#i cut bread out of my diet not too long ago too

[emberfrostlovesloki]

A Warm Bath [Hotch x Reader]

Photo credits: Left (@cozyreadings) Center (@weleavetomorrow) Right (@milla984)

Prompt: Aaron is having negative thoughts about his body and aging. The case the team faces puts Hotch’s physical ability on the line, as he attempts to save the BAU-reader from a violent fate. 

Pairing: [established relationship] Aaron x gender-neutral reader. The reader uses They/them pronouns. 

Category: Angst/comfort 

Word Count: 16K 

Content Warnings: Body image issues [mostly related to aging (Hotch)], brief mention of food and diet, mention of 2000s celebrity tabloids, multiple deaths [via dogs eating them], victim’s body parts are mentioned, animal cruelty [some dogs are described as living in bad conditions and being mistreated]. Animal death [dogs (not explicitly shown or described, but implied], a good bit of swearing and language, Hotch and the reader are naked in front of each other [no smut], and slight drinking.  

A/N: Hi loves! I’m back with another long, angsty fic. This was written for my love Rome (@criminalskies) from my December prompt list (linked) #28: Character A hears Character B sing for the first time. This was supposed to be short and sweet, and like most of my writing, it got a bit away from me, but in a way that I like. I will say I think this is a bit darker than some of my writing given the means of death, but I hope I handled it and the animal issues okay. If you know me, you know I love some insecure Hotch plus lots of angst, and I hope you find that here. Once more, thank you Rome for being my friend. ILY. If you like this story, likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated. I hope ya’ll have a great rest of the week. - Love Levi ❤️

P.S. There is a mention that the reader’s favorite song is Hozier’s “Unknown / Nth” If this is not your favorite song, feel free to substitute your own! 

List with all stories 

_y/n_ = your name 

_y/l/n_ = your last name

_y/f/c_ = your favorite candle 

Aaron stood in front of the full-length mirror in his bedroom. The mirror was half-steamed from the warm air and moisture seeping from the bathroom. The white towel draped over his hips sat in a way that did not reveal anything inappropriate. Those areas and his legs were not the spots on his body that bothered him. Those areas didn’t bother _y/n_ either. Not that any part of his body bothered _y/n_. When they were bare to each other, _y/n_ seemed to worship him in a manner that Aaron didn’t feel he deserved. Where these insecurities had arisen from. He was unsure or unwilling to explore. But he couldn’t stop judging his body as hard as he tried. He knew he had little time before _y/n_ would come back from the store. They had just gone on a small grocery run. The winter weather called for some soup and toasted sourdough, but Hotch had been woefully short in the bread department. Probably because he hadn’t bought it in weeks. He was trying to add more protein to his meals. Because it was December and flurries fell on the ground almost every day, Aaron’s daily runs had been cut, almost completely, out of his schedule. His body ached too much in the cold. His knees and back gave small pops of protest, and his chest was particularly sensitive around the scars left by Foyett. That attack had been over a year ago, but the pain lingered and reminded him of how weak he had been that day. How he’d been off his feet for weeks. He hadn’t liked his body after that spell either. Of course, he could always go to the Quanitco gym, but most of the men there were more built like Derek. Pumping iron in some unspoken competition of who could look better in a tank, shorts, and being sweaty. Even if Hotch could zone out while he did his workout, he just felt like he didn’t belong in that space anymore. ‘This is so stupid, Aaron, and you know it,’ his internal critic droned out. Hotch tried to still the voice and ran a hand over his stomach. He could still feel his muscles under the slight layer of fat, tissue, and skin. ‘At least you have that,’ the voice continued. Aaron pulled his hand away as if he was burned by his own body. Aaron had planned to move to his dresser and cover the body that was bothering him so much, but his face, cast in the soft glow of his lamps caught his attention as well. Hotch moved closer to the mirror. The bags under his eyes, crow's feet, and the small, grey hairs that peppered his dark locks seemed to bother him as much as the rest of his body. 

Aaron wasn’t dumb, far from it, but as he looked at his reflection, he couldn’t help but judge how age had changed not only his body but his face as well. Aaron hadn’t expected to age like a celebrity or anything; his work ensured that his body was worn down weekly, and the stress of the job did nothing for his frown lines. He knew late middle age would catch up with him one day, but he hadn’t expected it to be like this. The aches and pains, the look of wariness that haunted him. His reflection only mocked him. Reminded him that he wasn’t young anymore. His intrusive thoughts got louder: so loud that he didn’t notice when _y/n_ entered the room; cheeks flushed from the cold they had been in just a minute ago. _y/n_ was going to give a cheery, “I’m back!” But stopped in their tracks as they saw Aaron absorbed by the mirror. This wasn’t the first time they had seen him like this. Hotch tried to hide it in the morning when he showered, and _y/n_ brushed their teeth in the sink. They could see his eyes dart to the mirror for a second and then away like he was assessing himself negatively. They didn’t know when this had begun, but _y/n_ caught him doing it more and more recently. _y/n_ knew they would have to say something soon. Whatever was going on didn’t seem good for Aaron’s mental health. Realizing that now might be as good a time as any to breach the subject, _y/n_ cleared their throat and said, “See anything interesting over there, mister?” Of course, to _y/n_, Aaron clad in a towel was the same as looking at a statue of a Greek god, and him without a towel -- well, that could be blinding, but it seemed that Aaron was less than pleased with himself, and _y/n_ sought to understand why. Aaron’s eyes snapped to the side, realizing he’d been caught body-checking. Hotch turned and faked a half smile and said, “Hey, love. I felt something in my eye. I was trying to see it before I tried to wash it out in the sink.” The lie was so half-assed that Hotch wouldn’t have believed it. And _y/n_ was far too perceptive a partner and profiler to be taken in by a white lie. Aaron wasn’t even sure why he had lied. He assumed it was because it was embarrassing. He felt like a teenager looking at the cover of Stars where Miley Cyrus, or Brintey Spears, or Ann Hathoway’s heroine chic figures were splashed on the front page with the headline “Starlet gains pounds - Fan wonder where X fell off the wagon?” And below that would be the advert for a page about dieting or exercise. It was all too shameful to admit to something like that to _y/n_. _y/n_ matched his lie by stating, “Come here. Let me see if I can see what’s in your eye.” Aaron hesitated and stumbled through the response with, “Well, well I… I think it’s gone now, _y/n_. I’ll be okay. Just need to get some clothes on. Did you find the bread you wanted at the store?” He spoke quick as if he were trying to cover up some secret. _y/n_ tilted their head and raised a brow. In as gentle a voice that was also pseudo-commanding, they said, “Come sit with me on the bed for a second, Aaron.” 

Aaron listened to _y/n_, especially when they used that tone that was half-concerned and half-wary. Wary not for themself, but for him. It was rarely employed, but when _y/n_ did use it, he listened. He padded over to the side of the bed with _y/n_, and they both sat down. _y/n_ looked into his dark brown eyes. _y/n_ knew if they saw them in the light, they were tinted hazel. But that wasn’t what this was about. _y/n_ looked from him to the mirror and said, “That thing isn’t doing you any favors, Aaron. A reflection can be a cruel companion. Hotch flushed and said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, _y/n_.” _y/n_ smiled softly and said, “How many times have you told me I’m not stupid when I doubt my logic on a case?” _y/n_ let that question hang in the room for a second before replying, “Hundreds at this point. And you know what? It’s true. Now I see how you look at yourself. Doubting. Hesitant like I am sometimes. You wear darker colors. I know what those things can mean. Aaron. Where is this coming from, love?” _y/n_ had only known Aaron to be confident since they started their relationship. There had been a small period of doubt after Foyett, but shortly after that, it had been replaced by rage. There was a short silence as Hotch looked at the soft woven blanket that covered his bed and then to the window. He watched the snow fall lazily to the ground. He sighed and said, “I feel different. My body, it feels different now.” _y/n_ placed a hand over his and gave it a squeeze. That got him to look at them. _y/n_ moved their hand from his hand to his defined jawline, running a hand down it before dropping it back to the bed. _y/n_ asked, “Did this start in December?” Hotch half nodded and said, “Kind of. I’ve felt it worse now that I’m not working out as much. It just happened so slowly. Age has hit me differently than I thought it would.” Somehow this wasn’t the conversation _y/n_ had planned on having today, but it wasn’t something that could be put off. Not with Aaron seeming so upset. _y/n_ asked, “What do you mean that it’s ‘different than you expected,’ exactly?” Hotch looked back at them and said, “I can feel my body changing in various ways. I don’t feel like I can perform the same way I did on the field. That if I’m put in a physical situation, I might fail.” _y/n_ resisted sighing. They knew how fragile a conversation this was and wanted to address it with care. _y/n_ held his gaze and said, “Hotch, you’re allowed to age. We all do. You’re the Unit Chief of the BAU. If Strauss had a problem with your performance, she’d tell you again. The team would tell you. You’re a competent, capable agent. As for your physical prowess, you’re strong, Aaron. Did you forget how you carried me over the huge puddle in the parking lot the other day because I was wearing my nice shoes?” At this, Aaron chuckled. He remembered it clearly, as Morgan had teased _y/n_ about getting their good leather shoes wet. But Aaron knew they didn’t want to get them wet half because they were very nice shoes and, also, because they had been an anniversary gift from him. At his laughter, the mood seemed to lighten. Even with that being the case, _y/n_ still worried about him; these types of thoughts, if he’d been having them long, didn’t bode well for the long term. _y/n_ leaned in and kissed him gently. They started at his neck and up his jawline. Aaron relaxed into the touch, and as _y/n_ pulled back, the look they gave him reassured him that _y/n_ meant every word they had just shared. _y/n _added, “Hotch, I think this is something that a professional should hear about if these types of thoughts continue. If they make you feel bad about yourself?” Aaron let out a sigh, and said, “You’re right, _y/n_. I’ll speak to someone if I start feeling this way again. Thanks for the affirmation. I didn’t know I needed it that much.” _y/n_ smiled at him and ran a hand over his right arm. _y/n_ was about to suggest taking a warm bath together to decompress from that conversation, but before the words could come out. Aaron’s phone rang. 

Hotch stood and moved to his nightstand. He swiped to answer the call and put the cell to his ear saying, “Agent Hotchner. There was a pause, and then he said, “Yes. Got it. Be there in a few, JJ. Have you called the rest of the team? … Okay, and yeah, _y/n_’s here. We’ll be over soon. … Okay, bye.” Once Aaron hung up, he moved decidedly to his drawer. He dropped the towel and pulled on his briefs and an undershirt before moving to his clotheshorse that held his outer shirts, suit jackets, and pants. _y/n_ didn’t even have time to admire his nude body, as they needed to change into their formal attire as well. _y/n_ moved into his closet, changed, and unlocked the gun safe, pulling Aaron’s two guns out for him with their sidearm. _y/n_ called from the closet, “Does it sound bad?” the audible sigh from Aaron in the next room told _y/n_ all they needed to know about the type of case that had just landed at the BAU’s door. Twenty minutes later, Aaron and _y/n_, plus the rest of the team were seated in the conference room with JJ and Aaron standing up front and Penelope running the slideshow from the far side of the table. Hotch looked at his media liaison for a second almost for reassurance before saying, “I’m just going to show you the photos first. I think once you see them, you’ll know more about the type of person we are dealing with. Aaron rarely prefaced the photos attached to the case, so the team looked with some anticipation at the screen. Garcia clicked for the next slide and everyone, even Hotch, cringed at the gruesome, bloodied, almost unidentifiable body parts of one victim. Then the next, and the next, and the next. The victims varied in skin color, build, and sex. There were three female victims and one male victim. Each of the deceased was missing various parts of their bodies. Since their bodies were so exposed, half-eaten, the elements had only decomposed the bodies faster. Aaron gave the team enough time to see the photos on the big screen before having Garcia turn the screen off. Hotch said, “As you can see, we’re dealing with something strange here. The coroner knows it’s some kind of wild animal, and we are waiting on the diagnostic report from the hospital two counties over. Some of the victims were so badly mauled that teeth prints had to be taken to identify the victims. We know all of their identities. Hotch nodded to JJ, who had Garcia show regular photos of Katerina Lia, Jeffre Domingez, Sherry Paine, and Dusty Hoffner. When this was done, Hotch continued, saying, “Their profiles and the photos can be found in your files after the briefing. The police in Kansas were hesitant to call us the first two times, as they thought it might just be a tragic accident by a wild animal, and they involved the Game and Fisheries authorities as well as contacting State Troopers. The few parts of the first victim were found strewn on the main street and although it seemed unlikely, the authorities wanted to rule out the possibility that it wasn’t a wild animal, or pack of animals first. Given the external damage to the bodies, it’s unlikely that it’s only one dog or coyote. In the following two weeks, the three other bodies were found in similar popular areas in town, like the park, outside the movie theater, and at the middle school. After that, there was no denying that this was just a wild animal. Thus we were called, but a bit later than I would have liked. But that’s what we’re working with. This case is undoubtedly an odd one, but the unsub seems to be amping up his kills, and if we don’t stop them quickly, well, we’ve seen what happens. Now. Wheels up in thirty.” 

The team scattered to their desks, each repulsed by what they had seen. _y/n_ was so grossed out that they even skipped getting coffee for the plane. _y/n_’s mind kept flashing to whoever had found each of the bodies. Probably a young worker moving to clean the theater for the first matinee show. Or a janitor or coach arriving early in the morning trying to get some extra work done. This fact twisted _y/n_’s stomach even more, as they grabbed for their go bag from the deep drawer in their desk, plus the pair of tennis shoes that they always stuffed in their duffle. It constantly bothered _y/n_  that not only the victims that the BAU saw were often minorities of some kind, but those who found them also often lived in difficult situations or worked hard jobs. This irked _y/n_ more than they would admit. _y/n_ found it hard seeing the gore and violence they did, and they were acclimatized to the sight. How could a normal person recover from seeing such a thing? It seemed insurmountable to them. The possibility that dogs might be involved in some way also twisted _y/n_ insides. They loved animals, and using man’s best friend in such a brutal manner felt more than psychotic. As _y/n_ stood up, they were surprised by Aaron, who already had his go bag and briefcase ready. He looked at _y/n_ and noticed their visible distress. He asked, “Are you alright?” He brushed a hand over theirs, and _y/n_ replied, “Yeah. This case is just weird. It feels different. But I can’t put a finger on it yet.” Aaron nodded and said, “We’ll look out for each other on this one. I promise.” _y/n_knew what Hotch meant by “look out for each other,” was “I’ll look out for you, okay?” _y/n_ nodded, reassured by his words and continued support. Hotch held out his hand for their duffle, and _y/n_ gave it to him. Aaron swung the bag over his shoulder and waited for _y/n_ to follow him to the airstrip. He didn’t need to do this but felt that _y/n_ might need some extra support right now. He didn’t blame them. He’d dropped a load on their shoulders this morning, and now they had this case. It felt like a lot, even to him. So he was going to be there for _y/n_ -- even if it was just physical closeness. 

On the jet, the team debriefed about what their initial thoughts were. Spencer had stats on the town and how rare animal attacks were one in every 70,000 deaths a year. Derek mentioned how the bite marks looked like dog bites. Morgan had seen a few bad bites in his previous Chicago beat. After the debrief, the team slipped into their normal groups. Em moved to JJ’s side. Reid and Morgan found each other, and _y/n_ put on some wired headphones and pulled out the brief again. As much as _y/n_ found the team's chatter comforting when a case troubled them, they found silence or an easy soundtrack or song to help them focus on the case. Aaron settled next to Dave and Emily. The trio started talking about Cottonwood Falls, its population, and the type of police force they should expect there. Small towns often called in State Troopers to help with bigger investigations, which just meant more bureaucratic red tape; something that all three agents were all too familiar with. Hotch looked over his team and _y/n_ sitting near the back of the jet. He was sure that _y/n_ that they were either listening to white noise or one of their five playlists which mostly consisted of Hozier and other music in that genre. Aaron appreciated _y/n_’s need to find moments of calm and clarity at the start of cases. When they had first joined the team, Aaron had overheard _y/n_ speaking to Garcia about feeling weird about isolating themself from the team early on in the case, but it helped to ground them in the new whirlwind of events. They liked to annotate the brief written by JJ and thoroughly look at the photos. This often helped later on as trends or niche things from the crime scene would be useful if the team got stuck. Aaron listened in as Penelope said, “Sweetheart, everyone has their own method. Your contribution to the case is essential and, however, you need to do that is fine. I promise. Stick around this group for long enough, and you’ll see that we all have our strange habits.” Aaron had been thankful and was still thankful for Garcia for being so uplifting and understanding of the team. Together they made an odd group, but it worked. The next case after that conversation had happened, Hotch had made sure to shoot _y/n_ a hint of a smile as they distanced themself to read the case file beginning to end -- pen and highlighter in hand. It was a similar scene now, as _y/n_ opened the case file and looked at the brief. It read:  

Location: Cottonwood Falls, Kansas, USA

Population: 851 

Victim No.: 4 

Names of Victims: Dusty Hoffner, F (28), Jeffre Domingez, M (39), Katerina Lia, F (45)

 Sherry Paine, F (19).

Victim’s Occupations: Unknown. 

Report of crimes thus far: On December 15th at 5:00 a.m. A local refuse worker (Jim Vaunt) found a mangled left hand near a trashcan on Locust and Union St. He quickly called the police, who quickly arrived. Mr. Vaunt and the officers were disturbed to find other body parts of the first victim (Katerina). The areas where body parts were found were condoned off, and a thorough search went out looking for a wild animal. The residents were informed, and school was canceled for the day. Little progress was made and the next week, the three other victims were found in similar states of decomposition and decay. Though the cooler weather and frost have kept some of the body parts better preserved. The town is in a panic, with parents pulling their children from school early and groups going looking at local farms for any animals. This had resulted in the death of one family dog that had gotten loose earlier on the afternoon of the 17th. The State Troopers have been called in. Two town meetings have been held, but little progress has been made so far. 

_y/n_ then moved back to the vile photos. Sherry’s stood out the most as she was the youngest victim. One photograph of her left hand showed that she had been wearing bubble gum pink nail polish. It was slightly chipped from wear. _y/n_ frowned at a life so young being snuffed out in such a brutal, literally animalistic, fashion. It wasn’t fair. But that was where the BAU came in; _y/n_ reflected. Not that they could change the past, but at least they could ensure that the human who committed such atrocities paid for their choices. There was a reassurance in that. When _y/n_ had finished taking notes and looking at the crime scene photos, they paused their playlist and took off the headphones. _y/n_ grabbed their file and moved over to Derek and Spencer to see what they were thinking. Now _y/n_ was ready to add their voices to the preliminary profile being built. As the jet cruised toward the small landing strip a few miles from Cottonwood Falls, the team all felt anticipation, an undercurrent of tension at what would face them in the small town below. 

Cottonwood Falls was as small and quiet as Spencer had described. But it wasn’t a peaceful quiet. It was a disquiet. The team saw large groups of men sitting in the backs of various trucks, holding shotguns, and scowling as the Chase County Police Department got closer. The team didn’t see any children out, and the schoolyard and playgrounds lay quiet. Devoid of kids. It made sense, of course, four unknown people had been torn apart, literally. _y/n_, who was in an SUV with Spencer, Derek, and JJ, hoped that there would be more information once they got to the stations. _y/n_ was right as the team was slightly heard into the station, Sheriff Welsh had hastily introduced himself to the team, with Aaron running as the point man. Sheriff Welsh seemed more prepared than most small-town cops who had a bizarre crime happen in their jurisdiction. A whole corner of the department was dedicated to the case, with multiple maps and boards up on the walls with the photos neatly grouped. The information that they already had was neatly placed on two pop-up card tables. The Sherrif had the team stand near the tables, and the dark-haired man said, “I have two new bits of information to share with you now that you folks are here. The first is that although it’s not growing season, we still have some workers that hop from farm jobs to far jobs through the slow season. It turns out Katerina Lia was one of those workers. A farmer in Olathe noticed her picture in the paper and called us, saying that she had signed a two-week contract for his sorghum harvest. It was late in the year, and he needed fewer workers, but Katerina was one of them. Also, though this is a small town, we do get tourists driving through because the highway runs toward Wichita and Topeka on either side of us. So I’m thinking that these might be some people or visitors hoping to pass through and something went horribly, horribly wrong. The other big item is that the coroner has stated that the cause of death was bleeding out and shock, and the bite marks found on the body were made by dogs. Various breeds and sizes, but for sure, it was dogs.” The horrible idea seemed to weigh the Sheriff down. It made him look ill. Hotch absorbed the information and quickly said, “Thank you for those updates. For now, I’m going to send my team to various sites to gather data and when we have more information and regrouped, we’ll present a preliminary profile for yourself and your officers.” Aaron could see the question, “What’s a preliminary profile coming,” and stopped the man saying, “And I promise to explain all of the practical jargon this afternoon if that’s alright?” The Sheriff raised his hands and said, “You got it. I’m just grateful ya’ll came out here to the sticks. Take all the time you need. There are three SUVs that you can use.” Aaron nodded and signaled to the team. He stated clearly, “Morgan, Reid, you go to the hospital and look at the victims. See if there’s anything we’re missing about them. Anything that might give us a location of death. Em, JJ, you go check any animal shelters in the area. Then call the school and theater. See if you can interview the janitor and employee who found the victims. Rossi and _y/n_, come with me. We’ll check out the other two sites and see if the vets around town have had any reports of wild or rabid dogs in the last two weeks.” The team understood their roles and moved to their respective cars. Just before Hotch had stepped outside, keys in hand, he asked Weiss, “How many farmers have dogs around here?” The Sheriff shrugged his shoulders and said, “Heck, all of them that I can think of. I’d be stupid not to.” Aaron nodded and let out a sigh. He realized that it was going to be harder to track down the dogs than he might have thought, but the method of killing was so specific that he hoped they could at least find the unsub quickly. Someone in a  town this small had to know something. 

