#i barely have the energy for this rn but I wanted to start this project

[bratzfag]

Big things happening

[starlightkun]

⇢ word count: 13.5k ⇢ warnings: past unethical experimentation, you have to accept the premise of a single human empire in space in the future with colonies and a military and not think deeper about that, multiple needle/injection mentions, main characters are morally gray, and oh yeah cursing ⇢ genre: sci-fi, set in the near-ish future, humans and aliens and robots, black op mission, captain kun, ?????? reader, slow burn, fluff, dash of angst, ft. wayv as the crew of the vision ⇢ extra info: took a lot of obvious inspo for this one from isaac asimov’s robot stories, specifically his concept of positronic brains & the three laws of robotics (and if you’ve read any of his stories, you’ll probably be able to see some other places too) ⇢ author's note: holy shit, this is finally it. the last part. THE last part. im literally vibrating rn y’all, im so excited for you to read this one, i hope you’ve been enjoying this fic im so so proud of it and love it so much ⇢ series masterlist | prev.

You looked down at his hand, then back up at him. “Do you want whatever a robot’s love is?”

“Here’s the engine room,” Ten announced, pushing open a door. Inside were multitudes of pipes, tubes, and wires. On your tour with Kun, he had only pointed out the door to you, not taken you inside.

You looked around with interest, following the pilot further in. He was walking towards a large cylinder set lower than the floor, about the same height as him. Thin bands of white light wrapped around the body of it, stopping where it tapered into a blunt end. Ten stepped down into the inset, now a head shorter than the cylinder, and jerked his head for you to follow.

You dropped down as well, looking up at the contraption.

“This is the slipdrive,” he gestured to it grandly. “Brand new.”

“It’s smaller than the second gen,” you observed immediately, looking around the engine room. “The dimensions of the prior model would be… twice as large?”

“Correct.”

“The Vision was built before the new slipdrive, it’s meant to use the prior model, which has a completely different energy signature. How are they compatible?”

“You’re fun,” he declared with a grin, resting a hand on the side. But the explanation he seemed about to launch into stopped short, as the smile fell from his face and turned baffled. “Well that’s not right.”

“What?”

“ZEN?” Ten called out for the AI. “There isn’t something wrong with the slipdrive, is there? You’d tell us.”

“Of course, Sergeant,” ZEN’s voice confirmed, though his avatar didn’t appear. You figured he might not have a terminal to project himself from down here.

“So it’s just… idling?”

“Yes, Sergeant.”

“Why’d you turn it on idle?”

“Captain Qian’s order.”

“Should’ve figured. Thanks, man.” Ten just looked even more troubled.

“What’s wrong?” You asked.

“Captain apparently ordered ZEN to suspend us in slipspace…” He crossed his arms thoughtfully. “I’m assuming you know the difference between turning off a slipdrive and idling one?”

“Turning off a slipdrive drops the ship out of slipspace. Idling it suspends it in slipspace.”

“It’s not exactly putting it in park. The longer we’re in slipspace, the more the slipdrive and the ship’s systems have to work to hold its position outside time and space. Not an ideal position to be in for a protracted amount of time.”

You gulped, following after Ten as he started towards the door. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to ask the captain why he suspended us in slipspace,” he said simply.

Ten seemed to barely register you accompanying him to Kun’s office, or at least didn’t mind if he did notice. The door was open when the two of you got there, and Ten knocked as he walked in.

Kun looked up from where he had been staring rather listlessly at his desk reader displaying some report. He dismissed the document as he went to give his greetings, “Ah, Ten, Y/N. How can I help you?”

“We were just down in the engine room, Captain,” Ten started. “I was showing Y/N the new slipdrive, when I noticed that it uh, it wasn’t set to propulsion.”

“Yes, I’m aware.”

“Why did you suspend us in slipspace, Captain?” His words, despite their bluntness, held no hostility or malice, they clearly weren’t accusatory or suspicious, just curious, inquisitive.

The captain sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. You chewed on the inside of your cheek nervously. After far too long of a pause to be comfortable, he replied, “There is… a matter that needs to be resolved before we arrive at UHN Main. Do you trust that you do not need to know anything further at this time?”

“How long will it take to resolve?”

“I don’t know, unfortunately.”

“Just making sure we’re all on the same page about the slipdrive idling.”

“It’s brand new, and the newest model. Not to mention ZEN is monitoring all the systems. If an immediate danger becomes present, I will obviously reevaluate.”

Ten seemed satisfied. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do, yeah?”

“Thank you, Ten.”

“Alright, Y/N, have you seen the armory? I bet you could trick out a blaster like you did the coffee machine.”

Before he could take you back out of the captain’s office, however, Kun cleared his throat. “I wanted to have a word with Y/N, actually.”

“Gag, okay.” Ten headed for the door alone. “I’ll find a manual for the blasters, Y/N. Find me when you’re done. Bye!”

And then it was just you and Kun. And ZEN, presumably.

You turned to Kun, fidgeting with your fingers. “I didn’t say anything about you suspending the slipdrive, Kun. He was showing me the engine room because he knew I had read about the new slipdrive model, and he noticed it was idling all on his own. ZEN told him you suspended the ship.”

“I’m not angry, Y/N,” Kun reassured you gently. “Apparently Liu has been doing some thinking, about the headache you got yesterday.”

“…Right.”

“He wants to take another look at your head, to see if he can figure out what was causing the pain. And ideally, disable it.”

The mention of a painful headache made you shift your weight from foot to foot. Somewhere, in the back of your mind, you knew what he was talking about, but it felt like it happened to someone else, not like your own memory.

“Okay, sure,” you agreed.

In Yangyang’s lab again, he had you lay down on one of the cool metal counters this time, and you felt startlingly like an autopsy cadaver as you stared up at the sterile white light above.

“Well?” Yangyang prompted the captain pointedly, holding his hand out palm-out.

“Well what?” Kun snorted, crossing his arms over his chest.

“My positronic Allen key that you stole yesterday. I need it back now.”

“I don’t have it.”

“Don’t tell me you destroyed it in some noble, romantic gesture, or so help me, Captain—”

“I have it, Yangyang,” you interrupted, digging into your pocket to bring it out. You offered it out to the roboticist. “Here.”

“Ah, thank you, Y/N,” he beamed, accepting the coin into his hand. “Now, unlike last time, I’ll be putting you into repair stasis. You’ll lose muscle tension, kind of like when you’re asleep, except you’ll be awake. Hence why you’re laying down. That’s so if I were to test out anything that caused unexpected movement, you wouldn’t injure yourself or break anything. But I won’t be messing with any of that, promise. I’m just going to be looking around at how your head’s constructed.”

“Like… opening my head?”

“I don’t think yours does that.” He shook his head with what looked like a nearly disappointed frown. “I’m no human doctor, but from what I remember of your x-ray, I’m pretty sure your positronic brain is encased in mostly human stuff. At least, stuff that doesn’t look like metal on an x-ray. Bone, skin, who knows? I’ll be doing live imaging with some robotics tools this time to try to look at what’s inside.”

“Got it…”

When he held the Allen key up to your head this time, the side that faced you had a glowing pentagon in the center rather than a triangle. Yangyang talked as he slowly slid it around your forehead and temple, “The receiver to turn on repair stasis is usually around the same area as diagnostic stasis, but not always.”

“Holy shit…” Liu breathed out as he moved the sensor over your forehead, continuing to develop the image on the small handheld screen in his other hand.

Captain Qian tensed. “What? What’s going on?”

“I was kind of right. Y/N’s head wasn’t exploding so much as ripping itself apart from the inside.” The roboticist squinted at the parallel, jointed strips of metal at strategic points around your positronic brain casing. If they were to expand, which it definitely looked like they were meant to do, they would not only rip the casing apart, allowing the organic, wet human fluids like blood into the carefully aligned positronic brain, but fracture and break your skull from the inside out.

“Well fix whatever did that!” The captain snapped.

“I can’t.”

“What kind of roboticist are you?”

“A fucking good one,” the lieutenant shot back, the tension in the room finally getting to him as he bit back at his superior. “Because I can tell that nothing is faulty, Captain. It’s a failsafe. If certain parameters are met, the failsafe is triggered, and her entire positronic brain is permanently destroyed.”

He sighed, looking over the mechanics again. They were almost too familiar to him, rudimentary, but effective. They were widely considered cruel to use on robots nowadays. His roboethics professor was the first vocal opponent of such failsafes, especially when the topic of sentient robots was brought up. A human ordering a robot to destroy itself was one thing, a direct order, a choice, a decision. But installing failsafes for a robot to destroy itself, entirely unaware of what was happening to it was different. You weren’t even just a robot, you were… something else. A person, regardless of what percentage of you was organic matter.

“I doubt she’s doing it consciously,” Liu added, as if that made it any better.

“But you said someone either took all her data or destroyed it already, then ordered her to forget everything! What the fuck would this failsafe even do?” The captain was still demanding answers, insisting on reason, on anything less than the brutal reality in front of them.

“Presumably destroy the last thing left from whatever shady thing was happening down there.” Liu nodded to you, laying limp on the counter, eyes closed, almost looking peaceful, if one could imagine that you were sleeping.

“I hate to ask… but why keep her like this in the first place? Why not just destroy her when they abandoned Aegeum? Why do all this to her and not just trigger the failsafe? It’s just… cruel,” Captain Qian said, his voice hoarse. The lieutenant didn’t need to look at him to know that he was staring at you. They both were.

“I wish I knew, Captain. I wish I could tell you anything.”

“It registers as pain for her?”

“She remembers being human a lot better than she remembers being a robot, those might be the only words she has for it,” Liu offered up an explanation, then another, “I also haven’t seen a model exactly like her… I don’t know how much of her is organic. She could have nerves, pain receptors. If she says it hurts, then I believe her as much as if you told me you got a boo-boo.”

“Is there any way you can take the failsafe out? Or deactivate it at least?” The captain asked, voice near pleading now.

Liu turned away from you to shoot the captain a look, retorting, “Without accidentally triggering it or turning her into a positronic vegetable in the process? Fuck no.”

“That’s what I was afraid of.”

“God, what the hell went on down there?”

“The more I learn, the less I think I want to know.”

“You’re going to have to tell the rest of the crew. You know that, right?” The roboticist said bluntly, leaning his elbows forward on his knees to look the captain in the eyes.

Captain Qian ran a hand through his hair, sighing. “I know…”

“I won’t blab. This is between you and Y/N. We all trust you to tell us what we need to know when we need to know it. But I think they need to know this for Y/N’s sake.”

“Yeah, I know. Don’t want them accidentally triggering the failsafe or ordering her to do something.”

“Or another flying knife incident.”

“Fuck, that too…” He swore, looking up to the ceiling as he tried not to imagine your head randomly exploding at mess one morning. The captain focused back on his crewmate. “Are you about done with her like this?”

Liu stood up, setting the positronic Allen key onto the countertop next to your head. “Yep.”

“See you at mess, Liu.” The captain nodded to him as the roboticist moved to leave, closing the door behind him.

The captain picked up the Allen Key, gently lifting and turning your head to be able to access the base of your skull. He slid the key into place as he’d seen Liu do twice now, pressing the side with the pentagon to your skin until the coin buzzed twice against his fingertips. Setting the key aside, he delicately placed your head back down.

This time, you could tell that time had passed. Kun was standing above you, in the process of letting your head go, so tenderly, and you didn’t quite remember him grabbing it, but you didn’t not remember him grabbing it. You blinked slowly, eyes following him as he stepped back politely.

“Y/N?” He said your name quietly, holding your gaze. “You with me?”

“Yeah, Kun,” you replied, slowly sitting up. “I’m here…”

“How much of that were you actually hearing?”

“All my systems were operative but not talking to each other. I could hear you guys, but I wasn’t actually processing what you were saying.”

“Sounds like Wong in our briefings,” Kun joked dryly, and you let out a half-hearted chuckle. When tense silence fell over the two of you, he cleared his throat and continued, “Anyway, Liu thinks we have to be careful with our words when discussing certain things about your amnesia or Aegeum, and that the headache is a failsafe is to keep us from prying too far.”

You tried to argue, “I can deal with a headache if it helps—”

“Y/N, it’s not just a bad migraine. It’s a self-destruct button. And pushing it wouldn’t help us at all.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. So we’re going to leave it alone, alright?”

“No picking at the scab.”

The corner of his lip twitched. “Exactly.”

“I-I think I’d like to go back to our room,” you said weakly.

“I’ll go with you.”

When you woke up from your midday nap, you weren’t expecting Kun to still be in the room, honestly. But there he was, sat at the desk with the paperback book from Aegeum, having turned the chair around to face the bed. As you stirred, he dog-eared his page and set the book aside. You yawned and sat up, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes for the second time that day.

He stood up and moved to sit on the edge of the mattress, offering you a tentative smile. “Hey.”

“Hey…” You echoed hesitantly.

Kun inhaled through his nose, then exhaled through his mouth before drawing his eyes up to meet yours and setting his shoulders. “Whatever kind of impulses and signals fire in me that my brain interprets as love, I don’t question those. If the best word you have for what’s going in you is love, it’s not my place to question that either. I’m not the gatekeeper of the word.”

You held his gaze steadily. “Do you think I only love you because of the First Law?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted.

“Can you live with yourself not knowing?”

“I don’t know.”

“I’m sure this has been a lot for you too, I won’t push you for an answer right now,” you said quietly, slinging your feet over the side of the bed to stand up.

As you made your first step towards the door, hand outstretched to grab the handle, Kun spoke up, “I…”

You stopped, your hand falling back down to your side as you turned back to look at him curiously. “What is it?”

“Never mind.” He rushed to shake his head.

“You were going to ask something, weren’t you?”

“It’s okay. You were going.”

“You can ask. I know the difference between question that I can say no to, and an order.”

He still hesitated.

“You’ve seen me say no, haven’t you? Even to you, when there was no danger. Think.”

Kun finally nodded. “You’re right.”

“So?”

“I want— Could you… Would you mind… staying, for a little bit? You don’t have to… you can sit over on the other bed, or at the desk, or leave, or whatever you want, but…”

“I want to be around you too, Kun,” you said the words that you knew he couldn’t bring himself to for fear of it being too forceful, sitting back down next to him, closer than before. “Even if… you don’t know what to do about it.”

He swallowed thickly, and you saw his jaw tighten. You held your hand out for him, watching as he slowly put his on top.

You woke up first in the morning. From where your head rested on your pillow, you could see Kun’s own sleeping form in the bottom bunk of the other bed. Yesterday had been a bittersweet time: he told you about the book he was reading, you shared what you’d learned about the latest subject you’d been perusing, you gave him his injections, and the two of you had been unable to leave each other. Until it was time to go to sleep, and then Kun wordlessly got under the sheets on the other side of the room.

Slipping out of your cabin, you started down the halls of the ship. You had no particular destination in mind, thinking that maybe you’d go to the observation deck before eventually meandering over to the kitchen for mess, but more-so wanting to stretch your legs and let your mind ruminate. Your positronic mind. Even that thought alone was something you were still turning over.

As you passed by the robotics lab, however, you weren’t expecting to see light coming from under the door. Stopping, you gently turned the handle and pushed it open, finding it unlocked. Yangyang—or who you assumed to be Yangyang, as their face was completely covered by a welding mask—was at one of the workstations, welding something together as sparks flew up around his hands, and you squinted, covering your eyes against the brightness.

“Hey, Yangyang,” you announced your presence.

He perked up towards the sound of your voice, and waved his hand that was holding the robot piece in it. “Oh, hey, Y/N.”

“Are you busy?”

“Does it look like I am?” He gestured to the materials in front of him.

You looked over the countertops that seemed more cluttered than normal, welding tools that he was actively using, and robot part that was still in his hand. “I mean, yeah, kind of.”

“Nah, come in.” He waved you in, setting his tools and project down as you stepped further in. Still aware of how early it was in the morning, you shut the door behind you. The roboticist took his welding mask off, putting that aside and mussing his hair up with his fingers. “I really am sorry about the other day, by the way. Giving you an order.”

“Oh, that’s not why I’m here.”

“I didn’t think it was, but I still wanted to apologize. I needed to do it, but it was still a shitty thing. So I’m sorry. I’d do it again, to save your life, but I’ll apologize after every time.”

You tilted your head curiously. “Then what’s the point of apologizing?”

“Because you deserve one,” he said sincerely, firmly.

“Well, thanks. For saving me, and apologizing, I guess.”

“So, what do you need?” He changed his tone, throwing on a bright smile.

You took a deep breath, pulling up another stool to sit across the counter from him. “Do you think I can love?”

“From a robotics standpoint, I don’t know enough about how you’re constructed to be able to say much about what you can do.” He leaned back in his chair, putting his feet up on the tabletop, lacing his fingers together over his stomach. “But that doesn’t matter. Ever since humans invented the idea of love, we’ve been debating about if it’s real, what it is, trying to study it, sell it, whatever.”

“Sounds like you don’t think it’s real.”

“Sure it is. As real as any abstract, undefinable concept is,” he shrugged. “Humans like to think they’re special. It was only in recent human history that we even learned that we weren’t the only intelligent species in the universe. And even then, there were some people who said that surely what sets us apart from them is that humans are the only species capable of love. And when we finally got translators proficient enough and could talk to them and we found out that they had the concept of love too, then it became that humans are the only ones capable of real love. Whatever that is.”

“The other species might’ve been thinking that about humans, too.”

“True.” He tapped his thumbs together thoughtfully, then continued, “My old roboethics prof, he used to say something: There’s no true metalman.”

“What does it mean?” You asked curiously.

