#i never say it out loud but that’s why I have such a tremendous hate for them

[vers-1]

I’m so angry. I can’t for the life of me understand why people do terrible things.

I see these pictures and now that I kno, it’s just disgusting and I wish I finished the job. I wish I did so much worse. I wish you suffered more

[beatrixstonehill2]

"Hey guys, your favorite former fit girl, Ava, here with another quick vid sponsored by the lovely people at Hucow Heaven! When they first offered me to try their product as a brand deal I thought it was a joke, ngl. I'm a fitness vlogger with an a lean bust, barely a B-Cup. Why would someone like me want gigantic breasts? They got me on the phone with a representative who was so sweet and she told me I can opt out any time, but most women who tried their products kept going longer than they thought they would. So, I ask a bunch of questions like will it impede me from my workouts and lifestyle and she was blunt that yeah, it would after a while, and I'd be far more prone to retain fat while taking the product, since it encourages such large growth so fast!

I still wasn't convinced and she basically told me I'd be compensated extremely well even if I tried it for only a couple weeks.... That she knew I'd love it and my popularity would grow tremendously. Her logic was hard to argue with..... I could get super busty for a year or so, make tons of money, several more times than the amount to get my boobs reduced back, and pocket the rest. That Influencers and glamour models did it literally all the time. I.... caved, as you all know. I couldn't say no, she was so nice!

This is month four and yeah, I'm getting a bit chubby but I think the added thickness suits me, don't you? I've never looked more incredible and oh my god, these boobs are SO much fun. The back pain is totally worth it! I love them to death and flaunt them everywhere I go. People barely have to ask and I flash them in public and encourage anyone who wants to give them a feel. Or a squeeze..... Or a nice loud smack! God having them slapped around is so fun, I never used to like bondage of pain but having these huge fat titties get tied up or whipped or paddled or just grabbed so hard I feel like they're gonna pop..... I'm addicted to the pain soooo bad now. These fucking melons have turned me into a total whore. I practically can't so no these days, and if I do I don't actually try to stop them....

I used to hate unwanted attention from men. Now they grope my tits, rip off my tops, play with my boobs everywhere I go, and I'm always so turned on by it. I never knew I wanted this.... And I'm a HH-Cup after only four months.... That's six whole cup sizes in just four months! Imagine how big they'll be if I keep going? I know I should stop here, they're the perfect size and I'm still really mobile and light on my feet, but completely sexually liberated and free use.... Yet, I can't stop. I need them to get bigger, and bigger, and BIGGER until I know I've completely fucked up. I don't just want huge boobs, I want them to be debilitatingly massive. So fucking giant I can barely walk, maybe not at all. Imagine being disabled because I'm too big breasted? How pathetic I'd be..... poor fit girl who screwed up her whole life and health because having big titties was way too fun and hurting them was simply too addicting.... The representative told me once I started I'd keep going.... I didn't believe her. But look at them? All I can think is how amazing it would feel if I bloated these huge titties up so much they each weighed more than I used to before I started this sponsorship...... I bet you can't wait just as much as I can't!"

[edenfenixblogs]

I don’t think most non-Jews understand how disappointed we are in the left right now. How completely abandoned we’ve become. How our contributions to progress for other groups have been erased or disavowed or hidden. How the actual tangible things that Jews have contributed to black rights and civil rights are being ignored. How we’re being told we contribute and have contributed nothing.

How we are being told that the world has been kind to us when it never has. As if my mom didn’t grow up getting called a Kike and getting beat up for being Jewish. How I thought I had friends until I caught them saying “xyz was beautiful until Jews showed up.” How people told me I was pretty “for a Jew.” How I grew up hearing stories about bombs being set off in Israel in buses and markets. How I couldn’t even go two weeks without hearing that and how nobody cared and somehow, every time that happened, the whole world became more hostile to me for some reason.

I just don’t understand. I don’t understand what leftists are doing. Or why. I hate that I have to say—of course, I support a free and self determined Palestine (which I truly do)—in order for you to decide I’m worthy of care and support.

We showed up for you. All of you. And the entire movement is abandoning us at best or targeting us at worst. Celebrating our deaths. Saying we deserved it. How are we supposed to trust you ever again? How are we supposed to feel safe ever again?

A very few select people who are in my life have taken the chance to actually learn about and dismantle their own unconscious antisemitism during this time. And I’m eternally grateful for them. But most people haven’t reached out at all. Most people are still sharing hateful things that could get me hurt and they don’t care. Most people Reblogging my posts are still Jews. Because we are alone. And it sucks. You need to be as loud about antisemitism as you are about Palestine or you’re an antisemite (unless you’re Arab/Muslim/Palestinian—I totally get that these groups are also doing damage control in their own communities just like Jews are).

But we are all in tremendous pain right now.

This moment will pass. And when it does, I will remember how many people let me down. I will remember that when I needed support more than I’ve ever needed it in my life, people fucking vanished. They pretended violence against my people wasn’t happening. They ignored and rewrote the history of Israel to suit their own narratives.

You don’t know what it feels like to be hated this much for opposite things. PoC hate us for being too white. White supremacists hate us for not being white enough. Europeans hate us for being middle eastern. Middle easterners hate us for being western/European. Everyone hates us for being settlers but continually kicks us out of their countries so that we have to settle somewhere else.

I saw a post going around from a Black person who said that the reason he and his fellow black activists go protest for Palestinians instead of fighting antisemitism (as if it’s a binary, which it’s not) is that Jews don’t show up. Muslims and Palestinians do. And honestly? Fuck that guy. Heather Heyer died standing shoulder to shoulder against racism in 2017. [CORRECTION: When I first wrote this post I was under the impression that Heather Heyer was Jewish. I want to correct to avoid spreading misinfo. She was just the first (and incorrect) Jewish civil rights activist I thought of. However there are plenty of other actual Jewish civil rights activists to choose from. If you have reblogged this post from me, please feel free to add a link to the permalink version of this post with my correction to your reblog.]I have devoted substantial time and effort and money that I don’t even get paid a lot of because I don’t get paid a living wage. I have continually reached out to PoC people in my life of all religions to ask how they are doing and what I could be doing to help more—both for them personally and how they would best like me to help their community. I have elevated their voices at every opportunity. And not one person I checked in with has done the same for me or for my community.

And it’s bone chilling. It’s awful. And it’s even worse knowing that when it’s over, people will want to go back to normal. They won’t apologize. They won’t self reflect. They’ll just live their lives, maybe a little more aware of how much they hate us and completely indifferent to the harm they’ve caused us. How disposable they made us feel. And the thing is…it’s not hard for you to know. You just have to ask.

Too many people are cowards. Too many people care about looking good than actually learning something or making the world better. And to those people: you should be ashamed of yourself.

I don’t have any hate in my heart. Truly. Not a drop for any group of people. But I have a tremendous lack of trust that anyone would actually lift a finger to keep me safe.

[the-anime-enthusiast]

izuku midoryia’s type in women PLEASEEEE🙏🙏

OFCC!! Sorry for taking so long, in my last post I explained why I've been on an unofficial hiatus but yeah 😭 I got u!!

IZUKU MIDORIYA - type in women

PHYSICAL 🤸‍♀️

bro DOES NYYYAT care, literally at all. I think everyone has their preferences, him too ofc, but he's him guys. The ratio from hips to waist is NOT what bros laying attention to, but ofc I'll still give you my opinion.

