#i was worried all last week bc i’ve been going to the morning labs but it turns out i might just be placed in the evening lab bc that’s

[ihopeucomehomesoon]

my to do list is so long bc i fell behind in lectures for two of my classes

[auroracalisto]

for the first time

summary: the reader finally sees her life in a new point of view, thanks to carlisle, who has helped her with her abusive husband, her baby girl luna, and her life in general.  

pairing: carlisle x female! married/widowed! abused! reader

word count: 1.6k words

warnings: female reader, married and eventually widowed reader, reader is abused by her husband, reader has the surname Wolf in this bc comedic reasons, reader has a child named Luna by said husband, mentions of murder, no depictions but carlisle definitely did the stabby stab (at least if that’s what you wanna assume he did), uhhh reader got them widow benefits by the end but that’s a story for another time, ALSO for some reason i put this in the year 2005 and it goes on to 2006/2007?  so this would technically be the same timeline as bella and edward meeting.  so first movie.  yes.  i love the technicalities of everything.  honestly didn’t mean for it to happen but it did so 

a/n: i have no words

Carlisle first had the honor of meeting you at your then-husband’s Christmas party.  It was December 20th, 2005.  Your child was most definitely due by the end of January.  You were quite literally glowing, and Carlisle believed you were the most beautiful thing he had seen in some time.  However, most of the beauty was because of your skill with makeup.  Without it, bruises galore would be revealed to the outside world, and your husband would not be too happy to find out that you showed off the newest shiner he gave to you. 

Even while pregnant, he did not care for your wellbeing.  Hell, he made it quite obvious that he would never care for the little girl growing in your midsection.  But even if he was a terrible prick, you decided to have this child.  Of course, maybe it would have been better for you to end the pregnancy early on.  However, a part of you didn’t want that.  A part of you wanted to have the baby and leave your husband.  Whichever order it came in would be fine.  But knowing now that it would be the latter made you nervous.  

The second time Carlisle saw you was in the middle of a grocery store, calming down your newborn baby.  Your husband had sent you out in the middle of February, just a month after giving birth.  You were alone, and everything was upsetting.  Your baby’s little cries caused your own tears to well up in your eyes.  

When the two of you made eye contact, you finally broke.  You didn’t want anyone to see you like that, and yet, here you were with your husband’s co-worker, crying in the middle of the bread aisle.  

“Mrs. Wolf, please.  Let me help you,” Carlisle softly said, leaving his buggy on the other side of you.  He came over, looking at your baby.  “I’ll get her to calm down.”

You took his word for it, allowing Carlisle to comfort your crying child.  “Please.  Don’t call me that.  [Your name] is fine.”

He watched you with soft eyes and nodded.  “And who is this?” he softly asked, looking down at the fussing infant.  Her eyes were shut and she never once had actual tears—one thing that never sat right with him was how babies couldn’t form tears until they were about two months old (sometimes even longer).  

“Luna,” you softly spoke, watching as your little girl started to calm down in his arms.  You sniffled softly, wiping your eyes with the back of your sleeve.  You should have been more careful, but you didn’t care at this point.  It was getting harder and harder to do this; if someone saw a bruise, someone saw a bruise.  

“That’s a beautiful name,” Carlisle spoke, looking back at you.  “She is very lucky to have you as a mother.”

By the third time Carlisle had properly talked to you, your husband had died.  Under mysterious circumstances, but he was gone.  And you couldn’t have been happier.  You had an idea of what had happened.  Especially when you once opened your eyes in the middle of the night to see a flash of blond hair.  But you drifted off back to sleep, not thinking anymore of it until the morning after when your husband was missing.  However, you never once said anything.  

Weeks after he had passed, you had hired a babysitter for the evening.  Carlisle’s two girls.  

And for once, you did not have to worry about the makeup covering your bruises.  In fact, you wore your makeup how you liked it instead of having to wear it to protect your dead husband.  You found yourself sitting in your car, in front of the hospital.  Alice had informed you that her adoptive father was currently at work—that he was constantly working, and he never once took a break.  

Maybe you should have just turned around.  Maybe you should have just left Washington, altogether.  But your legs started moving before you could stop them.  And once you saw Carlisle, you knew that you had to speak with him.  

You didn’t even have to say hello to him for the man to walk in your direction.  He smiled kindly at you, and you wanted to say something.  You desperately wanted to thank him for saving you, even if he never admitted it.  

But the words never found your tongue.  Your arms wrapped around the doctor, your face buried deep in his blue dress shirt and his white lab coat.  Carlisle had never been more grateful for not carrying his clipboard around.  He wrapped his arms around your body, holding you close.  

Although the two of you never said anything, one thing was clear; you were both grateful for each other’s existence.  Even if you lived vicariously through passing glances and thoughtful actions.  

Luna was nearly one by the time you decided enough was enough.  You were a widow, now.  You did not have to worry about what your husband would say.  And one thing was certain; the blond-haired doctor had your heart in more ways than one.  

He was so kind to you, always offering help and joyful smiles.  His conversations carried you through your long days and kept you awake at night as you thought of how you could tell him how you truly felt.  

But now, you knew enough was enough—you knew that you were not getting any younger, and neither was Carlisle (of course, because he was human—of course, you wouldn’t learn that until later).  You needed to talk to him.  You needed to take a course of action.  

You grabbed your keys, walking to your door.  Luna was babbling in her car seat.  You sat it down to get the door open, nearly jumping out of your skin when you saw Carlisle standing there, prepared to knock.  

He had a bouquet of your favorite flowers in hand and a rather awkward smile.  

“My apologies... are you going somewhere?”

Your cheeks began to burn.  You sat your keys on the table beside your door, shaking your head.  “I was going to see you, actually.”

Luna giggled up at the man when he came into her line of vision.  She adored Carlisle.  

“Oh, that makes this easier then,” he let out a soft laugh, hesitantly holding out the flowers to you.  “These are for you.  I... I had asked Alice what your favorites were.  I hope you don’t mind.”

You smiled.  “No...  No, I don’t,” you said, clearing your throat.  You moved out of the doorway so that he could come into your house.  “I was hoping that.. well, I am hoping this now.  I’ve needed to talk to you.  For a while now.  I really, really need to just get this off my chest, you know?  I just—”

“—could I be of any assistance?” he chuckled softly.  “Perhaps I can find the words that you are searching for.”

You rolled your eyes, unable to keep your smile from forming.  “Carlisle, I’ve... loved you since before my husband died.  I know that for a fact, now.  And I... hope that you feel the same way.  About myself.  And Luna.  We’re a package deal, you know.”

He chuckled softly and nodded.  “I know that you are a package deal.  I... am very glad you feel that way, too.”

“Too?”

“Yes,” Carlisle smiled at you.  “I have loved you since the first time I have set eyes on you.”

You snorted out a laugh, crossing your arms over your chest.  “That long, huh?”

He just smiled, watching you with kind, golden eyes.  “There are many things I need to tell you, [Your name],” he said, finally shutting the front door behind of him.  He looked down at Luna and got her out of the carrier, especially when she happily reached for the man.  “Perhaps we can take this evening to talk?”

You smiled, nodding.  “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, but yeah.  I’d like that.”

All of you made Carlisle’s beatless heart skip.  He could only hope that it was the opposite for you (he could definitely hear how fast your heart began to beat the closer he got to you).  Luna entertained herself with the buttons on Carlisle’s shirt while the two of you talked until she fell asleep against him.  

Perhaps it was that moment that you truly knew that you were in love with Carlisle.  No—that action only fortified your love for the man.  You knew you had loved him just as long as he had claimed to love you.  And for once, you were not afraid of what love could do. 

Because you believed you loved your deceased husband, you married him.  You slowly watched him become a horrible person.  And then you had Luna with him.  Of course, that was the one good thing that came out of him.  Perhaps the chance of meeting Carlisle as well.  

But you knew that now, the love you felt for Carlisle was as real as the infant in Carlisle’s arms.  And it would never burn like your last loveless love.  

For the first time, it felt like you were seeing yourself in a new light.  You were seeing everything from a different perspective.  And Carlisle allowed that.  Carlisle helped you find that.  

Even if he hadn’t have been there, you would have still found it.  However, you knew that he made it so much easier than it would have been.  

For the first time, you knew real love.  With Luna, and now with Carlisle.  

Despite everything that had happened to you, it seemed as though the universe was finally connecting the dots.  And you couldn’t wait to see what she was going to give you, next.  

[iam93percentstardust]

Prompt: tony can’t get enough of Steve’s strength and Steve loves it bc he’s still quite self conscious of his body? 💚

I realized halfway through writing this that you probably meant for a canon-compliant fic, but I was already so deep into the worldbuilding for this little science fiction fic (seriously, you don't even know how much unnecessary worldbuilding I did) so I kept with it

Also on ao3 here!

~

“Steve!” Tony hollers through the communicator. Steve glances up from the board game he’s playing with Natasha and Clint and over at where the communicator hangs from the ship’s wall. He still doesn’t really understand the technology behind the communicators even after a year of being awake, but they’re hung all over the Avenger’s Shieldand he won’t deny that they’re useful.

“I’m here,” he says at a normal volume, knowing that JARVIS will easily pick up what he’s saying and transmit it to Tony. Tony’s just being loud because he’s always loud and because he’s down in the engine room of the ship with all its noises from the conversion of stardust into energy.

“Great! I need your muscley goodness down here like yesterday.”

Steve hides a smile and stands, passing his pieces off to Clint, who’s losing worse than either Steve or Natasha. “Here, you can have mine. Not sure how long I’ll be down there.”

Clint’s eyes narrow and Steve tries not to fidget under the cybernetic enhancements. When he went into the ice nearly three hundred years ago, mankind didn’t even dream of space travel, at least not realistic space travel, and now they’ve got colonies on galaxies as far away from their own, it makes his head spin. Humans have peace treaties with over two thousand alien civilizations. And mechanical body enhancements, meant to augment humans for travel and work and sometimes sheer entertainment, are as common as breathing. But Steve, with his serum-induced enhancements, is somehow still the odd one out.

“You know,” Clint says, “you don’t have to help him out if you don’t want to. Tony means well but that doesn’t mean he can’t be abrasive sometimes.”

“I don’t mind,” Steve says truthfully. Everyone else on this ship seems to dance around his non-cybernetic enhancements—and around the fact that he’d been frozen in the ice caps, now stretching as far south as Florida, for three hundred years—but Tony never once seemed to care. He’s thrilled about Steve’s enhancements—no one else on the ship is quite as strong as Steve is, not since Thor joined the crew of the Milano—both because of what Steve can help him with and because of what the serum means for scientific advancement, though Steve hasn’t let Bruce or Yinsen take any of his blood yet.

He heads down into the belly of the ship, pausing once at one of the portholes to look out at the stars flashing by them. It still amazes him that humans have achieved all of this (and horrifies him that they achieved this but left their own planet behind).

Tony’s “lair” (as Clint calls it) is located at the very bottom of the ship. It’s here that Tony holds his court, making sure that the engines that run the ship are still intact and running smoothly, tinkering with other projects that the other crewmembers give to him, and designing improved systems for the Shield, whether that’s comms, mechanical, or even medical. Tony does it all. According to Natasha, Tony, who’s one of the few nonhumans on the ship, was once a member of high society on his home planet, Aur’a, but left it all behind to join the Shield and travel the galaxy.

Steve opens the door and is immediately met with a wave of heat. It’s always hot down here. Tony says it’s because of the celestial energy, that stars run so hot that even residue energy is still too hot for unenhanced humans to handle. Fortunately, neither Steve nor Tony are unenhanced, and Steve would be willing to bet that the reason it’s so hot in the engine room today is because Tony is working with raw stardust.

The copper pipes running the room are too close to avoid bumping into for someone as large as Steve, so he doesn’t even bother trying to avoid them, letting them brush against his skin as he follows the sound of Tony humming. When he’d first joined the crew, he’d been worried about Tony complaining that Steve couldn’t move around the engine room without knocking something over, but Tony has never once complained, only just made easygoing jokes about bulls in china shops and told him that the pipes are built to withstand forces a lot stronger than Steve. It had gone a long way toward helping him feel comfortable in the space and now he spends a lot of time down here, talking with Tony about the mechanics of the ship, even though a lot of it goes over his head.

He ducks underneath one of the pipes and rounds a corner to find Tony sitting on a bench, carefully chipping at a speck of stardust on the benchtop in front of him. Tony once told him that it only takes a miniscule amount of stardust to power the ship for an entire week, which is good because stardust is difficult to mine. Tony’s goggles are perched on top of his nose, giving him an owlish appearance. Steve finds it adorable, but he waits until Tony is done with the chisel before walking over to drop a kiss on top of his hair.

The rest of the crew doesn’t know that they’ve been seeing each other for a month. After their first kiss, Steve had asked if it would be okay to keep it quiet a little longer. Steve’s brain is still firmly convinced at times that they’re in the forties, so the idea that he can date a man and have it be as accepted as dating a woman is still a little foreign to him. Tony had been more than accommodating though, which is only one of the reasons Steve loves him so much.

“Oh!” Tony exclaims, clearly startled. “Didn’t realize you were already here.” He turns, pushing his goggles up to his hair. “Did you get even more muscley since the last time I saw you?”

“Tony, you saw me this morning,” Steve says amusedly.

“Right you are, Capsicle, but I still stand by what I said,” Tony shoots back with a cheeky wink. He runs his hands over Steve’s biceps, making a low purring sound under his breath. Steve just barely manages to hear it over the sound of the engines, and it makes him smile.

Sometimes, he still feels self-conscious about his size. Spending most of his life looking and feeling one way only to change in only seconds had been disorienting, and he hadn’t had much of a chance to get used to his size before he’d been thrown into the war and then frozen in the ice. Tony’s always good to talk to though when he needs someone to remind him that this is okay, that he isn’t taking up too much room just by existing. Somehow, he always manages to get to the heart of Steve’s insecurities and allay them.

He indulges in Tony’s warm touch for a little longer before asking, “So what did you need me for?”

Tony perks up, spinning on his heel and picking up the speck of stardust with his bare hand. “I need your help opening the converter door so I can toss this in. Something must have gotten damaged during the battle with the Hydra’s Scales, because it’s not opening for me.”

“Huh,” Steve says, following Tony through the warren of copper pipes toward the energy converter. He has no idea how Tony knows where he’s going without a map. Steve still sometimes needs a map and he’s lived on this ship for a year. “That’s not something you can fix?”

“Not with what I’ve got on ship. I’ll ask Fury if we can stop in Knowhere later this week. They’ve probably got what I need.”

“Wow, Tony Stark admitting he can’t jury-rig a solution from his lab. Hell must have frozen over,” Steve comments, grinning when Tony turns to scowl at him.

“You shut your mouth,” Tony growls.

“Or what?”

Tony’s eyes turn dark and heated. He slinks closer to Steve, runs his fingers up Steve’s chest, and purrs, “Or I’ll shut it for you.”

Steve’s brain shuts down. “Uh…”

“But not right now,” Tony says abruptly, tweaking Steve’s nipple through his shirt. He spins back around and marches off, leaving Steve floundering in his wake. He gapes after him for a second before hurrying to catch up.

“You,” he says, carefully bumping Tony’s shoulder with his—he doesn’t want Tony to drop the stardust after all—“are a menace.”

“That’s me: mechanic and professional menace,” Tony says cheerfully.

They stop beside the energy converter. Steve can immediately see what Tony means by there being something wrong with it. The converter is made out of some sort of transparent material—Steve doesn’t know what—so he can see right in to where something is twisted in the converter itself, partially fusing the door shut. Even Tony, with all his abilities as an Aurum, can’t reach into an active energy converter without burning his hand to ashes, and the converter has to stay active or they’ll be dead in space, so they’ll have to stop somewhere where he can make the necessary repairs.

“See?” Tony says. “I need someone who can muscle that open for me.”

“Well, I’ve definitely got muscles.”

“Mmm, yes you do,” Tony murmurs. Steve wonders if Tony’s thinking about the same thing he is: that time he pinned Tony to the walls of their shared bunk and—well, now’s not the time to be thinking about that.

He grabs onto the wheel and wrenches it to the left. Tony sure hadn’t been kidding; the wheel doesn’t budge at all. He applies more of his strength, muscles bulging. Under the squeal of metal, he hears Tony’s breath catch, and he grins saucily at him. Tony sticks his tongue out and gestures at the wheel again.

“Come on, Captain Crunch. Put your back into it.”

Steve, having no idea what Captain Crunch is supposed to be a reference to, makes a mental note to ask Tony about it once they’re done here. For now, though, he uses all of his strength and slowly—so slowly—the wheel turns, protesting the entire way. Eventually, he gets it open, letting another blast of heat into the engine room. Tony tosses the stardust in. It flares in the heat of the converter, setting off beautiful gold and purple sparks. Steve closes the door. It closes a lot easier than it opened. Tony hums thoughtfully at it.

“Well, that narrows things down,” he says, once the door is fully closed.

“What, that it was easier to close than it was to open?”

“Mmhmm. Only a few things that could be. Probably need to tell the One-Eyed Pirate though that we have to stop on Xandar instead of Knowhere. I don’t think Fujikawa will have what I need. Steve, don’t let me forget to tell Fury the course change.”

“Got it.”

“And thanks, by the way. Definitely couldn’t have done it without you.”

Steve glows at the praise. Maybe it’s silly, but it’s nice to be reminded that even in this oversized, clumsy body out of time, he’s still able to do some good. “Happy to help,” he says honestly.

They head back to Tony’s little work area, Tony eagerly chattering on about the project he’s working on for Natasha. Steve listens, fingers itching for the drawing tablet he’d left in the galley with Natasha and Clint. Tony is lovely when he’s animatedly talking about his inventions. Steve has half a dozen folders saved on his tablet, filled with nothing but different poses of Tony.

Tony leans up against the workbench and pulls Steve in, looping his hands around his neck. “Now, where were we earlier?” he hums, eyes dark.

“Careful,” Steve warns, bracing himself with hands on either side of Tony’s body. “I might crush you.”

“You might,” Tony agrees, though he doesn’t sound concerned at all. “And I might like that. All that coiled strength pinning me down? Oh, honey, yes.” He shivers, a small delighted smile curling his lips up.

“You just like me for my body,” Steve accuses. It isn’t the truth and he knows that. Tony loves him for many reasons; Steve’s strength is only one of them. But it’s fun to tease his lover and Tony is always happy when he does. He frequently worries that Steve is too serious.

“Yes, darling, that’s exactly it.” Tony kisses him lightly. Steve lets himself lean into Tony’s body a little more, grinning when Tony shudders against him.

He pulls away, tucking his head against the curve of Tony’s neck. “Thank you,” he breathes. He doesn’t know how Tony always knows when Steve is feeling self-conscious about his body, but he somehow does and he always comes up with something that’ll help.

Tony strokes his hair. “Anytime, darling. Anytime.”

[potter-imagines]

Being Thor and Loki's Little Sister and Dating Peter Parker Would Include...

Notes: wow I haven't written a marvel one in a long time pls don't read too much into the timeline lol I know things overlap but just go with it (:

Warnings: none... I think ??

Word Count: 3.6k (sorry its a bit long for a write like this but I couldn't help myself)

You managed to do a decent job at keeping your relationship under wraps from your brothers for quite some time

Of course every other member on the team knew before the two of you even begun officially dating

Peter had spent three months ranting and raving to Tony Stark about how cute he thought you were and how much he liked you

Tony insisted time and time again he should tell you but Peter’s fear of rejection was much too large for him to find the courage for that

Unbeknownst to him,

You had spilled about your crush on Peter to Wanda and Nat almost a week after living in the compound

Being the only other girls there besides Pepper, it was easy to confide in them

Day after day you would wander to Wanda’s room and lay on her bed and gush about how handsome Peter was and how kind of a heart he had

Wanda found it adorable

And Bucky, Steve and Sam had placed the pieces together after days on end of watching Peter and yourself flirt like school kids in the gym during training

Even after being frozen for years, Steve recognized the look of smitten on Peter’s face when he talked to you

Bruce on the other hand had to sit through most of the kids talks with Tony in the lab so he figured it out fast

So when the two of you finally confessed your feelings for one another and Peter asked you out, there was only one road block holding the moment back from perfection

Your brothers

You and Peter shared the news with all the other team members expect the two, possibly most important in your case, members

You’ve been close to your brothers since you were brought into this world so it wasn’t like you didn’t want to tell them

It was more or less how overprotective they could be that made you bite your tongue

And as nervous as you are, Peter is 1,000% more worried about your brother’s finding out

Like honestly can you imagine how petrified Peter would be to tell Thor and Loki you two were dating

He’d purposely walk in the opposite direction every time he saw either of the two for the first week

Couldn’t stop fumbling with his words when he spoke to either of them

Like he was terrified

It’s sort of a cliché to have protective older brothers but older brothers who were also both Gods ????

