#i hate not being able to accurately remember what things feel like and make good decisions accordingly

[gremlinbehaviour]

so it turns out I'm fucking stupid

[d0youc0py]

I’ve been seeing so much ex husband price stuff on here and it’s making me drool. So I’m contributing some ex husband/not divorced yet but taking a break for vague reasons but you both still deeply love each other TF 141….Also this is sappy, dramatic and not accurate character portrayal—just let me live in denial!

“Johnathan, it’s 1 am.” You groaned, trying to rub the sleep from your eyes.

“Go back to bed, Honey.” He muttered back quickly. You shot him a glare at the term of endearment. He was balancing a flashlight between his teeth, his back mostly turned to you.

“Are you fixing that window?” You questioned, turning on the overhead light. He must’ve not wanted to wake you. He took the flashlight out of his mouth, looking over his shoulder at you. His chest swelled at the sight of you in one of his shirts. It took every ounce of self restraint not to wrap you up in his arms. “I told you over the phone I hired someone to come and fix it.” You yawned.

“And have some stranger traipsing through the house.” He huffed. You watched as his arms flexed at even the slightest movements. You hated these moments of weakness. It was the same reason why you couldn’t fall asleep unless you were wearing one of his shirts. Or the same reason you would light a cigar like it was incense. The same reason why you always answered his daily calls. Then you’d remember why you wanted a divorce in the first place. It always felt like someone dumping cold water on you.

And thats exactly how you felt now.

“That’s not your problem anymore, John.” You reminded. His blood ran cold. Yet he kept up his unbothered appearance.

“Never a problem, Honey.” He assured, still keeping his back to you. You sighed running a hand over your face.

“I just- I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to just show up whenever you want. It’s my house right? That’s what you agreed to. It’s not just some motel you can show up at whenever you want to feel needed.” You spat. His body was still and ridged. His teeth ached from the tight clenching of his jaw and the pain in his chest was wince worthy.

“I know.” He said slowly. “I just want you to know I’ll always take care of you, Honey.” He began to turn towards you but stopped himself. He couldn’t stand to see the look on your face.

“I don’t need you to take care of me, John.” You continued. “I was able to survive before you and when you left me every other month.” You don’t know why you were being so forceful with him. Maybe it was because you hadn’t physically seen him in a few weeks.

“Well maybe I’m not doing it for you, hmm?” He shot back, finally facing you. His eyes were just as red the day you walked out of the lawyers office. “You made your decision, but that doesn’t mean you just stopped being the most important thing in my life. So yeah, I’m going to drop by if I feel I need to because I vowed to always take care of you and no fucking paper you make me sign is going to take that away from me. If you don’t like that you can get a restraining order.”

He didn’t even have a moment to catch his breath before your hands found their way to his shoulders, pulling him down for a kiss.

“Hey, Cap.” You smiled into your phone. Calls from Price were kinda common- he just liked to check up on you here and there, but you could tell by the sigh on the other end this wasn’t going to be about you.

“Hey, Kiddo.” He started. “I catch you at a good time?” He questioned.

“Yeah, just watching TV. Everything alright?” You questioned back. There was another sigh on his end, and it sounded like he was taking a drag of his cigar.

“No one’s hurt.” He was trying to pick his words carefully. “It’s ’bout Simon, though.”

“Okay.” You responded slowly. Just the mention of Simon’s name had a small tremor rise in your body. It’s not like you had gone no-contact with him. He called you a few times a week just to ask if you needed anything, if anything in the flat needed to be fixed, or just to make sure you locked all the windows before going to sleep. “You’re building up a lot of suspense here, Cap.” You offered a fake chuckle.

“Sorry.” He paused again and you wanted to rip your hair out. “He’s just- I know it’s really none of my business what happened between the two of you but he’s not doing good, Love.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s doing fine work-wise. But I’m worried about him personally. He’s droppin’ weight, smoking a couple packs a day, drinkin’ when he knows he’s not suppose to be. When he’s not doing that he just sits and stares. Johnny has to check his pulse sometimes.” It was his turn to offer you a chuckle. Another pause and drag. A few fat tears rolled down your cheeks and Price ran a hand over his face when he heard you sniffle. “I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but I also know you would get after me if I didn’t. Now you don’t owe him anything, but I think just a call from you would help him out a lot.”

“You think he’s doing this because of me?” You whispered.

“Course.” Price responded immediately. He cringed at himself. “What I mean to say is, you’re that man’s ‘reason.’ You get what I’m saying? Men like me and him need a reason. A reason to come home. A reason to be better. A reason to just get our asses out of bed at the crack of dawn. Like I said you don’t owe him anything, Kiddo, but I think just hearing your voice would do him some good.”

“Thank you, Price. For looking out for him and me.” You said sincerely.

“It’s what I get paid for.” He shot back with a laugh. You rolled your eyes, pressing the big red button after a ‘goodbye’. Your swollen eyes raked over the wedding photos you still had hanging in the living room. You couldn’t not call him. You wondered how long he’d been acting like this. Had he been doing it the whole time you had been separated? You rubbed at your eyes working up the courage to press his contact in your phone.

It only rang once before he answered.

“You alright?” He asked quickly.

“Yeah.” You replied, taking a deep breath. “Just calling to check in.” You said slowly. You heard him breathe a sigh of relief.

“Checkin’ in on me?” He repeated. Your heart ached at the thought that he seemed to think you didn’t care about him.

“That okay?” You urged. He hummed in agreement. “If you’re busy I can call bac”-

“Not busy.” He cut off. “What’ve you been up to?” You heard some shuffling and it sounded like he was getting into bed. You wondered what time it was wherever he was in the world.

“Nothing too interesting. I got a new cat! She’s an older tabby who’s seen some things, but she’s a Sweetheart.” You rambled on smiling.

“She probably thinks she’s in heaven with you.” He snickered. You giggled at his words and his eyes shut tightly trying to soak up every second of it.

“Simon, is there anyway when you get back you could help me move in a new cat tower? They’re all fighting over the one we have.” Using the word ‘we’ had just become habit when talking to Simon. You didn’t even realize you had said it. But you using that word was all the ‘reason’ he needed.

“Of course. I’ll be home Wednesday. That work for you?” His heart was beating out of his chest like it did the very first time he asked you out on a date.

“That’s perfect. I’ll see you then, Si.”

*inaccurate medical rules*

Your leg bounced up and down nervously, your eyes about to burn a hole in the pale blue curtain. You were in an accident- not a major one, but you did receive a concussion.

Johnny was still your emergency contact and according to the nurses he was more than willing to pick you up.

“He’s not entirely my husband.” You began. The nurse raised his eyes from the clipboard for a split second before shrugging.

“Says it in your file and he’s still your emergency contact. He’s already on his way, but do you have anyone else we could call?” His tone was bored and you wondered how many times he had to have this conversation a day. You slowly shook your head. “Well we can’t just let you leave by yourself.” He sighed.

“I know, but I filed for divorce. He just refuses to sign it. Doesn’t that count for anything?” You pleaded. The nurse gave you a sour look.

“I can change your emergency contact so in future accidents he won’t be contacted.” You furrowed your brows at his choice of words.

“Hopefully there won’t be anymore accidents.” Your body stiffened at the all too familiar voice. The curtain was drawn back revealing your husband. He gave you a soft smile and you hated the way it settled your stomach.

“Yeah right, so change your emergency contact or no?” The nurse piqued up. You shut your eyes tightly, shaking your head side to side. You wished the floor would swallow you. The nurse looked between you and Johnny before giving you two some privacy.

“I’m sorry about all this, John.” You sighed standing up. “They wouldn’t let me leave without someone signing for me. If you could just walk me out, I can call an Uber.”

“John?” He repeated, in a whisper. It was probably just intended for himself. His chest tightened. No nicknames. He partly hoped that this experience would’ve softened you. Made you happy to be alive. Make you want to wrap your arms around him and call off the whole ‘divorce’ thing. He can picture all the times you sprawled out on his chest, whispering into his skin how safe you felt with him. Now here you were inching yourself away from him like he would ever hurt you. “I’d rather take you home.” He pressed.

“It’s seriously okay John”-

“Enough with the formalities.” He snipped. Your eyes widened and he groaned at his mistake. “You’re discounting everything we’ve been through together. Treating me like some stranger.” He growled out.

“Well what am I suppose to do? Hmm? You want me to call you ‘Mac’ again. Or any of the other ridiculous nicknames I made up for you? Well I’m not going to do that! You were good to me for so many years, Johnny- please don’t think I have forgotten that. But this last year it’s like I haven’t even existed to you. You’re taking every single job that is thrown your way like you don’t even want to be with me anyone, so I’m just doing what you do obviously want but aren’t going to say.” Your voice shook and tears dropped from your eyes, but you held your ground. His jaw clenched tightly, his eyes red from holding back what you had already given up hiding.

“You think I want this? I”-

“Hey, as much as this has been the highlight of my week, we actually need your bed back.” The nurse interrupted, peaking his head through the curtains. Your flushed but nodded your head in understanding. Johnny was hot on your trail following you out. The cold air felt nice against your heated body and you turned to Johnny waiting for him to make the first step.

“I’m sorry for gettin’ on you in there.” He sighed. He shifted on his feet. “I just miss you.” His eyes refused to meet yours knowing it would cause him to break. He opened and closed his mouth trying to find the words to how desperately he wanted you in his life.

“For a man who loves to talk you sure are having a hard time.” You sniffled, wiping at your still streaming eyes.

That was all he needed to let it out. It was sloppy and unfiltered, but yet it shattered your world and everything you thought you knew about the man and how he felt about you.

You saw him at the store. It wasn’t the first time you had run into him- actually you two seemed to be bumping into each other all over the place. And without hesitation every single time he would flee the scene like you were some bully from high school he ran into. The same thing happened tonight. You both turned into the same aisle, stared at each other for a moment, then he dropped his basket and charged out the door.

You had already made up your mind weren’t going to let him go this easy.

You rushed after him, at a speed walk pace.

“Kyle!” You shouted after him in the parking lot. He was just opening the door to his sleek black car, one of his feet inside already. He paused for a moment, before sliding into the drivers seat. You were able to grab the door handle before he shut it on you.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” He growled, beginning to tug the door back. Your hand gripped the car door and he quickly faltered not wanting to slam it shut on your fingers.

“Just let me talk, please?” You begged. Those same brown eyes that you had spent the best part of your life staring into bore coldly into yours. “I just- We keep running into each other. I just think it’s silly that we keep avoiding each other.”

“Not silly.” He shot back without missing a beat. “You don’t want me anymore, remember?” Your heart dropped.

“Ky, that’s not true”-

“Fucking save it, Y/N. You’re the one who wanted to take a break. Why don’t you just divorce me and get it over with already.” He spat. His face curled in a way that made you want to die.

“Is that what you want?” You asked quietly. He ran his hands up and down his face.

“I’m tired of your games, Lovie.” His voice held no warmth. “I want my partner back. The same person who I vowed to spend the rest of my life with. The same person I vowed to love and protect- but that person doesn’t even seem to be you anymore. I couldn’t imagine just cutting you out of my life the way you did to me. And the fact that you were able to do it fucking terrifies me. Just call me when you figure your shit out.”

He shut the door and you let him.

[jeankluv]

Birdie - Satoru Gojo | Chapter 13

words: 4,3k

summary: While everyone adored him, you stood apart in your feelings. It wouldn't be accurate to say you hated him, as “hate” was a strong word, rather, you harbored a profound dislike towards him. The problem was he knew that and his irritating presence seemed to persistently cling to you whenever he crossed your paths.

