#i want to complain i don't want to be doxxed thanks.

[supercantaloupe]

nah instagram keeps recommending an acct to me whose entire shtick is that our very catholic college is not catholic enough, with such delightful posts as "genuinely comparing being pro choice to racism" and "the secularists are trying to destroy religion on campus by cancelling a guest speaker"

[hxrukii]

❝I couldn't help myself! It was just begging for the personal touch!❞

╭・๑ 𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲︰ʚ Some of NRC student with a Rarity!Reader, part 2.‧₊˚✦

‧₊˚↷ 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫(𝐬)┊❝ Leona Kingscholar, Idia Shroud. ❞ ⸜⸜*

↷︰ʚ 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞 ‧₊˚✦ Reader is female and is implied to be Yuu. Once again anon, I'm so so sorry for misreading your request, I think I need to get my eyes checked :') Vil and Lilia are in part 1!

╰・𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠(𝐬) ‧₊˚꒰ Spoiler for book 6. ɞ‧✦

Leona first thoughts were: great, another Schoenheit.

Was actually annoyed with Rarity!Reader's presence alone.

Once he started to get to know Rarity!Reader better though, he was pleasantly surprised to find out that she was way less annoying than Vil.

Suddenly isn't that cold towards Rarity!Reader anymore.

Wouldn't be that impressed by Rarity!Reader's ability to find gems, that man probably sees gems 24/7 back home.

Would be impressed by Rarity!Reader's skill in telekinesis though. But couldn't be bothered to ask questions or even tips. Just know that he's impressed.

If Rarity!Reader makes him clothes that are specifically for him?? And they are comfortable?? She really is less annoying than Vil.

Would start to appreciate Rarity!Reader more.

Will even support Rarity!Reader's career, though he would never say it out loud. Just know that he's supportive.

Want to open a shop? Sure he's got money to spare anyway. Ah, but don't tell Ruggie, or he'll start complaining and Leona will never hear the end of it.

Will get cocky if Rarity!Reader ever ask him to try on clothes she made for him.

Whenever Rarity!Reader is stressed, Leona would just pull her by her waist and force her to sleep u til she's calmed down. Will be annoyed if she tries to escape.

Likes to annoy Rarity!Reader's cat whenever he can. Which is rarely since well... he's lazy.

When he's not in the mood to mess with the cat though, would probably have a conversation with her. Yes, he understands her. But don't point it out though, he will be annoyed.

"Heh, you're not half bad. Better than that guy from Pomefiore anyway."

Great, another Vil pt. 2, but instead it's "Oh no, another Vil."

There's just something about people who are into fashion that somehow scares Idia for some reason.

Tried his best to stay as far away from Rarity!Reader as possible.

Until after his overblot where he learned that hey, Rarity!Reader much nicer and way less strict than Vil!

Immediate relief. But getting this introverted otaku to open up is quite hard, especially when he panics every times he sees Rarity!Reader.

But with a little help from Ortho, and the magic of cats, he finally opened up. All thanks to Rarity!Reader's cat... and Grim. Idia doens't regret anything, he hopes.

Whenever Rarity!Reader would offer him any kind of clothing to try, his hair will start turning pink at the tips.

And if Rarity!Reader would even make him clothes specifically made for him, that are inspired by his favorite game/anime character, his hair will go bright pink and he might even fate if it were not for Ortho.

Won't be much help if Rarity!Reader ever wanted to open her own shop, the least he could do is help with the security... and maybe actually be there in person on opening day, maybe.

Will leave as soon as the store is actually opened and people start coming in though.

The only time you actually see him will be when the store closes. Only then will he actually try to congratulate Rarity!Reader, the chance of him actually succeeding in congratulating her will depend on how flustered he gets though.

Ortho might need to speak in his stead, much to Idia's dismay. At least his tired.

At least Rarity!Reader shop will have great security all thanks to Idia.

Probably will dox whoever tries to spread false information about Rarity!Reader and her designs etc...

"Y-you what me to try this on?! N-no way! Huh? It was made specifically for me...? Then... I guess I could. But don't expect for it too actually look good on me!"

꒰ ◁ ꒱┊❝Back to Leona, Idia's Masterlist❞

[v-anrouge]

This is a queued post and it includes talks about transphobia and mentions of self harm and eating disorders

Im here to talk and announce a break, first thing's first j relapsed, in literally like everything sh ed and didn't try to kill myself is because of a few people and the fact my pills ended. For a very long time in this blog u have not been feeling like human, it's like most of you don't even actually like and just come talk to me when im being funny and fun or when i post something rook related that you like, ive really been trying to get rid of that feeling but it keeps on coming back and it's unbearable to be in this blog at this point. this situation with Shiba only really confirmed it for me, I saw about like 4 mutuals referring to this as drama, and complaining about seeing it on dash and while obviously you have all the rights to be displeased with a constant show of negativity in your dash, i beg of you to try and think how i, a trans man, must feel seeing you refer to me and other mutuals calling out transphobia and have to read you refer to this as drama and not as a literal crime. I understand if you got annoyed by me talking about it constantly and to that i ask that you please block me, because i have been literally beaten, bullied, harassed and even doxxed by transphobes, I do not take anything that displays even a bit of prejudice against my trans siblings lightly, hence why i was so "histerical and obsessed" and was being so "stupid and acting like an idiot" as someone people would claim. I do not care what view you have of me i really don't, im used to this shit, ive been trans and alive in the most transphobic country for 20 years, it's no news, but it still hurts. And it hurts even more when I see someone say i was an idiot for blocking someone immediately and calling them out when they side with a transphobe, and it hurts even more when I see a person i thought liked me complain about "drama still going on" rest assured that i won't be "bitching" about it any longer

For soru, who cant possibly process why i have blocked you, your take on that situation and your friend have both brought me terrible flashbacks of my own past as a child dealing with transphobia, of being told people like me are sick and are the seeds of the devil and that we are animals or that there's something wrong with us, like your friend said, their apology is both not genuine and extremely poorly made as they still can't accept the fact that yes, they are transphobic, and you soru, can't imagine how it broke my soul to see your post saying you had given them a chance, but seeing the post you made after, in which you literally agree with your mother you should've stayed away from trans people, that's what broke me the most, and j couldn't even speak about it, because it's "too negative" or im "drama chasing" im sick of this, you can hate and insult me all you want soru rest assured you're not the only one you're not the first nor the last one, maybe this will come off as a surprise to the people that are sure im obsessed with drama and chasing people around but i genuinely did have a lot of respect for you, if the hours ive spent crying over this say anything at all, it's sad that this had to end this way, but not for me, I don't care, this isn't the first or the last time this happens to me, but to my mutuals who i am very sure many are angry that i have made this situation happen, perhaps i should've stayed quiet and keep being funny as people like me best, well it is too late, but i hope that you'll forgive me mutuals, for once again ruining something good.

