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#i feel so betrayed too. because one thing is my stupid sick head thinking there's no amount of therapy or meds that could work for me
sudokuplayer · 4 months
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i'm so angry and heartbroken and i think this is all i will ever be
#no it's not pms :( Jeremy is still missing and i haven't slept well waiting for him#it's getting so cold too#all my ''''progress'''' this year means nothing to me#also my sister is here because she didn't have to work yesterday and today and my brother video called her not knowing she was here#and when she picked up he was all cheerful and happy and it sounded like they video call often#(he texted me only a few times when he moved to the north and not a single time since he moved to Argentina)#and when he realized she was here he sort of got quiet and asked if i was around and she pointed the camera at me which always makes me sic#so i didn't look or wave and i didn't say anything and he said “she's got he headphones on” and my sister said no lol and it was awkward#then she told him we are all sad about Jeremy and said me in particular#i've been so sad and moody and angry#i can't do anything because of this anguish i feel#can't read or watch movies because i can't concentrate#i watched the emperor's new groove the other day to cheer up a little but it made sad#nostalgia doesn't work for me when i'm down like this because i see through it lol and i remember i spent my whole childhood scared#i remember i was certain something bad would happen to me (and it did but not as tragic as what i was scared of)#i'm rambling. i should be journaling instead#...#Keanu is with me now and i can't even look at him without tearing up because i start thinking about Jeremy#it's so cold and he's probably hungry. if he's even alive#the cats are all i have. i spend more time with them than with the only 2 humans i can interact with without throwing up (mom and sister)#you know how they say cats mirror twhe personality of their humans :( Jeremy is exactly like me. my mom and siblings used to joke about it#he hides when people come over to the house:( he pees himself when strangers touch him :(#we have the vet come over so we don't have to take him out of the house#and the vet is the only person he's forced to see. he pees himself when she touches him too#i can't stop thinking about how he's doing if he's still alive because he gets scared so easily and he's so anxious#i'm so angry because i should go outside and look for him but i can't even picture myself out of this house#i feel so betrayed too. because one thing is my stupid sick head thinking there's no amount of therapy or meds that could work for me#but why is my family listening to me when i say these things. why don't they get me lobotomized or something#maybe it is a bit of pms#📓
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romanticintheory · 4 months
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HI I JUST READ YOUR "SIMON BETRAY YOU" AND YOU KNOW WHATTTT IT HURTS SOO GOOD OMG THANKS FOR MAKING THATT SJWISHWBSHSJSBWJSBWBS
...
and.. maybe can you write for a part two? pleaseee🥺
HIII TYSM IM SO GLAD YOU ENJOYED!!! here's a pt 2! i am very sick at the moment, though, so this might be a bunch of gibberish (i sincerely apologize if so). hope you like it <3
simon riley betrays you pt. 2
simon "ghost" riley x reader || pt. 1 || masterlist
☆ ☆ ☆
-miraculously, they let you go.
-you half expected someone to drag you out of the car with the barrel of a gun pressed against your temple with the intent to fire, but no. after a few excruciatingly long hours alone with your arms and legs bound, someone new came to cut your ties and let you loose.
-maybe they were just bad at their job, you thought. after all, why would they let you, essentially a witness, go free without any repercussions?
-a few years pass. you try to move on, but its impossible when your entire world was shattered in one night.
-you never heard back from your father since then, but that wasn't the thing that hurt the most. you couldn't go a single day without thinking about the sting of betrayal. any happy moment you had was spent comparing the time you felt that same feeling with him, before anything in the world was wrong to you.
-what's worse, there was something telling you that you shouldn't tell anyone about it even if you wanted to. a voice in your head kept telling you that maybe, maybe they're keeping you on a leash. maybe someone was watching you at this very moment ready to take you out the moment you spilled your experiences.
-in a way, your fears are confirmed when you meet simon again miles away from the last place you lived. you had moved for this exact reason; you never wanted to see his face for as long as you lived.
-it happens when you're walking alone in the street. you moved to this area specifically because you heard it was quieter and, more importantly, safer. but how much of that could you escape, really?
-your attacker approaches you as you're making your walk home from work, a kind of confidence on his face that makes the common individual want to roll their eyes.
-"what's a sweet thing like you doing out alone at night, huh?" he asks, his footsteps staggered like he's had one too many drinks.
-you give him the usual speel of, "oh, my friends are waiting for me... yeah, i've got a boyfriend. haha, i'm okay, no need to accompany me, thanks."
-your soft attempts at rejection only seem to agitate him, because next thing you know he's stepping toward you and putting a hand on your arm with a bone-crushing grip.
-"c'mon jus' let me-"
-his voice is cut off by the sound of a loud thud and the stranger's yelp of pain. it takes you a second, but you realize the defense on your behalf came from beside you.
-oh, thank god.
-you and your now injured attacker now adjust your gazes to sit on the silent newcomer. just like that, your settled sense of dread has come back and increased tenfold.
-there he was, with that stupid mask over his face and his hands curled into fists for preparation of what he was going to do next if the man didn't scurry off.
-"you'll leave," he says darkly under subtle pants, as if he ran before coming to your rescue. "if you know what's good for you."
-the stranger wastes no time in running off into the night, leaving you with your worst nightmare.
-for a while, you both stare at each other like you can't believe the other is real. it takes everything in you not to cry or beg him for answers. no, after everything you worked for, you're not going to throw away everything you built in the past few years to recover from him just to throw it all away now... right?
-"why are you here?" you ask coldly. "come to finish the job?"
-although your eyes were icy and your questions came with a rigid tone, there was genuine fear in your question. what if the soldier that untied you wasn't supposed to? what if you were supposed to be dead all those years ago?
-"no. never."
-even though he knows the reason why, his heart still hurts at the thought of you believing he'd just up and kill you like that.
-"really? that's rich," you scoff, except you're terrible at hiding the tremble in your breath and the tremors traveling through your body.
-spotting your growing fear, he scrambles for something, anything, to make you fear him less.
-"i was worried, that's all. after that night," he pauses, eventually deciding to skip the details of what he did to your father. "i didn't know where you went. thought i could just get over it, but i guess i just knew i needed to check in on you just in case."
-you resist the urge to roll you eyes. "right. you're back again to 'check in on me'? to come back and meddle in my life again?" you're struggling to keep your tears back as they form in your eyes. "you've already taken so much. how selfish can you be?"
-he stares at you for a moment before slipping his hand into his pocket and taking out a gold watch that belonged to your dad.
-"i'm sorry about your father, but you have to understand that he-"
-"not that, simon. it was never that," you push his hand away and the offer that came with it. his eyes became confused. "i mean you. it's always been you. you just come into my life telling me you love me, that you want to be with me so much and then just take that all away? and you never even bothered to tell me it was a lie, just let me get tied up by some stranger to be left alone and scared!"
-there's a new look in simon's eyes at your words, but it's hard to decipher them from behind the mask.
-"it wasn't a lie," he says slowly, lowering the hand with the watch in it back to his side.
-"oh, please." the trembling has not died down in the slightest. "i bet you're still mad that worker of yours took pity on me and let me leave before you could do anything about it. like i said, back to finish the job."
-your eyes are now trained on the ground. there was a conflicted feeling in your body at the moment. on one hand, this was the man that let you get tied up and left in a car while he "handled" your father. on the other, this was the man you loved. the one who was kind to your ever desire, who always understood you in ways you never knew possible.
-"i told them to let you go," he finally manages.
-"what?"
"i..." he hesitates. "i told my captain that if i was going to give them your father's location, they were to let you go no questions asked when the whole ordeal was over with." and it was true. he hated even imagining poor you, being interrogated by his colleagues in an isolated, barren room. you had been through enough.
-and even if you had been a part of your father's scheme, there was a part of simon that loved you too much to care (though he'd never admit it to himself).
-it was a good thing price trusted his judgment. he didn't know what he would've done had he said no.
-the tears are now streaming down your face and you can do nothing to stop it. it all felt like so much. you were so, so confused. if he did love you, why did you feel this way? how much of this could you trust?
-cautiously, he goes to wipe the tears away from your face, murmuring a quiet, "hate it when you cry." for a second, it was a familiar feeling. you felt like you were back in your shared flat with simon while having a breakdown over life's struggles. in moments like those, you never would have expectated that life's struggles could take the form of simon himself.
-you can't help but lean into his touch. maybe you were insane for allowing him to touch you like this, but you wanted nothing more than to let him into your life again. the resolve you worked so hard to build was crumbling away the longer you spent with him.
-"the reason it took so long for me to find you..." he's holding your face in his hands, now. "for so long, i thought i ought to leave you alone. i know i should. i wasn't lying about when i said i was worried if you were still alive, but," he swallows the lump in his throat before continuing. "i also miss you. 'nd i know, 's incredibly selfish of me after everything i've done to you, but i can't help it."
-one of his hands leaves your face to slide the mask and balaclava off his face. there he was again, his aged brown eyes and soft jawline, the sides of his face littered with small scars you still remember to this day.
-"i'll make it up to you," he whispers. "anything you ask, i'll answer. about my past, your father, anything. you ask me to get you something, i'll have it for you wrapped all nice 'nd pretty. hell, i'll get on my knees and pray to you if you order me to, love."
-it was like your nightmare turned into a fantasy, having him here begging for your forgiveness.
-"anything you want, i want to give to you. jus' let me be a little selfish, too."
-you bite your lip as you think it over. you know the correct answer would be a clear, hard no, but you can't bring yourself to do it. not after all those nights wishing he was encasing you in his arms again, whispering all the things he adored about you as you drifted off into sleep.
-as much as you shouldn't be believing him, you do.
-"...anything?" you ask hesitantly, and it takes everything in simon not to pull you in close and never let go.
-again. no, he needs to be sure he won't scare you off again.
-"anything," he promises, fingertips tracing the edge of your jawline.
-"okay," you agree, the tears finally having stopped flowing. happiness does not even begin to describe what simon was feeling. "for starters, you can walk me home."
-with the watch long forgotten and broken on the edge of the sidewalk, he holds your face for a bit longer before letting go. eventually, he offers his arm to you and you take it.
-there's a part of him that mourns the years lost that he could've had with you. maybe, if he came to you sooner, he wouldn't have to be so careful about being around you, now. but, no, these were the consequences of his actions.
-at the very least, you were still giving him a second chance, and he was intent on not fucking it up this time.
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evergone · 6 months
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Star-Crossed Lovers
Rindou Haitani x Reader
Warnings: 18+ content (Allusions to sex, drinking), references to underage drinking (I do not condone or promote these behaviours), angst to fluff
Description: Everyone knows that when Rindou and the reader break up, they always end up back together, but this time something feels off.
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You and Rindou broke up every other week.
When people asked how long you’d been together, you’d argue for hours on end about which break-ups counted and which didn’t. You liked to say you’d been together five years — ignoring the break-ups that occurred in the middle. Rindou, on the other hand, was adamant that every little break-up counted.
Yes, that included the time you broke up with him because he wouldn’t let you buy two of the same dress just in case something happened to the first one. It included the time he broke up with you because you absolutely demolished him in Monopoly. It included the time you broke up with him because he didn’t come home for five days straight. It included the time he broke up with you because he didn’t want to see you get deep enough into his gang business that you couldn’t get out.
So, after five years of dating — or three weeks, by Rindou’s standards — it became relatively obvious to everyone including yourselves that no little issue could actually spell the end of your relationship. The two of you were invariably intertwined. Star-crossed. At any given point in time, the most important person to you was him, and to him was you. There was nothing, truly nothing, that you couldn’t overcome together.
Except this break-up was different.
You could taste it in the air. Bitter. Empty. Soulless. There was hatred there, between you and Rindou, and it seemed that star-crossed lovers were truly just a thing of fiction.
It started out as just a petty argument. You had pointed out an engagement ring at the local jewellery store that you thought was just the most gorgeous thing in the world. It was vintage, from the mid-nineteen-twenties, and it was perfectly your size. You suggested, only half-jokingly, that he buy it and keep it in his pocket for the right time. Afterall, you were twenty and neither of you were getting any younger. But for some reason, some stupid, stupid reason, he completely freaked out.
“I’m not ready for that, Y/n!” Rindou’s head whipped around so his cold, violet gaze bore holes right through you. “How am I even supposed to know you’re the right person for me?”
The very same eyes that had just sent a chill through your entire body then betrayed his composure. Like a mirror struck by bad luck, they shattered, softened, and tried to reason with you wordlessly.
“We’ve been together five years and you don’t know if you want to marry me one day?” You asked him, both furious and heart-broken.
“Three weeks,” he said. Muscle memory. That was always his response to the whole ‘five years’ accusation, it was supposed to be funny, but in the moment it reeked of this sense that he was sick of you — ashamed of you, even.
Rightfully, you stormed out of the store, but he was hot on your heel, pleading with you to just stop and listen to him. By the time you had your keys in the lock of the driver’s door to your car, he was practically on his knees. It was a mistake, he didn’t mean anything by it, you had to understand that he was just so caught off-guard!
“Caught off-guard?” You scoffed, “How could you be caught off-guard when we’ve been together this long?”
“We break up so often, Y/n, I just didn’t think…” He didn’t know what to say, or how to justify his reaction. Rindou knew that at some point in your lives the two of you would probably be married, but he hadn’t really thought too seriously about it.
You rolled your eyes, “Take your brother, and get out of my house.”
