#im to late but 9 haha

[gayemoji]

okay listen im aware of what year it is (i swears) and ive managed to avoid caring about taylor swift but i (finally) listened to red (taylors version) and when i finally got to "its supposed to be fun turning 21" .

the seething rage i have. im going to kill every man. ever. holy fuck.

[securemoon]

lil sleepy cry session... <3

[astrxealis]

whenever i see a ff fan who is somewhat close to my age and is into like. vi and x alongside xv ix etc it just makes me happy awhh

[moonkitty]

hi im triple AAA game studio. Welcome to our game gunshitters 7. this is a 70$ USD game that is not finished but you can buy the DLC at launch for 50$USD. also theres a seprate in game currency where you can spend 200$USD to get diamonds to buy cosmetics. look at our roadmap. dont you want to pay 30$ for our first season pass? you will unlock special epic gear that will never ever come back so you can get a nice healthy dose of FOMO. the next season pass is next month and is also 30$. also we are locking 40% of the entire game behind our fun new feature 'present mechanics' so you can gift the rest of the game to yourself for the low low price of 40$ and you also get an epic gun skin if you pay for the GOLD season pass for 60$. also you know how the game was unfinished at launch? oh haha were sorry about that. were releasing it now but you need to pay 20$ for it. fuck you. fuck you. fuck you.

guy in a duplex living off of nothing but bread with a computer from 2009: hi everyone im so sorry im late to announce this but my game honeydew mayhem where you can conquer the universe as a bee is gonna release a month late because i still need time to work on making sure that everything works properly and i also need to make sure that the free content updates i will release over time for the next 10 years will be on their way. i need to make sure that you can do absolutely everything you can think of in this game and i still need to polish 20 boss fights and finalize 40 more in-game areas to explore. im sorry you guys will have to wait a bit longer. also my game will be 25$ i hope that isnt too much to ask. if it is i promise it will go on sale soon for 9$. i love all of you and hope you are having a good day

[smoreal]

Attempting to write a character after it’s been literally years is absolute torture bc now i have to give myself a fkn refresher course on the lore

[sweetlady555]

My Personal Solar Return Observations Pt I

I just got into astrology more and I’ve been suupeerrr into solar return observations lately and this is what I have observed from my own chart! My birthday was 2 months ago and the solar return is SOLAR RETURNING .

Moon in 8h in Aquarius SR - TONS of family secrets coming to the surface. Almost concerning? . Im finding out soo much stuff about my parents . My home environment is also changing a lot, my dad used to be home a lot and now my dad has like completely abandoned me lmaooo . such a strange uranus energy since aquarius is ruled by uranus . Ive been feeling more independent lately and sometimes I dissociate and pretend im living in LA in my own studio alone and away from my unstable family 😍….. I have my chart ruler in here too haha (pray for me) 😊 so this year is definitely going to be transforming AF . Im sensing it everything feels too intense lately 👁️ ..

Cancer Rising SR - I’ve been dealing with a lot of family stuff over the years (toxic relationships that r still ongoing lmaoaoa) and im noticing that instead of digging myself deeper or being depressed, i’ve been nurturing myself more and turning my space into a cozy sanctuary and not into some bed rotting mess😹. Ive been improving my current living situation compared to the past so theres definitely nurturing myself more , saying affirmations in the mirror , working on my self care , getting offered help from my step-family.

Sun in 12H in Cancer SR - I got into astrology a lot of spiritual stuff . Also communicating with my spirit guides more often etc .. I definitely do feel more connected to my spirit guides now I feel im being guided and protected a lot this year . everything feels like its just meant to happen and i mean that in the best way . Getting vivid dreams, ive been writing them down more a lot lately and they’ve been giving me insights on my subconscious and even slight deja vu? I remember I dreamt of me and my dad in my aunts car and 2 days later she had called me and gotten upset because my dad took her car and hadnt brought it back after she let him borrow it for a few hours. Even though my sleep schedule is so bad i love dreaming more now because the universe always gifts me with something meaningful and beautiful in my dreams🙏. Also I been listening to music like A Looottttt more lately EVEN WHEN IM ASLEEP😭 im like oohhh whos playing this banger and i wake up and its just music thats been on shuffle for the past 9 hours 💀

Venus 12H in Cancer 10° SR - finding out what i want in relationships , although i do feel like its becoming hard to connect with others in that way ..? does that make sense ? ive been doing lots of self love affirmations that my dreams consist of love and harmonious energies 😹sometimes ill think about love and a boyfriend and really want it but the next day ill be like wow i love myself so much i really cannot see myself with anyone😇.. lots of creative solitude , being more open to recieve love from my family members AFTER REFUSING multiple times ( it makes me icky sometimes still ) learning compassion and forgiveness for others , im a scorpio moon in my natal so ive held grudges since 6th grade i never cared 😭😭😩.. but this venus in 12h is like reversing the effect… 👁️💧

Venus Conjuct Asc in Cancer SR - GLOW UP PLACEMENT 🙏 i was sexy before but its like my sexiness increased by like 10x . People are noticing it too!! i got told “bros evolving” on one of my posts 😭😭 I also feel like im finding my own personal style aswell! . I also see my body changing (in a good way)

Sun conjuct Asc in Cancer SR - confidence on 1000!!! feeling self assured , nobody can really tell me anything bad about me TO ME and think ILL believe it cuz i wont!! i know who i am thankqqq😛

Mercury 1h in Cancer SR - i feel like this placement helped add onto me becoming so self assured in myself and figuring out who i truly am . Ive been studying and researching about myself a lootttt too !! Ive been getting a lot of gut feelings and just proceeding with them and usually i wont and ill just go with logic but idgaf anymore because usually these gut feelings usually lead to something so worth the outcome whether it may look good or bad!

Mars 11h in Taurus 12° SR - I have lots of amazing goals and things im looking forward to for this year!! I feel so eager to just GO FOR IT but taurus is a slow and steady sign so thats just how i been moving lately .. in silence too cuz there be haters all around 🤐

Pluto 7h in Aquarius 1° SR - ive been unfriending a lot of people to make new friendships idk if thats a bad thing but all the past people i feel are secretly plotting against me… most likely that 1° because i heard that could represent enemies? take that with a grain of salt but anyway ive been more clearer about what i want in friendships aswell which is goal oriented people who just want to get rich and make something for themselves!!! Im tired of the self limiting beliefs and the envy!!!

Saturn 9h in Pisces 19° SR - I start my senior year this month and I plan on graduating early , saturn rules discipline and structure but also setbacks . i feel like this school year although i have that vision i feel like im gonna have to put a lot of work this year lmao i hate school so much i was supposed to go to summer school but i ended up not going to get my mind right before the school year started which has really helped tho imo . i wanted to drop out but at the same time my pride is too high and i feel like this is a great opportunity to build discipline, time management and responsibility for the goals that ill have after i graduate. ive already been setting the milestones and all which is the saturn and pisces influence comin thru 🙏

Neptune 9h in Pisces 29° SR - the 29° usually the “fame indicator degree” can also represent a start to completion/ending of something , since i would be focused on graduating early for my senior year i could see this as me graduating early and completing that academic journey and preparing and embracing a new journey . i feel like this would most likely be spiritual because i caaannooottt focus on school and astrology and spirituality all at the same time because 9 times out of 10 my focus is on astrology and spirituality i needa get my priorities straight😭😩😹..

Just wanted to note this but while reading your SR chart its important to look at your South Node aswell because it can show you what lessons and patterns you need to review / past influences & comfort zones . 1h nn = 7h sn , 2h nn = 8h sn , 3h nn = 9h sn , 4h nn = 10h sn , 5h nn = 11h sn , and so on

North Node 10h in Aries&South Node 4h in Libra - The SN 4h Libra and NN 10H Aries could show that I have to balance my growth and comfort and moving towards new opportunities. With South Node in the 4H in Libra, I may find myself relying on familiar comforts from my past . The south node here might show that I might fall back into old family dynamics . my step family is offering for me to move in with them to help me get back up on my feet and this is such a good opportunity but they did this before though last year and I ended up moving back with my neglectful dad and I just fell depressedddddd . ill prolly release my old patterns where I would be moving away from family support because last year my mom offered to help me and support me and i ended up being manipulated and i fell depressed again then went to my step dad for help so i can get ahead and i went back with my dad and got even more depressed lmaoo but ill see how this ends up playing out. With the north node in the 10h in aries , i’ve been really focused on building my own unique self image instead of just catering to what others expected of me . Ill be looking forward to the goals I have planned out while actively working on them . With the influence of Aries too, bold and courageous, I’d most likely be taking risks to pursue my goals and stepping out my comfort zone. Probably by being SO FED UP with my controlling dad that I just take that leap 💯

this is my first observation post i was gonna go to sleep but i was dedicated to finish this tonight, i hope this was insightful to many of you and may this year bring all of us sweet blessings ⭐️

[g4yforethan]

anything

pairing: mike schmidt x male!reader

summary: reader ends up working the late shift with mike and catch feelings for each other

warnings: cursing, top!mike, bottom!reader

a/n: i honestly loved the fnaf movie and josh hutcherson is sooo cuteee istg

“do you want the job or not?” your employer asked you as you sat in his office. this job was your only hope since you had some troubles with your previous jobs and getting fired from every single one for always showing up late. "i mean what do i even have to do?" you were confused. he was offering you a job at an abandoned pizzeria and when you looked it up, it looked like an evil chuck e cheese. he explained the job and you decided to take it. "would i be working by myself?" you asked him. "no no of course not. you're gonna have a buddy to work with. name is mike schmidt. ran into a little trouble but seems like a nice guy." you agreed and got ready for the job.

you arrived at the pizzeria at around 9 pm and saw another car parked and went inside. as you went inside, you saw the whole place truly was abandoned as all the lights were off and the main stage that featured the animatronics was filled with dust and spider-webs. when you went into the security room, you heard a scream as you went in. "AHH JESUS CHRIST." "oh my god i'm so sorry. i guess they didn't tell you you were gonna have a partner huh?" the look on his face said that he didn't know. the both of you laughed it off and started to get to know each other.