Peter felt like a deadman walking

When the day finally came that you did tell your brothers about your relationship with Peter, it was absolutely cringe worthy

Peter had been coming home to the tower after a long day at Midtown High School when he spotted you the second he stepped foot out of the elevator

His excitement had clouded his judgement as he failed to check and see if the coast was clear

“Y/n! Hey!”

He nearly tumbled over his own feet as he rushed over to you

His face was gleaming with happiness and for a brief moment you felt a smile creep to your face until you were pulled back to reality by his hand reaching out to grasp yours

Your eyes widened in shock as you stared at Peter and before you could warn him to stop, he had planted a soft kiss on your cheek

That adorable smile was glowing from his face as he reached down for your hand only to fall once you pulled your hand away

He gave you a look of confusion, clearly surprised by your lack of response

But when an awkward cough sounded from behind him, he suddenly knew why

Peter didn’t have enough time to make any sort of a move when a husky, all too familiar voice spoke up,

“Hello, man of spiders. May I ask why you just kissed our little sister?” “Oh shit- I uh, well you see I…um...she had something on her face so I uh…”

Loki would snicker in amusement at seeing the boy squirm and prolong his torture “So you kissed her?” “Yeah…” “Hm, there something you’d like to share, little one?”

It wasn’t exactly the way you were hoping to break the news to your brothers

But it was certainly one way of doing it

The rest of the night was filled with awkward tension as you and Peter had to confess the truth to your brothers, who then made you share the news with the rest of the team

Thankfully, the rest of the team pretended they were just hearing about your new relationship for the first time, seeing as no one wanted to deal with an angry Thor

Now let’s get into your relationship with Peter

Peter Parker is the most caring person in the universe

Honestly

And dating him certainly came with it’s perks

You can expect to wake up every morning with a fresh coffee and a pastry on your nightstand, courtesy of Peter

He’ll also write you a sweet little ‘good morning’ note with a sketch of spider-man hanging from a web

(( he’s actually pretty talented in the doodling department ))

Makes cute sketches of him as spiderman and you as a princess ( vv fitting)

But also draws you as a total badass saving the galaxy bc… well you are

Count on him to be the first person to greet you when the sunrises and the last person to wish you a goodnight when it falls

Gets Mr. Stark to buy you an iphone so he can teach you how to use it

Has your name as “goddess” in his phone

The first thing he does is teach you about texting so he can pay you in imessage games

Refuses to play you in battleship since you somehow have crushed him every single time

Gets slightly annoyed with the overwhelming amount of random photos you snap of him

But he knows its all new to you and finds it irritatingly adorable

Loves it when you walk home with him from school

Will also keep reminding you that you shouldn’t have walked alone all the way to Midtown High School alone

Peter often forgets that you’re Asgardian and can protect yourself just fine

But it’s so cute how protective he is

He’s very observant and notices nearly everything

Like when you’re feeling a bit homesick

He picks up on it right away and will ask Thor and/or Loki for advice

Or when you start to become bored and tired at one of Star’s parties

Peter made his way over you before you even had the chance to turn and search for him

He’d escort you back to your room and lay with you until he was positive you had fallen asleep

Kisses to the top of your head

Is the boyfriend that will take your makeup off for you if you wear any

(( and sets yours lashes on the nightstand so neatly and labels which eye they were on cause the poor boy doesn’t understand ))

Spends weeks learning how to master the intricate braids that adorn your head

It’s so cute cause he’ll sit and look up Youtube videos and try to learn how to make the different braids and is just so confused but so determined

Taking Peter to visit Asgard

“Woah- this place looks like something from Lord of the Rings! It’s awesome!” “Lord of the Rings? I’ve never met that God.” “Uh, no, it’s a movie from Earth. We can watch it when we go back.” “To Midgard?” “Midgard? No, to New York.”

Loves it when your people refer to you as “Princess Y/n”

For some reason it makes him blush

Will tell everyone back on Earth that he’s dating a princess

I could def see Peter getting annoyed and frustrated with the Asgardian men trying to flirt and win your heart

Although that’s something that already belong to Peter

And even though Peter trusts you entirely

He’s still insecure from time to time

Especially when he sees how much taller and stronger Asgardian men look in comparison to him

But he finds reassurance in the feeling of your hand in his and the gleeful smile adorning your face as you show him around your homeland

Attempting to help Peter study

Although you’re not much help to Midgardian school work “Peter, darling, I don’t have a clue what a watergate is and I haven’t an idea how that could be scandalous.”

Maths however you excelled in

And Peter was thoroughly surprised to find you had the sequence of PI memorized to the one hundredth number- and in song form

Holding your hand 24/7

Endless cuddles on the couch

And when you’re walking around together, he does that thing where he swings your hands and back forth

Movie theater dates… at the tower b/c your brothers feel the need to be in close proximity the you guys at all times

Trying ice cream for the first time with Peter at two in the morning

One of Peter’s favorite things to do with you is take you through a walk in his world

At least three times a week Peter and you will walk around the city and find new things your Asgardian self has yet to experience

Like pizza

New York pizza to be exact

And hot chocolate

Ice skating at Rockefeller Center once the weather got cold

Loves to take you for drives in the more woodsy land of New York once fall set in and the leaves began to change

But by far his favorite thing is showing you Midgardian films and movies of all sorts

He loves that you don’t judge him for nerding out over his love for films

Not to mention you actually sit and watch Star Wars with him

(( maybe it was the whole space element but Peter was just thrilled you liked it ))

But then he shows you ‘Alien’

And it was an instant regret

It took him the rest of the night to convince you that the movie was fake

You made him sleep in your room just for reassurance

Your favorite out of the films Peter played was called ‘Toy Story’

Buzz Lightyear reminded you of Thor

In terms of TV shows

F.R.I.E.N.D.S. which quickly became your guys comfort show

Parks & Rec too “That Andy fellow looks an awful lot like Starlord, don’t you think?”

Peter refuses to let you watch Black Mirror

After the whole incident with Alien

Black Mirror didn’t seem like a good idea

Constantly teasing from the rest of the Avengers

Tony just can’t help it

He loves tormenting the two of you

Especially when Thor and/or Loki are around

“Hey Peter, I thought I saw you go into Y/n’s room last night but I didn’t see you leave until the morning. Heard a lot of noise too- thought Y/n was getting attacked. What was that about?”

Or

“Kid, I got you those condoms you asked for. How’d you manage to run out of that last box so quick? I just bought it for you a week ago!” “Messing with you, they’re just sugar packets- Thor put Peter down right now!”

Aunt May absolutely adores you

Always tells Peter how sweet you are and is constantly inviting you over for dinner

Lets you two have sleepovers in his room at her place

As long as the door stays open

Peter can’t stop laughing when you compliment May on her ability to make an amazing bowl of cereal

She thought it was a joke seeing as she burned dinner the night before to a crisp and laughs until she’s in tears

And you’re literally sitting there so confused, clearly not understanding the joke

Peter then takes you on a trip to a grocery store for the first time to show you a whole aisle full of cereal

It is then that you realize Aunt May didn’t hand make the fruity pebbles

She still laughs about it to this day

Befriending Ned and listening enthusiastically while he gives you a full speech on the franchise Star Wars

And his rant on how terrible Star Trek is in comparison

Is shocked when you ask questions out of genuine interest

Ned immediately takes a liking to you after that and asks Peter daily to invite you to hangout

Whenever Stark adds an upgrade to his suit, you’re the first person Peter shows it to

He shares quite literally everything with you

As do you to him

The rest of the Avengers love gossiping about you guys

Nat and Wanda have already started planning the wedding and Pepper has the perfect venue in mind, much to your brothers dismay

For some reason

Thor and Loki are always within reasonable distance, enough so they can keep an eye on you but also give some sense of privancy

Thor is def always the first one to step in

“Peter, please remove your hand from my sister’s behind.” “Oh uh, ye-yeah… sorry, Mr.Thor.”

Loki would find Peter amusing

He loves to mess with him whenever given the chance

“Ah, Peter. Good to see you. I’m sure Y/n informed you of our task today. Very impressed that you offered yourself as the sacrifice to the aliens-” “Wait, what? Y/n?!” “He’s kidding, Peter.”

Everyone in the Avenger’s tower knew Peter was lactose intolerant and knew the repercussions of the boy consuming any sort of dairy

(( he physically cannot leave the bathroom for a full day ))

Yet Loki regularly will swap Peter’s specially labeled almond milk with a jug of skim milk just for the hell of it

There’s something so hilarious to him about the look of panic and alarm that smacks abruptly across Peter’s face as he quickly stumbles out of the kitchen to his room

It keeps him laughing for days

You’ll just shoot your brother a look of disapproval, clearly certain it was his doing

“Loki, why did Peter run off?” “Not sure, darling sister, maybe he’s got one of those stomach bugs. I’ve heard Midgardians are prone to them…weak bodies and such.” "You switched out his milk again didn’t you.” “I haven’t the slightest clue what you’re accusing me of, little one.”

Thor is a bit more hesitant on accepting your relationship with his fellow Avenger

He trusts that Peter would never harm you

Although he did not trust that you would never be harmed because of Peter

It was risky enough that both your brothers were big names in space, as well on Earth, however

Thor knew Loki and himself were capable of protecting you but Peter?

He was just a kid, in Thor’s eyes

However the one thing that kept him from telling you this was seeing how happy Peter made you

As your older brother, Thor trusted your judgement and tried his best to be accepting of his little sister dating

And as much as he wanted to deny it, he saw crystal clear the care and love Peter gave to you and he wasn’t willing to break that for you

Still

Thor is the type of brother to barge into a room and shove himself between Peter and yourself without warning

This man does not care at all

At least Loki has the decency to give you two space as a couple

Thor does not

He is constantly third wheeling on your dates and will ‘accidentally’ walk into rooms he knows you two are in claiming he forgot something

Not that he ever grabs anything,

He’ll usually just stand and stare at the two of you until you either leave the room or ask him to leave

To which he always answers,

“No.”

But with a smile

A smug smile

PDA is something he will never be okay with

Thor will yank Peter back by the collar every time he sees his lips on yours and glare at him, “Man of spiders, I know you’re in love with my little sister but kissing her infront of me is too far.”

And Loki will physically gag just to piss you off

For the most part, your relationship with Peter is nearly perfect

It would be entirely perfect if you weren’t constantly worrying about him dying on a mission or getting hurt

But still, just like any couple, you had your moments

And when you did fight, it was typically over Peter’s safety or him not wanting you to tag along for a mission

Your common way of dealing with conflict was the silent treatment

Which is pure torture for Peter

Not only does he miss the sound of your voice

He misses having you around

Seeing your smile

Hearing you laugh from something he said

He felt terrible everytime

He’d go to Tony for advice and spend hours rambling on to him about how sorry he was for yelling at you and for adding to the fight

Tony would half listen while he worked away on a new system and suit, offering a ‘yeah’ and ‘hmm’ every few seconds which pleased Peter who thought his mentor was fully listening

And after almost two hours of his non-stop talking, Tony Stark had reached his limit

Setting his wrench down on the metal table with a thud he turned around to face the young boy

“Kid, why’re you saying all this to me and not her? I mean, I’m all ears but I’m also not Y/n. I know we’re both good looking so I can see why you mixed us up, but you should be talking to her right now.”

Similar to Peter you also had someone to confide in when the road got rocky

Loki had always been the one you shared all your secrets with

As children you were attached at the hip to both your brothers but Loki a smidgen more than Thor

Your father, Odin, had Thor at his side 24/7 growing up

While he was busy learning the ropes to ruling Asgard, Loki and yourself run amuck causing trouble left and right through the royal palace

Through the years of bonding Loki become your best friend, and you his

So when trouble struck in paradise, your older brother was the one you ran to

He’d welcome you with open arms and a questioning gaze

Loki is by far the best listener in your family

Instead of telling you what to do, he asks what you want, which is a refreshing change

After a long talk with Loki you’d search the tower high and low for Peter while ironically Peter was doing the same thing

When you did finally make-up, it felt like coming home

The apologies were so sincere and genuine

You’d end up having a sleepover in your room watching 80’s films that Peter claimed were ‘iconic’ and laying in his arms

And that’s where you felt complete

Fights never occurred often but bickering ???

DAILY

You two bickered playfully over everything under the sun

Like who’s the better superhero; Ironman or Captain American

Or

Debates between living in New York and living in Asgard

Loves to pull up Midgardian inventions and ask you to guess what it is “Princess, what do you think this is?” “Oh! Oh! I’ve seen this one! Tony has one in his kitchen!” “Okay, so what is it?” “Yes, it’s a chicken nugget maker!” “It’s actually an air fryer but we only ever make chicken nuggets in them so I’ll give you a half point.”

Peter sneaking out of your room at the crack of dawn and sprinting to his

As much as Thor and Loki liked him and supported the relationship

He was sure they’d both team up to murder him if they caught him sleeping in your bed

Steve and Tony, who seem to be incapable of sleep, have watched him tiptoe out of your room numerous times but they only share a look of amusement then go back to their previous discussion

Playing hide-n-go-seek and tag on rainy days at the tower

Cuddling in Peter’s bed while he asks you to tell him stories about Asgard

Loves hearing about your childhood and what it’s like to grow up with siblings

Is fascinated when you tell him about Heimdall

Stealing Peter’s hoodies

Especially his Midtown High School ones

They’re insanely soft

Sweet little kisses throughout the day

He's just so sweet and gentle

Loves getting to hold you and snuggle in his bed

Most weekends you spend lounging on the couch with Peter’s head in your lap while you play with his hair

Other times you’re sitting next to Peter on his bed watching him play some video game and asking a million questions “Who is that man, Peter?” “That’s me, he’s the main character of the game. That’s Mario, babe.” “You’re not Mario- you’re Peter.” “No, the main character of this game is Mario, I’m just playing him.” “Oh… and what is that green dinosaur creature?” “That’s Yoshi!” “Adorable.”

Making out between games

In terms of... y'know... sex

Neither of you were keen on rushing the process

You had tip toed on the line multiple times yet never fully crossed it

Until you had decided to make the first real move after being together for about five months

You trusted him with all your heart so it wasn't exactly scary, but rather exciting

He had a way of making you feel safe, comfortable, and loved all at once

Lets be honest, Peter nearly fainted the first time he saw you naked

And still, no matter how many times the two of you have sex,

He worships every inch of you like it was your first time all over again

You couldn't have asked for a better lover

Dating Peter means a new adventure everyday

You’re constantly learning new things about each other and from each other

Despite coming from two very different worlds

You’ve never felt more connected to a soul until Peter came along

[neverdoingmuch]

now hear me out,,, an au where lan wangji is an editor who works for an erotica publisher and wei wuxian is essentially chuck tingle. (also lwj writes romance novels on the side)

wei wuxian didn’t plan to write erotica he wants to make that really clear, he was actually studying like biomed or something equally “oh wow my parents can brag to the other parents about this”

but, as frequently happens in wwx’s life, he got drunk with nhs, like really drunk and they woke up the next morning with a laptop on the floor beside them and loose paper strewn everywhere

they don’t really remember what they were doing or thinking last night but they’ve both drawn a bunch of really shitty and weird porn (the less said about the anthropomorphic version of wen chao’s pet turtle the better) and wei wuxian has like 20,000 words of an erotica story on his laptop

when he starts reading it, at first he’s like haha what the fuck this is so weird but then it turned out to be really good??? and nhs blushed at some of the ~sexy~ scenes so that’s how wwx knew he was writing the good stuff

anyway they’re sitting there, eating their hangover food and wei wuxian goes so uh my story was good right? and nhs is like yeah it was, top stuff i would buy it and wei wuxian goes what if i actually wrote it,,, haha just kidding,,,,, unless?

and in his defence he doesn’t actually write anything for the story for another like three months but then he finds himself in the middle of exam season and he’s like fuck it stress relief let’s write some erotica

he finishes the book and his exams (which he does well in but whatever) and then spends his summer holidays editing the book

when he comes back, he slaps down a paper copy on nhs’ desk and is like i finished it. nhs, thinking he meant his latest lab write up, opens it up to a random page and starts reading it out loud which was a Mistake

he trails off mid-sentence, and whips around to glare at wwx with all the wrath he can muster. it’s raunchy nhs says and just read it wwx tells him so nhs does

like 2 hours later nhs turns to him and says if it wasnt for you and the librarian staring at me the whole time i definitely would’ve felt something and wwx is like so it’s good? and nhs is like fuck yeah it is but i dont get what you want from me?

pretty much wwx passed out after exams, slept for like 20 hours and then woke up and went i should publish this and decided that nhs should draw the cover art.

nhs agrees of course and a month later wwx self-publishes bc there’s no way he can walk into a publishing house with his porn and not just combust on the spot and he decides to go by the name yiling patriarch

wwx clicks the final button to upload the fic and nhs just toasts him and goes yknow what,, this is the closest you’ve ever gotten to having sex and i’m proud of you

wei wuxian is the man who guarded his first kiss for the first twenty years of his life for someone special,,,, wwx definitely wants his first time to be special and there’s no way he’s putting out for someone he doesn’t think is important & despite having dated before, he’s never gotten close enough to someone to go yeah let’s do it so our boy is still a virgin

so wwx’s entire erotica writing inspiration comes from porn, nhs’ way too in-depth answers as to how his latest date went and uh more porn

wwx blusters about a bit bc how is he meant to respond to that and nhs is like maybe you’ll finally move on from reading those trashy romance novels and read something more exciting and wwx is like how dare you call them trashy!! hanguang-jun is a master of the romance novels!! he understands the heart in a way that no other person has ever!! 

and nhs just chugs a bunch of wine and is like yeah hon okay, do you still blush when the main characters hold hands? and wwx is like no! of course not! (it’s a lie, he blushes a lot)

so nothing really happens with the book at first and wwx forgets about it for the most part but then he wakes up one morning and he’s got an extra like RMB 1000 (i dont actually know much about currency so it’s roughly $200 if my quick interneting is legit)

wwx is like wtf? and once he finds out it’s from his novel he’s doubly like wtf? but then he finds out that someone had purchased his book and did a dramatic reading on youtube bc wwx decided that regular erotica was boring and decided to make it satirical or whatever and people loved it??

he’s got nothing better to do so he just goes hm yeah remember that Author i dated who had an “incredible idea that would absolutely amaze The Critics and helped explore his own convoluted mind” let’s make something of that and he writes another book kinda mocking that idea in a very horny way.

he publishes it and someone writes a review of his two books on their blog and now he’s actually starting to get popular - he’s got more money from those two books than he did by working at the local cafe for the whole week

wwx is poor and broke and semi-disowned anyway by this point so he goes fuck it and spends every moment he’s not studying writing erotica. 

he publishes another like five books by the time the year is out (i know the maths isnt working here but this is a book world where wwx can just do that via the power of loneliness and friends who egg you on)

also?? he varies his books. some of them are porn parody things a la chuck tingle and some of them are genuine porn and one book was just him writing a recipe book but making it sound as horny as possible

by the time he’s published his like 8th book or so he starts getting reviews that are critiquing his book and most of them boil down to the fact that he needs an editor or something 

he ends up asking nhs for help and he’s like oh sweet my brother’s boyfriend works for a publisher who does that sort of thing

cloud recesses actually specialises in erotica and i hate the idea that lqr has spent years reading and editing erotica but sacrifices must be made

(side note that i know nothing about the writing or publishing process so pls don’t judge me too harshly)

wwx goes in with his latest manuscript and ends up arriving like ten minutes late, he rushes into the room sweaty and hot, takes one look at the guy sitting on the other side of the desk, flushes an even brighter red and runs back out of the room. he checks the plaque on the door and walks back in slowly and goes hm i didnt expect you to be so hot

cue lan wangji

lwj has always enjoyed being an editor. what do editor do specifically? idk? edit? regardless, he enjoys it. 

while most of the time he’s happy working from this side of things he also likes writing

lwj fucks. he deserves it tbh. but, while he’s had a tonne of one night stands and fuckbuddies, he’s never actually dated someone. so the fact that he’s writing romance novels under the pseudonym hanguang-jun makes his friend jzx laugh a lot

he tried writing porn once and he just couldn’t do it. it was always too clinical or vague and lacked any actual passion bc he was always going oh okay mc sucks a dick but the guy i slept with last week was like a 6.4/10 when it came to sucking dick so maybe mc should also be bad at it or whatever and it just ends up falling apart,,,, but romance he can do

as an editor lwj has pretty high standards for good erotica but he’s really found himself enjoying yiling patriarch’s work even though he’s clearly just been editing himself so when the guy sent cloud recesses an email asking whether they’d be interested in his latest book lwj was ecstatic. 

