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#i've actually genuinely written so much!
cerise-on-top · 7 months
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hi just want to pop in this request how would 141 react to reader who likes to uh.. chomp down on almost anything like maybe their arms? or random bites on the finger?? but its just in a playful way what would their react to it?? anyways you're a lovely writer have a good day <33
Hello! I wrote something similar to that for Gaz already here, so I left him out! His biting section is a bit short since that ask encompassed something similar to it, but it's there!
Price, Ghost and Soap with a Reader who likes to Bite Them
Price: He’d be so utterly confused if you bite him. Depending on whether or not you’re close with each other the scenario could go one of two ways: If you’re close, he’ll raise an eyebrow and ask you what you’re doing. If you respond with showing affection then he’ll be more inclined to let you continue doing whatever it is you’re doing. Truth be told, he’s not the biggest fan of you biting him, but if you’re his partner, then he’ll tolerate it. He knows you’re just being friendly and showing him that you love him in your own way, so he won’t say anything, but he’s not particularly too happy about it. Price doesn’t like how you’re getting saliva on him, he’s not a big fan of something like that. If you’re not his s/o then he’ll tell you to stop.
Ghost: Like Price, he’ll raise an eyebrow upon finding you chomping on him and will ask you what in the world you’re doing. Unlike Price he’ll be more understanding of it all and won’t really mind it too much. He won’t do it back to you in fear of biting your finger off or hurting you otherwise, even if biting people really isn’t his style either unless he has to. He’ll allow it and won’t really comment on it too much, aside from asking you whether or not you want an actual snack instead of him. Bite him and he’ll awkwardly pat your back, he does appreciate you being affectionate with him, though. Doesn’t mind you getting saliva on him either, he’s been through far far worse. Overall, just don’t bite him too hard and he won’t mind, but if you’re genuinely hurting him then he’ll put an end to it all.
Soap: I wouldn’t be surprised if he bit you first, in all honesty. Not by accident, but on purpose. Soap isn’t a biter normally, but he can and will bite someone if dared to or if they lovingly annoy him. However, if you’ve bitten him first then be prepared for him to bite you back. He’s not grossed out by anything, but he will bite down harder than you bite him. Affection like this is a competition and he is hellbent on winning. If you’re his S/O then he’ll also try to leave marks on you to show everyone that you’re his and that you’re having fun with each other. And by that I mean he’ll bite your cheek since that’s one of the most obvious places out there. By the time you’re done being affectionate with each other you’ll both be covered in bite marks, each one deeper and more concerning than the last. But you’re having fun, and that’s all that matters.
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prince-liest · 6 months
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You inspired me to write! And I got up to 2k words for the first time ever when it comes to writing for myself... but I'm struggling a bit 😅 Do you have any advice about narrator POV and how you use your verb tenses? It's like I have no idea how you manage to "head-hop" while still being an omniscient narrator so smoothly & effortlessly. And verb tenses. if I write "was" one more time I might pop a gasket lol. any help is appreciated <3 have a good one!
First of all, that's freaking amazing! 2k is a lot, congratulations! That might sound weird coming from me considering how many words I put out, but I 100% remember the struggle of being newer to writing and hitting multiple thousands of words for the first time - I'm so happy for you!
Second of all: I actually write exclusively in third person limited POV, not third person omniscient! Even though I'm writing in third person, the narration is fully from the perspective of the point of view character, which I personally enjoy a lot because it allows for a lot of unreliable narration and also characterization through how their train of thought manifests (choppy, stressed, dreamy, etc). That's why when I'm writing from the point of view of character A, for example, any assumptions about character B's motivations are what character A is thinking, not an omniscient narrator informing you.
That said, you still have to head-hop specifically to write the actual visible actions and dialogue of the second character, and that's actually the most recent thing that I used to struggle with in writing specifically because I got most of my initial writing experience doing roleplay where I was only ever responsible for one character's thoughts and actions at a time.
Honestly, the main thing I can say is that it gets much, much easier with practice. When you start out, it will genuinely just take you longer to switch from the mindset of one character to another! I used to take character notes to put together little snapshot profiles of character headspaces to re-orient myself between the characters I was writing when I felt like I was getting lost. They included things like a few traits to keep in mind, behavior mindset, and snippets of dialogue that I thought were very representative. I don't use these anymore, but I do still do things like rewatch episodes or reread portions of books when I'm learning new characters to orient myself to their personality. It's like code-switching to me nowadays.
As for verb tense: I was a consummate Homestuck, so I started out writing in second person present tense, hahaha, and while I've adopted the third person POV (and believe me, this took adjusting), I've kept writing in present tense as a personal preference. I like it because it makes things feel more in-the-moment as they're happening, because there's less grammatical fuckery involved when describing the past vs the present, and just because I'm used to it. That said, past tense is more common and stands out less to people, and I think that you are finding all of your "was"s a lot more noticable than a reader would! People generally don't really notice the tense of what they're reading once they get into the flow of it.
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deathsbestgirl · 3 months
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okay i'm gonna try this again because i think i can say it better:
my post about mulder wasn't to say he's perfect or literally never done anything wrong or to hurt scully. i'm a mulder apologist to the extreme (scully too if you haven't noticed), but that isn't what i was doing.
mulder isn't doing it *to* her. he's doing what he does, he's working, he's following a path simultaneously set out for him & that he forged. he isn't intentionally doing anything to her, and he isn't being thoughtless or an asshole. that's so extremely reductive to me. yes i keep referencing trauma, because this fandom talks endlessly about scully's and dismisses mulder's. (all that the path to hell is paved with good intentions.)
but mainly what i'm talking about is that he's not responsible for her abduction, cancer, emily, melissa, etc etc. like i stated in the post. and somehow, he's still getting blamed for these things? as if it isn't the fault of aliens & the conspiracy of men & csm. literally everyone except mulder because he did not have a hand in it, he did not orchestrate any of it. a lot of the things scully goes through is because of these men who think they're gods, who have too much money & too much power. and the other chunk of it is the dangers of their job. which scully is aware of and she still chose then fbi. it's literally at the core of why she chose it, even if it takes her time to figure it out.
mulder does a lot because of his trauma & because he wants to believe, and it's all stepped in love. the alternative to not believing is terrifying for him — the way believing is terrifying for scully. they are so similar, but still fundamentally different. their approaches, their childhoods, their perspectives, what they cling to. they both deal with their trauma in different ways, and one very similar way: diving into work, using it to bury what they can't yet face or deal with, or bring into the light (each other).
anytime i talk about trauma, i don't mean "every single thing he did was perfectly okay because trauma" — i just mean people need room to figure that out and it isn't something he does *to* her. @actual-changeling said it pretty well here. intentions don't erase hurt but he's never tried to hurt her, and she's never tried to hurt him. it doesn't mean it didn't hurt them and of course that's valid. but it still isn't even what i was talking about. but i guess i'm going to anyway.
