl/boy” comments, which used to be more frequent when i was a teen.. But the idea that boys = angular, good at cars! Or something and girls are, i dunno, gonna draw sexy anime men or something. Even as a teenager, i hated this idea that my art was “girl art.” Truthfully, i always viewed my art and myself as an artist as genderfluid, maybe even a type of drag performance, where i can explore any gender and not be limited by my body, it was my escape from that. Which naturally, it became my place to explore gender presentation and eventually helped me “crack my egg” of realizing i was a trans man.

I do think its important to reflect or regard my work as the art made by a trans man, or transmasculine person. I feel more and more just like “just a dude” these days. I am also a gay man. I think those things are important to my work. I think that the analysis of my work in regards to my identity as a person is important to reflect on. I also think the steps I took to get there were important, that transformation and my continued exploration of my older selves and more “label-less” self in the art i make. That’s a private space for me, that I happen to share with the world too. I feel the audience is part of my work too, I welcome it even. I have become part of the audience too and I look at my work as if I’m also a stranger. The older my work gets, the more of it I can study, the more I can see plainly how I got here and also it feels so confusing how it did. I try to study my art to help me find where I want to go to next, a map to guide me. 

In some ways, I feel more lost than I did before, where all my instinct was pushing me was just to grow and explore as much as possible. Now, I don’t have that same type of energy that I used to. Its not a bad thing, its just different. There’s a sense of duty and commitment and a sense of dread of the time it takes to do what I feel compelled to do on this step of my journey. I am trying to focus more on the things I used to think I was incapable of before and I’m trying to remember the things I used to think were so effortless. I can tell my art is sharper but it feels almost like a mimicry of my older selves - at least when I revisit old work to continue its journey past where its been frozen in time. Comics take a long time, after all, it's normal that after a few years - a story might be yours, but it feels like it belongs to the past of you too, maybe more than it does in the present. I like the commitment I have to my comics though, its not a burden to me. The feeling is strange anyway. 

I tend to think that 1-3 years of a project being made, those are the honeymoon years of the relationship. But you hit a wall in 4-5 years and sometimes you’re in denial about it, you try to keep the dreams and feeling alive as you drag it forward, and sometimes the project really reaches its end around 8-10 years and it becomes a type of empty promise to return to it. Not that this is true for every artist, every project, ect. But I think its a natural lifespan for comics that I’ve observed, and it's because it is uncomfortable to face morality and the morality of our own art. Art is this escape, and when it becomes a job - or an uncomfortable mirror into these things about ourselves, about our failures and promises we couldn’t manage to make, the pressures of the audience, the boredom of the task if you have already told yourself the story a thousand times and you have no longer a desire to continue it, ect - its a normal and natural feeling to want to drop it off a cliff. Blow it up, start over fresh - I know the feeling! Its happened many times. But its kind of temporary? Then, it cycles back to nostalgia - and the desire to create and recreate and reform the past to something tangible again.. uh

Sorry, sorry.. I am getting far from the point I started with. Not that any of this makes too much sense, I feel like writing it anyway. It bothers me that the fantasy of art to me, is the ability to dissolve yourself and stop existing, you are the creator creating. You don’t need to be confined by, really anything. It is in “your control” now, and you surrender your own control by falling into the art and letting it “lead you” places. This is a very seductive process and while it might temporarily be fulfilling (even when done for a lifetime) cannot really.. What.. completely fill the void of whatever you’re chasing down there? Its nice though. At least, when I think about when i first started drawing comics, it was to draw Vash the Stampede (from the original 98 anime series, i hate the new one. We’re not talking about there here) coming out of my television after a thunderstorm and he had to just live in my house now. It was the closest thing I could do to actually manifesting that as reality, of making this amazing anime husband come to life to just like live with me now and be my boyfriend. In a lot of ways I don’t see my pursuit of writing ocs, specifically male ones, really much different from this same desire of like “i can just make my perfect boyfriend!” born out of the loneliness I felt in my heart, and the fear that there is no boyfriend out there for me so i need to frankenstein my own - and this boyfriend will be poifect in every way. Or like, crafting the perfect “relationship” in replace the lack of one, or just the fantasy of watching very abstract extremes come to life in various puppets i crafted, beating the shit out of each other for entertainment. But to subject all these.. Abstract Internal conflicts as simply like a “boy author thing” or “girl author thing” is like.. Tiring. Are we really not past that? (Of course not.) 

Like there’s some hidden truth to the way someone might write/draw, the way that “makes sense” in retrospect once the identity of the author is analyzed and discovered.. How can you make sense of the self, let alone the other .. and In a way that’s permanent? And gendered? Does art now have an inherent sex characteristic? But I cannot deny that I do want my art to look and feel like part of who I am, what I have chosen to sexually identify as - a transgender, a man, a faggot. I DO identify as a sexual deviant, but that is hilarious because I have been single for so long at this point I can’t even remember in a tangible way what that felt like and I question if I ever felt it or experienced it “for realsies” because of the experiences I have had or havent didn’t feel very fulfilling or romantic, despite that being something I desire so much - and so I feel like a failure. And to create art just based on the fantasy of desire rather than the lived reality, can it even really display what that would actually be like. So its embarrassing, right? 

