#i really have disassociated for long periods of this year

[halfelven]

sooooooo anyone else’s spotify wrapped totally showing their mental breakdown this year?

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

[antimisinfo]

Not realy misinfo but something we could really use some clarification on if y'all can help:

what even actually constitutes amnesia in a disassociative context. 'Cause like weve figured out we have some big holes in our memory as well as that thing where we find ourselves forgetting little things like what we were doing or where we put stuff (even if we just put it down in some cases). But like is that amnesia or is that just adhd forgetfulness; or like where even is the line between the two

i'm assuming you mean dissociative amnesia so i'm just going to explain what that is / what counts as dissociative amnesia !! ^^ ((feel free to clarify otherwise))

" Dissociative amnesia is when you can’t remember important information about yourself. These memories are often distressing or upsetting events. It’s most likely to happen with severe or long-term trauma, especially experiencing abuse, neglect or violence of any kind. This condition is treatable, and most people can regain their memories. "

there are two types of dissociative amnesia, Retrograde and Anterograde.

" Retrograde: This is when dissociative amnesia affects finding old memories. It’s like a glitch or error that keeps you from accessing or checking out a specific memory.

Anterograde: This is when dissociative amnesia blocks the formation or storage of new memories. It’s like a gap in the recording or your brain misplacing the book after creating it. This form is less common than retrograde dissociative amnesia. "

the different types of memory loss plausible with dissociative amnesia:

" Localized: Memory loss affects everything within a short, specific time period in your life.

Selective: Memory loss affects one event or all events of a certain type within a specific time period in your life. Experts sometimes call this “patchy” amnesia because it affects certain memories but not others.

Generalized: Memory loss affects everything within a longer period (months or years).

Continuous: This is the anterograde form of dissociative amnesia. “Anterograde” means it affects your ability to form new memories, so this is memory loss that happens as events occur.

Systematized: Memory loss that affects everything under a particular topic or category. It can also apply to a specific person or multiple people (like your family). "

other traits related to dissociative amnesia are:

" Lack of awareness. People with dissociative amnesia may not realize they have gaps in their memory. This can last until memory loss affects part of their sense of identity or if someone brings up or asks something a person knows they should remember but can’t.

Flashbacks. People with dissociative amnesia may develop flashbacks as they regain their memories. A flashback is more than just remembering something unpleasant. People who have them describe them as reliving a traumatic event or experience to the point where they can’t tell it apart from reality.

Confusion or disorientation. People with dissociative amnesia (especially the generalized form) may seem unaware, or like they’re having trouble understanding what’s going on around them. In very severe cases, people may not seem or be aware of their own identity.

Relationship and trust issues. People with dissociative amnesia often have trouble forming friendships or romantic attachments.

Travel or wandering (dissociative fugue). When someone wanders or travels during a period they can’t remember, it’s known as dissociative fugue. This is rare, and the memory loss usually only affects brief periods. "

also heres a few other sources on dissociative amnesia that could help a little:

MSD manuals - dissociative amnesia

NIH - national library of medicine - dissociative amnesia

mayoclinic - dissociative disorders

apologies if this wasn't very helpful, i'm not 100% sure i understood the question but i hope this helps at least a little bit! i believe your issues may count, but since i'm not a professional and i don't know you well i can't really tell you if it is or isn't dissociative amnesia

also for the differences between amnesia and general forgetfulness:

"Amnesia is when a person can no longer recall information stored in their memory. There are many types of amnesia. Their symptoms can overlap, and a person can have multiple types.

A person who is a little forgetful in their day-to-day life does not have amnesia. Amnesia refers to a large-scale loss of long-term memory due to illness, brain injury, or psychological trauma."

also i'm pretty sure general forgetfulness does not apply to trauma or personal information, so theres another big difference

[pumpkinsy0]

hello favorite outsiders acc ever, i saw you say you hc ponyboy with bpd on your mental health post for everyone. can you expand on your thoughts a little more? would love to hear them :3

heyyyy super cool anon whats uppp :33

AND IVE WAITED SO LONG FOR SOMEONE TO ASK ME ABOUT THIS, THERE IS A GOD🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

i hope this gives u a general idea as to what i mean, and for anyone who realizes when say something wrong, pls do correct me about it i hope i portrayed everything correctly🙏🏽🙏🏽

ALRIGHT SO PONY W BPD

•allow me to preface by saying im not hc’ing 14 year old pony w bpd, its him when he gets older where it presents itself, if i remember correct, bpd shows its symptoms when ppl r like around 18 and into their 20’s??? around that time period is where it peaks, so this is more of an older ponyboy thing

•now as for how he got it, we can throw in obvious factors such as his parents dying, his friends dying, but one i think is swept under the rug a bit is that he pretty much has to be pretty worried about getting jumped or harmed somehow, its not like he lives in a safe area

•however even if u dont wanna believe that bit about getting jumped, bpd is typically associated w long term trauma’s but single event traumas can also lead u into having bpd, especially in ponys case where the deaths in his life happened pretty close to each other, so either way u flip it i think its pretty believable

•i think the first symptom he’d really feel the effect of first is that numbness, in the book its canon that pony constantly lies to himself and this is just one if the things he lies to himself about as he grows up, he tells himself that its just a passing thing or he just straight up fakes his emotions to not pay attention to that

•pony has a HUGE fear of abandonment, i dont think i gotta explain myself here its pretty obvious, however this does lead to him having paranoia about the ppl he loves dying, even disassociating for a while over it and he needs constant reassurance

•his disassociating leads to him missing a lot of time and not working on things he rlly should b

•when it comes to his self image pony just, doesnt know WHAT he wants, he doesnt have a clear sense of who he is, his values change, his friends change, he doesnt know whats going on w himself at all and he lays in bed a lot of the time just thinking about it

•going back to this feeling of emptiness, it causes pony to act impulsively just to cope, he smokes a lot, he drives recklessly, and he binge eats, and all this just complicates how he feels about himself which circles back to him not knowing what he wants from himself

•and then finally, pony constantly contradicts himself, for example, pony says he wants to build these close relationships, however he keeps pushing ppl that want to help him away, mostly bc hes scared that they’ll leave him, but then be has these moments where hes begging for them to be with him again but he pushes them away once again and its a weird cycle for him, and as soon as he realizes what hes doing he shuts himself off bc he feels like a bad person

•when it comes to his mood, i think he knows that he keeps on switching up how he feels, and bc of that after he goes through his mood swings and he realizes what he's done, he feels this sense of shame and then tried to just not talk at all just to “save himself”

•bc this is pony when hes older i could see this affecting his grades quite a but and that gets darry to get on him about it, and his relationship w darry is where that unstable relationship bit comes into play

•HOWEVERRRRR bc of how he responds to darry, that leads soda into stepping in to try and help but pony just feels like hes being laughed at????persecuted???? idk the word for it, but it makes pony feel worse so he can go from loving soda, to then wanting to not be around him within a few minutes, so his relationship w soda is where it becomes more obvious when it comes to unstable relationships

• now bc bpd and bp both have similar symptoms/effects on a person, and i hc angela as having bp, i could see curly recognizing the similarities between the two and he tries helping pony when he can, but at the end of the day, curly is one person and he doesnt know what to do, bc he doesnt have the resources available to help, he can barely help himself

•maybe curly got darry and soda to realize something was up w pony or somethin

gonna stop myself here bc i refuse to go on a yap sesh lmao

[maniacwatchestheworld]

A Basic Guide to Harvey "Two-Face" Dent for Misha stans

With love, from a Two-Face fan who hasn't watched Supernatural and doesn't really intend on watching Gotham Knights.