For the next month, Rindou and his brother, Ran, crashed at Madarame’s. Ran had been whining the entire time about how much of a downgrade their living situation was since Madarame’s apartment stunk of his horrible cologne, and none of them were as good at cooking as you. You’d received about a dozen phone calls a week from him, each one begging you to either forgive Rindou, or at the very least, drop a meal off for them.
“We aren’t friends anymore, Ran, Rindou has ruined everything. Don’t call me again,” you told him eventually.
Everyone was feeling the effects of the break-up. Gang violence in Roppongi was at an all-time-high because Rindou was beating so many people up just to expel as much of the anger as he could. In meetings with the rest of Rokuhara Tandai, he was hardly focused, and would walk out having no idea what had just been discussed.
Rindou’s friends had tried in vain to convince him that this break-up was just the same as all the others — that the two of you would be back together in no time — but even they weren’t sure it was true. The days were getting longer, they were being drawn out into an agonising picture of the proverbial end, four horsemen and all, and it was becoming increasingly obvious that you weren’t interested in getting back together with him. It had just been so long.
It was unsettling to Rindou when he saw you for the first time since the day he moved out of your house. You didn’t notice him as he took in the dark semicircles under your tired eyes, and the slight limp you were carrying yourself with, and he was glad you didn’t. He could tell you hated him — he could feel the hatred oozing out of your pores and spreading all across the grocery store you were shopping in. There was no chance of you ever getting back together. He had just fucked up way too badly.
The past five weeks had been hell for you.
You had sprained your ankle really badly when you kicked your couch violently only moments after throwing all Rindou and Ran’s things at them from your front porch. Daily living had become far too difficult to handle on your own. The shelves in your kitchen were always too high to reach, so Rindou would grab things from them for you, but with him gone you had to maneuver yourself onto the counter with your one good leg and pray to God that you wouldn’t fall. The doctor had told you not to drive for as long as it took to get full rotation back in your ankle, so you were having to walk everywhere. You’d been late to work almost every day.
Despite everything, it would’ve been at least helpful to have Rindou around. Whenever something like this would happen to you, he was always there. Once, when you broke up after he got put in juvie, and you were having a rough time adjusting, he sent some of his friends (goons) to help you cook, and clean, and stay on top of your homework. You sighed at how nice it would’ve been to have that kind of support.
Between the constant calls from Ran, you’d also spoken to Madarame and Kakucho on the matter. Madarame had called before he realised the severity of the break-up to ask when you’d be “having your boys home” because he was sick of not being able to bring girls back to his house. Kakucho, on the other hand, had shown up at your door in his Rokuhara Tandai uniform, disrespecting a rule you had put in place that they weren’t to bring their gang affiliations anywhere near your house.
“Walk with me,” he ordered, and ignored you as you started to preach about how he had no right to speak to you that way. Together, you walked silently through the city, your eyes stuck to the concrete rivers you navigated through.
“Where are we going?” You asked him eventually, bored of the awkwardness and of being told off by some kid.
“Whatever’s happened, you need to forgive him,” Kakucho said, “You know you’re going to anyway, so I really don’t understand what all this mess is about.”
You scoffed, “He hasn’t apologised.” He frowned, so you continued, “Kakucho, he hasn’t so much as called me! I’m terrified that I overreacted, or that I didn’t try hard enough to resolve it… I - I really don’t know what to do. I think he hates me.”
When Kakucho didn’t say anything in return, you left him in the middle of Roppongi by himself, and went home to drown your sorrows in the beers still left in the fridge.
The alcohol relieved some of the pressure of the tense break-up, and that was more than a good enough reason for you to decide to get drunk every night for the next three days. Some of your friends from high school invited you out clubbing that Thursday, and you hadn’t the mind to refuse them. So, you got dressed up in your shortest black dress, and your best pair of heels (you had to redo your makeup after remembering they were a birthday gift from Rindou), and you skipped the line at a club owned by an acquaintance of Mocchi’s.
Inside, you were passed shots by every guy who managed to get within a one-metre radius of you. Nothing like that had happened to you in so long since it was just common knowledge through Roppongi that you more or less belonged to Rindou. You supposed that everyone knew that you were completely, definitely single for the first time in five years, and were taking the opportunity presented to them.
As you threw back another shot of fireball, cringing at the taste, your arm was grabbed by an all-too-familiar hand. Violet eyes made contact with yours, and a spark of electric panic — or perhaps it was passion — jolted through you until you took in the rest of the person’s appearance and realised it was not, in fact, Rindou, but Ran.
“Y/n!” He shouted over the ear-destroying-ly loud music, but you couldn’t tell whether you were actually hearing him or just reading his lips. He was grinning with delight. “What the hell are you doing here? Are you here to see Rindou?”
You bit your lip and frowned as you stretched your neck to search behind Ran, “Is he here?” You asked.
“Yeah, duh, we always come here. I’m starting to worry that you won’t get back together at all, the rate this is going!” Ran chuckled, but you just stared at him, mortified, and stole the wallet from his pocket. “Wait — Hey!”
Turning back to the bar, you ordered another three shots with Ran’s card, and downed them all as fast as possible. By the time you were done, your eyes were beginning to water, and you could feel the last three, or four, or maybe it was eight shots starting to settle in.
“Oh… Princess… Come, let’s sit down somewhere,” he cooed and you tried to scrunch your nose at the nickname, but you were falling way too far and way too fast into the alcohol spiral to have full control of your facial muscles.
Ran carried your stumbling form to a circular booth on the side of the dance floor, and slid you through to the back, resting your head on someone’s shoulder to your right. He rubbed circles on your arm as a couple tears escaped the pool at the bottom of your eyes. Above you, you could vaguely hear the owner of the shoulder trying to quietly yell at Ran, so you pulled your head off of him to give him some space. As you did just that, you caught a glimpse of the shoulder-owner in question.
“Rindou?” You gasped, your voice so loud it was clear over the music.
A glance back at Ran who was sitting there with a shit-eating grin, then you were right back to looking at Rindou. His pupils were just as large as yours, and his eyes open so wide that his irises were just spots of violet in an ocean of white. His blue and blond hair was so gracefully framing his cheeks, neck, and collarbone that you thought you might faint just at the sight, and he was wearing an old Adidas tee that sat perfectly on his body.
“Y/n,” Rindou breathed. He reached a hand out towards you, and you let him stroke your cheek with his thumb.
“You didn’t call,” you pouted, and your tears started to pour down over his fingers.
Rindou signalled that it was time for the other people in the booth to leave, and they did so with an ounce of hesitance. Boys were always more nosy than they were given credit for, especially the ones Rindou was friends with.
“I thought you hated me,” said Rindou in a sombre tone.
The only thing keeping your head from rolling backwards was his hand holding you up, and you were glad for it, as it gave you the visibility to squint at him. After the many, many, many times you had taken him back, how could he possibly think that one fight about a possible marriage would make you hate him? You were angry, sure, but only for a couple days. It had softened to sadness so quickly that you’d given yourself whiplash.
You reminded him of a half-dozen of the past break-ups. The time he threw you into a puddle of mud right before a school assembly, the time he joked about sleeping with one of your closest friends, the time he forgot to get you a birthday present, and all the others. He was prone to mistakes, but he always learnt from them. He was always trying so hard to do right by you. And you always took him back.
“I could never hate you, you’re the most important person in my life, Rindou.” His face lit up. “When you didn’t call me immediately, I thought I’d completely overreacted and pushed you away! I thought you hated me.”
For every break-up caused by Rindou, another had been caused by you, you were a dysfunctional couple like that, and both of you always resorted to the extremities rather than just sitting down and talking about your emotions. When you were twelve, you misplaced the study notes for the maths test he had the next week; when you were fifteen, you would flirt with adults outside of liquor stores to get them to buy you drinks; when you were seventeen, you stood him up on your anniversary. He broke up with you each time, and each time you always ended up back together.
“I shouldn’t have said what I said. I do want to marry you one day,” Rindou explained.
You slipped your hand under his, and shooed him away from your face, “You had a point, though.” He tilted his head in confusion. “We break up all the time. We’re not exactly stable enough to be thinking of marriage… In truth, I think we’re a bad couple. Toxic, even.”
“Don’t say that. We’ve been together five years!” He said with a mix of anger and light humour.
“We’re not even together right now, Rin,” you told him matter-of-factly, though your words had slurred together a little, taking much of the authority out of them.
“Take me back, then,” he suggested, but you shook your head and then gagged at the motion.
Rindou helped you up and out of the club, and the two of you sat on the side of the building, feeling the vibrations of the music beating through your bodies. The streets were busy with people, but it was so quiet in comparison to what the last few hours had been for you that you revelled in it like silence. While you vomited a couple times (you got a bit of it on one of your heels which prompted you to vomit once more), Rindou held your hair back.
Once you were finished, you leaned against him, and his hand wrapped around your waist to hold on to you so securely that you could tell he was scared it would be the last time he ever got the chance to do so. You looked up at the sky, but the lights of the city were so bright that there were no stars up there to guide you.
“Do you think we’re meant to be together?” You asked Rindou, “Like, do you think that, in another universe or timeline or whatever, we’d be together as well?”
He took a deep breath in, “All I know is that if I got the chance to live my life all over again, I would choose to do it all the same.”
“You love your life that much?” You smiled softly.
“I love you that much.”
In a predictable turn of events, you would find yourself waking up in your bed the next morning, Rindou by your side. Your house would be full of his and his brother’s things by day’s end, with a letter of gratitude placed in your mailbox by Madarame, and the very ring that had caused the whole mess sitting on your breakfast bar. You would ask your boyfriend to explain himself, and he’d shrug and reply that it was just a promise. He was going to put it somewhere safe, and one day, when the two of you had been break-up-free for a sufficient amount of time, you’d get the chance to wear it.
But in that moment outside the club, you didn’t much care to think how your morning would be. The breeze was cold, but you could taste the air, and it tasted like bliss.
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Alexander Hamilton
Pairing: Buck x Eddie Diaz x Reader
Word Count: 3.1k
Notes: You know that line in the song “Burn” that’s like “I see how you look at my sister” I literally named it this all because of that bwahahahahaha me
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“Yo Diaz! Your girl is here” 
Eddie’s cheeks are pink as he comes down the stairs. Hen already has her arms around you, giving you a big hug before Bobby pulls you into his arms and gives you a kiss on the head 
“Hey kiddo, it’s been a while” He smiles as Eddie comes over with Chimney 
“Okay, Did we miss the whole “my girl” thing? Because it feels like it” Eddie jokes as Chimney shoves him aside to hug you first 
That’s everyone!…well, almost. 
Buck is overly concentrating on making his sandwich, he’s got to get his lettuce on just right or he might as well throw the entire damn thing away. His hands are shaking as he glares at the sandwich, carefully trying to place the lettuce. 
He can hear your laughter and the little giggle he knows all too well. The one when Eddie wraps his arms around you and says in that stupid deep voice of his 
“Hello gorgeous” Buck mouths along with him, making a face. And he mocks said little giggle and bats his eyelashes 
“Hey Superman” 
He also knows what’s coming next.
“Wait, where’s Buck??” 
Couldn’t you just leave him alone?? Just this freaking once. Because he can’t help himself, and he’s never felt so guilty in his entire life. He’s betraying Eddie’s love and trust in him, he’s betraying their friendship he’s betraying that weird little tug he feels whenever they’re in the same room together. 
He’s hopelessly in love with you 
“I think he’s upstairs, eating” 
There’s nowhere to run as he hears the thud of your platforms coming up the stairs, he can hear Eddie following you, can tell by the sound of little slaps and you calling him a perv as he laughs 
“Buck??” 
His breath catches in his throat as he looks up at you, he absolutely melts on this spot. His body relaxed and a soft smile on his lips. You look so pretty today, you look pretty every day he’s sure but today you look especially pretty.
Oh yeah, he’s definitely in love. And it’s going to get his ass kicked and his brain punched out and like some other weird third thing Eddie can come up with. Though he’s not sure how Eddie would punch his brain out 
As you come closer his heart starts to beat faster, his palms start to sweat, and that’s when he realizes something very very important. 
You’re wearing his shirt. What are you doing wearing his shirt??? How are you wearing his shirt? Where did you even get his shirt? Why is Gamora?! 
He’s too distracted by his own screaming thoughts to notice the way you look at him short-circuiting. Eddie chuckles quietly behind you and you turn to him, giving him a little smirk. 
“Hellooo?? Buck? Anyone in there?” You wave your hand in front of his face and he snaps out of it, blinking slowly. The shirt is tucked into the front of your skirt and it falls on you so nicely and you look so cute it makes him sick 
“Oh- uh- shit- sorry shit. Fuck, wait I shouldn’t say that in front of a lady wait let me start over” 
You look up at him, nodding along slowly with a silly grin on your face as you wait for him to start again and Eddie laughs, his head falling back 
“Hi Y/N, it’s nice to see you,” He says calmly, his hand on his chest and you curtsy, holding up the sides of your skirt 
“Hello kind sir, might I have a hug?” You say in a posh accent, trying to hold back a laugh and he groans, shoving you backward 
“Oh shut up!” 
“Didn’t you literally launch her half-naked ass out of bed last week when you slept over so you could sleep in the middle next to me?” Eddie comes over, sipping his coffee and you turn back to Buck, your hands on your hips 
“I literally had my body on your body! And you think cursing in front of me is an issue? I thought we were friends” You pout at him, your eyes wet and wide. You make a little whimpering noise and he crumbles, yanking you into his chest and crushing you against him. You let out a little oof as you hit his chest, your arms wrap around his waist and he can feel his heart lurch. 
