#i can cope with a matter-of-fact 'you okay?' in a normal tone of voice

[trans-cuchulainn]

also what is wrong with me that when people try and be gentle-sympathetic when i'm in grumpy pain overwhelm shutdown mode i just want to hit something

"are you okay? ❤" no i'm filled with murderous rage, stop being soft-nice to me before i break something

[thefamilyeldritchabomination]

Chapter Fourteen: Mr. Pinstripe Suit Pt. 7

 “Envy, just how fast can you run?” Freddy looked at Envy as they made a massive progress on the monster proportioned parfait.

 “Oh Face Fur, I can easily outrun you if you tried to run from me with plenty more of asskicking in store should that be the case.” Envy glared at Freddy, thinking Freddy was about to dine and dash on them.

 “Bitch that’s not it, I’m asking cause when you have to pose as me, you are going to want to run fast when my rage filled Lobster Man Father comes to town, he’s going to break out the damn pinchers.” Freddy's voice shook in fear for Envy’s own wellbeing at this point as he tried to convey JUST how bad the situation was. 

 “What exactly do you mean the pinchers are coming out?” Envy for a change didn’t attempt to attack Freddy for calling them a ‘bitch’ as they monitored their favorite Face Fur to torment.

 “Fun fact, Joel can break a tree in half with his bare hands alone, that’s why we call them Joel’s pinchers. Thankfully you’ll be disguised as Freddy, so it’ll likely be a shrill screaming fit and possibly getting cut off from the family account for a few months. However, if you’re in this disguise or come in front of him as yourself, you’re going to want to run. He’ll come at you with something worse than the lamp post.” Dolly explained calmly as she shared her peppermint stick sundae with Dorian.

 “The hell did you do to these humans to make them so insane?” Envy nearly choked on their parfait after being given that explanation of what to expect should Joel show up. “The Witch Hunts back in the day traumatized everyone, so I think that was the main culprit. Though, it would be very KIND of you if you’d just tell my Dad you were the one to order that travesty of a dessert so I won’t lose my access to the family account.” Freddy chimed in as he ate his strawberry ice cream slowly as he hoped Envy would be in their horrid gremlin form just so he can see Envy run from a Lobster Man.

 “Okay Face Fur, have it your way, I’ll be myself and tell your mutant father that I ordered the parfait. I’m not afraid of some little human that happens to turn red when angry.” Envy glowered from their half way devoured parfait. 

 “Lust, I’m hungry, when can I go get something to eat?” Gluttony asked before resorting to his coping mechanism of chewing on his knuckles.

 “Aww don’t fret buddy, I’ll be taking you to the morgue after this. It’ll be like an all you can eat buffet there!” Envy had a smug look to their face after fully recovering from their moment of shock. 

 “I’ll be sure to distract Joel then to give you a proper running head start then Envy.” Dolly offered as she enjoyed her sundae with Dorian. “Whatever, at least my blood isn’t going to be the flavor of marzipan from the sugar intake you’re having.” Envy smirked as they finished the parfait of forlorn and sat back to relax. “I dunno, I think I’ve flown past the marzipan flavoring and straight into the buttercream instead.” Dolly mused a bit, causing Envy to chuckle at the comeback that was given.

 “Envy, you’re one to talk with that beastly sized parfait you demolished in one sitting.” Freddy rolled his eyes a bit at Envy’s little commentary.

 “Shapeshifting burns a lot of calories, you really need to keep up with the details there Face Fur.”  Envy retorted with a snort before just relaxing, not even taking the horrors of Joel seriously.

 Sitting smugly and content, Envy felt like they had won. Sure they didn’t get to murder their bastard father and would have to face some supposed lobster-human hybrid, but that didn’t matter to Envy. They got Dolly and Dorian back without having to spend a lot of energy or man power, that was the two only things that mattered to Envy. Around the table, Lust had been comforting a hungry Gluttony while Hughes had returned to his normal skin tone, enjoying some ice cream to cool his body down. Freddy, smug about throwing Envy under the tracks, was giving concern looks from Dolly, still very much worried about the potential fallout that’ll likely come after the parfait. It was just a silly little matter in Envy’s eyes, a human couldn’t possibly be a threat to a mighty homunculus like Envy, so why even worry? Though Envy wouldn’t admit it, at that moment, they wondered if this was what it was like having a family to call their own. Though, Freddy was basically the annoying family pet in the whole hierarchy in Envy’s mind for this family dynamic. The good feeling didn’t last though as the odd yet painful feeling returned when they looked at Hughes who had joined Lust in comforting Gluttony. If having a group to call their family was supposed to feel good, then why did it hurt so badly when Hughes was there? 

=======================================================================

 It had been a week since the survivors of Tir Na Nog had settled living in a cave after arriving in Xing. To them, the thought of having to pay to live in a house was an absolutely dystopian nightmare in their eyes after being brought up in a free housing society. The soft hums and twirls of the salvaged equipment sang inside of the cave as Tinne clanked his forging hammer against the heated metal. They were orders by Cuilleann, who sat by the campfire with Muin as a bodyguard outside of the cave, displeased with the entire scenario that had befallen her kind. Victoria, Gef, and Ngetal had gone to scavenge for food sources since like the housing, these madmen humans had too expected payment for it as well. Duir and Ruis had been at work maintaining the equipment and monitoring for any signatures from the lost Gort. Cuilleann let out a soft growl of annoyance as there were no signatures of Gort whatsoever and she was growing tired of this waiting game. What sort of queen goes about existing without using magic at all? It angered Cuilleann as she gripped her sword tightly, tempted to heat the metal up to go slash at the waters close by. Muin quietly watched the designated leader with caution, mentally preparing herself to take down Cuilleann if she posed a threat to everyone in the group. 

 “Cuilleann, I’m almost done with the forging the claymore. I don’t understand why that was even necessary in the first place.” Tinne held the in process claymore for Cuilleann to inspect.

 “Any Queen let alone another Dullahan isn’t worth their weight in salt if she can’t fight me in Queen’s combat. I will accept Gort as our Queen if she can best me in combat.” Cuilleann snarled as she twisted her sword in the ground.

“Wait, you think Gort is a Dullahan because of Victoria? Gort’s a Dobhar Chu like Duir and I.” Tinne raised an eyebrow as he checked the sword for the length.

 “Damn it! Is that sword even going to be big enough for Gort to handle then?” Cuilleann looked at the claymore to make sure it’ll be of massive size suitable for a Dobhar Chu.

“This should be the right size, Gort was always on the small side for a Dobhar Chu.” Tinne felt satisfied with the length of the claymore as he went back to the makeshift forge.

 “So I’ll be expecting a six foot tall Dobhar Chu, close to my height then.” Cuilleann felt a bit relieved that the fight will be evenly matched now that the claymore was confirmed to be the correct height for the intended wielder. 

 Tinne shook his head a bit at the response as he went back to work on the claymore. A part of Tinne had hoped that Gort had reached at least the normal short height of six feet rather than the strongly possible fact of Gort being smaller than that. Gort was after all the runt of the entire batch for the Autumn Mist District and was an abnormality for a Dobhar Chu to be so small. Muin lifted her head up as she saw movement in the distance, standing up to get a better view of the returning food scavenging party. Cuilleann let loose a soured face when she noticed that the protein they were to have was just a mere small rabbit. It was completely pitiful to be dining on berries and a small rabbit when Muin took up arms when she noticed a small figure following behind the party. Gef, Victoria, and Ngetal stood still when they saw Muin come charging with the intent of apprehending the threat. It wasn’t much of a fight as Muin, disappointedly lifted up a small human child who was flailing about at suddenly being picked up like that. 

 “Great, we got a larval stage human.” Muin grimaced at the sight of the child who had stopped flailing and started trying to get kicks in before getting held arms length away.

 “Woah, so that’s what a mini human looks like?” Ngetal asked as they looked at the small apprehended human.

 “Muin, we don’t have to hold the human like that, it's rude.” Gef went to take over handling the child from Muin who was more than happy to hand over the little bundle of adolescent rage. 

 “So…Gef you’re better at language, you talk to the little larval human.” Muin decided to leave the handling of the human to Gef, heading back to the campfire, a very alarmed Cuilleann being present at the sudden human intrusion.

 “Fine, but my Xingese is rather rusty.” Gef went to attempt to speak to the child who scrunched his nose up at the really old Xingese being used.

“Do you speak Amestrian? I’m fluent in the Amestrian language.” The child responded, catching everyone off guard with the surprisingly adult vocabulary that came out of his mouth.

 “How delightful, yes, we can speak Amestrian.” Gef switched over to Amestrian, glad that one thing was going to be made easy for him.

 “Gef, I thought it was called English?” Victoria whispered, being caught off guard.

 “Not in this plane of existence it is.” Gef whispered right back.

 “So..are you like the secret band of cannibals that live in the cave?” The child began to ask, eying the cave home situation everyone was living in.

 “No? What gave you the idea about us being cannibals?” Ngetal gave a bit of a perplexed look upon hearing the little accusation. 

 “Cause you have a scary looking lady by the fire.” The child pointed out Cuilleann who was now making her way over to the group.

 “Who is the little meat bag larva you brought into the Liberation Cave of Freedom?” Cuilleann interrogated right away.

 “Lady, that’s a really lame name for a cave.” The child responded, earning an offended gasp by Cuilleann.

 “I’ll have you know that the Liberation Cave of Freedom is a very suitable name compared to your weird human custom of paying to live in a house. We don’t have to pay a dime to exist here and we’re proud of our arrangements.” Cuilleann held her nose up proudly at her supposedly better living situation over the humans.

“If you say so lady, but you do realize that the cave gets flooded during this time of year, right?” The child gives the group of weirdos a look of pity of living in the very easily flooded cave of forlorn.

 “You’re lying, right? All you humans ever do is lie…right?” Cuilleann was taken aback by the revelation that floods were indeed a very real thing and not some boogeyman story told to young aslings into behaving better.

 “Fine by me if you want to live in the cave, but my entire clan has lived here for many centuries and knows what the rain cycle is like here. I can promise you as a fact that the cave is going to flood and it’ll be a spectacularly flooded disaster if you don’t move to higher grounds. If you don’t want to be flooded, I can offer you a place at my home, but you’ll have to serve my family from now on and be part of the Yao Clan.” The child gave off a smile that resembled a smug cat after eating the beloved pet goldfish.

 “Cuilleann, we need the equipment to be undamaged by flood water if we’re to find Gort.” Muin said in a harsh whisper to Cuilleann who was getting hot with anger.

 “You expect me, your acting queen, to lower my standards to serve humans? Are you breathing in the gas fumes?!” Cuilleann shouted in their native language, not thrilled with that prospect.

“Damn it Cuilleann, we are getting offered a proper shelter and better quality food.” Tinne finally put his foot down from within the cave after working at the forge all day.

 “You know what Cuilleann, since you named this stupid cave the Liberation Cave of Freedom, we’re gonna act on that one. Everyone, let’s take a vote!” Ruis threw her arms up after having to listen to Cuilleann’s nonsense for far too long in the week. 

 “I’ll have you know I’ll consider this a mutiny!” Cuilleann protested as the others started to cast their votes.

 “Right, everyone, for leaving the cave to live in a proper house, raise your hands now!” Ruis yelled as she along with the seven others raised their hands to cast their vote.

“Now for Anyone who wants to live in an easily floodable cave, raise your hand!” Ruis smirked as the only hand to be raised was Cuilleann who had a look of displeasure.

 “Alright Cuilleann, the votes are clearly in favor of moving out of the cave. Let’s get the equipment out and ready to move into the new location.” Gef sighed as he ran a hand through his hair.

 “Damn it, where is your pride in being a Fae?! We’re going to be serving this meatbag larva rather than the other way around! This is indignity and disgrace!” Cuilleann protested, but the others brushed her off as they started getting set up for the move.

 “That’s enough Cuilleann! We can’t go back to living like we once used to, we’re going to have to adapt and change accordingly to our new situation. Now, are you going to come with us or stubbornly stay at this cave?” Duir pinched between the bridge of his nose as he felt the migraine coming in from the rather stressful week he had living in a cave.

 “Duir, just so you know, I will be considering this an act of mutiny for a long time, but fine, I’ll come along since you’re my mutinous crew and I have a responsibility for all of you now.” Cuilleann grumbled in frustration from everyone betraying her perceived notion of what dignity they had left.

 “Then I take it you’re all going to join the Yao clan?” The child smiled at the small victory he made that very day and the bettering odds for his clan.

 “Yes my precocious little meat bag larva, we are going to join this clan of yours, HOWEVER, this contract agreement will be terminated once we are able to locate our Queen. Then your clan will be on their own, do we have a contract?” Cuilleann held her hand out to shake upon the arrangement, taking some control back from this unprecedented situation.

 “That’s fine by me, it just means my clan has service for the foreseeable future. However, I’ll be requiring everyone to study the current Xingese language, yours was incredibly outdated.” The child shrugged as they got what he had wanted beforehand and felt rather proud of himself. “You certainly have a lot of cheek from someone so young.” Cuilleann remarked as she glowered at the smug child. “Thanks, I have a very expensive education and private tutors, I get to lay my rights to be as cheeky as I want to be.” The young child just simply grinned as he started leading everyone off to his home.

[rebelwrites]

You Don’t Know Her Like I Did

Jax Teller x Reader 

Text in bold is present day and the rest is memories

Warnings Death

That day would stay with Jax until the day he died. The day his world finally crumbled, the day his life changed forever. The boisterous, loud mouth biker everyone knew had gone and had been replaced with a quiet, lost biker. He remembered the day like it was only yesterday, the one call that broke the untouchable Jackson Teller.

Leaning against his bike, he felt his phone ring for a millionth time. Pulling it out of his pocket he saw all the missed calls from his mom. Hitting call he pulled the phone to his ear whilst he lit a cigarette.

“Mom you know I’m on a run” he sighed.

“I know I’m sorry son but this is important” she sighed, by the tone in his moms voice he knew something was wrong, something had happened.

“What’s wrong?”

“There’s been an accident” Gemma said shakily. “It’s Y/N”

Instantly he felt sick, panic ran through his veins at the thought of his old lady hurt.

“I’m on my way”

Shoving the phone back in his pocket and tossing the half smoked cigarette in the mud he squeezed the throttle, racing home to his baby girl. He was at least two hours away from home yet he managed to get home within the hour, not caring about breaking the speed limits.

His feet pounded the floors of the hospital as he made his way to you. His heart shattered into a million pieces when he saw you laying in the hospital bed, cuts and bruises littering your soft skin. Tubes and wires keeping you breathing.

“What happened” he breathed sitting by your side taking your hand in his.

“A lorry ran a red light” Gemma said her voice barley a whisper. “Jax the doctors are saying it’s not good. We could, she might” she was unable to say the words but he knew what she was saying.

Brushing his fingers over your cheeks, tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Come on princess” he sobbed “just open then beautiful eyes for me. Please”

The only sound in the room was the steady beep of the heart rate monitor that was until the door opened, making Jax glance up to see who was entering the room.

“Sorry Jackie Boy” Chibs sighed “This one wants their daddy”

“Daddy” Harry said squirming in Chib’s arms before he place him on his feet and he ran into Jax’s arms.

Picking his son up, holding him tight in his arms he placed a long kiss on the crown of his head.

“Is mommy going to be okay” He asked as he played with the bullet hanging round Jax’s neck.

“I don’t know buddy” Jax sighed not wanting to lie to the 4 year old. “Mommy isn’t well baby, but no matter what happens I need to remember that she loves you so much”

A couple of hours had passed and nothing had changed.

“Okay Mr Teller, we are going to bring Y/N out of the coma and the rest will be up to her, unfortunately there isn’t much we can do at this stage” The doctor said softly as he did whatever he needed to do to wake you.

Jax watched intently as your eyes fluttered open, one look in them he knew things wasn’t good, the twinkle you normally had, was gone. He knew it was only a matter of time.

“My prince charming” You said, voice horse and not much more than a whisper.

“Mommy” Harry grinned trying to clamber into your arms.

“Buddy be careful with mommy okay” Jax whispered placing your son on the bed, watching as he snuggled into your side.

“Where does it hurt momma” Harry said placing his tiny hand on top of yours “You say kisses make everything better”

Jax thought he had no more tears to shed until Harry spoke.

“I don’t think kisses are going to work this time baby” You whispered using all your strength to hold your son tight, taking in his scent.

You and Jax knew this was the end, your body was shutting down and there wasn’t a thing anyone could do to stop it.

“Jax” You whispered looking at your husband who was trying to squeeze himself onto the tiny hospital bed.

“I know baby I know” He sighed kissing your lips softly, like you was made of glass.

“Look after our baby” You whispered tears streaming down your face as you felt yourself getting weaker. “Look after yourself, raise our son to be an amazing man like you”

“Baby I don’t want to let go” He sobbed into your hair.

“I know but you have to” You sobbed “Just remember I will always love you, you will always be my outlaw prince” Leaning down you placed a kiss on your sons head “my baby boy, I will always love you even when I am not here”

“Momma I love you too” Harry said looking up at your with his big blue eyes full of innocence.

“I love you” You said, your voice getting weaker.

Jax knew what was coming, he knew it was time.

“I love you to baby girl” He sobbed placing one last kiss on your lips, resting his forehead on yours, he watched your eyes close, a smile on your face as the monitor beside you stopped beating constantly and was now just one long beep.

Leaning against the bar, nursing the bottle of Jack, Jax felt a hand on his back. It had been 6 months since the worst day of his life, he had hardly been home, hardly seen his son. Just spent his days at the club.

“Maybe talking to someone will help Jax” Chibs said lowly.

“Don’t really feel like talking” Jax grunted “She’s gone and I feel it might just be too much to bear if I spoke about that day”

After a moment of silence Jax spoke again.

“You’ll never understand, no one will, you don’t know what we’ve been through. That girl’s my best friend and there’s no way you or anyone else is gonna be able to help me. She’s the only one who can and she’s gone” Jax said as hot tears rolled down his cheeks as he held onto his chain that now contained your wedding and engagement ring alongside the bullet. “Chibs, I can’t forget that day, no matter what I do and I feel like I’m drowning in all these memories. Our whole life together is replaying in my head”

The day you walked into the lot of Teller-Morrow, Jax knew his life was gonna change.

“Isn’t that Y/N Y/L/N?” Opie asked making Jax look up. “Yeah man, Jheeze not seen her since we dropped out of school” Jax said wiping his hands on the rag before sauntering over your you.

Jax had the biggest crush on you during his school years yet for some reason never had the balls to ask you out.

“Well I didn’t think I’d see you back in charming darlin’” Jax smirked.

“Fuck me, if it isn’t the famous Jax Teller” you laughed as he gave you a hug.

“But seriously what you doing in charming” Jax nodded offering a cigarette which you accepted, he noticed straight away you wore no wedding band “thought you’d be married to some pompous prick”

“I guess you are half right on that” you laughed pushing smoke out your nose “I dated a pompous prick but all the money in the world wouldn’t make me to go back to that life style. The bastard had an issue with me riding and how I dress so I left his sorry ass”

“Jheeze, guess you can take the girl out of charming but can’t take charming out the girl” Jax smirked “What can we do for ya”

“New tyres for the beast” you laughed nodding your head to the bike parked at your side.

Jax couldn’t help but smile as he watched you catch up with Opie, you had changed a lot since school, and definitely more women now, you wasn’t the skinniest person with your well defined hourglass figure, he couldn’t help himself as his eyes trailed your body, the ripped jeans hugging your curves, the vest stop revealing the perfect amount of cleavage, the battered leather bomber jacket was like a second skin, your hair pulled into a simple pony tail, cigarette hanging out your mouth. Jax was infatuated.

As he walked closer he overheard your conversation with Opie as you sat on top of the bench.

“He just couldn’t handle the fact I’m not who I was in school” you laughed.

Back in the day you were a straight A student Daddy’s little girl" Jax smirked making you roll your eyes.

“Maybe I just want a bad boy” you shrugged smirking as you saw Jax’s breathing hitch.

There was only one person that knew you had always crushed on Jax and that was Opie.

“I’m gonna sort your bike out” he nodded leaving you and Jax alone.

“If you want a bad boy then baby you got it” Jax winked “I’ll take you to the wrong side of the tracks”

After about half an hour Opie tossed your keys to you.

“So what do I owe you” you said pulling a wad of cash out your leather jacket.

“Put you cash away women” Jax laughed putting his arm around your shoulders “I think letting me take you on a date will be enough payment”

“And I can’t cope, it’s another death inside the family. It’s like she stole my way to breathe” Jax said playing with his wedding band. He could tell by the look on Tig’s face what he was going to say so Jax held his hand out stopping the words escaping his lips “Don’t try to tell me it stops hurting, don’t try to tell me she ain’t worth it”

The sound of little feet running along the hard wood floor of the club made Jax look up from the bottle. Reaching down he pulled Harry onto his knee.

“Daddy please don’t cry” Harry said standing on Jax’s knee wiping the tears from his eyes. “Momma wouldn’t want you crying”

“I know baby” Jax sighed kissing Harry’s head

“Are you coming home tonight?” Harry asked as he sat on the bar resting his feet on Jax’s stomach.

“I don’t know buddy” Jax said ruffling his sons hair.

“Pwease daddy” Harry said looking up through his eyelashes at him, tears filling his eyes “I miss momma too but you are never home anymore”

“I’m proud to be in the bad news crowd. The one my mama warned me about. The closest thing to hell she’s ever raised” you winked at Jax as you threw you leg over your bike “you coming baby”

“I’d go anywhere with you” Jax smirked placing his hand on your upper thigh, eyes full of lust.

“Come on then big boy let go bend the law and break some laws” you giggled placing a cigarette between your lips.

“Mmmm there’s other things we could do” Jax smirked running his finger across the top of your boobs.

“Maybe I’d let you do me on your bike” you whispered in his ear biting your lip causing him to growl.

“Grandma said we can order pizza tonight daddy” Harry grinned.

“That’s great” Jax nodded no emotion in his voice.

“Come on Harry” Chibs said picking him up and placing him on the floor. “Go find uncle Hap and annoy him”

As soon as Harry had ran off to find Happy, Chibs places a firm hand on Jax’s shoulder. Squeezing him tight.

“Right you listen here Jackie boy” Chibs said, his tone firm “you have a gorgeous son that’s trying so fucking hard to get his daddy’s attention and you are shutting him out, just like everyone else”

“Come back to me when you lose a wife” Jax scoffed.

