#idk man shit like that..... keeping that forever idk if it's dumb to keep when i have no use for it lmao

[kangaracha]

so tired so, so tired. tired. i'm tired. i'm awake but i'm tired but i would like LEISURE TIME but i am tired but i didn't even finish all my Tasks, my Learning. so tired

[crossbackpoke-check]

I'm sorry to tell you the 313 tat is ostensibly because he.... is an Eminem stan...

dear anon can i please return this cursed knowledge! currently dragging my hands down my face thank you so much!

the 3-1-3 tat in question, in case anyone else wanted to suffer :)))))

[kuiinncedes]

kdhsdfjk

[ratskinsuit]

Could u do a pegging lucifer fic? And the (dom gn) reader is being extra mean to him and just degrading the shit outa him, and he’s just kinda crying begging for praise

Fucked Dumb

A/N: feels like forever since I wrote a smut fic lol. Times flying byyyy, sorry i haven’t been good with request recently I’ve just been working on my Ocs (plz I have so many I need to stop) and school blah blah blah. Hope you enjoyed!

Tags: Also consent is not states here but it was stated before you two do have a system, Aftercare is slightly mentioned, smut, pegging, nsfw, begging, brain fuck, sub Lucifer x reader, lil bit of blood play? (I think- idk reader licks up some blood from his chin)

MDNI

——————————————————————— P-lease agh- ha ah.. ngh darling PLE-ase…” Lucifer sobs, tears streaming down his face as you slam into him. His breath heavy.

You have him on the edge of the bed, legs spread as your strap pounds in and out of him at a fast pace.

All day he was begging for you to touch him, knowing you were busy with some important work. He kept persisting, sitting in your lap, “hugging” you from behind as he sits against you. Walking around in stupidly tight clothes.

You breaking point however was at the end of the day, when he was testing you all through a work call you had. Running his fingers up and down your thighs, holding your hand, slowly inching it towards his hard on.

So as soon as the call ended you slammed him against the mattress, his face going red with surprise, having not expected it.

You tied his hands together and left him there to go get your strap. A couple minutes later your fucking his brains out while he’s sobs on hour dick. Bringing you to now.

“Oh no no no. You w-anted to be a little fucker all day, practically humping me every time you got close enough. So now take it bitch.” You hiss, a particularly hard thrust earning a wail from the ruined man under you.

Lucifer’s hands are tied together above his head with a pretty red ribbon. It’s tight enough to keep him from wiggling but not enough to cut his circulation.

His hair is sweaty, sticking to his forehead and jutting out everywhere. Sweat drips down his face. His eyes are rolled back, twitching and blown out. His eyebrows are scrunched together in concentration, going from relaxed to tense every other second.

His mouth is wide open, your almost convinced a fly will go into it. Drool is running down his chin, flying everywhere as moans and begging tumble out. What he’s begging for; I don’t think even he knows.

“Pl- darlin- agh hng…AH hA! Fu-uck Hng…” Lucifer lets out a wail as you hit a particular spot inside of him, causing the sheets he’s gripping to rip.

He’s sobbing, as you continue to mash up his insides. He shudders, letting out an in-human sound as he orgasms for the 5th time this night.

“That’s five fu-cking times this night whore… hah… fuck, god that’s just sad. I’ve only come once? Needy bitch.” You tease as he writhes and shakes the bed, his orgasm washing over him.

He’s already came so much tonight, but still has more, coating the two of you.

He sputters, begging for a break as he can’t make out sentences. You watch as the king of hell moans and cries beneath you.

The sheets are ripped up under his hands, eyes completely rolled back. You see a trail of blood leaking from his mouth, and lean forward, licking it up with a swipe of your tongue.

You lean to him, forcing him into a hot kiss, that he tries to reciprocate but all he does is tangle his tongue with yours and drool all over himself.

You let out a laugh as you speed up, Lucifer choking on his own spit under you. “Fu-ck your so dumb-fucked you can’t even kiss you properly.

As quick as it had ended he tenses and cums again on his own chest.

“Dar- AH fu-hng… ple- I can- n’t hm.. m’be… been s’ch a goo-agh- good boy… plea-SE” He pleads at you, desperate for some relief.

You decide to take pity on him, and finish yourself off. You know he can take degradation but sometimes when he’s so far into subspace he gets really upset if you do it go much.

“Du-ont worry honey, your doing amazing, give me one m-more okay darling? M-..I wanna c-cum to, is that okay pr..etty boy?” You coo at him, and he nods frantically as you speed up,

“can- m’ make.. you cu- OH.. plea- you c-cu..m”he tries speaking but fails and you just shush him, untying his hands quickly. As soon as the are free he grabs your hand with one and squeezes tightly, the other going to your waist.

He’s babbling by this point, words and curses stringing together in noncence sentences, while you praise and coo at him. “Doing g-great my love, handsome boy. Go-nana make me come so hard…since your doing so-o amazingly..” he whimpers, reaching for your face and you lean and kiss him.

Him, having just cum, and you having been edging up to it. The two of you reach your orgasm quickly. You are locked in a kiss right as it hits you both like a freight trains.

Lucifer falls back, twitching and shuddering violently with his mouth wide open in a silent scream. You shake with your and collapse on top of him as you relish in the aftershocks.

After a couple of seconds, you sit up and pull out of him, him whincing a bit.

You throw the strap off to the side and go to the edge of the bed by Lucifer head. You push his hair out of his face and soothe his burning skin.

“You did so great my love, are you okay?” You ask, Lucifer gives a little nod. “Mhm’ I… agh fuck, can’t hng… feel my legs…” you giggle and crawl in next to him.

Even though the two of you were very sweaty, you held him as he closed his eyes, the two of you embraced together. “M…love you..” he murmurs, and you give him a kiss.

———————————————————————

A/N: As said in my other post I will be busy for a while after this, not going on hiatus just slow updates. I just wanted to get this out because I had it halfway done. Hope you enjoyed!

REQUESTS ARE OPEN

[elliesmistress]

EPISODE 1: PILOT

WARNINGS: 18+, heavy drug usage (cocaine, weed, alcohol, etc), oral sex (R, E, D, A, ETC), tribbing, overdoses (reader), mentions of overdoses, angst, EVERYONE WILL BE IN COLLEGE AS EUPHORIA IS SET IN HIGHSCHOOL!, mentions of self harm, Jules will be transgender (same in the show, except sex won't be with her), shoplifting, mentions of death, NATE and his family will most likely be left out of this completely and set with new characters that are less toxic, dealer!ellie (sometimes), drug deals, swearing, less abusive relationships but still toxic, mentions of rehab, rehab (detox), death, degradation, toxic sex, rough sex, strap usage, strap sucking, mentioning of 9/11, lmk if I missed anything please!

a/n: this will be VERY similar to Euphoria, you will be RUE (Due to it being "your" story I will be writing it with 'I' as Rue talks). I just need to figure out where abby, dina, jesse, etc will fit into the story. I do know abby will be CAT very likely all the characters will be the exact same (besides from Nate and his parents) I've struggled with a few of the problems in Euphoria and I've written my own fic about MY addictions but I figured I'd do Euphoria too hehe, I will be removing the SA parts of the story because that's just something I don't want to have on my page. Please let me know if you want to be on the taglist whilst I actually have inspo to write :) 3.8K WORDS, spell checked and shit idk man it's like 4 hours past my bed time and 1am

I WILL BE MAKING A EUPHRIA PLAYLIST FOR EACH CHAPTER!

Taglist: @snowy-vee , @vqxen @pedropascalsbbg

PRESENT DAY

"I was once happy, content, sloshing around in my own private primordial pool." I am standing in front of hundreds of people who are here listening to my story—to say the very least, I was nervous. I always have been a fucking addict, and now I'm telling my story of how I recovered from this fucking disease that ruined my fucking life.

"Then one day, for reasons beyond my control, I was repeatedly crushed." I blink my eyes, looking at the floor, struggling to find the right words: "over and over by the cruel cervix of my mother, Grace."

"I put up a good fight, but I lost, for the first time, and definitely not my last... I was born three days after 9/11."

Memories flood back to when I could hear the TV going on the day I was born.

"I can hear you; I can hear you; the rest of the world hears you; and the people who knocked these buildings down will hear all of us soon." The unknown man says on the TV that hearing the words "USA, USA!" being chanted over and over again made me cry as a baby. Those chants will forever haunt me.

