#i suck but who cares? nobody is seeing me so i'm free to be as awful as i am with no shame

[thekimspoblog]

Demon trying to feed on my insecurities: "You're a bad driver"

Me: "Of course I am. I hate driving. Going 80 mph surrounded by tons of metal is nerve-wrecking. I try to do it as little as possible. Of course I'm bad at it"

Demon: "You're a bad writer"

Me: "Well that part's simply not true. I never claimed I was the greatest author of my generation, but when I put pen to paper I know what I want to communicate and I usually do it well. If someone isn't impressed with my work, that's unfortunate but they're entitled to their opinion"

Demon: "You're a bad leader"

Me: "Well I don't know about that! I mean there was that one time when... Ok look just because people don't see me as an authority figure doesn't mean... 😠 You know you can be a real asshole, demon!"

[smutoperator]

Art of Escape

Kim Minjeong (Winter), Fukutomi Tsuki x Male Reader

Tags: ahegao, boat sex, creampie, cum licking, doggystyle, dream girlfriend, facial, kissing-and-fucking, (a little) lesbian, mating press, passionate sex, (lots of) oral sex, prone bone, public sex, pussy eating, riding, threesome, voyeurism

Word count: 5155.

Hyundai Yacht Seoul Club, May 9th, 2024

It was just a regular morning for a rich dude like you, anchoring your boat at the Hyundai Yacht Club, completely unaware it was about to host an event for a major brand. As you got there, a blonde girl caught your attention.

Once the event was finished, you approached her. "What's your name?" you asked. "I'm Winter," she said. "Are you sure? Because you're hotter than summer," you told her. "You're not the first to tell me this," she said.

Your first attempt seemed to have backfired, but Winter quickly opened herself up. She was very cute and witty, and you two were quickly talking a lot. After a while, you made an invitation to her.

"Want to ride on my boat?" you asked Winter. "Oh, I would love it," she told you. You detached the boat from the pier and set sail on the river, quickly leaving your boat on autopilot to spend time with Winter on the yacht's main deck. You two had just known each other but were already hugging and kissing like longtime lovers.

"It's so beautiful in here," Winter said about the view. "But is it more beautiful than you?" you asked her, making Winter blush. Her pale skin turning red made her look even prettier. Little did you know, she was about to get much bolder.

"Can I take your pants off?" She asked you, who at first hesitated. "Nobody will see it," she said. Indeed, after the yacht had set sail, you two were just a pair of dots that could barely be seen from the river's banks.

"Let me suck that cock," Winter said to you. Who didn't know such a cute girl could be this naughty? Getting a public blowjob wasn't a fantasy you had on the top of your list, but surely it was quickly rising up your rankings as Winter slowly wrapped her lips around your shaft, kissing and licking it while slowly bobbing her head down it. Her very calm pace of sucking your dick made every licking she gave it even better, as she took her time to run her mouth all over your length.

"I love your taste," Winter said as she kissed your tip. You just gave her free reign, amazed at her great cocksucking skills. Her cute smile contrasted with her sexy tongue, which was making killer moves on your pecker. "Oh, my love, you're so good at that," you told her. "Because I want to have it all," Winter replied.

Winter continued to suck your cock in the middle of the river, not caring about the surroundings. As a matter of fact, if a boat spotted both of you, even better. The cute girl turned into a naughty slut when no one was looking. Her mouth was full of cock, just the way she liked it. But little did she know she had company alongside her on the yacht itself.

"You seem to be enjoying it, Minjeong unnie," Tsuki said out of nowhere. She had followed Winter and you to the boat and was watching her sucking your cock for a couple minutes. "Who is she? Also, Minjeong? Didn't you tell me your name was Winter?" you asked. At the event in the yacht club, you were so focused on Winter that you forgot there was another girl beside her at the event. 

"Her name is Tsuki; she was at the Polo event with me. And yeah, my real name is Minjeong; Winter is just the stage name." Winter explained. "So, are you a model? Actress?" you tried to guess. "Well, not quite; we are singers," she continued. "I wish I had seen her there, because she's very cute as well," you told Winter. "So, Tsuki, do you want to join us?" you asked back.

"You didn't even have to ask," Tsuki replied. "Come here and try it," Winter said to her. "Wow!" Tsuki was impressed by the size of your cock. "She's good, isn't she?" Winter asked you. "Very good," you replied.

But more than Tsuki's abilities to suck cock, what impressed you the most were her facial expressions while doing so. They were a treat on their own. The way she rolled her eyes and moved her facial muscles with your cock in her throat was something else. You weren't aware it was what made her famous in the first place, so it was fairly new to you to see a girl sucking cock while making such crazy expressions.

Tsuki, let Winter have your cock again. Even without it in her mouth, she kept doing her crazy moves, especially while licking your shaft to the side. Her and Winter shared a kiss with your tip right in the middle of it, making you go crazy. "That's such a dream," you told them.

After a couple more minutes of cock-sucking, Winter and Tsuki stripped themselves naked and started kissing each other. You watched them before you took your clothes off yourself. "You like that?" Winter asked as Tsuki gave her a big smile. The two kept the kissing going, with Winter now moving her mouth all over Tsuki's neck, which made the Japanese girl pull off another hot facial expression. 

"She's so tall and pretty." Winter praised Tsuki's visuals as she now kissed her bare tits. "So beautiful," she said, massaging Tsuki's boobs further, a move she was very well-versed at after doing it so often to Karina in Aespa's dorm rooms.

"I'm getting so horny massaging her tits," Winter tells you. "Me too," Tsuki says right after. "Me too," you say, but it takes too long, as the girls are back into kissing each other under your watch.

You soon join the fun, surprising Tsuki from behind as you run your hands into her body. "Ready to share her?" Winter asks you before commanding Tsuki to lay down on her back.

Tsuki spreads her legs and lies down, showing off the fat outer lips on her pussy. "Such a pretty pussy," Winter tells you as she bends over. "I wanna taste it," she says, diving down the Japanese girl's folds. Tsuki rolls her eyes and keeps doing her facial expression show. "Let's try it together," Winter kisses you as you take your first dibs into Tsuki's clit.

Winter moves into kissing Tsuki's thighs, letting you take care of her pussy by yourself. Tsuki starts to moan as she now looks like an anime character with their eyes closed. But things get even hotter as a trio of lips now share a kiss: yours, Winter's, and Tsuki's pussy.

You and Winter move your tongues together along Tsuki's folds, paying special attention to her clit. Tsuki just moans as both of you move your tongues up and down her folds, blowing the air from your noses into her insides. Never in your wildest dreams did you think you would be kissing such a beautiful girl while licking another's cunt at the same time. This feels like heaven on Earth.

Winter and you trade blows eating Tsuki's pussy. It turns out Winter's oral skills aren't just applicable to cocks; she really knows how to eat a pussy well, feasting all over Tsuki's meaty folds, making them throb and pulse each time she licks them. Winter does it so well that you make sure to kiss her as soon as she is done, trying to taste as much as you can of Tsuki's pussy flavor in her mouth.

Minjeong spreads Tsuki's pussy lips further for you to tongue the Japanese girl even deeper. You two keep teaming up as Tsuki's moans grow louder. "Wow, I've never had my pussy eaten like this before," Tsuki says. Winter is clearly the star of the show; her kissing and tonguing of Tsuki's pussy are otherworldly and drive the Japanese girl wild.

"I think he wants some attention too," Winter says, letting Tsuki stand up to kiss you. Minjeong is truly selfless, putting her partner's pleasure over hers. Tsuki and her team up on your cock once again, but Winter goes straight to your balls, letting Tsuki take your shaft all by herself. Groans come out of your mouth as they prove to be a killer combo, with Winter even trying to match Tsuki's ahegao antics while engulfing your testicles.

"Fuck," you curse for the first time as Tsuki deepthroats you and gives you a big smile, bobbing her head without needing to use her hands to work on your shaft. Down low, Winter is just amazing, heating up your balls perfectly while letting Tsuki lick your shaft like an ice cream.

"I want it too," Winter says in a rare selfish act, snatching your cock away from Tsuki. I can't blame her. That shaft is just too big not to get a good taste of Minjeong's sexy mouth. Winter is really horny, her nipples already fully erected as she fulfills her public sex fantasies staring at the amazing views from the Han River.

Winter clearly brings some extra heat compared to the first time sucking your cock. Tsuki smiles as she watches Minjeong go full slutty for your big dick, kissing you while massaging your balls. Winter stays focused, showing off how well she has perfected the art of oral sex. On and off the stage, Winter is a real ace.

"Wow, she's so hungry," Tsuki says as she takes another turn on your cock. Winter doesn't rest, though, going right back towards more ball-licking. "Oh my God, you two are killing me," you tell them. "Glad you like it," Winter says.

You passionately kiss Winter's cock-flavored mouth. She truly feels like a girl who's from another universe, sent by some mystical creature that wanted to bless you. It doesn't hurt that she has a hot, sexy friend as well.

"Let's take it together," Winter says as Tsuki and her team up to lick your shaft. The girls get their mouths close to each other and lick your snake like a pair of snakes poisoning their prey. Tsuki moves down to your balls while Winter keeps licking that hard pole. Even the birds want to watch them work on your cock as a few land on your yacht, just as the two beautiful girls increase their pace of sucking.

"Suck that cock," Winter tells Tsuki using a soft voice, pushing the Japanese girl's head down that dick before doing it herself. The two keep taking turns getting your cock covered in spit. Until Minjeong finally tells her next move.

"I want it inside me," Winter says to you. "Ohhh, you're really horny today, unnie," Tsuki says right after. "Come to me," you tell Winter, putting her head on Tsuki's belly, who assists you by inserting your cock right at Winter's pussy.

You groan the moment you get inside Minjeong. Her walls are ultra tight and squeeze you right from the beginning. You slowly push it up as Tsuki fingers Winter's pussy. "Get deeper inside me," Winter demands. "Let me see that big cock penetrating my pussy," she continues.

"Put it all in. Fuck me," Winter says. She's so cute giving you those commands; her nipples are fully hard as Tsuki rubs her hands on them. You two quickly develop great chemistry as you passionately fuck Minjeong, as she sexily moans every time your cock bulges under her skinny belly.

"It feels so good," Winter moans as you get deeper inside her tight pussy, picking up the pace as you share kisses with Tsuki before moving down to kiss Winter herself. "I love your cock," Minjeong tells you, who never thought missionary fucking could be this hot.

"I want more; take it deep in my pussy," Winter cutely commands. You happily oblige, as if you were using the keys to open the gates of heaven every time you stretch her out. The clapping noises emanate from her body as you fuck her faster and harder.

"Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah," Winter keeps moaning as you go even deeper. "Yes, fuck me," she moans again as Tsuki rubs her. You get addicted to her pussy. "You like it?" you ask her. "Yes, I love it so much," Minjeong replies. Everything about her is so genuine. 

"Fuck that pussy, ahhhhh," Winter demands. You are amazed at how cute she still looks, even with that long cock deep in her cunt. Winter becomes fully submissive to your cock as you now pound her in a mating press. "Ahhhh, such a big, big cock," she says, emphasizing your size.

"Ahhh, make my pussy cream," Winter orders to you. Her juices can be seen at your shaft every time you pump out of her hole. You take her balls deep as she praises your cock every time you hit it in her cunt. "Ahhhh, you're so deep inside me," she continues.

"Keep going, all the way in," Winter says. You fuck her harder than ever. "Yeah, yeah, just stretch that pussy," she continues. You can't focus on anything except pounding it. Tsuki becomes just an afterthought in the background as your eyes are all on Minjeong. And more than your eyes, your cock is hyperfocused on destroying her tight pink pussy.

Winter's walls squeeze your cock just as you kiss her beautiful lips. You can't resist anymore, and you paint her insides white. It feels like you fucked her for over an hour, but you could barely last for five minutes inside her tight pussy.

But Minjeong isn't done. "I want to cum all over that cock," she tells you, making you put your cock back in her cream-filled pussy and quickly regain your erection. "Make me cum, baby," Winter tells you, who slowly fucks her pussy as a mix of cum and juices coats your shaft, with Winter getting closer to orgasm as Tsuki rubs her perky little tits and kisses Minjeong's moaning mouth.

"Faster, baby," Winter says as her voice gets more and more out of breath. She fingers herself and starts cumming nonstop as you kiss her while burying your big cock deep in her pussy. The warmth of her wet insides filled with your cum is such an amazing feeling that you make sure to enjoy every second of it.

"And now me?" Tsuki asks as you finally pull out of Winter. "My friend can't wait," Minjeong comments. "I'm very horny, just like you," Tsuki says. "Then come here," you tell her, after giving Winter's pussy a final kiss.

Tsuki gets on all fours as you and Winter rub your hands over her body, paying special attention to her cute butt. "Put your dick inside me; I need it," she says. After a little tease, you grant her wish, with just the feeling of your tip inside her cunt making Tsuki moan.

You and Winter share kisses as you slowly thrust inside Tsuki's pussy. Once again, Tsuki pulls off an incredible show with her facial expressions. But Winter's smile as you fuck her friend is just as good. You let Winter have a taste of your cock, now mixed with her juices and Tsuki's. Winter savors it for a good 30 seconds before putting your shaft back inside Tsuki.

Tsuki closes her eyes and moans even harder as Winter puts her tongue in the Japanese girl's asshole. "Fuck my pussy and eat my ass out, ahhhh" is all Tsuki can say in between more and more moans. "You like it?" Winter asks Tsuki. "Yes," she replies, struggling to even say those simple words as you put extra heat in her pussy.

Winter lays down in front of Tsuki, letting her friend finger her perfect pink pussy. "Come here, baby," Tsuki tells her, pushing Winter's body further close as she dives into Minjeong's pussy. Just as she does it, you pick up the pace much further. Tsuki smiles as your cock makes her pussy cream and her mouth makes Winter's do the same.

"That's so fucking good," Tsuki says as you pump her pussy harder and make her tits jiggle. "You look so pretty getting fucked like this," Winter tells her. She buries her face in Winter's pussy even further in response. "Hmmm, you like that big cock inside that pussy, don't you?" Winter asks. Tsuki answers positively, but it gets muffled by her mouth being all over Minjeong's folds.

"She's such a good girl, being the perfect sleeve for that cock," Winter says about Tsuki to you. "Ahhh, fuck," Tsuki moans as Minjeong does it. You rub your hands all over Tsuki's ass, giving it a little tap. "You like to be slapped?" you ask her. "Hmmmm," Tsuki says.

