#i genuinely don't want to get into back and forth discussion about how wrong i am on this right now tbh

[torchickentacos]

I never do this, but reblogs were off and I want to shout this at everyone. stealing this post.

more thoughts under read more. I know it's a popular saying and I never look down on people who say things like this before knowing the impact they have (or even after to an extent, I have too much benefit of the doubt to go around), as we all have things we say and do that have negative impacts, and sometimes you never know to change that until someone points it out. So this is NOT a call out post or whatever, this is my rambling emotional thoughts on a topic.

I think first and foremost, I'm bothered by the ableism of course. But secondary to that is my annoyance at seeing people act high and mighty about fandom discourse. Like, if you want to talk to adults with jobs, go to linkedin or something, not tumblr, where we do care about things, and where we do discuss things.

And I GET thinking some discourse is stupid. I DO! because guess what. some discourse is stupid skjfhsdjkjfhsdjfhkdjs. I've joked about the poke/amour stuff before. I'll clown on some things, and maybe that makes me a hypocrite, but I feel like a step is taken when you take it from 'making fun of the discourse', something we all do to an extent (which dare I say is a form of participating in it) to 'making fun of the people who engage in such discourse'. We are FREE to talk about how silly the voltron stuff was. We are FREE to be snarky about things because human nature is to be a bit of a hater sometimes. but do it in a way that jabs at the topic and not the people.

But I think a lot of it also hinges on how we see human value on a larger scale. People make fun of people who work retail, people who don't have jobs, people whose jobs are considered extra or undesirable like sex workers, et cetera, despite these jobs being IMPORTANT. It's disheartening to me to see people lean on these types of jabs, and I think it tends to paint human value as something purely based on what you can give out to the world. It leans on this sort of input-output based system of determining how valuable or worthy someone is. And if they don't meet that standard value of 'adult with job', then their opinions are moot as jobless losers in their mom's basements or whatever the fuck. I think the whole thing leans into the conservative 'special snowflake' attitude, which isn't something I think we should be leaning on in arguments or discussion.

And I think that the intent is usually not to be ableist. Most people don't start their day wondering how they can insult disabled people, I'd hope. But intent and impact are often detached, and good intent (avoiding discourse) can have a bad impact (making fun of people in the name of pointing out issues with disocurse). I also think race could be a component, given how racial discrimination in hiring is still a very real thing and is a real factor preventing people from getting 'GoOd ReAl JoBs', but I'll leave that side of the discussion to someone who is more qualified to talk on it than I am. Feel free to chime in with any insight on that side of the coin if you want!!! I imagine the same also goes for visibly queer people but I'm not going to get into the straight/cis passing stuff right now.

And maybe I'm looking too far into it. Maybe I'm just thinking about it too much, maybe it's just a funny little saying that TOTALLY doesn't affect actual people in any way. After all, I'm just some jobless disabled loser in my parent's house talking about discourse on tumblr, aren't I?

[charmandabear]

Office Hours - Chapter Six

Summary:

Astarion surprises you with a night at the theatre that doesn't go quite according to your plan.

Pairing: Astarion/F!Reader Rating: Explicit Word Count: 4.7k Tags/Warnings: rough/angry sex, hair pulling, emotional manipulation, dubcon, bad BDSM practices, angst, daddy kink, reminiscent of Ascended!Astarion, discussions of domestic abuse (in Taming of the Shrew)

Hi. Hello. My sweets. My darlings. This is it. The chapter where you absolutely must mind the tags. Just know that I won't take you anywhere that we won't be able to come back from. Know that I, too, am an absolute baby when it comes to intense subject matter in fics. But I want you to take care of yourselves and your hearts. As always, shoot me a message if you'd like more specifics.

Photo credits: Zaria for Green Pussy Suit Astarion and Nephi Garcia for the incredible dress.

Read on AO3 ~ Masterlist

“In the library? Babes, are you insane?” Shadowheart's voice reaches a pitch you’re fairly sure only dogs can hear. You curl your knees into your chest and cover your face in your hands, feeling the exact appropriate amount of shame.

“I know, I know. All logic goes out the fucking window around him. All I can think is ‘mm, good dick makes brain go brr.’” You let out a frustrated sigh into your hands.

“Do you want to get fired?” She pulls your hand from your face so you can't hide from her pointed stare.

“Oh trust me, I ran about forty different scenarios of that happening through my head on the drive home.”

“Did you, now? And in how many of these did he also get fired?” Shadowheart presses, knowing how your anxiety can get out of hand.

“Like, two,” you groan and drop your head back onto the couch cushions. “I don't know what comes over me. I feel like I can't tell him no.”

“Wait, wait.” Shadowheart grips your knee, suddenly worried. “You can't tell him no as in it feels too good to stop? Or as in it doesn't feel safe to say no?”

“Nine hells, no, the first one!” you respond, horrified. She squints at you and you squirm under her gaze until you’re finally more truthful, both with her and yourself. “Well, I mean, mostly. Like it's not like that. But like also not not like that, you know?”

“I can assure you I do not,” she says in a flat voice, not interested in joking around. You sigh dramatically, trying to find the right words to describe how you feel.

“Like. Okay. Am I fully consenting to everything we do? Yes. 100%. Oh gods, yes.” Your cheeks tinge pink even thinking about it. “But like… am I going against my best judgment? Do I feel like I should say no? Does part of me kinda wish I would say no? Like… maybe?”

“Tav, that's not okay. You need to talk to him about this.” Shadowheart’s voice is soft with genuine worry. Which is ridiculous, because she’s focusing on the wrong thing.

“No, see, that's the thing. It's not actually a him issue, it's a me issue. Like there's something wrong with me, I see his most toxic traits and suddenly I'm like a horny teenager!” Your voice increases in pitch as you grow more hysterical. “How am I supposed to call him out on it when the only words that will come out of my mouth are ‘yes daddy, more please’?”

“Is there anything redeemable about him at all? Besides being good in bed?” She leans back, taking a sip of her wine and fixing you with an incredulous look. 

“I mean… yeah. He’s witty, and bantering back and forth with him is fun. He’s incredibly smart, as loath as I am to admit it, and I like hearing his ideas on things, especially his interpretation of Shakespeare’s text.” You don't even notice the smile growing on your face, but Shadowheart does. “And he’s got this unexpectedly soft side. Like he seems cold and aloof on the outside, but he cares, deeply. About his students, about his cat, about-”

“About you?” she interjects, and your smile falters.

“I don't know, Shade,” you say quietly, almost ashamed to look her in the eye. “I think so. I hope so. But it's not like we've been seeing each other for that long, he’s under no obligation to feel anything.” You practically swallow the last sentence, a truth you're reticent to voice. 

“And you?” she asks softly.

“Man, I don't fucking know. I just want to keep getting laid and not catch feelings, is that so much to ask?” you whine. She laughs, but you can tell that she's only humoring you.

“For you? Probably.”

***

It's been several days and your busy schedules have kept you and Astarion apart for most of it. Save the occasional tension-filled passing in the hall, you've barely interacted at all. You're almost beginning to believe that your whirlwind affair has come to an end when you find a mystery package at your apartment door.

It's made out to you with no discernable return address. You bring the box into your apartment while examining it, trying to ascertain its origin. It doesn't even really look like it was sent through the mail, it looks like it was dropped off.

You take out your phone and call down to the front desk. It rings a few times, then a somber voice answers.

“What dost thou require?” His voice is deep and crackled, like some ancient eternal being.

“Hi Withers, it's Tav in 3C. Do you know anything about this package that was left at my door?”

“I have inspected it, and determined it safe for you to open. It was brought by someone claiming to be a friend.”

“Can you tell me anything about this someone?”

“No.”

And the line goes dead. You laugh and shake your head. If Withers says it's safe, then it probably is. You’d trust that wrinkly old man with your life, honestly. You cut open the tape sealing the box shut and lift off the top.

Inside is something wrapped in tissue paper with a note stuck to it in Astarion's immaculate handwriting. 

Tomorrow evening The Rosewood Seven o’clock Wear nothing underneath

You let out a small involuntary moan when you read the last three words. You carefully unwrap the tissue paper to find a fabric that looks like it's made of starlight. You pull out the midnight black dress and go slightly breathless when you get a good look at it. 

It’s a backless dress with a sweetheart neckline and intricate gold embellishments that almost make it look like armor. It has a lavish gold neck piece attached by several gold chains that drip over the skin. The skirt is made of a weightless black fabric that shimmers with gold as you move it in the light. It almost appears to be cut into two panels with dual hip-high slits.

With a dress cut like this, you wouldn't be able to wear undergarments even if you wanted to.

Your heart hammers in your chest as you think about what he might have in store for you. You're not even sure what's running at the Rosewood right now, but it could be complete trash and you wouldn't even care. You probably won't even be able to pay attention, too distracted by Astarion sitting next to you for two hours.

You feel a pulsing between your legs at the thought. You think of his hand sliding up your knee while you struggle to keep a straight face. Or him reaching an arm around you, gently sliding his fingers into your hair before giving it a sharp tug.

Another moan works its way out of your throat and you follow it up with an annoyed groan. You can really get swept up at the most inconvenient times. It’s not like you don’t have any work you need to do or anything. You roll your eyes as you stalk off to draw a bath.

