#idk I flip flop on whether or not I like this

[lovecoredeity]

💖💒 here comes the bride~

♡ buy me a kofi ♡

[tauforged]

if i post a gdocs link to the silly little thing i’ve been writing off and on about laz causing problems on purpose in duviri and his horse being the pettiest bitch alive and lodun having a terrible horrible no good very bad day would you guys want to see it or would you point and laugh. be honest

[starswirly]

embrace the soupy-ness of the brain. Embrace brainsoup

[ * I love and appreciate you anon- ]

[ * But this is not something I want to embrace ]

[doom-dreaming]

i think the most frustrating thing about denning's characterization is that sometimes he gets it right. sometimes you read a couple paragraphs and it feels good. and then you read the paragraph directly after those and it feels bad again

[babygirlwolverine]

having a mini identity crisis is made just a lil bit easier when I have @passengerseatcas by my side 💜

[spock-adoodledoo]

feeling officially aro for now

[justalia]

anxiety? read this

the reason why i decided to write this is because i’ve been getting the same question multiple times and i feel like there’s a need to dive deep into this issue.

anxiety in the state of the wish fulfilled

the questions i get are:

“idk why but i’m anxious when i get in the state, is it normal?”

“how do you deal with anxiety while in the state?”

“why am i anxious when i imagine my wish fulfilled?”

lucky for you i’m here to clear these doubts.

short answer:

if you’re anxious when imagining your wish fulfilled then you’re not in the state.

long answer:

now let me preface this by saying that emotions do not manifest but can arise based on which state you are in.

we all say that emotions don’t matter at all because it simply shouldn’t be your focus to feel “positive” emotions all the time, BUT with your state changing you can feel different emotions.

what is a state explained in simple words?

it is a concept of yourself, an experience, a reality you want to experience.

with this knowledge tell me why imagining yourself to be who you really want to be and believing that to be true would arise any anxiety within you.

quickly!

tell me why something you so deeply want being fulfilled, true, realized would arise anxiety within you.

it simply shouldn’t.

when you step into the state and imagine yourself to be who you want to be, believe it to be true and then anxiety starts immediately it means you haven’t actually accepted that concept of yourself to be true.

if you had you would probably feel something similar to relief, satisfaction, bliss accompanied by a confidence in knowing you now are who you want to be and have what you want to have.

anxiety and fear do not belong to the state of the wish fulfilled simply because they belong to the opposite of it: you’re anxious if you don’t know for sure if your desire is yours, you fear if you don’t know for sure your 3D is gonna reflect.

anxiety and fear are born when you don’t internalize the law and doubt it.

anxiety and fear go hand in hand with doubt.

your anxiety stems from the same place that peace comes from, you are the cause of it. you feel anxious because you think something outside is happening, something else outside of you can happen and take your desire away.

how do you deal with this “problem”?

the solution is very simple, almost so simple that your logical mind won’t allow you to accept such a thing.

the only reason why you experience anxiety is because you have not accepted your true identity.

you may think you are believing it is true but you are not accepting it as fact.

you are lying to yourself if you say you accepted it as fact but then you go and look for it, you doubt it, you feel anxious, you worry about what’s gonna happen and how you’re gonna react if the opposite shows up.

only acknowledging the opposite as a possibility is showing you which state you are in.

i feel like most of you focus on states because it looks like a method you can use to manifest but you never actually acknowledge your true identity. you don’t take your time to understand who you truly are and without acknowledging and accepting your true identity you will continue to flip flop between states.

states are not a method, you don’t choose to use states. states are all there is, states of consciousness is what the world is.

different states of consciousness are different experiences you can have within, and as within so without.

states are experiences you are consciously choosing to live in imagination. whether these experiences be good or bad you need to understand that imagination is all there is, you are always living in a world of imagination.

every single experience you have/want is just a state.

without being clear on who you really are you will continue to doubt and reason your way into manifestation and eventually you’ll be finding yourself in what seems to be a never ending cycle of trying and self-sabotaging, filled with doubt, fear, anxiety and worry.

you put your 3D world on such a high pedestal (i’m not blaming you) and you don’t believe to be who you really want to be because you are “only” imagining it.

i say that i don’t blame you because i know this new way of behaving and reacting and thinking is the exact opposite of what we have always been thought:

the physical world is reality, therefore something is real only if you physically see it

we don’t know why and how things happen to us

we need to work hard to achieve what we want

be “realistic” the world of the senses is factual

it seems so unnatural to think that WE are the CAUSE of everything, that things happen TO us and not THROUGH us.

it seems so unnatural to dismiss the physical world as basically fake and not take as fact what other people tell you.

i know it seems unbelievable but it isn’t.

it simply isn’t and you can prove it to yourself by looking back at your life experiences, you can see how everything came from imagination first, you can see how you’re always trusting your opinion over anything. you can see it so clearly and when you see it you will feel extremely dumb for not believing it.