I have worked on my art a lot and I have often thought, or come to the conclusion (true or not) that my singleness is the result of my pursuit and dedication to art - which is the pursuit of self isolation and protection from harm. From influence, from acknowledging that life can exist and someday end. And when you work on projects for years and years, the pride/shame dichotomy only gets more.. Weird. It gets weird, guys! It always was weird, but.. I just think about so many my heroes, my art inspirations, working decades on their art.. I follow in their footsteps too and it feels scarier and lonelier than I expected it to be. And the more and more I realized that as a reality, as my 20s faded away, the more I kept walking. I wasn’t gonna stop now, even if I could, I don’t want to and its not hard to do other things too. I have a slower pace than I used to (thank god) and gets slower but I’m still moving. 

I don’t post or write my little art journals as much as I used to. Mostly cause I don’t really have anything good to say and it kinda feels embarrassing to post them too LOL. But.. whatever!! Its been a weird four months of me being off work and I’m about to go back to being a normal working person again.. But its like, its weird to tell people about your art when they ask about what you do. Its like “oh yeah, i draw webcomics” and they wont get it, you’ll say - “yeah its 8,000 pages long” and they’ll say, “thats a lot!” and it is. They’re very nice about it, but there’s a lack of satisfaction there with what that means. I don’t expect it, that’d be dumb as hell. Its nice to take a break from it too, to discover other sides of myself I never let shine because i stayed indoors for a decade, but its a weird feeling too. Like, what will it mean in the end? I don’t really know. 

I don’t think I need “success” to feel like this was worth it, its not like a trophy is gonna come in the mail for the good workTM I’ve done - there is no closure to the work I make even when a story finishes. I have to keep going regardless of that, and its strange to know it won’t ever feel done. But I am so thirsty for that temporary itch to be scratched, it keeps me working every day for the “maybe” of what that might feel like. Kinda silly, really. Is it my “male” pride that demands recognition? Would respect be given more freely if I had “remained” to be perceived as a woman, for subverting the expectations for what a woman can/can’t write? (lol) Is my value as a person determined by that sort of thing in my art? I don’t think of my pride as gendered, but I know its there and I know because of who I say I am, my pride will be gendered by others. I think when I was a woman, that pissed me off more than now because.. Well.. I wasn’t even living as the way i wanted to. I still don’t really live as the way I want to, the way I want to be perceived, but even being on HRT for a little more than 1 year, without much else lifestyle changes, I feel a little more at peace not mattering what others will take away from me or what i write about. I have a lot of my own expectations for myself and what i write about and that concerns me far more. 

I don’t really know how else to end this, I’m going to eat chocolate now. Oh, to answer your question (?) if you might have this one: can I think of you as a male artist, kosmic? sure. I am one after all.

[pansyfemme]

is it possible that you're willing to share more information about the boyfriend.... 🥺🥺🥺

(i love your blog as a baby trans guy i feel so inspired you're epic)

first. thanks! and second. none of this is info i havent shared before, i’m happy to talk about him (and i do) but i don’t want to overshare since yknow. i have a pretty big precense on this site and i worry about overwheming him with internet attention at times, yknow. i do. still talk about him a lot tho. so. idk its early

well. uh. we go to school together, so we’re both artists. we’re t4t, he’s also a fairly feminine guy who wears dresses and has long hair, but he’s in a pretty different direction-he wears a lot of black and is more gothically inclined. we started seeing eachother a bit over 3 months ago. we’ve known eachother since freshman year, but have never been super close friends, but a sort of. mutual admiration. i always thought he was very cool but i tend to. stick to my own group at school i guess? and he’s similar in that respect. I developed more of a substantial crush on him some months ago, and he apperantly did for me as well. and i could. tell a little bit. what started us talking though was that we have a mutual friend who gave him my phone number and often would stop by his work with me when we were hanging out, since she knew we thought the other person was cool. (she did. not know our intent was romantic, but she matchmade in a weird way regardless) I had been flirting with him for a little bit, especially at the times we did text, but i don’t think he. got thats what i was doing. and i dont think i was very good at it, so eventually, a few days after i moved home for the summer, i asked him, in a very awkward way, if he was interested in going out with me sometime, and learned that he did not. seem to suspect me liking him back despite me assuming he already knew. regardless, the intense crush was indeed very mutual, so he was very excited by the idea lol. we live a bit from eachother and both dont drive, so it took us a few weeks to be able to go on our first date, but it was lovely. he also came down for a few days to visit me for my birthday, which was. the highlight of at least the year for me. it was pretty fantastic. i’m not exactly outgoing but i’m not exactly not either so. i was worried about it but he doesnt think he would have had the confidence to make the first move until much later on so i’m pretty glad i did? we’re both chronically anxious so it was kind of. a realization on my part that it was probably best if i was as blunt as humanly possibly, and it. worked? i sound very awkward but im really over the moon about the whole thing. he’s a remarkably smart and sweet person, and incredibly talented at. everything he does. i feel very lucky. he’s also followed me on here for quite some time and he finds my internet prescense. very entertaining. which i’m glad because i was worried it would turn him off lol. i promise i am more polite irl. but yeah :) i’m excited to be able to see him in person consistantly for once.

