#i dont want to ramble too much im sure im sounding silly as is

[todayisafridaynight]

HAVE BEEN ROTATING Y7 ARAKAWA IN RGGO ARAKAWA'S DRIP IN MY MIND FOR AEONS YOU SEE THE VISION....................

Listen. I think. I think it would work. I think we could've still won. The physics probably would've been a pain, but if I think about it as an echo of the red iin his costuming in the play at the start, and link it back to how the plot of the play comes to represent part of his life, it would [unintelligible]

But no for real, the sliver you can see of the snakeskin on Jo and the fact it's the lightest thing you can see on his whole outfit feels purposeful. It's still incredibly funny to me that whole thing was treated as a twist at all. But.

And the progression on account of the timeskip is sick too from a symbolic perspective. It's things like the 2019 tie having the exact same pattern as in 2000, but it's also now the only real color in his entire ensemble, the purple from his shirt relegated to the tie and the pink completely gone. Hanging on to the past (although I guess this is more RGGJo's thing), forcing his "self" into a smaller and smaller space, that kind of thing. If we go with Sololiquy for a moment, maybe there's also something there about things being livelier when Ichi was around, for better or worse.

All the leather is ostensibly much more luxurious, befitting of his rise in status, but it's also burying him further in these additional layers of security. The gloves DO pull it together, and they also leave him basically completely covered-up from head to toe, which I can't help find fascinating.

So, you know, he looks sick with the gloves on, but there's also a different Flavor when recognizing he had them on the first battle when he was hiding so much from Ichi, but in the second battle, where he hopes to come clean, he's bare-handed ("Ichi-vision" notwithstanding).

And I think it's also worth recognizing that the gloves would've offered some protection when he went to grab the blade, but he grabs it anyway in his bare hand. With the amount of force you apply when you swing a blade and it actually connects, that'd hurt him just as bad, but it shows he's past the point of caring about what happens to him even before he says so. (I still think we should've probably seen his hand cut and bleeding when out of Ichi-vision, but y'know.)

Much to think about...

NO I SEE YOUR VISION I SEE WHERE YOU'RE GOING they could've done that.... true the physics would've been a pain but I think we can trade some of the effort that went into The Bread and put it towards the scarf and coat.....

The evolution of Jo's outfit in conjunction with the surrounding environment and circumstances really is mad interesting, and as someone who really enjoys 'storytelling' (idk if that's the exact word rn but i aint ever been good with words in the first place) through character design/wardrobe. Any note I coulda said you've already said for me, yet I still wish I had some more words to express how much I love the changes in his outfit and how it reflects himself and the story at that particular point 😷

[reidmania]

hi!! i saw you taking request so here is an idea :)

fem!reader and spencer in an established relationship and they really love each other but they get into a fight. they both say things they dont mean so reader rushes out and while driving away she feels sorry and calls spencer but it goes to voicemail. she starts to send him one saying how sorry she is and that she loves him but is cut off with a loud crash. spencer gets the voicemail and hears about her car accident and rushes to hospital, you can end it however you want hahah. im sorry if this is too much but i feel like you are the only one who can do justice to this <33

guilt ridden | spencer reid

summary ; reader and spencer get into a silly argument that ends in hospital trips and a lot of apologises.

warnings; fem reader, established relationships, arguments, cm things, car accidents and hospitals, arguments, spencer being an ass and reader also being an ass which is all forgotten when things get serious, kinda rushed. angst, happish ending, hurt x comfort kindaish.

an; im sorry this took me so long and im sorry if its horrible. i really just wanted to get this one out of the way bc i rlly enjoyed the idea!!

“I’m sorry, I’ll be back in the morning at some point so I don’t want you to worry and I know you will probably be pissed right now and that okay— You should be. I am too, but I am sorry. I didn’t mean it — I shouldn’t have said it but it was just, in the moment I wasn’t thinking.. Im sorry Spence. I love—”

There was the sound of a gasp, then a bang and then it was silent for a minute until the voice message ended itself. The sound sent goosebumps along Spencer’s arms and sweat to build up over the back of his neck as anxiety made its bed in his stomach.

His entire body went cold as he stood in the kitchen — The same place he had been standing when the stupid argument took place before you grabbed your keys and walked out, muttering how if he was that sick of you, you’d get out of his way before the door slammed behind you.

He had thought about following you and telling you to stay but in the moment he was just angry. So angry. Not even entirely at you, just everything.

He had just gotten home from a case after being away for a week — a case where they couldn’t save the victims. It was one that affected Spencer more than he wanted to admit, all he wanted was to come home and shower.

Then he got home and you immediately hugged him and rambled on about how you missed him and normally — any other time he would adore the feeling of your arms around him, he would breathe in your scent and breath it back out before going on about the case.

This time was different, everything was too much. The grasp of your arms made his body tense rather than relax, your scent was suffocating mixed with the smell of the food on the stove and the candle lit in the living room. It was all just too much.

Not because it was you, there was nothing wrong with you. It was just the day built up, and it was too much for him.

So he pushed you away and began his way to the bedroom wordlessly, where he showered, and eventually came back a little more relaxed — only now you were the one in the bad mood.

Which ended in an argument between the two of you, you called him childish and immature, he called you suffocating and needy.

Neither of you meant it.

But that didn’t stop the hurt that seeped in and the tension that grew between the two of you. Until you were shaking your head telling him to go fuck himself, grabbing your keys and walking towards the front door.

Spencer regretted his words almost immediately when the door slammed shut and didn’t open again. He didn’t mean it but he couldn’t bring himself to follow you yet — he needed to calm down and he was sure you did as well.

He didn’t ignore your call, not on purpose. He was unpacking his stuff when his phone rang from where he had left it in the kitchen. Finding it ten minutes later to hear the voice mail you left, well he had never felt a more intense ache in his chest.

Something was wrong, seriously wrong. He tried calling again and again to no avail as the call went straight to voicemail every-time. He texted you as well.

He was in his car moments later, driving to the nearest hospital because if you were anywhere — it would be there. He heard the ambulance sirens on the way and they did nothing but build the tension in between his muscle and bones.

It wasn’t until an hour later of waiting and pacing around in the hospital waiting room that someone came to tell him that you were here — stable, but in a lot of pain.

He had never felt something like this. Every bit of his mind went blank as walked fast towards the room the nurse had directed him to. His knees felt like jelly and he felt sick to his stomach.

That sick didn’t compare to the one he felt when he saw you lying in the hospital bed, fading in and out of consciousness, a doctor by your side. You were bruised and bloodied and Spencer didn’t think he could stand for another minute as his legs carried him towards the chair next to your bed.

“Honey.” His voice came out a gasp.

But all the same concerned and guilty. Your head turned slightly towards the sound of his voice and he was almost sure his heart broke at the sound of pain that left your lips when moving.

“Spence” You were hardly audible, voice small and so quiet, full of hurt. Genuine pain, you were in genuine pain that you wouldn’t have been in if Spencer had just pulled his head in and didn’t act like an absolute idiot.

It was hard to think about the argument now, how it felt like everything at the time and nothing now. His hand reached out for yours as he tried to ignore the tears that burned in the back of his eyes.

“Im so sorry” He mumbled out. It didn’t even begin to describe the amount of guilt he felt burnt into his stomach, and every inch of his body. He felt sick to his stomach and was almost sure he was going to throw up. “Im so sorry- God Im sorry” He couldn’t help the series of apologies that streamed from his lips, still they didn’t even slightly cover the blame he took in his mind.

“Spence” You said again, almost as if you were unable to say or think about anything else. Despite the pain medication that you had been given — everything hurt.

“Im right here— Im right here.” He repeated, moving the chair in closer, he saw a soft sigh leave your lips despite it being so quiet he couldn’t hear it. He saw your eyes closed and for a moment he genuinely felt his heart break and drop, until they opened again.

You squeeze his hand slightly, it was soft and gentle, all the energy you could muster up put into doing so. “I know. Im sorry” You apologised and it hurt Spencer.

It genuinely made him feel pain in his stomach that you were lying in a hospital bed in an abundance of pain and yet — apologising to him for an argument that seemed so insignificant now.

“Don’t.” Spencer shook his head.