Now before getting into this, you need to keep in mind that Harvey Dent (at the time of his creation, Harvey Kent) was a character first introduced to comics in 1942, and even within Batman canon, he is one of the most wildly inconsistently written characters. If you pick up any two stories that feature Two-Face in them at random, you are very likely to get two entirely different characters. As such, there are dozens of entirely valid ways of interpreting and writing his character, so what I write here is either based off of general consensus or my own personal opinion on the character.

If you are already a Two-Face fan who is reading this, I'm not trying to diminish your preferred way of interpreting the character and would be perfectly happy with discussing our differences in opinion in a separate post, but here I'm just trying to make a somewhat digestible guide to his character for newbies based off of my own perception of him and what I've heard about his character from Gotham Knights and what might appeal to his fans. If you disagree, you're welcome to write a similar post about him yourself.

Overview

Harvey Dent is Gotham City's District Attorney. He's actually a legal genius and savant. (He is also just generally DAMN smart when written well!) He became District Attorney at a very young age (~26 years old, making him the youngest District Attorney that Gotham has ever had,) and is the best damn lawyer in all of Gotham! At his best, he was locking up criminals left and right no one could stop him, and this ended up ticking off Gotham's criminal underworld. As District Attorney, he would work alongside Batman and Commissioner Gordon to make his convictions stick, which is something other District Attorneys before him couldn't do. For this, the public loved him. This also makes Arkham Asylum and Blackgate Prison exceedingly dangerous places for him to be, as a good percentage of their residents are there because of him.

Harvey Dent is Bruce Wayne's best friend. Sometimes they are even childhood friends! At the latest, they became friends after Bruce had already become Batman, but usually they are long-time friends, sometimes meeting as kids, though also often meeting in college. (They both went to Gotham University.) I think there are some iterations where they're even college roommates! They tend to have been very close in college. Regardless of when they met, they found kindred spirits within one another as they each sought to bring justice to this city that they love in their own ways. Because of this kinship, the two got extremely close and were the best of friends before Harvey's incident.

Harvey Dent is an abuse survivor. When he was a kid, Harvey's father would beat him and his mother. But his father made a game of it. The details sometimes change a little, but in essence his father would flip a coin. If it landed heads, he would beat Harvey. If it landed tails, then he wouldn't have to be punished. The coin was heads on both sides.

Harvey Dent is neurodivergent. Most iterations of Two-Face have OCD and many (but not all) are plural, presumably with some form of Dissociative Identity Disorder. It is generally thought that his childhood abuse caused him to have these conditions. After leaving his father's control, Harvey was able to get a handle on his OCD tendencies and deeply suppressed his one other disassociated identity. However, if Harvey experiences high levels of stress or anger over a prolonged period of time, that could make these two conditions show themselves again. When the incident that melted half of his face off happened, these conditions came back to stay. He is indeed legally insane. But this is because of his OCD (specifically how he flips a coin to make all of his decisions), and NOT because of his plurality! Note: Plurality is more common that you probably think it is. It's estimated that 1-5% of people are plural. I've also spoken to at least 2 people who are plural or system members that dearly love Two-Face as a character. Two-Face is very unusual as a system (you are a lot more likely to find a system of 12 members than one of as few as 2), but I have no doubt that systems that work like him are out there. Because of all of this, I try my best to be sensitive and understanding towards plural people at all times while in this fandom space. I can not speak for them as I am not plural myself, but I am always trying to listen to plural voices and learn from them. I would ask that while you're in this space that you try to do the same. All of the plural people and system members that I've spoken to and know want to be thought of and addressed to as different people, and therefore I try to think of Harvey and Two-Face the same way that I would a real plural person, and see them as different characters. When I say "Harvey Dent" (full name) I'm usually talking about the general character and in-universe legal identity or the body. When I say "Two-Face" I usually mean their shared criminal identity or Harvey's "dark side" as this is the generally accepted way to refer to him by. For the sake of this post I will try to generally refer to "Harvey's dark side"/"Two-Face" (the character) as "Harvey's associate" or "the Associate" to more clearly differentiate him from Harvey. Harvey is Harvey.

Duality and the Number 2

Since Harvey and his Associate have OCD, they get compulsions and obsessions that they can't entirely control. In their case, they have a particular fixation on the concept of duality and the number 2.

They often theme their crimes around the number 2, be that having them take place on the 2nd or 22nd of the month and starting at 2:00 am, the locations having 2 in them like 2222 Doubleday Street or the Second National Bank, or conceptually relating the to number 2, like kidnapping twins, or stealing two-of-a-kind, matching artifacts. If the scheme can do two things at once, like receiving a payout AND killing Batman (killing two birds with one stone), that's even better!

They think in very dualistic ways and try to apply those themes to themselves. Harvey is good, the Associate is evil. Harvey is clean and calculated, the Associate is messy and unpredictable. Harvey is friendly and polite, the Associate is mean and rude. The Associate might also do things that he knows Harvey wouldn't for the sake of 'balance' or being Harvey's opposite. They might also try to apply this duality when it comes to their relations to other characters. Batman is good, they are evil. Batman represents order, they represent chaos. Whether these statements are actually true or not may not reflect the reality of their characters, but they want it to.

Expect lots of puns around the number 2 and for them to get agitated when other numbers that don't relate to the number 2 to get brought up.

The Coin

The origin of Two-Face's coin varies between iterations. The original story from 1942 had it as a piece of evidence. It was the good luck charm of a mob boss that Harvey was trying to put away and was a piece of evidence that placed said mob boss at the scene of a crime. This mob boss was the same one that tried to melt Harvey's face off. Harvey would keep the coin after the incident, for some reason. Later on, the coin was rewritten to previously belong to Harvey's father as I wrote about above. In this iteration of the coin's backstory, Harvey's father gave Harvey the coin and Harvey kept it as a good luck charm.

The coin is usually a silver dollar, minted in 1922 and has the heads side on both sides. However one of these heads has been defaced and is all scratched up, making the coin fair again. Clean heads is considered to be the 'heads' side and is often referred to as 'good heads.' The scratched side is considered to be the 'tails' side and is often referred to as 'bad heads.' Harvey and his Associate feel a kinship with this coin, Harvey being represented by the good heads, and the Associate being represented by the bad heads.

Often times their OCD leaves Harvey and his Associate unable to make decisions and so they have a compulsion to flip their special coin to make their decisions for them. This will sometimes be used as a tie-breaker between Harvey and his Associate- if they get good heads, they do what Harvey wants, if they get bad heads, they do what the Associate wants. Other times when it comes to more neutral decisions, good heads will represent yes and bad heads will represent no (Example: Do we talk to this person? Good heads, yes. Bad heads, that person can fuck off). However most famously, they flip the coin to choose the morality of their actions with good heads being they do the moral thing and bad heads meaning they do the immoral thing. They are known to flip their coin to decide whether or not to kill. Good heads, the person lives. Bad heads, the person dies.

Because of their compulsion to flip their coin to make decisions, they will often end up doing things that they don't actually want to because the coin told them to. This also does occasionally lead to Harvey and his Associate helping Batman out and actually doing the right thing.