I don't know how long this break will last or if ill ever even return to this account at all, but i sincerely thank the ones that did treat me like a human, as an equal, that actually saw the person behind v-anrouge. you can't possibly believe how much you mean to me

That's about it, do have a great day

[gwyns]

Elain : canon that she doesn’t like violence

E/riel’s : aesthetic, fanart and headcanons of her dressed in Illyrian leathers, or wielding a sword, or covered in blood, or is secretly a spy for the Night Court.

I saw someone say that Elain would clean the blood off of Azriel after he comes home from a mission. Or that they want a scene in the next ACOTAR book of Azriel beating someone up, covered in blood, and Elain bites her lip and is like “that’s hot” ?? It’s canon that she doesn’t like violence. Didn’t she vomit after the battle in ACOWAR? And her being a spy doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t fit her character in canon. Wouldn’t we have got something of that in Az’s bonus chapter if she was training to be a spy or if she had spy like qualities?

If SJM holds a live stream interview where questions are allowed, I lowkey want someone to ask her if she’s ever thought about making Elain a spy or how she feels about blood and violence. Idk if SJM would say anything but *shrugs shoulders*

E/riel’s complain that Gwynriel’s put down Elain for being feminine, for her love of baking and gardening, but I’ve seen countless fanart of Elain as a warrior/spy and headcanons of Elain liking violence/blood. Not to say there aren’t some Gwynriel’s who’ve said that (I personally haven’t seen any) but it seems like E/riel’s are the ones reaching. Making their view of Elain different from canon.

why do they think elain would be ok around blood like that? even feyre, someone who has seen proper battle and killed people, doesn't like it. feyre doesn't like being around torture either but somehow elain would?? hey e/riels... BE REAL, please, for one second

and like??? elain would never, ever, in a million, BILLION years find az beating someone up "hot". not when she practically begged her sisters to leave graysen alone. hell, sjm has never really done that in general, clearly she doesn't like it either lmfao

oh god please i would love for sjm to shut down their little spy theories. anyone remember a couple of years ago how they were so confident that e/riel would be a sleeping beauty retelling but then in an interview sjm said she doesn't like that movie or even let her son watch it and suddenly they pivoted to something else?? i have never laughed so hard

ok let's look at this way: if elain has to change so much, literally a complete overhaul of her canon character, to fit with az... why wouldn't sjm just write a new, more well suited character? that'd be less of a headache... oh but wait! she did!! miss gwyneth berdara would like a word. for a fandom that claims to love and respect elain when others don't, they sure do try to turn her into someone else and then project that onto gwyn stans, claiming we're self inserting and wanting her to be elain when i have never, not once, seen a gwyn stan want gwyn to be any different

i have unfortunately seen some weird and toxic gwynriels but weird and toxic e/riels far out number them. oh and for the record, i've never seen or heard of gwynriels stealing art, doxing people, harassing sjm's irl friends and publisher, faking cancer, or telling sjm they'd harm her child if they didn't get their way so... really it's like comparing apples to oranges

anyway (most) e/riels suck and gwynriels, alongside eluciens, are literally the glue that holds this fandom together. i love you all even if this fandom is a cesspit most of the time, thank you for making this a fun space <3

[pebblysand]

Heyyyy im dying for an update on castles!! Any hope of getting one soon?😭💗

hi anon! thanks for your message! the tl;dr answer to this is: no.

or, i don't know. maybe? sigh. it's just been a lot lately.

it's a funny one, you know? most of you will not remember this, but there used to be a time when i would share (maybe overshare - is that a word? i've always wondered why that is a word when it's your platform and your rules and people can just choose to ignore you) on tumblr. not just about fics and writing and peaky blinders, but also about me. the stuff i felt. the stuff that was going on in my life. lots of things.

i grew up in an era of blogging and livejournal (seeing dreamwidth make a comeback lately is oh-so-bizarre, btw) where people opened up online - sometimes too much. this was before doxxing, before cancel culture, before it became dangerous to do so. people would complain about their jobs, their mates - the internet was an outlet. and, i don't know if it was better or worse, i'm not here to make value judgements and i've always thought people who say "things were better in my day" sound like absolute twats, but it was undoubtedly different. i've had this conversation with someone on discord lately, about the dreamwidth comeback actually, when this person said: 'people get real personal on there, though' and i was like: 'yeah, i suppose it's just the culture of the place.' a place where, unlike tumblr and everything that came after it, most of the content produced was through words, rather than images. when the internet was still made for writers and you weren't afraid of "clogging" someone's dash with posts that were too long to be digested in less than ten seconds.

the thing is: i like writing. it makes it easier to organise thoughts. and, up to 2020 (2021, even) i used to post monthly updates on my writing, but also about my life, for you. remember how i told you when i passed my bar exam? how i quit my job, found another job, and then another one. i told you about the boy and hinted at my break-up. i told you about how one of my best friends sank into a very toxic relationship, from which i couldn't save her. i told you when my dad died. it wasn't even that long ago. and, i explained to you that for these reasons, and maybe others, i didn't have a chapter out as early as i would have liked. and, you understood. you were kept up with what was going on. it was the pandemic and a different time.

but then, gradually (oh-so-quickly and oh-so-slowly), "you" became "many." i like that word - "many" - it's what my hairdresser said the first time she cut my hair: "they are very fine, but there are very, very, many of them." i suppose that between the first chapter of castles and the latest, my follower count grew into the hundreds and i got - well, scared. scared to share: what i thought, why i wasn't posting, how much or how little i was writing, how i was feeling. because there were too many of you. because i started to hold myself up to higher standards, too.

the truth is that no one wants to listen to anyone on the internet complain. it's not fun. and, specifically, no one wants to listen to fanfiction writers complain. why would they? why would they moan about how busy they are? about how creatively drained they might be? about how maintaining a healthy balance between real life, a job, and writing, is hard, if you do it seriously. because it's a hobby. because it's not "real" writing. because it doesn't matter.

well, anon, i'll tell you something. the voice in my head, it goes like this: why are you tired? it's just fanfiction. stop taking yourself and your little stupid story so seriously. stop thinking this is Important because you're writing about something you feel is important. no one cares. and: you only wrote 80,000 words last year, people write full-blown nanos in a month, calm down. it's not that bad, you don't have children. it's not that bad, you don't have dying parents. it's not that bad, you have money. you're a white cis privileged girl who can afford to spend her free time on writing because you don't have to work multiple paying jobs to foot the bills. so many people do. people who are much busier than you write a lot more than you do. shut up, what are you crying about? why are you responding to this poor anon with anything other than "soon, i hope." they weren't even mean about it.