Now, you found yourself paired with him for your semester project, and the thought made you wish to hurl yourself out of the third-floor window. Three months of working alongside him loomed ahead. Adding to the discomfort, you were currently under the scrutiny of hundreds of eyes, each gaze feeling like a murder attempt. It seemed everyone coveted the opportunity to collaborate with Gojo Satoru, except for you.

ac: _3aem

tags: modern au, college au, fem!reader, academic rivals, he fell first, fluff, old money Gojo Satoru, abusive parents, slight slow burn, Satoru is a softy, secondary couple (Geto Suguru x oc), a bit of angst, no use of y/n, hurt/comfort, eventual smut, Gojo plays basketball, Gojo needs a hug

notes: I wrote down all the events that I want Birdie to have and the fic might end up being 35-40 chapters long. At first I really thought it was going to be just 20 but as I kept writing chapters, more ideas came and we still have a lot unresolved things, so definitely Birdie will take a bit longer. But thank you to everyone who always comments here or ao3, y’all really make me want to keep writing, but also those who leave likes they also help and make me really happy. Also we are over 400 followers what? 😭 thank you so much ❤️

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“In love?” You questioned still resting your head on her legs.

Kyoto nodded with a smile. “Yes. The way you talked about him, it’s not a simple crush, you realize that right?” She asked.

Did you? Your heart accelerated in your chest, what you felt for Satoru was not a crush or that you simply liked him, were you in love with him? You sat on the bed, feeling a little dizzy from the sudden movement. And you took a deep breath.

“I need to talk with him and apologize for my reaction.” You tried to grab your phone but Kyoko took it from you. 

“The fact that you’re in love with him, doesn’t mean what he did was right.” You nodded. “So don’t apologize for reacting the way you did, you were hurt and that’s okay. What you both need to do is talk things out and leave your boundaries cleare, that way things can work out.” 

“Oh god Kyoko.” You throw yourself at her. “I have never been in love or even in a serious relationship, this is scary.” 

She stroked your hair gently. “Don’t worry, I’m sure you will know what to do. But remember, don't apologize, you didn’t do anything wrong.” You slightly laughed. “And tell him, that if I find you once again crying I will kill him.” 

“My best protector.” You hugged her.

“You know I am.” She hugged you back. “You were there for me when I was at my lowest and I also want to be always with you and take care of you, because you are my best friend.” 

You felt your tears falling down your cheeks. There were not enough words to describe what Kyoko was to you and what it had meant to you that she came into your life. You have changed a lot since you met her and your world has also changed thanks to her. It really was one of the few good things you'd had for a long time, but now, that world of good things was slowly opening up and you just hoped it would keep opening up even more.

You felt your eyes closing little by little and how sleep subtly enveloped you, while you were still hugging Kyoko. 

That night you dreamed. You were able to immerse yourself in a clear world, so much so that you could feel it as real. In this landscape, you found yourself on the shores of a calm lake, whose surface shone under the soft caress of the sunlight. A familiar warmth hugged you, it was the comforting embrace of your mother's smile, a beacon of love and security, that you had long lost. And in the midst of this environment, your attention was focused on a figure kneeling near you, holding with tender care a wounded bird in their hands. The scene unfolded with such clarity and emotion that it seemed more than just a dream, as if it were a memory that your mind had wanted to eliminate from your head.

As the morning light filtered through the curtains, you woke up. Doubt lingered in your mind, questioning the difference between reality and a dream. Was it really a product of the dreams or a forgotten fragment of your mind? Although the images in the dream had felt real, you had not been able to see that other person's face clearly. But what was that feeling of anguish that had settled in your chest? Why did you feel so extremely agitated?

“You up?” You heard Kyoko’s sleepy voice talking, she was stretching herself next to you.

“Yeah…” You smiled softly at her. “Thanks.” You whispered.

“Don’t say it.” She sat next to you. “I’m always here for you.” She gave you a small squish in the hand.

You nodded. “And I’m always here for you too.”  You carefully rose from the comfort of your bed, feeling the stiffness in your muscles dissipate as you stretched your back. "I should start getting ready, I have class at 10." You commented.

Kyoko curled up under the covers and made a moan of reluctance. "Ugh, I just want to stay home all day." She wailed, burying her face in the pillows. “How about we skip class today?”

But you shook your head resolutely, dismissing the idea. "I have to go. I want to talk to Satoru, and if I don't show up, he might get the wrong idea. Communication is key if we want this relationship to work."

A soft smile appeared on Kyoko's lips as she looked at you in admiration. "I'm proud of you." She murmured, her voice filled with affection. “Let's go have breakfast.” With a sudden burst of energy, she jumped out of bed and took your hand, leading you into the kitchen to start the day with a shared meal.

While Kyoko busied herself preparing breakfast, you grabbed your cell phone and checked your latest notifications. There were no messages from Satoru and you understood that he was giving you the space and time you had requested. You felt grateful for his understanding.

Opening his chat, you took a look at the name you had assigned him and couldn't help but smile at how your relationship had taken a 180 degree turn in such a short time. You didn't want to lose what had just started by simply avoiding a small conversation that could clarify everything.

You to Satoru ✨

Can we talk before class today?

Placing your phone on the table, you welcomed the breakfast Kyoko had prepared for the both of you, feeling a mix of anticipation and nerves at the prospect of the impending conversation with Satoru.

Kyoko, noticing the thoughtful expression on your face, asked softly. "Is everything okay?"

You nodded, offering a small smile. "Yeah, I was just thinking about talking to Satoru before class."

"Oh I see." Kyoko's eyes shone with understanding. "I'm sure everything will be fine."

You nodded again, appreciating Kyoko's supportive words. With every bite of breakfast, you found yourself mentally preparing for the conversation that awaited you. The need for clarity and openness with Satoru felt more pressing than ever.

After finishing breakfast, you organized the dishes together with Kyoko. Turning your head you noticed how the screen of your phone lit up. You nervously picked it up and checked what it was.

Satoru ✨

Alright, if you want I can pick you up.

You bite your thumb, hesitant about what to do, but finally decided to follow what your heart told you.

You to Satoru ✨

Sure, I still need to get ready but see you in 40 minutes?

Satoru ✨

Sure see you

With your heart pinching in your chest you locked the phone and walked back to the room. You leaned against your door and sighed deeply, trying to calm your agitated heart. 

You wanted Satoru to get there as soon as possible, you wanted to see him and clarify everything. Your heart was shaking hard thinking about Kyoko's words. It wasn't a simple crush, you were fucking in love with Satoru Gojo and that overwhelmed you in too many ways. 

First of all, the idea terrified you, the stories you knew about love never had a happy ending. Your father abandoned your mother when she was pregnant after swearing eternal love, your grandmother was also abandoned by your grandfather after he found another family. 

You didn't want to have to suffer that abandonment yourself, you had already been alone too many times, you had lost too many people you loved. You didn't want Satoru to take your heart and somehow break it. 

But on the other hand, it was exciting and it filled your heart with complete warmth. And was able to put a smile on your face.

Feeling the weight of fatigue pressing down on your limbs, you backed away from the door and headed towards your closet. As you moved around the room, the warmth of Tokyo spring filtered through the windows. Jackets and long pants gradually were becoming unnecessary as the temperature was starting to rise. 

Looking at your reflection in the mirror, a thought crossed your mind, a memory of the time you wore Kyoko's dress and how Satoru had noticed despite your limited interactions. It was a small, seemingly insignificant moment, but it remained in your memory as a testament to Satoru's care. Smiling at the memory, you finished getting ready and waited for Satoru's call to light up your cell phone, now with a black screen.

Sitting on the edge of your bed, your heart raced with anticipation and nerves tightened in your chest. Time seemed to stretch on endlessly until the familiar melody of his phone's ringtone broke the silence, lighting up the room with Satoru's name displayed on the screen: "Satoru ✨.”

“Satoru…” You greeted, your voice betraying a hint of nerves.

"Birdie..." His normally calm and confident voice wavered slightly. "I'm outside. If you're not ready, I can..."

"No." You interrupted. "I am. I'll be there in ten seconds."

"Alright." He murmured softly, the tension was palpable even through the phone.

With a quick exhale, you ended the call and got out of bed, a rush of adrenaline spurring you to get moving. Grabbing your bag, you briefly said goodbye to Kyoko before stepping out into the sunlight. As you walked out the door, your eyes met Satoru's figure leaning casually against his sleek black car, his signature dark sunglasses hiding his gaze.

With each step towards Satoru, something tightened in your chest, making it difficult to swallow the saliva that was building up in your mouth. When he heard your footsteps, Satoru looked up, and at that moment, your eyes met his.

A surge of electricity seemed to run through your entire being as his piercing blue eyes, the ones you loved so much, met yours. It was as if time slowed down, the world around you fading into insignificance as you drowned in the intensity of that shared gaze.

In that fleeting moment, everything else faded away: the sounds of the bustling city, the warmth of the sun on your skin, leaving you alone with Satoru.

When his eyes held yours, you felt a sense of calm wash over you, as if his gaze alone had the power to anchor you in the tumultuous sea of ​​emotions swirling inside you.

“Hey.” He greeted you softly.

“Hi…” You tried to greet him in the same softly way, but somehow your voice came out shaky.

For a moment, silence enveloped them both, interrupted only by the sound of the city of Tokyo getting into motion that spring morning.

Breaking the silence, Satoru pointed towards his car with a subtle nod. "We should …?"

Nodding, you got into the familiar car. As I sat in the car next to him, the engine whirred to life. You pressed your hands against your knees and let out the air accumulated in your lungs.

“Satoru…” You began but your voice was left hanging in the air when Satoru talked.

“I’m sorry…” He began, you saw how he held the wheel stronger than before. “I’m really sorry and I don’t know how to begin this. And I don’t want to make excuses because what I did was unacceptable, I crossed some boundaries that I shouldn’t have crossed and all because I thought I was doing it to help you but the truth is that I only hurt you and invaded your personal space.” He took a small break. “I would understand if you don’t want to talk or even see me again, I’m an asshole and I fucked up badly.”

The car fell silent, his eyes were fixed on the road and yours on his face. “Can you pull over?” You said.

Satoru simply nodded and in silence he pulled over, parking the car in a free space. His eyes were still looking to the front, not looking at you.

“Satoru… could you look at me.” And with puppy eyes he looked at you. “Yeah, what you did wasn’t okay and it hurt me. And I’m glad you know it was wrong and hopefully you don’t make that mistake again.” Satoru nodded in silence. “But…” You paused and looked at him, carefully and feeling the nervousness and shyness take over your body, you held his face. “I don’t want to lose this, I don't want to lose us.” You shyly smiled. “I’m glad you acknowledge what you did wrong but I don’t want this to break up.” His eyes were fixed on you, carefully watching you.

“Are you sure?” He swallowed. “It’s okay if you don’t want to see me again, I can… bare with it.” You smiled seeing his poor intent of lying.

“Could you?” You smiled.

And he shook his head. “I wouldn’t.” He got closer to you and rested his forehead on your shoulder. “Thank you…” He whispered. “I know I’m an asswhole and that I’m annoying and all that.”

“You are my all that.” You smiled, caressing his white hair. 

“Let’s skip classes.” He said against your skin. “Let’s go to 

“Can I kiss you?” He said looking at your lips and then up at your eyes. 

