#i hate school i want to lie on the ground forever

[rubyarerosies]

First Day

dad!suguru x fem!reader

“He’ll do fine,” You assure. His coat was crumpled, Suguru knows he left it on the closet floor on purpose to stall time. You’ve taken the role in helping him look presentable. An intimate moment with you he needs to ground himself.

The clock ticks tauntingly above his head. His fist fidget at his sides to ease the squeeze of his chest, smothering the urge to pull it down out of disdain.

It’s your sons first day at preschool. Time was never really on Suguru’s side. The feeling of it all pinches his skin with a reminder that his boy won’t stay small forever.

You’ve reassured him throughout the week multiple times that the worry will come and go throughout the process. However, Suguru doubts. He always does. He’s had many occasions when it becomes overwhelming, and he’s dealt with them. But this, he can’t deal with. He’s delayed his sons first day at preschool long enough.

You’ve seen the distance in his eyes before, a dark memory consumes you. It hurts your chest thinking about it. But you’re past that now, you both are. And you’re both happy at where it all has come to.

A soothing kiss against his forehead pulled him through his dullness. It was relieving to see him surface from his waves of discomfort.

“I hate you for this,” he mutters. You straighten the rest of his collar, a knowing hum following his sarcastic retort.

“I really do,” a dismissive eyebrow lift.

“With my whole heart,” a small smile of acknowledgment.

“—You love me,” Before he could continue to elongate his time at home, your lips softly pecked his. He wanted to go for more, but something seemed to capture your attention.

“My cute boy,” Suguru froze when he saw his son dressed up in his uniform, a simple school bag in his hand. Suguru had to inhale a deep breath so the sorrow in his system could be washed out. It didn’t, but his boy looked so adorable. He wanted to hide him so he could stay one more day.

The pout on your sons lip was removed once he saw your smile, something Suguru admired about you ever since you became a mom. Your boy always seems to calm down once your lips give him a loving grin, Suguru finds that something he has in common with his son.

Your sons school tie seemed to be fumbled into place, it must have fallen out whilst he was alone in the living room. You acknowledged that an upcoming task for you to teach him the proper way to tie it next time. You wouldn’t lie and say that didn’t make you feel despondent, a faltering sigh leaving your lips. You saw your husband raise his eyebrow at you.

Before you could do your sons tie, your husband stepped in, his hand softly removing yours whilst he bent down to fix it instead. You figured it’d be a nice moment for the two to have some privacy. Prior to when you left, you had taken another look over your shoulder. Suguru was quiet, and so was your son. The atmosphere felt detached, but you could tell both were contempt in each others presence.

Suguru eased the fabric into a suitable tie, keeping his head down to focus. Not only on the tie, but the sensitivity of his heart. His breathing stammered slightly, his son was yet to notice it.

“Daddy?”

Suguru hummed in response.

“Is it—Is school scary?”

Suguru smiled, at his sons concerns and at the neatly set tie. His sons eyes were wavering in scared emotions, Suguru could tell because of the added pout.

A sooting hand was placed on your sons head, soft rubbing in motion. “Nah,” your son didn’t seem so pleased with that brief answer.

“It’s nothing to be afraid of, baby. Me and mama will be with you for a bit, meet your teacher and classmates, who knows maybe a future girlfriend is waiting for you in there,”

Your sons worried expression became bashful, a sense of shyness at the thought of a girlfriend. He’s seen Ponyo, he knows the kids are around his age, so if Sousuke can bag a girlfriend at that age, he can— which ultimately made his shyness tenfold because of the possibility his dad is right.

“Stop it,” you sons head hung low, a smile to his face was present though.

“And then me and mama will have to go,” You sons head shot up at that, the once worried expression finding its place again. “But we’ll pick you up at 3:30, on the dot,”

Again, his sons expressing seemed unsure. Suguru felt the same. His son wasn’t ready, but you are a very adamant woman that he does not want to piss off.

“I promise, baby. You’ll always come back to me and mama ok?”

You son hesitated and then nodded. Suguru pulled him in for a hug, a few kisses here and there to brush off what was left on the anxiety his son was feeling.

You watched from behind them, a soft smile on your face. A crazy thought of letting Suguru get you pregnant again scared off the sentiment. Great.

The car ride was silent. Everyone must be feeling upset. Your anxiousness was evident, nails tapping on the console out of nowhere. Suguru saw and brought your hand to the center console, “I’m telling you, we can turn this car aroun—”

As much as you quietly debated the thought, your son needs to finally learn what’s outside of his family and home.

“Suguru,” he became quiet after that.

“Mama,” You turned around, letting your full attention wander to your son.

“Are you going to stay?” Your smile became tight, so did your lungs. Another defeated sigh escaped your lips.

“Only for a while, my love. But me and dadda will be there for you after school, ok?”

He hesitated again, his nod looking unsure as before. You had to reassure him one more time just to ease him a little more.

Your hand let go of Suguru’s, who seemed to be listening intently. You grabbed your sons thigh, softly rubbing it to keep him steady. “You’ll always come back to us, ok? No need to worry, we won’t go anywhere, my love,”

Suguru saw his son smile in the rear view mirror. He looked over at you and smiled as well, “eavesdropper,”

Your son sat amongst the class of kids. You and Suguru with the rest of the parents at the back.

The teacher was talking, but your son seemed to take it in one ear and let it out through the other. His head turned to the crowd of parents, a worried look plastered on his face.

The face alone caused a few unnatural beats towards Suguru’s heart. More hurried beats come forward once he saw his son quietly cry when he heard his teacher telling everyone to say their goodbyes.

“Go to him, Suguru,” he listened.

His sons eyes were covered with his fists. Suguru pursed his lips, he really didn’t want his son to cry, but he knew it was inevitable.

“Turn around, baby,”

His sons eyes were closed, his chest heaving up and down as his sobs were hiccuped. Suguru placed his hands on his sons shoulders, comforting him with that touch. “You’re ok, baby, you’re ok,”

“I—I do-don’t want you and-and mama to go,” Suguru could feel his emotional turmoil already in action, but his sons concerns are what he takes into account first.

“It won’t be for long, baby, we’ll be back before you know it,” his son was still unsure, his eyes wandering on his fathers calm face.

“Look around, my love, everything looks fun right?” His son hummed shakily, whispering ‘mama’ when he saw you wave at him.

“Look there, a Ponyo poster,” Suguru lifted his finger to show him, his sons breathing seemed to calm down, finally finding something familiar in here.

“See, baby, it’s not so bad in here,” Suguru saw how his son still trembled a bit when he saw other parents start leaving behind you. He lifted his arms, a plea to hug his dad one more time before he goes.

“I love you,” Suguru whispered, satisfied with how his son has quietly calmed down. “We’ll be here before you know it,”

You looked on, beaming at the scene with a full heart and less worries. You love Suguru, and you love how great of a dad he was. Too bad your sentiment was brushed off again when the thought of Suguru getting you pregnant again crossed your mind.

Before a kiss to his forehead, Suguru urged his son to go tune in on the iceberg his teacher was conducting. Less reluctant than before, his son went off and joined the circle. Suguru couldn’t help the smirk on his face when he saw how his son was partnered up with a girl, he hopes time is slower so that no greetings to a future daughter-in-law comes as quick as this day.

On the walk to the car, Suguru’s hand in yours, he had to look back just to see his son once more before the agonizing day without him comes along. His son was up and joining the class in a game, a bright smile on his face, one that reminds Suguru of you.

A light chuckle was heard to his left, your hand coming up to his chest to give him a soft pat, “you did good,”

He smiled, pressing a kiss to your lips, “yeah, never again, I hated that. I already miss my boy,”

You giggled and walked around the other side of the car, “damn, I was really hoping to have another, but I guess not,”

“Y/N.”

[chaotic-mystery]

WHERE YOU LEFT ME

Pairing: Frankie Morales x reader

Summary: You meet Frankie for a date and reminisce about your relationship.

Content Warnings: MAJOR character death. No movie AU but fuck Tom. This is overall angst heavy and please take care of yourself. Grief & loss, sadness, memories, I think that’s it? It’s just overall a bittersweet and tragically lovesick story. There’s no physical descriptions of reader other than wearing a black dress at one point and having hair that tickles Frankie’s nose. no y/n used

Authors Note: hello my babies I am finally dropping this. It’s been an idea I had for months and I almost scrapped it but then I thought, no! Post it anyway! So here we go. It’s heavily inspired by Tim McGraw by Taylor Swift but it’s not required to listen to it to read the story. (Although if you’re like me and love a good cry, i recommend listening) I’ll meet you at the end of this with tissues and candy, okay? 🩵 thank you @pr0ximamidnight for beta reading this for me and I’m sorry for making you sob. || wc: 1.3k|| beautiful divider by @/saradika-graphics 🩵

“Hi honey, I missed you. Hope you aren’t too mad I’m runnin’ late.”

You smile and sit next to Frankie on the ground right on top of the red picnic blanket, food spread out from corner to corner. The assortment of favorite sweets and dishes makes you smile harder, getting comfortable right next to him.

“Finally went out shopping today for the first time in a while. I hadn’t seen my friends in so long, I’m surprised they answered when I offered to go out. We took the backroads home and it reminded me of when your truck used to get stuck back in high school, those long ass nights we should’ve been home studying but you wanted to go for a drive. You’d take us out to the lake and dance with me. Remember that? It was fun before my dad caught us and chased us back to the truck.”

You giggle and rest against him, blinking a few times as a breeze of cold and crisp October air rushes by you. Licking your lips, you continue.

“I found a note from years ago when I was looking for those one pair of shoes you know I hate wearing, the ones I have to wear when-”

You cut yourself off, not wanting to bring up that day. Not yet.

Pulling the folded piece of lined paper out of your coat pocket, you sniffle from the chilly weather and begin to read aloud the note. “This was from the day you were shipping out for basic and god was I pissed at you. We woke up and realized summer was gone, we were adults.”

“Frankie, when you read this you’ll probably be on the way to Texas, and I’ll be in Georgia, right where you left me. I told your mama I’d write to you every chance I got, and I mean that. That also means when I’m mad at you for leaving. I hope when you’re lying awake in your cot at night, you look up and our song starts to play, that one Tim McGraw song. You remember what I was wearing, the perfume embedded in my skin, the way my hair tickled your nose when you’d hug me.

By no means is this a goodbye letter. I’m in it forever with you, Frankie. I want you to come back home safely so we can start the family we’ve always wanted. Why did you have to leave me? Why was this the best solution for us? We were making it, we were fine. We were good. I was happy with our little apartment and my shitty 9-5 job while you worked on cars. Promise me you’ll come home safe. I need you here with me.