and, i like the word "many" because it encompasses the realness of it, the repetition of it. many, many, many. it's less theoretical than "a lot". you can't say: a lot, a lot, a lot. it's morning as i write this, irish drizzle blown in by the wind against my window, thin droplets like static and i wonder: could i isolate thirty thousand? count up to thirty thousand little drops of rain against glass and imagine what that would look like as people. that's a small stadium, isn't it? and, it's also almost how many people have clicked on castles, in the past three years. it's also how many people, in my head, are telling me to just suck it up and write the next chapter. it's been a month already, hasn't it?

to tell you the truth, i still overshare with some people. there's a very small discord i'm on which is more like a group chat with my best internet friends. it's a lot of fun. and, i'm not going to tag them here for fear that you might come at them with pitchforks, but after i was explaining this to them, how exhausted and drained and lost i've been feeling lately, i had some, last week, tell me i should just give up castles. just stop, recharge, take care of myself. it's just a fic, it doesn't matter. let it go, you know?

so, yeah. you read that right, anon dearest. people who i really love, and trust, told me i should put your beloved on an indefinite hiatus and move on with my life. how's that for an update? and, they didn't say it in a "this is a bad fic and it's not worth continuing" kind of way, but in a "it's not worth working yourself into the ground" kind of way. in a "fanfiction is a hobby" kind of way.

i typically count years from september to august (i'm still in school, in my head, sue me) and this past one has been long and hard. for reasons that i won't explain because of the "very many" issue i mentioned above. for reasons that i also won't explain because as i also mentioned above, i can't help but always compare myself to people who have it worse. but, the fact of the matter is that whilst i'm not really asking for sympathy, i do want to say this, as i hope it will help provide a bit of context to how i'm feeling right now, in terms of writing.

anon dearest, i'm exhausted. i'm bored. i'm turning thirty in 24 days. i'm sick and tired of putting everything in my life on hold "until i finish castles". i would estimate that right now (and for the past three years) castles has eaten up about 75% of my free time. i think the first couple years, i didn't really mind. because it was the pandemic. because there wasn't much else i wanted to do. but now, when i see my friends, i try to schedule it on weekday evenings because i want to keep my weekends for writing. when i travel at the weekends, take holidays, do anything that will take me more than a couple hours, it's a compromise made against writing time. a compromise i often feel guilty about because it delays the next update and because ultimately, it delays the moment when i do finish castles. when i am able to move on to something else. move on with my life and also maybe another story of my own.

these past few months, i wrote almost every day from late march until last week because i knew i'd be going home to france in august and wouldn't be able to write there, so i needed to get ahead. everything in my life is planned around writing and updating and i'm a little bit burnt out, anon. it's typical summer me, nothing to really worry about, i felt the same last year (those who were already here will remember) but it doesn't make it suck less. and, that's why people are telling me to give up. because i keep getting stuck in this cycle of overworking myself, getting burnt out, taking a month off and diving back in again. it's fanfiction and it's a hobby and it's meant to be fun and it's just not fun anymore. it feels endless and draining and like a vampire eating my "good" years. time my mates are spending getting married and having children. and, even if i don't think that's what i want for myself, precisely, i still don't feel like the life i'm currently living is one i want to be living in five years' time.

i don't want to be exhausted. i don't want to be working all the time. this groundhog day of getting up, opening up my (work, or personal) laptop, deliveroo-ing my meals, working until 9:30 pm, and repeat. i have seven chapters left to go to the end, which will take 12 to 18 months, and i don't think i can go on like this for another year. i don't want to. something's gotta give: my IRL life, my job, or this "hobby", and it is logical (oh-so-logical) that it should be the latter.

and, yet. when my pocket friends suggested this, i came at them with pitchforks. i said: no. no, no, no, no. i can't give up. i don't want to give up. i love this story. it's unnerving and draining and exhausting, but haven't touched it for a week and i already miss it - it's crazy. and, it's true: it's not fun, but writing, to me, has never been "fun". it's: fulfilling, exhilarating, meaningful, it gives me the chills and a sense of peace but it's not "fun". i don't know who the fuck writes for "fun". you can enjoy things that aren't "fun", you know? i definitely do.

and, if i had to pick one thing to give up on that list, honestly, it would be my job - 100%. i'd finish castles in six months, if i could give that up. but, i can't, lovely anon. because fanfic doesn't pay. because writing doesn't pay. and whilst i do have a savings account that i intend to use someday to take time off to write, i don't think i could justify using it for anything other than original fiction. because at least, there would be a tiny bit of hope that the book might get picked up and i could make my money back. i can't, like, quit my job to write fanfiction, can i? even if i did set up a patreon, i doubt you all would want to fund me, lol.

so, i don't know. i don't know what to do, anon. i don't want to give up castles. realistically, i probably won't. realistically, i'm probably going to keep ploughing through and overworking myself and feeling like i'm throwing my youth and my free time away into this project that everyone will most likely forget the moment it is finished. right now, to answer your question, i have about 6,000 words on the new chapter. right now, i'm also taking august off writing. to recharge, to sleep, and only write if i feel like it. later? i don't know. i think i'm in a place where i've just got 30,000 words out in three months and i'm too brain-dead to think clearly. i am acutely aware that this issue doesn't have a solution (or at least one that i like) but i might be more willing to compromise my life again after a bit of rest and holidays.

anyway, sorry for being a debbie downer, anon. and sorry i don't have an update for you. i'm dying for one, too.

[exposedtruth]

As another Elriel, I agree with the previous anon. I have seen horrific people from every side of the fandom. I joined because I wanted to chat with other likeminded people who enjoyed the books and the characters, but the tags are so clogged with hate all the time. Like I don't understand why a fandom of mostly adults can't comprehend the idea of blocking and filtering. I, for example, hate Gwynriel.

Things I don't do:

-harass creators

-repeatedly post anti-gwynriel content in the gwynriel tags

-ask for artists to do my preferred ships without leaving anything positive

-doxx people

Things I do do:

-block the main gwynriel blogs without sending any mean anons

-filter out the gwynriel tags

-send nice messages to artists/writers whose works I enjoy, and ignore the ones I don't

-tag my posts correctly

This feels like the bare minimum tbh but apparently it's not. I wasn't around in fandoms during the whole Team Edward/Team Jacob everyone is comparing this to, but I have not seen any other fandom this aggressive/rude about ships, characters, or even just the author. Like why are people coming onto the acotar/character tags just to complain about how much they hate them. I really think it has to do with the what-about-me types, like that bean soup ordeal on tiktok with the woman posting herself making a bean soup and people in her comments asking "but what if I don't like beans" don't make it then? It's the same thing. Don't like the pairing? Don't interact with the content or creators. Truly it is that simple.

Thank you!! I agree with all of this. And it should be mutual for all parties. I’ve seen tags of gleeriel, ewriel, and in those tags is a BUNCH of vile hatred. I don’t understand it.

If you don’t like it, scroll past. It’s that simple and it always has been! Like you said, filter out tags, don’t comment unnecessary things, don’t hate on art, block people you would prefer not to interact with and vice versa, etc.

