#i haven't properly talked to. any friends in a while except for those i see at school T___T sorry. sobbing

[astrxealis]

nonexistent social battery 😞 <//3

[bil-daddy]

hi mr bildad um im just gonna dump this here since i have no one else to talk to

as someone who has always praised in their ability to be friends with anyone (i also need human interaction to survive btw) ive been feeling very lonely, especially since now are the school holidays.

my best friend (who is one year older than me) is barely online and doesn't take me seriously enough. and when i ask my friend group (with 2 other people my age) if they want to go out nothing happens. ive asked so many times but it's like they just don't want to hang out. and i keep seeing them post everywhere of them having fun with their OTHER friends (i don't know them bc they're from their primary schools; we are in secondary school now). and the obvious solution is to hang out with my primary school friends, right? well awesome news I DONT HAVE ANY.

and like ive just been feeling really really lonely especially today. i don't even text anyone except for my best friend, and even then she doesnt really respond properly because its like i dump a lot of messages and 4 hours later she skims through them, rinse and repeat.

(also side note i used to have another best friend but he ended up having a crush on me and didn't give me space so i kinda ended the friendship bc i wasn't comfortable with it)

during my entire TWO MONTH school holiday i haven't gone out with friends. not even once. while i see everyone else my age having so much fun and enjoying life while i just rot at home scrolling through tumblr.

so yeah im not really having a great time. hopefully when i get back to school in january things will be better

sorry for the long rant

Hey, kid (human). No need to apologize for the long rant. Actually, I've got a lot to say about this topic, too, so take a toilet break, grab a beverage and a snack, then sit down with your deal old Bildaddy (platonic, metaphorical) for a chat.

First off, sorry you're going through this. It hurts a lot when friends start fading away, and you realize they no longer consider you as close and you consider them. Feeling left out and like you don't have any real friends seriously sucks.

But it's actually something every single person goes through at some time or another--though most of us aren't brave enough to admit it like you have, because it feels embarrassing and shameful. Like there's something wrong with you.

There isn't.

There is nothing wrong with you.

Friends come and go, and 99% of the time it has nothing to do with you, or anything you've said or done. It isn't your fault. That doesn't mean it hurts any less, but it isn't your fault.

But that being said, I promise you, for every person you see pictures of having so much fun and enjoying life, there are twenty--probably even more--at home like you, scrolling tumblr, or tiktok, or reddit, or whatever the kids are scrolling these days.

And even those people you see posting pictures, that isn't their everyday life. They post pics of the good times, not the bad ones (well not usually) or the boring ones. Especially not the boring ones. I bet they do more sitting at home and scrolling than you think. They're just not advertising that for all their followers to see.

But that's not the point. The point is (dolphins! goats!) your current friends aren't fulfilling your need for socialization. And that means you need to find some new friends, anon.

You can still stay friends with your best friend and that old friend group. As in, don't send them a message officially ending the friendship, and don't delete and/or block them everywhere. You can still talk to them in school when you see them.

(Do unfollow them on social media if seeing them hang without you is upsetting--or better yet, pause on using social media entirely--except for tumblr, of course--until you're in a better place, mentally and emotionally. Bildaddy deleted instagram five years ago and never went back.)

But starting today, back off on asking these friends to hang out, and sending long text messages to your best friend that she only skims through. They're not matching your energy, so you need to start matching theirs. Either they'll notice the difference and start making more of an effort (no, not that kind), or they won't and they won't. But either way, you'll stop wasting your time.

Next, you take all the energy you were spending on your old friend group and start looking for new friends.

While you're still on winter break, there might not be as many opportunities, but there are some possibilities. Do you have any cousins around your age who might wanna hang out? Or maybe there are local events aimed at teenagers you can attend? Check libraries and community centers. Or on New Year's Eve, there might be some sort of Parents Night Out event you can volunteer for and help babysit a group of little kids, along with other teenagers that you could befriend?

Then, when winter break ends, look around your school for other students who might be in your same situation--and trust me there are others in your same situation. Is there someone who always sits alone at lunch? Or what about that kid in class who's too shy to speak up? Is there someone getting bullied or ostracized? Someone new to the school who hasn't made any friends yet? Look for the ones who might need a friend as much--or even more--than you do and try to befriend them.

It won't always work, no, cause nothing always works. But it will work sometimes. And you only need it to work enough times to make a couple friends. And if you make the right friend, they might have a friend group that you can join.

I know it's really scary to put yourself out there and make the first move. But you'd be surprised how receptive people are, especially the shy ones who are too scared to say 'hi' first, and rely on the braver ones, like you, for the human connection they need. Because we all need it. (Even me. Because I'm totally 100% human.)

Other ways to make friends are clubs, in school and out of school, which is probably what adults will suggest if you ask them, so I'm not going to spend much time on this. But they're right. If you're not already in clubs--academic, sports, art, books, music, anime, whatever your interest(s) is--join some! If there's nothing of interesting at your schools, churches and other local organizations might also have youth clubs and activities, too.

Shared interests in a sure way to make friends. I see it happening all the time on Tumblr. Those mutuals you wish didn't live so far away? Well, you can find mutuals just like them IRL! (Especially if you start or join a book club that reads Good Omens, or a tv show club that watches Good Omens)

Another option is getting a part-time job at a place other teenagers work. If this is something you can do without disrupting your schoolwork, try it. Fast food restaurants, cinemas, places like that.

You say you're someone who has the ability to be friends with anyone? Well, prove it! This isn't a threat, by the way. This is encouragement. I'm encouraging you.

Now go out there and make some friends, kid! I know you can do it! I believe in you, and everybody here is rooting for you.

And, as always, have an ox rib (platonic)

[mild-lunacy]

The Women in Refrigerators

I've been reading a fantasy that's not a romance by an author I didn't know for decades (for whom I make exceptions), and it's the Tuyo series I recently talked about considering. I was thinking further about books I used to read before my romance fixation began, many more of which had been written by male authors, and the issues that led me-- again and again-- to quit those books in disgust. These are books I really enjoyed-- I considered them well-written, fun, engaging. I'm still a fan of Jim Butcher and Robert Jackson Bennett and haven't written them off entirely in my mind. I plan to come back to them, but. But. The trust has been broken, with these and other male fantasy and sci-fi authors, more than once. More than twice. Many times.

Thinking about how they broke my trust-- Bennett and Butcher specifically, but also others-- I realize what they have in common is the use of fridging, or the Women in Refrigerators trope.

If you read the book(s) in question, it's not like it stands out so horribly-- I mean, there's a plot reason for what happens to kill the female love interest. (Though in one egregious case I remember, the female main character dies after she actually has a baby, with the man who becomes the male main character after her death). It's not like I can't see why the woman 'has to die'. And yet-- mysteriously-- the male best friend almost never dies. The male love interest almost never dies in a non-romantic fantasy/sci-fi that nevertheless has a love interest, written by a female author. It's always that the men feel the need to do this. It just never clarified itself to me that this is what led me to quit reading and retreat to fanfic and/or romance, again and again.

In the case of Jim Butcher, this is an author I had trusted for decades (since the Dresden books are an old series). He has killed a love interest before, but she wasn't a major character, so it wasn't so bad. It's okay to kill minor love interests-- to be clear, plenty of female authors, even female authors writing fantasy romance do this. By 'minor', I mean they aren't super integral to the series, the books don't set them up at any great length, and they're 'just' a love interest.

For example, Sarah J Maas really loves killing off early male love interests in all her fantasy book series-- like clockwork. Same with Kim Harrison. The thing is, though, these early lost love interests-- while painful-- are nevertheless very clearly not that important overall. I don't even know how to explain this properly-- but there's a way to kill off love interests that doesn't feel gross. I don't know if I'd call it 'respectful'. Maybe? The Kim Harrison Hollows books have Rachel's vampire boyfriend, Kisten, die early on. It's a big character impact moment for Rachel, just as Dresden's girlfriends die and have an impact on Harry Dresden. But not so much of an impact on him. Or perhaps it's just a more self-centered kind of impact, possibly.

I don't want to tempt fate, but I'm reasonably certain female authors in general, and Maas or Harrison in particular, wouldn't kill off one half of an 'endgame' pairing. They'd face a reader rebellion, of course. But it's not even that.

I think it's the way these women die, and how they die no matter how important they are. No matter what, the feeling becomes, a woman is just not that important. Not even if she's the main character (though that's going a little far, to be fair).

It's not that I'm saying endgame pairings should have to be sacred or untouchable. It's more subtle than that, although maybe I'd even argue that. If you've spent book after book setting up a character arc and a relationship and built many arcs on top of it, to just discard it is disrespectful both to your characters and your readers, who've been there every step of the way. I guess it's just this sudden realization that they're 'just' characters, and on top of that, 'just' a love interest, and even, possibly, 'just' a female character. That last part is almost certainly uncharitably harsh-- it's just impossible to avoid the feeling.

The thing I like about series about a single character-- the thing I look for entirely outside any interest in romantic pairings-- is just this feeling of being with characters in other worlds that I know well, that I'm enjoying spending time with. They're my friends, almost. I'm 'friends' with Harry Dresden, in a sense, moreso than a 'fan'. And this is the context in which things happen. It's not that I take things personally, but rather that I want things to resolve in a way that's satisfying and comfortable, even if death is involved. With the death of Kisten in the Hollows series, that comfort is about the main character's memory of Kisten, the way he's framed and understood and contextualized later on. Just like in real life, death exists as part of the tapestry of life, and sometimes it's sudden, shocking and raw. But in stories I enjoy, it is... appropriate.

It's a hard thing to explain, except that I know when there's a lack of that respect, that sense of appropriateness. And I know this happens with some regularity with male authors writing about women. How very cliche.

[starstrvckfool]

We haven't gotten any updates on Qiang and company's journey recently :0 , What's going on with you all!

Ok so it has been a while since I've updated you guys (reason being the DM and players have been very busy with personal activities for school and stuff)

BUT I will update you on what happened last few sessions :3

Part 1

So qiang ended up going to the apeling village and founded out that it was refurbished and turned into a full blown KINGDOM of course we look around and the ground finds out there's a fruit festival going back on

Time skip a bit later where important stuff happens, qiang confronts the imposter and finds its actually LiuYin! (Liuyin is a mimick half apeling! 🫶) Who you guessed it is the macaque of the group, LiuYin explains that after a big fire they didn't know what to do because the kingdom was really panicked so they took qiangs place expecting to only do it for a couple of days and then go back to normal life, but those days ended up turning to year's.

Qiang is understanding towards this answer, we get introduced to a new character called MeiGuei (I think that's how her name is spelled I forgor) who looks rather not like a monkey, or she does but she just doesn't fit in with the rest. But qiang doesn't think anything of it because his romantic partner liuyin is quite literally a half and half of two species anyways so she isn't judgey.

Liuyin has qiang promise not to tell his friends that they were the imposter this whole time, qiang doesn't break this promise and agrees

Liuyin puts on a disguise and Upon them getting introduced to qiangs friends they're rather friendly except jinli, he's kinda thinking everything is really sketchy.

Fast forward to more important plot points, qiang doesn't know how to properly give a speech as king (he hasn't been at the kingdom in 20 year's since he was a prince so he didn't exactly learn alot about being a proper king) so liuyin ends up doing it but UH OH the group spots the imposter and guess what they didn't know it was liuyin So jinli and shichen go to investigate when they go to the festival banquet.

They both leave qiang and go to investigate and end up confronting the imposter, jinli attacks and when qiang catches up he sees the whole thing and tried to break the two apart, this goes sorta fine until qiangs parents come up, liuyin not wanting to get caught being an imposter apologises to qiang in monkey chatter before running off. Qiangs parents see the group and ask qiang what happened because they heard a struggle. The group tries to lie but also explain what they heard at the same time and man our roles were SO BAD BUDDY HAHEJF they didn't believe any of us so they told qiang to go leave to take care of the banquet while they dealt with jinli and shichen, qiang can't talk back to his parents because *COUGH* LORE so she has to agree, again apologizing to jinli and shichen before leaving the hall.

At this point jinli and shichen are pissed at qiang, they don't exactly trust her very much anymore and feel hurt.

So the parents put jinli and shichen in jail, and while that happened qiang got to feel guilty about his actions and slow dance with his lover

And then we left off at a cliffhanger.

Ok part 2

Shichen and jinli are not having a good time in jail, jinli is pissed off swearing he's gonna kill qiang when he gets his hands on him while shichen is like, "please don't do that, I'm made just as you are but it's important fornthe journey"

So they end up talking for a bit until shichen as the idea to explain to the guards they're situation in hopes they'll let them go. After some explaining and some pretty good rolls, they're convinced so jinli and shichen end up out of the prison, YIPPE

Back with qiang, he's having a nice time but again is ridden with guilt especially when tang asked where the others are and qiang just says,"oh they're around" and manages to get qiang to believe him because he's a very gullible monk. It gets late and liuyin says they're going to sleep at a different place while qiang can sleep in his room now since he's back.

Qiang goes to his room and finds that some things are different, on the dresser there are letters but he doesn't wanna read them since they could be private, he senses something in the closet and looks in, previously liuyin kept a magical shadow cloak in the closet but it turns out it was gone which she found pretty strange. And lastly the bed, qiang senses a giant illusion spell on it which is really weird, he manages to dispell it and reveals a small hall of stairs that go up yo the roof, upon going up shichen and jinli manages to catch up with qiang.

All of them question alot of things and qiang goes up the stairs and they follow.

They hear two voices, liuyin in his real form and a new voice, she sounds cold and stern somebody the group has seen before (we theorize that it's the lady bone demon 👀) LiuYin is talking to the demon as if they're negotiating something or the demon is the boss of liuYin. They also stole a red magical sash which is an important artifact the group stole from yin and Jin that bailong seems very protective of. When the two leave shichen and jinli immediately want to investigate and stuff but qiang accidentally let's a sentence slips out which gives away liuYins secret

"Personally I don't want you guys tackling my partner to the floor-"

"Your partner?!"

