#if you don’t care about public health you’re just not a good person

[8thavenueserenade]

nothing sucks more in the world than saying to someone “i love you and care about you and want you to be safe” and they essentially tell you to fuck off

[jeongharine]

syntax ERROR: the right formula

⚝ wonwoo x reader

⚝ comedy, smut

⚝ notes: you and wonwoo decide to take the thing between you on level two. but no one has to know about it. you would rather die than to have someone figure out about your sexual escapades with the local nerdy fuckboy. it is an ego thing. (part i)

(thanks to everyone who read and liked part one, i’ve never received such an amount of likes for something that i posted <3 i hope you will like this part as well, it is a bit longer but i had a little fun in writing some teasing ooof enjoy it, have a good early summer period and stay safe x)

“can you actually believe that, y/n? he ghosted me for i don’t know three weeks, and then he had the nerve to ask for a tit pic,” nabi sighs, taking a sip from her blue-ish drink.

“you know what? i’m so done with men. all of them. we really ar- are you even listening to me?” 

you are caught off guard by the clicking of her fingers in front of your eyes. truth is, you are only half present, the other half of you is scanning the whole floor, trying to see if there’s a certain someone amongst the agglomeration of bodies. 

“yeah, sure, sorry,” you apologize, leaning your side against the wall. “i was somewhere else for a second. you were saying that he ghosted you?”

“i’m never talking to him again. or any man.” “hm,” you hum, crossing your arms. you actaully don’t know who she is trying to convince at this point, because that must’ve been the fifth time you heard your friend giving you that speech (during that semester alone). 

“really, i don’t know why those guys haven’t been thrown out of the campus yet. they’re a hazard, including your brother from what i’ve heard. sorry. but yeah, they’re a threat to public health,”

you shrug, because honestly you don’t care that much about their business. and that is important to keep it low.

“could be worse, though, i could be one of the poor girls getting fucked by one of them in their spare time,” 

oh. 

you giggle, a little nervous. “yeah, yeah,” you agree, looking back at the mass of students. “yeah, that’d be totally awful.” 

“i couldn’t even count on my fingers the amount of girls that had one night stands with one of them, and somehow proceeded in becoming completely whipped and infatuated, only to be told that they don’t ‘fuck the same person twice’. like… what the fuck is that? who do they think they are? sorry that your brother is involved in this discourse, but he’s kind of a prick,”  

you laugh, noticing the tinge of red that covers her cheeks. “you sound really drunk,” 

“i’m not bullshitting you. they’re pricks and that’s on period,” 

she raises her cup in a silent cheer, and took another sip. “i know you’re not involved in the fuckboy thing that plagues this campus and, honestly, you’re better off that way. but trust me when i say that they aren’t worth the headache,” 

with an inattentive nod, you take another peek at the strangers filling the space near you. “i believe you, don’t worry. i know my thing or two,” 

the worst part? you do. 

and the even worse bit? there are two things wrong with what she has just told you. 

number one: yes, they could be kind of jerks sometimes. but they aren’t completely soulless, at least some of them. they are fun to be around, actually, when picked alone and not in group, or when they are not trying to impress someone into sleeping with them.

number two: they fuck the same person twice, if feeling like it. at least wonwoo. and you know that because you’ve been fucking him on and off for the past five months or so. 

when you first met him, you weren’t exactly after a “secret friends with benefits” relationship. you just needed a math tutor. but long story short, you didn’t expect to fall victim to his charms, melting under his tender kisses, moaning his name as he rolled his hips against you, edging your orgasm for longer than you can hold it. and you surely didn’t expect to like it as much as you do. 

truth is: jeon wonwoo is everything, but he isn’t dumb. he knows that he is attractive and smart as hell - he knows that with his voice so silky and deep just saying the right words is enough to have you in bed with him, and he knows how to use the two things very well. 

apart from also corrupting you in games hours.

also, you are human, alright? and there is something extremely tempting about sleeping with your brother best friend, especially when he keeps coming back to you. it’s only nature to want to feel special every once in a while. 

again: it is an ego thing. 

plus no one ever caught you. not nabi or any of your other friends. as far as you are aware, wonwoo’s group doesn’t know a thing either, which makes you appreciate him even more because you don’t know how hoshi could take this.  

so yeah, he isn’t a total douchebag. he has the most basic sense of loyalty. 

x

with a sigh, you push your body away from the wall, fumbling with your purse. you are praying that- oh there he fucking is. 

the moment that you see wonwoo, sitting on the couch across from you, you forget how to breathe for a moment. 

he looks better than you had anticipated: dressed in all black, with his thighs spread across the seat, ready to be fucked right then and there. his dark long hair is parted in the middle, with a few stubborn strands falling over his angelic features, as his gaze navigates around the room, staring at nothing in particular.

next to him, there is another one of his friends, seokmin, talking about something animatedly but wonwoo is paying no attention. 

his expression is one of irritation, you notice, with his thick eyebrows furrowed, jaw clenching. but when his gaze falls on you, however, wonwoo’s perceived annoyance instantly dissipates. 

you watch as his eyes meet your own, then he trails down your body with desire, stopping around the level of your thighs for a bit longer than you have predicted. 

you know that stare awfully well: it is the same one that he gives you when he sees you around campus, or in the pc-bang when you’re winning or when you actually understand the concepts that he’s teaching you. the silent provocation that tells you, and only you, that he really wants to have some alone time right now. 

a tricky smirk sprouts at the corner of his lips, and he leans back against the couch. you follow his movements as he reaches towards his pocket and extracts his phone, staring at you as he does so. he unlocks it, taking a final glance at your expectant features before he starts to type something.

[00:23] wonu: so glad to see that you came  

[00:23] wonu: will you do me a favour and meet me in the bathroom upstairs? second door to the right ;) 

and what can you do when he’s asking it like this? you take the stairs and you wonder, as you open your way through the crowd of sweaty bodies and spilling drinks, if you aren’t trying too hard to rationalize and catastrophize something that is actually very simple. 

a story with a beginning, a middle part, and a satisfying ending: you two want to fuck each other, you do, then you move right forward. no hidden feelings, no strings attached. that’s it. couldn’t get any better than that. 

but maybe, it isn’t everything about that, and you know it. it is also about overhearing the other girls talking as you make your way upstairs, complaining about how ridiculously hot and pretty he is. it is about having that steamy, trembling secret between the two of you. it is about knowing that yeah, wonwoo is crazy hot and smart and funny and you can have that whenever you want.

x

just like the calm before the storm, there is a moment of quietness and stillness between the instant of when you lock the door, and the one when you see him. 

as you turn around, dwelling in his proximity, you think about a million things at the same time: about teasing him for his location choice, or maybe about how he must’ve been going through a drought, if he has to count on his covert booty call to get laid at a party. 

before you can say anything, wonwoo’s lips are on yours, attacking your mouth in a fervorous kiss. you whimper in surprise as he pushes you against the closed bathroom door, his hands circling your waist as he squeezes your body against his. your purse falls on the ground with a muffled sound, but you barely even notice it. 

it is something else, really. tonight, he’s kissing you as if he physically can’t contain himself long enough to do anything else - as if all that he can think of doing is to feel the heavenly contact of your mouth against his, while your fingers pull strands of his hair.

as he invites his tongue inside your mouth, wonwoo groanes and lowers his hands, squeezing your ass like he is about to lose every last ounce of sanity he has left in him. you sigh as he moves his focus onto your neck, placing open-mouthed kisses. 

“someone’s excited,” you comment, slightly breathless. the only response you get is another groan, and the rolling of his hips against your inner thigh where you can feel his dick, already semi-hard, pressing. 

“couldn’t even bother to take me somewhere else,” 

“i just needed to have you now. have you seen how hot you are?” his voice comes out muffled against your skin, the reverberations of his timbre propagating directly towards your core. 

“i see you’re starting to get more adventurous with this,” you bite down on your lower lip and he sucks your flesh, groping your ass once again. “parties and nights out used to be so off limits to you.” 

wonwoo chuckles against your neck, moving back towards your mouth. he starts making out with you again, his breath hot and heavy against your face, and you start to think how you could very well pass out seen the level of craving building inside of you. 

“i changed my mind.” he speaks as he leans back. 

you smirk at his attitude. “we’ll end up getting caught,” 

“aw, baby,” he pouts, looking at you with artificial pity. “are you afraid your brother is going to find out?”

okay, he can be kind of a prick sometimes. 

“so i can leave, then?” you raise one eyebrow, fingers playing with the hair at the back of his neck. 

“you can, the door is right behind you. you know i’m not one to insist,” wonwoo tells you, quickly losing interest in this part of the conversation. “but something tells me you won’t.” 

you don’t even try to respond, because there is nothing to be said: both of you know what you are doing there, and the idea of walking out is just too ridiculous to consider. 

with a suspire, you watch as wonwoo moves his lips down your chest, stopping at the fabric of your blouse. 

“what if someone hears us?” you suddenly remember, heartbeat quickening at the thought. 

“what is it?” he asks as his fingers work on your buttons, exposing more of your chest. the slow pace of his is going to kill you one of these days. 

“you’re worried that people are going to find out about this? about us? when you’re always begging to be fucked in the room next to your brother’s one or when there’s someone at my dorm?” 

you open your mouth to respond but his chuckle, so deep and melodious, catches you off guard. 

“how scandalous, right? you are not the pure little thing you make yourself to be,” wonwoo continues, finally opening your blouse and fully exposing your bra to him. he hums with delight. “red lace? you really want to tease me,” 

you swallow dry as he takes the blouse off your shoulders and gently places it beside the sink, above a towel. he can be so thoughtful and gentle. 

“wonu, i-“ “you’re such a little brat sometimes, you know that?” he interrupts, eyes following his own movements as his hands circle your body, moving to unclasp your bra. and of course he gets it right on the first try. 

“you came all the way up here just to get fucked, and now you’re worried that people are going to know about it,” you stare him down, a smirk already creeping up in the corner of your lips. 

“how does that make me a brat?” 

he smiles. “don’t try to to play the naive card on me,” another agile movement of his fingers and your bra joins your blouse besides the sink. 

wonwoo sighs deeply at your exposed breasts, trying to imprint that sight into the back of his mind. “pretending as if you don’t know exactly what you’re doing. you can drop the act now, y/n,” “i don’t-“ his mouth attacking you is all that you needed to shut up and let him do what he wants really.

overwhelmed by the sensation, you let out a gasp as his hand squeezes you, playing with you as he moans against your skin. 

“i love it so much,” he hums, moaning at the marvelous sensation of your warm skin against his tongue. you were almost forgetting how much wonwoo aches to play with your tits - not that you are complaining. 

“and i love that it’s all for me,” he breathes out before placing kisses again.

you whimper at the contact, arching your back in a failed attempt to get closer to him. as much as you know he is most likely to just say whatever he thinks would turn you on, wonwoo’s words expand inside your chest, building a heat that seems to suffocate you. even if you know it is bullshit, maybe not all of it, you like to be called his. ego strokes and all of that. 

“wonu…” there is only a thin wooden door separating you two from the outside world, and at the moment you can’t care less if they hear you calling out his name. the guy really does wonders to your anxiety. 

but he also likes to tease you. 

he moves away from your breasts and you almost, almost, cry out in frustration. but wonwoo starts to trace kisses back to your neck, then to your jawline. and you feel like you’re going crazy with all that back and forth.

“i’m not gonna lie, i understand where you’re coming from,” he says. “i like to keep this as a secret too. it’s so hot.” 

you almost forget how to inhale when he aligns his face with yours, placing a peck on your swollen lips. “yeah?” you ask, sounding as if you are in a daydream. 

“yeah,” he agrees, breathless. 

even if wonwoo tries his best to look as if he’s under total control, you know that he can’t keep that front for too long. he is clearly turned on, and the hardness pressing against your thigh is all of the proof that you need. he

even if wonwoo tries his best to look as if he’s under total control, you know that he can’t keep that front for too long. he is clearly turned on, and the hardness pressing against your thigh is all of the proof that you need. he’s close to get too worked up.

“it’s so great to know that i have one of the sexiest nerdy girls on campus just for myself…” his hand trails up your thighs, adventuring in the lands beneath your skirt. “and no one knows.”

you bite your lower lip, anticipating the contact of his hand against your core. “what’s so tempting about it?” you ask. 

he smiles. “ah… many things,”

your stare doesn’t vacillate. “i’d like an example,” 

instead of answering you straight away, wonwoo decides to take his sweet time. he leans his head to the side and kisses you feverishly, growing satisfied with the the small whimpers and breaths that echoes in between your mouths. his hands are all over you: on your ass, your waist, down your thighs and up your hips, where his eyes can not see. you only have your skirt and your panties on, and it is so frustrating to still feel him fully dressed against you. 

at last, he pulls away, placing his forehead against yours. as he speaks, you feel the tingle of his hands as they move towards the hem of your panties. 

“i like seeing you walk around campus, knowing that you’re sore from the night before,” he speaks slowly, his voice in a low vibration against your mouth. “and i know you don’t tell any of your friends about it. about how i fucked you so good that you almost cried,” 

you hum, closing your eyes. “what else?”

much to your dismay, his hands leave your underwear again, coming out to pull you closer. “when you send me those audios late at night,” he’s breathing out hard then, drowning in those lewd memories. “crying out my name… ” he stops and takes a big breath. “how am i supposed to say no to that? so there i go, out the door, telling your brother that i’m going to the library to study, instead of saying that i’m going to see his crazy hot sister and that i’m going to fuck her…” he hesitates. “and i just get this… adrenaline rush because he and my other friends don’t know it’s you.” 

“and how do you know that i like any of it?” you tease. 

wonwoo snickers at your question. both of you know that it is plastered all over your face, but he can keep up with that little teasing if you want to. 

“two reasons,” he says. “first: you do the same to me, or don’t you?” 

“i don’t recall,” you respond, forging innocence. okay, maybe you do like to play the naive part. 

“oh no? what a terrible memory you have, i see why you do badly in exams when you don’t study with me. now, let me remind you,” he places a strand of your hair behind your ear, his words hitting your skin in heated, libidinous waves. wonwoo is so close that you can count his eyelashes if you want to, his torso squeezed so tight against yours that you wonder how you even manage to breathe in this position. 

“it was just last week, babe. you called me to your flat after your roommate had left,” one of his hands goes back to play with the hem of your underwear, fingertips feeling like sparks against your skin. 

“you got so horny with just the thought of having me, isn’t that right?” much to your surprise, your voice comes out a lot more steady than you have expected. “don’t flatter yourself, you don’t know that.”

wonwoo laughs, placing his warm, swollen lips against the skin of your neck. “i don’t,” he agrees, digits pressing against your clothed area. 

you know he feels how wet your panties have become, so there’s no reason to keep that up. regardless, you kind of like it. 

“but i do remember how much you wanted me that night. how many times did i fuck you that night? and you just had to keep quiet, because your neighbours could have been catching something. that was so cute,” 

you sigh, your insides in knots over the tension you are sustaining. you hate him sometimes. hate how good he is. “i wasn’t counting.” 

“i know,” he swiftly pulls the fabric of your underwear to the side. 

“and this right here, this is the second reason. look at this,” his digits move, teasing you and you have to suppress a moan. “you’re always ready. i love that. you’re so good to me.” 

god, you are so close to lose it.

“so quiet all of a sudden,” his nose delicately trails up your neck, his mouth meeting the angle of your jaw in open kisses. in an attempt to ground yourself, your hands fly to his shoulders, nails digging through his t-shirt. you can still feel wonwoo’s fingers playing. you hate him. or not. you don’t know. 

“i know i leave you speechless, sometimes, but i wan to hear you too,” 

strong and steady, his other hand meets the curvature of your waist, pressing your body against his.

“nothing? y/n, you’re especially irresistible tonight,” his eyes are somewhat dazed, unfocused and hooded. he appears as if he’s two seconds away from fucking you raw against the wall, and you seriously wouldn’t mind at this point. 

“you know why i called you here?” “because you want to fuck me,” you respond without missing a beat. 

“i do, of course,” he places his forehead against yours, and you whimper. 

“and the best part is that no one will even know it,” he continues. against your best judgement, your knees are getting weaker by the minute, the knot in your abdomen about to untie.

“just you and i. just the two of us will know how much you begged.” 

“wonu,” you call out, hands tangling themselves in the roots of his silky hair. you whisper out his name again, your voice coming out in such a promiscuous tone. 

god, wonwoo loves hearing the effect he has on you. 

x

maybe jeon wonwoo does also have a golden dick. 

above you, he smirks at the sensation of your mouth around his thumb, his other hand coming to place small caresses on your hair. after he removes his thumb from your mouth, you get back to your feet. it swiftly crosses your mind that your legs might give out eventually but, thankfully, they seem a bit more firm than what you have anticipated. 

“better?” you ask. 

“perfect.” wonwoo kisses you, sighing against your mouth. he pulls away gradually, his body still moving a bit slow.

“you always are.” 

“aw, how nice of you,” you smile at his compliment, walking towards your pile of clothes. “always with the compliments.” 

he hums in agreement, watching your naked body - your fingers holding that red bra he adores so much. “do we have any lesson programmed this week?” 

an incredulous laugh ruptures your lips as you clasp your bra behind your back. 

“we just had sex, and you’re already thinking about studying time?” 

he shruggs. “i like to have a schedule,” 

“i don’t actually remember, but we can game at mine wednesday,” your skirt moves up your legs, all the way up to your waistline. from the corner of your eyes, you can see wonwoo fumbling with his own jeans, which he now curses for being inside out. 

“can you pass me some toilet paper?” you ask him, eager to clean the mess between your legs. there’s no way you are going to put your panties back on, even if the thought of going commando isn’t exactly the most welcoming either. 

wonwoo is sitting on the toilet lid, putting his jeans back, and simply nods in agreement before doing so. “i’d like to know, though,” he insists.

you smile, taking a cheeky glance at him. “oh, so you are needy. since when you’re so needy?” 

he groans. “i’m not needy, shut up.” the sound of his zipper closing echoes inside the cubicle. 

“well, you can have this as a memory, if you’d like.” 

you throw your red panties at him, watching as his face grows interested at the piece of cloth in his hands. wonwoo sighs, tugging his t-shirt back inside his pants. 

“you’re killing me,” he complains. “good.” you smile, turning back at him. “how do i look? presentable?” 

he examins you for an instant, taking in the details of your form. “it doesn’t look like you just got fucked, if that’s what you’re asking,” 

“great!” you swirl around, “have a nice night, wonu. and don’t get too excited with the panties,” 

wonwoo gets up and walks closer to you, your underwear safely guarded in his hands. you are positive he’s going to have fun with it later. “you’re going home already?” he asks. 

“yeah, you did a good job at making me tired,” the clicking of the lock is a pleasant reminder that no one tried to open the door during your alone time.

wonwoo chuckles, leaning closer to you and he places a kiss on your forehead. 

“good night, then. thanks for the panties,” you laugh. “you’re welcome.” 

x

the building is glowing in the most diverse colours from the outside, and the sound of the music is like a distant pulse.

you watch, heart clenching inside of your chest, as wonwoo steps out of the front door with hoshi and seokmin - his head hanging low and a smile at the corner of his lips. 

there is a volume in his front pocket, where you are sure he has tugged in your panties.

“i think that we should go home and sleep. but let’s keep this conversation on hold,” wonwoo cuts off the conversation. seokim, however, isn’t satisfied. 

“you know that i’ll find out eventually,” he says, trying not to trip while walking. 

“i always do. and hoshi knows it well.” 

hoshi laughs, meeting wonwoo’s eyes. on the other side of the street, you and nabi take the opposite direction, having wonwoo to turn his head quickly at you. 

“wonu-yah, i think you should give those lacy panties hanging off your pocket back to my sister tomorrow,”

“what-” “oh fuck!” a tomato red face wonwoo grabs them, while seokim trips and nearly cries out loud in the middle of the street.

[rey-129-fan]

Gotham-Amity Co-op AU Part 3

Part 1 | Previous | Next

“Hola beauties, and welcome back to Fashionable History, I’m Paulina,”

“And I’m Star, and on this channel, we teach you how to be at the height of fashion, no matter what time period you find yourself in.”

“Now for our long-time viewers who missed our community posts, you might be wondering about the change in location.  Well, we are moving up in the world.  That’s right, fam, we are officially-

“College girlies!” The two shouted into the camera.

“Ah, such a big step,” ‘Star’ sighed.

“Indeed it is.  And to celebrate, let us dress up like we’re going to meet the queen of fashion herself: Marie Antoinette!”

***

“So you would think it would be hard to demonstrate Amity Park’s weirdness while no longer living there, but you would be wrong,” a black man said into the camera while walking down a hallway, his glasses fallen ever so slightly down his nose.  There were voices in the background progressively getting louder.  “You see, Danny’s mentor popped by this morning, and apparently, he decided that the perfect way to tutor Danny and piss off his bosses at the same time was to allow a bunch of college kids to summon a historical figure of their choosing to discuss their area of expertise.  Once a week.

“Jazz got to go first.”

The black man stopped in a doorway.  Much clearer in the background was a woman’s even voice.  “And Jazz, being the future psychologist that she is, picked the most sex-obsessed man in history.”

The camera flipped to show a young red-head sitting across an older man with a white beard in a blue three piece suit.  In the background was a younger man, his blue eyes glazed over as he sat there sipping from his mug, his head of black hair bobbing as he fought to stay awake.  Really, it wouldn’t gather a second glance, except for the tiny detail that the older man’s skin was as green as a sunburnt person’s was red.

“-indeed homosexuality is not an illness, and in fact the only link between it and mental health has been observed to be caused by familial and community reactions.”

“That is good to hear.  Indeed, many people throughout history were homosexual, and a lot of them did not show any other signs of mental illnesses.”

“It is.  However, with the recent pushes for public acceptance of those not heterosexual, many have come forward with sexual orientations beyond just hetero and homosexuality, including those that are attracted to both men and women at the same time, as well as those who experience no sexual attraction or are completely repulsed by the idea of anything sexual.”

The camera flipped back to the first man.  “She is explaining how psychology has developed in the last 100 years without trying to rip apart Freud’s work.

“This isn’t even the first time something like this has happened.  Occasionally, we’d get guest speakers that would turn out to be some famous author or pioneer in their field.  It’s how our English teacher got his copy of the Tempest signed by the original author.  I think this might be the first one that won’t end in a raid by government idiots in white, though.

“So yeah, we occasionally get to talk to dead celebrities and don’t bat an eye at it.  Amity Park is very weird.”

***

“Danny!  You left your cups in the sink again!”

“How can you tell it’s mine?”

“They’re glowing green and you’re the only one that drinks ectoplasm!  Now take care of them before you bring the food to life again!”

“Fine…”

The camera pans over to a goth woman giving the camera a flat look.  On screen, there’s some text that reads: ‘When your boyfriend forgets to clean off his dishes after his mildly radioactive smoothies.’

***

“Urgh!” Just die you stupid, lazy skeleton!”

“How long is this attack going to be!”

“I don’t care, because when it’s finally my turn, I am going to stab the dust out of this depressed sack of bones!”

On screen was a couch, and on that couch sat 3 young adults, two women and one man.  One of the women was Valarie Gray, US National Taekwondo Silver Medalist, was jabbing her thumb down on the d-pad of her controller, lips pulled back in a snarl.  The other was Samantha Manson, more known for the TikTok channel Our Strange Lives.  The man was a muscular blond.  All three were focusing on the screen, their eyes emitting faint light and Valarie’s teeth seemed to be getting sharper.

Quietly a blond woman walked on screen, a backpack slung over her shoulder.  The woman was Star Strong from Fashionable History.

“You guys are still streaming?”

“This boss is stupid difficult and Manson and Gray are the only ones willing to play.”

“What happened to the guys?”

“Fowley, Wes, Singh all had work.  Fenton got to the first boss and then lost it because ‘Goat Mom just wanted to protect us’ before getting a call from his lil sis asking for help.  Kwan is working on a lab with a guy from his chem class, and Kyle passed out a couple hours ago.”

“Stop dodging!”

“Wanna play?”

“Can’t.  Going to the library to study for a calc exam I have coming up.  See you guys later.”

“Later.”

“FUC-”

***

“And so, with this polaroid image, we have evidence to prove that-”

“Hey, Wes, do you have something I can use for a collage?  Oh sweet, thanks bro!”

“What?  No!  Kyle!  Get back with that! That was the proof I was going to use to prove the existence of Yetis!”

“Oh damn.  This is some nice creature work!  Danny, your friend has an incredible costume, man!”

“Thanks, Kyle!  I’ll pass it on!”

***

Tim paused the video right as Wesley Weston stood to chase his older brother.

There.

The red-head’s eyes had a slight glow to them.  Tim clicked over to the other images he had gathered of the Amity Park teens, all with their eyes glowing or other signs of something inhuman.

Tim had been introduced to this group by Stephanie when she found a martial arts demonstration Gray did that involved breaking multiple boards, all several feet above her head.  Stephanie had meant it as a ‘check out his cool person doing what we’re doing,’ but Tim noticed something.  All the boards were being held by seemingly the same person- or at least people dressed very similarly.  And not in a way where they’re sitting on a ledge above Gray and are switching out the board each time she broke one.  More that there were multiple companies of the same white glove all holding a board and all floating several feet above where they should have been.  That was already a little weird, but it could’ve been some special effects or just a uniform.

No, what caught Tim’s attention was the quick glimpse of the face of one of the board holders.  It was youthful- late teens- but with paper white hair that showed no signs of bleaching.  Now these features would have been a thing to cement the mysterious person in Tim’s mind.  But it wasn’t that.

No, what got Tim to do some digging to find out about a previously unknown supposed hero from a small town that has been blacked-out by the US government, was his eyes.

His calm, glowing Lazarus green eyes.

***

So we finally get a taste for the shenanigans our liminals are up to. Sam, Tucker, and Danny all share a TikTok where they show off how weird the other two are and how weird their town is. Wes is trying to prove cryptids exist, which Kyle ruins. Dash has a gaming stream that most often Kwan joins in on, and Paulina and Star do dress history. Oh, and Valarie is a national taekwondo because karate has only been an event for one Olympic games, but taekwondo has been an event since 2000 and Val seems more like a kicker than a thrower. Plus, I actually took taekwondo when I was younger.

We do get another Bat showing up at the end. There is absolutely no plot, however, so who knows where this is going. Certainly not me!

I'm still looking for names (please, I need them). As for majors:

Jazz-Psych (obviously)

Kyle- Liberal Arts (I wanna put him in accounting, but Liberal Arts works for now)

Tuck- Comp Sci

Danny- Poly Sci, minor in Astronomy

Sam- Double Poly Sci and Environmental Science

Val- Criminal Justice

Dash- Undecided (both me and him)

Kwan- Pre-Med for now, though he wants to do Child Development/Education

Paulina- Fashion Marketing

Star- Sports Science

Mikey- Music

Wes- Journalism

[punksocks]

Astrology Observations No.23

*just based on my experiences only take what resonates

Quite a few people with Chiron in Gemini are singers, talented ones too

We always talk about intuition of Pisces and Scorpio but Cancer placements are also crazy intuitive. I feel like you really can’t fool someone about how you’re feeling with Cancer in the big 6.

Air moons tend to catch feelings when someone is unavailable; earth moons tend to catch feelings when someone is more stable/ambitious than them; fire moons tend to catch feelings when someone is passionate and courageous; water moons tend to catch feelings when someone has sort of dreamy/otherworldly energy to them (that unspoken spark really gets to water moons)

If you wanna seduce Venus in 9th, travel with them or teach them something new

if you want to win over someone with Venus in 2nd/Taurus you should get them gifts (can apply to earth moons too imo- as long as the gift is useful or high end for them)

Quietly I think Capricorn in the big 6 can make you just as domestic as cancer in the big 6, but a Capricorn is usually going to talk about/pay attention their public image more

Someone said the only thing they can’t deal with is someone throwing it back in your face when you try to help them/give them advice (like the other person saying you don’t care or that you’re just in it for yourself) and yeah that’s Virgo mars

Moon square/opposition to the ascendant could have people assume you’re putting on a personality/faking something

Saturn in Pisces is another placement to make sure you watch your mental health, all of Saturn’s consequences come at your subconscious

Do water risings seem to have a theme of like not trying to let their perspectives be colored by some sort of sadness ? (Cancer Asc - nostalgia /which isn’t always sad but if you hear cancer placements talk about it then they often filter their own nostalgia through a certain sadness; Scorpio Asc - traumatic experiences that shaped their perspective; Pisces Asc - a feeling of like ennui, a certain kind of listlessness)

Neptune in the houses can show frequent locations if your dreams (3rd house- school, childhood neighborhoods; 4th house- childhood home, places you’d visit a lot with your family; 6th house the workplace; 9th house places you’ve traveled to or want to go to, etc)

Something we don’t talk about with Chiron in 1st is that it’s an energy amplifier imo. So when you’re healed you give off healing energy, but when you’re unhealed or even toxic you subconsciously spread that energy around (or maybe consciously, a lot of people I’ve known that belittle and nitpick others from a place of insecurity have Chiron in 1st)

If mars aspects your 4th house you may have grown up fighting and arguing a lot, especially with your family but in your childhood environment in general

Taurus placements will have their whole day impacted by a disappointing meal (especially moons- also mars imo)

Aries placements have trouble maturing sometimes bc their sign is then youngest of the zodiac (Pisces is the old man but this can make them unclear and disconnected too)

Aquarius in the big 3 (especially Aquarius moon) tend to be really good at playing detached and calculating (in real life too lol but I’m thinking of Rosamund Pike and how well she sold her cool girl speech from gone girl - she’s a double Aquarius) (also in real life people aren’t always so predictable/controllable so this calculating behavior can go sideways sometimes)

I love how the Pluto in Scorpio generation is making all of this mainstream art about transformation and healing generational trauma (everything everywhere all at once is what I was watching when I thought of this)

Also I’m still working on how to utilize degree theory best but Daniel kwan (one of the everything everywhere all at once directors) has Scorpio moon at a cancer degree (19) and his most acclaimed movie so far is about depression, trauma, and generational curses (I love everything everywhere all at once pls watch it, I cried 3 times when I watched it and I’m a Capricorn moon so you know that means a lot lol)

[covid-safer-hotties]

To My Unmasked Friend in the Fifth Year of COVID - By: Anna Holmes - Published Aug 17, 2024

I’m going to be honest with you, because I love you, and you deserve nothing but honesty. I’m going to try really hard not to be angry while I do it, but it’s probably going to slip out every now and again. But I need you to hear me out, all right?

By now, we’ve talked about my reality. My personal struggle with long COVID, the isolation I live in, why I am so angry all the time.

But let’s talk about you. You just went to a big convention overseas. You got on a plane, got a little gussied up, talked shop with some insiders, geeked out over awards and merch, ate, drank, were merry, left with your social cup and your heart full.

You’re a good person. We wouldn’t be friends otherwise! You’d never dream of tripping a person with a red and white cane, using the r-word, excluding a disabled person from an event because of something they can’t help.

You might even acknowledge that the COVID response from governments and organizations has been ableist and inadequate.

But you didn’t wear a mask.

For whatever reason — you wanted to show off your makeup, it makes you itchy, you believed the messaging that COVID is endemic (what does that actually mean?), you just don’t think about it anymore — you made a choice that actively excludes people like me from participating not only in an event like a convention, but society at large. And yes, it is a choice. Every time you step out into the world without a mask on your face, you have made a decision that your very good reason, whatever it is, supersedes the right of disabled and at-risk people to exist safely in your orbit.

Well, hold on, you say. It’s not any one individual’s fault, it’s the inadequate public health messaging. Isn’t that what you’ve been saying?

And I have. In the past, I have talked about how it is unconscionable that health authorities have thrown their hands up and rescinded guidance that would have saved hundreds of thousands of lives and prolonged a pandemic that, to hear them tell it, has been bested. It hasn’t. Worst of all, the financial motivation that we all know is driving this premature victory lap isn’t even being fulfilled. Long COVID and other post-COVID complications are costing the global economy one trillion a year. Meanwhile, article after article handwrings about nobody wanting to work anymore, about the sagging college application scene, about declines in military enlistment, and the strain on our healthcare systems.

All of this is very much the fault of our leaders, who have decided the political ramifications of “normalcy” are more important than the health and lives of the 400 million people living with long COVID across the globe, the immunocompromised folks who are increasingly being shut out of every conceivable public space, and the disabled community which has been screaming into the wind about our marginalization since before the virus even hit US soil.

But I want to be very clear. You are helping them do this.

The reality is that we have been living in this deeply flawed landscape of “personal choice”, and you’ve made yours. You’ve opted not to look into how densely clustered cases are. You’ve stopped listening to your friends who have informed themselves. You’ve given yourself permission to put COVID on the back burner. You’ve earned it, right? Four and a half years of trauma?

COVID doesn’t care if you’re tired of being scared or careful or considerate. COVID is not something you can personally overcome by being smart or virtuous or brave. It is a virus which only seeks to infect and replicate, and it is getting very good at those things. While you’ve looked away, my community has been scrambling to avoid variants that skirt immunity and don’t show up on rapid tests until day five-seven. The constant battle has changed since you were last in it. It’s not sufficient anymore to get your shots and test before a big event. You could well be asymptomatic and infectious, or have symptoms and convinced yourself it can’t be COVID because that second line hasn’t popped up.

You have come to the conclusion sometime between 2022 and now that you just have to decide what level of risk you’re comfortable with and live with it. The problem with that is scale. It’s you and everybody else doing that, and a lot of people have decided they are comfortable with a high level of risk. Despite what you’ve been told, you’re not just making that decision for yourself. You are making it for every person you come in contact with.

Think back to the early tense days of 2020. We were told to select a “bubble.” Those people would be our social lifelines, and through those, we could control our exposure.

My bubble is quite small. It includes my husband, my sister, and two friends I see relatively frequently.

My husband goes to work via the bus, and to the grocery store. Every person he comes in contact with there has the potential to infect him, and then he has the potential to pass it along to me. He mitigates this by wearing a well-fitted respirator at all times.

My sister goes to work at a busy public place. She masks when public facing and takes it off in the back office. She goes to restaurants, bars, concerts, hangs out with friends and her own partner unmasked. About 75% of her interactions have the heightened potential to infect her, which she might then bring into my house when she visits me.

My friends do not mask anywhere except my house when asked. They attend concerts, shows, cons, bars.

Obviously, I am in control of whether I wear a mask around these people. And as we approach one million new cases a day, I will be around everyone but my husband. But science is clear: reciprocal masking is more effective at infection control than a single person masking — especially when that single person is trying to protect themselves, not others.

This is settled science. We’ve known this since 2020. It says clearly that the choice you make is not personal- it has implications for everyone you come in contact with.

And being clear — if I could, I’d make everyone wear a mask for their own health. I don’t want people suffering with what I have. But you’ve been told this lie that you can take your risks for yourself, so you feel comfortable going out without a mask. You’ve been told this lie that it’s possible to completely recover from a COVID infection, so you assume that even if you do catch it, that’s what’ll happen to you, despite evidence showing that every body is indelibly changed by an infection, and that risk only grows with each subsequent infection.