“That shit don’t wash with me and you know it” Chibs snapped. Someone needed to be firm with him. “You aren’t the only one that is hurting. Everyday I find Harry just sat on the swing crying. The little lad is trying to be strong for his daddy”

“I swear you two was baptized in dirty water, by the hands of the devil himself, between the banks of a Whiskey River, beside the Highway to Hell” Opie laughed as he passed you and Jax a beer. “You are like the perfect match for each other”

Tonight was a massive celebration for your and Jax engagement, you was currently sat on Jax’s knee, his arm round your waist whilst your arms was tangled in his hair.

“Girl you got an outlaw. Ready to lay down all my guns. A dirty old hound dog. Learning new tricks like cuddlin’ up. You’ve got a hellcat purrin’ like a kitten. You’ve got a sinner down on his knees. It had to be hell on an angel. Lovin’ the devil outta me” Jax’s whispered as he kissed on along your jaw.

“Jax baby, we can’t dip out just yet” you giggled feeling full affect of the weed and whiskey.

“I will be quick” he smirked “promise”

“Fine” you giggled “show me a good time Teller”

“With pleasure princess” he said placing his hands under your ass as he carried you to his dorm room.

“I don’t have to sit here and take this shit” Jax snapped storming out of the club.

He threw his leg over his bike and sped off to the cemetery. The one place his brother wouldn’t nag him, the one place he could think.

Soon enough he was now sat in front of your grave.

“I’ve got too many I care about in this fucking place” jax sighed as he lit a smoke. “Babygirl I’m struggling, I really am. I don’t know what to do”

“It still amazes me even to this day how you got my every flaw, my rebel heart, every tattoo, every scar and still loved the outlaw in me” Jax whispered as a tear rolled down his cheek. “I know everyone is probably thinking I should be moving on with my life right now but right now I can’t, they didn’t know you like it did baby girl, they don’t really know how I’m struggling to live without you, I’ve hardly spent time with Harry and I know if you was here you be kicking my ass right now”

“Thought I’d find you here baby” Gemma said sitting on the grass next to Jax placing a soft kiss on his head.

“How did you do it Ma?” Jax asked tears clouding his vision “how did you carry on after JT died and continued to raise me?”

“I didn’t shut family out baby” she whispered taking his hand on hers “I leant on the club, I know you are hurting baby but you actions are hurting that gorgeous little boy of yours. He asked me today if you always be this sad”

“I don’t know what to do Ma” Jax sighed.

“Take some time off, let Chibs lead the club for a bit and spend some time with your son” she smiled softly “he lost his momma too and needs his daddy so much. I know things may seem dark right now and like there is no way up but the one thing that got me through my grief was you. You was the strength I needed to carry on every day”

“Daddy” a little voice shouted.

“Sorry Gem” Rat sighed panting slightly.

“It’s okay” she nodded.

Harry climbed into Jax’s lap, snuggling into his chest.

“I’m sorry son” he sighed burrying in face into his sons blonde hair “I know I’ve not been a good daddy recently, in fact I’m sorry for a lot of things”

“Daddy I don’t want you to be sad” Harry said placing his tiny hand against Jax’s cheek.

“I know buddy” Jax whispered wrapping his arms around him.

The two of them just sat there not saying anything, Gemma was right, the only way he would start to try and mean his heart was from the love from the 4 year old snuggled into his chest.

[werenotadulting]

Routine Procedure pt. 2 & 3

(Hello friends. Before we continue, a disclaimer. This story is intended for mature, 18+, kink-friendly audiences. This post contains sexual content.

This story may seem, uh, pretty fucked up. The product that caused Mike's incontinence is purely fictional, but the story can still seem plausible within the realm of reality. Which makes the actions of the characters....well, pretty fucked up. I don't want to spoil the story, but I will leave with this.

Aren't we all, in our own way, a little fucked up?

I'd woken up as we turned onto our street.

"Hey sweetie. We're almost home."

"Huh, wh-...where are we?" I blinked a couple times, my eyes adjusting to the light.

She took my hand in hers. "You're in the car, on the way home from the hospital. There's something I need to-"

Suddenly I was wide awake.

"Oh man, I had the weirdest dream. I was in recovery and all the sudden the doctor is going on about how something went wrong, which is crazy, right? Like it was the easiest of surgeries, so it's not like something could ever go wrong."

Kate just stared straight ahead as she pulled into our driveway.

"Let's talk inside."

────────

"You have to remember to check it every couple of hours, Mike. I can do it for you if want me to."

I glared at her.

"Jesus Kate, don't you think I know that? It's bad enough I have to wear this stupid thing, but you don't have to keep reminding me like I'm some kind of child!"

Was I overreacting? Maybe. Did I have every right to be upset about what I'd woken up to in the hospital? Absolutely. Did Kate deserve me taking my anger out on her?

No. She didn't.

I took a deep breath, counting to ten in my head.

"Okay, listen. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you, I just...I feel like my life just got turned upside down. You're only trying to help and....I'm sorry," I finished lamely.

Kate, noticing my shirt had become tucked into the back of my pull-up, pulled it out.

"I understand, Mike," Kate said, looking at me with sympathy. "You didn't ask for this, plus that whole thing with the clause in the paperwork. There's not much we can do but move on and learn to cope." She stood up, smiling at me. "But on the brightside, no medical bills, plus they're offering to cover the cost of whatever supplies you need. I'm going to be here every step of the way, helping you out however you need it."

Despite her positive outlook, I wasn't swayed. "Oh, sure, great." I laid the sarcasm on thick. "I get to spend the rest of my life peeing myself. The brightside is oh so blinding."

"It was a really long day, babe," Kate said, hushing my attitude and moving behind me as she started to rub my shoulders. "What do you say you take a couple of those sleeping pills, zonk out for the night, and see what kind of fresh perspective tomorrow brings, huh?"

Sleep did sound like the only brief respite I was going to get from this hell.

"If you'd like, I can check you during the night to see if it need changed. That way you can just sleep and not have to worry."

"Umm no, it's fine. I just put it on, so it should last me overnight. You'd probably only wake me up anyway. Thank you though," I said, giving her a small smile. "I'm glad at least one of us is handling this well."

────────

It wasn't until around midnight that Mike finally got comfortable enough to sleep. As Kate looked in on him, she could see that he was still a little restless, tossing and turning as if having a bad dream.

For a brief second she had second thoughts, but quickly shoved them aside. No, she wanted this. Mike needed this. She had waited so long. It was for the best. She looked down on him lovingly.

"Sleep well, my sweet boy. I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be just as interesting as today was."

Even when he took sleeping pills, Mike was notoriously a restless sleeper. And she may or may not have poked a couple holes in the pull-up. Mike didn't bother to check, and why should he?

After all, accidents happen.

----------------------

Part 3

Cold.

The first thing that hit me was how cold I was.

That didn't make any sense. I'm in bed, I shouldn't be cold. I grabbed the covers to push them back and immediately realized why I was cold.

The bed, the sheets, the comforter, all of them, were wet.

"Shit."

I saw then why the bed had gotten wet. No. Soaked.

Tossing and turning in my sleep, the pull-up, I presume, had not stayed in place. Meaning the bed had gotten soaked. Meaning I had gotten soaked. Hence...

"Shit."

Kate walked out of the bathroom, her hair wrapped in a towel with a second around her body.

"Hey babe. I had to get up to get cleaned off, because I was covered in...well, yeah. Are you okay?"

I got up and began balling up the sheets and bedspread. "Oh I'm just peachy. I pissed all over myself like a baby last night, so that was fun. I also will continue to piss all over myself no matter what I do, and I'll be stuck doing laundry every day for the rest of my life!"

I threw the bedding on the floor in disgust. Kate took my arm, tenderly, and stopped my tantrum.

"Hey, listen. Strip down, and go take a shower. Take that stupid thing off, get out the loofah, and scrub. I don't want you coming out until you're good and relaxed, you hear me? I'll wash the sheets." As she was saying this, Kate was already moving to take the mattress protector off of the bed.

"No, Kate, stop. You don't have to-"

"Get. In. The. Shower."

"But..."

"NOW!" I can only describe the look she was giving me as domineering. I'd never seen her like this. "Don't make me ask again."

Sheepishly, I began to disrobe.

Kate's voice returned to its normal, caring tone. "Once you're all washed up, meet me in the living room, please. I want to talk to you about something."

────────

Kate was sitting on the couch when I walked out. She pat the cushion next to her, indicating she wanted me to sit down.

"Mike, sweetie. I want you to listen to me without interrupting, okay? And please remember that all I'm saying comes from a place of love and wanting you to be happy," Kate said, her big hazel eyes looking at me imploringly.

"Umm...okay, sure yeah. What's up?" I sat down next to her.

"First, I wanted to reiterate that I understand how frustrated you must be right now. But I don't want to be the target of your outbursts. It's not fair." She paused, looking at me, and I just nodded that I understood.

"Second, I think we both can see that the whole pull-up thing isn't working. I don't want another surprise like last night." Here she stopped again, turning to grab something from behind the couch. She pulled a plastic package out and set it on her lap.

"The hospital gave us these to try if the... if we wanted to try something different," she said, pulling a white rectangle out of the package. It made a rustling sound as she grabbed it.

"Is that a....I am not wearing a diaper!"

"Mike, please, stop. Just listen. You said you wouldn't interrupt." She moved the package back to the floor, keeping the diaper on her lap.

"I'm just asking you to try, for both my sake and yours. Please?"

She didn't continue, so I took that as my cue that I could speak, but I didn't know what to say. I sat in silence, thinking, for what felt like hours.

She had a point. I had slept terribly, which was likely to make me even more irritable. But on the other hand, could I really stand to go through the embarrassment of wearing a diaper? Although I suppose it is preferable to having wet pants. I couldn't imagine the humiliation I would feel if I were to leak all over myself in public.

Finally, I broke the silence.

"I've....I've never had to put on or change a diaper before..." I said finally, hanging my head.

Kate perked up, that smile I loved hinting on her lips.

"I can help with that, babe. Just at first, until you get the hang of it. And if they don't work, we will move on to the next thing, okay?"

"Are you sure d-diapers are the best option?" I had to struggle to get the word out. "How do you know they will help?" I said, unable to take my eyes off of the plastic object on her lap.

"For one, pull-ups are pretty much already diapers. We'd just be changing them even more often."

She picked up the diaper and stood up, pulling me by the hand.

"Second, judging by the fact that I'm going to have to clean that couch cushion, I'd say we need to at least try something."

────────

"Lift up so I can slide this under you."

I obliged, holding my butt up in the air as I lay on the freshly cleaned sheets. I tried to look anywhere but at Kate.

Kate unfolded the diaper, fluffing it slightly. She positioned the diaper under me and I lowered down onto it.

"You know, this doesn't have to be all bad," she said, as she picked up a bottle of baby powder. Why did we even have baby powder? Where did that come from?

"Oh, really? Explain to me what about having my girlfriend change me into a diaper isn't all bad." I continued to stare pointedly at the ceiling.

"For starters," she said, dusting powder on my groin, "there's this." Suddenly, she reached down and began slowly stroking my cock.

"Whuuuuu-oah boy. Um just w-what do you think you're doing?"

"I'm rubbing in the powder, clearly," she said, and I finally looked to see that devilish grin back on her face. "You don't seem to be protesting that...hard," she giggled. "I figured since I'm down here, I might as well make myself useful." Without further preamble, she lowered her mouth and took me inside of it.

"That's..uhhh....o-okay...." I trailed off, lost in a mix of confusion and pleasure. It wasn't long before I was finished, and Kate was sitting back up. She wiped the back of her hand across her mouth and swallowed.

"Wow, you must have enjoyed that, I don't think you've ever cum so quicky."

I was too stunned to speak. My gaze had returned to the ceiling, but I wasn't focused on anything.

Kate started to move again, and I heard that crinkling sound. She pulled the diaper up and taped it snugly in place, securing me into the first of what would soon become my all-too-familiar thick and crinkly underwear.

"So tell me, Mike," she said, patting the front of the diaper as she looked over her handiwork, "was that all bad?"

[shysnowflake]

Hello~ would like to request Xiao X reader which he was on bad day , give cold shoulder and tell them to get lost , then reader just smile sadly . Agreeing his wish and really didnt come meet , how will he fix the situation ? angst abit and fluff at the end please Thank u ~~~~ One shot pls 🙏🙏🍀

“Mistakes”: XIAO X GN! READER

YAY! my first ask, I really hope you like this one and that I meet up with your expectations🥺❤️

btw,any feedback or constructive criticism is welcome✨

““Summary: to hurt is as human as to breathe.””

Certain days are tougher than others,for the Adeptus today were being extremely frustrating, he had met Signora and her men trying to sneak in Lyue,Xiao fulfilled his duty to protect the area,but the woman was much stronger than he'd ever expected, the intense and unknown negative emotions were too much for him to cope with and he felt vulnerable for the first time and like he was not good enough so he decided to just drive those feelings away and not think about it.

{name} were free today so they decided to spend the day in the Inn and give the chief in the kitchen a little hand, the afternoon was fun, a lot of swearing and shouting on the part of the chief, but still fun. Now the Sun was kissing the moon goodbye while they waited patiently for their lover to come back with a warm almond tofu dish they had baked earlier.

When they heard footsteps they went to the balcony and saw Xiao standing there,they take notice that he seemed mad which made them worry about what had happened “welcome back Xiao!” They welcomed him as they stopped next to the man who just nodded, but didn't even look at them, "Did something happen?" Although they knew the answer, they wanted Xiao to tell them because he felt to “nothing that matter to you” {name} were surprised by the sharp tone that the Adeptus had used,it hurt a lot but they tried their best to cheer up the man,even if he didn't want to talk right now they still could try to comfort him “Xiao,I’m sure that whatever happened today it must have been especially hard on you,but don’t worry I'm always here for you when you need-” they said as they tried to reach out for the man’s shoulder but getting their hand slapped away before they could “need you? Why would I ever need a human like you? Do you really thought that you could help me? Don’t say such naive words” Xiao were out of himself,the feeling of being insufficient and not being able to protect his beloved one crossed his mind at the moment and the best choice for him was to push them away,this way they weren't going to get hurt “Leave me alone...{name}” he said in a cold and distance voice as he finally looked at them,but what he saw was somenting that he never even though he would see,{name}were crying but still held a kind and soft smile on their face “I’m sorry,I won’t bother you anymore” they said in a frail and broken voice turning around and leaving.

Xiao was paralyzed,he had made them cry,he had hurt them and he didn't even try to stop them from leaving. The feeling of regret pilling up and leaving a bitter taste in his mouth as his chest felt as it was about to burst,an panic attack,{name} normally would hold him close and help him calm down but this time he were alone,he leaned in the balcony and took deep breaths trying to calm himself down and don't listen to his own thoughts,when a voice called “Xiao? Is everything okay?” it was the inn owner,the Adeptus didn't respond it so she got closer and analyzed the situation,the man were clearly having some sort of panic attack and she had just seen his s/o running off while crying “okay,Xiao focus on my voice,take deep breaths and don’t listen to your thinking,it doesn't matter what they are saying it’s not true or real” she tried to help him using the experience she had from other customers “Verr Goldet... it hurts” the man said and the boss lady were aware that he was referring to the fight with {name} not the physical pain “I’m sure it does,the pain we all feel it’s just another proof that we are alive so use that chance to get yourself together and go fix whatever it is you did before it's too late.” the boss lady of the Inn cared about Xiao a lot and had grown to like {name} just as much,so seeing the state they both were just broke her heart “thank you” and with that he ran off the Inn with his heart calmer searching for his loved one, just before he left, something got his attention, a plate of tofu thrown in the trash at the door, he walked closer and the remorse he felt only intensified but he was determined to get them back and apologize, they were his safe place and had always been there for him but how would he tell them those things?!

It's been two days since the fight and since then, Xiao hadn't seen them, he had searched everywhere and nothing, there was just one spot where he didn't step his foot in the land of Barbatos, Mondstadt. The adeptus was not supposed to leave Lyue,however he went to Zhongli and explained what had happened,the archon felt bad for his guardian so he allowed him to go but he had to come back with  {name},that was Zhongli condition which Xiao accept it and now found himself standing at the great gates of the city of freedom “wait for me,{name}” he thought as he walked into the town. 

Xiao was uncomfortable with the staring he was receiving and even considered going around the roof, but that could get him into trouble, so he just had to endure the whispering while walking in the direction of the headquarters of the knights.

The adeptus knew that you were there since many times you had told him about your best friend being part of the knights,as he entered the building after escaping the guards he heard the voice he had missed so much in the last days “Xiao?” he looked up and saw {name} with a blue pirate looking man standing by their side “{name},can we talk?” he cut the chase because he wanted to leave that place and have a moment with his s/o alone however the knight didn't seem to like that idea “oh? So you are the famous Xiao huh?! I’m Kaeya captain of the knights of favonius-” “I’m not here to talk to you” "Well then I'm sorry to break it to you but {name} is staying right here with me," Kaeya said as he pulled them closer to his body,Xiao was getting angry by the man’s snarky attitude but deep down he understood it “{name},can we please talk?” he asked one more time and before Kaeya could let out another comment {name} responded it “Xiao wait for me at the garden,then we will talk” the adeptus turned without any other word and went to the garden obediently.

“You can’t seriously be considering going” Kaeya said as soon the adeptus left,“look Kaeya,I know you’re mad at him because of how you found me that night but I know that wasn't Xiao that time,and just the fact that he came to Mondstadt when he wasn't supposed to prove how much he regretted it.” {name} was still hurting from those words but they knew that something extremely serious must have happened to Xiao for him to react that way, however they still wanted their questions answered “fine,but if he says or do anything like that again I'm sending him back to Lyue by force” {name} giggles by Kaeya sentence “well then I’m off”. 

When they arrived at the garden, they saw the man standing by the fountain “Xiao” he looked back and got closer to them,he was relieved and glad that they were unharmed but the tired expression and red eyes from crying made him look down in shame from his actions “I’m sorry” that was the first thing he said to them before explained the whole situation with Signora 

“I know it doesn't excuse what I said that night, but if it weren't for you, I'd be so... hollow, when I said that I didn't need you, that was such a huge lie, you're the only person I need! I feel so ashamed for my actions but I still couldn't give up,not on you,so I’m sorry for everything I said.. I’m so sorry” his voice went quiet at the last line but still had the same tone of remorse,Xiao knew the feeling of being left alone and he was scared of going back to that,{name} walked closer to him and cupped his face to make him look up “I'm not asking you to tell me everything Xiao,just rely on me more all right?” they said with a warm smile on their face,Xiao seeing that there was no one around,he gently wrapped his arms around their body pulling them close “I love you..{name}” The sudden confession took them aback because he was definitely not the type to say or do this kind of thing in open spaces, but everything had been so problematic over the last few days that they just wrapped their arms around him and whispered back “I love you too.. Xiao”

[mammons-tax-returns]

"for one muse to kiss the other's scar" w satan pls? 👉🏻👈🏻

masterlist / 600+ followers event

Thank you for your request, anon! No pronouns were specified so I hope you don’t mind masc mc :’)

I kept getting scared that this was getting too lengthy (i have a short ass attention span so ik i cant read long stuff LMAO) so I redid a bunch of parts, i hope it’s not too apparent!

✖️MALE MC✖️

Anything with history is an eye-catcher to Satan.

Just like a good novel, things with meaning and origins deeper than surface level are so much more enjoyable and genuine than things that simply are there. Who says an Avatar of Wrath can’t be poetic?

But it’s often that things with such overwhelming sentiment that Satan feels become an eye sore much quicker than anything else. Some things of personal importance are meant to be remembered, but not belabored to the point of ruin.

He is forced to face this fact today when Lucifer pushes a boundary that may not have even existed before. At any rate, it does now. Skipping past the point of negotiation entirely, Satan now finds himself pacing his room, cursing his brothers name under his hissing breath.

MC patiently watches as Satan goes through his breathing exercises on his own, knowing that if Satan has learned to calm down on his own before, he can do it again. Just being in his room with him is enough.

On the other hand, Satan isn’t too keen on that idea.

Things have become enstranged between him and Lucifer— Even more so. At this point, it’s hard to tell that MC’s help had brought them any closer at all.

The recent fights and arguments continuously end in Satan peering at the long, winding scar wrapping around his wrist and forearm like a ravenous snake. Just its faded presence is enough to make him conflicted.

He received this scar long ago, at least thousands of years ago. From a day that Lucifer got a bit too close to Satan when he was angry.

Maybe that was the day that set the precedent. The precedent that stated that no matter how smart or calm he presents, there will always be some turmoil within him brewing like a storm.

The disappointment and weariness that shows in his own family’s faces when he gets worked up is so evident he wishes he could be anyone else than who he is. Even if just for a day. But isn’t it unfair to only expect chaos from him? Certainly he’s been doing better to keep his anger in check... Right?

Besides... It’s just his nature to be angry. So, maybe... No, he still is held accountable for his actions. He definitely should just—

“Satan? Are you... Are you okay?” MC quietly calls his name from his bed. Perhaps he should have called Satan’s name a little earlier? The demon stood staring at his clothed arm in absolute silence for a number of minutes until now.

Satan’s eyes open a little wider. “Huh..? Oh, I’m sorry. I must have spaced out... How uncharacteristic of me.” He can’t find it in himself to smile, and instead uses his left hand to hold onto his scarred forearm, pushing it aside in hopes to shake off his intrusive thoughts.

“Moreover... I feel like I have calmed down significantly. Thank you for being here MC, but perhaps you’ve been bored out of your mind here.” He gives a firm smile and quickly looks away. “You may leave if you’d like.”

MC doesn’t quite listen to his offer. Satan seemed more tensed than normal when he would have “calmed down”. If he were a danger to be around at that moment, he would have said so, anyways. And if there was any chance of being able to help him before he does something risky, MC would take it.

“Well... It wouldn’t hurt to stay just a bit more, would it?” MC gave him a small smile, in which Satan seemed to become a bit flustered upon seeing.

Satan wonders how to respond. MC was right. And it may just hurt more if Satan is alone with his thoughts. “Oh, MC.” He sighs with unsaid appreciation, then makes his way into bed beside the human, who is still sitting on the edge. “Sometimes I wonder who truly are the angels of the exchange program.”

MC giggles, rolling over so that the two males lay side by side. “I’m no angel, but humans aren’t so bad... Occasionally.”

Satan smiles to let him know that the response was well received. Lord knows how grim his expression was while he was subconsciously considering his past just moments ago.

“But, that aside...” MC turns his head to look at the blonde. “What’s wrong, Satan? I’m not forcing anything out, but I’m thinking I should start to worry.”

Satan could almost laugh at those words. Worry? For him? A demon who embodies fury and unrelenting rage? It’s... A little odd to picture.