“Don’t apologise, I was an ass— I deserved it. you- You didn’t deserve this. God please don’t apologise.” He almost begged.

The words died on your tongue. Whatever you were going to say now a second thought as you realised Spencer was going to drive himself insane with the guilt and blame of this.

“Its not your fault.” You huffed out.

It was enough to sooth a small part of Spencer’s mind, your voice outweighing the one in his head that held him responsible. Your comfort the one he needed. His hand squeezed yours back.

“I love you — So much. You aren’t suffocating or needy in the slightest.” He felt the need to let you know. God if something happened to you and the last thing you’d heard him say was that he thought you were something— anything other than the most important person in his life and the one who he turned to for everything, the one person he truly loved and adored

Well he would never forgive himself

“I love you” You muttered back weekly, shuffling over on the hospital bed despite the pain that coursed through your body in doing so you made room for him. “Lay with me?” You asked.

He huffed something out before shaking his head, standing up and lowering himself onto the hospital bed. He was careful of your injuries and any pain you may be in as he wrapped his arms around you.

“I love you” He repeated as he placed a soft kiss on the corner of your shoulder. It made a sigh leave your lips, before turning your head to face him.

“I love you.”

[sparkys-ec-corner]

I!…think my ask got eaten, so can u please ramble hanselandgretel content and headcannons at me that would be Great

a..haha. actually it wasn't but i held it back cuz the heat's draining me of motivation + other stuff (the lore of hitoyama's new len&miku duet is literally sending me,,,,, waaa) + i wasn't sure if you meant "main hc h&g" or "tbi h&g"

(although they overlap a lot, there's certain aspects of tbi h&g that are just different from main hc h&g, so......)

(alas, i wonder if there's anything else i can ramble about that i haven't rambled before, and i worry about talking about the same things over and over again 😭)

[alicenpai]

hi! ive been a big fan of your work for a while now, and i was just wondering if you have any tips or anything for selling merch online? :>

hi anon! so you want to be a con artist huh 👁👁 ...

^ a real con artist..

i’m not sure if you wanted online specific tips or general merch tips, but i compiled a bit of both! (also not sure if you're a beginner to art in general, there's a difference between a more experienced artist doing merch for the first time + beginner artists trying merch for the first time bc the risks involved are different)

i wrote more on the subject but i cut some out because it seemed too long.. and i tend to ramble ^__T it's hard to answer questions like these because they're so generalized, but if you had any more specific questions feel free to send another ask!

^ random image for visual interest

general tips for beginners(?)

merch can be fun, and it is! but in the end always remind yourself you're running a business, and it's real money you're going to be spending. it's good to take risks (on things like, new product types if you think your art is ready for it, or less popular series/more experimental designs, etc.) as you learn a lot from them, but always think over financial decisions carefully at the same time.

what helped me grow a lot as both a merch artist (and as a general artist) over 10 years is - a lot of reflection. and i mean a LOT of it. in terms of art in general i don't personally do a lot of studies (which is probably my downfall and i need to get back to it) but i think im pretty observant and introspective which helps me improve a lot. i often write my silly little blog posts on tumblr, I'll write notes on my phone if i have a train of thought i need to get down quickly.

i also often discuss merch things with friends and it really helps to get varying perspectives. (though i admit i should really share wips more, i used to but not as much anymore. blame the working life haha, not as many people have time to discuss non-work art anymore ;_;). all of these things keep me on my toes and weigh my strengths and weaknesses. if anyone is interested i could write more on the specific topics i reflect on after every con/shop opening.

stick to the tried and true 5-10 copies per design for beginners! this range sounds too little, but don't forget the big picture as well... you'll likely also have multiple different designs, across different product types.

e.g. 5 copies x 4 characters/designs, and let's say you do this for every product type (e.g. postcards, stickers, charms), 5 x 4 x 3 = 60 individual pieces of merch. that's a pretty solid number for a first timer!

i also personally print 5-10 copies of designs im doing for a test print run, or for characters that don't seem particularly popular.

15 is the average amount for me for a short run product (1 con season)

i certainly reprint often + go higher sometimes if i dont mind the product being in my catalogue for years.

15 is not too many in case the design is unpopular and doesn't sell, and it's also not too little that it won't be enough sales to break even.

promo images & taking photos (online specific)

i'm not a professional photographer and these photos might be absolute ass to some people. i will accept that, and honestly id agree with you. this is just my advice for straightforward, simple photos.

good quality and clear photos are best. it's great fun to use props in photos, and they can certainly turn your photos from plain to impressive. but it's easy to get carried away with props and fancy scrapbook paper imo, and i prefer to let the artwork speak for itself. honestly keeping it simple can be the best option sometimes. i used to take a lot more photos back in 2022 when i had less new products, but nowadays i find that i have too many products to take photos of, so i prefer to just keep my photos simple with a white piece of paper as my backdrop. i just. shrimply cannot be bothered taking out all of the props anymore...

above: the backdrop in this photo is bad, it's distracting and takes away from the artwork. (fe charms from 2016)

this are photos taken on a sunny day.

if you don't have a good phone camera (mine is ~5 years old), ive found that taking photos on a sunny day, either inside or outside, work great for me, as it shows off the natural colour of your product best. i either take it to the garden or i like to find a patch of sunlight filtering through the window. be wary of glare or too much light reflecting on your merch in photos though, because it can be distracting and take away from visibility on the product. but i can understand if a bit of glare ends up on one's finalized merch photos.

this is an example of utilizing light at a certain angle to show off the holographic film on this charm.

sunny photo vs cloudy photo.

taking photos inside on a cloudy day during daylight hours is also a popular option, especially if you live in an area where there isn't much direct sunlight/cloudy season, but for me personally i find cloudy day photos come out a bit dull and do take a bit of colour correcting. all of my cloudy day photos are tweaked and i find the colours to be a bit off from the original products, but that's just how it is with taking photos i guess.

because i don't have a great phone camera, my personal alternative is to make graphics! i just think of it as a collage to use fun textures and PNGs! im obviously not a professional, and these probably look very bad in a professional's eye. but i think it's fun. i like to incorporate the aesthetic or visual style of the series into the graphic if i do make em. ^_^

store platform

each one has their pros and cons. many store platforms have trial periods/free plans for people to try out.

bigcartel is what i use and i'm familiar with, and i would honestly recommend it. (i'm too lazy to move or try another platform right now...) for big store openings ill pay for a month or two of the basic $15 plan. ill use the free gold plan on bigcartel if im only planning to open my store for a limited time and don't want to commit to a full monthly plan.

storenvy: i've used storenvy from about 2014-16. i moved from storenvy for issues such as charging customers fees for purchasing from storenvy's marketplace page (and not from your actual personalized storefront) and urging me to use stripe even though it wasn't supported in canada at that time. im not sure if theyve fixed these issues but they were pervasive issues at the time that honestly forced me to quit. it also has a kind of outdated UI (e.g. can't zoom into pics on mobile?).

i think storenvy is a very easy to use platform for beginners because it's very basic! but i wouldn't recommend it if you have a great number of products, or if you're looking for more advanced features.

tictail isn't available anymore, i couldn't recommend it for that reason. i used it from around 2016-18.

i don't have any experience on shopify or etsy. shopify i heard is great because of all of the neat features you can implement, which you can use to really make your store yours. etsy has a huge marketplace which helps discoverability, but i have also heard there are many fees, so a lot of artists unfortunately make their prices a bit higher on etsy.

ecwid is also one that i've heard pop up. some also host shops on weebly or squarespace.

shipping

if you don't already have a kitchen scale, it's a good idea to get one if you think you'll be using it a lot to weigh packages! a postage scale is probably better. i just have a kitchen scale because it's cheap. as long as the measurements are precise (don't use a bathroom scale with a dial like me when i started out lmao).

thermal labels are also a good investment if you think youll need em!! i actually don't personally use them, because i have way too much hand-me-down stacks of paper in my home, so i don't see the need to make an extra investment. the downside to printing shipping labels on paper is taking the time to cut and stick them on packages.

i'm from canada (surprising the amount of people who think im from the US T__T) so these tips will be canadian specific, but you can hopefully get the gist.