SUN KISSED BADDIES you got that like sunburn across your cheeks? he's going crazy. like legitimately. I don't think he would be able to handle his feelings. he'd probably pass out from a blood pressure spike.

He likes them brown haired girls 😔 and brown eyed girls 😭 (song reference) He honestly doesn't care Abt details like that, he'd date anyone, but he def compares his love life to shoujo series and he stays seeing those dark haired baddies.

ass tits thighs personality ✅ he's fs a personality man but let's bffr, every guy has there thing....height, hips, and arms. He likes his girls shorter than him 🙂 (around 5'2? not too short tho cuz then he gets weirded out) He LOVES dem hips. Yk whenever a girl has that natural dip in her hips, it kinda looks like those donut stack toys babies play with? (random comparison I js can't think of anything) HE LOVES THAT SH!!T. He's def secretly crazy for thick hips, like when u got some fat around them. Loves it 100%

okay...so the whole arms thing...he likes girls who have thicker arms...and not rly a muscle kinda thick, more like an auntie thick when you got that little folded skin hanging over the elbow. Bros specific, and bros a lil weird Abt it. He would NEVER admit it out loud, but it's like a creepy fetish for him. He would js never actually be creepy Abt it tho cuz yk, HE HAS COMMON DECENCY. (Unlike some guys 🙄)

When I say he's not picky, I MEAN he is not picky. It's giving very much Yuji Itadori and that one girl that he was like "yeah it would be her" (very mindful, very sweet, very wholesome, very demure) Slim, Thick, Skinny, Midsize, Plus size, All size, Morphing Size (idfk im running out of sizes and you never know with those quirks man)

MENTAL 🧠

if ur a mean ass bitch you can get TFFF OUUUTTT bro does NOT stand for that sh!t 🙅‍♀️ tbh i dont think he'd be picky when it comes to personality but he doesn't stand for someone who has room for hate in their heart, even after everything hes been through. I'm not gonna sit here and be like "oh he's a sweet cinnamon roll 🥺" like bffr, but he won't even look in your direction if you're a "hater"

He generally wants someone sweet, or just nice in general. like ochaco (no I'm not shipping them, she's just really nice and the best charcter to describe his preferred personality to)(did you see her with toga? shes a sapphic queen guys bffr) He wants someone who cares TREMENDOUSLY, like he does. Kindness is what gets his attention, being a good soul and good spirit, someone he can match wave lengths with mentally.

A strong mind and determination. (bkdk reference) (I'm joking) He knows exactly where he wants to be in life, even if his idea of that is a little messy, so he likes whenever someone has the same drive he does, natural will to be good. He wants someone mentally tough and ready to face the world for what they believe, as long as they know in their heart it's what they want/believe. (all might reference)

RANDOM 🎉

He rly likes girls who can draw 😭 He thinks it's the coolest thing ever and it makes it so easy for his partner to get him gifts bc he'd melt if he got a personalized drawing of him and his fav heros 😭

LOVE LANGUAGE - physical touch

he's not huge on pda (he gets rly embarrassed, not in a embarrassed of you way, more of a, im shy and feel like my face is going to explode, kinda way) but he loves sweet little acts of physical touch. Whenever he's stressed or really anxious holding hands melts all his worries away.

LOVE LANGUAGE -quality time

bro fr js wants to be next you. he loves little cheesy dates (amusement park and sharing crepes)(manga reference) but yeah, just cheesy things like that.

Really likes nerdy girls (very big on matching energy if you can't already tell) like js geek out with bro and he'd die for u istg.

Play a damn board game with this kid, Jeezus Chrysler. Whip out monopoly and you'll have his attention till he rots in fictional jail. He actually REALLY sucks at board games but refuses to ever stop playing them. Jenga? He can't even set the blocks up without knocking them over. Uno? He forgot what the word uno was. I mean literally say there stuttering trying to remember what word he's supposed to say.

BUY THIS KID SHOES. He doesn't know why...but it's one of his favorite gifts to receive. He loves trying them on and showing them off to you. He also gets rly geeked out over custom fan shoes. (think like those Hercules sandals from the Hercules movie) He knows it's cringe. He doesn't care. He has display racks for all of them on his wall.

OMG I FINISHED WRITING IT HOLY SH!T I DIDNT THINK I WOULD I js pulled all of these he out MY BEHIND BRO it's midnight I'm dead ASF, I have that convention in 2 days, shizzz wild rn. Pls lemme know what u think!! I've never been a HUUGHERE Deku fan, I kinda js appreciate his character, but I think this is pretty cutesy, how tf do u spell that. Anyways, yeah. This was fun. BYEYYEYEYEHEHEHEHEHEYYTEYRYTRYYR

[nightcolorz]

I'd love to hear your thoughts about what was going on in armand's head in the books after he turned daniel. do you think the lack of telepathy between them was a factor? do you think he felt guilty for turning him or just sortof didnt know what to do now that it was done, or both? what do you think changed to allow them to get back together in the end? do you think anything could have gone differently so that they didnt separate after qotd? also unrelated loving the kill marius tag 10/10 I hope he explodes and dies forever

TY I LOVE THESE QUESTIONS!!! And thank u lmaoo so true Marius die challenge.

I’ve kind of talked about a lot of this before in my post about why I think Armand and Daniel’s relationship ends in the books but I’ll make this post into a sort of tldr lol. for my own comprehension sake I’m going to answer ur questions in an autism friendly list, lmao

do you think the lack of telepathy between them was a factor? —Yes absolutely. Armand struggles a ton with verbal communication as well as being open and vulnerable with his loved ones (especially Daniel). I think that Armand definitely had a crisis after he turned Daniel bcus he was feeling a ton of grief and sadness after his turning and in addition, had his most comfortable mode of communication stripped from him. Armand in tvl doesn’t speak out loud for most of the book, which makes me think he finds telepathy much easier then speaking, and it was definitely a big part of his dynamic with Daniel. Armand defaults to using telepathy when he has trouble speaking about certain topics, or is in a headspace where he has trouble talking in general. it’s very likely armand wasn’t commutating with Daniel at all once they didn’t have the telepathy bond which was def a factor in their relationship falling apart. Daniel probably felt neglected by Armand and didn’t know why since he suddenly wasn’t talking. Get this boy a communication device 😭

do you think he felt guilty for turning him or just sort of didnt know what to do now that it was done, or both?—I think he felt guilty, and also like a failure. Armand’s vow to never turn someone into a vampire is incredibly important to him, and possibly one of his only moral standards he is dedicated to holding onto. Armand considers turning someone into a vampire an unforgivable evil he would never want to participate in, he thinks that the maker and fledgling dynamic is doomed from the start bcus fledglings will always grow to hate their makers, and he thinks that this is inevitable bcus vampirism is a curse that no one will ever get anything good from. As Armand sees it, him turning Daniel was both selfish and cruel, bcus he cursed Daniel horribly out of the selfish desire to keep him alive against his own good, and it was also a forgoing of his most important boundary and therefore a forgoing of his humanity and his morals. So needless to say Armand is kind of going through it after he turns Daniel, lmao

what do you think changed to allow them to get back together in the end?—I think that Armand’s complex about vampirism and his own trauma fueled perspective on the world was the main contributor in Daniel and Armand’s relationship ending, and I think they are able to make it work during the Prince lestat era bcus Armand goes through a lot of growth since queen of the damned, especially in the vampire Armand. After his suicide attempt and his gaining of his human children Armand begins to become genuinely more content, confident, capable of overcoming his trauma set backs, self aware, etc, and I think Armand just being a more happy and optimistic person in itself did wonders for his relationship with Daniel. He always thought of their dynamic as a doomed to fail tragedy, so when he reunites with Daniel and takes on a more optimistic approach they have a lot less conflict. I also think Daniel no longer being an unhinged alcoholic and going through his own growth period helped tremendously lol.

do you think anything could have gone differently so that they didnt separate after qotd?—I tend to see it as an inevitability that their relationship ended that way. The only thing u could change would be making Armand and Daniel completely different people and changing everything about their relationship, lmao. Every little thing in the devils minion chapter, including Daniel and Armand as characters, is a small contributor to a relationship that is about to burst in flames 😭😭 I’m just happy they work it out later on lol

Thank u for the ask!!!! I loved answering and thinking about these questions!!