a huge part of their relationship is learning to communicate clearly & openly. people aren't just born knowing how to do it, and certainly not people with their history. this is how you heal & grow. (yes therapy can help, but it's extremely hard to do alone. because healing in relationship, in my opinion, is the most effective way. someone who will stick around for the hard parts, work with you through trial & error. loving you through your mistakes & struggles, as you're learning/unlearning. and it goes both ways.)
mulder carries guilt for things that aren't his fault (as does scully). i understand talking about it in this respect, but that isn't what i see very often. it's how horrible he is for what he does to her & puts her through. when most of what happens to scully is because of the job & csm & the syndicate. scully understood the dangers of her job. in irresistible, she tells karen kosseff she's aware there's predators in the world, it's her job to bring justice to these people and she needs to believe she's capable. she couldn't open up to mulder in that way yet, so she dealt with it in her own way. (she does this with her family too, she's the strong one.) later in the cancer arc, she admits to karen kosseff that she relies on mulder & his strength — but the only way she opened up emotionally, with true vulnerability, was in the letters she wrote to him in a journal. that she intended him to have after her death. it takes her years to just call him and not hang up when she needs him, and really it happens in fits and starts and backpedaling. but they continuously try! mulder is always trying to let her know she can show him her vulnerability, that he's there to support her. and she does the same for him. there are times they're successful, usually at very trying times for them. where they do talk, they take physical comfort. they learn the ways the other will accept care.
in fire, mulder pushes scully away but he learns it's a way she cares for him. doctorly & physical. he touches her cheek in beyond the sea & firewalker. she touches his arm in squeeze, conduit, pusher. she runs face first into his chest in the pilot, he lifts her chin & hugs her in irresistible. scully covers him in a blanket and pulls his head to her shoulder in herronvolk when his mom is lying in a hospital, near death. they learned each other's minds, what comforts the other and what they will allow and it slowly expands. as does their verbal communication.
i don't mean that his actions don't affect her, but it takes mulder a long time to really understand it because scully does not communicate her feelings, wants, needs. that's something that takes her a long time. there are ways they've both communicated these kinds of things that the other wasn't able to understand, or maybe didn't take seriously because of the circumstances. syzygy, never again, elegy, fight the future, triangle, dreamland, one son. it's why, to me, it's important leonard betts comes after never again. in never again they struggle to communicate, they're not on the same page. the choose silence instead of talking about it. but in leonard betts, he helps her dig through body parts without question. he tells her she did a good job, she should be proud. he didn't get it in never again, but he started to and he did something about it. there are many ways to take responsibility and changed actions, voicing things that matter, that the other person should hear is part of it.
sometimes i just think people are very unforgiving of mulder's struggle, the way he is because of his trauma. and he always does something wrong that's talked about almost like it's unforgivable when that isn't true. even if he was selfish in the cancer arc, he's helpless watching the person he loves most die "because" of him. someone who deserves answers & the truth as much as he does.
it upsets me because it's one of the most realistic & human things about them. it's one of the things handled so beautifully in this show. it's often so raw, the depth of connection & effort & patience & love. despairing yet full of hope & wonder. it so often robs scully of the little agency she does have. it feels dismissive to only focus on scully's. to ignore every step they take together & apart, the ways they change each other, the way they forgive each other everything because they have this intrinsic understanding.
scully's entire arc is difficult to watch, but so much of it is true to the reality of what women experience. yes it's a lot, but it's a tv show. and a scifi horror drama one at that. do they textually cover every single thing? no, but a lot of it is weaved into their cases (kaddish is always a standout to me) and the acting (which if you believe ga, comes across so well in the script she's able to grasp the cancer arc through them alone, not having experience with it herself). there is so much meaning in everything on this show.
the x files is about love because everything mulder (and scully) does is about love, comes from love. and people don't always love perfectly or well. and everyone understands the world & love differently. something else i think is incredibly poignant about their relationship. they keep learning each other until their way of loving completely merges on the foundation of their trust & faith in each other.
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turtlespancake · 2 months
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me when i write a character who is prone to dooming themself and then they run off and doom themself. core traits are stubbornness and a willingness to disregard their own humanity gET BACK HERE IM NOT DONE WITH YOU
#rambling#surprisingly this is not about jakob.. im just really consistent about my favorite character archetypes 😭😭#WARNING THE NOTES ON THIS ARE REALLY LONG I STARTED RAMBLING#“ouhh i have a headache i'll just lie down and rotate my blorbos in no general direction for a while until it goes away” and then boom.#serious plot considerations. 2 questions answered 24million new questions raised. this is specifically Not what i asked for.#so now im sitting here STILL dizzy running mental calculations on how i can get this bitch out of peril without reworking everything#but they literally keep dying in every timeline 😭😭 every single plausible road leads to them running off and screwing themself over#“character who doesn't realize they want to live until it's way too late to look back” VS#“character who is forced to live and handle the things they never though they'd survive long enough to deal with” FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT.#fucking hell i have never had this much trouble writing a character as i have with them#they genuinely do just run off and do shit without my permission and then i have to pace for an hour or two wondering#“ok they wOULD do that. but should they. do i feel like i can confidently write that.”#im like constantly in this tug of war trying to get them to CHILL#but also they are absolutely my favorite character from the entire project. but like. FUCK GET BACK HERE#is death the most satisfying end to this arc? is someone who was Set on dying then NOT dying the most satisfying end to the arc?#how many bridges can you burn until you irreparably set yourself aflame too?#would ghost or revival plotline work?? would it make sense with the worldbuilding??#do i just Like Them enough to want them to not die?? where do i draw the line between personal bias and a good arc?#is death not feeling as impactful as survival solely because i've been writing for so long that it's lost the initial impact?#and other such plot considerations...#im gonna have such an easy time writing another character though 😭😭 because THAT character's dynamic in the second act#is to stare at character 1 and be like “why are you like this. i mean i know Why but can you chill. please.” and like damn bro me too#actually wait no i think kaey.a is the hardest character i've ever written i take it back#had to worry about his 20million facades AND his Actual feelings AND canon compliance. shit is hard#i still havent finished the k/aeya fic i started back when the chasm first released which is uhh. two years ago. oops.#i think i struggle writing emotionally repressed liars i think thats what this is 😭😭 anyways.#(voice of guy who has been obsessed with nonlinear narratives and tragedies for several years):#“is it too much to kill this character in a nonlinear exploration game with tragic elements”#like bitch what are you talking about 😭😭 YOU'RE the target audience here figure it out#sorry the notes on this are just my writing journal now apparently
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AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH STILL FREAKING OUT OH MY GOSH
Y'all I'm losing it
HUAAAGHAHHHHHHHHHHHHH FIRST DATE
LOL YEAH I'M TENSE TOO
AUGUHAH HE'S ADMITTING IT FIRST DATE WITH A MAN OHHHH MY GOSH I'M NOT OKAY LOL
THIS BETTER BE AN ACTUAL DATE BC THAT WOULD BE AWKWARD
SPFIENAIMCLS IT'S A GROUP DATE
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH EDDIE'S HEREEEEE
OR IS IT ON ACCIDENT MAYBE O.O
IS HE GONNA THINK THEY'RE JUST THERE AS BUDDIES O.O (BUDDIE LOL)
OR IS HE GONNA THINK HE WAS BI THIS WHOLE TIME BUT BUCK WAS THE ONE WHO DIDN'T KNOW
Oh my gosh I'm freaking out
I'm not okay
What the heck
(edit starts here)
Ope a guy with his hand
OPE OH GOSH
That's not good o.o
Not really matching your message sir xD
Oh goshh o.o 😳😬
OH GOSH BUCK
Me when I saw the promo again a little while later: OH MY GOSH HOW DID I FORGET THAT BIT
Gosh. Wow
(end of edit)
Okay, that's the last of my last thoughts, now it's time for the. . .
