#i literally have barely been drawing these past few months because. no time

[michsmeesh]

*quietly crawls out of my pit*

ohhh hiii hello i'm alive by the way

[marleemutt]

TLDR: im a black trans artist who can use some help right now following the sudden passing of my only sister - her doberman is now the responsibility of my parents and we can use help for his food, supplements, toys etc.

Kofi (help me send Chewy orders to my parent's house)

Wishlist (literally send him things like toys, treats, etc.)

⬇️ more info ⬇️

hey guys

some of you might be aware of this already, but early October, my eldest sibling & only sister suddenly passed away due to a seizure, she had been dealing with epilepsy her whole life.

this has been incredibly difficult for me, and my family. her passing was incredibly sudden, she was only 30.

for the past month or so ive been struggling to find any motivation to draw, and barely able to work.

she was the incredibly devoted owner of a doberman named Remi(Ramsey). Me and my sister traveled 4 hours to pick him up three years ago. He's a goofball who tears up socks and needs constant supervision. My parents love him, but I can tell he is a lot of work for two people who have fulltime jobs and have lived long lives.

I'm going to try to help them take care of him as much as possible, I feel that it's the least we can do to honor my sister's memory, since she loved him so deeply.

My sister always wanted a doberman, for years she would watch videos about dobermans and talk about them to anyone who would listen.

Remi wasn't easy to raise - I shared a room with my sister when she got him in 2020, she still worked a 9-5, five days a week, so I was his nanny for most of his difficult childhood. I was his chew toy for the first year of his life about - but that only made him bond closer to me. If he wasn't following my sister, I was choice #2. Dobermans are "velcro dogs", they were bred to guard their owners, and because of this, they are fiercely loyal. I've been moved out of my parent's place for going on 3 years, and my sister had just moved with Remi out a few months prior to her passing.

A week before my sister's sudden passing, we had to board Remi at my dog daycare job while my family and I took a trip out of state. When dropping him off, although he was happy to see me again for the first time in months, the moment my sister turned her back to him he began to panic. He got through the boarding all right but my coworkers told me he would cry and wait by the door for me or her. When my sister picked him up, they said he jumped all 80+lbs into her arms.

Since my sister's passing, Remi has been directionless. He's with my family, people he trusts, but he's bored, confused, and heartbroken. My sister would often take him to the dog park, social events, on runs, etc. but my parent's can't do that in their age. If my apartment allowed large dogs, I would take him, but I can't, and I see him maybe twice a month if possible.

Ramsey's Christmas List

I made a christmas list for him of things that might help my parents better take care of him. We're trying different food brands out because he struggles with frequent stomach issues, and we can't seem to figure out what food my sister was feeding him. This list is by no means a necessity for him, but I tried to add things to help with his boredom and keep him stimulated when my parents can't give him all their attention.

i do want to state that my family is capable of providing him with the essentials to live, we arent irresponsible. i would just like to help my parents out since a 3 year old 80-90lb doberman is a lot of work to be suddenly placed on them soley. And I worry for his health and well-being sometimes - Remi has a tendency to eat/tear random objects when he's bored.

please consider donating whatever you can. Everything goes directly to him.

thank you for taking the time to read this, and possibly reblog if possible. ❤️

[zimthandmade]

Hey, I loved your drawing of Matt and Mello watching the Netflix adaptation of the BB case. "Naomi did all the work" so real, I loved that comment, literally L barely did anything to help her and to make it worse he let her work with the criminal himself even after she told him that she didn't feel comfortable working with him and he put her endangered. Very bad L.

It also made me wonder how little Mello reacted to that part of the story when L told it to him. The most logical option is that at that time he did not realize how negligent L had been because, well, even though he is a very smart genius, he was still a child, and his idol was telling him a very interesting case, I doubt he ever noticed or bothered to look into it.

A few years later when he starts writing his novel, he realizes that L did absolutely nothing to solve the case and thinks "L was such a dumbass."

But in case he noticed it at the time, I can't get little Mello out of my head scolding L and questioning his methods in that case.

*After L finishes the story*

Mello: ...So you let this Naomi Misora ​​work with BB, the murderer himself. And you didn't even inform her that he was the murderer.

L: Yes.

Mello: Weren't you worried about her dying? And also if you knew that BB– or "Ryuuzaki" was the culprit, why didn't you arrest him sooner?

L: Naomi is an efficient agent, I trusted her abilities and that she wouldn't let herself be killed that easily. And I knew he was BB from our past connection, but I had no proof that he was the killer so.

Mello: But in the end she did all the work, you didn't do anything.

L:

Mello: You gave her the credit, right?

Anyway, I love your drawings 💖💖

Oh gosh I love the idea of Mello roasting L on the spot after telling his Wara Ningyo Story haha Can someone put this conversation as a "for the better, right?" meme? 😂

I thought a bit about how that whole meeting between L and Mello came to be. And I think L never makes it a big deal when he‘s at Wammy‘s for a visit. But Mello (12 y/o) finds out that L is in the house that day and he catches him when L and Watari are already heading out. Mello has questions about Beyond, who vanished overnight a few months ago "for personal reasons" and pesters L about it, he must know what happened to him, he is L after all. L invites Mello for a piece of cake. Watari notifies Roger that "Justus“ is borrowing Mello for a while. They‘re out In the cafe, L tells Mello all about the Wara Ningyo case, without omitting any of the gruesome details.

Auro is my version of A btw.

----- My other socials Commission Info Let's have some Ko-Fi! 🍵

[calypsocolada]

213 DAYS | f. dostoevsky

(click here for part two)

synopsis: you seek out a demons help not realizing just how long he’s waited for you.

authors note: LOL this was completely out of left feild. I binged bungo stray dogs in less than a month and CANNOT stop thinking about this man (and every other character) who would definitely manipulate me to death. LOL anyways enjoy this mess, i didn’t have much of a plan just kinda wrote.

cw: suggestive, soft!fyodor, lovesick!fyodor (he’s literally obsessed with you), manipulative, fluff, making out, cussing, plot convenience lol

wc: 3.9k

————————————————————————————————————————

Your hands were shaking terribly so you clenched them tighly as you followed a guard down a long, long hallway. It’s lights sickly, everything looked the same, the doors, windows, ceilings and flooring. All without a single identifiable difference. You took a steadying breath as the guard a few feet in front of you slowed. He turned slightly to talk to you over his shoulder.

“No one comes to visit this guy, your the first since he’s been here.” He says. You knew a lot about said prisoner. A bit of a complicated past, very, very complicated. “He doesn’t have any existing family, or so I’ve heard.” You could tell with the way this guard was talking he was sweet on the prisoner. That didn’t surprise you, the man you were about to see for the first time in months had a lot of things under his belt. He was manipulative, he could trick the soul right out of your body. The guard rounded one last corner and you knew which padded cell was his. Your hands shook even worse as the guard approached the door.

“I’m sure you know how dangerous he is.” The guard starts as you give him a sharp look.

“I do. Do you?” He looked caught, like the jig was up. He cleared his throat.

“Of course, ma’am. Our city thanks you for capturing him.”

“Just open the door. Oh and,” you take a step towards the guard. “Whatever he’s promised you, I advise you to not take it, or you’ll have me to deal with.” You threaten, the guard's eyes go wide as he slowly nods his head. “Good boy.”

The doors swung open and you saw him just mere feet away, locked tight in the middle of a room.

Fyodor.

There were countless scraps of paper littering the white walls. A various drawings of you. You walked forwards, eyes catching each piece. He started to not remember your face after some time so on some papers there were just hazy outlines but you knew it was you.

Your heart sped like crazy, his sharp snake like eyes met yours and a wicked grin spread across his lips. HIs eyes dragged every inch of your body, probably thinking this was a once in a lifetime visit and he had to memorize your features all over again. He told you you’d come back to him someday, you didn’t think it’d be so damn soon.

All alone the giant room seemed small. You walked forwards, feeling all sorts of things, sickness and anxiousness from seeing Fyodor again. You’d been driven right into the hands of a demon. You could feel his grip beckoning you to come closer. A dangerous energy swirling. You'd felt that since you first met him, unexplainable and new.

“213 days was all it took for you to come back to me.” Fyodor greeted as you walked the distance towards him. He’d counted the days, it wouldn’t surprise you if he knew it all down to the second.

“That’s quite some time.” You answered and Fyodor cocked his head to the side just barely, coal black hair falling over his shoulder.

“It is, my love, too long if you ask me.”

“Not long enough.” You quipped. Fyodor’s eyes locked onto yours. He was devilishly handsome, whatever pull to him back then you still felt in the pit of your stomach when you were around him. Like a magnet or a string tied from you to him. Everywhere you went didn’t matter because it all led back to him. Something kept you thinking of him for those 213 days just the same as him.

“You say that but your eyes tell a different story.”

“Mhm, is it the same story you so crave for me to want.”

“You will want it in due time, my love, but until then a new story is being written.”

“What story is that?” You ask. Fyodor grinned, eyes lighting.

“Well, the story of us.”

“It looks a lot like a tragedy.” You said and Fyodor sighed, amused with your comebacks.

“Now it does, but that’s just the first act. Can’t have a resolution so early on.” He’d wave off if he could. He was currently in a straight jacket, chained to the floor beneath him. He was a dangerous man and this was the only way to keep him from trouble.

“You’re smart, I’m sure you know why I’m here.” You say, you were now mere feet from him, his coal back hair looked like silk, his red crimson eyes looking up at you with something like amusement. You knew he was going to play dumb just for the sake of you talking more to him.