[borathae]

↳ Index [Day 02 - Body Worshipping]

Pairing: soft dom!Hoseok x n.Reader

Kinks: body worshipping, praise, tears, clothed sex

Wordcount: 1.4k

a/n: given how you only chose those four kinks, I didn’t know how far I could go. So I kept it as minimal as possible with swerving out of the kink list. Enjoy besties! 🖤

The telly is running. Your favourite show for the fourth time. You introduced it to your boyfriend. He didn’t like it at first because he rarely watches shows, but he is just as obsessed with it these days as you are. 

Tonight however he is barely even watching, cuddled so tightly into you that you wonder if he wanted to merge with you. His day at work sucked and if that happens, Hoseok wants cuddles, your favourite show in the background and even more cuddles. 

He nuzzles and hums softly.

"You smell so nice", he says, fingers tracing your arm slowly, almost as if they wanted to memorise every inch of it.

You acknowledge him with a hum, but continue watching the show. Hoseok loves to whisper little nothings when he feels snuggly. At first you always felt the need to answer him until he told you that he merely loves to tell you without expecting an answer from you. So these days you simply let him, enjoying them with a fluttering heart.

Hoseok purrs softly, placing a kiss on your neck. 

"So soft", he whispers, "mhm baby why are you so soft?" he whines, grinding into you in a cute manner. It is the kind of grind which looks as if he is dry humping you when in reality he simply wants to be even closer to you. 

You chuckle, caressing his thigh and letting your hand rest on it afterwards. His sweats are so soft and his muscles are so defined, you love that feeling. Quite frankly, you’re a little obsessed with it.

Hoseok has reached your ear by now, nibbling on it with his lips. He makes the tiniest kissing sounds as he does, running his elegant hand up and down your arm in the meantime. He lingers on your shoulder each time he reaches it, inching closer and closer to your neck each time. 

"You are so beautiful", he whispers, fingers brushing against your neck, "do you know that?"

You smile, "mh-hm."

"Yeah? You do?" Hoseok lifts his head. He places his fingers under your chin and turns your head to him. His eye contact flusters you solely because he does it with such loving intensity. 

"Hobi the show", you say.

"It's a good show", he answers you and steals a chaste kiss. 

"Hobi", you whisper, lowering your head shyly.

"You are so cute when you’re like this. God, I wanna scoop you up and never let you go", he says, making a little soundeffect as he does exactly that. 

You fall with a loud cackle, landing right a top of Hoseok's chest as he makes sure to wrap all of his limbs around your body tightly. He squeaks and grunts in a high-pitched voice, tickling your neck with the best kisses ever. 

"My baby, I’m not letting you go. So cute and beautiful and soft", he says, rolling around on the couch as best as possible.

He truly makes you so happy. You sometimes wonder if laughing as much as you do with Hoseok is natural. After all, it can’t be normal that your cheeks hurt so tremendously from pure happiness all the time. 

"God Hobi, that tickles", you squeak, feeling tears of laughter well up in your eyes.

"Mhmbaby so nice", Hoseok murmurs, giggling with you as he touches an especially sensitive spot on your waist and it makes you squeak in laughter. 

"No tickles please", you beg and because Hoseok is the best boyfriend, he listens.

He releases you from his hold, allowing you to sit back up. He keeps close to you however, with his legs on either side of you and his arms around your waist.

"God Hobi I hate it when you tickle me", you whine.

"I know, sorry sorry", he mumbles, kissing your neck as an apology. Those kisses are not of innocent nature, you soon realise as each kiss makes shivers run down your spine and your stomach tingle in excitement. Softly and with intent, he kisses you, making the neediest little sounds as he does.

"Have I told you before that I love your neck?" he asks, resting his chin on your shoulder, "you smell so nice there, makes me wanna keep kissing you", he adds and does exactly that.

"Feels good", you sigh.

"Mhm yeah, feels good. Love kissing you", he whispers, using his big hand on the side of your face to turn your head to him.

He smiles and goes in for a deep kiss. He tastes like the caramel popcorn you are sharing, lips as soft as they always are. 

When he pulls back, you feel just the slightest bit lightheaded, pulse racing in your chest.

"My beautiful", he whispers and then does the surprising thing of getting off the couch just to kneel in front of you. 

"Huh? What are you doing?" 

He hugs your legs, running his hands up and down your thighs repeatedly. His touch feels electrifying, leaving your skin so greedy for more.

"I want to worship you", he says.

"God Hobi, you’re flustering me", you murmur, squirming just the slightest bit. 

"Don't flee", he orders lovingly, "just relax baby, I’ll take the best care of you."

"Oh, okay", you whisper, trying to relax even though you feel like bouncing in excitement.

Hoseok lowers his head, resting it on your lap with a content sigh. And while he does, his hands trace your calves, tickling your skin oh so wonderfully.

"So soft", he sighs, "my baby is so soft", he says and turns his head to place an almost obsessed kiss a top your left thigh. 

You really want to concentrate on the show, but can’t. Not when his kisses feel so very nice. 

Hoseok hums in happiness, lips curled into a smile and eyes closed. He kisses your right thigh, doing so with the utmost tenderness. 

"So warm too", he whispers, "I can't ever get enough of you. Never ever."

It feels really good to be worshipped by him. He makes all those stupid, little insecurities feels so miniscule and so unnecessary. When you are with Hoseok, you don’t have ugly days, because he thinks all your days are beautiful. 

Hoseok takes your hands, cradling them with all the care in the world. Almost as if he was scared to accidentally break them.

"I'm yours", he whispers, tracing your knuckles as his eyes follow his touch.

He lifts them to his lips and begins kissing them, doing so with his eyes closed. That is the only way to kiss your hands. Hoseok wants to get lost in it. 

He looks so peaceful and happy. This man is yours. This beautiful, wonderful man is yours.

"I'm yours", you tell him, squeezing his hands.

Hoseok lifts his gaze, smiling at you. 

"Baby, what's the matter?" his smile drops quickly, "why are you crying?"

"I'm happy", you press out, spilling new tears.

"I'm happy too, god baby don’t cry. It’s okay", Hoseok sits up and cups your cheeks, pulling you into a loving kiss. Not for long as he wants to do nothing more than kiss those tears away. Even if of happy nature, Hoseok can't bear to see you crying. He has to make sure every inch of your face is kissed and worshipped by him. You deserve nothing less.

"Hobi that feels so good", you whisper.

