#i genuinely still get anxious and like. i dont know i start having a genuine trauma reaction when i think about

[dyketubbo]

oh also this is mostly so it can go down on record but clarification with the note abt shipping in my intro post abt not minding shipping unless its done with jaiden: i still consider qprs to be shipping as i always have because theyre still intimate relationships that you dont just like.. have with just anybodu. but if you see (ic) roier and jaiden as qprs i dont mind since they have iirc called themselves partners just not married/romantic. so while qprs are still shipping to me nonetheless since its pretty close to what theyve described themselves as in canon queerplatonic roier and jaiden enjoyers are fine by me

[promiseimnotacop]

.

[save-the-villainous-cat]

ok hear me out,,,,,,, the hero is on a mission but they dont find the villain anywhere UNTIL they find them half-asleep with fever but their still willing to fight but heros like NU UH so they just care for them-

“The walls have ears,” the hero said. They dragged out the words, trying their best to gain the villain’s attention. However, the villain only let out a noise close to a whimper. “You have to be more careful around people who might not be your friends.”

“You’re so charming,” the villain croaked. They pushed themselves up but the hero was quicker.

“I know.” With their flat hand on the villain’s chest, they pressed them back down into the mattress while simultaneously sitting down.

The hero felt the villain’s bare chest glowing under their touch, hot and sweaty. Definitely a fever. In all of this, the hardest part had been getting into the hotel room.

After the hero had tried to get into the villain’s room countless of times, the villain had let them in, completely unaware of who the hero was.

Apparently, they had woken up from a nap. Groggy and confused, they had stared at the hero and only recognised them later.

Which was bad, really bad. The villain was able to identify them no matter how creative the hero’s disguises were.

The hero hadn’t planned on playing nurse for their nemesis this weekend and they weren’t in the mood to neglect their duties. But it was the villain.

“Quite a lot of people want you dead. Did you really think it was smart to plan an assassination with other villains? And you planned on murdering another villain with them?”

“Eh.” The villain turned around in bed, pulling the blanket up to their nose.

“You’re aware how messy these villain relationships are, aren’t you? Each of them can betray you at any given moment, each of them would give out your information for five bucks, did you really—”

“Okay, fine. Let’s just fight,” the villain sighed. They shuffled.

“I’m not done.” The hero pushed the villain into the bed again, clearly frustrated. “Now you’re sick, hiding in a hotel room instead of home. You’re weak and an easy target. What were you thinking? Starting a war with no one in your corner?”

“You’ve come to lecture me, is that it?” the villain asked. Their face was red, their body heating up. “Because I really don’t have the energy right now.”

“I was supposed to clear out one of those nasty hideouts. I found a bunch of messages and posts on a strange server mentioning you. About you getting beaten up and hunted. I went out to find you immediately,” the hero admitted. They scratched their neck. “Found you with some detective work and the tracker that I put on you a while ago.”

“You’re tracking me?” the villain asked. They didn’t seem surprised.

“You’re tracking me too,” the hero reminded them.

“Aww. You found it and didn’t remove it?”

“Neither did you.”

“Softie,” the villain whispered. Their smile, although sleepy, seemed to be of genuine nature. “Always a softie around me.”

“Keep those little fantasies to yourself, will you?” the hero asked. They liked not to think of this aspect of their relationship. It was distracting.

“Hm.” The villain closed their eyes again. “You went through all of this trouble to make sure I’m alright?”

“I…hey, I am warning you, alright? You have to be more careful with information and the people you share it with.” The hero pushed up the blanket even further. “Do you have any medication?”

“It doesn’t matter, I’m dying.”

“My god, you have a cold.” The hero stood up and went into the bathroom. Once they had found a towel, they let it soak in cold water and returned to the “dying” villain. “You’re so dramatic.”

They put the towel on the villain’s forehead. The villain winced, sensitive to the cold touch.

“But they haven't found you yet, have they?” the hero asked, softer this time. They didn’t know why but they didn’t feel as anxious as before. The villain shook their head

“I really messed up, didn’t I?” they asked eventually.

“You haven’t made the smartest decision.”

“Fuck, I’m so stupid,” they mumbled. “I really thought I could help you a little.”

“I don’t need help,” the hero answered. Although, they were quite surprised this was about them.

“You’re working yourself to death.”

“Not your problem,” the hero said. They shifted the towel a little. “Don’t do anything like this again, got it?”

“No promises.”

The hero didn’t know if they were worried or flattered.

[thesimpthatneverstopssimping]

Obey Me dateables with an artist MC who uses them as a reference

Warnings: None?

Genre: Fluff?

Reader: Gender neutral, artist

Requested: no

Character: Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, Satan, Asmodius, Beelzebub, Belphegor, Simeon, Barbatos, Diavolo

Lucifer

• The first time he noticed you staring at him he immediately stiffened and asked you what you were doing.

• After you explained what you were doing he told you "As long as you dont get in the way or mess with my work you can do what you want"

• When this becomes a common occurrence he barely notices when you are glancing/staring at him

• He is secretly happy that you would choose to use him as a reference for your art.

• If you were to ever give him a art piece then he will thank you. The way he thanks you may seem like he is kind of neutral towards your gift but he is actually really grateful for it and genuinely loves it.

• He would hang it either in his office or bedroom.

Mammon

• The first time he noticed he probably got sort of nervous and said something along the lines of "What are ya doing human?"

• When you tell him you are using him as a reference (either you drawing him or seeing proportions) he relaxes slightly and would probably say something like "Of course you would use the great Mammon as reference. Ya wont have to pay me this time but the next time this happens i will charge ya" he wont.

• As you continue to stare at him he will pretend to be relaxed and calm but he is so anxious because YOU are using HIM as a reference for your art. If you pay close enough attention it becomes pretty obvious he is freaking out

• After a few times of this happening he actually does start to relax when you start staring/drawing him

Leviathan

• Unlike Mammon who was trying to hide the fact he was freaking out, Levi full out panics. He is thinking of a million possibilities of why you would be staring at a 'yucky otaku like him' (his words not mine)

• You staring at him because you were using him as a reference was not one of the possibilities that crossed his mind

• He would question you why you would use him as a reference. When you say you thought he was a good reference and why not he would be skeptical and continue to question you.

•Once you convince him you genuinely want him as your reference he will stop questioning you but become a bit more anxious.

• I dont think he will ever fully get used to you staring at him when drawing but he will calm down enough to not fidget and to be able to play his games and watch his animes without glancing at you alevery five seconds

• He will ask you to draw his favorite characters. If you do he will treasure those drawings forever

Satan

• Much like Lucifer he will stiffen and ask why you are staring at him, but unlike Lucifer he will be fairly calm about it after you tell him what you are doing.

• He may ask you if you want him to do something.