“Hmph. Well... Now that I have to put it in words, it seems a bit silly when it really shouldn’t be...”

MC raised a brow. “Based off of how you were glaring at your hands earlier, I doubt that this is about it being silly, and more about you trying to downplay it. But I’d say that’s a rather common coping mechanism.”

Satan felt as if he were see through. A mere glass pane. How could someone see into his mind so well? He had barely gotten into his explanation at all. “Er. I guess you could say that...

“It would appear that the tension... Between Lucifer and I has caused some rather distasteful memories to surface.” Satan mumbles the words as if they would reflect his character poorly. As if they were something to be ashamed of.

MC picks up on this, and a frown deepens his features. “Satan...” He pauses to think about what to say next, “You see, this is the part where I have no idea what to add because you guys have thousands of years of age on me.”

Satan ruffles the male’s hair when he sees the small pout on his lips. “You’ll come to learn that most demons are petty, shallow creatures with personalities about as deep as a puddle,”

Coming to a stop, the Avater of Wrath subconsciously began to pull up his sleeve to reveal the very edge of his scar. However, he hesitates, and his throat tightens just barely.

What in the hell was he doing?

“...” MC can’t look away from Satan’s hands, and it seems that time has stopped for a moment. Even the air that previously entered and exited MC’s nose seized.

Satan suddenly relaxes. It’s just MC. A human that knows all too well that this household could be dangerous and frightening. So he continues to pull up the bit of cloth covering peach skin.

“And sometimes, we tend to give into vainglorious temptations that only end up hurting someone, or everyone.” Satan finishes, voice barely breaking the border between a whisper and mutter. “I suppose I could have gone about pushing Lucifer’s buttons in a smarter way... But I didn’t, unfortunately. So I’m left with this loving scar from my brother.”

MC supresses a gasp, and gently takes hold of Satan’s arm. “It looks like it was super deep... I’m sorry this happened to you Satan.”

Satan watches MC trail his fingers calmingly along the edge of his river-like line along his arm. He rotates his forearm so that he can follow its path all around his arm.

“I appreciate that, MC... But I’m ‘over it’, for lack of better words. You see here, the scars actually make the silhouette of a cat on the untouched skin. It’s rather cute.”

MC laughs at the revelation. It was cute. But as much as he could admire Satan’s turning of an unfortunate event into a moment of entertainment for the two of them, he couldn’t ignore the weary look on Satan’s face.

“Awh... That’s adorable.” MC lightly mocks a babyish tone, and rubs his finger on the head of this imaginary feline. “It’s like a mini Satan cat.” He feels Satan’s shoulder move as he chuckles breathily.

“I value your adoration for my unsightly skin, MC. But if you’re so affectionate to this mere imagery of ‘mini Satan’ , perhaps you could spare a moment or two paying more attention to me.” He’s not sure if Satan means to sound dismayed rather than playful, even through the smile on his lips.

So he decides to gently grab onto Satan’s arm and press his lips against the indented skin on his forearm.

“M-MC-..!” Satan jumps, free hand freezing mid-air. His body heat is rising, and he’s sure MC can feel it.

“You’d better not be talking about Mini Satan like that, Satan.” MC mumbles against his skin. “He’s not unsightly. He’s wonderful and handsome, just like you.”

Satan can’t find a way to respond. Was he supposed to feel his heart squeeze? This seemed too menial of a response from MC for his heart to be racing like this. He simply smiles and shakes his head helplessly.

“Thank you, MC...” He lets out the breath he had been holding in.

Perhaps he could afford to be transparent every once in a while.

[kim-bobbae]

37. “Can I kiss you?”

So I read a prompt on twitter by @kisuckverse with this particular insta story of Jay and it goes:

When you’re friends with Jay but lately he’s been extra clingy to you and kind of giving hints that he likes you, and so you guys go out with your other friends and you ignored him because you don’t want your other friends to notice the tension between the two of you but then it pissed him off seeing you having fun with your other guy friends but can’t really tell you about it because you guys are technically not together yet.

And I immediately thought that I had to write it!! But it took sooo long ‘cos I was struggling with the ending (sorry in advance if it doesn’t meet your expectations, I tried TT) and finally, FINALLY, I’m posting it. It turned out longer than I thought it would though and now I feel a little empty after finishing it but I hope y’all show it some love!

“Let’s get the rest to join us, they tend to give us a discount when Chansung eats with us,” You suggested. 

“How much do you plan on eating? Why would you need a discount?” Jay teased, and you could already picture that annoying grin of his. 

“My fight’s over! Let me be, will you,” You whined before he gave in, his obnoxious laughter echoing through the phone. 

It’s been a week since your fight was over and this being your first loss, everyone at the gym had been super supportive of your recovery journey. It wasn’t the prettiest of fights, unfortunately, having suffered a fractured arm and numerous bruises on your face but you held out as best as you could. Everyone knew that – they saw that – and being the only competitive female fighter in the gym, the guys took extra care to make sure you were coping fine from checking in on you to taking turns dropping off food and supplements at your apartment. 

With most of your injuries healed enough to be out and about, Jay had suggested taking you out to dinner and if it weren’t for the fact that he had been either dropping by your place to deliver your favourite ice cream or calling you every other day – ‘just wanted to make sure you’re doing alright, that’s all’ he’d say – you would’ve readily agreed by now. After all, despite the comfortable friendship, you don’t remember hanging out nor speaking with him this much outside the gym, ever. Sure, there were the occasional team dinners post training, but to say that the both of you had gotten significantly closer over the week due to his multiple visits wouldn’t be an understatement. 

“I’ll pick you up,” He told you. “Be there in twenty.”  

“Jay, it’s just a fifteen-minute walk away from my place. With the time you’d take to get here, I’d already be there,” You reminded him, struggling to fill your brows while you wedged your phone between your ear and shoulders. 

“It’s along the way from my office.” 

“No it’s not,” You stated, his navigator instructing him to make a u-turn in the background a dead giveaway. 

“Stop being difficult and let me pick you up! This isn’t a question” He said, his tone going an octave higher in frustration before letting out a soft chuckle. “I’ll see you in a bit.” 

A part of you appreciated all the concern that he had shown you and it made you feel almost special, yet this was precisely the reason you felt the need to keep your distance and emotions in check. This is Jay we’re talking about, not just any guy from next door – for you to think his kind gestures meant something more? Oh, the audacity… 

Thing is, you never really came to terms with the fact that yes, you had a big, stupid crush on him. The thought of the other fighters teasing you relentlessly about it if they were to find out gave you all the reasons to put on a chic front to mask the butterflies you felt whenever he came to the gym and the nerves that pooled in your stomach each time he came to watch you fight. 

But with how much alone time you’ve been spending with him as of late outside the gym and in your apartment, you simply needed a logical reason to distract you from thinking that maybe, just maybe, he was interested in you, too. Not that you were complaining – your long time crush was actually visiting you at your place and being your listening ear – but after losing a fight though? All beat up and shit? There was no way – impossible, really. 

Anywho. He got his way with you, picking you up for a short five-minute drive down to the said restaurant where he had noticed you were quieter than usual, spending most of the journey staring out of the window. 

“You okay?” He asked, breaking the silence. 

“Yeah,” You shrugged. 

“Lies.” 

You turned around, furrowing your brows at him, “What?” 

“Something’s obviously bothering you,” He said, then turned his attention back to the road. 

“If anything, you’re the one that’s bothering me.” 

“What did I do now?” 

You sighed, slumping in your seat and for the rest of the drive he let you be, occasionally sneaking glances at you each time he turned to look at the side mirror. 

“Tell me about it,” He said in a soft voice, pulling on the hand brake at the parking lot. 

“I’m just feeling a little…lousy? I guess,” You hesitated. “I mean, the thought of facing everyone who had literally put aside everything to help me train for the fight only to let them down is just…not the best feeling.” 

“It’s not your fault,” He reassured you. “You did your best, and that’s all that matters.” 

“But I slipped up…” You trailed off, involuntarily sulking as you lowered your head. 

He pressed his lips in a tight line, and after some consideration, tapped on your knee for you to look up at him, “You did really well, trust me, and the fact that you held out for so long was admirable.” 

In response, you merely sighed once more, “…why are you so nice to me?” 

He stared at you for a second, his expression contorting to one that screamed ‘what?’ before he said it himself, “Cos you’re my friend, and I’m nice to all my friends.” 

There was silence in the car as he awaited your response and you studied his expression for a bit. He looked genuinely confused, and at this point the word ‘friend’ repeated itself over and over in your head and you were embarrassed to admit that it somewhat pricked your heart a little, just a little. 

He cocked his head seeing that you were not responding, and that was when you snapped out of your trance. 

“What’s up?” 

“Nothing,” You whispered, gathering your belongings before forcing a smile. “Let’s go.” 

His eyes narrowed, watching as you got out of the car and started walking towards the restaurant. 

For a minute he pondered over the conversation you guys had, and after thinking back on all the nights he spent at your place throwing his gym sessions out the window as he binged on ice cream with you while you cried in your blanket and the one time he offered to help change the dressing of the stitches on your face all because your incessant tears messed it up, it clicked. 

Was he being that obvious? 

He liked you, he knew that. But it certainly wasn’t part of his plan to reveal it to you any time soon, especially not now when he knew that it was only normal that you needed your own headspace coming off a loss that you’ve trained so hard for. 

You had always stood out as an attractive, independent lady and there was no doubt you had piqued his interest over the years that he had gotten to know you. Despite your tough and charismatic exterior whenever you fought, you were no different from all the other girls outside of the octagon – from manicured nails to eyelash extensions, you enjoyed it all. But he found that side of you adorable, to say the least. He’d watch the way you’d shred your opponents to pieces, then complain about your chipped nails once it’s all over and it amused him to no end. The fact that you pursued what started as a mere hobby competitively all whilst running a successful boutique café as your main job only made him admire you even more. He simply thought you were, well, cool, and it wasn’t very often that he felt that way about his love interests. 

Seeing all that, it was difficult for him to watch you break down upon losing your fight. Witnessing this vulnerable side of you was new to him, leaving him at a loss of what to do and unknowingly, he had found himself in a situation where he wanted to protect you that much more, and he showed exactly that because without even realizing it, he had gone out of his way amidst his commitments to comfort you. 

Most of the guys had arrived by then, and seeing that there was an empty seat left between Junyoung and Seungmin, you slid yourself right in, a little relieved having barely escaped from having to sit beside Jay for the rest of the night. After all, the past week wasn’t very useful in helping you keep up your usual persona in front of him. If anything, how close the two of you had gotten only made it all the more difficult and the last thing you wanted was to spell it out for everyone to know that yes, you were hopelessly in love with this very attractive man. 

On the other hand, Jay seemed to have noticed this and despite being a teeny bit disappointed, he took a seat a few seats away, not without glancing at you once more. 

Being accustomed to his loud antics made it noticeable that he was being quiet and unreadable all of a sudden, and a part of you started regretting your stupid decision to confront him earlier because seriously, what were you thinking, kicking up a fuss over your wishful thinking that Jay Park would be interested in a girl like you. 

There was no doubt some unspoken tension between you and Jay by now but other than the fact that the both of you were speaking much less to each other than the usual (not that anyone else really noticed), the rest of the dinner went by rather smoothly, everyone cracking a hell lot of jokes for hours on end to celebrate your recovery. 

“You said you’ll teach me how to ride it!” You exclaimed, pointing to Seungmin’s skateboard while he flaunted some tricks at the parking lot where everyone was exchanging their goodbyes. 

He laughed, “Not now, your arm’s in a cast!” 

“But you can hold me,” You whined, looking at him with puppy eyes which caught Jay’s attention, his eyes flickering towards you almost instinctively in between his conversation with Chansung. 

Seungmin gave in eventually, holding on to your uninjured arm as you wobbled helplessly on the board and with the way the both of you giggled uncontrollably at how silly you looked, the whole situation was indeed quite a spectacle. 

“Junyoung! Support her from the other side!” Seungmin chortled. 

Junyoung snickered, and with your arm in a cast, he supported you by your waist, the three of you shaking with laughter as with the rest of the guys as they watched on. 

At this point, Jay was not pleased, biting down on his lip and furrowing his brows as he watched the way you squealed despite putting yourself in a stupidly dangerous situation. Perhaps he was over reacting, but seeing how much fun you were having with the other guys while you spent the whole of dinner somewhat avoiding him did make him feel somewhat jealous as much as he hated to admit it. 

“Ya! Stop playing! At this rate she’s gonna injure her other arm!” Chansung yelled. 

Sunyoung tittered, approached you guys as she helped you down the board, “C’mon guys, we should start making our way home, it’s late.” 

“Do you have a ride home?” Junyoung asked. 

“It’s just a short walk away, don’t worry about me.” 

“I’ll walk you home then,” Seungmin offered. 

But before you could reply to him, Jay interrupted, “I’ll give you a ride home.” 

The walk to his car was awkward to say the least despite your hardest efforts to shrug off his unusual behaviour and to make it worse, there was a thick silence that engulfed the both of you as you guys entered the car. He didn’t say a word as he set up the navigator and got comfortable in his seat and the fact that he pretended not to notice how you were looking at him only asserted that he was annoyed – the worst part? You had no idea why. 

“Are you mad…?” You asked, the tension in the air too unbearable for you to act like everything was okay. 

No answer. 

Needless to say, the ride back home was excruciating with Jay being so damn persistent on ignoring you which, in all honesty, was starting to annoy you. You had spent the entire ride turning to look at him from time to time and making it obvious that you were trying to start a conversation and there he was, staring straight ahead the whole time. 

“I’ll get off here,” You said, breaking the silence as the car came to a stop at a red light a few minutes from your apartment. 

“We’re reaching,” He told you, his tone ice cold. 

“I’ll just walk,” You muttered, gathering your belongings anyway then reaching for the door handle. 

But the light turned green just then, and he snapped when he realized that you were this close to opening the door just when he was about to step on the gas pedal, “Are you out of your mind? We’re in the middle of a road! Just sit still and you’ll be home in a minute.” 

Seriously, from skateboarding with an arm in a cast to getting out of a moving vehicle – did your head take some damage during the fight or was danger your middle name? He thought to himself. 

Startled by his sudden outburst at you for no comprehensible reason at all, you shot him a glare and he stared back at you with one of his own and it was when he saw the way your eyes trembled did he realize what he had done. You turned around to look out the window, gripping onto your bag tightly as you bit down on your lip only to realize that it was quivering. Yes, you were perhaps being a tad bit dramatic. Whatever. But angry tears were welling up in your eyes and for what reason you had no fucking clue. 

He parked his car below your apartment block shortly after, and after taking a deep breath to regain your composure, you turned around to look at him – only to see that he was already watching you – then whispered a soft ‘thank you’ before pulling on the door handle but he stopped you, tugging on your elbow. 

“W-wait,” He stuttered, swallowing as you turned around to look at him once more but seeing that he wasn’t saying anything, you got out of the car, walking away from him before you allowed a single tear to escape from your eye. 

“Ji Eun!” He called out in panic, getting out of the car and running after you. “Wait up!” 

You shrugged his hand off, squinting at him through the tears that was blurring your vision by now, “What?” 

“I’m sorry,” He breathed, slightly taken aback by your tears. 

Sure, he had seen them plenty of them over the past week, but never once did he imagine that he would be the reason for your tears. 

You frowned, and after a deep breath, you spoke, “What did I do for you to get mad at me..?” 

His heart broke as he watched the way your eyes watered and your voice cracked, the way you turned around to hide your tears from him and the way your hands scrambled to wipe them away although you deserved every right to scream your head off at him. 

You literally felt like you had done nothing wrong to be on the receiving end of his tantrums whatsoever, and experiencing the 180-degree change in his attitude towards you hurt more than you thought it would. It was almost embarrassing, really – you bawling your eyes out in front of your biggest celebrity crush because of a little something he did all because the last week spent with him created this whole imaginary idea in your head that he actually liked you. 

Your tiny frame shook as you tried your hardest to control your breathing, and by now you had given up on holding back the little sobs that were escaping your lips. 

Then, he wordlessly wrapped his arms around you from behind and murmured, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.” 

He stayed like that, tightening his hold on you as he waited for your breathing to stabilize. He understood that the last thing you wanted was for him to watch you cry over something he had said to you despite him being the one at fault, nor any of his hugs but he couldn’t help it and if it weren’t for what an ass he was being, you would’ve been on cloud nine – ecstatic – but despite the numerous occasions you dared to imagine yourself being in his embrace, this was not it. 

“That’s it? You got mad at me for no reason and expect that a ‘sorry’ is all it takes to make up for it?” You asked in a low voice once you had calmed down, peeling his hands off you before you turned around to face him, crossing your arms in front of your chest as you did to put a distance between the both of you. 

“I don’t know what got in my head and…I don’t know if it was something I said in the car,” He started, scratching the back of his head. “But I’ve been thinking about it all dinner and I just can’t figure out why you’re avoiding me and being this distant all of a sudden. It frustrates me.” 

“I wasn’t avoiding you…” You lied, breaking eye contact with him as soon as the words left your lips. 

“I’m not stupid Ji,” He said as matter of fact, raising a brow at you – he could read you like an open book. 

You groaned, “I just didn’t want to attract any unnecessary attention, okay?” 

“What attention?” 

“The fact that we’ve gotten so close!” 

“What’s wrong with that?” He asked incredulously. 

Because I fucking like you and the whole world would be able to tell once you start looking at me up close the way you do with your cute ass smile, idiot, you thought. 

“Cos you’re so nice all of a sudden and the guys would probe…” Sigh.

“I’m always nice to you!” He defended. “And so what if they probed?” 

“Ugh, I don’t know!” You said, exhaling deeply and running a hand through your hair in frustration before burying your face in your hands. “I don’t know…” 

He watched as you let out a soft whine, refusing to give him a logical answer and he sighed, stepping forward to close the gap between the two of you, “I like you, okay? And I don’t care if anyone probes about it. I just want to know if you feel the same way.” 

For a second you froze, wondering if you were hallucinating but as you slowly looked up at him sheepishly from your palm only to see him staring right back at you waiting for an answer, it hit you. 

“wait...what?” You gawked. 

 Yes, very classy of you. 

“Why do you think I’d sacrifice sleep and drive thirty minutes down from my studio at 2am in the morning after a twelve-hour studio session every other day to watch you binge eat ice cream while crying your eyes out?” He shrugged. “It isn’t the prettiest nor most entertaining thing to do, by the way.” 

“…well, I didn’t ask you to,” You muttered. 

“Ji…” He said, voice a little softer this time as he tugged on your fingers – he kept his hold on them this time, though. 

Well…what were you supposed to say? Did this give you the right to jump on him? Your crush of two years had just confessed to you. This time he wasn’t that dude you met at your part time job, nor the other one you got to know through a common lecture in university – he was Jay Park for crying out loud. 

“Hey…look at me,” He said, gently tilting your face up by the chin to look at him. 

“What do you want me to say…?” 

“I confessed!” 

“Do it nicely.”  

“Oh c’mon, you heard me,” He groaned, clicking his tongue. 

He absolutely hated saying the sweet, corny stuff or anything that had to do with expressing his feelings romantically. Having to repeat them? Good Lord… 

You tilted your head to a side as you awaited a response, and when he realized that you were not going to let him off, he asked instead, “Can I kiss you?” 

Straightforward – that he was and you knew. He just never saw the point in going in circles when he could be outright blunt to make known what he felt and wanted. But still, it caught you by surprise and it wasn’t an exaggeration to say that you simply stood rooted to the ground and stared at him wide eyed for what felt like an eternity. 

Again, what were you supposed to say? 

Nevertheless, he let out a low chuckle, very gently sliding his arms around your waist to bring you close to him before he let his lips collide with yours and this was it – everything you wanted but denied yourself to ever dream of. His lips soft against yours, his arms around you firm but his touches delicate…all that and more, and he was finally yours.

[jpegjade]

Physical Therapy - Ch. 1 (Spencer)

WELCOME TO PHYSICAL THERAPY!! in honor of this bish starting physical therapy in real life (and missing it bc i can’t drive and my mom and i’s schedules not being synched on google calendar all the time) i’ve decided to write a fic about it. it will be a little series with a goal (yes, an end game) and it’ll be cute. some of it is based on actual things that happen and some is literally just the story. ENJOY.

gender: neutral

tw: nothing that i can think of

genre: fluff | angst

Description: After getting shot in the leg, spencer goes through physical therapy before he can get back in the field completely. What happens when he starts to fall for his physical therapy assistant? 

__________________

Two honks at 6am meant that it was time for Spencer to get going. Derek was downstairs, in the car, waiting on boy wonder to crutch his way out of the apartment complex. Derek wasn’t sure how to feel about this trip considering he missed his early morning run for this but he knew how nervous Spencer was for his evaluation today so he didn’t mind as much as he could have minded. 

Spencer was patiently waiting in a pair of very short shorts, mismatched socks, and running shoes. He threw on a t-shirt and looked in the mirror, noting how tired he looked. He hadn’t been sleeping well lately for some reason but he couldn’t be sure why. He combed out his hair one more time before he and his crutches headed to the elevators. 

“Ready, kid?” Derek said, opening the front door for Spencer like a world class chauffeur would if Spencer was a celebrity. 

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Spencer mumbled.

In truth, Spencer was more than ready to get started on his physical therapy journey. He wanted to get back in the field full time, adrenaline pumping, connecting with victims, walking again. He didn’t mind the assisted mobility but it was hard for him to know that the best he could do sometimes was stay back in the office or hang out in Garcia’s batcave. 

The car ride was filled with a comfortable silence between the two men. Derek was thinking about how he could make up his missed morning run by doing another type of high cardio workout while Spencer was just trying to figure out why it had to be him. He wouldn’t wish the frustration of his recovery process on anyone else on the team but the frustration of the recovery process just got to him on some days. Today was one of those days. 

Derek pulled up to the physical therapy clinic sooner than Spencer hoped. Part of that was because Derek was a very fast driver while the other part was because Spencer wasn’t paying attention for most of the drive. 

“You owe me one.” Derek said, completely joking. Well… Partially. That morning run was what kept him awake during the day, energizing him for work. 

“Do you want to come in?” Spencer said, looking down at his hands in his lap. 

Spencer’s hands were tapping his leg as he awaited Derek’s answer. He was nothing short of a nervous wreck on the inside. All he could think about was how much pain he would be in once the evaluation was over and the physical therapist had finished poking and prodding at his knee. He hated to think that it would be worse than everything else going on. Plus he still had to go to work today. 

“Sure, kid.” Derek said. 

Derek wasn’t going to sit in the car and do nothing the whole time so he might as well support his friend. 