"Yeah? Do you like it?" he asks, trailing his kisses back to your neck. The position may look a little bit awkward. Him towering over you while you are sitting on the couch with your head tilted back and his lips on your neck. But it's not awkward at all. It is this slight feeling of being so vulnerable for him that makes your entire body tingle in the need to have more and more and more. 

"I love it", you moan softly, gasping when he sucks a little hickey to your jawline. Not harshly, he merely wanted your skin to tingle. And you do. You tingle like crazy.

You fall against the couch with a sigh. Hoseok follows, placing his knee between your parted legs without ever touching you where it aches for his touch the most. His warmth is enough to rile you up however. Oh how you wish he will go further tonight. His hands land on each side of the headrest, caging in your head.

Like this his dark hair is hanging into his face, framing his features and hiding the rest of the world from your view. 

"I've got you now", he says.

"You do", you whisper, "please kiss me again."

Hoseok takes your cheek between his fingers, tilting your head up gently. He leans down, forcing his lips to brush against yours without ever allowing you a full taste.

"I'm gonna kiss you for hours, baby", he rasps, finally leaning in.

[fuckingstrange]

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| "I don't like myself that much. But I'm glad you do." — Personal Prompt |

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WARNINGS: Self-hating talk, Indications of possible Autism, talk of a not-so-kind mother, cussing, kissing, probably bad writing

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WORDS: 657

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Begging y'all to be nice (or not idk) and if you know me irl fuck off (kindly or just don't talk to me abt this)

You sit in bed, your head in Reid's lap as he soothingly strokes your hair while humming an unfamiliar song to fill the silence so that you don't get that annoying ringing in your ears. You've been laying there for about thirty minutes, trying to calm down from the stressful day at the bureau where the office was just a little bit too loud, a little bit too bright, and everybody was just a little too chatty. The odd buzz that was pulsing through your body that left you on the verge of tears thirty minutes ago has calmed down tremendously with the help of his soothing humming and the feeling of his fingers carding through your hair, so much so that you're able to space out and fall into a landfill of thoughts. They're not good by any means, but it's whatever.

Reid turns his head down to look at you, smiling in a slightly worried manner when he sees how zoned out you seem. "Penny for your thoughts, baby?" He says in a quiet tone, watching the way your eyes trail up to his and seeing how it takes a minute for your vision to focus in on him. "Hey there." He greets when you finally blink, an indicator that you're back from whatever rabbit hole of thoughts you fell down.

"..hm?" You hum in question, asking him to repeat whatever he said before. He smiles before moving his hand to poke the center of your forehead. "I offered you a penny for a chance to get an idea of what's going on in that racing mind." He says, hearing the way you hum softly as you think about it.

"..I was thinking about how much you seem to like me. I, frankly, don't like myself that much. But I'm glad you do." You respond, giving a light shrug as if the way you talk bad about yourself is normal. Sadly, it is, but Reid has been trying to break you out of that habit. "Oh." He reacts, making you raise an eyebrow as you wait for him to say something more. It takes a minute but he eventually whispers, "You know I don't enjoy hearing you talk like that about yourself." Pressing a hand to your cheek before he adds, "I find you very interesting."

"..Love, I'm not that interesting. I'm just some 28 year old dumbass-" You start, though he silences you with a kiss. He holds your lips against his until he feels you melt into it, letting it linger for another few seconds before pulling back enough that he can look into your eyes. "You're not as dumb as you think. You're pretty smart, you just have certain issues that make it hard for you to voice your words correctly." He says, the compliment making you feel a little bad that you even decided to say anything. Reid notices your uneasiness, moving his hand to cup the back of your head and pulling you in for another calming kiss. "You'll learn how to take a compliment, eventually, baby." He mumbles into the kiss, "And I'll make sure you're never treated anywhere near the way your mother did." He adds.

"..I just don't understand why you're so nice to me." You admit after he removes his lips from yours, hearing him sigh makes you start to feel like you're annoying him until he suddenly pulls you to sit up in his lap. "I'm nice to you because I actually love you. You're just not used to it, and I swear that's fine." He explains, his words putting you a bit more at ease. You rest your head on his shoulder, mindlessly beginning to play with the soft fabric of his plain brown shirt. You get so lost in the soothing feeling of the soft material in your hand that you barely notice when he begins to whisper sweet nothings in your ear.

[ghostussy]

Hii, since your requests are open. I see that you write allot of comfort! Well…if it’s alright with you, could you do the ghouls x GN reader with a stutter? They hate it, they keep quiet to avoid talking, because they get bullied for it by the bad apples of the church. Just wanting some ghoul comfort. Have a good day! :)

SORRY I'M JUST NOW GETTING TO ALL THESE ASKS I'M A DISASTER ASJDNSSDJDNFNM

Sorry it's short, but hopefully sweet! :3 Also I based this off of my own mild stutter, so I'm sorry if it's inaccurate!

Ao3

. . .

You were a hard worker. Sister Imperator knew it. Copia knew it. Nihil knew it (but never admitted it out loud).

You did as you were asked. You did your chores, completed your paperwork, and worked hard in class. You were kind, helpful. You were somebody the Clergy could rely on.

The only thing was, you didn't speak much.

New siblings wrote you off as unfriendly. Older siblings assumed you were burnt out. They thought it was strange, certainly; but they recognized it was no one's business but your own.

The truth was that you had a stutter.

It wasn't a terrible stutter, but it happened often enough that you'd rather just stay silent. In the past, you'd been mocked for it. Mostly by mischievous kids and grouchy old people who didn't care to wait for you to speak, but nevertheless it hurt tremendously.

You found it was simply easier to stay quiet. Only speak when necessary, try to stay under the radar. The last thing you wanted was to be noticed.

Unfortunately, you could never be that lucky. Someone noticed. Several someones, actually.

. . .

"Doll, don't think we haven't noticed."

You look at Aether questioningly, eyebrows raised.

"You don't talk. The rest of us are worried."

You shrug, shaking your head a little.

"You're not mute. So what is it?" He leans against the wall behind him, looking at you intently. "Bad teeth? Annoying voice? C'mon, it can't be that bad." You huff in annoyance at all his questions. "Or are you just nonverbal? That's okay too."

"I have- I have a stutter."

Aether raises his eyebrows. "Is that it? Really?"

You shrug.

"Why would a little stutter make you be so quiet? Is it really that bad?"

You look up at him. "Some-sometimes people don't like it."

He frowns. "It's a stutter. Are you for real?"

You don't really know what to say. Aether sighs.

"Come on."

You furrow your eyebrows in confusion. "Where?"

"To the den." He says it simply, like the decision is final.

"But I-" The next thing you know, you're tossed over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. "H-hey! Aeth-"

"If I don't prove to the ghoulettes that you're okay, then they're gonna kick my ass," he explains. "Besides, we're having a movie night. And you're coming."

You groan, but stop fighting. He's much bigger than you, and you won't get very far even if you do get free.

When the two of you enter the den, Aether sets you down gently. Immediately, you're swarmed with four very concerned ghoulettes.

You're gently ushered to the floor of the den, where several ghouls are already snuggled together in a big pile. You realize the pile is filled with not only Copia's ghouls, but Primo's, Secondo's, and Terzo's as well. You didn't know all of their names, or even if they all had names, but they welcomed you with open arms and soft purrs.

