#i feel like i've lost so much of my skills - i look at my art and want to cry when i look at my old stuff cuz it seems so much better

[crescencestudio]

๋࣭⭑ Devlog #41 | 5.28.24 ๋࣭⭑

It's hot girl (/gender neutral) summer season

HAPPY MAY!!

Hope you're all doing well <3 We're already getting into summer, which is a little crazy to me. The year is flying by! Before I get into what we actually did this month, it wouldn't be a May devlog without our annual Mermay celebration!

Look at those locks. His Ariel/Rapunzel era fr

Since I already had updated Mermay pieces for the Alaris LIs, I decided to do one for our beloved Van this year ^^ Hope you all like it!

For writing this month, I spent a lot of it catching up on Etza edits. Being totally transparent, I wasn't Completely Happy with their route when their draft was finished. But now that I've started the editing process with Wudgey, I'm really excited to see how their route is shaping up!!! We've been fleshing a lot of little interactions out with their route, and I can already see Etza's character really starting to shine with these edits ^^

I've also been chipping away at Kuna'a's route! While it's nowhere near finished, I'm hopeful that this upcoming month will be the month of Kuna'a now that I don't have a bunch of releases I'm trying to balance. His route is also one of the ones whose outline is more fleshed out (Druk and Etza I would say were the least fleshed out, which might be why they also took a bit longer). So I'd love to see Kuna'a's first draft complete/almost complete by the next devlog!

This month, I had to dust off my art skills tbh LMFAOIJSDF. It's been.... a WHILE since I've made CGs since I've been in the writing and coding dungeon for so long. So most of this month's art updates are me getting tilted from redrawing an ugly sketch over and over.

I DID manage to get the Van Mermay piece out. And I also was able to sketch out Kayn's Tragic End CG; that leaves only one CG that has to be sketched out! Currently, six of their CGs are finished, two need to be rendered, and one needs to be drawn still.

And since Kayn's CGs are mostly done, I've started drawing Fenir's. I was actually able to finish one because I basically Locked In when I made it, so here is a sneak peek!

Kisses his little pink nose

You might notice there's not toooo many updates on this month's devlog. The reason for that is because this month, I spent a lot of it recovering both mentally and physically. April shenanigans and those back-to-back releases took a lot out of me, and after going full speed basically since this year started, I learned I REALLY needed a break. That coupled with the concussion I got made it so that most of this month was focused on recovering and then getting back into the groove of things.

Another thing I tried to focus on this month was finding a balance in my workflow. Going into this month, I felt like I was on the verge of a mental breakdown almost every day, in large part because I have a lot of big things I'm trying to accomplish this year. Between finishing my dissertation, Alaris, and a personal big event that I have to plan, I have a lot on my plate this year, and it's made it easy to get overwhelmed as the months pass by. So I wanted to find a balance between all three that didn't make me feel like I was also falling into insanity. After talking to beloved Wudgey of @herotome fame, I've started adopting a schedule that gives me enough structure and flexibility to feel like I'm making progress without going crazy and getting lost in the sauce.

While it's still early in the process, I'm really happy with the balance I've hit, and I'm feeling much more like myself now compared to a month ago!

I caught up on quite a few things in my backlog this month, which made me happy ^^ I always like to learn from and support other devs, so finally being able to return to that helped with the recovery process <3

I don't have any actual fanart pieces, but there are a couple of games I'd like to highlight!

First of all, of course I must talk about our hot girl (/gender neutral) summer cross-promo. If you haven't checked out these games, I can't recommend them enough!!

Links to each game can be found on the Alaris Game page under the magic and mystery otome section!

Specifically, Save the Villainess, The Good People, and Thorn for the Villain are amazing games if you're into thriller/political games layered with mystery

The Silent Kingdom (which I played recently and is AMAZING) and Dual Chroma (Otojam 2023 ALLY) have added mechanics of RPG for exciting action-adventure fantasy stories

Lost in Limbo, Obscura, and Snow White Ashes are BEAUTIFUL dark fantasy games. I've played all three of these and they have some of the most beautiful writing and visuals... BIG FAN OF ALL OF THEM.

Mask Beyond Lies and Sigh of the Abyss have that epic fantasy adventure appeal to them, in a way that I think is similar to Alaris! And Pearlglow Cafe (another Otojam 2023 ALLY) is a very lighthearted and charming game for those of you who like the comfy vibe that most of my stories have!!

Some other games that I played are Favor (@favorvn) by beloved @concreteparasite which is SOOOOO stylish. If you've played Binary Star Hero by Connie, you can expect that same stylish, dark, sultry vibe from Favor. If you haven't checked out either of those games by Connie, I can't recommend them enough, especially if you like yanderes. There is so much aesthetic and atmosphere to them!

I also played Where Winter Crows Go by @prikarin who is a VERY talented developer (and one I'm sure many are familiar with). I had a lot of fun romancing Crowe and both the MC and him have such strong personalities, it was so fun seeing their dynamic!!!! The CGs were also made by anta, who is the dev behind Thorn for the Villain, and they're BEAUTIFULLLLL. Each one has so much style and rly has a professional look to them. Can't recommend enough if you haven't played already ((heads up that it is another yandere game for those who can't do yandere!))

Okay I've yapped enough. If you've made it this far, you are god's strongest soldier LFMASLDIFJ. See you all next month with hopefully some exciting progress!

[citylawns]

Any life advice for teen girls? I’m fifteen living at boarding school with no friends, and I’m not interested in the boys here (never even kissed a guy). I’d like to know if you have any tips, or things you wish you did or could change at my age. I’m just very lost and need some guidance, I don’t really talk to my mom so I can’t ask her. She never really taught me girl stuff and I’ve never had a best friend. I look up to you some, I would really love and appreciate some insight.

Hello lovely! It's taken me a while to think about how to reply to this, sorry to have kept you waiting. I was also very lost and lonely when I was fifteen, and I also didn't really talk to my mum, or if I did it was about comforting her or her shouting at me. She also never taught me girl stuff and I've had to learn how to cook, how to clean, how to wash and shave and perform proper maintenance myself so you can always ask me anything in that regard.

I have a few things here that I think might be helpful and things I did for comfort.

Find comfort in art, music, books, films, but in the end don't isolate yourself too much. This is something I have just spoken about unlearning today with my friends. A lot of us tend to retreat into an internal world to survive and it can be necessary and life saving but you also need to force yourself to open up too. It's important to keep taking the risk to open up to people and find friends, even when it goes wrong over and over. It's taken me until 26 to find some real friends. I hope it comes sooner to you.

You can find mother figures everywhere. In older women you meet in your life, in aunties, your friends and partners parents, older girls, in your friends, in work colleagues. You can ask them the things you could never ask your mum.

Devote your time to learning a skill or hobby related to your interests. I wish I had been more dedicated to learning guitar and music theory, you can learn these things at any age (its never too late) but I wish I had the years put in early. It's also a way to find community and friends - music has been fundamental for that aspect of my life.

Please, please don't worry too much about how you look. I don't know if that's something you worry about, but it was something I worried about a lot. I wished my face was different for so many years but you really do grow into your face and your body. As you age you see parts of yourself in other people (your friends, relatives, anyone) and you realise you can appreciate them in yourself too. Insecurity and comparison still happen, but you realise that owning everything about you is the most enigmatic and attractive quality about a person.

Keep a journal. Write about everything you feel and everything you think and all that's happening in your life. Even if it seems boring and mundane. Most importantly - write about what your hopes and dreams and aspirations are. Your older self will need them to look back on to remind her to keep going. And to remind her of how far she has come.

Be your own best friend. Your relationship to yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have in your life. Be kind to yourself, don't say mean things about yourself, notice when you have done something well. If there's no one else to stick up for you and no one to recognise your achievements you need to be that person for yourself. This will get you through everything.

Sending you a really warm hug, stay strong, I hope boarding school gets better.

[gor3sigil]

Yo, I saw your post about trans dudes not gendering hobbies and I want to cosign it real hard

I'm a cis dude (or whatever... wrote that long ask the other day, so you see the whatever). I do stuff like wood carving... at some point I'd like to get into blacksmithing (and a million other things)

Are those masculine hobbies? What a weird thing to even ask, they're just themselves

Carving is carving, everyone should do it

I also want to pick up the skills to make my own clothes some day. Would that be masculine if I call it tailoring or feminine if I call it sewing? It's in fact just a good skill

And I mean Doki Doki is a great game, never played it, just watched it, but what fantastic characters. Liking it isn't gendered, you're right that there's nothing wrong with you

You know, I got into MLP back in like 2011... man... people just can't... eh... no I feel you hard on how it was for you though, cause while I still really love it, I haven't watched it in years, not cause of shame or something but just cause the infinite posts on here about guys who watch it all being creeps kinda sapped my ability to enjoy it

Great show though, still recommend it, just lost my own personal ability to enjoy it other than the occasional fan art

Point is with all of this, none of it effects your gender. Shows aren't gendered, hobbies aren't gendered. Things like make up or what kinda clothes you want to wear aren't gendered

Welding, knitting a baby onesie, blue and pink, dresses or overalls... none of this has gender. Men, women, trans, cis, anyone no matter who they are, how they identify... they all belong equally in all these things... what matters is if it's a good fit for you, there's no such thing as you having to fit the right boxes for it

Easier said than done sometimes to not care what other people thing, especially if it would put you at risk; but from an internal point of view, and from how much you should value others opinions on this... do what you like, and people who don't like it can piss off

But yeah, just saw that post and wanted to weigh in

The stuff I said is true for everyone, but bring it around towards trans men in particular, there's no right way to be a trans man. You're you, you're a trans dude... job done

You get to decide what it looks like for you, but none of this stuff is gendered. You could be the most masculine guy in make up, or you could do the daintiest welding in the most feminine way, but that's just you bringing your own style to it; and just like none of these hobbies are gendered, neither is being a trans guy

Like if you're a masculine trans guy that's great, but if you're real feminine that's great too. That's stuff's just the flavoring for how you're you, none of it's what makes you a guy

I hope you have a nice day

Thank you for your input and I totally agree with everything you said !

