#i’ve been switching between multiple projects for hours

[sashaisready]

Chapter 5 - Done

Nick Fowler x Shy CIA Employee Reader

Under the Radar Masterlist

Chapter Four - The Ghost

Warnings: references to sex trafficking

Wordcount: 2333

Despite your best efforts to forget it, Nick’s warning about Joe was niggling away at you. What did he mean exactly? Had something happened between the two of them? Did Nick know something you didn’t? Or was he just basing it all on a hunch he had - or worse - deliberately trying to mess with you to throw you off your game, sabotage you to prove he was right about you?

Would he really do that?

You berated yourself for letting him worm his way back in your headspace. You’d moved on. You’d barely thought about him. You’d been making progress at work. You were on the boss’ radar. You were enjoying Joe’s company. Don’t let him ruin it!

You wouldn’t.

*

The next day you were back in the makeshift Project Cotton office with Joe reading some correspondence from the FBI team. Walsh suddenly strolled into the conference room, surprising you both.

“Sir” Joe nodded. “Sorry - I thought our meeting wasn’t until this afternoon?”

“Morning both” said Walsh as he ran a finger over the letter opener left on the desk. “No, you’re right Palmer. I’ve actually come to see her” he nodded over to you.

You felt a jolt of anxiety. “Me? Uh…How can I help, Sir?”

“We’ve had an unexpected tip off from an informant in relation to Project Cotton” he explained. “We have reason to believe that this vehicle has been attending several of the key sites”.

He slid a grainy photograph of a sleek truck over to you. You could just about make out the license plate.

“Our informant has managed to get his hands on some CCTV footage which he says catches this truck attending one of the suspected sites on multiple occasions”.

“That could be a big breakthrough” you breathed excitedly. “If we can trace the owner…we might finally have a name for someone at the top of this thing.”

Walsh nodded. “Indeed. The vehicle is registered to a Mr. Ray Colebrook. He has several priors for assault…racketeering…pandering. The problem is we need more evidence in order to obtain a warrant to seize the truck and take Colebrook in for questioning”.

You looked at him pensively. “So you need…proof that he has been spotted at the site? Which could be on the CCTV?”

“Precisely” Walsh nodded. “The difficulty is…the footage is 12 hours long with hundreds of vehicles coming and going. We need someone to review the footage with a fine tooth comb and see if the truck really appears, and how many times if so - with time stamps”.

“So…that would be me” you replied, now understanding what he was asking of you.

“Correct. I know you have a lot of experience in this area. You’re patient, thorough. If the truck is on there you’ll find it. But…we do need it done by the morning, I’m sorry to say. We need to move fast, Colebrook might get spooked now he’s been using the same truck, we need that warrant ASAP before he switches it up again”.

Your eyes widened. “Review 12 hours of footage…By t-tomorrow??”

“Sir…” Joe said, concern lacing his tone.

“I know it’s a big ask. But we’re counting on you” Walsh continued. 

Your nerves gave way to determination. This was your chance to prove your value. To show everyone you were capable. To impress Walsh. To help the traffic victims. 

Not nothing. Not beige.

You nodded. 

“Alright…you can count on me” you told Walsh boldly. “I’ll work through the night it I have to”. 

“Great, thank-you…I knew you’d come through” Walsh smiled. 

“Sir…this is a big task. Do you think maybe I should step in?” Joe tentatively asked. “I don’t mind pulling an all nighter-”

He looked at you anxiously. Typical Joe, always trying to help. You felt grateful for his support. He was just trying to protect you. But he didn’t need to worry.

“Very valiant - but we need you fresh for tomorrow, Palmer” Walsh responded, his tone making it clear there was no room for further discussion. 

He was right. Joe was meant to be out in the morning scoping out one of the sites. The two of you had been planning it for weeks now. He couldn’t go out in the field exhausted from a night of watching CCTV. 

“It’s okay Agent Palmer, I’ve got this” you smiled at him reassuringly.

He looked back at you, but he didn’t look wholly convinced.

“You can have tomorrow off in lieu” Walsh added. “So you can rest up afterwards and come back fresh on Thursday where Palmer will debrief you on how his reconnaissance went.”

You nodded. “Got it. Thanks”.

You smiled at Joe again, hoping to show that you were fine to take this on. He smiled back, but you didn’t miss the slight hint of unease on his face.

*

You had actually done it. 

You couldn’t believe it. It had taken hours, you were still stuck at your desk long after everyone else was tucked up in their beds back home, but you’d done it. You blearily stared at the screen in front of you, then at the notepad where you’d scribbled the truck’s time stamps (which you’d treble checked). Done. You’d reviewed all of the footage. The source was right, the truck had visited the site several times during that 12 hour period. Now they’d have the evidence needed to get the warrant for Colebrook. 

You were utterly exhausted, but the sheer satisfaction and pride you felt buoyed you.  You’d done it! You’d made a meaningful contribution to the project. This work, although tedious, might lead to a major breakthrough in the case - all because of you. 

Not so beige after all.

You yawned, your eyelids felt like they had weights attached as you adjusted your back and wriggled your legs to get your blood pumping. You looked around, the clock was approaching 2am. Time to go. It was weird seeing the office like this. Empty. Dark. Quite eerie really.

You fired off an email to Walsh and Joe with the time stamps and camera screenshots of the truck for good measure, smiling to yourself for a job well done. 

You got up to leave - then smirked as you noticed the letter opener sitting on the corner of your desk. Might as well take this golden opportunity to continue the game with Joe. You dropped it on his keyboard as you passed by. 

You bid good night to Grant the security guard who was shocked to see you so late. He insisted on walking you to your car which was very sweet. You chatted as you walked. Grant was always easy to talk to. You didn’t have to work too hard like you did with the others.

You would text Joe in the morning to see how the mission was going. Until then…sleep. Much sleep. 

*

It was lunchtime by the time you woke up. Seems you really needed that rest. You said a silent thank-you to Walsh for giving you the day off. 

Speaking of, he’d emailed you back with a congratulatory message on all your hard work. You took a screen shot of it on your phone so you could refer to it next time you had a crisis of confidence. 

You sent a text to Joe wishing him well today and asking him to let you know how it went once he was safe to do so. You felt a pang of anxiety despite your good mood, you hoped all your planning had paid off and he would be safe today.

After that you ordered your favourite takeout for lunch (you deserved it) and jumped in the shower to finally start your day.

After you had stepped out of the shower and the second you’d finished wrapping your towel around you - the doorbell rang. You cursed, not expecting the delivery to be that quick. You glanced down nervously at your scantily clad figure. 

Fuck it. The door would only be open a few seconds. Just do it. Delivery drivers must see all kinds…

Emboldened by your new found confidence, you padded to your door and flung the door open. 

Your face fell.

“…Nick?”

He was standing in your doorway grinning like the cat who got the cream as he surveyed your figure. 

“Afternoon, princess…”

“What are you doing here?” You asked shrilly, hiding your towelled torso behind the front door.

“You don’t look sick to me”.

“What??”

“You didn’t turn up to work so I assumed you were sick. Thought I’d come check on you, but looks like you were just playing hooky”.

You rolled your eyes. 

“Actually I’m off today. Walsh let me take the time as I worked late last night. What do you want, Nick?” You barked at him. 

“That’s not a very nice way to speak to someone who came out on his break to bring you chicken soup…”

He held up a brown paper bag with the local deli design on it.

Your stomach gurgled, and you flattened any stirrings of feelings that threatened to emerge after realising Nick had brought you soup when he thought you were sick. 

“Not hungry. Well…I am. But I have takeout on its way. And I’m not sick. So…” You dismissed it with a wave of the hand.

He smiled, shrugging impassively. “Take it anyway. Heat it up later for dinner.”

He placed the bag on the doorstep. Then he took a step back and his eyes roamed up and down your body. You felt your heart pounding. How had this happened?? You were only meant to be at the door for a few seconds.

“Tryna’ give the delivery driver a heart attack, huh?” He asked, his voice low as his eyes dropped.

You felt yourself blushing as you covered yourself with your arms. “No…I-“

His smile grew wider.

“I’ve missed you, princess”.

You froze, not able to meet his gaze.

“I’ve been thinking about you a lot. Especially when I was out on the op. Your soft skin…your body….but also just…being with you”.

You couldn’t look up.

He sighed. “Look…what I said..”

“Don’t…” you hushed, feeling tears prick the back of your eyes.

“I was outta line” he continued, awkwardly clearing his throat. “I…I don’t know why I said those things. They aren’t true…I was being an asshole and you didn’t deserve any of that”.

You focus your eyes on the soup’s brown paper bag at your feet.

“…you meant it though” you responded. In your head you sounded strong but it left your mouth barely a whisper.

He shook his head. “No….no I didn’t”.

You bit your lip. He did. You remember the venom with which he said it. The mocking half smile. It was emblazoned in your memory, always there no in the background matter how hard you tried to ignore it. He had dug deep into your insecurities and yanked them up to the surface, leaving you raw and exposed.

“You’re a little quiet…sure. But you’re not beige…you’re not nothing” he said gently. “Never beige”.

You didn’t respond.

“You caught me off guard” he explained, clearly not concerned that this was a one sided conversation. “Maybe…maybe there was some truth to what you said. Maybe I was…feelingsomething. And I panicked, I went on the offensive”.

You still couldn’t look. You felt a bead of sweat drip down the back of your neck. You shuffled your feet. 

“…and I blew it. And I’m sorry. Really sorry. And I swear - nothing is going on with Mace. We went on a date once but it didn’t work out. That’s all”.

Your heart was pounding. You had longed to hear those word from him for so long. It all felt like a strange dream.

But it was too late. It felt tainted now. You didn’t even know if he was telling the truth. 

Your shock transformed into something else. You felt stronger than you had in a long time. Maybe ever. 

“You’re right, I’m not beige” you sneered, finally meeting his eye. 

He nodded.

“Yes…I’m quiet. Yes…I’ve been stuck in my job for a little too long. And yes…maybe I do blend in more than I stick out…”

He opened his mouth to speak but you continued. 

“But I’m also kind. I’m smart. I give everything my all. I may not always know what to say, or how to play the game in the same way you do…but I’m doing my best” you exhaled.

“And now I’m working on this big mission and I’m actually making a difference. Me! An Assistant!! Walsh is happy with my work and he trusts me. For the first time in my career, I’m actually being acknowledged and valued for what I have to offer”.

Nick smiled softly.

“….So, I have to thank-you Nick…”

He frowned, clearly not sure where you were going. 

“If you hadn’t been such a colossal asshole then I wouldn’t have pursued this. I wouldn’t have spoken to Walsh and pushed myself to discover what I’m truly capable of. So thank-you, Nick. Thank-you for breaking my heart. Because in your own twisted way, you helped me. But…I’m done with you. I don’t want to speak to you unless I have to. I don’t want to see you. I don’t want you turning up at my front door anymore”.

He blanched, his jaw tightening.

“…so take your soup…” you picked up the bag and shoved it into his chest. “And your apologies. And leave me the fuck alone”. 

You blew out a puff of air, hardly believing you’d just said what you’d said. 

Nick wore his poker face as his eyes found yours. He just stared back at you for a few moments, until he finally nodded and began to retreat.

You watched him walk down the path until he stopped for a second, turning to look at you one last time. 

“You were never beige” he said softly. “You’re actually….vibrant. All the colours at once”.

And then he was gone.

*

Chapter 6 - File

[whentherewerebicycles]

time for another HOUSE UPDATE!!!

I love my house so much 😭 I am not a very tidy person by nature and was worried that doubling my square footage would mean way more space to produce mess & clutter. but it turns out that living in a place that feels more like a house really changes the way I feel about house upkeep. I’ve invested so much time/work/money into making it a beautiful livable space and I feel like that makes the act of taking care of the space feel more joyful. I’ve also been able to replace a lot of my old banged-up furniture and belongings with nicer things and that makes me want to take better care of my space too because it’s not just like full of stuff I’ve been lugging around since I graduated from college. like I’m not somebody who loves spending money on home furnishings lol I still find that quite painful but there’s a pretty big difference between the couch you can afford when you’re 22 and making $13k a year and the couch you can afford when you’re 33 and making a generous grownup salary. so it’s been nice to be able to move up a couple tiers and to invest in stuff that looks nicer and will hopefully last a long time if I take good care of it.

also from a tidying perspective it turns out that if there’s just one person living in a house there’s actually less concentrated mess/clutter. I think this is because you can spread the same stable amount of mess out across multiple rooms… and when there’s lower clutter per room that makes it seem easier and less overwhelming to quickly pick up a space while you’re waiting for water to boil or coming in from a walk or whatever. when I was living in a much smaller space I basically had my room, my small bathroom, and an open plan living area that had to function as a kitchen, dining room, office, living room, entry hall, library, and storage area. that was fine/totally workable! but it also meant that if I left a bunch of books on the kitchen table while working in my ‘office’ I didn’t have place to drop stuff or eat so I’d turn the couch into a temporary storage or dining area and then I wouldn’t have anywhere to sit so I’d have to go to my room and then if I wasn’t actively using the living room much I’d wind up piling more junk there to keep my bedroom clear and within like 24 hours a space could go from being relatively tidy to feeling overwhelmingly cluttered and disorganized and then it just felt like so much work to pick it up because like ALL my stuff was strewn around in there. anyway I LOVE having the extra space and I am working hard not just to take care of it but also to find some joy and satisfaction in doing so! so far so good.

as far as house projects go: I’m very happy with the living room and am so, so glad I spent the time finding the right color and repainting it even though the process was a bit maddening. I’m pleased with the gallery wall too and I could not love the couch area more. it’s such a cozy space and I love having people over to hang out in it. I still need to find homes for some of the plants that are currently camping out in there and I’d like to either finish scraping paint off the light switch plates or just buy cheap new ones to replace them. I still need to get a TV console but I feel so defeated by the failure of the last one that I’m just not emotionally strong enough yet lol. I think I will probably need to resign myself to dropping more money on that purchase than I want to if I want to get something of better quality than the shitty particleboard one that didn’t work out. I think I’m just gonna put that off until my old job pays out my unused vacation days.

kitchen is good too… I felt some initial uncertainty about the yellow but it’s grown on me and it really does make me so happy every morning to come down on a dark gray rainy day and make coffee in my cheerful yellow kitchen. I need to figure out what to put on that far wall still (I don’t like the decorative clock there) but I’m just browsing Pinterest and waiting to see if the answer comes to me in time.

the half bath is definitely going to be my next big project. here’s what it looks like now (shield your eyes it’s SO blah):

my priorities are:

cover the extremely lame existing half-tiled walls with peel and stick tile

get a good rug in there to cover up the blah floor tiles

replace the very blah Home Depot cheapo mirror with a more interesting mirror

potentially paint the walls for a pop of color (or find a white that doesn’t feel as dingy)

put a shelf with cute little potted cacti over the toilet

get some good art on the walls (might go with texas-themed photos tbd)

get cute towels to match the color scheme

I have a hazy vision for a color scheme and decor feel—I’m thinking a rich playful saturated teal + terracotta pink-oranges with a southwestern desert/austin-y vibe. I’m not one hundred percent sure on that yet but we’ll see. right now I’m considering these tile patterns:

^^ this last one is probably my fave and I love the blue of the walls too. the color I have in mind for my bathroom walls is a bit more saturated but not too far off:

it photographs quite green hmm but in the actual light it’s a very pretty blue-leaning teal with lots of green in it. (I would probably swatch one with a bit more blue in it too just to see it on the wall.)

the tile question is a slightly frustrating one because there are three diff types of tile in that bathroom (all of them ugly as sin) and for some reason the half tiled wall is only on two of the four walls (whyyyyyy would you do that! why tile it at all!). so I have to decide if I’m going to peel and stick tile the half wall or the floor. one option is to wallpaper the half wall with something a little more neutral then do the terracotta tiles on the floor… the other is to do the terracotta tiles on the half wall and leave the floor as is in hopes that a rug can cover a good portion of it. all options seem like a headache lol but thoughts would be appreciated if you have any.

[daja-the-hypnokitten]

Jukebox reviews part 38! For context, see my post “A Project” under this same tag. If you want to see a full list of his EMCSA stories, they can be found here, sorted alphabetically.And if you want to see some of his drabbles, check out his blog at @jukeboxemcsa

Lost in the Echo

 date uploaded   date updated     Tags

11/25/2017                                   mc ma

Ok, Dian, except that any good Master or Mistress wants their slave(s) to be successful, to be fulfilled. Sure, for some folk that's sexual service, but in *this* economy? Really? Much better to have a dedicated, disciplined slave who thrives at school or work because that's what she's been controlled to do, then who comes home, finishes any work she needs to do, and can just let *go.*

That highly practical point aside, oh, this is GOOD. I'm not at all surprised by the ending - that just feels like the obvious conclusion here, really - but it's the part in between, how her thoughts drag her right back to the reality of her surrender, how every though reminds her of the file she's trying to resist, how even the thought of resistance just reminds her of how lost she already is. It's a wonderful spiral, and a concept I may just steal for my own use (in a much modified form.) 10/10 spirals 

 You’re Not an Ordinary Girl

 date uploaded   date updated     Tags

12/2/2017                                     mc ff rb

Ah, Charity is SO One Of Us, and that's refreshing to see in the Girls(tm) universe. I mean, I figured some people with Girls(tm) had to be, just given demographics, but still. I never had the Trust in Me moment - I don't know if I ever actually *saw* The Jungle Book - so I don't entirely understand the fascination with Kaa, so that part doesn't resonate for me. But that moment, the "oh, it's *real*" moment? That's a lovely, wonderful moment that makes this story hit in a very satisfying way. And I appreciate the Girls(tm) acknowledging the work that Charity did, the idea, such that they just gave her a Girl(tm). 9/10 spirals. 

 Tunnel Vision

 date uploaded   date updated     Tags

12/9/2017                                     mc mf md

So. Reading this story makes me want to mention that the classic, Game Boy version, of Tetris is now available with the Nintendo Switch Online expansion pass. In case anyone has access to that and wants to experiment. For Reasons(tm). I definitely understand the zoning out to a video game, though Tetris isn't one that would scratch that itch for me the way some games do. Stardew Valley, or a rhythm game? sure. I lost *hours* to the time sink that was Guitar Hero. But that hyperfocus on a video game is *so* familiar, even if I've never been lucky enough to have a partner hijack that for some fun, as happens here. But the idea of it? Oh, I like it in theory at least. 9/10 spirals. 