he also didnt expect wwx to be so hot

anyway,,, we now get to enjoy a week of lwj thinking that wwx is super hot but even more annoying and then him deciding that annoying is hot and now wwx is just absolutely amazing and wwx is just panicking the entire time 

i want my publisher to rail me so hard wwx texts nhs and nhs just responds has he read the bdsm scene with the alien who has a tentacle dick and a knot yet? and wwx is like no??? nhs just goes shame, it will give him so ideas for if you ever grow a backbone and just ask him out

they publish one book together and nothing happened between them the entire time other than yearning and horniness,, of the heart and body. 

when wwx realises this means that he won’t get to see lwj again he immediately writes a new book and like a month later he’s back in lwj’s office, lying on his couch while whining about the cafeteria prices at university

lwj is very enamoured by the fact that wwx is writing erotica and studying biomed bc wow

they do this for like another three books and wwx’s eroticas evolve from here’s a dinosaur man fucking a politician while a mary sue watches on to be like here’s a dinosaur man with black hair and golden eyes and a stern look to his face fucking a politician while a mary sue watches on

and hanguang-jun’s latest book?? i dont want to say that this au’s version of wangxian is hanguang-jun finally finding inspiration to write porn (his muse is wwx of course) and writing the most amazing porn with feelings and plot novel ever,, but it is. 

wwx read it five times in the first week and when nhs finally tried to read it he was like uhhh wwx are you a narcissist, the love interest is exactly like you? and wwx is like ??? no???? he’s nothing like me??

anyway one day wwx gets called into lxc’s office and lxc is like so i’ve read your latest book (not the dinosaur man, a serious one with like normal people and not overly humorous thank fuck but still full of lwj yearning) and wwx is like okay? and lxc goes yes, see i was worried that you didn’t care very much for my brother but after reading your book i’m not so sure and wwx gets the weirdest shovel talk ever which is interspersed with like compliments for his porn writing skills

anyway lxc accidentally mentions that lwj writes books too and before he can take it back wwx is like who??? and lxc is like are you fucking stupid?? you told lwj to his face that you loved his books,,, he broke his theme of tender romance to write kinky sex with a character that’s a lot like you and wwx is like .,,,,,,,,, hanguang-jun??? HANGUANG-JUN???!!

lxc barely manages to confirm it before wwx is sprinting out of his office and across to find lwj.

regretfully for everyone else, lwj is in the lobby so thirty people get to hear it when wwx comes in and shouts LAN ZHAN!! back then, i really wanted write porn about you! ... i think i have actually? but i want to write porn about you and i want to be able to do the research to make it accurate! and i also want to go on dates and hold hands and feed each other food! and i love you a lot! 

lwj is dying inside bc his brother’s bf is there, his uncle is currently waiting for the elevators and a whole bunch of staff are also there but also wwx likes him??? dinosaur man was lwj??

he goes over and they make out for a really long time right there in the middle of the lobby but no one wants to get between them when they’ve been pining for so long

after that they start dating and they do all the romantic stuff but also,, let’s just say that the next book wwx publishes is a lot more creative than all of his previous books

and they become some writing power couple with horniness of the heart and body and sometimes wwx will be like hey lwj i don’t really know how the logistics of this sex scene will work and lwj will be like we could try it out ourselves? and wwx just pats him on the head and is like im sorry but you dont have enough dicks for it to work ),: better luck next time

[ijustwant2write]

Confidence-Bucky Barnes x Powers!Reader

(GIF credit to @sunoficarus​)

Requested by anonymous: ‘Hello there angel! I've been reading your cute imagines lately and they really warmed my heart and got me out of depression cloud! so i tried to be brave and request something bcs i'm usually shy ><~ can i request a Bucky Barnes x Reader oneshot, the reader is kinda a chubby avenger and she has feelings for him but she gets sad bcs she thinks he'll never fall for someone like her bcs sh's not like the other pretty female avengers annnddd.. yeah! XD~♡’

Characters: Bucky Barnes x Reader, Natasha Romanoff x Reader (platonic)

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name     

Replication=Being able to make a copy of yourself, biological cloning, or the splitting of the body into multiples

Warnings: Insecurity, negative talk about weight/image, sad/crying reader, fluff

                                          *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Opening the fridge, I took out a water bottle, instantly opening it before taking a big swig. We had come back from a mission early afternoon, the team had been away for just over a week, so it was good to be back. Even though I had showered, eaten and unpacked, I still had an immense thirst in me.

"Hey, I'm making toast, you want some?" Natasha asked as she walked in.

"No, I've eaten thank you." I replied, sitting on a stool at the breakfast bar.

As she began making her food, she continued talking."You OK after the last week?"

"Yeah, just tired. The longest mission I've done is four days, it's amazing what a few more days can do to you."

"You were great out there, a real natural. Your powers are much more controlled than they used to be."

"Thanks, it's all down to the training I guess."

"And your confidence."

"Really?"

Nat placed three pieces of bread into the toaster, turning around to face me once the lever was pushed down."Yes! It wasn't like you were extremely shy when you first came, but there's a difference in you."

If only I was this confident around someone else.

“You gonna head up early tonight?” Nat asked.

“Definitely. The last time I used my powers like that was when you guys first brought me in. And that was when I didn’t have as much control over them. I think it’s a good idea, we all need the rest.”

“So am I. Actually, Dr Cho wanted to see you. She said something really medical and science-y to explain why but I made no sense to me. Something about your cells splitting...or recreating?"

"Oh, she did mention that before we left. Think she's trying to help me connect more with my replicas, so that I can confuse whoever we're attacking even more. Thanks for telling me."

She nodded, turning around once the toast popped up. I said goodbye, scrolling on my phone as I made my way to Dr Cho's lab. My power to basically clone multiple versions of myself seemed useless at first, until I figured out how to control them and thought about tactics they were useful in. It was very strategic, everything had to be carefully planned. But now that I was getting used to it, everything seemed like second nature. And I had the team to thank for that. 

"Hey (Y/N), thanks for coming by." Helen greeted as I walked into her lab, holding her tablet as she usually did. 

"Hi. So, am I being wired up to a machine today?" 

She smiled."No, nothing like that. Tony and I have been working together on something that will ensure you can keep track of all your replicas."

Helen turned her back to me, grabbing a tray with what looked like four silver bracelets. She gestured for me to stand by her as she placed the tray on the table in front of us. 

"These are your new accessories." she started, picking up a pair."You'll wear them when on missions, and these will be able to connect you to any replicas you create. It's just to help you keep a better track. And any time they are hurt in anyway, the energy from the hit will drive into your bracelet." 

"Like T'Challa's armour?" 

Helen nodded."But instead of propelling back that energy, it'll just mean your replica can hold the energy and use it as a shield. Say someone was stood behind it and the enemy attacked the replica, the real person behind them would be safe." 

"That's amazing!" 

She held out her hand, wanting me to give her my wrist. I complied, letting her put the bracelets on me. They glowed blue before returning to the silver colour, feeling weightless on me. 

"They're able to become translucent depending on what uniform you're wearing. That way they won't be able to differentiate you from your replicas."

"Wow, thank you." 

"Don't thank me just yet. We still need to trial them. I definitely need Tony for this, just to make sure he's happy with them." 

"I think he's gone to rest right now." 

With a cheeky grin, she said,"Don't worry, he won't mind, this is important." 

Helen left me by myself, and I felt slightly awkward around all of the expensive and confusing technology that surrounded me. A thought flashed in my mind to try out the bracelets, but I decided against it, not wanting to risk anything going wrong. Slipping them off and placing them back on the table, I caught myself in the reflection of the windows. My hands subconsciously moved to my stomach, brushing against it before grabbing the skin; they traced upwards to my forearms, repeating my actions despite my brain screaming that I shouldn't. It grossed me out every time, why would I want to touch those parts of me? 

Turning to look at myself side on, I sighed at how stomach looked, almost wincing as my gaze travelled down to my thighs. All that training, the healthy meals I ate, where were the results? Why didn't I look like Natasha or Wanda? I battled with my conscious everyday over this. The tiniest part of it begged me to not look at myself that way, not to throw my hard work away or belittle myself over such a thing; but that was an extremely rare thing to happen, and that voice was hard to hear. The voice that spoke much too often had something completely different to say. It would force me to look at myself whenever I passed anything reflective, to make sure I looked decent, although I never did. It wanted to point out my flaws, it wanted to make me aware and punish me for looking like this,despite all the hard work I put into training. And training had never been about losing weight, it was purely strengthening, learning how to fight/defend myself as well as keep up with my stamina. 

Taking a deep breath in, I faced myself properly, squeezing my hands in and out of fists as I replicated myself, scanning my eyes over every single version of me. There were seven of me altogether, three replicas on either side of me, and I wondered why I even thought about doing this to myself. I made each replica turn more than the other, meaning I was looking at myself at every angle, and I hated all of them. It wasn't fair. Why was my power to make copies of myself when I didn't even like the one, true version of me? 

"(Y/N)?" someone startled me, my replicas instantly disappearing. 

Whipping around as my concentration broke, my face broke out into a blush as I saw Bucky standing in the doorway. It just had to be him, why couldn't it have been anyone else? 

"Y-yes?" I stuttered, immediately breaking eye contact. 

"Sorry, I needed to speak to Dr Cho." 

"Sh-she, uh, she just left, a-actually." 

"OK, I'll come by later." I glanced up, seeing him move to leave before turning back to me."You sure you're alright?" 

I nodded."Mhm."

He slowly nodded, but mostly to himself."Good job this week by the way, you were great." 

I hated how hot I was feeling after the compliment, even when he was gone I felt embarrassed by myself. Did he see me looking at myself like that? He must have thought I was an absolute weirdo for doing such a thing! 

Helen reappeared, a yawning Tony following in behind her."Right, this shouldn't take too long-" 

"I'm sorry, I don't think I can do this right now." I blurted out."I’m really tired and I want to make sure that the results are accurate." 

They were taken back by my snappy tone, slowly nodding as I refrained from bolting out of the room. Brushing past them, my hands instantly wrapped around my torso, making a beeline towards the elevator. My breaths were sort and sharp as I hit the button, fingers poking into my sides as I crossed them again. Why wasn’t I toned? Why was I able to grab so much skin? Once I was out of the elevator, I picked up the pace towards my room, resisting slamming the door to not gain any more attention. Grabbing the throw at the end of my bed, I threw it over the mirror, making sure I could not see any part of myself before I collapsed onto my bed, covering myself with the bed sheets.

Silent sobs ran through me as I gripped onto the sheets that were bunched up around me. I hated my mind, I hated how I looked, I hated how I could never be at peace with how I looked. Sleep would come to me late tonight, but only once I exhausted myself from crying. And I hoped that I would not dream tonight. 

Waking up, I felt how dry my moth and lips were, and also where the tears had stained my cheeks, as well as my pillow. My neck was aching from the position I had fallen asleep in, it felt worse as I pushed myself up into a sitting position. Rubbing my eyes, I coughed to clear my throat, definitely needing water after I felt how hoarse it was. Although it would have been so much easier to stay holed up in my room all day, avoid questions from everyone (even making small talk could reveal how I was really feeling), staying here would cause more fuss than needed.

"Good morning Miss (Y/L/N)." Vision greeted as I walked the halls.

"Morning." I mustered up the best smile.

"I hope I am not coming across as rude or interfering, but are you alright?"

I nodded, hiding my panic."Yeah, just a little tired from the mission. And I think overwhelmed, it's been my longest one yet."

"That is understandable. Though I am sure the experience will serve you well in future missions, especially with your stamina."

"Yep, hopefully."

Vision hadn't done anything wrong, he was being a good friend. But my mind wondered whether anything had been said about me. Did I look bad? Did I look exhausted? Why did he mention stamina? He could have just left that part out. I engaged with more small talk as we made our way down to the kitchen (Vision liked to be part of an everyday routine), though part of me wished that I was alone again.

"Ah, morning Mr Barnes." Vision said as we walked in, and I instantly cringed.

"Morning." Bucky mumbled, sending a small smile our way, but I quickly looked elsewhere. He was finishing a bowl of cereal as he sat at the kitchen island.

"Miss (Y/L/N), could I tempt you with a fully cooked breakfast? Something that is full of nutrition but still quite enjoyable? I believe it would help with your recovery." Vision offered.

"Oh, that's very kind Vis." I quietly said."But I'll just stick to coffee for now."

"You sure? I wouldn't pass up that opportunity." Bucky added.

I could only muster,"Mhm." before focusing on the coffee machine in front of me.

"Well, the offer stands if you wish for it." Vision said, and I could tell I had upset him.

He said his goodbyes to us as he left, leaving me alone with Bucky. Keeping my back to him, I played with the end of my sleeves, coming up with normal answers that I could say if Bucky started asking questions. I knew that even with backup answers, I wouldn't be able to speak properly to him, my mind would go blank.

"You should have something to eat really. At least an apple or something." Bucky said.

"I'll have one once I've woken up more. Don't feel like eating just yet, think I'm overtired."

"Just make sure you're looking after yourself."

I poured out the coffee into a mug, prepared to leave when I caught Bucky looking at me. My demeanour became smaller, shy, more withdrawn.

"What were you doing the other day? In the lab?"

"I...was testing out a new gadget Tony and Dr Cho created for me."

"(Y/N), I don't want to make assumptions-"

"Then believe what I say. Why would I be lying?"

He looked shocked."I didn't say anything like that."

My eyes cast down, panic setting into my mind, I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. Forgetting about my coffee, I gave myself no other choice than to run away from any confrontation. I thought that would be the end of it, it usually was, but I heard footsteps behind me, heavy ones, belonging to Bucky. At first, I kept going, hoping he was just going to call out to me before giving up, but again, I was wrong. 

“(Y/N), please!” Bucky pleaded.

Not knowing where to go made me falter, it was only for a split second, that was enough time for Bucky to open a door and drag me inside. Breaking away from him, I sighed when I realised we were in an old conference room; it was empty now, no furniture or screens, it was currently being upgraded and renovated. However, that also meant no one would have any intention of walking in, meaning we were very likely to not be interrupted. 

“Bucky, I don’t want to talk about this.” I rushed out.

“So there is something wrong!” he exclaimed, but kept his tone calm.

“It doesn’t concern you.”

“You’re my friend, my teammate (Y/N), I care about you.”

“Fine! You want to know what’s wrong? I’m surrounded by images of strong, fit people, who I work just as hard as, yet I never look like them! I train and train and train, but for some cruel reason, my body never changes. Sure, I’ve slimmed down slightly since I arrived here, but it’s not enough for me. I’ve been called a superhero, I fight alongside all of you with your slim physiques, huge muscles and beautiful faces; so when I see a picture, or news footage of us fighting, I look like the odd one out, the huge odd one out. I don’t look right standing beside any of you, even an agent from S.H.I.E.L.D.”

Bucky didn’t say anything. His mouth was slightly open, eyes squinted and eyebrows furrowed as he continued staring at me. I scoffed, facing away from him.

“Now you’re seeing it. Or at least your thoughts about me are confirmed. I understand. I know you guys are my friends, you don’t care what I look like. But you must look at me in the line up and think I look out of place.”

“(Y/N), I could never look at you, or think of you in that way.”

“You don’t have to pity me-”

“I’m not. (Y/N), you don’t realise how beautiful you are.”

I glanced over my shoulder, shocked by his sentence.“Don’t do this to make me feel better, because it doesn’t work.”

He took a step closer to me.“How long have you been holding this in for?”

“I’m a woman who’s been bigger than everyone else around me my entire life, and I also have powers which made me a freak before people realised I could save them. So, basically my whole life.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Why would anyone in my position want to speak up about this? You didn’t say anything when your nightmares came back.”

I saw that throw him off.

“I’m sorry Bucky, I didn’t mean to...to mention it, or-”

“No, you’re right. I know what it feels like to keep something to yourself. You don’t want to burden anyone around you, especially the ones you love. You think it’s not that important, that you can handle it by yourself, or you can ignore it until it goes away. But that’s not the right way to handle things. I can see that, looking back on everything.”

“But your nightmares were worth talking about. They scarred you, reminded you of that awful past. I’m a stupid girl crying over weight that can easily be shifted if I just work harder.”

“You would work yourself to death if you did that. (Y/N), I see you everyday training hard, making sure your powers are being improved everyday, going over tactics you can use by yourself or with the team. Everyday you ensure you are at your best because you want to help people out there that can’t defend themselves. If people judge you on how you look instead of your actions, they’re not even worth thinking about.”

Letting my arms drop to my sides, I faced Bucky, gathering enough courage to look him in the eyes.“Thanks Bucky.”

“(Y/N) I mean it. I’m not saying this to just be nice. You matter to me.”

“I know-”

“No, you don’t. I...I really like you (Y/N). And I know you may not see me in the same way, but you’re such a caring, powerful and hard working person. We come back from a mission, and you could be carried out on a stretcher but you still keep positive and make sure everyone else is safe before yourself. I’m telling you this because...well it just feels right. I’m also not making this up because you need validation from a man to make you feel better about yourself. You should be able to look at yourself in the mirror and love what you see, no matter what you look like.”

My chin was trembling as my lips pursed, trying to hold back my tears. Shaky breath escaped my nostrils, and as Bucky kept looking at me with those nurturing, safe eyes, I broke. No one had ever said something like that to me. I could tell he meant it. He wouldn’t be putting all this effort into this if he just wanted to be a good friend.

“Do...do you really mean it?” my voice wobbled.

He smiled.“Yes.”

Bucky wrapped his arms around me tenderly, pulling me into his chest. Surprisingly, my instincts made me quickly copy, gripping onto his t-shirt as I started sobbing. My mind was confused. One minute I was absolutely hating myself, then I had covered up my sadness, panicking because someone was about to see me break, and here I was, letting it all out in front of him. But I didn’t feel embarrassed like I thought I would. It felt amazing to feel that dragging weight on my shoulders suddenly lift away, the comfort of someone else was welcoming. 

“Th-thank you Bucky.” I sniffed.“I’ve always thought that I need to keep this sort of thing to myself. I’ve been terrified to even be sad, even though I know it’s OK to be sad, but for some reason, my mind would never let me. It’s been building up inside of me, I’ve never been able to express myself properly.”

“We’re here for you, I’m here for you. I’ll always be here to listen...and you tell you how beautiful you are every time I see you.”

I giggled as I pulled away, wiping my cheeks.“You don’t have to do that.”

“I do. I want to.”

“Thank you Bucky, I really appreciate your help.”

He kissed my forehead.“I’ll always be here.”

[kyber-crystal]

Maybe It’s Meant To Be

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Words: ~3.7k

Summary: Sometimes, love finds people in unexpected ways. In this case, fate has extra special plans for America’s golden boy and one of SHIELD’s best agents in history. And you know there’s no running away from fate once she’s set out your futures for you. 

Warnings: mentions of violence and blood, angst, and once again, soft steve :)

A/N: I haven’t attempted a soulmate AU in over a year. this is one of my fav works but it’s really poorly written rip. The age gap between you and Steve is ~3 years. 2017 AU where they made up after the Accords :) Steve’s back with his WS look bc that suit was hot af

Tags: @pies-writes-and-more​ this is for you! THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS BEING SO ACTIVE ON MY BLOG AND FOR YOUR SWEET AND SUPER ENCOURAGING WORDS. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. AND @marvelsswansong BECAUSE YOU'RE MY IDOL AND I LOOK UP TO YOU YOU'RE AMAZING

Soulmates.

You'd heard plenty about them growing up. Seeing your parents' perfect relationship blossom over the years piqued your interest, and for the longest time, your only wish was to find someone who could love you with their whole heart and soul and mind, like the way your Mom and Dad loved each other.

Unfortunately, as all stories must come to an end, love stories had to find their ending. And not all of them ended on a high note.

Their jobs should've kept them apart from the beginning. Your mother was head surgeon at one of the best hospitals in Brooklyn, and your father was head of SHIELD's navy division. Constantly out and about, they were rarely granted any time to rest. Yet they still found a way to make things work; and it all started because of a run-in at a café around the corner.

Then when you were fifteen, you got word that your father had been deployed overseas again, but this time, he wasn't coming back.

You had to stand there and watch your mother slowly fall apart, breaking down a little more each day until she fell gravely ill. A mere week after her diagnosis of cardiomyopathy, she passed away in her sleep.

A person's soulmark didn't appear at a specific time. It could show up at any point in their lives, when the Gods believed the time was right for them. When those Gods felt the time was right for you to find out who it was, you'd feel a slight tingle where the mark was etched into your skin.