“I’m sorry, you might have to catch me up.” You needed his help and there was little Fyodor wanted in this word, but the biggest, most glaring thing he wanted was you. He’d been infatuated the moment he saw you fighting alongside the detective agency, he’d even foiled some of his comrades plans just to make sure you weren’t hurt in the process. Still, he was a highly dangerous criminal and should be treated as such. You needed to remember that. You slowly sat on the chair across from him.

“Dazai’s been captured and has been missing for three days now. The kidnappers have given us a week. If they were smart enough to trick Dazai they’re well over our heads. I’ve exhausted every avenue, I can’t sleep, I’m scared they’re going to kill him. I'm alone in all of this. If anyone is close to Dazai’s level it’s you.” You explained, Fyodor’s face morphed into something you hadn’t seen much except in your loved ones faces. He looked worried. “What is it?” You asked, scared that he knew something you didn’t and that he couldn’t help you, this was really a last resort.

“You haven’t been sleeping?” Fyodor asked, genuinely concerned. Your lips parted in surprise.

“What?” Was all you could say, he’d surprised you.

“How long have you not slept, my love?”

“That’s- that’s not what’s important here, Fyodor.” You dismissed.

“That’s what’s important to me. How long?” He asks, a bit more commanding this time.

“I- I don’t know. Two days at least.” You answer. Fyodor’s face goes serious.

“I will help, but you will not. You will sleep.”

“We’re working this together. Faster you solve the faster I can sleep.” You counter, wondering if this really was the only stipulation he needed in exchange for his help.

“Deal, we should get started at once.” He says, hastily working something behind his back until suddenly his damn straight jacket clicks and falls to the floor. You gasp, shocked. He could’ve broken out of that this whole time. You wondered what other measures put in place to keep him here were really just laughable to him. If he could escape so easily why hadn’t he before now? Was he really just waiting all this time for you to come back to him?

“That’s- that’s it?” You stutter as Fyodor stands, holding a hand out to you to take.

“Your precious company is more than enough to repay me for my services.” He beams and you know he means it. You're not sure what is it about you that has him to utterly captivated, whether it's all a lie and a part of some plan of if he really, truly cares for you.

Cautiously you take his hand and gently he pulls you to your feet, tugging you against his chest, long white fingers tucking hair behind your ear.

“You’re still as beautiful as the day I met you.” He says and you feel a traitorous blush creep across your cheeks. His eyes look hazy this close, you could feel on hand ghosting your cheek and another around your back. "Now, listen closely love, I own three out of four of the guards outside my door, plus the warden. You use those powers of yours on the last one and we can escape peacefully." He says, hands sliding off your body as he knocks a serious of knocks on the door, most likely some sort of code. Your mouth drops open.

"You what?" You burst out. He really was just relaxing here, not confined at all. Fyodor cocks his head at you, confused as though he hadn't just told you he practially owns the prison.

"I like to play games, dear, you know that. As long as I'm back in the morning no one will know." He says. Your jaw ticks as you strut across the floor, closing the distance between you two. You grab him by the front of the shirt.

"I'm not bringing you back here just so you can break free behind my back!" You growl, he looks at you as though you claimed the stars in the sky.

"I'm quite content here for now, but here, I'll make you a deal." He offers as you furrow your brows.

"A deal?" You echo and he nods his head. You let go of the front of his shirt.

"You visit me once a month and I'll stay put."

"You're crazy." You breath out, but the conviction on his face was real. He'd rather see you once a month than be free. It was fucking insane. You bit your lip in contemplation. "You give me the names of every worker here under your payroll as well." You say and he instantly nods his head.

"Do we have a deal?" He holds out his hand for you to take, and for the second time today, you take it. His cold hand envelopes yours, fingers gripping you gently as a smile spreads across his lips.

"We gotta go." You say and Fyodor nods his head.

"Swipe your card and put the guard with the blond hair to sleep." Fyodor says and you nod. You do as told, the door sliding open. There were four guards, three with dark hair and one women with blond hair. She looks up and smiles when you walked out. You smile back.

"Sleep." The power drips from your voice and the other guards are startled when the girl falls to the floor snoring lightly. They jump up, guns at the ready.

"Gun's down," Fyodor directs coldly, walking out behind you. The guards do exactly as told.

"Sorry, boss." The guard from earlier says, eyes meeting yours. You felt like an idiot, warning him earlier to watch himself around Fyodor and now here you were aiding his escape.

"We're going on a little date, keep things quiet while I'm gone." Fyodor says as the guards salute to him. You stroll out of the prison, Fyodor a step behind you.

“If you had an ounce of malice in your body you could destroy anyone that you ever came across, you know.” Fyodor said when you loaded into your car, the look in his eyes like a kid looking at their favorite superhero. Like he truly admired you. You had a hard time believing that but he was here and if he tried anything you could shut it down with your powers quite quickly. You had the power to control anyone with just your words. You were the one who captured him all those months ago, you could do it again.

“You're over estimating me.” You say as you turn down a backstreet that led towards the agency. Everyone else was out on various tasks, you were on this job alone. Everybody else just assumed he’d find a way to save himself, you didn’t like taking that chance. Dazai had saved you millions of times and you’d try your hardest to repay him.

“I think you’re underestimating yourself, dear, your agency friends would agree. You could be completely devastating.” Fyodor says as you roll your eyes.

“Well you must all be so lucky.” You wave off, pulling into the agency. You met Fyodor at the front of the car. Giving him a serious look.

“Don’t try anything, I really don’t wanna have to kill you.” You say tiredly, too tired to stop his hand from crossing the space between you two, tucking your hair out of your eyes. You freeze at the contact.

“To die by your hands would be bliss to me dear, but you won’t be rid of me yet.” He says, the look in his eyes like admiration, he looked at you the same way your father looked at your mother. It makes you feel unwanted things.

“When will I be rid of you?” You ask, but it was a loaded question and you weren’t sure what you meant. If you meant physically or mentally because you thought about him all the time when he was gone. Fyodor’s eyes slide down to yours, his hand lingering on your cheek.

“Dear, when we’re done here you’ll be begging me to stay.”

“In your dreams.” You challenged and he just smiled.

“Yes, those too.”

You swallowed and waved Fyodor forwards. As you walked, Fyodor turned to speak with you.

“You could’ve used your powers to bring me here.” Fyodor points out as though you didn’t know that.

“Yes, I could’ve.”

“But you didn’t.”

“Maybe I did, then I told you not to remember.” You jest.

“Oh dear, how I would love you to manipulate me. But alas you are nothing like me, but that’s what I like the most. The purest of intentions.”

You slide the key into the lock, pushing the door to the office open. Fyodor gives the place a once over as you lead him towards your desk.

You slide into your chair, taking out the letter that was sent to the agency about Dazai’s disappearance. Something you’ve looked at time and time again, it almost made you dizzy with exhaustion seeing it again.

Fyodor leans against your back, face close to yours as he reads the note over your shoulder. Your heart speeds at the contact. Fyodor’s hand slides down your shoulder to the note as he points to something.

“Dazai sent this himself.” Fyodor says quietly next to your ear. You snap your head to the side to look at him. He’s so close as he slowly slides his eyes to meet yours.

“What?” You force out.

“Look there, love,” you look at where his finger is pointing. It’s small so you bring the note just a little bit closer. A smile smiley face. You hadn’t noticed that before.

“What the hell?” You ask.

“Some letters are darker than the others, it reads out, ‘be back in two weeks, Dazai’.” You feel like a complete idiot. Anger builds fast in your chest. You rip the note in two and push yourself up from your desk.

“I just helped break a highly dangerous criminal out of a maximum security prison to find out Dazai’s on vacation.” You huff, falling back down into your chair. You hear a soft chuckle behind you. “Screw this.” You growled, storming out of the office towards your car. In your anger you totally forgot Fyodor but that didn’t matter because he followed you just a few steps behind. It was later in the day now, you were so tired and so angry as you stormed to your car. “Get in.” The power slipped into your words as Fyodor tripped over himself to get in the car, you hadn’t even noticed you did it, sometimes that happens when you lose control of your emotions. This was still so new to you. When you slipped in beside Fyodor, you pressed your head against the steering wheel, sighing heavily. “I’m sorry, I’m such an idiot.”

“Don’t say that, dear.”

“But it’s true. It took you seconds! I haven’t slept in days, searching that note night and day.” Frustration built in your chest as angry tears formed in your eyes.

“Dazai’s lucky to have a friend like you, someone who would lose sleep to help. Doesn’t matter how fast I figured it out, you would’ve gotten it out.”

“The note said a week till he was dead.”

“And you still had four days. Stop being so hard on yourself.” You slowly lifted your head off of the steering wheel, eyes fluttering to Fyodor’s. His voice was so calm, so non judgmental, it was messing with your head. You clear your throat.

“It’s too late to take you back now, we’ll have to go in the morning.” You say, trying to snap yourself out of whatever spell Fyodor was casting onto you. His face softens.

“Okay, dear.” He says, settling into the seat. You were hesitant bringing him to your home, he could kill you. But some stupid part of you thought differently of him, some part told you he wouldn’t hurt you. And that stupid part, driven by exhaustion had you driving back to your place, leading him inside and locking the door behind you too. You turned to him in the dim light of your hallway, his eyes shining red.

“Do I have to make you behave yourself?” You ask, the tightness of the hallway had you two quite close.

“You do whatever you like to me.” He whispered, his pale lips smirking in the dark. You swallow against the dryness in your throat, something tugs in your stomach. This was a terrible idea. The way he was looking at you was more dangerous than anything. The space between you both was barely existent. He was so tall, so handsome, all dark and magnetizing. You felt it all washing over you now. A invisible pull. A terrible turn. You let out a breath in your chest, eyes locking with his. Your hands had their own mind, reaching for the front of his shirt, his eyes watch over you. Your fingers knotted in his shirt and you stepped in his space. His lips parted. “Love, you’re crossing a line.” He whispers and you pause, drunk on something you weren’t sure of. Clearly you weren’t thinking straight but sobering up felt like going against yourself. It was strange.