 The Kidnap Show

 date uploaded   date updated     Tags

12/16/2017                                   mc mf md

This one's a bit of a miss for me. The setup just feels *off* in so many ways I can't quite articulate, and it feels creepily predatory in a way I don't like. It's more voyeuristic than I prefer, too, and I think that's part of what feels off. If you're the sort to enjoy one person being conditioned to want to be a slave while watching someone else surrender, this is a good one for you, but... it isn't for me. 4/10 spirals 

 Remember to Remember

 date uploaded   date updated     Tags

12/23/2017                                   mc mf md

A 50-50 chance always seems pretty reasonable, until you have to get the same result multiple times in a row. Probability's deceptive like that. And this story uses that for a really interesting confusion induction that just overwhelms Judy in a delightful way. I love the look inside her head as she gets overwhelmed not just by the number of combinations, but also the increasing level of abstraction. It's just good, quality hypnosis. 9/10 spirals 

 Juicy Jungle

 date uploaded   date updated     Tags

12/30/2017                                   mc ff

Oh, this is sweet and tender and adorable and also has a lovely charge of heat to it. Long distance relationships are hard, but a routine, a habit, can make it less hard. Seeing this small snippet of Emily's life, of her relationship with Janelle, is lovely, though I find it more heart-melting than hot, perse. But that's me being a hopeless romantic for you. 10/10 spirals 

 Dogs Can Grow Beards All Over

 date uploaded   date updated     Tags

1/6/2018                                       mc mf fd

Well, none of those are the mnemonics *I* used for cellular bio, but I suppose they work. Can she come up with a good one for the steps of the Krebs Cycle? that was the hard one for me. It's a clever use of the basic nature of mnemonics to get inside someone's head and work on their mind. But it reminded me of a few too many of my own late nights memorizing biology stuff. (the Chemistry I could handle. It was the bio part of biochem that took doing) 8/10 spirals. 

 Girl Next Door (Jukebox)

 date uploaded   date updated     Tags

1/20/2018                                     mc mf ff fd ma rb

This one's another voyeurism-based one, so I don't really enjoy it as much as others. It's well set up, and I have to wonder how much the curtains getting left open was an intentional choice on the part of Chandra's Girl(tm). It just feels too perfect to not be intentional. Jeremy's eventual surrender feels inevitable, and I'm admittedly curious just how much Chandra's Girl(tm) was playing things up for Jeremy. 7/10 spirals 

 Stronger

 date uploaded   date updated     Tags

1/20/2018                                     mc ff

Oh, I love the idea of using someone's strength "against" them, to lead them to surrender. "your strength is my strength now" is... *yes,* I like this line. And taking advantage of exhaustion, too, is such a clever idea. It's less than ethical, and the way Sasha reacts to her bothers me somewhat, but outside of that it's just a delightful view of the inside of Sasha's head as her strength is turned to another's service. 8/10 spirals 

 Choose to Be Me

 date uploaded   date updated     Tags

1/27/2018                                     mc ff

I *dislike* Francesca. This story is a combination of someone with attitudes I dislike, what feels like serial recruitment, and just cold disdain for someone not fitting a mold. It's well done, and if you like those things you'll almost assuredly like this story, but I just don't. 3/10 spirals

[normally-alexis]

heyy, can u please write a nsfw fic with georgenotfound in the shower(like the one from the hc, but a more detailed one yk hehe)

thankies!<3

Pairings -Georgenotfound x Reader

{AU}- Covid free

CW- Shower sex, NSFW, marks.

Context - "Georgenotfound - He'd hug you from behind and slowly fuck you while cleaning you off, it's a two-for-one deal if you were being honest."

( PS This is a little different mainly 'dom' George.)

You were sitting on the bed swinging your legs along the edge waiting for George to arrive home. Apparently, he's out with Dream and Sapnap, you weren't jealous of the two of them but you were kinda upset he did give most of his attention to the two.

It didn't matter if they hung out for most of the day a few hours with George was still an amazing thought for you. It's pretty often for you to go to sleep alone and wake up alone without him.

It didn't really bother you going through the past year it happened a lot and you just got used to it. You didn't have as much sex as you usually had before moving to Flordia.

He was excited to see his friends after the Travel ban, I mean who wouldn't since they were friends for multiple years and you two had been dating for a year and a half.

You enjoyed George being happy and didn't really speak up about any discomfort about him being out pretty late. You got off of your bed and went towards the dresser.

You grab some underwear and a shirt, You went towards the bathroom and opened the door. You walk inside of the bathroom and move towards the sink.

Starring inside of the mirror you start taking off your necklace and placing it on the counter. Once you finish you lift your shirt up and start taking your Bra off and let it drop on the floor.

You start taking your shirt off and let it fall on the floor, You start stripping your shorts off and then removing your underwear. Once you were finally done stripping your clothes off you grab a rag on the side of the counter.

You grab the rag and walk over towards the shower, you start running the water and the water hits your body. Waiting until the water got hot.

You stood waiting within the shower for it to get at least remotely hot because you didn't like cold water. Meanwhile being busy inside of the shower George was unlocking the door.

He unlocked the door and entered inside of the apartment floor dropping some stuff at the door. He walks over towards the bed and tries laying down on the bed.

He looks directly at the bathroom and gets back up on his feet, He walks over towards the bathroom and peaks inside. The water is running and it's getting highly steamed inside of the room.

He enters inside of the bathroom and takes his hoodie off, he's not hungover but it's not this often he actually comes home. He starts removing his shirt and starts removing his pants.

He starts stripping the extra clothing and walks over towards the shower and enters inside of the shower. He steps in getting shot with water, You step closer away from him giving him more space to roam.

"C'mon don't be scared It's my first time back and you don't even miss me?' George backed you closer into a corner not really pinning you against the wall but he didn't give you much room to move from.

"I suppose so, but you could have just stayed with Dream and Sapnap," You covered up the doubt of not being watched over / cared for enough by George. "I've just gotten back and you're already being bitchy, like always" He cups your face into his hands and looks down at you.

He stops cupping your face and pushes your hair from your face making you look directly at him. "Aww, Somebody's mad" It's just some random teases to make up for a month with no sex or romantic touches.

He leans more closer towards you and picks you up making you jump into his arms. He pushes you against the tile wall and your back gets a slight ache and you let out a soft grunt.

Your back was against the wall and he tries to direct himself and keep you up within the air. He directs himself inside of you and when he enters he pushes himself up which is one of the things keeping you up.

You wrap your arms around his neck and holding onto him. You didn't like the idea of falling and messing up having sex so you tried not to be awkward within the situation.

"Can I start moving," George wanted to be as polite as possibly but always not to the point he'd be labeled as 'soft.' You nodded your head agreeing to his requests and he starts moving slowly at first.

His pace was one of your smaller worries but you really just wanted to experience the moment with him. The both of you hadn't been very sexually active so this would fill in for most of the part.

He's against your walls but not necessarily damaging or putting any bruises just going over it like a hand against a soft brush.

Taking it at a slow pace and him projecting himself as the more dominant figure was one of the best possible comebacks. George would often hit your g-spot but tease you by "accidentally " missing it or gently gliding over it.

You kept on choking on your words even though he wasn't going rough on you yet. A lot of things slipped out of your mouth moaning but George didn't understand it. "Speak up, English perhaps" it's such an annoying bother that he teases you knowing that you can't speak and moan at the same time.

His pace did change multiple times switching between slow and rough and fast and soft, there's a lot of times when he would be fast and rough and basically just to get you angry.

Hearing you beg and plead for him to do other things really did bring a smile to his face. His thrusts did get sloppy the more he continued hitting your walls and g-spot, not caring if he messed up or made mistakes.

It's easier to thrust whenever both you and your partner were already aroused or turned on by each other making the sex immaculate. You did leave a few deep makes engraved within his shoulders giving them some redlining and the top of his shoulders were pink.

He pushes himself further inside of you and cums leaving your insides pretty sticky. When he finally finished and pulled out your insides were pretty much covered with cum and leaking out on the tile floor.

"Weren't showers supposed to clean you up, not make you dirty again huh George."

[canonicallysoulmates]

J2′s Virtual Con Panel (March 7th, 2021)

Alright, let’s talk j2! As all of you probably know by now Jared and Jensen had a virtual con panel today (March 7th, 2021); it was the first j2 con panel of the year, and we started on a good note. I will be providing some time stamps, and as always I will be providing a link to the whole panel at the end of this post so y’all can watch it for yourself, I highly recommend doing so, it was a really good panel. 

Okay, let’s jump right into it!

- The panel started late, and the reason I am mentioning that is because I have to comment on how stressful that wait was with the grey screen saying ‘standby!’. I much rather preferred the countdown, it was less stressful 😅 

- Anyways, the panel starts off with some cute banter between the boys, they spend around 6mins just talking to each other, joking about Jensen’s hair, telling stories about each other. Honestly, answering questions was unnecessary because I would have happily seen a full hour of that, of just them talking. 

- Jensen said he missed Jared 🥺

- So...Jared addressed Jensen’s birthday and okay let’s talk about this. After Jensen says he missed Jared and that it’s been so long since they’ve seen each other, Jared fumbles on his way to comment about how he was gonna post for Jensen’s birthday. You can practically see his brain buffer cause I s2g that man was this close to saying he was with Jensen before his brain kicked in, and then he switched lanes to mention taking a trip with G for their anniversary. 

Of course I have an opinion about this, I don’t know if I’ll be able to express it coherently, but I shall try; it is so incredibly convenient he’d mention what has been a big talking point in fandom for the past couple of days. This is such a stupid thing to lie about, and it’s a lie that falls apart in seconds cause if you think about it shit don’t make sense. 

We know that Jared and G were on a trip, but we also know they were in Colorado. Thanks to D’s hairstylist, we know Jensen’s also in Colorado. 

So, I’m expected to believe that these two men who are incredibly close, who in this same panel mention how much they’ve missed each other, that Jared who says he didn’t post on his boy’s birthday (and yes he called Jensen his boy again 🥰) because he got all emotional thinking about how this was gonna be the first birthday in years he wasn’t gonna be by Jensen’s side and be able to give him a hug- I am expected to believe that Jared was in the same state and didn’t even make a pitstop by where Jensen’s at?! That they’d be in the same state and not even meet up?!  Not only that, Jared and G’s anniversary was on the 27th which fell on a Saturday, based on reports we know they took that trip from the 28th to the 1st, if this was an anniversary trip why not make it a weekend thing from Friday to Sunday? Why do it from Sunday to Monday which was a workday? And I’m also expected to believe that they went on an “anniversary trip” and little mrs. social media preferred to post an old ass pic and not post anything at all from said trip, even posting a pic as if she were in Austin on the 1st.  Bitch please, I love you but go to someone else with that tale cause I ain’t buying. 

- Continuing with the panel, the boys start answering questions and I’mma just tell y’all right now a lot of the questions in this panel are kinda shit. This is the first panel of the year, both these men have big projects going on and yet the first question is about parenting. Their answer is pretty much the same thing they always answer, that they can’t do it alone, that most of it is their wives, Jared says he helps with the kids in the morning and then goes to the guest house and leaves Gen to it, if you’ve heard once you’ve heard it a million times. 

- Next question is about dreams, and Jensen makes a joke about mushroom induced dreams that Jared finds so hilarious he has to duck out of frame. I don’t know if y’all have ever seen The Late Show with Stephen Colbert but Stephen’s wife is usually there when he’s filming and that woman laughs at even his stupidest jokes, if you see them interact they are that couple that is so obviously in love years into their marriage, they make each other laugh, and the reason why I am bringing this up in a j2 post is because that is the vibe that moment had! Actually, that’s the vibe a lot of this panel had; that mushroom joke was not that funny yet Jared reacted as if Jensen was the funniest man in the world.  And the j2 doesn’t stop there because when it’s Jared’s time to answer the question the boys say they’re in each other’s dreams. x 

- Jared said he sits in the Impala in his garage 🥺 Jensen said his Impala is safe and covered in a secure location in Austin, which I’m going to interpret as he left it with Jared.

- A fan asked if we would see director!Jensen make an appearance on Walker and Jared revealed he was supposed to! Jensen was slated to direct episode 5 of Walker but due to commitments to The Boys he sadly wasn’t able to but both boys say that it will happen and it’s something they’re looking forward to. So are we boys, so are we ❤

- When talking about how Jensen was supposed to direct episode 5 of Walker, Jensen commented that Jared was looking forward to having someone who knew him so well and could help him creatively on the set. Now, I will for no particular reason remind y’all that G works on the show. 

I love Jensen ☕ 

-  Moving on! Jensen talked about his production company. He said it is currently developing 5 different projects including one that they will be delivering to the network this week and that they have a project he’s excited about with an spn alumn. He said working on these projects and his company is what he’s been spending his time on in Colorado.

- Jensen put on a beanie and y’all are not ready for what happened. Not only did he look cute af, not only did Jared like how Jensen looked and compliment him but he called Jensen babe 😍 Now listen you don’t have to take my word for it, listen to the audio a couple times, form your own opinion about what you hear but I have listened to multiple versions of that clip with headphones multiples times at different volumes...and imo Jared calls Jensen babe, you can try to take that from me over my dead body. x  

- They were talking about a fight outtake they did on the finale in slow motion, and did an example and when I tell y’all those two somehow managed to do an in perfectly in sync slowmo fight virtually! 

- They showed their matching tattoos! 

- Jensen sends Jared shirtless selfies and gives him beard updates. I swear I am not making this up. 

- And in the line of things I swear I am not making up is that Jared grabbed the pic Jensen send him, and edited it to make it seem as if Jensen was singing the clean version of WAP, that is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen 😂

- Jensen said him and Jared like to watch the early season gag reels 🤗

- At one point Jensen tried to tell one of Jared’s jokes and not even three words in this man was already in tears laughing so hard, he says it’s something that makes him laugh every time he thinks about it, he could barely get through the joke and to be fair it is hilarious; the joke goes: Did you hear there was an explosion at a cheese factory in France? The brie was everywhere. That cracked me tf up and it left them in tears 😂

- Jensen called Jared a freaking ox 😂

- Jensen says that if the roles were reversed and Sam had died, Dean would have wasted away at the back of a pool hall 😭

- The panel ends with j2 saying I love you to each other 😭❤

It was a really good panel, I had missed these men so so so so much, they have brightened my spirits and I’ve been in a good mood since I watched it, they just make me so happy 🥰. If you haven’t seen it yet I highly recommend doing so, the boys were looking cute, it was funny, they kept making each other laugh and there was even heart eyes! Jared kept getting the cutest little smile when Jensen was speaking, it was adorable! 

J2 Virtual Panel 

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Audrey Roget

Audrey Roget has 10 fics at Gossamer, with some different ones at AO3, fanfiction.net, and her website. You might know her from her very good fics or as part of Musea, a collective that all wrote fic and posted X-Files fic recs. I’ve recced some of my favorites of her stories here before, including Three Times Dana Scully Didn’t Go to San Diego for Christmas and The Shirt. Big thanks to Audrey for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)? A little, yes. Not so much by folks who were around in those days. I sometimes go hunting for beloved stories from the early years, both those I read and loved, and those I never got around to. I am always delighted to hear that later generations of fans have stumbled across my stuff, especially since I haven’t posted anything new in a number of years. It’s fantastic that both years-long fans and new ones are out there continuing to rec fic from all eras, and to maintain archives for fans yet-to-be born. What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it? What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general? It may sound corny, but the main thing I think of, and the thing that has ultimately been most valuable and lasting, has been the friendships. The feeling of having found a tribe – not just of TXF fans, but of other people who could be as enthusiastically engaged as I was (if not more so) with fictional stories and characters – was mind-blowing. Since I was a kid, I had often mulled over the books/movies/TV I loved and speculated internally about what happened off the page or off-screen, or created new stories for characters in my head. But, except for an elementary school phase where I and my two BFFs regularly played Charlie’s Angels, I hadn’t engaged in that kind of gleeful immersion in a fictional world with others until TXF fandom. My involvement in fandom followed pretty quickly from getting hooked on the show, so for me, it’s all one big ball of experiences. Even as my interest in/involvement in fandom has waxed and waned over the years, I’ve been lucky to remain friends with wonderful people who I originally connected with as fellow fans.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)? What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

My initial entrée to the fandom was through fanfiction. I didn’t get interested in the show until mid-season 5. Around the same time, I read an article in a zine called Might (co-founded by Dave Eggers) about this thing called fanfiction that people would write and publish online. At first I thought it was satire or a joke – the fic cited involved Wilma Flintstone and a polished sabre tooth, as I recall – but then realized this was an actual thing. So I figured that a show then at the peak of pop culture must have fanfiction, and I went looking. Early on, I scrolled atxc on a daily basis and downloaded stories. But I didn’t engage in discussions about the show on Usenet, since I only knew how to access it with my Earthlink email client, and I didn’t want to post using my real name.

Later, I set up a pseud address with Yahoo and subscribed to a couple of email fanfic/discussion lists, and stayed subscribed to those for years. There was also a period in there somewhere – of maybe only a year or so, when I think about it – when I’d often nerd out into the wee hours with other fans via IM chat groups. That was around the time the small writers’ collective Musea was founded, and we were active for several years after the show’s initial run. In the early aughts, I followed many authors to LiveJournal and eventually set up my own account and stayed involved in fandom that way, until it mostly dispersed as well. What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show? In a word: Chemistry. I had casually watched a couple of episodes during the first four seasons, but I’m not a huge sci-fi/horror fan at heart, and the story lines didn’t immediately grab me. But I happened to tune into The Red and the Black in 1998, and BOOM. For the first time, the intense layers of emotion and attraction between Mulder and Scully really struck me – and then of course, upon further viewing, I realized it was unmissable, an essential element in the fabric of the show. As a wise woman once said, a switch had been flicked. Mulder and Scully’s magnetism was like nothing I’d ever seen, and though I eventually came to appreciate the storytelling, humor, production values, and other components that made the series so successful, watching those characters interact has always been what kept me coming back. Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files? I was part of a list-serv discussion group for The West Wing for a while, which was a fun melding of character and plot analysis with political discussion. Later, I got into the House, MD fandom, again mostly as a fanfic reader/writer. I was finding that other fandoms, unlike TXF, were more dispersed, the networks of people structured more loosely, if at all. There were fanfic and discussion communities on LiveJournal, and fanfiction.net was the other main hub for posting and reading, but if there was anything centralized like Gossamer, Ephemeral, or the Haven, I never found it. Within all those fan communities, as in TXF, there were partisans for various characters and pairings, and flame wars erupted over plot developments that outraged this faction or that. One main difference was that those other shows had larger, ensemble casts and more varied subplots. So on one hand, there was more opportunity to explore back stories and multiple perspectives. In House MD in particular, there were several entrenched rival shipper camps, which were about equally grounded in canon, rather than TXF’s central ship. I was less into TWW fic, but my impression was that readers were less militant about their pairing preferences than TXF or House fans. Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

I was deeply fascinated by Greg House for several years. (And the love-hate chemistry between him and Lisa Cuddy was a strong draw for me.) House MD came early in a wave of TV shows centered on anti-heroes, and Hugh Laurie brought amazing complexity and thoughtfulness to the character.