"Make her pussy cream; slap her hard," Winter orders you, who obviously follow. Tsuki's pale skin is built to get slapped; you love how quickly her ass turns heads. "Ouch!" she screams as you tap her sensitive and cute ass. Winter and her share kisses as you pound Tsuki hard and deep.

"I've never done something like this before," Winter tells Tsuki as she massages her tits. "Me too," Tsuki says, already out of breath as you keep fucking her. "Show her who's in control; get on top of her," Winter orders you, ready to get much spicier.

You mount on top of Tsuki while your cock is still deep in her pussy. "Oh, fuck," Tsuki says as she's about to get turned into a submissive cocksleeve. You and Winter kiss each other as she enjoys watching Tsuki get plowed. But no one enjoys it more than the Japanese fucktoy, who smiles and makes a lot of naughty faces as you manhandle her cunt.

"YEAH. OH. OH. OH. OH." Tsuki moans. "Fuck her like she's your bitch," Winter keeps demanding. You hammer Tsuki like a bull while staring at Minjeong's beautiful and lustful eyes. Tsuki just closes her eyes as her pussy gets utterly destroyed. "OH MY GOD," she says as you pound her to submission, looking now at the perfect sight of her body on all fours while Winter licks her chops, wishin she was at Tsuki's place.

"Put it back; I want more," Tsuki asks when you give her a little relief. She rests her head on the boat's floor as you keep plowing her, fingering herself as she approaches her orgasm. "Yes, yes, yes," Tsuki says in a barely audible manner, her mouth fully open like the one of an onahole. 

But you just can't stop fucking that juicy and tight Japanese pussy. Winter gives Tsuki's head a little kiss and then asks her, "Ready to cum?" Tsuki can't even answer as she looks at you, fucking her like a toy and wishing you could do this to her forever. "Keep going like that," she says, but her voice is so weak now that you barely hear it.

"I'm gonna cum," Tsuki whispers, but loud enough for both of you to hear. Winter loves when those words come from her mouth, making a shocked expression of her own. "Make her cum," she just says, smiling as she watches Tsuki close her eyes and open her mouth to the fullest as her pussy creams all over your cock. With it still deep inside her, you give Tsuki short but fast thursts. "HMMM. HMMM. HMMM. HMMM. HMMMM," she moans, reaching her orgasm with your cock hitting all the way into her cervix.

"Oh God," Tsuki says with a big smile on her face as she stares at you. But Winter is quick to give you another kiss as you slow down until you pull out of Tsuki. "Come here to taste it." You stand up and tell both girls as they get on their knees, ready to worship that cock. Winter arrives first on the scene. "Let me taste your pussy," she tells Tsuki, sucking your big cock without using her hands. Tsuki then follows suit as the two sloppily bob their heads on your prick before placing it in between their mouths.

"Stay like this," you tell the girls, who smile at each other. Winter is the happiest one, as she looks behind and sees you getting ready to take her pussy again, this time from behind. You line your cock up against her entrance so perfectly that you don't even need to use your hands to adjust. Minjeong closes her eyes as her pussy gets slowly stretched out.

"Ahhhh," Winter moans with a sexy smile on her face. You take it slow as her moans get more prolonged with each thrust you give her. "Tell me about it," Tsuki asks Minjeong. "It's... so... big," it's all she can say. But it's the truth after all, as she enjoys your nine-inch monster stretching her out in a prone-bone position. "Ok," Tsuki tells her in such a manner that you can tell she's bragging about taking it like a champion just moments ago.

Winter kisses Tsuki as your cock gets deeper and deeper inside her. You're very passionate, not wanting to hurt your beautiful lover. "Even full of dick, you still look so cute, Minjeong unnie," Tsuki says. She's telling the truth. Winter is truly capable of being the cutest girl in the world, no matter what she's doing.

Winter gets surprised when you finally commit to getting into the depths of her cunt. "Ahhhhh, ahhhhh, ahhhhh," she lets out successive moans. But you stay deep inside her as Minjeong's walls clench around your cock. "Oh, my God," she says. You don't even need to thrust inside her anymore; your meat and her cunt are perfectly interlocked now. It's like the sword in the stone myth, and whoever manages to pull you out of Minjeong will be crowned king.

"This is so good; you're so tight," you tell Winter. "I'm curious to see how your friend takes it," you continue, moving sideways to take on Tsuki next. "She's ready for you." Winter says this as you two kiss each other again.

Tsuki softly moans, as she's next in line. The slow pumps you give her already make her roll her eyes. Winter smiles as she stares at Tsuki, who's struggling to take your cock deep in her pussy. "Yesss, ahhhhh," Tsuki moans as you start clapping against her cheeks. Winter, as the dream girlfriend, gets all the kisses. Meanwhile, for the slutty Tsuki, all she gets is pounding after pounding from your hard cock.

You quickly increase the speed, brining a lot of heat into Tsuki's pussy, her body getting pressed to the floor at each thurst. Winter never thought of herself as a voyeur before, but she really enjoys watching her friend get plowed. "Ohhh, God, fuck," Tsuki says as you pin her completely to the floor, stretching your hands to grope her perky tits.

"YESSS, AHHHH, AHHHH," Tsuki moans under Winter's watchful eyes. At this point, Minjeong is licking her chops, amazed as she watches both of you engage in a torrid sex session. Tsuki is really the perfect fucktoy to pound against the floor of your boat, as she covers it with the juices leaking out from her pussy. "You're hitting her so deeply; I love it," Winter says. Tsuki can only laugh to hide how she gets increasingly sensitive and throbs harder at each new thrust you give her.

"So deep, I like that," Tsuki says as you get completely on top of her, all while sharing kisses with Winter. Her eyes roll, and her tongue sticks out as you make her cum. "That's so good, oh yeah," Tsuki says, barely able to feel her legs now. You even give her a double massage: your hands press her shoulders up top while your meat presses her cunt down low. Even after she cums, Tsuki wants more. "Go back, please," she tells you, who obliges and gives her a few extra thrusts into her throbbing vagina, kissing her and Winter when you're finally done.

"I want something from you girls now," you tell them. "One of them is riding my cock while the other sits on my face," you say. Tsuki kisses you and quickly offers the pussy you just destroyed for you to savor. Winter dives into your cock and warms it up for the ride of her life. The Japanese girl gets the early pleasure, as you are already licking her folds before Winter can even position herself to get impaled by your monster cock.

Winter starts riding your cock, and you feel blessed. The view. The girls. The sex. This day couldn't have gone more perfect for you. It feels like heaven to have two girls using your body as a way to please themselves to the fullest.

As you tongue Tsuki's pussy harder, Minjeong increases the pace of her ride. Their moans blend with each other, and you can't tell which one is getting the most pleasure. But by the way their folds gush all over your tongue and cock, you can tell they are having a lot of it. Tsuki runs her hands over Winter's pale butt as the snow girl gives you such a hot ride that it could make your cock melt. "You're working on this cock so well," Tsuki says, impressed at Minjeong's riding skills.

Winter spreads her cheeks as she lets you thrust upwards against her tight pussy. Every time you get to hit her cervix, she lets out an out-of-breath moan, and her asshole involuntarily winks. Loud noises come out as the hips of both of you clash against each other. Minjeong doesn't hold back, meeting your thursts full of enthusiasm and moaning the loudest she's done so far.

The riding keeps going on as Minjeong shows no signs of slowing down. Out of all positions, cowgirl might be her favorite. She loves the feeling of taking control and stuffing herself full of cock, and she seems to be easily winning the battle now, bouncing on your pole at full speed and enjoying when Tsuki pushes her further down and impales her to the max against your cock.

More time passes by, and Winter keeps going on with her cock-riding show. You and Tsuki basically forget about anything, taking all your focus away from watching the Queen Minjeong ride spectacle. Winter feels flaunted as all eyes are on her, giving all her effort. She is truly the living proof of the planet getting warmer than ever, because you've never seen a hotter Winter than the one on top of your cock.

Tsuki gets out of your face to take a privileged seat at Winter, making your cock melt. The Japanese girl masturbates herself as watching Minjeong get impaled proves to be a massive turn-on for her. "Ahhhhh, ahhhhh, ahhhh, Oh my God, Oh my God," Winter manages to outdo herself in cuteness once again, coming up with the softest moans you've seen. Tsuki watches all of it, all her fingers now deep in her cunt. Both she and Winter closed their eyes at the same time and even managed to say the same words together:

"I AM. CUMMING.".

Winter's legs get weaker as she rests her body on top of yours, only to be surprised by a gush of squirt coming off Tsuki's pussy. You're so addicted to her pussy you don't pull out at any moment, kissing Minjeong as her face gets within your range and giving her waist and butt a little massage. Winter finally pulls out, staring at Tsuki creaming herself, and then gives the Japanese girl the final command.

"Finish him," Winter tells her, getting your cock wet for one final round of pussy pounding. Her heavenly mouth almost makes Minjeong fulfill her own command by herself, as you have to pinch yourself not to cum. Tsuki saves you at the last second, offering you her tits and mouth for you to kiss. 

Tsuki gets a taste of your cock before she sits on it. Doing so in reverse cowgirl, she tells who the audience of her cock-riding show will be: she wants to do it looking at Minjeong's beautiful face and show her first and foremost her best facial expressions.

Winter pushes Tsuki's hair down to get a better view of her face as the Japanese girl finally takes a sit on your prick. Tsuki rides it as Winter stares at her stretched-out pussy. You two put on a great show for Minjeong to watch as Tsuki runs her hands all over your shaft while bouncing on it. Winter stays with one hand fully attached to her pussy, the other rubbing your thighs to get you even closer to the edge.

You grab Tsuki's waist, trying to tame her, but she barely flinches. Fully committed to the mission Winter gave her, she rides you even harder, massaging your balls to add some extra spice. Winter aides her, licking her chops as she sees some sticky liquids straight out of Tsuki's cunt coating your shaft.

"Fuck him hard, make him cum," Winter keeps ordering as Tsuki gets your cock inside her all the way down to your balls. You start losing control and plow upwards against her pussy, making splashy noises when you hit her deep, as her cunt is extremely wet now. Tsuki opens her mouth to the fullest every time you hit her cervix, her ahegao getting crazier the more cock she takes.

Tsuki turns into a moaning mess as you two fuck like crazy animals. Winter can't believe what she's seeing, making shocked expressions as she watches you stuff Tsuki's cunt. "FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, I'M GONNA CUM," Tsuki says as her legs close and she starts orgasming, expelling your cock out of her pussy. "Put it back, put it back," she demands, her voice completely lost at this point. Tsuki masturbates herself as she creams all over your cock.

"Wow, that's beautiful," Winter says as Tsuki opens her legs back up. Minjeong places her hand over her lips and licks her chops as the intense pounding gets replaced by a passionate fucking, with Tsuki making one final wish.

"I want to see your cum covering all of my face," she tells you. As soon as you pull out, you start jerking off to Winter and Tsuki faces side by side. It doesn't take long before blasts of semen come out of your dick and paint Tsuki's face white as she sticks her tongue out in glee after you grant her wish.

Winter quickly comes up and licks the cum from Tsuki's face as the two swap it in their mouths in front of you. "Thanks; that was amazing," Minjeong kindly says. "I can't wait to rock your boat again," Tsuki completes.

The girls get dressed as you bring them back to where it all started. As they leave your boat at the yacht club, it seems like another typical fashion event for the brand they were endorsing.

But the truth is, in that day, Kim Minjeong and Fukutomi Tsuki mastered the art of escape. 

------------------------------

I'd like to give a shoutout to @haiabd as they wrote a very similarly themed smut also featuring Winter and that boat event from last month. We went with slightly different focuses and partners (I picked Tsuki, they picked Chaewon, their smut features anal, mine doesn't). But every time something like this happens, I mention the other author. In the end, I wholeheartedly agree with them when they started their story saying: "These Winter pics are so good so I had to write about them", so I did the same.

[yikesharringrove]

Billy's always loved libraries.

He fucking loves books, has since he was a little kid.

But he just loves everything about them.

In California, he loved the air conditioning. He loved the fact he could find some random corner and not have to go home for hours and hours. He loved that he could read whatever he wanted for free. He loved that if he didn't actually take it home with him, his dad couldn't give him shit for the books he read at an alarming pace.

In Hawkins, it was a place to hide.

Nobody expected Billy Hargrove to be tucked away in the very back of the library, his nose in a book.

And to be fair, he hadn't expected Steve Harrington to be in the library, either.

Billy didn't even know his name the first time he saw him.

Steve had a cart next to him, and was reshelving books, humming quietly to himself.

Billy was fresh to Hawkins, and all he knew was that this town was shitty, and that boy was absolutely beautiful.

In a few days, when he was finally enrolled at the high school, he learned the boy's name.

Steve Harrington.

The stories about him were so different than Billy expected. The tales of the wild party boy, the wannabe bully with a short fuse and a shitty right hook.

Everything he had seen in the library was contradictory to everything he now knew.

Steve wasn't much of a presence at school. He was quiet in his classes, often daydreaming out of the window, or doodling sleepily on his meager notes.

Billy sat one row beside and two seats behind him in calculus, and he had noticed the large red grades at the top of each of his assignments. The low scores and the come see me! scrawled in the teacher's writing.

His ineptitude at school fit somewhere in the middle of the two Steves Billy had come to think about.

Mean party animal Steve didn't care about school. Didn't study and smirked at failing grades.

Library worker Steve blinked tears out of his eyes and stayed behind in class to explain to the teacher I promise, I studied so hard. I don't know what happened, I studied every night last week.

Billy had decided, he liked both versions of Steve. He liked the one with a snarl on his lips and a glint in his eye when Tommy H. said something fucking stupid. He liked the one who showed kids to the childrens' section with a soft smile and gave them a high five when they found a book to check out.

It took a few days for Steve to become aware of the shadow in the library, following his every move as he went through his shift.

The new guy at school. Billy Hargrove.

Metal head lady killer. Who gets into fights and flirts with everyone with a pair of tits.

Who sits in the library and reads Emily Bronté.

He smiled at Steve when they first made eye contact across the reference desk, and Steve thinks he must be imagining the wink thrown his way.

Billy had spread out on one of the desks near the back, his calculus textbook open, notes strewn about.

They had a test the following day that Billy was studying for.

Steve had kinda already accepted the failing he was probably going to earn.

But maybe...

Steve's shift is up in half an hour.

Luckily, Billy stayed put where he was, Walkman headphones over his ears, pouring over notes and example problems.

Steve knocked on the table top like a dork.

Billy looked up at him, and whoa, his eyes are so blue. He pulled his headphones down.

"Hi, uh, Billy, right?" Steve's face felt hot, but Billy just nodded. "Um, we're in the same calculus class-"

"I know. I've noticed you in there."