“Should I stop?” You ask. His hand slides up your arm to tuck under your jaw, cold fingers pressing there.

“Never.” He says huskily. “But if you kiss me now then throw me in prison in the morning I’ll be quite hurt.” He jokes, his accent thickens. The air in your chest that you didn’t know you were holding exhales. You leaned into him and watched his eyes drift close, felt his body slack in anticipation. He was completely whipped, he was the one under your spell.

“You thought I was going to kiss you?” You ask, gaining a bit of attention back. Fyodor cocks his head just a bit, eyes fluttering open.

“You weren’t?” He asks, his lips slightly pouting. You grin sharply, slowly rocking on the tips of your toes to pull him down to your lips. A soft press, an answer. Something shoots through your body at the contact. You wanted this. You’ve wanted this since meeting him. He’d wanted the same. You pretended it away the best you could but you couldn’t fucking help it. He wasn’t a good person but he was to you. It was like he was two different people. One made for you. Fuck, you couldn’t help yourself any longer. Your hands dragged up into his hair, tangling. He groaned into your mouth, letting you walk him back into the front door, pressing your body against his, pinning him. You pulled back, kissing his jaw down to his neck, he whimpered at the contact, melting against your touch. “Love, you— you can’t,” he panted, unable to form a coherent sentence. Your cold hand slide under his shirt, feeling warmth beneath it, he gasped at your touch. His hands held you softly, as though you’d realize who you’d be kissing if he held you even tighter. But you knew who he was, what he’d done. But fuck it. You kissed him all over, his neck and jaw and cheeks and lips, you couldn’t stop. He shivered and his fingers slowly dig into the fat of your hips as he pulled you closer to him. He sighed, head falling to the side to give you better access. You kissed softly at his open throat and he made a low sound.

“I’ll show you to my room,” you whispered into his neck, hand sliding into his. When you went to tug him he didn’t move, you turned to look at him. “What’s wrong?”

“We shouldn’t.” He says and your heart dips.

“We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to,” you say, dropping his hand but he catches your fingers, shaking his head.

“You misunderstand me. I want to. But not right now, you’re not- you’re tired and it’s been a long day, I’d rather you sleep then keep you up all night.” You find yourself blushing at his words. You swallow.

“What if I want that?” You barely whisper as though your words held too much gravity. You watch his jaw tick, something flashing in his eyes. It was clear what he was thinking about.

“Love, please, I have just a shred of chivalry left, don't test it.” God you wanted to test it so badly but you felt light headed, exhaustion plaguing you now.

“Alright,” you say softly, he closes the distance between you both, pressing a soft and quick kiss to your lips. When he pulls back he pauses a hair’s width from your lips and when he speaks you feel his breath tickling you.

“Let’s go.” He says. You fumble through the darkness, Fyodor’s arms around your body, pressing soft kisses to you shoulders and neck as you push open the door to your bedroom. You strip down, changing into a large t shirt, letting Fyodor borrow something to change into. Something an ex left at your place, you decided not to tell him that. You both fell into the bed together, exchanging tired kisses in the dark. His body on top of yours, the weight of it heavy, you brought your hands to his sides pulling more of him on top of you. “For someone who hasn’t slept in days you have a lot of energy.” He mutters against your neck. You shutter.

“I want you so badly.” You say before you can stop yourself.

“Trakhni menya…” he groans softly, rolling off of you. You roll to face him, blushing and hot. “You have to sleep.” He says, his hands sliding around you to pull you into his chest. You settle in his arms, his heart beating steadily against your back. He presses a kiss to your shoulder. You close your eyes, listening to his steady breathing. How things escalated was beyond you but you’d never felt more comfortable in your damn life. He pulled a cover over the both of you, reaching to flick off the light. He brushed your hair back out of your face as you wondered what the hell you were going to do in the morning. Taking him back made your stomach twist. You realized for those 213 days you were looking for a reason to seek him out. That when an opportunity fell into your lap you grabbed and ran with it because despite everything you tried lying to yourself about, you wanted him badly enough to break him out of prison. You settled closer to him, sleep slowly tugging you deeper. You tangled in bed with Fyodor, his fingers playing with the ends of your hair.

One last thought formed before you were taken by sleep.

You weren’t taking him back. He was yours to keep now.

[thelunarsystemwrites]

Lunar's mental health. An update.

TW: bad mental health, EDs, depression, s/h, personal stuff, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, vent, self hate, heavy topics.

Sorry I haven't been posting!!

An update on me.

...Hi, you might know me as Lunar, or, TheLunarSystemWrites! I'm just an artist on here, trying to do things I like.... right?

Well, unfortunately, real life doesn't really... care. It doesn't care if I have friends to talk to, art to make, things I like to do.

I've been exhausted, physically and mentally. I've been busy working a lot in our home. (Painting, building, packing, inside work, cooking, etc) and it's always stressful... we're starting to get a little tight on money.

I've spent majority of my time in my bed. I don't wanna face my family members, so I've hidden away. It's hard to get up every day, and try to find the will to take care of myself.

I also recently relapsed with Bulimia, a disorder that, essentially means I throw up whatever I eat. I've been purging since September 16th, 2022. But I had awhile where I only purged once a day or none, but I'm back at it with full force. So my body doesn't have any energy left. I've also now lost my periods do to it.

I don't sleep well. It's much easier to stay up all night than waste my only free time sleeping. So I have no energy from sleeping well unless I sleep a whole day away, which makes me groggy.

Self harm is also something bothering me too, I'm too tired to do it and yet I keep doing it. Wasting precious spoons on it, I literally can't be clean for a whole year this year, that dream is dead. But, I am a few days clean as I type!

Suicidal and intrusive thoughts have been.... pesky. But I can't just leave my friends, plus I have prizes to make.

But, I'm unmotivated. I can't seem to write or draw anything. All my art is looking... regressed, to me. Everything is repetitive.

I've hated myself now more than ever in my life, I'm in a pretty bad place and I hate how self aware I am.

SPEAKING of regression! I have like, regression block. My brain isn't working with me, isn't regressing unless Involuntary. So my main coping mechanism is.... out of order.

I've been angry at the world, really pissy and moody. Tired, hungry, sad, then happy but not much. Numbness is a huge factor, I'm feeling depressed.

Not to mention, there's drama everywhere I look. This creator gets bullied, that one turns out to be disgusting. People get doxxed over opinions... it's constantly anxiety that I'll be wrongly accused, ridiculed, or abandoned. It's terrifying that people will go at each other's throats. It's exhausting to deal with it and be dragged into drama with problematic people.

Every day has been the same for me for the past 3 years. I'm tired, bored, understimulation controls me.

My friends are my lifeline right now.

I feel uncomfortable in my own body all the time, unsatisfied with my art, everything is essentially falling apart in my life.

Depression, anxiety... not a good mix to wake up disoriented and anxious, then gave zero spoons throughout the day. I'm not in a good home situation right now.

So... I kinda just... haven't been posting, role-playing, answering DMs, answering asks, etc...

I'm burnt out.

I feel like I'm a walking corpse.

Useless even.

I don't feel like myself anymore, I barely have the energy to talk to friends, every little bad things sets me back. I just can't bring myself to really engage much anymore.

So... sorry. I'm sorry, if I wasted your time. Or if this isn't like what you wanted to hear. I'm just not okay anymore, April was the last good month I had this year. APRIL.

I just wanted to update you all, there's a lot of other stuff I didn't share because it's nit important. I swear I'll get to the prizes eventually, I just ain't up to it right now. Might not be for awhile, apologies in advance!!

Hope you guys can understand, I might or might not be back to doing art, who knows. But I'll definitely get things done before that if I ever stopped. It just doesn't bring me joy, I used to hope I'd make an AU people cares about, and I've barely achieved that ^^"

Hope you're all well!! Stay safe, take care!! Remember to hydrate and to try eating if you can, you're spectacular!!!

Daily clicks!! ^^

Previous pinned post.

[emerxshiu]

FORGOTTEN LAND'S SECOND ANNIVERSARY :3

I AM SOOOO BACK

I started this drawing yesterday around afternoon and finished it just a few minutes earlier.