I love you endlessly, you have no idea. You make it hard to be mad when I remember how you’d tell me my eyes put the stars to shame every time I looked at you. That’s still a lie to this day. I’m already counting down the days until you’re back with me and I thought it would somehow make it easier but it doesn’t. I’ll be waiting right here for you, wearing that little black dress you love so much.

We’ll start our family and get that house on the outskirts of town like you told me we would. I already have dog names picked out for the dog we’re gonna adopt too.

P.s. the ring doesn’t have to be too expensive.

Love you always.”

Taking a deep breath in, you wipe your tears on your corduroy brown pants, looking around at all the people walking by in the distance. Grabbing a green grape from the plate next to your leg, you chew it up and rest back against your hands, the soft blanket shielding you from the cold ground.

“I got a new job a few months ago, I forgot to tell you. I'm in HR now which is fun. I get to listen to people complain about who ate whose lunch, hire more clowns who hope to climb the social ladder, that kind of thing. It has its good and bad days. Honestly though, it makes me forget about all the shit I have going on in my head. I get to focus on everyone else but myself for a day. I know, I know, an office job?”

You sit up straight and cross your legs before continuing.

“I needed something to pay the bills and I couldn’t stay a waitress forever. The tips were good but I couldn’t afford our apartment on that alone. Robert still calls me from time to time asking if I want a Friday night shift. I didn’t think he’d remember how I used to love those. You’d come in after being with Santi and Ben all day and want beers while you stayed until we closed, always wanting to be near me with what little time we did have. Just seeing you sitting on that barstool watching college football, eating those disgusting cheese sticks was enough to make me keep going for the night.”

And it was.

Frankie being there when he was off duty meant a lot to you.

You kneel down in front of him and you can feel the tears pricking your eyes once more as your scarf blows to the right a little.

“I left a note on your mama’s porch the other day. I know she doesn’t live there anymore but I just, it was the first time I’d gone back to your street since, ya know. By now I’m sure you know what I wrote in it, but just in case you don't. I hope you still think about me when you think Tim McGraw. It’ll bring you back to that place of us out there by the lake with my head on your chest, dancing all night like two lovesick teenagers. I hope it makes you happy, Frankie. I hope you know it means everything to me, still. After all these years.”

You finally crack and break down, leaning your forehead on the picnic blanket, the tears soaking into the fabric immediately. Muffled and choked out sobs leap from your lips and you clutch your throat, trying to calm yourself down enough to breathe.

“I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to you, Frankie. You left me here with n-nothing.” You fiddle with your fingers and rub the spot on your ring finger where a ring should be sitting. Yet only a faint line from the ring Frankie won you out of a quarter machine was left. It didn’t feel right wearing it without him so you gave it back on that terrible day in September when the entire month seemed flooded out by tears. You tucked it right in his jacket pocket before you left.

That was the worst day of your life.

You sigh deeply and touch the cold granite headstone, the smallest picture of Frankie looking back at you.

“I love you so much. I’ll be back tomorrow to change your flowers. It’s my first winter without you here and I can’t stop thinking about how cold you must be, baby. I wish you were back in our apartment in my arms how you used to let me hold you.”

Laying down until your face was pressed against the ground, you sniffle again and whimper out as you think about him being cold.

“Frankie, I'm so sorry. I’m sorry I can’t get you out of that wooden box. I hope wherever you are in the universe, you’re safe and warm and can feel all the love I still have for you. There’s just too much left over and I’m not sure what to do with it, honey. What do I do with it? What do I do with all this love that was supposed to last us forever?”

You never did get the ring but you got an endless supply of memories from knowing him and loving him. Truly loving him.

You curl up into a little ball and hold yourself while you continue to cry, twiddling a leaf between your fingers. Eventually the whimpers turned into soft and broken hums of that one Tim McGraw song.

Hugs and kisses and tissues are complimentary 💚

[lovemikage]

— 𝐢 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝 ( 𝐚. 𝐩𝐞𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐮𝐬 )

♡ — in which ajax needs help with his homework, and you're always a doting tutor.

♡ — wc: 748

♡ — a/n: pt. 2 maybe? i just wanted this finished i will not lie to you! but i love my cute boy <333 ty to @arachine for motivating me to finish this and @cottoncandybirdy my bestie beta i love u both so dearly

♡ — warnings: bit suggestive throughout but no explicit smut (yet), fem!reader, all characters are in college (~20 yrs old)

“No – Ajax, baby, darling, you need to carry the three or it won’t –”

“Ugh!” the beanie-clad boy has a pout on his face while he leans back until his chair is tipping off the ground, arms crossed, “I hate this. I’m not good at it, can’t we do somethin’ i’m good at?”

“And what would that be, hm?” You mimic his pose, though all Ajax can focus on is how the position pushes your tits up and how the stern look on your face is working for you way more than he thinks it should.

“I dunno, like –” He pauses, throwing his hands up in the air in half exasperation and half out of a need to stop looking at you (unfortunately, there’s no school subject he is good at, so it isn’t really helping), “Mythology? History? I’m good at those!”

“Yes, because that’s your ancestry –” You sigh, shaking your head a bit while you look down at him, “Plus, i’m literally your tutor, ‘jax, the whole point of this is to help you get better at what you struggle with –”

This time when Ajax looks up at you his frown is even deeper, brows pulled together, and for a moment you think he’s so cute you just want to kiss him silly.

Focus.

“I just have no motivation!” He huffs while he settles his head on crossed arms, looking up at you with all the sadness of a kicked puppy, “And i’m just – i’m bad at it –”

You pause for a moment as you look down at him, weighing your options. You do have an idea, one that would almost definitely work, but one that would also change the trajectory of your friendship forever.

But, again – you know it’ll work. You also know that you really like Ajax, as stupid as he is, and he really likes you, too – he’s never been too shy about showing it (plus, Xavier told you). 

Ah, fuck it.

“Tell you what –” You lean over the table so you’re hovering over him a bit, tits pushed out in a way that’s making him stare intensely at your eyes in an effort not to look, “for every question you actually try on, i’ll give you a kiss wherever you want, mkay? You don’t even have to get it right, but you have to try.”

Ajax nearly chokes at that, coughing into his arm and suddenly shooting up with a nod, suddenly the portrait of a perfect student.

“Well?” You look down at him expectantly, head tilted with a soft, playful smile on your lips. 

“Oh – oh, fuck, no, yeah, t-totally, um, let me just –” He splutters, quickly arranging the papers from his binder into a neat pile on his desk so he can begin working, suddenly feeling very, very motivated. 

You can’t stop your giggles while you watch him work, now moving ten times as fast as he was before – he was even getting some of the math problems right.

He shows them off to you quickly, and you keep your promises for each one – he’s too hesitant to ask you to kiss him in any places he really wants, so he keeps it cute – asks for kisses on his nose, his cheeks, his forehead. Eventually he gets brave and asks for one on his lips and he feels dizzy when you pull back with a smirk.

From there it gets heated very quickly – somehow you find your way into his lap, arms looped around his shoulders and legs dangling on either side of him. He works with you there, every so often tapping your back so you can look at his work. Your kisses stray farther down – his jaw, his neck, his collarbones, even along his shoulders. You can’t help the way your hands wander, sliding underneath his hoodie and running your palms along lean muscle and smooth skin.

You feel something under you and you can’t help the way you smirk to yourself. At least you weren’t the only one getting excited. You kiss his lips again after the next problem, though this time it’s deeper, more desperate than before. You pull back breathing heavily, the little string of saliva that connects your lips making you gulp. Your eyes flit down to the papers, then, and you grin, your voice barely above a whisper when you speak, Ajax’s eyes big and doe-like looking back at you, “You’re almost done. Finish it all and I get to kiss you wherever I want.”

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

This is war, pt. 2

PART 1  

Summary: Riven finds himself struggling to keep up with Y/N’s mind games while he plots his own revenge.

Warnings: violence, sexual innuendos, swearing

Pairing: Riven x specialist!reader

__________________

Smirking, Y/N winks at Riven as he passes through the training grounds to take his place. There are dark, purple circles under his eyes and a thin white tape across his nose. Part of her still finds satisfaction in breaking Riven's nose a few days ago, because the look of absolute disbelief in his eyes would fuel her confidence in training for weeks. 

Ever since it happened, she's been unbeatable and quite a few guys have had their egos bruised. Thanks to Andreas and his inclusivity rules, girls vs. boys training battles have proven Riven wasn't the only one slacking with his training under Saul's care.

"You did that, didn't you", Sky asks.

Looking up at her ex, Y/N shrugs off his amused grin.

"Did he tell you that?"

"He didn't have to", Sky chuckles. "The death stare he gives you is pretty hard to miss."

Biting her lower lip, she suppresses a smile. "I like his death stare."

"No", Sky lowers his voice to a near whisper. "You like Riven."

Raising her brows, she turns to him. "Actually, I despise him."

Sky frowns, "Since when do you lie to me?"

"Since when is my love life of interest to you?"

Clearing his throat, Sky purses his lips. "Since I realized you dated me, but actually wanted my best friend."

Rolling her eyes, she lets out an annoyed huff. "We haven't trained together in a while", she notes. "Perhaps it's time we get into a rink and you can clear out those frustrations you seem to harbor about us from a year ago."

"I don't have any", Sky remarks. "You're just mad I can read you so easily."

"I'm mad because you going to start rumors saying shit like that!" Y/N whisper shouts. "I'd rather not have my name tied to Riven for the rest of our days here."

"Because you hate him?" Sky furrows his brows, skeptical about her reasoning.

"Yes. Also because he's a womanizer and I'd rather not end up on some slimy little list of his conquests others seem to keep."

Nodding, Sky keeps his eyes firmly on her as she turns to where Riven was winning his fight with Dane.

"That's fair, but you might want to forget about your reservations concerning Riven and actually get to know him. I think you'd be a good pair. He might be exactly what you're looking for."

Snorting, she places her hands on her hips. "Just because you saw me naked, doesn't mean you know everything about me, Sky."

"I didn't mean to", Sky begins but she's quick to shut him up.

"And yet you did. Keep your ill-conceived notions about me and Riven to yourself. I broke his damn nose, I didn't fuck him. That's how it's going to stay."

Passing by Sky, Y/N headed to school, still angry. She should have stayed and fought someone else to let the frustrations out of her system but she needed to get away from both Sky and Riven. Of course she likes Riven, she knows that too, but not this version of him. Unlike the freshman she liked, this version of him makes her blood boil and if they were stuck in a locked room somewhere she'd probably murder him within an hour.

Besides, Riven has been anything but shy about the way he dislikes Y/N. The snarky remarks about her clothes, the glares he'd send her way whenever she'd dare look at him with that disgusting scowl he sports, the constant jabs at her fighting abilities, and the incessant moaning about her presence in his life have made it very, very clear what he thinks of her.

