#im so worried guys i cant keep going like this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tame-the-lion-writes · 3 days

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dosg shifter 141 im in love queen <3, i cant wait to hear your thoughts on like if any of the guys are actually falling for reader??? like obviously if they were, you cant tell cause it just looks like your dog is showing it's usual affection towards ya yk....rightttt?

(This is probably a little more of a serious drabble than you expected wHOOps-- but 'twas needed anyhow)

For the first few days/weeks/however long, it’s very much a denial phase for the boys. They see reader as pack, but they can’t exactly explain why or how. To them, at the very least, you're a grounding technique that keeps their shifting from going haywire, or an easy cover that keeps them from being discovered. At most, those are both excuses for them sticking around--you're truly, undoubtedly, a loving protector, provider, and friend. And that's new. That's precious. Because they're so used to being the ones to protect and provide.

Being a soldier means a lot of conditioning, whether through training or trauma. And for them, it means believing in a cause while keeping yourself distant from that cause--because softness and close quarters make for poor decision-making, and there's no way to protect civilians while having the heart of one.

But this--whatever this is--is mutual.

They're forced to slow down, and for once, there's no running into the field, ready to die. There's no shower of bullets or swipe of the knife. They're no longer carrying assault rifles and camouflage; they're walking with you to the park, getting groceries, watching you sing to yourself in the kitchen. No--you're the one protecting them, albeit in less bloody ways. Often so kind and meek, yelling at a grumpy Karen who insults your dogs, or bandaging up cuts and scrapes whenever they get into trouble. Teary-eyed yet scolding. Out of true, genuine worry--and not the stress of a commander who's scared of losing his pawns.

Once that realization hits--that instead of a means to an end, you're truly and wholly a person to them, and that they mean the world to you--that you care so deeply and warmly and completely--it's impossible not to fall. Soon enough, they're nuzzling just a little closer into your embrace when night falls. They're paying extra attention to your likes and dislikes, and stopping themselves short of nosing into your favorite snacks. They're making the first move to hop onto the couch for movie night, instead of you calling beforehand.

In other words, at some point, it was no longer a transaction. It was no longer "I get" and "you receive." It was no longer them doing the bare minimum to guard you and keep you alive--but more. Because now, the reason your scent calls out to them is equally clear: you're not just safety.

You're home.

And now that they've found a home, they'll always come back to you, no matter what.

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capyclub · 8 months

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this week has been so fucking awful I literally cannot catch a break

#my shoulder still hurts after 4 days and yeah it’s definitely better than it was before but i still can’t really tolerate being at my desk w #which is making it difficult to do any work #plus last night i had probably the worst chest pain of my entire life I’ve never woken up from something like this before and i just could #not fall back asleep and i was really hoping it’d be gone by morning but it’s still fucking there!!!#i hope so so badly it’s just heartburn but the way it feels and the location really just does not line up with heartburn and im trying not #to freak out and to just convince myself that it’s anxiety but like. holy fuck it was so bad and idt it makes sense for anxiety related che #chest pain to be waking me up in the middle of the night #i really need to skip school tmrw for my sanity but we’re doing the coolest dissection ever and i don’t want to miss it 😭#ramblings #sigh this semester has just been such a clusterfuck #last block was like this too but at least i had an entire week off in the middle to pull it together #im so worried guys i cant keep going like this #someone tell me im being dramatic and that this isn’t a heart attack #sighhhhhh

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moeblob · 4 months

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Look, I just think it's VERY funny and on brand that I thought of an entire premise of colorful characters for half the cast and immediately drew the only one void of color.