[our-transmasculine-experience]

I went through a bunch of genders since I was really tryna figure myself out

If I can remember correctly, I went from:

Cis female, demigirl, genderfluid, non-binary/neopronouns, and finally trans/non-binary/neopronouns

I am counting it/its as a neopronoun btw (I use he/they/it pronouns)

Even as a 'demigirl/cis girl' I was like "man I'd do anything to have a flat chest" which is already kinda a sign I'd turn out trans lmao

Tumblr moots helped out my trans awakening so shout out to them

awesome! sometimes it takes a while but i’m glad you figured it out!

[sundayinthcpark]

adore "transmasc" and "lesbian" in ur bio (unironically). i recently came out as transmasc and genuienely it was the final straw that made me say "fuckall" to trying to decipher my own sexuality, as i think that being trans just. the concept of my relationship with a woman definitely makes me label that idea as lesbian. and yes i am trans at the same time.

WOO IM SO HAPPY FOR U !!!! i take great pride in my labels and i know they’re not always correct on ur first go (i’ve used so many different labels over the years) and sometimes u even figure smthn out about yourself later too and that changes things and y’know what that’s cool !!! but i’m so glad that you’re figuring out your relationship with gender and sexuality. i wish i had a lot of advice for u but all i can say is keep learning !!! four years ago, i was 100% sure that people who use he/him pronouns couldn’t possibly be lesbians, and six years ago i thought there were only two genders. i’m still learning things about peoples’ gender expression and especially how gender and lesbianism are tied together and not only is it all very interesting, it also helps me learn and understand more about myself and the people around me !!!

[our-trans-youth-experience]

hi! i’m the same anon from a little while back, who talked about going by the name rufus

i actually think i finally found my actual name. well, not found. i’ve kind of had it the whole time, i just kind of ignored it for some reason

for a long time, i remember whenever me and my girl friends when we were younger were discussing playfully what our names would be if we were boys, i would usually bring up the name “Benjamin” atleast once. everytime i heard it i would feel good, and i had no particular connection to it. i knew nobody with the name. i just liked it, and now, i think it’s mine. (although i think i like the nicknames more. Benji is really cute!!)

and, about me questioning my gender, for now, i think i’m pretty confident with saying i’m a trans boy and that i want to go by he/him :] also, i might come out to one or two of my friends, and ask them to call me Ben or Benji and refer to me as he/him when we are in private! but that’s a big MAYBE lol

of course, i could be 100% wrong about this, and look back at this a couple weeks from now and feel really embarrassed for sending this ask in. but for now, i’m proud. and really what matters the most to me, is the now <3

so for now, i am happy to say that i am a boy named ben

Hey Benji, good to hear from you again! I'm glad that you have found a name that might be the one! Don't stress if it doesn't fit though, names take a while to find sometimes.

[swallowtailed]

palisade 43

man. incredible episode.

really pulling the entire divine cycle together—calling back to the hypha, to strati, to volition—and the whole sweep of partizan/palisade.

extremely cute intro. hopping back on air (while high) to freestyle for the entire twilight mirage, honor the dead, drop one “valence” in there real quick, and get out again. parti rights. we’re baaack~ :D

thisbe this episode: hooting hollering etc. worldwide resonance!! her conversation with volition was really compelling. it did strike me that volition seemed to approach the question of divine autonomy from a rather individualist angle (just think yourself free! let people do what they want!), which i suspect is an artifact of (a) living in a supportive community for 500 years & so somewhat forgetting the importance of that, and (b) being volition. i do think that thisbe is on the right track in the principality context, looking toward community building.

also it’s so funny that volition just is an obsidian orb again sometimes. trans rights

brnine this episode: describing grief as a disconnect from your past akin to leaving entire planets is so perfect for brnine. also devastating. loved the sandwich callback as well, that was one of my favorite twilight mirage beats.

am pulling together thoughts about brnine getting challenged to stay in the mirage or leave and fight. when you’ve been defending the distant concept of an ideal, how do you handle the reality of it—especially when that reality is something you were never meant to see, and is so disconnected from the circumstances of your life and your cause. but of course brnine’s tied their life entirely to their idea of keeping up the fight, and haven’t thought that anyone they’re honoring could ever have wanted anything else. (it is also: blue channel going back at the end of partizan.)

have we considered the possibility that ali isn’t gonna have brnine say valence’s name unless and until it’s with their last words

on that note: you know, if someone was terrified of dying, but also sort of craved death, and also grounded their self-worth in their fight for their cause, it would seem awfully appealing to be promised endless life as long as you don’t stop moving. very here for jesset’s motion era. i don’t think there’s enough left of motion to take an elect… is this a dark mirror of integrity? something burrowing in? jesset’s brain gets hooked into that mech…

but also what do we think he’d pick for his elect name if he did pick one. has to be a plant, right? and he already has another naming scheme to fit as well… i think it should be catnip

eclectic this episode: of course he’s trying to arrest the divine who killed his squadmate in front of him, aka the first chapter of every noir procedural ever.

what is futgure doing ohhhhh my god

hey also we still don’t know dre’s new character? many questions

cori this episode: SO glad she’s joined perennial. love this for her. also the… black russian sage wings???? excellent. her entire conversation with perennial was so moving—reaching out to figure and finding their god doing the same is such a piece of tragedy. and the way the need to protect is shared among the three of them—have not stopped thinking about figure just wanting to see cori safe and happy. and then cori holding perennial as she sobs.