***

Waiting in the lobby of the theater, you’re feeling surprisingly nervous. The dress, though beautiful, is not particularly comfortable. With all of its various chains and pieces, you needed Shadowheart’s help just to put it on. It helps that she’s also incredibly talented when it comes to hair and makeup, so in truth you feel positively glamorous. 

When you see Astarion, however, everything goes silent. You’re certain that he’s posing for you the way he’s stopped to adjust his cuff. The cut of the suit he’s wearing is exceptionally flattering and you imagine running your hands all over the emerald velvet. His crisp white button down is almost sheer and you desperately want to pull him into you by that forest green silk tie. 

But you can’t tear your eyes away from his face. This is the first time you've seen him wear makeup, and the simple smokey eyeliner look makes his red irises pop. He’s decided to forgo his glasses, presumably opting for contacts instead to show off the makeup. He’s also swapped out his standard silver hoops for little daggers with a red rhinestone glimmering at the hilt. 

He looks up at you the moment you lay eyes on him, or more specifically, the moment your heart starts to beat out of your chest. He flashes you a devastating smile before striding up to you and pulling you into a deep kiss. You can’t even be bothered to care that the other patrons are probably staring as he slides his hand onto your bare lower back, his cool touch sending a shiver up your spine.

He pulls away from you just enough to breathlessly ask, “Are you ready to sit down?”

“Huh?” You’re distracted, too busy plotting a mental path to the bathrooms to fuck him. He lets out a winded chuckle.

“The play. House is open, would you care to find our seats?” His palm is still pressed against your back and you can barely form coherent thoughts. You still don’t even know what play you’re here to see. You just want—no, need—to be near him.

“Um, yeah,” you respond, still trying to get your bearings and remind yourself how to be a person. You let him lead you into the theater, and only once you're in your seats do you realize that neither of you grabbed a program. You pull out your phone to see if you can look it up, but service in the Rosewood is notoriously bad. Instead you just need to sit still next to Astarion, who looks like a dream and smells even better. 

He glances at you as your heart quickens again and his lips curl into a smile. He slips his hand behind your neck and lightly runs his finger along the seam between the golden collar of the dress and your flesh, sending goosebumps down your arms. He leans toward you until his lips are almost brushing your ear. 

“You look absolutely ravishing, my dear,” he whispers, his breath tickling your earlobe. You turn your face toward him on instinct, your chest heaving as you try to steady your breathing. Your lips hover inches apart, anticipating the kiss, when suddenly a throng of noisy actors come barreling down the aisles. You snap away from Astarion as the cacophony of their shrieks of laughter, calls across the audience to one another, and drunken banter fill the house.

One of them clambors onto the stage and shouts, “For God’s sake, a pot of small ale!” He’s dressed in rags and appears by far to be the drunkest of them all. Three servingmen swarm him with various shouts of, “Will’t please your honor?” He shoves them all away and proudly takes up space center stage.

“I am Christophero Sly! Call not me ‘Honor’ nor ‘Lordship,’” he bellows as the rest of the players make their way onto the stage.

Christopher Sly… you’re wracking your brain to remember which play he serves as a framing device for. Most productions cut this scene because it’s long and completely irrelevant. You just can’t for the life of you remember which play he appears in.

The scene continues with their drunken antics and slapstick comedy as the players address Sly as “my noble lord,” making him believe he’s a king that they’re about to perform for. Eventually they carry Sly out on a makeshift palanquin as the “play within the play” begins. Two handsome young men in preppy clothes enter, holding a book and wearing glasses that aren’t too dissimilar from Astarion’s round metal ones. The one without the glasses speaks first.

“Tranio, since for the great desire I had to see fair Padua…”

Tranio? Isn’t he one of the characters in Taming of the Shrew?

He knows you don’t like this play.

Well, if it’s all that’s playing at the Rosewood right now…

But if that’s the case why not just, like, see a movie?

You shift uncomfortably in your dress and cast your gaze towards Astarion. He smiles, taking your fingers and placing a gentle kiss on your knuckles before turning back to the stage. He keeps your hand in his, absentmindedly stroking the back of your hand with his thumb. 

You can feel your heart pounding in your ears and you find yourself wondering what’s running through his head. Just when you think you have him figured out, he does something to surprise you. And honestly, not always in a good way.

Maybe it won’t be so bad. You know the creative team at the Rosewood wouldn’t pick this show if they weren’t going to try to do something with it. 

But even still… is this text even redeemable?

You sit through the entirety of the show cringing as the audience around you laughs at flagrant displays of domestic abuse. The actors, several of whom you’ve worked with before, are trying their hardest to make the lines playful, but some things just can’t be recovered. Between the forced starvation, physical intimidation, and gaslighting, you wonder why companies even bother performing this play anymore. No matter how witty the writing is, it’s just too out of date to be a good season choice.

When the time comes for Kate’s final monologue, you watch in pain as the actress tries to wink-wink-nudge-nudge her way through lines like “place your hands below your husband’s foot.” She’s young, and you wonder if this is one of her first professional gigs. You get a little sad knowing that she’s probably just desperate to do anything, even if it’s trash.

Maybe you’re being a little harsh. All of the individual elements of the show—the acting, set, costumes, direction, lighting—were quite good. You just can’t get over how irredeemable this text is. Worth teaching, yes, and maybe even taking Act II out of context just for the fun banter and clever wordplay. But professional theatre companies should really just retire this one.

In the Lyft back to your apartment, you decide to get Astarion’s take on the matter.

“Do you think it’s possible to redeem a text like Taming in a modern age?”

He pauses for a moment, continuing to look away from you and out the window.

“I do, yes,” he finally answers. “I think it takes a skilled hand, but it can be successful when done well.”

You sit on his response, chewing it over. You decide to take a different route.

“I guess a better question is do you think it’s worth trying to? Like, what are we getting out of it anymore?”

“Is entertainment not enough?” he says with a laugh. You wrinkle your nose at him.

“Sure, if you’re a basic ass bitch. But I want my art to mean something. And I can’t think of what this play can possibly mean if it’s not ‘shrill women are annoying and should learn their place.’” You cross and uncross your legs, trying to keep yourself decent.

“Last I checked, you enjoy being put in your place,” he says in a low hum and your pussy betrays you with a clench. 

“Shut up,” you grumble, and you’re grateful that the dark car hides your reddening cheeks. “It’s different.”

“Is it, though? Ultimately it is a text about two dysfunctional people finding comfort in one another.” His sincerity catches you off guard, and almost makes you angry that he’s been taken in by the propaganda.

“That’s only a valid interpretation if you ignore half of what happens in the play. They’re not equally dysfunctional, Kate literally gets beaten into submission and pretends to be happy about it. Petruchio is exactly the same from the start to the finish, he has no fucking character arc.” Your hands start to shake as you try to keep your cool. You’ve had this conversation far too many times with men who think they can interpret out the sexism by simply glossing over Kate’s abuse.

The Lyft stops in front of your building and you thank the driver as you get out. Astarion follows you, and you’re not even sure if you want him to accompany you upstairs. But you remain silent as you walk past Withers and into the elevator.

“You’re overreacting,” Astarion says once the elevator doors close. “People are drawn to this play for a reason. The text is excellent, and no one truly thinks of Petruchio as an abuser.”

“Are you joking?” Your voice gets shrill and the similarity to Kate isn’t lost on you. “The whole thing normalizes his abuse. The fact that people don’t think of him as an abuser is the problem.”

“It’s a slapstick comedy,” he snaps, his voice growing stern. “Are you going to tell me that we need to cancel the Three Stooges because it promotes violence?”

“Don’t be fucking condescending,” you spit. “It’s not the same and you know it.”

“How is it not the same? Suddenly because it’s a woman in the role it no longer counts? Are you implying that women should be barred from certain types of performance because of their gender?” He walks past you into your apartment and you throw your keys and bag on the counter, not even bothering to see where they land.

“No, that’s not what I’m saying, now you’re just twisting my words,” you grumble, more frustrated than ever by your inability to match his eloquence.

“So use your own words,” he sneers, whirling around to face you. “How is it not the same?”

“It’s because- well, I- It’s different, just- argh!” Your head is clouded by your attraction to him, which has annoyingly only grown over the past few minutes of shouting. You’re suddenly reminded of the smug arrogant bastard that you first met. He lets out a jeering laugh.

“See? You can’t even defend your own point.” 

His sardonic cruelty sets something off in you and you angrily grab the lapel of his green suit. Your intentions are a complete mystery even to you, because as soon as you’re within inches of one another, instincts take over. You crush his lips into yours and pull him backwards until you thump against the door behind you. He paws hungrily at the dress, sliding his hand under the slit and around to grab your bare ass. You gasp into his touch, feeling equally frustrated and aroused that he even controlled what you wore tonight.

Your fingers make their way into his hair and you pull hard, breaking the kiss and leaving his mouth open, panting. His eyes are sparkling with a fire that you haven’t seen yet and a low growl manifests in your throat. He smirks and buries his teeth into your shoulder, something he usually asks bespoke permission for. You cry out in response, twisting your hands tighter into his silvery locks.

He unlatches from your shoulder and pushes his knee past the front of your skirt and up onto your bare cunt. You grind wantonly against the velvet as he kisses you with bloody lips. He grabs hold of the delicate chains of the dress and yanks, detaching them from the collar and making the entire bodice crumple and pool around your waist. Your nipples immediately harden at the sudden exposure to cold air and he pinches one sharply between his fingers. Your hips roll into his leg as you groan, fully ruining his pants. He continues to bite around your neck and shoulders, placing little puncture wounds in his path, marking you as his.

