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lady-laureline · 9 months

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I want to get to the bottom of neurodivergent burnout. I feel like there are a lot of people that have no context to take it seriously in, so they don't.

As with a lot of these posts, writing this is my way of ironing out my own understanding - take it with a grain of salt, I'm not a professional. I've tried to keep it general but as I'm speaking from a late-diagnosed audhd experience, it will lean in that direction.

Also, depending on how much you relate, this may warrant a mental health trigger warning? There's self-talk that isn't very kind.

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The precursor to burnout is survival mode: a state in which the body doesn't allow itself to fully enter a state of rest, as it is perceived to be "unsafe" by the nervous system. Neurodivergent symptoms aren't always a cause for stress in and of themselves, but people displaying them quickly learn that symptomatic behaviour rubs others the wrong way, even if they lack the intuition to see why.

☁️ People don't like the way I behave.

This is compounded by miscommunication.

Say a divergent child says something that sounds neutral to them, but rude to everyone else. They might get reprimanded for hurting someone's feelings, but they don't see how what they said was hurtful. Say this child's requests for an explanation are seen as insolence instead of curiosity.

The adults might come away thinking the child needs more discipline. The child might come away knowing they did something wrong, but unsure as to what that was or how to avoid it in the future.

☁️ I can't trust myself to say good things, even if my intentions are good. If I say a bad thing, it's my fault even if I don't know why it's bad.

The more these situations crop up, the more the emotional takeaway morphs into low self-esteem and constant vigilance (to catch mistakes before they happen). As the child grows older and responsibilities increase, they are also faced with a more nuanced picture of society that they're already lagging behind - demanding more nuanced masking, which is already a separate workload - on top of battling those good old sensory issues.

To those who don't know what the fuss is about: you know when you have a fever and your skin is super sensitive? If you separate the tingliness from the discomfort, and then apply that discomfort to the rest of your senses, you'll get a pretty good idea of what sensory overwhelm is like. We don't all experience this the same way (for example, I'm generally fine with food textures but really sensitive to noise) or with the same frequency, but it tends to be both unpleasant and consistent.

These additional energy drains inevitably lead to feeling the effects of hard work without anywhere near the same results of our peers. The easiest explanation, and the assumption most uninformed make, is one of personal shortcomings. Laziness. Selfishness. A "bad attitude".

☁️ No matter how hard I try, it is not enough. I haven't earned my pain. I haven't earned my rest.

It's a frustrating experience, and all those feelings need to go somewhere. We learn skills such as silent crying to hide our "overreactions"; we use our anxiety as a driving force for productivity. Many disabled people have the dissociative method down pat. And then there's the assertive emotions.

Displaying anger out of bounds of the neurotypical context is a whole other kettle of fish. When the nervous system is cortisol city, things will boil over eventually. Any witness is likely to be unaware of the extent of the stressors that led up to this outburst, so it can seem to happen out of the blue. Plus, if the inciting incident appears insignificant to the onlooker, they'll probably think it's all a bit childish.

Say what you will about neurospicy social skills but we have a killer radar for cringe. Raise your hand if you smush down irritation on the regular. Better yet, raise your hand if you "never get angry".

☁️ My frustration is misplaced and out of proportion. If I show it, I lose the respect of people I care about.

Maybe we've been afraid to feel what we feel our whole lives, but there comes a point where something's got to give. We might even be making a conscious effort to get in touch with our emotions after years and years of ripping them down and sealing them away. It's a Pandora's box situation: once the seal is broken, there's no getting the horrors back inside.

That's usually the beginning of what is widely recognised as burnout. There is so much to sort through, life effectively gets put on hold, at least for those of us lucky enough not to crash and burn the moment we let go of the wheel.

Recovery isn't a matter of a little vacation time: it can take months or years, and it may not look like work but it very much is. The trauma runs deep and we have no choice but to get to the bottom of the trench if we don't want to be stuck in a permanent state of exhaustion. It can be isolating as there's not a lot of energy left for much else - overextend and your body will slap you back in line so fast your head will spin. And no, you do not get to choose what overextending yourself entails.

To anyone actually going through this, try not to keep yourself in check, at least when you're alone. Your psyche does not want to pretend anymore. Pretending has repercussions now.

It may come as a surprise that a lot of people don't take kindly to healing. A person in burnout recovery is (by necessity) less accessible, more self-centered, taking up more space and drawing new boundaries. Unmasking may reveal a person your friends don't understand like the contorted version of yourself they got to know. Furthermore - change, when seen as a threat, can cause people to lash out.

☁️ Healing is a punishable offense. It hurts those around me. They don't want me as I am, but they don't want me to change, either.

One of the things I've had difficulty accepting is that there are good, caring people in my life that don't deserve an explanation of what I'm going through. They might have a space in their hearts for the person they think that I am, but the capacity to truly get to know me isn't there, at least yet.

Once I'd been burned enough times, I made a decision to settle for nothing less than sincere interest as a prerequisite for any attempt to make myself understood. From there, it wasn't not far to the bittersweet realisation that the only person's permission I need to grow is my own.

I'm not sure how to wrap this up, which might mean future edits (there are always more edits), but the thought is complete enough to post.

I suppose there is no end to becoming one's own person, and even though the line between recovery and living can be blurry a lot of the time, existing with purpose is a decision each of us has to make.

I'm sending a telepathic hug to anyone who needs one right now. Take care of yourselves.

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The self-talk of some weird kid:

"People don't like the way I behave. I can't trust myself to say good things, even if my intentions are good. If I say a bad thing, it's my fault even if I don't know why it's bad. No matter how hard I try, it is not enough. I haven't earned my pain. I haven't earned my rest. My frustration is misplaced and out of proportion. If I show it, I lose the respect of people I care about. Healing is a punishable offense. It hurts those around me. They don't want me as I am, but they don't want me to change, either."

(I've included this depressing subconscious narrative because I think it's important to show how little unresolved rejections add up over time. One can put on a dazzling performance to meet social demands while believing all of that, and we desperately need community support that is informed and equipped to help them pick up the pieces once the show falls apart.)

#ramblepost #hoo boy this was a long one #internal narratives will destroy you if you let them #you are worthy of love #you deserve nice things #autism #audhd #autistic regression #burnout #exhaustion #neurodiversity #neurospicy

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violynt-skies · 2 years

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it’s truly no wonder saiki hardly talks

if i was hearing mall court levels of noise 24/7 i would never talk either, why would you want to a d d more noise.

the boy genuinely doesn’t get a moment of peace it’s truly shocking how well he seems to handle it

i don’t think i could last a day w nonstop noise

and with all those thoughts in ur head i feel like it’d be hard to even form ur own jeez

he can’t even plug his ears or do anything about it. and it’s so prevalent in his life that he also has a hard time adjusting to complete silence, bc yeah that would freak me the hell out and you’d be startled too

for him it’s rlly just complete noise or complete silence w the ring there’s no good way for him to easily adjust which sucks sm for him.

idk man that just sounds horrible and we hardly ever see exactly how bad his powers probably effect him yknow

#like i n e e d that time alone #i get so drained from socializing and consistent noise #couldn’t blame him for sleeping late and spending time just staring at the ceiling #i would too #especially if sleep was like his one escape #saiki k #the disastrous life of saiki k.#the disaster of psi kusuo saiki #saiki no psi nan #kusuo saiki

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ruthlesslistener · 2 years

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Can we please have more thoughts about Hollow having a strong maternal instinct? Because it’s smth I absolutely agree on. Smth about their patience and being that gentle giant characters screams “good with kids” for me.

I also think some of it is just leftover good memories of baby hornet. It might just be the projection but having a baby sibling at some point really nails in a positive association with kids for me, that I really think they’d have too. Happy memories of bby hornet zooming down the halls without a care def plays into why they would like and tolerate kids so much. They saw first hand a lot of key moments with hornet and I think that does really shape them, esp when their other internalized experiences almost entirely consist of “git gud to contain an angry god. Also you’re not a person.”

Side note: I once read a fic where Midwife teaches Hollow how to be a midwife/grub sitter for the post infection kingdom and I cannot for the life of me remember the name of it but it really opened my eyes to maternal Hollow.

That fic is Broken Open Revealing Hollowness and Vibrance!! It's written by my friend @vivifrage and is honestly my favorite fic in the fandom, so I'm always gonna plug it when I can :3

But lol yeah you can blame that fic as well for giving me the hcs for maternal Hollow, because I think that it just fits really well with them. They never really had a choice to become the Hollow Knight, but they did seem to want very badly to be truly hollow, and I've always interpreted that as them having a naturally protective/nurturing nature due to the presumed benefit of their sacrifice. We know that the Pale King cared for his civilians very very deeply, enough that he would ruin his entire family for their benefit, so I can easily see Hollow picking up on that as well, especially since their sacrifice working means that the death of their other siblings wouldn't have been in vain. So even if they failed in that end, them guarding whatever nurseries might be around in a slowly-rebuilding Hallownest would allow them to extend that protective instinct to the few remaining survivors that exist, and to show it in a manner that's a lot softer and gentler than fighting fang and claw.

And then, like you said, there's all the good memories they had with Hornet when she was small! Which likely opened their mind to being a gentler protector anyways, and gave them a soft spot for looking after the little ones. That, paired with the headcanon that the Void is more social than PK or WL on account of the vessels all being born from blood of a dead god, and you have someone who's primed to look after any grubs or nymphs that need watching- a young god who failed in their task of caring for the mortals under their wings, and is still somewhat incapable of fighting due to their scars, but can certainly curl up around a nest and make sure nobody gets near it while the parents are out hunting. They're terrifying enough that any adult bug would give pause before approaching, and Hollow's big enough to be a jungle gym for the babies that don't understand what makes a bug or not just yet. The lanky nightmare void creature that was made to kill gods and was sired from the union of three Higher Beings is, in the eyes of a child, just as valid for climbing as any other piece of furniture around them. And Hollow loves them for it!

(also lmao I'm the opposite the entire reason why I can't stand children is because I have two younger siblings. I don't hate kids, not in the slightest, but when you're someone who gets socially drained by merely sharing a room with one person, can't stand loud noises, eye contact, and don't understand irrational behaviors, being around children is hell. Which is why I prefer to write about them instead of be around them, lol, and appreciate maternal/paternal people like Hollow- their patience and tolerance for all the crisises little people have to go through is nigh-godly in my eyes. Much love to those who can manage children!)

#kids are better than adults they just drain my battery way quicker #hollow knight #the hollow knight #the pure vessel #demonicintegrity #see also: why i love writing pk with his kids #i can project all my weird feelings about kids onto him lmAO #i am the cat thats fine with sitting in a room with a toddler until they scream and pull my tail #then im running away and hiding in the bookshelf #or the shoecloset #i like childcare in theory but in reality if a kid starts screaming and having a meltdown then im going down with them #reply

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jadegreenimmortality · 3 years

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Howdy! I notice you were taking bsd matchup requests and was hoping to if you could take one from me? Specifically from ADA if that’s okay! Only if you are taking, I understand if your hands maybe full!

Okay, am a petite-little lass of 4’9, Sagittarius, INFJ-T, and am Bisexual (with a preference to men). I am a shy lass upon meeting, it takes a lot out of me to speak to new people am not familiar with and can be awkward in new and unfamiliar social settings. However, I can be talkative and more immersed in a conversation with people I consider my best friends, a complete 180. Even so, I am more comfortable listening rather than speaking and show my affection and interest through action than words. Writing also comes out better than my words can too. I am soft spoken and fairly empathetic of people and animals and always try to lend my attention to those who maybe going through a lot; though, so much of it can drain me.

I find comfort in being indoors, but more than anything I love seeing natural, nature settings, especially when it comes to stargazing and the moon; they are utterly beautiful to me! I love animals, especially wolves, cats and large felines! I enjoy drawing them just as much too. I also love stuffed animals, especially the soft textured ones, my heart is completely won with them! May carry them as an accessory for comfort when out and about too if they are small enough to tie on a bag or so!

I do have high anxiety and moments of traumatic stress due to loud noises, leaving me very jumpy and spooked to most normal things. It leaves me speechless and wanting to be alone most of the time. I’d love an F/o who listens to what I can say and comforts me when I need it or face insecurities. I would love and cherish them dearly!

Thank your attention and appreciate your time if you are able to! And excuse me if it’s too much to ask to be paired with a certain tiger gifted ;;w;; Only if it is okay, unless you find a match with someone else than that is understandable and okay! Excuse me again and graci for your time! ;;w;;

A/N: Hello dear @alphaofdarkness! I got incredibly excited when I got your match-up request, you’re my first match-up! I’ve always wanted to do those since I saw the concept for the first time. Thank you so much for putting your trust in me and requesting!! (⊙ᗜ⊙) As for the character preference: yes, you may! I do prefer doing open match-ups as I find the process of choosing a character very fun, but I’ll gladly do specific match-ups as well. Requests really help me figure out how to improve my request rules, hahaha. I hope you like the song, my music taste is either full-on punk rock or really sappy, so this is what you got. (ಠ⌣ಠ) Also no mood board because I do not know (yet) how to do them, I am very sorry. Anyways, I had lots and lots of fun writing this and I hope you can enjoy it just as much.

Anthem of your love:

I match you with…

Atsushi Nakajima!

Speaking in general, Atsushi and you match because you really get each other due to your similarities. You both are very devoted and are willing to listen to the needs of your partner, to learn and grow together. You will support each other when facing fears and trauma and be each other’s greatest comfort.

Going into detail, your first meeting will be very awkward. Neither you nor Atsushi are outgoing or charismatic, so your conversation will mainly consist of superficial small talk and long, awkward periods of silence. He won’t blame you for it in any way though; from the very first moment, Atsushi will feel comfortable in your presence. He’ll catch on early to your caring and soft nature and really appreciate it – he just doesn’t know how to converse with you since you hardly get a full sentence over your lips, which in return will leave him unsure if he may have said something that made you feel uncomfortable.