when i was starting out, i used canada post (usps is the american equivalent) to send out store orders. however shipping labels from your govt post office can be pricey. which is why it's a good option to join their small business program if they have one, where you'll receive discounts on shipping labels. i don't use canada post shipping anymore, but i will use them for countries that my shipping agent doesn't ship to.

also take advantage of their free shipping tuesdays for domestic packages in october!! i believe you can receive 2 free labels per tuesday, up to 4 or 5 tuesdays for the entire month = 8-10 free labels in october.

next step is shipping agents!! if you live close to a chitchats or stallion express facility, they're great, and they usually provide tracking on shipping by default. in my opinion, tracking on orders is a MUST, so customers can have peace of mind! (minus like sticker-only shipping because that could be sent with postage stamps)

they also do home pickup if you have a bunch of packages in bulk/can't get to a facility. i believe americans have pirate ship.

you print and stick on your shipping labels at home, then you just travel to the shipping facility and throw your packages in the right bins (e.g. domestic, US, international). that's it! easy as pie!

i personally use chitchats because that is closer to me. i had heard stallion provides better rates for international shipping, which i'll have to look at at a later date.

most of my orders come from the US and canada. (funnily enough it is unfortunately cheaper to send packages from canada to USA, than it is for me to send packages within canada.) international orders are a bit of a pain, and you will need to know tariff codes for your product types (e.g. prints have a diff code than buttons) while writing the customs form. people in some countries will get taxed on all imported packages (e.g. packages marked as "sold goods" and not "gifts"). an alternative to this is to use etsy, so that customers can pre-pay for the tariffs before the order is processed. this is something i'll also look into for the future.

posting

wow now you're now done organizing your shop and promo images and you're ready to post! a good strategy is to post across multiple platforms to see what sticks. it takes effort and time but it can have a solid turnout! (i forget sometimes, don't be like me)

i don't know if this is true, but a lot of keywords words such as "shop", "store", "link" and etc. are apparently suppressed on social media (particularly twitter). don't take my word for it however.

shop posts don't generally do as well as regular art posts for most artists. but disregarding censored words for a second, it can also be attributed to psychological reasons, generally people don't like to be advertised to. (e.g. tumblr doesn't have an algorithm and shop posts usually dont do as well here either. tumblr users are just not receptive to clicking on links apparently).

personally, writing alternate terms like "sh0p" just isn't for me, but no shade though, bc i do understand workarounds are hard and everyone needs to make a living somehow. ill instead use words like, "leftovers are in" or "new items are up!" something more vague, but with the accompaniment of merch images, will still be clear to people that it's a shop update.

sharing your shop promo posts in artist alley discord servers also help a lot, especially if you don't know too many artists when starting out. they're a great resource and community full of passionate individuals who will boost your art. if you're not familiar with them, you can find some public ones on google or maybe even artist communities on reddit. a big one is Artist Alley Network International.

if there are some topics you think i've missed, feel free to send em over to my inbox!! ill also think more about this in the coming days and edit this post as i see fit 🫡

[trafficblr-confessions]

I don't like skyblings too much, however that doesn't mean I don't like family headcanons/dynamics

Actually im a sucker for family dynamics, me and my sister both are, and love projecting on silly cubitos a lot (funny cause in this specific duo our genders are swapped)

So I present to you: Snowblings propaganda

Its Scar and Pearl!

First of all they kinda look alike, to the point I've mixed them up in fanart before, which sounds dumb but I'm so fr like actually its happened and I find that funny.

Second, I just love their duo on DL, I lowkey wished they became chosen soulmates, I mean theyre kinda paralels? But on opposite senses?? My sister knew the proper term for this. Like- Pearl got abandoned by her soulmate, and they parted ways completely, resenting eachother. Meanwhile, Scar got cheated on, but even after the betrayal and all that he stayed with Grian and didn't yknow take actual revenge like Pearl did constantly to Scott..

Headcanon section:

Also I love that they seem like- So I think if they were actually related possibly before the series and all, maybe got separated and their memories erased by the watchers? But still met again and took eachother as found family, not knowing the truth. Also, likewise to my online sis and I, I feel like Scar is older in actual age but when you see them interact its like Pearl is the older one.

Also!! Wolf and cat duo, I think thats silly.

And I think possibly they could've hang out more even if we dont see it on camera, trust... like sitting on powdered snow at night as they talk (its mostly Pearl rambling/venting/plotting chaos and Scar being supportive, possibly also making sure she doesn't freeze to death)

Another plus! Scar was a wizard on LL while Pearl got called the witch of DL! And both got villanised a lot on the seasons they won... and they both spent their whole seasons mostly alone, with a small team up at the end...

Pearl was all alone in DL and Scar helped her and kept her company when he could, even if she was unhinged and probably insisted he got revenge aswell. Scar was all alone for most of SL and Pearl still offered him a family in the end... she wanted one of her mounders to win... and he was the last one left, he *was* an actual mounder even if just for one episode, cause she could've helped Gem win, also her best friend (who I see as found cousins, also cause of my relationship with an online cousin), but she wanted her mounders to win, and thats what Scar was, not only that, Scar was her brother, her family.

Have you also considered that Scar, Pearl and Bdubs could make the best found sibling trio ever?

I just think they're the best ever, comfort duo fr..

(A bit Pluto Scar propaganda too, shot out to my genius lil sis for the arguments) Pluto has 5 moons, Scar killed 6 ppl in the finale, but the last one was Pearl who IS the moon. Except to Scar she's more than just another moon, Pearl, who wanted him to win, who offered him a place to belong to, a family, when he had no one, even if it was short lived, Pearl who understood his loneliness, a past winner who very well understood what its like to be the villain of the server, his best friend, his ally, his family.. and the last person he saw before that so called victory.

Plus! Funny quote between my sister and I that sounds pretty DL Snowblings coded:

- "wishing for the best for you and worst for them /j" (sister/scar) - "you see? this is what siblings are for! we pray on other people's downfall… but for good reasons.." (me/pearl)

Thats all tumblr, thank you ^^

.

[mxqdii]

cardigan - m.s

pairings: matt sturniolo x reader

summary: cardigan by taylor swift lyrics as matt and readers relationship (idk how to explain just read it)

warning(s): angst, fluff, some sad stuff.

not proofread

and when i felt like i was an old cardigan, under someones bed. you put me on and said i was your favorite.

i sit in my room muffling my sobs as i hear footsteps coming towards the door.

i hear three light knocks along with matts soft voice

"y/n? are you okay?" he asks and i quickly wipe my tears and clear my throat.

"yeah, yeah i'm fine." i croak out and the door slightly opens, the sight of matt filling my eyes with more tears

he sits down on the bed next to me wiping my tears as they fall

"what happened? talk to me." he says tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

"i'm no ones favorite person, i know that sounds stupid i just-" you ramble on before getting interrupted.

"you're my favorite person"

a friend to all, is a friend to none, chase two girls, loose the one.

im sitting at home when i get a text from nick saying to come to a movie with him.

i groan, feeling all comfortable in my spot on the couch when i feel my phone vibrate again.

"come on, ill pay if you drive" the text says.

i agree and get ready, pulling up to the triplets house and opening the unlocked door.

nick comes downstairs and i pause

"oh! i almost forgot, i have to get my sweater back from matt, i left it here last time" i say, walking upstairs to matts room.

i forget to knock and just open the door, seeing what was about to be a kiss between matt and some other girl.

matt jumps at the sight of me and tears fill my eyes

"what the fuck matt??" i yell

"its not what it looks like!" he says and i laugh as the tears roll down my cheek

"ohh okay, enlighten me then." i snap back and he looks down to the floor

"i just- i wanted to be sure.." he mumbles

"what?" i say, fidgeting with my rings.

"i'm just- i'm being a friend okay y/n!? i comfort you when you're upset don't i?" he explains

"okay then, tell me you feel absolutely nothing for her then, tell me i'm the only girl you like" i protest, waiting for his response

he stays silent, looking down, which is all of an answer that i need from him.

