#i dont know in depth history of the word

[just-gay-thoughts]

gay can u tell me why "qu33r" is considered a slur? I genuinely don't know the history and would like to educate myself and u seem like the perfect person to ask

In some places it's been used in a derogatory way, much like gay, lesbian, faggot, and many other words used to describe ourselves.

I won't tell anyone they have to personally identify as queer, but many have reclaimed it and what the 'queer is a slur' folks often ignore is that applies to many of the words used to describe ourselves. They don't have to use it but to come onto any post/discussion that uses the word queer and talk about it being a slur is ignoring the history of all the words we've used to describe ourselves.

[justice4gyeongsu]

━━━ 'CHAPTER NINE' [WHEN DAWN BREAKS]

SYNOPSIS ➢ music and forgiveness dont really go hand in hand as you'd expect.

PAIRING ➢ lee suhyeok x male!reader

AU ➢ enemies-to-lovers au!

CONTENT WARNING ➢ this chapter contains; flashbacks, near death experience, alot of angst, mentions of bullying, depression, some fluff, mentions of puking, reoccuring ptsd, exclusion, mentions of gore, blood, cannibalism [let me know if i missed any!]

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determination had fueled their attempt to break into the 'instrument room', but now, defeat settled in. daesu slumped against the unyielding door, his breath escaping in a frustrated sigh. "shit, it's no use." joonyeong's voice broke the silence, his stomach growling in protest. "i'm starving," he said, dropping into the chair beside daesu. the two groups sat in a face-off, a circle of chairs on either side of the room. namra positioned herself by the doors, ever vigilant, with suhyeok at her side. earlier, she had given him permission to intervene if necessary, but a reassuring word from you had eased her concerns. for now, everything was settling.

you crouched down, your eyes scanned the drawers beneath the chalkboard, searching for anything of value. your stomach growled, a gentle reminder of your hunger. you hoped to stumble upon something edible, but the first drawer revealed only a knotted mess of wires and extra outlet boxes. undeterred, you methodically explored each drawer, your fingers tracing the contours of the tangled cords, your mind focused on the task at hand. the silence was punctuated only by the soft creak of the drawers as you opened and closed them, your search fueled by a glimmer of hope.

suhyeok's gaze lingered on you, his eyes fixed from a short distance away. positioned strategically, he was close enough to offer assistance if needed, yet also within reach of namra, ready to intervene if the situation took a turn. his thoughts, however, drifted to a different time and place - the school hallways, where you had once been a fleeting presence, a whisper of a person, barely perceptible. your quiet nature had allowed you to blend into the shadows, your existence slowly fading from notice. but now, suhyeok's mind was consumed by the weight of a shared past, a dreadful day that had left an indelible mark. he couldn't help but wonder how he would ever find the courage to face you again, to reconcile the ghosts of your shared history.

as you took the smooth wires from the drawer, your gaze drifted to the right, drawn to namra's fixed stare on the door beside her. her intensity was noticeable, and you felt an inexplicable pang of unease. your eyes darted back to the wires, then returned to namra, your mind weighing a suggestion that instantly felt wrong. something about it seemed cruel, inhumane. sensing her awareness of your gaze, you quickly looked away, feeling a flush rise to your cheeks. instead, you tucked the wire into your pants pocket, thinking it might prove useful someday. the gesture was a distraction from the uncomfortable moment, a way to shift your focus away from the unspoken tension.

as you rummaged through the adjacent cupboard, a treasure trove of guitar picks and sheet music lay before you, a seemingly endless supply. suddenly, a presence materialized beside you, and you turned to find suhyeok squatting next to you, his arms crossed over his knees. his face was a mask of solemnity, his gaze piercing as he looked at you. for a moment, you locked eyes with him, drowning in the depths of his dark caramel irises. then, you broke away, your focus returning to the cupboard's contents as you continued to dig through the clutter, the silence between you thick with unspoken emotions.

suhyeok's eyes remained fixed on yours, his gaze burning with an unspoken desire to connect, to bridge the gap that had grown between you. he wanted to talk to you, to ask how you were, to know what you were thinking, but the words caught in his throat like dry leaves. his mind was a jumble of emotions, a tangled web of regret, concern, and longing. he shifted his weight, his eyes darting to the floor, then back to yours, searching for a spark, a hint of what to say. the silence stretched out, a canvas waiting to be filled with words, but suhyeok's brush remained poised, unsure of where to begin. he cleared his throat, a faint sound, a prelude to speech, but still, the words wouldn't come, frozen in his chest like winter's snow.

you pushed the cupboard door shut, the soft click echoing through the room, a punctuation mark to your fruitless search. standing up, you stretched your arms over your head, arching your back in a gentle stretch. as you turned to move on to the next cupboard, your path was blocked by suhyeok's crouched form. he remained frozen, his eyes still fixed on your prior form, his expression a mixture of longing and uncertainty. his position, though unintentional, was a physical manifestation of the emotional barrier between you. you hesitated, unsure of how to navigate this unexpected obstacle. suhyeok, sensing your pause, slowly rose to his feet, his movements slow but fluid. his eyes try to meet yours, his gaze a gentle plea for connection, for understanding. the air was thick with unspoken words, the silence, a breathing entity that pulsed with unease.

as suhyeok shifted out of the way, you continued your search, moving downwards to the next cupboard. the door creaked softly as you opened it, revealing a neatly stacked array of small boxes, each adorned with labels in precise handwriting. curiosity piqued, you began to remove the boxes one by one, placing them down beside you on either side, creating a small assembly line of mysterious containers. the labels read like an odd inventory: "winter songs", "forgotten songs", "popular melodies", and "drafts". the boxes themselves were brown, their lids closed with a tiny click. as you arranged them, the silence between you and suhyeok remained, but your focus on the task at hand created a sense of purpose, a distraction.

suhyeok squatted beside you once more, his movements quiet as he positioned himself closer than before. his eyes fixed on the boxes, and he began to pick them up one by one, examining their contents with an air of curiosity. you didn't acknowledge him, your focus still on the cupboard's depths, but you were aware of his proximity, his shoulder almost touching yours. as he delved into the boxes, a faint rustling sound filled the air, accompanied by the occasional soft whisper of surprise. meanwhile, your hand closed around something unexpected in the back of the drawer - a hammer, its handle worn, its head heavy with use. you pulled it out, the tool feeling solid in your grasp, a contrast to the delicate boxes and their mysterious contents. suhyeok's gaze remained fixed on the box in his hands, but you sensed his awareness of the hammer, his attention piqued by the unexpected discovery.

suhyeok's fingers unfolded the paper he found in the box labeled ‘drafts’, his eyes scanning the contents with a mix of curiosity and reverence. as he read, his expression transformed, a softness creeping into his features. the paper was a letter, but not just any letter - it was a song, the words dancing across the page in a harmony of apology and longing. music notes were scribbled in the margins, a melancholic melody that seemed to match the rhythm of suhyeok's heartbeat. his voice, barely above a whisper, began to recite the words, the lyrics pouring out like a gentle stream:

"in the silence, i hear your voice

a whispered sorrow, a heartfelt choice

to let go, to move on, to find

a way to heal, to leave the past behind"

as he read, the words seemed to take on a life of their own, filling the space between you with a sense of yearning. the apology was raw, honest, and beautiful, a poignant expression of regret and hope. suhyeok's eyes never left the paper, but you sensed his gaze reaching out to you, his heart speaking directly to yours. the hammer in your hand felt heavy, a tangible weight compared to the ethereal beauty of the song. the moment hung suspended, a delicate balance of emotions, as suhyeok's voice faded into the silence, leaving only the echoes of the apology.

you rose to your feet, your focus swiftly shifting away from suhyeok and the emotional intensity of the moment. the hammer, still clutched in your hand, seemed to grow heavier as you walked towards the desk, its surface a blur of wood and scattered papers. with a quiet thud, you placed the hammer down, the sound a punctuation mark to your deliberate dismissal of the tender moment. the desk's edge was cool beneath your fingertips, a stark contrast to the warmth of suhyeok's words, still lingering in the air like a gentle breeze. you didn't look back, your gaze fixed on some invisible point beyond the desk, as if willing yourself to move forward, to leave the vulnerability of the moment behind.

as you stood there, lost in thought, your gaze drifted upward, and you noticed jimin sitting in a corner of the room, her eyes fixed on a small video camera she had discovered. the camera's lens was pointed at her face, and she was speaking in a soft, introspective tone, as if sharing secrets with an old friend. her words were directed at the camera, but they seemed to be meant for whoever might find the video in the future. "to whoever is watching this," she began, her voice barely above a whisper, "i hope you're doing okay. i hope you're finding what you're looking for." she paused, collecting her thoughts before continuing. "i'm leaving this here in case...in case things don't work out. in case i'm not around to explain myself." her eyes dropped, her gaze falling to the floor as she struggled to find the right words. "i just want you to know that i tried. i tried to make things right, to fix what was broken." the camera captured every nuance of her expression, every tremble of her lip, as she spoke from the heart. you watched, transfixed, as jimin's words hung in the air, a message in a bottle, cast into the unknown.

jimin's eyes flashed with a hint of determination, her voice taking on a slightly harder edge as she continued speaking to the camera. "if you're watching this, and you're one of those who left us here...who abandoned us without looking back..." her words trailed off, as if she was collecting her thoughts, choosing them carefully. "i want you to know that i remember. we all remember. and i hope...i hope that someday, somehow, you'll face the consequences of what you did." her gaze seemed to bore into the lens, as if she could see the faces of those who had wronged her and the others. "punish them," she whispered, her voice dripping with a quiet intensity. "punish them for leaving us to rot in this place. punish them for not coming back for us." the camera captured the raw emotion on her face, the pain and the anger, as she spoke words that seemed to be torn from the very depths of her soul.

while jimin's words faded away, hroryeong gently took the video camera from her hand, her eyes filled with a deep sadness. she turned the camera towards herself, the lens focusing on her face as she began to speak in a soft, trembling voice. "mom...dad..." she whispered, as if the camera was a portal to the past, a way to reach the parents she had lost. "i'm sorry...i'm so sorry..." tears began to well up in her eyes, her voice cracking with emotion as she spoke to the camera as if it were her parents. "i remember the way you used to smile at me...the way you used to hold my hand. i remember everything." her gaze dropped, her eyes fixed on some point beyond the camera, lost in memories. "i wish you were here...i wish you could see me now. i wish you could tell me everything is going to be okay." the camera captured every tear, every quiver of her lip, as hroryeong poured out her heart to the absent parents, her words a poignant expression of love, loss, and longing.

you couldn't bear to watch anymore, the emotions raw and overwhelming. you turned away from the group, your gaze falling upon the last drawer, still unopened. your hand reached out, almost mechanically, and pulled it open. the contents were shrouded in darkness, a mystery waiting to be uncovered. as you peered into the drawer, the sounds of the group's confessions, their last words to the world, faded into the background. you felt a sense of detachment, as if you were observing yourself from afar, going through the motions. the drawer's interior revealed a blank empty cupboard. staring at it in defeat, you sigh and stand up with a small curse, “shit.”

you stood there, lost in thought, until suhyeok approached you once more, his footsteps quiet on the dusty floor. he stood beside you, his eyes fixed on the empty drawer, before turning to face you. his gaze was soft, his voice barely above a whisper, as he finally spoke to you. "i'm sorry," he said, his words simple, yet profound. "i'm sorry for not being able to save you." his eyes searched yours, as if seeking forgiveness, understanding. the air between you seemed to vibrate with tension, the weight of unspoken emotions, as suhyeok's words hung in the balance, waiting for your response.

suhyeok's voice cut through the silence, his words a gentle plea. "i need you to understand," he said, his tone soft, yet urgent. "i know i made a mistake. i know i let you down." he took a step forward, his eyes locked on yours, searching for a glimmer of forgiveness. "i was scared, ...but that's no excuse." his voice cracked, a hint of emotion seeping through. you scoff, “you were scared, huh?” you look away. "i should have been stronger, i should have been there for you." he paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. "i know i can't undo what's been done...but i need you to know that i regret it. i regret not being able to protect you." his words hung in the air, a heartfelt confession, a desperate attempt to bridge the gap between you. the silence that followed was heavy with tension, as if the very fate of your relationship hung in the balance, waiting for your response.

you shook your head, a slow, deliberate motion, as if trying to clear the words from your mind. "stop," you said, your voice firm, but barely above a whisper. "just stop." you raised a hand, a clear gesture of dismissal, as if trying to physically push the words away. "i can't forgive you," you said, the words tumbling out, a harsh truth. "i don't know if i ever can." suhyeok's face fell, his eyes dropping to the floor, as if the weight of your words was crushing him. "look its..," he whispered, but you cut him off. "stop talking," you said, your voice rising, a hint of anger creeping in. "just stop. i don't want to hear it." the silence that followed was oppressive, a heavy blanket that suffocated the room, leaving only the echoes of your words, a stark reminder of the chasm between you.

as you and suhyeok stood there, locked in a tense moment, neither of you noticed namra staring by the doorway, watching you both with an intent gaze. she was a silent witness to the emotional exchange, her expression unreadable. you and suhyeok were too caught up in your own emotions to notice her looking there, frozen in silence.