So yeah they very much want an explanation, and shichen tells qiang that if they have to fight liuyin they will and qiang has to be either with them or Against (ouch)

They go to the hotel to explain things to tang and bailong and then go to the library and that's where liuyin is inna disguise, but because they've already seen this disguise jinli attacks. jinli resorts to violence and because liuyin doesn't like randomly getting tackled it ends up scratching jinlis face which does alot of damage (jinli now has a scar) qiang gets between them and asks liuyin to explain the situation because everybody needs answers.

We find out that liuyin is working for the demon we heard (not against their will tho it's for a different reason that I can't remember but it's not a bad reason dw) liuyin does NOT like qiangs friends anymore and constantly throughout the session asks qiang if he's sure he wants to continue on this journey

Part 3

It's now the middle of the night so they have no choice but to rest up, we all roll and it ends up with qiang and shichen have nightmares while jinli slept like a baby. Wonderful!

In the morning theyre all feeling very tense, there's a feeling of distrust anxiety and worry in the group, they know today is the day to leave so because jinli and shichen are still wanted criminals, tang goes up to liuyin (who's back disguised as qiang) and asks for a pardon, meanwhile shichen sees a magical cloak and BUM BUM it's a voidwalker and it's wearing the magical shadow cloak that went missing. Shichen holds the voidwalker up to make sure it doesn't get away and qiang is close enough to see what's happening and then

It goes into the shadows WITH shichen, meaning shichen is now MISSING. Qiang is already stress out as it is so now she's even more stressed, qiang tells jinli so they both along with bailong end up looking for shichen and he ended up in a tree (shichen is very fearful of going up trees and isn't the best at climbing) qiang does a little "dw guys I'll help him down" and climbs up there easily to try and get shichen down, but jinli just gets the BEST IDEA to get them down, the shake the tree.

In the end only qiang got knocked down due to a very high roll by shichen, but by the second time the big blue lion ended up coming down, and bailong caught him so HORRAY!

when they finally get shichen tang id being escorted to the group by liuYin and MeiGuei, which they all realize they can leave and continue their journey.

Qiang is very hesitant to leave but knows she has too, so saying his goodbyes in monkey chatter to liuyin they say one final message for qiang

"don't let the other's get you in trouble"

Qiang just nods and after that they CONTINUE THEY'RE JOURNEY WESTWARDS ‼️‼️

and that concludes the apeling kingdom, I was meant to make many drawings based off it but i got sidetracked with school and OC work aswell as me being hyperfixated on LMK but ya that's what happened

[owlseeingchaos]

Welcome to the blog!

I'm Owlkhemy (she/they preferred, but no real issues with anything else)!

As I've stated back on my main @owlkhemy, I don't like to get too fandomy on main. So here's a non-main blog for me to fangirl in! Yay!

As with my other blogs, general warning here for the bucketloads of swearing I tend to do. Also a warning that some of my interests get a little... dark or heavy on occasion, so I'll do my best to tag them accordingly. If there's something I've forgotten, please let me know! I love tagging stuff properly.

A long, loooong list of all the stuff I'm a fan of is below the cut. I'll be updating it as I go along and inevitably add things I've forgotten. I'm willing to talk about any of these, so feel free to pop into my askbox!

(Anything with a blue asterisk is something I haven't actually read/played/watched all of, so please be patient with me if I get something wrong. In most of these cases, I've done a thing I like to call "consuming by proxy" - I've read a wiki extensively or watched a Let's Play or something.)

The "current fandom nonsense" indicator in my blog description is which one you're probably going to incessantly see for a while.

Queue is set to 4 posts a day. Initially I was going to say "hopefully it's enough", but more and more I've come to find that I actually don't do enough browsing on here to keep up with much more than that...

You will very quickly find out which characters are my favourite in everything. For the sake of your sanity, don't question why that might be too much in most cases...

The Long-Ass List of All My Interests!

Video Games:

Super Mario Bros. and its various subseries

Sonic the Hedgehog (I've only played the Genesis games, Heroes, Colors, Unleashed, and the "Storybook Series")

Crash Bandicoot, particularly the Radical games and Nitro-Fueled

Namco arcade games (my top four are Mappy, Sky Kid, Phozon, and Bosconian, so I'll probably focus on those)

Petz, especially Petz 5. I have a sideblog for my Petz nonsense, @owlkhemys-creturs.

I also like Petz Dogz/Catz 2. I had Petz Dogz 2, but they're literally identical except for dogs or cats.

Pac-Man, especially Pac-Man World (mostly PMW2, PMW3, and World Rally, which I've played more of than the first PMW)

Undertale* and Deltarune

Minecraft

Spyro the Dragon (I've played the demo of Ripto's Rage, most of Enter the Dragonfly, and quite a bit of A Hero's Tail)

Star Fox, probably mostly 64* (it's on the list! I Will be playing it at some point! I practically have to or else I'll die at this point /j)

Yume Nikki* (also on the list; done extensive wiki reading and watched the occasional gameplay clip)

Bejeweled, especially Bejeweled 3.

Kirby* (I've played a bit of 64)

The Legend of Zelda (I put 5-10 hours into my roomie's copy of Tears of the Kingdom and have plans to play Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask)

No Straight Roads* (also on the list; I've done a good amount of wiki reading)

Team Fortress 2* (also on the list, but not an urgent one; wiki reading)

Speedy Blupi/Eggbert, which I played constantly as a kid

Bendy and the Ink Machine* (did extensive wiki reading)

Dislyte (I've long stopped playing but it's very interesting still)

Cuphead* (wiki reading, plus i was really into Casino Cups)

Cult of the Lamb* (watched a playthrough)

Web Series:

ENA

Happy Tree Friends* (I've only seen a few episodes, but I did read the entire wiki at one point)

I have passing interest in analog horror, even though I'm both an absolute scaredy-cat and dysprosophobic

Webcomics:

Awful Hospital

I also used to be a pretty avid reader of Handplates

Other internet stuff:

I also have a passing interest in lost media

I spend a lot of time on TV Tropes (unfortunately), mostly to absorb random facts

Other stuff in general:

Gravity Falls remains the only show I watched as a child that still has a bit of a grip on me, so the occasion content from that will pop up here.

Real life:

Science. I'm literally about to get my bachelor's. Emphasis on biology and chemistry, because physics and I have a mutual respectful hatred of each other.

Birds, especially owls (as my various usernames would suggest)

Insects and arachnids

Opossums

Really, just wildlife in general, actually?

Space.

Photography

Art

Music

Writing

I haven't read any books in a hot minute, but I like fantasy and sci-fi

[daily-thoughts96]

This whole roommate situation is starting to cause me to be overwhelmed and drained to the point where i don't know what to do with it anymore. My roommate seems to lack understanding of how i'm feeling in this situation. He doesn't care except for my husbands point of view on everything. Involving me just makes him pissed off and angry for no absolute reason. He talks about my husband making changes in his life, but he changed too? My husband changed for a better future, not changing who he is as a person. But my roommate changed as a person. He's not who he says he is and his behavior is beyond my imagination. You'd think therapy would be an outlet to let him know how to properly heal and approach situations. I haven't involved any friends or family in our situation until we were told he was talking to other people. He's told more than three people about the situation and yet, we've only told two friends and my sister about what is happening right now. We didn't involve anyone. We discussed how difficult life has been, but never extended into the whole situation. We kept it on the down low and thought it would be better to keep it between the people who are on the lease of the apartment. Times are tough, but our roommate made it worst. I detect his lies when he speaks about certain things. A liar to me can be spotted a mile away. When you grow up with narcissistic parents, you catch on to lies after cutting them out of your life for good. Now, i wish the situation was better, and not so gruesome, but he made it clear what his intentions are. We are starting to plan ahead with apartments, manufactured homes, or campers to decide what our next place to go is. This whole situation isn't new to us, and we are struggling with the high prices just as much as anyone else is. It's difficult and unruly. We are expected to get our life together, but the economy is screwing with that. Jobs screwing us over, or more so bosses at those jobs. We are expected to live bland, and small. No love to our home. No decor, not comfort. Nothing. We are living within our means, and sometimes we splerg on ourselves because we need a little pick me up. My husband and i aren't perfect by all means. We make mistakes. We don't have it figured out. Some people don't figure it out until they are fifty, or not even at all. My husband and i are in survival mode, and nothing compares to anything else. Would we like to be in a better place? Yes. But sometimes life is just so fucked. This roommate situation is just repeating factors. Except this time i'm being told we are using our roommate, which is wrong on all parts. Some people see using as, you refuse to pay for things. You refuse to help. But my husband and i aren't like that. We want to make sure we do our part, but right now it's not easy. My view of using a person is draining them of every penny they got. I don't ask my roommate for money to pay for our groceries. I don't ask him for money to pay for our hygeine products. I don't ask him to drive me everywhere i need to go. I don't ask him to feed my cat. I don't ask him to pay my other bills(not including rent with those bills). I know how it feels to be drained of every penny. My biological birth giver drained my husband and i of money. She never paid me to watch my siblings while she was at work. She never paid me back the money i helped with paying HER car payments and insurance. She never paid me back for buying my siblings food that she was supposed to buy. She never paid me back for the electronics i had to buy for her. She never paid me back for the wifi i was paying for. I know how it feels to actually be used. It's narcissistic tendencies. I would have had $5,000 saved in a savings account and building interest, but my adopted older sister screwed me out of that. Used me to pawn her own gain. If being paid back is more important than making sure we are actually doing okay, then you have issues. I've loaned money to my sister. And she always paid me back. She's loaned me money, and i always paid her back. I just want better..

[nxrthmizu]

happy birthday — tsukishima kei

pairing | tsukishima kei x reader

genre | fluff

w.c | 1.6k

↪ part two of this

second chance // an opportunity to try something again after failing one time

tsukishima kei wasn't expecting anyone. sure, it was his birthday, but he did have work the next day, and wasn't very keen on drinking himself senseless into the witching hour.

since yamaguchi, his mother, and akiteru had taken it upon themselves to inform half of japan of his birthdate, kei had just spent the past four hours repeating 'thank you' to people ranging from his junior high schoolmates and strangers he had never met. he was certain that 99% of the players involved with the japan volleyball league had shown up, much to the amazement of his museum colleagues.

the bell rings for the third time, and kei is suddenly hyperaware of how annoying the sound is. he had just sat down, for goodness's sake— was it too much to ask for one minute of rest?

with his socializing energy at an all-time-low, kei nearly tears the door off his hinges, greeting his unwelcome visitor with a fierce snarl. "what do you want—" the words clamp down on his throat, breaking his airflow for a whole five seconds as he stares, utterly floored. "... y/n?"

"...hey?" you look sheepish, holding a small, one-cake-slice-sized box in your hand. he's known you long enough to know that you did your makeup on the fly— the tremble of your eyeliner is a sure giveaway. "... uh... is this a bad time? cause i can come back later—"

"no!" he blurts, hands slamming onto the door frame. he hadn't caught a glimpse of you in six months, ever since that fateful night when you walked out through the same door you were now standing in front of. there wasn't a single night in those six, grueling months that he didn't think about you, or the warm feeling of having you contained within his arms. sure, there were nights when you two fought, heading to bed with your backs faced to each other— but when morning came, you would somehow be in his arms, and somehow kei just knew that things would blow over.

except maybe they didn't.

left with too much time to think, he analyzed every little argument the two of you ever had, critically examining every word he uttered. perhaps the break was needed— the two of you needed to take a step backwards, re-assessing what you two wanted for each other, what you two wanted together. what you said that night hadn't be wrong— there were just too many issues being swept under the rug, too many things you weren't communicating about, too many problems he elected to ignore, in hopes that they would just 'blow over'.

"i mean," he clears his throat, lifting his hand off the doorframe, groaning at the paint scratch he caused. "would... would you like to come in?"

mentally, he smacks his forehead. you don't need permission to enter! in his mind, kei still considers the apartment your home, too. even if you haven't stepped foot within its grounds for half a year.

"if that's okay?" you smile softly, holding up your cake box. "you've probably had some already, but i bought your favorite. if you're full, you could have it tomorrow morning, before work?"

"no, no, i'm not that full." kei instantly assures, even though he's already brushed his teeth. on normal circumstances, he would leave it for the next morning, but what was brushing his teeth one more time if he got to talk to you for the first time in over a hundred-eighty days?

you narrow your eyes at him playfully. "don't lie to me, tsukishima kei. i can smell your toothpaste. i'll leave it in the fridge."

a fond smirk dances over his lips as you brush past him into your apartment, leaving your shoes where you always do on the shoe rack. the sound of your sock-clad feet padding past the living room brings a truckload of tension that kei didn't know he had off his shoulders, and all of a sudden, the house feels a thousand times cozier, even if nothing materialistic has changed.

he watches you from the sofa as you bustle around the kitchen, and he knows by the number of beeps on the electric stove that you're boiling water for tea— green, probably. the ration of tea packets are restocked regularly, because when you moved in, you brought your tea addiction with you, too. kei's been lured into drinking it on a daily basis, right after dinner, as a way of calming himself down after a day of work and practice. typically, tea would be accompanied with you, snuggled up against his side as he complained about the kids he met at work that day (you both knew that he had a secret fondness for them, but shhh).

"i hope you don't mind. i made tea." you say, bringing the glass teapot you were adamant on buying a year ago. it was one of the best purchases kei ever made in the apartment, because he was reminded of the worth every single time the two of you did your regular tea routine.

"of course i don't mind." he replies instantly, picking up his mug (the green one with tiny dinos on the edge). "this is still your home, too. you don't have to ask to do anything."

he pretends not to see the flash of surprise across your features.

"right." you murmur, pressing your mug onto your lips, blowing gently on the surface.

the two of you sit in silence for a while, sipping on your tea as the clock ticks onto eleven o' clock. suppressing the urge to ask you to stay, kei taps the surface of his porcelain cup rhythmically, forgetting that you know all his tells, front to back.

"is there something on your mind?" you ask gently, setting your mug down. he grimaces.

"ah... it's nothing." kei brushes off, not wanting to come onto you too quickly. for all he knew, you were just here to deliver the cake, not to reignite whatever was left of the relation he let simmer for too long...

"... right." the tone of your voice spells i-know-you're-lying-to-me,-but-i'll-let-it-go-for-now.

the silence continues, like a set prolonged. it's starting to get on kei's nerves when you (thankfully) speak again.