And the greatest lie of all — that only the sick or elderly have anything to fear from COVID — has given you unfounded confidence in your own “good” genes or immune system or fitness. You can get long COVID even if you’re in peak form — in fact, may even be more likely to be hit hard.

So you have decided, individually and collectively, that only the sick or elderly should have to take precautions, and you freewheel through life, only to get surprised and dismayed when you bump into COVID in the wild. It’s back, people declare every summer or winter, as though it ever left.

But I want you to really think about the implications of your choice. Besides yourself. Because let’s be honest here, that’s who you’ve been thinking about, right? Your risk. Your comfort. Never mind your bubble, never mind the bubble of everyone you come into contact with, never mind the people like me who are literally hiding from people like you.

You’re not masking at the doctor’s office. You’re not masking at the airport. You’re not masking at the giant superspreader you just attended, and you’re not masking in the bars and restaurants where we know the virus flourishes. And then you’re bringing that exposure back to your family and friends. Back to the grocery store, where you run across people like my husband, shopping for someone who is unsafe to leave the house, or your elderly neighbors, or an immunocompromised employee.

You’re a good person, or you like to think of yourself that way. That’s why when you’re asked to mask, you dismiss it out of hand — because that changed behavior implies that you’ve been doing something wrong.

And my friend, I’m telling this because I love you: you have been. You might have been doing that on faulty information, but be honest with yourself and with me — you’ve heard me begging people to take this seriously. You’ve seen the information I’ve been sharing. You have had the opportunity to seek out the correct information all along, and you have chosen not to.

It isn’t too late to change your view of the risk you’re imposing on the people around you. It’s not too late to push public health to become more effective. It’s not too late to act in solidarity and be the inclusive person you think you are. It’s not too late to take care of yourself.

Ultimately, that’s what I have been screaming myself hoarse about. I don’t want you to end up with what I have. I don’t want you to inadvertently impose that on someone else. And yes, I’ve been angry, because you’ve been advertising your absolute lack of concern with group shots of your naked faces on social media. It doesn’t seem to bother you that I am stuck at home like it’s 2020, except for doctors’ appointments that I literally have to risk my life to go to. You’ve told yourself that it’s not your problem, because only the sick and elderly have to take precautions.

You know better. You can do better. For your community, yourself, and me, do better.

Please. I love you.

Anna

PS. If you’re feeling upset and embarrassed right now, the best thing you can do is take action. Get yourself good masks (the surgicals and cloth ones don’t cut it anymore), donate to mask blocs so others can access good masks, write to your representatives and the President, comment on upcoming CDC guidance, schedule yourself a booster, and talk to your loved ones about doing better, too. The only way we get out of this is with community care. So care.

[the-boy-meets-evil]

some habits are hard to break | feat. jungkook

(where you know that jungkook is the last person you should keep running back to, but neither of you can seem to let the other go.)

pairing: jungkook x fem!reader genre: angst, smut, est. relationship rating: explicit, minors DNI word count: ~12.5k warnings: the relationship isn't healthy (but they're very human), miscommunications, misplaced hope, bad habits, unhealthy coping mechanisms, cheating (reader on unnamed boyfriend), mentions of past trauma (reader), mentions of therapy, mentions of mental health struggles (reader), explicit smut: unprotected sex (don't do this), fingering (f. receiving), oral sex (f. receiving), handjob, semi public sex (behind a closed door at a club), teasing, hair pulling, light choking, i think that's it but let me know if i missed anything

a/n: she is finally here! i did not expect this fic to take me this long, but here we are. thank you to one of my favorite humans @ugh-yoongi for reading this over and assuring me they weren't terrible, just human. this story feels personal to me so that was reassuring.

a/n 2: lauren has asked for a pt 2, so i’ll be writing that after i get through both my collabs due in august 💕 banner/divider credit: my bby @classicscreations who always comes through tagging: @pjmparadise @axialitae

Every single thought is the same. You know better than to send the text sitting on your phone. You know precisely why it’s wrong. You know that nothing is ever going to change.

Here’s the thing. You’re in a healthy, stable relationship with someone who’s good to you and for you. He’s honest and caring, funny and sweet. Despite all of your baggage, he never makes you feel less than, never makes you feel broken. This is the first time in your life that you’ve been able to lay all your shit on the table and have someone accept it unconditionally. And he always does what he says he’s going to. You’re never up waiting at 2 in the morning, wondering where he is because he hasn’t called or texted.

So, yeah, things with him are good, great even.

But…

And that’s the thing, isn’t it? As soon as there’s a but, it’s like you can’t see all of the good. It’s all just a placeholder before what may be the worst three-letter word in the English language. You wonder if it means there’s just something fundamentally wrong with you. Who looks for the “buts” of every situation? Why can’t you just appreciate all the truly wonderful things in your relationship?

Because you’ve had the one thing you’re missing. You know it exists and it’s hard to forget.

Your boyfriend is great, perfect, even, in almost every way that matters. It’s just, you’re not exactly…satisfied. And you know that you could guide him to be better for you in that way. He just seems a bit sensitive about it at times and you don’t want to make him feel less than since he never does that to you.

This is exactly why you’re staring at your phone. Paralyzed because you both want to send the text and know you really can’t. Your body remembers his, remembers the way the slightest touch sent your heart racing. You try to also remember every word he’s ever uttered to you, too, because he’s always been very clear about who he is.

It’s fucked up that you’re even considering it, beyond wrong that you typed those 5 words out in an empty conversation thread. (Even though you usually keep every conversation, you deleted this one after you got serious about your boyfriend. You say it’s to keep the temptation away, but really, how well is that working now?)

You: what are you up to?

Just like that, your need to fill your desires wins out against every other rational thought you have. Part of you hopes that he doesn’t respond. It’s been months since you last spoke and you know he’s got a short attention span. Maybe he’ll spare you having to make a final decision.

Jungkook: out getting some drinks with friends

He doesn’t. His answer comes in far quicker than you expect it to and you get that same feeling in your stomach. Like anticipation mixed with desire. You’re so fucked.

Jungkook: what are you up to?

Tomorrow you’ll look back and realize this is a chance to bow out, to realize that this is a mistake. That you hadn’t sealed your fate when you sent the first message. You could still just bow out and walk away, leave the message unanswered.

You don’t.

You: nothing, just at home alone Jungkook: what about the boyfriend? You: away for work

You know that you should feel bad now. A normal person might realize that this was destructive behavior, that you’re purposely sabotaging your own long-term happiness for instant gratification. At least, that’s what your therapist tells you.

Jungkook: I can be home in 15 minutes, I’m just around the corner

The message is really your last chance, whether you consciously think about it or not. There was no preamble with Jungkook. He assumes you’re texting him so you can come over. And he’s right, isn’t he? You weren’t exactly texting to catch up with someone you weren’t ever friends with anyway. No, you’re both adults and you know what this is. Just like you’ve always known.

You: give me 30 and I’ll be over

Was there really any other outcome? From the moment you opened Jungkook’s contact to start a text, this was the inevitable end. You can pretend that you have control and you were on the fence. But, you know the truth, and so does Jungkook. He knows it from the moment your name appears on his lock screen. This only ends one way, the same way it’s ended countless times before.

Thirty minutes later, after cleaning up and getting dressed, you stand on Jungkook’s doorstep. There’s a moment where you genuinely question if this is smart. Smart is the wrong word, you think. Of course, this is fucking stupid. You could ask 100 people and every single one of them would probably tell you to turn around. So no, this isn’t smart.  The real question is if you’re going to do it anyway.

Jungkook opens the door before you even knock and the question dies. There he is, in baggy sweatpants and a t-shirt, like the true fuckboy you know he is, and your body remembers. It remembers every kiss, every touch, every tremble. It starts to react without your permission.  By the smirk he’s wearing, you can tell Jungkook remembers too.

“Right on time,” he says, leaning against the door frame like he needs the support.

“Are we gonna have a whole conversation out here?” It’s a challenge and a mistake all rolled into one.

He doesn’t answer, just moves aside so that you can step past him. There’s a moment, as you’re stepping past him and glancing around his apartment, of nerves. Of wondering what the fuck is going on. But his apartment hasn’t changed, not that you expected it to, and neither has he.

“Want anything to drink?” he asks, moving around you to the kitchen. He looks back over his shoulder at you, a confident smirk on his lips. “We could do a couple shots.”

“Trying to get me drunk?” you wonder. Still, you follow him into the kitchen.

“No, definitely not.” His answer is swift and his eyes roam over you, appraising. “You just seem a little on edge.”

“Wonder why that is,” you huff out.

Jungkook leans back against the counter, eyes still trained on you. “If you don’t want to be here…”

“I didn’t say that either,” you respond.

There’s this weird tension settling between the two of you and you’re not really sure what to do about it. Not really sure how to get out of your head for even a second. That’s when you feel Jungkook’s hands on your hips, pulling you back against his body where he still leans against the counter.

“I don’t want you to feel pressured,” he says and dips his head to kiss along your jawline.

“I don’t,” you respond.

“Do you want me to stop?” he whispers against your skin as he continues to kiss down your neck.

The only thing that comes out for a second is a hum when Jungkook lightly sucks at the base of your neck where it meets your collarbone. “No.”

“Are you sure?” He’s pulled back now and looking you directly in the eye.

You take a breath and then another when your heart starts to speed up. The only thoughts are of his lips on yours, his fingers grazing along your body. Slowly your fingers trail up his arms and he doesn’t move at all. Just watches you and waits for you to make your decision. Leaves it all up to you.

So you do the only thing you can, the only thing you were going to do once you sent that text. You let your fingers find purchase in his hair and you press your lips hard against his. He’s turning the two of you around in an instant so it’s you pressed into the counter. The kiss is hard and desperate, like you’ve both been starved and this is the only way to solve that. His hands feel like they’re everywhere and it’s still not enough, not completely what you need. Nobody has ever set your body on fire just from kissing the way Jungkook does. It’s bliss the way your brain goes almost silent except for thoughts of him. And you know he’s just as turned on, can feel it in the way he’s pressing against you.

Jungkook kisses down your neck again and you don’t even bother to hold back the moan. When you feel him lightly sucking into your skin before pulling away, part of you wishes he’d do it harder. Wishes he’d leave a mark. Wishes for something to show what you’re doing here tonight without you having to say it. He doesn’t, though, and you know he wouldn’t even if you asked.

Instead he pulls away, smirks at your whimper from the lack of contact, and reaches for the hem of your shirt. He’s still asking permission, so you give it. Your shirt and bra disappear in record time and his mouth is back on. Softly kissing down the space between your breasts and across the underside of one. It’s too much, the way he knows exactly what you need, the way his lip ring teases you as he moves across your skin, the way he stops to just look at you when he knows he’s driving you crazy.

Well, you think, two can play at that game. Before he even realizes what you’re doing, you’re spitting into your hand and reaching inside his sweats and boxers (since he’s annoyingly still clothed). You’re slowly dragging your hand along his length, moving painfully slowly. He groans when you slide your thumb over his tip and pulls back.

“Fuck,” he says and slowly pulls your hand out.

“What?” you ask, actually confused.

“Come on, I can’t fuck you against this counter but if we don’t get out of here, I’m gonna try,” he says and pulls you along into the bedroom.

Jungkook kisses you hard and lightly pushes you back onto the bed. You prop yourself up to watch him quickly undress. You love watching the way his muscles contract with each movement, love the lean lines of his body, absolutely love everything about him. If he sees you watching him, which you’re sure he does, he doesn’t say anything. Instead he leans over you, kisses you hard again as he pulls your pants and underwear off nearly in one motion.

“Eager,” you taunt.

“You won’t be saying that when you can’t walk tomorrow,” he says.

Before you can answer, Jungkook is flipping you over so that you’re on your hands and knees, pressing down on your back so your ass is in the air. You’re a little surprised, because usually he takes his time with you. Not that you’re complaining. He moves on the bed and then you hear a bottle opening seconds before you feel the cold liquid at your entrance. He may be a lot of things, but he always makes sure you’re taken care of.

Despite his words, he still slides into you slowly and lets you adjust to him. His hands grip your hips tightly as he rolls his hips into you almost carefully, like he’s not sure if you’re adjusted. It’s bordering on painful that he’s so still.

“Fuck Jungkook, move,” you whine.

“What’s that?” he asks.

“Just fuck me, please fuck me,” you beg and you hear the low chuckle.

“Thought you’d never ask,” he says and snaps into you hard.

“Fuckkkkkk,” you draw out.

Removing one hand from your hip, he presses you back down into the mattress. You arch your back further so he has a better angle and let the pillow muffle your moans. It mixes with his own groans and the slap of his skin against yours every time he buries himself fully inside you. There’s something frantic about it and you’re sure this is what you’ve been missing. Sure this is what you need. He removes his hand from your hip again and roughly slaps your ass.

“Oh my god, Jungkook,” you yell.

He slaps your other ass cheek and it makes you scream out again. Yes, this is what you need. Someone to be a little rougher with you. Someone who doesn’t treat you like you’re going to break or worry if you can take it because he knows. He knows exactly what you can take and exactly what you like. Him pulling on your hair is only further proof of that.

And then he’s pulling you to him, so that your back is against his chest. The new angle has him hitting deeper inside you, reaching that spot that nearly has you seeing stars. Jungkook moves his hand out of your hair around your neck, gripping lightly.

“Do you like that, baby?” he whispers roughly in your ear.

“Yes,” you moan out.

“Because I fuck you the best,” he continues.

“Jungkook, fuck, just fucking choke me, please,” you beg, unbothered by how much you’re begging him.

That doesn’t need any answer from him beyond his fingers tightening around your throat. It’s the perfect pressure too, just like every other time he’s choked you while fucking. It makes you feel a little lightheaded but also like everything feels that much more amplified. Every hard thrust into your cunt pushes you closer to the edge. Every breath sounds louder. Everything is just more.

He also knows your body to know when you’re close. You almost whine when he removes his hand from your throat because you felt like you were about to come. And then he rubs a thumb over your clit, continues to make sure you come first, like always.

“Fuck, fuck, I’m gonna come,” you shout.

“Come on baby, I wanna feel you come,” he says into your ear.

It’s the only permission you need as you let go. Somewhere, in the haze of your high, you can tell that he’s coming too, that his release comes just after yours. It’s all you can do not to slump against his body, though. His arms are strong around you as he pulls out so that both of you can lay down on the bed.

A few minutes later, after he’s cleaned you both off and you’re lying together in bed, you wonder how you’re going to extract yourself. You’ve never really felt awkward around him, so you’re not really sure why you do now.

“I should be going,” you say and start to sit up.

Jungkook is quick to pull you back down. He meets your look of confusion with nothing but desire. You think, not for the first time, it’s the kind of look that you drown in. The kind of look that ruins you.

“And just where do you think you’re going?” he asks.

“Home?” you offer.

“Why?” he fires back.

“I don’t know, Jungkook, we already fucked,” you say. Part of you is a little exasperated at having to spell it out.

“Do you really think I’m going to let you leave here when I haven’t even tasted you?” he asks.

Fuck.

(He follows through with exactly what he says. It’s slow and measured, like he wants to pull apart every thread you have one by one. Like he wants to ruin you for anyone that isn’t him. Like he doesn’t know he already has.

The lip ring is new since the last time you fucked him and you’re not sure if you’ll even be able to tell when he’s between your legs. Until you’re praising him so loudly you’re sure his neighbors must hear. Or maybe it’s just because he’s so good at getting you off. Even if tonight, he takes his time, brings you to the edge over and over before finally letting you slip over.

It’s the early hours of the morning by the time you’re both worn out. You offer to call a ride, only to have him insist you stay. It’s much too late to be going anywhere when he’d be worried if you were safe or not. So you stay and it’s the best sleep you’ve gotten in awhile.)

The wait is excruciating. Your boyfriend comes home tonight and it’s terrible timing, you know, but you also know that you have to tell him what happened. It isn’t fair to him to just go on without knowing. He’s one of the kindest people in the world, doesn’t deserve this. He’s not broken like you, something you’ve pointed out since the beginning. Maybe those intrusive thoughts were right and you just aren’t built for healthy relationships.

Although you haven’t told many of your friends what happened, you had to confide in a few. Each of them tells you that you shouldn’t tell him what happened. They say that it’s just one of those things where confessing might make you feel better, but it’ll only make him feel shitty. It’s hard to know how he’ll feel. Shitty is probably fair. But, you think they’re wrong about how you’ll feel. Getting this off your chest will just replace one weight with another. Wanting to come clean isn’t about clearing your own conscience. It’s about honesty and him having the ability to make an informed decision.

It actually goes far better than you thought, somehow. He’s hurt, how could he not be? Despite that, he’s calm in the conversation. Instead of breaking it off there and then, which is what you expect, he suggests taking a step back. It’ll allow the relationship to be less defined and maybe less serious. You can’t really believe it when he says that he’s there to work things out with you and give you the space to figure out what you need. It breaks your heart a little bit more, somehow, to see him so patient with you. You don’t deserve it.

Instead of seeing this as a failure, he wants you to see it for what he sees it as. This is just a slip, a step back. There’s been so much trauma in your life that it’s natural for you to have moments where you slip. He’s hurt, yes, he’ll admit that, but he’s not angry with you. At the end of the day, he genuinely cares for you and he’s willing to do whatever it is the both of you need in order to move forward. You both agree that therapy as a couple might be important. However, he insists that it can wait while you sort through how you’re feeling.

Overall, you think you feel okay about it. Things will look different with him for the time being, but you can actually see past this moment in time. That’s new for you. You’re feeling hopeful for the future and you even let yourself imagine a future with him in it. Maybe this isn’t the end of the world after all. Maybe this is just something you actually needed to close a chapter.

Weeks go by. Therapy is back to being once a week, sometimes twice when the sessions fit into your work schedule, and you do trust this therapist. Really, you do. She listens to everything you say and interjects in meaningful ways. It’s clear that she’s actually listening to you and giving you genuine feedback, rather than some previous therapists that only asked how something made you feel. Sitting in that office has forced you to face a lot of deep-seated issues, everything from your childhood to past relationships to the deepest recesses of your mind. Sometimes you don’t really want to relive those moments, but she’s always done a good job of explaining why you need to do the work.

But…

And there it is, again, that stupid three-letter word that brings everything to a screeching halt.

Despite all your therapist’s work, there’s a part of you that doesn’t see the future anymore. Therapy is wonderful and you’re actually really thankful you found this therapist. You’re sleeping better, you feel lighter, and the world doesn’t feel like it’s going to crush you every day. Maybe she’s a little too good at her job, though, because you’re wondering how to move forward. Your boyfriend is perfect…for someone. And you’re not sure anymore if that someone is you.

It’s been weeks and he’s still just content to take the backseat while you do whatever work you need to do. It’s stupid, you know it’s stupid, but you want him to fight for you. You want to see that he is actually upset over what happened with Jungkook. It’s not healthy, you know that and your therapist reminds you it’s not healthy. You’re doing everything you can to make your brain catch up that it’s not healthy. You can’t shake it, though. All the doubts and insecurities creep back in when he still doesn’t seem bothered.

So you do the only thing you can think of, the thing your therapist disagrees with. Well, disagrees with the reasoning, not with the idea itself. You break off the relationship. He tries to approach it in such a way that leaves the door open for you both to come back to it down the road. You don’t want loose ends, so you lie. It hurts to see his face crumble when you say you just don’t love him and he should find someone that does. It’s cruel. You hate yourself for doing it. But you think it’s easier this way. This is too comfortable and you don’t want to string him along.

Then, you make the second decision your therapist disagrees with and text Jungkook. After seeing she can’t make you see her perspective on the break-up, she suggests spending some time alone to learn more about yourself. That’s terrifying. If she could hear your thoughts, surely she would not suggest leaving you alone with them. They’re intrusive and self-sabotaging and just loud, so loud.

Unsurprisingly, Jungkook is happy to hear from you, happier still to know that you’re unattached again. Not that he minds being discreet, he’s happy to confine things to the four walls of his apartment. It’s just that he also likes to get you dressed up and go out. He’s always liked having someone pretty on his arm, even if he’s just at some local sports bar.

That’s not where you end up tonight, though. Your head is especially loud and you want some quiet. Need to get lost in something other than the potential mess you’re making of your life. When Jungkook suggests a club a friend of his owns, you say yes before he even finishes asking. The place is familiar to you and it’s perfect, in all its noise, low lighting, and crowded spaces. There’s no better way (at least as far as you know) of quieting your brain than going somewhere even louder.

It’s easy to get lost, several drinks in, as you press your back into Jungkook on the dance floor. The tight dress that seemed like such a good idea rides up your thighs now, with a little help from the light sheen of sweat covering your body and a little more help from Jungkook’s hands that grip you tightly.

Everything is familiar. You’ve been here before, to this exact club with Jungkook, more than once. And it’s the kind of easy you’re looking for now. As his hand inches further up your thigh, you press further back into him, looking to erase any space between the two of you. Tonight is just to forget and Jungkook is excellent at that.

Maybe if you were a little less drunk, you would stop his hand. You are in public, after all. As it is, you really don’t care. He likes to tease, gets off knowing someone may see, and you’re not in the mood to put a stop to it. Tonight, he seems even more daring than usual. He lets his thumb graze the thin layer of fabric at your core, likely feeling how much you want him. You shudder as his warm breath tickles your ear.

“There’s a storage closet in the back that might be unlocked,” he says, voice low with desire.

And that’s new because you’re certain that of all the times you’ve fucked Jungkook, none of them have been at the club. It’s been close, getting a little carried away under the table in one of the VIP booths, running his hand up your shirt on the dance floor, but you’ve never fucked him here. You’re also a little too tipsy to register that at the moment when all you want is him.

It’s too loud for you to answer him so you just squeeze his hand and nod. That’s all the permission he needs, anyway. Before you can give it a second thought, he’s pulling you off the dance floor and down a hallway. He looks around like he’s not completely sure where he’s going and then sees a door.

The door opens and you’re both in without another thought. Jungkook crowds your space, pressing you against the closed door and stealing your gasp with his lips on yours. Your hands find purchase in his slightly shaggy hair and one of his hands digs into your hip, holding you firmly in place. Like there’s anywhere else you would rather be in that moment.

From the moment his lips make contact with yours, you remember why you ignored your therapist and walked away from your relationship. It’s just a kiss, granted a pretty heated one, but still. It’s just a kiss and your whole body is alive in a way it hasn’t been since the last time you were with him. As he trails kisses across your jaw and down your neck, you can feel the heat he leaves behind with each touch.

Jungkook also never makes you feel self-conscious about the way your body responds to him. Not that your boyfriend, ex-boyfriend now, ever said anything about your moans, but he was also really quiet in bed. And you stopped reacting as much, because it wasn’t the best part of your relationship. Not that you want to be dwelling on that now. Not as Jungkook is working his way down your body, clearly just as turned on as you, eliciting soft moans as he goes.

When he drops to his knees in front of you, you think you may really be done for. He lifts one of your legs and rests it on his shoulder, your dress hiking up around your hips in the process. You lean back against the door for support as his tongue makes contact through the thin fabric. It’s another tease, a Jungkook specialty, and you find you don’t much care. Thankfully, he quickly moves the fabric to the side. The movements of his tongue, fast and slow and fast again, are perfect. Your brain goes blank, just the kind of blank you need. No thoughts except for his tongue on you and the bliss of it. Even the thud of the bass out in the club dulls to background noise. Every one of your senses is present in this moment in a way you haven’t been lately.

His movements quicken and you knot your hands in his hair both to find purchase and to let him know that you’re close. Not that it’s hard to tell by the increase in your moans. He knows what he’s doing and he knows that he’s got you on the edge. You want to tell him that you want to feel him inside you and can’t make yourself speak the words. A second later it doesn’t matter. He slides one finger in, then quickly adds another and your brain goes fuzzy.

He pushes you over the edge too fast, you want to savor more of this moment, more of him. You register that somewhere in your bliss coming down from the orgasm. You need more of him, more contact, more of whatever it is that makes your brain go quiet. You’re catching your breath and refocusing when you notice his pants down around his ankles. Did he get that hard just from getting you off? He’s already pulling a condom on and you’re almost relieved.

“You didn’t think I was done with you yet, did you?” His confidence drips off of him when he’s like this and you wish you were the kind of girl who had something witty to say back. You wish, at least now, that he didn’t affect you like this.

Instead, all you do is shake your head at him. You don’t trust yourself to speak and he doesn’t seem to mind. In one movement, he puts his hands on the back of your thighs and picks you up, still keeping you pressed against the door. The next second, he’s slowly sliding into you, letting you adjust. It’s the only break he gives you before setting a fast pace. Your legs tighten around him and your nails dig into his back. You’re sure they would leave a mark if he didn’t have a shirt on. Part of you hopes maybe they still will.

One of the best parts about Jungkook is that he doesn’t ever need to ask what you want, he just seems to know. He knows what you like and when you want something faster like this or when to take his time. It’s like he’s mapped your body with the way he’s able to hit just the right spots in just the right way.

Your head rolls back against the door, eyes closed and brain numb. Even then, he manages to bring you back to him, kissing up your neck until you meet his lips. The kiss is messy, capturing each of your moans as they escape. Jungkook’s grip on your thighs is as strong as the pace he’s setting and it isn’t long before you’re falling over the edge again.

A pleasant daze settles over you as you do your best to look presentable so that you can leave the club. (You don’t succeed and you definitely look just fucked, but the club is in full swing and the only people who might be able to tell are the poor workers that have to stay sober).

“Do you want to come back to my apartment?” Jungkook asks the question, one hand gripping yours while the other pulls up Uber on his phone to order a ride home.

And it’s kind of funny, how he asks like he doesn’t know the answer. In the time you’ve known him, Jungkook has been a lot of things, but he’s always been confident above all else. So it catches you off guard that he asks.

“As long as it’s okay with you,” you say and he smiles that easy smile.

“Of course,” he says.

You can’t really place the feeling that settles over you at such a small exchange, everything is crowded with the lingering effects of alcohol and sex. But something feels different and you think you like it. Almost like a part of you is waking up.

The next few weeks pass in somewhat of a blur. You’re happier than you can remember feeling in a while, much more fulfilled in all aspects of your life. Despite some reservations that your therapist has, you agree to start seeing her every other week unless something changes. You’re hoping to drop it back down to once a month but understand her hesitance to make such a big change so quickly. It would be a shame to ruin all that forward progress, after all.

Most of your free time is spent with Jungkook, a fact that your best friends are quick to point out with some version of the same cautionary advice. They want you to be careful, want you to remember your history with him, don’t want you to get ahead of yourself. It seems like they just don’t understand. Yeah, you and Jungkook have been here before, multiple times, but this is different and they just haven’t seen that.

Every other time led up to this. It took a relationship falling apart for you to realize that none of the other times with Jungkook were failures, they were just your “right person, wrong time” moments. Now the timing is right for both of you.

You knock on the door to his apartment, surprise take out in one hand, realizing belatedly that maybe you should have given him a warning of some sort. What if he was busy or had already eaten?

“Oh hey, what a nice surprise,” Jungkook answers with a smile as he steps aside to let you in.

Suddenly, you feel kind of silly for the momentary worry that showing up like this would be too much. Jungkook seems like he meets you at each point, so this shouldn’t be any different. It also helps that you’ve known each other for years and you know the way to his heart (through his stomach with only his favorite foods).

The whole thing feels surprisingly normal in a way you weren’t expecting. Jungkook makes small talk as he gets plates from the kitchen and sets them down for you to eat. He offers you a drink from the fridge, gets one for himself, and it’s just…easy. The whole thing with him is easy and you’re so thankful that you took this chance. As it turns out, he’s exactly what you need. Maybe he’s even the reason your last relationship ended the way it did. Not that you would ever say that. For all his outward strength and his image, Jungkook can be surprisingly sensitive. The last thing you’d want would be him feeling responsible for causing other people pain.

You’re not really sure why you do it, but you mention that your friends have a lot of warnings about the relationship. In what should be typical Jungkook fashion, he brushes it, reassures you that you know what’s happening and that’s all that matters. It doesn’t matter what your friends think because you’re both happy and living in the moment. You smile at that. This is definitely the best kind of happy.

Once you’ve gotten plates of food, you settle down together and Jungkook pulls up Netflix. He’s got a whole list of movies and shows that you can pick from, all things he wants to see or thinks you’d like, he tells you. And that’s sweet, isn’t it? That he sees something on Netflix and saves it in case you want to watch it together. It makes your heart constrict a little bit. It doesn’t feel like something you do with someone who’s only casual. Surely his thinking about you, when you aren’t around, is a positive sign.

You sigh happily and let him decide what it is he wants to watch. Not that the two of you ever really finish anything. It’s the thought that counts though. And Jungkook seems to be thinking of you. For a second you wonder if this is just the list he’s created for anyone he has over, you haven’t talked about seeing other people. Until you realize that most of them are thrillers. It’s your favorite genre but probably not good for generally inviting girls over. You really need to stop second-guessing everything with him.

Another few weeks go by as easily as breathing and that small part of you that’s waiting for the other shoe to drop gets even quieter. You’re not even thinking that this feels different anymore because it is different. Instead of late-night (or really any odd hour of the day) texts, you’re making actual plans on when you’re going to see each other. It doesn’t feel like a fuck buddy, it feels like someone you’re moving along with in a different way. There’s a lightness to every space of your life now, a lightness that looks a lot like Jungkook.

Of all the things Jungkook is good at, and there’s a lot, because he’s hyper-competitive and doesn’t like losing, cooking is decidedly not one. That suits you just fine, though. Cooking is an absolute favorite of yours and cooking for someone you care about makes it all that much better. It had taken a little more convincing for Jungkook agree to you coming over and cook for him, he didn’t want to be a bother, but you were glad to be here now.

“I know this isn’t really what we do, but I have a family wedding to go to, for my cousin, and I was wondering if you’d come with me? It’s kind of last minute, I know. I just wasn’t expecting to have to go alone,” you say and Jungkook puts down his fork. You’re nervous again and you’re not quite sure why.

“Sure, why not?” Jungkook says easily.

“Really?” The question is out before you can stop it.

“I like spending time with you,” Jungkook says, “we have fun.”

“We do, yeah,” you agree. “It’s just…it’s like 2 hours away, so I got a room. And you’d obviously need a suit.”

“This may come as a surprise, but I have been to a wedding or two before, so I have plenty of suits. And what kind of idiot would I be to turn down an overnight date with you?” Jungkook is smiling as he says this and it puts you at ease.

“It’s in 2 weeks, which is really soon,” you say. Jungkook pulls out his phone.

“Friday or Saturday wedding?” He’s looking through his calendar to see what he’s got going on.

“Saturday,” you say and he puts his phone down.

“That’s fine, I’ve got something going on Friday, but Saturday and Sunday are all yours,” Jungkook says.

Easy. Everything is just easy. You weren’t even really thinking of asking him to come to the wedding when you decided to cook for him. It just seemed like the right timing to ask and your cousin had just texted you that afternoon asking if she should change the seating chart. Although she said it wasn’t a big deal, you know she’s secretly going to be relieved to not change anything.

Not planning things also really is your motto these days. You weren’t planning to stay over at Jungkook’s when you offered to cook. Yet you wake up in his bed the next morning all the same, like it was a foregone conclusion the second you stepped over the threshold.

You figure now that Jungkook is coming with you to a family wedding as your date, that your friends will get off of your back about him. And most of them do. It’s been over two months of seeing him, which makes it feel more stable. Mostly, they’re happy if you’re happy and know you’re enough of an adult to handle your own life. Most days, at least. It’s just one of your closest friends that’s holding out. Not that he doesn’t like Jungkook, because he does, he’s just also been friends with you since you were kids and he’s seen how this has gone.

“It’s different, Jimin,” you say for what feels like the hundredth time.

“Have you had The Talk?” He doesn’t put quotes around it, but you can hear them in his tone anyway.

“No, we haven’t had The Talk,” you say, matching his tone. “We’re both adults, like actual adults, I don’t think it’s necessary.”

“This time around with him started with you cheating on your ex,” Jimin says in a not-so-subtle reminder. If it were anyone else, you would leave.

“Thanks, I remember,” you bite back.

“I love you, you know that. I just want to make absolutely sure you’re not going to get hurt with this. I need to know he’s in this as much as you are,” Jimin says.

“Can you ever really know that?” The question seems valid enough.

“No, everything in relationships is a calculated risk. But it’s on you to make sure you have all the numbers before doing the calculations,” Jimin says.

“Meaning?” You think you know what he means, but it’s best to be sure.

“Meaning,” Jimin says with faux exasperation, “that the talk will let you know where he stands and allow you to be on the same page. He could lie, but then that’s on him if you get hurt. If you get hurt now, when you haven’t had the talk, that’s on you.”

“Little harsh, Jiminie,” you say, using the nickname to try and soften him.

It doesn’t work and he just shrugs. “We’ve done this song and dance a few times, maybe too many times. I just don’t want to see this end badly.”

“Then have a little faith, he is coming to a family wedding,” you say.

“And some of the way the conversation went makes me a little uneasy,” Jimin admits.

“Just have some faith. This time is different, I can feel it,” you say.

There’s a lot more than Jimin wants to say, a lot more he wants you to hear. But he’s also known you for years and seen you through every one of the Jungkook phases. People change all the time, he knows that. As people grow, the things they want or need evolve. Until you have an actual chat with him, though, Jimin is not ready to say this time will be different. It’s silly because he also knows that you’re going to do what you want, you always have. Not in a bad way, you’re just very stubborn when it comes to listening to advice. All he can do is hope for the best and be there if you need a shoulder. He tries not to think when you need a shoulder. As much as he likes being right, he likes you a whole lot more and he wants this to work.

The wedding goes well, great even. Jungkook is a hot topic of conversation, with a number of your family members gushing over how attractive he is and how good you look together. It gives you a small amount of pride to hear it too, even if it shouldn’t. It’s also good to have someone to retreat to when your family gets overwhelming. The added benefit of them not knowing him is that you both can slip out of conversations much easier. He’s never met anyone in your family and they don’t have as many questions for him. You also did an excellent job of establishing that you and him are very early on in the relationship, so questions about getting more serious are off the table.

Staying in a hotel with Jungkook is also a much better experience than you thought. You’ve stayed at each other’s places countless times over the years, but you’ve never gone away somewhere together. Even though it’s only a few hours from home, everything feels different. Everything feels more intimate.  And there’s something to be said for hotel sex too. Everything is new and more exciting.

You reach out to Jimin the day after you get back to let him know how things went. And you’re a little surprised by his response. Instead of being excited for you that it’s going so well, he asks again if you’ve talked to Jungkook about where you are and where you’re going. It’s kind of a buzzkill and you’re quick to tell him so. But Jimin is stubborn too.