About the cooler Harvey (aka "Harv", "Two-Face", "Big Bad Harv", "Harvey's Associate" or "Harvey's dark side")

In plural terms, the Associate usually starts off as a Protector- a system member that protects other members of a system from harm (external or internal), but has become a Persecutor- a system member who does harm to others, be that to the body, other system members, or people outside the system, often because they think this will somehow help the system.

It is very likely that the Associate also holds Harvey's anger and trauma, and may have experienced the brunt of the abuse they have been subjected to. Because of this, the Associate is known to lash out and hurt others.

Before Harvey becomes Two-Face, his Associate will sometimes come out to the front, but only a little. He may pop up when Harvey is under a lot of stress for a long period of time or when he gets exceedingly angry. He may also come out any time Harvey gets into any kind of physical altercation with someone.

Where Harvey usually keeps his temper under control and is not likely to fly off the handle, the Associate has MAJOR anger management issues! The Associate WILL fight you with his fists if you provoke him enough.

The Associate is NOT nice! He is mean and cruel and sadistic. He is usually more brutal and violent than Harvey. Where Harvey might want to do things nice and clean, the Associate isn't afraid of letting things get messy. When they kill, you can usually assume that the Associate was the one to pull the trigger.

The Associate HATES Harvey for suppressing him for so many years. The Associate tends to see Harvey as weak, ineffectual, and a coward, unable and unwilling to do what actually needs to get done. For this, the Associate does not like it when Harvey gets to front and will often do what he can to shove Harvey into the back. Because of this, Harvey may not be seen fronting for long periods at a time.

The Associate and Harvey are often seen to be co-conscious and may co-front.

In many iterations of these characters, Harvey has often tried to get rid of his Associate, but it never tends to stick.

The Associate often REVELS in their compulsions where Harvey is upset and disturbed by them.

While the Associate is often a viscous and cruel thug, that doesn't mean that he is entirely unsympathetic. The instances of him being genuinely sympathetic are rare, but they are out there! Therefore he should be thought of as more than just an 'evil alter ego.' Just like real life Persecutor system members, they shouldn't be considered to be purely malicious and evil, but should rather be a character who deserves understanding and help just like any other system member character would!

Harvey Dent's Love Life

Just so you know, BruHarvey/TwoBats (Bruce Wayne/Harvey Dent) is indeed the most popular ship that Harvey has. To you people who immediately started shipping the two, just know that you're not alone in feeling the gay vibes from them and that these two do indeed refuse to be straight about their relationship in a lot of the media that they share! Most Harvey fans that I know do indeed ship BruHarvey, and there is some good media out there that have a lot of BruHarvey vibes!

Harvey is often married or engaged at the start of his story. His wife is usually Gilda Gold who (when we know that she has a job) is a very skilled sculptor. She likes sculpting Harvey's face because he's beautiful, even sometimes calling him by the nickname "Apollo."

Gilda may or may not be the Holiday Killer- A serial killer who targets mobsters and kills them on holidays (Christmas, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Valentines Day, etc).

In the current mainline DC continuity, Gilda is dead. Harvey is a widower. In previous continuity they had gotten (understandably) divorced.

Other characters that Harvey has dated include Poison Ivy (who wanted to kill him) and Catwoman (who wanted to steal from him). Given that and how Gilda is sometimes the Holiday Killer, and you can comfortably say that Harvey has questionable taste in women.

Harvey falls in love HARD and FAST! As an example, in Batman: the Animated Series, he knew Ivy for a week before proposing to her. He does something similar with a different woman later in the series (a Gilda analogue, so that one partially works out).

Often Harvey wants to have kids. He seems pretty down with the idea of adopting.

Harvey Dent's relations to other characters that may appear

Dick Grayson (1st Robin): They hate each other. Early on in his career as Robin, Two-Face almost beat him to death. Dick has decidedly not forgiven him for this.

Jason Todd (2nd Robin): Not always the most friendly with each other, but have worked together in the pages of Task Force Z (which is a specialized Suicide Squad task force that consists of undead supervillains). In Task Force Z, there were kinda vibes that Harvey was the team dad who was just trying his best (but sucked at his job) while Jason was his angsty son with anger issues. Jason's biological father was killed by Two-Face (he worked for/owed money to Two-Face. He didn't pay back, so he was killed), but at this point Jason doesn't really seem to hold a grudge over it. Probably Two-Face's favorite Robin since he's the second Robin.

Tim Drake (3rd Robin): The story that introduced Tim Drake (A Lonely Place of Dying) was a Two-Face story, so in a way, you could say that Two-Face pushed Tim into taking on the role. (Otherwise I personally don't know much about their relationship.)

Commissioner Gordon: They used to be good friends back when Harvey was Gotham's District Attorney. They used to work together a lot, but now they seem to have 0 issues with the idea of killing Gordon.

Other notes:

He has almost no consistent visual design outside of 'male,' 'face is half messed up,' and 'split suits'. While he's usually supposed to have brown hair and green eyes (to make him look different from Bruce), this isn't always stuck to. Hell! There are a handful of iterations of Two-Face that are black!

Harvey Dent/Two-Face are decently influential characters within popular culture. You know the quote, "You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain." ...? That quote comes from The Dark Knight (2008 film) and is said by Harvey before he becomes Two-Face and ends up being about him. Also the quote of "He isn't the hero we deserve, but he is the hero we need" relates to Harvey as well, though it's spoken about Batman. Also apparently this is a meme that exists and was apparently popular on Reddit, and I only just now learned of it soooo... Pop culture contributions yay?

Recovery is precedented for Harvey! In his original appearance in the 1940's, Harvey actually decided to turn away from his life of crime for the sake of the woman who became his wife and got his face fixed after she proved that she still loved him in spite of his disfiguration. Apparently in the 1980's newspaper strips, Harvey went on to recover there as well! And he even kept his scars that time! (You can actually read this story on Tumblr here!) However in most iterations, when Harvey 'gets better' he usually takes the turn for the worst at some point and sadly goes back to being Two-Face again. But for the most part, Harvey wants to recover and get better, but his Associate wants them to get worse.

A long post, I know. But I hope that you find this helpful or at least mildly interesting! If you have any other questions, feel free to ask! I'd be more than happy to try and answer to the best of my ability! If you made it this far, color me impressed! And if you are indeed a Misha stan who's new to this space, I'm happy to see you here! I hope you have a good day! Love you!

[watercloud7]

- [ ] Turtle tot Raph headcanons

- [❤️] Eldest sibling syndrome

- [🐢] I red a fic where splinter had PTSD and depression from all those years in the battle nexus, he would disassociate for ages Some times more then a week just sitting there on the couch, watching commercials, completely spaced out and i agree.

- [❤️] Splinter would have to be gone for days atta time, gathering supplies and what not.

- [🐢] When he’s awake and present he’s an amazing dad, he plays and feeds and looks after them. He has a folder for each of his sons on how to best care for them individually.

- [❤️] But when the episodes start and he can’t wake up at all…

- [🐢] The very first time Raph had been terrified but quickly designated himself as his baby brothers care taker during splinters “ absences”.

- [❤️] Whatever kind they were.

- [🐢] He’s the oldest and he spends the most time with dad, he’d be careful to pay attention on how their father looked after their little family so Raph could replicate it when he had to be in charge.

- [❤️] Raph read everything his father wrote about him and his siblings, all the information splinter gathered on them and how each liked their food made and other specific needs.

- [🐢] Baby Raph would Cloths and feed and play and comfort and reassure that dad was coming back.