• If you tell him no then he will go back to whatever he is doing (probably reading a book.... most likely it is a mystery novel)

• If you say yes he will do what you requested as long as it is within reason (like asking him to turn his head slightly)

• If you make any cat drawings/paintings (or whatever other art you do) he might ask for one

• If you give him one he will place it wherever there is space in his room

Asmodius

• He is not nervous or surprised in the slightest

• He will tease you for staring at him

• Once he finds out you are using him as a reference he will start posing for you even if you didn't ask him to.

• If you ask him to hold still and stop posing so much, he will pout and whine about it for a little but he will listen and hold still

• One way or another one of the paintings/drawings of him will be his and he will show it off

• He might have some critics if you "Didn't make him pretty enough" then again you would have to be the best artist in the world to make him look pretty enough

• Dont worry he still loves it

Beelzebub

(I dont know much about Beel so please excuse me if i get his personality wrong)

• He probably doesn't care if you are staring. He might get curious why after a while

• You would probably have to show him the drawing/painting because i dont see him asking unless he looks over your shoulder while you are drawing

• He is very supportive and loves your art

Belphegor

• He was a little irritated because you staring at him was making it hard for him to sleep

• He would ask why you were staring at him so intensely

• After you tell him he is like "okay" then trys to go back to sleep

• When it becomes a common occurrence he would wake up to you making an artwork and tiredly ask to see it.

• Sometimes it's a trap though and he pulls you onto the couch so you will take a nap with him

Barbatos

• He would calmly ask you why you were staring at him. He wouldn't be phased at all. He is asking as if he was asking you what the time is

• A simple explanation is enough for him

• Definitely wants to see the finished product almost every time

• Dont. Draw. Rats. I have warned you

• He will remind you to do your work instead of working on your art

• Will keep all of the art you give him.... EXCEPT FOR RATS! I TOLD YOU DONT GIVE HIM RAT STUFF! ARE YOU TRYING TO DIE?

• If you ask for help or critique he will give some really helpful advice and on point critique

Diavolo

• Any and every excuse to get out of work. He isn't concerned or anxious about you staring. He sees it as an opportunity to not do paperwork.

• Is VERY interested in your art. And not just because it gets him away from the work. He is also genuinely curious and wants to learn more

• I can see him just grabbing the piece you were working on and admiring it.

• You want him to pose? Sure! He would be more then happy to

• He is disappointed when Barbatos drags him away so he can finish his work

A/N: I hope you enjoyed and sorry for Beelzebub's being so short. For some reason i have a harder time writing about him. And sorry for no Solomon... at first i forgot he existed then i drew a blank when i tried to write him so....

[louissolovely]

Matt reacting to his tipsy gf FaceTiming him? <3

ੈ♡ FUCKED UP ⋆｡˚

summary- Matt getting a face time call from his not very sober gf request (yall love yall some Matt LMAOO SAME THO)

warnings- drinking, cursing, reader being out of it

Matt was sitting at the counter in his kitchen with Chris and Nick laying in the living room on the couch. They were scrolling through Matt’s phone laughing at saved videos he had in his favorites but in the middle of a video playing he got a FaceTime call. He knew you were out already but he didn’t know you’d be out so late.

He thought you were already at home.

He knows you never drank at parties or anywhere to be honest. He knew you were a very chill party person and how nervous stuff like that made you. And the fact you were still at that party at 11:56 concerned him a lot..

Once he answered all he saw was your smudged makeup and your face being not even an inch away from your phone. As soon as Chris saw he was on the flooooooor laughing. Matt giggled a little bit because how much it caught him off guard but then went back to be dead serious.

“y/n what are you doing bro” Chris had asked still cracking up “HIIII NICK OMG YOU WENT BACK TO BROWN???” this made Chris fall to the floor at this point he was crying. Matt completely ignored him “y/n where the fuck are you? I thought you went home?”

“Omg Matt your sooo cuuuuuuute stop. I’m at a party dummy I already told you” you couldn’t stop giggling and slurring your words. Your laughs sounded slower and you looked an absolute mess (he wasn’t gonna tell you that but anyways)

“Wait are you drinking? Who are u with? Dude keep the fucking phone still and talk so I can hear you.” He sounded so serious it started to annoy you a little bit because who does he think he’s talking to💀 “damn okay can I get a few seconds? Okay I’m in the bathroom now”. “Y/n where is everyone.” He started to get more anxious and inpatient with you

“Oh I came here with uhhh Natalie…ka-kayala.. I think..” your mind was starting to blank you almost started to see white. “Where the fuck are they then” “oh there right- damn where are they?” “no fucking way…” Matt already started to grab his keys and Chris had got up to follow him to his car.

Once Chris actually notice the very serious situation you were in he finally slowed down his laughing and started to look concerned. “Yo y/n stay in the bathroom till we get there okay” “oh okay” your voice got quieter but you were still slightly slurring.

You saw Matt and Chris get in the car but Matt still wasn’t speaking but he wasn’t going to hang up so something bad doesn’t happen to you. “Matt. Matt. Matt Pat. Matty B. MATTTTTT” “OMFG Y/N WHAT” you could hear Chris laughing in the back. You didn’t really have a question you just wanted to hear his voice.

“Oh uhhh.. I love you” no matter how mad Matt was with you in that moment all of the tension that was built up over the 25 minute phone call dropped because that was just the most precious thing ever. “I love you too y/n.. just don’t hang up”

“Damn y/n have you even been drunk before” Chris was genuinely curious because last time he remembered you had most literally sworn off of drinking ever. “No Chris she’s never even drunk before..” “daaaaamn y/n. You bout to be fucked up”.

MORE REQUEST OR JUST TALK TO ME I DONT BITE🐶

[the-s1lly-corner]

i have a cute request to make

the tadc gang with a shy and introvert child reader

basically reader is very shy and barely speaks, and when needs to talk they just whisper, kinda like fluttershy!

reader hates loud noises so they barely goes to an IHA with the gang, only if they are bored or someone asks them to go, reader just likes being alone for the silence

but, reader does some cute things for the cast, they make little presents, everytime that the gang is in the IHA, reader is busy in their room making little presents, like paper flowers and stuff and leaves at the gang's doorstep, with cute little messages, like: "ur so cool!" "ur doing so well!" before running back to their room.