I was alive during the twilight era. And I honestly can’t compare it to this. Everyone already knew who endgame was because the books had been released. Everyone argued over the actors, not the actual characters. It was definitely a crazy time, but people weren’t receiving death threats, being insulted, being bullied off of social media, being doxxed, etc…

This fandom has gotten out of control. I truly don’t believe there’s anything to compare it to.

[batboyblog]

Nagging potential voters while offering them nothing has been a losing political strategy every time it's been tried. If you actually care about wresting political power from fascists - yes I am questioning your commitment - you'll get involved in on-the-ground organizing instead of acting like an asshole online. Because I cannot stress this enough: what you're doing here on tumblr? That hurt us in 2004. And 2016. And a bunch of the off-years too. Knock it off. And before you complain about my tone: I'm using the same one you did in your post. If reading this made you upset, maybe sit for a while and think about the implications of that.

lol, I honestly can't tell you how much this makes me laugh so thanks for the early morning comedy

I don't actually have any idea which of my MANY posts you found and decided to have an issue with.

Any ways, I have a Tumblr, which is mostly non-serious because in real life, my real life my real work is very serious and political and this generally is a decompression space away from that were I can express other interests, US Senators generally don't want to hear my take on comic books (well Pat Leahy....)

I'm not gonna lay out chapter and verse what I've done or do because I'm not doxing myself for an anon troll, but last election I knocked over 2,000 doors for Democratic candidates, I've been pretty open that I was HFA in 2016 and OFA before that

so generally in most of my posts I'm asking, basically begging people, to get as involved as I am, well maybe not AS involved, you don't all need jobs In politics someone has to drive the buses after all. But its very easy as a volunteer to make a huge huge impact on your local Democratic Party and on elections around you and it's amazingly healing to get out and talk to voters, a day of walking around knocking doors and talking to voters will cure you of wanting to dive bomb a strangers in box with nonsense like this.

any ways since I was you know, there, in 2004 and I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume (since you assumed quite a lot about me) We lost that election because the Bush team totally shamelessly claimed our famous war hero candidate had in fact faked his Purple Hearts and hadn't earned his Sliver and Bronze Stars. Also they pretty shamelessly implied that a vote for Democrats was a vote for terrorism and stressed to evangelical voters that they'd ban gay marriage forever and always if Bush won re-election, which I think was very key to pulling Bush over the finish line in Ohio (and the election as a whole)

Not that that matters the "Nagging" narrative is silly, and mainly used by people who want to not feel bad for not voting being engaged. That its somehow Democrats fault for asking them to vote and pointing out the negative things that will happen if Republicans win. Thats how all campaigns since the dawn of time have worked however. All Campaigns are a mix of two things "here are the good things I would like to do" and "here are the bad things my opponent will do if they win" there's no way to campaign without the latter duh.

any ways like I said Tumblr is my silly happy place, but I'm still me, so sometimes I shoot off about the real life topics that matter to me. And here on Tumblr sometimes I can be blunter and ruder than I might on social media linked to my real life, thats not gonna change or anything I'm just saying.

finally I hope everyone gets involved, its fun its easy it makes a big difference, google your city or county and "Democrats" to find a local meeting, Everyone should check out The Sister District project, Swing Left, and Run For Something as I've said else where there are important elections happening all the time, Democrats have a chance to win the Governorship in Mississippi a dear friend of mine is down there right now working that and I couldn't be more proud of his unwavering efforts to blue the south (he helped get Andy Beshear elected in 2018) so random troll anon I hope you're doing more than uh... whatever this is, I'm gonna keep doing my thing.

[sapphyreopal5]

Do you think Jarpad is attractive?

Hello Anon, thank you for the ask. I'm not sure if you're asking about merely his looks, personality, or what. I do believe he is a beautiful man inside and out overall. I remember the first time I saw him on in 2009 via that Friday the 13th remake. I said to myself weirdly enough "I'd love to date him, but he'd never like me". After I finished the movie I forgot he existed (a whole 13 years, heh the irony) until 2022 because my sister's guides a couple summers ago wouldn't shut up about the show SPN until.... mine told me to start watching the show. I was more drawn to Jensen/Dean's character I will admit. However, I've learned more about both of them. When I went to Charlotte last year for the con, I felt Jensen's energy was very off and found myself looking at Jared instead, which I found very strange.

I think that Jared needs to be challenged both spiritually and mentally. Yes, he's had his mental health struggles he's spoken about and has his Always Keep Fighting campaign he does, which adds to his beautiful heart and personality. However, something I find he lacks is a spiritual connection. I believe that his lack of experience with the divine or anything "Supernatural" has put him in an interesting position. I haven't heard of him speaking of his connection to "God" or anything spiritually related. He seems a bit uncomfortable with calling signs, well, signs per what he said in his chapter in that book "Family Don't End with Blood". To be specific, I'm talking about the tidbit seen in the page below when he says he doesn't like to talk about signs, their place (or lack thereof) in his life, what they do or don't mean to him, etc.

The way he worded things suggests to me he either is agnostic despite growing up catholic apparently, or he's lost his faith along the way. I personally need to be with someone who is spiritually connected or is willing to become more intuned themselves. I think he wants to be but is unsure. I am willing to bet money some of this goes back to what that palm reader said on a blind date about becoming wealthy but that his love life will suck and wondering "can we switch that?"

I've also elaborated on these points below here, but I'll say some it it again in this post too.

As for the arrest, don't care at all about it. I've seen WAY worse fights end in no arrest. Only pansies get upset about THAT joke of a so called fight. It isn't the greatest thing to hit someone but guess what, shit happens. Apologize and move on, pretty simple really. I didn't really like how he claimed he was roofied. Where are the toxicology reports showing this? Because it didn't happen... honestly Jared, just own up to it, don't make up stuff about it and move on. Again, pretty simple. He made it a bit more complicated than he needed to in my opinion. He panders to other people too much at times and that's just not necessary. Grow a bit more of a spine and say no more.

Contrary to the people pleasing tendency of his, I didn't love reading about his doxxing people in customer service. It's one thing to complain online, it's entirely something else to post photos of the people involved. I think one of the girls he complained about took her page down due to death threats being sent her way. He certainly didn't think through his actions thoroughly. For someone with his intelligence level and general caliber, I expected a lot more out of him.

I spoke before about how a girl I went to school with wrote cruel things about me on a MySpace bulletin board years ago that got around the school. I wrote to her on Facebook a few years ago saying I forgive her and that I wanted to make peace with her, blah blah blah. About a year after I sent that back in 2021, I found out that in August 2022, she had to get her leg amputated from the knee down and almost died in surgery twice. Words do hurt and can come back around to bite you in the ass. When I read about the doxxing people Jared's done in the past, it did pit a bit of a bitter aftertaste in my mouth seeing this below. I hope this is a way of saying he's learned his lesson on doxxing people and has changed for the better. As the psychic guy said to me and it's 💯 true, higher powers will only allow so much to happen from black magic and such based on someone's karma like car accidents and whatnot (like the one he was in back in April 2022).