onjo appeared beside you, her gentle smile a stark contrast to the tension that had filled the room just moments before. she held out the camcorder, its lens still warm from onjo’s earlier confession. "here," she said softly, her eyes locked on yours. "i think it's your turn." her voice was a gentle invitation, a nod to the unspoken understanding that each of you had a story to tell, a truth to reveal. the camcorder seemed to hover in mid-air, a symbol of the trust and vulnerability that had been shared among you. you felt a sense of trepidation, a hesitation to bare your soul, but onjo's gentle smile reassured you, encouraged you to take the next step. the camera seemed to wait, patiently, for your story, your truth.

you sat next to the open window, the warm sunlight spilling in, casting a gentle glow on the room. the camcorder felt heavy in your hands, its weight a reminder of the responsibility that came with sharing your truth. you fiddled with the camera, your mind racing with thoughts of what to say, or if you should say anything at all. the silence was oppressive, a physical presence that pressed upon your skin, making your heart feel heavy. you looked out the window, watching as the sunlight danced through the leaves of the trees, wondering if you had the courage to reveal your own story. the others had shared their truths, their confessions, their regrets...but could you do the same? the camera seemed to stare back at you, its lens a constant reminder that this was your moment, your chance to speak. but the words wouldn't come, and you were left sitting there, frozen in uncertainty.

you took a deep breath, your finger hovering over the record button. you glanced around the room, ensuring no one was watching, before pressing the button and holding the camera up to your face. your voice was barely above a whisper as you began to speak. "hello, to whoever finds this. you may not know me, my name is..." you paused, a slight hesitation before continuing. "y/n l/n." the words felt strange on your lips, a formal introduction to an unknown audience. you took another deep breath, your eyes drifting out the window as you continued. "i'm not sure where to start, or what to say. i'm not even sure why i'm doing this." the camera's lens seemed to bore into your soul, as if urging you to reveal more. you hesitated, your thoughts racing, before finding the courage to continue. "i guess i just want to leave something behind, something true." the words felt fragile, vulnerable, but you pressed on, the camera's gentle hum a reminder that you were sharing your story, your truth.

your voice remained soft, but a hint of vulnerability crept in as you continued. "i'm the son of a mother who suddenly vanished..who couldn't bare to live the life that she had. i barely have any memories of her." the words felt like a confession, a revelation of a pain you'd long carried. "i remember pieces of her...a smile, a laugh, a warm embrace...but they're fading, like a dream i can't hold onto." you paused, collecting your thoughts before speaking again. "and i'm the son of a father who was consumed by debt...who thought staying down was needed to survive." a hint of bitterness seeped into your tone, a resentment towards the circumstances that had shaped your life. "he just let it happen, let them take everything from us." your eyes dropped, as if the weight of those memories was too much to bear. "i grew up with nothing...no stability, no security...just a constant sense of uncertainty." the camera's lens seemed to hold your gaze, as if urging you to confront the pain head-on. you took a deep breath, the words still flowing, like a river finally undammed.

your voice cracked slightly as you continued, the memories still raw. "i was a victim of bullies...relentless, merciless...they saw my weakness and pounced." your eyes flashed with a hint of defiance. "but i fought back...many times...i refused to stay a victim." despite the bravado, your tone betrayed a hint of sadness. "but it didn't matter...i was still an outcast...still alone." the words hung in the air, a poignant reminder of the pain and isolation you'd endured. "i tried to fit in...to be like them...but i couldn't...i wouldn't." your gaze dropped, as if the shame of those memories still lingered. "i was a ghost in my own life...invisible, insignificant...." the camera's lens seemed to hold your gaze, a silent witness to the anguish you'd faced. you took a deep breath, the words still flowing, a cathartic release of the pain and hurt.

"no one will help you but yourself," you said, a fierce determination etched in your voice. "i'm the only one who showed up for me every single day that i woke up...i was there for me when i felt like this life was no longer worth living." your eyes shone with a quiet strength. "i was my own savior, my own caretaker...i learned to love myself, even when the ones i wanted couldn't." a hint of sorrow lingered, but it was tempered by a sense of triumph. "i learned to fight for myself, to the very end...to hold on to hope, even when it seemed like a distant dream." your gaze locked onto the camera, a fierce intensity burning within. "i am my own hero, my own refuge...i will not wait for someone else to save me, because i know that i am enough." the words hung in the air, a powerful declaration of self-love and resilience. "i will fight for myself, every day...and i will love myself, even if it's the only love i ever know."

a single tear fell, rolling down your cheek as you spoke, your voice trembling with emotion. "i will never be a victim again," you whispered, the words a solemn vow. "even before this outbreak, i was a survivor..” you trail off, “and i will continue to be for the ones that couldn't be.” you slowly reached out and pressed the stop button on the camera, the recording coming to an end. your gaze lingered on the device for a moment, as if ensuring the words were truly captured. then, with a solemn expression, you turned away from the camera and looked out the window. the sunlight streaming in seemed to fade into the background as your eyes drifted off, lost in thought. your face reflected a mix of emotions - determination, sadness, and a hint of hope.

you felt a gentle touch on your shoulder, a soft pressure that seemed to convey a sense of understanding. you knew it was namra without looking, recognizing the thin, long fingers that rested on your shoulder. you didn't turn to face her, instead, you simply raised the camera, offering it to her. the hand on your shoulder hesitated for a moment before namra slowly took the camera from you. her fingers brushed against yours, a fleeting touch that seemed to convey a sense of solidarity. without a word, namra turned and walked back to her chair by the classroom doors, the camera clutched in her hand. you watched her go, still gazing out the window, lost in thought. the silence between you was palpable, yet somehow, it felt less heavy, as if sharing your story had created a sense of connection, a sense of understanding. namra's presence seemed to linger, even as she returned to her seat, a quiet witness to the emotions that still swirled within you.

suhyeok's gaze lingered on your tired figure, his eyes filled with concern. he seemed to debate whether to walk over to you again, to offer some semblance of comfort. he couldn't hear anything you said to the camera which made him curious. but before he could make a move, namra's sudden action caught his attention. she quickly walked towards the long red curtains that kept out the zombies, her movements swift and purposeful. suhyeok's curiosity got the better of him, and he followed her, his footsteps quiet on the floor. as he approached, namra turned to him, her eyes wide with a mix of fear and urgency. "i can hear something," she whispered, her voice barely audible. suhyeok's brow furrowed, his head cocked to the side as he listened intently.

the others quickly got up from their seats, their faces filled with concern, and walked towards namra, who stood frozen by the curtains. onjo approached you, her brow furrowed with worry, and asked, "are you okay?" her voice broke through your reverie, and you turned to her, still trying to process what was happening. you stood up, your movements slow, and followed the others towards namra. as you approached, namra turned to the group, her eyes wide with alarm.

"i think i hear someone...puking," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. the group exchanged uneasy glances, their faces filled with a mix of fear and confusion. suhyeok took a step forward, his hand on the curtain, as if ready to pull it back. "what do you mean?" he asked, his voice low and cautious. namra's grip on the curtain tightened. "i don't know, it sounds like...retching, gagging..." the group fell silent, their ears straining to pick up the sound. but nothing occured.

namra's eyes darted around the room, her gaze sweeping across the space as if searching for something. her expression was tense, her brow furrowed in concern. "guys, i think we should leave," she said suddenly, her voice low and urgent. "this room feels...weird." she hesitated, as if trying to find the right words.

cheongsan halted, his hand on the door handle, and turned to face the group. "we can't just leave," he said, his voice firm. "we need to figure out what's going on." daesu groaned, throwing up his hands. "this is all because we didn't head to the roof when we had the chance...when the music was playing." onjo's eyes lit up with a sudden idea. "we do have music," she said, a sly smile spreading across her face. she turned to namra, who still clutched the camcorder. "namra, can you play back the recording?" namra looked confused, but onjo continued, her excitement growing. "we can use the music to lure them in...build a tall barricade and funnel them into a trap." the group stared at her, unsure of what to make of her plan.

onjo's voice was filled with determination as she outlined her plan. "once all of them come in through these doors," she said, pointing to the left doors, "we can make a run for the backdoors and head to the roof." her eyes locked onto yours, her gaze intense. "every infected person will be in the room on this floor...we have to make it to the roof once theyre all in." she paused, her chest heaving with excitement. "we can do it." you nodded, a surge of adrenaline coursing through your veins. the plan was risky, but it was their best chance of escape. suhyeok and daesu nodded in agreement, their faces set with determination. namra and cheongsan exchanged a nervous glance, but they too nodded, ready to put their trust in onjo's plan. with a deep breath, the group steeled themselves for what was to come. they knew it wouldn't be easy, but they were ready to fight for their survival.

with a sense of purpose, the group sprang into action, beginning to set up the barricade. suhyeok and daesu started dragging heavy tables and chairs towards the left doors, their faces straining with effort. namra and cheongsan worked together, piling up stacks of books and furniture to reinforce the barricade. onjo directed the operation, her eyes darting back and forth to ensure everything was in place. you joined in, helping to secure the barricade with ropes and weights. as you worked, the retching sounds grew louder, more insistent, and the group's sense of urgency increased. they knew they had to be ready before the infected broke through the doors. sweat dripped down your faces, and muscles ached, but no one complained. they were driven by a shared determination to survive. finally, the barricade was in place, a sturdy wall of furniture and debris blocking the left doors. onjo stepped back, her eyes scanning the barricade, a nod of satisfaction on her face. "it's ready," she said, her voice firm. "let's get into position." the group moved to the backdoors, their hearts racing with anticipation. they knew what was coming.

cheongsan volunteered to stay behind, his voice firm. "someone has to open the door on the other side to let them in." suhyeok hesitated for a moment before jumping back over to join him. "i'll go with you," he said, his eyes locked on cheongsan's. the two of them positioned themselves by the barricade, ready to open the doors and lure the zombies in.

meanwhile, you and horyeong worked together to secure the chairs with rope, your hands moving in tandem. "you're brave," horyeong said suddenly, her voice soft. your gaze dropped down to hers, your eyes questioning. "what did you say?" you asked, your voice low. horyeong's face flushed pink as she looked up at you, her eyes shining with sincerity. "you're brave...and i hope you know that." she finished tying the knot, her hands moving quickly. you blinked, your ears heating up with shock, as you processed her words. no one had ever called you brave before. you didn't know how to respond, your mind racing. “um, well-i-yeah-.. im..” you stammer. she only looks at you and laughs, “you're welcome.”

meanwhile, cheongsan and suhyeok were engaged in a hushed conversation, their voices barely audible over the creaking of the barricade. cheongsan's eyes narrowed, his expression puzzled. "what did you just say?" he asked, his tone laced with curiosity. suhyeok's response was a low, throaty laugh, his eyes glinting with amusement. "i said i like someone else," he repeated, his smirk growing wider. "you don't need to worry about me and onjo. so treat her right, and not like a guy, moron." cheongsan's stare intensified, his gaze boring into suhyeok's. "who is it?" he pressed, his voice low and urgent. suhyeok's hesitated, his eyes darting towards you before snapping back to cheongsan. the same fear that had gripped him when myungwhan's arm had wrapped around his shoulders, while you were being assaulted, threatened to overwhelm him. he couldn't bring himself to say it, his voice caught in his throat. instead, he looked back at you, his gaze lingering on the glimpses of you he could see through the cracks between the chairs. "i'll tell you later," suhyeok said finally, his smile strained, his eyes betraying a mix of emotions.

suhyeok playfully elbowed cheongsan, gesturing for him to get back behind the barricade. "go, go!" he whispered urgently. cheongsan nodded and scurried back to safety. suhyeok took a deep breath, grasped the door handle, and slid it open. he didn't hesitate, dashing forward and using the wall to propel himself back behind the barricade. the zombies tumbled into the room, their feet tangling in the chairs set on the ground, causing them to trip and stumble. joonyeong, positioned by the camcorder, grinned mischievously as he pressed play. the loud music blared to life, echoing off the walls and drawing in more zombies. they shambled towards the sound, their moans growing louder, more insistent. the group held their breath as the zombies poured into the room, their numbers swelling. the barricade creaked and groaned under the pressure, but held firm. suhyeok landed hard on the floor, his chest heaving, and grinned at cheongsan. "that was close," he whispered. cheongsan nodded, his eyes fixed on the horde beyond the barricade. "too close."

the group strained against the barricade, their muscles trembling with effort, as the zombies pushed and clawed at the makeshift barrier. joonyeong, meanwhile, continued to turn up the volume, the music growing louder and more intense, drawing even more zombies into the room. onjo darted between the windows, peeking through the curtains to check the hallways. each time, she shook her head, her expression grim. "still too many out there," she whispered to suhyeok, who nodded curtly, his eyes fixed on the barricade. cheongsan, you, and daesu were pressed against the barrier, their faces set in determined lines, as they struggled to hold it in place. namra and horyeong were positioned at the edges, their eyes scanning the room for any signs of weakness. the zombies continued to pour in, their numbers seemingly endless, as the music reached a deafening crescendo. the barricade creaked and groaned, threatening to collapse at any moment, but the group held firm, their lives depending on it. onjo checked the windows again, her heart sinking as she saw the hallway was still filled with zombies. "we can't stay here," she whispered urgently. "we need to be louder, daesu!"

