#idk why but I need to be in some level of a hyper state to get even a half-reasonable paragraph out

[why-the-heck-not]

I’ve noticed that whenever I have to write anything, the amount of caffeine I drink pretty much doubles, so I think this spring semester is going to be the end of me actually (lots of writing)

[izzy-b-hands]

Rambling abt the half dream half nightmare that woke me up today below the cut. feel free to ignore, just need to vent it out somewhere. Probably going to include me talking abt Current Family Issues and Feelings so. yeah. TW for mentions of someone in hospital, death, religion, and overall family dysfunction lmao

I know that ultimately, right now, if something big and/or terrible happened medically to anyone in my family back in ND, I wouldn't be able to go see them. The money just isn't there (part of why I'm not going out there this summer nor are they coming out here at all.) I've accepted it, and I try not to think abt it.

That said, LOVE (read: HATE) my brain deciding a hyper realistic yet weird dream abt my mum winding up in hospital is the way to go this morning. Complete with:

-her bf refusing to speak to me abt it, and telling me not to bother going to visit her in the weird, somehow existing in both CT and ND simultaneously, hospital with a 'haven't you already been enough of a burden to her?'

-me staying in my grandparent's old house in ND, and for some reason that meant being wildly unable to get ready to go to the hospital. Finding my clothes was nearly impossible, but. all their old decorations were back up on the wall so even as I was searching for them I like. Didn't want to leave? As if the house would revert back to being sold like it has been irl, if i left it. Finally I wound up just stealing clothes from my grandfather's side of their closet (specifically his old 80s styled 'eagle on a tree branch' print sweater that he got forced to toss a few years ago bc it was becoming more holes than sweater, and one of his old, big leather jackets. somehow i found jeans that fit me, idk how considering i can't seem to do that irl rn but i digress)

-me showing up to the hospital FINALLY only for Noel Fielding?? to be sitting outside it with a friend dressed in what i can only describe as absolutely gorgeous future techno witch clothing. Unfortunately they were fucking dicks in this dream and scared the shit out of me by joking that 'it was so nice I'd shown up still despite the worst' and implying my mum had already passed. Noel did shout apologies as i stomped off inside and that as far as he knew she was still okay, but his friend is the one who handed me a wrapped in plastic, small, metal stool with a weird cartoon face on the seat so i could 'sit with her body, like sitting shiva, right?' (not like that at all to my knowledge, but then again my family has rarely to never fully followed any of the various religious rituals around death, we just. take the bits the dead person liked from them and ignore the rest, for better or for worse. Maybe that's just what happens when a family is a mishmash of various christian sorts from Catholic to Protestant with the hidden knowledge that actually, prior to ppl moving to the States, ppl in the family were Jewish but inter-marrying into Catholic families for safety-sake, and so any Jewish traditions used now are done wrongly and weirdly and in odd bits and pieces. At least that's as much as I've been told/have found out abt it, anyway)

-I proceed into this stupidly fancy and open concept hospital, to immediately find a hugr crowd mucking up the elevators (crowding the elevator bank and refusing to let others on.) That's where Con showed up, and helped me make it up the ridiculously wide, roundish staircases (think like. wide rounded stage steps, but for each level of this hospital), while also trying soothe me by telling me Housemate was already here and waiting for me, so were my grandparents and even Mum's bf (he promised to keep him away from me lol, it was v sweet in an otherwise filled with anxiety dream.)

-however, as we were struggling up the steps (also full of crowds, pushing each other around, so we literally had to hold hands and hold onto the railings and walls to avoid being shoved down the stairs), he kept hesitating on saying more abt mum. He tried to distract me by mentioning that, since I was here, the docs might want me to address some of my own health issues but that he wouldn't let them force me into any treatment i didn't want. Then he finally alluded to mum being in worse straits than I'd been told abt and said something to the effect of 'doing only what you can, not what she or others would expect of you' and 'not to set yourself on fire to keep someone else alive' plus admitting he was deeply worried my family was abt to force me into a big decision that absolutely wasn't the ONLY treatment option that would help mum, but it was implied to be the one mum's bf and my grandparents were pushing for.

-still dunno exactly what that option was, but just before i woke up i started hearing the latter part of the song Gethsemane from JCS (Housemate and I have been watching various versions irl this weekend lol), specifically the bit where Jesus dares/begs/etc God to see how he dies. This was accompanied by me finally reaching my mum's hospital room, and a stupid bright light emanating from it and like. Not to critique my own brain and the dream it created, but that was far too on the nose for me personally lmao.

-and I woke up thinking abt the call with my grandparents that I had on Thursday (didn't go super poorly but went. kind of weird and uncomfortable and confirmed again that like. they're happy for me being out here in CT, yet at the same time hold it and my happiness against me to some unconscious degree as originally outright confirmed by Mum in an earlier call her and I had like. Tail end of last year lmao. the main crux seeming to be 'why couldn't i find happiness in ND/what's wrong with all of them/why wasn't i willing to keep trying to make my life work in ND regardless of my happiness/don't i know how hard it is without my being there to help everyone whenever they ask/etc family bullshit')

And now I'm laying here thinking. If the Worst would happen for any of them, they would fully expect me to empty my bank accounts and do whatever else i had to, to get to ND not just to see them, but to help. to take care of as much as possible for them (mum and grandma get decision paralysed by sad/scary life events, my aunt is so uncomfortable with sickness and death she won't do hospital visits or funerals at all anymore for anyone, my cousins...are young enough they won't know how to handle it/won't want to, my grandpa tends to just shut down and isolate when things go to shit, and that's not to say that they all don't still get done things that need doing in these situations, but that they DO all usually need prodding and help and have leaned on me for that since i was a kid.)

And i would of course want to see them/help however i could, but. not to that extent. not to the point that I'd have nothing for myself, no money or help (bc they're not in a position to return that help or money to me, and they'd be so emotional as to likely be extremely offended and upset if i mentioned needing help myself.)

That said, I'm sick of silently daring them to watch me die just for their sakes, even tho i do still love them all dearly. and of course, that's entirely too dramatic but at the same time, Mum and I have had convos abt 'what if there's a shooting somewhere that we're at, how do we handle it, how are we attempting to protect each other' and Mum always says she would take a bullet for me, but she didn't protest when i say that I'd take one for her or anyone else in the family first. Last time she just nodded like. yeah. of course you would. so. Feelings, abt all of this.

If u actually read this full thing that was A. very sweet of u and i appreciate that u care abt my silly lil fucked up brain enough to do that (genuinely, I'm v grateful) and b. here is a pic of Nisha as what little compensation i can give for u reading this long ass ramble lol

[entiish]

void ranting under cut xox 🫶🏾 

im in my feels rn it’s been like FIFTEEN YEARS on this platform, and writing/creating/fancasting etc has been my safe space and beloooved by me for about seventeen years at this point....  and im just high and emo and reflecting so this is NO BEARING if ur following me for musings or gifs or any of my creations 💜💜 

anyway

you know whats wild?? after i was mobbed by the Toxic rpc fandom and some RP partners about a decade ago — i’m taking breakdown crying hyperventilating level of carnage i went thru — , i took a break and when i came back i took on a whole new persona (and also only rped in controlled environments) but this person who was a white aussie, or an ASSUMED white aussie by everyone around.   i think thats bc a lot of people have hella misconceptions about australia and aussies and out multiculturalism but i digress)       idk why, aside from some weird online racism trauma ig, and fear.  like so much anxiety and fear.  and i used to often play two different aliases, or id eventually cave and make a second, just so i could be my authentic self even if my face or name wasnt shared.    but i could also be my pretend self who felt safer online at that time.   and like??? its so INSANE to think about late-teen me who did that.   bc it was still me, and i was just living in this Hyper Reactionary state where i was so sure that i would be targeted again so i kept switching myself around as both protection from those people (i STILL remember their aliases to this day)   ----- but like.. in the last few years those two personas meshed ig?? so even tho ill always be Aware and on the lookout for those people, i dont find myself as an adult reaching to hide online anymore. i’ll NEVER make the mistake of sharing my actual name online again but i dont feel the protective need to split myself into two pieces or hide my race out of fear of someone recognising me as the ‘mexican aussie’ anymore  — and thats not me being an ass, we’re straight a rare breed on this platform, like supER rare. how many aussies have yall rped with fr? and how many of those were of mexican heritage?? EXACTLY. point is, its definitely obvious and im cool w that now

the catch is tho, by trying to protect myself back then i lied to a lot of people to make myself “seem” more acceptable, which is so fucked up bc A) ive ALWAYS been acceptable as i am    & B) !!!! i made myself into a liar and i hate that and i struggle w that a lot, like to this day. i am sure that these people who developed bonds with the ‘white’ me will feel hurt by my actions and that makes me feel awful bc i never meant to do that.      & C) i’m too scared to go back and pick up old muses or work i spent time in etc, rp things that ive loved so deeply bc some where played by the ‘white’ me, and the others would have been played by my more autheNtic me. (EVEN THO. THEY’RE THE SAME PERSON.) and if someone i cared about who doesnt know this happened upon it, then refer to point B.

my point is that i made a mess for myself by being driven into a place where i didnt feel safe being me.    i’m not in that mindspace anymore but the mess i made still haunts me sometimes 😓

[probably-haven]

How Visions Work(Theory)

genshin spoilers

there’s a lot of headcanons about the effect of visions on the body temperature of the characters with pyro or cryo visions but a lot of them stop there an i want to propose we take it one step further

so the general agreement is that pyro users run hot and cryo characters run cold but imma take a moment to talk about the science of that real quick.

if something feels warm, its because the object is expelling heat from itself to its outside environment(itself losing warmth) if something feels cold, its because it’s absorbing and taking the heat from the outside environment into itself(itself gaining warmth)

which actually matches up pretty well with how i believe their visions work which ill cover before getting into what i think that means

pyro visions work by absorbing the users body heat and before then expelling it into the environment when they wish to use it. When the vision reaches what is essentially its max storage capacity, it resumes working at normal, absorbing heat from the user until it’s used, but at this point it stabilizes, because the pyro energy built up within begins overflowing into the nearby environment, a majority of it returning to the user to keep their body temperature from getting too dangerously out of wack. But by passing through the vision, the body heat is converted into pyro energy and made more intense, so the surplus tends to linger around the user, hence the heat that can be felt when touching or around them. the user can then use their powers with either the pyro energy stored in the vision, or that which still lingers around them. 

cryo visions on the other hand work in a bit more of a complicated manor. like pyro visions and other visions, most of the energy that they get is from interaction with the user, in this instance, steadily taking heat from the environment that would have naturally have been observed by the vision had it been any other inanimate object and passing in through the vision and into the user, the process creating of the heat leaving the vision creating cryo energy, a sort of anti-heat vaccuum-like substance, which once it reaches it’s max, overflows in a way similar to the pyro vision, leaking into the nearby environment, helping to balance the user’s body temperature while the remainder lingers around them, absorbing heat from the environment. the user can then use the energy stored in the vision(less than pyro because more steps means less room) or that which still lingers around them (more because less room means more over flow), plus they need more surplus in order to balance cuz their temperature is more volatile

visions do however possess the ability to begin expelling energy early should the user’s body temperature become too dangerous, an ability that is missing from delusions of the corresponding element

-

this leads me to have a few headcanons that i really like because im obsessed with angst

1. contrary to what you might believe, after using a significant amount of their powers, Pyro users are are absolutely cold to the touch(cuz the lack of surplus energy leaves nothing to disguise or raise their low body temperature as the constantly absorbing heat to refuel) and Cryo users feel hot (the lack of surplus energy doing nothing to disguise or lower their high body temperature as the vision is constantly having to expel surrounding heat into the user in order to refuel cryo energy)

2. however during this state they are also the least likely to leave behind traces of elemental energy(like those that can be seen with elemental sight) 

3. this cycling of energy actually makes a vision behave more like a part of the user that also serves its own role in maintaining homeostasis (makes it so losing a vision is quite literally comparable to losing an organ)

4. until the vision has enough stored energy for surplus to linger, Cryo users are prone to over heating and Pyro users are prone to the opposite

5. this rapid and common changing of internal body temperature also tends to weaken their immune systems

6. the lingering surplus of energy is also more easy to manipulate than the stored energy, so while it lingers, it has a tendency to be easily influenced by the user’s emotions. 

7. yes this means accidentally freezing and setting things on fire during emotional extremes, or more subtle effects for those that are less extreme

8. in dragonspine, Cyro users are actually weaker but healthier. The lack of heat to cycle through their vision and body means less cryo energy is created, but less heat is there to build up in their bodies

9. Pyro users on the other hand- are in real big danger, unless they made sure to have large amounts of elemental energy before hand. They take longer at the torches they like because they need every bit of heat to raise their naturally low temperature and to make more pyro energy to both light the next torch, and to constantly have enough surplus that it doesn’t just steadily drain all the pyro they have. 

10. a lot of the pyro users are overly energetic and active and move around alot, which is known to raise body temperature, and whould help with this, then there’s hu tao who while energetic is not all that active, but i think her job of “guarding the border” makes her more tolerant of the low body temperature. similar to yanfei’s constitution as an adeptus. Bennet is energetic but doesn’t move around quite as much and all, but... his luck is bad enough that he just thinks everyone feels like/has to deal with that. and Diluc- we’ve all seen the fluffy jacket. Klee constantly setting grass on fire and otherwise being hyper. Amber, gliding champion of mondstad, “i feel like running” Amber. Yoimiya is pretty active and works around fire. I dont have Xinyan so i dont know for sure in her case but i assume it fits the bill. 

11. as for cryo characters- Qiqi is a zombie and Ganyu is half adeptus, different constitution. A lot of the characters are or try to be more calm and level headed, known for being kind of “slackers” to use kaeya’s words, though by this i mean they dont do excessive physical activity outside of training and that which is necessary. Diona is a bartender, often staying in one place, the opposite of pyro, keeping her body temperature down. Ayaka rarely leaves the kamisato estate. Chongyun is complicated- more on him later. Rosaria known for shirking her church duties and being basically lazy, the same as Kaeya. And Eula- i actually dont have an explanation- maybe just... the training to endure- like that one test where you have to walk through dragonspine all fancy without being thrown off. 

now as for Chongyun

him with his popsicles and yang energy, needing to maintain a cool body temperature at all times as a result of his constitution 

i mentioned a failsafe of visions, where should their users’ body temperature lean to dangerously to any one extreme, the vision will begin releasing the stored elemental energy early.