You belong there, you fit so perfectly in his arms, into his body, into his life. He looks down at you as you look up at him smiling 
“There’s my Buck” You whisper and he cups your face, his thumbs smoothing over your cheeks as he stares into your eyes, those beautiful eyes that constantly haunt his dreams 
“Y-your Buck?” He repeats, and he swears up and down your eyes flick to his lips for just a second. 
Eddie can feel the tension radiating between you two as he stands there sipping his coffee. He’s been making fun of you daily for your crush on Buck. Whenever you try to make fun of him for his crush, he says he “freely owns up to it” which is hilarious considering he’s never done anything about it because “he was scared to ruin their friendship”
No, he was scared Buck would reject him.
“So why are you wearing his shirt?” Eddie sets his cup down and Buck recoils away from you, his hands immediately stuffing themselves into his pockets 
“Uh- yeah!” He coughs awkwardly and runs a hand through his hair, tugging at it a little “What’s up with that?” 
You look over at Eddie, he’s got a shit-eating grin on his face and you could just rip that stupid mustache off his face because he knows what he interrupted
“It was on your floor,” you tell him, a little edge to your voice, “I thought it was yours” 
“I’m pretty sure we wear different sizes” Eddie mumbles as he reaches out for your hand, you take it and he pulls you over to him slowly, appreciating the way Buck's shirt hangs on you, looks almost as good as his own 
“I think you look good in it… right?” He cups your face, a mirror image of what had just been happening and he looks over at Buck for a moment before leaning in and kissing you. His hands slide down to your sides and he pulls to into his body, bending you back a little 
“Eddie!” You giggle and kiss him back, moaning into his mouth as he slips his tongue past your lips, you melt into his arms as your tongues tangle together and he lifts you onto the counter. 
"S-so good" He mumbles, his sandwich definitely long forgotten about as his eyes travel over both of your bodies
Buck hasn’t looked away, not once. He couldn’t even if he tried, he watches Eddie’s hands slide under your- no, his shirt and grip your waist. Your fingers trail over the front of Eddie’s work shirt, feeling over his chest and fumbling to unbutton it when Buck finally gains his senses back 
“Jesus-“ It comes out more of a breathy moan and that gets both of your attention. 
“You realize we’re at work right?! L-like our entire team is downstairs??” 
He tries to recover, he’s wringing a dishcloth in his hands nervously as he looks around frantically because someone is going to fucking catch him thirsting over his best friend and his best friend’s girlfriend. He’s not sure when Eddie got into his equation, but seeing your hands slowly unbuttoning Eddie’s top made him want to see what was under there. You know, even if he already knew technically 
“We’re just kissing” you tease him, tilting your head as Eddie slides his hands up your thighs now… hiking your skirt up higher
Buck whimpers, watching your skirt ride up, and Eddie chuckles into your shoulder, laying his head against it. He turns to look at Buck, biting his lip before lifting his head 
“He’s right baby, we could get caught” He helps you down off the counter as you groan and whine and Buck can finally fucking breathe 
“Oh don’t be such a brat” Eddie scoffs and smacks your butt, making you squeak.
“Why does he get to make us stop!” You point a finger at Buck and Eddie shrugs. 
“He’s cute?” 
If Buck wasn’t already a sweet shade of crimson he’d be on fire probably. His mouth drops open and your eyes widen playfully before you giggle 
Your reserved only for Eddie giggle 
“Yeah I s’pose he is, isn’t he?” You turn to look at him, your hair spilling over your shoulder and Buck loses his breath. Because there you are, in all your beauty and your equally as hot boyfriend standing against you now, his arm around your waist and he suddenly feels this visceral need to just be standing behind you as Eddie kisses one side of your neck and he kisses the other
He can just feel you against him, the way your head would tilt up to look at him, your eyes hazy and half-lidded. His cock buried so deep inside you as Eddie ate you out at the same time, occasionally licking the base of his dick 
He’s not sure how long he’s been staring into space, but you’re in front of him now, taking the towel from his hands before he rips it apart and setting it on the counter 
“I’ll come pick you up after work, Eddie” You give him a nervous smile and kiss him and he nuzzles his nose against yours before kissing you back
“Alright baby girl”
You look up at Buck, resting your hand on his arm and he shudders, a full body shudder as he feels your soft skin on his 
“You still coming for dinner tonight? It’s okay if you can’t” 
You give him an out, a way to not be sucked into whatever it is that’s about to happen. It’s okay if he doesn’t want to, you’d understand and it would hurt, but you’d understand if he couldn’t be in a relationship with you and Eddie. 
“I don’t know,” He says shakily and you nod, a little smile on your face as Eddie goes to walk you out. 
Eddie’s in the locker room later, changing into his civvies. He pulls his shirt down over his head and straightens it out. He and Buck haven’t talked since the whole kitchen debacle. In fact, Buck has been actively avoiding him for the last three hours and he’s starting to panic. 
That’s a lie, he’s been frantically texting you for the last three hours saying Buck won’t acknowledge him and he doesn’t know what to do about it and you’ve been frantically texting back, both of you in all caps, telling Eddie to be cool it’ll be fine just be cool and that you both have to be like normal about it! 
Eddie grabs his bag from his locker and shuts it
“Hey uh, Y/N is gonna be here soon, said she’s on her way” he waves his phone, sighing as Buck still doesn’t look at him. 
“So… I just. I want to apologize for earlier” 
Buck’s hands stall over the zipper of his bag 
“I, I might have- Okay well I know I probably crossed a line. I shouldn’t- I shouldn’t have called you cute and-“
“Do you think I am?” Buck finally freaking talks just as they hear the truck’s horn honk from outside. He grabs his bag and starts to walk out and Eddie trails after him, a little dumbfounded
“Shit- I mean. Yeah. You are” 
Eddie opens the front door of the truck and leans against it, gesturing “You comin?” 
You perk up as you unbuckle your seatbelt to get in the back so Eddie can drive, Buck looks at you frowning a little 
“You changed?” 
You’re wearing one of your crop tops now instead of his shirt, in fact, you’ve got it nicely folded on your bed at home in order to give it back to him 
“Uh- yeah,” You say quietly and he shrugs as he pulls himself into the truck 
“Damn, I thought you looked nice in it.” 
The drive back is way less tense than it's been, the radio plays quietly in the background as the boys tell you about their days. You’re lying across the seat laughing as Eddie pulls into the driveway. Buck told you all about how Eddie slipped getting out of the truck and went rolling under it. 
“I could have been hurt!” He yells at you and Buck cackling as you’re walking away from him and to the house. You unlock the door and both boys toss their bags into the corner. Eddie's arms wrap around your waist again and he lifts you, you wrap your legs around his waist and smirk a little 
“We’ll be right back” Eddie’s already kissing your neck, his voice is muffled 
“Make yourself at home!” You say cheerfully like he doesn’t already have half his laundry here anyway as Eddie jogs back to your bedroom. You laugh as he kicks the door shut behind you and tosses you down on the bed. He pulls off his shirt and stands over you as you lay in bed with your legs open
“Did he say anything?” You ask quietly as he removes his pants next and throws them to the pile on the floor 
“He just asked If I thought he was cute” Eddie sighs. He crawls up the bed and rests between your legs, his body settling warmly against yours 
“Maybe you should tell him” You smooth his hair back, lifting his head so he’ll look at you. 
“You think so?” 
“Mhmmm” You purr as Eddie leans back down and kisses your chest, inhaling your sweet perfume. He slaps your thigh and drags himself out of bed, pulling on a clean T-shirt on over his head and winking back at you 
“Get dressed, come out when I text you” 
This was either going to go really really well or really really horribly and Eddie’s nervous as hell. It’s a step that Buck even came over right? Like- like he’s cool now, right? 
Eddie comes into the kitchen and grabs two beers, popping the lids. Buck comes in after him, running a hand through his hair and sighing as he takes the one Eddie offers 
“Thanks” 
Eddie nods silently as he leans against the counter. Buck is across from him, he’d changed in the guest room. His sweatpants hang low on his hips, drawing eddies eyes to the thin patch of skin that peeks out from under his shirt. Buck smirks a little, and toys with his shirt, pretending to be picking something off of it and raising it higher instead. Eddie lazily trails his eyes up his body, enjoying his toned physique then clears his throat
“I’ve seen the way you look at my girlfriend” 
Buck looks at him over his beer before setting it down on the counter “What do you mean?” He says it like he wasn’t just jerking off in the work bathroom earlier today. That was why he couldn’t face Eddie. He immediately ran away to the bathrooms after you’d left and got off to the images of you and Eddie both going down on him 
Eddie chuckles as he sets his phone down “You look at her the same way I do when I’m ready to fuck her brains out.. at least, that’s how you looked this afternoon anyway. Ive been watching you for a while, Buck. Don’t think I haven’t seen the way you melt when she’s hugging you or the way your eyes linger on her ass when I’ve got it in my hands” 
Buck gulps, looking away from him for a second “Okay, and?” 
“That’s all you’ve got to say?” 
You scoff a little as you come into the kitchen. Buck is a little distracted by the way your robe looks like you secretly murdered your old man husband and now you’re a young rich widow. Okay, it’s super distracting for a minute, until he finally really looks through the sheer material and you’re wearing very…very little. As in, some contraption of basically just ties wrapped around your body to simulate clothes, and a tiny little pair of crotch-less panties. The garters are a good touch. In fact, he’s sure that thin piece of lace is covering your body more than anything else is 
“I’m in love with you” Buck blurts out and Eddie snorts, going to the liquor cabinet and getting something a little stronger out and three shot glasses 
“Oh, we knew that, didn’t we baby girl?” He hands you a glass of clear liquid and you knock it back 
“We did,” You say cheerfully “I’m in love with you too” you admit a little more shyly than he had. Eddie passes him a glass and he immediately takes it, drinking it straight down with no hesitation.
“I’ve- I’ve felt so guilty. Eddie, I’m so sorry I didn’t- fuck I didn’t mean to fall for her man and I didn’t mean to fall for you either and-
“If you’re okay with it-“ Eddie interrupts him as he drinks his own and you start to refill the glasses “I’m into you too” 
“I’m more than okay with that” Buck laughs a little, holding his face in his hands and letting out a relieved sigh. It felt so good to finally get this off his chest, it had been months and it felt even better you two were completely on board. 
“Fuck I didn’t think this was how this was going to happen. Hell I never thought it would” 
“Do- is- is this something you want?” You ask, passing them their shots “Are…Are we something you want?”
Buck picks you up and sets you down on the counter, taking his shot and connecting his lips with yours. He tastes warm and spicy like whatever Eddie had you all drinking. Your arms automatically wrap around his neck and pull him closer. It’s a little messy and uncoordinated but you feel alive, it's the same way you feel with Eddie. 
He reaches over and entwines his fingers with Eddie’s, pulling him closer to the two of you 
“You’re something I want more than anything in this world” He whispers against your lips. He turns to Eddie now, his cheeks flushed from the alcohol and the intense emotions going through all of you 
“And so are you” 
You wriggle excitedly in his arms, watching the way he and Eddie stare at each other like they’re about to eat each other right in front of you. You rub your hands together, laughing evilly because fuck this is about to be a good night. Eddie rolls his eyes at you, shoving your head away and calling you a dork while you bat at his arm 
“You really sure you want into this???”
171 notes · View notes
pickingupmymercedes · 3 months
Note
for a blurb can you do like "you’re bleeding"
like they just got an argument but then she hurts herself and like all the anger disappears and like she’s like "i’m fine" but she’s not and starts crying cause of it all
Self indulging here because I too get sick from the sight of blood. Hope you like it
"you're bleeding"
Y/N slammed a drawer shut, the clatter echoing through the apartment. This argument had been simmering for days, and it was bound to break loose.
"I can't believe you would even suggest that!" she fumed, her voice tight with frustration. "Don't you trust me?"
Lewis raked a hand through his braids, his jaw clenched. "It's not about trust, Y/N. It's about—"
"Then what is it about?" she cut him off, her voice rising. "Because it feels like you think I'm incapable of handling things myself."
"That's not—" Lewis started, but Y/N continued her tirade.
"I'm not some fragile doll, Lewis! I can make my own decisions!"
As she stomped across the room, Y/N's foot caught on something small and sharp. A sudden searing pain shot through her foot, causing her to yelp and stumble back.
"Ow!" she cried, hopping on one leg.
She glanced down, expecting a scrape or a bruise. But a crimson stain was blooming on her white sock, spreading rapidly.
"You're bleeding," Lewis said, his voice rising up with concern.
Y/N's stomach lurched. She hated blood, always had. And the sight of it, even a small amount, made her vision swim. A wave of nausea washing over her.
"No," she mumbled, her voice weak. "It's nothing, just a… cut."
The tremor in her voice and the way she swayed as she took another step betrayed her words. Lewis saw the white creeping into her face and scooped her up before she could fall.
"Easy there," he murmured, carrying her bridal style towards the kitchen.
Y/N clung to him weakly. Shame pricking her. She didn't want to break down, not in front of him, and certainly not because of blood.
"Put me down," she mumbled, trying to push away from him.
"Not until I take a look at this" Lewis said firmly, but his voice was gentle.
He settled her onto the island, grabbing a dish towel and a bottle of disinfectant.
Y/N squeezed her eyes shut as Lewis removed her sock. Her breath hitched as she saw the extent of the wound. It wasn't just a paper cut - it was a pretty nasty gash from a tack, and she was still bleeding.
Tears welled up in her eyes, but she blinked them back stubbornly. This was stupid, getting hurt like this in the middle of an argument. It made her look like a kid.