daesu's face turned red with rage as he shouted at the top of his lungs, "die zombies, fucking die!" his voice echoed off the walls, drowning out the music for a moment. the zombies, already frenzied, became even more agitated, their moans growing louder, more urgent. they pressed against the barricade with renewed strength, causing it to slide further towards daesu's side of the room. the group stumbled backward, their feet scraping against the floor as they struggled to maintain their position. the barricade creaked ominously, its stability precarious. "daesu, again!" onjo yelled, her voice panicked. "one more time!" daesu continued to shout, his voice hoarse, his eyes blazing with fury. the zombies kept coming, their numbers seemingly endless, as the barricade shrank, trapping the group in an increasingly smaller space.

the others, not holding the barricade, grabbed whatever instruments they could find - guitars, drums, maracas - and began playing them with reckless abandon. the loud sounds were ear-piercing, a chaotic mix of clashing notes and rhythms that grated on the nerves. namra was banging away on a drum set, her face contorted in a mixture of fear and determination. hroryeong was strumming a guitar with wild, slashing motions, the strings squealing in protest. joonyeong was shaking a pair of maracas with a frenzied intensity, the beads rattling out a maddening beat. the music was a far cry from the harmonious melodies they had played earlier, now it was a jarring, discordant noise designed to attract every zombie within earshot. and it worked. more and more zombies stumbled into the room, drawn by the cacophony, their eyes fixed on the group with a hungry gleam. the barricade creaked and groaned, the group's position becoming increasingly precarious. but they didn't stop playing, their faces set in grim determination, as they fought to survive.

your arm began to ache, a burning sensation spreading from your shoulder to your wrist, as you strained against the barricade. you gritted your teeth, pouring all your strength into holding it back. the zombies pushed and clawed, their relentless pressure threatening to overwhelm you. sweat dripped from your brow, stinging your eyes, as you dug deep, finding reserves of strength you didn't know you had. your legs trembled, your back screamed in protest, but you refused to yield. the barricade creaked, groaned, and shuddered, but you held firm, your arm a rigid bar of muscle and bone. the others played on, their music a wild, savage counterpoint to the zombies' moans, as they fought to keep the horde at bay. but you knew it couldn't last. the barricade was weakening, the zombies too numerous, too strong. you felt it slipping, inch by inch, the weight crushing down on you like a physical force. your vision blurred, your breath came in ragged gasps, but still you pushed, your arm screaming in agony, as the barricade teetered on the brink of collapse.

cheongsan's voice cut through the din, "wujin, now! we need to go, now!" but wujin, still gazing out the window, shook his head, his expression grim. "we can't go yet! not yet!" he shouted back, his voice laced with urgency. cheongsan's eyes widened in alarm, "what do you mean? we can't hold this much longer!" wujin's gaze remained fixed on something outside, his jaw clenched. "there's too many out there...we'll never make it...just a little longer, please!" the barricade shuddered, the zombies' pressure intensifying, as if sensing their prey's desperation. the group's cries of exertion grew louder, their faces contorted in effort, as they fought to maintain their position. suhyeok's eyes darted to wujin, then back to the barricade, his mind racing with the implications. "what's out there, wujin? what are you seeing?" but wujin just shook his head, his voice barely audible over the chaos. "just...hold...on..."

"it's gonna fall!" you shouted, your voice hoarse from exertion, as the barricade creaked ominously. you winced in pain, your shoulder aching despite using the other one to push. the strain was taking its toll on your body, but you refused to yield. everyone was fighting, pushing, and shoving, desperate to keep the zombies at bay. in the midst of the chaos, your gaze met suhyeok's, and for a fleeting moment, you locked eyes. it was as if time stood still, and all that existed was the two of you, connected in a shared struggle for survival. the eye contact seemed to inject new energy into your weary muscles, and you pushed harder, fueled by a renewed sense of determination. suhyeok's expression mirrored yours, his eyes burning with a fierce resolve. together, you fought on, your movements synchronized, as if driven by a single heartbeat. the barricade groaned, the zombies clawed, but you stood firm, united in your defiance. in that instant, you knew you could face anything, as long as you had each other.

"clear! we have to go now!" wujin yelled, his voice piercing the chaos, as he slid open the door to reveal an empty hallway. the sudden reprieve sparked a frantic scramble for escape. one by one, the group members abandoned their stations and sprinted towards the door. you glanced at daesu, who gestured urgently, "go already!" you nodded and took off, your heart racing, as you dashed towards the door. looking back, you saw cheongsan hesitating, then turning to run back to daesu. he grabbed daesu's arm, pulling him along, as they both sprinted towards the door. they were the last two to leave, and as they reached the threshold, the barricade behind them gave a final, ominous creak before collapsing under the crushing weight of the infected horde. the sound of shattering wood and screams filled the air, but you didn't look back. you kept running, your eyes fixed on wujin, who was leading the group down the hallway, their footsteps echoing off the walls. you knew you had to keep moving, to find a safe haven before the zombies overwhelmed you once more.

you ran side by side with joonyeong, your feet pounding the floor in unison, as you both stayed tucked in the middle of the group. the girls - namra, horyeong, jimin and onjo - flanked you, their faces set in determined lines, their breathing ragged. wujin and cheongsan led the charge, their long strides eating up the distance, as they navigated the twisting hallways. daesu and suhyeok brought up the rear, their eyes scanning the surroundings, ready to defend against any stragglers. you heaved, your lungs burning, as you struggled to keep pace. the group's formation was tight, a cohesive unit, as you all fought to escape the zombie-infested school. the hallways blurred together, a never-ending maze, but wujin's lead kept you moving forward. sudden turns and sharp corners made your stomach lurch, but joonyeong's presence beside you was a steady comfort. you glanced over, meeting his gaze, and saw a flicker of fear, quickly replaced by a determined glint. you nodded, and he nodded back, your bond forged in the heat of survival.

you all thundered up the first staircase you saw, your footsteps echoing off the walls. wujin led the charge, his eyes fixed on the top, as you ascended higher and higher. at each landing, you turned right, following a zigzagging path through the school's upper floors. your one-armed gait made balance a constant struggle, but joonyeong stayed glued to your side, offering a steadying hand whenever you stumbled. his support was a lifeline, helping you navigate the treacherous stairs without falling behind. the others pushed on, their breathing growing more labored with each floor. daesu and suhyeok still brought up the rear, their eyes scanning the stairs below, ready to defend against any zombies that might appear. as you climbed, the sounds of chaos and destruction grew fainter, replaced by the creaking of the old school's wooden framework and the group's ragged gasps. finally, you reached the top floor, the stairs ending at a door marked "roof access".

the door to the roof access loomed before you, its metal surface gleaming in the dim light. wujin grasped the handle, pushing and pulling with all his might, but it wouldn't budge. cheongsan joined him, their combined strength straining against the unyielding door. but it remained stubbornly shut, the lock unyielding. the group's collective anxiety grew, their impatient whispers and shifting feet echoing through the corridor. "come on, come on!" daesu urged, his voice low and urgent. "we can't stay here!" suhyeok added, his eyes scanning the stairs below, as if expecting a zombie horde to appear at any moment. joonyeong stayed close to you, her hand on your arm, her gaze fixed on the door. "what's wrong?" namra asked, her voice trembling. "why won't it open?" wujin stepped back, his face grimy with sweat, and examined the lock.

daesu, frustration etched on his face, growled, "move!" and positioned himself before the door. he took a few steps back, then launched himself at the door, shoulder first. the impact was loud, but the door held firm, barely budging. daesu recoiled, wincing in pain, his shoulder likely bruised. cheongsan, meanwhile, had moved to the side, where a keypad was mounted. he studied it for a moment, then began entering a password. the keypad beeped, and a flashing red light signaled "incorrect". cheongsan's face contorted in anger, he punched the keypad with a curse, "come on, shit!" the group's anxiety spiked, their eyes darting between the door, the keypad, and the stairs below, where the zombies could appear at any moment. "try again!" wujin urged, his voice low and urgent. cheongsan's fingers flew across the keypad, entering another sequence. the beep sounded once more, followed by the same flashing red light. "no, no, no!" cheongsan shouted, his fist clenched in frustration. hroryeong’s grip on your arm tightened, her eyes wide with fear. "what if we can't get out?" she whispered.

joonyeong pushed daesu aside and began pounding on the door, his fists making loud thuds. "is anyone there? anyone?" he shouted, his voice hoarse from screaming. he banged the door again, desperation etched on his face. you remembered the hammer in your pocket, the one you'd saved from the music room. "joonyeong!" you called out, tossing him the hammer. he caught it mid-air, his eyes flashing with determination. she began hammering the metal door handles, trying to break them off. the clangs echoed through the corridor, accompanied by joonyeong's grunts of effort. you glanced down the staircase, still seeing no signs of zombies. but you knew that could change any moment.

namra's eyes locked onto yours, her expression grim. "they're coming, a bunch of them," she whispered, her head cocked to the side, as if listening to a distant sound. you strained your ears, but heard nothing. yet, you trusted namra's instincts over your own. you hurried to cheongsan, who was still trying to hack the keypad. "cheongsan, namra says a horde is coming," you warned him.

he nodded curtly, not looking up, and motioned to suhyeok. the two of them positioned themselves at the top of the staircase, eyes fixed on the floor below, waiting for any zombies to emerge. meanwhile, joonyeong continued to hammer at the door handles, but soon groaned, his hand hurting from the reverberation. wujin took over, his face set in determination, and continued to strike the same handle. slowly but surely, it began to loosen, the metal creaking in protest. a faint crack appeared in the door, and you knew they were making progress. the sound of wujin's hammering echoed through the corridor, a rhythmic clang that seemed to match the pounding of your heart. suddenly, suhyeok's voice cut through the din, "wait, do you hear that?" he whispered, his eyes fixed on the staircase below.

the sound of zombies crawling and tripping up the staircase grew louder, their moans and snarls filling the air. suhyeok and cheongsan stood firm, using a thick wooden art placer and a metal tripod to push back against the horde. the wooden placard cracked and splintered, but held firm, as they desperately tried to hold off the zombies. "fuck, it's not opening?" you cursed, glancing back at wujin, who shook his head, his face grim. the hammering had stopped, and the crack in the door seemed to have reached a plateau. panic began to set in, as the reality of your situation sank in. you were trapped, with no clear escape route. the zombies would soon overwhelm suhyeok and cheongsan, and then you'd all be doomed. jimin’s eyes met yours, wide with fear, as she whispered, "what do we do?" namra's voice trembled, "we can't stay here..." horyeong and onjo clung to each other, their faces pale. the group's cohesion began to fray, as desperation took hold. wujin's gaze darted around, searching for an alternative, but there was none. you were running out of time, and options.

namra tapped you on the shoulder, her eyes locked on yours, and pointed to a huge blue tarp next to her. you quickly grabbed it, understanding her plan. "everyone, help!" namra shouted, as she began to unfold the tarp. "we need to cover the balcony, block the zombies from coming up!" the group sprang into action, grabbing the tarp's edges and rushing to the balcony. you heaved the tarp over the railing, and the others helped to spread it out, covering the stairs below. the zombies, undeterred, continued to climb, but the tarp blocked their ascent, trapping them below. the group breathed a collective sigh of relief, but knew it was only a temporary solution. the tarp wouldn't hold forever, and you still needed to find a way out. wujin turned back to the door, hammer in hand, and resumed his efforts to break through. joonyeong joined him, and together they hammered away, trying to widen the crack. suhyeok and cheongsan stood guard, ready to defend against any zombies that might breach the tarp. you looked around, assessing your situation, and knew you had to keep moving. the roof was still your best bet, but you needed to get through that door.

just as you thought the tarp would hold, a figure emerged from behind it. gwinam, his eye bloody and swollen, walked calmly past the zombies, who didn't even flinch in his presence. his gaze was fixed on the group, and his expression sent shivers down your spine. it was almost...evil. the group exchanged nervous glances, unsure what to make of gwinam's sudden appearance.

gwinam's evil smile fixed on cheongsan, who stood frozen, tripod still clutched in his hand. cheongsan, trying to protect himself, swung the tripod at gwinam, but it was like hitting a brick wall. gwinam didn't flinch, didn't even acknowledge the blow. your mind racing, memories of gwinam's torture in school came flooding back. you were that terrified kid again, unable to move or escape. onjo's shout broke the spell, "keep holding the tarp!" you snapped back to reality, but your body trembled with fear. gwinam's grip on cheongsan tightened, his smile growing wider. "give me your eye, yeah?" his words made your blood run cold. namra, however, sprang into action. with a strength that belied her slender frame, she grabbed gwinam by the throat, holding him over the ledge. gwinam's eyes widened in surprise, his grip on cheongsan faltering. namra's gaze burned with intensity as she gritted out, "why don't you just die?" and with a swift motion, she threw gwinam down the staircase. the tarp, still clutched by the group, was dragged down with him, leaving you all exposed once more. the zombies, now free to climb, began to pour up the stairs, their moans growing louder.