It sucks that you can't enjoy MLP like you used to... But yeah, there's a big stigma around "masc looking" people with "fem aligned (to society's standards" hobbies and interests. Like I said in my post, I'm a huge anime fan and I've seen so many cis men get shit for being creeps because they had like their favourite female characters from an anime or manga as their phone wallpaper, or because they had figures and posters, for people it can only be for "gross, NSFW purposes" when it's just people enjoying fictional characters.

And I hate when you say that and people are like "well IF the men in fandoms weren't ALWAYS CREEPS" and it's like: you're talking about the loudest crowd, not the majority. I'm not a big fan of fandoms in general because people tend to be too intense about the media, for me at least. But that's the point of a fandom and there's good and bad in it. It's not a gender thing.

I remember watching a little video about the MLP fandom and finding some things that came out of it like the huge conventions and fanfic and overall creativity so so great !! and then the youtuber introduced the more NSFW, weird part of the fandom and said "I think that the reason why men tend to sexualized fictional characters in shows and any medias is because it's the only way they ever learned to enjoy female characters. As a girl, I can relate to the characters that are girls because they experience similar things to me, but to men, the only relatable and enjoyable thing they can possibly get out of a female character isn't the way she's written, the things she goes through, it's just the sexual gratification she can give."

And I don't have words strong enough to say how APALLED I was by this statement like, do you hear yourself, fr ?!

But anyways, there's still a long road ahead of us for people to just be normal about men liking "unconventional" things. Or to just de-gender things in general, really.

[mirimiramiri]

A story about a king and his koi

Happy belated Tanabata everyone!

Here is a picture I did about half a year ago. I always thought it stayed behind its potential, so it got a recent make-over.

Hitomi invited Van to spend this years celebrations with him.

Now a snapshot from my work-in-progress story „Star-crossed lovers“ for which I’ll include the link at the bottom.

******************* The colors of tanabata danced around them, mingling with cheerful sounds and delicious smells to a true ode to life. It was overwhelming, magical, wonderful, and if he had not had his faithful companion by his side, the visitor from a distant star could easily have lost himself in the foreign spectacle.

Then, for the first time in what seemed like an eternity in this strange strange world, Van saw something that reminded him of home. People had kept a respectful distance around one of the attractions. And with good reason, for it was dangerous here. Lined up side by side were seven structures made of sturdy straw, each the size of a wagon wheel. A circular cardboard disc was attached to each one. Concentric circles were drawn around a black dot in the center. At that moment, an arrow hit one of the targets with a hiss. The spectators applauded politely, even though the archer was standing quite close. Nevertheless, the performance was not to be scoffed at, for it was a young boy who was now visibly proud to receive a yellow stuffed mouse as a prize. The cuddly toy was almost as huge as the boy himself and was grinning a happy, slightly psychotic smile. The little winner ran back to a woman and a man who proudly patted their offspring on the head. "Do they hunt with bows and arrows here too?" Van wondered curiously and walked over to the stall. An elderly gentleman with a round face like a pancake and dressed in a shimmering robe was picking the arrow out of the straw target.

"Ah. That was a long time ago," Hitomi replied. "Hardly anyone goes hunting anymore, let alone with a bow and arrow." "With what then?" "Uh, with modern weapons," Hitomi pressed. That wasn't her specialty and certainly not a topic she liked to talk about. She could google it quickly, but she didn't feel like it at the moment. "Nevertheless, the tradition of archery is kept alive here. More as an art and for entertainment than out of necessity." Van nodded. "To preserve the ancient knowledge." "That's right!" Hitomi smiled in relief. The man in the extravagant garment scurried around, showing off the longbow in his hands, challenging people to test it. "I've never tried it, though…" Van finally turned back to her. "Did you know that archery is one of my rather sparsely sown talents?" He smiled mischievously, just to the left, as if to express a challenge. "Would you like to try your luck?" she guessed in surprise. Van raised his eyebrows. "Not my luck, my skill." She vaguely remembered him firing a single arrow at the dragon's eye with a crossbow embedded in his armor. Somehow, she had always assumed he would use something like that on the hunt for food. More precisely, she had deliberately never questioned how exactly he killed animals to gut and eat.

She had found it immensely creepy, back on their trip through the wilderness towards Freid, every time he and Merle had slain rabbits and snakes without batting an eyelid to later roast them over the campfire. Even though it was necessary and important for their survival, she preferred to look the other way. "Okay." She reached into her tiny bag and pulled out one of those colorful printed pieces of paper that served as currency here. "Just give this to the dazzling, loud man. I think he'll understand." He accepted the 1,000 yen without argument, reverently and with both hands, as if it were much much more. He even bowed slightly to acknowledge this huge sacrifice. They had already had enough discussions about whether it was appropriate for her to invite him to everything today and to fulfill his every wish, no matter how small. With the result that his resistance was finally broken and he surrendered to her hospitality. "Then show me what you can do. Conquer one of the stuffed Pikachu for me," she urged him. "I'll prove myself worthy of your trust and won't let you down," he promised, marching off confidently. The crowd magically made way for him, expressing something that was more than just politeness. As if frightened by his extraterrestrial presence, a few half-grown men stepped aside, though he didn’t even notice them.

"Ah. Would you like to try, young man?" the booth operator understood correctly when Van offered him the money with a polite bow. "How many shots? One? Or seven times?" "Sumimasen," he replied for lack of alternatives. The man looked surprised. He had mistaken the teenager with the shiny black hair for a countryman. But this stumbling pronunciation gave him away in an instance. How peculiar, he had Japanese features at first glance, anything but at second glance, and when you looked closer, it became increasingly unclear where he might have come from. Apparently, his family tree was rooted all over the world. Anyway, the youngster had enough money for a shot, wanted his fun, and was going to get it. "So, let's see what you've got," he cackled good-naturedly, handing the boy his bow and arrow. "You may choose any of the targets, but none of the spectators, please! Ganbatte!" "Arigato." Van mumbled the second of the words whose meaning and pronunciation Yukari had painstakingly taught him. Then he inspected the weapon in his hand. The arrowhead was rather blunt. No wonder, since it was only used for ceremonial purposes and not for killing. The bow was about the same size as Fanelia's. It was a bit worn, but fit well in his left hand and weighed little more than a fistful of feathers.

By now, a crowd of onlookers had gathered around the scene. At least two dozen pairs of eyes followed the boy in the dark red yukata as he examined the possible targets and finally strolled decisively to the right. He took aim at the farthest straw body, then stepped back a few feet. "Pretty brave," someone commented next to Hitomi, who was watching the spectacle as intently as everyone else. By now the arrow had a long distance to overcome before it would reach its goal. But Van seemed to be absolutely sure of himself. He stood with his legs apart, put the arrow in place, drew the bow in one quick movement, nestled the feathers against his cheek… and closed his eyes. Hitomi opened hers even wider. What was he doing?

"Oh!" shouted those nearby. "He's shooting blind!" "He really wants to know!" someone sneered, and a group laughed. As usual, Van didn't understand a word. And even if he had, at this point nothing could break his concentration so easily. Over the past year, he had almost perfected the art of blocking everything out. Even himself. Often enough there was no other way to cope with reality. Hitomi watched in complete fascination as his muscles worked under the thin, red fabric. He smiled only minimally, but she saw it anyway. The neckline of the yukata had opened a little, revealing the hint of a sun-kissed torso. Just below his prominent collarbone, a pink jewel shone peacefully. Hitomi had seen him demonstrate his skills as a warrior more times than she would have liked. On the battlefield, in the Colosseum of Palas, against Dilandau, in seemingly hopeless situations. As far as she could tell, he wielded his sword skillfully. But never with enthusiasm, only out of necessity. Now, for the first time, she saw him doing something he was not only good at, but clearly enjoyed. Hitomi felt the butterflies in her stomach dance wildly again.

He was graceful. He had never been as beautiful as he was now.

But the sight did not last long. He released the arrow, which immediately soared through the air, and the crowd held its breath for a moment. There was a hiss and a soft, very satisfying sound as the tip hit the target. A collective "Ooooh!" traveled from spectator to spectator. The archer opened his eyes. The arrow was dead center. Van smiled serenely. He turned his head and saw what he had hoped for: Hitomi, looking at him with huge eyes, overflowing with admiration. His smile widened even more. He had reached his goal, in more than one way. "Someone fry me a stork! Right on target! Incredible!" "A true master!" "A trick!" someone squealed. "But he did it anyway!" The bystanders applauded enthusiastically for the young man, who seemed to consist of nothing but pure confidence at that particular moment. Hitomi had never seen him so radiant. What other secret talents would he reveal to her? The thought made her blood boil, her hormones spike, and she had to hide a broad grin behind her hand. Meanwhile, the center of everyone's attention was confronted with completely different problems.

