#i sound insane. i wish i could properly vocalize how i feel

[rangerdew]

its so hard not to despair at the way the illustration community treats the conversation about "ai art"

[pinksirensong]

LOVE OF THE ENDLESS (I)

WARNING: SMUT

a/n: it's my first time writing smut in a very long time, hope it's not too bad...

It was inexplicable the feeling of his mouth on her body, the way he kissed her mouth like a desperate man driving her crazy and how he would take his time to worship all of her.

- Morpheus, please. – Y/N closed her eyes when he went down to her most sensitive part, feeling his lips kissing her clit before starting to lick it. It wasn’t for nothing that he was Dream of the Endless, it could only be described as a dream the way his tongue felt against her pussy. She could spend hours like this, just feeling him sucking her while she could only moan louder and louder. His hand pressed against her thighs with such a force that if she was a mere mortal, it would leave bruises for weeks. – Please, please… - how he loved the way only he could make her brain stop functioning, making her think only about him and the pleasure that just his body could give her. Oh, indeed it made him even harder seeing the way her eyes were shut down while she begged for more. Finally having mercy Dream removed his lips very slowly, she could still feel his breath against her most intimate part, perhaps it was more of a way to torture Love than having mercy on her. Morpheus wanted to remember her, all of her body and every sound she made that were like the most beautiful melody to him. Why was something so beautiful also so wrong?

- Tell me what you want, Y/N. – he was now spreading kisses, starting at her thighs and going up very slowly until he reached her breasts. – I want to know exactly what you want. – his right hand one of her breasts and squeezed it while sucking the other nipple. – I need to know.

- Oh, fuck…Morpheus, I want… - it seemed impossible to form a sentence when she could only think about the sinful things he was doing to her, how could Dream demand coherent phrases if all her mouth could do was moan his name over and over again. – Please, I need you. Just you, only you. – the little moment of clarity that Y/N had was soon gone when she felt him against her, how hard he was even if she didn’t even have the chance to properly touch him.

- Very well then, I must fulfil your wishes. – before Love could scold him for his little smirk she felt the tip of his dick at her entrance, he was obstinate to tease her tonight. – Tonight, you shall be mine, every touch, every sound and every wave of pleasure will be mine. You belong to me, mind, body and soul. – and with that he was finally inside of her, it was slow and gentle. Y/N could feel him, all of him, and nothing could ever compare to sensing his cock sliding in and out of her in a perfect pace. Morpheus knew her like nobody else ever could, just like she knew him.

- Yours, only yours. – her words set him on fire, his eyes that once showed her the universe now were all black, filled with lust and want. Not being able to take it, she wrapped her legs around his hip and pulled him towards her. – Faster, Morpheus. Give me all of you, all of it, please. – Dream of Endless wasn’t a very vocal lover, it was rare to hear him and he very much preferred to hear her screams, but now he couldn’t contain the unholy groan that left his mouth. Luckily the realm of Akai Ito only had Love as it’s resident, so no one else would hear the lovers, because when he finally gave up to her wishes and started to move faster and harder than before. They were both a mess, their bodies covered in sweat, the walls echoing their groans and the sound their skins made when he would put his cock inside her again and again. Y/N threw her head back and used her hand to grab Dream's hair forceful, that’s when he knew she was close and that drove him insane. Each thrust was taking her closer to climax and all Love could think was how much she needed him, how much she wanted him.

- Love, Love… - Morpheus groaned when she pulled his hair harder. – Y/N…

- Come. Come with me, Morpheus, inside me. Let me feel you, be mine. Please, Morpheus, please. – she knew he would never deny her that, his pace was even faster, and Y/N could barely register what was going on, she could only hear his moans while she screamed his name. If Y/N could, she would scream how much she loved him and only him but knew that he would never accept it.

- Y/N, Y/N, Y/N… - her name was like a prayer on his lips, she would forever be able to hear it. Her pleasure grew to a point where she couldn’t hold it anymore, with one last thrust she came all over him. Morpheus didn’t stop, he grabbed her hips and pushed himself more inside her until his member twitched and he spilled all of his seed inside her. Y/N knew what was coming next, how she wished they could be anyone else but who they were because maybe in that case they could be together. All the passion and lust were gone and Morpheus was back to his cold self, he stood up and got dressed without even looking at her. – This was a mistake. – he always claimed it to be one. – And it was the last time. – it was also another recurrent phrase of his.

- I know. – she knew, she always knew but could never deny him because Love of the Endless was a fool and a sinner that was in love with her own brother. This time it was different, it broke her heart to admit and accept it, but Y/N knew that she would do anything in her power to make sure this was the last time. – You are getting married tomorrow.

- I am.

- I wish you all the happiness, Dream.

- Goodbye, sister. – and with that he left, taking her heart with him.

tag list: @the-ruler-of-death @mrs-captainsteverogers @jesllianaquilesrolon @igotanidea @intothesoul @hedwigprewett12

[rainywritingsx]

Scenario: Beelzebub and Asmodeus cheating on their S/O

Request: Can I get a cheating angst for either beelzebub or Asmodeus please? Sad ending as well please🥺💖

Okay so,,,, I was only gonna do Asmo BUT then an idea came to my mind which is veryyy different from it so I decided to do both :D This is my first time writing for obey me aaaaa i’m so nervous. I’m also not experienced with angst buuuttt I hope it’s still okay, hopefully I’ll get better as time passes! Also, Asmo’s scenaro contained way more anger than I intended to but I didn’t think it would be good to change so,,,, Asmo sweetheart I’m so sorry :(. Anywayyy, feel free to give me feedback if there’s something I can work on ^^ Anywaaaayy onto the scenarios, I hope you enjoy!!

Tip jar ^^

warnings: angst angst A N G S T :),,, I really went off at Asmo I’m sorry bby ily :(

words: 2003 (in total)

Beelzebub

“He would never do such a thing.” “He’s head over heels for you.” “Beel is as loyal as a puppy.” “Man, I’ve never seen him so in love.”

They thought he loved them.That nothing would happen to break what they had built.

But they were wrong. So, so wrong.

And now here they were, in his room, him naked on the bed alone after y/n yelled for the person that was here too to get out. The sheets weren’t covering much of Beelzebub, and he was holding onto them as if it were his last breath.

There was a silence. Way too long for Beelzebub’s liking. But he had no idea what to say right now. He knew nothing he would say could fix this. He felt horrible, absolutely horrible. He never wanted to hurt them like this, he had vowed to himself that he wouldn’t but he broke his own promise.

“I can’t believe this.” Y/n croaked out, breaking the silence as tears filled their eyes. Beelzebub’s heart dropped to his chest upon hearing the heartbreaking tone and seeing their glossy eyes. and Y/n could tell, they knew that he felt bad. but they didn’t care. They were the one who was cheated on, not him. He had no right to use any self-pity right now.

“Y-y/n-“

“No, Beelzebub. I don’t want to hear it.” Their tone was now incredibly sharp, every word piercing through Beelzebub like a knife stabbing him. The demon visibly flinched upon hearing them say his full name. He wasn’t used to it, and he didn’t like hearing it this way.

He wanted to scream. Cry. Fall to the floor. Tell them he loved them, that he was sorry, and that he would never do it again. But really, if he did it once, what held him back from doing it again? How could he prove to them that he’d be loyal this time?

He didn’t want to lose them, but he knew that they wouldn’t stay. Of course they wouldn’t. Not after what he did.

“I-I understand that you don’t love me anymo-“

“I don’t love you?” Y/n repeated in disbelief. A humourless chuckle escaped their lips. “I don’t love you?” They said again, shaking their head.

“How can you say that? How can you say that I don’t love you? I was always here for you, I cherished all of our moments together, I appreciate you as a person. Of course I love you. That doesn’t just go away because you cheated on me, Beelzebub.” Y/n said, and while in any other situation these words would’ve caused Beel’s heart to race, now he just felt sad. They loved him so much, and this was how he returned the favour?

“But what did go away,” they spoke up again. Y/n stopped for a moment to take a deep breath, not wanting to cry in front of him right now. They closed their eyes for a moment, before opening them again. “was my trust in you. I love you, but I can’t be with you anymore.” He wanted to cry. He wanted to hug them, beg them to stay, tell them that they would do better. But would he? Would he really? Was he never going to make that mistake again? This was the first time that he ever felt so much guilt at once.

“I hope that you realise how much things like this hurt the people around you. And I really hope that the next person who will be with you isn’t going to get hurt like this too.” Y/n sighed softly. Beelzebub wasn’t a bad person. they knew that. they were surprised that they managed to stay so calm right now.

But really, they weren’t feeling a bit of anger. Just sadness, disappointment, confusion. HOw could this happen? How could he do this? were they naive for thinking he would never cheat on them?

“I know you aren’t a bad person.” Y/n said as they looked at Beel, whose eyes were practically begging Y/n to stay. They shook their head as their eyes never looked away from his. “But that doesn’t mean I can just forgive and forget like that…” Slowly, Y/n’s feet made its way towards the door of the room.

“W-wait Y/n, no.” for a moment they stopped. They knew they wouldn’t be able to avoid him forever as both of them resided in the Devildom. But they really just wanted time for themselves right now.

“Beelzebub, I really wish the best for you in the future” They said “And I don’t hate you. I’m just… really hurt. I need some time alone right now.” and that was the last thing Y/n said before kleaving the room.

Beelzebub slowly lowered his head, quiet sobs escaping his mouth as shoulders shook slightly. He had really lost them. How could he mess up so bad? He wanted to follow them, apologise, beg for them to give him one more chance.

But Y/n deserved better than that. They were too kind for him, the fact that they didn’t even hate him shattered  his heart even more.

Y/n walked through the halls of the Devildom, tears threatening to spillf from their eyes. Their footsteps were quick and their gaze was lowered. They still couldn’t believe it. How could Beel, their dear Beel, hurt them like that?

They didn’t notice Mammon, who had just left Lucifer’s room and looked like he had just gotten a long lecture from the eldest. Mammon did take notice of Y/n though, and immediately he saw the tears.

“Oi, Y/n, what’s wrong? Why are you cryin’?” he asked and wanted to stop them, but Y/n ignored him and kept walking. They almost ran to their room and locked the door before letting their body fall on the bed. And that’s when they finally let it all out. It still felt surreal. They gave him their heart, but he just shattered it as if it was nothing.

Asmodeus (baby I’m so sorry)

Fury. Disappointment. Sadness. Anger.

None of these words could explain all of the emotions Y/n was feeling right now. Nothing, no words, no sounds, no actions, one of that could properly express what went through their mind. They had never felt an emotion like this, but they knew that they hated it and wanted it to go away this instant.

Nobody said a word. Not Y/n, who wasn’t able the find the right words. Nor did Asmodeus, who was at a loss for words, too. So they waited. Y/n waited for him to say something. They just stared at him. it was as if their eyes told him “Go on, I’m waiting.” and it drew the demon insane because he just had no idea what to say.

With every second that passed by, Y/n slowly started losing their patience. He really wasn’t saying a thing? He had the nerve to commit such foolish actions, yet he couldn’t say a single word to them? Really? Was he the victim here? Were they supposed to feel bad?

“So?” Y/n crossed their arms, holding back tears as they refused to lose eye contact with him. They could tell he was uncomfortable. Good, they thought to themself. He should feel that way. If he wanted to cheat on them, they should deal with everything caused by it.

A dry laugh escaped their lips, making Asmodeus flinch in surprise as he clutched the bedsheets in his hands.

“You really aren’t saying anything?” their voice was way too calm for his liking. He knew that at any moment, if he said the wrong thing, they would explode.

But Asmodeus knew that nothing he’d say could fix the situation. He knew that no matter what he’d say, it wouldn’t undo his unfaithful actions. It wouldn’t erase the pain he caused them to feel. It wouldn’t change the fact that his and Y/n’s relationship was on the brink of falling apart right now. And he felt horrible for it, he had never felt so ashamed, so disgusted with himself.

“Don’t you fucking dare give me that look, Asmodeus. I’m the one who was cheated on, not you.” They spat. How could he act all pitiful now? He looked like a puppy who had just been hit by his owner, while he was the one who had done the damage.

“Darling I’m so-”

“Quit the damn pet names. Don’t you dare call me darling when you were fucking someone else seconds ago.” Y/n’s voice rose as they continued speaking, to the point where Asmodeus thought that his other brothers in the Devildom could hear him.

“Why, Asmodeus, why?!” Y/n was yelling at this point as furious tears escaped their eyes. “Why the fuck did you do this? Was it fun, was it exciting? Was it one of your many fantasies? Was that why you dated me in the first place? Huh? Why are you all quiet now? You were pretty damn vocal when you were sleeping with that person. You loved every fucking second of it!” The tears were rolling down their cheeks as they walked up to the bed, staring down at Asmodeus who felt very small right now.

“Was I nothing but a toy to you?! Did you think I just wanted to have ‘fun’ with you? That that was all I wanted in our relationship? I fucking did everything for you, Asmodeus! And you just fucked some stranger you saw at the academy today?” Y/n shook their head and laughed humorlessly.

“I should’ve known, huh? Of course you would cheat on me.” Asmodeus’ heart cracked at that, because he knew exactly what they were talking about. That damn curse, sin, whatever it was, he despised it right now. But even if that was what drove him to betray his s/o, he was aware that it didn’t mean Asmodeus was not responsible for this at all.

“I hate you.” Y/n said, their voice quiet and Asmo swore he could hear something break at those words. “I hate you! I hate you, Asmodeus! I despise you more than anyone or anything else!” They were yelling now, their hands shaky and balled into fists.

“I regret meeting you, I regret talking to you, I regret kissing you, I regret being your s/o! At the end, all you did was betray me and throw me to the side as if I’m nothing and I detest you for that!!” Y/n’s voice cracked, but it didn’t take away the anger they felt nor did it weaken the power of their words. All Asmodeus could do was listen as he still tried to find the right words to say to the person whom he had hurt so badly.

“I fucking hate you!! Go fuck whoever was in your bed before I got here, I don’t want to speak to you ever again. I don’t care if we live in the same house, I’ll do whatever I can to ignore you. I hate you so, so much, Asmo!” those were the last words Y/n said before storming off. Despite them being human, the loud stomps made it sound as if it was a demon that was angrily walking through the halls.

Asmodeus looked down, realization of what had just occurred finally hitting him. And that was where he broke. A soft sob escaped his mouth as the feeling of regret overtook his body. His shoulders started shaking as he hid his face in the blankets, shaking his head in disbelief. How could he have done this? He knew Y/n already had a rough time with his overall flirty attitude, but they were nothing but patient all this time and he just took advantage of their kindness., He was the lowest of the low. And he knew that he deserved everything that would come his way now.

[jangmi-latte]

Hi Chii for my request, I'd love a Trey x reader oneshot wherein it starts with mc talking to jade and trey somewhat feels jelly coz of how intimate they look(take note mc and trey are close) when they returned to the dorm they somewhat argued about it until trey suddenly confesses his feelings for her and she did the same and they start to kiss until they went to trey's bedroom and makeout(so yeah it turns out to be nsfw sorry riddle i rly love u with trey pero sakin muna sya haha) ily mamsh!

❞ 𝕿𝖆𝖓𝖙𝖆𝖑𝖎𝖟𝖎𝖓𝖌 ❝

➻ content: a jealous clover...

➻ warnings: too spicy!

➻ comments: doing this oneshot in honor of your graduation! congratulations! i'm proud of you! for sure trey would be proud of you too, yes? ily too mamsh!

࿐. . . TREY CLOVER

“I really appreciate your help, y/n.”

Jade placed the drinks on the customer’s table before facing you with a smile. The Mostro Lounge is filled with customers lately and Octavinelle needed an extra hand. Especially when Azul had fallen ill and couldn't participate in any classes or the lounge for a few days.

How worried you have become when you heard Jade was starting to feel dizzy from overworking himself. You have pushed yourself to help out with the lounge which greatly affected its services.

"I'm glad I could lend a hand I'm used to helping Heartslabyul with their unbirthday parties. It's fair I also help you out," you smiled back and wrote down some more orders from the students.

"As gratitude, would you accept my offer if I treated you out?" he asked once both of you met on the counter. You looked at him in surprise, "You don't have to, Jade."

"I insist. No feelings attached. I simply want to thank you for helping me."

"Where do you plan on taking me then?" you responded, preparing to bring another drink on the tray.

"Since the holidays are nearing, probably somewhere outside of the school?"

You hummed and smiled over at the vice dorm leader, “Sure! Thanks, Jade. You didn’t really have to,” you chuckled and began serving the drinks to the other customers. 

In your eyes, Jade is simply nothing more than a friend. Someone you can rely on as he stays true to his words. It was all based on experience, actually. Projects, homework, experiments, with you being his friend we was willing to help, also you have learned how resourceful he was. Not like you’re using him to pass. Your relationship with Jade has eventually bloomed into being close friends.

You took too much of your time being around Jade to even notice a certain Heartslabyul’s student’s observant eye.

“I thought you need y/n’s help, Trey?” Cater asked as he walked along with his friend. “Well look there she is!” he pointed over, seeing you exit Octavinelle’s mirror. It’s no surprise that Jade accompanied you to the mirror chamber. At least, it is in Trey’s eyes, since he did notice how distant you have been around him lately.

Oh, no! He isn’t controlling! You have your own life, you can make your own decisions. He has no right to force you or even control who you should and shouldn’t see. Besides Riddle, you have been another special person to him. He loves you. 