onjo's yell cut through the chaos, "we got the door open! come on!" the group sprinted towards the doorway, desperate for escape. as you emerged into the bright sunlight, you felt a sense of hope. but, you didn't forget your friends still fighting off zombies. you turned back, seeing suhyeok and cheongsan struggling to hold off the horde. "guys, come on!" you shouted, rushing back to help. you grabbed cheongsan's arm, pushing him towards the door. "go, go, go!" suhyeok followed close behind, zombies mere steps behind. wujin and joonyeong helped pull them to safety, as namra and hroryeong stood guard, ready to defend against any stragglers. finally, everyone was through the doorway, gasping for breath. you looked around, taking in the rooftop's expanse. the sun shone brightly overhead, a welcome change from the darkness below. but, you knew the zombies could still follow. you needed a new plan, and fast. "we need to find a way down," wujin said, echoing your thoughts. "or a way to block the door," suhyeok added, still catching his breath. the group began to brainstorm, desperate to survive.

the door creaked and groaned, but suhyeok and cheongsan held firm, their faces strained with effort. you gazed up at the helicopter, its rotors whipping the air into a frenzy. the wind stung your eyes, making it hard to keep them open. but then, you saw him. cheolsu, the one person you forgot about. he sat in the helicopter, looking down at you with a mixture of guilt and relief. your mind reeled as you whispered, "what...?" cheolsu's eyes met yours for a brief moment, before he looked away, closing his eyes in comfort. the betrayal cut deep, a second knife to the back. you felt like you'd been punched in the gut, all the air sucked out of you. how could he? why was he there, safe and sound, while you fought for your life? the questions swirled, but the answers remained elusive. the helicopter began to lift off, leaving you and your friends to fend for yourselves. you watched, numb, as cheolsu disappeared into the distance, leaving you to face the undead hordes alone.

suhyeok sprinted alongside the helicopter, waving their arms and yelling, but it was too late. the helicopter vanished into the distance, leaving you all behind. you took suhyeok's spot, holding the door with cheongsan, feeling the undead pounding against it. for a moment, you thought. then, you remembered the wires in your pocket. "wait," you said, digging into your pocket and producing the wires. you handed them to cheongsan, who quickly got to work. he tied the wires to the door knobs, securing them with a sturdy knot. "okay!" he exclaimed, slowly lifting his weight off the door. you did the same, and to your relief, the door held firm. the zombies on the other side continued to pound and moan, but the makeshift barricade kept them at bay. for now, you were safe. cheongsan let out a sigh of relief, and you shared a nod of triumph. but, you knew it was only temporary. you needed a new plan, and fast. the group gathered around, looking at you for guidance. "what's next?" wujin asked, his eyes scanning the rooftop. you took a deep breath, thinking. the city stretched out before you, a vast expanse of unknown dangers. but, you had to keep moving. "we need to find another way down," you said, "and fast."

the helicopter vanished into the distance, leaving you all behind. hroryeong's sobs echoed through the rooftop, a heartbreaking sound. cheongsan, exhausted, collapsed to the ground, his chest heaving. you knelt beside him, concern etched on your face. "hey, it's okay. take deep breaths," you said, patting his legs to prevent cramping. cheongsan nodded, still panting, as you sat beside him. you took a moment to catch your own breath, feeling the weight of your situation. all you wanted was to go home, to shower, to sleep in your own bed. but that was a luxury you couldn't afford. not now, not yet. you were stuck on this rooftop, trapped with your peers, surrounded by the undead. the reality was crushing.

but for now, you just sat, trying to gather your strength, trying to process everything that had happened. the silence was broken only by hroryeong's sobs and cheongsan's heavy breathing.

you and cheongsan exchanged a nervous glance as the door began banging hard, the sound echoing across the rooftop. you knew it was gwinam, trying to get in. the metal doors shuddered under the impact, but held firm. for now. everyone gathered around, watching in silence as the door continued to shake. one burst, two, three... but after the fourth, the banging stopped. an unsettling quiet fell over the rooftop. you waited, expecting another burst, but nothing came. the silence was oppressive, heavy with tension. "what's going on?" wujin whispered, eyes fixed on the door. "is he...?" joonyeong trailed off, his voice barely audible.

you shook your head, unsure. cheongsan slowly got to his feet, his eyes locked on the door. "i don't know, but we need to be ready." suhyeok nodded, positioning themselves beside cheongsan. the group formed a semi-circle around the door, waiting, watching. the quiet stretched out, punctuated only by horyeong's sniffling. you held your breath, bracing for what might come next.

namra's voice broke the silence, her words barely above a whisper. "he's gone." suhyeok turned to her, confusion etched on their face. "who's gone?" but namra's gaze was fixed intently on the door, her head cocked to one side, as if listening for something. "gwinam," she said, her voice firm, confirming what everyone was thinking. the group exchanged nervous glances, unsure what to make of namra's declaration. cheongsan took a step forward, his eyes locked on the door. "are you sure?" he asked, his voice low. namra nodded, her eyes still fixed on the door. "yes, i'm sure. he's not trying to get in anymore." the silence that followed was oppressive, heavy with uncertainty. what did it mean? had gwinam given up? or was he planning something else? you couldn't shake the feeling that you were all just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

[itsruki]

Good Girls Like Bad Guys

Dom!Older!Takeomi x Sub!Virgin!Younger!reader

MDNI! MINORS DO NOT READ!

Masterlist:

a/n: So...im back from hiatus. I dont know how often I will post. we shall see about that but this is a lil bit longer of a Smut ff

synopsis: Senju´s class mate, meets Takeomi while working on a school project with her. from there, he keeps on teasing her. he is double her age so its obvious its not serious.....right?

Trigger warnings: afab-reader, mentions of unprotected sex, large age gap, petnames: good girl, baby, doll, dollface, babygirl

word count: 4031

I feel like I'm a bad person. I feel like some people would judge me for my actions and I feel like, if she would know why I always come over; she would never talk to me ever again. 

Senju is great; don't get me wrong. I am happy to call her my friend, but I'd be lying if I didn't say, there is an ulterior motive for me to come to her place. 

It's because he is there. Takeomi Akashi. Her older brother.

It started a few months ago, when I was assigned to a project with Senju. Before, we knew each other; we would be in similar friend groups, but that's when I really started talking. 

Senju is a nice and sweet girl, bubbly and kind. She is welcoming and offers to do the project at her place right away. I accept because, for me, I just want to get it over with. 

I am a little bit of a socially complicated person who doesn't really like being around people. Usually hiding behind my bangs and glasses. People always take my quiet and reserved nature as being cold and condescending. In truth, I am just shy and don't really know what to say.

Senju never has an issue with that. Senju could see through me right away. 

I was sitting in the living room of her small apartment. It is a small 2-bedroom apartment, and I heard before that she was living with her brother and not with her parents, but I never really gave much thought to why that is.

We are both busy working on the project, occasionally cracking a joke and laughing. I am sucked into the work until the front door opens.

That's when I see him the first time.

He is tall; his dark hair was slicked back, some gray streaks and blond sections in it. He has a scar over one of his bright eyes. His eyes themselves are a bright color with so much depth, I thought I could drown in them. His body is muscular and very lean. He looks like he trains regularly. The remains of a cigarette in his hand as he blows out the last bit of smoke out the door before fully stepping in.

I'd be lying if you'd say that you weren't starring at first.

My eyes were glued to him. His toned chest covered in a loose and deep-cut gym tank top, gray sweatpants that, for a lack of better words, left nothing much to the imagination, and god, he looks large...

My cheeks heated up. 

My eyes go to the floor, and I look back at the project.

"nii-chan! You are home early!" Senju says

"Yeah, the gym closed up early because of the Heat." His voice is gruff and rough. Deep and husky. It is noticeable throughout all his features that he is about double my age. A mature man that lives his life 

I look up to his eyeing you. His expression is unreadable. His face doesn't give much away at all.

"This is my friend nii-san. We are doing homework together," he nods as she speaks, his eyes still on me.

"huuuh." is all he says before he walks to the kitchen. "Do we have something to eat?"

Senju giggles, "Yeah, I made dinner. It's on the stove."

He gets himself a bowl of food and sits down on the sofa next to us. I try to ignore his presence and just focus on your homework. Getting it done and then just leaving. 

"What are you two working on?" he asks.

"Oh, just a project about Japanese history. Nothing crazy," Senju Speaks casually with her brother, seemingly unaware of the tension I feel. 

"Yes, it seems that some people your age have a thing for older things," he says with a smirk... It can't be, right?... He isn't egging me on...right? He is just being playful and nice, right? 

That is the first encounter.

The second one is a few weeks later, when Senju is sick, and I am requests to bring her the schoolwork. 

I ring the bell and wait. Takeomi opens the door. He is on the phone with someone and looks extremely pissed until he lays eyes on me. He has a cigarette in his mouth and gives me a smile.

"What brings you here, doll?" ...doll…he called me a doll… "Not you! Shut up! Give me a minute, dumbass!" he says into the phone before pressing it in his chest to muffle the sounds for them. "So, what do you need? Looking for Senju?" I nod slowly and already feel like a light dusting of pink creeping on my cheeks. "u-uhm, I have her...her homework." He chuckles at me....what does that mean?? Is he making fun of me?? "How thoughtful of you," he says in a mocking tone. "You are a real sweetheart. Good girl." I almost chock on my spit. 

"u-uhm so....h-here is the-the ....homework" I mumble before I hand it to him. My cheeks, ears and neck are a bright red. "I will let her know you were here," he said. I can't stand it much longer. I pretty much ran off in embarrassed 

After that, I avoid going to her house for a few months. She keeps inviting me over for projects, homework or even a sleepover or two. I decline it all. I am so mad at myself. How can a man in his 30s make me feel like that??...

One day, I am out buying groceries. I am in the store holding two bags of instant noodles, trying to decide which one to get, when I hear a familiar voice behind me.

"Haven't seen you in a while, doll face. Are you trying to avoid me?" Takeomi says in a teasing and half-joking tone. "You're hurting my feelings, doll. I thought we had something special~" My cheeks turn pink. I'm panicking. "I-i...uhm....I.....I am not.....trying to avoid...anyone..." He moves closer, which I responded to by backing up until I have a wall behind me. "Am I scaring you, Hun?" My breath hitched as he used his fingers to caress my cheek.  "N-no....A-akashi-san...." "Takeomi" he corrected me. He whispers the next thing in my ear, "You know, it really makes me sad when my favorite little eye candy doesn't show herself anymore."  I stammer nonsense, unable to process what he is saying. He moves back and laughs in a hearty way. "Your expression is priceless, doll! As if you just had a prince swoop you off your feet." he taped his ice-cold water bottle against my hot forehead. "Do me a favor and stay this pure. I would hate to see a guy ruin that for you." then he slowly walks away. "And don't be shy. Shoe yourself again once in a while. Senju thinks you hate her." My eyes widen, and I can't help but feel bad. Poor Senju. I don't hate her.....I just.....I can't be around her brother. Its torture. Knowing he is just teasing me. Knowing he isn't serious. It breaks me. I end up buying nothing and burying myself in my bed that night.

About 3 weeks later is Senju´s birthday, and when she asks me if I would stay at her house for a sleepover, I am about to tell her no. Then she tells me nobody else wants to come. She looks close to tears. I couldn't say no. impossible. So I agreed.

On the night of her birthday, it is mostly just us two. We go the full 9 yards. Facemasks, nail polish, talking about boys (obv I don't mention that I like her brother), and cheesy Romance movies. We are in our PJs and sit in front of the TV in the living room. I am having so much fun. I am finally relaxed and could just be me. Then the front door opens. Takeomi comes inside with a cake from the convenience store. He is wearing a white tank top and gray sweatpants. His cigarette in his lips as he enters. "nii-san! Finally! You are so late!" Senju is extremely hyper and happy. She takes the cake and walks to the kitchen. Takeomi´s eyes lay on me, and he gives me a mocking whistle. "Meow~" he says, "looking sharp." My cheeks turn pink, and I pull the shorts just a tiny bit further down. He laughs again. He is such a jerk. After we all have cake and talk for a bit, me and Senju move to her bedroom. Not too long after, we go to bed. I just couldn't sleep. While she is deep asleep and snoring, I am tossing and turning. I check the time. 2:00am. Shit. I decided to go and grab a drink. I stand up and walk over to the kitchen. Takeomi is in the living room, spread out on the sofa, smoking as always and watching TV. He gives me a wave and a smirk. I blush but try to ignore him. I take a confident step to the open kitchen and grab a bottle of water.

"You really are nothing for sore eyes, doll. I could look at you all day." I flinch. He is right behind me, speaking directly into my ear. One of his hands on my hip, thumb drawing circles around my midriff, while his other flat against the fridge door next to my head. My breath is stuck in my throat. "U-u-uhm, eh..." I stammer again. My cheeks are a bright red. "You are way too cute...I could just eat you up..." His lips touch my ear, gliding to my jaw, and he gives me some feather-light kisses. I feel a shiver down my spine, goosebumps all over my body. He straightens his body, now both his hands on my hips. He is trembling. 