Eventually, something will break the ice though. Maybe you’ll learn about his ability and express your love for felines, maybe he’ll just witness how you sacrifice your emotional well-being trying to help someone out and offer his help since he can’t stand seeing you spending yourself that much. Either way, there will be a moment where both of you can finally let go a bit of your own awkwardness and open up slowly – and the rest is history.

If you feel more at ease expressing yourself through writing, you’ll probably develop the relationship by texting at first. It will brighten Atsushi’s day to get text messages from you every now and then and he’ll be so eager to text back he may even forget shortly that he’s at a job and Kuni will yell at him. As soon as he understands he’s falling for you, his messages may get more shy for a while – don’t mind it, he’s just trying to adjust to his own feelings.

Being in a relationship with you will be whole new experience for Atsushi on so many levels. It is the first time anyone has given him exclusively so much attention and love and he won’t know how to deal with it at all. He’ll hesitate to talk about his feelings and needs at first – not because he doesn’t trust you, but because it’s just so new to him. He really appreciates that you are always willing to listen though and knows that you’re always there if something is troubling him. On the other hand, he’ll also enjoy hearing you talk more when you start loosening up. He’ll love the glow on your face whenever you talk about your favourite things and listen with the softest content smile on his lips.

Atsushi will be a very protective boyfriend, no matter if it is on physical or emotional level. He feels immense adoration for you and so much gratitude that you decided to love him the way you do. He’ll feel even more need to protect you, to prove that he’s worthy your love, than he would in a relationship with anyone else. Firstly, his need gets reinforced by the fact that you’re so tiny. He knows that height doesn’t say anything about a person’s ability to fend for themselves looking at you, Kyouka, but he just can’t help it. Secondly, your tendency to drain yourself while caring for others worries him a lot. He won’t step in because he understands how important it is for you to be there for others, but he’ll always be around to make sure you don’t break down. He’ll send you soft texts reminding you to hydrate, to maybe take a nap, to put aside an hour for yourself each day.

Your relationship means the world to him and there are so many ways he’ll express it:

Your dates will be the sweetest things. At the first date, Atsushi will be incredibly nervous. He will try to think of everything that a good, classic date needs, will probably collect advice from Kyouka so his date plans include a lot. He won’t drag you around though. Whenever he sees you happy at some point, he’ll stay there as long as you want. In the end, you’ll probably end up strolling through a park for the longest time – a great possibility to let nature sooth you and slowly get to know each other better.

When he knows you better, he’ll be perfectly fine to do cozy dates at home. You could cook together, or cuddle up and read or watch movies. You will also end up walking through the nearby parks quite frequently and maybe, when you’re both up to it, go to amusement parks or arcades. There, he will try to win you the biggest plushie possible with adorable determination (of course, you can also try to win it yourself if you’d prefer that).

When you stay overnight, you’ll start witnessing his PTSD nightmares. He won’t talk about it for a long time, but will gladly accept the physical comfort you may offer him. Since you enjoy watching the night sky, he’ll be more than happy to sit on the window sill or even on the roof on warmer days to gaze at the stars. The combination of your calming presence, the fresh air and the mysterious, white light of the moon will do a great deal to calm him down.

Of course, your love for animals, especially felines, will be a big topic in your relationship. It doesn’t matter if you first express your love for felines before or after he reveals his ability to you, your fondness will leave him more than surprised. If you decide to ask him to show his tiger form to you, his first reaction will be an irrational fear he may hurt you if you get close to him. This will be the case even if he’s already in full control of beast beneath the moonlight by then. But even if he refuses the first time you ask, he’ll show it to you eventually. If you decide to pet him, he’s melting. No one has ever petted his tiger form before and it just feels so overwhelmingly good to be loved in his tiger form as well.

When you show him your drawings, he’ll be in awe. Since part of him considers himself utterly talent- and useless, he’ll admire your drawing talent all the more. If you let him, he’ll be more than happy to look through all of your artworks. Expect lots of soft smiles and praises. Now, if you ever ask him if you can draw him in his tiger form, Atsushi will be a bit conflicted. There’s nothing to say against it generally speaking, but it is hard for him to connect his tiger to good things, and even more to things that do not involve fighting. You are his greatest supporter when it comes to accepting himself though, so he won’t be hard to convince and even though he’ll be pretty bashful which you can’t see when he’s a tiger, he’ll adapt eventually and just be happy to make you happy.

He’ll be happy to support your love for animals in every imaginable way. He would ask you if you’d like to go to a zoo since you love animals that much. If you feel the need to stop and pet every dog and cat you cross ways with, that’s not a problem to him! He finds it really cute when your eyes light up at the sight of a furry friend. He’ll also be on a look-out for little plushie key chains or phone accessories and will give you little gifts every now and then – fearing every single time you may not like them at all. But your sincere happiness will convince him otherwise easily.

As for your anxiety and traumatic reactions, Atsushi needs no explanation.. Even if your experiences differ greatly, he can relate so much to the seemingly unexplainable panic on your face whenever a sudden loud noise spooks you, whether it be a passing truck honking or a fire alarm going off. Even if your reaction is really subtle to everyone else, he’ll immediately spot the signs the first time you get an anxiety attack in his presence. He won’t know what to do though. He only knows about his own needs when having traumatic flashbacks and doesn’t want to assume that you need the same. He’ll carefully call out your name and ask you if you’re alright. If you jump up at the sound of his voice or move away when he reaches for you his worry will spike, but he won’t push you. It’s obvious to him you want to be alone and he’ll keep his distance. He won’t leave you completely alone though as long as you don’t ask him too, his need to protect you too high to do so.

He’ll try his best to find out what you need if he sees you having this reaction more often and is very grateful if you decide to talk to him about it. He’ll oblige your every need in those situations, even if it is leaving you alone. But he’ll also be more than happy to hold you close to his chest and let you hide from the world or cry if it is a relief to you.

All in all, Atsushi will cherish and love you just as much as you cherish and love him and the two of you will be so sweet, you’ll give everyone diabetes, the end. <3

A/N: That’s it! Again, I hope you enjoyed it, thank you for reading!! I have no experience writing this, but I guess it’s kind of long? I assume you don’t mind though. |ω・)

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #match-up #bsd match-up #bungou stray dogs match-up #atsushi #atsushi match-up #atsushi x reader #atsushi x you #bsd atsushi #bungou stray dogs atsushi #bsd atsushi match-up #bungou stray dogs atsushi match-up

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thevirgodoll · 4 years

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Hi love, I need some advice. I dress extremely nice and beat my face consistently but close family are like you’re so pretty but could lose some weight and things along that line. I haven’t posted on social media in years and get anxiety when people take photos of me due to this. I even feel uncomfortable in a room of people worried some one may notice my chubby face or my arms that are a little bigger than other girls. I think it’s why no guy has ever liked me. I just want to love myself:(

Listen to me closely. I have absolutely no idea what you look like but I’m about to keep it real.

You’re beautiful, so let’s begin there. I won’t argue with you on this because I can tell. It’s not corny stuff or anything. Only beautiful people with beautiful souls come to my blog. Period. I make the rules.

So, I commend you for being so vulnerable and I will sit here and write.

Just because your family is related to you by blood, doesn’t mean they should always be listened to. Sometimes, things said can be emotionally painful to hear. Backhanded “compliments” such as the one you described, “you’re so pretty but you could lose weight”, are disgusting to me. I don’t care who it is. Uncalled for.

It has slowly eaten away at your self esteem and this is what I would truly like for you to consider. Immediately.

1. Continue to beat your face and dress impeccably like you’ve been doing.

People see you looking good and automatically comment negative, backhanded things. It is going to happen due to jealousy, projected insecurities or projected fears. Do NOT let this stop you from looking as good as you’ve been looking. I’ve gotten hater comments before because I dress well and do my makeup tastefully, and I promise you I kept going — because it made ME feel good which brings me to point 2.

2. It doesn’t matter what THEY think — what do YOU think?

You are the one who has to sit with you at the end of the day. Anxiety can be so draining, and I used to struggle with it badly when I was younger. I had to slowly realize that people were NOT thinking the thoughts that I was thinking. We are always more critical of ourselves than anyone else can be. Let’s keep this in mind, angel.

Tune out anything that is noise. This may include filtering comments that eat at your self esteem. Next time someone comments on your weight, you say, “Well I’m happy with myself, so you should be happy for me.” Period.

3. Speak to yourself differently.

What do you tell yourself? And what have you been telling yourself? How you may feel on one day — insecure — is an emotion. Your emotion about yourself is not a fact. It’s an error in cognition that has continued over time. Things are not as black or white as anxiety makes it, I promise. “I look good OR I look completely ugly and fat” is black or white thinking. This is not healthy, and it needs to stop.

You must speak to yourself more gently. Just based on what you’ve said, a negative body image has been ingrained in you. You have to begin to appreciate your looks all over again.

Your thoughts make it hard for you to be true to yourself. Your mind has to be a good place to be, because you’re there everyday.

I need you to begin to work on nurturing the parts of you that your intrusive thoughts might’ve wrecked. This is not an easy process, or a quick solution. I always, always say on my blog confidence post that if you affirm it, you’ll believe it:

•My curves make me remarkably beautiful and unique.

•I am beautifully and wonderfully made.

•No one looks like me, because I am a one of a kind beauty.

Write post it’s to put on your mirror. Make a list of the things you love about yourself. I’m serious. It sounds cliche but these are things we have abandoned as we have gotten older.

The simple things we would’ve thought of as children, we abandon. Speak to yourself with the love of a child. Foster that inner child connection, because she needs you.

4. Work on comparing yourself less.

This is not easy, but comparison doesn’t take positive root in your life. It never will. you said that you’re bigger than other girls as if it’s a negative. I need you to translate it to positives. You can appreciate that you have a different body shape than other women. That is okay. You said you dress well, so continue to show it off.

This may mean consuming media that speaks more to you. When it’s time to work on myself, I get off social media that isn’t like Tumblr or Pinterest or motivating Youtube videos. I do not rest until I’ve reached a different goal each day. I put on the Forest app from the App store and block all my apps and focus on journaling or whatever I need to do to improve myself day to day.

It just sounds like you need to spend more time with yourself, and reconnect with loving yourself all over again. Rediscover the things you love about yourself. This is a process, but you know yourself best and what you love to do. Get back into maybe some hobbies that make you feel even more confident and go from there — and if you don’t have any find new ones.

Also, do not worry about guys. That will come later.

People will always be there to love you and admire you. Love isn’t going anywhere. But you have to do these things first so they can understand how you’re to be treated. If you’re retreating into yourself, and hating yourself, it’s going to be harder.

You deserve to be happy. It starts now. Now let’s stop defeatist talks and let’s flourish. I hope this gives you a bit of a boost and if it’s not enough I have posts on confidence and sexual confidence. 💕

#advice #answered #mental health #confidence

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solipseismic · 4 years

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i’m going 2 talk about my necrobotanist azalea parrish can i offer a [rattles can] graphic to interest u

[ ID - a skull with a hand over its face and another hand below it stabbing a dagger into a heart (shape, not anatomical) with the lettering “you’ll break your own heart” from personal-quotes.com (link here !) ]

cws for death, Bones, referenced drug use / addiction / recovery, and family trauma

- bullet points to make it easier on my brain. pls god this is me coked up on my first proper energy drink in two months so some of this may b incoherent i just need 2 Type Something and azalea lives in my mind RENT FREE

- her name is azalea parrish and she’s the younger of a set of twins! her older brother is alder parrish and she fucking hates him. they are (i think) half jamaican / caribbean, half african american

- dead mother

- went 2 Kallerca for college (college but for necromancers and mages), majored in necrobotany and environmental biology. necromancy / -botany can be taught but you have to have a natural aptitude for the energy conversion factor; necromancers give off a certain flavor of energy that can be used to resurrect, reanimate, or speak to the dead. to collect and store this energy, they wear silver; earrings, bangles, necklaces, arm bands, etc. the more silver you wear, the more energy input / output you have. serious necromancers are decked out in it, while occupational / casual necromancers usually have a few rings or earrings. you can resurrect someone if you’re touching someone at the time of death or they’re wearing silver; you can reanimate anything if you put your mind to it

- drawing energy from the silver makes it cold. the more energy taken, the less heat is there. if u ever see a necro with frost creeping across their ears and jaw and spiderwebbing across their lips, mind ur business. they’ve got mad fucken skeletons

- resurrecting someone is a one and done. reanimation is a constant energy drain; think of each construct (zombies or skeletons) having a little tether back to their necro. the further the construct gets from u, the more energy u have to give

- azalea has her septum, all three holes on both ears, eyebrow, lip (twice) pierced as well as two rings on each thumb and industrial piercings. can usually be found with bangles and and an anklet as well

- finals in your fourth (or however many) year at Kallerca for necromancers consist of being stabbed in the chest. managing to resurrect yourself means you’ve passed

- azalea hates alder because he killed their father (macbeth noises)

- most necros don’t reanimate or use animal bones because people can get squicky at seeing corpses / human skeletons walking the streets; alder uses animal bones, usually stags and birds. azalea goes balls to the wall and her favorite hobby is grave robbing old cemeteries. she has (i think) five skeletons at the present moment; Searchlight, Fen, Aztec, Byron, and Cam

- bi and tall (5′11 last i checked). very pretty. dark umber skin with warm undertones; typically wears her hair natural and close-cropped or with dreads (with little silver beads and cuffs!) or bantu knots

- (recovering) morphine (+ other opiates but mostly morphine) addict

- former rave girl. most of her college days were spent going to concerts, clubs, bars. she doesn’t like the quiet and loves to surround herself with people but ever since she went to rehab, she kind of fell out of touch with her social life