Some people didn't receive the soulmark at all. Along with this came a sense of freedom to fall in love with whoever they pleased, but often times it would end in a loveless relationship. But they were additionally granted the ability of being able to carry on by themselves.

If your soulmate got injured in any way, you would feel the same pain that they endured. And if they died, you would carry a weight around with you for the rest of your life that slowly progressed into a disease. So ultimately, those left in the world without their soulmate would also die in the end, further proving the claim of humans being unable to live without love.

One by one, you watched your friends find their match. They would excited come up to you, goofy grins on their faces as they showed you their marks. You were happy for them in the beginning, of course. But as years went by, and you passed adulthood with still no sign of your designated soulmark, you slowly began losing hope. There was no point in looking forward to the future when you watched one fall apart before your very eyes.

Maybe it was because of your job. None of the Avengers had received their soulmarks either, asides from Tony and Pepper. But they were an exception. Everyone could see it coming from the day they first met, judging by the way they lovingly gazed at each other from across the room. It was a match made in heaven.

You believed that maybe, just maybe, you were destined to be alone. So when you woke up one morning with the burn mark on your wrist, you were taken completely by surprise.

"Hey, Tony? Bruce?" you asked, walking into the lab with a frown. "I need to ask you guys a quick question."

"Ask away, Killer," Tony nodded, using the nickname he'd given you years ago when you first joined the initiative. "What's on your mind?"

"So, um..." you fiddled with the sleeve of your sweatshirt for a moment, before pulling it up to reveal the mark, "this happened."

"That's a soulmark," he stated.

"Yeah, no shit, Sherlock," you rolled your eyes. "But why would it appear now? I don't see any sign of me meeting them anytime soon."

"When did it appear?"

"I don't know. I woke up this morning and saw it."

"Let me take a look at that," Bruce carefully took ahold of your wrist, squinting as he adjusted his glasses to peer at the mark, "huh. So it appeared last night...have you felt any side-effects?"

"Not that I know of yet, no..."

"If you start feeling any severe symptoms, I can prescribe you some medication to deal with the pain, though I doubt that's going to happen. In the meantime, we need to figure out who this could be."

"Imagine if it was someone who already died, and I'm slowly dying right now," you joked.

"No, if that were to be true, you'd be lying in a hospital bed right now."

"Does the symbol have any specific meaning?"

"That I'm not so sure about," Tony shrugged.

Bruce was silent as he began typing away for a bit, before turning the screen over to you.

"I've checked out over a dozen different sites about this, and..."

"And what?"

"Well...once both people discover their mark, they have a week to find each other before both of them disappear off the face of the earth, forever."

"Sounds like a damn time bomb to me," you muttered. "What the hell? I thought that the point of this whole thing was the gods trying to push us with someone else! Not the other way around!"

"I don't know, Y/N," Bruce sighed. "Feel free to do your own research, but everything I've read up on so far says the same thing."

"So basically, what you're telling me is I'm gonna die if I don't find out who the hell has this same mark as I do," you repeated.

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Well, I'll have to worry about that later. Got a briefing with Cap, Bucky, and Wilson in five. Fury's gonna kill me if I'm late again," you breathed out as you tugged your hoodie's sleeve back down. "See ya."

"Agent Y/N," Nick Fury gave you a curt nod as you burst into the meeting room, breathless. "I hope you slept well last night."

"Of course."

"I need you four to track down a weapons dealer in Skagway," he explained as he handed Steve a black manila file folder, "shut down the base, download the intel onto the flashdrive. You’ll be staying at a safe house in Juneau afterwards for about a week to keep things on the down-low in case something goes wrong. Simple in-and-out job."

"When are we leaving?" Sam questioned.

"You're taking off in half an hour. Suit up."

You sighed. Finding your soulmate would just have to wait, then.

...

"Y/N, look out!"

You quickly whipped around and narrowly missed a bullet whizzing past you, as Steve tugged you around the corner, an arm wrapped firmly around your torso as he hid you both behind his shield.

You gasped as you felt a sharp pain in your chest, and Steve immediately pulled away from you in alarm, gripping your shoulders worriedly. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” you panted, trying to steady your rapid breathing, “I’m fine. But we’re gonna have to split up from here if we wanna get the job done faster.”

“Y/N, I can’t-”

“Steve,” you interrupted, the firm tone of voice making him immediately shut up. “I can handle myself just fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure! Go find Sam and Bucky, and I’ll meet you guys by the rendezvous point as soon as I’m done. Okay?”

“Alright.” He looked around for a moment before stepping away, as if he was hesitant to leave you on your own.

Ignoring the slight ache in your chest, you parted ways, darting down the hall with your guns up and ears alert. 

From there, it was easy to fall into your usual routine. Keep all eyes and ears open; don’t hesitate, shoot on sight unless ordered otherwise. If necessary, engage powers but if not, use your fists or bullets. The mantra repeated itself over and over in your head as you followed through with your job.

You hid behind a tower of wooden crates, back pressed up against the steel walls. “Sam. Status update?”

“Controls room with Barnes, disabling all security systems. Steve’s retrieving intel from the north wing. You?”

“Outside on standby,” you murmured, keeping a finger pressed to your ear. Three technicians were loading equipment onto crates as the other six stood guard several yards away. “I make nine hostiles on the load dock straight ahead at twelve o’clock. Three dozen in total scattered around the area. Most likely preparing for an overseas arms trade. We’ll have to stop them.”

“And...done. We’re heading your way,” Bucky reported. “Be there in three.”

“Roger that.”

Exactly three minutes and two seconds later Bucky showed up, with Steve and Sam in tow. You came out from your hiding spot and began making your way towards the loading dock where the agents were stationed. They were quick to stop what they were doing and noticed the four of you approaching, whipping their snipers out and proceeding to open fire.

...

Your breath came out in white wisps of fog as you got caught in between a fistfight with one of the three dozen men on the docks, the freezing cold slowing all your movements and making them feel more sluggish than usual. If it weren’t for the thick material of your suit and your enhancements, you would’ve succumbed to the harsh weather hours ago.

The man captured you into a tight headlock with his thick arm but despite your frostbite you were too fast; you quickly whipped around and grabbed his wrist, twisting it to the side. His eyes widened slightly as he cried out in pain, the sickening crunch of bone echoing through the frigid Alaskan air as you swiftly dodged each one of moves as he attempted to come at you, countering with a sharp right hook to his jaw. 

His body slumped to the ground with a thump. 

“Why the hell do you even carry around a sniper if your fists do all the work for you?” Sam yelled over the cacophony as he released Redwing, swooping down from the rooftops. “Seriously, you don’t need guns! You’re strong enough as it is!”

“I prefer versatility in fights, Wilson!” you yelled back, grunting as you dodged a blow to the stomach, sweeping out your attacker’s feet from underneath him as his head smacked against the wall, before sliding down to the ground with a dull thud. 

“Y/N, look out-” Bucky called out, but it was too late. You didn’t get to hear his warning in time before you felt something cold and hard hit your lower abdomen. A yell of pain ripped through your throat as you felt a sticky warmth spread across your skin, your knees hitting the ground as you clutched the wound.

At that exact moment, Steve felt a sharp pain flare up his side as well. “Shit,” he cursed to himself, “Buck, cover me so I can get to her.”

You were barely clinging on to life by the time he reached you. Your breathing was heavy and labored, your eyes beginning to roll back as you struggled to stay awake. Everything hurt. Your arms and legs felt like they were weighed down with bricks. You couldn’t move. You couldn’t open your mouth to scream, either - you had no energy left to do so.

“Come on, Y/N, stay with me, please stay with me,” he muttered as he began carefully applying pressure to your wound. You let out a hiss of pain at the same time he did. “Just hang in there for me, please. Sam’s getting the Quinjet ready. We’re gonna get out of here in just a few minutes, okay? Please don’t die on me.”

“Look, if I don’t make it-”

“Don’t say that,” he spoke in between clenched teeth while fighting back tears of his own, “you’re not going to die. Not today, not tomorrow, and certainly not on my watch.”

“Steve…” you croaked out, the stinging from the wound almost becoming impossible to bear. Your eyes were becoming heavier by the second, your body throbbing painfully now that all the adrenaline had worn off. It was a struggle just to take in a single breath and to stay awake. "I'm so tired, I can't do this anymore..."

He disappeared from your line of sight as your began seeing spots at the edges of your vision momentarily, before reappearing and pulling you into his lap, trying to put pressure on the area of injury again in an attempt to stem the bleeding. But it didn’t seem to work. There was so much blood. So much of it, coming out so fast. There was no way you’d last out here for longer than ten minutes before bleeding to death.

"Stay with me..." he murmured as he looked up around him. "Hang in there for a few more minutes, please…Damn it, Sam, how much longer is this gonna take? Y/N’s down. We gotta get her to the safe house as soon as we can. She’s bleeding out.”

"Three minutes, tops. I’m circling the perimeter as an extra precaution," Sam replied. "You guys hang tight for a sec."

"We don't have time!" he raised his voice. "Just hurry the hell over here."

"I'm so sorry," you choked out before going into a coughing fit, blood dripping down your lips and chin much to Steve’s alarm. "I'm sorry for everything, I'm sorry for being reckless and not keeping a look ou—"

"Shhh, it's okay," he soothed, "There’s nothing to be sorry about. Just save your energy for later, okay? You're gonna be just fine."

"Hold my hand," you begged hoarsely.

"I already am," the super-soldier answered, but his look shifted to that of an alarmed one when he realized you couldn't feel it. "Y/N—"

"I'm cold," you said weakly, already feeling your limbs grow heavy and numb and your vision growing blurrier with each passing second. "I'm so tired, Cap, I just wanna sleep—"

"No no no, please don't leave me," he pleaded as he felt his head begin to spin as well. Where had the sudden wave of dizziness come from? "Hang in there for a little longer, please, I l—"

You didn’t get to hear the rest of his sentence before your eyes fluttered shut and everything went dark.

...

When you came to, your throat felt dry and raw, the metallic taste of dried blood around your lips and chin overwhelming your senses as you adjusted your eyes to the harsh bright lights streaming into the room. It looked like you were in some sort of antique coastal house, strangely void of belongings with the only decoration being a plain floral calendar hung on the wall opposite you, above the fireplace.

You were still in your suit, but your wound had been treated and wrapped up in a thick set of bandages. The couch you were on was old but extremely comfortable, so you found yourself not wanting to sit up at the same time you wanted to get up and look around.

The blinds were drawn shut, but the sunlight still managed to shine through. It was light outside, but you  weren’t sure what time it really was. The walls were a dull grey, and if you listened hard enough you could hear the faint ticking of a nearby clock and probably Bucky or Sam talking on the phone upstairs with someone in hushed whispers.

You finally pulled yourself up into a sitting position, glancing around at your surroundings. Someone quietly entered the living room and you looked up to see Steve. His shoulders sagged in relief upon seeing that you were awake.

“Hey,” his voice came out so softly it took both of you by surprise. You moved over slightly to make room for him to sit. “How are you feeling?”

“Like crap,” you groaned lightly, feeling a dull ache in your stomach where you’d been hit. “But other than that, I’m fine. What about you? Did you get hurt anywhere?”

“Body aches that come and go, but I’m fine. It isn’t your place to be worrying about me right now though, Y/N. You got shot.”

The curtains fluttered and a cool breeze rushed in, making you shiver. Steve took notice and stood up to go light up the fireplace, then sat back down and wrapped the fleece blanket around your body. You let out a small sigh of contentment. “Thanks.”

“Are you sure you’re alright? You knocked out for over twenty-six hours .”

“I’m fine, Steve, just tired...hey, how’s Bucky and Sam?”

“Sam’s upstairs radioing Fury on the mission status. Bucky’s taking a nap in the guest room.”

“Oh. Okay. So, I-” you were interrupted by a sharp stabbing sensation in your wrist. “Ow. Fuck.”

“Language,” he joked lightly, but when he saw the obvious pained expression on your face, his face fell. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Just...I get those random pains from time to time. I don’t know why, but...they’ve gotten worse since we took off for Skagway and then came here...”

“I’m so sorry,” he apologized, eyes glassy with unshed tears, “I should’ve kept a closer watch over you. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. It’s mine...I should’ve watched my own back better.”

You both fell into an awkward silence for several minutes before he spoke up again, the realization finally dawning on him. 

"Y/N."

"What?"

"Your wrist."

Your brows furrowed in confusion as you looked down and saw the star glowing brightly, sending a white-hot pain down your arm. "What about it?"

Steve pulled at his shirt's sleeve for a few seconds before lifting it up to reveal the same exact symbol.

"We're soulmates," you breathed out, the realization hitting you like a flash flood.

"Yeah, I guess we are, huh," he smiled softly.

“W-when did yours appear?”

“Monday afternoon.”

“Mine appeared in the morning...I showed it to Tony and Bruce and they said I had a week to find who it was or both me and my soulmate would die. So I guess we got lucky, huh? Only four more days, then...”

“Yeah, we did,” he exhaled. “I’m glad you’re the one. I can’t imagine living out the rest of my life with anyone else.”

“But Peggy...”

“She found her soulmate decades ago,” he explained, “which explained why our relationship was so short-lived. I didn’t expect to find mine...especially not after coming out of the ice. Maybe I had this coming from the get-go, I’d wonder...”

“Then how come they’d appear now?” Your brows furrowed together in confusion. “I don’t get it. We’ve known each other for years.”

“Because it was only this year that I accepted it.”

“Accepted what?”

“That I’d fallen in love with you, and I kept that inside for far too long.”

“You...what?” You were officially rendered speechless. 

“Yeah,” he chuckled lightly, face breaking into a gorgeous, million-dollar grin before turning serious again, lowering his voice. “Y/N, I’m in love with you. You are my infinity and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. You’re my present and my future, and I hate that I couldn’t see that sooner. I should’ve known from the start that Peggy and I wouldn’t work out, but I never understood why...until I met you. I didn’t believe in the concept of soulmates because I felt I was undeserving of that love, but then you came along...and I started hoping and praying I’d find someone who’d love me as much as I love you. So now that I know for sure it’s you, that it always has been and always will be...I couldn’t be more happier that you’re my soulmate.”

You didn’t realize you were crying until he reached forward to brush your hair away from your face and wipe the stray tears that fell, before wrapping an arm around you and gently pulling you towards him.

“God, I made you cry, I’m so sorry,” he choked on a sob of his own. “I’m the worst.”

“I’m not mad at you, Steve,” you sniffed as you wiped your nose with your sleeve, and looked up and cracked a small grin. “You’re just so cheesy.”

“Can I kiss you?” he whispered, so quiet you almost didn’t catch what he said. 

“You can kiss me any day, Captain,” you smiled.

“I love you more than you know.”

“I know. I love you too.”

He then brought a hand up to cup your face, allowing his thumb to lightly skim against your cheek, his warm breath fanning against your skin.

When his lips met yours, it was like you were turning back the clock. Everything in the world stopped and held its breath,  and all the hurt, all the sadness and heartache and pain bottled up inside your body, washed away.

...

BONUS

“HOLY SHIT, Y’ALL ARE SOULMATES?”

The sound of Sam’s screeching made you finally break apart for air. You could’ve been like that for two minutes, two hours, or two weeks, you weren’t sure.

You blushed and quickly averted your gaze. 

Steve’s face was as red as a tomato. “Yeah. We are.”

“I KNEW IT! I KNEW SOMETHING WAS GONNA HAPPEN BETWEEN THEM SOON! PAY UP, BARNES! YOU OWE ME TWENTY BUCKS.”

“Come on, man,” Bucky groaned, reaching into his jacket pocket and pulling out a crumpled twenty-dollar bill. “We’re gonna head back home soon, anyways! And you’re not even poor.”

“A bet’s a bet, Barnes.”

“Of course you two bet on it,” you groaned. “Classic Sambucky activity.”

...

NINE MONTHS LATER

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride, Captain Rogers,” Fury announced, a rare smile gracing his normally stoic features. 

Steve did his best not to break down sobbing as he slid the ring onto your finger. With the backdrop of the waves gently crashing against the shore and the sun slowly sinking lower and lower into the horizon, he leaned down and cupped your face in his hands, passionately pressing his lips to yours. Your soulmarks glowed brightly in tandem, lighting up in a brilliant gold hue. 

Needless to say, there wasn’t a single dry eye in the house. 

[orbitariums]

𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐦 | 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 | 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 (𝟒)

part three

note - i wanna thank everyone for reading once again! i'm currently in the process of writing imagines, those will be posted throughout the week, i don't want to clog up my blog bc i want y'all to see this chapter!

this one switches pov a lil more frequently, so bear with me <3 also not as smutty as other chapters, this is more of an emotionally-charged chapter!!! still a teensy bit smutty thooo. i want to make it clear that while this fic is definitely rooted in smut & sex & sex work, it is not porn without plot & will not ONLY be smut as i put effort and time into plot development / character development! i'm sure y'all know that tho. there will be conflict, there will be plot!!! i feel like that's clear already but there's discourse on smut happening rn and i wanna voice myself! omg anyways luv y'all enjoy the reaaad <3

new taglist!

playlist

word count - 8.3k

warnings - age gap, sex work, smut, vibrator, ANGSTYYY like hella dramatic, dirty talk

That slight shift that you and Steve both felt, that happiness that you realized came from talking to one another, only lasted so long... for you. You could hardly sit in your feelings about your situation with Steve before another thing that occupied all your time came crashing down upon you. Except this time, the thing brought you no such happiness or curiosity.

    You had spent almost your entire senior year working on a special lab project about drought tolerant plants in Southern California where you lived and went to school, and your professor was making completing your project incredibly hard for you. And you felt incredibly stressed out about the entire situation - not only was the project necessary to graduate, but it was your heart and soul for the past year. Now, your professor was basically saying it was "ineligible."

     "Ineligible?" Aaliyah repeated after you, after you told her what your professor had said.

     "Whatever the hell that means," you huffed as you power walked down the street, hand in hand with Aaliyah, your free hand holding a coffee.

     "That's so fucking annoying, holy shit," Aaliyah pressed a hand to her forehead. "He had the whole year to talk to you about changing your topic and...”

     "And he never did," you sighed, frowning. You settled down onto a bench where the two of you sat next to each other, staring out into the busy streets and sipping your iced coffees.

California was a beautiful place, and you were a native, you'd lived there all your life. You knew the ins and outs of your city, knew Southern California like it was your backbone. And you loved it here - loved the sun, the beaches, the way the people were either shady in the best way or incredibly friendly. You'd never really known any other place like you knew this place. You were just glad that if you had to be stressed, you could do so in California.

Aaliyah pouted, feeling for you. She placed her hand on your knee to be comforting,

     "Babe..."

     "It's okay," you sighed. You sucked it up, like always, because you had learned how to fend for yourself ever since you realized that depending on others could only lead to downfall. You would figure this out the same way you figured everything else out... on your own. You figured out your house on your own, your job, your finances.

     "Is it, though?" Aaliyah pursed her lips and squinted at you. Despite how much you tried to fend for yourself, Aaliyah was always there for you. She was one of your biggest supporters.

     "I'll just keep visiting during his office hours and work this out."

Aaliyah rolled her eyes,

     "Men are so annoying, girl. You know what, he probably wants to fuck you. With your fine ass. That's why he's doing all this."

You chuckled, shaking your head and covering your mouth, trilling back in response,

       "Okay girl, don't get too ahead of yourself."

       "I'm serious! Men are evil. Oh, except your fave."

You made a face, nearly choking on your iced coffee. This was news to you,

       "Who are we talking about?"

       "You know," Aaliyah sang slightly, nudging you and leaning against your shoulder. "Mr. Won't Show His Face."

You scoffed, rolling your eyes, but bit down on your straw with a knowing smile, eyes peeking out over the top of your shades. If you were being honest, this idea of Steve, whoever he really was, had been a fun thing to entertain during this period of stress. You'd been talking and engaging with him for two and a half weeks now, and the connection you two had was undeniable.

But you knew better - maybe he wasn't just another customer, because you could really talk to him and felt like he was real - then again, he was strictly a customer. You liked him, a lot, but you couldn't like him any more than you already did. That would be dangerous and silly, and create unrealistic expectations. It wasn't like you could go on dates or anything.

    Still, talking to him (and performing for him) did help to distract you from your stress, at least for a small amount of time. Steve was becoming less shy, less inhibited. He cracked jokes and was starting to keep up with your innate sense of sexuality, starting to navigate you, find you the way a bee might find its nectar, hidden deep inside the curvatures of a flower.

If you were a flower, you'd probably be a sunflower - bright, yellow, almost always in a positive mood, or at least trying to keep yourself in a positive mood. More than that though, sunflowers were tall and looming - you felt like that represented your put togetherness and how hard you worked, how smart you were. Only sometimes it was hard to keep yourself up and tall, but you always did it, time and time again.