Caine, Jax, Pomni x shy!sweet!child!reader who hates loud noises (platonic)

i hope you dont mind me running this through the wheel to select characters </3 i still dont take full cast posts/nm i think imma answer this then maybe write an extra post or two (idk we'll see after i write this one); then thats probably it for today, since i think imma work on more art again.. not really behind on my personal goals anymore, just have some ideas that i want to at least sketch so i have that done

CAINE:

would try to make the IHAs a little more quiet and calm but with caines energy and his thought process of "it needs to be stimulating so the circus members dont lose it to the monotony"... sometimes he slips. i was going to say he descends into the adventure waving around a red card making all the IHA-stuff freeze as a joke... but i can genuinely see him doing that. most of the time watches over the IHA now that you're here. you're like his lil kid!! tries to be a dad, falls into common dad stereotypes because thats all he really knows.. though he himself can be a little loud and all over the place... and perhaps even overbearing every now and then... WILL show off whatever notes and gifts you leave for him to everyone else. will make a wall in the common room to hang up your art so everyone can see it

POMNI:

i wouldnt say pomni is shy, but i do think overall she is an anxious person and in introvert... of which is more prominent due to being in the circus (you know, a place thats stressing her out) so it lets you two relate.. and it kind of makes pomni pull herself together for you.. so in a way youre kind of her reasoning to keep going no matter how many times she fails to find the exit; as grim as it sounds. keeps all your gifts and notes in her room on display because unlike SOME people shes not all the concerned with her image or how shes perceived (jax). will try to take you away from a place if theres some noise, usually this is either the common room where everyone else is hanging out at or during IHAs... probably lets you crash in one of your rooms until you feel better. i think she would probably get someone to get you something (like a toy or snack) while she keeps an eye on you

JAX:

i think he would subtly try to get you to stand up for yourself before being blunt that you need to start speaking up. he WAS going to say something about how hes not going to always be there to talk for you buuuuut in the digital circus theres some.. not good implications with that statement, at least a little more than the irl version. less of a parent figure and more of an older brother one.. does keep your notes, though hes not going to tell anyone and hes going to deny it if anyone ever brings it up. hes an asshole but hes not heartless. tries to limit his pranks that can make loud noises, will also play it off to others that he just doesnt feel like doing those pranks anymore. but everyone knows, you know?

[carpedzem]

hi

under the cut i want to talk a little bit, maybe overshare as well. ill try to keep it short (rereading nat here. i didnt). its a sad post, might make some of you angry but not for the reasons you think

i was staying away on purpose, but a few people asked about me so i wanted to let you know that hey, im lurking, im waiting to see what happens. maybe some things will change in the future but im putting it out here so its all in one place

i think i want to start with saying thank you again for sticking around, supporting my art and my thoughts and having discussions with me. i really opened up about myself and what I created here. im very anxious person and it influences my life on every level, so being heard, seeing people laughing at my jokes, loving my art has been so so important to me

about the situation, the gogcident if you will, i logged out as soon as i saw things going down and been getting updates though different source. and while situation is still on going and i dont know where it will go, as how it ends, theres two or three things im firm on that will always be true for me:

i really hate how believe all victims turns into believe everyone who speaks first, no matter what they say, no matter context, no matter proof. the first statement made in this case was untrue in a lot of important details and while i dont think caitis feeling are wrong or invalid i think her first statement made this situation into something it isnt. i think every victim should be heard but attacking everyone who was accused right away is not a solution

i do believe that everyone who was accused of anything has every right to defend themselves. the way its constantly taken away from dteam is not lost on me and its insane and upsetting

you can be traumatized by the events that werent in its core meant to be traumatizing. sometimes people act shitty and leave scars on you and sometimes you can do the same to other people

edited note bc i want this to be here as well: guilty until proven innocent is a crazy mindset and i cannot imagine situation that i would allow it. some idiots dont even realise how dangerous rhetoric that is. including accusers not being obligated to provide any proof of their claims

twt is the worst thing to deal with any discourse, misunderstanding or any delicate situation. i think no ones there cares for any victims period. i wish that place the worst

okay so what now. i havent decided yet. georges and dreams moves so far confirmed for me that no matter what happened it wasnt with malicious intentions. ill wait to see how this plays out and then ill decide about my next steps. one think i did for sure is i uninstalled twt from my phone (and that already bit my ass the moment dream started his space…) that part of fandom, both people who like (liked?) and hate dream is so damn self-destructive, toxic, manipulative and performative it wasnt worth it anymore. for here, i dont know yet. i dont hate dteam, i think this is very unfortunate and sad and complicated situation that left people very deeply hurt. and i wish it wasnt this way and im pretty sure dteam also wish that. but they cant change it and i cant change it even more

now this is something i dont really know how to tell you but let me try. i never mentioned this bc when i had those realizations, it was too late, everyone moved on and i felt stupid for dwelling on this. i feel stupid now, typing this. the thing is, drituation left me quite traumatized. fucking pathetic, i know. the sudden explosion of fandom left me really badly hurt. i lost a lot of people i genuinely believed to be friends with, and i miss them dearly. i felt, fuck it, still feel deeply betrayed by some of them. i dont want people guess who is who thats not the point, those people moved on long time ago. but that hurt has been really difficult to deal with, especially since realistically i know its quite stupid. crying over some people who were following me back for a few months? but i tried to let myself heal and grow love for this community again and i thought we will be okay. drituation felt like the end of the world but we got through it and I thought we are smarter. and well. im not trying to blame anyone or even a whole community, idk maybe i want to blame the universe for putting me here or society for working this way i dont know. but im hurting and i need to find a better way to deal with things going the wrong way. and it deeply upsets me but im afraid that i have to learn how to love you all less. and i honestly dont know yet what that means, how moving forward will look like. i dont have to make this decision now so i let myself stay away from social media for a while still and then go with presented situation the best i can. i dont try to make anyone responsible for my wellbeing i want to make this clear. im just trying to share my feelings and give you context for whatever happen in the nearest future. no matter what i need more healthy relationship not even with ccs but with community itself (and if you see me rebloging hazbin hotel fanarts. spare me...)

in this place i do want to state that no matter what i dont think dteam are bad people. im not closing myself at possibility of participating in the fandom, probably less though things i mentioned earlier. but if any of those things make you uncomfortable in any way, feel free to unfollow/softblock

im leaving my askbox open if anyone has anything to say, add, or idk, scream at me. not sure if i answer any tho. also if i delete this post in the next 10 minutes out of embarrassment then well, haha

on the final note i want once again thank you all for supporting me when i needed help for my cat. you all did something amazing, something i will never forget and i wish to hug everyone of you in person. thank you

see you around. one day. maybe tomorrow maybe in 10 days. idk

and if you are moving on in different direction, if we ever meet again, dont be a stranger

[crushedsweets]

hello!! how are you? hope youre doing good!!

excuse my language but i genuinely feel like shit rn,, so how would the creeps in your au take care of themselves when theyre sick (if they would at all)? who would tank every illness possible w a couple pills? who would get a cold and act like theyve contracted the plague? etc etc!!

thank you take care!!