He pulls away. I lean against the fridge and pant, looking back at him in shock. My whole body burns. "Sorry. I went too far with my joke." he chuckles and walks over to his door. "Have a good night, doll." He opens his door and walks into his room, closing the door behind him. I sink to my knees and shake. I pant and ring for air. I cup my cheeks and try to calm down. What the heck was that?! That kind of joke is all it is... He keeps playing with my feelings just to get a reaction out of me! It's so cruel! I couldn't handle this torture anymore. Something needs to happen. I don't even remember how I raised to my feet. I stamp over to his door and rip it open. He stands there shocked, without a shirt. I am shaking. Tears are dwelling up in my eyes as I march over to him and push him on the bed. I sit down on him and begin to box his chest. I don't do damage at all, but I am just so angry and hurt. "Who do you think you are!? You can't keep doing this to me! It's not fair! Stop pretending that you like me, and then just walk away! Do I look like a game to you? Someone you can just mess with for a laugh?! You keep playing with my feelings! It sucks! It stinks that I fell for it, too! Not only that, but it stinks that I can't stop thinking about you! And that you just aren't serious!" I sob and cover my face with my hands as I weep. 

"Shit," he curses. He places his hand on my head, and I look up. He pets my head, "I really messed up, huh...." He gives me a different face. It's a warm smile. "You probably think I'm a sadist that gets off on messing with people... yeah?..." I sniffle as I look into his eyes. "Is that not how it is?" I ask. My voice is weak and horse through all the tears. Takeomi chuckles and shakes his head. He cups my cheeks and brushes a strain of hair behind my ear. Then he leaned in slowly, "Let me show you."

I don't have time to process. When his lips meet mine, I feel hot and cold at the same time. I freeze up and can't move. Then it clicks. I try to fight back at first, lifting my arms to hit him and push him away, but he caught both my wrists with his hands. I am so confused. I don't know what any of this means. I don't know what to do.

My brain is empty. All I can think about are his chapped lips and the taste of cigarettes. In any other circumstances, I would be repulsed by that, but somehow it just sucks me in deeper.

My hands slowly sink down and find there way on my thighs. Whatever this, however bad of an idea this is, and whatever kind of consequences might come after this, I can't fight back anymore. 

When he was about to pull back, I lean in and pull him back. He is startled for a second before his fingers tighten around my wrists. The kiss is growing more heated. He licks my lower lip with his tongue, and instinctively I open up for him. His tongue moves into my mouth, and when I feel it run through my mouth and taste every part of me, I moan. He groans against my lips, and his hands move to my hips and pull me flush against him. We break the kiss for a moment to breathe. My hands move to his shoulders, and then I move my arms around his neck. 

I whimper and moan as he turns us over. "This is so wrong," he breathes out and leans back into kissing me. His hands running up and down my thighs. I mewl and moan. "mhm...so wrong....we should stop...fuck…" I curse when I feel his bulge grinding against me. His hands grasp my wrists and pins them over my head. "Tell me to stop," he whispers into my ear before kissing down the side of my head to my jaw, down to my neck. His lips are sucking and kissing my pulse point.  "Please don't stop..." I gasp out. His fingertips grace my midriff. "Keep your arms over your head, or I will have to tie them up." his voice husky and horse. His hands move higher, sliding under the hem of my PJ button up. His thumbs are drawing circles right under my breasts. His tongue licks up and does my neck. 

He begins to unbutton my PJ. Every button less, he reveals my white lace bra. I hear him curse under his breath before he kisses further down until he is between my boobs. He cups both of them with his hands and takes a deep inhale "fucking perfect." His words run a chill through my whole body. Heat pools between my legs.

My moans grow louder. Takeomi rocks his hips against mine. His bulge is grinding against my covered sex. "Ta-takeomi..." I gasp out. The grinding grows more intense and deliberate. He fumbles with the clasps of my bra, but curses in frustration when his desperation renders him incompetent.

His hands move to my shoulder straps, pushing my arms down for a moment. He grabs onto them and yanks them down. I blush in a dark red when he eyes my exposed breasts. The look in his eyes is filled with animalistic lust, hunger and a deep-seated need. 

He undoes his belt, and within a few seconds, my hands were tied above my head to the headboard. 

A low growl escapes his throat as he kisses down mine. "It's all your fault. You and those eyes. Fuck....I tried everything. I tried everything to stop wanting you...." His face dips between my boobs. He gives the mounts of flesh kisses, licks around my nipple, and makes me jump under him. I whimper and whine. He tweaks and pinches the other one. When they were hard and turn into small pebbles, he began to bite the flesh of my boobs. Leaving bite marks everywhere. "Fuck.......fuck fuck fuck!......how do you have such a chock hold on me.....this body....your voice....it's like I'm losing my mind."

His hands glide down my sides; hook into the hem of my shorts. "....fucking finally. You've been flaunting this body around me for way too long...." He slides the fabric down my legs. My panties are now the only fabric that separates me from his gaze. "Fuck......you are so fucking wet, babygirl..." He kneels between my legs and spreads them even wider, pressing his nose into the drenched fabric. He inhales deep and groans. "fuuuuuuucckkk...." He gives my ass a firm slap, which made me yelp. Then another one, and another one. His tongue runs between my folds, held back by the barrier of my panties. He eats my pussy through my panties. My brain is blacking out. I can't contain my moans anymore. My body is tensing up.

He smirks against my covered sex. "You are close, aren't you? Fuck...drench those panties for me, baby. Squirt your juices into them for Daddy." 

Something in my head just snapped, and I whimpered out loud when I cum hard in my panties.

I pant. He looks up into my eyes. My face is red, tears run down my cheeks, my mouth a gape as I ring for air, my drool running down my chin.

I'm completely out of it until I notice a flash. He took a picture of me. "You don't mind, right, baby? You're gonna let Daddy have a piece of you, right?"

I shake my head. I can't talk. He smirks and uses his thumb to draw circles around my covered clit. I whimper. I'm still so sensitive. 

He peels the panties off my legs and spreads them wide. I feel the urge to cover myself, but my arms are still bound. He runs his fingers through my folds.

"You like it when I play with this pretty, little pussy, don't ya? Yeah...I can see you creaming all over my fingers....such a good girl for Daddy." His fingers slowly sink into my pussy. It's such a weird feeling. My walls clench around his digits. His thumb draws circles around my clit, "Open up, baby. Let Daddy stretch you out. Believe me.....you will need the preparation"

Two of his fingers slowly pump in and out of me, spreading my walls. He is stretching me out. He adds a third finger, making me gasp and whimper out. "You can take it, baby.....good girl"

When he decides that I am stretched enough, he pulls his fingers out.

I look down and see him hooking his finger into his Pants. I can see the bulge straining against the fabric. There is a dark spot where the tip would be.

He smirks at me as he slowly pulls down the Pants. His cock springs free. It's monstrous—girthy and long. It is veiny and leaks a copious amount of pre-cum. 

"You look like you just saw a ghost. I admit it's pretty dang big....but I'm sure you will be able to handle it.....hopefully. "

He grabs his cock by the base and runs the tip up and down my folds. I whine. It feels so good. It feels so unbelievably good. Then he lines up with my entrance. My body braces itself. He notices that and rubs my cheek. "Relax, babygirl....let me in."

I breathe and try to relax my muscles. He slowly pushes forward. The crown of his cock is inching its way into my tiny, unused hole.

It burns a little. He isn't rough at all, but he uses force. Slowly, painfully slow, he inches his way in. Then, I feel a piercing pain and take a sharp breath. He rubs my hips in soothing circles, "Breath through it, baby. It will be over soon." I look up at him and see his face strained. He looks like he is holding himself back. I take deep breaths. "Told you, you'd need the prep...." he chuckled. My arms wrap around his neck as I try to hold onto him. My body is slowly adjusting to the intrusion. He is so long and girthy, and I can feel every inch of him inside of me. He then slowly pushes the rest into me. Once he bottoms out, we just remain in that position. He keeps kissing me; he keeps whispering sweet nothing's while I slowly accommodate to his size. Once I feel like I'm okay with it, I wrap my legs around his hips. That's all the invitations he needs, and he begins to slowly pull out until just his tip remains in me. Then he pushes back into me in one motion. I yelp. It hurts, but it also feels so unbelievably good. I am so full. I feel like he is reaching everything inside. I begin to whine his name. He sets the pace of his slow but rough fucking. He lifts my legs to reach even deeper. I can't move. I can just lay there and take the pounding. He doesn't speak much anymore, mainly just grunting, groaning and cursing. It's like he isn't quiet there and only acting on instinct. 

The sound of flesh against flesh fills the air. My whimpering, his groans and the creaking of the bed. The wet squelching of my juices and the occasional spank he gives me. 

"I love you," I murmur. "I know," he  doesn't respond. Then he kisses me. The kiss is intense, almost as if he is saying it back but being too afraid to actually say it. I match the kiss as he keeps pounding me.

"i-im clo-" he interrupts me, "I know. I feel you squeeze down on me.....hold on for a bit longer, okay? I'm almost there..."

Easier said than done. I'm not sure how to hold it back. I take deep breaths and try to distract myself. He feels so good.

He changes the angle, hitting a spot in me that takes the air out of my lungs, a spot that makes me see starts. I was about to scream in pleasure when he presses his flat hand on my mouth. Tears pick up in the corners of my eyes. I'm so overwhelmed, but in a good way. He keeps hitting that one spot in me. I whine and moan against his hand. I can see him smirk at me. Sweat drops off his face down his neck. "Just a little more....fuck....just a little bit..."

Just a little bit. I say it in my head, over and over again, as a mantra. Trying to hold onto dear life as he pounds me.

When I feel like I can't hold it anymore, I give him a begging look. That's all it took. He picks up the pace and aggressively fucks into me. His free hand moves between us and begins to rub my clit.

I cum.

Everything flashes. I see stars. Then I feel a warm feeling in me. He gives me a few more hard thrusts as he shoots ropes of cum into my tight hole.

While I can't move, he keeps kissing my face, my neck and my collarbone. "You did amazing, doll. So fucking good..."

He proceeds to sweet talk me again. He rubs my body lovingly everywhere and kisses me softly. He keeps praising me. Then he turns over and pulls me with him. He pulls his soft cock out of me and just gives me loving embrace after loving embrace.

"It's exactly what I said.....you are too pure...too sweet....I knew someone couldn't control themselves and just ruin you.....just didn't expect that someone to be me.....but I'm ain't complaining. The Lord will forgive me for sure..."

He rubs my head. "You should rest. Try to sleep. I'm right here."

When he says that, I can already feel how my body is drifting to sleep. My eyes keep closing until I am peacefully snoozed off, in the arms of the man that I love.

I will deal with everything else tomorrow.

Goodnight

Taglist:

@reiners-milkbiddies

©itsruki reblogs and likes are very appreciated! pls do not repost!!

[jev-urisk]

Fanart Friday: Black History Month Challenge! 🎨🎉

I'm gonna be honest here, I've been nervous to draw the Black characters in my story- I'm new to drawing in general and didn't feel like my skills were good enough to do them justice (I know, that's pretty turned around, but the mental barrier was there nonetheless 😣).

But when @creatingblackcharacters sent out a creating challenge for Black History Month and said even lovingly drawn stick figures were ok, I felt like the mental barrier moved out of the way. ☀️

So here's the very first sketches of my banshee girl Tizita from my urban fantasy WIP 7 Circles 😊

This was a great time!! I wasn't sure if I had the skill to do her hair justice but I think I did alright, and it was really fun to work on the texture! Obviously I have a long way to go, (especially with basic anatomy- oof) but in all things creative I need to remind myself that practice is what's going to get me there- I'm not going to get it perfect right away.

Some Fun Facts About Tizita! ✨️

The name Tizita is an Amharic (official language of Ethiopia) word that is akin to 'nostalgia', 'memory', and 'longing' but has a richer cultural feeling behind it (more info here). Im a sucker for names that tie into aspects of the character.

She is a banshee, and in 7C lore banshees periodically go into a hibernating state and see visions of a particular person, place, or thing which may be from the past, present, or future.

Tizita shows up in book 2, joining the protags as The Knower of Things in the party. She had her very first vision and it was a DOOZY! Almost 3000yrs of information is somehow crammed in this girl's brain.

Leading up to the hibernating and for awhile afterward, a banshees eyes and hair lighten/grey - as if the age of what they see is affecting them, or they become ghostly in their magic state. This fades afterwards, however the more you see in your vision, the less you see of the real world going forward (i.e. Tizita's eyesight is garbage now).

I want her to subvert/replace the Wise Sage character trope, who is usually an old bearded man or a woman made to seem crazy. The person turning the tide in my story is this magical autistic Black girl who likes dresses with pockets, listening to nature, and has a lot of joy in her despite the whole carrying-information-that-might-save-the-world and having-to-lecture-grown-adults-on-how-to-save-said-world thing.

For my Black followers; Not to be telling yall what you already know- but you really do deserve it all. I dont accept characters as mere checks for diversity, not for my islander or autistic characters I personally relate to, not for my Black characters even though I don't share that lived experience. Yall deserve depth! And range! And a variety of roles and traits in the characters that represent you! I intend to put in that work, and hold others to the same. Happy Black History month everyone 🎆 😊

Thanks again for the challenge @creatingblackcharacters 🫶🏼 it helped me take my first go at drawing my banshee girl.

