#if thats what it takes to beat the depression to go exercise

[halinski]

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[davyjoneslockr]

Narancia for the character game! Or, if someone else beat me to Nara, Coco Jumbo

(For this ask game)

First impression: Okay so fun fact, my partner is a huge Narancia fan, and has been since before we met (which was actually because of JJBA lol, but I digress), so before I got to Vento Aureo, I already knew quite a bit about him from their infodumping. So I went into it kinda biased, but I did really like him from the start. I thought he was cute and fun and was a good silly childish character to balance out all the depressing shit happening elsewhere.

Impression now: Hhhhhhhhh. Love this little dude. I think he’s the second-best written character in that part (behind Bucciarati) and he occupies so much of my brain at all times you have no idea. He’s cute and silly, but not innocent, and his whole story really emphasizes the tragedy of VA. I like that, on a level only comparable to Giorno, he exercises a ton of agency – not only in getting on the boat, but by disobeying Bucciarati’s orders to leave Passione alone and go home. People don’t talk enough about how, unlike the others, Narancia actually had the chance to live a normal life, but didn’t take it. Narancia effectively ruined his own life for the sake of companionship. Augh. And I sobbed so hard over his death. Still do every time I watch it. Whatever. Fantastic character I adore him

Favorite moment: That scene where he’s in the turtle with Trish, and, even though she’s trying to hide her feelings, he reads her perfectly and lays everything out in a way that shocks even her. Even though there’s a lot of jokes about Narancia’s book smarts, he’s really fucking emotionally intelligent – more than anyone else in the gang, I’d say, easily – and that’s super important. It’s the reason he was able to get on the boat when Fugo wasn’t. There’s a few moments in Purple Haze Feedback, in flashbacks, where Narancia holds the fact that he’s older over Fugo’s head, and jokingly equates age with superiority and experience or whatever. But the truth is, he actually is wiser and understands the world better than Fugo (or, really, anyone else). Genuinely love that so much.

Idea for a story: Hopping on the pre-canon train again, but I really want to write about the period after Bucciarati sends him back home to return to school, up to the point where he goes behind his back and joins the gang. Unlike everyone else, he didn’t have Bucciarati to guide him towards Polpo, nor did he likely know what a stand was before his initiation. He had to figure all that out by himself and go into it blind. I don’t see enough fanwork about that, and it’s a shame, because I think there’s a lot of really interesting stuff to theorize about there.

Unpopular opinion: Hate hate HATE it when people treat him like a toddler. Like I said, he’s not innocent, and while he can be a bit childish, the infantilization he gets from the fandom is a bit much. Every time I see someone claim he should’ve been younger than Fugo, I’m like. NO. THATS THE POINT. LIKE I SAID HE’S OLDER AND WISER AND MORE MATURE AND THAT’S IMPORTANT. Also I feel like it’s weird how people constantly portray him like a child and rag on his intelligence when it seems likely that he has a learning disorder but we’re not ready for that conversation are we.

Favorite relationship: Ohh boy where do I start. Romantically I obviously adore Naramis and I really like Naratrish as well. Friends to lovers who act as each other’s solace from the horrors of their daily life + two sides of the same coin who naturally seem to understand each other but have to work to see where their own self projection ends and the other begins. Both fantastic dynamics imo. And his relationship with Fugo drives me insane oh my goddd. They’re exes they’re best friends they hurt each other constantly they love each other so deeply they know each other so well they’ll never be able to fully understand each other. They’re soulmates but not in a romantic sense just in two people who wouldn’t be complete had the other not occupied a space in their life. Etc.

Favorite headcanon: HIS SKIRT WAS HIS MOM’S AND HE TOOK IT WHEN HE RAN AWAY FOR GOOD also when he’s older because he lives to be older shhhh he gets a little growth spurt and ends up just barely taller than Fugo smiles. Autistic ADHD icon as well :]

[xoxo-angelicgloom]

𝓗𝓸𝔀 𝓘 𝓬𝓸𝓹𝓮 𝓭𝓾𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓪 𝓭𝓮𝓹𝓻𝓮𝓼𝓼𝓲𝓿𝓮 𝓮𝓹𝓲𝓼𝓸𝓭𝓮

How I cope during a depressive episode , and how you can too!!

what is a depressive episode?

A depressive episode is a period of at least two weeks during which a person experiences symptoms of major depressive disorder (MDD) according to the American Psychiatric Association (APA)

symptoms to watch out for: fatigue, loss of interest / pleasure in most / all activities , difficulty sleeping / oversleeping , difficulty concentrating, loss of appetite 1. let loved ones know what your going through -- so that they can understand and be more patient with you.

2. determine it's severity: track how you feel , for ex. ask yourself daily on a scale of 1-10 whether or not you feel like you can do this 1 being "definitely" and 10 being "I really need help" , if you find yourself closer to 10 on most days, I recommend you seek professional help.

3. be patient with yourself : you're going to be behind, fall out of routine, instead of beating yourself up over every mistake or failure; treat yourself with compassion.

a good exercise when you start to hear that negative self talk repeat over and over again in your brain is to envision yourself saying something it to a loved one, think to yourself, "would I say this to them? -if the answer is no, why am I saying it to myself?"

4. make time for the things you love: try to intentionally set apart some time every day for your interests. remind yourself that you are allowed to spend time on these things. ( do it even If you don't feel like it, do it especially If you feel like you can't cause you're not allowed to enjoy yourself anymore rebel against those feelings) something I do is I try to spend at least 15min a day on one thing that I love to do

5. take care of yourself : taking care of yourself is the hardest during episodes because it feels like its just not even worth it. but remember you are worth it. - set reminders / alarms on your phone to remind you of your hygiene practices - ask someone you trust to remind you / keep you accountable - do it half-assed if you have to, and afterward treat yourself because you still took a step toward taking care of yourself.

some of my personal favorite practices

Grounding / Meditation / Breathework

Going Outside / Going for a walk

Watching cute vlogs on Yt <3

Showering / Washing my body + Visualization

Journaling / brain dumping

thats all for now, ttyl cuties xoxo, angel <3

[halodeer]

23 05 07

TLDR: In the span of the week* I have outlined a new career path for myself and basically a new life path as well

I'm slowly gonna leave the world of software development and enter the world of personal training until it replaces my job completely. Track (the source of most of my happiness lately) is ending in 3 weeks and I have something else to jump to, THANK GOD. Because last year all I did was go back to my depressive tendencies and did nothing but beat myself up for it.

I planned out my study schedule today and it looks like I can fit everything in within 6 months (which is the maximum amount of time that's I can take to complete the certification).

Things are looking good :) and for the first time in a while, I'm not anxious about this choice at all. It feels so right that its almost scary lol I'm ready to make a decent living while being my own boss, more social interaction in my job, and having more free time. It's exactly what I need even if it might take a while to make as much money as I am now.

I've also been keeping up with journaling and exercising and my eating habits have gone back to normal since my anxiety about the future has subsided for now and I'm not overeating nearly as much.

*BASICALLY LIFE IS GOOD AND ON THE OUTSIDE IT LOOKS LIKE IT HAPPENED OVERNIGHT! But of course it didnt. It took years to get here and thats the crazy part. It took years of me hating myself, being confused after graduation, isolating myself during quarantine, struggling with my body image, and so on and so on. It took all of that and overcoming it to get to this point.

It just feels like a new good phase of life but just like my last good phase, it came after a lot of bad. So if you made it this far, hold on a lil longer! The best advice I ever got during the worst part of my depression was just to wait one more day to do something permanent. Every day, tell yourself "I'll end it all tomorrow" until you never want to say that again.

So I'll see you tomorrow friends <3

[teacherintransition]

I Got More Behind Me Than I Got in Front of Me

Muerte, décès, morte, tod, смерть, death!

Now, everyone in a good mood?

For over two years, I’ve been engaged in an ongoing exploration of my personal path of adjusting to changing my life in retirement and finding meaning in this new adventure. Without too much paraphrasing, I’ve come across folks who, when confronted with my choice, responded, “retirement… you’ll probably be dead in five years.” W …T …F? You think I’m kidding; but I kid you not gentle reader, there are people like that who roam our fair lands. You may feel such individuals deserve a beating, but listen as I tell that pity is probably the more appropriate response. It must be terrible to feel that the distraction of toil is the only thing keeping away the grim reaper.

There’s probably a number of reasons this uniquely American mindset exists: keeping up with the Jones’s, religious upbringing, trauma, the Puritan work ethic, guilt…etc.. I experienced that mindset…oh yes, I started working at the tender age of thirteen and worked every work day until my retirement at fifty four. Even as a teacher with sixty hour work weeks, I worked every summer until I shattered my leg in ‘06; I even ran theatre camps after that injury. I got my creds baby, oh yeah, I’ve put in the hours. So, what changed my perspective you ask? I dunno, a lot of things I guess. There was some serious questioning of my spiritual and world view that came from tragic events; there was the loss of some significant people in my life at an early age; and I guess I actually picked up some wisdom. Who’d have thunked that?

I cannot deny certain facts though, the big sleep gets ever closer …that’s a fact …Jack! You WILL begin to lose your cultural lodestones as you age. In just a week we lost Jeff Beck, Van Connor, David Crosby and Lisa Marie Presley. If you’re Gen X…it was an emotional kick in the gut! You realize that there are lot less fewer birthdays in your future than you’re in your past. I remember at the beginning of a summer break a few years ago, a friend and colleague commented how she hoped summers would last forever! I replied that I did love summer and if I was lucky I’d have about forty more of them. You would’ve thought I told her that Santa Clause wasn’t real! “OH MY GOD…how can you think that way? I’m so depressed now.” Hell, that’s just the way it is…what can you do? I understand the sentiment… it’s not an “oh boy” moment; and my religious upbringing did foster a terror of the final curtain.