“It’s a play on ‘no true Scotsman,’ which is a logical fallacy. The fallacy itself is kind of irrelevant. But it means there’s no such thing as a pure robot, free of human influence. That no matter how hard a roboticist may try, they’ll unintentionally leave some trace of themselves in whatever they create. There is always some human choice to be made at some point in the process. Some cases are more obvious than others, like early robots that had more limited built-in vocabularies talking like their creators, or a roboticist making seemingly arbitrary aesthetic decisions for a robot’s head features then his buddy walks in and jokes that it kind of looks like the first guy’s ex-wife.”

You blinked. “Did that really happen?”

“It’s an ‘everyone knows a guy who worked with a guy who…’ kind of thing,” he explained. “Anyway, my point is that I don’t think it’s so hard to imagine that a species so obsessed with love might, intentionally or not, make something that loves too.”

You pulled your bottom lip in between your teeth, thinking about the difference in Kun from before and after you went into repair stasis. “Is that what you told Kun?”

“What?” Yangyang’s confusion seemed genuine.

“I don’t know, I figured he would’ve talked to you about it,” you mumbled, looking down at your hands.

“No, he hasn’t.” After a moment, he added, “For what it’s worth, I think if he was to be taking my word about if you can love over yours… that wouldn’t be a great sign?”

You let out a choked laugh. “What does it mean that I’m asking you that then?”

“You’re someone who knew so little about yourself in the first place and now feels like you’ve had all that turned on its head. You’re doing what you’ve always done: Asking questions. I think that’s perfectly fair.”

“You don’t think I’ve completely lost what little sense of self I had?”

“I think you might feel like that—I can’t read your mind—but this doesn’t make the Y/N we got to know on Aegeum a figment of our imagination. You weren’t pretending to be our friend.”

“You don’t think that was the First Law?”

“The flying knife and the ceiling, definitely First Law behavior,” he conceded. “But I’ve met some rude, unhelpful robots before, trust me.”

“When did you know?” You asked. “That I wasn’t completely human?”

“I suspected something from when they found you untouched with no memories. I thought you were an android with a busted memory core. But then you bled.”

“I thought androids didn’t exist.”

“They don’t, but it’s the best I could come up with. No way was I expecting that they had actually developed a functioning humanoid before the first android.”

“Maybe they did but they didn’t survive.”

“Oh, you see, now that’s sad,” Yangyang clicked his tongue and shook his head. “Don’t make me think about that.”

“Sorry,” you chuckled a little, then went to change the topic. “So what were you working on?”

As Yangyang began explaining the personal project he had been tinkering with when you walked in, you let your seemingly ever-present problems fade into the background, eagerly listening to his enthusiastic words.

After breakfast, you took an extra plate of food to Kun’s office, knocking firmly on the closed door. When ZEN had called him for mess earlier, the AI reported back that he didn’t want to be disturbed, and the other six of you were to eat without him.

“Come in,” he voiced from within.

You entered, spotting him at the desk, hunched over reports with his head in his hand. “You missed breakfast.”

“Sorry, I… thinking.”

“About?” You asked, setting his food on the only empty space left on his desk.

“Thanks,” he took the food, moving some of his papers aside to put the plate front and center. “The Skippers that were on Aegeum, we still don’t know why they were there.”

“No, we don’t. Or why they were flying Fishead pods instead of their own ships.”

“I was just re-reading this report from the Admiral from before we entered slipspace. List of attacks by Fishead pirates, but there’s something off about a couple of them. The targets are all UHN scientific sites, not military vessels or trade outposts, and nothing was pillaged. Just destroyed.”

You tilted your head thoughtfully. “Were any K’llor spotted at the attacks, or only their ships?”

“It looks like they were just aerial attacks, cannon blasts. So, it would seem like a no.”

“If we assume those weren’t K’llor pirates driving those pods, and were actually more Skippers looking to destroy rather than plunder…”

“Two’s a coincidence, three’s a pattern.”

You sat in one of the chairs across his desk from him. “Were the facilities bigger or smaller than Aegeum?”

“Sites, not facilities,” Kun corrected you. “They weren���t even buildings. One was an unmanned space station in orbit around a meteor. It was ran entirely by robots, so it had no defenses. The other was a solar farm installed on a colony planet. They left the city it was powering alone.”

“So… no fatalities?”

“None. The city that lost their solar farm is running on back-up generators until the solar farm gets fixed.”

“If they were all Skippers, and they were all together, then what the hell happened on Aegeum?”

“They may not be in the same faction. Or they may have been at some point, then diverged only recently because of… differing ideals.”

“Still makes you wonder how they ended up at Aegeum in the first place…” You mused. “Doesn’t seem like a place you could really stumble upon accidentally.”

“No, not particularly.” Kun shook his head. After a beat of silence of him pushing food around on his plate and you silently mulling over what you had just been talking about, he changed the subject, “You got up early this morning.”

“Yeah, I was thinking, too.”

“…About?”

You shifted forward in your chair, resting your elbows on the desk in front of you and folding your arms together. “I understand that you’re worried about my having a lack of… choice in the matter, when it comes to this. And I can appreciate the sentiment, Kun, and where that concern stems from. But don’t you think, that in unilaterally ending our relationship supposedly for my own good, that also takes away my agency? The thing that you’re so worried about me keeping through all of this?”

Kun’s fork stilled over his food, and he swallowed as he held your gaze steadily. He slowly nodded, the weight of your words clearly resting heavily in the creases of his forehead. “I-I didn’t think of it like that. I’m sorry.”

“Do you trust me to make my own decisions? Even about this? Or do you really just think of me as a mindless, obedient robot?”

“No, I don’t think of you like that. God, Y/N, of course I don’t,” he denied, his voice troubled.

“Then you have to trust me to make decisions about us, too. You can’t just make them for me.”

“I…” He opened and closed his mouth, momentarily at a loss for words. “Can I digest this? Think, before we keep talking?”

“Of course,” you agreed, well aware of the gravity of your questions. Hopefully, your next ask would be lower impact, “Yangyang asked me to stop by the shop after breakfast, I’d like you to come with me, if you can.”

Kun gave you a small smile. “Nowhere else I’d rather be.”

“No, she’s not something for you to experiment on,” Kun rejected Yangyang’s idea as soon as he had started pitching it, his voice biting.

“She’s all we have left of what they were doing,” Yangyang replied, gesturing to you zealously.

The captain stepped in between you and Yangyang, his fists clenched down by his sides. “Exactly. Don’t you think Y/N’s had enough people studying her? You’re not going to put her under your microscope next.”

You looked at your friend from around Kun, shaking your head for him to drop it for now. Yangyang held his hands up and started backing away towards the door of the lab. “I’m going to grab a juice…”

Kun watched him leave, his chest heaving with deep breaths.

“Kun… what’s wrong?” You asked calmly.

“What?” He looked back at you.

“You’re shaking.” You gently picked up one of his trembling hands.

“I’m angry,” he answered shortly. “Why aren’t you?”

“He’s trying to help.”

“Did you see his face? Liu’s just found a new toy. You’re not just some… specimen to be studied.”

“This is his field of study, he’s allowed some interest, I think. And I don’t think that’s all he thinks of me.” You watched as Kun started pacing, running a hand through his hair, visibly agitated. “You’re thinking about your program, aren’t you?”

He sighed bitterly. “We weren’t people to him. Especially not the discards.”

“That makes me angry.” Your blood simmered just hearing him talk about himself like that, so casually, as if it were an objective truth. “You’re not… disposable, Kun. You hold your crew together, and I… treasure you.”

“God…” Kun looked up at the ceiling again, and it was then that you saw tears forming at the corners of his eyes as they reflected the lights above him.

“Yangyang is not Dr. Yoon,” you said firmly.

He stopped his pacing, hung his head, then nodded. “No, he’s not. He’s a good kid.”

“Exactly.”

“Y/N…” He said your name weakly, desperately, looking up from his feet to your face. You saw the tear tracks on his cheeks.

“Yes?”

“It’s true, that you were created by Dr. Yoon. I wasn’t letting myself think about that earlier. But I don’t hate you.” He didn’t falter in his words in the slightest, determined, resolute, his mind made up. “You are probably the only good thing that has come out of that man’s existence.”

“I might’ve done awful things, back at the lab,” you said, warning him.

“Yeah…” He shrugged one shoulder almost sheepishly. “And I work for the head of Intelligence at the UHN, right now. Do you think my hands are clean?”

“I’ve never thought they are.”

“You’ve always been able to just see me. I’m sorry I was refusing to see you before, but I’m looking now, I promise.”

“Can you live with yourself? Not ever knowing… if it’s the First Law?”

“Roboethicists and robopsychologists can talk themselves to death on that, I don’t care. You were right. I wasn’t giving you any sort of autonomy by making a decision like this for you. So…” He inhaled softly, but in the dead quiet of the room, you could hear every rustle of fabric, every breath, every step he took closer to you. Kun held a hand out towards you. “I can’t offer you anything close to a normal life. Or really anything at all. Other than me.”

“That’s all I can give, too. Myself. You can accept that I am in love with you, whatever that means to me, just as I accept that you love me, however that reality presents itself to you. But…” You looked down at his hand, then back up at him. “Do you want whatever a robot’s love is?”

“You are more than enough, Y/N,” he pleaded.

You took his hand. “So are you.”

“All of you, how you were made, what you very well could have done, what you are… You are more than enough,” he repeated like a prayer, pulling you in closer at the same time that he stepped forward and wrapped his other arm around you, as if he hadn’t seen you in several lifetimes, holding you to him with a crushing strength that you hadn’t experienced from him before. You hugged him back as tight as you could, so he knew it was real, that you were real, and that you were here.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, pressing his lips to your cheek. “I’m sorry—”

“No, Kun,” you hushed him. “We both needed time. It’s okay. Thank you, for trying to do what you thought was best for me.”

“Are you sure about this? What Liu wants to do?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” You pulled back from Kun’s embrace to look him in the eye. “I’m the proof. I was built there, and if we want to know what they were doing, we have to study me. I wouldn’t trust anybody more than you guys to do it.”

He cradled your cheek. “You’ll tell us as soon as your head hurts? You cannot push through the failsafe, Y/N.”

“I will, I promise,” you agreed, wiping at the drying tears on his cheeks. “I like my head in one piece.”

He stroked his thumb over your skin gently. “Yeah, me too.”

“Alright, ZEN,” you called out to the AI. “Can you get Yangyang back here?”

“Lieutenant Liu has been loitering outside the entrance for the past two minutes,” ZEN informed you.

“Of course,” Kun sighed, stepping away and turning towards the door. “Liu!”

Yangyang traipsed in, a nondescript juicebox in his hand. “Reporting for duty, Captain.”

“Explain your idea again, please.”

“Right, so, every robot’s positronic brain has a unique imprinting of positronic pathways,” the roboticist started. “New copies of the same model that are fresh off the assembly line might be nearly identical to begin with, but as they’re exposed to new stimuli, learn new things beyond their base impressions, those pathways will diverge and change.”

“So kind of like a fingerprint?” Kun asked.

“If your fingerprint changed after you learned trig for the first time, sure.”

“You want to look at the pathways in my brain closer,” you said. “Will you be able to figure out what I was imprinted with and what has been… divergence?”

“That’ll be a little bit of trial and error,” Yangyang replied regretfully. “I mean, I can assume that you were imprinted with knowledge of Outspacer, and obviously you’ve had to learn who we are… and using your brain’s positronic flows from those, I can start building a functional image of your pathways.”

“How will you access her brain?” Kun questioned. “You’re not going to open her skull, surely.”

“No, no,” the other man shook his head. “Y/N, still got that positronic Allen key on you?”

You reached into your pocket for the tool that Kun had returned to you yesterday. “Had a feeling we might be needing this. Diagnostic stasis or repair stasis?”

“Diagnostic. Sorry. But, I’m hoping you have a secondary active diagnostic stasis. If not, doing a functional positronic pathway image will be pretty much impossible, since you won’t be able to respond to any stimuli.”

Kun narrowed his eyes. “What’s the difference between this and the repair stasis, then?”

“Loss of muscle tone and level of awareness.” Yangyang took the tool from you, then grabbed a nearby notebook and pencil. “An active diagnostic stasis will keep you pretty much frozen in place unless you’re executing an order, Y/N. And you’ll be fully conscious. You ready?”

You sat up on the countertop. “Yeah, ready when you are.”

“Woah, wait,” Kun interjected before the positronic Allen key could be brought anywhere near your head. “What sorts of orders will you be giving her?”

“I won’t be giving any,” Yangyang answered defensively. “Just having her react to stimuli. It’ll look like we’re having an interview, kind of. Or a conversation.”

You gestured to one of the stools that was nearby. “Kun…”

He seemed to get the idea, pulling it up closer to your side and sitting down. Yangyang, meanwhile, rolled his stool in front of you, bringing with him his notebook, pencil, and the Allen key.

“I’ll probably have you help me, Captain, if that’s alright with you,” your friend kept talking as he flipped open to a new page, then leaned in towards you with the Allen key. “I’d love to map what the positronic flow of love looks like.”

This time, he found the spot at the base of your skull with precision, lining up the Allen key deftly. Kun watched the movements of his hand closely as he responded, “Just… having a conversation?”

Their voices faded out as your muscles froze up for a moment, then faded back in, before Yangyang drew his hand away from you and sat back in his stool. You still couldn’t move, but you could listen in on their conversation once again.

“…nothing weird, Liu,” Kun finished whatever warning he had been giving.

“Of course not, Captain,” Yangyang grinned, then turned to you. “Hey, Y/N. So you’re in active diagnostic stasis right now. We’re going to get started. Can you tell me your name?”

“Y/N,” you replied automatically.

“Great.” He sketched something onto his notebook, then grabbed a tablet from the counter. After a few taps, he turned it around to show you the screen. “Can you read this for me?”

It only took you a moment to read the Outspacer glyph. “Grain.”

“Cool.” He swiped, then showed you another. “This one?”

“River.”

“This?”

“Emergency communication.”

He set the tablet aside, grinning as he looked back down at his notebook. “Fantastic.” Then, he asked, “What did you have for breakfast today?”

“Oatmeal.”

“Who sat on your left at breakfast?”

“Corporal Wong Kunhang.”

“And who sat directly across from you?”

“Lieutenant Xiao Dejun.”

“Who did you meet first? Corporal Wong or Lieutenant Xiao?”

You were quiet, unable to formulate your response.

“Y/N?” Yangyang said your name. “Do you understand the question?”

“It’s unclear.”

“That’s okay, I’ll rephrase: Who did you encounter first in your life? Corporal Wong or Lieutenant Xiao? Regardless of if you knew their identity at the time.”

“Corporal Wong.”

“And who personally introduced themselves to you first? Corporal Wong or Lieutenant Xiao?”

“Lieutenant Xiao.”

Yangyang nodded, his pencil never stopping once while you were talking. “Great. What’s my name?”

“Lieutenant Liu Yangyang.”

“And where did you meet us? Myself, Corporal Wong, and Lieutenant Xiao.”

“Aegeum.”

“Who are the other members of our unit?”

“Staff Sergeant Ten Lee, Captain Qian Kun, Professor Dong Sicheng, and ZEN.”

“I’m going to have Captain Qian talk to you for a minute now.” Yangyang rolled out of your view.

Kun scooted into your vision, offering you a soft smile as he met your eyes. “Hey, Y/N…”

“She needs a more direct prompt if you want her to respond verbally, Captain. Either a question or an order,” Yangyang said.

“Shut up, Liu,” he responded through gritted teeth. After taking a deep breath, he addressed you gently, “Uhm, do you remember the story I told you about my parents? What my dad built for my mom?”

“A greenhouse, because your mother wanted to grow strawberries, but the climate on Dura-Jil was too cold.”

“Yeah, and—”

“I read about greenhouses.”

That seemed to catch Kun off-guard. “Wait, really? Why? We have ag bubbles.”

“I wanted to understand what love means to you.”

“Because I said when I think about what love is, I think about him building her a greenhouse.” He nodded in understanding.

“It’s an involved process, requiring a lot of thought and planning. Your father must have had to go to great lengths to get many of the materials for it on Dura-Jil.”

“My dad was an architect. I don’t think I’ve told you that, have I?”

“No.”

“That’s why we were one of the first families on Dura-Jil, he was overseeing the construction of the buildings. He was a civilian contractor with the UHN.” Kun cleared his throat, then said, “Liu has a few more questions for you, okay?”

Then Yangyang was back in front of you. “What other topics have you read about while you’ve been on the Vision?”

Kun brought the positronic Allen key down from your head, his eyes watching your face very carefully. You blinked, readjusting in your spot and rolling out your shoulders. You could recall your entire lengthy conversation with them, thought the memories felt slightly hazy, as if you had been half-asleep the entire time.

“Alright, I’ve—”

“Sorry, would you mind if I stood up while you talked?” You interrupted Yangyang sheepishly. “It feels like I’ve been sitting for a while…”

“Yeah, of course.”

Kun helped you off the counter, his hand hovering over you cautiously as you stood, until he seemed sure that your muscles would support you. Your limbs felt just fine, no aches in them, but you felt the need to move your joints around again.

“So I’ve got your positronic pathways mapped out,” Yangyang announced giddily, gripping his notebook with two hands.

“How could you even measure that though? All we did was talk, you didn’t have anything attached to me, and you couldn’t see my brain,” you asked curiously, grabbing one of your arms to stretch it across your chest.

“You were indicating the positronic flows with your fingers.”

“Wait, really?” You looked down at your hands.

“Yeah, it looked like you were playing the piano on your knees the whole time,” Kun replied, his brow furrowed. “You didn’t feel that?”

“No, I didn’t even realize I was doing it.”

Yangyang’s face lit up. “We should totally do this again with a piano under your hands! Hearing the positronic pathways as music? That’d be so cool!”

“Liu, focus,” Kun said sternly.

“Right, anyway. Here it is!” He turned the notebook around for you to see what he had been sketching.