Chongyun’s however doesn’t store energy at all, instead immediately expelling all cryo energy it makes as soon as it forms so it can immediately absorb any dangerous body heat that Chongyun was exposed to in it’s making. This means that the surplus energy(the type more likely to be accidentally manipulated by emotions) around Chongyun is more than most other cryo users would have.

however, the balance is really fragile because his temperature is kept from getting out of hand almost entirely by his vision so external factors are extremely dangerous, as there is a still a cooldown between the transfer of heat the release of cryo energy- so unexpected sources of heat can cause a rapid rise in already fragile temperature that runs its course and wreaks havoc on the childe before the cryo energy is able to balance it out- and the problem is- with the surplus being easily manipulated by emotions, the sudden rise in temperature has a tendency to activate it, using it up and leaving him without a source of temperature regulation, which only worsens the problem. at which point the vision probably begins storing cryo energy until theres enough built up to reset his body temperature in one go- which usually ends with him passed out.

anyways i had a lot more planned to write but if i kept going i fear how long it’d get- i just think it has potential to evolve into a lot of cool things and theories for how the world works, and reflect the archons..... let me explain that-

so assuming anemo energy is created bey absorbing and then renewing the oxygen in the user’s blood, as opposed to dangerous body temperatures, it tends to have an anemic affect on their wielders, hence why all the anemo vision users have this tired air to them, Xiao’s... Xiao-ness- he just looks exhausted, Jean’s constant exhaustion that totally isnt made any better by her workload, Kazuha’s general calm relaxed disposition, and sucrose’s general demeanor- idk i just think anemo vision wielders give off anemic vibes, until they have enough surplus for the taken oxygen to replenish

except for venti- who doesn’t actually use a vision, who is literally a wind sprite, made of air- always running around and being all energetic- because he doesn’t face these problems- if anything he has extra energy and air to use. He’s basically the opposite. (windrise may have some weight in this-)

which means other archons may model this-

im not sure about geo but with electro

assuming that the constant transfer of electricity through the user’s body would eventually have a frying effect that shortens their lifespan over time(an idea largely inspired by Lisa’s voice line on visions and other theories on it) then Baal’s steady eternity serves as another opposite to this and yet pursuing eternity it becomes odd that she would give visions at all, so i feel archons must get some benefit from giving visions or she wouldn’t have done it-

but anyways imma stop now- hopefully someone found this interesting and runs with it, but if not it makes sense too

... actually geo might have something to do with an erosion-like metaphor, similar to what was brought up in the azdaha fight

still thinking about hydro tho, and im not even gonna bother with dendro

....

..... can you tell that I kin Sucrose and Albedo yet? It’s not even funny istg it’s becoming a problem .... actually scratch that i have a dark sense of humor, its kinda pretty funny

[aetheve]

your favorite character - Idia Shroud

favorite teachers - Crewel

zodiac - Gemini sun, Pisces moon

rice purity test score - idk what that is

the most appealing things abt you - My wit and understanding nature??

book smarts

my phone is ‘super soaking wet 🥺😫😖💦in every sense of the word

introvert

cats

Dandelions by Ruth B at the moment

Follow

I like to read, write and just stare at the stars. I love to ride a swing, and love to daydream. I have a small group of friends who I am comfty with. outside of that I don't like to talk to people. I can spend hours doing something if I love it. I forget to take breaks and take care of myself-

I hope that's okay! Thanks

—- 🐕‍🦺 WELCOME TO IGNIHYDE! a dorm based on the king of the underworld's spirit of diligence. twisted from hercules.

you and idia are like mother and son at times. you’re strict when it comes to his well being and he’s appreciative of that, but stop trying to take away his computer :/ it’s annoying.

you, daily, visit sams shop to see if he has anything new that idia can use. as thanks he lets you test out the thing he created out of the pieces you’d give him. some times they’re specifically for you to be able to keep savanaclaw away, annoying as they are.

your best friend is ortho! you two babysit idia ALL THE TIME! you often hyper focus, so you and ortho keep track of notes for his big brother and hardly mind because, he’s your dorm leader.

your close group outside your dorm consists of: jamil, trey, and riddle! you can often find jamil and trey cooking together, while they do you and riddle test them for upcoming exams, it’s a lot of fun! trey and cater always pay you a visit, despite how scared cater is, to make sure your taking care of yourself. jamil makes you take breaks when studying together, there’s no need to worry about that.

everyone goes to you when they need help with anything, you’re kinda like the parent of ignihyde. and idia plans on making you the next house warden because you’re dependability. also because ortho is quite young.

“that star is prettyyy!” you sang looking into the gigantic telescope you and ortho brought to a clearing.

“that’s not a star actually, that is actually a dwarf planet—”

“so… pluto?”

“what - what’s a ‘pluto?’

“ah, nothing! ortho, come look at this!”

“no need, i can see what you’re seeing from the computer.”

“but it’s better through the telescope. come over here!” you carried him to the device.

“oh, this is cool!”

“and the hard work we put in bring ing it here adds to the experience!” you gently elbowed your house warden as if the statement was directed to him.

“i put in the hard w-work of building it!” he retorted, taking your statement with an unnecessary level of seriousness.

“please, with your skill i doubt this was any sort of challenge.”

“i-i’ll have you know, this was actually more complicated than you’d bel-believe!”

“yeah, i don’t believe you in the slightest.” you winked, joining your smaller friend and leaving your flustered dorm leader to watch.

“bingo! that’s correct!” you clapped, you were quizzing trey while he taught jamil how to make tarts and that was his 80th correct question in a row.

“i expect nothing less of the vice leader of heartslaybul.” riddle stated proudly, leaning back on the clear counter. “my turn!”

“riddle, this’d be your 6th time proving your going to ace this test. why not give jamil a turn, hm?”

“very well then! jamil?” he continued when jamil nodded in acknowledgment, “when on a broom it is most important that you…?”

“find your core and maintain balance.” he replied without hesitation, placing the nearly finished tarts in the oven.

“huh, okay.. what about descent? what do you know about that?”

“when in mid air try to descend at the same speed as your breathing, which should be at a steady 4 second inhale and 8 second exhale. be sure to make sure there is nothing you can crash into within 3 feet of your landing area.”

“he actually paid attention to that…” riddle noted looking at you with surprise.

trey and jamil gave you looks of amusement at the sight of your conflicted whispering. you looked like little kids, not a sight often made of the strict dorm leader of heartslaybul. “give them a moment,” trey mumbled, a volume only audible to the scarabian beside him.

“hum, we held a vote!” you giggled, seeing riddle’s slightly defeated expression was funny.

“would you.. would you like to join our study group?”

dorm assignments!

[stitch1830]

Hi, I think i left my hat here,

Ive just seen your idea on Kanto being kidnapped instead of killed and I raise you Toph getting kidnapped, potentially when still pregnant with Lin or Child 2 or maybe when they just have Lin? Do you think Kanto would be able to cope? Would he get help from the gang and how do you think little Linny would be affected if this was after she was born?

HAT ANON HI welcome back! I've got your hat here, but feel free to leave it in the ring if you want more convos (You can also take it and come back LOL :)

Great questions, and I'm in my Kantoph feels right now so I'm going to answer all scenarios haha!

If Toph was pregnant and kidnapped: I see Kanto going into a very emotional, primarily rage-induced state. He'd be hyper focused on getting her back and would likely do illegal stuff to get the answers he needs to find her. People aren't gonna be able to talk him down from anything because his family is literally missing and he doesn't know where they are and that would terrify him. He'd be obsessed with his mission, and when he gets her back... I can see him breaking down or being super strong and supportive for Toph until she's comfortable again. I'm leaning toward the former and having them comfort each other because the situation was traumatic for both of them and they want to help each other.

If Toph was kidnapped but Lin was like one: I feel like Kanto would still have a bit of an obsession with finding Toph, but his anger would be muted to keep a 'level act' when he's around Lin. I kind of have Lin as a Daddy's girl, so I don't see her as inconsolable during this time, but she would still be very confused and sad as to why Mama wasn't around to play with or something. And it would be apparent in Kanto's attitude that something was wrong and Lin would probably pick up on it like the smart baby she is lol. Lots of hugging and consoling each other while Kanto does everything he can to find Toph. After, I think Toph might be detached from them (depending on what happened to her) and keep her distance (she probably wouldn't know how to deal with the emotions). So Kanto would probably take the responsibilities and slowly try and help her ease back into society. Very similar to what Toph would do for Kanto. And Lin might have separation issues after, like she doesn't want to leave the presence of her parents because for some reason, she worries that they aren't coming back.

If Toph was kidnapped and pregnant and Lin was like one: Kanto would probably be an emotional wreck, very similar to the above scenarios, maybe even paralyzed from all the different emotions he's feeling and who he should prioritize: his pregnant wife or his actual baby? I feel like in the scenario where Lin is around, in the back of his mind he knows to prioritize Lin only because Toph would kill him if he neglected her. But in this situation... he'd be very torn I think he wouldn't be able to make a decision.

I see the whole Gaang helping with finding Toph. I feel like Katara and Zuko might be much more active when it comes to finding her because they know Kanto well and they spend a lot of time together now. But I also think Sokka would be secretly coordinating a ton of search and rescue missions. He'd be just as driven as Kanto in finding Toph, but he might not be so open about showing it? Idk this is if he still has feelings for her. Otherwise, I think the whole Gaang would show a similar amount of urgency and desire to find their friend because they all have a very different and special connection with Toph.

I think that answers all the questions... Thanks for the ask, Anon! Always lovely to chat haha. Feel free to ask more questions or send in HCs. Thanks again, and I hope you have a great day! :)

[vaguely-concerned]

The Mandalorian Chapter 13 reactions

Well, that was... well. in short I quite enjoyed some of what happened while din was there and I didn’t really care about what happened while he wasn’t there lol. I think it’s becoming increasingly clear that I just don’t care for the episodes dave filoni writes for this show, which is simply a matter of taste I guess. 

(if you loved this episode wholeheartedly -- probably look away now, I’m going to be a bit of a downer about it and I don’t want to shit on your joy haha)

- let’s just get this out of the way first: there’s a lot of stuff around rosaria dawson and transphobia in real life and yeah, of course that affects how I watch the show. I don’t even want to talk that much about ahsoka in this because of it. she was not that good in the role, after seeing how it played out I don’t think the character needed to be in this show at all, and she should never have gotten the role in the first place and that’s about it for what I’ve got to say. 

- dave filoni consistently does things with din’s characterization that feels off and weird to me, subtly out of place with what we see in other episodes (he’s... ruder? more short tempered/cocky/actively or aggressively interpersonal? more prone to express himself directly than he is usually? idk how to describe it but filoni!din always feels one step to the left of what he should be and I’m so hyper-attuned to this character that when something’s a bit iffy with him it throws everything else off haha. it feels like a shallower, more convenient read on him and I don’t like it)  

I also think filoni is almost too familiar with and in love with the source material sometimes? “A Mandalorian and a Jedi? They’ll never see it coming” is undeniably a great line that echoes in decades of deep lore and so on, but dave my good man din had no real idea what a jedi even is until literally this morning. we, the audience, know about this long and storied history, but unless ahsoka spent the afternoon explaining it to him din still only knows the faint outlines of it, he has no personal experience of or attachment to it. it’s not bad, as such, it just rings false to the character based tone of the show for me personally 

- positivity break: baby sitting perched on the dashboard to be close to papa while they’re in hyperspace........sd sdfskdjhfdsakjksdhfkasjd  

also this is some full on madonna and child in the manger shit and I am LIVING for it (odds he’s crying quietly behind the helmet here? pretty damn good if you ask me). the mundanity of what’s essentially the shitty spartan bathroom of the razor crest on one side contrasted with the light and tenderness and love on the other? amazing, a perfect microcosm of what this show does with combining the grittier everyday down to earth stuff in the star wars universe with myth and wonder and magic and through it elevating both

 - the idea of having an iconique samurai/sword duel standoff and a western standoff going on simultaneously is genuinely inspired, but in action it didn’t really work for me. (the sword duel stuff needs these moments of stillness with sudden outbursts of violence and then stillness again, the western standoff needs mounting tension until it’s nearly unbearable, and cutting between them the way they did you sort of didn’t get either to its full potential. again it’s a cool idea, though, I hope someone picks it up and does it better at some point)

- seeing a jedi and a mandalorian wander together through a burned out wasteland left desolate by greed and warfare should have hit me harder than it did but for some reason it didn’t, idk. thematically sound, though, I like it a lot on the metaphor level

- I LOVE that pure beskar makes a specific sound, and that it’s an almost ethereal noise like the high clear chime of a distant bell. also now din has something to fight light sabers with that isn’t the dark saber which makes me so happy because you guys I do not want him to be the mand’alor. keep that funky laser sword away from my dad, apart from killing him at the end that is literally the most boring way to end his arc pls do NOt 

- wow they really went in hard on the samurai stuff in this one huh! there is a part of my mchanzo-loving heart that thrives on seeing a space cowboy and a space samurai team up, *wild otp-fuelled whisper* they’re twin genres inextricably entwined okay they belong together if you see this spreadsheet I’ve made over here -- 

- even knowing it was just a trick I felt such intense distress seeing the signet pauldron away from din. like the attachment I have to these pieces of metal because That Armour Means Dad... wild  

- they really chose the dumbest name possible for the baby huh fsajdfhsaj I agree with din his name is ‘kid’ now (eh just give me a while to get used to it probably I’ll come around)

also... you know what I’ve said before about shrinking the big unknowable galaxy ‘the mandalorian’ has been setting up? wow did they do that big time in this one, and it makes me feel decidedly :/. why does the baby have to come from the jedi temple, is there truly no other tradition of force users in the entire galaxy he could be from? WHY do you have to pull thrawn into this when most people watching this show won’t even know why he’s such a big deal? is this a stealth tease for a rebels sequel? if so why spend an entire episode of this show that only gets eight precious episodes a season on it??   

- on a more fun positive note: baby’s clothes are clean again, so it’s confirmed that din does wash them (and I guess that he does have some means of washing clothes aboard the razor crest!). I loved... most of the dad and baby stuff in this one, but then don’t I always I’m easy to please that way haha (the ‘playing catch’ sequence felt a bit off to me but I don’t know why. din being like ‘he’s so stubborn’ wasn’t... eh. didn’t land right. “that would be a first” was fun tho lol) 

- having ahsoka state the baby’s feelings out loud like that felt... weird? and also kind of unnecessary in parts, like yeah he’s a baby who’s been passed along to different groups of strangers and experimented on by empire scientists, you don’t need to spell it out for me that he’s been scared and lonely, or at least spell it out more interestingly? it’s such blunt force storytelling where it didn’t need to be? there are more elegant ways to get the same things across, I am absolutely convinced 

- ...wow while I was watching the episode I was mostly like ‘okay this is Fine I can go along with it’ but seeing what I’m thinking about in hindsight... yeah probably my least favourite episode of this show full stop haha, it took the spot from chapter 5 which was also a filoni ep

- I did 100% genuinely adore the whole part of din approaching the town and meeting the magistrate. consistently hiding the baby behind his cape and his arm? being deliberately, teeth-grindingly dispassionate with everyone, just giving them nothing? getting to see a bit of professional bounty hunter din again? wonderful in every way, I love this man  

- lots of meaningful shots of baby in the middle with a mando on one side and a jedi on the other, it’s almost like they’re setting up some Themes here lol 

- ...do you think din told ahsoka about either the rhino-levitating or the force choking. because girl I don’t think not training him is going to make this just go away haha, he just won’t know what he’s doing  

- it makes me so sad that baby connects his force powers with being abused :( (also a heartbreaking sign of just how much he cared about din from the very beginning, since he used it on the mudhorn to save him anyway ;________; was that like. literally the first time he sensed kindness and affection in anyone in like twenty five years or... ) 

- I understand why ahsoka would feel this way because of her past and specific traumas, but tbh attachment in a baby? probably a good thing, he doesn’t really have the higher brain functions to cultivate non-attachment yet and needs a safe figure because again. he is a baby. 

good on her for realizing it’s not a task she can take on both for the baby’s sake and her own, and also that din is that baby’s Dad though. the way she smiled at the end watching them leave seemed vaguely hopeful/had a little bit of wonder in it, like maybe she felt the potential for something good there, something she couldn’t conceptualize from her background but could sense the tentative outlines of anyway?  