- had a boyfriend who broke her fucking heart. hasn’t found love since and isn’t sure she wants to

- i have a wip on her that has a grand total of two (2) complete chapters in which azalea reanimates two skeletons on a california beach and takes them home

- her skeletons (and apartment) are covered in plants; azaleas, climbing poison ivy, water hemlock, bougainvilleas, hydrangeas, oleander are fan favorites. she enjoys succulents and poisonous plants

- her apartment looks like a greenhouse with a sink, folding table (”dining room”) and bed

- bounces around from job to job. necromancers (esp ones with degrees from Kallerca) can get jobs fairly painlessly; first responders, medical assistants, paleontologist / history consultants, research assistants, mediums, etc. azalea’s seen it all. mostly

- uses honesty like a weapon. extremely blunt. fucking hates being lied to

- probably my most unreliable narrator

- listens to a lot of the antlers

- bone enthusiast

- plant expert

- more than a little rude. she doesn’t bullshit around it tho ( a la those people who go “i’m not rude, i’m just blunt / honest (etc)”) and it’s just because 1 she’s not used to people talking to her because they want to talk to her (everyone wants something) and 2 most of her recent socialization has been with her skeletons, the majority of which are over seventy years old

- imagine skeletons with touch, scrubby grass in lieu of wires at their joints, with poison ivy crawling up their limbs and thorny briars criss crossing through their rib cages. one is missing a lower jaw and another has a tiny white azalea flower peeking out of its eye socket

#azalea parrish #necrobotanist #rambles #croidhe #writing #mine #solipsismisilliterate #necrobotany #necromancer #necromancy #not me writing out the cws and remembering how awful her backstory is #im so sorry #ocs #no betta we die like fish #this was nice i should do this more often

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magneticmage · 3 years

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I'm in the mood for it (plus it's Disability Pride month) so here are all my disabled ocs;

Under cut for Length

Additional Notes; Please do not judge me too harshly. While I have a few of these disabilities (most notably PTSD, anxiety-depression, and visual impairments) myself and personally know people who have some others, every person and their experiences are unique. I try my best to give these disabilities the space and gravity they deserve in my writing, but it is difficult for ones that I have no personal experience with. In addition, I am still learning and only human. If I have done something wrong or phrased something badly at any point now or in the future, let me know and I will do my best to fix it/do better. Apologies for the abrupt disclaimer but there we go.

Anyways!!!!

On the the List!

RWBY;

Selene Argent=Has PTSD, one prosthetic eye, and some physical scars on face and torso. I'd safely say she counts.

Baldur's Gate;

Sable Shades=Is an albino and was rendered mute at birth. He sunburns extremely easily and is near-sighted. He also often communicates through sign language.

Roan Roarke=Beyond some minor PTSD symptoms (increased anxiety and stress levels) surrounding fires, he's perfectly fine.

Faenerys Elendir=Has PTSD from her time imprisoned particular involving whips and brands as torture implements.

Rune Mistsea=Post-lycanthropy encounter, he is notably more short-tempered around the full moon along with a distinct craving for meat and violence. Otherwise, nothing else of note.

Lucine Mistsea=Beyond a notable paranoia issue when it comes to demons and cambions (but not fellow tieflings), she's fine.

Lyr(e/a/an) Lovemoor=Autistic. Too much light and noise and surrounding activity is draining and makes them short-tempered with occasional blowouts/meltdowns. Has a Thing about certain textures (very much hates slimes and oozes and squishy things for this reason, likes silks and furs and leathers). Has a fascination for all things shiny and glittery (gems and currencies are a special interest). Also often fidgets with their daggers.

Saga Musehart=Was rendered blind due to torture at the hands of prison guards. She also lost a hand (initially) and a forearm (later due to infection) and wears a prosthesis.

Cei Gloomdraft=Autistic or at least neurodivergent of some kind. Might have some ADHD, it's not quite clear yet in the few pieces I've written so far to help develop her.

Mass Effect;

(Solo Shepard Canon)

Annette Shepard=Has some lingering PTSD symptoms from surviving a raid on Mindoir, then thresher maws in Akuze, and then being spaced at the beginning in Mass Effect 2. She also suffers from some survivor's guilt Post-Virmire due to losing Ashley, and then all of Mass Effect 3 puts such a huge burden on her that she's fighting off some severe depression and despair from all the losses. She's got an old war injury in her shoulder that acts up from time to time, occasionally making her biotics misfire a barrier. She's on immuno-suppressant drugs to prevent her body from rejecting her Cerberus-added cybernetic implants and upgrades, and also some antidepressants for depression and anxiety symptoms for said lingering PTSD symptoms. Girl's a walking disaster-fire mentally but she keeps on surviving and she still looks for the good in life as it comes, so there's that.

(Shepard Siblings)

Joanna=Like Roscoe and Riley, she's also on immuno-suppressants to prevent cybernetic implant rejection. Notably, she's the most well-adjusted of the three mentally, although the losses and struggles of ME 3 start to take their toll due to depression. She spends an awkward month on the Normandy adjusting to the new medication while adjusting the amounts needed. In addition, she also goes through a whole existential crisis come the Citadel DLC about if she is really Joanna Shepard or a clone (which Riley, Roscoe, and the Normandy crew snap her out of). Her survivor's guilt is much less pronounced than Riley's though she does start the early stages of a martyr complex (it's a source of frequent and well-humored debate between Riley and Roscoe if it was already there or not) about the of Thane's death. But she does her best and keeps on going.

Roscoe=Definitely mentally ill. He's got some trauma around abandonment that starts to get fully addressed around ME 2 in part due to Jack and Miranda and is mostly resolved around ME 3 though naturally scars remain. It often manifests as anger, depression, and even callousness. Like Joanna's and Riley, he is on immuno-suppressants to prevent the potential rejection of his cybernetics. He's also got an old wound from Torfan in his abdomen that acts up under stronger pressures like before a rainstorm or different gravity levels as well as drastic temperature changes such as cold (he HATES Noveria for that reason in particular though it isn't the only one, man). Beyond all that, he's very strong-willed and gives no fucks to shit.

Riley=Much like Annette except a bit more well-adjusted due to a larger support network and character drive. Has notable flashbacks/triggers around batarians, thresher maws (this one includes panic attacks once the direct danger has passed), and hardsuit complications (they always makes sure that their helmet and everything is in working and optimal order). Has survivor's guilt from their losses on Mindoir and Akuze but between meeting Talitha and Toombs in ME 1, they confront and deal with it, beginning to heal from it. Even on Virmire with the loss of Honora and all the failures of ME 3, they do better at handling it though it still remains to varying degrees. Like Joanna's and Roscoe (and Annette again), they're on immuno-suppressant drugs to prevent issues with their body rejecting the cybernetics, with the additional ones of antidepressants to help manage some of their anxiety-depression symptoms. They also have some degree of chronic pain (maybe some kind of cystic fibrosis?) due to past overuse of their biotics that damaged part of their nervous system and occasionally causes it to misfire for no reason, often causing intense pain. Rarely and only if the pain isn't treated with extensive biotics-free rest periods and numbing agents in the form of more pills, the biotics will manifest and they'll accidentally move shit around, including themself a few times. This is most notable in ME 3 due to the nature of the larger and longer combat sequences with shorter and shorter rest times between. Though they manage as best they can with the help of their crew and family, it is still a struggle and they notably stop joking about retiring when they're dead and seem to consider it more seriously around ME 3 but save the final decision for the end of the Reaper Wars.

(Shepard Family)

Honora Hartford=She had an eating disorder when she was younger that left some lingering issues with her health but overall she's fine up until her death.

Riley's deceased siblings were overall healthy though Payton had Down's Syndrome and Brooklyn had ADHD. Harley had moderate asthma and used an inhaler.

Clover has anemia quite often and takes iron pills daily

The rest of the Shepard cousins don't have any disabilities to much knowledge though I am still fleshing them out.

(Andromeda)

Sara and Scott Ryder have some lingering damage from their cryopod accident and the Kett leader fucking with them, but otherwise they are okay.

Asher has ADHD while Shiloh struggles with a mild form of chronic fatigue. Evander, Rebecca, and Lucas are all able-bodied.

Dragon Age;

(Fereldan Wardens)

Lynera Mahariel=Dunno if this counts, but am putting it here anyways since it affects her overall health. Occasionally suffers from a type of sleep paralysis that is mixed with night-terrors. It doesn't appear to have a rhyme or reason as to when it occurs beyond perhaps stress and it's only every few months. However, it often leaves her completely drained for at least a week afterwards. She also occasionally has insomnia post-terrors as well which she self-medicates with sleeping draughts. She also has crippling period pains that appear to be consistent with ovarian cysts on her left side (though she later has it removed by Catriona once it ruptures due to injury). She also suffers from bouts of depression during Origins but that could be due to the extenuating circumstances she was under at the time.

Isemaya Tabris=When overly stressed, being exposed to strong amounts of concentrated Taint in a short period of time, or sometimes simply for no apparent reason, she suffers from intense migraines that are often treated with herbal painkillers and lying still in a dark and quiet room. Also due to a past injury to her left eye by humans, she has a harder time seeing on that side but is not completely blind.

Catriona Surana=She seems to be autistic due to her ability and predilection to hyperfocus on various studies (often Blight and magic-related but other areas do occur) as well as her obliviousness to social cues (she didn't realize she was liked by her suitors until Cale outright told her and by then she had decided she liked them already). Notably, she adapts a bit better Post-Origins due to Alistair and Leliana's influences but it still happens.

Cale Amell=Had some minor amnesia surrounding the exact events leading to his magic manifestation but later learned it was because he had set his eldest brother Azul on fire and believed he killed him as Raven helpfully supplied (Azul had instead faked his death as Cale discovers around the time of Awakening).

Fion Cousland=Briefly suffers from a minor alcohol addiction but has treatment while he is still in the functional phase courtesy of Catriona. Since then, he heavily monitors his intake and even helps Oghren get treatment for his own. He also occasionally has painful muscle twinges due to an injury that stretches from his temple to his eye and ear down to his neck on the right side. This is most notable in bad weather or when he is sick.

Barran Aeducan=Suffered from a superiority-inferiority complex towards his siblings growing up though it has greatly lessened with time and experience. It is mostly gone by the time of Inquisition though prominent traces still remain.

Tatha Brosca=She is hard of hearing and has manged to cope by learning to lip-read (not always successful, however, especially with languages she is not familiar with) in Origins and a pair of hearing "horns" designed for her by an admiring Smith caste man by Awakening. She often jokes that now she has even more in common with her Bronto companion, Salroka, due to their shared horns.

(Origins)

Vireth Mahariel=Suffers from epilepsy and often treats it with various herbal remedies, though it is not completely effective and large amounts of intense stress on his body make it worse. He also begins to develop cataracts around the time of Act 2 of Dragon Age 2, though the cause is unknown (presumed genetics or simply age at the moment).

Elthorn Tabris=Has a stutter speech impediment.

Alaros Surana=Unknown at the moment as I haven't written too much about him.

The Amell Siblings=Probably doesn't count but Azul gets motion sickness, especially on boats. Raven, Carmine, and Reed are all perfectly healthy and fine, however the latter two are the ones I've written least at the moment. Marigold has asthma that she treats with herbs.

Aelynne Cousland=Nothing comes to mind. She does have some old injuries (mentally and physically) she acquired from the attack on Highever by Arl Howe that color her later interactions with the family during the Fereldan Civil War.

Valda Aeducan=Has a notable visual impairment that is corrected with glasses, albeit there is nothing to be done for her slight colorblindness (she has a hard type distinguishing between greys, greens, and blues).

(Orlesian Wardens)

Dion Caron=Suffers from sleep apnea that is eased by a special breathing herbal-incense infused mask he wears as well as whomever in his group is on watch to check on him periodically to ensure he still breathes (most often this is either Victoire-Ainsley or Garam). He also snores and coughs due to this. Loudly.

Victoire-Ainsley Caron=Nothing of note.

Isenna Andras=She's an albino and so burns and rashes in intense light and heat. She also has a lame leg that cannot be fixed with magic and so wears a reinforced brace to aid her walk. This creates a noticeable limp.

Garam Kader=Alcohol makes him sick and he suffered from intense gender dysphoria before paying a huge sum to have an ex-Tevinter magister turned fellow Warden help him transition.

(Hawkes)

Jasper, Skye, and Violet Hawke are perfectly healthy. Albeit with some diet restrictions due to various allergies.

Gray Hawke=He is diabetic and so often has to monitor his energy levels to ensure his health. It's part of the reason he doesn't actively endanger his life like his siblings (not that he won't, just less often in comparison). He acquires a truly impressive diet regime and treatment plan upon becoming a nobleman of the Amell family, allowing him much more freedom than before.

(Marquises)

Aurore and Marcel de Serault both suffer from mild hemophilia. Marcel also has a lyrium drug addiction he is trying to break (and is actually doing quite well via weaning himself off it) due to a brief stint as a Templar while serving the Chantry.

(Inquisitors)

Armashok Adaar=Poor eyesight that cannot be fully corrected by glasses and later loses an arm due to the Anchor. He also lost a few fingers and some right hand mobility due to pre-nquisition injuries as a mercenary. He also wears a brace on his left shoulder. He wears a prosthetic eye and replacement arm.

Ransley Trevelyan=Like Cullen, he is working on breaking his own lyrium addiction from his time as a Templar and, like the other Inquisitors, loses his arm due to the Anchor. He had it replaced with a prosthetic arm for his shield side.

Paeriel Lavellan=She loses an arm alongside all the other Inquisitors, but takes the loss much harsher due to her archery skills suffering. While she will wear a prosthesis in battle or when hunting, she doesn't wear it in her day-to-day life, instead preferring to make due as needed. She also has anxiety.