Jimin: I love you, you’re my best friend in the entire world, but I’m scared you’re going to end up hurt Jimin: I’ll be here to celebrate once you talk to him and I’ll say sorry when it’s all cleared up, but until then, I can’t fully support it

That hurts. It’s like he doesn’t realize that in not wanting Jungkook to hurt you, he’s hurting you instead. You shake that thought off as quickly as it comes, though. It’s not his intention to hurt you and somewhere deep down, you know he’s making sense. Jimin has been your go-to person for everything in your life since a matter of months into the friendship. The two of you were able to click in a way you haven’t really experienced with anyone else. So yeah, maybe, on some level, you get where he’s coming from and maybe you’ll understand later. Not right now, though. Right now you’re just hurt and a little angry at your best friend for not supporting you the way you want him to.

(Jimin, to his credit, does think he’s supporting you. It may not be in the way you want him to and you may not see it, but it’s the way he needs to support you. There’s a moment where he thinks that he’s the friend you deserve, just not the one you need right now. So he’ll let you be mad at him as long as you need to. Or maybe he’s been watching Dark Knight too much lately.)

This is where you know you’re not always the best at being an adult. Whether Jimin is right or not becomes irrelevant because you’re more concerned with not letting him win. It’s like he tells you something and you have to do the opposite, just because. Which, really, that’s probably something you need to address in therapy. It’s probably not a healthy approach, but it’s where you’re at for now.

Things feel…a little different. Not good different, either. At first, you were positive that it was just the lingering effects of Jimin being Jimin. Even when he’s not speaking to you, since this is not the first time he’s done this, he’s very loud. But days go by and the pit in your stomach only gets deeper. You can’t separate your own thoughts and anxieties to see if anything with Jungkook is actually different.

When you stop to think about it, though, everything with Jungkook should be different. It’s been around three months now. Three months of you spending a truly absurd amount of time together. Three months of movie nights in, dinners out, random trips to the park. Three months of ending up in each other’s bed every time you went over. Three months of you not seeing anyone else. Was he seeing other people, though? Surely not. Would there really even be time?

But…

That nasty word coming up to haunt you again. But, could you really make any assumptions where another person was involved? After all, your ex had no reason to think anything was wrong with you, no reason to think the relationship was coming to a screeching halt. Yet, it did. It did because you stopped talking to him. Well, you didn’t stop talking to him, you said a lot of words. You just didn’t say any of the ones that actually mattered.

It’s impossible to keep the last conversation with Jimin off your mind. You will never tell him he was right, but you’re also constantly wondering if it’s time for that talk. Lately it’s been taking Jungkook longer to do everything. Longer to text you back, longer in between seeing each other, longer to come out of his phone if he checks it while you’re hanging out (something he never used to do).

And, okay, from the outside, you know how any of those things look. It’s just, you’re still really happy and you’re not really looking to give that up. You think that maybe what’s best, for now, is just to take a slight step back, not be the one to reach out to him and make plans. Either he’ll make plans with you or you will have the final push to have a conversation you should have had weeks ago. (Really, you should’ve had this conversation before you blew up your life, but who’s counting?)

Jungkook: hey, things have been kinda crazy with work, but can i see you tonight?

Which answers that, doesn’t it? You ignore your smarter thoughts, most of which are driven by Jimin’s words playing on repeat, and answer quicker than you should. Even though you offer to stop on your way to pick food up, Jungkook says he’s already picking something up and to just meet him at the apartment.

It’s all different now. Before, when things were only happy, you’d be excited that he knew you well enough to pick up takeaway for the both of you. Now, you wonder if he really has been busy with work. There’s something about the text that implies something’s shifted. You hate it and you want to just go back to before. Maybe tonight will be the perfect chance for that.

It’s not.

The silences are awkward and what’s worse is that you can’t tell if Jungkook feels awkward about it as well, or if it’s just you. Actually, what’s worse is you don’t know which you’d prefer. Then there’s this weird space between you while you’re watching a movie. It’s like you’re not really close enough to cuddle and you’re not really far enough away for it to be a normal, friend-sized space between you. It’s just this awkward limbo and you’re trying really hard not to overthink the space being a metaphor for where the two of you are in this weird relationship.

Jungkook is on his phone a lot throughout the movie too, which only worsens the way you feel. He says he’s still got a lot going on at work, that they’re in very real danger of missing deadlines and he’s so sorry. The rational part of you really wants to let it be that. The louder part of you, the one you know is irrational, can’t leave it alone. At least internally. You know you can’t say anything out loud and have it come across right. Your internal monologue is another story, though.

But, that’s the thing, isn’t it? You made a lot of assumptions about where you were with Jungkook, about what the two of you were doing, about it being a relationship. The reality is you’ve been fucking regularly for months now and haven’t bothered to define things. It was perfect at the beginning, when Jungkook insisted that the two of you knew what was happening and what other people thought didn’t matter. It made you feel like it was you against everyone else. Which should’ve been a clue. A relationship should never put you against the people outside of it. A healthy relationship should be able to integrate into your regular life.

You don’t stay over at his place that night. Jungkook offers and even makes it seem like he wants you to. You might even believe him if he didn’t mention getting up early for work and checking his phone. That annoying voice in the back of your head is shouting danger, danger, danger. The ugly thoughts wonder if he actually wants you to stay at all or if he just doesn’t want to be the bad guy for sending you home.

He gives you a kiss in the doorway and you’re on your way out. The last little bit of positivity in the back of your mind is hoping he’ll change his mind, that he’ll come rushing out and say he’s been stupid. Of course he wants you to stay and of course it’s worth it being tired at work tomorrow because he’s missed you, things have been off, and he wants to make sure he fixes them.

But, he doesn’t do any of those things. The doubts firmly take hold of your brain.

The next day, you’re still thinking over what you want to do when you get an unexpected text from him. He’s got a function after work, the kind of thing where you have to go to a bar and pretend you want to be socializing with coworkers off the clock, but it’s okay because the boss usually buys a few rounds. It’s the kind of thing someone might ask their partner to come to, so they’re not so bored.

Jungkook’s message is clear. He wants to see you. After he’s done with the work function, which he warns might not be until later. So he understands if it’s too late for you to come over since it is still during the week and you have to work tomorrow. He seems genuinely excited when you say you’ll definitely still come over and your heart constricts for a second.

You need to set your phone aside, just for a second, just long enough to let your heart settle back down, because you’ve made up your mind. It’s time (past time, honestly) that you have a real conversation with Jungkook. This last exchange proves it. You’re back to being the girl he calls up after a night out at the bar, the booty call for sex. Admittedly, it is the best sex you’ve ever had, but that’s not the point. For a bit, you were the girl that he made plans with. And, yeah, he’s asking you before he goes to the bar if you’ll be there after. But, the fact is, it’s still same day and it’s not really anything more than a hook-up text.

The text from Jungkook letting you know he’s heading home comes and you take a couple shots to give yourself the confidence to go through with The Talk. You weren’t planning on driving anyway. No matter how this goes, you’re not planning to head home afterwards so having your car seems more inconvenient than anything.

Apparently, Jungkook only beats you there by a few minutes, which might’ve bothered you in any other situation. The way he says it sounds accusatory in your mind. All you can see now is talking before you lose the little bit of liquid courage you have.

“Do you want to watch a movie or do you just want to…” Jungkook asks, trailing off suggestively.

That pit in the bottom of your stomach worsens. The unfinished question hangs between you like a glaring sign saying he just wants to fuck you. It all just feels really cheap and like another waste of your time. Just another in a long line of mistakes. Only one way to find out, though, and so you take a deep breath and dive in.

“Actually, I kind of wanted to talk to you,” you say and that brings him up short.

“About what?” Jungkook asks.

He seems defensive. It’s all wrong. Something in you had been holding out hope that this would go exactly the way you wanted it to. That hope gets harder to hold onto.

“Just…this, us,” you say, hating how you sound so unsure.

“Us?” Jungkook asks and somehow that makes you angrier. Is he being fucking stupid on purpose?

“Yeah, Jungkook, us,” you say with more bite than you intended. “We’ve been doing this dance for, what, like 3 or 4 months? What are we doing, exactly?”

Jungkook’s confused. He gets this look on his face sometimes, like he’s trying to work out a really complex calculus problem and just can’t make things make sense. It makes him look younger, more innocent. It makes you want to protect him. But you can’t afford to think that way, and he doesn’t need to be protected.

“We’re just, I don’t know, we’re hanging out. We’ve been having fun, you know, everything is just easy, which is nice,” Jungkook says.

“Just hanging out and having fun? What, are we back in college?” Your voice raises an octave because, despite all your planning, you really aren’t ready for this.

“I’m not really sure what’s happening here,” Jungkook admits.

“I’m just confused,” you admit in return. “Like we’re always together, we go out on dates. You came with me to a family wedding for fuck’s sake.”

“Yeah, because I like hanging out with you and the wedding seemed important to you,” Jungkook says.

“It was important but still, what is this?”

Jungkook really still looks helpless and you’re constantly reminding yourself not to take care of him. It’s not what either of you needs. “Why does it have to be something defined? Why does there have to be this big deal?”

“Because we’re grown now, because I can’t keep blowing up my life for…” you start, but cut yourself off, quickly closing your mouth again.

“No, blowing your life up for what? For me?” Jungkook asks and you look away, unable to see him looking at you like that. “I never asked you to blow up your life for me.”

“You didn’t exactly turn me away that night either. You knew I was in a relationship,” you say and he scoffs.

“Yeah, I did know. But last time I checked, it’s not my responsibility to make sure you don’t cheat on your partner. I wasn’t the one in a relationship,” Jungkook says.

“No, because you’re never in a relationship, you’re always just having fun,” you say, voice dripping with disdain.

“And what’s so wrong with that? I’ve never been anything but honest about exactly who I am and what I want,” Jungkook says.

“People change all the time! Excuse me for thinking you’d grow the fuck up and realize actually being with someone isn’t that bad,” you say and Jungkook rolls his eyes again.

“What do you think I’ve been doing? I know being with someone isn’t bad. We’ve been having a great time for months until whatever the fuck this is,” Jungkook says.

“And how many other girls have you been having a good time with at the same time?” The question is out before you can even figure out if you want to ask it.

Opposite you, Jungkook rolls his lips together, like he’s trying to give himself a minute before answering. He can have a short temper at times.

“I’m not really sure why the answer to that question matters,” Jungkook says and you shake your head.

“I should’ve known,” you say.

“None though, for the record. Like I told you, I’ve been busy at work. So, I’m either there, working out, playing video games, or with you,” he says and you come up short.

“What?”

“Don’t take that the wrong way,” Jungkook says quickly. “I haven’t fucked anyone else in months, and I haven’t wanted to either. I’ve been having a great time with you. But, that also doesn’t mean this is something more than it is.”

“Meaning?” The balloon of hope pops just as quickly as it formed and you’re feeling even worse than before.

“Meaning,” Jungkook starts. “I don’t want…this. I don’t want to be fighting with you about some bullshit definition of what we are or where we’re headed. I like you, I do. But my answers to those still haven’t changed from the first time we hooked up 7 years ago. I don’t want that super committed relationship with expectations and check-ins and eventually marriage. I don’t want a house and kids and a white picket fence so the dog doesn’t get out.”

“You make it sound like a death sentence,” you say, completely deflated.

“I don’t mean to, it’s just not for me. It’s not what I’ve ever wanted and I’ve never kept that a secret,” Jungkook says. “I mean, I don’t know, maybe it is like a death sentence for me.”

“It feels like a slap in the face,” you admit and Jungkook bristles at that.

“Why? Because I don’t want the same things as you?”

You struggle to find the right words because that’s not what you meant. “Because you must have known it’s what I wanted and yet we still kept going.”

“I guess I figured you heard me when I said, over and over again, that it wasn’t what I wanted,” Jungkook says. “I figured you heard me and you could make your decisions on what you wanted.”

“It just seemed like…” you start and frown. “We’re always together, it felt like more.”

“So you just assumed that it was something more without even asking me about it?” Jungkook asks and gets a glare in response.

“Okay, that’s a little extreme,” you say.

“Is it? I can see it. You’re mad at me, which I get, kind of,” Jungkook admits. “But also, I don’t get it? Because none of this had to happen. If you’d talked to me instead of building it all up in your head…”

“Wow, that was kind of a dick move,” you retort and he shakes his head.

“Or is it a dick move to create a whole relationship in your head and then make me the bad guy for not being on the same page?”

That brings you up short again. Does he have a point? Is that what you’ve been doing all this time?

“I do actually care about you,” Jungkook says. “I know that may be hard to believe, but I do. It’s also really fucked up to create a whole world in your head and then turn me into the bad guy for not being on the same page. I always said we were having fun, that it didn’t matter what friends thought, that we’re just going a day at a time.”

“Because you knew, Jungkook, you had to,” you say. He furrows his eyebrows at you. “You’ve always said things like that and for what? What reason do you have to constantly remind me what this is if you don’t think there’s confusion?”

“Once again, it is not my job to force a conversation you may want to have. Weren’t you just saying we’re not still in college? That goes both ways,” Jungkook says.

Round and round and round in circles you and Jungkook go. You’re mad at him for something that he may not even be able to control, something that you’ve always known about him. And you’re mad that he’s known you probably weren’t on the same page for a while. He’s mad that you’ve had so many of these conversations in your head or with friends without cluing him in. He’s mad that he feels like the bad guy.

The whole fight feels pointless, honestly. You both are mad at the other and maybe you both have a reason to be annoyed. Maybe he has a point and maybe you need to take a step back to examine some of the decisions that you’ve made too. Maybe he’s not the only one bringing this house of cards crashing to the floor.

And maybe that’s not something you want to deal with tonight.

The rational part of your brain knows you should leave and call an Uber straight to Jimin’s apartment. That same part knows that even if he has someone over, he’ll drop everything to make sure you’re okay. He won’t even start the I told you so until tomorrow. Because Jimin can be a giant pain in the ass when he wants to, but he’s got the biggest heart in the world. Going to Jimin’s is absolutely the right decision.

That’s why you call an Uber and head to the bar.

After a few drinks, the empty seat next to you is taken by a stranger with fluffy hair and an easy smile. Despite your protests, he takes over your tab so that you can keep drinking. It’s a bad idea, you know it’s a bad idea, and you don’t really care. You don’t really have any room for good ideas right now.

For his part, he actually seems like a decent guy, if you were sober and present enough to notice. He tells you his name, his job, about his friends. You think he even mentions movies he likes. Nothing about it feels like the normal situation at a bar. Then again, it’s a Wednesday night, not exactly prime time to be out picking someone up.

The next morning, you wake up in a too bright room in an unfamiliar bed and immediately start piecing things together. The conversation with Jungkook and your subsequent decision to get completely shit-faced come rushing back. A sense of shame washes over you. This is the part where some attractive guy, usually one you somehow know, walks into the bedroom, maybe wearing just a towel, and you realize what you did.

Except this isn’t a movie, thankfully, and somehow you’re actually clothed in the bed. You’re in an oversized t-shirt and gym shorts, but you also still have your bra and underwear on. Likely a sign that nothing happened beyond you getting embarrassingly drunk last night. Actually, looking around the room, it looks more like a guest bedroom than the master. Did you actually manage to find a decent guy when you were hellbent on making bad decisions?

You aren’t really in the mood to figure any of it out. Your clothes are folded up beside the bed and, when you get up, you hear the shower running. It’s the perfect time to leave without having to have an awkward conversation. And since you were at your quota for those, you grab your phone from beside the table and slip out, thankfully unseen.

First up, your text thread with Jimin. Which is a mistake, of course you had texted him and of course it was barely coherent. But bless Jimin, honestly, because you see he had taken care of calling you out of work. Actually, bless him for having all your passwords and being able to sign into your email to send the message. You know part of him calling you out is also so that he can carry out his Jimin-approved therapy, but you’ll take it. You’ll even take him telling you he was right.

In a slightly uncharacteristic move, Jimin is waiting outside your door when the Uber drops you off. He’s already been shopping for the essentials and he’s got his arms open for you to collapse into him before even crossing the threshold into the apartment. There’s nothing on his face except for care and concern, which really isn’t surprising. His beating you to your own apartment may be surprising, but him being the best friend you’ve ever had isn’t.

Everything kind of pours out of you at once when you and Jimin sit down on your couch, the tears, the self-loathing, the anger, the confusion, the pain. So much pain. Pain over your ex, pain over Jungkook, pain over past shit that you really thought you were over. It’s like the past months with Jungkook were just a bandaid, putting off the day you would eventually feel everything. There’s no putting it off anymore though. Now you’re in it and you’re so thankful for a friend like Jimin to hold your hand.

He’s surprisingly quiet throughout the whole thing. He listens to your thoughts, comforts you during the gaps in speaking, makes sure you have snacks and something to drink, keeps music playing quietly in the background because he knows you hate the silence. He asks questions that are gentle, nothing too heavy or accusatory. The only time he gets firm is when you cry about not deserving a friend like him.

“Yeah, you can be an asshole sometimes, but don’t ever let me catch you talking that way about yourself,” Jimin says, unmoving. “You’re human and we all make mistakes. We learn and we move forward. I won’t let you be mean to yourself, though. That’s what you don’t deserve.”

Once you feel like you’ve said everything that you could possibly say, Jimin informs you that you’re taking tomorrow off as well and that he’ll be staying over. Just like when you were in college. The order for the night was trashy TV and junk food and no wine for you because you’re still hungover and no talking about feelings at all. You can pick all that up again tomorrow, but tonight is about giving your brain a break.

It takes much longer than you expect to really come to terms with what happened between you and Jungkook. You haven’t seen him since you walked out the door. In fact, you hadn’t even texted him until reaching out yesterday to see if he was willing to meet up. It wasn’t to work through things, though, as much as it was for you to heal. And hopefully for him to heal as well.

The past few months have been some of the scariest and most rewarding of your life. You’ve never really been alone, separate from a partner. You’ve gone from one relationship to the next for as long as you could remember and ignored anyone suggesting to take time nearly as long. The fight with Jungkook had been a wake-up call, an unwelcome one at the time, but one that you can now see the value in. It forced you to really look at yourself, at your choices, at everything that led you to that moment, to learn what you actually wanted.

And you don’t really know what you want, but you think it’s somewhere between your ex and Jungkook. Yes, you want something stable and comfortable, someone that you know and that you can rely on. At the same time, you want someone that will challenge you, excite you, keep you on your toes. It was unfair of you to put all that onto Jungkook. Whatever mistakes he may have also made, you want to own yours. Part of you knew that he was never going to be what you needed him to be and rushed forward head first anyway.

Everything led you to this point now, where you wait for Jungkook to show up. He had replied quicker than you expected and seemed happy to meet, despite you being clear on needing to talk to him. Maybe there were things he needed to say too.

The tinkling of the bell over the door catches your attention and you watch Jungkook walk through the doors, somehow exactly the same. It’s only been a few months, you remind yourself, not like he could change entirely.

The next part feels awkward, how do you greet him? You stand, considering what to do, when he saves you the trouble and goes in to give you a quick hug. Nothing too serious and also nothing too formal.

“Thanks for meeting me,” you say and he smiles.

“Of course,” he says. “I’ve been thinking about everything that happened too, honestly, so it felt like a good time.”

And just like that, it’s easy to talk. Really talk. Jungkook lets you go first and you lay out everything you’ve learned over the past couple months. He lets you make your apologies and makes his own. You’re able to take ownership of the mistakes you make, because you really understand them after months working through your shit, and feel like he’s forgiven you for how you handled things. You know that you can never fully expect to get closure in life, but this feels close. It feels like you can actually close the door on a chapter to move forward.

Apparently he’s been doing a lot of work on himself too. He admits to knowing that you were in deeper than he was and letting it go on anyway, something he’s not proud of and something he hopes you’ll forgive. He’s not there yet but he’s working on better communication, letting partners know what he can give and what he can’t. He’s trying to figure out what it is he actually wants and what he doesn’t. Even though you don’t need him to say it, he also wants you to know that, as cliche as it sounds, it wasn’t you. Not entirely at least. He got so caught up in how good the physical side of things was that he didn’t consider how you were both hurting each other.

Neither one of you is really sure how to leave things. Part of you, and you can see part of him too, wants to ask if there’s a way to move forward as friends. He’s been part of your life on and off for the past 7 years, since meeting when you were only 18 years old. You take the plunge, though, and say that he’s always going to have a place in your heart. You’re just not sure he can have a place in your life, at least not now. There’s a moment of relief on his face. Like he’s happy you were the one to make the call because he isn’t sure he could. He really does have a lot of work to do, he says.

“Do you know him?” Jungkook asks as the conversation is naturally winding down.

You turn your head to follow his eyes on a man wearing dress pants and a nice shirt. He seems caught up in whatever he’s reading on his laptop, slightly shaggy hair slipping into his eyes. You’re about to say no when he looks up and meets your eyes. There’s something…familiar about him. Like you know him from somewhere that you’ve forgotten. Almost like the memory is hazy and you can’t fully grasp it. He smiles, a really nice smile, and then looks back down at his laptop.

“I don’t think so,” you finally answer.

“He keeps looking over here,” Jungkook comments. You look for any sign of anything negative on his face, but it isn’t there.

“Yeah, I don’t know, if I do know him, I can’t figure out from where,” you admit.

“Maybe you should say hi,” he says and you just smile.

“With you here?” you ask.

Jungkook smiles with a shake of his head. He’s standing up the next second. “I actually have to go to an appointment with my therapist.”

“I’m proud of you,” you say and stand as well to give him another hug. Slightly less awkward this time.

“I’m proud of you too, proud of us, really,” he says.

“Take care, Jungkook,” you say.

“You too,” he answers with a smile.

Just like that, he’s heading out the door. He looks back once to smile at you and you wave. You’re wondering if that’s the last time you’ll see him. Maybe it is and maybe that’s exactly how it should be. Things feel better now, easier. There’s no lingering doubts and even though you know you still have a ways to go, you think that you can really do it this time.

But before you can retreat further into your own head, a voice breaks through your thoughts.

“This seat still taken?”

You look up to find the man that Jungkook asked about moments earlier and that’s when it clicks. Yes, you do know him and you finally remember from where. The world certainly works in mysterious ways.

i hope you liked it, it was definitely a ride writing it <3

[sophie-frm-mars]

Hi, ex-supporter here. Genuinely hope you’re doing well. I have been tempted to start up my support again because you genuinely are a talented writer/creator and I do enjoy your work.

I hope you understand supporting your Patreon is somewhat fraught. Your private life should be none of our business, but sadly it is relevant here. Moral action, both private and political is central to your work; you have called out plenty of people for abuse & morality drives your politics. We know abuse took place on your end, but that’s all.

A lot of people like myself might be emotionally rooting for you to bounce back from this, but are unable to support you right now because that moral dissonance has not been resolved. We really don’t know if you are like other ‘cancelled’ leftist influencers and just use leftist values to deflect attention away from abuse, or you are actually trying to do better and working on yourself.

You don’t owe us anything. However, many of us who are eager to support you are forced to hold back because trust has been damaged, and there has not been any real sign of reparation or reconciliation. Maybe you think those kind of questions are invasive, maybe you don’t think we are real fans for not sticking by you despite the allegations.

I don’t know, I just want you to know that there are plenty of people who do want to support you, but feel they need to trust you first. And that can’t happen without addressing some things.

Anyways, best wishes. Take care.

Hiya, thank you for speaking to me on this.

Before I say the rest of what I say I want to be clear that between me and the people I was involved with in 2023, there were some instances where I was responsible for harm, there were instances where I received harm and there was also a general pervasive ecosystem of harmful behaviours in the community I was in. This includes people who signed the statement against me, and in one instance one of them did something which everyone to whom I have described it has agreed is sexual assault, though there is more besides.

For the time being I'm not talking publicly more about what happened because it was a very messy situation, and although I have been seriously harmed by issues in my personal life being litigated in public in this way, I don't want to give my full account of my relationships with everyone involved because I don't want that type of harm to be done to other trans women. There are plenty of complicating factors as there often are in real life that social media isn't really capable of parsing. I have made it clear repeatedly that I am open to hearing anything that people involved want to say to me, and I talked in this post in January about that and about what I would be doing to ensure that I put in the work and make sure I don't cause harm like it again

https://x.com/sophie_frm_mars/status/1745414530455261531

I think that that post says everything I would like to say for now, although I regret saying I agree that my behaviour was abusive, because with more distance and perspective I don't think abusive behaviour was actually described to me.

As I understand it via the support that my therapist and friends have offered, my problems in 2023 were that: I wasn't taking my mental health seriously, I didn't learn good kink practice, I had very little appreciation of my own boundaries and when I shouldn't be doing something that someone asks me to do, and I was high basically all the time. I am in therapy and doing DBT and taking my mental health deadly seriously, I have done a huge amount of reading assigned by my therapist about kink, sex, relationships and mental health, I am working in an ongoing way on learning how to effectively communicate, know my boundaries and understand myself well enough to not be in the kinds of situations that risk harm, and I'm no longer high all the time.

(If anyone is interested in those book recs, so far I've read: Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again by Katherine Angel; The Right To Sex by Amia Srinivasan; Screw Consent (I hate this edgy title) by Joseph Fischel; Playing Well With Others; The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren; I Hope We Choose Love by Kai Cheng Thom; The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W Hardy; and Dissociation Made Simple by Jamie Marich. There have been some others, and I've written a bit about them in the book club channel on my discord as I've been reading)

I haven't heard from the people involved. The last I heard from anyone was one of my exes calling me a pathological liar and saying that they just want to move on with their lives, so while I'm doing the work to make sure I act better in future I am just trying to get on with my life and let them get on with theirs. I hope this clarifies why I have not talked further about the situation.

I will say that the last few months have been hellish for me. I have been frequently suicidal, I spent Christmas and new years alone, I lost a tooth because I couldn't afford proper dental treatment, people from within the community I've been ostracised from have been putting pressure on my remaining friends to cut ties with me, Keffals had my abuser on her twitch stream, a bizarre exaggerated and monsterised version of my personal life has been publicly gossiped about by trans people, fash and "leftist" drama streamers alike, I have been doing other work to make sure I can still pay rent and afford my bills and my HRT, and to survive. As I've been getting more stable and more able to focus on things besides this, I've been working on new writing because all I want with regard to my work and my channel is for my writing to help people. I don't want to talk about my private life, but I do understand that some number of people will feel after what has been said about me that they can't move forward with me without hearing the full details. Lots of people in my life have repeatedly encouraged me to publish a full account of everything that happened but I know how the Internet works and I don't want other trans women to be harmed in the ways that I have been harmed.

[nayatarot777]

how do people view you in public?

• pile one •

cards: 2 of wands, 4 of cups, 3 of cups, {8 of cups at bottom of the deck}

overall, the public could view you as someone who is difficult to reach in some way. although you may be seen with your friends having a good time in certain places, there’s still a prickly energy to you. it’s subtle but it’s there. like you don’t actually want to interact with or care about the external world outside of yourself and your friends. you seem to be purposefully disconnected from people who you don’t know, but clearly having a good time with the people who you do (when you are around others). there’s an energy of exclusivity coming from you in public. like it’s hard to get into your energetic field. you’re very choosy with who you give energy to, but the people who you do give energy to clearly are blessed to have you around.

you also don’t seem like the type of person who wants to follow a group of people. you could stand out in some way, even if you’re in a group of your own friends. i keep on hearing that you seem decisive over and over again. this could be perceived by the way that you look, the way that you walk, speak, etc. the public assume that you like to be left alone to be in your own world, doing what you need to do throughout your day.

if you’d like a private reading, please check out my pinned post ☺️💞

• pile two •

cards: 7 of wands, 3 of cups, the lovers, {7 of cups at the bottom of the deck}

the first thing that i’m picking up on is that you’re viewed as someone who is very defensive of their friends/whoever you’re out with. defensive and protective. i’m seeing you staring down or calling out someone who’s being visibly creepy or disrespectful to your friend/loved one. no fucks given. you seem to look like the type of person who’s willing to fight to protect and defend the people who you care about lmaoo. some of you could be known for getting into fights with people over disrespectful behaviour too 👀. i think that your reputation is that you really don’t play about your friends and/or family 😂. overall, the public doesn’t really know how to take you. because you’re clearly someone who’s very loving, but you’re picky with who you choose to love and care about. and you show love to people in profound ways. so people can’t really call you a bitch and act like you’re just rude. because you’re not. you just have certain standards. overall, people don’t know too much about you, but they can see that you’re definitely multifaceted. to the point where they can’t really put you under a label. i also heard that you “seem like a fever dream” whatever tf that means.

if you’d like a private reading, please check out my pinned post ☺️💞

• pile three •

cards: ace of swords, 3 of swords, the stars

for some reason i’m picking up on quite a few of you who live with physical disabilities or ailments that are obvious and visible to other people. if this isn’t a visible physical disability, then it’s a visible mental health condition - i’m mainly seeing severe depression. someone who is visibly depressed and struggling mentally. despite the public seeing whatever pain is visible on your face or in your body, there’s also an energy of you being extremely “healing for the soul”. you seem to bring a lot of peace and much-needed comfort to others. you stand out for something that makes you endearing. your energy is very young and inclusive. so the public may be able to tell that you’re someone who’s extremely open minded, being able to speak to any type of person. you seem very kind, especially in small interactions with others. like retail/customer service workers, anyone who may need help in public, children, etc. your smile is very healing. your chiron and midheaven might be in easier aspects to each other in your chart (conjunction, trine, sextile).

if you’d like a private reading, please check out my pinned post ☺️💞

[yourlocaltreesimp]

Tears: My cold, dark, rotten heart feels no affection for anyone.

Y/N: *sneezes*

Tears: Are you sick? Where's your tunic?

۵♡۵

Yan!Tears headcannons

tw: yandarism, he goes a bit feral, obsession, spoilers for totk, kidnapping

My belief is that Tears joined the chain about midway through his journey. He was freshly abandoned by the princess and now has to defend an entirely new hyrule against entirely new threats. And he began to crack. Not readily noticeable, but certainly enough to wear down his sanity. He was already a little more in the untamed side at the end of his last journey, but he can only spiral further from there. He’s gotten horribly good at keeping up that public mask now people know who he is, good enough to fool those not willing to see the cracks.

This slow decline of his mental health is what made him crack the second he saw you. And that’s not an exaggeration either. He held no regard for the useless fools that surrounded you and cared little for their blades, you’d been returned to him. He could feel your skin against his, breathe you in wholly, sense your heart fluttering, He had you. Finally. He did not care if he needed to claw, kick, bite, rip or tear every single thing and person to keep you.

Once he’s able to barter his way into traveling alongside the chain, i’m sorry. Your fate is sealed. No god nor force of nature could stop him.

As a small side note, the gloom definitely affected him to further along his decent. It ate away at his inherently good qualities until all he’s left with is his base instincts and his desire. Any kind action has its alterier motive, every sweet word laced with his own type of venom. It’s left him so primal and yet so intelligent. He can reason without empathy for those that will be hurt getting in the way. He can swing the sword without caring for the repercussions. He’s the ‘Hero’. Not like anyone’s going to stop him.

Initially, his affection borders on innocent enough. Unhealthily attached? Yeah. Obsessive? Most definitely. But reaching its limit? No, not nearly. It begins slow enough, constantly vying to be by your side. He always has an arm around your waist or an hand entangled in your own, but he’s always near. Always.

It develops quick enough. Threats to those who get a little too close to you, at first as genuine protection, but it becomes his claim. Word spreads quick through the tiny villages that you are not to be preyed on. Not by them at least. He’s allowed to eye your neck, especially considering his endless gifts adorn it. You have everything short of a ring on your finger, he’s saving that until the others can’t interrupt.

He’d scare you into loving him. This world is a very dangerous place, but how convenient his arms are wide open to you. What a coincidence that the horrid world leaves you be when his arm is wrapped around your waist.

But don’t be a fool. Leave and this protection drops immediately. You’ll learn. You’ll learn when the yiga find you or when you stumble into some constructs or a mysterious patch of gloom hands appears.

The more he succumbs to the influence of the malice, the more the gloom eases to its will. The more cooperative he is to loosing himself, the more control he has.

Don’t leave him.

So many have already.

He can’t let you slip away too.

He’d kidnap you. There’s a basement just for you in that custom house of his. Or maybe down a well somewhere… or maybe the gerudo prison if you’re less accommodating to his demands. You’ll stay his. And you’ll learn to like it weather you want to or not.

[sagethegaywitch]

Yandere Scarabia Headcanons

GN reader

TW: yandere behavior, hypnotizing mentioned, stalking, poisoning mentioned

Genre: yandere

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Kalim Al-Asim:

A sweet guy who genuinely wants your affection.  He’s a family-oriented fellow so he doesn’t realize that stalking someone and writing love letters to them was considered inappropriate since he’s so used to openly sharing his love around friends and family.

He’s probably one of the most clingy yanderes at Night Raven College, and he throws small fits when you have to leave his company to go to classes or back to your dorm.

If he’s not busy, he’ll follow you around to ensure that you don’t get hurt while you’re out of his protective arms.  He’s aware that many people want to assassinate him for his power and position, so he’s afraid you might be targeted because you’re the object of his interest.

Will get Jamil to watch over you when he has time, but he’s usually a very busy man.  Jamil, at most, will just quickly walk by where you are, ensure you’re safe and return to his duties.

You practically live at his dorm because he always insists that you stay over for a celebration of some kind.  Even if you try to decline with a good excuse, he’ll just drag you along anyways and sit you right next to him at the banquet table.

Enjoys it when you sit in his lap with his arms around your waist and uses the position to feed you meals when you visit his dorm.

Jamil always taste tests Kalim’s food, and Kalim will make Jamil taste test your food as well.  Kalim is concerned about your health and safety when you eat food that Jamil doesn’t make because he doesn’t know who could’ve sneaked poison into your meals.

You have a spare bed in his room because of how often you sleep over.  If you insist on another room, Kalim will counter back and force you to stay in his room so you can spend the night talking.

Gives you very expensive gifts, all shipped from the Scalding Sands, and they will often involve a lot of gold and shiny gems.  He may not be aware why he loves to give you jewelry, but deep down it’s because it’s his special way of marking you as his property.

Most of the items you receive from him stay in your room because of how delicate they look and you’d feel bad if you damaged something so pretty and lavish.

He will often wonder where all his gifts went and tells you that he’d prefer you to use them cause he can just buy more if they broke.  In the end, he’s touched that you value them and plan to take good care of them.

Overall, Kalim is a very clingy boy, and he has the power and wealth to ensure that you stay in his presence.  He has a Danger Level of 1/10 only because he’d have Jamil hypnotize any rivals to stay away from you.  He loves to spoil you and will shower you with his riches if you accept his love.  Probably the safest yandere to have, although his whines for attention might become annoying.

Jamil Viper:

Similar to Leona, Jamil has spent most of his life in someone else’s shadow. When he realizes his feelings for, he knows he does not want to share you with Kalim or anyone else.

You’d probably befriend him after his overblot only because he’s been so focused on helping Kalim through the school year to really take notice of you before the event.

While he remains polite and well-mannered in public and in front of Kalim because of his upbringing, when he knows for sure that you two are alone, he’ll let loose and release all his tension.

You two have private talk/therapy sessions that allow him to vent his problems with his dorm and with Kalim.  If you offer him a shoulder to cry on, you’ve made a friend for life.