REVIEW
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I'm not okay
I LOVED THIS EPISODE SO MUCH!!! OH MY GOSH. This is the anti feeling to last night when I watched tgd and the end killed me for an entirely different reason THE GAYS ARE WINNNINGGGGGG!!!! I'm not okay. Anyway IT WAS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!!! Genuinely though all the plots throughout were really good and there were a TON of good moments. Plus the crossover with The Bachelor was GREAT lol. I need to go back and watch those first two minutes but I will update the post slfjdfhs. Now, I'm going to make a quick celebration post and maybe rewatch that clip if possible, and then I'll be back because I can't possibly put off this review xD. Oh my gosh I'm having so many thoughts.
OKAY AAHHH HI ME FROM THE NEXT DAY I was literally freaking out so much (and still am) that I couldn't do it and I kept procrastinating and then I fell asleep lol xD. I have continued to procrastinate (and I had things to do) but!! Here I am :)).
First though, I'm going to go back to the promo bit and add the second half because apparently I completely forgot about it, and I have since watched it a couple of times xD.
Okay!! Now, let's talk about some other bits of the episode xdd.
The Bachelor crossover was so fun!!! I've never seen The Bachelor lol but it was a great story, great call xD. And everyone freaking out SLFKGHDKS!! Maddie and Josh fighting over the call to Chimney giving them spoilers to Eddie siccing the girls on Buck to Bobby and Hen going 👁️👄👁️. And that poor girl xdd. Also the "Do I have to?" "I wouldn't" just killed me xDD. Glad she's okay though :)). Sucks she'll never have her chance lol. But hey, she got to talk to him :)!! Wild xD. Anyway, I think was a super fun thing to throw in there for the 100th episode :DD. It's also interesting to see a reality show crossover with a fiction show xD. Had a fun time with it!!
Maddie and Chim!! They were so funny at the beginning xD. Her sending the 118 was wild lol. Also I loved her face to him later when he was talking about how cool Tommy was right after Buck was complaining about him (😏😏) xDD. They're idiots your honor lol <33. Anyway, Chimney slayed on the calls today 🥰. Especially figuring out the head trauma for that poor woman! Nice job my guy :)). Also, I didn't notice it until I saw subtitles later but "I'm your basketball beard" AUGHWUOGIH!!!! XDD SLFJDGLKDS HE'S SO WILD FOR THAT O.O. Anyway he did genuinely slay, loved him supporting Buck lol :)). I'm sure there was some brother in law bonding in there xD. Maddie slayed on calls too!! I really loved her conversations with Buck though :D :)). The brunch one was sweet and kind of silly, plus the "Is it circled with a heart?" line was SO GOOD LOL SLFJDHS XDD. Idiot <33 (Buck more than anything but it's all affectionate I promise). Also I really loved Maddie's reaction to Buck talking about maybe accidentally purposefully injuring Eddie. It completely makes sense for her character and I'm really glad it was in there, it added some great depth <33. Though the storyline itself has depth!! Especially after the ending lol. Anyway, poor Maddie with her story about the Sarah's :(( xd. That sucks :'(. I do kind of know how it is (not quiiite as close) and it really can be awful xd. Dyeing your hair is a wild step xD. Plus SLFKGJDS "I would've changed both names" oh my gosh XDDD 💀. Also nice on her for calling Buck out for acting like a teenage girl lol. Anyway, love her, and Chimney <33.
Hen and Ravi!! We didn't see much of either of them this episode but they were great :DD. Poor Ravi xD. Bro had no clue what was going on with anything ever lol. He didn't even know who Tommy was! After all the drama he caused!! Poor guy's out of the loop (well for the drama he would cause, is what I meant) lol. They both slayed this episode though :DD!! Hen was great on the house invasion call and the Bachelor call :)). Love them <333.
Bobby, Athena, and Harry!! AYYY Harry :DD!! Welcome back man 🥰. Seeing him greet Athena and Bobby was so nice :'D. It's nice to have him back :')). Sucks to have a change in actors (Marcanthonee will be missed!!) but I'm sure he's gonna be great :)). Elijah, I believe his name is? Welcome aboard dude :DD! Anyway, his return isn't under the best of circumstances o.o. Love Bobby knowing, or being suspicious yk, and called Michael (they are my besties your honor 🥰🥰, I love them <33). Also really glad he told Athena immediately and didn't turn to hide it or anything 😬 :)). Anyway, glad he was so supportive <33. That whole thing was wild though o.o 😬😬😳. It really sucks so much that that happened :((. Harry didn't deserve that, and he was totally valid in his anger and wanting to respond. I don't think he should've beaten the guy up, but I get it. It sucks that he was to be a representative but that's how it is :'((. Hopefully it'll change one day. Also his conversation with Athena about it all and whether she cares more about being a cop or his mom OOUFGH O.O. That bit hit HARD 😬😭. He did have a bit of a point, but I'm glad he apologized <33. And that Athena was more understanding the second time. On a lighter note, her waking up him by pouring a bucket of water on him was amazing LOL xD. Anyway, seeing his reaction to the video hurt so much :((( 😭😭😭💔. It really is awful to see yourself angry. I only tend it see it in writing and it still sucks and is hard xdd. But HALLELUJAH YAYY he's not being charged, at least with prison time that is :')). And he's sticking around :DD!! I'm sure it'll be difficult with Athena monitoring his community service and such but I think it'll be really fun storyline wise :)). Also Athena having to tell that mom that she shot her son 😭😭😭💔💔🥺🥺. That was so awful, I'm so sorry honey <33? And that poor lady 😭😭😭😭💔💔💔. Her acting was amazing <333. It's such an awful situation and I hope she manages to be as okay as she can be :'((. Pooe guy <33 he seemed great :'( :'). Anyway, love them all (the three I said lol) <33 🥰🥰.
It's time.
Well time to talk about the rest of it besides that one part of the ending lol.