Naranka Cadash=She loses her Anchor-wielding arm and gains a crossbow-and-dagger prosthetic one courtesy of her Inner Circle, much to her delight. She also suffers from some damage to her reproductive tract due to past injuries and is uncertain if she could have children.

(Inner Circle)

Kara Adaar=Beyond an intense hatred of slavery due to being kidnapped and almost sold when she was younger before being rescued by her father, she's perfectly healthy. She does require bedrest for her periods though.

Emilyse Trevelyan=She suffers from some PTSD from her abuse at Templar hands in the Circle, though she begins to recover towards the end of Inquisition.

Samrel Lavellan=Has dyslexia and uses reading aids and memory devices.

Pyrmar Cadash=He might have some PTSD from his Carta days due to a notable cave-in that lasted for a few days before his rescue.

#disability mention #trauma mention #amputation mention #eating disorder mention #my ocs stuff #mentions of addiction to drugs and alcohol #gender dysphoria mention

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daily-dose-of-imagines · 4 years

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(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ Matchup ♥

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Hi!! First of all I’d like to congratulate you guys on your 1000+ followers!! It’s a massive milestone and I’m so happy and proud of you guys for it!! Admittedly I’ve only just found your blog but after hours of scrolling through it I can honestly say that I truly admire the work you put into every one of your requests and fics!! You guys deserve this a lot xx

I’d like to request a match-up for Haikyuu (all male characters) if you guys don’t mind!! Also hopefully the description isn’t too long!! :’)

I’m a 20-year-old Leo girl who’s studying Biomedical Engineering and Arts (with an English major!!) in Sydney. I used to be a guitarist in a high school band and am in general more of an independent individual than a leader/follower.

Physically I’m short with a generally small frame, and have naturally curly hair (though I’ve straightened the top half now!!) dyed a dark rose-pink/brownish color with loose eyebrow-length side bangs on either side curling outwards!! I tend to have softer features and my eyes are on the smaller side HAHHAHAH. My wardrobe basically consists of black, white, brown and beige with lots of jeans, boots and belts and almost no dresses ahahahah. (tbh my icon is me so yall can reference that but I usually have my hair let down ahahahh)

I’m a shy person but some of my friends say I exude a quiet confidence HAHAHHAH. Other ways my friends/family have described me include: smart, kind, awkward, cute, determined, hardworking, creative and being a happy virus. I generally do well in my studies and am particularly good in Physics and English! I do have my flaws tho, I can be too playful at times to the point where it accidentally gets someone hurt, I’m usually running late, I have terrible mood swings and I can be selfish or a little too competitive at times (especially towards my younger siblings unfortunately). Also I’m basically the most indecisive person ever!!

I love writing but I have a problem with not knowing when to stop and hence tend to go beyond word limits. I write well in both creative and academic writing though! I also love spending time with my dogs, napping/playing with them etc. I tend to work out quite a lot and I particularly love cycling! I love being up early and generally don’t mind waking up early but I like my mornings quiet and calm as I enjoy my breakfast hahahhah! But I also tend to stay up till very late at night so I truly am lacking a lot of sleep. I tend to spend a lot of time in my room and I like it that way but I love fun social events like parties and weddings (I’m not sure why??). I love cartoons/animated films a lot idk why but they give me a sense of relief from all my stress and they just make me feel good after watching them?? I also love creating random customized stuff like designing a birthday cake for my brother or creating a specialty dish for Mother’s Day- things like that. Things I don’t like include: loud noises, inconsiderate people, snails, being looked down upon, judgemental and close-minded people, presentations in front of large crowds and chocolate (sorry!!).

Some aesthetics of mine include: the colors of fall, comfy knitted sweaters, the smell of freshly brewed coffee and freshly baked bread, apple-scented objects, the fresh air on the top of a hill at the end of a hike, the wind in your face as you cycle down a hill, receiving or giving a customized gift, glass/transparency, deep ideas, hugging a dog (most furry animals), being in the middle of a bustling city, the sound of rain in the middle of the night, the serenity at dawn, wrapped up in your blanket watching your favorite tv show at night, getting work done at a cafe, the satisfaction having completed all your responsibilities, the way cereal and biscuits melt in your mouth after being soaked in milk for some time, hugs, doves being the symbol of peace and freedom, nyc apartments and theme parks.

My favorite food include pumpkins, Marie biscuits, cereal, artisan bread, almond milk, eggs with runny yolks, tomatoes, brocolli, mushrooms, bibimbap, sashimi salads, deli sandwiches, bruschetta, prawn dumplings, tiramisu, tangerines and flat rice noodle soups. My favorite books include Looking For Alaska by John Green and the Fire and Flood series by Victoria Scott. My favorite movies are Pitch Perfect (1&2 were good but 3 was kinda disappointing), The Devil Wears Prada, Wreck-It-Ralph, Inception, Enchanted, Kiki’s Delivery Service, the new Jumanji movies and Little Women. My favorite artists are One Direction and the kpop group Pentagon, which are basically the only two fandoms I’m apart of (if you don’t consider the 1D boys having 5 separate fandoms) and fandom life is a big part of who I am hahhahah. Oh! The Marvel fandom too as I absolutely adore Tony Stark and hence RDJ hahahah! My favorite TV Show is Friends (cliche I know) but also some animated series ahahhahh.

Have an amazing day!! xx

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Hello @ehlipses and thank you so much! I am so so so happy you like our work, it means a lot to us! And I sincerely hope you enjoy the boy I paired you up with!

>Admin 𝕋

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𝐼 𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓅 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽...

Okay so, I feel as though Semi would be perfect for you! Admittedly when I saw that you played guitar in high school, I immediately knew that Semi would be very attracted to that, thinking he and you could definitely bond with music, and playing instruments. It would such a cute sight to behold! But on another not, he will be incredibly impressed that you are studying engineering, along with and English major! I see Semi as one who will be attracted to someone who is smart and independent, someone who can take care of themselves, and is more of a leader than a follower, yet would rather be an individual and not deal with labels. And you fit the bill to a T!

For appearance, I feel as though Semi would absolutely love you rhair! Like it won’t show in his face, but he would stare at it and just think that he wants to touch, to run his fingers through it, like all the time. It would become some sort of relaxation thing for him, especially before games to play with your hair! It would so freaking cute! And along with the style and the color of it? Yeah this boy would just love it; it would make him want to dye his own hair to make it cool like yours! Semi would love this soft look you have going on, and don’t think bad about your small eyes; Semi will think that just adds to your unique features, makes you different from the rest of the people he has met and known. It is what makes you, you and he will love it very much! And has for your style, he would be very appreciative of it, only because it is so cohesive! I feel as though Semi is a great sense of style and could see someone who also has a good sense of style and really appreciate it, and if you were the one with it? Well, that would just further his infatuation with you!

Semi will love how the things you love mostly line up with his! He loves writing music and he loves that you write as well, in the other sense! Semi would have this idea of where he writes a piece of music, and then he will ask you to write a story based around the music he produced! It would be such a cute thing between the two of you! Semi also likes to workout and would love to exercise with you, and have you show him how to cycle properly! He thinks it would be a great way to get closer to you, and just see how much cuter you could get to him! He will understand the feel of waking up early for some quiet time, though I see Semi as more of a person that would sleep in, he would enjoy your routine while he sleeps lolol. Your ambivert attitude would really intrigue Semi, how you can just spend endless hours in your room to going to social events and not have your energy drained would amaze him, seeing as I think Semi would tend to stay away from big crowds. He would be drawn to that brightness you have! Semi will like how crafty you are with your hands, going from baking a cake for your mom, to creating cuisines for special events. He will think those are great characteristics for someone, and would be glad to it is you that has it!

Semi also doesn’t like inconsiderate people, or judgemental and close minded people, so if you don’t like them and he doesn’t like them, it would be something you two can definitely bond on! I don’t see Semi being afraid of snails, but I see him thinking that it is extremely cute that you are afraid of them! He might tease you with one so be careful!

As for your aesthetics, I feel as though Semi will like all of them! Not necessarily because he likes all of them, but because all of them would remind him of you. From comfy knitted sweaters to the New York vibes, he would these things, feel these things, taste these things, and will automatically think about you. He won’t be able get you out of his head! And he would be okay with that, because that’s what he wants, to know you, think about you, love you, and be with you. Along with all the food you like to the fandoms you are in, he would be very supportive in what you like, in what you are interested in because all he is interested in is to see you happy with whatever you love, with whatever makes you interested in life, what makes you happy. And he would help in anyway he can, to make you just as happy!

#submission #submissions #matchup #anime matchups #haikyuu!!#haikyuu!! matchup #Haikyuu!! x you

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zigtheeortega · 5 years

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day 24: loss | liam x mc (au)

title: disruption

pairing: liam x mc

@choicesfebruarychallenge | @bi-cookie ; @cxld-play

warnings: angst, smut, n*sfw, (18+)

word count: 5,764

song inspiration: if i ever feel better - phoenix

author’s note: first off, i’m not good at naming characters like at all, so elliott is just a placeholder bc i knew mc would look weird. second, i haven’t written an au choices fic yet, so i’m a lil nervous to post this! I’ve also never written liam before, much less smut for him, so i’m also nervous bc of that! this will probably be my only trr fic bc there are sooo many trr fics out there. lmao anyways, hope you enjoy this angsty smutty sad fic !

“We’re almost there, Elliott,” Bastien called to the backseat, startling her out of her sleep.

She rubbed her eyes and stretched, slipping her coat she’d been using as a blanket over her shoulders, zipping it up to her chin.

Lythikos had an intense frigidity to it, one that Elliott couldn’t forget. She only visited monthly for short periods of time, but the stinging sensation of the snow on her bare face never left her memory.

She checked her phone, her heart fluttering at the pseudonym that appeared on her phone.

“Hello?”

“Hey. I’m finishing up my last obligation, but I shouldn’t be longer than an hour.” His voice warmed her heart. It was the first time in weeks she’d heard it over the phone, not on television in a rehearsed speech.

“Okay. I brought some of my work with me if that’s alright with you. I’d love your feedback,” Elliott smiled to herself, treasuring her lover’s genuine interest in her new profession.

“Of course,” she could hear him beam through the phone. “I love you.”

“I love you too. See you soon.”

He hung up, and she sighed. Sneaking around was getting so tiresome, but she’d do anything and everything for Liam.

After Elliott and her friends couldn’t locate Tariq, the wedding went on as scheduled. It took her months of hiding out in Cordonia with her best friends to get herself together. Hana stayed by her side consistently, consoling her until she figured out a game plan.

She thought she’d be able to find a solution and live out her fairytale, but she was too late. She’d never be able to fully have Liam like she wanted, but Madeleine offered her a compromise to keep everyone happy.

She’d brought it up to Elliott before everything went to shit, and Elliott rejected it. She saw being a ‘mistress’ as an insult, because she knew she could find a way out of the mess she was in.

Months later, Madeleine, Liam, and Elliott ran a tight ship with friends to keep the affair under wraps.

Elliott could only meet with Liam once a month, under the guise that he had important monthly meetings to attend at Olivia’s home. They could only meet for a weekend at best, and a few hours at worst.

They rarely contacted each other between their meetings. It was depressing, but necessary to keep them a secret. Liam had a burner phone, and Elliott had to save his number under an undetectable moniker. When they spoke, it was short and sweet, and they couldn’t use each other’s real names.

She flew to Cordonia monthly, usually having to go to great lengths to disguise herself from the paparazzi.

It was emotionally draining and everything leading up to the rendezvous was stressful and tense, but all worth it when she saw Liam’s face light up when he first saw her.

Bastien pulled into the driveway behind the castle, easing up next to a side entrance that Elliott was all too familiar with – she knew Olivia would be waiting behind the large door.

She fixed her wig, pulling her beanie over the top of it, and hid her purple-rimmed eyes behind huge square sunglasses.

“Olivia informed me that you can go to the door. I’ll bring your bags in later. There aren’t any paparazzi in sight, so you’ll be safe,” he smiled at her through the rearview mirror, a sympathetic look in his eyes.

“Thank you so much, Bastien. I could never repay you for what you’re doing for Liam and I,” she replied gratefully, apology laced through the tone in her voice.

“Anything you need, I’m here. Don’t feel guilty. The only time he’s happy is when he sees you, and I’d never get in the way of that.”

Her heart swelled at the thought. She waved to him, stepping out into the blizzard.

The door cracked open, and Elliott spotted the fiery hair before her expression.

“Come in, come in,” Olivia frowned at her messy disguise. “That wig’s a mess, Elliott. If you’re gonna opt for a cheap, frizzy wig, at least hide a pocket knife in it.”

Elliott shrugged, grinning at Olivia’s annoyance. “Why should I do that when I have my best friend here to protect me?”

Olivia scowled, a hint of a smile on her lips. “You’re lucky I’m your ally.” She turned on her heel and stalked down the hallway, leaving Elliott scurrying to catch up.

Elliott had gotten pretty familiar with the underground tunnels of Lythikos over the past year. Olivia secretly renovated an unused area to make an apartment-like cluster of rooms, so that Elliott could stay safely in the tunnels with everything she needed, and she wouldn’t be bothered by anyone.

It was an ingenious idea, and Elliott had no idea how to pay her back for her generosity. Honestly, Olivia probably did it to avoid controversy, like most every noble was doing. Elliott wasn’t sure if Olivia was doing it for the sake of Cordonia’s image or the sake of her friends’ sanity.

Olivia pulled out a skeleton key and unlocked the door, turning on the lights. “I added a more comfortable bed, some more decorations, and got Bastien to fully stock the fridge, so you can cook pretty much anything you want.”

She walked over to the living room area and pointed at the T.V. “I didn’t have to get a 60 inch flatscreen for you, but I know how much you love binging horror movies that I had to help scare you somehow.” She smirked, and pulled out a few drawers from the T.V. stand. “I ordered a hundred or so movies in case you get bored. I have no idea how long you’re gonna be here.”