(also so much pressure on a lil bb to decide his path... his dilemmas should be limited to what colour socks he wants to wear today not the course of his entire life :( I know he’s a magic baby but.......) 

- idk maybe I’ll find more affection of this episode through rewatches, you never know

[silver-wield]

FF7R: Cloud’s hyper vigilance

Since this has come up a few times in the last couple of days I figured I'd stick it all in one place so everyone can see just how differently Cloud behaved pre and post sim cut scene.

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven’t played – do I still need to do this? Eh ok, (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it’s gonna be long.

Also, this is one person’s interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that’s cool and we’ll agree to disagree.

You’re also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I’m grabbing them from Youtube and it’s frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want. Idk why they’re blurry or different sizes this time, so sorry about that and just bear with me.

Please check my master post to see if I've already covered your question, thanx

Let's mosey!

Before Cloud sees the love of his life run through by Sephiroth, he is attentive towards her, which we already knew, but he wasn't overly attentive. He looked to her to make sure she was ok, but he trusted that she'd be ok without him watching her every move.

Cloud turns his head only. Before that he was facing forward and not turned towards Tifa. He looks at her when they're talking, but doesn't move his entire body. Tbf, this is the part where Tifa fell 30+ft and said she thought she'd die for sure, which likely put Cloud in a more attentive state towards her anyway, but after that came the stairs or elevator, so he probably calmed down again. There's no threats between that moment and the sim, so he shouldn't feel the need to become overprotective towards Tifa. Seeing threats everywhere when there aren't any is a very bad sign, so it's a good thing Cloud didn't change after that first event.

Tifa gets stabbed and Cloud's reaction is heartbreaking. He doesn't know it's not real at this point. This is genuine shock and grief. He's failed her. There's no undoing this. The look on his face as he tries to locate Sephiroth is murderous. It morphs into shock when he sees Barret dead, too. He's let them both down.

This is during the talk with Hart before they leave the sim. Cloud was literally just facing Tifa talking to her. He knows she's there. He has no reason to check on her again, other than he's worried what'll happen if he can't see her.

Not even in the office yet. They're in the archive and Tifa's just moved forward to look around and Cloud has turned so they're lined up. He's obviously still shaken by the sim and feels the need to keep her within reach in case she needs saving.

In the office and Cloud again half turns so that he is more in line with Tifa's position. Why does Cloud feel threatened during this point? Because he doesn't know Domino and it could be a trap. Common sense he wants to keep an eye on the person he wants to keep alive.

Things only escalate from this point. The degree by which Cloud turns depends on how stressed/worried he is at that point. He doesn't know Hart or Domino, but he's less threatened than in later locations, so doesn't feel as much pressure to keep Tifa within arm's reach, which explains why the degree he turns by is less than other times.

During the atrium section, Cloud seems to relax a little. The threat reduces for him and he begins to lower his hyper vigilance towards Tifa. The sim event seems like he was overreacting maybe and he doesn't have to keep as close an eye on her. It was all just messing with his head and he needs to focus. Soldier Cloud gets him back on mission.

But that's when he suffers a different kind of stressful event that pushes him to a breaking point and he cries. 

Cloud's stress levels begin rising again with the introduction of Hojo to the mix. He withdraws into himself, but even then he keeps some of his focus on Tifa's position. We can see here he is turned towards her, which accomplishes two goals. He's made himself a smaller target for Hojo, but also he can leap towards Tifa more easily if something happens.

It's during this event that Cloud has given up his position as leader. Barret takes control of the dialogue and later during the drum he gives Cloud orders, which are followed without argument. Cloud is doing the bare minimum needed to interact with people. He's focused on his goals. Protect Tifa. Save Aerith. Anything else is getting ignored.

Aerith's room after Cloud's collapse and you can see he's lined up with Tifa again, while talking to Aerith. It's even more obvious in the close up before this, but since Tifa wasn't visible I chose the longer shot because Cloud doesn't move from that shot to this and I'm not in the mood to deal with anyone trying to say I'm imagining things. I'm not.

This is even more obvious. Cloud is standing behind Tifa, lined up with her. On purpose. He moved to this position before we got control of him back. He's just gone through a very stressful event with the Jenova thing and he's not in a good head space in general. Focusing on Tifa may well be a comfort thing for him as well. If he focuses on her then he doesn't have to think about himself.

After reuniting with the girls and checking in with them, Cloud reorients his body to Tifa's position. The drum is one massive threat and Cloud's living through his nightmares with the medical room and the experiments. The last thing he wants is for something to happen to Tifa under his nose.

Right after the above screen we see he's once again lined up with her position before control comes back to us.

Lined up with Tifa's position again. I really don't have much else to say about this. It's all highlighting Cloud's anxiety after seeing her die in front of him. If he keeps her in line with himself then he can save her.

And again, Cloud turns to where Tifa is. There's other people around, but he's only speaking to her. Only looking at her. She is his priority at this point. The others are along for the ride.

Now, I'm sure someone will try and point out that she's the one driving the truck, but that doesn't explain why he's only talking to her and doesn't include the others. He was facing front until a moment before he spoke. He could've raised his voice to include everyone in a general “let's go” way, but he chose to turn to Tifa and speak to her exclusively.

And turns to her again. This is actually the third time he turns to check on her position, but the times before that were glances back because the threat was in front of them (Sephiroth). He didn't need to turn and check on her because he was already in the ideal position to save her.

After the arbiter battle, when they're in that between place which has something to do with CC with its sky and water imagery, we see Tifa walk into Cloud's peripheral vision and him turn towards her to check she's ok. He only turns away when he asks Aerith a question.

Last scene of the game and even though Cloud is talking to the others and his head is turned towards them, his body is lined up exactly with Tifa's position.

In conclusion.

I know some of yall are gonna be awww he loves her so much he can't bear to let her out of his sight. Yeah, ok, you're right, but at the same time, Cloud is very anxious. He's become that worried about Tifa's safety that he can't help but keep her in view at all times. The only time he's not focused on her is when there's an actual threat he needs to deal with because then he knows where the problem is and how to take care of it. It's during those moments between threats that he's become hyper vigilant towards her, even more than he was before he thought she died.

Before the sim, he was attentive, but trusted she could deal with most problems. He figured either she could handle it or he'd get there in time.

After the sim, he still trusts her, but he doesn't trust himself to keep her safe, which is why he's become even more watchful towards her.

I’m guessing this is gonna go towards his eroding sense of identity through the rest of the game until he shatters and we get the lifestream event where Tifa puts him back together again.

[feynavaley]

It’s always bothered me when people say Alfred and Matthew are evenly matched in strength. Like, I’m Canadian, and I can admit that our country is no where near as powerful as the US. In a 1-1 battle we’d definitely lose to them (unless it’s 1812). Idk if any of this made sense but I hope you understand 😅

Hey anon I SO agree with you! Is Canada a developed country? Sure it is! But, it’s nowhere near to the level of America, and I think this should also be reflected in the personification. That’s why I think Canada should be younger than America and definitely not as extraordinarily strong as his brother is.

On the other hand, you also have to consider that Canada-personification isn’t exactly the same as Canada-real country. Matthew might have some characteristics that don’t belong to the real country but to him as a person – one of them being superstrength.

I know that some people claim that Canada is as strong as America based on the fact he once managed to keep the door closed in spite of America trying to force it open.

Source: Hetalia World Stars – Chapter 198

However, I don’t think that this is proof of Canada being equal in strength to America. He was in a moment of intense distress, this might have made him temporarily react more strongly than he would normally have.

If anything, I think that canon material actually hints at Canada being weaker than America, judging by the infamous baseball scene.

Source: Fly, Mr. Canada, Fly! (hetarchive.net)

Canada just can’t seem to able to keep up with America, I think it definitely looks like he doesn’t possess the same physical strength.

However, I also have to admit that this is not explicitly stated but a matter of interpretation. People might just have a different one.

To be perfectly honest, I am of the opinion that one of the most widespread portrayals of Canada is quite OOC. People almost seem to want to emasculate him at any cost, and not in a good way. They take the two times out of the entire series he snapped and make him sarcastic, snarky, and even cruel – completely ignoring all the other times Canada was shown to be at core a shy and kind person weighted down by severe self-worth and self-esteem issues. Always in this optic, people like to make Canada America’s equal in strength or even stronger.

I certainly don’t share this view and I don’t like it – I think it’s quite sad that a character can’t be appreciated as his gentle and insecure self but has to be turned into some sort of hyper-strong and cruel edgelord. Besides, Canada is strong. He’s strong because he’s kind and selfless and, in spite of his insecurities, he forces himself to keep a positive outlook. He doesn’t need to have extraordinary physical strength as well to be an outstanding character. On the other hand, I have no right to dictate other people’s interpretation.

In conclusion, I definitely agree with you on the matter, but I cannot change how other people think. I can only avoid interacting with content I don’t like and produce my own. Hopefully, by seeing another interpretation, other people will consider it as well! 😊

[bloodfcst-a]

Hey, y’all. Tumblr’s been setting off my anxiety in the last few days, thus the reason I’ve been away. I’ll give you a full explanation under the cut for those who are interested (though I’d really appreciate it if you all read it anyway), and provide some contact information for places you can find me.

Discord: conjure. ☆#6443 Twitch: ninabeanxo Twitter: mishtadelet

I’ve been kind of quiet on Discord lately & I’m the most active on Twitter. I also announce when I’m streaming on Twitter, so... yeah. Sorry about this.

I want to be here. I really do. But there’s something about the summers on Tumblr that are really hard on me. I also think people’s attitudes change & idk why, but people seem to treat me pretty rudely? I try so hard to be approachable, to be kind and positive and supportive, but the amount that people try to take advantage of me or are just plain rude to me is?? So wild. So for those reasons, I’ve just kind of been isolating myself lately, and I may seem a little distant/less approachable/not talking much about myself because tbh... some of y’all are just haphazardly setting off my anxiety / panic attacks and I seriously can’t do it. I already have PTSD, so it’s a fucking nightmare lmao.

There is no gentle way of saying this, but it really needs to be stated. Please respect my triggers, or I will not talk to you. Please respect if I ask you not to mention something or someone to me.

and this is a really big one....

Please respect my boundaries.

If I have mentioned to you that I am not vibing with someone, do not send me media of them / that includes them, do not ask me about ships with them, do not tag me in posts of / with them, and please stop asking me about group verses / affiliated servers. In my time on tumblr, I’ve dealt with theft, bullying, emotional abuse, sexual harassment & solicitation. I’m constantly asking myself ‘ Why me? ’ but more than that, I’m really trying to avoid further situations from happening. I haven’t found an answer. I’m guessing it’s ‘cause I’m soft / nice? idk. Stop ruining a good thing. Y’all are gonna make me bitter, dang. 

When I made this blog, I was explicit that I do not want to be in mainstream FF fandom. When I promo this blog, I even say primarily fandomless & canon-divergent. There is way too much messiness in the fandom, extremely toxic people & tendencies there, and I just don’t like fandom discussion. Regardless of my reasons, the point is that I’m not interested, so please stop trying to entice me to go back. It’s so blatantly rude & shows you think your interests & wishes are more important than my comfort level, and I don’t appreciate that sentiment in the slightest.

That being said, I know Yufi reads differently. That’s why I put so much work into her metas. I even have two tags for all the content. At some point I’ll even have a less minimalistic blog & with more links so it’s super accessible ( in the off chances searching for the ‘  meta ’ and ‘ kisaragi ‘ tags don’t work ). But in the meantime... ask questions. Read. Join a stream. I’ve literally streamed games & movies for folks privately & occasionally stream now. I actually started a new file of VII not too long ago and just got Yuffie, so I could literally have a gameplay stream where we go through canon together. I’m like... nearly begging. Don’t make assumptions.

Again, there are so many resources. There’s wikis, there’s the tags, there’s the inbox ( just ask! ), there’s streams, there’s gameplay & commentary videos, there’s stuff. If you are confused or unsure, I would much rather you reach out. This is regardless of how long I’ve known you, ‘cause some of us have known me for a while and still don’t know anything about me or my portrayal or how to interact, in- or out-of-character.

On the topic of assumptions (because it really is that important, so many issues stem from assumptions & you continuously making the wrong assumptions will leave me less inclined to speak with you, nevermind interact), let’s address some.

I do not write a hyper-sexualized muse. I know this is fanon because of her choice in clothes... however, clothes are a fashion choice, and do not reflect a person’s... existence? I don’t know if it’s the masculinity or the rape culture or what but... what she’s wearing does not mean she deserves any hypersexual treatment... and also as an extension, myself ( bc this happens way too frequently-- please stop seeing my muse and then approaching me about your personal sexual fantasies. It is extremely uncomfortable, as someone who is sex-neutral & demiromantic, to be randomly selected to talk about sex? with me personally? via my muse? Or about my muse when we have zero chemistry? Why do y’all think this is okay??). When I do choose to write sexual / nsfw content, it’s always after conversations ( plural!! ) with my writing partner & after I feel comfortable with the topic and with them. But even if I had her hoein’ it up on the dash, that doesn’t mean to make assumptions about her character (bc maybe there’s character motivations I need to write a meta for & it’s part of her background) or me (the mun is not the muse!! say it with me!!).

I do not write a kleptomanic. Again, this is entirely fanon, because Yuffie says in literally everything she’s mentioned in that she does not steal without a purpose-- and the highest purpose is that she’s stealing items that would restore the power and glory of Wutai or for her personal safety. However, I very rarely write theft... I try really hard to steer clear of the topic because I’m aware that it’s like the #1 thing she’s reduced to. She’s a thief class, yes, but that is not the only dimension to her. I could go on, but I think that’s enough.

Just because our characters share canon does not mean they’re going to have chemistry. I am canon-divergent. But not only that... Yuffie just doesn’t vibe with most people as a canon fact. She is an outsider to like... 99% of people, exclusion being Godo ( Wutai ) & the Turks & the WRO. She doesn’t even claim herself as a member of AVALANCHE. Not only this, but the dynamic she has with one Reeve or Cloud does not represent every duplicate-- that comes with plotting and with chemistry. We will have to plot & work together to figure out exactly how our versions of characters mesh. This is a collaborative hobby.... so the collaborating shouldn’t be that much of a surprise. 