#my characters #i will not bore you all too much in the main post but now its story time in the tags so yeefuckinghaw #noll is a fae and is distinctly the only one that just lacks colors #at first he was like well surely i can wear colorful stuff to make up for my dark hair and eyes !#and then he overhears some of the fae talking about how hes a blemish to the fae and hes like well fuck #guess its time to go all in baby! and decks himself out in all black and jagged clothing #and he tries to play it off as hes an idiot and a lot of the fae actually believe its not ALL an act #like they can tell he thinks about stuff but he normally does it staring into space so they dont care to ask #cause surely it isnt important enough to brood about hes just thinking about stuff #and he really REALLY has a lot of confidence issues and worries that more fae are disturbed by his darkness than let on #but then the other fae that like to hang out with him are like #YOOOOOO THATS OUR LIL VOID! THATS OUR LIL GUY! our lil black spot look at him hes so edgy and cute!#and treat him like a pet cat at times giving him head pats even if he bats their hands away #and the plot premise is that some of the fae are bored and decide they should go play with some humans! give THEM enrichment too!#and noll gets roped into it and The Game is basically go find a human partner and convince them to be an ally #then the fae give the humans cool lil toys (weapons) and are like GO FORTH MY CHAMPION!#so noll keeps like ... not picking anyone to participate because its not just A Game to him #if he can prove victorious in A Game with outside factors such as humans then he can prove hes not #an absolute disappointment to the fae like he has a lot riding on this in his mind #and his friends are just like buddy you cant even play if you dont pick a human you gotta #anyway here is noll and then i have ideas for two other fae and also a veeeery vague idea for two of the humans though not as sure yet #rae if you read all this you should know the cobalt is a fae thanks bye #i am so stressed posting ocs every single time and i am incredibly depressed and anxious #so good lord please let me not just delete all the tags in an hour bc im ashamed

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faunandfloraas · 28 days

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"Seungmin would be SO hot if he got muscle like, can you imagine?" You would be hotter if you shut your mouth but we can't always get what we want so <3

#the amount of times ive seen this exact comment or sentiment over the past 6ish months in particular #truly pissing me off <3 #like first things first- hes already handsome so if you dont see that... its fine. we all have different tastes but also be quiet <3 #but like we know first hand from him that he isnt particularly interested in the gym and working out #hes not a changbin. its not his thing- he goes to keep up stamina for live shows #and the fact hes been very specific in saying so any time anyone mentions him working out and going to the gym is so like......#its kinda obvious that hes doing a polite 'please dont hassle me about getting bigger' so he makes sure to always go Its For Endurance #and yet i still see this and also. um theres other members who are muscley so why does seungmin also have to follow that route?#like if you want muscle theres people you can go look at... but also half these people cant even identify actual healthy muscle #vs. someone being so skinny that they have no fat on them and somehow think thats real muscle so like lol #its been so specifically the past half a year tho like whats that about why #its really one of those be quiet im so tired #well on the otherhand i was so stressed about my doctors appointment but now annoyance took the worries place so 🤷‍♀️#like its funny how X should lose weight comments are recognised for being shitty but the 'x should totally change his physique' is chill tho #like if seungmin organically of his own accord ever becomes a muscle bro bc /he/ wants that than for sure i'll be like Woo go seungmin !!#but only if he wants it. not the fans being annoying not bc of staff or beauty standards not bc of the other guys

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triglycercule · 1 month

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What do you think the types of drunk would the murder trio be? Im pretty sure ask dusttale already answered this question about dust but i have to ask the mtt expert

see now askdusttale DID answer the question. but they didn't ANSWER the question when asked what dust is like drunk. they just said that dust is the type to drink himself blackout drunk. so that mean i have total freedom on deciding what the mtt are like drunk hehehe (rubs hands together in a villanous way that you would imagine nightmare doing or something idk)

i already have an absolutely hilarious idea for horror and it might just because i'm on the guilt section of his character analysis but i could TOTALLY imagine him being an emotional drunk. like he CRIES. horror sans man known for being incredibly guarded and private with what he feels bawling his eye out. he gets mad he gets sad he does not get happy because horror doesn't have the right to be happy. he is too upset over the fact that he fucking DOOMED all of horrortale because of his selfishness and nothing can stop him from being incredibly vocal about that fact so much so that killer had to tape his mouth shut because he wouldn't stop crying so loud. and then he just silently cries until he passes out from exhaustion. the alcohol has an incredibly strong effect on him because i dont think he would drink regularly plus he definitely hasnt drinken anything in those 7 years of starvation. it hits like a fucking plane crashing into him. or like getting his eye taken out again. either one!