Why would she ever want to admit she might have liked him? That she waited for him to ask her out and yet he never did. Sky got to her first, he was the one who had taken initiative and for a while, Y/N didn't think about Riven. Sky was a wonderful, much needed distraction. But as all distractions, it couldn't last forever and when she parted ways with Sky, Riven seemed almost tolerable.

Until now. She enjoyed torturing him for a change.

It irks her how little he seems to care for the way his actions affect others, so she made sure to show him what it’s like when the tables turn and he’s on the receiving end.

To make it easier, Y/N set a tutoring session with Sky for the next day. Riven was on schedule for guard duty and so they had the room to themselves. As Sky was busy with a mini exam she gave him, Y/N used the bathroom – BUT she also tampered with Riven’s shampoo bottle. It was easy to tell which one was his, all she needed was a whiff after which she completed her prank. Would she ever admit how she identified exactly which shampoo bottle was his because somehow she knew what Riven’s hair smells like? Never.

The next day, Riven showed up to training with a full head of bubblegum pink hair. Most of the guys stared and laughed at him, the girls taking pictures for posterity. His grouchy face only made it better for once, even the seemingly permanent scowl on his face was entertaining.

“I think we have a lost fairy on our hands”, she remarked as Riven’s nostrils flare.

“Watch it”, he warns her only to be met with a smug smirk on her face. His jaw drops and his eyes narrow at her, “You did this!”

Raising her hands in mock surrender, Y/N bites her lower lip and shrugs innocently. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

Clenching his jaw, it took Riven less than a second to tower over her with a menacing glare. “Don’t play with me.”

“Is your puffed out chest meant to scare me?” Y/N raises a brow before whispering, “Because we both know I can take you in a fight.”

Pursing his lips, he grimaces.

“Besides, I’d never choose pink. Purple would suit those bruises much better”, she winks before taking a step back. “Or maybe I would? It kinda makes your eyes poP!”

All but growling, Riven grabs her by the arm, pulling her up to his chest. With his free hand, he grips her jaw tightly, his fingertips pressing into the bone as he raises her head up. “What is your damage?!”

“Talent”, she smirks, ignoring the ache his fingers are causing. She’s always bruised easily and this felt like it’s going to need a good makeup trick to cover in the coming week, making a mental note to call up Stella for tips.

“Riven”; Sky raises his voice, “Let her go!”

“Talent for being a bitch”, Riven states before releasing her from his grip. “I’d watch my back if I were you.”

“Is that a threat”, she folds her arms over her chest. “Or a promise?” Walking past him, she pauses as her shoulder brushes his arm. “Because I do like it from the back.”

Blinking fast, Riven rubs his chin in exasperation. He’s not entirely sure what he woke up in Y/N with that sparring session, but it can’t be good. He wanted to make her fall in love with him, to make a play for her heart and shatter it, but this? She’s too good at playing with his mind…or perhaps he’s just too easily angered. Either way, his plan will never work if he doesn’t let up on her.

“Y/L/N!” He calls out, seeing her turn halfway to meet his gaze with slight confusion. It seems she thought she had the last word and hearing his voice threw her off for a moment. “I kinda like it”, he points to his atrocious hair. “You’re right about making my eyes pop. I’ll make sure to let you look deeply in them before I knock you on your ass later today.”

“What?”

Coming closer, he purses his lips. “I’m asking you to spar with me.”

“Again?”

Shrugging, he smirks. “Well, I didn’t ask the first time. We were assigned to each other.”

“And you want to do it voluntarily now?” She narrows her eyes before sighing. “I don’t trust you.”

“And I don’t trust you”, he remarks. “But I want to train with the best and as much as it pains me to admit it…you’re one of the top students in our class.”

Frowning, she takes a step closer. “You’re lying.”

“Am I?”

Gnawing at the inside of her bottom lip, she nods. “Hand to hand, no weapons.”

“I’ll even let you have a safe word”, Riven wiggles his eyebrows while hers furrow.

“I don’t know what you’re planning, but I don’t like it.”

Chuckling, he nods. “We both know you’ll still show up.”

“Why’s that?” She tilts her head ever so slightly to the left, a few loose strands of hair falling on her face from behind her ear. She usually braids her hair ahead of training, but it’s in a loose, messy bun today. Riven wondered why, but he’d never ask. He shouldn’t even be wondering about her choices in hair styling.

“You’re far too curious not to come.” Riven licks his lips, glancing at hers in the process. “It’s probably going to get you killed one of these days.”

“I’m sure you’d love that.”

“Not as much as you’d expect”, Riven counters. “As much as I despise your existence, you make life interesting…sometimes.”

Taking a step back, she nods carefully. “I definitely don’t trust you now.”

“Why not?”

“One minute you want me dead, another you compliment me? Either you’re completely bonkers, or you’re plotting something.”

“Don’t pretend you’re not plotting too”, he grins. “So I’ll see you today?”

Glancing at Sky with uncertainty, contemplating the light shake of his head she took as a warning, Y/N sighs. “Sure. Might as well see if the pink hair gives you any edge.”

“It definitely has magic powers.” Riven chuckles. “Got us to have a semi normal conversation, didn’t it?”

Swallowing thickly, she nods. “After you wanted to choke me.”

“Thought you said you’re into it”, Riven bites his lower lip as he notices her cheeks darken and her eyes widen as everyone turns their attention to her. He made sure he was loud enough for everyone to hear it and he was even louder when he spoke next. “Or is it only when you’re pressed against a wall?”

Riven never saw her cheeks so red and for a moment he was sure her eyes would explode as his words made everyone whisper among themselves, the rumors about them already flying. If he knows Y/N at all, it will drive her insane. She messed with his hair, but he can mess with her just as well.

If war is what she wanted, then war she’ll get.

[talk-danmei-to-me]

hiii I’m prompting for danmei fanfic nightclub:) could I please request some Ranwan angst?♡ could be set in canonverse or an au!

Fashionably late because it came through when I was sleeping and it took me forever and a day to decide what flavour of angst I wanted.

Anyways, I went with my royalty au and I hope that's not considered cheating 🤞

***

Mo Ran knelt on the cold tile floor and looked up at the throne - his throne, which Xue Zhengyong merely kept warm for him.

His features distorted with concern,

'Whyever would you do something so foolish? Do we not treat you well?'

Mo Ran bit his lip to keep his silence. Fragments of the night before flashed through his memory, the sweetness of Chu Wanning's tongue as he tasted him for the first time, the heat emanating from his finger tips as he explored the vast expanse of his muscular back.

Treason.

Mo Ran had chased after Chu Wanning like a lost puppy, mithering him until he'd caved and allowed Mo Ran to do unspeakable things to him in the darkest corners of a tavern. The thought that Chu Wanning was about to lose his head because Mo Ran couldn't keep his hands to himself refused to leave him. Left him frightened and immobile.

'Whilst a commoner harming the king is treason, our laws state that the king can be held accountable through his actions in the Hall of Divine Punishments,' Xue Zhengyong said.

Familiar footsteps echoed across the tile floor and Mo Ran looked up to witness Chu Wanning's robes sweeping past. His heart filled with relief. His knight wasn't in trouble. His head would remain firmly attached to that fine neck of his, the neck that had begged Mo Ran to mark it the night before.

'As your sworn knight, Ser Chu has the right to exact punishment.' Xue Zhengyong's voice brought Mo Ran back to himself, stopped his mind from wandering to more pleasant places and he schooled his face into a neutral expression.

He trusted Chu Wanning wouldn't do anything to harm him.

'Mo Weiyu, your actions have brought the Crown into disrepute. For that, you must pay the consequences. You will present yourself to the Hall of Divine Punishments to be struck 12 times with the discipline whip. Once for each half hour you ran riot in the city. Will you walk? Or be dragged?' Chu Wanning's tone was cold, harsh and unforgiving. As though nothing of note existed between them but derision for not following the rules.

It made Mo Ran's blood turn cold.

'Walk.' Mo Ran pushed himself up to his feet, 'May I ask who exposed my misdeeds?'

'You may not,' Xue Zhengyong replied.

With each step Mo Ran took, he tried to work out who had reported him to Xue Zhengyong. He stole surreptitious glances at Chu Wanning, willing him to look back at him, just once. Chu Wanning fixed his gaze on some unknown spot in the distance, posture unfeasibly straight as he took even steps towards the hall. An unsettling feeling began to grow within Mo Ran, that the one who denounced him, was the man who was with him. Who else knew that he'd gone out, but would lie and say Chu Wanning remained at his post? When Xue Zhengyong said his punishment was up to Chu Wanning, Mo Ran had been under the delusion that he'd be lenient. Kneeling on the ground before him in the centre of the Hall of Divine Punishments, that no longer seemed an option.

No longer did the slight intoxication of lust, or the warmth of a newly formed friendship register in Chu Wanning's phoenix eyes. Instead, he looked upon Mo Ran as pondscum. He raised the discipline whip above his head and struck Mo Ran with all the force he could muster. Mo Ran's body jolted forward in response and a pathetic cry of agony tore from his throat as the skin on his back split open. He hated himself for allowing such a sign of weakness to show. As Chu Wanning drew the whip up again for the next strike, Mo Ran steeled himself and clasped his hands over his mouth to stifle any sounds that dared escape him. He refused to give Chu Wanning the satisfaction. The strikes came, again and again, until Mo Ran's undershirt was soaked through with blood.

After the final strike, Chu Wanning tossed the whip to one side, 'Your punishment has been served and you are free to go.'

At this statement of release, Mo Ran collapsed. When he woke he was lying on his stomach upon his bed. The door opened.

'Fuck off!' Mo Ran hid his face in the crook of his elbow, he couldn't stand the sight of Chu Wanning's face right now.

'I've brought you some food,' Shi Mei said, his footsteps coming closer.

Mo Ran continued to hide his face, 'I'm not hungry.'

'You need to eat. It'll help with the healing.'

Even the slightest shift sent waves of pain coursing throughout Mo Ran's body, made him feel as though his skin was tearing all over again. His eyes burned, he squeezed them shut to keep his tears from falling, but a single one escaped staining the silk pillow beneath his head.

'I want to go home.'

[iamyoursonly]

Sunsets (6/11/2023)

suddenly wanted to write this idk bro but life seems harder rn

As the remaining bit of the sunset gleamed over the horizon, after the last bit of light entered my eyes, everything seemed like it was all gone, as if all was left, but except for the street lights near where I was sitting. Looking down to my feet, I realised that the shadows on the ground weren’t plural anymore, it was just me myself and I. The other shadow was long gone…

Holding up my pen after getting home and trying to concentrate on my work was hard, especially when you somehow broke up with me out of nowhere. All those “I love you”s and “I would never leave you”s were lies, because what else could men do but lie.