your true identity

i ALWAYS talk about this, every answer i give you when you ask me something includes this basic information but i’m not sure you take it as seriously as i want you to take it.

there’s is no other world outside of imagination and there’s is no other self outside of imagination.

you fear because you think in terms of separation: you think theres some other cause outside of you making things happen and you think that the outer world is separate from imagination, you believe 3D and 4D to be separate.

i want this to be the only time you need something outside of you for validation, i want this to be the last post you read to check if you’re “doing it right”, i want this to be the last realization you need.

there is no inner man AND outer man, there’s only the inner man in imagination living inside of a flesh body.

you are not your flesh body (yes, this is why you can change your appearance), you are not your brain (this is why there’s no such thing as making neural pathways or convincing/reprogramming your subconscious), you are not your mind (this is why thoughts don’t manifest), you are not your state (this is why you can jump in and out of states and why you can’t be stuck in a state), you are not your emotions or feelings (this is why you NEED to let out your emotions and not be mad at yourself for whatever reaction you had).

you are pure consciousness, you are I Am.

you are all imagination and imagination is all there is, the world of the senses has no choice but to mimic imagination, it has to, there is NO OTHER CAUSE.

if you’re the inner man living in imagination always and imagination is the only creator/only reality there’s no way that what you declare to be yours isn’t fact.

whatever happens in imagination is a fact, the problem is that we have been thought to dismiss imagination as fiction and contaminate our states with the world of the senses forgetting that we created the physical experience.

the senses are mimicking imagination and unless you accept imagination as the only creator of physical experience you will not be able to let go of doubts and reasoning. you will continue to worry and wonder “is it enough?” “is it really true?” you won’t take it seriously.

unless you truly understand that you are a figment of god and all you have to do is decide that that’s yours now, that’s who you are now you will continue to go back and forth between the state of having and the state of not having.

imagination is your creator and you just need to truly internalize that you can have what you want because everything in this world is your creation whether you believe it or not.

don’t start to wonder if it’s right to just declare something as yours, if you’re worthy of it, because all that you are experiencing is your creation. everything is created by you.

by actually understanding that everything is your creation you will stop wondering about what you should or shouldn’t do based on other people’s judgment, you stop thinking things “oh maybe it’s not right to manifest my sp, why would i force anything on them? it’s not right.” because you created them not wanting to be with you in the first place.

you are not changing anyone or forcing anything on anybody. everything was created by you and if you don’t like it you have the power and the right to change it because this is your life, this is your reality, why would you choose to experience something you don’t want if you can experience something else?

there’s nobody outside of you and you don’t have to ask permission to have what you want, you give it to yourself.

you are always fulfilling yourself with something, you are always assuming things to be true so instead of perpetually being fulfilled with not having your desire why don’t you just accept it is yours now?

the concept of time doesn’t exist outside of you, future and past only exist in your mind and when you imagine you need to remove the concept of time and only worry about experiencing it now.

when you fear what’s gonna happen tomorrow it’s because you think there’s something outside of you causing things to happen.

see how just knowing your true identity solves all of your problems?

there is NOTHING other than imagination causing stuff to happen, NOTHING!!! get this inside your little head and accept that the 3D is dead and powerless. it can’t do anything to you, it’s not your enemy it’s only adjusting according to you!

you can’t be in the state and expect something opposite to happen, it means you haven’t accepted the new state as fact.

tomorrow is shaped by who you are being now!

so why worry about tomorrow if the cause of tomorrow is who you are now?

why worry about the future if the cause of it is who you are being now?

enjoy being the person who has their desire right now because that’s all you can do. enjoy being it now.

enjoy being financially stable now.

enjoy being in a relationship now.

enjoy being loved now.

enjoy being beautiful now.

enjoy being intelligent now.

because it is true, you really are it, you really have it.

don’t “pretend”, don’t think you have to trick yourself into believing it has expressed physically because that’s not your job, your job is to dismiss the 3D as not real because even your manifestation materialized won’t give you anything you didn’t give to yourself first.

you don’t have to trick yourself into believing it is physically here, you have to understand that invisible reality it’s what’s real and you don’t need to give a meaning to the 3d which is only mimicking imagination.

the 3D is only mimicking the feeling of having you are feeling.

learn to accept a new truth, new ideas of you to be true and don’t fight the old state when it tries to come back, learn to be indifferent by accepting a new truth in its place.

[gojot-t]

How would they. . .

tie your shoelaces!?

ft. satoru, suguru, higuruma, maki, yuta and itadori

Gojo… would tease you as he kneels towards your shoes, acting like he hadn't been waiting for this moment his entire life. “Always so careless, heh. What would you do without your great and responsible Satoru?” Slap him on the head and maybe he'll stop. Would lightly squeeze your calf as he stood up.