"you've just lost me matt, goodbye."

but i knew you, playing hide and seek and giving me your weekends.

i sit at the table amongst my friends, them all engaging in the conversation.

meanwhile, i'm looking at old pictures and videos of me and matt, remembering what we had.

the adrenaline, the laughter, the love.

tears brim my eyes but i push them back, not wanting to burst out crying in the middle of lunch.

i come across a video of me and matt trying not to laugh while hiding from chris and nick.

i smile as a tear falls, remembering our movie nights every weekend, our date to the aquarium, everything.

i don't wanna miss him, but how could i not?

you drew stars around my scars, but now im bleeding.

when things got rough, matt was always there. he was the one telling me it was alright, the one who got me through it all, even if it was silly little things.

"no way! i am not going" i protest and matt laughs

"y/n, you have to." he says, grabbing my hand

ive hated going to the doctor since i was little,

(which matt is very aware of.)

sadly he still wants me to go even though im begging him not to make me

(we both know he'll make me go)

"listen, i know you dont like going, but i'll be there the whole time okay? plus it's this appointment and then one more next month, and thats it."

i sigh in defeat, knowing i can't be upset when he makes it all better.

"fine but you're coming to the next one too." i say and he laughs

"its already in my calender" he says with a smile

i stare at the reminder on my phone about tomorrow's doctors appointment, remembering how matt promised he'd go to it with me.

but that was last month, and things were different then.

i feel tears fall down my face, remembering how much better things were with matt.

i go on messages and click on matts contact, debating on calling him.

i groan, putting my phone back in my pocket, driving to the appointment.

but i knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss, i knew you'd haunt all of my what if's

its been 2 months since everything, and me and matt have been texting a little bit since, thing's aren't the same, they never will be.

it'll never be like how it used to.

"matt! stop!" i say laughing

"get off!" i yell with laughter

if someone were to walk in right now, they'd see two lovestruck teenagers in matts bed.

he's currently tickling me to death and attacking me with kisses.

and even though i'm telling him to stop, in this moment, i feel like i've never been happier.

he stops his actions and his face hovers above mine, his eyes flickering to my lips

i smile, and he kisses me softy.

a kiss filled with love and passion, a kiss i'll never forget.

i knew you'd miss me once the thrill expired

me and nick have been on call for a while and somehow the topic stumbled on to matt and the girl i walked in on him with

"yeah i think matt's tired of her or something, me and chris don't really like her either" he says and my eyes widen

"what do you mean he's tired of her?" i ask

"well, he used to be more excited around her but now the most i see him smiling is when he's texting you"

nick says and my heart flutters

i can't go back to matt, not after what he did.

but i do really miss him, and i know he misses me too.

"you should start talking to him more, i know he really hurt you after what he did but i think he's truly changed, he seems just- i dont know- different." nick rambles on

"i dont know nick... after what he did, if he's really changed, he's gonna have to prove it to me." i say.

i knew you'd come back to me.

"happy birthday to y/n, happy birthday to you!" the party sings and i blow out my candles

i am happy, but i can't help but feel like somethings missing.

all my friends and family are here, everyone i know and love, everyone except matt.

i feel sadness fill my thoughts for a moment but brush it off, i can't be sad right now, not here, not today.

i watch as everyone encourages me to open gifts, agreeing while sitting down around the pile of presants.

i open them, listening to the chatter around me and the rain pouring from outside, opening all but 1.

"who's this one from?" i ask, laughing at the handwriting, but nobody answers.

i look around at everyone as they stay silent, making me look down at the writing again, instantly remembering that only matt writes his T's like that.

i smile, unwrapping the gift.

my eyes widen at the sight, its a necklace i said i wanted last year.

he remembered.

a smile, observing it, when suddenly there’s a knock at the door.

i look around, confused because everyone was already here, but still getting up to open the door.

i widen my eyes at the sight of matt, soaking wet, drenched by the rain.

"listen, i'm sorry, truly y/n. i was so fucked up for leading you on like that and then just throwing it all away, it's you y/n it's always been you. you're the one for me, and i know i messed up but i can't sit at home re-reading our texts and watching our old videos, i want you back- please i- i need you back." he says, voice hoarse from crying, tears streaming down his face.

"i-" i try to find the words to respond, but can't

i step out onto the porch where he was standing, letting the rain drench me as well.

pulling matt in, kissing him.

a kiss that will forevermore top any other kiss.

a kiss filled with need and desire, a desire to just be close to eachother again.

we pull away after what feels like forever, and he places his forhead against mine.

"you're always gonna be my favorite"

[fosermi]

since animation is literally your major, is there any details from the Sonic X Shadow generations clip we saw today that you might want to talk about?

OK SO major spoilers under the cut for the preview of the Sonic x Shadow gen prolouge

i was WAY too busy fangirling to give a proper analysis BUT when it does come out fully i might just do one, also please take note im still in my second year of studying to be an animator so these are purely my opinion. for now i can point out a few things that i genuinely want to talk about.

first thing that stood out to me was that 2D-3D style of animation, definitely something i dont think we've seen be done for the franchise before (correct me if im wrong) and it reminds me so much of RWBY in a way. There were some bits that, to me, looked choppy BUT THEN AGAIN those were the parts that needed to be choppy for emphasis reasons, specifically it was at the start where Shadow is having some sort of break down. its obvious from how choppy his movements are in comparison to the smoothness of the rest of the preview that shadow was genuinely shaking. with that 2D-3D style that choppyness looks janky as fuck but its so perfect for conveying how uptight and bottled up shadow's emotions are. its so hard to try and capture what im saying but trust me its there!!

second thing i wanna point out are the camera angles. they shift so much to serve the dramatization of the scenes and its so ✨JUICY✨like i shit you not, i cant stop staring at the different camera angles and going "oooohhh ahhhhh" and trying to rationalize the reasoning for those angles because HOLY SHIT they're so good and they actually do serve a really good cinematic purpose!! its easy for people to get lost in the changing of perspectives and camera angles but this? oh this does it so good that it actually drives the plot FORWARD instead of it seeming like separate scenes mashed together.

third thing I'll point out is the scene color shifts. when doing something cinematic, ambiance is key. so when the scene shifted from this soft and comforting blue hues

to this eerie red so suddenly with our only warning being a slight shaking of the screen??

that made it such a surprise that it gets the viewer on alert!! a good thing!!!

now i can go on and on about the different colors for each scene but let me just touch up on this one scene in specific:

it quickly goes from hopeful gold/good light to ominous black/no light, very contrasting, which can mean oh so many things... most notably; maria's hope vs shadow's resolve.

fourth thing ill touch up on are the frames where shadow runs. specifically the one where he runs out of frame from maria.

we get almost 1 frame of a model and then...

these frames here? chefs kiss, perfect. showing us just how fast shadow really is, so fast that we the light from his airshoes doesnt catch up until a fraction of a second later!!! even the glow in the doorway changes to reflect that short millisecond split.

fifth thing ill point out and its a small little thing thats making me absolutely rabid:

he fucking glows.

and yeah, sure, you can argue that its bounce light, its most probably is bounce light since its under harsh light conditions BUT if that was the case the glow wouldnt be this vibrant of a shade and it would give an aura and not specifically on his markings. just a little thing i noticed that i will get to screaming about when i post this.

last thing i wanna touch up on is the sound effects. they were just so very crunchy and pared up with the animation style?? oh it was delicious!! i have some issues with the lip sync but then again they were trying to go for an anime/western cartoon hybrid style here so its bound to be off on the lip sync.

anyway, thanks for listening to my silly ramblings, its nothing too impressive just a fangirl fangirling. now if you'll excuse me, ill go scream to the eclipse nation about glowing hedgehog.

[iiusia]

2, 3, 4, 13, 21, 23, and 24! I WANNA KNOW ABOUT YOUR OLIVIAVERSE YES YES

2. Summarize this au in 5 sentences.

im always so bad at this kinda stuff but i will try my best

olivia saves herself and tries to slowly relearn how to live. eli's been saving himself every day for years. mariam tries to keep them (and herself) together. they love each other so much :(. it'll work out, eventually.

3. Did anything inspire this au?

lichrally any story ive read that has slice of life/bittersweetness TBH!! but for the latest thing id say the line tender by kate allen / après céleste by maude nepveu villeneuve (french book saurry)

4. What is a major change you made?

this story used to have magical realism with birds as a thouroughline but i ended cutting that part out i felt like it was Too Much for this story yk... but i do wanna end up writing magical realism sometime soon

(that's why there's a bird in the parking lot in that snippet i posted a while back!!)