If you come guns-a-blazin’ without clearly having read anything about my portrayal, with completely inaccurate characterizations & just assume because we’re friendly out-of-character I’m gonna be pleased with it.... you’re dead wrong. I’m actually just... a very kind and nice person. I may just gently offer you some suggestions or corrections. But if you repeatedly come with your assumptions &  pre-conceived notions and it’s clear you’re not paying literally any attention to me or my ideas about my portrayal...  I’ll probably just recommend you to another duplicate. I know one who stole a ton of my content & former friends, so you’ll be in good hands. 

If you’re here, I assume that you want to write with me, not the idea of me. I’m a person with feelings & interests too, y’know ?? I feel like somehow that’s easy to forget with me for some reason, given how often people feel inclined to overstep my boundaries & act so disrespectful to me. Which is... fucking wild, honestly !! I’ve even had a person deadass say to my face “ I didn’t think/know you’d want to be treated with appreciation and respect. ” What the actual fuck does that mean? What kind of dominant abuser mentality ??????? Y’all on this site stress me out!!

The last two weeks have been legit stupid stressful on me, and I’ve had some interpersonal changes with folks in the last month (mainly in private) all regarding these subjects. About people here feeling entitled to be rude to me & finding all sorts of justifications for it (I’ve heard everything from “my grandma was sick” to “work’s hard”-- what’s that gotta do with you curb stomping me & my ideas/feelings, and telling me my emotions aren’t relevant in comparison to yours? It doesn’t). And it’s just been weighing down on me a lot. I don’t usually go on main here to discuss issues like this, but because it’s been OVERWHELMING in the last few weeks (and also, bc being nice to everyone is kinda common sense ? and idk why folks here seem to think I’m excluded from the ‘everyone’???), it just seemed like now, while I’m isolating a bit in an attempt to focus on some self-healing, would be a great time to discuss things.

I know this was a long post... but there’s been a lot of injustices done to me on here & in life, so....... if it burdens you to read all this, imagine how shitty it feels to have to experience it. Yeah. It’s rough, pals.

I don’t know how to really end this post godhsaohof. I’m hoping this will kind of open someone’s eyes & like... maybe things will change. I’ve stated before, but I have chronic illness so I really can’t handle stress or, for lack of a better term, a lot of bullshit tbh. If you wouldn’t say it to someone with a dying illness or cancer or a soft sweet grandma, don’t say it to me. Because that’s literally me! I’ve got an illness I’m dying from & I’ve had cancer & I’m soft and sweet! tl;dr, stop being so mean to me dang. I didn’t do anything to deserve this.

[yoongisgoawaydoormat]

Is yoongi your fave in bts? I just today stumbled over a video of bts and watched and now 100 videos later i really think i kinda like them and especially Yoongi. He is such a sweetheart. so as a fellow 1d stan now into bts i wanted to know if louis was your fave and if yoongi is in bts? Cause i find it quite interesting to know^^'

ok so i have some esoteric ramblings that go far beyond the yes or no question you asked me here lmao... i guess im just feeling very “in this essay i will-” rn because of how much i truly adore both of them. also this basically turned into a personal diary entry but also simultaneously a cultural studies essay on how we make meaning in celebrities so like..... 🤷🏼‍♀️

@gettingaphdinmomo can u believe this anon let me merge 1d and bts? im indebted to them tbh

so yeah yoongi is my bias in bts and louis was always my fave in 1d! (well zayn too but z isn’t a member of 1d - tho i think he relates to some of the points im going to make here as well) and coincidentally i’ve actually been doing like... some self-psychoanalysis recently just reflecting on what my affection for louis and yoongi says about me, says about them, etc... just been thinkin’ ya know?

and i just feel like yoongi and louis are 2 sides of the same coin and it’s a coin that i distinctly Relate to and i’ll explain why. both yoongi and louis have very distinct caricature-type reputations on the surface. both vis-a-vis their role in their respective groups and in relation to the personalities that we see/they show us. 

and what i mean by that is that louis is known as loud, brash, exuberant (formerly camp and flamboyant as well, though im not even gonna try to get Into A Discussion of That rn); to most people that do not take the time to go far beyond the surface, that’s kind of louis’ whole deal, right? (again this isn’t a discussion of public opinion of louis and doesn’t account for how his various stories/stunts/‘relationships’ would impact people’s view of him)... yoongi is sort of in the same boat but on the opposite end of the spectrum if that makes sense? he’s the tsundere member. he’s seen as cold, distant, has dry humor, doesn’t like to show affection, etc. that’s what the caricature of min yoongi is.

but everyone who is a fan of either of them knows that neither of those caricatures are wholly accurate and that the caricatures belie an emotional depth and intelligence that both of them very clearly possess.

we can never know even a fraction of public figures’ personalities, but to the small extent that we do get glimpses, yoongi and louis are both individuals who clearly care very deeply about others. they are attentive to the emotions of those around them and they are supportive and nurturing in their own ways. but at the same time neither of them are overtly touchy-feely about it if that makes sense? their empathy is exhibited subtly but it runs deep. their demonstrations of caring and compassion are nuanced behind layers of something else. 

for louis, i think there’s always a bit of humor layered on top of his emotional displays (i.e. giving liam a hard time about being a ‘lad’). and i see myself in that. i use humor as a defense mechanism and couch everything serious in my life in a joke, for better or worse. again, im not saying that that’s what louis is or does in real life, i’ll never know nor would i presume to, but i am saying that i see something of myself reflected in Louis Tomlinson™ and among a million other reasons to love him i think that is one of the reasons i’ve always been drawn to him. he’s so compassionate and caring but you have to make sure you’re not distracted by his bright loudness to miss it. in addition to seeing myself reflected in louis, i also admire so much about him that i am not but aspire to be more like. i wish i could be more extroverted like him and i wish i could be a bright presence for the people around me like i know he is. so with louis i see myself and i see traits that inspire me to go outside my comfort zone and push my own boundaries.

for yoongi, the soft sweet infp that he is, i think his emotional displays are equally as subtle and layered behind a bit of stoicism and a bit of introversion and a bit of being very carefully selective about who he lets in. his displays of affection and caring are alway there but are not done to be viewed and given great attention (i.e. his hand holding). i don’t think yoongi much likes being the center of attention and would much rather have his members be that (lol @ jimin) but at the same time he has moments where his energy just bursts forth. these are moments where he’s clearly so comfortable with his surroundings and the people he’s with that he feels no need to be measured or restrained. again, this is all my interpretation of what i see and is thus filtered and distilled so many times that i’d never presume to state all of this as some factual evaluation of yoongi’s personality, but also again, i see myself in these observations and interpretations of yoongi. i find it very difficult to express my emotions (see the above point about couching everything in humor) but they are there and they are felt deeply and they show themselves in subtler ways. i find it difficult to display affection with even my closest friends and family but am also just a touch-starved bitch looking to hold someone’s hand like yoongi is always doing. i too sometimes begin to feel comfortable enough with those around me that my passion and excitement just bursts forth all at once, but only sometimes, otherwise im hyper conscious of myself and tend to self-police if i have not reached such a comfort level. i see a lot of that in Min Yoongi™. but like with louis i also see a lot in yoongi that i strive to be more like. i struggle with the weight of my own expectations for myself and i internalize A Lot, as yoongi seems to, but yoongi also demonstrates such a clarity of self when it comes to these things. i think he Knows himself quite well, which is something i’d like to be better at. i think his self awareness (something i think namjoon also has in spades) and his work ethic are admirable and inspire me greatly. he just seems so Lucid Perceptive and Insightful about his situation, and that encourages me to be more honest with myself about my own situation.

and like maybe this is all just a diatribe that could be applied by anyone to their fave celeb? there’s levels to abstraction to every celebrity and there’s always interpolation/projection our own traits, neuroses, insecurities, desires, etc. onto how we view our favorite celebs... but idk there seems to be something slightly different with celebs like yoongi and louis (and zayn and namjoon actually now that i think about it). 

like let’s contrast it with other 1d and bts members: jin and hobi have carefully constructed the way they want to be seen and they don’t let people see much beyond that (and they’re So Valid for that). i actually think niall is quite a lot like this as well. the caricature is the whole picture that we get if that makes sense (though of course not even a fraction of the whole person which we are not nor should we be privy to) but its still a human picture, its still rooted in a sense and a feeling of authenticity; it just has its boundaries and is clear about those boundaries. thus the consumer public gets a discrete, self-contained persona whose likeability isn’t necessarily dependent on the consumer’s ability to relate or see themselves in the persona but rather is simply likeable!

then you have liam and jungkook who i see as quite similar in some ways for some reason (which im sure is gonna get me yelled at lmao). i dont mean that i think they’re similar people just that i think both of them are quite earnest and what you see is what you get with them. i don’t think either of them have it in them to pull a jin/hobi/harry (see below) and construct/be viligent about the boundaries of their persona. i think tae and jimin are mostly like this as well. they’re all just kind of unapologetically themselves (liam particularly after 1d ended, tho i know that, ironically, many feel he’s a bit of a poser nowadays)? i see these types of figures as similar to the type above just with less stable boundaries/less concern for those boundaries.

then you have harry whose caricature is constructed to be larger than life, to be almost non-human in its Celeb-ification. Harry Styles™ is not meant to allow for reflection of yourself in it. the consumer is not supposed to find parts of themselves relating to Harry Styles™, that defeats the purposes of the larger than lifeness of Harry Styles™. (i know this sounds bad and don’t get me wrong i do hate harry lol but i also don’t think this is an inherently Bad way to be a celebrity. it’s the david bowie, lady gaga [pre-joanne] school of celebrity and its fine, i just think it should be recognized for what it is and i think its very different from how bts and the other members of 1d operate [though i recognize that some people would view zayn in this light]).

personally i think yoongi and louis (and zayn and namjoon, to account for everyone in this analysis here) don’t fit into the above categories. clearly i dont think any of these four are in the Harry Styles™-type camp (duh). but i also don’t think they fit into the authentic-but-carefully-boundaried jin/hobi/niall camp nor the what-you-see-is-what-you-get liam/maknae line camp. i think these 4 occupy a limbo space between the two ‘categories.’

anyways, the long and the short of it is that we all make our own meaning in celebrities. for me, i find myself drawn to yoongi and louis because i see traits of my own reflected back at the same time and in the same person that i see aspirational traits. im inspired and im comforted by this duality that yoongi and louis provide for me. i love all the members of 1d and bts (except harry lolz) but yoongi and louis (and zayn and namjoon, who i’d say is my 2nd bias in bts if that wasn’t already clear) hold special places in my heart because of how they occupy my sort of nebulous fourth category of celebhood.

anyways, i’m pretty sure no one is still reading this, which i do Not blame you for, but that’s my two cents! i love min yoongi and louis tomlinson, whats new!!!!!!!!!

[sicklylittlesnowflake]

How about a fic where Peter gets a concussion while playing basketball and starts like puking and tony has to come get him bc idk parent tony au xD

(Hey beautiful friend, here’s your not so beautiful fic, for a beautiful person who deserves a better fic but tbh this is all I can produce!! Anyway, so here’s a short little fic starring parent Tony bc that’s some good shit yo)

Peter had never liked sport.

He hated how his chest felt like it was on fire when he ran, how the world seemed horribly heightened and horrifying. He felt out of control, and felt as if the world was tipping out of balance as he’d become painfully aware of his existence.

Peter would dread gym, often purposely leaving his gear or trying to find jobs to do around the school. He’d seek out the nice little old receptionist lady or the janitors or workmen to see if they needed help, just to get out of gym. Peter had gone as far as to fake injuries in the past, to a successful degree. Middle school drama had served its purpose, and Peter was thankful for it.

In fairness, ever since the radioactive spider incident, exercising wasn’t quite as agonising as it used to. His bones wouldn’t screech at him and his lungs wouldn’t be begging for air as he ran, or how exhausted and heavy he felt after a basketball game. Having a new spider body was pretty good, and he could do sit ups without struggling and failing to get up, his core aching and like it was being weighed down by a rockslide worth of stones.

But something Peter would never ever get used to was the pressure of competitiveness.

It only seemed to get worse.

Peter hated how the world seemed to be teetering on his shoulders, appearing to threaten to topple over at any second. He had one body, and he couldn’t do it, and he certainly couldn’t do it with glaring eyes and monstrous voices yelling at him. He hated there angry voices echoing in his head, pushing how he wasn’t good enough, how bad he was. This hyper awareness he’d get was too much, his hands wouldn’t feel like his hands and his legs would feel wrong. He felt like he didn’t belong in his own body, and the anxiety rendered him functionless.

It was a hundred times worse with the spidey senses. The heightened senses that came with the whole Spiderman ordeal proved to be useful for the most part, allowing him to fight baddies to a better standard but came at the cost of heightened anxiety and illness. Everything was too much, so much that the world would spin and that he’d feel horribly woozy and just want to drop down on the floor and cry.

Peter didn’t really know how, but despite his utter detestation of sport and physical education, he ended up going that fateful Thursday.

He wasn’t quite sure what had happened, if he genuinely felt bad for missing that many classes at a time and felt like he should turn up because otherwise he’d feel wrong, or some holy light shone upon him that morning and flicked a switch and made him go, “You know what? Screw it, I’m going! What’s the worst that could happen?”

A lot could happen, and Peter wished he didn’t make that dumb decision. But this was him, he was Peter Parker and this was his life, so of course it happened. It was written in the stars.

Peter let out a tiny squeaking noise as the basketball flew right by his face, narrowly missing the margin between Hannah and his face.

“Dammit Peter!” He heard one of his teammates yell out frustratedly.

“Cop on!” The same person hiss angrily.

“Sorry!” Peter yelped squeakily, awkwardly trying to run after the ball.

The ball seemed to be flying around like some kind of golden snitch from Harry Potter, unbelievably swift and hard to catch with the human eye. It was a horrendous experience, like when the movie seemed to be fast forwarding ahead of him, way beyond his own pace as he frantically tried to find the buttons on the damn remote and stop as it reeled on and on, further away from his reach. Except now he couldn’t even find the damn remote, he had no control of himself.

Peter didn’t even know how much time had past when he was being scolded again.

“Dammit Parker, wake the fuck up, will you?!”

“I’m sorry–” Peter had tried to say, and suddenly the air around him seemed to drop into the negatives as it froze. It chilled his bones, goosebumps emerging as the hair on his arms stood up. His eyesight seemed to focus in, hearing increasing and everything seemed to slow into this agonisingly slow pace, as what was once a horrifying warped world fastforwarding into light speed turned into a never ending slow motion.

Then the impact.

The disastrous and pain inducing collision of his head and the basketball, the sickening thwack of the velocity of its contact. The concerned and mortified screaming of Ned, the ringing in his ears. And finally the lightness of his body as it free falls and thuds against the cold wooden floor.

“Parker!” The coach yelled in shock.

“Flash, what the fuck?!” Michelle yelled out from the sidelines, running towards them.

“I didn’t mean to!” Flash gasped defensively, eyes widening.

“Sure thing, Barry Allen! You just killed a dude!” She shot back aggressively.

“What?! Oh no, Peter!” Ned whimpered, tears beginning to prick at his eyes.