There was a shocking amount of vets in such a confined space. However, it made sense given how much livestock there was in the farming and ranching community. Be it hobby farms or cattle, those animals needed care. As they were driving to meet Mr. Vaunt for an interview, _y/n_ had an idea and called Penelope. _y/n_ put the techie on speaker, and Garcia answered with, “Hello, my loves. How can the Office of Supreme Intelligence assist you today?” _y/n_ couldn’t help but smile at Penelope's pep, and said, “Can you compile a list of people that visit and more importantly adopt dogs regularly in the surrounding towns and counties? It probably won’t be all at the same time, maybe two or three weeks apart.” _y/n_ caught Hotch’s eyes in the rearview. He gave them a nod of approval at thinking of this. After a short pause, Garcia said, “I’ll have to get back to you on that my sweet. These small towns seem to have fewer electronic records, but that doesn’t mean I can’t find them somewhere. I’ll get back to you when I have something.” Before Garcia hung up, Aaron said, “Garcia, nothing illegal,” in a semi-stern tone. Penelope let out a bright laugh and said, “You got it, Hotch.” After that call, the day seemed to slip by quickly. By the end of it, the team had discovered and then presented to the small police force that the unsub was most likely a white male in his mid-thirties, a recluse or someone that rarely came into town, owned land to hold a pack of dogs who had at least five large canines. The land potentially had a field of tall June grass, as lots had been found on the victims' clothing, thanks to Spencer’s keen eye, and the unsub was only targeting out-of-towners. Lastly, if the man finds another person to kill, he will take the chance to do so again without remorse as the unsub was most likely a psychopath. After the basic profile was delivered, the team worked late into the night. They speculated that the unsub might have had a bad incident with a dog in his past, or some significant trauma with an animal of some kind. Emily recommended going back to the hospital in the morning to see if there were any medical records of such an event happening around thirty years ago. Hotch agreed and made preliminary assignments for the morning. With nothing else to really go on, the team headed to their motel to turn in for the night. It was odd getting to bed before two a.m. on a case, but this was not a normal case. In his room, Hotch showered and changed. He slumped into bed, trying to ignore looking in the mirror, at this body again. It was hard for him to imagine that it had just been that morning that _y/n_ had reminded him how much they loved him in his entirety. It was funny to Hotch how quickly he forgot those things. Aaron rolled onto his stomach, grabbed his phone, which was charging, and texted _y/n_ simply writing, “I love you, _y/n_. Sleep well.” He read the quick reply of, “Love you too, Aaron,” before he turned off his lamp, set his alarms, and attempted to sleep. Aaron was having a hard time with his rest and he sat up. He moved to the door and down the hallway. He knocked on _y/n_’s door and he could see the lamps still burning bright in their room. _y/n_ let him in, headphones still in their ears. Hotch slumped down on their bed, comforted to be in _y/n_’s calming presence. They didn’t bother him as he closed his eyes. They sat down and kept reading over their notes, again, and again, and again. Aaron could hear _y/n_ tapping along with the beat of their playlist on their leg. He knew the rhythm well at this point and it lulled him to sleep as _y/n_ kept thinking deep into the night. 

The dawn woke the team, and everyone was relieved to find that there wasn’t a new victim. That didn’t mean there wouldn’t be, but they would strive to make sure it didn’t happen again. At the precinct, the team drank the poor-grade coffee and talked briefly about how quiet the town was at night. Spencer had stayed up all night and heard an owl and one time the barking of a dog. The genius had admitted that even that had him scared. Of course, Morgan had made fun of Spencer for this, except he had to eat his words because one of the police dogs had barked right after his joke, and Derek nearly jumped out of his skin. That had brought a moment of lightness to a very grim case. The team, little did they know it, would need that for the rest of the day, and their time in Kansas. 

Rossi suggested to Aaron that he, Derek, and Aaron go and speak to some of the men running their patrols looking for dogs. _y/n_ suggested she and Emily go and check the medical records, and JJ decided to try and contact the farmer who had employed Katerina to get more information while Spencer found maps of the area. He wanted to see if there were any large swaths of June grass in the surrounding areas, and the lean agent knew he could guess pretty well with a topological map where large patches of the native grass would grow. Aaron agreed, and everyone moved to their respective tasks. Hotch, Morgan, and Dave were told by the sheriff that most of the menfolk had met at a local dive bar down the street, made plans, and then drove out for the day to ‘explore.’ Aaron thanked the man for the information, and his group headed out. The dive bar was ironically called Shooters. The theme of the place was hunting-oriented with mounted deer heads and some old-style rifles adorning the walls. The proprietor, who was standing behind the bar was potbellied and red-cheeked. He seemed more chipper than appropriate. but Derek assumed it was because he had the room half full with lots of people holding beers or shots in front of them. The place was tackily decorated for Christmas with a small tree in the corner and lights up on the walls. One of the deer heads had a Santa hat askew on its head. Morgan and Rossi moved to speak to the owner of the bar. Aaron began talking to a few of the men, showing his badge when questioned. As Hotch moved toward another group, he noticed a small faded flyer. It had the picture of an English Springer Spaniel with a duck in its mouth. The blocky, white text read: “Here to hunt at the Lodge on Route 75? Make your time here more fun and successful by renting a purebred hunting dog! $80/day, including drop off and pick up at your designated hunting site. Call: 390-785-0092 for inquiries. There was no name attached to the flyer. Aaron moved to the man behind the bar and asked, “Do you know who put up that advertisement?” The man looked at where Hotch was pointed and took on a reflective gaze before nodding and saying in a deeply accented voice, “Yeah. That’s Jeff Karon’s side business. Man has corn and wheat crops, but in the summer we get swamped with hunters and he breeds dogs on the side for some extra cash. He’s an odd one. Lives way out there past the town limits.” Hotch nodded and wrote down the name and number. He would call Penelope and see what she came up with as well as speaking with Sheriff Weiss when they returned to the station. 

_y/n_ and Emily at the hospital started to make converging discoveries with Hotch. The pair sat in the medical records room. A kind nurse had pulled out some boxes from the 1990s that she remembered being memorable cases for such a small town. After an hour they found nothing and moved to put the boxes back in the correct place. However, as they had quickly been putting the files back in chronological order, one folder was misplaced. It was much older than the rest. The front read Jeffery C. Karon 1958 - Infected Dog Bite. Emily let out a laugh, and _y/n_ turned to face her and said, “What is it?” As they put a box away on top of a dusty old one, Prentiss replied, “A file in the wrong box. Coincidentally it sounds related to the case.” _y/n_ stepped off of the one small step they needed to reach the tall, top shelf and walked over to Emily saying, “Let’s look at it. We’ve almost looked at every other file in here anyway. Maybe we can learn something.” Pretiness scoffed and opened the file as _y/n_ stood at her shoulder. However, after both agents' eyes skimmed over the first paragraph, they realized that they might have stumbled across something important. The patient data was typed and the case notes were written in cursive. They read read: 

The young boy of twelve was bitten pretty severely by a rabid dog in the wheat field on the father’s farm in Oldsdaile. Ten stitches were needed to seal the wound and a rabies shot was given along with a course of antibiotics. There was a note about the patient’s father and then something about how if the wound wasn’t cleaned and cared for carefully, the boy could develop an infection in the bone and might need major surgery or worse. 

_y/n_ and Pretiss looked at each other and then the photo of the young boy on a sepia-toned brownish grey. Emily grabbed the file and said, “Let’s ask around and see if anyone knows who this Jeffery Karon is.” The two agents moved to the nurse in charge of records and _y/n_ asked, “Ma’am. We found a file accidentally misplaced, but we think this person might be helpful to our investigation and the recent deaths. Do you or anyone here have any idea who this person is? If they still live around here?” The nurse took the file and looked it over. She said, “Just a moment, let me ask around.” Em and _y/n_ waited for a few minutes and the nurse returned and said, “Sorry but no one here seems to know who this is. Our old doctor. Dr. Anderson. who just retired and moved to Texas to be with his grandkids would know. I would recommend going to the town hall and looking at the records there. I can also print you a copy of this file and give Dr. Anderson’s number. Just don’t spread any of this around -- And Dr. Anderson is notorious for not answering his phone. He never really learned to use one, but perhaps that’s changed now that he’s around some youngsters.” Both agents thanked the nurse for her help and waited for the copy of the medical file and the number. It was only a few minutes before Emily and _y/n_ were back in the car and headed to the station. Instead of going to the town hall, Prentiss and _y/l/n_ decided to call Garcia instead. Before they came to that choice, they reflected how small-town cases were so different from those in the city. How they offered a change of pace to the often hectic cases in sprawling metropolises. Not that this case wasn’t urgent, just different. Emily was driving, so _y/n_ pulled out their phone to call Garcia, but just as they started to dial, Penelope called _y/n_. _y/l/n_ said, “Speak of the devil,” as they smiled and swiped answers. Garcia, always her chipper self said, “Alrighty my little chickens. It took me a while. but looking at the ten adjacent counties surrounding Cottonwood Falls there was a startling pattern. One man seems to go into these shelters and has been adopting a surprising amount of dogs that are up for euthanization. But the dude is picky. He only takes in big breeds from Shepards to Heelers to Great Danes. You name it. If it’s a big dog and it seems on its last legs, this guy will take it in.” Emily asked, “What’s this dude's name?” Garcia replied, “Jeffery Karon.” Prentiss and _y/n_ looked at each other knowingly. Both simultaneously thought, ‘Bingo.’ _y/n_ let out a sigh and said, “How many dogs are we talking about here? And how often are they being adopted?” Penelope clicked a few keys on her computer and said, “I’d say three to four a month. So maybe thirty-six a year. But some months there are no adoptions. I don’t know how one man can care for so many dogs. Feeding them alone must cost an absorbent sum each month.” _y/n_ didn’t say it but thought, ‘One way to cut costs would be to not feed them. Thus the need to adopt so many dogs.’ They thought back to the photos of the victims. They all had really been torn apart. The image of that happening was to sickening to the stomach and _y/n_ cleared her throat and said, “As always Garcia, you’re the best. We’re pulling up the precinct now and it looks like Hotch is back too, so I’ll call you with any updates when I can.” Garcia replied, “Anything for you sweetness, and I texted you the dude’s address too. It’s headed to your phone as we speak. Supreme genius out.” Emily put the car in park and they both jumped out. They both had a lot to share. 

As the pair got inside _y/n_ realized that Hotch, Morgan, and Rossi had also just gotten back as well. Emily let out a breath behind them. The brunette was excited to share their news and said, “I think we might have our guy!” The three men, and JJ and Spencer in the back looked over at her. Hotch spoke first and asked, “Is his name Jeffrey Karon?” Aaron’s statement seemed to take the wind out of Emily’s sails and she replied, “Hey. How’d you know?” The small sub-teams merged, and they all got updated on what they had all learned that morning. When everyone was caught up, the team moved to Sherrif Weiss. Aaron asked the head of the police department, with a copy of Jeff’s childhood photo, “Do you know this man? Jeffrey C. Karon?” The Sheriff nodded after a moment and replied, “Yeah. Yeah, I do. He’s an odd one. He’s lived on the farm his father, Jean Karon lived on. It’s a farm out in the boonies. Jean’s wife died in childbirth and from what I understand, Jean wasn’t exactly dad material. So it was just those two for a long time. Then the town they lived in dissolved. Too many people moved out in the 70’s. A few years after that, Cottonwood Falls proposed taking the land into our county. By that point old man Karon was pretty worn out and sickly, but he was vehemently against reintegration. He waged a moral war on the idea and, well he kind of died while losing that battle and Oldsdaile became part of Cottonwood Falls. That left his twenty-year-old son with the farm and a small sum of cash the man had stored away. Jeffrey tried to go away and get an education at a local college. He fell in love with a girl. I couldn’t tell you why, but Jeff dropped out of school and brought his new wife back with him. Allegedly they had a kid together, but anytime I’ve visited that farm I’ve never seen a kid. So I guess when Jeff’s wife inevitably left him, she must have taken the kid with her. And honestly, good for her. I wouldn’t want to spend a long time out there either. But I haven’t honestly seen Jeff in over two years. Guess he ended up a recluse like his father.” The Sheriff gave a whistle after the long monologue. The Sheriff had almost forgotten the wheat farm on the far outskirts of town. The whole team took a second to absorb that the Sheriff had described the perfect unsub. Breaking from their shared trance, Hotch emphatically asked, “Where does Mr. Karon live!” As the Sheriff murmured, “Let me look. I haven’t thought of him in a long while.” While the man was puttering about, _y/n_ pulled up her phone and said, “I have it Hotch. Penelope sent it to me while we were on the way back here.” Aaron shot _y/n_ a small smile and said, “We’ll need LEOs for this Sheriff Weiss. Five men at least.” The law enforcement officer looked at Aaron with apprehension and asked, “You think Jeff is our guy?” The look Hotch shot Weiss was enough to shut the man up and then turn and order two cop cars and five officers to accompany the BAU team on their trip out to the isolated farm. 

The white SUVs and two cop cars rushed down the isolated dirt and gravel road. The Karon farm was a good thirty-five minutes outside of town set on an isolated road that left the highway. As they moved down the road. _y/n_ noticed that random patches of the tall grass seemed pressed down or pushed aside unnaturally. Hotch was driving too fast for them to see what was happening but after the third time seeing the phenomena, _y/n_ called out, “Aaron, stop for a second. Somethings off on the side of the road.” Hotch threw _y/n_ a look with his classic raised eyebrow from the front. His sunglasses were blocking his eyes but after a moment, he slowed to a roll and then a stop. _y/n_ jumped out of the car with Morgan, who was also in the middle row of the car. Derek called out, “What did you see, _y/n_?” As they both ran toward another place where the grass looked odd. _y/n_ didn’t need to answer him as they pushed the tall grass aside to reveal a long wooden board with over two dozen nails pounded through the wooden beam. Morgan whistled and said, “Well that’ll stop a car alright. How many of these have you spotted already kid?” _y/n_ looked up at Derek and said, “This makes four.” The pair of agents didn’t disturb the plank in case it was needed for evidence later, and they both jogged back to the stalled car. Once inside, Morgan said, “Hotch there’s a homemade parking block spikes in the grass, and _y/n_ spotted three more before that one.” Aaron nodded and then started the car again. As he pushed the gas pedal, he said, “We did wonder how he got his victims out of their cars. Maybe they get turned around and go ask for help, but then get a flat instead. Aaron turned briefly and looked at _y/n_ and said, “Good catch. Keep a count of how many of those you see as we keep getting closer to the house.” After another four minutes, the cars reached an old rushing iron gate with a big sign in the font that read: “PRIVATE PROPERTY - DO NOT ENTER: BEWARE OF DOGS!!!” The line, “Beware of dogs,” sent a chill down everyone’s spine. Aaron attempted calling the home number twice, which Penelope had also dug up for the team, but nobody picked up, and there was no option for voice mail. One of the police officers got out of his cruiser with a pair of bolt cutters and broke open the chain that held the fence closed. The gate made a terrible screeching sound that had the team’s skin crawl. All of the cars pulled into the drive. The house was a simple farm-style house, painted white with green accents. All of the paint was badly chipped and there was a large truck parked out front. It seemed to be the only sign of life on that part of the farm. Aaron got on the radio and spoke to the other car saying, “Everyone’s wearing their FBI vests here, and everyone has weapons drawn. We can’t be sure what we’ll find in the house or on the farm. Lastly, no one, and I mean no one goes off alone. Rodger?” There was a crackle on the line and Emily replied, “Got it, Hotch.” As the team stepped out of the cars, a symphony of howling and then barking could be heard from the house Everyone went on the defensive. Hotch pulled out his microphone and stepped a few feet closer to the glass and screen door. _y/n_ followed after him a few paces. From their angle, they could see what looked like three to four big dogs at the door barking up a storm. _y/n_ had their gun aimed at the door. If something went wrong, they would have a bead on one of the dogs and would shoot if it came to that. They prayed it wouldn’t. Rossi sidled up next to _y/n_, they felt better knowing they weren’t alone in keeping Aaron safe as he clicked on the microphone and said, “Jeffrey Karon. This is Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner. If you’re inside I’m giving you three minutes to restrain your dogs and come out of your home with your hands up. I’m starting a timer now.” Aaron’s voice echoed across the face of the house and the yard. It was a very tense minute and thirty seconds as the dogs continued to bray at the agents and police officers. 

It felt like an eternity before one of the windows on the side of the house revealed a haggard-looking man who shouted, “Get off my goddamn property before I get a shotgun and shoot you, people. ‘Tis is an ‘nvastion of ma rights. My God-given rights ‘ye hear me!” All eyes turned to the window and again, Aaron stepped forward and said, “You don’t have any right Mr. Karon. You’re suspected of five counts of first-degree murder and tampering with remains. Now come downstairs and restrain your dogs or my team and I will come in and do what we have to restrain you. And I don’t think you’re so stupid to not know what will happen to you if you do try and get a gun.” Jeffrey was red-faced and spluttered, but in a half-show, Aaron looked at his watch and said, “You have a minute and a half left,” then Hotch angled his gun at the front door. Of course, _y/n_ knew that Aaron wouldn’t shoot one of Mr. Karon’s dogs unless it was a life-or-death scenario, but Mr. Karon didn’t. Hotch’s threat was enough to have the man at the window shout, “Fine, fine I’m coming. Don’t shoot the dogs. God damn you. I’m suing if anything happens to those dogs!” Aaron lowered the sidearm and let out a breath, slightly surprised that his strategy had worked. The team watched with bated breath as Jeff moved down the stairs slowly. He looked like he was in pain, as he walked with a significant limp, gripping the white stair rail tightly. The man called his dogs loudly enough for the team to hear him say, “Here boys, here.” At the call of their owner, the dogs all moved away from the door and to the foot of the stairs. Now that they were farther back, _y/n_ could see that it was five dogs, not three. All of the canines' tails seemed to wag happily as they saw their owner. Jeff petted all of them and seemed to give them a treat from the pocket of his robe. Something the older man said had the dogs stop barking. Jeff moved toward the door and Aaron and the team stepped onto the porch. Aaron looked at Jeff as the man moved to open the door. Hotch gripped the handle and closed it as soon as the man tried to open it. Aaron said clearly, “Put your dogs on leads and attach those leads to the stair rail.” Jeff blustered and said, “My dogs don’t go on lead. No State Commie can make me do that.” Hotch glared at the man and said, “They go on leads when I say they do. If you don’t do as I say I’ll add intentionally delaying a state investigation to your list of charges. Do you want the state looking into you more than we already are, Mr. Karon?” Jeff furrowed his brow and turned. The man who had tanned and spotted skin like many men who spent hours in the sun let out a litany of curse words as he moved to the other side of the room and grabbed five old faded leads. Again, the team watched as he moved painfully toward his dogs and one by one attached the lead to their collar and then tied the collars to the staircase. This took about seven minutes and finally, Aaron motioned for Rossi and _y/n_ to follow him as they breached the door. There was some chaos as Hotch cuffed Jeff and the dogs barked at seeing their owner get angry and yell again. Aaron twisted Karon’s arm uncomfortably and said, “I’d put a rag in it and answer any questions asked to you, Mr. Karon.” The added pain had the farmer shut up for a second before the man spit at Aaron’s shoes and said, “I’ll shut up. I want a lawyer. You big city types think you can break into an honest man’s house and threaten him, well. We’ll see about that, Special Agent Hotchner.” Jeffrey seemed to have a glint of malice in his eyes, and Aaron pushed him toward one of the officers, not letting the threat affect him. Aaron told the officer he handed Karon off to, “Put him in the back of one of the cruisers and read him his Miranda’s. If he says anything, record it. Anything could be important in this case. And once you're done that, take the dogs out and attach them to the wooden railing on the poach. Make sure they have shade and water.” The officer looked a little hesitant but nodded and began hauling Jeffrey off. 

