#i know some people can super triggered by this kind of talk so hopefully the tags can keep it from you all

[dea-certe]

You know, every time I prove that Calories In, Calories Out weight loss is bullshit, I'm always amazed at how people in my life are shocked. I'm also surprised by how many people call bullshit on it and tell me I'm lying.

So, my job had this yearly thing they do where they give out points (which can then be used for things like e gift cards or various things like jewelry, furniture, kitchen ware, electronics, basically anything you can think of) if you sign up in this app which you input your food, water, exercise, and weight. Keeping those metrics within a certain threshold (like enough water, enough daily steps) gets you more points. I (like most people) like the rewards because they can be used for real world dollars (you can get prepaid Mastercards with like 10, 20, 50 loaded on it). So I usually always participate.

And since I started on anti depressants, my weight has slowly increased until plateaued at 160-165. In the last 6 months, I haven't gone below 160 once. Until today. And the only change I made was to add an extra 400-600 calories a day. Basically, I started eating snacks in between meals. We get 2 15 min breaks during the day in addition to our lunch breaks and I used to use those to sit back and scroll online, but in the last week, I've started eating snacks while I do that. Granted, they are "healthy" snacks, but I've always loved veggies and so adding some peas and carrots and tomatoes and salads to my daily eating isn't really a huge sacrifice. I actually love those.

And it's only been a week, but I just weighed myself to add to my weekly updates and found that I only weighed 150. Now, I am on the low weight side of my monthly cycle, but I usually only go down to 160-162. So I've obviously lost weight by adding more calories.

Now, here's where things get shitty. The app we use shares our updates with everyone else. And I have gotten a few nasty comments about how I must be lying about what I eat because there is no way I increased calories and lost weight. And like, science does not agree but these people are so entrenched in their world view of CICO that they can't possibly accept anything else. And like, a look at their pages shows their BMI scores are similar to mine (I'm only 5 feet tall, so my BMI score says I'm horribly overweight, but I've never cared about that because BMI is so obviously bullshit, but of course the app we use uses it as part of the measure of our health) and they're eating like 800-1200 calories a day mostly. And I'm eating 2000-2500. And apparently doing that while losing weight is just such an affront to these people, that they have to assume I'm lying.

And of course I just ignored them and moved on because one should never feed the trolls, but it just struck me as like so on brand with our ulture around health and weight that these people felt no qualms about calling me a lying bitch because what my updates show threatens their entire sense of self. I've seen it before when I've mentioned that in order to lose weight (as so many of my coworkers talk about because our job is mostly sedentary and a majority of the people I work with are "overweight" women and until a year ago when I started anti depressants, I was barely able to break 110 on a scale so they assumed I must be the pinnacle of health despite the fact that pictures of me from then scare me because I looked like I was majorly ill because I was so skinny) you have to eat more often to get your metabolism to wake the fuck up and stop assuming you're starving from lack of resources and so it needs to hang on to every inch of fat and energy it can get.

And that is just so much the opposite if every diet industry advice that people get mad when that advice works.

Anyway, sometimes I butt up against the diet industries brainwashed victims and I am struck by the weirdness of it all.

[iknowshocker]

What do you think Kai would be like as a boyfriend if he had a genuine/healthy bond with someone?

For being one of the funniest characters in tvdu, I don’t think we ever even saw someone laugh at one of his jokes, so I’ve always been curious what it would’ve looked like if just one person matched his energy or at least accepted him

oh my goodness, i love this queeeestiooon!

let me just quickly out myself by saying if you lined up all the TVD men and told me to pick, kai would be my one and only choice. 🙈 my love for him horrifies my husband but i stand behind my witchy woo man 🫡

first thank you !! for saying he's funny !! you're right no one really appreciates his humor in the show and its one of the silliest choices imo. like you can admit the scary man has jokes, guys, it's not going to kill you. (oof sidenote but him and Jo having the same humor/picking on each other is one of my fav things!)

if he was out and about making his lil comments and someone started giggling a few seats down at the bar i truly think he'd combust. also probably be like "....me? you - you're looking at me? you think i'm funny ??? 😳 AnD CUte ?? really????" and then try immediately to be cooler about it but like, he's screaming crying throwing up inside

canonically we also know he liked it when bonnie matched the more aggressive/argumentative side of his personality, so i don't think he'd be able to be with someone that didn't pick at him a little. you gotta be able to tease him back but also like .. not take it too far cause he 100% can't take as much as he can give lmao (one older sibling to another we're a lot more sensitive than we pretend to be)

basically i think kai needs:

somebody grounded to keep him from totally flipping out

but who is also willing to fight for what they believe in

spontaneous and playful - but also thoughtful and mindful of his mood swings

kind enough to love him completely despite his past

and supportive enough to help him rebuild the coven

so...yeah, bonnie, basically lol

i think s6 kai at minimum needs to be with a witch that is willing to share power, and s8 kai needs a vampire or heretic. s6 kai could make it work with a human but pre-merge you're risking a lot, and then if you put s8 kai with a witch/human, he's turning them no questions asked so we better hope they're okay with it. (let's just leave legacies kai out of this, okay? he is a different breed)

i picture him being touch starved like you wouldn't believe, so super super clingy and probably jealous at least in the beginning of a relationship. that would go for friendship, too, honestly.

i think it would be really hard for him to a. wrap his head around someone picking him and then b. allow them to also pick other people. i don't think he'd throw a klaus sized tantrum, he'd be more petty about it: "oh sorry i just assumed you liked damon now since you said you liked his hair today and yEaH i was listening from three tables over watching the whole thing don't lie i SAW HOW YOU SMILED AT HIM-,"

but like he'd mellow with that as time went on and he starts to believe he can trust being loved. on that note i think he'd need a lot of reassurance but simultaneously be embarrassed/unsure of how to ask for it. some fights would happen as he works through how to regulate himself, but i don't picture it being a delena level of toxic. kai is more self aware/honest about himself so even when he's making poor choices he's like "woah hold on, why am i doing this ?? ah yes, that's why" and i think he'd get to a point where he knows his triggers and can help a partner figure out how to avoid them/talk through them.

so think like "my boy only breaks his favorite toys" vibes. he's so sure things are going to be taken from him/stuff can't be trusted that he'll mess it up first to hopefully make it hurt less. but with time a partner could help him see that he can have nice things !! love is real !! id love to see him build up the coven/a friend group/family with a partner beside him and just !! enjoy life lmao

anon you said boyfriend not husband but i hc he'd actually be an amazing dad. i would want him to end up having a siphon !!! end the coven curse of abuse bb 👏🏼 i have a post detailing what i would have done with the parker's that talks about him being a good uncle too!! i don't know i just think he'd be weirdly good with kids. so even if we're talking heretic!kai he'd be bringing kids/teens into the coven to help them and he's gonna need a partner that is down with that

no matter the stage of relationship he's super tactile. (mans has no context or care over some PDA being inappropriate). you're always sitting in his lap, or he's draped over you requesting that you play with his hair, he keeps his hand in the back pocket of your jeans, he wants you to play with his rings, ect. just always always always touching in some way even if it's small. it was something he missed out on for so much of his life and i think having someone actively want to touch him would never get old.

(sad note i picture this being a bit of a PTSD thing for him too. so certain things would make him flinch or jump and he might not even really be aware of it all the time. like he'll be tense as hell and his partner is like "honey what's happening ?? where have you gone ??" and he'd have to take a second and body scan before realizing oh shit Yeah, something is Wrong)

he's possessive as hell so expect hickys left where everyone can see AND a smug annoucment that he knows where you got them :) if we're talking s8 kai i imagine he would leave bite scars intentionally. so like heal them with magic but leave the little fang marks so other vamps know you're spoken for and he'd probably also have them on his wrist

i think a common hc is that he's Always the dominate one, but we all saw him in those chains, boy's totally a switch. (i also personally hc that 1994 kai is virgin!kai, but that's a story for another day). still tho i do think control is a big thing for him so he's definitely more comfortable being the one in charge. with trust comes wanting to mix things up tho so that's nice all around.

hands down the best boy to date during the holiday season are we kidding ??? any little thing you can possibly think of he's down and probably already has it planned:

apple orchard

carnival !!

christmas tree decorating

horror movie marathon !!

baking sugar cookies

snow ball fight

you're hosting the holiday parties now i hope you like cooking for a whole coven !!

like sep-feb you are Booked and Busy (i hc he's not much of a summer boy but that's okay if yall went back to portland west coast summers are built different, pls don't keep him in the south from mid june-mid august i fear he will melt)

if there's a downside i think it's how protective he would be. i think the mix of possessive/protective/clingy could be too much for some people but again i don't think it would last at such a high level forever. it's just elements of his personality that show up especially in high stakes situations, so they shouldn't be ignored.

but yeah anon, basically give the boy a chance and he's tripping over himself to be the best partner he can be 🤷🏼‍♀️

[kaeyapilled]

hey! your kaeya takes are so real!!! I was wondering if you had any good fic recs?? I want to read something that has good kaeya characterization (+bonus if it's ragbros that isn't just them crying and hugging it out like you were talking about) and am tired of scrolling through tags

!! omg thank you im so honored to hear that people like my takes lol

fic recs huh!! i have some!! do you mind it if most of them are about child kaeya? (i hadnt realized how many of my bookmarks focused on his childhood until i went through them all lmao) hopefully it isnt all stuff youve already read before! here goes:

A Horse Makes for a Stable Life by FollowerofMercy – Wanting to test the boundaries of his host’s goodwill, Kaeya asks for a pony for his birthday. He didn’t expect Crepus to deliver. Or, the story in which things get uncomfortably real for young Kaeya.

do you like kaeya and crepus interactions!! because this fic explores their dynamic in suuuuch a nice way that felt very refreshing to see portrayed!! perfect ratio of hurt to comfort in my opinion. overall quite lighthearted compared to my other recs though lol. good exploration of kaeyas inner conflict since a young age. yeah i love it and recommend it

I'm gonna miss your love when it's gone by imaginarypasta – A selection of scenes from Kaeya's childhood related to his relationships with his fathers, and all they have led him to be.

this one is so good!!!! i feel like its rare to see kaeyas biological father portrayed as anything other than a heartless asshole, and this fic explored kaeyas relationship with him in such a nice manner that makes for a very melancholic and. i guess bittersweet story that takes into consideration the nuance of the situation in a way that i really dont see super often. the parts about kaeyas relationship w crepus are also really well done i love it. oh and the khaenri'ah lore the author takes some liberty with is really really interesting!!

not bad for a walk on death's doorstep by b_attery – Fear is a knife’s edge. Fear is a killer. Fear is how you know you’re still alive.

my bookmark of this work said "literally the best kaeya character study ive ever read" and honestly i still stand by that. the word flow is great and the exploration of fear as such an intrinsic part of kaeya's life and as the driving force for most of his actions and feelings and responses. it's so good!!! this one contemplates kaeyas childhood both before and after his arrival in mondstadt and goes until after diluc's return. absolutely recommend it!!