Buck and Eddie, and Tommy!! BROOK this was so wild o.o xD. The jealousy was painful 😭, but I also kinda loved it, it was hilarious xD. It really sucks that Buck was feeling left out, and I do think they were kind of leaving him out, but I don't think it was at all intentional. Eddie invited him to basketball several times, and the other things were things he and Tommy already had plans for. He even seemed excited when he thought Buck was going to come to the fight with them (which that bit HURT by the way lol 💀)!! He did seem kinda shady asking Buck to watch Chris but I'm sure it was an accident xDD. He's just an idiot your honor lol <33. I do wish he was a little more obvious about not blaming Buck when he got injured, but like, he was in a whole lot of pain with a possibly broken ankle xD. It's understandable lol and I don't blame him. I also don't think Tommy was trying to exclude Buck! H was happy to see Buck throughout the episode, he gave him a tour, planned to give him flying lessons!! It was just a really unfortunate situation and Buck wasn't communicating (as he admitted at the end lol). Poor Buck though through all of it 😭😭💔🥺. I know it was kind of on him for not communicating but it just sucks being left out :((, I totally get it. You don't wanna say anything and be told you're overreacting or for people to think it's weird, and you don't wanna be possessive or anything, but it sucks and you miss them :((. I know how it feels xD xd. Still, I'm really glad he was getting aware of it, and he listened to the help from Maddie lol <3.
I think the conversation at the end was a really good way of wrapping it all up. Seeing everyone's side (Eddie's opinion given by Tommy but honestly he wasn't really as involved in the problem lol), and having everyone apologize. Also then them hyping each other up :')). I do find it interesting to see and outside perspective to the 118! We're so used to the family that is the 118 and the 126 that we don't really think about the fact that it's probably not like that for most people xdd. It wasn't even really like that when Tommy was there. And it makes sense for him to be jealous over it!! It's completely understandable and a really cool perspective to see :)). Although I will agree with Buck lol, he's pretty cool on his own lol.
Now, seeing as I was freaking out and forgot half the previous lines, I'm going to say what I thought/my reactions to a few specific lines and everything as it started to ramp up xD.
By the way, I have watched this scene (or at least parts of it) like. 20 times now. And some of it I'm still trying to remember as I freak out once again right now lol xD. So keep that in mind lol.
When they were talking about the mouths static was hilarious xD. In all fairness, it wasn't great lol.
And then the Muay Thai (I think that's how it's spelled?), the after flying lessons bit and "Not in the same day"??? AAAAHHHHHHHHH!! That's where I started to really get stressed and suspicious and in shock xDD. I was like um. what was that. XD.
And then. Buck admitting he was trying to get TOMMY'S attention o.o. I genuinely wasn't expecting it but looking back on the episode it all makes sense yk o.o. Honestly I don't think even Buck really realized that was it until during that conversation, especially given his tone shift. And the Tommy's face afterward 😭. Bro is surprised xD. And I'm going to be completely honest, I thought Buck was saying "I didn't mean my best friend" there and not "I did maim best friend" until like the tenth time I watched it o.o xDD. The first one was wild, a self denial of Buddie because he's oblivious xDD. The second one makes more sense but is equally as wild o.o lol. He's realizing that just before he says it xD. And maim is dramatic but he did injure Eddie 😬🥺. Anyway, the next bit.
You know.
The moment.
"My sister says there's better ways to get someone's atten-" AND HE K I S S E D HIM!!!!! WHEN. I. TELL. YOU. I. LOST. MY. MINDDDD!!!!
It was so wild oh my gosh. You can look at my liveblog for more freaking out about that xD (and probably later in this post lol. And also in anything I've reblogged about it xD). I can still barely believe it's real. That it happened xd. I realized a little while ago that I have no idea what I'd do if Buddie actually got together, and I felt some of that feeling here. We thought for SO LONG,l we wouldn't have it, had kind of lost hope, and then BOOM!!!! I know I had hope for this episode but it wasn't SERIOUS, not really!! Hope but "I expect it.not to happen, no matter how hard I hope xdd". And we may not have gotten Buddie BUT WE DID GET BISEXUAL BUCK!!!!!!! I'm genuinely still so happy about that oh my gosh. I meant to make a post earlier but I was grinning in the hallway at school xD.
Now, AFTER THE KISS WAS SO WILD TOO AAAAHHHHHH.
OKAY I'm back for a third time lol, later in the day xD. Had a lot to do but now I'm here!
Anyway AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! I barely even registered the sus stuff they were saying beforehand because I was in such shock, and the same goes for afterwards xD. I was just SCREEEAMING!!
But!! Some of these being my thoughts having watched it 20 times, and some of them being what I thought at the time, THE MOUTH STATIC COMMENT 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️🥺 XD. Also we love Tommy asking if it was okay 🥺🥺🥺❤️🥰 :'). Anyway, it's the way Buck is just absolutely speechless. The only thing he has is the mouth static comment and that's it xD. All he had laid out lol. It's so cute to see him flustered and speechless :')). Also the fact that some of it comes from this revelation he just had (not just being a bi disaster, but discovering he's a bi disaster) is so good <333. And I just- YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!! HE'S F R E E!!! AT 8 ON SATURDAY SURE BUT HE'S F R E E 😭😭😭😭😭💔❤️❤️❤️❤️🥺🥺🥰🥰😎!!! ACCIDENTAL SUNGLASSES BUT WE'RE KEEPING IT. LIKE THE WAY HE SAID IT AUGOAUHUGIH HE. IS FREE!!
I'm so not okay over that <33
Anyway I love that Tommy does all the talking lol, he knows Buck can't and is short circuiting but he still has a conversation with him xD :).
And just AAAAHHHHHHHH THEY'RE GOING ON THEIR FIRST DATE!! IT'S SATURDAY AT 8 BRO!!! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND AUUUUAGHHHHHH!!
I mean I know you all do but you know lol.
Also Tommy telling Buck to call Eddie xD. Yeeeah, honestly seems like a good time to call and talk to him if he's on pain pills lol. Buck might have trouble speaking though, given he's still having a queer crisis xD. Kinda crisis, kinda discovery. Skipped some of that stage lol.
Buck's final look of the episode just destroys me :')). He's so baffled and happy your honor <33.
Now here's someone I'll say that I've been thinking of about the whole thing. Buck's tone changed, his vibe changed, something in his eyes changed, during that scene. Around the flying lessons bit xD. You can tell. I think he felt it, he just wasn't exactly sure what it was. And whatever he thought it was was probably terrifying (assuming he guessed correctly or knew lol). I think, if Tommy hadn't done something, he would've just let it go, let the moment pass. And, especially if he's done the same thing before, I think he would've pushed it away enough that he stopped thinking about it. I don't know if he has ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯. But it makes me think of a Buck who had Moments, who Wondered, and then dismissed them immediately because there was no way, he Couldn't. Or it was something he couldn't quite place. So he left it alone and forgot about it.
Idk. All I know is I don't think he would've made a move if Tommy hadn't lol, even if he was feeling the vibes xD.
Anyway, I've been genuinely so ill over all of this for literal days now. It's just past midnight on Friday for me lol. I'm just going so insane over it.