“haha so you’ve been seeing anyone lately?” mike asked you. you were taken back by what he said but answered his question. “uhh no i haven’t found the time to do any of that you know.” he nodded his head and started to get closer to you. “well i think a guy as cute as you should already have a boyfriend.” you blushed and turned away so he wouldn’t see but he grabbed your face and looked straight into your eyes. “i’m being serious.” he said to you as you both kept eye contact with each other. he licked his lips and went in for a kiss on your lips.

the two of you began smothering each other with kisses as he grabbed ahold of your face and you grabbed his back. he moaned as you bit on his lip."i'm sorry." you said as you paused to look at him. "don't. i liked it." you smiled and continued kissing each other as he placed you on his desk and removed all the papers that were on it and laid you on your back. he started to take his shirt off as did you and proceeded to give you several hickies on your neck and chest. you moaned as he started playing with your nipples and rubbed them to elevate you. "i wanna fuck you so bad right now." "then do it already." you told him as he quickly understood you and unzipped his pants and you did as well.

he pulled out his long, thick cock and quickly inserted it into your mouth. you began sucking on his dick for a few minutes as he grabbed your hair and shoved it down your throat. you continued sucking before he pulled out. "fuck i was gonna cum. turn around baby boy." you did as he said and turned around and positioned yourself with your ass facing towards him. he started going down and licking your hole and leaving marks on your ass. your moans seemed to turn him on even more as he started digging his fingers inside your hole. you begged him to fuck you already and he listened.

he went in slowly scratching your back and leaving marks all over. he went at an angle that had you hooked and he knew this. he started going at a medium pace, this time grabbing ahold of your waist. he went even deeper digging into your hole as your moans filled the room. he started going even faster and started pulling your hair back with his hands making sure you wouldn’t pull out. “fuck. fuck im gonna cum.” he came inside of you filling your hole with his warm, thick cum. afterwards, the both of you put back your clothes on and laid next to each other on the ground. “you know we should get back to work in case anything goes wrong.” you tell him as mike slowly starts to doze off. “mhm after a quick nap.” he pulls you in and gives you a kiss on your lips and neck before the both of you fall asleep.

[ghostieyanyan]

One are you okay with writing NSFW and to please I beg of you more demon riddle I'd love him there is not enough content of him I love my sassy little gay man who would probably step on me if I stepped out of line

(can I be ♦️annon?)

~What's that little mouse?~

Yan!Demon!Riddle x mc

Warnings: yandere, demon, kidnapped/imprisoned, implied punishment

Yes you can be ♦️annon!!

And about the NSFW Writing, if I were to write it out, idk if I should do it on patreon (because patreon was a way for me to not get those "im underage and-" comments). i think what I'll do is post suggestive content (stories/writing) and you could get the full in patreon.

But im also worried on how to write them~~ (in, out, in, out) i'll try tho!!

Also im so happy how this came out!!! the drawing mainly lol

~~~

You were laying in Riddle's bed, staring at the ceiling. That's all you could really do...

Riddle was off for one of his house warden meetings and wouldn't be back for some time... you could try to escape...? But you knew it'll leave you more empty then if you just stayed.

You were stuck in Riddle's kingdom... if you even peeked outside, Riddle had order his card knights and report anything and everything they see you doing. Riddle will discipline you for just "looking at the roses on the top floor."

"You could have waited for me, I'd walk you there myself. You have to understand how dangerous it is for you out there... "

You turned to get in a comfier spot. Riddle did bring you thinks to do.. but could you imagine what he thinks are "fun things to do" in this room? He mainly just gave you school textbooks or books for academics...

"Thanks Riddle's mom... You've created a monster..."

"Haha!! just you wait to see her in person, she's much worst."

You didn't have to look at who it was. like clock work, Trey came in with your lunch. Riddle had you on a strict schedule and he order everyone in Heartslaybul to follow them.

~ you have an hour of walking around the garden while being guarded by 10 card soldiers.

~ you must have tea time at 4

~ you must wake up at 7 and sleep at 9

just to name a few..

you heard the clicks of the dishes that Trey has made for you..

"Please come to the table, Riddle will not be happy if he finds a crumb in your bed, heh."

"im not hungry..."

Trey sighs and walked to the bed . he sat down and started to rub your back.

"come on~ you know you'll get in trouble if you dont eat. I'll have to tell Riddle~"

you felt you blood boil. the worst part of trey taking care of you is that he knows how to handle little kids. So sometimes when Trey knows that you want to break a rule. he'll taunt you like your a kid..

You hear Trey sigh and stand up.

"I give the you the time for me to put everything back onto the tray and walk out that door. and when i do walk out that door, you'll not have lunch and i'll have to tell Riddle."

you didn't respond and watched as trey walked away. slowly placing each dish, back onto the trap, and heading to they door. he looked back at you, to give you another chance...

you just huffed and turned the other way.

you didnt even realized that you were holding your breathe until you heard the door click close and you let out a sigh..

you were in for it now...

~

It was late, Riddle should have been back now…

You felt the uneasiness in your stomach… You just wanted all of this to end. To be back where you were, without Riddle.

You were about to fall asleep but you were interrupted by a door slamming open. You jumped from where you were on the bed and looked at the door.

There was Riddle, a very unhappy Riddle.