    ✧ ೃ༄*ੈ✩    

Suguru… would make you feel like royalty, you never have to worry about shoelaces around this man. The second he noticed the ties loosening, he would kneel with a single mission in mind. You would feel his hands from your knees to your shoes, caressing them gently. If you had your leg exposed, he would press a soft kiss to your skin when he is done. :((

⠀⠀ ⋆     ✧*̣̩⋆̩☽⋆゜    

Higuruma… would take off your shoes for you after a date, your foot resting on his thigh as he enjoyed the closeness. The gesture itself is a little clumsy, but he has only the best intentions in mind. You can probably hear his joints creak as he squats tbh. The sight of a man like him, suit and broad shoulders, kneeling before you is enough to make your face heat up.

    ˚₊✩‧₊ ✧

Maki... she would notice in the same second if it was a little loose, but wouldn't mention it out of embarrassment. (She can't let you know that you occupy her mind with even the smallest things, can she!?). When you almost trip over it, she takes matters into her own hands and abruptly kneels towards your shoes, growling and gently scolding you for your carelessness. Just don't mention her burning face or she won't be able to look at you for the rest of the day.

⠀     ੈ♡˳·˖✶    

YUTA... respectful king. Another one that you never have to worry about your shoelaces when he's around. In fact, he loves tying them up and taking them off for you, whether it's before or after a date. The gesture makes him feel all warm inside (he giggles like a teenage girl in love internally). If your feet are sore, he will offer to give you a sweet massage. we stan the king.

     ࿐ ࿔*:･     ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

ITADORI... doesn't know how to tie. Who this man thinks he's fooling, probably only wears velcro shoes and flip-flops for their practicality. Another king who would notice the second the knot came undone. Offer to tie it for you, it probably wouldn't look very good and you'd have to do it all over again later, but it's the thought that counts. He's the type who would wait for you to tie your shoes no matter how long it takes, and if your feet were hurt he would lend you his or even carry you.

autor notes: help i hope this is good my brain is fried idk anymore, probably there's some grammar mistake sorry

[phantom-kicks]

Ken and Goro are worsties. They're also siblings. They will kill each other. As siblings do. But also die for each other, as siblings do. (Shido is their shared father)

Ken and The Phantom Thieves Part 2: Akechi >:0

I didn’t expect to reveal this so soon, but since you brought it up, Ken and Akechi are related in my AU!!! How so idk yet because I keep flip flopping between them being brothers or cousins. I already have scenes planned out for either scenario so it’s just the matter of time whether I like the progression of one more than the other. Either way, the two have an interesting dynamic as they’re actually roommates. Why? Ken’s “distant relative” decided it was time for him to return to his family (and to keep close tabs on someone close to the Kirijo Group but shhhh). By the time P5 starts the two have been living together for over a year and by that point, Akechi’s mask has slipped off. He’s not yelling bloody murder, but he definitely doesn’t grace Ken with the princely attitude he has in public. Things only get more tense between them as the PTs start to gain momentum…

Anyways, a little morning walk :) Akechi never gets proper sleep, but Ken is an early bird

Yeah they loathe each other lol

[doraambrose]

So, I know there's a lot of discourse in the Fandom about whether jason is white or Hispanic or whatever and I wanted to give insight based solely on canonical evidence. This is not to shame anyone's headcannons or anything, I'm just giving my own opinion based on facts I've seen in comics (but I know DC flip flops things all the time)

1. Jason being Mexican or Hispanic

There is no evidence to support jason being Latino or Hispanic in any way. Canonically, he is described as a pale guy with dark hair and blue eyes. His biological mother is a blonde woman with blue eyes named Sheila haywood. His father, though probably not fully white, does not have any canonical evidence of any Latin heritage. The last name "Todd" is northern English and Scottish. "Haywood" comes from minor areas of old England. Jason has been seen a couple of times speaking Spanish or Portuguese. However, he's canonically a polygot from during his time in the league and has been seen speaking Russian just as much.

2. Jason is asian

While there's also no real evidence to support this in canon and his canonical description does discredit this headcannon, it does seem more logical than other headcannons. Willis Todd's appearance has been consistent with more asian like features (I'm not sure that sounds right, but I hope you understand what I mean) . Though, he does also appear with pale blue eyes.

Though, with his last name, it's more likely that his mother was of a different race, but his father was white.

Another reason people use is lady Shiva in his contact book. Here's how I see it. When Jason and Bruce went to look for jasons biological mother, they weren't paying attention to appearance of the woken they sought out, they were going solely based on the s names in his dad's book. Why is lady Shiva in his book, idk.

3. Jason is afrolatino

No. Just no. See reasons above

4. Catherine Todd is Hispanic so jason was raised in a Latin household

Catherine todd does not have any canonical evidence of being Hispanic or Latina in any way. Her description states that she's a blonde/redhead pale lady with green eyes. Her maiden name is Johnson, which is middle English and Scottish. She has never been seen speaking any languages other than white and there have been no allusions to her heritage that suggest Hispanic heritage.