Steve rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Yeah. Well. I suck as math, and-"

"Do you want to study with me?"

And Billy liked the look on Steve's face. The eye-crinkled grateful smile. It was in between the Steves he knew. It was kind, but he laughed at himself easily.

"Thanks, man. I appreciate it. I mean, I'm stupid at calculus."

"Nah," Steve liked the way Billy brushed off Steve's insecure commentary. "This shit is hard. You wanna do some practice problems?"

[kayas-kosmos]

Because of what's happening on Twitter...

I've made a little diagram to demonstrate why billionaires and the ultra-wealthy are bad for society.

(Text in Image)

"If we view society as a body, every sector is like a different organ within the body that serves a function and works in harmony with other organs to maintain balance. Every part of the body is important for the whole thing to function."

"The ultra-wealthy want you to believe they are the beating heart and thinking mind of the society – they are the innovators who create our jobs and their brilliance drives society forward. They deserve to be at the top of society because they have earned that. Without them, the body won’t function because they are the most important part."

"In reality, they are more like a malignant tumour, sucking all of the blood (resources) away from everything else (people and the planet) to fuel its own infinite growth, depriving the rest of the body and slowly killing it. Workers create all of the innovation and keep things running, the ultra-wealthy take all the credit."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is a public domain image so feel free to pinch it for whatever.

Elon Musk has put the careers of thousands of small business owners who depend on Twitter (myself included) in jeopardy by completely running it into the ground. Before this, Mark Zuckerberg had already been doing the same when he started pursuing Metaverse, making Instagram and Facebook much more unusable for artists. Do I really need to go into other examples of CEOs and very normalised practise of wage theft?

Meanwhile, the UK currently has the richest Prime Minister in its history. What is this man doing with this wealth? Continuing the Tory legacy of austerity in order to line his pockets and the pockets of his crony friends. This has resulted in a devastating cost of living crisis that continues to ravage the country as people's energy bills skyrocket out of control.

My diagram is pretty basic and lacks nuance, there's definitely more I could elaborate on with this comparison but I really don't have time. I just want people to get the basic point of how billionaires view themselves vs what function they actually serve. I'm also not here to debate whether some organs are more important than others since I'm not a doctor, that's not really the point here. And no, I don't care if people think I'm being harsh by comparing billionaires to a tumour. If they don't want to be compared to one they should stop acting like one. Jeff Bezos could end world hunger right now and chooses not to.

Also, I know a lot of people are going to come at me with the argument that billionaires give away massive amounts of money. First off, people like Jeff Bezos only give large sums of money to charity a.) for the sake of improving their public image and b.) because giving to charity allows them to write it off in their taxes. Also, charities in of themselves have a lot of problems, but that's a blog post for another day. Mutual Aid is a better way to help people directly. Really, the ultra wealthy need to be taxed, of course they do everything within their power to avoid taxes.

Also:

"Earning a lot of money" and "holding onto a lot of money" are two different things. You cannot be a multi-millionaire unless you hold onto that money. If you give away massive chunks of it to enrich society, you cease to be a billionaire.

Oh and this is worth a watch, too.

Furthermore:

Also before the inevitable great man comments:

Being a billionaire is a moral failing. Nobody needs that much money.

[Slight edit here - I made the assertion that a billionaire could not spend all of their money in their lifetime, but as someone in the comments pointed out it's very easy for them to completely waste billions in no time. Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg have shown that].

Anyway, if you would like to see more anti-Capitalist art from me, I am currently working on a webcomic called "Flowerpunk" - a story about a group of anarchists who are trying to save the city of Wyrdon from a supernatural plague known as "the rot." The comic heavily discusses disaster Capitalism and how the rich will use mass death and destruction as an opportunity to further line their pockets.

I also like to do little anti-Capitalist doodles relating to this project, which I plan to make into posters at some point.

Please consider donating a Ko-Fi also if you would like to help support this project. I am really struggling at the moment because I've basically lost a massive chunk of my client base due to this Twitter implosion and also because of the AI BS that has made it impossible for me to get any reach nowadays. The last year or so has been an absolute nightmare for my career because of all of this.

Thank you all for your continued support! Hopefully I can re-establish my audience here on Tumblr and wherever else I decide to go.

[usedtobecooler]

bully!eddie getting so frustrated with you when you correct him on some kind of lore in a literature class and choking that lil’ know-it-all attitude out of you.

nobody look at me... i'm feral.

tw: bully!eddie, unprotected piv sex, choking, dacryphilia, dumbification, degradation.

"i — i'm sorry, eddie," you're stuttering over your words as he backs you up into the corner of the tiny janitors closet, crowding in close with a look in his eyes that can only be described as murderous.

"sorry? too little too late, sweetheart," eddie tuts, shoving up against you until there's nowhere else for you to go — cowered in the corner, body wracking with nerves, "need to teach you what happens to little know-it-all skanks when they talk out of turn."

and you should've known this would happen, the second you opened your mouth and corrected him when he'd so confidently answered mr collard. the narrowed look he shot you was more than enough of a warning — you were in for it, and there was nothing you could do to stop it.

he's giving you the same look now, eyes so dark they're almost black in the dim lighting of the stuffy closet, as his hands grip at your hips harshly, short nails biting into the slight bit of exposed skin on your waist, where your shirt and skirt don't quite meet.

all you can hear is your own breathing in your ears, thighs quivering and you know your pussy is gushing, in anticipation for what was going to happen. you'd only ever spoken back to him once before, and that was in private, away from prying eyes and the goons who you had to sit in class with.

this was different. you'd embarrassed him in public and in his favourite class — you'd be lucky to get off without at least a bruise somewhere visible. you tense in anticipation as his rough hands slide up your sides, almost soothingly, until his fingers dance up your shoulders, fanning your hair from them. exposing the expanse of your neck.

"eddie, please," and you don't know why you say it — unable to tell if it's a beg for him to stop or keep going. though he doesn't dignify you with a response, the cool silver of his rings almost welcome on your burning hot skin, as his hand wraps tightly around your throat, squeezing until you're gasping for a breath.

"maybe this'll shut you the fuck up," he smirks, squeezing tighter until you can feel each individual pad of his fingers, your soft skin nipping inbetween the thick metal of his rings, enough to elicit a whimper. you're looking at him with big wide eyes, mouth hung open, trying to suck in air, "see? you're so much prettier when you can't talk."

he watches you as you squirm with some sort of sick fascination, alternating the tightness of his squeezing every so often, just enough to let you still breathe slightly, though your vision goes blurry at the edges from the lack of oxygen pretty quickly.

he doesn't break eye contact, not even as his free hand leaves your body to unbuckle his pants, and you wince when you hear the metal clink, hear the rucking of his pants being shoved slightly down his thighs, just enough to pull his cock out. you'd never admit to how your cunt throbbed and fluttered in anticipation for what was to come.

"you're lucky i'm fucking your dirty pussy and not stuffing that smart little mouth of yours full," he grunts, grabbing a large handful of your thigh and hiking it up around his waist. his cock slides into the tight heat of your cunt with minimal effort, which is almost embarrassing, though it's hard to care when you're so spaced out and full.

you cry out when he picks up a brutal pace, immediate and giving you no time to adjust to the sheer size of him. eddie doesn't like that you're making any noise, silencing you as quick as the noises start, pressing down on the sides of your neck even harder, biting your skin and squeezing every breath from you.

"hear that?" he asks, groaning, though the smirk stays on his lips — dirty, disgusting. of course you hear it, the noise of your gushing cunt and his hips clapping into yours invading your ears, mortifying you further, "you like it? like me treating you like what you are? what are you, tell me."

you suck in a harsh breath, taking the opportunity when eddie lets up just slightly, hips stuttering in time with his hand releasing you, "a — a dirty sl-slut."

eddie laughs, guffaws in your face and you can't help the way your cunt clenches around his length, so tight you feel every single ridge, "look at you, sweetheart. so fucking dumb for me."

you cry out, a deep need burning in your lower gut as his cock slides against your spongey spot, velvet walls sucking him in willingly. your eyes roll into the back of your head, skull cracking against the wall behind your head as you give in. you're dizzy, from the lack of oxygen and eddie fucking you so hard he's bruising your cervix.

"you think you're so clever, but look at you now, all stupid on my cock and crying for it like a fuckin whore," eddie's words are venomous, and he's grinning, pleased with himself, though you know by the slight nostril flare that he's still so. angry.

you don't even realise you were crying until he points it out, but your tears are spilling down your cheeks and pooling beneath his tight fingers on your throat, making his grip slip ever so slightly.

eddie doesn't like that, presses you further into the wall with a harsher squeeze, holding you in place. your orgasm hits you unexpectedly — hot, hard, fast, as your pussy clenches and gushes around his thick cock, your euphoria coming out as a strained cry.

eddie laughs again, "filthy. cumming when i'm choking the life out of you. i'm almost impressed."

you garble something unintelligible, unable to catch your breath as he squeezes down on your throat harder, winding you further. though you can't ignore the way your chest clenches, when you catch how breathy and high pitched his voice gets. a telltale sign that he's close.

his thrusts grow sloppy after that, his violent words dying off, energy being put into shoving into your sloppy cunt, chasing his own high. he cums quick, buried deep inside of you — he adds insult to injury, leaning down to bite a harsh mark into the swell of your tit.

a reminder he was there, and to any other man who might catch a glimpse — you were his property.

as if his load spilling out of you for the remainder of the day and soiling your panties wasn't enough.

[luveline]

for baby blurbs :))

( feel free to ignore this if you don’t like the idea )

ok so this could be for Steve ( or eddie I don’t really care) but he surprises you when you’re at college and like the r and Steve were long distance before

p.s I love you and your writing sm you’ll never understand how much love I have for your writing hope you had a great night/day <33

long distance boyfriend Steve putting cough guy and all other lackluster boyfriends to shame!! tysm for ur request ily ♡ fem!reader

It's been a really long time since you saw your boyfriend. You and Steve had been long distance before. Now that you're at college it's double what it had been, and it feels impassable sometimes.

Of course you've met him, and you know him, you've spent stolen weeks together that always feel like they exist outside of time, and at the end of each one it's harder to say goodbye.

Still, he's only ever a phone call away. Miles and miles and miles, but you're very connected. Which might be why you're in such a tizzy today. He hasn't answered the phone once. You'd tried this morning before he went to work and he hadn't answered. You'd tried his place of work and his bubble best friend Robin had answered, saying he was a little busy and to call back later. You had, and nobody answered at all. Finally, at 7PM, you'd called his house phone and met the same blank wall. You want to cry.

You get scared all the time that he's going to find someone else. How could you? He's handsome in that awful, chest-aching way. Each time you see him in person is agony, to realise and remember how softly gorgeous he is with his huge brown eyes and his silky hair. He's kind, and he's funny, and he's effortlessly charming. You can't imagine the amount of interest he garners.

You sniffle to yourself, stressed beyond words. College sucks and work sucks, and the corner store hadn't had anything nice to drink so now you're thirsty and missing your boyfriend who might not be your boyfriend much longer.

You live in a small house with some other girls, and as soon as you open the door one of them calls out to you. "Hey, Y/N! Did they have it?"

"No," you say morosely, slipping out of your shoes. At least your roommates are nice. "It's okay though. I'm just... uh, I'm gonna call Steve again and then cry myself to sleep."

There's a wave of girly giggling at your joke.

"Laugh it up," you mumble ruefully.

"Would you come in here, first?" Mellissa asks. She's the tall one who always makes you desserts when she has extra. "I need help."

"Sure."

You hang your coat up on the rack and rub your sore eyes. You hadn't cried so much as teared up on the way home, and it's hard to be upset around other people. You shake your hair out and turn the corner into the kitchen, eyes on your skirt as you walk in.

"Guys, do you think this skirt makes me look like a weirdo? I liked the pattern when I got it, but now I'm thinking it makes me look like a carpet."

"It's nice."

You look up so fast your neck clicks audibly.

"I don't think you look like a carpet," Steve says, hands braced either side of the counter behind him. He snorts like he's thinking about what you've just said in more detail. "How do you come up with this stuff?"

Any nonchalance he's enacting slips away as you rush forward. He meets you half way, and he slides his arms under yours to steady you as you collide with his chest.

"Oh my god," you moan, sounding remarkably close to tears in seconds. You force your face as deeply as you can into his neck and cling to him like he might slip away. "Are you real?"

Your roommates all laugh, and Melissa shushes them. You listen to them file out of the room, cooing and awing, but your attention is quickly stolen (rightfully) by Steve's hands. He has big hands and they feel huge as they spread out over your shoulders, glueing you tight to his front.

"You're here," you say, and then you really start to cry.

"I'm here." Steve sighs at your shaking. He starts to sway you slowly from one side to the other, hand patting a gentle rhythm. "Sorry I didn't call. I thought it would be a good surprise... 'Til your roommate told me you've been worrying about me."

He pulls your head out of his neck and meets your eyes. You look back and blink tears out of your lashes so you can see him clearly, starving for his details. He looks exactly as he had the last time you'd left him, bar a small, almost minute cut under his chin. You bring your hand up to touch it carefully. He's always been sloppy with a razor.

"You don't have to worry about me. I'm not going anywhere," he says, imploring. "You know? You should know by now the only reason I'm missing your call is because I'm on my way to you or dying in a ditch somewhere."

You laugh wetly, wiping your sticky face with the back of your hand. "Don't say that."

"It's true."

Your movements turn urgent because you really want to kiss him now but you're all gross and wet. Steve gets the memo and shakes his sleeve over his hand, holding the fabric over the bottom of his palm to wipe your eyes, your nose.

"Sorry," you mumble.

He shushes you and closes the gap, forehead sliding against your own, nose tips touching as he forces your head back. "Don't be sorry," he says, words hot against your lips. You ache for him to kiss you.

"I really missed you," you say.

Steve kisses you before you can burst into renewed tears. It's urgent but he's never not a gentleman. Any attempt to deepen the kiss that you make is met with a breathless laugh and his pulling back. He nips and kisses and dedicates himself to your lips, hands and arms lifting you upwards until you're impossibly close.

"I missed you," he says, breaking the kiss. It's like he can't help himself, because he wades back in immediately. "Too." Another stolen kiss. "So much. So much."

Eventually, his lips move to your cheek and yours to his. You stand there breathing in each others skin and clinging, though your arms loosen over time as reality sinks in. He's here. He's real.

"How long are you here?" you ask, knowing the answer's gonna break your heart.

"I got ten days for you, if you'll have me. Already checked with your roommates. They said if I buy you all dinner one night for my share of the rent then it's okay."

You grow dizzy with joy. Ten days.