And yet he couldn’t stop the feeling of his chest tightening as he looked at you and Jade laugh together. He adores your smile and laughter, but seeing another man make you laugh is making himself doubt his chances with you. Again, he’s not forcing you or controlling you. He just didn’t want to lose you. As a friend or not, you’re still dear to Clover. However, that doesn’t change the fact he’s having hopes for you to say yes. A man can see his own best friend more than a friend.

“Trey?” Cater called, “Let’s head back to the dorm!” Trey moved his eyes away from you and sent his fellow third-year a smile. “Let’s go.”

“Aren’t you going to bring y/n?”

How he wished he could walk over and head back along with you to Heartslabyul like you usually do. He’s too kind. Seeing you happy with Jade is something he didn’t want to take away. He’s starting to tolerate himself, something he would always advise the others not to do. Over thinking has always been a mortal’s enemy.

“She’s having a conversation with Jade. I wouldn’t want to disturb her.” Trey chuckled and pulled Cater’s arm towards Heartslabyul’s mirror. “Are you sure?” Cater asked. “I mean, she’s heading over here now.”

“It’s best not to disturb her Cater.” Trey walked inside the mirror after that. At this point, Cater has become both worried and suspicious. Was Trey mad? He couldn’t be mad, his eyes say something else. The third-year looked over at you from over his shoulder. It seems like you haven’t even noticed them. “y/n!” he yelled over, catching your attention immediately, “Oh! Hey Cate!” you called before giving your attention back to Jade, “I need to go now, Jade. Thank you for the offer of tutoring me on Wednesday!.”

Bidding farewells, Jade headed back to Octavinelle while you jogged over to the waiting third-year, “Did I make you wait long?”

“Not at all! But I do need help with Trey....”

“Why? What happene–where is Trey?” You were feeling worried. It was odd for try to not be waiting in the mirror chamber like he always does. Cater’s smile was lopsided rather than his usual grin. “You see, I feel like there’s something wrong. You’re closer to him than I am so maybe you could help him?”

“Trey, please stop lying to me. I know there’s something wrong.”

You didn’t want to pressure the male. You getting confused. What happened perhaps? After Cater told you about Trey, you quickly made your way inside the chamber and had to go around Heartslabyul to find the vice dorm leader. Even Riddle has not seen the whereabouts of Trey. That was until you saw him in the Rose Garden.

All he did was give you a look and a small smile before saying, “Were you looking for me?” 

Your conversation with him was beginning to sound tense. You asked if he was okay, why didn’t he wait for you, or why was he barely making any approaches lately. It was starting to get on your nerves and the fact Trey isn’t vocal with his emotions nor does he show it was angering you more. Sure, you may be going over the line by not respecting his space, but you were starting to doubt if Trey still even trusted you.

“y/n, please. This is starting to get out of hand.” There he goes again with him dodging your concerns. 

“Trey, why won’t you just tell me what’s wrong?” You’re trying to keep your voice steady at this point. You wanted to yell at him to get inside his head. You also didn’t want to catch the other students’ attention, most especially Riddle.

“There’s nothing wrong. Just go back to your room. I have to finish something.”

He stormed inside Heartslabyul. Ah, nothing’s wrong so you avoid your friend’s concern. Great logic. “Why won’t you just talk to me properly?!” you called out and chased after the third-year. You do hope, in the name of the Queen of Hearts, that there are barely any students in the hallway both of you are in. 

Trey sighed and shook his head. Even he was starting to lose his composure. He was trying so damn hard not to lash out on you. He was starting to question himself, why couldn’t he just admit he was jealous of seeing another man having your attention?

That’s right, pride and fear.

“y/n, I’m tired.”

“And I’m tired of you not talking to me! Did I do something wrong?! Trey, I’m starting to doubt our relationship right now! You haven’t been talking to me properly every time I try to approach you!”

Again, silence. Both of you are fast walking towards Trey’s room already, you had to walk faster to catch up with hid long strides. You wanted to cry already, taking deep breaths before having to force yourself inside his room and slamming the door behind you. Trey groaned, removing both his glasses and hat as he laid them on his desk then raking a hand through his hair.

“You know we’re currently not okay. I don’t want this to escalate further and wreck our friendship—” he gulped. “–especially when we’re not on the same boat. y/n, I—”

“Just tell me, Trey. Just tell me if I did something wrong because I really feel like it was my fault!”

“You did nothing wrong. Stop blaming yourself.”

“Then why are you avoiding me?! I just wanted to kn—”

“It’s because I love you, okay? I care about you. I didn’t want to ruin your connections with Jade just because I’m feeling selfish. If you’re happy, then I understand. If I have to keep my distance then so be it.”

“Are you insane?!” you yelled, Trey's letting out a breath of surprise at your sudden outburst. "Trey, you were jealous, weren't you? You think I would leave you just because I've been around Jade a lot? How many times do I have you tell you to stop over thinking?!" You racked your hand through your hair and huffed.

The desperation in both your lips and his were knee-weakening. It wasn’t soft, nor rough. His lips held some spark, a deep emotion he was holding for a long time.  He wasn’t sure if nature rooted for this moment or if his mind tricked him into thinking this was all just a dream, but every breath he took would make his desire for your lips stronger.

“y/n...” Trey panted against your lips. His hands wandering through your hair and around your waist. Letting out your frustrations in this heated kiss. Your lips left his for a brief moment as you pushed him on the bed, sitting on his abdomen before connecting your lips once more. Hot. That’s what you’re feeling right now. Either from the fuel of your argument just minutes ago or the sudden disclosure of both your feelings, it was enough to bring out your desperation of wanting to kiss your best friend. 

"You know what, fuck it."

In this state, your emotions were taking over. Something that dominated your ability to think your decisions through. You had grabbed Trey’s shirt and pulled him closer to you. Making eye contact with him as he stared at you in disbelief. He was speechless. Your other hand made its way towards his nape before slamming your lips on his.

Rather, your boyfriend.

You expected it to escalate, and it did. With just a question to trigger it all, “Are you sure about this?” 

One by one your clothes began to leave your body. His tender yet firm touches lingering on your skin, your mingled breaths, and half lidded eyes. The want, need, to build that trust once more, to show the value of your relationship as it takes another step. It will all begin on his bed.

As you now laid on your back, his lips sucked on your bare neck, leaving the reddest marks he could make. Your panties being the last garment that has left your body. You were steaming, and you loved it. Trey was already heavily panting, he hasn't even slipped inside you yet.

"Damn it..." he husked against your neck, biting down on the skin under your jaw. Blinded moans slipped out your lips so wantonly, "Stop holding back," you whined. You wanted to feel him deep inside you already. Your pussy was dripping and begging to be penetrated. He loves you, doesn't he? Then making love would be something you would wish to do to fix whatever was unleashed in both your outlash.

Grunting, Trey nudged your legs open, you spreaded them out so willingly, as he moved his lips back on yours again. You gripped his hair tightly, the other under his armpit and across his shoulder. Slowly, you felt it. Your wetness helping him ease his cock deeper into your cunt. Your tight walls swallowing him greedily.

As you're stretched out, you moaned as your tongues romped against each other. Having to pull away to breathe, a string of saliva stretching in between your slobbery lips. You tilted your head back on the pillow once Trey began to rock his hips on yours.

The sounds of your pants along with the slapping of skin was aching your core, your sweaty bodies rubbing against each other.

"Ngh– Trey..m-more!" you cried out as your head dug on the pillows, your nails scratching on Trey's arms as he himself hissed and groaned above you. Your warm cunt was bringing him closer and closer to an orgasm the more he fucked you unto the mattress. Your legs wrapped around his waist, pushing his cock deeper into you once his hips drilled into you swiftly.

Your moans were increasing in volume the more you felt him penetrate your core. Slamming into your most sensitive spots that sent your back arching and your eyes watering. "More..m-more..!" you whined out. A loud moan left Trey's lips as your walls squeezed his dick. Having to bury his head on your neck to silence himself, the vibrations of his grunts rumbling on his chest. You had to silence yourseld. Your lips instinctively biting on Trey's shoulder before a muffled cry was heard.

"Ah–mngh–..Trey! Right there!" was your muffled cry as the tip of his penis hit that one spot. Tears were running down your eyes already as you hoarsely panted.

"I'm cumming..." Trey hissed through gritted teeth. "L-Let go..I'm pull– gah– pulling out!" His hand held on your knee that remained tightly locked around his waist.

"J-Just cum inside..." you panted. "I'm on....birth control–fuck Trey!" you gasped and arched your back. Your hands gripping on his back as you subconsciously squirted. Your cum drencing the bed and your thighs, your eyes shut tightly as you heaved. Trey kept going. Thrusting hardly into you, a hand gripping your thigh before slamming his hips once last time. You felt his warm semen shoot deep inside your walls, leaving you whining at feeling so full. Feeling how it dripped out your core and unto the sheets.

"Fuck...that's a lot..." He looked down and chuckled tiredly. He slowly pulled his softening cock out of your vagina, seeing a trails of cum leave you. On the other hand, you whined and rolled over to your belly, uncomfortably shifting your hips. "I feel so full," you whined.

Trey laid beside you with a grunt. "You told me to cum inside you," he snickered, moving your hair away from your sweaty face before kissing your nose. "I guess you're mine now. And I'm sorry for how I acted a while ago.."

"Promise me you won't over think again."

"I promise. Either way I got what I wanted now anyways." He smiled and pulled you closer. You hummed and gave a tired smile yourself, your eyes getting heavy as you tried to sit up. "Since I'm yours now–" you sat on your knees, "–bring me to the bathroom. I need to pee and clean up."

"Of course."

Unbeknownst to the both you, a certain dorm leader has accidentally entered the room while you two were having sex. Despite the embarrassment, Riddle was glad both of you didn't notice. He was red and quiet on the way back to his room.

Why did he enter? He was worried since Cater alerted him of your argument with Trey.

Let's just lock our doors next time, yes?

[lettrespromises]

#LettresPromises informs you : You have one notification. ──➤ 𝐘𝐎𝐔'𝐕𝐄 𝐆𝐎𝐓 𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐋!

> Kita Shinsuke sent you a letter, would you like to read it? #CC of the letter directed to : @babythotshq​.

──➤ #𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞 : fluff. ─➤ #𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭 𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝 : Hallmark movie marathon. ➤ #𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 : none.

letter from the author :  ❝dear reader, dear @sachirou-senpai​,  this piece is my participation for the babythots winter wonderland collab and also the occasion to wish you, ellie, the merriest christmas of them all (although i’m late.) i’m hoping this letter will warm your heart, i loved writing every bit of it and couldn’t stop thinking about whether or not you were going to like it. i adore you.  sealed with a kiss,  nikki, your secret santa.❞

The table in the living room had become the metaphorical throne for all sorts of garments— amongst them, a pile of candies and other diverse kinds of sweets gained the omnipotency of the attention because, after all, what could be a movie marathon without the inexorable stack of candies which followed? It would be like breaking a silent tradition, movies (whatever the kind of movie for that matter) and snacks went hand in hand together like an unspoken rule. But just when you thought the messy pyramid of sweets on the table wasn’t enough, your glance fell on the figure of your boyfriend holding a bowl of popcorn freshly taken out of the pan where they had exploded like a myriad of fireworks just a few minutes ago. His hold was so careful, a true reflection of his own personality, after all. « Shinsuke, love, don’t you think we have enough snacks right now? » You half-questioned, your gaze flickering between the ridiculous amount of sweets on the table and the incredulous look painted on his face.

« If there is one thing I learned from the movie nights with the rest of the volleyball team, aside from knowing how to break up a fight with the twins, is that there is never enough snacks. » Touché. And he knew that he was right by the way a hint of a grin manifested itself amidst his facial features.

« I mean, when you’re putting it like that, it’s not like I can resist, right? » You half-asked, knowing this question had every characteristic of a rhetorical question. You just wanted to drown yourself in a paradise of sweets, drown by sugar, and snuggle close to your boyfriend. Whilst you were holding the TV remote in your right hand, the left one was busy patting the vacant spot next to you on the couch, explicitly inviting the salt and pepper haired man to sit next to you and find himself the victim of your ceaseless waves of love. Kita did as you told wordlessly, and took a sit next to you as you felt the cushion deepen a bit at the newly added weight, but his presence was already comforting you.

« Are you ready for the marathon? Because once we start, there’s no stopping! » The words poured from you mouth in a continuous flow of enthusiasm, your orbs moving onto his credulous expression which quickly morphed into a faded smile at the sudden realization of spending so much time with you and you only.

« You make it sound like something alarming. Should I be worried, dear? » Kita tilted his head back to face you, the grin on his face deepened to dig into his cheeks and let appear a pair of precious dimples, fine lines blooming at the corner of his eyes.

« There’s nothing to worry about as long as I’m here, just stuff your face with sweets, cuddle me and watch these good ol’ cliché movies with me. » There’s nothing he could complain about. He reckoned himself that he had neglected his time dedicated to you to invest it in volleyball-related activities, but without stating the obvious, he much preferred spending time with you rather than hear the continuous bickering of the twins.

« Right. Nothing to worry about as long as you’re here. » He repeated without any real kind of purpose, planting these words into your skin by kissing your temple as if he was sealing a promise. Like a reminder to himself, if you will.

Your fingertips soon found the right combination on the remote to find the very first movie of the marathon ahead of you, your digits moved mechanically without second thinking, as if you had practiced these moves over and over again whilst waiting for Kita to spend this night with you.

The screen of the TV was soon colored by a whole spectrum of colors gravitating around the color scheme of Christmas, an accord of red, white, green and gold. But even with the distraction and the colorful explosions on the screen, Kita had still his hazel eyes set on you, a gleam of genuine adoration dancing in the corner of his irises. And why of course, no one could truly ignore his glance, and even when he was looking at you with metaphorical hearts in his eyes, you still felt a pressure weighing on your shoulders. You looked up to him, a brow raised to emphasize wordlessly your interrogation.

« It’s nothing. » He said, having already picked up on your silent question and so your eyes darted back to the screen, « you’re insanely beautiful », he whispered to no one but himself, yet another vocal reminder of how lucky he was.

But the more the scenes arrived and went away, the more you felt your body lean on Kita. He felt the urge to adapt his hold on you to your new position, bowing his right arm so he could welcome you in the warmth emanating from his chest and thus challenge the fireplace. Your cranium was laying between his shoulder and his collarbone, a soft balance where your head fit just fine.

But regardless of the parts of his anatomy, your body parts always seemed to fit perfectly with his. The latter reminded Kita of an old tale his grandmother used to tell him and how lovers, a long time ago, used to be one. But the Gods were so jealous of their powers and love that they decided to separate them, and since their natural form had been cut in two, each one longed for its own other half for all of their life, and so they would throw their arms around each other, weaving themselves together, wanting to grow together.

Truthfully, Kita did not pay one bit attention to the movie. He memorized some of the characters, surely, but all he could think about was how well you were fitting in his arms, how poetic this embrace was, how you were molded just for him and how you were molded just for him. And whilst still thinking about this myth, he was sure that he was your soulmate in another life.

Before he could even realize it, the second movie had started, and he could’ve sworn to himself that it was the same plot… Or was it? Oh well, he was going to pay attention this time, it was a promise to both himself and you. His hold tightened a bit around you, accustoming to the way he had straightened up himself to adopt a position perfect to focus solely on the movie.

It’s safe to say that he was absorbed. He had made mental maps of who was who and how this character was linked to another, hell, he was even already guessing what was bound to happen in the rest of the movie. Kita focused so intensely that it seemed that the noise emanating from the screen had cancelled out the sound of your soft snores, after all, his heartbeats were the perfect lullaby to fall asleep.

You looked so at peace, your dreams were surely the guardians of your quietude, and he had least hoped that he was in one of them. His fingertips brushed ever so softly against the crown of your hair, each motion was calculated not to wake you up, and it’s like he fell in love with you all over again.

« Because once we start, there’s no stopping, you said. Well, my love, it looks like you met your own end. » Kita’s words were mere whispers thrown into the quietude of the reigning atmosphere.

He solely needed to move his hands behind your thighs to put you in a position which would make it easier for him to carry you, those thoughts soon became reality as he was now holding you, a forearm secured behind your thighs whilst his other hand traveled from the nape of your neck to meet his other palm. He had never been so cautious in his life, after all, your slumber was at stake. And each step he took on the stairs was as quiet as the vacuity in outer space.

Kita’s hand gained its original spot back on your neck as he began to close the distance between your asleep form and the mattress, protecting your neck just like how you’d protect the neck of a newborn to avoid any harsh movement. And there you were, in your most serene before his eyes after a poor attempt at challenging him for a hallmark movie marathon.

You woke up the next morning, the sudden feeling of hot trails left by Kita’s hold on you that night awakened at the same time as you, and although your vision was blurry from the sudden adjustment to the lightening and the intrusion of the rays of sunshine which had pierced through your curtains, you could discern a foreign presence on your nightstand amidst your distorted vision of reality.

You blinked once. Then twice. And smile at the realization.

It was a basket composed of fruits, tea bags, water and other kinds of bakeries his grandma must have surely given him. But the most drastic detail was the note he had left along with the rest, in that detailed lettering of his :

« My love, make sure you eat your breakfast properly. I am looking forward to the second half of the movie marathon tonight with you. I love you.