Now that the house seemed quiet, Aaron had the team split up into groups of two and look over the whole abode. Even though the dogs and Karon were out of the house, that didn’t mean that they dropped their guard. As the echoes of “Clear” rang through the upstairs and downstairs, the team seemed to lighten up. The most interesting things in the house were the profound amount of liquor bottles in the bedroom and kitchen, as well as the cabinet full of assorted pain meds in the bathroom. It was obvious to Spencer, Emily, and _y/n_ that Karon was self-medicating. If it was just for the leg injury that he had gotten as a child or something more, they couldn’t know until someone interviewed the potential unsub. Spencer took a moment too long looking at the multiple narcotics bottles for _yn_’s comfort and they gently said, “I’ve got this Spencer. Why don’t you help Morgan.” Reid looked at _y/n_ with a hint of gratitude and nodded softly saying, “Thanks, _y/n_.” _y/n_ just smiled at him and said, “No prob, Spence.’ With that, Spencer left the bathroom while Emily was looking over the bedroom. _y/n_ gave a small sigh. They knew Reid was clean, and had been for a few years now, but they knew how easy it was to fall back into bad habits, and alleviating any possibility was the least they could do for their friend. But the most interesting thing in the house was the little boy’s room on the first floor next to the living room. The pastel-blue walled room was caked in dust. So much that Hotch had a coughing fit for three minutes after leaving the room. It was hard to tell if it was Karon’s old room or his supposed son’s. Garcia hadn’t been able to find a record of Jeffrey Karon having a son, but she did find a name and address for his ex-wife who now lived in Tennessee. Hotch was beginning to think that the story about Mr. Karon having a son was a local legend of some kind. A story passed around about the strange old recluse with a tragic backstory who lived at the edge of town. Either way, the room being so well preserved and unused would prove helpful in trying to crack Jeffrey in the interview process. The child’s room meant something to him. When the house had been gone through, the team spread out in groups of two again to search the rest of the large thirty-acre property. 

Behind the house was an ATV with the keys still in the ignition. Derek speculated that that was the easiest way to navigate the bumpy roads between the fields. The largest wheat field had two barns on one side of it. The first barn was for a large group of chickens that squawked when Spencer and Derek entered the smelly space. The other barn seemed to have regular farming equipment and feed for the assortment of animals that resided on the land. However, as _y/n_ moved a rake through the deep chicken feed containers, something snagged on the tines of the object. Pulling the tool up revealed a very tattered shirt sleeve. _y/n_ called in and let the team know what she’d found. Emily was up in the hayloft and said, “_y/n_, there’s a pillow and blanket up here too. Let the team know I think someone might be sleeping up here.” _y/n_ acknowledged Prentiss and let the team know the new information. Once Em had documented the small and narrow loft space, which was barely seven boards wide and could be accessed by a  ladder, she climbed down to help _y/n_ to see if they could find anything else in the grain bins. As it turned out, a lot more was to be found including shoes, pants, IDs of the victims, and cash. Not only did they find the personal identification of all of the victims so far,  but they found three new IDs and a passport of victims, who had not yet been found or reported missing. 

The last metaphorical nail in Jeffrey Karon’s case was when Aaron and Rossi plus two other officers neared the oldest and largest barn on the other side of the wheat field which Spencer aptly pointed out had been tilled and Blue grass had been planted as a filler crop until next planting season. Neither car needed to even roll down its windows, as they neared the barn and heard the near-constant cacophony of barking and growling that filled the air in a disorganized symphony of sound. All four men drew their guns again. Obviously, they couldn’t just open the barn doors because Aaron didn’t know how the dogs inside this barn were being contained, or if they were contained at all. The BAU men moved around the barn, and Rossi found a ladder that would let them look up and into the barn’s higher windows. Aaron and Rossi moved the ladder to the window. Dave kept the ladder steady and Hotch climbed up to the dusty glass. Aaron slipped off his sunglasses and used his keen sight to look into the dim barn. He could see that one-third of the barn was empty but the other two-thirds had a strong very tall metal fence containing the bodies of a dozen dogs or more moving, writhing, and barking at the almost darkness. Every now and then one of the canine’s teeth would catch the light of the window Hotch was looking in, and Aaron couldn’t help but imagine how those teeth felt tearing into a human's flesh. The idea revolted him. He caught something odd, a red glowing light on the front of the cage. Aaron called for a pair of binoculars which were quickly brought to him. Hotch carefully shot out the windows which only set the dogs inside off more, but without the glass in the way and with the aid of the binoculars, he could see that there was a locking mechanism on the front of the padded gate. This reassured Aaron that they could get into the barn, but it only added that Jeffrey was smarter than he let on. Lawyering up was one thing, but having a timed gate assured that Mr. Karon didn’t become an accidental victim to the dogs inside the barn. Aaron quickly stepped down the ladder and told Rossi and the officers that they were clear to enter the hostile den. The officers seemed hesitant, but Rossi brushed past them, trusting Hotch and opening the doors of the barn. The dogs went wild and rushed the gate but couldn’t get out. Hotch and Dave covered their ears, and they stepped into the barn. Even though it might be safe for them to be inside the dank-smelling space, they kept a good five-foot distance from the dogs. Aaron observed that all of the dogs were malnourished and had their tails docked. Many of the dogs had bite marks and looked in ill health. Rossi noticed the feathers on the floor of the cage. There was a children’s pool filled with stinking water and flies on the far side of the cage. Aaron took pictures of the dogs, the cage, and the locking mechanism which seemed to be turned on via a switch or remote timer. Hotch felt a pang of pity for the dogs inside the barn and what a horrible life they had been put through. However, he realized that these animals had also killed up to seven human beings. There was no nice way of putting that. When Rossi and Aaron had seen what they needed to, Aaron called Sheriff Weiss and brought the man up to date. He detailed the need for animal control and that they would need a lot of animal control. Weiss had paused and said that he would have to call into multiple counties and vets for help getting all the dogs out of the barn. Hotch understood and agreed. Aaron left one of the policemen to sit in his cruiser just outside the bard to wait as long as it took for the animal control members to arrive and take care of the situation inside the barn. The officer seemed to relax when he realized that he could wait inside his protected vehicle. 

With the farm mostly searched and a lot of damning evidence gathered, the team left with Mr. Karon to conduct their first interview. The unsub had said very little except for cursing the officer in the other police car out. The team left another three officers to cordon off the farm and sites of interest. At the precinct, Jeffrey was quickly moved into a room that was normally a holding cell for those who had too much to drink and needed the night to sober up before going home to their wives in shame with another fifty-dollar ticket of disorderly conduct or public indecency. It was the best the small police station had for an interrogation room. Sheriff Weiss had a table and chairs brought in and Derek and Rossi had the first round of trying to get the unsub to talk. Outside the cell _y/n_ paced and Aaron watched them while also looking into the room with Jeffrey. Something was upsetting _y/n_ and he could tell. It was not only the pacing, but the way _y/n_ was just slightly biting the inside of their cheek. After a minute of this, Aaron turned to them and asked, “What it is _y/n_?” _y/n_ turned on their heel and said, “It can’t be him Hotch? You smelled his breath when we first got in the house. It reeked of alcohol and he was stumbling around either because he was drunk or high on meds, or both. I don’t know how a man like that can pull something like this off. Not by himself. Not to mention his leg injury. He can barely walk. He couldn’t possibly handle those dogs in the barn. Plus, we’re looking for a supposed psychopath. Mr. Karon might be disturbed, but he loved those dogs in the house. How does that work?” Aaron nodded. He had felt that something was off too, but having _y/n_ put it into words helped solidify how he felt. _y/n_ said, “It’s something to do with that boy’s room. That makeshift bed in the barn. I think we’re missing something big. I think I should go back.” Hotch nodded and said, “I’m coming with you.” _y/n_ gave him just the smallest smile and said, “Alright. I’ll tell the team, why don’t you start the car? I’ll be out in a minute.” Aaron agreed and moved outside. It didn’t take long for them to get back to the farm. Aaron had an officer go with _y/n_ to the boy’s room, and he and another officer moved back to the barn to look at the cot again. The two were determined to find out what vital piece was missing from the bigger picture. 

Back in the interrogation room, Karon wasn’t talking and it had been nearly fifty minutes. Derek was saying, “So what, you get bitten by a dog when you're a kid and then have dogs kill people? What do you gain from that, Karon? Apart from some sick need to see people be torn apart.” The man didn’t answer and Rossi tried another approach saying, “Why keep your bedroom the same Jeffrey? Why lock it up and keep it preserved? Why is it so important to you?” This finally had a response for the unsub and he said, “That room’s special to me, yeah. Gotta keep it like that for when she comes back.” Morgan and Dave looked at each other and Rossi asked, “Who comes back, Mr. Karon? You’re wife? Your son?” Jeffrey put his head in his hands and said, “That goodman bitch of a wife you idiot. My son’s still there. But he’s not like he used to be. And I’m not like I used to be, get it. Before that bitch of a city slicker wife left me everything was fine. FINE! Get it, but she left and it all went bad. Went to goddamn shit.” Morgan cared less about the wife and more about the fact that Jeff had said his son was still on the property, on the farm. Derek asked, “Your son, Karon. Where is he!” Jeff laughed and the built agent raised to his feet and slammed his hands on the table near the unsub, getting him to stop laughing and Morgan said again, “Where is your son!” Karon chuckled a little and said, “Sleeps ‘n the barn at night. I hear four of those cops are still out there, and two of your agents. Pity for them. Jason’s better with the dogs than I am. Has been for the last ten years since my fucking leg’s been acting up more. Motherfucker of a leg.” This realization hit the two FBI agents like a ton of bricks. There was a beat of silence before Rossi rushed out of the room to call Aaron and let him know that Karon’s son was on the farm while Derek worked his best to not beat the crap out of the man in front of him and try and get something that might help Hotch and _y/n_. Rossi paced as he waited for Aaron to pick up. Finally, his friend did, saying, “Hotchner.” Dave nearly yelled, “Karon’s son is still living on the farm. He’s the one letting the dogs out. Where’s _y/n_? Are you with them?” 

Aaron’s stomach dropped like a bag of stones as he realized _y/n_ hadn’t checked in in over twenty minutes. He put Dave on hold and called _y/n_. He prayed that they’d pick up, but _y/n_’s phone went to voicemail. Aaron then tried radioing the officer with _y/n_ but all he got was the man sitting outside the barn. Hotch almost threw himself down the ladder to the loft and shouted at the officer at the bottom to follow him. Hotch drove faster the he ever had toward the farmhouse. Something told him that he would find answers there. It had been _y/n_’s last location for starters. Aaron didn’t even bother turning off the car as he and the officer rushed into the house, guns drawn. There was no one in the main room, but sounds were coming from the kitchen. Aaron breached the room and found a large man standing with a clever aim to cut apart a de-feathered chicken. The man froze when Aaron rushed the room and pointed the gun at him, Jason Karon. Hotch shouted, “Put the knife down slowly or I shoot.” The man didn’t seem to care that he was moving incredibly slowly while he set the knife down on the butcher block. Hotch then shouted, “Where is the other agent and officer?” The large man shrugged, and Aaron shouted again, stepping within a foot of the second unsub’s face, “Where is my agent!” Jason said slowly with a small glint in his eyes, “Middle of the wheat field I guess. That fucking agent bit me. Had to tranque ‘em. Dogs ‘ill get ‘em soon. But don’t ya worry. I gave ‘em a fighting chance. Set a timer for the dog's release. It’s no fun to watch them die if they’re tranqued. Dogs ‘ill be out in ‘bout fifteen minutes and if I timed it right, the drugs ‘ill wear off a bit before then. I ain’t never seen a cop die before. Should be fun” There was a devil-may-care attitude that indicated the unsub cared nothing for human life. The rage that filled Aaron nearly had him shoot the man in front of him, but the fact that _y/n_ was still alive and could be torn apart had Aaron brush past Jason and ran out the back door so quickly that he didn’t even tell the officer to restrain the man. He only had thoughts for _y/n_. Hotch straddled the ATV, turned the key that was miraculously still in the ignition and pressed the electronic throttle. Aaron could feel the wind in his face and his hands held onto the handlebars of the ATV with a death grip. He entered the wheat field in around seven minutes and slowed slightly as he got closer to the center. He didn’t want to run over _y/n_, but he knew he had only minutes to find them before both of them were going to face the same fate as all the other victims from before. Just as Aaron heard the first howling of the dogs, he found _y/n_ on the cold ground. 

Hotch jumped off the vehicle and ran to _y/n_. Their eyes were open but glazed. _y/n_’s hands were bound, but not their feet. Aaron grabbed _y/n_ and pulled them onto the ATV in front of him. _y/n_ was lucid enough to move their feet with Aaron’s. As Hotch kicked the ignition on again. He saw the first three dogs breach the tall grass. Hotch opened up the throttle. He held _y/n_ to his chest while he tried to press the gas and control the ATV all at the same time. Even at the full thirty miles per hour, the dogs were catching up to them. Aaron felt his heart beat faster than it ever had before. It was like he could hear the breaths of the crazed animals following him, could hear their feet hitting the ground, which would outpace him and _y/n_ soon. Another three minutes and they’d be out of the field, and the police would see what was happening and come to help. At least that was what Aaron hoped. But a sound had Hotch’s heart nearly stop. At the edge of the wheat field, the engine of the ATV spluttered loudly. Hotch looked down at the gas gauge: E. Aaron pushed the machine as far as it would go but it slowed after another thirty seconds, then died. 

There was a split second when Aaron thought there was no way for them to live. His mind went blank, black. But _y/n_ stirred, and he knew they couldn’t die. He’d happily die, but _y/n_ couldn’t die. Not like this. They deserved warmth, retirement, and old age, and happiness. And because Aaron couldn’t have the love of his life die, he was forced to think in a split second. This brought up two options. The first was to shoot as many of the dogs as possible. He knew that he wouldn’t get to all of them before the rest overpowered them, but this was an option that would reduce the number of animals that would kill them. Maybe the others would get scared off by the sounds of gunfire. The other option was to make a run for the barn with the loft inside. It was about ten feet from the open barn door. Something in Aaron’s gut told him this was the only option where _y/n_ lived. Aaron didn’t care if he died; he just needed _y/n_ to live. 

So with his soul telling him, compelling him forward, Aaron dismounted, pulled _y/n_ over his broad shoulders, and ran the fastest he had ever run before. 

Step, step step, breath. Step, step, step breath. Pothole. Twisted ankle. Step, step, step, shooting pain up the leg. The reek of dog breath, and teeth at his legs. Breath. Door, ladder, Teeth in the leg, Foot to dogs mouth, Last step. 

Aaron’s heart felt like it might burst, and his muscles had never hurt so much, never been pushed so hard. However, there wasn’t time for that, as one of the dogs had used its legs to get to the top of the ladder. Not even thinking of his gun, Aaron kicked at the dog's head, trying to avoid the now bloody and snapping teeth. When the dog had fallen, Aaron used his hands to tear the old ladder from the loft sending it crashing to the ground below. Even though the ladder was old, it was rusted in place with only Aaron’s adrenaline that allowed him to get it off the loft. Hotch slumped back next to _y/n_. How he had managed to get them both up the ladder, he wasn’t sure. Aaron pushed _y/n_ to the wall and lay very closely pressed to them as there wasn’t room for both of their bodies in the loft. Aaron was half in shock. He didn’t really hear the gunshots from the officers below, but he could somehow feel the heat from the blowback and saw the light flash from the ignitions. The noise seemed to rouse _y/n_ more, and Hotch moved to cover their ears. He was blocking their view of below with his body. Even he didn’t want to see what lay beneath the loft, but after a few minutes, whatever chaos had been happening stopped. Aaron could now see the red and blue lights of either an ambulance or police car on the wall of the barn. Sound suddenly rushed back into Hotch’s senses. He also registered the pain in his body and leg where he had been bitten. Due to his shock, Aaron felt like stuff happened to him for the next two hours. Aaron did make sure that _y/n_ got into the first ambulance that had arrived even though they started saying that he needed it more because he was hurt and they weren’t. In the end, it didn’t matter as the only other ambulance from the small local hospital arrived shortly after. Hotch was given a local anesthetic in his left leg which had been bitten to the muscle below. Aaron was so exhausted, and now that he knew that _y/n_ was safe, he closed his eyes and let everything else that was happening to and around him just wash over him like a flood

It turned out that Aaron needed ten stitches for his bites and a set of antibiotics to make sure that he didn’t let the bite get infected. _y/n_ had been given a larger dose of Tiletamine and they needed to be kept on close observation as that medication was related but not the same as Ketamine and the side effects of that drug on humans were not known as it wasn’t a drug not meant to be used on humans. _y/n_ felt queasy and said they had a bad headache and were weak, but thankfully the symptoms didn’t get much worse than that. After a few hours of close monitoring for both Aaorn and _y/n_. The hospital staff felt that both agents would pull out without too much physical damage. However, the hospital required Aaron to stay put until the local anesthetic wore off so they could assess his pain, and that _y/n_ stay for a full twenty-four hours to ensure there were no long-lasting side effects of the drugs they had been given. Rossi went in and checked on Hotch first, letting him know that _y/n_ was going okay apart from some slight discomfort and nausea. He then explained what had happened since Aaron had been out of the loop for around three hours. How the police had handled most of the dogs by the time the rest of the BAU had arrived. How Jason Karon had been taken into custody and his father had agreed to throw his flesh and blood under the bus for a potentially lighter sentence once he found out that his son had been caught. How Jeffrey Karon had delusions about his wife coming home, how Jason had all the makings of a psychopath, and how together the father and son had made a fun hobby of killing anyone unlucky enough to land on their farm that they both wanted to protect with their lives. Hotch listened with disgust at the narrative and how so many had died for nothing more than a game, a distraction. He reflected on how in some cases, no one seemed to win. There were just losers. But then again, _y/n_ could have died. He could have died. Not that he valued his life much, but _y/n_ was physically okay, and that was enough of a positive to let him relax just a little bit into the bed. Rossi looked down at Aaron from his chair, gave his friend a pat on the shoulder, and said, “You did everything you could, and sometimes that just has to be enough. 

The next morning, _y/n_, who had been given some medication to help them sleep, woke to Aaron sitting by their bedside. They rubbed the sleep from their eyes and looked over the parts of their love that they could see. _y/n_ noticed the bandaging on Aaron’s leg, and they asked, “Should you be out of bed?” Hotch chuckled and tried to lighten the mood by saying, “Oh, I just had to fight two nurses to get here from my room.” _y/n_ leveled him with a glare that had him honestly say, “But seriously, they let me out last night after you were under. Rossi insisted that I not stay here all night waiting for you to wake up.” That got a small smile from _y/n_, and they replied, “Remind me to send Rossi a thank you card when we get home.” Aaron laughed again and rolled his eyes before asking, “How are you feeling today? I’m sure the nurses will be in here in a moment to ask you the same, but I’d like to hear it first.” _y/n_ took a moment to think about their physical state before saying, “Better. I still have a bit of a headache, but much better than last night.” Hotch nodded and then looked to the door as two nurses entered the room as he had guessed. The medical staff asked Aaron to sit in one of the chairs near the wall as they performed some routine checks on _y/n_ and assessed their vital signs. After the nurses had given _y/n_ a dose of medication to make sure they remained stable, they left Aaron and _y/n_ alone again, promising to be back in half an hour to check up on _y/n_.

When they had gone, Aaron moved back to his prior seat. _y/n_ held out their hands for Hotch and he took it in his, running his thumb over their knuckles. Aaron looked up and _y/n_ was looking at him with sad eyes, like they knew something already, but they wished it wasn’t true. _y/n_ had a vague memory of some of yesterday, but with the drugs and the excitement, it had seemed to fade; they asked Hotch softly, “Tell me what happened yesterday. Everything that happened.” Aaron hesitated before replying, “_y/n_, it’s not very pleasant. Maybe you should wait a bit.” _y/n_ sighed and said, “Once the team comes to see me they’ll talk about it and I’d rather hear it from you. I do remember the doctor telling me I’m stuck here for twenty-four hours last night which leaves me with about ten hours to spare.” Aaron sighed before realizing that they were right. He recounted the events of the former day to _y/n_. They squeezed his hand as he described how he’d gotten them out of the field and to the barn. How he couldn’t let them die, and how that had saved his own life. _y/n_ didn’t have the right words to thank him for saving their life at that moment, but Aaron could see it, the look of thanks in their eyes. Instead of saying anything else, he leaned down and kissed _y/n_’s forehead. His lips lingered on their skin. Aaron knew that they had saved each other in an unspoken way. Aaron couldn’t let _y/n_ die, and deep down, he knew that they’d never forgive him if he’d died yesterday either, which had pushed him to run instead of shooting at the dogs. _y/n_ seemed to notice his shift in thoughts, and they asked, “And the dogs?” Aaron knew they would ask about the dogs soon. As someone who cherished animals, he knew his response would bring _y/n_ pain. Hotch pulled back and just nodded his head no, indicating the worst. _y/n_ closed their eyes and let out a half breath, half sob, saying, “They didn’t do anything wrong. They didn’t know what was happening.” Aaron squeezed their hand and said, “I know, love. But maybe it was a mercy. They weren’t treated well, and I heard from one of the officers that a lot of them looked sick. The state wouldn’t have let them live, and they went quickly.” A few tears fell from _y/n_’s eyes, but they nodded ever so slightly, wanting to believe Aaron. Trusting what he said, even if he had fibbed, even if they could hear him lying to make them feel better. _y/n_ opened their eyes and asked, “What about the dogs from in the house? Those were good dogs? Nice dogs.” Aaron replied, “I’m not sure. I didn’t think about them when we got back to the farm. I’ll call the Sheriff later and see what he says. Maybe animal control came and took them before we got back.” _y/n_ nodded, also remembering how the other dogs had been gone once they arrived. They hoped that at least those dogs that they had petted on the first visit to the barn would find good forever homes, far away from the farm. Far away from Kansas. 