“we were figure’s people” is exactly what i wanted someone to say but also ;-;

the conceit of doing a story in a time loop is that you’re gonna repeatedly say, well, can’t do it this time, better move on—which sucks when the loop is a revolution, right, because then it’s implied that liberation is a one in a billion chance and more than likely impossible. (fine starting place, frustrating ending.) but with perennial no longer able to turn back the clock, it gives cori room to declare that there’s no need to keep restarting, they can win it here and now. it’s never impossible. which i am glad for.

look i’m sure they’re just gonna do 1-2 more downtime eps and then 4-7 finale eps and that’ll be palisade but. clears throat. taps mic. It’s Gonna Be Really Funny When They Do Thirty More Episodes. ok that’s all

[lovelivingmydreams]

Hi! Same anon from before here I’m very glad my ask made you happy! I genuinely adore the raven poetry multiverse and get really excited every time you both post a new chapter and new art! Usually I’m not one for anything but oneshots but the story really got me! (Literally spinning all the universes around in my head like rotisserie chicken) is there any fun facts you’d like to share about any of the universes you haven’t gotten around to writing chapters for yet? (Without spoiling anything important obviously)

Ooooh That's a great question!!!! Lets see. @skeletinmoss and I do a few we want to share: -In one au Logan is a sugar daddy -Uncontrollably teleporting Remy is fun -And there is Tarot Remus. All his alters are a bit nuts, but he might be the nuttiest. (also in this one his boyfriend might be almost too much for him to handle but not more than he's willing to take) -The "No you" Janus ( no elaboration) -In one au Patton is trans and his hero name is an egg pun -Emile does standup in one that's fun -There is a very pretty glass manipulation power somewhere in there we are pretty excited about -not something for the future but we are both very fond of the karaoke stream. Just the online personality shenanigans in every au are so much fun. -Honestly i love how Remus is always the one with the least personal drama. He's just living his best life. Small exception in eclipse but that's not his fault -I am so soft for Roman hanging out with kids. If you guys aren't careful i'm going to drag that stuff out so much when i can. -I also look forward to every instance where Roman has to stand up for himself. He sometimes has a bad boyfriend, rival or ex and it always makes for such a great moment of prioritizing his well being over accomodating their needs. -all that good puppy Roman content. I am so open to you guys suggesting things to do with that whenever we write full moon -hehe Journalists being Roman's nemesis -Detective Logan being clueless to not so well kept secrets -And I can't wait what you'll guys will pick for our next project after we finish Raven poetry! We decided to let you guys pick.

[sparklemaia]

trans as in transformation, trans as in transcendence

✨

Drawing myself is one of the most powerful tools I have to affirm myself, and as the year comes to a close I’m thinking a lot about this ongoing Journey™ through both art and identity. I started this tumblr just over a year ago, simply to have a designated place to collect all my sketches and rambles, and now I’m coming up on 2 big transition milestones: my 1 year HRT-iversary and my pre-op consult for top surgery 🎉 (Oh also I just submitted my application for cartooning school, because I fucking love this and want to do it for the rest of my one wild and precious life, tysm) 

What I did not expect when I started dumping my brain out here on tumblr dot com was the sheer number of people who would come across my journal comics -- intensely introspective, often idiosyncratic, a little goofy -- and see so much of themselves and their stories reflected in mine. Thousands of you! Like literally thousands! (You’re not as alone in your Weird Gender Feelings as it sometimes seems, I promise ♥) For every single person who has reblogged my comics, left a kind comment, sent me a message to say “me too” -- thank you. I see you, and I am so very proud of you. What an honor it is to share this broken, breathing, beautiful world with you. I’m glad you’re here, and I’m glad you’re you. 💖

I am so wildly grateful for where I am, what I’ve survived, and where I’m headed. Come along with me. Tell me your story. I’m listening ♥

[pokemenlovingmen]

Hello!! I keep reading your ingo writing and man I love how you write him;; I am so gay for this man the closet is made of glass. Also MALE READER BLOG!!! PUNCHING THE AIR IN JOY AND GOING STIMMY MODE RN!!! AND RUN BY A TRANSMASC MOD!! JUST LIKE ME FR!!!!

I wanna request while I have the chance, I was thinking Ingo and a s/o with an overprotective Houndoom? I absolutely love Houndooms because 1: they look like my dog irl, and 2: big dogy :] ;; i just think it’d be cute and kinda funny to see Ingo try and win over his boyfriend’s big and mildly threatening dog.

Tysm!! <33

I… have nothing to say for myself for my absence. Life has been painful. I’m so so sorry my friend, your request has been the one I’ve been sitting on all this time.

But omg you’re so sweet thank you for the compliments!! I’m glad that you like my Ingo, he and Emmet are both written by me to lean unashamedly into hard autism territory so maybe that’s what it is lol.