another funny idea i had for killer would be like the alcohol affecting him but he SWEARS that he's still sober. he is very confused when he starts stumbling because wtf he doesnt FEEL drunk??? why is he bumping into walls and tables HELP WHY DOES HE SOUND FUCKING STUPID???? the alcohol is definitely effecting him but he swears he swears he doesn't feel drunk. hes not drunk its just the damn body doing this stupid bullshit!!!! he's still very aware of what's going on and is basically the same as sober but just like. he's wiggly he's wobbly and oh shit he just fell head face first into a tv whoops. he'd also have a high tolerance because just because. he can drink without feeling like shit until he just blacks out mid conversation with someone because his body couldn't take the toll of all the beer or whatever. hilarious idea triglycercule thank you triglycercule i know

dust in the context that we already know that he drinks AND he can fight against the human while like partially drunk.... i feel it would be kinda like a giggly drunk situation. except dust doesn't laugh at anything that's funny he only laughs when someone gets hurt or something. SADISTIC giggly drunk. because i can already imagine a half drunk dust laughing his ass off after killing the human and its a beautiful sight to me.

anyways imagine how it goes when you pair this sadistic giggly drunk with another that wont stop going through the 5 stages of grief and another that keeps on fucking falling over for no reason in his eyes. dream blunt rotation but the blunt is a bottle of vodka. i can already imagine it in my head and its fucking HILARIOUS. horror going on about how he caused the deaths of others and manipulated and tricked papyrus while killer is just trying his best to keep his eyes open because for some reason they won't stop trying to close. he is surprisingly getting frustated. dust has long since lost his voice laughing at this and he's just silent wheezing at everything. also phantom papyrus is only making the laughter worse because he keeps on making rude comments towards horror and killer and only he can hear him and its guffaw inducing. mtt amazing friend group you dont get shit like this anywhere else

#killer's breakdancing and he swears this isnt on purpose guys #GUYS GUYS ITS NOT ME THE BODY IS DRUNK OKAY WHY CANT I STOP WHEN DID I LEARN HOW TO DO THIS #horror has SO much to be guilty over its not even funny. ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY #nobody talks about this but this man is GUILTSTRIFEN. he is literally filled with so much guilt its not even funny #dust and killer have the genocides they did. ok. sure. that's it????#ugh god i dont wanna ramble in tags again..... im just gonna end up saying it in the analysis anyways but ughhhhhhhhhhh #yk what fine i'll rapid fire. trying to keep people from killing themselves. watching his friends die.#knowing that other monsters are getting eaten. worrying papyrus. coming up with a plan he knows wont work and tries make it happen #because that idea of them deconstrucing the core would NOT have worked so he did that out of selfishness #forcing his community to eat humans. tricking papyrus into eating humans. going against all his morals #dare i need say more i swear AND ALL OF THESE ARE SEPERATE THINGS TOO!!!!!!#he single handedly DOOMED horrortale into disarray by destroying the core #the eye idea wouldve worked. it wouldve been the only way monsterkind thrived #and yet he destroyed the core but kept his eye safe. as if one last big fuck you #you can have my eye but you cant have the machine that needs it. good luck bitches #THERE ALREADY WAS FOOD IN SNOWDIN BEFORE HE TOLD THEM TO EAT HUMANS #THERE COULD'VE BEEN ANOTHER WAY TO RATION THE FOOD OR FIND S FOOD SOURCE #BUT HE JUST TOLD TJEM TO EST HUMANS OUT OF SPITE SO UNDYNE WOULDN'T GET THE SOULS #granted it was a solution that worked for the hunger problem BUT HORROR FUCKING HATES IT #HE HATES THE IDEA OF EATING HUMANS HE HATES THE IDEA OF KILLING KIDS #BUT HE STILL DOES IT HE GOES AGAINST ALL HIS MORALS UGHHHHH #horror sans. horror sans my king horror sans my glorious lord and savior #i cannot WAIT to drop that character analysis. it will change lives. and by lives i mean me #i will be a changed man once the horror analysis comes out #anyways WHO IS THIS ANON AGAIN. its a question i always wonder because wtf #you have a daily question for me. this is like a log in event. if i answer all the questions in a row for a week i get a SPECIAL question #but fr thank you so much for your questions i love answering them its so fun to wrack my mind and figure out a way to answer it. brain teas #every time i see the words mtt expert i laugh lowly like an evil villain but i try not let it get to my head #humility is a standard i aim to uphold. one of my character traits. triglycercule character analysis when #tricule asks