I went with a messier type of drawing instead of more clean like the elfilin one from yesterday, i find it fun doing it like this, mostly cause i dont have to worry about making it perfectly so i dont get as frustrated as normal. Id place this one as my second best digital drawing. im pretty sure i havent posted what i consider my best digital drawing here, tho i do have it in instagram, i might post it here one day, tho these two are way too tied up, i love how this came out, its not exactly like how i imagined it but its really close to it, and also itd say that since i dont tend to play around lighting that much, this was such a joy to draw and i cant help but stare at it a lot, at least until i start hating it because i made quite a lot of errors. i also changed my elfilis gijinka just a tad bit from last time, but its not that big of a difference, mostly.

ofc i had to draw elfilis for forgotten land's anniversary, i tend to deny it in my head but yeah they're my fave of the kirby characters even tho i hate them a bit. I wanted to draw some more doodles, like, elfilis eating cake, kirby car, a bunch of other stuff (not elfilin cuz i already drew him yesterday) but when i tried i couldnt draw anything more, guess this drawing burned me out a lot, huh?

you can definitly tell i spent all the efforts on him cuz if you look a bit closer to the bottom part you'll see its almost barely detailed, but i mean, they're the focus so make sense i guess for me not add that much detail there. um also, maybe because i dunno i had OVER 130 LAYERS jeez no wonder firealpaca was slowing down so much, i need to manage my layers better next time, tho i did do something i keep forgetting, wich is naming them (most of them at least) that was a real life saver

Also, antares (fecto elfilis' spear/cadaceus), as always, was a pain to draw, but this time its probably been draw the most accurate out of every other drawing ive made with it in it, i didnt notice it was like, a little curved when it reached the blade

some close ups since his face is a bit hard to see

silly :3

fun fact! actually, this is technically a redraw, somewhere around between february and march i started a fecto elfilis drawing for the first anniversary, but i couldnt finish it in time, and i never finished it

thats...quite the improvement! (i remember being so proud of it)

also his wings are like that cuz i did not want to draw the pattern, its way too hard, i literally copy pasted it, wait, i was talking about the 2024 version but i looked at the 2023 one and i just noticed it also has the pattern copy pasted, i guess some stuff never changes since i still abuse the ctrl+c ctrl+v to this day

Also i ended up making a huge error there, i was planing to add the phantom spears from orbital pulsar (the attack he does first when you battle them at lab discovera) but theres an innacuracy, when they do the attack, they always close their eyes, i had actually sketched him (well i mean both these drawings are basically the first sketch (2023) or second sketch(2024) with some color, shadows and lighting. i didnt do lineart in the 2024 one cuz i wanted to be a bit like the og i made (too bad i sketched that one with black since the og was sketched with white due to me drawing the bg first)) with his eyes closed but them decided to make them open for a reason i cant remember, maybe i thought itd look nicer? idk

ive had the idea of redrawing this for quite some month now so it was kinda already planned

background cuz i think it came out really pretty

doesnt have the little stars since without elfilis and the structures it looks fucked up. the actual sky in game is more blue, but the clouds have some orange, in the 2023 ver. i made the sky orange, and in the 2024 ver i wanted it more accurate, but i didnt wanna loose the orange sky, so i did a gradient. pretty...

also here's a screenshot i took when i was like halfway trough it, its barely noticeable but i changed his mouth in the final drawing

I really love katfl, like a buncha whole lot, its basically almost my first mainline kirby game. 100% the demo, finished the game in almost one day, i literally play it monthly, like, every month i put the card in my switch, start it up, get morpho sword, and go shred elfilis in lab discovera. i would probably not even be here on tumblr and the kirby fandom if it werent for it. and i love it so much i genuinly cannot express how much i like it and treasure it with words or anything

Thank you for reading my unnecesarily long rambles lol

I hope i'll post tomorrow and dont forget like usual

Jambuhbye!

[tea-and-secrets]

my secret is that i don't think i have a future. i'm turning 18 in a month, maybe by the time you post this ask i will already be 18 for a while, but well, im not there yet. i just finished high school kicking and screaming, literally thought i wouldn't survive it to the point i was considering ending it all several times, but i finished it. now what? now i know i have to go to uni but i also know i won't be able to make it through. i barely scraped by with high school and now my mental health is at an all time low (thought 2021 was my worst year but life is full of surprises) and if college is harder than high school like people say it is, then i'm just royally fucked. it does not help that i don't know who i want to be in life. i'm bilingual and have language skills, but if i study for a translator job then it's just like-- who even needs it? i live in russia. my country is in shambles and so is its economy and relationship with other countries. russia does not need a fucking translator because everybody hates it and for good reason. i can't imagine any future for myself here. when i was a kid it all seemed so clear to me, i would grow up and live with my best friend and be happy and have a job i love. now whenever i think of being grown up my mind just comes up blank. my best friend has probably forgotten that we ever wanted to live together, or they just left the idea behind because it was so childish and unrealistic. i feel like i've been drifting away from them as well as my entire friend group for the past 2 years. i'm autistic, so i just don't see the world the same way they do. i used to love being aroace before i realized it's distancing me from my friends, because now they all have partners or they're yearning for partners or talking about all the sex they've had and i just have nothing to add to the conversation. i don't smoke or drink, so i guess now i'm just not as interesting to hang out with as when we were all 15 and sober. so yeah. i guess i just dont know what im going to do or what's going to happen to me. i've spent the last few years feeling more and more isolated and sinking into depression. if i get into college, i don't know what it's going to do to me, but it makes me fear for my life. if i don't get into it, then i dont know what im going to do at all. maybe my real secret is that i was put on this earth to draw gay people and not like, have a life and relationships. oh well.

.

[hotmandrivefast]

immediately ran to your blog and clicked #myart and actually crumbled into raw dust particles when there was nothing else but the winner's room post.

and then i saw it again and my body was immediately rebuilt into a higher being because holy HECK, it's AMAZING. god it makes my brain scroll with words and tenderness the way charles's head is tucked into max's neck, hand in his hair.... wrapped around him SO much. so INCREDIBLY, SUBTLY EXPLICIT, literally just charles' bare knees, the squinty hinty of a naked thigh, oh my GOD. is max holding his legs up, open to interpretation, im absolutely obsessed. the lack of facial expressions too? because their faces are just pressed into each other, like,. GAH, oh it's just. chef's kiss. 🤌🤌🤌

Oh my what a lovely compliment to receive 😳😳

I’ve been mostly lurking these past few months debating whether to start drawing n posting for these two but unfortunately the brainrot was too strong, I’ll be drawing more soon!

I love the concept of winners room hehe did they get caught? Or did max just not bother closing the door..

Either way they’re having a great time right now 🥰🤭

[northstarco]

─── I CAN'T SEE THE STARS HERE

⟡﹐ꊞ inside niko's phone !

⟡﹐ꊞ similarly to most of us, niko is absolutely chained to his phone, but in the most ironic way possible, is also pretty chronically offline. he hasn't gone through many phones in his lifetime, mostly because he doesn't change his phone until it's hanging on it's last breath and can no longer charge. for almost five years straight he had the same iphone 10, then the screen broke forever, which finally pushed him in the direction of getting a new phone (much to the dismay of taeyong, who had been nagging him to get a new phone since the first few cracks started showing). ever since the death of his former phone in late 2021, he got the iphone 11 pro and has stuck with it for the past three years, somehow without cracks appearing on the screen.. but it probably won't take long for that to be the case. jungwoo has already dropped it a handful of times, and considering niko's track record, the phone will barely be functioning in weeks time.

a thing that is synonymous with every phone case niko has had is the stars he draws onto them with sharpie all the time. he gets a clear phone case, grabs a sharpie, and doodles everything of interest. he pairs the tiny drawings with the endless stickers he collects (or the ones his friends from back home send, he has a bunch he still hasn't used). there's a barrage of stars, cats, hearts, and planets you can make out on niko's phone case. just like phones, he usually never switches phone cases, it's just until he wants to do something else and there's no more space on his see through phone case. still, his phone cases usually stay the same for up to a year or sometimes even more, he doesn't really get bored by them.

another thing that is very consistent with niko's phone is his lock and homescreen, it's just susi. sometimes it changes, sometimes he has a mood flip and his lockscreen will become an old photo his mom took back in 2009, but usually, it's susi. it's not unknown that niko is pretty obsessed with his cat, 'a little too obsessed' is what johnny says whenever he taps the other's phone to check the time and comes face to face with a feline. even when he does change his lock or homescreen, it's simply another picture of susi, maybe a small sight of his finger in the photo, but that's it, nothing too interesting. the inside of his phone is a mess, but it's also sort of organized in a sense.. his apps are all in a very specific place that he placed for a reason, and if they aren't, he will literally go insane. while he purposefully avoids certain apps, he has an insane amount of hours on all those app games. namely stardew valley, solitaire (because no one plays card games in real life anymore), and shattered pixel dungeon. he is not that difficult to entertain, especially in the mobile game department.

social media.. well that's definitely something. niko is pretty inactive, especially on instagram, which is something people have learned to get used to over the years. it's actually a miracle whenever niko posts on instagram, but even then, nctzens are just concerned if he's alive or not. he pops in every few comebacks to remind people that he is in fact, not dead! just forgot his password and didn't bother to try changing it. he often deletes instagram every few months because it takes up storage (which is often due to the shitload of photos he refuses to delete), but then he suddenly has an epiphany and redownloads the app, just to again abandon it until he finds something abrupt to post. he is regularly active on bubble, but even then it's nctzens making sure he's alive and him reminding them that he's barely hanging on! when niko does post on instagram, it's almost always a photo of him and susi, or some of his non idol friends, or just photos of himself he really likes, sometimes he just posts a photo of what his shirt says and calls it a day. there's an abundant lack of selfies on his instagram, most of the photos of him taken being credited to kihyun or one of his other friends.

his camera roll is pretty on par for what you might think, there are just so many fucking photos on there that it's a wonder the guy is so inactive on instagram. there are photos of susi, himself, random pictures he took of doyoung that he did not delete! but the older doesn't have to know that.., his shirts with random catchphrases, and a collection of selfies kihyun took when he left his phone unattended while the younger was in the room (photos he did not delete in fear of having to face constant whines from the vocalist). his gallery is huge, sometimes he just takes pictures of things he finds aesthetically pleasing, and simply doesn't delete them. he has never really been interested in photography as a hobby, he just loves taking random photos of things (and by proxy people) that he finds interesting. it's really a strange case because you'll see a photo that seems completely normal then suddenly there's a random photo of vernon in the mix, just don't question him on it, he doesn't really want to explain the lengths his photo gallery goes.

 ✰ the photo gallery , recents

to sum this all up, niko's phone is just everything that makes up his personality. it's not as aesthetically pleasing, no, but it's simply so.. niko. with a gallery that spans so many photos it should actually be illegal, his social media apps pretty much collecting dust, the astounding hours he spends playing card games (games he definitely does not find entertaining please believe him), it's safe to say that it's a mess, but just like niko's own room, as is with many aspects of his life, it's a mess that perfectly exemplifies everything about him.