"My mom and dad spent two days in the hospital, holding me under the soft glow of the television, watching the towers fall over and over again, until the feelings of grief gave way to numbness." I shift uncomfortably in the silence of the audience, glancing at my good friends Jesse and Ellie, who indicate for me to keep talking. A soft chuckle comes from my lips as I continue on with the story.

"And then," I take a deep breath, "without warning, we moved to a friendly neighborhood in the suburbs, to where a middle-class child, me to be exact, was looking up at the ceiling, counting those fucking numbers like I could fucking see them. Over and over again. 'thirteen... fourteen... fifteen... sixteen."

"My mother looked up at that ceiling like I was fucking crazy; the words she said echo through my dumb brain still: 'What are you looking at, y/n?'" "I kept counting, trying my hardest to ignore her. She said to me, 'y/n, look at me."

I chuckle. "I bet you all know where this is going. I kept counting, but from the start," and my smile dropped immediately.

"I remember breaking down and crying when my mother tried to snap me out of it. I wanted... I had nothing but to cry, so that's what I did. I sat in a doctor's office a few weeks later with my mother crying next to me as the doctor said I could be suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder, attention deficit disorder, general anxiety disorder, and possible bipolar disorder." I put my hand up close to the mic to cup it. "But I was a little too young to tell," I said in a joking tone, cracking a laugh from the crowd. "Y'all get me; y'all fucking get me."

"With this being said, I was put on medication to treat half of the disorders I had, and to be honest, I don't remember much between the ages of 8 and 12. Just that the world moves fast and my brain moves so fucking slowly."

"I would sit my fucking ass in class every day and try my hardest to listen to what that fucking teacher was trying to teach, but sometimes I would focus on my breathing a little too hard. I'd die. That teacher held a bag to my mouth to calm my breathing, though it never really helped. I remember trying to outrun my anxiety every day, looking in the mirror and trying to push my stomach in so I wouldn't look "fat."

"I would constantly get messages from people telling me they wanted to kill me, drug me, make fun of me, and bully me. My mother knew something was up and constantly asked me what was wrong, but I always gave the same response: 'I'm just fucking exhausted."

AGE 19 (college years)

"You said the doctor was in our network. How could he suddenly be out of network?" I hear my mother say as I walk out of my room into the kitchen, "I can't afford it" Grace says.

"did you see the beauty queen who got acid thrown in her face?" My sister says as I begin to lean on the dinning room table. "Mm, what? No" I say, turning my attention to her and out of my trance. "it's pretty fucked up." She says holding up her phone. "Hey, Mom, you got any tampons?" I turned my head to face her as she looked at the documents in her hand, I knew full well I wasn't going to be getting tampons but she didn't need to know that shit.

"in my bathroom, under the sink." She replies back, I swiftly make my way to the bathroom.

I enter her bathroom and cough as I open her medicine cabinet to take a few of her Alprazolam (XANAX) pills.

I would do this countless times, and surprisingly at some point, you make a choice about who you are and what you want in life.

I pretend to flush the toilet and I look at the picture in my mother's bathroom- it had my dad and my Mom on it on their wedding day.

I look at myself in the mirror washing my hands and putting on sunglasses to hide my pupils that are almost as big as my actual eye itself- I get out of the bathroom to go back into the kitchen

"alright, Jayda, let's roll." I say to my sister as she looks at me and frowns, probably these fucking sunglasses.

"y/n, did you eat breakfast?" Grace says, moving the phone away from her mouth. "I had coffee!" I yell out, opening the front door and making my way out.

Jayda and I begin to walk down the sidewalk, she turns her attention onto me and asks what's with the sunglasses.

"what sunglasses?" I say and chuckle, Jayda laughs with me.

We both make our way to the bus and wait for it to arrive, once it arrives we get on the bus and make our way to the back of the bus.

I guess... I showed up one day, without a map or a compass... Or to be honest, anyone capable of giving on iota of good fucking advice. And I know it all may seem sad, but guess what? I didn't build this system nor did I fuck it up.

I was sitting at a party, with a galaxy book to my knees and a line of cocaine, holding the perfectly rolled 5 dollar bill that had been rolled by some rando.

I snort the line of cocaine and immediately felt the pain in my nose, moving my hand up to my nose and applying pressure to where it is painful, making my breathing hitch, then speeding up my breathing in order to get rid of the pain.

My pupils immediately shot big, looking around—everything felt good, my mind at ease and nothing to worry about. I sit up with the most unreal experience, an out-of-body feeling as I struggle to get up.

"y/n, you good?" My friend Ellie attempts to hold my shoulders to steady me as I wobble slightly, I giggle and smile at her, escaping her grasp. "I'm good!"

I walk past people- everything is in slow motion, my body feels slow, my mind feels slow, and suddenly I no longer feel as high- I find another unknown substance and waste no time snorting it, sitting down on the couch.

I sat back up from the couch I was sitting at, getting offered yet another line of cocaine. I snort that cocaine as well, that leaves it hard for me to breathe, every time I take a breathe out. It feels like I'm breathing out all the oxygen I have.

And then it happens. That moment when your breath starts to slow, and every time you breathe, you breathe out all the oxygen you have. And everything stops: your heart, your lungs, then finally your brain. Then everything you feel, and wish, and want to forget, it all just sinks. And then suddenly... You give it air again, give it life again, and that's what leaves you needing more.

I smile at the figure I see besides me, her face is blurred but she's speaking to me, I feel scared. "I want to call an ambulance" I say in my mind, "but I don't wanna ruin everyone's time"

"dude get her fucking legs" I hear muffled voices, slowly waking up. It was Ellie and Jesse dragging my body to Ellie's bed, after I had passed out on the couch at that random frat party-

I stand in a church with my hands behind my back, looking up at the ceiling waiting to graduate from rehab. Slowly making my way up the steps, I look at the lady and give her a smile and a nod before exiting the building.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Echoing in my mind over and over again as I make my way to Ellie's car.

"Hey!" I see Ellie running up to me. I drop my bags as she pulls me into a tight hug. I smiled at her shoulder. She squeals, letting go of me and looking at my face, pulling a hair strand behind my ear.

"I've missed you," she admits. "I've missed you too."

"What about we go back to mine and we can watch a movie?" Ellie suggests that, honestly, I wanted to get home and get out to my fucking dealer. I never had intentions of staying clean, but she didn't need to know.

"Uh yeah, sure," I say, quickly breaking myself out of my own stance. She helps me with my bag, and she puts it in Joel's old, beat-up truck, and I get into the front seat. "Everyone's missed you, dude, Abby, Dina, Jesse, and Maddie. Fucking everyone, dude."

I chuckle.

-

I cuddle up with Ellie in her dad's garage as we watch Jurassic Park. I'm on top of her, listening to her breathing—she's relaxed; she's always around me.

I find myself nuzzling into her neck. She moves her head to the side, so you have better access to her neck. I softly kiss her neck; she's always so soft.

Her eyes flutter shut as I start to suck on her neck, her hands finding their way to my ass, slowly rocking me back and forth to grind on her. Ellie let out a choked moan as she felt my clothed cunt rub against her clit.

"Y/N, fuck," she moans. I smile against her neck and make my way to Ellie's lips.

I kiss her slowly, but Ellie starts to become desperate, whining into my mouth as I refuse to give her what she wants. I move my hand underneath her hoodie to find her tits; of course she's not wearing a fucking bra or shirt under her jumper. It's Ellie.

"Wait," I say, pulling down her pants and boxers in one go. I look at her swollen cunt, slowly moving my head downward to lick up her slit, making my way to her clit.

She bucks her hips up into my tongue, I moan into her cunt, and she tangles her hand in my hair, slightly tugging upwards, making me groan loudly.

"S-sh-it," her voice is choked. "Fuck, just like that," she moans, rolling her eyes back, her toes curling in her socks. "Hmm? Feel good, baby?" I say to her, slowly lifting my head up, abandoning her swollen cunt.

"Fucking don't," she threatened, and I chuckled. I push my middle finger into her soaking pussy as I attach back to her clit; her breathing gets faster, and I feel her tighten around my fingers.

"F-FUCK!" She moans loudly, and I feel her pussy conract on my finger as she cums, her fingers tugging at my hair. "A bit loud, don't you think?" I tease after letting her ride out her orgasm, and I move up to kiss her sweaty forehead. "Shut up"

"got another in you?" I smirk, taking off my pants, t-shirt, and bra. Ellie takes off her jumper, leaving us both naked. I allow Ellie to get up and let her go on top of me.