Do I fear death? I used to a lot… now not so much. I’ve got a Buddhist, eastern vibe going on and that’s as much as I’ll say about that. Here, right now, how do I deal with the unavoidable shuffling off of this mortal coil? I’m about to get philosophical right now, so buckle up! I lost a good friend who drowned when we were ten; terrible fear and anxiety followed. Another friend died at nineteen …the fear and torment followed again. You know the routine; we are going to keep losing friends and family and if you’re not careful, each one will take joy away from you. You’ll get consumed with the unfairness of it. I quote from Clint Eastwood’s character, Will Munny, from The Unforgiven, “fair ain’t got nuthin to do with it.” Well, there you go, not much more to say after that. All we are left with a growing sense of impending doom? No, change your mind and your ass will follow. Our life is as long as it’s supposed to be. Don’t go to fairness, or being cheated, or that’s wrong… that’s a losing proposition dude. You might as well try to keep the tide back with a broom. What is …is.

What’s a bigger tragedy: dying at the age of nineteen or living to be eighty and everyday being an exercise in avoiding joy because of some indoctrinated fear? I know what I think. No one knows how many birthdays or Christmas’s you have left, so why the hell do we bother worrying about them. You have today, thats it compadre…just today. If you’re fifteen, all you have is today. If you’re eighty five, all you have is today. Try getting out of that one. With this late in life realization and with the knowledge I had financially prepared for myself and my family; I decided that whatever day was my last, it wouldn’t be spent workin’ for the man! That’s all I got for you …it’s what gets my by. Maybe because I’ve lost so many friends, family and heroes that my connection to this world has lessened…I’m sure that’s part of it. I mean who really wants to live forever? We have right now and if we’re lucky or smart, we have treasured people to spend it with while here. Don’t get tied down with the “what ifs” or “what about’s” …fill your heart with the what is. You can’t avoid the grim reaper, but you can punch him in the teeth when you see him. Have a great day!

[blehblehbso]

i am going to fucking cry. i want to actually. but i cant even do that. i tired, but it didnt happen. im playing sad songs right now but i also wanna end the whole world. i just need a few days to digest everything but nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. life or i should say this fucking college doesn't let us have that. i mean okay entire days are not depressing or anxiety creating but thats because i am consciously ignoring the duties and tasks that are constantly looming above my head. i have no fucking clue how the hell people joing frickin extra curriculars in class because I AM BURIED under work. just when you think ah now im free, BAM there's something else.

dammit im trying so hard, i still can't cry what the actual f. my hands and feet and feet are cold, ive been asking for the effing heater, and im just put aside every time. yes they're busy too. and thats how i take the blame on myself for not being tough. oh dammit it is cold and i need a fcking heater, what about it?!!!!!!

i want to cry in someones armss and take a gun or a knife nd stab a target a hundred times too. im angry at myself for using the phone in bed, messing up my sleep, not exercising, wasting time. this is a bad habit. i shouldnt blame myself. and now i wanna blame my company for giving me this trait. i want to frickin beat up everybody who says they haven't studied and then comes and starts chanting the entire fuking chapter.

i- i hate him so so much but i do not know why i want him to hold me at moments like now. just pat my head and tell my its gonna be fine. and now i feel weak for needing someone to calm myself.

okay atleast im finally crying. yay.

[infinitegalahad]

GENERATION KILL: COMFORTING THERE PARTNER

"This is just me formally submitting a request for that gk boys offering their own forms of comfort fic/ headcanon/ thoughts wtevr. Lol just as a reminder. 😀"@theboardwalkbody

Gif Credit: @ymagor

A/N: You're wish is my command, homes❣️ Here's a little change of pace! @theboardwalkbody inspired this post (and asked it!), so thanks for the Inspo friend! 🤩 I'm doing this for BoB and TP because I'm going through a slight writer's block and instead of thinking about long descriptions, I just wanna so head canons that get a little out of hand. I hope this isn't too ooc😔 Reader has *inserted mental illness* btw, it's up for interpretation! ALSO GN! READER! Enjoy!

Taglist: @theboardwalkbody @contrabandhothead

Masterlist

NATE FICK-

Nate's a calculated person. He can see the patterns in people, things, etc. Like how his father's eyebrows wrinkle when he's excited, or when his mother likes to prep a meal from vegetables to the main course. So when you're happy, sad, whatever-he knows it, and you don't even have to tell him.

He'll come home and see you. He knows that you've heard him calling you're name, but you don't move. He looks all over the house and finds you inside of your tub, just sitting there with no response. The water is running, and your clothes and hair are soaked.

So in an attempt to not disrupt your peace, Nate climbs in and sits next to you. You look over and he's stares at you. Just as your about to speak, he beats you to it.

"I'll get you a towel and some clothes."

And then, he just leaves. You hear the door quietly shut, and you blink for a few seconds. What the hell just happened? It snapped you out of your depressive trance. Now instead of feeling sad-you just were confused.

So you hear the door lightly open again and then close. After a few more minutes of soaking, you get out and see a towel and a set of clothes that are most certainly not yours. It's Nate's Dartmouth Lacrosse sweater and a pair of underwear-he knows you too well.

So you exit the bathroom and you see Nate, putting two cups down of you're favorite tea

And he's got that face. You know the face were he's like ☹️

"Hey, c'mere."

The two of you climb into bed with eachtoher. He throws one of those ugg blankets over you. You rest his head in his chest and he pats your head. There's a silence, until Nate says, "Do you wanna walk about it."

Normally, you'd say no and he'd read you a book you're reading or hold you as you cry, but this time, it's different.

"Yeah, I do. You won't judge, right?"

Nate tilts you chin up, and he's got a tired smile on his face.

"Why would I?"

BRAD COLBERT-

Brad may appear horrible with emotions and reading the room...in which he isn’t

Okay, scratch that. He tries to understand them, it’s just hard for him to give advice and use words to comfort you. He feels like he’s walking on glass, But sometimes, you just need him psychically more then anything.

When you storm out of a room when Chaffin makes a comment on your weight, Brad takes a few minutes to think what he should do.

Normally, he’d just leave you be, but he’s gotta do something. Getting up, he follows you down the hallway. You’re not far, and he’s calling you’re name.

You stop in the hallway, wiping the tears coming down toye face. Brad turns you around with his hands on your shoulder. He’s got a blank face on as he looks at you, seeing your red face and the tears.

While you sob and stutter, he fixes the collar of your shirt, tucks your hair behind your ear, which is normal. He likes to neaten you up to make you feel better.

But he starts to use his thumb, wiping the tears coming down your face. You shocked as he cups your face, making you look into those icy cold eyes. He looks like the Iceman, cold and emotionless, but what he says very Brad.

“You’re beautiful.”

Then he pulls you into a tight grasp. He’s a whole foot taller then you, and you like the way he snakes his hands around his waist and slightly lifts off you your feet. His sheer presence is intimating, but for you; comforting. 

RAY PERSON-

THIS MAN. although a hick with a big mouth, he does know when to shut up and can read you’re emotions like the back of his hand.

He can just see the sadness swelling in your eyes and the way you pick at the foot at your plate and avoid all of needs for cuddles in bed. Heck, it’s making Ray sad.

So he does what he does best-not shutting up, well-about things he likes about you.

“Man! Look at my hot girlfriend/wife! There reading books by the liberal media, total smartie here! Oh! And they have a degree from-“

Ray will also beg for to your attention and follows you around like a puppy. Like you’ll be sitting on the couch and he’ll come rest his head on your lap. You ignore him, but he starts to twist and quote random movies so you finally give in.

Is Ray annoying? Yes. But did he make you smile? Also yes.

Also Ray is a cook, and knows all of your favorite meals. Of course, he sets the table, lights a few Mantown candles (yes there real google them), and comes to serve your meal with two plates.

“The most beautiful man/woman I have ever seen, the love of my life, the apple of my eye, the Avril to my Bizzy D-you’re hot pockets.”

It makes you laugh, which makes Ray happy. He feeds off of that attention. You sit in Ray’s lap, eating hot pockets, and watching The Best Damn Tour. You lean on Ray’s shoulder, and he leans right back.

POKE ESPERA-

Alexa play Whatta Man’ by Salt-N-Peppa BECAUSE! WHAT! A! MAN!

Poke is one tough mofo. He embodies the meme of “Good morning to my beautiful wife/husband and child everybody else get fucked”.

But like every baddie; baddie’s gotta have soft spots for there bitches. He has two; you and his daughter. And oh god he’s love the two of more then anything in the world.

Poke knows you and his daughter well enough. His daughter first notices that your not as enthusiastic and bubbly, and then she tells Poke. But Poke already knows because he’s observant and very in touch with his emotions.

So when he’s a work; he thinks and does a lot of self reflection. He wonders why you’re upset. Did he cause it? What can he do to make it better? He asks all the guys for advice, and even his own daughter.

An idea strikes! Poke’s got a lot of anger, so his therapist told him to express his emotions by journalling. But Poke learns that it helps him get everything out of system, so he’s a secret writer. Heck, he even likes poetry; and would kill anyone if they’d find out.

While off at work, small letters start to appear across you’re house. Some are long, some are short, but there sweet and make you’re day.

“I held the stars in my arms wen I held you”

“I can’t wait to kiss you.”

“Your eyes stole all of my words away”

And the covers of the notes are done by Poke’s daughter, covered in glitter and Lisa Frank stickers.

You confront Poke about this “mysterious pen pal” and Poke is like “I mean, your lips do sound tempting”

You know it’s Poke, and he knows it, but there’s something about the mystery that is very romantic.

WALT HASSER-

Here comes our favourie country pumpkin

Now let me say. This man LOVES you more then anything the world

Doesn’t wanna show you off (but he does)

So when you’re the slightest bit sad, Walt is even sadder then you are

Walt is someone that lives to receive attention, and also he’s someone that likes to give it. Especially to the love of his life!

Walt gives you things you actually need, and nothing that is materialistic. Growing up, his parents had a healthy relationship, and the apple clearly doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Waits on you hand and foot. A back massage? Done. A fuzzy blanket? Right on it! A specific burger from a joint that is thirty minutes away at three in the morning? Walt’s driving like a manic just for you. You have the man’s undivided attention.