“Yes…” You whispered before feeling the warmth of his lips on yours.

The kiss was a tender hug, soft and delicate, as if Satoru was afraid of breaking you or hurting you. His lips meeting yours with a soft caress, transmitting a silent promise of protection and tenderness. Yet despite the gentle touch, you felt a surge of warmth radiate from within you, filling you with a feeling of fullness you had never known before.

In that moment, you found yourself craving more of his touch, hungry for the warmth of his lips against yours. His hesitation only fueled your desire, igniting a fire within you.

As the kiss deepened, you surrendered to the sensation, losing yourself in the tender embrace of his lips. Every brush of skin against skin sent a jolt of electricity coursing through your veins, igniting a passion that burned hotter with each passing moment.

You felt alive, consumed by the intoxicating allure of his presence. It was a moment of pure happiness, where time seemed to stop and the world faded away, where it was just the two of you.

You felt an avalanche of emotions cascading through you, a mix of desire, and vulnerability.

When the kiss finally broke, a breathless moment remained between you, your labored breaths mixing together to form one. Satoru's gaze, now softened but full of intensity, reflected the whirlwind of emotions swirling within you.

With a calming breath, your voice was a mere whisper against the growing sound of your racing heart. "Satoru..."

He met your gaze intently, his eyes searching yours for the words that threatened to leave your lips.

"I want to meet you." You confessed, your voice shaking slightly with vulnerability. "Everything about you."

A slight smile appeared at the corners of Satoru's lips. "And I want to show you." He responded, raising his hand to gently caress your face.

Under his soft touch you closed your eyes and let yourself be caressed, you let yourself be loved for the first time in a long time. He left a small kiss on your lips before turning back to the wheel.

“Let’s go to the beach the day after tomorrow.” Satoru smiled at you and you smiled back at him. 

“Why then?” You wondered looking at him.

“Oh I heard the weather will be good then.” He shrugged his shoulders.

“Okay…” You smiled. “It’s a date then?” 

“Yeah…” He softly whispered. “Thank you birdie.” 

You shook your head and your shoulders. “You need to stop thanking me Satoru. Now let’s go to class.” 

Satoru nodded and started the car. With a smile on your lips, you felt your heart beating steadily again, and the cloud that had been lingering in your head disappeared completely. The road became familiar, and soon Satoru parked the car in front of your college.

You hesitated for a second as you got out of the car and walked next to him, but Satoru grabbed your hand with a reassuring smile. You felt everyone's eyes on you and heard the whispers as they commented on the scene unfolding before them. Satoru walked proudly, holding your hand, and didn't let go until you reached your class. That day you weren’t sharing any classes so that was your goodbye spot.

As you approached the classroom door, he gave your hand a gentle squeeze. "I'll see you after class, okay?"

You nodded, feeling a surge of confidence from his support. "Okay."

He leaned in, giving you a quick kiss on the cheek. "Good luck in class, birdie."

You watched as he walked away. Turning to enter the classroom, you noticed a few lingering glances and whispers from your classmates, but the warmth of Satoru's presence lingered with you, making it easier to ignore them.

Taking your seat, you focused on the lecture. As you left your first class, you were greeted by the smiling face of Kyoko, who was waiting for you leaning against one of the walls outside your classroom. With a grin, she approached you.

"And well? Have you already spoken?" She asked eagerly, falling into step beside you. "C'mon, tell me!"

You nodded, a smile playing on your lips as you recounted the recent events. "We fixed everything, and in two days, we're going to the beach.” You announced, unable to contain your excitement. "As a date."

Kyoko's eyes widened in excitement, and she let out a delighted squeal, clapping her hands together enthusiastically. "Oh my gosh, that's amazing!" She exclaimed, unable to contain her joy. "I'm so happy for you!"

You couldn't help but laugh at her reaction, feeling grateful to have such a supportive friend by your side. Kyoko kept on jumping around winning the curious eyes of everyone surrounding both of you.

“You know what it means right?” She smirked.

“What?” You said with a funny tone on your voice.

“Double dates!” She made a small dance. “Oh what could we do? We could go to Kyoto or Okinawa during the summer break!” 

“A girl works you know?” 

“And that girl deserves some vacations you know?” She replied back. “C’mon imagine expending some days in Okinawa, the four of us, on the beach.” She started daydreaming and you rolled your eyes. “I’m sure you want to see your man shirtless and more.” 

“Geez Kyoko.” You rolled your eyes. 

She laughed and followed your steps. “Sorry, sorry but you know?” You looked at her. “Suguru has his whole arm tattooed, ugh when I tell you that is so sexy, when he is without...” 

“Please Kyoko, I don't want any more information about your private relationship with Suguru.” 

“Okay, I will stop.” She laughed. “But hey!” You looked at her from over your shoulder. “I’m so happy for you.”

“And I’m happy for you.” You smiled back at her. 

“Can’t believe we used to think they were dating.” Kyoko recalled the time when you both thought Satoru and Suguru were dating and you chuckled at it.

Satoru Gojo POV

“Did you fix it?” Shoko raised her eyebrow.

“I did, we are good okay?” He sighed. “I won’t fuck things up like that again.”

“Well done man.” Suguru raised his thumb nodding his head. “So what now?” He raised his eyebrows while taking a sip of his tea.

“We are going on a date in two days.” Satoru smiled with confidence.

“Are you planning on asking her to be your girlfriend?” Shoko questioned.

“I… I guess so.” He shrugged.

Shoko looked at Satoru and then at Suguru. “What’s up with him?” 

Suguru shook his head with a smile. “He has never done that before.” 

“What?” Shoko gasped surprised. “But I have seen you dating before.” 

“Yeah, but it was different. We hung around, had fun and I guess we assumed we were in a relationship.” Satoru moved his hands around, trying to explain himself. “But I never sat down and asked anyone to date.” 

“And you are nervous.” Shoko mischievously smiled. “Oh my god!” She laughed. “The great Satoru Gojo is nervous.” 

“Shoko shut up.” He said embarrassed. 

“No, no, I really like this.” She laughed. “Oh god I’m so happy to see this side of you.” 

“Shoko enough.” Suguru laughed. 

“Suguru admit it, you are also loving it.” She smirked.

“Don’t Suguru.” He warned him. 

“I have to say it, I like seeing this side of you.” Suguru laughed alongside his friend.

“You know, I hate both of you.” Satoru stood up. “You.” He pointed at Suguru. “We have practice so get your ass up if you don’t want to get scolded.”

Suguru chuckled and stood up. “See you Shoko.”

“See ya!” Shoko waved her hand at her two friends.

Satoru and Suguru walked side by side. With their training backpacks slung over their shoulders, Satoru and Suguru took giant steps towards the basketball court. The familiar, slightly musty smell of the gym greeted them as they entered, a nostalgic reminder of the countless hours they spent training there. The freshmen were already working hard, performing exercises as Coach Yaga's booming voice echoed through the space, urging them to try harder.

Satoru and Suguru exchanged amused glances, their eyes reflecting shared memories of their own experiences as freshmen. They remembered well the intense sessions and the coach's unwavering expectations. 

"It seems like yesterday we were the ones who were yelled at." Satoru reflected, with a smile on his lips.

"Yeah." Suguru agreed, chuckling. “Coach Yaga hasn’t changed in the slightest. He's still as intense as ever."

As they walked towards the court, Yuji greeted them, putting aside his training, earning a shout from the coach. 

Coach Yaga turned his head and saw them. "Gojo, Geto, stop standing there and get to work! Warm up with the others!"

Satoru waved playfully, earning a quizzical look from the trainer, and joined the exercises with Suguru at his side.

“Captain Gojo!” A voice resounded in the distance.

Satoru looked up to see Haibara's figure running towards him, followed closely by Nanami. Upon reaching them, Haibara knelt before Satoru, his expression serious and apologetic.

"I'm so sorry if by not keeping my mouth shut I've ruined your relationship, Captain Gojo!" Haibara blurred, his voice filled with remorse.

Satoru looked embarrassed to the side of him, looking at Suguru, who was trying to suppress a laugh. "Haibara, please get up." Satoru said, his tone soft but firm.

Haibara did as Satoru asked, slowly getting up but still looking worried. 

"Nothing has happened." He tried to calm him down, Satoru. "And in any case, it would be my fault if the relationship had gone sour. Birdie and I worked it out." I gave Haibara a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “The truth is, you did well Haibara. I'm sorry for putting you in that situation.” This time it was Satoru who bowed slightly.

Haibara smiled at Satoru. “It’s okay captain, I’m glad you two fixed everything.” 

“So you and the girl you were with the other day at the club are finally dating?” Yuji exclaimed. “Oh she was really nice and funny.” 

Satoru caught a bit trying to keep himself calm. “Not yet.” Satoru murmured.

“Oh but they were really nicely kissing and holding hands after getting out of the car.” A voice spoke. 

Satoru rolled his eyes upon recognizing the voice and looked at him indifferently. “Sukuna, why do you care about what I do?” 

Sukuna laughed as he approached the group. “Excuse me Gojo, it's hard not to see you.” 

Satoru sighed and rested his hand on his hip. "What are you doing here? "It's been more than a year since he expelled you from the club." 

“Can't I come see my favorite nephew?” He tilted his head, directing his gaze to Yuji.

Yuji rolled his eyes. “I didn’t want to see you here.” 

“Neither did I want to come here brat, but your father called me and told me to hang you this.” He said throwing him a bag. “Anyways Gojo is good to see you.” He smirked leaving the group.

“Sometimes I wonder how you two are family.” Yuta mumbled. 

“Don’t remind me.” Yuji protested. “He is my uncle but we are so close in age that sometimes he is like an annoying older brother.”

"Yuji, do you know if Sukuna has played on any team again?" Satoru asked, still staring at the door where he had left. 

Yuji shook his shoulders. “I think so, but I'm not sure. He never tells me anything.” 

“Captain, are you worried that Sukuna has been signed to another team?” Megumi asked. 

“A little, little he cared about the sanction they gave him last year when he broke Kamo’s fingers from Kyoto college.” Satoru sighed and looked at Suguru. “I'm afraid he won't care again and this time he'll do something to one of the team.” 

“He probably still has a lot of resentment from last year.” Suguru remembered this time and Satoru nodded heavily.

“Well…” Satoru stretched himself. “We will handle it once it comes, right?” He smiled. “Besides, we are the best. There is nothing to worry about.” 

Suguru chuckled and shook his head. "You're right. Now let's train guys." He said he and everyone got moving. 

But Satoru stayed in his place still feeling a little anguish in his stomach. Shaking his head, he walked onto the basketball court and began training with the rest of his teammates.

Final notes: Birdie and Satoru fixing everything, bc communication is the key. It always frustrates me when I read in a book or a series how things get complicated between the characters due to lack of communication, that's why I didn't want to prolong the small conflict between them and have them fix things like adults, talking.

— comment if you want to be tagged

🏷️: @lavender-hvze , @crybabytoru , @sanriosatoru , @norvacaine , @sadmonke , @faetoraa , @hexipessimistic , @gojoful , @kitzusune , @sh0jun , @manyno , @ropickle , @lolsasuke , @milk3evee , crunchypotatoooooooooo , @catobsessedlady , @zoeyflower , @starlostwish , @tinydonkeysforlife , @mimisq11341 , @n1vi

[painting-warhammer]

C’Tan Shard of the Deceiver in the style of Sonichu (CWC)

I lied. This is my favorite figure. Commentary under cut.