Later that evening, _y/n_ was discharged, and the following day, the team was headed back to Quantico after the largest thank you from Sheriff Weiss. Aaron ever so slightly accepted the gratitude but knew with a weariness that another, possibly worse case was waiting for them on JJ’s desk, and the two men shook hands. On the plane, Hotch and _y/n_ both took their mid-day meds from the hospital. _y/n_’s medication left them drowsy, and they moved to sit next to Aaron on the couch, slipping on their headphones and slipping their right hand into his. _y/n_ nestled slightly closer into his side and rested their head on his shoulder. Aaron pressed a kiss to _y/n_’s temple and moved back to the file in his hand. After about twenty minutes, the words began swimming in front of his eyes, and Aaron closed the file and realized he was defeated for the moment. Hotch tapped _y/n_ on the shoulder, and they roused a bit, mumbling, “What is it, Aaron?” Wordlessly, he put out a hand for one of their headphones. _y/n_ smiled and handed one over. Hotch slipped the earbud into his right ear and let the soft soundtrack of Hozier’s “Francesca,” “Northern Attitude,” and _y/n_’s favorite Unknown / Nth” envelope him like a hug. Aaron realized that whenever he listened to this playlist, he could picture _y/n_ so clearly in his mind. Their time together. The soft longing in the Irish man’s voice had become a connection for how much he loved and longed to spend his days with _y/n_. As he slipped off to sleep, he pictured them back home, already nestled in bed, under the covers, skin to skin. His face rested in a calm facade for once as the jet flew thousands of miles above the ground, taking them home. 

When they all got back to Virginia, the team went to their separate houses, Aaron and _y/n_ arrived home, ready for some sleep. Aaron went to the kitchen to make them an early dinner while _y/n_ unpacked their go bags and replaced their dirty clothes with fresh ones whenever the next case came their way. Turning on the light, _y/n_ caught sight of their reflection in the mirror, reminded them of how Hotch had looked at himself before the case, the way he spoke of himself. _y/n_ remembered the idea of getting him into a warm bath and showering him with praise while they sat by the side of the tub, rubbing his shoulders and massaging his scalp. The idea sent a flush through them, and they were determined to make it happen after all they had been through on the last case. _y/n_ had to wait a few days until Aaron could be safely submerged in water. His leg had significantly healed, and he was now putting on a topical antibiotic cream to the bite area instead of the stronger oral tablets he’d been taking before. It was Wednesday evening, and _y/n_ sent Hotch off on a short errand to get some tomato sauce and zucchini for dinner. While he was gone, _y/n_ filled the tub with hot water, lit some of their _y/f/c_’s, and dimmed the lights to low in the bedroom. _y/n_ also put a sheet over the standing mirror in the bedroom and a towel over the mirror in the bathroom. This was about Aaron cherishing his body, not putting it under a microscope. Just when all of this was done, _y/n_ heard Aaron enter the apartment and set the grocery bags on the counter. _y/n_ slipped out of the bedroom and found Aaron, kissing him. Hotch smiled at them, and as _y/n_ wordlessly pulled him into the bedroom, he didn’t question it or protest. Aaron did, however, look a bit taken aback as _y/n_ started undoing the buttons of his shirt He asked softly, “Is everything alright, sweetheart?” _y/n_ smiled at him tenderly and said, “It will be when you have your clothes off.” Aaron flushed. _y/n_ was rarely so brazen, and he didn’t know what this was about, but he didn’t stop himself from undoing his belt and sliding his trousers to the ground. Now that his shirt and pants were off, and his skin exposed to the cool air of the room he took _y/n_’s hand and looked at the bed as if asking if they wanted to move there now. _y/n_ leaned down a bit and kissed his chest, running their hands down his torso and beneath the band of his underwear. Hotch took in a sharp breath, flexing his muscles. _y/n_ pulled his last article of clothing down and simultaneously began gently sucking on one of the scars Foyett had left on his upper torso.

Aaron whispered their name and made to move to the bed, but _y/n_ said, “Actually, I drew you a warm bath. I, I kind of thought you might need something relaxing after that last case.” Hotch’s dark eyes changed from something filled with desire to a different kind of want; to be shown affection, and his gaze softened ever so slightly as he whispered, “Would you lead the way?” _y/n_ nodded, taking his hand as they led him to the bathroom. They checked the temperature of the water, and it felt perfect. Aaron kissed _y/n_ once more before settling in the tub. He lowered himself slowly into the water, letting it lap at his thighs, groin, and finally, his chest. He let out a sigh at how comforting the bath felt. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d treated himself to something like this. He could sense _y/n_ move behind him with soft steps and then get onto their knees near the lip of the tub. _y/n_ dipped their hands in the water and ran them over his broad, muscled shoulders, which were tight from the stress he kept in his neck and upper back. As _y/n_ began running firm hands over the knots, Aaron turned his head to the side and asked, “Would you get in with me, _y/n_?” _y/n_ paused, and though that had not been their original plan, a bath with Aaron sounded like bliss. _y/n_ put their head near this mouth and said, “Okay. Just give me a moment to put away the groceries. I’ll grab you a drink too.” Hotch smiled and nodded. He was happy that if he was going to be so relaxed, that _y/n_ would get to revel in it too. 

Aaron didn’t think much about how long _y/n_ was taking to put away the groceries, get him a drink, and then strip in the next room. He kept his eyes closed and pictured _y/n_ and really, without thinking about it, started humming _y/n_’s favorite song. When the tune to the chorus came around, he murmured the words as well in his soft tenor voice. Little did he know that _y/n_ was standing in the doorway listening to him. When _y/n_ stepped forward, he stopped immediately as if embarrassed for singing aloud. _y/n_ didn’t comment yet as they stepped into view, now stripped of their clothes. Aaron looked up at them, reveling in the sight of them fully revealed to him. Not that he didn’t see this every day, but it never failed to take the breath from him. _y/n_ handed him a chilled glass with an amber liquid inside saying, “Thought you might enjoy a scotch.” Aaron downright beamed at _y/n_’s thoughtfulness and said, “You’re singing my song.” _y/n_ smiled and cheekily replied, as they got into the bath, “Actually, I think you were singing my song.” Hotch flushed, as he took his first sip of his drink. There was a silence before _y/n_ asked, “Would you sing the rest of it for me? I don’t think I’ve ever really heard you sing before.” Aaron spluttered for a second, and he said, “Probably because I’m not a good singer, _y/n_. I think my talents lie elsewhere.” _y/n_ gave a soft pout and said, “I think you sounded lovely before. Please, Aaron.” Hotch knew he could never refuse them, and he steeled himself as he finished singing the third verse, bridge, and chorus of Hozier’s lyrics. He was shocked that the words just came to him, as he’d never actually looked them up before. But he guessed he’d just heard it so often and listened to _y/n_ sing them in the car or the shower that they had soaked into his neural paths naturally. After he finished, he looked to _y/n_ for some response.

Their smile told him what he needed to know, and he relaxed back more fully. For a moment there was just the soft sound of water lapping at their bodies. Eventually, _y/n_ said, “You know I love every part of you, right?” Aaron opened his eyes and met _y/n_’s as he responded with, “_y/n_ I…” He dropped the sentence because he didn’t know how to finish it. He did know that they loved every part of him, but he felt this was more than just about their perception of him. Aaron’s silence told _y/n_ that he was thinking and they gently said, “I mean it, Aaron. I love your mind that’s sharp as a razor, and I love your determination to do the right thing and protect people, and I love your body too. No matter how you change with age and time, nothing is going to stop me from loving you wholly. I need you to know that. I wouldn’t be here right now if it hadn’t been for all three of those things a week back.” The cynical side of his brain had him say, “_y/n_, that was all adrenaline in the heat of the moment.” _y/n_ scoffed at his logic slightly and said, “And? So what? That was your adrenaline that saved me. No one else's. Not the cop’s, not Derek’s. It was you who put your body on the line for me and didn’t let me die in a field in Kansas. You think you’re not capable of things because you’re getting older, but me being here is proof that you’re more capable than you know. And you always will be Aaron.” Hotch felt the weight of their words and emotions in _y/n_’s statement, and he almost started crying. He looked at _y/n_ through bleary eyes and said, “Thank you for taking care of me, _y/n_.” That was all he could get out without letting his tears actually fall. _y/n_ gave him a soft smile of understanding and opened their legs to make space for him, and they patted their chest for him to lean on. Aaron moved so his back was against their chest, and _y/n_ said, “Always, Aaron. We’ll always be there for each other.” Aaron closed his eyes and chose to let go of his negative thoughts for now. Choosing to accept _y/n_’s reality. Choosing to believe that he was worthy. As he settled back into their embrace, _y/n_ started working his aching muscles with their hands, whispering words of praise. He knew he had made it home.

______________________________________________________________

Tag list: @tgskitten @geminitapestry

Want to be added to the tag list? Please see this post, CM Tag List (linked)

[janesmitth]

Tips (sort of?) for any ana's out there

lots are probably no brainers, so this is especially for beginners

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ .✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ .・゜゜・　　・゜゜・． ｡･ﾟﾟ･　　 ･ﾟﾟ･｡.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・．

1. you can turn basically anything into a low cal meal by cutting back the portion size.

example: about a week ago, I wanted a sandwhich. one slice of bread was 96 cals, 1 tbsp of mayo was 100 cals, one slice of chicken was 85 cals, and pickles were 5 cals. that was way too many calories for me in one meal. so, instead, I split everything up. I split the bread in half (48 cals) the mayo into 1/4 tbsp (25 cals) the chicken in half (42.5 cals) -and the pickles like normal, (so, 5 cals). that's now a total of 120.5 cals for the sandwich instead of 286 cals. I do this with all of the food I eat, and it's especially helpful if the diet you're on only allows for 100-250 or so calories in a day.

2. drink lots of water on an empty stomach.

this will help boost your energy and metabolism, and it can also have long term positive affects on things like hair and skin. along with that, it can make you nauseous, which will make you not want to eat.

3. DO NOT start fasting unless you're already either good at fasting (e.g. bc of a religious thing) or already can go a day only eating 100-200 cals.

if you're just starting out, you're not going to be able to start fasting right away because you're not used to it yet. fasting when you're not ready will just increase your wanting to binge, which'll just mess you up.

4. if you're feeling like you want to binge, watch mukbangs/freaky eaters/1000lb sisters/etc.

freaky eaters personally helps me the best, because it's gross as all hell (hence the name). watching people eat tons of disgusting foods, especially in incredibly large portions, always ruins my appetite.

5. find low cal food that you actually enjoy.

in order for you to actually start making progress, you need to find stuff you LIKE. if you're eating food you find gross just because it's low cal, you're gonna quit. you're gonna not ever feel satisfied, and you're going to give into your cravings. there are many many many ana/low cal recipes and foods that you can try. find some low cal foods you like and stick with them. it can be something complicated but low cal, or even something as simple as cucumbers.

6. like the above, find workouts/exercises that you like as well.

there are many workouts on ed tumblr that are very enjoyable, but you can also try simple workouts on youtube (personally, I usually do growwithjo in the mornings and night and during the day I go for a run/bike ride/etc). depending on how many calories you're trying to lose/a specific area of your body that you're trying to get skinnier/ you can google specific's and find a workout that matches what you want. reminder though to go easy at first if you're not used to working out. if you do three intense workouts in a day you'll be burned out and sore before the week even ends. ease into it.

7. if you have a specific craving that you just can't get rid of, eat a tiny bit of seasoning related to it.

(sorry for the janky ass wording, but) example: if I really wanted like.. mcdonalds fries, I would instead go to the kitchen and eat a little piece of salt. same goes if I'm craving something sugary. I can go and just eat a couple tiny grains of sugar, etc. I don't know about anyone else, but this almost always gets rid of my cravings.

8. back to the exercise one, I highly recommend getting a jump rope.

you can get a jump rope for like a dollar at pretty much any local store. if you can't get one at a local store, you can get one online. they're fun, incredibly easy to do, and they burn lots of calories in short periods as well as working your whole body.

9. continuing on with the exercise, make sure you are doing yoga/stretching out after exercising.

try to do at least simple stretches (butterfly, neck roll, touch your toes, etc.) before and after working out. it'll help you stay stronger/do better during your actual workout, as well as help prevent you from getting sore/pulling a muscle/etc.

10. keep an ana journal.

organize it however you want to. it can be written like a list, diary, bullet journal, whatever you want. they're incredibly easy to do, literally just get a notebook and document all your stuff! they're very fun as well as a great tracker for all of your progress. I write down everything I ate that day, how many calories in each, my weight at the beginning vs. end of the day, how much water I drank, how much exercise did I do + what kinds + how many calories did it burn, etc. it's also very fun to read back through it after a while of keeping it and seeing how much progress you've made.

make sure to stay hydrated, keep working, trying, and reaching your goals <3

some thinspo I have saved

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ .✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ .・゜゜・　　・゜゜・． ｡･ﾟﾟ･　　 ･ﾟﾟ･｡.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・．

[sopebubbles]

Hi darling, I read what you posted about your health and the future of Lone Wolf. I'm not here to tell you to write another chapter or anything, I actually want to share something with you that helped me a lot during a time when I was feeling bad physically in a general way.

Based on personal experience, I highly recommend you to stop eating gluten. Whether your health is being tarnished by it or not, it can hugely impact your lifestyle by leaving it out of your diet. It could also help the medications you are taking to make an even bigger effect on your body.

I don't want to brag about me, but I deem it important to share my experience with you and hopefully it can help you start improving your health.

Since the beginning of the pandemic, I started to notice a regression on my period. I also began feeling nauseous and with high migraines that would make me lay in bed unwillingly. I had to take homeopathy to force my uterus to help me menstruate but once I finished the bottle of medicine, my period would be gone too. The headaches and nausea didn't disappear, at all.

It wasn't until August of this year that my mum, (may she be blessed) told me to stop eating anything with high amounts of gluten, like bread, cake and pasta. Darling, I guarantee you that that Saturday was the first day in three years since I felt "normal" again.

I haven't eaten gluten since then and I have felt way better than months ago.

Sorry for rambling but it pains me to hear you that you are suffering, specially with your health.

This is my case, I am not assuming yours is the same as mine but I highly recommend you to try.

I have found multiple products that are gluten free and are not that expensive as I thought they were.

I discovered my gluten intolerance after three years of feeling like absolute shit. I only hope this can help you, I usually don't share this with anyone as I don't like reminiscing those months when I tired, sleepy, nothing was appetizing to me, my hormones were all over the place. I wasn't living, I was merely surviving.

Take care, and I really wish you would give it a try. You have a beautiful soul and an incredible mind full of amazing stories and plots that need to be known You have a lot to experience and many things yet to see. You have a gift with words and I can tell you have a really big heart.

I wish you the best and I apologise if this was tedious to read. I only wanted to give you a piece of advice and remember we, as ARMY support each other. We are not just a fandom, we are family of the purple blood.

May you have a blessed day and your health may be restored as soon as possible :)

~Rosie 💜

Hi Rosie! Thank you for taking the time to share your experience. I'm sure you are probably right about the gluten thing, but it's one of those things i simply cant resign myself to. I have a hard enough time with food, the idea of cutting out wheat products when I dont like the taste of alternatives just makes me want to cry. Doesnt seem like a life worth living if theres no bread in it.

Sorry it took me so long to reply to this. Im low key really bad at taking unsolicited advice. Im an aquarius sun, Sagittarius moon, so i just cant stand it. But i know you meant well and i appreciate your care. Hope you have a great day 💜

[fiftytwotwentythree]

Wellness Wednesday:

Cleaning Out My Closet Fridge

Part of my wellness journey is working on my financial wellness - What are my spending habits? What can I do differently? What can I cut out?

Couple weeks ago I challenged myself to use up as much as groceries/pantry supplies before buying more groceries - maybe meal prep here and there.

Well, I've been doing good on clearing out the freezer - working on the fridge and pantry now.

I noticed I had an abundance of deli meat and breads laying around - so - I was very conscious about eating up those foods first before they went bad.

To be honest I was little more conscious this week because not too long ago I had entire loaf of bread get moldy and I just despise when that happens.

So - I at a ton of sammies this week. Really spiced it up by changing my breads, meats, and cheeses - never got boring.

Other added benefit - I saw significant drop on my weekly grocery bill. A practice I want to entertain more in the future.

Another step to help out my pocket book is I made the decision not to buy any more expensive nuts - aka - my Wonderful's Pistachios. I am going to see if I can find a more cost effective snack alternative... Plus, I still have plenty to finish off in my cabinets.

Beyond my wallet and weekly diet - I broke the 2 week plateau streak and hit some weight loss (slightly over 4 pounds). Felt good considering I didn't do anything besides partake in some extra deli meats.

Sleep-wise - man-oh-man - I need to sleep. I hate how this is a constant battle.

Socially - saw some fam - good times/stories/jokes - and - tomorrow I plan on seeing some good friends at the movies... and hope to enjoy said movies.

.

.

24th CHECK-IN:

Current Goals:

Lose 52 lbs

Completed as of 4/12/2023

New Goal: Maintain or Continue on The Weight Loss Path

Avoid "Junk Food"

Minimize Take-Out / Fast Food Consumption

Short Term:

Vegetarian-ish Diet: Completed

End Date: 4/09/2023 - 46 Days Total

.

.

Meal Tracker:

THURSDAY

Lunch:

(1) Hot Ham & Swiss on a Burger Bun

(1) Turkey Swiss on a Burger Bun

Handful of Good & Gather's Tex Mex Trail Mix

Snack:

Bag of BBQ Corn Nuts

Supper:

(1) Hot Ham & Swiss on a Burger Bun

(1) Turkey Swiss on a Burger Bun

(2) Triangle Wedges of Watermelon

(1) Glass of Milk

FRIDAY

Lunch:

(1) Turkey Swiss on a Burger Bun

(1) Chicken and American Cheese on Burger Bun

Bag of BBQ Corn Nuts

Snack:

(1) Old Wisconsin Turkey Sausage & Cheddar Cheese Stick Combo

Supper:

(2) Chicken and American Cheese Sandwiches on Sesame Seed Buns

(1) Triangle Wedge of Watermelon

Bag of Orville Redenbacher Ultimate Butter Popcorn

SATURDAY

Lunch:

(2) Chicken and American Cheese Sandwiches on Sesame Seed Buns

Bag BBQ Corn Nuts

Snack:

Handful of Good & Gather's Tex Mex Trail Mix

Bag of Smartfoods White Cheddar Popcorn

Supper:

(1) Pineapple Brat on a Bakery Bun

- Ketchup

(1) Taco Brat on a Bakery Bun

- Ketchup

(1) Grilled Potato

(1) Glass of Chocolate Milk

SUNDAY

Lunch:

Cesaer Salad

Snack:

Bag of Smartfoods White Cheddar Popcorn

Bag of Orville Redenbacher Ultimate Butter Popcorn

(1) Glass of Chocolate Milk

Supper:

Chef Salad

(1) Medium Orange

MONDAY

Lunch:

Santa Fe Style Salad

Handful of Wonderful's Smokey BBQ Pistachios

Supper:

Chef Salad

(1) Medium Orange

TUESDAY

Lunch:

Santa Fe Style Salad

Handful of Wonderful's Salt & Vinegar Pistachios

Supper:

(1) Homemade Oven-Baked Ham, Pastrami, Chicken Swiss Slider on a Artesian Bun

(1) Medium Orange

WEDNESDAY

Lunch:

(3) Leftover Homemade Oven-Baked Ham, Pastrami, Chicken Pepperjack Sliders on a Artesian Buns

Supper:

(3) Leftover Homemade Oven-Baked Ham, Pastrami, Chicken Pepperjack Sliders on a Artesian Buns

(2) Glass of Chocolate Milk

(1) Medium Orange

Bag of Orville Redenbacher Ultimate Butter Popcorn

.

.