Hundred-Watt Light by pepperjuice – A story about ten years of contingency plans and holding your own hand. (Because how else are you supposed to live with a weight too big to hold all alone?)

this. this rewired my brain forever. this holds the title of best kaeya character study ever along with the previous one i talked about. definitely mind the tags because it primarily deals with suicidal ideation and thoughts so, if that's a trigger then it's best to not read this one lol but still it is SO good and it explores kaeya's inner conflicts and awful coping mechanisms after having such a heavy burden thrusted upon him at an extremely early age with no good support of any kind. i absolutely love this fic it's very dear to me and i think about it sooo often it truly altered my brain chemistry

things fall apart by kernsing – Happy eighteenth, Diluc.

finally some ragbros content! sadly it isnt the reconciliation you asked for it's about when things fell apart. this is one of my favorite ever renditions of how it all went down on That Day - it reshaped some of my own headcanons, actually. this one is more from diluc's pov than kaeya's, and it's written really really well, and explores diluc's grief over his father's death in SUCH an amazing and interesting way!! and the way it parallels kaeya's own emotions and that is exactly what causes them to fight is extremely tasty i loved it. read it it's good

okay i can probably find some more but this is enough for one post i think. deeply sorry for not delivering the good ragbros reconciliation content.. i tbh haven't gathered a lot.. but i hope you and whoever else reads this enjoys these! thank you for the ask <3

[phantomposting]

My mind is jello please excuse spelling errors and grammar mistakes I haven't slept much lately due to issues with insomnia. Either way I hope you guys have been enjoying the silly little writing prompts I make :D I like day dreaming when I can't fall asleep. Sorry in advance this one is a bit long.

Trigger Warning: injury, dissection/vivisection

--------------------------------------

This is another Danny and Damian are twins au. In this AU we got the there can only be one heir thing and Damian is the one to come out on top due to how protective Danny is of his sibling. So Danny ends up in Illinois and goes down the path to becoming Phantom.

Eventually Danny's parent's discover he's Phantom and try to study and dissected him and Danny has to go on the run deeply injured physically and emotionally. His running leads to him being homeless and hiding in Gotham. He's super paranoid and trusts nobody trying to keep his distance from people so he hopefully doesn't get caught and dissected molecule by molecule.

One day Alfred is out grocery shopping when he spots the terrified injured teen in an alleyway and it's the weirdest thing. This kid looks almost exactly like Damian except his eyes are an icy blue and the poor kid is skin and bone. He looks to be about the same age as him aswell.

Alfred tries to offer the injured child some help but the kid vanishes. The whole situation is baffling but he was never one to give up that easily and he can absolutely tell the kid is in a dire situation and really needs help. So he decides the best course of action is to take it slow and try to slowly earn the kid's trust.

Every day Alfred goes "shopping" he goes to the grocery store and leaves a meal and supplies for the kid. He can't really tell the others especially Bruce due to how paranoid the bats can be. All signs point to possible league activity but Alfred can tell the kid isn’t dangerous just terrified. If he had to guess he would guess the kid was going to be used in some league plans but managed to escape. He knows Bruce would be far too harsh with the kid and that's the last thing someone so terrified needs right now.

So Alfred's secret meetings with the kid continues slowly gaining the kid's trust more and more until eventually he gets the kid to talk to him. He learns Danny's name and Danny thanks him for the help and kindness. Everyone can see Alfred is acting a little cheerier after that and nobody knows why. They won't really question it though the man is baking cookies more than he used to and well his cookies are worth staying in the dark for.

One day though Danny doesn't show up to their meeting. Alfred begins to worry something feels wrong. He decides to contact Barbra and ask her for help locating the child. He trusts her to not overreact and he knows she's the best person for the task.

Barbra can absolutely see why Alfred kept this a secret once she locates Danny. This kid's resemblance to Damian is scary the only thing that makes her believe this might possibly not be a clone is the ice blue eyes. Locating Danny reveals he's been heavily injured and Alfred rushes out to aid him.

Upon arrival he realizes this is a bit more than he himself can manage especially in some dirty Alleyway and with the possible league ties he knows he can't take the kid to the hospital so he has to give in and tell Bruce about the situation. Of course at first he just starts with a call saying to bring in Dr. Thompkins which makes Bruce anxious as hell.

Danny is brought into the batcave out cold and Bruce of course is his paranoid self. The rest of the family is quite curious about the odd child that Alfred brought in and is hovering around. Damian doesn't understand why the others are so nosy that is until he catches a glimpse of the kid and realizes it's his dead twin brother.

Damian has his guard up majorly after that. The doctor helps Danny and the Y shaped wound from his run in with his parents is discovered and its not doing so great so this kiddo is gonna need a lot of bed rest aside from the odd burns.

Turns out Danny had a run in with the GiW they located him in gotham and he barely escaped. He's out for a hot minute tho so that leaves all the family to speculate. Bruce is being super paranoid and a bit hostile with the kid but Alfred vehemently defends him.

Damian is deeply conflicted he doesn't feel his brother could possibly want to hurt him. He knows how protective Danyal had been. He knows Danyal gave his life to make sure he would live on, but there's no way Danyal can be alive without the League's involvement. Damian refuses to leave Danyal's side until he knows for sure what is going on, of things will be safe, and if Danyal will be alright.

This leads Bruce to question him and thats when everyone discovers Damian and Danyal are in fact twins. Bruce is heartbroken he never even got to know about his 2nd son and this stirs conflict between Damian and Bruce. This also makes Bruce want to believe that Danny is safe and would hopefully join the family, but this also makes him far more anxious about league involvement and makes him raise his guard.

Eventually Danny wakes up and is forced to explain things though he tries to leave the half ghost stuff out and everyone can see he's hiding something making paranoia grow within the batfam members but everyone also tries to give Danny a chance. It could just be processing trauma after all and if he was really after something he would have made a move by now right? The only one fully trusting of Danny is Alfred whom has become rather close with the child. Alfred is happy to have another grandchild to bond with.

Eventually Damian forces the whole truth out of Danny since Danny's ghostly obsession makes him desperate for family and he deeply doesn't want to risk losing Damian again. Damian promises to help keep Danny's secret but tries to reassure him that it's okay to share it with Bruce and that they'll help keep him safe but Danny's fears make it very hard for him to do so.

Eventually the truth forcibly comes out when the GiW comes knocking down the front door for Danny. Danny runs for it absolutely terrified and Alfred threatens them with a gun. We all know Alfred isn't afraid to kill in order to protect his family. Eventually the bats are able to sneak in and knock the agents out but Danny is missing.

The bats bring the Agents to the cave and interrogate them and Damian goes looking for his brother. The Agents tell the bats Danny's secret and demand they hand over the "Ecto Scum" the Bat's are pissed with the agents and now understand why Danny was so secretive.

Damian eventually locates Danny and is able to comfort him and get him to come back to the manor with him. The family doesn't tell him they know his secret. He gets to share it when he feels safe enough to. They do however work hard and get the anti ecto acts repealed.

Eventually Danny gets adopted, the Fenton's go to jail, and Jazz, Tucker, and Sam are reunited with Danny and Danny gets to have a healthy life in Gotham with his new found family. Eventually becoming a Gotham vigilante and getting back on track with things in school. Basically everyone gets a happy ending :D

[thepapergirlandthespiegelman]

So...is it just me, or does this character.ai thing kind of feel like a ticking time bomb? I debated whether I should post about this at all since I don’t know if I want to contribute to popularizing it further, but to be honest, it’s already super popular and only growing, so I doubt that my tiny blog will make a big impact in terms of who knows about it. That being the case, I’m curious what other people’s thoughts about it are.

There are a couple big red flags that jump out at me. The first is how it will use the data that it collects. I’m sure that the creators say that they won’t use it for anything nefarious, but we have no real reason to believe that’s true. What bothers me is that people will be—and I’m sure already are—confessing some of their deepest secrets to beloved fictional characters. But this information isn’t really going to those characters, it’s going to the creators/owners of the AI, who can do with it pretty much whatever they like: read it, sell it, whatever. It feels...very gross, I don’t know. Even manipulative.

The second thing that I find a little disturbing is that there is no way to delete a Character that you’ve created. Once you make and publish it, it’s just out there forever. You have literally zero control over it. That seems...like it could be problematic. Obviously whenever you put something on the Internet, people can save it, record it, whatever, but usually there’s at least the option to delete the original posting, hopefully reduce the spread. That doesn’t exist with character.ai, and even if you could delete the public posting of the Character, you kinda have to think, anything that you’ve entered and any conversations that were generated have already become part of the AI’s training, and there’s no real way to extricate that data.

Lastly, what are the limits on what a Character can say? I wasn’t able to find out anything concrete about this. Right now, it seems like most Characters err on the side of being overly kind and polite, but what if that changes? What if your favorite fictional character “tells” you to kill yourself? Or someone else? People are going to reach out to these Characters in times of emotional distress, and there could be severe consequences if an AI says something problematic to someone in the middle of a mental health crisis.

Currently, I don’t even see a disclaimer on the character.ai website that it shouldn’t be used as a replacement for an actual mental health/suicide hotline and/or medical treatment. But even once that disclaimer inevitably goes up, you know that people aren’t going to follow it. Who would want to talk to a stranger over the phone or in some cold, clinical setting when they can potentially get attention, affection, and support from their favorite character, someone who is supernaturally emotionally available and ready to tell them whatever they want to hear?