“Walt?”

He stops whatever he’s doing and runs over, getting on his knees, “Yeah, what’s up baby?”

“Can you sing the song? Y’know, our song?”

Walt nods his head, now an eager puppy, and gets his gutair to play the song he wrote especially for you. And this is making me realize how painfully single I am oh my

RUDY REYES-

Rudy has an iv of respect woman/men juice. He always understands the assignment-and desires extra credit.

So whenever you’re down in the dumps, Rudy will drop everything and drag you into the car to go walk on his favorite trail. It’s ten miles long, but Rudy is a fitness freak.

First, you hate doing it. But the more you talk these long walks, the more you begin to enjoy it.

Sometimes there silence. Rudy won’t speak force you to talk. Talking is stressful, and Rudy will wait until you’re ready. The two of you holds hands, and Rudy has such a calming presence. It’s really hard to get angry at him.

You finally speak and tell Rudy you’re problems, and he listens and doesn’t interrupt. He’s got a hand on you’re lower back, or on your thigh. He’s basically you’re emotional support teddy bear and will always be a lending ear, or a total cuddle monster.

Rudy has the best advice as well. It’s always some yoga shit, but damn, those breathing  exercises do actually help.

EVAN “Q-TIP” STAFFORD-

Oh Q-Tip. My feral goblin son😭

I love him, but sometimes-things can fly over his head.

But when you start to ignore him and hide away from him, he begins to notice. And he HATES IT.

Like Christianson will ask him if he’s okay and he’ll literally quote a 2pac song and be like,

“I would drop all my girls for you, Walk barefoot 'round the world for you, Fly around like the birds for you, Thats why I wrote these words for you..”

Lilley is like “Brah we gotta help a homie out”

So the three stooges create Lovegate. The mission? to make Q-Tip’s partner happier.

Q-Tip is very artistically inclined. So with Christenson’s editing skills and Lilley’s camera, Q-Tip writes you a song and does a whole music video.

The man rents out a movie theatre venue just to show you. Of course, you’re blown away. It’s horrible and you can taste the autotone, BUT IT’S THE EFFORT THAT COUNTS. and q-tip has that smile on. you know what i’m talking about!

Doc Bryan walks in on the two of you making out and is pissed since all he wanted to do was see the re-screening of Bridemaids but NO, Q-Tip just had to rent out a theatre to show his partner a music video about them and then make out.

He see’s Lilley, who’s recording and asks to interview what Doc’s opinion on the music video, and this is what he’s says.

“I think my ears bled, but thank fuck those two aren’t acting like emo’s.”

DOC BRYAN-

The gif has a purpose. Trust me. SPEAKING OF THE MAN OF THE HOUR

Bryan, like Poke, is a very observant guy. He’s an angry motherfucker, and even a little insensitive, but ever since dating you; he’s tried to change.

He hates the world. People are shitty, and it makes him feel shitty that you’re sad because when you feel shitty, he’s in a shitter mood then he’s usually in

Knowing that his words might sound a little harsh, Byran knows how to distract you. Without words. After all, he didn’t work out for nothing.

Long hugs are you’re thing. The two of you will run into eachother, find a private place, and he’ll just wrap his arms around you. His big arms are protective, and he’s warm, and you just sink into him.

Sometimes, you’ll fall asleep. Byran sometimes will fall asleep with you, other times he’ll gently lay you down and put a blanket with a gentle forehead kiss.

When you cry in his arms, he’ll wipe the tears away. He can feel them against his arm, and he doesn’t know what to do. Crying girls/guys are not his speciality.

But when you squeeze his arm back, to let you know what your there and that you love him, Byran will freeze. He has no idea what to next with words. He’ll put his hand over yours, and turns out; it works well.

After this is all over, he’ll check up on you and ask you simply if you’re okay. You respond with a smile. Byran isn’t one for smiles, but for you, he shows a subtle smile back. Just to let you know.

[rawripopsarentlollipops]

How to help a depressed/suicidal person (my version at least)

This can be triggering to some. The intention of this post is to help, not hurt.

•talk with them everyday. This is the most important part in my opinion; to have to speaks to them and to have to be genuine. Chances are they know what fake feels like, and they can see it from a mile away. Be honest with them, and they’ll trust you, but don’t abuse their trust.

•let them know, as many times as it takes, that they can talk to you. Whether it’s venting or just joking around; make sure to ask them fairly often how they are starting out. If they’ve kept it a secret before, they will again; be patiently persistent.

•do not lie to them, but let them know you care about them, over and over again. You can’t say it too often, and it’s true. You wouldn’t have read this far if you didn’t love them.

•let them talk for as long as they’re comfortable with, and keep talking to them as well. There will probably be several nights you lose to just talking with them, and it’ll be more than worth it in the end.

•if they don’t want to talk, don’t force them to talk. This is the time to talk about your interests and find a common ground. If their emotions or a mental disorder has makes them go nonverbal, ask yes or no questions- using emojis can help-, or give them a break for awhile with a fun conversation about something the two of you have bonded over. I know it sounds off topic, but it helps; trust me.

•ask them about their interests as soon as you get the chance, but don’t interrupt their venting for it if you don’t have to. This part can be difficult to gauge, especially if you are talking to them online. If they seem to be uncomfortably for too long- which is different for everyone-, or if they seem to be stuck in a loop of feeling slightly better then worse, this is the time for a break.

•tell them they’re not “inconvenient.” They can never be inconvenient. They are a living, breathing person with real thoughts, feelings, experiences, and emotions; not an object to be replaced. But tell them at their level.

•this part is going to hurt like hell, but you need to ask them if they are hurting themselves and if they have done it while talking with you. There are some cases where you’ll have to talk them through the first aid for it, and that’s okay; if you help them stay alive, you can talk to them about self harming later on.

•don’t lecture them unless you know they need it. Lecturing can make people feel pretty shitty sometimes, and that is not the goal. Chances are they’ve gotten an earful of lectures or scolds in the past about this or something else, and so have you. How did you feel because of it, in that moment? Talk to them how you had wished someone would talk to you and be gentle with them. This person is already having one of the worst days of their life.

•shower them in compliments. We all need a little love sometimes, whether we realize it or not. Every compliment you can come up with thats real; if you admire that aspect of them even the tiniest bit while they’re here, you’ll miss it like crazy if it’s gone. Don’t ever let it go.

•if they seem to be panicking, which is not unusual, try calming exercises with them. Do these even if they aren’t panicking. You don’t have to go through every one like a checklist; everybody is different, but I’ve found these to be most effective.

-square breaths: inhale 4 seconds, hold 4 seconds, exhale 4 seconds

-distraction: every once in awhile, work in a totally off topic question. Something light, or maybe even a joke. They’re emotionally raw, they need something to make them laugh, and for some reason, it’s easier to laugh when like that.

-disruption: tell them to drink something cold or suck on an ice cube. Just out of nowhere is fine, or you can work up to it, but in my experience, it works better as a surprise. Panic attacks, anxiety attacks; etc are an all or nothing response, but brain freezes take priority over your brain’s danger senses so it works like a reset button, snapping you out of it for a little while.

-if you are with them in person, offer a hug or to cuddle while you guys talk about it. Offer it verbally. Not everyone is okay with being touched for various reasons- don’t argue with them on it either. Offer, but don’t pressure or force. I can’t explain the process behind it, but hugs and cuddles just make people feel better for some reason, so long as they’re done willingly. I cannot stress this enough, don’t touch them if they don’t want to be touched.

-gifs of calming cat, people painting (slowly), fish swimming; all of these will force your brain to focus on the slow moving creature/object and calm down. I don’t know the sciences behind this either but it’s something about how your brain locks on to motion when you’re like that, and then the slow movement is relaxing.

-the song “weightless” by macaroni union can help people out a lot if it’s playing in the background. It’s one of the few songs that have been proven to help with anxiety and depression, if not the only, and it helps keep people calm. If for some reason, something else is chosen, that’s fine too; just know that slower beats help more than faster beats, and music isn’t totally necessary either.

•if you find yourself completely struggling to talk to them or struggling to help them like you should, make sure they know about the suicide hotline. I don’t know how it works outside of the USA, but for the USA it has text and call options, and it’s always free. If you can’t text or call, there is an online chat as well. These are trained professionals that will help at all hours. Do not use them as a cop out; they are here to help but so are you. If you need some time to breathe and consider before you keep talking to them, ask them if you can continue the conversation later. Don’t dump a link to the hotline on them and dip; that’s a dick move. However, make sure if you have to leave for any reason, they know you’ll be coming back and leave the hotline link or number just in case. There is also hotlines for depression, anxiety, eating disorders, self harming; etc.

I will probably add more to this post later on, feel free to add whatever you’ve found that helps, and remember: you are not alone. There are people who care about you, even if you can’t see them. You are loved, you are valid, and you are the best version of you. You are irreplaceable.

[just-positive-thingys]

Long post (Depression tips)

I was going to write this on my main but I figured it might be able to help someone else. 

For the last month and a bit I’ve been in a pretty bad depressive episode and I’m not sure when it’s going to end (hence the lack of posting) but I have a few tips to make some daily tasks easier. 

Now these won’t help for everyone and won’t help all the time. Everyone is different and every episode is different.

The way I look at things here, is giving your best is not the same everyday. I know I say it a lot, but it’s important to remember. My best today was getting out of bed and eating 1 meal. Whereas other days my best is getting out of bed, getting dressed, eating properly and writing 3000 words. 

So giving 25% instead of 100% is better than nothing. 

Hygiene 

1. Change your underwear and socks. Even if you throw on the same clothes as yesterday.  Depression is hard and makes basic tasks seem so difficult or you simply forget. If you can’t do both, change your underwear. 