Climbing out of the car, the boys slowly made it to the sliding glass doors of the physical therapy clinic. Much to Spencer’s surprise, it was nothing like he originally imagined it to be. Some part of him thought it would somewhat resemble the clinic where his mother resided but it was completely different. There were floor to ceiling walls for over half of the first floor building. High tech equipment was stationed everywhere from anti gravity treadmills to hand bike motors, medicine balls and so much more. Spencer stood in the doorway, leaning on his crutches, while he took everything in. There was so much light in the air, it was almost like the feeling of recovery was airy and not meant to bog him down. This was a strange feeling for him to comprehend...

“You coming, pretty boy?” Derek called, taking a break from chatting with the pretty receptionist. 

Spencer and his crutches walked over to the front desk and grabbed the paperwork that covered how much pain he was in today. He filled it out quickly, hoping to get everything over with sooner than later. He was already here so he might as well just finish everything quickly so he could get out of the place. 

When he finished writing everything down, he returned the paperwork to the receptionist who slipped him a piece of paper and pointed to Derek. Spencer already knew it was the receptionist’s personal phone number and he didn’t even need to look at the paper. Sitting down, Spencer handed Derek to a very confused Derek before it hit him what it was. Derek winked at the receptionist, who blushed before answering the phone. 

“Spencer?” A voice called his name shortly after he sat down. 

It was nice to know that here, he didn’t have to be a doctor. He was just another person healing. He didn’t have to be smart, he could just exist. 

“Good luck.” Derek said, noticing that Spencer’s hand was shaking in the slightest bit. 

“My name is Nora and I will be your lead physical therapist.” The woman said, walking Spencer to a vacant padded table. It reminded Spencer of the types of tables you lay on when you get a massage. 

He only got a massage once when Garcia got stood up on a couples’ massage date. He spent half of his part of the massage giving the masseuse facts about how their job could actually give them an infection from the amount of germs in the air and on the table. His delivery of facts caused the room to be incredibly uncomfortable and bleach the table very thoroughly. By the time he and the masseuse finished, only 5 minutes were left in the massage and Garcia was left horrified and amused at the same time. 

“Don’t worry. We bleach the tables every time someone finishes a session.” Nora said, noticing the look on Spencer’s face. Spencer visibly relaxed and sat on the table. 

“So, Spencer, tell me a little bit about yourself.” Nora followed up, pulling up a backless roller chair. 

“Well, I was on a case and the unsub, unknown subject, shot at a dad but it ended up hitting me in the leg instead and…” Spencer paused, looking at Nora’s amused face. 

“No, I mean tell me about you. Your hobbies, what you do for fun, things like that. I need to do a complete profile for you so I know how your quality of life has been affected and which exercises you can do at home so we aren’t pushing too fast.” Nora smiled at Spencer. 

“I work.” Spencer said in a matter-of-fact tone. He didn’t really have anything else to say. 

“Okay. So you’re a workaholic.” Nora wrote. She was about to ask a new question when you came quickly walking to Nora. 

Spencer was left dumbfounded. There seemed to be a halo of light radiating around you, making you glow. He knew it was the sun finally rising but his brain short circuited as he continued to gaze at you. 

“Hey Nora?” You said, looking down at your boss. “Mrs. Gillespi wants to know why you haven’t come back to check her form. She doesn’t trust me because, her words here, I ‘look like a child who doesn’t know their left foot from the color orange.’” 

“Sure. Here, you can take over Spencer’s evaluation.” She handed you her clipboard.

You looked at the detailed notes on the paper and then up at Spencer, who looked like one of the youngest people here. 

“It’s not often we get cute guys in this place. Other than Kyle. But Kyle’s an asshole who could almost be my dad.” You blurted, not realizing you said it outloud as soon as Nora left. 

You noticed that he started blushing and looking at his converse and you realized that you said something. You usually spoke your thoughts out loud but the people you worked with were used to it so no one bothered to say anything.

“What?” You asked, confused. 

“You called me cute.” Spencer said. “Which is fine. I don’t understand the appeal but I do believe that your blurting of what you perceive as a fact is a coping mechanism. It can also be tied to ADHD, which is a common mental disorder that causes your brain to impulsively say things.” Spencer paused, looking at your face. 

“What?” You asked, again, confused. 

“I’m not saying you have ADHD. I’m a doctor but not that kind of doctor. Although I could get another Ph. D. Prove my father wrong. And…” Spencer realized he was rambling. 

“Cute and a talker.” You said, writing that down. 

You wrote something down on the paper that Spencer couldn’t see but he was curious about. 

“Let’s check out that leg.” You said, pulling out an instrument that looked like a compass. 

You asked Spencer to move his knee certain ways and it wasn’t as bad as Spencer thought. You were gentle, soft even. Your hands were delicate and you ended the session massaging his leg and smiling at him. 

“You were a good patient today, doctor Spencer.” You said, smiling at him. 

Spencer blushed, unable to meet your eyes. 

“You… I mean… I enjoyed our session.” Spencer said. “Which I don’t normally enjoy. Not that I’ve been shot before. Or had physical therapy. Or been here. Or even worked out really.”

“You’re funny, doc.” You smiled. “Your next appointment is Tuesday of next week according to the schedule so I guess I’ll see you then. I can’t wait.” 

Spencer stared at you as he wondered why you were so excited. 

“Why?” Spencer asked. 

“It’s not every day I get the case for a cute guy who is smart and awkward. It’s almost like the heavens have answered my hopes and prayers.” You joked, looking up at the ceiling and putting your hand on your heart. 

“I believe in science.” Spencer stated, grabbing his crutches. 

“A man of science. Does it get any better? What’s your star sign?” You joked. 

“Scorpio.” Spencer stated. 

“Oop. All the scorpios I know have been some hoes. You better not be a hoe, doc.” 

“I’m definitely not a gardening tool, if that’s what you’re referring to. Otherwise, I’d like to thing my lack of dating skills doesn’t qualify as being a… hoe? Although, I don’t believe in the use of the word to describe someone who enjoys spending time with multiple people. I’d like to think the use of the word is meant in jest and fun for a term of endearment.” Spencer stood up, balancing on his crutches. 

“I’ll be the judge of that.” You said, walking slowly with Spencer to the front desk. 

“What’s your name?” Spencer asked, turning to you. He realized that he never got your name.

“Y/n.” You smiled. 

The clouds must have parted again because as soon as you turned to walk away from him, towards Nora, you were covered in another halo. And just like that, you were gone again.

_____________________

Future tag list: 

@ellvswriting @sageandberries-png @l0ve-0f-my-life @rexorangecouny @kennedywxlsh

Want to be added? Tell me!

[jenonctcity]

My Beginning - Part 3

Differences – Lee Jeno

Part of the Bad Boy Series.

Badboy!Au, Streetfighter!Au

Warnings: Mentions of mental health, Disability (blindness), Mild Violence, Mentions of suicide.

Word Count: 5.3k

“It’s hard being a father.” Renjun’s words rang through Jeno’s head like a school bell echoing through empty halls. The words bouncing around and causing his headache to build every time his head repeated the words in his brain. He let out a sigh, his head resting against the back of the sofa and his eyes shut, not that it would matter if they were open, he couldn’t see either way. He just preferred to keep his eyes closed, it meant he didn’t have to remember to blink when his eyes started to dry out or irritate. For the past week, Jeno’s world had been pitch black. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. With blindness came a sense of self-pity, boredom, and the overwhelmingness of relying on others to do basic tasks. It wasn’t only the blindness that was dousing his normal way of living with stress and worry. It was also the fact that you were carrying his unborn child. A child he did not want. Despite having you with him almost 24/7 because of his accident, the two of you still had yet to talk about the elephant in the room. You both kept putting the topic off and instead focused more on how to cope with Jeno’s lack of sight. You had quit university. It was a decision that was hard for you to make, but you knew it was the right thing to do. Jeno only had his friends to rely on, and they couldn’t be there for him as much as you could. So you quit your studies. Jeno had a lot of money saved up and had gotten Renjun to sell his car on for a hefty price too, so you could both live comfortably for the foreseeable future. Of course the money would run out eventually, but hopefully by that time, you would have solutions to your problems.

Jeno could still hear your whimpers echoing around his head with Renjun’s words. The whimpers you had let out when you’d walked back into the hospital room with a cup of water and found a doctor examining Jeno’s eyes, only to be told your boyfriend had lost his sight because of the damage done from the accident. Your knees buckled and luckily Jaemin had caught you before you’d hit the floor. Jeno just laid there and listened to you sob into his best friends’ chest for what seemed like hours. He felt numb, despite all the pain he was in, and he was at a loss of what to do. He was blind, with a baby on the way. He’d never felt more useless in his entire life as he laid in that bed and stared at the darkness. Jaemin had calmed you down, with promises whispered into your hair of everything being okay. The doctor had told you that it was rare for people to lose their sight permanently from head injuries, but it could happen, and only time would tell.

“When they’re babies, you think it’s easy to take care of them and then boom, they get diarrhoea, they wiggle around a bit, and shit goes all up their back.” Jeno could almost hear the smirk in Renjun’s voice. He let out another sigh and shook his head.

“Shut up.” He grunted, clenching his fists by his side as he tried to keep calm.

“You have to be cautious of the three S’s, screaming, sick, and shit.”

“You have to be cautious of my fists Renjun.” Jeno growled, lifting his head and turning it into the direction of Renjun. “I may be blind, but I can still hear you, and I will beat the fuck out of you if you don’t shut up.” He mumbled, his threat sounding weak causing Renjun to know he didn’t mean it.

“Alright daddy, keep your diaper on.” Renjun sniggered, reaching out and patting Jeno on the shoulder. “You’ll be fine Jen; you have all of us here to support you and I am the best dad in the world. Jiyeon is still alive!”

“You forgot her name yesterday...” Jeno deadpanned with a frown on his face.

“That was because all I’ve heard for the past few days is baby names! You know I’m about to have another one, it’ll be arriving any day now.” Renjun and his girlfriend had decided not to find out what gender their baby was, instead waiting and discussing baby names constantly. She was 4 days overdue and the baby would be arriving at any time.

“I’m pretty sure she is the one who takes care of you most of the time.” Jeno let out a soft laugh, his head turning to the sound of the door as it creaked open.

“Hey.” You greeted quietly as you walked through the door, smiling at Renjun and placing the grocery bags on the kitchen counter. “Is he okay?” You mouthed silently at Renjun, to which you received a smile and a curt nod. You rushed over to the sofa and slowly sat beside Jeno, not wanting to alarm him. He had been flinching a lot more and his nerves were constantly on edge if he couldn’t hear where everyone in the room was. “Hey handsome.” Your voice was soft, and you took his clenched fist into both of your hands. Jeno let out a long sigh and roughly pulled you into a tight hug. He breathed in, basking in your scent and rubbing his cheek against your own. This was the most affection he had given you since before his accident, and you felt like crying at the sudden love he was projecting onto you.

“I’m tired and fed up of hearing Renjun’s voice.”

“Fuck you, blind ass bitch.” Renjun muttered with a laugh.

“Do you kiss your daughter with that mouth?” Jeno shot back, pushing himself to his feet and lacing his fingers with your own.

“Do you know how to use protection?” Your eyes widened as the boys kept trying to push each other’s buttons. You knew they were both only jesting and that neither of them meant any harm, so you silently started to tug Jeno towards his room as he continued to argue with Renjun.

“Right back at ya, whore.” You closed the door once you’d gotten Jeno into his room, letting out a sigh and gently pushing him to sit on his bed.

“Well I’m glad that you’re still arguing with your friends.” You laughed softly, taking off your jacket and sitting behind Jeno on the bed. You grabbed a hairbrush and ran your hand through his hair, brushing it gently and being careful of the wound he had gotten from hitting his head on the floor. “How’s your head?”

“Painful, I have a headache too.” He sighed, leaning into your touch and relaxing. You’d gotten used to taking care of him as though he was your own child. He could probably do more for himself than you would allow him to, but you didn’t want him to hurt himself yet, so you were just being extra cautious with him. Silence fell between you both, and you pressed a kiss to the top of his head, having to lean up on your knees to reach. “We have to talk about the baby. We’ve been avoiding it since we got home, and it needs to be talked about.”

“Okay.” You sighed, moving to sit beside him and looking down at your feet. “I should have made you aware I wasn’t on the pill, I’m sorry.”

“It’s my fault too. It takes two people to make a baby and we were both irresponsible.” He faced forward, his voice sounding low but with a soft timber to it. You felt nauseous just from the conversation, not knowing where it would take you and what decisions you would make between the two of you. “I’m not ready for kids…I had it in my head that I would never be a parent, so this is…fucking with my head.” He ran has hands over his face and let out a groan. You could see he was battling with what to say, and you had a feeling he was going to lose his temper more than once in the upcoming months.

“Well…we should have talked about this before we started having sex. We had sex nearly everyday and you came inside of me nearly every time! Why did you not think to ask me about whether I was on contraceptive?!” You felt frustration coursing through you at how things had happened. You were too caught up the honeymoon phase of your relationship to even think about talking to him about what you both wanted in the future. You knew you wanted kids, and it didn’t bother you when you had them, especially since you were so infatuated with Jeno, you just felt like you were ready. Had you known he didn’t feel the same way, you would have done things different.

“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me not to finish inside of you?!” He shot right back at you, his own temper flaring up at your tone of voice. He couldn’t see you, which was making him frustrated because it was hard to tell how you were reacting based just off of your words and tone of voice.

“I wasn’t exactly a sex expert! I just laid on my back most of the time and let you do your thing, you know you’re my first for this, how was I supposed to guess that you were going to finish inside of me every fucking time!” It was starting to turn into a shouting match as you both expressed your opinions. Jeno didn’t want to admit that his breeding kink was what caused him to do it, because honestly, he felt stupid for not being cautious with his kink.

“This isn’t what I fucking wanted.” He stood up quickly, his fists clenching. He needed to hit something, but he couldn’t see what he was hitting, and there was no way in hell that he would endanger you by throwing fists blindly. You didn’t say anything to him, staying dead silent as you stewed in your thoughts and feels. Your silence made him snap. “Say something!!!”

“Are you going to leave me…?” The heart-breaking tone in your voice had Jeno’s hands unclenching and his chest rising and falling as he took a deep breath. His pause had tears welling up in your eyes, and you were glad he couldn’t see your watery eyes.

“No.” He shook his head, running a hand through his hair and gripping it tightly. You sniffed, trying to make sure that your voice was stable.

“Do you want me to get an abortion?” Your voice cracked as you spoke, warm tears falling down your cool cheeks and siting on your chin, waiting for the heaviness of more tears to fall to drip onto your tensed hands.

“No.” He answered faster this time, his own tears pooling in his eyes.

“Do you still love me?” You reached out and took one of his hands in both of your own. His fingers laced with yours, and he used your hand as a guide to sit himself back down on the bed.

“Of course I do.” He raised your hands to his lips and pressed a soft kiss to your fingertips. “Look, it’s going to take a long time for me to adjust to this, and I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that I’m happy about having a baby. But I love you, and I don’t want to lose you. So we’ll make it work and I’m going to be there for you and the baby…our baby.” He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close to him. You squeezed him tightly, burying your head into the crook of his neck and letting out a soft sob.

“Thank you.” You whispered, kissing his jaw with a quick peck and relishing in being in his arms once more.

---

Haechan had never seen Jeno more down and depressed before in his life. It was hurting his heart to see Jeno sit on the sofa and wallow in self-pity, with the cloud of his disability and despair sitting around his head like a poisonous fog. Jeno was someone who needed to let go of his pent-up emotions, and he always did it with fighting. But he couldn’t do that easily without his sight. Haechan had been worried about Jeno’s mental health, especially because Jeno couldn’t wrap his head around the fact he was going to be a father. He’d created a life, and he knew he’d have a responsibility he had never originally signed up for. It was when Haechan had walked in on Jeno laid on the floor on his back with tear streaks on his cheek that Haechan had finally snapped.

“Get up Jeno.” He snapped with a dominating tone, kicking Jeno in the leg lightly.

“No.” He grunted back at him, not even moving a muscle.

“Get the fuck up. We’re going somewhere.” He left the room, leaving Jeno on the floor to quickly pack up a bag of things in Jeno’s room. When he came back, he saw Jeno sat up on the floor. “Get up!”

“Why?!”

“I’m fed up of you sitting there feeling sorry for yourself all of the time, we’re going to the gym. Come on!” They were teetering on it being an argument as Haechan grabbed Jeno by the collar and lifted him to his feet. Jeno shoved Haechan away roughly.

“Fuck off. I lost my sight and I’m having a baby I don’t fucking want. If I want to feel sorry for myself then I fucking will.” He growled, smacking Haechan’s hand away when it landed on his shoulder. “Don’t act like you suddenly give a fuck about me. Leave me alone.”

“Jeno you’re my fucking brother, I’m done with you not doing anything, it’s been a month and all you do is sit around and mope about the cards you’ve been dealt like no one else has any problems!!!” He shouted, causing his girlfriend to come out of their room with wide eyes.

“Hyuck, what are you doing?” Her voice made Jeno’s head hurt more.

“You can fuck off too!!!” He couldn’t help the words from leaving his mouth. She flinched, her eyes widening at the sudden attack. “You broke my heart and then tell my new girlfriend about what I’m like when I’m sleeping?! Yeah, I haven’t forgotten about that, it was as though you were trying to sabotage my happiness, but poor Jeno is a fucking push over who always lets everyone use him as a fucking doormat, so he never said anything!!!” He practically screamed, finally getting everything off of his chest. Jaemin and Renjun also appeared from their rooms, ready to step in in case anything happened. “Everyone thinks they can just say whatever they want to me or screw me over because I’m too kind to do anything about it. Fuck you all!” Jeno had tears streaming down his face that had everybody’s stomachs turning in guilt.

“Jeno calm down, this isn’t good for you.” Jaemin’s voice nearly had Jeno calming, but then his back went back up again and he shook his head, turning to where he had heard Jaemin’s voice come from.

“Don’t tell me to calm down you hypocrite, you’re the first person to get yourself into a state so bad that I have to talk you out of not killing yourself! Have I ever told you to calm down?! No! Because I know it doesn’t work. You don’t understand the pressure you put on me Jaemin, I’m constantly worried about whether I’m going to lose my best friend to depression.” He started to sob more, all of his thoughts spilling out because he couldn’t deal with them all being bundled up in his head anymore. Jaemin’s face fell and his stomach dropped through to the ground floor of the apartment building.

“Jen…” He rushed over to his best friend and bundled him up into his arms, Jeno broke down completely, his knees almost buckling as he sobbed on Jaemin’s shoulder. Jaemin silently cried as he cuddled his best friend. “I’m so sorry.”

“I can’t do it anymore; I can’t see, I’m not ready to have a baby, and people need to leave me the fuck alone.” He whimpered into Jaemin’s shoulder. “I need to process this in my own time, but everyone is rushing me!”

“Jeno, it’s going to be okay. Let it out.” He rubbed Jeno’s back, swaying them both gently. Everyone else silently left the room, letting them be alone so that Jaemin could calm Jeno down. Haechan felt horrible, he was only trying to help, but he went about it the wrong way and ended up causing his best friend to have a complete mental breakdown.

“My life has just always been a mess…then I finally meet a girl I fall in love with that hasn’t hurt me, and now I can’t even see her…Jaemin I’m starting to forget what she looks like and it hurts so much.”

“I know, I know.” He moved them both to the sofa and settled Jeno on there tenderly.

“If I wasn’t blind…I would have left.” He mumbled, looking down at his hands and feeling like the worst person in the world for saying that.

“You don’t mean that.” Jaemin shook his head and tapping Jeno on the leg. “Don’t say things you don’t mean.”

“I’m not sure if I meant it or not.”

---

 It had been 5 months since you and Jeno had came to an understanding about your baby. The past months had been difficult for you both. Jeno’s disability had been tough on you and him, but together the two of you were working through it. There had been some rough spots, like the time Jeno had tripped over his own feet and had ended up with a black eyes for a few weeks, or the time when you were super emotional because of you hormones and he snapped at you about something minor, leading you to cry on Jaemin’s shoulder for 3 hours solid. You had notice that he was still super hesitant to talk about the baby, and he would very rarely bring it up, only talking about it when someone else talked about it first. He had taken very little interest in his own child and had only touched your small bump when he was cuddling you in bed. Also, his vision hadn’t come back at all, which was making the tension inside of him get stronger and stronger the more the time went by.

“Tell your child to stop kicking me.” You mumbled, half asleep under the covers of Jeno’s bed. He was cuddling up to your neck and laying the softest of kisses to your hot skin, his lips trailing up your jaw and getting closer to your lips until he heard your words. He sighed and let out a soft groan, sitting up and placing his hand on your leg, trailing it up until he got to the small mound on your abdomen where his baby was cooking.

“It’s not kicking though?” He furrowed his eyebrows, twisting his body so he was facing your bump and placing both of his hands on it. “I can’t feel anything.” Jeno hadn’t felt the baby kick yet, he hadn’t been interested enough to ask if he could feel it whenever you made an offhanded comment about it moving, kicking, or hiccupping. You were actually taken by surprise when he’d placed his hands on the bump instead of just shrugging your words off.

“Wait a second...” You giggle and take his hands in your, moving them to either side of the bump and very gently putting pressure on them so his fingers dug in slightly. “There, feel that?” You smiled widely, watching the gentle look wash over his face as he felt his baby move for the first time. He nodded quickly, his whole body relaxing and a small smile tugging at his lips. You’d read online that the first time a father feels his child moving inside of the mother, could be a magical moment. And this was the first time you’d seen Jeno be paternal towards his unborn child, so it did feel magical to you. He suddenly pulled his hands away and cleared his throat.

“I’m worried that my sight won’t come back.” He laid back down on his side, pulling your body against his and letting out a sigh that sent a shiver down your spine. “It’s been over 5 months and I still can’t see shit…what if I never get to see our baby?”

“Jeno, give it some more time, the doctor said it could take up to a year for you to see any improvements. Don’t give up hope.” You leaned in and brushed your lips against his. His lips sought after your own when you withdrew them, causing you to smile softly and push them back against his.

“Thank you for taking care of me.” He whispered against your lips, moving the two of you so that he was half laying on top of you, being cautious of your stomach.

“You don’t have to thank me.” The kiss turned filthy, his tongue flicking against your own with one of his hands moving up to rub at your breast over your pyjama shirt. You felt arousal heat your body up for the first time in a while. You’d had sex with Jeno a couple of times since his accident, but it was getting harder to do the further along you got in your pregnancy, and Jeno often wasn’t in the mood whenever you were. “I need you.” You whispered into his mouth, gently giving his chest a push. He laid down on his back and got comfortable, his hands reaching out and trying to find your hips as you climbed on top of him. You straddled his hips, making quick work off pushing down your pyjama shorts and pushing Jeno’s boxers down just enough to pull his hardening cock out.