In conclusion, canonically, it's safe to say Jason is probably you're standard white boy. The other possibility is slight percentage of Asian or indigenous heritage from his father's side, but his whole family is mainly white and possibly from England or Scotland.

And I know I said I wasn't going to shame anyone's personal preferences, but why is Jason the one that's so widely considered Latino? And why is he being made a different race to fawn over instead of giving actual Hispanic comic book characters the love they deserve? This is done alot too. Instead of acknowledging comic book POC comic book characters and their own stories, struggles, and badassness, people are turning white characters into poc characters and it doesnt make sense to me. I feel like there's some deep rooted racism there that the only robin from "the ghetto" is the robin who "can't possibly be white". And that point is backed up by the fact that there is no evidence to suggest that jason is Hispanic or Latino in any way, so I have no idea how this headcannon came to be.

[toomanythoughts2]

This is a question for my fellow agere!Toki fans. Would Toki use a dog crate in his regression?

I'm flip-flopping whether he would enjoy a small, safe place while regressing or to de-compress or if it would trigger him. Like, on one hand, I think he would enjoy having a small space in which he made for himself that is specified for his regression and his enjoyment. He would decorate it, make it all comfortable with blankets and string lights and pillows, and just have a nice spot to relax when things get too "big." But on the other hand, with his past experiences in the "Punishment Hole" and being held in (I believe) a basement, I wonder if small spaces would freak him out, especially the idea of having a door and potentially being locked in from the outside.

But there are other ways to get that small space feeling, like the bedroom tents, and wonder if that would work better. Because it would still be small, but there would be no way of being locked inside.

Or maybe he doesn't fuck with small spaces period. Maybe he likes being small in large, open spaces to relax, like the living room or Skwisgaar’s minimalistic room. Makes him feel small when everything else feels so big.

Idk, I just love age regressor Toki. He means so much to me. I wanna pick him up and give him the childhood he never got. I JUST LOVE MY SON!

Anyway, thoughts?

[sapphic-agent]

It actually makes me a bit sad to see how Charlie is treated both in the show and by some of the fandom.

She literally has all the pieces to be an endearing and compelling protagonist. But the execution just kind of... messed her up in the process.

I remember reading a post explain how throughout the show she flips flops to being self aware of how Hell is and still trying to find the good in those willing to change, and to someone completely oblivious to the world around her and coming off as stupid in the process. And even going as far to say she's the worst girlfriend when it comes to Chaggie.

Now, I'm not saying Charlie is COMPLETELY faultless as I feel she could've been more aware of how Vaggie feels such as her hesitance to visit Heaven. But I cut Charlie some slack as it seems more like a writing problem than an actually character flaw.

She kind of got sidelined in her own show and I really hope they focus on her more in Season 2 and have her be more involved.

I'm actually really glad you brought this up because I was debating on whether or not to bring it up to you. Great minds think alike😉

I saw a similar post, but it went on and on about how pilot Charlie was better. But in my honest opinion, she really wasn't. Charlie in the show has a lot more spark and isn't afraid to stand up to people. She literally told the High Seraphim of Heaven that she was being unfair and accused her of being uncaring. She was VERY close to ripping Valentino limb from limb. And who could forget the, "Fuck you, you old bitch!" Show Charlie, to me, is a lot more definitive and dynamic.

This post also talked about how Show Charlie is inconsistent in being manipulated by Alastor. And I-?? No. Not at all. Charlie is well aware that Alastor has ulterior motives, how could she not be? However, part of her beliefs and goals of the show is that she believes that there's good in everyone. If Alastor shows the slightest bit of good will, she's going to be receptive towards it because she believes that someone like Alastor has the capacity for good. But that does NOT equate to her not knowing how manipulative he is.

The OP of this post used Dad Beat Dad as the prime example for this. But honestly? When Alastor is feuding with Lucifer, he's not making up bullshit. He lists the things he HAS done for the hotel, while Lucifer is listing the things he COULD do, which is why Charlie is more receptive to Alastor. Yes, Alastor wanted to get under Lucifer's skin, but I think what that OP missed is that Alastor takes pride in the hotel. Not because he believes in Charlie's dream, but because it's something he chose to do. It's something attached to his name. That's why he kicked Mimzy out, even though she was someone he cares for. And Charlie understands that, which is why she defends him to Lucifer.

I got off track, but I really wanted to explain that no, that wasn't something the show was being inconsistent with. It's actually a part of her I thought was written very well.

Now, is Charlie perfectly characterized? No. Like you said, there are a lot of things that could have been done better. I actually think this is a problem with women Viv writes in general. Whereas the men she writes have layers and complexity, her women are way more... one dimensional? Like she takes one aspect of their characters and runs with it. Like, compare Vaggie to Angel. Compare Nifty to Husk. There's a clear difference in how their characters are handled and approached.