You couldn’t tell what you were looking at. It definitely didn’t look like a human brain, or even what the components on the x-ray had looked like. If anything, it looked like some combination of abstract art and quantum physics. Intersecting curved lines, straight lines, circles, the occasional indication of a charge or other scientific symbol, some numbers. It was fascinating to look at, and sort of beautiful in a strange way, but you definitely wouldn’t be able to identify it as a brain, much less your brain, without being told that.

“…What was the point of this?” Kun asked frankly, crossing his arms over his chest.

“It looks very complex,” you added. “What does it tell you? And what will you be able to do with it?”

“Well, first of all, the degree complexity is interesting. You see these more condensed areas?” He gestured to a few areas on the page where the drawing was more congested with information than others. “We call those nodules. Some robots’ impressions will only have two nodules: The Three Laws, and then whatever their pre-programmed job is. Those are basic robots, meant to do one thing. You have a lot, as well as sub-nodules, but I also watched you gain a sub-nodule in real time as we were mapping.”

“What sub-nodule?”

“When you were talking to the captain, he gave you new information about himself, about his dad, his family,” Yangyang rambled on with enthusiasm. “What a thrill… Anyway, you’re very dynamic.”

“Uh, thank you?”

He laughed. “You’re welcome. But also, that means something when it comes to positronic brain construction. You’re able to construct new nodules and sub-nodules on your own, as well as modify or combine existing ones when presented with new information. Pretty advanced stuff. You obviously weren’t designed to be a one-trick pony. You don’t have the most nodules I’ve ever seen in a positronic brain, but you had all your non-impressed knowledge wiped, to be fair. By my estimate, you’ll surpass that other brain in… a couple weeks maybe?”

“How old was the other brain? With… more nodules?” You asked curiously, hoping you were using the jargon correctly.

“Several years old.” He beamed. “And, I was able to confirm that you were ordered to wipe everything that wasn’t impressed. You see, when data is wiped from a robot, the data itself can be entirely erased. However, it’s like leveling a house. The house may no longer be there, but the foundation is still in the ground. The positronic pathways from when the robot did have that data still exist, sort of.”

“You can see the pathways from the data that I wasn’t impressed with, but you can’t tell what that data was?”

He nodded. “The pathways are there, but since they haven’t been used, they’re degraded.”

“We have no clue what the house looked like just because we can see the foundation,” Kun sighed.

“Exactly.”

“This degradation,” the captain continued. “Is it bad? For her?”

“No.” Yangyang quickly shook his head. “They weren’t for any sort of sort of critical functions, as those would’ve been in her factory impressions, and they won’t spread to any other pathways that are currently being used.”

“Good.”

“Did this tell you anything about Aegeum?” You questioned nervously.

The roboticist tapped the eraser end of his pencil to his paper. “This is one of the most advanced positronic brains I’ve seen, and I’d love do another mapping in the future, if you’d let me.”

“Why does it sound like you’re hedging, Liu?” Kun cut in.

“But… I can only learn so much under the current circumstances.”

“You’re not opening her skull up.”

“That’s not what I was going to say!” He defended himself. “I meant… she’s not a robot. I can’t study her like one. I’m not even 100% what parts of her are flesh and blood and which aren’t, other than the positronic brain.”

“Do you think we should call Dejun here too?” You suggested.

Kun hesitated. “Why?”

“Well, we know I have a positronic brain, but the field scanner and the infirmary scanner thought I was plenty human enough when he tested me. And, I obviously bleed, sleep, and eat too.”

“She’s right. We thought we were on the trail of… something else down on Aegeum. Getting a doctor’s second opinion on the fleshy parts couldn’t hurt,” Yangyang offered his support.

Kun approached you, holding your gaze seriously. “Are you sure about this? The more people know…”

“I trust Dejun,” you affirmed. “I trust all of you.”

“Go get him, Liu,” Kun directed. ZEN had been put on a blackout again for the actual mapping, meaning that he couldn’t just ask the AI to page him.

“On it!”

“You’re fucking with me,” Dejun deadpanned.

“Nope.” Yangyang shook his head, feet kicked up on one of his workbenches, having just explained why he’d dragged the doctor to the robotics lab.

“Y/N doesn’t get Earth humor, fine. But how did you get the captain to go along with this weird as fuck joke, Liu?” Dejun pointed to where you and Kun were standing off to the side.

“It’s not a prank!”

“She bleeds!”

“I know.”

“And breathes! And sleeps! And eats! And has vitals that can be picked up by diagnostic scanners!”

“Those only look for the presence of an illness or disease, right? Or abnormal heartrate or breathing?” Yangyang pointed out.

“Yeah…”

“So, an absence of certain things wouldn’t register. She’s got a heart and lungs, as best I can guess.” He continued, “Positronic brain confirmed. Everything else… we’re a bit less certain about.”

Your friend looked over at you, squinting in clear confusion, then back to Yangyang. “I… Huh?”

“Need a consult, Doc,” Yangyang grinned.

You sat down again for Dejun to start his exam. He brought over a few things from the infirmary, one of which was an ordinary stethoscope. He put the earpieces in his ears, then held the other end up to your chest. Everyone was silent as he listened.

“Yeah, okay, heartbeat. It’s… normal. Normal resting heartrate,” he murmured. “I’m going to listen to your breathing now.” He moved it to another place on your chest and paused again. After a moment, he switched it to his other hand and gently touched the back of your shoulder. “Forward.”

You leaned forward for him to reposition the stethoscope, and at the same time out of the corner of your eye, you could see Kun tense up and unfold his arms.

“Xiao,” Yangyang said urgently.

“What?” Dejun paused, sounding annoyed to have been interrupted.

“The Three Laws. Careful with your requests,” the roboticist reminded him.

“Don’t order her around,” Kun said more bluntly.

Dejun blinked and looked down at you, clearly startled out of his usual routine for an exam like this. “Oh. Right, sorry. Forgot you were… Sorry, Y/N.”

“It’s fine, Dejun,” you reassured him. “I didn’t… It didn’t process like an order.”

“I need to listen to your breath sounds. Can you take a few deep breaths for me?” He requested, looking between Kun, you, and Yangyang hesitantly, as if to see if he had said that correctly. When you felt him place the stethoscope on your back, you breathed in then out, deeply, as he had asked. After a few breaths, he said, “Okay, and normal breathing now?”

You evened out your breathing again, and he listened for a few moments, then drew back. Dejun took the earpieces out and hung the stethoscope around his neck, putting his hands on his hips.

“Well?” You prompted him.

“Those were definitely lung sounds. And I mean, you’ve already breathed into my field scanner, so I don’t know if it would’ve made more or less sense for you to not have them,” he declared. Next, he tested all your reflexes, then contraction and dilation of your pupils. “You have a heart, lungs, a circulatory system of some kind, and immune system, since you haven’t been bleeding uncontrollably from that cut you got. I’ve personally seen you eat, drink, sneeze, cough, and at least a dozen other normal, involuntary human reflexes.”

“Oh, about the cut…” You grabbed the end of your bandages, quickly unwinding them and taking off the pristine gauze that was underneath. Turning your hand, you displayed your unmarred palm.

Dejun took your arm to look at it closer, then looked at your other one as if to double-check that he was looking at the correct one. He held it up closer to one of Yangyang’s table lamps, running his fingertip over where the cut should have been.

“No scar?” He pushed on it with his thumb in disbelief. “Pain? Tightness? Muscle or tissue damage?”

“No, nothing. It’s been like this since the day after I cut it. I don’t know exactly how fast it healed, but it was less than a day.”

“Seriously?”

“I saw it when I went to change her first bandage. It was like nothing ever happened,” Kun confirmed.

“That’s…” Dejun trailed off and sighed. “Again, I don’t know if that makes more or less sense than her healing at a normal speed.”

“My turn,” Yangyang stood up, walking over to the x-ray machine that had started this whole thing. “Since the captain made me destroy the last image I took—Y/N, you mind?”

“Oh, sure.” You followed him.

“This is why you took my portable head x-ray machine?” Dejun asked incredulously as Yangyang got you situated, then went back over to his computer. “I thought you were just being a weirdo and wanted x-rays of your own head!”

“Xiao…” Kun’s voice held an air of warning. “Next time Liu is ‘being a weirdo’ like that, let me know.”

The process was as quick and painless as before, and you all gathered around Yangyang’s screen as the images processed and loaded up. Despite knowing what it looked like, somehow, you were still as baffled as before. Like there was still some part of you expecting a human brain. You didn’t know if it was the old order conflicting with your personal knowledge, or if you just couldn’t believe that that was your brain that you were looking at.

“Holy shit,” Dejun breathed out.

“Positronic brain,” Yangyang declared, as if it weren’t apparent enough to the doctor that he wasn’t looking at a human brain.

“Alright, I believe you now.”

Kun cleared his throat. “Liu—”

“Yep, deleting right now,” Yangyang quickly erased all the films he had just taken.

“Who knows?” Dejun asked you.

“Just the people in this room,” you informed him. “Even ZEN’s knowledge is somewhat limited, he’s on blackout right now.”

Dejun’s eyes strayed over to the captain.

“I’ve suspended us in slipspace and haven’t reported a word of this to Admiral Lee,” Kun answered his unspoken question, clearly bristling at the implication. “Nor do I intend to. Our story stays the same: We found a human survivor on Aegeum with amnesia.”

“I’d like to take some samples, if that’s alright.” Dejun’s focused back on you. “Blood, cheek swab, nothing invasive.”

“Sure,” you agreed.

Dejun took the cheek swab first, then prepared your arm to take the blood sample. Unlike the field scanner, which just needed a pinprick from your finger to get a quick rundown of your vitals, he apparently needed a bit more for the tests he wanted to run this time.

“Y/N, what you were saying earlier, about not processing Dejun telling you to sit forward like an order, what do you mean by that?” Yangyang asked as Dejun wrapped a band around your upper arm.

“I mean, I guess I knew that it was a request and not an order? Like, it didn’t shut me down like the order you gave me. I did what he asked, but there was no reason for me not to, you know?” You explained, trying your best to articulate the difference between the two experiences.

Yangyang tilted his head, his eyes once again glittering with that studious fascination. “How did you know it wasn’t an order?”

“I mean, his tone of voice, and the context? He was giving me directions for the exam, but it wasn’t really an order, right?”

“Oh my God…”

“What? She’s right. I wouldn’t have forced her to lean forward if she said no for some reason. I definitely didn’t think I was ordering her around,” Dejun scoffed, preparing the needle and collection tube. “Y/N, small pinch.”

You felt when the needle pierced your skin, but your focus was still on Yangyang, who was now pacing the room and gesturing furtively.

“Well, early robots did everything that any human told them to do, usually very literally. No room for sarcasm, no nuance. All orders were of the same level of importance. Then, they started being able to prioritize based on who gave an order, as they were given capabilities to create hierarchies of people in relation to themselves—only for the Second Law.” He then pointed to you. “But Y/N is the first I’ve heard of not only deciphering tone and context, but also then using that to determine if she was actually given an order or not.”

“So… what we do? Understanding social cues?” Kun arched an eyebrow, seeming unimpressed.

“That almost sounds like she doesn’t have a Second Law. Or at least not a very effective one, if she can think her way around it,” Dejun added skeptically. Having finished, he held a cotton ball to the site as he untied the band around your arm. “Here, I’ll get you a band-aid.”

“I don’t think you need to,” you reminded him quietly.

Dejun tentatively lifted up the cotton swab, and sure enough, there wasn’t any indication that you had just had a needle in your arm. No bruising, no blood, no small pinprick hole to be found. He silently nodded, turning away and bringing his materials with him.

Yangyang continued with his explanation, “Okay, think of it like this. We’re given a command, and based on tone, context, word choice, and other social cues, come to the conclusion that it’s an order. Despite knowing it’s an order, we can still choose not to obey it. Y/N, on the other hand, once she determines that she’s been given an order, she has to follow through. Like she said before, the Second Law shuts down her other systems until she’s executed it.”

“I’m not sitting there thinking it through like that… but yes, I think so,” you agreed.

“It all happens in less than a millisecond, like it does for us.”

Kun rubbed his face thoughtfully. “So she still has a Second Law, but what other robots might interpret as an order, and would therefore trigger their Second Law, Y/N might not interpret as an order, and wouldn’t have her Second Law triggered?”

“Exactly. Makes for much more natural interactions, especially if you want to treat the not-quite-robot you’ve made uh, not like a robot.”

“So, you guys think Y/N was… made there? On Aegeum?” Dejun asked, wincing over the word ‘made.’

“That’s the… working hypothesis,” Yangyang answered tentatively.

“So, she’s the proof of concept, then? Of the robot-people?”

You touched your forehead instinctively as a dull, familiar pain started up in your head again.

“Y/N?” Kun rested a hand on your back. “Your head?”

“Yeah…”

“We’re done,” he declared forcefully. No room for arguing.

Dejun looked between Kun ushering you to your feet, and Yangyang, who was watching the two of you somberly, with bewilderment and concern. “What’s—”

“I’ll explain in a minute, Xiao,” Yangyang said quietly. “Let the captain get Y/N out of here first.”

In your cabin, Kun sat you down on the single bed. He cupped your cheek to lift your gaze to him as he stood in front of you, eyes tracking over your face. “How’s your head?”

“Better,” you assured him, placing your hand over his. “You can’t be mad at Dejun, he didn’t know.”

“No, but I can be worried, and afraid of your head… of the fact that you have a self-destruct button that we can’t disarm.”

“I’m okay, Kun.”

“This time,” he added bitterly. “I get why you hate what I’ve been doing, with my enhancements degrading. The way I was acting. Why you called me a pathetic idiot. I don’t like seeing you like this either, especially when it doesn’t have to be happening.”

“You should tell the others, about me,” you said. “What I am, orders, the failsafe, everything.”

Kun sat down next to you. “Are you sure?”

“We didn’t know enough before. It would’ve been too much, for everyone. But we know enough to be able to tell them something, and to tell them what we don’t know. And you need to tell them everything. So nobody accidentally triggers the failsafe or gives me an order. Or asks why we aren’t at Earth in a week.”

He nodded with a resigned agreement. “And I have to tell them…”

“So you can speak candidly and they can ask whatever questions they need to. Without worrying about my head.”

“That’s not fair to you,” he stated.

You reached over to take his hand, lacing your fingers with his. “But it’s what will keep my head in one piece, isn’t it?”

Kun looked at the time on the wall clock above your cabin door. “There’s still a few hours before mess… Can I do it then?”

“Sure,” you chuckled. “Can I make a request in return?”

“Of course.”

“Will you sing for me?”

He looked at you with genuine shock. “Excuse me?”

“When you and Yangyang were talking about the piano earlier, I realized… I’ve never heard music.”

“God damn it… Hold on.” Kun moved around until he was sitting up against the headboard, then gestured for you to come closer. “Come here.”

“What?”

“I’m not going to do this with you looking at me. So—” He once again motioned for you.

Reclined back against him, your head against his chest and his arms around your waist, you definitely could not see his face from this angle. You were looking out at the desk and the dresser, in fact.

You half-expected him to try to dissuade you again, as he cleared his throat from behind you. But instead, the next thing you heard was the quiet, uncertain beginnings of a hum. He slowly added more words to the tune, every so often dropping back into a hum. His voice never rose above a quiet murmur right beside your ear, a performance just for you. It was a simple melody, only a few notes, and repeated over the few verses. But you found yourself enthralled the whole time, never wanting it to end.

His soft singing faded out, and he cleared his throat again, signaling the end of the song.

“Can you sing it again? Please?” You didn’t dare look back, not wanting to startle him from fulfilling your request, but you grabbed his hands tightly, hoping to pass along your enthusiasm through your touch.

“Really? It was just a nursery rhyme my mom used to sing. I don’t think I’m even a very good singer…”

“I liked it.”

“Alright,” he sighed, a tinge of fondness in the word as he leaned forward to press a featherlight kiss to your cheek.

So far, this wasn’t as big of a shitstorm as Kun had been expecting, really. The crew who didn’t already know were understandably shocked, but ultimately, let the other three finish briefing them with minimal interruptions or questions.

“So Y/N’s a…” The Professor trailed off, looking to Liu to fill in.

“Humanoid,” the roboticist offered tentatively. “So far the only robotic part we’ve found is her brain.”

“You say that like she has a prosthetic pinky toe,” Ten retorted. “It’s her brain.”

“Ten, come on, dude. It’s Y/N,” Wong scratched the back of his head awkwardly.

“I’m not saying we deactivate her or throw her in a cell or anything. I’m just trying to make sure we all understand the gravity of the situation.” The pilot sat forward in his chair. “She’s clearly the proof of concept that they were trying to preserve by doing a partial scrub. The question is what use is to she to them like this? No offense to her, Captain, I’m not calling her an idiot, I’m saying they erased her memories and convinced her she was a normal human. Whatever she was doing for them before the partial scrub, she doesn’t know how to do it now.”

“Maybe she has some component to whatever they were doing there that’s vital enough to risk her being discovered,” the Professor suggested.

“Right, Liu said they could have backed up her data externally. Maybe they were planning on this being temporary. They knew they were about to be found out for whatever they were doing, and had to get out, but couldn’t bring Y/N for whatever reason. So they make an external back-up of all her sensitive data with the intent of putting it back in later and, you know, picking back up where they left off. But they wipe it off her memory banks so if she’s found in the meantime, whoever finds her has nothing.”

Kun interjected here, “I’m telling you, Y/N didn’t—”

“You think they just kept one of the most advanced robots—sorry, humanoid—Liu has ever seen around a top-secret, illegal, unsanctioned lab for conversation?” Ten retorted, then seemed to catch himself, and added as an afterthought, “…Sir.”

“Captain, we all like Y/N…” Liu assured him.