"And here's the prize! Well deserved." The cheerful vendor handed the young man a clear bag instead of a fluffy Pokémon. His victorious smile immediately faded. The bag was relatively heavy, which was not surprising. It was filled to the brim with water. Which was absolutely necessary. Inside, a strange creature was making its monotonous rounds, looking out at the world in constant amazement. It was white, speckled with orange spots, and proudly wore a thin moustache that reminded a bit of the licked lackeys of Astoria. The similarly hollow look in his eyes also matched that comparison. His new owner stared back, much more puzzled. His companion had to stifle a laugh. He came back to her. Now people were staring after him in fascination, but he payed them no attention. "That was great!" Hitomi greeted him with bright eyes. Unfortunately, he barely noticed because he was distracted by the thing in his hand. "What kind of creature is that?" asked Van. "Well, a fish. A baby koi, to be exact. Don't you know?" He looked at her and she had to grin again at his confused expression. "I know fish. Grilled over the fire or drowned in greasy sauce in Astoria…" "It's certainly not for eating. They are kept for pleasure, to enjoy the sight of. As a pet, a house animal.“*

"House? Animal?" Individually, the words made sense, but together? Somehow, Hitomi liked the idea of the king keeping an ornamental fish from now on. Would there be room for the aquarium in his tiny, spartan quarters? How would Merle react? "Do you want it?" Van held out the poor, orphaned animal. Maybe he had a gift for her after all. But she put her hands up defensively. "That’s sweet, but my father doesn't allow pets." As Van became more and more desperate, she suggested: "We'll set him free. There's a pond over there." "Agreed," he said, relieved, and hurried after her. Away from the hustle and bustle, a dark surface of water lay still in the starlight. Only now and then could white shadows be seen passing beneath it like ghosts. Together they tipped the contents of the bag over the pond. The bright orange of a sleek fin flashed in farewell… then the animal was free and among its own kind. The girl in the blue yukata and the boy in red knelt on the bank and simply watched for a while, enjoying the wonderful moment of mutual silence in a way only very close friends can. "Sayonara, Klausu," Hitomi whispered, "I hope the other fish are nice to you." "Klausu?"

"That's what I named him…" He looked at her intently. Here in the shadows of some old maple trees they were all alone and unobserved. "Thank you, Hitomi," he said solemnly. "For showing me your world." "Gladly." "I apologize for not being able to bring you the Pikachu trophy I promised." "Oh no, don‘t worry about that! Seeing you shoot that arrow is much more important than any Pokémon could ever be," was her reply. She waved her hand defensively, and the small bag attached to the wrist flew wildly through the air. Was he mistaken, or did she become just as nervous as he felt? In any case, her sudden flow of words was another indication. "You know, there are always archery competitions here at the temple in the fall. And there's a lot more to win than just fish. Kamakura is famous for this spectacle, and the art is called Yabusame. However, the competitions are held on horseback, which makes it quite difficult." "I'm very good at riding, too." "Really? Maybe you'd like to come back and we can watch the tournament together?" "I would welcome the opportunity to come back." A pink glow rose in her cheeks and her smile grew even brighter. All the colors of the night gathered in her beautiful eyes. The sight tempted him to take her delicate hand and finally move closer to her. Was this the time and place for one long overdue first kiss? While he was still sorting his thoughts to plan the next steps, her mood suddenly changed.

If she had been nervous before, she seemed almost anxious now. "There's something I've been wanting to tell you for a long time," she blurted out. "I'm sorry, Van. I'm so sorry."

* Foot Note: sadly the joke gets lost in translation. The German word for pet is Haustier, so house plus animal, therefore the thing with the two words combined make no sense to Van.

Anyway, I love the short scene in Freid where we see Van practicing archery. It’s so calm and peaceful. A lot of episodes later we see little Van returning with Vargas (Balgus) with bow and arrow, probably from a hunting trip. See how happy he looks? He seemed to really have enjoyed that so I guess it’s his favourite hobby.

[chubs-deuce]

Hi!! Love your artwork and your Charlastor AU with Dawn!!

I was wondering if you think Alastor would make any dawn-themed dad jokes and puns in your AU, and if he does, what would Dawn and Charlie think of them? I can’t really think of any off the top of my head right now, but I know ‘a brand new dawn’ is a phrase he could maybe use!

Again, love your art!!! If you don’t mind answering questions about it, do you have any advice for artists who want to improve their drawing or any practices that have helped you develop your skills? And are there any particular artists that really inspire you?

You’re one of my favorite artists and I don’t know how to explain it but your drawings have so much life in them!! 🌟

sdlksdflkj thank you so much omg!!!

I'm so glad you're enjoying them ;W;

And he would be insufferable with them lmfaoo, especially because I'm sure Charlie would hop in on a few of them and add to the pile as well xD

One more I can think of rn is "Oh, I was wondering where the sun went!" whenever Dawn enters a room, because the implied punchline is "but then it Dawned on me" or something? XD idk I'm not good with puns sadly

Now regarding the art advice!! This one got HELLA long so I'll hide it under a cut for everyone's comfort lmao

I know it sounds shallow and like worthless advice, but a huge huuuuge part of getting better at art is to just... make art! Practice makes perfect - it develops your motor skills, gives you somewhat of a muscle memory for certain basic shapes that are a necessity to have a good feel of for good foundation sketching.

Practice also develops your eye for compositing and for how color theory actually applies in practice, it basically helps you develop a more consistent grasp on art as a whole :D

There are some things I've learned over time that definitely helped speed things up though xD

here's some rough sketches I did just to demonstrate what my rougher drawings can look like - also a little diagram (on the right side of the image) of things I keep in mind for the average proportions of a human body!

I tend to sketch very loosely and try to capture the overall vibe and silhouette/rough shapes first before I even think about adding details - there's a certain flow, squish and stretch to everything that's just much easier for me to get a good feel for when I use quick, loose brush strokes and as few lines as possible to convey a concept.

Repeatedly sketching humanoid characters of various shapes, builds and sizes for years genuinely helped enormously in getting not only faster but also more consistent with it!

I'm fairly well practiced with hands and expressions especially at this point since I like to focus on those in my art often, so those come fairly easily to me as well now!

Something I learned along the way about keeping a certain liveliness to my artworks is that sometimes you have to forego anatomical correctness a bit if you want to fully express specific emotions - if you try too hard to keep everything perfectly proportional and realistic, it can make the outcome look stiffer than you might've aimed for - this is something I actually struggle with in my cleaner artworks :'D The ones I do proper lineart for, since a lot of the flow of the original sketch gets lost in the process haha

As for artists/artstyles that inspire me...

There's @/southpauz for example!

Her artstyle is unbelievably expressive and her eye for compositing and her use of shapes is SUBLIME - it inspired me to let loose more with my expressions, exaggerate features a bit more and to push the way I try to vary facial features :D

Then, back when I had that massive Rise of the TMNT phase, the artstyle of it has actually greatly influenced how I draw today!

It manages to be detailed and highly recognizable despite its deceivingly simple style - it exaggerates shapes and uses it to communicate personalities, emotions and action super effectively and taught me a lot about utilizing those more efficiently myself :D

And last but not least Ishida Sui - the mangaka behind Tokyo Ghoul (which used to be a highschool obsession of mine)

His striking use of colors, textures in abstract, yet symbolically heavy ways and his courage to be rough and expressive rather than looking polished, yet also having such a solid understanding of realism blew me the fuck away as a teen and still does now!!!

His art may have less of an influence on my style today than it used to back then, but I think in my more exagerrated, more horror-esque drawings you can kind of see it still :'D Either way I greatly admire him as both a writer and artist.

-----

I'm genuinely so so flattered that you enjoy what I do enough to give me such high praise, thank you so much for writing me such a wonderful ask <3 I'm glad I got to gush about some of my favorite artists/artstyles for a bit haha

If you have any more specific (digital) art related questions don't hesitate to reach out!! I love giving pointers about a subject I'm so passionate about, we don't gatekeep helpful information in this house!!! <3<3<3

[hrts4hanniehae]

clutch || three

there are written parts :)

note that the timeline or educations may not add up but just ignore it because i don't have the brain power to sync up THIRTEEN + 1 's education schedules

also!!!! the story begins in the christmas period of 2022!!!! IF THERE ARE YEAR ERRORS IM SO SORRY!!!! i legit can't change it omfg

okay if we were being very honest, e/n was an attractive guy. well-liked by everyone, especially yn's parents -- mother. he had a good office job, loved the idea of starting a family and was rather... old-fashioned in his thoughts.

e/n had asked her out 2 years prior. she agreed because she was desperate to please her mother. but it wasn't as if she didn't like him. she did. just... not as much as she would have preferred. he was all those good things, but he didn't let her be free. he always talked her down when she brought up her art or passions. but he made her parents happy. so she suppressed it.

when he cheated on her, she didn't feel any sadness. not much resentment either. but when he stole her apartment from her, she lost her shit.

"what do you mean i can't take my apartment back? MY NAME IS ON THE LEASE!!"

"i did not sign that! that's a forged signature! how many times do i have to tell you, i have no recollection of EVER signing my apartment off to him! god why won't you even investigate the signature!"

not only did she have to deal with this bastard's theft, but now she had to deal with him at work too.

"do you know where's the bathroom?" (random museum goer)

she kindly pointed her in the direction of the nearest bathroom.

"oh yn! I didn't know you worked here." - e/n

"hi e/n. what do you need. and where's your side chick." - yn

"she went to the bathroom. i wanted to see you." - e/n

"when the fuck are you going to leave me alone? you already stole my house. what else do you want?" - yn

"yn, you're being ridiculous. just come back to me. i'll ditch her for you. i just wanted to try someone new. you're not exactly a... fun partner you know? fun in that way." - e/n

"leave me alone. i already have a new apartment. just please. i don't fucking like you anymore. just leave me alone. stop harassing me, okay? your idiotic excuses and reasonings don't make ANY sense at all. just go." - yn

"so why haven't you told your mom about our breakup? hm? do you really not like me anymore?" - e/n

"i've told you time and time again. i don't talk to my mother. at all. if you care so much, just tell her yourself. why we broke up. hm? or do you want me to get byeongho to tell her. because I will. i'm not telling her because i'm trying to help you save face. if i tell her, your father will know. and he will not be happy. i'm trying to do one nice thing for you despite you fucking another girl in OUR BED." - yn

and just like a saviour, minghao was running up to her.