"happy birthday."

"thank you." even though he's said those words a thousand times that night, it sounds a comparatively much less robotic than it had for the previous thousand times. perhaps it was thousand-first time's the charm. "i mean it. thank you for coming over."

you wave it off. "i couldn't have not come. tadashi sent me an invite, but my boss needed me to work late and i didn't manage to make it."

ah, so that was why his best friend routinely glanced at the entrance nervously throughout the night. that explained a lot.

"i don't mind." kei takes a sip of his green tea, enjoying the warmth that courses through his chest. it isn't warmer than the warmth you give him, though. "i like it like this. ... just the two of us, i mean."

you contemplate him for a moment. "i like it like this, too." you confess quietly, as if whispering a childhood secret to him behind the karasuno gym.

he couldn't bear it any longer. he's always been patient, yes, but he's seen the looks his mother and brother threw him through the night, because they both knew that the one person that really mattered wasn't there. he was pretty sure his mother was just about to introduce him to some random girl before he excused himself for the night.

"will you stay?" he blurts, feeling very un-tsukishima-kei-like. it isn't like him at all, to be brash, and bold, but how can he? for the past four hours, he's talked to countless people— heck, half of them were volleyball celebrities— but not the one he wanted to talk to.

"do you want me to?" you ask softly, shyly, and kei knows that you're thinking if he wants you back— which is stupid, honestly. he knows that you're always thinking that you're lucky to have him, when it should be the other way around. kei doesn't think there's anyone else willing to put up with his dry humor, his hectic schedule, and his dinosaur memorabilia. if anything, he should be the one thanking the gods for letting him have you.

"don't be stupid." he snaps, cringing internally at how his tone came off. "of course i want you to stay, you're the best thing that happened to me. i won't force you, but—"

"i left some clothes here, right?" you cut him off with a hum, and when kei looks into your eyes, he just knows.

there's still a long, long, long way for the two of you to go. there's still plenty of things he needs to learn. there's a pile of issues in the store room that needed to be tended to.

for every million arguments there are a billion conversations where you two need to sit down and work out the knots. for every insecurity, for every misunderstanding, for every conflict, there is a needed effort to clean up the mess properly instead of just sweeping it under the floorboards. but for every tangle there lies between the two of you, there is a universe of room to grow, and change.

kei knows he's willing to make an effort, for you. kei knows that he's willing to do anything to make sure you don't walk out that door without looking back again. kei knows he's willing to do every single thing he can do (and can't) to make it work.

he knows.

he looks into your eyes, and he smiles.

everything is going to be alright.

haikyuu!! taglist: @ryuiki @hikari-writes @whootwhoot @folkloeren @definitely-yours @rirk-ke @cemeiia @animegirlweeb @mitzwinchester @fandomsgotmefucked

[kylecrane]

So, Zofia, got any more secrets or embarrassing stories about Kyle? (Sorry, Kyle, but I am cackling at how brutally honest your more reasonable half is- she's hilarious and I like her!)

Zofia wants to let you know she is not hilarious (though she thanks you). Anyway, uuh- I had this sitting in my drafts for a while and never replied? Shame on me.

He has a set of professional smiles.

Like, okay, listen, he knows what sort of smile to put on for any given situation. There are the disarming smiles, the kind smiles, the sweet smiles, the I'm talking to a wee tadpole of a kid smiles, the I am about to punch your teeth out smiles and so on and so on.

Though just 'cause they are all practiced doesn't mean they can't be genuine, but it's definitely a tool out of his mercenary toolbox. He's big on talking first and I guess that helps.

Anyway, you get one of those smiles if you hand him a present. Because Kyle Crane doesn't know how to deal with presents. It's like you're handing him something that's about to blow up in his face. It's a sad, crooked thing (that particular smile) though I guess maybe if you haven't categorized his smiles you won't notice.

Not that he isn't grateful! He is a grateful person, but he's also a giver kind of person, see. He doesn't do the receiving very well. He'll agonize over what to get you, and then act like you've broken the Geneva convention (RIP) when you give him something. For a short moment, anyway. Then he eventually gets excited and here comes the very invasive hug.

I think we've already established that he's an invasive hugger.

Very clingy.

He's like... the pokey side of a Velcro tape? 'cause he gets all nuzzl-y and 'cause he rarely ever shaves properly?

Though, honestly, thank God he doesn't, I've seen him clean-shaven twice and both times were the worst.

Oh, hold on you were asking embarrassing and secret?

He sings in the shower? That's not a secret. It can't be a secret, because he sings very loudly. (He's not bad but he isn't very good either.)

He does everything loudly?

Also not a secret.

... see, Kyle Crane wears his entire life right out on his sleeves. He is terrible at keeping secrets and he's terrible at not being himself. He can't convincingly lie for a long stretch of time, he can't keep his opinions to himself very well (except when it really matters, there's a general misconception that he runs his mouth or his mouth runs him, it's not true, he does have self-control), and, I think the only shit he really keeps out of sight?

That's the terrible things. The things he's done or had to do. His sins, his mistakes, his regrets. He packs them up into neat boxes, he says, and puts them away so he can eventually revisit them and deal with them when the time is right.

Which he does! Back before Harran that meant talking to Seb, his best friend, or even lying on a couch paying by the hour (for a therapist, he claims he has never paid for anything else by the hour). And yeah there's tears. He's not the sort to not cry.

Which is not embarrassing, it's just, like, a truth.

And when he cries he likes hugging again so we are back to Velcro-Crane.

[nexyra]

RWBY's Love Language - Part 2

Hello friend ! I'm back at it with a second part and whatever character I can think of ! (Among which best boy Oscar because he deserves it, and also more adults)

Let's go !

***

Oscar Pine

So ! While I love Oscar with my whole heart, honestly guessing his Love Language is no easy feat. One thing for sure : touch isn't is thing even if it's how everyone else chose to communicate their love.

I saw a post a while back detailing how Oscar is always putting his hands up as a barrier when he's scared or uncomfortable and that makes me cry a little instead but it's true TT. Anyway...

In the latest volumes we've got quite a bit of comforting Oscar-talks but I have to wonder how much of that is due to Ozpin's influence really. As a result I've decided to settle on... Acts of Service or Quality Time ! This is based on a few details : when people are upset with him in one shape or form, Oscar was always very eager to prove himself useful, give some aspect of concrete help (such as cooking a Casserole, ringing any bell ?). Plus I imagine that's the exact brand of help his Aunt would have needed most on a farm. Added to that, he always seems fairly happy to be included, be with the others no matter what's going on. Training ? Yay ! A movie with Jaune & Weiss ? Smiling puppy look. Fancy party ? Shenanigans together ! So yea, I love seeing my boy loved and hugged but please everyone settle for the loving he's most comfortable with <3

“She made a choice! A choice to put others before herself! So do I.”

“Oh, uh, yeah. I thought you guys would appreciate a hot meal after... spending all day looking for me, apparently.”

“No, it's okay. These past few days, I've been scared of the same things you were. I don't know how much longer I'm going to be... me. But I did some thinking, and I do know that I want to do everything I can to help with whatever time I have left.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Ozpin

For our favorite immortal wizard aka not quite dead Headmaster... I think the answer is rather obvious. When you're so careful with your words, but also so fiercely devoted to humanity, Words of Affirmation is a must. Ozpin constantly does his best to calm, to reassure. He's good at controlling the conversation and getting people where he wants... Except he more often than not use it to make them think and help them reach an healing ore motivating conclusion. This man is so insisten on giving and cultivating hope, so painfully aware of just how much words can change... There's no doubt in my mind that it's through these very same words that he tries to fight the darkness in others' mind, even when they don't want to let themselves be persuaded. And with some help from the farmboi, Ozpin is gaining in honesty and earnestness. And that can only help in giving comfort.

But to be honest... If you offer him a hug I doubt he'd refuse, and he definitely deserves one. Also therapy. For Oscar too. Everyone in therapy 2k21.

“Ruby. I've made more mistakes than any man, woman, and child on this planet. But at this moment I would not consider your appointment to leader to be one of them. Do you?”

“It's not every day that friends are able to come together like this. Time has a way of testing our bonds, but it's nights like these that can help keep them stronger than ever. Nights like these are ones we'll never forget.”

“Don't worry, Mr. Arc. Your journey is far from over, and the same might be said for all of you. Unlocking your Semblance isn't the end. It can still grow and evolve. Providing you are willing to put in the work, who knows what could happen?”

- - - - - - - - - -

Emerald Sustrai

Now here I'm gonna go ahead and say that the way Emerald has been taught to express her love and the way SHE would rather preffered to be loved most likely do not align. At the side of someone like Cinder, and even Mercury who isn't exactly the most emotionally vulnerable person; the only brand of love that gets an easy pass is Acts of Service, and that's probably what Emerald is the most used to. I can go on a mission with you. I can help. We go right back to the "I can be useful" mentality and I'm not sure she's been shown any other way honestly. Let's be real though : if someone offered a hug or some gentle words ? She'd probably pout & fuss but I hardly doubt she'd object.

“I don't care about Salem! But I owe Cinder everything. You want to fight her that bad? Be my guest.”

“I just... Cinder was the only family I ever had. She cared about me, taught me things... But without her here, I don't know if what we're doing--”

“I've been working on my Semblance. I can help. I won't tell anybody.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Pyrrha Nikos

What's with everyone and dedicating their whole love toward just helping their teammates anyway they can ?! Stop ! But any way, you guessed it. I'm pretty sure one of Pyrrha's top way of showing love is Acts of Service, and nothing means quite as much to her as Quality Time. For someone who's been put on a pedestal and has a hard time relating to people; both touch and words can be a bit awkward. But if they're wrapped up neatly in a training session or semblance explanations ? Well that's already a more familiar area. Pyrrha gives her whole to her friends and those she cares about. And in exchange, if anyone can simply... be there and spend time with her... May it be at the ball or simply sitting in the courtyard... I'm sure our girl would be delighted.

“Jaune, you know if you ever need help, you can just ask.”

“I'm constantly surrounded by love and praise; but when you're placed on a pedestal like that for so long, you become separated from the people that put you there in the first place. But thanks to you, I've made friendships that will last a lifetime.”

“I'll do it. If you believe this will help humanity, then I will become your Fall Maiden.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Qrow Branwen

If I say Gift Giving for the corvid, is someone gonna hit me ? Come on it's fun ! Okay, more seriously... I think this kind of love conversation is kind of a necessity for Qrow. With a semblance such as Bad Luck, making everything complicated... Qrow tries to keep his distance from those he cares about. And since he's an emotionally repressed (but caring) asshole on top of it... Well that kinda narrows down his option. You know what DOESN'T put anyone at risk but can still bring smiles on their face ? GIFTS. Shiny things, souvenirs from his missions all over the world to give to 2 smol nieces. Sounds safe right ? That said, as any good emotionally unavailable character in this show, I gotta say Qrow probably has a thing for helping out and making himself useful in relation to Oz, Tai or the rest of the inner circle. So you know what that means *whisper* Acts of Service.

That said ! When it comes to receiving some love back... Qrow probably likes everything he doesn't allow himself to have. Soft touches, loving & comforting words, spending time with a friend without his semblance making everything complicated... We know that's all he wants.

“You idiot. I know you didn't do this.”

“Look, pal, I'm not sure who you are, but you need to leave my niece alone.”

“No one wanted me... I was cursed... I gave my life to you because you gave me a place in this world... I thought I was finally doing some good...”

- - - - - - - - - -

Clover Ebi

And among our newbies (and gone too soon) friends we have Clover ! Clover was a very good contrast to our dusty old crow but also a great help. Kind-hearted, perceptive and honest; he knew just how to put Qrow's self-loathing in his place and push him to give himself some credit. He always had a nice word or a joke for everyone, and visibly the rock of the Ace Ops : an expert a keeping the moral up and the mood companiable. Evidently, Words of Affirmation was his expertise. Had things gone differently, I'm sure we'd have had time for many more earnest and helpful conversations with this teal-eyed fisherman.

“It's a good thing they had someone to look up to and get them through it. Not everyone is so lucky.”

“I meant deflect a compliment. Those kids wouldn't be where they are without you. You've had more of an effect on them than you realize.”

“We don't have to fight, friend.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Winter Schnee

And today in the "emotionally unavailable" category we have... Winter Schnee ! TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS PEOPLE ! Just - I would say look at Ruby but even she doesn't talk about her bad vibes... Nor does any of the "Words of Affirmation" peeps. Honestly what's wrong with y'all people ? Anyway Winter cares so much. Is it hidden behind professionalism and a stern *big sister* demeanour ? Sure. But it doesn't negate just how much she loves her closed ones. She's fiercely loyal, and even if she doesn't let her personal feelings get in the way of her duty and doing what needs to be done, no one is allowed to say she doesn't care. Countrary to Weiss, Winter doesn't seem as good nor as aware of the love that exists in simply *being* with people. Rather, she's dutiful and ready to help any way she can when given the chance. You guessed it, yet another Acts of Service kind of love... Maybe I'm doing this wrong XD. I'm on the fence about Words of Affirmation as well. Despite her standoffish looks, Winter has always been very open & reassuring during her discussions with Penny. But she's more stern when it comes to Weiss so I dunno x)

“I don't recall asking about your ranking, I'm asking how you've been. Are you eating properly? Have you taken up any hobbies? Are you making new friends?”

“You've grown up a bit, haven't you? You're not the little girl clinging to the family name anymore.”

“You can't just buy trust like everything else! You have to earn it!”

And that's it for Part 2 ! I might do some other characters if people suggest some but I don't have a pressing need to right now. I have many ideas of songs to apply to various characters however so that's prob what my next posts will consist of (or fun templates)

If anyone has tips to create RWBY gifs or links to download the eps in good quality I'll take it ! Good day everyone !

[imgoingtofreakoutnow]

An old friend - Part 2

Summary: You've been invited for tea at the Bridgerton's household. You'll meet some new faces and perhaps dig in the past with your host...