“She’s one of us, just like ZEN,” Xiao jumped in to defend you as well.

“But that doesn’t mean we can ignore the fact that she was definitely involved in whatever was going on in that place. Somehow,” Ten argued.

“We don’t know how. Or if,” Kun reiterated forcefully.

The Professor quickly tried to smooth over the rising tensions in the room, “You’re right.”

“I mean, I just think it’s crazy that they took her memories from her—her entire life—and you guys are assuming that there’s going to be proof she did all this awful shit in there!” Kun was on his feet now, he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t stay in his seat another moment, not when a righteous anger was electrifying every inch of his being now.

“And you’re assuming that it’s going to be the opposite.” Ten remained seated, but no less impassioned then before.

“No, I’m saying we don’t know! So we can’t just treat her like a criminal because we’re assuming she’s going to be one!”

“Nobody’s doing that,” Wong tried to placate the captain now. He repeated, “She’s one of us, Captain.”

“She’s not here. We’re talking about her without her. That doesn’t seem like she’s one of us,” Xiao stated bitterly.

“Right, so you want her head to rip itself apart from the inside?” Liu reminded him.

“I would have preferred to be able to have Y/N here as well, but we needed the ability to discuss this openly without risking her safety,” Kun said regretfully.

“I hate this,” the doctor announced.

The captain sighed. “So do I, Xiao.”

“Uh, I feel like we’re all forgetting something here?” Wong spoke up hesitantly.

“What?” Kun asked shortly.

“Y/N’s a robot… kind of. The First Law? She can’t hurt a human.”

“She could’ve not known what they were doing,” Ten immediately proposed.

“Then that blows a hole in your whole theory that she was crucial!” The captain retaliated.

“There’s been loopholes found in the First Law before. Robots who were convinced some kinds of people weren’t humans. Robots who were convinced that hurting individual humans for the greater good of humanity was okay. And then of course, we have robot surgeons,” ZEN gave his own incredibly helpful input at that moment.

“Did I ask for a fucking encyclopedia article?” Kun snapped at the AI.

The Professor waved his hands to get everybody’s attention, declaring, “This conversation is getting us nowhere.”

Kun stood up straighter and rolled out his neck, taking a deep breath to recenter himself. This was not the level-headed leader he wanted to be for his first crew. “The Professor’s right. This isn’t productive. I wanted to debrief you all now since we know more, and also for Y/N’s safety.”

“Yeah, what was Liu talking about her head ripping itself apart from inside?” Wong asked, clearly concerned.

“The failsafe, that we had mentioned earlier,” Liu took over explaining this part. “Specifically, the mechanism is in her head, and the best that we’ve been able to figure out, it’s to prevent anybody who may have found her in her amnesiac state from finding out too much about the experiments they were doing, while also having her, uhm, intact.”

“She gets headaches, usually around stuff having to do with the people-robots on Aegeum. That’s the failsafe. If you’re talking to Y/N, or within earshot of Y/N, and her head starts hurting even a little bit, shut the fuck up. Talk about anything else,” Kun instructed, deadly serious.

“So it’s like a game of hot or cold of if we’re on the right track?” Ten tilted his head curiously.

“A game that we’re not fucking playing,” Xiao smacked his teammate’s arm. “Because winning means Y/N’s head exploding.”

“Why do you people assume the worst of me? Fuck…” he grumbled, rubbing his bicep. “I was going to suggest that we could try to reconstruct what was being talked about when Y/N got her previous headaches. Not give her new ones.”

“ZEN, look through your archives,” Kun instructed. “Next: Orders. Do not give her a direct order.”

“Y/N’s really good at distinguishing what’s an order, or direction, or suggestion, or question,” Liu clarified. “But so far, it seems like the word ‘order’ triggers her Second Law.”

“So like, what can we say to her? Like, if I’m fixing the coffee maker—” Wong got interrupted by incredulous sounds from the others. “—and she’s closer to the wrench, can I ask her to hand me it?”

“Yes, you can say ‘Can you hand me the wrench?’” Kun affirmed. “Just don’t be demanding, and don’t use the word ‘order.’ Third: No flying knives.” He was practically boring holes into Wong with his eyes.

“I haven’t done any knife tricks since that happened!” Wong defended himself.

“That goes for everyone. No doing stupid shit that could get you hurt around her. I don’t care if you’re willing to risk slicing your finger off because you’re spinning a knife around, unless you’re also willing to risk slicing Y/N’s finger off, don’t do it.”

“First Law. She will intervene,” Liu added, in case they had somehow forgotten about your positronic brain the past ten seconds.

“Uh, Captain…?” The Professor tentatively raised his hand. “We’re on a pretty dangerous mission. Does this mean you've changed your mind about keeping Y/N aboard?”

Kun’s brows were furrowed as he evaluated the options in front of him, none of which seemed like good ones. “Leaving her somewhere else in order to keep her safe in regards to the Second Law would require briefing whoever she went with about what she is, which would put her in an entirely different kind of danger.”

“So she’s staying?”

“I wish there was a better option, but yes.” The captain watched the uncertain glances that his crew were exchanging. “I’m not asking that this affect the way you do your job. However, outside of the mission, when you’re around Y/N, don’t be doing stupid shit you don’t need to be doing. She’s not made of metal. If it’ll hurt you, it’ll hurt her.”

There were murmurs of agreement and head nods, and Kun let out the breath he’d been holding unwillingly.

“Any questions?”

After everyone else filtered out to go to mess, Kun remained on the bridge, sitting in his seat at the head of the table. He held his head in his hands as a hologram of a green cube materialized in front of him. The captain didn’t even react, continuing to stare through the transparent projection.

“I think that went well, Captain,” ZEN declared. Kun couldn’t tell if the AI was taking pity on him.

“If the crew can survive this, I think we can survive anything,” Kun stated, not sounding very optimistic about the chances. Shaking himself out of his despondent spiral, he asked, “Where’s Y/N? At mess?”

“I let her know the meeting was over and she thought it best to wait for you, Captain. She’s in your cabin.”

“Thanks, ZEN. I’ll go see her.”

Mess wasn’t as awkward as you had been expecting. Sure, the crew had some questions, especially when you took your first bite of food, but they were all pretty tame, and seemed to come from genuine curiosity, not suspicion.

“What else needs to be done before the slipdrive can be reactivated, Captain?” Ten asked between bites of food.

“Xiao, how long will your tests take?” Kun turned to the doctor.

“Should all be done by tomorrow,” Dejun answered.

“Liu, anything else pertinent that we need to take care of before arriving on Earth?”

The roboticist let out a puff of air as he looked up at the ceiling, thinking. After a moment, he brought his eyes back down and shook his head. “Nah, all clear here.”

“Pending the results of the tests that Xiao is running, we’ll be turning the slipdrive back to propulsion soon.”

That got them excited again, one step closer to shore leave, the crisis of the evening almost completely pushed from the crew’s mind. Almost.

“Hey, Y/N,” Kunhang got your attention, mischievous grin on his face. “Xiao said something about how you’ve got super-healing. You up for a drinking contest on Earth?”

“You’ve watched way too many old superhero movies, Wong,” Dejun scoffed. “You think she’s going to have a superhuman metabolism and not be affected by alcohol, right?”

Ten, meanwhile, was laughing. “She’s probably never had a drink! She’s going to be a lightweight!”

And of course that set them all (including the Professor and Yangyang) off into a debate about, theoretically, based off what they did know about your physiology, whether or not you’d process alcohol like an average human or not. You looked over to Kun with amusement, and found his eyes already on you. Quirking an eyebrow up at him inquisitively, you didn’t receive a verbal reply, but instead he reached over to briefly squeeze your arm before dropping his hand back down to his lap.

“What’s Earth like?” You asked Kun as you prepared his injections that night.

“Tired of hearing about Dura-Jil?” He teased, settling in on his front.

“That isn’t the only place you’ve lived,” you pointed out. “And we’re on our way to Earth. I’m curious.”

“I didn’t go to Earth when I was 15. I went there after.”

He didn’t say it, but you knew where he had been in between Dura-Jil and Earth. The program.

“When you enrolled in the Academy?” You disinfected the injection area.

“Yeah. Couldn’t believe how blue that sky was…”

You aligned his first injection. “Is it a similar color the sky in the ag bubble?”

“Sometimes.”

Click.

“But Earth has weather, and clouds,” Kun continued, humor in his voice. “Central, the city that UHN Main is located in, it’s got all four seasons. I think we’ll be coming back in late summer. I kind of wish you could see snow. It’s got a big military population, Central, obviously, but the city’s so huge that if you can get a few blocks away from the UHN Main building itself, you can kind of forget that. As long as you don’t see a solder in uniform.”

As you listened to Kun gradually and sporadically paint you a picture of Earth, you could feel the soft, persistent smile on your lips, even as you had to switch out his med-pod, which didn’t make him falter or stutter. He was telling you about a restaurant within walking distance of UHN Main that he used to frequent when he was on Earth between missions when the second med-pod clicked again, signaling it had finished. You disposed of the materials and sat back down next to him, up by the pillow he was resting his upper half on.

To your pleasant surprise, he didn’t immediately roll over or sit up this time, simply looking at you over his arm. You ran a hand over his hair, dropping it down to rest it on his shoulderblade.

“I can’t wait for you to get your adjustments,” you sighed. “How long is the procedure?”

“An hour or so,” he informed you. “I’ll have Xiao wait with you.”

“Dejun should be able to enjoy his shore leave with the rest of the crew.”

“I’m sure he’ll want to wait with you anyway. It’s what friends are for.”

You stretched a finger out to trace his cheek with your fingertip. “Does it hurt?”

“No, I feel fine,” he promised. “Still doing good on two med-pods.”

“I meant the adjustment.”

“Oh, I’m under anesthesia for it. Don’t feel a thing.”

“And after?”

“A little stiff for a day or so, but after that, good as new.”

Before you could respond, there was a rapid-fire series of knocks on your cabin door, and you exchanged a bewildered, concerned look with Kun. You stood up as Kun slowly began shifting himself into a sitting position.

Dejun was on the other side, and you didn’t hide your confusion as you looked him up and down in his pajamas as he stood in the hall. “Uhm, hi?”

“Can I come in?” He requested quietly, his brow furrowed deeply, a look of worry cut deeply into his features.

“Sure.” You stepped back, opening the door further for him to enter.

“This couldn’t have waited until morning, Xiao?” Kun asked flatly, clearly disgruntled at the nighttime disturbance.

“I’m not Wong, I take no joy in this.” He gestured wildly to his surroundings and the three of you. “But no, this felt rather urgent.”

The captain sighed, “Go on…”

“The tests I was running. A few of them came back. I also ran another test on the sample from the lab on Aegeum.”

“I thought you already did all the testing you could with that sample. It was human, right? The other results were largely inconclusive.”

“Yeah, yeah. But I realized I could run another test, actually.” Your friend was clearly agitated about whatever it was, fidgeting, unable to stand in one place.

“And?” You prompted him.

He met your gaze, face clearly filled with regret and a deep want to not be saying this to you. “It’s a partial DNA match for you.”

“Partial? Like she’s related to it somehow?” Kun questioned.

“I wouldn’t exactly call it a familial connection… I sequenced the genes and they’re almost identical.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying, the differences in these genes wouldn’t come about from the natural shuffling of genes that happens during reproduction, or even familial variations. It looks… more precise.”

“Genetic modification?” You guessed.

“More like genetic design.”

“So Y/N and the sample you found…” Kun trailed off, and you weren’t sure if he didn’t know how to finish his own sentence, or didn’t want to.

“Same base DNA, different modifications,” Dejun did it for him anyway.

“Clones?” You could feel your eyebrow shoot up.

Dejun rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. “If you want to be crude.”

“And what’s the not crude way to say that, Xiao?” Kun snipped.

“I’m just saying, we don’t call identical twins clones…” The doctor replied levelly. After a beat of you and Kun still wrapping your minds around the information, Dejun cleared his throat and added, “The sample was all undifferentiated cells—stem cells—it wasn’t… developed like you are, Y/N. Uhm, for what’s that worth.”

“Oh, okay…” You said just to say something, grabbing your upper arms and holding yourself tightly.

“Anything else, Xiao?” Kun asked tersely, already getting to his feet.

“Nope, nope, I’ll show myself out,” Dejun scrambled for the door. “Sorry, goodnight, and uhm, sorry again.”

You heard the door close behind you. Looking up at the ceiling, you could feel the tears gathering in your eyes before you even knew why they were there. They easily eked out the corners of your eyes and slipped down your cheeks.

“What are we going to do, Kun…?” You whispered, your voice coming out as a nearly unrecognizable squeak.

“ZEN, set the slipdrive to propulsion.” Kun’s stern command made you turn your head towards him in confusion. But his brow was set with determination, just like it had been when he’d suspended it in the first place.

“Are you sure, Captain?” ZEN questioned an order from Kun for the first time that you’d ever heard.

“Yes. Then go on blackout.” After a beat, the cabin was quiet, save for your shaking breaths, and the sound of Kun’s feet as he padded over to you. He wiped his thumbs over the wetness on your face, holding your gaze steadily as he answered your question, “We’ll be arriving on Earth in two weeks. The crew will go on shore leave. I’ll give my full report to Admiral Lee about Aegeum, the human survivor we found there with amnesia, and Dr. Yoon being alive. I’ll get my tune-ups. If we have time, I’ll take you to a concert to see some real music, live. And then we’ll go where the Admiral sends us.”

Keep going. Don’t pick the scab.

You gulped. “What if he sends us to find Dr. Yoon?”

You weren’t sure if you ever wanted to see the man who made you, whose experiments, in one way or another, got all those people killed on Aegeum, who did what he did to Kun…

“Then that’s what we’ll do.” His voice stayed steady.

“You said Admiral Lee has never lied to you. Why are you willing to lie to him, for me?”

“I already told you. All I can offer is me. You’re the first person who I got to choose to give that to.” Kun smiled bittersweetly with his words, still cradling the side of your face, giving him the perfect view for when your tears rose back up. “Y/N? Are you okay?”

“I was just thinking about your program again. And Aegeum…” You admitted, bringing your own hand to your damp undereyes. “Do you still think you’re… not human?”

“I’m certainly an experiment that they didn’t plan on living this long. But I did, which let me meet you. So whatever I am, I’m lucky.”

“Then we’re two experiments, created for something, and choosing each other instead.”

Kun chuckled softly. “You know, I actually think I like that a lot better than cyborg or humanoid or clone or whatever else.”  

“Me too.” You wrapped your arms around his waist to hold him closer. “I love you, Kun.”

“I love you, too,” he murmured, pressing his lips to your forehead.

⇢ series masterlist | blog masterlist

[ghostoffuturespast]

WIP Whenever

*takes a deep breath* Tagged by @streetkid-named-desire @wanderingaldecaldo (you two I think at least twice lol) @seeker-of-truth

@baublekute @scarlettspectra @aggravateddurian. Thank you all very much for thinking of me! 🧡

Tag backs for everyone above 😘 and @luvwich @merge-conflict @shimmer-like-agirl @mynonsenseistingling

@fly-amanitaa @dani-the-goblin @tarmac-rat @lavnderkiwi @morganlefaye79

Cash your tag in now or later and feel free to do whatever creative projects you're working on! Doesn't even have to be fandom related.

It's been a minute. This one got long.

I largely haven't been doing any fandom stuff other than VP because my work schedule has been insane the past two months. And the only reason I have VP to post is because I'm generous about snapping pics and the vast majority of photos y'all are seeing are ones I took back in March/April/May.

Things at work are starting to be slightly less hectic though, so hopefully I can get back into the swing of things. I'm trying to be gentle with myself about the time and energy I do have but it's been frustrating wanting to do things and not having the beans to do them. Spending most of my workdays outside for extended periods of time means I'm bone tired when I get home. And then I have more work to do outside...

Gardening

My garden is gonna be very scraggly looking for the rest of the year, but if I can keep it alive, in theory, the plants should come back bigger and bolder next year. Shortgrass prairie plants spend the bulk of their first few growing seasons establishing their root systems since water is often in short supply, so the tops of the plants are very unimpressive rn. Most of them probably won't get much bigger than this or even flower this year.

I've gotten a good chunk of the plants in the ground, have irrigation lines going to all of them, and did the lil concrete paver patio. I still need to finish planting the plants that have been languishing in their pots for over a month, bury the irrigation lines, and do a bunch of other random things, but we're getting there. Not planning on covering the bare dirt with mulch because I'm doing fall and spring seeding and I want the plants to self-sow. Going for wild pocket prairie and I'm gonna let it go absolutely feral. I'd eventually like to get rid of the river rocks too but baby steps.

What's really funny is all my native plants seem to be doing reasonable well. My vegetable garden on the other hand... It's sad. I know where I fucked up though (I should not have done that soil experiment lol and attack of the cutworm catepillars), so I'll just have to cut my loses this year and reevaluate for next. The worm composter is doing good though 🪱

Drawing

Attempting to get back into drawing. Again, it's been slow. Have been doodling some mutual's CP2077 OCs when I have the time and still have a ways to get through my list. I'm surprised by how much fan art of Grandpa I've received so I figured I'd return the favor for some folks. It's always a pleasant surprise getting some lovely art in your inbox. Probably won't be coloring most of these from here on out. I have a love hate relationship with coloring. Sorry, I just find lines more interesting. All of these were done with dip pen, ink, and watercolor.

I've got another more formal piece I need to work on as well and get done by the end of the month. Keep forgetting to do the layout sketches...

Writing

The slowest of them all. Been working on the same damn short fic (No. 1 of Les Preludes) and then brainstorming for about fifty other projects that are waiting their turn in line. Plus, I'm still trying to read too. But when I can only manage a chapter of a fic about every two weeks...