2. Brush your teeth If you can’t do both morning and night, do mornings. Start the day fresh. If you can’t do 2 minutes, try a minute and a bit of mouthwash. Or at least mouthwash if you can

3. Deodorant I use spray and I carry a roll on in my bag just incase I forget to put it on in the morning or I feel like I need a top up. I have a fear of smelling bad so I leave it in my bag

4. Baby wipes If you can’t shower, give yourself a quick wipe over with baby wipes. You’ll feel a bit better

5. Shower I know the baby wipes are above but at some point you will have to shower. Even if you jump in and stand under the water for a bit. Try some soap and shampoo your hair.

6. Clean your hair, and brush it Again, at some point, if you have long or short hair you will have to wash and brush it. If you need help, ask someone close to you to wash your hair and brush it. If no one will, do a bit at a time. Kids detangler conditioner works a treat. 

7. Baths If you can. Evening baths are like my depression go to. They help me sleep and if I put in some nice smelling bubble bath then if I can’t wash, I can kinda convince myself that I kinda did wash.

Tackling tasks

Okay so sitting at home in a blanket and either crying or staring at a wall seems like a great idea and all you can do. But trust me, them tasks aren’t going to do themselves. But we’ll work on them

1. Depression naps are like my go to. But it gets to the point where I don’t feel better after a nap and instead take another nap. I mean today I took 4 naps. Wasn’t great. So sometimes naps work, sometimes they do not. 

2. Eat something.  This is where I struggle. I forget to eat. So try alarms, reminding you to eat a meal. Pre make healthy decent meals and freeze them or cook something simple up. Honestly anything is better than nothing. My go to food is chocolate spread on bread. I have an unhealthy amount of chocolate spread in my cupboard. But it’s easy, quick and least it’s something. But salads are also great and if I have time and the stuff, I’ll make a salad. Plus you can add pretty much anything to it to make it a whole meal. Also make sure to drink plenty of water.

3. Go to work or school Okay hear me out. It’s hard. I’ve had depression since I was 10 so I have lived through school, college and work with depression. It sucks like a bitch. Try talking to tutors for extensions and extra help. Make use of the library for a place to study. Talk to school counsellors if you feel up to it. If you have to, take a sick day, but with work, depending how good your work is, they will eventually start to get pissy. I go in and have used the ‘I have a cold thats why I look like shit’ excuse to the point people know it’s my code for ‘depression is kicking my arse.’ I basically pretend I’m someone else and I’m a spy and I have to hide in cover. Whatever works for you. But chances are, if you’re working, you need the money, so you need to go to work. If you can’t go to work due to depression, talk to your work place, or to a doctor.

I also got ahead while I could. I took A-level graphics design in college and second year was so much work. Like if you got behind, you would be trying to catch up for weeks. Instead, when I felt up to it I asked for the next project so I could start on it. My tutor was also my form tutor so understood really well after I explained to him. At the start of the year I was a whole project ahead. By the middle of the year, I was at the same part as everyone else. If I got behind I also asked for an extension or extra help. I went to graphics in free periods to catch up.

4. Day to day tasks So my room is a tip. It’s been over a month since I’ve cleaned it. Are the clothes on the floor clean or dirty?? Who knows?? At this point, not me.  Break it up. Don’t look at your room and think about cleaning it all. Think about doing 1 thing at a time. So tomorrow, I’m going to go through my clothes on the floor and figure out if it’s clean or dirty. I’ll then put the dirty clothes in the washer and place the clean clothes into a pile on the floor. Ready for the next task which is putting them away. Figure out what tasks need doing, and sort them into smaller tasks. One of my tasks was to literally clean my whiteboard in my room. Simple for most people, but when you have depression it’s a huge task. Please don’t beat yourself up. 

5. Meds If you are on meds, take them.  If they aren’t working, talk to your doctor. 

6. Exercise. I know, i hate hearing this one. People think they know everything. Go to a yoga class?? Mate I can’t even leave my house. Oh do a yoga video inside?? I have no motivation and what is everyone’s obsession with yoga. Go for a walk?? Can’t leave my house and people aren’t seeing me like this on my day off.

Hear me out. If you can get up every once in a while, stretch. Stretch up, and down. Untense your jaw, shoulders and hands. If you can jog on the spot. I don’t care if it’s for 5 seconds. Watching TV?? Get up and jog on the spot and sit down again. There is no certain time you do it for, you just need to move. You can go as long or as little as you want, as long as you get up. If you can’t, move your legs sitting down. Shake them, stretch them.

7. Friends If you can organise a meet up. I’m not talking about everyone you know. I mean maybe one person who understands and have a movie marathon or go out somewhere. Sometimes just going out can help.

Remember depression is different for everyone and only you know what works for you. Not all of these will work for you and sometimes they will work then wont work. It’s difficult to know what will help at the time. But just know one thing. You’re not alone.

[sodrippy]

How do you find the motivation and will to go to the gym and work out with depression? I'm finding it hard to just get out of bed....

oh babe thats a big question, and im so sorry youre dealing with this in such a rough state. right off the bat, the major reasons i can go to the gym regularly is i have a job that means i have to wake up on time 5 days a week no matter what, and i genuinely love my gym. in saying that ive gone months where i just stop going and cannot find the mental energy to do anything but the bare minimum of function, and i think the most important thing is not to beat yourself up about it.

on the second point, trying to recenter Why you want to workout and figure out the best way to get there can help a lot too, for me it got MUCH easier when i shifted my focus from "i should lose weight" to "i want to get strong" bc it finally felt like i was working out sincerely for myself, and i didnt have the added angles of pressure and self-loathing from trying to fit myself into some kind of fitness box. youre already struggling with depression, theres no reason to compound it further by making working out a stressful and negative thing right. maybe you want to be able to do chin ups, maybe you want to run a mile, maybe you want a reason to get out of the house, whatever it is you need to take some time and talk to yourself and see what motivation works to give you the push to get up, bc thats the only way itll stick.

i know it can sound kind of stupid to think this deeply about working out but motivation is a really hard thing, and this can be a good jumping off point for tackling bigger issues later. also, working out WILL make you feel better and have an impact on your mental health i promise. i always feel clearer on days i exercise and the mental boost is something i hold onto to push me to go the next day and so on. for me its also a phenomenal anchor when im really going through it, if i can push the rest of it away and work out ill feel better for that part of the day if nothing else.

personally i find a gym is a much better way to keep myself accountable than working out at home bc i can easily say "no" 5 mins into an at home exercise, but once im at the gym im There and i Have to follow through. my gym is a circuit style, so i can just go there and do whatever exercise theyve got set up, so i dont have to think at all, which is also why its easy, bc i can have a blank brain the whole time.

but hey you say you cant get out of bed some days, so gyms and schedules are a ways down the road and thats normal. in my experience routine is imperative. but youre not gonna just wake up and be consistent, bc thats stupid and not realistic and thats also normal. you can just do it once and thats still okay. if you workout one day and then not again for another month or three thats okay. youre not starting from scratch every time even if it feels like it. it took me literal years to begin working out regularly and honestly sometimes it takes that long, and sometimes you cant help it, but i think the key truly is just getting back on that horse even if it takes you months or years to get back up.

dont push yourself when youre starting bc it WILL make you hate it and youll want to quit. just do what you can honestly. walk down your driveway or your block and when you feel "god this sucks" turn around and go back home, literally just do a bunch of stretches in your room if youre not up for anything more bc as boring as they are they will 100% make you feel just a little better.

christ its 3am and i hope this has made sense and been helpful. its a process and its ongoing and the best way is to let yourself reset every 24 hours and take it on anew in the morning.

the two things unfortunately go hand in hand, and the hardest thing is to try and build new routines and safety nets while youre at the bottom, but you absolutely can. motivation and willpower are difficult elusive things bc legitimately the only person who can find them for you is YOU. its hard as shit but babe, at some point, you just have to get out of bed, even if you cant. theres just no way around it. i really really hope you can take the time to think and chat to yourself and find the thing that sounds good to you and use it to pull yourself up, and if you want to figure it out together im here!! 💕💕

[taracottta]

Reversing 29 years of self-perception

About a year and a half ago I decided to start my active journey of self-love, acceptance, and perception.  I was tired of getting down on myself, putting myself down, letting my self-esteem hold me back from living my life, and attaining a self-image that really isn't realistic for me.  The first thing I wanted to tackle was my health. I started lifting weights at the gym with my friend.  It was really mild, we didn't do much, but just the act of going to the gym with my friend was a start. We all have to start somewhere!