Pairing: Anthony Bridgerton x Fem!reader

Other characters: Benedict Bridgerton, Violet Bridgerton, Gregory Bridgerton, Hyacinth Bridgerton

Warnings: looooots of yearning, face touching (?) if this counts as warning

Words: 3.6k+

A/n: I wasn't planning on doing a second part but here we are! I know it's long, and the start can feel a bit slow, but stick until the end; things get interesting there😏😉

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

As you stepped down the carriage, your eyes were immediately drawn to the facade of the house: even though you weren't a child anymore it still looked majestic to your eyes. The lilac wisteria hanged from the red terracotta wall, swinging his blooming flowers just above the door, giving the compound that vibrant hint of colour that you remembered.

When you heard the wheels of your carriage move against the pebble, you decided it was time to enter the Bridgerton's household. However, you soon realized that your feet were seemingly planted in the ground just before the gates of the estate.

Nervously holding your shaking gloves near your lap, you tried to calm down that sudden wave of anxiety. You truly had nothing to be worried about: your hosts were some of the kindest human beings you had ever met and the house was no stranger to you either. Nonetheless, war drums started playing in your chest at the thought that Anthony was waiting for you inside...

"Can I help you, miss?"

You turned towards the voice that called you back to reality to be met with the tall figure of Benedict. "Mr. Bridgerton"

He bowed as you curtseyed. "Well, this is embarrassing" he muttered, taking off his hat with an apologetic smile. "You know my name, but I don't know yours... should I know you, miss?"

You smiled back, shaking slightly your head. "Probably not, sir. I'm Y/N Y/L/N. I believe I am awaited for tea this afternoon: Lady Bridgerton invited me at last night's ball"

"I recall Anthony mentioning something about a guest..." he started but shrugged afterwards, "however I wasn't listening". His green eyes moved on you, squeezing slightly as they took in your features. "I beg you forgiveness in advance if I'm mistaken, but do you appear to be that little girl that used to play with Anthony when he still possessed a sense of humour?"

You hardly stopped a laugh from escaping your lips. "I shall not know, did Lord Bridgerton used to entertain himself with many young ladies when he was young himself?"

Benedict shook his head, still smiling. "Not that I can remember"

"Then that's probably me" you confirmed, chuckling slightly as the weight on your stomach eased considerably.

"I shall not believe that! The world is much smaller than I thought it was". He rubbed his cheek, his face lit by shock and delight. Then, looking at the front door and then back at you: "Why then were you standing here like a statue?"

At his question you lowered your gaze to your hands, not as shaky as before but still partly trembling. When you opened your mouth to reply, no rational answer came out from your parted lips.

Thankfully, Benedict seemed to notice your distress and simply took your arm in his. "Admit it" he said, smiling cheekily and guiding you inside, "you were waiting for me just to escort you inside. Isn't that right?"

With a giggle you nodded. "You uncovered my plan, sir. I shall hope it remains a secret between the two of us"

Benedict opened the door for you. "I'll take it to the grave, miss Y/L/N"

You flashed him one last smile before your eyes wandered on the interior of the household, leaving you speechless: everything was exactly where your clouded memories placed it, with few errant exceptions, like the china vase in the vestibule or the tiny pottery work on the table next to the door of the drawing room.

It felt almost unreal, like walking in a dream made long time ago... nonetheless, the way your heart jumped in your throat when you saw Anthony slouching on a couch near the window felt very much real to you.

"Miss Y/L/N". When Violet's voice reached your ears she was already in front of you, taking your arm to drag you away from her second-born. "It is a delight to see you again so soon. I believe you haven't met my youngest children, Gregory and Hyacinth".

The two siblings looked at you, Hyacinth smiling fascinated while Gregory was subtly munching something.

You smiled at them. "It's a pleasure to meet you"

"Miss Y/L/N, could I ask you something?"

Your eyes fixed in Hyacinth's, wide with curiosity. "Of course"

She took some steps towards you and you bent down so that she could cup your ear. "Is it true that you and Anthony made all the nurses go mad when you were our age?"

"Who told you that?" you whispered back, grinning. "We made them go mad when we were much younger than you"

Hyacinth covered her mouth, giggling silently as she went back next to her brother. Gregory, still looking at you, finally gulped down his food and turned to his mother. “Can we go play outside now, mama?”

With a sigh and a gesture of her hand, Lady Bridgerton released her youngest from the strings of formality and you watched them running one after the other out of the drawing room.

“Pardon their impatience” sighed Violet, sitting on the sofa next to her. She seemed terribly tired and you couldn’t imagine otherwise: if the other Bridgertons were half the troublemakers you and Anthony were, you were surprised the household was still intact.

You took a seat next to her, your back straightened as a greek column. “There is no need to apologise, I do envy their freedom” you admitted as your gaze fell in your lap. “They should enjoy every moment they have left before they come of age”

“From your tone, miss Y/L/N, it transpires the belief that there is no freedom in our society whatsoever”

You turned to Anthony, now seated a little more properly on the couch. His eyes locked in yours terribly easily, as they already possessed the key to your soul.

"Not if one wants to be accepted by said society, Lord Bridgerton" you clarified. "And we know well enough that not many would risk their place in this - pardon my words - refined golden parade for a semblance of temporary freedom"

"A golden parade". Anthony tasted your words on his tongue. "Shall we ever be freed from the chains society imposed us then?"

"It is possible, yes. Nevertheless, it may not be as easy as one might expect"

Anthony was still looking at you and the fabric of your gloves started sticking to your sweaty hands under his stare. You lowered your gaze. "But of course, this is just my humble opinion"

"Quite pessimistic, if I may" Benedict's voice broke through your thoughts. Slouching like Anthony on the other couch, there was no doubt those two were brothers. "But my word, you and Eloise would get along perfectly well"

"My second daughter. She is quite a free spirit" explained Violet seeing your confusion. "Unfortunately, you won't meet her today: she went for a walk with her friend, miss Penelope Featherington"

“On another quest to find the writer who hides behind the name of Lady Whistledown” added Benedict, earning a glare from his mother.

"I'm sure there will be many other occasions to meet her. And your eldest daughter as well. I’ve heard she married the Duke of Hastings, is that right?"

Her eyes lit as soon as you mentioned her daughter, and before you knew it, your mind was filled with every single detail of the wedding and engagement party, and all the circumstances that preceded and followed it.

A light knock made everyone turn towards the door. The footmen placed swiftly and silently the trays with teapots and cups on the small tables around the room, together with many small plates full of different biscuits and what looked like delicious refreshments.

One of the footmen approached cautiosly Violet, who was now talking about the scandal in which Colin had been unknowingly drawn. "Lady Bridgerton". The woman turned towards him with a smile. "Miss Francesca denies her medicine..."

Violet sighed, putting her cup back on the tray. "Goodness gracious... She went to Bath on her own, she's almost of age and she keeps throwing tantrums for these little things...". She then turned to you: "I shall be back in a few minutes, my dear"

You nodded, watching her leave the room with the young footman. The exact moment she disappeared through the door, Benedict jumped from his seat, almost making you spill the tea on your dress.

"I'm terribly sorry, but I shall leave as well" he explained, putting his tailcoat back on in a hurry. He looked towards Anthony. "If mother asks, I'm in my room feeling unwell and I definitely won't attend dinner"

"Shall I know where you're going?" asked Anthony with a smirk on his face. "Perhaps getting a new suit?"

Benedict ignored him, which made Anthony grin even more. “It’s been a pleasure, miss Y/L/N. We shall talk more next time we meet" he said with a small bow and a smile, before walking out the drawing room as well.

You took a long sip from your small cup, trying to focus on the taste of the tea and not on the fact that you and Anthony were now completely alone. The hot drink had a fresh mint scent and... and then his touch on your skin was everything your mind could think of.

"Are you enjoying yourself, miss Y/L/N?"

"Absolutely!" you replied, your voice an octave higher than normal. Clearing your throat, you attempted to think of something to say that wasn't in any way related to Anthony's hands on you. "The tea is divine"

He chuckled, taking a biscuit from the tray. "I'm glad you like it". He took a bite before asking again: "Does the house do justice to your memories?"

"It does" you nodded. "I'm surprised how few things have changed over the years but I'm glad to be able to recognise every corner. It's like stepping in the past"

Anthony smiled without taking his eyes off you. Looking down on your empty cup you felt your skin itch under his deep stare. Before you could think of anything else to say, you heard the sound of fabric rustling: Anthony Bridgerton had stood up and was now moving closer with every step. He stretched his hand out to you, smiling like he did only around you.

"Would you like to step in the past again, miss Y/L/N?"

With his eyes locked in yours, your mouth was wholly dry. You had no idea what he had in mind but, strangely enough, you didn't care: you just took his hand.

The heat radiating through the thin fabric of your gloves set on fire every nerve of your body. You held tight onto his hand as he pulled you down a maze of corridors, running within those walls like when you were kids. The excitement, and the new feeling that was pushing against your corset, let a wide, joyful smile appear on your face, as you felt lighter than ever before.

Then, after a last turn, he pulled you in a room, closing the door behind him. It took a deep breath for you to realise Anthony had dragged you in the library: it was smaller than you recalled, and even so it held so much knowledge you always found overwhelming stepping inside, as if you weren’t worthy of it.

Still panting, Anthony collapsed on the settee near the window, his smile wider than ever. "Good Lord..." he sighed letting his head fall back, his shoulders shook by laughter. "I haven't felt this alive in quite some time..."

"As much as I enjoy seeing you smiling, did we truly have to run all the way here?" you whispered, trying to steady your breath. "If anyone saw us, they probably thought we were up to something, which is not true at all"

Placing his elbows on his knees, Anthony bended over, his eyes lit by the spark of mischief. "If we're not up to something... then why are you whispering?"

You shook your head, turning your back to him. You walked closer to the atlas, opened on book stand in one of the corner of the room. With your index you gently traced the lines of the continents shown on the page, searching names of places you knew. Then a realization hit you.

“We shouldn’t be here”. Taking a step back from the atlas, you turned to Anthony.

He looked at you with furrowed brows. “Why so?”

"I'm quite sure you're aware that, for a lady, being in the same room as a man without a chaperone is improper and disgraceful" you clarified, rubbing your hands nervously.

"Is it?". You shot Anthony a glare.

"Yes, my lord. Awfully disgraceful". You looked at the door, terrified someone might walk in.

Anthony sighed. “Very well. But before we go... would you please read something to me?”. The request wasn’t exactly what you were expecting and Anthony, as he had read in your mind, added: “There’s nothing improper in that”

You took a sharp breath but then nodded. “Very well”. You moved your eyes on the many books on the bookshelves, the titles and authors embossed on their spines in golden letters: Shakespeare, Edgeworth, Scott.

"Do you want me to read anything in particular, my lord?"

He closed his eyes, slouching again on the settee. "Anything as long as I can hear your voice"

Taken aback by his words, you were glad he couldn’t see your scarlet cheeks. You took a small poetry volume, opening it at a random page. The words written on the paper danced in your mind with the finesse of a butterfly.

You sat down on the other end of the settee as your lungs tried their best to fill with enough air to keep you from fainting. You took a last deep breath before starting to read out loud.

"The curfew tolls the knell of parting day,

The lowing herd wind slowly o'er the lea,

The plowman homeward plods his weary way,

And leaves the world to darkness and to me."

As you kept reading, the book in one hand and the other resting in your lap, the verses rolled on your tongue like candid pearls on velvet; an ancient incantation created to charm minds.

You didn't realise that Anthony had been getting closer and closer by the second until the moment he took your empty hand in his. You stopped mid-verse as your eyes jolted to your joined hands.

"Go on" he gently asked, stroking his thumb on your hand.

Gulping down your beating heart you started reading again, but your attention was nowhere near the words printed on the paper. It was all on the way his fingers rested on yours and moved against your glove, as trying to find a path past the thin fabric.

That small and seemingly meaningless touch unleashed a thunderstorm within you: powerful, destructive and awfully seductive.

You finished the poem, the last word leaving you breathless. Closing the book, the closeness with Anthony felt way too much to handle.

"We should go now". You stood, breaking the contact with Anthony to put the book in its place. Your hand without his touch felt extremely empty.

You heard him sigh. "I believe we should". Anthony stood up, smoothing his blue tailcoat. After a moment of silence, he spoke again, his eyes set on fixing his sleeves: "I must apologise, miss Y/L/N"

You turned towards him with eyes wide in confusion before frowning. "For what, my lord?"

"I'm convinced that my puerile behaviour put you in an uncomfortable and improper position" - his voice and face were completely emotionless, not the face of the Anthony you knew - "and I beg your forgiveness for that. I had no rights to act this way towards a lady such as yourself and I would totally understand if you chose to..." he stopped a moment, searching for the strength to finish the phrase, “...interrupt our acquaintance”

"Lord Bridgert-"

"Of course” he continued, "I would never want for you to interrupt your visits to my mother and family. And, of course, I shall have prepared a carriage to take you home and then, hopefully, everything will soon seem just a-"

"Anthony"

You finally moved from the bookshelf, catching his hand in yours. His eyes moved from the doorknob, first resting on your joint hands and then raising to your face. It had felt like days since he last glanced at you.

"Please, let me speak”. He didn’t move, his face still unreadable but his eyes had your complete attention. You took a deep breath as you put your messy thoughts in the right order.

“You didn't offend me" you explained, even if your trembling voice could've told otherwise. "Your actions, your attentions weren't a discomfort to me whatsoever. They were just-", a shaky sigh escaped your lips, "What I feel in your presence is overwhelming, like standing on a cliff while the wind howls around you, trying to push you off the edge... you wish you could ignore it but it keeps luring you in and-"

His hand on your cheek cut you off. His thumb caressed your cheekbone and slid down, along your jaw, to stop on your chin. "So this pleases you?" he asked, his voice deep as his eyes were staring into yours. At a loss of words, you nodded as fireworks exploded in your stomach.

At his words you suddenly remembered: “Your mother! She’s probably still waiting in the drawing room!”. You took your hands to your face, covering your heated cheeks. “Oh no... she’ll never forgive me...”

Eventually he smiled, and seeing his eyes lighting up was just what you needed to feel relieved. "That's good to hear” he murmured, stroking your cheek again and again, “but now you should really go home: we don’t want your mother to get worried, don’t we?”"