Signed : Kita, your boyfriend. P.S : you are safe as long as you are with me, too. »

[halothenthehorns]

All in the Family

Chapter 81: The Yule Ball

"Achoo!" Regulus sneezed painfully hard, his eyes watering so much they were squinted nearly shut, leaving him half blind as he tried to gaze blearily around to their new torture grounds. The bright sunlight was helping nothing, the nausea that still persisted through their trips along this place was as heavy as ever, and this time in particular they seemed in a truly bizarre area that he couldn't imagine had to do with Harry Potter's circumstances. It was a garden, a truly illustrious one that Professor Sprout would water at the mouth to see. He'd landed on a pile of Honking Heleniums that were vocally none too happy at him as he scrambled onto the smooth limestone pathway, and looked around to see Evans the Muggleborn in the field across from him gazing in just as much confusion at some purple flowers he couldn't identify.

Brushing pollen from his robes and looking around carefully, surely no one had forgotten the Devil's Snare, he found nothing immediately dangerous about their environment, but didn't quite relax either. The hedge walls were about a foot above his head, but he could see even taller ones in the distance as if they fluctuated in size, or perhaps the whole place was built on rolling hills, and behind him in the distance he could see where the trail began in the shadow of an odd building. It looked sort of like an abandoned, though clearly once very fancy hotel carved right into a mountain. The huge cracks along its surface made him leery though it would collapse any moment and start an avalanche, so he wasn't keen on inspecting it too closely. Rising clear above all of this was the mountain peak, the glinting sun shining down right on the whole place like a spotlight.

He turned back around to see Evans was cautiously making her way through the plants with the most dainty of steps, and waited patiently for her to make it to the pathway before deciding she wasn't going to die so turning to be on his way in search of the book.

"Hey, err, Black!"

He turned back with honest curiosity what she had to say to him, they'd hardly spoken this whole time, and he certainly had nothing to say to her.

"I, um, I don't recommend stepping back off the path, alright? There could be something more dangerous than Dancing Dahlias around here, wherever here is."

He nodded once to show he'd heard before going back off, hands deep in his pockets. He was surprised at himself he didn't care anymore what anyone would have said about how he handled that situation. That he should have cursed her, or at least reminded her that as the more superior wizard he needed no such warning, would have been the expected return, but now he had other things on his mind to worry about than whatever that Muggleborn got up to in this place.

He didn't have to travel much farther, taking two right turns before he found the book nestled in a patch of strange-looking plants. From what little he knew of them, he'd guessed they were foxglove and irises mixed together in a bright plum color to create whatever was strong enough to hold that hefty book aloft nearly up to his waist. Even though it was in arms reach, he wasn't stupid enough to try grabbing it from the strange plant, and instead he looked miserably at his bare hands. Even if he did summon the book to him, he wasn't sure he trusted the strange plant enough it wouldn't leave residue on his hands to cause some adverse effect. Then his eyes brightened with an idea, and he shucked off his shoes, slipping them carefully into his bag this time, almost enjoying the warmth of the path on his bare feet while he pulled off his socks and used them as makeshift gloves before getting the book in hand. He was quite proud of his ingenuity and didn't care how ridiculous he probably looked as he read out the chapter title, happy at least this was being gotten out of the way already.

Frank had landed in a very prickly shrub, and the more he twisted to get free, the sharper the leaves dug into his clothes. He could feel small nicks where several had already broken skin. He was cursing so frantically by the time the hand was being shoved in his face he didn't care if it was You-Know-Who offering him help out, he took it with gratitude as he was finally pulled free.

"Thanks," he said in relief, already scratching at a bead of blood traveling down his wrist as he looked up into the werewolf's eyes. He yelped so hard in surprise he backed right back into the bush, which gave him a very uncomfortable prod and sent him stumbling back forward right into him. Lupin caught him with a look on his face Frank's panicked mind couldn't process. Was he smelling the blood? Was it going to send him into a frenzy? He didn't know, he bloody didn't bloody know-

"Oi, Moony! What was all that then?"

Lupin rolled his eyes with an expression anybody in the world could have understood. 'This idiot, right?'

"What do you think it was Sirius? Frank petting the thing?"

Sirius Black was giving him a look that was somehow more dangerous than even the werewolf had yet given as he was scrutinized, and Frank took another automatic step back. Black was splattered in what appeared to be gray paint and was already clearly in a bad mood. Frank saw this as a perfect opportunity to make his escape. He meant to turn around and leave, and found himself face to face with a very large hedge, at least twenty feet high. Looking around properly now, he saw there was only one path away, where Black was standing, with only a cobbled limestone walkway leading towards the bramble bush he'd landed in. It still had a few delectable, succulent green fruits hanging lowly from it, resilient little thing it was.

"I don't suppose you two know where we are then?" He asked into the awkward silence, taking all self restraint not to scratch at his itchy skin, the blood quickly mingling with sweat that had nothing to do with the pleasant weather.

"Not one little bit," Lupin said pleasantly.

"If we find out, we'll let you know at the next landing," Black shot off with more venom than a Venomous Tentacula could hold as he spun around and stalked off, clearly expecting his friend to follow. Lupin watched him go with an exasperated look, gave him an awkward sort of smile, before jogging after him.*

Swallowing uncomfortably, and well aware whatever insane garden they were in could possibly have that as well, he made his choice and stood his ground as they turned the corner and left. Counting to thirty in his head, he then left the area as well, hoping Alice was alright.

James was staring up at a tree full of golden apples and was very tempted to climb up and grab one. Not for eating even, just for something to toss around and do. Peter was being no help, humming to himself and bouncing on his toes as he watched a patch of Sunflowers carefully, the edge of their enclosure keeping them in a nice warmth despite the breeze blowing through. He seemed no more intent on breaking the awkward silence though.

"Wish Evans was around," James finally said. "Bet she'd be able to name every plant here. Wonder if that will give you the Midas Touch if you eat it?"

"You never need an excuse to want her around," he returned passively.

They were saved from anymore stilted attempts by Sirius' little brother's voice breaking the silence, and to James's further bewilderment, he saw an actual smile break out across Peter's face.

"We should go find him. I've been meaning to ask for ages-"

"Why bother?" James blurted in confusion. He barely registered Peter's downcast look at being interrupted, this had been baffling him for ages. "What on Earth have you two been getting so chummy about anyways?" His tone came out far more bitter in the end than he really meant it to, how he wished none of this had even happened anymore and they could just go back to school. If he had to find a way to get Remus and Sirius to make up again all over he'd take that over this constant spin-table of his usual life.

"I, I mean we, well he doesn't-" He's never interrupted me, just sounded petty out loud, but Peter couldn't think of anything else to say in that moment. The first time he'd talked to Regulus, he'd just been trying to be friendly in some bad circumstances as well as outsourcing a prank on Sirius, it wasn't until this moment he realized he'd been so excited to go find Regulus and ask him about this strange environment he'd not even bothered to question he'd be able to ask without somehow being overlooked.

He'd stuttered himself into silence, and James just gave him a bizarre look for it. For a peace offering, Peter summoned one of the golden apples to him and gave it a toss to James, who smiled in delight at the distraction and began tossing it in the air, turning on the spot and walking off without glancing back, expecting Peter to follow as usual.

Peter only hesitated for a moment before he did.

Alice landed in a fountain with an undignified squee. Standing up and checking all over her skin wasn't melting off or something, she slogged through the golden liquid and had to crawl on her belly to drag herself over the edge and flop down on the other side, shivering harder than ever. Realizing she was alone and instantly weary of this fact, she kept her wand held tightly and turned slowly, hopefully to clue in what was going on.

The fountain was glamorous, the water itself had a charm on it to sparkle in the sunlight from the two golden wands crossed, being held aloft by two people she vaguely recognized for some reason. It took a lot of concentration for her to recall that was Nicolas Flamel, and so possibly his wife Perenelle with him. As the book echoed around her of Harry being at the Yule Ball, and not enjoying it one bit by the sounds of how the night was going, then further progressing into the grounds where Hogwarts had set up a sort of mini garden path as well, she suspected her home school had been inspired by the Beauxbatons Academy for some decorative inspirations.

She sighed wistfully and shivered again Frank couldn't be here to dance with her at the mention of all this, she'd have much rather landed in the splendidly decorated Great Hall, and she winced in sympathy instead it seemed to be wasted on the patrons as not everyone's love life was going so well. Hagrid and Maxime, then Ron and Hermione even having an unpleasant spat, as well as Harry's Champion Rival giving off the oddest of advice before going back to the girl of Harry's affection. As grand as this place was, she couldn't imagine even its splendid manor could fix the myriad of problems going on in these worlds.

HPHPHPHP

Sorry I couldn't show off how I imagined the real Beauxbatons would look, but you know, they are outsiders and I'm probably cheating a bit by even showing off the gardens.

*Lemon to be posted separately

[hopecountysfavhoe]

‘Cold’ Chapter Fifteen Pt.2

Rating: PG13 again

Word count: 2,935

     The Deputy found Grace at the Lamb of God Church by chance. She didn't expect to find her there but she was glad that she checked. She drove up to the front door and found Grace up in the bell tower, watching for anyone.

     "Hey Deputy, hang on I'll come down there." Grace said and climbed down a ladder to the ground where the Deputy was standing. They sat on the stone wall together, silent for a long time.

     "How have you been? Have Kim and Nick been putting you to work?" Grace asked and the Deputy laughed.

     "Nah, they've been worse. They've been telling me to rest." She said and Grace cracked a smile.

     "But seriously, how have you been?" Grace's voice was serious again.

     "I'm fine. People need to stop worrying so much about me. I'll get back up, I always do." The Deputy was clearly frazzled with all the extra attention she'd been getting recently.

     "People are just worried."

     "Yeah I know but nobody used to worry so damn much, not until I got kidnapped." The Deputy sighed, rubbing her thumb over a rough stone on the wall.

     "People always used to worry, Kim especially, you getting hurt just gave us a reason to vocalize it." Grace explained and the Deputy looked at the ground.

     "...I know. I just wish people would forget about it and let me do my job."

     "Which is? I remember you coming in here to arrest Joseph Seed, not become our holy saviour. Deputy, I'm not telling you to never help again, I'm asking you to be ok with giving yourself a much needed break." Grace looked at her despite the Deputy not making eye contact.

     "I just don't know how to do that." The Deputy said and Grace nodded.

     "I know, but I will help you figure it out, and we all know Kim will." Grace said and the Deputy let out a small laugh.

     Grace could see right through the Deputy's lies. She could look past every excuse and see what was really wrong with her. She knew that her wanting to 'do her job' was just because she wanted a distraction from her thoughts. She knew that the Deputy wasn't fine and that she wasn't ok but she was driving herself insane trying to figure out who she was when she wasn't fighting.

     Grace had gone through the same thing when she came back from the war. She turned to hunting and marksmanship as her outlets but when you're barred from fighting or shooting the way the Deputy was, then you can start to lose yourself.

     Grace got an idea on how to help the Deputy. "Hey, come follow me." She said and stood up, she turned and offered her hand to the Deputy which she accepted. Grace helped her to her feet and started walking into the woods. The Deputy didn't know where they were going but didn't ask, she felt like being surprised. They didn't walk for long, but when they arrived the Deputy was shocked.

     Displayed in front of them was a gun range, secretly tucked away in the woods. Grace had targets hanging from trees, sticking up behind rocks, through broken branches, everywhere you looked were targets. "This is where I go to have some alone time. I sight my guns here." She said and took her rifle off her shoulder. "I'm guessing Kim confiscated all of your guns?" Grace asked behind her.

     "All except my pistol." The Deputy patted the pistol on her hip. The Deputy was still looking around at the targets when Grace held out her rifle to her.

     "Here, try it out." The Deputy stared in silence for a moment, trying to process what was happening.

     "Hang on, you want me to shoot your gun?" She asked with disbelief in her voice.

     "Yeah, you need an outlet and shooting is the perfect outlet. Just...don't change settings please?" Grace asked as the Deputy accepted her rifle.

     "Of course, yeah I won't touch anything." The Deputy promised and looked through the sight on top of Grace's rifle. It was weird to hold somebody else's gun, but feeling the weight of the heavy metal under her fingers was comforting.

     Grace took a step back and watched as the Deputy got into her shooting position on her stomach. A small grin crept onto her face as she watched her relax into her shot.

     The Deputy lined up the shot with a closer target, wanting to see what kind of accuracy it had. Of course it hit dead on, it was Grace's gun. She shot just about every target Grace had set up, only missing a couple of times. If she missed she'd try again and get it right then move onto the next one.

     It was so good to get to shoot again. The Deputy hated having to shoot people, but when it was targets it was much easier. The gun had a silencer on it, of course, so it didn't have a loud bang when it fired but it was relieving stress either way.

     She didn't realize how much she missed it, shooting. It was always something done out of pure necessity, it was something that had to happen whether you wanted to or not. But after a year of shooting it had become second nature. The bolt action, loading bullets, making sure it didn't jam, they were all mundane activities that had made sitting in that clinic bearable. Now, the doctor didn't let her have her rifles or semi automatics in the bed with her but she allowed her empty pistol and she would let Grace hand her individual components of her guns if they were kept far away from her. It was something about making sure the Deputy wasn't putting herself or anyone else in danger.

     That was the best part of getting out of that damn place, people didn't treat her like a child or like she'd gone crazy. She knew the doctor was just doing her job but still, it felt so demeaning to be forced to walk around on crutches (which she hadn't used since she left the clinic) and take her pain pills at a specific time of day.

     The Deputy tried to expel that annoyance and anger towards her situation through shooting, and it was working. With every metal target she hit she felt immensely better. She turned around to look at Grace with a huge smile on her face.

     "Thank you Grace, seriously. This is just what I needed." She thanked her and stood up off the ground. Her legs wobbled a bit but they did that when the Deputy stood up. She handed the rifle back to Grace who reloaded it.

     "Anytime, come on let's get you back before Kim gets upset at us." Grace shouldered her rifle and gave the Deputy a pat on the shoulder. They started back through the woods and walked till they could see the top of the church.

     They didn't talk as they walked but they were normally a quiet pair. They just listened to the sounds of the forest and enjoyed each other's company. They came down the hill right before the church and saw that nobody else was there except for the Deputy's truck.

     Grace walked a little in front of the Deputy so that she could open a small gate in the fence for them. Suddenly the Deputy felt something sting her neck. She reached her hand up and felt her neck, pulling away a small contraption of some sort. Her vision got wonky and the world started spinning around her. Unable to keep her balance she fell to her knees, she wasn't even able to get Grace's name out of her mouth.

     Grace turned around at the sound of something falling and saw the Deputy on all fours. "Deputy!" She exclaimed and rushed to her friends side.

     "What happened?" She asked and the Deputy tried to say something. Her brain was too scrambled to get out a sentence so she just showed her what stung her neck. It was one of the Peggies' Bliss bullets. Grace immediately scanned the area for any Peggies and reached for her gun.

     Out of desperation for something that didn't feel like it was spinning the Deputy gripped a patch on Grace's pants. Grace didn't know how to help so she just put her arm around the Deputy and made sure she didn't fall over.

     "Let's try and get you to the truck." Grace was already lifting her to her feet. She brought one of the Deputy's arms over her shoulders. With her other arm Grace hooked it under the Deputy's right arm to help hold her up.

     Moving wasn't great for the Deputy's rocky vision but Grace was determined to get her out of there before any Peggies showed up. She hobbled with the Deputy until she got to the passenger side door of her truck. She opened the door and helped her in, doing most of the heavy lifting until the Deputy was sitting in the seat properly. Her face had gone pale and her eyes were heavy and unfocused. Grace put her seatbelt on her and closed the door.

     As quick as she could she hoped in the drivers side door and peeled away from the church. "I'm bringing you back to Nick and Kim's house but I have to make sure nobody follows us." Grace said as they rumbled down the road in the opposite direction of Nick and Kim's house.

     The Deputy didn't open her eyes, instead she kept them scrunched up and shut so that her vision wouldn't keep swimming the way it was. She could hear Grace talking but it sounded far away, almost like she was underwater. The Bliss sped into her system, eating away at her will to stay awake. The steady rocking of the truck didn't help either, everything felt to comfortable. She couldn't help it, she basically drifted to sleep.

     Grace looked over at her unconscious friend and turned down a random road abruptly she couldn't see anyone following her but that wasn't very relieving. Still, she'd driven all around Hope County and the Deputy hadn't woken up yet. She knew she was still alive, she was breathing. But still, it bothered Grace that she'd never even seen the Peggie sniper. They must have been watching them in the woods and radioed John that the Deputy was there.

     After she convinced herself that she'd lost anyone that was following her, Grace sped up and went down the road that led to Nick and Kim's house. She practically skidded to a stop in front of their house and was already putting the truck in park as she opened her door. Grace leapt out of the truck and shouted for Nick.

     "Help! I need help!" She shouted and raced to the passenger side door. Nick scurried out of the hangar at the same time Kim opened the front door of their house. Kim shouted for Nick and rushed over to the truck.

     "What happened?" Kim demanded as Grace opened the passenger side door. The Deputy's seatbelt kept her in her seat but her unconscious body leaned dangerously towards the ground. "Is she ok?"

     "No, she got shot by a Bliss bullet." Grace said and Nick was suddenly right by her side.

     "Let's get her inside." Nick said and Grace unclamped her seatbelt. They were careful to not let her fall as Nick grabbed her right shoulder and Grace grabbed her left shoulder. Kim closed the door in the truck and raced to the front door of the house.