Lewis, thankfully, didn't seem to think so. His touch firm, reassuring even, as he cleaned up what he could before realizing it probably needed stitching.
He looked at her, his gaze soft and his hands gripping her cold fingers "Babe, I think you might need to go for a stitch”.
Y/N finally allowed the tears to fall, a single sob escaping her lips. Shame battled with relief in her chest.
"Hey," Lewis said, pulling her into a hug. "It's okay. It’s just a cut, probably won’t need more than two stitches"
Y/N buried her face in his chest, the dam breaking. Tears streamed down her face as she let out a choked sob. "It’s just...this is the worst timing to need someone to save me" she mumbled into his shirt.
Lewis chuckled softly. "You didn't need saving, love. You just stepped on a tack. But that doesn't mean I can't be there for you when you need me, even when we’re not seeing eye to eye."
He held her close, his warmth comforting as he put some clean fabric across her foot for a makeshift bandage. “C’mom, now let’s get you to the E.R.”
"Thank you" she whispered; her voice still small from the sight of blood and a bit of hurt pride.
Lewis kissed the top of her head. "Always babe"
______________________________________________________________
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f1version · 1 year
Text
SHAMELESS ★ PG10
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pairing: jealous!pierre gasly x girlfriend!reader (she/her)
summary: Pierre is convinced his best friend is flirting with you, his girlfriend, and cannot stand it any longer.
Or this request
warnings: +18 MINORS DNI, slight smut (it’s my first one and english is not my native language please bare with me), fingering — female receiving, oral — female receiving, explicit language, swearing.
word count: 1.46k
note: doing this request was so much fun ! i hope y’all enjoy this little thing :)
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Pierre's thoughts were a mess, he couldn't process what he was watching properly. He felt sick, something bitter spreading across every muscle of his body, making him think in ways he usually didn't. He tried organizing his thoughts:
One: He's an idiot.
Or that's what he has been calling himself over and over for the last 20 minutes, because he shouldn't feel like this. He shouldn't feel as if there was a reason to be worried about this.
Two: He's madly in love with you.
It had taken time, getting into a relationship with you, being long-time friends didn't make it easier, being best friends only made it harder, it was a risk he didn't want to take. Now, he's glad he did, but in this particular moment, he didn't know what to think about his other friendships.
Three: He is about to punch one of his best friends in the face.
Here's the thing: It's Charles's birthday, Pierre loves Charles, he is his best friend. Charles and you have been friends for as long as you and Pierre have, and that’s why the three of you are in a beautiful hotel venue, celebrating Charles' birthday with another hundred people. This is nothing out of his comfort zone.
Nevertheless, what he is witnessing is making him feel absurdly desperate and uncomfortable.
You and Charles have been talking for 43 minutes and counting —He doesn't even know why he is counting them— but that shouldn't be a problem because you are friends, right?
Well, friends don't look at other's girlfriend like that.
Charles is flirting with you, Pierre is one hundred percent sure of it. He's leaning in, telling you things that make you laugh, he talks and talks but when you do is like there's only you in this world.
Pierre is going to kill him.
But who could blame him? It wasn't Charles by himself that bother him, but the fact that the Monegasque knew you as well as he did. Not in the same way, but it was still triggering some thoughts.
Pierre was so focused looking at you, but he could feel someone calling him, whom he believes is Lando. It must be.
"Jesus, this man... Pierre!" Lando yells and the Frenchman jumps in shock. "What's wrong with you? Did you drink too much?"
Pierre didn't drink when he was thinking uncontrollably, overthinking was one of his biggest enemies. Lando knew this, but Pierre just shook his head. "Uh no, leave me alone"
"Mate" Lando called out "You are about to murder Charles out of jealousy, and you want me to leave you alone?"
"Jealousy? I'm not jealous. J'suis bon!"
"Sure," the Brit says with a smile, sarcastically.
"Shut up, Lando"
Lando grins, then sighs.
"She loves you, Pierre, she's not going to leave you. And if she is, it's not going to be for Charles, she wouldn't do that to either of you"
"That's not the problem, the problem is that my best friend is in love with her!"
Lando snorts, laughing "Oh mate, you are definitely drunk. Or you are seeing things" Pierre looks at him, deadpan. "You know I'm right, there is literally no in-love in Charlie's eyes"
He doesn't answer, he knows Lando is right, but he better be dead, cheated on, or betrayed than saying it.
"Just leave"
Lando rolls his eyes "Whatever, keep being stupid" He knows his friend is far too deep in his delusion. "I don't even know why I'm getting into this."
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You could feel him. His stare, his anger, his jealousy.
It’s funny, your boyfriend being jealous of Charles Leclerc, his best friend. And yes, some would be right about this but you loved Pierre, he was the most gorgeous man in the world for you. Besides, Charles wasn't flirting with you —which Pierre certainly thought he was— he was drunk-talking, and you were his current victim.
You had no problem listening to Charles say the most stupid things, in the end, it was his birthday. But after half an hour, you felt the necessity to go drink something, dance a bit with Pierre, and maybe leave to have some fun with the Frenchman.
That's when the search begins, you try to hook other people into the conversation, yet everyone knows they won't be able to leave. Until Max appears.
Perfect. He was just as drunk, and he loved talking—Maxsplaining.
"Max!" You called and saw Pierre frowning from afar. "Party boy has a question for you!"
Max automatically walks to you two, smiling and looking wasted. "Really? What’s your question, Charles?"
"He just doesn't remember restart procedures!" You say with a little laugh.
"Holy shit. Okay, so you know when..." And he is far gone.
You wait at least five minutes before leaving, making sure none of the two men cares enough to hold you back from their shenanigans.
When you turn around, you see Pierre leaning on a wall. You notice how his face turns just before you look at him. This man.
You approach Pierre, he goes tense at your presence. You know he's holding back, holding emotions he doesn't want to let you know he's feeling; little does he know, you already have him figured out.
"Do you have to be so shameless about it?" you ask tilting your head a bit, more curious about his reaction than his actual response.
"I don't know what you're talking about" the Frenchman answered carelessly, not looking at you. His arms are crossed, and he looks frustrated. You shrug, a grin showing on your face.
Pierre couldn't think straight, he doesn't recall ever feeling like this. This jealous. And when he looked at you, he almost lost it. You didn’t only look gorgeous under the red and blue lights, but you looked so confident, he understood then that you had read him perfectly.
"You know, darlin'," you say while Pierre's eyes shamelessly touched your body. "You look hot when you're jealous."
But now Pierre looks exasperated. "I'm not jealous, I would never be jealous"
"Sure. Just make me a favor and don't become a toxic prick." You say, "Charlie had no intention to bed me, he was just drunk-talking"
Hearing the nickname, that's the exact moment when Pierre lost it. He grabs your hand and makes you sprint through the hotel, leaving the venue, and getting to the elevator.
You giggle.
"Oh, now you're laughing? After you fuck around like that?" He bursts, cocking his head to the side, eyes deep and challenging. You know the only thing behind him was desire.
"Yes," you reply innocently, moving your hands so they rest around his neck. "Is there a problem with that?"
"You are unbelievable. You got me all worked up and for what, your enjoyment?" Pierre rolls his eyes, holding you by your waist, tightly. He moves closer when he whispers into your ear, "I'll give you something to fucking enjoy, mon ange"
And then he kisses you.
It's harsh and hot, his hands are everywhere for a moment before he settles them on your thighs.
"Jump" he demands, and you can only comply, wrapping your legs around his torso, praying all gods that no one wishes to use the elevator right at this moment.
Pierre licks into your mouth, dragging his teeth over your skin, biting your lip, and suddenly it seems as if he's never going to be close enough, even when your bodies feel each other's warmth through the clothes.
The Frenchman felt a hundred thousand different things, he was hot, wanting, and mad, but also wanted to be gentle and remind you how good he was for you. How no one could come closer to this. He needed you to feel all the things he was, he needed to feel you around him, near him.
The elevator door opened, and you felt him shift. One hand moved across your ass to hold you with it alone, his other hand going for the room's key. When he opened, you cursed Charles for assigning them such a spacious suite.
Pierre seemed to be more stressed by it because he didn't bother to walk to the bedroom. Instead, he walked you to the counter in the middle of the kitchen, sitting you down, deepening the kiss while holding your face.
"This is what we're gonna do, mon chéri," he said into your mouth, "you are going to sit down here, be a good girl and I'll fuck this pussy with my fingers and mouth. Got it?"
You let out a whimper thinking about it and nodded, you needed to feel something, to feel him.
"Use your words, my love"
You struggle, especially because you feel how Pierre's mouth hovers over your neck, hot breath sending chills down your spine. "Yes, god, Pierre, I need you"
He doesn't waste more time, bunching up your shirt and pulling down the dark blue dress pants you had on. His eyes turn mischievous and dark —blue eyes turned black— as he sees your loose control.
"All night with him," Pierre says, tracing his finger over your core. Softly, teasing. "Just to become this beautiful wet mess with me." He emphasizes the last word by pressing onto your clit.
Your mouth parts, a loud moan leaving your lips. You can barely keep your eyes open, trying to focus on him, on his words, but the pleasure of the small friction is enough to distract you.
"You're so naughty," he says, grinning. "I love all these little sounds"
You try to stay composed, breathing deeply before saying, "You were so jealous, it was kind of pathetic, Gasly"
He whimpers, you knew exactly what to say to make him hard, in this case, harder.  "That is not fair," he complains. "He looked so into you, and you seemed into his bullshit"
"If his bullshit is going to get me here all the time, then fucking be it."
Pierre huffs, his knee moving forward to press onto your core, making you whine. You slide your hand through his hair, just as his hands go down and his fingers shove your panties aside to slowly start playing with your dripping folds.
You hear his breath hitch, his eyes never leaving yours. He kisses you, careless of how needy he may seem. You love it. "Pierre—"
His fingers find your clit, a soft cry leaves your mouth, shocked at how sensitive you were. It was dizzying, feeling him smirk into the kiss, knowing exactly where, how, and when to touch. His pace was slow and steady, but the way he kissed you told you he was ready to fuck you stupid.
"Pierre, do something, fuck." you plead when he didn't move his fingers, when he just kisses your neck, sucking and biting, teasing until you're begging for him to start doing something. "Please, please"
"Please what, ange?"
"Please fuck me, please— your fingers." And he palms hardly your clit, adrenaline overpowering him. His fingers start moving in small circles, and your hands gripped his shoulders, nails digging into his skin.
"Oh my god, merde"
"Hmm, just like that, don't stop your beautiful noises," He says smirking, twirling his fingers just right. "Does that feel good, love?"
"Feels so so good." You say as his fingers speed, your desperate noises ricocheting down the walls.
He stops kissing you, looking at how you squirm below him. His eyes shout hunger, he is only a man whose desire asks him to give, give and give until you are fully satisfied.
Pierre stops teasing your clit, moving his hands to take off your underwear. The friction makes you cry.
A hand on your thigh spreads your legs a little wider, and he gives you a soft kiss before sinking onto his knees. You swear you've never seen him as hungry.
Your back arches the moment his mouth opens to lick your slit, your hands find his hair, and you pull him closer.
"Fuck. Y/n, ange, let me hear you" he asks, eyes closed and mouth pressed to your pussy, you obey, moaning and begging for more. He follows with the same obscene sounds, sending a rough vibration to your folds, enchanted with you.
"Pierre—" You whispered, his tongue curled around your clit. He loved when you called out his name. "Holy shit, I–"
"Yes, baby, yes" He moves to go for air, he wishes he shouldn't. "Tell me who makes you feel like this. Who's making you feel this good?"
Your thighs clench around him, your hand trying to hold onto him. "You" There's a gasp, loud and bold, "You, Pierre, it's only you"
He smiles in satisfaction, changing his mouth for fingers so he can kiss you for a moment.
And you can still feel the kiss when his mouth moves back to your pussy, making you jump in surprise, slightly closing your thighs around his head. He lets out a laugh, opening you again.
He moves a finger into the depth of your core, mouth still sucking and licking your clit. You loved when he did this, he knew it. He knew you too well.
"Pierre, m-merde" You could only whimper and scream his name, it was just Pierre. Pierre Pierre Pierre. Over and over again, until it was the only thing you could ever think about.
His tongue lapped against you, finger simultaneously curling into you. "F-fuck. Almost t-there, baby, I"
"I know, love, I know," He says, stopping for a second.
"Don't stop, don't fucking stop now" you whine, his tongue moving faster—a second finger entering you.
"C'mon, come for me. All for me" Pierre couldn't stop thinking about you, about making you feel so good you forgot everybody else in the world. "You're mine, aren't you? Tout à moi"
You could only moan in return, with desperate pleas—your body feeling the shock of the orgasm, white-hot and dense. Pierre's name was like a mantra stuck in your head, this was followed by yes yes yes, your answer would always be yes when asked that.
He stands up to kiss you sloppily; You feel your breaths slowing, synchronizing, your legs wrap around his waist, bringing him closer.
He smiles, watching you with adoration, the biggest heart-eyes you've ever seen. He was so dumb.
"Fuck your gorgeous face," you protested. "You really thought I would let Charles flirt with me? Better question, why would you think that Leclerc is flirting with me?"
"I was jealous, okay?" He rolls his eyes playfully, his hair a mess. "And y'know what? What if we forget that and finish this in bed?"