Workouts:

THURSDAY

(200) Jumping Jacks [4 sets of 50]

(100) Glute Bridges [4 sets of 25]

(100) Push-Ups [10 sets of 10]

(100) Assisted Push-Ups [2 sets of 50]

(50) Reverse Leg Lifts [5 sets of 10]

(50) Leg Kickbacks [5 sets of 10]

(100) Sit-Ups [5 sets of 20]

FRIDAY

(200) Jumping Jacks [4 sets of 50]

(100) Glute Bridges [4 sets of 25]

(100) Push-Ups [10 sets of 10]

(100) Assisted Push-Ups [2 sets of 50]

(50) Reverse Leg Lifts [5 sets of 10]

(50) Leg Kickbacks [5 sets of 10]

(5 min) Planks [5 sets of 1 min]

SATURDAY

(200) Jumping Jacks [4 sets of 50]

(100) Glute Bridges [4 sets of 25]

(100) Push-Ups [10 sets of 10]

(100) Assisted Push-Ups [2 sets of 50]

(50) Reverse Leg Lifts [5 sets of 10]

(50) Leg Kickbacks [5 sets of 10]

(100) Sit-Ups [5 sets of 20]

SUNDAY

(200) Jumping Jacks [4 sets of 50]

(100) Glute Bridges [4 sets of 25]

(100) Push-Ups [10 sets of 10]

(100) Assisted Push-Ups [2 sets of 50]

(50) Reverse Leg Lifts [5 sets of 10]

(50) Leg Kickbacks [5 sets of 10]

(5 min) Planks [5 sets of 1 min]

MONDAY

(200) Jumping Jacks [4 sets of 50]

(100) Glute Bridges [4 sets of 25]

(100) Push-Ups [10 sets of 10]

(100) Assisted Push-Ups [2 Sets of 50]

(50) Reverse Leg Lifts [5 sets of 10]

(50) Leg Kickbacks [5 sets of 10]

(100) Sit-Ups [5 sets of 20]

TUESDAY

(200) Jumping Jacks [4 sets of 50]

(100) Glute Bridges [4 sets of 25]

(100) Push-Ups [5 sets of 10]

(100) Assisted Push-Ups [2 sets of 50]

(50) Reverse Leg Lifts [5 sets of 10]

(50) Leg Kickbacks [5 sets of 10]

(5 min) Planks [5 sets of 1 min]

WEDNESDAY

(200) Jumping Jacks [4 sets of 50]

(100) Glute Bridges[4 sets of 25]

(100) Push-Ups [10 sets of 10]

(100) Assisted Push-Ups [2 Sets of 50]

(50) Reverse Leg Lifts [5 sets of 10]

(50) Leg Kickbacks [5 sets of 10]

(100) Sit-Ups [5 sets of 20]

.

.

WEIGHT TRACKER:

Starting Weight (Noon, 1/01/2023): XXX.X lbs

Weight at Last Check-In, 6/07/2023: ZERO lbs

Weight As of Noon, 6/14/2023: -4.4 lbs

Total Weight Loss: -69.8 lbs

.

.

Closing Thoughts:

The Good:

Coming off a 2 week plateau and losing over 4 pounds. Nice little bump - but - still aware another plateau can surdace.

The Bad:

I've had some tad off days at work.

The Ugly:

Feel like a broken record - but - I am jonesing for some good ol' fashion sleep.

[pumpkinespresso]

Omg… ;; I haven’t had a cheat day in weeks and this morning after we woke up, my bf said he’s going to take me to ihop later!!!!

You guys have no idea how much I love pancakes!!! 🥞

[honeysuckle-venom]

Warning for eating disorder and diet culture stuff. This includes discussing specific foods and feelings that some foods are better than others. Also this is super long.

I've had an ed for a loooong time. Arguably my whole life, though it wasn't diagnosed until it turned into anorexia when I was 13. I'm no longer anorexic, my ed has morphed a lot over the years, but I still have an eating disorder 12 years later.

I've been working on ed recovery for a long time, but it often takes a backseat to a lot of my other issues. I'm too exhausted fighting with psychosis and dissociation to spend my energy fighting my ed a lot of the time. Plus, I'm not anorexic or anything anymore. I have partially recovered, and what's left is mostly obsessive rules about what foods can be eaten on the same day as what other foods or being obsessed with eating enough fruits and vegetables, not flat out restricting. So physically my ed doesn't take as big of a toll as it once did, though according to my therapist I probably still don't eat quite enough, but whatever. The point is I can afford to focus on other things, I'm not at much physical risk from the current form of my ed.

But I still have to be pretty careful. It's easy for my current mostly-recovered state to be thrown off and to go straight down a serious orthorexic rabbit hole. A lot of my food rules that are left surround carbs, probably because my parents did Atkins on and off my whole life. A few weeks ago my dad started doing Atkins again. If you don't know it, it's basically keto-lite, with serious carb restriction. This has been somewhat triggering for me, but I've been pushing through and doing okay. Listening to lots of Food Psych, reminding myself that diet culture is bs and diets don't work and are usually harmful, etc etc.

But then yesterday I spoke to my doctor. And she knows that generally speaking I am not open to adjusting my diet. She's been great about it. I've had high cholesterol and I'm technically "obese" and she's been amazing about not pushing me to lose weight or change my eating habits despite that. But yesterday she did bring up the possibility of trying an anti-inflammatory diet bc of the inflammation. She was careful not to be pushy about it and be clear it was just an option and something I could talk to my therapist about. But it doesn't matter. It was enough.

Last night in the middle of the night I woke up and panicked about food. I spent an hour at 3 am researching anti-inflammatory diets and becoming increasingly panicked. Like pretty much every suggestion when it comes to "healthy eating", it would involve limiting or eliminating processed foods, fried foods, added sugars, and simple carbs. And increasing legumes, vegetables, fruits, and "healthy fats". No surprise there. That's what every diet in the world says. And that's what my brain tells me all the time and what I spend a lot of time freaking out about and fighting. And I'm just soooo triggered now. I'm caught between half of me saying "you have to do this, this is healthy, this is right, cut out junk food, stop eating baked goods, broccoli broccoli broccoli" and half of me saying "please don't make me do this! I like bread, I've liked learning to bake, I like chocolate, I'm terrified of never being able to eat these things again." I just feel so so so lost and conflicted and afraid of both options. I know the answer is to just talk to my therapist about all this and not rush into anything, and I'm going to do that. But I'm just freaking out right now and I needed to get some of it out here.

[pluviophile-bookworm]

HSMTMTS 3x2: The stakes have never been higher

I’ve been semi-off the grid for the past week or so, and will be even more off-the-grid for another, so I’m now so late to this episode, but from what I’ve been glimpsing during my very brief online presence, it seems quite a bit more promising than the first one. I just hope I’m not disappointed again. I’m putting off re-packing my suitcase for this. But, the thing is, waiting extra long to get here has sort of made me care more about the show again, so I suppose there’s that. Let’s dive in at last and see what this one’s got to offer.

‘Disney+’s Frozen: the Musical: the Series’? This season is entirely too meta and I love that! Also, EJ, they would totally call it that. I mean, they sort of already did once, not that you’d know… and now I sort of want season four to be about the characters becoming aware they’re, well, characters in a tv show… that would be something for real. And I’m only half-joking here.

Also, can we acknowledge how wholesome Portwell are being here? Love that for them. I refuse to take any part in any ship wars, besides, if you recall, I didn’t really see Portwell coming until halfway into season 2 (oblivious much?), but like, they’re the real deal. If we can’t have Redlyn or Seblos this season, at least there’s still them.

Idk why, but Maddox is just bothering me entirely too much. Which is a shame because I wanted to like her. But then again, I wanted to like ‘Napoleon over here’ (yes, I’m still calling him that, it’s now become part of honouring Big Red who first called him that) and then he severely disappointed me, so… I suppose the lesson which can be learnt here is ‘never get attached to a new character before you’ve seen them actually in the show’ or something…

I said it once before and I’ll say it again (and I’ll probably say it at least once an episode if things keep going in the same direction they are now) — Carlos is entirely too relatable this season. Not that he wasn’t before, but, come on, Broadway-diva-in-the-making Carlos Rodriguez in a summer camp setting? Hits different.

I am so intrigued by Jet though… like, I want to know more about him, and I want it now. Just give it to me already…

Kourtney without her phone is reminding me a lot of me in my last year of high school when I had to cut off flour and sugar from my diet in order to get into my prom dress… would not recommend. But yeah, I was fully just scenting bread whenever I went even where there was definitely none, and can I just say I feel for Kourt here…

Ashlyn saying Gina’s brought 1.0 to camp… sort of true, and it’s not like a little bit of that is a bad thing at all, or like she means it in a bad way. Like, come on, these two are sisters. They love each other. But Gina 2.5 is a Gina I’m liking a lot. And this season’s soundtrack is really pulling out all the stoppers, isn’t it? I feel like no matter how the other aspects of the show may get, the music is still going to be the best part of it all, and that’s saying a lot.

Ricky ‘rewinding’ himself was so funny and adorable and, like, embracing the obvious awkwardness of the moment… love that for him honestly. I feel like he’s on a good path this season and I’ll be back to liking him full time, not just occasionally.

‘Friends? Enemies? Lovers? *looks at camera*’ Ricky is fully giving bi energy here and I can’t say I (and about a few thousands more people on here) didn’t call it ages ago. Now can we please just make it happen?

Ok but Ricky and Gina at the sight of EJ and Val hugging reminded me a lot, for whatever reason, of Angelica and Laurens at the Hamilton wedding. I said what I said. Just… idk. That was the vibe I got for some reason.

And… suddenly I want to see tiny Val and EJ together in The Sound of Music… I love that show and I love the thought of these two as tiny little kids, being the best of friends and whatnot… just… add that to the list of scenes I’ll never see except for in my imagination, ok.

Ok but Maddox is just really getting on my nerves right now… it’s one thing being used to do things by yourself, but it’s another to rudely refuse any sort of help. What scares me the most about her, however, is that I feel like I’m seeing quite a bit of myself in her and I’m just not liking that at all. Like, I want to like her, and then I don’t, and then it’s because she reminds me of the side of me I’m still learning to love… an acquired taste, alright. Is it possible to be terribly annoyed by a character and still relate to them way too much? Because that’s where I’m at with Maddox right now.

‘… you’re not even friends. You’re the competition’… Now why would Gina say that… to her fans, too? Like, she might have gone through some stuff and learnt a few lessons along the way, but they’ve not been through what she’s been through. What if they mess things up royally because of her words of advice? But hey, that’s a solid reminder that Gina is still just a kid, too, and she’s got a lot to learn yet.

EJ embracing his inner Miss Jenn is… well, something I didn’t know I was supposed to expect, but then, is it a season of HSMTMTS if the director doesn’t circle everyone up and sing a song from the show they’re doing in the highest pitch they’re capable of? Or… or if Ricky doesn’t show up late with a bang? I think Carlos put it best here, in another one of his highly-quotable one-liners: ‘Now that’s tradition!’ Enough said.

I was going to comment on individual performances during this audtition montage, but… how could I single anyone out? Everybody is just lovely and, like, I came prepared with a cast list but I don’t know anymore… except… Alex and Emmy are 100% young Elsa and Anna and you can’t convince me otherwise.

One thing other than the music which I’m loving about this season is definitely the guest stars. I mean, Jesse Tyler Ferguson as Nini’s donor wasn’t something I wanted or expected or anything, but now that I’ve got it, I’m just curious to see the dynamics. And the contractually obligated awkwardness is there, but it’s sort of a positive, embraced awkwardness. I said last time that I didn’t care much about Nini’s story this season and that was because I thought they’d be basically just replicating Olivia’s own, but it seems I’ve underestimated this show’s potential in terms of storylines. I like this much more than a 100% focus on her music or whatever. That might be a bit of a controversial opinion, but it’s my opinion and I’ll stand by it until I don’t believe in it anymore… if that ever happens.

So… let me get this straight (or, like, as straight as possible when there are exclusively queer people involved) — Marvin and Nini’s mums were in a band together? Well, then, you can say it runs in the family, indeed. See, now that makes any music-related Nini storyline that much more interesting to me.

Pls… Jet arriving an hour late to the auditions and everyone just supporting him, no questions asked (shout-out to Ricky and Ashlyn especially)? I’m not crying, you’re crying! And I love his vocals, too. But in a show like this, that was a given.

‘He’s like a little Ricky’. Couldn’t have said it better myself. And… proud big brother (?) Ricky is my new favourite Ricky.

I love it so much when songs tie so inseparably into the context of their scene in the show… and You Never Know has definitely got that going for it. I mean, the first verse mirroring what Marvin told Nini, and then the title being the same as The University Clowns’ one big hit… I love that for it. And the music in this season continues to be top-notch.

Pls Ashlyn’s got a BATB rose? Love that so much!! It’s just a nice detail, you know. Also, it makes me wonder if maybe Big Red gave it to her?

Has… has Gina defending Maddox got to do anything with the fact that, out of all three Wildcat girls, she’s the only one Maddox hasn’t been vaguely rude to yet? And what… what was Maddox up to in the dark? I need details and I need them now. And I want to know what it is in the cast list that Carlos refuses to let happen… I suppose I’ll have to spend another week barely-online, waiting to find out… I sort of like it how life is making me more interested in HSMTMTS by taking it away from me for the 2nd week in a row. But I hope this next one will be the last one like this.

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression Ep 53 - Trying the pot shaped Baumkuchen

K: Hi, this is Dir en grey's Kaoru with this week's episode of The Freedom of Expression. Joe san, Tasai san, welcome.

T: This..*looks at large box on desk*

K: There's an impressive presence here. I feel a bit squshed.

J: Absolutely!

K: What do you think this is?

T: What is it?

J: This is...what is it? It has a red ribbon on it.

K: Yeh, just seeing this, its like....

T: Like a christmas present, with a wooden box.

J: Is the box made of wood?

K: Well, do you remember that story we did before... the antiques in the showcase, that you had to look twice to see what they really were?

J: Oh yes, that story! We did that a while ago.

T: The Baumkuchen?

J: The Baumkuchen! There's no Baumkuchen in Nishinari! That one.

K: Yep, its the pot type.

J: The pot. Its here!

T: The price is quite high, right?

K: I think so.

J: Ehh, where was this place again?

T: Was it Sakura Shinmachi?

J: Sakura Shinmachi? Oh yes, Sakura Shinmachi.

K: 'Baumkuchen Villon'

J: Villon san! We're doing this now?

K: Lets open it up and have a look, then we can eat it.

J: Yes please, I love sweet stuff!

K: You do, don't you?

J: Yes. 

K: Can I open this?

T: There are some wet tissues here.

K: Ah, I'll use one of those.

J: Yes, disinfect first. If this didn't have a red ribbon on it, I would have thought Kam was dead or something. Just at a glance, haha.

Kami: Kami is dead? Its cause I'm a Nishinari god. I don't recognize Baumkuchen.

J: Yeah

T: ???*1

J: Can Kami see us, he probably can't from up there?

Kami: I can see you.

K: Im gonna open it.

J: Yehy. Im so happy. I really am! This is the real deal!

K: Wow, amazing! I can't tilt it to show you, but there's something written on here.

J: Oh, there is...Baumkuchen. Ah, this is so exciting. I remember from the news story that there were various types, but this is massive.

*Kaoru lifts lid off box*

T, J: Oh!

Kami: You're good at opening it.

T: Good at opening it, haha. He's watching. Ah! I can smell it!

K: *Looking in box* Oh!...I can't see it yet.

J, T: Ahhh, haha.

J: Of course.

*K picks card out of box*

J: Ah, the shop's name is written on it. Western confectionary, Villon.

K: I can kind of see it a bit now.

J: Can you? How are you gonna get it out? Is pulling it out the only way?

K: Hm, like this? *pulls on inner plastic*

T: Hahaha

J: I'll support the box. I'll put my hand here.

K: I'll get rid of all this cushioning first.

T: Hand the rubbish over to me.

J: I'll support the box. If this goes wrong Im gonna scream....Are you gonna pull it out?

K: I guess so.

J: Right, cause theres no place to break the box apart. You'll have to pull it up. Get ready to see Kaoru pulling up this Baumkuchen, everyone.

K: Is this ok?

J: There's no other way to do it.

K: Isn't it written on the card how to open it?

T: You must have to pull it out.

J: Yeah.

Kami: Its like, however you look at it, its a Baumkuchen where you can only see the ribbon.

J: Yeah. Does it say how to get it out of the box?

K: No...

J: You sound like you might cry, haha.

K: It doesn't say.

J: You're just gonna have to pull it out.

T: Lets do it.

*K pulls cake out of box*

T, J: Woah!

Kami: Woah!

J: Incredible! This is totally amazing! What is this..?

Kami: Amazing!

J: Awesome! Its massive! How many portions is it??

Kami: Is this Baumkuchen?

J: Yes, it is. Well, the most important thing is the taste, right? How do you cut it?

T: I wanna look at it a bit longer.

K: I'll open the plastic.

J: Yes, lets do that first. Lets get everything off it.

K: Its pretty difficult to get this off.

J: Yeah, how do you get it off without breaking the cake?

K: Right...without breaking it..

J: Kaoru, use your dexterity.

K: Nah, its gonna break.

*K tears plastic*

J, T: Ohhh

T: Ah, but...

K: Ah, its working *continues tearing*

T: Oh, but I still can't tell....Oh, like that?

J: Yeah, that works.

K: Like, there is a platform at the bottom, but its kind of off centre.

J: Oh yes, its facing this way, its not centered.

T: This looks exactly like a pot, from the side.

J: If it was in a shop window, you'd think it was a pot. Even at home, you'd think it was a pot. It looks like one from any angle. This store makes regular sweets too, right?

K: Yeah, I think so, its not just this.

Kami: How do they make it?

J: Yeah, Im just having a look in the leaflet, but it doesn't say how they make it. I don't think it said in the article before either....Ah! Its open! It says they use special eggs to make it though.

Kami: Ah, it looks great.

J: Ah, it does look great. Can I take a photo?

T: Here it is!

K: Its really difficult to move it though. Can.I just leave it on here?

J: Yeah. Thats the safest way to do it.

K: It seems a waste to cut it.

J: Yeah, ???*2

K: It seems a waste.

J: How exactly are you gonna cut it though?

K: Hm, how should I?

T: This will show your personality.

K: Should we try to cut it in the most interesting way we can?

J: Ah, yeah, for the show.

K: It wouldn't be that interesting to just cut the top off, would it?

J: Right.

T: How about straight down from the top?

K: Ah, like this? Then we can see the layers on the inside.

T: Yeh yeh, I wanna see that.

J: Yeh, almost like disecting the cake.

K: Lets do that.

J: Ok, lets do it.

K: Can I get the knife?

T: You're gonna do it?

K: Here we go....There are people recording this on their phones *points to off camera*.

T: Yeah, I will too *gets phone out*

J: Just in case.

K: *cutting* Ah, its cutting easily. *To Tasai recording* Yeah, the viewers can't see this bit, so send over what you recorded later....Hang on a sec.

J: What is it? Did it get harder?

K: This part is more dense. Can you pass me a tissue?

J: Do you have to support the top?

T: Do we have any tissues that aren't wet tissues?

K: Ok, I'll use this fork.

J: I wonder why people order this type of thing? Do they use it for parties, or something?

*Kaoru making the second cut *

J: Ahh, how is this gonna turn out?!

K: Yeah, I wonder how this is gonna work.

J: Is it just gonna break apart after you finish cutting?....Oh, amazing!

K: Can you put a plate here? What should I do next?

J: Ah, the piece is already falling out!

T: I'll give you another plate.

K: Ah, this is really difficult! ...Should I like... *motions cutting it in half horizontally* ..I'm just gonna have to grab it with my hand.

J: Yeah, you'll have to. You did clean your hands before.

*K pulls out piece*

J: Ohh, amazing!

K: Ok, I'll put the knife here.

J: Wow, the top section is trembling. Look at the inside. Should we move the rest out of the way?

K: Hm, what should we do? I'll turn it round so everyone can see.

J: It looks so nice cut open.

T: Ahh, great.

Kami: You are good at cutting.

J: Kami said you're good at this.

K: Good at what?

J: He said you're good at cutting. He's complimenting you. Ok, should we try eating it.

K: I'll cut the bits that my hands havn't touched, and then we can eat those bits.

J: Ahh, Im looking forward to this. It looks delicious.

K: I'll just put this here.

J: How many portions is a regular Baumkuchen?

K: Yeh.

J: Which is the best bit? I get the feeling the end section might be good.

K: I don't know really.

J: Ah, is that bit crispy? Its like we're filming a regular ???*

T: ???*3

Kami: Where was the shop again?

J: Sakura Shinmachi.

T: Yeah, Villon in Sakura Shinmachi.

J: Ah, it looks delicious. Thats the thing, its made to look like a pot, but Baumkuchen is also usually really delicious. It says here they use really fresh eggs. As to why it has such a deep flavour, its because they use fresh eggs. Eggs from chickens fed a specific diet.

T: Ehh. By the way, how much did this cost again?

*K hands piece to J*

J: Oh, thank you! Ok, should we try it? This looks so good! Isn't it really yellow?

T: Oh, yeah.

J: Ah, it smells good.

T: Which part is this piece from?

K: I don't know.

T: I wanna make it into a puzzle, like fit the pieces back in, haha.

J:*takes fork* Ok lets eat! Sorry Kami, you can only watch.

Kami: Its nice for you.

J: Kami is this the first time you've seen people eating Baumkuchen?

Kami: Yeah. But I've got alcohol.

T: Im gonna try the outside 'pot' bit.

*everyone eating*

J: Mm

K: It tastes good.

J: Mmm.

T: The outside bit smells good.

J: You could just go on and on eating this.

T: Yeah.

J: The shape is unique, but the taste is like a really simple Baumkuchen, its delicious.

Kami: Is it sweet?

T: Its really good, Kami.