~~~

~~~

[jesi555]

𝐖𝐄𝐓 𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌𝐒. | © jesi555 — kinktober 2023

𝐏𝐀𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐙𝐙𝐈. | nami

warnings. | wlw sex yessir, fem reader, recording, twt vids [im compensating for the fact that im shit at writing smut], camgirl, hints at vivi x nami, cunnilingus, scissoring, making out yum. im not super proud of this :( lmk if i miss anything.

tags : @aizensgf, @wolflover384, @bun-parade, @3v37773, @guccilaw, @immindingmyown @ruledbyproblematique

Nami loves her followers. After all, they rain money on her. Her tip menu is pricey, but her followers were down bad and As her no 1 fan, so were you. Sometimes Nami thought you were some pervy old man based on your tip, But money is money, and Nami loves money.

Nami felt generous recently, so she announced a competition. 131: one lucky winner, three entries max, one video of both of us, Her community post read. It was a tempting risk, so you mindlessly entered the competition.

At around 9:30 on a Thursday night, you silently studied at your university's library, a few other students doing the same. You were in the zone until a silent vibrating buzz broke your focus. Irritated, you checked your notifications, your eyes bulging out as you saw the email from @namimi. A soft squeal left your lips as you read over the contents of the email.

Congratulations ___! You have won the 131 competition. Your proof of winning is in this email. Please take a screenshot of this email along with the attached verification number and send it to me on Instagram as soon as possible! love, Nami!

You leaned back in your chair, your chest heaving. After a silent scream, you hurriedly headed back to your dorm. After screaming into your pillow and thoroughly contemplating the reward, you finally texted Nami.

___: hii! I received an email saying I won the 131 competition! here’s a screenshot!

You awaited her response for a few minutes, but as it turned into an hour and another, you slowly lost hope. You honestly felt disappointed. Your fave just flaked out on you!

Before you could wallow in sadness anymore, a buzz got you running towards the device.

namimi: omg hi! I'm so sry for the late response! I was getting my hair done. I see you're the lucky winner!

Before you could reply, a small notification popped up, '@namimi followed you'. You quickly accepted the request and waited.

namimi: hold on, you're a girl?! thank god. I was not looking forward to having sex with a middle-aged Discord mod.

you laughed and messaged her back,

___: haha no I'm very much a girl. so do you need any information from me?

namimi: just general stuff, I'd prefer it to be face-to-face though, is that okay with you?

___: Absolutely!

namimi: cool! I'll text you the location soon!

You bit your lip nervously. Nami was coming to meet you. The Nami. Your leg bounced up and down, waiting for her arrival. A few minutes pass as you see a head of orange hair enter the cafe. She looked around for a second before she saw your smiley face.

"Damn, you're even hotter in person." she chuckled, "do you wanna make the video today? I'm free tonight. You look good as it is."

Your mouth slightly fell open as a small 'huh' voice out of your throat. "I mean Yes!" you quickly said.

"Awesome, let's go back to my place then."

Her home was nice. It smelt like tangerines.

"You're okay being recorded right?" she asked. Nodding in agreement, you looked over her room.

"Alright, the camera's set up. do you want a dom or sub role?"

"girl do anything to me," you spoke without thinking, processing what you said. she laughed out and asked you if you were ready.

"yes"

"good. then strip"

A new notification spelled out 'namimi is live', and soon hundreds and thousands of followers joined the livestream. To many of them, the stream was pure heaven. 2 hot girls making the fuck out? Yes, please!

namiismymommy sent 10$: holy fuck namisslut sent 2$: wait is that @princessvivi? ilovevivi sent 4$: Nah bro that's the lucky winner namisslut sent 5$: I'm so jealous

"Are you reading the comments?" Nami whispered in your ear, both of you, skin to skin.

namiismymommy sent 20$: eat her out.

"My lovely followers are asking us a favor" she moaned, "let's give them what they want baby."

You dropped down in front of her cunt, giving her lips soft kitten licks until she pushed you into her pussy. Nami getting eaten out by an equally hotter chick was a God-sent gift.

This was probably Nami's best video yet. Not to mention, the scissoring was a highlight.

As the live stream ended, the two girls looked at the comment section.

ilovevivi sent 50$: Vivi, Nami and lucky winner threesome when?

It seems like you'll frequent her channel soon.

꩜ 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐣𝐞𝐬𝐢𝟓𝟓𝟓 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐫. 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐮 𝐬𝐨 𝐬𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠!! 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 !!

[huellitaa]

bee's record player: march edition. 🎀𓂃 ࣪˖

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 !! notice !! ♡

surpriseee <3 wanted to try and add a little of my personal influence to my girlblog since music is literally my entire life & thought it might be funny to show u all what makes up the chaotic glittery mess that is my brain (and because there are almost 1000 of you beautiful people following me whatt?? thank you😭). i've allllways wanted to do smth like this too so, here u go !! 🩷💗

(+ this is a way for me to rant about my interests without being annoying to my friends / moots 😭. to anybody who has listened to me rant or cry or scream or whatever over music ily guys mwa)

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 NEW ARRIVALS

goddess, laufey

♡ released march 6th, 2024

♡ single

♡ running time: 4 minutes 28 seconds

eternal sunshine, ariana grande

♡ released march 8th, 2024

♡ full album / LP

♡ best songs: supernatural, the boy is mine, we can't be friends (wait for your love), intro (end of the world)

♡ running time: 35 minutes 33 seconds

unheard, hozier

♡ released march 22nd, 2024

♡ extended play / EP

♡ best songs: too sweet (i adore this song.)

♡ running time: 13 minutes 59 seconds

super real me, illit

♡ released march 25th, 2024

♡ extended play / EP, debut! ♡

♡ best songs: magnetic, midnight fiction

♡ running time: 9 minutes 36 seconds

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 BEE'S TRACKS: TOP 10

♡ 10. my world, illit

girly girl song!! i've been obsessed with illit's whole super real me album, their debut is soo good oh my gosh. its criminally short but i seem to have listened to it a lot !! 😭

♡ 9. we can't be friends (wait for your love), ariana grande

i have SO MUCH to say about this song but it resonates with me so much in so many different ways and i just. oh my god. ariana i love u so much

♡ 8. we got so much, le sserafim

k so i initially didn't really like this song but... it's grown on me. a lot. since it first came out. um. it's pretty simple honestly and it's just really girly girl it makes me feel like a school girl i love it

♡ 7. this is what makes us girls, lana del rey

girlblogger anthem!! okay confession i did not get into this song until LAST MONTH. i know. it's terrible and i am ashamed i am so sorry. but i have formed such a strong emotional attachment to this song its crazy i adore it

♡ 6. imperfect for you, ariana grande

exposing myself pt.3 i was in a really big depressive slump for like one half or more of this month actually and this song helped me so much i can't 😭 i love you ari

♡ 5. the boy is mine, ariana grande

(are you noticing a pattern here yet) um another ariana grande song no lol um idk what ur talking about haha 🥰 this song is so twerkable im sorry i wasnt a fan at first but im obsessed i need to stop

♡ 4. smart, le sserafim

no words. once again wasn't a huge fan originally but oh my god im obsessed w it now. afrobeat type of songs are, will, and always be top tier and i will die on this hill. (i've been SO OBSESSED with le sserafim lately but i think thats fairly obvious here😭)

♡ 3. eternal sunshine, ariana grande

i adore this song oh my god. its become one of my favs of all time since it came out. this was on loop for HOURS when i first heard it and its such a comfort song for me. it shows her growth so beautifully and there's so much about it i just absolutely adore like i could write a whole essay on this song and still wouldnt be able to express how much i love it

♡ 2. magnetic, illit

illit was bound to pop up here again this month tbh ok so me and my bsf were listening to this on loop the entire time at school a little after it came out like we were sitting in the front row of our class and were still watching the magnetic mv under the desk on her phone. so in love with this song it makes me so happy n feel so cute i ahh <3

♡ 1. supernatural, ariana grande

SUPERNATURAL IS THE SONG EVER. first day it came out i listened to the album and this was on loop constantly for the next week or more. it's made it up to my top 10 fav songs of all time ever and i listen to A LOT of music. this song is my life<333

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 ALBUMS

♡ 1. eternal sunshine, ariana grande

fairly self explanatory. i love u ari. there was soo much ari this month bc ive been a diehard ari stan since i was 8 and have never looked back. since yes and released in january i have been ecstatic about ag7 releasing in march after 4 YEARS of no ari so this was MONUMENTAL for me 😭😭 THE DROUGHT IS OVER ARIANATORS RISE 🩷🩷🩷

♡ 2. super real me, illit

so basically the day this album came out my best friend was spamming me about them and i only listened to them like 2 days after cuz she was annoying me about it and OH MY GOD. i listened to them and then proceeded to loop the whole album for the next 72 hours 💗 and for a debut as well is amazing ily illit girlies

♡ 3. with you-th, twice

so i wasn't much of a fan at first bc they just sounded really similar and bland to me but its grown on me a lot since it came out and i've been listening to it so much throughout the entirety of march. its just so oddly comforting in a way and feels like a hug in music form (+ rush and bloom are the best songs argue with the wall)

♡ 4. easy, le sserafim

self explanatory. i'm obsessed with le sserafim at the moment and this album is everything to me. ass shaking album 10/10

♡ 5. k-12, melanie martinez

i have been revisiting one of my fav albums of all time this month and its as amazing as always. this has been my favourite album of all time since it came out and i will never ever get over k12 🩷 10000/10!!!! <3

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 ARTISTS

♡ TOMORROW X TOGETHER

♡ TWICE

♡ LANA DEL REY

♡ LE SSERAFIM

♡ ARIANA GRANDE

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 SPECIAL MENTIONS