Ellie aligns her clit up with mine and moans quickly, filling the room each time Ellie moves her hips. I start to dig your nails into Ellie's back, making her groan in pain.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Ellie chants from the overstimulation. "C'mon, baby, I know—fuck, I know you can do it." I praise her as I feel a knot in my stomach, threatening to come undone.

Ellie moves her shoulder closer to my face. I take this as an opportunity to bite down on her shoulder, which makes her wince in pain.

"I'm going to fucking cum!" Ellie moans out. Hearing Ellie say this triggers my own orgasm, and we both cum together.

-

I sit up in bed watching Ellie sleep, and I take out my phone to look at the time.

4AM

"Fuck it," I think before opening Ellie's window slowly, climbing out her window, and making my way to my dealer's house.

-

"There's a new girl in town I think you're going to be friends with." I stand in front of my dealer, who's sitting down in his chair. "who?" I question.

"shit... I don't know, man. She came in yesterday lookin' all Sailor Moon and sh*t. I'm thinking to myself, "You look like somebody you would get along with."

"Ah, real nice, dude. Really nice, where's ash?"

"I thought you went to rehab?"

"Doesn't that mean I stayed sober?" I smiled, walking towards Ash's room with a smile. I opened his door to see him eating cereal. He puts down his bowl and looks at me.

"Shit, I thought your ass was dead."

"I thought you had Asperger's till I realized you're just a prick." I insult him. "This is a fickle industry. Y'all come and go." He chuckles.

I ask for what I want, and he hands it to me. "Sure, you don't want to try anything new?"

"Like, what?" I asked, pulling the hair out of my face.

"2-C-T-2, 2C-T-7, and 5-MeO-DIPT." "I have no idea what the fuck you just said, Ash."

"Doesn't matter, dude, this sh*t. Is fucking lit?" He holds up a bag with two unknown pills. "It's a fast-acting psychedelic. I have some similarities to LSD, but with, like, key differences. Not as visual and shit, but still a sense of distortion... I don't know what's been blowing up in Tampa, and mad people like to fuck on it."

"okay, yeah." I say, putting all the baggies in my pocket, "That'll be 120."

"Fez said he'd spot me."

"Fezco, don't spot anybody."

"Yeah, well, it's a post-rehab discount, so you should ask him." I say, pointing the middle finger at him, opening his door, and leaving.

"Do you think my areolas look weird?" Dina says to Abby, "What the fuck, no?"

"Just the edges."

"Dina, they're fine," Abby says, taking a puff of the weed Cassie gives her.

"Fine, like, they're weird, kind of weird, or fine, like, nobody but me would ever notice what I would notice?"

"Fine, like, shut the fuck up, Dina," Cassie says, sitting up, grabbing her vape, and taking a puff. Dina scoffs, pulling up her t-shirt to cover her boobs.

"Hey ladies!" Jesse walks in. "Hey baby," Dina squeals, running to Jesse and hugging him. Abby cringes.

"Straight people, ew," she thinks to herself, looking at her phone. "Yo, you got out of rehab."

"Didn't she die?" Dina asks, and Abby shrugs.

"Yeah, I swear she died. I don't know, is Ellie coming to the party?" Jesse questions, to which Dina nods.

-

I get off my bike at home, slightly drugged up from the drugs I took earlier.

I walk into the house, softly shutting the door.

"Where were you?" My mother says, sitting at the table, Why the fuck is she up at 6 a.m.? You thought to yourself: "I went to eat," I lie. "What the fuck do you mean, you went to eat?"

"what?"

"what?" She mocks, "Don't walk away from me." She sits up from her seat, walking towards me as I walk towards my room. "You know what, y/n? I don't trust you."

"I don't know what you want me to say." It's true; I didn't know why she wanted me to say it. "I want you to tell me where you were," she says, walking quickly as I walk to my room.

"I just said I went to fucking eat!" I yell at her, "Don't you talk to me like that!" Grace says as I slam the door on her face. "Don't be slamming my doors around here."

"It was a fucking accident!" I yell out, holding my body in front of the door. "I don't care. You're not leaving this house until you take a drug test."

"I just peed!" I yell out, "Slam another door."

"Shit," I say, making my way to my bed, not knowing what to do. Every option I could do is unsafe as fuck.

Niacin, maybe. I don't know fuck, I think to myself, putting out my phone to look at the side effects.

Google

Side effects: skin flushing, extreme dizziness, vomiting, rapid heartbeat, and sometimes death.

Fuck, I can't.

"No drug site recommends doing this" I whisper to myself.

The other option is to get a non drug-addicted friend to do it for me.

About 20 minutes later, I show up at Dina's door, knocking.

"y/n!" Dina says, opening the door, smiling and hugging me, "I thought you died."

I laugh. "Can you do me a favor?" Uhm, I'm serious, bro."

"Sure, what is it, y/n?"

"Can you, uh, piss in this cup for me?" I whisper to her . "You're fucking with me, right?" She responds back, and I laugh and shrug.

Dina agrees to do it, and I enter her house to see Jesse and Abby.

"Sup Jesse," I say, fist bumping Jesse, then Abby.

"We thought you fucking died, bro. How was rehab?" Jesse says it with a genuine tone. "Yeah, it was good." I turn to Abby and ask, "How's football going?"

"Yeah, good. Thanks, uh, are you coming to that party tonight?" Abby asks, "Uhm, yeah, maybe."

"y/n" Dina grabs your attention, you move away from Jesse and Abby, and she swiftly hands you the bottle. "Here's that eyeliner."

"thank you"

-

I quietly climb through my window, grabbing my baggie of crushed cocaine, tipping some out onto my shelf, grabbing my 5 dollar note, rolling it up, and snorting a line.

"Argh," I groan, feeling it hit my nose. The same pain I've always experienced with snorting was still there—just muffled out. By this point, my nose was completely fucked, and I could hear the sound of the drugs eating away at my nose.

"Mom! I have to pee."

-

"I wish we could do this in a way that wasn't a complete invasion of my privacy." I say, cup in hand, struggling not to smile at her due to the drugs I had taken earlier on.

"Well, you lost your right to privacy after your overdose," your mom says, staring at you in the eyes.

"That was an accident." I smartly talk back, "Don't be flippy, y/n."

"Could you, at least?" Your mom turns around and says, "Thank you."

I sit down, and before "peeing" in the cup, I swiftly change it with Dina's urine as she talks. I wasn't listening to whatever the fuck she was saying... I was high as fuck, and I didn't care.

I gave her the urine sample, and she put the drug test in the container, and all of them came out negative. "I'm sorry for slamming the door earlier."

"it's okay. I forgive you. Come here." My mom says, pulling me in for a hug.

I guess... Like I said before, you get to choose who you want to be and how you want to be- the way the drugs cancelled out all my emotions was what I was looking for, no person, no nothing could compare to that feeling. Besides from drugs.

"I'm gonna stay at Dina's tonight" i say to which she agrees.

It's now 7PM, I don't know how the day went by so fast- but it did and it fucking sucked. I get a text from Ellie.

Ellie: Yo, noticed you left this morning you okay?

Me: yeah, I'm good bro. You alg?

Ellie: yep! Wanna come over tonight? Dont have to if you wanna go to the party instead

Me: I'll come over around like 11?

I find myself making my way to the party that Jesse, Dina, and Abby are going to.

Jesse and Dina have fucked off somewhere else, probably making out or fucking, and you find yourself next to Abby.

"How was rehab, y/n?" She says, breaking the tension, although I can barely hear her over the music, "Yeah, it was good!" I yell over the music.

I stand up, looking for the bathroom in an attempt to snort more, but people were already in the bathroom. "Shit," I think to myself, not paying attention to where I'm walking, accidentally bumping into this lady.

"fuck!" I yell. Looking at her, she looks like the girl Faz mentioned. "Hey, sorry." I retrace my steps.

"You're good; I'm, uh, I'm Jules," she says, and I smile, holding out my hand to shake hers. She accepts and shakes my hand.

She's got one of the most beautiful smiles you have ever seen; her smile is so bright it could light up an entire dark room, filled with nothing but sadness.

"I'm y/n" I introduce myself, to which we exchange numbers, and I make my way to Ellie's place, feeling overwhelmed from the party.

I knock on her door for Joel to answer; my pupils are dilated, and obviously I've taken some sort of drug.