If anyone wants to join in, I'd love to see/hear about any Black characters yall might have! 😁 But obvi no pressure 💕

@gioiaalbanoart @biblicallyaccuratefruitbat @lychhiker-writes @autism-purgatory

@cowboybrunch @zackprincebooks @smellyrottentrees @tragedycoded @the-golden-comet

@illarian-rambling @nbkuhn @ddgraywrites @desastreus @theglitchywriterboi

@shanakin-skywalker @honeybewrites @sincerelydork @the-letterbox-archives @aishwritesblog

@gioia-writes-and-others @aalinaaaaaa @leahnardo-da-veggie @asablehart +Open Tag!

[ddarker-dreams]

Hiii just wanted to say that yan anaxa fic was v tasty and u captured his special kind of crazy swag so well (also the fic itself reads v smoothly)!!

If you dont mind could u explain the way u went about it (up to u how in-depth) like i know hes not particularly difficult to see doing weird yan shit cos hes a weird guy but idk the v candid shyness at the mention of his loneliness, the denial of the divine being a key driving force to his character but willingly offering to beg/bow the reader and many others but im rambling GRAHHHH EITHER WAY UR A V SKILLED AUTHOR AND IM GRATEFUL I GET TO READ UR WORK

Have a lovely day!! <33

there's nothing i love more than an excuse to dive into the behind the scenes of a fic 👁👁 even short stories have lots of time and thought poured into them!

this excerpt from the 'as i've written — amphoreus' saga of heroes' left a strong impression on me. (unrelated, but has anyone noticed how anaxa's character card is reminiscent of the major arcana's hanged man? how fitting...) whenever i write a character for the first time, one of my first goals is identifying what makes them distinct. i try building their characterization around that.

for anaxa, this narrowed down to:

his heretical tendencies in a relatively god-fearing society

willingness to engage/debate ideas he disagrees with

history in alchemy

how he 'leans into' the theatrical rather than being a stern, distant intellectual

a tendency to never give outright answers, instead helping others arrive at conclusions for themselves through well-timed comments and guidance (e.g. castorice's story arc)

with these as my guiding principles, i felt more comfortable characterizing him. honestly there's still a lot of guesswork and pruning along the way. i toned down his condescension because it didn't feel right. i write a lot of condescending characters (looking at you, chrollo, gojo and geto), so i have to be careful to not let that seep into characters it doesn't work with 😭

another few notes regarding his characterization:

i tried leaning into his desire to cultivate knowledge in his pupils. since the start of the story is ambiguous about what exactly anaxa has done, i wanted his questions to put you, the Actual reader, in the MC's shoes by having you piece together wtf is going on. once the MC reveals his 'crimes' it's then up to you to determine how much of this (or if there's anything else) anaxa is guilty of.

if you're curious, i made it a rule for none of anaxa's dialogue to contain outright lies. he's still being shady tho

when darling says, “You must be lonely, professor" we see a change in his behavior because that hit a little too close to home. he actually finds disclosing that he enjoys darling's company more embarrassing than his verbose declarations toward the end of the story. it's just a little too intimate, hence his rush to move on by bombarding darling with his unhinged nonsense.

i hope this is what you were looking for ,, thank you so much for your kind words and interest in my writing!!!

[bark-ing]

For u @queermoons some angsty moontail that i cooked up last september when i first got into this fandom :p

Peter who asks remus what books he's reading and remus who takes time to explain in depth about the plot or wtv, and Peter is awestruck cuz no one ever expects him to get things and remus simply explains it to him like theyre at the same level.

Peter who tells remus "you could be a teacher" the thousandth time remus helps him understand their history homework. Renus who reads to peter but then explains in his own words what the topic is about because peter has always found it too confusing to read- too many words on hundreds of pages that only made him feel lost but when moony explains it it suddenly has structure.

Peter and Remus who become very good friends, who talk a lot about books because remus always reads them to peter bit by bit and pauses to explain stuff or just to talk it out with peter. They spend a whole night once over some muggle novel peter got off his older sister, huddled under blankets and sitting on pillows on the floor by the fire. The other half of the marauders find them cuddled into each other the next morning, and when remus wakes up his voice is all hoarse and fucked uo from reading abf talking for so long.

Peter and Remus who dont share beds like james and sirius do whenever sirius has nightamres or needs to talk, but who instead fall asleep on the bedroom floor, sitting across from each other.

Peter and Remus who get way too comfortable around each other, but are still so shy and distanced. Peter and Remus who constantly look at each other too long, catch each other looking and continue anyway.

Remus who figures Peter out first- who realises that his friends jealousy of janes and lily went deeper than petty best friend feelings. Remus who held peter through the times when his heart hurt too much, *wanted* too much for the other boy to see him more than a friend.

Peter who gradually shuts himself off, who stops asking about remus' books, stops leaving remus chocolates and stops talking and remus who worries and worries and only gets pushed away more my peter. Remus who has known for a small while that he feels more for peter, but he keeps quiet because he knows peter wont feel the same way. Knows that peter is too preoccupied with his feelings for james.

And Peter who becomes so angry at himself (internalised homophobia moment) and expects remus to support him in this and remus just cant because remus loves him

[batwheelblogger]

It started with 'my life was better 2 minutes ago' and ended with 'wait a minute..'

With my monster trash phase behind me i decided to leave this show alone. Until i saw this today. So lets talk a bit. There is no slander in this post, these are my honest, clean thoughts.

So, as i said, you will not see any mighty monsterwheelies slander from me anymore. I got word that MMW is getting a second season, wich is premiering sooner then scheduled, appearantly. You might expect me to ramble about how bad of an idea that is, but as i have also said before: i think this show is bad, but i believe it can improve.

Season 2 is one of the most important parts about a show. Season 1 introduces us to the characters, world and the plot. With all of those things come problems and season 2 gets the best, most direct chance to solve the problems and develop more. Season 2 is very important.

Warning: SPOILERS FOR THE TRAILER!

What did we see in the trailer?

A racetrack, the monsterwheelies on ice and Bolts in a room with walls closing in on him. I believe this show is going somewhere now, people.

Good things?

I noticed the animation definitley looks better. Its clearer, more fluent and looks sharper. It showed some interesting things like a racetrack and our characters on ice. Wich can make some good episodes.

Bad things?

Only 1: a lot of repeated scenes from season 1 and the intro.

Do i believe season 2 of MMW can be good?

Dinotrux fandom, dont come at me, but... Yes. I in fact believe this show can improve and become better. This show, despite its bad writing, has iman interesting concept and it could go ANYWHERE.

History on the monsterwheelies or on Motorvania, character development, actual very big problems, out of town rescues, there is SO MUCH ROOM in this show its crazy.

My current feelings on this show are bad/mid. Despite liking Sonnie, i still dont know how i feel about the rest of the characters. I don't know how to feel about Bolts. He doesnt really have any flaws, none of the monsterwheelies do. In season 2 maybe there will be some small character depth.

My point is, yes this show is bad, but every show can improve. My hopes are up and i really hope this show improves itself. I want to review it, i will probably do so on YT, but for now, lets wait. I have faith in this show, it has good concepts, it was just executed very poorly in season 1. I hope season 2 will do a better job.

[eueuphoriaz]

Couples and how they interact with each other in AOT.

Why do I feel that Levihan is the most wholesome relationship in the entire AOT story? Their interactions are subtly being mirrored in other romantic relationships in the story, at least romantically as seen by the characters in AOT.

So below are the pairs which I shortlisted. The criteria is that their interactions/ relationships have been teased or expressed by the characters in AOT as romantic. They may not be confirmed by Isayama himself but at least suspected by the AOT characters to be so. Eren x Mikasa is omitted because they are basically Levihan's parallel.

Of course Levihan lens is on.

I only selected 1 parallel between these pairs and Levihan because there are too many if I compile all. But do share your thoughts and observations too.

Sasha x Niccolo- first meeting

How Sasha and Hange complimented their guys' strengths, their enthusiasm and expressive emotions. How Levi and Niccolo got shocked by this and Niccolo had a blush on his face, while emotionally-constipated Levi can only respond with "................... Thanks..........."

------------------

Ymir x Historia - Childhood history and identity

Did Levi hide everything about his past to Hange? The fact that Hange knew he lived with Kenny (Nifa thought it was a joke, Kenny was even thought to be an urban legend), and Levi telling her firsthand, about him knowing Kenny's last name, shows the depth of personal things they share among each other.

Of course Yumihisu has much more parallels to Levihan. But I will just choose this one because it is unique to them.

--------------------

Armin x Annie - where are they?

Yap, always need to ask for the nerdy ones whenever they can to make sure that they are ok.

Same for Ymir and Historia too

--------------------

Falco x Gabi - Shut it!

Sometimes you just got to step in and stop your overly-energised girlfriend from getting overboard. And not forgetting that little sibling skit Gabi and Falco put up in front of Sasha's father. They must have learnt a thing or two about skits from Levi and Hange.

--------------------

Franz x Hannah - He's not dead

Of course they will never give up just like that. And we got to appreciate the couple that is so overlooked because both of them basically died even before the Survey Corp made their official appearance.

I am pretty sure that Hange did the same to Levi after she escaped.

-------------------

Marlowe x Hitch - Dont go

When Marlowe asked Connie and Sasha why would Hitch stop him, they basically just teased him and Hitch. But poor Marlowe is born with the Scouts genes down to his DNA to realise what they are implying.

And we have Levi's "行かないで〜" from the magazine editor, which basically said that Levi's last words to Hange would have been "Dont go". If only Hange didnt speak first.

--------------------

That's why Levihan is so wholesome. It is everywhere and is there.

[coqueliccott]

Genshin and hsr characters as pinned messages (out of context) from discord servers with my friends: a shitpost

(uhhh cw some nsfw jokes and cuss words)

wriothesley: "i do not want an alpha transformation happening rn "

march to danheng: "my coquette lungs are better than your emo lungs"

hu tao: *ghostly voice* "oooooogly boogly why'd you skadoodly me?"

xiao, learning how to spell: "i lvove elmo music"

childe: "he is in my feet"

klee: "yeah my grandma's actually kim kardashian"

bronya to cocolia when she got sick as a kid: "Mother please carry me outside before to see the sky one last time before the consumption takes hold of my body and soul"

hu tao: " "weenis", said eerily"

bennett: "THE SANDWHICH TOOK ME OUT"

blade: "that link is longer than my plans for the future"

serval: "i pledge allegiance to the american bra"

itto: "i am in heat growls the summer has come and i am in heat growls"

zhongli: "*old man voice* when i was your age i fought kids"

stelle/caelus: "when i was my age i eated drywall"

fu xuan: "JING YUAN ILL SNIPPERS YOU UP IF YOU DONT STOP WITH THIS GOOBEROUS SHIT"

diluc, about venti: "i like to prentend he was a fever dream i came with at 4am"

fréminet, trying to speak french: "they said Lyney tu dumbass"

sampo: "I think Luka would beat up Luka while Luka watches. and then Luka would join in and beat the living daylight out of Luka"

silver wolf, about blade: "ppl with lactose intolerance boutta have their 2nd period ongomg"

kayea and rosaria: "we're a match made in the deep dark depths of the abyssal caves in fuck knows where"

jingliu: "am i.........one of those queers........."

yanquing: "shout-out to my home dawg Charles aka history teacher for dropping this wisdom on me"

shinobu: "itto if you say anything penis related you are banned"

ayaka as a kid: ""please take me to the garden so that way i can see the shining sun for the last time before my frail body decomposes with the disease known as ligma""

lyney: "imagine Neuvillette seeing a bunch of orphans blow up infront of him"

yoimiya: "are you really friends if you dont have matching vagina bracelets ??"

wriothesley: "My name is actually marlinus maximilianus Merlin guys"

caelus/stelle: " *bites your toes playfully* "

Pompom: "i eat gender for dinner"

xiao: "is life without endless pain and suffering only for it all to end leaving nothing but emptiness and all your suffering being just for the entertainment of the entity that we call god. an entity who is the real reason as to why we humans end up hurting others, for pain and suffereing is nothing but an endless spiral no matter how hard you try."

kafka, messing with blade: "do you like the gay foot"

yanfei: "YOU CANT LET IT GO LET IT GO YOUR WAY OUT OF A RESTRAINING ORDER"

kokomi: "DEMENTED DOLPHIN"

Furina: "they oui oui'd me"

shenhe: "the cld never bothered me anywa......."

kiara: "agressive meow"

ganyu: "are you a tree cause i wanna eat you"

dainsleif: "while youre kissing you bf or whatever ill be watching in the walls"

venti: "I FART ON PLANES"

scaramouche: "childe I will shave you bald"

itto: "perry plaptypussy"

seele, in response to hook's drawing: "10/10 Einstein could never"

razor, to bennett: "I WILL LICK YOU TO SLEEP"

sucrose, about to collect more bones: "*deranged loud breathing*"

kequing, to half of liyue: "SHUT UP COLOR WHEEL"

cyno: "genderfluid people's favorite song is liquid smooth"

kequing: "the feminine urge to beat up your coworkers with a stick"

dehya: "i piss on biphobes" kaveh: "but what if they have a piss kink..."

albedo: "he looks like a failed science project"

baizhu: "blowjob? nah, blownose"

silver wolf: "story time, honkai star rail made me leave my brother at a gas station and i do not regret SHIT"

blade: "if i end this year without killing myself its a miracle"

columbina: "btw dead bodies take less space if you bury them like theyre standing up"

zhongli: " *cracks back and walks away leaving a trail of dust behind"

