#im aro and somewhat ace and in a relationship

[certifiedsexed]

I'm just being sensitive but I feel like I'm disgusting for liking guys and/or girls. I'm aromantic, and I'm somewhat on the ace spectrum but I get horny a lot and it makes me feel disgusting and like I'm a disgusting person for being that way. I logically know that doesn't make sense but it still feels so real when I think of the idea of ever having sex with someone my age. I'm a teenager, and I couldn't actually go and have sex anyways because of how my whole family and living situation is but its still like. Weird. I don't know. I want to have sex but the very thought terrifies me because I'm bigender and I've had awful experiences with guys that range from toxic to sexual trauma and I'm terrified of having sex with anyone else because even if it was possible I'm not exactly someone anyone really wants in general.

Tldr; I want to have sex, but im too scared and even if I could despite my situation I feel like I'm disgusting for it and I'm scared of getting thrown into awful situations. I feel like a gross creep for not liking people romantically but still wanting to have sex. Especially when it comes to liking girls. I might as well be emulating the very thing I've been taught not to be like.

Okay, so first: this isn't just you being sensitive. Feeling ashamed of your sexuality and sexual attraction in particular is a very common experience, especially in the LGBTQ+ community, and its very encouraged by the world in general.

Its not just you being "sensitive" when you're struggling with it.

Adding to that sexual trauma and general transphobia? It makes a lot of sense.

Secondly, let me say that you're not disgusting. Sexual attraction to other people is not wrong, or disgusting, or creepy. You don't owe people the possibility of a romantic relationship whether you're just sexually attracted to them or if you have sex.

If you've been taught that being sexually attracted to girls is disgusting, whoever taught you that was wrong. There's nothing wrong with that. You're not sexually assaulting anyone, you're not harassing anyone, there's nothing wrong with that.

My advice here would first be to find yourself some people or community of similar sexuality to you, especially people who are talking about their sexuality. Whether that's locally or an online group (there are some on here specifically for aro people who experience sexual attraction!), I think even just reading/listening to people talk about it might be good for you.

Getting to the point that you can talk about it more as well would probably be incredibly helpful too. That might be easier online.

I also think learning more about sex, shame and internalized homophobia might be helpful too. You're not alone in this experience, Anon and I think learning more about that and how other people deal with that would be really helpful.

I don't know that this is helpful but let me know if you have anymore questions. <3

[squeiky]

Ships im into nowadays:

Metal sonic x chaos 0

Sonkux

Sonadow

Wave x Rouge

Espilver

Mephilver (angst and also ot has to be my specific interpertation.)

Being a multishipper is fun. ALSO, Amy Rose is #aro forever (maybe ace?)

>>back up reasons

Metaos: Im obbssesed with Beauty and thw beast, but what if your both the "beast" in different ways? Chaos, so gentle and sweet and cares for the most fragile of creatures- BUT everyone sees him as a monster. Metal sonic, not a monster (atleast in the eggpire) untill it shows its truely colors *cough*Sonic Heroes *cough*, but how much of its life is nature vs nurture? Program vs programming? Both dubious in morality, with Chaos 0's actions both in the past and times square, and Metal Sonic's actions under the Eggpire. It think its neat to be grey.

Sonkux: i like knuckles. Lets add sonic!

Sonadow: [insert thesis here] [insert nico collins: On Accident] i think its neat. im not as obbsessed with it as used to be, and its just a good ship with a lot of media to dig into, analyze, and enjoy.

Wavouge: bad girls, hot girls, fail girls, girls who go shoplifting. They'd flirt then make fun of you at a mall. Im sure Jet is tired of hearing Wave flex about her hot ass girlfreind while Rouge is downing 60 pina coladas in bar where shadow's chanting "chug". They'd make perfect protagonists in that on highschool 06' game. I love them.

Espilver: anxiety x calm. Akward x secretly silly (tried to hide it but fails). Bumbling fools i tell you. Whats not to love?

Mephilver: I need a reality where Silver, after years of abuse and manipualtion for Mephiles, gets to choke him to death with his bare hands. The more edgy and dark, this is, the better the satisfaction when Silver gets the last laugh. Keep it intresting, with some grey areas inbetween? Add in sonic, amy, blaze and shadow? You get the best angst.

>> okay hot takes (no shade to other shippers):

(Used to do blazamy, but now i just cant stand anyone being shipped with Amy anymore.)

silvaze is my squick. personally i like to be more creative in my shipping. everytime i think of a perfectly, canonically established, GOOD freindship between a girl and boy being overrriden by "romance" it aches me. Why CANT they just be freinds?

Sonamy only works if its onesided. I just like amy rose realizing that maybe her crush is kinda a coping mechanism. in reality she just values sonic as an freind and inspiration, but is afraid of loosing him- so to cope she convinces herself she loves him like that, to make her feel like he's gonna stay. Something like that. (Again, the aro amy story, pressures of allonormativity, ect.)