[invinciblerodent]

... so does anyone have any clue on how undeath is supposed to affect elven souls?

Because I have been building my own elf character, and thinking about this a lot, and it's a thought that just will not leave me (hard not to think about this with an Astarion romance), so it's time for another one of my navel-gazey thinkpieces i guess lol.

Like, my main source is Mordekainen's Tome of Foes, and that book states clearly that elven souls are immortal. Their numbers are more or less fixed, or rather "capped" (that's why they haven't "outbred" every other race even with their long lifespans), and each elf currently living is the reincarnation of an elven soul that's already been to Arvandor (their afterlife) at some point, and then returned in a new body. That's why they have such few children: because a birth is as much a joy as it is a sorrow. It's both the arrival of a new life, and the death of another- either decades, centuries, millenia past, or as soon as barely a few months ago.

As a quick and dirty run-down for those who don't really want to wade into the lore (I don't blame you, it's murky in there), early in their lives and when they are nearing death are the times when elves are most intimately connected to their previous lives, and in their sleep-trance (their "Reverie"), these individuals can call upon memories of those past lives. The young elves relive exclusively the experiences and adventures of their immortal soul until their second or third decade- then, slowly, those memories become interspersed with those from their current life (the First Reflection, the first time that happens, marks the start of their "adolescence" of the mind essentially- they are physically fully mature by then), until roughly the end of their first century, which is when their access to these primal memories is cut off. From that point forward, the elf loses access to their previous lives. This is called the Drawing of the Veil, and from that point forward, the elf may only relive events from their current life in their trance, right until they start nearing the end of their natural lifespans some 600 years later.

This is all fairly clear in the case of a living elf.

But what happens if that immortal elven soul, that's so intimately interconnected with the afterlife and the very passage of time, finds itself suddenly housed in an undead, unaging, immortal body? How does that change things?

It's got to change things, no?

Like this is such a specific thing, I don't believe specifically elven intelligent undead (that is also a protagonist about whose soul we are supposed to care) has been written about super extensively in the sourcebooks, but my guess personally is that the moment of undeath, it... severs the bond of the soul to Arvandor. This is not unrealistic, as that bond can break for many reasons: Drow for one are never invited back and die true deaths with no way to be reincarnated, and so do elves who have turned to gods outside of the Seldarine. (.... that also means that, with the drow's propensity for casual murder, the number of elven souls available for rebirth is in a constant and steep decline, but that's a whole other thing.) (I've no clue what this means for the Seldarine drow. I wanna say that they can gain admission back, but that's just me being an optimist, I've no recollection of a source literally confirming or denying that.)

This loss of the primal memories, it's said to be a traumatic experience in itself, even if it comes naturally, as just part of the elven life cycle, and it coming on the heels of such a profound upheaval of one's life (such as being turned into a vampire), it may just be the least of the person's worries... but it would explain some things in a way that goes beyond the traumatic experiences of Astarion's current life.

If that moment of being cut off were to happen before the elf would naturally lose their ability to access primal memories, I assume that they would... be forced to more or less "grow up" (at the lack of a better term) in an instant. And to be denied roughly half the time you would have otherwise had for regaining experiences and memories from your past lives, it's got to leave one a bit... emotionally stunted, when compared to a living elf of a similar age, who had time to go through their natural life cycle as one should.

(Which, it's not a huge reveal that I believe our guy to be emotionally immature, and a bit stunted in his emotional growth. That's, like, clear, and I don't mean to say anything to the effect of "ooooh, he was so youuuung, still an uwu baaaaby---" no, we're unequivocally talking about a fully grown, adult man lol, but specifically in the case of how this all relates to this weird trait of elves, it's still interesting to think about this odd dissonance that... may very well exist between a living- and an undead elf.)

Hell, my personal little theory is that elven intelligent undead (like vampires, who do retain a soul within their bodies) specifically, while they do go into a trance and have dreams/nightmares/memories of their current lives, may just even lose the ability to recall events from their pre-undeath life (beyond conventional memory, meaning that they can't strengthen those memories and are bound to eventually forget them) as well, as evidenced by Astarion not remembering his own face, or what color his eyes were once. (You can't tell me that while he was alive, he didn't spend a shitton of time looking at his own face. If he could relive pre-undeath memories, he'd know these things, or would be able to recall them if he wished.)

There would be something... strangely tragic, in this kind of isolation, for an elf. By becoming a vampire, you'd become undead first, and an elf.... somewhere way, way, way down the line.

As a fairly young undead elf, you're somehow simultaneously ancient, adolescent, and middle-aged, and also pretty much confined to a singular existence of nothing but pain and abuse, with memories of a distant childhood slowly fading just out of reach, knowing that... this, this is just your soul's lot now. That a significant part of your fey heritage, your very ancestry as well as part of your immutable essence, has been torn from you in just one moment, in exchange for preserving this current life, as a simulacrum of itself. And now there is no next life, because this one is one without a natural end, and Sehanine Moonbow will now never invite your immortal soul back to Arvandor to be reborn, because it's been cut off from you, and your very body is holding you hostage. Six, sixteen, or sixty centuries can come to pass, and still nothing is going to change... unless you die, in which case you're just dead, like any non-elven creature.

Anyway, there's no real point to this, or a conclusion to be drawn, beyond just... fuck, man, they couldn't have made this fucker more of a tragic figure if they tried.

(...... Fun fact, Silvanus is not part of the Seldarine. So unless he maybe turns to worship Rillifane Rallathil instead, Halsin's soul would not be reincarnated either. But he seems to have made that decision himself and he seems content, so I'm guessing he's just cool with it.)

(I'm not fucking touching half-elves now, you can't make me, that's such a fucking can of worms oh my god)

[bropunzeling]

I would love to be a fic where Brady absolutely crushes Quinn's (or Timmy's) heart - not on purpose, exactly, he means well, he probably tried to be nice, but winds up destroying whichever little guy is so enamored with him anyway - and only way later, after they've become more distant, does he realize just how much he hurt his friend and also that he might want that now.

anon what a great day you have brought this to me, because it's a day where i literally tweeted about brady needing a midlife crisis and i stand by that!

i think to me, this could work really well as something where like, quinn had a crush on brady when they were in the program, and wasn't good at not letting it show (who is at 16???) and it's not like brady was mean! he wasn't! but maybe he was a little obvious about his girlfriends. maybe he tried to let quinn down gently, and it embarrassed quinn anyway. maybe they've spent years and years not talking about it. it's fine. quinn was in brady's wedding. quinn called brady about getting the c. yeah, okay, maybe it's harder to say that as they get older, as quinn's team gets better and brady's gets worse, as the weekly facetime calls become monthly, but brady still calls quinn his best friend.

and then brady is older. a lot closer to 30. he's starting to think about what free agency might look like, what playing for a team that might win someday could feel like. he's tired of losing. he and his wife keeps talking about separating for a little while, until things get better. then it all falls apart in what feels like seconds: he's been traded to vancouver. she's not gonna move when he does.

and it's weird to be in vancouver-- be on a team where he doesn't have to be the first leader, where all the weight doesn't fall on him. weird to play with new teammates, weird to find a new place to leave. weird to be around quinn all the time-- so much like how brady remembers. so different, too. he's his own person, has grown when brady wasn't looking. and he's being really kind about -- all of it, really. letting brady come over and bother him because brady can't stand to be by himself right now. letting brady make plans. letting brady barge into his hotel room to talk -- about stupid shit, yeah, but also the divorce. real shit. brady knows he’s imposing but can't bring himself to stop.

and then during one road trip a few months in, brady looks at quinn in the yellow lamp light, stares at his greasy hair and his curved nose as he talks about how he wants to draw the new call-up out of his shell, could brady help maybe--

out of the blue, brady realizes that he could kiss quinn. not only that -- he wants to kiss quinn.

brady's managed, barely, to roll with the punches over the past few months. he's not sure how to roll with this one.

[ex-king-sombra]

This is gonna be a long post, so a tl;dr will be on the bottom, in bold.

My interest in this didn't even wane, I've been daydreaming about it semi-frequently.

Issue is: My mom's chronically ill, and up until tomorrow, I have been her only reliable caretaker around! For a while, her issues were worsening, leaving me much too drained to do artwork. By the end of last week, I had her promise to go to the hospital, because she'd been having nonstop seizures.

She has non-epileptic seizures, and one of the main triggers is stress, and it turns out her body had been freaking the fuck out, because she has a pulmonary embolism (don't worry, it's a small clot that'll clear with blood-thinners,) and pneumonia (her oxygen levels are fine.)

Anyway, it's been very much obviously, and she's finally going to my cousin's house to finish up paperwork and other things she's gotta do in a less stressful place.

There's also gonna be a lot of "figuring things out", because needless to say, I'm not exactly equipped to handle this sort of thing. These past few months have been more taxing than usual.

UHHH my point is, though, things are finally looking up! I have a lot of motivation for this blog, but I was too fatigued to draw almost anything at all. I barely managed to force myself to finish a singular comic page for a comic I literally pay for a domain name over.

SO! Hopefully, now that I have time to actually have an uninterrupted break without setbacks (assuming nothing suddenly changes tomorrow,) I will finally, FINALLY, FINALLY get back to updating this blog! I've really been wanting to.

tl;dr: I made a post saying I was regaining interest, and I've maintained that interest, but my mom's medical issues (as well as me being her only responsible caretaker,) left me too drained to draw for a while. Hopefully, now that we're trying to fix these issues, I can work up the energy to actually do things. Thanks for your patience, and not just writing the blog off as "dead"!