But when it came to Aaliyah's comments about Steve, she mostly just made you laugh.

    "Haven't seen him yet, have you?" Aaliyah asked, raising her brows expectantly.

     "No. And I'm fine with that. He's simply another very loyal customer who I happen to like."

     "Hm," Aaliyah hummed, and you could tell her mind was up to something - some very wishful, and mischievous thinking.

     "What are you up to?" you narrowed your eyes at her and glared at her, and she just shook her head with a lazy smile,

     "Nothing. Just thinking that maybe it would be cool if he really was this really hot guy that you actually knew and he wasn't creepy and y'all... you know... started dating. Just to get your mind off a lot of crap. I know, I know, strictly against the rules, blah blah blah. No feelings for customers, it's basic shit. But in a perfect world..."

      "I know," you sighed without thinking, sipping at your drink.

     "You know?" Aaliyah questioned, surprised.

You shrugged,

     "So I've thought about it. Except, you know, in a perfect world, I'd meet a guy like Steve in like, a farmer's market or something. Not on my shady ass cam shows."

Aaliyah snorted laughing, and at the sound of her laughter, you joined in.

You continued,

     "I mean, not Steve exactly, because that would be weird. I just mean, a guy like Steve."

     "You mean a guy who makes you feel the same way he makes you feel," Aaliyah corrected you, and you glared at her again, pushing her gently.

     "Don't push it," you teased, but you meant it - you might have liked Steve, but that was all there was to it - you liked him, he was a distraction. And maybe even that was too much.

✺ ✺ ✺

As for Steve, he thoroughly enjoyed his time with you. He thought constantly about how you made him feel, how much he looked forward to talking to you. How everyday, his worry about your situation becoming more serious dissipated slowly. He could feel himself easing into you, everything that made up this character you created called Moonrose. Conversation seemed casual, like you knew each other in real life, it felt easy, and there was no pressure.

As for your connection, he had finally acknowledged that it was real, and more than either of you had wanted to realize at first. But now, there was no shame, no worry in acknowledging what the two of you had, because you were both smart enough to keep it at this level. It was like a shallow pool. There would be no drowning.

He mostly talked to Bucky about you when it came to the emotional aspect of it. He still feared that if he talked to Tony, it might come across as an issue, and might put a pause on what he had with you. But everyone noticed how different Steve was acting. Even without the phase he had gone through where he was sexually frustrated and angry, he still acted different.

Lighter on his feet, more smiley. And he was always on top of his work. You weren't distracting him from his duty, so that made the fact that he knew you had a unique connection with him more bearable. Because of you, he was learning to worry less. To have a little more fun.

    It was a bright day that week, the sun filtering in through the large windows of the meeting room where everyone was gathered. Steve was engaging in some mindless conversation with Sam and Bucky in which they were debating whether or not pineapple belonged on pizza.

     "No. I'm not sure why everyone keeps trying to put all these twists on pizza. It's pizza," Bucky scoffed, Sam rolling his eyes as a result.

    "You're just closed off. With your old ass," Sam retorted, and Steve made a face. Sam raised his hands up in surrender. "You know what I mean. What about you Steve?"

Honestly, Steve had never even tried pineapple on pizza and he didn't understand why there was such a big fuss about the banal question.

    "I don't really have an opinion," he shrugged, not expecting Sam and Bucky to start clamoring over him and trying to force him to pick a side.

    Before he even got to grasp the situation, he felt Natasha patting his shoulder,

"Hey, mind if I use your laptop? Mine's gone haywire, don't really feel like messing with it right now."

"Yeah," Steve agreed without a second thought, setting his laptop on the table and letting Natasha handle it- she was better with tech stuff than he ever was.

Natasha would use his laptop to showcase some data and start off their morning. It seemed innocent enough —a simple, barely impacting sacrifice. But Steve clearly hadn't thought everything through, because the moment Natasha logged in and hooked up Steve's computer to the holographic projector, more than just data appeared on the screen.

In fact, a whole array of women, all of them engaging in various sexual acts or preparing themselves to, showed up on the screen. And at the top, where the browser was, were the words "girlsonfilm.com."

Steve hadn't noticed all the clamor, too busy thinking (thoughts of you and thoughts of work), until Bucky called it to his attention.

"Steve," he nudged him frantically, his voice a loud whisper.

When Steve looked up at the screen, his face couldn't have gone any redder. He hadn't thought about this at all, and he had clearly forgotten to close out his browser. His heart sunk all the way to his stomach - because it wasn't just Natasha seeing this, it was everybody. And that included Tony, who was glaring pointedly at Steve from the head of the table. Meanwhile, all the others were too busy heckling Natasha and making brash comments about what was appearing onscreen. To Steve's relief, your face didn't show up, but this just might have been worse than only your screen appearing.

     "Woah, Nat, I didn't know you got down like that!" Sam hooted, cupping his mouth with his hands.

Natasha, though she was in shock as well, rolled her eyes,

     "This is Steve's laptop."

Now a hush, then another clamor of confusion and heckling, all directed towards Steve. He couldn't recoil any more, feeling the pangs of embarrassment as his eyes flashed between every one of his teammates. He felt as if there were an asteroid approaching fast, and he was right where it would land, too slow to move out of its way.

     "Steve, what do you know about 'girls on film'?" Sam nearly cackled, reading the name of the site.

Steve sighed deeply, locking eyes with Natasha as he mouthed "turn it off" to her.

     "I am, I am," she ensured him, quickly disconnecting the laptop from the projection, unplugging completely.

A beat passed, everyone staring expectantly at Steve, who was staring down at the table, trying to process his own thoughts. Like for starters, why didn't he log out the last time, and why didn't he remember to log out? And then his mind went to deeper places. He hadn't been intentionally secretive with his actions, but he had been intentionally private. It had to do with his own growth, he was learning how to navigate a world that was new to him and somehow helping him at once. He didn't want to have to share this with everyone, it was nice having this to himself, he had no intentions of revealing what he had been doing in his past time that made him so happy.

One of the reasons he didn't want everyone to know about his situation was because he didn't want to have to be concerned with what everyone else might think. Because to begin with, being on a site for cam shows wasn't exactly everyone's idea of what Captain America might be up to these days.

It was a matter of his image, what values he was supposed to hold. This didn't exactly match, and Steve had just gotten over the idea that he was a bad, sneaky person because of what he chose to indulge in. At least here he knew it was ethical and not causing harm to you as a human being.

He also didn't want to have to deal with the insufferable questioning and teasing his team would put him through, or the judgment he thought they might put him through. He felt embarrassed, exposed, and like he had been ill prepared for a situation like this. He was just grateful they hadn't seen more, because that would've been a disaster. What they had seen was only at the surface level of what he'd been doing.

But his thinking was interrupted by Tony's voice, which broke through all the silence, and made Steve realize again the eyes that were on him.

     "Well, jig's up," Tony sighed, leaning back in his chair. "Care to explain?"

Steve locked eyes with Tony, as if hopeful that he wouldn't have to, but he knew it was best for him to just spit it out. Tony shrugged apologetically, and Steve took in a deep sigh, looking around at everyone at the table.

     "What was that?" Scott whimpered, probably the most distraught by what they had all seen.

Steve nodded solemnly and began to explain himself. He would tell the truth, but that didn't mean he had to tell them everything. You would be left out of this, if anything. He'd just explain to them that sometimes, duty calls - and sometimes, it's not at all work-related.

✺ ✺ ✺

It was just hours before your cam show when another disaster struck, the first one being the fact that your professor was giving you shit about your project. You were in the bathroom, getting ready for your show, fixing your hair up and doing your makeup, laying out an outfit, doing all the things you did to feel pretty before a show.

    Your phone lay beside you on the bathroom table, pinging with messages every now and then. You ignored it, leaning closer into the mirror to get a look at your lipstick, dabbing your fingers into the pigment on your lips.

You smiled, feeling that gratifying sense of achievement. Despite what was going on with your professor, you felt like you were doing well in life. You usually had a positive mindset, enjoyed your work although you sometimes felt as if you were buried deep in all your occupations: student, office worker, cam girl, designer, young woman. Your life was never dull, and you wouldn't trade it for anything. Talking to Steve helped too, but it was more than that.

But that sense of satisfaction all seemed to dissolve when you looked down at your phone, and saw a text from an unsaved number, glaring bright on your glowing lock screen of you hiking with Aaliyah. Still, you recognized it immediately.

xxx-xxx-xxxx

I miss you. Text me back.

✺ ✺ ✺

Steve wasn't exactly keen on joining your live show today, but he did so anyway, because he still had time to himself despite the spiral of events that had happened earlier. There was nothing else to do, and he didn't want to miss out on you after attending almost all of your shows for the past almost three weeks. Didn't want to just leave unexpectedly.

It felt strange that he felt this tug of commitment, but he brushed it off. He was just fulfilling his needs, which should even be expected of him. He was stressed again, after being caught up like he was. And maybe that was all the more reason not to watch your show tonight, but he wouldn't devoid himself of the simple pleasures of life. He'd learned that lesson a while ago, from a special someone called Moonrose.

After everything transpired, he explained himself calmly to his team, slowly to ensure that they'd understand that this wasn't the beginning of a deviant phase, that he wasn't throwing away his work responsibilities to lurk on the NSFW side of the internet. Not that they ever thought that to begin with, they never questioned his abilities or his authority for a minute, not even in the midst of what they'd seen that had shocked them.

This was the product of Steve's own insecurities and his admittedly silly fear that he was somehow letting his team down. He told them that he was on the site, as recommended by Tony, to relieve some "frustration" that he felt he didn't have the time or the means to release in real life. He said that while it had helped him do that, he wasn't throwing away his responsibilities, nor was he dependent on the site or the things on it, or the people on it for that matter.

He knew that if they knew about you, all those private sessions, all those conversations you'd had, the connection you had built between the two of you, it might be a different story. But because they didn't, they appreciated his honesty. They were confused, it didn't seem like the kind of thing Steve would be into, and he ensured them that it was a shock to him as well.

But they didn't mind on the whole, it was just a shock to everyone at first. They didn't think it called for a meeting, thought it was almost humorous how serious Steve was being about such a trivial situation. Wanda had joked about how we've all been there, Thor denied ever having to do such a thing because: "I have all the romantic partners anyone could ask for. I could introduce you Steve, but these Asgardian women are fiery, far beyond anything I believe you could handle." In the end, Steve was relieved, felt like it didn't have the disastrous outcome he'd been expected.

But he could feel his guard slowly coming back up. That was a close call, and it was a little too close for comfort. He didn't want to disregard you, but he couldn't afford to sink further in, and get his team involved. He just didn't want to face the consequences he could imagine if they knew how much he decided to stick with you, how much you talked, how it was teetering off the range of normal customer to cam girl interaction.

It wasn't like he was careless when it came to his interactions with you, but he also didn't want his team to know about his business when it came to you. He didn't want them thinking he was engaging too much, didn't want it to get to the point where he was worrying again or felt like he needed to deny himself such wonderful feelings.

All these things were on his mind while he waited for your live show to start. When it did, and he saw your face, he felt a little bit alleviated. Just for now, he could have this fantasy to himself. If they knew about the site, so be it. At least he had you to himself.

      "Hey guys," you mustered a smile, waving to the camera.

Unbeknownst to your viewers, you had spent the past few hours off camera panicking, on the verge of tears, calling Aaliyah frantically so she could help calm you down. That text from that mysterious unknown number had been from your ex's number. The same ex who made you fall into dependency patterns that you worked so hard to get out of, the one who made you feel like you had to work for his love. Like it wasn't something you deserved, just like anyone else.

You had worked so hard to finally wring out all the effects of him, all the bad habits you had fallen into because of him. That was part of the reason why you worked so hard. Not because you were actively avoiding him specifically, but because you were actively bettering yourself. You weren't looking for a relationship. But you knew that if you were in one now, the same things would never happen to you.

When you got that text, it triggered a flood of memories. Feelings you had to work to suppress and actually get over for months so you wouldn't fall back into the same desperate, needy patterns when it came to your relationships with people. All over a simple text from someone you hadn't heard from in almost a year. It hurt you how easy it was to get you to crack, even if you didn't spill out all the way. But on top of the added stress because of school, you were damn close.

You would do the show tonight, anyway. It helped you to escape, although Moonrose was a part of you, it didn't one hundred translate into real life. So in a way, this helped you escape real life. Just for a while. Just like Steve.

You grinned when you saw concerned comments from your watchers:

johnGuy182

Are you okay, moonrose? You seem a little sad.

zenongirl

Girl r u ok? i missed seeing your face!!!

     "Guys, I'm okay," you grinned. And you actually felt better seeing comments from your supporters. It reminded you to cheer up - they were looking for a good show, not a sob story. You leaned back, revealing your stomach in the sheer, sparkly fringed bra you chose to wear (another piece you had designed by yourself). "It's been a looong day."

Steve watched silently, observing your behavior. He didn't notice drastic changes, but you did appear less chipper. Then again, he brushed it off. He didn't expect you to be smiley all the time, you were human too, and this was your work.

"But I'm okay," you reassured, giving that signature grin, genuine and charming and alluring. You were trying to gently distract yourself, get into your act. "I hope you're all just as lovely as I am. I have a special game for you today."

You directed your viewers to your spinning wheel, which you had been working on crafting that week for a game. You grinned as you spinned it. Each act on the wheel cost a certain amount of tokens, and by the end of the game you would garner a bunch of funds. The show went by relatively quickly as you played the game, eventually ending up completely naked.

As ordered by the spinning wheel, you were to use a vibrator. You held it against your clit at the highest setting as you watched the numbers of viewers and the tokens jump up, Steve watching as he stroked himself leisurely. Your legs shook as you restrained yourself from your orgasm so as to increase the length of your showtime, garner more coins to encourage you to come.

     "Mm," you moaned, massaging the vibrator against your clit, getting wetter and slicker by the minute, sliding the toy between your folds. You laughed, breathless. "Fuck, this thing is so powerful. Someone make me come, please make me come. Just a few more tokens for me to come for you."

Steve was hesitant, but he decided to go ahead and give you the amount of tokens you needed. And when you heard the chime of the tokens being added to your account, and saw the name it was attached to, it was like a blast of euphoria. When your legs started to shake, when you started to moan and your stomach started to rise up and down, it was genuine. It was like you were back in a private room with him, although you weren't.

Your orgasm was blood-curdling in the best way, and you felt like you were releasing part of the stress of the past day, the past week. It didn't get any realer than this, once again you felt like he was really there to satisfy you.

      "Oh!" you exclaimed, your mouth dropping open and your blood flowing, moaning. "Yes, Steve, I'm coming for you. Thank you for making me come, Steve!"

Steve had been stroking himself along with you as he watched, and only let himself come now that you had come, his cheeks heating up as he heard you moan his name, something he hadn't been expected. Something about you saying his name like that where everyone could hear, even though he enjoyed the intimacy of private rooms, felt victorious. It felt lewd, salacious, but he couldn't help but enjoy that aspect of it. He moaned through grit teeth while he came, stroking himself to completion.

You came down, thanking everyone for attending and ending the show. But it wasn't long after that you had requested Steve for a private chat. He accepted, because he had gotten used to you doing this a little more frequently. It didn't scare him any more, he just thought of it as making conversation, taking advantage of this connection you had with each other. So when you requested, who was he to say no.

When the chat log opened, you put on your best happy face for Steve, trying to conceal how fatigued this week, today in particular, had made you. But your tired, bleak voice gave it all away, buried deep beneath your smile,

    "Hey, Steve."

Steve was surprised at the sound of your voice. Again, while he understood that you wouldn't be a happy go lucky fairy like personality all the time, he wasn't expecting this. You were smiling, but the weariness in your eyes was hard to miss. And your voice, which usually told light hearted tales, sounded worn down as if from tragedy. He was concerned, his eyebrows furrowed gently,

     "Hi. How are you?"

     "I'm good!" you exclaimed, trying your hardest to really sound "good."

But you were just tired. Tired and sad, and scared - scared of what the future had to hold. You were already dealing with school stress, and the text from your ex-boyfriend was like a bad omen, an anxiety-provoking assurance that things actually would not get better and they would in fact get progressively worse. You weren't even sure why you thought you should be talking to Steve if you were tired and just wanted to sleep off the weight of the week. It would be a weekend tomorrow, and one of your very rare days off.

Maybe you figured that you wanted to talk to him despite your fatigue, because conversation with Steve was a nice distraction. You had let yourself forget that this was still your job, and that you were too tired for anything sexual — you knew he liked talking to you, but you hadn't put into consideration the fact that he might request a sexual act from you. You would be burnt out if he did. The fact that you didn't think about that should've been telling, but your brain was too scattered to think straight.

Anyway, Steve called your bluff, and laughed quietly, his voice inquiring and pressing,

      "How are you really?"

That was all it took to get a deep sigh to come from out of you, all it took to allow yourself to show your true feelings, at least the surface of them, what you felt comfortable showing a customer. You felt a sense of relief and gratefulness for Steve, like he was letting you breathe. And if anything, he especially wasn't enlisted to listen to your problems. But he wanted to, and for that you felt foolishly grateful.

    Steve noted the deep sigh that came from out of you, and he frowned slightly. He could tell you had been holding this in for a while, and some part of him felt remorse for the fact that even though you clearly weren't in the right mindset, you went on and did your show anyway. He felt some guilt for being a part of the reason why you did your show.

    You answered, allowing your voice to be as honest as possible.

    "Honestly?" you chuckled a little, albeit bitterly. "I don't know if you really want to hear me rant to you."

Steve shook his head.

    "Don't be silly," he grinned. "I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to."

You felt a warm rush in your chest from the reassurance, and the corner of your lip quirked up in a small smile, before you decided to dive in. You'd spare the emotional details, spare your private life. But it would be nice to talk to someone, just about the general things, right?

    "Well, it's been a pretty stressful week, honestly. I mean, school's been the main source of my stress. My professor's such an asshole, he's basically been telling me my entire senior project, which I need to complete to graduate, needs to be redone? And I can't even fathom how I would have enough time to do that with like, two and a half months left of my senior year. I mean, he said I can keep most details, but I'd have to rework it, whatever that means."

    You kept your emotions at bay, sighing in annoyance just at the story you told, because it really was irritating you. But then you felt deeper things, even more went into why you really were upset.

    Steve nodded, just listening. He was prepared to offer advice, but in your situation, he thought that maybe just letting you rant would be best.

    "That's gotta be annoying," he shook his head understandingly. "Whatever your project is, I'm sure it's wonderful. He shouldn't be forcing you to rework it or make any last minute changes."

    "I know!" you nearly jumped up, feeling amped up now. "And it's just so fucking annoying because I work so hard and I'm really passionate about this project and it just feels like..."

    It felt like you were about to overflow, like a pot of water that had been left on for too long. You were ranting almost uncontrollably now, maybe because of the fact that it was more than this that was tugging at you. Because you'd been carrying the weight of your life on your shoulders all the time, like Atlas carrying the sky, and it felt like that weight was finally starting to mean something.

    Steve could see you were unraveling and he let you, he let you take the time you needed to feel everything you had been holding. If your connection was strong, it was at its strongest here. Sure, you and Steve chatted about a little bit of everything, even had deeper conversations here and there as the weeks went by. But you had yet to genuinely complain to him, because every time you spoke with him, you were happy go lucky Moonrose, with nothing to complain about to begin with. But now, you needed a release by any means, and you were just glad Steve was there for you, even if he wasn't really there. How unlike you to unfold in front of strangers.

   Your breath stuttered as you took in a deep breath in a failed attempt to calm down, only further driving yourself into your rambling. You felt yourself tear up, your voice becoming watery as you continued,

    "It just feels like all my work is turning to shit, and it's so fucking frustrating because I work so hard all the time, I do so much and I manage so much all the time."

     The "hard work" you were talking about wasn't just school and work-related, it pertained to your journey, and how hard you had worked to be a better person. To support yourself. The emotions pent up inside of you, they were more than just being upset over a school project. The idea of someone toxic trying to re-enter your life, someone who had forced you to rework the entirety of your life, made you feel like you were on the verge of crashing. You knew better, but you didn't want to return to those dark days, where the light at the end of the winding tunnel that was your relationship seemed so far away. It was why you were so weary of relationships today. It was crazy how one person could change your life so easily.

     Now you were crying, before you even noticed that you were crying. Tears just seemed to leak out of your eyes, sloshing wet and sudden against your cheeks and underneath your lashes. You wiped them away quickly with the back of your hand, frazzled at the fact that you were crying in front of a customer right now. Steve said he'd listen to you, he didn't say he'd watch you cry and be your therapist. You instantly regretted it, although you couldn't stop yourself, tears threatening to emerge again. If you were cracked before, you were spilling now.