Despite us going through hard times together for 14 long years, you decided the bonding wasn’t enough and left me. Where was the sense in that?! God, please let me just disappear from this world. All that loathe I have felt towards you seemed to have exploded in my thoughts, and I couldn’t help but bawl my eyes out at every thought of you.

Deep down I knew — I still loved you.

Gojo Satoru, I still remember your name. As if our breakup was yesterday, but time has passed since and it’s been almost 5 years. Our immature years were over and we were both working for our society, making money and just being alive for this sole purpose.

A chorus of delirium rushed through my head when I got accepted into my dream job — being a teacher at a high school. But life was unfair, I know, I’ve been through it all before. My delirium was destroyed when you showed up as my teacher in charge. I was basically devastated.

Maybe you were 27, but you didn’t act like it. You were just an over grown child even at work, I mean why did they accept you into the school even when you’re just a giant baby!

“Well look at that isn’t it my favourite youngster?” You’d say and look at me, I had to curse under my breath before looking at you in the face with a smile, “Mr. Gojo, may I inform you that I’m merely two years younger than you?” And when you pout and start acting childish again, the memories of us being together appeared in my mind again, it was as if fate brought back us together in this school.

My delusions were crushed when you had announced your engagement with another pretty lady, whom you apparently met a few months prior. It was almost so obvious that your mother set you up with her, but it wasn’t like you to agree without throwing a whole tantrum. But that smile you had on your face while giving me the invite to your wedding seemed genuine, and what could I do but respect your decision.

Denial is a river in Egypt, I know. But maybe it’s also what I’m feeling right now, how could you choose her over me though? I thought I had gotten over you, but all those thoughts just keep coming back to my head. “How could you do this to me, Gojo.” I mumbled, in my own house.

On the day of your wedding, it felt illegal to show up, but you sounded so anticipated to have me show up to your wedding, and have I ever said no to you? Never. So I went, in the dress that you bought me on our 4th dating anniversary. It was blue, just like your eyes. And that time of the day, was the sunset, my favourite time of the day.

When I arrived, you looked so handsome in that white suit, I might just faint from looking at you, and we might have made some brief eye contact before you broke it, and that tiny blush on your face was quite visible too.

The vows. I hated it, why would you vow to love a woman you didn’t want to marry, oh how I wished you would’ve pulled me onto the stage and married me instead…

“Would you, Gojo Satoru, be the legal husband of Naoko Tsurugi and love her forever?”

“No.” You spoke. That stern look in your eyes sent shivers down my spine, but thank god you spoke up. The girl you married also opposed your marriage too, and said she had someone she wanted to marry. Your gaze looked soft, as if a stone was lifted from your heart.

I’d thank the heavens if they gave me a chance to savour your love again, and I’d never thank it enough when you pulled me on the stage and asked me to marry you instead. Naoko didn’t seem opposed at all, instead, she was the biggest supporter and told us to kiss.

“Well what do you say princess, would you like us to get married?”

“What if I say no.”

“You wouldn’t say no to me.”

What could I say, those years of bonding really made us lucky. And it seems like I could never get rid of Gojo Satoru. But I love it so much.

Only that sunset finally had two silhouettes.

master list

sunrise

[alarrytale]

Hi, do you have any post about HLs personalities and your opinion on it? I always thought that hl have very similar interests based on the early days (when they did shopping, sport together, went to high end restaurants and so on) but I wonder about your thoughts about them and if you think if they had before more common interests than now?

Hi, anon!

I don't think i have talked about their personalities, but i've touched upon their similarities before, especially their similar upbringing (people disagreed lol).

I think they have much in common. I think they come from similar backgrounds. They both come from loving and supportive tight knit families, both are particularly close to their divorced and remarried moms, both have sisters they adore, stepfathers who was father figures, going through hard times financially, not being good at school, both both made friends easily, being in bands, being into sports - particularly football (Man U is their team). They have somewhat similar music taste. I think this was a part of what drew them to each other in the first place. Common ground.

When it comes to their characteristics i think both of them are kind to others and value kindness, they're polite, generally happy and smily people with a positive outlook on life. They can both be silly and have the exact same brand of humour. I think they're both adventurous and brave people. Not afraid to try things out. Not afraid to get naked. Not afraid to cry or show their vulnerable side. They're confident in their opinions and values and not easily swayed. They're charitable beyond normal. I think they're both emotionally driven. I think they don't take themselves too seriously and get up and dust themselves off when things don't go their way. They keep trying. Both are perfectionists and want to always give the best when it matters. They are both openminded people. I think they live for drama, love attention of any kind and are huge gossips. They both hate to lie and neither of them can lie convincingly. They both hate the Hollywood games and fake niceties, but play along reluctantly. They both compromise and take turns in getting their way. It's an equal relationship.

I also think they have similar goals and drive. Both are ambitious and want to achieve things and want to keep doing what they're doing as long as they've got fans. I think they've got the same social and political values and opinions. Both vote Labour. Both value family and want to settle down and have kids. They both love kids, especially babies. They are both loyal people and trust each other implicity. But most importantly, they're both gay, in love with each other, in a long-term relationship and want forever with each other.

I don't think the interests they don't have in common affects their relationship at all. They both value individualism and self expression and support each others way of life. They let each other have the room and freedom to develop and grow as people. They don't limit each other and all this takes an enormous amount of trust and faith.

I think their shared experiences, their history, their shared battles and scars and their shared end goal matters much more than if one likes golf and the other one doesn’t. Even though their image and wealth has changed, i still think they're both the same two people who fell in love at the x factor.

[bestbro-kun]

• cannot kill yourself...

POPULAR GUY X SHY READER

this is for all genders!

Synopsis: You are a person without friends, with a not-so-good family, half tsundere, struggling with studies, and longing for isolation. Evan is a popular, outgoing, and friendly guy. You constantly have suicidal thoughts, and Evan wants to help you.

⚠️ this story contains:

-suicidal behavior

-soft violence

Evan is popular, very smart, gets good grades in everything, is on the football team, is strong, and sometimes a bit foolish. He can be impulsive and cruel at times, but he has a good heart.

On the other hand, you are a friendless teen, a bit shy, hate talking to others, have average grades, find it hard to pay attention, often hide to avoid attention, constantly have self-destructive thoughts, yet have a good heart.

Today, you went to school as usual, feeling depressed because you got a bad grade on your latest math test – a subject you despise. Evan noticed and became concerned. Minutes later, he found you in the halls, approached you, and, despite your irritation, you also felt nervous.

– "Hey... I've noticed your math grades dropped. Do you want my help?" Evan asks with a friendly voice, trying not to make you uncomfortable.

– "Um, n-no thanks. Sorry, I'm in a hurry..." You say before escaping and leaving school, heading to a nearby park, to a secluded area.

In the park, you cry uncontrollably, wondering why life has to be so tough.

– "If only I could be alone forever... if I could escape and create a place that's my own wolrd..." You murmur to yourself.

You wipe your tears and lie down on the grass, gazing at the blue sky, finding solace in watching it, regardless of its color or time. You love getting lost in it, imagining your perfect life – living alone, without friends or family interference, working from home. That's your dream life.

Later, you go home to your somewhat annoying family but manage to endure. In your room, you write in your diary about how much you hate your life, wanting complete isolation, feeling inadequate as a friend or partner, despising your appearance, intellect, and everything about your life. However, deep down, you desire a partner, but you believe it would be unfair to waste someone else's time. Either way, you convince yourself you're not missing out on anything. Eventually, you fall asleep.

The next day, you wake up and get ready for school. Fortunately, your family is visiting your grandmother in the neighboring city, leaving you alone at home, a rare occurrence that brings you joy. After a simple breakfast, an apple, you head to school, but today seems too good for classes. So, you decide to go to the park, lie on the grass, and enjoy the spring, cherries falling from the trees. Feeling good, you end up falling asleep. Hours later, you wake up; it's still early, everything is the same, and your miserable life continues. You're fed up with life, and suicide doesn't seem like a bad idea. Walking towards a bridge, you contemplate the edge, water below, and everything seems serene. Suicide doesn't seem so bad after all. You lean over to get a better view and start climbing the railing to jump, but Evan sees you, he was walking down the streets, towards his house, but he saw you trying to kill yourself, he wouldn't allow that.

Evan runs towards you, grabs you by the waist, and pulls you back. Both of you fall to the ground; your instinct is to run, fight, and escape, but Evan hugs you tightly, it is clear that you can't do anything, he's stronger than you.

– "No! Let me go! Leave me alone!" You yell while trying to break free from Evan's grip without success.

– "Stop it! You can't do this!" Evan exclaims before covering your mouth with his hand to silence you.

-"I'll let you go, but you must promise not to hurt yourself again..." Evan whispers with concern, and you nod in response, he removes his hand from your mouth.

Evan releases you; both stand up. You're flushed, nervous, and angry. Why did Evan interfere? Everything seems horrible, and tears stream down your face. Evan approaches, kisses you on the head, and you blush more.

– "You're important to me, you're valuable, you can't do this... nobody should.." Evan insists.

– "Just leave me alone!" You shout.

You run away, but he follows. In about 3 minutes, you reach your house near the park, realizing Evan followed you, determined not to leave you alone. You bow your head shyly; he opens the door, and both enter. You knew he wouldn't leave you alone; for some reason, he thinks you're valuable.

– "If you ever try to hurt yourself again, I'll have to take extreme measures. Please, you know you're valuable. It's you – so beautiful, sweet, and lovely. You deserve to live." Evan says with a soft tone.

– "Okay... I understand..." You say timidly.

You go to your room, lie down, and rest a bit. You cried about how horrible your life is but promised to be strong. You decide to write in your diary about the crap that happened today, take it from under the bed, but just as Evan enters and sees it, he decides to leave. You take a bath, and while you're in there, he goes to your room and reads your diary, wanting to understand your self-esteem issues to help. He realizes you genuinely hate your life.

Evan leaves the room and goes downstairs. He starts preparing dinner. After you finish bathing, you come down, and he serves dinner. You eat as if nothing happened.

Later, you go back to your room, take a bath, get ready for bed. But before you go to sleep, Evan enters the room, gives you a kiss on the cheek. You blush, but you go to bed anyway, signaling Evan to leave. However, he ignores your request and lies down with you.

He hugs you, providing comfort. Both of you stay silent and eventually fall asleep.

– "To me, you are valuable..." He says as he hugs you, and falls deeply asleep with you.

©bestbro-kun — I do not allow plagiarism of my work, your support is appreciated.