“Oh, fuck, sorry, no, Ned. He’s not dead, probably a concussion,” Michelle apologises, beginning to crouch down to examine Peter’s limp body.

“I swear I didn’t mean to coach,” Flash said worriedly to their teacher, who was currently in the middle of scratching his head in confusion.

“Yeah, so you just happened to aim the basketball towards his head by accident, and now you’ve killed my best friend!” Ned accused tearfully.

“Shh, Ned, he’s not dead,” Michelle reassured as she proceeded to check for a pulse.

“I just wanted to wake him up!” Flash protested, growing to be genuinely concerned and guilty.

“Smart move, jackass, now he’s more asleep than ever,” Michelle taunted, then proceeded to avert her attention back to Peter.

“Peter? You hear me?” Michelle tried in vain, hoping she’d get to him somehow.

No response.

She sighed deeply, “Yup. He’s out cold.”

“…uh…so, what should we do?” The coach asked quietly, lost.

“Huh? What should we do? Dude, you’re the coach, aren’t you supposed to know what to do?!” Flash exclaimed, a little taken aback.

Michelle rolled her eyes, “This is our school, did you expect much?”

Flash shut his mouth.

“We’ve got to get him to the Nurses, just to make sure there’s nothing serious going on,” Ned suggested.

“Good idea Ned,” Michelle stressed, shooting daggers in the direction of the coach.

“Here, I’ll lift him–” One of the jocks offered, crouching down to lift him when Peter stirred.

His body convulsed for a brief moment, beginning to awaken from its short slumber. Ned gasped in alarm and got to his knees to level with him.

“Peter?! Peter, my dude, are you okay?!” Ned asked worriedly.

Peter opened his eyes and gagged immediately as a sudden wave of intense nausea hit him hard, causing his stomach to whirl and churn uncomfortably. He pressed his hands against his stomach to try and calm it to the best of his ability, biting his lip to try and withstand the intense pain pounding harshly at his head.

“Peter?”

“Whhhuhhhh….?” Peter slurred.

“Do you know who I am?” Ned asked cautiously and slowly.

“Ned,” Peter slurred, squinting and struggling to keep his eyes open as he began to see double.

Ned managed a shaky, relieved smile at that.

“Do you know where you are?”

Peter squinted, trying to look around but every little movement he made caused the world to rapidly spin like it was a spinning top. Which in turn caused another wave of dizziness and nausea. A state of panic and confusion as he couldn’t quite make out where he was.

“H-hang on, I need to stand up t-to see w-where I a-am,” Peter tried, lifting himself off the ground with his hands.

“Wait, no, Peter, slow–”

Peter leaped up onto his feet, only for the world to double, quadruple and go around in circles on a confusing and nightmarish hell of a merry go round.

“Woah,” Peter choked as he felt the dizziness and wooziness get to him, incredibly shaky and unstable, trying to keep his feet firmly planted on the ground only to find all the forces all joining together in a joined attempt to uproot him.

It didn’t take much to do so.

Because the world tilted rapidly and the floor rose and ripped him with it, and he was falling again, but this time before he could fall there was a pair of strong arms catching him by the waist and dangling him over.

Ned’s arms were firm, holding him steady, far away from the ground. He wasn’t going to fall. But Ned was a little too firm, holding him on the stomach just a little on the wrong side. Whatever it was, it was just enough to push him over the edge.

Peter pushed off him frantically, hunching over as his stomach contracted and cramped painfully and then the contents were pushing up his throat horribly, scorching it on its way up. Then he expelled onto the floor, heaving and gasping for air as his muscles clenched and retracted as he vomited.

“Oh, gross!” Peter could hear someone gasp in the background, causing him to heat up and go red with embarrassment and shame.

When he finally finished, Peter felt so exhausted and weak and drained he couldn’t help but drop to his knees. He shook violently from how ill he felt, and the dull ringing at the back of his head was a bit too much and the panic and shame was too much he started to cry.

Ned frowned, approaching Peter gently, after saying, “Go call Tony.”

Peter cried for the next while, feeling so ashamed and embarrassed and full of self loathing, but Ned remained by his side the whole time.

Peter couldn’t quite stop crying, and cried through being gently escorted by Ned to the Nurses office.

He kept crying as he was escorted onto a bed, and kept crying as he laid his weakened body down and cried into the white sheets.

He felt horribly embarrassed, unwell and ashamed. Peter wished that he just decided to help old Hilda instead, and wondered why the hell this always happened to him. He wondered if there was some cure to this odd unfortunate occurrences curse he seemed to acquire from his parents. If there was, he better be hooked up fast because he wasn’t quite sure if he could deal with this any more.

But the moment Tony walked through the doors of the nurses, his soft kind voice calling his name out like a lullaby, everything felt a little bit better.

Tony had this magic about him that filled him with fatherly reassurance. An anchor that kept him steady even during the strongest of currents.

“Hey buddy, how’re you doing,” Tony asked warmly, his approach gentle and soft. He pulled a chair over and sat down, looking at him with such kindness that made Peter forget about how ashamed he had just been moments ago.

“Awful,” Peter whimpered, tears beginning to spill from his eyes yet again.

“Awh, I’m sorry kiddo, hey, c'mere,” Tony cooed softly, opening up his arms and taking Peter in into a loving and comforting embrace.

Peter melted into the embrace and cried softly, shaking, but still steadied by the strong embrace. He felt a little more okay just then.

“I’m so embarrassed and ashamed..”

“Of what? There is nothing to be ashamed of when you’re you. You are the most remarkable kid I’ve ever met, and I’m Tony Frickin’ Stark, I’ve met plenty of remarkable kids. So..That’s real saying something. There is nothing to be ashamed about.”

Peter couldn’t help the soft smile that laced his features.

“You’re going to be just fine, kiddo. We can go home and watch Rick and Morty, how’s that sound?” Tony offered, a warm smile playing on his face.

“The ‘home’ part is enough.” Peter chuckled shakily.

“Then I will deliver,” Tony promised, slinging an arm around his son’s shoulder as they commenced their journey home.

“I know, you always do.”

[mscurious88]

Jon’s vs. Jorah’s priorities

I may make a 707 commentary post later, but I wanted to point out 2 things:

1. Jorah vs. Jon’s priorities.  When discussing travel plans w/D, their priorities were clearly contrasted. Jorah’s 1st priority was what’s SAFEST FOR *HER* bc Jorah is in love with D.   (fyi, their dialogue is under the cut as memory aid. )  Compare this to Jon who would rather D face added danger, than have her travel ahead to Winterfell via her dragons. Jon’s argument isn’t that his plan is safer for D or Jorah’s concerns are not reasonable.  The danger to D from traveling out in the open is accepted as both real & unnecessary.  

Jon claims he prefers his plan bc it will make the Northerners more likely to accept her.  It doesn’t matter if that’s the truth or not bc whatever the reason, Jon’s plan isn’t a plan that puts D first.  Jon’s priority is the mission/the North? Jon is putting D at risk to look out for them. By this choice, the writers are helping the audience to pick up that Jon is not in love with D.  The writers are using Jorah’s actions to represent what we should expect a man deeply in love with her would do in this situation.  It’s an intentional comparison just like Jorah turning back to look at D when they parted while Jon did not.  That was a subtle contrast, but bc of the leaked outlines, we know D&D considered that an important part of the story they’re telling, and this is as well.

Reddit ppl excused Jon failing to turn back bc they claimed he was hyper focused on the mission. Or they said Jon wasn’t in love with her YET.  But, they strongly state as if fact, the wight rescue changed that for Jon, hence his hand holding in the boat cabin.  Nope.  D&D once again spent precious 707 screen time to show that Jorah cares about D on a level that Jon simply doesn’t.

Jorah: Perhaps you should fly to Winterfell, my Grace. You have many enemies in the North. Thousands fell fighting your father. All it takes is one angry man with a cross bow. He’ll see your silver hair on the Kings Road and he’ll know one well placed bow will make him a hero, the man who killed the conqueror.

Jon: If we are going to be allies, then it’s important for the NORTHERNERS to see us as allies.  If we sail to White Harbor together, I think it sends a better message.

Idk why D&D had Jon cast doubt on the barren curse in the Dragon Pit before he had extramarital sex w/D.  That seems counter to his past concerns about fathering a bastard.  It made me wonder if Tyrion might be pulling some strings.  I do believe Tyrion was legit surprised Jon had bent the knee to D, but Tyrion could still have been the one to suggest to Jon that he should charm D as a way to secure her help back in 703.  We didn’t see how that Jon/Tyrion convo ended & it preceded Jon’s new friendlier attitude w/D.  And after Tyrion’s failed “long term vs. short term” talk with D in 706 & Vary’s warning that they needed a way to control D, Tyrion could have hinted to Jon that D would be more invested in the fight if she had hope of a personal reason to care about the future beyond her dragons.  I wouldn’t put it past Tyrion. He is Tywin’s son & it seems odd that Tyrion doesn’t seem to have taken any overt steps to exert control over D after his convo w/Varys.

2. The mtg convo established a timeline.  Per Jon, the Dothraki can travel from where they are to KL in a fortnight via horse (2 weeks.)  Jon suggests he & D take a boat w/ the Unsullied & meet the Dothraki at White Harbor & travel the rest of the way up the King’s Road to Winterfell together.    If Jon & D safely make it to Winterfell in 801, then they will have been lovers for less than 2 weeks when Bran or Sam can tell Jon about his parentage.  Pregnancy is possible in that time, but this short time frame the writers chose does lessen the chances. 

[junhoontrash]

Brief Analysis On All Jun Ships V2

Disclaimer: While this analysis is based on canon moments I’ve observed, all “conclusions” and assumptions are from my own biased perspective and should by no means be taken any more seriously than a grain of salt.

This analysis is slightly more analyze-y than the previous one (which was more similar to a moments compilation), so brace yourselves with walls of text.

With that said, let’s begin version 2 of the over-analysis -

JunCheol

As mentioned before, this ship rarely has moments, but whenever they do happen, it’s the purest and most genuine thing.

Personally, I still feel that this ship is possibly the Jun ship that is least aware of its existence, as in their moments don’t happen “on purpose”. Let’s face it, it’s obvious that idols know more or less about the whole shipping culture and actually use it to their advantage to a certain extent. Fortunately, idols are still human so it’s often quite easy to tell when they’re being forced into moments, like nervous blinking, hesitant arm raise, stiffening of shoulders, etc. But for JunCheol, everything they do is completely natural, and it may partially be because they’re both the type to like/have high tolerance for skin ship.

Unfortunately for JunCheol shippers, it is true that their moments seem to have decreased over the past year, but that is due to the fact that Jun no longer needs as much help, and S.Coups probably feels more comfortable with leaving him to take care of himself.

On the other hand, I feel that JunCheol’s relationship has evolved from the father-and-his-oldest-adopted-son to more of a “friend” level.

In Jun’s POV, S.Coups is probably the member he respects the most, both because of his position as their general leader, the eldest member, and his “manly hyung” image. He did say once that he admired S.Coups’ manliness and confidence on stage, though on the other hand S.Coups also commented that Jun’s a manly person when asked by a fan to write down Jun’s good points.

Of course, S.Coups still looks out for Jun a lot in the background, like when he’s dancing alone on the side or when he’s zoning off into Jun land. He also never fails to compliment Jun, whether it’s about his good looks or his improving Korean skills.

I know I’m just repeating myself over and over again with this, but JunCheol’s interactions are incredibly natural. Among other members (including other Jun ships), sometimes, just sometimes, there’s a bit of awkwardness involved in their moments, like the receiver of skin ship getting startled by the sudden initiation; but for JunCheol, neither of them bats an eye, no matter how sudden the action is. A recent example I would pull up would be that time when Jun peeled(?) something off S.Coups, and the leader just stood there obediently. In fact, he actually moved closer with his head tilted to make it easier on Jun. I read this as complete trust. In addition, S.Coups probably knows Jun well enough to guess what he was trying to do and caught on immediately.

Also, when they first performed the Crazy in Love choreo, S.Coups had his arm on Jun’s shoulder even though that part was not choreographed (since it never happened again after that one time).

In addition, Jun is a very hyper person by himself and around younger members, and the way he usually cheers people up is by rubbing their shoulders and making exaggerated faces; but when he saw S.Coups crying in Caratland, Jun just stood on the side quietly with a handful of tissues, and only handed them to him after he turned around. This is probably because he didn’t want to draw attention, S.Coups had his back turned because he didn’t want the fans (and possibly any of the other members) to notice. If this isn’t the most respectful thing, I—

Speaking of crying and hoping no one would see, Jun does the same thing, so it is possible that it’s easy for him to notice when others are hiding their feelings. This goes for S.Coups as well.

On another note, the reason why I said their relationship evolved to a friend level is because S.Coups seems to be dragging Jun a lot lately lol, whenever he’s, you know, being Jun. In earlier stages, S.Coups probably felt responsibility as his hyung more, and thus was only focused on looking after him. Now he’s become much more comfortable with making fun of him, like how he commented that Jun’s only quiet on cam, he’ll return to normal once the camera gets turned off.

Jun commented that S.Coups is really hard to wake up, I guess this suggests that Jun’s tried to wake him up before… Idk just thinking of that makes my heart feel warm and fuzzy over this ship lol

S.Coups knows Jun very well, if his banters with him doesn’t prove that enough. During OFD, while everyone else was busy buttering emperor!Jun up, Coups was the only one who tried to rile him up, because he knew Jun wouldn’t fight back.

Visually, when I see the two of them together it’s often S.Coups with his arm around Jun, and I get this “protector” vibe from him. I probably wrote too much for this ship, we should move on.

JunHan

My stance stands that they’re the mom line, except when they’re together, then Jun’s just the oldest son. The group’s too big for just one mom so they split up duties.

Let’s talk about the most recent JunHan moment that was dug up lol, obviously, these two really like to banter with each other. Particularly, Jeonghan likes to “bully” Jun, or just the members in general, so it’s obvious that Jun doubted Jeonghan’s method of preparing sad emotions. In addition, Jun and Jeonghan both like to prank the others, so you know… the more of a prankster you are, the more cautious you are of pranks being pulled on you.

Even though they were close pre-debut, JunHan’s always been one of the more “formal” Jun ships for me. It leads me to believe that maybe Jun was so “handsy” with Jeonghan pre-debut because of their language barrier, and Jun is just a naturally fond person, so he probably tried to express himself more physically. If you look back at their old videos together, you’ll notice that Jun rarely spoke at all, it was normally Jeonghan leading and Jun would just be… doing stuff, for the most part. Now that his Korean’s improved, he doesn’t have to rely on skin ship as much.

However, that doesn’t mean they’re not just as “real” as any other ship. Let’s face it, it’s impossible for everyone to be on “equally good” terms in such a large group, so there are bound to be mini friend groups or at least certain members that are closer than others, even members that they’d have a preference over others. That’s just human nature. What I’m going with this is - I’d probably describe JunHan as the two friends within the same friend group that aren’t as close with each other alone, but still know each other just as well.