     Nick and Grace carried the Deputy up the front steps, her feet were dragging through the dirt but she was already as propped up as she could be. "What happened?" Kim demanded and swung the front door open.

     "We were by the Lamb of God church and she just collapsed. I got her here as fast as I could." Grace said and her and Nick brought her to the couch.

     "I don't know what to do for a Bliss bullet!" Kim panicked as the team lowered her onto the couch. They lifted her legs so that they were on the couch and took a step back. Grace knelt down next to her and felt her pulse.

     Nick tried to comfort Kim while she rushed to find a towel and water. Grace felt around her pocket and found what she was looking for. The Bliss bullet looked like something from a movie. It was a small canister no bigger than Grace's thumb and long needle stuck to the end. All of the Bliss from the canister was in the Deputy's system.

      "All we can do is wait and see when she wakes up. But I'd be careful, I don't know how big of a dose this is and sometimes coming out of the bliss can be dangerous." Grace told them as Kim rushed back into the room.

     "Did you get attacked?" Nick asked and Grace shook her head.

     "No, we were just walking and when we came back she just fell over. I didn't even see anybody." Kim dipped the towel in water and pressed it to the Deputy's forehead gently.

     The Deputy made a strange noise and shuddered away from Kim's touch. "Careful Kim." Nick warned and Grace placed a hand on her shoulder.

     "Let me, we don't know what she's seeing right now." Grace took the towel from Kim who backed away from the two. Kim and Nick watched as Grace carefully dabbed the Deputy's forehead.

     The Deputy reacted to Grace touching her like it was a live wire. Her arms and legs suddenly gained the mobility to try and fight back despite her eyes never opening. She tried to claw Grace who promptly put a knee on her chest to stop her from rolling off the couch.

     "Nick grab her arms!" Grace ordered as the Deputy fought back. Nick ran around behind her head and grabbed each of her elbows, pinning them down to the couch. Grace stepped off of her chest and grabbed her legs, pressing them down into the couch.

     "Dep, snap out of it!" Nick yelled into her ear as she thrashed. The Deputy shouted and shrieked like she as in pain, her whole body trying desperately to fight off her friends.

     "She's in the Bliss Nick, she doesn't know it's you. She probably thinks we're the Peggies." Grace said and held fast to her legs. Kim watched in horror as the Deputy struggled so horribly.

     "Don't let her hurt herself!" She exclaimed and suddenly heard Carmina start crying.

     "Don't bring Carmina down here, you go up and try to keep her calm. We'll stay here until she calms down." Nick said and readjusted his grip on her elbows as the Deputy fought to get loose. Kim nodded and hurried upstairs.

     "Dep, look it's me! It's Nick, you're ok! They don't have you, you're safe!" He said but his words bounced right off of her.

     "No! Get off of me!" The Deputy screamed but Nick and Grace didn't.

     "Hey Dep, it's ok you ain't anywhere near that fucking Seed ok? You're here with me and Grace and Kim and Carmina." The sound of Carmina's name especially made the Deputy thrash.

     "Maybe she thinks you're John. Say something John wouldn't say! You know she doesn't fight for herself, try something that convinces her we aren't going to hurt anybody." Grace said and Nick's brain was scrambled.

     "Ok uh uh, I'm not hurting anybody, I just want to talk?" His words, although unsure sounding, were helping.

     "Good, I don't want to go near your family, I only want you." Grace added. These were all thing John would never say but since the Deputy thought it was John saying them she calmed down.

     "If you stop fighting then I won't hurt anyone." Nick tried and the Deputy's fight basically stopped instantly. He didn't actually think that one would work he was just spitballing. "Good, just stay calm ok? We're not going to hurt you." Nick reassured her but that got her upset again.

     Grace cursed and held tighter to her feet. "Damn it!" She exclaimed. "I guess that's a trigger statement."

     "Maybe the most not-John thing I can do is not talk?" Nick suggested.

    They tried not saying anything and the Deputy slowly calmed down. Eventually she stopped thrashing and her breathing got more even. Nick looked over at Grace and gave her a small nod before he eased off the Deputy's arms.

     "Christ." He muttered and wiped his forehead with his arm.

     Grace carefully stepped away from her legs, her hands raised so that if she thrashed again she could quickly jump back in her. "I think she's out now." She said quietly.

     Nick looked to the stairs. "I've gotta go check on-" Grace shushed him and pointed to the Deputy, she didn't want her to hear any of theirs names incase she jumped back into a panic. "Oh right, I'll be back." He said and walked up the stairs. Grace let out a deep breath and studied the Deputy. She looked down at her friend with a frown.

     She kicked herself over the fact that she didn't see him. She didn't even know there was a Peggie sniper anywhere near the church, and yet he managed to get to the Deputy so easily. It was too easy. Grace promised herself she would be more vigilant next time she was ever out with the Deputy.

[littledreamybeth]

Angel Daddy

A/N: I wrote this in the middle of the night so it might make not much sense :D Enjoy!

Warnings: angst, mentions of death, will probably cause heartbreak

Her alarm went off. It rang and rang and rang and rang. There seemed no end. She didn’t turn it off. She had no power to stretch out her arm and shut it off. Instead, she reluctantly opened her eyes, just watching the red numbers depicted on the small device situated on her nightstand. She waited patiently- waited until the shrill, annoying sound stopped echoing through her bedroom. But it did continue. It continued, and she felt like her ears were bleeding. Rage started boiling in her veins, and the longer it took, the more she had the urge to smash the clock down, watching it break into pieces. Just like she had let her heart shatter into pieces. Seeing the broken parts scattered on the ground would bring her the greatest satisfaction, but no matter how much she’d love to do it, she also did not want to go outside to buy another. Being surrounded by people was the last thing she currently craved for.

It had been a while since she had been under people. She couldn’t tell how long it had been, perhaps days, weeks, or even months- she didn’t know. She had lost track of time. Was it Monday or Tuesday? Thursday or Friday? Was it May? Or June already? She really didn’t know. The world outside her apartment went on while hers had stopped. People carried on with their lives, practiced their daily routines and worked hard like a maniac. Y/N couldn’t remember the last time she had been at work. She had completely isolated herself from civilization, hiding behind the walls of her home.

Home. She scoffed, tears pooling her eyes. Home isn’t what it used to be anymore. A tear had found its way down her cheeks, shortly after the next followed. Then another tear started running, and it went on and on until she became a crying mess, heavy sobs leaving her already sore throat. Y/N was used to crying- it had become a part of her new life. Her fingers dug deep into the cushion she had her head rested on, her face pushed into the soft material to muffle her sobs. The all-too well known pain appeared between her ribs, gnawing on her heart as if something was still there. Literally speaking, she was alive, however, it didn’t feel like it at all. She wondered how she could be if she was already dead inside.

She lifted up her head, then facing towards the empty side of the bed. There was a time where another body was resting on that now cold, abandoned spot. Somebody with strong muscular and tattooed arms holding her, protecting her while she was asleep. Somebody whose heart was wider than the entire universe, too precious for this world. That vital organ, whose owner had been Y/N, was too kind and too valuable. The day it stopped beating was the day Y/N had fallen into an abyss with no familiar arms to catch her. He wasn’t there to assure her that everything was fine. He was no longer there. Gone too soon.

Y/N missed his forest-green eyes and his dimples when he smiled. She missed his throaty laugh and his warm touch. Funny how things can change from one second to the other. One minute you’re the happiest woman on earth, and the minute after your happiness is taken away from you, giving you no chance to spend more time, to create new memories, to enjoy togetherness. Everything happened with the blink of an eye, and now she must mourn over the loss of the man she loved more than anything in this world. She would’ve given everything to feel his soft hands on her- to feel the rapid beating of his heart under her fingertips. Her ears were deprived from his voice- how much did she wish he would call out for her again. The only times she heard his voice was when she cried herself to sleep while listening to the songs he’d left behind.

Her family was worried sick about her. Even though they knew she was going to change and wasn’t going to be their funny, happy, cheerful and vibrant Y/N anymore, they did not expect her to change this drastically. She was basically a walking corpse with no vital force. Her once tanned skin was now pale. Her once bright, shining eyes were now dull and empty. She didn’t talk anymore. She hadn’t used her voice properly for months- only if she really had to. There was barely anyone around with whom she could lead a conversation anyway. She cut everyone out.

Each day, Y/N was taking steps further to depression.

Her parents offered her to visit a psychiatrist, even proposed to accompany her, but she declined. From her perspective, she wasn’t insane, but her family shared different opinions on that matter. They had had to watch their daughter whither away like a rose. Who could’ve known that she was going to change 360 degrees? A young woman, no longer willing to live, but still clinging on to life because she had someone who was dependent on her.

Her love had left a legacy behind- a little baby girl.

A small baby who currently had learned how to stand on her own legs. Her chubby legs- he would’ve loved to gently sink his teeth into the little one’s skin. She was almost one year old and very vocal, babbling things no one could identify. Her first word was ‘dada’, and Y/N couldn’t figure out where she could’ve picked this up from since there was no daddy around. It was probably her sister teaching her niece how to say it- she lived with them to support Y/N, helping her out to make life a bit more bearable.

Y/N did not keep in touch with her in-laws. She couldn’t face them because of how similar they looked to him. It was already hard enough to look at her daughter who was the replica of her father without the need to cry. His mother understood- a mourning mother who sometimes wanted to crawl into a hole and never appear again. But the woman, called Anne, stressed that she wanted to see her grandchild often as possible because the baby girl was the only thing left of her son. She couldn’t lose her. So, Y/N’s sister drove little angel back and forth.

Her attention was now glued onto the large picture hanging on the wall. It was him displayed on it, beaming a smile towards her direction.

If he was looking down at her from above, then he must be very disappointed in her. He would complain that Y/N was barely taking care of herself. He used to a lot in the past because her wellbeing was an important factor for him. He would’ve wanted her to stay strong- especially for the baby.

“I’m sorry,” She whispered, wishing that he would answer her. “I’m sorry for being such a failure, for not being strong enough. I can’t… I can’t without you.”

Another sob wrecked her body. “How can I drink or eat, knowing you can’t do it anymore? Tell me, how could I go outside and enjoy things while you’re stripped off that opportunity? You’re everywhere, Harry. In every place, every corner, there is a part of you�� I cannot just go out and pretend to be strong as everyone expects when I’m so truly broken… I just can’t…”

She wiped the salty liquid with the sleeve of her pajama bottom. “Why you, Harry? Why does it have to be you?! Why do always good people die?! Why?!”

She couldn’t fathom what Harry did to be cruelly punished at such young age. He had been barely 30 years old when he passed away. One crash was enough to end his life immediately. He was dead on spot. It was a shock for all relatives, as well as for the entire world. Y/N tried to console herself that he at least did not suffer. No pain. Just eternal rest.

“I love you…I love you so much…” Y/N said, “I don’t know when I’ll see you again but please, wait for me…”

The young woman freed herself from the bedsheets and got up from bed. Her sister would be waking her soon anyway. Her head ached terribly from the amount of crying, so she strolled her way to the bathroom to take some medicine. When she passed the nursery, she suddenly stopped. Little squeaks could be heard from behind the door. Her baby daughter was laughing, and Y/N was wondering why. Baby girl should be normally asleep at this time. Curiosity eating her alive, she slowly pushed down the handle and slightly opened the door, taking a peek through the gap.

She furrowed her brows when she saw her angel sitting on her bed, clapping with her tiny hands while gazing at something in front of her. However, there was nothing that Y/N could see. She watched her daughter trying to get up, her fingers clasping the edge of her bed. She bounced on her chubby legs and laughed at whatever made her laugh. Then suddenly, baby girl stumbled backwards and fell down on her little bum, while rubbing her nose, as if someone had poked her. Y/N wanted to interfere, however, her heart skipped a beat when her daughter raised both of her arms to the air and squealed, “Dada, up.”

[onestowatch]

Lynn Gunn’s Honest Portrayal of PVRIS’ Past, Present and Future Plus Details on New LP ‘Use Me’ [Q&A]

Did you know that quicksand cannot really sink your entire body? Hollywood renditions of this frightening occurrence showcase “Indiana Jones” type heroes desperately reaching for a branch or a vine to evade being swallowed whole by the muddy foe. In real life, however, quicksand is much denser than the human body–namely your torso and lungs. So, although you may sink to some degree, you’ll only be engulfed to about your torso region. That being said, to escape the hold of this mucky captor, you’re called to utilize, not a vine or a stick, but a natural aspect of yourself–in this case, the buoyancy of your torso and lungs. Doing so allows you to adjust your positioning so that you are on your back and are therefore more easily able to free your legs and eventually, yourself.

During moments of crisis such as this, it is not often that we think to use what comes most natural to us in order to overcome difficulties. However, as PVRIS frontwomxn Lynn Gunn discovered, tuning into your natural inclinations can be exactly what sets you free.

After battling debilitating health issues, anxieties, and multiple album delays, the refreshingly new album Use Me is here, and it has the empowered LGBTQIA+ artist plastered all over it. From the distinctively raw lyrics, impassioned vocals, dexterous commixture of that classic PVRIS Alternative Rock and new-aged Glitch-pop, and even a 070 Shake feature, this new album is taking everything we thought we knew about PVRIS to much higher heights. Use Me serves as the first release since Gunn followed her heart and came forward as the sole architect behind PVRIS back in March. After listening to all 40 emotion-inducing minutes of this cinematic project, it becomes clear that Use Me is so much more than an album, it is an unapologetic reclamation of power.

We were able to speak with Lynn Gunn before the release of the album and gather her perspective on this new era of creativity, utilizing her natural abilities for this new project, and even on supporting social justice causes.

All quicksand jokes aside, sink into this interview with Lynn Gunn below:

Ones to Watch: Although you’ve been making music for quite some time, this new era seems to be of a new bloom, not only for PVRIS, but for you. As you have stated, PVRIS is still very much a collective, but you have decided to shed the skin of “band culture” and from it emerge as the sole vocalist, lyricists, and creative director of PVRIS. How has that transition been on you all? Are people taking to it the way that you imagined?

Lynn Gunn: I didn’t really imagine anyone taking it any way, to be honest, it’s happening regardless of what others want to say or feel about it. It’s felt great personally and as a unit. I’ve seen mostly support but obviously, with anything, there’s always going to be people with the opposite. At the end of the day, this is what this is moving forward and works best for us, I know my truth and what this journey has been and looked like so far. I’ve seen so many insane and comical theories and conspiracies about the transition/negative comments… but ultimately I think anyone who decides to wastes their energy like that might find their life to be much more enjoyable if they channeled that energy back into their own life as there’s clearly a lack/wound somewhere within themselves. If that seems sprinkled with “shade”, it is, but I mean that with the most sincerity as well.

The saying goes “you can never really outrun yourself”, and from White Noise to Use Me, it seems that you’ve left a bit of a breadcrumb-trail leading us to this point. Although PVRIS has primarily been recognized as an Alternative Rock “band”, we can hear tiny glimpses of the sound that best encompasses PVRIS now throughout your entire discography.  Was this glitch-pop, disco-esque sound something you were intentionally experimenting within your previous projects?

To be honest, this is always where I imagined PVRIS’s sound living and the type of production I’d heard PVRIS songs being told through. I think in the past I didn’t fully know how to communicate the little production nuances that would have taken some tracks from point A to B, there was also a fear (that I now regret having) about straying from the “rock” production/experiencing rejection from the “scene” we initially started playing shows and touring in.

For the most part, and I truly mean this, there really isn’t that much of a difference in the instrumentation and sonic choices of this album from the first two, it’s still a very even play of organic instruments and electronic/synths, it’s just being produced through a different lens that’s a bit cleaner, crisper and crunchier in some areas. It’s a new interpretation of the woodwork that’s always been there.

What has kept you motivated to continue creating and sharing your truth with the world?

That’s a great question because I go back and forth with that feeling sometimes… Ultimately seeing comments from fans/listeners and hearing everyone’s stories and ways that they connect to PVRIS’s music is the most motivating thing in the world. I also feel that no matter what type of obstacle course the universe wants to throw me through, I’m always going to be grateful for the bruises/lessons and always going to feel compelled to create and share those truths through music.

I understand you’ve run into a deluge of unfortunate health issues the past few years that have affected you and the band greatly. If you feel comfortable sharing, could you talk a little bit about these illnesses and the ways you have had to overcome the obstacles they brought forth to get you to where you are now?

Totally comfortable sharing! I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease called Ankylosing Spondylitis (AS) about two years ago and then about a year ago was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. AS is an inflammatory disease that mainly attacks the lower back, hips, and ribs, but it can also manifest in a lot of other ways as well such as joint pain, chronic fatigue, and even eye issues. Sometimes when my AS is really bad, I can barely get out of bed or even roll over in bed. Over time, if not treated properly or managed, it can cause your vertebrae to fuse... I’ve heard that’s super rare though. Crohn’s is chronic inflammation in the digestive tract and is a little more embarrassing but pretty self-explanatory haha…

They definitely taught me (and by taught I mean forced me) to take time in caring for myself and caring for my body. Resting properly, staying in shape, eating super healthy, setting boundaries with work, etc. It’s also just made me really appreciative of the moments when my symptoms aren’t as bad/just happy to be alive and not have it worse. I’m determined to manage both diseases holistically and through integrative medicine, so far I’ve seen great progress.