- [❤️] Either from top side or from another depressive episode.

- [🐢] He would put up a brave face and smile for them, covering up his fear of being abandoned and having to take care of everything without really knowing what to do.

- [❤️] This one time splinter had gone for so long they almost ran out of food and Raph had to pretend like he wasn’t hungry so his baby brothers would finish the last pot noodles they had left.

- [🐢] he cried himself to sleep on the long period of time where splinter is out of it or just straight up gone.

- [❤️] Sometimes when all his siblings are asleep and he doesn’t wanna worry them he sneaks into splinters room and curls up on his lap wishing he’d come out of it soon.

- [🐢] Raph got really scared of them running out of food and his sibling starving, or simply something bad happening and not knowing what to do.

- [❤️] When the inevitable happened and one of splinters outings/ episodes lasted long enough that they really did run out…

- [🐢] Raph decided to break their few household rules and leave the sewers in search for food.

- [❤️] Splinter had taken him topside once, not to far from the lair, showing him the ropes briefly, just in case.

- [🐢] He gathered his crying siblings together, they were all very anxious and upset at the idea of being separated from both their primary caretakers.

- [❤️] Despite one of them still being a literal child.

- [🐢] So Raph put on lu jitsu movies for them and covered them up in heavy blankets because he knows that always puts them right to sleep.

- [❤️] And hopefully, they’d sleep long enough for him to go and come back with food.

- [🐢] The entire time he was out looking, his heart felt like it was at the bottom of his stomach.Being away from his baby brothers like this made him feel sick, and the thousands of horrible scenarios running through his mind of them waking up or getting bored and wandering deeper into the sewers or simply hurting themselves, plain in simple did not help.

- [❤️] He was so scared of getting caught by a human he almost runs back to his little family, but he just couldn’t let them starve like that.

- [🐢] He’s still the big brother.

- [❤️] That’s actually the first time they ate pizza, after Raph brought a couple back all by himself. *saw a bunch of nice smelling flat carton boxes on a delivery scooter unattended and just swiped them*

- [🐢] Raph also hand fed mikey for a really long time cause Mikey loved sitting on his lap and claimed the food tasted better when Raph made airplane noises for him.

- [❤️] Even though these memories bring him pride for being able to protect and look after his brothers they’re also a massive source of trauma and the root of his separation anxiety.

- [🐢] Whenever splinter came out of his episodes or topside he’d always make up for it with big breakfasts and presents and kisses and hugs.

- [❤️] But that was only when they were really small and Raph would cling onto him for days afterwards for comfort.

- [🐢] He’d praise and love up on all of them but especially on Raphael because he wanted to let him know how proud and thankful he was to have such a dedicated and responsible son.

- [❤️] Eventually though Raph got bigger and more experienced, him taking care of everything for days or even weeks atta time wasn’t a challenge anymore, it wasn’t scary anymore.

- [🐢] It was simply routine. If Dad was out, Raph was in.

- [❤️] So splinter didn’t feel the need to “ make up” for his absence, because Raph always has it covered without any kind of complaints.

- [🐢] He still lets Raph know how much he loves and appreciate him though, he’s just less expressive about it then when he was a child.

- [❤️] His sibling, especially Mikey run to him for physical affection when they’re really upset. But then again Mikey is clingy with all of his big brothers.

- [💙💜🧡] Leo, Donnie and Mikey only have positive memories of their childhood and remember those episodes as something fun because Raph always made sure they were never scared.

[caralara]

Hey can I ask what makes you think they’ve been broken up for 1+ years?

hi anon

It’s many little things tbh, and mostly based on my feelings, so nothing concrete. Here a few things (absolutely not an exhaustive list):

RBB & SBB’s phone number contract didn’t get renewed after YEARS 6 months ago, so some time before that someone must have decided it’s time to stop

there was a period where louis posted a lot of sad, resigned songs, and also the preshow playlist for FITF was quite angsty (I know he doesn’t create it only on his own but he does a lot of it)

His “signalling” got quite diffuse, as in didn’t make sense to me anymore (I do believe that bbg is disconnected from Larry to a certain degree at this point, and I also do believe that atp louis and harry use bluegreening signalling as a marketing ploy bc they know a massive part of their fanbases are larries - esp louis)

He made some comments about moving on, making his peace with something

I do believe that Eleanor is pretty much running parallel to harry, and when they didn’t revive Sophie from that miserably little short lived stunt, there probably was no reason to have that “safety net” of a het partner

He seemed quite disassociated during FITFWT, but not in a concerning way iykwim? I know I felt like that after I had broken off my last serious long term relationship.

that’s just a few little things that added up over the months, if I think of more to pinpoint I’ll add them!

but just as a reminder, I do think they’re each others love of their lives, but sometimes love just isn’t enough for a practical everyday life partnership, yk? I’ll always believe that Larry was a thing, and also way beyond the band, and mind you that child still is not his son

But I think it’s okay for them to move on. Who knows, they might find back to each other, but I think it’s important they find themselves independently from each other

That relationship was really toxic for a long time (but which teenage relationship under those circumstances wouldn’t be? It doesn’t mean it was bad per se)

[detentiontrack]

gus i dont think those are “voices” in your head, i think you might have some form of DID/OSDD

See, I would think that too because the voices in my head do have specific personalities and names and “roles” (for lack of a better term) but the thing is, I don’t have any moments where I feel like someone else. I’m me 100% of the time, even when feeling really triggered or distressed. I don’t have any amnesia or long periods of disassociation. I’m always very grounded in my body as Augustus. That isn’t consistent with the diagnosis of DID or OSDD 1b. Plus these symptoms started in my teen years AFTER the majority of my trauma, and from what I’ve read (and I could be wrong because I’m not the most educated on dissociative disorders, I only have my associates degree in psychology) DID/OSDD starts around childhood while the trauma is actually occurring. I have a lot of family history of schizophrenia, and other psychotic disorders so as scary as those diagnoses are, I think they’re more likely because I’m predisposed both environmentally and genetically and I’m right around the age these disorders usually present/worsen

[gowns]

In regards to your repression post: aside from the obvious answer (therapy) what are some exercises or things we can do to tackle/acknowledge/defeat repression? If you can suggest any.

i think it really is so individual to different people. therapy will help (it helped me; i found a very progressive therapist who is familiar with trauma). a lot of self-reflection.

for me: reading about zen helped. i'm not very good at meditating (too much bonkers stuff going on up there) but i really like reading about zen concepts and what people get out of it. books that i read that helped me grasp zen were, in this order, the long quiet highway, you are here, nothing special, then goodbye things and the concept of minimalism (what are the things in your life that matter to you, and what is clutter?). also, previously i have been helped by reading books about how trauma manifests in your body, like "the body keeps the score," but now i know that guy is problematique so i would check out alternative books like what my bones know.

that was all kind of like the baseline stuff that was scaffolding for helping me get to a better position to grasp what came to me last year...

... which was a deeper understanding of my own sexuality, identity, how i relate to other people, how i present, feeling embodied instead of disassociating, actually feeling sensations instead of it all being mental. in other words, a deeper acceptance of the fact that i am gay and that queer sex makes me whole.

now, for me, that all started with deep vulnerable conversations with friends about sexuality, identity, desires, dreams. long, long conversations. having more LGBTQ friends. being more in community with people. putting myself out there more, not isolating myself, feeling like an island unto myself.