You laugh, of course you want more. You always more if it's with Pierre. "Lead the way"
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translation (sorry anything is left out!)
ange angel
tout à moi all mine
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whumpshaped · 11 months
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Idk if you're still looking for classic tropes but I suddenly remembered something I've seen alot and love. When Whumpee reacts more strongly and negatively to positive touches then pain, like the pat on their arm burns, they look away like they're being insulted or degraded when caretaker/friends are trying to let them know they care. Whumpee so unaccustomed to positive things that they hurt.
tw past trauma, conditioned whumpee, anger as a trauma response, perceived betrayal
It was getting unbearable. The touches on their hand, the pats on their shoulder, the quick hugs and kisses. It seemed like the others around them barely thought about it; it was second nature.
Well, Whumpee could barely think about anything else.
"Can you stop?" they finally snapped one day.
Caretaker blinked at them. "I... I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you mean–"
"Can you stop mocking me? Just for a day, or even an hour, can you just stop?"
It was infuriating just how confused they looked. Whumpee couldn't believe it. They didn't take Caretaker for someone who would revel in conditioning and gaslighting them, not like Whumper, but maybe they had been wrong. Were they seriously going to pretend that nothing was even going on? Or better yet, that Whumpee was crazy?
"I still– I still don't get it," they said timidly. "What did I do? I'm not– whatever I did, it wasn't on purpose. I'm sorry."
"Of course it wasn't," they scoffed. "Right. It's never on purpose with you, is it? It's all in my head! I'm imagining it! The constant fucking– the fucking touching, the, the kindness, because it's meant to be kind, isn't it? Or is it just to see me squirm? Or have you made a bet with the others?"
Caretaker looked almost hurt. Great. What next, the manipulation? The 'woe is me'?
"I'm sorry," they repeated, more emphatically now that they knew what their crime was. "I had no idea... None of us did. We wouldn't have touched you at all if we knew it made you uncomfortable. But none of us was mocking you, I promise–"
"What?"
"We won't do it again. I'll tell the guys–"
"No, not– not that part. What do you mean if you knew?"
"I... well... you never... you never said anything..." Caretaker rubbed the back of their neck awkwardly. "Looking back, I guess I should've asked..? I'm sorry. I'm not really in the habit, since we're all so touchy-feely. I just assumed you were cool with it. But now that I know you're not, it won't happen again."
Whumpee didn't understand. How did none of them notice the way they froze up every time? The way they went rigid? "You're lying."
Caretaker frowned. "I'm not. Whumpee, nobody here wants to make you uncomfortable on purpose. If there's anything you don't like, please tell us."
How? How could they? How were they supposed to speak up when they'd been so ruthlessly punished for doing so every single time for the past six years? They couldn't do that. Was that the stupid game? Making the criteria something Whumpee was terrified of doing?
"You're fucking sick," they spat, then turned on their heel and left.
Speak up. Right.
Use your words.
How could I have known? You never said a thing.
They shook their head, trying not to feel too betrayed that their friends were playing all the same mind games as their abuser.
~
general drabbles taglist: @ashh-ed @whumpsday @whump-queen @the-scrapegoat @hidden-dreamland @rosewriteswhump @dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night @whumpkinpie @delicateprincepaper @whumppmuhw @whump-em @cyborg0109 @morning-star-whump @justanotherlokifan @2in1whump @lthrboy @justletmereadmywhump @florissimps @anonymous-tiangou
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marcelinesghost13 · 16 days
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Is there something wrong with me? Cuz I swear to God my kindness it just keeps... Biting me in the ass. Today I got my spouse's meds and I thought that was that. But she wanted to go out to Michael's in order to get a Halloween house that you purchased. So I agree. We drove out we were getting along even though she went fucking psycho last night. Matter of fact how about we stop for a second let me let you know when I mean by she went psycho last night and then I will continue this story.
So last night I dropped her off after we spent three to four hours driving around taking photos and hanging out around New Mexico. You guys can see those photos if you'd like I did post them and they're really pretty I think. But we are having an amazing day and we were getting totally fucking along.
Then I dropped her off at home she was falling asleep on the couch I helped her to bed and she said good night and I said good night and everything was all good. Then I got fucking home and she blew up my phone letting me know how I've been fucking with her head this entire fucking time. That's all I've been doing the whole time me and her have been married. It's been playing fucking head games with her. I've been lying from the very beginning of our relationship about me being a girl. And now she's extremely hurt that I have decided to go down this route. On top of that the amount of cheating that I've done has actually hurt her really bad too. And then on top of that the amount of really fucked up shit that my family has done to fuck with her the whole time we've been married. I decided I was not going to engage and all that negativity I let her know I was going to bed and I told her good night. I did tell her at one point though before I forget that I don't love her anymore. So after I was done engaging with her taxes. I went to bed. I woke up in the morning with psychotaxt. She let me know that I was a fake and a liar and a lot of other stuff that she had already told me before. But the part where it gets psycho is that she called my phone a total of 30 times not saying anything and the voicemails were only about 10 seconds long. And then she also gave me text saying the same thing "good night" a total of a little over 50 times. And then she apologized and said maybe I took that a little bit too far. You're fucking think that's a whole lot of fucking crazy. So with all that for some stupid ass reason I still agreed to take her out to get her things.
For the most part we were getting along but there was definitely an awkward feeling the entire time we were together. Then finally around the time when we went to Target and got back to our car is when she decided to go full on meltdown again on me. And the only reason why she got triggered is because I asked her do you want a famous bowl from KFC or a mac and cheese bowl from KFC. She decided to do her whole meltdown and how I betrayed her and how it's fucked up that I am deciding to become a girl again. I have to admit that I turned around and I yelled at her back. I told her I'm sick and tired of you yelling at me I'm tired of you gaslighting me I'm tired of you breaking my shit. That is the reason why I live at my dad's house right now is because I can't take the constant insults that you fling at me at just a random notice. She then let me know that everything that I have to say was a fucking lie and that I'm the one that has been lying the whole time. I told her fine whatever I'm done arguing with you.
I then turn the car on drove all the way from Rio rancho all the way to her house which by the way I still got her food cuz she can't fucking cook. Took all of her stuff that she got into the house. I then left and said goodbye. I am so fucking tired and burnt on the amount of bullshit that this woman has been giving me day after fucking day. I understand Monday and Tuesday I don't have a fucking choice to take her up to Denver for her treatment. But I have no plans on talking to her for the rest of today I am not going to be talking to her on Saturday and Sunday. I'm just so sick of her toxic behavior. And I know I have not done anything wrong I know that I've traded her like a queen the entire time we've been married. So whatever fucked up delusions that she has in her head about how things were supposed to happen in her life then get a fucking grip because life doesn't go by the way that you're supposed to wanted to go. You learn you love you grow together you become better people together. And that Bond develops into this incredible friendship that is a marriage. Your best friend in the entire world should be your spouse. But my wife does not see it that way I don't know how she sees it she's never explained it to me she just lets me know that she's my fucking wife and that's how I'm supposed to see her well I do see you as my fucking wife my crazy ass narcissistic gaslighting fucking bitch of a wife that's how I fucking see her. I fucking so done.
I know we get back on Tuesday I will drop her off at home and I will go back to my dad's house to sleep. But on Wednesday I plan on going to the city and figuring out how to file paperwork for separation I am done I am not doing this anymore. And I don't care how much it fucks her over because that's all she's been doing is fucking me over for years. I have done so many things to bail her ass out of trouble. She has a bad habit of spending way too much money on certain things and getting fucked over and I have bailed her out of all that. there has been plenty of times where she's gotten a ticket for driving way too fast because she does and I paid for that ticket. There has been certain things that she needs in order to do her job or to help with the family function whatever it may be I have paid for that. There's been plenty of times where she doesn't know how to deal with a fucking boss or an individual at work and she quits her job because of that I have supported her every single fucking time. She wanted to go back to school I supported her 100% And I even helped her with it. I have done so many things for this woman and yet I get accused of so many false accusations. I'm done I'm filing for separation on Wednesday.
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dallina17 · 5 months
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Taylor Swift five stages of grief playlist are like a big conversation between Emily and Lute. In Emily's case, is the grief of discovering someone wasn't the person you thought it was, falling out of love with her. And Lute is the grief of losing a friend and knowing your relationship with her will never be the same.
DENIAL
It starts in the court, Emily watching Lute say those horrible things and willing to kill those souls. But it's a mistake, right? Lute can't possibly be okay with this without a good reason. She knows.
I feel the lavender haze creepin' up on me. Surreal, I'm damned if I do give a damn what people say. No deal, the 1950s shit they want from me. I just wanna stay in that lavender haze.
Meanwhile, Lute sees her friend hurt and confused, but she can make this right. She can convince her that those sinners deserve death. Emily will see this throught.
In the middle of the night, when I'm in this dream it's like a million little stars spelling out your name. You gotta come on, come on, say that we'll be together
...but she doesn't. And Emily can't believe that Lute really wants to kill those sinners that bad. Why would she? This isn't right. Why Lute is okay with this? This is a mistake, it must be a mistake, but everything tells her it isn't.
He says, "What you heard is true, but I can't stop thinkin' 'bout you and I". I said, "I've been there too a few times"
But Lute knows Emily just needs time, she will understand. In the meantime, they can still be friends... right?
But if I just showed up at your party, would you have me? Would you want me? Would you tell me to go fuck myself or lead me to the garden? In the garden, would you trust me if I told you it was just a summer thing?
Emily is betrayed, she needs to be away from Lute, think about this...
You said, "I know" when I said, "I need some time, need some space to think about all of this" You watched me go and I knew my words were hard to hear and harder to ever take back.
And so, as she starts to see that Lute isn't really the person she thought she was, she starts to feel...
ANGER
You took a swing, I took it hard, and down here from the ground, I see who you are. I'm sick and tired of your attitude I'm feeling like I don't know you
How? How could Lute agree with all of this? How could she kill all those souls? Lie to her for some many years? She thought Lute was her friend, a protector, but know she isn't sure anymore
Did you have to do this? I was thinking that you could be trusted. Did you have to ruin what was shining? Now it's all rusted. Did you have to hit me where I'm weak? Baby, I couldn't breathe. And rub it in so deep salt in the wound like you're laughing right at me
That's when Lute starts to realize that Emily isn't going to change her mind. She is really mad...
And it was like slow motion standing there in my party dress in red lipstick with no one to impress. And they're all laughing as I'm looking around the room. But there was one thing missing and that was the moment I knew
But Lute is mad too! What does Emily know? She has been protected her whole life and only sees the good that there is a humanity! But Lute has seen the filth! How horrible they are! They are sinners, they are wicked, they deserve death! She is doing something good, she is protecting Heaven, she is protecting Emily! How can she not see that?
While you were out building other worlds, where was I? Where's that man who'd throw blankets over my barbed wire? I made you my temple, my mural, my sky. Now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life [...] If it's all in my head, tell me now. Tell me I've got it wrong somehow. I know my love should be celebrated but you tolerate it.
Emily doesn't want to hear anything. She is not stupid, she knows that there is bad people in the universe! Does Lute think she is stupid? Does Lute even really knew her? Every time she hears a word coming out of Lute's mouth, she feels her heart broke even more because dispite everything she still loves her
And you wanna scream, don't call me "kid". Don't call me "baby". Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me. You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else. Don't call me "kid". Don't call me "baby". Look at this idiotic fool that you made me.
But she can't stand this. She won't take part of this. Lute can excuse herself everything she wants, but Emily is not going to believe her.
Looking so innocent, I might believe you if I didn't know. Could've loved you all my life if you hadn't left me waiting in the cold. And you got your share of secrets and I'm tired of being last to know. And now you're asking me to listen cause it's worked each time before. But you don't have to call anymore. I won't pick up the phone. This is the last straw, don't wanna hurt anymore. And you can tell me that you're sorry but I don't believe you baby like I did before. You're not sorry.
Emily is going to act like a child? So be it! Lute is doing something right, if Emily can't see it, it's her fucking problem!! She has Sera's aprobation, she doesn't need Emily's. She doesn't care! And she doesn't mind losing her friend!
Hello Mr. "Perfectly fine", how's your heart after breaking mine? Mr. "Always at the right place at the right time, " baby. Hello Mr. "Casually cruel". Mr. "Everything revolves around you" [...]. He goes about his day forgets he ever even heard my name. Well, I thought you might be different than the rest, I guess you're all the same
So they part ways, and Emily is left with her broken heart. She never really asked Lute for anything, to feel the same way as she did. But this? This she can't tolerate. Even if a deep part of her still loves Lute, she knows she has to stop loving her even if she misses her. Because the Lute she knew, isn't the Lute she fell in love with.
What a waste taking down the pictures and the plans we made, yeah. And it's strange how your face doesn't look so innocent. Your secret has its consequence and that's on you, babe.
Or does she? As months pass, and she misses Lute more, Emily starts to wonder if there is a way to solve this. Sure she couldn't be completely wrong about Lute, she is still a protector and kind inside, right? She just has to help her realize how wrong is to kill those sinners. Maybe she can...
BARGAIN
I wish you would come back, wish I'd never hung up the phone like I did. I wish you knew that I'd never forget you as long as I'd live. And I wish you were right here, right now
So she decides to do something, hang out with her again, do what they did before, slowly help Lute to see what is correct. Sure she will eventually listen. And that way, they can be friends again, and maybe her heart won't ache so much anymore.
Open the blinds, let me see your face, you wouldn't be the first renegade to need somebody. Is it insensitive for me to say get your shit together? So I can love you
Lute also misses her friend. Maybe they can agree to not agree? Act like they did before this whole mess. Pretend that exterminations never existed, not think about demons, or anything that might bring trouble. Just the two of them being friends.