"yn, your boss told me to look for you about managing my exhibit. oh. hi e/n. get lost, thanks." - minghao

"mind your own business, [redacted slur]" - e/n

security kicks him out.

"thanks, hao. my day has been ruined because of him." - yn

"i'll buy you lunch? i don't think you've had lunch yet." - minghao

"thanks but i'm good. i don't usually have lunch anyways. i'm going to head home. my shift is over." - yn

"did wonwoo tell you our friend was staying over at your place today?" - minghao

"huh. who? he didn't tell me." - yn

i guess he forgot - minghao

"lee chan, or dino. the soloist. so don't be too shocked if you see him walking around." - minghao

"right. i'll see you tomorrow for lunch, minghao. go hang out with jun." - yn

"he's filming a movie right now. how am i supposed to go see him?" - minghao

"figure it out!" - yn

she forgot about dino and walked into the bathroom not knowing he would be there. luckily, he was half-clothed.

ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

synopsis: wonwoo is a popular streamer known for his incredible gaming skills and good looks. He turned heads. but he hates the attention. he just wants to play games and earn money. one day he receives a letter. his apartment’s rent has almost doubled. no warnings at all. his current paycheck from streaming can’t shoulder those bills. he has no choice but to rent out his spare room. to who? a fresh art university graduate who has… 1. a stable job ✅ 2. talent for art and sculpting ✅ 3. many friends ❌ 4. social anxiety ✅ 5. no filter ✅ when his iconic cat logo gets copystriked, she comes to the rescue with a new logo for him. when his apartment’s walls start peeling, she fixes it. whatever he used to struggle with… the empty space... was now filled by her. so what does he *last player standing* do when her ex *enemy spotted* tries to take her back? heh. *clutch* he clutches.

inspired by wonwoo's gam3bo1 streams, falling into your smile & gogo squid (has hints of valorant)

pairing: streamer!jeon wonwoo x fem!artist!reader (ft. jeongcheol, soonhoon, junhao, seoksoo, verkwan)

genre: fluff, comfort, slowburn, comfort, pining, bestfriend!minghao

warnings: stalker ex, toxic ex, mentions of abuse, guns (game), cursing, hate comments, panic attacks

started: 28.12.23

ended: ?

taglist: join from my masterlist

main masterlist

smau socials

previous I next

tags! @fairyofhour @megseungmin @sun-daddy-yoriichi @woozixo @euphoric-univers @christinewithluv @haowonbins @ocyeanicc @asyre @cynthiaaax13 @superhoshisvt @bangantokchy @chimmy-bts @angelarin @daisawa @writingbarnes @jeonghansshitester

@belladaises @wonwootakemyheart @wonwooz1 @luchiet @kookssecret @caratsland @peachescreamandcrumble @thepoopdokyeomtouched @isabellah29 @leah-rose03 @yandere-stories @coupshour @heesbees

[drbased]

i've been reading your symbolic states tag and i'm both fascinated and relieved. i too am trying to live more in the real world and less in my head. a spark was struck when i read that i should be looking forward to the work of living, rather than dreaming of the symbolic sense of achievement i want.

do you have any tips/advice on getting out of that state? i find myself slipping back to it after a few days/weeks. how did you get out of it permanently?

i also want to hear your thoughts on social media's impact on us with regards to the symbolic state. social media is a literal continuous symbolic state that we are now all expected to participate in. how might we do it without succumbing to living/thinking symbolically?

actually, i would go so far as to state that social media has contributed directly to the current boom and celebration of unreal/symbolic ideals.

thanks for sharing your thoughts on this.

Thank you so much for this message 💖

This is, in short, my process:

learn to recognise what makes you feel uncomfortable. mentally trace back to recognise what has made you feel sad, angry etc. The more specific and granular and embarrassing you can recognise as the source of your negative emotional response, the more you're learning about your actual self and not some idealised version of you.

from that, start getting to know yourself. once again, the more granular and specific you can get, the better. instead of thinking 'I am smart', recognise 'I have good analytical skills that I developed during childhood because of x experience' etc. this will help you to stop categorising yourself as a certain type of person and instead will help you to have a healthier relationship with the traits that make up who you are.

before doing an activity, is your mental picture of yourself in the first or third person? because if it's the latter, try imagining yourself in the first person. if this feels humiliating and embarrassing, and the activity seems boring, you've learned something about what you actually like doing. get used to recognising that picturing yourself in the third person is a warning sign. the more you recognise the warning signs, the more you learn about yourself, and the more you can act authentically.

with a better picture of who you are, you're better at recognising what you actually want in the moment. I specify in the moment, because it's very easy to categorise yourself - I spent over a decade doing things because 'drbased would like this activity', as if I'm forced to behave according to someone's OC character sheet of myself. For example, when doing art projects, I feel as if I'm supposed to do a specific design because 'that's the kind of design drbased likes' - which actually makes the activity the opposite of creativity because I leave myself no room for the spontaneity of the human spirit; everything I do has to fit into a category. Recognising that I can just exist in the moment and not as part of some wider narrative has helped me immensely

learn to trust yourself - or, at least, humour yourself until you trust yourself. learning to humour myself is where this all started. I took myself and my point of view seriously, and as such was finally able to stop being embarrassed at being a human being. I approach everything from my own point of view now, and it's wild that I finally understand that that's what being human, being alive, existing is all about.

and here's the big one - or, rather, one continuous and contiguous chain of small ones - I have to actually do what I want, moment to moment. Since I lost the ability to recognise myself as a human being existing in the chain of cause-and-effect, I have to re-establish my relationship with said cause-and-effect. I have to re-attach some neurons, and the best way to do that is with consistent behaviour. I feel something I want to do, I have to do it instantly. The more of a gap I leave, the harder I make it in the long run. I still feel the tug of obligation stopping me from doing what I want to do instantaneously, so this is a long, perhaps a life-long journey for me. but I want that, no matter how exhausting it can get, because every moment I get to show myself love and prove just how serious I am about mending my relationship with myself. One very existentially terrifying thing I've learned is that the medium is the message - the very fact that you're making these gestures to yourself is something that your brain registers. And the simple fact, is, reality feels a lot better when you're directly engaging with it. It's tough, but it's incredibly rewarding and makes life better - remember, you only ever exist in the moment - so thinking of yourself as anything other than in the moment is a form of death of the self. Reinforcing yourself as part of the chain of causality is telling yourself you're alive and want to live.

Make no mistake: I am not completely out of it. I seriously damaged my relationship with my own self-hood and I am sure that I will always be struggling with this for the rest of my life. But how I frame my response to life's struggles is entirely different now - I am making this decision to engage with what I once percieved as the humiliation of mundane life because I can now recognise that for better or for worse, I'm the one living it. I'm the one feeling the feelings and thinking the thoughts and doing the actions. I am the center of my entire perception of the universe, this life is literally my own. I used to think of myself as having some obligation/responsibility to other people and the universe itself - but now I recognise that responsibility is, like, an actual real thing, instead of just getting marks on a test. If I do something bad, that actually hurts real people; and likewise, doing something nice is good because real people benefit. The 'responsibility' comes once again from the equally comfortable and terrifying realisation of my place in the chain of cause-and-effect. As part of that chain, I may have caused irreparable damage to my psyche, but I'm not part of a narrative where I must seek to 'fix myself' - I'm just a human being, and I want to live the best life I can because feeling good feels good, and that's what I want for myself because I care about myself. If I have to spend the rest of my life constantly asking 'what do I actually want right now?' then so fucking be it - because the alternative is a low-level hell of depression and PDA.

I will talk about social media and symbolic states in a reblog of this another time. But I hope this helps - I'm getting better at writing down the stages of what I did to help myself, and it's incredibly gratifying, and the responses I get are validating.