Today a question of the day in one of my classes was "What's a moment from tv/movies/musicals that impacted you?", you know something wild or epic or emotional or whatever, that impacted you. And, though it's far from the first time it's happened to me, I said this. Buck realizing he was bisexual. I don't think some people realize (though surely most of us on Tumblr do): This is a masculine, main character (honestly the main character) on an extremely popular mainstream television show, that after 7 seasons realized he was bisexual, and he's not a trope. It is profoundly impactful. Still definitely give credit where it's due to shows that have been doing it since the beginning (Lone Star, for example), but this is huge. They finally CAN do it. And I'm so happy for them, and proud of Buck :')).
Also quick note I just love how much Oliver is committed to and knows his character. The fact that he withdrew media wise because he agreed with us?? Wild. But he genuinely loves Buck so much, probably more than any of us, and he fights so hard to do him right <33. I'm so proud of, but more importantly, happy for him :')). He's been waiting so long for this and he totally deserves it, he absolutely slayed it <33. His acting was AMAZING, as always. I mean it's always great but this was just top both xD :'D. Anyway, thank you Oliver <3.
And thank you to everyone else on the show who worked to make this happen!!! And everyone in the fandom who fought for this!
I still genuinely can't believe it xd. It's just- amazing <3.
Also, quick think on Buddie: I do still want Buddie long-term. But I think Buck and Tommy could be cute, and no matter what I'm just excited to see where it goes for now :)). I actually kind of think it's better that Buck doesn't date Eddie first, for him and for us (a likelihood of them staying together). He needs to discover/explore/understand this new part of himself, and that might require branching out a bit :). Plus it's just good for him to get to be out there and live how he wants to, not worrying about endgame right now. I think Buddie will happen one day, but for now I am absolutely happy with this <333. I think it's gonna be great, and I am so excited :D.
One last scream:
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Overall, I really enjoyed this episode! It was sooo good, and not just The Moment. All the calls were cool and interesting, including the crossover, which was fun. Everyone's individual storylines were good, and even through a lot of silly moments, packed and stuffed with emotion :'). Plus all the little throwbacks to episode 1, and the series in general, were great and really awesome :'DD. Also, just thinking about the impact of the kiss being in the 100th episode <33. Wow. So insane (me) <33. Anyway, Buck and Tommy was wild but they were cute, I'm glad Buck and Eddie are doing better. I'm also glad everything got worked out between Athena and Harry <33. The situation sucks but I think we made the best out of it :')). I loved the Buck and Maddie interactions and moments this episode, they were great <33. I wish we got a few more team moments, or full family moments, for the 100th episode, but that's a small thing :) ❤️. I still THOROUGHLY enjoyed it and I thought it was just absolutely amazing.
So yeah! I loved this episode, I thought it was super great. There were a bunch of fun storylines, which I don't want to forget about in light of the last scene. I'm so excited for the next episode! This has been my review of. . .
9-1-1, Season 7, Episode 4: Buck, Bothered, and Bewildered
It was so amazing. I'm so excited but so nervous for the next episode! I'm sure it'll work out fine but it looks wild. I'll be back here next week for my review of. . .
9-1-1, Season 7, Episode 5: You Don't Know Me
See you next week!!
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sysig · 6 months
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But would you tho (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Helix#Schuldig#ZEX#And again the Captain implied from offscreen lol#Two little things ♪ One that Actually happened and one speculation lol#I really like Schuldig :D He's the likeable asshole type and his quirk is very well written :)#I love how he gets on Zelnick's case about his wishy-washy-ness in regards to xenophilia generally and ZEX specifically hehe#Zelnick has no good answer for him! It's so cute hehe <3#But then he turns right around and is wishy-washy himself!! I get the feeling his frustration stems a bit from relating hahaha#Or maybe Zelnick's uncertainty influenced him! It's not such an easy decision to make when you're staring down the barrel is it now :)#Openly attracted to Max's body and flattered by ZEX's personality and outright attraction to him in turn but the alien aspect is too much pf#Sure right okay lol - I have no skin in this game so I'll have to take his word for it haha#Secondarily speculating around ZEX's attraction and standards lol it sounds like an oxymoron but no he is actually a bit picky!#Yes he loves humans generally but he is actually tempered by what mind inhabits what body! It's so interesting to me!#I think it's especially funny how his various desires are in conflict with each other haha#Like it makes sense that he controls himself around Fwiffo - poor thing would have a heart attack - but he genuinely seems less attracted!#Which makes sense to me as well ♪ Spathi and VUX share several traits and were on the same side during the War so he's familiar with them#And he's specifically attracted to differences and novelty - it all lines up!#And then there's also his pride lol he tries to make more friends than enemies of course but he still gets petty and patronizing <3#If he's actually upset with someone /he's/ the one who would need convincing! It's all very interesting :3c#And then there's the matter of his own body vs. Max's body - he's so upset at the metaphysical implications of cloning his consciousness#I've never thought of ZEX in the context of the ''Would you fuck your clone'' questionnaire but I guess I know his answer now haha#Though I still wonder what his reaction would be to Max :0 He's probably not close enough to be ZEX but he is /a/ ZEX - of a sort#All his introspection about the body he's in has my mental ears perked haha - pity and worry for the potential life he's replacing#Discomfort at possibly being Max in some capacity including continuing to be in his body but also of overtaking his life entirely#And of being backed into a corner - Max is pitiful as well as pitiable! Neither of them want to be Max Vyer really#He loves humans but how far does that extend when push comes to shove ♪ It's been interesting watching him fumble through it :)
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giantkillerjack · 1 year
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Ya know. I spent most of my life with horrible painful soul-crushing social anxiety.
And after about 25 years of continuous hard work, suddenly, people started pointing out - to my utter bafflement - that I had, in fact, achieved my lifelong dream of being charismatic. I'm 29 now; I feel comfortable in most social situations, and it is a very rare person whom I cannot make laugh.
I am, undoubtedly, finally, charismatic.
But do you know what I found?
I found that now that I have an understanding of which social rules serve which functions -- Now that I have an understanding of just how much damage my awkwardness was doing to people, well,
I found that, actually, my awkwardness never really hurt anyone at all. People were just judgmental dicks to me about it.
Now that I have the skill-level to (most of the time) creatively vocalize what is in my head as soon as I think it and without fear, I can confirm once and for all what I had always suspected:
I was worth talking to when I was quiet.
I was worth talking to when I was awkward, and when the words in my head took time and patience to hear, and when most of my jokes didn't land. I was worth talking to the whole time.
So I just... I hope that if you've ever wondered whether you are worth communicating with, the answer is yes. Absolutely yes. Each of us has a soul worth sharing - and if you and I were talking, I would happily wait for you to speak (or communicate in other ways) without condescending, and I would never shame you for that harmless awkwardness that so many people feel the need to violently stomp out.