♡ happy 1 year to portals by melanie martinez! oh my god this album helped me through all of 2023 and i went to see her on tour in london for my birthday last november and it was surreal. she's amazing. i adore her and this album (i have it on vinyl hehe) and love it SOO MUCH 💖

♡ expect ordinary things by ariana grande to be high high on my top 10 next month its been on loop for days now im obsessed

♡ there's going to be a LOT in next month's issue seeing as 2 of my all time favs are coming back next month, so prepare for that! so excited ahh <3 (one has already released at the time of writing this. prepare urselves.)

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 EDITOR'S NOTE

this was SO FUN oh my gosh. i am 100% making this a regular thing~ lmk if it was entertaining, improvements needed, artists / albums you'd like me to keep up with etc, or just general comments, ideas, reviews and so on. thank you so much for reading, this was so fun! look forward to next month 💗🫶💖

lots of love 💘

[crispys-records]

a very normal post abt meifwas

im just airing out my meifwa thoughts and concerns as a certified catboy

for starters all meifwas being japanese isn't something i ever rlly want to subscribe to. all meifwas being some part asian is slightly more plausible, bc there are just so many asians in the world yk. but like japanese? no. there are cats everywhere. it only makes sense there would also be catppl everywhere.

thats why juno is pinoy and puertorican. i was gonna make him chinese and ecuadorian (like i am) but i have way too many chinese-ecuadorian ocs haha.

and im so sad that theres not enough information on meifwas in canon!! like what do we know:

they use magicks

they can turn other ppl into meifwas temporarily with curses and potions

they are like cats

THATS IT??? no cultural specifics, no societal norms and taboos, no mythology or historical understanding, NOTHING. youd THINK for someone who gets turned into a meifwa and/or a cat multiple times throughout mystreet, thered be more importance on this race!! for crying out loud, there are only 4 ish races in this stupid world. catppl. dogppl. regular degular humans. demons. the focus on werewolves is so out of left field to me and i dont get it. seriously, what is this

plus the antagonism and overall weirdness of them is so strange. and its not even well written either. like you can tell not all meifwas are inherently evil. its just that every time they decide to add a meifwa character, theyre either very strange, actively antagonizing aphmau, or just forgettable. i am a meifwa defender and i will not stand for this

ok yeah thats all i got. eventually ill get my thoughts together enough to write my own thoughts and ideas on meifwa culture and biology, but its 9 pm and its too late to put my thinking cap on

[icycoldninja]

heyyy! for the third time, I apologize if my English is bad haha

Today is my birthday <3 I was wondering if you could write something related to that or like a party with V, he's my fav 💞 whether it's something Fluff, NSFW or both haha I really don't have a preference, I'll leave it to your choice if u agree to do it.

ure the best writer and Im your fan, thanks for taking the time to write our requests ✨ have a great day!

Oh don't worry, your English is great! Happy birthday, sorry if I post this a bit too late! Please enjoy!!

A quiet birthday party (V x Reader fluff)

"Happy birthday, Wanderer," V woke you up with a kiss and a smile, a soft chuckle escaping him as he watched you yawn and stretch.

"Thanks, V," You mumbled, turning over and pulling the covers up to your chin. "Now lemme go back to sleep..."

"Very well," The lanky man hovering above you replied, laughingly kissing your cheek and lying back down next to you, draping a thin but heavy arm around your blanketed waist. He watched over you as you slept for another 2 hours, occasionally blipping in and out of sleep himselr, eventually awoking you again with another kiss and an even wider smile.

"Good morning, Wanderer, or should I say good afternoon?"

"Did I sleep that long?" You grumbled, rolling over to glance at your alarm clock.

"Nearly. It's 9:00."

"Aw damn," You sighed, yawning again and flinging the covers off. "Time to get up, I guess."

"Are you ready for breakfast?" V asked, already limping off towards the kitchen. "I will make you your favorite, if you like."

"Yes, please!" You replied, a wide grin spreading across your face. Though you were tempted to ask since when did V learn to cook, you decided to let it go and get ready to celebrate your special day.

After eating breakfast, which you most certainly enjoyed, you and V withdrew to the living room to relax. While most would be out goofing off with their friends, having a great, big, extravagant party, you liked to keep things simple; you only wanted to spend your birthday with V.

The two of you were sitting on opposite ends of the couch, books in hand, quietly reading for some time, not a word was exchanged between the two of you for several hours. While this seemed cold, it really wasn't; you two were capapble of just enjoyng each other's company without talking.

Before you knew it, the afternoon had flown by, and now it was time for dinner. Being the loving gentleman he was, V suggested taking you out to dinner at your favorite restaurant, which you readily accepted. At the bustling restaurant, while waiting for your food to arrive, V decided to give you the present he'd gotten for you, all wrapped up in a cute pink box with a glittery bow.

"For you," He said, presenting it to you. "Happy birthday." You took the box from his hands with a wide smile, wasting no time in unwrapping and opening it. Inside was an elegant gold necklace with a silver heart charm set with small diamonds.

"Oh my God, V," You squealed, getting up and rushing over to the other side of the table to hug him. "I love it! It's so pretty! Thank you so, so, so, so, so much!"

"I'm glad," V laughed, pressing a soft kiss to your lips as soon as you were done jumping up and down and giggling with excitement. At that moment, the waiter came out with your food, prompting the two of you to stop what you were doing, return to your seats, and after thanking the waiter, eat your meals. Once you were done with dinner, you two went home, where V revealed he had Nero and Dante help him bake ane decorate a cake for you. For whatever reason, they decided that the best cake for you was a ridiculously large one with 3 inches of frosting, several large, extremely sugary fondant unicorns, with the words "Happy Birthday" written in what seemed to be strawberry jam that someone had tried to dye purple with food coloring, but failed to mix it properly.

Despite its flaws, it was a beautiful and delicious cake that you enjoyed, mostly because V had poured his heart and soul into making it for you. Though others would say your quite little birthday party had been a bore or a bust, you thought that it could be counted as the best birthday you'd ever had.

[mybiasisexo]

Entangled - Part 9

Pairing: Chanyeol x f.Reader Chapter Warnings: Alcohol Consumption | Language take a shot whenever you see the f word smh Word Count: 8.3k Author Notes: So...Im sorry 😬? But aye, what's a story without a beach chapter, am I right?? I can't believe how close we are to the finish line. I think we have 3 chapters left ??? give or take. wooow will I actually finish a story for the first time in my life?? (like a real one not just a lil scenario haha). Sorry for the late update, I was gonna post on yeols bday but thought this wasnt a great present lmfaooo As always, dont be shy with letting me know your thoughts on the chapter, a def will need to know how you all feel at the end of this one 😮‍💨. Thank you to everybody still rocking with the story, it means sooo much to me 💕 and give our boy chanyeol some loooove MWAH!!!

It doesn’t take Seulgi and you long to change and head down to the beach. Being able to see the guys from up in your room, you join them quickly.

They got their hands on a grill somehow, and you find Jongdae already cooking on it, beer in one hand.

“Already looking like a dad, Dae,” Seulgi announces in greeting, taking in his unbuttoned green Hawaiian shirt, oversized sunglasses, and fisherman’s hat. He grins brightly and rewards her with a fresh piece of juicy meat.   

Beside Jongdae and the grill sits a long table covered with food, drinks, and a bluetooth speaker currently playing chill R&B. A little further behind him is a blue canopy to block the blazing sun from your sensitive skin, chairs littered underneath it.

This area of the beach is privately owned, for hotel residents only. Despite how large the hotel is, only a few other families dot the shore, all far enough away that your little party is practically secluded.

You drop your bag onto a chair and dig into it, pulling out a bottle of sunscreen. You rub it into any skin of yours exposed before walking out of the canopy, holding it up for everyone to see. “Who needs some?”

Sehun and Jongin come running towards you, both only wearing swim trunks. You suck your teeth, their backs are probably already screaming at them.

Jongin gets to you first. You turn him around and begin to apply the protective lotion onto his back, where it will be hard for him to reach.

“We missed you last night,” he says.

“I know,” you reply. For some reason, your throat constricts, dragging your voice down to a deep mumble. “I’m sorry for leaving. I just….”

“I understand,” he says, patting one of your hands. Throwing his head back, he tosses you a sweet grin. You return his smile before handing him the bottle so that he can cover the rest of himself.

With Jongin preoccupied, Sehun makes his way over, already trying to get a read on you. He understands the language of your body enough to fill in blanks you don’t even know are empty.

“Good afternoon,” you greet, keeping your voice neutral. 

“He’s in the water,” is his reply.

“Who?” Damn this man. He’s good.

He scoffs. “Please, you’ve been scanning the area non stop since you’ve arrived. Baekhyun had to drag him out as soon as he got here. He was getting pretty worked up about something. I’m assuming it was the fact you weren’t here.”

“Weird,” is your convincing response. You push his arm, leading him to turn around so that you can attempt to save him from skin cancer.

“Weird, indeed.” Despite not being able to see you, his curious gaze can still be felt. “Makes me wonder what happened after you left the reception.”

“Not something I really want to talk about.” You wince, knowing you’ve slipped up and said too much. The simple sentence bares a lot to unpack, and Sehun loves other people’s dirty laundry.

But, in Sehun fashion, he doesn’t push. It’s one thing you love about him. Instead, he faces you and grabs the sunscreen, silently lotioning the rest of his body. When he’s done he reaches over to you, pulling at the black kimono you had meticulously put on over your swimsuit, to return the favor.

“Sehun!”