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nomairuins · 27 days

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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is

#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And #make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not #saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was #going to say #like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so #bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the #winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000 #other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but #i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its #been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody #responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple #muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it #but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like #im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good #solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start #all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the #punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4 #im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but #even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think #avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is #like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they #hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be #the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO #difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15 #minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case #it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel #stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and #tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i #tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction #like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint

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bangcakes · 9 months

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#well ladies. what does it mean when he tells you he doesnt wanna keep in touch with the others anymore but then joins the server anyway #in which you know that the only person he tolerates (dare i say likes) is you #or maybe i sound insane idk. wish he'd make a Move on me already but then xmas IS v close so i mean #i get it #n also say it goes bad right.... have to see eaxh other at graduation #what im saying is..... if no moves have been made .... gonna ask him out in feb after graduation GZUDDTJITTDTDIZJT #IF i still feel the same and i think he'll say yes. hhhhhh this shid is so hard #im also like ... worried that the guy i made friends with that turned out to be snakey is like.... going to attempt to turn everybody #against me bc like...... one of my friends isnt answering me rn. tho she could be busy... im just Worried #he'll never turn the guy i have a crush on or my other friend against me tho. they dont like/trust him at all XTXIXTDIITDDIT #idk.... guess i'll just wait and see...#i cant stand... dealing with ppl that act like theyre still in hs. like come on ur in your 30s 😭😭😭#n e way... a lil rant LOL #personal

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tommygettingwrittenoff · 1 month

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i need eddie to get another guy friend in season 8, and buck loses his shit about it (again), so he breaks up with t because he's convinced that the weird feeling he gets when he sees them together is because he is Really attracted to the new guy.

#like things with t are fine cuz he likes exploring this new side of himself even if t doesnt always match his energy but whatever its fun #and maybe at work chim is the one who brings up eddies new friend and he is immediately just. what new friend?#chim laughs and says. tbf last time eddie got a new friend you attacked him so you could date his friend. hes probably keeping it to himsel #and bucks like. dude what. that was. yeah it was shitty of me but it was a one time thing. i wont do it again...#and when eddie shows up for shift buck immediately asks about his new friend and eddie tells him about the guy without hesitation #after shift tho buck is like. why didnt you tell me about him? after t i get why you dont want to but im just. you dont have to worry man.#buck. i know. im not worried. anyway he and i are gonna head to a bar to catch the game. you want to come with? you can bring t if hes free #oh. thats. thatd be okay? i dont want to idk ruin the vibe by bringing a date #nah man. itll be fine #and so he and t go to the bar and eddies already inside with the new friend and its Fine. its Great actually because t gets along with eddi #and the new guy and the new guy makes eddie laugh and doesnt miss a beat and knows more about the teams record this season than buck and #buck is doing Fine. this guys smile is big and his eyes are bright and when he laughs he sorta leans into eddies space alittle and its Fine #the night ends and buck and t go back to his apartment and buck cant stop thinking about that guys hand when it clapped down on eddies #shoulder or the look on his face as he teased eddie about the beer he drinks (cuz its kinda bad but only buck can say that) and buck Cant.#he wants that guy. he wants his hands and grin and teasing voice all to himself and not on eddie.#so he breaks up with t and ts confused af cuz i thought things were going good?#yeah. i just. i want to explore my options yk now that ive uh figured out i like men.#and its a clean break. not dramatic or messy. t tells him to call if he every changes his mind. buck wont.#bucks trying to not pry about eddies new friend and he doesnt grill eddie or anyone and just waits and listens to all the new info he gains #and eventually eddie invites him out to watch another game because whatever team they were watching made it to the playoffs #and when he gets there eddies like. no t tonight?#nah we. uh. we broke up.#eddie says sorry man that sucks. and the new guy is like. honestly he didnt even seem that into you which what an idiot. youre great.#and its good because the new guy splits his attention between the two of them now. eddie isnt the only one getting hands and grins and eyes #and the third time theyre at the bar the guy follows him to bathroom and kisses him hard against the door before pulling back with a #panicked sorry and leaving and when buck finds eddie after hes like. what happened? new guy ran out of here without even saying goodbye #he kissed me in the bathroom. i think uh. i think he was kinda freaking out about it and thats why he left.#and eddie just blinks at him before being like. buck. buck you said you werent going to do this again.#i didnt mean to! and buck means it. he just saw the way that guy made eddie laugh and put his hands on eddie and had eddies attention and #oh.