"y/n... Hey, Ellie's in her room." I smile stupidly. These fucking drugs, man, I can't stop smiling . I swiftly walk past Joel and see Ellie. I smile at her, and she smiles back. "Dude, are you high?" She scoffs, "I thought... I thought you quit."

"I'm not high, Ellie, mania." I giggle; she obviously doesn't want to assume, so she wants to give me the benefit of the doubt.

"Are you coming back to college this month?" She questions. "Yeah, probably." The truth was, I didn't want to. But I knew I probably had to.

I shall leave it at this due to how many words, etc. and idk if people will like this 😭😭

[stereor4t]

lesbian movies I've seen so far (review based on my tastes)

I'm going to give my opinion of the lesbian movies I've seen so far and I'm going to give them a score from 1 to 5 stars :3 it may contain some spoilers

Bound(1996)

For the year this movie was made, I was actually surprised by the END of it(fuck the obsession with killing the protagonist). I didn’t really have much faith in it by how it stars, but man, I was so surprised, I loved it, be gay do crime. ★★★★☆

Gia(1998)

God, this movie is my new roman empire, I didn’t know about Gia’s story, but the ending of the movie DESTROYED ME. the scene where shes talking with Linda and she says: now we have all the time in the world, I was so moved by it, I loved it. It’s currently one of my favorite movies.★★★★★

Lost and delirious(2001)

ugh shakespearean shit, this movie touches more than one of us when it comes to the experience of liking girls. I liked it but I felt like there was a lot of wasted potential that could’ve made it great, tbh i just wanted Paulie to be happy; the fact the Piper Perabo is in it helps the score too. ★★★☆☆

D.E.B.S.(2004)

ITS THE BEST FUCKING MOVIE IN THE WORLD, GOD. I actually hated this movie before watching it ‘cause I thought it was some dumb comedy, but god, when I gave it a chance it BLEW ME AWAY. If you want to see some lesbian spies enemies to lovers shit watch debs.  ★★★★★

My summer of love(2004)

Personally, I HATED this movie kjj, I didn’t really get ANYTHING at all, like it felt like everything was just too rushed??? like when did they even fall in love lol? Gets points just for Emily Blunt. ★★☆☆☆

Imagine me & you(2005)

Piper Perabo again and Lena Heady THE WOMAN. This movie is ART, my fav movie, it’s beautiful, comfort movie af. The true don’t let your husband keep you from meeting your future wife. ★★★★★

Loving Annabelle(2006)

This movie was made for all of us who once liked a teacher or profesor. I liked it quite a lot, but I feel like seize it’s true potential. Personally, I choose to think that the alternative ending it’s the true one lol. ★★★☆☆

Bloomington(2010)

Again for us that like fantasizing about our teachers. I like this movie but again, I feel like they didn’t really make the most of it jskdja annoying af bitching about the same but yeah, it bothered me. Anyway, i liked the movie, and I didn’t like the ending at all,I felt bad for the poor teacher :c. ★★★☆☆

A perfect ending(2012)

I know a lot of people hate this movie and think it’s shit, but I personally love it lol. Idk I remember that when I watched it it got me super emotional and i liked it a lot, dont care what anyone says to me it’s a good movie. ★★★☆☆

The girl king(2015)

★☆☆☆☆

Didn’t like it at all, boring af, i didn’t really get it, idk, i was expecting more. ★☆☆☆☆

First girl i loved(2016)

Im fond of this movie, it was one of the first ones I saw, the ending just made a me a bit frustrated, but I liked it, Brianna Hildebrand with a wig funny as hell. ★★★☆☆

Disobedience(2017)

Rachel Weisz and McAdams DAMN. Great movie, I liked it in all aspects. Although the ending wasn’t what I expected I still liked it. ★★★★★

Tell it to the bees(2018)

Mmm I think this movie is kinda meh, like it’s okay but I feel like it lacks something for me to like it, tho I didn’t get the ending, like I don’t understand the decisions each one took. ★★☆☆☆

Ammonite(2020)

Kate Winslet and Saoirse Ronan!!!! I liked it but I didn’t love it, I never got to understand if Mary hated or loved Charlotte. The ending got me frustrated!!! ★★★☆☆

Crush(2022)

The kind of movie you gotta watch after Gia, I liked it I thought it was silly, like very much teenage romcom sort of shit, like the Kissing Booth but for lesbians. ★★★☆☆

You can live forever(2022)

I think this is a great movie, interesting story, I wasn’t expecting the whole ending sequence, what Marike says to Jamie destroyed me, in my head theyre the young version of the Disobedience ones. ★★★★★

Booksmart(2019)

GREAT MOVIE, very entertaining and funny, I liked it quite a lot, it’s perfect to watch it with friends. Gigi is just like me fr best character ever. ★★★★★

[chaotic-neutral-knitter]

I've seen metas about Stede being a coward and I think that, when you're analyzing a show about how there's not just one way to be a man, that misses the point a bit?

like. Stede definitely thinks he's a coward and other people call him a coward. in the same way that Ed thinks he's a monster and other people call him a monster. these are labels that they both grapple with because they don't want them to be true but when people keep telling you over and over that you are [X], then you'll believe it eventually.

and the thing that gets me about Stede is that his cowardice isn't in the areas that his bullies tell him it is. his plan to steal a hostage back from Izzy is dumb, but it's also brave. the man keeps putting himself in physical danger, ALL OF THE TIME. he's naive, but he's also brave.

his decision to go be a pirate is brave, and Ed sees that. I'd even say it's one of the first things he recognizes and likes about Stede. because Ed also wants to change his whole life (but is struggling with actually doing it) and here comes this guy who just went and DID it. what the hell. better talk to that guy, see what he knows. (maybe fall in love with him)

Stede's only a coward when it comes to emotional stuff. there was probably a middle ground between "suffer in this marriage forever" and "run off to be a pirate" but leaving in the middle of the night was a way to escape hard conversations. there was also DEFINITELY a middle ground between "go to China with Ed and be eaten alive by guilt over abandoning his family" and "leave Ed without saying goodbye" but that would have meant talking to Ed about it and my man Stede does not talk about his feelings, wants, or needs. because emotional honesty is scary. (and when you're Stede, emotional honesty has always ended up with getting yelled at, shut down, or worse).

but it's frustrating, because people will say "oh Stede's a coward" and point to all the people saying he is one and Stede himself believing it, and ignore all the times he is shown to be very brave. or they'll say (and this one haunts me) "Stede wasn't bullied as a kid for being obviously queer, he was bullied for being a coward."

and idk dude but I think the point is that sometimes the things we believe about ourselves because we've been told them over and over are just... not true?

your childhood bully wasn't right about you, they were a fucking bully. your shit dad wasn't right about you, he was just shit. these people don't know you and they don't want to know you. their opinions are worse than useless. and Stede's season one arc is about him grappling with that and deciding he isn't a coward, he isn't inadequate, he isn't a waste of space. he is in fact worthy of love. that's the whole point!

[novalizinpeace]

Random mod check

How are you feeling and doing? Thank you for the amazing blog. Please remember to take care of yourself and that people care about you

not exactly good? If you're here just for the critters keep scrolling, no need to read my chaotic life.

It had been a kinda bad start of the month with a lot of bad news both in my work and in my family, and 'm honestly trying to keep myself together drawing the critters 'cause on the other hand i would probably break down.

For ''little'' things like one of my cats been dumb enough to try to eat a bee so now she have a inflamate mouth that prevent her to eat normally so i need to be over her giving her food like a baby (and she's a mean bitch so is more hard), from big worry things like medical shit related to me, my mother and my grandma (yay for chronic family diseases), to the death of my paternal grandfather. I hadn't been able to catch a break since december, and the rest of my family aren't exactly helping, so the only thing i can do is take it like a champ and keep going, i had been having said mentality since my 15, and now in my 25 i already sound like a old lady due all the shit i had to take responsability for, i feel like a war soldier with PTSD and everything.

One of the things that is eating me up is the posibility of getting my internet shut down again 'cause, while i paid for my part of the month, my family ''forgot'' their part, and is already 5th so theres a BIG probability that tomorrow 'm not going to be here, they told me they're going to try and find their part before paycheck, but idk if that a ''we're paying it before it get shut down'' or a ''we're paying in the next 10 days'', so yeah, if i suddendly don't post anything tomorrow, you know why.