You are worth talking to. You just are. And you deserve people who will speak to you with kindness, with patience, and with the basic immutable respect owed to all people.
(I talk about this with some frequency, both on tumblr and in real life. At some point, maybe I'll gather all my thoughts on the matter into one post. At some point, I wrote about my personal experience trying to build my social skill. But I felt the need to say at least a little bit tonight after seeing this other lovely post, and I'm glad I did. It will happen again.)
#original#social anxiety#autism#that one post#actually autistic#self-diagnosis is valid - in case that last tag implies otherwise to anyone. i think it just denotes i am an autistic and not just an ally.#social skills#socially awkward#socially anxious#autistic positivity#autism positivity#like actually genuinely who does it hurt if i tell a joke that doesn't land? esp if the joke is not about another person#this is not a live comedy show this is life ya gotta learn to say 'ah well they can't all be golden!'#which btw is a line i use when my own jokes don't land and it usually plays pretty well actually. i've got a higher hit rate but#genuinely they just can't all be good! anyway i go into that in the post linked at the end there i think#people can tell when you're not sure of yourself socially and a lot of folks instinctively use that against you. and i am here to say that#it's fucked up that they are doing that and they need to step off actually. imagine getting to decide on which social cues are#acceptable and then using that power to be unkind. fuckin gross. i regret so deeply each time in my life i have made that choice.#being a kid who is abused like that so often it was eager to power trip when i met kids more awkward than myself. but it was wrong#and i regret it. and i am proud to say i haven't done that in a long time and instead when i find myself with that power i try to say#actually what do YOU want? to the people shyer than me.#i'm pretty rad now is what i'm saying lol#like all the ways that having a good social stat has improved my life just made me realize what bullshit it is that this was necessary#doing what I did is not desirable or possible for everyone. they deserve just as much out of life as i do.#side note: i think I've actually surpassed a lot of neurotypicals who had never even had to think about social rules 🤣.#like I feel no competition with other people who have struggled socially but now that I'm more charming than people who were dicks to me#I do feel like fuck you!! I win!!!! I can finally see enough of the full picture to say that your arbitrary rules were FUCKING ARBITRARY#I'm also aware of the fact that not everyone finds me charismatic but i am. in all the ways that matter to me. and I'm still growing!#note to future jack: you did save these posts in your notes app on the day this was written.#tbh i am often still awkward i am just not sorry anymore if i'm not hurting ppl. 'confident and awkward' really throws 'em for a loop! XD
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rotisseries · 10 months
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THAT’S SO COOL????? I’m not into video games but GOD they reincarnate and are in love every time??? princess and knight??? also I’ve been wanting to say this for ages but link is sooooo gender. you get it
so. they are in love in the sense that nintendo is queerbaiting me. queerbaiting me with a "straight" couple (they are lesbians). they are not canon they kissed only in the second ever zelda game when there was only the barest story and they were nothing more than pixel sprites and they have not been canon since. and because every game is technically a different link and a different zelda, each individual game varies on how shippable they actually are? like, I'm not very far through twilight princess yet but I've heard they're pretty much just coworkers in that one. the three latest mainline games though, they're like. they're pretty much canon in all but name like you could say it's platonic but like at that point you are running on loads of denial. the three latest mainline games are skyward sword, which is the first link and zelda, the start of the cycle. the plot ENTIRELY revolves around how much link loves zelda. cause they're best friends, hyrule as a kingdom doesn't even exist yet (they live on an island in the sky) she falls to earth and is running around having to discover that she's a reincarnated goddess (that's a whole angst factor btw bc the goddess (hylia) had to fight demise and she won but knew it was temporary and knew demise would have to be defeated again, and that he would need to be defeated with the power of the triforce, which can only be wielded by humans, so she decided basically that she'd need a loyal human knight, and so she reincarnated into a human girl because a girl is loved in the way a goddess isn't and she knew someone would love a human girl enough to save her WHICH HAPPENS so basically zelda gets to have an identity crisis was she just dragging link towards this destiny the whole time? did she truly love him? did he truly love her? are they puppets in this grand plan? "I'm still your zelda" she says to him, but is she??? drives me nuts) and he, ever loyal, keeps running after her to save her again and again and again (link is so dog coded there's a great botw fic about this), and then they defeat demise and he curses them and link is just some guy who went through ALL THIS SHIT cause he LOVED zelda. what if you were in love with your best friend and it cursed you and your descendants for the rest of time this is so francesca by hozier I'd tell them put me back in it I'd go through it again if i could hold you for a minute. and then the next two mainline games are breath of the wild and tears of the kingdom and breath of the wild involves an amnesia plot so you basically watch link fall in love with zelda a second time and then in tears of the kingdom they are. common law married. they share a house. there's only one bed. do NOT get me FUCKING STARTED on the hateno house. and nintendo still plays FUCKING COY zelda's english va has to be like "they... have a really close bond...." this is how I know they're queer you wouldn't do this with straight people. and then people also ship ocarina of time (most popular and well known game of the series most praised for its story) zelink a lot but that's an older game I haven't played yet so I can't speak on them. zelda is so transmasc in that one though this I know. I talk about link being genderqueer a fair amount and everyone on this internet knows link is trans but trust. zelink is t4t
#also I love that you said “princess and knight” like it's another awesome factor about them cause yes so true#but so many people are like “UGH the princess and knight trope🙄” LIKE YOU DON'T GET IT!!! IT'S ABOUT DEVOTION!!!#tbf the zelda plot is always that you have to save zelda and nintendo won't break out of this winning formula#so I suppose for a lot of people it just feels sexist and tired and whatnot#but I've played only the latest games so I'm able to look past it cause zelda manages to still be a really good character from the sideline#also. they're literally in love. um. why do you hate true love and soulmates#anyway TECHNICALLY they're not in love every time. cause. as I said. twilight princess#(also there's some zelda games that don't follow the standard plot (such as link's awakening which I've played its SO GOOD btw)#so there isn't. a zelda and ganon. so obviously no zelink there)#but whether or not they're actually romantically involved I do think it's critical that they are SO SO SO SO IMPORTANT to each other#in which case if they are genuinely just coworkers in twilight princess I do think that's a failing of twilight princess#ask#witch-of-aiaia#hi aiaia!#also. fun detail here. link is a silent protag and they tend to make him a bit of a blank slate in the games#so when I say zelink is in love I am simultaneously working with the bare ass minimum in regards to link#and yet also so so so much cause of the everything he does for her#zelda being a reincarnated goddess/from the line of a reincarnated goddess is so crazy insane to me btw#she's links patron goddess he's her ever loyal servant they're UGHHHHHH#I could talk forever about them. evidently. they're so important to me. only couple I've written fic for
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dimonds456 · 1 year
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Hey, y'all?
Making a character's motivs understandable is not the same as making them sympathetic.
Making a character's motivs sympathetic is not the same thing as making them redeemable.
Making a character's motivations redeemable is not the same thing as making them understandable.