Philip and Elizabeth Jennings (The Americans) are a lethal pair of antiheroes. The inherent moral conflict of a sympathetic narrative from their POVs, and the global political conflict they embody was TV catnip for me. The internal struggles at the hearts of those characters were so exquisitely written and performed, they completely fascinate me.

The West Wing felt so much like a show created specifically for me. I’m especially fond of story arcs and scenes that centered on CJ Cregg, Charlie Young, and Josh Lyman. Though I loved Martin Sheen’s human portrayal of Jed Bartlet, the fact that he was the President always made him a little untouchable in my mind. But CJ, Charlie, and Josh were basically hard-working functionaries who were ambitious and idealistic and funny and flawed, and they spoke to me. What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom? Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully? Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I do continue to think about Mulder and Scully and watch episodes somewhat often. I’ll sometimes run a favorite episode as background when I want something comforting on. I read TXF fic pretty regularly, which can inspire me to go back and watch a particular episode or story arc I haven’t thought about in years. Just recently, I started listening to The X-Files Diaries podcast (@XFDPodcast, @admiralty-xfd), and that’s a fun dive into the characters, and how other fans react to and interpret episodes.

Every once in a while, a TV show or movie – and more particularly, the characters – will grab my attention and make me curious about how fanfic writers have interpreted the original material. Random example, I saw Singin’ in the Rain for the first time in a theatre a couple of years ago, and the chemistry of the three leads sent me to AO3 as soon as I got home. I also loved the first season of Mercy Street and found some well-done stories in that fandom. I usually peruse the Yuletide gifts every year and have been amazed by the sheer variety, creativity and cheekiness of the output. There are a bunch of other shows I’ve followed faithfully, and sought out fanfic – Broadchurch, The Killing, Agents of SHIELD, Elementary, The Good Wife. Although I’ve found some well-written stuff in those fandoms, I’ve rarely gotten the same charge from them as reading TXF fic. Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

syntax6 (@syntax6) – Universal Invariants/Laws of Motion. I’d also shout out to syn’s Hunter fics, too – well worth reading even for those who have never seen or particularly loved the show itself.

JET – I re-read Small Lives Awake every year around Thanksgiving time. Other annual holiday re-reads: Revely’s The Dreaming Sea and Jordan’s Through the Fire (both set at Halloween).

Amal Nahurriyeh’s Casey universe – the rare post-col fic that felt hopeful, made extra intriguing by a kick-ass original character. [Lilydale note: the series starts with Machines of Freedom and has lots of additional fics and snippets.]

Prufrock’s Love – Finding Rokovoko was genuinely terrifying and tender.

melforbes (@melforbes) – Seaglass Blue is a recent favorite, lyrical and bittersweet.

These are just a few (apologies to those that didn’t come to mind immediately). Fortunately for readers, there’s an astonishing number of authors who have written in TXF fandom whom you can depend on for a good yarn, insightful character study, and/or ingenious “fixes” where 1013 went awry.

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Probably the two set in my own (former) backyard of Southern California: Enivrez-vous and Ravenous. I’d first read the Baudelaire poem that was the source of the former’s title back in university days, so I was tickled to be able to use a few lines as an epigraph. Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online? It’s not out of the realm possibility. I’d meant for “Three Times Dana Scully Didn’t Go to San Diego for Christmas” to be followed up with “And One Time She Did.” In fact, the idea for that never-finished story was what inspired “Three Times” in the first place. I have a couple of scenes sketched out and – unusually for me – even know exactly how to end it. Every year, November rolls around, and I think I should finish and post it…maybe in 2021?

Where do you get ideas for stories? Sometimes it’s from my environment. “Enivrez-vous” and “Ravenous” describe places that I’m fond of, that made me want to place Mulder and Scully there. “What Not to Wear” has that element too – I set it in Memphis as a tribute to a great trip there with a sister Musean. But WNTW was also inspired by a kink challenge in a years-ago LiveJournal thread, so sometimes ideas come from fandom discussions or even other fanfics. In the House MD fandom, a fic by another writer made me want to continue the story, and the author kindly allowed an authorized sequel. What's the story behind your pen name? I wanted my pseudonym to sound like it could be a real person’s name – or at least, maybe like a romance writer’s pen name – rather than an online handle. I also wanted to use a slightly obscure fictional character, to amuse anyone in the know. I had long had a bit of an obsession with Whit Stillman’s 1990s film trilogy, which started with Metropolitan; the 3rd installment, Last Days of Disco, came out the same year I started down the TXF rabbit hole: 1998. The central heroine of Metropolitan – who is mentioned in or makes a cameo in the other two – is Audrey Rouget, a lover of Austen and, eventually, a book editor. I altered the spelling of the last name as a nod to every writer’s companion, Roget’s Thesaurus. Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions? I have a few close friends – from outside TXF fandom – who know that I’ve written fanfic. I don’t know if they know my pseud; if they do, or if they’ve ready any of the fic, they haven’t said so to me. They are fannish sorts themselves, but not really TXF fans. A smattering of other friends and family members know or could intuit that I’ve been a fangrl on some level for years. My boss, whom I’ve known for about 3 years, recently mentioned off-handedly that she was really obsessed with TXF “back in the day,” and I am DYING to know if she got involved in fandom, but don’t think I’ll ever work up the courage to ask.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now? Most of the X-Files stuff continues to be generously and steadfastly archived by Forte at The Basement Office. The House MD stories and some TXF things are at fanfiction.net; same for AO3. If ever post anything new, it will probably go to TBO and AO3. I really ought to get it all together in one place, one of these days…

(Posted by Lilydale on April 6, 2021)

[theeasternempress]

Revelations of a Moonflower

Summary - Tech is tired of seeing Omega cooped up in the Havoc Marauder all day, so he steals her away for a midnight adventure he hopes she won’t forget. However, their trip leads to some unexpected and unwelcome revelations for Tech. 

Word count - 2.9k 

AO3

Tech couldn’t comprehend how a child of Omega’s age was coping with being stuck on a small ship for almost every hour of almost every day. All of the articles he had read on childcare said that children needed open space to run about and play in, but Omega hardly got that kind of stimulation. 

Tonight, Tech decided, would be different. 

It was their second of three nights on a random planet that had been untouched by the Empire. The planet was well-known for having one of the rarest flowers in the galaxy as its native plant, the Persepta moonflower. The plant only grew for a month and while it produced many flowers, each bloom would only open for a single night before dying with the sunrise. 

It happened to be a coincidence that they were visiting the planet during the prime time of the plant’s blooming. If the village reports were correct, there was a small patch of these moonflowers about two klicks away. 

The only issue with Tech’s plan was that he would either have to keep Omega up past her bedtime or wake her up a few hours after she went to bed. He knew Hunter would be furious with either option, but Tech could endure Hunter’s rage if it meant Omega would be happy. In the end, he decided it would be best to let her sleep for a bit and then wake her up.   

He left his plan a surprise for Omega, not wanting her to get excited about the flower and being disappointed if Tech was unable to find it. He also intentionally kept his plan a secret from his brothers so they didn’t try to talk him out of it or tag along. He wanted this to be a special moment just for himself and Omega, as selfish as that sounded. 

Tech waited impatiently for night to fall, doing his best to distract himself with the numerous projects he was working on. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Hunter put Omega to bed and tucked her into her blankets. Hunter had almost immediately made himself in charge of putting Omega to bed every night, and no one protested. How could they, when they all understood the deep fondness that the two had for each other. 

Hunter came up to the cockpit with Tech for the first watch while Echo and Wrecker got some rest. Tech had never felt nervous around his brother before, but he found himself unable to look at him tonight. He knew that logically, Hunter would likely be fine with Tech’s plan as long as Omega was safe, but a more powerful force kept him from sharing it. 

A few hours passed by and Echo woke up to switch posts with Hunter. Tech smiled to himself, proud that the first part of his plan was falling into place. It would be much easier to explain the situation to Echo, who Tech was sure would just nod and tell him to not be gone too long. 

Tech waited ten minutes for Hunter to fall asleep, keeping an ear out for his thundering snores. The moment he heard them, he set his project aside and turned to Echo to say, “Echo, I plan to take some time tonight to take Omega to see the Persepta moonflower. You’ve heard of it, I’m sure.”

Echo nodded and said, “Yeah, I’ve heard you talk about it before. Just keep an eye on her and have her back soon. Don’t want her to be too tired tomorrow morning.”

Tech stood up and patted his brother on the shoulder before brushing past him to Omega’s room. He quietly pulled back her curtain to find her curled up facing him with Lula clutched in her arms. Her mouth hung open, but she didn’t make a noise as she slept soundly. Tech almost backed out of his plan the moment he saw her lost in her dreams, but quickly decided that she would want her dreams to be interrupted for this. 

Tech placed a hand on Omega’s shoulder, shaking her as he whispered, “Omega, I need you to wake up.”

Her soft brown eyes fluttered open a moment later, hints of her dreams still lingering in her eyes. Omega grumbled softly as she stretched her arms and legs out, then held her arms out to Tech in a way he had learned meant she wanted to be picked up. He grabbed her under her arms and lifted her out of her bed, carefully setting her on the ground. 

Omega reached a hand up to her eyes to wipe away her grogginess while Tech did his best to fix her bedhead. He kneeled down to her level and quietly spoke, “Omega, there’s something I’d like to show you. It’s a bit of a walk, but I can assure you it’s well worth it.”

Omega perked up at that, always excited to get to leave the ship for a bit. Tech turned to guide her off the ship, but not before Omega quietly slipped her hand in his. Tech stiffened slightly at the contact, but found that he enjoyed her warm palm pressed into his. 

Tech led her off the ship, his datapad in hand with the coordinates to the moonflower’s location plugged in. He’d already memorized the path they needed to take, but he kept his datapad out just in case.

“Where are we going?” Omega chirped, staring straight up at the stars. 

“Just for a midnight walk. There are many nocturnal life forms awake at night that you would not get to see during the day and I assumed you would like to see them,” Tech stated. It was a white lie, but he didn’t want to spoil the surprise. Nonetheless, Omega seemed to buy it. 

While they walked, Omega asked countless questions about the nocturnal wildlife Tech had mentioned. Tech had prepared himself for these kinds of questions, so he answered her with freshly-memorized information, always prepared for another question after he finished answering another. 

Throughout it all, Omega kept her hand pressed firmly against Tech’s. He had no idea how such a simple contact could mean so much to him, but now he never wanted her to let go.  

Tech knew they should be approaching the plant soon and just as he was about to check his datapad for the coordinates, he saw a shimmer of petals just off the path. Moonlight reflected off of the silver-blue petals of the flowers, and he heard Omega gasp as she laid her eyes on it. 

“That’s what I brought you here to see, Omega. It’s called the Persepta moonflower,” Tech began, a ramble of information on the tip of his tongue. Still, he held himself back so Omega could take in the beauty of the flower. 

Omega, no doubt in shock, dragged Tech over to the plant with her mouth hanging open. The plant was more like a bush, and much larger than Tech’s intel indicated. It was slightly taller than Omega and filled a space roughly the size of their ship. Hundreds of silver-blue blooms adorned every inch of the bush with lush green foliage cushioning the blossoms.  

“Can … can you tell me more about it?” Omega asked, carefully reaching out to stroke the silky petals of a small bloom. 

“I’d be happy to, Omega. The Persepta moonflower is often grown on farms, where the blooms are harvested and turned into an expensive paint. I’ve never seen the paint myself, but supposedly it’s every artist’s dream to get their hands on some Persepta moonflower paint,” Tech detailed. 

Tech instructed her to pick a petal and press it between her fingers to extract some of its dye. She did so, gasping when her fingertips turned the silver-blue of the petals. 

“You try, Tech!” Omega urged him, picking a petal for him and placing it in his hand. 

He tucked away his datapad and removed his glove before doing as she instructed. A single petal only produced a small amount of dye, but he had never seen anything like it. It left a stain that shimmered just as much as the petal did and in that moment, Tech was sure that he and Omega were both experiencing the same sense of awe. 

Refocusing himself, Tech continued his ramble where he left off for a few more minutes with Omega eagerly soaking up every detail while she stroked the satin-like petals. Tech eventually ran out of information to share, allowing a soft silence to fall over the pair as they admired the flowers. 

Staring at Omega and the moonflowers, Tech felt a sudden surge of sadness wash over him. Despite how beautiful this little flower was, all evidence of its beauty would be gone with the sunrise. It was a fleeting beauty, meant to be treasured for as long as possible before it became nothing more than a memory. 

It made Tech think about how fleeting Omega’s childhood was turning out to be. A life on the run was not one meant for a child, and he was quickly beginning to worry how it would affect Omega. In his heart, Tech feared that Omega’s thirst for knowledge and wonder for the galaxy around her would die all too soon, just like the Persepta moonflower. 

The fleeting innocence of childhood was exactly like that of the Persepta moonflower’s blooms, and the thought made Tech’s heart ache. 

A soft rustle pulled Tech from his thoughts and back to Omega, who was kneeling on the ground and picking up the fallen petals of dead moonflowers. The petals had lost all trace of their original color and were instead a dull brown. If Omega enjoyed the flower so much, he wanted to find a way to prolong that joy. 

“Omega, would you like me to cut you a flower to bring back with us?” Tech asked, fingers already grasping a small knife to cut a stem for her. 

Without hesitation, Omega answered, “No, I want other people to be able to see the flowers, too. I won’t forget about them.”

Tech was surprised by her words since he was so confident that she would want to take a flower with her. Tech thought for a moment before saying, “That’s very kind of you, Omega. How about I take some holos of it for you instead?”

Omega squealed, “Yes!” almost instantly, which drew a small smile on Tech’s face as he pulled out his datapad. He took multiple holos from different angles, pleased with the way the moonlight reflected off of the petals to create almost an ethereal look to the flower. 

After several shots that Tech was proud of, he moved to put away his datapad when Omega chimed in and asked, “Wait! Can you take a few holos with me too?”

Tech nodded and replied, “Of course, Omega. Go stand next to it.”

Omega eagerly bounced over to the bush, turning her head to smell a particularly large bloom. The moonlight reflected on both Omega’s blonde hair and the flower petals, making them both appear to be glowing. Tech took multiple holos while Omega switched her position every so often. Most of them were simple smiles, but there were a couple where she stuck her tongue out or Tech caught her mid-laugh. 

His favorite holo of her was one with her head tilted back as she stared towards a flower at the top of the bush, moonlight shining in her eyes and remnants of a laugh on her lips. Tech had never seen her so happy before and he knew he would treasure this holo of her forever. 

Just before he shut off his datapad, he looked at the time and saw that nearly two hours had gone by since they had left the ship. 

Worried that Hunter would be waking up soon, Tech said, “Omega, it’s time to head back now.”

“Can we just stay here for the night, please?” Omega pleaded, begging with her eyes. 

Not willing to give in, Tech shook his head and replied, “We have to get back to the ship so you can rest. You won’t get an adequate amount of sleep here.” 

Omega pouted, turning her attention away from Tech and back to the moonflower. Her actions made Tech worried that she was upset with him, but he had only said what was best for her. They had no blankets and no matter how tired she was, she would not get a good night’s sleep on the rough ground. 

Omega sighed deeply before turning back to Tech and saying, “Okay, we can go home now. I just wanted to say goodbye to the flowers.” 

Home. Is that really what she saw with Tech, with his brothers? Tech had never given having a home much thought but now that Omega said it, he supposed his brothers and his little sister were his home. 

“Yes, let’s go home,” Tech responded with a soft, fond tone to his voice. When Omega grabbed him by the hand, he gave hers a small squeeze in return. 

They hadn’t gone far when Omega began to slow down and started dragging her feet, which Tech had learned was a sign that she was starting to get tired. 

Without a word, Tech picked Omega up and let her wrap herself around his torso and rest her head against his shoulder. She mumbled a quiet thanks into his neck and snuggled deeper into his hold. 

Omega was asleep in Tech’s arms in under a minute, her soft snores he had grown to love muffled into his neck. Tech couldn’t help but smile as her snores tickled his neck. He kept her pressed against his side as he silently continued their trek home, moonlight shining in Omega’s hair. 

Tech returned much faster than he would have liked as he was unwilling to surrender Omega to her bed so he could continue holding her. Tech was relieved to find that Hunter and Wrecker were still asleep, but he couldn’t ignore the smug glance from Echo. Tech rolled his eyes at his brother as he brushed past him to carry Omega to her room. 

It took some effort to remove Omega from Tech’s torso without waking her up, but Tech was eventually successful with putting her to bed. He tucked Lula into her arms, spread her blanket across her sleeping body, and silently descended the ladder. 

Echo still had that smug look on his face, but said nothing besides, “You should get some sleep too, Tech. I’ll wake Wrecker for his watch in a bit.”

Tech nodded, an unspoken connection floating between the two brothers. 

As Tech lay himself in his bunk, his earlier worries of Omega’s ruined childhood came flooding back. What if all of this danger and violence eventually caught up to her young soul and turned into a shell of her former self? What if she became completely detached from all of them, even Hunter? What if she got bored of them and asked to go back to Kamino? 

Tech’s thoughts were going a mile a minute, but came to a screeching halt when he brought his hand to his face and saw the moonflower dye still staining his fingers. 

Perhaps he was wrong. 

Of course there would come a day when Omega was older and had grown out of her current behaviors, but maybe that time would be far in the future. Maybe they had years before Omega’s curious spirit was snuffed out or maybe, it would always occupy a small corner of her heart. 

If Tech continued to take little trips like this, he was certain that it would continue to bring joy to Omega. 

He swore, in that moment, that he would never let her fate be like that of the Persepta moonflower.