[kickinganddriving]

Somebody Else

Notes: Requested by @starry-night-reid. I MISS PULI SO MUCH

paring: Christian Pulisic x reader

Song suggestion: Somebody Else- The 1975

Warnings: Swearing, super minor mentions of smutty things, sad christian

wc:1.4k

pt 2

I don't want your body

But I hate to think about you with somebody else

Our love has gone cold

You're intertwining your soul with somebody else

I'm looking through you

While you're looking through your phone

And then leaving with somebody else

No, I don't want your body

But I'm picturing your body with somebody else

It was a random Tuesday morning, the sun beaming through the windows of Christian’s apartment, at the moment he was mindlessly scrolling through instagram, in passing he saw a familiar face. He scrolls up and see’s your face, with another man kissing your cheek. The minute he could process what was going on in the photo, he felt a deep seed of jealousy plant itself in his stomach. His eyes fixate on the location tag on the post, London UK.

You and Christian broke up almost a year ago, but it had seemed that you had moved on faster than him. While you were dating, you weren’t just a piece of arm candy, you were his best friend, and with the break up Christian lost too much in one person. You dated for 2 1/2 years and it was the last time Christian felt truly happy, but he broke up with you. You got you an offer from your dream job, but it was back in the states. All he ever wanted was for you to be truly happy, which later bit him right in the ass. You worked there for around 7 months before they opened an office near London, and you chose to move back. Out of fear that he already met someone else or moved on, he was never told of your arrival.

5 months later you found yourself seeing a nice man, around the same age, who lives in your apartment complex. He has nice dark eyes, brown curly hair, and... god dammit, he’s like the Walmart Christian. He was a nice man, you could see yourself living a life with him. Would there be something missing, yes, but you could try to move past that. 

But for Christian, the past year had been absolute hell for him. He kept on getting injured, went to the world cup, but got taken out too early for his liking, and the one person he could always go to wasn’t his to go to anymore. The instagram post didn’t make it any better, not at all. While he was scrolling through your page, he saw one of the photos he took off you, it was his favorite photo. So entranced in the picture in front of him, he mindlessly liked it. Realizing what he did, he looked at the post date, 1 year ago. He fucked up.

And c'mon baby (I know)

This ain't the last time that I'll see your face

And c'mon baby (I know)

You said you'd find someone to take my place

After spending almost the entire 3 days wallowing in his room, barely responding to Mason or Ben’s texts and calls, the pair made it a point to get Christian out of the house and into a club. The guys thought clubs could fix almost any problem because it contained the holy trinity, music, alcohol, and girls. After quite literally dragging Christian out of his home, he found himself perched on a barstool, nursing a beer that was once cold, looking depressed as shit.

But guess where your now boyfriend wanted to go tonight, just guess? The same as the club that Ben and Mason had to choose. When you walked in the club you instantly recognized the face of one Mason Mount, but in trying not to draw too much attention to yourself, you just scurried off to a booth and waited for your boyfriend to come back with drinks. After a few drinks you found your way to the dance floor, trying to have a good time, but guess who else you saw, Benjamin James Chilwell. After a second of awkward eye contact, your boyfriend hobbled off to the bathroom, after he escorted you to the bar. 

After you told the order to the bartender, you heard a voice, a clear, distinct, and familiar voice. A voice that gave you the chills from miles away. 

“Your drink order still hasn’t changed” 

You turn your head to catch a glimpse of the person talking to you, Christian Fucking Mate Pulisic. He looked exhausted, not long after training exhausted, but mental torment exhausted. Your natural instinct was to give him the biggest hug and a kiss on the cheek, but you restrained.

“Christian” his name was the only thing you could say. Paralyzed with emotion, you couldn’t move, think, or barely speak. His name, something you’ve said countless numbers of times, moaning it like a prayer, sleepily whispering under your breath, saying it with the largest smile on your face, or the last time you said it to him when you kissed him for the last time as he dropped you off at the airport. 

“Yes jellybean?” You were nearly crying after he called you “jellybean”. Nobody has called you that in a year, but Christian always called you jellybean, because of your weird childhood obsession with them.

“I didn’t mean for you to find out this way.” You said trying to find a way to try to make the entire situation better.

“To find out that you came back to London, or that you are dating someone else?” Christian says with an ounce of disbelief in his tone.

“Both” You nervously whimper, trying not to say something that could ruin the entire night even more.

“Who is he anyway? He looks looks me, but from fucking Walmart.” You missed his sense of blatant honesty and sarcasm when he had an ounce of alcohol in his system.

“You mean Sam? You innocently exclaim.

“Fucking Sam” He exasperatedly says after taking a swig oof his lukewarm beer.

“We should really talk sometime soon Chris”

Get someone you love

Get someone you need?

Fuck that, get money

I can't give you my soul

'Cause we're never alone

It had been a week since that night at the bar, and he could think about you. He had finally had enough, so after using a few favors he figured out where you lived. Being the stupid, lovesick, idiot he was, he didn’t think of taking an Uber, or driving himself to your apartment, no, he had to run in the rain without a jacket halfway across London.

It was a regular Friday evening, Sam was coming over with pizza in an hour, and you were peacefully on the couch watching Friends and a comfy set of lingerie and a short and pink silk night dress. You heard the doorbell ring, but you were not expecting anyone yet, so you went and opened the door. Behind the door revealed a drenched Christian.

“Christian what are you doing here?” You say with a slight chuckle.

“I love you, I love you so much” Christian holds and caresses your jawline with his cold hands as he pronounces his affection for you.

“Christian I-” He suddenly kissed you, it was not your first kiss, but it made it feel like it was your first kiss. The way you got butterflies in your stomach, something you haven’t felt in a while. Kissing him back, everything felt perfect, like the world was at peace and everything was perfect.

“Before you even mention Sam, I love you, and I don’t know why I let you go, and you just look so fucking beautiful right now, and I miss everything about you, jellybean” He says it so fast you almost couldn’t comprehend what he was saying.

“I love you too.” Right after the words left your lips, you were suddenly on his lips. Slowly backing up as he kicks the door closes and pushes your back up against the wall. Your lips move in perfect synchronization, as he takes your legs and wraps them around his waist so he has control of your mobility.

“Where’s your bedroom?” Christian manages to slip past his lips in midst of your kissing.

“Third door on the left” He carried you down the hallway into your room and slowly dropped you on the bed and he leaned over to continue kissing you. But then you both heard the find of the doorbell and a faint call.

“Babe open the door before the pizza gets cold” You then remembered about Sam.

“Oh shit”

[somber-sapphic]

As You Wish

〖Notes: Wow, this should've been done days ago but my period is kicking my ass. Not going to lie I write this purely because it made me feel a little better. ALSO, LENA'S FAVORITE MOVIE BEING 'TITANIC' IS CANON, DON'T COME FOR ME :,)〗

〖Summary: Lena is really bad at being sick.〗

〖Word Count: 3.9k (I maybe went overboard)〗

〖Pairing: Kara x Sick Lena〗

☾Masterlists☽

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Kara bounced over to Lena’s office with a grin on her face and a box of donuts in her hands. It had been months since she had been able to see her best friend what with the overwhelming number of alien attacks on National City and Lena fighting to prove that she was worthy of respect through meeting after painstaking meeting.

But finally, the brunette had a free fifteen minutes and the Kryptonian (while still on call) managed to get the day off both from CatCo and from Supergirl-ing. Both women had been working themselves to the bone for the past several weeks and hadn’t had a whole lot of time to catch up.

Kara had decided that since she knew they both had a bit of time, she would surprise her friend with sugary treats and gossip. She had caught two of her coworkers hooking up in the copier room and was dying to tell someone besides Alex.

The biochemist turned alien hunter hadn’t particularly cared about the workplace drama, she was more focused on not dying. In hindsight, perhaps she shouldn’t have brought it up during an attack, but when wasn’t there an attack lately?

Sometimes she felt as if her presence in the city did more harm than good. Sure, she protected the citizens from danger, but she also knew that she had a large role in drawing potentially dangerous aliens and groups to them.

Shoving the unwelcome thought aside Kara rapped softly on the door to Lena’s office, butterflies in her stomach. She had had a minor crush on the other woman since they had first met but decided to keep her unrequited love to herself. There was no need to ruin such a wonderful friendship over a silly crush.

“Come in,” The rasp that came from the other side of the door could not be called a voice and it made Kara’s heart jump. She’d only ever been sick once before, but she knew what sick people sounded like. Alex had gotten a cold a few months ago and she had sounded as if she had a literal frog stuck in her throat.

She opened the door and poked her head in, a frown crossing her face at the sight before her. Lena was sitting on her couch, laptop on the table in front of her, her shirt and pants rumpled. She was surrounded by used tissues, and an empty box sitting beside her laptop. She was hunched over typing away, shivering violently as her fingers danced across the keys.

“Hey, Kara.” She mumbled, barely glancing up from the screen. Her brilliant green eyes were glassy with fever, and she was sniffling every few seconds, taking a break from her computer only to wipe her nose on her damp sleeve. There was a sheen of sweat on her forehead and her typically immaculate hair was a mess, wispy pieces plastered against her damp skin.

“Oh Lena, you look awful.” The superhero breathed, rushing to her side. She cleared aside a spot on the coffee table and put the box of sugary treats down, her full attention now on assessing Lena’s illness. She didn’t know much about human illness, but this was probably bad.

The blonde slipped her palm over the CEO’s forehead, her frown deepening at the heat rising off of her skin. Lena pushed her away halfheartedly, not looking away from the email that she was writing. It was long, at least five paragraphs, and she was still working going. Kara hadn’t exactly read over her shoulder, but she had seen a few clauses and it was clearly not a friendly message.