-🦈

HIII im so late omg happy new year i hope ur good!!!!

i know that i replied to an ask like this before, BUT I CANT FIND IT AT ALL!!!!! so im gonna reply again and see if im consistent .

takes it seriously liu ben nina jeff jane jack sally ann lulu brian toby tim kate doesn't take it seriously

so liu takes it seriously because he's a super anxious person. like he'll have a cough and start googling symptoms. ben is a ghost BUT i hc he can get like.. 'computer virus' type illnesses that make him really glitchy, foggy, overheating, etc. and he's beyond fucking drama. ben, jeff, and nina are dramatic when theyre sick, they want people to bring them stuff, take care of them, etc.

jane and jack just take care of themselves normally, they dont stress but they take their medicine and move on. sally doesnt get sick after becoming a ghost, but beforehand it mostly depended on her parents reaction to her being sick. ann also doesnt stress too much, she'll take vitamin c packets and relax lulu doesnt do much at all. she just drinks water, eats some fruit, coughs, and copes with it. brian is similar... doesnt over extend himself, but doesnt fully rest.

toby and tim both push through it. toby will take some precautions, like sleep in only boxers so he doesnt overheat (cuz he cant tell) and he might drink cough syrup if hes coughing. but tim just takes some pain killers, goes to work, and pushes through it. will overextend himself.

kate is the worst. she refuses to acknowledge she's sick. shes basically always in pain, groggy, too cold or too hot, generally uncomfortable - she has no idea when she's sick, and she could be throwing her guts up and still go run a mile because she's convinced if she doesnt, she'll get weak and slendy will dispose of her .

[ravilson23]

New ep of Helluva Boss just came out and i actually want to talk about that one. I didnt even bother with the third one cause somehow I didnt have any strong feelings about it. Anyway, lets start.

First of course pacing. I was really suprised how fast we got into the main action, it starts literally a minute into the episode. We didnt even get a proper introduction of Andrealphus ( or however his name is written, i will just call him Andre) and its his first offical apperance. Its quite insane honestly. I really think it might have been better to do this in some other episode where plot would be focused on the divorce. It feels like they didnt know how to start this whole assasination businnes.

Also for me he seems... really boring? There isnt anything about him that we havent seen before. I dislike how Stella was portrayed too. She may have gotten a bit dumber than at the beginning, i mean she cares so much about killing Stolas that she isnt even thinking logically. Its a little weird when you consider how loveless their marriage was, it doesnt look like she has strong enough reason to hate him this much.

Another thing, her relationship with Andre seems as normal as it can be in hell. I hoped for some emotional manipulation or other toxic behaviour that may explain why Stella is such a bitch. But hell no, there was nothing super weird about them though it may be because there were shown for like 2-3 minutes in the whole ep. On one hand i am glad he is not ( at least yet) another villain, but still he felt important enough to get a proper introduction.

What also bothered me about pacing was the structure of plot A and B. Especially in the fight scene where they are paralleled. Its not a bad thing per se but it dissolves the tension. It also felt like there was no need for plot B except for keeping Blitz occupied and unable to rescue Stolas.

Now lets talk about characters. First Moxxie, as much as i am glad that he became a badass i cannot help but feel like it should have happened in 3rd ep. Him fighting his dad would be so much more powerful than dealing with three random guys on gus station and fighting Striker with Millie. This change would feel more natural. I am not saying he is weak, but his skills were mostly with guns, not physical violence. But in this ep he suddenly is very capable of that, he is also less anxious and more reliable (which is a good thing, thats the development from ep 6). Despite all that i was still suprised.

Both Blitz and Stolas feel pretty much in character, so i wont talk much about them. I just wanna say that i liked them. I am kinda sorry that i wont sing praises, even though there was some good stuff but there is still much to cover.

So lets talk about Striker. Oh boy, not gonna lie watching him sometimes felt like fever dream. I dont know if its so bad that its hilarious or just hilarious, i really cant say. First his sudden apperance in the middle of a restaurant with a whole crowd of witnesses, than his theme song. THEME SONG. I am crying, its just so ridiculous. Its a pretty cool joke but also so surreal. Like up until now it feels like writers tried to find a reason for adding songs. Be it jingles, intros or full stage performences the songs were always a part of an actual action. However here its more of a montage, and it can be barely counted as sth else thanks to a few lines in a dialogue. As i said, not sure if its genius or just bad. Then we have all the jokes about Strikers ego, its not out of character, but it also feels like he stopped being anything more. At first he was a genuine threat and someone who Blitz could have chose to be. Here he still tries to be, but cant because of all the jokes. The big dick statue went too far for me. Its also becoming too repetitive. However i really liked when he started choking Moxxie, he looked really wild with all the drolling. It made him look feral, which is cool. The harder joke also caught me of guard. Last thing about Striker, he is well animated. It may seem obvious but i feel like its really not, especially not in season two.

I dont have much to say about Millie, Loona and Stella. Really, my only thought is that Stella looks kinda weird in this ep. Her head feels to big, especially when Andre is next her. Fortunetly Loona and Millie look alright.

Short note about worldbuilding, it gets more and more messed up. What at first looked like nice little clues for creating a bigger picture now is more like random stuff mixed together so they can pretend to be whole. Hell looks more and more like a structured society with jails, hospitals, offices and so on and yet it makes it hard to ignore how absolutely insane this idea is. At first hell looked like a total lack of rules, then we got some info that IMP using Grimouir is illegal, then human disguises, lawsuits and even jail which overall makes an impression that there is some law. But what is this, how does it work? No idea whatsoever. Then we have hierarchy with imps being at the very bottom of it. Now it seems like they arent really so different if they can afford places like Asmodeus or restaurants Stella is willing to go to. Blitzo having a bussines was a big deal but nothing really came out of it. Also whats with their sizes?? They can be as big as Loona or small enough to fit in a bag. It gets more and more confusing. I wont even talk about Moxxies dad, an imp being a literal mob boss ( mafia exists in hell???). Its all a right mess.

Another thing thats is a mess is a quality of sound design and sometimes animation. I felt so disconected from fight scene in this episode because music didnt fit at all. The tension that should have been there went and never came back. Though the animation was gorgeous. However its not so pretty in many other moments where anatomy of characters becomes a mere suggestion. Sometimes the problem is in proportions, sometimes in perspective but also how some scenes are connected and how the mood isnt appropriate for the overall action.

But since we are getting to the end of this post, let me tell about some good things. And by that i mean the end scene. Its really good, it made me feel what i have felt while watching first season. It was emotional but in a quiet, honest way. We got some small gesture that was meaningfull in a context. We also got some explanation about what happened after Ozzie (a little too late, but better than never) and in such a way that i can appreciate. I like small clues, that u have to focus on to fully understand whats happening. Its one of the things that got me into Helluva, it was fascinating to use small things to create bigger pictures. I loved that, and i wish there was more of that in this season.

To finish, i think the biggest problem of this season is that it doesnt know how to build up on what was shown before. It got lost with all the characters, dramas and possible plots and in the end lost the core idea that was at the beggining - IMP bussines. Now it rushes into different plot points and mucks up most of them because of that. It also doesnt give us anything new? First ep was a sensation with mixed response, but despite other ones having important moments it never got up anywhere near the excitment that started with 5 ep of season 1. I really miss that feeling but i am losing hope that Helluva will return to its former quality and charm.