[hiswhitelie]

Me a pre law student confession:

Do you believe that we forever carry sins weather that is of our own or of the people around us. I personally believe yes we do , i carry the sins of my father everywhere i go. My name represents the sin he loved most, the irony of age gap relationship in wealth is how fucked up there kids turn out and i belive my parents set me up for failure when they named me “lolita ardor” for the people who may not know what ardor means , well its another word for lust & passion so how cruel for my father to name me lolita ardor in connection to his desires that caused him to sin. My mother truly despised the name , she would wipe off my nail polish as a kid and whisper words gently and as i would ask her why she always called me by my nickname her face would burn in guilt , her eyes filled with the fire that i now see in my dear professor as his anger of what i had done.. what he caught me doing. Hearing my biological name drip out of his mouth in vexation for my actions. “ lolita; your actions are completely unacceptable” he stated after what felt like hours of him looking down against the ground , finally rising from leaning on his desk and walking straight to the seat I choice after his low but deadly force for me to halt. His eyes and words spoke two very different things. For the first time i learned what lush in a mans eyes looked like, sure i saw it when my father looked at mother but this was lust of a extremely dangerous game of the unknown. Leaning my head higher and higher to match his lowered gaze at me , i couldnt help but absorb all the views from the bumps rising across his arm weather from the absolute dreading cold tension flaming between us or maybe the odd breeze that was never here before. If you didn’t understand now , i was hidden from the world of sex or even the biology that surrounds its and now that i look back to this moment i realize that even the smallest thing i did were fulled with sexual frustration. Embarrassment claws at me in ways i cant describe, i question how could i have been so stupid to not understand but honestly provails that i wasnt truly think because all i could feel was the hot tingles that climbed my clit in frustration as my professor repeatedly said my name in a form of a debate of his next actions “ lolita if i ever see you do the actions of ….” Stopping in grunting in confusion of what his actions should be but i could care less i was so close to climax as i rubbed myself against my phone that layed between my thighs but everything stopped the moment he said the words that would create a situation that would last way to long but provided the best lesson law school could offer.

“ two options” he grunts

two options ? What two options … maybe my punishment…. I should be scared right now but i liked it. Tilting my head looking in confusion, his face crinkled in annoyance “ how can someone be so fucking intelligent and yet be so far from understanding the most simple things” draging his hand across his rough scruff that was always perfectly cut, clearing his throat he finally looked down grabbing a piece of my hair and rubbing it against his thumb and pointer watching my chest quicken and my mouth dropping ever so slight to release the hot breaths and noises trapped in my throat and then it all stopped. “Lolita, get out” his eyes switched from wonder to deep dark hate.

I cried as i closer the classroom door but not out of being yelled at but rather how much i wanted him. I was obsessed… either with the idea of him or maybe what he could offer me.

- his white lie

[whatwouldvalerydo]

The deadly trio

A small one shot for Talia, Akira and Jin. Because as years pass, creatures still roam the earth

Akira would have not been possible without @cursebreakerfarrier <3

“He’s here, Akira’s here.” Came the whisper from Talbott, following Talia one portrait at a time, down the empty school halls. But she already knew he would come for her. She purposely slightly lowered the school defenses once everyone left for the summer that marked the end of her seventh year as headmistress for Hogwarts, school of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

We would not bother with the ground keeper, the skeleton crew was of little importance for him “Leave us.” She commanded the nagging voice “Or I will burn down all the portraits hanging on the walls.” Turning a chilling stare towards the frame he invaded, she witnessed several other portraits running away, refusing to be seen, just like the ones in her office, always empty and dark.

Talbott stared back at her, a light shinning down on the magical paint, for a second Talia having the impression he understood there was no way he could do anything, all shattering when he tried to reach out to her. If the person who painted his portrait and gave it life was still around, she would have hunted him down like an animal. There was no reason for a portrait to carry so much emotion, but in the back of her head a small voice spoke, telling her it was probably Talbott’s doing.

Reaching her office, her hand halted on the handle for a moment before she finally turned it, entering the office that had been her home for the past years. She found him sitting down on the cold marbled stairs, hand absent-mindedly swirling a glass of red wine. Her red fucking vintage wine.

But when he finally decided to look at her, it was not anger or hate she saw first. It was familiarity that softened his features before he forced any feelings for her away, a deadly glare directed her way, intimate and frightening "Talia."

"Akira."

Her eyes held his gaze, patiently waiting, her back leaning against the closed door, wood digging into her skin. Seven years, nothing in the face of an immortal, however even for creatures such as them, wearing the scars of centuries, there was a fault in their creation. A small one, often overlooked by both, yet still visible through the vast cracks of their souls. Once born a mortal, you can never truly outgrow it.

“Seven years Talia. Seven long years with barely any communication.” He snarled at her through wine-stained lips, glass shattering on the ground dividing them.

She blinked slowly, inhaling before speaking “And it’s not my story to tell why that is. You will soon learn.”

Getting up, every step he took echoed inside the office harboring their bodies, tension bouncing off the walls “You sentimental creature.”

She could not deny that. It was the truth, forever etched in her soul. At first the years at the school went by slowly. Then the lies flowed effortlessly, created stories, fables upon fables. How Talbott received a different ending, a happy one, close to someone else. How she went on to have his child, yet married Felix, Dorian carrying the Rosier name instead of Winger. How she took the Crane name back until much, much later. How Dorian soared the crips mountain air with Charlie by his side, having grown old and grey and she never considered to blame his godfather for not saving him.

The first lie made her feel tainted, but then the stories flowed, a past she wished could have been. A past she so desperately wanted to see as a reality.

And then it became so easy. To be there, to exist and fulfill her promise. Because the past was hers. Whenever her eyes would rise, she saw something that belonged to her, bright orbs catching glimpses of the life she lost, all in portraits and fleeting reflections, brief moments when those she lost were there with her.

“Where do we fit in your fantasy Talia? Where is your sentimental side when it comes to us?” his voice bringing her out of her day dreaming.

“In protecting your identity.” She spat out “If I were to even state us, our legacy, what would it even be? A fable in a dusty old covered book? A story none would dare touch, barely even able to look upon the countless pages or cover for fear of catching an awful curse or some unspeakable old disease lost to time? We do not belong in books and stories. Not yet.”

Tilting his head slightly, he further approached, glass shards crushing underneath his shoes “Yet you exposed yourself. After everything.”

“Please.” She straightened pushing herself away from the door, not realizing initially she was slouching slightly “We both told our secrets, shunned the world for years. We did it together.”

“Yet someone managed to get in that head of yours. Is that why you burned down the archive at the Ministry? Because we were dusty old records?”

Wide eyes took him in, Talia retreating when he wanted to touch her “I thought that was you.” Akira freezing, hand hovering between them.

“Who are you protecting?” closing the space between them, his open palms slammed against the door, sound ringing against Talia’s body as she was boxed in between the door and Akira “Who the fuck managed to get into your head? Have you lost your mind completely?”

“No, I haven’t.” she defyingly held his gaze “I knew exactly what I was doing. You just couldn’t be part of it. Not until the seven year mark. Not until he was safe.”

“He?” a bewildered expression took over his mask, Akira trying to piece together scraps of information he did not hold. His swift hands could not hold records that did not exist, a safety measure, the tabloids said after the fire destroyed everything, Talia refusing to release anything Hogwarts harbored.

“Not what you might think. No mortal man can hold a candle to you. Though he is mortal.”

He laughed, a hollow sound chilling the thin air between them “A child.” He exhaled, eyes rolling as he pushed himself away from her “You fool. You sentimental fool. Why are you protecting a child from generations long expired? For people who don’t even remember you.”

A knock rang against the door, Talia opening it to reveal Jin “Oh but I do remember and I am far from being expired Akira.” Leaning closer to Talia he whispered a soft “thank you” in her ear before he turned to look back at the menacing glare directed at him “I have some explaining to do, though I do still feel I do not owe a thing.”

[yellowmagicalgirl]

Honey Don't Feed Me (Or Else I Will Come Back)

Jim's a monster hunter, and Claire has been cursed with lycanthropy. Jim's a chef, and Claire's hungry.

So, one day I was thinking about @avirxy‘s Tear Me In Two (The Moonlight Will Anyway) series when Hozier's "It Will Come Back" came on when I was driving to school. This fic idea came to me and gripped me so tightly that I knew that I had to write this, even though it's taken a while because grad school.

You don't need to read Tear Me In Two to understand this fic, but I recommend that you do anyways because it is a wonderful series full of Claire Angst.

Rated T for memory loss and suicidal dialogue.

AO3 (archive locked)

FFN

When he was younger, Jim had hated when his mom was working a night shift. He was scared that his mom would go to work one day and never come home. Now, the night after a full moon? He was thankful that she wasn’t there to question why he was taking a thermos full of soup with him on a walk through the woods, especially when there had been so many so-called feral dog attacks recently.

It was the night after the full moon, and Claire still hadn’t come home. She had disappeared three days before the full moon. Jim had thought she would have come back today, shown up to school exhausted and covered in scratches. She had done that last month and had temporarily put a stop to all the dirty looks that her parents had been giving to Jim and Toby.

Jim could tell where she had been by the claw marks on the trees and the paw prints in the dried mud. And he had seen her in this area. Or at least, he had seen a feral dog with a blue hairclip still stubbornly clinging to her streaked fur. He placed the thermos on a flat rock and opened it. He grabbed a napkin out of his backpack and placed the spoon on it.

“I know you’re here, Claire.”

“Go away.”

“And waste the soup?”

She stepped out from the trees and shadows that had been hiding her. Only a single hair clip clung to her hair, desperately trying to tame her mane of curls into something manageable.

“You can have it.” Hopefully it was Claire’s stomach that growled and not the wolf.

“I made it for you. Besides…” Jim trailed off before he could ask the question. She probably wouldn’t know when she had last eaten. The last full moon, she hadn’t remembered what had happened when she had disappeared. She had looked so lost as she had said it. Claire was amazing in so many ways, among them her brilliant mind. She was one of, if not the smartest, students in their year. She was taking enough classes that she could graduate high school this year (though she’d need an extra year so she could go to college), and she still had straight A’s.

(Or at least she had straight A’s before the dog bite.)

Claire had once confided in Jim that she thought her mind and grades were the main reason why her mom loved her, because having a smart daughter was a status symbol. And now she was losing parts of her mind to the wolf.

“Besides,” Jim said again, “it’s already open, which means it’s already cooling.”

“I don’t want you here,” Claire said, and if it wasn’t an obvious lie Jim would’ve felt like he had been slapped. As it was, the pain of her lie hurt less than the pain of how disorientated and hurt Claire was. When she was on top of her game, she was a much better actress. She was normally capable of making her lies sound seamlessly true.

“I don’t want you around me,” she continued. This was less of a lie.

“I know you. You’re not going to hurt me.”