You grab onto his tie and push him away so you can shimmy out of the rest of the dress. You’re now down to just the gold collar of the dress and your heels, a look you wish you could hate but don’t. You pull him across your living area and toward your bedroom, shoving him down onto the edge of the bed. 

“Thou hast hit it, come, sit on me,” he says, quoting Petruchio with a sinister grin. Kate’s retort falls out of your mouth reflexively.

“Asses are made to bear, and so are you,” you hiss as you straddle his hips, wrapping his tie around your hand until you’ve gripped it up to the knot. Your other hand violently unbuckles his belt, yanking it through the loops with a snap.

“Women are made to bear, and so are you,” he says with a caustic laugh, digging his nails into your ass cheeks. You tug sharply on his tie, bringing his lips close to yours.

“No such jade as you, if me you mean,” you snarl and silence him with an angry kiss. You don’t want to encourage his idiotic behavior, but you’d be lying to yourself if you said this wasn’t a fantasy you’ve had before. You fumble with the buttons of his suit jacket, trying to get him undressed as quickly as possible. You’re not sure if you feel more vulnerable or more powerful being undressed while he’s still fully clothed, but either way you want him naked, now. You get about three buttons into his shirt before you grow impatient, ripping it the rest of the way open and sending buttons flying. 

Good. Let him need to repair his clothes for once.

You push him flat onto his back and descend onto his chest, alternating kisses, licks, and bites. Your dull human teeth don’t have nearly the same effect as his fangs, but it just means you get to bite twice as hard in order to leave a mark. He writhes beneath your touch, and you feel a twisted satisfaction at the quiet little grunts and gasps you’re finally pulling from him. He’s rarely this vocal during sex, and it’s only serving to spur you on more.

His groans build until you capture his nipple in your teeth and bite down, causing him to shout and buck his hips up into you. In a flash he flips you around onto your back and he bears down on you, eyes dangerous. 

“Little love, do you think you’re in control?” he asks in a low growl, his hand gripped around your jaw. You sneer and slide your leg against the strained bulge in his pants. He hisses and your smile widens.

“Right now? Yes,” you coo, continuing to press your calf against his velvet-covered cock. You grab the tie still hanging around his neck and pull him close. 

“If you want it back, fucking take it.”

If I put my hands around your wrists, would you fight them?

He kisses you roughly, catching your bottom lip in his teeth biting hard enough to puncture the skin. He pulls back slightly, a drop of your blood running down his chin and a snide grin. He makes like he’s about to kiss you again but shoves your face away before your lips make contact.

This is the worst you’ve ever seen him—the most arrogant, the most condescending, borderline cruel even. And you have never been more turned on.

If I put my fingers in your mouth, would you bite them?

“Is that all you’ve got?” you taunt, licking the blood from your lips. “Go ahead, choke me, daddy.”

The feminist in you is horrified, but the little gremlin controlling your libido is having the time of its life. It squeals with delight when his hand closes around your throat, just barely constricting your breathing. 

“You insolent little brat,” he breathes into your ear, pulling up on your jaw. “I will absolutely ruin you.”

And there will be no tenderness, no tenderness.

“Do it, coward,” you spit, and he lets go just long enough to finish undressing from the waist down. He grabs your still heeled ankle and presses your leg up by your shoulder, stretching you wide enough to take him without any prep. You gasp as he fills you, the stinging pain outweighed by the gratification of finally feeling him inside you.

The only thing that I ask, love me mercilessly.

He sets a punishing rhythm, one knee on the bed and the other foot still firmly planted on the floor. He bottoms out with each long thrust and you grab hold of his hair to brace yourself. He winces with the pain but doesn’t slow down, and your moans grow high and loud as he continues to furiously pound into you. 

“Gods, fuck, Astarion,” you keen, your desire coiling in your belly and threatening to explode. “Keep going, daddy, fuck me please.” He grunts with the effort and your dirty talk seems to be having an effect as his pace falters. You jerk your hips up into him, chasing your orgasm, until finally it barrels through you like a runaway train. You pull on his hair as you come and that sets off his, his pulsing cock pressing against the clenching walls of your cunt. 

He stays deep inside you as the aftershocks reverberate through both of you, until the only sound remaining is your heavy panting. He drops his forehead to touch yours, a pleasantly tender moment after some of the roughest sex you can recall having. He starts to giggle and you follow suit, suddenly giddy. He pulls out of you with a squelch and walks to the bathroom to get a towel to clean up the mess you’ve left behind. He wipes you down gently, a surprising bit of aftercare you’re not accustomed to with him. He plants a tender kiss on your lips and you feel dizzy with affection for him.

You settle up against the headboard of your bed, his arm around you and both of you looking at your phones in a companionable silence. After a moment, he lets out a small chuckle. 

“What?” you ask, turning your head towards him quizzically.

“I’m just shocked that worked, is all,” he laughs, shaking his head. Your confusion grows and you furrow your brow.

“What worked?” you laugh with him, but something doesn’t feel right.

“The whole night, taking you to see Taming, getting into just enough of a fight to result in,” he vaguely waves his hand, gesturing to the edge of the bed, “all of that.”

“Wait, what? What do you mean?” You pull away from him and your stomach drops. Surely he can’t be suggesting what you think he’s suggesting.

“You get riled up so easily, I thought this might be fun.” He still doesn’t seem to have picked up on your heart pounding in your ears, which is frankly unusual for him.

“Are you saying… Wait, are you saying that you planned that fight? So, what, we’d have angry sex?”

“Of course, you don’t think I actually believe anything that I said, do you? Taming of the Shrew might be well-written, but it’s a rubbish play to produce.” He finally turns to you and sees that you’ve gone white as a sheet. “Oh, darling, don’t take it like that, you’re positively adorable when you’re angry, I couldn’t resist.” He tries putting his hand to your cheek but you flinch away like he’s burned you.

“Get out,” you say in a low voice, unable to even look at him.

“What?” He’s still laughing. He doesn’t get it. “My sweet, didn’t you-”

“GET. OUT.” Your voice has a venom in it that even shocks you. He stares at you in horror until you shoot him an icy glare. “Now.”

Without a word he stands and quickly puts his clothes back on. You stay in your bed, naked and curled under a sheet, until you hear the front door of your apartment slam. With shaking hands, you call Shadowheart.

“Moonmaiden’s delight, did you enjoy yourself? It certainly sounded like you did.” The sound of Shadowheart’s bubbly laugh usually makes you smile, but right now it seeps into your skin like poison.

“Shade, please come over,” you whimper, and the second the words leave your mouth, the tears begin to fall. You don’t hear her hang up, but you do hear a muffled, “I’m going to fucking kill him!” through the wall. You pull your knees further into your chest and sob.

[cowboyfromh3ll]

Hcs for the boys' toxic traits. Preferably arthur, javier, john, and charles, but other boys are welcome too! I'm curious to see what you'd say Dutch's toxic traist are, though they're pretty self explanatory 😭

I just love how you write sm sorreyyyy

Van Der Linde Gang's Toxic traits

(Arthur Morgan, Javier Escuella, John Marston, Charles Smith, Micah Bell, Dutch Van Der Linde, Sean Macguire, Kieran Duffy, Eagle Flies)

HAHAHA THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN TO WRITE. I tried not to sugarcoat anything.

Arthur Morgan - He definitely has some trouble communicating. Not to say he never will communicate with you but it'll be long in between and after it's been plaguing him for a milenium. As we've seen, this man is capable of having deep, well thought out conversations. He'd also be pretty prideful to some degree. Mostly depends what point in time you start dating, later in game he'd be able to see past his pride. Also, I feel like if you were dating a major point of contention in your relationship would be questioning whether it's time to move on from this life.

Javier Escuella - WAY too jealous. I don't even mean it in a cute way but in a way that would genuinely cause several arguments between you two. "Why were you looking at him that way?" "That sounded like you were flirting with him" "Why do you spend so much time around the other guys?" Would also be around you 24/7. Someone would be incapable of having a conversation with you that doesn't include Javier. You two would also argue about Dutch's leadership skills.

John Marston - Oh my God this man is so indecisive. Doesn't know what he wants ever. In a modern setting you two would be sitting in the car, asking each other back and forth "what do you wanna eat?". And his commitment issues? Good lord. At some points in your relationship it'd probably feel like you guys aren't dating at all. You'd probably have to beg him to put some effort into the relationship to be honest.

Charles Smith - It's so hard to think of ANYTHING this man can do wrong but alas, I must. You probably wouldn't be his top priority at all times. Which isn't to say you should ALWAYS be at the top of his list, but sometimes it can result in your feelings being neglected over a situation that affects you. Only when the day reaches it's end will he consult you over something, which will have you feeling incredibly frustrated.

Micah Bell - This man is a walking red flag so let's not dance around his flaws. Incredibly prideful, will ignore your warnings over something just to get his way. Also probably lies to you A LOT. Can be way too rough with you in many aspects. Also this man embodies the word sleezy. Yuck.

Dutch Van Der Linde - Do I even need to say. So fucking stubborn. He also probably thinks he's intelectually superior to you. If you bring up a concern to him he'll probably use as many flowery and big words as possible to make himself appear smarter during the discussion than he actually is. And if you advise him to do anything he'll probably just ignore you, saying you don't know what you're talking about. All in all, thinks he's better than you. Also you're probably a trophy wife since Dutch views women as accessories to his success, if you can even call it success.