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Jared Padalecki (@jaredpadalecki)

Overall, I think he's a beautiful man inside and out but with flaws like anyone else. Thanks for the ask Anon.

[just-antithings]

Ima let this off my chest. These kids are why I get anxiety over the idea of trying to make art or fanfic to share with strangers online. And why I pretty much gave up on trying to create anything. What's the point if it's gonna be ripped apart so mercilessly and getting doxxed for it? They have the gall to complain that there are less artists making content when people don't want the hassle of getting abused online for a fucking drawing. Thanks for making online spaces another high school for me to hide my true feelings and thoughts! For being the bullies you little shits claim to be against. You aren't the underdog protagonists, you are the mean girl clique. You people become exactly like your abusive parents/relatives. You have become another Westboro Baptist Church. Congratulations.

.

[yooniesim]

Hey loves! I've had a few days to rest and think about things, and thankfully I'm in a much better headspace than I was then. So now that I'm clear headed, I just wanted to make a post to explain a bit more about what's been going on and what will happen with my blog in the future.

First;; the situation with corpsetrait. For those that don't know, I addressed this briefly while on my hiatus a few days ago. I was going through some pretty heavy stuff both online and IRL with myself & my family (several of which being hospitalized), to the point where I was simply not in a place to deal with any of this. I was trying to avoid being online in any way due to continued bigoted harassment to the point of doxxing, and I have a firm dislike of any content from anonymous hate websites, so my first instinct was to stay out of this online issue and tend to myself and my family until I could research the issue properly. I think that would've been fine with just tumblr, but due to me also having a large server with that being as a member, it painted a picture of enabling that being and caused discomfort and hurt to others within the server. Due to my own problems, I couldn't see this, and eventually had a meltdown to be honest. I was dissociating heavily from fear & pain and did just about anything I could to try to get it to stop, from lashing out to excessive apologizing. There are posts in my drafts you will never see & some of them I barely remember writing. I recently privated several posts I made during it, as well as spoke to Veone & apologized to her for my actions and how I spoke to her, because it was inappropriate. She accepted my apology and acknowledged that I wasn't in the right mindset to respond properly, which I'm very thankful for. Dollie/Corpsetrait has been kicked from my server since Saturday and has also deactivated rots simblr & main blog as far as I'm aware.

Second;; speaking of the server. At first, I had the intention of closing the server completely, and most of the members were kicked. But I've decided instead to clean it up and make it a better place, for those that wanted to stay. Thus, there have been a few changes. The tea-chat channel, which was originally intended just for petty complaining and silly happenings on simblr, was closed. Too many hostile arguments over unrelated topics were happening, and to be frank, it was verging away from petty and into disrespectful. It should've never been a place for political arguments or name-calling. It was also far too difficult to moderate properly with the amount of mods I have and the personal problems I was going through. And I'm truly sorry for that and anyone that was hurt by the discussions that took place there. I've since modified the rules of the server to disallow disrespectful arguments of any kind or insults against members of the server or people on simblr. There's also a warning and ban system in place to aid in moderation. The server is now private due to raid attempts, but those that want to join are welcome to DM me or send me an off-anon ask for access. I don't blame any former members for leaving and if they ever want to return, they're welcome to.

Third;; the future of my blog. Although I've never been shy about sharing my opinion, it's become... frankly, exhausting. There's a lot of bad shit on simblr, and at the same time, simblr is fickle- especially with anyone it expects to hear opinions from, and the right opinions at that. And I've never felt more jaded with it than I have in the last few days. Although many reactions were justified, some of what I've seen said about me has been so vile and sickening, and even outright untrue, that it was almost worse than what I've seen on other websites that simblr thinks it is above. All accepted with no proof, and little sense of empathy. No one is obligated to empathize with another person, but in the absence of that, all I can beg is something that I've been telling you since I've been here: don't take information at face value or opinions as fact, and consider the bias and perspective of your sources of information. I'll be reminding myself regularly to do the same, and think deeply about what I post before I post it. Because it's far too easy to fall deep into a sea of negativity and lose yourself and your kindness in the process. My voice won't be gone completely, there are still issues in the community that are important to address from time to time, but I don't want that to be a main focus anymore. From now on, I want to concentrate on what this blog was created for: the sims! And just more positive content in general. Because I don't like what it (or my persona on this platform) has become currently. It's hurting me, it's hurting others, and that needs to stop.

Finally;; thank you to those that have messaged me and shown me compassion through these past few weeks. It's meant more to me than you may ever know. It's one thing to say you support those suffering, especially from harassment and with mental illness; it's another to actually do so when they're showing unpleasant symptoms and sides of themselves. No one is ever obligated to show that support or accept an apology from someone that has hurt them, so I consider doing so at all to be an act of kindness. And such acts kept me from spiraling further in one of the darkest periods of my 28 years on this earth. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

[peacefiction]

As someone involved in the anti/proship discourse in the past, it’s exhausting. Both communities devote time to arguing with and complaining about each other, some centering their entire personalities around it. They refuse to leave each other alone despite how much they claim to despise one another. There are people as young as 13 and old as 40 involved in this ongoing 7-year-old discourse.

Honestly? None of this discourse would’ve started if people filtered or blocked works they disliked. Regardless of how you feel about a ship or character, you can’t control what other people enjoy in fiction. That’s why you have the power to curate your online experience instead of bullying people over liking what you don’t. As long as it's fictional, then no one is being harmed.

Fictional characters and ships aren’t a serious matter and shouldn’t be treated as such. None of it is worth doxxing people and bullying them into suicide. You ship what you want, and others ship what they want; it’s not complicated.

I don't mean this to choose a "side" between anti and proship—both have substantial issues, which is why I felt the need to make the term peacefic—but on the anti side, I do feel like there's often this strong desire for power and control. Control over other people's actions and posting habits, and in extreme cases control over their thoughts ("thought crimes"). Power and authority to be the ones who make the rules about what is or is not allowed to be written about, drawn, consumed in fiction.

Even if you take the stance that fiction can cause real world harm, you have to think about how such "rules" would be implemented and upheld in a practical sense. A single random individual on the internet does not have the power to control what millions of others are posting day by day, and even if they did, they would not have the time or energy to deal with it on that scale. Not to mention the question of why this particular individual should be the one who draws the line between what's problematic or not.

Then, the idea of giving power to others to allow them to moderate never guarantees that their interests will align with your own. They could decide that works about healing from trauma are too far, because they depict that trauma at all, even in a negative light. They could decide that queerness, or polyamory, or consensual kink is too far.

Ultimately, that kind of moderation isn't really feasible, in my opinion. And much harassment over fiction occurs as a way to feel in control of others in place of being able to directly stop them.