-

Omega woke up the next day well into the afternoon, her midnight adventure with Tech having completely drained her of all her energy. The soft smiles on everyone’s faces at the sight of her bedhead signaled to the young girl that no one seemed to mind that she slept in so much. 

Omega smiled as she made her way over to Tech, the memories of their secret exploration still fresh in her mind. He returns the smile as if he is thinking of the same memories. 

“Tech, is it okay if I play with your datapad for a little?” Omega asks, even though she already knows the answer will be yes. 

Tech nods in response, gesturing for her to sit next to him. She thanks him quickly as she picks up the datapad lying by his side. Tech returns his focus to the small project in his hands while Omega flicks the datapad on. Just as she’s about to enter Tech’s password as she’s done a thousand times, something on the screen stops her in her tracks. 

Displayed as the datapad’s background is one of the holos Tech took of Omega last night. The moon hangs brightly in the sky while Omega stares at the moonflower bush. She’s never seen herself in a holo before, but she quickly decides that this is her favorite holo. 

Omega looks up to Tech, who is already looking down at her with a fond look in his eyes. She says nothing, more than content to keep this happy secret between the two of them. 

[heliads]

Rivalry

You and Peter Parker have hated each other since the second you laid eyes on him. Until one day, you don’t.

masterlist

You run your hands through your hair, exhausted. Lab work always seems to drain you, but your newest project is finally done. You step back, admiring the tidy lab with your neatly labeled test tubes and microscopes all back where they should be. You’re pretty sure you’re the only girl in New York to have her own lab since she was sixteen, but that’s just one of the perks of having none other than Tony Stark as your father.

You take one final look at your lab to make sure everything is in order, then turn on your heel and walk briskly out the door. Peter Parker is coming over in a few minutes, and you want to make sure you’re out of the labs and out of sight by the time he gets here.

Peter Parker. What a guy. You two have had the most intense rivalry since the second you laid eyes on each other. Something about him just makes your blood boil and your fists clench whenever he’s around you. He knows this too, and goes out of his way to make your life miserable. Whether it’s intentionally using lab supplies that he knows you needed, or lording it over you that your dad had made him a special Iron Spider suit and not you, you’ve learned quickly that it’s best to not even be in the same room as him. You’re not sure why you two feel the need to be so antagonistic, but you’re pretty sure it boils down to the fact that both of you want Tony Stark to think of them as his favorite, and so you compete endlessly for his approval.

Unfortunately, it appears you spent too long in your lab, as you see the brown-haired boy making his way down the halls of laboratories towards you. He grins viciously when he catches sight of you. 

“If it isn’t Y/N Stark? How wonderful. I thought you were busy wasting people’s time in another part of the tower.” You glare at him, firing back an insult in turn. “Sorry, I thought wasting time was your job. Isn’t it true that you made Dr. Banner spend two hours with you on some chemistry homework?” Peter’s jaw tightens. “At least he wants to be with me, Y/N. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I want to get some work done.” With that, he pushes past you, leaving you to storm angrily off to your room.

That was just another meeting between you and Peter. Every time you came in contact, you had to one-up each other with the wittiest retorts or the most stinging insults. Everyone else in the tower knew about it too, with Nat and Sam trying to hold back their laughter after you two were forced to be in the same room together, or Dr. Banner doing his best to schedule work with you two several hours apart so you wouldn’t blow up at each other. Well, everyone knew except your dad. Somehow, he hadn’t managed to pick up on the obvious tensions, and he kept obliviously commenting on how smart the two of you were, and how he was sure you two were getting along well.

A few weeks later, you’re testing your own personal suit of armor on one of the tower’s launch pads. Tony had given you the basic suit, and you had customized it with different gadgets and gizmos to your heart’s content. Now, you calmly did trials of the different repulsors and systems, to make sure everything would work before you took it on a test run. Behind you, the door opens from the tower and you remove your helmet, expecting to see your father when you turn around. Unfortunately, it’s Peter. 

“This area is in use. Go find another dark corner to inhabit.” You wave your hand at Peter, dismissing him, but the boy just walks closer to you until he’s just a few inches away, looking down on you with the overconfidence that only a height difference of a few inches can bring. “Actually, I think this one will be just fine.” Without looking, he fires a web from his wrist and jumps off of the building next to you, soaring away to another open space on the tower. 

“Show-off.” You mutter, telling yourself you’re glad he’s gone. But then why can you still feel his hot breath on your face, and why are your cheeks heating up like this? You clear your throat uneasily, trying to rid your mind of these troublesome thoughts. He’s never bothered you like this, so what’s changed?

You’re lying in your bed that night, still pondering what had happened. Later, you had passed him in the hallways, and despite his usual remarks, you had only been able to summon up a few lackluster retorts before hurriedly walking past him. What was up with you? 

You lay there for a while longer, thinking over the events of that day, when you come to a slow realization. Groaning, you cover your face with your pillow as if hoping to hide the regrettable truth.

You’re in love with Peter Parker.

Over the next few days, you do your best to not think about the boy. You go out of your way to avoid him, hoping that not seeing him for a while will cause your little crush to subside. Yet, when he finally crosses your path once more, your heart still gives a funny little jump when you see him. Great.

To distract yourself, you head to your lab once more. You’ve almost finished the final test on a prototype gauntlet, one that will be able to summon the full suit from just a ring on your finger. Luckily, it works, and you quickly stifle a shriek of delight before running out of the lab to go find your father and show him your newest invention. 

Soon enough, you find him in another one of the labs. You slow down, realizing he’s talking to Peter and hasn’t seen you enter the room. You just catch his last sentence, and when you hear it, your heart drops like a stone.

“You know, kid, I’m really proud of you. Sometimes I wish Y/N could do the things you could do. Well, I have always liked you better than her, anyways. Wish you were my son instead.”

His words cut you like a knife. You freeze in your tracks, feeling your delight from your invention disappear in a flash. From across the room, Peter looks up at you. For some reason, he doesn’t look as happy as he should be. He finally got what he wanted, and now you are left with nothing but desolation. Silently, you make your way out of the lab and onto the roof so you can be alone with the tears that are starting to slowly slide down your cheeks.

However, it seems like the universe has decided to not even give you a little time alone. In a matter of minutes, you can hear the pad of Peter’s footsteps on the roof behind you. Sighing, you turn to him, wiping the tears from your face so he can’t have that satisfaction. “What, Peter? You already got what you wanted. My dad said he wishes you were his child instead and I was there to see it. Can’t you just leave me alone?” 

Peter shakes his head, and you note that he looks surprisingly upset. “This- this isn’t what I wanted. I didn’t mean for him to say that.” You scoff. “Are you kidding me? Of course it’s what you wanted! The entire time I’ve known you, we’ve been at each other’s throats because we wanted Tony to like us the best. Congratulations, you won. Just-” Your voice breaks off. “Just leave me alone.”

You turn away from him again, but Peter’s hand is on your shoulder and delicately turning you around to face him. “I know that’s how it was at the beginning, but if I’m going to be honest, I kind of liked the rivalry just because.” He looks away from you, clearing his throat as if a little embarrassed. “I don’t want you to hate me for the rest of your life because of your dad. Can we at least still be friends?” You let out a derisive laugh. “Still friends? We despise each other!” Peter grins. “Yeah, because it was fun. Come on, Y/N, look me in the eyes and tell me you didn’t look forward to seeing me because it was fun to insult each other.” When you look at him, you can’t say anything, but while you’re silent because you feel like you’re drowning in the liquid gold of his eyes, Peter attributes it to you agreeing with him and his grin broadens. “Exactly! I’m right, and we should move on.” 

You roll your eyes, doing your best to will away the heat simmering in your cheeks. “Alright, we’re friends. But what am I supposed to do when I see my dad again? Just talk to him like I don’t know he wishes I wasn’t his daughter?” Peter grimaces at that, but his expression brightens after a few seconds. “Actually, I’ve got an idea. What if we switch the rivalry onto him? We’ll be close friends, as always,” (he ignores your snort of laughter) “And we’ll also ignore him. We’ll just disappear and make him deal with the fact that if he’s going to be a bad parent and say that stuff about preferring one son or daughter, he doesn’t get either one.” You look at Peter suspiciously. “That’s actually not a bad idea, but why are you doing this? You have no reason to help me at all, why throw away everything with Tony now?” Peter twists his hands uncomfortably. “I just feel bad about what he said. It’s my fault, and I don’t like knowing that I came in between the two of you like that.” You look him in the eyes for a heartbeat longer, then nod. “So let’s do it.”

Thus, you and Peter become closer than you ever have. The other visitors to the tower are stunned at your sudden friendship, with Nat eyeing you suspiciously when you happily greet Peter in the morning to Dr. Banner trying to surreptitiously take your temperature to make sure you’re not feverish. It’s surprisingly easy to be close to Peter, and you realize what he said was true- the rivalry was never about Tony, more about how fun it was to have a joking enemy. 

Another thing that’s fun is watching Tony struggle to realize what’s going on. You and Peter disappear whenever he’s around, Peter not showing up to his scheduled lab times and you suddenly not visiting him. He’s tried to call you multiple times to ask where you were, and he’s even had FRIDAY ask you what’s up, but to no avail. You feel a gleeful satisfaction in messing with him, and it just feels like a worthy justice. You can’t describe how painful it felt to hear that your dad wished you weren’t his daughter, and so you feel justified in ignoring him.

Eventually, though, Tony puts his foot down. You’re working with Peter in one of the labs (the boy is surprisingly good with robotic systems) when Tony bursts through the doors. The two of you barely have time to look up when Tony stares at Peter with a menace you’ve never seen directed at the brown-haired boy and points to the door with one finger. “Out, Spider-Boy. I need to have a talk with my daughter.” Peter looks over at you for the briefest of moments, but you can only worriedly return his gaze before he turns to go. Once Peter is out of the room, your dad looks back at you.

“What are you doing? First, you’re suddenly best friends with Parker, then you’re ignoring me. What is up with you?” You raise your eyebrows at him and continue working. “I didn’t realize you knew that Peter and I didn’t like each other.” Tony scoffs. “Of course I knew, I’m your father. Now tell me, why are the two of you trying to avoid me? I haven’t done anything to you.”

At that, you can’t help but retaliate. “Really? You haven’t done anything? How about telling Peter that you don’t like me and you wish he were your son instead of having me as a daughter?” At Tony’s shocked expression, you continue. “Yeah, I knew about that. I was there, but I suppose you wouldn’t have noticed me while you were busy fawning over him. How do you think it felt to know that your own father didn’t want you?”

Tony’s signature smirk is slipping at the sides. “Don’t give me that attitude, Y/N, because I can guarantee you I know how it feels. Yes, I shouldn’t have said that, but why didn’t you just talk to me about it? We could have moved past this by now!” You slam your hand onto a table. “What, so I’m supposed to be the reasonable one here? This was your problem, and I shouldn't have to be the one to fix it.” You let your head fall down into your hands. “How many times has that happened? How many times have you bad-talked me to Peter, or your co-workers, or anyone? I’ve only caught you once, but you seemed so comfortable in saying it that this could happen all the time. I just wanted you to love me, but I guess you would prefer Peter.” You can feel the tears threatening to come, so you leave the room quickly so Tony can’t see you cry.

Peter is waiting for you just outside the lab, pacing in agitation. When he sees you, he looks up and moves to you. “How did it go?” All you can do is give him a wretched look. “Ah, that bad.” From down the hall, you can hear Tony opening the door of the lab. “Y/N? Where did you go?” Peter puts an arm around your shoulder, gently escorting you out of Tony’s field of vision. “Let’s go.’

He takes you back to your room, and you flop down on your bed while he closes the door. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. Honest. I didn’t think it would go that far.” He sits down next to you, and you lean your head up against his shoulder. “It’s alright.” You look up at him, realizing something. “I didn’t think you knew where my room was.” Peter lets out a quiet laugh, wrapping his arms around you. “When I first got to the tower, Tony made sure I knew where it was, just in case something bad happened. He said he wanted to make sure I could come get you if there was an emergency.” You sigh dejectedly. “I knew he wanted to be a good father. He always did. It just hurt to hear him say he didn’t want me.” 

Peter’s hand is soothing against yours. “Trust me, he’s blind to not want you. If I could see you everyday and keep you close, I would never pick anyone else.” His chest stiffens as he realizes what he said, and a light pink blush settles over his cheeks as he tries to explain himself. “Uh, because you’re my friend, and you’re nice and all.” You look up at him once more, reveling in the warmth of his body next to yours, and you can’t help the smile spreading across your face. “Really?” Peter lightly swats your arm. “Oh, shut up, you know what I mean.” You laugh at that. “Make me.” You expect Peter to deliver some witty retort like always, but instead, he closes the distance between the two of you and kisses you softly. 

You’re left speechless, looking up at him in surprise. Of all the ways your rivalry would end, you never thought it would be like this. “See, this is nice. Peace and quiet.” You roll your eyes, but let a contented smile linger on your face when he leans over and kisses you again.

When your father finally dares to come into your room later that night, he just finds Peter gently holding you, both asleep in each other’s arms. Tony goes to leave, but despite his quiet movements Peter still stirs and wakes up. “Mr.- Mr. Stark?” Peter whispers, making sure not to disturb you. “Yeah, kid. It’s fine. Tell her I’m sorry when she wakes up.” With that, he retires soundlessly from the room, leaving Peter to admire your calm features. He loves you, and he’s pretty sure he always has since the second he laid eyes on you. Softly, he closes his eyes once more, falling back into a dreamless slumber with you resting by his side.

[wulfies-kpop-fanfics]

One Photo → Mark Lee [9] [END]

↳  Pairing: Mark Lee/Reader

↳  AU: Soulmate!AU - The first touch of two soulmates permanently scars their bodies.

↳  Warning: angst if you squint

↳  Word count: 2,857

↳  Chapters: Prelude | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | You Are Here!

⁙ Summary: For an end of the year photography project, you’re tasked with taking a photograph for your favourite group, NCT127, and coincidentally, discover your soulmate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TUESDAY - 9

Day by day, things got steadily worse. Your body was constantly giving out, you had trouble breathing, and whenever you ate something, you always managed to throw it back up. The weight loss and iron deficiency you had developed after the last periods you’ve had led to four clinic visits and one hospital scare. You tried to play it off to your boss, but enough was enough and you knew you were going to be let go.

It took a lot of thinking, but you had finally decided to do what you had to. So, there you stood, taping the last box closed. You had sold your final possession besides your bed and your oldest camera, handing the sealed box to the buyer who had been standing in your kitchen. “Thank you,” he said, smiling gently at you. “This is gonna make my daughter really happy. I…” he cleared his throat awkwardly; “I hope that you get better soon.” 

You nodded, holding your breath for a moment to avoid coughing in his direction. “Of course. I hope she uses that camera well, it helped me a lot when I started college.” 

After he left, you looked over the bare-boned atmosphere of your apartment. Your coffee table was gone, your bookshelf, your easel. Your little television, table and chair, and nearly all of your glassware and cutlery had been sold as well. Walking into your room, the only things that were left were your tote of movies with all of Mark’s cards and letters tucked inside, and a backpack with a second outfit, toiletries and your camera stuffed in it. Even your bed was stripped just to the bottom sheet, the summer hot enough and your fever high enough that you didn’t need blankets anyway. Today was finally the day you had finally procured enough money for a plane ticket, a one-way trip that hopefully would relieve the pain in your heart and the crushing pressure in your head. 

While you lay in your bed, waiting for the night to pass, your phone, one of the last things you had to keep with you, buzzed. Rhiannon: How are you doing

You: I can never tell anymore

Rhiannon: Johnny, Hyuckie and I are going to meet you at the airport tomorrow. Mark’s getting pretty bad

Worry filled your chest, and you frowned at your screen.

You: Is he going to be okay? Rhiannon: we don’t know. He’s completely bedridden, I just hope that you don’t end up that way before your flight. I’m worried that they might not even let you on. 

You: I have to try

Rhiannon: I know…  

Rhiannon: I’ll see you soon, okay? I miss you

You: I miss you too. 

At this point, getting onto your flight was the least of your worries. After putting down your phone, you mad managed to get about ten minutes of rest before you had to run to your bathroom to throw up the measly dinner you had put together with the small food budget you had set for yourself. Once you were sure your stomach had settled, you went back into your backpack and pulled out your toothbrush, returning to the bathroom to clean out your mouth.

Looking into the mirror above your sink, you noticed how bad you had really gotten. Your cheeks were hollow, your skin pale and underneath your sunken eyes were the works dark circles you’ve ever had. You brushed as slowly as you could, hoping that you wouldn’t start to feel nauseous again. After spitting and rinsing out the sink, you decided that maybe it would be better to just get up and go to the airport now. 

You left your house key for the landlord on your kitchen counter with a note about where the spare was, stepping outside and locking the house with the spare, hiding it under your doormat before heading toward the elevator and beginning your journey. 

Occasionally you’d lose your footing, your balance off and your legs weak. You would grab onto the wall to steady yourself, hoping that you wouldn’t pass out. About an hour of subway and streetcar riding, you finally made it to the airport. It was chilling to see so many eyes on you. You knew that coming in this condition would get you multiple looks and passing disgusted faces, but you felt like you were passed feeling embarrassed. The teller looked at you sympathetically when you asked for the Delta non-stop flight to Incheon.

“Soulmate?” She asked, tilting her head curiously when you slid her your ID and your debit card, all of the money you had from selling your things on it. Just enough to pay for your ticket. 

“Yeah. Almost two years since I’ve seen him.” “My God,” she gasped, typing away on her keyboard. “It’s good you’re going now, I could never survive being away from my soulmate for that long. I was away from mine for a month when he was on a business trip and I was hospitalized!” 

“I’m sorry to hear that,” you rasp, watching her smile sadly in your direction. “I hope things go well for you. Have a safe flight to South Korea.” She slid your ticket, debit card, ID and itinerary over her desk, watching you slowly reach out to grab it. “Get lots of rest when you land.” “Thank you, I’ll try.” Feeling a little more pleasant after being wished well, you continued on your way. Through customs, the security check and the passport check, you did your best to keep back any coughing and the creeping feeling of nausea that was beginning to overwhelm you. Finally, you arrived in the boarding area, taking a seat with your bag on the floor, in between your knees. It was still a while before your plane would even arrive, so you plugged in your phone and decided to watch a movie. 