They were once seen hanging out together on break, so naturally, they don’t have a forced friendship, I would just describe them as the least closest out of their closest group of friends (not out of the entire SVT group, just their mini group of friends whoever that’s made up with). We all have/had a friend like that, right?

The reason why I feel a sense of “formality” with them is because Jeonghan’s always had this “I have to look after this kid” aura when he’s with Jun, and that’s probably the best way to describe Jeonghan’s role in this ship. It’s not that they’re not close, they’re obviously close, but it seems to be less of a “friend” relationship and more of a “sibling” relationship. You care for each other, you understand each other more than anyone else, you’re very much alike in some sense even if you probably don’t want to accept it, but you wouldn’t want to “hang out” with them or be “playmates” with them if other options are available.

To prove my previous point about Jeonghan feeling the need to look after Jun, he stated blatantly in the “All About Vocal Unit” video that Jun’s a “cheerful guy”, and he feels that he’d be taken advantage of if he’s not there for him. For the most part, I feel that Jun just worries Jeonghan a lot because the latter cares for him too much sometimes. Maybe Jeonghan worries about Jun’s screen time more than his own to be very honest.

Anyway, to make a clearer idea, out of all the three hyungs Jun has in the group, Jeonghan seems to be the most “hyung-like” to him in terms of how he’s constantly worrying over and taking care of him while the others treat him more on the “same level”, if that makes any sense at all. Does that mean he’s the least close to him? Not at all, you wouldn’t take care of someone to almost an overprotective level if you weren’t close, right?

JunShua

Speaking of Jun’s relationships with his hyungs, I’m pretty confident that Joshua’s the hyung he’s the closest with, or at least the one he’s most comfortable around.

As I’ve stated before, might be because Joshua grew up in America so the hyung-dongsaeng formality doesn’t effect him as much, and also due to it being looser in China as well, Jun and Joshua seem to be the age gap combination who can hang out most comfortably together. Sure, there’s also JunHao, but their situation’s a little special, which will be addressed in their section.

Unlike Jeonghan and S.Coups who are both vocally supportive of Jun, Joshua is more quietly supportive on the side with little actions and soft “pep talks”. Like when Jun gets nervous about being called out on V lives, Joshua would put his hand on his shoulder or pat him on the back, he’d also encourage him on the side and tell him to just say whatever. Notice that Joshua doesn’t really initiate talk himself, but he would always hype Jun up and give big reactions to whatever he has to say.

Which brings me back to my first point about Joshua being the hyung he’s the closest to. While S.Coups is a friend to Jun, and Jeonghan is a brother/mom figure, Joshua is a good mixture of both. They consider each other “bros”, but at the same time, Joshua also takes close attention to Jun and looks after him like a proper hyung.

Joshua has a very high tolerance for Jun’s weirdness, and instead of ignoring it, he’s willing to “pay it back”, as shown by JunShua’s infamous buttslapping shenanigans.

JunShua are possibly the top Internet/social media surfers/users in the group, so I wouldn’t be surprised if they were also the most “well read” when it comes to the concept of shipping. There are moments where it feels like they’re purposely teasing shippers with poses, like when they pretend to whisper in unnaturally intense ways, or when Jun pretended to kiss Joshua. In addition, Joshua also calls upon Jun to give fanservice with him during fanmeets, and I don’t think he does that with any other member.

Also that time when Joshua complained about Jun unwilling to go biking with him ever again, clearly Jun shouldn’t have been the first to complain given the reactions from the others, but Joshua was particularly upset about Jun being unwilling. It’s probably one of those “we used to do everything together, what changed” moments.

Shouldn’t it also be significant that Jun, normally an apparently very kind person, was driven to saying something so mean? Yeah, Joshua’s an inconsiderate biking pal, but you also have to be close enough to a person to be so direct.

The way Joshua looks at Jun is just… so endearing. I feel like Joshua just adores Jun a lot in general ;;;;

SoonHui

In 96-line, SoonHui probably has the most “business-like” relationship, that’s not to say that they’re not close, it’s just a matter of being respectful and acknowledging their differences.

Even though Hoshi is very, very technically “younger”, I often get a hyung vibe from him when he’s interacting with Jun, and that’s saying a lot because he usually has the immature hyper image.

One would think that since they’re both June babies, 96-line, Gemini, B blood type, part of the Perf Unit, they’d be the closest, having so much in common. But maybe it’s exactly because they’re so much alike that they have just a little distance in comparison to their relationship with the other 96ers.

To understand SoonHui’s relationship overall, we need to take a closer look at Hoshi’s personality. Personally, I do believe that Hoshi has a different personality off cam, in the sense that he’s a lot more serious during practice, and probably very strict, especially when he’s just with Performance Unit. The other units have noted that Perf Unit is the most serious out of the three, and that’s very much believable since Hoshi, Dino, and The8 are all the type who, if I were to put it in an uglier manner, are more likely to crack under pressure, which is why Hoshi and the others call Jun the “median” and balance in their unit. Hoshi is bright and cheery under normal circumstances, but I will believe that he gets short-tempered under pressure, which The8 had addressed before and Hoshi had confessed to as well. But that just goes to show how seriously Hoshi takes his own responsibility as the choreographer and unit leader, and because he has such a strong sense of responsibility, he feels the need to make sure Jun feels included. As mentioned in the previous analysis, Hoshi is the one who calls on Jun the most, and that hasn’t changed.

It is very possible that Hoshi’s the type who’s closer with those that aren’t his age, as shown by how he normally hangs out with BooSeok and teases Dino, also apparently cuddles up to his hyungs according to S.Coups. Hence why Hoshi is often away from the rest of 96-line (he’s close with them individually, but to be honest we’ve never seen all four together on their own accord, and we see WonJunHoon more than WonSoonHui).

So SoonHui’s relationship overall, I would say that Hoshi’s the one who “raised” Jun throughout his entire time in South Korea lol. In their pre-debut vids, Hoshi would often initiate interactions with Jun, not to mention they have been roommates for a very long time. More than a parent though, Hoshi’s more like an elder sibling (even though he’s five days younger). During a break when Jun couldn’t go home, he went to stay at Hoshi’s place.

“Roommates” is probably also a good way to describe SoonHui’s general relationship. Normally, we wouldn’t call our roommates our “friends”, but that doesn’t mean we’re not close. We also choose not to hangout as often because we’re already constantly together, it’s like that relationship level wedged between friends and family, hence why we don’t see SoonHui sticking together as often as we would for their other ships.

In addition, because Hoshi is so serious when they work, Jun is probably used to “giving him space”, so he’s not as clingy with him as he is to say, Wonwoo and Woozi. The concept of “giving him space” may also come from Hoshi’s role as his unit leader, where he subconsciously feels respect for him. Jun once answered “Hoshi” when asked who his favorite dancer was, he also mentioned that he felt inspired to become a better dancer when he saw Hoshi (and Woozi) perform during their trainee days.

But, I will say that SoonHui are pretty protective of each other. Jun once told a fan seriously to “please don’t misunderstand” when they joked about whether Hoshi actually called himself a prince in private, and Hoshi always talks about how it must be hard for Jun as a foreigner, he also encourages Jun to talk about his hardships (even though Jun still insists there are none).

Hoshi is always watching Jun from the corner of his eye, he always notices the little things Jun does and if he needs an extra chair (very specific, but you get the idea). So like I said, they aren’t the clingiest of ships, but they’re definitely not distant. You don’t have to be clingy to show how much you care for someone.

In addition, Hoshi described Jun as a “precious person”, more specifically, a person who needs to be treasured.

WonHui

I’ve been waiting to rewrite an analysis about this ship for a while. But anyway, I would actually dare to say that Jun is probably the closest with Wonwoo out of all the members in terms of being “friends”.

Similar taste in food, similar taste in lame jokes, bunk mates in addition to being roommates… I’ll be honest, their chemistry is no lie, they just complement each other so well.

I’m never going to get over the fact that Wonwoo described his relationship with Jun to be “especially good” (his wording implies that their relationship is better than what they have with most of the others, to be put blatantly).

They’re so close that their communication is often based on silently being dorks in the background instead of vocal banter.

I’d almost describe their relationship as love-hate, constantly making fun of each other and playfighting. I’ve noticed for a while that the way Jun expresses adoration towards the members is by initiating playfights, this goes back to pre-debut. But Wonwoo is one of the few who understands that and initiates playfighting as well (others include Woozi, Mingyu, Vernon, and Joshua, The8′s case is again, a little more complex); even then, no one else initiates quite as often as Wonwoo does.

Bitterwoo

Possessivewoo

Most members would just let Jun be when he’s being an oddball, but Wonwoo just has to join in or get himself involved and then act like he doesn’t care for it at all

Jun was playing with a box at a fanmeet once and apparently gave Wonwoo the idea of becoming a “package” that he pushes out for the fans. Wonwoo agreed to do it. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.

Yes, we all know Jun’s a clingy person, but when you line all the members up and think about it, he doesn’t just cling to anyone. Conditions would include how Jun personally feels for the member, and if said member is okay with his clinginess, that’s why certain members get clung onto a lot more. So is it one-sided if Wonwoo’s the most-clung-upon member?

Jun is often described as a “nice/kind/gentle person” by the others (including Wonwoo), though it seems like he’s particularly violent/mean towards Wonwoo in the sense that he makes fun of him (like saying he’s the sillier one, stating that his favorite thing to do in their room is punch Wonwoo while the latter’s playing video games, and even though he gave everyone a selca lesson, he openly laughed at Wonwoo’s supposedly “bad skill”) It just proves that Jun is especially comfortable with him, and it helps that they’re in the same age line. Jun also stayed at Wonwoo's place at some point.

If eye contact could kill… Also Jun’s habit of looking at Wonwoo for reassurance when he finishes talking is...

I mean, there has to be a reason why his mom seems to ship WonHui, right? Maybe he mentions him the most when they talk, who knows? who am I kidding everyone knows

Wonwoo always shows particular attention to the conversation when Jun’s involved, also his smile whenever Jun talks says it all.

JunHoon

Ah yes, my bias ship. I am proud of Woozi for finally accepting the fact that he has a soft spot for Jun.

“I laugh a lot because of Junhui… because he’s so cute.” - Woozi

Woozi is ironically not a very vocal person, so we have another “action-based” ship, but the good news for JunHoon shippers is that this ship is actually physically action-based, unlike others that are based on eye contact //cough jungyu wonhui

Woozi’s face just breaks easily into a smile whenever Jun talks, it’s adorable. Then his expression just returns back to normal when Jun’s done with whatever he was doing.

As mentioned before, Woozi is not a very vocal person for the most part, but he gets very vocal when it comes to Jun, he doesn’t even try to hide his fondness for the kid anymore. It seems like whenever the others mention Jun, Woozi just has to get his own two cents in as well, even with fans.

JunHoon’s relationship growth is pretty amazing if you think about it. From close-to-nothing to the explosion during Pretty U era, and then to “Everything about Woozi is cute” / ”Because [Jun’s] so cute.”

Not to mention in Pretty U and Very Nice, Woozi would still try to ignore Jun’s shenanigans (like shaking his head when Jun stares at him / tries to mess with him), but then that evolved into Woozi halfheartedly threatening to hit him. Also they talk to each other a lot more on stage, probably to exchange lame jokes (along with Wonwoo).

Woozi described Jun as a person who “deserves to be liked”.

We like to joke that Jun doesn’t understand danger when he teases Woozi, but in reality he just likes making Woozi “angry” on purpose, as shown by his “description” of how 96-liners react to his pranks. (WZ: …) I think we tend to underestimate Jun’s observation skills.

Woozi helps Jun eat his share of rice, always this is very important and should never be forgotten

The fact that Woozi just allows Jun to do whatever he wants and get away with it (sometimes he even goes along with it), that’s love right there.

Jun getting permission to lift Woozi up twice on his birthday will go down in history

In general, there is nothing too complex about this ship, they’re pretty straightforward lol is it really necessary to explain more

SeokHui

As I mentioned before, possibly a ship that has more moments off cam than on. Like JunCheol, SeokHui lacks moments on cam, but when they do happen, they’re not the least bit awkward.

DK used to teach Jun how to sing during pre-debut, and he was very patient with him. On the other hand, Jun often compliments DK’s singing and says that, “To be honest, I really like Dokyeommie’s voice!”

Unlike Jun’s other ships, SeokHui is more vocally active. DK doesn’t shy away from hyping Jun up, and Jun apparently likes to imitate the way DK talks. In addition, DK is always one of the first ones to react when Jun finishes embarrassing himself his segment.

Like I said before, most members tend to ignore or laugh off Jun’s odd one-liners, but DK is one of the few who are able to continue to the conversation without even batting an eye. For example, during the 2/18 pair’s birthday, DK asked Jun if he wanted to say something or give them kisses, Jun said, “I want to do both”, and DK just said, “All right, I understand~ (indicating for Jun to go ahead)”.

We’ve explained the concept of acting violent towards those whom you’re comfortable with, so let me remind you of how our ever so nice and kind DK threw a dainty punch in Jun’s chest when he tried to mess with pidgeon!DK. Also that time when DK took a Gudetama toy and just smashed it into Jun’s face, then walked away. Brutal.

DK described Jun as a dongsaeng-like hyung, he also seems to treat Jun just that way. For example, he pinched his cheek in a photo where Jun was wearing his yellow animal costume.

JunGyu

This ship is still so friggin’ adorable, literally because they’re both 5-year-olds trapped inside 180+cm bodies.

Goes without saying that Mingyu likes to tease Jun a lot, bringing up embarrassing stories and tendencies, having no respect for him as a hyung, and Jun repays him by slapping him.

Almost 90% sure that Mingyu came up with the “Moon Junnie” nickname, seeing as he has to constantly call it out.

Candidate for Jun’s #1 fanboy.

Mingyu might like to “play” with Jun the most out of all the hyungs, and apparently Mingyu is the member who likes to perform skin ship the most, so that fares well in Jun’s book. Not to mention Jun is a sucker for visuals.

Maybe it’s because of Jun’s tendency of spoiling his dongsaengs, but Jun seems very insistent on “looking after” the younger members (even though they’re the ones who have to look after him). Even though he has a smaller built, Jun insisted on piggybacking Mingyu, even after the latter offered to piggyback him at first; clearly this made our Puppygyu very happy, and he eagerly hopped onto his hyung’s back.

Pup-and-kitten dynamics.

Mingyu mentioned that Jun is becoming similar to him in terms of personality, and JunGyu is another strong candidate for the whispering + eye contact couple. 

Their height difference kills me every time, especially the way Mingyu has to glance down when he’s talking to Jun, his gaze looks so soft and proud when he manages to make Jun laugh. 

On another note, Jun is probably the most immune and tolerant when it comes to Mingyu being a puppy and needs constant attention, he can often be seen snickering in the background whenever clumsy!gyu takes over.

Mingyu keeps a pretty close eye on Jun and is probably obvious about it. During their rolling paper segment, Jun guessed that Mingyu wrote one of them because he often told Jun to stop eating breakfast alone.

Speaking of food, Mingyu once ate an entire box of macaroons on a fanmeet, not before sharing one with Jun. Speaking of sharing food, Mingyu used to eat from Jun’s hand.