Though i perfer gen, Shadouge gets a somewhat pass, causs they're silly like that and i dont think their relationship would change much other than the occasional reciprical flirt. Also, please, someone include Omega in this ship. He deserves a throuple😔✊️

[lokh]

#maybe laios has to have his own awakening <-- I'd be very much interested in hearing what that might look like to you 👀 Shuro pining and stressing over it is the easiest thing to imagine, but I struggle a bit with imagining what Laios' perspective on romance is and his romantic interest in general

OK SO....... realistically i think his view on romance in canon is probably closer to how even though we know his passion is monsters we KNOW he wants to eat monsters So Fucking bad...... his favorite food is still cheesecake. yknow?????? but it's not his Passion.... he mentions having a fiance (somewhat as a point of pride iirc?) but having to break it off when he left his hometown. if he Does experience romantic/sexual attraction then it's kind of secondary to everything else going on with him (see also the succubus thing)... ive always kind of assumed that for him, at the very least before ditching town, that getting married was just a thing you did (were supposed to do) and while he wasn't opposed to it, maybe even interested in it, clearly he doesn't seem to care enough to seek it out afterwards. AS an aroace person i want to believe he's on the aroace spectrum adfvccvvbhb..... aro spec non ace laios is interesting too though.....

BASICALLY it's not a huge concern of his BUT. the question of marriage and succession WILL come up post canon. unfortunately he might not be able to take such a lackadaisical attitude about Who he gets with now that he's such a big deal.... but then again, he's got that rebellious streak and seems pretty good at making situations work in his favor. like who's Really gonna be able to stop him if he decides he wants to marry some guy from the eastern archipelago......

I think he might need an awakening in the sense that taking the view that he's kind of assumed that marriage is just a thing that'll happen to him at some point, he's probably never considered getting with a guy. it's just never crossed his mind. but we know he's open minded and willing to take on-board new ideas...... its less a huge awakening than an Oh! i see i get it moment wjnshdhxbx. actually i can imagine the idea being floated to him and he kinda goes hmmmmmm i don't really get it (for me) but ok i guess. then someone going (perhaps out of pity for an already pining shuro) ok but now imagine you and shuro being that close and him going AH! now I get it.

we know that laios cares deeply about the people close to him but it's hard for us to imagine him romantically and that's probably true for the people around him also tbh. i think no matter how you spin it (that he's aroace but decides to have a relationship anyway, or that he does experience any attraction) that perception will always hold and there might be the concern of does he Really get it though irt a relationship (in this case laishuro). I also think that if he does decide on a relationship with someone he cares about that he WILL care deeply he just might not show it in like. any overtly romantic way...

i will say that part of that perception of him being incapable of romance and sexual attraction, im concerned is because of him also being well. pretty autistic lmao. which is obviously not fair. but romance has never been a huge focal point in dungeon meshi much the same way it isn't really for laios, but it's still there nonetheless....

it's possible also that he has a bigger interest in romance and sex than is apparent but because of how Social it is that he simply won't pursue it. he's aware of his lack of social ability and is pretty insular with his social group (iirc this is kabrus perception of him?) so I dont think it's unreasonable to believe he might have decided it wasn't worth the effort to seek it out. but with someone who's Already a friend and you've already made all the possible social gaffes with and they haven't left despite that..........

[hunkygreenbean]

i mentioned this briefly in my post abt different forms of acephobia ive personally faced, but i wanted to make this its own post because its a huge thing ive been seeing in the queer community.

Yes, there are aspec people who can experience sexual/romantic attraction to some degree. There are aro ppl who date, there are sex positive asexuals. Aspec ppl like any other group are not a monolith.

However within the queer community, romantic/sexual relationships are placed in such high regard that whenever someone is aspec, we expect them to somewhat sex/romance positive. There is very little wiggle room for completley celibate/single aspec people.

I am completley sex repulsed. I have no desire for sexual relationships at all. Ace/aro ppl already catch enough flack from cishet society for our orientation. So when I see posts by other sex repulsed aces talking about their experiences and i see comments from other queer ppl going "hi just remember aces can have sex and aces that have sex and experience sexual attraction are also valid and beautiful!!! :)))" it just comes off as completley tone deaf. Its like those ppl that post under fat positivity posts "skinny people, youre also beautiful and awesome!! :)))"

And where this is most prevalent is in fandom/OC culture. So much of fandom culture is based on shipping. So I feel that lots of creators write aspec characters that do feel sexual/romantic attraction to some degree to maximize shippability while also writing in representation. Sure, its great we get some form of aspec rep. But as a sex repulsed ace creator, I want to see more aspec characters like me. I want aros who are happily single. I want aces who have no desires for sex.

Queer communtity, we need to get comfortable with fully sex/romance repulsed aspecs. This post isnt meant to throw shade at neuteral or positive aspecs. But like its exhausting the amount of pressure ive personally felt as a sex repulsed ace to like sex in some form. And im sure im not the only one who has noticed this. If your support and uplifiting of aspec folks only encompases the easily shippable, youre neglecting an entire swath of the aspec community. If you cant ride with all of us, you arent actually an ace ally.

[thedeepstate69]

Valorant sexuality nd gender hc’s

I’ve have so many thoughts abt val characters gender istg

(also maybe don’t take this too seriously)

Astra:

Straight but the biggest ally you’ll ever meet

(She/Her)

Breach:

Angry gay

Very cis

Kind of the cool gay uncle

Raze came out to him and he just sat there like??