From a writing perspective, you want to strive to make your characters understandable, yes, but that does not mean they have to be sympathetic, redeemable, or even nuanced at all. It might be good to have those things, but ultimately you just want your character to be understandable. The audience should be able to explain why your character does what they do in your work once they've seen/read/listened to it. That's it.
It depends on what your story needs and the tone you're going for, of course, but people seemingly have been confusing these things a lot. A character can have a sympathetic backstory and we can go "aw that's sad :(" but. Rachel, he still killed people. A lot of people. For no good reason. Sympathetic, not redeemable.
And even then, some people have been assuming that understandable = sympathetic, when this simply isn't true either. You should want your character to be understandable! You should be able to follow their train of thought, no matter how rocky or unstable it is, to see how and why they came to the conclusions they did about the world and thus why they took the actions they did. Doesn't mean they have to be #relatable or sympathetic in any way. It just means they are a consistent character with their own wants and desires.
And from an audience's perspective, this also means that RACHEL, HE KILLED PEOPLE FOR NO GOOD REASON, HE'S NOT REDEEMABLE-
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touhoutivations · 8 months
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"Unforgivable, unforgivable, unforgivable."
"Do you truly see yourself in such a way? Truly a pitiful sinner- one of the two greatest sins; believe yourself faultless or believing yourself nothing but fault."
"If you want any hope of salvation, you must be accustomed to change. You wish to know my verdict? A verdict is something only to be dictated upon the end, until then it is only righteous to for me to offer guidance. Whether you're right or wrong at present is entirely irrelevant- a conviction now would only lead to self-assurance that you need not grow."
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"Instead, ask yourself- what is the way I can change now? What are the good deeds I can do today? Even if it's but a mere speck, even if it's simply keeping yourself alive- we are more than the sum of our actions and thoughts- but it is actions that sins and virtues are established. Settle your head, steady your hands- and do your best for the coming time."
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atreldes · 1 year
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“Forget a footnote or a chapter— I want the whole fucking history book!”
A moodboard for my @infamous-if mc Rorie Rose, she/her, lead singer of electronic/synth rock band rising//sinking.
#i need to make a playlist but the bands vibes are very much in line with infected mushroom's cover of black velvet#no but genuinely infamous is the funnest if demo i've read in a long time & i'm super excited for more#think i'm gonna go for seven's route first ft not realizing you're in love until it's too late#or maybe g... or august... idk yet actually i love every single ro so far *sobs*#misc facts abt rorie: Knows she's one of the best singers around you can't tell her otherwise.#says shit like 'oh come on i was /born/ to be a rock star it's basically written on my birth certificate'#but is actually really nice & polite lmao she's just very self assured#def told seven they'd be bigger than the beatles & was only half kidding#the r & s in the band name is the name is absolutely a reference to rorie & seven & she voted to keep it a duet#always ends up taking her shoes off on stage b/c she always wears heels & regrets it afterward b/c she's a jump all over the stage singer#loves to be a pest to orion but really respects him & his opinion deep down#low-key a flirt but doesn't really realize it + is very physically affectionate. Will sit on nearly anybody's lap if no chair is available#(she doesn't sit in chairs properly anyway lol. always wants to be on the counter or something)#(*kitty foreman voice* she likes to feel tall)#toes the fashion line between bohemian & whimsigoth- if it's got a skirt & looks like something a 70s era groupie would have worn? she's in#has multiple ear piercings mirrored nostrils a septum & a vertical labret. silver girlie.#idk just random little bits! slowly fleshing her out & obvi more will come as the story progresses ^^#if: infamous
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winter-spark · 1 year
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I notice that even though Citron's my fave, I spend more time here talking about Orange and Navel.
I think it's fear of being wrong.
#I can say with upmost confidence that everything I say about Orange and Navel is accurate#that's a joke but I do feel like I can say “whatever I want” and not feel like I'll be horribly wrong about it#I've even discussed with myself why if it turned out Orange and Navel were actually born the same year as Citron it'd still make sense#that's not my fave age breakdown but if someone else or the game said they were I'd be like a'ight that's fine I guess#I don't want to say something wrong/inaccurate about Citron tho because the thing is that no matter where I go I'm the odd one out somehow#and I don't want to know what I think on Citron might be wrong I love him and so I'm extra sensitive there#I even have a whole partial joke post that no one reacted to (okay it's a ship post but he's half the ship so...)#that shows me no one agrees with me so I should keep to myself#also tho Orange and Navel are just easier to come up with headcanons for lol#But like like like when I write Citron he's actually the least independent to himself brother if that makes sense#(I'm not sure it does... it's explained better a couple tags down but I'm not saying he doesn't have his own interests#but rather some of his interests/opinions are somewhat influenced by his brothers & he's like that the most out of the four of them)#I mean I haven't written enough Tangerine to compare him here so he might be more but then again he's very opinionated and sure of things#so who can say yet#(I say as if I've written any of them much at all. Genuinely this might not be an entirely fair comparison but still.)#Citron & his brothers#as for how I write Citron he like like has approximate knowledge & mild interest in certain things bcuz he knows his brothers are into them#which is kinda the reverse of SenriMono huh?#but to me it makes sense for Citron because he doesn't want to be fighting with his brothers he wants to be on good terms with them#so I think in the back of his mind he takes interests in things and has thoughts like: 'maybe I can talk to them about these things one day#or 'if there's a point when we're not fighting I'll ask ____ about ___'#you know?#these tags are too long#sorry for rambling#I legit could've just made a separate post with them#but then I'd be putting my thoughts on Citron on display and that'd be scary so I won't move them#I'm almost certain no one reads my tags anyway#still. sorry to the person who actually does and had to read through all this#idk why you didn't stop but I appreciate you regardless :3#by the way did you know there was a 30 tags tag limit? I just found out lol
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tbcanary · 1 year
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yet again i say everyone who argues about what is and is not in character for jason needs to stop fighting each other and unite against our common enemy, scott fucking lobdell
#i'm looking back through outlaws for an edit#and like i have such. feelings. i have so many feelings.#this is the first comic i read! and there are parts of it i still genuinely enjoy and which tug at my emotions in certain ways!#but going back to it now after having read other things is so. like.#what the fuCK#WHAT THE FUCK !!!#it's funny to me. it's honestly hysterical. like i'm not mad about it to be clear i've been cackling over it for an hour#i think it's so. like. why did they do this. why did they give jason evil-sensing blades and a background with a magical monk society#why did they do roy so dirty. why did they do KORI so dirty.#i love the three of them as a relationship and a dynamic but so much of this comic is absolute nonsense kjvnxkbjngk#anyway. ANYWAY.#i will die on the hill of like. the reason why everyone has such warped views of jason is because his rewrites have completely changed him#like every single aspect of him#multiple times#and so it's really hard actually to get a grip on who he is! because like. do you want the bloodthirsty one who kept trying to kill tim.#or do you want the somewhat relatable (weakly written) young lost man looking for love and family wherever he can get it#or do you do what i do and treat them as two separate characters in two separate boxes in your mind closet#so that you don't have to consider the fact that everything about him is absolute jumbled fucking nonsense#this also goes for j/a/y/r/o/y. a ship i absolutely adore and love.#it's very like. ok which version of jason tho. which version of roy. it had better not be outlaws roy i will gut you--#i have so many feelings about this little trio. this post is brought to you by jason saying kori would never have to know life without him.#THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE PLATONIC. ALLEGEDLY. NORMAL BESTIE MOMENTS.#ugh. ugh ugh guhhhhgiuuhbngjkn ugh.#don't cancel me for enjoying some parts of outlaws ok. i have a complicated relationship it's not uncritical it's just that i love them.#text.tb
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rocksalt-and-pie · 2 years
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oh my god I'm gonna cry, someone left a comment on my fic (and a really really sweet one at that!!!)