Elliott shifted her weight, sighing. It was too painful to stay longer than a couple of days. “I was gonna leave on Sunday like I usually do –”

“How asinine. You’re taking a 9 hour flight on a Thursday night to get here by morning, and you take another 9 hour flight back on Sunday morning? You’re wearing yourself thin for no reason, Elliott,” she shook her head at Elliott, confusion lining her expression.

“Liam usually can’t spend more than 2 days at a time with me.”

“You have other friends in Cordonia, you know that right?” She narrowed her eyes at her, crossing her arms.

“After all that happened, I can’t show my face here. My reputation is tarnished, and even being seen here is a scandal waiting to happen. It gets riskier and riskier every time. I can’t risk any of my friend’s well-being for the sake of my secret relationship,” Elliott plopped onto the couch, defeated.

Remorse flashed through Olivia’s eyes, but it disappeared as quickly as it came. “None of this is your fault, Elliott. We know the truth.”

Elliott shook her head, a lump forming at the back of her throat. It didn’t matter that Justin and Adelaide were ousted as terrorists, and that Elliott’s friends were able to stop them from assassinating Liam and Madeleine.

Tariq was never found, and King Constantine was killed before he could clear her name. No one would believe Bastien, and Penelope was too afraid to publicly admit her wrongdoing, so Elliott didn’t have enough evidence to be exonerated.

“Sometimes… I wish everything were different. Maybe if we’d split up and searched on our own… or if I tried a little harder…” She struggled, her throat burning, a sign of tears to come. She didn’t want to talk about this situation any more than she had to, which was every time she visited.

Her new life was pretty much an escape from the events of the past year, but she was forced to face her past trauma head on every time she stepped foot on Cordonian soil.

“Elliott…” Olivia trailed off, and reached towards her, but dropped her hand. “I’m sorry I brought it up. I guess I’m still seething over the whole ordeal. I’m pretty defensive since I know we’re right but no one else knows that.” She sat down, leaning back onto the couch, crossing her legs. “You shouldn’t feel like you’re risking our social standing or anything. All of us know exactly what we’re risking to help you and Liam, and we’re okay with it. You’re our…” She whispered the last word and Elliott couldn’t quite hear her.

“I’m your what?”

“...friend.”

Elliott threw her arms around Olivia, relishing in the rare vulnerable moment. Olivia seldom showed her true feelings, but when she did, it was like watching a shooting star. It was beautiful, fleeting – a great memory nonetheless.

“Get off of me, you sap,” Olivia patted Elliott’s back with the tip of her fingers.

“Thank you for everything you’re doing. I seriously can’t thank you enough. If there’s ever anything I can do to repay you all, please tell me. I owe you a lifetime of favors.”

“Well, first, you can actually spend time with Hana, Drake, and Maxwell. They won’t shut up about you.” Olivia rolled her eyes.

“Deal. I never got to see Cordonia on my own time, so maybe you could give me a proper tour of Lythikos next time I’m here. You know, when I’m not banished to the cellar.” Elliott grinned.

Olivia laughed once, a delightful noise. “Sure, but you’ll need better snow gear. And take a self-defense class or two before you do so.”

Elliott quirked a brow at her friend, then shook her head. “I won’t even pretend to know what you have planned for me.”

Olivia stood up, and headed for the door. “You have no idea.” She opened it, and before leaving, she said, “Liam should be here soon. Let me know when he’s in the room so Bastien and I can keep watch.”

“Be careful, Liv.”

“Don’t call me that,” Olivia smirked, and closed the door.

----

Elliott spent the next hour working in her notebook, editing and rewriting paragraph after paragraph. An animated movie she’d seen a million times played in the background, prompting Elliott to hum along to her favorite song.

After another hour, she started to worry. She aimlessly flipped through the collection of DVD’s, not really paying attention to the titles.

Where’s Liam? She thought, an uneasy feeling forming in the pit of her stomach.

After hour three, she read a little from a book she’d brought until her eyes started getting heavy.

She awoke to a sequence of 5 sharp raps on the door, followed by a pause, then 3 more.

Our secret knock, She thought. She shot up from the couch and ran to the door, happy tears already welling up on her bottom lids.

She fumbled with the lock, anticipation causing her to shakily rip open the door.

And there Liam stood, holding a bouquet of flowers, a bottle of champagne, and a neatly wrapped present. His perfectly tailored suit laid perfectly on his arms and torso, his muscles just barely concealed. He beamed, his eyes glistening as his eyes grazed over her face.

She grabbed him by the lapels, pulling him inside hastily. “Whoa,” he said, nearly losing balance.

Elliott blushed, wrapping her arms around his neck and bringing his face close to hers. She pressed her lips softly on his, a picture perfect moment she snapshotted and tucked away in her favorite memories.

All of the anxiety she felt traveling in disguise melted away the moment she touched Liam.

“I missed you,” he murmured against her lips.

“I missed you more,” she breathed, snuggling into his neck.

After a sweet moment, she pulled back, and snatched the champagne from his hands. “What’re we celebrating, love?”

He grinned, and locked the door behind him. “It’s a momentous day, Elliott. It’s been a year to the day since we first met.”

Elliott looked at him lovingly, hugging the bottle to her chest. “A whole year?”

He nodded, setting the flowers and present on the table, and gathered Elliott in his arms, hugging her to his chest tightly. “A whole year. I know this situation isn’t ideal, but I’ve never loved anyone like I love you, Elliott.”

He used a finger to tilt her chin to him, and he pressed a soft kiss on her bottom lip. “You’re everything to me.”

“I love you so much, Liam.” She giggled, shaking her head. “From waitress to mistress. Same suffix, different job title.”

His smile wavered, and he exhaled a long breath, obviously uncomfortable with the joke she’d told. “I wish you’d stop putting yourself down like that. Marriage is just a title. Madeleine and I are just business partners. You’re my soulmate, Elliott.”

She pulled back, fiddling with the top of the champagne. “I know. I just wish we didn’t have to be so secretive.”

He gently took the bottle from my hands and popped it open. “I’ve still got local historians and lawyers on my payroll, and they’ve been extensively researching Cordonian laws. I don’t know if they’ll find anything, but I’m determined to keep looking. I don’t want to lose hope.”

Elliott pressed her mouth into a line, then quirked it to the side, processing everything he’d said. “I want to be hopeful that we’ll get out of this eventually, but I’d rather just enjoy the time I have with you, baby. Stress free.”

He poured them two glasses of champagne, and handed one to her. “Of course. My apologies.”

They sat at the kitchen table, and Elliott picked up the flowers, taking a deep whiff of the bouquet. “You really outdid yourself this time, Liam.”

The cluster of sunflowers, lavender, and white roses contrasted beautifully, and smelled even better. “They reminded me of you, so I had to pick them up.”

“Along with a gift?” She lifted a brow, challenging him.

He sipped his champagne, trying to hide a smile. “I think you’ll like it. Open it.”

She ripped off the wrapping paper to reveal a plain white box. She lifted the top off, revealing an assortment of toys on top of a lacy lingerie piece. Her cheeks heated, and she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

“I love it,” Elliott said, nibbling at the skin on her lip.

Liam eyed her lips, a playful look in his eye. “I thought we could try something new this weekend.”

The blush on her cheeks stayed, despite her eagerness to get in bed. “I like the sound of that.”

She gulped down the rest of her champagne and snatched the lacy piece, running to the bedroom.

“Hey!” Liam called, about to stand from the table.

“I’m trying on the lingerie! Stay where you are! It’s a surprise!” She yelled through the closed door.

Elliott emerged after a few minutes, peeking her head out of the door. “You ready?”

“Beyond ready, my love.”

She stepped out, and Liam’s breath hitched in his throat. She could plainly see him shift his legs, desperately trying to conceal his bulge.

“You look… stunning. Absolutely gorgeous, Elliott,” he said, his mouth agape, eyes hungrily roaming across her body.

The strappy lace piece fit like a bikini. The bottom was closer to a g-string than a thong, and the crotch was cut out, making it for easier access. The lace was sheer, barely covering her nipples and folds. She should’ve felt sexy, but was more out of place than anything.

“This is so corny, Liam. You bought me something that you’re just going to strip off of me, and I look absolutely ridiculous in it,” She said, crossing her legs to cover the lack of cloth around her opening.

He stood from his chair and crossed the room to touch her. He laced his fingers through her hair and draped his other hand across the small of her back. He tilted her head back, kissing her neck and nipping gently at her exposed skin.

“You’re right. I want to rip this off of you, but I can’t even begin to describe to you how arousing this outfit is. You never have to wear something that you’re not comfortable in, but I assure you it’s a pleasurable experience on my end,” he breathed into her ear, tightening his grip around her waist.

“Oh fuck,” She whispered, his bulge rubbing against her, causing her to gasp in repsonse. “Please, let’s talk later, and fuck now. I need you now, Liam.”

“Say no more, beautiful.” He swept her up and brought her to the bedroom, slamming the door behind them with his foot.

He dropped her onto the bed, and shimmied off his coat jacket, hanging it on the back of the wall.

“You’re so adorable, Liam. In the midst of a heated moment, you still have the mind to hang your coat up carefully so that it doesn’t crease before fucking my brains out,” she giggled.

Liam scrunched his nose up in confusion. “I can be reckless.” He threw his coat on the ground, but after a few seconds of eye contact with Elliott, where she could tell how absolutely tormented he was, he snatched it by the lapels.

Elliott howled with laughter as Liam hung it up carefully, brushing off the dirt.

“You always manage to be right, Elliott,” he softly smiled, unbuttoning his top buttons slowly. “But I don’t mind.” His arms flexed as he rolled his sleeves up. “As long as you don’t mind that I’m a little reckless in private, that’s all that matters.”

Her heart raced as he left the room and returned with the box of toys. Although she’d committed Liam’s body and their sexual encounters to memory, she still found herself enthralled with him like it was the first time they met.

He sat on the bed next to Elliott’s lace-clad body, and tucked a hair behind her ear. “Are you okay with me trying some of the toys out on you? I want to make sure you’re completely comfortable with it before trying anything.”

She smiled, nodding. “Yes.”

He pulled a small handheld vibrator out of the box, just small enough to fit on a finger. “First things first, I want to taste you.”

Her lower stomach clenched and ached as he grabbed her thighs and pulled her to the edge of the bed, parting her legs. Before she could throw out a sexy quip, he had taken advantage of the crotchless design by plunging his tongue into her folds, stroking relentlessly.

She moaned and dug her hands into his hair, tugging at his dark strands. He in turn rumbled against her clit, sending shockwaves through her body.

“Liam, please,” she breathed, feeling his hand on her stomach, holding her bucking hips in place.

He knew exactly what she wanted; he always read her cues perfectly. He slid a finger into her, curling it the way Elliott loved. He moved his hand and tongue in unison, the similar paces bringing her close to the edge.

Just as she was about to release, he pulled away, slipping the vibrator on his fingers. “Is it alright if I try this out on you now?”

She nodded, her body eager for his touch. He massaged her clit slowly with his fingers, keeping in time with the laggard pace of his other fingers pumping in and out of her.

The strong vibration mixed with the pressure of his fingers sent Elliot into another world. Her eyes rolled back, and she focused on the image of Liam’s naked physique, his head between her legs…

Before she knew it, her legs were shaking. Liam kissed her softly, and reached into the box again, but she placed a hand on his wrist lightly. “We have all weekend to play with them. I need you in me now.”

His pupils dilated even further, and he nodded, standing up to slip off his clothes. Although she’d seen him bare numerous times, it never failed to amaze her that the man whose heart belonged to her was so breathtaking. His body looked as it was crafted by the gods themselves, chiseled to perfection, undoubtedly due to his strict fitness and diet regimen.

He grabbed a condom from the box of toys, but before he could tear it open, she stopped him. “Could we… go without one this time? I’m on birth control.”

She wanted so desperately to tell him the whole truth, but she decided she’d wait until the time was right. It would sound like an irrational decision to him, but she had thought it out nearly every day since she left Cordonia for the first time.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, but… I’ll pull out. Just in case.” He looked unsure, but lowered himself onto the bed next to her anyways.

“If you don’t want to, you don’t have to. I just thought,” she shook her head. “Nevermind.”

“No, please continue. Don’t ever feel like you can’t be honest with me, Elliott.” He touched her cheek softly.

“The only time we had sex without protection was our first time in the garden, remember?” She smiled softly, reminiscing.

“Of course I remember, my love. It’s one of my favorite times that we’ve been together.”

“Oh, so you’re ranking them now?” She smirked.

“Definitely not. Every time is special, but that one was even more special to me.”

“I was thinking we could kind of recreate the night.”

His eyes twinkled, full of love for the woman he could never fully give himself to. It was depressing, but Elliott pushed those thoughts behind her horniness and flipped on top of him.

“I love when you take charge, El,” he said, his voice verging on a growl.

“You’ve never used that nickname. What gives?” She tried joking, but his bare shaft pressed between her legs was distracting to say the least.

“I don’t know, I thought it was cute,” he shrugged. “I won’t call you that if you don’t like it.”

“No, I love it,” she breathed, and began grinding her hips against his. His grip on her hips tightened, and she leaned forward, kissing him deeply.

He grabbed his dick and rubbed his tip against her opening, teasing her. “You’re a tease.”

He pressed his hips upwards, entering her. Her body shuddered with pleasure as her walls adjusted to his size.

“Fuck, you feel so good,” he groaned, as her hips moved lazily against his.

“It’s so weird hearing you curse, King Liam,” she whispered in his ear, kissing his neck.

His fingers dug into the flesh of her hips. “I’ve never been aroused by a title before, but I have to say that ‘King Liam’ sounds delectable coming from your lips.”