Breach: Lesbian? I thought you were Portuguese 

Raze: ...Breach I’m Brazilian 

Brimstone:

KJ came out to him and it went smth like:

KJ: Brim i’m gay

Brimstone: Hi gay im brimstone

Straight but he’s for the gays

His pronouns are U/S/A (eagle screech plays in background)

Chamber:

Queer and homophobic in a way only Europeans can be

Cypher:

Bisexual perhaps with a side of genderqueer

Deadlock:

Women lover

A she/they

Would cry over beautiful women

Fade:

They are so nonbinary 

They/She/He Fade is so real to me

Also a women enjoyer just isn’t a fan of labels

Ace spec fr

Gekko:

Green hair nd pronouns

Bisexual

Harbor:

No one really knows???

He’s either very supportive of his bros or is somewhat fruity

Him nd Astra kinda goals ngl

Jett:

Bisexual

Women?

Kay/o:

My boy is made of 1′s nd 0′s i do not think he could care less

Killjoy:

Lesbian

Her gender is science

Neon:

Pansexual

Blue hair nd pronouns fr

My little silly

Omen:

The voices

Phoenix:

I told a friend of mine (who doesnt play val) that phoenix has two mums and she just looked at him and said “he looks like the type” ????

Bisexual but scared of women

Raze:

The biggest women lover 

gender is whats in your pants??? alright *pulls out several explosives*

Reyna:

Lesbian

Men anti 

Sage:

Trans, cottagecore lesbian

Mother???

Skye:

Aro Ace as fuck bro

Sex?? Romance?? nah mate the forest

Her nd dealock r in a queer platonic relationship 

Sova:

*Rubs my hands together evily*

Trans, gay Sova

You can pry this hc from my cold body

Viper:

Transfem

Straight but still anti men

Yoru:

Trans

Homophobic homosexual ngl

Phoenix tries to show any affection nd hes just like >:0 thats gay

Bonus:

Ruben pontes nd Oran McEneff:

Both gay

My actual OTP

I get sad when I think abt them

[zeronetxt]

examples from this post below

Aro/Aces

Jason Todd. I'm fr heavy on this one because i'm gatekeeping him cough cough but to me (idc that its canon that he is not, if i ignore canon its not real) he seems like the type not to really gaf. and honestly, NOT EVERY SUPERHERO NEEDS TO HAVE A ROMANTIC ARC 🙄🙄 take notes from me, dc. i have an demi-aspec oc who is feral af and would totally smother jason with affection and he is thriving (he really isn't, hes a traumatised demon)

Chuuya Nakahara because NOWHERE IS IT MENTIONED (that i could find, at least) THAT HE HAS AN INTEREST IN WOMEN OR MEN. The only one i can think of that he would be interested in is dazai and i see that as a "pikachu! i choose you!" moment instead of a "i hate you, i want to be yours" type of thing. i'm not sure how to explain it, but like a forced crush since they have after all known each other for 7 years and literally dazai can anticipate his movements. (im talking about that one scene in the guild arc i think it was. "WHY YOU!")

Percy Jackson. I'm putting him as demi (still somewhat on the aspec tho yk?) because of his relationship with annabeth. idc, THEY ARE EACH OTHERS ENDGAMES. id say pretty much the same for annabeth, i mean, they knew each other for a while before they fell in love and started dating, but tbf, i have NOT even read the pjo series in a ehile sad face

Jouno Saigiku because i feel like his only interest is justice. i dunno how to expand on him, but yeah. i love jouno so much and if he really do be dead before i get a suegiku reunion, im firing everyone

Tetchou Suehiro. he's an (adorable) oddity in itself, but still serious. I don't think he'd be looking for a relationship, especially in his line of work. he is quite literally an overworker. MY BOY IS TRAINING EVEN DURING MEETINGS. however my one exception to 'bro has no feelings' is jouno. why? learn in the bi section of this (its quite obvious tho)

Ranpo Edogawa. Mostly because have you seen him? i'd say his only interests are solving crimes and his snacks (and obviously the ada). obviously he has more, but those are the main ones that come to mind. other than the (probably) one sided rivalry of ranpoe where i swear poe is the only one that says theyre rivals, i dont think that he's the type to make relationships with others outside of the ada. maybe the hunting dogs/pm if he really had to, but i kin him, and i say he is

Trans people (mostly just trans men, im sorry to my girlies 🥺)

just a not i want to put, i think i only put trans guy hcs bc i myself am transmasc lewl

Junichirou Tanizaki. Sorry, i feel stereotypical for saying this, but his body, my dude. also his style, in the manga, he wears a black top underneath his white vneck(?) whichh to me feels like its a binder. also i love that ranga and naomis relationship w him kinda makes me sad, but ill post my theory on that another time. and also his hair (beautiful and gorgeous btw) just makes me so happy w the little clips and stuff. baggy shirt my guy, great style.