Before you know it, you're in the middle of the pile. You're in-between two ghouls, being spooned from each side. Their warmth radiates right over you, keeping you nice and warm. They don't speak, and neither do you; their soft purrs lull you into a peaceful trance as the movie plays, eventually fading into the background as you drift off to sleep.

[nicosraf]

Hi, how are you? It's time for my weakly question to you

Is Uriel an intentional representation of homophobia? I remember him telling lucifer he was too loud and it got me thinking about how homophobic people are quick to shut queer people down if their outgoing and extroverted, so now I'm wondering if it was intentional given Uriel is so loyal to God's system and design

Have a good weekend!!

Hello! :) Yes! He's a homophobic stereotype, but I do want to add that I was thinking of older gay homophobia in particular when I wrote him.

Old queers have so much trauma, and I think a very real phenomenon is when they see younger gays with their more open self-expression and just... hate them. They suppressed all their gay self-expression and they suffered tremendously, so why shouldn't this young flamboyant gay person also be miserable, just like them?

In general, gay people hate each other so much based on this line of respectability. Gays who conform, who get office jobs, who say "I just wanted marriage! I don't know what this new generation is going on about!" VS gays who aren't gender conforming or are really loud or who have That voice. Usually the line of respectability is also an age line — Boomer gays vs Gen Z gays. But in my case, I think I had a moment of sliding into that Boomer gay mindset years ago and felt a real existential fear when I chatted with the stereotypical fag types.

So Lucifer is a fag stereotype and Uriel is an old homophobic queer.

And to me that's really important, partly because Lucifer's fag-ness is so integral to the story for me, but because Uriel never gets out of his own head and sympathesizes with Lucifer because he's too busy hating him for these surface level fag traits that Uriel despises (and has existential fear over how it looks and what it could cause.)

(And sometimes a system's most oppressed are the ones most loyal to it; Uriel takes on that role for me).

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

2, 3, 6, 7, 8, 12 and 25 for the choose violence asks

Adjfhdgdgf mildly mortifying but very fair! I’ve also just been assuming any prompts I get are for Grishaverse fandom because that’s just the majority of what I’ve been getting asks about

Choose Violence Ask Game

2. A compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

I am running out of these! I don’t think most of the characters are like “would never ever top or bottom” tbqh.

I think Zoya’s a top, no question. Nikolai strikes me as a switch with tremendous brat potential lmao. I think KoS leaning into her chaining him up every night was really funny and I support it. A cursory glance I took at the Zoyalai tag awhile ago seemed to suggest that the fandom doesn’t really capitalize on that? Highly disappointing!

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

People saying Alina was the villain of the story. She’s a teenager trying to not get dragged into magic slavery and being forced to commit genocide like come onnnnn

6. Which ship fans are the most annoying?

Darklinas lol real unfortunate that I’m in the same trash can

7. What character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

Definitely not hate but I find the crows pretty annoying at this point just because their fans are so loud and get pretty superior when it comes to the trilogy. Also would have been true of show!Darkling if I didn’t already find him so annoying and disappointing.

8. Common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

Genya/David sucked. I really wanted Genya/Zoya to be a thing though I knew it was never going to happen. I think David was better in KoS but in the trilogy he’s just so boring and I felt like his big speech he gives her in R&R was rather barbed? I didn’t like it!

12. The unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

Oncat is the most important character actually!!

I don’t know who’s unpopular tbh. Alina? So many people are mean about Alina. I actually shdhff did not like her much at first but I got really defensive of her seeing how the fandom talks about her and now she’s my daughter.

25. Common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

I mostly wish fans would just take a walk and chill out. Leigh Bardugo didn’t break into your house and kick your puppy. I find the way people talk about her as a person really appalling and unacceptable. Like she wrote some books! You can have your opinions on it but she doesn’t owe you anything? Idk I wish people would just have boundaries.

[konjkitkatty]

Your ocs are all so interesting! What was the thought process behind them?

Ah you’re so sweet!!! I rlly do try to make my characters interesting and likeable, i’m v glad u enjoy them!! As for my process behind them, SURE! None of this is going to be coherent but i’ll try to walk u thru it! It’s a long read so it’ll all b under the cut!

I’d been meaning to make COTL ocs for a while ever since i saw just the VAST amount of variety in follower forms, but I wanted to make them meaningful, yknow? Not just a random follower but smthn w story, intrigue! Inspo didn’t strike until I’d reached the post game and found out abt the bishops’ quests. And i was very disappointed with it. OKAY. I GET why they’re unguarded, they’re hidden away in the deepest crevasses of their respective realms, and I GET IT. I do, i swear, I SWEAR i get it. I do. but cmon, its so underwhelming and I hate it so much. That’s when I thought up of the guardians as like an entire concept, and thus the time to create COTL ocs was upon me!

Kitty was first- they were easy as the design was just my sona in the COTL style give or take a few minor details. OBV I updated them and made them more unique (the spikes, the tail, the eyes, and the massive personality shift to that of an envious follower desperately searching for approval from SOMEONE) but using my sona as a template helped out tremendously in the process. I don’t recommend doing so…

Bat, Dove and Bear- unlike Kitty- were all created with their enemy forms in mind, The Archer, The Summoner and The Guardian. Kitty just kinda fell into the awkward scamp/swordsman role naturally, and it was fitting. First guardian meant they wouldn’t b too strong normally.

Next was Bat because I was REALLY excited to draw the summoner enemy. They were kind of made to be Kitty’s opposite, youngest/oldest, become bug/reject bug sorta thing. Bat’s first draft was a moody bug with big red eyes and a few screws loose upstairs, if u catch my drift. I thought they were too much like Chemach in their expressions, the way they spoke and regarded the lamb, even the way they hung and thrashed about in their webs. so I kept playing around until I remembered BATS exist, and then had the phenomenal idea of making the spider’s guardian a bug eating wrathful BAT instead. I still got to have the cool head limbs in his final form, but NOW instead of just making them bug arms which is eh, i could make them SKELETAL WINGS. With their many eyes and wings he gives the vibe of an angel to me, which I think is pretty cool all things considered.

Next I did was my prideful Bear, and I always knew she was gonna be exactly like Kallamar in the sense that she would have the LEAST changes design wise from boss to guardian to follower. She was the only actual GUARDIAN enemy to be a guardian, and given how actually agonizingly tough those fkers are to fight i figured she deserved it. Originally she was a brawler who utilized hand to hand combat to directly contrast with Kallamar’s many weapons, but once the sailor theme got thrown in I figured giving her a weapon would b better. I decided on a pirate’s sword made out of the crystal growths in Anchordeep- a pretty and sparkly object a pirate would love, but a weapon that’s honestly probably not great against another aword, but she’d never say that out loud. Her sword is better because she’s the more skilled fighter. She also got to use the mask as a shield because I wasn’t sure what to do with her hands OR the mask. Dove was the only other one with one of them and uhhh… well….. yknow…..

Dove was the last and honestly the biggest migraine i’ve ever had designing an oc for a game in a WHILE. She’s very simple, she’s just a chubby Morning Dove- that’s so easy to work with actually. I’ve drawn birds, but not COTL birds. so she. was. a. NIGHTMARE. Bird followers are honestly just so awkward looking in this game, I really couldn’t figure her follower form out until I used OTHER birds for reference (Clauneck, Kudaai, Chemach, Klunko, and especially Haro.) I’m still not entirely happy with her, but given the circumstances I think she turned out the best she would ever be. I just wish smthn more was going on w her… everything, yknow? Feels like smthn’s missing w her. I still find her boss form incredibly cool though- I love how all the gold and stuff she’s overindulged in gets stuck in her throat/chest and makes all these gross lumps, it’s my favorite visual thing about her. I try to do lots of visual storytelling, and that sucks bc its no fun to just tell people what to look for and what it means, so you kinda have to hope these details get noticed and are interpreted right. Anyways yap session over.