Most of my writing efforts have been bopping into my drafts now and then and pecking out a sentence or two. However, I did manage to spend 45 minutes detangling a section of about 200 words 🐢:

Have you or a loved one been in an accident or injured on the job?  Are you missing your former quality of life?  Holed up in the bathroom, Robert winced at his reflection in the mirror and at the crusted blood he picked at underneath his nostrils.  Then consider Arasaka Cybernetic Implants!  Fully functional prostheses are capable of replicating the full range of human motion and more!  Available in a range of sizes and styles to suit all your lifestyle needs.  The body of the future is NOW. The corners of his mouth tugged on a bruised eye and what former experience had taught him was a broken nose. Call 1-800-IMPLANT today for a free consultation! Low-interest financing and payment plans available. A rapid fire of unintelligible fine print was drowned out by the sputter of the faucet. Robert cupped his hands and scrubbed at his face, the pain disappearing for the briefest moments with the black of shut eyes and splashes of cold water.      Arasaka Corporation.  What can we do for you? Dry flecks of red decorated the sides of the sink before rehydrating into inky swirls of blood that slipped down the sides of imitation porcelain. Yellowed, cracked, and starting to chip. The plastic hadn’t aged well.

This snippet gives me the hardest war flashbacks to those late 90s/early 00s TV phone ads. Anyone else old enough to remember these things?

[consolecadet]

big complaining. please do not give me advice on any of this unless 1) we already talk AND 2) you get my consent first

Virtually everything for me right now is in some state of "it is terrible rn but I just need to hold on for a few more weeks/months" and it just. I don't have a lot of grip strength with which to hold on rn.

My tennis elbow hurts more since I started OT, or perhaps I am just more aware of it. Either way it's really bothering me and making me sad

I recently developed eczema or something like that, because of course I did, and the second I stopped steroid cream it came back just as itchy and weepy, despite aggressive moisturizing. I cannot see a dermatologist until November but I have vague hope in the form of a different steroid cream I may try in one week

The three-day low-residue diet my dietician had me try backfired horribly after I stopped it and now I'm even more scared to eat, like, beans and/or onions

I have been having trouble accessing medical supplies that I can technically get by without but really shouldn't. Dealing with it requires making tons of phone calls and/or driving to a bunch of different pharmacies, something I have no time or energy to do rn

I'm in a BMW situation and cannot resume trying to sell it until it is resolved, though it's not a big deal because I am borrowing my sister's car and will buy it from her once I have sold the BMW

Reviewing KC's edits to Latent Defects is tiring and emotionally challenging (though I'm way less upset and dramatic about it than I thought it would be)

I keep spiraling about things like the election, genocide, and the climate

Covid cases have once again risen in my area and I am nervous about that because I've socialized a lot IRL recently and don't know if I was careful enough

I agreed to do an art project with a friend that I think will be really cool, but am worried will hurt my forearm too much and/or cause extra stress which I have little capacity for rn

I am having trouble keeping in touch with friends bc the first thing to go when I get stressed is The Ability to Message People. I also have a newish local friend who messages me a lot more than I am used to and I'm worried I'm making him feel sad and uncared for bc I am so slow to respond and don't message him first very often

KC's summer break is about to end, which means I am about to start having to get up earlier, which realistically means I am going to lose a lot of sleep while I once again struggle to adjust. Also means I'm gonna spend a lot more time driving again

The project I am managing is a MESS, we pushed the launch back, and I feel like it's my fault for 1) not knowing how to manage a project, 2) not asking for nearly enough help, and 3) being kind of mentally absent due to being itchy, in pain, and very cranky for basically the whole project. Though tbf multiple of my coworkers have been sick for chunks of it and also not able to pitch in as much as we expected. Also once we launch, then I have to help manage an online community, which, yikes

I would like a raise to offset the gigantic medical bills I seem to get stuck with every year, but I also fucked up something else at work recently, the one account I managed fired us, and worse yet I absolutely know that the company I work for is barely scraping by and cannot afford to give me a raise regardless of whether my boss wants to. I should probably look for another job but 1) I like these people 2) I have no energy or time rn and 3) much fewer companies are fully remote these days and I cannot physically handle commuting and working in an office

yeah

[grahamcarmen]

Have a lot of asks and takes so just gonna dump them all here:-

opinion on chase and dexter.

you know i really want carlotta to meet the faculty and coach brunt and gray.

carlotta is gonna get such a biased version of gray that it cackles me up.

I can just imagine carmen telling her about gray and her response is "so you inherited my taste in bad boys".

you know, i understand why people think that if el topo killed someone he'll feel really guilty nut like he's the one to remind crackle that no witnesses should be left behind he's a cinnamon roll who can kill you.

rn i'm giggling at the idea of someone catching carmen and grey making out.

Commander is adorable.

1)i like them! Chase i maintain has the best line about the trufffles in his brain in s2. vivid imagery. poetic. and he gets such a solid and clear arc so congrats dude!! i really also like in s1 where he doesn't really buy that mimebomb is important but does have a tactic to keep tabs on him . tenacious, resiliant, and really intelligent sometimes. a lot of fun to watch and occasionally hear the out of pocket things he can say, he starts out abrasive but seeing him soften up and do what he can do best is fun and rewarding

dexter we don't get much but he was literally so!!! for getting only barely caught on cameras dating carms mom (which he refused to stop doing heck yeah <3) and doing his best to long con his way OUT of VILE for all of their sakes. and as a VILE agent? he was so smooth like steal those jewels, fly away, get paid for minimal teaching...ajsdnfasdkfn cool. RIPERONIS you were pretty cool

i really hope that carmen gets told by her mom that she has her dads eyes it was such an awwww moment when she said it. :( + just ugh can you imagine the conversations if she gets even more hints of similar things between them...ughhhhh carmen would really hold that dear...

2) hmmmmmmm like i really am into maybe her mom wanting to occasionally help carmen and that could happen VIA that (faculty and brunt) as for GRAY...

3) asdkjfnaslkfdjasd ok carmen gives literally all of gray's good points in such heart eyes and happy voice that the context of how carmen knows this just like makes her go "WAIT WAT" but lmao the idea of them falling for bad boys who are actually so soft and will do whatever it takes and actually turn over a new leaf <3 [i do think she might be a little harsher in her opinion on gray at first because thats her baby >:( waddyumeanyou! but like

:(it was everything...it was literally everything he held dear for carmen to exist and ugghhhhhhhhh i can't with them.

and like a changed person who her daughter has so much love for and obviously loved her enough to do that?? plus her mom runs an orphanage like i want to see him try to wiggle his way in the middle of respectful and being called out for old habits he can't shake yet and not being used to her brand of warmth. or her just asking him to keep watch the kids so she and carmen can have a day together mijo :((((((

and him being decent at corralling all those kids...not great he almost lost a couple but decent (he is good at charming distractions but gets snippy at the troublemakers if any...he's the only troublemaker allowed there<3) + always my evidences that he was the one who split up carmen and sheenas fights, the boys looked at him when they needed help at the tunnel, lmao he actually did have a decent distraction of codenames at the ready, and he's a head patter with a chill laid back disposition he projects...he can distract them with candyland for an hour...i think he can catch their attention like lmao he has such de facto group leader energy even if its not what he primarily does/the role he always wants...can he hold it tho...

or even a seriousish conversation after with gray realizing that was her trusting him lol + just long way round is still the way around conversation

5)...is that a thing? i mean el topo initially felt really bad about carmen because they were friends and might* have felt bad for shadowsan because he was his teacher but le chevre just tells him to focus on the bad parts of his class to get over it. old man in the desert who he has no attachment to? crackle remember to kill him + next time le chevre/ el topo both get over any lingering attachments and el topo even captures carmen with a smile and an ho-la. cinnamon roll who can kill.

6)I NEED THAT SO BAD ! NEED THEM TO BE INSEPARABLE AND INSUFFERABLE AND GET CAUGHT BEING ABSOLUTELY INTO EACH OTHER AND ABSOLUTELY SO HAPPY. askjdfnaskfjna and absolutely with only half an idea of what to do when caught

7) COMMANDER ...is cute <3

[secondmagic]

a fucking problem i've had recently is

a) i've been in college for the past few years and it's an art school so all my creative energy has been put entirely in school projects (and i am life a few months away from starting my last year where. i'll be working on my graduate film. which, wtf.) leaving me with little to no time or energy for personal stuff or stuff i draw for fun or that isn't for a specific poroject

b) all i want to draw recently is p*rn (and i really do not want to censor that but the tumblr algorithm has locked my blog down for content enough times at this point) or at least horny or something that at least has bare titties and the occasional bare pussy so either i have to just give up on it i guess or post a little preview piece of it here and link somewhere else and.... like twitter is in a dire state at this point, don't exactly have a following there, it has been well, well documented how the algorithm is actively like against you even if you're like some kind of da vinci level maestro. but it's basically my only option now for most the stuff i do want to post to even get stuff our there. and i did recently get a bluesky acc but you know it's a not very active website and also invite-only. so, not a lot of options.

and you know, my posting here has always been kinda sporadic and i have tried to make stuff more frequently and have a bigger output but out of all the time i spent drawing which frankly is a lot, very little of it ends up as like. a properly fully rendered piece that i can show and i would occasionally post stuff here from my sketchbook that i find at least a little bearable to look at but that also actually takes effort and is difficult to make it like. visually presentable.

a while back tumblr has informed me that this blog has turned 10 years old, which, whoof, huge crisis over the passage of time and also how many grand ambitions i had with this blog when i made it and how little of it i achieved in those 10 years and genera feelings about my own skills and growth and where i stand in life because of my very sporadic posting and my slow pace of work which has gone from like. once very two months to 2-3 times a year and now even when i feel inspired i don't know how much of what i make is even going to be here. recently i've been reevaluating if i even have what it takes or if i even should be an artist with the pace at which i work and how little of anything i complete not to mention how i feel about my own art skills in general, but you know given i've been stubborn about wanting to do this since childhood and i literally just cannot concieve with my brain of doing anything else in life. and on top of that i'm too much of a stubborn spiteful bitch not to keep pushing because i can't let the evil malicious gnome trying to take me down win, so this is something i'm figuring out over time.

anyway i did somehow manage to get 320ish followers in that time, give or take those that are either bots or inactive, and most of you probably followed me for stuff i'm either not super into right now or don't post anymore so you're probably not getting your follow's worth if you look at it practically, you might not even know or remember who i am or what you ever followed me for because of how long its been and how sporadic i am. but i guess i just want to say i know i don't have a lot to offer on this blog compared to a lot of other artists in terms of quality or quantity, which hopefully that will change one day in the future because i am trying to figure out how to do this all better, so thank you all who did follow and are still following and are sticking around despite all of [waves hands] all the things i described

[esta-elavaris]

💘 🎈 💝

💘Is there any posted fic you want to rework/re-edit/re-write?

Ooooo okay so I never would - mostly because I barely have the time and energy rn to write new fics, and revisiting old stuff doesn't often go well because it feels like tired ground, but probably my old Lost Boys fics. I wrote them when I was like? 17-19? And it shows. Which is why they're only on FF.net and not AO3. I only haven't deleted them bc sentimental value, and because I made a friend through them who admitted she likes to reread them haha. Plus it shows growth ig.

I think they're good for how old I was at the time, and they definitely helped me improve my writing, but I could just execute the ideas so much better now. But that's the really fun thing about writing - by the time you finish a project, you're better than you were when you started it, which means you're rarely happy with what you've just finished 🙃 (by fun I mean devastating.)

🎈describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?

I have no idea how to describe it, I'm too close to it to see it clearly. Banter-heavy, I guess. It definitely changes between projects, but I've always noticed that the ones I let myself be funny with are always the best ones - which was a great realisation to have bc it's helped me massively with the novel writing. I don't think it changes wildly, but I try to adopt different "voices" based on perspective rather than having the narration be exactly the same all the time. James gets my essay-writing voice, bless him.

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

Catch the WInd 💀 I thought ten people would read it and that like, seven of those ten would hate it. OC stories have a bad reputation, Modern!OC stories have a worse reputation, so I knew it'd have to be pretty fuckin good if I was going to win that uphill battle, and I think I managed it for the most part bc it's been my most popular story by far 🥺👉👈

Although the fact that I was expecting it to get so little notice made the unbelievably lovely response all the more amazing!!

Thank you! 💜

[bonkie-barnes]

Spoons

natasha romanoff x gn!reader

word count: 2.1k

warnings: chronic illness, mention of medicine, self deprecating thoughts

A/N: this is me 1000% projecting about my guilt that comes with my chronic illnesses. they're kicking my ass rn. this is a vent fic, but if you resonate with this at all, i hope you enjoy :)

- - -

Beep. Beep. Beep.

The alarm clock on Natasha’s bedside table has been going off for a full minute already. You merely roll over and cover your head with Natasha’s pillow. It smells like her.

You have absolutely no energy to get up, let alone reach across the bed to turn the alarm off. Your head feels heavy and your body aches something terrible.

The list of chores you have to do around the house today sits uncomfortably in the back of your mind. The list of friends who have texted you about making plans to hang out sits there too. The idea of staying in bed all day sounds more and more appealing by the second. You know this because the alarm is still blaring into the otherwise peaceful morning air.

Just as you’re gathering the strength to sit up and turn the alarm off, Natasha walks in. She looks at her watch and her brow furrows in confusion.

“What are you doing, sleepyhead?” she asks you with a little smirk. There is concern in her eyes, though she masks it well.

You’re both fully aware the alarm has been going off for seven minutes straight now.

“Just tired, love. You know how much work it takes to reach over,” you say in a joking manner, hopeful that you can get past this without worrying her too much.

Natasha eyes you suspiciously for a second before giving in.

“How was your workout?” you ask her sincerely.

As she starts rambling about her morning activities, you feel a sense of shame. You’ve barely managed to wake up in the time it’s taken her to complete a full workout routine. Hell, you couldn’t even find it in you to turn the alarm off.

You finally focus on her rant as it comes to an end. Natasha is looking at you expectantly. Shit. She’s asked you a question.

“Huh?” you grunt.

She chuckles before answering, “I asked if you were ever going to get up and get in the shower, stinky.”

You put on a fake smile but fail to meet her eyes, the shame eating you up. It has been a few days since your last shower, but it’s just so hard to find the strength and energy to get up and stand in one place for more than a minute or two.

If Natasha notices the far away look in your eyes and the grimace on your mouth, she doesn’t say anything.

After one of the quickest and most unproductive showers you’ve ever taken, you find Natasha waiting for you in the kitchen. She’s taken it upon herself to make breakfast for you both.

You kiss her cheek and thank her as you sit down at the table. The warm cup of coffee she sets down in front of you is a godsend. The warmth emitting from the cup helps to diminish the pain in your knuckles, if only slightly. You send up a silent prayer to whomever might be listening that the caffeine will help with the fatigue today instead of making you sick.

Natasha sits down in the chair next to you with her own plate. She runs her eyes over you in a scrutinizing manner. She wants to think you don’t notice, but you do.

Clearing your throat in hopes to take her focus off you, you ask about her plans for the day.

“Oh, you know, mostly just busy work. I have a ton of paperwork to get through,” she tells you through an exaggerated sigh. “What about you?”

The list of chores screams at you again. “Mostly just some things around the house. Grocery shopping, laundry, boring shit like that.”

Natasha hums around a sip of her coffee. It surprised you just how much cream and sugar she takes in hers. It’s just one of the many unpredictable things about her that made you fall in love.

“Super exciting. I hate to miss out,” she teases you.

You crack a smile to appease her. Inside, though, you realize just how little she understands. These errands seem so simple to her, when to you, they are the most daunting of tasks.

You’re brought out of your thoughts by Natasha standing up to take her plate to the sink. She comes back to kiss your cheek and let you know she’s going to go get ready, before walking out of the room.

You suspect the amount of housework you’ll get done today will be minimal, so you decide to at least make Natasha some lunch. Maybe it will lessen the disappointment she feels when she comes home to see everything exactly as it was when she left, you think.

Your plan is halted as you’re making her sandwich. The stupid cover on the peanut butter jar is stuck. You can’t open it for the life of you. The guilt comes in like a tidal wave. You can’t even do something as simple as make lunch for her, your brain supplies for you.

Natasha returns from getting ready to see you standing in the kitchen with a glare on your tired face.

“What’d the peanut butter do to you this time,” she jokes.

“I can’t.” Tears well up in your eyes.

She comes up to wrap you in a hug from behind. She softly asks, “What can’t you do?”

“I can’t open the jar,” you mutter softly, feeling overwhelmingly embarrassed.

“It’s okay, love. Let me help,” she tells you delicately before kissing the spot under your ear. She can tell this is affecting you more than usual and wishes for nothing more than to be able to take away your distress.

You mutter a thank you before continuing to make her sandwich. You pack everything into a bag and write a small note to finish it off. You know Natasha loves the little messages you leave her periodically, and nothing will stop you from trying to make her as happy as you can.

Goodbyes are said as you both wander closer to the door. Natasha makes sure to hold you longer and tighter than usual. You don’t comment on that.

The silence that encompasses the room as soon as the love of your life leaves is suffocating. You can feel the exhaustion from purely getting up and getting ready creeping up on you. Logically, you know that you shouldn’t overexert yourself, but the shame is eating you up. Already on a roll, might as well keep on going, you think to yourself.

You go back to your mental to-do list and debate what to start with. The grocery store doesn’t sound terrible. Some sun would do you some good. It’s been a few days since you’ve seen the world that exists outside of your house.

Wandering back to the bedroom to get your phone and shoes, you try to push the fatigue from your mind. In your attempt to block out the tiredness, you fail to recognize the ever-present pain in your joints increasing. It’s only when you sit down and bend over to put your shoes on that you register the feeling. Your hips ache severely; so much so, that you can’t hold your position long enough to get your shoe on your foot.