(I can't speak to Helluva Boss, but from what I've heard it has some of the same problems)

But also, I wish people would stop expecting characters- especially protagonists- to develop in one season. ESPECIALLY FOR A SEASON WITH 8 EPISODES. Hello?? This season was Charlie stepping up and learning how to be influential and inspiring to those around her, which she's struggled with since the pilot. This season was her learning how to be a leader, and that's what she did. Her character arc isn't done yet, so idk why people expected this big transformation. Enough of her character was focused on so that it can be expanded and improved upon in season 2.

I personally think her relationship with Lilith is the key here. She's a lot like Lucifer in personality currently, I'd like to see how much Lilith truly influenced her

[transbeamrooikat]

some killjoy hcs/rambles :3

big fan of the HC that Ghoul has hearing loss like. look at that fella and tell me he has any sense of safety precautions

i also think he knows how to shoot his raygun and obviously has his explosives but if a fight ever becomes close range she just starts Biting

and that fucker can bite HARD he has dogshit dental heath (but that's pretty much a given if you live in the zones, i think) but his bite is so strong he often would rather use his teeth than scissors

also playing around (like. considering) with the hc of him being bigender? idk, thinking about that

cause i hc him as being raised in the zones + his crew died when he was young, i think he doesn't really have like. a strong idea of binary sex/gender/sexuality? like, i feel like labeling people is mostly a City concept, and killjoys just do whatever (although some killjoys do label themselves, it's just not an often occurrence)

SPEAKING OF THE CITY!!! i think Party and Kobra where both raised there and escaped together

Party realized they were NB and probably some flavor of queer when they were pretty young and tried to repress it at first, but that's obviously not health so it lead to them having really shit metal health/had a mental health crisis, but eventually they told Kobra and he tries to give them advice/ just be someone for Party to talk too

i also think they stopped talking their pills pretty young (like, i think Party stopped around puberty? so 10ish) and Kobra stopped a bit before Party came out to him (which is why he didn't report them and was able to help them)

Party's queerness is kinda what led to them leaving the city (i think there also may have been a confrontation with their parents that narrowed down their options to either running away or getting turned over for "reprogramming" but hey ho)

i think they would've met Jet Star and his crew pretty soon after them leaving the city, and they helped them to get to Dr. D

Jet couldn't convince the crew to let Party and Kobra stay any longer so they parted ways there

i actually don't have many Jet specific hcs other than that his eye patch is probably either due to an accident Ghoul caused or due to a clap with a drac

i think about a year after meeting Party & Kobra he leaves his own crew to go form his own/traverse the desert

which kinda leads to a general killjoy hc that they tend to be in crew with their families till they leave to form/find their own at around 15-20 (although some killjoys do stay in their original family crew)

there's probably zone-wide gatherings/parties where a tone of killjoys meet up to relax and have a good time

i flip flop between Party and Ghoul meeting at one of these and them meeting in some abandoned area while Party's doing a supply run

Ghoul speaks Afrikaans because i said so :3 (don't ask how it makes sense in canon - it doesn't really)

He reverts back to speaking it when angry/feeling very strong emotions (although it tends to be very choppy cause although speaking afrikaans is like his coping mechanism, he wasn't taught much of it by his family before they died)

I think she'd try to teach the other killjoys at some point cause it'd make communication easier, but Party's the only one who's remotely good at it cause they're the only other person in the group who can roll their r's

Party & Kobra r very shocked when they learn that other languages is a thing like. at all. cause growing up in the city they wouldn't have been taught that other languages r like. a thing ++ they would kinda also be taught at the same time that "everyone only speaking english is better cause then there's no error in communication ^_^" or something like that

idk whether or not i want Ghoul to be the reason they find this out… it'd definitely make for a good fic idea

like I said, I hc Ghoul as having bad dental health, but I think that also applies to Jet

Party and Kobra's good dental health is actually pretty unusual -- people tend to be able to tell they're from the city because of it

I also think they all have some kinda acne/acne scarring

for Party (and to a lesser extent, Kobra) it was a (bad) way to cope with the stress and anxiety of living in the city, and it became a habit that's still very hard for them to break

for Ghoul and Jet i think it's more a background thing they've never thought too hard on? like, oh there's red spots on my face now and some of them hurt? slay /pos

[midnightsslut]