Do you believe these difficulties aided in your journey towards this self-actualization that listeners are able to distinguish in this new era of PVRIS? If so, how/in what way?

Definitely! There are definitely some references to those difficulties in a few of the songs. I think outside of the music, it’s given a lot more self-love, strength, and patience. It’s also just created even more urgency to live my truth and to live it unapologetically in the way that I want, which naturally extends into PVRIS and the art that I want to make.

If you had to use one word to describe each album thus far, what words would you use and why?

White Noise - Freshman - everything was so new and exciting and there was so much eagerness with it, like a freshman walking through a high school for the first time haha.

All We Know of Heaven, All We Need of Hell - Bootcamp (haha) - creating it and touring it were both pretty hard experiences BUT incredibly strengthening.

USE ME - Upgrade - despite all the chaos around this release, this is the freest I’ve felt and the most confident I’ve felt about a PVRIS album.

All the visuals and music video treatments that you have conjured up have a strikingly symbolic and cinematic feel to them. However, the symbolism and tone of the music videos tied to Use Me seem to take on a different nature. Can you talk about this shift in creative expression?

Mostly just working with new collaborators (Yhellow, Katharine White and Griffin Stoddard). I feel a lot less precious about things (to a healthy degree) and much more open to letting others run with the concepts as they wish! So many fun new exciting perspectives have been able to shine through.  

I know you are a film fanatic and dabble in cinematography. Do you have any staple films that influenced the creation of the last five music videos?

The Holy Mountain was a big influence for the “Hallucinations” video, as well as [for] “Old Wounds”. For “Dead Weight”, I was actually inspired by the opening credits to That 70’s Show and Saturday Night Fever haha.

In July, you announced that the album was being pushed back so as to allow the floor for the amplification of Black voices, and to generate events in support of Black Lives Matter. Do you believe artists have a responsibility to take steps such as these to create a better future, regardless of whether or not these issues directly affect them?

Absolutely. We all need to be educating ourselves and actively doing the work to demand and create change towards a future that’s equal and just for Black lives.

Fans have been clinging to the edges of their proverbial seats waiting for Use Me in spite of all of the justifiable album delays. If you could relay one message to all the fans who have been patiently waiting, what would it be?

Please enjoy/connect, be good to each other and please please please vote if you are able!

Who are your Ones to Watch?

DRAMA, Jax Anderson, HDBeenDope, Royal and The Serpent, Nikki Hayes, Kat Cunning and LEXXE!

[la-paritalienne]

hellooooo 🍭 how are you?? Just letting you know your fans are waiting for your usual song by song review for Chemtrails 😇 if you want to do one!!!! Xx

😍😭 omgggg this is long overdue :((( i’ve been neglecting my tumblr for a series of reasons – some of which regrettable – and i can’t believe this slipped my mind! please let me know if you see it and thank you for asking. i’m always amazed that someone cares. without further ado!

white dress: i looooove this as an opening track, the breathy voice is perfect and the song sets the tone for the whole album, both vocally and lyrically. the chorus is super catchy and got stuck in my head from the first listen (which was before the album came out hehe), i adore the look how i do this, look how i got this part. downatthemaninmusicbusinessconferece kinda makes me laugh but at the same time it’s iconic and different. also, i wish i could keep this for myself but i feel compelled to say that the way she sings down in orlANdo reminds me of sweet brown’s i got bronCHithis fgkgkkg so yeah funny AND iconic sums it up.

fave lyrics: ‘cause it made me feel, made me feel like a god / kinda makes me feel like maybe i was better off

8,5/10

chemtrails over the country club: this was by far my fave single, although i wasn’t obsessed w it at first as i got after listening to it within the album. from the first line, it just makes your stomach twist in that bittersweet way. i love the laid back production, the lyrics are poignant and gorgeous (there’s nothing wrong contemplating god, i’m not unhinged or unhappy i’m just wild) and i adore how mundane stuff meets poetic imagery, plus the astrology references... not to mention how brave it is to wanna share those placements (jk, no hate). the different vocals, the falsetto, the layering... it’s just so good. also this might be an unpopular opinion but i think the title is genius and i absolutely support this as a title track.

fave lyrics: you’re in the wind, i’m in the water / nobody’s son, nobody’s daughter

9/10

tulsa jesus freak: this was my fave from the first seconds, it’s stunning, bittersweet, i loooove the production (the little autotune over hurry up gives me chills). i can’t even comment properly because i love everything about it.

fave lyrics: like a little piece of heaven, no more candle in the wind

10/10

let me love you like a woman: i think the opening promises more than what the song delivers, especially the chorus is maybe a bit underwhelming? but tbh after a few listens it grew on me too, i love the high notes and the lyrics are sweet. the first line remains my fave part tho, the way she delivers it... also the verses in general, simple and honest and kind of bratty (i guess i could manage if you stay / its just if you do, i can’t see myself having any fun, so), i can’t not love it.

fave lyrics: talk to me in songs and poems / don’t make me be bittersweet

8+/10

wild at heart: this one gives me old lana vibes, like somewhere between ultraviolence and honeymoon, especially the verse – i’m just obsessed w it. the chorus sounds a lot like some other songs of hers, maybe a little too much for me to enjoy it completely (esp mariner’s apartment complex, her vocal runs sound exactly the same??). anywayyy it’s just a very beautiful song. at first i wasn’t particularly bewildered by this album, like i recognised quality but that was it, but after a few listens i have to say it’s impressive how consistently good the songs are.

fave lyrics: i love you lots like polka dots / you’re killing me more

8-/10

dark but just a game: the hidden gem of the album, competes w tulsa jesus freak for the n.1 spot in my heart, actually maybe it holds it rn, i’m just stunned by it. it almost sounds like lizzy grant’s repertoire, but with lana’s maturity and nonchalance. simply a gorgeous reflection on fame. both musically and lirically i just find it impeccable.

fave lyrics: life is sweet or whatever baby

10/10

not all who wander are lost: ok this might be my least fave (spoiler: with the cover), it’s pretty and the lyrics are good, maybe slightly basic? and it just doesn’t stick w me, it kinda sounds like a poem slightly sung? the background music is maybe too feeble and there’s no memorable melody, if it makes sense. however, the look at me, look at you part elevates it quite a bit. (i mean, it’s no ‘how you like that’, but i liked it)

fave lyrics: the thing about men like you is you got a lot to say / but will you stay?

7-/10

yosemite: another not-fave, maybe this and the previous ones kinda feel like fillers to me, like for my taste, i like them and would never skip them if listening to the whole album, but they wouldn’t make a separate playlist. however, the chorus of this is kind of catchy, although the metrics in we did it for the right reasons kind of bug me, idk why! i also find the song a bit too long and monotone! yes to the candle in the wind reference (again!) tho.

fave lyrics: isn’t it cool how nothing here changes at all?

7/10

breaking up slowly: up there w tjf and dark but just a game. why the fuck isn’t nikki lane credited???? she is insane, when she opens she sounds like stevie nicks and her armonies w lana are perfect. the lyrics are simply heartbreaking and the country feel of it all is unexpected and fresh within the album. love love love

fave lyrics: we might be breakin’ up after this song

10/10

dance ‘till we die: spoiler alert, this song kind of bored me until the rock break??? iconic????? it’s still not my fave bc the verses are a bit too slow and unremarkable to me, but That Part just levels everything up.

fave lyrics: but sometimes, this ranch feels like my only friend / and life doesn’t always work out like we planned / we keep it movin’, babe

7,5/10

for free: i love both weyes and zella, although i find the mix of them + lana a bit confusing, like individually i can tell them all apart, but none of them brings the rawness and contrast w lana that other features of hers did (nikki, stevie!!!). also im sorry joni but i really don’t like this song?? maybe the original is amazing and im an ignorant for not knowing it and it was them who made it so boring and lamentous? idk. anyway. it’s a cover so idk if the vote is more for the song or for the production and adaptation or what but yeah. strong lyrics of course, but this is my opinion on this version of it

fave lyrics: and i’ll play if you’ve got the money / or if you’re a friend to me / but the one-man band by thе quick lunch stand / he’s been playin’ real good for free

6-/10

sooo overall i really loved it and some of the songs i particularly liked are among her best ever to me, though that’s like 100 songs by now so, quite a big list. what did you think? again, thank you for caring and sorry for the delay ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[ariyadaivaris]

- oh god vic please come back. where have you gone. we miss you

- NEW GEAR! NEW GEAR FOR TONY the track jacket is obviously new (its very cute i like the rolled up sleeves+tape up to wrists look a lot) and his new goofy lil emblem on his kneepads. also its the same candy red as ariya's. unbearable! i can't stand them. good for him

- "a red wedding of sorts, if you will" HUH? YOU CAN'T SAY THAT. WHY DID HE SAY THAT

- ARIYA DID THE SLASH ACROSS THE THROAT THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT FEELS LIKE LIFETIMES SINCE HE'S DONE IT i love him. terrible. awful. scary <3

- the windup on ariya's elbow drops <3 he is a delight to watch...

- god i wish wish WISH 205 had some fucking storylines again!!!!!!!!!! i love tony and ariya and i love the bollywood boys, you know this, but if i have to watch another mostly directionless tag match that won't go anywhere or lead to anything because the cw division's plot-important stuff is relegated to nxt with an entirely different group of people and none of these guys are considered in high enough regard to reap the rewards of a division they built and carried on their backs for the last 5 years with NO fucking help or faith in them at all i'm going to go off the deep end. i would take an in-ring promo at this point. anything at fucking all   - commentary keeps pushing the "they're working harder than ever to get a title shot" thing and it's just so. i'm insanely depressed about it. does ANYONE genuinely believe, watching this, that they will ever be given a title shot? do the four men in this ring right now have any hope that they will ever see that title on their show again, never mind get a chance at it?   - ariya really isn't ever gonna be a champion is he. the division gets some steam and he's never going to be a part of it. i'm so mad all the time. lol

- its...a struggle to watch 205 recently. it is a struggle to do fucking anything recently but this especially is hard because 205 is like. My Thing. that is the one thing that i am in it for, this is the one thing i have to look forward to on a weekly basis, to mark the passage of time for myself. and i just can't keep doing this! watching alone, having to sustain interest on my own, ignoring the parts of the division that have things going on because its dudes ive never seen on 205 and have no interest in and because its a lot of miserable shitheels and predators that dubya considers relevant for reasons i will never understand (their loyalties have always been clear but given how little anyone cares about like, devlin, who has never done anything in dubya at all even if you ignore That, its like what tradeoff could possibly be worth this unless you want to just signal that you will protect abusers which EVERYONE KNOWS ALREADY), watching and desperately finding scraps of character development in reruns of the same three match configurations over and over and over again involving more dudes that you don't really care about even after all this time because they joined post-plot-or-character and its all with no build, no leadup, no EXCITEMENT, while everyone has already kind of moved on from it for reasons that seem better and better all the time. i don't want to let go of it or stop hoping because i WANT to see if anything happens, i care about ariya and tony's weird fuckin story arcs that much if anything and honestly i think letting go of it at this exact point in time is admitting a loss that i could not withstand at the present moment, but its so...i have to force myself to watch it at this point. and i know it all sounds sooooo pathetic because it is, but i'm just. im so tired!!!!!!!! im so fucking tired of it all

- OHHH SAMIR'S SAVE INTO THE NECKBREAKER OWNS

- ITS FUCKIN SUNIL TIME BABEY!!!!!!!!!! SUNIL SINGH EPIC MOMENTS COMPILATION!!!! GOLD STANDARD DOESNT STAND A CHANCE LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOO

- ariya tagging tony in and just kind of collapsing and rolling through the ropes to have a little lie-down on the apron. sunil singh unstoppable, undefeatable, cannot be survived

- ARIYA KNOCKED HIMSELF OUT ON THE POST. ARIYA

- TONY TWO KNEES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- TONY GET CLEAN PIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARIYA WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- oh my guy ariya's not lookin too good lol

- he’s fine <3 (he IS okay if you are worried)

- oh now lorcan cares about the cruiserweight division again huh! interesting ^_^

- legado del fantasma should be allowed to do that. i think its okay

- i don't really care about him besides going huh, fun aesthetic i guess, but i like grey's entrance music a LOT. maybe it's just the vocals making it distinguishable from whatever new team is doing the themes and making them all the same boring generic hinting-at-metal pop punk instrumental shit. oh well

- commentary making suuuuuuuch a big deal over grey doing things The Right Way to beat mansoor and IF I DO RECALL CORRECTLY tony as well and ignoring that he cheated to beat ariya. ariya gets cheated out of the recognition he's earned once again i see...pretty sure grey wasn't doing it The Right Way when he put his feet on the ropes against the BACKBONE, the BLOOD, the SPINE of the cruiserweight division but whatever............

- you know what i miss? high flying. that thing that 205 was originally about showcasing in a lot of ways? where did that go (to the corner to sit through timeout for being too good apparently) god i miss lhp i miss cedric i miss babyface moose i miss angel and humberto and AKIRA!!!!...i even miss buddy...wails and gnashes my teeth. i miss alicia and kenta and lio and the kanellises though i am glad they are out of dubya. some of these people aren't high flyers which was the original point whatever i still miss them. i need to rewatch 205 so i can try to have fun and not freak out over just how much of it i have to skip over

-  he is so handsome <///3

- ariya is both very VERY interested in august cheating to beat him and furious that he's not cheating to beat anyone else. why WOULD he do that? he didn't care about it when he had to beat ariya. ariya's not the ONLY heel in the division, and not the only person who would cheat to win. august can position himself as righteous--he's doing things HIS way, after all--and noble, but ariya knows better. august is losing by doing this, too! he's not WINNING! he cares more about his principles than about the win, which is CERTAINLY news to ariya. turnabout is fair play against him, apparently, because It's Daivari and anyone can do anything to him and get off scot-free. ariya watches grey refuse to cheat against anyone else, and he listens and he is commended as a hero for it, and it is driving him up the wall to watch. of course, ariya getting humiliated and treated like shit by people who then get lauded as clean babyfaces who continue thinking of him as a dirty cheater beneath them as they do the same things is uh. he’s encountered it before

- "YOU blew it! you let your pride get in the way! YOU blew it! don't ever forget that!" HM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- this is so fucking juicy. ariya ranks winning through any means above his pride! ariya would rather win dirty than lose clean. he's disgusted that grey won't use his brain to see that a win is better than a loss. ALSO! ariya going "you let your pride get in the way" is SO interesting! self righteousness as arrogance in his eyes feels very illuminating. NO he's not exactly PROUD of the shit he's done but it's the smart thing to do. he's survived, hasn't he? how many other cruiserweights could say that? did mustafa survive? did cedric? did akira? did their principles help them survive? did akira having his arm ripped off just to outlast ariya The Right Way do anything to help him in the long run? what good is doing things the right way when it is so so so fucking hard not to die in here already? on the other hand, ariya is also kind of proud at times! ariya's pride being wounded is what led to the huge character shift he went through to begin with. his pride got in the way of joining drew and tony on the same level and it got in the way of fixing things properly between him and tony until they had to grow back together, and when i say grow i mean it in the sense of...like...a tree. slow and deliberate and taking fucking forever. and it's still never been addressed out loud, really. when ariya says grey's pride got in the way of somethig, he has some idea of what he's talking about ugh. UGH!!!!!!!!! this is all so fascinating. ariya daivari top five characters of all time

[ribcagecarnival]

ADMIT ONE • VIOLET SKIES

I first heard Violet’s music while coping with heartbreak in January 2019. Her song “Cry For Me” is peak crying on the dance floor music, which is, frankly, the only genre that matters. A year later, she caught a set of mine at a house show, and we immediately linked up to write. Turns out we have great musical chemistry and we get along very well just as people, too. Her music often calls MUNA and Robyn to mind for me, but her love for folk titans like Joni Mitchell is also apparent. Check out this playlist of songs that move the wonderful Violet Skies (plus her reasons behind each selection). Her ticket to the Carnival is good for a lifetime.

A Case of You - Joni Mitchell The song I wished I’d written. The song I try to write. The lyrics, the melody - HOLY WTF. Unimaginable genius that she is, and the most simultaneously clear and vague expression of love’s totality. 14 year old me heard this through my Dad, who said Joni Mitchell was a true artist and made sure I listened to every single one of her albums. I will NEVER be over this song. Even the title is just insanely beautiful in its duality of meaning.

Zero to Hero - Hercules Hercules was my first true introduction as a child to gospel music (I grew up in Wales don’t judge me) and honestly the vocals on this film, insane. The runs, harmonies, energy - as a child it was nothing like I’d heard before and I learnt this song back to front and still to this day I think it’s insanely good songwriting, musicality is just *chef’s kiss* and the women on this song MAKE that entire film.

Can’t Help Loving That Man of Mine - Showboat Original Recording I sang this 3 times for my ‘show song’ portion of my singing grades. Everyone else usually chose something like Phantom of the Opera or something more classical, because it was a classical singing grade. So I’d sing like a few arias, something in German and then three years in a row I sang this because I thought it was (aged 12) the most wonderful song ever. Lyrically, it’s rather toxic for a 12 year old girl, honestly, but I was a hopeless romantic and having never kissed a boy at 12, the VIBES on this song were just so dramatic and I loved it. Also Showboat had me and my sister in tears the first time we watched it aged 6, I don’t think my Mam realised how traumatic it was when she put it on for us to watch.