I told myself, don't get attached. But in my mind, I play it back, sinning faster than the plane that took you. And this is when the feeling sinks in. I don't wanna miss you like this. Come back, be here
But it's impossible. They can hang out everything they want, do the things they used to. But they are not on the same page anymore. Lute wants to pretend that nothing happened, but Emily can't simple ignore what Lute did, what she still wants to do, and tries to talk about it and change her mind. Lute doesn't want to hear anything about it, and they argue again.
And it's hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound. It's hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you. You're a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town. And I just wanted you to know that this is me trying. (And maybe I don't quite know what to say). I just wanted you to know that this is me trying. At least I'm trying.
Lute starts to see that pretending that exterminations, all the things she has done, doesn't exist, is not going to work. Lute is the angel she is, she is a warrior, and protector, and yes, a demon killer, and as long as she is those things, there will always be a wall between Emily and her.
Our coming-of-age has come and gone, suddenly the summer, it's clear. I never had the courage of my convictions. As long as danger is near, and it's just around the corner, darling, 'cause it lives in me. No, I could never give you peace.
Emily feels her heart truly broken. Why she had to fell in love with her? Why with someone that was so different from the person she thought her was? She has to step away, for real this time, but it just hurts so much.
I get drunk but it's not enough. 'Cause you're not my baby. I look through the windows of this love, even though we boarded them up. Chandelier's still flickering here, 'cause I can't pretend it's ok when it's not.
It was always a lost cause, wasn't it? There is no way of fixing this, of being together again in any form, and Emily should be mad and furious and scream and break everything, but now all she has is a feeling of...
DEPRESSION
Do I throw out everything we built or keep it?. I'm getting tired even for a phoenix. Always risin' from the ashes, mendin' all her gashes, you might just have dealt the final blow. Stop, you're losin' me. Stop, you're losin' me. Stop, you're losin' me. I can't find a pulse, ny heart won't start anymore.. for you.
Emily cuts all comunication with Lute, because she knows that the more she tries to reach to Lute, the more she is going to get hurt. Is better to leave, to find another place to heal (like hell), where she won't feel this feeling of dying inside anymore.
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, you were bigger than the whole sky, you were more than just a short time. And I've got a lot to pine about. I've got a lot to live without. I'm never gonna meet, what could've been, would've been. What should've been you. What could've been, would've been you
Lute also knows she has to stay away from Emily, at this point, the only thing they are doing is hurting the other. She doesn't want to hurt Emily. She still thinks she is the kindest, most lovable girl she knows, but she is destroying that sweet girl. They have to get distance, even if it breaks her heart.
Power went to my head, and I couldn't stop. Ones I loved tried to help, so I ran them off. And here I sit alone, behind walls of regret, falling down like promises that I never kept. And I feel like my castle's crumbling down, and I watch all my bridges burn to the ground. And you don't want to know me, I will just let you down, you don't wanna know me now
How did they end up that way? They were so close, they were the best of friends, they laughed, they shared adventures... and now everything is broken.
Oh, I hate those voices, tellin' me I'm not in love anymore. But they don't give me choices, and that's what these tears are for. 'Cause we were happy, we were happy. When it was good, baby, it was good, baby, we showed 'em all up, no one could touch the way we laughed in the dark.
Lute focus on her job as the new lieutenant. She ignores the ache in her heart, she transforms the pain, this sadness, into power, to train, to lead, to be more powerful and to kill those fucking demons. While still hoping that one day, Emily will understand why she is doing what she is doing.
I cause no harm, mind my business. If our love died young, I can't bear witness. And it's been so long, but if you ever think you got it wrong, I'm right where you left me.
Emily, on the other side, decides to turn her sadness into something different. Focus on what she can do, instead of what she can't. She can't make Lute change her mind, but can help Charlie and the sinners, even if at nights she suffers, she desires that everything was different, and the pain is so much she feels she is going to die.
Maybe I was naive, got lost in your eyes, and never really had a chance. My mistake, I didn't know to be in love, you had to fight to have the upper hand. I had so many dreams about you and me, happy endings, now I know... I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale. I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell
...but she is stronger than she believes. Yes, it hurts so much. But also, the more she cries, the more the pain starts to go. The more she helps with the hotel, the more she smiles. She believed that her broken heart would kill her, that not having Lute in her life anymore would destroy her, but she is still standing. She is moving forward, without Lute, but in the right direction. And so she moves to the final stage.
ACCEPTANCE
Cause there were pages turned with the bridges burned, everything you lose is a step you take. So make the friendship bracelets, take the moment and taste it, you've got no reason to be afraid. You're on your own, kid. Yeah, you can face this. You're on your own, kid, you always have been
Lute isn't the person she thought she was, which is horrible. But she can try to change her, which will only hurt her, or she can just let her be. Do what she knows best, help demons, hope for Lute to open her eyes, but not trying to force her to do so if she doesn't want to.
That old familiar body ache, the snaps from the same little breaks in my soul, I know when it's time to go. Sometimes, givin' up is the strong thing. Sometimes, to run is the brave thing. Sometimes, walkin' out is the one thing that will find you the right thing.
Lute sadness also starts to go away eventually. She faces the truth. Her relationship with Emily will never be the same. And even if it hurts, she has to learn to live in a world without her friend.
Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt. Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve. People are people, and sometimes it doesn't work out, nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out. And we know it's never simple, never easy, never a clean break, no one here to save me. You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand. And I can't, breathe, without you, but I have to.
Emily sees Lute eventually, and as the time pass, she will notice that when she sees Lute, it's not the most beautiful woman she has ever seen, the one she wants to be with. She is just Lute, the leader of the Exorcists, and thus, someone she must stop if she tries to hurt her friends. She is not in love with Lute anymore, and that's okay.
There'll be happiness after you, but there was happiness because of you. Both of these things can be true. There is happiness, past the blood and bruise, past the curses and cries. Beyond the terror in the nightfall, haunted by the look in my eyes, that would've loved you for a lifetime. Leave it all behind and there is happiness
And when Lute sees Emily, she sees how different she is, she hates it, but there is nothing she can do about it. That's fine. They are different people now.
You grew your hair long, you got new icons. And from the outside, it looks like you're trying lives on. I miss the old ways, you didn't have to change. But I guess I don't have a say, now that we don't talk.
Emily finally starts to be the person she was before, but wiser. This pain has made her stronger. She starts to smile again, be the seraph she was before, her pain fades away...
Rain came pouring down, when I was drowning, that's when I could finally breathe. And by morning, gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean.
...and eventually, she will find love again. A real love. Without lies. Without secrets. Just a pure, sweet love, she will cherish forever.
I've been spending the last eight months, thinking all love ever does, is break and burn, and end. But on a Wednesday in a cafe, I watched it begin again.
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IT'S OVER pt.2
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I had to write it again because I wasn't happy with the first one. Warning: slight Panic attack, angst with fluff at the end
Rain did talk to Sister Imperator about me being Sick so I could rest for a bit. It was nice. Really. I needed this. Rain came to me every single day. I knew i was hard for him, practising and then visiting me. I am extremly happy that he cared for me.
Rain was like the best friend I needed. I had nobody else in this cruel world. The other sisters of sin looked at me like I was… something strange like i had two heads. Actually I wouldn't care but since this thing with Sodo, everything is too much for me.
Right now, I was in my room, hiding under my blankets because everything was too much right now, the looks, the voices everything. When I heard a knock, I slowly raised from by hiding spot and went straight to the door, thinking Rain was coming. When I opened the door, my heart dropped. Sodo was standing there.
"Hey… can we talk?" He asked me and I couldn't breath for a few moments. I wantd to slam the door shut but he put hif foot in between. I looked down at his foot where it was in between the door. "Dewdrop.. I don't want to talk to you, there is nothing to talk about. You made it very clear that you don't want me. So please get lost and leave me alone." i told him, trying to sound strong because I don't want him to know that I am at my lowest at the moment.
"Y/N.. please.. let me explain this." he pleaded but I wasn't giving him any chance. "No, fuck off I don't wanna talk to you.. please." at the end of the sentence my voice betrayed me. Tears were starting to run down my face. Before Sodo could say anymore Rain came around the corner. When he saw me in this state with Sodo in front of me, he got angry. He stormed towards Sodo and pulled him away. "What the hell dude? Leave her alone. You hurted her enough" his voice was beyond angry, he almost gritted his teeth. I slammed the door shut and went back under the blankets where I felt safe.
But sadly, there was this time where Rain had to leave, like the others. They had to go on tour and leave me behind. I knew it would come to this point, and I was okay with this but I still felt sad about him leaving. I need him. I know it sounds stupid but I also want Sodo to be here.. I know I should be mad at him but some part of me wants him back.. wants to talk to him like we used to.
I promised Rain before he left, I wouldn't do something stupid, I mean I was almost before do to something stupid because it was too much but Alpha came in the right moment and stopped me. He scolded me for being stupid. And since then, there he was, always with me. Never let me be alone anymore. They even wanted me to sleep in their room, so they could be sure I was alright. It's nice to know there are people who cared for you. I feel less lonely.
Right now, I was sitting in front of the fire place, staring into the flames. It reminds me of Sodos eyes. I wanted to reach for the flames, but in that moment, my phone rang. I got out of my tance and reached for my phone. This number was unknown, but I still picked up. "Y/N… I know you don't wanna talk to me but I wanted you to know that I will always love you" He said before he hung up on me. My hands were shaking. Why was he telling me this? Is something going to happen?
Please Satanas… don't let something happen to him or the others. I suddenly felt that my breathing was hitched. I couldn't breath normally. What is happening? I grabbed my phone and threw it into the corner, with a thud it landed on the ground.
A few seconds later, Alpha and a few others came in. I couldn't recognize them because my vision was blurry. "Hey, Y/N what's wrong? Are you alright?" he asked me but I couldn't answer. "Dude obvious she isn't alright. I think she might have a panic attack." Someone said. I wish I knew.
They helped me through it, talked to me, tried to ground me. It's good to know there are people who are here for you. After this, I felt better, I talked to them about everything. About things that are in my head, what I was thinking… overthinking. Why he would hurt me like this. Of course they tried to tell me that he never had something like this with someone before but I didn't want to hear it if I'm being honest but I still listened.
Maybe this was the reason he called me. "Oh my… he called me.. I need to know if he's alright.." i muttered. In that second, the doors opened and Papa came into view with the ghouls behind him. I got up from the couch I was sitting in. I searched for Sodo. If he was there with them but my heart got heavy when i didn't saw him. No..
I tried to stay calm, I didn't want to cry, I still loved him even if he broke my heart like this. "Where is… Sodo?" I asked quietly. Papa was looking at me and smiled. He was not talking. What is wrong? Why is he smiling like this? I paced around the room, up and down, left an right. My brain was almost explosing. My head is filled with thoughts. What should I do?
"Y/N…" I stopped when I heard his voice. I looked around and that's when I saw him. "Sodo…" I cried out his name and ran towards him, hugging him like there was no tomorrow. "I am so glad you're alright.. don't ever call me again and say such things you fucking dipshit!" I almost yelled while tears were streaming down my face.
"Sorry my dear…" He told me. "I am sorry for everything.. can you forgive me?" he asked me while holding me tight. I didn't answer yet. I don't know if I can ever forget this what he did. i can forgive him that's not the problem but that's going to take some time. "Can we start over?" he asked after some time.
"Yes… I would love to." I told him. I am still very heartbroken but I guess we can work this out. I want him in my life… I need him. He is my first love ever and I don't want a life without him. I know it's naive I still learned my lesson. I will never be like this. I will never open up like this, I will take my time. Learn more about him.
Bonus: A few years later, Sodo and I are still together, even better we are married. It took some time for me to heal after this heartbreak but eventually, I did with his help. We talked about everything. When I had a bad day, he was there for me, he knew I was an overthinker and he always had the right words for me.
I am glad I gave him a second chance, I would never have but.. my love for him was jsut stronger than everything else. "Baby.. I am back" I heard his voice, I smiled and got up, holding the pregnancy test behind my back and walked towards him. "Hey love.." I smiled at him and hugged him with just one arm, the other still behind my back with the test.
"What's wrong?" he asked me and I laughed. "Close your eyes.." I told him and he did as I told. I looked at the test and was now holding it in front of my belly. "Now, you can open them" I told him, he did and his eyes immediately wandered down. His eyes widened when he saw the test. "You're… You're pregnant?" He asked and I nodded. "We're pregnant baby" I smiled from ear to ear. And in this moment, I couldn't be happier.
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macethelaboratoryrat · 4 months
Text
Finished Reading the Idiot
I'm not sure if I like it... but I also love it?? It's so interesting and complex, and I feel like even the stuff I dislike about it has a lot of meaning.
Below is a lot of rambling, so I feel like I need to put the cut here so that the post isn't too long. And since the cut is here, I can say: Spoilers for _The Idiot_ ahead!
First off: not enough Nastasya Fillipovna. It feels like she's described very frequently, by characters and the narrator in a way that demonstrates that she has a deep and interesting character. But her character choices after part one are repetitive and redundant, in a way that makes her character seem much more shallow than it was initially presented.
Secondly: Not enough Rogozhin. I love Rogozhin, he's my favorite character. He's so strange and interesting. I'm not sure I like how mysterious he is, like how he follows people around, but I think that's a personal opinion. (sidebar: everyone is taking the whole love question like it's life or death and I found that very silly *most of the time*) It seemed like he went to prison completely alone, which was really sad. There was something very lonesome about his sentence and him being sent off. There's something very lonesome about Rogozhin in general, despite his "band" of friends or whatever.