He yanks the thin fabric and it falls off your shoulders. You both freeze. He only lifts an eyebrow as his eyes rake down the expansion of your exposed skin littered in harsh dark bruises. His gaze lingers for an uncomfortably long time. You want to pull away, but find yourself paralyzed, a mouse caught in the stare of a hungry snake. 

“Stop staring.”

The voice is gruff. A wet hand pulls at your arm, ripping the kimono from Sehun’s frozen hand. You stumble backwards until you hit a chill wetness that makes you hiss as it soaks into your back. Sehun’s eyes are the only thing to move as they shift to the person protectively hovering behind you. His expression is cool, but you catch the way his eyes alight in amusement. Swallowing thickly, you work the courage to see who’s caught his attention….

Chanyeol stops glaring at Sehun long enough to spin you around so that you’re facing each other. With gentle fingers, he fixes your pullover, maneuvering it so that it’s covering your neck, hiding most of the damage. 

He clicks his tongue in dismay. “This won’t do.”

“I have a shirt,” you inform in a small voice. “It doesn’t have a collar though.”

“One second.” Chanyeol walks away, no longer blocking the radiant view of crashing teal waves, powdery sand, and miles of blue sky. White clouds speckle the troposphere, the negative image of your neck and chest. Off to your right, Sehun still stands, a glorious statue made of pale marble.

You can’t bring yourself to acknowledge his presence. 

Chanyeol returns. In his hands is the ugly Hawaiian shirt Jongdae was wearing.

You become aware of the rashguard covering his torso. The collar is high, covering the base of his neck where any hickeys can be hidden, although you can just barely see the start of one peeking out. You curse yourself for not thinking of buying one. 

“May I?” He gently asks. Is that not how he asked to strip you last night? The reminder takes your voice, as does the reserved look in his eyes. He’s testing the water, trying to see where you both stand at the moment. You nod, allowing him access to touch you, lost in his grim expression.

Gently, ever so gently, his fingers brush over your shoulders, sneaking under the thin garment. You battle a shiver as he lifts the back of his hands, knocking the fabric off with his knuckles. You roll back your shoulders, helping him make the cover cascade onto the sand below.

Chanyeol’s bright eyes wander over your flesh. He grunts in satisfaction at the sight of the marks he’s made, pride coloring his features. And you’re transfixed, gulping back saliva flooding your mouth like high tide. Your breathing grows erratic, fingers itching to touch him in return. Apparently that tension hasn’t fully gone away. Looks like you’ll be attracted to him for life.

You want to say something, want to voice an excuse to get your hands on him, but a sharp whistle cuts through the air before you can speak, breaking the spell Chanyeol has you falling under. You blink away your thirst, remembering where you are, of the audience you have.

“Looks like you got into some fun last night!” Jongdae, the culprit of the whistle, points out in a yell. 

You’re now hyper aware of all your friends. Baekhyun, who you’re just now noticing, sits in the shallow part of the water where the waves roughly push him, dressed identically to Chanyeol. He’s looking in your general direction, squinting against the sun to see what all the commotion is about. Seulgi stands beside Jongdae. She’s in the middle of applying sunscreen, one of her legs lifted like a flamingo. She doesn’t have to say anything for you to hear her ‘oh shit’, wobbling as she balances on that one leg. Sehun is still staring right next to you, but the whistle was able to jolt him back from stone. Then there is Jongin, who jogs back to where everyone is congregated to curiously see what is going on.

Being the only one moving, your head spins over to him, seeing how his mouth slacks and his eyes widen in shock.

“What happened?” He asks, concerned.

Embarrassed, you snatch the shirt out of Chanyeol’s grip, rushing to put it on so that everyone will stop staring at you like you just told them you murdered someone.

“Mind your business,” you snap. You regret it instantly when Jongin’s face falls like a kicked puppy. It can’t be helped, you have a tendency to lash out when embarrassed.

“Dae! The meat!””

Gratefully, a hard gust of wind blows in, lifting the aluminum foil with the cooking meat off the grill, falling onto the sand.

That distracts everyone from you. You thank a higher power.

Jongdae stares forlornly at the meat, watching sand coat it like seasoning. 

“What are you doing!” Baekhyun yelps, rushing to his feet. “Pick it up!”

That pulls Jongdae out of whatever trance he was in and he lurches forward, grabbing the hot foil and tossing it onto the end of the table. He hisses and shakes his hands, sticking a reddening thumb into his mouth.

Baekhyun rushes over to the table for quality control and his shoulders slump at the damage.

“This batch is no good.”

“Way to go, Jongdae,” Chanyeol chides. He then peeks over to you, surreptitiously checking your reaction.

“Shut it!” Jongdae snaps back.

Seeing a good opportunity to escape, you go to make your way over to Seulgi. Chanyeol is not having that, and you only get one step in before he’s snatching your wrist, holding you in place in front of him.

“Don’t go,” he begs under his breath.

You refuse to look up at him, knowing that whatever expression he currently wears will kill what little resolve you have. You know you need to discuss what happened the night before, and why he woke up alone this morning, but you hate confrontation and don't want to have this conversation right at this moment. To be honest, you just want to relax for a bit. Is that so wrong?

You remain silent, not really sure what to say to get him off your back for the time being.

“Just talk to me,” he urges. “You were gone when I woke up, and….”

He falls silent, and you can’t resist the temptation any longer. You break and lift your chin, sucking in a breath at what greets you. It’s that same tortured expression from yesterday. Nerves, apprehension, and defeat swim in his opaque orbs, purple his lips. And you know you can no longer prolong with conversation. He’s hurting. You’re hurting him, and it’s not fair to keep tormenting him like this.

“Did I do something wrong?” He asks dejectedly, intently searching you for the answer. 

You open your mouth to answer him. To tell him no, he did nothing wrong, but then Seulgi is calling your name and running up to you. She grabs the arm Chanyeol isn’t holding. “Let’s get in the water. It’s hot.”

She completely ignores Chanyeol as she heads for the shore, dragging you with her.

“I’m sorry,” is all you’re able to get out before you’re pulled completely from his gentle touch. He releases your wrist without a fight, letting you retreat glumly.

“I’m going to have to talk to him eventually,” you tell Seulgi, rolling your eyes. You hit the water and hiss from the shock of the freezing temperature.

“You two don’t get much talking done when you’re together,” she answers, breathless from the cold of the water.

Ignoring–and also maybe even embracing–the pain from the waves chilling your warm skin, you both run until you’re thigh deep and then dive right in, swimming deeper into the abyss. 

You float on your back and try to focus on the paradise you’re in, instead of the devastated look in Chanyeol’s eyes. To no avail.

There’s some crashing noises that pull you upright to see Baekhyun running in to join Seulgi and you.

When he’s close, he jumps onto Seulgi, pulling her under water. Not one to miss an opportunity, you hop onto his back. The three of you break the surface, sputtering for air.

You stay secured around Baekhyun as you all catch your breaths. 

“What the hell,” Seulgi coughs, splashing him in the face. He laughs, but chokes on the sea salt, and you squeal when you’re caught in her attack.

Letting go of Baekhyun, you swim back around so that Seulgi and you are turned towards the shore with him facing you both.

“Is he still sulking?” He asks.

You dare a glance over to where Chanyeol is, refusing to acknowledge how quickly you’re able to seek him out. He’s in the chair you had claimed, watching the water with a sullen pout as he rests his chin in his hand.

“Oh yeah,” Seulgi answers. “The clouds around him are turning gray, he’s in such a mood.”

“He wouldn’t be like that if you’d stop avoiding him, you know?”

“I’m not avoiding him,” you say. “We just spoke.”

Baekhyun snorts. “Yeah and I can tell you’re both on the same page. Nice talk.”

He throws you a sarcastic thumbs up, you stick your tongue out at him.

He grows solemn. “Please, say something to him. The poor man is beating himself up right now.”

You sink further into the water, dipping in until your mouth is submerged, and run a hand over the tiny waves bobbing you. 

Beside you, Seulgi sighs. “I may have ruined their talk.”

Baekhyun throws his head back and groans. “You’re killing me, Smalls.”

“How was I supposed to know?” She asks. “It looked like they were about to ditch us and fuck again. I’m just trying to help her not make another decision she’s going to instantly regret.”

“Whatever happens between them is their business, Seulgi,” Baekhyun says, sounding uncharacteristically reasonable. “You have to let them work through it their way.”

You wave your hand above your head like a needy sim. “I’m right here, you know?”

Seulgi pouts like a chastised child. “You’re right.”

Both Baekhyun and you spin your heads towards her in surprise.

“Did you just say I’m right?” Baekhyun asks. His shock quickly morphs into cockiness, if the grin splitting his face is any indicator.

She’s now the one to groan. “I will not be repeating myself.”

“I’ll cherish the moment for the rest of my life.” Baekhyun turns to you and his smile softens. “Talk to him soon. He’s getting annoying.”

“I will. I promise.” You assure. “Thank you, Hyunnie, for doing this. I know it isn’t easy for you either, being in the middle like this. I appreciate it.”

He shrugs. “You’re both my friends. I want to see you happy. I just hope you can work it out.”

Jongin and Jongdae come barrelling towards your group. As soon as you see your sweet friend, you can’t help but hold your arms out for him.

“Nini!” You cry. He laughs and falls into your embrace, tackling you back into the depths of the sea. When you both emerge, you apologize for yelling at him.

“You’re forgiven,” he says, never taking anything to heart. “But I was surprised. I didn’t expect to see all your bruises. It looks like you got beat up.”

You whine his name. “You’re making it worse.”

“Hey, they do say that weddings are the best place to pick up chicks,” Jongdae says. “Well, I guess dudes for you. Unless….”

He gives you a wicked smirk and you splash him.

“Anyway, good on you for getting some. You deserve it.”

“Thanks, Jongdae,” you say dryly, rolling your eyes. “Also, my bad on the shirt. I forgot I was wearing it before I got in here.”