This seems to be the straw that breaks the camel’s back, seeing as you immediately burst into tears. The pain mixed with your inability to do basic, everyday activities completely overwhelms you as you break down.

There’s absolutely no chance that you’re going to complete this task, let alone all the other ones on your list. You let out a sigh as you stand up and shuffle to your room, phone and shoes forgotten in the living room.

You let the weight of your emotions crush you as you climb into bed and under the covers, your wife’s pillow clutched closely to your chest.

Your tears cease to stop, even as you succumb to the sleep you so desperately wished to hold onto this morning.

- - -

Natasha comes home to an eerily silent house. On any typical day, she would come home to the noise of your favorite show or music softly playing, whether it be from a speaker or from your guitar. Your shared house consistently was filled with life and sound. It was one of her favorite parts of her day; coming home to you in your own element, laughing or singing. You are her home.

This newfound silence has her exceptionally worried. Even on your bad days, there was at least a laugh track coming from the TV or the smell of hot chocolate coming from the kitchen. Now, there’s absolutely nothing. For a split second, Natasha thinks that you may never have come back from the grocery. Her heart rate spikes. The sight of your phone on the coffee table and your shoes strewn haphazardly on the floor puts those worries to rest.

“Darling?” she calls from the entryway. There is no response. She carefully removes her boots and coat before moving through every room in the house, calling out for you softly in each.

She makes her way to the bedroom, lightly knocking on the door as she lets herself in. She sees the rise and fall of your chest and is filled with a sense of relief she didn't know she needed.

"Love? Are you awake?"

You grumble out an answer that could be understood as a 'yes'.

Natasha carefully sits down on the side of the bed that you are facing.

"Can you tell me what's going on?" she requests softly, in fear of upsetting the quiet environment of the bedroom and making things worse.

The tears that started up again when you wife called out the first time get even heavier somehow.

"Oh love, come here."

She carefully gathers you in her arms and rests your head on her chest.

"Does this have anything to do with the peanut butter jar this morning?"

You nod. One of your favorite things about your wife is her ability to observe and understand what you're going through.

"I just can't do anything today. Everything hurts and I'm so, so tired," you whisper, followed by a heartbreaking sob.

"It's okay love. Please don't cry," Natasha whispers back.

"But it's not! It's not okay!" You sit up from her chest to let out your rant. "You've done so much today and I could barely wake up. You work so hard and I should be able to do stuff around the house so you can come home and not have to worry about anything," you finish with a sigh.

Your wife puts her hand under your chin, forcing you to look in her direction. "Love, look at me. Believe me when I say that I don't care about the state of the laundry or if the pantry has been stocked. All I care about is you. All I want is for you to be okay. It's killing me that you feel like this and I can't do anything to take it away from you. What I can do, though, is tell you just how proud I am of you. You are the strongest person I know, and I work with the Avengers."

You giggled at that. Natasha smiles at your small second of happiness.

"Are you sure? Because I was going to get so much done today and I was trying to-"

Natasha cuts you off with a soft kiss.

"My love. Listen to me. All I care about is your health and happiness. If staying in bed and catching up on sleep is what you needed today, then that's all I expect from you. I never want you to hurt yourself trying to do more than you can. We all have limits. It’s okay to need a break some days. I love you and I am so very, very proud of you."

With a long look into her eyes, all you find is love and adoration directed towards you. There's no disgust or disappointment as you had anticipated.

"I love you too," you utter quietly.

Natasha smiles and leaves a long kiss on your forehead. "What if we got some pain killers and some food in you? We can even put on your favorite movie. Does that sound good?"

You nod. Natasha gets up to get you some medicine and to order some food, while you get your favorite movie loaded on the TV.

Later that night, when both your stomachs are full and your wife is obnoxiously singing along to the songs in the movie just to make you laugh, you realize just how loved you are.

You don't know how tomorrow will treat you, or the day after that. What you do know, however, is that Natasha will always be there to support and love you. Your pain level and ability to function is always an uncertainty, but your wife's love will never be.

- - -

A/N: as always, i try to keep it gender neutral. if you find a mistake, please let me know! feedback is appreciated! to all my chronic illness buddies out there: i love you, you've got this :)

taglist: @007giu

[levi-supreme]

For Thirsty Thursday, may i have 47 with Erwin please? 🥺 Because thats my life rn.

And maybe it *accidentally* leads to 99? 💀

Mrs Smith, oh Mrs Smith... Ask and you shall receive!! Also, I may or may not have been thinking of that Erwin birthday art you did...

Characters: Erwin x fem!reader

Warnings: SFW with suggestive ending. Some size kink (reader is smaller sized than Erwin). Making out.

47: ''I've had a terrible day at work so just kiss me'' // 99: Hungry kisses and ripped apart clothes

6 pm, and your meetings haven't ended. You were supposed to end work two hours ago, but thanks to your boss for assigning you to yet another major project, you had to stay in the office for endless meetings and talking to various clients. You haven't had lunch, and the weather was terrible. You wanted nothing more than to go home to your husband.

7 pm, and a message from your husband came. "Are you reaching home soon? I bought us dinner" was all it said. Your meeting showed no signs of ending yet. You clutched your queasy stomach and stared at the clock on the wall, wondering just how long more do you have to be stuck in your office.

8 pm, and you could finally leave. You grabbed your bag and made your way home as quick as you can. You were tired and hungry, the weather was still horrid and your energy level depleted. "Should I run you a bath?" your husband asked. "Nope, sweetheart. I need something else."

9 pm, and you busted through the front door to your apartment. Kicking off your shoes, you saw your husband sitting by the dining table reading the newspaper. He had already taken a shower and was only in his sweatpants. His eyes lit up when he heard your return, giving you a smile before standing up. You impatiently threw your bag somewhere on the couch and ran towards him, hugging him tightly with no intention of letting go.

"Bad day, my dear?" Erwin chuckled, using his hand to smoothen out your hair while the other held your waist. You sighed contently as the feeling of his warm body enveloped you, the scent of his aftershave clouding your mind. You laced your hands around his neck and Erwin leaned his forehead against yours.

"I had a terrible day at work," you mumbled and inch your lips closer to his. "So just kiss me and make it better." Before Erwin could even react, you took his lips by surprise and pulled him closer to you. Erwin was taken aback but kissed you nonetheless. Tightening his hold around your waist, Erwin's free hand gently cupped your head, lacing his fingers through your hair. The kiss was nothing short of passion and urgency as your tongues started battling for dominance, and Erwin refused to back down and let his cute little wife take the lead. Your hands slipped into his sweatpants, palming his semi-hard erection. Giving it a few tugs, Erwin growled into the kiss and backed you up against the wall. Easily lifting you up with one hand, Erwin's voice was breathy as he spoke next to your ear:

"You choose. The bed, or here?"

Buttons flew across the wooden floor as Erwin harshly ripped open your blouse, the flimsy fabric giving way to his strength easily. Erwin's large hand caressed your clothed chest, roughly massaging your heaving breast. A sob left your lips as Erwin broke the kiss and bit down on your neck, his supporting hand squeezing your ass.

"A-anywhere, just make me feel b-better," you dumbly respond, all prior thoughts and desires gone out of your mind. Clutching onto his bare shoulders, Erwin gave you another smile before walking back to the bedroom while carrying you with one arm still, kissing you on your exposed clavicle.

"Oh, you know I will, sweetheart," was the last thing Erwin said before dropping you on the bed unceremoniously and impatiently pulling your bottoms off you.

Thirsty Thursday: A 100 Different Kisses

[moved-danganronpamess]

Just give me Fuyuhiko, the baby needs some love.

GUESS WHO'S BACK

BACK AGAIN

Me beech, ayo wassup- :D

I!! Love!! Fuyuhiko!! I saw this in our inbox while I was on break and went "✨SNATCH✨" because I adore him to bits. He's like- my favorite character in the series and I- I simp for him so much- no words can describe how much I love him. I genuinely couldn't wait to write this because I constantly have Fuyuhiko brain rot, so get ready for me to ramble. I have like- a lot of ideas so this may be a bit unorganized or all over the place. This one's for my fellow Fuyuhiko simps!!

A bit of a warning for a curse word or two. This is Fuyu afterall-

Hope you enjoy this, my buttercup!

- 🌺💖Mod Rantaro💖🌺

Fluffy Fuyuhiko HCs!

AYO time for me to simp-

I feel like he's someone who needs time to get used to physical affection, but when he does get used to it, he genuinely craves and adores it.

Because I would imagine he's extremely touch-starved. I mean, his childhood consisted of him almost dying because of his parents' fighting, so I wouldn't think that they were very affectionate or loving towards him or Natsumi.

Like- like sometimes, when he wants cuddles, but you're busy or something, he just clings to you. Doesn't say a word, and if you point it out, he denies it.

"Fuyu, what are you doing?"

"Nothing. I don’t know what you’re talking about."

While you literally can't move because he's holding onto you.

If he was a cat he’d be one of those cats that deliberately sits on your keyboard and doesn’t move until you give him head scratches or something.

I also like to imagine that Fuyuhiko has freckles on his shoulders and arms, maybe a few on his hands.

Why? Freckles are cute damMIT-

And when you're cuddling, you're constantly tracing your fingers over his freckles, like you're trying to count them. Whether it be caressing his face or his shoulders, he just- melts on the spot. It's really sweet to him, even if he'll never admit it.

I also think he’s easy to gross out, but by like... Regularly gross things, I guess?

Like my guy sees a dead body and turns a blind eye but if you blow a spitball at him he’s freaking out over it.

“eW IS THAT A SPITBALL?! HOW FUCKING OLD ARE YOU-” 

He has big mom friend energy and nobody can change my mind. I can see Nagito constantly getting paper cuts and Fuyuhiko always having bandages on him because of that.

Or fixing Kaz’s clothes because he always looks disheveled in some way, to the point of Kazuichi not even questioning it anymore after a while.

But he’ll act like he’s annoyed. You know, he’s gotta keep his tough persona. Even if he’s genuinely worried for his dumb friends.

Anyways stan mom friend Fuyu-

Back to the relationship stuff sorry for going off track um- 

He always blushes whenever you kiss. Whether it be your first or millionth kiss, he's bright pink.

And at first his kisses were very gentle, mostly because he held himself back a lot. He was afraid he'll hurt you, but with time and reassurance, he became a lot more passionate.

Also sQUISH HIS CHEEKS, PLEASE.

They're so soft and hdbddh🥺💕

*mod rantaro simping noises*

He may try to bat your hands away and get embarrassed, but it's all worth it.

And he? Doesn't hate it?? He actually thinks it's lowkey cute???

But again, mr boss baby over here would never admit it.

I’m sorry but my cat keeps batting my goddamn face with his tail like sIR CAN YOU STOP

If you call him handsome he malfunctions.

Like ok he's used to being called cute and yet barely handles it- you tell him he's handsome and his brain goes "MARRIAGE RN💍🧎🏼‍♂️" because it's just?? So domestic and precious and he just goes soft??? Mans ready to give you a ring, gIVE HIM YOUR FINGIE-

Fuyuhiko honestly hates the fact that he’s actually SO cheesy.

He just wants a warm, loving relationship that will last forever. He wants to get married, grow old with you, maybe have kids if you’re up for it. But if you don’t want human babies, animal babies are fine too!

Speaking of animal babies, cats gravitate towards him for some reason. It’s like he’s a cat magnet. If you ever go to a cat cafe the kitties will just be all over him and completely ignore everyone else.

Me too random cats I put in here, me too

Maybe it’s because he doesn’t smother them or go out of his way to pet them. Who knows-

He really likes to sleep in with you, or just stay in bed all day.

You’re so warm... He just wants to be in your arms.

Please kiss the scar on his eye by the way. He may or may not tear up a little.

Even with you knowing what he’s done in the past, you still adore him, and always will. And he can’t thank you enough for that.

Also, lowkey won't admit he likes being the little spoon. The feeling of being protected and cared for by the one you love most, it's just,,, heaven to him,,

Totally not me just projecting because I wanna hold him um

He buys you a lot of stuff. I would imagine that before you started dating, he would always give you something on Valentine's Day and then brush it off as him "not wanting to hear you complain about not getting anything all day".

If you got him something in return he's extremely flustered, but says something along the lines of ",,, not like I wanted any of this stupid shit from you but ok" while on the inside he's just "GEHDGDJDBDN🥺💕💗💘💝💓💕🥺💗💘"

Don't let his tsundere self fool you, he is literally the definition of whipped.

*chav accent* AYO LUVS✋😩 Been a while, huh? I'm still not in tippy-top shape but I'm doing... Relatively ok! I'm glad to be back though, I missed you all a bunch!

Make sure to drink some water, take any meds you may need to, and maybe eat some fruit or candy! Lotsa love from me, my buttercup baby! <3

[bansheeoftheforest]

Heeheehoohoo hello I'm feeling Anger rn so I'm just gonna dump some cute and fun shit here for ur enjoyment and also so that my mind can chill the fuck out for 2 seconds

ANYWAYS I hc that Jekyll and Hyde have ADHD and Autism bc Projection my beloved 💙 so imagine Jekyll in his office focusing so hard on getting one serum just right and he puts the last chemical in and watches carefully and it turns the right color and he just gets SO EXCITED

Like he's fuckin bouncing around and flapping his hands and doing all his happy stims and then someone walks in and he's just like "I DID IT!! I DID IT I DID THE THING, LOOK!!" And he picks up the beaker (a little too violently) and shows it off like it's his most prized possession

Or Hyde just sitting on the kitchen counter while Rachel cooks and he just infodumps about Lucy's latest escapade or the most recent monster attack in east London and he's practically vibrating with energy

Just,,, Neurodivergent Jekyll and Hyde my beloveds,,,,, -💙

Blue I am so sorry this took so long to reply to BUT!! I certainly hope that ze anger inside of you have gotten better and that you are feeling much better now!!! Either way, mmmmmm projecting neurodivergency onto comfort characters my beloved <3

It's quite funny bc I have autism and combined adhd and yet I! Have no idea why that is! I have no idea what makes it so I have those diagnoses so! I'm just projecting my entire self onto my comfort characters and calling it a day <3<3<3<3

Henry being so focused and so happy and being such a perfectionist he is probably working to do the dead of night because he refuses to lose his focus when he is so close to achieving what he wants to. Some of his friends walk in and he is just so happy because he managed to do the thing!!!! And his friends are here!!! So much happy!!!! He is just a bouncing ball of pure happiness and his friends are just trying to get him to go to bed. Henry it's 11pm you need to go to sleep. Henry going to sleep feeling super proud of himself for being productive and making the thing and his friends are proud of him too!!!! He did good!!!! Just... A lil ray of sunshine <3

Rachel giving Hyde his favorite cookies and just watching in pure bliss as Hyde is gesturing so wildly with his hands and swinging his legs, speaking with a mouth full of cookie crumbs as he just... Infodumps 1000 words per second and Rachel barely understands and yet she does her best to listen because Hyde is so happy and calm and relaxed and she loves it. Hyde starting off by telling Rachel about the newest news about Lucy and then somehow he ends up on the topic of deepwater whales or old scottish wives tales he (or Henry, specifically) learned about as a kid and how they don't make sense but what if they do? And Rachel can barely keep up but just listens and contributes to the convo <3

[andypantsx3]

hi there !! i hope you're doing well :) ever since i started reading ur fics i've just been really impressed with how u keep the quality of ur content very consistent. do u take breaks in between writing each fic? i think u mentioned this in a previous post when u talked about editing fics, but i guess i'm wondering how u keep urself from being burnt out/if u get burnt out! i'm going thru a slump rn so i'd be curious to hear about ur experience!

Omg thank you so much!! That is literally so sweet of you to say, much as I doubt the quality is all actually consistent—I'm looking at you, in cinders chapter two.🖕🖕🖕

Also please excuse how long this got, I have a lot of thoughts on this subject in particular!!

Personally yes, I do get burnt out, and I do find it very necessary to take breaks—from writing overall and from a fic if I'm having difficulties with it. In general, I try to write a little bit every day, but that’s not always possible, and there are times when that’s not the right thing to be doing.

If you were following me late last year, you may vaguely be aware that I disappeared for two months straight between December and February. Like, just let the queue run through and did not answer a single ask, post a single original thought, or even look at my ao3 comments. While I was gone I barely wrote a thing. I think at like 1.5 months into it, I started drafting the outline for subtle, but before that, I didn't do shit except focus on my personal life and hang out with my dog.

At that point I was just tired and I thought I could use a little recharging to get excited about writing again. I read a bunch of books and other people's fics, and reread a bunch of my old fave comfort ship fics. That break from my own work really helped me get inspired again. Since then I've been consciously trying to strike a balance between writing all the time and chilling/consuming the things that keep me inspired to write.

When it comes to taking a break from fics, I do that too. My Hawks fic lay low has been ongoing since December of last year, when I normally finish fics in under a month. I actually really love this fic, but I got a little frustrated with some plot holes and then again with the pressure I was putting on myself to characterize him (like, relax, Andie it's a fuckin fanfic) so that's been on hiatus like multiple times even though we're only three chapters in.

I think it was important, though, for me personally to take a step back from it until I had the energy to address the things that I wanted to, and until I was excited to write it again. I'm actually finally working on chapter 4 (!!!), but it really took a long time to let that bad boy marinate, and I hope the fic will be better for it.

And I did that with statistically significant as well. This was more due to my workload at my job at the time, and I worked on this one over the course of five months when prior to that, I had been finishing fics in 1-2 weeks. But slowing down and writing this fic over like ten times the amount of time it took me to write other fics was a really good learning experience for me. It taught me that it's totally fine to step away from a fic for multiple months, and that you can always come back and finish it later.