“Yes, I will.” A huff of sardonic laughter escaped her lips. “I don’t want to, but I’ll hurt you. I’ll hurt all of you. It’s better like this. It would be better if I were gone forever; I’m just too much of a coward.”

It took Jim a moment to realize what she was talking about. When he did, he had to place a hand against the tree bark to ground himself. He was no use to her if he panicked over her words. “I’m not going to kill you, Claire.”

“You should, before I hurt someone and make them like me.”

“You need to eat. You’re not thinking straight. Please.”

Maybe it was the hunger, or maybe it was him, but Claire finally sat next to the soup and picked up the spoon. Slowly, Jim walked to her and placed a hand on her knee.

“You’re making this even harder,” she said, looking at him with watery brown eyes. It was the first time she had met his eyes since the “dog” bite. How long had flecks of gold been floating in her irises? Since her first transformation? Since the bite? She hadn’t had them before.

“You’re going to be okay.”

“No, I won’t. All of Blinky’s books on lycanthropy say it’s incurable.”

“I don’t care. Come back with me. We’ll get through this together, my love. I promise.”

Her eyes widened before she began to sob into his shoulder. Jim realized that this was the first time he had told her that he loved her.

A/N: I swear that when I started writing this Claire wasn't suicidal. But then, when I went to reread (and edit) this fic it made me tear up, so I think it fits the narrative.

[violetgreenlife]

What colors represent to me and why-

White- When I think of white I think of snow and clouds, the relief of seeing white cover the sky with the promise of rain after seemingly endless scorching summer days. White is all light reflected, white is a barrier. White pushes things out and leaves space behind it for something new. The blank canvas. The beginning. The new year is celebrated under the cover of snow, as it muffles the sound and lets the world sleep, like a big midnight. It is beautiful, but it is cold, unforgiving, and uncompromising. Not all will survive the winter, but spring will come.

Red- rich, velvety, warm, sweet. Decadent cherries, soft-centered candies, the vanity of velvet cloaks and lipstick. Saying I’m not cold in my over-the-knee socks and miniskirt even though I very much am. Red is indulgence and not doing anything in half measures. Red is passion, it is love and it is hate, for those are just two sides of the coin of obsession. Red is lust—not just physical, but the greedy kind too. Look at me, look at me!

Pink- pink is safety and softness, I sit at this moment in a pink room, pink pillow supporting my leg as I lie on my side. Pink is the safe choice, comfy. But pink is strong. Pink is the man who I wish is known sooner, and his unending, innocent love for the world and for the simple beauties in it. Pink is the gentle love of wanting to hear someone’s voice forever. Pink is drawing fan art of your favorite video game. Pink is listening to your friend infodump about a new show they’re hyperfixated on. Pink is playing for the love of the game. The feeling in your chest when you see a puppy. What it’s like for someone to give you a nickname.

Orange- orange is bright and acidic, too much to handle sometimes but that’s what makes it unique. The feeling of finally, finally waking up well rested and motivated, the kitchen hasn’t been this clean in ages. It’s five am and you’re finally taking up dad’s offer to go hunting and you’re so tired and kinda cold but he bought a huge back of snickers and you can have as many as you want and you haven’t gotten to spend this much time with him in ages. Orange is native wild poppies you planted in the ditch on the side of the road on a whim. Get up and go. Go!

Yellow- school busses, pencils, the sun rising above the roof of the theater building. Yellow is learning. Yellow is spring, picking buttercups in the field and sneaking up to rub the pollen on your friend’s skin. The daffodils peeking up from the ground. Winter is over, and it isn’t quite so warm that it’s uncomfortable. It’s time to get working, but slower and calmer than orange is.

Green- what isn’t green, really. Lukewarm tea you drink in a gulp after forgetting it on the counter. The soft, hypnotic sway of long grass in the wind. Morning dew, pine needles, and fresh air. Things are growing, changing, expanding be it fast or slow. Older things are darker, the new growth is bright. But green is also other things. Green is a separation from the manufactured reality. Green is to look in the mirror and be honest: I know what I want, and what I don’t want.

Blue: blue can be the open sky, or the dark water of a lake. But blue is also slushies, and twilight, and my mother’s eyes. Blue is intelligence, deepens, infinity, and the murky depths beyond perception. It’s endless, and deep, and Knowing and kinda scary if you aren’t ready for it. But it also feels safe in its infinity, because it’s much to big for me to damage. And as long as I’m careful and don’t drift too far, I can play by the shore as much as I like.

Purple- purple is a friend of green. Not the same, but similar, it’s rare though, and hard to find. It’s a favorite of mine, when I think of purple I think of me! I think if lilacs, and how their scent fills my house every spring. Purple is loud, unapologetic, and personal. It is beauty in every sense, and it is home to me.

Brown- brown is cinnamon, brown is bread. Brown is garden soil. Nurturing, feeding, comfort. Brown is the tree first I used to make as a kid, the raw feeling of my hands after pulling on branches and bark, the satisfaction of building with my own two hands. Brown is steady, brown is kind, it may be plain but that’s alright. The movement is slow but continuous.

Black- black is nighttime, after everyone else has gone to bed, the world is quiet. Black is cast iron—for better or worse. Something that can be built up over time, but ruined in an instant by your mother leaving it in the sink for two days. The comfort of solitude, the agony of isolation. So good in the correct doses, but easy to mis-measure. I’ve yet to really find how to work with it. It is sweet, but it is temperamental. It is, physically, all light combined, none reflected. It is deep and complex and so, so MUCH. It is beautiful, and I am not used to handling such beautiful things.

[flavorous-tea84]

Future Fanfics (By Me)

Basically: some ideas ive had on the backburner for quite a while now, and I'd like some motivating words or feedback if you'd be interested in reading them. please let me know the general consensus for these or they might never get up off the ground.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED - please dont steal these ideas they mean so much to me🥲 and also pls dont leave any nasty or hateful comments. this is a safe space so move on if you dont like the content.

Fandoms: AOT, Haikyu!!, Raya and The Last Dragon, Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (just hear me out)

In Memory of You - Bokuto Kotaro x Akaashi Keiji

→ blurb: Akaashis anxiety-ridden mind is the only thing that ever truly breaks him. And it knows how to in the most excrutiating ways

OR

Akaashi dreams of a life without Bokuto and loses himself along the way

→ basically: A Christmas Carol theme (i.e. past, present, future,) of their relationship in Akaashis dream. Post Time-Skip

→ featuring: Fukurodani team members, established kuroken, established relationship, smut, fluff, personal headcannons, bo being the best husband forever <3, mentions and implications of mental illness, panic/anxiety attacks, minor character death, homophobia, coming out, implied sex as minors, domesticism, cheating, etc.

→ excerpt:

"We're sorry, the number you have dialed--"

Akaashi exhales, finally realizing he was holding his breath in the first place.

And he doesnt know why, but he cannot inhale. His hand comes to his chest, roaming, finding the clog in his throat, reaching for the reason he cannot breathe. But he cannot find any. 

He shuts his tired eyes crushingly while his hand travels over his collar bones, his chest, wishing they were Bokutos. And then, the phone in his other hand begins to vibrate.

He can breathe again.

Until you Came Along - Ushijima Wakatoshi x Tendou Satori

→ blurb: Tendou, or "The Heartless Monster", has never been afraid to do what he wants; damn the consequences. Hes never known fear.

But when a tall, sensical (and very good looking) man shows up on his door step, the unfamiliar feelings he had buried long ago claw into the deepest parts of him until hes being torn apart from the inside out.

→ basically: "guess monster" tendou is now "heartless monster" with zero emotional intelligence until Ushijima moves in next door and rearranges his entire view on life. everybodys 3rd years.

→ featuring: pretty much everyone in Haikyuu but in one school, Bullying, violence, eccentric and flamboyant tendou, canon Ushijima (mostly), emotional unavailability/ignorance, trauma, cheating, parental abuse, drug use, theft, etc.

→ excerpt:

"But it hurts.” he smiled like a mad man, his face wet with tears. “...I don’t want to lose him, Semi. I can’t lose him. God, I’m so scared.” He practically breathed the words out, his voice barely rising over a whisper. But despite the low tone, anyone could hear from a mile away how scared Tendou was.

Take Me Back (and keep me there) - Sakusa Kiyoomi x Atsumu Miya

→ Blurb: "I wish we never met." Sakusa gritted out.

It were those words spoken without thinking that ultimately turned Sakusas entire life around--he had no idea that when he woke up the next morning, it would be to an unfamilar life... with Atsumus existence forgotten to the world, living only in his memory.

OR

be careful what you wish for.

→ featuring: Fantasy elements, Osamu, Alternate Universe, Emotional abuse, toxicity, established relationship, getting together, Sakusas a huge dick but grows and learns from his mistakes, Atsumu haunts the narrative, violence, confusion (lots of it), etc. more TBD

→ excerpt:

Atsumu lifted accusing hands to his chest. “I could have lost my job, Omi! What the fuck were you thinking!?”

“Sorry for trying to make you feel better!”

“You did that all for yourself, don’t lie to me! Because you can't handle not being in control of everything, you selfish bastard!”

Opposites Attract (but for all the wrong reasons) - Tsukishima Kei x Yamagucci Tadashi

→ blurb: ...undetermined.

→ featuring: canon universe, established Kagehina, karasuno team, friends with benefits, situationship, Tsukkiyamas third year, oikawa/yamagucci, nsfw, punkyama (iykyk), hurt/comfort, emotional abuse, psychological games/torment, mutual pining, etc.

→ excerpt (implied smut):

They contrasted each other. Like hot water on frozen hands. Like cold fingers across warm cheeks. Tsukki’s fingers stayed cold against his hips and his neck, his thighs, even when they traced tiny patterns on his spine and hips to drive any coherent thoughts from his brain. He remained cold throughout it all.

TITLE TBD - Bokuto Kotaro x Akaashi Keiji

→ blurb: Akaashi reminicses on a time when he and Bokuto were truly in love - before the countless acts of infidelity and abuse.

→ basically: god! au (giggling and kicking my feet) where bokuto is zeus and akaashi is hera

→ featuring: hurt no fucking comfort, sad and happy memories, getting together, infidelity, self harm, violence, gods :), perhaps kagehina, kuroken, and other ships, parenting, etc.

→ no excerpt yet :(

TITLE TBD - Raya x Namaari

→ blurb: After reuniting all of Kumandra, life becomes what Rayas young self had once only dreamed of. But that little girl turned to stone along with her Ba after years of solitude and mistrust. Can she find a way to let go of her fears, once and for all, in an unassuming friend turned foe turned...ally? Neither Namaari nor Raya know the answer until it is too late for them both.