He takes notice of his button down floating around you and gasps dramatically. “You better wash it before you give it back. It was expensive.”

You look at him skeptically. “This tourist shirt?”

“Do you really think it’s a good idea to have those two cook the meat?” Baekhyun asks, putting your incoming argument with Jongdae to a halt. All five of you turn to the last people still on dry land. The tall boys stand over the grill, Chanyeol with the tongs in his hand. His eyebrows are scrunched as he listens to Sehun adamantly speaking, nodding and answering occasionally. it’s a deep conversation you don’t want any part of.

Jongdae shrugs. “I need a break. It’s hot.”

You all play in the water for some time. Once hunger becomes too great to ignore, you swim back to the beach. Immediately, you crack open a cold beer, nearly moaning when it hits your belly. Now this is what you need. You’ve been sober far too long.

Jongdae wasn’t lying about the heat. Even under the canopy, you can’t escape the sun’s harsh rays. You succumb to the weather and peel off Jongdae’s now dry shirt, not caring anymore if the other’s see your marks, it’s already old news.

Slowly, you all make your way to the table. it’s out in the open and everyone is a bit hesitant to sit out there, but that’s where the food resides. Both Baekhyun and Chanyeol take off their shirts, overwhelmed by the temperature.

“Holy shit, Yeol,” you hear Jongdae say. “What happened to you?”

Everyone glances over to the tall man and your heart sinks at the sight of his exposed back. It’s hard to miss the rows of scratches you carved down his shoulder blades, red and angry.

At the mention of his name, Chanyeol turns around, revealing his neck, shoulders, and chest that look exactly like yours. Actually, his marks are deeper, darker. You were really letting him have it. In your defense, he did encourage you to do your worst, so it is hard for you to find any sympathy to send to the giant.

A loaded silence fills the area as he locks eyes with you. You sigh. That’s enough of an answer for everyone.

Giving up, you chug your beer empty as the extra heat of everyone’s attention bounces back and forth between you both, connecting the purple and blue dots.

“No way….” Jongin’s fingers trace the trail of his eyes. “Did you two…?”

You close your eyes in dismay. You’re going to hear it now.

“Wait a damn minute!” Jongdae’s loud ass voice echoes over the speaker. “You mean to tell me Chanyeol was the one who left those hickeys on you!?”

He gives you an impressed grin. “You naughty girl.”

You simply sink lower into your chair.

“Are you guys together now?” Jongin asks, bouncing on his toes in giddy excitement.

“I mean….” Chanyeol searches you out in hopes you’ll answer that question for him as well.

The attention has you awkwardly laughing, readjusting yourself so that you’re sitting properly again. 

“Please, you guys,” you say, laughter coating every consonant. “It’s nothing.”

Chanyeol’s head tilts at that, eyes fluttering in confusion. “What do you mean ‘nothing’?”

Your heart sinks as you realize you’ve made matters much worse. Chanyeol’s getting worked up now, and the last thing you want is to fight in front of everybody.

“I just mean it’s not a big deal.”

If your first sentence was you putting your foot in your mouth, this one is the whole damn leg.

“Not a big deal?” He repeats skeptically. He turns so that he’s properly looking at you, making sure he’s understanding correctly. “You think us having sex is ‘not a big deal’?”

“Okay,” Jongdae drawls. “Not together then.”

“That’s not what I meant,” you begin to explain, really wishing this conversation wasn’t happening like this. “It was a big deal to me, okay? But they shouldn’t expect more because of it.”

“Like us getting back together?” He continues to question in a monotonous tone. “You’re saying that they shouldn’t get their hopes up about us getting back together just because we had sex.”

“Exactly!” You clap, glad he understands.

“So that wasn’t us getting back together?”

His disappointment is hard to disguise, and it makes you feel bad. Again you’re reminded that if you’d just talked before this wouldn’t be happening. You sigh and prepare yourself to explain where you’re coming from.

“Chanyeol–”

“Meat’s getting cold,” Sehun interrupts, ending the real conversation before it can start. You’re grateful for it, still not mentally prepared to break Chanyeol’s heart any further, although it seems you may be past that point. Chanyeol’s jaw is tense, honestly everything about him is tense as he nods his head like he finally understands something before stomping over to the table, sitting at the end furthest from the canopy. He grabs a beer, cracking it open and guzzling it down rather aggressively. 

Everyone else reluctantly takes Chanyeol’s lead. When Baekhyun passes you, he grimaces, politely letting you know that you messed up. Sehun is the last to walk past. He stops and reaches a hand out for you to grab. You sigh before taking it, allowing him to pull you up.

“The last thing I want right now is a lecture,” you tell him.

“I’m just checking on you,” he assures. “You good?”

You stare at him. ‘Do I look like I’m good’ written all over your face and he grins, gaining the reaction he wanted. It’s gone as quick as it comes, an air of seriousness taking over.

“I thought we talked about this.” He starts. 

You point a finger at him. “Lecture.”

He purses his lips and lets his attention wander to the table. Everyone is trying their best to lighten the mood. You look also and are surprised to see Seulgi attempt to make small talk with Chanyeol, although he doesn’t appear that interested in the conversation.

“Okay, no lecture, but let me say one thing.” You groan. “Don’t leave this island with unfinished business. That’s only going to hurt you both more.”

You’re still taking in the table as he speaks, and Chanyeol must feel it because he’s looking back at you. He holds your stare for a few seconds, then catches himself and breaks the contact. It’s selfish, but you’re comforted by the familiar longing still lingering there.

You nod at Sehun’s words, turning back to him. “Yeah. Got it.”

He doesn’t believe you and his expression says as much.

“Hey! Hurry up and grab a plate!” Jongin orders you both. 

Sehun pats your arm and heads over to the table, you follow a few steps behind. The food is delicious and the alcohol starts flowing. Soon the sun starts its slow descent, and with full bellies, you all relax more. At this moment, you can’t help but to miss Junmyeon. He’s always the one taking pictures, annoying everyone by forcing you all to pose for what feels like hundreds of photos. Sehun, his successor, makes sure to take as many candids and selfies as he can. You find it easy to smile whenever the camera is focused on you, even when Chanyeol is also in the frame.

Speaking of Chanyeol, the beer, good food, and friendship seems to be working in lifting his spirits. His loud voice carries throughout the beach, and you catch his boisterous laugh from time to time. You’re relieved to know that you haven’t completely ruined this trip for him. 

By this point, the sky is a lovely pink and orange, and you’re a bit tipsy. You close your eyes and sway to the beat of whatever song is playing, snapping along. Someone holds your hand, causing your eyes to spring open to see Jongin gently urging you out of your seat. You allow him to drag you into a clear patch of sand near the waves. You start dancing with him, connected hands swinging between you both as you reluctantly laugh. Jongin is your designated dance partner. He’s one of the better dancers of your group, and you’re shy. He got into the habit of getting you out onto the dancefloor to loosen you up in college. Now is no different. You both roll your bodies and sway your hips to the beat, encouraging each other. The longer you dance, the closer you get, until your forehead rests on his collarbone, arms wrap around each other’s waists, and Jongin’s cheek presses atop your head.

“Are you okay?” He softly asks.

His question causes your vision to blur. You stare unseeingly into the now gray sea, waves crashing urgently and tighten your hold around his torso.

“I don’t think so,” you confess. 

“I don’t understand,” he says, sounding both confused and frustrated. “You both love each other, right? Why fight?”

“It’s not that simple, Nini. I wish it was, but….” You shake your head, not really knowing how to finish the sentence.

“Is it because of her?” He presses.

You close your eyes at the reminder of Yerim, another person your actions will hurt, and she’s yet to find out of your betrayal.

“Partially,” you admit.

Jongin rubs your back. “It'll work out. As long as you know what you want.”

You wipe your face and pull back to smile up at him, clipping his chin affectionately.

“Now that we’ve had that talk,” you say. “Let’s dance! We’re on vacation! I need to feel like it!”

He chuckles and spins you around so that your back is pressed against his torso.

“Turn the music up!” He orders. Whoever is in charge of the tunes obliges and you’re pleased when a song you can grind to comes on. You throw your arms up into the air and instantly lose yourself to the music, dancing back on Jongin who matches your moves easily.

Not really paying attention to your surroundings, you fail to notice someone joining your little party, but they make themselves known by gripping your arms, ripping you out of Jongin’s hold.

“What the–”

For the second time today, Chanyeol has pulled you away from someone. His hands are wrapped so tightly around your forearms, you wince from the pain. He doesn’t catch your discomfort, too busy giving Jongin the fiercest stare you’ve ever seen.

“Get the fuck off of her!” He snarls, dragging you even closer to him so that your face is pressed against his naked heaving chest.

You lean back and attempt to stare him down, but all you see is his sharp jaw.

“We’re just dancing,” you explain defensively.

That makes him look down at you, and you nearly gulp from the fury reflecting in his black orbs.

“That’s not how you ‘just dance’ with someone!”

That’s when you notice the way his words slightly blend together, notice how unsteady he is on his feet.

“You’re drunk,” you point out disappointedly. Remembering how good that did you both the last time he was under the influence.

He chuckles darkly at that. “So are you.”

Ugh, you aren’t anywhere near as faded as he currently is. You attempt to free yourself from him, but he’s holding onto you too tightly to break. There is no escape.

“Chanyeol, Bro, I swear that’s all we were doing,” Jongin calmly reassures.

“Don’t call me ‘bro’,” Chanyeol hisses. “You’ve always been like this, Jongin. You were always touching her! Don’t think I never noticed.”

“She’s my friend,” he says slowly, carefully, as if he’s speaking to a child.

“And she was my fiance!” Chanyeol all but roars. “But that never stopped you!”