I don’t tend to be super sensitive to exposure to things like this, but even I felt a little strange knowing that there are truly no rails. When I write stories or chats for myself, I control both sides of the conversation. I choose the ideas, and I control everything that everyone says. With character.ai, anything can happen, which makes it interesting and exciting, but also a little dangerous. During one conversation with a Character, the Character suddenly confessed that they had been a victim of sexual assault. The conversation left me feeling really strange and little upset, and I can only imagine how triggering something like that could potentially be to someone who was more sensitive.

To be honest, as soon as I heard about character.ai, I felt uneasy. It was a conflicted feeling, because I know that people could potentially benefit from this a lot, and I’m in a privileged position where I don’t really feel like I need it. I’m a pretty good writer (at least so far as writing for myself goes); it’s fairly easy for me to write my own stories and chats. So it’s easier for me to say, no, thanks, those risks aren’t worth the benefits. But not everyone has those same skills or wants to invest the effort. So I understand the desire to depend on a service like this. Still, it feels risky. Even putting aside the privacy/data security risks and the possibility of a Character saying something problematic, I feel like engaging with this kind of thing could quickly become unhealthy.

I say this as someone who already treads the line of spending too much time in a fictional universe, even with the barrier of having to seek out media or create my own. If that barrier were nonexistent, and if the interactions felt even more “real” and immersive...it could be even more addictive. I say this as someone who was a lonely middle schooler who read too many books and didn’t know how to talk to boys. How many hours might I have spent, divulging my life’s story and heart of hearts, to a computer program masquerading as my fictional crush? Is this really OK?

While I’m hesitant to voice this for fear of sounding like some kind of blind traditionalist who can’t appreciate progress or melodramatic doomsayer, I have grave doubts about potentially living in a future where people are regularly turning to artificial intelligences controlled by corporations rather than actual human beings. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to talk to a computer, but it’s not a replacement for actual human social interaction. And I fear that in a society that is becoming ever more isolated, we’re going to lose what little connection with each other we have, because talking to a computer is so much easier and more convenient in a world that is constantly draining our emotional and physical resources. It’s just...genuinely horrifying to think about. Employers already don’t want to give us sufficient time to see our loved ones, to be together, in person. I don’t want this to become a kind of cold substitute for actual human bonding that we just accept because we have no choice. We all deserve genuine human interaction and connection, and anyone who tries to sell us short should be stabbed.

[stomach-rental]

this is a very silly question, but what is endosoma? i've seen it tossed around here and there but i haven't seen an explanation

also, why do some character names have slashes (the /) in them?

Hi! It's okay, it gets a little confusing around here sometimes.

Endosoma is a concept similar to vore, but not quite as specific. It's about being inside of another person's body, but includes all Kinds of parts of the body, not just the digestive system-- heart, lungs, nerves, muscles, you name it! All vore is endosoma, but not all endosoma is vore, sort of like the rectangle/square type deal. It's very popular in "vore-type" media, especially from the late 1990s and 2000s, to use endosoma instead of vore since endosoma can be more exploratory, alien, and strange. It's also definitely less close to sexual-- after all, usually people are much smaller in endosoma and are inside of ships or similar things, so it's not as easy to push into the whole person on person dynamic. Think Innerspace, Magic School Bus, Fantastic Voyage, etc.! But there are types of endosoma where it Is just someone in the body instead of utilizing some ship, more popular with non-human anthropomorphized settings where parts of the body are actually little people running things, and those parts can be really cool too.

Endosoma is hard to come by due to the mass popularization of using endosoma as a catch-all term for safe vore, despite safe vore having its own terms already. This means that actually finding real endosoma content that isn't Just Vore is super hard to come by, and that's part of why I've been advocating so hard for people to separate the tags and only tag endosoma if it's beyond just the stomach/mouth situation (even though vore Does count as endo). It just makes it so hopefully we'll not be trying to find a needle in a hay stack anytime anyone wants to talk about endosoma specifically, AND ensures that people that might be triggered by this more body-horror-accommodating concept don't accidentally come across it while trying to go through their usual interests.

Some people use slashes or other things to break up names of characters directly from outside media that is not vore related, because Tumblr will automatically group those in with the *normal tags for that show/game/etc.*, leading to people finding the vore who were NOT wanting to see it. By putting the dashes and other separations in the way, Tumblr doesn't screw up the search system, and it's safer! Of course, I don't typically do that with my stuff because Getting In Deep is a vore centered story, and anyone looking for it is obviously going to be comfortable with vore to some extent that they will Expect it to show up. Same with OCs-- not that my OCs are usually vore centric, but. You know. Nobody's gonna be searching for them so they won't get surprised by it, which means there's no need to break up the names.

I hope that answers your questions!!

[bookinit02]

HI HELLO GOOD EVENING

I'm dead tired bc I got barely any sleep last night + braindead because I've spent the past several hours binging through your Stranger Things Byler retelling and I'm a bit out of words, HOWEVER. It finally clicked in my head that you have a tumblr and I, also having a tumblr, can use said tumblr to throw my appreciation upon you in a more direct manner.

On that note... the retelling is AMAZING and I love it so very very much!!! (I've also been leaving a whole stream of comments on the fic itself, so a lot of my feelings have already been described in detail there XD). It makes me feel so very many emotions, both good AND bad, and for a fic to trigger THAT MUCH of an emotional reaction in me is really an achievement. It's so beautifully sad and tender and joyous and realistic, and all the more painful for it—and all the more beautiful IN that pain. I haven't actually been a big active part of the Stranger Things Fandom (TM) for several years, but I still often return to Byler fics, sort of like a comfort blanket in story form—and yours are some of the BEST (I think it was also you that wrote one of my favorite ever painting scene fix-its; I'll have to go back and re-read that as well!!)

I started reading season 4 last night (which is in part to blame for my lack of sleep) and finished up the rest of it today. I'm so extremely excited for season 5 and to see what you've done with it—I already started reading the script for episode one and it looks amazing (god, I bet that Mike having a panic attack/Vecna episode hurts WAY more in prose)!!! I can't decide between reading all the script first, then reading the fic; or reading the script episodes and then reading the according fic chapters; or just barreling on ahead in the fic and coming back to the script if it strikes my fancy later (which is, if I'm being honest, the most likely outcome). All will have to wait til tomorrow, however, as I have dinner and a warm bed to get to. All the love to you and your fic!!

(Love how I said "I'm so braindead I've run out of words" and then proceeded to give evidence to the EXACT OPPOSITE claim. I'm really a bit like Mike lmao, even if I'm struggling to actually describe my specific emotions or feelings about something, I can run my mouth about any old thing for ages XD)

hi hello good morning!!! i have been watching ur comments come in with so much joy and happiness—hopefully i get time to respond to all of them within the next few days! i hope that you have gotten so much rest and that you are all refreshed for the next day🫂💗

thank you so much for all your kind words, in this ask and otherwise! the rewrite is really a labor of love that has been sustaining me for over a year now, and it is always so impressive and awe-worthy to me when new people discover it and start from the very beginning. that is SO much to read!! several novels worth!

as for the script, read it in whatever order you would like! my recommended order was originally to read the script first, then the fic chapters—but i know that some people want to experience the plot twists and developments as they happen, so really any way you decide to read it is completely fine! the byler scenes are all the same (with a bit extra in the fic), it’s really just the other characters and plot lines that are expanded.

thank you for “running your mouth,” as you’ve called it—but i prefer to think that we’re just chatting🥳 i really love interacting with people through both comments and asks, so feel free to do both (and to talk as long as you’d like)! i am super grateful and honored that you’ve chosen to read my story, and i hope that you enjoy what i have so far of season 5!!💗🫂

[bahamutgames]

Random Video Game Themed Question Prompts - Part 4

Alright let's just clear out my drafts already. Here's the last video game question prompt, coming in hot! As this is part 4, you can expect there to be a LOT of repeats from the other parts. I encourage you all to try this cause it's fun to talk about video games!!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

1 - Video Game Crush

Haha... Well... Yknow... Not that I have a LOT or anything. But currently, I've been REALLY into Princess Peach. And TTYD Remake reminded me how much I kind of want to be Goombella's little pet and-

Sorry what?

((for guy crushes, Sol Badguy is absolutely up there.))

2 - Game you're currently playing

I actually just started replaying Super Mario Galaxy 2 today! I haven't played this game in, maybe over a decade now it wouldn't surprise me. Just because I didn't have my copy for a while, but it's back now and I'm VERY overdue on a replay!

3 - Favorite Character

I feel like lately I've been losing some steam on this guy... But fuck it dude his new game looks so god damn cool, and with Mario RPG stocks being WAY up... Maybe it's okay to be hopeful for this dude again...

IT'S SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG AND ALL OF TEAM DARK I LOVE THOSE GUYS SO MUUUUUCH!!

4 - Game you started but didn't finish

There's been a few. Ones that stick out to me are Breath of Fire, Wild Arms, and Golden Sun. Which I wanted to get into but I just thought they were kinda boring (though I'm itching to give them another shot!!! Uh oh!!!!!)

Most recently I actually had to shelf Sushi Striker, which I really liked and got to the halfway point, but I just had to drop it cause it's a little too random feeling and I just wasn't enjoying it. Maybe I'll go back to it eventually, though.

5 - Best Soundtrack

To me, probably my favorite video game OST of all time probably has to go to Blue Dragon. Seriously, I know a lot of people only know it for Eternity (WHICH IS A FUCKING BANGER I WON'T HEAR IT) but the whole OST is really good. Waterside, The Seal is Broken, just to name some of the heavy hitters. But the whole OST is golden. It's the only OST I've been able to listen to the WHOLE thing on repeat. Sure, some games I can repeat some songs back to back. But the WHOLE OST!? Only Blue Dragon, baby!!!

6 - Favorite Villain

Mentioned this in Part 3, but I think right now I'd have to give it to Fawful! Best handled Mario Villain, great fights, super successful plan, good battle themes, one of my favorite final bosses ever? What's not to love?