13. Write a lil snippet set in this verse.

thought id give a little uni arc olivia + lauren (for the first time? i think?)

Lauren pulls the headphones away from her ear. "Anybody you want to talk to?" Olivia, who's sitting on the small couch bolted to the side of the ship, gives a dismissive wave. "No," she says, still typing away furiously at her laptop. Lauren frowns and lowers the headphones to her neck. "Are you sure? It's been two weeks. No one that needs to know that you're not dead?" Olivia's fingers still, and she shoots Lauren a quick smile, all teeth. It's somewhat tight at the edges. "Nope," she says, shutting her laptop screen and gingerly setting it aside. "It's fine. I'm going to go get some fresh air. All that screentime is starting to make my eyes hurt." She leaves before Lauren can get a word in edgewise.

21. What makes you most excited about this fic?

i just LOVE writing these guys. you dont understand they live in my head so much that putting them down into words is a relief. like i just think that a dynamic like theirs is so fun to write... its about the deep love its about the loyalty its about the care its about the you-might-mess-up-sometimes-but-i-will-love-you-anyways DO YOU UNDERSTANDDDDDD

23. Do you have other ideas for how to continue this au/other fics that could be written in the same universe?

honestly the way im writing this now its kind of just disconnected scenes for fun yk so i could write Literally Anything... BUT for the sake of answering this question i do want to write more scenes for what i call the uni arc (olivia moves away for uni and everything she's tried to ignore blows up in her face)

24. Ramble about something you haven't gotten to talk about yet.

okay. honestly. been trying to figure it out but i lowkey want to make this story christian in some way?? idk like theres christian poetry there's christian fiction (mostly fantasy) but i havent ever read a christian story with These Vibes you know. i want to write a good story that is also christian!! is that too much to ask!!! i have no idea how .... honestly everything i think of sounds cringe and corny but maybe thats the like. social conditioning talking. fantasy stories have it easy because they can have magic and stuff so its easy to integrate but for this story thats like. the POINT is that its realistic and down to earth and they're all just People trying to get by. i cant really make it an allegory or a metaphor yk? it has to be real .... but then if i say "olivia starts to believe in her uni arc and becomes a christian" that just sounds silly to me!! (or maybe. again. its just that the worlds pov is that christianity is corny and silly and it could actually be good but IDK!!!)

[phanyu]

You say a casual viewer might find Dan more funny, but I don't necessarily think that's the case. I don't mean for this to sound insulting, but I think a casual viewer of a certain age would find Dan more funny. By that I mean...young tweens, teens and early 20s. Especially at their peak. I think Phil is funnier to older adults. I'm not CERTAIN that's the case but there's a few reasons why I think this. 1. I've noticed older phannies tend to gravitate towards Phil more and prefer his humor. 2. Years ago I came across a video where someone showed their teachers Dan and Phil videos and had them react to them. The teachers all looked to be in their early-mid 30s. Maybe late 20s. They did not find Dan funny at all, but they laughed at Phil's videos and were really surprised when the student told them that Dan was the more popular one. I think Phil could succeed in comedy if he marketed himself to an older crowd who appreciate that dry, slightly silly, British style of humor. Like I could see him becoming a regular on a show like Task Master or Would I Lie to You. Dan's comedy is in a really weird spot where it's not really appealing to Gen Z bc it's too millennial but it's also not appealing to millenials or older adults bc he's trying to be too Gen Z. I agree with you. I don't feel like his talents lie in stand-up comedy. You know what I think Dan would REALLY be good at? Motivational speaking. He is SUCH an amazing public speaker and he has this unique ability to inspire people by sharing his personal struggles. He's also a really good storyteller. I'm not sure that Dan will ever be able to find mainstream success as a writer or a comic tbh. It's not that he doesn't have talent, it's just that his skills are a bit underdeveloped. I think that if Dan really wants to be a stand-up comedian, he can't keep playing to crowds of adoring fans who already love him and love what he does regardless of if it's actually good or not. He needs to humble himself and go do gigs at small clubs to an audience that doesn't know him. I can't really see him doing that though. He's really bad at taking criticism and he doesn't seem like he's willing to do what it takes to promote himself to a new audience. This has become a bit of a ramble lol. Basically I agree with you that they're not playing to their strengths but disagree as to what exactly those are.

context

LOL no i totally know what youre talking about when you refer to dan's humour, i think we may be referring to totally different things here. because correct me if im wrong but what youre talking about i feel like i see more in his planned humour like the way he tweets, wad, etc, and i do totally agree that that has NOT aged well in several aspects (though hes more innocent than people let him off as being sometimes). it's more his talking presenter aura that i think people tend to gravitate towards first (at least in my experience showing people dnp videos), not because he IS necessarily funnier but because he's louder, he's more forceful, and he takes up more of the energy on screen 70% of the time. like it's just natural to be attracted to that first. and then as you watch more, i think people come to connect equally or even moreso with phil, as you also start to recognize how much of dan's louder personality is a direct reaction to what phil puts down first.

hmmmmmm i kind of go both ways on your point about phil going into comedy though!! i agree that if anything he totally COULD succeed at that old school british style of humour. and appeal to a wide range of people in a way that dan's humour alienates these days. but i kind of stand by my opinion that i would prefer even more to see phil as a creative driving force in a way that doesn't rely on his name brand at all. pure philism boiled down into something that the public doesnt even need to know phil to love.

and finally, ok ur point about motivational speaking is blowing my mind a bit. SOOOOOOOOO TRUE. i dont know if i could ever see him going down that route because i think he'd look down on it because as much as he is obsessed with constantly using his persona and history as a fallback to lean on, he also hates himself for constantly doing so, and that would require him to embrace it. i also just dont think he respects it as an endeavour lmaktjnkgtn (and i mean neither do i but i dont respect wad or ywgttn an insane amount either) but purely in terms of what would complement his skillset, it's a perfect match. and yeah i agree on everything that you said about wad, him taking criticism, and his audience. he jumped into the deep end with that show simply because he could, and it hindered him massively. and also blew up his confidence enough probably that he feels he doesnt NEED to go back and start smaller. i could be totally wrong because it's been ages since i watched it but i remember that video on his side channel from when he does a proto comedy show in that club for pride was a lot more natural and suited for his current skill level? sigh. but now he's played venues far too big to go back for that! god im just really curious i guess to see where either of them are planning on going individually (since i am p confident theyll be continuing as a duo as well) after tit. interesting chat anon!

[fried-phrogcakes]

spoilers for paper mario: origami king !!

i uhhh havent finished it just yet but im so obsessed and in love that i need to ramble,, (just deleted purple ribbon)

you have been warned

OH my glob there is nothing in the world that can make me happier than this game,, dont get me wrong i love my boyfriend but this is just such an amazing game im going to fucking cry when i finish it because the first time experience will be over,, but !! ive been savouring it as much as i can

as i get closer to beating the game and saving all the toads i can find along the way, its still really weird seeing the stadium of toads filling up so much.. like what im just a guy- BRO and - mmmmMMMM

i havent played many mario games but this is absolutely by far my favourite mario iteration as a character. he is so silly and so goofy and hes not mean to luigi and he dances and grooves and has such a silly fun time i really hope there will be a bit more luigi content too after i save the castle or something i love them both so much

and like olivia was a lil annoying at first, some of her hints (esp during battle) can be pretty useless and she holds your hand through a lot of things,, reminding me that im playing a kids game, but ive grown to love her a lot i love how silly she is even tho she is quite oblivious sometimes. her dancing is so cute and while its not like technically her form or whatever its so cool seeing her fold into the different vellumentals!!!