Goodnight My Angel - Billy Joel Billy Joel, songcrafter extraordinaire, writes lullaby for his daughter, I die. I aspire to this level of craftsmanship and yes, this also makes me cry. Please go and listen to this song.

Make You Feel My Love - Adele’s version Bob Dylan wasn’t someone my parents played so I didn’t know he wrote this. Adele is just TONE and WARMTH and this song again, is so dramatic and over the top and also subtle in a way that moves my very being. I sung this so many times as a teenager and it began my love for Adele. Ballads never get old, the good ones age like fine wine (I don’t actually like wine but whatever) and they continue to be relevant and timeless in their message.

Samson - Regina Spektor Only recently did I realise that this song has affected my songwriting and is 100% behind my obsession with the chromatic 1-2-3-4 chord progression that is the PERFECT pre-chorus in my opinion. This song is just GENIUS. A song about a modern day relationship with Samson, iconic in its own way (Wonderbread!), paralleled with the original Biblical tale of Samson. Melody and lyric and piano come together in a way that really separates Regina from her peers and this song will live on for decades. The song is so specific, almost unrelatable-to in content, but it makes so much sense on an emotional level and that, that, is songwriting.

Kate Bush - Running Up That Hill She wrote it. She produced it. She’s a feminist searching for equality of experience. She’s exploring gender. She’s talking to God. She’s creating iconic sounds before her time. She is Kate Bush and I will not hear a word said against her. Big Boi does a whole interview on this song and he GETS IT. Go watch that because he explains it so well.

At Last - Etta James I sung this at every talent show I ever did and every shitty pub gig in my teens. This song! Her voice! Nobody sings like Etta. She is effortless. This song shaped my voice and I credit this song and Etta James with helping me learn runs, vocal control across my chest and head voice, and how to really sing something and mean it. When people talk about how music of black origin underpins all modern music, it’s songs like this and artists like Etta they are talking about. She is a foundation, a cornerstone in the development of the modern vocal.

Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap Imogen Heap is really tall in real life and even more wonderful. I heard this first through my sister who played it to me in the car and I lost my mind. THE VOCODER. The melody. I don’t ever know what she means really, completely, (like Bon Iver) but like, god i feel it. *That* moment in the song is so insane and I hear it all the time in my own music. Wild! It’s so wild how 30 seconds of a song can change the entire way you think about music and shape your own musicality.

I Love You More Than You’ll Ever Know - Donny Hathaway Amy Winehouse sings in Rehab “cos there’s nothing you can’t teach me…that I can’t learn, from Mr Hathaway”. She’s talking about Donny Hathaway and she’s right. Donny Hathaway’s voice is bottled soul, a depth of feeling most normal musicians will never in their lives. He ‘taught’ Amy and it shows. This song I covered and never released, but I also practiced production for the first time when I made it. The drama of this lyric too - admitting he isn’t perfect, knowing he doesn’t express his love properly but yet this song is the ultimate expression of love.

Wannabe - Spice Girls Changed my life. First album I ever got (from the tooth fairy). The Spice Girls were the soundtrack to my very early years and there are many videos of me doing dance routines to this song. If I wanted to be a pop star, this is where it started. Also don’t tell me that ZigAZigAHHH isn’t genius!?! This song is something a modern Kpop band would release. That iconic laugh at the start?! I went to their reunion tour with my sister, she was a few month’s pregnant and we both BAWLED because the nostalgia and full circle moment was just too much.

Love Is A Losing Game -  Amy Winehouse Lyrical perfection. Real songwriting. Conceptually perfect. Amy Winehouse changed my life because I saw a woman with a guitar on stage singing lyrics I understood, lyrics I thought were clever and funny and vocally she just outshone everyone around her. When Amy passed away I was at a friend’s garden party, my Mam rang me and I cried in the toilets and no one could understand why I was so sad, she’s the only famous person I’ve ever really cared about like that. I felt I knew her and I owed her so much. The world owed her more and I miss her. I love to imagine what she would be like in today’s music world and what she would be writing. But the two albums were enough to keep me listening for a lifetime. This song won an Ivor Novello award and I think it is real art.

Jealous - Labrinth I’m jealous I didn’t write this song. I think this song is on most people’s I WISH lists and does it even need explaining!?!

33”GOD” - Bon Iver What do the lyrics mean? How do you pronounce Bon Iver? What does the title mean? How do you even arrive at this song when you start writing?! The production is so game changing and the Bon Iver SOUND is so unique and has affected the entire music industry, seeping in to pop and mainstream. Even Taylor knows. But this song is the one I played on repeat. I still don’t know the lyrics but I know I feel like a firecracker underwater when I listen to it and that can’t be a bad thing.

Rude Boy - Rihanna This is one of the sexiest songs ever. It changed how I thought about women and what it means to be comfortable in yourself and your own sexuality. I’m just gonna leave it at that.

Retrograde - James Blake “SUDDENLY I’M HIT” and my entire brain blows off. I played this on repeat when I moved to London and when I finally met him a year or two later I said probably nothing of consequence and likely made an arse of myself but what I should of said was “retrograde changed my life”. It shaped how I think about production, made me think about synths and the interaction between organic and synthetic sounds and the use of a songwriter’s song in a non traditional setting. James sets the bar so high for all of us and we just jump around trying to come anywhere close.

[deansinkdbitch]

Of the seas and winds

Notes: siren song used is via link to this incredible girl who done a vocal cover of Hans Zimmer's score piece “mermaid” from POT : on stranger tides. Check it out, she’s absolutely haunting to listen to! https://youtu.be/QFo2mpFBIX8

Summary- You meet John Constantine at a local bar in Scotland near the shoreline but not all is as it seems.

Constantine X mer!reader/ fluff and mild violence. Also, its over 5,000 words- I apologise haha! Feel free to give me any feedback/ if you wish me to write more about Velinia and John etc etc etc. :)

--------------------------------

Waves crashed against the Scottish shoreline. Rocks took a mighty beating as the waves became stronger than normal on this brisk night. Only people utterly insane came out on this blustery night in the rain. Of course, there were ALWAYS crazy people out in this typical British weather. As the weather beat down, a tall muscular man stopped dead in his tracks. His dog barked repeatedly but not at him but out towards the sea. The man seemed to get hypnotised by the bearing waves when he could hear a song in his head. “AHH ahhh ahhhh ah...ah ahhh ah...” the melody was simple, and repeated but he couldn’t turn it off. He couldn’t turn away as his feet took charge of his entire being and walked down the stone steps that years of water damage had created. With his feet on a low rock, water crashing over his feet, his jeans soaking the salt water up, he saw her. A maiden with long hair billowing in the harsh winds.

She stared at him with her silvery eyes as her arms crossed her chest combing her fingers through some of her dark hair. “Are you my jolly sailor Bold?” she questioned in a melodic voice. “I can be whatever you want me to be,” he replied smiling, unable to get the song out of his mind. “Just answer me this. Are you the one singing that song?” he questioned. “I am...my sailor. Come... Come closer, I’ll grant you three wishes my jolly sailor.” She practically sang to him, and that’s all it took. He stepped off the rock, arm outstretched to go to her when sea foam lapped at his legs and she leapt towards him with an almighty screech.

With a vicious flip of her golden and silver tail, she grabbed the man removing his hypnotised state, and dragged him down underwater.

Up above his dog barked more viciously, left seeing his owner be dragged by the local mermaid of Culle Bay, Nunton.

---2 weeks Later---

“What can I get ya?” The barman queried as he placed a napkin on the wooden bar and wiped down the top. “Whiskey mate” a Scouse accent replied. “coming up!” came the acknowledged response.

A glass got placed in front of John Constantine, he watched the golden dark liquid got poured into it. “Cheers.” John thanked the bartender, grabbing for his glass. He had been told about a case in Scotland about men disappearing and reappearing days later washed up on shore. He personally thought Chas was talking rubbish but Chas wouldn’t let him pass this one.

“How’d you get into this cases Johnny boy? I mean really... Merfolk.” He mumbled to himself as he let his drink warm his throat as it slid down. He had met all kinds of supernatural beings. Vampires? Check. Demons? Check. Angels? Double bloody check. Hell, he’d even come across werewolves or as he knows most of them to be- lycanthropes. But mermaids?! John was convinced Chas had lost his mind. He’d be doing this job for too many decades to believe they really existed. He truly believed if they did exist then he would have spotted one by now in one matter or another.

“You gonna keep staring lass or can I enjoy my drink without your eyes boring into the side of my skull?” he questioned without even looking to the side of him. Yet he knew there was a girl just sitting there stools away from him staring at him intently. When he had no response from her, he glanced towards her barely even turning his head. She was quite the sight John thought. Her skin was almost translucent, shimmery even. Her hair long and dark. Yet, it wasn’t those features that made him check he even still breathing. It was her eyes. They were golden. Not just bright brown that deceives onlookers into thinking they were gold. They were 100% golden, like the setting sun's rays when they got the water and dance on top of the waves.

“What’s your name love?” John enquired, unable to turn away. He’d met some gorgeous ladies in his time but this woman was hypnotic. She was nothing he’d ever encountered before. Pull it together John.

“Venilia” you tell him. You had some limited English but you understood more than you could speak. You were captivated by John. He seemed so different to the fishermen in this bar. You were intrigued by his look and style. You wondered by he would wrapped slim fabric round his neck. Your curious wandering gaze didn’t go unnoticed by him. “Like what you see?” he smirked. You wasn’t sure if you liked it as you wasn’t even sure if you understood what you saw. All you knew was you couldn’t help standing up, walking over and grabbing his tie in fascination.

This made John chuckle and wonder what drugs you were on. “Its a tie love. Lots of blokes wear them.” He smirked lifting his hand up and grazing yours as he removed his tie from your grip to flatten it back down. Not that he ever wore it properly anyway.

His brief touch threw you off guard and you pulled your hand back towards you rapidly. “You on drugs or something?” he questioned. “Dont worry about her. She’s a regular but don’t think she’s from actually from here. Just comes in and watches everyone and drinks a fuck load of salty water.” The bartender explained to John as he came back out from the back. “Is that so mate?” John responded intrigued. “Yup, but she’s not harming anyone so I let her stay. Think she’s trying to learn English from people.” John gets told before the bartender tends to a new customer who just walked in.

Maybe Chas wasn’t insane after all. He thought to himself. “How about we have a little chat lass. Would love to get to know you,” John suggested as you continued to study his whole demeanor. You step forward and go to sit next to him when you hear a familiar sound from outside and quickly run out the bar. John couldn’t believe what he just witnessed. He saw you run out but he could have sworn you barely made a sound as you placed each foot on the ground. “Dont be stupid, mermaids ain’t real and you’ll prove it.” John mumbled quietly to himself, finishing his whiskey.

“Oh they’re real alright lad! This town is known for having sirens come on stormy nights luring men by their song before dragging them to the sea depths. You’d be wise to believe in what you don’t see boy.” The oldboy next to him chirped. This caused John to just snigger as he placed a five pound note on the bar and getting up. “then I guess I’m wise mate. Just don’t think merfolk are one of the myths that are based in truth.” John quipped back leaving the bar. “Now...where did you go?” he wondered to himself before deciding against looking for you and heading back to the motel by the sea instead for a much needed sleep.

John was standing by the shoreline watching the calm seas wash out into the open world. The sun was incredible which made him glad he had his shades on. “Venilia...” he whispered as he watched you walk out the waters and up the stone steps. Your naked body glistening like sea foam. Meeting you half way John took his trusty trenchcoat off and wrapped it around you.

“You’re back love.” He smiled as you stopped him from guiding you further onto land. “I’ve come to say goodbye John. I cannot return to this world above anymore. I cannot risk your life.” You tell him in perfect English but still essences of your ethereal accent remained. “I can keep myself alive. Come...” John spoke brushing hair out of your face, getting lost in your golden eyes once more.

You leaned forward and placed an intoxicating kiss on his lips before handing back his coat and returning to the sea ..

John woke up the next day his head feeling fuzzy. “What the bloody hell was that?!” he groaned. Sitting up in bed he ran his fingers through his hair. He wondered who you were to create such a dream as that. Romantic dreams were NOT his style. Dreams that were practically porno maybe, but not disney-esque romantic ones. He shuddered in disgust that he had such a dream.

It didn’t take John long to get dressed in his usual outfit and trusty trenchcoat ready to head out and do some research. If one guy said mermaids are real, then surely there must be someone else who’s not drunk nor insane to tell him more information. As he stepped out onto the street, cars screeched down the road sirens blaring. Looking around he saw people standing around watching also. “Hey! What’s gone on?” he questioned, taking out a cigarette and lighting one up taking a deep drag.

“Another guy has been found washed up on the beach dead. Fifth one in two weeks. Poor bastard.” A bystander nearest him explained. Five men in two weeks washed up dead on the beach? Okay, I’m officially curious now. Probably demons pretending to be mermaids. He thought to himself. With a flick up of his coat collar, he begins to stride down towards the edge of the road that leads to the beach. Knowing the beach would be completely surrounded by all kinds of authorities he had to come up with a plan to inspect the body and area without being seen. Unfortunately the only way he could do that was to wait til the body was at the morgue. “bollocks. Okay, wait for the authorities to thin out and the body has gone. Start with the area first. The poor dead bastard will have to wait til tonight.” He thought out loud to himself.

Hiding under the nearest stone pier he watched silently as the dead guy got carted off in a body bag and over time the authorities cordoned off the area and left. It took most of the day, and a lot of fighting restlessness, but John could finally go over. Closing his eyes, he mumbled a spell to himself and with a wave of his hand, he cast a supernatural scan of the scene. “Now... Let’s see what we find” John said to himself. Looking around he was beginning to think it was pointless until a tiny glimmer began to reveal itself in the sand. “Hello” he remarked in an almost flirty sing song. “And what might you be?” he enquired, bending down and picking up the object in question. If was thin and scaly but not as thin as a fish scale. He wasn’t sure what it belonged to. Nothing he had seen before anyway.

He stared intently, before placing it in the palm of his hand and muttering an identification spell. It was then he began to hear an incredibly haunting song play all around him. Looking frantically around him he found nothing. The song grew louder and it felt it was burying itself so deeply into his mind, he felt like he was losing all control of his senses. Quickly snapping out of it, he rapidly shoved some headphones into his ears and stopped the spell. “close call” he muttered to himself. Could they really be real??

On the other side of the beach by a nearby rock, you hid watching him. Being on the surface in daylight was dangerous, but you had to watch him with so much curiosity in your eyes. You had never come across someone like him before. He fascinated you and now you had witnessed for yourself he could use magic, your curiosity peaked to all new heights. He was different. You could sense it but the thought of your family finding out terrified you. It actually saddens you seeing so many human men die at the hands of them. All because one man denied your mother’s love many decades ago. She cursed the land folk as she called him, to forever fall under the spell of the siren song and die in the waves. It’s why she called you Velinia for it meant ‘of the sea and the wind'.

“Velinia!!” you heard your name be called in your native tongue and it was one of your pod ushering you to come back into the sea. You did as requested but you did so reluctantly. “I’m sorry Oceania” you apologise sheepishly before diving under water causing your fluke to splash the water. “Why were you up on the surface? Your mother would kill you like those men up above if she knew you didn’t wait until the night sky rose.” She practically lectured to you, but it was out of worry. Oceania was your best friend. “One of them has picked my curiosity. He was inspecting the ground where mother left the body. He used magic dear Oceania.” You explained to her before she quickly wrapped her hand over your mouth. “A human witch?! Velinia they’re dangerous!” Oceania exclaimed in worry.

“I don’t think he is. He’s different. He doesn’t even believe in us.” You quietly tell her. No more words were exchanged whilst you both swam into the dark cave that brought you deep into the ocean depths.

John managed to charm his way into the morgue and checked the body of the latest sea victim. He choked and gagged at the pungent sea salt smell that emanated off the body. There were deep scratches running from his shoulders down his chest. Claw marks down his legs also. His skin had already started to take on a shade of grey but it was the missing heart that interested John the most. “That’s a werewolf trait. Interesting. Seems like I’m going to have to find a mermaid expert to see if this is typical.” He continued to think out loud whilst he took photos on his phone of the injuries sustained.

He decided he should start at the fisherman’s pier to see if anyone knew of anyone that lived and breathed mermaid folklore. Walking over he must have asked several people but no one knew who could help him. Hell, some even laughed at him. “You’re the one from the bar last night lad! I can help you aye.” The old man from last night spoke up, wiping his hands down his jumper walking over to him. “You’ll want to speak to Helen. She owns the nautical shop in the main town centre. Word has it she knows everything about those water beasts.” He explained and John thanked him before heading to the shopping area.

It didn’t take too long to find the shop in question as it had a mermaid as it’s logo. Stepping inside he saw an older woman with greying hair behind the counter. “Excuse me love, you Helen?” John questioned. “That’d be true. What can I help you with?” Helen replied professionally. “I was told you were the one to come to if I wanted information on mermaids.” John said straight forwardly but with a charming twist. “Sorry I can’t help you.” Helen quickly stammered, her whole body language and features changing. She no longer oozed that friendly shop owner persona.

“See love, I think you can. I’m here about the rumours of a mermaid killing your townsfolk and that if innocent blokes are getting killed, that don’t sit well with me.” John explained, dropping the level of charm and switching it to a time of force. “I’m John Constantine Helen, and I’m an exorcist, demonologist and master of the dark arts. I hunt the supernatural if they hunt us.” He properly introduced himself. He studied Helen’s features to gauge what her next move would become and he deep down felt relieved when she relaxed.