That’s all my thoughts!!!

[darklove9314-blog]

If you’re taking angsty prompts still can I request nesta powering thru training on her period and cassian feeling horrible when he realizes she thought he wouldn’t sympathize so she didn’t even say anything? Bonus if it ends with him comforting nesta and promising to be better

Nesta never thought there would have been a day where she wished for her old periods back, the days where she would curse whichever Gods she believed in during that time for putting her in tremendous pain.

Now she knew that she had been foolish, knew that the pain she had bared as a human could be so much worse. Because now, with her fae period trying to make her double over, Nesta could hardly bare to get out of bed that morning.

She took a deep breath, knowing that no matter what condition she was in she had to go to training. She knew he wouldn’t feel sympathy for her, probably laugh at the fact that something so trivial as a period would take her out of training for the day. She didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of being right about that. 

Taking a deep breath, Nesta scattered through her drawers until she found what she was looking for, a bottle of elixir that would make the pain somewhat manageable and her rags, as she made her way to her bathroom, feeling like every step was as painful as walking on broken glass. 

Taking the correct dosage of her elixir, Nesta took another deep breath, taking care of her rags before changing into her leathers, examining herself if the mirror as a bout of nausea hit her as she fought to pull it back. She hated this. Hated feeling so weak. 

She pushed off the sink’s counter, heading downstairs and grabbing an apple from the bowl, chewing on it cautiously as she heard the footfalls of his boots coming from upstairs, turning towards the counter so he wouldn’t see the pain radiating from her face. The last person she wanted to know was Cassian. She had hoped Rhys had something to make him miss lessons today, but she was in no such luck. 

“Ready for training today, Nes?” He asked her as Nesta fought the urge to ground her teeth and snap at him, but she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that she cared what he thought. 

“Let’s just get today over with.” She growled out, finishing her apple before passing him, keeling out of reach of his tentative fingers of his before she headed to the training rink, Gwyn and Emerie already laughing at some joke Emerie had said as Nesta plopped down beside them, another cramp stabbing at her insides as she winced slightly..

Emerie sent a side long glance to Nesta as if understanding dawned on her features. 

“Nesta, are you-” 

Nesta shushed her, cutting a glance towards Cassian and Azriel who were talking to Rosalyn about her stance, 

“Not so loud. The last thing I need is for Cassian to taunt me because I’m on my period.” 

Gwyn glanced at her in slight concern.

“Why would he do that?” She inquired as Nesta let out a deep breath trying to work through her massive cramping. 

“Because it’s Cassian, he hardly misses a day of training even if he’s sick and looks like he’s about to be knocked on his ass, so why should I skip training over something as trivial to him as a period, He doesn’t know what it’s like to get them, no male ever does.” 

Gwyn and Emerie exchanged looks, but remained quiet as they all stretched out, Nesta working through the mass amounts of pain she was in, wincing every now and again as she felt Cassian’s eyes on her. 

He wandered towards her, Gwyn and Emerie sparing a glance towards her as they continued their own exercises before Cassian stopped in front of Nesta, an unreadable look crossing over his face. 

“Your form is all over the place today, Archeron. Is there something wrong?” Cassian asked as Nesta gritted her teeth in exasperation, narrowing her gaze slightly at him. 

“Not at all General.” She growled out, his eyes portraying the fact that he didn’t necessarily believe her. 

“Only if you’re sure.” he told her, seeming to second guess himself, she hated it, the last thing she needed was concern from him of all people. 

“Go back to your other charges, General, I’m fine exactly where I’m at.” 

Cassian’s eyebrows flickered up at the boldness of her statement as he stepped closer, Gwyn and Emerie averting their gaze as Cassian stared down at her 

“I’m the one giving orders right now, Arcerhon. Now give me three me of those push ups. Full ones. Not the half ones you’re trying to pass off today.” 

Nesta’s abdomen cramped in protest, but she refused to let that deter her as she got back on her hands and did one of the push ups Cassian wanted, it was the purest form of torture that Nesta had ever experienced as sweat beaded on her brow. 

She tried to get her body down, her arms trembling as she lowered herself down, Cassian picking up on her stance immediately, 

“Take a rest, Archeron.” He instructed, authority in his tone. Nesta gritted her teeth ignoring his instruction.

“Archeron.” He growled out as she continued to push herself.

“Nesta!” He called out as she collapsed to the ground, huddling into herself in pain as Cassian knelt beside her in concern.

“Nesta, what is it? What happened? Are you-” 

“She’s on her period.” Gwyn blurted out as Nesta shot her a glare, gritting her teeth and huddling in a fetal position to try to quench the pain. 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Cassian inquired, scooping Nesta in his arms, her pain making it nearly impossible to protest. 

Azriel moved over to them, concern lighting his own face as Cassian carried Nesta over to him, explaining, 

“I’m going to take care of Nesta inside, she’ll be out of training for at least a week, can you do me a favor and take over training for the day while I get Nesta what she needs?” 

Azriel nodded, sending Nesta a quick sympathetic look before he proceeded with training and Cassian took Nesta inside depositing her on the couch as he knelt before her.

“Did you take medication before practice?” Cassian inquired making her nod her head in response.

“Alright, I’m going to get you some warm rags to place over your stomach and some water. Don’t move.” Cassian instructed as she wanted to shoot back with the fact that she was in too much pain to go anywhere. ‘

She curled up in the fetal position, convinced that this would help her somehow as Cassian came back with a hot towel and some water, glancing down at her leathers as he asked, 

“I need you to lift up your shirt.” Cassain instructed as Nesta sighed, pulling up the top of her leathers as Cassian placed the warm cloth on her aching belly as she sighed at the slight relief, the glass of water hovering over her lips, 

“Drink.” Cassian instructed as she grabbed the glass taking a sip as he sat back on his heels gazing at her, 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked her as she swore hurt flashed across his features. 

“I didn’t think you would care.” Nesta admitted to him as Cassian took her response in, something similar to guilt crossing his face as he sat down the water on the side table. 

“Of course I care Nesta, I know for a fact that fae periods are painful and can be immobilizing.” Cassian told her as she bit down on her lip. “Why did you think I wouldn’t care?” 

“Because sometimes I feel like my pain is trivial to you, as if it doesn’t matter.” She stated, making Cassian’s eyes soften, 

“I’m sorry I’ve been an asshole here lately, I know I’m not the fairest person at some points, but I do care Nesta, and I want to do better in the future, if you let me that is.” 

Nesta nodded as she rested her head on his shoulder, cuddling up to his warmth as he massaged her back with the end of his wing. And that’s how they stayed, not sure where they stood from here, but laying down their swords at each other’s feet, ready to forge something new as they stayed there, basking in each other’s warmth. Finally once at peace. 