Night crept over the lounge, the windows displaying a slowly setting sun. After your movie ended you kept yourself occupied by watching the planes come and go until the tarmac was lit up with guiding lights that looked like stars. 

‘Flight from Toronto to Incheon nonstop now boarding.’

Finally.

You stumbled along and waited in your line, looking at your seat number. It was near the back of the plane, which would be loud, but at least it was close to the bathroom. The boarding attendant gave you a look with squinted eyes, but he still scanned your ticket, looked at your passport and let you go through.

Down the hallway, your legs gave out and your body clattered to the floor. “Hey, are you alright!?” Someone behind you came running up, gently taking your arm and helping you off the floor. “Jeez, you just toppled over!” She observed you, holding you steady. “You’re nothing but skin and bones…” “Sorry,” you apologize, hoping that you’d stay upright when she let your arm go. “I haven’t been doing the best lately.” “That’s okay,” she assured you. “Don’t you worry one bit.” Cautiously, she began walking with you, holding out her hands as if she was expecting you to fall again. “Why are you here and not at home, resting?” 

“I, well... this is soulmate sickness,” you explain cautiously. “My soulmate is doing worse than I am, and I decided to sell everything I own to buy a one-way ticket. I’m going to see him.” 

“Man,” she breathed, “I can’t imagine what that’s like.”

You let out a small, hollow laugh. “I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.” “What seat are you?” “39-A.” 

“Oh,” she smiled at you, just as the plane entrance was coming into view. “I’m 39-B! I’ll help you put your backpack up, okay?”

“Thank you,” 

She smiled at you. “My pleasure.”

The hostess greeted you both when your new friend helped you board, watching with stunned eyes as you passed her. You both made your way to the back of the plane. You slipped off your backpack and she put both hers and your carry on into the compartment above you. “Do you want the window seat, or will that make you nauseous?” She asked, tilting her head to the side with an empathetic smile. “Would you be okay with switching? I’m supposed to have the window, but..” 

“Yeah, I’m totally fine with it! Here, sit down with me.” Once you both were seated, she held your hand. “So, what’s your name?” 

“It’s (Y/N),” you answer slowly, giving her a smile when you feel her hand take yours. It had been so long since someone had given you any physical affection. “I’m Nia,” she grinned. “It’s nice to meet you!” 

“Nice to meet you, too.”

After the plane took off, Nia did everything she could for you. She made sure you had a blanket, water, and she even had wipes in her purse that she kept on your forehead to make sure your fever stayed down. Nia talked with you about her boyfriend, showing you part of her scar that was on the back of her neck. She told the story about the last time she was in Korea, lost and out of her depth. Wonseo, her soulmate, had bumped into her, not paying enough attention to avoid her when she stopped to try and read a street sign. She, in turn, had a scar on her back and on her scalp, while his, funnily enough, was on the top part of his chest and his nose.

When you told her about meeting Mark and your own scar, her happy grin only seemed to grow wider. “I’m a fan,” she admitted, “and I’m guessing you haven’t been keeping up with media because before he stopped his activities, he started wearing that Star Wars sweater everywhere. Everyone knew it was from you since the first time he ever had it with him was in Pearson two years ago. I knew I recognized you, but dang, girl. You look terrible compared to then.” 

You smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, I tend to stay away from it all now, it just stresses me out.” She nodded understandingly. “Have you thought about the Gold Ceremony? Wonseo and I are actually in the process of planning ours, and I’m on my way home from meeting a bridesmaid that still lives in Canada.” 

“I haven’t really thought about that yet,” you answer honestly. “It’s all so nerve-wracking, don’t you think?” 

Nia shrugged. “I suppose your situation is a little different from everyone else’s, so I understand the aversion. I love the romance of it all, you know? Gold coating your scars so that everyone can see it as a sign of your commitment? Ah, it’s so exciting!”

“Maybe one day I’ll have the courage to ask him,” you say quietly, smiling at Nia. 

“Only if you’re comfortable, girl. Having your entire chest exposed to everyone around you may be a little weird even if you are getting married, y’know?” 

You chuckle. “Yeah, that’s true.” 

You kept little conversations going, occasionally stopping to take small naps. The two of you also exchanged numbers, and you felt happy that you had made a new friend. Eventually, daylight began to peek through the windows of the plane, signalling the time change and that you would soon arrive in Korea. 

Truthfully, no matter what Nia did for you, you only felt worse. You smiled and held back your nausea, but you could feel that as every moment passed, you declined further and further into your sickness. When the flight landed, you were happy that the sense of vertigo was gone, but you weren’t sure how long you would last without passing out. “Want me to help you through customs?” Nia asked once the seatbelt sign was turned off. She helped you stand, taking down your backpack for you and securing it on your shoulders. “I don’t want to be a burden on you,” you said quickly, grasping the seats as you made your way up to exit the plane.

“You’re far from that,” Nia reassured. “I won’t be able to stay with you the whole time, I just want to make sure that you make it to the people waiting for you okay. You said three of your friends were coming to meet you?” “Yeah,” you nod, thanking the hostess quietly as you pass her. “Thank you, Nia.” “Anything for a friend.” Slowly but surely, Nia helped you through the check-in and declaration stations, leading you through each step. Once you both got your passports checked, she turned and smiled at you. “I have to go get my suitcase now. Be safe and keep in touch, okay?” Nia hugged you ever so gently, before waving and taking her lead in the opposite direction you were to go, making her way to grab her suitcase off the conveyer. 

“See you,” you called behind her, steeling your nerve. You could make it. While you could barely read the directions with your now blurring vision, you managed to make it to the meeting area. Just barely in your line of sight were Rhiannon, Donghyuck and Johnny, holding up a rainbow sign with your name on it. You felt your chest flare-up, and if it was due to your sickness or your happiness you couldn’t tell, but you still began making your way toward them, smiling and waving.

That was until your body finally gave in. ~ “(Y/N)!” Rhiannon immediately dropped the sign and made a beeline for you as you toppled to the ground, Johnny and Donghyuck not far behind. She grit her teeth, doing her best to turn you over and hold you.

Donghyuck reached into his pocket to pull out his phone, ready to call an emergency number if Rhiannon couldn’t determine that you were breathing. He sighed with relief, luckily the airport was mostly empty and nobody would crowd you. “Is she okay?” Johnny knelt down beside her, looking on with worry. Rhiannon quickly checked your pulse and held her hand above your mouth. “Seems like she just passed out, she’s still breathing.” She breathed a sigh of relief, placing a hand over her chest. 

Johnny breathed a sigh of relief. “We should get her home, then. I’ll carry her, you grab her backpack.” 

Rhiannon nodded and slowly took your backpack off while Johnny picked you up. “Let’s go.” 

~

Everyone was waiting in the living room for Johnny and Rhiannon to return with you, after hearing them explain what happened when Taeyong called to check-in. They knew they couldn’t tell Mark about what happened since his condition was not much better. He was in his room, nearly unaware of everyone sitting and waiting with bated breath. Yuta and Jungwoo stood up quickly when the door handle turned and opened, revealing Rhiannon and Donghuck. Johnny followed in close behind, you in his arms, barely conscious.

“Hi, everyone,” you rasped, smiling as best you could, with lidded eyes. 

“(Y/N),” Doyoung stood. “We’ve all missed you.” 

“Yeah,” Jungwoo agreed. “We’re glad you’re home.” 

“Thank you,” your words were soft, laboured. “Where’s Mark?” You looked up at Johnny tiredly. Johnny smiled gently, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “I’ll take you to him. Let’s go.” 

You did your best to stay awake, suddenly beginning to feel a little better. Soon you both came across a door, the door slightly ajar. Johnny pushed it open gently with his foot.

“Guess who’s here?” He called into the room, and as soon as you lay eyes on Mark, you felt both simultaneously happy and guilty. Mark was skin and bones like you were, hollow cheeks and dark circles under his eyes. He was shivering as he struggled to sit up, large and thick blankets slowly shifting as he moved. “(Y/N),” he said, his lips forming the most endearing smile. “(Y/N), you’re here,” 

“Yeah, I’m here.” Johnny carried you to Mark’s bed, gently placing you down next to him in the spot where he had just barely pulled back the blankets. You had your head laying on Mark’s chest as soon as Johnny put you down, Mark’s arm immediately wrapping around you. You both breathed in a deep sigh of relief, and you felt your nose beginning to clear up. “You could probably use some water. I’ll be back.” Johnny quietly left the room, and as soon as the door shut, you couldn’t think of anything to say. 

You felt life coming back to you, but the long flight and the months of hardship still weighed heavy on you. You knew that this was your condition because you were struggling, and you had just sacrificed everything to be here. Now, on top of being sick, you were dirt poor. But, at least you were with your soulmate, and at least you were with all of your friends. At least you finally felt like you weren’t dying. “You can sleep,” you hear Mark whisper as he moved his other arm to touch your face. “I can tell you’re tired.” 

You smiled weakly. “Okay, as long as you sleep too.” Mark laughed softly. “Agreed.”

Not long after, the door creaked open once again. Johnny had come back with a glass of water, followed by Rhiannon. Johnny placed the glass of water on the nightstand next to your bed, while Rhiannon watched you and Mark sleep for a moment, holding the small framed photo in her hands, the one that started it all. She placed it next to the glass of water, adjusting it so you would see it when you woke up.

“Sleep well.”

[fencer-x]

Fencer’s Big Eva Review

Just got done watching the Eva finale, so it’s time to get out thoughts while they’re fresh! Caveat: Eva is difficult to understand for native speakers, and I’m definitely not a native speaker XD I feel like I got maybe half, and got the rough gist of like 10% of the rest, and the remaining was just no friggin’ clue. Would’ve gone better if there’d at least been JP subs, but you’ll have to deal with what I’ve got for now!

It should be obvious, but there’ll be HELLA MAJOR SPOILERS for the final Evangelion movie. Ready? Let’s go.

The movie very helpfully starts off with a ~2 min recap of the movies thus far. This was great because I didn’t have time to rewatch the previous three before going, and while I’ve seen them a few times, it took me a second the recall what had happened at the very end of Q, so I was glad to get a very brief recap.

The actual movie itself opens on...Paris! Or Paris post-Near-Third-Impact (Third Impact?), which is a red and black wasteland. It seems that Wille has been developing these things that look like Entry Plugs that they shove into the ground and restore everything to pre-all-impacts (so like, blue water and everything); couldn’t get HOW it managed that, but they had them and were attempting to restore Paris.

Would have been a walk in the park except for weird Eva-Angel-Machine hybrids that were trying to prevent them from activating the plugs. Lots of fighting happens, with Mari piloting her Eva to give them cover while the Wille staff set everything up. Eventually they manage it, and Euro Nerv is restored.

Then we switch over to right where Q left off: Asuka, Clone!Rei, and a catatonic Shinji wandering around trying to go who knows where. They eventually get picked up by...Touji! Yes, an older Touji now who lives in a commune of survivors, scraping out a semblance of a life in one of the areas protected by the aforementioned plugs (they had another name but I couldn’t get it).

In this community, Touji is the local doctor--and he’s married with a kid! He married Hikari, and they have an infant daughter named Tsubame. 

Now, let’s check in how our main three do when introduced to this relatively normal life they get to enjoy for a few weeks:

Asuka: Still in ‘fight mode’, ready to go at a moment’s notice. How she thinks she’s gonna fight when she has no Eva idk, but for this entire little bit, she’s either naked or in her plugsuit. She stays with Aida Kensuke, who’s kind of the handyman, and is generally just rude af.

Shinji: For 90% of this bit, he’s totally shut off. He’s incredibly fucked up from having JUST watched Kaworu die, essentially because of him, and Asuka has on a DSS choker, and every time he sees it, he collapses and begins vomiting violently. He stays with the Suzuharas at first but is quickly sent to stay with Asuka and Kensuke because they don’t really know how to deal with him. Kensuke manages to get him to open up a little bit, but eventually it’s Rei who gets him started on the path back to being himself. At one point he runs away and ‘lives’ alone for a while in what I think was either the building where he first met Kaworu playing the piano or one that looked a lot like it. He goes out to do odd jobs with Kensuke a lot, and on one occasion he’s taken to an ‘outdoor lab’ where some workers are experimenting with new gardening techniques. It’s here he’s meets...Kaji Ryouji. No, not that Kaji Ryouji. That Kaji DIED. This is the son he had with Misato (named after him).

Rei: Now, let me say I’ve never been super interested in Rei. I didn’t dislike her, like I did Asuka, but I wasn’t really interested in her either. She was just there. Guys.....I LOVED REI IN THIS MOVIE. I would have watched 2.5 hours of the Rei Learns To Be A Human show and been happy for the $20 I paid. Rei spends her time in the commune learning to be an individual. She stays with the Suzuharas and learns what different words mean, like “Good morning” and “Good night” and “Thank you” and “Goodbye”, she gets super close with a bunch of old ladies who essentially adopt her and teach her how to plant turnips and what a bath is, and she becomes her own person. When she first arrives, the Suzuharas think she’s “Ayanami Rei”, but she explains that she isn’t, so they call her “Sokkuri-san” instead (”Miss Spitting Image” essentially), and the old ladies find it amusing at first but then encourage her to choose her own name, and when she can’t think of one, they tell her to have someone choose one for her, so she asks the Uber-Depressed Shinji to choose one. These interactions are what eventually pull him back to himself, but ultimately he’s unable to come up with one, because “Ayanami is Ayanami”. She thanks him for trying anyway, returns his SD player to him..............................and then dissolves into a pile of LCL fluid, as apparently all clones eventually return to LCL. Fantastic, because Shinji didn’t need EVEN MORE TRAUMA.

Somehow, the above doesn’t break Shinji, and he resolves to go back to Wille and face his father I guess?? I’m not entirely clear on why (gotta go read some reports of my own I guess lol). Back on the ship with Misato et al., Shinji isn’t forced to wear a choker but he’s put in a cell with like explosives in it I guess. He starts having visions of Kaworu helping him accept things.

At this point it’s getting close to the climax, and Wille are going after Nerv/Gendo once and for all. During the final fight, Asuka tried to take out Unit 13′s core, and then she’s not managing it, she rips off her eyepatch, and we see that the patch was keeping the 9th angel bound within her eye, so she decides to throw away her humanity and let it take over to destroy Unit 13. Unfortunately, she’s killed in the end--how? She’s approached by a vision of her ‘original’. Yup, Asuka was a clone herself, like Rei, and she turns back into LCL and she and unit 02 are absorbed by Unit 13.

Eventually the fight comes down to Shinji vs. Gendo, who has thrown away his own humanity and bonded with Unit 13 in the hopes of completing the Human Instrumentality Project. He and Shinji go head to head as Shinji summons (???) Unit 01 from inside Unit 13, and there’s a really REALLY WEIRD final fight between the two that involves some weird animation choices. Lots of storyboards and overly CGI’d CGI, and some bits that seem to take them through the different incarnations of the Eva series.

We also get Gendo backstory by the boatload as he and Shinji have an actual goddamn conversation for once. Mari features prominently in Gendo’s flashbacks so she was definitely one of his classmates it seems, who introduced him to Fuyutsuki. I’m still not entirely clear on who she is/was.

However, through this conversation, Shinji gives the people he’s interacted with most closely/been closest with closure I guess? Gendo, Asuka...Kaworu.

So about Kaworu. Their conversation was VERY VERY WEIRD; it’s made clear that Shinji is also now aware of all the different iterations of their meeting. When they talk, it’s set at the beach where they first met in the TV series, and Shinji says he remembers all the times they’ve met before. Shinji mentions that Kaworu reminds him a lot of his father, and then there are some very strange flashbacks (????) of Kaworu’s that I feel like imply he’s to Gendo as Rei is to Yui. At one point, he’s seen talking to Fuyutsuki, trying to decide on a name for himself and settling on ‘Nagisa’ as it means ‘beach’, where the ocean meets the land. Fuyutsuki later addresses Kaworu, who’s sitting in Gendo’s desk, as “Commander Nagisa”. Kaworu reflects to Shinji that he failed so many times to make Shinji happy, but he’s realized now that that’s because he doesn’t know what would make Shinji happy and it was arrogant to think he knew better. He was looking for his own happiness all along.

In the end, after all these goodbyes, Shinji is left with the decision of what to do with, well, reality. He decides, in a conversation with Rei, that he’ll reset everything--create a ‘neon genesis’--to a world without Eva or Angels.

Our last shot is an older Shinji meeting his (presumed??) girlfriend Mari on a train platform. On the opposite platform waiting for their own train are Kaworu, Asuka, and Rei. Shinji and Mari hold hands and run, laughing, from the train station.

NEON GENESIS EVANGELION GOT A HAPPY ENDING. 2021 REALLY BE OUT HERE WILDING.

My final thoughts:

Okay I’ll say it: the fuck with Shinji/Mari endgame? Believe me, it was completely out of left field even in this movie. They just happened to be the only final survivors. Mari flirted a hell of a lot more with ASUKA and was distraught at her death than she did with Shinji. They were a kind of cute couple in the end, but very ????? 

I’m disappointed Shinji wasn’t the one to give Kaworu his happiness in the end, after Kaworu spent so long and so many lives and realities trying to make him happy and failing. I’m choosing to believe, since these multiple realities/resets are canon now, that he did it in one of them. They all deserve the happiness of their choosing, not just Shinji’s, and Kaworu showed us time and time again that his happiness definitively involves being with Shinji.

I’m sure I missed a lot, because yanno, Eva, and it was long enough as is, but gosh I wish I could’ve understood more of everything that was going on, cause there was SO MUCH WEIRD SHIT.

If I watch this movie again, I will 500% just be watching those “Rei learns to be human with the help of a bunch of old cackling biddies” bits :> Those were THE BEST PARTS OF THE MOVIE.

[thiswasinevitableid]

For the prompts: Sternay, Centaur, NSFW. Thank you!

Here you go!

Note: I use “races” here in the D&D sense.

Most nights, Barclay works undistracted until the end of dinner. Tonight, looks out the kitchen window so often Moira teases him that she’ll close it to save him from cutting off his own hand by mistake. 

He can’t help it. Every time a new party returns from an adventure or demands a table so they can sit and plan their next epic quest, he pokes his head into the dining room of Amnesty Lodge to see if a certain orc is among them. 

Technically, Joseph is half-orc, as his father was an elf, but his orcish traits dominate in all but his build and his ears. He’s so handsome, the first time he addressed Barclay by name he blushed for an hour afterwards. 