Sean Macguire - He doesn't take anything seriously. If you're trying to have a genuine discussion with him he'll play it down and make it seem less important or severe than it actually is. Don't even bother trying to emphasize how serious you are because he won't take that seriously either. It's only until he feels the consequences of his actions will he listen to you, which results in a frustrating cycle.

Kieran Duffy - Also very indecisive but in the way where he can't speak up for himself because he doesn't think it's important. Has such low self esteem, he also probably thinks his emotions are less important which results in a lot of miscommunication on his behalf. Sorta just let's you take the lead all the way, always let's you have your way, with no valuable input of his own. You have to shake his shoulders and beg for him to actually speak his mind.

Eagle Flies - He's probably so childish. Like, mommy issues CEO over here. Will probably seek for you to fulfill that role in his life. Has almost no control over his emotions and has trouble identifying them, and when he does indentify them, has absolutely no idea what to do with them in terms of expression. He will make various efforts to communicate with you but will struggle immensely. Being with him will probably be like teaching a man how to experience emotions in a healthy way. I could write an entire post dedicated to what I think his toxic traits are

More eagle flies ones

[sysmedsaresexist]

We're curious, since you apparently were anti-endo in the past Was there any specific event or conversation or experience that got you to start contemplating the idea you might have been wrong? I know you've mentioned talking to a buncha big name docs and going "okay I think I'm on the wrong side of this debate" but what got you to the point of even bringing it up with them in a genuinely open minded way? We think its an interesting topic for people who've escaped any kind of shithead mindset, not just anti-endo stuff, and so we're oft curious what pulls people out of those pits

This has been a loooonnggggg time coming.

I wish there was just one event that did it, if it was that simple I'd be putting everyone I come into contact with into that situation.

I spoke with Kymbra Clayton in early 2021 about her paper, Critiquing the Requirement of Oneness. It was on a bunch of, "proof endos exist," lists, and it didn't sit right with me. I was surprised to find that she wasn’t... quite anti endo, but she was upset that her work was being used to support them. Her paper was specifically about the shift in clinical circles from final fusion to functional multiplicity as a possible treatment goal. It sort of sent me deeper on the anti side, but it made me realize that, holy crap, I can talk to these people???

So I emailed Colin Ross later that year, desperate to prove someone else wrong, and despite numerous back and forth emails, he was completely pro endo. I never spoke about that conversation until I made my post about it... jeez, what, two weeks ago? What even is time.

But from there, I worked through other doctors, pro and anti, from both my personal, professional circles, and anyone else who would respond to inquiries about their work on whatever social media they were active on. Mostly, as therapists, they stressed the importance of understanding and kindness, regardless of personal beliefs.

I ended up helping a lot of endogenic systems learn about DID, and I realized that, wow, shocking, being nice facilitates conversation. As I got nicer, people were more willing to talk to me about their experiences. I saw how many people were really struggling and I realized that I wanted to help them more than I wanted to be right.

I got REALLY goddamn tired of hearing, "we don't have DID," and I realized I had to concede on that point. There was ZERO conversation to be had if I couldn't get my head around that. But if not DID, then what?

The more I heard, the more I shaped my own thoughts and understanding, the more I broadened my academic searches (wow, there's more terms to Google than just "DID trauma"), and the research was just overwhelming.

I wanted so badly to see the Stanford Tulpa studies fail that I actually started to enjoy the other work of the doctors involved (specifically Tanya Luhrmann, Michael Lifshitz is a little out there for me, but he sure is passionate). The more I read, the more I understood what they were hoping to accomplish and prove, and the more I saw ways that this kind of research can help people.

I don't agree with everything, but I'm still excited to see where it goes, and I realized it's okay to have mixed feelings and opinions, as long as I could be respectful about it.

I've been sneaking out endo safe content for about a year now, adding it on as the last tags. I've discussed at length about my changing beliefs. I'm shocked that no one noticed??

But I didn't actually change my stance publicly until the antis turned on me.

With this new round of antis from TikTok, they were posting stuff about DID that wasn't correct. At all. Some of it was disgustingly wrong. I tried to correct them, gave them pointers and resources to use, explained things they weren't understanding. I gave an amazing play by play of how @sophieinwonderland was going to tear their post apart, and managed to get it pretty damn close to what actually happened! That was fun.

And in return, they called me an endo and started an actual smear campaign against me.

(Hi, friendos, another reminder to get off my blogs and block me, please)

It was the straw that broke the back. I had held on the anti label specifically to be able to work within the anti community, but I was clearly not anti, these were clearly not my people, and they weren't interested in learning. Their actions and behaviour were beyond low. I wanted nothing to do with them.

But, I mean, I guess some people noticed my slow shift, because when I did reach out into the endo community just before I made my first Colin Ross post, they were quick to pull me in without question.

The acceptance and kindness that has been shown to me is... breathtaking. I can't think of a better word. The conversations that I've been having with people have been more interesting and beneficial than ever before.

Syscourse needs to involve actual conversation, and I've finally found that on the pro side.

TL;dr I wanted to prove endos wrong SO badly that I accidentally proved them right

[ask-spiderpool]

Ngl ,i love your work,but it rubs me wrong how Peter's discomfort w venom doing sexual things without Peter's consent or knowledge is treated as a joke,or just generally kind of dismissed. Also- I'm autistic and love love love autistic peter parker hc,but the fact he was called 'on the spectrum' soley because he got upset at venom for this and 'couldn't put himself in venoms shoes' also kind of felt really bad.

ough, bless you anon! I really appreciate you vocalising your thoughts and concerns in a really sincere respectful way. I want to respond so you don't feel unheard!

I'd also like to take this chance to say that the actions of one Wade W. Wilson do not reflect the thoughts of the ask-spiderpool moderator. The ask-spiderpool moderator does not condone his words or actions. He is a bad man. The words he's saying are bad.

Deadpool is definitely playing the role of a villain here, and he's kind of intentionally choosing his words with the intention of punishing Peter and invalidating him. He knows what he's doing. And Spider-man knows it too.

I know it's something a lot of people don't like to see from Wade – but it's a part of his character that I find interesting to explore and to see him eventually overcome. His ability to weaponise everything, and his instinct of self-sabotage. It becomes dangerous territory to write sometimes because people generally want to side with Deadpool and believe he'll do no wrong, but - I don't know, to strip him of all his ugliness would be untrue to him. Similarly with Peter – I guess I'm just really interested in parts of Wade and Peter that you don't really get to see explored in fanon very often.

It's kind of a problem though that yeah - when you write this sort of a thing there's the risk of people who don't look at it critically - so you get people idolising or siding with Deadpool when what he's doing is really bad actually. It's kind of a miracle, the sorts of things Wade gets away with, while Peter's attacked for it - and that's something I kind of like to examine, too.

I think I do have a responsibility to make this blog feel safe, but also challenging and interesting - and I think I'll be working hard to kind of find a balance between the two. I'm still trying to figure it out - to write what I find interesting, knowing my own intentions but knowing it probably will be misinterpreted – or writing something else that is easy and pleasing to everyone (not really my bag, and also near impossible!), or just not write at all (also impossible for me! Got a brain-itch to scratch...)

I really appreciate when people read my writing and see what I'm getting at – but it doesn't always happen, and it isn't really anyone's fault. I kind of like to offer explanations and further meta, and the fics, because I love to be understood - and the server where I love to have discussions with people about how they receive these posts. The reason I love running this blog is the discussions I have with people about it. The back-and-forth, and so I really do love people to look at Wade and Peter a little deeper.

I have a genuine interest in autistic Peter and it's something I want to explore further in a sincere light, this is kind of just the first tease of something I want to explore more later, if the asks permit. I think every Peter Parker is autistic-coded - I've written a little bit about it here! I'm no expert on diagnosis - but as fantastical as ask-spiderpool can get sometimes - I kind of always want what Wade and Peter are going through in their heads to feel real and tangible and understandable, and come from a place of sincerity.

The consent issue is a complicated one – (as is the way with applying real-world-logic to the realm of alien sex with what you thought was just a slick space-age onesie...) Peter's relationship with the symbiote occupies more of a realm of metaphor than anything - and I don't think there's any sort of 1-to-1 comparison to the real world. (Has your sex-toy ever gained sentience and passed judgement upon you? Peter Parker's worst nightmare!)

There is a running theme of Peter kind of having his boundaries crossed - and the symbiote is sort of tied to that theme. The symbiote was entirely responsive to Peter's thoughts and didn't do anything Peter didn't will it to do - the real issue is the mortifying ordeal of being perceived. And it's a running theme with Peter - he hides so much and very often his privacy is violated.

It's often played for laughs, because Deadpool doesn't always take Spider-man's boundaries seriously and likes to push him – but it's something that will come to a head, and Peter will be laying down the law very soon.

I'm really thankful for your message anon, and I really hope this response reaches you with similar sincerity that you reached out to me with and that I'm understood! - I love you so much anon! My DMs over on @sciderman are also open if you'd like to talk to me more!

[thebestcrew]

Inflammatory statements and claims of impossibility

In other words "How not to change someone's mind"

"Cannot exist" "delusional" "wrong" "invalid" "fuck off" "stupid" "lying" "aren't real"

These are just a few examples of inflammatory language that are common on Tumblr. If you are trying to educate and change someone's mind about something, you should NOT use inflammatory language.