Jason Todd SOMETIMES. i think i just want to relate to him a lil, because im a lil silly like that.

chuuya nakahara on occasion but i think its just because were the same height 🧍

ryuunosuke akutagawa because honestly a trans aku would be interesting but not that relevant. idk, i like the idea of it

Bisexuals/Pansexuals

ATSUSHI NAKAJIMA!!! I MEAN THINK ABOUT IT. lucy??? akutagawa??? BROS HAD HEAVY MOMENTS WITH BOTH OF THEM. i can not see him as anything but a disaster bisexual honestly.

Jason Todd (again HA). Seeing as people can be pan/bi as well as aro/ace, i see him fitting into that, maybe demi-bi or something. he doesnt really strike me as the type to fall in love quickly, but he doesnt really care what he falls for, he cares for whom he does. i am a jason todd hc kinnie

Michizou Tachihara. my goody, i dont ship it but tachigin is just right there. and the scene during the corruption arc w tanizaki (i am not romanticising this but i feel like i am, DEAD). i love the content w him, and also i noticed he and juni pretty much have the same shirt 💀 but also, bro has piercings and dyes his hair, does he just know he is gorgeous???

percy jackson, i'm not even gonna expand

Tetchou Suehiro because BRO AND JOUNO FR. not even gonna lie, if a man (tecchou) says that he would put me above justice for FIVE MINUTES, I WOULD FOLD. thats the main one for me. the other would be the pushups during a meeting. their moments are just cute, sue me

lol im too lazy to come up with i cant think of any more

[ssylverr]

a few years back when first learning about aromanticism, i thought "hm.. maybe IM aromantic."

and i thought that for one reason, which was mainly something that i had seen lots of aro people say was a sign that they were aro.

when i was younger, i thought that i just HAD to have a crush on a boy. because it was the norm. it was what i was supposed to do. i had to have a crush. so i picked a guy friend of mine and, despite having ZERO actual feelings towards him, deemed him as my """""crush""""". because i thought i needed to have one.

turns out i wasnt aro, just way too pressured to want to have a relationship at WAY too young an age. i was like five. and i think it may have been especially because when i was that young i didnt know other genders were an option and i was like "i have to have a crush on a boy".

then a few years later it turned out i actually had a crush on his sister

anyway point is even for people who arent aro or ace, people put way too much pressure eon younger kids telling them that they need to like someone. that everyone needs to have a crush on someone. and it especially pisses me off that i was convinced of this when i was barely old enough to be in kindergarten. like. what the fuck. and even though it, in the grand scheme of things wasnt all that long ago that i was in kindergarten, everyone i knew only ever was okay with or talked about being straight. i didnt even know girls were an option until years later!!! and i didnt even know they/thems were an option either!!! fuck i didnt even know they EXISTED!!!!

anyway i hope that was somewhat maybe a little bit comprehensible i just had to like try to articulate all of this bullshit thats been on my mind for a REALLY LONG TIME............

[my-castles-crumbling]

sooo..i heard/saw people coming out, and i think im aromantic??

how am i meant to tell, i was never a fan of romance, but still-

Hi! <3

Okay, so let me take this in a few steps:

First, the only person who can decide what identity fits you is you. I can certainly help and explain and define, but the way you 'tell' if you're a certain identity is if it feels right to you!

Second, I'm definitely not aromantic, so I'm going to use my own knowledge and experience to try help you, but it might help you to find some aro people who are willing to talk and ask them about their feelings as well. Not trying to be rude at all, but the best people to ask about how it feels are the people who feel it!

Third, from what I know, aromantic is similar to asexual, except the first is for romance and the second is for sex, right? And I know that asexuality has a huge range. There are ace people who are sex-repulsed, ace people who are okay with sex sometimes or in certain circumstances, and then identities under the ace umbrella, like demisexual (which I identify with).

I'd infer that the identity of being aromantic is somewhat the same. There are probably some aro people who hate romance and are repulsed by it, while others might just 'not be a fan.' Still others might still participate in romantic relationships for reasons that are personal to them.

Here's the thing: given the idea that being aromantic is a spectrum, if you were to say aloud "I am aromantic," would that feel right to you? I can't decide that for you. Try talking about it with a few people you trust and see how it feels. It's super important to realize, too, that you can change your mind about how you identify. Through self-discovery, that can happen! It's okay to be like, 'oh, I think I'm aromantic.' but then in a few weeks, say 'Hey, actually, I'm not!' The people who care about you should love you no matter what and they will adapt.

I hope that helps! <3 I'm here if you ever need to talk!

PS. If any aromantic people have any corrections to make, please feel free!

[nonnydog]

Do you guys ever think about love. (Obvious question)

I’m now about three months out from ending my first ever relationship. It was complicated and good and great and sad and all of the above—somewhat tragic, yet inevitable. (Yes it was a wlw relationship, to everyone asking.) I finally got my first kiss at the ripe age of 21, lol. And we’re coming up on what would’ve been our one year in Fall pretty soon.

But, on the opposite end now. . . I finally feel like I’ve lost feelings for that woman. She’s still my friend, but that romantic energy is gone. I got rid of it. So did she.

I have always had complicated feelings about romance. I never felt it was something necessary to fulfillment in life (im birom/bisexual, for context, but there was a period where I wondered if I was aro/ace or some unique combo). I really value my independence and being able to do what I want when I want to. I know this is sounding trademark commitment issues, but I think it’s more that I’ve realized that maybe a romantic, long-term relationship isn’t for me.