#1: Rule Number One Is That You Gotta Have Fun

The other two figures I painted had ups and downs--days genuinely ruined and many frustrated moments where I just hated everything about this hobby and everything I was making. I'm sure this is no strange feeling to any artist, but since I kinda gave up on art over a decade ago only to pick this up after that decade, it really felt like that heartbreaking moment of making something that you know was bad and not improving fast enough.

I never had that for one second while painting Sonichu. I honestly giggled to myself a lot when I worked on him. When something fucked up (note how I didn't make as good of a glowing effect on the eyes) I just took that as "Well, that's just me being accurate to the original art." When something went well, I learned something that I would be able to apply in the future. If you look closely at the quills and the chest, you'll see that this was the first time I tried edge highlighting to get more of a good lighting effect. On top of that, I just used Baharroth Blue without a base paint, but rather as a base paint that I later darkened with a Tyran Blue shade wash for the creases in the sash. I did the same for the skin near on his abs and arms. (I should have made them blue. Damn.)

I also didn't get so bogged down in being accurate to the inspiration, or became better at knowing what to pick and choose. For example: Sonichu doesn't have a sash, of course. Instead, I decided to go with the color of the banner in Issue #0.

There was a point I briefly considered learning how to actually make a decal, then taking the title to be plastered on the front of the model, but I decided against it. I even considered some yellow streaks to give him a bit of a glow, but if you look at the base you'll see some of the experimental wetblending I tried (and would hypothetically cover later) and it just didn't look good.

Also the feet. Sonichu does have a distinct color for his shoes, but I just shrugged and figured it was more correct to just keep it in line with his hands on the model. I made the hands in the hideous style of the Bad Trailer Sonic, and figured the feet would probably follow the same principle. Besides, the sash had enough blue as it is.

#2: Rule Number Two - Just Don't Get Attached, Too

I said I had fun at all stages painting Sonic'hu, and I meant that. The painting part, that is. Gluing was a disaster.

If you're new to the hobby, understand this: Older models, things from the 90's or earlier, are produced using a plastic resin. It's very light gray (left) while the newer stuff has a dark gray tint and is made with a different kind of plastic.

Now Citadel sells ONE (1) glue, pictured to the left. It's a very good glue for the DARK GRAY plastic. It looks like this. Some people use the one on the right, but the listing on Amazon is apparently sketchy as hell and comes empty because they can scam you out of your money since you can't return or refund liquids. So I never fw it; if I encounter it in a hardware store or hobby shop, I'll pick it up and give it a shot.

This is all to ultimately say that in spite of Citadel selling only ONE KIND OF GLUE, that ONE GLUE cannot hold light gray resin figures together AT ALL.

I don't have pictures, but God was it frustrating. Sonic'hu would CONSTANTLY fall apart while drying. I would be holding his arm in place; the head would fall off. His spines would fall off. He'd flop over on his base. Even after priming him, his arm fell off again, and you can see his face is a mess of when my fingers were just covered and glue and I was just holding him in place frustratedly. I tried like three different glues (not including Tamiya, but Krazy Glue was one) and I don't remember which one worked.

However, whether Tamiya works or not, I actually did have to go back to resin on a different figure recently. I went through my old man's drawer and found this.

It's unreal how good this is. Put this on resin, and the plastic itself comes apart easier than the glue does. It also works okay on the dark gray figures, but I've had the odd part come undone and I went back to the Citadel Glue.

Fair warning though--I'm praising this version of Loctite specifically. There are a few varieties, and I can't say much as far as their quality, but I read online that the ones with an extra long cap tend to dry out and be unopenable later. This Gel Control version doesn't give me any problems like that, though.

#3: Rule Number Three - Wear Your Heart On Your Cheek

My only regret is not going harder with this.

There were some gemstones at the bottom of this model and I literally don't remember what happened to them. I was going to paint them like Chaos Emeralds, originally. Then I saw a paint job of the model that had stones encircling the C'tan Shard like he was making them rise up Dragonball style, and the thought came to mind to get little Chaos Emerald replicas to look as though they were orbiting him. (Unfortunately, Etsy pretty much only had them in a set size, and though Sonic'hu was the largest figure I'd worked on, he was too small to have those orbiting around him.)

I also wanted to learn how to model with Green Stuff using this model; there was a point where I considered making the actual sneakers, but more importantly the Pikachu ears and the one additional spine to bring it up to six total. I didn't not want to do that when I bought it, actually, but after the glue had settled after so much effort I was utterly sick of the prep phase and just went straight to painting.

There's also a little Necron that is at the base of the C'Tan that I also haven't painted, but the reason for that is that I am considering how to do the CWC's "The Classic" shirt on his rib cage. I keep waiting for the inspiration to strike.

So that's Sonic'hu. Honestly, having a shitpost figure was something that helped me be a little less afraid of failure and take chances, make mistakes, and get messy. I would resume tryharding by the next figure, and ultimately paint, in my opinion, my best figure yet.

[yuniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie]

Safe

c.w : mentions of reader being in a shelter, gaz taking in reader, plot does not follow mw2/mw3 entirely, no uses of y/n. Only (Name) or petnames + ‘You’. Mentions of loss (parents death) + bad staff at shelter.

NOT EVERYTHING IN THIS FIC IS ACCURATE)) hcs

Gn! Preteen! Reader + Gaz

(Some facts in this au/ fic arent canon! If i made any mistakes like /gaz’ age/ do tell me.)▪️▪️

sumry. : pre teen! reader is taken in by gaz after he gets back from a mission he finds reader in a shelter. After being taken back home with gaz, gaz’s family didn’t seem to get along with you.

- The loss of your parents caused you to be sent into a shelter.

- You barely ever felt safe in there, the nightmare and flashing images of your last moments with your parents haunted you every night.

- You woke up screaming, every night you felt drenched in sweat. You weren’t able to go to bed without having flashbacks. - To this day you still remembered how the house burned down.

- And took your parents down with it. Left no trace of them. No one can blame you, you were only a child. By the time you figured out how to call the fire fighters it was already too late.

- Feeling frozen in place as you watched them announce. Your parents were gone. It happened so long ago. You barely had time with them,

- The only memory you ever had of your parents was a notebook you’d had been given by them. It had their signature inside along with pictures. There was a memory book you recovered. But it wasnt good quality.

- Your parents were around for long. By their time not all cameras were the best. - Taken into the shelter at a young age you never had anyone. The staff treated you like crap. The children your age there, for so many years

- Everyone got taken in or adopted. You weren’t. You got sick of it. Constantly kids shoved you around, constantly, staff barely fed you.

- But one thing that was even worse, this shelter was near a field. The field was stuck around for a very long time.

- It used to belong to farmers. It was a very open one but now it was used for military. It was used as a spot for training or anything really.

- One man in particular saw you.

The shelter had a routine for everyday. One weekends, at sometimes thursday night. Children would be allowed to do activities out. You never really participated. You were closed off and reserved. Everyone there was just not overall good people. You were rather watching the soldiers train, you always noticed one man though. He seemed to have seen you from afar.

- Gaz. You knew him as. Gaz, but you always called him the big man. Since he was tall,

- One time running around outside the shelter’s playground. You had felt a shove when you scraped a little bit of your knee. He was the one who reported to the staff if they can check in on you

- So far to run off mid way through training a few times to immediately make his way towards you. He somehow saw himself in you. Quiet, reserved.

- His own captain always told him he was quiet. But you were so sad all the time it broke his heart.

- He was a soft man at heart but really had to be tough, when he got to know you. He had seemed to come across a store one day while on a mission nearby. Or had it seemed they took a stop.

- He’d asked to step in since he quickly payed, he bought a treat.

- When he came to the shelter he took a knee and cooed for you to take it. You thanked him but he suddenly just hugged you. He was tearing up.

- He hated seeing how fearful and unsafe you seemed. How you werent given treats.

- So many things were happening. He got to know you day by day. If they were on a break he always came to see you. Because he wouldn’t forget how you even got him something back. It was a drawing. Of the field.

- He still had it in his breast pocket,

- But really, he had enough of seeing this

What had you done to deserve this. One time he had stepped into the office, when he talked with the staff about you. He got to know about the shelter and what it was like, he saw your file. How could a innocent kid

Be mistreated?

- He took you in one day. He had introduced you to his own home where he lived. But his father really made this a problem, his father constantly asked Gaz if he was same for bringing you in here.

- You got to know Gaz though. You were kept in his room, he told you could sleep in his bed, he didn’t mind sleeping on the floor since he was in harsher conditions anyways.

He’d been used to it.

- But he finally figured what troubled you.

- ‘Why didn’t you tell me, (Name)?’

- The nightmares. When you woke up crying he was almost instantly there. Crushing you in a hug he didn’t realize how hard he held you.

- ‘Are you okay, kid?’ He’d brush your hair away. Wiping any stray tears.

- His hand ran up your shoulder. Patting it a little before he pulled you to rest on him. You were like a scared animal.

- He held you so tight. He felt your tears wet his t shirt. You hit him out of panic but he only took the blows,

- Since that night he’d tried his best to help you relax. He told you what to do if he was gone while you had these nightmares.

- Alot of times he had to keep you only in his room since his father didnt like you. Nor did his brothers do. But he only told them to f off since you were almost his kid now and they’d need to accept it.

- When you were sick back at the shelter you were often just given those pills and told to take them. Then you were just stuck inside all day. No one was present to take care of you. But Gaz made you safe.

- You were having a really bad fever but you saw how quickly Gaz caught onto it. He places you in the tub after he filled it with water. He gave you your privacy. But he was outside the bathroom if you needed him.

- ‘Im here if you need me, kiddo’

- He sometimes had to rush to the pharmacy for medicine. But you couldn’t let go and your hands flew up to his arm one time he actually stumbled back next to you when you did.

- So he had to take you with him. No one can ask who the kid coming with him was. You were a secret though. He didnt tell anyone about you at base. He kept his child safe.

- It didnt make so much sense to anyone how he adopted you. But it was simple for him. He knew you long enough.

- But really it felt fast. A month, and he took you in. You only saw him those days bringing you treats or coming to talk to you sometimes. Even if it wasnt talk. It became a normal thing he’d nod at you from afar as hello.

- You got along. You did grow attached to him, he officialy did sign adoption papers. Legally and finally now. His child.

[dix0nvix3n]

➳જ⁀➴ 𝕯𝖆𝖌𝖌𝖊𝖗'𝖘 𝖇𝖑𝖔𝖌 ⟡ [𝔏𝔞𝔰𝔱 𝔘𝔭𝔡𝔞𝔱𝔢𝔡: 7/25/24]

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ 𝔊𝔢𝔫𝔢𝔯𝔞𝔩 ℑ𝔫𝔣𝔬:

𓆩⚝𓆪 I'd rather not reveal my real name here so please call me Dagger.

𓆩⚝𓆪 I'm genderfluid and my pronouns are they/he/she.

𓆩⚝𓆪 I'm 22.

𓆩⚝𓆪 Even though I'm genderfluid anything I write the reader will always use she/her pronouns but potentially I may be able to write for a gender-neutral reader.

𓆩⚝𓆪 I'm a big time rambler/yapper so please dm me any time you wanna talk! (Please know that I'll often forget to respond or go through periods of time I can't talk though.)