What started as a friend trying to help a friend, will soon develop into something much more unhealthy.

Because you’re one of the few people to acknowledge him as his own person rather than an extension of Kalim, he’s always craving your attention.  He feels special when you talk to him because he knows the relationship you two have will be something that Kalim never has with you.

He definitely stalks you around school when he has time.  Since he’s so busy with his school work, taking care of Kalim, and running the dorm, sometimes the most he can do is just spare a passing glance.  Other times, when he escapes his duties, he’ll be able to follow you around a bit and make sure that you’re not meeting up with a secret lover.

Mostly only jealous of Kalim because of how he’s had to serve the heir his entire life, but also won’t tolerate other people trying to ask you to be their partner.

He’s fine with you hanging out with your first year gang and classmates, but when people try to get romantic with you, that’s where he draws the line.

He will absolutely not tolerate Kalim trying to get your attention.  He will not have his one pride and joy get ruined by the carefree heir.

He’s a really tolerant man, so only if someone tried to ask you out would he lash out.  He’d probably only hypnotize them using his unique magic and force them to make a fool out of themselves to defuse any feels you may have had for them.

He’s always working behind the scenes when he gets rid of rivals because he wants you to see him in the best light.

Would never use his unique magic on you unless you tried to leave him.  The worst he’d probably do is erase your memory of an argument you two had so that you’d forget why you tried to leave.

Since he cooks for Kalim, he’d probably pack you meals as well because food giving is his love language.  He’ll say that it’s because the cafeteria food is not good enough for you and how could you refuse a free homemade meal?

Will cook you your favorites and will eat them with you even if he doesn’t like them that much.  He would change his preferences to match yours so you guys seem more alike.

Overall, he’s very desperate for attention because he’s never gotten it before.  He's finally got something that Kalim can’t have, and he’d do anything to protect that obsession.  He has a Danger Level of 5/10 because he’d only hypnotize people to do his bidding without using violence.  He might make them do something stupid in front of a large crowd or might make them admit to some kind of rumor, but he’d never kill anyone.  As long as you offer him your love, you’d never be lacking a friend and protector.

[sleazysquid]

For the requests: Do you think Dabi is into any sort of piss marking? Like internal urination/golden showers, just filthy stuff that marks you as his? I've been thinking about this a lot and always kinda waver.

Smh putting me tf out with this one I’m in adoration omg. So many approaches to this it’s hard to choose one… but I really wanna fixate on the watersports, power aspect, I feel like there isn’t a lot of love out there for that sort of fetish so.. I might have gotten a little carried away with this ask…

This Is What The Devil Does (Dabi x Reader):

Word Count: 1.1k

Tags/warnings: female reader, HEAVY watersports action, a little bit of some power play happening here, scent marking, public humiliation (f receiving), established relationship, dubcon kinkplay, a little bit of dumbification and noncon pic taking at the end.

I’m definitely leaning towards Dabi being the one to bring it up at some point or finding out on accident that the both of you have a kink for it. Maybe via… starting out as a joke and peeing on you in the shower? When he’s in the comfort of your home, he’s usually kind and loving behind closed doors. In public though? He loves to treat you lower than dirt at times.

You’ve learned that at any point if you’re walking down the streets he can just pull you into an alleyway to use you as his personal, and quite beautiful, urinal. Depending on his mood he may or may not actually aim for your mouth. Not a day goes by where you’re not swallowing a few warm (sour) gulps of his urine, opting to wipe the tip clean on your hair. It’s safe to say most of his bodily fluids have been either consumed or worn as a fashion accessory now. You nearly die of embarrassment showing up to a league meeting knowing you fucking reek of his piss. It gets him off when someone asks, “god what’s that smell?” Knowing it’s you, and watching you slowly back away from group. Even through all the precautions you take, having fresh clothes to change into in your backpack, he finds out pretty quickly and snags the clothes when you’re occupied with something else before going out.

“How else are people supposed to know you’re mine? You said you were game for anything, so. I don’t see why you’re making such a sour face when I’m just doing what you asked. Besides, your tits look great when they’re in a piss soaked shirt.” He quips while tucking himself back in, lightly slapping your face before offering the same hand to help you off your knees.

Over time, Dabi’s grown confident in himself and this newfound power dynamic. You’re his and his alone. He may let the other men in the group make their snide comments towards you, but at the end of the day you’re the one covered in his scent at all times. But of course, it’s not just the power, or the embarrassment, but most of all the act itself. He gets creative, searching for more ways to incorporate piss play more and more.

What would be the ultimate conquest than to go inside? He’s contemplated back and forth about this idea— the health consequences perhaps… he does care to a degree, but how good it’ll feel to possibly both of you (but especially him). His communication isn’t the best in your relationship. Most of these bursts of kink occur spontaneously. On a normal night, he’s got you in a mating press. Your legs are a little achy from staying like that for so long. The heat from his hands inadvertently climbing up in temperature from how rough he’s fucking you. That familiar sinister smirk peaks up from the corners of his mouth.

“ ‘want me to fill you up, baby?” He questions in a low husk. The vague wording skirting around your thoroughly fucked mind.

You nod, begging him with your voice breaking with each jolt of his hips, “please fucking fill me up, I need it so bad!”

“Hah.. you asked for it..”

A sudden warmth surges through your entire body. His mouth falls open, a long sigh drawls out from the depths of his scarred chest. Eyes flittering ever so slightly from the feeling of relief, losing focus but trying to maintain contact with you. You begin squirming beneath him. This isn’t right, this shouldn’t be happening— it’s taken too far, you’ve been pretty open to everything he’s asked to try, but this is something way out of your comfort zone, something that hadn’t ever been discussed before. Clammy palms hold you down and force you to be even more of just a warm receptacle. His other hand snakes its way to your clit, forcing involuntary spurts of your orgasm follow suit; and coupled with the hot constant stream, it forces you to cum harder around his pissing cock. You feel so full from the ridiculous amount he’s letting into you. It overflows and dampens the sheets beneath you, dripping in every possible nook and fold while soiling his legs.

“It feels… so warm. I feel… so full.” You breathe out as the initial shock wears off and twists into dumbed down euphoria. You’re already so warm to him, so inviting. A personal slut who loves milking his cock for his cum, and now his piss. It’s such a strange sensation but you’re instantly fixated on it, on him, him, only him, and everything about him. You cry out his name as he empties his bladder inside your throbbing pussy, singing praises and begging him to start moving again.

“You really like it that much, huh?” Dabi’s face lights up.

“Fuck yes! Please… fuck yes!! Please start moving, I wanna feel it more, please Dabi??” Your dumbed down brain can’t even fully form sentences anymore, just little begs like a lost puppy.

You’re both in such a vulnerable state even with him having the upper hand, he can’t help but give in to your cute little pleas. His hips snap against you at a harsh tempo; creating disgusting, sopping wet noises that compete with the volume of your moans as his piss sloshes around inside you to a disgusting degree. Dabi’s not sure how long he can even last in this state anymore as you’re now fully intentionally sucking his cock in and out, creating a tight silky friction that makes him feel like he could cum at any second now. Arms outreach to him—inviting to become even closer to your body more than ever; you grip the fluffy black locks as he fixes open mouth kisses around the corners of your lips. With hands now on either side of your head, gently caressing, he chokes out beautiful breathy moans that fan over the shell of your ear as he spills hot spurts of his seed inside your spent cunt.

When he pulls out, a mixture of piss and cum flow out of your abused pussy. The filthy sight of it nearly hardens him back up. He’s tempted to try and coax another round or two out of you, but right now you look thoroughly exhausted and completely drenched in sweat. So he does what all great boyfriends do, gently lifts you up and gets you to the tub to help clean you up of course, but not before pulling out his phone to take a couple pictures. You just look too delicious and ruined to not memorialize such a feat.

3am: Dabi sent a photo to the groupchat

“I told you I’m keeping this one all to myself, you fucking creeps.”

[solarpunkwitchcraft]

So I’ve written a number of posts to the extent of “don't worry about conscious consumerism, the best way to change the world is to get involved in environmental action!” But I wonder how actually accessible getting involved in local action feels to people. So, as someone who has been able to find cool activist groups to join both when I was in college and now post-graduation, here’s my advice for how to get involved in something happening in your area!

1. Just show up to stuff. Ok, I know this sounds stupid and obvious, but I do feel like this is truly the best way to get a sense of what’s going on around you. Search online for activist groups near you, check local news for references to anyone doing work that you care about. Find those organizations and see if they have any public actions, info sessions, or other public events that are coming up. This could be anything from a protest, a rally, an onboarding session, a tree-planting festival in the park, an educational event, a local union standout outside the grocery store, a farm volunteer day, what have you. You can even go to a town meeting, although I can’t promise that will be interesting. It may be that the organization you find is not working on an issue that you’re the most interested in or that you don’t like the way they operate or something, but going to events can be a great way to learn about other orgs or campaigns where you live that maybe have less of a high profile. By showing up to these kinds of events, you will get a better sense of the activism landscape, which will help you find out if there are orgs that you want to join 2. In-person events are better for getting to know people, I find, but if you aren’t able to go to in-person events for health reasons, or because you are in rural area, virtual events are great too! I recently moved to a city, but previously was working with a regional activist group while I lived in a rural area, and I basically worked with them on Zoom that whole year. 3. If you’re going to an in-person event, bring a friend! Maybe they’re also interested in getting involved in activism, maybe they’re just going to help you out, but its good to have a buddy, especially if you’re at a rally or a protest. Not only is this safer, this way you have someone to debrief with and talk through whether or not this is a group that you want to commit to. 4. Sometimes, other orgs will be mentioned in an activist meeting. If those interest you, check them out, especially if they are more aligned to the kind of work you’re interested in doing. 5. Talk to people at the event! I know this can be intimidating (believe me I’m an introvert), but this is honestly the best way to get information about the general vibe of this group, or if there are other groups in the area doing things closer to you or more aligned with the work you are interested in. In my experience, people at activist events are always excited to help other activists. 6. Keep a critical eye! All activist groups are imperfect, some are deeply dysfunctional, some are legitimately dangerous. If you’re at a group or event and you think they seem sketchy, disorganized, ineffective, or anything that you are not interested in, leave! Don’t settle to join a group that you have bad feelings about because they seem like the only game in town. That could be frustrating at best or dangerous at worst. 7. Don’t commit to anything at the first meeting! Maybe you’re at an activist meeting for the first time and you think, hey this group is amazing, I want to get involved right away! Or maybe you’re thinking, this is the only group I could find, so I guess I better commit. Don’t do that on your first meeting! Go to a few more public events, meetings, or info sessions. This will let you have a better sense of the group before you commit and will let you see if this is a group that you really want to join. If an activist group requires you to commit to anything at this first meeting (or if they strongly suggest that you do), run! That is a very bad sign, 8. This is the exception for most volunteer opportunities, which may need you to commit for a certain amount of volunteer shifts before you show up. That’s fine! Volunteer groups are also great because they’re a lot more common than activist groups in my experience and more likely to exist in small towns. Some, like Food Not Bombs, have an explicitly political angle which makes them a great place to get to know fellow leftists in the area. Others, like your local soup kitchen, won’t have that angle. But it’s a great way to get involved in your community, get to know people, and do something material to help others. Other kinds of volunteer opportunities may be helping with refugee resettlement projects, pulling up invasive plants, helping a nonprofit with administrative work, all kinds of things! 9.Be patient. I spent most of my late teens/early 20s beating myself up that I wasn’t involved in the kind of activist work that most interested me. But then I met someone at a larger nation-wide event that was from my area, asked for similar things to get involved with at a local level and joined that org. Now, I am doing the activist work that I always dreamed of doing.These things take time and you may not find the exact right kind of opportunity right away. That’s ok! Take your time, keep your wits about you, and don’t be too hard on yourself.

I hope that is helpful! Please let me know if you have any other questions about my experience or my advice and I would be happy to answer them :) Solidarity!

[radiowallet]

Home

Pairing: Dieter Bravo x Marcus Moreno Summary: Dieter takes Marcus to a party in the valley. WC: 4.5K Warnings: 18+ MDNI Sexual content. Exclusive M/M dynamics. Written in third-person POV, male protagonists. Anal sex, dirty talk, kissing, cum play, semi-public sex. Small angsty moments. Yearning. So much yearning. AU Marcus Moreno (no wife, no Missy). A lot of purple prose and waxing poetic.

A/N: Hi, hello, it's been a very very long time since I've shared any writing here. I don't have any good excuses other than real-life stressors, mental health and anxiety, and the overall stress of being on Tumblr really really got to me. I'm trying to ease my way back in. Slowly. I've really enjoyed catching up on all the amazing fics you guys have been writing. Thank you to everyone, still here or otherwise. Even when I was off dealing with irl stuff, I could feel the support.

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For any new writing follow @radiowallet-writes and turn on notifications.

Marcus chewed at his nail bed, surveying the house from the backseat of his Uber. It was hardly the first time he’d pulled up to the Sherman Oaks home. He was comfortable with the routine at this point. Tapping in the code for the front gate with practiced ease. The same one Dieter had scribbled onto the back page of a forgotten script after that first night together in New York City, his cell ringing incessantly from his back pocket, a car waiting down the curb to whisk him away. Marcus swore he could still taste the mint and menthol on the actor’s breath when he stepped in close and pressed the paper into his hands, kissing him until his toes curled. 

“Please say you’ll come visit.”

After that, it had been one strategically planned visit after the other. Marcus was almost mathematical in his process, arranging flights out west around his patrol schedule, switching shifts, and taking on extra duties just to rationalize the time away. Burning the candle at both ends but not caring even in the slightest, happy to run his tank on empty. He’d drive all fucking night if it meant more time with Dieter. 

So he took to the task with a vigilant level of focus, texting details and arrival times, the actor responding with a barrage of emojis, always ending with a heart. 

Marcus liked the way the little pixelated picture made his stomach flip.

Once together, it became less of a routine and more of a dance, the two of them falling into an easy rhythm that Marcus had no desire to predict. They would lose themselves in each other, wrapping tightly around the other, the heat impossible to turn away from. There were late nights and early mornings, the color of the sun replacing the hours on the clock. Sometimes, he would give up on sleep all together, content to match the actor’s eccentricities, watching Dieter move from room to room, minute to minute, until the other man would return to his arms. 

But as each visit came to a close, Marcus would find himself falling back on easy habits, his mind already making plans and rearranging schedules, focusing on that instead of the overbearing weight of goodbye. 

In the middle of one farewell, Dieter had grinned and nipped at his bottom lip, a tease curling around the curve of his cheek. 

“Don’t worry so much about the vigilante shit, sweet boy. You’re welcome anytime.”

Marcus had frowned at that, but Dieter was unfazed, humming an off-key pop song under his breath before giving one more piece of advice. 

Be spontaneous. 

Marcus had gnawed on those two words the entire plane ride home, the concept both enticing and diabolical at once. He imagined all the ways he would have spoiled Dieter if they lived in the same zip code. Spur of the moment cups of coffee, flowers just because, nights in and out and everything in between. But even those daydreams felt out of reach, Marcus unable to let go of the need to control everything. Everything. Everything that he possibly could. 

Except Deiter Bravo. 

The actor was bound for overseas, a six-month shoot looming ahead, lonely and large. They had spent the weekend before much the same way they had any other. Twisted together, sweat and cum and lips and hands pressed into bare skin, ignoring the ticking of traitorous time. Cruel miles were taking the other man away from him, and Marcus couldn’t stop the swell of jealous fear flaring inside his heart. 

Would he even be missed when the whole luminous, wonderful, exciting world was waiting for Dieter on the other side of the tarmac? 

A deep cough from the front seat dragged him back to the present, and before he could second guess himself again, Marcus climbed out of the car, tapping out five stars with one hand and grabbing his overnight bag with the other. He hesitated, just the smallest moment of debate, before he knocked, three sharp raps on the large black door. There was a shout from inside, Dee’s voice alerting someone he would get it, a breath and a curse as the lock was fiddled with, and then they were standing face to face after only 39 hours apart. 

Dieter seemed shocked to see him and he didn't bother hiding it, his jaw dropping in time with his arms, the shirt he had been buttoning hanging open to reveal his bare chest. Marcus couldn’t help but steal a glance of tan skin and a soft belly, licking his lips in anticipation. When Dee called his attention back up, the other man was smiling wide. 

“This is…”

“A surprise?”

“A great fucking surprise.” 

It was almost a blur after that. Fumbling hands and broken laughter as they came together in a messy kiss. They managed to make it up the stairs and down the hall, Dieter’s bed barely breaking their fall. 

Marcus wanted to take his time, should have been taking his time, but Dieter’s voice was in his ear, thanking him — thanking him? — for showing up tonight. Thanking him and begging him and pressing salt-slicked lips into the curve of his neck. And before he could breathe the other man in, savor the moment that was coming out of nowhere, they stripped away each and every layer, Dieter panting beneath the hurried press of Marcus’s fingers deep inside. 

Sooner rather than later, Marcus was sliding into the other man one final time, their hips flush and their fingers laced. He came with a groan, face buried into the dip of Dieter’s neck, while the actor sunk his teeth into his shoulder, the pleasure burning away into the edges of pain. Only after they both found their breath, bodies pliant and limbs loose, did Marcus find his voice. 

“Do you want to order in?”

Dieter didn’t say anything and Marcus craned his neck up to peek past the other man’s chin and catch a glimpse of him worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. 

“Did you already eat? Because that’s okay.”

“No…,” he started, fingers tracing a line of muscle from the top of his shoulder and back around, lingering along the teeth marks he left there only minutes earlier. “I haven’t eaten. I…there’s this thing I have to….well, not have to. I was getting ready for it when you knocked—“

“Dee?”

“There’s a party,” he finally blurted out, eyes finding the swing of the ceiling fan above, a grimace pulling his lips into a jagged line, a deep shade of pink settling on his cheeks. 

Marcus leaned up on his elbow, watching the small battle of wills dragging across Dieter’s face. He thought maybe he should try to comfort the other man but he was suddenly anxious, those creeping realities working their way up his spine. 

“A party?”

“Yeah, it’s sort of this farewell thing my friends are throwing,” he explained, not needing to. “Really, just an excuse to get blitzed.” 

The lack of eye contact suddenly made much more sense. 

“You wanted to go.”

It wasn’t a question. 

Dieter was up and over him in a flash, one large hand bending around Marcus’s jaw, thumb pressing the seam of his lips shut. “I didn’t want to be alone.” 

Marcus pursed his lips, the pad of Dieter’s thumb still pressing firm. He felt the callous from where Dee cheated his paintbrush, a perfect spot to push a kiss before pulling away. 

“You want to go.”  

Dieter searched his face, eyes wide and cheeks flushed, trying to pull apart the determined set of Marcus’s jaw. When he came up empty-handed, he fell back to his elbows with an exaggerated sigh, one large hand still cupping the cut of the hero’s cheekbone, keeping his thumb close enough to touch. 

“I want to go with you.” 

———————

Marcus smiled from where he was leaning against the doorway, watching Dieter rummage through his ridiculously sized closet, a string of muttered musings leaving him as he pulled item after item off of hangers. The Heroic had slipped back into his jeans and t-shirt once the decision had been made that they would attend the party together, not really packing (or owning) anything that fit the L.A. scene. 

He was two steps towards the bathroom, intent on fixing his messy hair when Dee stopped him with a strong grip on his elbow. 

“Leave it,” he teased, a quick kiss pressed to his lips, fingers tugging at one of the sweat-slicked curls. 

Now he was standing behind him, sliding a stone-washed jean jacket up one arm and then the other, one more kiss, this time gifted to the back of his neck. The jacket hangs a bit loose around him, Marcus guessing a mix between the cut and style, and Dieter’s broader frame both at play. He couldn’t help himself, tugging the collar to his nose and inhaling deeply, the smell of weed and cologne and something subtle sweet filling his lungs. 

He felt Dieter’s eyes, watching him carefully in the reflection of the mirror, his hands finding the dip of his waist beneath the bulky fabric, gripping hard then soft, one, two, three times. Marcus took in the pair of them — sex-mussed hair and bright blush on him, wild eyes, and a teasing smile on Dieter — and he suddenly had no desire to go to this party. Any party. 

No. 

All he wanted was for Dieter to pull this jacket off the same way he had so easily slipped it on, and drag him back down to the safety of the mattress. 

“Come on, sweet boy,” he hummed, the hook of his nose tracing the shell of Marcus’s ear. “Sooner we get there, sooner I get to take you home.”

The word followed Marcus down the stairs and out to the car, his stomach flipping each time he let the meaning of it roll around inside his head.

Home?

———————

Driving in L.A. was an experience in and of itself. Marcus had made his own attempts, managing to find a rhythm in the few times he had been sent out to the west coast on assignment. It wasn’t much different than driving in any other city, as long as you were prepared to sit in what felt like endless hours of traffic. Of course, Marcus had the pleasure of abusing side streets and off-ramps when it came down to emergency situations. 

Driving with Dieter behind the wheel was a different experience altogether. He seemed unfettered by speed limits or traffic lights, one hand on the wheel, the other wrapped around Marcus’s knee, singing along to the song on the radio but only getting about half the words right. If not for his powers and years of honing his reflexes, Marcus would have maybe suggested he do the driving when he was in town. 

As it was, it was nice to settle into the plush leather seat and listen to Dieter’s slightly off-key voice, his hand squeezing Marcus’s knee in time with the beat of the music. He leaned back and closed his eyes, weighing the risk of asking Dieter to just keep driving. Maybe if they kept going, all night and all day, they could avoid the inevitable goodbyes looming in the distance.

———————

The last time Marcus and Dieter had been at a party together, they had only ever heard of each other, recognizing names and faces from newspapers and movie screens. They didn’t know any different than what was said in headlines or plastered on billboards, rumors and hearsay coloring in their opinions of one another. How many assumptions had Marcus made about the actor upon that first meeting? That he was pompous. Self-centered. Selfish. An addict. An asshole. A monster. 

Or maybe Marcus was afraid that was how Dieter saw him. 

The monster in the night. The shadow that lurked in the corner. Fighting away the evils of the world, the palms of his hands so very dirty with blood and secrets and violence. Living in the between of good and bad and never knowing where he really stood.

But when their eyes met across that darkened alley, only the glow of Dieter’s cigarette casting shadows between them, those half-truths and packaged lies that Marcus took for granted started to fall away. Somewhere between their small secrets and one smokey kiss goodnight, he started to learn who Dieter Bravo really was. 

This party was different in so many ways than that first elegant affair. Gone was the light classical music, replaced with something loud, a heavy bass and fast lyrics. Bowls of chips instead of passed trays. Stiff black and white was traded in for soft denim, Dieter’s scent surrounding Marcus from room to room. They entered the party together, no longer separate, no longer strangers, and instead more.

So much more.

Dieter’s arm was wrapped around Marcus’s waist, holding him close by his side as they navigated the packed mansion. The crowd parted around them, little waves of people ebbing and flowing to make room for the two men, boisterous cheers of joy raining down upon them. Dieter preened beneath the attention, his smile wide and his cheeks warm, the hand wrapped around Marcus’s waist squeezing hard to grab the Heroic’s attention. 

“They like to make a fuss,” he hummed into Marcus’s ear. 

He couldn’t help but cock his own grin back, turning his head just enough to brush his lips along the shell of Dieter’s ear, delighting in the shiver that followed. “I think you like the fuss.” 

———————

They get separated about an hour in, an inevitability between the number of people vying for Dieter’s attention and the sheer size of the house. Marcus excused himself to the bathroom, trying and failing not to be annoyed when the first empty one he found was on the opposite end of the party. By the time he made it back to where he left Dieter, the other man had moved, now sitting on a couch, friends and fans alike draped around him. 

There was something strange about watching Dieter Bravo in what some would consider his natural habitat. He was bright and shiny and impossible to look away from. He almost looked relaxed, his arms thrown over the back of the sofa and his legs stretched out long, only the tap tap tap of his heel giving him away.

Marcus wanted to insert himself. To crowd himself beside the other man and press his palm to the bend of his knee in hopes of soothing away the small tremor of anxiety, but he hesitated, his own worries holding him in place. So he stayed where he was, back glued to the wall, arms crossed and frown firm, as he tried to decipher the scene playing out in front of him. 

Was Dieter’s laugh real just then? Or was the one Marcus had teased out of him hours prior? The sounds seemed so similar, a copy of a copy that looked and felt and sounded real. Were his cheeks pink because he preferred their attention over Marcus’s? Or was it because this room was too damn hot? What did it mean when Dieter touched her knee? Or kissed his cheek? Or leaned a little bit more into their touch? 

And why did Marcus care? 

He didn’t consider himself a jealous man. 

But it almost felt inevitable, the dark tendrils of jealousy seemingly always present, ever since that fateful moment in the alleyway, smoke and secrets traded away for unspoken promises for more. Marcus clenched his jaw and narrowed his eyes, watching the other man glow beneath the attention of others. Was it merely a reflection back of the attention poured upon him? The mirrors of a disco ball catching in the light and shining for the delight of others? Or was Dieter just enjoying another moment in the limelight? 

Marcus couldn’t seem to see the line between real and fake, or what side he stood on. 

Someone handed him a drink in the midst of his brooding, and the sting of the alcohol paired well with his bitter mood. He was trapped in a hell of his own making, refusing to look away from the crowd gathered around Dieter, but hating every second of it. 

The jealousy burned inside of him. What had just been something dark mingling in the background was now present and in full force. Marcus was jealous. Jealous at how effortlessly Dieter lived his life, able to navigate crowds and fame and fervor without ever breaking a sweat. Jealous at how his smile seemed just as bright as it had when he opened his door hours earlier. Jealous at how someone else held the attention of his sweet brown eyes. 

And suddenly there was fear. Icy cold and horrifying reality. 

Marcus didn’t belong here. Here with these pretty people and their clean lines and bright lights. He was messy edges and dirty hands, stained with years of violence that would never scrub clean. There was dirt on his ledger and red on his chest, and Dieter was beautiful. So very very beautiful.

Another wave of panic gripped tight at Marcus’s throat. 

When was the last time he told Dieter he was beautiful? Yesterday? Or the day before that? Either way, it wasn’t enough. Not nearly. And he couldn’t fathom a world where he lost the chance to say it again. 

He couldn’t lose this. He couldn’t lose him. 

The lights above them flickered, an unwelcome side effect of his superpowers, Marcus’s unruly emotions too much to handle all at once. It was just enough to drag everyone’s attention up, stealing their eyes away from Dieter, but only briefly. The actor caught his gaze in the small interim, brows pinched and lips curved, his sharp mind putting the puzzle together. Marcus blushed beneath the scrutiny, feeling very much like a child caught in the midst of a crime. He slammed the cup down on the nearest surface he could find and shoved his dirty hands in the pockets of Dieter’s jacket, and turned away, the lights flickering one last time as he made a quick and embarrassing exit. 

From behind he could hear the shout of a stranger.

“Hey, Dee where’s your boyfriend headed?”

Marcus was so focused on the fact that someone else called him ‘Dee’ that he missed the way Dieter's eyes lit up at the word boyfriend.

The bathroom he had found earlier was blissfully empty, and he took care to lock the door behind him. He braced himself against the sink, the cool porcelain a balm to the heat of his palms, breathing in and out, sharp and fast, to match the beat of his heart. A knock came seconds later, Dieter’s voice chasing the sound. 

“Let me in, Marcus.”

It didn’t sound like a request.

Marcus unlocked the door with a flick of his wrist, and the actor slipped in, eyes pinning him in place as he locked the door behind him. For a moment both of them refused to speak, 2 feet of space between them, and enough silence to last a lifetime. It was Dieter who finally broke the tension, stepping forward until Marcus was within his reach, the palm of his hand cupping his cheek to keep him close.

“Flattered as I am, I can’t decide if I like jealous on you or not.” 

Marcus knew it was foolish to lie at this point. If his fucking superpowers hadn’t given him away, then storming off surely had, and any denial would have rung hollow. Besides, they had promised. Months ago, in an opulent hotel room, cum and sweat sticking them together. They promised to always be honest with each other. 

“I don’t belong here, Dee.”

“Shut up.” The sentiment came out as a tease, the tip of Dieter’s thumb tracing the stubble along Marcus’s cheek, but the look on his face was serious. 

Marcus shook his head, unsure how to say what had seemed so clear to him only minutes ago. “I’m not…I’m not g–”

“I swear to fucking all, if you say the word ‘good,’ Moreno.”

His mouth clamped shut, and he smiled for the first time since he left Dieter’s side earlier in the night. The other man yanked him in for a quick kiss, only pulling a breath away when he spoke again.

“You are better than all of us, sweet boy. Please tell me you know that?”

Marcus wanted to shake his head in disagreement, the very idea that Dieter saw the good in him too much to bear, but the actor was already kissing him again, lips slanting sweetly along his own. When they broke apart for the second time, Dieter said it again, and then again, each time pairing a kiss with his words. Marcus thought maybe he would have kissed him a hundred times and then a hundred more, praise and adoration passed between them until the inevitable end of time caught up. 

But then Dieter crowded in closer, kissing him with much more fervor, his intent clear. Hands scrambled as belts were tugged free and pants were pulled down, bodies twisting until Marcus was plastered to Dieter’s back. He slipped inside the broader man easily, still slick with his release from earlier. Dieter whined at the stretch, pressing back into Marcus, fingers curling around the edge of the bathroom counter as he began to beg. 

“Hard, baby. Please.”

Marcus nipped at Dieter’s ear, refusing to move, the entire length of him buried to the hilt inside him. “How hard?” 

“Hard,” Dieter begged again, squirming in Marcus’s tight grip. “Hard as you can. Need to feel you. F-feel so good.”

It was an intoxicating rush, reducing Dieter Bravo to stumbling pleas and wanton moans, and Marcus swore as long as he was able to pull air into his lungs he refused to take that feeling for granted. He pressed a soft kiss to Dieter’s skin and gently nudged his nose to the back of his head, coaxing his gaze up to meet Marcus’s in the mirror. 

He dragged his hand up Dieter’s chest, stopping to feel the steady thump of his heart, one, two, three beats, before moving up to wrap his fingers around the other man’s throat. He whined again, writhing to and fro, the sound more pitiful with each passing second that Marcus refused to move. 

“I’ve got you, mi cielo. I’ve got you,” he hummed the promise, pressing another kiss to Dieter’s sweat-damp curls. He squeezed the actor’s throat again, watching as his cock seemed to pulse in time with the action. He bit back his own groan, his own cock painfully hard where he was buried inside the other man. 

“M-marcus…please…”

When he finally moved, it was slow, almost torturous for the both of them, but Marcus refused to be rushed. Not this time. Fuck any and everyone who dared to knock on that door. That dared to interrupt them. That dared to break between this moment. He pulled the other man closer, one arm wrapped around his waist, the other still gripping tight to his throat. Dieter’s hands were still scrambling, designer soaps and over-priced products falling to the floor as he seeked some sort of leverage. He finally found it, stonewashed denim bunching between his fingers as he dug them into Marcus’s forearms.

And only then did Marcus give into his request, snapping his hips as hard as he could, teeth sinking into the curve of Dieter’s neck. There would be bruises, bad ones, but he couldn’t bring himself to care, too overwhelmed at the thought of marking the other man as his own. Dieter didn’t seem to mind either, begging Marcus again and again to give him everything he had. 

“Want to feel it,” he sobbed, the pleasure just on the other side of pain. “Want to feel you when I’m gone. Please.” 

“You will, baby. I promise,” Marcus growled. “You’ll feel me for days. You won’t forget me. P-please… don’t forget me.” 

The admission fell out of Marcus before he could stop it, along with his own broken sobs to match. The pain and tears burst to life, the broken pieces he had hidden all over his body finding new life as he begged Dieter to take it all with him. Each slam of his hips and bruising touch of his hands. Every bite from his teeth and kiss from his lips. The words and the promises and the things neither of them knew how to say but felt all the same. 

“Take me with you, Dee. Please, take me with you.” 

“I will, sweet boy,” he gasped, his body shaking beneath Marcus’s anguished hands. “Sweet boy. Good boy. I promise.”  

Dieter came first, though Marcus wasn’t sure how, his sobs and sighs of pleasure long past any sort of coherence. His cock twitched and pulsed, coming completely untouched. Marcus watched Dieter’s face break apart in the reflection of the mirror, his brown eyes wild and skin flushed, lips parting around a feral scream. 

Marcus fell apart in kind, sparks of heat bursting at the base of his spine as tight velvet squeezed around him, Dieter’s voice in his ear, his jacket sticking to his skin. He spilled inside the other man, tears and spit and snot pressed into Dieter’s neck, little words of praise coaxing him through the brunt of it. Eventually, the tears turned to laughter, the two of them clinging tighter as they made guesses at how many people heard them.

“Either way, I hope they enjoyed the show because I sure did,” Dieter teased, nipping his teeth on the hinge of Marcus’s jaw. 

They did a piss poor job of cleaning up, Dee’s cum barely wiped clean from the porcelain with a towel found below the counter, too high a thread count for something so filthy but neither man really gave two shits to look for an alternative. The products were tossed haphazardly into the sink, the idea of stacking them neatly ridiculous. They both agreed; you get what you ask for when you throw a party in the valley. 

Marcus took better care when it came time to clean Dieter up. He warmed up the water from the sink as best he could, using that same fancy towel from before to wipe up the trickle of cum slipping slowly down his backside. He couldn’t stop from stealing one small indulgence, using his thumb to press some of himself back inside the other man, Dieter’s legs visibly shaking from the sudden stimulation. Marcus shushed him with a soft kiss to one of the many bite marks littered across his neck, humming out a quiet apology.

“Do they hurt?”

“They do,” Dieter grinned, tilting his chin to admire the marks as he tugged his jeans up over the swell of his ass. “I’m gonna need a few more before I get on that plane tomorrow.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Mmmm, definitely.” 

Dieter pressed something hard into Marcus’s hand and when he looked down he could see it was his car keys, the silver teeth catching in the light. 

“Take me home, sweet boy. I have plans for you.”

There was that word again, breathed out so easily, like a promise he knew he would keep. 

Home. 