Obviously, I’m happy for all those who want to pursue romance and long-term stuff, etc. And I know there are less tight relationships—like, I really like the idea of having separate bedrooms. But for me. . . I’m not sure if that life, in general, is for me.

I’m not sure that I want to have to take another person’s wants and needs into consideration when thinking about moving places, buying things, etc. Issa lot. I have friends who love me. I have friends who hug me. Obviously, other things would be nice, but it’s not like I’d be without people or touch should I choose to not pursue a partner.

I feel things about those posts that say “are they too close to be friends? Or are you just not close enough to your friends?” I think we should all be closer to our friends. And romantic relationships are not paramount. They can be enhancing, but, imo, they should not make or break life.

I just don’t think romance should be assumed as a default thing. As something required for happiness. As something everyone is expected to do.

I could be wrong about my personal preferences here—or, they may change overtime. I’m not sure yet. Just thinking about love, and such, as of late.

[becauseplot]

Just read your new fic and uugh im simply obsessed with your writing really!!! The way you write Liz and Thiago scratches all the braincells i have about them

I especially love the way you portray their relationship! Im not aro myself, but i am ace and these portrayals of undefined relationships that dont fit the commom labels bring me so much joy. Even more so when its with my favorite characters being shown somewhat as part of the Aspec

Also i agree with you! The ordem universe really has a lot of potential for aro and/or ace readings of sooo many of the relationship between characters. Because i feel like the experiences that come with having contact with the paranormal impact the characters and their relationships with one another in such a deep level that ends up binding them together in ways that are often hard to define but definitely always fun to explore!

Back to your fic specifically, i think you truly get the intricacies of their bond, the way you write about their struggles with both the paranormal and with their own issues aways makes me go "Yes!! Yes you get it!!" When im reading. Their banter and mannerisms are really accurate, and im also a huge fan of how you potrayed Thiago's internal conflicts! In fact, the way you write him its one of my favorites aspecs of your ordem fics...

Sorry for the rambling! I hope its understandable, i just had to come and compliment your ordem writing again because its so good!!

Glad I could scratch the braincells!! This fic was a lot of fun to write, I simply adore them :D

I myself am aspec (heavier on the aro, probably some flavor of ace) so aromantic readings of ordem relationships are so special to me. And YOU. YOU get it EXACTLY. The circumstances that the characters meet each other in Ordem are incredibly distressing, often life-or-death, and highly unusual---of course the relationships that flourish out of them are going to be different from the more "typical" platonic, romantic, and familial relationships; and putting them strictly in any of those boxes often sacrifices the relationship's nuance. Thus, an aromantic/queer-platonic/unlabeled lens for analyzing the relationships can be very helpful! God I could write paragraphs on the matter (and I have, in insane late-night ramblings in DMs and discords hdskhdj) but what it boils down to is that it's care, and love, and at the end of the day, that's what these characters desperately need from each other, because the story they live in certainly isn't going to provide it for them.

Liz and Thiago are especially fun to chew on. Like many of the other characters, their relationship is founded on a trauma bond: only they really know what happened to Gonzales, Daniel, Alex, and the monster in Nostradamus, and they very nearly didn't survive it themselves. Grief, shock, and desperation are at the roots of their relationship, and their relationship flourishes out of that shared trauma---of course they're going to stick close together. So now you've got this powerful bond between two characters who met a month ago that is constantly being tied tighter by these missions, making them cling to each other harder and lean on each other more heavily as more people die and as circumstances become more and more dire.

So, "friends" becomes a seemingly weak word in the face of that, nor does it seem to check all the boxes when you have such strong feelings for the person that don't seem to fit under what you would typically feel for a "friend." BUT there isn't any language available to accurately or succinctly label your relationship otherwise. Thus, Thiago's conundrum in the fic.

Anyway, yes! Their personal struggles and the paranormal threats they face go hand in hand! The threats they face often pull out the rawest parts of characters, which makes them fun to analyze. I'm glad their banter and mannerisms felt accurate, it was one of the ones I was incredibly mindful of when writing this---taking extra care to make sure that this fic really felt like them. The banter and bickering are essential <3

Never apologize for the rambling! If anything I should apologize I've just dumped a bunch of paragraphs right back on you my dude lmao.