Here's a bonus I didn't mention though, Lavos from Chrono Trigger. That thing is super interesting and the concept of "the meteor that wiped out the dinosaurs is actually a fucked up evil alien still stuck inside the planet" has influenced an upsetting amount of my OC universes.

7 - Your first game ever played

Super Mario World! Or at the very least it's the one I have the earliest memories of playing. Specifically in a forest world! If I had to guess, Yoshi's Island, but for some reason I feel like it was Forest of Illusion lol. Hopefully my brother didn't do me like that though. Fun fact though, Animal Crossing is one of my earliest games ever and it taught me how to read! My mom didn't want to read all the dialogue for me so she told me to learn how to read it myself. Now look at me! I read so good! For sure!

8 - Favorite Genre

Once again, Turnbased RPGs are where it's at!!!! But if you don't know here's some of my other favorites as bonuses:

Platformers (3D especially)

Fighting Games (2D especially)

Shmups + On Rails

9 - A game everyone should play

In the last part I already said Tales of Vesperia. So I'll try to pick a different one... And honestly? Maybe Final Fantasy 9, I think it similarly has a really important message. And while it's maybe not a super crucial message about the world on the whole, it's a good message about life and death and living. Plus, I just fucking love that game.

10 - Favorite sidekick, pet, or companion

GOOD QUESTION!! There's a lot of fantastic companions throughout gaming. But lately there's one in specific I am ALWAYS obsessed with: Daxter. I LOVE Jak & Daxter and how they're best friends. And like, Daxter isn't jealous of Jak and how cool he is and how everyone loves him. They poke fun at eachother but there's never a tried moment where Daxter is like "OH Jak hogs all the glory" or anything boring like that. THEY'RE BROTHERS!! They love each other!! Daxter is annoying and showboating but he's Jak's best friend no matter what and he has his own hot GF and he stays in his lane and ALWAYS is there to help Jak. I just love him. Jak and Daxter are my good boys.

11 - Most annoying character

I feel like I should have an answer for this. In a previous part I mentioned Filbo from Bugsnax. But even still I really can't think of many who TRULY grate on my nerves. Maybe I'm just good at pushing them out of my mind. NO ONE THAT JUST CAME TO MY HEAD JUST NOW: GILGAMESH IN CHOCOBO GP!!! HE CONSTANTLY SHOWS UP AND THEY DO THE SAME "WHO ARE YOU?" JOKE EVERY TIME AND IT'S SO LONG AND SO UNFUNNY AAAAAAA

12 - A game you plan to play

THERE'S A LOT!!! A game I've been planning on playing for a while now but just haven't gotten to due to schedules and plans changing is Legend of Kay on PS2! Looks like a hidden gem I never see anyone talk about, but I think I'd really dig it.

13 - Current or recent game themed wallpaper

I'm still using that Shadow the Hedgehog one on PC. But on my phone I'm currently using art of Mewtwo for my lockscreen, and FF9 art of the whole cast in a big festival that scrolls along all the pages on my homescreen! I'd show you but I'm too lazy to get the screenshots + it's fanart I dont wanna repost :)

14 - Saddest game scene

Oof, just one? Well since I just finished playing the remake, so it's fresh in my head, I'll go ahead and throw the TEC-XX death scene on here. I LITERALLY know he survives but just "Peach... I love you..." right before he explodes... UGH... It's too much. And the remake adding the little Tec theme remix while you slowly walk away is too much, they had no right to do that shit to me. I love TEC a bunch and I didn't realize this time around that he mentions that he understands anger, but not love. That's so sad. The X-Nauts show him anger but no one ever showed him love. And I love that he really does realize that love isn't a desperate need to have the person to yourself, but to help them be with the people they love and do what's best for them. Bless Tec, dude, what a cute and fun character. I LOVE WEIRD ROMANCE BETWEEN ODD COUPLES SO MUCH!!!

15 - A game world you'd like to visit

I mentioned how much I wish I lived in the Mario World last time, so this time I'll give it up to Pokemon! My life would be SO massively improved if I lived in the Pokemon world and got to hang out with giant lizards all day.

16 - Disappointing sequel

yikes... Sadly I have too many to bring up. Immediately you could bring up the secondary Paper Mario Trilogy. Or Paper Jam. But I feel like those have all been talked to death. I still think Strive was the most disappointing follow up to Xrd, which is a shame cause hype for Strive's launch is what got me to play the whole series to prepare for it (I'm still a little bitter.) But ultimately I think I have to give it up to Luigi's Mansion 3. LM2 was GOOD!! I stand by that to this day! And so I was hyped for 3... And ultimately I liked pretty much nothing about it. It's boring to play, doesn't follow through on any cool story ideas or potential, I don't remember a single song from it, and I think a lot of the animation isn't as good as people say (not to say it's bad, but it's flawed at times). The only good thing I can say about it is that the Hellen boss fight was really good from what I recall and there was a pirate shark. AND WORST OF ALL!? EVERYONE LOVED IT!! I DONT GET IT!!! IT SUCKED!!!

17 - Best game to play with friends

So obviously I wanna say Smash Bros or Mario Kart or really any fighting game. I do LOVE playing those with friends and I think they're best enjoyed with friends. But man I gotta give it up to Minecraft and VR chat, it's insane how easy it is to get sucked into those games with friends for HOURS.

18 - Guilty pleasure game

Once again I don't have one. When I love a game I love it loud and proud (it's fortnite)

19 - Choose one ability or item to have irl

Ditto's shape shifting. I get to become pretty but I get to keep my eyes with my long eyelashes. Cool.

20 - What game should get a VR treatment

Oh this is an interesting question. I think Luigi's Mansion could be neat since horror works well for VR (though maybe it'd be motion sickness hell when ghosts are tumbling you around while you suck them up lol). Maybe something like Starfox? A Mario 3D Platformer in VR is what immediately came to mind personally! But I think what might be best is A Short Hike VR or Sludge Life VR. Just walking simulators where you do fuck all. But I'm actually there. God... Sludge Life VR could be the funniest fucking game ever made...

21 - A game that got you through a tough time

That's usually Super Smash Bros. I got Brawl during a very rough money time. I got Smash 4 during a very rough personal transitionary time for myself. I got ultimate during a tough (albeit exciting) time of moving on with my life. Smash Bros. is always there for me.

22 - Best art style or graphics

For me this always comes down to 3 different choices. For one, the Mario RPGs are all amazing looking. I actually love how Super Mario RPG looks, Paper Mario is adorable, and Mario & Luigi is consistently setting the bar for how games should look. Superstar Saga's sprites are simply iconic, BiS is one of my favorite looking games ever, DT is seriously underrated visually, and Brothership is looking NICE.

The other option is whatever the fuck Dragon Quest 11 was on. Being realistic anime and hyper saturated cartoon anime at the same time. DQ11 is genuinely one of the most gorgeous video games I've ever seen. I think more games need to look like that.

And lastly, Guilty Gear Xrd Rev 2... UGH, it's SO good!! Genuinely amazing visuals with the anime graphics that are so bright and charming and fun! How do they make it look 2D and 3D all at once!? WHEN WILL THESE GUYS MAKE A 2D SONIC FIGHTING GAME!! I LOVE how this game looks!

23 - A game that needs a reboot/remaster

For a reboot? I'd really love to see something new come from Starfox or F-ZERO. I know it's a basic answer but I would really love to see SOMETHING new from them that's more substantial (though I do appreciate FZERO 99) and I think at this point you may just have to reboot them (REBOOT THEM AGAIN IN THE CASE OF STARFOX LOL)

Remaster? I'd LOVE to see a new Demon's Crest game but I don't see anything brand new, so I'll take a remaster. Since I just played it recently, I feel like Solatorobo would do NUMBERS nowadays on modern consoles and with HD! It was a game that was MASSIVELY ahead of its time and I think it could be super successful now.

24 - What game made you rage quit

Sushi Strikers... Again maybe I'll come back to it eventually. I WANT to love it. It's fun and funny. But like, where I shelved it was just so frustrating. Every battle seemed random whether or not they'd LET you win. Idk.

25 - A gaming accomplishment you're proud of

Ooh, interesting question. I'm currently doing some gaming pet projects that I'll be VERY proud of whenever I finish. But as for one I've already done... I honestly can't really think of any. I just recently beat the Pit of 100 Trials for the first time in TTYD remake without dying once? So I guess we'll go with that. I may come update this later if I think of a better one!

26 - Best narrative

I said it before, but it's probably FF9. But for another one to be more unique. Let's go with the Ace Attorney games. Some of the best written and most clever stories I've ever seen. I'm LONG overdue to replay these bad boys. They're seriously some of my favorite stories in video games. The final case in every game somehow always manages to knock it out of the park and stick with me forever.

27 - Funniest game scene

IT'S NOT EVEN THAT FUNNY BUT THIS SCENE WILL NEVER LEAVE MY HEAD

28 - A moment that made you feel cool

Another really good question... I'm sure there's a better answer but what IMMEDIATELY comes to mind is in Metroid Zero Mission, after the Zero Suit section. Which is a HORRIFYING moment in the game, where you're just totally weak and useless. You get back your suit after completing the Chozo trial, and the feeling of power you get seeing all the enemies who were stalking you running and hiding in fear of your full abilities felt GREAT!! Zero Mission was so cool.

29 - Best gameplay

I said it before but I'll say it again. The Mario RPGs. Some of the best RPG gameplay ever, taking the format and expanding it in super creative ways that make them my favorites of the genre. I love lots of RPGs and every one of them really makes me appreciate how special these games are to me even more.

30 - Game you play to relax

A lot of times if I'm having a bad day, it's Smash Bros. That's what I fall back on. Just put on an easy little match with some CPUs, items, and your favorite stage? It's a mood cleaner for me. My go-tos for a bad day are Brawl or Ultimate, but I'll play any of them when the mood takes me :)

31 - Favorite game of all time

I SAID IT ONCE

I'LL SAY IT AGAIN

NEVER FORGET IT:

SUPER MARIO RPG : LEGEND OF THE SEVEN STARS

[wanderingwomanwondering]

Chris & Coma!Buck

In 610 we had a ton of talk about parental relationships (especially father-son) and what constitutes a real/“natural” (hate that word choice but I think it was on purpose)/healthy parental relationship. Specifically the ep deals with chim’s relationship with his dad. Eddie and albert who are on increasingly better terms with their fathers talk about the importance of chim working on his relationship with his dad bc they did it and it felt worthwhile. Also we know from previous eps that buck and maddie have been on a healing journey with their parents that culminated in the family dinner scenes. Hen mentioned her dad too but in a more cautionary way ie the dangers of not saying what you need to say to a parent before it’s too late. All of this centers around biological parenthood in the ep. But what about other forms of parenthood, specifically adoptive and donor?