As I started to become more active, I started to take friends up on their offers to go hiking (something I didn't want to do prior due to thinking I was too fat and out of shape, and lazy).  One day my friend asked if I wanted to try Orange Theory. At first I was SO hesitant. I looked it up and saw that part of the circuit is to run on the treadmill. HELL NO. I still had PTSD from when I went running crazy and would run for two hours a day on the treadmill when I was in high school.  After that I just told myself, running isn't for me and thats that.  I decided to step out of my comfort zone and agreed to go.  I know this sounds dramatic...but that day changed. my. life. I remember some of their beginning questions.   “Do you work out often now?” Maybe 3 times a week. Hows that working out? At this point I looked at the guy thinking fuuuuck youuu what kind of question is that.  But I was just being defensive because...It wasn't working out. I was at the heaviest I have been.  Ever.  I mean I felt better for going to the gym, but I wasn't getting the results I wanted.  Then he asked me, “What are your health goals? Do you want to loose weight?”  & part of my self love journey was to change the way I thought about loosing weight.  I made a conscious decision to not aim for “loosing weight”  I understood that being healthy was a lifestyle change.  To have a goal to loose weight is not having a goal to change my life style.  So my goal became making myself feel strong and healthy.  And that has been my goal ever since, and still is.  I hated EVERY minute on the treadmill when I took my first class. For all 30 min, I flooded my brain with negative thoughts and feeling angry that I agreed to come to this stupid class.  When the class was done, I immediately signed up for an unlimited membership. I felt a high I haven't felt since high school.  I felt positive, I felt optimistic, and I thought HELL YEAH, I can come here three + times a week!  The negative thoughts and feelings that I experienced was the result of me being pushed out of my comfort zone. I resisted it mentally but decided that since I was already there, I might as well kindaaa try.  But the endorphin high I received after quickly help me realize that I DID IT, and I can do it again!  Lizzo also became a huge influence when she started rising in fame.  I didn’t know about her before. I’m one of those mainstream junkies. Anyway.  I read an interview where she explained the origin of “Truth Hurts” the break up song of the year. She explained that she wrote that song by going to her producer and venting about a recently failed relationship.  He put her rant with a beat and there it came.  She said it was a dark time for her, filled with self-doubt and depression, and yet she came up with an empowering song that helped millions of women lift their spirits when they did doubt themselves because of a failed relationship.  I read that interview in awe thinking how crazy it is that someone can be at the darkest point in their life and produce the most empowering and inspiring songs.  When she would speak at her concerts (I’m going to be dramatic again but its true), I would literally listen to her speeches and cry tears of happiness and love because of what she was saying. It really touched me  so deep down into my soul and I want to say that has been a HUGE reason why I have been able to come so far in my self-love journey.  I saw her, a big, beautiful woman.  I didn't think she was fat, I didn't think she was unhealthy, I saw a beautiful woman full of confidence and purpose and I wanted to exude that same energy.  That is when I truly started to look at my body and accept it for what it is.   Before this, I have always wanted to get back to how I looked when I was 16.  I finally realized, that is an unattainable goal, and thats okay.  I was so unhealthy during that time.  I counted my calories, I exercised every day with no break.  There was a point that I was so obsessed, I would only eat 3 100 calorie yoplait yogurts a day and drink 3 5 oz wanters a day in attempts to not put on water weight.  If I wanted to eat unhealthy food, I would chew the food, and spit it out without digesting it.  THAT IS CRAZY.  I was starving myself of food AND water. I never want to get back to that. That realization helped me with my relationship with food.  I want to eat food that is helps build my body, is tasty, and I enjoy eating.  I want to enjoy my food and I also want to eat food that helps me feel strong.  So I do that.  I eat healthy food. But if I want a fried chicken sandwich, I’m going to get it. And because I won't go on a strict diet my body will not be what it can be, and I’m okay with it.  I like the body the way it is now, and am fine with sacrificing a banging bod, for being able to enjoy food when I feel like it.  This is my life and these are my priorities.  A year and a half later, I feel I have come so far.  Yes I’ve lost weight.  Don't ask me how much, because I don't know.  I don't want to live my life by the scale like I did at the peak of my eating disorder. But you know what I have noticed? I feel stronger, I can do more things without struggling or getting out of breath, I can push myself further.  When I run on the treadmill in OTF and I am able to bump up my speed or bump up my incline without taking a walking break I feel STRONG, and I feel ABLE.  One of our coaches likes to say “Your body is capable of SO MUCH” and it “it is a privilege to move!” and, it is! Some people are not able to do everything that most of us are able to do, and I shouldn't take that for granted.  I shouldn't dread getting out of bed in the morning to go exercise.  I should be eternally grateful that I get to move.  Some people don’t have that luxury, and sometime in the future, I will be able to less than I can now. I shouldn't waste my time now, while im healthy and able. I am so happy at where I am now.  I feel solid, I feel strong, and I feel like I can do more.  Even though we are on our second shut down, and our state has robbed me of not only my physical escape, but my mental and emotional escape, I will push myself to exercise, I will continue to keep going and do more.  I have come to terms with what my body looks like and I am starting to not just, be okay with my body, but to love my body.  I have come so far but have so far more to go.  Loving yourself is a life long journey and I hope you all are on your way to the top.

[shirts181]

Random life vent

I remember being really happy as a kid/teenager, everything was awesome, always had friends and family around and did cool stuff, didn’t overthink about anything just lived my life as it came day by day. Not anymore. Before i dive into this, there’s going to be so many things im going to miss or havent remembered thats probably vital or important in relation to what im saying and as im re-reading over it ill realise i havent added something so yeah just a heads up, im a guy in his mid 20′s, majority of this my friends now dont even know about and i couldnt even imagine trying to explain all this shit to somebody i know, i guess thats why im here lol, i want to add and not sure if its related to how i turned out or not but growing up i was always on the shy side, wasn’t super shy but like when i would do shit like do a class presentation by myself id always go red and blush and sometimes get teary, not that i was sad or upset, id just get fucking teary like a dickhead lol, would use my hands when i talked and just overall looked like a nervous wreck. I was comfy around friends and family, could do whatever, didnt really care, if anything i felt like an extrovert around them, but when it came to being in situations i didnt know anybody, i plainly would just say nothing, not make an effort to really engage in conversation, just lay back and wait for that situation to be over til i was with my friends. If somebody approached me id obviously talk to them and whatever but rarely would i be the person initiating anything like that, was a bit of a idiot like that growing up lol. I’ve always been the person who wanted everyone to be happy, i was always oblivious to how other people like my friends had family or whatever issues growing up and the REAL impact it has on them, like divorced parents or they dont know their mum or dad or whatever that stuff, i knew people with depression and anxiety growing up and i was always open to talk to people about it, i LOVED being the friend to speak to if anybody was feeling like shit or wanted to vent, it made me feel really appreciated and id been given this trust to listen to what they have to say, like i might be able to make them feel better about what they had to say regardless of if i could properly help/change their circumstances and problems, but maybe put a smile on their face and make them laugh and let them know it’ll be ok without even being sure if it would, but i never would say that and 100% know it would be ok, but by saying that it might just give them some hope that things CAN be ok and they then believe it can change for the better. From the age of 16 i was super self conscious, i cared what people thought of me, not that im a super ugly guy or had anything dramatically wrong looks wise or how i was, but more so for me maybe like saying something and somebody over hearing it and me being like “oh fuck i should of said that” because it might sound bad or like having pimples (probably same as every teenager ever lol) or a bad hair day (literally) kinda thing. I cared how people portrayed me, i wanted everyone to know i was just average person who just wanted everybody to be happy, i made conscious decisions on what i said to who and where i said it, clothes i would wear depending on where i was going and who might see me, that stuff was like a necessity in my life, i wasn’t like ocd about that stuff because sometimes id be in situations where i know id be judged but still followed through, but something about me just fuckinggggg hated having somebody look at me a certain way and portray me differently to who i really am. I just re-read that and holy shit lol i sound like an idiot the way i’ve said what i’ve said, this is another thing about me maybe saying something and not accurately making it out to sound how i intend it to sound. Whatever rofl, now the real shit. I got diagnosed by a psych with anxiety when i was 18, this was the beginning of my mental downfall from then to this day. About 6-7 months of solid anxiety i could barely leave my house, was scared for no fucking reason, dont even know why, all i remember is my heart beating like crazy and feeling like i was going to pass out or whatever. This would happen mainly in social situations during and before even seeing others/doing things. I would work myself up to the point of crying, getting hives/being itchy everywhere on my body, nervously shaking and visually just looking terrified. I couldn’t drive properly because i’d get panic attacks and id feel like im about to pass out and i cant escape cos im trapped inside a car, traffic was the worst especially when i was alone, there was numerous times that i fucking cried in my car before and after id pull over to relax myself, how stupid is this shit? Why does this happen to people, how does this shit happen to ME, i dont even get why this all is even happening, im not an unhealthy person by any means so im not sick and didnt have symptoms of any illness, wtf is going on. How the fuck do i get over this, ended up seeing a psych because i had no idea wtf was wrong with me, bring in my diagnosis of having anxiety. While i was at home, i would hardcore grind out games on my computer, it made me feel normal and not like absolute shit, dont know why but at the time thats all that made me not feel like absolute shit and scared of being outside in the world. I took pills for this, tried to be active by exercising, playing sport and making an effort and forcing myself out of the house. At the start it was absolute torture, i didn’t ever think i’d get over this, it was that bad. I was on medication, couldn’t tell you what one because i just dont remember and never payed attention to medication names etc. Fast forward 6-7 months, i am actually feeling ok, i apply for jobs, go to job interviews with ease, im actually feeling really good like im making improvements in my life and progressing correctly by taking the next step, something i wouldn’t of thought of doing months earlier. I ended up getting a job and it was like a weight off my shoulders, i was excited, my parents were super happy with me for how far that i had come, i felt good as, potentially like im on track to success in living my life and being able to feel good again. As i got this job i was confident in going out and felt like i could properly just do shit, like i could be me again. This lasted about 15 months, i was ok to drive, i NEVER had a panic attack during this 15 months, i felt good af, when i drove i would even laugh at myself be like “why tf was i panicking? why was i such an idiot and getting worried over shit that cant and wont effect me and make me feel scared? why would i care about those things”, even in like social situations same thing, it was great. It all started to come back, slowly it like bloody crept its way back to being bad, but at this stage i was in denial, i was like na i can get over this i dont need to see anybody, but realistically i probably needed to. To this day i’ve never seen a psych about it, for the last 4-5 years ive almost just adapted to knowing im going to have panic attacks and feel like shit, iv learnt to cope and deal with it myself, the thought of me taking pills for this again scares me, why would i want to take pills to get better again when once i feel good, come off them, id get back into this state of mind and feel anxious again, and then repeat, why the fuck, seriously, why the fuck would i put myself into this potential scenario, i say potential because its a possibility, but thats not a risk im willing to take, people get addicted to this shit, ultimately what im trying to say is i dont want to be that person that gets reliant on taking pills to just having a functioning mind that doesnt make me feel scared and afraid, why cant i just shake this off? is there something im not doing? wtf is the cure to this shit? i know its not the pills because i dont want to become reliant on medications to make me happy. Im pretty convinced im depressed too, iv had serious thoughts about suicide, but i dont think im somebody who could actually commit to it, and if i was, i would probably make the decision to speak to somebody, but im stuck in a mindset where im not going to die from it, but i feel like shit all the time, i dont want meds, i dont know how to fix where im at pretty much, theres things that have happened to me the last couple years which have convinced me im a bad partner in a relationship, not for things i do but for what i unintentionally didnt do, im not a fulfilling boyfriend, ive either never obviously met the right girl for me or im just not fit to be a boyfriend, and thats what i think, how can somebody commit to me but im to stressed and worried about how my commitment to them might not be enough? the constant worry of not being a good boyfriend, when all i really want is for everything to be ok and happy, not that if things arent good or happy that thats a bad thing, i totally understand not everything is perfect and there are shit things that happen to people or in the world thats always going to happen, but i feel like, mainly with my last ex girlfriend, i felt like i was in a competition half the time to compete and get reassurance i was being a good boyfriend because i didnt know anything else, i was locked into this relationship i felt i couldnt escape, i so badly wanted out but was sucked into the mindset that if i left id have nothing and couldnt be with anybody because shes the only one who would be with me cos she already is, how the fuck do i overcome this, how do i get out? Its been a year since she ended up breaking up with me and pretty much for those reasons, i wasn’t up to par with her standards, i wasnt her dream boyfriend, for somebody who accepted my past issues with anxiety and letting her in on all my personal shit, if somebody who i thought cared for me leaves me, how could i ever convince or even get another girl to be with me knowing i have this weight and baggage of being a potential let down and not being able to be the person she needs me to be?  Writing all this i thought id feel better but i kinda still feel like shit. I weighed up deleting this, i had it all highlighted ready to backspace and alt f4 this but fuck it i might regret not posting this, i guess thats why im here anyway. If you read all this sorry for the random bullshit, i re-read it and i sidetracked myself hard from what i was originally going to say but im kinda tired and was literally just typing anything that came to my mind andddd yeeeeaaaahhh.. peace