Thanks for the lovely comment, it made my day <33

[oh-no-boi]

its sort of.. eh? seeing the post abt like how figuring out ur identity to all the micro identities is uh individualistic and we should focus on what we have in common and stuff.... and i mean i agree

but its so weird bc i struggled with it and tried to dissect it all so much bc i felt like i didnt fit in with the ace community lol like it literally felt so isolating feeling like im ace but not emotionally connecting with what a lot of people were saying

im rly happy there are a lot more micro identites that are under asexuality and aromatism now and i can see myself in them better

finding the aces who wrote/drew porn, who also were facinated by sex, was just so comforting. and like there many of us, kinky aces are known as a thing now. i didnt see that when in high school, i saw more abt how oh aces dont want sex, and aros dont want relationships, and actually its so progressive to not want these things that even if u want them, u should not want them as a way to rebel. maybe that was a single post and many didnt feel this way but this *was* a pretty popular blog or at least it felt like it! and it fucked me up a bit lol

the day i did see a post of someone mentioning the same thing of like "oh daydreaming sex between ur ocs is hot but thats bc ur not in the equation and thats the only way u enjoy sex" with a name for the identity.. lol there were plenty of shitty replies that just diminished it as "lol no one cares abt ur sex fantasies, like we all have those, its not a sexuality/indentity" misunderstanding the frustration of like what it feels like to be into that and then left confused by not being turned on by like porn and actual human beings and just in relation to urself

i dont go by that micro identity, i dont need it anymore but teen me did

so i guess i just have a lot of emotion and stuff abt micro identities and figuring those out and feeling like ur not alone

i do just say im queer or gay and ace/aro spec these days, and of course trans nonbiney and also just dont rly care that much

i very much agree that a lot of shit gets used as gatekeeping and also pitting ppl against each other.. but i rly cant help but feel like sometimes it feels dismissive of figuring out wtf is going on with urself even if thats prob, u kno, not the point at all

idk i think when ur identity is complex and u feel so weirdly out if the loop of the rest, it matters a lot for self discovery.. but i guess with a focus in just what we have in common.. like i guess a bunch of this shouldnt have mattered if the focus from the start was just "oh yeah im queer and thats chill" but also like how do u seperate it from a journey of discovery of urself? even something like are u bi or just gay, does it matter? maybe not but it probably will to u.

u kno, its also funny but i feel like— well first i chilled out of sexuality bc i got all explorational and ?? with gender so mumy focus shifted— but a huge part of what helped me sort of figure out shit further is... masturbation haha and like please understand, im still a somewhat sex repulsed ace who has also been a bit sex/smut obsessed. it used to not make much sense in my mind, now maybe its still just as complicated but also eh simple enough. im still a kinky and smut obsessed little weirdo?, and im still sex repulsed and probably still wont end up having sex with anyone, i even look away from ppl kissing bc i find it gross, but heyyyy i also fucking love to jerk off 😏 and its all just been... thanks sex toys! bc the thing is, i still find it kinda gross, but also not as much now.. and also i cant do anything without sex toys bc i guess they give that distance my brain needs? but basically figuring this out and coming to be able to enjoy my body has also quieted the part of my brain that kept being curious abt sex and fully unsure if i could ever have it. im still not fully sure bc i feel like i can still change but its made me understand a lot more abt myself.

theres also still a lot im ?? abt.. my mind abt top surgery swings so wildly from yes to no, even like thoughts of micro dosing t is like yes i'd like to but also i like what i look like as well?? and as a friend kinda laughed at me, im most nervous abt facial hair, something that is not that hrd to deal with but im just ,,shaving 😱 lik3 buddy i havnt even shaved anything in years! (tho i used to hate armpit hair.. tho mainly i guess society 🙄 and now im.. ok with it but also yeah u prob wont catch me wearing a not tshirt in the summer lol)

..this post has gone nowhere

uh im gonna post bc i spend too long typing even tho i got a headache (tho hey the ice pack has helped! thanks google) but we can pretend i never did lol

[ouidamforeman]

This may make me look like an idiot bc I can’t articulate myself BUT!!!!!!!! Big Queer Good Omens meta incoming

I want to talk about This Neil Gaiman ask for a minute because I figured out why I really like his blanket response to this “discourse” a lot but still somewhat disagree on the nuance, and why fandom attitudes about this bother me much much more than his open ended response like this one

Under a read more because im going to get Insane

First of all this is going to be riddled with my own viewpoints on queerness as a transmasculine nonbinary person who reads too much theory so if u disagree please be polite lol

So like. To begin with I really don’t think Neil is obligated to understand these nuances or even comment on them, let alone explain them to fans desperate for validation, so the fact that he’s been able to answer so eloquently is pretty impressive considering how vicious fandom is. But I want to specifically talk about what I think he means here and why that seems to bother fandom so much sometimes, and how fan interpretation of these ideas he presents can get Really weird and interesting imo.

In my view, Neil is answering this from a Doylist perspective, as in like. To the real life human audience, angels and demons are inherently queer because they don’t fit into traditional human definitions of genders and sexualities. This especially comes across in his insistence that Aziraphale and Crowley aren’t gay because they aren’t human men, but they ARE queer. This literally just looks to me like him saying “yeah so no angels and demons fit into these categories so they’re definitely queer from our perspective but I understand ‘gay’ as being two men and i don’t think that fits because it’s narrow” and while I disagree on some nuances here for reasons I’ll get into I think this makes total sense as an author describing how, from his perspective, an audience is intended to view these nonhuman characters.