Sharing food, if that’s not love- I should stop saying this.

JunHao

Our most complicated Jun ship. As mentioned previously, I didn’t particularly like this ship because I wasn’t buying any of their awkward forced moments, The8 in particular seemed uncomfortable with this arrangement.

And let’s be honest, he was. Not because he was shipped with Jun, but because he was being shipped with Jun as the “soft cutesy other Chinese boy who needs to rely on his Chinese gege”, and that’s just not him. I’ve been observing The8 for a while, and it dawned on me that he was probably uncomfortable with the image given to him as a whole.

Jun mentioned that when The8 first arrived, he was your typical “b-boy”, completely contrary to the initial image of a “fluffy cute boy” he was very possibly forced into. It’s not all that surprising since he was still having trouble with the language so the others may not understand them as well as they do now. It seemed like The8 went through a depressed period even after debut, openly voicing that he was worried that no one liked him.

Then there was a period of time when The8 seemed like he wanted to distant himself from Jun, maybe they had an arrangement and it wasn’t just one-sided. Maybe Jun knew about The8′s insecurities, but he couldn’t really do anything to actually help so he just tried to act normal. The8 once mentioned that he felt like his differences with Jun is becoming more apparent, largely due to Jun being a very laid-back person while The8 easily gets worried. So maybe Jun wasn’t being all that helpful either after The8 told him about his insecurities. On one hand, yes, it is absolutely possible that Jun may have been insensitive, and yes, it is also possible that The8 felt that Jun wasn’t sensitive enough even if he did try to comfort him (maybe by telling him to just go to sleep who knows). Whatever the case, things probably weren’t going well between them in that sense.

But things finally looked up for The8 when Pretty U came along, being able to change his image and all. His relationship with the other members also expanded, so he didn’t have to just rely on Jun, and they were possibly able to renew their relationship from there. It’s not like their friendship ever broke off, but it is very possible it was in a very rocky place for a brief period of time.

The more current JunHao moments are a lot more natural, especially now that they’re showing their true dynamic, which is leaning more towards love-hate, definitely not “helpless-clingy-but-also-tsundere-dongsaeng vs manlier-more-experienced-hyung”.

True, their physical moments may still be intentional because of the whole “official ships” setup, but not all of them. They seem to be still close in private, and The8 is possibly the only member Jun tells insecurities to; all the other members claim that Jun’s never said he feels tired, but The8 once wrote, “Thank you for always coming to me when you’re tired.”

The8 also still talks to Jun about his worries, this was mentioned during a fairly recent fanmeet (DWC era). Jun told a fan that The8 came to talk with him about something that upset him the night before.

JunHao consulting each other seems to be a known thing among all the members as well, Seungkwan noted that “I’ve never heard Jun-hyung complain before, not even to The8-hyung.”

I do believe that they have a special bond that possibly runs deeper than all other ships, but rather than just having a close friendship, their bond is more like that of brothers. They don’t constantly hang around each other under normal circumstances, and most likely don’t want to, but they’re close in private and they don’t have to always be physical and mushy to prove it.

JunKwan

Such a pure ship. Seungkwan takes care of Jun a lot on cam, but my bet is that Jun takes care of Seungkwan off cam.

Seungkwan is a very sensitive person, which means it is very possible that he gets upset over things easily. On the other hand, Jun is the type who tries to disperse negative energy by cramming in positive energy, so he probably goofs around a lot to cheer Seungkwan up. Whether that works or not I don’t know, but it’s a plausible scenario.

Yes, I am going to bring up the fact that JunKwan went out to play together after their Japan concerts. If that’s not proving how close they are, what is?

Another candidate for Jun’s #1 fanboy. A V live is not a V live without Seungkwan throwing Jun under the bus bringing Jun up or prompting him to talk.

I mentioned this in the previous analysis, but this ship has mutual adoration. The way they watch over each other is adorable. When Jun tried and failed to reenact his imitation of DK, Seungkwan made the most endearing expression ever.

Seungkwan’s the spokesperson for all Jun stans, let’s be honest. Bless this boy.

Another member who worries about Jun’s screen time more than his own.

I feel like Seungkwan treats Jun like a dongsaeng, but Jun also tries to take care of him as a hyung, which makes their dynamics all the more endearing. Trying to out-take-care the other.

JunSol

Third candidate for Jun’s #1 fanboy

Jun’s habit of calling Vernon “Hansol” even on cam.

Also they’re such aliens. Seungkwan once stated that they both have minds of “4D species”. Though it’s because they’re both so weird that they’re able to communicate / get along easily. Not to mention they both have similar easygoing personalities.

On the other hand, Jun and Vernon are different types of weird, so they don’t “clash” as awkwardly with the “too similar to be close” concept. Vernon is the “independent” weirdo who does things at his own pace and the weirdness often happens more inside his head, while Jun’s weirdness shows more physically and he often gets others involved, by accident or not.

Despite being an alien like Vernon, Jun observes the younger and worries over him, as mentioned very recently that he’d be the first member he’d try to save in a pinch because he gives off a “helpless vibe”.

Speaking of which, I’m pretty sure Jun would claim Vernon as his baby if he were the type to say stuff like that out loud like Jeonghan. Both 98-liners would be adopted by Jun if he had a say in it.

Overall, this is a very peaceful/straightforward ship, and their relationship has been pretty constant since pre-debut. Okay, maybe Jun still babies Vernon a little, like feeding him in OFD and V lives, and Vernon’s obviously matured since the time he had to jump on Jun’s back for a piggyback ride, but Vernon doesn’t really complain (let the growing do the talking).

Vernon’s going to outgrow Jun’s crib for him soon. That scene in OFD2 says everything. Their need to be in constant physical contact with each other is a big JunSol trait.

The scene of Jun finally (secretly) shedding tears on stage and Vernon first teasing him and then comforting him is legendary. Not to mention that one time when Jun seemed to be scolding Vernon for coming to him last after his aerobics performance.

I still believe this ship has the most skin ship with one another, or at least has the most equal contribution of skin ship.

Vernon tends to overreact to everything Jun does, tracing back since Mansae era.

Instead of trying to contain each other’s weirdness, they make a match out of it. Is that not cute?

ChanHui

Although Jun mentioned that all his dongsaengs are cute, and babies pretty much all of dongsaeng line, Dino’s the only one he seems to be hesitant with despite being in the same unit. This is because he sees and treats Dino as an adult (which was mentioned by Dino during a fanmeet), possibly tracing back to pre-debut when Dino and Vernon taught Jun how to dance.

Jun really has a lot of respect for Dino as a dancer and admires how hardworking he is, but as an older brother at home, it is probably hard for Jun to get rid of his “big brother” senses all together and still worries over him (despite fully acknowledging his capabilities and skills).

I’ve mentioned before that ChanHui is a little bit awkward, and their case is similar to JunHao’s. Dino is a very serious but sensitive kid, it is almost painfully obvious. It is insanely hard to be the maknae in a group of 13 people, he probably feels the constant need to prove himself, and it is very possible that his suggestions are often disregarded because of his position (we’ve seen a brief tense period with him, S.Coups, and Woozi in 17 Project). Dino doesn’t seem to take well to teasing during stressful periods, like when they’re preparing for a concert or thinking about choreography. This was more prominent when they first started out, but he’s really grown since then. Dino’s personality is very similar to Hoshi’s where they might be a little intense under stress, which is why Jun’s carefree attitude may very well strike the wrong chord.

While Jun acknowledges Dino, he still gets worried over whether he’s taking care of himself, and Dino may find the fuss to be annoying at certain moments due to his serious personality in addition to the fact that he dislikes being “coddled”. It’s this clash that causes a certain sense of awkwardness.

Like I said though, Dino’s been improving a lot in terms of being able to deal with ups-and-downs, as shown by how quick he was to react during Hoshi’s outburst in OFD2. He also seems to care for Jun a lot more, or has become more verbal about it, like how he hypes Jun up in V lives and mentions him more in interviews and other instances.

Let’s not forget the birthday kiss Jun gave Dino, that probably explains their relationship a lot as well. If Dino were to be completely cold and indifferent to Jun’s affection, I doubt he would have rushed to give him a kiss.

Dino doesn’t seem like the type to be able to express his feelings easily, or at least not under casual circumstances, while Jun can express his affection freely, which is a difference that makes them awkwardly sweet; especially when Dino writes to Jun, “Even though I don’t say this often, I love you ^^ Truly”, and tries to tell him happy birthday in Mandarin.

Jun is probably also a dongsaeng-like hyung to Dino, which in return probably means he feels comfortable with him when they’re under a relaxed environment. He seems fairly comfortable with him in fanmeets and even tries to appease him by acting cute (to no avail because Jun was denied love from him earlier), so that’s a thing.

Things are looking up for this ship as shown by very very recent moments (as recent as Jun’s once a day Jun V live that Dino took part in from the background). Jun accidentally called Dino by his real name (referring to him as “Channie”) a couple times before realizing he should be calling him Dino, which is pretty endearing on its own.

[anonymoustalks]

I don't see why being sentimental needs to mean giving up property rights

(6-19-20) You both like politics.

Stranger: Hey

Stranger: How are you?

You: I'm fine you?

Stranger: I'm okay

Stranger: Changed my asset allocation a bit

You: ohh fancy

You: how so?

Stranger: Added international equities

You: mhm is there a reason why?

Stranger: Diversification

You: I see

Stranger: It's pretty cheap

Stranger: Fidelity's international index fund is like 0.035% a year

You: ohh

You: is it a lower rate than domestic ones?

Stranger: Yup, that's like $3.5 for every $10,000

Stranger: No

You: oh, it's higher?

You: or about the same?

Stranger: I mean, Fidelity even has a zero expense ratio index series now

Stranger: I don't personally use it but you can get that if you want

You: idk what that means ^^

Stranger: It's 0 for all

Stranger: No expense ratio

Stranger: 0 expense ratio

You: sorry I'm not super financially literate so idk what that means

You: like no fees or something?

Stranger: You don't pay an annual fee on the fund

You: ahh k

Stranger: How old are you?

You: 26

Stranger: Ok

You: you?

Stranger: I'm 24

You: mhm it's good that you're investing

Stranger: I've been investing for a few years now

Stranger: Mostly domestic equities

You: yeah do you just follow index funds?

Stranger: It's painful to change allocation

You: why?

Stranger: I just buy index funds, yes

Stranger: Because selling means taxes

You: mhm

Stranger: Unless you're in a 401k or IRA

You: right

Stranger: But the space there is limited

Stranger: And I invest a lot more than those limits

You: right

Stranger: Index funds are pretty cheap these days

You: mhm I heard they are good to buy

You: I was told that when you're young you should buy riskier though

Stranger: It's like buying a share the one company that you would get

Stranger: if all the companies merged together

You: right

Stranger: Riskier than equities?

You: stocks

Stranger: Like leveraged equities?

Stranger: Yeah?

Stranger: I mean, stock index funds buy stocks

Stranger: Underneath

You: mhm

You: what brings you to omegle?

Stranger: Just bored on a Friday evening

Stranger: Got done with work

Stranger: Reading news

You: ah okay

You: what tags do you normally do?

Stranger: Hm, computer science, investing, politics, san francisco

You: oh you're from SF?

Stranger: Bay Area, yeah

Stranger: Unfortunately

You: mhm expensive

Stranger: Eh

You: not really?

Stranger: I mean, the pay is a fair bit higher

Stranger: Expenses don't scale as much

Stranger: Like the rent here is 2.5K for a 1 bedroom apartment

You: ahh okay

Stranger: I pay 1.25K a month

Stranger: my girlfriend pays 1.25K

Stranger: But my pay would be like 5K a month less in say Tennessee

You: I see

Stranger: So money left after rent is definitely higher here

Stranger: Than wherever else

You: mhm

Stranger: Rent in Tennessee may be 1K a month but who cares really

You: does your workplace have offices in other states?

Stranger: Totally

Stranger: Like ten states

You: mhm

You: yeah I haven't thought very much about how differently the same company in different states

You: *pays

Stranger: Incredibly differently

Stranger: https://www.levels.fyi/locations/

You: I feel like the stereotype is that SF has a lot of fancy tech companies, therefore the salary is high because of the company

Stranger: The median pay in the Bay Area is 239K

Stranger: It's 115K in Dallas

You: mhm

You: (I was just thinking 239k is a lot haha)

Stranger: 136K in Chicago

Stranger: 239K is the median here, you can make more if you are more senior

Stranger: Or perform well above average

Stranger: This is tech

Stranger: Pay

Stranger: I mean

You: right

You: I'm not familiar with tech salaries

Stranger: That site has a good summary

Stranger: Anyway..

You: it's interesting, thanks for sharing it

Stranger: What do you do in life

You: research tech

Stranger: Okay

Stranger: It says you like politics

Stranger: What are your interests there

You: mhm, pretty general I guess

You: I'm mostly here to hear about other ppl's opinions

You: I'm interesting in the diversity of opinions across different areas I guess

You: *interested

Stranger: Are you a guy

You: yup

Stranger: Same

Stranger: Do you plan on getting married

You: mhm... idk

You: you?

Stranger: I'm not

You: that sounds very resolute even though you're cohabitating?

Stranger: Well, yeah, talked this through on the third date

Stranger: We've been together since sophomore year of college

You: right

You: and is there a reason why you dont want to get married?

Stranger: Don't see any reason to

Stranger: All you get is lose property rights

You: mhm in what way?

Stranger: As in you don't own anything

Stranger: The marriage does

Stranger: Which is why things get divvied up in divorce

You: oh, so you prefer to keep things totally separate?

Stranger: Most definitely

You: mhm you sound like a hyper-rational person

You: I feel like the popular norm is to get a prenup

Stranger: Eh

Stranger: I would definitely not call that a norm

Stranger: Almost nobody gets a prenup

You: hm, really?

Stranger: As a % of marriages

You: oh I just thought that the stereotype was that among highly educated people with a lot going into a marriage, they would

Stranger: https://www.oceansidedivorcelawfirm.com/prenup/prenuptial-agreement-statistics/

Stranger: "Despite half of all marriages ending in divorce, only 11% of couples state that there’s a chance their marriage could end in divorce and less than 5% have a prenup in place to protect their interests should they divorce"

You: like marriage laywers and things

You: but idk

You: I feel like not all americans have incomes on the level that you do

Stranger: And prenups get routinely thrown out

Stranger: I mean, that's just not true

Stranger: Jeff Bezos just divorced

Stranger: Richest man on earth

Stranger: Because his wife was extra awesome

Stranger: He only had to give 25% of his assets

Stranger: lol

Stranger: Otherwise it'd be at least 50%

Stranger: Now she's one of the richest people on earth

You: mhm

Stranger: What

You: hm?

Stranger: I mean

Stranger: Jeff Bezos was valedictorian at Princeton

Stranger: In Electrical Engineering and Computer Science

Stranger: He started by working at an investment banking firm in NYC

Stranger: He was always elite...