@muachiro @geetkk @veimwah @etherific @zohakutenstan

[lesbiandonnanoble]

hello! i dont know if there is someone better to ask but youre one of the most prominent dw blogs i can think of: are there any episodes that stand out to you in their discussion or promotion of space colonization? especially using rhetoric of "its human nature to explore" or even religous backing.

if not no worries haha, im just writing a paper and i wanted to use a scifi example!

this is really awful cos you asked this last year and i suck and obviously your paper is already written and i'm so sorry. this ask made me think about how the topic as a whole is approached in the show/the extended universe and this is sort of a poorly done summation of those thoughts.

there's a lot in doctor who to work with in terms of human/humanoid/dominant species colonisation in space. key word work, because it is very much on the shoulders of the watcher/reader/listener to draw up a complex or accurate allegory in almost every case. rather than the "right to explore," i think often by nature of needing an easy conflict doctor who goes more for the "right to utilise resources no matter where they're found, even and especially luxury resources". an example all my followers are the most likely to have seen/remember is planet of the ood. obviously this is slavery, but the abduction of a slave labour force is often part of the colonisation of an inhabited place. it's an especially on the nose critique because the colonisers in this case were physically preventing communication and the reforming of the community they colonised to exploit, but this is done on a very simple level and not extrapolated or discussed in real world terms or with real world context.

the extended universe deals with the topic of colonisation in a more frequent and usually slightly less basic way. jamie mccrimmon is a character who even in the show was (pre-doctor) living under militant colonial (british) rule. this is explored more in depth in a couple of audios; it is genuinely rarely touched on in the show. in certain companion chronicles jamie's survival of british colonial rule is discussed directly (the glorious revolution) or alluded to with parallel space colonisation plots (stuff like the edge comes to mind). c'rizz is another character from the audios who the doctor met after his community was violently colonised and imprisoned but c'rizz has sort of a very strange and very particular thing going on so i'm not really sure how much there is in terms of a colonialism discussion with him; i'm sure you could find something but again the work to find commentary on it is put on the shoulders of the audience. also in the way of extended universe, the EDAs will (like the show!) often have sort of basic space colonisation as a plot point which is not very explored or discussed or looked into beyond that it's a familiar cut and dry situation for the doctor to walk into and be the good guy. they go for this often in the show and the books, they'll pull up a complex and violent social situation and then not delve into it as a social situation (or in this case an act of colonialism) in favour of delving into it only as a plot point, if that makes sense. however I did think dreamstone moon (EDA) actually had something to say about how late stage capitalism/commodification is both an arm and heart of colonialism. i have a (very short) post about that here.

ultimately, doctor who as a creation began in the early 1960s in britain. the universal reoccurring threat that has persisted over the subsequent sixty years within the fiction of the show (perpetrated by any and all villains) is that of the fascist, the authoritarian, the idea of a world-conquering absolute dictator. the (white) british collective consciousness, reeling from the second world war, could not picture any greater evil than the global surge of fascism in the late 30s-40s. colonisation, especially with britain's history as the perpetrators, is something that held visibly less evil in the minds of these british tv writers, and that is reflected in the writing more often than not, especially in classic who. often, colonialism in doctor who is a backdrop, a setting, and not something that is examined, especially not fully, in the episode's text. it betrays something about the show and the country it came from. it is a nasty fact of doctor who and the context it rose out of.

i know i'm too late to help you with that essay but this just made me think, and these are just my thoughts. i don't know. i guess more than any wealth of strong examples when you look at colonialism in doctor who you notice the general lack of sociopolitics, realism, and empathy in any portrayal of colonialism. to pull strong, more-than-surface-level anti-colonialist narratives out of doctor who, you have to do most of the work yourself. i do think this has to do with the show being synonymous with a country that was historically the biggest perpetrator of military colonialism in the world. i don't know. it's grimly interesting in a way that puts a sour taste in my mouth.

[doll-elvis]

I AGREE SO MUCH ABOUT CHILD BRIDE. i went into it knowing nothing about the author, and in the forward shes really emphasizing how crazily obsessed she was with priscilla so i guess i was expecting it to be a sympathetic view of her😭 definitely not. what is suzzanes problem dear lord. shes so convinced and desperate to tell you that priscilla was some evil teenaged succubus out for rockstar blood. jesus christ. like girl even if she actually was who gives a shit????? same goes for currie grant. i dont care if he showed the author concrete evidence on a golden platter that he was telling the truth. hes just such an obvious sleazeball. just disgusting……. and she dedicates like 300 chapters to him saying over and over again that he fucked 14yo priscilla and that she was into it. babe they couldve had a steamy decade-long affair and NOBODY would care because he is literally just some random creep ass loser 13 years older than her. and when it comes to his attempted rape of her hes literally like “no i didnt try to rape her i just [decribes attempting to rape her]”. i really dont know suzzanes backstory but she is insane.

but uh. anyways that aside i did enjoy parts of the book for the more in depth view of the story. like suzzanne has such intense bias that really shows throughout but even with that it was still a great way to understand some of the situations a little better… i wish elvis and me was a little more detailed but i can appreciate how and why it is. and i am strangely curious about the actual nature of priscilla and curries relationship (i dont think they ever had consensual sex but i do believe he attacked her before elvis left germany and that leaves me curious as to why she still hung around him afterwards... i.e. those pictures of her to send to elvis that he took)

sorry for the huge wall of text im just.... very .. intrigued? by the book? its just so bizarre and raises a lot of questions lol.

“Currie’s like “No I didn’t try to r*pe her I just [describes atttempting to r*pe her]”

YES THANK YOU!!

if I could, in my own words, summarize the transcript of the conversation between Priscilla & Currie it would be this ⬇️

Currie: I didn’t r*pe you

Priscilla: You forced yourself on me

Currie: I didn’t force anything, you just weren’t into it

Priscilla: So you didn’t try to kiss me?

Currie: Well yeah I was trying to kiss you, you just wouldn’t kiss me back. You were very cold

again that was just my own words so not the actual transcript but that is exactly what I got out of that conversation- which is Currie denying he forced anything on her while simultaneously describing just how unresponsive she was to his advances, so THANK YOU for articulating that perfectly

He is an absolute sleaze-ball as you said, and clearly did not realize he was incriminating himself throughout that whole exchange

like even if Currie’s version of the events were true (I highly doubt it), he still committed statutory r*pe. Perhaps Suzanne and him don’t understand the age of consent but a fourteen year old girl cannot consent to intercourse, so anything he may or may not have actually done to her is still R*PE, whether she seemed willing or not. I’m completely abhorred that a biographer would give a man like that such a large platform and not only that, but agree/go with the story he tells- I’m sickened by it

and god, his reasoning as to why he wouldn’t need to r*pe Priscilla is just the most insane thing I’ve ever read ⬇️

“I had at least ten girls that I could call any night and go have sex with them,” countered Currie. “I’m not bragging—at least ten. I didn’t need to rape anybody ”

excerpt is from “Child Bride” by Suzanne Finstad

okay like?? Ted Bundy had a longtime girlfriend and yet he still went out and s*xually assaulted and murdered women… what’s your point, Currie?

what also bothers me is that Suzanne Finstad is sitting on the full audio tapes of that conversation between Priscilla and Currie, and knowing her history of misquoting people and writing things that don’t line up with other testimonies, I wouldn’t be surprised in the very least if parts of that tape have been conveniently left out, or transcribed wrong, as she converted it from audio to text

like the whole 1961 photoshoot, as you mentioned, is something that I just wish I could hear Priscilla explain for herself

Priscilla Presley and Currie Grant in 1961

It does raise the question if what she said transpired was true why would she ever want to be alone with Currie again, and better yet, why would Elvis willingly put her in a situation like that?

Especially when he was aware of the attempted r*pe ⬇️

MARTY LACKER: “There was a guy who used to bring Priscilla around to Elvis’s house some, over there in Germany. He would take her home to her parents’ place, and then he’d go back to the barracks. Well, he was a scumbag. He was using cute little girls to get into the house, to be around Elvis. And he tried to put the make on Priscilla one night when he took her home. She says in her book that he tried to rape her. But he didn’t succeed. Elvis told us about it, himself”

excerpt is from “Elvis and the Memphis Mafia” by Alanna Nash

The only explanation in my mind that makes sense is that perhaps Currie Grant was Elvis’ only remaining contact in Germany- or at least the only person in contact with Priscilla- and since he was so desperate to see her again, maybe thought that the reward outweighed the risk

And obviously a 15-year-old Priscilla was still reeling over him leaving Germany and would likely agree to anything to please him…plus since it was Elvis who asked Currie to take the photos, maybe she thought if Elvis trusted him to do that, she could trust him as well ?

And although I doubt she intended too, Suzanne inadvertently said something similar when trying to do one of those logical fallacies that she does throughout the duration of “Child Bride” ⬇️

“Priscilla, despite her claim that Currie tried to rape her, was thrilled to oblige, “desperate” for word from Elvis, through Currie”

excerpt is from “Child Bride” by Suzanne Finstad

I feel like Suzanne is basically answering the dilemma herself despite her attempt to point out the inconsistency in Priscilla’s behavior (her being afraid of Currie, but also being around him)

Priscilla was willing to be photographed by her attempted assaulter as she was desperate for contact from Elvis and Currie just happened to be that link between them

and I have to say, my original response to the ask that I received about “Child Bride” was something that I was worried about posting as many of the more passionate anti-Priscilla crowd tend to treat it like it’s their Bible but WHEW- I am beyond relieved that so many people have also seen just how outrageous that book is, especially the narrative that Suzanne Finstad goes with- like as you said, trying to make a fourteen-year-old Priscilla out to be some “teenaged succubus” LMAOOO (that took me out 💀)

I honestly consider myself to be Priscilla-neutral despite what some people assume of me based on some my posts 🤧 and so because of that, I am very open to reading and discussing the valid criticisms against her HOWEVER- I have no time in my day to take someone like Currie Grant seriously so that is why the first half of “Child Bride” (chapters about Germany and what fourteen-year-old Priscilla may or may not have done) are just what ruin the whole book for me

And it’s a shame because again, there are some very valid things that Suzanne points out about Priscilla, especially the things that were left out of “Elvis and me”; like her inconsistencies in recalling certain events, her sometimes questionable character (treatment of others), her possible greed (suing and more suing) and the biggest one to me- her involvement in Scientology… but all of that is just dampered by Suzanne’s god awful commentary and god awful judgement

also girl please do not apologize for sending this in- I sincerely thank you for adding to the conversation about this book as I think these kinds of discussions are so beneficial and I’m just truly grateful to be able to have them with y’all- I’ve fr learned so much from your guys’ insight

and since there is such a surplus of information about Elvis (and Priscilla), I feel like the best way to navigate through it all is by breaking it down like this, and so if y’all ever want to talk about another book feel free to send in your thoughts <3!!!

[iceglade]

wuk lamat could only have ever been a trans catgirl btw

1.4k words (sorry), dawntrail level 100 spoilers:

thats like the whole point when the dawntrail final arc antagonists are examinations/deconstructions the traditional gender roles. btw.

consider where mamook is in the story. consider who gulool ja ja is to tural.

ive been workshopping an essay about how a few of dawntrail's themes are connected, i think theres an in depth conversation that can be had...

95-100 cannot be separated from the cultural context that came before it , regarding the spirituality of Living Memory, sure, but also regarding legacy and filling the legendary gulool ja ja's shoes™ with mamook being where it is as the lid on a jar that was being filled the entire time to complete a jar mini ecosystem before we crack it open 30 years later in heritage found to see whats grown inside.

dawntrail doesnt go into sexism but it does go into racism, it does go into the psyche of the people who IN REAL WORLD TERMS want rich white men to be the ruling class and the people who arent traditional men who still support that concept. its all connected

like the WHOLE FIRST HALF OF THE GAME WAS ABOUT THE SECOND HALF OF THE GAME AND VICE VERSA GO BACK AND REPLAY THE FIRST PART PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. you NEED to learn about your culture and your traditions and your history and you NEED to embrace change and growth and outsider perspectives DO NOT TOSS ONE OUT FOR THE OTHER. THEY NEED TO WORK TOGETHER TO FILL THE IDEAL, REAL OR NOT, THAT YOU ARE TRYING TO FUFILL.

MAMOOK LEFT AN IMPRESSION ON ME and the solution presented was learn about one another. understand one another. know their problems. offer and accept help from outside perspectives and grow. which while neither perfect nor fully realized is a lot more than ive ever seen a video game do ever lol. history of war, lack of sunlight, difficulty with getting food, self inflicted self perpetuating community trauma, shunning outsiders, clinging to a status quo so toxic that its actively killing both adults and children - all of these are deeply, undeniably connected.

so.

i grew up in the south.. y'all know how it is!! in some places its BAD down here!!