“You can’t kill these beautiful creatures. They’re already so far and between hence why people think they’re a myth. But they’re smart. REAL smart. They’re not your stereotypical Ariel. They’re predators in the waters.” She began explaining as she offered John a seat out in her office where they could talk in private. “Ariel? What the fuck is that?” John questioned not having a clue what this woman was on about. “Should have guessed. She’s Disney’s take on a mermaid.” Helen told him. “Dont do Disney lass. I’m not a kid.” John quipped. This just earned him an eye roll from Helen.

“Thing is they’re as dangerous as they are beautiful. There’s many legends of the merfolk. One is that they started life as winged muses in Olympus. They were known as Sirens back then and lost to the God's muses where they were cast out and sent to earth’s seas. There they grew tails where their legs used to be. In spite of having their wings stripped and being cast out, they used their song to guide sailors towards their rocky refuge and seduced them before killing them. Some they kept and turned into mermen so they could breed.” Helen started explaining and John couldn’t help himself be interested.

“So they were wrathful bitches who took out their anger on all men because they couldn’t spite the Greek gods?” he clarified, making sure he got it right. “Correct. Other legends are based on the country. Lots are similar to ours. It’s said by some the mermaid Caesg was spotted on the beach one day in 1880. After a woman spotted her, a young lad threw a rock at her head and she scarpered back to the sea. The next day she was found dead from the head wound further up the beach. Tail and all. They buried her at the church. Others say Caesg entranced a man by the rock pier and fell in love with him. However he betrayed her by loving someone else so she cursed the men of this place to forever fall victim to the same fate.” Helen told solemnly.

“And which do you believe?” John asked. “I believe they’re both true. I believe the mermaid killed was Caesg's daughter. I believe it wasn’t the betrayal of unrequited love that made her curse the men of this town. I believe it was the death of her first born.” Helen truthfully told. “the wrath of a mother losing a child to murder will trump any of that love will create.” Helen actually made sense John thought. He was convinced that she’d be some crazed lunatic but hearing how serious she sounded, he actually believed her. “Another thing, can you tell me if these wounds match that of a mermaid attack?” He asked, handing her his phone with the photos. The sad sigh that escaped her lips and the way her hand clasped at her chest told him the answer would be yes.

“Yes. If they feel betrayed by man they’ll tear his heart out and scar him so deep they’ll forever be marked even in death.” Helen explained once more to him. Thank you love.” He replied, taking his phone, he stood up to leave. “One more thing Mr Constantine. The legends of their song hypnotising men? That’s true. Be careful of what melodies you hear. Good luck.” Helen said one last time before wishing John farewell.

John decided to walk along the seafront back to the motel. He had a lot to mull over and research for what spells would be right to fight a creature of the sea. He couldn’t believe he was beginning to believe despite trying to stay sceptical. What he wasn’t aware of was a certain pair of golden eyes from a afar watching him.

You had made it back to the surface now the moon was high. You wasn’t ready to fully leave the water until you knew it was fully safe. It was then you spotted John walking along the seafront back to the motel. You quickly darted behind a rock and peered your head round watching with fascination. Watching him place what seemed to be a stick in his mouth and use fire magic to light it, you wondered what it was and why he placed it in his mouth. It was ever so bizarre to you. Humans were a strange species indeed. You noticed that the coast was finally clear and John was in the motel. So you lifted yourself up and shape shifted into your human figure. As you did so, you lifted your hands up your sides and created a simple floaty strap dress out the sea foam crashing on the shore.

“John...” you repeated a few times to yourself in his language as you walked up off the beach and towards the motel he was staying at. You had no idea what you were going to do when you saw him. You just knew you had to. “Velinia! Don’t!” you heard from behind you in your native language and you looked behind to see Oceania looking clearly worried. “I’ll be fine sister!” you called back before turning your back to the sea and headed to the motel. Walking in the main door you saw someone at the desk. You stepped up towards them and simply spoke one word “John”. Looking up the receptionist almost dropped his jaw at your beauty. “Sorry lass, this isn’t a place for that sort of service.” He told you, but you had no idea what he meant. “John” you repeated, a smidge louder this time but not to the point of shouting. “and I told ye are lass, we don’t allow sex services here. So if ye looking for a John check the bar” the receptionist said once more. You didn’t understand much but you understood the words sex and bar. “N...no ... John....here” you stammer, trying so hard to speak coherent English.

“You after me love?” you heard a familiar accent call out. Turning to your right he saw him. John from last night. When he looked up he recognised your distinctive look instantly. “Bloody hell! It’s you.” He gasped, quickly walking towards you and put his arms round you. “Sorry mate. It’s not what you think. I know this lass. Thanks for finding her. Been worried sick all day looking for her.” John convincingly lied guiding you to his room. Stepping inside, you looked around wide eyed. It was so different to the bar where you studied how humans spoke.

“Yeah... It’s not much but it’s a bed for a couple of nights.” John told you, ruffling his hands through his scruffy blonde hair. Spinning round on your dainty feet, you smiled. God that smile could melt hearts. He thought to himself. “Why were you looking for me? I’m not that memorable.” He asked you, genuinely curious. You glided towards him with such an innocence to you, but he found it greatly alluring. You placed your hands on his chest, lightly guiding them over as you inspected his body. “woah” he gasped actually taken aback. He was used to him being the forward one. “John...teach... Velinia” you slowly said, gazing into his eyes.

“Teach you what? Who are you?” John was baffled. “John...” you stated, patting his chest. “Velinia” you stated once more, patting your chest. “Your name is Velinia?” he queried. With a nod you smiled. “My name...Velinia”. You repeat, whilst learning. “I take it you’re not from bonny ol’ Scotland judging by your accent.” John spoke, walking over to the mini bar and taking one of the mini bottles of alcohol. “Mmhmm...” you respond with shaking your head. You didn’t know the word so you figured this was the best response to do.

“So where are you from?” John asked, sitting on the end of the bed, patting beside him to guide you to sit beside him. You tilted your head in confusion glancing from the bed to him. With a smirk appearing at the corners of his lips, he told you to come sit beside him. You did as suggested and a little gasp escaped your lips at how the bed bounced slightly under your weight. “I’ve never known someone surprised by a bed before.” John chuckled. This made you look instantly embarrassed as you let your hair fall in front of your face. The next move took you off guard even more as John reached his hand up and gently pulled your hair off your face and behind your ear. God you’re beautiful beyond words he thought to himself. You glanced up at him watching him intently. He found himself not being able to break your gaze. Your eyes...they were something else. “Velinia... I...” he breathed as he leaned in closely to you, and you responded by mimicking his actions. If there was one thing you did know it was the lead up to a kiss.

Closing the gap between you both, you pressed your lips against John’s, where he instantly took the lead kidding you with power and lust. Yet it was also slow. Normally he wouldn’t waste time. He’d be hungry and impatient to speed the situation up but something was powering his mind and body to not do exactly that. You were different, you made him act differently and he liked it. Your lips tasted salty like the sea and yet it didn’t deter him away. The kiss seemed to last forever when it actual fact it was only a couple of minutes before you both broke away from each other.

Smiling, you looked intently into his eyes as John swept your hair out of your face and behind your ear. He wanted to speak, to say something but he couldn’t find the words which was unlike him. “...I stay...here to...night?” you ask in broken English which truth be told, John was beginning to find quite adorable. It was a quirk that he found made you all that more endearing. “You want to stay here with me tonight?” He asked, clarifying your question, gaining a little smirk on his lips. You nod “yes” you confirm smiling back. “Sure. You can have the bed and I’ll use the chair love.” John graciously offered. This offer made you look across the room to the chair in the right hand corner, you grimaced at the sight of it. “What? I’ve slept in worse places! Can’t think of any right now...” John rambled, deep down knowing he really could think of worse places on the spot but he didn’t want to terrify you.

“Both....bed” you suggested, hoping it was the right term to use. “Share the bed? It’ll be a tight fit love, it’s a single bed.” John questioned. Not that he minded the idea of snuggling tightly to you for the night. Once again, you nodded and a defiant little 'mm' sound escaped your lips. Seeing you go from almost timid to defiant made John plaster a cocky grin on his face. “okay then. I guess we’re sharing the bed!” he confirmed. It wasn’t long before you got distracted by other various objects in the room. Things you never encountered in the bar....like the TV. Where you sat you never noticed the bar actually had one, and here you were up close to one. John, still on the bed with the remote in hand turned it on and you got do startled, you jumped back.

This made John burst into laughter. “I’m sorry lass...I couldn’t help myself! Here, I’ll show you how I did it.” John spoke through giggles, sighing and wiping laughter tear from his eye. You walked back to the bed and curled up beside him, in an attempt to not fall off the edge. He handed you the remote control. “This thing here controls the TV over there. Press that button there” he explained, pointing the channel up button. Pressing it, you saw the TV change from an old black and white image to a full colour one with completely different humans inside. You did it again and sea creatures came on which made you jump up and pounce towards the TV again. You held your hand against the screen as jellyfish swam in the ocean inside.

You stayed there for a while because you fell asleep on the floor, causing John to smile, get off the bed, walk over and pick you up to carry you to the bed. Soon after that, you both were fast asleep.

A siren began to sing on the beach....

The two of you awoke rapidly. “What is that sound?” John queried, trying to figure out where it’s coming from. “Oh no...” you muttered, recognising the call of your mother. She was on the prowl once more.

You scurried off the bed and practically ran out the motel room, with John scrambling to try and follow you. “Velinia wait up!” he shouted, as he caught you dash across the road, barely missing the one truck that was still on the road. “Bollocks!!” he cursed, fumbling getting his left arm in his trenchcoat sleeve before making it across the road and following you down to the pier. Panting, he looked around everywhere but you were gone. “Oh pissing hell!! Velinia where you go love?!” he shouted, he could have sworn you went this way. He never loses people, so how on earth did you escape him so damn quickly.

Then that sound... No, that music started again. He desperately shaking his head, trying to fight off the magic he could feel trying to control his mind, but nothing he did could fight it. He couldn’t even keep his mind straight to come up with a contradicting spell to help himself out. He followed the sound down to the rocks below the pier where low and behold there was a mermaid sitting on a bolder.

“Are you my jolly sailor Bold?” she asked John and he couldn’t find the answer to respond. He just stepped closer, reaching out. “No, you’re not my sailor Bold.... You belong to Velinia...” she spoke, but there was malice in her words. John was tainted as far as she was concerned, so she grabbed his arm in one fast swift action and dragged him to the sea below. The rapid action snapped John out of the hypnotic state he had fallen into. He went to speak but realised he was under water. Thrashing against the grip that was had on him, he looked behind and knew he wasnt imagining things. Mermaids really were real. “You dare connect with this one Velinia? You defy all our rules?!”

John couldn’t understand anything, but he was smart enough to know this was an language being spoken. He never once stopped thrashing whilst he still had breath in him. No way was he going down without a fight. The mermaid grew more and more intolerant to John’s thrashing. Seeing a rock on the sea bed, she dived deeper, stretching out her hand, grabbed the rock and lifting her hand high above his head. “NO!” Velinia screamed, swimming out of the seaweed where you was hiding. Stretching out her arms, you knew you had to save him. John was special. You senses the magic inside him from your first encounter but you also sensed so much more.

“You’d pick this human over your own kind?!” your mother practically spat. “Yes! He’s different! Leave him be!” you cried back, fully aware John was staring right at you in disbelief you weren’t human. “Fine! Then try to save his soul before it’s too late! You my dear are vanquished from this pod!! I curse you to be human and to never return to us!” your mother hissed at you, knowing this was the worst punishment your kind could ever receive. At that point, your mother slammed the rock over John’s head, knocking him out and leaving him to sink further down. With a strong kick of your fin, you dived towards him and grabbed him before swimming back up towards the surface. As each kick got you closer, you felt your mother’s curse take it’s control and soon enough you were breaking the surface with not a fun, but two human legs.

Pulling John to safety you stayed beside him. “Please...be alive.” You begged, tears stinging your eyes as they bubbled to the surface and rolled down your cheeks. With a hefty groan, John came round, wincing as he felt the back of his head. “Damn that hurts.” He complained before you pounced on him, wrapping your arms round him and sobbed. “I thought she killed you” you cried. Taken aback, John let his kind catch up to what happened before hugging you back. “It’ll take more than a rock to kill me love.” John reassured you. “hang on.... you’re a mermaid??” he pulled you back to take your appearance fully in. Though, he saw no tail, no fluke...just legs. You nodded solemnly, I was... Mother...she cursed me. Cannot go back... Human...” you explained, patting your chest to try and help your explanation of your new found situation. “I know she’s your mother but what a bitch! You were gorgeous Velinia. You still are mind.” John responded, feeling sad and angry for you.

“You’re not alone though Velinia.” John told you, lifting your head up by your chin with his index finger. You slowly glance up at him and wonder how he could say such a thing. You haven’t learned nearly enough of his world to live alone. He could see the tears brimming to the edge of your eyes and he just grabbed you pulling you into his chest. He knew if you were to be go back to the warehouse with him, you’d be in danger by the demons that are after him. You were special. Unique. That would make you valuable in Hell's eyes.

With a hefty sigh, and much inner arguing in his mind he kissed the top of your head. “I’ll call my mate Chas. He can pick us up and you can come back with me. I’ll help you get on your feet and learn more about this world. But lass, it’s not going to be safe being around me for long.” John forewarned you. You nodded and your lips stammered as you searched for your words. “Thank you... John Constantine” he smiled, running his hand through your hair.

“Just call me John love.”

[peacestarrlove]

im just not in love with him anymore...

I love my boyfriend but I haven’t been in love with him in so long. I keep telling myself it’s just a phase or bump in the road, and I’ll be in love again soon.

But it’s been almost 2 years..and I’m not so sure anymore.

2 years ago he told me the truth about a lot of things he was lying about. It was the 5th year of our relationship and I felt like since I loved him so much we could work through it. I could forgive him and trust him again.

And I did. I forgave him and I trust him and I love him. But I’m not in love with him.

It feels almost impossible to break up though. We’ve been together almost 7 years and I want him in my life. I know i would miss him.

There are just some things that don’t sit right with me, and I truly don’t know how I could be with him the rest of my life. Maybe I’m being petty. I don’t know. That’s the hard part when you don’t have any family or friends to talk to and you isolate yourself. right and wrong get confusing.

I hate listing these things about him but I really need to get them off my chest:

•he’s not in the moment, usually in his head. he constantly asks me to repeat myself cuz he wasnt listening. Even when he just asked me a question?...and before this problem he would barley listen to me and I would be endlessly upset and feeling lonely. Now atleast he tries to listen but asks me to repeat myself so much constantly it’s..just a lot everyday. He will even wake me up and kiss me good morning I love you and I’ll say good morning I love you too and he’s like “what? Huh?” From the moment I wake up and it just kinda ruins my day. Reminded of what I’m about to go through all day before I even open my eyes. It’s like he’s in autopilot?

•he doesn’t remember..pretty much anything properly, if at all. We’ve been together since we were 16 and when we recall memories together he can rarely remember anything. Anytime I bring anything up, he asks multiple times “are you sure? You’re sure that happened?” And it drives me crazy. Not only does he make me feel like he doesn’t believe me, he really doesn’t remember. And it makes me feel so alone..

I know the memory one probably sounds crazy but he really doesn’t remember things. Like even tonight, we had dinner with my dad and my dad had told us a joke. My boyfriend told me the joke a few hours later and was in disbelief when I finished the joke? He was like “i seriously don’t remember you being there when he told it”.

This event is pretty much what triggered this vent no one is ever gonna read but I need to fucking write it. I’m going insane tbh. And I know this sounds small but this memory thing happens daily with a lot of memories, small and big. it’s just heartbreaking. He’s the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with but what’s the point if he never remembers anything?

•lack of understanding and sympathy for others. I have to give so many examples and explain so much for him to finally understand why certain things are hard for people/animals. I feel like he should have this basic understanding and I’m tired.

•he checks out minors, and I’m talking young minors (like 12-14) and obviously any age under 18 is terrible but that young wtf?! it scares me and when i confront him he just gets really angry and says he can’t help it?? literal children holding their moms hand sometimes..and i didn’t know about this til last year when he told me and it disgusts me to my core. i guess im a naive oblivious idiot??

•he doesn’t care how bad my anxiety is in public, now matter how much I tell him.

He knows I have a hard time going to public places. And we will be walking up to one and he starts saying out loud “oh I see their fire monitoring system..i know how to shut that down, turn the water off..light the building on fire HAHAHAH” like??? Not funny at all. People always stare. It makes me feel so awkward. He says he likes the attention. I tell him it makes my anxiety go crazy and please stop making these “jokes”. He never did. He even made one tonight when we pulled up to our hotel and parked by the backflow.

•he’s into MILF porn and tells me it’s cuz he “used to” fantasize about being with his mom... obviously he still fantasizes about his mom. he asks me to watch porn with him (even though it makes me extremely uncomfortable) and then he puts on MILF and I’m just like great you’re fucking me while thinking about your mom. Then I’m laying there trying not to vomit. So he either likes children or moms. Tf.

•he shows major irresponsibility with our cats and it makes me feel like what would happen if we had children. I really don’t wanna have kids with him because he’s so irresponsible and idk how I can be with someone forever that I can’t raise a kid with. Plus even more scary, is he gonna be perverted if we have a daughter?