[nfumbewalk]

Crystals, Herbs, Rants

I've always loved crystals. The fascination started as a kid when we visited the coast a few times a year. The old seashore shop was full of glass fishing floats, life saving appartuses, storm worn wood, jewelry (mood rings!!) & lots of toys but mainly LOTS of crystals! Geodes of amethyst & quartz, huge slabs of Obsidian - green & black, like what I have, but much smaller. It is Seaside, Ore. Greatest place on the North coast (Astoria too!).

The Ore. coast should be more known for crystal shops. There's a great one closer to me now in Yachats, Ore. (Said: Yah-hawts) Obvious Native Americans did own this place. 😉Like our Willamette, said Will-am-met, which translates to "valley of sickness." Lovely! Sorry, ADD brain is jumbled.

Back to crystals n shit! They are essential to my work. I don't wave them and get a magic breeze with a "Aahhhh." Nope, get to know me, I'm extremely practical. My crystals are clean, but never, ever saged - because I despise sage & I think that it's an anathema to everything, every energy out there. I would rather go find dry pine needles in the desert and use those. And what's the deal with Dragon's Blood atop of sage? Nightmare of odor! Smoke & mess, no thanks.

I've written books on herbalism (long out of print) and I'm very knowledgeable about plants, resins, oils, tinctures, even marijuana & making hemp oil (known commercially as RSO) for medicine. I did not get ANY of my knowledge from the internet & I find some seriously messed up herbal correspondences online. I got my information from books, but old ones, like Culpeper, Grieve, Agrippa as well as a couple good Witchcraft sources like Sybil Leek & L. Huebner, neither of them being "white" light. Paul Huson is much known & borrowed from for ppl online. Trust me, his stuff does not compare. I also have other Witchcraft books predating 1960 that help me tremendously. Where did I get these?

Hunting old book stores & thrift stores because my town is a freaking *haven* for witchcraft, but not quite my style, so I've always been solitary. I'm much too misanthropic to have any relationship with anyone in person. Online? Sure, just beware of my barbs, though I'm not even close to being a Scorpio. 😅

I'm not claiming to know much, just a lot of little details about certain things & I'm shady on other things. I know what I paid attention to. All goety - good. High magic - mostly, a lot I fudge because I hate Crowley's, Mathers, Regardie's....etc, mumbo jumbo. I won't make an effort and I won't even remember the LBRP! Why? Hated the ritual & all the goddamn vibration. I don't vibrate in my practice, except when I have to - really loud banishment rituals, usually of lesser known demons and amped up strong spirits. Ppl who've known me a long time can attest to my hatred of "ceremonial" magic. Just because ppl call it 'high magic' doesn't make it superior to 'low' magic, or goety.

Some are suited to certain types of magic, everyone has a niche somewhere. The niche can be found quickly, or in my case, it can take 20 years. Never knew that working with muertos would be the my path. Yes, Orisa, and they are equal. Equal I say? Well - I'm NOT in a Orisa religion. I agree with some, but not a lot. I completely disagree with initiations being forced. And they ARE forced. Sorry.

Yeah, pay for this, pay for that. Bollocks. No cash for enlightenment!! I know exactly where the money goes & it's not needed. People raise & board animals for sacrifice. Non-initiates can cook food. Setting up ceremony is not that hard. They want money for fancier soperas & temple goodies. I can understand paying for time, but it doesn't need to cost thousands of dollars.

I told my dad (R.I.P.) about Palo & the prices. His head spun. He said no matter what, religion has nothing to do with money. Man does. Man wants money, he wants the sucker to be culled. - Welcome to one of my lessons of The Con: In's & Out's. Taught by Frank Thorp, best dad ever! I don't con often, but if I ever do, I was taught by the best. That's one thing my brother never got from him. My older brother is kinda dead-to-me because of his "Fake Antifa/Communist" ways. Dude, he's 53 years old. Grow the fuck up. I live with this crap. I'm in a college town. Sucks!

More rants? I just sound old cos I am. Middle-aged & strange. And I have a very interesting present & past full of happy, sad, spooky, synchronicity-laden stories. Hope to blog here. Let's hope for more follows!

[taylorswiftinfluence]

Feminism and Activism

Swift's evolution into a feminist icon and advocate for gender equality is noteworthy. Her vocal stance on issues such as the gender pay gap and the importance of women supporting each other has sparked discussions about sexism not only in the music industry but also in broader societal contexts. However, it's never right for her critics. She's either too vocal and has "the wrong opinion", or she is radio silent on matters and should speak up.

In 2018, she took a very strong stance just before the midterms. On Instagram, she endorsed Democrats for the Tennessee Legislature and called out the Republican running for Senate, Marsha Blackburn.

“She believes businesses have a right to refuse service to gay couples.” “She also believes they should not have the right to marry. These are not MY Tennessee values".

The post was partly to help young fans understand that if they wanted to vote, they had to register. To tell them, as she puts it, “Hey, just so you know, you can’t just roll up.” Some 65,000 new voters registered in the first 24 hours after her post, according to Vote.Org

Trump came to Blackburn’s defense the following day. “She’s a tremendous woman,” he told reporters. “I’m sure Taylor Swift doesn’t know anything about her. Let’s say I like Taylor’s music about 25 percent less now, OK?" Sure, Donald. Let's say that . . .

In April, after a handful of anti-LGBTQ bills in Tennessee were proposed, Swift donated $113,000 to the Tennessee Equality Project, which advocates for LGBTQ rights. She called the legislation and "horrendous" and exclaimed “They don’t call it ‘Slate of Hate’ for nothing.” Taylor admired that the Tennessee Equality Project had organized a petition of faith leaders in opposition. “I loved how smart it was to come at it from a religious perspective."

Meanwhile, the “You Need to Calm Down” music video provoked a Colorado pastor to call Swift “a sinner in desperate need of a savior” and warn that “God will cut her down.” It also reignited a debate within LGBTQ communities about the terms and conditions of allyship and corporatization of Pride. Some critics argued Swift’s pro-LGBTQ imagery and lyrics were overdue and out of the blue. However, for those paying attention, this action was not out of the blue, nor was it for the purpose of capital benefit.

By Time Magazine, she was asked why she became more explicit about LGBTQ rights when she did. She exclaimed, “Rights are being stripped from basically everyone who isn’t a straight white cisgender male." “I didn’t realize until recently that I could advocate for a community that I’m not a part of. It’s hard to know how to do that without being so fearful of making a mistake that you just freeze. Because my mistakes are very loud. When I make a mistake, it echoes through the canyons of the world. It’s clickbait, and it’s a part of my life story, and it’s a part of my career arc."

[pennzance]

Ghostbusters: Port Huron (Episode 26)

Episode 26: The Cavalry

November 3rd, 1998

Preparation report by Amber

Mr. Kaye has gotten in touch and asked me to rally everyone. And he meant EVERYONE. We have a few visiting faces from Detroit and Flint, like Lydia, Dabonovich, Microwave, and Remy, as well as a big name in our business: Dr. Ray Stantz.

Jeremy has been pestering the poor man all day, but to his credit Dr. Stantz has been gracious and excitedly talking with everyone. He’s an interesting man who truly loves all things supernatural, and I can see how a concept like the Ghostbusters would have been born out of his almost youthful energy.

He doesn’t waste time, either. He came in a rental car after landing at Detroit Metro and I don’t think he’s slept in the last twenty-four hours? He was excited to meet us and get a look at Bryan’s research as well as Jeremy’s tech shed. He said our reports have been reviewed by the home office a few times and I was expecting him to chide our professionalism, but instead he talked about them like a good book he’s been reading.  I’ll take the compliment, I guess.