I was reading all the discussion about cardigan, the love triangle and the 1 and idk I’m still not convinced that they have shades of Matty. I’m not opposed to the idea, but there’s just so much vagueness and connections that could be done with other songs that make it hard for me to think that’s for sure about him. Like for example the rosé being present boh in the 1 and maroon and we know for sure that maroon is about Jake since Taylor basically confirmed it twice with the tiktok like and the mashup with red. Like when I first heard maroon I immediately thought that there was maybe a connection with the 1, that most likely the muse of the song was the same. And with cardigan the fact that it ends with Betty saying that she knew James was coming back makes me think that the guy did in fact came back (I abstain myself from saying whether they got back together or not, Taylor says they do, but I’m open to the possibility they didn’t) and by the time she wrote and released the song her and Matty had not come back together, I mean it was literally confirmed last year when they started dating that they reconnected in 2022 and I see no reason why they would’ve lied about that

oh I’m not certain by any means. I literally flip flop hour to hour, and that usually doesn’t happen quite so extremely lol. I think the rosé reference is too little to go on tbh—I know she uses key visual images as symbols of different relationships, but rosé is also just linked to youth, wealth, having a good time, etc. i agree that they definitely reconnected in 2022, but there’s no reason why she wouldn’t have wondered about him before when she was miserable. like, she pretty much explicitly says she did on chloe et al. it’s not like she was in touch with jake, harry, or john when making midnights, but she wrote about them anyway. I just think that if there are multiple songs on ttpd about how she at least wondered about him a few times—yes, fortnight definitely comes after their reunion, but chloe doesn’t necessarily—and there’s a song she wrote about a film that was never made with someone who has a chosen family and meets women on the internet, it’s pretty reasonable that those two muses are linked. the love triangle/cardigan def has way more to do with joe than matty (again, specific imagery), but the 1 is a different matter, especially when you consider that she wrote it on the same day as hoax. she was going through a lot of turmoil in her life and resorted to daydreaming about a relationship that never really came to be. that’s exactly the story ttpd tells.

eta; a lot of songs on folklore probably aren’t about one thing only, but idk the 1 always felt kind of specific to me, and i could never pinpoint why (i know a lot of people disagree). she said hoax was unusual for her because it had multiple muses. she could’ve used that style of writing in another song she were the same day, but I’m inclined to think a ton of songs on folklore aren’t all that vague lol.

[oumaheroes]

Hello! Have u ever written little Peter with the UK bros and if not, do u have any headcanons as to how they would get along/what they would do when he’s over? Like Scotland carrying him on his shoulders taking him to a rugby game idk ! Basically, UK Bros + Sealand

PS thank god for u and ur big juicy brain I love all ur uk bros content SO much

I have far too many headcanons about little Peter and his strange father and uncles ;u;

I hope this little ficlet pleases you, Anon!

Characters: Sealand, Scotland

------

‘What on earth do you think you’re doing?’

By the light of a phone torch, Scotland saw Sealand start violently at the bottom of the stairs and press his fist to his chest in a vaguely England-like gesture.

‘You scared the shit out of me!’ He hissed in a stage whisper.

The boy was wearing long, light blue pyjamas; tatty, well-worn child sized things that England had kept about the house for the last thirty years in case of emergency. Whether emergency new child, or child emergency Scotland didn’t want to give thought to. Sealand been staying in England’s London house with him for a while, from what Scotland could guess, and he’d heard no whisper of him going back to his fort any time soon. Maybe longer too than England had planned for.

From his spot on the sofa, Scotland sat up enough to throw a cushion at him. It hit Sealand gently on the head and the boy glared at him, ‘What was that for?’

‘Asked you a question.’

‘I came down for a drink.’

‘Tap not good enough for you in the bathroom upstairs? And turn that bloody torch off.’

Sealand did so. ‘I wanted milk.’

‘Christ.’ Scotland flopped back down onto the sofa and crossed his arms under his head, ‘You’re spoilt, you are.’

Sealand said nothing. He stood there for unmoving for a while, as if waiting to be told off or shoo’d back to bed. When this didn’t come, after a moment Scotland heard him approach the sofa and then he appeared above him, arms crossed on the backrest and face dark in the dim light, ‘What are you doing down here.’

In reply, Scotland pointed to the ceiling. Sealand followed to where he was pointing and they both waited in silence until a large, rumbling snore made itself known through the floorboards.

‘Ah.’

‘Can’t shut him up.’

‘I thought you were in my room?’

‘I can hear him through the walls. Quieter down here.’

Sealand looked thoughtful, ‘You should have gone to bed before him.’

‘Wouldn’t have mattered. He’s had whiskey; that always makes him louder.’

‘Dad’s got special headphones you could have stolen. He uses them for when he and Uncle Rhys go camping.’

‘Do I look like I want more bullshit this weekend?’ Scotland huffed and pulled the blanket he was under higher up to his chin, ‘Bad enough with him griping about his fucking shed.’

‘The one you broke the roof of?’

‘It was rotten. I stepped on- you know what? I’m not having this argument at-‘ Scotland checked his phone, squinting at the screen in the dim light, ‘two o’clock in the morning. Now piss off and let me sleep.’