[boydepartment]

i have something to say and idk if it’s controversial or not. noncon/dubcon mentioned

i’ve had to block a few ppl in the enhypen tag like just #enhypen or #riki or #riki x reader . because of how much

noncon/dubcon riki stuff is in the predominately sfw tags.

i do not personally agree with that little community who writes sm-t for him bc all of them have this ego complex of “i’m just better bc i don’t care >:(“ no, you have a really irresponsible and immature mindset when it comes to conflict. just because you “don’t care” doesn’t make you a good person or better than people who tell you to c-t yourself or d-e. it’s even worse if you’re like “i know i’m not a good person >:)” like okaaaay joker go rob a bank or something then.

back to the point- it’s to the grey area of time now where you can’t really stop them now anyways because it’s down to personal preference and their comfort of writing for him that way whether it’s “morally correct” to me or anyone reading this or not.

the one hill i will die on though, is i do not fw dubcon or noncon. even if its written as a trauma response sharing it and pushing your idols or celebrities(riki or other idols) into that is extremely horrible. if you write it because of trauma- keep it to yourself, and that’s none of my business. people cope in different ways whether i agree with it or not. writing your favorite idols as r-pists or manipulators to get what they want s-ually is extremely messed up especially when posted onto a public platform in regular #(insert idol group) and predominantly not nsfw tags. it’s irresponsible and subjects a younger audience(especially on tumblr. ao3 is another mess but at least ao3 is primarily used by an older crowd) to being exposed to thinking intimate acts like that is normal, when its absolutely not. and you might think “who would think that? it’s writing!” the amount of times people have openly stated in the fanfiction community admitting that they have never had s-x but will just write what they’ve picked up on is insane. same argument that p—n ruins mental health and mental image of healthy relationships if exposed to watching and consuming that content for too long.

this is coming from someone who was r—ed. i think it’s extremely insensitive to push idols onto that whether it’s written as a trauma response to the action or not. you’re putting innocent people and writing them as r-pists. fiction or not that’s weird.

and if it’s not written as a trauma response, i don’t understand the smut dubcon/noncon community’s fascination of getting r-ped. it’s a terrible thing to happen and i don’t wish it on anyone. the ptsd from it and how unclean you feel is so gut wrenching and there’s nothing you can do about it. part of your life gets taken from you and you can never get it back. there is lifelong trauma after that. almost everyday i wish after it happened to me he just killed me so i wouldn’t have to live with it. i still get nightmares and it’s led to sh and other mental issues that i just have to deal with now. why is that a fantasy to people?

back to the topic of people writing noncon/dubcon for riki (or any other idol but i’ve been seeing WAY too much for riki)

i might get comments saying “it’s not that serious it’s fanfiction it’s not real”

you’re writing about an 18 year old boy r-ping someone (the READER)

it’s the same argument of nsfw drawings of characters who are children. just bc it’s not real doesn’t mean it’s not fucked up and weird.

it is that serious and it’s weird and gross and mentally deranged. i will die on that hill.

i wont attack these people or start fights like i used to, i have a life outside of tumblr. but on my downtime i do check the #enhypen tag. and to see this shit sometimes floating around or even on the #riki tag. is just fucked.

idk it just upsets me, i obviously block these people and move on from my life bc i have goldfish memory but there’s like five accounts that just kept popping up in the past week that i’ve had to block. i know some people might be like “oh you really showed them!!1!!1!” in an annoying way, but either way i stand by my point that it’s fucked up and i’m human so i’m allowed to get upset by it.

[neowinestainedress]

shattered glasses (all distorted) | lee jeno

title: shattered glasses (all distorted) | part 1 | masterlist | playlist

pairing: lee jeno x fem!oc/reader (no name used, written in third person) | side member: jeong jaehyun, oc's brother!jaemin | mentioned: lee haechan, park jisung, lee mark, suh johnny

genre: smut, fluff, angst, yandere-ish

summary: there’s only one way to survive in a cage made of rose-colored glasses: don’t shatter the glasses, reality will be painful to accept. 

warnings: yandere behaviours, stalking, possessiveness, (a LOT of) gaslighting, love-bombing, fights, violence, implied undefined mental health issues, dark themes overall, smut, voyeurism, masturbation (implied public masturbation), overstimulation, dumbification, oral sex (f/m), unprotected sex, dirty talk, praise, degradation, mentions of anal f receiving, Jeno is not mean as in the first one, but it doesn’t mean he’s better (sigh) | this one is darker than the first one so PLEASE read the warnings and make sure nothing triggers you. Just like the first one, it has no intentions of romanticizing these types of relationships, it’s simple fiction, written to dig deeper into morally grey characters and toxic behaviours that happen even in real life. If you recognize any of these signs of manipulation in your or your friend’s relationship reach out for help.

words: 28.723k

a/n: this was a lot to write, twisted my stomach but I also loved doing it. It would mean a lot to know what you think about it with comments, reblogs or asks. Especially how you feel about the ending because I had so many different ideas in mind and yeah, I’d love to hear your thoughts!

If you click ‘read more’ you agree you consent to what you’re reading and you’re fully responsible for the media you consume.

“Hi, bunny.” 

Her face lit up when she raised it and met Jeno’s eyes. “Hi, love.” Her voice came out loudly, cheering happily as she pushed closed the door of the bar she worked at. The spring breeze ruffled her hair. “I wasn’t expecting you to pick me up.” 

Jeno smiled, leaning down to leave a peck on her lips and giving her his arm so she could intertwine it with hers. “Finished earlier and I missed you, so I thought of passing by. Also, you know I don’t like it when you take the metro.” 

She chuckled, “I’m safe, nothing bad will happen to me.” It had been by now six months since they were dating, to be more correct, since they got back together. Forgiving him and trusting him again hadn’t been easy but not even as hard as she imagined, it was like Jeno had put a spell on her and he was also really good at being forgiven. He took care of her in a way nobody else ever did, maybe too much care. 

“Everything fine?” Jeno asked when, sitting in his car seat, he quickly turned around to stare at her and saw how she was nervously playing with her fingers. 

“Yeah, just, uhm… nothing.” 

Jeno quirked a brow before starting the car, looking at the street to make sure he could get out of the parking lot, but he had no intention to drop the conversation. “What’s going on? Is something bothering you?” 

“Not really, I just… Okay, there’s a new guy at work, and I don’t like the attention he gives me.” 

Jeno almost messed up changing the gear but the tone of his voice was composed as he tried to dig deeper. “Attention?” 

She nodded, thumb trapped in her teeth as she pulled her skin hard. 

He glanced at her, “Don’t do it, you’ll bleed,” he said, grabbing her hand and intertwining it with his, placing them on the stick. “What’s his name?” 

“Oh, you don’t even know him. But it’s fine, I guess he thinks I’m single. He’s nice, though, it’s just clear he’s trying to hit,” she chuckled, smiling dumbly at the way Jeno’s hand squeezed hers tighter. But Jeno didn’t find it funny at all. 

“Of course, he doesn’t know…” The words come out in a whisper, and for a moment he thought about stopping with this bullshit of keeping her a secret. “If he keeps bothering you let me know.” 

“Yeah, but you don’t have to worry. Tomorrow I’ll tell him I’m not single and I’m sure he will stop.” 

“I hope so,” Jeno grunted, letting go of her hand, placing it on her tight, because if he held it as tight as he was holding the wheel he would’ve broken her bones. 

“Can I stay at your place?” She asked when silence fell in the car.

A soft smile crept on Jeno’s face, “Sure, to be honest, you’re always there anyway so why would it bother me today?” 

“I don’t know…” she answered, leaving the phrase pend in the air. 

“Is this again about him?” 

“Who? Jaehyun?” 

“Jaehyun? So that’s his name?” He impressed his name in his brain, with the memo of reminding himself to dig deeper into him. 

“Yeah, but I told you, you have nothing to worry about.” 

“Then what is this about?” 

“My dad, Jeno. We had another fight,” she confessed, sighing heavily, and rubbing her temples in circles. 

“Another?” He asked, holding the wheel tighter. 

“Yeah, you know, the usual. He says he wasted money on me and that I’m a failure. He wants me to pay to live at their place.” 

“Are you for real?” Jeno’s tone got scarier and she turned around to reassure him, but her smile was fake and Jeno knew exactly what her fake smile looked like. “Don’t play with me.” 

“I just don’t want to think about him. You know he always says the same things and then never does anything.” She leaned against the window pane, hoping Jeno would’ve let go. Her relationship with her father had worsened in the last months. Since Jaemin moved out and got an amazing job in a company, her humble work at the bar was something to be ashamed of. And to add to the humiliation her parents felt since she still lived with them, they also rubbed in her face that she was always out — too much for their liking, as if they ever care to worry about them or what they were doing when they were the ones always around the globe for work. 

Jeno was about to talk again but decided to keep his mouth shut, turning on the radio because he couldn’t stand the silence between them. 

But there was something bothering him, thoughts running in his brain the whole evening, running so fast that a painful headache was starting to form. He shook his head, trying to push them out, but the more he stared at her, cuddled up against him on the sofa, laughing at a joke from the tv show they were watching, the more they haunted him. 

“I think you should move in with me.” 

She blinked repeatedly, not sure if he was talking to her or maybe was saying something out of nowhere. 

“I mean it, move in with me.” 

She scoffed, shaking her head, shifting in her seat to have a better view of his face. 

“Do I even have to remind you that you still don’t want my brother to know? Or wait, nobody has to know.” 

Jeno huffed, sighing loudly. “And? Do they have to know where you live?”

She furrowed, was he being serious? 

“And what do I do? Come here without telling my parents?” 

“Just tell them you’re moving out. They don’t want you there anymore. And, it’s not like they’d come visit you anyway. You’re not Jaemin, you don’t get any special treatment.” 

She didn’t answer, gulping because yes, he was right, but why did he have this habit of being so honest? Even if he didn’t have bad intentions he always hurt her so badly. 

“Don’t do that,” he said, making her lift her gaze again. “You know they don’t care about you, not like I do,” he added, caressing her cheek, gently rubbing his thumb on her skin. “You deserve so much better, bunny.” 

She hummed before turning around to face the tv again but this time with a heavy heart. “I — I’ll think about it.” 

“I don’t understand why you always treat me like this!” She screamed, slamming the door of her bedroom, knowing that for sure her father was going to get even madder. And as expected, the door slammed open. 

“Slam the door again and I’ll kick your ass out of this house. You have no idea of all the sacrifices we had to do to build up everything we have and you are a disgrace to your family.” 

“Honey, let her be,” her mother tried to calm him down, but her husband had no intention to listen. 

“Let her be? We gave up, paid for her art school, and look at her now, working in a fucking bar. And all she does is cry. Grow up. Be at least a quarter of what your brother is and then you’ll have my respect.” 

She fell to the floor, hugging her body to try to push her father’s harsh words away but it was a trick that didn’t work anymore. It never worked, not even when she was ten, and hid under the bed, hoping the pain would go away just like that. 

“I’m sorry,” she cried. “I’ll look for a better job, I’ll pay the bills, I’ll be the daughter you want me to be.” 

“You will never be her,” her father spat out before the door slammed close again. 

Her first reaction was to grab her phone and search for her boyfriend’s contact but then she stopped. Jeno would’ve told her once again that they didn’t love her and didn’t deserve her but those weren’t the words she wanted to hear. She even thought about calling Jaemin, but he had never been one to support her. He probably hated her more than her parents did. Calling her friends was off the table, they didn’t know what was going on behind closed doors and they couldn’t know. 

So the only solution was to lay on the cold floor and let tears flood her face, trying to don’t be too loud because she got on her family’s nerves even if she breathed too loudly. 

But while she laid there, she thought about what to do about her life. 

Of one thing she was sure, she couldn’t keep going on like this. 

“You feel weird?” Her best friend, Ningning, had asked her, a cute furrow on her face because she couldn’t understand what her friend meant exactly by that. 

“It’s a weird sensation, I don’t know how to explain,” she sighed, letting her head fall on the bed, watching her get ready for a night out she couldn’t go. 

“Maybe you just need to take your mind off this whole new ‘revolutionising your life’ thing,” Ningning proposed, turning around on the chair, while she applied the blush on her cheeks. “Come to the party.”

“I can’t,” she sighed, hugging the pillow. It had been around two weeks by now since she started trying to make her father happier, nothing had changed for now, but she was hoping for better results soon. She started sending her resume to different companies and was also looking for a small apartment she could afford on her own. 

“Hyuck told me Jeno will be there, too,” Ningning said, raising a brow and smirking. 

“Hyuck? Really? Are you two…?” 

“Shut up, this is not about us. Focus on Jeno, I saw the way he was looking at you the last time we went out.”

Right… Jeno. Jeno and all of her friends not knowing what was going on between them. Jeno and the break she took with him two weeks ago so she could fully focus on her life. 

“I don’t have a crush on him anymore,” she replied, sitting on the bed, looking for her phone because she wanted to make sure Jeno wasn’t going to the party with them. But then guilt took over, they had barely spoken in the past days, just a morning and night text every day and some casual checks up two days a week, that was all she could afford; he was too much of a distraction. But it didn’t seem fair to break her own rules because she was afraid of him being surrounded by pretty girls without her around. 

“Are you sure?” Ningning smirked, fixing her black dress, grinning at her friend from the mirror. 

“Yeah,” she sighed, standing up from the bed. “By the way, you look amazing, and I have to go back home.” 

Ningning smiled at the compliment but then her face turned serious, “Wait, about that feeling,” she stopped her before she could get out of the door. “My mom’s a therapist, maybe she can help you with that. You’re really stressed lately,” the blonde cooed, cupping her cheeks and leaving a peck on her forehead. “I want my cheerful baby back.” 

She chuckled, kissing her friend’s cheek before opening the door. “I’ll reach out to her if things get worst.” 

Jeno didn’t want to appear like a perverted psycho, obsessed with her, but he couldn’t understand how everything seemed to be completely fine for her. 

Why didn’t she miss him like he missed her? 

Why was she always so happy? Not that he wanted her to be miserable but wasn’t she going through some shit? So why was she always smiling? Especially with Jaehyun. 

To be completely honest, Jeno didn’t want to stare, not the first time, at least. It happened that he casually passed by the bar she worked at and saw her, giving him her back, cleaning a table that was close to the window but not enough that she could see him. A smile formed on his face, after five days he finally saw her again, soft hair pulled back into a bun by the silk rubber band he had gifted her and her delicate smile dimpling her cheek.

That was all Jeno needed to see to make his day better, right before someone else appeared in his line of sight. A man who must have been no older than four years of them, he was tall, and from the white T-shirt that hugged his body, Jeno could glimpse the outlined muscles beneath the thin fabric. Light brown hair fell softly over his forehead, long enough to cover his dark eyes if he did not move it with his hands. 

But Jeno could care less about him as a person. Why was he so close to her? Why was she laughing with him? Why was she touching him? What could he possibly have said that was so funny that she felt the need to rest her hand on his bicep and smile at him like that, tilting her head, pinching her tongue between her teeth, and scrunching her nose? 

Repressing the urge to enter by slamming the door and dragging her away from him was difficult, but after taking a deep breath he decided to leave. The blood boiled in his veins, and he could not get those images out of his mind. They ran through his mind like the end credits of a movie, something he did not want to see but his mind replayed and replayed as if it wanted to torture him.

So it was just obvious that the next day Jeno found himself there again. 

Jeno had no idea anymore about the shifts she was working, he knew what it was like to work in that bar, practically never the same routine because there was always someone with problems popping up at the last minute. But by the middle of the week, Jeno seemed to get the hang of it. 

She was working every day, all day. Excluded the few hours when she went out, presumably to go to job interviews with the agencies she had contacted. He even wondered how legal all of that was but once again, he wasn’t surprised knowing the place. 

But why?

He huffed, taking off his jacket as he died from the heat even though the car, parked in a strategic place that allowed him to see without being seen, was not started. He had discovered that parking lot a few months earlier, total causality, but he had always liked it because there was something thrilling about being able to spy on her from a distance. And luckily, it was coming in handy now. 

‘How are you doing? Everything okay at home?’

There it was; the first extra message of the week was gone and he could only hope to receive a response that would reassure him. 

But the answer was not coming, and he was beginning to lose patience, puffs of air escaping noisily from his lips as his slender fingers and feet in the black converse tapped at a pace present only in his mind. 

His nervous movements stopped when he saw her exit the bar, smiling as she held the door for someone else. 

Him. 

Again. 

His eyebrows curved as his lips rippled in an expression mixed between confusion and anger. Eyes darkening as the two leaned back against the short wall to...eat? 

Jeno’s eyes moved quickly to the watch around his wrist. 

4 p.m. 

Definitely too late for lunch.

A snack? While they laughed together? And stayed so close to each other?

“Fuck,” he muttered, wanting to roll down the window to hear what they were talking about, but to do so he would’ve had to start the car and they would’ve surely heard him. “Why the fuck does she always laugh so hard when she’s with him?”

Then he remembered that she still didn’t answer, and his fingers tightened even more firmly around the steering wheel. Only to relax when she reached for her phone to answer...

“She’s not answering?” He whispered, watching in disbelief as she said something to him before putting the phone back in her pocket and smiling once again at something he said. 

“Who the fuck does he think he is?”

Jeno had no idea who he was, but he was sure he was going to find out.

When another week had passed, she was wrecked. Not only the full shifts to make some more money were mentally and physically killing her, but that weird sensation seemed to be growing instead of disappearing. She felt constantly watched and Ningning kept telling her that it was just stress, she just needed to relax, or maybe call an exorcist because ‘you’re never sure about the people who have died inside your house and never left.’ 

But she rolled her eyes at her friend’s words, deciding that the best solution was the first. 

So she laid on her bed, luckily for her, her parents weren’t home, so she had this whole Sunday night to herself. 

The temptation to call Jeno was high. She missed him like crazy and even if she wouldn’t have called him over, maybe hearing his voice through a call was better than trying to reminisce him, his tone, his sinful words, or his touches. 

But then she decided not to. 

She had learned a lot of things in these past months, but she was still a bit ashamed of talking about this and the idea of sexting, or whatever it was called, so that stopped her from picking up her phone. 

She could use some imagination. So she tried to replicate what Jeno did. Letting her hands wander on her body, slowly, taking time to let all her nerves wake up and get drunk at the sensation. It wasn’t like getting touched by him, the goosebumps erupting from her skin weren’t even close to the ones that Jeno’s fingers provoked, but it was better than nothing. 

When the teasing got too much, not satisfying her enough, she slipped out of her clothes, laying bare on her bed, sheets crumpled at the end of the mattress as she tried to relax against the soft surface. Her fingers already knew the path, tracing down her skin by memory until they reached the spot she needs to touch the most. Fingertips circling on her clit after gathering the wetness that pooled out of her. 

Her head rolled back as her fingers quickened the pace, moving fast to reach the first climax that already made her feel better, but it still wasn’t enough. So her fingers slipped inside her with ease, pumping and curling inside of her the same way Jeno did, they didn’t reach as deep as him, and she felt like she didn’t know herself as deeply as Jeno did, but if she closed her eyes, she could see him. His body hovering over hers, one hand to keep himself up, pressing on the mattress close to her head, while the other was buried deep into her. Praising how good she was taking him, how messy she was, how desperate she was for him. Already looking wrecked just with a touch. 

“Fuck,” she moaned loudly when she came for the second time, walls clenching around her fingers and chest heaving. 

She stood there for a while, combatted between stopping there or doing more. But then her needs took over and she turned around to search for something in her bottom drawer. 

The toy Jeno had gifted her. 

She could still remember how embarrassed she was when he gave it to her, but she couldn’t deny that it had turned out useful. Not that Jeno ever left her without him for long, but during those rare occasions when they weren’t together, or when they wanted to do something different, she liked it. 

She brought it to her lips, slowly starting to suck it to get it wet, and then pushed it past her entrance, the tip stretching her out before she let it fill her completely. 

“Mhh, so good,” she breathed out, eyelashes fluttering as she moved it in and out. Legs parting more to make it reach deeper and angle it better exactly how she liked it. 

“Jeno,” she started moaning out his name, eyes closed as her brain pictured him instead, his touch still lingering on her skin, his moans filling her ears, his cock rubbing against her insides. 

“Louder.”

“Jeno,” she screamed. It was like she could hear him. As if he was right there, at the edge of the bed, staring at her, boring holes into her skin. 

“Je — Jeno,” she breathed out, so close to coming again… 

Her blood froze in her veins when a loud sound came from outside and the bushes moved. She gulped, toy falling to the side when she pulled it out so fast that she almost hurt herself. Her legs started shaking more, and this time not from pleasure, as she slowly started walking to the window after throwing a blanket on herself. She looked outside, but there was nothing, or better, nobody. She took a breath of relief, maybe it was a stray cat or the wind, it surely was that. 

But when she turned back, she saw her phone on the bedside table, forgotten while she was trying to destress. She walked to it, not even knowing why, but worrying when she saw so many texts from Jeno’s contact but her heart dropped for another reason as she scrolled through them. 

“I miss you.” 

“I know I shouldn’t text you.” 

“I know it’s hard for you but I can’t help it.” 

“I’m thinking about you.” 

“I’m thinking about you while I’m touching myself.” 

“I miss your mouth so much.” 

“are you thinking about me when you touch yourself?” 

“your fingers are not like mine” 

“I wouldn’t stop like you”

“I’d make you come over and over just with them” 

“Are you thinking about me while you pretend – 

That that toy can satisfy you like my cock” 

“what I’d give to feel you again.” 

“to have you spread like this on my bed.” 

“Moan my name” 

“louder”

“I want to hear you”

“you’re so fucking hot when you’re about to come”

She looked around in panic, holding the blanket that was covering her tighter, and ran back to close the blinds. That was just a coincidence, right? He simply missed her and masturbated thinking about her and as a mere coincidence she was doing it too. He must’ve only guessed she was fingering herself, and that she was sucking her toy before fucking herself with it. Probably he was drunk and was just ranting about how badly he missed her. 

It had to be a creepy, odd coincidence. 

She would’ve talked to him the next day. 

“I was thinking that if you need a good job maybe my dad could set you up somewhere,” Jeno proposed. They had finally met after what felt like decades, it wasn’t the type of date Jeno wanted to have — grocery wasn’t exactly how he wanted to spend time with her — but it was better than nothing. 

“If my dad finds out I work for your dad he’d be even madder about it. And why would your father hire me? Because I’m your girlfriend? He doesn’t even know it. And I don’t want to get a job like this.” 

“Well, but you’re smart, I’m sure he can find a place for you.” His father was never a presence emotionally but when it came to money and favors he believed they could replace a hug or a word of comfort, so Jeno was sure he could help.

She shook her head, cancelling something from the list before pushing the kart again. 

“Thanks, but no, I’m dealing with this by myself.” 

Jeno hummed, looking at her while she searched for something on the shelves. “I miss you,” he said for the nth time. “I know why you’re doing this, I know I promised I was going to wait for you but… not seeing you at all is too much.” 

She turned around, pushing him to the side to let an old lady walk next to them. “You think it’s not hard for me? You are the only good thing I have in my life right now and I’m pushing it away to make proud of me a man that probably will never be. How do you think I feel?” 

“But that’s the point. You’re doing this for your father, not for you. When will you put yourself first and stop trying to please others? Especially him. He paid you dust all your life, and gave everything to Jaemin. You could be the Ceo of Samsung one day and it still won’t be enough for him so why are you tearing your happiness apart for him?” 

She swallowed hard, “Lower your voice, please.” 

Jeno scoffed, pushing the kart past her, and ripping the list from her hands. 

“Jeno, stop,” she said, running after him. “I don’t want to talk about this in public.” 

“Sure, or you don’t want to talk about this at all because you’re too busy licking his boots, right?” 

She stopped, feeling on the verge of tears again. “You’re supposed to be my happy place not another source of pain,” she replied, facing him and glaring at him. 

“I’m sorry,” he apologized immediately, pulling her into a hug. “I’m sorry, I know this is a lot for you but it gets me so mad seeing you crawl for him when he doesn’t deserve you. But at the end of the day he’s your father,” he said, pulling away, caressing her nape, “and I can’t come between you two. I’m sure you’ll make him proud.” 

She lowered her head, rubbing her hands against her arms before she started walking again. 

“Hey, I’m sorry.”  

“I know, I… I know you are. I promise you just until I find a better job and then we’ll get back to before.” 

“He offered you a job?” Ningning squealed, looking at her in disbelief, and shaking Yeri’s shoulders. 

“Are you sure it’s not a scam? Didn’t he just start working at your bar?” 

“He needed some money to have more safety for his and his friend’s business. But when he heard about my degree he was so happy to propose me a place.” 

“Oh, well, that’s good then. I hope it turns well for you, you deserve it.” Her friend cheered, finally happy she could stop stressing over work. 

“Yeah, and now I can also finally spend more time with J — with you, I had missed you so much.” 

“Talking about that,” Ningning said, a grin curling her lips, “Hyuck’s throwing a night at his place. He told me to bring some friends.” 

“Oh, I think I’ll pass.” 

“Weren’t you happy two seconds ago about spending time with us?” Yeri asked, pouting at her and crossing her arms in front of her chest. 

“Yeah, but you know I don’t get along with his friends, we only got close to them because apparently, these two can’t stop fucking.” 

“Hey! Watch your words,” Ningning warned with a threatening pointy finger. “I’m sure it will be fun, come on.” 

“I don’t know, I’ll let you know tomorrow, okay?” 

“You can be so boring sometimes,” the blonde joked, “but it’s fine, we get it if you want to get some of the sleep you didn’t have these weeks.”

“Bunny?” Jeno answered the phone. “Is everything okay?” 

“Yeah, never been better.” 

“Never been better? What happened?” He wanted to ask if her father died but seeing the way she reacted to critics against him it was better not to. 

“I found a job!” She exclaimed cheerfully. 

“Really? That’s amazing, bunny. What company hired you?” He should’ve gone back inside to work, but he was more focused on this. He could finally have her back. 

“Well, it’s not exactly a company,” she explained. “It’s a new business but it’s related to what I studied for. Jaehyunnie was so hyped when I casually talked about my studies that he immediately offered it to me. I had an interview this morning with his other friend that technically will be our boss when we’ll fire ourselves from here and he was so happy about me —”

“Wait, wait, wait…” he said, stopping her in her tracks. “Jaehyunnie?” 

“Oh, yeah, Jaehyun. Remember? The new guy at the bar.” 

Him. 

“And you got so close that you call him by that nickname?” 

“Yeah, I basically taught him everything, it was impossible not to get close to. He’s a really nice friend. And most importantly he gave me this job.” 

Jeno scoffed. 

“What’s so funny?” She asked, not understanding his reaction, smile dropping because she expected him to be happy. 

“No, nothing. When I wanted to offer you, my girlfriend, a job, a well-paid one, in an already started business it was a nasty way to get there with connections, but this is fine.” 

“It’s different,” she replied, her enthusiasm dying as soon as she heard his tone. 

“Oh, really, how? No wait, I know how. You let a stranger help you terribly but not your boyfriend.”

“But — but it’s what I like to do. You said that I shouldn’t have crawled for my father but do what I like.” 

“Yes, but do something that gave you an opportunity. If he had this job why would he work there?”

“It’s already a started business, they’re simply bringing it to Seoul and finally with a physical building. I thought you were going to be happy for me…” Her heart sank in her chest, this was the last reaction she expected. 

“I am, I’m so happy for you. I hope it won’t let you down.” 

“You’re not really —”

“I have to go, bye.”

When the phone shut down, she felt a bitter taste in her mouth. Grunting, she let her body fall against the bed, the sheets hollowing around her frame. She couldn’t get why he acted like this. Why couldn’t he just be happy for her? 

She thought about calling him again or texting him to explain the situation again, but she was too happy to deal with his mood swing, so she grabbed her phone again and texted Ningning instead. 

‘If you save some time to celebrate me, I’m coming to Hyuck’s place.’ 

It took Ningning two seconds to respond and making her smile again.

‘Ofc! I knew I could count on you.’ 

‘I’m sorry for the way I reacted the other day. I know how big you dream I’m afraid he might get your hopes up and you will be even more hurt, and you know why…’ 

‘Make-up dinner at my place? I’ll pick you up at 7?’ 

She sighed, watching the phone light up just when she was done getting ready for the small gathering with the others. She couldn’t lie to him, Hyuck would’ve told him if she went there, and there were high chances Jaemin was going to be there too. So one way or another, Jeno was going to find out the truth. 

‘I can’t tonight, I already have plans. Sorry.’ 

That was not the message Jeno expected to see. 

That was not a message Jeno wanted to see. 

‘Plans? With who?’ 

He typed it out calmly, but inside of him something bubbled, leg throbbing nervously as he waited for an answer that was slow to come. 

What the fuck was she doing? What games what she playing? 

‘I wanted to ask you if you went when I called you yesterday, but then you got mad and I didn’t.’ 

‘I’m going with the girls to Hyuck’s place.’ 

His body froze. 

Haechan? Since when she liked his company? And why the fuck he knew nothing about this? 

‘Is he throwing a party?’ He typed because it was the calmest question that was running in his brain as he walked to his bedroom to change into new clothes immediately. 

‘he didn’t tell you?’ 

‘well, anyway it’s just something small. And it’s also a small celebration for me.’ 

He groaned, picking up the phone and calling her. 

“Where are you?” 

“What do you mean where I am?” She answered, surprised by his tone, a mix between angry, worried and something else she couldn’t point out. 

“Where the — where are you?” He calmed down, opening the front door to jump into his car. “I’ll take you there.” 

“You don’t have to. Ning is coming, it’s the only way to don’t make her pass out.” 

“I don’t care, I’ll pick you up.” 

“You didn’t even know about the party, why can’t I go alone?” 

Jeno stopped the car, afraid he was going to get in an accident. “Now you want to go there alone? Am I getting heavy?” 

“No, I didn’t say that. But, we have to be extremely careful and we can’t be together anyway so just stay at home.” 

Jeno clenched his fist around the wheel. 

“Why do you even want to go there?” 

“To spend time with the girls,” she replied, trying to muffle the annoyed sighs that were threatening to roll out.  

“As if they will spend it with you,” he snorted. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Ningning will be all up Haechan in less than half an hour and Yeri will be kissing Mark as soon as you step inside. What are you left with? Your brother and Jisung?” 

“It’s not a party, they won’t leave to make out…” she mumbled, starting to get nervous, nervously fidgeting with the zip of her dress. 

“Why don’t you just let me pass by and I’ll celebrate you?” 

“You weren’t even happy about my job,” she replied bitterly.

“I explained it to you, please.” 

“They are here,” she replied when the bell rang, grabbing her purse, and rushing to the door. “We’ll see each other another time.” 

Jeno punched the wheel before he started driving to Haechan’s place anyway. He wasn’t going to let her go alone. 

The party, or night together, was a bit of a bummer, right at the moment she didn’t want to prove Jeno right but his predictions came true. 

Her friends had disappeared and she was left alone with her brother, Jisung and two other people she had never met. 

She was even tempted to call Jeno, find lame excuses about how the party ended sooner and spend some time with him, but she didn’t want to humiliate herself like that. Sure, Jeno couldn’t know this had been a failure. 

But Jeno knew it. He had grown up in that house and he knew all the exact spots to see inside without being caught, also helped by Haechan’s habit of keeping all the blinds open. He could see her sitting on the couch, an empty glass in hand and a fake smile on her face as she talked to Jisung. 

‘having fun?’ 

He smiled when she grabbed her phone and smiled after reading his name, but his smile dropped as soon as she locked it again and didn’t answer. 

What was she doing? Was it a way to pretend she was so caught up in the party she had no time to answer him? Smart move, he had to give that to her. 

“Can you go call them?” She asked her brother when it was getting too much, and he rolled his eyes. 

“Why do you want to ruin their fun? Unlike you, they’re having it.” 

“They can fuck when they don’t have guests at home.” 

“They’re not fucking, you would hear them,” he grinned, backed up by Jisung, “but fine, I’ll go call them.” 

As soon as he left she grabbed her phone again, a small smile on her face while she answered Jeno’s texts. 

‘yep, it’s chill but nice. I missed the girls.’ 

‘and you?’ 

He smirked, shaking his head, before bringing it on her again, nervously scratching her neck and looking around. She was so out of place, he would’ve never got why she tried so hard to fit in them. 

‘like shit without you|’

‘like shit|’

‘like|’ 

‘going to sleep soon.’ 

‘can we see each other tomorrow? fix this like adults?’ 

But her answer never came since the girls came back downstairs and her phone slipped into the back of her mind. And Jeno almost hit the window with a punch, he didn’t like how easy it was for her to push him in the back of her mind. 

“This room is so expensive; you spoil me too much.” The suite they were staying in for the weekend was luxurious, she had no idea how much Jeno had spent on it, but it was surely more than she could imagine, and for now, even afford. 

“Had to have you all to myself for a few days,” he replied, grabbing the bottle of champagne and winking at her. 

“I basically moved in with you.” She walked closer to him, sitting on the big crème armchair, watching attentively as he poured the alcohol into the flutes. 

“Basically, but not officially,” he reminded her, eyebrows raising, and a hint of bitterness in the tone of his voice. “Also, your new job is taking you away from me.” 

The laugh that rolled out of her mouth was carefree, but Jeno found it slightly annoying, he wasn’t kidding. The hours of her shifts were weird, and never the same, even if they wanted to, they couldn’t plan anything during the week. 

“So, that’s why you’re taking me away? This is like the third weekend we spent traveling around.” 

Jeno hummed, sitting on the armrest before handing her one of the two glasses. “Don’t you love it? You have me all to yourself for two days straight,” he said, caressing her cheek, before his hand moved down her neck, making her close her eyes at the tickling touch. “No work,” he whispered, taking a gulp of champagne and kissing her, passing the liquid into her mouth, making her squirm and moan once she swallowed. “No annoying father,” he added, kissing her again, tongue playing with hers. “No worries,” he finished, pulling away, placing the glasses on the closest table and pulling her in his arms. 

No friends. And especially no Jaehyun. He wanted to add, but those were thoughts he had to keep to himself. 

So instead of thinking of them, he laid her on the bed, he was going to make her forget about them in another way. 

“Let me take care of you,” he hummed, kissing her jawline, nibbling her earlobe, and making her giggle. “What’s so funny?” 

She shook her head, “I’m sensitive there, it’s ticklish.” 

He smiled, “Do you mind if I kiss you… here?” His lips landed on her neck, precisely on the spot between her jaw and neck, sucking it and pulling away with a loud pop. And then he moved down, kissing her collarbone. His hands promptly pulled her dress off her, revealing her body to him. “The set I got you, uh?” 

She nodded, arms covering her chest, the bralette pushing her boobs up, making her feel exposed. 

“Still hiding from me, bunny? Really?” 

“I’m not used to seeing myself in these things…” she confessed.

Jeno snickered, hand moving behind her back, unclasping it. “Off it goes, then.” 

A moan slipped loudly out of her mouth when his lips wrapped around her nipples, sucking avidly, already making her squirm at the bare touch. 

He had her in the palm of his hands, it was so easy to maneuver her. 

“Will make you feel so good bunny, you will even forget your name,” he whispered after pulling away from her with a loud sound. “Need you to be relaxed, can’t stand seeing you come home from work and be exhausted,” he whispered, moving his hand on her laced panties, rubbing his fingers on her lips, already feeling the fabric get wetter. 

“Please,” she mumbled, the word coming out muffled as she kept her lips trapped in her teeth. 

Jeno chuckled, “Please? You want that baby?” He hummed, fingers pressing harder on her clit as he moved them in circles. “Want me to turn you into a brain-empty bunny?” 

“Yes, please,” she replied, voice barely higher than a whisper, while she forced her eyes open to look at him. Chest already raising faster as he kept teasing her, moving his fingers up and down on the panties, not leaving a single inch of her sensitive zone untouched. 

“Stop squirming, baby,” he ordered, keeping her in place by pressing an open hand on her stomach. “I won’t give you more, need you to be patient.” 