“Be careful baby.” Jeno muttered breathily, his hands finding purchase on your hips to keep you steady on him. You leaned down as far as you could, trying to reach his lips and letting out a whine when your bump wouldn’t allow you to get any closer to him. Jeno heard your whine and his eyebrows furrowed. “What’s wrong?”

“I want a kiss, but I can’t reach!” You giggled through a whine, giving up and sitting back on your knees. Jeno chuckled lightly, then let out a long moan when you sunk down onto his cock, your warm walls sucking him in and sending a dull sensation of pleasure through you.

“Fuck baby, I’ve missed this.” He squeezed his shut eyes tighter, leaning his head back on the pillows. You placed your hands on his chest and rolled your hips, grinding down on his cock with vigour. He planted his feet on the bed, bucking his hips up to meet your own once you started to bounce, his cock hitting you in all the right places. You knew neither of you were going to last long, the ball inside of your stomach tightening the more you moved on top of him. He kept his hands tight to your sides, making sure you didn’t accidentally topple off of him as his thrusts got harder.

“Jeno I’m gonna cum!” You squealed, almost falling forward as you felt the fire of your orgasm rip through you, your thighs shaking and pussy convulsing around his solid cock.

“Shit!” Jeno opened his eyes as he came, his hips stuttering and his eyes immediately tearing up when he saw your blurry silhouette in the light of the room. “Fuck.” He bursts into tears, shutting his eyes immediately and letting go of your hips to cover his eyes with his hands.

“Jeno? What’s wrong?!” You carefully moved off of him, crawling beside him and trying to pull his hands from his face. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine baby.” He sniffled, rubbing his eyes and smiling through his tears. “I just love you so much. Thank you for looking past all the shit in my life and seeing the good.” He didn’t want you to know about his improvement, just in case it was a fluke and he went back to being completely blind permanently.

“Oh Jeno.” You melted on the inside at seeing him weep from the reason he gave you. “I love you too.” You leaned down, finally able to from the angle you were now sitting in and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

---

Jeno had been keeping a huge secret from you. One he was actually surprised that he could keep a secret because of how much time he spent with you. But it had been two months since he first got a sliver of his vision back. And he could happily tell people that he could officially see again and was no longer classed as legally blind. His vision wasn’t the same as it once was, but he could now see clearly if he had on his new glasses. After finding out about his improving sight, he’d asked Renjun to take him to and from appointments so that he could keep it silent from you in order to surprise you when the time was right. He did admit to Renjun that when he saw you for the first time with your pregnant belly, he had a nervous breakdown. The whole situation of becoming a father finally dawning on him as he saw you struggle to put on your socks. He didn’t help you, mostly because it would have given his surprise away, which yes, he does feel bad for, but you got your socks on in the end!

Something Jeno never could have prepared himself for was when you woke him up at 3am, complaining of pains in your abdomen and whining about the food you had eaten earlier on in the day. He had cuddled you, stroked your hair, and told you to go back to sleep. You’d managed to drift off, but an hour later, you were whining even more because the pain had gotten worse, and the pain was coming in waves that didn’t seem to be slowing down, but instead of speeding up. It was when the bed suddenly became wet and Jeno had thought that you’d peed on him when you realised you were going into labour. The next thing you did was cry, because you weren’t supposed to be due for another 6 weeks, so the baby was more than a month early. Jeno had shouted for Renjun, who had come running in his pyjamas to help the two of you out. You couldn’t thank Renjun enough for all the help he’d been giving the two of you since you found out that you were going to become parents. Sure he loved to clown you both about it, but he was also a big help with getting ready for the baby’s arrival.

When you’d arrived at the hospital, you’d been taken to a room to be prepared for giving birth. You were frightened, because you knew your baby wasn’t going to be as big as most babies, and anything could happen. Jeno had been sat at your bedside through all of your contractions, his hand being held tight in your own and his lips on your forehead whispering words on encouragement. You wondered why he was wearing the glasses that he had told you were simply for fashion and because he felt strange walking around with his eyes shut, but the thought quickly rushed from your head when a painful contraction hit you like a truck.

“Fuck!” You screamed, not usually cursing but the word just tumbled from your lips as you squeezed Jeno’s hand tightly.

“You’re doing so well babe.” He kissed your sweaty forehead, pushing back the messy hair of your forehead and watching as some midwives entered the room. His heart was pounding in his chest, he knew there was no going back now, his life was about to change forever. But he didn’t know whether it was for the good or bad.

“It’s time to push now sweetheart.” The midwife said to you, her and her colleague prepping you to give birth. Jeno took a deep breath, exhaling and inhaling repeatedly to stop the panic attack that was creeping up on him like a lion about to attack a zebra. Everything went by like a blur to Jeno. He heard your groans of pain as you pushed, his hand being gripped in yours like a tightening vice as the midwives gave you words of encouragement. He was speechless, his eyes following the tiny baby as it was pulled from you and taken away to be cleaned up. Jeno had never seen a baby so small in his entire life, and he turned to look at you, his mouth hanging open in shock from the reality of becoming a father.

“Oh my god.” You let out a soft sob when they handed you your baby wrapped in a white blanket. “Jeno, it’s a boy…he’s so beautiful.” Jeno gulped, looking down at his son in your arms. You couldn’t describe the love that bloomed in your stomach as you stared down at your squirming baby in awe. He didn’t cry, he just opened his little eyes ad stared blankly up at the ceiling. “Hey little guy…”

“Can I hold him?” Jeno’s voice was wobbling and you nodded, very carefully handing over the baby to him. You still thought he couldn’t see, so to see him looking down at the baby with open eyes, his eyes flickering up and down the tiny boy’s body as he studied his son. “Minjun.” He whispered the name you’d agreed on for a boy. “He looks like a Minjun.” Jeno glanced up at you, and you felt your heart soar.

“Y-you can see?” Jeno nodded, leaning forward and kissing you tenderly on the lips. “Since when?! Jeno I’m so happy.” You started to cry once more, overwhelmed from the birth of your son and from finding out about your loves eyesight. You wanted nothing more than for Jeno to be able to see his baby, and he could. Happy wasn’t strong enough to describe how you felt.

“The past few months it’s been slowly coming back, I have to wear glasses to see but…it’s better than nothing. (Y/N) you did such a good job, he’s wonderful.” Jeno’s smile lit up his entire face like you’d never seen before. He held Minjun’s little hand with his fingertip and could feel the tears welling up in his eyes.

“Well you helped me make him.” You giggled, watching the magical moment between father and son.

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to Minjun’s forehead, sniffing back his tears even though one rolled down his cheek. “I wasn’t too keen on the thought of you when I first heard you were going to be arriving you know, but now I can’t imagine not having you. I’m going to do the best I can for you, and you will have the best life I can give you. My own father wasn’t a nice man to me, he hurt me a lot, and set me up for a lifetime of worry. But that’s all my past. You and your mummy are just the beginning, my beginning.” 

---

So what are we thinking? Let me know your thoughts! This story has been a wild ride, thank you all so much for getting this far!

[mnictasbcl]

Wake up

For #dbhcolorsofdeviancy, prompt:

June 10th: five stages of grief @connor-sent-by-cyberlife

Rating:  Mature

Characters: Connor, Hank Anderson, Gavin Reed

Relationships: Connor & Hank Anderson, Connor & Gavin Reed

Additional Tags: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Violence, Graphic Descriptions of violence, Gunshot wounds, Gun violence, Blood, Serious Injury, Guilt, Denial, Swearing, Grief, Not what you think it’ll be, Bargaining, Anger, Graphic medial description, Crying, :(, Coma, Medical coma, Depression, Talk of terminal stuff, Suicide, As in, mention of suicide, Suicidal thoughts, Hope, lots of talk about death, Surreal,

Summary: Hank takes a bullet for Connor. Things only go downhill from there…

 TW: Make sure to read the tags, this is a more heavy fic. Angst, gunshot wounds, gun violence, blood, graphic descriptions of injury/violence and medical description, a lot of mention of death, suicide reference/suicidal thoughts

Story below! Or, read it on AO3

 Connor couldn’t believe it had happened. Everything flew past so suddenly, motions and actions a blur, shouts numb to his ears, only focused on his partner, his friend, his father figure, going down in front of him.

A normal day on the force gone wrong. The suspect they’d been apprehending had had one last trick up his sleeve. They hadn’t realised he was connected to the red ice ring Hank had taken down all those years ago.

In hindsight, from the way the suspect just… let themselves get arrested, maybe they should have been expecting it.

All too willing to walk with them into the DPD, through the rows of desks, see the perp look towards Hank—Hank look back, notice the concealed weapon he drew, pushing Connor to the ground—

Something warm and sticky was sinking into his clothes, the android noted. But he hadn’t been hit. The blood wasn’t blue, it was red.

“Hank.” He uttered, short word broken, syllables distorted. He pushed the man onto his front, saw the gaping bullet hole in his chest.

“I’m…” The man began to choke out, hand reaching up, trying in vain to comfort. “Okay… son…”

“Hank!”

This time, the Lieutenant didn’t answer.

 ­______________

 They carted him off in a stretcher, and left Connor staring at the blood on his hands. If he’d been a human next of kin, maybe they’d have let him go along with him. But the waters surrounding android rights were still murky.

Luckily, it wasn’t long before someone from the force picked him up, made him wash his hands and drove him to the hospital.

Gavin, he noted dully, paying the man no attention on the drive there. He could scan his hands over and over, see them completely clean, but the blood was still there.

But it didn’t happen. Hank was just injured. It happened all the time. They’d stitch him up, Captain Fowler would send him home on bed rest for a few weeks, which he’d bitch and moan about but reluctantly agree to, along with help from Connor and Sumo.

The last time he’d bene injured, however, there hadn’t been so much blood.

Connor blinked, and he was in the waiting room. His LED spun a constant red, but his eyes remained vacant. He tried to push away the facts and figures about blood loss and bullet wounds to the chest that were clogging up his vision.

“He’ll, uh… he’ll be okay.” Connor heard Gavin try to comfort. He looked up with a strange expression on his face.

“No, he won’t.”

Gavin swore under his breath. “Phck. Just… stop looking at me like that, okay? I didn’t realise he meant so much to you before. Look, the doctors are gonna try their best.”

“He was shot in the chest, Gavin.”

He heard a scrape as the man sat on the hard plastic chair beside him.

“I know. Look—Anderson’s a tough guy. He’ll pull through.”

Connor could tell Gavin was trying to help. Maybe seeing his distress, helping him wash Hank’s blood off his hands as he numbly allowed him to do so, changed the man’s view about androids. Maybe he really was starting to care.

But Connor couldn’t care about that right now. And denial wasn’t helping. Sugar-coating the fact that Hank had been shot—shot in the chest—somewhere packed with vital arteries and organs and—

It wasn’t helping. He didn’t want this. Didn’t want Hank hurt, having nothing to do about it—Hank hurt pushing him out of the way of a bullet that had meant to hit him—

He pushed away Gavin’s words, standing abruptly from the chair.

“Just go away.”

“What?”

“I said, go away!” His voice, rarely heard above a calm and collected tone, rose to a shout. “Just go away! I don’t want to talk to you about this, Gavin! Just leave me alone.”

For the better or the worse, there was another dull scrape, before footsteps echoed down the hallway. Barely looking to see where he’d gone, Connor collapsed back into the chair with a sob.

 ______________

 After a while, he was allowed to see Hank. By some miracle, he’d survived, with extensive surgery.

But from the blunt trauma and levels of blood-loss, he’d fallen into a coma.

Connor had sat with him for the full length of visiting hours, only leaving to tend to Sumo back at home.

On the seventh day, where doctors gave him partially hidden pitying glances, he closed the door and sat alone with Hank and his thoughts.

“Maybe I could have saved you.” He whispered, hand grazing over the bedcovers, only briefly glancing at Hank’s still form, save for the mechanical rise and fall of his chest. “You shouldn’t have blocked the bullet, Lieutenant. I could’ve taken it. Or even if I couldn’t—that wasn’t yours to take.”

He pulled his hand back, ghosting it over his chest, where he used to have a tie on at all times to fiddle with and straighten.

“The doctors are saying that it will be lucky if you’ll ever wake up. There’s nothing more they can do. The damage was extreme… and…”

Connor cleared his throat, gently wiping a finger beneath his eyes. “At least you didn’t die. But—if you’re going to, how do I cope with it? You lived with it for years, every day weighing you down, with no one but Sumo to keep you company…

“If you do die, Hank, and leave me here alone—perhaps you taught me all along how to cope with this.”

The heart rate monitor was beeping steadily. But that was the issue- it wasn’t alive, it was just a machine, a machine out of all the machines that were keeping him alive—

That was more than he could have said for himself.

  Time merged together. One week became two. Two became four.

Connor sat beside his bed. He’d decided to stop counting the weeks. Debate over whether it was humane to keep Hank on life support was in hushed tones that the android could hear even with the door shut.

There had been one spike of hope, a few weeks ago, that had led to be nothing. Since then, Hank hadn’t deteriorated in condition, but he hadn’t gotten better, either. Nothing had changed. It was simply a state of frustrating limbo, stagnation, the ugly truth hiding around the corner but not yet ready to strike.

Connor couldn’t deny it anymore. He couldn’t bargain, couldn’t change the fates or shout at them—

But he could hope.

Hold onto Hank’s hand, eyes pleading, LED flickering yellow, the skin peeling away from his hand—

Of course the man couldn’t interface, but maybe the change in texture would mean something, maybe if he replayed their happy memories over and over he would finally wake up.

It didn’t work. The skin crawled back over his hand, and he instead took Hank’s hand in his in a firm but gentle grip.

“Please, Lieutenant. You have to wake up. You have to wake up.”

Without knowing it, the last words, all too familiar from the Revolution, rolled off his tongue in the same commanding way. Something beeped on the monitor beside him—his head snapped up, hope flickering in his eyes—

Before being sparked out by the sound returning to normal. Normality, machine-like and regular, nothing changing, everything the same and not realising its error until it is too late—

He held his hand tighter, shaking his head. He’d rose against this deformed normality; he could do it again. If he just tried… harder…

“Wake up. Please.”

With more force and vigour. This time, something was different. That beep, again, and then again, and—

And then it stopped. Not the mechanical regular beat of the monitor—but a high pitched whine, loud and whirring. He cried out, reaching towards it, grabbing at the wires, the ones connecting to Hank’s chest, before everything faded away to black.

   When Connor came back to consciousness, something was different. He was… floating. There was a vast blackness surrounding him on all sides.

He pushed through it. There was a pinprick of light, shining out from the far distance. But the darkness was thick and heavy, pushing through it like treacle that was attempting to hold him back.

He couldn’t fail. Something was riding on this. Something… important.

The light was so small, but he could just reach out and touch it with the tip of his finger.

And suddenly, upon that contact, it exploded into a supernova of colours. They burst out around him, a galaxy of whites and blues and reds—

And in the centre, was Hank. Laying ever so still, just as Connor remembered him…

Except, on the hospital bed, there were no more wires, no machines hooked up to him. And his eyes were open.

“Hank!” Connor called out, running up to him. But only a few inches away from the bed, and something stopped him. An invisible wall, some unknown force, denying him that contact.

“Connor.” The man replied. He was smiling, but it looked sad. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed but didn’t look like he was moving to come and greet him.

“How—”

“It’s fuckin’ good to see you, kid.”

Connor laughed breathlessly. “I agree, Lieutenant. But how did you—”

“That doesn’t matter.” He shrugged. “What matters is… how are you?”

The android blinked. “I am doing… inadequately without your companionship, Lieutenant.” He replied, words coming out oddly unfeeling for a moment. He shook his head. “I… I miss you.”

Hank tilted his head. “But- I’m just in hospital, Connor. I’m not dead.”

“You will be soon. The doctors—”

“Screw them, though. Well, they’ve been helping me, sure, but you don’t have to waste time worrying about what they say.”

“Wait, so you’re alright?”

Hank laughed. “No. I might die. But,” he continued on, changing the subject abruptly, “You don’t have to spend time worrying about me. Look, son… you have all your life ahead of you. A pretty long one at that. You have a relationship. Friends. Work. Don’t you just want to—move on?”

Connor blinked, then snapped out of his trance, pushing at the invisible force. “No! No. I… I have all of that, Lieutenant, but I don’t have you. You…”

“Not ready to let go then, yet, huh.” It was less of a question. That same sad smile came back. “I wasn’t either. But—look—”

“No. No, I’m not. And I’m not going to.” Whilst he had a feeling what Hank (or was it Hank?) was saying was important, he had a different sense of urgency about the situation. “You don’t get to go yet. Not now. I need you.”

The force became weaker, the gap between them shortening.

“No, you don’t. You’re a deviant now, Connor. You’re alive. You don’t need me to show you that anymore.”

“But I still need you. You mean a lot to me, Hank. And I’m not losing you.”

He tested on the force again, with one last shove, skin peeling back away, the raw strength of his hands shoving into the wall.

“Connor. Are you sure?”

The only response Hank got was the wall breaking away, and Connor tumbling forwards, straight into his arms—

   And with that, the real world came hurtling back into its full colour and shimmer. Something warm was beneath him, but not warm and sticky like Hank’s blood coating his clothes, staining his hands—

No, it was the warmth of his heart beating, really and truly beating this time, and the weak grasp of his arms wrapped around him.

“Hank?” He asked tentatively, eyes still closed.

  “…right here, son.” This time, Hank answered.

[olivinesea]

Space Is Only Noise If You Can See, pt. 2

Part 1

a/n: Even slower than normal, sorry! There’s a lot going on in my world and it turns out it’s rather exhausting to be evil. All the same warnings apply: major character death, guns, blood, violence, suicide, etc. This train is only moving in one direction (straight to hell). ~2.8k

The nightmare continues.

That night he called Emily. It hadn’t been planned. In fact he had been hoping to have someone else call her, fill her in on the tragedy. That way he knew she would get the truth and not the distorted reflection of facts bounced around by his mind. But when he woke up in the middle of the night, breathing hard after yet another repetition of the nightmare, he decided he needed to call Emily. She needed to know and and he needed to hear her voice. Maybe her familiar words could chase away some of these ghosts. The coffins were getting closer all the time and he was almost certain he saw someone pushing them in his direction.

It was 3 am and he had barely slept at all. He went to the kitchen for water and checked on Jack before sitting back down to call her. He pulled his knees into his chest like an overgrown child and waited for her to pick up. She was grouchy even though it wasn’t all that early for her. She was always unreasonable at what he considered very reasonable times of day. When she saw his name flash across the screen, she wasn’t worried about the timing because she knew he didn’t sleep well. She had stopped trying to keep track of when he should be asleep years ago, the math making her dizzy with how small the number of hours he’d reliably rest seemed to be.

“What do you want now Hotchner?”

It was a game they played with one another. A false severity, all business. Seeing who would crack first. They both missed each other badly, each having been the other’s anchor through so much, but they tried not to say it. It only hurt more.

He felt bad that he couldn’t warn her this wasn’t a normal call, that there was no play in the gravity of his voice. He held his breath while he decided what to say first.

“Aaron?” Her tone immediately took on an edge. Damn her, she was so attuned to him, even four thousand miles away, she knew something was wrong without him breathing a word.

“Spencer is…Spencer died,” he managed to stutter out.

She didn’t become frantic, a quality he had always appreciated about his closest friend. She was quiet for a moment before prompting him. “How?”

He shook his head, it still didn’t make sense to him. He had brought home the report, hoping that the clearly typed details, the stomach-turning photographs, could convince him. That their fixed structures might settle his mind.

“We’re not sure. He just…they found him in the river. It looks like he jumped sometime early Sunday.”

She was silent. Of all the possible responses, that was not one she would have guessed.

“And…” he trailed off, not sure if he could tell her about the phone call. He hadn’t told anyone yet. He selfishly kept Spencer’s phone with him, checking it every couple hours to see if anything had changed, if his memory was betraying him, again. No one had questioned him about it.

“Did he leave a note?” Leave it to Emily to be practical. They were all so dazed, reliving the last days, weeks, trying to remember something that they overlooked. Surely they wouldn’t have missed something so large.

“No, not that we’ve found.”

“Well,” her seriousness now very real, “there could be another explanation then.”

“Em…” He was already weary of this conversation started with JJ. He didn’t think he could expend any energy trying to convince Emily as well. Not when so much of his effort needed to go into making sure he was on the right page, the right date, the right series of events.

“Think about it.” She was blunt. “Reid would never go without an explanation. He couldn’t. He can’t keep his mouth shut. It wouldn’t be possible for him to just leave everyone without some kind of goodbye.”

He waited, not contradicting her. It made sense, what she was saying. But he didn’t know if it was only because he didn’t want to believe the alternative. He also didn’t know what that would mean. If Spencer hadn’t taken his own life, who had?

“Well, we are still waiting on a full investigation. Either way, we’ve lost him.”

“Will you be handling the investigation?” she asked.

“No, not this time,” he replied. He had already bent the rules too many times, both recently and over the entirety of his career. There was no urgency to this, no immediate threat, no one to save. What had happened was over, the pain was irreversible. There was no reason it had to be them formally digging into the details of Spencer’s last days.

“I’ll be on a plane this afternoon. There’s a few things I need to take care of but I can be there by tomorrow.”

“Emily, that’s not necessary.”

“Like hell it’s not. Aaron Hotchner you are not going to deal with this alone.”

“Thank you, Em,” his response was quiet, fearful even. He knew he wouldn’t be able to hide the slithering doubts in his mind from her, not if she was there beside him. The things he had worked so hard to hide from the others would be exposed once she got ahold of him. He just hoped she knew how to rebuild as well as she knew how to burn it all down.

*

The next day they gathered in the round table room. Everyone was on edge, clearly having gotten little sleep. Hotch told them they could take time off if they need. He’d informed the director that they were unavailable for the next week at least, there was nothing urgent for them to do. He wasn’t going to force them one way or another, he knew they all had different ways of coping. They filtered out of the room aimlessly with glazed expressions. Hotch ducked his head and returned to his office.

About an hour later he looked up from his papers to see Morgan leaning on the doorframe. He gestured an invitation to the chairs opposite his desk. Derek sat heavily, pulling at his collar like it was too tight.

“Are you okay?” It was a stupid question, they both knew it.