You would thing ''why don't you move out?'' ''why don't live on your own and deal with your own problems?''. Well, here's the thing: In this country, the salary is around 5$/week, 'course that the official one, but since bussiness know nobody is going to work for that little, they include a food stamp of around 50/80$ with the paycheck, so in a way you're getting pay 100$/month.

But this mean that you still only have 20$/month to spend elsewhere, and shit like clothes, basic neccesities, healthcare and more aren't cheap. You need to calculate right, 'cause you risk to miss something important and not been able to get it till next paycheck (for big example, female products that suck my souls each month). and you know how much it cost the internet? around 40$/month, so a two people full salary, aka i wouldn't be able to pay for the internet on my own.

So even when a good house have a cost of 5.000$ here (a lot of house are abandoned due the big number of people emigrating from here, so house are really cheap), if you only get 240$/year, the only way you can live alone is if you have a familiar that is sending you money from another country to help you get it, or if you got the house from a familiar that passed away.

Yeah, a lot of my problems at the moment come from financial problems, but the house situation isn't one, i wouldn't care still living here is i could deal with the other problems, my life as been stressful since the man that speak with birds got in charge of the country, but i could deal with it before, it right now that 'm eating my nails at all the shit going on.

I really appreciate all the support and love you all had give me here, i had take the critters (both the cartoon and the experiments) as a safe place in this stressful times, so the fact that other people enjoy them with me as really help me keep going. Don't worry, if i dissapear isn't going to be forever, just like the fucking springtrap ''i always come back''. You're not going to get away from me this easily.

[persephone11110]

Mother I’d Like To….

Jake Seresin x Bradshaw Wife Reader

Warnings: grey hair, aging insecurity, age gap(reader:45 J:34), Jake“I Love My Wife” Seresin, stepdad j.s, unnamed douchy ex/husband, religious word is used once-blasphemy, sprinkle of curse words, slighty smutty end

Summary: She embraced her grey hair with ease never seeing a problem with it until one night a young mean woman words come crashing into her head.

“One man's loss is another man's gain”.

ofc:Lucie Bradshaw-Seresin, other oc: Leo Bradshaw-Seresin,

pretend goose was born in 59 and the b4 he met carole he had a kid in 77 and then met carole and had bradley in 80. Also there’s kid name in their bcus Lucie has a son from her previous marriage and his name is hyphenated just like his mother. idc idc reader is an admiral while jakes still a lieutenant idk how idky. There’s five admiral’s instead of four.

AN: plz i don’t why the title is that don’t ask me, im dealing with insomia rn. I was gonna do B.Bx Reader. But decided against it. an old draft that took forever to finish. Should I make this into a small series?

–

“Awe, I think its nice your younger brother is here with you celebrating your 54th birthday”, the younger waitress drops the cake down infront of her.“Give him my number please”. (sn: waitress purposely switched the bday # around)

Lucie was beyond tired— not because she had get up for work the next morning, but because she’s sick and tired of being mistakened for her husbands sister. Jake Seresin is a blonde man, while Lucie Bradshaw-Seresin still had streaks of her brunette hair left. She couldn’t help but think about what that waitress said a couple of nights ago.

Look normally comments don’t bother her, being a mother and a woman in the navy she’s built a pretty thick shield around herself, Lucie always throws a fake smile on her face and pushes it to the back of her mind. But she’s cant help but realize the wrinkles that have made her face their new home or how her bones cracked when she went on her morning and evening run.

She’s getting old— what’s new?, You can only handle being mistakened as your husband’s sister for so long before your self-confidence sinks into hell. Lucie Seresin is always been known for impulsiveness, she’s proved it too many times to count. There’s a reason why the navy calls her Falcon.

An example is allowing that jackass to walk all over her.

She was standing infront of the bathroom mirror alongside her was a box of brown hair dye on the counter. While Lucie there she spends sometimes looking at herself, picking and prodding at her sagging skin.

Surprisingly. Only because she’s afraid of what Jake will think if her hair is re-dyed.

No matter how many times she dyes her hair, she still be old. “Hey Jake where’s your old lady at?”.

Lucie talked him up. She recognized that cologne from anywhere, Lucie straightens up and throws a fake smile on her face and greets her husband.“Hello Lieutenant Commander?”.

“I hate that dumb fuck so much”. Jake says, he has one hand on his hip and the other hand is carding through Lucie’s hair. “I swear Lucie the next time him and I—”.

Lucie could see Jake visibly stiffen, she could feel his confusion.“My Love is there is a box of hair dye behind you?”

“Mr. I See All”.

Shit…that— Lucie herself stiffens at the mention of the hair dye, suddenly finds herself combing through various insecurities in her head. Was she right— did Jake also hate her grey hair?, did he want her to keep the grey?

“Options”, Lucie lies with a smile on her face.“Just wanted to have just in case”.

Her husband green eyes zeroed in on her, but luckily he drops it.“okay darlin”. Maybe she should dye it, Jake doesn’t deserve someone like her on his arm.

“I know my opinion wasn’t asked for, but I love your grey hair”. You gotta be fucking kidding me. Wait a minute—

“Really?”

“Of course, darlin—how could I not?”

Thank god, that means Lucie doesn’t have use her hair dye— also means that she just wasted 15 dollars.

“Wow”, she doesn’t mean for that slip— but then again maybe this conversation is something they need have. She’s getting it over with.

“What Lucie?”Jake so gentle with her— he’s not getting angry by the minute. Lucie bites her lower lips in attempts to calm herself down. Great…now shes crying.

“Sugar, I’m so sorry I made you doubt yourself”, She hates whenever his eyes get so damn puppy like. He’s used it so many times to get out of trouble with her. EX:Between me and you darlin I purposefully pushed to mach 10”.

“It’s….It’s not your fault—”, Lucie starts again, her ex-husband words echoing in her ear.“Ducky, Ducky—me and you both your not pretty anymore”.

Jake’s fingers are underneath her chin, her eyes are rimming with tears.“Yes it is— I should’ve made sure my wife knew how much I was in love with her”. His arms wrapped around her waist— his fingers interlocked together. Never letting her go.

“I looked so much better in my prime Jake— I looked so good twenty years ago”. Lucie spits out her mouth-as if she just tasted something distasteful.

“Blasphemy” Jake’s shaking his head, and pulls from Lucie him— having the need to make sure his hardheaded wife listens to him.

“Jake—”. A strong hands strokes her face, dissuading Lucie from saying more hurtful words.

“Lucie, Lucie—darlin I know you outrank me by alot but listen to me right now”. He standing infront of her with a slight frown on his face. “I love every physical & emotional trait about you from your grey hair to the stretch marks from carrying our son to how you switch between Lucie to Admiral Seresin or how you always smile when you see a bird in the air”.

God her husband could’ve been a poet. She practically throws herself into Jake arms— clinging onto him for dear life. “You mean that Jake?”.

“Of course I mean that darlin, I’ll love you till the day I die”. She hates when Jake pulls her out of his arms again. “Darlin the dye must go”.

He walks over to the bathroom counter—“Would you like to do the honors Lucie?”

“Sure Lieutenant”, She replied with a small smile on her face, Lucie picked up the hair dye box and without hesitation threw it away.

“Need make sure you understand how much I love you twenty years later”, Jake stands behind her.

“Come show me Seresin”, he has his hands tightly wrapped around waist.

“I will Seresin”.

[spidergutz-writes]

Dear genius;; do you perhaps have more headcanons for Otis with Baby's best friend? Just anything!! ;;w;

-meadow! My dear friend hello again :D! I truly hope you enjoy these (givin me my favorite tropes, i see what your doin 😁)

anyways, I hope you enjoy these!! —

So. Much. FLIRTING.

and not just regular flirting, though. Oh No no no.

what? You thought OTIS could flirt normally? No. That man’s shoving a live human heart in your face, while telling you how nice and soft your precious skin looks.

lemmie tell you this, if your baby’s best friend, you’ve either been with her from the beginning, or your just a morbid person and they kept you around for that.

and if you’ve been with her from the beginning? You can at least tolerate morbid stuff.

so there’s a lot of…dark flirting.

example:

“I’d love to cut you up and make a masterpiece outta you, doll”

“I’d let you do it.”

definitely also makes you little gifts. Like, little portraits of you, figures made of bone or cartilage.

puts his hand on your shoulder a lot. Your his, and he needs others to know that. (you just don’t know it yet, and he probably doesn’t either)

otis is also a very blunt person, so he’s more than likely invited you to his bed more than once

”yknow sweetheart, my beds always open for you”

often uses you as his muse, blatantly telling you it’s because your hot/pretty as fuck.

you two probably have rant sessions too.Your mad about something, he’s mad about something, so you both just vent to eachother about it.

you laying on his bed, him pacing around. Your waiting for him to finish so you can console him, then go on with your own rant,

which you know he’d be there to listen to. After you listen to him ofc.