--

i must repeat: i think that the seed for unrooting repression can be many different things, for many different people.

for me, i found myself in a position where i was a parent of two, in a seemingly cis hetero marriage, experiencing years of isolation. this isolation was mostly self-imposed! my partner has always been very supportive of me in anything i wanted to do. i just had no concept of my own wants and desires anymore. i had been in a caretaker role for so long that any concept of a personal "want" was buried deep underground.

how did this happen? i have always been against the status quo, in concept. but i felt a nebulous social pressure to "perform" motherhood, marriage, nuclear family structure, to wear makeup a certain way, to have sex a certain way... i was living in an unquestioned "normalcy" which was actually actively harmful to me.

i am usually coy about this on this blog, but i'll tell you right out, i started actively dating again and engaging with new sexual ideas and i was astonished that it just... made me feel so real, so myself, in a way that years of therapy and different medications have never done.

over the past several years, in periods of re-experiencing trauma or being triggered, i felt asexual. i would often have to be very drunk or very high to enjoy sex. i felt separate from my body.

now i feel whole again. i feel lit up all over.

like: i sat down and tried to learn the piano this year, and i was amazed that for the first time, in a very long time, there was a connection between my brain, my hands, my ears, and i was capable of being fully embodied in that way too, being able to use my hands to make music, having the plasticity in my brain to learn new things.

--

tldr: i think the answer is different for everyone. for me, it was embracing my nature as an unabashed flirt and local lothario. for you? it could be writing a love song and performing it. it could be finally writing the book laced with details of family secrets you've always been afraid to write. it could be just, like, buying a leather harness, and enjoying the sensation of the leather against your skin. we're only here once (in this form of consciousness)! enjoy the ride!

[thecranewivesrpf]

vent it's 1am

sometimes I see posts about people's parents being supportive of their interests, and I wonder what I could've had about that.

instead I'll sit in my room, smiling, laughing at a funny video, chatting with my friend, having fun and enjoying myself in my little safe space and I'll hear my dad laugh from downstairs and I'll wonder if it's at me.

why do I like the things I do? isn't it pathetic you're so invested in fucking minecraft roleplay? these creators will never know your name, but you still hold the time jimmy briefly said your name out loud on stream dear to your heart despite the fact you didn't even clip it, it just plays in your head sometimes. hi chewby, he said along with a long list of other names. he doesn't think about it and yet it felt like you existed for a moment.

it's unreasonable and incredibly paranoid, but sometimes I get scared and look through my phone for keyloggers that might've been installed, try and dig around my room for cameras and get scared new people I meet are my dad trying to fool me into trusting someone to tear it away and laugh. Point at the heartfelt messages I said to them and say isn't that pathetic? you trusted someone that much so quickly, this thing you said was so stupid. why did you say that? what's wrong with you? you're a fucking freak.

my mom says she tries not to let him have an effect on her life, don't be mad, stay apathetic. I would if I could. I'm terrified.

my only safe space had been torn away before, and it was one of the worse periods of my life. I was so disassociated I can't really tell you what happened in that time. I remember seeing a wildflower growing between the fence on my way home from school and crying. that flower got me through that day. I'm so scared of that happening again.

I pretend to nod along, I agree with every horrible thing he says, I have an entire horrible transphobic and bigoted story written out for how I use each social media I do use, and it's all to make sure he's happy and okay with me. I don't genuinely give a shit what he thinks, but I consider his opinion on everything I do to make sure I have a decent cover up story or way to hide it. I've done a lot, even as a kid to keep up that innocent perfect kid persona, even if then I didn't have a real reason to. I have zero respect for that man and yet I bow to him because I'm terrified. sometimes I wish I could've smiled and told him about the lmanburg flag I was sewing 2 years ago, and he would've smiled and listened to me talk. I think that conversation was ammunition. I hate talking about myself already, and I have extra internalized fear about my interests now. I assume everyone thinks I'm pathetic outside of my bubble, and it surprises me every time I see someone outside of the mcyt community not clowning on us or putting dni in their bio, thinking we're just weirdos. we're wonderful weirdos, I love what we've made here, but it's been ingrained into me to hate myself for what makes me happy.

I wish I didn't have to filter my thoughts. have cover up interests, pretend I'm so invested in a video game I haven't played in months. I've picked up my sister is masking and sucking up to him too. I feel bad for her.

im tired. I escape here and it's so wonderful, I can talk to people that make me happy and understand and won't lecture me and make me feel pathetic over the tiniest slip of my words. people will cheer with me, make me feel not alone, I love you all so much. you'll listen to me be happy, think about things that make me happy and interest me. even if I'm incoherent, even if you don't know what I'm talking about, even if it's too late and I'm making too many typos, I love you. I love you I love you I love you.

[amyintherapy]

Embodying Feelings & Disassociation

Trigger warning: There will be brief mention of self harm and sexual abuse in this post.

I started therapy for the first time at the end of 8th grade. I was 13. I got pretty lucky and was a good match with my first therapist. Still, it took me a while to start to really open up to him about the hard stuff. I want to say that it was probably at least six months before I told him about my sexual abuse. I don't know when I told him about my experiences with disassociation, but I remember it being extremely hard to tell him, similar to the SA info. At the time, I had heard of PTSD, but I knew of it as something soldiers get from witnessing war. I knew it could make veterans react to fireworks as if they were bombs, but that was about all I knew about it, from what I recall. I had no idea what else could 'cause' it - if anything, or what the symptoms really were. I had never heard of disassociation.

So, when I'd get really triggered and felt like I was watching myself from up in the clouds...I thought this was something similar to a delusion or hallucination. I worried it might be something like schizophrenia that I was experiencing. As a result, it was a super scary thing to share. But I did, and he explained what disassociation was. When I was later referred out for diagnosis and meds, I was diagnosed with PTSD with features of depersonalization and derealization. I think I was 14 then.

So, I've been familiar with disassociation for a long time now. I don't know exactly when, but somewhere along the way I learned that it wasn't just when I felt like I was watching myself (which has always been a fairly rare occurrence for me), but also when I felt numb and disconnected from myself, which I experience more often. I started self-harming really young, and cutting in middle school and throughout most of high school. I don't remember when I realized that cutting was something that could take me out of disassociation. I think it was before I really knew what disassociation was, I just knew it helped me to sort of come out of the "frozen depression" type feeling. After a few years of therapy as a teen I was able to stop cutting. My mental health was in a better place, I had gained some coping skills, I hated myself less, etc. But I'd still disassociate at times, and I didn't know how to get rid of it other than to wait it out. So that's what I've done for years now when I've experienced it. And that's been okay, but I'd rather be able to "snap out of it" if I could. So, a recent experience that I had feels like a big deal.