It would feel negligible for me to pretend that harassment solely comes from antis, though. Some proshippers take people's personal boundaries as an attack, as if saying "proship DNI" is the same as getting harassed by an anti. Blocking and filtering are important for the safety and comfort of all. No one owes you online interaction. A self-proclaimed anti who blocks all proshippers on sight without harassing them is well within their rights of curating their experience! Bullying them for their choice to avoid you isn't any better.

I think it's important for everyone to accept the fact that we are not in control of other's actions, regardless of how we feel about it. It would do some good for even individuals in favor of censorship to know this.

Thank you for the ask! ☮️📝

[teaveetamer]

I already told this to others but I NEVER want to hear fans complaining about avatar pandering and how byleth ruins the game when we have so many examples of edelstans behaving badly, at best, over their black hole character fave who warps everything in her orbit, including apparently the smidgeon of decency these people have when it comes to fandom disagreements.

I have a stalker who has sent me rape threats, racist insults, doxxing attempts, and antisemitic slurs for almost a decade now. I still cannot fathom an entire discord server making genocide jokes and laughing about wanting to kill someone for the crime of having different opinions over a fucking videogame.

We may differ in our own game opinions, but rest assured because you totally have my support, and I’m sorry those soulless losers set their sights on you, and i’m sorry too for nilsh and moonlit. I’m finally coming out as a full-fledged ladle hater and I sincerely hope the stannies get a fucking life and learn to leave people alone and just learn to fucking block if someone says something mean about their fictional meow meow

Hey thanks, I really appreciate it! And I'm sorry you have to deal with some no life stalker. I hope you're safe and thriving.

I'll be honest and say I'm really not worried about myself in this situation. These guys don't scare me and I'm in a pretty stable place mentally + emotionally for the most part, so I'm not really rattled by it. I'm angry about it. The complete lack of respect for me and some of the topics at hand is appalling, and if they're saying this stuff about me then they're probably saying this stuff about others.

I don't expect everyone to like or even agree with me, and it really doesn't bother me if someone wants to block me or ignore me because they find me annoying or they don't like my takes or my ships or my taste in fanfic or whatever other reason. It doesn't even really bother me if they want to complain about me privately to their friends. But it's not impossible to disagree with someone and still believe they deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Not making jokes about murdering someone seems, like, the bare minimum requirement and they can't even hit that apparently. So again, I really appreciate you saying all of this.

[silly-zai]

saw the post about not understandimg proshipping and antishipping.

antishipping started when people saw a ship they didnt like and called themselves anti[insert ship] like anti sokoku or anti billford. then antishipping became a word for anyone who is against the existence of "problematic" ships.

that cuased anti antis/proshippers to start being a thing. proshipping doesn't mean you ship "problematic" ships, thats a darkshipper or comshipper- someone who ships dark or complicated ships. dark/comships include toxic yuri/yaoi, abuser x abused, adult x minor, age gap, incest and the like.

because antishippers equate liking a fictional ship means liking the dymamic irl (although they don't believe that liking a fictional murderer makes you like irl murder) they assume that anyone who for example ships wincest or odazai is a sibling fucking child molester. therefore they harrass and dox people. once a trans woman was harrass so hard on the internet by antishippers that she detransioned and stopped creating her stuff, i think it happened around or before covid. cant find the source rn but u can research. There was also this guy in the cartoon/entertainment industry and he harrassed a disabled proshipper so badly they lost their job, he was then exposed for having acutal csa material and antishippers shoved it under the rug. u can also reseach that case urself.

anyways, plenty of proshippers don't even like darkships. being proship means you believe you shouldn't harrass people for their ships. the idea that characters are like dolls and antishippers take things too seriously is a proship concept. being proship means you also believe all fictional media has a right to exist, ships that are toxic and books about bad people of all kinds. being proship also means that if you see ship or headcanon or whatever that you don't, you follow the Don't like, dont read principle(DL;DR) and Your kink is not my kink and thats okay(YKINMKATO) and block and curate your own fandom experience. you can complain about whatever ships you want and how you personally don't like it but don't do that to someone who wrote a fic about it. being proship is being anti-censorship and anti harrassment.

Ao3 was also built by proshippers for proshippers(lawyers for anti harrassment-look up ann rice and the fanfic.net and watpadd purges, as well as anti censorship for all fictional content), it was also made by a darkshipper (one of the creators is a known throki and wincest shipper, so they shipped toxic ships and incest ships). hating on other fics and stuff is strictly against ao3s DL;DR mentality and dnis should be reported. Also you should look up "american feelings yakuza" to see how people in fandoms outside america think of the issue.

Huh thanks. That harassment shit is awful and from what I've heard it happens on both sides, which is awful but yk.

I feel like I saw a post before talking abt all this stuff but I don't remember when. Thanks for all the info tho. I consider myself kinda neutral on this stuff, I'm not rly a proshipper nor an antishipper bc I js don't care. It's none of my business, and I'll talk to ppl on either side as long as they aren't harassing ppl.

[nityarawal]