If u read all of this, thank u very much. :3

[polyamorouscultureis]

Hey, I was wondering if you could maybe help me with this, because I am incredibly now at polyamory, I have no onw around me that I could talk to and I don't know how to act.

Okay so basically, i have been with my partner for almost 3 years now. We were completly monogamous until a few months ago, when they went to study abroad. We have a huge time difference (9h) and we have never been apart for more than 1 month, so long distance has been hard on us. Not even 2 weeks of being aborad they met someone and started to develop a crush.

I had no worries and said it would be okay for me if they would try something out, but I also said that i don't know if I would be comfortable with them developing feelings for each other. Fast forward a few weeks, they actually developed feelings for each other and I stopped feeling comfortable with them kissing or having sex. My partner and I talked about it and we came to the conclusion that we want to try to actually open our relationship.

See the problem isn't with my partner or the guy they found, because both of them are 100% okay with everything. I am the only one who feels terrible about my partner having romantic feelings for someone other than me. But I really want to try for my partner. (I dont know if a non-monogamous relationship is for me, right now it doesn't feel like I can do this, but like I said I really want to try for them).

I feel jealous and anxious and sometimes angry. I don't want to feel this way. We talked about things that could help me get over these feelings, including my partner spending more time with me and me actually getting to know the other person.

(I also thought that it could maybe help if I also had someone else, but I don't know if I actually want that. Also it hurts when my partner says that they don't care if I have someone else.)

Moreover we made the "rule" that we should take it slow and that I am currently not comfortable with them sharing bodily affection, like kissing or having sex. We're hoping that as time passes my bad feelings would go away and they can slowly start doing these things again.

Now coming to my question: Do you have any advice on how to handle this situation? How can I figure out where my bad feelings are coming from? What else can we do to reduce my bad feelings? I would appreciate your help soo much. Thank you!

To me, it sounds like you love your partner very much, but the two of you aren't romantically compatible.

It absolutely sucks when this happens, for everyone involved. But do not compromise your own comfort just to appease your partner. Don't hide your feelings of jealousy and blame yourself for not "trying hard enough" to be poly "for them" if it's genuinely something you're not comfortable with.

It's okay if this is a dealbreaker for you. If you would be happier with just one person, and they would be happier with more than one, it's okay to end the relationship and wish each other the best. You can still love each other, still root for the other's happiness in life, and date separately. You both deserve to have the types of connections that you want. If this isn't what you want, the best you will be able to do is learn to tolerate it. Being actually happy with it may not ever happen.

It's so, so hard. And I'm sorry you're going through this. But I hope both of you can take a look at your relationship together and determine whether it's something you still want or not. It's okay if it isn't. But don't force yourself to change for them. <3

[wc-confessions]

mods dont have to post this, i am just very angry right now. id understand if this is controversial. i just want someone to hear this.

i just got off of wcue. i was a spectating. there was someone in the clan named w//ndigowisp. i am not good at confrontation, but being a native who sees ca like this every day of my life (literally.) i had an urge to actually say something. this has been something that has bothered me for a very, very long time. it is extremely personal to me.

my friend and i approached them as kindly as possible to inform them about the issue with their name. i was gentle with my wording- i know not everyone knows about the weight behind it. i know some people do not do well with being confronted.

and instantly we were told that they "knew what they were doing," and that we were making them uncomfortable. my friend pointed out that i, a native, have to be uncomfortable with this almost all the time. we were told that it did not matter because it was fictional, even though cultural appropriation extends beyond warrior cats.

after they were told that i am a native, they started going on about how rude and mean i was being. it was at this point they were prioritizing their own comfort over respect for native culture.

the person with the name asked their friends if they could serverhop because they were getting anxious. one of their friends told me to die (through the euphemism "go to starclan") right before they left.

my friend left, but i did not. someone had politely asked for a little more elaboration after overhearing our conversation.

after that, someone brought their gaggle of friends over. 3-4 of them. they were telling me that they were cherokee, and that it was chronically online to be uncomfortable with this. all i had asked for was for them to respect native culture. i was told that i am stupid and sad for caring about this. i was told to 'let people enjoy things.' it is not just the name i am upset with. as i said before, cultural appropriation extends beyond warrior cats. ca is the last step of colonization.

you could argue that there are bigger issues. i agree. but there is nothing wrong with being uncomfortable with cultural appropriation (i cannot believe i have to say that), and you should not go after other natives for it. i did everything i could to be kind, but i am still painted as awful and mean.

i wish i could say wcue is not always like this. in my own personal experience, anti-indigenous racism runs rampant there. i have blocked most racists i see. my blocklist is almost full- roblox has a limit of 100 users. only about 10-20 are from before i started blocking them.

again, mods don't have to post this, but i am still very hurt and very angry. sorry for the long post. if, by any chance, any of those people see this- i am sorry, but i'm not going to swallow my discomfort and hurt for the sake of white comfort.

as someone who was raised to believe in the spirit in question, it IS disrespectful to be using the name - i was told from a young age to never speak the name of it due to its nature and how it will bring misfortune to both myself and my people (and because of this, i go out of my way to avoid using its name, even if censored)

i dont think these people realize that not all native americans share the same beliefs, either. there are very specific groups who believe in this spirit, primarily those of us who are from canada, the great lakes, and the appalachians (i don't believe the cherokee nation is a part of this particularly grouping, but correct me if im wrong!). that name should not have been used or even encouraged to be used. it reeks of a lack of respect for many native american cultures and cultural appropriation

having a complaint about that spirit's name being used is not "chronically online" - there is a very real and genuine belief that usage of the name will bring evil to you, and this belief has been around since before chr*st*pher c*lumbus even came to the americas. it feels like most people think "chronically online" means "bipoc bringing up racism" nowadays because they feel entitled to speak over us (as always)

i'm very sorry you had to deal with those people, anon. i myself would've been extremely paranoid about the encounter, and you have every right to be upset over what happened. i hope you are well

-mod ashensky

[gxdmade]

Mmmmm thinkin about Transmasc NB Usopp.......