That was the second time they’d met, Joseph having returned from his job as the hired rogue of a party of treasure hunters. He’d been a spy during the last great skirmish, and now put his observation and information gathering skills to good use for a fair price. He, like other adventurers for hire, used Amnesty Lodge as his base, as it welcomed creatures of all kinds and had the best food in all of Kepler. 

When Joseph became a regular, it didn’t take long for him to post up in the place where it was easiest for him to talk to Barclay, and more than once he stayed to help the centaur put up chairs and wipe down tables. Four months ago, before he left to help some mages in search of rare artifacts, he knocked on Barclay’s door in the pre-dawn rain and kissed him goodbye, telling him to consider the kiss an offer he could refuse or accept on Josephs’ return. 

Barclay kissed him back immediately in reply.

Ever since that morning, Barclay’s orientation towards time changed. He no longer saw his life in weeks and months; instead it was divided into times when Joseph was in town and times when he was gone. It helps that Joseph prefers quests that are about knowledge and have a low chance of death, as he has little taste for violence (in fact, the only orc he knows with less taste for it is Duck, who seems annoyed at the fact the universe thinks it’s his destiny to fight).

When the last diner stumbles upstairs to their room, Moira pats his side, “I can get Jake to help me clean up. You go on home.”

A short walk brings him to his cottage on the edge of Amnestys’ grounds. He gathers his mail, starts a kettle for tea, and contemplates if he should take a bath now or wait for Joseph in the hopes he might join him. 

Knockknock

He hurries to the door, throws it open and finds a disheveled but pleased looking Joseph holding a bouquet of branches. 

“Hey” his brain offers no further thoughts, too busy drinking in the sight of the boyfriend he’s been missing these last ten days. 

“I’m sorry I’m late, we ran into some kind of conflict between two water golems and had to take a longer route. I, um, brought some apple blossoms as an apology.” 

“No need to apologize, blue eyes” Barclay takes the flowers, “I’m just glad you’re back in one piece. Uh, do you, uh, wanna come in? I’m making tea and, uh, I was gonna take a bath if you wanna join me.” In spite of the fact Joseph is already through the door and taking off his shoes, Barclay worries he’s moving too fast. 

“A bath sounds great, big guy” Joseph cups his face, takes his time kissing every inch of his lips before releasing him, “I’ll go get it started.” 

Barclay shuts the door and trots towards the kitchen. He munches two stems of blossoms and then sets the rest in some water on the table. 

He joins Joseph just as the orc closes off the sluice that directs the water from the hot springs outside into the massive, rocky tub. It’s designed with multiple wide, stone benches so Barclay can sit comfortably with his legs tucked beneath him. He sets the mugs of tea by the edge of the pool and wades in, settling on his preferred bench as Joseph floats over to him. A grey scar runs up one side of his green chest which, combined with the stylish piercings in his ears and the one stud in his nose, make him look a mixture of tough and debonair that never fails to make Barclay paw the ground with frustrated desire. 

The orc is so handsome, has kissed Barclay breathless and given him the honor of tasting his cock several times, but there are things Barclay wants from him that he will never ask for. And so, as the orc drapes his arms around his shoulders, he puts those lurid thoughts from his mind. 

“Do you want me to get your back?” Well-trimmed claws scritch the sensitive line where fur meets skin. 

“Fuck yeah.”

Joseph splashes to his side, retrieving one of the milky-white bottles lined along the rocky edge. The scent of oatmeal and chamomile fills twines into the steam as the orc guides a generous line of the shampoo down his spine. Barclay would never admit it in public, but he uses this blend in part because it brings a shine to his dark bay fur, the color of which he is immensely proud. 

“You have such a handsome coat” Joseph murmurs, fingers creating a path of suds as he rubs them in circles, “then again, the rest of you is handsome too, so it’s only remarkable in that it puts every other centaur I’ve seen to shame.”

Barclay squeezes the loofah he’s using on his shoulders, groans when Joseph digs his fingers into the spot on his back legs that is always sore after a day in the kitchen.

“Look at all that strength buried right here” Joseph pets up his leg and along his flank, “gods, Barclay, maybe I should count myself lucky that you work somewhere you aren’t seen so that I’m not constantly fighting off every centaur who passes through town and sees what a catch you are.”

“Babe please” he dumps water over his head, which does fuck-all to clear it, “please, when you talk like that it’s, I’m-”

The hands switch to soothing circles, “I’m sorry, if it’s making you uncomfortable I can stop.”

“No, no it’s more like, uh, fuck” he takes a deep breath, “talking to me like that while you touch me, while you’re right there all naked and perfect I, it turns me on and I don’t want to make you deal with that.”

Soft splashing as Joseph moves in front of him, “I think now is the time to tell you I’m, um, more than happy to deal with it. In fact, I was kind of hoping we could do that tonight. We can take our time, since neither of us has work tomorrow and I, um, well let’s just say I thought about you a lot while I was gone and wanted the chance to act on some of those thoughts.”

Barclay snorts, softly, “Trust me, babe, even if you think it’s a good idea now, you won’t when it happens. Lots of people love the idea of fucking a centaur right up until the moment and then they bail. And I mean, like, that’s cool, I don’t wanna fuck someone who’s freaked out and they can call it quits whenever but...yeah. I appreciate the thought, blue eyes.” He smiles, trying to show that he means it, because he does, he loves that Joseph thinks of him that way.

Joseph massages some of the shampoo into his hair, the two of them still face to face, “Do you remember that black trunk I left here last time?”

“Uhhuh” He closes his eyes, neck relaxing, “said it was stuff you needed to keep at my place.”

“It is, and now I know you didn’t peek at it. I did a bunch of research into the best way to prepare to get fucked by a centaur, and everything we need is in that box.”

“Aw babe, you did a research project for me.” Barclay hides his face in Joseph’s shoulder.

“It’s my love language.” Joseph kisses his cheek, “Barclay, if you don’t want to do this, we don’t have to. I just wanted you to know that this isn’t some idle fantasy for me, with you filling the role of hot centaur. This is something I want to do with you, my boyfriend who I adore and want to get fucked by.”

“Promise you’ll say something if I’m hurting you?” Barclay mumbles against soap-tinged skin.

A kiss on his head this time, “I promise.” 

------------------------------------------------------------------

Joseph is conscious of his reputation. He always has been, whether that was how his superiors saw him or how his potential clients see him now. This is why he’s well-aware of the joke that goes as follows:

Did you hear about the undiscovered creature?

No. What is it?

A race Joseph hasn’t fucked. 

That’s the translation from orcish, anyway. 

It’s not as if he has a checklist of beings he wants to bed. It’s that he’s never seen a creatures race as a deterrent. Not the very charming bugbear who bought him a drink his first time up in Vogel Pass. Not the shy dragonborn who asked him to dance at the Festival of the Two Moons. And certainly not the sweet, gentle centaur who owned his heart from the first time he smiled at him. 

Joseph considers himself practical, but Barclay forces him to confront the romantic streak running through his heart. He’d debated how best to show it, considering traditional gestures of orc courtship or a long, long letter, before an exasperated Duck pulled him aside and told him to just tell him, please Joe for fucks sake this is painful to watch. 

Over the last few months, he’s learned which flowers to bring his lover, what places to pet and scratch to melt that strong body beneath his hands. He’s also observed that Barclay is sexually pent up yet never asks for release, no matter how many times he swallows or strokes Josephs’ cock. So, while his research and subsequent offering of his ass are far from selfless, he hopes it will show his boyfriend that he will put in the work to bring him pleasure. 

He’s busy laying out the four glass cocks of increasing sizes next to the largest bottle of lube they had at fantasy Costco while Barclay arranges a set of cushions, bars, and ropes near the bed. When put together, the items form a rig that allow centaurs to fuck smaller partners. Barclay bought it the last time someone expressed a desire to fuck him; it’s never been used. 

Joseph sits on the bed, all his supplies in reach, and pats the large mattress to indicate Barclay can join him. 

“Should I help?” The centaur tucks his legs under him, tail twitching once. 

“Yes, by holding me while I warm up. You won’t be able to when you’re fucking me, so I need to get my fill.” He rests his back against Barclay’s bare chest, tips his head up so his boyfriend can kiss him, “if you’re good, maybe I’ll let you open me up some of the way.”

Barclay whines, nuzzling his hair as he preps the smallest toy. It slides in easily, Joseph working it back and forth with soft moans. It’s not long before he trades it for the next size, the one he uses most often. The centaur’s arms twine around his waist and his chin rests on his shoulder, jostling in time with Joseph’s thrusts. 

The third toy has a flared base and he grunts, spreading his legs wider as he pushes it in. He stops mid-way, needing a moment to relax. Barclay rubs his thighs, asking if there’s anything he needs. 

“A little distraction might help.”

“I can manage that.”

“GAHahnnnnm, shit, that works.” Joseph moves the toy incrementally deeper as Barclay nibbles his ears. The playful pain always makes him shiver and submit to whatever’s happening, and soon the toy bottoms out. He fucks himself with it until the idea of taking more feels not only possible, but wonderful. 

The fourth toy is, according to his research, to inches shorter and an inch and a half thinner than the average centaur cock. It’s an intense stretch and he groans, falling back in Barclays arms. The centaurs breath is coming in hot puffs on his neck and chest, and the bed is moving more than it was a minute ago.

“Enjoying the show, big guy?”

“Uhhuhnnn, I, fuck babe this is making me so fucking hard but I, I didn’t wanna say anything in case you needed to back out.”

“My sweet, considerate Barclay. Here, I have an idea.” He tips forward, splaying out on his stomach with the toy sticking part way out of his ass, “I want you to finish getting me ready.”

“Okay” He can feel Barclay’s hand shaking through the length of the toy, “fuck, your ass looks good like this.”

“It’ll look even better with yours in itAH gods, that’s a good speed for it, gods that feels so good.”

Barclay growls, pushes the toy all the way in as Joseph arches off the bed with a wall-shaking moan.

“That’s it, ohmylord, see big guy, I can take whatever you give me. You won’t break me, won’t hurt me, just fill me up and make me cum so hard I white out-”

“Who says you’re gonna get to cum, blue eyes? Maybe I’ll just fill that tight orc ass up and leave you there until I’m ready to breed again.”

There’s a smack just as the toy stops moving. Joseph turns to see Barclay with his hands clamped over his mouth. 

“‘M ‘orry.”

With some effort and another moan as the toy shifts, he rolls onto his side and holds up two fingers, “First off, I’ve heard way more explicit ‘breeding talk’ including from my own kind. Second of all, if it bothered me, I wouldn’t keep talking about how strong and capable you are when I want to wind you up. I was a spy, Barclay; I’m very good at telling what people want and what they’re hiding.”

“Joe….” it’s a whine. Rarer still is the use of his nickname, something Barclay only does when he’s far gone with desire. Joseph allows himself some internal smugness before smiling at his boyfriend. 

“I’m ready for the main event if you are.”

Lube drips down his thighs as Barclay helps him into place. There’s a large, square cushion with very little give shoved up against the wall. It’s waist-height for Joseph, so he bends over it and lets his boyfriend strap his wrists and ankles down against the faux-velvet. 

“Is that okay? You don’t need the extra pad under your feet?”

“Assuming we’re at a comfortable angle for you, I’m all set.”

“Right. Cool.” Barclay sounds almost impatient; what an evening of firsts this is turning out to be. “I’m gonna put the last piece on.”

A cool circle of stainless steel sits snugly against Joseph's ass. In his reading, he learned that a common issue was the cock slipping out during the precarious first pushes, leading to frustration for everyone. Since Barclay can’t guide it with his hand from the angle he’ll be at, the ring offers a tactile clue and keep him on course once he pushes in. 

The centaur moves so he’s behind him, then steps forward so his front legs are on either side of the block Joseph is strapped to. From here, the heat of his body surrounds the orc and he feels safe instead of smothered. After three mis-judged nudges, his cock threads though the ring, the flat, wide head of it parting Joseph’s ass as they both groan. 

“Shit” Joseph hisses. Barclay freezes above him, so he adds, “that was good cursing.”

It remains so as the thick head stretches him open, and he gasps with relief when it’s done breaching his body. The shaft is narrower, so that’s the hard part over with. Better still, his preparation pays off; the cock slides most of the way in with little resistance. 

“Can I start moving?” He can’t really see Barclay’s face from this angle, but the centaurs' shy, lustful hope is clear in his voice.

“Yes, big guyFUCK! Ohfuck, yes, holy hells that’s good.” The first thrusts make the purpose of the straps clear; if Joseph weren’t tied down, he’d be bounced this way and that, increasing his chances of injury. Trapped as he is, there’s less chance for accidental harm and no distraction from the massive cock relentlessly thudding into him. 

“Fuck, Joseph, you feel so good baby, fuck I never think of you as small but it’s like I can reach the back of your fucking throat like this.”

The comment draws his attention to what he assumes is a lump in the flat surface of the cushion that’s causing his stomach to rock at an angle. 

“Holy shit that’s, that’s your cock. Barclay, it’s, it’s literally bulging my stomach out.” He wishes the set up allowed him to see it, he wants to sear the image of Barclay’s cock molded against his flesh into the deepest corners of his memory. 

“I can feel it babe, believe me. Fuck, such a tight fit, you’re like a fucking toy, stretching to take me.” More force behind the thrusts, suggesting Barclay is using the bar enchanted into the wall for this exact purpose, “shouldn’t waste a breeding load on a toy, but fuck me if I care.”

“Gods almighty” that fact hadn’t appeared in his research, but makes perfect sense; if a centaur hasn’t fucked in awhile, their biology might generate a greater amount of cum the next time around in hopes of continuing their kind. 

“Yeah, you like that, like the idea of taking my cum so deep you’ll be able to taste it. Gonna fill you up babe, fuck, gonna leave you dripping for weeks.”

“That’s right, big guy, you can cum as much as you want.” His comment dies out into a prolonged whimper as his cock ruts against the cushion, pushing him towards orgasm. 

Barclay stops, huffing, and rumbles, “It’s cute how you think you get to make that call, instead of taking me for as long as I fucking say like the needy little piece of ass you are.”

“Sweet fucking hell” Is all Joseph gets out before his words give way to desperate, ecstatic sounds. Barclay fucks him so hard and fast it shakes dust from the ceiling and a picture from the wall. The entire lower half of his body is stretched and pounded so mercilessly and with absolutely no pauses, meaning his orgasm only registers when splatters across the floor. His sensitive cock gets no reprieve, bouncing in time with Barclays increasingly sharp thrusts and making Joseph gasp whenever it rubs against the cushion. 

His assumption that Barclay is going his fastest goes out the window when the centaur quickens his pace, Josephs wrists and ankles twisting in their bonds as his mind falls silent. All he hears is Barclay grunting as his cock tries to go deeper into his ass. 

“C’mon babe, c’mon, take it, take me deep, take the whole godsdamn fucking thingohfuck, Joe.” There’s a deep, broken cry as cum pumps into him, his body aching at the further intrusion. Barclay whimpers and moans above him, hips still jerking as he keeps cumming. By the time he gives a final thrust, cum is escaping back down his shaft, Joseph’s body unable to contain it. 

“Do, do you want me to pull out all at once?”

“Yes, best to get the mess over with instead of dragging oOWut.” His body gives up any pretense of supporting itself when the centaur slides out of him. Thank goodness for the cushions. Barclay isn’t faring any better, knees wobbling as he undoes Josephs’ restraints and helps him to the bed. The orc just manages to remember to toss a towel out for him to lay on so he doesn’t stain the bed sheets with the spend still running down his legs. 

Barclay nestles protectively around him, guiding his head to rest on the still-shiny fur of his back, “I can’t believe you did that for me.”

“For us. I don’t know if you noticed, but I thoroughly enjoyed myself.”

“Kinda got that sense, yeah.”  Barclay rests their heads together, “Even so just...thanks. Thanks for taking the time and effort it takes to fuck me.”

Joseph toys with Barclay’s hair, tucks it behind his ears, “Barclay, I love you. Part of that means figuring things like this out together. Even if being with you, in any sense of the word, was a hundred times more complicated, that wouldn’t be enough to stop me from trying.”

Barclay doesn’t ask if he means it. Instead, he draws him into a kiss, works his magic with his lips and tongue until Joseph is practically draped over him, content and exhausted. Before the centaur scoops him up for another bath, he kisses his cheek and rumbles, “Thanks, babe. And I love you too.”

[the-ice-sculpture]

Reflecting on the Loki show

Hurray – fewer instances of cringey humour in Episode 2 than Episode 1!

Shame about there not being a single scene in the entire episode in Episode 2 where Loki felt in character

If this wasn’t a Loki show, I’d probably be enjoying it at the same level as a casual viewer of any other TV show. The plot’s interesting with a different take on time travel that I’ve seen, and there are no boring moments. But I can’t get past the lack of MCU Loki here. I just... Ugh. It’s so frustrating. No other media could get away with the main character suddenly having a personality transplant, but because it’s Marvel people are... fine with it, for some reason?

I can live with the tone and plot being different to what I’d do with it if I’d had the choice. I’ve said multiple times in the past that just because the show probably won’t give me what I want from it doesn’t mean that the show can’t be good in its own right. But what I didn’t anticipate before any of the trailers started coming out was that the Loki here might not feel like MCU Loki at all. I can forgive a lot of things, but I just can’t wrap my head around the sheer number of people who must have given the green light to all the decisions made about his characterisation. Those kinds of things can’t just be blamed on one person, it’d be a combination of the writers, directors, actors, producers...

I never thought that Loki finally getting to be the main character on screen (how many years have I wanted that to happen? 7? 8?) would be the thing to cause me to have my first ever thoughts about quitting this fandom.

I’m not having fun. I’m used to being more than a bit disappointed. I even stayed in the fandom after Thor: Ragnarok came about without much complaining, despite not being a fan of a fair amount of elements in it. I even stayed after Infinity War and Endgame came out with very little complaining either, despite how many things there were that I didn’t like in them. I even rewatched Game of Thrones after being just as unsatisfied with how it was tied up as everyone else was, and I still love the first four seasons and some scenes from later on (yes, even including Season 8).

But I’m not used to being this level of disappointed. The past month I’ve gone from having 5 different Loki WIPs I wanted to write to suddenly not being sure if I want to finish any of them at all. I mean, at least two of them will be finished because they’re oneshots for an event and I’ve already done most of the work so I might as well, but the contrast with my motivation is huge.