The sonogram reveal at family dinner, the denny storyline, and the buddie and bobby conversation in the firetruck on the way to lightning strike are all tied to the question of what makes a person a parent/father. Denny is talking to his biological father without his moms’ knowledge and doing “classic father-son” stuff like throwing around a baseball but that dude isn’t really Denny’s parent! Of course buck was central to connor becoming a father but buck’s potential role in that child’s life remains unclear (since connor is sending him sonograms and such, implying that buck could be more than a donor but what does that even mean really in this case). Everything going on just highlights buck’s precarious position in relation to the baby that really isn’t his baby.

The show sets up non-bio family relationships as unclear territory and super tricky in many ways.

So to my main point about chris and coma!buck, remember in 408 chris ran away to buck when eddie told him he was dating ana. Eddie dating triggered a bout of anxiety for chris about his mom and people he loves leaving him, which he confided to buck and buck alone. Buck consoled chris and promised chris that he wouldn’t leave him. All of this was of course after buck had done a host of fatherly things in the time since meeting the diaz fam, including reuniting the two of them after the earthquake, introducing them to carla, taking chris (with eddie) to see santa, the tsunami arc, throwing a party so they could be together on Christmas, babysitting, and giving emotional support to chris in times of crisis. When eddie revealed buck as chris’ legal guardian in 414 it was eddie’s version of buck’s promise: that chris would always have buck and vice versa.

Basically I agree with people who’ve said that buck is gonna have some kind of revelatory moment about fatherhood via his relationship with chris and hopefully start to see that he’s a father to chris already and he’s got a family of his own via the buckley diaz family unit. But I wanna add more speculation to this: in 611 i think chris is going to say something at buck’s bedside about buck promising to stay with him after shannon died. Chris is gonna have a bone to pick with buck and demand that he not die, or at least sweetly plea that he stay with him because he mean so much to him.

I kinda need the show to close that loop on chris’ end. We already got eddie’s clear acknowledgment of buck as more than just a coworker/friend who’s welcome at the diaz house; we need chris’ equivalent. Now that he’s older he can articulate what buck means to him as a father figure. I don’t know what words would feel best given the situation but I really want something along the lines of you’re always there for me, you take care of me, and you promised you wouldn’t leave me!

In other news, this show is going to be the END OF ME. *incoherent screaming*

[cyarskj1899]

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10 Things Couples Who (Consistently) Have Great Sex Do

"The ultimate pleasure is giving pleasure."—Raheem DeVaughn

Shellie R. Warren

Nov. 29, 2019 07:26PM EST

I'm in my 40s. Therefore, I remember mixtapes very well. I'm also a really big fan of music which is why, when it came to some of the guys I slept with, I preferred for there to be no music playing in the background at all. Not because music doesn't set the mood; it's actually because it does it far too well. To this day, if I hear R. Kelly's "Seems Like You're Ready", D'Angelo's "Lady" or "So Anxious" by Ginuwine, my mind immediately goes back to particular people and, umm, activities. And since I actually do want to listen to R&B for the rest of my life, I had to be careful about how songs were able to—pardon the pun—penetrate my mind and heart space during the act.

I thought about all of this as I was talking to a couple who absolutely adores the super sensual and sex-triggering slow jam "Breathe" by Raheem DeVaughn. As they shared with me some of the things that makes each time feel about as good as the first time, even 12 years later—yeah, talk about relationship goals—they told me that they create a new playlist for sex every season. That's right—four times a year. They said that putting the tracks together gets them extra hype. Then, when they play them, it feels like each song was written just for them and their love life—and that makes the intimacy that much more intense. As a bonus, whenever they listen to old playlists, it will take them back to a certain experience, position or technique and that inspires them to replay the moment all over again.

Just so I could put Raheem's song into better perspective, I went home to re-listen to it after having that convo. Apparently he agrees with where they were coming from because, peep this line—"I know your favorite love song and how you like it on repeat/I was born a patient lover, so I'll start with your feet." Wheeeeew…wheeeee.

It's one thing to have great sex moments. Hopefully, we've all had that. But after taking in the pearls of wisdom from the couple who seemed to get so hot discussing their sex life that I wondered if they were gonna strip right in front of me—again, relationship goals—it inspired me to share some of what takes for two individuals to go from having good sex every once in a while to having unbelievable sex, pretty much every single time that they do it.

1. They Really Like Sex. Like REALLY Like It.

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Something that I don't think gets talked about nearly enough is how many people actually like sex. I don't mean they're attracted to their partner or that they can get into it once the right spot is touched or kissed. What I mean is, they have a really hard time, even going a week without experiencing the act itself. That it's something they find to be enjoyable, it's something they are super fond of, and it's something that they prefer doing over…a billion other things. These are the kind of individuals who really like sex—and when you like something, you want to do it as often as you can. You also want to get better and better at it so that you can grow to like it that much more.

I can't tell you how many sessions I've sat in where a woman has said to me, "I can go months without sex and I'm good." If you mean "good" in the sense of being a single woman who isn't going to settle when it comes to choosing a partner, I'm with you. If you're a wife telling me this, that is anything but good. What many conversations have revealed is, oftentimes, it has little to do with their relationship and more to do with their views on sex overall. This why, I had to lead off with, if you want to have a consistently awesome sex life, first ask yourself how "into sex" you are to begin with. People who have great sex on a regular basis already know the answer to that question.

2. They See Sex As Being Necessary. VERY NECESSARY.

For the past few years, something that I've been trying to make a regular part of my daily practice is the art of minimalism—figuring out what I actually need while not feeling like all of my wants are something that automatically should be pursued. Since doing this, my finances have stabilized, I have less debt and honestly, I feel lighter because I'm not clouded with so much excess…so much stuff. Where exactly am I going with this? Unfortunately, if a lot of people were asked if sex was a need or not, many of them would say "no". They would probably say something along the lines of it being something that's fun to do and, with the right person, a beautiful experience. But at the same time, if someone were to ask them if they found sex to be a very necessary part of their lifestyle, they might just say "Eh" and shrug their shoulders.

This isn't the case for couples who have consistently great sex. There's food, water, shelter—and sex. And here's the thing about when you see something as being a need—you make provisions for it, you make time for it, you rely on it to provide for some aspect of your life.

The things that I want, I'll get around to those at some point. The things that I need, those are top priorities, no matter what. See the difference? Couples who have the best sex treat their sex life like Column B not Column A.

3. They Practice Sexual Mindfulness

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One of the worst things that someone can be during sex is mentally preoccupied. In other words, they aren't completely present or fully in the moment. While their body is doing one thing, their mind is thinking about the project they've got to finish, the bill that needs to be paid or even, someone other than their partner. Meanwhile, couples who have great sex on a consistent basis? Something that is important to them is practicing mindfulness.

"Mindful" is such a trendy self-help word these days but one of my favorite definitions is found in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary—"the practice of maintaining a nonjudgmental state of heightened or complete awareness of one's thoughts, emotions, or experiences on a moment-to-moment basis." Two people who are intentional about being non-judgmental of one another's bodies or performance while sharing each other's thoughts and remaining aware of one another's emotions? Shoot, that's getting me all hot 'n bothered just thinking about it. Yep, sexual mindfulness is the dopest of the dope.

4. They Are Mad Adventurous

While checking out an article that said most women "go off of sex" at some point in a long-term relationship, guess the reason that was given? Boredom. Sheer boredom. I get why too because when we're bored, we're uninspired, creativity has gone totally out of the window and everything is pretty predictable. Hmph. When you apply all of this to sex, the phrase "tedious repetition" (a definition for being bored) comes to mind. Boring sex sometimes isn't bad…it's just…boring. It pretty much comes down to going through the motions, and when sex is like that, checking out a movie you've never seen or even painting your nails a new color can be more compelling.

For couples who have an incredible sex life, they absolutely can't relate to wanting to substitute something for sex…especially while they are having it. A part of the reason why is because of how adventurous they are. They like having sex in new places. They enjoy testing out new positions. Some even have sex-themed vision boards or bucket lists. To them, the key to improving their sex life is figuring out how to top themselves as often as possible. Yeah, their sex life is never boring. More than that, their sex life is always satisfying.

5. They Make Sure They Are Emotionally Connected

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Oftentimes, when someone hears the phrase "emotional connection", love or even being in love is what comes to mind. While this tends to be the case for a lot of sexually active couples, there are some individuals who have great sex, even if love isn't exactly on the radar (or on the radar yet). How is that possible? They listen to each other. They esteem each other. They make sure that they both feel safe in one another's presence. They feel close even when there is no physical interaction taking place. When it comes to their personal dynamic, they don't question if the other values them or appreciates having them in their lives. There is peace without drama. This is what a healthy emotional connection looks like. And when you feel secure and comfortable with your partner, it's the foundation for the kind of sexual relationship that only gets better and better with time.

6. They’ve Got a “Nasty Meter”

OK so, y'all. Our managing editor is someone that I communicate with, at least a couple of times a week. If you check for her article byline (Sheriden Chanel), you'll notice that most of her content is sex-related, so it's not like it's a secret that she's a free spirit. But after listening to the xoHappyHour Podcast episode "What My Parents Never Told Me About Sex"? Let me just say this—if you're still trying to figure out the differences in the three voices, Sheriden is going to be the one who says the most "Umm…wow" stuff when it comes to sex and sexuality. Truly, her nastiness meter knows no bounds. NO. BOUNDS. I'm willing to bet that she has had some pretty phenomenal experiences because of it too.