"You don't have to do that, really," you say, hands moving frenetically up and down his back.

"I want to. Thank them for keeping my secret."

You gasp and take a half step back. Steve follows you, like a twin star chasing it's counterpart. "They knew?" you ask.

"I needed your address."

"How'd you even talk to them?"

He takes your shoulder into his grip and shakes you mildly. "I have my ways." You gawp. "I waited until you were in class n' called your phone until one of them answered. I'm surprised they let me in."

You giggle, the sound laden with a contagious joy that has your boyfriend smiling and trying to kiss you again. You laugh into his mouth, and he laughs back. The sound tastes sweet.

[anotherstudtouse]

Imagine getting home drunk from a night out with Angela and her fucking you from behind…

this could work for the two of you already being together obviously but I'm in the mood for first times so I'm going with 'you're roommates trying to pretend you don't have feelings for each other and don't want to fuck each other's brains out mainly because you don't want to find a new place to live if it blows up"

also this is long so I'm putting it under a read more

you went out with some of the other people from smosh, and after amanda drops you two off, you both make your way to the kitchen. it's been a long night of touches too intimate to be considered friendly, whispered words in ears, and scaring off any strangers who come up to try to flirt with you.

needless to say it's been a long night and you're thirsty in more ways than one.

you're not even aware that angela's followed you into the kitchen until, as you're bent over to search the depths of the refrigerator for something good and non-alcoholic to drink, you feel her hands on your hips. she presses her pelvis into your ass and you almost hit your head as you abruptly straighten up.

"you look so pretty in this." her compliment is accompanied by one wandering hand toying with the hem of your shirt. both hands are slipping underneath now, smoothing out against your abdomen as she presses herself into you from behind. "you always look so pretty. I don't blame that girl at the club for trying to take you from me."

your breath hitches at the feeling of her hands rising, fingertips brushing against the bottom of your bra. you know this could end badly but you can't seem to bring yourself to care. all you can think about is the rasp in angela's voice and how her touch almost burns against your skin.

"nobody could take me from you," you respond. it's true -- despite trying not to act on your feelings toward angela, you haven't even entertained the idea of seeing anyone else.

your statement immediately elicits a reaction from your roommate. she moans, one hand leaving your abdomen to grasp your hip and roughly pull it back into her crotch. her other hand gropes your breast through your bra. "you have no idea how long i've been waiting to hear you say that," she whispers in your ear. her hand leaves your breast to travel downward, stopping at the waistband of your pants and unbuttoning them.

your mind feels cloudy, and not just from the alcohol. you're overwhelmed with angela's insistent touch, angela's husky voice, angela's perfect body pressed into yours from behind -- angela. she's taking over your senses and you're finding it hard to think straight.

as angela's hand slips underneath the waistband of your underwear, she sucks in a sharp breath as her fingers ghost over your slick folds. you whine, your hips pushing into her hand, forcing her fingertips to dip between your folds.

you've fantasized about this so many times but nothing could've prepared you for how amazing it would feel to actually feel angela's hand between your thighs, sliding down to to your entrance to tease you, gathering your juices on her fingers. your hand on the still open refrigerator door tightens its grip as you whimper.

"god, you make the prettiest sounds for me," angela groans. her free hand leaves your hip to slam the refrigerator door closed. you almost lose your balance in the process but angela quickly pushes her body into yours, shoving you up against the fridge, trapping you between it and her body.

"i should've done this a long time ago," she whispers. "i should've just let myself into your room and fucked you until you were begging to be mine. i thought about it so many times." as she speaks, she finally stops teasing and enters you with one finger, then two, immediately setting a brutally fast pace that has you gasping and reaching down to grip her forearm, nails digging into her skin.

"i would've let you do whatever you wanted to me if you had," you moan, hips rolling desperately into her hand. you suddenly feel a hand in your hair tugging your head back, forcing a cry of shocked pleasure from your throat.

angela begins to press sloppy kisses to your newly exposed throat, her hand still tightly gripping your hair. "yeah?" she giggles against your throat. "that doesn't surprise me. you're making such a mess on my hand, y/n. and those sounds." she sinks her teeth into your shoulder and you let out a cry of both pain and pleasure. you can feel her groan against your skin. finally, she lets go and soothes the mark with her tongue before speaking again. "how long have you wanted me like this?"

something deep in your stomach tightens as you grow closer to an orgasm. you're panting now, bucking your hips desperately into angela's hand as she pumps her fingers inside you over and over and over. you've been holding yourself back for so long and now that you've finally given in, you never want to stop.

"months," you answer breathlessly. angela's fingers curl inside you, hitting the perfect spot, and the moan that escapes you is downright filthy. "i thought you didn't feel the same. I was -- ah -- I was afraid of making things awkward."

"my poor girl," angela pouts, nipping at your ear. a shiver runs down your spine at her words. 'my poor girl'. hers. you're hers now. "I've got you now, don't worry. I'm never gonna let you go."

it's those words combined with the hurried, rough thrusts of angela's fingers inside you, the pressure of her body holding you against the fridge, and the slight pain of her hand still tightly grasping your hair that finally pushes you over the edge. "angela," you moan as your cunt spasms against your roommate's fingers. it makes it harder for her to keep moving inside you but she perseveres.

"that's my girl," she moans in your ear, pressing a kiss to your jawline. "cum all over my fingers. don't hold back anymore." another kiss, this time lower on your neck. "and i won't either. tonight we're making up for lost time."

[ramen-writes]

"Saints, what happened to you?" He says frustrated as he rubs his temple. "You used to do what I say without any question. You used to-"

"You want to know what happened?" I ask. Controlled smile on my face but I try to bite down my tongue to stop me from letting the anchor I feel on my chest free.

"You really want to know what happened to me? You did" I glare at him. He's older, wiser. My mentor who took me off the streets but right now I don't- I can't see him as that as anyone but the person who turned me into a monster.

"You happened to me."

He sighs in exasperation, as if I'm a kid throwing a temper tantrum. It annoys me and makes me feel so small.

"What in this world are you talking about, child?" he pinched the bridge of his nose and sighs yet again.

"I'm talking about how you made me into a pawn doing your bidding!' I yell. That does it. He looks up at me and glares.

"I did not such thing, I saved you"

"You used me!"

"I've raised you since you were a child"

"You didn't raise me, you trained me"

"I turned you into a hero"

"No" I shake my head, tears threatening to fall down my face but I hold my head high. "No, You turned me into a weapon"

"You saved hundreds of people"

"And I killed a hundred more!"

"They were the enemy"

"They were innocent"

"Nobody's innocent"

"I was!" I yell. "Maybe not now, not with all I've done, with all the blood on my hands but I was. I was innocent before you plucked me like a flower you found pretty. Li-like your favorite little toy you got to control"

He looks at me in something that looks too much like disgust.

"I wanted you to be better". He finally says and I think I hear my heart crack.

"I didn't want to be better" I say, almost a whisper. "I just wanted to be happy" my voice cracks.

He scoffs, "Stop living in delusion and take a look around you. You are in a better situation then half the people in this town. You should be grateful"

"Grateful? Grateful?! You took me from the only people I had with the promises of helping everyone else and what happened?!" I ask.

"What happened to that promise? Because last I took a look around me people were dying, last I took a look around, the same people you promised I would help live a happy life are dead or barely surviving in the slumps that you promised to clear!" I yell, my body is trembling but I stand tall.

"You promised I would help them if I went with you. That they'll be happier if I left them without the burden of taking care of me" I whisper. My heart aches, I miss them, I miss them so much that my heart longs for them. They were the closest to family I had and I.... I left them.

"You promised I would be helping them, that my sacrifice would be for the greater good. I was a sacrifice! And for what?!"

"Well some promises get compromised" he states, ever so steady and it makes me want to scream and yell all over again. Like the kid he thinks I am.

"I built you up to be stronger, to protect your people" he says.

"But what about me?! I didn't need to be stronger I needed to be protected too! I was a child"

"I did protect you!"

"You never protected me, you stifled me, you hide me! You protected me like a bomb that could explode at any moment".

"What was I supposed to do" he scoffs "treat you like a fragile flower? Act like you're a child?"

"But I was a child! All you had to do was treat me like I was a human-"

"But you aren't!"

That makes me pause, I look at him, his eyes don't waver. "Wha- what" I barely get out.

"I said, that you aren't a human"

I feel like all the air has been sucked out of my lungs and I feel myself get lost inside my mind, like I'm no longer in my body.

"B-but" I gulp, tears threatening to fall "You said I was human like all of you. You're the only- the only person to tell me that-"

"I said what I had to to keep you from becoming the monster everyone claimed you already were" he looks at me, I searched for any sign that he is lying, that it was said in anger, I search for guilt or regret to his words but I find my self detecting none.

"You're lying" I say though my voice sounds like it's not a part of me, it's distant as if even it knows that I'm searching for diamonds in a coal mine, that this was the only truth he has uttered this entire conversation.

"Don't kid yourself" he sneers. "You always knew you weren't human. Humans can't do what you can. You already knew that you were different, but I never expected you to turn into the monster even after all I did to save you. But I guess it was faith itself-"

"No" I shake my head, looking him dead in the eye. I hate that my body is trembling, that my knees feel like they will buckle any second now but I try, I just try.

"This was all your own doing, you turned me into this"

"You did this to yourself" he snarls and glares at me.

Tears are already rolling down my face but I can't do anything but try and keep my head high, not let myself fall, not now, not ever again.

"You can't blame me for the cracks in my window when you are the one who handed me the hammer" I say. "I won't let you make me believe that I was born like this when you're the one who destroyed the only part of me that could feel"

[sunnysaystuff]

My stance on the Jegulus-Jily-"All Death Eaters suck because canon says so" dispute (or whatever):

TLDR AT THE BOTTOM!!!!!!!!!!!

After receiving MULTIPLE hate asks (wtf I'm literally nobody why do you care so much) guess I have to put this out here!!

first up - stuff I think is important:

Wolfstar isn't canon and it's the backbone of the fandom, so why do we suddenly decide canon is the shit when people write Jegulus/Jegulily fics? "James would've never liked a Death Eater" fanfiction means you can make stuff up, regardless of what canon James would've liked or wanted.

"Canon-compliant Jegulus fics don't make sense" did James explicitly tell you to your face that he would never date Regulus :0 canon-compliant is a very loose term. a lot of the time it just means that canonical deaths and plot-related events occurred, moreso than relationship-related events.

Jegulus haters often say that Jegulus fans constantly villainize Lily, but the fact of the matter is that they don't. You see more Jily fans villainizing Regulus for originally being a Death Eater than you see Jegulus fans villainizing Lily. "Regulus deserves the villainization and Lily hasn't done anything wrong" - reminder that you can hate on canon Regulus all you want (despite the fact that he eventually changed) but you should know that fanfiction might present him differently. Random fanfic Regulus is not the canon Regulus you despise.

Jegulus fans who despise Snape for his actions in canon aren't being very fair. He joined the Death Eaters and then he ended up working against the Dark Lord, just as Regulus did. Yes, he spent years bullying Harry, but do you honestly think Regulus wouldn't have behaved similarly if he had been in a similar position? If Regulus had been in love with Lily, and James and his brother and their friends were constantly making fun of him, and then Lily died after marrying someone he hated, do you think Regulus would have treated the godson of his estranged brother who betrayed Lily, the identical-to-James son of his enemy, with fairness or kindness? Regulus was canonically also not a nice person at all - was literally a Voldemort fanboy, and Snape wasn't even confirmed to be that much - and in fanon he's often characterized as this petty little shit. So do you think Regulus wouldn't have been awful to Harry as well?

Adding on to that, people call Snape toxic and creepy for being "obsessed with Lily" (he loved her because she was a bright spot in his awful life, platonic or romantic. Obsessed? Maybe <- My hot take), but when Regulus does it with James, it's sexy?

"Stop romanticizing Death Eaters" if it's not your cup of tea, don't read. I think these characters are just that, characters, and fanon stuff means you can do whatever you want with them! You can rewrite someone's entire story and personality if you want (ex: THOSE Dark Harry fics, a number of Dramione fics).

my personal opinions:

Jily and Jegulus are both super fun ships. Love 'em equally, though I'd say currently I'm leaning toward Jily.

I love Jegulily. I think it's really fun and has a lot of potential :0

I'm alr with Snape bashing and no Snape bashing (it's not that deep gang, same for Peter 'cause honestly it's kinda silly how people try to sub-in other characters as the 4th Marauder. Peter existed y'all.)

I think the Black sisters deserve more attention :0

Yes sometimes the characters are ooc in fics!! What to do when you see this and don't like it is click the back button!!

I don't have a problem with Remadora, but I prefer Wolfstar :)

I don't believe in canon casanova of gryffindor tower; I think it's cute in fanon though<3

endnotes/tldr since I wrote a whole essay:

ship and let ship. every (non-proship) ship is valid. this is what fanon's for.

let people hc and do what they want omg pls stop throwing hands over little things

have your opinions they're valid! just don't try to force them on others!!

feel free to argue with me in notes if you want; just be respectful please! I'm down to hear others' opinions; you might change my mind on stuff!!

might add more if I missed anything! I just thought it was lowkey important to put my opinion out here.

[spitblaze]

Tumblr fucking sucks ass and I'm not joking. I think I might hate this place actually. I hate the shitty circular queer discourse that ALWAYS assumes malice or disgust and nobody is given the benefit of the doubt and if they do are also presumed guilty, I hate that every single statement needs to be couched in qualifiers and conditions and speaking on One Topic about One Group is not fucking allowed, I hate that this website has built a transphobic surveillance culture around itself, I hate that people will see ONE POST that sucks and spend the next several months publicly ruminating over it and extending the discourse long after it's run its course and assuming the worst about everyone involved, I hate that seven out of ten posts about feminism are made by the terfs who run rampant on this site and have nothing better to do than spew vitriol and hate because they don't care to develop the emotional maturity to see anything from a point of view other than their own, I hate that the moment a transgender person dares to have sexual wants and desires outside of the vanilla ideal you’re a freak and a deviant and a pedophile somehow, I hate that for SO LONG we let depressed anti-recovery teenagers dominate the attitude regarding mental health and self-improvement here and it has had lasting effects TO THIS DAY, I hate that as the internet has gotten meaner and crueller and less accommodating that the place that loves to pat itself on the back for its openness and tolerance has 100000% followed suit, I hate that every single fucking topic is dominated by overconfident white shutins who do not talk to other people irl let alone queer ones, I hate how every interesting and important topic of social justice is co-opted and bastardized into an unrecognizable cudgel that only further enforces the status quo rather than challenging it as they're meant to, I hate how often the gender binary is re-invented and deviations from it are punished, I hate that we love to say shit like 'be cringe be free uwu' but the second a member of the cringe queers du jour makes something twee or says something stupid everyone jumps on the dogpile to talk about how that entire group should be prevented from speaking or making art or associating with REAL queers, I hate that making points about double standards and discrimination always involves using people we should be in solidarity with as a gotcha if not throwing them directly under the bus, I hate that for all the talk about engagement with fandom we have nobody ever decides to actually examine their engagement thereof and how so much of it is still a cesspool to this day, I hate how everyone makes such huge generalizations and expects everyone to agree (guilty but I'm pissed), I hate how people take fucking everything personally (including myself), I hate that people are going to read this and get mad at me because everyone here has worse reading comprehension than the average fifth grader, I hate that people cannot self-express without other people getting indignant because they didn't see themselves in it, I hate that the only other regularly inhabited parts of the internet anymore are fifty times worse about ALL of this, I hate how much of a fucking nightmare for my mental health this has become, I hate that people are probably gonna give me sarcastic or smug 'yeah you should probably just log off king's in the comments or to me personally, I hate how much of this I personally am guilty of, and I especially hate that I'm still fucking here.