I don’t want to leave this fandom. I still have things I (hypothetically) want to write. I have over 100,000 words of various unpublished Loki fanfics that I’ve been working on. I don’t want them to go to waste. I want to finish what I started. It’s not like the enthusiasm for the idea of the stories has gone, it’s just... I don’t know, the overarching disappointment and not having fun in a fandom space anymore? How strongly Loki is associated with me feeling bitter and miserable now? How the show and the experience outside of it is doing the opposite of inspiring me?

I don’t to be that person either. You know, the one who has an entire blog dedicated to moaning about something. The one who seems determined to interpret everything in the worst possible light, regardless of rationalism. The one who seems like they’d never be satisfied unless something was made 100% their way, and if it wasn’t then of course it’s Problematic and that’s why it’s Just Plain Bad, and it’s nothing to do with personal taste and a certain amount of projection. The one who starts getting positive reinforcement about hating something, so it becomes a habit and before they know it, it’s part of their daily routine, and they’re still regularly doing it years later. The one who goes on about how ‘if you’re a true fan of [x] and really understood [x], this would bother you’, or worse, starts making it personal with the real people involved in the creation of the show.

But the experience of not liking the show is a lonely one. There are other people who don’t agree on his characterisation either, I know. But when the vast majority of people who watch it seem not to find the changes in his entire character jarring? When people are going around saying that it’s not until now that the writers have finally understood Loki? When you get people acting like anyone who voices any criticism whatsoever is ridiculous and shouldn’t be in the fandom and behaves like they might catch the Taint of Negativity if they were to associate with them? When any criticisms are dismissed as ‘people who just want to hate the show’?

Believe me, I don’t want to hate the show. I’d love to be happy with the show. But I'm not. This Loki doesn’t feel like MCU Loki. The only time he did feel like himself to me was during the scene towards the end of Episode 1 where he was watching parts of his life on screen. That’s it. Over one and a half hours into the series so far, 1/3 of the entire show. Out of all that, only one scene.

And now every time I see people being happy about the show it makes me feel resentful. And, no, I’m not going to add anything negative to their posts or say anything to them. If the show is what it is and there’s no changing it then it’s better at least some people get to enjoy it rather than it bringing about universal misery. I don’t want to take away anyone else’s happiness. I just to feel happy too, but I don’t, and I’m painfully aware of it.

I don’t know where I’m going with this, I think I’m just venting. 

I don’t know what the solution is either. Space from fandom for a bit? I mean, I’ve been doing this a bit already recently (not full commitment, just more than usual), but I like being able to use tumblr as an escape. Unfollow people/leave Discord groups? But there are people who I’ve had plenty of positive interactions with, and I don’t want to lose those connections.

It’s really dumb, but I like my fandom corner. I like knowing that if I post a fic, there’ll be a certain small group of people who’ll probably read it, and a smaller chunk of those who’ll comment on it, even all these years later. And there are still so many stories I want to tell with Loki, so many things I haven’t done yet, but... 

Yeah, I don’t know if my motivation will come back or not (I’m leaning towards maybe not). Or how much the fandom will change as a result of the show. I’d expect a wave newcomers, but if a lot of new fics being written are largely based on the show characterisation (and if reader expectation of Loki’s characterisation lies with that too), then I have little to no interest in it.

Oh, and another thing to add to my list of things I don’t want to be: I don’t want to be that person who is all ‘I’ve been here longer and know better and am therefore more of a real fan than any of you new people’. So there’s that.

Ultimately, I think I’m eventually going to have to choose between staying and trying to squash/somehow extinguish any bitter feelings, or leaving. I don’t like either of those options very much. It might be premature of me to post this before the show has ended because my feelings might change, but, unsurprisingly, writing is a good way of processing feelings and I’ve been having a lot of them that need processing.

In case anyone’s actually read this obscene amount of rambling, I’m okay, I’m not, like, weeping over this as I write or anything. But it’s still not a great feeling to have a place that was once my favourite place for escapism and creativity to make me feel like I might not be welcome or like I might not want to be there. And it’s not like I can easily just switch over to another fandom to write for, because there are no other characters who have inspired me to write anywhere near much as Loki has. So, yes, I’m feeling a little sorry for myself. All over a fictional TV show. I repeat: it’s dumb.

[primeemeraldheiress]

I am in a creative writing course and I have a block right now. Do you have any tips for a block? How do you get out of yours?

There’s a couple of different ways I can work around those. If there’s a specific project I’m trying to get done, I sit down with friends/enablers and I start talking about the project. I try to get excited about it again. Because if I’m excited about it, it makes me want to work on it. (This also works for when you’re stuck on a certain plot point or something.)

If I’m just trying to get something out, I’ll move onto a different project. See previous tip, but instead of talking about the one thing, talk about many. Find something that’s interesting. Talk about it. Get HYPED!!!!

I’m one of those people that has to have multiple projects because I can’t sit there any work on a single project forever or I’ll lose my mind. It’s just not something I can do. So I have a two or three active big projects and a handful of smaller ones that I can switch between that maintain my focus and the smaller ones have to be easier to complete. I think that’s why I turn out ficlets fairly quickly sometimes. They give me a feeling of accomplishment and it helps keep me going. That feeling of completion is really important for motivation. Also, no matter how cracky or ridiculous it sounds, if it’s bugging you, write it. It’ll make someone’s day somewhere. 

If YOU want to see it, SOMEONE ELSE wants to see it. 

I promise you!

I’ve also recently been shown a new writing method that’s frankly doubling my output when I write. It’s called the whiteout method. I change the text color to white and on a white background, it means I can’t see what I’m typing. Combined with sprints (15 minute timed sessions) the time pressure makes sure I just keep typing and getting something out. It’s pretty awesome, really. I can’t believe what I’m writing. Almost the entirety of Within Halls of Golden Rot was written with this technique in about 2 hours. After than it was all editing.

As I edit, I go through, fix, delete and expand things. It’s marvelous for just getting something down and onto paper, so to speak. 

I’ve discovered over the summer that deadlines for creative works aren’t actually very helpful to me and are more stressful and likely to block my process than anything else. (Though, tbh, that could just be the stress of the internship I had, too.) So do what you can to avoid that, maybe? With a class, it’s hard, though. 

I’m also sort of like a goldfish with more complicated emotions. If my environment isn’t right, my whole process is shot to shit. So make sure you’re comfortable. My space has to be reasonably neat and stuff in its place. Also, I’ll forget to get up and get water and food etc if I’m really in the zone, so make sure you have snacks and drinks nearby. And your tunes, of course. I have playlists for different fandoms and different types of moods I’m going for. 

I don’t know if any of that’s helpful to you, but if it does work out for you, please let me know! 💕💕💕

[theastrophilearchitect]

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

Writing journey #4.

15/05/2021 07.22 My break has officially been over for five days, and i have done some writing, but it’s been incredibly inconsistent, so I decided to start this blog post over. Bay Tree has been archived, and though FSB isn’t done, I’ve realised I need to take a step back. It’s why writers leave weeks at a time between drafts--so when they return, they’re in a different mindset, and can improve their work.

For this same reason, I need to take a step back before I finish my outline. My thought process is becoming monotonous, which means I’m losing my excitement. When you start a project, you have the idea in your head as perfect, and when those ‘vibes’ become tangible, it is less exciting. That’s unavoidable. But I just need to take a step back, so when I return, I have fresh ideas, and the plot becomes more exciting to me.

So today, I’m going to start brainstorming a new idea I had, which I don’t have an alias for yet, and I have an idea to essentially bind every project I have together, but not in Grishaverse- or Shadowhunters-style where you need to read ten books just to read the one you want. Just a nod to anyone who does read multiple, like when Aelin falls through worlds and sees Rhys and Feyre for a split second.

So. Let’s brainstorm.

My plan, I think, is to alternate weekly. This week, I’ll work on the new one, next week I’ll do FSB. I could just take this new idea and apply it to FSB, except I just don’t see how that would work. I have different worlds in mind, and this new one is a fantasy where FSB is sci-fi(/fantasy. It’s kinda both).

16/05/2021 07.07 I really wish I was a pantser. Even though I haven’t got to the editing stage, my favourite part of writing is implementing new ideas and making changes, but I’m just not a pantser. I need to know where each part is going. Instead, I have to sit here, brainstorming, for days, to figure everything out.

18/05/2021 07.06 I did a lot of work on the 16th, but I was busy yesterday, and didn’t get any writing done, because, when I was free, I was just reading. So, I’ve decided I’m going to at least write before I leave the house, which gives me about 45 minutes this morning. 

23/05/2021 18.30 Based on the fact it has been five days, I think you can tell how good I’ve been about keeping writing. The problem is that I don’t actually have much past a concept for my new project, so I’m trying to figure out how, precisely, I could merge the two projects. FSB is interesting, but doesn’t have a huge amount of depth, which adding the characters from the new project would absolutely do, while the new project is lacking plot, which FSB (at least the first book I’ve planned) does. So, I’m going to start a new Scrivener project, and consider how I can merge the two concepts while implementing both plots.

Is it too much? I have only two main characters in FSB, but five in the newer one, which gives me seven main characters, divided into three groups. And do I want to write a book with so many separate storylines? I know readers (myself included) always end up favouring one storyline over another, getting annoyed when certain POVs come up. I don’t know what to do.

I could keep the new project, but implement FSB? Hold up. New Project (NP) has two protagonists who could undergo a similar development to the protagonists of FSB... I had a plan for the male protagonist of FSB, his arc, which wouldn’t work for NP’s male protagonist, but would work perfectly for its female protagonist...

Tumblr’s glitching. It wouldn’t let me reblog a post earlier, and now it won’t let me save this draft. Please, no.

Okay, so I had to copy what I’d written for today, disconnect and reconnect to the Wi-Fi, then wait for my drafts to load to paste it. Going great!

21.00 So I didn’t get a huge amount done, because I caught up doing ~evening things~, but I at least have a plan going forward, which is an accomplishment

30/05/2021 09.29 I’ve spent the last couple weeks doing everything I can to avoid writing, but i now have an insane amount of free time, so I have no excuse. I want to use this time in a productive way, and, for me, that means writing.

03/06/2021 10.31 I swear to god, I’ve had ‘writing’ on my to-do list every single day, except not doing it is probably my own fault, because it’s been so far down on the list. Also, I’m doing a buddy read, but am also unfortunately descending into a reading slump, so even reading 50 pages takes me about 90 minutes--they’re not even long pages.

I actually went back onto my old Wattpad account earlier, where I found a load of old, unfinished stuff, but none of it was as bad as I thought it would be, and the ideas weren’t bad. I just really have no idea what it is I’m writing right now, and I hate trying to figure it out.

11.30 There are so many Ss in the word ‘assassin’ this is not okay.

This is actually going so well. I have two storylines in my head, a complex cast of characters, and I’m so looking forward to plotting this.

04/06/2021 08.04 Look at me, two days in a row. Anyways, I’m thinking I ought to name these characters ASAP, because it’ll be easier to shape them to their names than it will be to find a name which fits them once they’ve been shaped.

14.41 Here’s what I’m realising: I like to pants plots, but I can’t do that while I’m actually drafting, so I think my plan is actually to bullet point everything that happens, then revise that, then start drafting, so the story is basically set in the first draft.

I’ve actually gone through a lot of stuff--I have workable plot material!

17.16 So, me being me, I’ve semi-outlined (I say semi-, it’s more like a tenth) a trilogy, meaning I have ideas for three books following this storyline, and it... makes sense. It’s the kind of story where I can follow multiple arcs, a few at a time, instead of several overarching ones, or maybe it’s just that I’m letting myself.

07/06/2021 16.44 I don’t have a damn clue what I’ve spent the day doing. I haven’t done anything in a couple days because it was the weekend and I was busy, but I’m back now. The thing is, I haven’t spent the day reading, watching, drawing, or doing anything, really--it’s escaped me. But, at the very least, I’ve relaxed, so who cares?

I’m not applying story structure to the ideas I’m having quite yet--rather, I’m just developing them to see how they bloom on their own, then I’ll fit it in; it just seems like a more natural and effective way to develop.

Yeah, no. It’s too late in the day for this. I have zero motivation.

08/06/2021 09.49 Maybe I’ll accomplish something today; who knows? Certainly not me.

I’m now applying the 3-act structure, but I’m realising I have way too many details worked out for this--switching to more acts.

22.20 Why am I doing this to myself? I wish I could say I’m not entirely sure, but it’s because I can’t sleep, because this project, and my character Lihan, are the only things I can think about, so here I am. I don’t want to be a night writer, but que sera sera (I wish I could type accents on an English keyboard).

23.22 I accomplished more in the last hour on this project than I have in the last four days.

09/06/2021 - 1,115 words 09.29 I really hope I don’t prove today that night-writing is my sweet spot--I don’t want it to be. Can the world just let me have a functional sleep schedule??

Anyways, so, as I’ve mentioned before, I use Scrivener, which enables me to sort which documents are part of the manuscript from the ones that aren’t. I’ve been working outside of the manuscript, but I think I’m going to move them into it--I have a plan I believe will be more effective for my own drafting. I think I very much need the events to be set in stone before I begin writing in actual prose, so how can I do that? Especially when I also enjoy pantsing, but not in prose?

Here’s the plan: I plot out the main events, then bullet point everything in very high detail, similar to what many people call a zero draft, in which they draft a book in short form. I’ll sort the bullet points into chapters (but not scenes, because as I discovered with Bay Tree, I find scene-blocking makes the narrative less natural), leave it alone a while, then revise, so I can have my plot more-or-less set in stone before I work on prose.

As a result, I’m going to shift my plotting into the manuscript section, because it is, essentially, an early draft, and also I want a word count as a progress metre.

13/06/2021 - 1,611 words 8.18 Alas, I have been busy the last few days, but I’m here now.

9.20 The amount of secrets and who-knows-what in this story is genuinely absurd, but I’m sure I’ll clean it up eventually.

14.01 A few days ago, I came across a post about balancing large casts, which is exactly what I have, and the first thing it mentioned was the two-trait rule, in which every character has two traits completely unique to them, to help both reader and writer differentiate. Which I’m now going to implement.

14.42 I have these two characters, and I know exactly what I want their dynamic to be, except I can’t decide who should be which part of it.

I have made my decision. It probably works better now, but it does alter their roles, so I need to fix that.

I literally swapped them round solely because I decided one was taller than the other and thought it would be more interesting if the short one was the sadist. Why do I make my own life so difficult?

14/06/2021 - 1,574 words 11.08 I didn’t make an enormous amount of progress yesterday, but I did make some, and made notes of ideas for relationship arcs last night, so I count that a victory (forced optimism--surprisingly effective). I’m currently just working through bullet-pointing book one, while making notes of events I want in the rest of the series (I’m projecting three books, and telling myself I will finish them). I’m currently fiddling with one of my storylines to see how I can mould it to FSB’s and OH MY GOODNESS I JUST HAD A GREAT IDEA must take notes, one moment pleaseeee.

Okay, so I have four bullet points for relationship arcs and an idea to adjust one of the storylines--I’d say I have six main characters, two of whom are really the protagonists, two of which are my favourites, and the other two are fun, but in need of development. They’re split into a group of four and a pair, and I’m definitely more into the storyline of the four, mostly because the four contains my two favourites, and it’s more developed than that of the pair.

I’ve been keeping a list of things to add: motivations, loose plot threads, plot points I want to include--I really need to re-organise it.

On another note, I am so glad I named the characters as early as I did. I’m debating having two of the characters swap names, but I don’t think I will, because I will absolutely mix them up, and one of them is part of the perfect ship name.

My mouse isn’t working. I changed the batteries, but it’s not working, so now I get the joy of trying to figure out if the batteries I put in are just old or if the mouse no longer works, which would suck.

Yes, I’m going to describe this. Mostly because when I changed the batteries the first time, it took a minute to stop working, and this will waste a minute. So, first set of batteries, which we’ll call set 1, don’t work. I don’t know if it’s both or just one, but if it’s one, I don’t want to throw away both. I take out set 1, I put in set 2. Set 2 works perfectly. So it’s not the mouse. Now I take out battery 2B, and replace it with 1A, so I have 1A and 2A in here. I know 2A works, but I’m not sure about 1A, but the mouse works, so 1A is fine. Let’s replace 1A with 1B.

Yep. 1B is the problem child. 1A works fine, but 1B doesn’t. Lovely. Crisis averted. It would’ve really sucked it I had to get a new mouse. And back to writing!

12.13 I’m bouncing between documents as I organise, which means my word count is actually decreasing, so I feel like I’m making significantly less progress than I am.

I just realised my two protagonists are cousins. I’ve had it in my head that one’s father was the brother of the other’s father, but somehow I didn’t realise that makes them cousins.

I’m about to delete a list because I’ve reformatted it--my word count is currently at 1,958, but is really about to drop.

AND NOW WE’RE AT 1,572. My session word count is -32. Minus thirty-two. I hate it here, but it’s fine, because we’re ~developing~.

15/06/2021 - 2,113 words 09.39 It’s not even technically summer yet, but it’s too hot, and I hate it here. All the windows are open, so everything’s cool, there’s a nice breeze, and lots of light, but the birds are so loud, and I have to keep all the doors closed because the open windows send them swaying and slamming. You know when you close a door when all the windows are open and it slams? Yep. Not into it. 

I feel like every day I try a new way to organise my plotting. I’m unsure as to whether that’s helping me or holding me back, because it forces me to review what I have, which usually sparks new ideas, but I’m not convinced I’ll ever get to the end as long as I keep doing this.

21/06/2021 13.40 I spent the latter half of last week with zero motivation, then I was busy at the weekend, but I’m here now. I’ve been trying to make myself write basically all day--I have a plan, and a list of things I’ve come up with the last few days, but I just couldn’t make myself do it. I’m not in a good mood, but maybe this will help.

I have, however, just reminded myself that I need to prepare this week’s post, because I sincerely doubt either this or my ongoing Recent reads will be ready for Friday. Actually, if I do quite a bit of writing this week, this post might be, but I’m not willing to bet on it.

And oh, crap, now I just want to write a blog post.

No. No I don’t. I started looking at the list of ideas I had, and now I’m just not feeling it. I’m pretty sure when I open my document for this project I’ll lose all motivation too, but it’s worth a shot.

There’s a specific relationship in an anime I recently watched that I want to pull apart--there’s this ship, and the author of the manga has called the two characters ‘soulmates’. There’s just this huge amount of tension between the two, and I want to re-watch the show because I love it, but also so I can take notes to figure out what was so effective about it.