And wow tbh I was considering not including that I was transmasc (still a bit… nervous in gay male spaces as someone who’s transmasc. I know it isn’t true, but I’m so worried of being perceived as not a man or less of a man in those spaces.) but I’m glad I did because I’ve pulled so many trans guys in to visit this blog and!! Big solidarity!! I’m giving each and every one of you a Platonic Kiss on the head

Meeting the Real Boss — Ingo x male Houndoom trainer Reader

⚫️ — Don’t let that serious face fool you, Ingo is just as soft and sappy as his more emotive brother. When he fell for you—that mysterious stranger who shook up the Super Singles Line that fateful day, he fell hard.

⚫️ — You were seen around Nimbasa the following days, but Ingo assumed you were just visiting, as he’d never seen you in the area before. So time to talk to you was limited, at least in his eyes. That was enough of an excuse to get him to give up and write you off as a passing fancy—but it was not enough of an excuse for Emmet who, the moment he found out his brother had developed a crush on one of the challengers, would stop at nothing to get you two talking. (Because he can lack all the social skills he wants and have as little confidence as any grown man could have in his speaking ability, but if it meant getting his dear brother a boyfriend, Emmet would turn into a social savant right then and there.)

⚫️ — So yeah, your relationship with Ingo started out interacting with Emmet more, mainly because every time Emmet not at ALL subtly dragged his brother over to talk to you, Ingo genuinely couldn’t look you in the eyes.

⚫️ — But eventually you guys got together via bonding through—how else?—battling! There was a love language Ingo could get behind, and after your repeat challenges became a constant thing at the Battle Subway, sometimes multiple times a day, he finally worked up the nerve to ask you out after telling himself he’d do so if he won your battle today. He did, and one nervous coffee date later, you two actually managed to start properly talking without needing Emmet (Emmet, of all people, even HE is shocked!) as the middleman.

⚫️ — All is well. You both share a great passion for battling—of course—and you find all his little quirks from his loud voice to stone face adorable. You definitely know you’re onto something real when you actually make him happily stim in public after saying he looks so cute and excited when he talks about the subway, something Ingo has tried incredibly hard to iron out through all the masking he’s done all his life. To be honest, you absolutely have him wrapped around your finger, but it’s okay, because you’re a total fool for him as well and would do anything to make him happy.

⚫️ — But as you two begin pondering how to define your relationship, wondering if it’s time to make things official, your Houndoom starts to realize Ingo is going to be more and more of a presence in your life as much more than a casual friend. And he takes issue with that.

⚫️ — Houndoom was always fine with Ingo before. The thrill of battling on the subway and having such worthy opponents was something you could tell Houndoom savored, which made it all the stranger that he began getting worryingly aggressive around Ingo.

⚫️ — You wanted to ask him to be your boyfriend officially a few times now, only for Houndoom to intrude by putting himself between you and Ingo, growling all the while as if he could sense what you were about to ask and did not like it.

⚫️ — Houndoom means well, he really does. He knows what happens when humans get close like this and knows that if you and Ingo continue down that path, he’ll be in your life all the time. Maybe even where you live. Maybe sleeping beside you. There to see you at your best and your worst and, most concerningly, your most vulnerable. But you only met recently, and even if his Pokemon seem to indicate he’s trustworthy, that doesn’t mean anything! You’re a part of the pack to Houndoom, and he is not about this total stranger (at least, a total stranger by his standards) being a permanent fixture in your life. How on earth could he earn the right to be by your side so easily? No, you’re part of his pack, and Houndoom is hellbent to keep you safe from the encroaching outsider.

⚫️ — (Does he completely miss how happy Ingo makes you? A bit—the protectiveness fogs up his perception, okay? And even if he does make you happy, Houndoom thinks the month and a half or so you’ve known each other for is not long enough to just welcome Ingo into the family with open arms.)

⚫️ — Ingo is… troubled, to say the least. He’s worried your Pokemon disliking him will make you dislike him, which you assure him otherwise. Even still, the Houndoom line is not native to Unova and Ingo knows very little about it, therefore he has absolutely no idea how to proceed. Unova has the Growlithe and Lillipup families, but they’re much more good-natured than this. Still, he loves you, and while he’s worried about causing friction with you and your Pokemon, your assurances that he’s fine are (relatively) enough to spur him to try and make peace with Houndoom.

⚫️ — Treats were some of the first things he tried, to minimal success. The only reason Houndoom let him into the house that day at all was because you begged and pleaded for him to lay off your boyfriend, and even then he watched you two like a hawk. Treats Ingo brought and Houndoom’s favorite snacks that you already had in the home did nothing to persuade him. Attempts to play? No. And Ingo knows better than to even think about petting him.

⚫️ — Eventually Ingo just starts rather desperately trying to exist around your Houndoom’s wrath. He loves you and doesn’t want to break the news but. Your Houndoom scares him.

⚫️ — You can’t say he didn’t try, though.