He moved his hands to grip underneath her ass, lifting and lowering her the length of his shaft. She mewled in response, her legs tightening their grip around his middle. “I’ll call you whatever you want as long as you speed it up,” she purred.

He picked up the pace, deepening his thrusts. All of her worries of the future were a fading blip, her sole focus on pleasuring and being pleasured by Liam.

Before she knew it, he’d flipped her, raised her hips, and pounded into her from behind. “Oh,” she cried, her guttural moan muffled by the thick down pillow.

He sped up, his skin smacking against hers relentlessly, the sounds of ecstasy filling the room. She turned back to gaze at him through half lidded eyes, and was met with Liam’s sultry concentrating face. She’d seen it many times before, when discussing security issues with Bastien, but never in this context.

She felt herself getting wetter and wetter at the sight of him getting off inside of her. She was the one pleasuring him behind the scenes. She was the one exploring parts of him the public would never see, much less Madeleine. She got to see a side of Liam that not a single soul would ever experience. It gave Elliott a new sense of security, despite the harrowing situation they were in.

He reached into the box again and grabbed a handheld vibrator she hadn’t seen before. “I’m close, my love, and I want to make sure you’re there with me,” he panted, before switching it on.

He tried handing it to her, but instead, she guided his hand between her legs. “Oh fuck, El,” he cursed, sweat trickling down his clean shaven chest.

He leaned over her, keeping his fast pace, and placed the quivering toy between her folds. She arched her back in response, pushing herself further into the pillow.

The sensation of the vibrator mixed with getting fucked brought her to the edge quickly, and she released, her body convulsing beneath Liam’s. She shrieked his name, clutching the sheets. “Oh, Liam, fuck.”

He quickly followed her, his pace becoming more jerky as he came with her. “Fuck, I love you, Elliott,” he shouted. The deep commanding bass of his voice reverberated off the stone walls.

When they could finally move, Liam plopped next to her, spooning her while peppering soft kisses across her neck and shoulders.

She couldn’t have imagined herself anywhere else in that moment but Liam’s arms.

----

After they cleaned up, Elliott threw on a robe and flopped onto the couch, turning on the TV to browse through channels.

He sat next to her shortly after, clad with sweats and a plain t-shirt. “This might be a terrible time, but we need to discuss something rather difficult.”

“That phrasing definitely scares me, but go ahead,” she joked, turning the TV off.

“We’re being pressured to pursue producing an heir,” Liam shook his head, pain and regret dripping off of his every syllable.

“Wh… What?” She forced out. Her knees wobbled, the air knocked out of her lungs. She knew it was coming, but not this soon after the wedding.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, his hands balled into fists at his side.

“Why? You just got married! I thought we’d have a couple years at least!” she said, her voice hiking up an octave.

“With Constantine passing away and the terrorist attacks, there’s still some uneasiness within the people and nobles. They’re not sure that we’re still stable as a country. It’s more for the benefit of our image than anything. Trust me, I’ve held off as long as I could.” He couldn’t meet her eyes.

“Are you going to have to fuck her?” Elliott’s voice quivered, her breath unsteady. She didn’t know if she was ready for the answer.

His eyes widened. “No, Elliott, I would never. We don’t have feelings for each other like that. The public doesn’t need to know that we’re not having intercourse.”

Elliott’s chest loosened a bit, but she was still cautious as she waited for him to continue. “We’re either opting for adoption, or artificial insemination. There’s not a fertility issue with either of us, but we’re both not capable of sex with each other. It just can’t happen.” He held her gaze, pleading with her to understand.

“I–I can’t continue this if you’re going to have a child with her, Liam. I’d be a homewrecker. I can’t let you be that kind of dad to your kid,” Elliott shook her head, tears freely falling.

His jaw dropped, and he staggered back. “Elliott, my love, I–”

“I know you love me, and I know that I love you. I know that life is going to be so fucking hard without each other, but I can’t do this to your future kid,” she sobbed, sinking into the couch. “You and Madeleine may have consented to our relationship, but your child didn’t sign up for this. Imagine if they found out about us? He’d think so little of you. I can’t have that.”

Her shoulders shook, her breath heaving in and out of her lungs shakily. She was experiencing a loss like she’d never felt before. She could stay with the love of her life in order to satiate her desire to be with him, but at the expense of horrendous guilt, knowing she could possibly break a family up and warp Liam’s future child’s perception of him.

If they stayed together, and the public found out about them, he’d be painted as the bad guy, even though Madeleine encouraged the affair. She’d throw him to the wolves, and he’d be absolutely obliterated by the press.

There wasn’t a winning solution to this problem. They were going to have to do what was best for everyone else, instead of what they truly wanted.

“I’m so sorry, Liam, but I can’t do this. I love you, but I can’t do this anymore,” she repeated and the excruciating pain in her chest continued.

“Elliott, we can figure it out, I know we can–”

“We can’t, Liam! This is it! This is the last time you’re going to see me!” She shouted, her voice trembling and unstable.

“We can still be friends,” he said softly, kneeling next to her trembling form on the couch. “I still want you in my life no matter what, Elliott.”

Anger flashed through her disjointed train of thought. Before she could gather them together, she unleashed her momentary rage on him.

“You’re really that selfish, Liam? You’re that fucking selfish that you could want to maintain the picture perfect life and get everything you could ever want, while keeping me on a short leash? To be there for you emotionally, physically, sexually, but I get nothing in return?” She stood up, pushing an accusatory finger into his exposed chest.

“I have to work under a pen name because of everything that happened. You can’t even Google my government name without reading about how much of a whore I am. I risked my whole life and career to be with you, and you didn’t have the decency to publicly defend me. You just sided with everyone else except for the woman you supposedly ‘love’,” Elliott continued, pushing a tormented Liam closer and closer to the door.

“I have to fly back home when you’re done with me and leave all of my closest friends. This is my real home. I have people who love me and care for me here. I fell in love with Cordonia, its people, and you. But I’m pretty much a prisoner in a dungeon every time I come over,” she rolled her eyes, refusing to shut her mouth and let Liam speak. “All for sex. All for a quick fuck and less than 48 hours of your time before I’m shuttled off back to the cold, heartless city of New York.”

Liam opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Elliott suddenly cackled, cutting off any attempt of him speaking.

“I forgot to tell you that I landed a book deal with a huge publishing company in the city. They want a few novels out of me. They loved my first rough draft of my book so much that they offered me a multi-book deal,” she smiled, shaking her head.

“That’s incredible, baby–”

“I was excited to tell you and instead all I can think about is how by the time I get my first book printed and released, you’ll have a kid. A family,” Elliott walked away from Liam, and sat at the kitchen table, taking a long swig from the champagne bottle.

After a long moment of silence between them, Liam finally spoke. “I know it seems like the universe is fighting us tooth and nail. I know that this situation is the worst we could be in. But Elliott,” he sat down across from her and lifted her chin up with his finger, “You’re the only woman I’ll ever love, and I won’t give up on this unless you tell me to leave you alone.”

“You know I don’t want to tell you to leave me alone. That’s the last fucking thing I want to do, but that’s how it has to be. You’re being selfish right now, Liam. You’re allowed to be selfish sometimes. This whole situation was selfish, but I guess it was okay since Madeleine okay-ed it,” she took another deep drink from the bottle. “But your child is completely innocent. They don’t deserve to be caught up in your selfish decisions.”

He flinched, and his form deflated. “I think… you might be right, El.” He leaned back in his chair, his eyes glistening. “I guess it was absurd to think this affair would last forever.”

She smiled sadly. “It was fun while it lasted.”

“I’ll always love you, El. I’ve always been truthful about that. You’re the only woman I’ll ever love.”

She leaned forward to cup his face in her palm. “I’ll never love anyone the way I love you, Liam.” She took another gulp of the alcohol. ��I guess now that you’re confessing, I’ll have to confess, too.”

His brows furrowed as he waited for her to continue.

“I have an appointment with my OBGYN next week. I’ve always wanted one, but I’ve been seriously contemplating a hysterectomy for months now. Since you married Madeleine, really.”

“What? Why?” His eyes widened in surprise.

“I can’t see myself with children, but I can with you. You’re the only man I could ever picture having children with,” her eyes filled with tears. “It’s not a punishment to myself. I just know in my heart I’ll never want children again.”

His eyes brimmed with tears threatening to spill. “I’m so sorry, Elliott.”

Her chin wobbled as the truth of the situation finally set in. She was no longer his, and he was no longer hers. The crown disrupted the fate of the lovers, and there was no amendment.

----

#choicesfebruarychallenge #trr #the royal romance #king liam #liam rhys #n*sfw #jade writes choices fics

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missroserose · 4 years

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coronavirus meme

Cross-posted from Dreamwidth. Feel free to answer the questions yourself! I’d love to hear how you’re doing, and what better time to make something go viral...?

1. Are you an essential worker? Nope. I have Opinions on who is and isn't classified as essential and how much they're (not) being compensated for their risks, but ultimately there's not much I can do about that, other than tip generously when I do things like order delivery. Regardless, massage is pretty low on the list of essential services, so I was laid off two weeks into quarantine. 2. How many drinks have you had since the quarantine started? Recently a friend asked what I'd been doing to cope, and the snarky-but-uncomfortably-truthful answer that immediately came to mind was "drinking". So I'll let y'all draw your own conclusions. 3. If you have kids, are they driving you nuts? No kids. 4. What new hobby have you taken up during this? Other than curling in an anxiety ball and constantly refreshing news and social media? Um. Well, I saw a post on Pillowfort about a local papercrafting store that was doing $50 grab bag orders where they'd stuff a box full of supplies and send them to you. Figuring now might not be a bad time to get back into papercrafting, I went ahead and ordered one; it came with a rather nice A5-size planner and a number of stickers/inserts/what have you. I've started browsing through the Instagram planner community and am working on a plan (hah!) to start my own account/YouTube channel...I figure, since creative work is all I can really do right now and my biggest trouble with consistently finishing creative work is the lack of structure, maybe this'll help me get my butt in gear? Or it'll become another project that disappears off the radar. But hey, at least it'll give me something to focus on in the interim. I'm pinkpunkplanner on Instagram, if anyone wants to follow along. I've also been cooking more. It's never been my favorite hobby but it's become weirdly calming. 5. How many grocery runs have you done? Two. So far we've stuck entirely to Trader Joe's, since that's where our cat food comes from and we've been able to get everything else we need there. I suspect a Costco trip is upcoming, however. 6. What are you spending your stimulus check on? Already dumped it onto our credit card, where it nicely made up for my lost income this month. We'll see if the Illinois unemployment office ever gets back to me about my claim. 7. Do you have any special occasions that you will miss during this quarantine? Nothing that immediately comes to mind, so long as my family all stays healthy. I'm going to be rather upset if my mother or grandmother fall sick, though, given that I skipped visiting Alaska last year for financial/time reasons and indeed had plans to visit in April but...well. 8. Are you keeping your housework done? Ish? Enough to be functional, nowhere near what my mother would approve of. 9. What movie have you watched during this quarantine? Several, in fact. I saw The Birdcage and Her for the first time, both of which I suspect are going to become favorites. Jojo Rabbit I was slightly disappointed by; it was cute but didn't feel quite as narratively coherent as some of Waititi's other work. The new version of Emma was absolutely sumptuous. Brian and KC suggested your name. one night, which was stunningly beautiful. I've watched both Ladyhawke and Portrait of a Lady on Fire with friends via voice chat; the former is a perennial favorite and the latter also beautiful in a very minimalist way. Probably some others I've forgotten. 10. What are you streaming with? iTunes, Netflix, and Hulu, possibly with a little Amazon Prime and Crunchyroll mixed in. 11. 9 months from now is there any chance of you having a baby? A miniscule one, I suppose. 12. What's your go-to quarantine meal? I've made this roasted-root-vegetables-and-chickpeas dish a few times. If you don't have a NYT subscription, it's really simple: Take a pound and a half of root vegetables (I use sweet potatoes and carrots), chop into pieces of roughly equal thickness, pour onto a sheet pan, season with salt, pepper, thyme if you have it, add enough olive oil to coat generously. Stir together. Roast for 30 minutes at 350. While they roast, open a can of chickpeas, drain and rinse, toss with olive oil and whatever spice mixture that you've had sitting in the back of the cupboard intending to use (I have an Indian-flavored one that's been excellent). Add to the pan with the vegetables, give everything a stir, raise oven temperature to 425 and roast another 15 minutes. Mix together some yogurt (2/3 cup seems about right), salt, fresh garlic, and any seasonings you feel like adding; when the vegetables come out, serve them in dishes with yogurt sauce dolloped on top. Delicious, warm, filling, and reasonably healthy. 13. Is this whole situation making you paranoid? The problem with not knowing the extent of the threat is that we can't really know the line where anxiety becomes paranoia. This may be directly contributing to my current mental health state. 14. Has your internet gone out on you during this time? No, thankfully. RCN's been sending out regular updates about the upgrades they've been implementing, and I've seen solid evidence (trucks with workers, improved physical infrastructure) that this is the case. One building down the street from us has two junction boxes, one labeled "RCN" and the other "Comcast". The RCN one is neatly wired with everything aligned and secured and all superfluous cabling removed. The Comcast one...well, I'll let Adam speak for me on that one. 15. What month do you predict this all ends? See above re: uncertainty. One of the things giving me anxiety is the sheer fucking hubris of the people in power making noises about "acceptable losses" in reopening the economy before we have anything like a robust testing/contact tracing/protection system in place. Does the economy exist to serve humanity, or do humans exist to be ground up in the machine of economic progress? I suspect we're quickly learning where the bulk of the USA lands on that spectrum. 16. First thing you’re gonna do when you get off quarantine? It probably says a lot about my current mental state that I can't really picture it. But "make arrangements to go visit my family" is likely high on the list. "Spend some quality time with my boyfriend" is also up there, assuming we're still together. 17. Where do you wish you were right now? Somewhere in 2021 or 2022, so I could get the uncertainty out of the way, take stock of the situation, begin the grieving process, and work on putting my new life together. 18. What free-from-quarantine activity are you missing the most? Looking at other people as potential friends and loved ones instead of potential vectors. 19. Have you run out of toilet paper and hand sanitizer? Funny story—I signed up for a subscription about a year and a half ago from Who Gives A Crap, and in order to get the best price I just got the largest (48-roll) box and, when they email me about the next installment, I delay until we need it. So our latest box came in...at the start of March. As for hand sanitizer, I barely use it (I prefer hand washing, it's less drying if you have good soap), so the stuff we have will probably last for months. 20. Do you have enough food to last a month? Probably, although the cats would be pretty skinny.