*K passes pieces from the neck of the pot out*

J: Ah, from the neck.

T: Its from up here, right?

J: Yeah. Ah, this bit from the top tastes really good. How to describe it..?

K: Its a bit like bread.

J: Yeah, its a lot like bread. Its Baumkuchen, but the top but is closer to bread.

T: Yeah, its well cooked.

J: Its so nice.

K: Its impossible to finish this.

J: Yeah, its impossible between four people.

T: It probably serves about ten people.

J: We are living in times where we can't have parties and stuff..but when we can again, then...

K: Well, you could have it at home, share it with your grandma and grandad.

J: Oh, yeah, that would be good. Ahh, this is great.

T: Its pretty interesting.

K: So this would originally be like a tall cylinder shape..they've probably just shaved some of it off here to make this shape, right?

J: I guess so.

T: I wonder...

J: How did they?

K: Or did they like brush it on?

T: Well, maybe they put a lot thin layers on this bit and put it on more thickly on the other bit.

K: But ???4 *points to horizontal surface of pot*

J: Oh yes, thats right.

T: Joe san!

J: Ha, I don't know.

K: Don't you think it was originally the same thickness all the way up, then shaped down?

T: Well, yeah, you can see that bit, its cooked like that.

J: Yeah, cause Baumkuchen is made on a long bar, and usually sliced up. But if they shaved it into shape while it was still on the bar..

K: Yeah, like when you make pottery, shave it down while turning the bar around. Thats what it seems like to me.

T: ???*5

J: Yeah, its baked.

K: Yeh, its like that at the top too.

T: Oh, ok.

K: Hahaha

J: You agree now, right. Well, if the store staff who made this are watching, please write in the comments how its made.

*On screen note with close up of cake: They emphasized this idea, but it appears to be totally wrong*

T: Its nice, isn't it?

J: Yes, I enjoyed it. Thank you.

K: This was a very 'youtube' type idea.

J: Yeah, but this was the biggest expense of the show so far.

T: Hahaha

J: So please give us some views everyone, haha.

T: Yeah.

K: Ok, lets finish here this week.

J: Thanks for the meal!

K: It was delicious.

J: It was.

K: Thank you very much.

Kami: I didn't eat annny!

*1,2,3,4,5 Couldn't catch/figure out.

To top page

[cafedanslanuit]

RFA with a MC that grew up in really bad poverty

@gompereatsall​ sent me this awesome prompt:  “One of them is MC who grew up in really bad poverty, like so bad that she didnt know of she would have food on the table or not. Even as an adult, shes still extremely cautious with money and tries to make unnecessary sacrifices just to save money”

It took a long time for me to write it, not because it isn’t amazing, but it hit too close to home lol. I’m still so happy about how these turned out, so I hope you like ‘em too! <3

Zen

He’s really surprised you know all the tricks to save money because it comes in handy when he’s in between gigs.

Is really surprised when you tell him you don’t have dinner, though.

“But… you had dinner with us the night of the RFA party”

“Yes, but I usually don’t. It’s just a habit, I’m good with a cup of tea”.

He thinks it’s because it’s part of a strange diet, so he talks to you about the importance of eating well and that if you wanted to lose weight, you could accompany him on his morning runs.

It takes a while before you admit to him you started doing it because it meant spending less on food. You had done it when you were younger and now you were so used to it you didn’t think about changing that.

Zen’s heart breaks. He knows about having little money to go on, but he never wanted you to experience that or feel like you had to keep doing that. Sure, he didn’t have a lot of money but he didn’t want you to feel you had to stop eating in order to save money.

So, he makes sure you have dinner every night and when he’s not rehearsing, he will sit with you and eat together.

Yoosung

One night while you’re both lying in bed, too dark to see each other’s faces, he asks you whether you prefer PlayStation or Xbox

You say you really don’t have a preference.

He keeps insisting on which made you feel more comfortable or was easier to play with.

You confess you’ve never had a gaming console

“Not even a Nintendo?” “Nope”

He has a hard time understanding it at first. He’s lived with a family that made sure he always had clean clothes, a bed and a warm meal waiting for him, how could you have gone without knowing if you were going to eat the next day.

After making some questions, trying not to make you uncomfortable, he holds you tight against his chest, promising you’ll never have to go through any of that again. That even if someday you’ll no longer together as a couple -which he hopes will never happen-, you’ll always have a place in his family.

Jaehee

You were both getting drunk on wine Jumin had given you, laughing at everything and anything, when she had to take a call. Jaehee excused herself and left you on the living room.

When she returned, you were looking at your phone, your eyes filled with tears. Her smile fell instantly.

“MC, what happened?”

“You know this wine is over $200?” you said, amused, your eyes glued on the screen. “I was curious and google it. We’re drinking $200 wine. I… I never thought I’d ever be drinking wine that didn’t come from a box”

Jaehee sat beside you and took the phone from your hands, worried that more and more tears fell from your cheeks. She didn’t know what to say, she didn’t understand why you were crying when you had just been laughing five minutes ago.

“I can’t believe I would go from going to bed on an empty stomach to drinking expensive wine with my girlfriend. Fuck…,” you laughed dryly, not being able to stop the tears anymore.

Jaehee held your hand and squeezed it, reassuring you. You turned to her and tried to smile. 

“I love you so much” you whispered, kissing the back of her hand.

“I love you too”

Wiping your tears with your free hand, you tried to regulate your breathing in order to keep talking. You took your time in telling you about your childhood, how rough it was for you sometime and how weird did it feel to have a warm bed, a loving girlfriend and food available at any time now that you were living together.

Jaehee hadn’t experience a harsh shortage of money, but she could understand the loneliness. She held your hand as you told her about your past life and nodded at the appropriate times.

“I know you’ve been lonely and afraid. But… that part of your life is over now. You know that, right? You’ll never be on your own anymore,” she assured you with a small smile. You smiled back and then hugged her, inhaling the soft aroma of her perfume that still lingered on her neck. Yes, you weren’t alone anymore. You wouldn’t be anymore.

Jumin

You never wanted to tell him about that, as you were afraid he wouldn’t understand.

But one day he was too busy to eat the dinner the chef had made and threw it on the trash.

He didn’t expect your gasp.

“Why-- why you would throw it out!?”

“Did you want to eat it? I thought you already had dinner”

“No, I didn’t want it, but why would you throw away food?”

“I’m sorry love, I don’t follow”

“You don’t through away food!!!”

Jumin embraced your trembling body and held you against his chest until your breathing returned to normal. He kept caressing your hair, trying to soothe you the best way he could. After a couple of minutes, he pulled away and cradled your face with his hands. He wiped away the tears with his thumbs, a concerned expression on his face.

“My love, is everything okay? Did something happen?”

After taking a deep breath, you tell him about the problems you had years ago. How you would eat leftovers from four or five days ago because you couldn’t afford to throw it away. If a vegetable or bread got mould you would cut the bad part and use the rest. Even if it’s been years without having to do that, seeing someone throwing away food still shocked you.

Jumin listened to you in silence. He promised he would never do that again and that both of you could come up with a plan on what to do with the leftovers that didn’t trigger you.

The next few days, Jumin started working a project to help people in need and then offered you to take the lead on that. You accepted and within a few months, he helped you organize a soup kitchen where you offered food. Sometimes you would go there and help out yourself and even Jumin joined you some of those times, happy to see you smiling once again.

Saeyoung

He kind of knew about your situation when he first did his background check on you. He didn’t mention it on the chat, but rather waited until you told him about it.

He had noticed how you would always pick out the cheapest options when you went to the supermarket and who you would always negotiate for a lowe price at the farmer’s market, even after you knew how much money he owned and the expensive cars he drove.

One night, you were both laying in bed, looking at the glow-in-the-dark space stickers he had on his ceiling. After a lot silence, you took his hand, your eyes fixated on the starts. You started telling him about how hard it was growing up, the nervousness about not knowing whether you would be able to have lunch or not the next day.

After you were done, he confessed about what happened during his childhood, how his mother would get wasted and stop buying food for them. How he had to get food for Saeran and him and how the would go to bed without dinner most days of the week. How he would give his food to Saeran when he got sick as he needed to be well-fed for his body to battle the disease.

“But that part of our lives is over, okay?” he said, grabbing your chin and making you look at him. “I have a bunch of money now. Even if something happens to me, I’ll make sure you get that money so you never have to go hungry again”.

“Hey, don’t say that. Nothing’s going to happen to you. You, Saeran and me, we’re a family now. We’re stronger together, so don’t ever say that again, please. I don’t know what I’d do without you”

You kissed him on the corner of his mouth earning a smile for your boyfriend.

“Okay” Saeyoung nodded, hugging you as tightly as he could. “Stronger together, then”.

[hanniiesuckle17]

Stray Kids Reaction: S/o Going/Is Vegan

A/n: So this was a little cracky but I hope you all like it! (sorry not thoroughly edited) lets be honest the boys have probably been on weird diets so they would probably be chill with it....except for Changbin....cause he loves his meat

Requested by: anonymous 

Tag List: @distrikt9​ @mini-meanhoe​ @poeticallyspaghetti​ @hanstagrams​ @desertofdessert​ @yangomangos​ @hoes4hoseok​ (Tag List is Open)

Chan:

“You’re what now?” 

Your boyfriend asked flopping on the couch. He had come home to you cooking in the kitchen, a new smell filling your apartment. “Vegan.” The asparagus you were sauteeing in a pan smelled incredible...-to you. The substitute butter sizzled around the vegetables. “I noticed I haven’t exactly been eating well with my classes piling up. So, I thought I would just change my diet.”

Chan nodded and walked into the kitchen. You held up a spoon to his mouth letting him taste the food. His lips closed over the metal utensil and you watched him chew. His eyes popped out of his head and he nodded. “It’s so good!” You slapped his hand away from getting more. “Well, you know I’m all for a healthy lifestyle.” 

Chan helped you finish cooking and the two of you sat down to eat. He watched with a smile as you poured yourself a glass of wine and took a sip. You met his stare and smiled. “What?” 

“Did you check if that wine was vegan?” 

You froze, fork halfway to your mouth. “Isn’t all wine vegan?” 

“No,” Chan said with a laugh, sipping on his own wine. 

Grabbing the bottle you scanned every inch of the label. Chan tried to stifle his laughter, creating ripples in red alcohol sitting in his glass. Sighing, you set the bottle down and pushed your glass away making Chan laugh.

“Welp...I don’t know what I’m going to do with the other three bottles I bought.”

“There are cheat days for vegans too.” He wouldn’t stop laughing the rest for the remainder of dinner.

Minho:

“I’m starving; are we there yet?” Minho asked adjusting the cap on his head. 

Your hands swung between the two of you as you strolled through the streets looking for the food district. You had been shopping all day and it was well past lunch. “Should be just around the corner.” Each of you carried bags from various stores, but you felt happiest that his hand was wrapped around yours. 

After a few turns, you arrived on the street full of restaurants. Your eyes scanned the signs looking for something suitable for you to eat. Minho began pointing at random restaurants, delectable aromas floating from their dining rooms. “What about sushi?” 

“Meat.”

“Burgers.”

“Meat.” 

“That place.”

“It’s korean barbeque, babe.”

“YES! The best kind!” You laughed and pulled him further down the savory smelling street. “What about that place?” You shook your head seeing photos of meat-based dishes on their windows. “Y/n, can we eat in the century?” 

Minho trudged behind you, failing to pull you towards a pizza place. “Minho, you know I’m vegan.”

“Yes, I know. You’re a rabbit. But, I want meat.”

Changbin:

“Aren’t you hungry, baby?”

Changbin’s long fingers maneuvered the chopsticks to flip over a few pieces of meat on the grill in the middle of the table. You hadn’t been dating for long. He had invited you to meet him and Chan for dinner and you were not about to pass up time with him. “Um...a little.” 

You watched Changbin and his friend happily chew on the juicy meat. He didn’t seem to notice your visible gulp and the goosebumps crawling over your skin. You were doing your best to ignore the distinct smell of the barbeque. “You want some?” He held a perfectly cooked piece out to you.

“Uh-...no thanks. I’m good. I’m actually vegan.”

Changbin stopped mid-chew. He turned to Chan before looking back at you. “Wait...what does that mean?” Changbin looked genuinely confused, his cheeks still stuffed with food. Chan apologized, flagging down a waiter and asking for something for you to eat. Meanwhile, Changbin still staring at you completely clueless.

“Dude...she doesn’t eat meat or animal products.”

“YOU DON’T EAT MEAT?” His eyes went wide in utter disbelief. It was hard not to laugh. “How do you survive?” 

“It’s actually a really healthy way to live. Plus it’s better for the Earth.”

“But.....meat...” You smiled watching him stare at the plate of vegetables being placed in front of you by the waiter. “Meat....” He whispered again, looking between the grill and you plate.

Hyunjin:

“Y/n, do you have food?” 

Your boyfriend was calling out to you from somewhere in the dressing room. You looked down at the bag of baked veggie chips in your hand. “Yeah! I’m over here, love!” Hyunjin shuffled over, his hair pushed back by a headband and setting powder lining under his cheekbones. “Baked snacks for a baking boy.” You said with a laugh. 

He smiled sitting next to you. He reached over stuffing his hand in the bag and stuffing a few in his mouth without even looking at what it was. You watched his face melt into disgust. “Ew. What is that?” 

Handing him the bag he looked at it like it was something from an alien planet. “It’s baked carrots and other vegetables.”

“Yes....but why....”

“You do remember I went vegan like two weeks ago?”

Hyunjin stared at you for a minute seemingly trying to remember the conversation you had about thirteen days ago. “Wait- so what did you do with the candy I gave you yesterday?” 

He watched you shrug and look around the room. “I gave it Jeongin.”

“You just gave it to Jeongin?”

“Yeah, I can’t have it. I’m serious about this diet.” Hyunjin nodded and continued to stare at the bag of chips in your hand. You were starting to think he had spaced out on you. 

“Does all your food taste that bad?” 

Jisung:

“What’s for lunch, baby?” 

Jisung came up behind you, wrapping his strong arms around your waist. His chin rested on your shoulder as he smiled down at your working hands. “Avocado toast with Roma tomatoes, red onions, and a vegan mayonnaise spread.” 

“That sounds like heaven.” Jisung moaned behind you. 

“It really doesn’t bother you that I’m vegan?” He shook his head and stole a thin slice of the avocado you were cutting. 

“Not really. I mean-... I miss sushi sometimes...and cheesecake. But, I can have all those things at work or on special occasions. I don’t want to argue over a silly thing like this when you are obviously such a good cook regardless.”

You laughed and kissed his lips, backing him up against the counter. Jisung smiled, hands gripping your waist. “You really love me that much?” He nodded and kissed you again. “More than cheesecake?” 

“Sadly...yes.” 

You giggled, playing with the ends of his hair. “Okay, time to eat.” 

Jisung cheered and watched you expertly plate the food. Your hands nimbly worked on delicately placing the avocados atop the other ingredients on the toasted bread. The two of you sat down side by side plates in front of you. You watched Jisung take the first bite, like usual. His eyes lit up before devouring his first piece of avocado toast. 

“Don’t tell Felix...but you’re a better cook than him.” You laughed and lovingly placed your hand on his arm before eating your own lunch.

Felix:

“What are we thinking for dinner tonight?” 

Felix was looking at a shelf further down the aisle from you. Turning back, he watched you shrug. “Um...I don’t know. What about we make vegan burgers?” Beneath the mask Felix was wearing you were certain he was smiling brightly. 

“That sounds good.” He rolled the cart back over to you, tossing a few things in your cart on the way. 

“We could do portabella mushrooms for the patty. Ooo! Do they have avocados?” 

Felix laughed, watching you get excited about food. He was so happy that you loved cooking as much as he did. While he was surprised that you were vegan, he loved exploring new recipes with you. He was still shocked that he could now make so many things that didn’t even have meat or cheese or eggs. 

“Lix, they have red onions on sale! Buy two get one free!” 

His eyes widened seeing you holding two bags of the purple vegetable. “The question is,” Felix began, taking the bags and putting them in the cart. “Do they have vegan cheese here, or do we have to make a second stop?” 

You shrugged, looping your arm through your boyfriend’s as he pushed the cart towards the cheese part of the store. Felix smiled at your little affectionate action. Going grocery shopping with you was always one of his favorite things to do. Granted, it took a huge chunk out of his paycheck because the two of you always got carried away. But, your fridge was always fully stocked and the two of you hadn’t had a bad meal since moving in together. 

“They might have some. I did see a cool recipe for vegan brioche buns. I think we have the stuff for them at home.” 

Felix nodded and pushed the cart towards the checkout. The two of you waited in line, your arms wrapped around his stomach. “I’ll bake, you cook?”

“Deal.”

Seungmin:

“So, you don’t eat meat?”

Seungmin stared at you questioningly. You simply continued to drink your tea as you sat across from your boyfriend in a cafe. “Or cheese. Or eggs. Or milk. Basically any animal products.” Seungmin nodded, trying to wrap his head around the concept. 

“Not even beef?”

Your fingers played with the label on your cup. “No. No, beef.”

“What about steak?” 

“Min, that’s meat.”

He nodded obviously still thinking. “So...” You sighed, ready for my questions. It was tiresome sometimes having to deal with a society that couldn't accept a diet without dead animals in it. “What do you eat?” 

“Plenty of things. I’m actually a pretty good cook.” Seungmin sat on the edge of his chair completely invested in this fascinating topic. “I can make basically any meal you can think with a vegan substitute.” 

“Anything?” Your boyfriend watched you nod. Seungmin took another sip from his coffee. His long fingers drummed across the table. “What about surf and turf?” He laughed seeing you roll your eyes. 

His laughing stopped when you kicked his shin under the table. “You better watch it Mr. I’ll sneak into the dorm and stuff zucchini in your ears.” 

“Not carrots?”

“No, I like carrots.”

Jeongin:

“No meat. At all?” 

Jeongin stared stunned at the bowl in front of him. “Yep.” The metal of his spoon clinked against the white bowl. Unphased you continued to eat the amazing meal you had prepared.

“So...what is this? What are those dark chunks then?” 

“It Eggplant, mushrooms, tofu, and rice noodles in a spicy Szechuan sauce. It’s good. Try it.” 

It was almost comical watching Jeongin approach the dish. He sniffed the food on his spoon, a cautious look on his face. Hesitantly, he took it into his mouth and began chewing. You watched his facial expression waiting for the result. 

Your boyfriend swallowed the food, pursing his lips, and nodding his head. “Okay, so it’s good. But, that says more about your cooking than it does about vegan food.” 

The two of you enjoyed the rest of your dinner and Jeongin even helped you clean up. As you finished up washing the dishes you noticed Jeongin looking in your fridge. “Are you still hungry?”

He shook his head when he felt you hug him from behind. “There isn’t even cheese in your fridge!” 

“Jeongin...that’s what vegan means.”  

Jeongin still seemed to be searching your fridge for what he now knew would not be there. Still hugging him you watched as he opened up your freezer. You backed away, ears splitting from the high pitched scream your boyfriend let out. 

“WHERE’S YOUR ICE CREAM?!”

Requests are Temporarily Closed!

Masterlist

[novoplata]

It's time for that annual 'body post', in which I'd reflect about my journey towards fostering a healthier relationship with my body and food. I must say that the past year of on-again-and-off-again training for a physique competition (it's currently off, indefinitely) has taught me a lot about myself and about diet and exercise. Although I'm a nutritionist by training, I think that diet is something that is very personal and individualised -- it takes plenty of trials and errors to find out what works. Also, what works for me might not work for the other person. So, here are my reflections from the past year:

Heavy doesn't always mean fat

Above is a picture of me back when I was a runner. I weighed around 52-53kg at my heaviest, had absolutely zero muscles on my upper body and couldn't do a single push up even if my life depended on it.

This above was taken last week, 1+ year into CrossFit and a week into my strength cycle. I currently weigh 62.5kg, and knowing my body, I foresee probably gaining another 1-2kg more by the end of my 6-week strength cycle. As seen here, I'm hardly any thicker than I was in the first picture, yet there's a 10kg difference between them. Of course, I now have bigger shoulders and thighs, and thankfully, am now able to do push ups.

Nonetheless, on days when I weighed myself and saw that I've gotten heavier (I've gained 4kgs since November), it's easy to feel demoralised like I've somewhat failed. But if you've trained hard and eat clean 80% of the time, there's only gonna be one explanation for the weight gain -- more muscles! So don't worry about the scales too much!

To get rid of FUPA, be merciless about your sugar intake

Picture above taken in November 2020. Body weight circa 64-65kg.

Like many women, I struggle with trimming off that pesky belly fat above my pubic area (FUPA). In fact, when I lost weight and started gaining muscles almost two years ago, my belly was (and still is) stubbornly soft.

As you can see in the most recent picture, I've gotten rid of my FUPA significantly since, and what I realised is that it only started to budge once I've gotten stricter about cutting my sugar intake.

Above is my typical daily food intake. As you can see, I don't really care much about overshooting my daily protein and fat allocation. But I try as much as I can to cut back on my sugar intake to a bare minimum. This also means cutting down on natural and processed foods beyond just merely not adding table sugar: high GI fruits, processed cereals, white bread, diet food, etc. If you have to choose between low-fat and low-sugar, go for the latter.