“What’s this?” She asked softly, deciding that she should be a little bit worried. The way it was worded sounded almost like Lena was in a battle for her life. The blonde saw tears fill the other woman’s eyes, but she shook her head quickly taking a quick gasp of air.

“N-nothing, just some stuff with Edge. It’s fine. You brought donuts?” The millionaire sniffled, biting her chapped lip. She leaned over and opened the box, peering at the pastries with eyes filled with disinterest. She was simply trying to draw attention away from whatever was going on with the Edge and from her obvious sickness.

“Don’t try to distract me with food. You are sick. Come on, I’m taking you home.” Kara replied, pulling the conversation back on track. They could unpack the issues with Edge later, what was most important was nursing Lena back to health.

“I’m fine Kar, it’s nothing. So, how have you been?” Her argument would’ve been more convincing had it not been for the slight chatter of her teeth and the congestion muddling her words. Her eyes were dull, and her nose was running slightly, it didn’t seem like she noticed.

“Y-you got,” Kara gestured to her own nose, a pang of sympathy racing through her heart. It made her sad to see this wonderful, amazing woman in this state of physical discomfort and she felt so powerless to help. Literal superpowers are no good when you can’t help the people you love.

Lena’s cheeks flushed darker, and she reached for a tissue, her mouth dropping open slightly when she realized that there were none. With a grimace on her face, she brought her sleep up to her dripping appendage and wiped it clean, looking embarrassed.

“’m so sorry about this, my allergies have been—”

“Lena, honey, you’re sick. Let me take you home, I’ll pick up some soup from Noonan’s, we can watch Titanic and you can get some rest. Come on, you aren’t well enough to work right now. You’ve gotta give that big brain of yours a rest.” Kara murmured, the pet name slipping out without her approval. Thankfully, Lena didn’t seem to notice, she was too preoccupied with not crying.

“I appreciate that you care, I really do, but I can’t leave. I have a meeting in five minutes and another right after that. Then there’s the opening of the psych wing at the hospital which I have to be there for.” The brunette broke into a fit of coughing and even without using her super hearing, Kara could hear the crackling in her lungs. That was bad.

“No, you don’t. I’ll have Jess cancel your meetings and someone will go for you to the ward opening at the hospital. They’ll understand, they probably won’t want you there anyway, sickie.” The reporter teased gently, nudging her with an elbow. Lena sniffled pitifully and looked up with teary eyes, a tiny smile appearing on her badly cracked lips.

“Kara, I can’t, thank you for the donuts but you need to go, I have to set up for my meeting.” Damnit, Kara thought she had it with that one. But no, there was no way that the genius was going down without a fight, even if the fight was simply the same thing back and forth.

“Lena Kieran Luthor, I know that you are a busy woman, but right now you need to rest. You need to sleep this off. Just let me help you, please.” Begging. She had resorted to begging. And it worked! Kara watched Lena’s crumbling resolve break as the woman hunched over, hanging her head in regret and shame.

“Okay. Just let me get my things.” She mumbled, sounding defeated. Kara smiled and squeezed her elbow, offering silent comfort.

“Let me take care of it. Can you stand?” The blonde asked, grabbing the waste basket so that she could dispose of the sea of tissues surrounding the CEO. Lena nodded, but didn’t move, just sat there, and stared at her computer, eyes unfocused.

Kara just continued to gather her things, cleaning up the office a bit so that it wouldn’t be an utter disaster when the brunette returned to work. When she was done, she put a hand on Lena’s shoulder, prompting the woman to look up.

“Come on Le, let’s get you home.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Kara absolutely hated cars. They were cramped, too slow, and smelled like other people. If she had a choice, she would have just flown Lena back to her penthouse, but that may have given away the fact that she was an alien superhero who occasionally prevented the city/world from being blown up or overrun. Just maybe.

She had complained under her breath the entire time, pointing out the safety issues while Lena listened dutifully listened, nodding along with the woman’s ridiculous critiques of her very safe vehicle.

The ride back to the penthouse was only twenty minutes, but they were some of the longest twenty minutes of Kara’s life. This was saying a lot considering that she was trapped in the phantom zone for 24 years. At least then she had been comfortably unconscious, unable to consider how terrifying her situation was. She vowed never to enter a vehicle again without her powers. It was far too dangerous.

“Do you think you can walk?” The blonde asked, helping her shivering maybe crush out of the back of the moderately sized limo. Lena nodded silently and stumbled out, a soft groan escaping her lips as her head spun in protest.

“Woah, easy. Come here you, it’s okay.” Kara murmured, wrapping an arm around the brunette’s waist. She looked momentarily shocked but settled into the helpful half embrace. With the woman’s support, they made it inside and Lena found herself realizing just how weak she was. They had walked maybe twenty feet to get over to the elevator and she was panting, her head swimming with exhaustion and fever.

“S’out of order?” The CEO practically whimpered, dread crossing her face. Tears had already started to well up in her eyes while any hope that she had left her. There was no way that she could make it up all of those stairs, even with Kara’s assistance. She already felt like she would pass out if she stood for too much longer.

“Um…do, do you want me to carry you?” Kara asked, sounding a bit flustered. Her cheeks were pink with embarrassment, and she was doing her best to hide the humiliation. As miserable as she looked, Lena was undeniably adorable with that little pout on her lips and those big, beautiful emerald-green eyes.

No, bad Kara. She’s sick, she’s confused, and most important of all she’s your best friend.

“I, Kara…are you…,” Lena paused to look into the blonde’s big blue eyes and felt herself relax. Kara was just so incredibly kind, gentle, and willing to do anything to take care of her loved ones. She sniffled pitifully and nodded, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Um…y-yes please.” She whispered, knowing that there was really nothing else that she could do. She wouldn’t be walking, and it wasn’t like she could sleep in the lobby. This was the only choice that she had.

Kara slipped her bag over her shoulder and very carefully eased Lena into her arms, holding the brunette in a bridal carry. She was alarmed by just how light her friend was, sure she had superpowers, but she made a mental note to remind Lena to eat on a more regular basis. The woman tended to get so caught up in her work that she forgot to practice basic self-care.

The blonde held her breath as she carried Lena up the stairs, feeling every bounce of the CEO’s head against her chest, every small shift in her arms, hearing the way her heartbeat slowed to a reasonable pace as soon as she was settled in her arms. This was all that Kara wanted. She wanted to hold Lena for the rest of her life, she wanted to make her feel safe and protect her from harm.

Lena had all but fallen asleep when they reached the penthouse, nuzzled close to her best friend’s chest and subconsciously trying to get even closer. Kara switched most of the raven-haired woman’s weight to one of her arms as she fiddled with the doorknob, fully expecting to find it locked. A spike of worry dashed through her heart when she found it open.

“Sweetie, do you remember if you locked the door this morning?” She murmured, feeling guilty about waking the woman from what was probably the first nap she’d had in weeks. Lena shook her head slightly, indicating that no, she had not in fact locked her door.

Kara hummed her disapproval but decided that she would save her nagging about safety later. There were so many people out there who wanted to hurt her, she knew better than to leave her door open like that.

Kara sighed quietly and carried the woman inside, her mind racing. Getting her home had been the easy part. Being one who practically never got sick, the blonde wasn’t exactly sure how to help. She didn’t entirely remember what an acceptable human temperature was (somewhere in the 90’s she was pretty sure) and everything she knew about being sick had come from watching Alex as a kid. The worst had been when Alex got chickenpox, the woman had been an absolute nightmare to deal with.

“Okay Le, I’m going to put you down in bed, is that okay?” Lena hummed her assent and Kara very gently set her down on the lavish bed. She then began to remove the brunette’s shoes, figuring that the high heels were absolutely killing her.

“Kara, what are you doing? You can go. I’ll be fine.” The sleepy woman mumbled, her voice a whispery rasp. Every breath crackled in Kara’s ears, a sound that was definitely not supposed to be there. She was beginning to wonder if she should call her sister, she had no clue how to help.

“Not a chance. I’m pretty sure you’ll die if I leave you alone.” The blonde teased, getting a little whine from the sick brunette. She sounded so incredibly pitiful, it broke Kara’s heart a bit. She moved to sit beside her best friend and brushed a few pieces of hair behind her ear, pausing a moment to lay her hand against the woman’s hot forehead. First things first though- Lena needed to get out of her work clothes.

“Can I get you something to wear?” The brunette hummed again, curling in a fetal position on top of the blankets. Kara knew that she needed to work fast, the last thing that she wanted was to need to wake the woman again.

She rifled (carefully) through Lena’s drawers until she found an old, clearly loved MIT sweatshirt. It was so worn that the letters had started to come off, but it was still readable. Kara smiled slightly and set it down on the bed before pulling out a pair of comfy-looking sweatpants.

“Can you change into these for me?” Kara asked, moving to squeeze Lena’s shoulder. With a grunt, she sat up and reached for the articles of clothing, pulling her shirt off before the startled superhero could make it out of the room.

Kara whirled around and closed her eyes, her cheeks flushed bright red with embarrassment. The brunette didn’t even seem to realize what she was doing to her friend and just continued to change, looking at the back of Kara’s head when she was done.

“This is my favorite sweater. I always wear it when I don’t feel good. How’d you know?” She mumbled, sounding dazed and tired. The blonde turned back around and smiled, sitting down beside the sick woman.

“You clearly love it. It looks soft.” That statement seemed to set something off in Lena. Tears welled up in her fever-glazed eyes and she buried her head in her hands as she started to cry. Panic set into Kara’s chest and she sat down on the bed, wringing her hands as she tried to figure out what to do.