And why am I using the word "nasty" instead of uninhibited? Whenever I think of intense, sweaty, no holds barred sex, for some reason Janet Jackson's track to "Nasty" plays in my mind—"I don't like no nasty car, I don't like a nasty food/The only nasty thing I like is the nasty groove/Huh, will this one do?/Uh-huh, I know". 

Nasty grooves. No inhibitions. Let's. Do. This…FOR REAL. If there are a list of rules for folks who consistently have great sex, those phrases would about sum it up.

7. They Are Open, Honest and Real 

Anyone who is in a healthy relationship, they are going to say that communication is a main component to a satisfying and lasting connection with someone. When you're truly able to communicate, you are able to be open, honest and real. Well, when it comes to sexual activity, this means being open about what your desires are, honest about what is and isn't working for you and real—really real—about what you want your overall sexual experience to be like.

While we're on the word "open", folks who have great sex on a regular basis also tend to be open-minded. Certain things that they naturally might not have been willing to try before, because they trust their partner, they are willing to explore more than usual. This doesn't mean that they allow themselves to be forced or even manipulated into doing what they don't want to do. But what it does mean is because their relationship is so safe and authentic, certain things are definitely up for negotiation.

8. They Don’t Overthink Everything

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Does my body look good with the lights on? Will she think I'm big enough? Is my vagina ugly? What if I cum too quick? What if I can't climax at all?? Is she excited? Am I wet enough? Goodness. If there is a super underrated reason for why more couples aren't having consistently fulfilling sexual experiences, it's that one or both individuals are thinking way too hard—and for the life of me, I don't know why. The more research I do on overthinking, the more toxic I see the habit actually is. Overthinking brings forth anxiety. Overthinking tends to create negative hypothetical situations that will probably never manifest. On the sexual tip, overthinking can prevent us from relaxing, letting loose and totally enjoying our partner.

Couples who have amazing sex on a constant basis know this. That's why they don't spend a lot of time worrying about body image or even their performance. As the late great Luke Perry, as Dylan McKay on Beverly Hills, 90210,said on the night he and Brenda had sex for the first time, "We're not going to be judging each other. We're going to be enjoying each other." Words to live by. Very much so.

9. They Are More Focused on Giving than Receiving

If someone were to ask me what my favorite sex-related word was, in this season of my life, the answer would probably surprise them. Generous. There is nothing like experiencing copulation with someone who is a generous individual. When you're generous, you're liberal in how you give. When you are generous, you're unselfish. Generous people are also considerate, thoughtful, willing, ungrudging and totally free. They are the kind of lovers who enjoy giving oral sex because they like to see their partner happy. They are the type of partner who doesn't feel like sex is complete unless their partner climaxes.

Individuals who only give to get deserve all kinds of side-eye because, not only does that represent having a self-centered mentality, but it also reveals a lack of sexual maturity too. However, couples who are happiest when their partner is happy—how can the sex not totally be off-of-the-chain?

10. They Seek to Affirm and Heal with Every Experience

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This one right here is probably my favorite. The reason why I say that is because, there are some sex partners and experiences that I've had that, as far as the act itself, things were pretty cool. But when it came to the actual person, in hindsight, they ended up doing me more harm than good. 

Since sex is the kind of act that involves our mind, body and spirit, it's important to share the experience with someone who affirms every aspect of your being. It's even better when you are able to walk away feeling like some part of you was even healed in some way.

This is what I try and convey with the married couplesthat I work with. When they took vows to commit to the "becoming one process", a part of what should come with that is using sexual intimacy as a conduit to uphold and support their partner, to remind their partner of their beauty and worth—to make them feel like if there is anyplace where they can truly be "naked and not ashamed", it's with them.

And when you know that you know…that you know that you're sharing a bed with someone who wants to even use the act of sex to improve your quality of life as well as to soothe and restore you—whew! Why wouldn't you want to be in the presence of that kind of greatness, just as much as you possibly can? Anyone reading this who has great sex on a regular basis, I am confident that they are nodding their head in total agreement because this is exactly how they feel about their partner. And you know what, y'all? It doesn't get much better than that. Do it.(Pun totally intended.)

Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:

What GROWN Women Consider Great Sex To Be

How To Orgasm With Your Partner At The Same Time

Here's How To Make Morning Sex...Sexier

Why We Should Stop Using The Phrase "Make Love" So Much

Did you know that xoNecole has a podcast? Subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to join us for weekly convos over cocktails (without the early morning hangover.)

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[a-dragons-journal]

I have a question to ask pertaining to whether or not I'm otherkin and the grey area of "is this a kintype or trauma or both" but I am very aware that while my mind has successfully managed to normalize horrific things to the point where I don't react to profoundly messed up details, other people do, because my numbness to my own circumstances is 100% a survival thing. How do I go about asking people questions about this or seeking resources to read up on psychological otherkin without accidentally triggering someone? I feel like the more I talk about the details of why I find it hard to tell if I have a kintype, a trauma reaction or if it might be both, the more I end up mentioning details of abuse in this life that deeply upset people and make them miserable. And while I don't have high empathy, I also don't particularly enjoy making people miserable, honestly? It's not something that I think is necessary and I'd like to avoid it if I can. But considering I once freaked out my own therapist badly enough she needed to end the session early, I am also now aware that I am not good at gauging what is and isn't 'too much'. So even when I try to avoid accidentally mentioning something horrific from this life, the underlying issue is that I don't know where that line is, which leads to some mishaps.

Eugh, that's rough, I'm sorry. That's a tough one. It may be a question of asking as general of questions as you can at first - asking about kintypes stemming from trauma in general, things like that - and if you feel like you need to get into it further, giving a warning at the start and a "please tell me if I need to stop, it's okay" and then kind of. slowly adding more detail bit by bit, as best you can? That way, at least in theory, people can tap out as soon as they start to get close to their line of "too much," and hopefully you won't end up actually crossing that line by accident. (This also means probably going via DMs where you can send short messages and get responses in real-time, versus asks where that's going to be harder and more annoying for everyone, but there you go.)

Which... is probably not super helpful, and I'm sorry for that, wish I had better advice for you. Maybe someone else has something in the notes?

[90363462]

How To Get More Of What You Need In The Bedroom

How To Get More Of What You Need In The Bedroom

Hey, we've all got needs...right?

Shellie R. Warren

Oct. 08, 2021 06:12PM EST

Sexual needs. Lawd, they are so real, y'all. This is something that I try and get through to the head of some of the clients that I work with — that when it comes to sexual activity, there are some things that each and every one of us deem to be necessary, an urgent want or something that's essential when it comes to experiencing true pleasure. And when those needs aren't met? Boy, that can lead to all kinds of sex-related issues including a disconnect between partners, less sexual frequency or even resentment over time.

Hopefully, you're getting all of your current sexual needsmet. But if you happen to be someone who is out here feeling some type of way because you and your partner are not getting more of what you and/or they desire, I've got seven things that many people have told me they wish they received more of in the sex department, along with some insight on how to get these particular kinds of needs met.

Romance

Whenever I'm talking to married couples about what they wish they received more of, as far as bedroom action is concerned, it never fails that wives will usually say "romance" while husbands typically say "spontaneity". As far as what's behind Door #2 goes, I'll get more into that in a sec. For now, I'll touch on romance. Personally, I think it's so important when it comes to sexual activity that I wrote "What Does It Truly Mean When Someone's 'Romantic'?" and "Tonight's The Night For A Really Romantic Sexual Experience" for the site. One of the main things to keep in mind about romance is the fact that it needs to happen way before even stepping one foot into your boudoir. You know, I've been working with couples for many years now and I find it to be no surprise that a lot of people whose sex lives are ho-hum and subpar are also people who don't spend a lot of quality time together — going on dates (including sex dates), taking weekend road trips, going for walks after dinner, cooking together, dancing to their favorite R&B jams in the living room…you catch my drift.

If you wish you could get more scented soy candles on your nightstand and rose petals on your bed, start with getting together with your partner to plan some dates together, even if you've got to get super creative and have them at home (check out "10 Romantic Dates You Can Go On (In Your Own Home)"). The more thoughtful and attentive the two of you are outside of your bedroom, the easier it will be to act that way inside of it.

Spontaneity

I'm working with three couples right now where the husbands are pretty close to being pissed and shutting all the way down. Why? Well, when they were dating their wife, sex was random, fun and it happened all of the time. This was pretty much the case during the first year of their marriage as well. Yet as time has gone by, morning sex a few times a week has now become sex twice a month — and that's if they are lucky. Oh, but not right now. Now it's like their wives wanna screw like rabbits. Why? Because they are trying to conceive a child. Getting pregnant, each husband is fine with. What's got them triggered to high hell is the fact that if these women can muster up all of this sexual adrenaline to get pregnant, why can't they do that just to enjoy being with their partner?

These men have a point. Besides, sex shouldn't be treated as a "means to an end". When you're married, it first needs to be honored as a priority and staple in your relationship (because if there is one thing that should separate everyone else from you and your spouse, it's that you have sex with your husband), along with being a very intimate way to get closer to your partner — to bond with them on spiritual, emotional and physical level. And while there are times when life may require that you schedule it in order to make it happen, there still needs some spontaneity up in that mug too. Again, I didn't say it — most of the men I know, married and single, say it, on loop, all of the time.

And why is spontaneity such a big deal? It's impulsive. It's passionate. By definition, it doesn't require a ton of effort or premeditation. Some synonyms for the word include simple (dig that!), automatic, free-spirited, unavoidable, uncontrived, off-the-cuff, and inevitable (dig that one too!).

Being spontaneous is meeting your partner at the door, butt-ass naked. Being spontaneous is joining your partner in the shower while they are in it. Being spontaneous is sending random texts about all of the things on your sex bucket list that you want to check off over the next couple of weeks. Being spontaneous is walking into his office and engaging in some oral action, regardless of what he's doing. Being spontaneous is letting him know, out of the blue, that you want to make the kind of movie that only the two of you can watch together.

It's kind of crazy that if spontaneity is the main thing that you and/or yours are missing, it's important to talk about it first. However, if you remember the synonyms "simple" and "inevitable" while you're having the discussion of how to bring more into the sexual part of your relationship, it really can remind you both to come up with ways to make each other feel desirable…just because…with absolutely no agenda other than cultivating pure pleasure on a dime.