“But I want you,” she pleaded, still trying to stay still and listen to his orders, but it was quite hard when his fingers felt like a mocking tease, barely grazing her and then giving her what she wanted, a back and forth that was driving her insane. 

“I know, bunny, I know, but good girls aren’t greedy, remember?”

She hummed, giving up, it was useless, he always got what he wanted anyway. 

“Come here,” he ordered, swiftly getting off the bed, and waiting for her to follow. “Now,” he ordered when she was staring at him with a confused — slightly disappointed — look on her face. “On your knees,” he said, watching attentively as she positioned on the floor in front of him. “Oh, look at your face, bunny. Eager to suck my cock?” 

She nodded, a shy smile on her face, “You never let me do it…” she whispered, hesitantly placing her hands on his belt, waiting for his nod to start undressing him. “Sometimes I fear I’m not good at it.” 

“Oh, honey, no,” he cooed, thumb caressing her cheek, smirking when her eyes lightened up when she freed his cock from his underwear. “You’re so good, came so far from the messy girl of your first time, remember?” 

“Unfortunately,” she whispered, lowering her gaze, but Jeno cupped her face and forced her up. 

“Look at me, bunny. Keep your eyes on me when you take it all in your mouth, you can do it, right?” She nodded, tongue rolling out, waiting for him to push his tip inside. “Good bunny,” he praised, hand moving back to grab her hair and gently push her on his hard cock. “If you’re good I’ll give you everything you want. I’ll fuck you all night, baby, you want that? Yes, you do, come on, suck it.” 

In a second her head started moving back and forth, at first slowly, wetting it before she started sucking with force. 

“Fuck,” Jeno groaned, throwing his head back, tightening the hold on her hair but not forcing her head against him, giving her complete control. “You’re so good, bunny. So fucking good.” 

The praise got to her head, ass swinging side to side as she shifted closer to him and started reaching deeper, the tip of his cock hitting her throat, nose rubbing against his abs with every thrust. She could feel she was already making a bigger mess in her panties, the way Jeno was looking down at her and how deep his moans were, almost making her come on the spot. 

And Jeno loved how concentrated she was even if she was barely holding it together, always such a good girl, his good girl. A cute furrow creating deep creases on her forehead and big eyes looking up into him.

“That’s it,” he groaned, nails grazing her neck, causing more moans to vibrate around his length. “Want me to fuck you?” He asked, dark eyes staring deeply into hers while she nodded eagerly. “Beg for it,” he ordered.

She was about to pull away but Jeno pushed her flush against him, keeping her there, looking up with confused eyes. “I said, beg me to fuck you.” 

He chuckled deeply when she gagged around him, gargling around his size while she tried to speak, “I know you can’t talk, I don’t really care, you sound so pretty with your mouth stuffed. Beg.” 

She huffed, placing her hands on his thighs to hold herself somewhere and started muffling around him, not a single word made sense and it only caused her to make more of a mess, spit drooling down her chin to the floor.  

“Fuck,” Jeno groaned, throwing his head back. “You sound so pretty when you can’t form a single coherent thought, bunny. Just a mess in my hands, aren’t you?” 

She hummed, trying to nod but the hold he had on her barely made her move. 

“Want me to fuck you dumb, bunny? Yeah? Until your mind goes completely blank?” She nodded, gasping when he pulled her away, sucking in the air in her lungs with greed. 

“Yes, please, please. I want to — want to think about nothing at all.” 

Jeno smiled, thumb brushing her lips, smearing the mix of drool and cum before he pushed it deep into her mouth, thumb pressing on her tongue, triggering her gag reflex. “You don’t gag around my cock, though,” he chuckled while pulling out, cock twitching at her already fucked out eyes. He couldn’t wait to ruin her even more. 

“Open up again for me,” he instructed, a deep moan rumbling in his chest when she obeyed with no hesitation. “I’m gonna grab the back of your neck and fuck your pretty face just how I want,” he said, pushing into her, moving slowly, making her feel the veins of his dick, and pulling out just to tease her lips with his head, “and then I’ll give you all you want,” he groaned as he pushed in, “everything you deserve.” 

Jeno wasn’t gentle, he never was when he lost his mind at the sight of her looking like a mess under him, letting him do whatever he wanted. His hips slamming with force, the lewd sounds of his balls hitting her chin, and the gargling and gagging sounds he was eliciting out of her mouth. He couldn’t last when she started squirming and he knew she was trying to squeeze her thighs to feel something. 

“Fuck, fuck, that’s it, bunny. Take my cum,” he said through gritted teeth, keeping her still against him, while he came into her mouth, so deep into her throat, she had no choice but to swallow, not that she would’ve spat anyway. 

When Jeno pulled out she finally breathed again, head low as she tried to clean the mess on her face, not really making it better since it dripped on her body even more. 

“Jeno,” she screamed when he lifted her up without a warning. 

“What? I doubt you can walk to the bed,” he joked, kissing her and lying her on the soft mattress. “You did such a great job.” 

“No-now can you fuck me?” 

He chuckled at her shyness, shaking his head as he positioned himself between her legs, fingers hooking in the band of her panties, drenched panties, to roll them down her smooth legs. 

“I promised you I would, and I always keep my promises,” he winked before his fingers slipped into her, a broken moan sticking into her throat at the unexpected intrusion. “You’re so wet, you really love sucking my cock, don’t you?” 

She started to answer but Jeno shushed her, “Don’t talk, I don’t need your words, your body is already answering me.” After a few knuckles-deep thrusts, he pulled out, cleaning his fingers on her thighs before starting to pump his cock up and down. Jeno didn’t add any more words before parting her legs more and slowly pushing in, eyes closing as he enjoyed the sensation, every time like the first time. “You always feel so good, bunny, I will never get used to you, fuck.” 

The comment made her smile, eyes rolling in the back of her head, and hips rolling up against him, it was always so much and yet never enough. It was like Jeno made her addicted to him, every time slipping under her skin a bit more, a bit deeper, just enough until there was nobody else left inside of her. 

Just like right now, his big body caging her underneath him, almost folding her in two so easily, playing with her like a chess piece. A frown on his face as he concentrated on the deep and intense strokes inside of her. 

But it was almost as if there was something different, she had no idea if the expensive room had something to do with it, or maybe it was the dinner they had before, probably the alcohol, but her body was on fire, nerves out and head already empty. 

“Jeno,” she could barely sputter out, trying hard to focus on his frame. 

“Yes, bunny, just let go,” he replied before kissing her again, hips fucking against her in a steady rhythm that was already triggering another orgasm out of her. “I want your brain empty,” he moaned. “Don’t want you to worry about anything, just — just focus on me.” His finger quickly pressed against her clit, a buzzing sensation sparkling up in her body, climax hitting before she could even do anything, leaving her gasping with eyes open at the unexpected wave of pleasure. 

Jeno didn’t stop though, he had no intention of being nice that night, he meant it when he said he wanted her brain empty. 

She could barely whine in complaint when he pulled out, swiftly turning her over, strong arms turning her around as if she was lightweight, and that only made her cunt squeeze around nothing. In a few seconds his cock was inside her again, hitting deeper and harder. 

“So pretty, bunny, so fucking pretty,” he moaned, cupping her asscheeks with rough tugs.  

“Jeno, I —”

“I told you, you don’t have to think,” he groaned. “Need to fuck you harder. Come here.” He pulled out again and lifted her up in his arms, walking around the bed. 

She wanted to ask what he wanted to do and if standing up was a smart idea but his words shut her up, he knew what he was doing, she just had to trust him. A scream rippled out of her mouth when his arms slipped behind her knees, holding them up flat against her chest while his cock slipped into her again. Her head rolled back but Jeno groaned, “Keep your head up, I want you to look at me fuck you stupid.” 

Moans and whimpers rolled out of her mouth, barely thinking he already fucked her stupid, he couldn’t do more than this. But Jeno still proved her wrong, they never tried this position before and she felt like her breath was getting caught out. It wasn’t only the position, it was the way his toned arms were flexing with the struggle of fucking her up and down on him, it was the thin layer of sweat pearling his smooth skin, it was in the way his moans and groans hit right against her ear and drove her insane. 

Jeno was everywhere, all over her, inside and outside. 

“See how pretty you are? How good your pussy’s opening up to me?” 

She shook her head, too ashamed to let her eyes meet her reflection in the mirror right where their bodies were meeting. 

“Look down, come on bunny,” he ordered, locking his fingers behind her neck and forcing her head down. 

She moaned louder, the lewd image of cum dripping down his balls and to the floor and the wet sounds caused by his deep thrusts, making her toes curl up. 

“I’m — I’m clo-close,” she whimpered, tears starting to pool at the corners of her eyes. 

Jeno wanted to tease her and tell her to hold it but he couldn’t hold it anymore, and he wanted to wear her out. So his hips started moving faster, hitting her wet spot and making her come in his arms, triggering his orgasm too. He almost fell down on the bed before he laid her down on the mattress. 

“More, please, one more,” she begged, voice hoarse and eyes shiny from tears. “Want to feel you again.” 

“My stupid bunny wants more?” Jeno cooed, fingers slipping inside her, making her shiver, pumping in and out just to tease, thumb rubbing her clit sending sparks down her body. “Want more cock? Need more cock, bunny?” 

She hummed, lips trapped in her teeth, chest heaving, and sweat rolling down her forehead. 

A grin formed on his face before he pushed inside her again, “So warm and wet, bunny. So fucking good for me.” 

A fucked out smile showed on her face but there were truly no thoughts, not coherent at least, in her brain. Too fogged by pleasure and him. 

And Jeno was getting high at the sight of her, nobody else distracting her from him. It was only them. Chants of his name the only word that came out of her plump, swollen lips, together with soft moans and cries. 

“So, pretty, you’re — fuck — you’re so, so pretty,” he groaned, pulling her closer to him, lifting her hips, hitting deeper, fingers dipping with force in the skin of her waist. “My beautiful, precious bunny.” 

The praise shouldn’t have had that effect on her and her heart but it did, because after all that time it still felt surreal that she was his, that after years of yearning she was there, in his arms, that those words and that love were for her. It wasn’t a fantasy anymore, it was their reality. 

“Jeno,” his name came out like a scream, hips rolling back, making him slip even further, causing him to growl at the sight and how much he could feel her. He was about to lose it again, his brain spinning swiftly too as he got lost in the way his cock was stretching her, slipping back and forth with quick strokes. Cum spilling out of her. “Please.” 

“Please, what? Tell me what you want. If there’s any thought left in your empty brain, bunny, tell me what you need.” 

She gasped, nails clenching around the bedding, and jaw locked while hisses rippled out. “Your — your cum, please, please, please,” she wept, tears rolling down her burning cheeks, broken sobs muffling her moans. 

Jeno’s hips started slamming faster against her ass and thighs, so fast she wondered how he didn’t leave marks on her skin. His eyes rolled back when her cunt started squeezing around him with more force, barely giving him space to pull out and fuck into her. 

“Gonna come all over my cock?” He groaned, cupping her cheek, running his hand in her wet hair, before his thumb circled her cheek, rubbing the burning hot skin. “Yeah? All empty in the brain and full in your cunt?” 

“Y-yeah, please,” her voice broke in her throat when the pleasure became unbearable, back arching forming a bow and orgasm rushing all over her body leaving no trace of sanity behind. 

The groans coming from Jeno were groggy and deep, almost animalistic, cunt incredibly tight sucking him, cock throbbing inside her while spurts of white painted her insides. “Fuck,” Jeno muttered through gritted teeth, climax dimming slowly, eyes dropping on her face, tears still rolling copiously on her cheeks and lips letting out heavy puffs of air. 

“You okay?” He asked, lips leaving wet kissing on her jaw, fingers caressing her hair while he slowly pulled out, a river of cum dripping down on the mattress. She could barely nod, eyes already shut, and a small smile on her face. Jeno grinned, kissing her lips, and pulling her close in his arms, he would’ve cleaned her later. 

“I love you so much, bunny, even more when you go dumb on me.” 

Jeno didn’t like it when she lied. And lately, it was happening too often. 

He didn’t even mind if she could feel that he was mad from the way he was looking at her, or that he seemed more distant. 

Why? 

Why was she lying? Why was she treating Jaehyun like a secret? 

“You’re home already?” He asked surprised when he heard the sound of the keys in the slot door. He knew she was home, he was staring out of the window when he saw her get out of a car that wasn’t his, and not even of their friends, and he even knew who dropped her by. 

“Yeah, finished early,” she replied, rushing to him to leave a peck on his lips. “But I didn’t want to make you run there so I came alone.” 

“Took the metro?” He asked, raising a brow, staring at her as she stretched and slumped next to him on the sofa. 

She hummed without looking at him, busy trying to grab the remote controller to turn the tv on. 

“You know I don’t like when you take the metro,” he said, trying to don’t make his voice come out like a growl. No, he didn’t like the metro, but he liked it even less if Jaehyun drove her home. And he liked it even less when she lied to him. 

“I know, but as I said, I didn’t want to bother,” she replied, leaning close to him. He glared at her, but she couldn’t see. “It was empty anyway.” 

That wasn’t the first time she lied, but it was the last straw. 

They were mostly white lies, but Jeno couldn’t understand why she felt the need to tell them. What had happened to be honest with each other? And most importantly, what did she have to hide? 

He had to act. 

“Did you hear something about crime rates being higher, lately?” She asked out of the blue, it was late during a Wednesday night but they both were still up because they couldn’t sleep. 

“Crimes?” Jeno asked, tilting his head to look at her, expecting to find her with the phone in hand, maybe asking the question after reading an article. 

“Yeah…” she replied, “Jaehyun told me that he found all the tires of his car slashed,” she sighed, thinking about what he told her that morning, she couldn’t stop thinking about it. “He was terrified, didn’t sleep all night and was still shaking when he told me what happened.” 

Jeno had to suppress the smirk that was forming on his face and replaced it with a sad pout. “Oh, that sucks.” 

Oh, that worked. 

“But no, I didn’t hear anything, if that calms you down,” he added, upper body twisting so he could look at her and caress her face. 

She hummed, smiling at him. “He was so shaken that he took a week off, and I think he went to stay for a while at a friend’s place.” 

Jeno’s face wasn’t showing the emotions that were going through his mind. But he still couldn’t get why she cared so much about him. And all that for some slashed tires? What kind of man he was? 

“Maybe some time off will be good to think,” slipped out his mouth and she quirked a brow. 

“To think?” 

“Yeah, to process it. And realize that it surely must’ve been a mistake or you know, those teenagers that have fun making trouble.” 

“Oh,” she said, only then getting what he meant. “I guess so.” 

“He’s a grown man, anyway. I’m sure he has nothing to be afraid of.” 

She hummed, moving closer to him. “But it must suck being all alone. I’m so glad I have you, I have nothing to be afraid of.” 

Jeno smiled before kissing her. 

Maybe sanity was starting to fill her brain again. 

No, bunny, you have nothing to be afraid of as long as you have me.

“How do I look?” She asked swirling around, showing off the thigh-length pink dress. 

“Beautiful, bunny. Where are you going?” 

“To the disco, the Kaleido.” 

“There?” He asked, a furrow on his face.

“Why?” 

“Oh, nothing, not a big fan of that place,” he said, showing nonchalance, sure, not happy about her night out but also too lost in the way she looked. 

“You’ll start drooling if you keep looking at me like that,” she joked, drifting her eyes away from his intense gaze. It was the look he had on his face when he wanted to fuck her and she couldn’t say no to that look. But she really wanted to go out with her friends, she couldn’t let him keep her at home. 

“You look amazing in that dress,” Jeno hummed like a melody, getting up from the couch and hugging her. “But I’d love to see it on the floor.” 

“Not now, Jeno,” she replied, trying to push him off, smiling at the pout that formed on his face. He almost looked cute as if two seconds before he didn’t look like a starving animal eager to eat her alive. 

“Let me at least kiss you then.” Their lips met in a heated kiss before she could say anything. His hands cupped her ass and lifted her up. 

“Jeno,” she moaned in the kiss, heart jumping in her chest because she loved when he held her like this and he was the only thing keeping her from falling.

“What?” The smirk on his face was smug and in his voice there were hints of arrogance.

“You know we won’t stop if you keep doing this.” 

“Fine,” he sighed, letting her feet meet the floor again, looking at her in awe. “You know what I’m thinking?” 

She scoffed, “How badly you want to fuck me?” 

Jeno rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “How lucky I am to have you.” 

“Stop,” she whined, pushing him away playfully, trying to calm her heart from beating so fast. She hated how pathetic he made her. Like a teenage girl hearing her first compliment from her crush.  

“You truly are the best thing that ever happened to me.” 

She turned around, eyes skimming the clock before going back on him that was sitting on the couch again. “Are you trying to win my heart to get to my pussy?” 

“I was just telling you how much I love you,” he pouted before making her sit on his lap. “One kiss before you go?” 

She leaned in, kissing him with the intention of pulling back soon after but it was like Jeno was drawing her in, and in a second her hands were in his hair while his caressed her back. She really should’ve pulled back but instead, her body turned to him and when her hips started grinding against his lap, the groan that rolled out of Jeno’s lips was the last straw that made her change her mind. 

“You’re not going anywhere tonight,” he moaned, lifting her up, and flipping her body against the couch. 

His hands were fast on her body, lifting the pink dress over her shoulders, leaving her half exposed to him. 

“Gonna give you a good reason to make you stay here every time, so you don’t even think about going in a dirty, shitty disco club.” 

Her head rolled back, ashamed at how hot she found him and his voice. Ashamed that she found him so attractive when he turned so protective. 

“Jeno,” she cried out when he wrapped his lips around her covered cunt, wetting the panties as he sucked her lips and pulled away with a loud pop. “White lace, wore this for who? Some average man that doesn’t know how to fuck you right?” 

She shook her head, trapping her lip in her teeth when he started to rub her clit through the underwear. “For you.” 

“For me?” He snickered, tilting his head to the side. “And you were going to leave me?” 

“When I — when I came home,” she whined, rolling her head back in reaction to his mouth wrapping around her again. His slick soaking the panties with every rough movement of his tongue and lips working in sync. 

“They were already wet,” he hummed against her, nose rubbing against her clit, sparking fire into her. “Should be glad I added to mess to hide how desperate you are.” 

“Nngh,” she blubbered, nails scratching the sofa, moving her feet messily to get rid of the heels so she could plant herself on the surface under her. 

“That’s it, just moan for me, no need to answer. You are desperate. Always have been, always will be.” Jeno’s fingers pressed against her entrance, the cold of the wet panties sticking to her skin making her shiver even more, adding to the teasing of her hole begging to be filled and sucks on her clit. 

“You — you’re messy,” she breathed out, looking down at Jeno and how wet she was down there. 

“I am messy?” He asked, chuckling, pulling away, ripping the panties off her before facing her cunt again. “This,” he collected the cum dripping out of her, “it’s not mine. But if you want I can add to your mess,” he smirked before spitting loudly on her clit. Her head rolled back, eyes squeezing shut and lips parting open. “I will give you that we are messy.”

No reply came from her when he restarted where he had stopped, eating her out loudly and intensely. Strong hands wrapped around her thighs and ass to keep her spread open and deep moans vibrating through her body making her stomach twitch. 

It wasn’t possible to hold back the pleasure, so strong it was almost painful as he kept torturing her clit with sucks and licks, riding the waves of pleasure until she was left hiccupping on moans and sobs. 

“Jeno,” she screamed out, hands pushing on his head to pull him away. Shame creeping on her body when he lifted his head and his chin was covered in her juices.

“Fuck, I — I need to warn them I won’t go,” she breathed hard, lifting her upper body up, and turning around to look for her phone. 

“Searching for this?” Jeno asked, pulling it from behind him where her small black bag laid. 

She hummed, shaky hands searching for her friends’ contact as soon as she could and she was about to do it if only Jeno didn’t slip two fingers inside her, phone falling badly on her chest as the grip on it loosened. 

“Jeno, please.” 

“Text your friends,” he ordered, pumping his fingers faster. “Tell them you can’t go because getting fucked is so much better than dancing with them all night. Tell them how badly you need me and my body.” 

The moan that rolled out of her lips was embarrassing, a natural affirmative response to his dirty insinuation. 

“I — I need to come up with — fuck — an excuse,” she cried, fingers typing out words before she cancelled them over and over again. 

“No excuses baby, tell them the truth. Tell them how desperate you are. Tell them how you started grinding on me like a bitch in heat.” 

“Fuck,” she moaned. Swiftly typing, ‘can’t come, period came before the due day, hurts like hell.’ 

“Did you tell them?” Jeno asked and she could feel the smirk on his face even if her eyes were closed. “No? You don’t want them to know? Want to keep this a secret all to ourselves?” 

“Yes,” she breathed out, hips jerking against his palm. “Need you.” 

“Oh, I know you do,” he cooed, pulling out to slap her clit sharply. “Dripped all over my hand, stained my new couch with your arousal.” 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, trying to say more before Jeno cut her flow of air, slipping into her cunt with no warning. “Jeno, fuck,” she cried out, eyes wide open, staring down where they met. 

“Didn’t you want this?” 

She nodded, trapping her lips so tight it started bleeding. “Yeah, yeah.” Her head rolled back since he immediately started with powerful fast strokes, pushing her legs flat against her chest, sliding into her deeply. 

“You’re so pretty when you look like a mess under me, bunny. No trace of that innocent girl you used to be,” his voice was deep, rumbling in her ears while he lowered to mark her neck. 

“Do-don’t…” 

“Don’t?” He snickered. “Don’t want me to mark you? Don’t want people to know you’re mine?” 

She mumbled no sense. 

“As I thought, it’s not your place to think, bunny. I got it. I know what’s best for you, fuck,” he groaned, sinking his teeth deep into her skin, ripping a scream out of her throat. “Gotta make sure nobody comes close to you, baby girl.” 

“I — I wouldn’t let them,” she whimpered, back arching when he started thrusting into her harder. 

“I know, you’re my good bunny, aren’t you? You know who you belong to. Who do you belong to?” 

“You, I — I — fuck — belong to you.” 

“Good bunny, good fucking bunny,” he groaned before he kissed her again, roughly and messily, pushing her legs up, hips slamming against her ass with loud sounds that resonated in the whole room. 

“Jeno,” she screamed, pleasure fucking her brain just as hard as he was fucking her physically. It was true she didn’t have anybody but him, her ex aside, but fuck, he was so good, he knew exactly what she wanted and needed. It wasn’t possible to resist it. 

“Wanna come? Already?” 

She moved her head swiftly, threads of moans slurring out of her lips as the knot on her stomach tightened incredibly hard. 

Jeno groaned, “Fuck, you’re so perfect taking my cock, bunny. So, so good for me. Come for me, come for me, do it,” he urged, rubbing her clit, making her body still as the orgasm hit her hard. “Fuck,” he growled, head falling in the crook of her neck. “Always so fucking tight and warm.” 

She didn’t reply, no more air in her lungs to emit a single sound but it seemed that Jeno wasn’t done at all. 

“Come here,” he ordered, pulling out and moving her so that her elbows were resting on the couch back rest. 

“What — what are you doing?” 

“Fucking you again.” 

“A-agai — fuck,” she gasped when his cock eased into her swollen cunt another time, pushing out a disgusting amount of cum and stretching her sensitive walls more. 

“I can’t let your night go to wasted with just one round, bunny.” 

She hummed, head falling limp in front of her, body trembling because it was the third round technically and she felt weak in the knees. She wanted to whimper how good it was, but she could only cry out moans and whimpers, the position too good, sending the waves of pleasure straight to her brain like electric shocks, knocking her out. 

“You love it when I fuck you like this, don’t you?” She hummed. “I know, bunny, I know. Feels so good, doesn’t it? Cock turning you into a brainless mess, you love not having anything to worry about.” 

“Yes.” 

Jeno slapped her ass. “Maybe I should fuck you here.” He spat, saliva dripping on her rim, thumb pressing against the tight hole. 

“Jeno, no,” she cried out, cracking her neck to turn toward him. 

“Don’t want that? Don’t want me to fuck your pretty ass?” 

She shook her head, pussy clenching when he kept pressing on it without pushing past the tight ring of nerves. “Feels wrong.” 

“Oh, bunny, no. You’re with me, it can’t feel wrong.” 

She wanted to articulate more but the thoughts weren’t even forming in her brain. Jeno surely wasn’t going to do it anyway, so she let it fall. But when she felt the tip of his thumb press in she turned around. “Jeno, no.” 

“Just my thumb,” he whispered, leaning in to kiss her. “Can you take just my thumb? I won’t even move it.” 

Her eyes moved around with rapid movements, shame creeping up on her just at the idea. And he smirked. “Oh, bunny, you think it’s too nasty?” 

She nodded, biting her lips, and drifting her gaze. 

“No, look at me,” he ordered, cupping her chin with his free hand. “It’s not nasty for me, nothing of you will push me away.” 

She blabbered something but it wasn’t a proper answer, more like another useless complain or vain try to make it make sense. 

“Let me take care of you.” When another loud spit sound filled the room, she closed her eyes, too ashamed to focus on what he was doing. Moans choking her when he pushed his entire thumb in, never stopping the hard thrusts of his hips. 

“Was it so — fuck — so traumatic?” 

She shook her head, finding it odd but not painful, somehow feeling his thumb press against her front and rub against his cock that was stretching her wide. 

“I told you, you have to trust me, bunny.” 

“I — I do,” she whimpered, voice almost gone. 

“Touch your clit,” he ordered, head rolling back when she immediately followed the instructions. “That’s my good girl, fuck. Rub it fast.” 

Their moans got louder, the pleasure doubling when she started touching herself, her walls clenching around him tighter, wetness dripping out with every move. 

“Fuck, so tight I can barely pull out of you,” he groaned, jaw clenched and head thrown back, some strands of black hair falling on his forehead. “So good, the best in the whole fucking world, bunny. My perfect girl.” 

The comment got to her head, fingers stopping for a second as it was getting harder to concentrate on anything, even if it brought more pleasure. 

“Please, wanna come,” she babbled, looking past her shoulder to glance at him. 

Jeno pulled out of her ass, grabbing her wrists and holding them together behind her back. 

“Want to come?” 

She nodded swiftly, drool dripping out of the corners of her lips, shamelessly rolling down her chin and dripping on her boobs. 

“Say thank you,” he groaned, pulling her hair back, pressing her flat against his broad chest. “Come on, babe, you can do it.” 

“Tha-thank you,” she cried, “thank you, thank you, thank you.” 

“Fuck,” he groaned, hips slamming against her ass with so much force to leave marks behind. Pace faltering when she clenched around him and came, tight walls squeezing so much they triggered his orgasm too, emptying himself into her with loud moans. 

“Oh, God,” she screamed, clenching her teeth and trying to let her head fall but it was impossible in his firm hold. Feeling another orgasm rip out of her. “Thank you, tha-thank you.” 

Jeno huffed, body collapsing on hers, pressing her against the backrest. “You’re welcome,” he moaned, kissing her shoulder and smirking when he saw her lidded eyes. “You’re so welcome.” 

“Another weekend where you won’t be here?” Ningning asked, positioning the phone better so her friend could see her and not the make-up she was applying. 

“Can you please hire me for this new job, too?” Yeri joked, coming into the frame, and pushing her blonde friend to the side. 

She chuckled, shaking her head at her friends’ antics. “It’s not with the job money.” 

“Your dad?” 

“Nope, not even him.” 

“Oh, God, you have a sugar daddy and you didn’t tell us?” Ningning squealed, sitting better on the bed, almost pushing Yeri on the floor. 

“Shut up, I just won’t be here,” she huffed, tucking her hair behind her ear. 

“Are we even sure we’re doing that bbq? It should rain on Sunday,” Yeri commented, watching the weather app on her phone. 

“It’s raining? I should warn Jeno —” She chuckled awkwardly, trying to quickly come up with something to fix her mistake, “he’s driving you there, right?” 

But her friends were already staring at her with an expression mixed with shock, curiosity and incredulity. 

“What are you hiding? Be honest.” 

“Nothing,” she replied, trying to fake her honest voice but they knew her, even if her hands weren’t in the frame they could bet their life she was pulling a hangnail nervously and her anxious nibbling on her lower lip was a giveaway she was lying. 

“Nothing my ass,” the blonde said, placing a closed fist on her hips and glaring at her. “What’s going on between you and your mortal enemy.” 

She licked her lips before sighing undefeated. “Promise you won’t tell my brother?” And those words were all it took for them to erupt in a loud cheer from the screen of their phones. And she couldn’t really resist their questions and soon she found herself explaining them everything — well, partially everything, she surely couldn’t talk about the bet. But she was finally free to rant about her story, too. It was thrilling, she only had one boyfriend all her life and it had been some time before Jeno, so she was never the one going around telling her love adventures. 

“So, he’s been spoiling you all this time and you didn’t tell us anything?” 

“He just takes me on those trips almost every weekend. It’s a nice getaway. He says it’s to stay away from everybody. Just us.” 

Her friends cheered again, complaining how they deserved someone that would spoil them so much too, and also still shocked because he was the last person they expected would treat her like that. “And wait, are you planning on moving in with him?” 

“He asked me to, but technically we’re a secret.” 

“Not anymore,” Yeri exclaimed, pointing between her and Ningning.  

“Well, yes, nobody else knows. And please, keep it like this.” 

“But why? Is this your choice or his?” 

She forced a smile on her face, the whole thing still made her quite said, but tried not to show it. “His, just because of Jaemin.” 

“I don’t think Jaemin would mind,” Ningning said, and Yeri nodded in agreement. 

“I don’t know, he’s so balked about this whole thing…” 

“Maybe you should talk to him. You make such a pretty couple, it’s a shame the world doesn’t get to see it.” 

And with the idea of maybe finally being free in plain daylight, she confessed to him that it slipped and her friends knew. Sure, she knew he wasn’t going to be happy about it, but she wasn’t even expecting this reaction. 

“What do you mean they know?” His tone was calm, scarily calm, the typical one that promised a storm. 

“They were asking why I was away again and one thing led to another and then I brought you up out of nowhere.” The smile on her face dropped when after looking into his eyes she saw they were dark and a furrow was almost connecting his brows.

“You’re fucking absurd.” 

“What? Why are you mad?” 

“Why am I mad?” He asked, a bitter, low, scary, chuckle rolling out of his lips. “You had one thing to do. We had a promise, we fucking swore to don’t tell this to anybody.” 

“They basically dragged it out of my mouth,” she tried to defend herself. “We were talking and you crossed my mind and it slipped.” 

“Yeah, you never do anything thinking about the consequences of it. First, you didn’t mean to dance with Haechan, then you didn’t mean to cut me off your life for a month, and you didn’t mean to always stay late at your job. You never mean it. You just fuck things up. You don’t think about me. And I have to act cool about it.” 

She stood there frozen, chest moving faster as she felt her pulse accelerating. “Why are you…” she stopped, shaking her head. “Okay, half of these things are not my fault or are not real. I fucked this up because I was thinking about you. They asked why I couldn’t be at their bbq and I said I was busy and then Yeri brought up that it was raining and I thought about telling you. It was a whisper but they heard and it’s not my fault you don’t even want to pretend we’re friends. Maybe like that I could’ve hidden it, I could’ve made them believe that your name crossed my mind, but do I have to remind you that people think we hate each other?” 

He snorted. “People think I hate you. Everybody knows you have a crush on me, so yeah, you could’ve found a way to turn this over. But I guess gossiping with your friends it’s better than thinking about our relationship.” 

“I think about our relationship. How is this damaging for us?” 

“Are you for real?” 

She groaned, clenching her fists hard, “Yeah, stop… stop doing this and just answer me.” 

“Your little friends can’t keep their noisy mouths shut, so guess who will find out?” 

She rolled her eyes, head moving back in an exasperated movement. “You grew up with him why are you so afraid of my brother? Are you hiding something? Are you once again hiding something from me?” 

“God dammit. You see, in every fight you do this. You always bring it there. I don’t want people to come between us. I don’t want people to speculate about me and you. I don’t want people that never cared for you to come between us just so they can drag you away from me.” 

“But he’s my brother how could he? He only would do it if he knew something about you that I don’t know about… and it wouldn’t be surprising.” The last words were supposed to be a whisper but nervousness made them come out like a bitter retort. 

“It wouldn’t be surprising?” Jeno asked, raising a brow. “Fine, you know what, tell your friends that just how they found out we’re together they find out we’re done.”

“What?” Her eyes snapped open on him, thinking she heard wrong, that a small thing like that couldn’t lead to this, but there wasn’t a sign of joking on his face. 

“You don’t trust me. You lie to me. Always. You… you don’t love me. Why do I have to be with you like this?” 

“I do, I never said I don’t. Jeno, please, don’t,” she almost screamed when he tried to walk past her. 

He sighed, crossing his arms on his chest and staring down at her. “Then why do you say those things? What would I hide from you? I do nothing but treat you like a fucking princess all day, protect you from all the shit that happens in your life, take you to pretty places to be together, and spoil you some more and you think I have something to hide from your brother, or you. Tell him,” he ordered, making her shake at the coldness of his tone and the tenseness of his jaw. “I said, pick the fucking phone up and call him.” 

“No — no,” she stuttered, backing away, feeling the tears clog her throat. 

“No?” He cooed, tilting his head. “Now you don’t want to? Why? You were so eager to let your brother know you’re dating me, what happened? This is a fucking revenge, isn’t it? He mocked you since he first found out you were head over heels for me and now you have to slap him with our relationship. That’s all I am to you. A vendetta.” 

“What? No, why would you… what makes you think that?” 

“The way you act makes me think that. The way you need constant validation from others because you can’t think with your brain. Once it’s your father and then it’s your friends and then it’s your brother. Why can’t you just enjoy what you live for yourself? Why do you want the whole world to know what you do or who you love? You need them to side with you, right? Were they happy? Were they cheering for you? Do you think they are truly happy for you?” 

She didn’t know what to say, dumbfounded by his attack of words and the emotions she was feeling. 

“They… they are my friends, I… I just wanted to share how good you make me feel.” 

He nodded dismissively. “Sure, they will always have your back, always stick up for you and support you, right? Until you do something they don’t like…” 

“They are not like that, they care about me, they were so happy for us —”

“Yeah, and how long will it take for that happiness to turn into jealousy? How long will it take before they will go around putting weird thoughts in your mind? Making fears and doubts creep in?” 

“They… they—” 

“They won’t ever do it, yeah, I know. You still can’t see who you surround yourself with,” he almost groaned, tugging his hair, irritated. 

“I… I’m sorry,” she whispered, voice trembling. “I will tell them it was a joke, you, you can… we could fight tomorrow if we go with them so they will believe me. I didn’t… I would’ve never imagined it could hurt you this bad or else I wouldn’t have done that…” Her eyes could barely look at him, even if his face had softened all of a sudden, and his shoulders had dropped while he started walking closer to her. She hated being a disappointment and it seemed that with every step she took she would hurt him.