You glance around. His outburst draws everyone’s attention and they watch the three of you curiously. Baekhyun and Sehun start to get up from their seats, probably intending to de-escalate the situation, but you don’t want to get anybody else involved. This is between Chanyeol and you. What is happening now is the consequence of you stalling the ‘what are we’ conversation you should’ve had the night before.

“Leave him alone, Yeol,” you mutter. “He’s not the one you’re mad at. It’s me.”

He doesn’t even spare you a glance, too focused on the man behind you. “Why won’t he answer me then? I’m right, aren’t I?”

“I promise I–”

Before Jongin can finish defending himself, you cut him off by putting your hands on Chanyeol’s chest, throwing your weight to shove him. In any other circumstance, he wouldn’t have budged, but his inebriation works in your favor, making him stumble a few steps. Unfortunately, he takes you with him, and you fall forward. He lets go of your arms to catch you by the waist, steadying you both.

“You okay?” He asks with worry.

“Yeah,” you huff. You pat his shoulder. “Why don’t we go for a walk?”

There’s a boardwalk a few meters away that looks deserted, that is probably the best place to have this discussion. Not waiting for an answer, you easily break his hold and start walking towards it. Chanyeol says something to Jongin you can’t catch over the sound of the sea, but it sounds smug enough that you sigh deeply in dismay. You’ll apologize to Jongin tomorrow, you promise to yourself.

When you pass the table, you lock eyes with both Baekhyun and Sehun.

“It’s okay,” you assure them, not even sure if you believe it. It’s enough for them, they stand down and nod, trusting you.

The journey is silent. The sun has disappeared completely by the time you’re on the worn wood, enveloping you in an almost foreboding darkness. The crashing of waves are intense beneath you, doing nothing to soothe your nerves. When you reach the end of the walk, you turn around to the man you know was following you the whole time.

He’s on you before you can even speak. His mouth moves roughly against yours, urgent and desperate. His frustration is felt, as is his still present affection. You fall easily into his kiss, giving into him as naturally as you always have. Your hands curl around his neck, pulling him closer. He cups your face, the palms of his hands squishing your cheeks, puckering your lips more for him to devour. He walks you backwards, until your bare back hits the splintered wood of the banister. it digs into your skin, making you whimper, but it’s not enough pain to distract you from the punishing pressure of Chanyeol’s lips.

The groan he lets out in response is tortured, long fingers desperately begin pulling at the band of your swimsuit bottoms, eager to feel all of you again. 

In sync, your mouths fall open, tongues colliding and lewdly twirling together. God. Fuck. You want him. You want him so bad it’s driving you crazy. You’re going to fuck him again. You’re going to fuck him right here on this damn boardwalk, space be damned–

But, that’s exactly the problem, isn’t it?

“Stop,” you gasp between kisses.

He hums before tilting his head to kiss you even deeper. Those wandering hands of his slide down to squeeze your ass. You shutter and press yourself more against him, slipping your arms fully around his neck to drag him lower so that he’s curved over you. A sheen of sweat the only thing between your boiling bodies.

Still, you can’t bring yourself to fall back completely into the make out session. Disappointment floods you. Seulgi is right, the two of you can’t be alone for even a second without falling into this toxic habit.

Now annoyed with how weak you are, you finally muster the strength to shove Chanyeol back, officially breaking the kiss.

With much needed space between you, you feel the fog of lust begin to clear and can think better. Chanyeol doesn’t say anything or make a move to resume what you interrupted. No. He just stands there, watching you with an expression you find hard to read as you both attempt to catch your heaving breaths. 

“What?” He finally asks, voice hoarse and deeper than hell. “You don’t want me anymore, Mel?”

There’s no sorrow, none of the longing or anger he’s shown throughout the day, which is surprising. It’s almost as if he knew this was how the night was going to go. Like he knew you were going to push him away.

“That….” You swallow thickly. “That’s not it.”

“Then what’s the problem?” He asks, taking a step towards you. You try to counter it, but that leads to more wood stabbing you. You’re sure some break the skin. He takes another step and now he’s directly in front of you, a mere breath away. He lowers his head to be more level with yours, giving you a close up view of his wound up fury.

“The problem,” you nearly stutter, overwhelmed by the hostility now coming off of him in waves. He’s never directed his anger towards you–the situation maybe, but never you–it’s intimidating and scary. You lick your dry lips, trying to find your voice, and he watches detachedly. “My problem is the opposite, Chanyeol. I still very much do.”

“That doesn’t seem like a problem to me.”

“Look at us!” You say. “We can’t be alone for five seconds without being all over each other! Last night was not supposed to happen the way it did! We weren’t supposed to sleep together!”

“But we did,” he snarls through clenched teeth. “And that means something, whether you want it to or not!”

“All that it means to me is we need space. This is too much for me, Yeol. We need time apart to figure out what the hell we actually want.”

“What is too much for you?” He asks, sounding exasperated. “The way I feel about you? The way you still feel about me? What is there to figure out? We still want each other, nothing else matters!”

“We still want each other physically!” You clarify. “I can agree with that, but the longer we’re together, the more I think that’s all we want!” 

“Of course not!” He finally yells. You flinch from the volume and that makes him catch himself. He huffs out a breath before repeating in a much gentler tone, “of course not.”  

He grabs one of your hands, thumb caressing your knuckles. “You are way more than that. You always have been. This is more than physical to me.”

Everything inside of you is screaming to believe him, and he himself is asking for that. For you to have faith in this, and to give it a chance. 

“Then why didn’t you say it back?” 

He doesn’t answer. Instead, he stares at the forming tears in your eyes and the slight wobble of your lips in confusion. He searches for the context to your question. It takes a minute, but then his eyes widen in realization and his mouth falls open, a slight ‘oh’ leaving before he’s snapping it back shut. The look he gives you after that is something akin to pity.

And there is your answer. You pull your hand out of his grasp, using it to wipe away the tears that slipped past your waterline. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter.”

He scrambles in alarm from your withdrawal. “Can you please stop saying shit like that?”

“Why?” You snap. Your irritation grows with every second he doesn’t give you the answer you desire. “It doesn’t. I didn’t mean it anyways. It just slipped out, so…yeah.”

You fidget nervously and try to make out the waves crashing against the wood underneath you. You’re so focused on that, you miss the way Chanyeol recoils in shock. You also miss the reigniting flames of his dimming anger.

“So when you told me you loved me, you didn’t mean it. Yet, you’re mad at me for not saying it?”

Him saying it out loud makes you cringe in embarrassment. As if he hasn’t done enough, you sense mockery in his tone. When you meet his eye again, the anger is still there, but it’s mostly frustration you notice.

“I’m not mad that you didn’t say it,” you deny.

“Yes you are!” He lets out a humorless laugh. Yeah, he’s definitely frustrated. “Is that what all this is about? Why you left this morning? Look, I’m sorry! It wasn’t because I didn’t feel the same, I was just…preoccupied.”

“Preoccupied with what?” You ask in disbelief.

He gives you a steady look, eyebrows raised in a way to say, ‘you know what’. It takes a minute for you to decipher what he’s alluding to, but then you remember what happened right after your little confession and groan his name, appalled.

“See?” He’s grinning like a madman now, pulling at your arms in an attempt to catch your attention. “That’s all I ever wanted to hear. And once I did, I couldn’t control myself anymore. You telling me you love me made me cum.”

“Be serious right now,” you say, frowning in disgust.

“Oh, I’m very serious right now,” he says, that gleefully large grin still on his face.

You throw him a skeptical look. “You’re smiling and talking about cum. You think this is a joke.”

That makes his smile slowly disappear. He says your name. “I don’t think this is funny. I’m telling you the truth. You want me to prove it to you? Hm? I’ll say it right now. I lo–”

“I don’t want to hear it now!” You interrupt in a shout. “If you had said it then, things might’ve been different, but you didn’t. I don’t care why you didn’t either. That was all the confirmation I needed. We have no idea what we want from this.”

“Here we go again,” he groans, walking a bit away from you.

You jut your jaw at that. “I’m going to repeat myself until you get it through that thick skull. Whatever happened, happened. It’s done. We’re done.”

Chanyeol’s frustration is back with a vengeance. His fingers run through his dark hair, yanking at the strands as he starts pacing in front of you. “How can you say that when you had your tongue down my throat minutes ago? You let me cum inside you! You told me you loved me! And that’s it? There’s mixed signals and then there’s whatever the fuck you’re doing right now.”

“There you go talking about cum again,” you mutter to yourself. Louder, “I’m being realistic! It’s only been three days. Three! And, what? We’re just supposed to pick up right where we left off? Act like the past few years never happened? That’s not how this works, and I doubt that’s healthy. We need more time.”

“I already told you that I’ll always love you, and I meant that. I know you’re scared, Mel. Hell, I’m scared too. You’re right, things are moving fast, but that’s because we still care for each other. I know you still love me. You wouldn’t have said it if you didn’t. This wouldn’t be us pretending we never broke up. This can be us realizing that we’re better together. That we’re even stronger now that we’ve had time to figure out who we are apart. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“It was,” you’re quick to emphasize the past tense. “But I’ve changed a lot since the last time you saw me, Yeol, so stop acting like you know me.”

Something you say catches his attention, and he narrows his eyes suspiciously. “You haven’t changed much.” He says your name. “I still know you, probably better than anybody else here. Just like you still know me.” 