Under a readmore because we gonna ramble. and it will likely be incoherent but yknow.

so walk with me here.

pre time skip boyo being obsessed with being like his dad, a strong man, warrior of the sea, pretending he was strong and brave. and luckily (to him), he was naturally small chested, so it was easy to pass off as a boy for the most part. at the time, only Kayah and the older people in the village knew he was afab, but they didn't really mind when he started correcting people not long before his mother passed away.

her death further cemented the idea on his head that he had to be a big, strong, brave boy so that he could grow up and be as cool as his pirate dad.

and at some point, it turned into the whole brave warrior of the sea thing. east blue usopp really do be giving awkward baby transman energy at times. obsessed with being strong and cool and manly, struggling to fit in his skin.

it wasnt until after Water 7 that he really started to get introspective on himself, which lead to him getting incredibly insecure. thus leading to the, yknow, shenanigans that happened there. but after spending a lot of time with franky, a guy who Literally built himself, and getting some genuinely good words of wisdom, it helped him to think about things in a healthier way and come to his senses about how awful he's been on top of that.

being at his most unsure, he dons Sogeking, an attempt to be the type of man he admires. and while it sort of works for awhile, he still defaults back to his true self. and i don't mean gender wise, i mean the real type of person he is. supportive, anxious, crafty, a worry wart and a big ol baby. but above all that, he _is_ brave. brave enough to shoot down the flag. brave enough to use his talents to save robin. brave enough to scream for luffy, to give luffy the courage to get up at fight despite being entirely drained.

he also learns a bit of what his worth is to the crew. that it never mattered how physically strong he was, or how confident, or how cool he was. what mattered was him, plain and simple. and i feel since then he'd really been working on himself behind the scenes. and with the addition of franky and brook, it was becoming painfully obvious that his idea of a brave warrior of the sea was all wrong. or at the very least, a bit skewed and misdirected.

post time skip usopp finds himself much more confident, much more comfortable in his skin. acutely aware of his strengths and weaknesses, and an unbreaking trust in his crew and his place with them. sure, anxiety will have him wavering from time to time, but ultimately, he knows who he is, and where he belongs.

long nights of introspection for two years straight brought him a sense of peace with himself, mentally, physically, emotionally, etc. he had very long talks with himself, both current and younger. and it brought a million revelations and a mountain of relief.

how he got top surgery dont ask me idk. but damn does he feel like a million bucks.

he probably didnt feel the need to completely change his body, happy with a masc leaning in between physically.

[dotster001]

Hi grats on 1k!!!<3 id like to participate in the event too if you don’t mind i choose twisted wonderland

My OG: Riddle has always been the favorite child lol i first learned of what twisted wonderland was through my first matchup result here on tumblr before i knew what twisted wonderland was. The headcanon was so cute and i fell in love with him and his design when i started researching and it led me to falling in love with the game itself too. Obviously I chose his hand first when the game finally came to global and he was on my first home-screen and is still there to this day although there have been times i considered switching with malleus or azul i couldn’t bring myself too lol. He reminds me of a little red angry cat who just needs love 🥺.

About me: huh what do i say lol. well I’m a cis female, pronouns she/her, my mbti is infj, my enneagram type is 2w1, my zodiac is a Capricorn, im african American 5’2 with black wavy/curly hair blackish brown eyes chubby cheeks and hour glass figure.

I would describe me as kind smart funny motherly responsible empathetic anxious emotional moody perfectionist helpful people pleaser caring compassionate nerdy curious protective polite respectful indecisive fearful nervous introvert shy awkward and clumsy. My weaknesses would be low self esteem and lack of confidence.

I like animals books reading writing fantasy magic sci fi anime cartoons music video games friends alone time learning personality quizzes sweets bread and helping people.

I dislike spiders loud sounds people who harm others people i care about not caring for themselves people who don’t consider others not being listened to weird holes and patterns math and tests.

Random facts about me would be that i pace a lot i talk to myself i sing when im alone and im a picky eater i have a pet cat and two sisters.

What kind of tale do i want: i dont know get creative i suppose maybe something fluffy and romantic i dont mind a little angst tho if you want as long as there is a happy ending. Just go nuts and surprise me if you can.

Thank you

(Hi I hope you like this! I was inspired by the fact that you got a match up before even knowing the game 😂 the story practically wrote itself.)

A Tale Where Riddle is Set up on a Blind Date, and it works out Better than Expected

"Trust me, Riddle, she's lit! You're gonna love her!"

"Sure Cater, but I don't have time for your nonsense."

Three weeks now. Three weeks of Cater trying to set him up on a blind date with some girl. He tried to be polite. But Cater wasn't taking the hint. And now Riddle was pretty sure he was about to lose it.

"Look, one date with her. One date and I promise, you'll be head over heels for her!"

Riddle was about to snap, when Trey heaved a heavy sigh. 

"Look, Riddle, you know normally I would never enable Cater. But in this case, I think he's right. I think you will genuinely enjoy a date with this girl."

If Trey was saying it, then there must be some truth to the matter.

"Okay, then you tell me, Trey. Who is she?"

Trey winced, "I can't say, you just have to trust me."

"Why can't you say?" Riddle asked with a pout.

"Because blind dates are more fun!"

"Because she didn't even agree until yesterday."

Two very different answers overlapped. Riddle folded his arms across his chest and frowned.

"Riddle, just trust me. If it goes badly you can collar  Cater forever, and I won't say a word," Trey said with a smirk.

"Hey!" Cater cried, but Riddle was slowly nodding in agreement.

"Alright then. You said you got her to agree. When is this date?" 

Cater winced, and muttered below his breath, "Tonight."

"Tonight!" Riddle shouted. "What if I had said no? How am I supposed to be ready in such a short time?"

"It's okay! I have an outfit picked out for you that I've been waiting to have you try!" Cater said, pushing Riddle in the direction of his room.

Needless to say, Riddle was less than excited to try out the new outfit.

                                            ….

Riddle was dressed casually for the first time in his entire life. Black jeans,  white Tshirt, red unbuttoned flannel on top of the Tshirt. He had to admit, it was comfortable, but he still felt a little out of place…

He'd been informed that his date would know what he was wearing, and would have a red rose in her hair. So he waited patiently at his table, until he felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Riddle?" 

The rose in your hair was lovely. You looked good in red. 

Those were his first two thoughts before he realized you were his blind date.

"Prefect? You're…."

"Yeah," you laughed, "I guess so."

You took a seat across from him, and Riddle took a sip of water to hopefully hide his flushed cheeks.

"Can I tell you the truth?" You said sheepishly. "I only agreed to this because Cater accidentally hinted that the blind date was you."

Riddle's face went even redder and he tried to sputter out a good response, but it came out as….

"Beautiful! So pretty!"

You furrowed your brow. "I mean, yeah, you do look pretty in the casual clothes I guess."

"Sevens," he muttered, taking another sip of water and trying not to choke. "You look beautiful."

You stared for a moment. Then you giggled. "Heh, thanks."

There was a heavy silence for a moment, and Riddle decided that if you were honest, he should be too.

"I kept turning Cater down because I didn't think he'd be setting me up with you."

The back of your neck prickled and your gaze dropped to the floor.

"We seem to be in agreement then."

"Yes," he took your hand, and softly rubbed his thumb along your knuckles. 

He grinned maliciously. 

" Even if we weren't, rule 137 states that if you get set up on a blind date with the queen, you are required to date until the next blind date occurs."

"You made that up!"

"I would never!" He pressed a hand to his chest in mock indignation. "I take my position very seriously."

"Well, rule 76 in my rulebook says that if the queen makes up a rule,  then she has to date me until I say otherwise."

You loved his genuine smiles. So when his face radiated like the sun, your heart skipped a beat.

"I guess we're stuck together."

"I guess so."

"Well, I'll make the most of it then," he confidently kissed the back of your hand, like a prince greeting his princess.