#about me #covid-19 #mental health #memes

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badchoicesposts · 5 years

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Don’t Dream It’s Over Chapter 6

Series Summary: Liam and Ali thought that their relationship was perfect, but their whole world came crashing down when Constantine called him back to Cordonia. Four years later they meet again at Liam’s bachelor party, determined to make things between them work even if it isn’t always easy.

In this AU, Liam and MC (Ali Moonessar) dated for a year in New York while Leo was still crown prince. They broke up when Constantine asked Liam to come back to Cordonia, but they meet again at Liam’s bachelor party before the social season. The story will contain flashbacks, which will be italicized, of their relationship and follow them as they try to navigate the season with Ali as a suitor. I’ve messed around with the timeline a bit so that it fits the story better. I’ve also added in a few OCs of my own.

Pairing: Liam x MC (Ali Moonessar)

Word Count: 3,665

Song Inspiration: Old Money- Lana Del Rey

DISCLAIMER: Some of Bertrand’s dialogue is taken from TRR Book 1 Chapter 4. I’ve also changed up the timeline of the social season a bit to fit my story better. I based it off of some research I did on the British Social Season.

Taglist:@flowerpowell, @kingliam2019, @ao719, @emceesynonymroll, @hopefulmoonobject, @dcbbw, @qammh-blog, @liamxs-world, @drakesensworld, @i-only-signed-up-for-fanfiction, @timmagickfrog, @lauradowning29

A/N: This is my first time ever posting a fic. Please let me know if you enjoyed it and would like to read more. I thrive on validation, lol. Thanks for reading!

Catch Up: Masterlist

Ali and Liam were two very different people. There was no doubt about it. They were crazy about each other regardless, but at first glance anyone would believe that they had absolutely nothing in common.

Liam rivaled Luca for the title of the most well-rounded person she had ever met. He was tall, well dressed, and well respected by everyone he met. His blond hair was always annoyingly perfect, even when it had been slept on for the full seven hours of sleep he got every night, and he was good at everything he tried to do. He worked out five days a week and had a natural charm that drew people towards him wherever he went. Liam slept on silk sheets, drank expensive liquor and, worst of all, was a morning person. He was always up early, eager to start his day and be productive. He was typically easy going, but he could take action and control a situation effortlessly when he needed to.

Ali, on the other hand, was the exact opposite. She barely reached five feet tall in the right pair of heels and spent most of her time in sweatpants or leggings because of the insecurities she had about her body. Her workout routine consisted mainly of walking everywhere she needed to go, and she had terrible social anxiety. She had no constant sleep schedule, and at this point, she was practically nocturnal, only being able to get in small amounts of sleep during the day due to her insomnia. She had found her current bed sheets from the discount bin of a department store, and the most she ever spent on alcohol was twenty dollars for a bottle of tequila. She had perfect grades, but she was still constantly stressed about them.

Liam was put together, and on most days she was a hot mess. When she says the words “trust me, I know what I’m doing” there’s about a seventy-five percent chance that she has no idea what she’s doing. However, when he said the same words, she never once doubted him. That is until he decided he could repair the clogged drain in his kitchen sink on his own. Her suspicions were confirmed as she watched the Prince of Cordonia, his nice dress shirt soaked in water, fiddle with a pipe, determined to be “normal”.

“Love, maybe you should just call someone,” she said, raising her voice slightly so he could hear her from where the upper half of his body was lying under the sink.

“I can do this,” he called back, irritation evident in his voice.

“Sure you can,” she mumbled under her breath, taking a seat on a stool in the kitchen. “Have ever even looked at a pipe like that before?”

The banging noises she heard from under the sink was her only response, and she rolled her eyes as she texted Drake to tell him to contact the building’s superintendent. A few minutes passed by in silence before there was a sudden popping sound and Liam’s angry voice filled the room. Ali looked up to see him emerging from under the sink soaking wet, while more water pooled onto the kitchen floor. She wanted to be mad that he had made the situation worse and not given up when he realized that he didn’t know what he was doing, but the sight of him before her made her burst out laughing.

“It’s not funny,” he said, sending a glare in her direction.

“Yes, it is,” she replied when she had finally managed to calm herself down.

He narrowed his bright blue eyes at her, trying his best to stay mad, but he knew that it was a losing battle. He knew that he looked ridiculous.

“I guess we can cross chef and plumber off of your list of potential jobs,” she said, starting to giggle again as she remembered their first date where he tried to cook for her.

“Now stop the water and clean up that mess. The super will be here in the morning.”

Liam watched as his girlfriend ran out of the room before he could get another word in.

~~~

Ali frantically walked back and forth between her bed and her closet, Lana Del Rey’s Old Money playing softly in the background. It was 12:57 AM and Liam’s plane would be leaving in less than ten hours. She had been packing and unpacking her suitcase for the past two hours. Every time she made up her mind to go, something told her to stay, and every time she made up her mind to stay, something told her to go. She looked down at the text on her phone from Maxwell giving her the flight information and started piling things into her suitcase again. She was just about to close it and try to get a few hours of sleep before the flight when she looked over at her nightstand and saw the framed picture of her and all of the Larson siblings that she always kept there. They all had their arms wrapped around each other and were smiling happily into the camera.

“Nope, not going,” she mumbled to herself, hastily pulling things out of the bag and dropping them on the floor.

The sound of a throat clearing behind her caused her to stop what she was doing and turn around.

“Oh, hey, Luc. I didn’t know that you were still up,” she said.

“Yeah, I was just about to turn in for the night when I saw your light on. I assume by this mess that you haven’t made a decision yet.”

“I’m not going,” she tried to say firmly.

Luca sighed and made his way further into her room.

“You should go,” he said softly.

“I should?” Ali asked, sitting down on the bed.

“If a part of you didn’t want to then you wouldn’t be having such a hard time making the decision. If it all works out you could have everything you’ve ever wanted. You owe it to yourself to go.”

Ali groaned and dropped to her back, her legs still dangling off the side of the bed.

“What if we’re too different? It’s been forever since we were together. What if it doesn’t work out? What about everything here?” she asked, staring up at the ceiling.

Luca walked over to her and grabbed both of her hands in his before pulling her back up into a sitting position.

“You worked so well together because you were different. You balanced each other out. You made each other happy. Besides, if things still don’t work out, you’ll always have a place to come home to,” he said softly.

He kissed her forehead lovingly before leaving the room, the door closing behind him quietly.

~~~~~~~~~~

Ali was clutching the handle of her bag tightly in her hand as she ran as fast as she could through the airport, cursing herself for being so out of shape. After speaking with Luca she still hadn’t been able to properly make up her mind until the last possible second and now there was only five minutes until the plane left. She caught sight of Charlie’s red hair and sighed in relief when he turned around and saw her.

“I knew you would come,” he said, a bright smile breaking out across his face. He was standing next to Bastien, both dressed in grey suits.

“Yeah,” she huffed out, trying desperately to catch her breath, “Back on duty, I see.” She motioned to his uniform with one hand, the other clutching her side as she gasped for air.

“Yes, but we can talk about that later. There’s someone waiting for you on that plane,” he said, motioning for her to board the plane.

“Right,” she said, taking a deep breath and beginning to walk slowly.

Bastien and Charlie were following closely behind her, and the reality that she couldn’t turn back was now hitting her. Upon entering the private plane she saw Drake, Ben, Maxwell, and Leo all lounging casually on large leather seats. Liam had been anxiously pacing up and down the aisle but had immediately stopped at the sound of their footsteps. A large smile broke out over his face at the sight of her.

“You came,” he said.

“Yeah, I did,” she said, fighting her own smile as she launched herself into his arms.

He held her tightly and for a moment all of the doubts she had about leaving New York disappeared. Leo and Maxwell shared a pleased look as the two took their seats next to each other. The plane began to take off, and Ali felt surprisingly calm as she looked out the small window.

“Are you excited?” Maxwell asked her happily, pulling her out of her thoughts.

“Um, yeah… that’s one word for it,” she said awkwardly.

“You’ll be amazing,” Liam said, bringing her hand up to his lips and gently kissing her knuckles.

“You two are disgusting,” Ben joked, prompting a laugh from the group.

They were well on their way to Cordonia now and Maxwell took the opportunity to begin explaining to her what would be happening when they arrived.

“For the next few weeks you’ll stay at the Beaumont estate in Ramsford with my brother Bertrand and I,” Maxwell said.

“Is your brother anything like you?” Ali asked him.

Drake scoffed slightly, causing Ali to raise her brows in question.

“What Drake means is that Bertrand can be kind of… strict. He’s not exactly happy that I’m bringing in a suitor that doesn’t know anything about court or nobility,” Maxwell said with a cringe, “But that just means that we’ll have to spend the next few weeks turning you into a proper lady of the court.”

“Sounds like fun.” Ali tried to force a smile on her face, but it came out as more of a grimace.

“That’s the spirit!’ Leo laughed, ending his sentence with a good-natured clap to her shoulder.

“Once the social season starts, we’ll be spending most of our time at the palace. Most of the nobility live there during the season, including the ladies vying for Liam’s hand,” Maxwell continued.

“Yeah, living under one roof makes it easier to attend the rose ceremony later,” Drake mumbled under his breath.

Ali snorted before stopping to pull herself together.

“Sorry, that probably wasn’t very ladylike,” she said sarcastically.

“You’re no lady of the court,” Drake said.

“I’m going to take that as a compliment,” she said.

“Trust me, it is.”

The two locked eyes for a moment, having a silent conversation. Drake had played a part in convincing her to come, but she also knew how he felt about court and the people there. He always said that Liam was the only one of them that was worth a damn. She knew that Drake wanted to protect her, but there was also a certain edge to his voice as he said those words that she couldn’t quite place.

“Drake,” Liam said, a warning tone in his voice. Ali looked between the two for a moment before Maxwell broke through the tense silence.

“As I was saying, the social season typically lasts for about five months. There are usually a few large events like balls that the entire court attends and there are some smaller events like dinner parties that are invitation only.”

“Not gonna lie, that sounds like… a lot,” Ali said.

“Trust me it is,” Drake said, running his fingers through his hair.

Everyone began to break off into their own conversations and Ali turned to Liam to find him already looking down at her.

“Liam, I’m kind of scared,” she said, chuckling half-heartedly.

She looked down at her hands and began anxiously picking at the skin on the side of her nail.

Liam tilted her head so that she was looking up into his eyes before moving his hand to cup the side of her face, his thumb gently stroking her cheek.

“I know, but I meant it when I said that you’ll be amazing. This is a big adjustment, and I’m afraid I may not be able to be with you as much as I would like to, but you will always have my support. You are the strongest and most capable woman I know, Ali. I don’t doubt for a second that you’ll do great things,” he replied.

Ali smiled and leaned into him as their lips met in a gentle kiss. She rested her head onto his shoulder and felt her eyes closing before falling into a dreamless sleep.

She opened them a while later to the feeling of Liam shaking her awake. Her head was still on his shoulder and their fingers were entwined together. At some point during her nap he had removed her glasses and was now trying to hand them to her.

“We’ll be landing soon. If you look out the window you’ll see Cordonia,” he said with a smile.

She turned her head sleepily and gazed out the window at the land below them. In her still half asleep state, she could just make out twinkling lights against the landscape.

“Wow.”

“Home sweet home,” Drake sighed, looking out the window as well.

Ali groaned as she watched everyone begin to exit the plane one by one. The position she had been seated in had put a strain on her back, and as she tried to stretch it out, the pain only intensified.

“Maxwell, can you give us a minute alone please,” Liam asked politely, pulling her out of her thoughts as she continued to stretch. The other man, who had been waiting for his new friend, nodded and exited.

Even though she knew they were alone, the thought of everyone else just a few steps away gave Ali the feeling that she was being watched. She didn’t have much time to ponder on this fact, however. Liam grabbed her hips and pulled her so that her body was pressed flush against his, all thoughts of the rest of the group automatically leaving her mind. His lips crashed roughly into hers, and she found herself grabbing onto his arms to steady herself. She moaned softly against his mouth as she felt his tongue against her bottom lip.

“Um, guys?” Charlie said hesitantly.

They jumped away from each other immediately, Ali’s hand going up to cover her mouth as she looked anywhere but at the red-haired man in front of her and Liam loudly clearing his throat. Charlie stood there uncomfortably for a moment before speaking again.

“We need to head out.”

With one more gentle kiss and whispered ‘I love you’, Ali got into the large black car with Maxwell and stared at Liam’s retreating form.

“You’ll see him again,” he said, patting her shoulder in a comforting manner.

“Yeah,” she said, staring out the window at the passing trees, “I know you said your brother isn’t exactly excited that I’m going to be representing House Beaumont, but what exactly am I walking into with him?”

Maxwell seemed to ponder her words for a moment.

“Well, Bertrand’s been a little more stressed than normal lately, so it may take some time, but I’m sure he’ll warm up to you eventually.”