[siredtofictionalmen]

Insecurity 1: Being Overweight

Disclaimer: Everyone has gone through different experiences and this is my expierence. This falls into my number one insecurity and I need to let it out.

Warnings: fat shaming

Growing up I was thin, I ate whatever I wanted; chips, soda, junk food, fast food and never gain weight. Until I entered middle school I hit puberty and thats when I began to gain weight. Middle school was when I began to be more weight conscious. It was when I learn what the doctor would measure on the scale. How junk food made you gain weight. Learn how to starve myself and went through emotional suffering for something so insignificant; my weight.

For the years to come, I believe the numbers on a scale determine my worth and that I wasn’t “good enough, beautiful enough” because of the number on the scales, the shape of my body.

I wasn’t obese but I wasn’t model skinny nor was I thin. I was chubby. I had stomach rolls and I could never get rid of them. Wherever I was, I felt utter shame. I dont remeber a day in middle school were I felt confident, not even one. Sadly my family was there everyday to remind that I wasn’t thin, and that if I ever wanted to be I wouldn’t achieve it by eating like that, as my grandma would love to point out.

It all starts one day it was the first month of school. I had gotten my period for the fourth time and I remeber coming back from school. My grandma had gotten us McDonald’s to eat and I remeber there being chicken sandwhiches. The joy on my face when I saw McDonald’s soon would be let down by my grandma who passed me a salad. I frowned confused, I look at her and she told me it was for me. I told her its not what I like and she said I know but it’s healthy you need to change your habits the pounds you are putting on your getting fat. I quietly ate my salad quickly and went to the restroom. My grandma lived in a studio so the only room for privacy was the bathroom. I look at myself, pinch my chubby stomach and cried. Tears flowed down my cheek and I remeber tasting them when they came to lips how they tasted much better than the salad I just ate. Ashamed of my fatness I just sat on the toilet. I was 11 at the time and when my mom came home to pick me up my grandma made some more comments about my weight to my mother. I love my grandma and I know she did it because she cared for me but the way she made me feel that day and the rest of the years to come could have been avoided. I never enjoyed my middle school life because of my “guilt” of being fat.

The middle school I went to was so much worse. It was by a rich area and all the girls there were already wearing crop tops and short shorts. Like COME ON YOUR 12!!! Like how can the parents let them dress like that. Anyway I remeber most of the girls being skinny. I remember envying them and thier looks. I beat myself up everyday because I didn’t have the ideal body, skinny. I felt ugly because of it and I was depressed and because of it I never enjoyed my middle school.

The people who fat shamed me the most was my family. I have mentioned my grandma but lets talk about my mother. I love my mom and I know she loves me but I think some comments could have been avoided. I remeber once I was in 8th grade I was with my mother and she was talking to my aunt and my girl cousin about losing weight and then she said oh yes she needs to lose weight too, look at her hippo legs. She began to laugh, i chuckled looking at my legs so did my aunt and my cousin awkwardly laughed. I remeber that night I went to bed and I couldn’t stop staring at my legs I would squeeze them and the thought about cutting some of my flesh with a knife occured to me. I knew that wouldn’t help and I remeber thinking whats wrong with me. Who have I become. I never felt happy anymore I always wanted to be alone. I never wanted anybody to see me. I was ashamed, embarrassed of my chubbiness. My mom would take me to a restaurant and she would see an omd guy friend. I remeber him saying wow she getting taller. My mom would laugh and say yes she getting bigger and from the sides also. I would smile I hated that so much like she fat shames me enogh I dont need other peoples opinions on my weight. He never commented on it though and he was respectful when it came to me.

I started starving myself after new years. I was in the second semester of the 8th grade. I starved myself for two weeks and you could see change. I was becoming thinner, I was getting closer to what I always wanted to be skinny and beautiful. I remeber my grandma congratulated me but on the third week I couldn’t keep it up I began to eat much more than before and before I knew it I had gained weight and probably more than I was before. My grandma said it was such a shame. I remeber her frowning and nodding her head.

Highschool was so much better. I couldn’t believe it people were nice and it wasn’t like mean girls. Majority of girls at my school were chubby, thicc, overweight. I saw some thin but I felt like I fit in. I began to feel confident, comfortable in my own skin. My best friend was thin and I remeber her complaining because some girl called her skinny. I remebering wishing that’s something I could complain about and instantly I becam insecure again. I shrugged it off the next day. I felt ridiculous.

My best friend could eat whatever she wants and she couldn’t gain weight. I was jealous, envious I wish for her metabolism. I remeber telling her as a compliment that her fingers were long and she must of took it as offensive because the next thing she said was look at yours there fat. I remeber telling her that I meant it as a compliment and that I wish I had skinny fingers like her. She said my fingers were cute that they were tiny and that guys like tiny fingers.

I remeber my friend would call herself flat and I would always tell her shut up she has good body proportions. I told her she may not have big boobs but she has decent ones. I remeber telling her that at least her stomach wasn’t bigger than her boobs. At least she didn’t look deformed like me. She told me I wasn’t deformed and that I had a big ass. I would smile pretending that I was comforted when in fact I felt sick because I also had a big stomach.

My confidence really went up in highschool during freshman year when guys were lining up for me. FOR MEEE!!! I was surprise my mom once told me only fat ugly guys would be attracted to me if I continued at the weight I was. I was fed up and told her so what fat guys arent always ugly and they might actually have manners. Just because someones fat doesn’t mean they are ugly. At least I wouldn’t attract abusive alcoholics. I told her that and then I felt really bad. My dad was an alcoholic and so was her new boyfriend. It didn’t stop her from fat shaming me. I remeber she told me I can’t see move your fat ass legs. I cried that night. I remeber three different guys asked me to homecoming and they were fine as hell. I was surprise they liked me and even if a guy wasn’t that attractive and ask me out I still would have given him a chance being an expert with feeling ugly.

My friend constantly nagged about how no one had asked her to homecoming and how three guys already asked me. She called herself fat a couple of times saying she wasn’t pretty enough because she had been getting fat. I reminded her that she was beautiful and that she wasn’t fat and even if she was she would still be beautiful. She continued to call herself fat. During 6th peiriod she called herself fat a couple of times when let me remind you she was model thinnnnn. Skinny af!! I didn’t say anything because I felt like she could complain. I remeber a guy who sat in front of her and next to me would taalk to us. She went up to him and said I feel fat. He said you aren’t fat and hugged her. After she stop complaining. This just reminds me how most girls define thier worth from guys when we shouldn’t. Guys shouldn’t build our confidence but we should ourselves. I remeber making a vow whether I had guys lining up for me or not I would never let myslef down.

Now I barely finished my tenth grade and Im still overweight. Now that I dont let my mothers comments get to me and feel more confident I have more energy. I started exercising and still struggling with my eating habbits. What I learned and continue learning is that your weight does not define your worth. And fat shaming does not work. I read stuff online about how fat shaming motivates people to lose weight. As someone who has been fat shamed it just makes people hate themselves more and in my case I felt depressed. Depression only gave me less energy and no motivation whatsoever. Fat shaming is not the answer. First accept your body for what it is then if you want to make minor changes go for. Lose weight gain weigh whatever makes you happy but never let yourself down in order to achieve it. Remember weight does not equal worth or beauty. Your beautiful whatever shape you are. This is my experience and it still continues today. Also anyone can feel worthless even skinny ppl. If ur skinny friend cals herself fat remind her that she is not and that fat does not equal beauty. Never respond with look at me Im a cow. Never put yourself down to make someone else feel better and never put someone else down to mane ur self feel better.

[thefloatingstone]

A weeked at a hotel is quiet and alone.

A long walk or a going to a movie that starts after dark helps.

A four hour or longer bath where you sit in the water helps. Even if it doesnt helps it helps. And you smell good at the end of it which is nice even when you lack appreciation for nice things currently.

Do new things - feeling trapped or in a rut or the need to escape can be alleviated by feeling like youre making some sort of progress or have control over something in your life.

Sleeping more doesn’t help. Sleeping less doesnt help. Both are enough of a change/ strain on your body that they make you think they are but really they just increase problems and make the days pass quicker or slower.

Make goals. Meet goals. Cant get to goals make smaller goals to get there.

Focus on the things you can do and help and control and if you can’t do anything about it aknowledge it and let it go.

Hydrate. Youre not doing it enough, no one is.