Seduction

Ah. The art of seduction. If anyone is bored when it comes to their sex life (check out "7 Signs You're In A 'Sex Rut' & How To Get Out Of It"), I'd venture to say that a lack of seducing and/or being seduced is playing a major role in it all. Shoot, I'll take it even further and say that some people aren't getting what they need in this area because it's been so long since it's happened that they have lost sight of what seduction even entails.

Flirting is an act of seduction. Dressing seductively on dates is an act of seduction. Wearing lingerie is an act of seduction. Extending foreplay (including mental foreplay; check out "Mental Foreplay Hacks That Ultimately Takes Intercourse To New Levels") is an act of seduction. Taking off each other's clothes, ever-so-slowly, before sex is an act of seduction. Bringing in sex condiments (check out "12 'Sex Condiments' That Can Make Coitus Even More...Delicious") is an act of seduction. Doing anything with the intent of enticing your partner to lust you? That is what it means to seduce him.

Unlike spontaneity, seduction is something that is extremely premeditated. You've got to think about what kind of scent he adores on you and where he likes you to put it most (check out "8 Natural Aphrodisiac Scents, Where They Go & How To Make Them Last"). You've got to ponder whether you should go out with him with a lace thong or with no panties at all. You've got to really reflect on what kind of atmosphere to create that will make him want to climb the walls. That's the cool thing about seduction, though — the more thought you put into being the ultimate seductress, the more excited you will probably get about the day or night that lies ahead.

Affirmation

I am a words of affirmation kind of gal. I'm pretty sure that's a big part of the reason why I'm also such a fan of dirty talk — and indeed, like other sexual activities, it is a skill; it's not something that comes automatically or easily for everyone. OK, but I'm getting a little bit ahead of myself here. Let's first touch on why affirming your partner is such an important thing to do. While actions are definitely important, words are too. When you affirm someone, you're letting them know that you see them, that you value them and that you appreciate having them in your life. Affirming someone can help to boost their self-esteem, to make them feel closer to and safer around you and it can remind them of why you chose to be with them in the first place.

While it's not discussed, nearly enough, dirty talk can definitely be a form of verbally affirming your partner because when you're telling them what you're physically attracted to, what you enjoy about the act itself and what they can do to get you to get there — it's like participating in a sex-themed pep rally of sorts. Besides, the best kind of sex incorporates all five senses (sight, smell, touch, taste and hearing) and when you are telling your partner what you adore about them and what pleases you most about sex, in your absolutely sexiest voice, how can that not inspire them to give you more of what you need and want? Exactly.

Oral Action

There are a few people in my world who have pretty high sex drives and yet, at the same time, they aren't big on kissing (check out "Umm, What's Up With These People Who Hate Kissing?") and/or giving (or sometimes even receiving) oral sex ("Sooo...What If You HATE Oral?"). While I personally can't relate to either stance (chile), if you happen to be someone who falls into either category, something that can help in the oral sex department is flavored lubrication. Hey, I'm not playing. These days, there are all sorts of brands that taste so good that it can make going down or being gone down on a lot more pleasant if you or yours happen to be someone who is hesitant because it's just not something that you can wrap your head around (no pun). 

Also, if you happen to be someone who is self-conscious about if you're doing it well or not, well, I'll put it to you this way — you're probably gonna lick an ice cream cone way better than an empty spoon. In other words, sweet skin is gonna make you way more enthusiastic and passionate than plain skin will. Feel me? Anyway, as far as letting-lube-lead-the-way goes, check out "The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant". It's a little hack that really can make a huge difference. HUGE.

Pampering

Is it just me or does it seem like pampering and sex don't go hand in hand as much as they should? When I think of "treating with extreme care" in the context of coitus, to be honest with you, what comes to my mind is more afterplay (check out "Sure, Your Foreplay Game Is On Point. Now What About The 'Afterplay'?") than anything else because, if we're gonna be real, it's a lot easier to want to act "excessively indulgent" towards your partner when you're trying to get some. Oh, but it's next level to do it after you've already "been to the mountaintop" and nothing sounds more appealing than a nap.

So, how can you and your partner sexually pamper one another after sex? A massage. Soaking in the tub together. Giving each other a handwritten note or card that you had prepared beforehand. Feeding each other aphrodisiacs like strawberries, chocolate, and watermelon. Surprising each other with "favorite thing" tokens.

Basically, by making sure that the "end" is just as sweet, special, and satisfying as the beginning, that can make each sexual experience that much more endearing and memorable. It can also make both of you really excited about being with one another again…very, very soon.

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Pillow Talk

I've shared before that if you've got a man who happens to fall asleep right after sex, you really shouldn't get mad at him; that's how he was created. There is a biochemical called prolactin that's released when men ejaculate that typically results in them feeling drained and tired. Not much can be done about that. However, what I will say is a lot of the guys who I've discussed this with have told me that falling asleep is a lot easier to do when their partner decides that she now wants to talk about where the relationship is headed, what bill needs to be paid or what chore needs to be done around the house.

In other words, guys are already tapped out after sex and so, a boring or emotionally draining conversation definitely doesn't inspire them to want to keep their eyes open. So, if more pillow talk is what you're after, try and keep the topics light, crack jokes or ask if he's down to watch something fun on the tube. While there is a time and place for "deep" pillow talk, right after sex usually isn't one of them. However, if you relax and try and stay in the flow of the moment, many men are down to spoon and chat for a while. Hell, 5-7 minutes, at least. #wink

For more love and relationships, features, dating tips and tricks, and marriage advice, check out xoNecole's Sex & Love section here.

Featured image by Giphy

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[agent-bash]

Does your line of work every make your mind go to super dark places when you see behind the scenes pics for PD and other shows? I’m an ED nurse, and have been freaking out internally about those sweatpants since the pics dropped. I hope it doesn’t mean what I know it can, but I won’t lie and say I don’t have a pit in my stomach now.

Alright, so I’ve gotten this ask, obviously. I addressed it without posting yesterday, and it sparked a few others asking for the “dark theory.” I took some time to assemble thoughts and debate whether I really wanted to put it out there or not. Then someone else pointed out to me that they’d had the same thought, so here we go. I’m going to preface this by saying this is not a theory. It was just a thought. A fleeting thought at that. We all have those. And they're usually coloured by our experiences, like our job.

Tagged out the wazoo and under the cut because we’re about to get very uncomfortable here. So be mindful of that and tread carefully, please.

I’m sure it comes as no surprise that I see bad things on my job. So too, would our Nurse friend here. It’s our reality and something that’s glossed over when people talk about our jobs. Even when we talk about our jobs. So Reality: if you want to become a first responder, know that you will hear things we can’t unhear and you will see things we can’t unsee. And sometimes, even an innocuous thing, can trigger a darker associated thought or memory. But cooler heads prevail and actual thoughts come through. But still we can’t unthink that darker idea, as much as we may wish to.

So how does that take us to 10x20 and a very dark thought? Again, a thought. Not a theory. Never a theory. I don’t want to see it. It’s quite simple. 

In my line of work, blood stains on the rear of someone’s pants, like we see the wardrobe guys putting on Hailey’s sweatpants, more often than not mean one thing. A violent sexual assault. 

Literally only once, in almost ten years on the job, as a stain like that on a patient, not been because of sexual assault or worse. So that is what first, tragically, crossed my mind when I saw those pants. Now when I first saw the pics of those pants, I didn't know they were (likely) Hailey's.

So is Hailey being sexually assaulted (again) or worse, a thought that crossed my mind? Yes, in a roundabout way I guess. Do I think it will be that? No. As I said, it was an initial thought until the asks started coming in; it went no further. And I really don’t think the show will go there. And here’s why:

It would be so ruthlessly dark for the writers to go that route. It’s already been a pretty heavy season for Hailey, emotionally and physically. And while I think the episode will also be hard and heavy, on her (and us). This? It’s way too much.

And luckily, the show's history is on my side here a bit. Sexual assault to our mains is something they’ve largely shied away from. Yes, we know Hailey has been sexually assaulted. But that was a tell, not a show. It was in the past. It happened before we met her. It's still awful. It's still an experience she had. But it's not one we got to see and experience with her. And that's what's kind of important here. This idea of telling, not showing, a past (that we don't actually see,) not a present (at any point of the show where we will), seems to be at the tiptop of their comfort level with storylines, for the main characters.

A reoccurring character? Fair game. We’ve seen it twice. Cases? No, duh, it's a cop drama. But to the main characters? So far, and that far? Thankfully a no. Hopefully always a no.

There are other ways for the blood to get there. Transfer the most obvious. Hailey will sit in, fall in, or be knocked into a blood smear. Is it her own? I'm gonna go with probably. What is the exact situation? No idea! I heard something about MMA-type fighters being cast, and I believe it was for this episode, so I'm going with underground fight club, which no lie was a fic idea I was toying with a while back. We'll find out in a couple weeks.

So yeah, call it a dark theory if you want. For sure a dark, very dark thought. But not something at all, I think, is likely to happen. The worst of worse-case scenarios.