[axiian19-art]

Was rewatching some of the HSR animations and HE LOOKS SO GODDAMN HAPPY HERE AS AN OLD MAN HELP

rambling about blade / yingxing headcanons and ideas that I've thought abt or seen floating around

(his white hair, him not knowing what tech is, how the Mara permanently messed up his hands and muscle memory so he can't do what he loved anymore, etc etc)

Headcanon #1: white hair

Everyone except Dan Feng had white hair, and I'm p sure I mentioned this before but imagine

So Yingxing is the only short-life species right, and he's getting old and noticing it and realizing that compared to the others, he doesn't have much time left

And one of the others notices how melancholy he is, and how he's trying to hide it for their sake, and is like "hmm," before being like "hey what if we all got white hair but didn't tell Dan Feng"

And all of them know it's to make Yingxing feel less alone, but it's played off as a "hehe pranking Dan Feng" moment

Headcanon #2: old man blade not knowing how tech works

We see this a bit with current Blade and Silver Wolf, but I like to imagine it was still part of his personality to a lesser extent

He would have been the "old guy" of the group who was an expert with traditional crafts and technology, but not so much with newer things since he preferred to make things "the old way" or by hand, since it made him feel more connected with his work

Like, he would have kept up with the newer stuff being made and used it if it would have helped him with his work, but wouldn't have bothered with stuff like phones, computers, the internet, etc

So the others would always ask him for help with anything they broke, and he'd ask for help with anything internet or computer related

Headcanon #3: him knowing how to craft stuff besides weapons, armor, et cetera

This is a stretch but if his skills expanded beyond just weapons and armor he could probably help fix everyone's clothes (they'd probably get torn up in battle) or make little hand-made gifts and stuff like statues and jewelry and armor and cutlery

Like he also would have been an artist specializing in handmade things, but no one would have suspected him of making such tiny and delicate things until they got to know him

Headcanon #4:

So as Blade, he still has damaged hands and scars, and I've seen a headcanon of sorts floating around that the Mara focuses only on the wounds that need the most urgent healing, and leaves "minor" or less severe wounds unhealed

And the Mara would have focused on all the fatal wounds Jingliu inflicted while killing Blade, leaving other wounds to heal improperly

So now as Blade, his hands are too damaged to perform fine crafts and movements, except for swordplay, which he sort of got beaten into him by Jingliu

My other headcanon of sorts is that the Mara messed with his muscle memory, not just his ability to remember events

So his mind and nervous system are essentially too scrambled for him to learn any type of craft or fine motor skill except for swordplay (and maybe driving)

And I kind of feel like he would find some peace if he were still able to make things, sort of like how some people use embroidery or weaving or drawing as a coping method / escapism, but even that form of art / self expression has been taken from him

It'd be like if Robin permanently lost the ability to sing or if Serval suddenly became tone-deaf and couldn't play guitar

[christiansorrell]

Tacticians of Ahm - Monthly Update #2!

Full spread art by @helenacore depicting Early Graduation's opening field exercises!

Greetings Tacticians!

Tactician of Ahm's Monthly Update #2 is finally here! With it comes the early access version of the setting book, The Ahmian Almanac, which features its first sample region of Ahm, showcasing the style and structure of setting book I am hoping to create with the Almanac. The book will feature lore and locations, of course, but it will also feature more in-depth maps, new NPCs, unique equipment, a complete new Class, and more! I want to create a book that it as much a sourcebook chock full of new things for GMs to bring to the table as it is information about the world of Ahm and inspiration for adventures.

Thanks you so much for the continued support of and engagement with the game! I used more of the raised funds to commission more art from Helena Santana including a new, full-spread art piece for Early Graduation (at the top of the post) and a piece of Dekkin Von Lopesbane character art (also for Early Graduation). Plus, I've worked with Jean Verne on a second preview spread (see above) of our planned look and feel for the game's final layout, this time utilizing some of Helena's awesome art from Monthly Update #1!

Because of my delay of this update (it was originally slated for last month) and the update overall being smaller than I originally was hoping, I am delaying this month's price hike on the game so if you enjoy Tacticians of Ahm now is still a great time to get on board! Tell your friends to do the same! Next update, the price will rise by $5 USD and that will continue apace (barring unforeseen delays like the one I suffered this last month, of course).

Lastly, I recently ran the opening two hours of Early Graduation over on The Weekly Scroll. Check it out if you'd like to see the game in action and see how I run it as the GM!

PATCH NOTES - v0.8.3

Tactician’s Textbook

Clarified Conditions to apply until the end of target’s next Turn (as opposed to confusing wording regarding Rounds).

Renamed “Shield” Condition to “Ward” to avoid having the same name as a shield, the piece of equipment and updated relevant uses throughout the text.

Ward condition now explicitly blocks all damage AND any/all Conditions while in effect.

Updated Mage Ability - Barrier to include “May be cast on self (1 target maximum per use)”

Added clarifying text to Shields in Equipment section: “(does not block Conditions)”

Added clarifying text regarding applying multiple Conditions to a single target: “A target may suffer one or more different Conditions at the same time. If a target currently has a Condition, they may not be affected by that same Condition again (nor does it add turns of effect to the current Condition) until the current instance has ended.”

Gamemaster’s Guidebook

Added Boar (EL1) to Bestiary

EARLY GRADUATION

Added a massive new piece of art from Helena Santana to the title page, depicting the Tacticians sparring with Imperial Army soldiers during the Field Day exercises!

Added Boar (EL1) to “BATTLE: Wolves in the Woods” and adjusted combatant numbers at various party sizes to more accurately reflect typical intended difficulty.

AHMIAN ALMANAC (NEW!)

Lake Traecine region added, includes the following:

5 Major Points of Interest: New locations for your Tacticians to travel to and explore!

20 Calls for Aid: Adventure hooks and strange happenings across the region!

1 Class: New classes, accessible only to Tacticians who prove their worth!

11 Abilities: New combat skills, taught to those favored by a certain faction!

2 Enemies: New combatants, unique to the specific region or faction!

2 Relics: New guarded/lost pieces of equipment, be they mundane, magical, or corrupt3d!

2 Factions: New groups, wielding political, cultural, or magical power!

1 Shop: A New specialty establishment carrying new and rare items!

4 Characters: New NPCs for your Tacticians to meet, interact with, and fight alongside!

More detailed (placeholder) map of the region with travel paths!

[corpsepng]

Pls make a list of books you recommend to aspiring writers<3

Ok. Aspiring/burgeoning writer starter kit:

In writing anything you officially become a writer so that’s step one haha, no need to aspire too much. BUT. I’m going to soapbox for a bit using this ask as an excuse love u kissing u etc. So. This will barely be about books, but sort of the recipe of what I (personally and subjectively) think will help anyone who wants to grow their craft. (I know because I've been writing seriously for 14 years)

The act of writing is the best practice you can get but having a well from which to draw on creatively and skill wise in order to DO that practice is the trickier part. And sometimes we can be found lacking because we’re either NOT refilling that well enough, consciously enough, or only with the same sorts of things so it gets stagnant. This is a long one so I’ll shove it under the cut haha.

The recipe:

Study craft

Broaden horizons 

Diversify consumption

Consume with intention

Apply with reference

1) Study craft: this is the easiest to make sense of, right? I want to get good at writing so I read books about writing yada yada. Whatever you’re writing, it’s made up of a lot of moving parts, and you can dedicate time studying EACH PART, but figure out what you have the least experience with, or the most difficulty with, and start there. Also, before I go on to preach about why you shouldn’t solely stake your growth on some dusty old books, here’s some dusty old books I recommend:

The Elements of Style (strunk/white/kalman) (really quick and abbreviated advice, read every bit of this but remember: rules are important to know so you can decide which are worth following and which are in need of breaking for the pursuit of your goals. And nobodies perfect, or editors wouldn’t have a job)

Bird by Bird (Anne Lamott) (excellent work about fostering a process, important for everyone who finds themselves a little lost on how to just. Start)

Wonderbook (Jeff Vandermeer) (I haven’t read this one but knowing Vandermeers work this is on my TBR and I KNOW it’s going to be enlightening)

How to Read Literature like a Professor (Thomas C. Foster) (perfect for those who can see others stories working but unsure how to make their own work, I personally didn’t read much of this one but this will help people to more critically engage with what they’re consuming)

Save the Cat Writes a Novel/Joseph Campbells Hero’s Journey/On Writing and Worldbuilding/etc (all of these are on structure and craft in a concrete sense), I would recommend either choose one OR getting the abbreviated/digestible versions through YouTube because a lot of these can repeat themselves. I’m working on a playlist of writing craft/structure videos that I found helpful, so keep an eye out for that)

So. Studying craft should be a multidisciplinary process. Articles online, videos on niche media, books on craft or copying things from your favorites, looking for yourself in the movies you watch or fiction you read. Punctuation, prose, structure, rhetoric, character, world building, pacing, etc. Unfortunately, no matter how seasoned you become as a writer, you will always be learning new things about the craft itself.

It should be fun and I honestly feel like an enlightened little scientist when I see something that really cracks the open the magic for me (ex: scenes that serve more than one purpose are OF COURSE going to be more engaging that scenes with only one purpose- duh) (of COURSE magic systems should have a cost) (of COURSE the characters cant always win OR always lose)

2) Broaden horizons: consuming fiction and studying it is key to knowing how to reproduce it. We start with the training wheels of imitation before we ride away full speed into truly unique original storytelling. But the most impactful and thought-provoking stories are more than just fiction, so you need to know more than stories. Science, history, art, craft, math, music, cooking, psychology, religion, whatever!

Everyone always parrots “write what you know”, but what you KNOW can expand to influence what you write- so keep learning new things all the time and for fun, because you never know what could help your story. Your knowledge is not limited to experience alone, and research is your best friend. ASOIAF was so loved because George RR Martin loved not only fantasy, but British history. The Folk of the Air series is so loved because Holly Blacks special interest is faeries.

Note: this does not mean the study of OTHER PEOPLES trauma and experiences in an appropriative way, rather, become worldly. Because sure, knowing what a gunshot feels like adds realism, but I don’t care about realism if I don’t care about your characters or world. Science fiction is the best example of this: so many of those stories stick with us generationally because they’re pointing a lens back at humanity, asking big philosophical questions with science, which is something that touches us all.

But it doesn’t even need to be Big and Thematic like that. My dear friend @chaylattes has a project where she’s applied her love of plants to the world building AND plot, and has INVENTED whole plant species that enriched their work with something so exclusively Chay. No one else could write Andromeda Rogue because Chay, with specific interests and knowledge, put that specificity into the story.

3) Diversify consumption: surrounding yourself with more of the same means you’re going to regurgitate the same, derivatively. To be a hater for a moment: I can tell within the first chapter if someone only reads/watches one kind of media (m*rvel, fairy smut, grim dark nonsense, etc), and it’s distracting. When I read that derivative work, I’m not thinking about THEIR story. All I can think of is the people who did it first, and better.