𓆩⚝𓆪 I'm autistic and have an ADHD riddled mess of a brain which is the core factor of why I write so slow along with me being new to writing and not grasping it easily so please be patient with me. Trust that I have several wips at all times that I can never finish.

𓆩⚝𓆪 Another part of being neurodivergent makes it so that I have a harder time interacting with people here. I often don't reblog and sometimes I won't even like a post because I feel like I'm bothering the person who made the post somehow. My brain isn't very nice to me. I'm trying to get past this but it's hard.

𓆩⚝𓆪 I currently only write for Daryl Dixon from The Walking Dead and Scud Frohmeyer from Blade 2 but I hope to write for other characters Norman has played some day.

𓆩⚝𓆪 My fics will always come with a warning description of some kind and if l ever miss something you think should be in the warning, please let me know!

𓆩⚝𓆪 I post edits @ daryldixonvixen on tiktok, if you're also an editor please tell me and I'll follow you!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ 𝔉𝔲𝔫 𝔉𝔞𝔠𝔱𝔰:

𓆩⚝𓆪 My favorite TWDverse ship isn’t even from TWD, it’s actually John and June from Fear The Walking Dead and my favorite Non Canon TWD ship is RosiTara. I don’t ship Daryl with anyone probably cause of how attatched I am to him so don't expect to see any ship posts. (Your ship opinions are valid though so don't come bringing ship discourse to my page. I hate Bethyl though and if I see you supporting the ship it's an instant block from me.)

𓆩⚝𓆪 I have 10 piercings. Septum, right eyebrow, a daith, a conch, a bridge, four helixes, and a left nostril.

𓆩⚝𓆪 I first watched The Walking Dead at a themed birthday party for it when I was in 7th grade when I was 13, we watched the whole first season and I wanted to continue watching once I got home but I couldn't find any way to watch it so I didn't end up watching again until December of 2022 when I was 20. The only things I could remember from when I first started watching were Glenn and the horse dying lmao. The show forever changed me and has become a major source of comfort for me and became my special interest, I'm just so mad it took me so long to watch more of the show.

𓆩⚝𓆪 I don't understand zodiacs too much but I'm a Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon, and a Capricorn Rising.

𓆩⚝𓆪 My current hair style was inspired by Scud since I loved his hair so much!

𓆩⚝𓆪 How Daryl would help you on your period

𓆩⚝𓆪 Trimming Daryl's hair blurb

𓆩⚝𓆪 Convincing Daryl to wear reading glasses to help with his squinting

𓆩⚝𓆪 Music Daryl Dixon would listen to but it's accurate spotify playlist

𓆩⚝𓆪 Daryl running from the cops from a house party blurb/ inspired by Killing In The Name by Rage Against The Machine

𓆩⚝𓆪 Murphy Macmanus speaking multiple languages when dirty talking to you

𓆩⚝𓆪 Piercings that Scud would look good with ramble

𓆩⚝𓆪 Daryl with a reader who has multiple piercings

𓆩⚝𓆪 My Travis chai bot

𓆩⚝𓆪 The Summer of 1992 and What Came Before and After (Will be putting a link to a new masterlist for the series here instead at some point.)

𓆩⚝𓆪 Daryl and Norman Lightroom edits 1

𓆩⚝𓆪 Daryl and Norman Lightroom edits 2

𓆩⚝𓆪 Daryl, Sandman edit

𓆩⚝𓆪 Daryl, Blue Monday edit

𓆩⚝𓆪 Murphy, Carnival edit

𓆩⚝𓆪 Scud, Can't Get You out of My Head edit

𓆩⚝𓆪 Multiple Norman characters, Hotel Motel edit

𓆩⚝𓆪 To see any of my various shitposts go into my search under the tag ;daggershitposts📣

𓆩⚝𓆪 And here's a Daryl and me face reveal moodboard. This is probably the only place here on my account where I'll show my face. This really shows why I wrote the reader from The Summer Of 1992 and What Came Before and After as alternative cause I myself am alternative!

[lullabyalikpoptarot]

Stray Kids Dynamics (Bang Chan's Perspective)

Alright, now time to start Stray Kids Dynamics and we will start with the leader Bang Chan, let's see what he has to share. Remember, this is the energy now, it can always change.

Lee Know (Freedom/3 of Pentacles) There could be a sense of independence here we these two. They kind of like to do things their own way, which may be why they make a good team. They are kind of able to blend their unique taste. It seems these two communicate a lot about work related stuff, bringing up ideas together. Maybe they both discuss wanted some sense of independence and freedom somehow. It seems right now their communication is more work based, than going anywhere deep and profound at the moment.

Changbin (Reveal/King of Cups) This one shows a bit of a deeper bond. It seems someone shared something with the other. It seems they feel comfortable revealing things with one another. There seems to be less judgment and more understanding with these two. I am not sure who is the emotional pillar here, it may be Bang Chan. It seems he is emotional support system for him at times, or at the moment. I feel like Changbin may come to him for advice, and he seems to like that he trusts him to tell him things. It could be the other way around, but I feel Bang Chan is more this KOC's. This is sweet.

Hyujin (Believe/Knight of Cups) This one is cute! It seems there is a sense of optimism with these two. It seems like someone offered their support and love to someone. I can see the Knight of Cups being Hyunjin. He seems him as sweet, romantic, charming and very loving. He sees him as leading with his heart and intuition more. I see this as him giving him support and giving him hope somehow on things, like doing things to cheer him or see the good side in things. It is like he does gestures to make him feel better. This is too cute to be honest.

Han (Hea;/7 of Swords) Yeah, so this one is tricky, something went down here. You really don't want a 7 of swords in a dynamic reading. He may have felt hurt or betrayed by Han, he may see him as not being honest or deceptive in some ways. There is some healing that needs to be done with this dynamic right now. I just see him tip toeing around him and not being forth right, for whatever reason that word kept popping up, but yeah, this dynamic needs work. I can also see this as him seeing Han as someone who needs healing and should stop avoiding things and stop hiding his true self. I don't know something along those lines.

Felix (Cunning/Death) This one is kind of confusing to me. Okay, there is something that needs to end here. I keep hearing, put this to bed. Is it that he sees him as manipulative and cunning, or he has a different way of doing things that he doesn't like? The card is represented by the Fox, which can also mean someone witty and has shape shifting abilities and with the Death card, someone who is ever evolving, willing to let go of his past self, so these could be good qualities as well. I am kind of getting manipulative energy here, like he is one way with one person and another person with someone else. So, the word astute kept popping in my head. I had no clue what that means, so googled it, which means, having or showing an ability to accurately assess situations or people and turn this to one's advantage: I had to laugh when I saw this. So yeah, he might do that. Not hating or judging. I just go with the energy and messages I am getting. It will be interested to see Felix's perspective on their dynamic when I get to him. At the end of the day, it is about perspective, and this is Bang Chan's, there is three sides to a story, his truth, the other person's truth, and the whole truth. This was interesting though.

Seungmin (Deal/Temperance) There could have been some sort of compromise or deal with these two. It is like they balance each other out or work their issues out well together. It seems like there is an understanding between the two of them. I don't know they made some sort of deal together, not sure what it is though. Maybe to keep the peace. Deal is represented by the goat, which means contracts, a pact, or promise, and temperance can indicate a compromise, so these cards indicate some sort of deal between the two. I can also see this as them helping the other not to go too far, or overdo things, to keep things in moderation, they may help each other out with that, maybe that is the deal they made, this is quite specific okay.

I.N (Hunt/Judgment) Another confusing one at first glance. I can see this as them both seeking or searching for personal development or growth. I am also getting seeking validation and praise, if that is from each other, or they seek it from others, including fans. I can see this as both seeking each other for appraisal and validation, or he sees I.N seeking that from him and others. Well, did not expect that, but that is all I am getting here.

Okay, I actually wasn't expecting this to be that interesting, but he surprised me. It will be interesting to see what Lee Know's perspective is when I do him next weekend. I may also do Changbin's as well, but I will just leave it at him for this weekend's bunch of reading.

[misfithive]

Thank you for the way you handled that ask about Wille's and Simon's drama. Because that sentence 'On the other hand, Simon needs to have a bit of more drama thrown at him' made me so furious. It was so insensitive! The fact that he suffers in silence and alone in his room not to bother other people doesn't mean he doesn't suffer enough and needs some more! The fact that he didn't jump on the table or say he feels like dying doesn't make his experience any less traumatic than Wille's. What he needs is to process his trauma rather than brushing it aside, not to get some more.

Once again thank you, you put it all beautifully.

Yes 😭 this is a very common hope for Simon to get pushed to the point of a breakdown but it’s like .. at what cost?😩 He has been thru enough trauma for a lifetime and a half. And the thing is, most people cannot actually stop and process the trauma if they are constantly being hit with more. I think we are more likely to get simon opening up if he is able to find safety which he did not really have. he is expected to be the strong one by everyone in his life. His friends try their best but still, telling him to rebound is the same message him mother gives him of “you are strong”. Bc they dont want him to sit with his feelings and cry (it’s uncomfortable and not the norm for them), they want him to forget about the Prince and move on. Up until s3 he has not had someone to cry to- thats why he writes his songs and holds wille’s sweater. Even when he is talking to Rosh and Ayub in the kitchen if he was actually crying to them i feel they would show it- it appears he probably cried on the way home before they came (this is my hc if yall think he cried to them u can believe that if u want)

i think Simon’s character is very accurate to what a lot of men, people socialized as men, and also people of color experience and how we deal with our emotions. I get that for a lot of people it is cathartic to sob but for many of us, crying like that especially in front of someone else is terrifying. we are conditioned that letting other people see u in that vulnerable state is a weakness (puts you in danger or will be used against you & that anger is safer). I know some men who have not cried since they were children and told me they dont even remember what it feels like to cry or how to actually let the tears fall from their eyes. It is messed up. Is that fair? No. Is it true that it is a weakness? No. But not everyone learns that. The patriarchy sucks and harms us all lol i wish people would understand that and have empathy for the deep sadness that simon is carrying and hiding whether he lets it out or not.

Not to mention everyone deals with their trauma differently and i think it is cool that the show is realistic and shows people dealing with things in different ways. Simons character is relatable bc of this and instead of people saying “it’s not fair that Wille gets to express himself in this way and Simon doesn’t” i want people to think about WHY Simon is not be able to. I know wanting simon to cry comes from a good place but it does upset me a little bit bc even if he doesnt have a breakdown s3, that doesnt mean that the writers hate him and arent doing his story justice which is what people say abt s2. At the same time, if he does have a break down, that would be totally warranted. i'm just saying that if it doesn't happen that's valid too.

THAT BEING SAID. I think s3 is a great opportunity for Simon to hear from Wille that he doesnt always have to be strong and that Wille can be a reliable safe space. I think Wille’s tenderness is something that Simon sees and now that they are on good terms and Wille has worked to rebuild the trust, I hope Simon will turn to Wille for emotional support however that looks.

Ermmmn I’m very sorry that this turned into a dump but i had to get it off my chest.(made a few edits for clarity and spelling mistakes bc i posted this in the middle of the night)

[elysiansparadise]

Hello I was wondering if you could make a post about Mercury in the 8th house? Thank you 💜

Mercury in the 8th house

Here we find natives with an interesting intellect, since they mix observation abilities with a very sharp and accurate intuition, especially regarding what others say concerns. It is likely that things pass by for those around him, but this native is capable of noticing anything no matter how small. They are astute people who easily detect lies, they read and observe you, they analyze their environment and many times they question what they can truly trust. They do not usually confide their thoughts, ideas or ways of seeing life with anyone, only with those they are very close to, what they think can be a huge mystery to others. They do not usually like small talk, they would prefer to have deep and meaningful conversations that contribute something to themselves or to the person with whom they relate. They stand out a lot for their curiosity and their ability to get to the bottom of certain matters, they have an investigative mind and are inquisitive by nature. Although we should not be confused, because despite being very curious, it is difficult for them to find topics or people for whom they are really interested. They are not limited to accepting the "truths" or things just for the sake of it, for them there has to be a true reason, a motive or something important.