While Eric and Jason are out chasing a lead and Jeremy works on some device I don’t really understand the reason for, Dr. Stantz and Bryan have been doing the loudest form of book-reading research I have ever seen. He brought some books Bryan had apparently only ever heard about and the two of them legitimately geeked out over something called Tobin’s Spirit Guide.

I, in the meantime, have been making sure there’s someplace everyone can sleep. And that they eat food. I was even able to steal some time to spend with Remy, just the two of us. We’ve been seeing each other socially when the workload allows since Eloise. I really like him.

Near dusk, I got a call from Mr. Kaye to come pick him up from Flint. I asked why the crayon eater couldn’t drop him off, and he just told me to come get him, no explanation. Okay, fine. I drove quick, and inside of the hour, he was climbing into my Taurus.

“Thank you, Amber,” he said. He looked tired. And dirty.

“Are you okay, sir?” I asked. “What happened?”

He motioned to the road, and we started to move again. He took a deep breath before he spoke. “My… wife. She passed.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, sir.” I had read Bryan’s research. His wife had passed years ago.

He must have heard suspicion in my voice. “She died, of course, some time ago but she wasn’t… gone. I only just found out.”

“She was a ghost?”

He nodded. There was a tremendous pain in his expression. “I’m sorry, sir,” I tried. “That must… I mean, I can’t imagine-“

“You recently captured your own grandmother, didn’t you?” he asked me suddenly. I wasn’t ready for it. The Taurus swerved a little.

“Um, yes sir. Before Halloween.”

“Did… how are you doing? With that?”

I’d never seen him like this before. Mr. Kaye was a Professional, with a capital P. This was different. He was nearly human. “Well, sir, to be honest I’m fine. My grandma lived a long life, and she passed peacefully in her sleep.”

“Do you miss her?”

“Oh, god, no,” I laughed. “She was a mean old bitch. She hated that I joined the Air Force. She was certain I wouldn’t be able to amount to more than being some rich dentist’s housewife.”

“Hmph. And look at you now,” he said. He was smiling.

“Plus, she threw a cast iron pan at me when I recognized her. Putting her in a trap was satisfying, actually.” I hadn’t admitted that out loud yet, but it felt good to say. “What about your wife?”

I didn’t look at him. I could hear the rawness in his voice. “I didn’t have to put her in a trap. She… she moved on. After seeing me.” He took a shaky breath, I could tell he was trying not to sob. “I didn’t get a chance to tell her how much I miss her.”

“She knew sir.”

“You think so?”

“Yes sir.”

Another ragged, pained breath. And then a deeper, smoother more controlled one. “Thank you.”

“It’s no problem, sir.” We were back on the highway home by now, a sign for Port Huron looming in the distance. “Dr. Stantz is back at the office.”

“Excellent. His expertise should be indispensable.” Back to being a Professional again. Like he’d bottled up all of that hurt from just a minute ago.

“I hope it’s enough. Bryan says we’re, to borrow his phrase, ‘in pretty deep shit.’”

“He’s not wrong.” The silence now was uncomfortable. Eventually he said “So what do you do when you’re in deep shit, Amber?”

I smiled. “Call in the cavalry and ask them to bring some shovels, sir.”

We arrived back at the office in time for Bryan and Dr. Stantz to give us the rundown on what we were up against. I’m not going to pretend I understand all of it, but here’s the long and short of it: Something called Ithaqua is trying to manifest in downtown Port Huron, and we all might be the only chance the world has to stop it. So, you know. No pressure.

[harrison-abbott]

One of the popular boys wanted to beat me up. I found out this news because one of the girls came and told me ... when I was in the playground eating some chocolate raisons. 

“Why does he want to?” I asked her.

She shrugged. 

“I don’t know but you better not go to the bus stop at the end of the day because that’s when he’s gonna do it.”

Uh hu, he was a poppy lad, everybody seemed to love him. They called his name. Hollered his fame; the school turgid in the annals of pre pubescence.

I did not know how to get home without using the bus. 

Nor was there any adult to help me. 

I had gym class that afternoon. Where the lads played basketball in the loud orange gymnasium. I stubbed a finger on the ball. The short sprightly pain was a precursor to the beating I imagined that would take place in public mayhem maybe three hours henceforth. 

The P.E. teacher was the old guard retro likeable gruff sports coach you can imagine from countless sports movies ... except, he was actually real.

A pisstaker but he was cool with the kids. 

I thought about going up to him to speak to him about the fight thing. But I didn’t have the verve. I just didn’t know what I was supposed to say to him to get him to protect me.

Gym class was followed by physics class. I had no inkling for physics or any of its equations or experiments or batteries or mechanics ... or the airy room wherein we sat on stools ... [with the bald six foot five physics teacher who openly flirted with the pretty girls in the class, that, we all liked (the boys, as girls) and he liked them as well. But, he was in his forties and we were teens. 

And the girls thought it was creepy as well. But, he was a teacher, right? And therefore had his powers. He could meet with the parents on parents’ night and not have to do any of that perverse sexual stuff, and he wore his suits well and his shoes often squeaked at the right pitch with their leather pop].

Obviously I couldn’t say a damn morsel to the physics teacher.

And then that class ended. And there was one final chapter of geography at the very end. I liked geography. With the geordie plump woman who could never control her oral volume. Nice woman, though. 

I could never be a teacher. I’m a freak, fuck up. Never have been good with people in any way and children are the worst kind of people and they hate me the most. Bullied all my life. Throughout family hood child hood adulthood, blah blee, a complete muck up with no deserved right to survive.

Such was my thinking when I went up to the bus stop at the end of that day to go and meet this boy who was going to pummel me.

There as an expectant crowd. Box office lines. Carnival glee. That kinda enticement in the air.

I saw the big famous boy standing there ten yards away. He had this posse of lads behind him. Ready to back him up in case things would go wrong.

I weighed about nine stone at this point. Was “skinny like a model” and all of my previous violent escapades had resulted in me as the loser. And yet, he was still afraid of some repercussion. 

It surprised me. The whole icy silence across the crowd. I thought they would all be baying and yomped up on gore. But, all was ... ticktocking in soft pedals, as you’d listen to a clock on a high wall, the fat hand clicking by the seconds.

He came up to me.

I shivered as he approached. What was I supposed to do? There are videos you can watch of boxers thrusting these fists into each others’ faces. It’s as stupid as videogames. And they made one of those bare-knuckle competitions legal in some State recently; I saw that on the news: and there were pictures of the combat, the stage all bathed with blood, and three hundred people watching hungrily. And I thought, what’s the satisfaction in watching anything like that?

He hit me in the face.

It felt psychological.

I thought it was supposed to knock me down but it didn’t. 

Eighty eyeballs were watching. He struck me again. I just took it. It was horrible. Among the worst photographs. There was this tremendous zeal in me - to smack him right back. Hollywood punches. Uppercut. Muhammed Ali. All of that shit which is never real. Ali’s fights weren’t real either. He was a boxer. 

The bus appeared at the end of the street.

He’d hit me twice in the face. I hadn’t retaliated.

This meant that he’d won.

He smiled, and slapped me playfully on the cheek. And then left. 

The bus came and the forty folks got on it, including me. And throughout the whole journey all I could hear was the mass relish about this amazing battering.