I suppose it was good for Dostoevsky to remind us that this whole time, Myshkin is not good nor morally righteous. I think him being "innocent", sickly and "cute" gave off the sense that he could do no wrong. And then he opened his mouth. First with the ranting about Catholics, which was hateful. And then he betrayed Aglaya. So it was a good reminder.
I'm so sad about the Aglaya thing. I didn't think I liked her as a character. Unlike Nastasya Fillipovna, who is presented with depth and proves to be somewhat shallow, Aglaya Ivanovna is presented as a shallow character (the pretty one, without any other virtues) and proceeds to be a very deep and complex character. The point being, I love Aglaya and I feel like she was mistreated, not only by Myshkin, but by her family as well. I don't think this is the Epanchins' fault, I think they were just trying to help and support her. I know Myshkin had better intentions, and he tried to make amends, but he was so committed to her, and he promised he was committed to her, and then essentially abandoned her at a critical moment. This was especially hard for Aglaya because she struggled with her feelings so much-- we can see that by how aloof she is, and how she constantly denies him. I don't necessarily think they should have gotten married, but the way she was treated wasn't fair. I think if Myshkin really was the pathetic little sick boy, who was unrelentingly submitted and in love with her as he presented, and as everyone thought he was, they could have been good together. I feel like we are made to believe, and the characters suggest, that prince Myshkin is shallow, hollow, and childish. In a sense, his character is merely babyish and cute, and his only weaknesses are his stupidity and his illness. But that isn't true. I don't think saying Myshkin has "a dark side" is an accurate description, but he definitely in a grown man, and a realistic human, who is flawed just as an adult man is.
Everyone seems to be running around screaming and then we have Varya and Ptitsyn. I love the normal couple who just decided they were fine being a normal couple. They're just regular people and I love that for them. Varya has such a level head with all this madness.
I thought the hedgehog bit was so funny. Of course Kolya showed up with a hedgehog, that's such a Kolya thing to do. And it wasn't even theirs. What happened to it after everything blew over? I don't know. A hedgehog.
I love Alexandra Ivanovna. She's so funny to me. She doesn't even want to get married. She's just chilling and she's so cute.
Ippolit attempted suicide and everybody said he faked it and did it for attention. That hurt my feelings.
The meaning of life... anyway
I was surprised by the murder, which seems silly in hindsight, given there's always murder. I was actually slightly disinterested through most of the main conflict, because the "who marries who?" didn't interest me. Anyway, that was sad too.
Rogozhin and Myshkin. Their interactions are so interesting. The tension between them is always so high. I love when they interact. I'm struggling to find words to describe it.
Back to Nastasya Fillipovna, I feel like they dropped a lot of her character development after part one. Even Totsky disappeared like it wasn't important.
Why does Lebedev insist that his infant child was born in lawful wedlock? No one asked him. Now it's suspicious.
I'm not sure I know what a "fancier of the female sex" is. Is that a womanizer? A male slut as it were? Because they ask Myshkin if he is one, and he says "no", and I was thinking "haha gay" or whatever. (I know that's not what he was referring to). Anyway, I just shrugged it off until the gathering at the Epanchin's where one of the guests was "a fancier of the female sex". Just wondering the difference between that and a typical heterosexual. I assume it refers to the extent... anyway, small detail, not particularly important.
Again, I wasn't necessarily invested in the tension over their romantic relationships. I haven't made it over to _The Idiot_ tumblr yet (I had tags filtered to prevent spoilers), so what I'm about to suggest is probably already there, and already well tread upon: Nastasya Fillipovna x Rogozhin x Myshkin. Yes, the three of them. I think it would be better if Aglaya stayed out of it. The three of them are a mess and I think they should be contained.
Wild how they made General Ivolgin a tragic character. That was interesting.
This one felt personal, I will say that. It definitely had things to say and... it said them. I think it reads as being very sensationalist, which makes sense because it's a commentary on sensationalism. *my interpretation. The idea of appearances, and not wanting to be "ordinary", but not wanting to be "eccentric" either. I did appreciate the "people will go out of their way to be 'not like other girls', even when they are like other girls. Case in point: Ganya" (inaccurate quote). It was also really a call-out.
I appreciate _The Idiot_, I definitely find it interesting. None of this is meant to read as "this book is bad" or "this character is bad", but more to share my opinion on reading the work and what I gleaned from it. I'll probably read it again. While I was reading it, I was having trouble concentrating, which has nothing to do with the novel itself, just that I may have missed something. I still like TBK and C&P better, because I find the topics more interesting. But yeah, still a good one.
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bearsinpotatosacks · 8 months
Note
Hi!
Can I ask a bad decision, for Phoenix?
Thanks for waiting, I'm sorry this took so long
----
Phoenix wasn’t enjoying this. The beer in her hand was lukewarm and she didn’t even like beer. Someone had just ordered a round and assumed she liked it. She didn’t but she guessed that was what she got when she was surrounded by men. 
Basic training was going well. She was getting along with her fellow aviators as well as she could. Most of them she knew from the Academy, so it wasn't too awkward.
They were talking about which jet they were going to fly. Pretty soon they were making their decision about flying single or double seated. Phoenix was thinking about the latter, it made you more useful, more accurate, if you had someone else with you. It was also less lonely. Not that she could admit that. The Navy had come a long way, but not far enough that she didn’t feel she had to hide or dampen certain things to survive.
“How about you, Phoenix?” Rooster asked, keeping his hand under the table on Hangman’s thigh.
“Double seater.” She said simply. 
“Really?” Hangman added. “You need extra help or something?”
“No.” Something in his words hurt, she didn’t want to give him a rise but she didn’t like people thinking she was incapable. “Do you?”
“Obviously not, since I'm going single.”
“Why does that make you better?” She pushed.
“Because I'm good enough of a flyer to not need someone behind me telling me where the enemy is.”
“And I'll be able to go on more complex missions because I'll have a whole other person with me, and have people like you relying on me,” she cocked her head. “Which, on second thought, might not be a good thing.”
Hangman scoffed, “Double the responsibility, same pay as everyone else. Why's it worth it? Still doesn’t prove me wrong, only an insane person would do that.”
Rooster pulled his hand off his thigh. He shared a look with her. 
“You know all F-14s were double seater, right?” He said. 
“Of course, and it was a stupid design that they got rid of in the F-18, pretty obvious they figured out back seaters were obsolete.”
That ticked Rooster off. They’d been close all through the Academy, and on one drunken night in July, she found out about his dad. 
“What the fuck?” He shot up. 
Phoenix went to join him. 
“What's wrong with you? You said you were going single seater too?” Hangman said, his voice more gentle. 
“My dad was a RIO you prick.”
Phoenix wasn’t embarrassed to say that she was pleased to see his face drop. 
“Yeah, but-” he stammered. “They were important for the F-14, but the F-18 has a single seater option, why go for it? Surely if your dad had the option he'd still be here?”
Rooster didn't say anything. He clenched and unclenched his hands. For a guy so quick to anger, he was surprisingly calm. She guessed it was because he was his boyfriend and he didn’t want a fight. 
“Just, watch your words next time, alright?”
He sat back down but Phoenix didn't move. “That's it?”
They looked at her. She felt the table's eyes on her. 
“What?”
“He's insulting me and you only drop it because he apologises about shaming your dad? What about me?”
Rooster opened and closed his mouth. “I don't think it's right, but-”
“But what? You agree with him?”
“Nat, you know how I feel, it's-” he looked down. “It's a whole other life in your hands!”
“And you don’t think I can handle that?”
“No!”
He was stood up but she was too far gone. In one swoop, she threw a punch and hit him solidly in the cheek. He stumbled back and bounced a little as he hit the table, holding his red cheek. 
“For fuck's sake Bradley, you don't think I'm sick of this shit? Sick of people undermining me and doubting me but not you, it was never you, so why now? Because of him?” She pointed to Hangman. “Is the dick that good that you'll betray your friend?”
“No! Because my dad died in an accident, it was a fault in the plane and the pilot-” He hesitated. “The pilot couldn’t do anything to stop it and I don’t want that on you because it ruined my life and I don’t want that on you.”
He stepped back. “And if you let me talk then I would've told you. But you just blew up.”
She gulped and stepped backwards. Her stomach dropped. Looking at his red cheek, she felt like all of this was a bad idea.
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velvetporcelain · 8 months
Text
forever I wander, forever I stray
I think I need more time away. I feel old behavior creeping up inside me, that now looks very much like a demon.
You know. Red face. Yellow eyes.
It’s negative six degrees. The air moves through my clothing. Through my skin. Through my muscles. Settles in my bones. Making me a cold bitch ready to fight. I don't have energy to fight so I will stand my ground.
what do I need in this moment? I dont know how to answer that. all that I know is that this feeling is going to try and exhaust me. I do feel like I need to cry. I knew this was going to happen. I was going to be disappointed but, because I expected this, I am prepared and I dont take it personally.
I'm tired of writing about this. I'm tired of it consuming me, I feel like my last resort is having to walk around like a zombie until I'm alive again.
I need me right now. I need all of me, not just some. I dont need anyone to complete me. Remember this. Remember this. Remember this. fuck, please remember this.
fuck I am angry. how do I get rid of this? I dont want it. I want to cry because I can feel ir, I can feel the scream getting bigger, louder. when I am silent, the air sounds like tv static. what the fuck am I sad for? NOTHING. absolutely nothing. nothing. nothing.
honey he lost you. honey, HE LOST YOU. now, keep finding you.
ive had enough of this emotional tourture. I cant be there. I just cant. I need more time away. I need more time carrying the cross.
I can do this. I can handle myself. I can ape myself back in. I am so sick of being inside my fucking head, I'm so sick of being inside my fucking head. take me to my body, take me to my body. How do I get there without forgetting my head?
no one can help me but myself. there's too many things yelling at me. I hate stifling whole am so that small men can avoid discomfort. he is a small man. everything about him is small. fuck no. I'm not doing this maiden thing again. NO FUCKING WAY.
get the fuck up. youre a witch. for god sake, you are an angel.
he is small and pocket sized. he has never given you what you have given him, and he never will. bury it. bury it quickly. bury it as evidence that he won't change. stop believing in the wrong people sis. Call me self righteous , but I say that I just really believe in myself and dont know it. I need to start speaking as such. acting accordingly.
I have my mind focused on what I want. I will not betray myself this time. I will not run. I will act accordingly. I know no fear. I know of no fantasy with you. It wasn't real. It was all dreamt by lust. It was all just a brainwashing. A dark psychology experiment. there was never any love. there was never any reciprocated love. and do I say this because my standard hasn't been met? maybe? but at the time did I have self standards for self? Hell no. Hell no. This time I do. and we will not be sining below those standards. I'm not surprised.
so what do I need?
to keep moving like a fucking queen. to stand and move by my own two feet. cutting through it all like some unholy blade.
yes, unholy blade. get the fuck out of my way. get the fuck out of my head. get the fuck out of my body. this is my body. this is my mind. I tore down your alter months ago. you stupid fucking prick.
rot in hell. oh, I forgot, you already are. burning in the flames of my phoenix, you only allow me to continue to rise.
I wish I had a women like me when I was growing up. well actually I have her now, so better late than never to show up for myself. it's about fucking time. bitch.
-x
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shinydixon · 2 years
Note
Thank you… Last night I went to a house party at a friends house, he and I have been friends since we were at school and our friendship has survived yeeeeears. He's hot af and I've always had a little crush on him, but this past year we've been spending more time together and my feelings for him have gotten deeper but I don't want to act on it because I don't want to ruin our friendship, but we've got a really flirty friendship, he's lovely and I really treasure him as a friend and I wish I didn't feel this way about him. I took my ex-roommate who I'm 'best' friends with to the party last night, they've met a handful of times before but haven't spent much time together and the three of us spent most of the evening together and I went to get us some more drinks and got distracted for a while talking to another friend and when I got back they'd gone and one of our other friends said they went upstairs to 'talk'. It made me feel really sick because I'm not stupid and I know what was going on above my head and so I just went home and cried lol. She's been messaging me on and off all day… at first she messaged me to say she's sorry she got distracted last night and she hopes I got home okay and I just left her on read and she's messaged a few times more asking if I'm coming out tonight and then she finally called me out for leaving her on read so I felt like I had to talk to her. I stupidly asked her what happened last night and she started gushing about him and how nice he is and I asked if they'd slept together and she said they had and that she knows I kind of like him and she's sorry but she's really attracted to him too and so she took her chance and acted on it, but she doesn't want to ruin our friendship. Like… I just feel really shitty because I know that he doesn't like me like that or he wouldn't have fucked her last night and I can't force him to like me like that but I feel like really fucking betrayed?? Not by him, by her, because she knew I liked him. I said that I probably wouldn't come out tonight and that I also don't want to ruin our friendship, so suggested that maybe we take a break from each other for a little bit, which I thought was a reasonable request, because I just… don't want to see her… And she got really upset with me and accused me of being jealous and pretending I like him more than I actually do to make her feel bad and 'gatekeep him'. And so I just stopped replying and now she keeps messaging me begging me to come out tonight because she really didn't mean to hurt me and telling me she hates herself and she feels dead inside, so now I'm wondering if I should just go??? I know he's gonna be there too and I'm probably going to have to see them all over each other but I hate that I've made her feel this way.
Sorry but if she knew you liked him and slept with him anyway, she's not a real friend.
I know it sounds stupid but there is a very clear unspoken code between friends which is "don't sleeo/kiss/flirt with the guy your friend likes OR with your friend's ex".