→ featuring: forced proximity, mutual pining, trust issues, metaphors upon metaphors ("thank you Ba," we all say in unison), enemies to lovers (duh), trauma, PTSD, homosexual thoughts, first kiss, etc.

→ excerpt:

"Now, what am I missing between you and Miss Namaari?” He implies, looking into the direction of the kitchen doors leading out into the large dining area. Raya looks behind her, in the direction of her fathers eyes, and is instead met with another pair that quickly avert themselves. Namaari had been staring at her.

Raya turns back around, suddenly feeling feverish, and begins, “Um. I—We…” Raya, suddenly lost for words, wonders what exactly did happen between them.

TITLE TBD - Puss in Boots x Death

(please just bare with me)

→ blurb: Puss has had many adventures since his last encounter with Death, but now his time is up. As promised, Death is there to catch him when he falls and deliver him between worlds and into Deaths realm. But what they didn't expect was an understanding to form between them without hostility. Puss and Death spend a minute and a lifetime together as they travel through Puss’ past and into his future, and when he has a decision to make—reincarnate or stay a lost soul—he decides he doesn't hate the inbetween option: staying by Death's side.

→ featuring: established kitty/puss, fairytails, headcannons of future puss adventures, canon personalities, headcannons on Deaths backstory, vulnerablity, friendship, etc. idk yet man.

→ excerpt:

But at the top of that hill, under that shade, in that breeze, El Lobo explains that there wasn't a childhood to have. He was born death, and he would die death. “How… does that work, anyway? How does death… die?”

The Weight of a Thousand Words (i will never be able to say out loud) - Erwin Smith x Levi Ackerman

→ blurb: The minute details of Levis life after Erwins Death, basically.

→ featuring: depression, sleep deprivation, suicidal thoughts, ackerbond, hange <3, eren, armin, whoever else idk, hurt/little comfort, regrets, violence, etc.

→ excerpt:

Oh, the hopelessness of watching a parent cry. Hange feels this hopelessness now as tears stain her shoulder. Levi is silent all the while. The silence speaks a thousand unspoken words she wishes he would just scream.

On the Winning Side - Erwin x Levi (<3)

→ blurb: In the midst of a national conflict, Commander Erwin Smith of Marley and Captain Levi Ackerman of Paradis Island find themselves on opposite sides of a bitter war, each determined to lead their nation to victory. But when fate intervenes and their paths unexpectedly cross, sparks fly in ways neither could have imagined. As they navigate the treacherous waters of love amidst duty and honor, they must confront whether their newfound bond can survive the brutal realities of war. Will their love conquer all, or will the ravages of battle leave them both brusied and bloody beyond repair?

→ featuring: violence, gore, politics, cultural references(?), smut, vulgar language and description, romeo-and-juliet-esque, enemies to lovers on an entire diff level, betrayal, etc. more tbd.

→ no excerpt yet...

thats it. PLEASEEE let me know what you think, itll drive me to finish and post these (on ao3/wattpad)

©All Rights Reserved. Plagarism not authorized.

[couragehopelovefaith]

The ranking of every Taylor Swift-song I've heard

tolerate it

Dear Reader

Castles Crumbling

Chloe Or Sam Or Sophia Or Marcus

You're Losing Me

Nothing New

This Love

mirrorball

Tell Me Why

happiness

So Long, London

You All Over Me

it's time to go

Change

champagne problems

my tears ricochet

The Archer

Never Grow Up

The Great War

epiphany

Come In With The Rain

State Of Grace

hoax

Forever Winter

Ronan

Should've Said No

this is me trying

Safe & Sound

Foolish One

New Year's Day

peace

coney island

The Story Of Us

Clara Bow

Haunted

Tied Together With A Smile

Back To December

cowboy like me

A Place In This World

Breathe

Renegade

Better Man

Cruel Summer

I Hate It Here

Bigger Than The Whole Sky

The Last Time

I Did Something Bad

If This Was A Movie

You Are In Love

exile

We Were Happy

Death By A Thousand Cuts

Would've, Could've, Should've

Untouchable

Wonderland

Innocent

evermore

Afterglow

Dear John

Paper Rings

Forever & Always (piano)

Now That We Don't Talk

Don't Blame Me

The Way I Loved You

White Horse

the lakes

Eyes Open

cardigan

You're Not Sorry

You're On Your Own, Kid

"Slut!"

Cassandra

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

Holy Ground

the 1

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

Wildest Dreams

Sad Beautiful Tragic

Enchanted

All Too Well (10 min version)

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)

All You Had To Do Was Stay

Fifteen

Is It Over Now?

Peter

Long Live

I Can Do It With A Broken Heart

Clean

The Other Side Of The Door

Sparks Fly

loml

State Of Grace (acoustic)

Cold As You

I Bet You Think About Me

Crazier

Girl At Home

I'd Lie

The Albatross

marjorie

mad woman

Run

I Knew You Were Trouble

The Tortured Poets Department

It's Nice To Have A Friend

Stay Beautiful

The Manuscript

I'm Only Me When I'm With You

The Prophecy

Midnight Rain

I Look In People's Windows

Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince

ivy

Carolina

Better Than Revenge

illicit affairs

That's When

I Forgot That You Existed

Dancing With Our Hands Tied

 Dorothea

Fresh Out The Slammer

Babe

Fortnight

 Come Back... Be Here

Snow On The Beach (both versions)

Superstar

Soon You'll Get Better

The Moment I Knew

All Of The Girls You've Loved Before

How Did It End?

willow

Picture To Burn

ThanK you aIMee

 Sweet Nothing

Who's Afraid Of Little Old Me?

Treacherous

A Perfectly Good Heart

Robin

august

vigilante shit

All Too Well

Daylight

 The Lucky One

Begin Again

 Jump Then Fall

I Can See You

Bejeweled

Love Story

 Call It What You Want

Say Don't Go

long story short

Message In A Bottle

But Daddy I Love Him

 High Infidelity

no body, no crime

Labyrinth

the last great american dynasty

Shake it Off

Lavender Haze

right where you left me

 closure

Stay Stay Stay

Tim McGraw

Anti-Hero

'tis the damn season

Our Song

The Black Dog

 Forever & Always

Bad Blood

Look What You Made Me Do

 Cornelia Street

Today Was A Fairytale

 We Are Never Getting Back Together

Teardrops On My Guitar

I Think He Knows

So It Goes...

 You Need To Calm Down

 Florida!!!

 Mine

Everything Has Changed

Mean

Fearless

 Speak Now

I Know Places

Mary's Song (Oh My My My)

Last Kiss

Bad Blood (remix)

 Starlight

The Very First Night

 Timeless

 When Emma Falls In Love

New Romantics

ME!

Bye Bye Baby

 Out Of The Woods

Getaway Car

 My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

...Ready For It?

End Game

Hey Stephen

 Style

 Red

Lover

The Bolter

The Best Day

 Guilty As Sin?

 I Almost Do

Gorgeous

 Don't You

Karma

 You Belong With Me

Hits Different

 22

 Mastermind

Suburban Legends

Blank Space

 Superman

Karma (remix)

False God

invisible string

Paris

The Man

 The Outside

So High School

I Wish You Would

imgonnagetyouback

betty

 Question...?

gold rush

Down Bad

How You Get The Girl

Invisible

The Alchemy

King Of My Heart

 London Boy

Hopefully I remembered everything..

[songs-about-girls-like-me]

chapter 12: my love for sleepovers, explained

(a/n this one is kinda long and kinda soppy but I can't make it sound different. I've tried, sorry lol)

It was november, and I was the only one left to turn 11 now cause we were at Ella's house for her birthday. She was technically turning 11 next monday but I was already getting some "you, baby" comments from her and she was having me and Liv over for a sleepover. It was the first Time I was visiting her house and it's wild to think we only spent three whole school years hanging out in that room, cause it really became That Room for my early teenager self. Shoutout Ella's 2010-2013 room, you'll be remembered forever.

So, let me backtrack a bit. I had been to one (1) Sleepover, with a capital S, before. Olivia and I would sleep at each other's houses every so often, but we wouldn't really consider them sleepovers (e.g. that Time we threw a chair down her staircase was originally us trying to rearrange her TV room for us to sleep there). The proper Sleepover I had ever been to, we were at least 10 or 15 girls and it had been some months ago during 4th grade.

I had cried because of my phobia to that specific food and some girls tried to console me but I asked them to please stay away. Later, I ate like four giant muffins I still dream of to this day cause they were THAT good and managed to forget about my phobia. Then at some point in the night, I got on a couch and pretended to be Justin Bieber at a concert and said stuff like "I love all of you, beautiful girlies" to my classmates, everyone wearing pijamas. I sang a bit of Baby and they all screamed and pretended to want to touch my hands and stuff, as if I was on stage and then I literally caused a physical fight (lol) between Max (who was an asshole) and another classmate who was the most obsessed with Justin, cause I was singing directly to one of them or something along those lines. I don't remember, but I do know I was never cautious when playing a flirt as a kid lol. And so they started playing fight over Justin Bieber, and then actually fighting, cause Max could get on everyone's nerves. In a matter of seconds, between the pillow punches and the pushing and screaming, we all saw real red blood and stopped playing. Max had a blody nose, and then the other girl ALSO got a bloody nose. Never underestimate the might of the bond between a girl and her "loml celebrity". She's not messing around lol.

To be honest, I was a bit amused when both girls literally ended up with blood dripping down their faces for my Justin impersonation, even more because Max was always mocking me and she said "I'd pay for that". And I shrugged and laughed, which always felt like victory. I still apologized to my other classmate and to everyone else for causing the fight cause it did felt a bit out of line, but they all agreed I was not the one to blame and said it had been very funny. The rest of the night I was kinda bored cause I didn't have a friend there cause Liv hadn't been invited. And the homemade oatmeal facemasks we did were confusing to me, even if they smelled nice, and then i fell asleep early while everyone watched "Sleepover" (that movie from 2004 starring the girl from Spy Kids) cause the plot was boring and why were they stealing a dude's boxers?

Later I woke up to some girls trying to prank me, told them I was actually awake (lie) and asked them to "please chill" and they actually let me be, to wake up the next day hoping my mom would arrive before they gave us eggs for breakfast cause I hate eggs. And even if it had been fun, I was ready to go home to my sisters and stuff. I don't know how to put it but I think that whole story is exactly what my status was on the social hierarchy at the Time lol. And even if that's a core memory, it was not even comparable to this Sleepover.

Ella had explained that her parents had moved her to the ground floor bedroom because her 3 year old brother was taking the room they used to share upstairs. He had a Cars bedframe. Ella said she didn't have a walk-in closet anymore but the bedroom itself was cooler and she had a bathroom of her own and a double bed. She was being a biiiit of a show off that day at school but I guessed it was fair to allow it since it was her birthday. She had only invited me and Olivia from school, but she also invited her childhood bestie, and two other girlfriends who were family friends or something and must have been 13 at least.