2/7/2023

A Eunuchs Fettish

Sitting In The Woods

Looking At Tahquitz

My Friend Told Me

He Discovered He Has A Baby

With A Cleft In Her Chin

Like Him

Carbon Copy

DNA

Don't Have A Doubt

About Her

Little LA

Has Your Dimple

In Her Chin

We Noticed

In The Picture

In The Woods

Looking For Another

Camp

Construction

Stalkers

In The Woods

Trying To Find

A House

Mending Heartstrings

Tuning Guitar

Only Sounds Right

When It Hits

A Nerve

In My Chest

I Feel The Harmony

In My Heart

I Tune Each String

To A Frequency 

In My Solar Plexus

Camping In The Snow

Better Than Renting

From Nazis

Ex-cons

Hot Flash

Change

Probably Not Pregnant

No Doubts

About Me

4 Years Celibate

Would've Been 

An Immaculate Conception

Or A Prince's Son

No Doubt About Me

Everyone Who Knows 

Me

No Doubt About Me

Why So Few Good

Trustworthy

Judges

Heard They Bullied

Mary Kay Letourneau 

On A Pedophile

Plea Bargain

Raped By A Brother

Or 3

Raped By Pappa

Called "Cake" Indeed

Raped

Gangbanged

Saw A Penis

Forced To Comply

Didn't Want To Complain

Hurt Elder Brothers

Or A Little Child

Who'd Already

Been Castrated

Please

Daddy

Always Obeyed

Scared her Fault

Taking Responsibility

Teacherly

Devout Mary

Prayed

Break A Little 11-Year-Old

Girls Heart

Murder

Drowning

Schmitz Why'd You

Let Your Daughter 

A Little Sister Mary Kay

Take The Blame 

Was Your Family 

Jealous 

Of Your Tear Stained

Eunuch

Sex Toy At 3

Did Phillip James

Have Your Heart

President Elect

Why'd You Sever His Penis

Reconstruction Surgery

Why'd Mary Kay

Take The Heat

Hide Your

Boys Sins

How Was Jerome

John And Joseph

Adults

Not Implicated

How Old Was Jerry

And Did He Rape Mary Kay

Always Had To Say

Yes

Mamma Mary

Ate Shit

Served Her Ass

For Supper

What Happened

To The German Mistress

A Student

Died Of Cancer

Starved Of Insulin

Harassed By Courts

Worked Non Stop

2 Jobs

To Pay For Schmitz Sins

Why'd Her Son

John Bolstrom 

Suffer Life 

In Prison

With

No John George

Schmitz Protection

Defense

Why Did Mary Kay

Blanche

When She Heard The News

About Her Illegitimate

Half Brother

Eunuched

Again

Why Did Nancy Reagan

Give Schmitz's

Bastards 

To Her Astrologer

Jeannie Dixon

Clairvoyant

To The Stars

Why Did Jeannie

Have $9 Million

Dollars

But Kids

Orphaned

Trafficked

Made Wards Of State 

Why Is Mary Schmitz's

Namesake And Niece

Chasing Me For Courts

Doxing My Location

Sending Her Sex Sting

For The Bush Administration

And Her Daddy Harems

Who Ruined Our Country

With 9/11 Domestic

In-House Terrorism

Why Is Mary Schmitz

Like Mary Queen Of

Scots

Sold By Nazis

Trying To Take Down

The Huntleys'

With HP Campbell's

Stewart's

And Clark's

Why Are The Feds

Secret Service Men

M6s

Stealing My Kids

And Trying To

Take Us Down 

With Germ Warfare

Rapes

And Raids

Of 40% Houseless

Camping

Slummed By DMV

2 or 3 Die

Every Week

In Idyllwild Crier

Fentanyl Usually

The Culprit

In- House Nazis 

Sheriff Chad Bianco

And DA Michael Hestrin

Can't Get Enough Victims

Call It Covid

With Their Mafia

Trafficking The Girls

Sending Moles

Drug Militia

Shaking Hands

Politicians 

Waxing

Empty Interviews

Smear Slurs

No Investigations

Fine- Fire A Judge

The Old Must Go

Says Elon

The Corrupt

Not My Neighbors

Fire The Judges

The Attys

The Feds

The IRS

Secret Service

FBI

Clean Up Government

Like Twitter

Rewind My Family

To Original Custody

Orders

And All Estranged

For Singers War

Persian

Sufi Poets

A Grammy

For Baraye

Dr. Biden Thanked

Iran For Her Woman's

Anthem

Dr. Biden Says

Women Love Freedom

Baraye

Peace

Bring Justice

To America

For Our Loved Ones

Tortured

By Domestic Terrorism 

Like Iran

Prisoners

Here

Salman Rushdie

A Survivor Of World War 3

Racism

Blind In One Eye.a Pirate For Peace

J.D. Sallinger

"Catcher in The Rye"

Forever Best Book

For My Godsons

And I

Read As A 

Teen

Opened My Eyes

Coming Of Age 

15 in New York

A Elder Monk Almost

Kissed Me 

Held Hands

Snuggled

All Over

Manhattan

With 5 Peeps

In An Old Bug

Drove From Iowa

A Cushion On His

Lap

Hands Touching

Massaging Me

Violent Femmes 

Didn't Hit The Spot

With Hate Told NYC to "F" Off

"Franky And Zoe"