“Yeah, that doesn’t exactly make me feel any better.”

Conversation with Maxwell flowed easily. Even though she had only known his for a few days, Ali found herself completely comfortable with him, and she felt as if she could tell him anything. The car ride passed by in a series of laughs and before she knew it, they were pulling up to the large Beaumont Estate.

“Wow,” Ali found herself saying for the second time in an hour, “Maxwell, this place is gorgeous.”

The grounds of the large house definitely looked like it was fit for nobility, and Ali stepped out of the car trying to imagine what the inside looked like. Maxwell had already made it to the trunk of the SUV and was trying to somehow carry all of his bags and her own at the same time.

“Yup, that’s home,” he replied, his voice strained as he tried to support the weight of their things.

“Max, you know I can carry my own bags, right?” she said with a laugh, making her way over to help him.

“What kind of gentleman would I be if I let a lady carry her own bag?”

Ali playfully rolled her eyes and took her luggage from him.

“I promise I won’t tell anyone,” she said sarcastically.

The large front doors of the house were made of intricately carved wood and pushed open to reveal a large foyer. The ceiling rose high above her head, and an antique chandelier kept the area brightly lit.

“Follow me. I’ll show you to your room, and then we can find Bertrand,” Maxwell said and began leading her up the large staircase.

As he led her through various hallways, Ali had to mentally keep track of every turn that they took so that she wouldn’t get lost later. However, as large and spectacular as the home was, she couldn’t help but notice that there were no people in sight.

“This is my room,” Maxwell said, gesturing to an unopened door as they passed it, “And that’s yours.”

He pointed to a door that was right down the hall from his and allowed her to walk ahead so that she could open it.

“Oh my god,” Ali said, taking the large four poster bed and the bedding that probably cost more than she made in a year at the bar.

“Yes, I’m sure the room is probably quite spectacular for someone of your tastes,” came a voice from behind them.

Ali turned around, not sure whether or not to be offended. The man who had spoken looked like every boring history professor stereotype that she had ever heard combined into one. He was covered in tweed from head to toe and had large, leather elbow patches on his jacket. There was a scowl on his face as he looked her up and down.

“He doesn’t mean anything by that,” Maxwell said quickly, trying to cover for him. “Bertrand, this is the one I was telling you about… Ali!”

“This is the girl you’ve chosen to represent our house?” Bertrand asked.

A skeptical look crossed his features, and Ali suddenly became very aware of the fact that her curls were ruffled from sleeping on the plane and that she was wearing an old hoodie that she had taken from Cole and was probably three sizes too big. She tugged at the hem of it self-consciously and smiled awkwardly at the man in front of her.

“Yep! Nailed it right?” Maxwell said, smiling widely. “Ali, this is my older brother, Bertrand.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Bertrand,” Ali said politely.

“The proper way to address a duke is ‘Your Grace’,” Bertrand responded stiffly.

“Oh, right! I’m so sorry, Your Grace,” Ali said, her cheeks heating up. She hadn’t even been in Cordonia for an hour and she was already making mistakes.

“At least it looks like you can be trained.”

Ali clenched her jaw at his words.

“Trained? I’m not your pet!” she said, anger rising in her voice.

Bertrand met her gaze and the two stared at each other for a moment.

“Maxwell, a word in private,” he said, turning and walking out the door.

Maxwell shot her a strained smile and followed his brother, shutting the door behind them. She could just barely hear their voices through the door, and although their words were muffled, she knew that the conversation was about her. Ali sighed and looked up at the ceiling, wondering what she was getting herself into. The door reopened, and a flustered Maxwell and a red-faced Bertrand reentered.

“It seems that we’re stuck with you,” Bertrand says, once again looking her over.

“If me being here really is that much of an issue I can just go, and your family can choose some other girl to sponsor,” Ali said, crossing her arms.

She didn’t expect things to be easy. She knew that there would be people who didn’t support her in Cordonia, but Bertrand was supposed to be her sponsor, and she was getting tired of his attitude. They had only known each other for five seconds, and he was already saying that she wasn’t good enough.

“No! You can’t go. We’ve already chosen you, so if you leave we’ll have no one. Besides, you could be Liam’s only chance of finding actual happiness. I’ve seen the way you look at each other. You’re the only person that he’s ever loved,” Maxwell said, pleading with her.

Ali uncrossed her arms and sighed, her features softening at his words. These actions didn’t go unnoticed by the duke who was now looking at her curiously.

“Perhaps Maxwell didn’t fully explain this to you, but if our house puts forth the Prince’s choice, we’ll win fame and recognition,” he began.

“Something we could really use right now actually, ‘cause we’re kind of broke,” Maxwell finished.

“Maxwell! You overstep,” Bertrand said angrily.

Ali looked between the two brothers.

“There’s no shame in being broke,” she said softly, “Do you guys get money if I marry Liam?”

“Not… directly, but we can leverage the prestige to great effect. It would be a scandal if word got out of our financial ruin,” Bertrand said.

Ali could tell that they were in a difficult situation, and although Bertrand only seemed to be concerned with her marrying Liam so she could help with their finances, she could tell that Maxwell had pure intentions.

“I love Liam and want to be with him, and I want to help you guys as much as I can. So, if that means not talking back to Bertrand and learning how to be a lady of the court then fine. I’ll do it,” she said.

#the royal romance #trr #the royal heir #trh #liam x mc #the royal romance fic #trr fic #liam x mc fanfic #liam #king liam #my fics #choices fics #choices #playchoices #playchoices fic #king liam fanfic #the royal romance fanfic #liam fic #playchoices fanfic

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ballofstring66fanfic · 5 years

Text

Daisy Chain

A “Daisy Chain” is a booby trap consisting of multiple explosive devices wired to a single detonator.

For the #FREAKY500WC writing challenge set by @thefvcker-tucker

[my main blog is @icouldkillyouwiththistray

Staff Sergeant William James [Jeremy Renner] & female OC witch/shapeshifter

Prompt - “There’s looking for trouble and there’s begging.”

[[This could well have more chapters - I can’t create a master list unfortunately as tumblr has gone very weird on me - my browser now does not give me access to see or manage my pages so I’m a bit stuck. ]]

***********************************************************************************************

Daisy Chain - Chapter one

James. Do you copy? James! We need you back here do you copy?

Copy that. Gimme a minute Sanborn. Looking into something.

Staff Sergeant William James has his M4 jammed into his shoulder, the sun in his eyes and Sanborn still bleating in his ear.

What do you have Blaster one? Is there a threat?

I don’t know yet. Maybe nuthin’.

Give me your location. Do you copy?

He doesn’t reply. He’s following a noise he heard - an odd sound but only heard briefly - it sounded like sails billowing in the wind.

Maybe nothing.

Maybe something.

Maybe oblivion though something tells him not this time. Not yet. But he has to push towards it. Always. He’s aware that his compulsion breaks Connie’s heart. Is ruining their marriage. Not that they’re married anymore.

He rounds the corner into a quiet Baghdad back alley. The sun is directly in front of him - relentless - casting everything ahead into silhouette. He furrows his brows to get rid of the flies and proceeds - careful footsteps scraping in the sand. He can see the shape of a car blocking most of the width of the alley. There is movement on the bonnet.

Only one, he thinks but there might be more. Adrenalin is firing through him and he fucking lives for that but he knows he should call for back up. The sun moves behind a building as he gets closer and he blinks to clear his vision. He stops where he is and settles the M4 a little better into position. He can handle one insurgent and he’s still far enough away to get out of there if there’s more.

"Get down, get on the ground. Get your hands up!" he barks orders to the figure on top of the car.

"Don’t panic soldier."

He blinks. The figure has a well spoken English accent. Feminine. He can see her outline now. She looks slender. She looks naked. What the hell is going on?

"Get down on the ground now or I will shoot you. I will shoot you in the head."

"I don’t think you want to do that."

She’s perched on the bonnet of a beat up Audi like she’s at a fucking polo match or something - long brown hair swept across one shoulder, knees raised up with her arms draped across them. Her pale skin says she’s western and she has caramel eyes that’s he’s pretty sure he shouldn’t even be able to make out from this distance but their rich, vivid colour seems like the only thing that’s really alive in this sun-bleached, trash alley.

She is as naked as the day she was born. Sitting on a car bonnet in the back street of a goddamned war zone. His mind skips through all the possibilities - she could be a mercenary or a westerner that’s been radicalised? But why naked - it seems like a trap. Social conditioning has brought him up to believe that a naked woman is not going to be a threat - that she should need his protection but his experience and instincts know this whole situation isn’t right. She shouldn’t be here and she doesn’t look like she needs anyone’s protection - there’s no hint of vulnerability - she sits with her ankles crossed on the hood like she’s just exactly where she wants to be.

“Get down from the fucking car. Put your hands behind your head or I will shoot you!”

Why won’t she listen dammit? Is she crazy?

“I’m really comfortable where I am to be honest.”

This is not how it goes. It’s fucked up. It’s fucked up and he doesn’t know what’s going on. He’s weirded out enough to call Sanborn.

This is Blaster one. Blaster Mike do you copy? Sanborn? I need backup I’ve got something

But all he gets in return is static and a broken word or two.

He’s conflicted but he knows his job. As much as loves being close to oblivion - his M4 is still raised and it’s pointing at her.

"Ma’am this is not a fucking tea party I need you to get down off the car and kneel down with your hands behind your head. Now. Or I will fire. I will fire.”

He has to make a call. He has to but he really doesn’t want to shoot an apparently unarmed, naked woman.

Silence hangs in the shimmering heat - sweat runs down his neck and inside his collar as his finger stretches and relaxes back against the trigger.

Time stretches to breaking point then, thank the Lord, she steps down. He sees the puff of sand as her knees hit the dirt and her hands clasp behind her head. Sergeant James exhales and steps closer.

"Okay okay. Ma’am are you in trouble? Are you wired? Is there a bomb on you...?"

His voice is pitched lower and softer now and he looks over her for injuries - signs of abuse. He’s heard of surgically implanted bombs - seen body bombs. He knows of devices placed into breast implants and his eyes travel up and down the kneeling woman but he sees no wounds and her breasts look natural to him. His gaze doesn’t linger - nothing about this situation is sexual.

He wishes he had a jacket or something to cover her with.

Sanborn, do you copy? godfuckingdammitt!

The empty hiss of the radio tells him he is on his own.

"...is there a bomb in the car?" He walks around the vehicle but his experienced eye sees nothing.

"There’s no bomb, Sergeant. Can I put my hands down now?" she asks as if she’s requested he pass the sugar.

His eyes are still scanning his surroundings - alert for any changes - any signs of a potential threat but eventually they come back and settle on the kneeling woman.

"Where are your clothes ma’am? What happened to you?"

Her skin is flawless and he believes she’s telling the truth. He’s checked everything short of a full cavity search.

"Nothing happened to me, I’m fine, the nakedness is just...an occupational hazard. Of sorts." She gives a little shrug.

"Are you a prostitute? Have you been trafficked?"

"Neither of those..."

"Then who the fuck are you? “ He has moved round in front of her again and he needs answers because none of this makes any fucking sense. “Who the fuck ... are you? Because you are very fucking calm for a naked lady in the middle of a war zone."

"I know, I know. There’s asking for trouble and there’s begging right? So...would you believe... your fairy godmother?"

"No I fucking wouldn’t."

"Genie of the lamp?"

"I don’t have a lamp, ma’am."

"Good point, Will."

The muzzle of the M4 suddenly presses hard into her forehead. "I did not tell you my name."

"No you didn’t..."

"Stay down. Stay. DOWN!"

But she ignores him and she’s rising to her feet slowly, hands up and open- pushing the gun barrel to one side with her forearm. Looking at him with those eyes like she can see into his goddamn shitty mess of a soul and he thinks he sees falling stars when he looks back in to them.

"I came here to find you, Will. You’re not at all what I thought you’d be ..."

James do you copy where are you what’s going on?

His radio crackles into life

"Uh."

He drags his eyes away, turns and glances back down the alley as if he expects to see Sanborn come around the corner and when he looks back she’s gone - as if she’d never been there at all.

"James what the fuck are you doing? What did I tell you about turning your radio off?"

Sanborn does come around the corner and finds James standing there with his mouth open. James is never at a loss - the cocky little shit always knows his next move but right now, he looks like he’s seen a ghost.

"You okay, man?"

"Slap me. I need you to slap me, JT."

Sanborn knows his team leader. It’s not the first time he’s hit him and he doesn’t need to be asked twice.

"Okay," he shrugs and obliges.

Will’s head snaps around at the force and he works his jaw to loosen it as he stares at the ground.

"Feel better? What happened here, Will?"

"Thought I saw a naked woman.” He regrets saying it the minute the words start to come out of his mouth and he tries to make it a joke. “Naked, british woman.”

"Well damn, where’d she go?"

"Back into my dreams I guess."

"Thats real cute an all but and we have a job to do so let’s get on with it okay." Sanborn believes Will is bullshitting and shakes his head as he walks away.

Will scuffs the toe of his boot, smudging the outline of the bare foot that’s imprinted in the sand then lifts his head and follows.

Back at the base, Beckham is kicking his ball around in the dust and Will drains his coke and calls him over with the hook of a finger.

“Hey, kid. You know of any british women in the area?”

“I get you DVD’s with women. Lots of women.”

“No, kid, you know - a real woman. A white british woman....” he hesitates then adds, “...naked. She might be wandering around with no clothes on. ”

He thinks Beckham is just going to try and sell him more porn but the kid cocks his head as if he’s thinking.

“Rukk?”

“What? What’s Rukk?”

“Rukk.” Beckham wafts his arms in a flapping motion like a giant bird and his mouth shapes itself into an O to make the accompanying noise.

It sounds like sails billowing in the wind.

#FREAKY500WC #jeremy renner #the hurt locker #william james

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