Sealand’s head disappeared. Scotland flipped over on his side, hiding his eyes under his hand as the kitchen light flicked on.

After a few minutes of rummaging and the sounds of cupboards opening and closing, the light turned back off and Scotland heard Sealand return to the living room.

‘Got you a digestive, if you want it.’

‘Nah ta. All yours.’

Sealand immediately took a huge bite. Scotland got the impression that the offer hadn’t been entirely genuine.

‘Are you going to be working on the car again tomorrow?’

‘Hmm.’

‘Can I help?’

‘No.’

‘Why?’

‘Christ Peter, ‘Scotland dropped his hand, ‘what do you want, lad?’

‘Nothing.’ The glass in Sealand’s hand reflected the streetlight through the curtain as he moved, ‘Just asked a question.’

A silence fell. There was something Sealand wasn’t saying, an all too familiar unspoken request that Scotland had encountered many times throughout the years.

He sighed and sat up, twisting to turn on the side table lamp as he did so. The light revealed Sealand by the coffee table, small looking in his baggy pyjama shirt. His hair was ruffled, tousled from a restless and uneasy sleep and he turned his face away when Scotland looked at him to toe at the rug. He reminded Scotland of someone very similar over a millennia ago, someone too stubborn to say what he really wanted but desperately wanting it anyway.

‘What.’ Sealand said defensively, meeting Scotland’s eye.

‘Can’t sleep?’

Sealand shrugged but stayed quiet.

‘If Arthur’s on your side of the bed, just kick him.’

Sealand conceded to a small smile but didn’t offer anything else.

Scotland swung his legs to the floor and reached for the remote on the coffee table, ‘What was that shit show you keep going on at me to watch?’

‘Ultimate Survivor?’

‘That’s the one.’ Scotland clicked the TV on and turned the volume down low, ‘Might as well get it over with if we’ve got nothing better to do. I’m not going to be able to sleep whilst Rhys is like that.’

‘Really?’ Sealand brightened.

‘Aye. And I’ll prove to you it’s all bullshit.’

‘It’s really not.’ Sealand joined him on the sofa and buried his legs under Scotland’s blanket, ‘They’ve got all these specialists-‘

‘Bullshit.’

‘It’s not!’

‘Nah, I mean what advice they give. Half is too pretentious and the other half’s all bollocks.’ Scotland settled back against the sofa and slung his arm over the back, ‘Like that Bear Grylls idiot- drinking your own piss. What an eejit.’

‘If you’re ever stranded without water-‘

Scotland made a face, ‘He wouldn’t know how to make a good fire if he was next to a burning house. Now shut up and let me focus.’

Sealand scooted closer and drew his knees up, ‘Bet you one of them will give up before ten minutes in.’

‘I reckon five. English pansies.’

‘Winner gets a tenner?’

‘Deal.’

[queer-whatchamacallit]

I just rewatched 1x02 of The Bear, and took notes to get deeper into these fucked up silly guy’s heads, so here we go!!

Tw: workplace abuse, intentional emeto

The staff at EMP wear white tops, black pants, and a blue apron which Carm continued after his switch to The Beef

With both the “why?” bit and “Do you like working with fucking idiots?” “I’ll do better,” the only accepted response is that a mistake was made and it was their fault

“Do you like working with fucking idiots?” “I’ll do better.” “Say ‘yes Chef’” both serve to paint Carm as a fucking idiot and to show Chef as always deserving his respect

There’s a constant flip flop between absolutely tearing Carm to shreds and making him feel like dirt beneath Chef’s shoe for the problem that occurred and making sure he’s keeping work flowing at a rate and quality that’s acceptable to Chef (which it never will be)

I’m sure you’ve seen the “Chef saying ‘you should be dead’ was off screen so you can’t tell if it was actually Chef or if that was in Carmy’s head,” and I lean more toward the latter. I know it’s plausible (which is really fucked up), but I just like the narrative possibilities for Carm starting to hear Chef’s voice. It sounds different too. It’s whispered, but Chef had to be careful about who heard that one more than everything else, so idk

His eyes are kinda hazy through the whole thing, and when it’s over, he stalls for a second before blinking hard and brushing it off. He still sounds kind of off-kilter after though.