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purpldawne · 2 months

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actually wait that poll unlocked a fuckin memory and i feel like talking about it so‼️

( not tmi or anything but in case this gets long or you don't wanna read it im putting a page break here LMAO )

ok so on my 18th birthday, my grandparents REALLY wanted to go to dinner to celebrate. i didnt really wanna, but i got to dress up so i said fuck it. this was around when debates over trans women in sports were first brought to the mainstream ( as far i know ) right. so we're sitting there in the restaurant, im eating my cake, and my grandfather starts going off about how they're letting men compete against women and how unfair it is and shit. WHILE WE'RE CELEBRATING MY BIRTHDAY. IN FRONT OF ME. THEIR GNC GRANDCHILD. WHO REFERS TO HIMSELF WITH MASCULINE TERMS EVERY TIME YOU SEE HIM. LOUDLY. it's been two years and i STILL can't believe the audacity. like YOU invited ME out to dinner and start talking that shit?? if they weren't family and we weren't in public i would have told em to shut the fuck up

#they STILL talk about this stuff at family gatherings too apparently #i always keep to myself til we leave but my ma has told me they complain about people demanding you use the right pronouns or whatever #and god bless her soul she tried to be like 'actually its not that hard even if you cant tell because you shouldn't assume' and #'if they tell you how to refer to them its just basic human decency to respect that'#no clue how they took it since i wasnt there but they just ended the conversation after that 😭😭#god dont even get me started on my uncle #hes awful and clearly mentally unwell and obviously really old #we have a family friend who had two moms right. they never tried to hide it and didnt really acknowledge it as anything weird. bc it wasnt.#my uncle is the one that introduced us so clearly he knew their mom was gay #and he did #he never said anything about it while we were kids out of fear of making us gay or smth #but at the last family gathering he was updating me on what was going on with them cuz we havent seen em in a while #and he told me that their daughter had apparently gotten a boyfriend #which is great! im really happy for her #but my uncle was like 'yeah i was getting worried because of ( one of her mothers names ) being. . . you know?'#and i was???? flabbergasted?????? esp because of personal things with their parents he was JUST telling me about #this is the same guy who after 20 years STILL cant spell my deadname right. not relevant just still so fucking funny to me #but yeah he laughed when he said it and everything like he was making a funny joke #tbf there is smth so insanely comedic about telling your butch niece you were afraid someone 50 years younger than you liked other women #just because her mom did #crazy shit

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toytulini · 2 months

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reeeeeeally wish. it didnt feel. like the needs of my body vs the needs of my brain were actively in fucking conflict with each other in a way that makes it impossible to function or exist