For one, it causes the other party to become defensive. Once someone is on the defensive, you may as well pack up and go home. You will not succeed in changing their minds or getting them to see how they could potentially be in the wrong. You are hindering your cause.

Second, using inflammatory language means you intend to shame or bully the other party into agreeing with you. Do I really need to say how wrong this is to a largely abused and traumatized community? You want them to agree to you without thinking for themselves. You are hoping to dominate them. But it is important that the other party comes to understand and agree ON THEIR OWN instead. To blindly agree out of pressure or fear will create a tide of misinformation in its wake. You will get a lot of "well this person said it's bad or works this way, so it is" with little actual understanding or ability to help and teach others on the subject.

Third, back up your claims. Avoiding inflammatory language is very important, but so are resources to further educate. No, it is not everyone's job to teach others, but if someone asks for proof or resources and you can provide them, then make sure the information is RELEVANT to the discussion. Do not just flood someone with an overwhelming amount of resources and expect them to comb through it to find the one specific thing they asked about or have doubts over. Provide specifics, then you can provide more general resources for further reading as an option. Because yes, Google exists, and yes, everyone can use a search function to find information. But the information someone finds may not even be the same that YOU got your information from. Also, if you use inflammatory language, no one will want to read any resource you give them anyway.

Fourthly, make sure you understand what you are saying. If you contradict yourself or something isn't adding up, people WILL call it out. If they do, it is important to understand and accept that a mistake or miscommunication happened and approach it again. Discussions are not one and done deals. There will be, and SHOULD have, back and forth conversations. Do not treat a correction as an attack.

And lastly, make it relatable. If you feel someone is wrong, then provide a relatable scenario to compare it to. You don't believe in endogenic plurality but do believe in Aparant Normal Parts? Provide information and multiple scenarios that can explain how they relate and could be mistaken or overlap in behavior. Doing so after using inflammatory language will destroy any chance of relatability. There are genuine instances of people not knowing something exist that could better describe their experiences. But trying to convince someone of this while also attacking them is not how to approach it.

I keep seeing syscourse and random declarations in the plural tags that clearly don't want to be anything beyond shaming others. There isn't an intention to help or wanting to spread understanding and information. No matter what side you stand on, no matter your beliefs, debates and gaining influence is not won through inflammatory language and shaming. It is through understanding and proper civil discussion.

People will not agree with everything you say or present to them. That can't be your only goal going into this. Your goal can not be to prove you are right and that they are wrong. The goal should be to provide what you can in a civil manner so that others who are also watching can learn and decide for themselves. You cannot force a horse to drink as the saying goes. But that doesn't mean the tank of water doesn't serve a purpose for others.

Stop poisoning the well and sabotaging yourselves.

And remember, it is okay to disengage if someone is being inflammatory.

(Examples used were just because it was fresh on the mind. This post is not targeting anyone specific. It's been a long time coming in general)

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

I wanted to share this reddit post with you. The comments are primarily in his favor so I don't have any screenshots to share. It's just crazy. So this guy was asking if he was in the wrong for asking his girlfriend to use a different body wash. Here's the original post:

The main thrust of this post is, I am allergic to nuts and my girlfriends bodywash contains almond oil. It isn't life threatening for me to come in contact with it but it does cause hives. I asked my girlfriend (Jess) to change the body wash she uses as I am getting hives from residue of her body wash in the shower.

Jess was initially fine with it after a small back and forth but has since spoken to friends and believes that I am being too controlling, as do her friends. My friends are mostly neutral with a couple saying that I need to "nut up" and let her use whatever she wants.

A little bit of added context is that we recently decided we wanted to move in together and decided to do a "trial run" as Jess still lives with her parents and I rent my own place. So it's easy enough for her to move in with me for a few months to see if living together full time works for us.

It's never been a problem before now as I've never had a reaction from touching Jess after she uses it, but I am having a reaction from the residue that is left in the shower, usually on the removable shower head which I need to use to get clean because I'm a big dude and just leaving it up there doesn't reach everywhere.

Jess has always been aware of my allergies, she doesn't eat nuts if she knows we're going to do anything together and the few times when she has, she thoroughly brushes her teeth before seeing me.

And here's the update:

I know that I only responded to like one comment, but the amount that I received was honestly overwhelming. So, thank you to everyone who responded. I did read all of them. I thought I'd post this update to tell you guys what happened and explain a little bit of why I made the initial post. For those who were wondering about ages, I'm 21 and Jess is 25. My friends hover around my age and hers hover around her age.

I wish I could come back and say that I had seen my own value and got myself out of the relationship, but the truth is that Jess broke up with me two days after the post. I was still thinking, and she asked to meet up to discuss things. I went in hoping for the best but was met by her telling me that it wasn't working, and she didn't see a future for us where we're both happy. That hurt a lot.

I've spent the past few days sort of realising how stupid my original post here was, OF COURSE I'm not an asshole for not wanting to come into contact with something I'm allergic to.

I think a lot of you probably wondered why I even had to ask. The truth is that I felt like I was going crazy. I genuinely liked and respected her friends, I thought they were really smart. So, to be told that this was the opinion of my girlfriend as well as theirs made me take it very seriously. When I went to my friends and received no support or validation, I started to convince myself that I was wrong.

I also actually learned from the comments that continued exposure could worsen my reactions so that's handy to know now.

This is so messed up. I have a pretty serious garlic allergy that I have to take precautions for so I get it. The reaction from the friends just screams ignorance to me. It isn't about control, it's about his life. Besides, even if he would never have a bad reaction, it's still something that should be respected.

[docholligay]

I really hope you don't take this as me trying to pressure you in any way. I seriously do not intend for it to sound like that, but I genuinely wanted to thank you and Jet for your discussions, writings, headcanons and your podcast. It seriously revolutionized the way I look at sm and I cherish that and both of you extremely dearly.

I'm incredibly grateful, thank you, truly.

You don't need to answer this don't worry ( I slry fought the urge to submit this as anon cause I'm extremely awkward rn)

No, I never hate hearing that something I've done is generally good ahahah. I would love for both of us to be less busy and do more back and forth, interactive, Sailor Moon stuff between us. You know what they say about iron sharpening iron, and I think Jetty, whatever she says about herself, has a real media savvy and eye for visual detail that I don't, whereas I paid someone to teach me how to dissect a story. Add that to the fact that we have different preferences and pain points in media, and that both of us, without knowing each other, got involved in Sailor Moon itself but more importantly, fanfic and creative expression WITHIN Sailor Moon, and i think we do create an at least interesting discussion. Also, we like each other! So even if I think she is stupid and dead wrong, and, trust, we do have those points within Sailor Moon, i never get too pissy about it, and nor does she. Because we are also both aware that we are arguing over a children's cartoon about space princesses, and when you're aware of that everything calms right the fuck down.

All that to say thank you! It's always nice to hear something ...well, nice ahaha.

[muzzlemouths]

OK time to discuss some thoughts concerning the DLC/Eclipse. Obviously, spoilers ahoy

. So first and foremost, I really appreciate their voice mannerisms (prior to being rebooted) being about what we expected out of Eclipse. One talking and then the other talking, despite the body itself not changing. And then after being rebooted, that voice becoming soft and careful. There are many implications to what the change means, but I'll return to that thought later.

. Getting confirmation that the light isn't just a pesky nuisance but does, in fact, genuinely hurt Moon. More than that — the confirmation that the animatronics can feel pain at all! I've been writing my fics with this headcanon in mind the whole time, but it's nice to have it confirmed.

. THE TABLE W/ PLUSHES. I know a lot of the fandom has already decided that Sun was playing by himself (a hc that is incredibly sad on its own) but I've been thinking... wouldn't it be neat if this was a showcase of them playing with each other? If they're both stuck in this state of back-and-forth and communication is limited if available at all, wouldn't it make sense for one of them to set-up a scene and the other to finish it? Is it not even sadder that this might be the only way they can have any sort of real conversation?

. Their mouth moves. Their mouth moves??? Their mouth moves! I'm not for sure the exact reason for why it's hidden behind their mask, but I'm assuming it was put in place after they were reworked as daycare attendants. It makes sense that they would be able to move and talk like the glamrocks, especially while working theater, so my only guess is that they placed the mask over their face after reworking them to prevent young children from sticking their fingers between the moving teeth. As a former daycare volunteer (and a teacher of the 1st-4th grade), let me tell you, kids that age will put their fingers anywhere.

. Happy Birthday! I don't think this being their first line after having been rebooted has anything to do with the rebooting itself. Like, I doubt there's any real correlation beyond them recognizing that it's Cassie's birthday. Then again, Kellen Goff's tweet makes me think I could be wrong about this one. Who knows!

. OK OK OK so the way they switch between Sun/Moon when we're wearing the mask is really fun (as mentioned by twinanimatronics, Moon rocks while Sun twitches!) but I want to talk about how wearing the mask inside their bedroom makes it look clean, and the implications behind that if we see Sun while the mask is on but Moon while it's off. Does it mean Moon sees things how they are while Sun sees things how he wants to? (Sidebar, this will definitely be influencing how I write Sun's denial in DMD)

. On a similar note, the mask being on in their bedroom also shows Eclipse's face over their ceiling, but more than that, it shows their ceiling decorations (the painted on clouds, now almost entirely gone) moving, with trees swaying at the very corners. Is this a trick of the mask, or is this how they really saw the room? Was it built that way or did it just happen after years of being cooped up inside? ARGHGH there's just so much to think about with this one!!