However, I’m much more interested in a more Watsonian explanation of how A&C are queer, one that’s much more relativistic and honestly not something I expect Neil to go over every time he gets another ask about this???? My opinion has always been that A&C choosing human queer masculinity is significant and that it gives evidence to them being nonbinary, transmasc, gay, ace, aro, anything that people headcanon really. Because they are presenting themselves as queer in a HUMAN way in universe imo, which makes them queer not just by the standards of the audience but by the standards of other angels and demons in the story? I think that the fact that they were created as sexless and genderless and then CHOSE human gender presentations, whether nonbinary or not, that reflected themselves, and then them being in love with each other in a human way IS what makes them queer, not Just the idea that an angel without a gender or sexuality/romantic or other relationship orientation is inherently queer from the average human’s perspective. People who just want them to be Human Cis Gay Men are really missing this idea I think.

The thing is though. And I don’t think this is Neil’s problem to solve or whatever, nor does it mean “stop liking that angels and demons are genderless”. The thing that annoys the shit out of me. Is that fandom, even queer fandom, took Neil’s Doylist explanation of celestial beings’ gender status and just didn’t think any further about it. To this day people insist that A&C MUST be nonbinary forever just because they’re an angel and demon and were made that way. Like literally just inventing Fantasy Biological Essentialism again which is annoying as hell to me, another nonbinary person. Again, the fact that they were created without any sense of gender or biological sex and then chose any humanish gender for themselves at all whether nonbinary or not is what makes them queer in universe I feel. I think the “they’re an angel and demon so they’re inherently nonbinary and can’t be anything else” is shit tbh.

To reiterate, I think Neil is responding about this from a Doylist perspective aka “to the real life audience all angels and demons are queer because they don’t fit into human genders and sexualities” but I am focused much more on the Watsonian idea that A&C are queer in universe bc angels and demons can choose their gender presentations like humans can and everyone else hasn’t figured it out bc they haven’t been on earth to figure out what gender even is. I feel fandom gets weird about this because lots of people still see gender as something solely internal and inherent, when I genuinely don’t think that’s all it is. It’s internal feeling, external projection/behavior, and both of those as a reflection of social experience all at once. The feelings and internal sense of Knowing your gender or lack thereof is inherent to your self identity, but your gender is also informed by what you understand genders as, and what presentations you understand and have access to! Aziraphale and Crowley can be Human Genders because, because they’ve been on earth, they 1)know what gender is, 2)can see those feelings reflected in themselves, and 3)through that understanding choose how to present based on their feelings! They don’t just have to be genderless celestial beings in the sense angels are if they don’t feel like it anymore! They can be like “oh actually I’m a queer man” or “oh I’m nonbinary but in the way that I’m among humans and I’m not a man or woman.” I just feel like only considering them queer from a human or angel perspective but not both is sort of undermining the themes in the text against bioessentialism in favor of the instant validation of “oh they’re angels so they must be nonbinary.” Perhaps having any human gender presentation is queer to the average angel. Our internal feelings and sense of self knowledge as queer people is inherent. How we act on those things and assign meaning and labels to them can be anything! A&C can be anything they feel like! They don’t have to be the classic celestial beings above gender! I feel like they would love and have fallen into human gender customs just from so long on earth, and that doesn’t mean they can’t be nonbinary or agender. It means they, as a part of humanity, saw and understood human genders and realized what gender they were in relation, whatever you headcanon that to be. And that’s more queer than “god made them without sex and gender so I guess their species makes them inherently one thing”!!!!!!

[secretbidentity]

Me: I just want someone to date me

Someone: hi

Me: not you

[aro-culture-is]

i think im aro and while im somewhat weirded out imagining myself in a romantic relationship, i also think being in love with someone and doing all the love stuff like moving in together snd getting married would be nice, despite not wanting a romantic relationship/feeling that way abt anyone

is that ok?

yeah. some aro ppl want romo relationships, similar to how some ace people have sex. if you aren't familiar with the term, i'd also strongly advise you look into QueerPlatonic Relationships, or qprs.

[kiwinatorwaffles]

updated shipping stance

i am a mostly romance-adverse aromantic. im usually not a huge fan of (romantic or sexual) ships regardless of fandom LMAOOOOO (some exclusions apply)

as for mcyt shipping, again, im not a fan. but not because i think it's rpf but because like i said before, i'm romance adverse LMAO you guys are good im not against it in the slightest. sometimes ill refer to the ships but whenever i talk about them its nonromantic and nonsexual

if you ever see me posting or reblogging something intended to be a ship, please do not assume that i automatically ship it. sometimes i do, but even then, most of the time i’ll view it in a platonic/queerplatonic/alterous way as with most ships i enjoy i usually headcanon one or both of the characters as somewhat aspec

only exception would be established/implied relationships. or two mofos who are so obviously pining for each other that even i, the most aro mofo ever, can feel their tension. slay dating/married/pining bitches slay

and in those cases, i will post about the ship. BUT [spongebob WAIT meme] like i said earlier MOST OF THE TIME IT'S NOT ROMANTIC OR SEXUAL IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN

here is a non-comprehensive list of ships i might post/reblog sometimes about in case you want to filter them out:

wrightworth (ace attorney) but queerplatonic and epic as god intended

zelink (skyward sword + botw/totk) but queerplatonic and epic as the goddesses intended

marlink (link's awakening) but queerplatonic and epic as the goddesses intended

souyou (persona 4) but queerplatonic and epic as god intended

i think you see the pattern forming but ok

pegoryu (persona 5)

caejose (jjba part 2)

tl;dr: im not a shipper but im also not against ships 👍 but please dont talk to me about ships unless i mention it first myself!