                                   ….

From the back of the restaurant Cater looks on in mild disappointment.

"I guess they don't need us to serenade them then."

Trey set the microphone down with a relieved laugh.

"Told you so."

[mono--chromatik]

Heyy!!! your ocs are so cool. I'm sorry if this is a rly dumb or annoying question [or if it has been asked before!], but can you summarize your ocs' lore?? As in, the general conflict/background/plot/story whatever?? Im so interested in it, but I genuinely have only a small clue of what's going on!! Thank you!!

nono you're totally fine! i like talking abt my ocs anyway (i tend to get asks regarding some, but if i havent answered them its because im still fleshing them out

I've been spending a lot more time with worldbuilding as of recent as opposed to characters in specific so in terms of written-down stuff i dont have much, which is what my toyhouse is for! it's only greyscale, saturate and my sona (whos unrelated) on there atm but i dooo plan on publicizing character pages in bulks when i have them ready. that said, i'll be using this ask as a dumping ground for the current information swimming in my brain soup tyvm

Also the actual story itself isn't fully written so i cant offer much on that end, so srry. I'll answer what i'm able to

Lost Connection is set in a world where government bodies have created a dome situated far out in the ocean with the purpose of creating a re-enactment of human society using machine bodies and AI. They first started as basic but large machines with barebones programming, enough to get them moving. They were supplied with material and tech used to create more machines that gradually got better as the years went on.

Fast forward to today, with slight assistance from human moderation without their knowledge they had created a similar society to humans that caters to the robots (mechanic facilities, clinics specifically for accessorizing because god knows the trouble a machine would go through having to get an ear piercing without damaging wiring, that sort of thing).

The surface of the dome is split up into separate parts in the same sort of sense the world is split up into countries, since the robots don't know anything outside the dome and as such perceive it as just, the world. There is also the underground of the dome which was initially intended as a prison system but overtime became more of a dog-eat-dog world packed with criminals. Machines beneath the ground are much more physically imposing and are prone to violent behavior.

LC has 3 main characters. Greyscale, Saturate and Inforn.

Greyscale is a 11'8ft disproportionate white cat who has earned notoriety through media coverage, some being truthful while others being made up and muddying the waters. Despite the stigma however they would never go out to actively hunt down someone without a good enough reason as to not put herself at risk. It prioritizes self preservation and is often reserved.

Contrasting him is his daughter, Saturate. A 1'9ft Frankenstein of a robot who was illegally built out of parts found in a junkyard, including her CPU, which wasn't wiped of any previous data and effectively made her start off life with the programming of a 10 year old kid and miss out on almost an entire childhood, only being updated a few times before being left at 13. Due to the unorthodox way she was built she has been mistaken for a rodent more than she has been identified as being a bear. She is constantly anxious to some degree and actively makes an effort to keep people far away by being hostile.

The two of them live in an old hotel where they mostly have to hide in. Unfortunately due to trespassers or journalists they find themselves threatened with being discovered quite a lot. To combat this, Greyscale is incredibly territorial and would go out of their way to make sure the person who set foot in the hotel wouldn't leave. Most of the time, the body of the trespasser is later on utilized as a source of components, skin and motor oil. Greyscale has no qualms harvesting these whether or not the person is dead or alive, and the parts tend to go towards repairing Saturate, the weaker of the two. As a result, she has experienced dying on a couple of occasions, only to be unethically brought back from the dead.

And opposing these two is Inforn. A 6'5ft black cat who works in a news network as a reporter and anchor. He is responsible for most of the misinformation on Greyscale, yet could never bring himself to go near her. By indirectly putting the two in a dangerous living situation they have developed an immense hatred for him overtime. Stakes would most likely raise if he somehow found where they were hiding.

wagghhge I THINK. i think i've spilt my brains enough. theres ofc some other guys too but if i went on about more ppl this ask would quickly turn into a book chapter, so i'll leave it with the main information

AND for future reference i'll tag this post in particular incase the question is repeated

[jellycreamjammedart]

Do NOT get invested in a Discord server where every breath you take has you walking on eggshells (at best) despite trying to be careful and compliant as much as you can, to the point you not only feel discouraged and unmotivated to share anything in there because it made your brain replace the giddy first thought of "I hope they find joy in it like I did!" with the ghoulish first thought of "I wonder what problematic thing they could still find in it after I already sanitized it as much as I possibly can," but also give you crushing anxiety over whether or not you should share a thing in there to the point it takes you all day to actually make your choice: you choose not to, or you do it and still regret it despite your utmost care-- doing it and succeeding are extremely rare lucky shots at best.

And you must know you're having it bad when whenever you get a ping/@ from there your brain thinks first thing instead of "Oh my! Someone thought of me when saying/showing something or wants to show me something or just talk to me!" it's a thought like "Oh boy! I wonder what I could possibly be getting grilled for this time no matter how careful I tried to be."

Dont do this to yourself hon. You dont need that anxiety and creativity-hindering environment where youre basically doomed and set up into getting in trouble from the start bc of the way things are handled. Yes even if people there are (apparently) nice-- just ask to add those you wanna keep in contact with and then hit da bricks, man. There are many other *actually* friendly servers out there even if theyre smaller-- bigger doesnt necessarily mean great, after all; ive certainly felt much happier and more positive in my smaller servers and now aim to stick with them <3

Tldr; dont stick or get invested in Discord servers (or any other online spaces really) that makes you anxious and paranoid of your every typed word or image/content shared or your every online move there to the point of unmotivation and discouragement- that place's not healthy for you; leave it hit da bricks, there are better places just waiting for you to come across that will *genuinely* take you in with open arms

[mpregfrance]

Alright to start this ask off I'm just gonna say my interactions w/ you have genuenly been one of the funniest ive had in a long ass time. I've read ur recent post and I empathyse a lot. You seem incredibly funny and genuine. Idk your situation and your background and even your age, but I think you can and are pulling through. Things will get better even if you dont actively want them to. Im not saying this in a vague hope to make the situation you are in better. Im telling you, as a person who from the age of 14 went from therapist to therapist, somehow been on meds that dont fuckin exist yet in croatia, someone who feels trapped in the very /country/ she lives in with no means of escape, someone who is "waiting" for things to finally financially/academicaly/politicaly be better so that I can make something of my life. As it did for me, you will feel joy again in what you do, in what you have, and in what you can achieve. I think it's ok to be down, its ok to feel like "if a bus hit me tomorrow i wouldnt protest" but the thing about people is we adapt rather quickly. So putting yourself out there, going to places you are scared to and believe yourself to be an outcast from is exactly what gets you to meet people and see things that youll remember forever. And after a while the outcast will stop coming to these places, the person there will be someone who belongs. Apathy is a way of saying "fine whatever i dont even care anymore" but youll see how much you care.

I started getting ok after a full decade of *trying* and what I've always found is that for me the saying "don't take anything seriously" is no.1 rule. I get worked up, anxious and overwhelmed with so much so many times.