13.53 I’ve been doing this for 13 minutes, but I do think I need to leave this project/outline alone for a bit, give it an opportunity to ruminate, to evolve. In truth, I may not even come back to it until I’ve re-watched the anime I was talking about so I can tear that ship to pieces.

17.33 So I just learned brainstorming is apparently significantly easier on paper. Hm. I’ve just worked out so damn much, stuff I’ve been struggling with.

18.00 I have successfully tied up so many plot threads, simply by working with pen and paper. This is revolutionary. (I know, not really, but it is for me, someone adamant about working with a keyboard and monitor)

22/06/2021 09.42 Seriously, why did I never try actually working on paper before? Something about holding a pen to paper and scribbling and drawing a mindmap--it just works. I’ve been obstinate about avoiding working on paper because I hate physically writing, yet here we are.

25/06/2021 11.09 I’m really not managing much reading at the moment--since I started reading manga, my attention span has just gone down the drain. I’m currently reading Mister Impossible by Maggie Stiefvater, and I don’t think it helped that I had to stop less than a third of the way in to do a buddy read, but I just don’t have much motivation to read it, though I do so want to. I haven’t been listening much to audiobooks lately either, because when I’d usually listen--when I’m getting dressed, waking up, going to bed etc.--I just want to listen to music, because I also recently fell down the well of k-pop, and the group whose discography I’m getting to know at the moment is BTS. Basic, but they’re the fifth group I’m doing, and they have so many songs. Which would happen after eight years, but still.

I want to read so, so badly, but I just don’t feel like reading Mister Impossible. But I do want to finish it before reading anything else. I think I’ll finish my current audiobook, then if I’m still feeling stagnated in Mister Impossible, I’ll switch to the audiobook of that, then just take a break from reading until I’m ready to actually read. 

But this post is for writing, not reading. I did write on the 23rd, but I just didn’t update this post. The 24th I was busy, but my wall is now covered in post-it notes of world-building, characters, gods, plot points, and a whole load of other stuff.

Also, I had an idea for a book title this morning--not for this one, just in general--and when I went to add it to my list, I found a title that would so suit this project. I don’t want to say it, but let’s just say this project will be called ItLotG--or not. That’s a hideous combination of letters. I promise it is actually a good title.

11.52 I’m having another crisis over these two characters. I’m thinking it would make more sense to have L’s betrayal ‘arc’ initiated before the catalyst, or rather have it be the catalyst, except the problem there is that they’re not in the city they need to be in to receive that offer.

UNLESS,,,, what if this point happens just while they’re in the capital.... I’ve got it. 

17.16 I’ve been taking notes this whole time of everything I want to happen in books 2 and 3, and I have so much now i think they’ll be so much easier to plot than this one.

The downside of working mostly on paper is that my plans on Scrivener have been refined to one document, which is now only 878 words.

Right now, there’s a glaring hole between the midpoint and the ending, but my climax is one of those where the climax itself is a very small part of a bigger event, so if I figure out what I want to happen in this big event which is essentially the whole of the third act, I should be able to fill in the rest of Act Two with the setup for that.

So I’m leaving it there for both today and this post. In the last month or so, I decided to start over and mash two projects together, which created a whole new storyline I love, and now I’m mostly done with the first outline. I want to treat outlines as more than just preparation for drafts, because I find notes so much easier to edit than actual prose, and I hate writing without a clear idea of where I’m going. 

I think I’m going to call these ‘runs’--an outline is a run through, a draft a run through, so I’m nearly done with my first run, and I’m very proud of that, so go, go write the idea you have, drink some water, take a nap if you need one, eat if you haven’t eaten in a few hours, and I’ll be back with another writing update innnnnnn probably august, honestly.

Go write that idea!

[popculturebuffet]

Mickey and the Roadster Racers: “Mickey’s Perfecto Day” and “Daisy’s Grande Goal” review or “I think i’m going out of my headcold”

Saludos Amigos!  I”ve been sick, and as such have had no energy or state of mind to continue my look at every apperance of the CABs in the us, concluding with a look at every episode of legend of the three caballeros. 

And today’s stop is one i’m only passingly familiar with: Mickey and the Roadster Racers. MATRR.. wait really that’s what it spells?

No Larry the Cable guy on this blog thank you.  Anyways, Roadster Racers is surprisingly complicated for such a simple show. For starters it’s the successor to “Mickey Mouse’s Club House” another CGI Disney Junior show, Disney’s equivalent to Nick Jr because their clever like that. And to continue the theme of ripping off other properties, the show was Disney’s stab at following the big fake interactivity craze started by Dora the Explorer. And it’s annoying as that sounds with a lot of pasues and an annoying recurring hot dog song that’s obnoxiously catchy. It was mostly just slice of life shenanigans with the mickey mouse crew and when retoolling it they decided to drop the now dated fake interactivity, turn up the slice of life and add some of those nitro burning funny cars vroom vroom. IN a sense genral g rated soft boiled mickey shenanigans with a racing theme. 

Not a terrible series but not terribly intresting hence why i’ve never covered it. It’s a bland inoffesnsive cartoon for toddlers. Enough effort is put in for me not to hate it, as even a toddler show can have effort, but not enoguh so that I really care. I’ve seen better, i’ve seen worse. The only intresting things are the racing gimmick and the fact that as said gimmick diminished they switched names to “Mickey’s mixed up adventures” in season 3. Hence the complicated part as it’s not counted as it’s own series but unlike other disney title changes they aren’t just slapping another label under the logo like the marvel shows. This is  a full on retool. But it still has the same cast and prodcution crew and is counted as part of mickey mouse. Point is it’s weird and not relevant since our boys didn’t show up in that season. Oh and as a final note I learned while writing this/ there’s a THIRD Mickey Mouse Disney Junior Series, Mickey Mouse Funhouse, coming next year. 

But with so little to cover I ended up throwing in a freebie. See normally I charge the same for 11 minute and 20+ minute shows. It’s fair as most 11 minute shows these days pack in as much character as the ones that use the full half hour. It’s just a diffrence in tactics is all. But here I felt obligated to do at LEAST two diffrent, but cabs related, 11 minutes here, so if I had nothing to talk about I could pad it out and If I had everyhting to talk about.. eh I still tried to do the right thing. I regret nothing. But yeah i’m sick, this series is eh, let’s gooooo. 

Mickey’s Perfecto Day So Mickey and Friends are preparing to drive to spain.

No i’m not making a joke. Wish I was would be one of my best but no, Mickey and Friends are just.. casually going to drive to Spain. To explain why this hurts my head a map, on which i’ve drawn the route they’d have to take to get to spain from, let’s say Calisota, the fictional state where Mouseton, Duckburg, New Quackmore, and thus probably Hot Dog Hills, the show’s setting, reside. 

This is a crue map, they oculd’ve gone down through mexico or central america.. but the point is THEY DROVE ACROSS THE OCEAN. And I genuinely do not know if their cars can do that but apparently they can. So either the writer didn’t know where Spain was or didn’t care and either way it’s bad. LIke at least give their cars a plane or boat mode. Go full DKR up in this bitch, give em diffrent racing vehicles. But it wouldn’t be as aggrivvating or bizzare if they MENTIONED how they were driving to spain, like maybe Donald’s car that’s also an old boat and goofy’s that’s a tub have aquamodes and can tow the rest. I get 5 year olds don’t care about this.. but still? I guess? Also MIckey is either the sorcerer supreme or jesus at this point. He can cross oceans by car, astral project, cross into other dimensions.. the only thing missing is raising the dead and  he already did that in the 30′s. 

So as for why the sorcerer supreme and his buddies are going all the way to Spain, Donald has a concert with the three caballeros and this time they all remember him as a memmber and Daisy’s a huge fan. Which is sweet. Then we hear donald duck talk and...

Yeah, Daniel Ross is not the best Donald. Now I will cut the guy some slack here: He’s a voice actor more known for doing bit parts who just got the role in 2016, since racers aired in 2017 and animation lead time and all that. He’s not going to be nearly as good as Tony or Clarence out of the gate. Even Tony wasn’t. He also had a valid reason for picking up the role as Tony likely had two series in production at that time, Rise of the Three Cablleros and Ducktales, and thus had to split his time between both. And having Chris Diamaptolus do mickey in the new shorts instead of his usual voice actor Bret Iwane despite Iwane not being in any serious danger of dying soon has worked out super. So having multiple actors isn’t the problem. Hell after the tragic loss of Russi taylor and with how bad the world is, having an understudy in mind for such an important role is a grim but understandable necicisty. While I belivie tony can go on for decades, he’s only human. 

So my issue is not on Donald’s voice being diffrent or new.. it’s that it’s not very good and the second episode featuerd here shows Daniel Ross really hasn’t improved despite now having worked as the character for a while.I can forgive taking some time to grow in but being this sloppy after a full season is just unacceptable. He’s BETTER but he’s still just not very good and doing the bear minimum. I don’t doubt he’s a good va in other rolls, I don’t want to hate on the guy, but I can hate on aperfomance when it’s bad and it’s not good here. It’s just not. Not in either episode not in any way shape or form. It just feels like a lazy donald duck impression. Disney can do better and Ross can hopefully find better work in the future. But for now this just hangs like a wet fart on his resume. 

Moving on, thankfully, we have our three stories split pretty evenly and all stock plots. “Horay”.  Mickey and Minnie: Mickey tries to have a “perfecto” day, hence the title with Minnie, but instead gives her a rose a baby bull likes.. or maybe it’s SUPPOSED to be full grown but while Mickey and Minnie treat him like a grown bull and react to him like one.. the boy dosen’t look at all, even in the series style, like an adult bull. he looks like a calf. Mickey.. is initimdated by a small child whose horns aren’t sharp enough to hurt him. 

It’s just REALLY distracting and takes me out of the plot which itself is as bland as plain toast and twice as dry. They flee him till the end where Minnie figures out the rose thing at the concert and they make an ew friend. NOt TERRIBLE but not great.  Goofy and Cuckoo Loca: Okay first off who and what is a cuckoo loca? Well she’s a wind up bird that lives in Daisy’s Cuckoo Clock and makes sarcastic comments in a brooklyn accent because nikka futtterman voices her. Still makes more sense than driving to spain. She’s not a bad addition to the cast.. not even that weird as most kids based franchises have an adorable animal sidekick to market. Goofy wants to try some “flamingo dancing” while in spain, with Loca going along to make sure he dosen’t die somehow.. which would be unjustifable for anyone but goofy. Also.. Flamingo Dancing...

But yeah Goofy goes up against ... world famous flamingo dancer horace horsecollar?!

Now apparently this is a common thing for him in this series, apparently, but still it feels like if one of those weird variant ninja turtle figures from the 80′s was a plot point in an episode. Like if we actually had an episode based around birthday magician raph. 

It feels just as odd and out of place for down to earth if showy horace to suddenly be the best flaminco dancer in spain, despite being very much white coded, as it does for the angriest ninja turtle to be pulling a rabbit out of kids hats. Now Rise of the TMNT raph I could totally see as a party magician but any other? He’d probably break his wand over some kids head. 

Goofy ends up winning anyway because he’s stupid, though Flamingo dancing should be a real thing even if this joke is bad and it shoudl feel bad. What an ODD subplot Okay one more then i’m free of this prison. 

The Three Cablleros Plus Daisy:  Okay finally we get to what I came here for. The Three Caballeros! And..they look a tad off. Not terrible but clearly the animators weren’t as skilled with non duck beaks as both of them look ready to do this to donald. 

While Panchito’s color varies. Sometime’s it’s a deep brownish crimson, sometimes it’s poop brown and there’s no classy way to put it. When he’s in this cheap cgi, he looks like a shit chicken. This gets to a larger issue though... the animation here is not great. It’s not TERRIBLE.. but it’s pretty freaking sub par for disney. And i’ve SEEN their other cgi shows around the same time due to having a young niece and nephew. Sherieff Callie, Doc McStuffins, MIles from Tommorowland, and after this T.O.T.S. and Rocketeer. I’m not saying these are masterpieces of the genre, but they have more effort in botht he animation and writing put in. Here it just feels like they do the bear minimum which feels really fucking wrong. These chracters deserve better and have thankfully gotten better. YOu can make a show for preschoolers that’s cutsey and harmless and still have it at least be creative god dammit. It’s why I don’t like covering this show. It just feels so.. lifeless. They try a bit here and there but outside of cuckoo, there’s nothing really new or intresting to really make kids love these characters and it bothers me. it bothers me a lot. 

Moving on thank god, the plot is bare bones as is the boys characterization. So far at least their character has been pretty consitent across all mediums. i’ts something I haven’t really touched on but their seen as world traveler’, Panchito being a Gaucho and Jose being such a ladies man this will probably happen to him eventually. 

I swear to god that was the only part of this movie I can remember. I’m  better off that way. But yeah without Panchito’s pep or Jose’s smooth talking ways, there’s just nothing for disney junior to work with so their just.. friends to donald who are nice to daisy. Which is very nice to see, but isn’t very intresting or gives me a lot to talk about. Donald eats a food that’s too hot, continues to talk poorly, and Daisy has to fill in. He gets back in at time and they sing probably the most forgetable cabs song yet. It’s.. not much honestly.  This was worth covering for completions sake but it dosen’t really add much. If nothing else it at least made me realize so far each mile of the ride has added something fresh to the characters: The original was the foundation, rosa gave them depth and made them feel like real people, and house of mouse made them feel like a big deal to other characters and made donald’s history as a cabllero part of his legacy as it should be. Each one so far has felt like it added.. this one just made me realize that and that is all. It builds on nothing adds nothing and there’s really nothing here other than MAYBE the brown/crimson design for panchito that carries over from the looks of it. The next two versions build on what rosa, the movie and to a lesser extent the house of mouse built. This one adds nothing. This plot is just.. inconqueintal. not bad for kids to know about them but even then it feels like a disapointing introduction. I fondly remember hte cabs episodes of house of mouse and even on rewatch they mostly held up despite some weak parts. This .. this will just be forgotten and I only hope legend and ducktales have done a better job keeping my boys alive in kids minds. God i’m depressed. Well at least this is over right.. right? 

Daisy’s Grande Goal

Okay as I said I was doing two, and rather than do this episode’s paired episode I decided on Season 2′s “Supercharged: Daisy’s Grande Goal”.. and cut the supercharged out of the title for the most part because why would you put the sutitle in your actual title. And only in some episodes. But yeah this season had a new gimmick, SUPERCHARGING... which basically means our heroes roadsters can go into super sayian tron super sayian mode and go real fast. They look real nice though and it has it’s own neat theme tune so there’s that. Otherwise the only other change is the animation which improves greatly. Seriously look at that shot above. That’s quality lin line with the ohter disney juinor shows. It’s still not as CREATIVE, but it’s not as slipshod as it started and I have to give them credit on that. 

So our heroes are in Brazil.. and as far as I can tell they drove there again.. but the diffrence is 1) you can actually DRIVE to brazil and 2) they have super fast super cars now, meaning even if the super charge mode has a timer, it can help with the commute. It’s also one of the boys actual home countries this time. I mean the episode isn’t built around the cabs.. but neither was the last one. Seriously I almost missed that: it’s three unrleated plots and really you could’ve just lenethed the bull and goofy plots a bit and left donald and daisy out. If your not going to use the cabs right hten don’t use them at all. Here though their used BETTER.. still not in the lead unforunately but at least them being on the brazilian soccer team makes sense as jose is from brazil and while panchito is it he’s his best friend, sometimes lover and always there when he needs him. So spending some time in brazil to play soccer/football isn’t a stretch. But that’s about it for their involvment: they say a few lines, are part of the brazilian team our heroes face, and we get Not-Donald saying “No Way Jose”.,,,

Sadly I can’t leave but the main plot is about Daisy’s Cousnt Almonda. She was in the previous episode which I did not watch but I do like both there being a valid reason why our heroes are here, and connection between episodes. While this season isn’t MUCH better.. it’s still better by some metric.  The plot is very basic: Almonda always wins at soccer ever since she and Daisy were kids, and it’s your basic “hero gets overcompetitive to finally win plot and learns to just have fun and to use teamwork heart of the cards and all that” It goes how you’d expect with Daisy hogging the ball and causing disasters and then a ten car pileup before cucoo yells at her, she realizes she was bad and also realizes Almonda had to practice hard to beat her, and ends up beating her through teamwork and you get it. IT’s not much But yeah ten car pile up.. that’s where it is intresting and rediculous as their playing soccer with cars. Which given i’ve always been an advocate for card games on motor cycles, seriously it’s not more rediculous than Yugioh was before that: in the anime and manga before 5ds we had table hockey but the puck is ice with nitrocylcrine in it, a battle with an escaped convict involving vodka and only using one finger, a chinese puzzel box that devoured souls, a dueling monkey, a whole hogwarts style school for dueling, duel spirits, our heroes childhood creations coming to life to help him, our hero merging with his androgynous childhood friend to fight the light of all evils, and on top of all of that, kaiba building a giant murder theme park soley to kill yugi and, even with how rich is he is, not even going to prison for the two months he’d get for that. My point is Yugioh is fricking weird and I love it so and card games on mortocyles is awesome.  Soccer with cars is alright. The teams are mickey, minnie, daisy and donald, for the US and Almonda, Jose, Panchito and.. Pancho Pete for the Brazilian team. Pete’s cousin. He apparenlty has a lot of em. Eh as long as we don’t get petkeem the african dream we’re fine. 

Why why did I make this. Why. But yeah it’s fine, not the best action ever adn the supercharge segments as I said look nice but as I also said ther’es just not a lot here. Daisy’s cousin is intresting, but likely more in the other segment. Here she’s more of a plot device to make daisy into an asshole for the episode so the plot can happen. There’s just not a lot to talk about> Hence me doing two of these. I will say it’s a better episode than the other one: it felt like more actually happened, it was more cohesive, had way more enerjgy and it had billy beagle... the series resident overexcited and loveable announcer voiced by the far from loveable jay leno of stealing conan’s job he gave him and last man standing, for some reason, fame. 

Overall these episodes are.. eh. The first one is kind of a mess, the second one is slightly better but these clearly werne’t meant for adults, let alone older kids and it shows. But I found some material here and made a horrifying combination of a terrible racist wwe gimmick and pete so.. I win/ I guess. I dunno, until next time, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.