“I’m not mad for me. I’m mad because I know my reputation and what people think of me, and I don’t want their biases to haunt you too. I don’t want their ignorance about my persona to make you fall out of love with me. I don’t want them to drift us away because we deserve each other. You… God, life has been so unfair to you and now that you have a good thing, I’m sure people will try to take it away from you. That’s why I’m so mad. That’s why I wanted you to keep this, us, a secret, your little secret that nobody could ruin and stain with their unwanted opinions.” 

She hummed, bringing her thumb to her lips and biting the skin while looking at the floor, trying to hide that and the tears that were filling her eyes to the brim. 

“Your friends might not do it, I give them the benefit of doubt, but everyone will know, and some other people will love to try to burst our bubble of happiness apart. And I don’t want it taken away from you. You deserve happiness. You deserve to be loved, so loved that… that your heart will explode with how much love you’re feeling. I don’t want people to hurt you.” 

She nodded, falling into his hold. It always ended like this. Her poison and her remedy. 

“I’m doing this for you, bunny,” he whispered, breath fanning against her hair, while his hands caressed her back. “Everything I do is to protect you.” 

There were many reasons why Jeno didn’t want to be public, but one of them was that since their friends knew about them, they were forced to go out together. He couldn’t use the excuse of hating having her so close and not being able to touch her, or kiss her, or even talk to her because technically they couldn’t even stand each other before they dated to convince her to stay at home. 

And so here he was, trying to make his way into a crowd of people, looking for her. She walked away from their booth to get drinks by now more than five minutes ago and he was starting to worry. 

“Where the fuck is she?” Jeno murmured to himself, gagging when someone hit him, sweaty bodies getting on his last nerve. “God, when I find her…” But there she was, at the bar counter, drinks in front of her while a man was talking to her. 

He stared at the scene, trying to calm himself before reacting badly. He couldn’t react there. And he was trying to, he really was. That was until the man’s hands lingered a little too close to her and his eyes bored holes into her, staring at her as if he wanted something more. Something that belonged to him and him only. 

“What the fuck do you want from her?” Jeno’s voice coming out in a growl made her jump, scooting over to give him space to move between her and the stranger. 

“We were just talking,” she replied, confused by his reaction. 

“Just talking? You just don’t see how men look at you, don’t you?” 

“Man, calm down.”

“Don’t give me that tone and don’t look at me like that,” Jeno warned, glaring at the stranger, fist clenching at his side. 

“Getting too heated up for a cheap slu—” he didn’t finish the remark, a punch hit him straight in his face, making him stumble backwards. 

“What the fuck!” The man screamed, touching his aching face in surprise.  

“You watch your mouth before you talk about her.” 

“Nobody wants to steal her from you,” the man replied, the arrogant grin on his face still there. 

“You seemed rather interested.” 

“Her ass is all out man, everyone would want to smash,” he mocked, and Jeno was about to punch him again but she pulled him away, blocking his wrist. 

“Let’s go home,” she whispered, a fight in public was the last thing she wanted to happen.  

“Yeah, go home to fuck her like she has been begging me to… if you can satisfy her.” 

She was about to tell him that she never said those things but Jeno slipped out of her hold before she could do anything. The mess that blew up was enough to make a crowd surround them, their friends included, and Jeno only stopped punching that man when Haechan, Jisung and Mark pulled him away. 

“Man, stop it! Come on, stop it,” Haechan shouted, trying to block him. 

“You know shit about what he said,” Jeno retorted, eyes fuming and chest panting. 

“We should go,” she intervened, shielding his body, hoping nobody there pulled out a phone and filmed a video if they both wanted to have their reputation intact. That was the last thing she needed to get on her father’s nerves more and disinherit her forever. “Jeno, come on, let’s go home,” she said, cupping his face to make him look at her and not at the man behind them. 

“Are you okay?” Ningning asked her, going for a hug, but Jeno’s arm came between them as he moved his girlfriend to the other side. 

“She’s fine, we’re going home,” he snarled, giving a quick glance at the others.

“You won’t even tell us what happened?” Haechan asked, shocked by the way he was behaving. Jeno never backed down from troubles but get into a fight? And for his girlfriend? Haechan had flirted with some of them straight to his face and Jeno never blinked an eye, so what the hell was going on there? 

“It’s none of your business.” And with that, they walked out of there under their friends’ shocked gazes. She could barely follow his hurried steps while she looked back and murmured apologies to her friends. 

The ride back home was silent, music blasted to shut down their thoughts. And she felt grateful for that because she couldn’t hide how scared she was at the moment. Jeno never acted like that, the punches that crashed against that man’s face were hard and full of strength and she wondered what else would’ve caused that reaction in him. 

He didn’t believe what that man told him, right? He wasn’t mad at her, too? She wasn’t sure and she was too terrified to even ask one of the thousands of questions that were tormenting her. Jeno probably had his own version of the story and would’ve never listened to hers, probably he would’ve even blamed her because at the start he had proposed to get the drinks while she waited with the girls, but no, she had to insist and now here they were. 

When the car stopped, she gulped hardly before making her way out, the slam of the driver’s door, causing her to jump in her place. Jeno didn’t even spare her a glance as he walked to the porch, broad shoulders lifted up and head low, jaw tense enough it could cut like a knife. 

She tried to don’t cry, at least to don’t sob like a child, but it was hard when the front door closed behind them and he still didn’t say a word. 

“You — you’re bleeding.” Her voice was shaking, broken by silent tears that were all clogged up in her throat. 

“I’m fine,” Jeno replied while sitting on the couch with his head low. 

So that was it? Acting as if nothing happened? 

“I didn’t tell him those things, I was trying to go back to you when he kept talking to me.” She couldn’t go to sleep with no closure, she couldn’t sleep with him by her side if she didn’t feel safe knowing he wasn’t mad at her. 

The sound that came out of his lips startled her, a laugh? A bitter sigh? She couldn’t describe it, but she couldn’t even get it because there was no reason for anything other than ‘I know, I’m not mad at you,’ to come out of his mouth. 

“If it’s not him, it’s somebody else…” Jeno whispered, head still low, lips pulled in a tight, bitter smirk that she couldn’t see — luckily she couldn’t see, or else it would’ve scared her even more. 

“Who are you talking about? I spent the entire night with you. I thought we were having fun until that happened.” 

When Jeno got up, she took a step back, heart jumping in her throat but he didn’t walk toward her, he didn’t even answer as he made his way to their bedroom. 

She took a deep breath and ran after him. Yeah, ran. Like always. Running after him like they were on a wheel, running until her feet hurt and the pain was unbearable. 

“Jeno?” 

“Leave me alone.” 

“I can’t leave you alone, I didn’t do anything, it’s not fair that we go to bed angry because of a stranger.” 

“It wouldn’t have happened if you listened to me and stayed home,” he remarked while he unbuttoned his shirt, bleeding knuckles staining the white texture. She shivered at how it seemed that he wasn’t feeling any type of pain, before her brain turned its attention to his words. 

“You’re blaming me?” Her brow quirked, and her lips twitched in a confused grin. 

“Who’s the one that always wants to go out with them? Who’s the one that hates spending some fucking time with me alone? Who’s the one that never listens to the other? I told you to stay with your dear friends and let me handle the drinks, but you had to go there, alone. Wearing that skimpy dress that had already attracted too much unwanted attention on you. But you don’t notice, you never notice anything of what goes around you. Too busy dancing and swinging your hips because you have me to protect you and you know it, but then I do, I protect you, and I am the bad guy.” 

Her brain tried to follow him, but he was saying so many things, accusing her, attacking her, defending her, loving her that she didn’t even know what to say or how to feel. 

“We — we were together, I thought you enjoyed it as long as we were together,” she mumbled the only things her brain could come up with, the only things that seemed to make sense.  

“I hate those things.” 

She blinked. He had spent his high school and college years throwing parties, how could he hate them now? But she had no time to dwell over that because his words were falling on her like a rain of arrows, attacking from any side, leaving her too astonished to actually react. 

“But you wouldn’t know. You’re too busy paying attention to your friends that barely know you. They don’t even care about you. Have you seen how they were looking at me because I defended you? They hate you. They don’t think you’re deserving of love and protection. If he said the same things to their faces they would’ve laughed and maybe even encouraged you to leave with him.” 

“Ningning would never, she was worried about me.” 

“She always drags you into these problems first, don’t you see? She convinced you to go to Hyuck’s party and didn’t pay attention to you. She makes you buy all these dresses that bring trouble. She started talking to you seriously again just so she could arrive at Haechan.” 

She stared at him, tears falling down her cheeks silently. “That’s not true. She was in China, of course, she didn’t talk to me just as much.” 

“Good, also licking her ass because licking your father’s not enough.” 

“Leave them out of this,” she tried to fight back, but all the rational thoughts had seemed to slip out of her mind. “And I’m free to dress however I want. If they look at me, they are the disgusting pervs, you can’t get mad at me.” 

“Good, next time I’ll let him touch you, call you a slut, and why not, maybe even fuck you in the middle of the club so you’re happy about it.” 

“I never said any of those things,” she cried, fingers dangling in her hair, feeling at her limit. “Can we please talk?” 

“We are talking, you don’t want to listen to the truth,” he hissed, walking past her to go out but she stopped him. 

“You’re still bleeding.” 

“As if you care about me.” 

She stared at his back in disbelief. How did a night out turn into this? 

“I love you,” she screamed, opening the bathroom door he had closed himself into. 

“Then prove it to me. You almost left me for a month, then you only focused on your job and your new little friend, and now you always spend time with our group of friends. Where am I in your life? Do I even matter anymore?” 

“I can care about you and other people at the same time, it’s not, it’s not like one thing excludes the other, please. Be fucking serious.” She got mad. Voice louder and tone firmer as she gained back some confidence. 

“See, you’re doing this again.” 

“No,” she retorted firmly. “You are doing this. You are the fucking problem. Punching a man in public knowing our families’ reputations could go in shambles, treating our worried friends like shit because you think you have some kind of control over me and then coming to our home and treating me like shit because my life doesn’t revolve exclusively around you. You are insane. Fucking sick in the head.” 

She was done. Head exploding and heart racing for the adrenaline and also for the fear that rushed down her spine when she met Jeno’s eyes. Black. Empty. Before they got back to normal. But she had no time to stay there and watch him going through his usual thousands of different changes.

Rushing back to the bedroom she grabbed her tote bag, opening the closet to put in some clothes for the night, and her phone. 

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” Jeno groaned, reaching her at the front door with big steps. 

“To Ningning’s, because she cares about me unlike you!” 

When his hand wrapped around her wrist and with a swift movement he pulled her body from the door she gulped, shaking as she watched him lock the door before facing her again. 

“You’re not going anywhere,” he said. “And don’t even think that I don’t care about you! Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe you are the problem. You never really forgave me about that stupid ass bet so you lead us here. Fighting because you don’t trust me. Screaming because my love is not enough. It will never be enough for you. Tell me what should I do. Tell me what the fuck should I do to show you how much I love you? Do you want me to go to the end of the world for you? Do you want me to climb the highest mountains? Do you want me to kill for you?” 

Her breath got stuck in her throat when Jeno broke down crying, body slumping on the floor, knees cushioning the hit and head low as sobs resonated loudly through his ribcage. 

She let her bag fall to the floor before her body did the same, kneeling in front of him to caress his wet face and meet his broken eyes. 

Jeno had never cried. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, letting their forehead touch and pulling him closer. “I didn’t mean it, I was angry, I wasn’t in me. I would never think that your love is not enough, Jeno. I swear I forgave you, I trust you so much but… but all this screaming and crying and the way…” The way he talked to her. The way he twisted her words and used them against her, words that most of the time she didn’t even say. The way she never knew what to expect from him. All of that and so much more, fucked her up, but she didn’t say it. It was just a dumb fight, they were both tired and it happened. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not listening to you when you worry about me. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like I don’t love you enough. I do… I love you so much,” but I also love my friends, “I promise I’ll try to make up more time for you.” 

Jeno hummed, falling apart in her hold, letting her warmth embrace him as tears wet her clothes and the blood still rolled down his hands. 

“Let’s take a warm shower and heal those wounds,” she proposed, lifting his face, wiping away his tears, finding comfort in the way his eyes got back to normal, still sad, but there was no craziness behind them. 

So water was running over their bodies, warming them up and washing away the tiredness and the adrenaline. Her hands combed his hair, massaging them gently before she started cleaning his body too. 

“Is this scar new?” She asked when she reached his back and saw a scar she never saw before, it was a weird place, between his hip and thigh and it wasn’t too big but it looked like it had been sewed badly. 

Jeno shivered when her hands ran there. “It was an accident.” 

“An accident?” She asked, raising a brow, trying to read his expression. 

Jeno only hummed. “I’m fine, I don’t want to talk about it now.” 

“Yeah, it’s okay,” she replied and then finished in silence, but her brain still wondered there, it was an odd place to have a scar, especially if it was given by accident. What could’ve happened? 

But she was too tired to let herself get dragged in that, so after getting out of the shower and dressing up again, she prepared the first aid kit to heal his wounds. 

Jeno stared at her silently, following her fingers delicately moving on his knuckles, disinfecting the skin, cleaning the area, and then applying the band-aids with light pressure so it wouldn’t hurt. 

“You also have some cuts on your face,” she pointed out, facing him, smiling when she saw how he was staring at her. “What?” 

“Nothing,” he replied, voice still broken, coming out barely louder than a whisper. “I love you.” 

She couldn’t hide the smile that spread her lips, and her eyes briefly looked down where his now banded hands were caressing her waist. “Stop it, I have to fix these cuts on your cheeks.” 

“I’m not doing anything,” he smiled, brushing a strand of hair out of her face. “Just thinking how lucky I am to have you.” 

“Then don’t scare me away,” she replied lightheartedly, leaning in to kiss him after she placed the bandaid on his cheekbone. She pulled away but Jeno’s lips were on hers again, and his hands moved on her back, pressing her against him. 

“I won’t,” he whispered. “I love you so much it drives me crazy. I never felt something this strong, I never imagined I could feel something like this.” 

Her head rolled back when his lips started kissing her neck and his hips ground up against hers, the top of her pj’s falling on the floor soon after, leaving her chest exposed. 

“I’d hide you away from everything if I was sure that could never make you go through any kind of pain,” he whispered before his lips closed around her hard nipples, looking up at her teary eyes that were already staring at him.

“Then — don’t stop, don’t stop showing me what you feel for me.”

“There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do to prove how much I love you.” 

“Is your sister alive?” Ningning asked Jaemin when she finally got him alone for a moment, they were hanging out like usual on Friday at their favorite place but even this time she passed. 

Jaemin raised a brow, “I guess, aren’t you her best friend?”

The blonde shook her head, wetting her lips before talking, “I am, technically, but lately she’s... it’s like she’s disappeared.”

“Disappeared?”

“Yeah,” she sighed, “she almost never answers my texts, as you can see, she never hangs out with us anymore. I mean, I know she’s happy with Jeno but... she never struck me as the type that stops hanging out with her friends when she starts dating. I know her last relationship sucked and this one is like a fairytale but to me it’s odd.”

Jaemin hummed, well, she was his sister, but he never paid much attention to know if this was true. On the other hand, Jeno was truly a dream come true to her, he wasn’t surprised if after years of drooling over him, now that she finally got him, she was so hyped that she locked herself into their golden castle, or whatever their story seemed to be. But he knew Jeno and if he didn’t find it weird for his sister to be so in love, he found it weird how Jeno was so defensive of her. He never cared. 

“Are you worried?”

Ningning took a deep breath, rubbing her temples and then meeting his eyes, “A bit, probably I’m just seeing things because I miss her but I don’t want her to isolate herself.”

Jaemin hummed, “I think she’s just very happy she can finally have him, you know how obsessed she had always been with him.”

“I don’t know... Jeno is acting weird, I’m happy for them, I swear I am, but it’s hard to believe that’s him. We all know about his past.”

Jaemin let out a loud huff, yes, he knew it better than anybody else, and Jeno was never the romantic type. 

“I can dig deeper into this if it makes you feel better,” he proposed, not really knowing why, but maybe just one talk and a beer with Jeno would've cleared their doubts. 

“I’d appreciate, I feel like I can’t reach her lately and I’m worried sick.”

“Flowers?” She asked when she saw Jeno lean against his car, waiting outside of the building where she worked. She couldn’t hide the smile on her face or the way her heart was beating. Lately, he was spoiling her with little things every day, but it still brightened up her day. 

“I saw them and thought of you,” Jeno replied, handing her the bouquet and opening the car door. “Get in,” his voice came out almost harsh but then turned sweet again, “so we can get home faster, you must be tired, right?” 

She nodded, smiling harder, thinking that he was being so sweet, not even seeing that Jaehyun was passing right behind them and was trying to greet her goodbye. She didn’t even look outside, too busy studying the pretty flowers and the scent she loved so much, noticing how prettily they were wrapped in the pink paper. 

“These are my favorites.” 

“I know,” he replied without realizing it. 

“You know?” She raised a brow, staring at him with a perplexed expression, but he was turned toward the window, focused on the street. 

“Yeah,” he coughed, “you told me.” 

She furrowed, trying to remember when, but then shrugged, she might’ve done it during one of her rants about anything and everything.  

“How was your day?” He asked, changing the topic.

“Good, me and Jae are working on a new project together, it’s tiring but exciting.” 

Jeno had to suppress a grunt. He hated the way his name, worse, his nickname, rolled on her tongue. He hated even more that she always found a way to slip him into conversations. This was about her day, not him. And he couldn’t even get what he had so special. He was bland and boring. A quick glance at his social confirmed everything he had to know about his personality after the few times he, unfortunately, had the chance to talk to him. 

“I’m sure you’ll relax at home,” he replied, forcing a smile to form on his face. “I was thinking you should seriously move in with me. Now that everybody knows, you can take all your things and set them in my place. And then we can go and buy new things for the house so it will be truly ours.” 

“Are the flowers to ask me to move in?” She giggled, still smelling their scent.

Jeno chuckled, “I popped the question months ago, bunny.” 

“Yeah, but… it’s such a big step.” It was and she wasn’t sure she wanted to make it, sure, she loved sharing a place with him but what if things didn’t work out? Her father surely wouldn’t have wanted her back, she wouldn’t have had a place to go in case of an emergency.

“Where are you always? Where am I driving to?” 

“Fine,” she gave up, rolling her eyes and huffing out a chuckle 

“When was the last time you stayed at your place?” 

“I had to go back there a few weeks ago, remember? My mom misses me.” 

“She sure does,” he replied sarcastically. 

“Hey! She’s not like my father.” 

Jeno looked at her, raising a brow. “Are you sure about it? Or maybe she pretends she cares about you just so she can control you? She never truly stood up for you, she only cares about the company’s reputation.” 

She opened her mouth to answer but shut it after, she didn’t know how to retort it, or if she could do it. 

“See,” he whispered before bringing the attention back on the road. 

“My parents don’t know about you, though.” 

“You wanted to tell everybody about me but not them? I know them already, you don’t even have to introduce us.” 

“No, but yeah, well, fuck,” she stuttered, throwing her head back. Already feeling the headache, stomachache, and tears caused by a dinner together. “I don’t want to hear my father’s remarks about me.” 

“About you?” 

“Yeah, he will joke and tell you to find something better, you have no idea of the humiliation he put me through when he met my first boyfriend. Why do you think he ran away? My father’s words about me were bigger than any kind of affection he felt.” 

“But that’s not me, my love for you won’t disappear because of your father’s jokes.” 

She sighed, looking out of the window and humming lowly. “Is dinner ready at home?” 

Jeno raised a brow, why was she changing the topic? Didn’t she believe in it?What more he had to do to prove to her that nothing and nobody would’ve changed what he felt for her? 

“There’s a surprise for you.” 

“It’s not my birthday.” 

“I know, bunny. I remember clearly all the important days, trust me. Just wanted to spoil you.” 

“Can you drop me by Jaemin?” She asked, finishing applying the lipstick and ruffling her hair to fix them in place, it was a mess anyway. 

“Your brother?” Jeno asked, coming out of the kitchen, and studying the way she was dressed. 

“Do you know another Jaemin?” She joked, turning around, smiling at him. 

Jeno shook his head. “No, it’s just odd. Do you need something?” 

“He texted me to come over, I don’t know what he wants. Probably something that has to do with dad,” she explained, but the truth was that she didn’t like the tone of the message. If everything was going well since they were public, there was a problem.

Her brother. 

Jaemin had been quite, scarily silent, if she had to be honest. Well, from what she knew. She didn’t dare to bring the topic up with Jeno, scared of whatever answer he was going to give her. 

The idea of Jaemin not even approaching Jeno to ask him to treat her right broke her heart. She didn’t want him to be jealous or overprotective, there was no reason to be anyway, but she still wanted to know that Jaemin cared she was being treated well. 

On the other hand, finding out that maybe Jaemin had snapped and they fought because of her would’ve saddened her more. She didn’t want to be the reason to come between them. 

“I can’t drop you by,” he said, “I have a meeting to be at.” 

“Oh, it’s fine. I’ll take my car.” 

“You should buy another one.”  

She rolled her eyes, “We’ve already talked, I can’t afford it.” 

“It will get you killed one day.” 

She chuckled, “You won’t get rid of me so easily. Bye, see you later.” 

Her old car in terrible condition didn’t get her killed but she kind of hoped it would’ve now that she was listening to what Jaemin had to tell her. 

“You don’t know him!” 

“I don’t know him?” Jaemin scoffed, throwing his hands up in the air. “I grew up with him, I probably know him more than I know you.” Saying that Jaemin was worried was an understatement. He had never seen Jeno act like this, but he didn’t like it. He trusted Jeno, well more or less. He trusted him when it came to himself, but he was the last person he wanted to see her sister with. He couldn’t call himself a protective brother, and probably it wasn’t his place to be worried after the way he acted for ages with her, but he didn’t like this relationship at all. And the conversation he had with Ningning was the last thing he needed to disapprove of it. 

“That’s exactly why you should leave me alone. You don’t know me. How — how can you call me up after ignoring me basically since — since forever to tell me he’s not right for me?” 

“Because he’s not. You’re more than opposite of each other, there’s… there’s no way you two can work.” 

She laughed bitterly, running a hand in her hair and pulling tightly. “We are working out.” 

“God,” he groaned. “You will always be the dumb, hopeless romantic girl that can’t see through rose-colored glasses.” 

“What are you even implying?” 

“Someone like Jeno can’t be with someone like you. He never paid you attention, what happened all of a sudden?” 

She gulped, licking her dried lower lip, and feeling a stab in the back. The bet always running in her brain like a thief ready to steal her happiness at any given moment. But Jeno loved. Jeno had truly fallen for her, it didn’t matter how it happened. They were happy, no matter how different they were. 

“He’s a player,” Jaemin sighed. “He never loved in his life and nobody ever loved him back.” 

She sniffled. “He’s… he’s not a monster. He loves me, and I love him. You can’t judge him for his past.” 

“He can’t love,” her brother snapped, pulling his hair. “And the way he acts around you scares me.” 

She chuckled bitterly, “Now you’re stepping over some lines.” 

“I’m protecting you.” 

She snorted, eyes wide in utter disbelief. “Protecting me? Where were you when I truly needed that? When your friends were laughing at me? When I was the butt of the joke? When they would bully me in the school corridors and you would pass right beside me as if nothing was happening?” 

Jaemin didn’t reply, he should’ve expected she was going to bring that up. And she was right, he was a piece of shit for that, but this was different. He had a terrible feeling in his guts. 

“You never cared about me. Not you, not our parents, nobody. I’ve always been on my own and now you want to teach me some lessons.” 

Jaemin kept quiet, only staring at her while he rubbed his temples. 

“You never cared about me, so why do it now? Why? You don’t want to protect me, you hate seeing me happy.” 

“You’re not happy, he’s tearing you apart,” he retorted. 

“I’m not slapping you and I don’t even know why.” 

“You are always together. You barely even answer your friends’ texts, he… Ningning told me he brings you somewhere every weekend. And he punched a man in a public space risking his reputation for you.”  

She started shaking, that was love. Why was it so wrong that he loved her? 

“He loves me.” 

“Everything he touches turns into ashes; he doesn’t know how to love.”

“What a shame he loves me so much, and he proves it to me every day. I deserve to be happy and he makes me happy, I won’t let you take that away from me,” she huffed, rushing to the door. “And next time, I only want to see you if we’re forced in the same room by our parents.” 

Jaehyun didn’t like Jeno. He didn’t like the way his hand wrapped around her waist so tight he suspected she had marks on her skin. He didn’t like the way words rolled out of his mouth, almost as if he was casting a spell on someone, her. He didn’t like the way Jeno looked at him, as if he was silently daring him, hating him. He didn’t even like how most of the days he was waiting outside, not even letting her have the time to say bye or chat some more after an entire day at work. 

“He’s late, there’s traffic or something,” she huffed, leaning against the wall next to him, shielding her body from the rain under his umbrella. 

“I can drop you home if you want to,” Jaehyun proposed. 

“No, he’ll get mad,” she said, chuckling but her smile dropped when she saw Jaehyun’s quirked brows. “He’s keen to come pick me up, it’s a pamper.” 

But even those words didn’t change the expression on his face. 

“Leaving you out under the rain is a pamper?” 

“He thinks I have an umbrella,” she replied. “But if you need to go I can always ask Johnny if I can get back in —”

“No,” he stopped her. “That’s not the point. I don’t mind waiting here with you. I just… nevermind.” He shrugged, looking at the raindrops splash on the asphalt in front of them. 

“No, what? It never happened before.” 

“It’s not that either. I was about to make an unrequested comment about your relationship so I kept it to myself.” 

“Oh,” she gasped. “Wait, am I the annoying person that talks about her boyfriend too much? I didn’t think I did it so often, I’m sorry.” 

“No, it’s not about you either,” he stopped, smiling tenderly at her reaction. Jaehyun found it endearing how she was always so considerate of everyone around her.  

“Hey! Don’t make fun of me,” she joked, faking a pout and nudging him with her shoulder. 

“Sorry, sorry,” he apologized still grinning. 

“But… what is that about?” After what her brother told her she couldn’t help but panic when people told her how they perceived her relationship with Jeno, but she still wanted to know if it was the same opinion. 

Jaehyun sighed, holding his purse tighter. “It’s not a nice opinion, I don’t think you want to hear it. It probably only comes from my petty, single ass,” he joked but no, it wasn’t because he was single, and petty and hated that she was taken. Jeno gave him weird vibes and he was never wrong about it. 

“You’re lying.” 

“No, I’m not.” 

“Yes, you are. You’re not making eye contact with me, you do that when you’re bullshitting people around.” 

Jaehyun laughed, shaking his head. “Fine, I am, but I still think you don’t want to hear it.” 

“Is it that bad?” 

Jaehyun thought about it. If he was in a relationship he would’ve wanted somebody to open his eyes, but then he realized that wasn’t his place. He barely knew him, he barely knew them together, that was just a big accusation, no matter how real he believed it was. 

“I don’t like him,” he blurted out in an honest confession. 

“That’s it?” She asked, raising a brow. 

“No, but it’s the only thing I can tell you.” 

“What if I wanted to know everything?” 

He sighed. “Fine. He seems… a little… possessive over you. He gave me those vibes the few times he stopped by but also… also from the things you tell me. It’s like he wants to control you, always.” 

Her heart stopped for a moment. That couldn’t be true. Her brother was jealous because he hated seeing her happy and had to screw it somehow. But Jaehyun? Sure, Jaehyun liked her, at least in the past for sure, and maybe he was just mad that he couldn’t get to her so he had to hate on Jeno for no reason at all. 

It had to be that. 

“He cares about me a lot. We’re perfectly fine,” she replied, forcing a smile on her face before turning around, wanting Jeno to come pick her up as soon as possible. 

“Sure…” Jaehyun’s answer got on her nerves but she didn’t reply. 

“You know, maybe you should go. It’s Friday night, I’m sure you have things to do,” she said, moving away from him. 

“You’ll get wet.” 

“I’ll wait under that balcony there,” she reassured him before walking away, not looking back at him, missing the pity written on his face before he turned around and started walking to his car. 

But being alone didn’t help her mind don’t obsess over his and Jaemin’s words. Not even when Jeno finally arrived after more than ten minutes and they were driving home, the silence in the vehicle weighing on her chest. 

Jeno glanced over, eyes moving quickly from the road to her. “You’re off, what happened?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Don’t lie to me,” he said, voice firm even if there was a faint hint of apprehension under it.  

She sighed lowly, battling with herself whether to let it all out or not. “I talked with Jaehyun about something…” 

He raised a brow, fist clenching around the wheel as soon as he heard that name. “About what?” 

“Us.” 

“You talked to him about us?”  

She hummed, looking down, tapping her shoes nervously and playing with the seam of her jeans. “Do you… do you think we’re toxic?” 

“What?” 

“I don’t know, Jaemin told me the same thing, kinda, maybe we are… we are too close to each other.” 

Jeno clenched the wheel tighter, the same anger rising in his blood, his eyes shifting for a second before he forced himself to think straight again. 

“Or maybe people hate seeing others happy.” 

“I don’t know…” 

But trying to keep calm wasn’t easy if she acted like that, how could she let others get inside her head, and heart, so easily? “What did he tell you exactly?” 

“Nothing, just that… you’re… well, you are…” 

“I am?” He urged, losing his patience, finger tapping nervously on the gear. 

“You are…” Obsessed. Possessive. Crazy. Controlling. “…caring.” 

“Caring?” He raised a brow, studying her face, but she was avoiding him, too busy playing with a loose string of her denim pants. 

“Yeah, he thinks you care too much.” 

“He knows shit about me and us. Why don’t you tell him to mind his business, uh? I know how to treat my girl right.” 

“Yeah, I think that too,” she whispered, gulping before turning around to look at the window. 

Jeno cursed internally, knuckles white around the wheel and eyes blank. 

Jaehyun was becoming a problem Jeno didn’t put in his plan. And he was crossing too many lines. 

Jeno had to do something about it. 

She tried to stop thinking about what her brother and Jaehyun told her, just like she tried to ignore the words of her friends, whining about how little time she was spending with them. But her brain always went back there. 

Every single thing that Jeno did, felt amplified. Maybe Jaehyun was right. He did care too much. 

Maybe what she always thought to be love was an obsession. But where the hell did it come from? It didn’t make a lot of sense considering how their story started and how he never acted like this with other girlfriends. She didn’t know much about his past stories, but she knew enough to know that Jeno never cared that much about someone. He never acted like this with anybody else. And if at the start it seemed like a fairytale, she started to suspect it wasn’t. 

She shouldn’t have felt like a thief in her own house but that was what she felt as she tried to look for more clues around the place. But she couldn’t find anything. There was nothing suspicious, nothing that could add to her theory of him being obsessed with her. 

Yet, the sensation couldn’t seem to fade away and she was sure Jeno got that there was something wrong with her. 

She was acting different, almost as if she was pushing him away, but it wasn’t her fault. The more he did, the more it seemed like he was proving her doubts right. 

And even when she went back in the timeline she remembered she felt the same. Jeno had always been caring. Even when it was all a bet, even when they were hidden from the world. It also was never an option, he insisted on picking her up from work, and accompanying her when she went out with her friends, or at medical appointments. He hid behind ‘safety reasons,’ but she wondered if it was truly only that. 

Maybe he didn’t trust her? But why?

“I have an amazing night planned for us,” Jeno cheered, entering their bedroom, wrapping a hand around her waist as she stood in front of the mirror. “I’m taking you out, then I’ll take you to another beautiful place to drink special cocktails and then we’ll come back here and you’ll see what else I have planned for you.” 

She smiled, caressing his hair back. “I’d love to, but did you forget I had a dinner tonight?” 

“A dinner?” 

“Yeah, with my coworkers, I told you. A party that the boss organized since we’re doing so well.”

Jeno knew it but he thought she didn’t want to go. 

“I thought you didn’t want to go?” 

She snorted, trying to mask the same sensation that was assaulting her in the last days, “I never said that.” 

Jeno gulped, watching as she pulled away from his hold to finish getting ready. Long burgundy dress around her body, legs covered by thin thigh-high tights, high heels, and her furred jacket on the chair. Surely too dress up for a simple company dinner. 

“It’s going to be so boring.” 

She shook her head. “No, I’m surrounded by nice people, I’m sure I’m going to have fun,” she said, turning around and smiling at him. “It will be just a dinner and then I’ll come back home.” 

“Do you need a ride?” 

“No, I can take the car by myself.” 

“I can —”

“Jeno, I can drive,” she stopped him, walking out of the bedroom to reach the front door and pick up the keys of the house and the car.  

“Why do you don’t want to —”

“Bye,” she cut him off, kissing him. “Gotta go. Love you.” 

“Yeah, bye. Love you, too,” he slurred, heart clenching in anger because she never refused a ride.  

Jeno didn’t want to follow her. He truly didn’t. He was trying hard to suppress that urge, walking back and forth in the living room, clenching his fists so tight that blood wasn’t flowing there anymore. But he couldn’t help but think about her. It wasn’t even that he didn’t trust her, or that there were other people, it was the fact that there was Jaehyun there too and Jeno was sure he was going to be all over her all night, probably telling some other bullshits about him and their relationship. 

But it wasn’t like he could anything about it, right? He couldn’t get to the restaurant, he couldn’t even be outside. She kept her promises, she would’ve come home straight away and he had nothing to worry about. 

But he had a lot to worry about. 

And when his eyes fell on a crumbled piece of paper with the address on, he took it as a sign of destiny. He couldn’t stay at home. 

When his car pulled in front of the restaurant, he spotted her car parked close to the entry. He couldn’t see inside, he didn’t even want to risk walking on the sidewalk to spy in, the place too elegant to go unnoticed of suspect movements. 

So he waited, and waited, hours passing by slowly. And just when he was about to lose hope, he saw the door open and a crowd of people come out of there. 

And there she was, it was impossible not to notice her, she looked so beautiful, and Jeno smiled at the sight, until he saw that Jaehyun’s hand was placed behind her back and that she was way too close to him. 

“What the fuck are they doing?” He groaned, squeezing his eyes to see better, hoping he was insane and just seeing things, but Jaehyun’s hand didn’t move, worst, it moved lower, and wrapped around her waist. 

“Why aren’t you moving him away? Why would you let him touch you like that?” 

What he couldn’t stand were the laughers, and the continuous talk, why couldn’t the night just be over? Why couldn’t she come home? 

“Finally,” he whispered, slumping in the backseat when the group parted in two and she started walking to her car. But he couldn’t relax for long, his heart started racing when Jaehyun sat on the passenger seat of her car. What was going on?

He hit the honk when he accidentally punched the wheel, he couldn’t see what they were doing, he couldn’t even get why it was taking them so long to start the car. 

‘sorry I’ll be home later. don’t wait for me.’

When the text popped on his screen he wanted to get out of the car, drag Jaehyun out of there and punch him until he was covered in blood, but he couldn’t. So he tried to rationalise the insane thoughts that were filling his brain like loud voices screaming to him his worst intentions. Maybe she had to drop him home, that’s why it would take more, but why couldn’t she just tell him? Why did she have to lie and be so close to him? 