    Steve was surprised too, at the fact that you were crying. You appeared so put together to him, it was almost something he didn't expect from you. He was in shock at first, so much so that professionalism was not on his mind - it was an afterthought. Right now, instead of wondering if this was appropriate, he was occupied with you.

    "I'm sorry," you murmured, but you still hadn't stopped, tears falling out as you blinked. Composure was nothing now, you were sobbing, your shoulders slumped and your head hung as you sniffled. Still you enforced control, wiping away every tear that fell with the back of your hand. "I'm really sorry, I don't mean to cry to you over this, that's so-"

Steve cut you off, shaking his head slowly,

    "It's okay to cry, doll. We all have those days. I know better than anyone that we all have those days."

    You mustered a smile, feeling cared for, feeling accounted for by someone who wasn't even obligated to have to see you like this. Still you shook your head, sniffling,

    "I know. But it's-it's stupid, I shouldn't be crying in front of you."

    "I'm not judging you," Steve said, so nonchalantly and firmly, so genuine that it almost scared you.

You blinked. He should've cared, and he should've judged you. To cry in front of Steve, a customer, was to imply he had some duty to comfort you when he probably just wanted a show. You knew that you didn't have to do anything you didn't want to, but even you had rules when it came to what your customers got to see, and to you, that meant they didn't have to deal with your blues.

     "Really?"

     "Really," he reassured you with a nod.

    Was Steve scared that by giving you this reassurance, this entire situation could become deeper than either of you could handle? Yes. But did he let himself shut down because of those pervasive thoughts that he might get himself into trouble? No. He didn't see you as a liability right now. Right now, even though the situation was certainly questionable (and this was something he had no doubt about. When emotions get into the mix, things could get tricky- he knew this), he saw you as someone who desperately needed someone to talk to. Maybe it wasn't smart of you to make him that someone, but regardless, he was, and who was Steve Rogers not to listen to a person in need?

    You blinked away the last of your tears and swallowed hard. You were making this choice consciously, to tell Steve what had really gotten you to your breaking point. And maybe telling him meant you had trust in him, maybe too much trust for someone who, while great, was still a customer. But you felt like there was nothing you could lose from telling him. Maybe you'd even feel better after the fact.

    You looked down, picking at the body glitter on your arm that you had applied before the show. Your voice was considerably quieter now perhaps because you were looking back on the moment with a clear mind for the first time since it happened. You hadn't been thinking straight ever since you received the text just hours ago. Now your brain was a little quieter with the help of your tears and Steve's reassurance.

       "I think that the stress of this school project is making me resent how hard I work for everything, just to be met with this kind of result, you know? And it's even worse when... things seem to be going backwards. You know, like when you make so much progress, moving on from things that don't serve you, and you've finally done it and you get to flourish in it and then, it just gets taken away from you. Maybe I'm being dramatic, but that's just how this feels."

     Steve nodded, his jaw ticking as he let your words settle in. Somehow, although your situation was so different from his, he felt like your words perfectly described how he felt with the world sometimes. It was even part of the reason he'd held off on talking to you like this, held off on getting too involved. He too had made so much progress in this world, which took so much getting adjusted to in a way that absolutely nobody else could relate to.

    It was a world that he didn't even know, a world that he had never been properly introduced to. He'd had to fend for himself. He did his healing on his own, just like you had. And yet sometimes it felt like he had no control, like the universe was going the opposite way of all his plans. Then he felt stupid for even having plans to begin with, because in life, making plans was like comedy for the gods.

    There was a weird feeling in his chest and stomach, like he'd been stabbed with a gutting realization, and the knife was just turning inside of him, churning his insides. He began to feel a sense of unease, because this deep conversation was beginning to feel incredibly personal. Even though you were talking about your own situation, he couldn't help but think about how much he resonated, and the fact that he felt like he could relate to you on such a deep level scared him. This was more than the conversations you'd had before, more than the simple similarities you and Steve shared. This felt like a conversation that might be too telling for his good and your own.

     He swallowed his words as he listened to you continue. You chose your words carefully, but you had shed yourself of your inhibitions when it came to being truthful.

     "Earlier... I heard from someone I hadn't heard from in a long time. And it kind of pushed me over the edge," out of your mouth stumbled a laugh. You were calmer now, and looked up at the camera, Steve swallowing hard when you did so. It was all so real, just like it was when you touched yourself and moaned Steve's name. "I think it just made me feel all those things I just explained. Because I feel like I worked so hard to rid myself of this person and them trying to come back just feels like all the things I worked so hard on are going to unravel. Even though I know they aren't, it feels like a setback. And that was like, the icing on the cake to this already terrible day, I guess."

      You let out a breathy laugh and smiled gently, shaking your head slowly.

     "I normally wouldn't be telling this to a customer. But here we are. Again, I'm sorry... I feel like I shouldn't have said anything? Should I... have said anything?"

In the brief silence that followed your question,  both you and Steve were thinking the same thing - were you going to regret this? Intimacy both physically and emotionally was good when you capped it at what you both knew to be appropriate. When it came to the physical aspects, you each let your fantasies unwind.

    And on the emotional aspect, though you had both grown closer and more open, some things just didn't get touched upon. But now you had just cried over the screen, and spoke from the depths of your heart. It was scary to open up in such an uncertain situation where your own privacy was an aspect that got involved. There was no doubt that it was too much. It was just a question of whether the result would be negative.

     Steve sighed deeply, a crease forming in his forehead as he furrowed his brows together, folding his arms over his chest.

     "I don't know..." he trailed off, took a breath, a leap, his body practically lurching forward. "But... it can't be a bad thing that you feel comfortable talking to me about this, can it?"

      And there it was, that glint of hope he was trying his hardest to conceal. That feeling he got when he got off that call with you, the one where you both started giving into those unspoken thoughts. That this couldn't be so bad, that you could enjoy each other's company without worrying.  

     You smiled gently,

    "I guess. It does feel weird though, it's not something I normally do. It feels like something I shouldn't be doing."

    You could hear Steve breathing in deeply, and for a moment, you imagined what he might look like, envisioning the outline of a troubled face, eyebrows knit together. You snapped back to reality and made a face, confused by your abrupt thoughts. You had long gotten over the very brief desire to see Steve's face- why was it coming back again?

    "I'll be honest, same here," Steve agreed with your sentiments.

    "Do you always feel like you have to restrain what you say when you talk to people? Or is it just with me?" you added that last part in a quiet voice, biting your lip.

Steve chuckled briefly,

      "Are you asking me if I have trust issues? Because I'd tell you, but I'd have to trust you to do that."

You shook your head and laughed at Steve's stupid joke, and shrugged.

     "I could say the same thing, I think. This person I heard from earlier is... I developed those trust issues because of them. Or, my already existent trust issues became worse. But what's funny about it is that this person was once someone that I loved," even as the words were coming out you questioned why you were letting them, why you were allowing yourself to be so truthful in a situation like this at a time when you were so vulnerable.

      Steve didn't reply, again feeling that sick feeling in his stomach that stemmed from his fear. The fear that this conversation were too serious, fear surrounding the fact that he was able to relate so much to such a personal situation of yours.

    You spoke again, daring to ask the question that felt like a final blow to Steve's stomach,

    "Have you ever been in love, Steve?"

Now Steve knew he was in uncharted territory. Not because he feared you might try to exploit him, but because he was so struck by the fact that he had allowed himself to feel so safe with you and get so close to you. He was surprised at himself for letting you feel safe enough to have these kinds of conversations with him. It all felt like a mistake now. He wanted a way out, any way out. He knew if he even attempted to answer that question, he would be making a big mistake. He had shared some of his most intimate moments with you, but always keeping in mind a very sharp line he didn't want to be crossed.

And in his mind, he thought of the one love he'd had, the one love that hadn't been fulfilled because of the situation he had been thrown into, one he had never signed up for. He thought of how the things he cared most for in life had been discarded, how, like you, he felt like it had gone to shit. How sometimes, though he tried his best to be grateful and had taken that journey of self-healing just like you, it all felt like some sick joke.

Could he even call it love? He wasn't sure. And he wasn't going to answer. He wasn't going to answer at all, because he wouldn't be talking to you again. There would be no chance for this dilemma to resurface, not with you, not on this site. He made the decision with haste and a heavy heart - he was done here.

      The discomfort was well evident in his voice, answering loud and clear, though his voice was morose and a bit closed off. You sensed the shift immediately.

     "I... I can't talk about that right now. Listen, I have to go."

    You felt a pang in your chest at the sudden switch in his demeanor, straightening up and trying not to frown. All this time you had been letting the words spill out, telling yourself not to worry so much, reassuring yourself it was okay to make your feelings known. Now it felt like you should've never said anything at all. You started to stammer.

      "Oh, I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry, I was just... I feel like I got a little overwhelmed." You laughed nervously. "I didn't mean to scare you."

Steve felt his throat ran dry as he blinked, feeling emotions come up to surface that he wasn't quite familiar with. Maybe he was grieving in advance, regretting the decision he was making to no longer speak with you, regretting the fact that he was letting fear get in the way of what he wanted so badly to be a good thing.

    "No, I'm sorry. I feel like I let things go too far," Steve apologized, but the apology felt more like an insult.

Was he implying that whatever this was, you couldn't handle it, and that it was his fault for somehow leading you on? You had both made the connection with each other, it was an equal effort. And why was he acting like the two of you communicating at all was somehow below him, somehow a risk? If anything, you were the one risking it just by talking to him the way you did. You were opening up to him. 

     You almost felt betrayed - you had convinced yourself that he wouldn't want to listen to your problems and you told yourself it wasn't his responsibility to listen. And then he listened anyway, told you that he wanted to hear it, and you cried to him. You felt like you had made so many unusual accommodations just for him to scare off like this. He was just another person you had expressed your feelings to, only to regret it in the end.

    "Too far?" you questioned, furrowing your brows.

Steve swallowed. In your voice he could hear a hint of frustration, but even worse- hurt. It pained him more than he cared for you to know.

    "I don't think we should talk anymore," he said instead.

    "What?" you were taken by surprise. "Steve, I'm... I'm not understanding. I... I don't usually open up to people like this, I mean, I thought maybe it was fine here, because I feel like I know you. But you're still a stranger. I understand you're a customer but I thought we were talking, I thought we broke through that wall-"

    "We did. And we shouldn't have," Steve said, his voice so calm and firm that it was almost cold.

    By now you were just staring into the computer camera, as if you were looking at him and waiting for him to come to his senses. But as you did that, you slowly came to your own. Because you weren't looking at him. You were looking at a black screen with his voice behind it. You realized you hadn't known Steve, not enough to talk about these things. And just like him, you too were full of regret. You kept all those walls up for the sake of customer relations, only to put them down and be met with this disastrous result.

    Steve almost couldn't bare to look at your face anymore. You were confused, hurt. He could tell you regretted the fact that you had opened up. He was hurt too, but he wouldn't show it, or let it overcome him to the point where your methods of communication with each other became something neither of you could control. Still, yes, he was hurt.

    But he had been through plenty of hardships in life. What was one more, even if it shouldn't have come to this point anyway?

    "I'm sorry, Moonrose. We can't. Goodbye."

Chat over.

[guccybangtan]

keep going - jung hoseok x reader x park jimin

pairing; hoseok x reader x jimin

genre; smut, college au, frat au;

rating; 18+

disclaimers; threesome (hickies/neck kissing, palming, mxm kissing, penetrative sex, blow job/dick sucking, face fucking (its pretty mild), nipple play, hoseok gives off dom vibes but its subtle, hoseok fucks y/n and she's dating jimin (totally consensual Jimin’s there its a vibe) Let me know if somethings missing;

word count; 2.6k

a/n; this was commissioned by an anonymous donor through ChangesWithLuv in support of the Black Lives Matter movement

listen to: whatever sexy song you want, I listened to daddy issues (slowed w reverb) on repeat solely bc I liked the vibes;

“Just come with me to the party this one time! Please, baby girl,” Jimin begged you. “I’ll make it worth your while.”

His words were punctuated by a wiggle of his eyebrows, signature toothy smirk on full display as his eyes formed mini crescents.

You had been in a relationship with Jimin for the better part of two years, having originally met during Intro to Chemistry. It had been the first day of the semester and you, regretfully, were placed in the 8 am class.

You were taken aback when Jimin and all his energy plopped into the seat next to you, slamming his books and coffee onto the table, effectively deeming himself your lab partner for the entirety of the first semester.

While you dreaded attending Intro to Chem in the beginning, you found yourself looking more and more forward to it as time went by, beginning to enjoy the time spent with your new friend.

Jimin may have been a bit strange, but he was actually quite endearing.

He started bringing you coffee from the campus cafe when he stopped for his own, swearing you looked like the walking dead every time he saw you. He also looked at you like you held the stars in your eyes when you explained molar calculations to him, claiming ‘’no matter how hard I try Professor Robertson just doesn’t make any sense!’’

You knew something was up when Jimin walked into class empty-handed one morning, but all of the pieces clicked into place when he held you back after class was dismissed.

“I know things were a little weird in the beginning, but I really enjoy your company,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Would you maybe, I dunno, wanna come grab a coffee with me? Get to know each other outside of chemistry?”

Of course you’d agreed, and the two of you walked hand in hand down to the cafe, giggling like teenagers as you stared at each other over the lips of your cups.

That one date turned into two, which turned into four, which turned into Jimin asking you to be his girlfriend a few weeks later.

Even though you said yes, you’d had your reservations. Early on in your courtship, you’d learned Jimin was a part of Bangtan, the fraternity known to throw the most crazy rager parties. How this fact had escaped you the first 8 weeks of you knowing him, you weren’t sure why, but now that you did know it made you nervous.

“Why does me being in Bangtan make you nervous?” Jimin asked you over coffee one morning after class.

“It’s just- the reputation your frat holds.” You shrugged like that explained everything.

“Care to enlighten me?” Jimin was perched on the edge of his seat, acting as if you were about to tell him the juiciest bit of drama all year.

“That you all fuck anything with legs just to get your dick wet.”

There was a beat of silence.

“Is that why you think I’m after you?” Tongue in cheek, Jimin cocked his eyebrow, looking almost bored as you threw these accusations at him.

“Well... No. Not you.” You shivered under his intense gaze. You’d never brought this up in conversation before, afraid of the possible repercussions.

“What makes me different, then?” Your only response was to stare at him.

What did make him different? You didn’t really have an answer, but you trusted Jimin.

He hadn’t attended any of the parties since the two of you got together, totally understanding of your apprehension.

This party was a special occasion, though, which is why he wanted you to attend so badly.

Hoseok was one of the members of Bangtan, and the party was for his birthday.

The fraternity was notorious for going all out in regards to their members, so this was expected to be one of the best parties of the year, considering how popular Hoseok was.

This party would be no different. You’d seen the info floating around on Snapchat, meaning anyone and everyone was invited, something unusual for Bangtan, because usually you had to know someone to get in the door.

“You know how I feel about parties, Jimin,” you replied from your seated position on the couch.

Jimin had been persistent on your attendance since he’d heard about the party, but he’d been especially antsy since he returned home from his last class.

“I know, Y/N, but think about it! It’s Hoseok’s birthday!” Jimin made his way around the couch and sat on the coffee table in front of you.

He took the book you were reading out of your hands and set it on the table next to him.

“He’s your friend, Min, not mine.’’ You shook your head, reaching back out for your book.

Jimin was quick to grab your hand, pressing a kiss to your palm as he gave you the best puppy dog eyes he could muster.

“Pleaasseee!’’ he whined.

“Only for like, two hours,’’ you rolled your eyes.

“It’s a deal!” Jimin exclaimed, jumping to his feet.

He quickly scurried off to your shared bedroom, muttering about how he was going to let the others know you would, in fact, be in attendance.

-

The day of the party arrived sooner than you would have liked. Considering the rest of your week following the conversation with Jimin had been filled with tests and essay revisions, it was really no surprise that it was Saturday already.

The weather was warm enough that you opted for a spaghetti-strapped dress with delicate flowers scattered across the white fabric.

It was sheer and silken, like something you’d see in the middle of summer. It rested against the middle of your thighs, providing enough coverage to be modest, but not so much you felt swamped in fabric. It seemed perfect for the occasion (even though it appeared you’d have to prevent Jimin from ripping it from your body).

Even though you and Jimin arrived fairly early, it seemed as if the party was already in full swing.

You made it inside, albeit difficultly, and began the hunt for the birthday boy to offer him your congratulations.

Somewhere along the way you had been handed a solo cup filled with a mysterious liquid that smelled an awful lot like fireball and coke. If you were anywhere else you would have questioned the drink, but considering the fact that Seokjin had been the one to hand it to you, you weren’t too worried.

After searching for Hoseok and not finding him, you and Jimin settled onto the couch with Jimin’s best friends, Jungkook and Taehyung, who were also a part of the frat.

Conversation flowed easily between the four of you, and time was passing by quickly. You found yourself enjoying the party more than you originally thought you would.

“You still wanting to leave?” Jimin’s words were whispered directly into your ear, plush lips gently brushing against the outer shell.

“I don’t mind staying,’’ you shrugged.

“Well, uh- I don’t mind either but, there’s a bit of a problem.’’ He glanced down to his lap where a bulge was beginning to form.

Without even having to look, you rolled your eyes. “What!” Jimin exclaimed, glancing at his friends to make sure they were still oblivious to your conversation, “You look so hot in that dress, baby girl.’’

“So? You can’t wait until we get home?” “Please, Y/N,’’ Jimin purred, “humor me.’’

Sighing again, you stood up, bidding farewell to the others and tugging Jimin down the hall.

“Where to, loverboy?” You asked.

Jimin swung the first door open and pulled you inside, slamming it shut and flicking the lock.

“Where were we?” Jimin turned to you with a smirk.

“My bedroom,’’ another voice rang out.

You nearly jumped out of your skin at the sudden sound.

Hoseok was lounging on the bed shirtless, his feet kicked up.

“To what do I owe your lovely presence?”

“We were just-’’

“Gonna fuck in my bed?” Hoseok cocked his eyebrow.

“Well-’’

“I could’ve at least gotten an invite,’’ Hoseok tsked, “it is my birthday, after all.’’

“Invitation sent.’’ you said.

“Bring it on.’’ Jimin smirked.

“Remember you asked for this.’’ Hoseok snickered as he stood up, looking amused at your lover's words.

“Kneel. There,’’ he barked at Jimin, pointing to the patch of carpet near the foot of the bed.

The blond was quick to follow orders without hesitation. Who knew your lovely boyfriend would submit so easily?

“Not so mouthy now, are we?” Jimin rolled his eyes, causing Hoseok to scoff.

“Pretty dress,’’ Hoseok cooed as he sauntered over to you, lips brushing the edge of your jaw, “It’d look better off, though.’’

He wasted no time and ripped the garment from your body, exposing your soft skin to the chill air of his bedroom.

Hoseok smashed his lips to yours, mouths sliding fervently against each other.

He feathered kisses across your jaw, working his way down the column of your neck and down your chest, finally reaching your breasts.

‘’Hoseok,’’ you gasped as his mouth latched onto one of your hardening nipples, fingers winding their way into his soft red locks.

He laved his tongue over the rosy bud, while he massaged the other with his deft fingers.

After a moment he switched, offering equal attention to both mounds.

“Hobi… mm- want more. Please. Touch me,’’ you whined as he sat up.

He stared at you as you squirmed on the bed, lips parted as pants fell from his mouth.

“I won't touch you unless you beg.”

You spared a glance at Jimin.

Seeing him on his knees next to the bed, pupils blown wide as he palmed himself through his jeans was enough to send another gush of wetness into your panties. It was obvious he was just as into this as you were.

“Please, Hoseok!’’ You mewled, ”I’ve been good,’’

“Hm,’’ Hoseok hummed as he caught you staring at Jimin, “not good enough.’’

Your eyes widened, ready to plead more when any words you had died in your throat.

Hoseok had turned his back to you, moving all of his attention towards Jimin.

“Baby boy’s been a bit neglected, hasn’t he?”

You watched on with labored breaths, enthralled by the scene unfolding in front of you.

You couldn’t hear what Hoseok muttered to Jimin over your own breathing, but Hoseok pulled Jimin to his feet and immediately locked his lips with the blond, tongue swiping gently over his lips.

Jimin’s hands gripped the loops on Hoseok’s pants, pulling the older male flush against his body while he began to mouth at his neck, letting his hands move to caress Hoseok’s hardening dick through his shorts.

You were sure your panties were saturated with your arousal by this point, feeling the fabric stick uncomfortably to your dripping cunt.

“Not fair,’’ you whined, sitting up, ”you’re hogging.’’