Morgan shook his head, restless. “I just don’t get it Hotch. Why wouldn’t he come to us? Why wouldn’t he say something to me?”

Hotch looked at Morgan sadly, noting the sense of betrayal in his features. “We can’t know what was going through his mind Derek. No matter how much we know a person, we still can only see what they let us see.”

He met Hotch’s eyes, confusion plain. “He told me everything. He—“ Morgan stopped, obviously fighting back emotion. “It doesn’t make sense.”

Hotch nodded, “I know, I’m not sure it ever does. But the police are looking into it, we’ll have their report soon and then we can figure out next steps from there.”

“We should be doing that,” Morgan’s voice gained more of its usual strength, spurred on by the thought of strangers pawing through Spencer’s things.

“No,” Hotch’s voice was firm, “we all need time to process this. None of us can be objective, no matter how much we wish we could.”

“He wouldn’t like it.” Morgan sounded helpless.

“I know, but it’s the right thing. He would want the truth, this is the best way to get it.”

Derek’s shoulders slumped, he was too drained to fight with Hotch really.

“Why don’t you go home? There’s no reason you have to be here, no reason any of us has to be here. It might help to get away from all this,” Hotch waved his hand vaguely towards the bullpen, still full of people who hadn’t just had the earth shift sickeningly beneath them.

Morgan didn’t respond right away and when he did look up, there were tears threatening to escape his eyes. “I know he didn’t do this.”

Hotch just nodded sympathetically. He didn’t think Spencer did this either but he didn’t know how to explain that just yet.

“Go home, Derek.” He said it gently but it wasn’t a suggestion.

Morgan rubbed an eye with the heel of his hand and exhaled loudly as he stood up. He nodded tightly to Hotch before leaving the office. Ten minutes later, Hotch watched him heading down the stairs and through the busy office, people discreetly stepping out of the path of such obvious heartache.

*

The following day was more of the same, the end of Reid’s life an immovable checkpoint in time. JJ stopped by his office on her way in, asked him how Jack was doing. She didn’t ask how Hotch was, she knew any answer she got to that would be a meaningless fabrication. Hotch looked a little guilty upon hearing the question.

“He doesn’t know.”

“What? Hotch, you have to tell him.”

“I know, I just, I don’t know what to tell him.” Hotch leaned back in his chair, looking at the pen he held. “He’s going to ask questions that I don’t have the answers to.” They all do. Somehow he has fooled them into thinking he was someone with answers, someone who fixed things. They would be terrified to find out wrong they were.

“He’s not a little kid anymore, he’ll be more hurt if you lie to him.”

“It’s not lying, and I believe I know what’s best for my son.” He was angry for a brief moment, all the stress of what happened had worn down his normally tight control. He immediately regretted the sharpness in his voice, could see how JJ had shrunk back a little. She was only trying to help. She was in the same pain as him, the loss echoing through their lives, tearing at tender scars that never healed fully. He sighed.

“I’m sorry, JJ. I shouldn’t have said that.”

She waved him off though the words still stung. “Have you talked to Morgan? I haven’t seen him yet.”

“No, he’s taking some time. I don’t expect he’ll be in for a few days at least.”

She hummed, pleased at least one of them was able to step away. “I’ll check on him later, see if he needs anything.”

“That would be great, thank you.” He hoped she knew the depth behind those two words but they never seemed to carry the weight they should. JJ was always doing things to take care of the team, picking up pieces no one else noticed had fallen.

*

Morgan was not answering his phone. The first missed call didn’t bother her. He was probably doing something, maybe he’d gone for a run. The second missed call felt a little unusual. They were all so attached to their phones, always waiting for the next case to come in. It was unlikely that he was without it. Maybe he had turned his ringer off, ensuring that he had the space he needed. The third time she called without answer she had reached a state of full blown worry. Morgan was reasonable, he was thoughtful, he wouldn’t just disappear on them. And yet, he and Reid had been so close, always flirting and bickering, Spencer’s usual rules about personal space melting whenever it was Derek crossing the line. He wasn’t thinking clearly just now. She tried but couldn’t ignore the small voice in the back of her mind. He wouldn’t. But she needed to see him, to confirm his wellbeing. She decided to stop by his place on her way home. She could bring him some dinner. She doubted he was up to cooking for himself.

After picking up his usual order from the burger place near work, JJ drove to Morgan’s house. She still hadn’t had any luck reaching him on the phone. Her heart was racing and it felt like the air had suddenly become heavy, requiring incredible strength to drag into her lungs. He didn’t answer the door either.

She slipped through the side yard, searching for another way in. She pounded on the door and called his name. It came out sounding like a sob. Leaning her forehead against the door, she told herself to calm down, to think logically. She almost laughed when the thought of kicking in the door crossed her mind—picturing Morgan swiftly getting them through all manner of locked entries. She knew she wouldn’t make a dent in this door. Morgan took too much care in the details of the homes he lived in. The door was solid. She’d need another way in.

She paced in the yard, wishing she had a key, wishing Derek would just answer his stupid phone and she could calm her anxiety and head home. She glared at the door, so stubbornly closed, keeping her out specifically. She wondered if he had a spare key and was about to call Penelope to ask when she spotted it. One of the windows was cracked open.

A key would be easier but she could work with a window. She was too impatient to put an end to her worry so she stepped through the bushes that lined the perimeter of the house. She was able to pop the screen of with a little effort, then slid the window all the way open before pulling herself up and through. She ended up on the kitchen counter and dropped down to the tiles. Her palms were covered in a layer of grime and she brushed them against each other to get it off. Breathing a little hard from the effort, adrenaline ran high and made her overly sensitive to the quiet permeating the house. She wanted to call out for him but something stopped her.

She crossed through the kitchen and froze when she reached the doorway to the living room. At first she couldn’t process what she was seeing, random details refusing to connect in any kind of discernible order. There was a smell, so familiar but so out of place here, a home she’d brought her children to and laughed over too many glasses of wine in. The bitter metallic scent clawed its way into her sinuses, making her eyes water. It was dark and the shape on the floor was so crumpled it could have been a pile of blankets. It could have been if it weren’t for the even darker pool surrounding it, dragging the light inwards, velvety in its lack of reflection. She covered her mouth with her hand, feeling the pressure against her lips. There was a scream lost somewhere inside her, winding its way up as the tumblers fell into place, unlocking the meaning of what she saw.

“Derek, no!” The words barely made a sound. She moved closer, willing this to be a mistake, a trick of the light, there had to be some other meaning to this scene. But there wasn’t. She got close enough to look right into his unseeing eyes, still fixed on the ceiling beams, the thing he stared at as his life spilled out and pooled around him. Automatically her fingers fumbled for his pulse, one final hope to contradict the reality of the too obvious bullet hole. She kept looking into his eyes, trying to avoid seeing the damage that had altered everything else about his face. Nothing. She backed up, stumbling against the table behind her. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do, couldn’t even fully understand what was happening. Derek Morgan, the strongest, bravest person she knew would never be in this position, laid out with a gun in his hand, no fight left in his body. The voice in her head tried to whisper its triumph; I told you so wrapping itself happily around her shock.

“No,” she said aloud. “No.” As if that tiny syllable could have any effect on the on the matter. She pulled her phone out of her pocket, hands shaking. She called the only person she could think to call, the only person who might be able to fix this.

“JJ?” Hotch was concerned when he picked up to silence. It was unnerving, too similar to Spencer’s mute call days before.

All she could do was breathe and hope the words would come to her soon.

“JJ, what’s wrong?” Silence. “Say something Jennifer!” The rise in his voice made a shiver run through her, just enough movement to get her vocal cords working.

“He’s dead,” she whispered, voice hoarse.

Hotch didn’t say anything immediately. He couldn’t, the memory of Morgan’s blood on his hands, on his face overwhelmed him. He was filled with horror by the knowledge that he had done this.

She repeated herself, louder this time.

“I’m on my way. Call 911.”

He was already halfway out the door, not realizing he hadn’t asked if she was safe before hanging up.

~Park 3~

[mvnvgedmischief]

unremarkable days.

summary: sirius black is trying to be a good man, a good brother, a good person. Sirius has a steady job designing book covers for a publishing house, a flat he never leaves, and a traumatized brother who was just removed from the custody of his parents. All in all, it's wildly unremarkable.

chapter:  5/?

characters: sirius black, regulus black, wolfstar, background marauders

tags: tw: canon compliant abuse, child abuse, social services, abuse, eating disorders

read it on ao3 here

read the last chapter here

words: 4.2k

Sirius felt his mind whirring, as usual. God, it was so hard for him to be normal, to cope with the stress and the frustration and the exhaustion. He didn’t know how he was meant to. He remembered just a month ago, when Alice told him he should take a parental leave. Six weeks off he could have had if he wanted them. But he wanted to keep his trajectory undisputed. It was a mistake, in hindsight. He didn’t know then just how difficult his parents would make things. He didn’t know then what he knew now. He would have said “fuck it” to his trajectory if he would’ve been able to sleep. After all, it was the only thing he really wanted. It was the only thing, other than Regulus’s safety. 

He knew that he couldn’t do anything about this Remus situation. It was too dangerous. If he did something, he didn’t want it coming out in court. If he didn’t, Remus would probably never approve a design again. At least, not from him. So he chose to do what anyone would in his position. He called Marlene and looped in Alice. The calendar invite specified the meeting would begin in twenty minutes. He had titled it “Team Touchbase: The Girls are Talking Shit Again” in hopes to lighten the mood. However, there was no way that it would work. Not with the conversation he was about to have. 

He found himself breathing deeply. Trying to muster the courage to do this. They would be upset. He was sure of it. Especially when it was something this earnest, this niche and close to his chest. But Sirius didn’t have any other choice. Not as far as he could tell. So instead, he made plans for all of the inevitable ways they would try to convince him not to do this. But his mind was already made up. There was no going back now. Not when he was already this committed to the decision. 

“I need to be dropped from this project.” He doesn’t even bother with pleasantries. “Alice, please take me off of this project.”

The scoff caught him off guard. In all the time he had spent working closely with Marlene, she had never scoffed at him. Then again, he’d never asked to be taken off either. “You’re gonna let one bad meeting get to you? It’s not that big of a deal, Sirius.” Marlene was looking at him expectantly. As though she expected him to realize that he was wrong and laugh about it. 

“They’ll all be bad. I need to be dropped from the project.” He stated it like a fact. Maybe because to him, it was one. He just kept repeating it because if he said it enough times maybe they would just believe him and drop him from this book, and this chaos.

“What happened in your meeting earlier? I feel like I’m playing catch up.” It really wasn’t fair to Alice that she didn’t know. But Sirius didn't feel like explaining. 

“Sirius wants to get dropped from the poetry book.”

“But—“ Alice paused. She looked like she was sussing something out. “But aren't those your favorite pet projects?” 

“Yeah, but—” 

“So what’s the problem? “ Marlene cut him off again, and Sirius was beginning to lose his will to do this. He knew he couldn’t just not show up to meetings, but it would show them he needed to be taken off this project. 

“Alice, I have so many projects right now where the author doesn’t hate me. I don’t really have the time to be on a project where he does.” He wasn’t even acknowledging Marlene right now, because she clearly didn’t understand. why he wanted to be taken off. And that was okay, he didn’t mind, as long as he could get off this project. 

Marlene and Alice were good people. They weren’t going to make him do this when he reminded them of how much he was doing, how much weight he was actually pulling. He was sure of it. 

“Bullshit. He doesn’t hate you.”

Well that wasn’t what he anticipated. 

Marlene wasn’t having this. She began to extrapolate on her point, and Sirius was only half listening. “He thinks you’re cool and intimidating, Sirius. He was trying not to feel small. It might not be your style to take that on, but he doesn’t hate you and you know it.” Marlene seemed really keen on keeping him on this project. Sirius wondered why for a moment, but he couldn’t be sure. He didn't know how hard she worked to put him on this account in the first place. 

“Marlene, I don’t know how else to tell you this, but,” he could feel his tone rising. He was starting to get upset. “I don’t have the luxury of time right now to redo the last week of work by myself. Especially when he wants it by today. I don’t have the fucking time. All because he doesn’t like me. I don’t have the time. Take me off the fucking project.” 

“I’m sorry what? What even happened in this meeting?” Sirius wished she had just been there. He wished she watched it happen, because the idea of going through all of the gory details all over again made his skin crawl. 

“Her,” It was probably unfair to place that much emphasis on the word, as though it was Marlene’s fault, “client told me to start over, and when I asked him for any feedback, he essentially told me that if I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with it that I should be out of a job.” 

“You’re being dramatic, Sirius! He didn’t say that! He just said that–” She paused, and Sirius assumed it was because that was exactly what Remus had said. “that you were the artist, not him.”

“Marlene, we don’t let our junior designers take project lead most of the time. I know you really wanted him on this project, but one of the reasons that junior designers don’t lead projects is because a team of two designers on one project is less likely to get bullied. Start cc’ing me on all your emails, I’ll be overseeing this project. “ Alice was speaking with conviction and grace, something Sirius knew he lacked.  He knew that lacking in that made him hard to root for, but he didn’t care. 

“Can I clear out my schedule from these meetings? I really don’t want to even look at them anymore.” He wished he didn’t sound like a kicked puppy right now.

“No.” Alice affirmed, “You are not about to let a client bully you out of your job. Besides, I’m overseeing this project, and this relationship. If you’re not there, there is no relationship.” She really had an air about her that made her hard to question. Sirius wished he had that. 

With that, the conversation was over. Neither Marlene nor Sirius look satisfied, but Alice has provided her mentee as good of a solution as he was probably going to get right now. And effectively Marlene got what she wanted. Sirius was still on the project. 

“Both of you, take the day to cool off. I’ll be getting in touch with the client later today to make sure that our client relationship terms are actually being upheld. Something tells me he didn’t read them.” 

Sirius nodded numbly. He felt emotionally tapped out. There was no way that this was going to work. How was he supposed to juggle all of this, on top of his already stressful life. So instead, he logged off, like Alice suggested. He was not going to be logging back on any time soon. He could practically guarantee that. 

Sirius found his way to the couch, with its ever inviting comfort. All of the coziness of falling asleep, none of the bedroom associated trauma. That was definitely a bonus. Falling asleep on the couch always seemed far safer than falling asleep in his bed. There was less likelihood of nightmares, less anxiety, less flashbacks. It was a wonder Sirius ever made it to bed. Today, he didn’t. He sat on the sectional, curling himself into a small ball in the corner, and turned on something low intensity. He put on a documentary series about penguins, which felt like it would be soothing, and before he knew it, he was asleep. 

He was lucky when he logged out of his email, it auto populated his Out of Office message. Or at least, usually he thought that. Today he would have rather died, then have that functionality turned on. Because he was sure it was what prompted Remus to wake him from his peaceful nap with a call. 

Well, peaceful was a strong word. It definitely had its own fair share of thrashing, but Sirius would take thrashing and nightmares he couldn’t remember over this phone call. He dreads it until he slides the accept call button.

“Sirius Black.” He begins, because what is there to say. His voice sounded thick with exhaustion. He could hear it.

“We need to get that meeting on the calendar.” Didn’t Remus know he could just send a calendar invite? This remote thing wasn’t nearly as complicated as he made it out to be. 

“I’m out of office Remus.” His tone was dripping with contempt. He didn’t want this. He wanted to sleep. 

“You’re always out of office. You never answer when i call you, it’s fucking nutty how hard I have to work to get you on the phone.” 

“It wouldn’t be if you could just check the google calendar or get your nose out of my business.” Sirius didn’t know he was feeling this spicy today. But apparently, he was enjoying controlled confrontation.  

“i don’t think that’s—“ 

“Stop asking people why I’m not in office. It’s none of your business.” He wasn't pulling any punches right now. He was going to get this man off of his back. “It’s fucking weird. I don’t know you.”

“I was just–“ Remus wasn’t going to get a word in edgewise. Sirius wasn’t going to let him. 

“And for that matter, it shouldn’t matter whether or not I’m remote. It seems to bother you so much, but you were the one who tried to put me on the project. You were the one who asked Marlene about it. I’ve been remote since before you got picked up, it’s not news to anyone else on the team. It’s weird that you’re so concerned with me.”

“You were the one who—“

“That was a big fucking mistake.” Sirius spit in response. Sure, he wanted to see Remus again when he had asked him on that date. But putting it all in perspective, he couldn’t do that. And he didn’t like that Remus was pressing everyone for the details of his personal life. He would rather cut this off here, not risk the court date and the details being aired out. Especially not since they could be used to take Regulus from him. He couldn’t risk it. 

“What was the point of it then? Why’d you ask me and then pull this?” Remus’s voice sounded small. Like he was going to cry. 

“I liked you until you started prying into my life. I don’t need more people running around trying to dig up information on me.” Sirius shouldn’t have said that. He felt it in his chest, but he couldn’t take it back now. He practically wants to scream, you could have just waited, I would have explained. But he could not do that, because it definitely wasn’t true. 

“Oh.” That’s all Remus said, before he clicked the phone off and hung up. 

Sirius didn’t have the time to think about that. He just didn’t. While six months ago he would have spiralled out of control thinking about what that short “oh” meant, but he couldn’t spend that time right now. Shit. What time even was it? He checked the time when his eyes began to focus again, and took a moment to try to collect himself. It was half past five, and he had no time because Regulus would be home from football in twenty minutes and Sirius needed to have dinner on the table. So he jumped off of the couch, and tore from the living room area into the kitchen. What was he even going to make? How would he even pull this together? 

He was moving at a speed he wasn’t sure he even possessed these days. He was running through what he could make mentally, trying not to come up with anything that would wear on him too heavily or signal a lack of effort to Regulus. It was a fine line that he walked every night. When food was too terrifyingly bland, too ashen in his mouth, and too overwhelming to his mind, how did he settle on something comforting for his brother? And on top of that, he needed to be quick.  He was running out of time.  He grabbed a jar of pasta sauce that he had made earlier in the week, and a box of spaghetti, and hoped that this would be enough. It wasn’t good enough to stand up to the chefs in the Black family home, but then again, he didn’t think Regulus wanted that anyways. 

When Regulus finally walked through the door, Sirius was almost done cooking. He had meatballs in a pan, the pasta was strained, and the sauce was warm. Maybe this would be enough. Maybe he would have done enough for them to just enjoy dinner, and have a normal night. 

“Hey, Siri.” Regulus looked calm for the first time in a long time. Hopefully tonight would be a good night. Hopefully they could have a normal meal, laugh and smile and have a good time. It would be nice. 

“Hey, Reg.” Sirius replies, putting together a bowl for his younger brother. He wanted so badly to just let things be normal. He puts one together for himself as well, and brings them over to the table.  If he needed to do it, he would. He didn’t want to be anything other than a positive force in Regulus’s life. He didn’t want to cause problems for him. “How was school?” 

Regulus looks up, god, when did his eyes start looking so sad. Where did the light he used to have in his eyes go? Had Sirius really missed so much  of his life? “School was fine. Kind of long. They sent me  to the  social worker today. Grilled me on what it was like living with you.”

Sirius felt his eyes go wide. Sure, it wasn’t surprising that they did, but still, it terrified him. 

“I told them everything was awful, obviously.” Regulus chuckled, and for a moment, Sirius’s heart dropped. However, in a moment, he was laughing right along with Regulus. Of course it was a joke. He hadn’t told them that, because he didn’t want to go back. Sirius was terrified of anyone taking Regulus, but Regulus seemed to be terrified of being taken away. At least today, he seemed to be. “I told them it’d be easier to get acclimated if someone stopped mum and dad from taking us to court all  the time.” That statement was smaller, more fearful. It was as if Regulus was afraid he had done something wrong. 

“Mate, I–” Sirius began, but Regulus stopped him, “Siri you can’t stop them. You don’t need to apologize to me.” 

That sentence could have made him crumble. It probably would have, if they weren’t interrupted by a knock at the door.  Sirius felt himself jump, and he watched Regulus do the same. God, Sirius wished they weren’t so fucking damaged. He wished that any noises that they didn’t know was coming didn’t startle them.  He wished they hadn’t been conditioned to be afraid for so many years. But then the key is clicking into the lock, and  Sirius is jumping up. He  doesn’t want this right now. He can’t do this right now. He knows it’s Jamie as soon as the sound of the tumblers click into place.  So he walked over  to the door with speed and a mission. He would keep them out of his home if he could help  it,  because he couldn’t do this tonight. They needed a calm night at home, a night of peace and family time, and Regulus was shifting uncomfortably  in the chair. 

“Jamie, you can’t  be here.”  Sirius began, before he even opened the door. 

“Mate, you didn’t come to the family dinner. We wanted to see you, so we came  to you,” James laughed and when Sirius looked around, it was the team. Including Remus. 

“No,” Sirius puts his foot behind the door,  holding it closed with only  his head poking out. 

“But Sirius it’s been forever since anyone’s seen you,” Peter called from behind him.  

“No, lads. Go home. It’s a school night.”  Sirius wasn’t budging. In fact, he was pleading.

“You don’t have a kid.” Remus called, clearly looking bitter. Sirius wanted to scream that he didn’t know what he’s talking about, because he didn’t.

“Go home, guys. You can’t come in. It’s a school night.” He repeated. They couldn’t. He didn’t want Reg to be so uncomfortable, which he clearly was. 

“Fine.” James looked irritated. Sirius understood why. He understood that he had forgotten the plans James made, but at the same time, he couldn’t juggle this right now. He didn’t have the time for all of this. He knew he had been MIA from his friend’s lives, but this wasn’t forever. It was just until he was done with all of these hearings. Just until his parents would stop. Just until Regulus felt more comfortable. Just until the chaos ended. 

Sirius returned from the door, and sat down at the table again. He didn’t really care to talk about it, but his brother looked so guilty that he felt like he had to. 

“They could’ve come in. I would’ve eaten in my room.” His eyes welled with tears, and he looked so deeply uncomfortable. 

“Reg, this is your house. Not theirs.”  Sirius responded with as much authority  as he could muster, but he definitely didn’t want to scare him. He didn’t want to seem like his parents, he didn’t want to behave the way that they did ever. It was a fine line to walk, and he knew it would get harder when he needed to put his foot down, be a disciplinarian in any way. But for right now, that wasn’t a concern of his. Right now he was much more focused on making this a welcoming environment. It needed to be comfortable for him before they could handle anything else.  

“It’s your house, you can have people over if you want.” Regulus’s voice sounded thick with concern, laced with guilt. Sirius was terrified that he was royally screwing this whole thing up. He wanted to be a good brother, a good guardian, a support system. “I don’t wanna cause problems.” There it was, the sentence before the crumble.  Sirius could see it coming, because it was like looking into the past. Regulus reminded him of himself so much that it hurt sometimes. 