For 2 or 3 weeks I was stuck in disassociation. My mind kept circling back to stuff related to identifying as being emotionally neglected. So I knew that was the cause somehow. Yet, I wasn't really feeling much. I was kind of numb emotionally and physically, while my mind felt extra hyperactive. I was making a lot of realizations in my head, but they didn't feel true, at the same time. I think most people have experiences like this. Examples might be...logically I know if I make a mistake, that is just me being human and is not a good reason for anyone to hate me. Yet when I make a mistake that impacts someone I care about, I still can't help but FEEL like they might hate me now, even though logically I know that isn't likely. Or, logically I know that the odds that a sound I just heard outside at midnight were likely a racoon or something...but I can't help but feel worried that it's a "bad guy". I have plenty of discrepancies between my logical and emotional brains that I've just kinda learned to live with for the most part. But over this few week period, I was changing my perspective of my childhood logically, but not emotionally, and that disconnect was new for me in this specific area. I felt sort of stuck, unable to continue processing these pieces of my childhood because my brain and my emotions/feelings were so far apart. Both of my therapists do some somatic work, but our couples counselor (who we basically see for 'regular' therapy that we just do together vs stereotypical couples counseling) does a lot more with us that is somatic. Nearly every session we have with our couples therapist he'll try to help us embody our feelings about something. I find it awkward, emotionally draining and sometimes embarassing - but it also feels quite powerful. He's also really into AEDP therapy, which is a type of therapy that talks about disassociation/numbing, etc as a defense from feeling a core feeling. For those reasons, I thought that speaking with our couples therapist about this might be a better fit than my 'main' therapist who I see weekly and therefore just have a deeper relationship with. During the appointment I explained my dissociation, sense of being kinda stuck or frozen, and how I knew it was related to processing being emotionally neglected, but how when I talk about it I wasn't feeling any feelings. It was all 'in my head' and not 'in my heart'. There was this big disconnect. He agreed with my assessment that I had unresolved/unfelt feelings. I don't remember exactly how we got there, but he asked me some questions that led to me sharing a specific phrase that I remember being said to me as a kid. "What the hell were you thinking?" It was phrased as a question rather than a statement, but I wasn't expected to actually answer the question. At times, I thought I had good reason for doing whatever I did, and I would have liked to explain, as it felt like they were assuming the worst possible intentions, which weren't my actual attentions at all. But I felt like I couldn't respond as it would just upset them more. Even though it was a question, responding would be taken as 'talking back'. He took the implied answer, and asked me what my first thought would be today if someone told me "you're stupid."

Honestly? My knee-jerk response is "....yeah."

Having to admit that out loud brought the emotions. Tightness in my chest, burning behind both ears, anxiety, a little anger, and some sadness. A few tears. The therapist told me to try to relax my body and let it out. I tried, but only managed a couple more tears. He had me turn to my partner and try to express to him what it felt like as a kid to have things like that said to me. This brought emotion up again. It's so hard to even look at him when I'm on the edge of spilling over with my emotions. He is such a safe person to me, that just seeing him tears down all my defenses. Although the whole point of this appointment was to try to drag out emotion...the parts of me that try to avoid it are so strong. I struggled to look at him, and it took me a while to find words to try to explain. But I did...and I collapsed into his chest and really cried. It didn't feel good, of course. But I felt so much lighter after this, and I had this sense of unthawing and waking up. I had never experienced disassociation being removed that quickly in any way besides self harm before. It was really cool.

Longterm, I want to learn how to push myself through 'exercises' like this so that I can try to do this on my own. But it was really cool to see that even if I currently need assistance from a therapist to get myself to 'go there' right now, that I seem to have found a tool to move through disassociation now. I am back to feeling like myself which is awesome, but I also have made big jumps in how I'm perceiving my childhood now. The idea that I was neglected doesn't just seem like something I logically believe, I FEEL like it's true now. And I've jumped a step farther ahead, realizing I was actually emotionally abused as well - and that feels true, too. As I said in a previous post, I kinda knew that I tend to make big growth after coming out of disassociation, so I was hopeful I'd be seeing growth soon...but it's really cool that I have.

[sxdomizer]

OC RAMBLES: MOLOTOV

I'm suddenly inspired, so I wanna talk about Molotov for a little here. Doing this for myself mostly but if anybody feels like reading, HOORAY-- asks always welcome ofc

He's existential as fuck. Like, really existential. He gets philosophical with it, too, so much that he gets trapped in his own thoughts a lot; he can disassociate for hours, especially at night or when it's quiet & he's alone. He wonders about who made him, and why. Being surrounded by living things when he barely considers himself one is.. tough. He especially struggles with the idea of having a family.

He can't feel most (physical) things. Temperature and pain are some of the biggest examples of these, but others include things like itches, tickles, hunger, thirst, etc. He can, however, sense pressure, so that's one of the things that brings him the most comfort. He can only really feel touch as we do in more sensitive places like his face (especially his nose).

Other than his lack of sense of touch, his other senses work fine. He hears fine, sees fine, hears fine, he can even taste-- one thing he can't (shouldn't) do, however, is consume food or drink. Mostly because it doesn't really go anywhere, and if food isn't decomposed by the body, it decomposes itself, and he doesn't need to experience that... not inside his body, anyway.

He tends to be a little hyperactive, but he can focus on things for long periods of time, too. Early on in his life, he spent most of his time studying, and willingly spent literal days with his face buried in books. This became a bit of a problem later on, though, because he loses track of time quite easily, and a day at the library is more often than not cut short by closing time.

BIIIIIG fan of R&B. Music in general is amazing, but he especially likes the almost poetic nature of R&B and rap music. Sure, most of the time the lyrics can be a little.. interesting to pay attention to, but he really sees himself in some of the songs. He's the type to say that "(X music writer) is a genius".

Despite his enthusiasm for knowledge and studying, he isn't very "street smart" outside the battlefield. Sure, he can fight, but he'll be nice to anyone. He can't really read people, so "shade" isn't really one of his worries. There's good in everyone if you just look hard enough, dig deep enough. Violence should be a last resort.

His years outside his cabin were spent on the streets. He was a nomad, travelling wherever destiny took him, working with and selling whatever he could. His main interests are weaponry & explosives, so he mostly built those and illegally sold them. Thanks to his ties to that, he was caught in fights quite often.

He never liked staying in a single place for long, mostly because resources quickly ran dry. Finding salvagable material is rare enough, so he saved what he could and his inventory rotated accordingly.

Without the need for eating or drinking, most of his money was spent on materials, bullets, or cigarettes. If he didn't buy these, he traded for them.

There are dents and burns along his body, but somehow no bullet holes. More often than not, he was on the shooting side.

No matter how low resources got, he used to always keep a rifle and a few bombs with him, just for self-defense. He gave those up eventually when he stopped associating with that life.

After he settled down, he became a tutor! Finally being able to put his knowledge to use in ways other than building weapons is like a dream. He'd become a teacher if he didn't need to go to college for that, but his lack of an education prevents him from it.

So that's about it for the time being, mostly because I don't know what else to write but. YAY MOLO

If this gets enough positive feedback (any at all tbh) maybe I'll write some more,,,, if I have the time

again, asks are welcomed and encouraged, thanks for taking the time to read :)

[batbeato]

i had the horrible realization that while on twitter i'd be too limited by horrific character limits to rant about this in a satisfactory way, here on tumblr? here, i am free.

no one can stop me from ranting about subahibi. no one. none of you understand how long i've been holding this in (two years. two. years.)