[jmscornerlibrary]

Set Me Free - a Loki x OC fanfiction - Chapter One

~~~*~*~*~~~

Hello :) I'm Jmw. So, I'm re-writing an old fanfiction of mine, and will be posting the chapters accordingly. There will be angst, fluff, and no smut, though it may get very slightly spicy at times (no gross details, or explicit content, I promise). However, since this deals with some heavy topics like madness and torture, I am going to rate this an 18 so people with a fragile heart can avoid being traumatised.

This is a Loki/OC, childhood-friends (sort of) to enemies to lovers. Thor will be her, so will Tony Stark. This is before Avengers and after Thor: Dark World, but it does have the Avengers. The chronology may vary from the line of events slightly.

I'll try and update as quickly as I can, anyway... here's the first chapter.

Ah, and this is just a story - there is only one God and he wants the best for you :)

Enjoy!

~~~*~*~*~~~

Chapter One - In which Loki is mistaken for one who cares.

Vengeance crumbles the soul. It sways foundations, cracks backbones. It topples tenderness in the heart and reduces honesty to a brittle sculpture which eventually shatters as it's blown through by the ice of disappointment; it adorns feelings with masks woven of intricate plans of deceit and manipulation. 

And so Loki Laufeyson’s heart became hard like black ice, which ensnared all the raw and red and beating within it, and turned him into a being of darkness, with black crystals cutting through the blood in his veins, shrouding his chest in armour of indifference, flooding his intestines with acid and clenching his jaw, tight.

Could one see this turmoil and hidden fury in his eyes? Yes and no. His eyes became devoid of warmth and seemed like two pristine spheres - beautiful spheres, blue like jotun skin - set there merely as a tool for deceit and treachery, instead of being a window to his soul, and the turmoil he hid well enough for nobody to notice.

Loki often scoffed at that little fanciful statement. Who in their right mind saw the soul through the eyes, like through windows? When he observed other people’s eyes he saw nothing but twitching matter, something which required an irritating amount of protection on the battlefield, two frustratingly weak little points which simultaneously provided something as valuable and immense as vision. What fool wrote that statement, he wondered, then decided whatever state of intoxication that moron was in when he decided to pick up a quill and play being a poet must have been an incredibly deep one.

Or so Loki rambled on, monologuing internally to drown out the real reason why he scoffed so at a statement so true: if eyes were the window to his soul, then he feared what it was that other people - people who possessed this uncanny ability of seeing soul through the eyes, something which he had trouble with since forever - may see when they looked at his own.

It was a wonder he wasn’t spat at more often, if so many people could see the soul through the eyes. Or perhaps it was why he was spat at so often, be it with words, brutal weapons or projectiles of saliva.

But now, Loki Laufeyson did not care, for his heart was no better than deadened flesh. His heart was encased in black crystals, thoughts of revenge burned in his mind and branded his heart with something hot and seething.

Asgard was never his! Not for one accursed moment!

Loki looked up at the dimming sky and wished with every piece of his heart that he could set it on fire and watch it burn. It looked far too peaceful for him to be content with. The stars even had the audacity to wink at him - actually wink at him! As though he was just little Loki throwing a tantrum in the middle of Central Park, not the king of Asgard who was slowly descending into madness of his own accord!

Loki stared back at the millions of serene lights, looking at him from above. Or were they looking at him? Perhaps he was only thinking that their teeth-sucking was directed at him. In fact, it must have been only him - the great, omniscient stars couldn't care less about the current king of Asgard or about his miserable business.

Like Odin. Loki laughed. Odin couldn’t care less either. He must have had as much fun as those damned stars, watching Loki grow up and fight with Thor about who would be king. Oh, he must have had quite the giggle as they sparred, as they sent scholar after scholar tearing their hair and nanny after nanny running off in tears at their unfathomable characters, knowing full well which perfect son would be the final victor.

Loki clenched his fists until he heard his knuckles cracking and snapping. It had been one thousand years. It had been more than one thousand years. He had believed, for more than one thousand years, that he had been viewed as an equal, as a competitor. But no. All along, he had been a pawn. A tool. A little political reservation!

He gave a few notes of black, harsh-sounding laughter which almost made the grass wither. He had lived in his brother's shadow for so long, holding onto an illusion that somewhere, beneath all these brewing thoughts and schemes he would, one day, make his shot at being worthy and reach the crown with the tips of his fingers.

But this crown had been plucked out of his reach. It wouldn’t have been so bad if Loki had simply reached out to take it. But Loki hadn’t simply reached out to take it - he had crawled, he had pulled himself forward through fields of broken glass and metal, he had torn at the solid ground and grit and dust with his teeth in the darkness of his brother’s huge silhouette, just so that he could move along with a pace which wasn’t pitiful to the ones whom he valued. And when he been just about to grasp it, grasp this chance, shoot this shot… Odin had plucked the crown from him and placed it on Thor’s head. And Thor hadn’t been battered. Thor hadn’t had a single bruise, a single scratch upon him, from his journey to the crown. Thor hadn’t crawled forward on his knees through thorns and sharp, jagged rocks. Thor had been ridden towards the crown in a carriage, reclining with his feet on the opposite seat with everything he needed at his elbow, leaving Loki to be run over and stamped over by the horses which pulled it.

But now, Loki had a plan. One so intricate and subtle, nobody would notice his justified intentions. He would destroy the very place he came from, the very place which posed threat and show Odin that it was he, Loki Laufeyson, the lesser son, who accomplished something even the great Thor Odinson couldn’t do. If Odin wanted him to play at being worthy, so be it. He’d do it his own way. Jotunheim was going to be wiped off the face of the planet, and his father would perhaps finally grace him with-

Loki realised where his train of thought was going, then the shadows in his face darkened as he snarled.

“He’s not my father,” he spat at a nearby tree, sending it cowering and twitching as it ought to when he glared at it, internally shame-faced at some hidden longing of being acknowledged by the Allfather. Loki didn’t need to be acknowledged. He was the god of chaos and he could do everything the god of thunder could, more, for he wasn’t an oaf who had to threaten the scholars so that Odin would receive word that he did, indeed, pass all of his tests which involved more subtlety and intelligence than swinging Mjolnir around his thick head did.

Loki didn’t quite delve into the reason as to why he escaped to Midgard for the day, well, evening. He hated mortals. They were stupid and weak. And yet Asgard was too much, today - this morning Loki had awoken with something horrible and burning stumbling up and down his spine and leaking into his thoughts. He needed to get away, get away from this personal Hel he was walking into… and he supposed there was an element of curiosity too, as to what his brother would now be doing in a place which wasn’t even worthy to uphold one of his boots.

The distant hum of machinery never ceased, even if there was nothing but trees for quite some distance around him, and it only made his thoughts blacker as he gritted his teeth. Perhaps he ought to have chosen a different location to revel in his bitterness than this suffocating park. Even the trees and foliage growing around sparsely looked as though they were artificial.

Then, someone spoke.

“Hello?”

Loki disregarded this voice and presence, a small thought of his weighing more than whatever life coursed through this impertinent mortal’s veins. 

He looked up at the darkening sky and returned his thoughts to this poisoned cup life served him, which he was forced to drink from and watch as his veins became black, as his mouth started to froth and ice began to spread through his insides, hurting him, cutting him, spiking him.

Ice. Ha, ha! Of course, Loki forgot! Ice wouldn’t hurt him. No, because Loki was never Odinson in the first place; he was Laufeyson! He was a blue-skinned bastard! He was a jotun-!

“Excuse me.”

Loki made a sound similar to a growl and whipped around. If this mortal knew who he was, it would be grovelling on its papery little knees for forgiveness for interrupting his inner monologue. But Loki would not be forgiving. Oh, no. Quite frankly, he had enough of everything which spoke and had eyes, and if he was going to officially become an outcast, he was going to put his whole blackened soul into it. He’d had enough of being trodden on by others.

It was dark, but light enough for shapes to be distinguishable in the evening, and Loki had sharp eyes. When he focused them on this pathetic little shape, his murderous intentions lessened a little, because he had set them upon a child. A small child. Small enough not to be able to survive with a mother’s hand to hold, and yet it was here, with no other presence around, looking up at him as though he was a potential mother. 

It sniffed. Hah, it was crying; its lip was trembling! Disgusting.

“Sorry… Have you seen a man here anywhere?” it said, its voice torn but still strangely polite for a creature so small. Loki hated its sound as soon as it spoke, for it had that unclear quality which came from very recently learning how to speak which grated on his already-tender nerves.

“No,” he replied curtly, then flicked his head to the side for it to move on. But it didn’t seem to take the hint, merely stared up at him with the two, huge eyes in its head shining. Loki couldn’t quite tell, but he thought they were grey. A strange colour. Perhaps young mortal offspring had different eyes to Asgardian children.

When a few moments had passed and still it stood there, Loki began to grow irritated. Perhaps he ought to shoo it away like some meandering cattle. Did it not get the hint? Was it stupid?

He turned back to stare at it and it shifted, bowing its head and clenching its hands at its small chest. 

“I’m lost,” it said, sniffing, tears spilling down its small face.

Loki chuckled emptily at its words. He was lost too, though he had a place to call home - a place which he now officially ruled over, actually - and he felt it, cold and empty in this soul which people could see through the eyes and he kept somewhere in his chest. In his chest… It must be the reason why it felt so cold recently. 

“Sad, isn’t it,” he said to it, folding his hands behind his back. “Quite a tragedy.”

He observed the creature with distaste. It was undoubtedly female. In the last slivers of light, Loki could make out black hair curling to its chin and rather clear features, as though they belonged to an artist’s paintbrush.

He sighed. “Why don’t you do us both a favour and go and find your mother, hm?”

The mortal child wiped its face and gave a resigned sigh. 

“My mother is dead.”

Loki blinked. “Oh.”

He shifted from foot to foot, felt a spike of sympathy, then grew immediately irritated for giving a fraction of a damn, and they grew even more irritated because his moment of dark contemplation of his existence was utterly ruined and now he was going to have to work himself up again to produce it.

“What makes you think I’m going to help you?” he snapped, then really did shoo it away like a stray cat. “Be on your way! Shoo! Off you go! Get going!”

But it stood its ground and did nothing but stare at him. Loki’s fingers twitched. Was it dim-witted? Was it moronic? Pathetic, stupid creature! Did it not see he was incensed?

“Away!” He raised his voice. “I have nothing for you!”

He snarled, baring his teeth. Scare it off, that should do it.

But it didn’t look scared, though it did obediently take a few steps back warily, as though he was a mad man, which only made his fingers tighten and his temper flame, but then there was a rustle to their left; it jumped, its grey eyes widening, then stumbled forward again, out of the shadows of the bushes.

It looked so small in this dark, cold setting of dusk, slight, insignificant compared to the looming trees. It looked as lost as it said it was. But it could not help itself, no matter how hard it tried. He still had a way out. Theoretically, anyway.

Loki gritted his teeth and clenched his fist and muttered some black curses under his breath which he would have never repeated anywhere near his mother for he would have gotten walloped like a swine being butchered.

“Right, fine,” he said airily. “Stay here and bother me, if it makes you feel better.” He waved his hand at it, then turned his back on it. He chuckled, then lowered his voice. “If only you knew who I was. You’d be running for the hills as fast as your little legs could carry you.”

He had been speaking mainly to himself, but its silly voice sounded again and, he had to give it the credit, it made the corners of his lips turn up.

“I know who you are.”

Loki gave a scoffing laugh, then tittered. “Oh, yes. Of course you do.”

“I do,” it insisted.

“I’m sure you do,” he turned towards it, but not completely, for it did not deserve his full attention, and immediately grew irritated at himself for giving it so much attention when he had came to Midgard for a lack of it. “After all, you’re all big and grown up. Grown up enough to navigate this extensive stretch of land.” He encompassed the dismal park with a gesture. “In fact, why don’t you go and explore it?”

He looked at its eyes, then suppressed a shiver. They shouldn’t have belonged to a creature so small and insignificant. They were solemn and knowing, like his mother’s often were whenever he had an outburst; like they had seen just as much as his had.

“Go on,” he mouthed to it, making a pointer with his hand, turning his eyes towards any other features but its observational tools. “Off you go.”

It fixed his eyes onto his and said, “You are Loki Laufeyson, the king of Asgard.”

Loki halted in his tracks, feeling something cold in his veins, his airy smile melting off his face and being replaced by cold astonishment.

“What?” he whispered, his voice sharp as a knife. “What did you just call me?”

Its small brows met, but it fulfilled his request. “I said you are Loki Laufey-”

He reached it in a flash and clamped his hand upon the lower part of its face. He felt his chest heaving up and down with searing rage and he could have sworn that his hand was now tinged with an accursed hue of blue in the dim light.

“Silence,” he hissed, as it struggled under his grasp. “Or I’ll make sure you’ll never speak again.”

It clutched his hand and pushed it down, its eyes wide. “Cold!” it whimpered, clutching at its face. “You’re cold, you’re so cold!”

Loki retracted his hand, something unravelling in his chest as he watched it rub its face and its lips trembling.

“I-” He made a motion with his hand, as though he could brush away his outburst with the material of his pants, then scowled and straightened, severing his guilt and caging himself. “Who are you? How do you know who I am?”

There was no disguise upon it. It wasn’t an illusion. If it was, he would have distorted it with his touch, or his hand would have passed right through it. What was this? This was a mortal child who knew his name! It knew his heritage! Nobody knew of his true heritage but Odin and Frigga!