“Reg, mate,”  he started, and then he stood up (and pretended that he wasn’t seeing stars). “You aren’t causing problems,” in just a moment, he was beside his younger brother and his arm was wrapped around the teen’s shoulders. “I’m so glad you’re here. All I’ve ever wanted is to get you out of there. I just couldn’t before. The council wouldn’t let me.” 

“But– but–” Reg was stuttering and spiralling, “If I wasn’t here they wouldn’t be taking us to court all the time, there wouldn’t be private investigators, you wouldn’t have to worry.” His words felt like burns on Sirus’s skin. It felt like a vice gripped his heart, and all he wanted to do was support his brother.  All he wanted was for everything to finally be okay. 

“Reg, look at me.” Sirius’s calloused hand gently pulled his brother’s shoulder to face him. “I want you here. I have wanted you here since I left. I missed having my kid brother around, alright?” 

“Oh,” Reg responded, but he had already become despondent and detached. He wasn’t coming back from the stress and the emotional turmoil tonight. Sirius understood. He had been like that when he first left. Hell, he was still like that. He didn’t have the energy to do for himself what he had done for Regulus, by getting him the best treatment he could, and making sure to keep him together. He was trying to do for Regulus what Euphemia and Monty had done for him. He knew that he wasn’t measuring up to them, but he was trying. He knew that he had taken for granted what they had done, he was re-engaging in behaviors that weren’t healthy for him. Things they had worked so hard to pull him out of. But he was trying, and he didn’t have the time to take care of all of those old behaviors that had flared up. He didn’t have the energy to work on himself, when he had all of this going on. 

Shortly thereafter, Regulus decided to go to bed. Sirius understood, it had been a lot of effort to go to school, and footie, and deal with the stress of Sirius’s friends showing up out of nowhere. And Sirius was thankful in a way, because he was about to rip into James for doing this again. He should know better. Within minutes, he was ringing James and seething. He can barely wait until the phone is done ringing to start going in on him.

“Jamie, you can’t fucking do that to me.” He began, “You can’t just bring people to my fucking house, especially not people who don’t know what is going on. I can’t have people over– they have a fucking PI looking into me, documenting everyone who’s here, when they’re here. I can’t have a bunch of people over on a fucking school night! They’re going to try to take him from me over the smallest fucking thing, let alone having several twenty somethings over in the middle of the week out of nowhere!” He was not even taking a moment to breathe, “How could you fucking do that to me? Why do you want to help them?  I can’t even fucking leave my house without being fucking interrogated about it every two weeks in court! You can’t bring people here!” He reached up to push his curly black hair out of his eyes, and he realized that he was crying. He was really caught off guard by it. 

James waited a moment, before responding. James was always much better about keeping his cool than Sirius had ever been, and if he was honest, Sirius appreciated it. He appreciated that James kept it together when he couldn’t. “Sirius, I didn’t know. I don’t want you to get him taken from you. I’m sorry.”

“Jamie they can’t do it– they can’t take him– I can’t let them–” Now it was Sirius’s turn to spiral. The anger had subsided, and all that was left was his fear. He was terrified that he was going to lose his brother again, and he couldn’t handle that. 

“Siri– a judge would have to be mad to take him from you.” While that might have been true, it didn’t quell Sirius’s fears. 

“They have so much money, Jamie. They have so much power. They can do whatever they want and get away with it. It doesn’t matter if it’s legal.” Sirius wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear. He was so terrified, and there was nothing that anyone could do to make this less terrifying. It was almost terrifying just how much power the Black family actually held. Sirius wasn’t sure that he could do enough to stand up to them. 

“I’m worried about you, Pads.” James let out a sigh, it seemed like this was a conversation he was dreading having. “You’re alone all the time. You never go anywhere. You’ve been lashing out at people— Pads, I can’t remember the last time it was this bad.” He sounded almost as terrified as Sirius felt. 

“I see them more now than I have in years, Prongs. I can’t handle this.” His voice is breaking. He was trying so hard not to lose it, but it hadn’t worked and it probably wouldn’t anytime soon. 

“You haven’t been seeing your counselor.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. 

“You don’t know that.” He was right, Sirius hadn’t been seeing his counselor. 

“Yeah I do. You’re online when you usually see her. Is it about the money? Me and Lil can help you out with money.” Sirius hadn’t expected to be called out like that. He didn’t have the energy to handle this conversation right now. 

“I can’t do this right now.” Sirius responded, “I’ve gotta go.” He didn’t really, he just wanted to be alone. He just wanted to not talk about it anymore, pretend everything was fine, dissociate for hours. That was what he wanted. It was completely unremarkable. 

[hockeylvr59]

Positive Part 2 || Kevin Hayes

Requested: [ ] yes [x] no

Authors Note: I’ve had a good portion of this draft sitting around for months but I absolutely hated it. Finally was able to rework it into something I like a little bit better so hopefully, you all enjoy it as well. Before you ask I have no idea where this could go from here so if you have any thoughts, send them my way. 