He shook his head chuckling. “My mother doesn’t hold grudges for such ridiculous matters. However, if it could help you sleep better tonight, I shall talk to her. You must trust me: I already have mastered a talent in finding quite believable excuses”

You smirked. “Why am I not surprised?”. Anthony smiled before taking again your hand. A bolt ran through your arm.

"I know it may sound bold, but would you join me and my family at tomorrow’s picnic in Hyde Park? These social gatherings always bore me to death but I’m sure your company would be the perfect remedy"

"Two invitations in a row?”. You grinned. “The ton will talk about this for quite some time"

“Is that a yes, miss Y/L/N?”

You smiled. “Of course it is, my lord. I could never refuse you anything”

<-•☆•->

When the carriage left you in front of your house, there was still enough light for you to see the pathway leading to the front door. As you entered and closed it behind you, your mother appeared at the top of the staircase.

“Thank Goodness you’re back!”. She run down the stairs, immediately cupping your cheeks. “Are you alright? Did anything happen to you?”

“I’m good, mama” you confirmed, with a smile. "Lord Bridgerton invited me to attend the picnic in Hyde Park tomorrow". At your words, every inch of blood seemed to be drained from your mother's face. “Is everything quite alright?”

“I’ve heard some awful rumors at the market today...” she whispered, taking your hands in hers. “About the Bridgertons”

You smiled gently. “Is it about the scandal surrounding Colin Bridgerton? Because I can assure you he had no part in-”

“it isn’t, my dear”. She shook her head, some locks of hair escaping her tight hairdo. “It’s about Lord Bringerton”

Your smile fell in a second. “What about him?”

Your mother took a deep breath before going on: “I believe him to be a rake, my dear, and from what I’ve heard, he spent most of last season attending the private rooms of different opera singers...”

"What?". You shook your head in disbelief. "No, it can't be... I know him and he's nothing like this"

"It has been years, sweetheart" she said, kindly caressing your cheek. "Maybe he's changed, like you have..."

"But he's not a rake!". You took a step back from your mother. "Lord Bridgerton is a gentleman, he would never-"

You stopped mid-sentence as what happened that afternoon replayed in your mind: surely you didn't dislike his behaviour, as daring as it was, but it was improper. Terribly improper. Something a rake would do with light skirts. Or with young and willing ladies.

Your corset seemed to be tighter than ever, squeezing your lungs until no air was left behind.

"I do not want to push you, my dear..." continued your mother, "but perhaps you should rethink your choice for tomorrow. You could say you had forgotten a previous engagement or-"

"No". Your steady voice didn't reflect the turmoil in your chest at all. "I have already accepted, mother" you said, walking past her to the stairs. "It would be disrespectful to refuse the invitation of a Viscount"

Besides, you wanted answers, and the only people who could give you some was Anthony himself.

Taglist: @ba-cute @xceafh @latekate1807 (if you want to be added or removed, let me know)

[xiu21chen99]

hxh headcanon/imagine.

again... still about hisoillu but about their engagement instead of illu's influenced fashion choice.

also this is more of... idk it gave reason why they chose to marry instead of uh other ways i guess??

i've seen so many fanarts where illu would break the news to the zoldycks or how killu would react to having hisoka as his brother in law- like srsly it's meme worthy at this point- and lotsa ones that showed how hisoka proposed as a joke or smtg but... I've been overthinking abt it these past few days sO i present to you how i think "the big question aka the proposal" happened... (manga spoilers??)

it's after hisoka resurrected himself obviously, and def after he killed kortopi and shalnark (so he knew there was gonna be empty slots in the spiders' lineup)

i imagine illu went back to the zoldyck estate after the whole fiasco and only heard of hisoka's "death" from rumors while he was on a mission

and then when he was idk maybe contemplating on whether or not he should visit the body(?) to pay respects or something, he gets a text message from the devil himself

their text went like this probably:

hisoka: hey~ where are you right now?♠️ (and no u can't tell me hisoka doesn't text w card suits u just can't-)

illumi: who are you and how did you get the phone you are currently using?

hisoka: ooh~ illu~ i feel betrayed, did you delete my number?♣️

illumi: hisoka is dead

hisoka: *image attached*

illumi: oh

illumi: hello hisoka, how are you still alive?

hisoka: you sound disappointed~♦️

illumi: i kind of am...

hisoka: rude, just tell me where you are♥️

...and that's how they met up?? ngl i think illu has a know-it-all syndrome where he just has to,,, k n o w everything

he's curious so he agrees to the meetup ofc

he's also surprised when he sees hisoka is in good shape when they meet (idk at a bar in an unknown city?)

they drink whiskey on the rocks because... you know...

hisoka explains how he survived and his next plan of action (which is terminate the spiders)

illumi makes a mental note of nen after death bc he's heard and seen it all before but... not to this extent,

this is gonna be,,, bland but i think this is the logic behind why hisoka chose to get married/engaged instead of just paying up front (reference to the ten dons' commission to get chrollo killed and chrollo's commission to get the ten dons killed)--

anyways here's how their conversation goes:

i: "why did you want to talk in person?"

h: "oh y'know, for old times sake."

i: "...right"

hisoka laughs, "okay so maybe i want to ask you for a favor..?"

confused, illumi asks, "why could you not have just texted if you wanted me to kill someone for you?"

h: "no, no- wait, actually, you're not too far off."

i: ~mOrE cOnfUsiOn~ "huh?"

h: "how do contracts for assassination work in your... family business?"

i: "half the promised pay before, the remaining half afterwards. should the target be eliminated by a third party, the assigned zoldyck still gets the pay and should the employer die, then the contract is terminated and the zoldyck will report back immediately."

h: "and has anyone made a contract to have themselves terminated?"

i: "i beg your pardon?"

h: "what complications will arise should your employer's target be... themselves?"

i: "i believe... i have never encountered such circumstance before. the people who hire us are those who have enough money and resource to have their enemies killed quickly. no one's tried to test the zoldyck assassination prowess."

h: "so... how will that work?"

i: "are you implying this is the reason why you have contacted me today?"

h: "yes~ ♥️" (how he said a heart emoji out loud is up to you, reader)

i: "it will be a pointless paradox. logically, the zoldyck will only get the employment bill. and i, myself, do not find pleasure in going for the kill like you lest i get my reward, so you will not get a contract out of me, hisoka."

h: "is there no leeway?"

i: "a zoldyck stands up to their word. so no."

h: "even for a friend?~ ♦️"

i: "we are not friends, hisoka-"

hisoka raises his glass of whiskey along with his eyebrow.

i: "oh..."

h: "didn't you tell dear killua that a zoldyck didn't need friends?"

i: "you... are an associate, someone reliable in the killing world. it's different."

h: "hypocrite"

i: "i ask you for favors and you make me return them. it is not like we spend our time together leisurely like killu with that island boy..."

hisoka clinks their matching glasses of whiskey even though his is already empty, a shit-eating grin on his lips.

i: "you suggested we meet here."

h: "this isn't the first time we went out to drink, right illu?"

i: "regardless!! i will not kill you just for half the money. i do not like wasting efforts on fruitless missions."

h: "as i said, is there no exception, to make sure you get my money if you were to succeed in killing me?"

i: "are you doubting my skill, hisoka?"

h: "that's not the point right now~ ♠️"

i: "wait, why do you want me to get all of your money?"

h: "haven't we just gotten over this subject? because you're my friend, of course."

i: "i... we are not friends, hisoka."

hisoka claps, "that's it! illumi!! ♣️"

i: "eh?"

h: "marry me! that way in our prenup I'll make sure you get all of my money, and even without a prenup you'll still get it since you'll be my only relative! that solves it!"

i: "hisoka, are you sure death did not took a toll on your brain? you did say you used Bungee Gum only on your heart and lungs..."

h: "i'm being serious, illumi!! and doesn't this solve your earlier conflict? we don't have to be friends, we'll be husbands!"

i: "do not use that tactic with me, you manipulative bastard. stop joking."

h: "this is purely beneficial for you, honestly i don't get why you just won't accept it."

i: "then humor me this first, why now?"

h: "dear illu, i've been to literal hell and back. i think it's time to leave my mark in case i fail to escape death again."

i: "was it that bad?"

h: "you'll love it there, illu~ ♥️"

h: "on a more serious note, though, i do plan to marry you. out of everyone i've encountered, you're the most eligible candidate. you're powerful, fully capable and extremely pretty to boot! you're the ideal husband!"

(blushing obviously, illumi downs the remaining whiskey in his glass) i: "death has changed you, hisoka."

h: "so?"

i: "fine."

h: "excellent!"

and in one fell swoop, illumi has a pin against the curve of hisoka's jugular, wrist held tightly by hisoka- a card matching against his own neck.

"not yet, dear husband." hisoka whispered into his ear, "we have to manage the papers first. and i've a request before you do."

they let each other go at the same time, not even breathing an unnecessary breath in the other's personal space (well, they're nearly pressed thigh to thigh anyways, what's the point of personal space anymore-)

"a condition rather than a request, really."

"what?" hisoka orders them refills, and downs his when it arrives.

"join the ryodan first."

glass already pressed on thin lips, illumi's confused hum resonates softly into the concave utensil. "why?"

"so things can get more interesting. i assume you know of the dark continent expedition that's soon to take place?"

"father has advised i take part on it, since kalluto told me the ryodan plans to rob some cliches who'll join the expedition- to look after him. you want me to join them?"

"yes, and i plan to board as well, don't fret."

illumi's eyes turn to slits, "how should i know you would be there? i can't take your word when you might just disappear when we've all boarded."

hisoka grins, wide then wider, "you should know by now illu, i plan to avenge my wounded pride. that damned chrollo didn't even fight me properly."

tilting his head, illumi stared at the man beside him, "is that not contradictory? i thought you did not mind your opponent using whatever means necessary to win?"

"magicians use tricks and misdirection to awe the audience," hisoka says almost thoughtlessly, "chrollo's a narcissistic hypnotist who used the audience as a damned shield because he knew he couldn't handle me face-to-face."

he groans, tinged in regret. "i shouldn't have picked heaven's arena, if i'd chosen a more discreet location then maybe the damage won't be this bad."

"damage?" illumi rests his chin on his palm, facing his husband.

hisoka swipes a hand over his face, and the glamour comes off. the picture he sent illumi now present in front of him. he was missing a nose, his left hand didn't have any finger left and dried blood chipped on his white skin. "oh."

with another swipe, everything's made correct again. hisoka was grinning again. he downs the remaining alcohol and leaves jenny bills under the emptied glass.

"come, lovely husband. we're to elope and legalize our union!"

illumi follows suit after downing his own glass, "i think there might be another loop hole, if you were to join the family. zoldycks do not kill family."

"so if i were to wed you, here and now, you'd think me more of a family than alluka?"

"alluka is not family."

"are those your words, illumi? or silva's?"

"i..."

"wow, you're really just as fucked up as i am."

"where do you plan to take me? i've just said i cannot kill family."

hisoka chuckles, "then you're the one to take my name, of course."

"preposterous!"

"who the hell still uses that word?"

"i am and will always be a zoldyck-"

"exactly. it's just legal papers, if you kill me then you'll just be a widow and even get your name back! see how everything'll work out in the end?"

"hisoka-"

"are you doubting your skill of assassination, my dearest husband?"

"... i better get the most expensive ring in this damned city."

"that's the spirit! now let's go get married!"

"wait, hisoka. what is your last name?"

later that night, when they leave a chapel, something gold glimmers on hisoka's bungee gum/texture surprise ring finger. a matching one around illumi's finger.

unlike hisoka, though, illumi had an extra red glimmer right under that gold, in the dead center of a silver band of intricately designed pattern. hisoka had foregone the traditional diamond in favor of a 16 carat ruby engagement ring, such a curious choice but illumi accepted it all the same...

(much later on, hisoka took both rings as collateral and reminded illumi that he would get them back even if he died bc it was in their damn prenup- and bc it was technically bought under illumis name and that's how hisoka assured illu that he'd be on that black whale,,, bc he had the rings and planned to give them back to him there)

"I thought a red gemstone was better suited for the rather bloody and murderous ending that our relationship will inevitably come to, wouldn't you agree?"

-Hisoka Morow whenever someone mentions his preference of proposal ring...

"I disagree with most of his ideals, our relationship has always had a fragile foundation, and I knew from the start that we'd eventually end up killing each other."

-Illumi Morow, nee Zoldyck when asked about his thoughts on his husband...

[mrsseverussnape]

Love Is You - chapter 4

 a/n: Finally i am posting this in a normal hour😂 Re-editing the chapters are taking way more time than i expected but i think it’s worth it. If you have any questions about the characters or the storyline, don’t hesitate to ask me!

Ps: are we wondering when we will get lighter and happy themed moodboards😂

    Couple of days have passed since the divorce suit. As expected, everyone in the Ministry has found out what happened between Scarlett, Sirius and Arabelle. Because Arabelle couldn't stop talking about it like it was her victory. But her victory didn’t live long; since she was just a secretary at Auror's Department and Sirius was being the head of the department, he fired her without a second thought. Nobody could disrespect his Scarlett the way Arabelle did. Though Arabelle didn’t seem very upset by this act which made Sirius even more annoyed with her. Already Sirius has become very furious at work after the divorce and he was making it hell for everybody around him. It was very unlikely of him though; he was the funniest around, but now he was just shouting and cursing at everyone.

    Scarlett was in the other hand. She was diagnosed with depression at St. Mungo’s, she was not doing very well but she was harming herself rather than the people around her. Leo had to turn back to New York for work after his one week leave even he didn’t want to leave his mother, so Carina took Scarlett with her to Hogwarts. Because when she was alone, she was not taking her pills but having alcohol almost every day which actually she shouldn’t have. Because of that someone had to keep a close watch on her for her own safety and health. Staying Hogwarts seemed like a good idea to the twins because when Carina was too busy, Remus was taking care of Scarlett since he was working at Hogwarts too. This whole cheating and divorce situation was really hard for Remus as well because he was close friends with both Scarlett and Sirius for years and he has never seen them like that before.

"Mum after the dinner i and Professor Snape will work, we need to make some potions and rearrange the shelves. Come and help us huh?"

"He won't want me there, i will stay here."

"I asked him earlier, he accepted. And mum you can't stay in the room forever, it is not helping you."