”can’t believe tiny almost let my muse escape! Do you know how long it took for me to get this detrimental wall of art block broken down? Fucking, forever!! If it wasn’t for me being there, just in time, that bitch would’ve ran away!”

so many late nights spent outside when neither of you can sleep, so you just talk.

talking about anything and everything, till eventually one of you falls asleep (typically you)

and by saying that, there’s been a few times where you woken up in Otis’s bed while he’s passed out on the very edge of the bed.

hes a sadistic, psychotic, homicidal maniac, but for some reason, you, baby’s best friend, the one person he’s NOT supposed to be kind, and all that gooey stuff with, makes him want to be nice to you.

doesn’t want to actually carve your face off

he wishes to keep it on your pretty/handsome face :((

lots of meaningless banter —

”your face is dumb”

”yeah? Well you have more wrinkles than my grandmother”

”oh really? Well- your probably not even a natural blond!”

*LE GASP*

HORROR MOVIE MARATHONS. y’all will stay up ALL night watching shitty old horror movies and criticizing it

saying how fake and un real it is

”the gore is so fake, I mean cmon!!”

“…idk, the gore is pretty good, but the acting is shit.”

“You think that’s real gore? Gimme a second sweetheart, LEMMIE go grab my muse. I’ll show you real gore!”

”OTIS NO WHAT ABOUT THE MOVI-“

yeah. You’ll have to clean up all the blood btw.

man is caked in layers of blood, and constantly smells of Pennys and nickels.

ITS SO LATE RN BUT I HOPE YOU LIKE THESE IVE POURED SO MANY HUMAN EMOTIONS INTO THIS-

[puddleglum-draws]

I’ve decided that instead of keeping that shit up in my head I’m gonna gender dump up in this bitch.

Okay SO

I’m afab but am thinking I might be a trans guy bc I bought a binder and I REALLY like having a flat chest but the pressure gives me panic attacks. I don’t like being a woman. Like do women think that? Do women try to convince themselves that their boobs are good for something? Like I’m aroace I’m not using that shit. I don’t want to a be a girl bc I don’t want to be sexualized. I literally have no desire for any of this bc like I’m not gonna use it. Can’t I just exist without that? Is my being aroace the ONLY reason I feel that way? Do I just have internalized misogyny? Do I just hate that women have to deal with more shit? Is it normal to have no image in your head of your future self? It is normal to feel like your name isn’t one that you can use forever? That the dumb name you have now is something to grow out of? But like I loved princesses and pink as a kid? I loved sleeping beauty but also it’s kind of just Philip mostly and I just like seeing him joke around with his horse and save the day? I wore my hair long forever and don’t hang out with guys, that maybe that’s because I’ve been taught to fear men my whole life. I like dresses and fabrics but every time I put them on I feel like something’s wrong? Like I feel pretty in them sometimes, but usually I end up self conscious. Then I just don’t like my body. My thighs and calves are so like curvy?? Like the shapes are bad. I have a body that I guess is pretty attractive for a woman, but I don’t like it. I should, but I don’t. I should want bigger breasts and like when they fill out a shirt, but they just get in the way. I recognize that that makes me conventionally attractive, but eh. Plus my friend and I joke that he always picks female characters and me male? Like I wanna be a chivalrous knight or a cowboy gunslinging in the Wild West. I want to wear suits and idk be taller. Like I feel it’s easier to be a man? That’s it’s better to be a man? Are these cis girl (slightly misogynist too bc I know that men as well face issues and are complex ppl but my heart says them anyway) thoughts?

Thanks for your time FOLKS

[givelifetoaworld]

i don’t wanna rb this post but i wanna say that everything this person said is valid and mostly true. the frustration and anger is justified and it sucks to have a website you love crumble and fall apart.

but i feel like talking about something that has been echoed by former staff members here - that this attitude is going to make it so you are never going to survive on another social media site.

we need a reality check here that like… websites and companies do not have morals. capitalism completely and absolutely controls all decisions made by a website, company, etc. to operate. since automatic is a tech company and tumblr is only a part of their product line, they have a very, very, very capitalist structure of what success and profit mean. we may all hold the belief that a website doesn’t need to be profitable, that a website just needs to be stable and reliable - but that is just a little bit too idealistic.

burn me at the stake, but tumblr live was not a bad idea. it could have been really fun and cool, but the problem was that we all quickly found out that tumblr live would require your data that tumblr has never required before. and so, it failed, because the userbase of this site tends to be more data cautious than facebook users. and i can promise you that a lot the staff working on this site probably knew that, but i’d like to see any of you on here pitch a major change or to insist a complement that you were just paid to work on for months is a complete failure to a CEO. see what happens to your income and livelihood.

transphobic moderation? yeah, that is a problem, and it sucks. but it has been acknowledged, and while some odd things have happened, a lot of the time it’s just shitty error and algorithms. which also happens on other websites daily. and yeah i’ve seen some staff members say some condescending and rude shit too, but damn, they are not some holy public figures, they are just some guy doing a job and y’all were harassing them and still harass them.

if any company or any website actually took into consideration user feedback, the internet would look like a different place. it might look something like it did 15 years ago. twitter may have not sold to elon musk. youtube wouldn’t do what it’s doing with ad blockers and content. reddit wouldn’t have fought back when users protested a couple months back. i could keep going! tumblr is not an exception to this and as someone who has been on this site for over a decade, i am not owed UI changes that i prefer. it’s a tech product and all tech products are inherently linked to and change only according to what might be appealing to capitalism.

and like… you can bitch and laugh about 600 people just trying to work and do their jobs to keep something like tumblr running far past it’s lifespan, but you need to understand that the vast majority of them weren’t “decision makers”. they were tasked with changes and plans created by someone who probably only knew of tumblr’s functionality rather than the culture of it (remember that Tumblr Is Gonna Be The Next PDF thing lol) and we’re expected to perform those tasks. you cannot just go “but i don’t like that/the users won’t like that so i won’t” when you’re told to do a task at a job, man. again especially not at a tech company. it won’t go over well for you and if you think the world works like that then well idk.

i knew all the way back in 2018 that tumblr wasn’t going to be around forever - a site doesn’t just lose over 50% of the userbase and bounces back to a state that even slightly resembles that peak of use. but they tried, and some things have been corny and some things have been just downright dumb, but you have to admit this site has been pretty creatively interactive even when it’s been “cringe” or ad based. there’s a reason you’re still here. there’s a reason you’re having these bittersweet and upset reactions to a staff you claimed to despise being reassigned, even though so many people have wanted them to “go away”. did you actually want them to go away, or did you just want them to appease to exactly what you wanted? you gotta be careful what you wish for man.

[daincrediblegg]

okay your turn if nobody else has asked: TOP FIVE JH CHARACTERS GO

... girl... how does one choose? how does one??? when there are so many beautiful boys??? ok. OK I'll give it a shot.

5. Captain Crow - The Sea Beast This film is just incredible on every front. One of my favorite concept artists worked on it (which I did not know until a few weeks ago but now that I know I feel like kicking myself because I REALLY SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THEIR STYLE WELL ENOUGH BY NOW). But I remember watching this, and screaming when the credits began to roll because WAIT?!?!?! THAT WAS JARED HARRIS??? OH!!! WHAT A DELIGHT!!! I LOVE THAT GUY!!!! (oh babygirl wait a few months it's gonna hit you so bad). He's great. I hope we see more of him in the sequel that would be great for me.

4. Hari Seldon Honestly. What a little shit. "But Egg," you might ask "If he's such a little shit why is he on here?" well. He's hot. Really I am not over how hot this dude is. I know I couldn't fix him not in a million years. But idk. Something about him always makes my brain go brrr. So he's on here. Also I just love how fucking atypically written this show is and I have a wee soft spot for asimov. They didn't have to cast Jared as Hari and make him unbelievably hot. But they did. And he's so enigmatic. I love that.