A Gift From Teddy

Opened My Eyes

To Love Of Maharishi

A Kids Love Story

Love Exists

Choose Love

Not War

John Lennon

Sang

Insisted

Love Not War

Lay- In

Meditation

Service

To Woman

Beloved

Soulmates

Not War

Not Racism

New Love

New Respect

Ethnic Euro Asian Babies

Eurasia

Blessed

Why'd John Schmitz

Drown His Baby

Why Did Mary Kay

Have To Cover

For Jerry

Why Did John

Schmitz

Castrate John George

In His Namesake

A Jewish Genocide

For A German

Mistress

Married For The 3rd

Time

Bostrom Stuckle

Why Did You

Steal The President

Elect

For German Nazis

For 9 Years

Hidden 

Silenced

You Thought Mary Schmitz Knew What

You Did

Groomed By Courts

To Invade

Rock And Roll

Back To DC

Marilyn A Song

For The President

Rock And Roll To DC

Don't Make Magdalena

And Her Little Villi

Boytoy

Pay For Anymore

Schmitz Schtick

Sins

We Saw Phillip James

In The Paper

Crying

A Whipping Boy

For The Bush's

Was He Castrated

Like His Half Brother

John George Schmitz

Bostrom Struckel

Near Dismembered

After Him

Why Was There No

DV Support

For Mary Kay

When She Was Raped

And Exploited

At 7

Gaslighted For A Baby's

Drowning

By Adults

Hating

Why Didn't Jerome

Come Forth

And Take The Blame

As The Big Kid

Why Didn't Daddy

John George Schmitz

And Sons

Go To Prison

Why Was Mary

Made To Be Boys Club Victim 

Why Did His Daughter

Pay

Forced Into Pedophilia 

By Courts

Gag Orders

On A Plea Bargain

With Villi's Nazi Gangs

For A Samoan Mom

A Hooker

For Court

A Good Samaritan

They Call Themselves

Cleaning Up The Streets

Wanting A Kickback

From The Bush Administration

How Did It Work Out

Villi Now Raped

At DUI Courts

Granted A 3rd Daughter 

Sophia

Witchhunted

Like Rest Of Dames

Villi Got The Golden

Goose

#FreeBritney

When He Inherited

Mary Kay Died Of Cancer

Heart Broken

Deserted Cougar

Villi

Moved On

Had A Baby

Gigolo Groomed

By Mamma With Long

Dark Hair - Controlling

Getting Silenced Now

Doing Time 

Why'd Mary Kay

Pay For Parents

Sins

An Open Relationship

Forced on All Mary Schmitz's

Plus Steve Letourneau 

Beatings & Cheatings

Why Did Mary Kay Pay

Greenwashing Pedophilia

Only Way To Get

Protection From Her

Daddy

Bros

Nazis

X

Court Rapists

Why Did Mary Kay

Pay For Schmitz

Karma

For She's A Daughter

Divine

And Her Niece

Said She Was 

Tortured

Why Did Mary Kay

Pay

For Her Daddies

Murdered Babies

Why Does

Mary Schmitz

Spread Her Legs

For Moose

Her Dessert Husband

Why Does Mary Schmitz

Greenwash Pedophilia

Date boys 12+ Years Younger

Is It A Bush Administration

Plea 

Bargain

To Hook

Judge Dana Sawbraw

Trafficking Mexican

Kids

At The Border

His Wife's Hands

Tied

DA Summer Stephan 

Like VP Kanala Harris 

Atty Bribes

Family Constructs

Trafficking Divorcees

Detention

Borders

Atty Lies

Officer Abuse

Plea Bargains

How Many Castrated

In Iran

For 9/11 Scams

Ponzi Schemes

For #PrinceOfPegging 

How Many Secrets

600 Thousand American

Eunuchs

How Many Schmitz's

Lost Their Dicks

In A Box Knot

Infertile Dick's War

By Their Father's

Congressmen

Senators

Perverted Our Nation

Turned Magdalena

Into A Circus

Freak Show

Mother Mary Smeared

Mary Said We'd Understand

One Day

Yeah We Do

Mary Blanched

When John George Junior

Was Found

With A Nearly 

Severed Penis

For She Was Doomed

To Hide Her Father's

Shame

And Fettish

Until 

Infant 

Castration

Discovery

A Eunuch Fettish

For Bush's

Gender Confusion

9/11 Lies Spread 

About The Middle East

Cartelling Babies

A Eunuch Fettish

Bush's Force Mary

[ranger-kellyn]

tmi, sex mention, miscarriage and venting stuff below the read more

i'm fine i'm just Mad

the official Worst part about being into juliana/nemona at this point is how much i see people complaining that "they're teenagers!! you shouldn't write anything gross about them!!" and i'm just like.....

i have this fic in mind. it's been rolling around my brain nonstop since i started up my second playthrough in scarlet and it's a first kiss and first time messing around type story. i even said to myself when i very first thought of the fic, "my first kiss and my first time messing around both absolutely SUCKED and so it would be nice to write this for my younger self. living vicariously through them a scenario where my first kiss and first time messing around didn't fucking blow and leave me feeling disgusting."

bc yeah!! my first kiss fucking sucked!!! it rarely ever comes up, but when it does, i always lie and say my first kiss was my first boyfriend, john when i was 16. my kiss with john was straight out of a fucking fairy tale! outside our hotel under the starlit sky of crans montana switzerland as we watched a rainstorm roll in at an angle in the valley below us! wonderful! couldn't ask for better. people eat that shit up.

my actual first kiss was at 15 with this gross boy who from the day i met him i hated him. he came out of nowhere and was dating my best friend for like all of a week, but he set off this alarm in the back of my mind-- but i was so desperate for my first kiss bc i was the only one of my friends who hadn't at that point, and i was desperate to know what it was like and how "MaGiCaL" it would be. so even when the boy i had this intrinsic "stay away from me" started paying attention to me, i shoved all that aside just so i could finally kiss someone. he made me fucking touch his dick before kissing me and he hardly did anything for me and the kiss sucked and it all was just horrible, and to this day i just feel horrible for my younger self for walking us into that when we knew-- i knew you were trouble was my favorite taylor song when red first came out for a reason

my first time having sex was at 17 with a different guy, and that fucking sucked because i wasn't confident enough to say "what you're doing isn't working for me" or try to tell him how to actually get me off so i put up with sex that was so disappointing it got me over him (lmaO) BUT. and while, sure, i technically never took a pregnancy test bc i was petrified to buy one, i missed my period for a little over two months and then had the worst period of my fucking life-- i feel safe to say i miscarried. which, don't get me wrong, i am more than thankful it happened because being a parent that young would have absolutely ruined my life, and being tied to him in that way is the last thing i would ever want. i just still hate that my younger self went through all of that.

so i just want to live a little vicariously through some fictional characters a scenario where your first kiss and first time messing around(/sex in general bc i know it's a little dubious when you both have vaginas as to what is and isn't sex lmao) doesn't fucking blow because it's with someone you genuinely already love because they were your best friend first, and so you're not scared to talk and work with them, and I just.......

i genuinely don't think i'll be able to post such a fic. and because i don't think i can post it, i haven't even allowed myself to actually write anything because in the back of my mind i'm terrified that writing this fic will get me doxxed by some puritanical wack job who refuses to separate fiction from reality.

i don't want to have to preface my fic with this whole stupid ass justification just because the internet at large is letting purity culture worms eat their fucking brains.

i DO have a second AO3 account with no socials linked i could post it to, but that still makes me anxious. i'm not trying to have some freak try to doxx me and harm me in some way just because i wanted to write something for my younger self.

[kyunsies]

Hey Mädch!

I'm sorry it's been so long! Can I please start by saying I am so so so so so so so so proud of you! I remember how much you have been through and how hard you have worked to get to this point and I hope you feel super proud of yourself. I am completely and infinitely proud of you and... yeah. I love you lots and I hope you're enjoying this new part of your life!

How has work been? Are you enjoying it? Is it everything you expected? I hope you are getting everything out of it that you have hoped for and that you're managing to get some rest as well!

I want to tell you so much about everything that's been going on (esp cause I think you'll be so excited about it) but I'm not sure how to without doxxing myself on here haha XD. But in short it has been going good, even if the amount of work has been quite overwhelming... but in a good way, I guess? I had to take a bit of time off cause it was getting to the point where I was fainting a bit so just trying to navigate before Xmas hits.

Let me know how you are, and have missed you lots :D

LY :)

💥

sending u love and support ❤-💥

HI ANGEL !!!!!! i am so sorry for responding back really late ;_____; pls don't apologize for being gone for a little bit !!!!!!! we all have lives and responsibilities outside of tumbly and those should be a priority for u before talking to silly me slkfdj <3 thank you SO SO MUCH for your sweet words hun !!! i really feel like a lot of my mutuals and anons have been through a journey with me and i can't believe we are sharing these experiences together :( i'm so happy for pushing through and never giving up on what I really wanted and i am just so thankful everything worked out <3 so THANK YOU SO MUCH !!!!!!!

i actually haven't started yet bub !!! i move into my apartment with my bestie on the 21st, and I start the 24th! it will be a 6 month orientation and i know that kinda sounds like a long time, but it makes me feel better that they will train me very well before they have me take care of babies independently on my own LOL :') as a nurse working in critical care (intensive care units etc) it's very unsettling when hospitals only train their new grads like, for 2 months before having us be on our own, bc in the end although we went to nursing school and passed our board exams, we are still novice nurses and don't know truly what it takes to be a competent nurse yet! so i can't complain, i'm happy about the orientation length :)

also PLS I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR HOW YOU ARE DOING since it's been a while!! even if it's only bits and pieces even i would love to know what's going on w your work and personal life <3 also PLS TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF i know we have a certain mentality that if we aren't doing something all the time we feel guilty, but if you're health is at risk that should be taken care of first and foremost :( pls pls take care of yourself and listen to your body when u feel overworked okay !!!!!!!!! again sorry for taking so long to answer bub lol as you can tell before moving it's always hectic and this is my first time moving away on my own NOT because of uni lol so i'm a little all over the place but trying my best !!! love and miss you !!! <3