You can't manage what you don't track

I'm a big fan of tracking things down, from what I eat to my workout program for the day. I believe that if you don't keep a record of something, there will be no effective way for you to manage it.

Tracking macros may take a little bit of getting used to but if you want long term success, there's really no other way to go about it. I don't think anyone ever 'accidentally' stumbles upon good musculature and body composition -- everything needs smart planning and effort.

Hopefully, next year I'll be able to show off some six packs. For now, my shoulders would have to do. Enjoying this journey so far ❤️❤️.

[juni-ravenhall]

sso healthy recipes idea

(this is NOT a project i would start being serious about sometime soon because i have way too much going on already! i want to focus on the horse game project as soon as im not crying everyday bc of the situation in israel for my gf + my health. and need to finish an ongoing commission.)

im attempting to start eating healthy again since this past week, and i decided that from today on i will try to start and stick to a pesco-mediterranean diet for the sake of my health. (which is not very different from how i used to eat 2.5 years ago before i had a massive breakdown due to abuse and stopped eating healthy.)

anyway, today i went shopping for lots of healthy food for the next few days, and it made me think: it would be fun to make a cookbook or just list of healthy recipes that are inspired by sso, my examples that i thought of while walking was:

- moorland; mrs holdsworth’s apple crumble with honey. bobcats’ pink smoothie. justin’s lasagna (i dont have a recipe yet but i would test some glutenfree and dairyfree options and figure something out). - marley’s baked potatoes, silverglade french potato salad, something w sweetpotatoes. (potato festival :D) - baroness’ grape-based fruit salad - björn and agnetha’s garden salad with optional edible flowers (and vegs cut/placed into flower shapes for serving) - valedale; elizabeth’s banana sourdough pancakes/bread (rye and oat based), some foods shaped like roses. - jorvik city; leonardo’s “nice cream” (different varieties). the harp café’s oat waffles. - dino valley; fruit popsicles, would be good to research some inuit food for insp too - something with cloudberries. sashimi. fish stew to warm up? - south hoof; seafood salad, shrimp crepes (glutenfree) - sunfield omelette, pulled chicken with corn - goldspur, something with healthy grains (the mills), maybe a bread. - fort pinta beach smoothie (mango, pineapple, coconut?)  - new hillcrest, jamie’s blueberry muffins (if i can figure out a good recipe) - some epona provencal recipes, ratatouille, chicken w herbs - jarlaheim; some medieval inspired recipes. jarlaheim medieval porridge - mistfall; some viking inspired foods + berries (need research). mb fried herring with lingonberries (personal fav). wildwoods - some “survival” vibe outdoorsy foods, maybe a trail mix / nuts or seeds bar. herds’ inspired berries and salad (could be colour based for herds like a red salad, purple/blue salad, green salad, as well as warrior one having more protein mb) - goldenhills pumpkin / pumpkin seed something (need research) - cape west fishing village, something w fish obvs (depends what fits thats not too similar to other fish recipes in the list) - firgrove; mrs packard’s pancake cake (sourdough oat pancakes base, maybe with coconut cream or homemade jam etc - figure out a nice cake). something with apples from the apple grove.  - winter village non-dairy hot cocoa with cinnamon (oat / soy / almond milk, etc, honey or dates for sweetener), some gingerbread type of recipe.  - midsummer feast meals? 

something i also thought about is wanting to use “horsey” food for many recipes, adding carrots, oats, apples. apparently flax seed is also used for horses a lot and is part of the diet i should be eating, so ill figure out what i like to use that for now that i start eating it. 

basically a long post of random food ideas i thought of while walking, feel free to reblog or message me if u have more healthy food ideas that would fit some sso location / npcs / holidays

[eyesaremosaics]

Healthy Meals/Snacks for acid reflux

Lately, my stomach problems have been so bad. I get acid reflux which causes terrible heartburn and also a panic attack which feels like a heart attack—no fun. Not to mention my esophagus was being burned so bad I couldn’t swallow food. I was literally choking on anything I tried to eat and was becoming so afraid to eat that I lost a bunch of weight.

So I did some research on alkaline foods that help aid digestion and settle acid reflux. I was disheartened to see that virtually everything I like is pretty much off limits, no dairy, no carbs, no tomato, no garlic, no vinegar, no citrus, no NOTHING. However, I found some creative ways to deal with this problem, and came up with some yummy meals/snacks that incorporate alkaline foods to help heal acid reflux.

1. Buddha bowl

Whole grains are excellent for acid reflux, especially quinoa. So I would make a big batch of quinoa to last me the week.

Then I would roast a bundle of broccolini (far superior to broccoli—I’m sorry) in sesame oil with salt and pepper. I like it to get crispy, but you can do it for 15-20 mins at 450 degrees. Chop in into manageable bites.

At the same time I would roast cauliflower (cut into same sized florets) toss them in olive oil with garlic powder, cumin, turmeric and salt. (Cumin, turmeric are known to help reflux symptoms) 450 degrees, about 25-30 mins

Then I would take a half a cup to a cup of quinoa put the broccoli, cauliflower and mix it all together. Heat in microwave if necessary (if you cook in bulk at the beginning of the week and live off leftovers like I do.)

Then add half an avocado diced.

Toss with sesame oil and spritz with Braggs liquid aminos and boom! Delicious Buddha bowl, very easy on the stomach. You can also add spinach, zucchini, or roasted bell pepper if you so desire. All of those are good for reducing stomach acid!

2. Apple/cranberry Snack

If you are feeling heartburn or indigestion, cut up an apple (I prefer pink lady or jazz apples personally for their crunch), cut up into cubes. Then add some dried cranberries (known to help reduce reflux symptoms). Sprinkle some cinnamon and cardamom on top and—voila! A delicious healthy snack reminiscent of apple pie, that is full of fiber and acid reducing properties. Easy, quick and totally yummy!

3. Parfait

I like to use siggi’s yogurt, if you are from outside the US, look for Icelandic style yogurt. Add granola (less sugar the better, I prefer Nana Joe’s here in SF), add blueberries or raspberries.

4. Egg white avocado toast with zataar

I use Tartine bread, but any whole grain bread will do. Toast the bread, make an egg white omelette (egg whites from two eggs in small pan) with salt and pepper, I like to use sesame oil to cook it in a cast iron pan. Put the egg white on top of the toast with avocado thinly sliced and fanned out. Sprinkle some rock salt and zataar on top. Lightly drizzle with olive oil and—Ta Dah! Delicious healthy breakfast that won’t hurt your tummy.

5. Roasted squash with coconut oil

Roast squash at 400 degrees for 30 mins to an hour after tossing with coconut oil, cinnamon and a little nutmeg—tastes just like buttery delicious pumpkin pie with a twist—but healthy!

These have been my daily go-to’s. Also I am vegetarian and very physically active (yoga 30 mins, and running 45 mins everyday plus long walks usually), my crux is that I like to party on weekends. I enjoy craft cocktails, smoking weed, among other substances, and occasionally cigarettes accompany that. This is where my trouble started.

In my 20s I could eat anything, do a pile of drugs, drink an ungodly amount, and nothing would happen to me. Now my nervous system is very delicate, and my body doesn’t recover like it used to. I abused my body far too much as a young adult, and even though I’m only 31, I recognize the importance of taking care of your vessel. I quit smoking years ago, but whenever I do recreational drugs on occasion—I end up smoking. Smoking is a huge cause for acid reflux, as is drinking. So I had to make some huge adjustments to my diet and lifestyle.

Let me just say though—you can enjoy being healthy. You can enjoy putting things in your body that make you feel good, and you can find fun ways to dress up seemingly boring foods to taste amazing! All while staying healthy.

[hateswifi]

Rising from the Ashes: Of Nicknames and Luck

So this is Part Five here is to my Master List and Part Four. Enjoy!! I just felt like... hey why not post two today? So that’s what I did, I hope you enjoy these shenanigans.

---------------------------------

Back with Marinette now in her hotel room, she decides to unpack a bit and look for an apartment offer online using the hand-me-down laptop Chloe had given her. 

After about an hour, she decides to take a break from apartment hunting and go to the grocery store even though she couldn’t exactly cook anything from her hotel room. She could at least make some good sandwiches.

When she got to the grocery store and after she had collected everything she needed which included: bread, peanut butter, jelly, chicken, lettuce, tomato, and some chips she hadn’t heard of before. The cashier looked her up and down then asked. “Are you the Ice Prince's girlfriend?”

“I’m no one's girlfriend. You must be confusing me with someone else,” she said as she paid then left. On her walk home she heard a bing: someone said they would meet with her about renting an apartment. The person was the manager of a building owned by Wayne Enterprises. They said she would like to meet Marinette at one o'clock: two hours from now. She decided on a salad for lunch because she had something so sugary for breakfast. She still wanted to keep a somewhat healthy diet.

She sits down and decides to check out what Diana recommended last night. She Googles ‘Gotham's Heroes' results immediately came up with Batman, Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin, and lastly a traffic light looking boy named, Robin. Seriously, who designed that outfit? If she ever met him she would have some words with him. She sighed while checking the time: twelve-thirty. She grabbed her stuff and left quickly.

“Hello my name is Marinette, I’m here to talk with,” she pauses, looking at her phone. “a Ms. Simms.”

“I’ll call her,” the receptionist said reaching then dialing on the phone. “Hello, Ms. Simms your one o’clock is here, Miss Marinette? Of course.” She hangs up then stands. “Please follow me.” They walk quietly into an office. She knocks on the door. 

“Enter,” a voice says from inside. “Hello, Marinette. My name is Sarah Simms. Please come take a seat.”

“So I recently moved here and need an apartment. I already have a way to pay for it, I got a job on Monday,” Marinette said, sitting across from Sarah. 

“Well want to visit the apartment?” Sarah asked, standing. 

“That would be lovely,” Marinette says, following. 

“So the last tenant left their stuff here which includes a fridge-freezer combo, a table, a couple of chairs, a couch, and two beds, one queen and one twin. They also left a smaller television,” she finishes, opening the door. The apartment was on the third floor with a decent view. “The rent would be six hundred a month and you would need to sign a year contract with a down payment of a hundred today.”

“This sounds almost too good to be true!” Marinette smiles after she finishes looking around the apartment she says. “Where can I sign?”

“Let’s head to my office and I’ll print the papers,” Sarah said, smiling as they left the apartment. 

After the papers were signed and money was paid, Marinette left for the hotel grabbed her stuff and checked out. She smiles for the first time in quite a while she was happy and proud of herself. 

She heard ringing as she dropped her stuff: it was Chloe. She immediately picked up. “Hey, Mar, how’s the second day of your new life,” Chloe asked, her voice crackling over the line a bit. 

“It has been pretty good. I got up early and went to a park close to the hotel I was staying at. This dog tackled me and the dog’s owner felt bad, so he took me to breakfast. His name is Damian, I really hope to see him again… crap he ran off before I could get his number,” she pauses falling on the couch. 

“Sounds like someone has a crush?” Chloe asks, Marinette can hear Chloe’s smirk through the phone. 

“I only met him once. After that, I went grocery shopping. Also, I got an apartment! Most of it is already furnished all I have to buy some basic things like pots, pans, plates, utensils, towels, and you know little things like that,” Marinette explained. 

“That’s great Mar. I’m so happy for you!” Chloe said.

“How was your day going?” Marinette asked. 

“I miss you a lot and life is quite boring without you. Lila was talking crap about you again,” Chloe answered. 

“I don’t even care at this point, as long as we know the truth. She doesn’t affect me anymore,” Marinette explained. 

“I know it just makes me angry knowing that her lies are so terrible,” Chloe sighed. 

“I know I’m sorry I’m not there, but I couldn’t stay in Paris. There is too much trauma and no family left for me,” Marinette explained. 

“Marinette I’m family. Luka, Adrien, and Kagami. We’re all your family! We all love and miss you!” Chloe exclaimed angrily, then hung up. 

Marinette sighed and plopped on the couch then turned on the small tv that was just across from her. It was some celebrity news so she changed it and watched an English cartoon instead as she checked her Twitter feed, which is still based on Paris. Chat had given the announcement of her leaving Paris, along with an announcement of no longer endorsing the Ladyblog after a post of Lila being love rivals with Ryuko for Viperon. Chat also announced that the rest of the team would continue with patrols. 

She hung out for the rest of the day making a list of things she needs to get. She would go to buy things after work tomorrow. She made herself a chicken, lettuce, and tomato sandwich. She then went to bed early so she could be on time for work which starts at seven.

When she woke up to her blaring alarm at six-twenty she put on a pink long-sleeved sweater, which she tucked into a black high waisted shirt with a belt. She paired her outfit with kitty black heels. She also put her hair up in princess bun. 

She rushed to work and arrived on time. She greets Diana and put her purse in the back. 

“Marinette in a little bit there will higher class customers in need of suits. I would appreciate it if you would measure them. They are as I said celebrities and like their privacy, please respect that,” Diana explains. Not long after Diana finished speaking a group of people walked in four of them to be exact. 

“Welcome, Bruce, Dick, Jason, and Tim. Damian is not with you?” Diana asks as they entered the store.

“No, he had a class this morning,” Bruce informed Diana of the changed plans.

“But it is to my understanding that he also needed a suit,” Daina states. 

“That is true, I was wondering if I could call in a favor,” he asks.

“Well, I can’t because I’m leaving to visit my family, but I’m sure I could ask my new employee, Marinette, to go take his measurements,” Diana said, looking for Marinette.

“I’m right here, Diana,” she says, exiting the back room. “I was grabbing the measuring tape, a notebook, and a pencil.”

“Oh my god! You’re Demon Spawn’s girlfriend!” Dick yells, running up to her.

“I’m no one's girlfriend,” Marinette says back then mutters in Mandarin. “Why does everyone keep asking that.”

Jason hears what she says and responds in Mandarin. “Because people saw you out--”. Dick elbowed him before he could finish not wanting to blow Damian’s secret. “We mistook you for someone else.”

“What was that for!” Jason exclaims. 

“I’ll tell you later,” Dick mutters.

“Ok so now that's over, please take the boys to the back to take their measurements,” Diana said, pointing the boys to follow her. In the back, Dick stood on a platform so Marinette could measure him.

“So Marinette,” Dick started being cut off. 

“I am pretty sure Diana didn’t say my name. How do you know me?” Marinette paused her measuring of Dick. “Would you be able to step down? I have to measure your shoulder blades.”

“I heard Diana say it,” Dick says as he stepped down. He felt her feather-light touch dance across his back as she measured him. She then stepped in front of him measuring his chest then arms. 

“How old are you and how long have you been working here?” Tim asks, staring at the petite girl while she works. 

“Ummm… today is my first day working here, but I am experienced in the fashion world. I don't want to talk about my past work because this is my new beginning and I turned eighteen about two months ago,” Marinette said, measuring her legs.

“We’re all about new beginnings, that's why Bruce adopted us,” Jason chimed in.

“They’re not pretentious like how I thought Americans would act,” Marinette mutters in French. 

“Thanks, but we’re not like most Americans,” Dick responds, looking down at the now flustered girl.

“I’m sorry to assume. In Paris, most Americans are shown as fools or snobs. I’ve only met a couple before today. How many languages do you all speak?” Marinette asked, working faster while keeping her head down.

“We all speak, English, French, Mandarin, Spanish, and Italian, but our youngest brother also speaks Slavonic and Arabic,” Tim explained.

“Ok, you’re all down Ummm… I’m sorry I never caught your names,” She speaks softly while backing up to give Dick room.

“You don't know us?” Dick asked shocked.

“Diana said you guys were celebrities, but I don’t pay attention to famous people unless they’re from the fashion industry and I haven’t exactly caught up on American celebrities yet,” Marinette explained.

“Well I’m Jason Todd-Wayne, this is my younger brother Tim Drake-Wayne, and my oldest brother Dick Grayson-Wayne,” Jason said, pointing at each of them as he talked.

“Ok, which one of you wants to go next,” Marinette asked, looking between the younger two of the trio.

“He’ll go next,” Jason said, pushing Tim forward.

“So you said you’ve only met a couple of people we know a bunch of people would you be able to tell us who you met?” Tim asked.

“The first person I met Diana she is quite nice, I don’t know much about her though. The second person I met was a guy named Damian. His dog, Titus, tackled me, so I guess he felt bad, we met at the park across from where I was staying. He wanted to make it up to me by breakfast, which was so delicious. I had waffles!  I met my landlord, Sarah Simms, she seems a bit distant, but I barely know her. Then I met you guys, your dad seems cold, but you guys are quite nice,” Marinette explains as she finishes up with Tim. 

“Are you and Damian friends now? You sound quite fond of him,” Jason asks as he takes Tim’s place. 

“He ran off to take a call or something as I was going to ask for his number, it’s truly a shame he was nice,” Marinette says then blushes and looks down. “And he was handsome not going to lie.”

“Aww someone has a crush?” Dick asks. 

“I’ve only met him once, but if I ever met him again I would ask him out, he was so nice, so kind,” Marinette sighs, looking lost in thought. 

“Are we sure she’s talking about the same person?” Tim asks in Italian. “She looks smitten by him.”

“We have to get them together! She would be so good for him,” Dick answers in Italian. 

“Guys I’m pretty sure Damian doesn’t want us to interfere,” Jason responds, holding out his arms for her to measure. 

“I’m all done. I’ll go call Diana to see what she wants me to do with the measurements,” Marinette says as she gets up and leaves. 

“She’s perfect for him. Think he hasn’t dated or been open with anyone before maybe she could be a first,” Tim says still in Italian. “Also she’s adorable!”

“You guys decided to talk in Italian while she was working? She thought that you guys don’t like her and we’re going to have her be fired, but she may have been overthinking,” Bruce said, entering the measuring room. 

“Damian was nice to that girl. She likes him. He likes her!” Dick exclaims, standing up.  

“Well it’s a good thing she’s coming over tomorrow to take Damian’s measurements,” Bruce smirked. 

“She is, what time?” Jason asked. 

“You’re not to disturb them. If there’s a girl out there he won’t send off or a girl who won’t run to the hills, we have to at least try to set them up,” Bruce said. 

After Marinette left the boys she went to give the measurements to Diana. 

“Here you go,” Marinette said, cheerfully. 

“Thank you. Also tomorrow there’s one more boy’s measurement to do. Bruce said he would pay extra if you go to the manor after the boutique's closing. Would you be able to take the boy’s measurements?” Diana asks taking the notepad. 

“That will be easy, but would you be able to tell me the address?” Marinette asked, pulling out her phone ready to type the address. 

“Bruce said he would send a car,” Diana informed Marinette. “May I have your address to give to him for his driver?”

“Yes, I live in Wayne Apartments, which is ironic because you know they’re the Waynes,” Marinette said, laughing. 

“That’s so funny!” Dick said, pointing at Bruce. “You’re friends with us, the Waynes, and you live in a building he owns.”

“To be fair I’ve only been in America for three days and I already have a job and an apartment. I think that’s pretty good,” Marinette says, crossing her arms. 

“I would also say pretty lucky, Spot,” Diana says as Marinette blushes. 

"Bye Sunshine!" Dick calls as he goes to open the door.

“Thank you, guys! I guess I’ll see you tomorrow!” She waves to them as they leave. The rest of the day went by pretty smoothly, she designed a bit while there weren't any customers in the store. 

Diana closes her shop around seven o’clock, her business is thriving. She goes home eats some food then grabs her money to buy the stuff on the list she made earlier. She left quickly and went to the closest store. She finished shopping and when she got home put the stuff away. She then took a shower and went to bed.

------------------------------------------

Tag list (Open):

@northernbluetongue @melhuney @ladysblackcat @sturchling @otaku4312 @g-arya @smolplantmum @bluefyoto94 @echpr @moonlightstar64 @thesunanditsangel @cutechip @heaven428 @elmokingkong @kass-is-weird @niza13149 @urbanpineapplefarmer @ginamarie1512 @chocolatecatstheron @crazylittlemunchkin 

[whumpupthejam]

He’s Out There

//tw: kidnapping, home invasion, stalking

Marcus’s hands are still shaking. They need to stop shaking. He can’t get the key to fit into the lock of his apartment door. Damn it, that’s the wrong key. What’s wrong with him? The jingling of metal is too loud in the otherwise silent night as he attempts to find the right one.

Not being able to stop himself as his panic rises, he looks back at the parking lot, eyes scanning the rows of vehicles belonging to his neighbors. Every shadow seems to deepen and darken as his eyes dart back and forth. They catch movement and his breath hitches, but it’s only Mrs. Allret walking her chihuahua, Diane. Nothing strange. Nothing unexpected for a Thursday night. But he can feel the eyes on him, same as he had in the grocery store. His flesh hasn’t stopped crawling since he first noticed the man staring at him from the end of the bread aisle. Everywhere he went in the store, the man’s dark eyes had followed. Is it stupid to think that the man might’ve followed him home? Somehow, Marcus is certain that he did—that he’s still watching him right now from some shadowed place that he can’t see.