I think that's also going to be the case with the new Deku fic, and I'm happy I already know it's completely okay to take my time. I'm sure there will be new wrenches that life throws into my path, and I'll have to get hit by those and figure out how to get back up and learn to duck next time lol.

Anyway, I definitely get where you are coming from, and if I've learned anything in the year and a half I have been writing it’s that it's totally normal to hit slumps, be they long or short, fic-specific or related to writing overall. Burn-out/slumps are actually not a big deal at all if you don't psych yourself out about them.

I feel like every time I'm asked advice on anything I say this (but I mean it!!): listen to yourself. You know best what you need. If you don't feel like you have the brain power for writing right now?? You're definitely right, and you should take some time away to chill, just consume things without producing, or do other stuff in life that makes you feel good.

If you're two months into not writing and you get excited about a project outside of the one you abandoned?? There's probably a reason. Work on that instead, and maybe let your enthusiasm for that project remind you of what you liked about the other one you put down.

And if that enthusiasm doesn't return? Then let the damn thing sit until it does. There are literally writers I follow who stepped away from fics for YEARS, only to come back and post a new chapter like half a decade later. They are always, always better for it.

So literally just listen to what you are telling yourself, and ride out the slump however you need to. Please try your best not to feel guilty for it, or think that it is any reflection on you or your work. They're just a natural part of the process, and honestly you will be the better for having had this experience.

[cvastals]

look i kno i said i wasnt gna bring a 6th until i was caught up w replies bt i kno gunner well n therefore felt like he deserved his time to shine in the rp so i beg of u pls plot w him looks at u all like :B

* axel auriant, cis man + he/him | you know gunner paxton, right? they’re twenty-two, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, four years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to bizarre love triangle by new order like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole curling up for days in bed wearing a hello kitty comfort shirt, stuttering in the face of affection, and hand me downs two sizes too big thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is july 31st, so they’re a leo, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( bri, 23, est, they/them )

background.

middle child of the paxton family, cliff being the eldest and wyatt being the youngest :D

they lived at the top of a hill in a trailer in a trailer park neighbourhood in laramie, wyoming so to say the least that fucking sucked for everyone involved

the trailer was so small that all 3 boys ended up sharing a room, gunner and wyatt sharing a bunk bed bc they cldnt fit 3 beds into one room it really was every childs nightmare bt they quickly grew used to it tbh

gunner was always more of an artsy child than invested in sports - though he does enjoy baseball and continued even to this day after their dad made him join SOMETHING in middle school - so he never rly earned their father’s respect, but he was always close with his mom since they had the same calm temperament

(depression/anxiety tw) he also gained a list of mental health issues that their mom had as well, including social anxiety and major depressive disorder

(violence/abuse tw) their father always encouraged pretty volatile behaviour and it caused a lot of physical fights and arguments between the brothers when their dad told them the best way to get over it was to start hurting until someone tapped out, it was just a chaotic and pretty abusive household but no one knew and their mom definitely wasn’t going to say anything about it to their dad

(missing child/kidnapping/anxiety/depression tw)  wyatt went missing on a weekend that their parents were gone because of a trip they won, and things just got worse from there, high school was really rough for gunner, his anxiety grew worse as time went on that no one found wyatt, their dad grew more hostile towards them, cliff left home in the middle of the night never to be seen again (merely leaving a note so that the family didn’t think they had a case of two kidnapped children), and their mom just grew sicker, it was rare that she would ever leave her room and if she did it was in fits of random energy where she would do something spontaneous and completely unnecessary to their house as a way of coping

the two years that gunner was at home after cliff left were pretty brutal and as soon as he could, he was fleeing wyoming and going to school in irving

(internalized homophobia tw)  things are far better now that he’s out of his home situation, but ofc he still has a few personal things he’s working thru; the paxton’s were raised in an incredibly religious household, and he’s got some classic Catholic Guilt going on upon realizing that he’s not jst attracted to women n he avoided talking abt it forever/stayed in the closet fr far too long bt he’s sort of come out now in his own way even tho he does still get a bit nervous talking abt it rly

he’s also ‘dealing’ rn (just pharmaceuticals) which is frankly funny to think abt bc this man is abt as threatening as a care bear bt money is tight all things considering and a librarian job doesn’t rly cover it, and with the amount of meds he’s on, plus incredibly frequent doctor’s visits, needing to pay for extra epi-pens, inhalers, etcs. bills add up so he’s cutting back his meds n selling wht he can spare which is . so unhealthy bt thts life in corporate america baybee!

details.

is literally allergic to everything. grass, cats, most fruits, milk, most nuts, bees, latex, probably more i cnt even keep up w them its pathetic

u can catch him strutting around town w his blinged out epipen holder (aka blinged out w pins of his fav horrors movies) LKSHDGKLHSKLDG

if things cldnt get worse he also has quite intense asthma so he carries an inhaler with him at all times

n to make matters even WORSE he frequently has dizzy spells n bad memory problems bc of all the concussions he’s suffered from (about 8-9 at this point) as well as consistent migraines that can b literally debilitating sometimes

awkward n jst a bit of a Weirdo to b frank like he barely knows how to converse with ppl

didnt have any friends in high school so took the time to teach himself rly weird things, knows a fuck ton of magic tricks, can yodel, juggle, solve a rubix cube with his eyes closed in under 30 seconds, just extremely weird and specific things

can honestly b a bit mean/barbaric to ppl he’s not close w/doesn’t kno - has told ppl to their face before he doesn’t enjoy talking to them bc he has no concept of social constructs/norms

loves 2 film random things at parties, makes him feel more comfortable at them n he makes short films of them all after

going off that fact he did a film internship in nyc during the summer and is trying to find a job in that field

doesn’t realize demisexuality is a thing so he’s never been that fond of sex but has this stigma in his mind that that makes him Broken so he still Tries n it jst doesnt go well tugs my shirt collar

connections.

ppl who r more into under the counter meds than Hard Drugs n buy off him?? probs wld have to kno him some way hes too scared to sell to Random randoms

ppl he went to school w? :D

some friends………. hes awkward bt he means well…………

ppl he has a crush on/unrequited crushes either way wtvr floats ur boat he crushes quite easily but never does anything abt it fr the most part

a mans he wld Risk It All fr (aka a guy tht he actually has a crush on n is Extra Awkward probs a lil mean to bc hes still New to That)

some enemies tbh, he has a temper n he tends to blow up rarely bt it happens n when it does it actually can b quite scary JKSHDGLHSDG

a muse….. mayhaps?? someone he always wants in his film projects

awkward past hook ups/one night stands where one of them cut ties off cuz every time they got together gunner acted like he was embalming a body for a funeral

current hook ups/fwb’s w ppl he’s actually close w/is comfortable w so its nowhere near as bad SDKHSLDGHKLSDGH

Anything u Desire

[groovegalaxxxy5]

The Art School AU nobody asked for

I’ve had this idea for an emercury AU fic kicking around in my head for a while now, but I have so many other projects on my plate rn and nowhere near enough time or energy to write it. So instead I’m just gonna post all the deets in the hopes that one day I’ll be able to come back and actually do something with it.

Emercury Art School AU Summary:

“Emerald Sustrai may have managed to get into the dance program at one of the most prestigious art schools on Remnant, but she has one big issue – after just one year of study, she’s barely managing to stay afloat even with two part-time jobs and her grades have been suffering for it. Fortunately for her, her school offers extra credit to any students who are cast in the school’s yearly exhibition performance.  Unfortunately, this year’s production’s theme is “passion” and the only spot up for audition for sophomores in the dance program is for a couples’ dance performance based on said theme.   

Enter one Mercury Black—a fellow dance student with a reputation unsavory enough to overshadow his considerable talent, and quite possibly the last person on Remnant Emerald would ever want to work with…He also happens to literally be the only other person she can find to pair up with her for the show.  Somehow, improbably, the unlikely duo actually make a pretty good team once they finally start to work out their differences, but as they perfect their routine for the big audition, Emerald finds herself in a whole new predicament: She may have set out to steal the show, but if she’s not careful she might just end up getting her heart stolen in the process...”

So yeah…as you can see, the basic premise is that Em and Merc are classmates at this school for the arts, but both of them are having trouble earning passing marks in this one foundation course they both need to graduate—Emerald because she is completely on her own and has to work a lot to pay for her living expenses and studio fees and stuff even though she has a pretty decent scholarship, and Mercury because he keeps really odd hours and misses class quite a bit for unexplained reasons.  Noticing that she’s struggling even though she is a gifted dancer, one of Emerald’s teachers suggests that she try out for the big show that their school puts on every school year, since anyone who makes the cut receives a bunch of extra credit and each faculty also gives a grant to the students who they judge to have put on one of the top three best performances.  The problem is, there are only a limited number of spots up for audition for each graduating year of each concentration course due to time and resource restraints, and this year’s 2nd year dance spot happens to be billed as a couples’ performance.

Emerald hits up everybody she can think of, but they're all too busy or can't commit to the project for other reasons. Pretty much out of options at that point, she’s just about ready to give up when she has a chance encounter with a classmate, one Mercury Black, after school.  Through some sort of clerical error they managed to book the exact same practice studio for exactly the same time, and since they both really need the extra practice time and neither one is willing to back down, they end up sharing the room for a few hours.  When they do, Emerald is really surprised to find out that Mercury is actually a really talented dancer, she just never noticed before because even though they have some classes together he comes in very irregularly.  After a long, sleepless night contemplating doing something really, really ill-advised, she ends up approaching him at school the next day to propose that they team up and audition for the big show together since they appear to both be failing the same class and need the credit really bad, and to her surprise he agrees rather easily.

Thus, the two of them become reluctant accomplices. However, once they start working out the choreography together, they just can’t seem to see eye-to-eye on anything, which doesn’t bode very well for their performance considering that it’s supposed to embody the show’s theme. Emerald is more of a ballet dancer, while Mercury is more of a street dancer, having started out with breaking and had almost zero classical training before starting school.  After a while (with a lot of practice and a LOT of unsolicited intervention from their nosy friends) our two favorite mayhem children finally start to bond and find some common ground, and naturally, lighthearted romantic hijinks ensue and sparks fly between the unlikely duo as they struggle to cooperate and put together a passionate couples’ dance good enough to get into the final production.

The Supporting Cast:

Em’s peeps -- Cinder (in the class above, sort of her mentor and was the one who encouraged her to apply to school in the first place), Weiss (met in freshman year, in the same ballet, jazz and contemporary classes this year, snarking buddies), Blake (ended up in most of the same classes together this year), Coco (upperclassman in the design course, loves dressing Em in different outfits and often forces her to stand in as a house model for her when she needs to work late into the night to meet a deadline)

Merc’s peeps -- Sun (met in class in freshman year, breaking and sparring buddies), Neptune (met thru Sun, in pop class together this year), Scarlet (ditto), Blake (in a few classes together, waits tables at the same diner where he works), Yang (met at a stunt training camp the Summer of freshmen year, waits tables at the same restaurant, fellow gym rat and occasional sparring partner)

Salem -- Headmistress of the most prestigious arts school on Remnant; has a bitter love-hate (mostly hate) relationship with her ex

Oz -- The headmistress’ ex-husband who runs a very successful Circe du Soleil type show and recruits a lot of his performers from her graduating classes

Glinda -- Chair of the dance department; Contemporary and ballroom dance instructor; is so so weary of her faculty’s incessant bickering

Winter -- Ballet instructor; came up in a rigid traditional Atlesian ballet school and generally looks down on all the other dancing disciplines and their instructors (”What they do can BARELY be described as dancing”); wishes the dance department were as disciplined as the music department

Qrow -- Jazz and tap dance instructor; doesn’t think that what his sister does really counts as actual dancing; jazz hands, rain hands and double dream hands and he’s dead serious about em

Raven -- Acrobatic and contortion instructor; thinks jazz hands look really stupid, just like Qrow and his corny, goofy ass dancing; was actually trained extensively in traditional Mistralian Highlands step dancing from childhood alongside her brother and used to perform internationally before switching disciplines

Tai Yang -- Hip-hop and pop dance instructor; specializes in pop and lock; Raven's ex; constantly catching strays from Qrow and Raven’s feud; just happy to still have a job tbh

Arthur & Tyrian -- Co-chairs of the theater department; Arthur teaches classical acting and Tyrian teaches method acting and they both think the other doesn’t teach “real acting”; somehow their department is actually really popular and all the students love the yearly musical theater production, which is the only time they ever seem to agree on anything

Hazel -- Long-suffering theater production instructor; works really hard to keep things running smoothly in the background despite the department heads' antics; hates the headmistress’s ex with a burning passion

Ironwood -- Chair of the music department; runs his department like a well-oiled machine and has put the fear of god into all his students; has won the national marching band championships seven years running

All the other students are in various departments at their school—e.g. Ruby plays the sax, Yang and Jaune are both acting majors, Oscar plays the cello, Nora and Ren play the tuba and the erhu respectively, Pyrrha is a triple threat etc.

A bunch of random plot points:

-Merc, Em and their friends are all in the same foundation classes together and the two of them start off vaguely aware of one another mostly owing to the fact that all their friends are friends, but they don’t really know each other (…or DO they??? *DUN DUNNN DUNNNNN*)

-Most of the faculty at their school can’t stand each other and the different departments have been engaged in bitter rivalries for years but somehow they all work really well together because at the end of the day they’re all professionals who are good at their jobs

-All of their friends are convinced that they’re secretly dating or hooking up at the very least, because they suddenly start hanging around each other a lot, holing up in the practice studio together until all hours of the night and showing up school at the same time the next morning and are constantly snipping at each other whenever they interact.  Merc’s squad is actually v supportive and (against his wishes) are doing their very best to try and help their boy lay down the mac (Sun: “Hey Merc! Thanks for letting me drive the convertible last weekend!😉👍”) , even though they all generally acknowledge that he’s way out of his league and is headed down the path to utter destruction. Meanwhile, Em’s friends are pretty appalled by her abysmally low standards (Weiss: “Emerald, you’re dating down....WAY down.🙁”) and think that shes going thru some kind of self-destructive phase or something.  They’re convinced she’s about to have her life absolutely ruined by that one smirky fuccboi type from their grade who has super sus habits and “reeks of criminality” (also Weiss).

-Almost everybody including most of his friends are convinced that Mercury is doing something really, really shady for cash on the low because he keeps super odd hours, misses class a lot and is always showing up with all these bizarre, unexplained injuries.  In reality, Em finds out that it’s all because he’s been training as a stunt-man outside of school and works a lot of weird hours at his part-time job so that he can pay off his prosthetics, finance his extra courses and pay for his own living expenses, etc. Although he actually was involved in some serious criminal activity in the past, he’s been trying his best to stay on the straight and narrow ever since he finally cut ties with his scumbag dad, and now just works a lot of nights and weekends as a short order cook at the local greasy spoon.

-Once Mercury realizes that Emerald is like...constantly on the brink of starvation because she’s a destitute vagabond baby but has too much pride to ask for help, he starts subtly bringing her leftovers from work, which she grudgingly accepts (because he owes her for putting him onto the whole extra credit thing, so it’s not really charity...definitely NOT because she is extremely susceptible to offerings of food and her partner also happens to be a surprisingly good cook).  

-Cinder is in the year above them and has known Emerald since they were in the foster system together as kids. She’s a prodigy at ballet and also a very accomplished acrobat and contortionist (as in, like, can easily shoot an arrow into a bullseye with just her feet while her legs are bent backwards all the way over the top of her head and stuff).  At some point she sits in on one of Em and Merc’s rehearsal sessions and ends up dragging the hell out of them both for being way too stiff and exhibiting almost zero chemistry despite the “obnoxiously obvious sexual tension” between them.  She basically ends up barking directions at them until they alter their choreo a bunch and finally start to look somewhat like an actual couple ("For fuck's sake... Lift her like she's the most precious thing you've ever laid eyes on and you're about to make sweet love to her, you idiot, not like she's a frigging sack of potatoes you're bringing home to peel!!!" "This man is supposed to be the moon to your stars...if you don't loosen up and melt into his arms like your soul is on fire, I will flip ALL this shit over and burn this wretched studio to the ground with both of you trapped inside!!!" ), after which things gradually start to get all awkward and messy between them because they start thinking about one another differently.  

-They get into a bunch of compromising situations by virtue of the fact theatre and dance people are just kinda naked  a lot and don’t care.  At various points in the story their friends will walk in on the two of them in some sort of really eyebrow raising situation, get the complete wrong idea  and run away, which in turn makes the two of them start to feel awkward as hell toward each other.

-Coco forces them to wear matching outfits that she made just for their performance.

-Their act ends up being this spicy contemporary couples’ dance that incorporates a lot of elements of acrobatic dance, breaking and ballet, essentially blending together both of their unique dance backgrounds.

 This story idea has absolutely nothing to do with canon and Remnant is a lot like modern-day Earth with some exceptions, so there are no semblances etc. There’s no antagonist; in fact everyone around them is generally supportive and wants them to succeed--the main conflict comes from Emerald and Mercury only having three brain cells between them and not being used to caring about someone else in a lovey-dovey sort of way. I got the idea when I was watching dance videos online and started remembering all those cheesy dance-themed teen movies from the 90’s and early 2000’s.  It’s pretty much just a wholesome little meet-cute/will-they-won’t-they type school romance in that same vein, where Em and Merc are forced to team up out of necessity, start to fall for each other and then have to deal with all the awkwardness that ensues...all with a bunch of help from their extremely eccentric, meddling-ass friends who are all convinced that the two of them are either already dating or about to be and are trying to keep them both from getting their hearts broken lol

 Whew! Guess that’s about it for now...I’d like to try and flesh this one out more and maybe even publish it as a legit fic one day, but first I’ve gotta get back to work on *signal lost*

[melwritesstufff]

Damian crush headcanon

Absolutely nobody asked for this but headcanons and stuff like this help me get a better Understanding of characters. I’ve never written for Dami before and it’s been a bit since i’ve written so this might be a bit bad. Please leave any advice or criticism for me!