You nudged Jimin, attaching your lips to the side of Hoseok’s neck, painting blossoms of red and purple across his supple skin, while Jimin made similar moves on the other side.

As you moved more toward the center of his throat, you found yourself knocking heads with Jimin.

“Now who’s hogging?” Jimin mocked you as he nuzzled his nose against your own.

You momentarily turned your attention from Hoseok to Jimin, letting your lips meet. No matter how many times you had kissed Jimin, his hot lips always made you weak in the knees.

You moaned as he pulled away, wanting nothing more than to ravish him right then.

Hoseok’s hand on your waist brought you back to reality, turning your attention back to him.

“It won’t be long before someone comes looking. If we really wanna have fun we should hurry a bit.

You and Jimin both nodded dumbly, entranced by Hoseok.

“How do we wanna do this?” Hoseok asked as he pulled off Jimin’s shirt, nipping at his jaw.

“You can fuck her if you want, long as you’ve got a condom.’’

Hoseok quickly rummaged through his nightstand, proudly whipping out the foiled package.

“You okay with that?” Jimin turned to you, taking his time to run his hands over your curves, fingers sliding against your soaked panties.

“Please. Hurry.’’ You nodded, grinding onto Jimin’s palm.

“Eager, aren’t we?” Hoseok laughed as he stepped out of his shorts, tearing the wrapper open and rolling it down his thick length.

Jimin made his way around the bed, kneeling next to your head.

You reached up and wrapped your hand around his cock, giving him a few strokes while you waited for Hoseok to line up with your entrance.

“We’ll have to do this again sometime,’’ Hoseok breathed as he began to push into you. “Wanna taste you next time.’’

“Oh, god.’’ You cried as he bottomed out.

He stilled inside of you, giving you a few moments to adjust to his size before he was pulling out and rocking back into you again.

Hoseok was longer than Jimin, but not as girthy. Still, he managed to reach places inside of you that had your toes curling as you felt the familiar knot already tightening in your stomach.

You felt the tip of Jimin’s cock nudge your lips and without hesitation you opened for him.

Jimin began thrusting into your mouth in tandem with Hoseok.

“Hng- Fuck, Y/N.’’ Jimin moaned, “ 'm close. God, your mouth.’’

You relaxed your throat, allowing Jimin deeper access to fuck into you.

It wasn’t long before you felt his warm cum coating the inside of your throat.

He pulled out gently, and you turned your attention back to Hoseok who had begun working your clit as he continued to thrust into you at a steady pace.

“ 'm not gonna last long,” Hoseok grunted, “wanna feel you milk my cock.’’

Hoseok's words were enough to throw you over the edge into ecstasy, walls clenching around his cock as he stilled inside of you, spilling his seed into the condom.

The two of you laid there, catching your breaths before Hoseok pulled out, discarding the used condom in the wastebin.

“Thank you for that,’’ Hoseok smiled as he pulled his shirt back over his head.

“Not a problem,’’ Jimin said, helping you redress.

“It was fun,’’ you added.

Reaching out, you pulled Hoseok into your arms, trapping him in a hug.

He tensed, but returned the gesture nevertheless.

“You just had your dick in me, a hug won’t kill you.’’ You giggled, releasing the man whose face was now as red as his hair.

He shook his head at you, giving Jimin a bro hug before following you to the door.

“Talk soon?” Jimin said to his frat-mate.

“For sure, let me know when you get home. I’ve got more party things to attend to.’’ He rolled his eyes.

You and Jimin left soon after, beginning the short journey home.

“Is it bad I want to do that again?” Jimin broke the silence.

“No, I want to too.’’

“I never took Hobi as a Dom,’’ Jimin pondered out loud.

“Have you seen the man? He screams dom,’’ you disagreed.

“Maybe we can call him for your birthday.’’

“I’m down.’’ You reached out to Jimin for the door key.

Wordlessly, he handed it over.

The silence remained until the two of you were settled into bed.

“Y/N?” Jimin asked.

“Hm?”

“Do you like Hoseok?”

You looked at Jimin with uncertainty.

“Of course I do, he’s your friend.’’

“Yeah but… nevermind.’’ He shook his head.

“O-okay?” You responded.

“We’ll talk in the morning, baby. Get some rest.’’

Rest didn’t come easy, and when it did, you dreamt of all the possibilities the morning held.

[brunchbitch]

IP day 2

I slept sooooo much better last night and I feel much more clear headed today. My dad visited yesterday and brought me a big stuffed animal bc it helps me sleep better when I'm hugging one, but I forgot mine at home. It's like a big stuffed horse pillow pet type thing lol but it works!

Nighttime was really hard last night for whatever reason and I've been trying to stay out by the staff office instead of alone in my room. I still feel really unsafe and keep looking around in each room, thinking of all the ways I can harm myself. I think seeing all the behaviors of the suicidal kids at work has put some of those "options" at the forefront of my mind in ways they may not have been otherwise.

I've been trying to go to groups even though I'm not gonna learn anything from them bc they're good structure. I met with my team again this morning. My labs and BP have normalized which is good so we can make some medication changes.

I'm feeling really anxious about the food - there's something about filling out a menu for each meal that feels very overwhelming and reminds me of ED treatment. This morning for breakfast, the kitchen somehow sent up all the food for breakfast that I had ordered yesterday AND today on the menus, so there were essentially two breakfasts on the tray and that made me extremely anxious.

The unit has a hallway that forms a square around the center of the unit and there's a sign by the staff office that says "26 laps = 1 mile!" so I've been obsessively counting my laps after some meals. I asked my team if I could have level 2 so I could go on off unit walks with staff bc walking is super helpful for me especially after eating, and they said they were concerned with how suicidal I am, but they would talk to nursing staff about it as long as I feel like I can contract for safety before going. I've been working on being very honest with staff about when I'm feeling unsafe, which has unfortunately been almost constant lately. I feel numb and hopeless especially going into the weekend which is always hard on IP units bc my team won't be here and I think there are fewer groups. Luckily my mom gets back in town tonight and she's gonna visit tomorrow, and my best friend is gonna visit later today.

I talked to my manager at work yesterday and updated her about where I am. She was super supportive as always and said not to worry about work and just focus on myself. Her response to all of this makes me second guess my thoughts about leaving. Where else am I gonna find such a supportive job that values mental health? Maybe I can try to go back and if it doesn't work again, I'll look for something else. I don't know.

I've told very few people about where I am - besides my therapist, some of my family, and one friend here, nobody else knows. I haven't told my Boston friends or A or B bc I'm so ashamed. I feel like they'll be disappointed in me, or that they'll think I need to move back to Boston. I told A last week about the assault and my thoughts about maybe leaving work and he joked (maybe not totally a joke) that I should move in with him in Boston. It's nice to fantasize about, but I really don't want to move back. I love being in Seattle close to my family. Unfortunately as some of you know, that's also complicated.

[pizza-is-my-buziness]

'i called tech support bc netflix won’t work and somehow ended up discussing this series for 15 minutes with you do you wanna hang out when your shift ends’ AU pretty damn skimmons

This is so not fair. Cosmically unfair, Jemma thinks as shestares at the screen in front of her, informing her with clinical detachmentthat Netflix is experiencing some issues and cannot play this title at themoment.

All she’s wanted to do all week, while working endlessly inthe lab and stopping only to sleep and eat (sometimes), was to watch the entiresecond season of Stranger Things.It’s her guilty pleasure, the thing that lets her turn off her scientist brainfor the time being and just indulge in some good, old-fashioned science-fictionpulp. Plus the kids are adorable and she definitely roots for them to getthrough all their scrapes.

Plus her coworkers are threatening to spoil it for her if shedoesn’t get her act together and Jemma is finally, finally going to have a weekend that doesn’t involve going into thelab and studying specimens and writing reports and all she wanted was takeoutand Netflix and now…

Well now Netflix is telling her that it can’t play Stranger Things and either try again lateror pick something else.

Definitely not fair.

Jemma groans, hitting refresh one more time and hoping thather luck will finally change.

Unfortunately she just gets the same error message again: tryagain later or pick something else.

Well, that just won’t do. Because there’s not anything else.There’s only Stranger Things anddamnit Jemma is capable and smart and she is going to solve this problem.

So she reaches for her phone, punching in the number thatwill take her to Netflix costumer service. It takes a few tries, but sheeventually manages to connect to a line that promises to put her in touch witha real person. And honestly, Jemma isn’t sure what she expects; what, exactly,is tech support going to do? Show up to her house and fix the promise? But evenif the only thing she manages to do is complain for a few minutes, well, Jemmafigures she can roll with that too.

“Thanks for calling Netflix customer service,” says the boredsounding voice in Jemma’s ear. “My name is Daisy in New York, how can I helpyou?”

Briefly, Jemma wonders if Daisy really is in New York or ifshe’s just supposed to connect with the person currently requesting hersupport. Jemma figures if her account information had said she was from Chicagothen Daisy would probably be there too.

“I’m receiving an error message on my account,” Jemma tellsher, staring at aforementioned error message through narrowed eyes. “I thoughtthere might be some sort of…magic tech help you could give me.”

Saying the words out loud suddenly makes Jemma feel like oneof those people, who complain about thingsthat aren’t salespeople’s fault and who says things like “can you check theback” when there’s clearly none of the item in stock.

“I haven’t quite mastered the whole magic fix thing yet,”Daisy tells her, just a hint of amusement in her tone. “But I’ve definitely beenworking on it. Let me see what’s going on.”

Jemma expects to be placed on hold -and probably left therefor an endless stretch of time- but she can still hear Daisy humming in her earas she does whatever non-magical tech support thing that she’s attempting to doon her computer.

“So,” Daisy says conversationally, “what are you trying towatch, anyway?”

“Stranger Things,”Jemma replies, “the new season.”

“I love that show!” Daisy says, nearly shouting the words inJemma’s air. She smiles even as she moves the phone away somewhat. “You haven’tseen the new season yet?”

Jemma sighs but there’s still a smile on her face. “Not youtoo,” she says. “I get enough grief from my coworkers.”

“Well maybe you should listen to them and binge it like therest of us,” Daisy retorts. “I seriously don’t know how you have so muchself-control.”

Jemma gets to her feet, leaving her living room and making abeeline for her kitchen to put on a pot of water for tea. “It’s not so muchself-control as working too much,” she assures Daisy. “This is my first free weekendin a long time…which is why this whole error message thing is so unfair.”

“Yeah, that definitely sucks, we gotta fix that,” Daisyagrees. “I’m still trying to figure out exactly what’s going on with all ofthat.”

Jemma hums in agreement, though she’s already feelingresigned to the whole never going to watch StrangerThings thing. Time to just accept it. “So I guess you’re a big fan of theshow.”

“Who isn’t?” Daisy replies with a bit of a laugh. “It’spretty much the best show on Netflix right now.”

Jemma raises an eyebrow, even though she knows that Daisy can’tsee her. “Are you allowed to say that type of thing? You do work for them,after all.”

“Yeah, but still,” Daisy says dismissively. “It’s totally thebest. And the new season is even more awesome. Nancy totally kicks ass.”

“Ah, you’re a Nancy fan,” Jemma remarks. “Suddenly I need someoneelse to try and help me with my technical difficulties.”

“Hey!” Daisy protests. “Someone has to root for thecharacters everyone else hates, okay? And Nancy is pretty awesome so I’m noteven sorry.”

Jemma catches herself smiling and clears her throat, shakingher head. She should not be enjoying her conversation with Netflix customerservice this much. Honestly, she needs to get out of her lab more.

“Well, I suppose I’ll have to see for myself. If Netflix ever starts working, that is,”Jemma teases.

“Yeah, you know how those customer service people can be.They definitely don’t know what they’re doing,” Daisy says. “Can’t count onthem for anything.”

Suddenly, Jemma really wishes that she could see Daisy on theother end of the line because she can’t help but wonder if she, too, has asmile on her face.

“Are you really in New York?” Jemma asks for no reason otherthan that she’s completely curious.

“Yeah,” Daisy tells her. “They let me work remotely from homemost of the time, which can be nice until you’re sick of staring at the samewall all day. We’re actually not that far from each other. Okay, that soundedway creepier than I meant for it to sound.” Daisy says this last part quicklyand apologetically.

But still that annoying smile is hanging on. “Well, it’s goodto know there’s another Stranger Things fanin the area.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure you don’t have to worry about that,”Daisy says with a laugh. “Though, I guess what you do need to worry about is the fact that apparently there’s some sortof issue with your entire area and we have some people on it, but it doesn’tlook like it’s going to be cleared up any time soon.”

Jemma feels her heart sink to the floor and she looks mournfullyin the direction of her TV. Even the thought of the tea currently steeping in herfavorite mug does little to cheer her up. “So no magical tech solution?”

“Afraid not,” Daisy says and sounds sincere in her words. “Buthopefully they’ll have it fixed by tomorrow morning.”

Jemma sighs. “Well, thanks anyway, Daisy,” she mutters. “Iguess it’s just not meant to be.”

“Okay, well, at the risk of sounding totally creepy yetagain, do you wanna like…come over to my place? I’m about done with my shiftand we can totally watch Stranger Thingsand talk about how awesome Nancy is.”

Daisy’s offer surprises Jemma, mostly because her firstinstinct is to blurt out the word yes.

“God, that was creepy, wasn’t it?” Daisy groans on the otherend of the phone. “I totally don’t blame you if-”

“Sure,” Jemma says quickly, before she can talk herself outof it. She had just been thinkingabout getting out of the lab more, hadn’t she? “Sure. Why not?”

“Really?” Daisy sounds both excited and skeptical, which ishonestly how Jemma is feeling at the moment.

Jemma turns the idea over in her mind for a moment. It’s nottoo late to back out and it wouldn’t be weird if she did and yet…

“It’s better than hanging around alone on a Friday night,right?” Jemma says and realizes that she does, really, want to go hang out withDaisy.

What does she have to lose?

“Cool,” Daisy says, and Jemma is pretty sure that she’ssmiling, even if she can’t see it. “Okay, awesome. I guess I’ll see you infifteen minutes.”

Jemma nods, pursing her lips together to hide her smile. “Okay.See you then.”

And then she hangs up, ending what has to be the strangestcustomer service call that she’s ever made in her entire life.

Or possibly the best.

Only time will tell, she supposes.

[bitchc0ck]

beep beep word vomit express coming thru

so i’m having a ~breast augmentation and lift~ done next month. bc of the lift (it’s necessary at a certain point so the implants sit/look correct) it’s twice as much money as i thought i’d spend going into this. i took out a personal loan and i plan to pay it back within the year, but i keep having a crisis over the whole thing. 

this is something i’ve wanted for years and right now, logistically, is probably the most ideal opportunity i’ll have for it. since i’m still working from home until at least september it’ll be easier to work while still healing. and no one i work with has seen me in over a year so i’m banking on them not remembering what i looked like before and just brushing off the big titties. 

the closer it gets the more anxious i get, like no shit, but my anxiety manifests most as hypochondria so surgery shoots up the anxiety levels a lot. and it’s not like it’s a cut and dry surgery kind of deal - i have a skin condition (HS/hidradenitis suppurativa) and it’s under my boobs so that puts me at a higher risk of infection. then, additionally, i had surgery for the HS almost a decade ago so there’s scar tissue under one boob. my plastic surgeon said she would try, no guarantees, to make the skin between my boobs to lay flat which i would be so grateful for (bc of the scar tissue it’s not totally flat and it’s not a huge deal but i am hyper aware of it). 

and then also, like, what if i have something wrong with me i don’t know about and i die during it? i plan on making a voice memo for brain (husband) to listen to in case anything happens to me and tbh just thinking about that rn has me crying. it’s so hard to tell if the anxiety/concerns are normal and if it’s me being super fucking anxious. 

i’m trying therapy (again) starting this week, for a lot of reasons, but the surgery is a big part of it. no matter how much i want this it will effect me mentally and i can’t predict how. i’m gonna talk to the therapist about the surgery and stuff and try to work through the fear. 

 i woke up at like 3:40am last night (been awake since then btw) and had a middle of the night mini crisis over all of this. like what if i’m ruining my life just for big tits? brian and i are saving to go to japan and then for a house and what if me taking out a loan fucks that up? or what if something happens to me and he’s stuck taking care of me (he wouldn’t complain idt) or worse? what if i get put under and never wake up again and miss out on spending years with my soulmate? 

god, i wish i didn’t think like this because it’s only stressing out more but like???? i’m always worried something will go wrong or something bad will happen and surgery really amps that up. it’s gonna be like a 4hr surgery how tf am i gonna be out that long? i’ve been put under a couple times before and thinking about it  sends me into my weird “we fall asleep and it feels like no time passes then we wake up” existential crisis. 

oh! not to mention my fear of medical needles :-) i’m having the blood work done in the morning and looooooooool can’t wait to almost pass out in a walmart for the third time (quest lab but in walmart). like i worked at walmart for years so i’m pretty comfy there but this shit SUCKS. 

idk. fuck, this is a lot of word vomit. uh, if anyone read all of this - sorry. i really needed to get this out and where else but tumblr dot com like it’s 2010-2012 all over again.

[lolbtsaus]

85 Truths Tag

Rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people. Idk who to tag and I’m too lazy/exhausted to go in and tag my friends on here so I’m just gonna tag everyone who wants to do this!!

Last:

1. Drink - Water

2. Phone call - from a random number that I don’t know and didn’t answer

3. Text message - my mom

4. Song you listened to - “Mayores” by Becky G ft. Bad Bunny

5. Time you cried - a week ago

Ever:

6. Dated someone twice - nope

7. Kissed someone and regretted it - nope

8. Been cheated on - nope

9. Lost someone special - yes

10. Been depressed - maybe??? I don’t think so though I’m not completely sure

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up - nope

Fave colours:

12.  Pastel anything

13. Blue

14. Pink or yellow

In the last year have you…

15. Made new friends - yes !!!! and I love them with all my heart

16. Fallen out of love - wasn’t in love to begin with

17. Laughed until you cried - yes

18. Found out someone was talking about you - nope

19. Met someone who changed you - nah??? I’ve changed myself

20. Found out who your true friends are - yeah

21. Kissed someone on your facebook friends list - don’t have facebook

General:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know irl - don’t have facebook

23. Do you have any pets - a doggo and a kitty girl

24. Do you want to change your name - no but I used to

25. What did you do for your last birthday - it was just my parents and I and we went to dinner and then came home and played Catan aka my ideal fucking night I’m such a board game person

26. What time did you wake up today - :))) okay s e e that’s a trick question bc I accidentally fell asleep at like 7:30 am and then woke up at 9:30 am and stayed awake until like 4 pm and then fell asleep and woke up at 7 something pm so basically I’m a mess

27. What were you doing at midnight last night - probably played a game on my phone, either solo or with my friends

28. What is something you can’t wait for - my liCENSE and to move out of this damn city:’)))

30. What are you listening to right now - music

31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom - no I don’t think so but I know a Theo does that count

32. Something that’s getting on your nerves - lately??? um my sleep schedule??? tired of staying up too late and sleeping in too late and missing some of my friends while they’re awake

33. Most visited website - probably youtube

34. Hair colour - brown

35. Long or short hair - short fuck long hair I look terrible with it and it ruins my damn curls my hair gets too heavy to curl if it’s long and I need my curls bc it’s like my fall back since I don’t do makeup or getting ready at all

36. Do you have a crush on someone - no one I know irl but definitely my Tae tae

37. What do you like about yourself - my hair and I’ve been working on liking my smile you guys be proud of me I also like my dimples which come with the smile so that’s helping

38. Want any piercings? - ye s I wanna start with ears but I’m just hesitant to get them bc I’m a side sleeper and I’m like worried about sleeping on my ear when it’s freshly pierced wouldn’t that fuck some shit up I can’t sleep on my back I wake up every twenty minutes so I’m waiting on that

39. Blood type - don’t know

40. Nicknames - Sae and pet names, everyone ends up calling me some form of baby or bub/bubby/bubu etc. also get called kid a lot

41. Relationship status: :’) what’s a relationship ya bitch can’t even get the online “idek you” playful flirting from anons that disappear two days later let alone real pEOPLE 

42. Zodiac - pisces

43. Pronouns - she/her

44. Fave tv shows - Game of Thrones, Bob’s Burgers, Vikings, Spongebob, probably more but I can’t think of them 

45. Tattoos - not yet but I will one day I want so many but like money, healing and also indecisive

46. Right or left-handed - right

47. Ever had surgery - nope

48. Piercings - none yet

49. Sport - I did archery for a month I did dance for a couple years I did horseback riding for another lil while and my god do I miss them all I miss horses so fucking much :((( they’re so sweet and emotionally connected to you and I love them so much

50. Vacation - Sweden

51. Trainers - ??? idk what this means tbh is it like a personal trainer or trainers like shoes?? bc idk what brand I use

More general

52. Eating - nothing rn but I just had mini oreo thins

53. Drinking - water

54. I’m about to watch - you know I don’t really know I think some fetus!BTS videos bc I’m trying to do research for a post

55. Waiting for - my license and day 5 in mystic messenger to come bc I just started playing and damn it I just wanna see my sunflower son (Ray) but he’s like the last to unlock apparently so I have to get through a whole bunch of the others to get to him when all I wanna do is comfort him and give him a hug

56. Want - my license, to move and a girlfriend/boyfriend/significant other

57. Get married - would I ever get married??? Yes I have nothing against marriage but my grandmother advised to never get married before 25 so I’m gonna try to stick to that idk if I will

58. Career - I wanna do lab work in paleo anthropology or work in a museum

Which is better

59. Hugs or kisses - hugs with forehead kisses

60. Lips or eyes - eyes

61. Shorter or taller - taller

62. Older or younger - older

63. Nice arms or stomach - I guess arms bc I love a soft tummy but I also qualify that as a nice stomach so ?????

64. Hookup or relationship - relationship

65. Troublemaker or hesitant - hesitant

Have you ever

66. Kissed a stranger - nope

67. Drank hard liquor - nope

68. Lost glasses - I once lost them at 3 in the morning bc in my sleep, i suppose I had picked my glasses up and flung them across the room and I had to go wake my mom up to find them for me bc I can’t see without them

69. Turned someone down - you gotta be confessed to do that so n o

70. Sex on the first date - h A

71. Broken someone’s heart - negative

72. Had your heart broken - not really

73. Been arrested - no

74. Cried when someone died - yes

75. Fallen for a friend - not really

Do you believe in

76. Yourself - yeah I feel like future me really has her shit together

77. Miracles - idk man

78. Love at first sight - attraction yes, love no

79. Santa Claus - I want to so badly

80. Kiss on a first date - depends on how good the date was

81. Angels - again idk

Other

82. Best friend’s name - Gavie or Jade or Eva

83. Eye colour - brown

84. Fave movie - Jurassic Park or Quest for Camelot

[spxdeychelles]

Just Ask Her Out

In which MJ is popular and Peter is still a dork.