BUILDING FROM THAT,

IMAGINE YOU LEARNED ALL THOSE LESSONS.

heritage found says okay, we did that. we listened to each other, we learned. we improved. and we did not force this growth upon anyone who didnt want it. we DIDNT abandon our culture or tradition. and STILL our problems persist!! people still die and to keep them alive we have to remember them but it hurts. it still hurts to mourn them. we are still haunted by our past and the burdens we inherited

THIS PLOT IS SOOOO STEEPED IN REAL WORLD CULTURAL PHENOMENON. BTW. THE SENSITIVITY READERS ARE OWED A CUT OUT OF EVERY DOLLAR SQUENIX GETS OFF OF THIS FOR THE REST OF TIME. AAGHH

CAUSE THIS COULDVE BEEN SO BAAADDDD , AND INSTEAD, I LOVVEEEED IT

idk...!!!!! i love living memory as an escalation of the idea that if they're remembered they never really die, but it hurts to remember. (GO BACK AND HANG OUT WITH THE YOK HUY RIGHT NOWWW) this is something real world people live by. was talking abt this with some friends and one of them mentioned living memory's color scheme "being the same orange being associated with ofrendas" in the same conversation where we were just. absorbing how deeply horrifying uploading your loved ones' memory to the cloud os (the wording used was, "the excision of memories of the dead"). one youtube comment said its like playing records of the dead and imagining they're alive again. i am haunted by erenville and graha - "i dont wish they were here again, i just wish they never died"

living memory is "if they're remembered they never really die" twisted to its illogical extreme.

the weight of that spirituality is no mistake. and shutting it down because is SUCH an ethically devastating thing to have to do even on top of your friends' parents passing on and you thinking the place was idk pretty or something (cause it rlly was) what the fuck what the fuuck

theres so much in this expansion about learning about and respecting other cultures and offering aid when its hurting others and themselves

which like makes me nervous for the patch quests btw because we need to talk about, that, vs , this is how we honor our dead

we had to shut it down because it was an active threat and was going to go nuclear but that was how they honored their dead

but i do trust this story. so i look forward to it.

all this to say i think it would be a misstep to have us go "hey dont do the soul thing do this instead". just as much as it would have been a HUGE misstep to have us be the protagonist of this expansion instead of lamat'yi.

AND FOR THE RECORD WUK HAD TO BE THE PROTAGONIST OF DAWNTRAIL FOR THIS REASON. I STAND BY THAT.

fuuuck, flaws and all, i love this game.

i have more to say about sphene and zoraal ja hold on this is all relevant to the original premise trust me.

SO YEAH.

but yeah its no surprise that

1. sphene, a traditionally feminine uwu perfect angel princess queen of REASON

2. (erenville voice) Zoraal Ja, The Warmongerer, Mine Is The Power Mine Is The Path, I Must Surpass My Man-The-Textbooks-Teach-About Father burnt out gifted oldest child king of RESOLVE

are DIRECTLY IN OPPOSITION to

1. wuk lamat, catgirl naruto young and dumb shonen protagonist with a big heart and an open mind warrior princess vow of RESOLVE

2. and koana, emotionally reserved well-studied STEM club vp advanced placement poly catboy vow of REASON

there are people who do not fit the stereotype who are suffering trying to achieve it who want it to end, and then there are people who Double Down.

regarding everyone who lives in tuliyollal and the extremely diverse area of tural, it cannot be stressed enough how Gulool Ja Ja is the guy they write the textbooks about. he is the perfect adventurer who traveled the world and united the people. in the context of the story he is the man on the cover of the fantasy novel ripped shirt rippling abs two swords and all. imagine being his gifted full of potential son ON TOP OF how insane being an oldest child makes you PLUS The War thats why zoraal ja is like that.

i love love love sphene. sphene is using zoraal ja. shes based off of the ideal of the sweet beloved disney princess/queen. she was using his agency like a weapon and her lack of agency as a shield and when he turned against her own people , which he said very clearly that he would do, wuk tells her that she needs to actually help the people she loves and do what she can do, and she interprets that from there - it just so happens that "true to herself" puts her in direct opposition to the person who was encouraging her to be that way.

for the homestuck fans shes a muse and hes a lord IM BEGGING YOU DONT CLICK OUT PLEASE LET ME FINISH MY SENTA

WUK AND KOANA WILL NOT FILL THE SHOES OF THE IDEAL MAN LEADER IN THE EYES OF THOSE WHO WANT A MORE TRADITIONAL LEADER UNTIL THEY MARCH UPON THEIR CASTLE AND STRIKE THEM DOWN WITH THE SAME HATRED THAT THEY STRUCK THE PAST GENERATION DOWN, zoraal ja says, in no uncertain terms

and zoraal ja is wrong.

they repel the second attack on tuliyollal because they ask for help. wuk DOES get a good hit on zoraal ja in heritage found. and zoraal ja throws away the ultimatum he himself delivered by throwing away his army, kidnapping his son, overdosing on aether, and leaving the moment its clear that brute force is not going to take wuk lamat's community away from her.

and sphene cant use him as an excuse anymore.

sphene was programmed to do ANYTHING to accomplish an infinitely increasingly difficult goal. she who cursed me with this soft and powerless nature. my desire to protect my people transcends all others. is there no way to make peace with tuliyollal? if it were you, could you have found a better way? i cant bear to lose them - not again!

there will only ever be more dead, forever.

i rlly want to go into that but its a completely separate topic for another time i just.. love these characters. i love what theyve done with this place.

but no parts 1 and 2 are the same part. dont discard tradition, dont reject innovation. wuk lamat put it best

@ bakool ja ja

@ sphene

what do YOU want? beyond the stereotype your community wanted you to fill?

[sammy--moh]

A random ramble about my identity, modern queer community and queer history bc I'm hyperfixated

(I don't want slur discourse under my post. I reclaim words that have been directly used to oppress me only and only towards myself, that's where the conversation ends)

(Cis/Hets don't touch this post

Terfs especially don't even look at this post

Anti kink fuckers don't look at this post, kink and LGBT are separate things but you cannot untangle kink history from queer/LGBT history

If your against the use of the word queer, don't clown on this post

Queer cis people are free to interact and add their opinions but don't clown on this post

Trans people and queer punks and activists please interact <3

Any corrections are welcomed as long as their constructive)

So you could probably find a few posts of me talking about some of my more modern and neo/xeno identity labels, its something I'm fairly proud of I'm a neo pronoun user and have been out as a nonbinary man for a long time

But I don't think I talk about my more, I guess classical and older queer labels and that feels disingenuous because I do still love queer history and have a lot of what would be considered ""outdated"" identieies

Yeah I'm a neo user and have some xeno gender labels, and I'm T4T which as far as I know is a label thats been around a long time but its still common and normally used today

But im also just a gender nonconformist(sometimes i use and reclaim the words transexual and transvestite just to piss off cis people who say i cant), i unapolgetically reclaim the word f4g, im in the leather community, I'm a fem man, im a cub, all things that have been around maybe since the 60s - 70s that I/still/ find connection to, comfort and community in

I mean hell I usually consider myself to currently be in a masc 4 fem relationship which you'd probably never guess by just looking at me

Which is another thing! Why is it always assumed that cubs and bears are the mascs?? I think I have more traditionally feminine clothing and presentation then most of my twink friends, I am a big, fat, extroverted, hairy cub and I am still the fem in one of my relationships and very feminine and fem presenting in general

Obviously masc 4 fem is not the only kind of mlm and wlm relationship that's stupid sndnd and expecting it is heteronormative, some people are masc 4 masc,fem 4 fem, heck not everyone /likes/ traditional masc fem labels and that's awesome!

Another thing I don't see a lot of people talk about is the fact that the bear and cub community is objectively a body positivity movement, that's what it started as that's what it always will be

Bear culture was a reaction to the beauty standards of gay culture at the time, when the ideal in gay relationships were young, thin, conventionally attractive gay and bi/multisexual men

Bear culture was specifically made to appreciate, lift up, and love large, hairy,sometimes older gay and bi/multsexual men and cub culture branched off from bears

I'm gonna be honest, I am recovering from a few body image issues and disorders that I wont go in depth on, and bear + cub culture has helped me to love myself and my body and find myself attractive more than any other body positivity space! Not to say other body positvity spaces arent important and needed, but that as a queer trans man this one has been the space I felt the most welcomed in

I wish there were a few expectations we could leave behind, like the idea that bears and cubs only date other bears and cubs, that terms like bear, twink, otter, leather gay, ect are gay exclusive and not just mlm and nwlnw terms, that fem and masc culture are gay and lesbian exclusive (dont come at me there are several moments in history we see these terms used by bi and generally queer men and that show masc and fem culture in bi and generally queer spaces)

I wish I could find more people like me in history, trans men who weren't masc, transmen and transmascs that were unapologetically feminine, I want to find transman queens in history, trans gay and mlm men, it's hard to find.. but I'm almost positive there has to be at least some people like me in queer history

But in general there's so much we can learn and keep from older queer culture that I feel has been lost a lot with younger generations

I love modern queer culture and neo/xeno labels and communities ans MOGAI and the breakdown of gender norms and sexual expectations

But im also unapolgetically a fem, leather loving, kinkster, trans fucking, fat cub, cross dressing faggot

All of these things are me

You cannot untangle or separate these identieies and labels from /me/

There are riots and loss in my history, and there is raw, unapolgetic queer beauty as well. there is pride in my veins, and fight in my lungs, and I wouldn't trade any of it for shit

[ciderjacks]

feeling a bit insane about the puppet s5 finale again….there’s something about the meteor hitting the earth being described as “the end of history” but i dont know how to put it into words.

its just like. like i dont know if heartbreaking js the right word. but like. cause for many of the species on earth then it was the end of history. that was it for them, they were wiped out by the meteor and subsequent environmental changes. the entire earth changed afterwards. and then them ending the song saying “we’re history” and the double meaning of like “we’re gonna die” and “we’re literally history and in a million years theyll find our bones and learn about us.” and how that parallels wifh “the end of history”

Like its the end for the dinosaurs, but its the beginning for life on earth as we know it today. the end of an era and the start of a new one. death and rebirth. idk if that was intended but if it was shane madej i need to study you and also shake your hand and also talk to you for 8 hours in depth about your puppet show .please.

[pocket-gems]

I really like your gem species pages a lot, and as someone who is thinking about making their own, is there any advice you can give for making one? Thought process, how to format it all, what to include at all costs, etc. etc. :D

Oh shit i um. Be patient? I usually use the SU wiki as a reference of how should i word and describe things. I still dont fully know how to do things, im messing around and finding out.

I change/delete what i think its not important. Sodalites. History? Its an species, im chaguing it to role. I ate the story. My must include are role, rank, size, abilities and gem cut. Gem with no role? Gem with no purpose, unfinished. That kind of logic, you know?

Corrupted form is like a fun bonus that i leave abandoned in the corner. So is the voice actor but thats either really annoying to figure out or really fun. You can make your oc be voiced by anyone and thats hilarious.

Sometimes I add bases as a "how would this gem look if it was skinny/fat/overcooked" because I think it adds depth but sometimes im too lazy to sketch it 😔

I think its important to keep the writting as neutral as possible and thats probably what i keep in mind the most. Not "professional" just "good enough" for my brain to be satisfied haha

Good luck! I love seeing others gem species :0

[redstrewn]

I have a vere theory!! So i was thinking,, why did the senobium even chain him? They dont rlly seem to care for ppl’s lives at all so why “protect” them via chaining him right? Its already established that he has this special access to the truth, and since the senobium wants to have a monopoly on info this is a major threat. Here’s my theory: the chain doesnt just keep him from harming humans (implying mc isnt human?) but also from having him speak the truth! Remember what ais said? Yea i think its the collar doing that. Every “truth” he gave us was so convoluted that the collar couldn’t have picked up on it i think.

Aside from having chronic liar syndrome™️ and chronic fucking with people syndrome™️ as a fox spirit I can see this happening.

Back on my flower bs

Vere is old as shit like Kuras, and if Vere's flower is anything to go by, the two could very well have had something to do with "the ancient Senobian ritual gone wrong." Origins of the flower are unclear, so maybe attempts to obfuscate history has been done by the Senobium. If we take the flower to symbolize Vere himself, we could connect the fact that Vere was "born from the depths of the Shroud" to the appearance of the flowers as resulting from the emergence of Fogfall.

Considering the other origin idea that the flower is borne from the "spilt blood of a scorned lover" and Ais mentioning Kuras probably was close to others but "got burnt," Kuras's long history with Vere may involve priveleged Senobian information. Other fans have also talked about how Kuras probably imprisoned Vere himself.

ANYWAY what I mean by all this is that Vere likely knows a lot of shit about the Senobium so yes, I totes agree that the collar and chain could be silencing him as well.

Vere explains that he got imprisoned simply because he's the best at killing. But when others talk about why he might have been imprisoned it's kind of vague: "whatever he did was bad enough" or shit like that. Now this could just be the others respecting that "information is currency" rule and knowing that divulging too much about others could bite them back in the ass; but considering Vere's words are a hit or miss, it's not unreasonable to think that there's more to his imprisonment than simply being a valuable killing machine for the Senobium's enemies and pests.

Also I just reread what you said and yes. Yes. My dumb fucking ass. Of course. My brainless ass totally forgot about Vere's literal SOUL READING ability that grants him access to EVERYTHING about a person. Of fucking course. That IS a power the Senobium concerned with control over information would go insane about wouldn't it. God damn. In a world of secrets that is fucking OP. OF FUCKING COURSE. [SHAKES YOU BY THE SHOULDERS] YOURE SO FUCKING RIGHT I WAS SO BLIND.

Anyway. YES. YES TO EVERYTHING.