...subahibi spoilers and my rage-fueled criticism of it to follow.

so. subahibi. yeah. look, I think most people know it as "that one VN where the girl gets fucked by a dog" and you know. it is that VN. it's a denpa eroge, heavy emphasis on eroge, with a side of the usual (in)comprehensible denpa rambling about the meaning of life love the universe everything with references ranging from Satie to Cyrano. it also vaguely ties into some other game by the same studio by virtue of local cryptid girl who is never explained in subahibi. classic.

now, I have nothing against the genre. I actually really like CROSS CHANNEL, another denpa eroge. most of the eroge parts don't interest me in CC but they're tolerable, sometimes hold plot relevance, and while the VN itself sometimes goes into absurdity and becomes laughable when it's trying to be sincere, it does try its best and has interesting elements, if underutilized. Some elements are utilized incredibly well, too!

however. subahibi is one of the worst VNs I've ever read, checking off all the boxes of:

horrific failure at depicting mental illness (the fantastical depiction of DID bears little resemblance to the actual condition. if it was confirmed to be spiritual possession, it might be different, but the VN does its best to act as though it's "unclear")

sex scenes clearly there for gratuity that drag on (yes, I know it's an eroge. there was no need to have an entire sex scene devoted to a random teacher raping her father. she wasn't even a main character.)

transphobia that goes from the usual subtle gender essentialism to so blatant it's horrific (the f slur, Mamiya being insulted by the 'good' protagonist for his femininity and forced crossdressing)

boring brocon brother/sister incest.

the VN does have some interesting components. I think the idea of someone taking on Zakuro's name to get revenge for her, but they're actually a very fucked up person who never really know her? interesting. the way the story is told from these varying unreliable narrators? interesting. the idea of taking a plural character and telling the same story/time period with the different alters' perspectives? again, interesting.

however, it completely fails to make use of any of these interesting components, especially with its depiction of DID being so bad that I wonder if anyone working on Subahibi had so much as met someone with any degree of disassociation in their lives, ever. also the rejection of mental health professionals as being capable of helping. it all comes across as some chuuni author insisting that the only way to reach happiness and mental wellness is to stick your dick in something and beat up bad guys.

I see people talking about how unique and deep Subahibi is, praising it as a great piece of media, and while I do think that, yes, it is interesting, it's more interesting when you realize that it's a flaming trashfire product of its time and its writers, with a moral message so flimsy that an infant could break it in half.

You see, it's not the pieces of media so irredeemably bad that they have nothing new to them that really make them stick in my brain for me to absolutely despise. It's the pieces of media that have just enough interesting elements to grab my interest, then vomit in my face. Subahibi is infuriating to me because it was such an awful read when it could have been a great one. It's infuriating to me because I thought I was going to read either something really amazing or something laughably bad that had a girl getting fucked by a dog. I got something infuriatingly bad that had a woman pissing on the street.

...Yeah. I could go on for days about the details of subahibi's failure to respectfully depict mental illness or DID, but......

[lilmissbacon]

RWBY Oc Team

I've been on a rwby fix for the past few weeks for some reason so I took it upon myself to completely remake my OC team from over 4 years ago.

These characters are based on mythical creatures and thematic colors take after the colors that bamboo can be. While not completely accurate, bamboo can have blue-ish, yellow-ish and brown coloring and when they grow flowers, those flowers tend to have a pink color. And just to double down, the school they go to would have green uniforms, to really finish off the bamboo aesthetic.

Briar Begonia (her/she)

Color: Blush

Weapon: "Death Song" a flute/spear/sniper rifle

Semblance: Water transformation (can turn into water similar to Ruby turning into rose petals)

Myth: Kitsune (Japanese fox spirit)

The leader of team BMBU is an Arctic fox Faunus using the weapon of her fallen mother and was raised by her recently dead aunt. No one else knows who her father is, nor how he and her mother died when she was a baby. All anyone knows is that she got a scar on her eyelid from the event. Briar can tend to be spunky and puny but disassociates herself in art and fiction so much that she's starting to confuse it with how social things work in reality. Her fighting style is similar to a ninja/assassin; sneaky and evasive. She's not very good at hand-to-hand combat, so instead she perfected incapacitating her enemies like Ty Lee from atla. While she mainly wants to be a huntress because her mother was, it's also because she wants to find out what happened to both of her parents since they went MIA and whatever mission her mother went on is the only clue she has. She also has a locket with a picture of her mom in it to always remind her of what she's doing this for.

Maize Jonquil (she/her)

Color: Marigold

Weapon: "Angelic Quietus" a jetpack/wings of blades

Semblance: X-ray and thermal vision

Myth: Fallen Angel

From a rich family that's very well known for making and developing some of the best weaponry on Remnant and that family consisting of 2 parents, 2 older brothers and 1 older sister. They have a rare hereditary semblance: phantom wings that allow them to fly for short periods of time. Because Maize has a different semblance, she's kinda been ostracized by the public. This, along with the family business having a long history of harsh Faunus labor, has made it so that she's been trying to separate herself from the family name. While at the same time, basing her weapon on her family's semblance because of how she's been envious about it for most of her life. That and the fact that she does still loves them and her parents themselves are trying to make up for their family's past sins. All this culminating to her personality being that she acts all proud arrogant and even flirty when in reality, she's doing that to make up for her insecurities. Basically the depressed rich white boy trope 😆 I see her as the one on the team that's more troublesome and fucking things up. Back when she was a kid and trying to conform to rich society's standards, she had taken ballet classes. And although she hated them, she now uses those skills in her fighting style. Bonus; because she uses a very large weapon, she may be small but she's much stronger than she looks.

Basil Denim (she/her)

Color: Blue

Weapon: "Cutlass Arbalest" arm blades/bow and arrow

Semblance: Soundwaves (can create concussive blasts at body movement, usually through punching)

Myth: Werewolf

Born and raised in a town outside of the kingdoms, near the water, she's heavily tomboy and a little weird but she takes pride in being both. She's hardcore but is also very emotional and tries to be nice to everyone. But if you're rude to her or her friends, she will not hesitate to return the favor. She's super into music/DJing but because her semblance makes a lot of loud noise, she is really hearing impaired. So the headphones she wears also double as hearing aids. Basil has practically been training since birth to be a fighter, with both of her parents being huntsmen. They never pushed her to be one, but Basil herself wants to help people just like them. Her mother being a brawler and her dad being a bow user, of course both she and her older sister adapted a mix of the two. Unfortunately, her father is now DIA from a Grimm attack, which will later start the plot of her discovering that she has the ability to turn into a Grimm because her dad used to be part of this secret clan of people, called Lycan, who have this ability.

Uluru Mocha (they/them)

Color: Umber

Weapon: "Scorching Scourge" two fire swords/whips

Semblance: Reading and Manipulating emotions (not mind control (a little like Mantis in the MCU))

Myth: Siren

This one will have a little trigger warning***

Having been raised on a fishing boat, their family (consisting of a mother, an uncle and three cousins) were the best in the fishing business because they all consisted of water animal Faunus, Uluru being a shark. That was until the day a boat of human fishermen pulled up and beat them to a pulp for daring to 'fish in their waters and steal their job.' Thus going so far as to dismember Uluru by cutting of their back fin and severely hurting up the rest of the family in similar ways. They all eventually washed up on shore and were found by Basil and her family. Their mom and uncle were crippled and the cousins immediately left for Menagerie without even saying goodbye. Uncle eventually left to follow and find them but Uluru and their mom got help and were housed by Basil's family. So they and Basil have known each other since they were 12. It's because of this event that Uluru is very untrusting of people, often comes across as emotionless, and doesn't flaunt the fact that they are a Faunus. Though because they is a shark Faunus, they is literally cold blooded and needs to wear more clothes to stay warm. Hence why Uluru has a leather jacket and turtle neck, for those of you who understand how sweat inducing that would be otherwise.

This last bit is just a height comparison to give y'all an idea of what they all look like next to eachother

[incarnateirony]

Truly though, the longer I do this whole metanarrative style DJ leak thing with occasional primer videos, the more I understand why Riddler Khu does things the way they do.