[transfemlogan]

Instagram Feb 2023. More of my sides stuff from IG that I 4got 2 post :P

I have no spoons to copy everything word for word so I will just simplify it all.

Colour schemes:

I didnt originally plan to make them colours of the rainbow like how the Sanders Sides +c!Thomas are, that was a very recent idea.

I am orange, Maddox/Impulse is red, Memphis/Egotism is pink, Melvin/Compassion is green, Medusa/Creativity is cyan & I recently made Mercury/Paranoia yellow. Maven/Fatigue is probably going to be purple & I don't have another side to make indigo.

[Non-coloured text: I am orange, Maddox/Impulse is red, Memphis/Egotism is pink, Melvin/Compassion is green, Medusa/Creativity is cyan & I recently made Mercury/Paranoia yellow. Maven/Fatigue is probably going to be purple & I don't have another side to make indigo.]

Symbols/logos:

My sides' logos r all over the place, instead of being on their chest like (most of) the Sanders Sides :P

Melvin's logo is two hands interlocked & it's a patch on his battle jacket. Its place on his heart.

Madds' logo is like the boom emoji (💥) or explosion. It is placed on the sides of its big combat boots.

Medusa's logo is like. An eyeball. Painbrush. This will change idk what i was thinking originally NDHSKFNFB. Kits logo is placed on the front of kits overalls pocket.

Maven's logo is a bunch of Zs like a sleeping person would be given in art (💤). It's placed on the largest pin on their beanie.

Memphis' logo is a pink, handheld mirror. It is one of the charms on her phone.

Mercs does not... have a logo design. & the logo is either on the back of Mercs' shirt or on one of Mercs' bracelets.

Relationship dynamics:

All my sides get along relatively ok & good. If the Sanders Sides wont love each other then MINE WILL!!!

The only sides that have a somewhat rough relationship is Mel & Madds. Mel, being compassion, wants 2 hear everything 1st in any sort of conflict & tends 2 have a more unbiased view on everything. He is still incredibly supportive & kind regardless of his personal opinion. He is like... Making soup 4 everyone and wanting to help as many people as possible.

Madds, on the other hand, being impulse & a lot of my ""negative"" violent feelings, refuses 2 hear ANYONE out. It will hold a grudge til the end of the earth even if it doesnt know the whole story. As soon as some sort of conflict happens it is choosing the Worse answer imaginable regardless if it even fits the situation ("did that guy just bump into you? We have to kill them" "im sure it was an accident—" "it absolutely Was Not").

OBVIOUSLY. THEY DON'T AGREE MOST OF THE TIME DNSHDKDN. Mel is like "lets talk this out. Communication is important!" & madds is like "Everyone here is wrong except for me. Lets kill them all now."

(They still will bend over backwards for each other if needed)

Maven's trait is fatigue bcuz i have CFS/ME*, though they also represent any sort of fatigue(??) Im. Unsure how to explain. Back in middle schopl before I developed CFS/ME, it was a lot of suicidal/depressive fatigue. It can also be executive dysfunction or autistic shutdowns/meltdowns. ETC whatever u get it.

They're the like. Apathy I feel? I do not experience empathy or sympathy (most of the time) & being aro, ace, and apl, and loveless I tend to not feel Normally. I am also autistic & have alexithymia. THIS IS HARD 2 EXPLAIN BCUZ I AM LOW ON SPOONS. ASK ME LATER OF UR STILL CONFUSED. I DONT KNOW.

WHATEVER. Because Maven is fatigue/apathy/etc they don't really care abt any1 around them. That's melvin's job! They're too busy sleeping in their wheelchair or on the floor. They aren't mean or anything, they're just apathetic & sleepy.

Memphis only cares abt himself but bcuz all the sides + me r Technically Also Him he kind of has 2 care 4 evry1 else. Though, if warranted, she would literally push us off a cliff to save herself (she would also push us off a cliff 4 no rzn).

Medusa likes to cling to Memphis like a baby koala bcuz I think I am TOO talented for my own good . Hence why creativity hangs around egotism.

Mercs likes to run to Madds or Maven bcuz my delusions, obviously, make me violent & afraid & i am actually pretty apathetic & chill in regards to my hallucinations. ALSO NOT MENTIONED IN THE STORIES, Mercs also hangs around Memphis since I have delusions abt being the most popular person on the planet & being better than everyone else & ETC.

*ALL my sides have CFS/ME. They ALL are autistic, have ADHD, schizophrenia, POTS, & all my other disabilities & neurodivergencies. It doesn't make sense to me (+ makes me a little uncomfortable) to have a single side represent my disabilities/NDs. My disabilities are not One Part Of Me, they are All Of Me.

In regards to Mercury/Paranoia, all my sides experience delusions & hallucinations, Mercs just experiences Most of it. Xe also represents more than just paranoia. In regards to Maven/Fatigue, all my sides are physically disabled and have CFS/ME & POTS, Maven just experiences the most of it & represents more than just fatigue.