You and Dami first met through him being forced to attend school by Bruce. (Bruce wants him to have somewhat of a normal childhood, even if it’s barely a sliver of normality) 

He doesn’t even notice you until you are paired up to do a school project together

He absolutely hates it, and you, at first. He tries to bribe the teacher to let him work alone, but it’s a project that requires a partner. And apparently, you were the only one willing to work with him

So now he’s stuck with you. He decides to just get things over with as fast as he can, telling you he’ll do all the work and you can just piggy-back off of his work and take credit for half of the project

You have some dignity, though, and you weren’t about to let some snobby rich boy push you around like that. Especially after you offered to work with him when nobody else would

So you yell at him persuade Damian to let you work on at least some of the project, despite his whole “I work alone” speech that he seems to give everyone, including teachers.

Finally, he gives in and tells you he’ll work with you

Long story short, after the project, Damian learns that you’re actually a very driven, smart and good person. And for some reason, he finds himself drawn to you

So he ends up hanging around you and inviting you to the manor quite often, although he would never admit that he actually enjoys your presence. Only that you’re “the only person in this whole academy that I can tolerate” - his exact words, btw

While you visit the manor, Dami introduces you to his abundance of pets, and is quite surprised when they all seem to like you. Even Alfred the cat; and he doesn’t like anybody. I mean he’s a cat. But when Alfred rubs on your leg and purrs instantly upon meeting you? Dami can’t help but feel impressed. And he didn’t know it yet, but this was the exact moment he fell for you. And believe me when I say he fell hard.

It takes him quite a while for him to realize his feelings, and even longer to admit it out loud.

His upbringing was not an easy one, and he was taught that such feelings were bad, a sign of weakness. So that’s what he took it as. A weakness. He started pushing you away and only when Dick noticed this and gave him a huge scolding did he stop.

Dick sat him down and forced Dami to talk to him. After doing so, Dick told him that having feelings and emotions wasn’t a weakness, and is often seen as a strength. Bruce, Talia and them may be emotionally stunted, but that doesn’t mean their children have to be stuck in the same loop. Dick hopes you’ll be the one to bring Dami out of that loop.

So Dami starts hanging out with you again, after finally caving in to three straight days of Dicks advice and scoldings

It’s nice, and for a while, he can ignore his feelings. He can ignore how when you look at him his heart races. Or how you’re the most beautiful person he’s ever met. Or how when you talk about the things you're interested in, your eyes light up and your voice gets a bit higher. Or how you’re one of the few people who actually make him feel something. That last one is a big one for him, and it gets pretty hard to ignore sometimes.

So Damian finally admits he has a crush on you, not to you, but to himself. The only problem is he refuses to admit it to you. No matter how many lectures he gets from Dick.

That is, until you see him as Robin.

You had met Robin on a few other occasions, and every time he seemed weirdly familiar. The reason was one you could never put a finger on. Until you saw it.

One time, you had forgotten your backpack in his room. When you went to get it back, you walked into his room to find Damian in full Robin suit. All except for the iconic domino mask.

He completely froze when he saw you. Weren’t you supposed to be gone? On your way back home? Why are you still here? How did he not hear you? He was an ex assassin trained by the best how did he not notice you?

“Uh, I just forgot my backpack.” You broke the awkward silence, grabbed your stuff, then left.

The incident wasn’t brought up again until a few days later when the weekend was over and you were both back at school.

Damian almost bailed, scared on what you would say, what you would do. But, like he always does, Dick butted in and forced Dami to go. So he did, reluctantly though.

Throughout the entire school day, you and Damian ignored each other. Everyone hated it. You hated it because you just learned your best friend was out every night fighting crime and putting himself in danger. Damian hated it because he could lose you, both as a friend and a romantic interest, though he feared losing you as a friend more. He could deal with being rejected romantically but losing you as a friend might just push him over the edge of emotional instability. The rest of your classmates hated it because Damian was acting especially cold to everyone. The energy in every room the two of you were in was suffocating and quite awful. Nobody liked it.

You decide to put a stop to it though, and pull him aside during lunch. Finally deciding on something to say.

Damian thinks you’re going to stop being friends with him, or blackmail him, or something awfully similar. He hated himself for making such an easy slip up. For being so weak as to open up to you. For letting you into his heart.

Those worries and thoughts are put on pause though as, as soon as the two of you are in the privacy of the rich school's huge courtyard, you hug him. You throw your arms around his neck and almost knock him over.

His heart almost breaks as he hears your soft sniffles while you cry into his shoulder.

“Y/n I-“

You cut him off before he could say anything

“Thank god you’re safe! God, Dami, you have no idea how much I’ve worried about you the past few days. Knowing who you are, what you’re doing every night? It was terrifying. It is terrifying. I was so scared something was going to happen to you. I-i just, i..oh god Dami I’m just so glad you even showed up today.” you just burst into tears and this time his heart does break. He felt so guilty for what he did, or really for what he didn’t do. For what he didn’t tell you.

“I… I’m sorry, Habibti. I should have told you I know. I was, I’m just trying to keep you safe. If you knew, it would put you in danger. I just want you to be safe.”

This is the first time you’ve ever heard Damian apologize, and he was surprisingly good at it.

“Don’t you think i worry for your safety too? It’s just, Dami, I’m your best friend. Don’t you trust me?” You broke the hug to look into his eyes, almost trying to look for the truth.

“Of course i trust you, i just-“ you cut him off

“What else have you been hiding from me? Please, just tell me. I need to know, especially if it puts you in danger”

At that moment, Damian knew exactly what he wanted to tell you. He wanted to tell you everything. From his terrible upbringing to his nightly adventures as Robin. So he did. He explained everything, and hearing all those terrible things he was forced to endure was incredibly saddening and it was difficult for you not to just tackle him in a hug. To tell him you were sorry he had to go through all that. To tell him you love him and you’re never going to let anyone else hurt him like that. But you didn’t. You just sat across from him and let him talk. Let him explain everything.

At the end of it all, you were both crying softly. There was a long silence after Damian finished explaining everything. But there was one more thing he needed to say. He already told you everything else, so he might as well tell you this as well.

“There’s one last thing, y/n.”

“I… I’m in love with you. At least, I think I am. I’m still not quite sure what love is but i think i feel it for you. I understand if you don't feel the same. I can just-”

You cut him off with a soft kiss on his lips

It was short, but you could still taste the salty tears that ran down to his lips

“You idiot, of course I feel the same way.”

“Really? But, being with me would put you through so much danger. It’s not safe to be around me, I’m not safe to be around. I’m an assassin, Habibti. You have to understand,”

“I do understand, Dami. And I don't care. You’re worth being in danger for. And I know you would never hurt me or let me get hurt. Assassin or not, you’d never let it happen.”

Then the bell rings and you two have to go back to class, but you make an agreement to meet up after school and go to the mansion.

When you two arrive, Dick is happy to see you both getting along again. And seeing that the two of you are holding hands as you walk in just makes him even more ecstatic.

When Bruce sees the two of you, he smiles. Like an actual genuine smile. He’s proud of his son for breaking the cycle and opening up to someone.

It’s like 4am rn and I’m too tired to wrap this up so i hope y'all enjoyed this. I’ve never written for Damian before so idk if i did him right. Please leave any criticism or advice for me y’all’s have. Thanks so much! Bye bye :)

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #435

from yesterday, don’t feel like updating the answers. :^)

When you get married what do you think you’ll put most of your focus and money into? Uhhh. I really don't know... I mean maybe doing all I can do avoid debt? That's what my parents mostly argued about, and I know financial strain can really affect a couple. I never want that burden. Who in your life causes you the most stress or negative feelings? My damn self. Have you ever had a teacher that also taught your parents? No; my parents didn't grow up here. Wait! I THINK Mom had one of my college professors? I don't recall for sure, and I definitely don't remember who it was. Are you the type of person who seeks out revenge? Nah. Are there any songs that inspire you? Certainly, such as "Life Won't Wait" by Ozzy Osbourne, "Get Up" by Shinedown, and more. How do you feel about celebrities getting involved in politics? Do you think that the celebrity world and the political world should be kept apart? Not at all; everyone has the right to share their opinion and should not feel like it's necessary to censor it. Let them be people with morals and beliefs, too. I'm totally fine with them CHOOSING to be quiet about controversial subjects, but they're more than welcome to share their thoughts on any topic. What is one pro of living where you do, and what is one con? What is a pro and a con of living where you wished you lived? I guess the only real pro (and this is horrible to be the first thought) is that we're under the radar; like, not really a target for terrorism or anything, lol. I'd get kinda nervous if I lived in, like, Washington D.C. or something. We have A LOT of cons: there is NOTHING to do, we're essentially a hub for crime, the scenery is boring and bland as fuck... I could go on for a long time. I'd love to live in many areas in North America, but I'll go with Alaska, since that would absolute RULE. A strong pro would definitely be the cold climate and the sights, but it would definitely be a con to me when that relentless dark era lasts for months on end. I need the sun (from inside anyway, ha ha) sometimes, because it being dark for what, half a year?, would really damage my happiness. What is your favorite episode of your favorite TV show? Referring to Meerkat Manor, it's actually the one where Mozart dies, I think, even though it destroyed my heart. I just think the writer portrayed it as so beautifully tragic, and the clips shown were so pretty. Does having others watch you do things make you uncomfortable? What sorts of things make you extremely uncomfortable if you are watched while doing them? Are there any things that give you confidence to do if you have an audience? ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY. Do NOT watch me on the computer (especially when writing), I literally will not draw if someone's watching (inevitably besides in Art classes, I think Sara is legit the only person who's watched me draw a bit), I really don't like people watching me edit photography, I'm nooot a fan of others seeing me exercise (though I kinda have to suck that up with having a personal trainer), etc. etc. Just don't watch me do anything, lol. I don't know what actually boosts my confidence if I'm being observed. Does someone in your house speak a different language on a regular basis? No. Do you follow or care about any big sports events? Not at all. Are there any activities people normally do together that you prefer doing alone? Hm. I dunno. If you are going somewhere where you’ll have to wait for a while (i.e. a doctor’s office), do you bring something to occupy yourself? My phone, yeah. How long is your favorite song? I checked, and it's almost six minutes. Do you think you’d ever want to be “internet famous”? I'll admit I've somewhat thought about it, only because my career choices are running so dry, and I'd be able to do it alone. However, I've got noooo idea what I'd actually do, and I also don't think I could handle ridicule or anything like that for any reason. Having a spotlight on me would stress me out. Who was the main cook of your Thanksgiving meal last year? My older sister. What moment in your life have you been most scared? Probably this one occasion where Dad had to pick my sister and me up from school one day and make the 30-minute drive home. Well. He was clearly in a hellish mood because he was flying. He ran stop signs and red lights, passed people illegally... I was in the passenger's seat and absolutely convinced we were going to crash. I can barely believe we didn't. Who was the last person you slow danced with? -_- Do you prefer headphones or earbuds? Earbuds. I like how they block out external sound better, and they don't hurt my ears like headphones do. What person/people do you trust the most? My mom. Who in your life do you care about more than yourself? My parents, sisters, my nieces and nephew, Sara... A lot of people, if I'm being honest. I don't value my life as much as I should. Which wild animal would you most like to have as a pet? I am DESPERATE to rescue an opossum one day. :''''( What teacher did all the high school boys/girls have a crush on? I have no idea. Have you ever felt seriously violated? No. Do you watch American Horror Story? I adore(d) the first season; it was mine and Jason's "show." We watched most of season two as well, but I lost interest in the later half of it. I haven't really watched it since, save for the pilot episode of some season I forgot. Does your hometown have any urban legends/scary stories? Not to my knowledge. What’s the scariest nightmare you remember having? Something involving my dad that I won't speak about. Pancakes or French toast? Oh my god, French toast. That sounds delicious rn. Are there any apps you’re addicted to? Not addicted, nah. Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? Yes; it was a bunny holding a multicolor polka-dotted blanket. Do you still collect stuffed animals? Hell yeah. Have you ever had eggs cooked over a campfire? No. What colors of mascara have you worn on your lashes? Just black. What font do you usually use? I mean, it depends on what I'm doing. Is it supposed to appear professional? Aesthetically pleasing? It varies too much to answer this with one font. What about font colors? Usually just black, but again, it depends on what I'm writing. Are you good at making graphics or designing layouts? Ha, no. Do you put gel or mousse in your hair? No. Sleep with just one pillow? No, I use two. I am VERY uncomfortable with just one. Ever woke up crying? Yeah, from nightmares. Do you like big dogs or small dogs better? It depends on the breed and their energy level. I don't really prefer one over the other as a general judgment. Are you going to graduate high school on time? I did. Been to the zoo lately? No, but I'd love to go. :/ Now that I'd consider myself at least a pretty decent photographer, I'd love to see what shots I could take. I LOVE photographing animals with how unpredictable they are. It's like playing the lottery; you really don't know what you're going to get, but you have the chance for seriously priceless moments. Even if we could afford the trip, though, I know I wouldn't last long whatsoever with my legs being as weak as gelatine. I know especially that there's a notable incline in the path, and I'd never make it up it. I really, really look forward to the day where I can really start feeling a difference in my body thanks to the gym. Have you ever been to Mississippi? No. What did you do for your last birthday? We went to The Cheesecake Factory. Do you like to cook? No. What is the worst thing that has happened to you in your entire life? If I'm looking at the big picture and what truly damaged my pleasure in life the most, it'd be developing depression and such intense anxiety. I've given up so much and changed so negatively because of it. Do you know when your next family reunion will be? We've never had one. My family is too spread out. What is your favorite thing to do with your significant other? I'm single, but even in a relationship, I love playing video games together. I've got multiple memories of just having a great time doing that. Where is “home” for you? Wherever Mom is. Is there an animal that creeps you out? Whale sharks, maggots and other bug larvae, centipedes, many beetles, and some other bugs. What is the name of the last band you discovered? Uhhh.. good question. I admittedly don't listen to new music a lot. I tend to stick to the stuff I know. Do you prefer group projects, or would you prefer to work alone? I would rather kick my ankle against a Razer scooter than do a group project. Have you ever been to Hooters? No. Do you have a brother? What’s his name? Yeah, Robert, but everyone calls him "Bobby." Have you ever thought that your life was so bad you wanted to give up? About a billion times. I still do sometimes. Do you have a ceiling fan located in your bedroom? Yes. Have you ever been in a lighthouse? No, but I was supposed to visit one in the fourth grade. The water was way too aggressive that day, though, so we had a change of plans and went to a closer island. Hell, it might have been the better option, because it had horses. I remember collecting seashells, too, and just watching the power of the ocean hammer at the shores. It was really pretty. Have you ever been bitten by an animal? Only playfully, like by a cat. Well wait, I think my old baby iguana may have bitten me once (he sure tried to, ha ha), but I don't remember for sure. Did it rain today? Yes. It rains pretty much every afternoon here in the late summer. What was the name of the last dog you pet? Zeke, my sister's German shepherd. He's adorable. Has your luggage ever been lost at the airport? Did you get it back? No. Do you have certain friends that you hug every time you see them? I pretty much always hug my friends when I see them. I'm a big hugger. Have you ever witnessed a tornado? No, thank the fucking Lord. Who is your favorite person to talk to when you’re down? Sara. What are you listening to right now? "Blood For Blood" by Powerwolf. Can you get over people easy? Hell no. I do NOT handle loss well AT ALL. And not just romantically. What was the last thing you carried to your room? A drink. Do you drink water that comes from your sink? Only once it's been filtered. Have you ever prank called the police? That is fucking awful. No. What’s your LEAST favorite smiley? XD looks so stupid to me I'm sorry lmao xD reigns supreme. Do you like Italian food? Yeah, more than I used to. Have you ever put red lipstick on just to make lip marks on something? No. Do you watch Shane Dawson on YouTube? Isn't his career pretty much toast now? I DID used to love his videos, though. I still occasionally watch his fiance, though, and he pops up sometimes. Regardless of everything, I still think he's funny as fuck. Would you ever spend a day to see what it’s like to be homeless? NOOOOOOO NO NO NO NO. I am TERRIFIED of living on the streets someday. I want NO idea what it's like. Is the house you’re currently living in over 50 years old? I highly doubt that. Have you ever had a yard sale? Many. What is your favorite color? Baby pink. Did you have a good day or a bad day? Today was extreeeemely dull and felt like it lasted eons. Do you know anyone that has/had cancer? I sadly know maaaaany. Have you ever read somebody else’s diary? No, that is incredibly rude. Do you enjoy going to school? I hated it from start to end. Like I have good memories, but overall, I hated school. Were you a big jump roper back in the day? OHHHH YES. I almost learned how to double-dutch, even. I could jump with two ropes, but not jump in with two. Are you a local celebrity? Definitely not. Do you eat candy daily? No. I'm already fat dude, I don't need candy. I avoid candy as best as I can. Do you get nervous with public speaking? Like you would not believe. How old were you when you got your driver's license (if you have it)? I'm 25 and still don't have it. Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you? Yes. What memory are you most afraid of losing? Meh, I don't know. A lot of what I consider my "favorite" memories I'd honestly be better off losing, probably. Who accompanied you to your first concert? My mom, younger sister, and Jason. Would you rather have tickets to see your favorite band in concert, or $100 to go shopping? TAKE ME TO THE OZZY CONCERT. What do you usually eat for breakfast? It really varies. I'd say cereal most often, probably? Do you wish you were more outgoing? Yeah. Do you know anyone who wears a hearing aid? I don't think so?