While never have I EVER encountered a fandom so basically rich-socialite-corrupted that people are trained to successfully mass attack/doxx leakers in the name of angry con kids that want to be ITK (2po, scripthunt, every mod in that lot.), much less a fandom that FALLS for this shit as routinely,

Khu still gets obnoxious shit from the occasional PROVE IT TO ME jackass, but it's incredibly rare despite the magnitude of the fandom. Similar to my case, most people with brains recognize how reliable he's been and why he can't say where his shit is from and leave it be but there is always that one self centered motherfucker trying to make it All About Them like folks here do.

But for those who don't know, Riddler Khu is one of the top leakers in the pokemon fandom. But he never just says shit outright. He does things like post pictures that, while themselves are not new content images, tell enough of a story that people use their brains and riddle it out together, and it always comes true.

Ever since I started the musical method, there's been an interesting phenomenon. Most loudly of it, it's that the obnoxious white noise of lies that spew out of my cult of antis just has nothing to latch onto. They lack the honest effort or mental capacity, one or the other, to actually listen, much less do so routinely to the various parts and get the full context. But there's plenty of people that have been listening and have since developed some pretty crystal clear ideas of what I'm saying, maybe even clearer than if I tried to write longass technical posts about it.

And that's it at the end of the day. Haters simply don't have the capacity to Do What I Do, and that makes them angry, but then what I Do What I Do via abstract means, they don't even know what they're supposed to be hating on or lying to counterpoint. They have neither the sense nor the context. So then it just becomes shrill general antiscreaming like it is in its bones. THE ARTIST THAT MAKES THEIR OWN CONTENT UNLIKE US RESELLING OTHER PEOPLES SHIT HAS A PATREON! EVILLLLL! STUPID POOPIE HEAD POSTING VIDEOS I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

And then you see it for what it is. A bunch of angry children throwing feces at the wall. Definitional smear campaigns that they hope to see work, they hope to hide the truth, hope to chase out the person that's been running circles around them for years, but they can't.

And since then, well. All the lies, all the filth he put out there against me. I realized it's been completely undone, looking at the follower count I largely ignore. Why? Because hate doesn't have what it takes to take down the truth, as long as the truth itself doesn't yield to their attacks, which is why spnscripthunt members have been escalating their doxxing, threats, etc the last few months. That's it. That's all they have left. Anger, hatred, revenge. And it's really just, it's all their own faults and they know it. On every level, this is a self inflicted wound. But it's what they have left, for almost exactly 2 months, so goddamn they're gonna keep up the shrill teakettle sounds until the spout clogs and they just explode from pressure.

So yeah. I totally understand both why Riddler Khu and Bobo engage the way they do now. Even when it comes to genuine people, they seem to feel, idk, better? About figuring out parts of it themselves too. Like people love playing Clue anyway and it actually seems to be a better way to spread leaks or any kind of information, period, than writing bigassed posts trying to explain it all that people zone out on.

Just. Thoughts. But no, spnscripthunt. To each and every mod there, I am not ever, EVER going to let this fandom forget you doxxing randoms trying to retaliate against me, and you doing NOTHING to penalize or disassociate from that mod, because you were all involved. Not going to let them forget 2po's con sources threatening hellers at cons with physical violence. Not going to let them forget that you KNEW you were lying when you said my pilot script was fake--lying for EIGHT MONTHS--but you were that dedicated to your hate campaign and salty my copy was newer than your coffee runners, and saltier I knew it despite you throwing half the uninformed fandom at me and couldn't be shaken because we had older drafts and, well, knew it was fucking real resultingly.

They're not gonna forget. And now with this nice collected block list of their mods and users hate trolling my anon box, it's a nice little record to Never Forget, especially once 1x13 airs, and they're truly shown as the hating, anti, bitter, lying frauds they are. Because it's not about The Truth to them. It's not even about the show. It's barely about leaks anymore. It's about their egos, and the violence with which they lost the whole farm.

[foolishone-downbad]

going to do a massive personal info dump because I need to vent

so I was always very candid with my husband about what I wanted from life in general.... Basically, to gtfo of Texas ASAP and to be done with having kids by 35 (for many reasons), and also wanting multiple kids.

Anyywaaayy. We had our son in 2020, were handling that and figuring out what we were going to do, where to settle long term, when roe v wade got overturned and we were like yeah so we don't want to try for another kid while we're in Texas, so let's try to get out sooner vs later? Then we decided we'd try to move to Germany because that's where my brother lives! He has his residency! Opportunities for our son!! Amazing!! The plan was to take a year for my husband to go back to school and get his cyber security certificate, save money, job hunt, etc. put off second baby until after the move because it'd be safer and easier (even though the year would put me at 34 and gap between the kids would keep increasing...).

I basically single parented for a YEAR while my husband disassociated from our marriage/family and didn't give a flying fuck about anything I was going through. Like. Wouldn't even miss a single class when I was so sick I could hardly stand up to take care of our toddler, didn't notice I was crying myself to sleep next to him because I was dealing with massive family problems (that's a whole other story but I basically lost my other brother now too).

For my swiftie mutuals... When I say I claimed "you're losing me" for the better part of 2023... I had to stop and sit down to breathe the first time I heard it.

And my husband was just.... Dragging his feet. Wasn't taking certification tests. Wasn't applying for jobs. I was applying left and right and he was just... Giving me constant new deadlines. "I'll apply in January." Then February. Then March. Etc etc. He quit his job WITH NO SAFETY NET. He wouldn't apply for jobs here in his current field to hold him over. He was unemployed for the better part of 2023. Savings ran dry and he was taking loans under the table from his parents without telling me.

Meanwhile.... I'm literally aching for this baby I thought we would start trying for this year. Like. Crying when I'm getting my period, even though we weren't trying.

My husband finally. FINALLY takes a small job because "I fucked up and need something" in December. We decide to try for a baby and I get pregnant.

I did an over the counter early gender predictor and it's a girl! OVER THE MOON. A girl to match my little boy!

But right at 11 weeks I miscarried. I lost her. I'm. I'm so devastated y'all. It was so painful and so awful and my husband told my mom within a week that "we've had time to process it"??? And I wanted to strangle him. My body was still expelling things, and he had PROCESSED IT.

My doctor told me we could try again after my first period and so we did and.....I just got my period again on Friday, so happy fucking mother's day to me, I guess. I just feel like I'm never going to get this little baby that I so desperately want, I really want my son to have a sibling, I wanted that girl so bad.

And we're still stuck here and my husband doesn't seem to be trying to look at jobs out of Texas, out of the US, and I know everyone we told (family) just doesn't think it's happening ever and they are all constantly acting like we're going to be here forever and it rubs this salt in the wound of being here forever, of being a failure at anything I want to do, any hopes I have. And I keep having late night panic attacks doing the math at how old my son is because he'll be leaving daycare to go to school on two years and I thought he'd be okay going to elementary school with my husband if we're stuck here at least but THEN my husband came home with this story two weeks ago about a FIFTH GRADER who brought a gun to school because she was being bullied and nobody found out for a MONTH until she ratted herself out ("so what? I've brought a gun to school") WHAT THE FUCK

anyway when I said I'm spiraling, I'm spiraling, and I know there's more, but this is my current stream of consciousness, i just want to cry and lay in bed for a week away from everybody and talk to nobody