"Apparently we changed the roles, you are the mum now Carina."

"I am trying to help mum..."

Scarlett nodded unwillingly; she didn’t want to upset Carina. "Okay fine i will come but if I feel uncomfortable, I will leave."

Carina smiled happily. "Deal! But first we should eat dinner, you passed the lunch but you have to eat now."

    Half an hour later they were heading to the potion’s classroom in the dungeons. Scarlett was quite nervous but trying to keep it cool. Carina opened the door for her and invited Scarlett in then followed her.

"Hello professor." Carina smiled to the black-haired man who was already making a potion.

"Hi." He said looking up at them while stirring the potion.

Severus was nervous as well. He hasn't seen Scarlett for almost 30 years except that one time, like a week ago, when she has come to see Carina. They have made a good job about avoiding each other for so long.

"You two didn't meet properly yet. That's my mum Scarlett and th-"

Scarlett cut her off before she could finish her sentence. "We know each other Carina."

Carina was confused, she has always talked about Professor Snape and her mum hasn’t said a word. "From where? You haven't told me that."

"We were… We were classmates." She mumbled, all the memories were coming back slowly and she wasn’t ready for them.

Severus Snape nodded without giving any further information and put a chair next to his desk for Scarlett to sit since she was trying to lean onto the desk tiredly.

"Thanks." Scarlett sat down and started to watch the two potioneers.

"Okay then, that's cool. Was mum good at potions class, Professor?" Carina asked while preparing ingredients for the potion that she was about to make.

"She was good, she was a very good student overall. She was one of the bests of our time."

"Potions wasn't my brightest class but i had Severus as my partner." Scarlett smiled ever so slightly for the first time in weeks, she has remembered the class where she has turned his hair rainbow colours in an accident.

Carina was very happy to see that tiniest smile on her face. "We learnt that you are good at potions mum, you can stir the potion while i am cutting those herbs."

Scarlett stood up to stir it but her hands were shaky and she got quite dizzy after she stood up which Carina noticed.

"Mum did you take your pills? You were supposed to take them after the dinner, I have handed them to you…"

"No... I will go and take them before you scold me." She walked out of the classroom before Carina could say anything.

Carina sighed at her mother’s behaviour.

"Is she alright…?" Snape asked trying to hide the worried tone of his voice.

"Not really. Actually, in the worst condition i have ever seen her... But i think seeing an old friend was good to her, she talked a little bit even i saw a glimpse of a smile. Maybe you can spend some time together?"

Snape paused for a moment, he wasn’t expecting a question like this at all.

"It was just an idea; you don't have to do it..."

"I... I would like to help." Snape mumbled unsurely; he would like to spend some time with Scarlett but he was also very nervous about it.

"Thank you so much professor, I really appreciate it." Carina was smiling happily when Scarlett came back silently and sat on the chair once again.

"Took the pills?"

Scarlett nodded as yes and started to look around. The classroom hasn’t changed much, only there were many more shelves now. Then a candle tin caught her eyes on Snape's desk. She took the red tin that has a rose drawing on it. Snape has noticed what she was doing and kept watching her carefully. Scarlett took the lid off and saw the fully burnt candle. That moment they caught each other’s eyes for the first time in years and had the same flashback.

~

"Sev, i made this candle for you! There are rose petals in it and i added couple drops of my perfume. Whenever you are away and miss me just burn the candle; it will smell just like me." 20 years old Scarlett giggled cutely.

"Thanks love. You've even drawn a rose on the lid, a scarlet rose." Severus said while hugging her tightly and inhaled her rosy scent in, how much he loved that scent.

"My first thought was putting my own photo on it but then ended up with the rose so it wouldn’t be as creepy." She laughed.

"I'd love your photo too." He kissed her lips softly. "I hope I will never have to burn this candle, ever."

~

"Why are you still keeping this?" Scarlett asked suddenly.

Carina was surprised by her mother's bold question; she was not the kind of woman who likes to involve things that are none of her business so that question was very unlikely of her. Also Carina was afraid of her professor’s reaction, he truly hated when someone touches his stuff without asking but she hoped her mum could get the friend pass.

"It has a memory that I would like to keep." Snape answered casually and walked to the potion shelves while trying to ignore her eyes.

Scarlett didn't say anything else and put the tin back on his desk. She was surprised that he still had it, why would he want to keep that yet alone burnt it even though he didn’t want her in his life. While she was thinking about these, Severus was lost in his own thoughts. Scarlett's presence had brought all the emotions that he was craving for years. And here she was sitting right there but he was scared to talk or even look at her. He kept arranging the shelves to distract himself from her while Carina made some potions to renew the old ones for a while.

"Professor i finished the potions you asked for, do you need any help there?"

Carina's voice brought him back to reality from his mind. "No, no thank you. If you are all done, you can leave. That’s all for tonight."

"Okay professor, have a good night." Carina smiled and packed her stuff.

"Good night." Severus said silently while still avoiding Scarlett’s gaze.

 Carina and Scarlett went back to their room and started to get ready for the bed.

"Mummy why did you ask him that question about the candle? It was so random."

Scarlett just shrugged her shoulders while brushing her copper coloured locks.

"It made him, i dunno, kind of sad? Probably it was a gift from a loved one. But to be honest it always caught my eye too because the look of it screams -you-."

Scarlett didn't answer to that as well and just laid down on the bed.

"Mum you are so talkative tonight..." Carina sighed while getting into the bed with her.

"I have a headache Carrie, i just want to sleep." Scarlett lied, she was not in the mood of talking about this at all.

"Okay, sweet dreams mama." Carina kissed her cheek.

"Sweet dreams baby."

Scarlett closed her eyes but the memories didn't let her to fall asleep, it would be a long night.

Taglist:

@snapefiction @lizlil @elizabeth-baelish @misselsbells06 @mais-e @lunnybunny12 @anfre109 @entirelymesmerising @wolvesofwinter13 @mrssnivellussnape

If you wanna be on my taglist, let me know!

[gildedmuse]

Anonymous asked:

do you like any of the one piece manga colorspreads? if yes, which ones?

(Apparently you cannot answer questions more than once which seems like a flaw. People can always change their mind.

Let's see, where did I leave off? Oh that's right. the Strawhats are a acid punk rock band now . So the obvious next step is...

Devil Fruit's Angels

That's right, in this universe the Strawhats aren't marauders of the sea. They're marauders of the open road.

Look at this badass biker gang. And I'm not abbreviating for motorcycles. Luffy heard there were such a thing as a biker gang and took it very literally. Best of all, he got eight people to go along with this.

Eventually, he accidentally tore the bottom wheel rim from his bike, the Going Merry, but then they met Franky and since he was unaware of Luffy's stupidity innocence at this time, he built him an actual damn motorcycle. Zoro painted the sidecar to look like a shark (okay technically Usopp did the painting and Zoro bitched about it but he loves it if anyone scratches that paint job they immediately find themselves with their blades in their face). He just lays there, sleeping, sometimes doing weights while letting Luffy drive a fucking motorcycle.

Love that Nami weighed up her choices and her and Robin decide to ride with Usopp. Let's face it, he is easily the most responsible rider. Well, that's why Nami choose him. Chopper has two designated seats: Usopp's basket and Zoro's lap. So of course Robin has to sit where she can see Chopper.

Also, LOOK HOW FUCKING CUTE CHOPPER IS IN A BASKET.

Brook seems to be riding a penny farthing which is pretty amazing. He probably just had one in his garage from his youth. Sanji has wisely decided to ride backwards bitchseat so that smoke doesn't fly back in his own face. I am unable to see what Franky is driving. I assume his bottom half turns into a motorcycle. I mean why not?

The Strawhat Gang does pretty much the exact same shit they do as Pirates. I mean, Luffy even falls into water just as often. How? It's Luffy that's how.

Law's little group of anarchist ride around in a yellow Volkswagen Beetle. Fight me.

Winter Wonder Island

IS THAT PENGUIN WEARING ZORO'S HARAMAKI? HOW DID HE GET IT? DIES ZORO KNOW? DID HE GIVE OT TO HIM? DID ZORO THINK THE PENGUIN'S BELLY MIGHT BE COLD?

I love Nami and Chopper playing, though Chopper looks less pleased. Plus the polar bear and Luffy are just the same person/bear. And nothing can convince me Robin isn't currently getting a back massage by a walrus. That is how my bitch roles.

The Straw Helmets

And we're back to the AUs.

Total honesty time: I picked this less put of love (though I enjoy most the AU ones) and more to annoy a friend.. See, I know many a Norwegian. They are a super nice country, you guys.

Who get super pissed at popular depictions of Vikings. Which are wrong.

And yet this particular reimagining is so wrong it's like gone full circle. I mean it's still nowhere near accurate but damn is it awesome. Are they riding walruses? Oda knows the Vikings had horses, right? And reindeer?

And yet he's gone with the well known domestic walrus. Huh. It's a choice.

Honestly, Franky and Usopp's costumes look more gladiator than Viking (also, I know you are a pervert Franky, but you literally gonna die of hypothermia.) Chopper is apparently one of those famous Japaness Vikings based on his costume design while Luffy is wearing something I can 100% imagine Doflamingo owned at some point. And Zoro....

Well, there is a reason I have a tag called Zoro's sense of direction and/or fashion. Look at that thing. That is a mess. I love it.

Get Wet

Nami, babe, me, Brook, Sanji, and apparently Robin a appreciate how sexy you're being right now.

But all I see is Zoro's damn fine back with water forming little riblets around his muscles. Also, love the boy's smile as he watches Luffy. He totally knows what's about to go down and thinks it's fucking hilarious.

They Call It The Grand Line

Every member of the coward trio (plus guest member Brook) is freaking the fuck out and I love it. Chopper and Nami are cling to one another, Brook's soul has left his body, and I'm pretty certain Usopp has half climbed into the seat in front of him to grab Zoro. Which I cannot blame him for.

Meanwhile, Robin is watching this whole spectacle with mild amusement, Sanji is straight up grilling... While on the back of a rollar coaster, Franky is chowing down on some of that food and Zoro... Zoro is getting drunk. On a rollar coaster.

The only one who seems to be having any fun is Luffy, sitting, of course, on his special seat. Look at that kid, he's having a blast. Well now we know how all the other Strawhats ended up here.

A Game Of Chicken

There's a lot I could say about this picture, but all I'm going to say is this: Zoro is clearly riding a weird ass chocobo.

What else can beat that?

Pirate Olympics: Where Everyone Is Winner Wanted Man

Oh, look, it's another AU one!

Look, over all, everyone has a sport that is either well suited to them (except maybe Brook. I mean soccer? Really? Not, like short distance sprinting since he's the fastest strawhat or fencing? If it were winter he could participate in the skeleton - yohohoho!).

Let's just amire Zoro playing baseball THREE BAT STYLE. LIke a goddamn boss.

You Know What's Awesome? Drugs.

It doesn't even matter what's going on in this one, it's goddamn beautiful.

Just Another Sunny Day

[You know when I said I haven't read the manga yet? Well, also terrible with visual images - the world should be in words in my opinion. So this, it turns out, is not a colorspread but fanart by the very talented Frayten who I deeply apologize to for not crediting earlier. I'm keeping it though, because it's amazing art, it's been reblogged and at least now it's properly credit on the main post. Many thanks to @blueriza to for being a better fan than I am.]

I really enjoy this little switch up. I want to believe it isn't just Law fucking with them but they've all inhaled some kind of mind switching pollen of something. So one day Law just came out to find Robin making breakfast and heart eyes at all the men, Sanji eating nothing but meet and bouncing around like he was made of rubber, Franky trying to play the violin, Chopper taling wild stories about when he was captain, Usopp training for a couple hours before passing out, Brook worrying over everyone's health, Nami striking posed while talking about how SUPER it all is, and Luffy, for once in his life, perfectly calm as he sits there reading.

That would be hilarious but, yeah, obviously it was Law. Look at how Nami Zoro is threatening him. She know exactly who pulled this shit. And look at Law's smug little smirk.

Hey, you suppose Law flirted with Nami Zoro? I know it's Nami but she's still got Zoro's abs and ass. Just throwing that out there.

[cuttlefishkitch]

hello! i haven't talked to you before, but ron said that i could ask you for some advice on writing eds? (i'd like to know things to avoid/common things that could come up in everyday life that would be good to mention/the sort of aids and stuff they'd have maybe?/anything else you think is relevant)

Hi! Sorry this took so long, a combination of ADHD and chronic pain slowed me way the fuck down. Thank you for being patient! 

EDIT: WEIRD HEEL THINGS I FORGOT!!

So, before I get into this I should probably say I technically haven’t been diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (EDS for anyone reading) because it’s one of those syndromes that takes forever to get diagnosed with (it took a friend of mine’s mother over 30 years to get dxed). Many doctors, and everyone I know who does have EDS agree with me that it’s probably what causes my chronic joint pain and some of my other chronic issues. But just because three separate doctors have said “Yeah Probably” doesn’t mean I’m diagnosed!! Only a geneticist can do that!! And they had two-three year waitlists BEFORE the apocalypse happened.

I am diagnosed with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), Small Fiber Neuropathy, and potentially misdiagnosed with Fibromyalgia (once I get properly tested for EDS I might get undiagnosed with this because I don’t have most of the main symptoms of Fibro, but I got diagnosed with it anyway because it’s what doctors misDX you with when they don’t know what’s wrong with you and don’t want to do more tests).

All that said, I’ve done a lot of research about EDS (mainly because it’s the only thing that explains all my symptoms since doctors seem incapable of doing so), and know a few people who have either confirmed or suspected EDS, so I’ll link to some stuff, talk about the symptoms that often come with EDS, explain how the symptoms I have affect me, because just because someone’s not diagnosed doesn’t mean they aren’t having symptoms, and probs elaborate a bit about writing physical disabilities and chronic pain in general because it’s super important to me! 

So RESOURCES aka how to make sure your post never sees the light of day because you’re linking things and tumblr hates it when people give other people information!!