#toy txt post #chronic pain #just. really frustrated. cant see a way out or through or over or whatever here yall #augh #and dad wants me to. do what i was doing before that made everything worse somehow as a method to get my foot in the door and fucking #network???? to do?????? unclear. until i get what. middle management?#how the fuck would that help anything #meanwhile i am trying to muster the executive function to complete. the catpans #ouaghghahghhgghg #it is so hard to be gentle with myself about this bc it doesnt feel like i deserve gentleness for it! like i have worked so hard to try to #unlearn the ableism and shit but that doesnt really fucking help much if both my parents just keep that shit so deeply baked into their #worldview that they interpret me trying to treat myself a little gentler as being a lazy freeloader or whatever #like im really trying not to be too harsh on myself about this but for what? at least if im mean to me about it i have ground to stand on #in calling their meanness unjust and unnecessary cos dont worry!!!!!!!!! i can reproduce the entire fucking ableism cycle inside my own #head and self flagellate for not being able ti push through it like you guys did so you dont have to! in fact i am so good at it that it #makes it an impossible topic to address! bc i just speedrun everything into thinking of myself as worthless so you dont have to! see im not #a total laze/s #god. i hate this so much so fucking much. aaaaagh. there are a number of things i CAN do and unfortunately none of them seem to be #the necessary administrative faff of it all #oausbdjsfusbfhshhrrrgrhrhgggg #trying to organize notes of talking points to unpack this a little in therapy this week but its only the second appt. so like. she wanted #to go through a bit of a questionnaire? idkkkk

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girlcrushau · 6 months

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#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment #i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating #there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2 #months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it #not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him #in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if #he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone #and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think #there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy #your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly #so last night #i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart #until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent #that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real #did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart #and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about #and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in #which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever #it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the #reason that he went away on me.#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying #not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me #that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs #he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am

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thegreatestheaver · 4 months

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unsure what my spiders' recent obsession with not having water is but im starting to get worried about them

#its becasuse its both of them and not just 1.. hm #im going out of town for a few days and theyll be home alone.. dw they will be ok #i get up to see them everyday ofc but they have big meals. i dont feed em too often really... same goes for my other guys #and like theyre meant to keep in water so theyll be ok but. molly wont get her fat ass out the bowl #and holly DUMPED ???????STCKS AND LEAVES AND DIRT IN HERS ??#ans shes been hiding in the leaves next to it so i cant clean it cos i dont wish to frighten her #holly hasnt had oit in a week prolly and molly uh a few days #hopeful;y b4 tomorrow they MOVE and i can give em oit b4 i leave but auh #i love them but they stress me out sometimes #its not really their fault tho i just worry way too much about them #im sure the ocd plays into it somewhat? idk it makes me get up one million times in the night to double check that the lid is closed #i get weird about them cos....... theyre my baby girls :((#hollowspeak

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chiistarri · 6 months

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imsoo normal about guys byw

#sprry this is the start of my downfall im actually going to theow up and vomit and die #fronting daily actually sucks!and i have no restraint on my curiiusity and i have to figure shit out and i literally want to die #cause like i found out shit i didnt want to and its entirely my fault too bro i cant even be upset cause i went looking for it ughhh #i should be allowed to die afterschool so i dont have to feel anything else tbh thatd be a pleasure great thing whwatever #this is genuinelky the repeat of my downfall again literally september all over again and its just march jesus fucking fhrist bro need todi #the nervous system is so dumb what is ooottfvgvsh or whagevr i hate that dumbass acronym i hate healrhcare #serenity save me 🙏 save me serenity 🙏 come home #everyone keeps sayng that but qith donald trump #anyway back to me i need to scream and not just to serenity cause i feel bad🤭 no emojis are tood enougu anymore bro im going to kms #killing myself so fucking hard like a vampire driving a stake through his heart sort of shit ykwim like a siren drowning ro sokething poeti #save me sid 🙏 sid save me actually hed laugh at me for hthis lowkey which is soo deserved cause real bro why am i breaking down at midnight #on a dchool day too bro again and again i dont want to go to mf schooll and be obsessed w k. hes fine but i genuinely cant do my work #lowkey would iet be weird to talk to my ex ab my relationship with him cause like yea i miss him ykwim and i need closure but i got a crush #cause like on one hand its like i was the one who brokenup ykwim like even if the circumstances werewei4d whatever its like why would i hav #the right to even bring it up and i alr crushed on a new guy and like ignoring the uguult i do like him ughh broni want to kms #i love love i just dont love lvoe for myself cause ugh bro i hare one guy idc ab his crushes but he made me hear ab them lke idc idek him #sorry u had a bad experience w bi girls like idk what u want me to say ??? surprise me too ??? tff ugh i hate love girls #i need a gf but the thoigjt of liking a girl genuinely deeply scares me to my core cause i like girls but ppl dont like that i do ykwim #all mu friends are fucking gay bro idek why im so worried ab liking girls like who is there to disappoint but myself and my entire family #noo pressure qt all being oldest and queerest like ok yeah its midnight happy new years. i need this blanket tobsuffocste me #sleep wrappedup alr like a borito burito i dek and its not enoughh i need a soul crushing embrafe to sleep #ok im done i got post vent clarity i need to sleep #post #erics tag #delete later #serenity needs this as a ref in the morning #i beed my mom to cry to but j cant tell her any of this id rather be eaten alive by bugsbro and if i just cry to her without a reason #shell fs go througj my phone and fimd out why anyway so wjats the pointtt my god i tqlk too much and vent too much #gota flair forbthe dramatics ivguess mb