3. John Lennon Egg's love for Jared Harris Origins. I was a Beatles girlie, ok? I'm not ashamed to admit that. It was my introductory fandom experience at the ripe old age of baby, and I really ate it up. I remember going into this movie being like "oh it's some dumb TV movie about John and Paul how good can it be?" Very good, as it turns out. And having assigned myself a John Lennon girlie I literally could never get over this depiction. The mannerisms, the fucking tripped-out way he philosophizes in conversation, the softness, and ofc the old friends tension. Jared got it all. Of course I'd seen him in stuff here and there, but this was the one that cemented him as a beloved actor in my mind for me (I literally re-wound the kiss scene as well like 20 times don't judge me but that awakened some stuff in me). Been following him ever since.

2. Lane Pryce - Mad Men This dude broke me for real. I didn't get into Mad Men until college, and binged it all on my friend's hulu account. And lemme tell ya. Did NOT see his final episode coming. Did not. And it made me genuinely weep. He was a highlight in the show. He was one of the only guys I could actually say is a good dude in that show, and he deserved so much better than he got in the end. I look at him and I'm just like... leave ur wife. Leave your job. Lets just go out of this capitalistic hellscape. I want to make him Well. I will love him forever for how he just completely destroyed me.

1.Francis Crozier / Valery Legasov - HA! you thought I was not going to tie them? WRONG! I can't keep these bad bitches apart.

Francis really needs no explanation at this point. I am so actually genuinely in love with him I'm writing a whole ass gothic romance novel of a fic for him, as you all know (and which has summarily turned out a BANGER of a modern AU as well). I made a bloody self-insert oc for him. Gothic Cinema is literally my favorite genre and Francis is the most Gothic Hero of all time, honestly (well besides Valery obviously). The serotonin he continually gives me makes my meds redundant. He is my sweet husband who I love with my whole life and that's that.

And Valery? sorry you can't put a babygirl of a man like that in front of me and not expect that I would want to jump his bones like? Not only is the constant existential dread relatable, but as much as people tell him he's not brave, he IS without a doubt, and honestly, just by virtue of uttering the most iconic logline ever fucking created he deserves this spot on this list. Both of these dudes make my soul ascend in a certain way not just with how brilliantly they were written, but with how incredibly Jared executed them (for which I want to kill the academy for not giving him awards on either). Top Beloveds forever and ever and ever amen.

[palettepainter]

Not sure if you're still answering these type of ask. But do you have any Clifford headcanons? 👉👈

Maybe some about what Clifford and Zee's relationship was like???

my askbox is pretty much always open so people can ask for headcannons anytime! A heads up to longtime Clifford fans I've gotten a general idea of his character through watching episodes/clips from Muppets Tonight, so idk if theres other videos of him

-I did a post a while back with some Clifford headcannons so you can read them here: Palettepainter101 — Got any headcanons for Clifford? (tumblr.com)

-As for him and Zee overall they where a pretty normal, but fashionable, couple. From watching Muppets Tonight Clifford strikes me as the type of guy who is just trying to do his job, get paid, and put food on the table. If he's not dealing with some dumb shit backstage then he will be later. I kind of love him for that, he's just trying to run a show, let the man do his job.

-When they met Zee was just a singer and hadn't started her teaching career just yet. Zee sang at different joints more or less as a very passionate hobby, she was paid well but the gigs where far and few, so she wanted to get a fulltime job to make ends meet. She applies for a job at the Muppets Tonight studios for an actor, with her career as a dancer she was used to a stage and working alongside other muppets was a new change of pace that sounded fun to her. Since Zee was already a singer and proved to already have experience on a stage she got hired relatively quickly

-Zee had always preformed alone, so while it took a bit for her to adjust having acting partners she soon made quick friends with some of the other actors on the show. Being one of the oldest cousins to Zoot she's also naturally the mum friend of their group, so isn't afraid of rolling up her sleeves to get stuff down. Her and Clifford where pretty close by this point, since Zee was good at keeping a level head and people seemed to listen to her Clifford trusted her with a lot of other things he didn't have the time for.

In some bloopers for Muppets Tonight there's this one where Clifford gets into a fight with Johnny and his chimp Sal. I think it'd be funny if Zee see's this going down and naturally goes over to see what's wrong, manages to calm Sal down with nothing more then a few calm words and a smile, and the pair go on their way, before she turns to Clifford and probably asks "You good boss?"

-During the time when the two where starting to crush on each other there was a lot of flirting/playful teasing. Zee and Clifford could match each others energy, and their impeccable fashion tastes, but it took them ages to actually start dating. A lot of people on the show assumed they where dating long before they actually where because the back and fourth flirting game went on forever. The day Clifford actually went to ask Zee out stuff kept getting in his way, in typical, comical muppet fashion. Whenever he got round to talking with Zee something else would pop up, or Pepe and Seymour would interrupt him, then Zee would be called over by somebody else and he'd loose his chance. It wasn't until the end of the day when Clifford flops down in his office chair does Zee pop by with a coffee, probably with a "Sheesh, you look rough creampuff" comment (not unkindly). Clifford sighs, saying something about how the day was so hectic and how he looks like a mess. Zee chuckles, saying that he's still got his looks, and then Clifford asks her out

-The two where already flirty before they began dating, so adding dating to the mix felt totally natural for them. With Zee as his girlfriend Zee helped out a lot more with the operations of running the show, the stuff Clifford often handled alone with occasional help from Pepe and Rizzo. Zee's singing career had been pretty popular, but Muppets Tonight was really when it started to take off. Clifford made space for her to sing songs in-between acts to warm up the audience, and Clifford loves to hear her sing. The two where still very flirty even after dating, and might have snuck in a few make out sessions in Clifford's office during commercial breaks.

I want to say they dated for a handful of years, perhaps the two had started to share their own space (perhaps rumours of the two buying a new place together and settling down, only Zee and Clifford know for sure). But Zee was eventually approached by a business man to give her a brand deal with her singing, only issue is Zee would have to move. Clifford and her had a long talk about it, and at first they tried to make long distance work, but in the end neither wanted to hold the other back and decided to remain friends

[casliveblog]

Custom Toonami Block Week 171 Rundown

Inuyasha The Final Act: Moryomaru’s on his shit again running around absorbing random demons and… he’s after the snake demons from Yashahime? Honestly I completely forgot they were in the original series and apparently for good reason because the FUCKING DIE, like for all its faults usually Yashahime was pretty good about the connective tissue between the original and itself but I guess these guys just aren’t dead anymore by the time of the series. It is kinda dumb that Moryomaru just kinda wants them because ‘they’re snake brothers that hate each other so if I eat them I can fuse stuff to other stuff’ but his arc’s getting ready to end anyway so who cares. Meanwhile Inuyasha’s consulting Totosai about why his new Tessaiga upgrade doesn’t work the diagnosis is basically ‘sword’s fine, you’re just a lil bitch’ basically the same principle that turns Inuyasha into a full demon if the Tessaiga’s not protecting him, he can’t just absorb demonic energy as a half demon or else he’ll go crazy (did anyone ever tell Towa this? Feel like that was literally never a problem for her) but yeah Inuyasha has to run through a demonic obstacle course and learn how to see swirls of demonic energy which… he could already do with the Wind Scar but I guess this is different. Long story short, he gains the power to cut open wells of demonic energy instead of absorbing them, I think this is used like twice before the Meidou Zangetsuha comes by and eats its lunch which is really funny because they already allude to Meidou Zangetsuha being Tessaiga’s Final Form (which you’d think he could just keep absorbing new powers forever idk) so even on release Dragon Scale Tessaiga is already power crept.

Castlevania: We get an extended scene of how Lisa was captured by the church for… having glass and gears I guess, most of it is stuff we already knew though the thing that sticks out to me is she didn’t use a fake last name, like she goes by Lisa Tepes, good for her being proud of her husband and all but don’t people know Dracula’s name is Vlad Tepes? I think I heard someone mention it before so you’re not really helping your case of not being a hellspawn when you literally have Dracula’s last name, it’s a Ben Kenobi situation all over again. Either way, Dracula calls all his boys up to be like ‘yo, we gonna fuck shit up’ and he’s hired two anime misanthropes with suitably tragic backstories for why humans are awful, to do the planning because if you can’t think on a human level you’re gonna fuck shit up. Though even the resident bloodthirsty fight dude Godbrand is like ‘wait we have a plan? I thought we were just sacking villages all over and summoning as much hellspawn as we could’ which is kind of the plan at this point. I do like how Dracula’s rage is personalized by an exhausted finality instead of a howling rage, like everyone seems to be on the same page of ‘look we don’t like genocide, but this humanity thing has had a good run and needs to stop’ which is kind of worse, like there’s only so much talk no jutsu you can do with someone who’s done talking. Meanwhile Trevor, Sypha and Alucard get their initial brooding about their new journey out of the way (Also how old is Alucard? Like he looks in his twenties, but Lisa doesn’t look that much older than when she met Dracula, maybe she just aged like a fine wine or maybe vampire aging is different and you just pop out a twenty year old classy man but it feels like that did not seem to be a twenty year gap). And now Dracula has moved the castle with the big 3D object thing that’s like the only thing I remember from Symphony of the Night.