Youtubers! If you want to know about the day to day of living with EDS or any disability or chronic illness I super suggest finding a youtuber that makes videos about their life. My EDS favorites are

Jessica Kellgren-Fozard

Annie Elainey

Amy Lee Fisher

Websites! If you’re asking random folks on tumblr I’m assuming (and hoping) you’ve already done the basic WebMD google searches and looked over the seemingly ridiculous lists of symptoms and related conditions, so here are a few websites that are made more for people than for doctors.

The Ehlers Danlos Society

OhTWIST (That’s Why I’m So Tired)

ChronicPainPartners (the fact that they have an entire section of articles called “Dealing with Doctors” should really tell you something)

Books! If you feel like doing actual reading! I suggest reading books written by people with Ehlers Danlos, to get a feel for how they portray themselves. I’m not saying steal, but it’s probably a good point of comparison to see how your portrayal feels. (haven’t actually read these b/c my ADHD doesn’t let me read)

Ria Ruse by Morgan S. Ray (a superhero book with a disabled super MC!!)

Mysteries of Maybelle by Imani Benfell (Imani is still in high school and has already written and self-published a book cause she didn’t have enough representation for herself how cool is she!!)

Bodies in Motion by Liana Brooks (tw for pregnancy problems and miscarriages in the link, because it’s a blog post talking about integrating EDS symptoms into the story without explicitly naming them as such)

OKAY, now for some rambling about EDS SYMPTOMS!!!

Ehlers Danlos is one monster of a genetic condition in complexity and variety. There are THIRTEEN different identified types of EDS, it often comes with Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) and/or POTS, and can lead to various other conditions like gastroparesis, chiari malformation, craniocervical instability, and/or bad teeth. So if you’re going to be writing a character with EDS consider what other comorbid conditions they might also have. I’m mainly going to be talking about Hypermobile EDS (hEDS) because it’s what I probably have and what I’m most familiar with. That said there is a lot of overlap in symptoms with the other varieties.

I started typing this section and realized I was going to have to break it down even more so we’re going to talk about Chronic Pain, Unstable Joints (Dislocations and Subluxations), Skin Things, Mobility Issues, and Other Weird Shit and how those things get addressed separately.

Gonna get the Other Weird Shit out of the way first. Because EDS is a malfunction of connective tissue it can fuck up all sorts of random things. For instance, I and many other people w/ hEDS have trouble swallowing. Shit gets stuck in my throat, I sometimes choke on and have to cough up food, and pills can be hard to swallow, which sucks cause I take A Lot Of Pills. If it doesn’t cause full-on gastroparesis it can cause IBS or other digestive problems b/c the digestive tract is mostly made of connective tissue. It can potentially cause heart problems even if they aren’t as big of a risk as in some other forms of EDS. Premature osteoarthritis is common because what you need is more joint pain. And Fatigue OH BOY THE FATIGUE. And of course the headaches, can’t forget those pesky migraines can we!

AND piezogenic papules!! I completely forgot!! Piezogenic papules are little white bumps that appear when you put weight on your heel. In some people they hurt, but in others they don’t. They’re technically tiny little herniations of fat peaking through the fascia in the heel. They were added as part of the diagnostic criteria for hEDS in 2017!

Now for Skin Things cause it’s not as big a thing in hEDS as it is in other forms. Basically, in a lot of forms of EDS, the skin is extra stretchy and extra delicate. It bruises and tears easily, people with the extreme versions of this can accidentally scratch something into an open wound if they aren’t careful. My skin is pretty soft and sensitive, I def have the typical velvety skin, and as is pretty par for the course of someone with hEDS my skin is a little stretchy, and sorta delicate. I’m not as tissue-papery as some people get, but I almost always have at least one mystery bruise or scrape b/c existing is hazardous. Most of scars are also pretty normal, unlike the extremely papery and atrophic scars (though I have a few tiny acne scars that are atrophic) that are common with other kinds of hEDS. Something that I DO have is Lots of Stretch Marks, all over my thighs, and even down to my calves. Which wouldn’t be abnormal, except for the fact that I’ve never been over 145 lbs and I’ve never been pregnant. Having a lot of stretch marks or striations in the skin without due cause happens because the structure of the skin isn’t as strong as it is in people with a normal amount of connective tissue.

I don’t have to worry as much about my skin but people that do are usually very careful with adhesives because they can irritate or tear the skin, which sucks when you need a lot of bandaids cause your darn skin won’t do its job.

Now on to the meatier stuff and since I’m mostly working backward let’s do Mobility Issues!! These can happen in loads of ways, but a lot of what causes these in people with EDS are the other two things I wanna talk about. Unstable joints lead to increased risk of injury when doing stuff people with fully functioning joints can do.

For context, I’m an ambulatory wheelchair user, meaning I can walk, but a lot of the time it’s better if use a chair. Mine is mostly for my POTS symptoms, but the fact that my legs aren’t also in absolute agony is a big plus. I use a custom manual wheelchair with a SmartDrive (b/c I’m very fucking fortunate and have good insurance) whenever I leave the house and have to be “walking” for more than a few minutes at a time. I can’t fully self-propel in a manual chair because it would be damaging to the joints in my arms and hands, but the smaller chair is easier to maneuver in less than accessible spaces (like almost everywhere). There was about a month-long span where I used a very cheap and very bulky electric chair while I was waiting on the ideal set up I have now. Before that, I also briefly used, and sometimes still use, an up-right posture cane.

People with EDS have widely varying mobility issues because of how uniquely it can manifest. My cane only gave me a little help with balance because if I used it in any prolonged capacity any pain it took away from my legs was relocated to my arms, and as an artist, my arms are more important to me!

If you’re going to write a character with EDS having mobility issues as a result of their EDS the best thing to do is to narrow down their specific needs. Are their knees complete and utter garbage but their shoulders and wrists strong? Maybe they can get away with using a cane. Can they not stand for longer than 5 minutes because of the vertigo from their POTS? Maybe they need a manual wheelchair. Would propelling themself damage their back and arm joints? An electric chair might be necessary! Plenty of people with EDS use all sorts of combinations of these aides to get around their life, consider how your character’s good and bad days would be. Do they have back up plans if they overestimate themselves? There can be a lot to manage, but don’t let it scare you off! Sometimes I try and make it into a resource management game (because I’m a game designer and that’s what I do), to make evaluating my energy and mobility needs more fun!

But now let's tackle some of the reasons those mobility aides might be needed. Unstable Joints.

Ever stepped wrong and rolled your ankle? It hurts for a few steps and then kinda fixes itself, or maybe it bothers you for the rest of the day and you put it up and ice it when you get home? When I was walking around outside my house that would happen AT LEAST once a month, usually more. Some times I’m sitting wrong and when I get up my knee isn’t a knee anymore and decides to just give out from under me. My knuckles are made of unruly popcorn and they Don’t Want To Stay Home!! Oh! And my shoulder is more often out a little out of its socket than it is fully in.

Unstable joints lead to Dislocations and Subluxations of varying intensity, and some people get them more frequently than others. Some can be severe enough to necessitate hospital visits and even surgery, some subluxations are so banal (like my fUCKING SHOULDER) that you just learn to live with the pain.

If a character is going to be in high action, combat-heavy scenarios, chances are they’re going to be popping out joints left and right. Hell, depending on the severity of their joint laxity they could be doing the same sitting at a desk. Again, it’s incredibly varied. I’d suggest setting some sort of baseline for yourself, of what a character’s joints can and can’t stand up to, and maybe do some research on which joints are most likely to pop out in general (hips and shoulders are big culprits being the wacky ball and socket motherfuckers they are). Then maybe have something pop out or hold up every so often when it shouldn’t cause hey! EDS is kinda just like that! Unpredictable!

Some ways people manage joint laxity is with braces, KT tape, and physical therapy. Braces come in many different forms, since I’m currently getting pretty much no treatment for my shitty joints I use mostly compression braces made for sporty people. It really is amazing how much a bit of tight fabric can do to keep my wrist in place.

More specialized braces often have solid parts to prevent the joints from hyper-extending (bending the wrong way) and causing further damage. If you ever see someone with what looks like diamond shaped rings around a bunch of their finger joints, chances are those are Ring Splints, and are there to keep the finger shaped like a finger. I want to get my hands on some and get some on my hands Very Badly, because my fingers hyper-extend SO MUCH when I type, and it makes my hand pain way way worse.

KT tape is another thing people often use. It’s stretchy tape you put on your skin and it basically functions kinda like a second ligament as well as reinforcing the joint and keeping the bones mostly where they’re supposed to be. The problem with this is a lot of people with EDS have very sensitive and fragile skin like I mentioned before, so KT tape can cause allergic reactions, chronic skin irritation, or just straight up take the skin with it when someone goes to remove it. Hence a lot of folks are really careful with it.

Physical Therapy is kinda the best (and only) treatment for joint laxity aside from Very Invasive and sometimes Highly Experimental surgery. It focuses on strengthening the muscles around the joints so they can do the work all those bone ropes made of body glue can’t. The problem is finding a physical therapist that 1) knows what EDS even is, 2) knows you have it, and 3) knows how to treat it without doing stuff that’ll Phucking Hurt You Worse!! Because exercising wrong with EDS can do Permanent Damage!!!

Again most folks use a combination of all of these things, or have next to no access to them b/c healthcare sucks.

Anyway, on to one of my favorite topics, Chronic Pain!! One of the reasons this post took me so long!!!

Chances are if your character has chronic pain as a result of their EDS there are gonna be some things they hate, including stairs, rain, thunderstorms, stairs, hills, uneven terrain, oh and did I mention stairs??? It’s going to vary person to person, but almost everyone I’ve met with pain from EDS has complained about their knees. For me the most debilitating pain is in my fingers and wrists. They’re by far my least stable joints but I use them constantly for stuff like drawing, typing, and sewing.

Because my joint pain is so wide spread, like most people’s with hEDS, it effects every single part of my day to day life. I can’t carry a heavy ceramic plate, open a bottle, or even use my computer without pain. It’s practically impossible for me to get comfortable in any position be it sitting or laying down, and as you can imagine that makes it hard to sleep a lot of the time. Moving too much hurts, but so does sitting still. I’m constantly taking braces on and off or cracking/stretching my joints so they pop back into place and hurt less.

Also being in pain makes everything else That Much Worse. I get tired way faster than I did before my pain was this bad (I had chronic pain for a while before actually realizing it wasn’t normal to not be able to walk down the block without feeling like your foot bones are trying to escape). My sensory issues and anxiety disorder are more easily aggravated because my base level of comfort is way worse. It fucks with my depression. And OH BOY does it make my ADHD worse because being in pain is fucking distracting as hell and makes it harder to make decisions and switch tasks. Also my ADHD often makes my other symptoms worse cause I forget to take my meds, don’t drink enough water, or can’t find my fucking braces because the item eating black-hole that comes with ADHD stole them. The intersection of mental and physical disabilities is probably a rant for another time though, so back to chronic pain.

Does it suck? Yes, undoubtedly. Is this incredibly debilitating? Of course it is, I spent the last several months unable to feed myself without assistance because there was a staircase between my room and the kitchen and I could only manage to climb it once a day. Is it overwhelming? Definitely, I’ve frequently broken down crying from a combination of pain and frustration because I’m having a bad day and there’s no relief to be found. Am I able to predict when it’s going to rain with uncanny accuracy because any change in barometric pressure makes me feel like every bone in my body is trying to kill it’s neighbors? You bet your fucking ass I am!! Does it sometimes make me irritable, angry, and occasionally dismissive of when abled people get cold or a temporary injury because the stuff they’re complaining about is my life every single day and all avenues of treatment and recovery I have could take years and still not entirely solve my issues? Yeah, and while I deserve a little extra patience I also have to be sure to check myself because I don’t want to turn into someone who’s nasty to be around. Do I sometimes need to sleep for 17 hours straight because it’s raining, I have migraine, and I’m in too much pain to be conscious? Yup, sometimes a few days in a row. Does living in constant pain mean I’m unable to do all the things I want to and does that sometimes make me wanna curl up in bed and never leave? Yeah, it happens.

But! And here’s the big important but, that’s not everything! I still write, draw, and talk to my friends!! It might take me a little longer but I get there. I’m still happy and excitable and make the time to write out five page long posts about EDS because it’s something I’m passionate about! My chronic pain doesn’t stop me. I refuse to let it. I never really wanted to go mountain climbing anyway, so I’m perfectly happy being able to make it up and down the six steps in my house, even if sometimes I have to sit and bump down them on my ass, or crawl up them like a cat. Chronic pain isn’t all I am. It isn’t a fate worse than death. It isn’t the only thing your character should talk about (though I do talk about my pain a lot cause I’m a complainer about almost everything). You can have your character be hindered by their pain, realistically they would be. You can have them seek comfort, support, and relief. Other characters can commiserate and be sympathetic, but it doesn’t mean their whole life is going to be one big pity party, that would be incredibly fucking boring. I know I’d be bored out of my mind.

All that said dealing with chronic pain, especially from EDS, is Complicated. Physical Therapy is the gold standard, but like I said before it can be a long and difficult process, and isn’t always accessible. Stabilization methods like I talked about before can help prevent pain, or reduce it by keeping bones mostly where they belong. Heat and cold help joints, relax muscles, and reduce inflammation but keeping them applied is rough and the relief doesn’t always last. Doctors prescribe anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, and sometimes even anti-epileptic medication to help manage pain, but everyone’s mileage with those varies. And I’m not at all qualified to talk in-depth about narcotics or other heavy duty pain-meds, but suffice to say the war on drugs fucked shit up for people that legit need that kind of help BIG TIME.

Now for my closer/bonus rant about EDS and Disability Writing in General!

Everyone always says write what you know, so if you really want to do disabled people justice, get to know disabled people! Make friends with disabled people, get involved with advocacy groups, consume content made by disabled creators both about disability and not! Disabilities are so fucking diverse, even EDS is such a complex disorder, and comes with so many potential co-morbidities, that practically everyone with it has a unique experience. There’s no way I can fully explain everything in a tumblr post. Hell, even if I could talk to you for hours probably couldn’t give you enough info to answer all your questions (especially since I’m still in diagnosis hell :,) ), so talk to a wide range of people with EDS and other disabilities!! I know it sounds like a lot of work but trust me, disabled people are some of the strongest, raddest, coolest, people you will ever meet that it won’t feel like it.