If Mercury is afflicted by Saturn or Mars, student life could have been complicated for the native, from feeling that they did not learn easily or feeling that they did not get along with their classmates. Despite being people with great intellectual capacity, they can have a hard time feeling like intelligent people [especially if Neptune or Saturn make a hard aspect]. They hate feeling less intelligent or capable than others, being taken for fools by others, or being thought easily fooled by others. It is very likely that the comments of others are difficult for the natives to forget, they can remember cruel or negative comments from people for years. One of the favorable points of this placement is that these natives have a great awareness of themselves, they know who they are because introspection is part of their day to day and something they do constantly, they always question everything that surrounds them, how they react, because they feel the way they do, among other things. The natives may have had existential questions from an early age. 

They are people with great self-control, especially with what they say, they always try to be respectful to those who are respectful to them and say things frankly and kindly at the same time. They respect the privacy of others a lot, but they especially respect confidentiality, what others tell them they keep and it remains only between the two of them. They dislike talking about the lives of others and that others talk about their private things. It is very likely that at some point in their lives they have been a target of gossiping [enhanced if Moon or Neptune are making hard aspects with Mercury], which made them be more reserved and careful about those who tell them private things. They always have interesting things to say and seem to know about quite a few different things, this can be something that makes them attractive to people, or interesting at least. These people have a great intuition of their partner's sexual needs, they are able to go with the flow and are very skillful even if they don't have much experience. They are rather versatile and love to experiment with their partner, they can be very good at flirting or talking sensually to their partner. Despite this versatility and ability to let go, they are not in favor of having one night stands, since for them it is necessary to know the other person or at least have an affinity in personality or styles of thinking.

[straightasaaro]

my review of the agggtm live action tv show

hello! I just finished watching the agggtm tv show and I have some thoughts. Here are some warnings before you read below the cut.

I have literally only watched the show and (and read) book once so not every detail will be accurate. If I think I got something wrong, I will make it known.

This is my opinion!!! If you hated or loved the show with all your heart, don’t make that my problem!

I’m not British so I can’t comment on Emma Myers accent.

and finally because they are always some lurking in fandom, racists DNI

spoilers for the rest of the agggtm trilogy below

Alright so to start I think the show, on its own, is good television. It’s got intrigue and the pacing is good and the humor is pretty good at some parts however. I have three main issues with how it deviates from the book.

Show don’t tell.

what many shows have trouble with is telling the audience something instead of showing it. In the books, Pip pretends to be a CNN reporter and e-mails old students of the school about drink spiking. She’s told that it happened to quite a few female students. She hears that Andie sold roofies. She was told by Jesse that Becca got the morning after pill and wouldn’t tell who she slept with. She was told by Andie’s friend (or Becca’s, I do not remember) that Jason was controlling and pit them against each other often.

So pip makes the connection that Becca was raped by Max Hastings and found out that Andie was the one who sold the drugs. Pip is the one who connects the dots that Becca must’ve confronted Andie and it went awry. But in the show Pip is just told outright to protect her drink and that Becca was raped. I think the show did a lot of this, cutting Pip’s slow process of unraveling the murder in exchange for quick answers to immediate questions. It also dials down how clever yet morally questionable Pip is.

Cut cast and scenes

I get that a show with a low budget probably won’t be able to afford as many actors or sets as a high budget show but I’m genuinely shocked how many side characters (or interviews) were cut or down sized in the show. Stanley Forbes is the most obvious one because he plays a much larger role in the second season. Andie’s best friends too-in the book it was specifically mentioned how she could be emotionally manipulative and terrible. It showed how, while everyone thought that Andie was perfect and Sal was the villain, Andie was actually awful. It plays to the trilogies bigger theme of stories never being what they seem from the outside. The show did not show this as well.

Pip x Ravi took front and center

I get that BookTok prioritizes ships and romances and that well liked tropes and hot couples can be a great aisle of advertising. But what the fuck? Everyone on BookTok also talks about how much the romance as a subtle yet powerful thing was so beautiful. I don’t have a good enough memory but I really feel like way too much emphasis was but on their relationship, pushing away Pips love for her friends and family and even Ravi’s family. Was it just me but who else thinks it’s really weird that they cut the scene where Ravi’s parents passionately thank Pip for clearing Sal’s name? It showed how much the family had been freed from being the “shun” “scum” family.

Thank you for reading. Go watch the show if you want. Emma Myers was adorable. Good day ✌🏽

[rxyhiraeth]

thoughts on pjo ep 6

also SPOILERS FOR PJO

i’m just kinda getting all my thoughts out on this episode! it was very interesting and VERY different from the books but not in a terrible way! i trust uncle rick with this show and im more so just curious why some things were changed from the books so much, and im sure a lot of these are going to be answered themselves in these last 2 episodes.

i also love hearing everyone’s ideas about what is going to happen from this point on cause ik even book fans are LOST

no zebra moment! i can’t think of any other moments in TLT that would give us time to learn about percy being able to talk to them, so this is probably going to get brought up for the first time with the hippocampi in SOM which actually works out. i would have loved to see this scene, but i can get that it would have taken up a good chunk of time, and for production reasons probably had to be skipped for now or entirely cut from the season.

clarisse?? traitor?? *LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER NOISE* i have my thoughts on why they did this, but also not?? i figured they did this to balance out the conversation percy and annabeth have with hermes about luke in order to take some attention away from it as to not make it TOO obvious he is the real traitor, but also why even have that conversation about luke in the first place then?? idk. i’m not sure if this is something that will be explained or make more sense with the rest of the season, and if not, i hope uncle rick can explain why this choice was made. there are so many choices in this episode that i would love to hear explained as to why they decided on it!

going off the last point, i do feel like they are slightly forcing the luke is the traitor point for the audience. we never got this much about luke in the books while they were on their quest, and even when he was talked about, nothing really pointed in the direction of him being the traitor. maybe im just an idiot but i remember the luke reveal being pretty shocking! i hope they don’t force it too much and allow everyone to guess it before the reveal even happens! maybe this is just me wanting it to be just like the books, but i guess they do need to hint at it here and there in ways the books didn’t?

also am a little weary about the “old married couple” comment. i hope they don’t speedrun their relationship. this is a SLOWBURN i hope it stays this way!

i get not having poker face in the casino. rick HATES those movies and probably wants to make this as different as possible while still being accurate to the books. honestly tho, dua lipa was a good ass choice. i can’t complain about that.

HELLO I HEAR NICO!!!!

also CAMP JUPITER CAMPERS???? MAYBE???

besides being confused as to why the casino scene itself was pretty different from the books, it was a great event regardless. extremely well produced and was so fun to look at and watch for little details with everyone in the background. that being said, i was hoping for a bit more of a montage type scene. percy and annabeth didn’t get to have any real fun like in the books, it was mostly all grover. i don’t really know shit about production of tv shows and such, but i’m shocked the casino scene was changed this much from the book. but uncle rick i trust you wholeheartedly.

i did love them using the casino card to get a taxi to santa monica, but the hermes taxi in this was better. i was giggling the whole time. percy “i fought and killed a minotaur how hard can driving be” jackson my sweet child. and percy running the taxi into the damn wall because he was busy looking at annabeth??? love them so much

the only two things that REALLY confused me as they are changing major plot points:

1: 4 pearls?

2: the solstice is OVER??

the 4 pearls defeats the whole purpose of them arguing about who is going to stay in the underworld. either this plot point is going to change a lot, OR they are going to lose one of the pearls on the way, but if that is the case, what’s the point of giving them 4 if they are still going to end up with 3? i’m assuming it is going to be the former option, as getting 4 just to lose 1 for the sake of it doesn’t make much sense.

solstice??? over??? i’m very confused on this. this feels like it defeats the whole purpose of continuing the quest, but obviously percy is still determined to get sally (king), so we aren’t just ending the quest. i’m curious to see how these two plot points effect the rest of the season and why these were chosen instead of keeping the original plot!

overall i did really like this episode!! obviously it was very different from the book, but we can’t expect this entire show to be EXACTLY like the book. i would love to hear rick talk about a lot of the choices made throughout the season and why they were done. he has seemed very proud of this show and how it has played out, so i trust him with whatever he decides to do with it.

also if you have thoughts on the reasoning behind any of these changes PLS I WANNA KNOW

[thecluelessdoctor]

*sigh*

I'm going to be talking about a game today.

For now, we won't be talking about the things happening with the creator. Only the game. I've been wanting to talk about this game for a while, but haven't had the guts to due to the creator and the horrible things she and her husband have done.

Today I'm going to be talking about the game Your Boyfriend. Yup. T h a t o n e

Like I said, for this post we will only talk about the game. Nothing on the creators because I don't believe it is my place. If you want to know about it, I suggest this video

the video link is unavailable, so you'll need to find it manually.

Again, we will ONLY be talking about the game.

So, trigger warnings: obsessive love disorder, ranting, you boyfriend game, murder, etc.

So without further adue, let us proceed.

So if you don't know what YBG is, YBG is a visual novel horror game about a man who is obsessed romantically and sexually with you the player.

The man will be referred to as Peter seeing how that's his name- anyway.

First, let me say I've only seen up to day 2- or whatever day He kidnaps you. Yeah he does that. So my summary might not be accurate

So the game begins with you being at the park, your favorite spot. Here you meet Peter who claims to be your boyfriend. You can either go with it, or not. Your choice.

I haven't seen a playthrough in a while, so this is rusty. You later go to a flower store and meet him again, reaching for the same rose you are. He's like 'oh sorry' and you can react negatively or positively. Reacting negatively will make him hold the rose super right he bleeds.

Anyway the day ends with him at your window. Spooky/sarc.

Already right off the this sucks. But we ain't done we have day two.

In day two you go to your job, and you meet TK, your fellow employee, and someone who has romantic feeling for you.

During your job you see Peter again. Again being able to react negatively or positively, each ending in a different reaction. If you act positively, he'll walk you home, in which Dom..? I think, your landlord says your roommate hasn't been paying their share and might need to be kicked out. Peter offers to live with you with sexual intentions. If you agree your roommate will appear and be pissy.

Now if you react negatively, go finish your shift and go home, your roommate, Lucy is her name, noticing you look distraught. You two get high or drink, I don't remember, and I think y'all end up fucking.

Now here is where the next part comes into play, where you have a horrible headache or smt and leave your room to find pills. You see a figure in front of you, and you think it's Lucy and they are offering pills. Before you can react, they are shoved into your mouth and your mouth is covered and you hear Peter say something so forgettable that I don't care.

Nice. This game STINKS.

Not only does it romanticize a person with obsessive love disorder, it's just not scary!!! Yes the concept is truly horrifying, seeing how it's something that has, and does happen!! But this game treats it like us haha silly. And it's like. FUCK NO.

This game HAD potential.

Let's also talk about the style of the game- the visual novel style.