There's definitely more but these are the ones rattling around in my brain the hardest. Let me know your thoughts!

[buttercuparry]

I know sometimes most of us are just playing around in the fandom without any insidious reason. Hell sometimes things are just a vision and we all want those visions to see the light of the day, and there truly isn't anything wrong with that! But if a fan of colour is commenting on your post about something that might be a concern of theirs and you know this concern is related to matter of fandom racism, I don't think they are doing so to personally attack you about something. And if it indeed does feel like a criticism and you know you didn't mean your art/post/whatever else to express any sort of discrimination, I think just talking about it simply can help clear things. You don't even need to go into an explanation. It's really that simple.

I know fandom can get heated and hell despite our best attempts, back and forth tangent of discourse happens. But the way the fandom treats fans of colour not just in the asoiaf side of tumblr but everywhere-it's a bit disheartening. You have people mocking a fan of colour in tags of a post and going "all this discourse for lily white starks". Well you all don't really listen or even acknowledge unless fans of colour are loud, do you? And when they do get loud, you all start having problems.

"Lily white starks" was the point of discourse. That's what many of us who are PoCs in the asoiaf fandom have been saying. They are all the most ashiest whites to have ever whited and race bending is cool as fuck but they aren't 90s animal cartoons where you have two cats having kittens and half of the litter has orange fur while the other half has brown fur. But somehow the character whom fanon deems to be "plain" ( never mind the text says the opposite), whose gender identity gets questioned every now and then ( even though in text they specifically state what they identify as), is drawn racially ambiguous while her siblings look like they don't even have a drop of melanin-you bet fans of colour are going to feel a type of way about this. And till now I haven't seen any major discussion regarding this, not even a peep of acknowledgement that it's a bit weird that the fanon trajectory where people shout "let (redacted) character be ugly" and then this (redacted) character and all who look like her is drawn with brown skin. But wait there's more! The "Helen" of asoiaf universe, even though is said to look like this (redacted) character is often argued to have looked nothing alike at all. So you see how all this shit evolved into the discourse under that art post right? Like it's not like this discontent was bred in a vacuum.

Even now when a new fan comes into asoiaf fandom, after a few months around they know what the dead ladies club is. Because it is that discussed and it should be because Grrm is shit like that. But dead ladies club evolved from being a genuine criticism to a championing a kind of womanhood that posits itself as the best of them all. And this mentality continues to this day and the race bending of certain houses comes from that. You have a fandom that dislikes one of the most important characters so much, that every thing they do is considered a devastation. This dislike is based on the fact that she doesn't really fit in with the kind of womanhood that's considered traditional. It has been literally witnessed how this character has changed the fantasy genre's notion of the "chosen one" but you have dudebros crying foul. And thus anything related to her is bashed more than it deserves to be and you have one of her deceased family members being presented as the devil incarnate. The woman this dead man has supposedly wronged is suddenly a woc, and the whole of the kingdom she belonged to is also a representation of poc culture in fanon?? Like do you see how exploitative this is? And then to further drive in the notion of evil, there came the dominant headcanon where one of the most priviledged and bloody houses in the fictional asoiaf universe is made analogous to real world indigenous pocs who are still fighting for their rights in their own country. It cannot get more batshit insane than that.

I genuinely believe that certain characters were initially drawn in darker shades out of a personal artistic vision. But then this got twisted by the fandom at large to suit their supposed intellectual narrative and bnf artists just simply followed the trend never questioning anything and years and years of this practice got cemented as natural and canon. Never was it questioned why a character ( and all who look like her) who is falsely fanonized as violent and ugly is drawn shades darker and why another character of whom we know nothing of but how violently she met her end is also a woc.

The most recent discourse that happened under the post carries a weight of this particular fandom history. I know there's artistic vision to consider which is why I personally try not to criticize an artist on their own post. This is also a fanart, something given to the fandom freely and I am of the opinion that if it cannot be celebrated then it should just be left alone. But what got to me was that how it felt like through the response there was this tone of trying to turn the tables on the fan of colour who commented. Like the sarcastic commentary on how there is an insistence on Valyrians being whitest white...like dude...hello?? Pretty sure this is on grrm and do you really think this person who is actively frustrated at the racist caricature would mind genuine attempt at being inclusive?! Like I have seen you around, I have enjoyed your posts, I think I even saw you under posts which criticized these particular trends while drawing certain Stark siblings, are you really going to pretend you don't know where the comments came from???

There is also the pointing towards how fandom casts all of dorne as poc and I think we have already established that this fandom is shit. Like I won't lie I enjoy my guilty pleasure of looking at Bollywood gifs representing Dorne, and I think there is this headcanony idea that Dorne is based on North Indian hindu hindi speaking culture. But in same post representing a particular house through this Hindu Hindi speaking culture you have the gifmaker using gifs of the Islamic hajj!!! Like ajaldleryjdlsldldlfg the headcanon then is the idea of amalgating brown bodies and meshing them in homogeneity because that's what we are all over the world right? 😂😂😂

Like I understand the frustration and you really got nothing to explain but it's trying to turn the tables for me (including calling a poc racist when they themselves were trying to address a racist issue)

EDIT IMPORTANT:

I am making this post non reblogable because the assumption on the basis of which I made this post was wrong. The person I have been referencing is a artist of colour themselves- so the core idea of the post isn't applicable. However I still don't know or can't wrap my head around how someone got dog piled on for a comment, and got called a racist ( a poc themself), when they have been one of the primary voices who pointed out many of the racist issues in the fandom.

[genloss-confessions]

why do you post confessions that are just people arguing back and forth and basically breaking your own rules (starting discourse and beefing with specific users) and then when i sent in something generally asking hetch fans how the interpret the character it never got posted?

You bring up a fair point that I think I have somewhat answered in previous mod responses, but isn't exactly spelled out in the rules which I'll be sure to update after I post this.

But when I wrote "No starting discourse or harassing people over confessions", I specifically meant if things got more serious beyond people just arguing about things relating to Genloss.

If people are feeling genuinely attacked beyond heated discussion about Genloss and/or start getting directly attacked on their personal blogs, then I'll pull the plug, but from what I've personally seen it's never reached that point. If it has I have not been made aware or able to pick up on it personally from wording in asks that are 99% anonymous.

And similarly that's why I don't consider any of this to be "beefing with specific users", the only one here who's off anon is Cole, who has at no point indicated to me that this has become too much to the point he doesn't want asks on it to be answered anymore, if his feelings on that change or I'm wrong then I will halt this discussion immediately at his, or someone else's if they inform me it's getting beyond fandom disagreement for them, request.

As for your specific confession about Hetch not getting posted, I'm afraid either Tumblr was Tumblr and I never got the ask, or something was phrased strangely and I didn't feel comfortable posting it. Sadly if it's the second one, I have no way to check what might have made me not want to post it as I delete asks I have no intention of posting. You could try sending it again and either I'll get it and post it, or I'll be able to clearly explain why I likely didn't feel comfortable posting it in the first place.

[britts-galaxy-brain]

Oh no, anon is right. Ginger was hella about to be banned from my server at some point. I was far more lenient than I should have been and genuinely tried to resolve shit peacefully and then the stuff with "Turning Red" and "Encanto" happened in my server and they left.

Nathan made a bunch of jokes about how "Turning Red" should have focused or talked about 9/11, while we were trying to explain why that wouldn't happen. Mind you, both Ginger and Nathan knew this was a criticism started by MME and people started meming on him because of it, but regardless.

However, direct quote from Ginger: "Kinda a shame because Turning Red does have some problems with its pace, cohesion, and shallow characterization (as well as some very real stereotyping) that is even harder to talk about now that opinions like his muddied the waters"

When I pointed out/asked: "Wasn't the story written by a Canadian-Chinese woman though?" Ginger said that just because a film stars or is written by POC doesn't mean it's above criticism. And this is where I started to get admittedly annoyed. That may be true, but I also wanted to hear other Chinese-Canadians echo the same sentiment that Ginger held about the movie.

We had a bit of back and forth until I finally asked her: "Can you point me in the direction of someone who is chinese and someone who is Columbian who have made these criticisms? Like, I can see what you are saying but I would also appreciate hearing about criticisms from someone who isn't white. /gen" (mind you the tone indicator was very much included)

And Ginger shot herself in the foot when she said "I haven't read any for this film because they haven't been held up. Why do I have to find these sources to have these problems?" and Nathan literally just said "What the Fuck?" in response to me.

Ginger then proceeded to go on about how POC have rich and varied lives so "Why is their first big story about their cultural issues then?"

Which is... the dumbest fucking thing I have ever heard in my goddamn life, I cannot even begin to describe why this is so stupid, okay wow-

After I, politely, explained that perhaps as people of these ethnic and racial backgrounds that perhaps they wanted to discuss these issues because of their own experiences and that I'd still like to read or listen to a Chinese person discuss Ginger's talking points, I said that I didn't want us speaking over Chinese folks. And Ginger doubled down, claiming that she had her own thoughts and quote "I'm not speaking over anyone. I have my own thoughts, feelings, and concerns about a movies themes and problems."