Jujutsu Kaisen: Megudad is on the rampage and is ready to Rock Lee all over Cthulu and it’s honestly just fantastic to see like after all the complex bullshit with Domains and Animation jargon last episode it’s satisfying to just watch Dadgumi punch the absolute shit out of this guy. They establish he barely has sentience at this point and is basically acting like a heat seeking missile on the largest mass of cursed energy in the area but once he’s done stabbing Cthulu with nunchaku he takes Megumi outside so idk if he does have a shard of sentience in there and just wants to see his son for a sec or if Megumi’s vaguely defined secret superpowers just make him next on Dadgumi’s heat seeking missile radar. Meanwhile Jogo shows up and Cracatoa’s the remaining three guys in like two seconds and I’m not sure if that’s supposed to be an ‘oh shit he’s strong’ moment or an ‘oh shit those guys were really worn out’ moment. Meanwhile meanwhile, the high school girls are sticking fingers down Yuji’s throat because he apparently has no gag reflex and swallows whatever you put in his mouth when he’s unconscious. Only for Jogo to come out and feed him MORE fingers, like half of them right here which they acknowledge they have to do a bunch at once so Sukuna can take over temporarily before Yuji’s body can adapt. I had a feeling JJK wasn’t going to stick to a Shikon Jewel Shard narrative style of collecting the fingers one at a time but this is still a little more than I expected since he’s basically 75% done and got more fingers in him than a Battle Royale Chinese Finger Trap. So yeah Sukuna’s awake but unfortunately for these guys he want to the Muzan Kibutsuchi school of ‘if you’re not immediately subservient and stroking my ego you’re just dead’ and the high school girls get offed for asking him to save Geto even though he asked them what they wanted, like why’s he even asking if he has no intention of doing anything for anybody. I don’t really like this style of villainy like I tend to go more for people that are reasonable to at least not murder their subordinates instantly since it always makes the villains look egotistical and insecure if they can’t handle five seconds of someone not licking their boots but I suppose it is an effective way to show how powerful they are. Meanwhile Jogo goes over the plan to make sure Sukuna stays in control of Yuji’s body and Sukuna’s just like ‘bro I did that a season and a half ago’ but he gives him the same ultimatum he gave Yuji at that point, land one hit and he’ll do them a favor. Idk if Sukuna even intends to make good on any of these I think he just likes flexing on people cause he offers these a lot.

Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End: As a prelude to their journey to go meet with real ghosts, Frieren and Fern have a classic ‘can you shoot a ghost if it looks like someone you love’ mini-adventure, it’s pretty simple but it works for what it has to in order to solidify both of their resolve to go take care of their unfinished business. And then the girls take turns taking pot shots at a dragon and decide they could really use a tank, luckily Eisen was training a tank named Stark in the nearby village so they’re just gonna go pick him up, get the x-ray specs Frieren wants from the dragon and save the village in the meanwhile if they have time. Now Stark is kinda interesting because he’s like a combo of Zenitsu from Demon Slayer and King from One Punch Man in that he’s a weird coward and a fraud but also genuinely ridiculously strong, he just has no real combat experience and thus is terrified of actual monsters. This may also be in part due to him being the only survivor of his home village which he booked it out of when he was a kid, Eisen wanted to train that out of him which I feel like is a little harsh to beat up a kid about running from a horde of monsters, like that’s not cowardice that’s just being fucking nine. But he seems to have internalized some of that and never really gotten over seeing himself as a coward combined with his lack of experience so despite being able to chop a mountain in half like that story of the guy making a path to the hospital, he’s gonna need some help popping his Monster Cherry.

Vinland Saga: So Arnheid’s plan was a little different than I thought, she’s not sneaking in to see Gardar she’s just kinda… asking to come in and because Wolf left and can’t tell her to gfto she gets the one guy that will let her in, I like how she doesn’t even flirt to do it like she’s not a femme fatale she just shows up and looks pretty and the guy is just there for it. So yeah while they’re talking about a metaphorical storm it literally starts raining because Vinland Saga god has a sense of humor and Gardar pulls a Rick Grimes to bite the guard’s neck out and slaughters everyone when Arnheid cuts him free in a split second panic. Like honestly she was kinda against a wall here like ignoring the fact that it was a coin flip split second decision for her husband, even if she didn’t help him the guards are still gonna assume the guy with a chunk out of his neck had more to do with her than the guy that’s all tied up so she didn’t have much choice. Meanwhile back with Thorfinn and Einar, Thorfinn outlines his philosophy of dismantling the toxic masculinity of Norse culture and how defying cultural norms is better than just fucking murdering people that are mildly rude to you. Still he theorizes that if they can stop the root of endless wars they can kill two birds with one pacifist stone and end a large portion of the slave trade. Given slavery and human trafficking are STILL a thing we know this doesn’t quite work out but at least it’s not as normalized and prone to vast swaths of ‘we killed your guys that were good at killing so you belong to us now’ so uhhh… baby steps? Baby, thousand year long steps… Meanwhile the guards are searching their barn for Gardar and Arnheid which tips Thorfinn and Einar off that they’ve escaped and now they’ve got a decision to make about who to help with that.   

Was gonna add the two new shows this week but couldn't find some of them and ran out of time so I'll think more on what I want to watch this coming week and try to get some new additions for next weekend.

[anxiousxdreamer]

I'm pretty sure at the start of this year I said I'd make original posts more. Talk more, here. I think I said something about every day, but that certainly didn't happen. I do know that i DID talk more. I still won't implement a tagging system and I'm still more prone to keeping my- mouth? fingers? shut, but I did talk more. And I'm proud of myself for that. I think I've made a friend even, kinda, possibly. I'll be anxious about defining it that way forever don't mind me. And today I saw an old friend in person for the first time in years. (Her niece is taller than her now, when last i saw her she was probably hip-height on me, which was a HOLY SHIT moment)

I've played more games, I've talked more with my friends, I've wiggled and sang and attended two weddings. One of which I was in the party of, and the bride was an hour late (and in the building itself the whole time too). I'm stimming more, I'm trying to get shit solved with my doctor, I scheduled my top surgery. I still desperately need therapy and all I want is to move out of this damn house, but I guess I didn't sit around doing nothing even if it feels like I'm the same dumb fuck I've always been.

I still feel like a broken, pointless shell of a person. That something is deeply, intrinsically wrong with me and that it'll never be fixed. But I did talk more on tumblr, whatever that means for me lol

I'm ending this year with "The Last Goodbye" from In Space with Markiplier, which was also a thing that happened and it was fantastic and broke my heart.

I'm making my way backwards through the Elder Scrolls games. I finally finished Oblivion and I intend to tackle Morrowind next. Idk how I'm gonna force Daggerfall to work but I will! I have a feeling for both I will be using the Elder Scrolls wiki a LOT

The new year bites me in the ass harder than I think it would if my birthday wasn't the immediate following day. Every new years day is, quite literally, the day of impending "one year older" for me. I don't want to be scared of getting older. Actually I'm not scared of like, aging itself. I think I'll make a funky old man one day. (NOT to say I think I'm getting close to that. I'm turning 24, not 54 XD) I'll have creaky bones and wrinkly skin and hopefully a dick by then but that is still decades away lol and i get so annoyed when people my age are like "i'm so OLD" no tf you're not shut up. anyway-

I'm just... afraid that I'm not changing fast enough. I'm an adult but I'm stuck. I've always been stuck because I keep making stupid fucking choices. At this point it's nobody's fault but my own and I don't know how to fix it because I can't muster the energy to work hard enough to make like, more money. Idk. I'm very tired

Anyway, happy new year, happy almost-birthday to me, I'm off to get "drunk" and eat shrimp