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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...

#there should be a word for when youre talking around the tightness of tears #speaking against something that hurts #laughing specifically to undermine the seriousness of the statements youre voicing #the worst of both worlds. help me help me hahaha im not even joking hahaha but listen to the lies in my tone. dont focus on the words.#i want plausible deniability. but also i want u to understand my pain and give it a voice. speak it into existence because i cant say it #but if u do i might cry. that sounds hard that sounds like a lot. i kno i know. shut up. keep talking. do u think i dont feel it? i do #but if i split myself in two i can watch myself and suddenly it becomes funny. im not sure why. but i have a bad habbit of laughting at #inappropriate moments. because if its not funny then its just sad and what am i supposed to do with that?#i dunno. thats all to say my dad called bc i was looking at housing stuff and i was explaining some of the stuff im doing rn #and thats hard to talk abt without crying bc ive always been a cry bby but i didnt. and i love my parents theyre great #but they dont understand bc i havent told them all of it bc theres nothing they can do so y make them worry. and idk i also think they #think im less competent than i am. and part of that is just bc im their kid. part of that is bc there r things thst most ppl can do but i #struggle with. but its also not fun to hear: oh yeah i was surprised by how professional u sounded. or i think ur mom found u those #connections. when no. i did that. i made those things happen. i promise i can do things sometimes. but sometimes i cant. i dunno its just #it is what it is. whatever. decisions to b made. do i room with roommates for lower rent #or do i take an expensive place for a year for a single room? i dont want roommates but ill take them #i mean all the single places r like 950 at the very lowest without any utilities or anything but most r well over 1000 and like on a grad #student salary? i think not. not without losing money on net. i can deal with roommates. i have in the past. i wont b able to relax ever #but its fine. ya kno #just annoying. hah my dads sage advice was ah dont let it overwhelm u. go exercise. bc hes an endurance runner guy #and im like bro when i get home i have 1.5 hrs of daylight. but alas hes right. i do gotta run out my angers and its not enough #ugh. one more week. itll work out. and eventually ill walk into a counselors office like bro i just want u to tell me whether or not i have #0cd bc whatever the fuck it is that makes me do these things is absolutely destroying me. name the beast 0cd or 0cpd. tell me what box #i fit into. not that it matters but i feel like i cant complain until someone else rubber stamps me. actually then ill probably just obsess #abt how. actually. theyre wrong. ay fun times #i gotta shake shake shake my sillies out. and wiggle my waggles away. bc i never could let my kids songs go haha #unrelated

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tibialtybalt · 1 year

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4, 10, 26 for art asks!