Eat regularly, just like you should sleep regularly and for 9 hours - your body and therefore your mind functions better on a schedual.

It may not help but i can garrentee you not doing these things makes it harder than it needs to be.

Can also play games or read or watch shows until it passes, if it passes but thats just a… Temporary solution not an actual fix action.

But sometimes you don’t need a fix action you need a distraction to be immersed in and thats okay.

Get someone to talk to. Professionally.

Friends and family can help but we’re all not really great at healthy coping - and we know what works for us or what we’ve learned but we can’t always give you personalized tips that will help YOU get through your dips.

Clean/ reorganize your room - this just makes you feels self satisfied if youre lucky and if you arent well theres a little less mess and your mind feels less cluttered if you make even a little progress. Your environment can add to the strain.

Open a window idk why fresh air helps.

Candle with a scent you like - light it. Pet fire keeps you company.

Bake. Idk why but it helps, doesnt matter what youre making but if it makes a mess for you to clean up while you wait for it to be done its a win.

Plus baked goods are nice to have and eat or give away which makes you happy… Especially since half the time you dont feel the need to eat whatever youve baked.

Blast music. Loudly. Especially dark depressing shit or especially lively rebelling shit.

Or just play classical piano in the background because it helps…. Filter. Which is nice.

It gets better. Even if it turns out to be something youll struggle with it gets better because youll learn to manage it and it can’t take away the good even if it tells you it can.

Youve survived every horrible thing thats happened to you. Youll get through this too keep that in mind.

Also watch what youre telling yourself. Something as simple as telling yourself not “i can’t deal with this -emotional pain/situation - ” but “i dont want to deal with this” can in time make it easier to get past it because youre not bogged down in trying to… Reject how you feel.

Youre allowed to feel this way. Like. You may not want to but. You do so youve got to accept it on some level in order to beable to get past rejecting reality and figure out how best to approach it.

Emotions arent unreasonable. Like. Logically you’ll say they are but youre not depressed or whatever for no reason. Either theres something effecting you or your brain chemistry is off either way there is no “i shouldnt feel this way”

So like. Really dont talk down to yourself. Or if you do at least try to tack on something like “alright try again” or idk something positive or at least foward thinking.

And remeber you’re not alone.

Reach out. Message people. Sit on silent calls and share dead air with others. You may ache like a raw nerve or feel left out or ignored or a hundred other things but just. Attempting to be apart of your friends life or just hearing another person can do a world of difference. If not… In the moment than later it def gives you something to build on.

And youre not… A bother. Youre not… Responsible for making decisions about other peoples emotional wellbeing. Theyve got to tell you ‘hey i dont/ cant talk about this right now lets just bs about whatever instead". You need help or a distraction or anything ask the people you care about.

Youre not alone and isolating… Usually makes things worse.

Like alone time can help but isolatings a different ballgame entirely and youll know which youre doing.

Hell just posting on here and asking for tips is great and Im proud of you.

Sorry if that or any of this sounds condescending - im just. Summarizing shit ive learned and tried and had to talk myself into because i really thought my mental health was bullshit and i shouldnt need help with basic things.

But people do. Like. We’re not made to fuction the way we do and we’re not taught a lot of really simple things and how they effect us or the difference between coping healthly and not.

… Fuctioning can only get you so far so long, you’ve got to actually take care of yourself you know? I mean dont beat yourself up because taking care of yourself doesn’t line up with what you think that should mean is all.

Sorry to bug and do hope you get to feeling better soon.

This is an incredibly in-depth and helpful message. Thank you so very very much for taking the time to write it out for me. I’m posting this to prevent it from getting buried

Also, again, I want to thank everyone for sending me responses and messages about this. I’m sorry I’m not replying to all of them individually, but I am reading all of them <3 a lot of you are saying the same things like taking a walk or doing some light exercise, drinking water (I haven’t been doing that enough today) and things like that. As I said, I can’t do exercise tonight since it’s late, but I’ll try and take a walk tomorrow if the weather is good. And I’ll try and get some water in me.

I’m afraid talking to someone professional isn’t really possible right now, but hearing I can just go once makes me feel a little better. I’ve never realised I don’t have to try and afford an ongoing therapy thing. I can’t do it right now, but I’ll see if I can figure something out at some point in a few months if I can.

But thank you again for your help, guys. And although I feel bad for asking... but I’d really appreciate if you guys could continue to give it. Not because I want instant gratification or anything, but just because I don’t have much support elsewhere, and I want to get past this.

and thank you for being patient with me. I’m trying, I really am.

[flatstarcarcosa]

extremely detailed character meme (Van, ships: right on target and far from any road)

found this on my dash and i thought i’d fill it in! under a cut b/c it is REALLY detailed! some of the questions don’t apply for me, and i tried to make it easy to tell which ship i’m referring too b/c some things are different here and there 

Character Chart Character’s full name: Van (pronounced vaughn, rhymes with fawn) Miller Reason or meaning of name: None  Character’s nickname: None, aside from petnames Reason for nickname: None Birth date: for ship: right on target: 10/03/1990 for ship: far from any road: 10/03/1970  Physical appearance Age: ship: right on target: 29\ ship: far from any road: 24 in 95, 30 in 02, 40 in 2012 How old do they appear: Perpetually babyfaced. So about 15 or so until they hit their mid 30′s Weight: honestly i don’t know Height: 5′2 (look what’s the point of a self insert if i can’t achieve my dream of being at least five foot tall all right) Body build: stronk.  Shape of face: square ish?  Eye color: grey Glasses or contacts: glasses, doesn’t like them unless they’re sunglasses though, prefers to squint and look like a hamster  Skin tone: pale/sickly at times, tan if they’ve been in the sun, but still very white  Distinguishing marks: pointy canines  Predominant features: nothing really sticks out, van’s physical features are pretty normal Hair color: naturally a muted blonde. prone to dying it a bright yellow in 95 and 02 for ship: far from any road. dyed black for ship: right on target Type of hair: straight Hairstyle: fluffy, over hair sprayed mullet ponytail thing for ‘95, ‘02 has a less hair band style looking thing but still pretty punky, ‘12 Van has what i call the ‘business undercut’ (far from any road). also just a normal, kind of spiky undercut for (right on target) Voice: i dont know how to answer this?  Overall attractiveness: this is just a bad question  Physical disabilities: I’m gonna break this one down because one thing i love about my self inserts is modifying my own, actual disabilities a bit so: far from any road: van has kidney and bladder problems that get progressively worse as time goes on, and undiagnosed celiac disease. because of a severe motorcycle accident in ‘89 they also have a weak/bum leg that is prone at times to flaring up with pain and instability with no warning. after a second motorcycle accident in ‘95, these things get a lot worse. by the time ‘12 rolls around van resigns themself to having traded in their bike years earlier for an actual car and using a cane. they’re not happy about it.  right on target: same kidney/bladder/digestive issues. bum leg is a side effect of general chronic pain caused by it. their leg has a habit of still going out at random, and despite needing a cane sometimes they refuse to use it. lester always keep an eye out in case their leg is about to collapse under them. he’s grabbed them many times to keep them from hitting the ground.  Usual fashion of dress: dark, leather, jeans, punky looking things.  Favorite outfit: leather jacket, motorcycle boots even if they’re not riding, jeans.  Jewelry or accessories: big clunky silver rings. right on target!van has a solid black metal band on their left thumb that matches one lester has.