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noxtivagus · 2 years
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I'M SO SLEEPY HFLKDJA
#🌙.vent#weekends r too short i barely did anything ngl but. i did spend time w my family n some friends lately so that's nice !?!#just thinking n oh my god i hate being shy so much. i tell myself so often i need to hesitate less! but#it's just so HARD. I HATE IT BCS I REALLY WNA JUST#😭😭 i can't help but feel really bad about it bcs. i really need to..#oh my mind is such a mess rn wait but i really need to hesitate less#ok that said it's 4 am n i have to wake up in less than 3 hours. i'm sleepy but. i want to.. write whatever. i need to#it's so hard for me to bring myself to sleep until i've. written. something#writing to my friend writing to myself writing for school i don't care i really just need to write something before i sleep#this sucks bcs i'm genuinely rlly sleepy rn but i can't bring myself to just. stop wtvr n finally go to sleep#it's so. tbf it is like 4 am rn my mind is so messy#i opened up a bit to one of my online friends of my.. anxiety of like drifting apart or being distant n all#n their words reminded me of some stuff that made me reflect a bit n#i know w like. a lot of my friends i don't have to be so nervous about anything at all n i#i'm about to cry rn i blame it on the lack of sleep n the sleepiness i have rn :<#it's just such a touchy subject for me i always get very emotional when i think or reflect on what i mean to others....?#it's a really really touchy subject for me bcs it just. reminds me that i'm. actually alive n human too yk? that. this is. real i think#i'm crying this is so dumb#it's so. i hate it so much bcs at heart i know better but it's just so hard to really just accept that. i don't know#how is it like to have /me/ in your life?? in whatever way?? it just feels so unreal to me n that. probably stems from a certain#loneliness that i've grown to be used to. n then it's the root of my hesitation i Think#it's just.. rlly so hard at times to. idk i can't help but unintentionally restrain myself w others n there's just often this barrier#i hate it i'm so afraid to be hurt in any way again that even though i rlly wish this fear wasn't there it's just engraved in me#n so i wonder at times. the person others know me as. is it rlly me or just the parts they want to see. an image of me?#i hate it bcs i know certainly w the way i perceive others i love them so much wholly but accepting that for me feels so 'selfish'#i know better but it's so hard to just break out of it n i feel like a burden so often.i hate it so much i feel like i'm rarely ever enough#& i 'have' to be just enough; not too much or too little. i have. fears of what wld happen if i really be myself if i wasn't shy n all..?#n then i rlly can be too harsh on myself at times. to do things right n properly. but life is imperfect the world is imperfect n it's ok if#if i'm not too right? if i can love others unconditionally then.. surely surely i'm not exempt from that? surely i'm human too?#yk what. i'll be fine when i wake up i think i'll go sleep n do the rest tomorrow. it's been.. a month now hasn't it? 28th huh
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jytan2018 · 1 year
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I read the comic in one sitting less than an hour after finishing the movie, and wow I have many Thoughts™.
- It's very obvious the two versions were meant to cater to different audiences AND tell different messages. I don't get why people are going "But the comic was better! It had more nuance!" just because Nimona was easier to root for in the movie.
- The comic was written back when ND Stevenson was still trying to process a lot of stuff, so all the characters are morally grey/straight up evil and the climactic battle is between a Ballister who regrets turning against Nimona, even if it was to save others vs. a Nimona who's too hurt to care if her lashing out was going to hurt innocent people.
- By the time Nimona got a movie adaptation, ND was a lot more secure in his sexuality, so the climactic battle was Nimona vs. the Director, the symbol of religious oppression and bigotry. It's not just about your friends turning on you because you're "too much" for them anymore, it's also about a society that would rather bring itself to the brink of ruin than coexist with you.
- (I totally get why people were upset about Ballister's surname change, though. Like come on, the media dubbing him Blackheart just to be mean was RIGHT THERE).
- Nimona's metaphor for not shifting is such a neurodivergent thing. Even in the comic, Nimona's parents insisting she's a monster who replaced their daughter is reminiscent of the changeling myth, which is what many parents thought their neurodivergent kids were—changelings who replaced their "real" children.
- Ambrosius being trained to cut off HIS BOYFRIEND'S WHOLE FUCKING ARM instead of merely disarming him is a very cop thing to do. As much as cops claim they're trained to de-escalate situations, their training still teaches them to treat everyone as a potential threat, and that level of constant vigilance can turn anyone into a trigger-happy/arm-choppy bastard. Even the Director, who can use a sword but probably hasn't actually fought someone in ages, STILL can't see Ballister reaching for the squire's phone without assuming he has a weapon.
- And on that note, the Queen getting killed simply because she was trying to reform the Institution and allow commoners to become knights? That's the best "no such thing as a good cop" metaphor I've seen. Because even if there ARE good cops and they ARE in leadership positions, the system will crush them before they make any meaningful change. It's not a good institution that turned rotten, it's an institution that only exists to spread its rot and refuses to be good.
- That's why Ballister's characterisation is so different in the movie vs. the comic. Comic Ballister had 15 years to come to terms with his trauma and the Institution's evildoing, while Movie Ballister is still freshly traumatised and hasn't found a way to define himself beyond the role he was assigned by the Institution.
- Not to mention Comic Ambrosius was not very noble to begin with and genuinely believed Ballister was better suited to villainy than heroism, while Movie Ambrosius never wanted the glory that came with his lineage in the first place and only antagonised Ballister because of indoctrination he needed to unlearn (which he did, all by himself, after witnessing the lengths the Director will go to just to kill Nimona).
- It really shows how important it is to surround yourself with loved ones who are open to change. Comic Ambrosius can love Ballister all he wants, but he'll still blast his arm off because he thinks Ballister deserved it anyway. Movie Ambrosius will stop to question what "the right thing" even means, even if he didn't love Ballister enough to defend him unconditionally.
I have so many more thoughts bubbling beneath the surface, but I'll probably address them some other day. In conclusion:
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[ID: A pink-haired Nimona grinning evilly while holding up a knife.]
Watch Nimona. This is not a request.
Edit: Added more thoughts!
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