4. Fav character/subject that's a bitch to draw

You wouldn't be able to tell since I draw them so much as of late but arval........their honeycomb. plate. tabard . Thing. I vacillate wildly between being obsessed with it and loathing it depending on if I'm drawing it or not. Also what is going on on the back of their head? Their hair is so cubey I don't understand... And if it's epi then you've got the wing things which took me ages to figure out how they're shaped for some reason

Their design looks chefs kiss MWAH in game or in finished pieces but oh my goodness please help my doodling, cutting-corners hand

10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw

I'm a huge fan of crinkly clothes, cloth that comes to oddly sharp angles. Like where big poofy sleeves that are cuffed come to an end. Or where pants crinkle, at the knees and ankles. These bad boys

26. What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended

Hmm that's a difficult question because the stuff I draw is 90% of the time so Very straightforward funny fan art...

Oh but one time someone reblogged a MDZS post of mine and said in the tags that they didn't go there but thought it was funny, and the post is. This one. And you need SO MUCH context to get what the joke is like wow that is an entirely different joke.

#tia posts #tysm for the ask :D #...should i try to explain the joke even though its major spoilers and guaranteed to make it less funny #im gonna try. feel free to not read any of this #so that sword can only be drawn by the late enemy of the state wei wuxian (wwx). and ppl have been keeping an eye out for #him resurrecting himself‚ possessing ppl‚ etc. so when mo xuanyu draws the sword everyone goes 'alright wwx we know its you. die again'#and the thing is. theyre RIGHT. that *is* wwx and the sword *can* only be drawn by wwx.#its just that the 2nd guy to draw the sword‚ jiang cheng (jc)‚ is wwx's little brother that he loves SO much #and a long time ago jc lost his magic and was devastated so wwx gave his own magic to jc and told No One About It #not even jc (he said 'look ive found a way to get your magic back!! wdym youre worried im not using my magic anymore? dont worry abt it')#so the sword recognizes jc as wwx. and like. there are some incredibly smart ppl in the room who've figured out that that guy is wwx #AGES go. they *know* thats wwx. and they *know* the sword cant be drawn. so what is going ON #is jc possessed? are there two wwxs? wtf?? the smartest ppl doing their own grand schemes and theyre just dumbfounded. what do you do.#it also ruins both the 'thats wwx!' reveal AND the 'jcs magic was never recovered‚ hes just been going on his brothers sacrifice'#so thats the comic. ig its still funny if you read it like theyre just lying about who can draw the sword and who cant though

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chiisana-lion · 2 years

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hm

#dunno what caused this but ive just been getting really scared and stupidly worried lately #sometimes i think about how i could lose someone at any moment and i might not even know #just stuck there waiting for some kind of answer for someone who wont and cant come back #and it really. terrifies me #my friends are everyhing to me and i just want them all to be okay always #and especially my best friend. if anything were to happen to him i really dont know what i'd do #i tell him and everyone else how much i love them all the time every time i can because what if they were to disappear and leave one day #and we didnt really leave off on a good note #not like i think that might happen anytime soon but just. what if #i love my friends. so much. i cant even put into words how much they mean to me and how theyve helped me get through this hell ive been #going through these past couple of years or so #maybe im annoying and talkative and sensitive and stuff. but the fact thwy still somehow like me the same is really #dunno man in elementary & middle school i lived shamelessly and yet im sure that for every friend i had there was like 5 kids who hated me #and towards high school i essentially was constantly on edge making sure i dont cause trouble for anyone because hey why should i bother #when none of them would really see me for me. just that quiet kid who draws in the corner and doesnt particularly fit in #the novelty of having a new kid transfer in lasted for like a month tops that time when everyone realized i was actually boring as hell #not into celebrities dont listen to mainstream music not interested in guy talk etc etc #i did meet a couple kids with similar interests at some point but im sure they were more casual fans and not absolutely obsessed as i am #and i feel like my sudden energy when talking about it and running my mouth w that topic kinda put them off #so i just. keep everything to myself #so really finding people who actually do like me and enjoy my rambles and i can hwar then ramble in return #and play games or talk abt our silly blorbos with is just. damn this is way more than i deserve isnt it #and i really feel like that could all just. fall apart at some point #and thats the last thing i want #but honestly #i dont mind if they grew to hate me. ill still love them nonetheless. just please dont leave me behind i cant go through that again #might delete this later im just kind of. yeah #sorry to anyone who reads this im kind of going through it

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