Alternatively, the best work draws on the unexpected. Fantasy work taking notes from horror, science fiction including humanistic romance, romance with elements of mystery. RF Kuangs work feels so smart because she’s literally a PHD candidate who’s reading of academic writing. Cassandra Clares work is so interpersonally messy and hard to look away from because she watches a lot of reality television. 

Genre is less a set of cages to lock yourself inside of and more so the sections of a great big fictional playground- and you need to start playing. Rules, again, are guidelines that can be bent for the sake of your stories. I predominantly write scifi/fantasy/horror but some of my favorite stuff is literary fiction, historical nonfiction, thrillers, and poetry.

And if you can’t bring yourself to read different genres, it takes significantly less effort to WATCH different genres. Television and film are stories too, and can absolutely be learned from. 

4) Consume with intention: this is easier said than done. I, embarrassingly, admit that I did not have any reading comprehension skills until I was at least 19. I was consuming, but I wasn’t thinking a damn critical thought, just spitting it back out in a way that sounded smart.

Critical thinking skills (I say, on the website that historically lacks such a thing) are a muscle that needs to be exercised just as often as your writing muscle. Reading new work, studying craft, learning new shit- none of it matters if you can’t APPLY it all to a story. One can take a clock apart to learn how exactly it ticks, but it won't tell time like a watch until you put it back together.

The key is asking questions, all of the time about everything. That whole “why the curtains were blue” nonsense comes to mind, but if you want to be a good writer, (edit: a writer that cares about whether or not their work is vapid imitation of better work) learning to ask WHY the curtains are blue really does matters.

Ask why in ALL stories you consume, including your own. Why do Ghibli films make me feel calm? (Motifs of undisturbed nature, low stakes plots and quiet scenes of reprieve between action, characters that care about one another and aren’t afraid to show it) Why do I fly through a Gillian Flynn novel but take 8,000 years to read other books? (Concise descriptions, realistic but evocative premise, witty voice, contained and fast paced plot, an abundance of questions driving the mystery leading up to a satisfying crash of answers at the end) Why were the curtains blue, the coffee cup chipped, and the lipstick stain on the rim red instead of purple or pink? And why did the colors matter at all when the scene is about a father at a kitchen table? (You tell me!) Answers may vary.

You can put the work into learning the answer at the source (ie: listening to authors talk about their own work), or through the external interpretations of a critic (proceed with caution here), sure. These are even good when learning HOW to think critically if you don’t even know where to start. But your growth as a writer depends on your ability to answer your OWN questions. 

(Why do I feel tense in this scene? Is it because the character says they’re sweating and struggling to breathe? Is it because I’ve been told the monsters close? Is it because the sentences are getting shorter and the author keeps repeating descriptions of that monsters massive bloody teeth coming closer? Or is it because I know the gun in her hands has no bullets because another character already tried what she’s about to try?)

(Why do I feel sad in this scene? Is it because the characters mom just died? Is it because the character can’t even verbalize that sadness to others? Is it because none of the other characters seem to care enough to ask? Is it because of the wilted flowers in the corner? Or is it because there are daisies in the bouquet, and those were the moms favorite?)

I can nod and smile at 1000 opinions about “why X did Y and the end of Z” or “why X is Y and not Z” but how I felt when I consume something, how I was affected and how it made ME PERSONALLY answer my critical questions, that’s what’s important. That’s how we manufacture gay subtext in everything, because sometimes gay is a feeling as opposed to a fact.

Also, if those subjective answers are inconsistent among readers/viewers, the writer likely had their own intentions a little muddled. So, and I know I’m getting tangential but stay with me: romance. You know how you’re supposed to feel happy or convinced that the people falling in love are like, in love? And want to put yourself in that position or whatever? I CANNOT consume most romance media because it all comes off as categorically terrifying to me. I ask myself why the characters are doing what they do, reacting the way they react, saying way they say, and none of it feels romantic. I want to file a restraining order, and that’s the failing of the author, who did not make enough conscious choices in their work and accidentally created horror while writing their color by numbers trope slop of a “romance” novel. 

5) Apply with reference: is like taking all your ingredients and finally cooking. You want people to notice and respect when you add certain literary devices, descriptions, character choices, but not to the detriment of your work. Shows like stranger things are popular but divisive because their intertextuality and reliance on nostalgia bolster an otherwise unoriginal idea. They weren’t trying to reinvent the wheel, they were writing a love letter to Stephen Spielberg, and are riding that wave into the ground. But the fairy dick renaissance doesn’t feel nearly as palatable as season one of stranger things did because a lot of times they aren’t using the ingredients in their own way, rather, following the recipe to a T and selling it as new. Food really is the perfect metaphor and sorry in advance because I’m really going to run with it here lol. 

When I eat a meal, first of all I know I'm eating food, so don't try and trick me into thinking otherwise or I'll only get annoyed. I want to be able to taste all of what’s in front of me, spice, salt, sweet, bitter, etc and know what what you said you've fed me is really actually truly what I've eaten. One ingredient, or writing choice, shouldn’t overpower another, or surprise me so much I can’t take another bite. I shouldn’t try something you call “sauced and baked yeast patty garnished with fermented milk and smoked meat” and think “this shits pizza” because you didn’t even try to jazz it up more than what the instructions on the digiorno box said. I also shouldn’t bite into something you call a pizza and only taste bread because you really like bread and forgot that a pizza is more than just bread. 

But inversely, avoiding all ingredients gets you weird, nary inedible shit like charred milk reduction with lamb mist or whatever. Show me you have knowledge in your genre by referencing it AND remixing it, show me that you studied craft by foreshadowing properly or pacing well, show me you’re more than an AI writerbot by deepening your work with your unique and human influence, show me you read broadly by adding surprising ingredients, and show me that you mean every word you write because you made the curtains blue instead of yellow, and topped your pizza with pepperoni instead of pineapple.

Congrats on making it all the way through my rambling, hope I made sense and that this helped!

[ravenstargames]

✦ Lost in Limbo Devlog #6 | 10.03.23

And another month has gone by! 💜 For this one, you'll have to excuse my lack of eloquency, but this weekend has been really hectic for me personally, so my brain is struggling a bit to keep up :')

We are very close to receive our final grades for our master, but we are anticipating nothing but good (or at least not bad) news! With that being said, the team has picked up the pace again and we are feeling really good about it. Everyone is really excited to work work and work, so let's jump into it, shall we?

And what better way to start this devlog than with our handsome, our stupid, our magnificent Lord Amon, Golden Dragon of Dagalis? 🌟

As you can see, we have started working on the demo CGs and we are beyond excited! Our plan is to finish Amon's CG and snatch a few screenshots of the game to finally, FINALLY open our itch.io page! We don't want to spoil too much of the CGs but we still want to share a decent amount of stuff in our devlogs, so we'll see how we manage, hehe. We hope you like Lord Amon in this CG so far as much as we do, because Raquel is as per usual doing an impeccable job with our local himbgod! 💜

<<The voidbound, creatures born from the Midnight Tower's chest. Intelligent to a degree, they protect the Beyond —the tower's domain— from any trespasser. >>

This month we have started the concept art stage of our signature creature, the voidbound, and boooy is it looking good so far! Again, we don't want to spoil too much because we want you all to be surprised and spooked (hopefully!) when you play the demo and meet these little guys🖤.

I'm so glad Astro finally had a chance to put his creature design skills to use, because he's honestly fantastic at creating monsters and giving them just the right vibe. Consider yourself about to be scared or seduced if you are like me!

This month we finished our jugdment chamber! 💜 Aside from a few dust and smoke effects and maybe some small corrections along the way, this is another finished background for LiL's demo! There's a feeew more to go but with a little organization and plenty of force of will, I think we'll be able to tackle them all. Now that the first demo has less backgrounds, it's a fairer amount of work.

We also have had Kayden work on special "mini CGs" that will add to the immersion in certain scenes, but again, we don't want to spoil the whole demo content!

Currently, the demo script is sitting at 42k words, every option included. I'm hoping I can finish corrections either today or tomorrow and send the script over to Allie, our mighty editor! I already finished writing a breakdown of the characters and demo story for them to read, but I want to send both things at the same time. I know the writing is taking more time than we initially planned —in our first devlog if I remember correctly, I said I was already coding it, and I was— but it's for the benefit of the game. I don't want our demo script to be mediocre or to just be "good enough". I want to be proud of what I've written and I want my team and I to be able to be honest about this kind of stuff with the people that are looking forward to play our game 💜.

This month has been good overall. It has been difficult for me in personal matters, so I hope you forgive me for the usual typos or grammatical oopsies. This devlog was meant to be posted last night (GMT+2) but I was exhausted and didn't want to rush it :').

During October we are hoping we can work on as many art assets as we can, and if the script gets corrected and approved, maybe I can begin coding it very very soon!

As always, thank you so much for supporting us, for being here, and for looking forward to our demo! 💜 We hope we are living up to the expectations!

[annymation]

Okay, I know Valentine's Day just passed, but how would a Valentine's Day interaction go with Aster and Asha? What would each of them do for each other on Valentine's Day?

Sorry for the VERY late reply, haven't got much time to answer lately, and before I didn't have much inspiration for this one, but @uva124 gave me an idea, so here's a little Valentine's day story

Asha decided that for Valentine's day she'd make a painting for Aster, a painting of a field of purple aster flowers, with a beautiful night sky.

However, because she's quite the perfectionist, and not as skilled with painting as she is with drawing, she felt like the painting wasn't quite good enough no matter what she did. So for days before Valentine's day arrived she'd hide in her room trying to finish it, not letting Aster see it.