He took a few steps back, his hands instinctively reaching for his daggers; he whipped them out and brandished them, the metal gleaming cruelly in the fading light. 

“Listen, witch, or whatever you are…” He brought the dagger up to its snub nose and watched it furrow its brows and frown at him. “... either you tell me who you are and what your plan is, or I’m going to be the living evidence of exactly why you shouldn’t talk to strangers.”

It was silent. 

“Speak!” he yelled, losing his temper. “Who sent you? Are you a spy?”

The mortal child blinked up at him. It seemed not to understand that it could be skinned like a hare if he only wished for it, looking at the gleaming blades with interest instead; looking up at him as though he was the young one frolicking, here!

Loki felt a pang of embarrassment, then lowered the tip of his blade. He was threatening a being which had probably just learned how to walk of its own accord. It didn’t understand him. 

He sheathed his daggers and straightened, his blood still roaring in his ears and his chest heaving, and he stared down at it, waiting for it to make the next move.

Its gaze travelled to his hands, to his eyes, then it blinked and began to pull its pink, fluffy sleeves down to grab their ends.

“My name is Henrietta Knott.” It managed to engulf its hands in sleeve, flapped them, then sighed and swallowed. “I turn six in half a year. My parents died in a fire when I was… two.”

Loki clenched his fists. It was one thing loathing the man who raised him and not having a father at all. Or a mother. Perhaps he would have died if Odin hadn’t taken him in.

“I live with my uncle,” it continued. “We went for a walk, and then he disappeared.”

Loki frowned. “He disappeared.”

It nodded and when it spoke next its voice was trembling again. “I turned around and he wasn’t there anymore.”

With that, fresh tears began to spill down its cheeks and it stood there, crying, not even bothering to wipe its face. It looked truly pitiable, this shivering form in a pink fluffy coat and yellow, waterproof boots which were far too big for it.

Loki wasn’t proud to admit it, not even to himself, but at that moment he had never felt more helpless, as irritation, spite, anger and pity sloshed against one another in his chest. His fingers twitched behind his back as he held them there and he tried to come up with something to contribute to the situation with.

“I won’t help you,” he finally said, more to clarify this to himself than to inform the sobbing thing of his lack of heart.

“You will,” it insisted, sniffing. “You will help me.”

“You heard me, child.”

“You will.” It stopped crying now, swallowing and wiping its face. “Even if you are a bad man. You wouldn’t really hurt a child. Not knowingly.”

Loki opened his mouth, then gave a snort of disbelief. The audacity of this creature! What was that even supposed to mean? What in the Allfather’s name was all this?

“I beg your pardon?”

It gave a shaky sigh, then regained control over itself. “Your heart is horrible. You have killed people through ignorance. Through boredom.”

Loki listened with his mind blank to the words tumbling from this five-year-old’s tongue and wondered how it knew what ignorance meant.

“Look at your hands,” it said pointedly. “They’re awful, aren’t they?”

Loki looked at them obediently, stunned out of his senses, something which never happened. He was the one who frazzled people’s senses; and here was this practically a new-born in comparison to him, telling him of his sins while he blundered!

He felt his nostrils flaring and lowered his hands with some force, his face stretching into something perhaps an opponent would find threatening, but this child only looked at him curiously with a strange solemn glimmer in its eyes as it watched him.

“Look at your hands,” it repeated, then pointed at them and flapped its own.

Loki tore his scouring gaze from it and looked down at his hands once more. He turned them over, running his vision over their creases, their details, their length. Nothing.

After a few moments, he shook his head slowly and cast a questioning look back at the child.

“I admit that I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said flatly. “What am I meant to be seeing?”

“They drip with black,” the child pronounced. “Black which doesn’t belong to you.”

“Explain yourself.”

“It’s blood.” It nodded when his expression became blank. “Of the people you’ve hurt. Killed.”

He gave a harsh laugh to mask the strange quiver of his heart, fear seeping through his bones. 

“Blood is red,” he said cuttingly. “You’ve missed that part of your homework, little creature. Now, you ought to go home and do it before some equally evil man comes to find you and hurts you.”

It shivered, then took a few steps forward; closer to him.

“If you killed by accident, the blood would be red.”

Loki felt a strange urge to push it away with his foot as the child took hold of his coat, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. Hadn’t he threatened it a moment ago? And yet it was clinging to him like he was safe, for all the apparent black dripping from his hands. If it hadn’t said what she had a few moments ago, Loki would have been certain it had a few cogs missing beneath the soft and black of its hair.

“Some drops are red. Some you did not intend to die. But most are black, and so you are bad.” It looked up at him, as though for confirmation. “People who kill to achieve a… a selfish goal are evil. Aren’t they?”

Loki of Asgard made another motion with his hands, as though wiping them clean, then snorted at himself and folded them behind his back again. 

He said nothing, but it was still staring at him. Plus, who was he to destroy the moral compass of a being who didn’t see him as king, he thought half-heartedly.

“Yes,” he replied softly, feeling oddly hollow and helpless. “They are evil.”

It observed him for a little while longer, then shrugged its small shoulders. “You will wash it off in years to come.”

Loki felt a pang of… something, in his chest. Something hopeful. “Really.”

“Really.” It nodded. “People pay with bad deeds with pain. That’s what Uncle said once, to Mister Anderson.”

It sighed, then looked back up at him from the daisies they were standing on, pity in its eyes. “I’m sorry you will get hurt.”

Loki would have perhaps felt his temper spike violently again, transforming from his restlessness at this statement, but it was quelled by the action of the child taking hold of his fingers.

“Don’t look so angry,” Henrietta Knott whispered. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Loki looked down at their hands. Hers was small and pink and very soft, as she held his pale forefinger and thumb, hard and toughened with scars in comparison. Something tugged at his heart; he sighed, then moved his hand so that it held hers. It felt good. Good and strange, because Henrietta looked astonishingly content with him doing so. 

Loki’s hands were renowned for doing great and terrible things - wielding daggers, casting spells, being tools which expertly aided him with his ploys and weaving his lies - but using them to guide and reassure was certainly not one of them.

“I don’t want to get hurt either,” he admitted, again, more to himself than to the small thing pressed to his right leg.

“I know,” she replied, then looked up at him. “Can you take me home?”

Loki, the being with no conscience and a black soul raised an eyebrow at this proposal. “Do you really want me to hold your hand all the way?” he mocked. “Don’t you fear the black blood dripping on your pretty little coat and fingers?”

She laughed at him, as though he had said something particularly funny. She had a rich, gurgling laugh that even his bitterness and black ice had some trouble withstanding. 

“Oh, you are silly.”

Loki frowned. Silly didn’t belong to his repertoire of things he would like to be called, especially not by beings who could barely talk. “I beg your pardon?”

“My fingers won’t be dirty.” She smiled. “I haven’t hurt anybody.”

“Not yet,” he said through gritted teeth. “Just wait until you’re older.”

Henrietta looked up at him and stopped laughing, looking too solemn for her age as her grey eyes widened. “Will I hurt people when I’m older?” 

Loki had absolutely no idea. For a moment, he thought about toying with her as she had unwittingly done with his feelings since he’d met her, but he was holding her hand, it was delicate and soft like a chick  and he’d be damned if anything happened to it while he was around.

“Oh, don’t worry. Everybody does,” he said as a throwaway comment as they started to walk. “In fact, I daresay you will break hearts like dinner plates when a table is turned over, with those eyes of yours.”

“Oh.”

She seemed crestfallen. Loki observed her with raised eyebrows as she sighed then as she said, “Then I will never grow up.”

A corner of his lips twitched. “No?” 

“No,” she replied. “You know, in this book there was a boy who never grew up. He could fly. He flew to listen to this really nice girl read stories to her brothers about him, then flew back to his magical home in a land that was quite far away.”

“Indeed?”

“M-hm,” she hummed, stepping alongside him through the trees. “I won’t grow up either. A lot of grown-ups aren’t nice. So I will stay like this, hopefully. And won’t grow up.”

Loki bowed his head, wishing for a moment that he didn’t grow up either. 

“Don’t,” he said softly, then fell silent as she did. 

It was autumn, October. Leaves had fallen off the trees, jumping to their death and lay piled around them, skittering across the rich grass and carpeting the dirt paths. Though it was night, it was still pleasant enough for the creature beside him not to shiver. Loki didn’t shiver; he was an accursed jotun.

They hadn’t walked very far when Henrietta stopped.

“Oh, look!”

“What is it?” he snapped, for he had just begun to sink into dark thought and she’d disturbed his wallowing for the third time in the space of fifteen minutes.

“Floating leaves.” She bent over to look at whatever it was she was fascinated with. “There’s a puddle under there.”

“So-?”

Before he could pull her on, she slid her hand out of his and jumped straight into this puddle, splashing, squealing with laughter. Loki watched flabbergasted, trying to understand how jumping in a pooling of downpour and getting her clothes wet was a form of amusement, before the muddy water landed a few inches short of his shoes. He took an instant step back. 

“What are you doing?!” He pulled her away from the water. “You crazy being. Ah, you-!”

She had kicked the puddle and stained the bottom of his pants with mud. He gave a disdainful scowl, dried them with a flash of green light, then glared down at her. 

“Right! That’s it. I’m leaving you to the wolves. You can go and find your uncle and if you get consumed as a form of light supper, it serves you right.”

He finished scowling, then raised his hands in question, because she was staring at him in awe.

“What was that?!” she cried, stamping in delight. “Do that again!”

His brows furrowed. “Do what?”

She clapped her hands and made a sound like a mute frog being trod on, miming an explosion with her hands.  “This!”

He frowned, then realised. 

“Oh.” He snapped his fingers. “This?”

Zing. The green light danced up and down his form, lighting up the darkness with brilliance, and lifted his hair a little. Henrietta Knott jumped up and down, clapping, stamping, looking completely delighted, her little teeth glinting.

“Again! Again! Again!”

“Have you never seen magic before?” he asked incredulously, his heart thumping strangely, almost afraid of the amazement he saw in her eyes. “It’s not a rare sight.”

She gasped. “Was that magic?” 

“What else would it be?” he said, then outstretched a hand and flashes of light sparked on its surface. “It is magic. My magic.”

“It's…!” She searched for words, pressing her little hands to her face in exaltation. “It’s magnificent!”

And then Loki laughed, straight from the bottom of his heart, something swelling his lungs so that he actually felt as though he was breathing, his mouth stretched so wide it made his face ache. She thought he was magnificent! She thought he was great! Loki wasn’t a madman! He was being complimented! Within moments, he had cast away all of his kingly dignity. He crouched down, disappeared with emerald flashes, reappeared in different places with a bang whilst Henrietta Knott turned round and round with feverish pleasure, squealing, gasping, clapping accordingly.

“Got you,” he hissed as he appeared behind her, apparently an evil wizard. “Found you! Now, I will cart you off to prison, to my jail. You will never be able to get out-!”

He made the mistake of crouching down when appearing. Henrietta gave a delighted yell of excitement and threw herself into his arms. They toppled over onto a pile of leaves, destroying it. Loki landed on his back, slightly winded.

“No,” he gasped when he got his breath back, remembering what function he currently fulfilled. “None of that. Get off me.”

But she didn’t. She climbed right on top of him and sat down on his chest, patting his face.

“You won’t lock me into prison now,” she chuckled. “I’m a dragon. I’ve got you instead.”

He looked up at this improbable dragon sitting on his chest and lowered his hands. He didn’t remember the last time he could speak this level of nonsense without having to watch eyes being rolled.

“No, you’re not.” He sighed, folding his hands on top of his stomach, then looked at her with almost fond resignation. “You’re a silly little girl, sitting on top of the god of mischief because he allowed you to do so.”

He pulled a face, raising his eyebrows for emphasis. 

“As soon as I am up, I will lock you into a-” he disappeared in a green flash and reappeared behind her, scooping her up, “-dungeon. And no prince, king, nor warrior will ever be able to… to… to rescue…”

He froze, because Henrietta Knott threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tight, still giggling. She didn’t move from that position, nuzzling into the soft of his robes beneath his armour, wriggling to get comfortable against him.

Loki had to swallow several times as he stood there dumbfounded, thoroughly convinced he was sick, because why in all nine realms did he have tears in his eyes? He was a trickster, he wielded daggers, he sowed chaos for his own amusement, he cut off heads and stabbed and slashed and killed. His heart was hard and dead, and yet it hurt, hurt as the small thing plastered to his chest and neck embraced him as though he was a hero.

“No, little girl,” he murmured, when he recollected himself. “Little girls do not hug evil men with… dripping hands and…”

He searched for words. “And horrible souls behind the eye.”

She looked at him, beamed, then kissed him on the cheek.

“I like you, Loki of Asgard.”

Loki abandoned reason. “Oh, hush,” he muttered, his voice cracking, then hugged her back carefully, smoothing her hair as she rested her little head on his shoulder.

He resumed the walk, placing each foot slowly and deftly so that he wouldn’t stumble, so that her yawns would quieten. Within moments, her breathing had regulated and she was completely still.

Loki was glad; sleeping prevented her from seeing the two trails his tears left behind upon his face. If she felt his chest moving up and down from quiet sobs, sobs which had been caged in his chest for years without him knowing, he didn’t know.

“You like me. You like me, do you?” he breathed, when he had walked a few minutes, feeling his soul through that small weight on his chest and shoulder. “A very unwise decision. A very foolish one, sweetheart.”

She stirred in her sleep, mumbling. Loki could have sworn it was a protest, and he smiled, sniffing and swallowing back the lump in his throat.

“If you say so, Henrietta Knott” he whispered, patting her back gently. “Whatever makes you happy.”

Five steps later, he paused and listened, frowning. A voice had echoed through the park. It was a male voice, a cry. Loki knew what a desperate cry sounded like, and that was what he had heard. 

It came again. “Hattie! Oh, Odin… Henrietta!”

Loki didn’t want to shout, for that meant Hattie would wake up, but the cries came again, desperation came again, and so he stopped and replied.

“Here!” he called, feeling the pet stiffen on his shoulder as he startled her awake. “I have her!”

The voice stopped, then sounded again, though with less dismay and lined with hope. “Where?! Where?!”

Loki thought, then snapped his fingers. “The green light!”

The man to whom the voice belonged rushed into the clearing when the green stream of light cleared. He was tall, well built, his arms and chest the ones of a warrior, grey hair hung to his chin and a wild beard was braided down his loosely-clad chest.

“Oh, thank Odin!” he cried, then approached him with haste. “Thank you, Sir, thank you!”

He pulled up short the same moment Henrietta turned and slid out of Loki’s arms, close enough for his features to be observed. His nose was hooked and an intricate, crimson tattoo snaked from his cheek to the left of his forehead.