.......i miss bob-omb "bobby" :( why did silly fun game have angst.. OUGH AND HE SHOWS UP IN THE PICTURES YOU TAKE AT SHOGUN STUDIOS IT MAKES ME SOB wah hes following and keeping along on the adventure :(((( i love him 😭 gary come home moment,,,

um.. anyway. moving on from my heartbreak theres just like a kajillion reasons to love this game, and while i dont have the comparison of the other paper marios i have no clue how the hell this one is deemed as the worst one!! sure the combat is a little weird but its puzzling and challenging and so unique!! ..albeit i dont like doing it over and over and over but as you get more health you get stronger and can just smack em with ur hammer and not have to fight them which i REALLY appreciate

anyways it just has so much in it and i love the puzzles and the silly little things inside i love the sneaky stuff and 😭 the shogun theatre show was just amazing. idk how many hours of gameplay i have in it so far but it feels like eons /pos

i dont think ive ever had a game that ive hyperfixated on so hard that has made me smile and laugh and cry so much this will forever hold such a strong place in my heart and while i cant wait to finish it i absolutely never want it to be over

so that being said!! if this IS the "worst paper mario game" then honestly all i have to look forward to is up!! i love the toads so much i love the silly ways you find them.... im also curious what wouldve happened if i agreed w the folded soldier in the very beginning and went yeah!! being folded sounds amazing sign me up!! .........bro........ that could open up a whole alternate storyline gameplay. probably not but like imaging it is so cool!! like.. mario gets folded and then instead of saving toads he folds em up n is on a quest to put all the ribbons in place or something

im not sure exactly how it would work out but a sort of anti-mario would be very neat

urgh okay its late im gonna conclude this as part 1 of my rambling abt paper mario lmao, a lot of words but not a lot was said

[seelestia]

OMG THE NEW NAVIA THEME IS SO CUTE??? i think it's safe to say that you definitely cooked, lia hehe >:3 /lh /gen

anyways! that's pretty much what it is when it comes to college and frankly? i just wanna get it over with like literally the only highlight to it is seeing my friends and spending time with my boyfriend 😭 but!! a social science major sounds cool! i'd say you have some pretty good goals set in mind and you can always take up a minor if you want to pursue the others :> (i did consider having music as a minor) and sure! the courses depend on what you pick really and the college/professor, online is just about the same as in-person if you have a lot of reading on a pc to do tbh. english classes are well. kind of like the ones in high school but college-leveled. just make sure you give yourself enough time to do assignments bc they can be painful :"D

HELP LMAO??? okay that's true though, the fontaine quest definitely made a splash and we really had to dip our toes in the water with it huh? anyway thats kind of the thing, the only similarity between bedo and lyney is that they actively flirt with me in their own way, and its funny bc i usually try to find someone whose personality complements mine bc im generally the quieter one compared to both (ah yes a reality tv show for me HJEKAHD) also yea! i think both of them really do have traits that make them stand out and frankly i wish they got more screentime (also i have yet to watch the 4.6 trailer ehehe)

same here to you!! i'm always happy to rattle off of your hcs and i enjoy talking about our selfships as well hehe (*^ω^*) and i love it when bedo calls me his "sweet violet",,like the way he says it is just so endearing? like the pitch of his voice always becomes softer and more affectionate jsjdksndj (yk its funny, my boyfriend does the same thing with me bc his nicknames are unique to me as well)

also i'm throwing another ramble at ya: imagine wanderer or ayato surprising you with breakfast in bed HEHEHEHE

awh thats oki! like i said, i'm always happy to indulge your selfships since i enjoy hearing about them :> /gen. honestly i wouldn't be surprised if wanderer did knock you softly on the head for thinking the flowers were from yato ajjdkshd (nah just put the hairpin in before he gets a chance /hj /lh) also i forgot to tell u im a sucker for floriography so i methinks wanderer could give you camellias which represent everlasting love. the hairpin ayato gives you is unique in design and had it specially made for you alone :3

and i quote from my irl friend: "bouncing off the walls gf x completely stoic unmoving statue bf" HDJAKDHSJ NOT ONLY THAT SHE COMPARED HIM TO A PIECE OF FURNITURE BC OF HOW STIFF HE IS IN PICTURES (but hey i give him credit for a cute smile <3) and he is very much a pretty boy even though he tries to deny it until i accept that he calls me pretty too BUT YEA QUITE LITERALLY OPPOSITES ATTRACT anyway pretty much, not all relationships are like yk. sunshine and rainbows so thats why i feel very grateful to have a healthy one. if anything, we're just both trying to do our best to make one another happy but thankies hehe (also nw! i dont think u sound like a grandma, i just like hearing u ramble ehhehe)

also im not rlly sure why ppl think 20 is old either like dang, sure my back hurts on occasion but i'm not a fossil 😭

AHHH THANK U, VI!! so it seems you agree that i... baked? :3c /lh HAHAHA navia is so sweet and silly. i just have to make her my theme! (++ as a homage to her for carrying me in spiral abyss 🫣) since i do put in effort whenever i do theme changes, it makes me happy to know others like it <3

i'll have you know that i'm a true enabler of dad jokes & puns. throw 'em at me! which reminds me: how does albedo react to your jokes? for me, ayato just thinks it's funny that i find them funny (he pats me on the head afterwards - A+ for effort). wanderer is just the epitome of unimpressed and sometimes, he'd even pull on my cheek a little if the joke is extremely unfunny LOLLL. the only one who'd ever indulge me is mr. shikanoin heizou ( ｡ •̀ ᴖ •́ ｡) oh, woe is me!!! /lh

i see! ty for the perspective, vi <3 i'm gonna find it nostalgic to look back on this convo after i went to college. tho assignments really are a staple of uni life, huh? one of the times i thank highschool for instilling the habit of “work first, play later” in me. i imagine it's gonna be more painful however so i'll need to juggle rest & work 😭 hope you're holding up with yours!! <3

THAT'S CUTE!! i find it so funny that albedo himself is the paradigm for introverts but when it comes to flirting with people he finds intriguing, he's not here to play LMAO. how does he act 〜suave〜 so naturally?? smh i need those skills too /hj. lyney on the other hand... he takes it as an achievement if he manages to fluster you! the sleight of the hand is his bread & butter but he's good with his words just as well, no? voila! ✧ i am biting my fist UWAGHH. i am head over heels for the 'speaks to you / says your name in a softer voice' thingy but to witness it first-hand??? i'm so happy for you 🤭

WWHWHWHWH. ayato usually has the maids prepare our meals so he probably tells them to make it extra special. unfortunately, i'm more of a night owl than an early riser so by the time he brings the tray onto the bed, i'm just looking at him all groggy LOL. he thinks it's cute, taps my cheek and teasingly asks if this is all a ruse to get him to spoon feed me.... this man /aff. wanderer tho is a good cook so he does not play around with food or breakfast! but it's gonna take lots of coaxing to have breakfast in bed since “if it spills on the mattress, i'll demote you to the floor for a day.” i tell him about the existence of trays but he's still adamant. no fun 💔 /j

CAMELLIAS?! those happen to be one of my fav flowers!!! and the meaning too... i'm ahhdjwjejw /pos. he would tho!! wanderer canonically like wandering off in nature (oh, dearest sumeru), i think he picks flowers to bring back home. but sometimes, he'd rather observe them from afar: they're fleeting, after all. so he might as well leave them be to bloom to their fullest. yk.... i should buy some seeds these days and make a garden of our own. maybe it could be a surprise for him oooooo mhm mhm!! wbu?? does albedo or lyney indulge in making you breakfast in bed too hehe :3c (for lyney, i'm willing to bet lynette sponsored that breakfast /j)

NOT THE FURNITURE POSE HAHAA 😭

“smile!”

vi: 🌸🌷🎀🩷

bf: 🚪🚪🚪

/j but we appreciate the effort!!! i'm also not vv photogenic myself so i can relate badly with the furniture pose LMAO 😔 i prefer taking pictures of others instead! ayato is really photogenic. this is what happens when you deal with paparazzi /j & wanderer can be photogenic too but only in candid. he does not like staring at the camera. what a grumpy cat /aff +++ i saw the picrew you sent me! VI IT'S SO ADORBS AHHHH feel free to share more picrews of you & your f/o's anytime! i love love love them ☆૮꒰ˊᗜˋ* ꒱ა /gen !!!!

[ughgoaway]

Hi ace feel free to completely ignore this ask if its too much, take care of yourself first 🫶

Im having such a difficult time just living, im failing at every subject in college, i feel empty even when i have the best friend anyone can ask for, and just, everything its too much.

Ive been depressed for 9 years now and i dont see any light at the end, im seriously so so sad, i cant really have conversations with my friends, i keep getting high just so i forget everything that is going on and i just dont know what to do

Sorry for venting on you, i just cant anymore

hi lovely, don't worry, it's not too much at all. I've been exactly where you are, and if I'm honest I'm kind of there right now too.