“Hey, Lena what’s wrong?” she asked gently, reaching over to put a hand on the woman’s knee. Lena continued to cry into her hands, shaking her head as she tried to stifle her sobs. Her breaths were coming in quick, painful gasps and she was quite literally choking on her tears, coughing hard as she cried.

Taking a risk, the blonde moved right beside her and wrapped an arm around the sobbing woman’s waist, thinking back to the only other time that she’d seen Lena cry. They had sat together for hours, Kara silently holding the brunette as she just let it all out.

Without hesitation the ill genius pressed against her friend’s side, turning her head into Kara’s shoulder.

“What happened? What’s wrong?” She tried again, patting Lena’s back gently to help loosen some of the congestion that seemed to have settled into her lungs.

“N-no one’s ever c-cared this much before.” The brunette managed through her coughs, reaching up to grab a fistful of Kara’s shirt. Her heart absolutely shattered, the alien hugged her tight, pressing her nose against Lena’s hairline. She didn’t mind the snot or the tears, all that mattered was making the woman she loved, maybe, kinda, that was not important, feel like someone was there for her.

“Oh Rao, Lena. I’m right here. I’ve got you, I’m here. I care, I promise that I do. We’re going to get you feel better, okay? I’ve got you.” She soothed, beginning to rock Lena in her arms. She shoved off the tangle of blankets and situated herself so that she had the beautiful brunette positioned in her lap.

She continued to talk softly to the distressed woman, saying absolutely nothing in her words. She just promised safety and love, relaxing as Lena’s breathing calmed and her heartbeat slowed. The loud, gut-wrenching sobs turned to weak, congested hiccups. It took probably twenty minutes, but the CEO finally went from awake and dysregulated to sniffing in her sleep, still curled up in Kara’s lap.

They stayed like that for a while, Kara simply didn’t have the heart to move her even long after she’d gotten bored. If she’d had her laptop on her, she probably could’ve gotten some editing done, but she just couldn’t risk waking the sick woman. All that she wanted was to help Lena get better. If that meant sitting in an uncomfortable position for a few hours, it would be okay.

After another twenty minutes, the brunette was still fast asleep. Kara very gently eased her back down onto the covers, halting when she heard a tiny whimper from the sick woman. She waited another few seconds before continuing to set her down, smiling when Lena was fully curled up against the covers.

The blonde slipped out of the room and grabbed a blanket from the couch, returning to drape it over her sick friend. They would worry about getting her under the duvet later, for now, that would do. She then grabbed her phone and texted her sister.

           Kara: Lena’s sick and I don’t know what to do.

           Alex: Sick? What kind of sick? I need some more details here Kar.

Kara huffed her frustration and turned to the wheezing brunette as she thought of a response.

           Kara: I don’t know! She feels really hot, she’s coughing, sneezing, she looks awful. Just help me!

           Alex: Okay, breathe. It sounds like she just has the flu. Give her some fluids, and have her take medicine, but most importantly she needs sleep. She’ll be fine.

           Kara: What kind of medicine?

She could practically hear Alex sighing over the phone. She knew that her sister was busy, but this was incredibly important.

           Alex: Look, see what she has in the medicine cabinet and give her that. She’ll be okay Kara; humans are built to deal with this. Take a deep breath. Call me when she wakes up and I’ll talk to her.

The blonde did as directed, taking a deep breath in and holding it for a few seconds to calm herself down as she reminded herself of what Alex had said. Humans were used to this. Humans could handle this. It would be fine. Lena would be fine, just fine.

Now that she had freed herself from Lena’s grasp she had managed to retrieve her laptop from her bag. The blonde pulled out her machine and began to work on her latest article, which was surprisingly about the CEO. 

It was just a stupid puff piece thanking Lena for her latest donation to the city -a whole new hospital- but the woman really needed the good press. So much hate surrounded her name, and people couldn’t seem to comprehend all of the good that she did.

She had gotten so into her work that she didn’t realize how much time had gone by until she saw Lena staring up at her, a little smile on her cracked lips.

“Hey, you, how are you feeling?”

“Why are you still here? Aren’t you sposta be doing something?” The brunette asked, completely ignoring Kara’s original question. Judging by the way that she was speaking, speech slurred slightly, the answer was ‘not great’.

Immediately assuming that the question was based on catching the illness (that’s what most humans worried about in this situation, right?) she framed her answer as what she figured Lena would want to hear.

“I won’t get sick, but I’ll go if you want me to,” Kara said softly, propping herself up on one elbow. The woman laying in her arms smirked and opened one beautiful green eye.

“Well duh. Aliens can’t get people viruses.” Well, that wasn’t what the blonde had been expecting. She froze, her mouth dropping open as she fumbled for what to say. How had this even happened? She had been so careful. Right?

“I-uh, I’m not sure what, what you’re talking about. I just have a really good immune system and I got my flu shot and I don’t really get sick and—”

“’member one of the first times we interacted? I asked ‘f you need a parking ticket validated. You,” Lena paused to giggle, “said you ‘flew here on a bus’. Dumbest excuse I’ve ever heard. Dummy.” The grin on the CEO’s face was enough to make Kara burst into laughter. She had hoped that she had played it off well, but clearly, she hadn’t been as smooth as she thought.

“Are…you okay with it?”

“Mhm. Can’t really be mad, you saved didn’ let anyone kill me. Please don’t go.” The slightly delerious Lena was already falling asleep again, cuddling against Kara’s chest. It was pretty clear that she wasn’t interested in moving, and really just wanted to be held.

“I’m not going anywhere. But let’s get some medicine in you, see if we can lower that fever a bit.” She was pretty sure there would need to be more conversation about this later, but for now, Kara was perfectly happy to gloss over the subject of her DNA.

“Later? I wanna sleep.” If it were anyone else and if they were wearing any other expression, Lena literally looked like a cute, pouting puppy, Kara would’ve demanded that the medicine be consumed. But she just didn’t have the heart to argue with the woman.

“As you wish.” The blonde said softly, pressing an incredibly soft kiss to the top of her best friend’s head. The woman let out a contented sigh and curled up closer, tucking her head right under Kara’s chin. Maybe this illness would be the start of something beautiful.

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[bluebeads-art]

Man. I've already been struggling with... I guess identity issues with art for over a year now. I've been making and sharing art online for literally as long as I can remember, all the way back to when I was a kid lying about my age to get on DeviantArt. So long that art and sharing that art is a core pillar of how I see myself, how I interact with others, and likely how others see me. I want to see fellow artists, I want my art to be seen, and to have an archive that I can point at and say, "I created all that!"

I'd been trying so, so hard to get back into drawing and modeling more these past few months, I guess because I feel like I have to. I always have and always will be an artist. But these past few years of social media CEOs proving time and time again that they can and will trample artists and trans people for profit and- idfk- their amusement? spite? jealousy? I don't know where to share my art anymore. I don't know if I want to make art anymore. It feels insane that I'm even questioning that, I'm an artist and always will be, but... I don't know, the state of the internet and the world has been pretty soul-shattering lately.

As much as I try to just draw for my own fulfillment and ignore that it's most likely getting chewed up and spat out by machine learning, or that some moderator can just decide they don't like me and nuke my little archive of art that I've been happily creating for over a decade now, it's making the thought of sharing my art on social media rather paranoia-inducing and quite frankly just sad to me. Sure, I could move to Cohost or BlueSky or something, but starting an account and having barely any new art to post there is also just deeply, deeply sad to me.

I don't have a conclusion to this post. I don't know what the future of this blog is going to be like, or the future of my art in general. Just getting some thoughts out, I guess.

EDIT: Something I wanted to add is that I have no plans to delete this blog. I'm an archivist at heart, and deleting information makes me die inside. That means if this blog does disappear, it got taken down against my will. I don't think it's likely to happen, but figured I'd mention this just in case. :/

[gamchawizzy]

Life update!

I haven't been drawing as much for the past few months bc of big life changes that left me too exhausted to be creative.

Lots of things happened, a lot of bad, some good, mostly weird-but I'm opening a new chapter in my life which is that I'm now employed 😳

It's a bag of mixed feelings, but for one thing I'm glad I'm now able to rest from art for a little bit without guilt.

But! I don't plan on stopping art. In fact, I'm excited because I'm able to focus on making better pieces now that I have stable income.

It's going to be a choppy period for the first bit that's for sure. But I can feel myself healing now :)

I'm gonna finish everything I owe to my current clients (thank you for being so patient with me!), then start working on changing my comms sheet to reflect my new sched

I rarely talk about this on main but it's been a very difficult time for me to balance finances and art nowadays, esp since the beginning of 2022. My personal life and my health aren't in the best of shape, so I feel very lucky to have landed a job that allows me to work safely

Endlessly thankful for everyone who's supported me thru the years-your support literally saved my life as well as my family's- I'm not going to close my comms but rather take them more slowly this time as weekends may be the only times I can get to them.

That being said! I'm excited to draw for myself again too! I have SO many ideas for my ocs as well as for bb + club penguin and I'm so excited to sit down and just study things without worrying about making finished works immediately.

I started keeping a journal to track down my ideas n brainfarts outside of my sketchbook and it's been helpful at keeping pressure off making art. I'm excited to put my art back as a hobby again. It's been a fun time but I felt burnt out and this is the next best thing so I don't start hating it, and that's completely ok!

I had dreams of going pro, and I also worked in the industry here n there, but maybe that's for another time. I still have the rest of my life ahead of me, and for that to happen, I need to start loving art again. Until then, I'm good w this :)

Long post but thanks for reading if u came this far! I just wanted to bare my heart out a bit now that the dust's settled. Excited to share art with you all again soon!