I remember changing into our pijamas for the evening, leaving all of my stuff on Ella's mini couch in one corner of her room. I was wearing a pijama set, as the rest of the girls lol. Mine was from Barbie, in a green, hot pink and white colorway. I loved that the top was one of those that look like you're wearing a short-sleeves over a long-sleeves. The oldest girl was wearing a tank top and pijama shorts and I remember being so impressed by how chill and cool she looked. We then just hung out and Ella showed us around the house in our socks, carrying our stuffed animals around. She and I obviously used the open space of her kitchen to practice our pirouettes and grand battements. We played music on someone's iPod and spent a long Time doing our hair in Ella's bathroom and I think during these hours my brain released a ridiculous amount of dopamine cause I can remember it as if I had lived it many Times. There were multiple hair straightners and one of them was cheetah print, and it all made me feel like I had been transported to a movie bedroom or a music video set. I had never used a hair straightener but I loved it the minute I passed the heat over my hair. I had naturally quite straight hair, with just some wave to it, but I still straightened it to the max and the quality of it changed to feel way silkier and flowy, just the way healthy hair does with heat. It fell beautifully over my shoulders over my Barbie pijama shirt. It moved so nicely when I danced and I was screaming singing in the bathroom mirror with a bunch of girls, my two best friends included. I put one side of my hair behind my ear. It looked so pretty. But it also looked so nice when I put both sides behind my both ears. And when I would run my hands through it making it really messy. I looked so pretty. And everyone around me was so pretty and so fun in my eyes. I loved how it looked. My hair, myself and the scene I was in, but I was too bussy dancing to 2010's pop to have realisations about any of it which was awsome. Ella showed me the tiny purple hair straightner she used everyday to do her side bangs for school and I actually thought it was fucking amazing that she had a mini-sized straightner. We all danced almost screaming these lyrics I barely even knew. My hair was so straight and I just kept passing the straightener over it for fun, when Olivia entered the bathroom.

"Who's straightening my hair?"

"Me" I said.

"Look! Your bones are showing!" Ella was pointing at Olivia's hip bones.

"Huh?" went Liv.

"Look. These little bones. Ugh, that's so cool. I wish I had that!"

"Uhm" Liv just shrugged. "I just have them"

"Mine also show!" I said looking down above the waist band of my pijama pants.

"Uhm..." Ella took a look. "Nah, not that much"

I frowned. Looked in the mirror.

"Yes, they do." I went. I didn't know if she was being sincere or not, or maybe she didn't want to be the only one with no hip bones showing. I didn't care much and shurgged too.

"Why am I so fat?!!" Half-screamed Ella.

"You're not fat!!!!! Jesus!!!" Everyone said something similar.

"You're so fucking pretty, Ella" said Victoria, one of her older friends. She was two years above us at school and took the school transport with her. She really cursed so much but she sounded edgier than us. "Say it with me: I am really hot" Ella laughed but said she wasn't. Then the six of us started a communal discussion going "Yes, you are" - "You're wrong". Victoria was aggressively stating Ella was skinny and pretty and even very hot, and it was very funny to witness and she was laughing a lot too. And in the end, Olivia started fighting her physically cause that was their thing, and they would end up bitting each other. Which always made everyone laugh about how violent they both could get. But no actual blood was spilt.

In the midst of that, someone asked if we should play to be "Miss Universe" contestants and do a runway show. And the dopamine in my head had another peak at the idea cause it sounded genius. They said we should even do a talent show round and I took a jumping rope from Ella's coat rack. I did my number, doing double jumps and all, and everyone said I was really good and I was ecstatic cause they seemed genuinely surprised. I told them I had learnt from watching Jump In. I remember Ella and her childhood bestie chose to sing, and each of them did a song and we turned the lights out to pretend to be at a concert or something, with the rest of us crammed up in the bed. I liked both of their numbers and we cheered and clapped for them as if they deserved grammy nominations.

Later we had cake upstairs, in the kitchen, with Ella's mom and brother. Her mom took pictures and we all cheered for Ella's 11th year of life. We also had dinner and I was glad we had quesadillas. After a while they left us to be alone and Victoria asked if we wanted to play "Never Have I Ever", which I had never played but they said it was kind of like "Truth or Dare" and I was down. We played with glasses of water, sitting crossed legged on the kitchen chair, feeling the wood against my socks.

Never had I ever kissed anyone, dated anyone, liked two people at a Time, or liked a girl. But I had had a crush and had liked a friend. Both were Brody, who now I thought was lame and was currently "dating" Mia after the school camp, but it still counted. Most things I had never done but I was still giggling and having a great Time and we all were screaming from Time to Time. I couldn't stop giggling and moving around in my chair, listening to everyone telling stories. Olivia was almost the same as I, but she had kissed someone (she would tell this crazy story about a kindergarten kiss and even a kindergarten boyfriend, but I felt like she was lying about the boyfriend cause the other Time she had told me that story, she also added in the fact that she had lockers in kindergarten and that she had locked herself inside hers for a whole school day to miss all her classes. Which seemed completely made up, no matter how different London kindergarten could be. I couldn't be completely sure, though.) Ella had kissed her neighbor, a dude a year older than us, and I was screaming with butterflies at the story and she was blushing and we all teased her about it. Her other three friends had even dated. The bubbly feeling in my heart was so fun to have around.

That sleepover was the first Time I straightened my hair on my own and the first Time I straightened someone else's hair, and the first Time I watched "Aquamarine", and the first Time I heard the term "make out" and the term "hook up", and even if I had already known about s* x for two years by then, I think the concept of "feeling someone up while kissing" (as they described it) lowkey changed my brain irreversibly, even more since the concept was being used talking about people who were just two years above us. I was a bit shook to my core, even more than when I had found out about oral s* x and p* rn. We chatted for what felt like hours back in Ella's room, sitting on what would become the iconic green rug until we went to sleep. Good sleepovers feel a bit like punching a hole into normal life to me, like a weird pocket of spacetime. To this day I can feel it, when going to sleep really late after a really good Time with my friends, when I am not sad or in my head or realising heavy stuff, and I feel as if nothing really bad could reach me. The world stops existing until we wake up. Sort of like AM by 1d lol.

The next morning my mom picked me up early cause we had weekend plans or something and she was a bit on her nerves cause I was taking really long to go out to the car. I was finishing straightening someone's hair sitting on the unmade bed while watching the last bit of Aquamarine. And I don't know how, but I felt like I was the master of hair straightning and no one questioned it. I wore my clothes from the day before and still felt really happy and surprised about how pretty my hair was. I wished a happy birthday to Ella for the millionth Time after laughing our heads off to some idiot joke, and got in the backseat of the car to lay down, talking to my mom who thankfully got in a good mood quickly. I was still happy with the sleepover fever.

[herdreamywasteland]

Her

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She was born at 7:52 PM, with meconium in her throat and unmoving limbs. The nurses whisked her away to vacuum her lungs and place her in an incubator that didn’t work. What a lovely way to start life. 

When she was a baby, she cried all night. She didn’t eat or sleep, and threw up everything she was offered. It was a miracle she made it to one. When she woke up and wouldn’t go back to sleep, her father would stand outside and rock her, looking up at the stars. It was the only way she would close her eyes and stop wailing. She loved stars. 

She still does. Every time she wants to disappear forever, she looks at the stars, and knows she is alone. And that is comforting. 

She was the child that always had the sniffles, missed birthday parties because of the stomach flu, and slept through half of kindergarten. Every time she would go to school, she would get sick by the end of the month. She was almost held back in fifth grade, because her attendance was terrible.

In sixth grade, her and her friends predicted the apocalypse. January 1, 2020, the world would end. And she looked forward to it. January 1 came and went, and nothing happened. She was disappointed, but she was sure the apocalypse was just delayed. February came, and nothing happened, except for Valentine's Day, which she hated. Then March. 

It was the last day of school before spring break. She made sure to hug all her friends. The weather was balmy with the sun dappling the ground. It was too warm for March and several of them made jokes about how it felt like the first day before summer. 

At first, an extra week of spring break sounded fun. Just because some virus was getting people sick, didn’t mean she and her sister couldn’t wreck more havoc. One week turned to three, three to six, and six to unknown.

She was tired of her sister, she was tired of her dad, she was tired of her mom, and she was tired of life. So she decided to do something about it. And that something was stupid. 

She got caught the first time, so she learned to hide it better. Her parents made an appointment with a therapist, and she didn’t want to go. She wrote out three escape plans, analyzing the risk, benefit, and challenges of each one. 

In the end, she decided to go.

His name was Paul, and he looked like a grandfather. He was soft and smelled like cologne, the kind of cologne that seemingly every man over 60 wears. She felt bad telling him why she was there, so she made up stories. 

Demons in the walls, seeing things that weren’t there, crying all the time. Everything had a kernel of truth, because that’s how the best lies are told. And she didn’t get better.

She got worse, and by December, she was still sick. Now her thighs hurt all the time, but she was better at hiding the pain, better at hiding the dumb things she did. And it felt good. Good to lie, good to hurt, good to be worthless. 

Everyone told her she wasn’t alone, and that was the problem. She wanted to be alone. Nobody would let her.

Then, her mom decided Paul wasn’t the right fit. She got sent to a lady, Maria. Maria was nice, a mother who didn’t worry too much about doctor-patient confidentiality, as long as she didn’t name names.

The girl liked Maria, and told less fabricated truths. Words that were true, but not the whole truth. 

She knew she was going to hell for lying so much, but she didn’t care. If anyone knew what she thought, she would be in hell anyway. 

Maria called another woman, Ramsey, to look at the girl. Ramsey diagnosed her with issues. Phobias and depressions, lack of one chemical, too much of another. It was almost funny how perfect it was; a sick brain for a sick body. 

She didn’t listen too hard, as she was busy reading the patient files that Ramsey had left open on the computer. 

Really, it was a stupid thing to do. Now she knew all about an autistic boy who tried to kill his mother, and a mousy girl who jumped at every sound. 

They put her on medication, but the medication made her worse. They pumped her chock full of serotonin, but that just made her want to hurt. Not herself, others.

The serotonin was a bad idea, so they gave her another medication, and upped the dosage to astronomical levels. They decided to treat her brain, even if it meant killing her liver. 

It’s 7:52 PM, over 15 years later, and she’s still just as sick as the day she was born. 

But when it gets too bad, she goes outside at night, just like her father taught. She goes outside, and stares straight up, till her neck hurts. 

She stands like that, glaring up at the pinpricks of stars, and knowing she’s all alone.

And that is comforting.