Warnings: cursing, more angst

Word Count: 1,692

~~~~~~~

Pregnant. You were really pregnant. 

The weight of that word crushed down on you and a fresh set of sobs overtook your body. This couldn’t be real...except it was. While you were normally a very level headed person, it was like your brain had shut down entirely and all you could do was sob into Kristen’s shoulder as she pulled you into her arms. You were so lost that you completely missed what had happened next. 

Jimmy Hayes walked through the door. He spotted his wife holding a sobbing woman. He stepped closer out of concern and his eyes fell to the pregnancy tests. When he looked back at his wife she was mouthing two words to him ‘call Kevin’. It was only then that he realized who the crying woman was and the mess that he had just walked into and he nodded, pulling his phone out of his pocket as he headed to the backyard. All it had taken was the utterance of your name and the statement that Kevin needed to come home for an agreement to be made. It didn’t matter that Kevin was halfway across the country. It didn’t matter that he was supposed to play a game that night. None of that mattered because you needed him to come home. 

As you attempted to pull yourself together, thanking Kristen but stating that you needed to be alone for a little while, you had no idea that Kevin had called his coach about a family emergency before booking a flight to Boston. As you stumbled into your apartment knowing that nothing would ever be the same again, you had no idea that Kevin was on his way to you, worried about what possibly could have happened to cause his brother to call him in a panic. As you climbed into the shower because your efforts of falling asleep to wake and find that this was all a dream had failed, you had no idea that Kevin was pacing back and forth in the living room of his brother’s house becoming frustrated by the lack of information he was being given. And as you threw on an old rangers sweatshirt that had once belonged to Kevin, you had no idea that the man himself was standing outside your door. 

And then he knocked. 

The sound startled you and you sighed wondering who the hell would be at your door this late. Throwing it open you had every intention of telling whoever it was to go the hell away because you weren’t in the mood. Instead, your eyes were met with the familiar frame of someone that you had considered one of your closest friends, someone who was supposed to be anywhere but here, someone who had turned your life upside down. Immediately, your eyes started to water because it seemed like all you could do lately was cry, but you quickly pushed the tears away, a neutral expression settling onto your face. As you battled your emotions, Kevin pushed his way inside your apartment, his arms crossed in front of his chest. Seeing him just waltz in sparked a wave of anger inside you and you practically growled at him.

“What the hell are you doing here Kevin?”

“Jim called me,” Kevin stated. “Told me I needed to come home because you needed me but wouldn’t tell me why. So care to enlighten me?” His tone held just a bit too much snark for your brain to handle and you cursed Kevin’s family for pulling him into this. 

“Well, I don’t need you so you can go back to your team.” You snapped. “I didn’t ask him to call you.” You added, now cursing yourself for turning to Kevin’s family in the first place. 

“That’s bullshit and you know it.” Kevin threw back, his frustration now seeping through. You could feel his heavy gaze but were oblivious to the fact that his brain was quickly making note of the fact that you were wearing his sweatshirt, you appeared paler than usual, and you’d clearly been crying recently. “You look like you haven’t slept in weeks, you’ve obviously been crying, and my brother and sister-in-law could only give me pity eyes while refusing to tell me what the hell was going on other than that you’d been there earlier. So please fucking tell me what the hell is going on Y/N!” 

The sound of his raised voice caused a fresh set of tears to form in your eyes but you quickly shook your head, once again pushing them back. 

“Get out Kevin.” You stated, voice low but serious. “Just go.” 

“I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s going on,” Kevin demanded, his body crowding forward to trap you against the back of the couch. Shoving at his chest you cursed him. 

“Kevin. Get the fuck out of my apartment.” You repeated, too afraid of getting hurt and too hormonal to open up to him. 

Kevin pulled away and for a moment you thought he was actually going to leave before he paused in the middle of your living room. 

“Fuck, fine. If you aren’t going to talk to me then you can just fucking listen.” His fingers raked through his hair as he paced. “You know...since you’re the one that decided the conversation was over before...it’s my turn. Fuck...I never should have let you leave. I just...I couldn’t believe it.” Kevin’s tone slowly started shifting from angry to vulnerable to resigned. 

“I thought you knew. The trip, the date, that night, my proposition....how could you not know that I love you.” He mumbled. “Everyone else knows that I love you. That I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember. I know I’m shitty at expressing it but I could have sworn that by Sunday night you knew and felt the same way. I’ve been kicking myself for not stopping you...for not making you see. You said it was a mistake because I don’t love you the way you love me. But Y/N I’m pretty sure I do. But if you want me to go I’ll go. I just...I can’t leave without making sure you knew. I love you. So this not working...that’s on you, not me. Because I was willing to do whatever it takes.”  

You couldn’t recall ever hearing Kevin say so much in one sitting, and you’d certainly never seen him so vulnerable. With your brain overwhelmed by the emotional dump he’d just done on you, you didn’t even realize he was gone until you heard the click of the door. 

Without even realizing it, you were racing out after him two words quickly falling from your lips and echoing down the hall. 

“I’m pregnant.” 

For a moment you worried that he hadn’t heard you. But then you watched him stop in the middle of the hallway. His fingers ran through his hair. Your eyes fell closed not wanting to see him walk out of your life completely even though you wouldn’t have blamed him in the slightest. They stayed closed until the weight of a warm hand fell to your hip and a feather-light touch brushed against your cheek. Peeking up, your eyes met his which were filled with nothing but warmth even as tears fell from them. 

“Oh thank god.” Kevin eventually murmured and the fact that those were the first words to come out of his mouth took you by complete surprise.  

“What?” You questioned, as you reached up to tangle your fingers in the fabric of Kevin’s shirt afraid that he would just disappear if you didn’t hold on tight.

“I said, oh thank god,” Kevin repeated, a prideful smirk growing on his face. “I’m not gonna be upset that you’re having my baby sweetheart. Jim had me fearing that something was actually wrong. This...this isn’t a problem...this is a blessing.” Kevin’s reaction had you feeling like you had whiplash because it was completely opposite to how you were feeling. Your body frozen in place, Kevin took two steps forward, ushering you back through your apartment door before turning and pinning you against it. His thumb brushed over your cheek again and he chuckled, shaking his head. 

“I’m gonna be a dad.” He murmured, the hand that had been on your face dropping down to caress your stomach lightly. Though you swore you couldn’t possibly have any more tears to cry, suddenly your cheeks were wet again. Why you were crying you couldn’t even express but it seemed to be the only way your brain could cope with all of this. 

“Shh…” Kevin whispered, attempting to soothe you. The rollercoaster of emotion from the past fifteen minutes seemed to finally get the best of you when you felt your stomach twist for the nth time in the past week or so. Throwing a hand over your mouth, you pushed Kevin aside and bolted for the toilet, kneeling over it while bile made its way out of your body. 

Almost immediately, a warm hand fell to your back, rubbing gently until you had finished puking before guiding you into a strong chest as you continued to cry. 

“Sweetheart...we’ll figure all of this out.” He insisted. “It’s okay. We’re okay.” When you still couldn’t stop crying, Kevin lifted you into his arms and carefully carried you back to your bedroom, laying you down and pulling you onto his chest. 

“Don’t go.” You whimpered, clinging to him. 

“I’m not going anywhere.” He promised, tilting your chin up to press his lips against yours in a feather-light kiss. You were certain it had to be gross because you hadn’t brushed your teeth since vomiting, but Kevin didn’t seem to mind, instead just whispering softly to you about how excited he was, how much he loves you and how sorry he was for not just saying it earlier. 

It was with his voice in your ear, his body below you, and his hand on your stomach that you finally cried yourself to sleep, praying that tomorrow you’d feel better. 

[adiabolikpastel]

Title: Nineteen Nuptials

Rating: PG

Word Count: 1,630

ღ Written for Yuuki’s birthday. Marking three years in the Sakamaki's care. Worried about the future, Yuuki tries to cope with the fears inside. While Kanato is never the most comforting, perhaps on this special night he can calm Yuuki's mind. ღ

Mun Yu: It may not be perfect, but I am so happy that I got this done in time! Please enjoy this turning point in the Kanuki ship!

☆+ ﾟ .+ .ﾟ.ﾟ｡ ﾟ ｡. +ﾟ ｡ﾟ.ﾟ｡☆*｡｡ . ｡ o .｡ﾟ｡.o｡* ｡ .｡

The night was cool and crisp. Somewhat reminiscent of an evening in autumn, even though it was only June. School had been finished for some months now. With this past graduation, there was no one left attending school. Despite this, the Sakamaki manor was still rather quiet. Without school to occupy their time, everyone simply found something else to do.

Reiji had taken to spending time in the Demon Realm. He wanted to further his understanding of life there, planning to make the move one day. Leaving Rika (@silencieux-aube) to pursue her own career goals, though it was not as though they were always apart. Shu would join him on occasion. Surprisingly enough, once the two of them had finished school, they started to interact more. Though it was mostly still arguing, there seem to be this understanding of the future between the two - everyone else did not understand.

Ayato had all but moved out. Most of his time was spent out with Yuko (@pureblood-prey), though that was not surprising. The two of them had been together for a long time as well, and it was only natural for thing to continue to progress. After all, Yuko had long since graduated and was on her way to becoming a respectable Police Officer – despite her delinquent lover.

Laito had moved out the moment he graduated high school, and had been out of the house for about four months now. Yuki went along with him, to everyone’s surprise. They hadn’t really been back to see anyone, but perhaps that is because Laito wanted a clean break from the family. Every now and then he would reach out via text or upload a photo on social media.

Subaru was still around, he and Akumu made their day to day routines quite known. With it not being too long after graduation, Subaru was getting used to living his life for his own reasons. This was a rough topic for the youngest Sakamaki, but thankfully he had Akumu to help. Since Shu no longer needed him, Akumu was able to strictly focus on Subaru.

Which left Kanato and Yuuki, who were taking total advantage of Yuuki’s freedom from school. Unbothered by the ideas of the future, the two of them spent their days enjoying themselves. For the past four months they had done nothing truly productive. Kanato had even refused to go to any further schooling until Yuuki was finished with high school. Even now the talks of what to do next never really came up for the two of them. Though, inside, Yuuki was curious about their future.

What was it that Kanato wanted with her? Was there even a possibility for them to have a real future? As her birthday approached, Yuuki felt herself worrying more about her increasing age. While she would continue to grow, Kanato would stay young. What if she grows too old and he leaves her? Would there be a time when he would want to change her? Does that mean that they would be married? What does it really mean to be long term dating an immortal creature?

On the night of her Birthday, Yuuki stood in the drawing room, looking out at the setting sun. It had been now three years since she first came to live here. On instinct she began to reach up to her neck, searching to the choker from her mother, but stopped as she remembered it was long gone. How could she be so okay with all of this? After all, her mother died the day she was taken. Her birthday was nothing but the anniversary of it, and yet… she couldn’t truly bring herself to be sad.

Her mother had been such a kind woman. Always telling Yuuki to find the good in other people, no matter how awful their actions. Though through the years, it was hard to recall just what her mother’s voice sounded like. Even her initial anger towards her murder had started to fade, at least for that reason. Just what was it about these years that caused her to change so much? There was now this, disconnect from the world, which she couldn’t quite explain. Past or Future. It didn’t seem to matter if it wasn’t about –

“What are you doing?” Kanato’s voice stirred her from thought. His sleepy form stood in the door way, Teddy clenched in his arms, as he wipes the sleep form his eyes.

Yuuki looked at her keeper. This monster, whom had captivated her life – her being – for the past three years. Her every thought and dream, were about him. There wasn’t a moment that passed where a vision on him did not cross her mind. “You’re awake, Kanato-san.” She smiles, abandoning her spot by the window to move towards him.

“It’s too early… why would you be… oh…” Kanato stops as something seemed to click in his mind. “It’s tonight right… you are expected me to have something prepared?” He glares at the girl, the nerve of her, to think that he would waste time.

Yuuki shakes her head and simply walks over, moving to take one of Kanato’s hands, “Of course not, Kanato-san. My greatest gift is you after all, right?”

Kanato is visibly thrown off by her answer, a deep blush spreading on his face. “… Cheeky… I suppose I could be persuaded to do something special for you. Ah, but nothing stupid like you did before.”

Yuuki thinks for a moment, “… Kanato-san… do you think we could… just talk for a while?”

He looks down at his human, annoyed, “Again with these stupid request.” He takes his hand from her grasp and turns in a huff. “If that is all you truly require of me, I can spoil you a little.”

Yuuki smile and thanks Kanato. The two go back to their room, where Yuuki proceeds to talk with Kanato about her recent fears. Of him growing tired of her. Of age continuing to separate them. Her desire to be with him for eternity. Kanato mostly allowed for her to talk, having little to say in response. When it felt like she was done, he simply sat for a moment.

“Um… Kanato-san…? I… sorry if this all is catching you off guard I just… we’re finally at this point and I…” Yuuki hadn’t meant to get emotional, but she could feel tears start to sting her eyes. “I just… I don’t want to be without you and if… you ever got tired of me … or if I got too old - I…”

Kanato allowed Yuuki to cry for a while on her own. These were all things he had never thought about, yet here she was worrying over it. To a vampire, the idea of time is lost. Kanato has no sense of urgency, no need to worry about growing too old. So of course he would never trouble himself thinking of them in the case of his doll, whom he simply assumed would always stay the same. However, that wasn’t the case. From when she arrived till now, Yuuki had already changed, while he stayed the same.

Yuuki cried softly for a while, and the more she did, the worse she felt. Didn’t Kanato even care? Was he just waiting for her to stop? Why wasn’t he saying anything? The fear of his rejection was swelling inside, and Yuuki couldn’t bare it any longer. “Please say something Kanato-san! If you hate me so much then-“

Before she could finish her outburst, Yuuki felt herself moving against her will. The room shifted as she felt the soft plush of the bed against her back. Her eyes searched the room to see what happened, but ended looking upward. Kanato was looming over her, his head down, hiding his eyes from hers. She looked up at him, wondering if this was it. This was the moment he decided to be finished with her. Too needy. Too old. Accepting her fate, Yuuki simply musters a smile. She loved Kanato with all her being, if this was to be the end, at least it would be by his hands.

However, Kanato made no moves to harm her. In fact, Yuuki could feel soft trembles on against her shoulder where Kanato held her. Then, sudden drops of water fell into her face. “… You just decide that on your own?” His voice was tumbling, “All of these thoughts… why is it that I must think them!?”

Yuuki still could not see Kanato’s eyes, but she could tell that he was crying. Not like the usually does for attention. “Kanato-san-“

“You are my doll! I decided what becomes of you! Why do you worry about these things!? I have chosen you! Your life is not something you get to decided anymore!” Kanato finally lifts his head to look down at her eyes. His tone was stern but his expression was full of sadness. “You cannot think of leaving me! Not even think of me leaving you! You are my doll!” He yells.

Yuuki looks up at him. The millions of thoughts that once raced through her mind, now fell silent. With the biggest smile she nods happily, “You’re right! Kanato-san… I’m yours forever.” She laughs a little, still feeling like she could cry, but for a different reason.

The future may not be spelled out, but it didn’t need to be. Yuuki would be able to live her life, how ever Kanato saw fit her to. There was no need to worry about aging, schooling, or anything a normal human would. She belonged to a vampire. Her future was in his hands, there was no need to worry about where that might lead. For every path, led directly to Kanato.

[aikoeisbon]

Hi there! I was wondering if you could write a Levi x Reader fic where reader has PTSD (nightmares and/or whatever of a squad member kept making inappropriate jokes and made reader feel uncomfortable and they weren’t handling it strongly enough). Levi kind of notices their shut down behaviour or whatever? Hurt comfort? You don’t have to but the self harm u wrote was therapeutic for him and also this request is as well. No pressure tho! Most prefer not to write such triggering subjects ^^”

Of course. I suffer from a lot of these things myself, which is why I write them. It's a way I cope, so I hope my writings are therapeutic to others as well❤️

One of Those Days

Levi x Reader

TW: PTSD, Abuse/Trauma/Death

Levi had just begun to dose off when he felt your body stiffen beneath his arm, and no sooner than he had noticed that, you began to tremble as well.

"Another one of those nights.", he thought as he tightened his grip on your waist, pulling your back against his chest. As you began to whimper, he nuzzled into your neck.

"I'm here," He murmured, holding you securely against him. "I'm here." Your eyes shot open, your body jolting as your brain forced you out of a nightmare- a nightmare you once lived through. Tears leaked down your cheeks and you shudder, pulling your hands to your face to muffle quiet sobs. Levi knew what was happening. He knew what hell you had endured and was here to remind you he was there to ensure you never experienced such trauma again. He would protect you, even from yourself if need be.

"Levi... I can't- I can't do this anymore." You quivered, your voice shaking along with your violent tremors. You felt as thought you couldn't catch your breath, that suddenly Levi was too close and you needed room to breathe.

"Yes you can. You lived through it, it can't get any worse." Levi loosened his hold on you as you wiggled away, sitting up in bed and cradling yourself. "Talk through it baby." Your husband mumbled, adjusting the way he was laying to prop himself up on one arm, resting his head in one hand and reaching out for your leg with the other. He knew that touching you- even something as simple as an absentminded rubbing of your leg- helped keep you from disassociating by making you feel grounded. At first, you struggled to speak as you began to go through the motions of your trauma that had just relived itself through your nightmare. As you continued, the tears fell more freely, and your sentences became more fluid as well. Levi took note of this- you were feeling, not speaking matter-of-fact about your trauma as you usually did on nights like these. When you were finished talking, he relayed that observation to you. "I'm proud of you." He commented. "It's progress. See, you can do it."

The rough night had left it's mark on your face, your tired eyes and dark bags matching your husband's common countenance. You fidgeted with your wedding ring as you took your place among the lunch table with other cadets. Having gone through training earlier that morning, you were just now feeling the full effect of your fatigue.

"You okay there, y/n?" Eren wondered as you sat your tray down.

"Just fine. Why?" You replied with a forcibly positive tone.

"You look like you've seen a titan." Conny stated, his mouth half-full and drawing the others' attention.

"Other things as terrifying as titans exist." Mikasa stated coldly, warranting Jean's attention.

"Like Captain Levi. Conny's right, so... If it wasn't a titan, did you get into a fight with him?"

"Eren, normal people find titans to be much scarier than a short old man. Be a suicidal manic and rush towards their gaping mouths all you want, but I'd rather get beaten and strangled by the Captain daily than see one of those giant freaks ever again." Jean's words forced your blood to run cold. You had to fight to keep yourself from reacting, and your internal focus drowned out Mikasa's stifled laughter about the statement regarding your husband.

"You don't know what he's like! He's strong enough to kill dozens of titans in the blink of an eye, you think he wouldn't snap your neck like a twig?!" Eren slammed his fists on the table.

"Honestly... the only person that scares me more than Captain Levi is Squad Leader Hange... Did you hear those screams when Sannes was getting tortured?" Conny added with a wide-eyed expression. The entire table became grim, nodding in agreement.

"...On second thought, I'd prefer being kept in the cell for the rest of my life than being forced to scream like that." Eren spoke quietly.

"There are worse things than titans and the two others." Armin piped in. "Sex traffickers, organ harvesters, cannibalists, rapists-"

"You could easily kill all of those without getting squished like a titan would. What idiot would get themselves caught in a situation like that anyways?" Jean snorted. His world was flipped upside down without a moment's notice as Levi yanked him from his seat and dropped him to the ground.

Your husband had been listening in from some distance away. His cheerful, noisy wife had fallen silent, and he immediately recognized what the stiffness in your body meant the second he looked over. Only then he began paying attention to what was said from his table. He heard his name come up a few times, watched from the corner of his eye as you pushed your untouched tray of food away from you. Then, when the dark, flippant comments of traumatic topics began, Levi rose from his table among the other commanders and made his way towards you.

"You've got quite the mouth for a boy who's never lived the horrors you mock." Levi spat as he stood above the man sprawled on the ground. "And what were those comments about me?" He inquired, glaring daggers as he shot the rest of the group a sidelong glance. The expressions on all of their faces could equate to one thing: "oh shit, he heard us." In the meantime, Sasha took the opportunity to sneak food off of your tray. "Tch." Levi stepped away from Jean, allowing him to upright himself as he reached for your shoulder. A simple touch, a reminder that he was here to protect you from the memories that plagued you. Without so much as a word, you got up to follow him into another room where the two of you ate lunch in peaceful privacy. Jean rubbed the back of his head as he plopped back onto his benchseat.

"I take what I said back about Captain Levi... He's scarier than a titan."

[ayamari-no-goshi]

Eidolon 15 | (T)

ff.net | AO3

Fandom: Danny Phantom (DP)

Summary:  AU: What started off as the result of a simple act of rebellion ends up causing his life to spin out of control. How will young Danny cope with the results as well as a past that has a strange habit of coming back to haunt him.

Warnings: rated T for violence, mentions of death, kidnapping, and various other things

Chapter warnings: Entrapment

Parings: hints of Danny/Sam much later on

Notes: originally uploaded to Ff.net. Cross-posted to AO3 and tumbl

15.  Unraveling Secrets

"Danny… Danny… It's time to get up…"

The dark haired boy's form remained unresponsive and face down on the bed which had been brought in for him. Hesitantly, Maddie ran her hand through the boy's dark locks. After finding out the child was her son, she had wanted to keep her distance from him. Not only did she not know how to connect to him, but he was already turning into a monster. Sure, he seemed fine now, but it was only a matter of time before he was corrupted.

But, try as she might, when she saw him in such a bruised and battered form, she couldn't help herself. If only she and Jack could have completed their work… or if she had been able to expose Vlad for what he really was, then maybe Danny would have had a completely normal life. But it was useless to dwell on 'what ifs'; they held no purpose other than to draw her into a darker state of mind. It didn't matter he could still take a human appearance. The fact of the matter was Danny was no longer human, and nothing was going to change it.

Unsurprisingly, Danny was not taking the drastic change to his life all that well. He still was having difficulty understanding how he was a ghost, even though he had never died. His confusion was only made worse when he learned Vlad's abilities were gained artificially, unlike him. It was made worse by the various accidents he would have throughout the day. His body was still trying to settle from the unnatural awaking it received and would occasionally surge with power and cause one of his powers to activate unintentionally. It usually wasn't too bad, unless he managed to get his arm or leg stuck in something.

Vlad refused to give him time to adjust either. Every day, usually shortly after breakfast, he would unceremoniously take Danny and train him. Though Vlad had assured her he was only trying to help the boy gain control, Maddie remained suspicious. If Danny was simply learning how to handle his basic powers, than there was no reason for him to return covered in cuts and bruises. Both she and Jazz had tried to get him to explain what exactly Vlad was doing to him, but he rarely answered, usually due to exhaustion.

What really surprised her was how well Jazz had taken to the role of big sister. Though she hesitantly had agreed to not let Danny know they were family, she quickly began to bond with and fuss over him. At first Danny was unsure how to respond to her attention, but soon learned to accept it. The two of them were truly beginning to look like siblings. Maddie attributed it to Jazz's uncanny ability to adjust to ghosts.

For years, the only interaction she and Jazz had were Vlad and his ghostly servants who looked after them. Though she was very wary towards them, Jazz turned towards them for companionship for years. She never seemed bothered by their unnatural appearances and abilities. It even got to the point where one of the servants, a teenage ghost by the name of Ember, had become so close to Jazz, she willing tried to help them escape. The result was disastrous in more ways than one. The escape failed, and Jazz lost her friend. Until that point in time, Maddie didn't know it was possible to destroy a ghost.

Though it took time, Jazz did bounce back from the event, but she was more hesitant to become too friendly with them. Perhaps this was the reason she had latched onto Danny. Vlad needed him, so Danny was more protected against possible 'digressions' he may commit against Vlad. But, Jazz didn't know her brother was not going to remain the same, and Maddie didn't have the heart to tell her.

A slight groan indicated to her Danny was finally starting to wake. She moved away as he slowly sat up and stretched. "I don't understand it…" he finally mumbled after several minutes as he moved off the bed which had been brought in for him. "There are no clocks… anywhere… How do you know what time it is?"

Maddie raised an eyebrow at the question. "There is a chiming system built into the walls, which let us know the time. Besides, what would we do with one in this prison?"

He gave her a blank look before shaking his head. "That makes sense… I guess… But, he doesn't even have clocks in the main part of the house."

That was a surprise. But now that she thought about it, she had noticed Vlad had an odd aversion to clocks, even when he was working with her and her husband. If one were in the room, he'd either remove it, turn it around so the face was towards the wall, or cover it, depending on the size. She had asked him about it once, but he only gave a vague response about a strange and unsettling meeting he had years prior.

"Don't worry about it too much," she told as she directed him towards the breakfast table where Jazz and a stack full of fresh pancakes were waiting for them. "You'll eventually get used to it." Her tone effectively ended the conversation. It was better to leave the man's idiosyncrasies alone. "Now, what would you like to drink?"

"Okay… Oh, I wanted to ask you this last night, but I uh… kinda feel asleep before I could… Has Vlad ever showed you that book?

Maddie dropped the glass she was holding. Jazz gave a cry of concern, but she ignored her in order to stare at the boy. "Wh-what book?"

Danny's expression which had been clouded with exhaustion moments before was now focused and wary. "I don't know what it's called… but it's really old looking and Vlad's been using it like a guidebook or something. Every time we try something new he has to look at it first. Once we're done, he usually checks it out again and gets angry…"

"That's…" she stopped herself before she could say more. She knew exactly what the book was, but anyone who had been under Vlad's supervision for sometime knew to not mention it. But, Danny would have to be warned about it somehow. "I guess Vlad does somewhat consider it like a guide… There are many old stories in it…"

"So… does it have stories about people like… like me…?" A combination of curiosity and unease crossed his face. "Is… that why he looks at it so much?"

Maddie shook her head. "It's best to push it from your mind. Its pages contain dark words and are best left alone. Besides, Vlad has been known to punish people who have asked about it."

"But…!"

"Sweetie, while it's true Vlad seems to take it at face value, it's just a book," Maddie told him in a stern voice which effectively ended the conversation. It was clear he still wanted to argue, but a glare from her kept him silent. Even though she was sure he didn't know she was his biological mother, he knew there was no point in continuing. Perhaps it was a skill all kids had to some extent. She looked at him again as she regained her composure. "There's no point in worrying about it right now. You have practice later, so you might as well eat up. So, what do you want to drink?"

…

Like usual, Vlad returned Danny shortly before dinner. However, unlike the previous times, Danny didn't join them at the table. Instead, he immediately attempted to stumble towards the closest couch. As soon as his body hit the pillow, he fell asleep immediately.

Concerned, Maddie immediately went to check on him. Danny was breathing regularly and there didn't seem to be any new injuries. It was surprising; even with previous injuries, Danny was at least able to have some dinner and freshen up before resting. "What did you do to him?" she demanded of the ghost who was still lingering in the room. "You didn't let that Spectra near him did you?"

A cold glare was her immediate answer. Knowing she wouldn't be deterred, Vlad gave a suffering sigh before properly responding. "Though he will need to learn how to handle creatures like her, I was not planning on introducing them until he had better control of his abilities." He glanced at the boy before continuing. "Apparently, I have been pushing him a little too hard. Though I am anxious for the first phase of my plans to begin, there is still plenty of time. I think I can push back the boy's training for tomorrow until another day." With that, he bid her and Jazz a farewell and disappeared.

Still worried for Danny's wellbeing, Maddie tried to rouse him, but he didn't respond. "Mom… just let him rest for now," Jazz told her softly as she gently tried to pull her away. "He's breathing right? So, let him sleep for a little. You can try and rouse him a little later."

…

It was a little after one in the morning when Maddie decided it was a good time for her to turn in for the night. Looking around the room as she stood up, she caught sight of her children. Jazz had once again managed to fall asleep while reading, so she went over and pulled the covers over her. It was easy to do so as the room was never completely dark. Yes, the lights dimmed around ten at night, but they never actually turned off.

After putting Jazz's book away, she decided to check on Danny. For hours, he hadn't moved, but she was surprised to find him sitting up on the couch, staring at the ceiling. She was about to ask him what he was doing when movement caught her attention. Turning towards the source, she saw a glowing figure coming closer to them. Concerned, she grabbed her staff (which Vlad surprisingly hadn't confiscated yet) and charged it.

Mere inches from the ghost's face, a sharp cry and tug stopped her in her tracks. Glancing to her left, she saw Danny had somehow managed to get up and grab hold of her arm in just a matter of moments. "Stop! Don't touch him… err… me!"

"Wh-what are you talking about?"

Danny hesitantly let go of her once he realized she wasn't actively trying to hurt the ghost. He gestured to the ghost, which she hadn't really taken the time to examine until then. She quickly gasped when she realized the ghost was an exact double of Danny in his ghost form. The only difference was this one was holding a rather old book.

"Sweet! You managed to get it!" Danny told it as it took the book away from it. "Thanks!"

"No problem," the ghost replied before it turned seemingly turned to mist and was absorbed into Danny.

Rather terrified and more than a little startled, she stared at the boy. Words failed her, so she was just left grasping for sounds as he nervously looked down at his feet. "Wh-what…?" she eventually stuttered.

"Uh… that was a duplicate. I found out how to do that by accident a few days ago when Vlad knocked me through a wall," he mumbled as he continued to keep his head down. "But, trying to keep one stable for long periods of time is tricky, that's why I was asleep for so long…"

"You were trying to give energy to the duplicate?" Maddie asked as Danny nodded. In all honesty, she was amazed. Duplication was a rather rare technique which could only be performed by high level ghosts. The only one she had ever encountered who could do so was Vlad, but he had admitted it had taken at least ten years for it to develop. For Danny to begin tapping into it so quickly after his transformation was astounding.

As her amazement began to wane to a more manageable level, she gave the boy in front of her a concerned glance. "But, I don't understand… Why would you need to make one in the first place?" There was no answer for a moment as she realized what exactly was in the boy's hands. "That book… Don't tell me…!"

"You said he uses this thing as a guidebook."

"That doesn't mean you should have taken it!"

"I don't understand you!" Danny's head snapped up as he spoke so he could stare at her with his icy eyes which were slowly turning green, most likely without his knowledge. "You want to escape from here, don't you? Then why don't you want to know what he's planning?"

"It won't do us any good!"

"So you've just given up?" Giving an angry sigh, Danny put the book down on a nearby table and turned away from her as he began to open it. "I don't know about you, but no matter what, I am getting out of here."

Unsure what to do, Maddie just stayed silent as the boy leafed through the dark book. Though she didn't want to admit it, she had given up. Within Vlad's game, he held all of the pieces in his hands. All he needed to do was perform the necessary moves and all was lost. How could she continue to believe when there was nothing else she could do?

"Danny…" she called out softly as moved besides him as his face contorted due to the grotesques images within the book. After carefully closing it, she turned to the boy and looked straight into his eyes. "I already know what Vlad's planning… I've known it for years." It took all of her willpower to continue looking at him as she spoke her next words. "The demons depicted in there… he wants to you to become like them."

A horrified expression crossed his face, before it turned into one of disbelief and amusement. "You had me going there for a moment," he told her between laughs. "There's no way I would ever consider acting like that. Besides, I'm supposed to be a ghost, not a demon."

"You don't understand… The changes… they've already started."

xxx

It had been months since Danny disappeared, and no one had been able to make any progress. To Sam, it was beyond frustrating. Tucker had managed to uncover who had taken their friend. Heck, he even had physical proof by way of a video, but they couldn't do anything with it. If it was taken to the police, it was quite possible it would simply be dismissed or cause them to be arrested. No matter the result, it wouldn't be positive.

However, the news had managed to grab hold of the story of Danny's disappearance. Yet, instead of making him out to be a victim, they portrayed him as a criminal who was involved in the attack on his guardian and ran away afterwards. With Winston still in a coma, no one had bothered to correct them. She had tried both in writing and in person to get them to change the story, but each station refused to listen to a teenager. It appeared the truth wasn't anywhere as interesting as the lies they had created.

Unsure what to do, she had become even more withdrawn and moody than usual. It was so bad that even Tucker was giving her space, though he wasn't completely avoiding her. Usually he would send a message to her once a day letting her know his progress in trying to bypass Vlad's security and get into his computer system at his mansion. For unknown reasons, he kept having difficulty, but he was bound and determined to find a way in.

She had tried to come up with plans which would allow her and Tucker to infiltrate Vlad's mansion and rescue Danny, but none were feasible. She also had to keep in mind the ghosts who had gone after Danny. Not only were they dangerous, but she had no idea if they were involved in the kidnapping or not. But, if they were, she had no way of fighting back against them even if she could find Danny.

Beyond frustrated and unsure what to do, she began taking long walks to try and clear her mind. Though her parents frowned upon due to the recent unsettling events within the town, they had decided to not interfere. Sam guessed that even her overly perky parents couldn't handle her rather current mood for more than a few days at a time. Smart move on their part. But, if they knew exactly where she tended to go, they would interfere.

Though she didn't particularly like the place, she was constantly wondering around the cemetery, much like Danny used to do. Sure it was peaceful, dark, and rather deserted, she didn't exactly like being so close to the dead for long periods of time, especially if she was alone. It unnerved her more than she cared to admit, and it wasn't entirely from past events. But, the location helped clear her mind, and she had a secret hope she would spot Danny near one of the trees. It was where she had first found him, and it just felt right it would be where he returned.

Yet, he was never there. Just like this particular evening, she had wondered around without finding a living soul. Deciding it was a little too early to head home, she decided to take a break on one of the many benches scattered throughout the grounds.

Glancing upwards, she caught sight of the emerging stars. The temperature would begin dropping drastically soon and with the recent snowfall, it would be more than a little cold. Sighing, she stood back up and began moving back towards the entrance. It wouldn't do her or Danny any good if she managed to get sick from the weather.

As per habit, when she neared the location where she first met Danny, she gave a quick glance. Of course there was nothing, but as she was about to turn away, something caught her attention. Unsure what exactly it was, she stopped moving and continued to look at the spot. After a few moments, Sam shook her head and continued walking. She was being silly.

Sam…

She stopped dead in her tracks. Someone had just called her name… but she was sure there was no one else in the area. Pulling her coat a little tighter around her form, she tried to suppress her shivers from both the chilly air and her nerves. It must have just been the whispers of the wind. With her being so stressed she must have mistaken the sounds.

Sam… Please…

There it was again, and it definitely wasn't the wind. Scared, she spun around in an attempt to find the person who had to be playing a trick on her. But again, she only found the general scenery of the cemetery. "Whoever it is, this isn't funny!" she shouted, as she tried to convince herself it had to be a person. Why would a ghost know her name? There wasn't anything special about her which would attract them, or at least she hoped not.

"Sam… it's me…."

The voice came from directly in front of her, but there was still no one there. Having too much past experience with ghosts, she knew it wasn't a good idea to ignore the possibility one was truly there. She wanted to run, but it would easily be able to catch her… and Danny wasn't around to save her again.

Wait… Danny. It couldn't be, but the voice did have a similar sound to his, though it was distinctly otherworldly. It almost seemed like the owner was speaking from the back of a cave. It was low and had a distinctive echo. But, unlike the other ghosts she had encountered, it did not seem overly hostile. Swallowing her fear, she finally spoke back. "I don't know who you are, but you better show yourself!"

After a tense pause, she looked around for something… what, she wasn't entirely sure. Nothing had answered her, which was almost as unsettling as the voice coming out of air. Chuckling at her idiocy, she began walking again. She really needed to find a way to relax; the stress of trying to find Danny was starting to get so bad she was starting to hear things.

She had made it a few yards when she felt a hand gently grab her shoulder and turn her around. A scream escaped from her lips as she fell and scooted away from the figure who had suddenly appeared out of thin air. He appeared to be around her own height with striking white hair and vivid green eyes. His clothes seemed normal enough; they were black with white accents in a style which almost resembled that of a more reserved rocker though they were partially concealed by a large book he was holding. But, soon she realized he wasn't wearing a coat and seemed unfazed by the cold temperature. However, the truly unnerving aspect about him was the strange glow which surrounded his body, immediately indicated he was a ghost.

"…I'm sorry…" he said carefully as he winced. "It tends to take me a little bit of time to become visible. I'm not all that good at this yet…" He carefully moved towards her and held out his hand. "Are… you okay?"

Sam just stared. Was this ghost honestly offering to help her up? Unsure what exactly to do, she decided to study him more. He was extremely human looking in appearance. If it wasn't for the glow, he could easily pass off as a teenager with an extreme rebellious streak. Though it was rare, she had encountered a few goths who had actually dyed their hair white. He was also standing on the ground as if it was perfectly normal. Though she had seen the other ghost, Skulker, do the same, it didn't seem as natural.

"You look like you've seen a ghost," the boy said with a grin as he realized he she wasn't going to take his hand. Sam once again just stared. Did he really just say that? "Sorry," he said quickly as he chuckled, "I couldn't resist. But, I promise I won't hurt you."

"What's with that look?" he asked when she just raised an eyebrow. "Sam, I just want to talk to you… and I don't have a lot of time to do it."

"Why do you know my name?" Sam asked as she slowly got off the ground. Unsure if he would keep to his word or not, she watched him carefully the entire time she moved. But, he remained still and stared at her with wide eyes.

"You don't… you don't recognize me…" The boy was clearly upset by his revelation. Though he didn't say anything immediately, Sam could tell he was deciding how to approach the situation. Eventually, he sighed and looked straight into her eyes. "Sam… It's me, Danny."

Shock quickly turned to anger. "How dare you!" she hissed at him. "How dare you pretend to be my missing friend!" Ignoring the idea it was probably a stupid thing to do, she threw a punch at the ghost. Unsurprisingly, she did not hit a solid target; instead she felt as if she was passing through an extremely cold block of pudding and lost her balance. However, instead of hitting the ground, a cold hand managed to catch her and keep her from falling. Spinning around, she tried to hit the ghost, who simply let go of her and held up his arm in defense. His other arm was still keeping hold of the book.

"Look… I'm sorry, Sam! But I can't appear in my human form right now… it's not safe!" he said quickly as he looked at her from under his arm.

Hesitating at the look he gave her, she didn't immediately swing at him again. If she got past the unnatural appearance, he did look somewhat like Danny. No! She couldn't think like that! If she accepted that the ghost in front of her was the same as her friend, than it meant that Danny was… he was… !

Her thoughts were interrupted as the ghost shoved the book he was holding at her. Instinctively, she caught it and was surprised to find how heavy it was. Confused and still angry, she looked at the ghost who was giving her a pleading look. "There's not a lot of time until he finds out that I'm gone. You need to take this… It will give you some idea of what Vlad's planning… and though I hate to say it, but I think that picture we found here the day after I met you and Tucker came from this book." He paused for a moment as he looked to the side as if he heard something before turning back to her. "Just be careful… It's not the sort of book you would read as a bedtime story."

As he moved away from her, she tried to process what she had just heard. "How do you know about that picture…?" she asked as that notion became the dominate thought in her mind.

"Sam… I was there, remember?" he said impatiently. "We found it after you and Tucker found out that Winston's my guardian and not my actual parent. But, that doesn't really matter right now. You've got to try to stop Vlad from the outside… Not only is he planning something big, but there are others he's held captive."

"Others? Vlad? What are you talking about?"

He just shook his head. "I'm sorry, I wish I could explain better, but I can't stay any longer. It's too dangerous." As if that was the cue, he began floating a few inches from the ground. He gave her a longing look before raising his hand, almost as if he was saying 'goodbye'. "I hope this isn't the last time I get to see you… Try to stay safe." Without another word, he vanished as suddenly as he appeared.

"Wait…!" she cried out as she tried to stop him, but she was unable to tell if he was still around or not. Though she really didn't want to trust the ghost, she did have questions for him. How in the world did he know about the picture she, Danny, and Tucker had found? He apparently even knew about the events leading up to the discovery. Did that mean he was really Danny?

She really didn't want to believe it, but she was starting to get a sinking suspicion it was truth. Maybe when she went home and was able to gather her thoughts, she would have a better understanding of the situation. Not just of the ghost's identity, but also of the other information and various questions swimming through her mind. But, she did know one thing for a fact: Tucker was never going to believe her.