But then the day actually arrives and she loses track of time trying to finish it, before she knows it it's already close to night time

*knock knock*

"Asha? You're in there?" Aster asks worried from outside her room

"A-AH! Don't come it yet! I'm busy!" Asha has her hands and arms all covered in paint as she tries to hide her unfinished work behind a cloth

"I know, you said so earlier but... Valentine's day is almost over, do you wanna hang out?" Aster sounded a bit sad that they didn't even see each other earlier

Asha looks surprised noticing it's indeed sunset, she completely lost track of time "Oh no! Ugh I knew I should've used acrylic paint!" She says in frustration

(For those who don't know, acrylic paint dries way faster than oil paint, I'd know, I used to make oil paintings)

"What are you talking about" Aster says coming in the room, they see her covered in paint "*gasp!* You were painting!?" He smiles widely "I didn't know you knew how to draw AND paint too!"

"That's because I honestly don't know how to paint, this turned out a mess" She points to the canvas hidden behind a piece of cloth

"... Let me be the judge of that" Aster walks in and pulls out the cloth to see her art.

The night sky is full of white dots splattered around that do resemble stars, and the purple field of flowers looks quite messy because the flowers all sorta mixed together into one purple blur.

Aster looks at the canvas in awe while Asha covers her face in shame "It looks like a child made it, I'm sorry, I've wasted the whole day instead of spending time with y-"

"I LOVE IT!" Aster exclaimed hugging her tightly "It looks amazing! What do you mean "like a child made it"???"

Asha smiles at him, but she still feels insecure about the painting "I wanted it to be perfect"

They smile at her reassuringly "You don't have to be perfect, you just have to be you, and that's way more than perfect for me, okay?" he says while still hugging her

She blushes as a big smile stretches across her face, she hugs him as well "Okay heheh" she giggles a bit, feeling her heart flutter

"Now! It's my turn to give you a gift, come on!" Aster pulls her by the hand out of the room

They go to the cliff next to the tree Asha wished upon Aster

(I make a lot of romantic scenes take place next to this tree but come on it's a cool location)

They watch the sun set together, leaning on one another without really saying anything, just admiring the beautiful sight

Once the sun is gone and the stars start to appear, Asha says "That was a beautiful gift" holding Aster's hand

"Oh that wasn't my gift yet" Aster corrects her with a cheeky smile "OKAY GUYS! Do your thing!" Aster yells to the sky above them

Asha looks up, already excited to see what he got planned but... Nothing seemed to happen

"... Guys???" Aster asked the stars, already getting nervous they wouldn't do the one little favor he asked

Then, Asha sees it, a shooting star cutting through the night sky

"*Gasp!* You asked for a shooting star just for me?" Asha asks hugging his arm

Aster looks quite disappointed though "... No, I asked for a meteor shower, it was supposed to be A BUNCH of those, like come on, is throwing some asteroids around too hard???" They ask, frustrated that things didn't go as he planned

"Hehe you don't need to make a whole cosmic event happen to make me happy" She leans on their shoulder "I love just watching the sun set with you"

Aster feels his heart beating faster "And I love you"

"I love you too"

They kiss under the starry night sky.

A few more shooting stars can be seen passing by.

[veilantares]

LOST LOST really is 2023's theme for me. I spent most of this past year on my PhD project, so my output has been quite scarce overall - certainly so compared to the industriousness of years past. When I had chances to draw this year it was often like a gasp of air amidst a sea of my other efforts. "What's the next step forward?" I think at times. Consider the center drawing my face of course, because in real life I look like if cannonbolt was a sad refridgerator.

I started a new physical sketchbook and made some breakthroughs in my personal illustrations, but nothing I'm happy to share - in previous years I didn't have as much nervousness to experiment in public. Anyway this feels like a good opportunity to do a bit of a retrospective on the last ones of these I did.

In many ways 2022 was the best year of my work, I both did my most challenging (and correspondingly complex) pieces this year, and had the confidence to make several things a week. Past the initial few months I had really started to hone my mix of solid shapes, lineart and linelessness thats ubiquitous in my pieces now, though I wonder if I have grown too comfortable with the stability of a partial formula.

One disadvantage about only choosing nine pieces was that in wanting them to look good together I had to exclude a series of the coloured background pieces that interspersed the dark background ones. In those, I felt like a lot more of my effort went into the shape language, so there was a synergy with both approaches letting me understand things.

In 2021 I started using colours instead of grayscale, that years inktober could almost be said to be my best work, there was both a variety and scale to it..I drew something virtually every day for almost three or four months straight and crucially, I also shared it all after I was done. It really felt worth it planning art ahead, but also spontaneously filling the blanks it in the moment. That being said maybe that productiveness was not sustainable because I'd have very little time for much else after school, work and art.

Late in that year I realised I could just draw the things I like if I wanted, instead of the things I thought people wanted - so some of the later pieces really resembled discount warframes. That game has so deeply hooked itself into my visual library that I draw it even when I'm not intending to, and so when I started deliberately trying to evoke it (with very fledgling art analysis skills), I think I got more and more familiar with what I wanted.

In 2020 I was just starting out so I did not yet recognise there was something specific to aspire to - I dont have a retrospective montage like these other years for 2020. You can see virtually every piece I've ever uploaded on my instagram page, so I think I might not narrate as much about those in this post. Maybe in the future I'll review all these years through a completely different lens.

[roguesscribbles]

Sorry I've been so dead recently! I've got a little project going on that's taking up my art time. Hoping to unveil it soon!

In the meantime, here's my new OC! I made her for a Mass Effect DnD group I'm joining! Her name is Raina Akiyama, she's a human engineer that abandoned her smothering military life to explore the galaxy, settling on Illium following the Reaper invasion.

You can read the full backstory under the cut:

Raina Akiyama was always destined to join the Alliance Military. From the day she was born on an Alliance ship to two parents with a decent military ranking, she spent the majority of her formative years on various Alliance ships or bases following wherever her parents were stationed.

At the time, she could count how many times she has been to Earth on one hand. Her father was from Japan and her mother was from Britain, so she had been to visit family members that she doesn’t remember the faces of. Her upbringing was lonely at times, her parents were busy working and other children were not that common. However, with the absence of people, she found her love in the mechanical instead.

She could always be found tinkering away at some piece of tech she found, sneaking into the engine room to look at the inner workings or pelting the engineers with all sorts of questions. And the Alliance were happy to support these dreams of hers, educating and pushing her towards a career as an Engineer.

There was just one problem, Raina didn’t like the way the Alliance ran things. She was never a fan of the authority, of the training exercises and the expectation to give it everything she had, with instructors and crew members who were always a bit too strict with a child, most likely already seeing the soldier she would become. She always felt trapped, forced into enlisting, because where else would she go? She was raised here, with a line of family all expecting her to join as the next generation as they once did, and she knew very little of the habited planets that dotted the galaxy.

Eventually, when she turned 18, she enlisted officially as an Engineer, continuing her training and enhancing her skills. If there’s one good thing she can say, it’s that the Alliance provided her with almost unlimited funding to tinker with whatever gadgets were put in front of her. She became intimately familiar with both the massive hardware of the Alliance vessels to the weapons and armour the troops relied on. She never fully felt like she belonged, but she could at least surround herself with the things she loved.

Things changed about 2 years later. She was stationed on a small base with an equally small squadron. Something that was meant to be safe, somewhere to train her and other recruits. For the first time in her life she felt like she had friends, people she could rely on and actually talk to, who had her back. Things finally started to fall into place, and she started to feel that yearned-for feeling of belonging.

Then, the raid happened.

A group of bandits attacked the base in the night, where there was minimal activity. They wanted the equipment that they had in storage. It wasn’t even very much, they most likely saw them as easy pickings, and they weren’t entirely wrong. Almost all of her squad was killed in the incident, though in the end Raina’s squad managed to barely win. During the scuffle, a confrontation with one of the assailants left her scarred after they slashed her face with an omni-blade. When she came to in the medical wing of an Alliance vessel, she found herself blind in her left eye.

Her entire world came crashing down. Almost all her friends were dead, that belonging ripped away from her in an instant. She was back to the cold, sterile vessels with people who saw her as little more than an asset, who wanted her back up and running as soon as possible as if a great tragedy hadn’t just occurred. As soon as they were able, they installed a cybernetic eye in the one she lost, patching her up like a broken piece of machinery.

Not even her parents were here. They contacted her as soon as they knew she was awake, but neither of them could leave their post to see her. Something in Raina just snapped. She needed away from this place, away from the military. She expressed her concerns to her parents, but they disapproved, encouraging her to just get better and push on. This was the family way. That just made the need to leave even more prevalent.

She was able to push for her to be medically discharged, quoting physical trauma and PTSD. She sent one final message to her parents telling them she was leaving and not to contact her. She grabbed all her belongings and money that she saved, grabbed the first civilian shuttle she could and started exploring the galaxy.

Over the next few years, she moved from planet to planet, exploring and experiencing and just living. She met so many new people, made new friends and went on her own adventures. She used her skills for work, either taking on odd jobs or temporarily joining a crew, which improved her abilities even further. She began to discover herself more as a person, get better at social interaction and just breathe for the first time. Life was good.

Then, the Reapers arrived.

Once more her world came crashing down, but this time it was different. She wasn’t alone. She had been staying on Illium when the news spread, and it wasn’t long before the Reapers made their way to them. Raina sprang into action, helping wherever she could to help the planets militia fend off the invasion, as well as help the people who had been displaced and evacuated to the planet. It kept her busy, and when the Reapers eventually fell, her positive presence put her on a lot of people’s radars as someone who was reliable.