•I’ve accomplished many things since we’ve started dating(so has he) but the last two years I’ve been in a very dark depression and I feel like he’s barely noticed/cared. I haven’t accomplished or done much of anything for almost 2 years. Which led to me being vocal about my depression and anxiety which isn’t something I normally ever would have done(I’ve struggled with it by myself my whole life). But I just can’t get out of this slump. I don’t blame him for me feeling this way at all, I just wish he showed compassion or atleast notices how different I am now. Especially on days that are really tough and I don’t even get out of bed...

The sad part is I wrote so many more bullet points but I kept deleting them. I could go on and on and on but I feel sick with every one that I write. Maybe because I know this could mean breaking up with him and idk if it’s the right thing or if I can do it. I just know I’m so unhappy. And it’s hard to gain perspective. Especially since he’s not all bad, obviously. He’s my best friend and I love him. I spend every day with him. I just can’t ignore these things. My family laughs at how much I can ignore the crazy shit he does but it’s really not funny. I’m blocking it out because I can’t stand the pain anymore.

[allagan-weeb]

EXEC_LINKER/.

“Finally. It’s cool tonight.”

Mor Dhona was an interesting place, thanks to being a battle scar of the earth in itself. It made the area breathe unlike any other, with its’ chaotic imbalance of aether and the many things still churning, be it currently alive at the surface or ancient and buried. Many described it as having a magical aesthetic, but it was also a treasure trove of lost knowledge. This was exactly the sort of stuff that attracted this archaeologist-wanna-be of a rat.

Indeed, but even on warmer nights as this the star-filled skies still never cease to impress. Even while Nero was lazily sprawled out with his back against the ground. He had built a makeshift base within a cave just feet away, but toiling and researching in such an environment proved to be rather muggy and uncomfortable. The cool ground did wonders for relief.

A familiar beacon could be seen in the distance. The Crystal Tower, glowing softly with the surrounding atmosphere of lights reflecting off of it. The sight of it caused memories and emotions to bubble back to the surface.

With a deep sigh, he slipped a small contraption into his ear. Not a Linkpearl, but rather something of his own craft. A misshapen recording chant played, but it wasn’t any ordinary chant. Even through the static and crackling, one could tell it was something alien of this world. Something that he had picked up long, long ago. It was the very thing that gave appetite to his lust for knowledge and power, for he wished to know, understand, and reach whatever this sourced from.

       .as yant ga... c.s ...mnos .ea ... ♪

                   En ...ee fwal, ..al .ea ... ♪

He could still remember the first time his equipment picked up the chant. Back then, he was still tasked of spying on the Warrior of Light--still a part of an Empire he wished to be recognized in. It was that day where his motivation towards knowledge and power began to shift heavily. 

       W.s ...t g..is chs hy....s ..a ...♪                     E. ch..e f..l, ..al me...♪

What was this exactly? He had no idea. He could only remember entirely dropping whatever work he was doing on the Ultima weapon to dive towards the contraption that was barely picking up this static-y excuse of a message. It was in a language he had never heard and, through the crackling, the voice sounded.... odd... as if the source had multiple vocals somehow. He knew it dripped of power. A power that would shame anything else that had been found or invented.

 “What?... Wait, what was that-”

At that moment everything else around him no longer existed. There was only this superb mystery and there was very, very little to go off of it. It would be this very recording, although incomplete, that reignited his passions that has thus driven him this far. The instrument he used to spy on his enemies would be altered to not only track his foe, but also to attempt to pick up anymore of this message.

Nero continued to follow and watch the Warrior of Light, being that he felt that this blip on his radar was only found due to this rival. If he continued to follow and study the Warrior, he assumed more information about the source of this chance would eventually surface. It had to.

Of course there would be no doubt that he would be right. He is Nero tol Scaeva after all.

“He who will out do Garlond and even the Allagans themselves,” as he often said.

Finally, the contraption upon his wrist that he often doted over sang out, but much more clearly than before:

      Was yant gagis chs hymmnos mea...♪                        En chsee fwal, fwal mea...♪  

Fou paks ra, diasee, sarrifis hyzik tes dius yor... ♪

This was soon after the disaster that was Praetorium. Soon after he was exiled from his homeland and forced to wander the land of the savages. At this point his desires were defeated and everything lost. The only thing left was a fleeting flutter of revenge and the contraption that he still clung to. The song. That song--what was it?

Quietly, he schemed. He still followed closely at the wake of the Warrior of Light’s footsteps. He needed to know what was the source of this, even if it killed him. After all, he had nothing else to lose.

Certainly, it must be something connected to the Crystal Tower, There was too much potential at this wonderland of knowledge for it to be anything else. The events that transpired there was only further proof of his assumptions.

“So...this is the legacy the Allagan Empire left behind. If my readings are correct, the energy source waiting atop the tower is a match for even the Ultima Weapon. Nay...more than a match. Heh heh heh... A new toy for me to play with.”

At least that’s how he convinced himself to feel about it. In all honesty the source was playing with him due to the extreme obsession that had grown from it. If only he had any idea exactly how much of a toy he would end up being to the source of this voice. That voice which was now repeating a single phrase, over and over,

Rrha ki ra tek wim tes yor....     Rrha ki ra tek wim tes yor....            Rrha ki ra tek wim tes yor....                       Rrha ki ra tek wim tes yor.... ...

After all was said and done, and after his newfound debt he had towards his childhood rival, there was yet a single quote that lingered at the back of his head. A quote from that woman he so selfishly defended and saved,

“What you seek by this instrument may not be possible, Nero. But do not give up. There are many other paths that await you.”

...Of course they do.

Nero remembered all too well how he stood alone afterwards, looking down upon the instrument in his hand, and jaw clenched in both disappointment and enlightenment.

The thing was now silent.

Too silent... and somehow he knew he would never hear that beautiful voice from it ever again. Therefor, he tossed the now useless thing into the abyss before him.

At the same time, he also had a feeling it wouldn’t be the last time he would hear it. In the mean time, he would study the recordings. He had to try and decipher it. That passion of his to climb to the top would never falter.

He would continue on. Renewed, he would continue to grow and evolve at any means necessary.

He will find the source of this voice.

Suddenly his body jerked and startled itself awake.

“Ngh... How long has it been? Curses-” he grunted as he pressed against a knee to hoist himself into a sleepy standing position. Reaching up, he finally switched off the contraption that had been repeating the chant.

This was a sort of ritual of his. At least once a day he had to listen to it--analyzing what he heard over and over to the point of insanity and back. Again and again. He was hoping for some breakthrough in deciphering it.

...At least that use to be the reason for listening to it.

“Ah, I better retire properly. Not unless I want a little god-creature waking and being insufferably upset due to waking up by themselves. I know I’m certainly in no state to be able to withstand the sour pout they would likely guilt me with.”

After brushing himself off, Nero quietly retreated back into the cave where bedding was dressed into the deeper, cooler section of it. There, something that looked similar to a child lay asleep. Captured between their arms was a makeshift plush, which Nero had no doubt sewn himself. Male? Female? Who knew. Not even Nero knew after extensive study of this synthetic yet living humanoid. It seemed as though this animated ball-jointed-like doll was created without such trivial characteristics in mind.

This made no difference to the engineer. To him, this creature was perfect and beautiful just the way they were.

The source of the voice? This was certainly it. Now, how did it come to be that he came across this creature? Why, that will be saved for another fit of accidental dreaming.

As far as the Garlean was concerned, he was just happy he ended up with the antiqued thing from another world. That much was prominent with how he leaned over to gently place a hand over the other’s forehead. All the while a very fatherly-like smile managed to wriggle its’ way to the surface.

This sort of life and these sorts of emotions was exceedingly far from how he first predicted his happiness would be upon finding the source of that voice.

Not even he knew that his obsession for power would somehow twist into the love of that of a parent.

Not only a parent to what he was convinced in being the greatest thing ever created within the very fabrics of space and time--but a parent to his first and only family. 

                          This was his child.

   Rrha ki ra tek wim tes yor,...♪               en weel waath dius manaf, yat!♪

[extraplanetarystory]

Part 11

“You disappeared on us.”

Hours and hours had gone by into the flight with nothing but silent people and the odd hum of the ship.

It was a space plane, set with three columns of seat rows. I had a window seat, eyes glued to all that passed outside. Passed. I don't think passed is the right word, because nothing passed since we went by Zi'inra's surprisingly blue moon. The fathomless depth of the stars drew me in and didn't let go. It created a buzzing, bottomless pit of emotion in my stomach that I didn't quite know how to interpret. I just slapped the labels fear and excitement on it and called it good.

When we took off, Pilot seemed like he wanted to give a speech, something to pep us up. But all he could muster was, “Well, this will certainly be the most memorable class since the first.”

And then it was just silent. Riche'e sat next to me, and after we exchanged a quiet smile, neither of us said anything. Until, that statement.

“You disappeared on us,” he said again less than a second later.

I took a deep breath and nodded for a long time. “Yeah, I did that, huh.”  

“I mean, you just—” He raised his eyebrows, then he rubbed his hands together and shot one out in front of us. “You were on top of people, and then you just vanished.”

“Yeah… Sorry. I think I stopped thinking.” I cleared my throat. “But you look like you got out of it alright. Not a scratch.” From what skin I could see, he looked just as good as I did. “Or little enough the medicine in the camp helped.”

His face twisted into a funny, furrow-browed, sidelong smile. Look, okay, I know there was a more accurate way to say that sentence, and I probably knew the words, but give me a break.

“No, I was very lucky.” He poked at his upper arm; he brushed the fabric of his jacket smooth. “My arm is all kinds of terrible colors from falling on it, but that’s the worst I got. Kama was luckier. The only thing that stopped her from being killed was her abilities.” Hah, telekinesis sure would be a useful skill to have when things are flying at you from all sides.

I looked around, looking through the seats to see if she was anywhere nearby. “Those guys in the argument made it seem like the Cerras do not like the galaxy or something. Is that true?”

He shook his head, but I could see him tense up as he very obviously tried to keep a neutral tone. “They’re… They’re independent and proud. They have their own space program that they’re loyal to—” CASA, then? “—so they rarely bother with Zega. But I have no idea why they would do this.”

“Zega,” I lowered my voice. “Pilot and my father were fighting and they said—”

“Mansheon!!” A random shout from rows ahead of us triggered a sudden cacophony around the cabin.

Seemingly everyone went for a window on our side— I don't know what port and starboard is.  Everyone crowded the right side of the ship. Riche'e and I were pressed against the wall as more heads and bodies appeared beside us, eyes peeled on the space outside.

The planet was bright, but smaller than a pea when I managed to pick it out of the sky. I don’t know how that other person was able to see it before then. But it didn’t stay small for long. In less than a minute, it grew larger and larger until it was taking up the entire window, giving us a good view as the ship slowed down.

And it was gorgeous. It was mostly green, and seemed to be mostly land instead of water. The green came in countless shades, from deep emerald to almost yellow-brown. The farther away from water, the lighter the green was. From our view, I could see three massive seas, with countless smaller ones spread between them. But the most interesting feature I could see was an insane spot of pinkish brown. In a place where it looked like there were no lakes or seas or water of any kind, there was a desert so large I wondered how it compared to the Sahara.

“That was fast,” I mumbled.

Just an inch away—too, too close—Riche’e chuckled. “You never flew with your parents?”

“Yeah, but—that’s a different situation.” Yes, Atlyana had me accompany her on one of her jobs before. I went to another planet, I don’t remember which one, but I was so stuck in my try-to-be-the-worst phase that I didn’t pay attention to anything. God, I wish I had now. “I thought it would take a couple days, not jols.”

“Space travel would suck if it took days and days to get to Mansheon,” someone said above us.

I couldn’t help but laugh. Doesn’t it take days to get to the moon on Earth? I can’t believe I get to experience this!

“Yes, there she is,” Pilot called our attention to the front of the cabin. He was watching us all with a smile. “This is your new home for the next loliel and beyond.”

People started cheering.

“Preparing for descent,” a voice said over the intercom.

“Arlyxe, listen up. Take your seats.” Pilot made his voice firm in an informative tone. The Zega recruits complied. “I’m willing to bet most of you have never been to Mansheon before. Mansheon is the largest colonized planet in our galaxy. That means you will experience gravity like you never have before. For lack of better words, it will be heavy.”

At a chime, he sat down as well strapping himself into a chair. The rest of us strapped as well.

“If you’ve been here before, you’ll know what to expect,” he continued. “But you’ve just spent time on one of the smallest planets in the galaxy.” Oh, god. I spent years on the one of the smallest planets in the galaxy.

He stopped talking as we made our descent. The ship gently shook as we went. Outside, space gave way to atmosphere and...flames? Or sparks? It was a mesmerizing light show, either way. Streaks of white and yellow and orange as we went. And then it passed in seeming seconds. The view became the most stunning blue. Then clouds. Then a cloudy sky and cities as far as I could glimpse out of the corner of my eye.

I braced for the heavy gravity, but it never seemed to come.

Five minutes later, we were parked in a shipyard, or a spaceport. There was silence again as we waited. The odd hum of the ship from before became a definite thrumming in the air. I could feel it pulsing from head to toe, and back up again. It wasn’t long until my head started hurting.

Pilot stood and faced us again.

“Where’s the gravity?” I just barely heard someone him ask.

“Oh, just you wait,” he answered. “Most of you feel the ship’s artificial gravity working right now. That’s because it’s old and the generators don’t work properly, but it’s also why I love using this vessel for new recruits. While the generators are on, you feel the equivalent of Copan gravity. That’s Zi’inra and a half.” I wondered if that compared to Earth. Or was Zi’inra like Earth? Why couldn’t I know this in Earth terms?!

“The generators will shut off gradually. Brace yourself.”

And they did. The thrumming and humming slowly stopped and I felt like an invisible hippo was sitting down on me with its full weight.

Groans sounded off from across the cabin. I looked at Riche’e, and his eyes were closed and his jaw was clenched. He was sagging.

“Is this your first time to Mansheon?” I forced out. I tried to relax, but tensed up as much a him, resting my head back against the seat. That didn’t even begin to help relieve the pressure I was feeling. My eyes even felt different.

“No,” he breathed. “But I was a kid last time.”

“Does that make it worse or better now?”

“No raqyn clue.”

Pilot was barely standing in an aisle, bent over to the side and holding on to one of the chairs.

“This—this is your first challenge as a Zega recruit:” He was trying to sound like the gravity was hardly getting to him. He started walking down the aisle, using chair after chair to help him. “Carry yourself, plus yourself, to the building just a field-length away.”

We have to do it by ourselves? I suppose I should get used to this kind of thing.

“Do not let the word challenge fool you,” he said, further down the aisle. “If you need help, speak out immediately. You will injure yourself again doing this, especially if you need assistance. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone yet.” Him saying that reminded me that most of these people were already injured from the attack on Zennae. Why would they force injured people to do this?

Please, someone, just come and carry me. I did not want to force myself to stand in this gravity. I listened to the chorus of groans grow louder as recruits began to pull themselves up and slowly follow Pilot toward the back of the ship. It was like watching vocal zombies shuffle along single file.

Riche’e and I reached for the chair backs in front of us at the same time. I waited for him to pull himself up. I’m smaller than him. I may not be as fit as he looks to be, but being smaller has to count for something, right? It didn’t feel like it. Once he was up, he looked to me, obviously waiting for me to move.

I don’t want to! Adding my voice to the chorus, I pulled with my arms and pushed with my legs, an effort I never had to make so consciously in my life before that moment. It took three attempts and Riche’e somehow mustering the strength to help me before I was standing. I think I said thank you out loud, but I really don’t know.

It was even a conscious effort to keep my eyes open once we joined the shuffling. And doing that made the slight headache I felt from the artificial gravity become a full-on head splitter.

It turned out the field-length Pilot mentioned was no more than one or two hundred feet to the building. But that was one or two hundred feet too many. Several people stood outside the ship, looking ready to help anyone who asked or just even looked like they were about to to fall over. Benches were scattered about all in our path. It seemed like whoever built the spaceport knew exactly that they should take initial steps into account.

“The first-day barracks are gravitationally isolated,” one of the people said. I didn’t have the wherewithal to appreciate how cool that sentence actually was. “Over the next ten days, you’ll be gradually acclimated to Mansheon and you’ll be ready to take on the universe!” Hah, thanks dude. “For now, all you need to do is get from here to there.”

I wanted to sit down on one of the benches so bad. And even though Pilot made it clear I should give in to that impulse, I did not. I knew that I would not get back up again. I could (and should) ask one of the helpers to drag me along, but—according to Pilot back in the survivors camp—I was the only actually healthy person here. I could make it, I could make it.

I wanted to ask Riche’e how his arm was doing, but I felt that if I tried to talk, I would lose concentration on standing and moving and breathing and one of those things would stop.

I don’t know how long it actually took to get to the building but it felt like an eternity.

And oh, the blessed relief that could be felt as soon as I made it through those open doors. The hippo was lifted from my shoulders, I could breathe and I could move. It was so freeing I almost felt woozy all of a sudden. There were couches and chairs set in groups all around the warmly decorated room we all walked into. The groans turned into thankful sighs and most of us found a seat there. I knew I’d be able to get up from that couch… in an hour or two.

There was a woman leaning on a tall desk, watching us spill in and about with the most powerful look of amusement written all over her face. She locked eyes with me and beamed with an ear-to-ear and toothy smile.

“Welcome to Mansheon!”