And don’t be afraid either, the fact that EDS and other disabilities are so wildly varied means that you have a little bit of wiggle room with your character’s experience. There’s so little disability rep out their I think people are WAY to scared to try their hand at writing it. So long as your character is a fully developed person in addition to being disabled, you give some logical thought as to how it would affect their life, and you don’t make their disability the butt of any joke it isn’t difficult to avoid ableist writing. PLEASE WRITE MORE DISABLED PEOPLE AND PEOPLE WITH CHRONIC PAIN/CHRONIC ILLNESS!!

Okay that’s it, again sorry it took so long for me to get back to you! My fingers were being little pests about it, and my ADHD (which is honestly more disabling than everything else a lot of the time lmao) was being an asshole! Hope this helps, and feel free to ask me more questions if you need clarification! It might take me a bit but I do love talking about this stuff.

[argueably-pretty-rad]

My Opinion: Feminism

Now, before anyone takes a good hard look at this post, know that I am a girl. I am not speaking about people I don't understand. If you take offense to this, that's perfectly fine; block me and leave my page forever, I really don't care. I'm just voicing my thoughts in a nonviolent way, and don't need any negative feedback. With that said, read if you'd like.

I got the idea to make this post when I watched a YouTube video a little while ago. Many have probably seen it as it came out back in 2016. I'd watched the video before, but seeing it again made me so mad that I just had to talk about it. It's called "36 Stupid Feminist Questions Answered," and it's by the user Dr Shaym. If you haven't seen it already, I suggest you do so now.

Now, I already hate BuzzFeed with a burning passion, but this is their worst video yet. They really give feminists such a bad name. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a feminist. In fact, I used to hate feminists, mainly because people like the women in the video are the ones who get talked about the most. Now they are truly feminists. They seem to want nothing more than to be above men. They generalize constantly, looking at a few bad people that happen to have dicks, and decide that everybody that ever had a dick except maybe their dad or a gay best friend is a shitface. All men are assholes, men think they're so much better than us, my boyfriend doesn't understand me, blah blah blah.

No, I consider myself to be a gender equalist. Anybody can do anything, whether that's good or bad. A girl can beat the shit out of a guy and force him to have sex with her, just the same as a guy can be understanding of women and love rom-coms. You've gotta understand that, while it may not be as likely, things go both ways.

Let me bring up a scenario that shows how many holes and contradictions are in those feminists' questions in the video. A few of the sexist questions these women brought up were along the lines of:

Why do men feel like they can't show their emotions?

Why do you feel the need to prove your masculinity to women?

Why are women seen as the weaker sex?

Why is it your first instinct to doubt women who claim to have been raped?

Now, before I build this scenario, let me bring up a great point that Dr Shaym brought up:

"Men are socially conditioned from the day we learn to talk to not express our feelings. We are brought up constantly being told to man up and that boys don't cry. We don't have the privilege of showing our emotions because if we do, it is seen as a sign of weakness. To put it simply, us men are programmed to believe our own feelings are invalid, and so we hide them and we lie about them. We are raised to expect that if we tell you our feelings, you will shoot them down. You will tell us we're wrong for feeling the way we do, and even if you don't, we still don't want to tell you our feelings because we fear you will use them against us."

Now imagine this: You, as a boy, are forced to do something sexual with a girl you don't want to be with. You cry about it, as anyone would, alone and afraid. When you try to tell someone, perhaps your best friend, you're laughed at. "Dude, how did you let a girl pin you down? How weak can you be?" You, believing you should conform with your friends like every other person, decide to "man up" and swallow all of your feelings. The girl, seeing that she hasn't suffered any repercussions, goes after you again. You, being scared and frustrated, attempt to push her off. When she doesn't relent, you have no choice but to use self defense. She's angry and has a bruise on her face, and now has very good evidence that you have raped her and hit her in the process. She accuses you as such, and you are sent to prison. Your friends and family are disgusted, no one believes you, you have charges for things you never did. Your rapist roams free, likely doing the same to other men. You cry, as anyone would when their life is ruined.

Now tell me what you've learned from this scenario, because we all know for a fact that the women in that video would've supported the rapist without question. No one questioned that this girl might've done wrong. There was evidence, but no one tried to rearrange the story to fit it properly. This scenario, or something very similar to it, has likely happened already. If it hasn't, then it surely will soon.

The next order of business is one of the most popular things I've heard come out of a feminist's mouth, and every time I hear it I absolutely want to strangle whoever said it: WhY Do MEn tHinK ThEy'RE tHe StRoNGeR GeNDeR?

Because lady, whether you like it or not, men scientifically are proven to be stronger than women. Please take a good hard look at these statistics and educate yourself.

In case you didn't have common sense like the feminists in the video, muscle is what gives you strength. There are obviously exceptions, but ON AVERAGE, men are stronger than women, and that goes for every section on that table.

Onto the very much talked about wages gap. As mentioned in the video, it's not as though the gap doesn't exist. The thing is though, it's technically woman's fault it exists. Allow me the bring up another very valid quote from Dr Shaym:

"The observed wage Gap is based on comparing the average income of men to the average income of women without considering any variables. Sometimes when the wage Gap is brought up they add in that women get paid less for the same jobs, but that's horseshit. Asking why women get paid less than men is like asking why why men are more likely to die in the workplace than women: it's because men and women tend to work different jobs, and just like some jobs are more dangerous than others, some jobs pay more than others, and since men tend to work higher-paying jobs, such as those in STEM fields, men tend to make more money. And even when you are comparing men and women working the same jobs, there are things which factor into why men get paid more such as the fact that men are more likely to work overtime, are more likely to ask for raises or promotions, are less likely to take time off, are more competitive, are more likely to take risks, prioritize earnings more than women, retire at a later age, and all these other things which studies have found."

Dr Shaym goes on to make more reasonable points as to why the wage gap exists, but this excerpt from the video is more than enough to prove that this point that many feminists bring up is unreasonable and uneducated.

Final thoughts: I'm all for equal rights and such, but the way feminists antagonize men is not okay, and I wanted to voice that. I know this is a pretty controversial rant for a first post, but I just wrote what came to me.

Anyway, I'm pretty positive you can gauge my views on feminism by now, and I think I've done well enough for the post. I highly recommend watching Dr Shaym's video, and thank you for reading if you've gotten this far. I mean no harm in this post, and only wish to state an opinion.

[carcrash15]

I'm sorry

It was a stormy day and you were out in the open in a small city in Norway. It had been devastating for you after your tragic break up with Steve and you had left your job as an Avenger and had also resigned from SHIELD.

You were forced to move away to Norway and was now leading a simple life. You would work at a local book store and would spend your nights in clubs and indulging yourself in alcohol and sex. The only things that would keep you out of Steve's memories. The only time you would think of him was when you would retire to your bed after a long day of work and that's when all those memories would haunt you down. His body on your's, both your bodies tangled together, the moanful nothings, the soft kisses, the touch, everything. And then that one night. The one night you would never want to remember. The night Steve walked in with hatred in his eyes. The night he tried to violate you even after you said no. The insults and every fucking thing.

You were pulled back in the present when you realised that the storm was growing worse and it was raining heavily. You went and took shelter under the shade of a closed cafe. There was no one on the streets and that's when you started to wander why had you even got out on that day? The storm took a worse shape and the shade above you was blown away and you almost screamed and fell down when you felt a pair of strong arms prevent you from falling face flat.

You stumbled a bit and managed to gain your balance and then stood properly and turned back to face your saviour.

Your blood boiled at the sight of his face. His blue, white and red armour fitted his body perfectly, but his shield was missing.

You didn't say a word and started to walk in the opposite direction.

"Y/n?" You heard him call your name. "Let's go. The storm's not safe."

You stood at your tracks, but didn't turn back. His voice still made shivers run down your spine.

"Y/n, please. It's not safe here." He pleaded.

This time you turned back and faced him with your face having an indifferent look. "I thought it was over. I don't think I have any more business left with you."

"Y/n, please it's not the time to argue, it's not safe here and I'm here for your rescue." He looked at you with pleading eyes. His baby blue orbs piercing through you.

"I don't think that I need to be rescued by you, Captain Rogers. Even after..." You were cut by a yelp and Steve's pleading voice.

"Y/n please. I beg you." He had been hit hard on the face by a tree trunk and was now bleeding.

"No way that I'm coming with you." You said sternly.

"Not forme, but for Tony, Bruce, Natasha, Clint? They haven't done wrong to you then why are you punishing them?" Steve asked with teary eyes. He had hit you hard where it actually hurts.

Your face softened a bit and you nodded your head in approval and he said something via his com and soon a quin jet landed Infront of you and both of you boarded.

Tony was waiting for both of you at the entrance with a wide smile. The moment you boarded, he embraced you in a brotherly hug and kisses your temple.

"Finally you agreed to meet your big brother again. I'm not gonna leave you soon this time." He said with a bright face.

"Oh, come on are we invisible or something?" It was Natasha.

"Oh, no you definitely are not invisible darling." You said as you hugged her.

"Do inform us before you leave next time and as per my guess, it's not gonna be anytime soon." Both the women giggled at it.

All this while, Steve was standing at a corner smiling at you but then he started to cough and exited the room, followed by Tony.

Natasha had been chatting with you for a while till she retired to the cockpit to take a look at Clint.

You aimlessly walked towards where Steve and Tony had disappeared. That's when you heard whispers from inside the room.

"What the hell were you planning when you jumped out of the plane in the storm and rain with a chest infection?" It was Tony.

"Tony, I'm not gonna die you know that the serum..." Steve was cut as he started to cough violently.

You cracked the door open a little and peeped in. Steve was coughing blood in a white handkerchief.

"See now you're coughing blood." Tony said in a shout.

"Tony lower, Y/n's just in the next room." Steve managed to say in between his coughs.

"Steve we know you're not gonna die but doing such things will increase your pain. Anyway it is that you're going through a lot even though you don't want to show it, it's still visible on your face." It was now Bruce's kind voice.

Steve was bent down by the coughing fits as he looked up at Bruce and clutched his chest hard in pain a he said between his coughs, "Y-you ..kn-kno--know I love t-the p-p-pain."

His eyes were glassy and he looked at Bruce with pleading eyes.

The sight made tears run down your eyes as you felt your heart ache. Whatever it was but you can never deny the fact that you still loved Steve.

"Steve you really should lay down now." It was Tony's voice this time. But it was soft and kind, so unlike Tony.

"No, I'm fine." Steve protested.

"Sorry but you're not." Tony's voice was stern this time. "Bruce prepare for the treatment."

"Tony, not now please." It was Steve. His voice horse from coughing.

"I don't wanna listen to anything. Anyways you've caused a lot of damage already, we can't afford to wait till we reach the tower." Said Tony as he helped Steve up and made him lay down on the medical table.

Bruce helped Steve open the upper portion of his armour and take off the shirt under it.

Bruce then plugged an IV in Steve's left arm and plugged two wires on both sides of his chest which were connected to a monitor.

Tony then held Steve's head in position as Bruce was pushing a tube into Steve's mouth and another tube into Steve's nose.

You could see Steve's face whiten with pain as folded his fingers into a painfully tight fist. But he made no sound. It was only once that his body jumped up but Tony's grip on him tightened and there was no more movement.

You didn't notice Tony coming out and then he was face to face with you.

"Y/n, you here?" He asked in horror.

"What's this happening Tony? What's happened to Steve? For how long has this..." You were cut off by Tony.

"Y/n, let us just talk outside. Steve needs rest." Was all Tony said and pulled you by the rust to the other room.

"I want an explanation guys." You shouted out in frustration.

Everyone was present there except for Steve. All their heads hung low.

"Y/n, Steve didn't want us to inform you. He has been diagnosed with a chest infection which is not quite cute able and is really painful. Though it will not kill him, but it has made him very weak and probably he'll never be able to fight again like before. And Y/n that's the reason he...." Tony was cut off by you.

"That's the reason he broke up with me. Because he didn't want me to spend my life with a dependent person." Your sentences ended with sobs.

"Yes." It was Tony's voice. Soft and gentle.

"Can I see him?" You looked up at Bruce with hopeful eyes.

"Hmm." Bruce hummed.

_

He was laying there on the table, most possibly asleep. His face was pale and his chest rised and fell painfully. His brows were furrowed in pain.

You went and sat on the chair next to the table. How could you not notice the pain he was going through? You loved him, but you only saw the mask of ruthlessness covering his pained withins.

You placed a hand on his head, stroking his blonde strands from his face.

He slowly and painfully opened his eyes. His baby blue orbs portrayed the intense pain he was going through and was trying to hide from everyone.

He took a deep breath by closing his eyes shut. You could say that breathing was really painful for him.

"Steve!" You sighed in disbelief. "Why would you even think that? I fell in love with the Steve Rogers who would cry for the lives he had taken in a mission, not the Captain America who would go fighting and killing people for the greater good. Steve whatever it may be, I love you and I will never stop loving you how hard I try."

"I'm sorry." He said still keeping his eyes closed. Trying to hide the pain from you which he was going through.

"Steve, it's okay. I'm sorry. I failed to understand the pain you were going through. I couldn't be a good friend. Why didn't you tell me?" You sighed.

"I thought you'd hate me. I'm no more the Captain America I was before. I'm now again the sick kid I used to be before the serum." His voice was painful.

Steve left a shuddering breath. You could see tears run down his eyes.

"Steve, I'm sorry. Please forgive me." You were crying by the time. Your hands on Steve's cheek.

"I'm sorry, Y/n." He whispered as he placed his IV'ed hand over your hand that was resting on his cheek and took you hand to his mouth to place a soft kiss at the back of your hand.

"I love you." Was all he said.

You ruffled his hair and kissed his temple gently as you said, "I love you too. And I'm never gonna leave your side, whatever it may be."

You looked at Steve. He was staring at you with smile on his lips and his puppy like baby blue eyes.

You laughed at his expression and so did he, but he handed up yelping and clutching his chest hard in pain.

You rubbed his chest to ease him and he kept on staring at you.

"Captain Rogers you should better sleep now or else you'll miss all the fun once we reach the tower.

And that was enough for Steve to close his eyes and doze off as you smoothed his hair.