This style is only good for horror Under VERY specific circumstances. It needs to be done right, and holy hell does this game not do it right. It's terrible. The game just tells you the thing to fear outright or shows you completely. There isn't any FEAR here. It's not SCARY. Orginally when I first learned of the game, I was pretty young, but I still had my obsession with psychology, so I thought this game was going to be a psychological horror, and show the fear behind this concept.

BUT NO.

IT JUST THROWS JT AWAY GOD DAMNIT!!! INTO THE BIN!!!

And I HATE how this game claims to be mature for more than the sex themes!! Fuck, bendy and the ink machine, a mascot horror game for 13 plus is scarier than this shit.

Anyway I hate this game <3

[queen-dahlia]

𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐞 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐁𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐁𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐭

ღ 𝗠𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗦𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘆 𝟭 & 𝟮 ღ 𝗦𝘄𝗲𝗲𝘁 𝗘𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 ღ 𝗣𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗶𝘂𝗺 𝗘𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 ღ 𝗘𝗽𝗶𝗹𝗼𝗴𝘂𝗲 ღ

I suggest to read the sweet ending first bc halfway of premium story is the continuation of sweet ending

Note: Translation is not 100% accurate. Expect grammatical errors.

// : alternate translation | ⫘⫘ : flashback

My body was weak to begin with, and getting sick was a daily occurrence.

I'm better now than I was when I was a child and couldn't get out of bed, but still—

I hated my body, which was incapable of overcoming even the slightest pathogen.

Walter: "You're going to stay in your room today."

Sudden fevers and headaches are not uncommon, but sometimes they can be deceptively severe.

I am so pathetic that I laugh when I look at myself in the mirror, breathing heavily and sweating even though I am not exercising.

Gilbert: "No, I need the off-limits area of the medical tower."

Walter: "… Are you going to hide it from her?"   //   "… You're not even going to tell her?"

Gilbert: "Of course. I don't want her to see me like this ever again."

(I want her to like me.)

(… I want to be remembered by Emma, and I want to stay good looking.)   //   (… I'm the one Emma will remember, and I want to stay good-looking.)

I know that disappearing without saying anything would make Emma uneasy, but I can't think of any other option.

Incidentally—if anyone other than Emma sees me like this, I'm going to kill them.

Walter: "I think it would be cruel not to let her worry enough, Lord Gilbert."

The fact that the resident doctor, who usually does not use honorifics except in public, dares to use honorifics is advice.

Gilbert: "I know it's too late for that. I'm a big villain."

(I can be as cruel as I want, even if the person I'm dealing with is my girlfriend.)

══════════════════

(Yes... I thought so...)

Emma: "You know why I went to Walter, don't you?"

To discipline Emma for going to see a man other than her lover in the middle of the night,

I dared to cover her mouth from behind and drag her into a nearby room to incite her fear.

Emma, however, is not perturbed but rather hugs me back as if to appease me.

I was on the questioning side, but then I found myself changing to the side being questioned.

Gilbert: "So am I supposed to forgive you?"

Emma: "… Gilbert, if you had told me from the beginning, I would not have gone to see him."

Gilbert: "You understood that I didn't want you to know, didn't you?"

Gilbert: "Your actions could have gotten anyone else killed, you know?"

Emma: "But you're not going to kill him, are you?"

Gilbert: ". . . . . ."

(You're so mean, little rabbit, stepping in knowingly.)

Emma: "Do you intend to repeat the same thing in the future?"

Gilbert: "Guess what. I just want to be a cool guy in front of you."

Emma: "… I don't think it's cool for someone to hide their condition."

Gilbert: "You're so harsh. Do you really want to see me so weak?"

(Even if I were weak, you're not a doctor, you can't do anything about it.)

(All you can do is stand by and brood, can't you?)

Emma: "… Because if it's hidden, I can't do anything about it."

Emma: "I can't rub your back, hug you, or do anything when you're in pain."

Gilbert: ". . . . . ."

Emma: "Gilbert, you told me that you cherished me more than your family…"

Emma: "The family I know is one that supports each other."

Emma: "Family is the one person you can feel safe enough to turn to when you're not feeling well, instead of hiding it…"

Emma: "… At least that's how I see it."

(Ah...)

(… That's how it came about.)

Emma's way of thinking is something I left behind a long time ago.

When I was a child, I always had either my brother Albert or our mother by my side when I got sick.   //   When I was a child, one of my older brothers, Albert, or our mother, was always by my side when I fell sick.

They kept rubbing my back and encouraging me all the way until I felt better.

("Little Bunny will not be able to do anything…" I'm an idiot.)

(I've been saved so many times by that type of existence that I'm still alive like this...)

(I forgot even such an important thing.)

(… It's been a long time since I've loved someone…)

Emma: "I want to be the kind of person that Gilbert would trust."

Emma: "Only then can I win your trust and confidence so that you'll be willing to show me your weakness…"

Emma: "I think we can get married and truly be a family."

Gilbert: "… I see. That's what you think."

I hug Emma back tightly and forcefully.

The more I thought I liked the way she was, the more my heart ached.

(You're too right, I guess.)

(… I used to have a family too, so I know what I'm talking about, even if I don't like it.)

(I don't trust Emma enough to think it's okay to show my weakness.)

Even as I gently stroked Emma's back as she began to cough from too much hugging, my thoughts were elsewhere.

(… I don't like it. I didn't think—)

(Am I scared of the little rabbit?)

I was aware that I was afraid to trust Emma completely because I liked her.

But I never expected to be so scared that my instincts were frightened.

(If I trust her enough to show her I'm vulnerable, and then when it comes time for Emma to betray me...)

(Also... if she ever disappears on her own like Albert and our mother did...)

(I can't help but hesitate when I think of that.)

(I was the one who decided to believe that Emma's love was real, not fake.)

Gilbert: "… I love you."

Gilbert: "Because I love you, I want to look cool, and I don't want to show you some of the things I don't want you to see." **

Gilbert: "But you're right, that's a sign of not trusting."

Gilbert: "I thought I had made up my mind to trust you, but I haven't."

Gilbert: "It made me laugh to realize how cowardly I was."

What spilled out unconsciously was self-mockery.

(Really, I'm so cruel.)

(With that mouth that said I love you, I can say with impunity that I don't trust you.)

Even against such a villain, Emma smiled kindly.

Despite the fact that I had just hugged her so hard I could have killed her, her expression is calm.

Emma: "… I'm fine with that."

Emma: "Someday, when you are truly at peace with me, Gilbert... I want to become your family."

Emma's gentle kisses soothed and calmed my agitated heart.

(. . . . . .)

(… It won't be possible until I'm truly a human again.)

I've been a trampling beast for so long that I've forgotten all human sensibilities.

The road is long, far, and endless—and yet, I dream of such a day to come.

(While I can be cruel to you, we will surely never truly be a family. I understand that.)

(But you know, we can't afford to wait for the future; we don't know when it will come.)

Gilbert: "… Hehe, did you think I'd give up after you said that?"

Emma: "… Huh."

Gilbert: "If we can't have a wedding, why don't we have an engagement ceremony?"

Emma: "Engagement ceremony...?"

Gilbert: "Because I don't want to have to wait until you're ready to wear the dress, do you?"

Gilbert: "That was supposed to be a wedding dress, but let's call it an engagement dress."

(I've been wanting to officially connect you to Obsidian (me) for a long time.)

(Marriage would have been ideal, but even an engagement would be a fetter for Emma, so I'll compromise.)

Gilbert: "As you've probably guessed by now, people like me want to live, but we never know when we're going to die."

Gilbert: "Disease, assassination—at least far more death-oriented than the average person."

Gilbert: "So, you know. I want to do what I can now while I can."

Gilbert: "There is no guarantee that you will be able to do what you want tomorrow."

(Even if I die, I won't let you marry another man.)

(... I don't actively intend to die, but I always want to be prepared in case of an emergency.)

(Whether I live or die, you will always be mine.)

Gilbert: "You only have two choices: you can be with me or you can be forced to be with me, right?"

Emma: "… I understand."

(Huh, you nodded more easily than I thought you would.)

(Even though there's no reason why the little rabbit can't understand what a formal engagement means.)

Emma: "Can you just give me a few more days?"

Gilbert: "Ehh... Do you have to prepare mentally for the engagement ceremony? Even though we don't invite any guests."

Emma: "… Do you say something like, "Because you don't want anyone to see me in a dress?"

Gilbert: "Ahaha, you know me so well, don't you?"

(Even at the wedding, I'm not going to invite anyone. The beautifully dressed little rabbit belongs only to me.)

Emma: "Even if there are no guests, there is something I want to prepare. So please."

Emma puts her hands on my cheeks and kisses me more deeply than before.

(... I bet you haven't noticed. You've been kissing me without a care in the world since a while ago, but I know you're blushing.)

Gilbert: "I don't know where you learned how to beg like this."

(You are so cute, I'd listen to anything you say.)

(Well, I know everything you're thinking, so I'll wait for you properly anyway.)

══════════════════

Emma "begged" for three days.

In the meantime, Emma seems to have made all the proper preparations, and our private engagement ceremony went off without a hitch—

(I knew Emma was going to give me something.)

(But I didn't expect to be presented with a tie.)

(And a special one that Emma personally embroidered with roses...)

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

Gilbert: "… Do you know, Little Bunny? A tie means that you want to bind your partner."

Emma: "I chose it because I know."

Emma: "Like you, Gilbert, who always binds me, I have no intention of letting go."

Emma: "Don't expect to die easily."

Gilbert: ". . . . . ."

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

(I was thrilled by that one.)

(... I didn't expect to be proposed to by Little Bunny, I was so thrilled I thought I was going to die...)

When I returned to my room with Emma in her black dress, the tie was still in my hand.

It was hard to let go, but it was also inconvenient to hold it all the time.

Gilbert: "Hey, Little Bunny. What do you think is the next step after the engagement ceremony?"

Emma: "Are there still any rituals in Obsidian?"

Gilbert: "Yes, of course. I don't think it's just about Obsidian."

(That's the original engagement ceremony, the reception party, and the silly greetings that last until the evening...)

(Well, I don't want to waste my time on that.)

I gently placed my tie, embroidered with black roses, on the desk and held out my hands—

Gilbert: "You have plenty of time today, don't you, Emma?"

Emma: ". . . . . ."

Emma: "…!"

(Oh, I just noticed.)

Emma, who blatantly swept her gaze, apparently did not expect this to happen.

Emma: "But... It's noon right now."

Gilbert: "Oh, you're the type of person who likes to stay up at night? If so, why don't we just stay up until nightfall?"

Emma: "The idea of flirting after night falls..."

Gilbert: "What's so bad about it?"

Emma: ". . . . . ."

Gilbert: "I'm sad. I want to dote on my fiancée right now, but you don't seem to."

Gilbert: "Ah, I'm going to sulk. I wonder which country I should start to conquer as a distraction."

Emma: "… How could I not want to!?" **

Emma jumps into my chest like a little rabbit, her face bright red.

Emma: "I just thought these things were supposed to be done at night..."

Emma: "… I mean..."

(...? You look a little different from usual.)

Although I feel a slight discomfort, she doesn't seem to mind, so I carry Emma to the bed with me.

When I carefully lowered her down as if handling a fragile object, her long, hemmed dress spread out like petals on the black sheets.

(It's all black, and the dress is all blended in, but that makes her skin look better.)

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

Gilbert: "You're so beautiful and cute that I want to pounce on you right now."