Her car started, sprinting past his, and he started to follow behind them, hoping to go unnoticed. There were some cars around, so he could blend in with the others well without losing them in the late-night traffic. 

He was trying to calm down but when she didn’t drive toward his place his anger started to get harder to suppress. 

“Why are they driving to the Han river?” 

When they parked and walked away, Jeno didn’t know what to do. Following them on foot was going to be much more dangerous but he couldn’t let her go like this. He was terrified something too big was going to happen. 

He was losing count of the time passing as he watched them sit on a bench while eating ice cream and laughing and talking. Jaehyun couldn’t be that funny, could he? Why couldn’t she see the way he was looking at her? Why didn’t that make her uncomfortable? 

‘are you still up?’

Jeno raised a brow when his screen lit up, why would she text him that? But he ignored it, focusing on the view in front of him. A view that was irritating him more and more as time passed. Jaehyun was too close, and she wasn’t stopping him, letting their bodies touch in a way Jeno didn’t like. 

His hand clenched when the other man leaned closer and tried to kiss her, and the only thing that made him feel better was that she pulled away. Jeno could barely make out some faint apologies coming from Jaehyun from the tree he was hiding behind, but that still wasn’t enough. 

Jeno was going to make him pay for that. 

“You?” 

She rolled her eyes, pushing her brother to the side and making her way into his place. 

“Excuse me? What if I don’t want you here? Do I have to remind you of the fight of the other day?” Jaemin asked, still closing the door behind and following her on the couch. 

“It was a month ago…” she whispered, looking down at the floor. 

“And?” 

She raised her gaze to him. “I need to talk to you about Jeno.” 

“Did he hurt you?” Jaemin panicked, reaching for her. 

“Would he?” 

Jaemin stopped in his tracks, “I don’t think so, but you don’t seem happy so you are either mad at him or me.” 

She shook her head, sighing. “I know we’re not winning any best siblings award, but I still trust you and I know you think I’m dumb, and maybe I am but… I need your help.” 

“For?” Jaemin could see her legs bounce nervously, and he knew this was worst than he could even imagine. 

“I feel like I don’t know Jeno at all. And I’m not sure I’m going to like who he really is,” she confessed. 

“Why? Who do you think he is?” He wanted to answer that ‘yes, congratulations! You discovered the obvious. He is not who you think he is,’ but he needed to know what kind of doubts she had. 

She gulped, words crossing her mind, but she was terrified of saying them out loud, once Jaemin knew of her doubts, of all the fears and suspects, her and Jeno were over, and she wasn’t sure she wanted that. And precise as a clock a text grabbed her attention. 

‘There’s the fair back in town, are you free tomorrow?’ 

She blinked a tear away and then looked at her brother. “I just… I feel like he can’t open up with me, and I wondered if he was the same with you, or if I’m the problem.” 

Jaemin raised a brow, staying silent for too long, feeling that wasn’t what she wanted to talk about. 

“Did he text you?” 

She nodded. “We’re going to the fair tomorrow. Where it all started.” 

“Are you sure this is a good thing?” 

“What?” 

Jaemin sighed, sifting uncomfortably in his place. “You and him. I still don’t get how you ended up together, I know you took it as an attack and I… I also get that I should be the last person to worry about you but you two have nothing in common. How does it work?” 

She bit her lip, avoiding his gaze. It worked, somehow, in her fantasy, in her delusion. It worked because she kept falling for his fool’s gold because at the end, maybe, everybody was right, she was dumb and madly in love, and that is never a good combo. 

Jaemin took a deep breath, reaching for her hand, making her look at him in surprise. He was never physical with her, avoided her like plague so much she couldn’t even remember the last time her brother touched her. 

“Are you running after a teenage dream?” 

“Why do you always have to think that I’m the stupid girl madly in love with him?” Because you are, she replied instead. Because you will always be. 

“I just don’t want you to get hurt. You loved him for so long without truly knowing him I fear you fell for an idea in your brain.” 

She pulled away and stood up. “I know him. We’ve been together for almost a year that is not the problem. I’m not the dumb one. Things are fine, they are — they are great it’s just…” I’m afraid. “I don’t want this to break, I don’t want this spell to end because I’m fine with him. We’re good. We…” She sighed, maybe Jaemin was the last person she should’ve spoken to. Maybe she should’ve talked to Jeno directly. 

“I have to go now.” 

“Wait,” Jaemin stopped her. “I can tell you what you need to know about him.” 

“Trust me, you can’t.” 

“Were you at home the other day?” After beating around the bush, she finally found the courage to talk to Jeno. The sound of the food frying in the pans in front of her was actually annoying as it filled the silence when no words came out of Jeno’s mouth. 

“The other day, when? Can you be more specific?” 

“When I went out for dinner with my colleagues.” 

Jeno hummed, shrugging, stopping from scrolling on his socials, “Yeah, why?” 

She breathed deeply, shaking her head before giving him her back again. “Nothing, just wondering.” 

“Are you the only one allowed to have fun?” He stood up, reaching her side, two fingers caressing her cheek gently. 

“I never said that.” 

“No, but I don’t get the random question.” 

“And the day after? You didn’t pass by at work, where were you?” 

“I told you I couldn’t come, bunny. I had a thing to do.” 

“Yes, but what? You never let me take the metro alone.” 

Jeno scoffed and she quirked a brow. 

“What’s funny?” 

He shook his head, leaving her side, but she had no intention of letting the conversation drop. 

“Am I lying? You say it loud and clear.” 

“Yeah, and I also know that you don’t take the metro for some months now.” 

Her eyes widened, and it got harder to swallow the saliva as she stared at him. 

“I saw Jaehyun drop you by weeks ago,” he said calmly. “I’m not worried about the metro because I know you have him and he would never let you ride that.” 

“You don’t even like him,” she chuckled bitterly. 

“As long as he has your back and knows his place, I’m fine with his existence.” 

“Somebody attacked him,” she blurted, trying to study Jeno’s expression, she didn’t like what her thoughts were suggesting her for some days but she couldn’t sleep at night with those doubts. Jaehyun was avoiding her, he didn’t even greet her anymore, he barely explained what happened and she had to put the pieces together by asking Johnny what was going on. She heard that whoever attacked him told him to ‘keep his distance from what wasn’t his,’ and she could only think about Jeno. 

“Oh, on the metro?” 

She was taken aback by his answer and shook her head. “No, out of his house. They almost fractured his nose and he has a broken arm.” 

“Really? Shit, were they trying to rob him?” 

“They threatened him.” She kept her eyes locked into his, more shivers turning her skin full of goosebumps. Jeno was impassible, deep down his concerned frown she could see there was no glint behind his eyes. 

“See, that’s why I don’t trust him around you. He must be in a bad circle or something. The place he lives is nice, why do those kinds of people only attack him?” 

“Jeno,” she breathed out, voice shaking and tears menacing to fall. “Was it you?” She expected a bigger reaction but not that. The calm behind his eyes and voice, terrified her more than his outburst of anger did. 

“Me?” He only replied nonchalantly. “You think I’d ever hurt somebody?” 

She started crying, “You said you would kill for me.” 

“Is it a bad thing?” He asked, walking closer to her, reaching for her hand, shaking like a leaf. “You know I’d never hurt you.” 

“But others? Would you kill for me? Would you… would you ever hurt somebody?” 

Jeno didn’t reply but somehow that silence had all the answers she didn’t want to have. He would. And he did. It surely had been him. 

“Why — why would you do that to him?” 

“Do what?” 

“Beat him? He has wounds all over his face, he doesn’t even look like himself.” 

“Why do you care what he looks like? Do you like him?” 

“No, we’re not doing this,” she replied, shaking her head and walking backwards, hands in front of her as if she could stop him from vomiting out words that would’ve pushed her down a spiral of madness. 

“Yes, we are. Because you’d rather accuse me, your boyfriend, of something like that, rather than come to terms with the fact that probably your bestie from work is not who he tells you to be.” 

“You don’t know him.” 

Jeno scoffed. “Should’ve taught a lesson to you, instead.” 

“What did you say?” She asked, unsure she had heard right. Hoping she didn’t because at this point lies were better than what seemed to be the truth. 

“Nothing.” 

She groaned, slamming a hand on the table. “Why can’t you just be honest for once? You always lie to me.” 

“I never lie to you.” 

“I won’t tell him if you did it but just confess to me and we’ll work it out. If there are some problems in our relationship we can fix them.” 

“You are the problem in our relationship.” 

She gasped before her body started shaking even more, voice vibrating full of fear, insecurity and sadness. “What?” 

“You and your lies and the way you keep listening to everyone except me. No matter what happens, no matter how much things have nothing to do with me, you will always find a way to blame it on me.” 

“I —”

“Shut up,” he cut her off harshly. “I know you talked to Jaemin,” he scoffed. “He never gave a fuck about you. He treated you like shit and the first second we falter, you run in his arms to make me the villain? That’s why you needed him to know, right? Why do you hate me so much?” 

“I don’t hate you. What did he tell you?” 

He laughed, but it wasn’t a familiar sweet sound, it was mocking like a sharp slap straight to the cheek. “Afraid he spilled more than you wanted to reach me, right?” 

“I barely talked about you.” 

“It doesn’t matter what he told me, honestly, he was nice, I got by his weird talks that whatever he was ranting about was coming from you. But you need his words, right? You have me right here and you go ask anybody about me except me. You don’t like me. You never liked the real me. You hate I’m not whoever is in your head.” 

“Please, not this again. I do, I love you so much. I… I…” 

“You what?” He screamed, scaring her, back hitting the wall as the tears started flowing down her cheeks. “God, here we go. Crying like a baby just like when you were a fucking child.” 

She didn’t answer, only wrapped her arms around her body and looked at the floor. This was just like when she fought with her father, or with Jaemin when they were younger and he picked on her for any reason. It was a knife piercing deep into the old wound and twisting with cruel indifference. 

“Fucking answer me! You’re not throwing the rock and then hiding your hand. Ruining our weekend to defend your work boyfie.” 

“Don’t call him that…” 

“No? And what should I call him? Why don’t you run to him? Go, the door is there and I’m sure he’s waiting for you.” 

“He doesn’t talk to me anymore all because you scared him away,” she snapped just to regret it right after. The furious look on Jeno’s face was the last thing she wanted to see. 

“You’re just an ungrateful bitch,” he spat out, turning around angrily. “You don’t deserve anything of what I do for you. This place, defending you from your father, risking my relationship with your brother, hanging out with your friends, dropping you by and coming to pick you up every day from work, spoiling you with small vacation and dresses. But most importantly, you don’t deserve my love. You deserve to be left in the misery you were when you crawled to me on your knees. I should’ve treated you like shit like everybody else always did with you, you would’ve appreciated that more. But here you are.” 

“Jeno, please.” 

“Shut up,” he replied sternly. “And leave.” 

“What do you mean, leave?” 

“What it means? Are you that fucking dumb you don’t know what words mean?” 

“I… I think this is escalating, I didn’t, I didn’t mean this,” she blabbered, a mess on her face as the sobs got louder, too much spit menacing to spill out of her mouth in a pathetic drooling mess. Feeling the floor fall through right beneath her feet, free falling.  

“You never mean it. And I’m tired of your words, of your lame excuses.” 

“No, no, wait,” she said, reaching for him, but he pushed her away. “Tell me what I did wrong and we can fix it.” 

Jeno laughed. “You don’t trust me. And instead of working on it, you just proved to me more and more every day that you’d let other people’s opinions come over your love for me, just like I told you. But I was paranoic back then, wasn’t I?” 

“But this time it’s not words…” 

“What if I did it? What if I beat him and what else did they do to him? Broke his arm?” 

She nodded, lips quivering, brain pulsing for how hard she was trying to keep herself afloat.  

“Would you leave me if I did that?” 

She didn’t reply, gulping hard, blankly looking into his eyes to see if that was a confession or not. 

“Yes, you would, so why would I risk losing you for him? What do I get from beating him?” 

“But he doesn’t talk to me anymore,” she cried, breaking down in another loud sob. Hoping he would open his arms and hold her in, and save her again from the death he pushed her toward. “Nobody else would threaten him over me.” 

“Who said they threatened him over you?” 

“But why wouldn’t he talk to me?” She sniffled. 

“Because people are shit. They use you until they can get what they want from you and then leave you there. Didn’t he have a crush on you?” 

She hummed, rubbing her arms with her palms, sinking her nails down her skin through her clothes to stay grounded.

“And did you ever flirt with him or gave him a hint of giving him a chance?” 

“Of course not, I have you. I love you.” 

“I know, and don’t you think he knows it too? Don’t you think he’s mad because he sees how strong our relationship is? Wasn’t he filling your brain with stupid doubts to make us fall apart?” 

“He wouldn’t…” 

“He wouldn’t? Bunny,” Jeno cooed, caressing her wet cheek. “Men are trash. You don’t know the things they would do just for some sex.” 

“But he’s different… we were friends. I liked spending time with him.” 

“I know, bunny, I know,” he said, pulling her in his arms. “That’s why I’m mad I can’t protect you from the world. I try to, but you don’t listen. You wanted to trust him and here you are, crying because he just wanted to get in your pants and as soon as he realized he couldn’t, he dropped you out of his life.” 

She didn’t answer, only sobbed harder in his chest, arms weakly holding his waist. 

“For how sick he is, he might’ve also hurt himself to make you believe I’d do something like this.” 

“I’m sorry I doubted you,” she said, pulling away. 

Jeno caressed her cheek. “But I need you to trust me, bunny. We can’t go on like this.” 

She nodded. “But you need to trust me too. I love you, I truly do. I don’t care what people say, but I… never mind.” She took a step back before turning around, wiping the tears with the back of her hands, and then walked into the kitchen again, hoping the food didn’t burn, not that she had any appetite left. 

But when her hands placed on the countertop after turning the fire off, she just cried, shaking and sobbing while Jeno stared at her, leaning on the door frame. The silence was louder than any words. They both knew they were walking on a fragile line and it was bound to break. No amount of sick games and lies was going to save them now. But leaving it as a thought was better than saying it out loud. It was safer than starting another fight where maybe none of them would’ve come out alive. 

“We should leave,” Jeno was the one to break the silence, “just for a while. Detox from everything.” 

She didn’t answer, sniffling harder while she held her body close. That wasn’t going to make things better. She knew she should’ve shut things up a year ago, the bet should’ve been a red flag big enough to tell her this wasn’t going to work, but she ignored it, and now she was paying the consequences. Because loving Jeno had always been like this, a rollercoaster with no seat belts. She felt shivers run down her spine when his arms wrapped around her and his chin rested on top of her shoulder.

“I hate when we fight, I really do.” His hot breath on her skin made her feel uncomfortable, it was like the spell ran out of its magic and all of this lost its spark. Like Cinderella, nothing of the fancy dress or the carriage was left, just a scattered pumpkin on the cold ground, but in this case, the pumpkin was her.

“Why aren’t you answering? Why do you act like this?” 

“Please,” she begged, lifting a hand to her ears when he raised his voice, wanting to shut him out. “I’m tired, I’m — I’m exhausted. I can’t, I’ve had thoughts running in my brain for days and I can’t shut them off, I don’t know how to make them stop, I can’t make this pain go away.” 

But it was like Jeno couldn’t get it and thought that everything could’ve been easily fixed. 

“Don’t kiss me,” she said, squirming away, slipping out of his hold. 

“Are you mad at me still? I thought you were mad at him two seconds ago and now you’re turning against me again?” 

“I’m not turning against you,” she retorted. “The world doesn’t turn against you just when a small thing doesn’t go in your direction, I’m… I need some sleep.” 

“No,” he stopped her. “I don’t want to go to bed without resolving this. Why do you pretend?” 

“I’m not pretending, I can’t talk to you because everything turns into a fight. And… I don’t like listening to what other people say about us but maybe they are right, why can’t you just… let me go?” 

“Let you go?” 

She hummed, barely finding the courage to hold his gaze. “Don’t be so protective over me.” 

Jeno’s features were tense and she didn’t like it. 

“Fine,” he whispered. “Maybe we should take a break.” 

She let out a scream of exasperation, why did her every word have to be twisted into something else? “I didn’t say that.” 

“But I did. I can’t take this just like you can’t. I proposed to leave, put the stress to the side and then come back, but you still doubt me.” 

“Leaving will just push our problems back.” 

“What problems? Because we were fine until you brought him up accusing me of hurting him for some kind of… of what? Revenge? Threat?” 

“So it’s my fault?” 

“Yes, it is, we were supposed to eat and go to the amusement park like one year ago, and here we are. Over.” 

“We’re not over, don’t say that,” she huffed, feeling a terrible pain in her chest just hearing that. “We can still go, we can… we can.” 

“You’re tired, go to sleep.” 

She squeezed her head, brain about to explode in confusion, vision blurred because she had no idea what the right path to take was anymore. There wasn’t even a path to follow, just a land of fallen leaves where traps hid underneath, and with every step, she could’ve tumbled inside. 

“My problem is that I think you are too protective of me.” 

“Too protective? Can you please tell me how? The last time we talked, you were lucky you had me, what changed?” 

“I am, I feel safe around you but… I feel like you don’t trust me. It almost seems as if I am a child in your eyes, and I don’t know what to do with myself.” 

He scoffed. “Caring for you makes you feel like that? You know why it does? Because nobody took care of you when you were a child. Because your brain wished somebody took some weight off your shoulder when you were younger, and you’re not used to other people helping you instead of leaving you in the shit. I know that you, more than Jaemin, had to raise yourself on your own. I was there when you always knew how to get out of a situation. You were never dumb, silent maybe, introverted, shy, clumsy, making everything that you touched break or fall or trip directly yourself but fuck, you were never dumb. You… you have always been so fucking interesting and I,” he sighed. “I envied you so much. Because growing up on my own without my father having my back didn’t make me come up like you. You’re right, I’m a mess, and I’m not half of what you are. Why do you think I hated you? I wanted to break you down so badly. But it seemed like the more people would push you to the floor the more you would bloom, and it was always so subtle, so sneaky, you were a master at getting unnoticed and I wanted to be like that so bad. But instead of pushing me away, you attracted me so much, still, no matter how much I studied you, I never got your tricks. I still don’t, not even now. I have no idea how you didn’t turn into a monster, and I do fear I’ll turn you into one if you stick with me. And I try, I try so hard to be the best version of myself, I don’t even realize when I fuck it up but the idea of losing you, kills me. It kills me. And I’m afraid because I… I know that if only you took a glimpse inside of me, of my true self you’d be terrified and you’d run away. God, you already want to run away.” 

She blinked, staring at him with a curious expression, his defences crumbling down like a house of cards. “You noticed me? I wasn’t invisible for you?” 

Jeno sighed, tears rolling from his eyes again, slipping on the floor. “You haunted me. I saw myself in you. And I wanted to destroy you as much as I wanted to destroy myself.” 

She gulped, sitting in front of him. Well, at least now it all made more sense, all the pain he put her through, all the wasted years and tears. “It doesn’t seem really nice.” 

“I have very bad coping mechanisms,” he shrugged, a bitter smile on his face as he stared at her, dried tears marking her beautiful face. 

She reached for his hand, caressing the palm. “Don’t you think we all hide a bad side of us?” 

He shook his head, pulling away. “You wouldn’t get it.” 

“But if you said that I’m the better version of you, how can I not?” 

“Because you are the good I don’t have.” 

“Shut up, you’re an amazing person, why would you say those things now?” 

“It’s not about being a good or bad person, it’s about having scars that healed in a terrible way and having prices to pay because of them.” 

“Don’t you think you’re overreacting?” 

“Am I better in your head?” He asked, tilting his head to the side, voice clipping in his throat. “The version of me that lives there, he’s fine, isn’t he? Maybe he’s just like you.” 

She stared at him, trying to read him deeper, to push past those walls she believed he had pushed down, but they were still all there, too tall to even think about climbing them. “I don’t understand you, Jeno, I… I don’t know if I’m tired or if you’re just saying nonsense but… it’s confusing.” 

He smiled, cupping her cheek. “That’s why I told you, you can’t get it.” 

“Where are you going?” She asked when he got up and walked to the door. 

“Out,” he replied calmly as if they weren’t having breakdown after breakdown, always collected as if nothing fazed him, not even when he was the one underwater gasping for air. 

“No, please, I don’t want us to be alone.” 

He turned around, staring at her standing with her fingers playing together. Jeno gulped, looking down before leaning against the door, and inhaling deeply. The images of the fights of before were burning in his brain like a wildfire that had no intention to stop, her wet cheeks, her eyes full of fear, trust faltering, her screams and her words, he was the monster he wanted to protect her from. 

When Jeno started sobbing she rushed to him, holding him in her arms. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, apologizing for things she didn’t know. Cursing himself for being so dumb once again, for hurting everybody even when he wanted to protect them. Hating himself because he was never going to learn. “I’m so sorry.” 

She caressed his face, shushing him with small kisses. 

“I don’t deserve you,” he said, pushing her to the side, running to the bathroom, locking himself in. And if only she didn’t see his eyes being empty and blank again, she wouldn’t have felt that weird warning sensation in her gut. 

“Jeno, open the door,” she screamed when she felt an alarming silence interrupted by sobs and objects falling on the floor. “Jeno, please,” she screamed louder. “I’m here to help you.” 

“I don’t need your help, you don’t know… you don’t.” 

“Jeno, I don’t care, I don’t care about what had been, but I care about you. You are not your scars.” 

“Yes, I am. I am fucked up in more ways than you could even imagine. I’m so toxic for you and I… I’m so selfish because, fuck,” a groan of pain stopped him. “I can’t be without you, I can’t. I want you so bad because it’s so easy to fool myself I can be like you, that if you chose me there must be something good in the mess I am, and I,” another groan, louder this time, reached her outside of the room, but when nothing followed, she started panicking more. 

“Jeno, what are you doing?” 

Nothing. 

“Jeno,” she banged against the door, screaming and crying, “open, please, please don’t do anything dumb.” 

Only after a few seconds he opened, heart on his knees when he noticed the state she was in, the state he put her through. And his heart sank even more when she fell into his arms once seeing he was fine. She loved him too much. 

“I hit him.” 

“What?” She asked, pulling away. 

“I hit Jaehyun, I slashed his tires, I even spied you one night, more than once. I followed you when you went out the other night.” 

She stood there, frozen in her tracks, shaking. The realization falling on her like a cold shower. 

“No, you didn’t. We’re both tired, we need some sleep.” 

“No, I did it. The scar on my thigh? I hurt myself while hiding after slashing his tires and I had to fix it myself.” 

She was speechless, feeling like she could pass out. It couldn’t be true. Yes, she feared it was for weeks by now, but it couldn’t be true. Why was he even confessing? Why couldn’t he keep lying? He was so good at it, and she loved falling into those lies. 

“But why?” Her voice came out like a tremble, salty drops dripping down her face, she couldn’t calm down. 

“Because I’m terrified of losing you.” 

“But what made you even think I would leave you? I… I loved you when you treated me like shit, how could I don’t love you now?” 

“It’s my brain, it’s… it’s the fact I’m never worth more than a fuck for nobody, it’s because I’m bad at love and I’m only good at tricking people into me and manipulating them. It’s because I didn’t learn anything else in my life.” 

“I…” She couldn’t find words to say, she had so many things to let out but they made no sense. Nothing made sense. He was capable of that? Of hurting the people she loved? He spied her? So that night wasn’t a coincidence? Trying to put together all the pieces was driving her insane, and the more she did, the more the picture looked blurry. 

“You were the only one that never looked at me up and down. The only one that never judged me for anything. The only one that truly stood by my side. No matter how much I mocked you for it, or pretended I didn’t notice. I still have all your birthday cards, the ones I always laughed about in front of our friends. I have the Halloween costume you sewed for me when you took your sewing class. I have the small notes you would leave in my bag every time I stayed over with your brother. I have everything.” 

She tried to breathe but it was getting impossible and she leaned against a wall. It was like the world was spinning at light speed and she had no ground under her feet. It was like a Ferris wheel falling to the ground and having nothing to save herself with. 

“So why did it have to take a fucking bet to get to me?” She cried out, voice full of anger but it still didn’t quite come out, too mixed with the disappointment. It all could’ve been so much easier. 

“Because I was in denial. I thought I loved the attention you gave me, the — the pathetic kind of love you felt for me made me feel so fucking important. I believed I could bathe in it and then jump out free once I was done with you. Using you like any other person but then… then you made me discover what love truly is and I couldn’t stand it.” 

She hummed, a small, crooked smile curling her lips. How could she even react to all of that? “But you still love the power you have over me, don’t you? That’s why you’re here, you know I’ll always come back. You know I’ll let you trap me in a cage if it meant being with you, so why this? Why hurt the people I love?” 

“Because I don’t know how much your love for me will make you come back. I… I thought that if I made you feel safe with me, if I cut other people out, you… you wouldn’t have seen how terrible I am.” 

“Then why are you confessing?” 

He lifted his head up, glossy, red eyes meeting hers, nothing but a brown pool of sadness, rancor and so many other emotions she couldn’t point out. “Because I need to be honest with you before you’ll leave me like everybody else.” 

She sat on the floor, legs too tired to support her body, and stared at him, crying and shaking, mumbling apologies, bleeding on the floor since something must’ve cut his hands by mistake. It was another red flag, wasn’t it? A warning as big as a house that was screaming at her to leave now, before it truly was too late. But she also thought of the man of before and how he was trying to manipulate her, how easy it was for him to do it, and now he was confessing all his crimes. And the same questions that assaulted her when he was begging on her knees to forgive him for that bet were filling her brain again. What was he gaining from this? Why did he fight so hard to keep her? But this time she knew he couldn’t have anybody else, that the whole façade of him being a fuckboy was as fake as everything else she had believed lately. He didn’t grow to love her. He always did. Did he? Or did he love the power and the tears and begs and screams? 

After all, it was them. It had always been them. It was falling. It was death, by his side, and it wasn’t sweet or tragically romantic.

She sighed, resting her chin on her bent knees. 

He had done everything to prove her how much he loved her like he had promised. He had done too much. 

“You want me to leave you?” 

Jeno nodded, feeling his heart clench in his chest just at the idea of lifting his head and not seeing her anymore, but that was just another price to pay, he deserved it. 

She pursed her lips together, staring at the floor blankly. She wanted to ask him questions, if he ever got himself checked up for something, if there was something he could do to fix this instead of hurting himself and the people he loved, but she didn’t. 

“I want you to take me to the amusement park tomorrow.” 

He raised his head, shocked to even hear her voice and see that she was still there. 

“I think me and you have to start brand new.” 

He shook his head. “I can’t change. And before I’ll hurt you too, I want you to leave.” No, he didn’t, he could barely survive a month without her, he didn’t even want to imagine an entire life like that, but he had to.

She moved closer. “Maybe instead of pushing the problems back, you could face them?” 

“Drop it,” he warned, but she didn’t listen. 

“I don’t know anything about love, nobody taught me anything about it either. But I guess love is taking care of the people you love, right? I’m not trying to hurt you, I’m here, Jeno. I’m standing close to you after you confessed you stalked me and threatened one of my friends. If I was like anybody else I would not only be out of that door but I would probably be at the police, suing you. But I’m here. I’m here because I listened to you before and I think that maybe there’s a reason why you’re like this, and you can fix this. You don’t heal from the pain of the past, nobody and nothing fills certain voids but instead of letting them drown you and take opportunities away from you, there are ways to walk past them and move forward.” 

He didn’t answer, chewing the inside of his cheeks nervously, thinking about it. “I’ll do it, I promise. But without you, I can’t drag you in this.” 

“You won’t do it if you don’t have a reason to do it, you know it, too.” 

“So you know me a bit, don’t you?” 

She nodded, caressing his cheek with her thumb, and her body relaxed a bit when he snuggled against her touch and shifted closer to her. 

“Maybe we should get up from the cold floor, don’t you think so?”

When the clock struck midnight, Jeno was sleeping, leaning on her, on the couch. And as much as she was exhausted, she couldn’t close her eyes thinking about everything that happened. Tormenting herself, wondering if it was another one of his traps or if he was so good at hiding his demons that not even Jaemin, Haechan, or Jisung had a mere idea of everything that was going on inside him. Thinking how much different he looked when she walked him to the couch and cleaned his wounds and he opened up a bit more. Questioning which of the many versions of himself he had shown her was the real one. Wondering who she was going to wake up to the next day. She hoped it was the same Jeno that chuckled lightly while they ate a bowl of ramen, talking about the future. She hoped it was the same Jeno that promised her he was going to be a better person. She hoped he could be his true self around her, but she started to fear that maybe that version of him didn’t even exist, that he tried so hard to conceal it that it simply disappeared and he, himself, had to find it somewhere he didn’t know. 

She sighed, struggling to grab a blanket, and covered their tired bodies, holding him closer, inhaling his scent before she tried to close her eyes, hoping the heavy sensation on her chest wouldn’t have been there by morning. 

But for now, it was, their hearts were beating as once with the same demons. He was right. They weren’t different, they were a different outcome of the same situation. Probably that was why they worked. She craved his bad, and he craved her good. But she doubted that foolish fantasy could last for long. 

Probably it was better to leave, to run and hide, maybe she was still in time to don’t miss him as if somebody cut her heart off her chest, still in time to don’t let his demons drown her too. But after all, she was a dumb girl, a fool for him. 

She would’ve always wanted him. In any way she could have him. 

And when she looked down at his relaxed face, eyelashes resting on his cheeks, and breath normal, she realized she couldn’t leave him. If she brought the better out of him, this couldn’t go wrong. It couldn’t be worst, at least. 

But the realization of how tricky the path they were going to take kept her up at night some more. 

Jeno was terrified of losing her, the only good part of him, the only person he could somehow mirror himself even though their apparent incompatibility. 

Somebody could’ve called it dedication, some other something darker. After all, the line between love and obsession is thin, and Jeno had crossed it for a while. And she had no idea if there was salvation for that. 

Jeno wasn’t only in love, Jeno was obsessed. 

taglist: @jenoxygen @bockhyun @harrypinks @eotokki-blog @painted-hills @zimsuhlabim​ @arlenejcc​

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[phantoms-planet]

Barred Protection

Chapter Two

AO3 Here

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It wasn’t hard, per say, to keep up his public persona at the museum’s fundraising gala, but it was beginning to agitate him that he hadn’t been able to get close to Percy Daelus the entire two hours he’d been there. Everyone and their dog wanted to speak with him.

It was understandable of course. People wanting to invest in the new company, or thank him for what he did, or try and schmooze their way into getting discounts and partnerships. That was just the way these things were at galas unfortunately.

“B!” Dick’s hiss was only heard by him, being that it was through the comms. “Go to the bathroom, Daelus is on his way there!”

Bruce quickly excused himself from the conversation he hadn’t really cared about. Thankfully no one stopped him on the way and he was through the door before the target, meaning he could ‘go to the bathroom’ and be waiting at the sink.

An odd skill to have, faking bodily function, but one that had come in handy more than Bruce would ever guess if he hadn’t been the one to employ the skill. It was just as he put soap on his hands that Percy Daelus stepped up to the sink next to him. The man was unassuming in looks. Brown hair and eyes, average build, no distinct markings like freckles or moles. He was the most boring thirty four year old Bruce had ever seen.

“Ah! Mr. Wayne? Goodness I never thought I would get the pleasure to meet you in person. I dreamed, of course, but never that it would be in a bathroom.” Daelus chuckled slightly. His face had lit up like he’d been gifted the world.

Bruce smiled as water flowed on his hands. “Some of the best meetings are in the strangest places. It’s nice to meet you Mr…?”

“Daelus! Percy Daelus, I own the Ameliorate corporation.” Daelus was practically vibrating with excitement, bouncing on his heals a bit before soaping his hands.

“Oh yes, that new medical company! Brilliant work you’re doing, goodness knows Gotham has needed something like this for a long time.” A little flattery tended to go a long way with anyone new to high end circles. It certainly didn’t hurt right then.

Daelus beamed as he dried his hands. “That means quite a lot coming from you sir.”

Bruce opened the door for him. “No need to call me sir. I’ve heard good things about your company; I’ve been considering getting a consultation myself.”

“You look fit as a fiddle Mr. Wayne.” Bruce led him towards the hors d’oeuvres table. He both wanted Daelus closer to Dick for better analyzing and wanted something to eat.

“Well truth be told Mr. Daelus, it wouldn’t be for me. You see my middle child, Tim? He’s been having health issues after needing an organ removed.” Daelus’s face twisted into a sympathetic frown. “A mother at my youngest’s school mentioned her immune compromised daughter was feeling much better after receiving some of your medicine.”

He seemed to be genuinely proud at that. “Oh, so glad to hear it! You know, I could do a personal consultation with your son. You inspired me to make my company so it would be my pleasure to help him.”

Bruce had to quickly choke down…well, he wasn’t sure actually. He had been so focused on his goal that he had grabbed whatever was closest on the table. Whatever it was had a mild kick to it.

Pulling out his brightest smile, Bruce placed his hand to his chest. “That’s very generous, you don’t have to! I know being an owner of a company leaves your schedule quite full.”

“No no,” Daelus gestured vaguely. “I insist on it Mr. Wayne. I want to be sure everyone who needs our help gets the attention they need. And getting your son treatment so he feels better, maybe some medication to boost his system, it would truly be no problem at all!”

“Pull the overly protective parent bit B.” Dick suggested. “Like ‘oh but I feel better knowing exactly where my kids’s things come from’ or something like that. It won’t even be that hard for you!” Bruce pointedly ignored that.

He was a prepared father, not overprotective. Maybe. “Thank you very much. I’m not sure how I feel about the medication, however. Not that I don’t see how brilliant it is of course!”

Bruce let some of his worries show through. Truthfully Tim being compromised did make him anxious if he had to admit it, really what good parent wouldn’t be worried after their child lost a spleen. “But I really like to vet everything my kids take personally. Meet the scientists, tour the business, all that. They’re the most important thing in my life, you see, and I want to be sure they get the best there is.

Daelus nodded quite sternly. “I understand completely Mr. Wayne. Our children are our future; you can’t play around with their lives like a game. It’s incredibly admirable that you would keep track of these things so closely just for their health.”

“I don’t normally offer this,” Daelus held a hand to his chest with a warm smile that didn’t quite fully reach his eyes. “But we could arrange a tour so you can feel secure with our products.

 Yes! Bruce waved the thought away as if it weren’t exactly what he had been aiming for. “I wouldn’t want to ask too much by asking to poke my nose into your company’s workings.”

“Oh no Mr. Wayne, nothing would be asking too much from you!”

“Bet you twenty he’s just trying to get you as a financial backer. He’s laying this on really thick.”

Bruce was inclined to agree with his oldest. “Well, if you’re sure; it would be delightful to see how your brilliant scientists create these medicines. And if it helps Tim, and others of course, I would be more than happy to put some donations in to help further the research.’

Daelus flashed another million-dollar smile. “That’s very generous of you! Tell me when you’re next free and I’ll clear the whole day for you. Better yet,” He pulled out a card. “You can call whenever you would like and I’ll drop everything!”