If that isn't the literal definition of speaking over someone, I do not know what is.

And then after that, Nathan up and yells "This server has a real problem with autonomous thinking and respecting the views of anyone that doesn't 100% agree with them. I'm out."

Which literally isn't at all what happened. Then Nathan left right before I tried to explain why I believed he was wrong, to which Ginger said and these were her last words in my server:

"Yes. You are. And frankly I'm tired of feeling like this in here. This server has been an uncomfortable place to be in and I don't want to be part of it anymore. You all have a good night. Turning Red has problems. Later."

I sat there genuinely stunned for a few moments. While Ginger and Nathan were never obviously racist, they got so fucking whiny when I asked them to cite me a source of a Chinese person criticising "Turning Red" and a Colombian person criticising "Encanto" that it just goes back to this weird white knight shit.

They wanna sit there and be all progressive but when the Native American person is asking two white people to cite their sources and inadvertedly telling them to stop being white saviours, they double down. Not a cute look.

And mind you, this was just my personal experience. Some of my friends and I genuinely believe that one of our friends received anon harassment from one of them. The reason why we believe that is because the way the anon typed was eeriely similar to the way Nathan typed certain phrases. The guy is just generally unpleasant to be around.

Also everything about how Ginger and Nathan were being weird about autistic traits within characters and only seeing validity in them when they couldn't see their own autistic traits within them and Nathan shitting on OCs while then whining when one of my friends told him a read of "Jekyll and Hyde" that he ascribed to was "shallow" is also 100% true.

Quite frankly, Ginger has her head up her own ass and I believe a lot of it is thanks to Lily.

Wait he's the one who started the Turning Red 9/11 discourse?!! 💀💀

[morning-jellyfish-in-a-teacup]

Life update.

Things are bad. Everything with my friend ... we keep going back & forth about everything. Met up on monday and it wasn't great. She kept bringing everything up so we tried talking it out. Thing is, that's kind of hard to do when she claims she doesn't remember a lof of the stuff bothering me. Like, she's saying she doesn't even remember her own words or that she didn't mean what she does remember. And I'm not going to fucking sit here and try to decipher what is or isn't genuine. We've officially reached the point of either trying to save our relationship or ending it and I honestly don't know what to do. I'm so fucking tired of this. I want to let it go and move past it but when I think about the things she said to me when I tried to do that at new years ... I really don't know if I can give it another try. I'm trying to think about myself at this point. I've done more than I could for her and I fought to fix things prior to new years. She has not returned those effort and I see no point in continuing to discuss something she doesn't remember or think she's done nothing wrong in. So ... idk what to do. When we parted on monday, she pretty much left it up to me to decide whether or not we stay friends. I want to keep the relationship we had but I don't know how we could return to it, or if it's even possible to anymore. I really don't know anymore ...

Because of all this, I've been eating a lot more these past 2 days. Not fully a binge, but it feels like a binge. I've been sure to walk at least 10k steps, but haven't been focusing on the cals burned (plan on returning to that this weekend). I've talked about it before, how when I'm stressed I binge and when I'm depressed I starve. As you can probably guess by the prior paragraph ... I've been very fucking stressed. Even more so because I finally hit my gw1 and my lw since I was probably ... 11? I weighed 125lbs when I was 12 so ... I'm just assuming you get it, to weigh 120lbs is such a huge deal for me. As stressed as I've been especually with the bingeing, I weighed myself this morning. 118.7lbs. I didn't gain so that's a huge relief.

Really not sure what I'm going to do with/about my friend, though. If anyone has any advice or guidance, I'd love to hear it. I'm really kind of freaking out and feel the need to respond to her about it soon.

[lordelmelloi2]

It's so surreal. Like it started with someone who was WELL KNOWN for being into incest on twitter moving to tumblr and then integrating seamlessly into fate tumblr circles without anybody saying anything or even noticing anything even though it was blatantly up-front via a link to their website in their bio. Then another person who was known for being into incest came back to tumblr. Now people are openly discussing wanting to fuck characters that are without-a-doubt underage, stated as underage, and meant to be read as nothing else but underage... all under this guise of like, queer-liberative-act type shit where it's Bold and Awesome to be Unabashedly into Incest and Pedophilia. Because you're queer or whatever. And like a year and a half ago it wasn't like this.

To be honest I feel pretty let down. For a while there I thought I could rely on people to try and be more aware of Why incest/pedophilia shit was wrong, how it normalizes the abuse IRL and actively makes it much more difficult for survivors to come forward about abuse and recover, but somehow it's like everyone mutually all gave up on trying to respect the feelings of survivors in this fandom. Like genuinely. And there's certain things I've given concessions on because I've been here 7 years and I'm pushing 30s and have mellowed out but this is just disappointing. Like you guys can't be serious. You really care so little?

I am acutely aware of how it looks being a Type Moon fan and being against Incest and Pedophilia. I'm also here to tell you as a Type Moon fan I don't think Nasu's intent with his writing is to push incest as a thing that's acceptable. As a Case Files fan I know the work actively condemns it and acknowledges it as an abuse, same with other things like pedophilia and teacher/student relationships and such. I don't think Type Moon is trying to say that incest is okay, otherwise the tragedy that happened to Artoria wouldn't be such a massive glaring focal point in the story, also coming forth in LB6. Like I don't know how many times they need to write a story where the incest is a bad thing for people to get what's being said there.

A lot of Type Moon's themes are just "People struggle with abuse". I enjoy Type Moon works because I enjoy those themes. I loved seeing Sakura lash out during Heaven's Feel and I loved seeing her get called out and I loved seeing her kill her abusers. I loved Rin treating Kirei coldly during FSN and trying to protect Shirou from the emotional abuse that Kirei could inflict in a short period of time, because she was innately familiar with it. I loved Illya's confusing controlling feelings towards Shirou later turning to warmth as she realized she wanted to be family with him. I appreciated how Waver in Case Files tells Reines not to make her incest jokes and how he stands upright against people condoning abuse or enabling abuse in any way. Typically TM works don't try to shy away from showing how people get messy about it. There are things characters do that are showing that they have been abused or groomed, many many times. That's another thing about TM I enjoy.

But I don't enjoy romanticizing or sexualizing that aspects of the character's abuse for my own pleasure. I don't think that's the point of the stories, or the point of what the authors are trying to convey. That's just my personal feelings. But as an incest and pedophilia survivor I can't stand it when people act like the ramifications of said romanticism/sexualization of the messy parts of being abused/abuse in general don't exist. These things affect people. I don't feel safe in the fandom in general anymore because I am noticing this trend where people just don't care about incest as something that Happens to Real Life People and something that shouldn't be so carelessly romanticized. And it's fucking everywhere anymore! In any erotic spaces, there's tons of incest roleplay shit. You don't have to have a Master's in research psychology to know this constant romanticization has real life ramifications. Pedophilia notwithstanding, since most people can generally agree that wanting to fuck teenagers is weird, but somehow 16 is okay? 17 is okay for some of you guys?

It's weird. Genuinely, I think it's weird. I'm just like in disbelief anymore that things have gotten this bad in this short of a period of time. It's not that I'm going to leave tumblr or anything, by god I'll still post forever, I have plans to spend the next 10 years on here lmfao but I just needed to Point It Out. I don't know if there's anybody else who's been feeling this same way as me, but I hope to find others who can openly speak about the way it makes them feel, too. That's really all I want right now. I'm looking for other Type Moon fans who want to make space for incest and abuse survivors and be Open to critique whenever someone points out "hey that character is a minor" rather than just digging their heels in and going "well they're magic/fantasy!" about it.

[flatstarcarcosa]

crawling in via your window for numbers 4 and 5 with Slade 👀

4) No couple is going to agree 100% of the time. What is the main source of any disagreement between you? Is it the same topic for all parties, or do you have different sticking points? Has this ever caused a row?

OUGH okay so i've mentioned before 'reese and lester yelling is a love language' versus 'reese and slade yelling means something is very wrong' because slade's not naturally a yeller Like That.

so that being said, one of the nastiest fights we've ever gotten into was actually about joey. (an aside for context: i follow the rebirth story as a main timeline because it's just easier, but largely pick and choose/blend what things have happened prior to us meeting)

i have a whole post about it somewhere but basically it comes from months and months of me trying to discuss with him that like hey. you're aware your son is a massive junkie right?

like i love the kid but he's Not Doing Fucking Good and the shit that he's into with painkillers and benzos isn't gonna end well. body hopping does nothing against acute organ failure because you made a Death Cocktail by accident.

and slade doesn't want to hear it he doesn't want to discuss it, frankly he's refusing to even accept it. he figures "joe's an adult and i'm not going to tell him what he can and can't do, besides he wouldn't listen to me anyway" and i'm like hmmmm no i can promise you no matter the bullshit that's gone on he desperately would want you to fucking help him.

and i'm like, "are you forgetting or just ignoring that i also know what i'm fucking talking about when it comes to addicts like the "child of addict" to "addict" pipeline is very well traveled in my household"

and he just kinda fucking snaps. and it gets. nastier from there until there's enough back and forth that it's the one and only time in our relationship where he is genuinely so fucking mad he has the gut reflex to want to hit me.

he doesn't, and i can't stress that enough, and never has outside of our mutual playfighting or genuine training.

but it's just. it's enough that he took half a step to fucking do it that it shocks him cold.

because he's spent a lot of time and years and effort into telling himself he's NOT his father and wouldn't BE his father and now at the end of it all he's having. to accept the fact that like.

maybe he's a little bit of his own father.