“My lord,” he managed to utter, before Hattie plastered herself to him with joyful cries of, “Uncle, Uncle!”

“Uncle indeed,” Loki said coldly, sadly realising his arms felt strangely empty. “What uncle forsakes their five-year-old niece at a time like this? In a place like this? Do you realise what could have happened to her, lest she had not come across me?”

He felt his hands clenching, though by all rights he shouldn’t have cared at all. “I hear this happens again, and I’ll personally ensure you’re skewered!”

The man dropped to one knee and bowed his head, though he did not seem afraid. 

“Forgive me, my lord,” he said, then looked up and picked up Henrietta. “Thank Odin she was with you. I thank you for your efforts in delivering her to me. I fear to think what would have happened if you hadn’t found her.”

Loki scoured the man with his gaze, then he nodded in recognition. “It’s you,” he said. “Dauneren Haldanson.”

He gave a single chuckle, watching Henrietta as she slid from his arms and yawned sleepily.

“The banished. The foul. The traitor.”

The man bowed his head again, though he didn’t take his eyes off Hattie as she began to explore the vicinity. “The one who led the jotuns into Asgard, two-hundred years ago.” He smiled sadly. “My word remains the same. I had nothing to do with the incident. The assassination was pulled off as though I had a hand in it, but… well. I didn’t have a hand in it, not that time.”

His eyes flicked to him. “You know as the god of lies, my lord, that I am speaking the truth.”

“You wouldn’t be speaking so freely if you were not,” he replied, glad his tears had dried off and he wasn’t red in the face any longer, then smiled. “But, as they say… who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. Or at least faces torture by sharp objects.”

Haldanson grimaced. “It is so. You make a lot of enemies as an assassin, as unlikely as it may seem.”

“Hah,” Loki laughed, then trained his gaze on Hattie, who had run off to jump in another puddle of water. Haldanson followed his gaze and chuckled.

“I do apologise for any strange things she may have told you, my lord. She is gifted with talents many would kill to possess, but… you know, being only five, she has little idea about tact.”

They watched her, these two treacherous men both fully capable of murder, as Hattie squealed in the puddles, ran up to a tree in which curious squirrels observed her, the creatures probably wondering whether they had found a lost brethren in the dead of night.

“You can imagine what a fright she has given some people, my liege, recounting their darkest sins before their very eyes.” Haldanson scratched his beard and chuckled. “You know, she asks me about mine at least five times daily.”

Loki gave him half a smile. “Must be an interesting life.”

“Oh, very much so. Quite an ordeal. You can’t reason with her, she simply knows better than you.”

Loki felt an odd sort of pride at that statement, even though he had only known this little girl for about half an hour. Haldanson called Hattie over when she attempted to climb the tree to tame the squirrel - she pouted but came, seeing her attempt was futile, then took Haldanson’s hand. Loki wondered whether she could see any black on his hands, as Haldanson was no angel.

“I can,” she replied, making him start. “But Uncle’s hands are less black than yours. He’s already paid. Almost paid. His don’t drip anymore, but yours do.”

Haldanson frowned and looked slightly uncomfortable, but Loki raised his eyebrows and grinned, impressed.

“She can read thoughts?”

“Only if she wants to.” Haldanson scratched his beard again. “I reckon she’ll stop wanting when she grows a little older and begins to understand some of the things she sees. She needs to learn control. The hardest one there is… Don’t you, Hattie?”

Hattie nodded sweetly, twirling around in her yellow boots and pink, fluffy coat, looking at Loki with round, grey eyes.

“Will you walk me to school tomorrow, Loki of Asgard?”

Haldanson spluttered at her outrightness, astonished. 

“Now, Hattie,” he managed after a few seconds, “the prince of Asgard is very busy and has much more important things to do than walking little girls to school.”

Hattie pursed her lips. “Loki is the king of Asgard, Uncle.”

Haldanson looked perplexed, glanced at Loki, who looked back coolly, then when he gave no countering statement, his eyes widened and he bowed a little frantically with a hand on his breast.

“Well, I had no idea,” he managed. “Last time I was in Asgard you were a prince, my Lord-”

“But can he walk me to school?” Henrietta tugged on her uncle’s sleeve impatiently. “I don’t like Doris, she smells of cat and doesn’t like me, and you’re always very busy, uncle, and-”

“It’s alright,” Loki said, looking down at her with a smile - so many smiles in such a short space of time which weren’t a mask, an admirable record. “I will consider.”

“Oh, fantastic!” Hattie laughed and clapped her hands and beamed at him, making his chest swell and want to scoop her up and press her to his chest again. “I would love to look at your sparks again!”

Loki laughed and shook his head. “And I thought she was a simple mortal creature.”

“She is from Asgard, like you, my king,” Haldanson bowed his head, still looking slightly nervous. “And far too sure of herself for her own safety. Well. We’ll be off home. It’s getting late. It was an honour to meet you, my lord.”

Loki inclined his head as Haldanson bowed, then raised a finger as he urged Hattie to do the same.

“No,” he said, motioning for her to stand. “She doesn’t need to bow to me.”

Hattie laughed as Haldanson nodded weakly, then she sprang forward and clasped him. 

“Goodbye, Loki of Asgard. I can’t wait to see you again.”

“I will come,” he promised, bending down. “If not tomorrow, then after that.”

He wouldn’t need to be told twice. Not even once. Not when she was staring up at him as though she was really glad to see him, as though he had the power to turn her day into something bright and warm with his cold, jotun hands which could only destroy and consume.

“Good,” she said, then reached up to hold his cheeks. “Good, good, good.”

He gently took her hands away before he had any strange spells again, swallowing. “Off you go, now.”

“Okay.” She patted his cheek, then flew back to her uncle and grabbed his hand. Haldanson nodded in reply to Loki’s look, bowed again for good measure, then picked Hattie up and turned.

Loki watched them disappear into the dark, raising a hand in farewell when Henrietta waved at him.

He stood there long in the dark, looking up at the sky.

Your hands are black. It’s blood. Of the people you’ve hurt.

Loki lifted his hands up to his face, squinting, but of course, he couldn’t see anything amiss. There were quite a few white scars running over his flesh from battle and feuds, but other than that they were as pale and slender as ever.

“Don’t be a fool,” he muttered, letting them drop. “It’s just a childish fancy.”

This childish fancy, however, left an impact upon him that only the next few years could tear from his soul, because it was only when Loki was back in Asgard, in his own empty, royal chambers did he realise that he was clutching the material of his clothes just above his heart, where Henrietta had slept, with a strange obstinacy and longing.

He sank down onto his bed with a sigh, trying to remember what it had felt like to hold someone who trusted him and… liked him. Not because they had to, but because they chose to.

But he was in too deep. He had set things in motion with Thor’s banishment to Midgard which he couldn’t undo, and had to give up hoping for warmth and succumb back to the cold he couldn’t survive without.

And he knew not that in a span of time insignificant to someone of his lifespan, he would become a traitor, that he would fall of Bifrost bridge upon realising that there was no place for him in Asgard, running from shame and Odin’s - his once-father’s - indifferent face, who watched him fall without blinking. That he would become unrecognisably twisted, that he would suffer agony beyond his imagination, that he would lose the trust of the one being who he treasured beyond all.