⚫️ — But then! One day, you get sick. It’s a pretty nasty stomach bug that lasts for a day but wreaks havoc while it’s there. You’re practically bed-bound from the severe nausea, but Ingo is there the entire time, fretting over you and caring for you like any good boyfriend should. Houndoom’s prerogative is the same. He’s worried for you and wants you to feel better. So while Ingo is bringing you plenty of fluids, nausea medication, blankets and pillows, Houndoom is there to cuddle up and keep you warm and calm. It’s just that… it’s very hard for Ingo to care for you when Houndoom won’t leave your side and growls whenever he gets close.

⚫️ — This time, though, Ingo doesn’t shy away. He’s too worried for you and even though Houndoom is being incredibly threatening and there is a part of him a bit worried for his own safety, he brushes right past Houndoom’s huffing and puffing to keep caring for you. He brings you water and helps lift the bottle to your lips while Houndoom snarls. He sits at the bedside and dabs at your face with a damp towel while getting death glares. His need to be wary of your Pokemon is greatly outweighed by his need to take care of you. Essentially, they’re both fighting for the role of your primary caretaker.

⚫️ — Time goes on, though, and Houndoom definitely notices how his snarling and snapping isn’t stopping Ingo from aiding you. And after all these negative interactions, Houndoom is finally stifling his concerns and instead just quietly watching. Then helping. He and Ingo have a common goal here. And while Ingo is certainly surprised to find the defensive Fire-type suddenly aiding him, it’s a welcome change. In seeing his dedication to you at your most vulnerable, Houndoom has at last deemed the Subway Master as a worthy partner.

⚫️ — While you’re sick, they continue working together to care for you until their own energy is spent. You wake up in the morning, a bit sweaty and nauseous, but otherwise feeling far better. And you look over to the foot of the bed where Houndoom usually curls up to see Ingo right there with him, resting his head on Houndoom’s side—the both of them are fast asleep, knocking out together after such long and dedicated day caring for you while you were sick. The hostility Houndoom regards Ingo with seems completely gone as he lets him rest against him to sleep. You can’t remember much of what happened last night, but you know both of your boys here were caring for you with all the love in the world…

⚫️ — And though you had been thinking this about Ingo for a while now, seeing Houndoom accept him at last really solidified the fact that Ingo was “the one”.

[your-queer-dad]

hey queer dad (I assume I can call you that?)

I’m new here, but I’m probably going to send in a few asks every now and then because sometimes I just need advice.

I came out as trans (ftm) to my parents over two years ago and they weren’t very supportive. For a while they stayed that way, but over the past couple of months my mom specifically has seemed a bit more open to it. She’s started trying to call me by my middle name, which is gender neutral, and while she does forget sometimes, she has been trying more than ever lately. I’ve told her that when I go to college, I plan on starting transition and going by the name Isaac. (I can’t right now because of the very specific environment that my family’s in.) The problem is that she wants me to just go by my middle name. I love my middle name and have considered going by it early on, but at this point I’m too attached to the name Isaac to change it. I told her that we can talk about it, but I’m a little worried. I’ve worked really hard to get her to this point and am scared that if I do anything “too trans” it’ll scare her off and we’ll have to go back to where we started.

thank you for reading

-Zac

Hey kiddo! Thank you so much for reaching out. I'm really glad she's been trying to be more inclusive, even though she didn't accept you at the beginning and that she's trying. Ultimately, it's your decision what name you choose, not hers, and you should use whatever name is most comfortable. You're the one who will have to be called it every day, not her.

I'm really proud of you kiddo and if you ever need to talk, my inbox is always open!

- dad x

[anangelforsure]

I am asexual. Many of my favorite fictional characters and robots or inhuman. What do those things have in common? I’m glad you asked.

In this essay I aim to highlight some connections between inhuman characters and the ace community, largely based off of my own experiences and the experiences of others I have read on the internet. This is going to be a niche and personal piece, as sexuality is a unique experience for every individual.

Some of the characters and media I will touch upon include Mettaton from Undertale, the animatronics from the Five Nights at Freddy’s series, Crowley from Good Omens (tv), AM from I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream (radio show), and the dolls from the Barbie movie.

(*gentle CW for a bit of a vent about personal experiences in paragraph 6- after the FNAF bit. As much as I’d like to have a professional analysis style, this is an art piece)

Asexuality is a difficult topic due to its complicated and varying nature. Identifying as asexual does not mean one straightforward thing, and it can be hard to explain what it means without being too narrow in the definition. So, to briefly explain for anyone who does not know: to be asexual generally means a person does not experience sexual attraction towards others. There are people who identify as being under the ace umbrella who do experience some sort of limited or condition-dependant sexual attraction. An ace person can experience romantic attraction, or maybe they don’t, and are aromantic as well as ace (research the Split Attraction Model for more detail. Aromanticism and asexuality can overlap in many areas, but I will be focusing on asexuality). An asexual person may have sex with others for various reasons, or they may not. Libido and sexual attraction are separate entities.

Now that we have a basic understanding of asexuality, let me get into the fun part, character analysis!