You may have problems with people at work with friends and whomever, but the main thing you gotta remember is *you cant change anyone but yourself*

And its not a change of personality, hair color, interests, its how much something will get to you, how willing are you to give something up thats not working out and how you will percieve something.

I have no doubt that you know all of this crap but i guess i wanted to say all of that just bc there is no greater pain for me than when i see someone feel like i did regardless of the reason or situation.

Keep on truckin and doing what u love even if its mpregfrance posting. I will always be here to send you to liking-france-jail, mwah <3

hello my sweaty angle <3 i'm sorry i'm just replying to this now. i had to sleep on it because your thoughtfulness deserves a sincere reply.

first of all - thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being so kind, sweet and insightful and offering your support.

the fact that you would take the precious time out of your day to write this out for me is, in a word, unbelievable. i really appreciate you checking in, it's an incredibly caring thing to do. to be honest i'm a little overwhelmed by the magnitude of this unexpected message and i wish i knew how better to express my appreciation.

i really do love to hear that i made you laugh. i live to shitpost. i've always prided myself on my sense of humor and sometimes i feel as if it's slipping away, so it's reliving to hear i've still got it.

unfortunately i still haven't had the strength to eat. i'm heading to work in a bit. things are pretty rough right now, but when have they not been? obviously my present circumstances aren't the root cause of all my problems. in fact my life has improved since moving here.

extensive bianca lore and vulnerability under the cut, apologies in advance.

basically, in so few words, my current situation is that i'm nearly 25 and have nothing to show for it. i've lived in different cities across the US, had great jobs, apartments, friends, roommates, relationships, etc. i have done a lot of living in a short amount of time. but then, in retrospect, it feels like it stopped.

about 3 years ago i was in a very bad place mentally due to the isolation of the pandemic, and i met my husband online. in early 2022 i gave up everything, saved over $10k for the visa and moving costs, and relocated from the US to australia to live with him. our relationship itself has improved from how it used to be, but since the beginning we've had seemingly endless bad luck and financial setbacks.

last year, not long after our (very disappointing) wedding, i suffered a devastating miscarriage. ruptured ectopic, massive internal bleeding, required emergency surgery etc. not only was that traumatic emotionally, but i wasn't eligible for healthcare at the time bc of my immigration status, so we're still paying off the medical bill.

we share a house with my mother in law who is a domineering, emotionally incestuous single mom and an emotionally abusive narcissist. i don't throw that term around lightly, as so many people do these days, but i honestly believe she's devoid of empathy. she's admitted that she dislikes me and thinks i'm stupid because i don't talk much, and goes out of her way to make me feel unwelcome.

so i'm stuck in an area that feels, to me, like the middle of nowhere. i'm not homesick, i love this country. it's just that i'm not used to suburbs. i feel most comfortable in a city where there's people and places and things, neon lights and background noise and stuff to do.

i'd would be happy to live anywhere as long as it's not with her. it honestly feels like a prison sometimes. that sounds dramatic but she's cultivating an unbelievably hostile environment that causes me to feel on edge whenever she's around.

needless to say we need to move, desperately. it's our #1 priority. more than anything else i want a place of our own and eventually a family. we've been actively househunting for the better part of a year, but the rental market is catastrophically bad right now. it's not even about the money, since we're both working we can afford a decent place. it's just that it's so competitive. every showing i've attended, there's been like 30 other prospective tenants. we've been turned down from every apartment we've applied for.

on top of our living situation i have complex health issues that are just getting worse. my energy is zapped. trying to balance work work and housework leaves me with almost no free time to write.

this barely scratches the surface of why I Am The Way That I Am™. i'm not saying any of this to evoke sympathy or brag about 'having it hard'. simply trying to explain. my upbringing was abusive and dysfunctional in a number of ways. i just barely graduated high school. i never had traditional opportunities, i was raised in a way where there's basically no assumption/expectation that you'll ever be successful or fulfilled. i'm diagnosed with ADHD, PTSD and bipolar 2 - haven't been able to get my proper meds in australia. i've been addicted to hard drugs and alcohol. i'm not pleasant to be around. i will probably always look like and act like the lower class, white trash girl that i am. i have spent my entire life in survival mode.

i'm always in the midst of some identity crisis or running away from something. so yeah, i've been hurt and downtrodden. i've also experienced the beautiful side of life from time to time. i've gained a breadth of knowledge and met incredible individuals who introduced me to new perspectives and i'm forever grateful for them. with the way i've lived, i'm very lucky to not be dead or incarcerated right now.

ok, pity party's over. for real this time.

you're pretty much describing exactly how i feel. you know the struggle. the part about waiting to live my life; that's precisely where i'm at. i don't necessarily have a desire to fit in, i just want to get away into somewhere that i can adjust better to.

my isolation is partially due to a lack of energy but also i don't seek out interaction because i'm afraid no one else can understand me. not because i believe i'm too 'complex' or 'damaged' to be understood. that's a load of self-pitying bullshit. it's just scary to be truly seen. or vulnerable. or genuine. bc the results of such openness are unpredictable and uncomfortable.

it's hard, but i know i have to find it within myself to take that push. what's holding me back right now is mainly my material conditions, circumstances out of my direct control. i have no doubt i'll feel at least 50% better when i stop living with this woman.

i certainly have no problem with starting over if something doesn't work for me. contrary to what i might've described, i believe i'm pretty well adjusted, self aware and rational. as is obvious i don't take many things that seriously lmao. i went from caring wayyy too much about everything, being overly emotional and sensitive, to going entirely with the flow and accepting what i can't control or predict.

also i am well aware that you can't change people, that's never been my goal lmao i've never needed someone to tell me that <3

tl;dr, thank you. so much. this really uplifted and inspired me meli, thank you so much for being so thoughtful and compassionate.

it sounds like you're also stuck between a rock and a hard place in your own environment, and i'm sorry to hear that. it's a wretched feeling but i believe you you will thrive no matter the setting, because in all seriousness, you're incredibly talented. i hope you know you should follow your dreams. hell, it looks like you already are and you're giving us the privilege of witnessing it. your art is stunning, the passion and care you put into your work is obvious. your matthew is absolutely beautiful - like his maman.

from a rabidly devoted france woobifier to the designated france hater, i'm only going to say this once but you are validated in your distaste. i understand. you gotta admit though, he is a MILF.

if one thing is certain i will never stop frussyposting. in fact right now i am thinking about france hetalia big fat juicy boobies mmmm milky squishy. i'm giving her a teensy tiny little slut waist and childbearing hips. i would give him a brazilian butt lift but he doesn't even need it!!!

if that is a crime then lock me up. please. strap on the handcuffs and throw me in the crate for naughty little freaks teeheehee >:3

be careful tho. if you keep sending me gay ass love letters like this they're gonna start shipping toxic yuri melianca even harder <3