Personality Good personality traits: tries to be kind, tries to make things better for others at the expense of themself, funny, loves animals,  Bad personality traits: addiction problems, quick temper, far from any road!van likes to hustle people at bars and get into bar fights but usually only if they’ve been provoked  Mood character is most often in: it cycles a lot, so  Sense of humor: good? this is a vague question  Character’s greatest joy in life: photography, making people laugh, alone time Character’s greatest fear: death, being in poverty again/being stuck in poverty,  Why? being poor is Not Fun What single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil? far from any road: something happening to rust. they don’t realize at it first but he’s become their grounding agent, and without him there to balance them out they would not fare well.  right on target: lester’s brief stint of being fucking dead and murdered on TV wasn’t a good time.  Character is most at ease when: it’s cold and rainy out and they have an excuse to stay in bed and snooze.  Most ill at ease when: surrounded by too many people and too many noises. Enraged when: hhhhhhhhhhhhh often? the worst they get is in ‘95 when marty makes a few jabs at their trauma and they beat him bloody before rust pulls them off him.  Depressed or sad when: also often, sometimes for no reason. thats kind of what clinical depression is. Priorities: money. taking care of themself with it in order to be able to help others. Life philosophy: sometimes you don’t have to be great, you can just be okay.  If granted one wish, it would be: ability to change gender/sex characteristics at will. Why? it’s the transgenderism (i use that word satirically and as a joke, for those that don’t know that’s a te]]]rf dogwhistle in other situations, a lot of trans people have taken it back)  Character’s soft spot: their pets and the fact that being a raging asshole is a front they have to actively work at. Is this soft spot obvious to others? depends on the person. to rust? yes. to lester? not as much.  Greatest strength: refusal to give up. Greatest vulnerability or weakness: raging asshole disease and the addiction issues. Biggest regret: developing addiction issues.   Minor regret: it also cycles like their moods. Biggest accomplishment: far from any road: got a bachelor’s degree in sociology before deciding to get into journalism.  right on target: ??? van doesn’t feel accomplished. lester is trying to encourage them at going to college but he’s not very good at it.  Minor accomplishment: “not fucking dead yet, assholes”  Past failures he/she would be embarrassed to have people know about: far from any road: van was never able to find out who it was in the south texas area that was targeting members of the LGBT community, that’s the whole reason they ended up with the crusaders and met rust, they had reason to believe it was someone connected to the gang. despite help from rust, the investigation went nowhere and all they have is a half finished expose.  right on target: they didn’t try to leave an abusive situation sooner. Why? see above Character’s darkest secret: i? don’t know??   Does anyone else know? N/A Goals Drives and motivations: just live the best they can Immediate goals: not die Long term goals: not die, perhaps be less of an alcoholic  How the character plans to accomplish these goals: slowly?  How other characters will be affected: they help.  Past Hometown: --- Type of childhood: traumatic Pets: dogs, frogs, turtles, hamsters First memory: ---- Most important childhood memory: ----  Why:  ------ Childhood hero:------ Dream job: ------ Education: bachelor’s degree for far from any road, GED for right on target Religion: atheistic but understanding and accepting of others Finances: far from any road: not fucking superb, hence the side hustles. right on target: poor  Present Current location: far from any road: Louisiana, i don’t remember TD ever stating where at aside from in the sticks right on target: NYC  Currently living with: rust or lester  Pets: far from any road is various pets at various times, right on target is initially just the doggo. Religion: still the same  Occupation: hustler slash freelance journalist for far from any road, unemployed for right on target Finances: better by 2012 (far from any road) thanks to a boring but stable office job, and for right on target they have lester’s money now and even lester doesn’t know how much he has aside from “a lot”. Family Mother: ------- Relationship with her: nonexistent    Father: Bastard Sr. Relationship with him: nonexistent.  Siblings: sister, older Relationship with them: non existent Spouse: rust/lester Relationship with him/her: i mean in both settings it’s a long term (rust right at around 20 years if you count their time in the crusaders initially, lester about 7 years) so, good if complicated at times Children:  no Relationship with them: none Other important family members: none  Favorites Color: purple, green, black Least favorite color: red Music: prog rock Food: pizza, waffles, hash browns, cereal  Literature: lots! really, its across all genres Form of entertainment: viddy gaems Expressions: what?  Mode of transportation: motorcycle or car  Most prized possession: also motorcycle or car Habits Hobbies: viddy gaemz, photography, sketch comedy  Plays a musical instrument? nah Plays a sport? is pool a sport?  How he/she would spend a rainy day: cozy in bed, s***ing some d***  Spending habits: they are fucking cheap as fuck whether they have money or not Smokes: yes, they say they’re planning to quit but [thor voice] is he though  Drinks: yes, it’s the alcoholism  Other drugs: pills mostly. to be fair they do HAVE to have a lot of meds because of chronic illness but they do love them some benzos  What does he/she do too much of? drinks, sleeps, smokes What does he/she do too little of? healthy food, exercise  Extremely skilled at: hustling. that works in both setting because with rust they learned it themself, with lester he taught them. also, writing.  Extremely unskilled at: art, socialising with people  Nervous tics: knuckle cracking,  Usual body posture: crosses arms a lot  Mannerisms: ???? Peculiarities: ????? Traits Optimist or pessimist? pessimist  Introvert or extrovert? introvert  Daredevil or cautious? cautious  Logical or emotional? both actually, it’s not fun Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat? disorderly and messy, clashes with rust’s methodical and neat Prefers working or relaxing? relaxing  Confident or unsure of himself/herself? switches rapidly between both  Animal lover? yes Self-perception How he/she feels about himself/herself: bad.  One word the character would use to describe self: asshole  One paragraph description of how the character would describe self: no good alcoholic junkie with a shitty temper, a shittier outlook and few skills or worth to bring to the table except a raging selfish streak What does the character consider his/her best personality trait? sense of humor  What does the character consider his/her worst personality trait? temper  What does the character consider his/her best physical characteristic? thicc What does the character consider his/her worst physical characteristic? crippled How does the character think others perceive him/her: badly,  What would the character most like to change about himself/herself: alcoholism  Relationships with others Opinion of other people in general: they try to be cordial, unless they’re in traffic, in which case it’s fuck you and your fucking mother you stupid fucking motherfucker  Does the character hide his/her true opinions and emotions from others? yes Person character most hates: [redacted]  Best friend(s): @dadbodsandbots is p much hanging out somewhere in every setting  Love interest(s): rust and lester  Person character goes to for advice: they don’t, that requires enough vulnerability to admit there’s a problem Person character feels responsible for or takes care of: also rust and lester Person character feels shy or awkward around: van is very uncomfortable around marty most of the time, he reminds them of their father. it smooths out as time goes on, but still. also when lester was stuck with the DA, they didn’t like daken at first  Person character openly admires: ehh? Person character secretly admires: ehh?  Most important person in character’s life before story starts: ehh?  After story starts: ehh? 

found here

[frostskader]

BDRP Resolutions 2019

So I still have mine from the last year so I thought I’d do a comparison as well.

Write your RPer Resolutions for 2019! (What are some goals for yourself as a writer? Improve descriptions? Plot with more members? Etc.)

2018:

I really want to try getting more involved with events and the discord part of it. I always tend to shy away from it because of how fast it moves and how overwhelming it feels to get something started but I wanna try. I also want to try being more descriptive in my writing a lot of the time I just can’t wait to reply so I reply quickly I want to savor the replies make them worth reading.

 2019:

Well I can at least say my goal last year was accomplished. I think I did pretty well trying to get involved in the discord threads which was a lot of fun.

I still think I want to improve on my descriptions I've been able to beat the gotta rush to reply but still taking that moment to add in the little details.

My new resolution for the year is focusing on my characters plots. Little things happened throughout the year to mine but I want to tackle some big plots for them and stick to them.

Write at least one resolution, or “goal,” that you have as an RPer for your character(s)

Peri:

2018

I think I wanna play out more of her depression and how that effects her and maybe get her into therapy. Def want someone one day to realize it and maybe just suggest it to her.

2019

Well I got to play it out a bit and get her into therapy so that was great. She still has a lot to go especially considering having both pixies and sunburst. So a goal for her this year is getting her to realize she doesn't need to rely on things and people as crutches. Moana:

2018

I want her to stop being so wishy washy. I think it’s the main reason she’s yet to really dig into something. She just doesn’t know what she wants.

Ha. Moana still is super wishy washy. This year she got to go back home so that was really good for her. I'm going to try getting her involved with the board whether she chooses to run or not this year or I've got to really figure out where she wants to go.

Anyone wanna go travelling with this girl? Expand horizons and shit. Panic:

2018

I want people to know whether it’s him or Percy. Give them both some Plots. Get to a point both of them have friends and don’t care.

2019

So I kind of accomplished this. Panic and Percy both have different people they interact with but I'd love to have more of either or especially as they go further into looking demon magic and what not.

So I guess that continues to be the goal for them. Make some friends. Get into some trouble. Maybe even figure out if he wants to stay a line cook.

Ollie:

2018

I want him to expand from the gang. They are his back bone and he needs to learn to fight and how strong he really is./ find out who his fam is cause he’s almost 18.

2019

Well he got into a fight...didn't really win but he's learning how to legit fight now and met his family. Got a couple friends… kinda… his gf doesn't really count.

So this year my focus will be on letting him forgive and move on. Holding onto the anger isn't really helping him and while he doesn't have to forgive he can move on. Gotta let him enjoy being a kid too. Make some more stupid decisions.

Marzel

I want him to make friends, I want him to have both mundus and magick friends. I want him to protect people and love people

Sarina

I want her to get into some trouble. Make a name for herself and make a legacy.

Melody

She’s doing well for friends, I want her to get very comforable around someone. Get a best friend, someone she can run to.

Lena

I want her to figure out her school shit. A lot like Ollie last year she doesn’t know what she wants. I also have a bigger goal but thats a secret.

O’Malley

I def want to approach the parent side of him, have him deal with the fact he’s a dad and there’s responsibility on that.

Write at least one resolution IN CHARACTER for your characters. What do THEY want to accomplish or change in the New Year?

Peri:

2018

I’m going to make at least two new friends. People I’m not scared of bothering. Someone I can go to when I feel sad and I’m having trouble. Maybe not say why but I want to have friends.

 2019

I did make two friends! One left but I ended up getting a roommate plus an awesome kitten named Nova. And there's a really cool wolf in Enchantra that might be my friend. This year my main goal is to keep Pixies running and up to the standards my sister had if not improving if I can.

Moana

2018

I want to try and go back to Hana and visit my family. Show them I’m fine and I can handle myself and stand up for the fact I’m going to stay with my Nana.

2019

So I visited, kind of on my own accord kind of because Maui and Nana wanted to go back and what better way than just to jump in.

I'm going to take another year though and take another minor. Might be a lot but I want to get a well-rounded view.

Panic

2018

 I want to get stronger with my shapeshifting. If I need to fight I don’t need to leave Percy with a weak human body he’ll fucking kill us both.

2019

Well, my shapeshifting is a lot better compared to when that bitch shot at us. Not perfect but I can hold a shift longer then just half an hour. I'm going to get more powerful that I can keep a form as long as needed.

I'm also going to get over Tina. I can't keep going back to someone that doesn't want what I am.

Ollie 2018

I want to buy something anything that’s solely mine that no one can take away and just from my arcade gig. I just want to somewhat take care of myself.

2019

Well, I have my own stuff now bought with either the money from my job or the trust fund. Though maybe that last one shouldn't count.

I think I want to try living on my own for a little if not fully.

Marzel

I want to go home by the end of the year. Preferably before summer.

Sarina

I'm going to cash in one of merlin objects by the end of the year.

Melody

I want to help create and run a fundraiser through InterPride this year.

Lena

Resolutions aren't my thing but sure I'll figure out what I'm doing for school or something.

List one or more characters you have never interacted with that you would like to do so

Bambi! And I’ll have interacted with all of MK’s Characters. (I wrote this prior to Kala so Kala too)

Any of Andy’s I don’t think I’ve had a thread with her?? Have we??

Bianca! Hit me up with RAS stuff and Sarina being a case file

Gregory - off text

Simon! How haven’t I met all of Sam’s charries

Plotting Exercise! Pick one of the resolutions/goals in #2 and plan a rough guideline to how you could accomplish it.

SARINA

1. Find someone to get more information on Merlin’s Objects ???

2. Need people for research MIKE, VARIAN, 

3. Pull off a job(failure or success) DES, Any others

4. End up with Merlin’s object with consequences or not SELF PARA