I will start with Mettaton. Mettaton is a hugely popular character in the trans community due to his backstory being an obvious allegory for transitioning. Hundreds of people have written about it better than I ever could, and so I will not waste my time trying to add something new to the discussion. My take on his hypothetical sexuality is what I think sets my views apart. Now, I adore all interpretations of this character, the delightful thing about headcanons is that as many versions of a character as you want can exist simultaneously. Due to his flirty personality, Mettaton is very commonly sexualized (and we do! Wholeheartedly! /ref). But in order to make everything about me, I take it upon myself to headcanon his robotic existence as a metaphor for asexuality. Think about it, a character who so desperately wanted to become something more, to take a form that will make him more relatable and palatable to the masses. The possibilities for gender/ sexuality headcanons are endless. To get more literal, he is a robot. And robots do not generally contain the hardware required for human procreation, you know? So his attitude can be seen as an overcompensation for that void, the lack of true understanding of human sexuality. Or rather, an attempt to cover the unavoidable truth that he will never be truly human. Avoiding alienation is a task many ace people perform in their daily lives, as it is frowned upon by some to be uncomfortable with sex, as the topic of discussion or jokes, not to mention the issues it raises in potential romantic relationships. Sometimes ace people will take part in uncomfortable conversations, or even perform sexual actions they don’t want to, simply to fit in. For example, many of us have a history of making up crushes to relate to our peers at school, rather than admit we didn’t feel that way about anyone. The fear of being unable to relate is an ever present and strong one.

Another example of robots representing asexuality is FNAF. This stems mainly from the many amazing fan works that have come from this fandom, giving the animatronics distinct personalities seperate from the canon possession from the games. As much as I adore the messy franchise, I am partial to the idea of sentient robots, rather than haunted. It is a fascinating idea, the animatronics having artificial intelligence so advanced that they are self aware, they know that they were used in the missing child incidents but were powerless to stop anything. The few canon instances of sentient AI that I cling to come from Security Breach, once is when Freddy is brought into a room with spare endoskeletons he has a moment of panic where he questions his creation and the nature of his existence. The other is when Gregory asks Freddy why he is helping him rather than hunting him like the other bots, and Freddy struggles to answer. The other robots are his friends, and yet they are monsters. My heart aches for him in those brief moments, his touchingly human feelings are distinct from our own because of their roots in artificiality. A sort of isolation, as asexuality can be. Knowing there is something slightly off about yourself, a barrier that prevents you from fully understanding others.

You can come to feel like a monster, when you’ve tried so hard yet failed to feel the way you’re supposed to in a relationship. When you end up hurting the person you were supposed to love, because you’re not the person you thought you could be. You go through the motions, hoping that something changes, maybe once you get comfortable things will click and you’ll be normal.

The realization that those feelings are not going to happen is sickening. You’ve strung them along, wasted their time trying to fix a broken machine. And the worst part is that underneath it all you knew. You knew it was never going to work, and you selfishly tried it anyways. Even more selfishly, you know in your heart that their injury is not what is causing the pain gripping your chest. It’s the cold weight of your darkest fear coming true. You are broken. You’re incomplete. Unforgivable…

Which brings me to my next character. The demon Crowley from the Good Omens TV series. While he is not a robot, Crowley is certainly not human. And despite living on earth for thousands of years, as an immortal being he struggles to totally understand human existence, the power of free will. His experience with free will is that it turns you into a monster. “I won’t be forgiven. Not ever. It’s in the demon job description. Unforgivable, that’s what I am”. It applies to all queer people, because it really is just… part of our job description. There will always be people who see something wrong with you. Crowley’s relationship with Aziraphale drives the point home even harder. Aziraphale, as Crowley’s closest companion, cannot understand him either. The line between them, Aziraphale believing in the existence of a ‘right’ side, while Crowley knows there is no such thing, means he ultimately walks alone. It can be difficult to connect with other asexual people, I have always been the only one in my friend groups. As much as I know I am loved and accepted by my friends, they can’t understand this aspect of me.

I do not have a strong lead in for my next character, but I feel so strongly about them considering the source material is only half an hour long. AM, from I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream, specifically the radio show. This character is a horrifically evil totalitarian AI, created by the very species he despised so much he wiped them from the planet. How exactly could a villain like AM tie into this? Well, I fully believed he was going to be completely cold and unlikeable, up until this one line: “Because in all this wonderful, beautiful, miraculous world, I alone had no BODY, no SENSES, no feelings. Never for me to plunge my hands in cool water on a hot day. Never for me to play Mozart on the ivory keys of a forte piano. Never for ME to MAKE LOVE. I was in hell, looking at heaven. I was machine and you- Were flesh.” This says it all, literally. I would highly recommend listening to the radio drama, the written lines don’t do it justice. The wavering in AM’s bitter, hatred-soaked voice struck me right in my core as I went ‘oh’… and all of a sudden he wasn’t quite as much of a tyrannical evil as before. AM has no physical form, and that is the cause of his endless suffering. More than anything, he wants to be the very thing he hates so much. Human. To experience corporeal existence in all its limited glory. As heavy handed as it sounds, yes, this really hits hard as an ace person. The emptiness, once you recognize it, is incredible.