Following this, she decided to take up a more permanent residence on Illium. They may have fended off the attack, but there was always work to be done. Plus, as a mercantile hub, other planets more affected turned to them for aid. She never found herself short for work, and she was keen to continue to improve her skills with the variety of machinery and tech that passed through. She dreams that one day, she can open her own mechanics shop, and make her role on Illium that much more permanent. Because she belongs.

[tolbachik-art]

How does one become good at drawing planets

Hey, thank you so much for the kind words & the question!

I'm still definitely a beginner, and have a long way to go, but it really warms my heart to hear you say that. For starters, getting over any perfectionism you may have is a big must!

I know a lot of people always say this, but practice, time, patience, doing studies, and having fun are the most important ways to get better!

I'll walk you through my progress, and what I've done to get where I am today with things! I will warn you, it did turn out to be a long winded post. If you want the jist of it, you can scroll to the bottom!

So, I've been doing digital art since say, mid 2015 or so. I didn't have much of a grasp on art, and while I grew up loving space and space exploration, I didn't quite understand how things worked.

On August 2nd, 2015 (when I was just 15), I posted my first piece on DeviantArt.

This was my first foray into space art. It may not be the best, but I remember being very excited about it, and actually making a piece like that.

This first piece is a big sign of what issues I would face with space art until very recently; a lack of detailing, leading to a soft appearance.

This would plague me for quite some time; I would put very little effort into detailing, and wouldn't even zoom in on the canvas for quite some time. I would do things from afar, not wanting to zoom in for some weird reason. This can be seen in the following paintings, as well.

This one, also of Neptune, was posted two years after the first one. The framework is kind of there, but only barely. The perspective is off, and once again, the detailing is too minimal and too soft. On top of that, the shading isn't nearly as harsh enough. Compositionally though, I was starting to get a grasp of some basics.

There would be a brief artless period in my life from 2017 to 2020; every once in awhile, I wouldn't do art for a few years. Then, suddenly, I would get back into it and put out several pieces, all before growing quiet once more.

2020, once Covid-19 started happening, would see the return of me to the world of art now that I was suddenly without a job.

Once again, Neptune will be a demonstrator of how my skills changed.

I was starting to get there; in terms of composition, much better than my older works. Coloring is a bit off, but overall, I was starting to actually understand how art works, and why things like detailing were important. One big thing here though; I was still painting with color. That would be one of the last big things for me to get over, although I didn't even know it then.

From the period of 2020-2021, I made a lot of paintings and mission patches for my one friend's KSP youtube series (seen here).

Doing what were essentially mini paintings, I learned a *lot* about composition and detailing. I think the one I spent the longest on was Heywood, in which I did my best to follow imagery from Voyager. Looking back now, however, it isn't quite accurate; that's the south pole! I still had a lot to learn in regards to doing accurate portrayals of celestial bodies, down to inclinations and the like.

Anyways, doing all that really burnt me out, on top of doing free art for people I didn't even know. That's another big lesson; only do gift art if you feel up to it, and for a friend. Do not do it for strangers.

It wasn't until late 2022, in September, that I actually finished a piece again. My illness had been pretty bad, leaving me bedbound for quite some time. However, during that time, I hadn't lost my skills thankfully.

This would be one of my first somewhat decent portrayals of Jupiter and one of his moons, using SpaceEngine for getting reference images and making sure all the parts were in the right place. This would set the groundwork for later paintings, as I always use SpaceEngine now to make sure I have the orientations and sizes of things in the sky right! It's been an invaluable tool, I quite literally don't know where I'd be without it.

Anyways; after that, it was very sparse once more, up until quite literally this year. Sickness sprung up again, and I had a rough winter due to the loss of my grandfather to Covid-19, among other things.

2024 saw, in my personal opinion, the biggest and best change to my art yet.

PAINTING IN VALUES!!!!!!!!!

I cannot stress this enough; understanding what values are, and how to see them in every day life literally changed my entire perspective on things. On life! I cannot go outside anymore without comparing and contrasting values of objects and natural phenomena.

This was before values. Not bad, but still not great. Detailing was getting there. This is from March 27th, 2024, and was part of an art trade with @dan-asd of their worldbuilding project.

And this, this is 3 months later, from July 16th, 2024. Commission for @corvidist, my very first. This was a massive leap in the way I understood and processed the world around me, and in turn, what my art looked like.

Everything is in values. Your phone, with the seemingly pure black LCD touchscreen to the blue and purple phone case. The clouds, with their bright white tops and dark bottoms. The river, with the murky green waters contrasting with the bright orange stones. All values, just differing shades of gray with color added! Everything is light! Everything is the absence of light! Light is the entirety of your piece; you just have to understand where light falls, and where it doesn't.

Apart from that, everything is just rudimentary shapes and lines. The universe is made up of different kinds of lines and shapes. Entire worlds can be reduced to light and lines, people can be too. You just need to know what to look for, and how to process that into artwork.

I cannot stress how much understanding that, and doing tiny little paintings really helped me get a much better grasp on things.

Take some time, get a small canvas out, and paint your favorite celestial body. Take as much or as little time as you need, and just have fun with it. Play with color, play with values, whatever your heart desires!

Once you're done, take a step back, and compare it to the picture. Analyze what areas you didn't enjoy, and what areas you did. Look for what doesn't line up with the picture, and think of how you could better approach it. Think of how you can change the lighting to make it seem more real, what effects are needed to bring it to life.

Art is the process of taking what you love, and putting it to paper (digital or not!). Focus on what you enjoy doing; it will all come naturally with time. You'll start to pick up on things, big and small, that will bring your pieces closer and closer to what you want it to be.

And please, for the love of everything that is holy, have fun with it and don't overthink it! You will be so disappointed in yourself if you hype yourself up for a piece, only for it to come out not the way you expected. That's ok! That's part of learning! It can be disheartening, but if you take the time to look at how and why you don't like the piece, it'll come out so much better next time around!

Talk to people, too! Talking with my dear email-pal Eduardo was my first step into understanding astronomical art, and thinking on how to improve my work. He really helped me step into the right direction when I was just starting out, which I am still eternally grateful for to this day. I think of him and his work often; he really was a massive help.

In more recent times, talking to @whirligig-girl helped me to get a better grip on realism, and how better to portray celestial bodies. She was a huge help in giving me pointers for fixing up my View From Amalthea piece, as well as the ones that followed after. Talking to artists more experienced than you and getting critiques is always a huge help; it can really show you things in a new light!

Speaking of, don't be afraid to let a piece rest and marinate for a bit. A day, a week, or even a year. It doesn't matter. You will come back to it, and you will see new things you never saw before, and think of new ways to improve upon it. I have a piece that's been in limbo for YEARS, and I still have yet to actually get to paint it (the top one, the alien one (i will never finish that Uranus piece though lol)). I have it perfectly envisioned now, so waiting really did pay off in the end.

Essentially, it all boils down to this:

Everything is light, or lack thereof.

Don't overthink it, and have fun.

Do not do free art for strangers.

Everything is shapes and lines.

Step back and look at your pieces, deconstructing them in your mind or on paper.

Examine your everyday life, and see how everything interacts in terms of values and color.

Do studies, please god, do studies they're so fun and eyeopening

Warmup! Warm! Up! WARMUP!!!!! They are critical to getting your mind in the art headspace! You will feel less interested and less focused otherwise!

Don't worry about your medium, just do what you enjoy and works best for you! There is no such thing as a perfect brush!

Talk to other artists in fields you enjoy!

I love talking about art, I really could go on for hours, but I will stop myself here.

You decide what you get out of art; it's your skill, your time, so do what you desire! These are only anecdotes about my experiences with art; they aren't universal, but I do hope they've helped. If you have any questions, any questions at all, don't hesitate to reach out!

Lastly, here are two resources for you for any future artworks you may do:

I got this book many years ago, but the lessons it gave me were invaluable. I mean it; they helped me to understand the importance of doing studies, and for detailing!

Paid membership, but an organization dedicated to doing astronomical art. I have yet to join, but I've heard lovely things about it! Hoping to join later this year, funds allowing.

I will finally end this here. Thank you so much for the ask, and I hope you have a lovely rest of your day!

[denny-artsss]

Will you ever do scenarios again or are those not really your style anymore? No hate just was curious!! 😁

TW: mentions of: abuse, drug use, and other trauma related topics.

I decided to finally address this because I know it is not fair for all my followers to sit here and wait for me to post, to wait for answers, and get silence instead. I've been asked this question many, many times, and rightfully so everyone deserves an answer. I've been denying to answer this question for a long time, but it's time i face it and push my fears aside to answer this as much as it pains me to face the truth.

I have been going through massive traumatic events while I was writing the fanficts and the scenarios. Once i finally escaped my abusive relationship, I started to heal, but the aftermath is nonetheless still abundant. I've been forced into a straight relationship for a year, mistreated, verbally abused, neglected, manipulated, and guilt tripped to stay with this awful boy, because I cannot call that childish person a man. I've been coming out as a lesbian to him more than 20 times in that year, but he'll always tell me I'll go to hell for being Gay. He cried and made me feel like an awful person. And other really bad stuff that I may not even be allowed to say here, like being encouraged to take drugs just so he can take advantage of me.

Once I finally stood my ground and ended the relationship, my life started looking so much better. I cried, I cried of happiness when it ended.

The only downside to this is due to severe trauma and drug abuse, and I have lost a lot of my memory. I no longer remember how to write. Most of my writing skills are gone. I may write again one day soon, but for now, I am trying to heal, still.

Thank you to everyone who stood by my side, still liking my art, and to my friends who are my family and mean the world to me