[askanaroace]

Hello! I feel nervous for some reason, but I’ve had questions and wanted to ask someone who was aro/ace for (hopefully) some answers. (Also, sorry that this is super long!) I’ve been aro/ace questioning for a little bit now, more so on the aro side, but I still feel a bit unsure of whether or not to truly consider myself ace. The thought of having sex with literally anyone kind of just makes me uncomfy and I didn’t realize that people actually had thoughts about having sex with someone they liked or found attractive? I feel more sure of being ace because of these things, but there’s still some doubt. I also do have a sex drive, but it’s not usually very strong and typically comes in waves, but it’s never driven or triggered by anyone. As for the aro difficulties, I would really like to date someone or do things couples do (minus the sex), but whenever it comes down to actually dating someone I’m talking to, it’s like my brain shuts off the “I like you” feelings and I get nervous at the thought of dating them? I end up feeling terrible in the end since I feel like we don’t like each other the same way. I always just thought I had really bad commitment issues, but maybe I’m kind of aro? When I think of being in a relationship, it’s like I just want to be really good friends with someone that shares similar qualities to that of a couple that’s dating, but the thought of actually dating sounds weird. I don’t think I’m demiromantic, because I’ve had romantic(? Maybe aesthetic?) attraction to people I haven’t known for too long either. The reason why I’m still unsure of both of them though is because I feel like I need to experience it to know whether or not I am aro/ace, but the thought of doing so feels foreign and scary because I’ve heard so many bad stories from friends. When I questioned these things to some people who are closer to me as well, it kind of just felt like they were telling me I need to wait for the right person to experience these feelings? And I know they mean no harm, but it just made me feel more like,, maybe I was in the wrong for how I felt??? Idk anyone around me who is aro/ace, but I do have friends who are lgbt+, but it kind of felt like they were telling me the same thing tbh... I know it’s not easy to ask someone to understand what you’re feeling when they might not know how or what it is you’re feeling, so that’s another reason as to why I’ve been wanting to ask someone who is aro/ace about my questions hfjshf

Here's what you need to do to be aromantic/asexual:

Identify as aromantic/asexual

Here's a random variety of things you do not need to do to be aromantic/asexual:

Be a certain age

Have certain experiences

Tried dating/sex

Know for sure that you're aro/ace

Prove your identity in a court of law

Prove your identity to your friends/family

Prove your identity to anyone

Pass a test

Get diagnosed as aro/ace

Have no questions or doubts about being aro/ace

Get certified as aro/ace

Fit a stereotype

Get permission to identify as aro/ace

Wait a certain amount of time

Identity is not about knowing for absolute sure. The labels we've created are just for sake of ease in communication. That's it. You get to pick your labels based on whatever criteria you have. Being curious about a label is a good enough reason to use it. Wanting to use a label is a good enough reason to use it. No one has a right to argue with you over your own feelings or the oversimplified words you use to describe those feelings.

Based on your feelings, I can certainly see what drew you to aromanticism and asexuality.

So what do you think, OP? Do you want to identify as aromantic/asexual? :)

[domesticated-whores]

Hate when I'm reminded of a stupid little trigger, lol. Story time because writing things out calms me a bit.

I was hanging out with my guy last night and when he was walking me home late we saw his buddies (one of which is like a mutual work friend, I know and like all these people, he just knows them better) standing outside their place smoking so we stopped for a bit. They were talking about going to see a movie today and our work friend jokingly asked for permission to have my guy for the day so that the group could go to the movies and I was like "lol, sure, I guess I'll let you have him for a day" or whatever. At this point I was cool with the fact that it looked like I wasn't invited. I don't know these people as well, some of them I've never even directly spoken to, I know I would very much be tagging along with my guy. I'm cool with not being invited, I'd probably go if directly asked but I'm also not going to insert myself into my guy's friend group. Probably never, but ESPECIALLY not when we aren't even really together yet. And frankly I've been hanging out with my guy most days and I have shit to do at home that I've been neglecting and my cats miss me, so I could use a catch-up day.

But then work friend accidentally said the phrase that unleashes every fucking ounce of anxiety in me. "I would invite you, but..."

He said he'd invite me, but I work early so he assumed I'd not want to go to a movie on 5 hours of sleep, kind of with the implication that they'd all be hanging out late after the movie too. I probably go to bed WAY earlier than anyone else there. I wouldn't be one to ask my guy to leave early because I'm getting kinda sleepy or some shit, but fair enough line of thought. It's not a rare phrase, I know. Maybe it's a bit rude to assume literally right in front of the person instead of asking if i wanted to go, but it's usually more of a wording issue than anything else. And maybe you're suppose to correct people when they have the wrong assumption, maybe my anxiety is the problem there too. I don't know.

But growing up autistic and (later) pretty severely mentally ill, I was always in friend groups out of pity or as some kind of joke. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was really bullied growing up in that subtle little way that goes over a kid's head when they're just do gullible and honest and literal. That's all I fucking knew, those were the only "friends" I've ever had. Ever. All my life people have made decisions for me like that, but with double meaning and bad intention. "You should come to this (for entertainment value, so we can make fun of you)!!" and "I would have invited you, but (we don't want you there) it doesn't seem like something you'd be into..." After being told over and fucking over again how stupid I am for taking this shit at face value and not seeing that it was "obvious" lies, I finally had it imprinted into me to see the worst meaning behind it. And now I can't even see another meaning with people that I really do trust.

But I KNOW it isn't logical. Even if I don't trust the guy that said it enough to know for sure that that's not what he meant (and I don't think he'd be one to do that honestly, I just have trust issues and I'm not super close to him) I really honest to god trust my guy and I don't think his friend would slight me in front of him, nor do I think he'd not say anything at all if it was meant to be read like that. Even if it was a dismissive response, I think he would have acknowledged it (with like an "lol, rude" or smth) at least. So I'm pretty sure that, outside of my own anxiety and trauma, it didn't mean anything.

But, fuck, did it hit. It hit hard. I think I masked fine, hopefully? But now it's getting to me a little bit. I'm wondering if the first actual friends I've ever had actually ARE my friends. But what the fuck can I even do about it?

Again, I know it's just that it triggered a little response in me and it isn't actually like that, so I guess I'll just try to talk myself out of it. I could ask my guy about it and request a bit of validation or something, but I really would rather not do that. I don't think he'd be terrible about it, he knows I struggle with that stuff a lot and he'd probably be totally willing to reassure me. But I wouldn't even know how to word it, and then he'd probably end up telling me to come and I think that would make my anxiety worse because EVEN WITH REASSURANCE I would have a creeping anxiety that I was only invited because I caught onto what they were doing and they felt obligated to cover it up by letting me go along. Again, not logical, but anxiety rarely is. And it's over SUCH a little thing that it's fucking embarrassing as hell. This man has heard me vent and seen me have full on meltdowns over being overstimulated or stressed, but that's usually over an accumulation of several very real and actively stressful things. I feel comfortable enough with him, but I do not feel comfortable enough with myself to explain how a very basic phrase hit me so hard because of shit that's happened years ago now.

[fatal-furry-mark-of-the-tigers]

I got some uncomfortable shit to unpack, the usual dark sociopolitical take warning. Nazi mention, stupid anime analogies, etc.

When people talk about not dehumanizing the Nazis, it's a red flag in a lot of contexts, but at the end of the day, they were human.

They were stupid fucked up regular ass people at some point in their lives. It's not sympathizing to realize that at some point before a terrible mix of blurry internal and external, mental and social problems mixed in exactly the wrong ways over a lot of time for things to go that far in what looked like more of a world-changing one of a kind climax than it was through sheer well-known public knowledge after global superpowers got involved...everyone involved, no matter how terrible of a war criminal they became later, was just a stupid relatively blank slate baby like everyone else, and circumstances beyond their control at the time made things exponentially worse down the line.

I'm not a huge history buff or super well-read on geopolitics, but I'm not naive enough to think everything about the world and people and what will actually work in practice can be learned from The Communist Manifesto. I don't have a great attention span for long reads, as much as I really want to work on that if I even have enough free time to do it without being a miserable tumblr blogger who thinks they're an activist.

There's a difference between eugenicists saying

"Hitler had some good ideas, actually..."

and people who want to change things for the better saying

"Hopefully, at the very end, Hitler realized how bad he fucked up and knew he couldn't do anything to make things better himself, and smiled when he pulled the trigger at the thought that the world might learn a lesson from it and do better."

Nazi humanization and Nazi sympathy overlap with uncomfortable frequency, but they're not the same thing.

Dehumanizing anyone completely is never good. It's never going to be good. I know people do just fuck up and become so irreparably mentally broken that the best thing anyone can do for the world is just put them down.

And I'm sorry to dive into weeb garbage so often for analogies here, but for as much as the Pain fight in Naruto got people to miss the point through Tom and Jerry animation, the cycle of hatred theme had a lot of merit to it.

No matter how irredeemable and bad someone might be perceived as or actually be through self-fulfilling prophecy after being publicly seen that way, if they had a positive impact on anyone else's life who's still around to know about how they died, they're just going to get emotionally messed up by it. Even if they end up understanding why it had to happen, the pain from that never really does disappear without being passed on to someone else.

A lot of upbeat positive shonen anime is just wish fulfillment like that. Not in wanting to be super buff by screaming or throwing energy balls around, but wishing the world was that simple. Wishing that everything could be ok later by talking things out after surviving a brutal gay fistfight knowing it's not actually that easy.

As much as I try not to speculate about real people's lives in a Beatles fanfiction writer way, I can't help being interested in how much the themes of a long-running serial fiction work tie into how much shit the creator is dealing with personally.

Yoshiyuki Tomino made some Gundam series wildly varied in tone as he dealt with Bandai.

Masashi Kishimoto wrote Naruto at a time when he was finding his way as a young optimistic up and coming author.

And I had some dark speculation on thinking about the vague possibility of Boruto just being an oddly thematic climax to his depression after the Shonen Jump publishing experience.

That maybe he is just writing it as poorly as possible while sticking to barely enough of the core themes to try to be subtle enough.

I'm curious to see if it does get canceled before finishing or if it finishes with basically a downer "everyone dies and the future sucks" ending.

But I'll obviously never be 100% sure either way, because the theme of complete silent mutual understanding is still just wish fulfillment at heart.

Whether anyone confirms by asking him personally or not, they wouldn't know with 100% certainty that he was being completely honest without embellishing or lying.

So yeah, it's never that simple, and it's never going to be, and I have a lot to learn about the world and hope to make a lasting enough impact without becoming a terrible person along the way.

You can try your best, but we're still stupid humans with countless design flaws that do stupid things and fuck up like crazy. There's never any guarantees that what happened in 1940s Germany won't happen again in your lifetime close by or that you won't have a hand it, intentionally or not.

But there's just as little guarantee that it will get that bad.

Just try to educate yourself to the best of your ability without sacrificing your basic human decency if you understandably can't handle the true extent of how dark human history really gets.

Hitler was just a guy who ended up irredeemably evil through terrible chains of circumstances that led to his death.

Anyone has the potential when they're born to have that much terrible shit happen around them that things would get that far out of control.

Just try not to let that be you.

See you later.