5) Your FO has upset you (perhaps because of the above) and now wants to make amends. How do they do it? And has this changed over time as they’ve gotten to know you better?

barring the above singular big ass fight there's times where his method of showing he cares backfires. sometimes it really feels less like caring out of love and more like lecturing for the sake of lecturing and sometimes he's bad at parsing if i'm whining about it for The Bit or if i'm genuinely bothered until i'm Genuinely Fucking Upset about it.

also, the hilarious-in-hindsight plan he concocted to try to get me over my money trauma by just letting me go shop and pick out things on impulse but then i started hemming and hawing and second guessing and it just ended up with me sobbing in the middle of target.

it's funny in hindsight but at the time it happened because of too many things causing me to get overstimulated and my brain to shut down and me getting upset and loudly announcing that this wasn't fun anymore because "I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE RIGHT FUCKING ANSWER IS AND I WANT TO GO HOME"

which prompted him to realize he took it too far, and a very soft "oh, honey-"

[sakura-ame-no-ai]

"bring a jacket next time."

pairings: tetsurou kuroo x reader

genre: fluff

notes: in japan, their way of checking the time is much different than america. they use 24-hour clocks. so if it was 1 in the afternoon, it would be counted as 13:00 for them.

a/n: it felt like some special holiday for me today and i don't know why... but seriously, how is my last kenma fanfic getting so much love istg- anyways, enjoy this fanfiction! i couldn't think of a good title for this on... :sob:

you sneeze suddenly when a gust of wind blows against your legs. it is indeed cold outside, but the shriveled leaves scraping their way down the street makes it seem much colder.

"why does it have to be so cold on a beautiful night like this..," you mutter to yourself, wrapping yourself with your arms.

too bad you didn't contemplate on bringing a jacket with you before bursting through the door with kuroo calling behind you.

well, now you feel a little guilty remembering that you lied to kuroo that you were going to buy some snacks at a nearby konbini. in reality, you just want to spend most of the night searching for some shooting stars.

you make a brief trip to the park, to which you find everything abandoned. that one big red slide that you always see children fighting to have their turn on is now empty and lonely. the swings seem motionless, too. however, they still rock back and forth every now and then when a chilly breeze rushes by. the seesaw is tilted down at an angle, making one side touch the ground full of woodchips.

you search for that favorite brown bench that has legs made out of an elegant black metal of some sort. soon, you discover it sitting under a big maple tree silently. it faces a metal fence that is as high as your waist, which a beautiful view of a huge lake stretches out on the other side of that fence. you don't hesitate to plop down and make yourself comfy on the bench, admiring the wavy reflection of the glittering stars and moon on the water's surface.

you could stare at such a view all day...

well, you would if you had brought a jacket though.

the cold night air wraps around you, trying to embrace you in a friendly way, but all it does is make you shiver and lift your feet onto the bench. you hug your knees and bury your mouth and nose inside your arms and knees, cursing to yourself about why you were stupid enough to not bring some warm clothing before setting out.

"just like i thought," a voice that sounds very familiar booms out from behind you, making you flinch.

you turn your head around to see a bedhair walk up to you with a cheeky grin.

"tetsu?!" you squeal, a little shocked that he actually know exactly where you were. "how did you know i'm here?"

kuroo is bundled up in a scarf and his nekoma jacket. he also has a thick piece of folded cloth draped over his right arm, making you assume that it's probably a blanket.

"i've never seen you that eager to do some shopping at the konbini, kitten," he replies, taking a seat next to you.

"you've always been a fan of sceneries outside, so that gave me an idea."

you give him a look of amazement, awed by the fact that he knows you very well like you're his child or something. however, it isn't long before kuroo bonks you on the head.

"you little rascal~ why didn't you bring a coat? it's like below 25 degrees celsius, and here you are, hanging out at the park, short-sleeved, and without a jacket or coat."

you whimper at his remarks.

"well, you know i was excited, tetsu..," you pout, puffing your cheeks out.

he chuckles, "nobody was blaming you, ok?"

kuroo takes a moment to peel off his nekoma jacket and place it over your shoulders. you gratefully hug it over your shoulders. other than the fact that it smells strongly of that lavender body soap you gave him, the jacket felt warm from kuroo's body heat, making you feel safe.

an unintentional smile slips onto your lips and you readjust your gaze to the sky.

"say... do you think there will be any shooting stars tonight?"

kuroo lifts a brow before fixing his gaze at the sky as well.

"oya? hunting for shooting stars?"

you nod eagerly, continuing to look up attentively.

"mhm! you told me that it's shooting star season!"

the branches of the maple tree above you sway gently, swishing its leaves together to create gentle rustling sounds.

kuroo smiles and points towards one of the stars.

"do you know how stars are formed, n/n?" he asks you, his finger directing your gaze towards the appointed star.

you squint to make a more intricate observation of the star while racking your brain, trying to remember your astrology lessons at school.

"well... don't stars form from accumulated gas and dust in space?" you finally conclude, remembering one fact your teacher has emphasized back then.

kuroo nods happily.

"yep. stars form when the gravity of the dust and air collapse together, which makes them heat up out of pressure."

he continues to ramble on about how stars mostly contain hydrogen and helium, the lightest elements to exist in the universe, and how stars are, in reality, exploding balls of gas.

you listen patiently as he explains. you are always interested in his nerdy science talk, as well as the way he is invested in his own world when a discussion related to a scientific topic arises.

it takes him a little bit to finish his explanation with a sneeze.

of course, he's not wearing his jacket. that's why.

you take off the jacket you were wearing and hand it to him.

"you're gonna catch a cold, so take your jacket back."

however, he pushes it back into your chest.

"no, kitten. you have it. i'm worried about you more."

you begin to pout, angry that he's always caring for your health instead of his own.

"no, kuroo," you say with an upset look. "this is not my jacket."

you two begin fighting about who should wear kuroo's jacket, exaggerating the possibilities of not wearing one and lecturing one another.

"that's it," kuroo sighs, looking troubled.

at first, you are confused by his words.

"what do you m-"

it was at this moment that kuroo covers the blanket that you forgot he had brought onto his back and then trapping you inside his arms, wrapping your body inside the blanket.

"there, now we're both warm," he smirks.

you take a while to understand the situation you're currently in before blushing madly. you look up at him, only to see that usual proud smirk on his face. he obviously did this on purpose.

"tetsu?! what the actual hell?!" you scream.

"oya? anything wrong?" he asks a little too 'innocently', pissing you off.

you growl back, "of course, you dumbass! people might see us and take this to like a million different wrong directions!"

"kitten, it's almost half-past 23:00. it's really unlikely that we'll be seen since most people are asleep."

you can't counter back, because that sly cat is right. most people are asleep at this time, so it's highly unlikely that you'd get caught like this with kuroo.

you have no idea how to react, so you decide to lean your back against kuroo, resting your head on his chest. at least, you realize that you feel much warmer than wearing his jacket. in the end, you start to relax, paying closer attention to the steady rise and fall of his chest while he breathes.

"do you ever see stars as memories when you look at them?" you ask kuroo, tilting your head upwards to meet his gaze.

"sometimes," he smiles, looks at one of the stars.

"like that one near that giant cloud reminds me of when i stole your meat from your lunchbox."

you cough.

"do you think this is a great time to bring this up??"

he only smirks at you. "you asked if i get reminded of anything when i look at a star."

you pout a little and fix your eyes to another star and point your finger towards it.

"well, this one reminds me of when yaku beat your ass for stealing meat from my lunchbox."

you two begin talking back and forth, saying which star represented which memory, laughing about the old days, and fighting about various things, like who should've gotten to eat that scrumptious piece of steak.

as you come back to argue about the lunchbox situation again, a white streak catches your eyes, snapping your attention back to the sky.

"look, tetsu! shooting stars!" you exclaim.

what kuroo turns his head to look at the sky with you.

sure enough, more streaks of white rain down like a slight drizzle.

"hurry up! make a wish!" you tell him before clasping your hands together before your face and close your eyes.

kuroo looks at you, then back at the sky. after a while, he closes his eyes and makes his wish.

i want to stay by y/n's side, even after i graduate.

however, he doesn't say it out loud. instead, he wraps his arms around your chest after you have finished making your wish.

for the first time in forever, kuroo gives you the most genuine smile that you've ever seen, which surprises you since you're so used to his cheeky smirks. it reminds you of honey and its sweet flavor.

"you know, kitty, we could do this next time," he coos in the sweetest voice you've ever heard him use.

"did you think i'd stop you?"

"ummmm..."

you look side-ways towards the tree beside you before give him your honest response.

"weeeeell, i thought you'd tell me it'd be too late into the night to do something like this and that i wouldn't be able to wake up if i stay up star-hunting."

kuroo chuckles, petting your head lightly with that big hand of his

"things like this are exceptions."

your eyes light up to his words. he has officially announced the permit to stay up searching for shooting stars that you adore a lot. it makes you very happy that you smile back warmly.

"thank you, tetsurou," you sigh, leaning into his chest comfortably.

"it's nothing, y/n."

he continues to stroke your hair in a soothing way as he maintains that genuine smile on his lips.

"just bring a jacket next time, or star-hunting will be off-limits."