“Fuck, fuck!” Marcus growls when he drops his keys. He hasn’t been standing in front of his door for more than twenty seconds, but it feels like twenty minutes, grocery bags weighing heavily on his wrists. Crouching as best he can, he grabs the keys and finally unlocks the door, still in that position. He half-crawls through the door, kicking it shut behind him. The groceries remain on the floor as he spins around to re-lock the door as quickly as possible.

He stays there for a moment, kneeling just inside, panting. As he slaps himself lightly on the cheek to pull himself out of it, he chuckles. This whole reaction was enormously stupid. Sure, that guy at the store was a freaking creep, but why would he follow Marcus home? And anyway, even if he did, it would be pointless. Marcus has nothing worth stealing. His apartment is modest at best, and he doesn’t even have enough furniture to fill it—he doesn’t even have a couch! He’s a college dropout. He eats 99¢ noodles for almost every meal. The only reason he was able to go on a more substantial shopping trip tonight was that his cousin finally paid him for when he dog-sat for her three weeks ago.

No, the only thing worth stealing might be his TV, or his laptop. His TV, the man can have if he wants it. It’s old and the audio stopped working last week. The laptop isn’t in too bad of shape, but it’s hardly something that Marcus thinks would make him the target of theft. There are plenty of other people in his complex with much more to offer than he does.

And if the man doesn’t want to steal from him, then he hardly knows what other reason he would have to follow him home. He doesn’t have any enemies. He doesn’t think he owes anyone any money other than Caleb, and his best friend is hardly going to put out a hit on him for thirty bucks.

It’s completely stupid to be so scared of some guy who was probably just acting weird ‘cause he was high or something. He didn’t follow Marcus home. He would’ve had no reason to. Even so, as Marcus stands up and grabs the dropped bags from the floor, the prickly feeling in his stomach doesn’t go away.

He turns on some music as he puts away his food, and sings along, hoping it will put him at ease. It does. He almost forgets about the man from the store until he sees someone cross quickly in front of his living room window. It’s just a flash of movement out of the corner of his eye, but it was unmistakably a person. The blinds are drawn up like they always are. His building backs up to the woods, so there’s no reason anyone should be back there, especially at this time of night. He never feels the need to have the blinds down. Until now, that is.

He takes a shaky breath and turns to finish putting away his groceries. Maybe it was a late-night jogger after all—he doesn’t know that it’s a crazy man. As he puts the last item—a carton of eggs—in the fridge, there is a moment of silence as one song ends and another has not yet begun. Marcus can hear the sound of something moving in the bushes outside the window.

“Fuck,” he says, barely above a whisper.

He quickly shuts off the music and walks tentatively up to the glass. Nothing can be seen in the blackness except for the small bushes beneath the window, and the wall of trees a little ways off in front of him. He can’t get a very good view of the surrounding areas from behind the glass. Briefly, he wonders if he should step out onto the back porch, but quickly decides that that would be the most idiotic thing he could possibly do. Marcus is about to turn back to the kitchen when he notices something that makes his heart stop.

Just to the right of his window, obscured in shadow and almost hidden by the bushes, is the obvious shape of a person crouching down, watching him. He stumbles back as if he’s been shot in the chest, scrambling across the floor to hide behind the kitchen island. The shaking is back, and he can’t catch his breath. His heart is beating painfully against the inside of his chest.

He’s out there.

He doesn’t have to see the person clearly to know it’s him. He just knows.

With fingers that almost appear to be in spasm, he grabs his phone and begins typing out a message to his friend Jake, who happens to live in his building on the second floor.

>are ypy home?

>*you

Usually, Jake is pretty good about responding if he’s available, but two minutes pass and the message is still unread. Marcus presses the ‘call’ icon and puts the phone to his ear. It rings. It keeps ringing.

“Your call has been forwarde—” Marcus doesn’t let the robotic voice finish.

He tries again.

“Your call—”

He lets out a sound that’s somewhere between a whimper and a groan of frustration.

>pls man, tgeres someone outside

>you can call me a pussy I dont care. i’m scared.

>I think he followsd me home

He knows he’s making typos, but his hands are shaking so badly that he can’t do anything about it. Another couple of minutes passes. Marcus can’t bring himself to look around the corner of the island. He just sits with his back pressed against it, staring at his reflection in the oven door. He looks pathetic.

He almost jumps out of his skin when his phone buzzes. It’s Jake.

<Sorry, bud. out with Kass and her friends. pretty wasted. won’t be home tonight.

What? That’s it?

He presses the ‘call’ icon again. It rings.

“Hello?” Jake sounds mildly pissed as he answers. He also, admittedly, does sound wasted. Marcus can hear it in his voice.

“Jake, I’m sorry, but I’m telling you, some guy followed me home from the store, and I think he’s watching me through my window right now.”

“So? Close the window.”

“Jake!”

“Sorry. Sure you’re not seeing things, Marc? Hell, I see things all the time,” Jake slurs, chuckling slightly.

Marcus shakes his head in aggravation. “Dude, stop being an ass, you know I don’t make a big deal about this stuff.” He can’t keep his voice from wobbling. “Please, Jake, help me.”

The line is silent for a minute. “Sorry, Marc. I can tell you’re actually scared, and I’m being a dick. I wish I could help you out right now, but I’m across town and I can’t drive.”

Marcus squeezes his eyes shut. He’s out there right now. He keeps thinking. He’s out there.

“Have you called the police?” Jake asks when Marcus doesn’t respond.

“No.”

“I think you should. Hang up with me and call them right now.” Jake sounds so levelheaded when he says that. Almost like he’s not drunk at all.

“Ok, I will.” Marcus rubs his eyes.

“Call me or text me after you do.”

“I—” Marcus is cut off by a sound from the bedroom. He is frozen as he strains his ears.

It sounds... it sounds like a window sliding open.

Shit, shit, shit, fuck. He opened that window earlier. Did he forget to lock it when he closed it?

Marcus can’t move. He can’t breathe. His eyes are wide, his body trembling.

There are footsteps, causing the hardwood to creak.

He’s inside.

“Marc? Y’ok? Marc?” Jake’s voice on the phone sounds like it’s coming from miles away.

It’s strange, Marcus thinks, to hear someone moving around in the apartment so carefreely, as if they’re supposed to be there. When they’re not.

What should he do? Should he try to sneak away? Should he stand up and confront him—tell him to get the fuck out? Should he just wait to be found? What will happen? What does the man want?

Marcus hears the man enter the living room and he holds his breath. Jake is still trying to talk to him on the phone. He hangs up. There’s silence for a second. The man must just be standing in the middle of the room. Doing what? Looking for him? Listening?

A shiver runs downs Marcus’s already trembling spine and he shifts unintentionally. The wood creaks softly. Apparently that was what the man was waiting for. His footsteps are quick and loud as he crosses the distance to the kitchen island. Marcus doesn’t have time to think before his leg is yanked, his body forcefully dragged out from behind the counter so that he’s on his back staring up at his attacker, who straddles his hips in a flash.

Marcus has always felt too small, too weak. Even when he finally reached a height in high school that was declared by his doctor to be “completely average,” he never felt like his body mass was anywhere near proportional. His recent diet hasn’t helped matters.

This makes it nearly impossible for him to fight back against this man, who seems to be about 250 pounds of pure muscle, and who is painfully crushing his hips under his body. That doesn’t stop him from trying, though. He pushes with all his strength against the man’s arms which are trying to come down to his face. He doesn’t know what the man is trying to do, he just knows that he can’t let him do it. They struggle for a moment before the man gets a good grip on Marcus’s wrists, and holds them out of the way long enough to deliver a shocking blow to Marcus’s face with the back of his hand. The boy’s head snaps to the side with the force of it. It dazes him.

Marcus blinks, groaning softly as a cloth is pressed over his nose and mouth. The last thing he’s aware of is a sweet scent that at once feels both familiar and foreign. It’s something like a mix between chlorine and red wine, he thinks. His eyes grow too heavy, and he falls asleep.

~~~~~

Shit, Marcus thinks as he wakes up, I shouldn’t have drunk so much last night.

His head is killing him, and he can’t even remember the details of the previous evening, so he knows it must have been wild. Jake must’ve convinced him to come out.

Wait.

He did talk to Jake last night, but it was on the phone, wasn’t it? He called him about something.

Marcus rubs his eyes and finally opens them. Then it all hits him. The store. The man. The window. The phone call. The struggle.

Panic sets in as he realizes that he is not in his room. He is not in his bed as he had assumed when he first woke up. As he squints in the dark, he can see that the room he is in is rather small and made up entirely of concrete, with only a single metallic door on the far wall. The “bed” he is on is nothing more than a dirty mattress. His hands are shackled to a chain, which tethers him to the wall and gives him almost no slack to be able to move.

He’s trapped. The man took him. Why? What the fuck is happening?

The door opens suddenly and the shock of the light sends daggers into his eyes. He shields them as best he can in his shoulder.

When he is finally able to squint back at the person who just entered, he realizes that it’s him. The man is tall and buff, and he has his arms crossed over his chest. Marcus can really only see his silhouette, and it bothers him that he can’t see his face. He can’t see those dark eyes, can’t see what they’re intending.

“It’s so nice to see you awake,” The man says. His voice is low, but not quite as low as Marcus had expected. “Does your head hurt?”

After a moment of hesitation, Marcus nods uncertainly. As his eyes adjust to the light, he sees the man smile, nodding his head as well. It disconcerts Marcus and he shifts slightly on the mattress.

“You did very well, much better than I was expecting,” The man says as he walks forward casually. He notices the look of confusion on Marcus’s face and smiles again. “Last night. Yes, you struggled a bit, but I enjoyed that. It was just enough to be exciting. And you calmed right down when I hit you.” The man crouches down in front of Marcus, and reaches out to press on the bruise caused by his hand the night before.

Marcus twists, pulling his face away as much as possible. “You drugged me!” he defends. It made his stomach twist to hear the man say that he “calmed right down,” as if it was a conscious decision.

The man ignores his statement, his dark eyes studying the boy’s face intently. “Did your father used to hit you?” He suddenly asks.

Marcus’s eyebrows furrow. The man just chuckles.

“I think you are going to be one of my most entertaining projects yet,” he muses, standing up.

“Projects?” Marcus is disturbed by the word. The man looks at him for a moment, smiling slightly, but he says nothing. It becomes too much. “What do you want from me? Why did you do this?” Marcus bursts. “Money? I have none. Neither does my family, if that’s what you’re hoping. You saw my apartment, I have nothing. I think you must have the wrong person.” he surprises himself with how much he’s able to get out before he becomes too nervous again.

He is surprised further by the man letting out a hearty laugh. “Yes, I suppose I do have the wrong person, in a way. And yet, in another way, I don’t.” Marcus must look confused again. “Ah, well, I suppose before this really gets started I can give you some answers. It’ll be better, really. This did, in fact, start out being about money. You see, an acquaintance of mine is also an acquaintance of a friend of yours, Jacob Settler. He lives in your building.”

Marcus’s eyes go wide. Jake? What does he have to do with this?

“Your friend Jacob owes my acquaintance quite a bit of money. I’m blurry on the details, but it seems he borrowed money for surgery for his sister, or something of that nature.”

Jake did tell him about having a sister who had been sick, but Marcus thought that was years ago.

“Well, the arrangement was that dear Jacob would pay my acquaintance back with interest. No documents were signed, of course. My acquaintance... well, let’s just say not everything he does is above table. Obviously.” On that word, he grins widely. It makes Marcus uncomfortable again.

“When the time came for Jacob to pay up, he was nowhere to be found. He’d skipped town, and his family had gone as well. Well, as you can imagine, this made my acquaintance very distressed. He had trusted Jacob, he had been nothing but gracious to him, and what did he get in return? He got stabbed in the back. So, he contacted me. You see, I am a man of many hats, but my primary occupation is that for a reasonable fee, I will track down those who have stabbed my clients in the back and... well... stab them back,” he chuckles. “If at all possible, I get the payment my clients are due, and if not, I send a message that will not be easily forgotten.” He pauses, again simply staring at Marcus.

“I don’t understand,” Marcus finally says. “What does this have to do with me?”

The corners of the man’s lips quirk. “Absolutely nothing. I tracked down your friend easily, he is not really very skilled in the art of evasion. I’m surprised my acquaintance couldn’t find him on his own, but that’s neither here nor there. I haven’t followed through with my task quite yet because as I began to observe Jacob, I encountered something unexpected that I wanted to be able to take my time with. You.” A sickening chill settles in Marcus’s stomach as the man speaks. “Something you should know about me is that I tend to focus too much on my work. I told you I have many different hats, and that tends to mean that I am always working on something, pouring my all into it, and absolutely draining myself. I enjoy my work, but it does take a toll. There is one thing that I do that is totally for myself. A sort of hobby. A release, if you will. That is my projects. I don’t recall when I first realized my fascination with pushing creatures to their physical and emotional limits, nor my knack for it. It absolutely thrills me. There is always something new to be learned from each person and creature I study, because each one is so different. You are different, Marcus. You mystify me. On the outside, forgive me, you look very unassuming. Very sweet. You’re weaker than most young men your age, and you know it. Physically, it shouldn’t be too difficult for me to break you. But inside you have this drive—this passion to fight for a better life for yourself, not according to other people’s standards, but your own. It’s why you dropped out of school last year. Not because you were too lazy or too stupid. You were doing very well. It was because you decided that it wasn’t what you wanted. It wasn’t what would make your life the best that you thought it could be.”

Marcus is openly shocked. His eyes are wide, shining with an excess of moisture. His lips are slightly parted. This man is absolutely horrifying. And he knows absolutely everything about Marcus.

“I’ve been observing you for quite some time, Marcus. I’ve seen how you interact with the world around you. You never seem to be truly phased by any stumbling blocks in your path. What you lack in physical strength, you make up for in strength of spirit. Others come to you for support and guidance, and you readily give it, never seeming to waiver.” He crouches down in front of Marcus and reaches out to him again, taking the boy’s face between his hands almost tenderly. This time, Marcus is too shocked to move away. When the man speaks again, it is almost a whisper. “It’s important that you know that there is absolutely nothing that can stop what is about to happen to you. I’m going to see just how long it takes for you to be totally destroyed, to become totally malleable in my hands. And I really think I’m going to enjoy it.”

[thomothysdoodles]

1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 14, 17, 18, 20, 23, 26, 17, 28, 31, 32, 35, 37, 38, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67,, 68, 69, 70, 71, 73, 74, 75, 85, 86, 87, 88, 90, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 98

I am so sorry, I literally have no idea what came over me

Wow Lulu you really said ‘let’s ask this bitch EVERYTHING’. I love it tho lmao. Since it’s long imma put it under the cut tho

4. How did your elementary school teachers describe you?

“A pleasure to have in class, a bit lost in their mind, if they committed and focused more they’d excell but they settle for good grades”

From elementary to high school lol

5. Do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

I like soda cans

6. Pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

Somewhere between tomboy and grunge I think

8. Movies or tv shows?

Tv shows

9. Favorite smell in the summer?

Sunscreen and freshly baked bread

11. What do you have for breakfast on an average day?

A cup of milk with some cereal or biscuits. For the past month I’ve been following the keto diet tho, and I usually are some ricotta with peanut butter for breakfast

12. Name of your favorite playlist?

“Sad but vibing” lol

14. Favorite non chocolate candy?

Strawberry lollipops

17. Most frequently worn pair of shoes?

A black vans pair, I bought em in August but the left one already got a hole on the front 😤

18. Ideal weather?

Cloudy but not too windy or cold. I just don’t like the sunlight in my face

20. Preferred place to write?

On my phone’s notes app lol, I’ve got almost two thousand notes in here

23. Strange habits?

I hide stuff in my room with no apparent reason. I’ve got money stashed around my room in four different points lol

26. Favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Given the chance, I like to race with my bike to get some refreshing wind

27. Favorite activity to do in cold weather?

Cozy up in a blanket and watch some tv

28. Five songs to describe you.

Karma— AJR

Ultimately— Khai Dreams

Putting a spin on Slow Dancing in the Dark— egg

Mars— YungBlud

Gotta be a Reason— Alec Benjamin

31. What outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

Black jeans, black sturdy boots, and a silly little hoodie lmao

32. Top five favorite vines?

‘DONT FUCK WITH ME, IVE GOT THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON MY SIDE— AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA’

‘Let me see what you have!’ ‘A KNIFE!’ ‘NO!!!’

‘Hey bro, what do you wanna eat?’ (‘The souuuls of my enemies’) ‘A bagel’ (‘NOOO’) ‘..two bagels.’

FR E SH A VOCA DO

‘Two shots of vodka..’ *pours half a bottle of vodka*

35. Average time you fall asleep?

I am terrible at this. I love sleeping but I also love feeling ✨ unbothered ✨ doing whatever I want in the middle of the night. So, never before 3am usually

37. Suitcase or duffel bag?

Suitcase

38. Lemonade or tea?

Tea

40. Weirdest thing to happen at your school?

I dunno how weird it is, but I always found peculiar that there were cigarette butts on the ceiling of the bathrooms. Like, seven feet tall ceilings. How did those cigs get there??

41. Last person you texted?

My best friend to tell her that my sister found a way to let me watch supernatural on American Netflix >:3c

42. Jacket pockets or pant pockets?

Jacket pockets

43. Hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

Hoodie and/or jean jacket

44. Favorite scent for soap?

I dunno. Talcum powder I think

45. Which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

Superhero

46. Most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

Tee and boxers. Sometimes socks too

48. If you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

Umh. Clementines maybe. Easy to peel, sweet but also not, sometimes with seeds.. and some people loathe the little white stripes they have and they spend hours peeling those away

49. What saying or quote do you live by?

“Like any / unloved thing, I don’t know if I’m real /when I’m not being touched.” —Natalie Wee

50. What made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

My best friends always make me wheeze, it can be the stupidest dumbest thing ever, I’m really fucking easy to amuse lol

51. current stresses?

My driver license my driver license my driver license my driver license my driver license my d

52. Favorite font?

I have no idea. This one? Lol

53. What is the current state of your hands?

Good. I just cut my nails, I really wanna put some nail polish but my dad comes back home tomorrow and he always looks me weird when I put it

55. Favorite fairy tail?

The little mermaid

56. Favorite tradition?

A tradition I have with my friends is that when we celebrate someone’s birthday, we go to the thrift shop and buy them stupid stuff to wear or put on. On my birthday a couple days ago I had to wear playboy bunny ears and a black glittery bow tie lol. Once I bought my best friend a tiny pirate hat, and for another my friend took a boa with pink feathers lol

57. The 3 biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

Mmmh

I’m having a hard time with my parents since I dropped out of uni but I think I’m starting to overcome it finally

When my parents were about to divorce and in was dreading the idea of moving from this city

That time in middle school I spent a couple weeks at the hospital to run a bunch of neurological tests

58. Four talents you’re proud having?

I’m pretty good at multitasking

It’s very difficult to enrage me (yes I consider it a talent)

I can juggle lol

I can read in moving cars/trains etc without getting sick :D

59. If you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

“What the f—“

61. Favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/ etc?

“Happiness isn't in the having. It's just in the being. It's in just saying it.” Aka Castiel’s love confession (OF COURSE I WAS GONNA SAY SOMETHING DESTIEL RELATED)

62. Seven characters you relate to?

No specific order:

Dean Winchester

Eric Derekson

Jake Peralta

Doug Eiffel (👀)

Tony Stark

Klaus Hargreeves

Diego Hargreeves

63. Five songs that would play in your club?

Anything from P!ATD

Bang!— AJR

Natural— Imagine Dragons

Anything from Set It Off

Maniac— Conan Gray

64. Favorite website from your childhood?

I didn’t use computers in my childhood lol

66. Favorite flower(s)?

Fresias 💕

67. Good luck charms?

I used to keep in my pocket a little hazelnut my dad gave me once telling me that it was a good luck charm. I took it away tho. I dunno, maybe my rings

68. Worst flavor of any food of drink you’ve ever tried?

I have to admit I never tasted it, but the smell of truffle literally makes me gag, so that

69. A fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

Apparently your love language is both the one you give AND want love, and also the one you most lacked growing up. So. Mull that over.

70. Left or right handed?

Rightie

71. Least favorite pattern?

Holey ones. Make my sight go double

74. At what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an Advil of ibuprofen?

A seven I guess. I usually try to sleep off anything I have, I hate to take medicines, and loathe to call the doctor lol

75. When did you lose your first tooth?

Around.. six I think?

85. Fairy tails or mythology?

Mythology forever

86. Cookies or cupcakes?

Cookies 🍪

87. Your greatest fear?

That the other shoe will drop and I’ll be alone and lonely

88. Your greatest wish?

To have enough stubbornness to do what I wish to do without getting demoralized so easily

90. Luckiest mistake?

Me and one of my best friends got to know each other through other common friends, and once they both couldn’t come and we ended up spending the day together. We had lots of fun, but we also got drunk and I lost my mcfreaking watch lmao

92. Lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

Lamps

94. Favorite season?

Winter ❄️

95. Favorite app on your phone?

Tumblr! (And the music one. And the podcasts one. And— jk lol)