Emma: "… Gilbert, you have prepared this dress for me."

Gilbert: "Oh no, it's not the dress that's pretty, it's you, okay?"

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

(See… Emma is so pretty even when her dress is in disarray, I'm in trouble.)

When I closed my mouth to express my rising impulse, Emma looked at me as if she wanted to say something again.

Gilbert: "What is it?"

Emma: "… We're already engaged, aren't we?"

Gilbert: "Yes."

I intertwine my own fingers with Emma's hand.

Shining on the ring finger of her left hand is a ring with a single obsidian rose that I gave her at our engagement ceremony—a proof for her to be connected to Obsidian for eternity.

(Externally, we're more than a fiancée, we're a couple...)

(Well, it's okay to have a secret relationship between two people that other people don't know about because it's just sweet.)

Emma: "Then, can you forgive me for being a little disrespectful?"

Gilbert: "What are you talking about? To me, disrespect only means that you will no longer love me."

Gilbert: "Other than that, I'll forgive you for everything you do because it's not disrespectful."

(For you only, of course.)

I think I smiled gently, but Emma took a hesitant pause.

Her eyes were downcast and silent, and the next time our gazes met, somehow her whole face was as red as a rose.

(What is it? I can't predict it so abruptly either.)

As I patiently waited for her to speak, Emma put her face to my ear, as if she had made up her mind—

Emma: "……… Gil."

Gilbert: "…!"

Emma: "Oh... I've heard you say before that you want me to call you by your nickname."

(I did say that.)

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

Gilbert: "As a sign that I've gotten closer to you, Little Rabbit, you can call me Gil from now on."

Emma: "I can't."

Gilbert: "Ehh... a nickname would have been more like a friend."

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

(… But you never called me by my nickname before.)

(No, not just you, all my friends, except one, didn't call me Gil.)

Emma: "I want to get to know you better, Gilbert. So, at least when it's just the two of us—"

Gilbert: "Did you say "Gilbert" again?"

Emma: "… I'll do my best."

(Oh... I was such a simple guy.)

(Just being called "Gil" made me so happy that my mind almost melted...)

It was a mere term of endearment, but it was proof that she saw me as an individual person, not a member of the royal family.

It may be her own first step toward becoming a family.

(Happiness… I guess that's what they call it...)

(You would have been happier if you hadn't met me. But... I couldn't be happier.)   //   (I am sure you would have been happier if you had not met me. But... I couldn't make you happy.)

(Therefore... even if I died, I wouldn't let you go. I'm sorry?)   //   (So... I'm sorry I didn't want to let you go even if I died?)

Emma: "Gil…"

(… That's just the way it is...)

(Oh dear...)

[funforahermit]

This is not gonna make sense. This is not gonna make sense, and you don't have to read it. It's for me. I am sad. I'm so fucking sad tonight. I haven't been crying in a long time, but somehow I just can't stop now. And I feel so selfish. But I also feel so alone. But maybe I should be alone. Maybe I deserve to be alone. I need to change so much. I need to learn how to lie. I've never been able to. I've never been able to lie. I've never been able to just let it rest, to just say whatever will defuse the situation, to just say whatever. I've always cared too much, especially with the people close to me, cared too much about being perceived correctly. See it's always about me. I'm so selfish. My selfishness gets in the way of kindness. I need to stop caring about the truth of myself in order to be kind. I need to stop talking about my thoughts and my feelings, they are too complicated, nobody gets them, and nobody wants to, or needs to. I need to shut up and not care and just BE. KIND. I'm asking too much of my mother. She's old, and she's tired, and if she didn't get all my long-winded explanations the first 1000 times she won't get them the next 1000 times. Nothing I'm desperately trying to get into her head even matters, I'm just obsessed with being as truthful and accurate as possible. I need to stop. I need to stop caring about that. I need to start treating my own mother like I would treat a stranger. With kindness and without the desire to be known. And it hurts. And I hate that it hurts. It should be easy. And it would be easy if I wasn't a self-involved little bitch.

And that's not even everything. I'm also crying about the fact that I don't have any friends. Which is also my own fault. I have real life friends that I see like once a year if I'm lucky. Two of them have families, husbands, little kids, and I'm always scared of not knowing what to do or how to act when we meet. I avoid everything that scares me as a rule. Bad life choice. The third one has a way of making me feel like shit. It's complicated. And that's it, three is all there is. And online? I just can't seem to connect to anyone. I'm bad at talking, so so bad. I don't know how it works. Like am I supposed to ask you about your life? Am I supposed to ramble about mine? Isn't this boring? How am I gonna remember all of it? What happens if I don't? And what if I just wanna talk about fandom? Even in the discord supposedly dedicated to a certain person there's only like one channel in which we actually talk about that person. Well I say we, like I'm talking. I say the wrong thing and get ignored and get too scared to come back. Or sometimes someone replies something nice and it's good for two minutes, and then I don't know how to follow up and it's over. And here on tumblr I talk and talk and talk, to everyone and no one. To myself. And I watch people bond over mutual quirks and kinks that aren't mine.

I'm crying because I want to be a different person. Because I want to be someone who has friends. Because I want to be someone who knows how to have friends. To make, to have, to keep. I know none of it.

I have much to think about.

[andromedaexists]

WUPDATE: Incorrect Eyes

𝚆𝚎𝚍𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚍𝚊𝚢, 𝙰𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚕 𝟷𝟽𝚝𝚑 || 𝚁𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚝𝚎

WELCOME BACK TO INCORRECT EYES SHENANIGANS!!

Over this past weekend some magic happened. I told y'all that I would be returning to Incorrect Eyes in an attempt to get it ready for my editor by the end of the month. Well, it's done! Within the span of two (2) says, I finished drafting and re-wrote all 10k words of Incorrect Eyes!

"Wait, I thought this was a novella, Andi? Isn't a novella at least 17.5k?"

Yeah, it is. That means that Incorrect Eyes is not a novella, but a novelette. This was something that I was hung up on for a long time, because I felt that the story was perfect in it's short form but I wanted to expand it. Well, I expanded it as far as I was comfortable doing and I landed at 10k.

Even still, I will be publishing this as a standalone! It will be roughly the same length as In The Hands of an Angry G-d by Claude Hamesh and I will be publishing just like they did!

More information will come as I have it! For now, I am waiting to receive the cover art from my lovely artist. I have also sent the revised draft to my amazing editor for whenever he has time to start working on it. I will be reaching out to an interior illustrator sometime this week about doing chapter illustrations and maybe also custom chapter headers. We'll see!

For now, let me leave you with the last sneak peek snippies for Incorrect Eyes before publication:

CW: Catholicism and the guilt and shame associated with it

But as I pass the church again, I stop. The church is beautiful; stark in contrast to the buildings around it. It puts them to shame, just as I remember my pastor back home doing. Shame. The one thing the church accurately teaches. Well, that and guilt. Two sides of the same coin, both telling me that I fucked up. What did I do? Doesn’t matter, I’m going to Hell either way. There’s a glint of something in the stained glass windows—almost like eyes tilted down on me in condescension—that asks me to come inside. Asks me to enter the confessional, to pray for my soul despite the years of sin I’ve accumulated since I’ve left the church. Despite the fact that I’ve turned my back on God. Despite everything.

And one more for good measure: (CW: injury, pain, blood, mentions of hallucinations)

The doors slam open as I hurtle my body weight through them. The impact slows me for only a moment before I’m stumbling through the threshold and falling down the steps in front of the building. I land hard on my knees and wrists, sliding across the concrete until I finally come to a stop. Streaks of red decorate the rough concrete, they’re all I’m able to focus on as I try to reign in my ragged breathing. My heart is pounding, my blood rushes in my ears. The swarm of eyes that had been following disperses into the corners of my vision once again, leaving me alone as I writhe in pain on the cold hard sidewalk. I hate this. I fucking hate all of this. I’m being used for entertainment, thrown around like a toy for something greater to watch. It makes me feel small, useless. Makes me want to crumple in on myself until there is nothing left. Water droplet stain the concrete below me as I start to cry. My head bows until my forehead kisses the ground and I let it all out. I try not to scream, I really do. Instead, I hear the pathetic whimpers that fall from my mouth as I let the pain run through my body.

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[soundwave-macaque]

My personal queer adventure. Happy Pride!

For those who are uninterested, this is my story of how I became very queer. I yap a lot so tl;dr I'm an Aromantic Bisexual Demigirl who couldn't be more happy right now.

I am making this post in part to always remember this pride month (and specifically this day). Being queer has always been hard for me to do, growing up AMAB and surrounding myself mostly with people who judge highly for being outside the norm made me pretty convinced of some schools of thought that I currently find detestable.

Despite my struggles, finding people who accept me and learning how to allow myself to be queer has been a frankly bizarre and wonderful adventure. I wouldn't trade it for anything, even with how difficult it can be.

It was rather easy to come to the conclusion that I was Aromantic (for as long as I could remember I wasn't the biggest fan of romance) and not long after it became pretty apparent to me how attractive men can be, even if not in a romantic lens. What was really difficult was understanding what the fuck was going on with my gender identity.

It took a while for me to realize that I didn't like my assigned gender at birth. To be fair I still don't take as much issue with it as others like me do. That's probably why it was so easy to dismiss my feelings. "I hate how I look not because I'm experiencing gender dysphoria but because I'm ugly." You know, stuff like that. I felt for the longest time that I couldn't be a different gender because of how little I seemed to hate my assigned gender compared to what others said about there own gender. At the end of the day I was probably just in denial.

Things started to change when I was finally able to grow my hair out. Having long hair gave me something to actually like about myself that I didn't have before. Granted I just chalked this up to liking long hair, no implications of gender whatsoever! What was harder to deny was the way wearing dresses made me feel. One of my best friends was able to gift me one of their dresses. When I tried it on it was like I had finally woken up out of a nightmare. I actually liked what I looked like in the mirror. Liked it! Me! I looked at myself and thought "I look good"! That had never happened to me before.

Now of course this was not enough to make me consider my gender identity no no no I just liked dresses! That was totally cisgender (btw it can totally be cisgender all clothes are unisex if you try hard enough). What especially stopped this was showing this side of myself to my family. They didn't really understand. Some of them tried. Others didn't. It ended up putting a huge damper on my feelings around GNC dressing and really halted my exploration of this side of myself.

Unfortunately for those who very much did not want this outcome, my insatiable gender envy and dysphoria stopped for no mortal! I started to genuinely wish I was born with features that are more feminine. It got to the point where I had started doing research into how I could fake some feminine features. The big one being breasts. I felt like if I could get breasts it would cure a lot of my dysphoria. It was around this time I started to consider the label of demigirl. Mainly because I still don't really feel fully like a girl. I want to look like a girl and dress like a girl, but I'm not fully a girl. More and more research and time went into it and I decided to try out the label, see if things worked.

That leads us to today. In which I haven't fully completed operation fake titty, but I have something to base my feelings around. And oh my god, I love them. I realize that I do not have breasts, but seeing what looks like breasts on my body gave me so much euphoria that my brain finally full sent me into "oh shit, I'm not a man." and honestly, I don't know if I've ever felt better!

This is the only photo I'm proud enough of that has the fake breasts that I can be proud of right now, but I still wanted to share it. I can't put accurately into words how happy I am right now, but wow. This feels good. This pride month will always be special to me. Today will always be special to me. Because today was the day I finally found a piece of myself that I have felt missing for years. Happy Pride everyone. I hope yours are as good as mine is.