(long ramble about mental health below the cut)

tw for depression and discussion surrounding it.

I think people underestimate how hard just existing is, and having something as stressful as college on top of that can't be easy. I would remind you to be kind to yourself, it might not feel like it but you're achieving a lot right now by just keeping alive, I'm proud of you for it because I know it can feel impossible.

is there any way you can reach out to your college for some support right now? maybe take a small break if you're allowed? or even just tell them you're struggling, you'd be surprised how much people want to help you. more people care about you than you know, I promise.

feeling empty even when you have a support network is so hard because it can feel like you're betraying them. but you're allowed to still feel shit even when you know you have someone with you. feeling like this isn't your fault, your brain is working against itself constantly, and that can just feel impossible.

as far as the empty feeling, I know it all too well. i don't quite know how to get over it yet, if I ever do I'll let you know, but I always try and get a small routine down and try and spend just 1 hour a day doing something I love. the routine can be something as small as brushing your teeth 2 times a day, or going on a 5 minute walk, or even just standing outside for 5 minutes.

and the thing you love doesn't have to be a big thing, you can just let yourself rewatch your favourite show and eat some food you love. maybe spend time with friends if you're up to it, but if you're not, that's okay too. your friend sounds like they understand you, and they love you. They'll be wanting to give you all the support you need when you're ready.

this might be a silly question, but have you ever reached out for professional help? I know lots of us have, and it's been ineffective, but when you find that right professional, it can really help. I promise there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It might be so small that you can't see it right now, but it's there. it just needs some time to grow.

keeping up with friends is something I struggle with too, even if the messages are lovely, it can feel daunting. Next time you have even a tiny bit of energy, I urge you to tell your friends that. explain that you love them, but it all feels like too much right now. they love and care about you, they will support you in any way you need, im sure of it.

as for the getting high, I'm sorry I don't have any advice there, I personally don't use any drugs, but I completely understand the urge to use them as a coping mechanism. and I think weed, for example, can be helpful when used appropriately, but it's hard to even consider that when you feel so low. if you feel able, it's always best to try and talk to someone who understands what you're going through and why the drugs help. They will be able to help you the best. I'm sorry I don't have better advice for this, though. I wish I did.

I'm sorry I don't have better advice for you overall, but just know that there are millions of people who are like you right now and millions who have felt like you, and got better. the phrase "it will get better eventually" is cheesy and feels meaningless in moments like this, but it comes from people who have done this, from people who did see it get better. It did for them, and it will for you too.

my dms are always open for a chat, deep and philosophical one or a distraction chat about random things. my ask box is too, I'm here whenever, my love.

I urge you to keep trying and keep pushing even when you feel so weak you don't want to. you are so loved and so valued in this world, even if you can't see it yet <3

[erwinsvow]

What comes after seven? ATE🤭 Your fic (I can’t afford to actually become a jj girl you need to stop) and drabbles were a part of my self care/wind down process and I’m so grateful for your talent🫶

Work was so cute!! I have a few little side quests but today was tutoring (my favourite) he’s the sweetest kid and tries so hard I melt

What do you do? I thought I read you’re a medical student AND you work?? Is it a residency type thing? Either way thoughts and prayers to you that’s so impressive and amazing

On a more serious note maybe this is dumb but I just feel like you’re so kind and I’m sure very busy and you’re just always so quick to answer?? And I’m just always rambling and I feel so bad for clogging up people’s timelines and your page

Your kindness and hospitality (on your blog lmao) is so so appreciated but you really don’t have to!! I love chatting but there’s no need to feel obligated in any way shape or form to keep interacting or anything

I do love that I’m finally making friends in this fandom though so thank you💓

(I’m a cancer)

- 💓

you are SOOOOO SWEET omg. im so so so glad you liked it that genuinely means the world to me <3333and omg being a part of your winding down process stop. i write for myself but knowing others like what i write makes me feel so silly goofy inside. if u ever want a real fic for an idea you have and not just my conversation/drabble reply pls let me know id be more than happy to try and put it into words!

omg that sounds so nice! i used to tutor too we are so linked! im glad it was good😌he sounds adorable! what age do u tutor/what subject? i tutored college bio lol

also yes hahaa so im starting school in the summer and i updated it in advance because ik once it starts I probably wont write as much any more :( rn im a doctor assistant which is ~crazy~ and its 12 hour shifts so once im home it is me myself & i time (hence why i answer so quick, im always scrolling because i dont get to have my phone during work 😞)

you’re not rambling at all i am so glad you stop by to chat!!! it feels so sweet n personal there’s plenty of people following me here n now im getting to know one of them! i love seeing msgs from you! i have been using the tiny text so it takes up less space lol i be rambling talking to you!! & omg please don’t thank me srsly i love interacting🥹 like i said i was always the anon messaging wanting to chat n i just want to make everyone feel welcome. ur the best for sending me msgs! i 🩵 our check ins

also stop… im a cancer moon. SO LINKED. ik you probably saw but virgo sun & taurus rising. hbu??? 💓

also also i posted a bunch of rafe stuff today. would love to know ur thoughts!!!!!!🫶🏽

[ghost-of-the-machine]

ramble about my aromantic tendencies cuz im all. confused im SURE theres a word for this i just think im not ready??? i think like. not in a personal way, in a PHYSICAL way like something needs to change before id ever CONSIDER IT, makes me sick otherwise like theres so many things!! so many hurdles and stuff that would deter me from all that nonsense but i still like the idea of it like the idea is so sweet, its why i enjoy it so much in fiction but. in execution? IDK MAN.. freaks me out for so many reasons

romantic love is so cute bro like. its genuinely adorable to me, i love listening to love songs and just feeling the emotion and passion behind all the words, but ummmmmmm. i think realistically im capable? i just think that any attempt wouldnt go well, i dont think i can give someone what they might need, its always been like. okay 1. im going to be OBSESSED with you ill do anything you say ill let you mistreat and abuse me ill do anything for you okay which is not ideal!! not ideal, made for bad people dont want bad people. but?? on the other hand its also like i cant imagine loving another person more than i love my friends, but thats whats expected of me isnt it? i think they wouldnt like it very much if i had an equal amount but like. is it even possible? I REALLY DONT KNOW.. i know ive said it before, i just feel like. love, not platonic not romantic just LOVE pure unlabeled love. what kind of treatment would i give to a partner that i dont already give to my friends? itd go really wrong there im sure, i dont wanna hurt anybody yknow

idk its like such a cute little fantasy tho isnt it? maybe i meet someone and we become friends and then it leads to something more, is going on dates fun? maybe it would be but. i go on dates with my friends!!!!!! like is it different? i guess, but im out with someone i love i dont see how it could be much different

sometimes it feels like people like me dont get that. its hard to be good enough for someone else, like. i know theres like 8 billion people in the world but its always. im too fat im trans im not hot enough im too mentally ill im too awkward too. TOO EVERYTHING!! so on top of like. how can someone possible be more than what i already have, i have to be good enough too!!!!! so much work, i honestly. after brian, i was so content to just fall back on fictional characters, i know it sounds silly but self shipping LITERALLY saved my life i was hanging by a thread after him and then i found a coping mechanism that made me feel so good

i think its uncertainty, when it comes to fictional relationship? i make the rules, the scenarios, its perfect for me but. in real life you cant do that, im thrown in BLIND. i know its part of life, you learn and grow together but erm... im autistic please dont do this to me PLEASE if i plan out my conversation at a grocery store with the clerk and im STILL THROWN OFF... yeeowch!!

thats the thing im very offputting to other people like. something about me, i can see it in their eyes, see the way they kinda. like im. somethings all wrong with me!!!! they dont like it, i cant imagine myself being charming but.. maybe if i start T, ill be less. dreadfully anxious about seeing other people, then maybe ill flourish a little more. we'll see, it still freaks me out the thought of loving someone more than my friends like TO ME i dont think its possible and i dont want to find out about it okay it makes me sick it feels like betrayal, never tell me otherwise or ill feel awful, its betrayal to me!!!! cuz i want to give my friends the most i can give, they deserve it, so like. what, am i supposed to give less? give someone else more?? like ew who are you1!!! i dont need you i just need my besties thats all i need :] but its still a nice thought isnt it? its cute

i think i just have like a limit on the amount of people i can know at one time, ive always wanted more friends and i have more friends now!! sooo i dont realy need anyone else then? its very easy for me to feel satisfied with what i have, of course i am!!! grateful even!!!! so im like. it just doesnt matter so much to me. nice thought but i dont see it happening like i dont really WANT it to happen like i do but also. like. listen.