Stranger: Didn't get a prenup

You: right

Stranger: And at any rate

Stranger: The courts just say

Stranger: The wife was under duress

Stranger: Or it has aged out

You: in either case I thought it was just a stereotype, I could just be totally wrong

Stranger: If the marriage is more than a couple years old

You: mhm

Stranger: I think it makes the relationship stronger for sure

Stranger: Given it's so easy to just walk out

You: what makes the relationship stronger?

Stranger: You've really got to be choosing to be with the other person everyday

You: ahh yeah

Stranger: I mean

Stranger: Married people

Stranger: A lot of them

You: I guess I haven't thought very much about the meaning of marriage

Stranger: Just put up with whatever

Stranger: Just to avoid the hassle

You: mhm

You: I guess for me I'm just irrationally sentimental haha

Stranger: Hm, okay

Stranger: I don't see why being sentimental needs to mean giving up property rights

You: I mean from my eyes, you seem to be a hyper-rational person

Stranger: That seems like unnecessary negative judgement on people that don't get married

You: hm? I don't mean it negatively

You: sorry if it came off that way

Stranger: Okay

Stranger: So you said you research tech?

You: you just seem like 500% more rational than everyone haha

Stranger: What do you mean by that exactly

You: research technician?

Stranger: Ah ok

You: like sort of do experiments

Stranger: I read it as

Stranger: I research "tech"

You: oh yeah, it's just the job title

Stranger: Makes sense

Stranger: So what are your political ideas generally

Stranger: Also what state are you in

You: mhm new england

You: I'm kind of moderate left

Stranger: Okay

You: I don't have extremely strong views

You: it's more so I'm very interested in understanding the views of others

You: and I guess the kind of lives that other ppl have

You: I think the coasts are kind of a bubble

You: it's easy to miss what a lot of the country goes through

Stranger: Well

Stranger: The coasts are kind of a bubble

Stranger: But they also do have most of the people

Stranger: So like, pretty representativwe

Stranger: representative*

You: mhm idk if that kind of reasoning works

You: like if you were to hypothetically imagine a world democracy

You: it's like saying asia is representative of the world

Stranger: Well, works if you weight it by people rather than by geographical area

Stranger: No, since Asia only makes up 40% of the world's population

Stranger: And there's little linking India and China

Stranger: Two vastly different cultures

Stranger: Other than white people saying

Stranger: "Ok, this is Europe, which is where I'm at - all this stuff east of me is asia"

You: hm? you've lost me a little

Stranger: I'm just saying Asia as a label doesn't make sense since there's little tying say China to India

Stranger: And moreover Asia is not representative of the world in general

You: oh, idk divisions are arbitrary

Stranger: Most of the GDP is not in Asia

You: or at least, my statement was intended as a counterargument

You: for the coasts being representative of the US based on the premise that most of the population is concentrated there

Stranger: Well, not really as a % of the population

Stranger: If 75% of people were in Asia

Stranger: And all incomes were same across earth

Stranger: Then yes, Asia would pretty much be world

You: mhm I just think that there's a function and purpose to having a government that takes into consideration geography

You: for instance, I don't believe in presidential elections based entirely on popular vote

You: even though I am a democrat

Stranger: Hm, ok

Stranger: Well, there's some chance the National Popular Vote Interstate Compact will go through

You: the design of the senate is to ensure that each state (which is a geographical designation) has a voice in government

You: otherwise states like idk idaho would have no voice at all

Stranger: Sure

You: I think electoral reform is good though

You: in either case I do think a rural-urban divide should be considered

You: and I think protections should exist for rural interests

Stranger: I see

Stranger: So you're voting Joe Biden?

You: yup

Stranger: What policies of his do you like?

You: mhm it's more of a "I definitely won't vote trump"

Stranger: Right

You: what are your thoughts?

Stranger: On his policies?

You: sure, or in general

Stranger: Hm

Stranger: I suppose I'm pretty neutral

Stranger: I think they have similar policies

You: who did you support in the primary?

Stranger: Although I suppose I do prefer Trump's policies more in general although not a fan of him as a person

You: which of his policies did you like?

Stranger: Did not vote in the primaries

Stranger: Cutting corporate tax rates for one

Stranger: That's one I think is definitely important

Stranger: Reducing trade imbalances

Stranger: Especially with China I think is very critical

Stranger: He's got great policy on that

You: are those the tariffs or are you talking about something else?

Stranger: Individual income tax cuts I'm not a fan of

Stranger: He blew a massive hole in the budget

Stranger: I mean the negotiations in general

Stranger: The tariffs are a means to an end

You: ahh I see

You: I haven't seen a lot of data on outcomes of trade

Stranger: Joe Biden has great policy regarding SS

Stranger: He wants to impose the SS taxes after 400,000

Stranger: I think the cap should be removed entirely

Stranger: It's a nonsensical system

You: ah yeah

Stranger: I also like his carbon tax a lot, even though climate change is not really a concern of mine

Stranger: Since it is very much like a VAT or sales tax

Stranger: Which I'm a big fan of by Democrats say they hate...

Stranger: but*

You: mhm

You: it sounds like economics are you main concern

Stranger: Joe Biden also has great immigration policu

Stranger: He has called for a moratorium on deportations

Stranger: Trump is doing buffoonish stuff there

Stranger: Although Biden wants to deport criminals which makes no sense

Stranger: Given the high recidivism levels

Stranger: They just reenter the border illegally and commit more crimes

You: mhm interesting

Stranger: They need to be imprisoned not deported

Stranger: Well

Stranger: Housing policy is my primary concern, over economics

You: oh, how so?

Stranger: But I see that more as a state-level issue and not a federal one

Stranger: Well

Stranger: In the San Francisco Bay Area for instance

Stranger: Over 90% of the land zoned for residential use is zoned single-family

Stranger: i.e. it is illegal to build anything but a single-family house

You: huh

Stranger: Causing massive housing shortages

Stranger: The housing prices are through the roof

Stranger: And especially low earners are very house poor

You: is this a controversial issue at all?

You: I don't understand why your city would keep those zoning regulations

Stranger: Because the homeowners like it

You: mhm

Stranger: The current governor Gavin Newsom ran saying he'll fight for reform

Stranger: But he got nothing done

Stranger: Nothing at all

You: right...

Stranger: The median home price in the Bay Area is like a million dollars

You: are zoning regulations city ordinances?

You: so it would be city council elections?

Stranger: City or county depending on context

Stranger: Yeah, in a lot of cases

You: ahh kay

You: I actually don't know what the housing secretary of various departments do

Stranger: Housing secretary of various departments?

Stranger: What do you mean by that

Stranger: Like the HUD secretary?

You: yup

You: I think there are some state counterparts too

Stranger: The HUD mostly manages so called section 8 housing

Stranger: across the various states

You: subsidizing housing?

Stranger: Yeah

You: ahh okay

You: yeah I know very little about this

You: thanks for explaining it to me

Stranger: Really the important part is increasing supply

Stranger: Subsidizing it is not a cure at all

Stranger: Since you still can't physically put more people in no matter what

Stranger: Unless there are more actual housing units

You: is it the developer who decides whether to make something section 8 versus something normal?

Stranger: Well, depends on the ordinance really

Stranger: Usually they require a certain %

Stranger: Like if you build 100 units, at least 30 have to be rent stabilized

Stranger: Or whatever

You: oh

Stranger: Sometimes they can even contribute to a fund instead of actually building the subsidized housing

You: right

Stranger: No developer in their right mind would do that by their own will

Stranger: I mean

Stranger: It's all silly

Stranger: We have that here

You: mhm

Stranger: But it's just very upsetting seeing so many people so house poor

You: yea

You: thanks for explaining all these things to me

Stranger: Anyway

Stranger: I should have dinner now

Stranger: Nice chat

Stranger: Goodbye

You: alright good night!

Stranger has disconnected.

[infinitemelancholie]

April.23.2017

A couple of new developments in my life:

1. I can confidently state “Fuck everyone” because of the state I’m in and all that I went through and will probably continue to go through. I hate that I was sexually assaulted as child and that it’s after affects will probably be something I have to deal with now. I hate the people that lead me to believe that doing anything with men somehow made me less of a man, and just about anyone that has tried to force me into hyper masculine roles. Those people suck and fuck them. Fuck everyone who never lead me to believe it was possible to be bi. That really was unnecessary and uncalled for and just made being me even more difficult and I hate them for it. Fuck everyone that treats queer men as accessories or fetish or something because like the fuck is up with that? Fuck everyone that somehow thought it was cool that I was into one gender but if I wanted to know about the other or some other gender I’d have to talk to someone else. Because like how the fuck is that supposed to work and why the fuck do you think it’s ok to be supportive and helpful for something that doesn’t even fully encompass my sexuality? Fuck all straight women for being shitty towards gay and bi men. Like seriously? This is how you treat us? Fuck straight women that try to pretend I’m gay or something. Because that’s not how this works and you’re really a shiity person. Take down that rainbow facebook profile tint because you sure as shit aren’t an ally. Fuck anyone that’s aphobic on any level. Aces are literally the best thing to ever happen. The notion of now desiring sexual relations completely destroys current relationship discourses and makes being non monogamous much easier. And yeah I’m most definitely grey romantic so that’s a thing and I’m enjoying that because like I feel free at last to not have to worry about a number of issues I think. Fuck everyone that thinks being promiscuous makes you a misogynist or something because like honestly you can have millions of sex partners and yet still be completely respectful towards each and every one of them and treat them like they matter because they do matter to you and that’s how I’m basically living my life right now and honesty I gotta tell ya it’s the fucking tits. Like it’s actually a good thing for me and to me honestly. I feel like I’m able to express a kind of love to them without like having to form some kind of “committed” relationship with all the stalking, needless and endless insecurities and jealousy, restrictions  on who can be my friends, restrictions on sexual relations, restrictions on how I live my life, trying to reform or change me in any way shape or form, trying to dominate me in the sense of pulling shit like the silent treatment or threatening to end a relationship or any other toxic behavior that many monogamous esque people engage in. Honestly fuck anyone that’s normalized this toxic relationship monogamous culture we have. It’s only killing us. And fuck anyone who doesn’t let me have a say for my own needs or tries to make them into some kind of selfishness because it’s not. And fuck anyone that gets butthurt at being told no. If you can’t take no for an answer that’s definitely your problem and that’s definitely a sign I need to be as far away from you as I possibly can be. Fuck white people for being racist. Fuck my college professors for being fucking I don’t know cocky I guess is the word for it? Some of them come off as a little domineering or something along those lines and it’s weird. Also yeah I know I’m not doing all that great but like I have mental issues that aren’t entirely my fault so fuck off. 

2. This deserves its own space. Fuck misogyny and sexism. No seriously fuck that noise. Fuck the noise that made me super paranoid over talking to women or interacting with them on some level because of this irrational fear of like them being somehow unapproachable or whatever because of hotness rating on a 1 to 10 scale. Seriously the fuck’s up with that? Like “Oh I can’t talk to you because you’re out of my league”? Like fuck that bullshit. Its not healthy and honestly feeds this weird idea that women are somehow magically different and must be treat specially by men because they’re women. News flash they’re just people with literally the same problems as us but even worse if possible. Seriously women are without a doubt the must insecure people on the face of the earth. Oh and here’s some grade A dating advice: learn to be fluent in passive aggression. It’s every woman’s modus operandi no matter what. They’ll always try to do something to let you know but not really know what they want. Excessive giggling or laughter is probably a sign they’re into you. Mentions of what they like means “you better fucking take them there/do this for them at some point because they like this thing”. Like honestly women are probably the ones that make most of the decisions when it comes to these things. Men just follow along. Of course there’s those discrepancies where the man makes a decision and the woman goes along to keep him happy or something but still that does give power over to women because like it’s up to her keeping this dude happy when she doesn’t have to. Also this is helping me out a lot in unpacking my internalized biphobia because a) I’m realizing that I don’t need to sleep with massive amounts of women to reclaim my manhood b) sleeping with men is the literal tits and I fucking love it and it in no way impacts my gender etc c) I have no reason to feel that women have some weird sex power over me because like they’re just women. Literally there’s nothing special about them. They’re probably more afraid of me which I’m not ok with but kinda am because like I got nothing to fear on my part. Even if it doesn’t work out with one woman like it doesn’t matter. There are others for starters and also I’m fucking bisexual. Why should I obsess over the rejection of just one woman when there’s like other genders out there for me to be occupied or involved with. As far as I’m concerned a rejection is just a pass to continue being single and I’m honestly enjoying that. No giving up my shit to others. No having to cohabitate with someone. No having to shell out money for valentine’s day and stuff. None of that. I’m a free man and I can do with that what I want to do.

3. Sometimes I’m confused about my grey romanticism. There are people I meet that got me feeling some kind of way and I don’t know what to do about it. Like there’s this one girl I just met this quarter who seems like really cool and stuff but like I think I’m crushing on her or something. Maybe I’m just sexually into her? That seems more likely. I can live with that. I guess the question is trying to proceed from there in a way that won’t like make things weird for us. Maybe I should just be upfront about the whole grey romantic bisexual thing and be done with it. Fuck it here’s what I want. Yes I want to have sex with her all throughout campus or wherever because I think it’d be awesome and I think she’s got it going on. I’m not really into the prospects of being in a committed romantic relationship because that’s definitely not me but like a fwb or something would be dooooooooope. But like none of that feau fwb thing that people have. Like a queer platonic relationship kinda thing would be what I’d like. Yeah that’s what I want. A queer platonic relationship. A relationship where you’re not really a bf or gf but one where you’re more than friends still. You’re friends but like a different kind of friend. Not even a best friend. A friend where there’s intimacy and closeness but no real romantic connection present. A queer platonic relationship. That’s what I’ve been after this whole time. I’ve just settled on doing the whole romantic thing because like idk I guess it’s easier to do that or something. Like it’s easier to communicate that to potentials etc. Also this brings into mind this guy I met earlier this year who I swear I’ve developed a crush on but am now thinking it wasn’t quite a crush really. Perhaps that was what a squish is. Perhaps I’ve officially had my first squish without realizing it. Mmmm maybe not. Though it’s somewhere between the two I can at least admit that.

4. There’s a difference between doing what you want without worrying about what others think and being a deuche nozzle about it. Ie you can go about your life not really caring about others’ opinions but consequences do matter in some way or another. I haven’t fleshed out the details but a few examples

 -being involved in any way with someone in a workplace or even small college/college department/club/etc (partly why I’m a little off put by my feelings towards this girl and even guy) has consequences for both myself and them. If things go to shit like everyone will be up in our business about it. Like they’d know. Plus we’d have to see one another a lot and let’s be honesty PTSD me probably won’t be able to handle that well. Plus I’m sure it’d just make them hate me more. And we’d be sharing friends so group studying becomes awkward etc

I was going to say something about casual sex and feelings developed from that but like honestly I’m not the one responsible for making someone feel or think that I’m in love with them because of how we have sex together or how they feel about having sex with me. Although it’s pretty shitty when like the other person like wants to have sex with you but like becomes weird about it afterwards for lord knows what reason. Anyways moral of the story it’s not my problem nor is it my job and I’m ok with that