I think you should talk about it with her, 1 on 1, you have to say the same things you told me, which is, that your feelings for him are way deeper than she thinks, try to make her understand that what she did really hurted you. If she decides to pursue him anyway then it's just a big fuck you to you and, for this reason, you should tell her to go fuck herself.
I did what she did to you in high school, I knew my "friend" liked a guy that liked me but I didn't know she really REALLY liked him. She obviously got mad at me and we talked and when I realized I fucked up, I choose our friendship.
If she's a real one, she'll chose you
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Their Favourite Hobby
Hero x Villain. Hero is Villains favourite hobby, and they are always making opportunities to spend more time with them. Hero isn’t complaining, until Villain starts getting a little too close. 
CW: Implied abuse, kidnapping, forced support (like doesn’t give other person a choice in accepting help). I’m not sure what else to flag, let me know if I missed anything important. 
~
This was getting old.
Not only that but it was bad for Hero’s reputation. Four times this last week alone Villain had cornered or captured them, and when you add up the whole month it’s just not good. Not that Hero minded.  
Villain stood at the open end of the alleyway, that stupid cocky grin on their face as they blocked Hero’s only escape. Not that they were much of an obstacle, not to Hero at least. The alleyway wasn’t the nicest place to rendezvous, lined with brick walls, rickety metal stairs on one side leading to the back entrance of a closed down restaurant. The only light was an old bulb above Hero’s head and the moon behind Villains.
Hero let out a sigh but couldn’t keep the smirk from their lips as they watched Villain saunter towards them.
“People are going to start thinking you’re obsessed with me you know,” Hero said.
“Well, they wouldn’t be wrong,” Villain said.
Hero rolled their eyes.
“It’s unhealthy, really. Don’t you have any hobbies?”
Villain stopped about metre away, illuminated by the light above Hero. It was a shitty yellow light that would have made anyone else looking off coloured and sick, but nothing seemed to taint the light that shone in Villain’s eyes. How could they be the bad guy? How could they be on the opposite sides?
“I have plenty of hobbies, you just happen to be one of them.”
“I’m not sure how I feel about being someone’s hobby,” Hero said.
Hero leant against the wall behind them, cold brick pressing into their aching muscles. It had been a long day, and this was a welcome break.
“I promise you,” Villain drawled, “I mean it as a compliment.” They moved to Hero’s side, leaning on the wall beside them, hands tucked into their pockets as they looked up at the starless sky. Hero looked up with them, because if they didn’t, they would have looked at them and that would betray too much. When was the last time they’d even seen the stars? The last time they’d been out of this polluted city?
“So, what’s the excuse today? Are you gonna try and convince me to join your side? Give in to my inner darkness?”
The Villain laughed. Hero hadn’t heard them laugh before, not like this at least. They’d heard their cruel laugh, the laugh that bubbles out in interrogations and negotiations, though that word is used very loosely. But this laugh was different, more melodic, happy.
“While all that sounds grand, I was actually thinking of something simpler,” Villain said.
Hero frowned, and when they said nothing, Villain continued.
“Well, I was thinking, since we’ve been getting along so well lately.”
Hero snorted but didn’t argue.
“I was wondering if you’d do me the pleasure of going to dinner with me.”
Hero felt many things at once and it was an absolute tidal wave in their chest. They hadn’t expected that sort of request. Sure, Villain was attractive and definitely not as bad as Hero’s bosses had made them out to be, but they weren’t sure dinner was even close to a good idea. Or something they wanted. Yes, they had come to enjoy the Villain’s interruptions to Hero’s daily life. They’d come to look forward to when Villain pop in and whisk them away for a few hours, usually spending the time ranting and vaguely interrogating them. But dinner?
Never mind the fact that dinner, even if a seemingly simple thing to Villain, was far from it for Hero.
Amongst the chaos in their mind Hero managed out a laugh, pushing themself off the wall.
“Dinner? With you?”
“You make it sound like you don’t want to,” Villain smirked, stepping away with them. They moved closer, and Hero took a step back but only found the other side of the suddenly too small alleyway. “Come on you know I’m not an idiot,” Villain said. “I, more than anyone, know what you really think,” they said.
They were so close now Hero could barely breath or else breath in their warm and intoxicating scent. It took them a long time to realise that wasn’t one of Villain’s many tricks. That it was something real, something they wanted to be closer to.
“I don’t,” Hero tried, but their voice didn’t convince anyone.
Villain cocked a brow, reached forward and gently picked up their wrist. Hero wanted to wrench it away, keep Villain from touching them, but that in itself would be an admission of the lie.
“Say that again,” Villain said, their fingers soft and warm against Hero’s skin.
Hero rolled their eyes. “You know I don’t need to.”
“Then why did you lie?”
Hero took in a breath, looked down at Villain’s hand on their wrist. This was one of Villain’s tricks. To be able to know truth from lie with a single touch.
“It doesn’t matter,” Hero tried.
They tried to push past Villain, end this all now before despair could come crashing down on them, but Villain stopped them, gripping their wrist a little tighter, palm on their chest to hold them back against the wall. Hero could have broken free, easily. They didn’t.  
Villain looked to them, the mischievous glint in their eye fading, their brows knitting together as they took in whatever information the lie brought them.
“What’s wrong?” They asked.
If Hero said nothing that would just bring more light to the issue and if they said the truth... well, they don’t want to do that. They don’t want that face to hold pity. It’s the only one that cared that didn’t.
“We won’t work,” Hero said. “We’re on separate sides and if either side finds out we’re doomed.”
That frown continued as Villain studied Hero.
“That’s not what you care about though.” Villain said. “At least not all. Besides my side won’t give two shits. It’s kind of our thing to do whatever we want.”
Hero said nothing.
Villain’s grip softened again, moved a little further up Hero’s arm. “You can talk to me you know. I’m not going to judge you like they do.”
Hero knew that. It brought them sense of pride in fact. Hero was the only person in the world it seemed that Villain was soft with. Was caring and even thoughtful. They don’t even know how it had happened, when it had started. Hero had certainly experienced Villain’s darker side, but at some point, it stopped, it shifted and neither two could stand hurting the other.
“It’s not like you need me to tell you right?” Hero said, meeting their eyes. “You can just find out for yourself.”
“I wouldn’t do that to you,” Villain said. “Unless, of course, you want me to.”
Hero took in another breath, struggling to breathe for a different reason now.
“It feels stupid to say aloud,” they said.
“You don’t have to tell me,” Villain said, “just don’t lie to me about how you really feel.”
Hero swallowed the lump in their throat, dropped their gaze.
“Sorry.”
Villain reached up and cupped their face, turning Hero’s gaze to them.
“But, if it has something to do with the other heroes, if they try and hurt you in anyway I will burn everything to the ground.”
Hero didn’t need to have Villain’s powers to know that was the truth. It brought tears to their eyes. They tried to fight them, blink them back, but their vision blurred, and the words fell out of their mouth without their control. A quiet whisper.
“And what if they already have?”
When the tear fell, and Hero could see again there was fury in Villain’s eyes. And regret filled Hero’s chest, sharp and tight.
“What did they do?” Their voice was strained.
Hero shook their head, pushing Villain’s hands away as they wiped away their tears.
“It doesn’t matter, I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“Of course, it matters. Hero, are they hurting you?”
Hero pushed past them tried heading towards the exit of the alleyway. Villain grabbed their arm, but Hero didn’t let them keep it, spinning around and pulling their hand back.
“Just drop it. Its best for everyone if you do. Look, you’re right, ok? I like you, I really do, but this can’t work out. I’m... my life isn’t the life you think it is and it just won’t work, ok? We can’t even be friends.”
“Hero stop,” Villain said chasing after them.
“Just leave me alone.”
“I’m not letting you go back there if they’re hurting you,” Villain said.
They were out of the alleyway now, about to turn left down the street, but Villain quickly moved in front of them again.
“Stop,” they demanded.
Hero’s jaw tightened, but they paused.
“Why would you go back to them if they’re hurting you?” They asked.
Hero shook their head. “They aren’t hurting me, I didn’t mean to say that.” A weak lie, pathetic. Villain didn’t need to use their power to see through it.
“Don’t lie to me,” Villain said.
“You don’t understand.”
“Then explain it to me.”
There was anger laced in Villains voice, a deadly tone that, while Hero knew wasn’t aimed towards them, made them shiver. They just shook their head again.
“It’s not what you think, not exactly. Look I can’t leave, even if I wanted to and that’s as much as I’m going to tell you.”
Hero pushed passed Villain again.
“I’m sorry about this,” Villain said.
They grabbed Hero again, but this time before Hero could free themself a blinding pain shot through their head. After that everything went black.
~
Part 2
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Note
it’s literally 3:13am in England rn. i have to be up at nine, and i’m just listening to harry styles, and his unreleased songs. anyways, i’m listening to his song ‘Baby Honey’ (it’s not released) and the second verse just came on and immediately, my mind went to eddie.
“Oh, I know he's got the money, baby honey, does he make your night?”
EDDIE TALKING TO Y/N ABOUT SOME RICH GUY WHO FANCIES HER
“Is it true he doesn't touch you in the place, the way I know you like?”
SELF-FUCKING-EXPLANATORY!!!
“And I swear that I'm not thinkin' 'bout you all the time,
“Just today, yesterday, every day and tomorrow night”
ASHFGDOPALRUSIKWDD I CANT BREATHE HE WOULD SAY THIS OMG
anyways, this has been the person who requested the tank top, the cologne, dilf eddie, etc, etc.
i bid you goodnight.
wet sweet dreams 😉
NO BC I WAS LISTENING TO THIS SONG YESTERDAY AND THOUGHT OF DOING SOMETHING WITH IT ALKSDJ;FA
i want you to imagine something for me: you're dating steve. he's rich, right? or at least his parents have a lot of money, and he's well-off. i think it would make such good sense here to use him, because for some reason, i think the song fits him as well!
maybe you & eddie had a little bit of a thing before you started dating steve. i'm thinking maybe a friends with benefits situation, where you were fucking with no strings. only both of you got attached and fell in love, but neither of you told the other. to avoid what you perceived as inevitable hurt, you ended the arrangement and began seeing steve instead. eddie was absolutely crushed, and began to plot a way to get you back. he would do it, even if it killed him--or ended in steve kicking his ass, at least. whatever it was, he would find a way to tell you how he felt and get you back into his bed, and his heart.
one night, he catches you leaving your place as you were heading to steve's. you don't want to see eddie, or talk to him; it still hurts too much. you try to avoid him, but he isn't having any of that bullshit. he takes you by the shoulders and gently throws you up against the outside wall of your house, his eyes pleading as they look into yours. his face is inches from your own, and you can't help but stare at his lips. there's so much longing, such an intense urge to kiss him until you were both fucking stupid. but you couldn't do that to steve; he may not have been eddie, but he was a wonderful man. you could never betray him like that.
“i’m sorry for just dropping by like this,” eddie murmured, offering an apologetic grin. “but i just had to see you.”
“why?” you question, your voice barely a whisper as you try to compose yourself. “it’s been seven months, eddie. i thought i told you to stay away. you were doing a damn good job of it, too.”
“yeah, well, no offense,” he says, “but i’m done staying away from you.”
“obviously,” you say with a roll of your eyes. “so, what do you want?”
"i know steve is charming, and he's got a ton of money that i don’t have," eddie whispers, getting right to the point. "but what does he do for you? hm?"
"a lot of things," you reply, still fixated on those lips before you flick your gaze to his eyes. "you wouldn't get it. if you’re here to try and get back into my pants, then just leave right now.”
"bullshit," eddie says, disregarding your last statement and laughing humorlessly as he puts one of his hands above your head. "i know he doesn't touch you the way that i do. he probably doesn't even know the place that makes you tick, does he? he couldn't; he’s too goody-goody and vanilla for you."
"and how do you know that?" you ask, feeling a little angry. "are you there, watching us have sex?"
"no," he says, feeling sick by the very mental image of it. "but i just know that he can't. no one ever fucked you the way that i could; you even told me that more than once."
"well, that was before i got with steve," you say, trying to convince yourself more than him. eddie was saying nothing but the truth, goddammit, and you hated that. "now, if you'll excuse me--"
"goddammit, y/n, will you just listen to me for once?" he pleads, his free hand holding your jaw as he searches your eyes. "i don't give a fuck anymore. be with him, don't be with him, whatever. but there's something that you need to know, before you go out with him tonight. something that i've wanted you to know for so long."
"what?" you ask, a little impatiently. "make it quick."
"look," he says, taking a deep breath. "i've tried so fucking hard not to think about you. i've tried to erase you from my head, but you just continue to stay there. today, yesterday, every day, tomorrow night...all the goddamn time. i don't care if you feel the same way or not, because at this point, it's good to just come out and say it. i'm in love with you, y/n; i have been for so long, and i was too much of a coward to say anything before. then you went & got with harrington, and i...i knew that i fucking blew it. you were gone for good, and i never stood a chance anymore."
you're stunned into silence. you can't move, you can't speak, you can't do anything except look at him. you search his eyes for sincerity, to see if he means this or if he's only saying it to get you away from steve. you see that he's being genuine, that he meant every fucking word, and all you can do is pull him down for a passionate, hard kiss. fuck it; you knew this was wrong, but goddamn, did it feel so right. he was the man you truly loved, he was the man you wanted to be with, and who were you to deny both of you what you wanted?
he took you inside and fucked you that night, and you admitted that you felt the same for him. breaking up with steve the following day was hard, but continuing the charade of your relationship would have been even harder. you had everything you ever wanted now, and that was all you ever needed.
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