am i still gonna throw down to little love songs? absolutely yes sir!! to me tho like its feelings i can easily project onto my friends SKFJS like how me and my bestie kiss eachother on the head okay. because i loooooove them, its so easy because i love them!! its a love song, i dont care what kind of love its made for, i feel love and ill hear it how i want :] ITS. its some weird social bullshit okay, who says we cant? who says we cant go on little friend dates and kiss and hug and be in love with eachother while also being JUST friends? WHO SAYS!!!! its what i dont get, theres some disconnect between romantic and platonic love that i dont see at all. why should one be more valued than the other? hogwash okay its gobbledygook its. nonsense!!! im glad i dont see it that way, the hard part is finding other people who also dont see it that way, i realize my feelings on it arent STANDARD.. still, im satisfied. i have a lot of love to give and im always allowed to give it, isnt that so wonderful?

[pinkseas]

[parasocial bestie] GOOD EVENING BESTIE!!!! CHEERING U ON!!!! although itll take another few days weeks months for u to finish the fic its totally understandable why it takes that long like!! even as an artist, working on a supposed 4 hr art can take Weeks without that energy. it could be me who doesnt write tho but id always think writers have it hardest to do all the brain connecting the Thinking the Gears Moving in their head to figure out every scene every dialog every word that fits to get a perfect imagery of sumn and i respect dat... i respect yew!!!! SO DO UR BEST ALYYYYYY ILYSM YOURE DOING SO GREAT WITH UR CURRENT WORDCOUNT ALREADY 💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💖💞💞💕💓💖💓💕💓💖💓💓💓💖💓💕💓💖💓💖💓💓💖💞💕💞💖💓💖💓💖💓 ONTO THE NEXT FEW THOUSAND UR SO CLOSE 👊👊👊👊 BEATS THE BURNOUT BEATS EVERYTHING THAT STOPS U FROM WRITING AND BEING THE BESTEST 👊👊👊💥💥👊💥💥💥👊💥💥💥

NO BC LIKE AS SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T DO ART. i will never ever ever understand how u guys do it. anyone can picture things in their mind to some degree but how in the everloving FUCK do you make that picture REAL>?????????????? proportions shading colors how the FUCK do you do the little glowy thing how do you make it Look Right how do you make it Look Good like. ive been doing creative writing in various ways to various degrees for over a decade now and i am still So Very Mediocre i STILL couldnt explain to you how i do it or how it happens and im sure if i had that same experience with art itd be different but. i do Not have that experience with art. so instead i stare at said art and go Hey Genuinely How The Hell Did You Do That and love it with all my heart

i dont even understand how other writers write like wdym you have a PLOT you have PACING you have proper balance between characters pertaining to who you want to focus on the most/least what do you MEANNNNNN you found the most gorgeous words and turns of phrase to make something sound Exactly write or get an Exact image into someones head like. HELLO ????????????????

dorry that got away from me i may be okay at writing but i am SO very fucking good at rambling every time without fail amen <3

anyways more importnatly GOOD EVENING I LOVE U SO SO SO FUCKING BAD I SAW THIS AND IMMEDIATELY WENT 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 & then powercry emoji x2345987345 like man. MAN.

onto the next few thousand 😁😁😁 <- words of someone who would KILL to be able to accomplish this tone and such in So Many Fewer Words but who does Not Know How To Do That so ten hundred billion words it is 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

THANK U FOR BEATING UP THE BURNOUT I RLY NEED IT like its barely gotten in the way yet ive taken enough breaks given myself enough time it is just SO FRUSTRATINGGGGGGGGGGG knowing that i need those breaks and need that time like why am i not allowed to just be the specialest person in the whole wide world who never burns out ever hm? hmmm? do i not deserve it have i not suffered enough

not to be soooo silly but i genuinely cannot express how much it means to me and how much it has meant to me from the very first little comment that you just. IDK IDK IDK. you care so much and you're so fucking NICE about it and so passionate about it and EVERY single time we ramble about ANYTHING it inspires and pushes me so much and i love love love talking to you and like. u simply did not need/do not need to be constantly so fucking sweet and encouraging and wonderful about everything all the time ever but then you Are and then i die and and and <- maybe its a good thing i didnt try forcing myself to write too much this morning if this is the way im wording things today 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 idk it is just. ily so bad and i am so so happy and grateful every time i see u in my silly little inbox and to this day i owe u my Life for the thoughts that u have brought to my silly little brain and

yeha. yeah. yeah. Yeah. explodes into a billion pieces

[cinnamon-todd]

neutral - jason todd x f!reader

a//n: i was jus in a silly goofy mood... this has not been proofread, just felt like writing tbh. i will start being more descriptive with my tags and warnings bc I realize I am stupid for not doing so.

warnings: none?

summary: jason being a good friend to the reader, letting her rant about her love life but hey there's a surprise for her!!!!

"its hard, sometimes..." she mumbles quietly, barely audible to the man next to her.

they sit adjacent to each other on the swing set, a nice feature the Waynes had added to their backyard.

the weather today was neutral. not too cold, not too hot. it came surprisingly to the two adults as yesterday it was pouring rain, Gotham's usual weather. but today it was neutral. the wind blew strong enough to move their calloused hair, but not too strong to be distracting or irritating that they had to make their way back inside - it was neutral.

"i know, you've mentioned that like 10 times." his snarky comment made her look up in annoyance.

she was met with his playful smile, and she tried her best to bite her smile. "you just know how to push my buttons, todd."

"hey," he nudged her shoulder, "one bad date doesn't mean the rest of them will be bad."

"no," she huffs, "but i dont even wanna bother with it, its exhausting."

he nods, unsure what to say next. she took this as a cue to continue, "I am in no interest to look for it, yet I still have this urge to find it. I'm always disappointed when I find someone who is willing to try it, but..."

find the right words, why arent the right words coming to her, why is she stumped.

"but?"

"but im not sure. as much as I can say 'the right one will come along', I'm not even sure if I want the right one, or even yet, know if it'll ever come."

"yeah,"

"its just so confusing, conflicting, just downright annoying." she continued as her best friend listened attentively. "I'm just so on the fence about it all. somedays I can be all for love, other days I just don't want it at all."

"Understandable."

"is it?" she asks, facing the man once again. he studied her face, confused, afraid, unsure. "I feel like there's something wrong with me. why cant I at least try?".

it wasnt a question, she didn't expect a response, but as the good man Jason Todd was, he gave his honest opinion.

"well," he clears his throat, "maybe that's the thing."

she looks at the man with a quizzical look, encouraging him to continue.

"maybe the partner that you need is someone who understands all that. someone that can respect it, someone that knows it, and expects it."

she looks down at the bark that lays as a flooring for the mini playground. unsure where he was going with this, she knew Jason would always be honest with her, but sometimes its hard to listen to the truth.

"you are someone who is always on the fence, very indecisive." he continues, "you are someone who doesn't need to be guided, but does enjoy it when someone gives their opinion because lord knows your judgement isn't the best."

"Todd..." she says sternly.

"hold on, lemme finish..." he says, "its sounds like to me that you need someone who you are comfortable with, that you've known a long time. someone that has to be very patient with you."

she nods.

"you hate to rush into things, yet you are very last minute with most things." they chuckle at the truth. "but that's what makes you, you."

she smiles at the end of his ramble. she knew Todd was one with words, yet he did surprise her with this number. "Thanks, Todd."

"Im not done yet," he says causing her to look up confused, what more could he add?

"you need someone like me,"

"Tod-"

"you dont have to say anything right now," he cuts her off, "I just want you to know that I like you, a lot. I understand that you are someone who can feel very overwhelmed, anxious, and so many emotions."

"but i hope that you know," he takes a deep breath, "that I understand that."