Another form of the no-body/ no genitals thing we have going on with AM and the robots comes from the Barbie movie. They flat out state that the dolls have no genitalia. Again, I will admit that is a heavy handed way to present an ace allegory, especially considering the nuance that goes into ace identities, remember that it’s not all about the act of sex. But the thing about art is that it doesn’t have to be taken literally. A lack of genitals can be more of a metaphor for lacking what they represent. I also want to draw from the music in this movie. ‘I’m Just Ken’ sung by Ryan Gosling, as silly and fun as it is, contains the line “I want to know what it’s like to love, to be the real thing” which is surprisingly impactful. Coming from an inhuman character, wanting to experience the real thing.. I fear I’m getting a little repetitive here as I try to come up with unique ways to drive my points home. Barbie and Ken each struggle with their existence, and wanting to be more than they are. The song ‘What Was I Made For?’ by Billie Eilish Is another really good piece of this movie. Ace people often have the titular question on their mind. Without attraction driving us to procreate, what is the purpose of our lives? Obviously it is ridiculous to reduce humanity down to that in this day and age, but it is subtly ingrained into society so much so that it can be shocking to family members and friends when an individual is not looking to start a family. There is also a common misconception that sex/love are what define us as human. We are so much more than that.

Now that I mention music, I have a small selection of songs that encompass some of the feelings I am trying to convey, sticking to the theme of asexuality and otherness with the robotic/inhuman metaphor as best I can.

‘A Human’s Touch’ by TWRP is the first song on my list. I have seen this song used by many of the fandoms I have referenced above, which really fuels the personal connection here. The song is, a lament of technology past that doubles as a metaphor for a broken relationship. Things we used to adore but no longer have a use for, yearning for someone to pick them back up and make them useable again. From an ace perspective, the notion of being replaced or discarded when a newer, better version shows up is all too real. Sometimes ace people are treated by allosexual people as a last resort, or a placeholder until the other person finds someone more compatible, more willing to do or able to feel the things ‘normal’ people should. “Am I just a toy to you, my love?” Is a question I have asked myself when someone I used to know would come back to me whenever their ‘real’ relationships ended badly.

Steam Powered Giraffe is a really cool band, I love that almost every song is about being a robot. “Brass Goggles” was the song that put me onto them. There’s a lot going on in this song, but there are some really hard lines lamenting robotic life. “Will I ever be something with feelings to hide? Or am I just a boiler with nothing inside?” Wondering why they are alive, what constitutes being alive and human. I think I’ve said as much as I can say about the connection between robots wondering why they exist and can’t feel what a human does, and an ace person wondering why they can’t feel what others do, and why they were born that way.

‘Cabinet Man’ by Lemon Demon is such a cool song for the robotic metaphor. It is about a person who is somehow reanimated as an arcade machine, and is no longer quite human. In particular I like this line- about having people come from all over to see and to play this machine- “this must be what love would have felt like”. It can weigh on you sometimes, thinking that maybe something else is the closest you will ever get to ‘true’ love. Maybe you can’t feel what the humans feel, but isn’t it nice to know that maybe this is what it would have been like…

‘Fake Plastic Trees’ by Radiohead is a little more abstract, as is classic Radiohead fashion. But the general theme is the fakeness of society. To me, this resonates with the way society imposes itself upon asexual people. A culture steeped in sex, where everything is catered towards allosexual people. Simply put,“It wears me out”. Another notable line “she looks like the real thing, she tastes like the real thing, my fake plastic love” I see as coming from the partner of an ace person, resigned to loving a shallow imitation of a human. It’s how I fear I will be seen by a partner, not quite the real thing, but close enough for now.

Now to end on a lighter note, I do love being ace. As much as it can be difficult to navigate the world as an under-acknowledged queer identity, it is beautiful. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. We are an integral piece of the infinite variety that comes from humans. If you are ace, I love you. If you can relate to my experiences, we’re gonna figure it all out someday, I promise.

So, in summary, I really enjoy an inhuman character’s inability to totally grasp humanity as an allegory for queerness, asexuality in particular. If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading!

[sleepwrites]

Hi I was wondering if you could do macaque, swk, and syntax with an autistic transmasc reader

Sorry I don’t do syntax, but I did the others! There weren’t many details given so… I did my best lol

Sorry if its short! And since it wasn’t specified I’ll be writing this as platonic.

Macaque and SWK x autistic!transmasc!reader

Warning: I am not autistic nor trans so if I get something wrong please let me know and I will correct it!

I’m glad you exist.

Sun Wukong

He’s literally your best friend.

He makes a bunch of stim toys for you with his hair.

While your transitioning he helps you out a lot. Especially for top surgery.

He even offers to do it himself lol.

He comforts you as best as he can if you get overstimulated but doesn’t get it very much.

He’s immortal! And ultra powerful why would he? But he’s your bestie and will comfort you

Body dysphoria? No problem Peaches! He’ll help ya through it.

Does this cute lil thing where he pats your head with his tail.

Macaque

Also ur new bestie.

A lot more discreet in how he helps you out

Just like he is a lot more discreet when he grounds you.

His tail goes around your waist, or his hand goes on your shoulder or something.

He also helps out with your transition

Someone uses your dead name? Oh no, they went missing the other day

He gets being overstimulated once in a while as well. (It gets too loud for him sometimes) so he gets it