There’s a time skip I never noticed before where one moment, he’s desperately calling hands, and the next, they’re cleaning up after service. Maybe unintentional but maybe slipping in a little of that s1 unreality and showing that Carmy misses time sometimes

Marcus just loves messing with Richie, first his cologne and second “DeVry, we’re serious about success!!” and he’s so real for that

SYDNEY: [mocking laughter] <333

Carm doesn’t actually clean the floors with a toothbrush, he had a rag which feels… weird. His floor-cleaning toothbrush is such a staple in fics

He walks to and from work

On his coffee table, he has an ash tray, a mason jar of water, and some clutter I couldn’t make out

“YOU KILLED MICHAEL” on the order tickets is an interesting one. I’d probably tie this most easily to the train of thought that he wasn’t there, but he could have helped, and if he never left, Michael would still be alive. Maybe he thinks the pressure of having to deal with him as a kid contributed or that his success as a high end chef made Mike feel like shit by comparison, but idk, there’s a lot of ways you could go here

“That’s um… a lot of words.” We have a work day here and reading about managing his business is not fast and exciting and Carmy is a little blood-sniffing shark, if he stops moving, he’ll die. Fr kinda love him for this but am pissed at him for just shoving it back to Syd

“Is my hair on fire?” I had to look up a definition, but Carmy’s starting to wonder if he’s just totally fucked and if The Beef can make it out of this. It’s interesting to see him so unsure of whether he’s going to make it. “Not yet, no, but you need help,” just feels nice. It’s both sugar-coated and completely accurate

I love Ebra for just listening to T rant about how much she hates Syd, and later, he just fuckin rocks it when Syd calls orders out. Ebra’s one of my favs <33

Syd with her journal shows the first signs of her impatience and Richie interrupting her with the inspector I think finally flipped the switch of her just absolutely despising him

Them getting a C and seeing everyone go through the 5 stages of grief is so funny omg

Syd breaking up fights and stubborn idiot-proofing by getting the right caulk was so hot girl of her

“Fak, fix that fuckin sound.” I want to know what made the difference between this and the “I don’t mind it” alarm during the s2 Cicero meeting

“He’s a baby. Don’t get Carmen into trouble, y’know? I was a baby too once, Sydney. Nobody gave a fuck.” This is pretty self explanatory, but… yeah ouch

Carm’s willing to vent to Jimmy about work with the slightest encouragement. Might point to them having a closer relationship, or maybe Carm would vent about work to whoever will listen

“I asked you where you’ve been.” So he hasn’t seen Cicero or his mom since moving back, and I feel like him and Nat had at least texted or called before 1x01 but probably not seen each other, could be wrong on that though. So he just dove headfirst into the restaurant the second he got back to Chicago, and hasn’t even talked to the family he’s been self-isolating from for the past 5 years

I love Carm’s phone password being 11111

Edit: I’m watching this ep yet again, and the flowers on the table in the scene with Pete are the same from his cooking show dream in 1x08!!! Maybe tying in that he feels like his slow breakdown is being seen by everyone he knows, not just those connected just by cooking. Or maybe it’s connecting his conversation with Sugar to how he was also struggling especially hard at the time of the dream, but then, I feel like it would be in Sugar’s kitchen when they’re talking about it. Idk but I love this detail a lot

Sugar doesn’t seem to treat Pete super great :’(. She kinda pushes him away after he hands her the phone, and he instantly assumes that she’s telling him to shut the fuck up. She is the sibling trying hardest to change and be healthier, but she did indeed inherit that Berzatto temper and fast pace to the point of rudeness

Carm’s “Did you hear I apologized? :D” is so funny to me

Carm will vent to Sugar when something happens that’s more in the mental side of things. He wants to be casual about it, doesn’t want to think too hard into how deeply fucked he is, but he needed to talk to someone about almost setting his apartment on fire

Apparently he sleep cooks “sometimes,” and that wasn’t the only time

We know that the breathing difficulties started “sometime in New York maybe?” and I feel like crying out of nowhere is a little more recent, but the nightmares could’ve started at any time, or maybe he was saying New York for all 3, who knows

“I don’t want to bother you.” When considering who to tell what, he does consider his perceived burden on the other person

“I was throwing up every day before work… kinda dug it.” This quote has naturally festered in my brain for the past couple months because it says so much about him. He experiences stress nausea and maybe it became an intentional way of gaining control and consistency in an environment that fought so hard to make him feel faceless and powerless. It shows how far he is willing to go for this. He’ll do whatever it takes, including making himself vomit from anxiety. In his mind, it helps him become a better chef. Could also illustrate his likely connection between perfection and suffering. He kinda dug it. He felt like that self-destruction was necessary for him to excel. I could go on all day

He stayed there because “People loved the food. It felt good.” Here’s his stated motivation. His actual motivation is some messed up combination of that and lot of stuff he talks about in his Al-Anon speech: the excitement of being that good at something for once, just keeping going, hoping that one day, Mikey would acknowledge how good he was at it. People loving the food was confirmation that he was really fucking good at this. More than anything though, he wanted Mike to love the food

When the health inspector reveals that a pack of cigarettes was left by the stove, it doesn’t cross his mind that it was him. He was the CDC at EMP, he wouldn’t make a mistake like that, but he did, and now, this is just reinforcing how fucked everything’s gotten, especially himself. He’s just the type of person who leaves cigarettes by stovetops now

And yeah, that’s 1x02 - Hands all good and done!! Again, I don’t know how far I’ll get with these, but they’re very fun