Inspired by a tweet and I’ve actually had this in my drafts for ages so I thought I’d bulk it up and turn it into a proper imagine lol. Super fluffy with pining!peter bc he really is a cutie

"Did you study for the Spanish quiz today?" Ned asked his best friend as they made their way to the cafeteria. It was a bleak Monday morning, sometime in early January, and Peter was still reeling from his full force encounter with a brick wall and the icy planes of the alleyway street while fighting a perpetrator last night. Even after practically tapping a bag of frozen peas to his side for the most part of last night, the area around his ribs was still throbbing, and he was grateful he could hide the deep purple bruises beneath a baggy sweater. His back screamed out in pain every time he bent over to pick something up and migraine would be an understatement to explain what was going on in his head right now. He had had to sneak out early this morning before May was up, because she’d know instantly he was hurt and he really didn’t want to worry her. By lunch time, he knew most of that would be gone due to the blessing of his quick healing capabilities but until then, he'd simply have to suffer and endure the agony. So just your regular, average Monday then. 

“No Ned." Peter snapped exasperatedly. "Sorry I didn’t the time have to go over my notes while I was getting my head smashed into an alleyway floor.” 

“Dude chill, I was just asking.” Ned raised his hands in surrender as they sat down. Peter laid his head on the table and groaned loudly, ignoring the loud protests from his muscles as he lent over his side of the bench and closed his eyes. 

"Hey Abe." Peter drawled with his shut, his fingers subconsciously rubbing at his temple. 

"Morning Peter." Abraham shot Ned a 'is-he-okay' look to which he replied with a 'don't-even-ask' expression and Abe nodded, understanding immediately. 

“What’s got him all beat?” A female voice joined the trio as she slid into the seat opposite them. 

“He’s down because he knows he’s going to fail the Spanish quiz today.” 

“Dude did you not study?” Cindy asked, hitting his arm playfully. The brown eyed boy winced lightly and glared at her. 

“Right, Spidey stuff." She said lowly. Out of the whole school, the only people who knew about Peter's alter ego were sat at that table, and they were all sworn to secrecy to keep it that way. "Sorry Pete. If you want we can study for it now?” 

Peter raised his head from the table and straightened out his jumper. 

“I guess it can’t hurt more than my head does right now.” He shrugged. He looked up and he wished he hadn’t because whenever his eyes met hers, that funny feeling he got in his stomach every time he saw her returned. Just one look at her and Peter felt the pain slowly ebbing away from his muscles. Cindy noticed him staring and studied him quizzically. 

“What?” She noticed his gaze wasn’t aimed at her so she turned around and rolled her eyes. “Peter you’re still on that?” Cindy laughed, taking a sip from the Starbucks cup she had set beside her bag earlier. 

“He’s been ‘on that’ since 8th grade.” Ned mocked. Peter elbowed him in the rib.  

“I’m not on anything. Or anyone.” He grumbled, placing his Spanish textbook in front of him. 

“So you ever gonna ask her out? Or you know, talk to her?” 

“That’s Michelle Jones, Cin. What do you think?” He looked back down at his textbook and began trying to recite the words he was supposed to have memorised last week. 

“Weren’t you guys friends?” Abe asked, reading over his notes too. 

“A long time ago.” Peter replied, the pen lid nestling between his lips as he highlighted parts of the textbook. They were once friends, best friends in fact. His aunt and Michelle’s mom had been like sisters since high school so Peter and Michelle had pretty much grown up together ever since Peter had moved in with Uncle Ben and Aunt May just before the first grade. She had been there for him through his parents death (even though she barely knew him at the time and she was only 4 so didn’t really understand what was going on, she was so kind to him), Uncle Ben’s death (she missed three days of school to allow him to cry on her lap and listened and soothed him the best she could, which to Peter, was a lot) and a whole lot of other things. However, when high school came, they’d drifted apart, Michelle being at the center of attention where she belonged and Peter pushed to the back of the crowd. Michelle had tried to stay friends with Peter but with their drastically different social lives, they eventually grew apart. Now they only ever shared nods or the occasional ‘hey’s in the hallway between classes. That did nothing to stop Peter’s ever growing crush on her to cease. The one he’d been harboring between him and Ned for the past 3/4 years and now Cindy and Abraham, as of recent. 

“We’re gonna be graduating soon Parker, you’re gonna have to do it sometime.” 

“Or never?” He didn’t even bother to look at her until he felt her presence leave the table. As he lifted his head from the book, he watched Cindy walk away from him and right towards Michelle. 

“CIN! CINDY!” He whispered/shouted, trying to get her attention. She snapped her fingers behind her back, as if to tell him to shut up, as she walked past Michelle's table of jocks and cheerleaders. She ignored the weird looks they gave her and made a beeline for Michelle, who was ordering a coffee from the lunch lady. 

“God, I hope she’s not doing what I think she’s doing.” Peter moaned, placing his head in his hands. 

“Well, you better straighten up because Michelle is coming over here right now?”

“Right now!?” Peter almost leapt out of his seat, forgetting all about his injuries. “Oh god, okay. Do I have something in my teeth? Is my shirt okay? This is a horrible colour isn’t it? I should’ve just worn the blue-” 

“Dude, breathe.” Ned nodded slowly. “She’s here,” he whispered. 

“Hey Peter.” Michelle smiled. Her soft brown eyes crinkled at the corners as her lips stretched into a grin. Her light brown skin shone in the sunlight like gold and her wild black mane was tamed into a high pony tail, exposing her sharp cheekbones. God, she was so beautiful. 

“Hey..hey, Mich-” Peter cleared his throat. “Michelle.” He said in a deeper voice. 

“Ned, scram.” Cindy hissed, grabbing her stuff and leaving the table. Abe made some sorry excuse about leaving his chem book in the lab and needing to find it before 2nd period while getting up from the bench also. 

“Good luck bro.” Ned spoke under his breath. They did their secret handshake under the table before Cindy dragged the small boy away from the couple by his ear. Peter could still hear him protesting and Abe and Cindy laughing as they left the cafeteria. 

“Erm, can I sit?” Michelle asked, gesturing to the space where Cindy previously was. 

“Yeah, um of course, feel free.” 

“Thanks.” She nodded, flattening the creases in her trousers as she took a seat. Peter doesn't think there's been a time when Michelle had worn a skirt, at her own will. He even remembers back to her aunt's wedding when they were nine she'd gone a hunger strike because she wanted to wear a suit to the wedding instead of a dress because she refused to be like every other girl because she was Michelle Jones and she was unique. Eventually, her mom gave in and Michelle walked down the isle with her aunt in a dark blue tuxedo and little nine year old Peter couldn't stop thinking to himself how beautiful she looked. The same thought came to him when she arrived to homecoming, their freshman year, wearing a strapless purple dress for the first time, with ruffles at the skirt and Peter felt so lucky that he'd arrived with her because she was easily the best looking girl in the room. Although, the year after that, she came with Flash instead and Peter was long forgotten on the bleachers, which is when he met Ned and they instantly became best friends. He somewhat filled the Michelle shaped hole in his life and Peter was honestly glad he'd met him. But that was years ago and this was now. 

There was an awkward silence at the table during which Peter stared at her as though she was art and Michelle fiddled with the hem of her jumper, looking down at her coffee. 

“So-” 

“Cind-” They both started at the same time and laughed nervously, realising they’d interrupted each other. 

“You go.” Peter nodded. 

“It’s been a long time huh?” Michelle spoke. 

“Yeah, it has.” 

“How have you been?” She asked sincerely. 

“Good. Keeping my head above water. Senior year and all. What about you?” 

“Same as you. My mom keeps pressuring me about Ivy League colleges.” 

“I’m sure you’ll get into any of them. You’re brilliant.” 

“Thank you Peter.” She smiled softly and Peter swore his heart stopped beating for a millisecond. 

“No problem.” 

“Umm, Cindy said you wanted to ask me something.” 

“She did?” Peter pretended he had no idea, he was definitely going to kill Cindy later for putting him under this much pressure.  

“Yeah, when she came over to me earlier. She said it was important.” Peter hated Cindy and her nosy busy-body self sometimes. 

 “Umm, well…I…I was wondering if..you’d..umm…if…you’d…managed to study for the spanish test today.” He rushed the end bit, chickening out last minute. He couldn’t ask her out, the words refused to leave his mouth. His palms were sweaty and it suddenly felt as though he’d been pushed into a fire - he was nervous. The smile resting on Michelle’s face dropped as she cocked her head to look at him, confused etched on her soft features. Peter wanted to lean over and iron out the little frown lines that were drawn across her forehead. Her skin look so incredibly soft, like the shea butter moisturiser she uses (though he doesn't know if she still uses it anymore) and her lips were- 

“The Spanish test?” She echoed, bringing him out of his thoughts. 

“Yeah," He shook his head. "I mean…I’d had no time to study and I was hoping I wasn’t the only one.” Keep digging Parker, just keep digging that hole. Maybe it’d be big enough to bury you in it. 

“Umm, yeah, I studied, sorry Peter.” Peter nodded. 

“Okay.” 

“Was that all?” NO, he wanted to say. 

“Yes,” he replied. 

Michelle got up and slung her bag over her shoulder. 

“Well, good luck Peter. It was nice talking to you again.” 

“Thanks, I’ll need it.” He laughed. “It was nice speaking to you too.” 

Michelle began walking away slowly, as though she didn’t really want to leave. Peter chewed on his bottom lip, internally slapping himself for blowing his chance like that. Was he really going to finish high school without asking her out. Once? It's not like anyone expected less of him, he was Peter Parker, a dork, a nobody, him with Michelle Jones? The most sought after girl at school, the brightest, smartest, most beautiful girl at school being with him, it was very laughable. Don't even bother, Peter, she'll never- 

“Umm,, Michelle, wait up.” Peter gathered his books and stumbled after her. 

“Yes?” Michelle turned around, a dim hopeful look in her eye, barely visible, but there nonetheless. 

“Actually, I was also wondering, if you…you’d wanna go out with me tomorrow night. I mean, you don’t have to, I know you’re very busy…not that I stalk you or anything, it’s not like I have your schedule memorised or anything-” 

“Peter, I’d love to.” Michelle interrupted, placing her hand softly on his shoulder. 

“Wait, what?” The hand on his shoulder was sending bolts of electricity shooting through his body and he's pretty sure if it wasn't for the fact that he was Spider-Man, he'd be fried from head to toe by now. 

“I’d love to go out with you tomorrow.” The girl smiled warmly. 

“Umm, great. Thanks.” THANKS?? 

“Should I take your number? So you can text me-” “Yeah, yeah, umm-” Peter dropped his books, looking for his phone in his pocket. He scrambled to the floor, picking them up as he handed his phone to Michelle. She punched and saved her number in his phone and handed it back. 

“I’ll text you.” Peter nodded, waving his phone at her. 

“I’m looking forward to it. See you in Spanish.” Michelle nodded before walking back towards the table with all her popular friends. 

I just asked out Michelle Jones and she said yes. He wanted to do a victory dance right here in the hall but he didn’t want anyone to think he was a bigger dork than he was. He left the cafeteria with a wide grin on his face and the beautiful smile of a brown-skinned goddess imprinted in his memory. His phone vibrated in his back pocket and he shuffled all his books to his left arm to pull it out. It was a text from Cindy. 

 You owe me ;)

*****

I may or may not write a part 2 or 3 to this we’ll see

[hiraffaloph]

i was tagged in another, these are fun and a gr8 way to get to know more about me I was tagged by my fav ginger @cheytheredhead rules that I do understand: tag some peeps and talk about your appearance, personality, ability, hobbies, experiences, life, relationships, and other random shit like that (I think?) people I tag: @karyotypicals @waitwhatthxfvck @jlmosier @miwd APPEARANCE: I’m v tall like 5’11” v tall. I tend to hang out in the slightly lanky to average build range (but like just how average can I be while I’m this tall). I’m super pasty and have green to blue eyes. My hair is naturally wavy and an auburn brown sort of color but I recently dyed it so it’s a turquoise type of color right now and I usually wear it straight. I also just got my nose pierced so basically I’m everything I thought was cool in middle school aesthetically. PERSONALITY: I’m such a typical INTP that it’s almost ridiculous. I’m super into dark, dry, and sarcastic humor. I’ve been pretty regularly described as the most sarcastic person that people have ever met. ABILITY: I feel like on a whole I’m okay to goodish at a lot of different things without having many things that I’m particularly great at. As far as academically I’ve always been really good at things involving reading and English. With life and work things I’m  good at working with kiddos. HOBBIES: I definitely spend way too much time on this hellsite. I really enjoy doing music related things when I have time (singing, uke, piano). I also really like doing art related things when I have the motivation to do it. EXPERIENCES: I have been to a small handful of concerts (skillet, Trans Siberian Orchestra). A few weeks ago I got to see John Mulaney live and wow wow wow it was so amazing! After high school I took a gap year and was an au pair in Germany for about 7 months. While I was there I got to go to Amsterdam for a week which was one of the single most amazing experiences of my life. Far less exciting but still important to me is that I did choir (and band for a little while) through middle and high school and got to do a lot of really cool things and meet great people through that. MY LIFE: Right now I am not up to a whole lot because of break but I’m working on GURs but I am planning on majoring in human services bc despite how cold and cynical I am I still care a whole lot about people and their wellbeing. I’m also in a place in my life right now where thankfully I get to spend a lot of time with my friends. RELATIONSHIPS: hahahaha yeah so that’s a piece of work. I’ve effectively been in two relationships which both sure have been something or another. The first one wasn’t that serious bc I was probably about 15 at the time but anyway I was basically dating a guy friend of mine but then I found out he was he was having sex with guys and lying about it so that ended that. Then this last year I was involved with one of my best friends for about 5 months but we decided to take a break based on a communication errors and now he’s dating a girl he was working with that he told me not to worry about so that’s a shit show. RANDOM: I’m definitely a night person all the way but I really appreciate early mornings when I can actually get up for them. I drink way way too much coffee all of the time. I also really like tea and cranberry ginger ale. I am basically a cat as a person bc introvert things. I am also a cat person but dogs are cool too. I have a super fluffy cat named Sherlock and a black lab named Jasper and they’re my favs.

[artterm]

2.18.20

yOoooo ok so first of all last night i was studying for my calc exam. Well it was around two in the morning and i was like uhhh hold up’ i feel deja vu. I pull up tumblr and i was like are u fr rn? This is my second time taking calc 1. Around the time of my first exam when taking calc 1 LAST semester I wrote on tumblr. I was struggling with a boy problem. Not boys. A boy. Anyways, i was stupid sad over this boy who didnt like me back anymore. So I was like no freakin way I’ve seriously liked this kid for this long???? 

Well now its four in the morning, I’m literally exhuasted and kinda wanna cry bc I have less than two hours to sleep. I closed my laptop and got into bed thinking cool I’ll get an hour of sleep all for studying for my calc exam, fml. Well now I’m thinking stupid hard about him. How his absence had an impact on me last semester. AND THEN, I started crying. I dont know why, I was just SO emotional. The last time I had cried bc of him was when he literally cut me off and said the words that honestly I may NEVER forget. ‘...I had to cut the shit off.’

So I’m sobbing at 4 am because for whatever reason the thought of why I wasn’t enough for him is floating around in my head and I’m wondering where it all went wrong. When I finally woke up for school around 6:30 in the morning I was dressing for my chem lab (I knew we’d be working with a stain so I didnt want to risk any cute clothes) so I wore some jeggings with two pairs of leggings under and ALL black jackets and hoodies. Pretty much I looked like shit. I was running on no-fucking-sleep and I as I stood there in the mirror in the morning I thought to myself, ‘lawd. Imagine if ***** saw you like this.” 

I wish I was joking. Cause thats how my day felt, like a fuckin’ joke.

First of all, APART from looking and feeling like shit when I went into the kitchen before leaving for school I thought ‘If anyone says the wrong fucking thing to me today i might cry.’ Even the mere thought of it caught me off guard. I looked up to the ceiling and bite back the tears. Not now. 

Whenever I make my walk to chem in the mornings I glance downtown wondering where you are and how you are. I hold onto the idea that maybe you sometimes wonder about me too. 

Back to my stupid ass story. So anyways, I have a break between chem and calc so I TRIED to study some more for calc and as I sat there I realized holy shit im so fucked because im tired af theres no way I’m going to be able to process anything during the exam.

And guess what happened. 

That exam 110% shitted on me. I was now at my PEAK level of sad, or so I thought (what a surprise right?). Before the exam I put my phone into my backpack. I didn’t even bother to take it out after that, because who the fuck is hitting MY line up anyway? 

Now my sappy ass is walking and im like yo whet the fuck. I either get out at 2:40 or go home around 4 when I stay doing homework after class, but today? First off I don’t even know what time it is and now i’m thinking why is there so many fuckinggggg people. I miss getting out of class at 12:30 pm. Fuck this shit. 

So I’m behind some people and the F line finally comes. I went to the side of the door so that other people could pass. As usual, you entered my thoughts. In my head I always wonder ‘what if...’

What if I saw you? I want to so badly but then again, last time i thought i saw you and i immediatly ran to a different door. It hadn’t been you that time, but this time, it was. 

I was glancing around looking for your face in the very back of the train when suddenly I saw a blue hoodie. ‘Theres no fucking way’ i thought. Then I looked at the boy’s face. He had his eyes closed and he looked very at peace. His head was leaning against the glass. Was he really sleeping? His hair was ruffled in the cutest way. 

oh god. oh fuck. I wanted to hide. I knew this is what I had wanted for so long because I’ve missed you but now that it was happening I wanted so badly to disappear. What if he saw me and didnt want to talk so he’s pretending to be asleep? Should I text you? Should I call you? fuckckckkck. 

I put my backpack down next to an older lady, ‘sorry’ ‘oh no don’t worry about it! That looks really heavy. You can sit here i’m about to get off’ ‘thank you so much!’ As I sat there i started freaking out. Should I say something? Maybe yell your name? no no you were awake by now and you had put your headphones in. You were looking out the window. What could you possibly be listening to? We were now at Yale Station and I knew that if i didnt say anything soon then that was it. I saw the empty seat next to you and I wish you knew how much I contemplated sitting next to you. I hadn’t realized how nervous you truly make me. I opened and closed the phone app around four times. I’m not going to call you. Ok fine yes I am. no no I’m not. uGH fuck ok. 

Even though there were people in the way I managed to get a peek at you when you realized your phone was ringing. You were confused, and then you pulled your phone out of your pocket. You looked up and your eyes met mine. For the first time in weeks I saw your smile.