Though, what happened following that was something he wouldn’t have expected from any pages fate had written for him and if you asked him, he would have looked you in the eyes and solemnly replied that he was undeserving of a moment of it.

~~~*~*~*~~~

That's the first chapter! As always, feedback is appreciated!

[bloopitynoot]

Shadowgast Corporate/Office-Au Rec List!

Hello I'm back again with more disaster wizard (well and in this case working professional but more office-like setting) recommendations!

This list is a little bit more bawdy than normal (I love a good smut fic, but I also try to vary the ratings on these lists for those who may not share my enthusiasm).

If you want to see my other shadowgast rec lists- they are linked at the end of this post. ANYWAYS- let's get into it!

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1 As per my last email

As per my last email (11651 words) by LivThael (I don't think they are on Tumblr- if they do please comment so I can tag- but they have a twitter listed in the notes of the fic) Chapters: 11/11 Rating: Explicit Summary: Essek Thelyss is an asshole with a questionable taste in spreadsheets. Caleb Widogast has more important and certainly more interesting things to do than filing travel expense claims. A series of mails turns into a escalating meeting. Or: Please stop writing me emails, I genuinely hate you. - Explicit content only in chapter 10.

What I loved: Anyone who has worked in an office knows a passive aggressive email when they get one. Plus we have the added bonus of having to deal with accounting to get expenses covered- ugh, so good. The energy of these passive aggressive- yet flirty workplace emails between new hire Caleb and kind-of-an-asshole Essek in accounting is *chefs kiss*. The build up to their meeting was written so well! I also really love the way the fic is formatted- the email style gives it an immersive feel.

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2 Paradigm Shift

Paradigm Shift (114,291 words) by full_time_dreamer_behold (I don't know their tumblr, please totally feel free to tag if they have one- i'll add it). Chapters: 28/28 Rating: Teen and up Audiences Summary: Recently moved to Rosohna, Caleb accepts a job at a prestigious law firm, but the work turns out to be menial and dull. Thankfully, his life takes a turn when he makes new friends and starts taking a curious interest in the IT Manager- the handsome and intriguing Essek Thelyss. Could he be reason enough for Caleb to stay in this place? He certainly intends to find out.

A friends-to-idiots-to-lovers slow burn with a sweet ending.

What I loved: This was such a lovely slow burn. It covers hard topics in a corporate kind of setting including racism, nepotism, and power dynamics that really suck but it handled with care and well written. I also really love the disability representation here! This slow burn is so so good, I super recommend! Also bonus it's the length of a beefy novel!

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3 the golden thread around your neck whispered visions of my undoing

the golden thread around your neck whispered visions of my undoing (172812 words) by MarsBar2019 (If you know Mars' tumblr please comment and I will tag- I couldn' find it in the notes). Chapters: 38/? Rating: Explicit Summary: Caleb Widogast does not belong here. The world of sharp suits, board meetings, and billion dollar budgets is a far cry from Caleb’s preferred domain: the research lab. Where nobody cares about his faded T-shirts and raggedy jeans. But a year of industry experience will look good on his CV, and the hefty pay bump wouldn’t hurt either. How hard could a secretary gig be? What he finds behind the glittering edifice of Auriga, Wildemount’s leading name in arcane technology, is CEO Essek Thelyss, who maintains his domain with an acid tongue and an iron fist. It’s difficult not to find him intriguing, this handsome, guarded, brilliant man. It’s even more difficult not to want to please him. Caleb knows to keep it professional, though. Working late nights together at the office and lingering glances here and there don’t cross the boundaries of propriety. That is, until they do.

Or: the one where Essek Thelyss loses focus and has a consensual workplace relationship.

Updates weekly on Mondays.

E-rated chapters: Ch. 4, 9, 13, 14, 17, 18, 22-23, 26, 32, 38

Why I love it: Out of all the recs this one is the SPICIEST (and I love that). Head the warnings - there may be stuff that isn't for you, but if you, like me, enjoy a 6/5 spicy level fic- congrats this one will not disappoint. This story is in progress but updates weekly which is fantastic. We have big time and hot mess CEO Essek and his personal assistant disaster bisexual Caleb- of course it's an HR scandal waiting to happen, but also, Essek might come out a better person for it. I cannot recommend this enough, this fic is so so good. In addition to the smut, it's also just a really fantastic story.

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4 sleep, with benefits

sleep, with benefits (62272 words) by KmacKatie @kmackatie Chapters: 12/12 Rating: Explicit Summary: Caleb Widogast wakes up from the first good night of sleep in far too long. It takes him a moment to realise it's because he's not in his bed. Is it the better mattress (lump-free and like a cloud), or the fact he drunkenly slept with Essek Thelyss, the colleague he's been secretly crushing on for the last six months?

Why I loved it: Let me just start off by saying kmackatie is brilliant and everything shadowgast that katie writes makes my heart sing. In this fic Essek and Caleb are captured so well- they are both big idiots who act like scared cats around one another (even though they both want the same thing) but honestly- can there be any other dynamic? This hot mess of them not using their words eventually leads to the best of endings and you should all read it because it is so lovely.

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BONUS FIC: (high school teachers, less corporate feel, but not what I would throw on a professor or academia list so its a bonus for this one).

5 all this science i don't understand

all this science i don't understand (8858 words) by mllekurtz @mllekurtz Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Mature Summary: Caleb knew how he was with crushes, he was aware that historically they’ve brought him nothing but trouble, and vowed that he wasn’t going to develop one on his new colleague. This resolution lasted a remarkable twenty-four hours. * Small-town high school science teacher Caleb Widogast has his life more or less figured out, or so he thinks. Then an unexpected variable gets thrown into the equation in the form of the new addition to the teaching staff: the handsome and clever Essek Thelyss.

Why I loved it: This fic was so sweet. I have a soft spot for fics that play with chronology in their story telling and this one does a bit of that. It is a shorter read but honestly that works really well for this love story. Caleb of course falls hard and fast and Essek does not mind at all. Some angst, but they are written so well and so soft, Brilliant <;3

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My Other Shadowgast Rec lists:

Shadowgast fics that made me ugly cry

Shadowgast Space Opera-AU list

Shadowgast Bakery/Coffee/Tea Shop-AUs

As usual I devour all fics shadowgast so if there is a rec list you want to read that is tried and true- dm me or leave a comment. I always prefer to use my librarian degree for chaotic neutral purposes so hmu.

[I am totally thinking about doing a Professor/Researcher OR College-AU OR Time is a Weird Soup list next but we shall see!]

[bomberqueen17]

whelm

ok so i survived both turkey processing days and all the shenanigans in between, and have made it back to buffalo. I was so tired after driving home I briefly forgot how to use a flush toilet-- not the flushing part, but I just stood there in the bathroom confounded at the notion of all the steps I was going to have to go through in order to answer this call of nature, and genuinely lost a few minutes of time in several scattered interludes at various points in the process to just not knowing how to proceed. I mean like you have to remove clothing and things, you have to sit on the thing, you have to-- do something, which sometimes largely happens on its own but sometimes you do have to like, apply effort, or at least stop applying an effort you may not even have realized you were applying-- you have to then attend to some things-- it's a lot of steps and I fully zoned out between each one, and really had to concentrate to do them in order. it was an ordeal.

Ridiculous.

i'm just gonna put in a cut because this is semi-incoherent bitching.

yet again, my older sister last-minute swapped our Family Togetherness Holiday, too late for me to also change my plans, so the whole family got together yesterday, except me, who had already promised to spend the holiday with Dude's mom (who OFFERED us an out, and like an IDIOT i BELIEVED that the plans my family had made would be honored THIS TIME, lucy won't pull the football away again!!! so I said no, and she made all her plans and I could not back out). I kicked up a whole fuss about this in the group chat when it was first revealed because this has happened every time that we were supposed to have Christmas together for the last SEVEN YEARS, and everyone told me to shut up because I wasn't being excluded on purpose so it didn't count, and so I tried to send friendly messages yesterday so I wouldn't feel so excluded, and really got no responses, because nobody cared that I wasn't there, so I'm feeling real shitty about that. I'm not entitled to be upset, see, since nobody meant for it to happen, but it's what happens every time. And unfortunately by the end of the whole discussion I wasn't feeling very giving, so when my sister said "we'll just have to make our plans for next year", I wrote back "we had made our plans for this year, will it be any different???" and haven't had any response. It will be different, because I just won't ever make any other plans, and so will be able to just "roll with it", which is what my sister wanted, but since we're talking distances of up to 700 miles for me, my deadline for "rolling with it" is a great deal less flexible than hers. but this is all my fault, I guess. I'm not entitled to be upset, see. So I won't be. Whatever.

It sucks and I'm mad. And Mom's mad at me because I made a fuss, and if I'd been quiet about it then nobody would have had to acknowledge any feelings, but don't worry, nobody has really acknowledged any feelings at all so I guess it doesn't matter, I just get to feel guilty for being a Problem.

(The rest of us will get together for Christmas. Older sister, with her three kids, was supposed to come. The last three times when this happened, we scrambled and made alternate plans. But I'm just not free. Which I'll get to. SO there's no alternative really offered. She declined the space I'd had open for her, and I just don't have another one, so it's me not wanting to see my family, I guess, and I don't get to be upset.)

Anyway.

Dude and I had all the windows replaced in our house in October, and contracted with the same company to have our kitchen redone, and when we signed that contract in like April I think (I no longer remember, it was maybe in the summer) they told us the work would happen in probably February.

Last week they emailed and said they could begin now. November 29th.

I have made no plans for this, have begun no arrangements, have not begun to consider where the things that live in my kitchen will be stored for the six-week duration of the work. We knew we were going to bring the cat over to Dude's mom's, but we had not yet worked out our own logistics, because like, it was going to happen in February. We had time. I could get through the end of the farm season, Dude could get through some travel he has to do for work in early December, we could regroup, and then we could start making a plan. We still have to buy a dishwasher, apparently. And lighting fixtures, those aren't included (Dude thought they were but I asked which ones he'd picked out, if they are, and he was like well I didn't, and I didn't either, so there is NO WAY they're installing light fixtures if we never picked any out, they made us pick the color of the grout for the tiles and the hinges for the cabinets and shit they're not just going to pick any old light fixture and go with it!), and there are all kinds of little things we haven't even started to imagine and there is no time, we have to pack everything into boxes right now.

Dude's mom will be away for Christmas, starting next week. So what will happen is we'll bring the cat over, and then a few days later, after we bring her to the airport, we'll just go over and stay in her house. This is incredibly convenient. It's less than a quarter mile from our house, so we can easily stop by and check on the work and make sure everything is in order, lock and unlock doors as needed, so on and so forth. The work won't be done by the time she comes back, but there's enough room in her house that we can still stay there if it drags on. So this is all fine.

But in the midst of this, we will travel to my mom's house for Christmas, and that's already sort of asking a lot (we'll have to board the cat, and then nobody will be there to check on the contractors; I expect they'll take some days off, but we'll have to communicate with them about it.)

I simply can't also travel to Baltimore in the midst of this, which is what my sister had offered as the make-up event for Christmas. (Since her family was blowing their holiday travel allotment on the biannual Let's Just Do Thanksgiving Instead event, which always excludes me, by sheer coincidence, and it's like, you know, I don't have to ascribe this to malice, it just is an undeniable example that you don't give a fuck whether I"m there or not or you would not every single time take the option that excludes me? Nobody will acknowledge this. I'm being oversensitive, and also making trouble.)

I'm really considering for next year just going on a fucking cruise with Dude, if nobody cares whether I'm there or not. But it won't matter, and it will really only hurt my feelings, when it turns out that nobody misses me if I don't turn up anyway.

But I don't have time to really worry about that, because I have to take everything out of this kitchen where I've been cooking for eighteen years, and find a place for it elsewhere in this 800-square-foot house, and make sure it's somewhere I'll be able to find it again in case I need it during the expected six weeks (and we all know these projects always run over) that I'll be kitchenless.

Anyway. Hope everyone had a lovely turkey holiday. I, sick of turkey, was happy enough to eat ham. The three of us had quiet conversation and caught up on things. I don't know if or when I'll see my niece and nephews, this coming year, but I know it will have to be at my own initiative if I want it to happen, and even then I need to be prepared for it to get last-minute cancelled.

I miss my dad a lot, he would have at least answered my texts.

[jyndor]

I'm not gonna punch left ever. like yes do I have both strategic and ideological disagreements with some leftists? yeah obviously since leftist infighting and disagreement is the feature not the bug.

I'm still not saying I'm voting for kamala but I do think she will be a better opponent than trump. I believe in strategic voting so tbh if your district is a swing district, if you are in a swing state, I think voting democratic is smart because they are at least able to be beaten into some concessions from the left when we are organized. one big issue is the liberals who see any criticism as support for the republicans, and they're gonna be annoying as hell but I do think more people are aware that the democrats suck now than they did during the obama years.

that said, it is totally understandable for people in the global south to be hostile to any us president. and it is reasonable for them to hate us for anything we do politically because all these freaks have done material harm to millions of people globally. so I'm not offended as a white queer us american woman that a third world maoist might hate that I am considering voting for kamala harris. it's cool, they're not wrong to be angry with us americans' selfish politics.

and at this same time imo there is no real path forward for a third party candidate in the us. and it's deeply frustrating to me that so many amazing activists use their time and resources on what is to me a herculean task, running for president as a third party candidate and not even for a party like the greens which has name recognition. I'd rather they focus on local politics and even statewide politics, where they have more of a chance. I also don't think they're wreckers though, I just don't agree with their strategies. and they can call me a liberal or whatever for saying that, that's fine whatever lol I'm not going to punch leftists doing important work.

it is one thing to disagree on strategy, even on ideology and politics. but to assume that they are not genuine in their politics... it's just gross and dismissive. you do not know what you're talking about. I don't love the PSL for a few different reasons but I respect the activism they do, and I'm not gonna disrespect leftist activists doing far more than I ever will, even if I don't agree with everything they do.

tumblr is full of white liberals who might in fact have access to financial resources that many others do not have, and that's important for us to understand because it does impact how we view politics. it does. it's so easy for you vote blue folks to call ANYONE who criticizes democrats bots or russian ops or whatever. it does you no favors politically. you do not want to negatively polarize potential allies by constantly treating them like they've got ulterior motives for not supporting the democratic party.

but most people who for instance supported the uncommitted campaign and who were working to get biden out of the race all these months are likely doing so because we WANT to vote against trump. not that everyone in the free palestine movement is a democratic voter or even is in favor of electoralism, but a lot are in the states. so... it's weird to me that liberals treated us like ignorant wreckers who don't care about abortion or queer rights or voting rights etc, or somehow PALESTINIAN RIGHTS LMFAO I mean I'm trying to stay nice and call these libs racist cunts for speaking down to voters of color in particular but that's what it is.

do you really think the people who are the most tapped into politics are not going to vote??? really???? some won't but most will. especially those in swing districts. do you think that someone like me, who has been politically active since I was TWELVE, does not understand the utility of voting???

as always, your job is not going to be speaking down to people so politically engaged that they are threatening to WITHHOLD THEIR VOTES BECAUSE OF FOREIGN POLICY. IN THE UNITED STATES OF NOBODY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT FOREIGN POLICY. they're doing the work you should have been doing this whole time. you will have to sit with your complacency at some point.

your job is going to be getting off your ass and convincing everyone you know who is not registered to vote because they don't care about politics or don't like politics or whatever that they need to be invested in our political system.

bad news: you will not do that by shaming them for being ignorant or apathetic.

good news: a lot of people are very easy to get on board with shit like rent caps (which biden was just talking about the other day, 5% caps on rent federally! that's amazing and would help so many people - we should pressure kamala to adopt that policy) and reproductive justice. a lot of apathetic people care about this shit, they just don't know how it impacts them or where to start engaging with this shit.

do not pull the smug liberal shit, do not speak down to them, meet them where they are at! ask them about the things that they are bothered about, things like potholes and shit. that matters to people. get them registered, drive them to the polls. you will do more good than shouting at lefties on tumblr dot com. otherwise you're just preaching to the choir.

[rinaerat]

Even as someone who identifies as a trans woman, it sometimes surprises me how many of us there are. Like, with trans men, it's very easy to understand why that would be appealing. Being raised as a woman sucks, being a woman means being seen as inherently inferior. Saying, "fuck this, I'm not a woman, and you can't force me to be one" makes perfect sense.

Of course, I also understand why so many people coercively assigned female choose to remain that way. It's easier to be what society wants you to be, even if that role is one of disadvantages and dehumanization. And of course, even though i firmly believe nobody has any inherent predisposition towards assigned gender roles, social conditioning works, even when you don't want it to. That's what makes the binary gender system work.

Cis men are simplest of all. For them, the easiest path is also the most socially rewarding. It's no mystery why men choose to remain men.

But trans women are an exception, one that can't be easily explained by rational self interest. Most trans women I've met have described their time living as a facsimile of a boy have told me that they were acutely aware of the way women are treated worse than men, in a way their male peers often weren't. I certainly know this was the case for me, I felt immense shame and disgust whenever I noticed myself being treated by boys as if I was one of them, like we were both in an exclusive club that made us better. It's similar to being a white person who hasn't let themselves slip into blissful ignorance. You feel a disgust with your peers, especially from the fact that it's so clear that they don't care, that they either don't acknowledge the unjust privilege they hold, or if they do, seem to be shockingly unbothered by it.

There's a big difference between maleness and whiteness though, while they are both socially constructed categories, white privilege asks nothing of you, you will be treated better than your non white counterparts by default, no matter how you present. Maleness though requires a level of buy in, and if you don't buy into it, if you visibly deviate from what a "man" is supposed to be, you will lose that privilege, and not only that, you'll become something worse in the eyes of society than a man or a woman, a faggot. A third gender that exists as a threat. If male privilege is the carrot, being seen as a faggot is the stick. It's an incredibly efficient system. People raised as men will either slot into their cushy roles easily, or they will struggle. And if they struggle, the stick is there to beat them back in line, to punish them for showing any amount of human decency.

In that sense, being transfeminine is an act of dissent. By embracing the femininity that is used as a threat, it undermines everything the patriarchy insists is inherent. And it's shockingly easy to shed your masculinity. Sure, we may be called men, but only once they think it will hurt us. They don't see us as men, we're unworthy of such a title.

And while being a trans woman opens you up to the nastiest violence the patriarchy has at its disposable. But at least for me, I take great satisfaction in spitting on the manhood I was offered, treating it as the vile, cruel thing it really is. To choose womanhood, even when everything in this world will punish me for it, proves that being woman is valuable, even when it isn't treated as such.

Living as a woman has made my life better, it's made me happier, it's made me a better person. The hollow cruelty of cis masculinity could never compare, and it's so freeing to find happiness in the one thing we're warned most not to be, because it means they don't have anything left to hold over us but petty violence.

[diakaoniii]

— yuma mukami

TW: Sexual abuse

“Ah…Hah”

After he had finally freed himself from you, you were gasping for air while nakedly laying on your back on the enormous, plush bed. You didn't like it at all. All you felt was pain and fear.

Why...

Why is he treating you like this? Why does he touch your body without your consent?

This had nothing to do with love.

It didn't matter how many times you challenged him, he always came out on top. The whole of your body, including your face, was covered with bruises.

Would passing away relieve you of this agony for good?

You were so worn out that you were unable to even open your eyes. You just lay there. You attempted to dislodge Yuma from your grasp by pressing your small hands against his strong chest and pushing him away from you.

He frowned at this gesture and spoke in an angry tone;

“Oi, sow. What the hell are ya doing!? Do you want more wound and bruise on your body? It's not a problem for me!”

You let out a painful moan as he gave you a smack that was so forceful that it caused the inside corner of your lips to bleed. You were certain that you were going to have a bruise on your face after the incident. You moaned in pain as you tenderly put a shaky palm to your face, and you did so while shaking slightly.

You were sobbing not because of physical pain but rather because of emotional anguish.

When did the guy who you previously loved become such an entirely different person? The changes to him brought to your attention, but you chose to disregard them.

After all, he was a vampire.

A vampire would be very protective of the person he cared about, even to the point of taking lives for his woman.

Especially in the event that the woman that he loves is a human being.

He is jealous of even his brothers.

One day, he punched Kou till his face was covered with blood to suck your blood.

Didn't it upset him to see his own brother covered in blood?

Since then, he has undergone an important shift in behavior for you. He used to want you to help him in the garden, but now he forbids you to even step out of his room Every time you try to go out this room, all you get is a few bruises and broken bones…

You gently opened your eyes and made a sound like you were attempting to speak. You were so exhausted that it was difficult to even to speak right now.

You forced yourself to plead in a low, tired voice.

“Yuma-Kun... I'm sorry if I made you angry; that was not my intention. I simply can't get over how weary I am, and the pain in my thigh is becoming worse. Let me get some rest, please—”

He clamped his hand firmly around your hair and yanked you closer to him;

“What, ya believe I care about anything or something I care about, sow? I will not stop until I am satisfied. Moreover—”

He put his free arm around your waist while one hand grasped your hair securely and stroked your body in a slow with lust. He buried his head in your delicate neck and spoke those words in a raspy voice that would send shivers down your spine.

“I want to have children. Tonight, I'll make sure you're pregnant. I don't care whether y'a want it or not; y'a will give birth to my baby.”

After he finished speaking, he released his hold on your hair and let you drop into the bed. You were terrified; you didn't want that. Your eyes were filled with tears, and your whole body was shaking. You forgot about how weary you were because of the unadulterated terror that you felt.

This is not the guy you allowed yourself to fall in love with.

“No, Y-yuma-Kun… *sob* P-please d-on't do it to me— *sob* I-I am not r-ready t-to be a m-mother yet.”

Crying was the only thing you were capable of doing at that moment because you were too weak to stop him.

“No...”

“It is now too late, sow… Nobody asked you if you were ready.”

When his members nudged you into womanhood, your cries of desperation became louder.