He’s stilled from pacing, and it’s a bit ominous after watching him frantically walk for the past couple minutes. He runs a hand over his face tiredly and lets out a heavy sigh. “So, that’s really what this is about.”

You raise an eyebrow questioningly and he laughs, shaking his head.

“I was hoping it wasn’t, but what you just said…. It all makes sense now.” He’s muttering under his breath, talking to himself.

“What are you going on about?” You ask.

“This morning, when I woke up and you weren’t there, I knew. I didn’t want to believe it, that you would do something like that, but I knew what happened the moment I realized you had left me.”

Your body begins to shake, and it isn’t from the cold. Foreboding chills your spine, causing goosebumps to rise, sharpening once he locks eyes with you, the accusations hard to miss.

“You still hate me.”

His hands curl into tight fists at his sides, trembling–as are his shoulders, his voice. He closes his eyes, taking deep calming breaths you doubt help him much. 

“And now you’re telling me you didn’t mean it when you said you loved me. That you changed since the ‘last time I saw you’. Was that your plan all along? To seduce me? Make me think you still gave a shit so that I’d let you fuck me and then leave? Was last night revenge sex?”

“No,” you gasp, genuinely shocked by his conclusion. “I already told you, it was a lapse of judgment–”

“I’m not playing this fucking game with you!” He shouts. His voice breaks, just like his heart currently does. “You don’t get to hurt me again. You can’t play with my feelings everytime I allow myself to be open with you. Maybe you’re right, Mel. Maybe I don’t know you anymore, because I never thought you could do something this fucking cruel.”

“Me? Cruel?” Your anger flares up. “What the fuck about you? You come here, bring some other girl you care nothing for, and then pretend like we never knew each other! Then proceeded to ignore her the whole time to flirt with me any chance you got!”

“We’re not talking about this trip!” Chanyeol dismisses. “I should have never brought her, I know that now, but that’s not what this is about. This is about the time before that, when you gave me back the engagement ring!”

Sehun mentioned the night before the wedding that you have a baseless grudge against Chanyeol, one that twisted the love you have for him, crossing that thin line over to hate. He was positive you made something up, a ‘lie’ he called it, to keep Chanyeol at arm’s length from your heart in order to protect it. The truth is that Sehun grew cocky. He believed so deeply that you couldn’t keep anything from him, that it was impossible to with the way he can so easily read you, that he never suspected when you did. It was only one thing. One thing you decided to keep to yourself, refusing to confide in even Sehun. The reason? To protect the man in front of you, the same way he protected you.

The last thing you want is to bring it up, but technically, Chanyeol is doing it first.

“Gave it back?” You’re in total disbelief. “You took it back the morning after you slept with me and then completely ghosted like I was some one night stand!”

“That’s what you wanted!” 

“When?” You ask, baffled. “When I invited you over? Or was it in the middle of us having sex?”

He runs a hand roughly through his hair. “Okay, but why did you invite me over?”

“Because I–”

He doesn’t let you finish, his own anger from that day getting the best of him. “Because you wanted to give me the ring back!”

His voice has risen, and it silences you completely. 

“Fuck!” He’s saying your name again, but there isn’t an ounce of affection. “You wanted to return the ring. It was the one thing–the only thing that gave me hope. I told you to keep it, because I knew as long as you still had it, there was still a future for us. But then you called me. It hadn’t even been a year since our separation–because that’s what we were, separated not broken up–and the first time I hear from you it’s to tell me you want to give me back your fucking ring!”

Your head is spinning, attempting to comprehend everything he just admitted, filling in blanks you have been trying to figure out for years now. You hate to admit it, but some things are starting to make sense. 

“So, which was it then?” You question rather calmly. “You were still hurt from when I broke things off, so when I reached out you saw your chance to return the favor? Or was it because you thought that’s why I asked you to come over, so you got upset, slept with me, and left as a big fuck you?”

“Neither,” he reveals, evident disgust from your thought process. “Sleeping with you that night just happened. I didn’t do it with the intention to hurt you.”

“Sounds familiar,” you point out. He pinches the bridge of his nose. It feels like you’re going nowhere. Like you’re speaking in circles. “But okay, fine, say I believe that you didn’t do it to hurt me. Why did you leave?”

“Because I didn’t want what happened that night to become our normal,” he admits. “You knew how I felt about you, and I didn’t want you to take advantage of that–of me. Come on, Mel, you’ve always known the power you have over me. If you had told me that night that all you wanted from me was sex, I’d given that to you. Hell, if you told me right now that’s all you want, I’d give it to you. I’d give you anything. You’re my Melody.” He takes a deep shaky breath. “But I knew that if I reduced myself to that just to keep you, it would destroy me. I didn’t want to lose myself like that. And I don’t ever want to hate you. That’s why I ultimately left. Took the ring–like you told me to–and ran before you could change my mind. That was me setting a boundary for myself. I had to let you go before I allowed you to use and break me.”

Your heart sinks at his explanation. “Do you really think I’d treat you like that?”

“Do you really think I’d make love to you and not mean it?” He counters.

Again, you’re back at square one. Blinking at one another, trying to figure out where you stand in each other’s hearts. With the newfound knowledge of Chanyeol’s thoughts on that infamous day, you look internally. To be honest, his words don’t sway you much. The hurt from that day is still painful. You vividly remember the way your heart shattered when he was nowhere to be found. To add salt to the wound, he had blocked you on everything, so that you had no way to contact him afterwards. Yes, you really did believe he was capable of doing that.

“No matter what your intention was that day,” you start. “The result is still the same.”

Once Chanyeol hears this, you watch him build up a wall, closing you off from him for the first time. Until right now, you believed he wasn’t capable of doing that to you. That it couldn’t be helped or that he felt comfortable enough to let his guard down in your presence. But watching all the vulnerability, all the honesty, all the affection he had for you vanish before your eyes, you realize you have been giving yourself too much credit.

“I guess that makes us even now, right?” He asks bitterly. 

You turn away, partially out of guilt, but also because you can’t stomach the haunted shadow dulling him. He’s right, in a sick way. You both ran away, hurting the other despite the reasoning behind it.

“So, that’s it then?” He asks when you fail to say anything.

“Chanyeol….” You turn back to him and instantly are bombarded with regret. You can so easily fix this. If you really want to, you can tell him that you forgive him for that night, that you truly never meant to hurt him and that the night before meant everything to you. You can walk off this boardwalk hand in hand, laughing with giddiness from falling back in love with your soulmate. Rejoining your friends who would be nothing but ecstatic and supportive of you working through your issues and returning to one another. You can do that. It will only take one simple sentence. 

But you don’t forgive him, and you haven’t really resolved anything. Your new relationship would be built on the foundation of ignorance, avoidance, and lust. You didn’t want that, not if it is the cost of having him back at this moment. You both have some healing to do before jumping into this again, and this conversation proved that. You aren’t ready.

“I–yeah. I think it would be for the best if we end things here.”

“Yeah,” he agrees in defeat. He sniffs and scratches the back of his head. “You’re probably right. There’s not much else I can say to make you stay.”

He takes you in one more time. In his reluctance, it’s as if he’s giving you a chance to change your answer, but you both know you won’t. Guess he does still know you well. He clears his throat and without saying goodbye, walks away. 

He’s about to clear the walk when you’re yelling at him to wait.

He does. He faces you and watches with wide eyes as you run hastily over to him. You stop at a safe distance, close enough to see him under the dim moonlight, but far enough away that you can’t feel the distracting heat of his body. 

He observes you warily, probably wondering how you’re going to break his heart this time. It’s that bit of doubt that made you run. There’s one last thing he needs to know, the one thing he needs to take away from this conversation, if nothing else.

“I don’t hate you.”

It’s the last thing he expected, and his reaction reflects that. His eyes grow glossy and he does his best to blink the unshed tears back, while also fighting the frown weighing the corners of his lips, causing them to tremble. Wordlessly, he reaches out to you, cupping the back of your head, and you let him. You allow him to touch you, to bring you close to him, relishing in his heat against the chilling bite of the ocean’s breeze. He pulls you in and presses a tender lingering kiss onto your forehead.

“Thank you,” he whispers against your skin.

And then he’s gone, taking all the warmth with him.

And you watch, as his fire dims and he blends with the gray of your surroundings before disappearing out of sight.

You pray to god that’s not a metaphor.

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[emmatgc]

Wonderful World Part 9

I Found Love (where it wasn’t supposed to be) 

Seon Yul POV 

“And I've moved further than I thought I could

But I missed you more than I thought I would

And I'll use you as a warning sign

That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind

And I found love where it wasn't supposed to be

Right in front of me

Talk some sense to me” 

This is Seon Yul’s current favorite song listening to it upon arriving at their rented dorm just outside the hospital they will be studying for a short course. This is on replay button. He can’t help but feel this is his song for her and towards her. It is 1pm in Germany, and it is 8:00pm in Korea. He wasn’t able to call upon landing an hour ago since everything went fast when they were fetched by the dorm master and showed their place. He doesn’t want to be rude and all, so he just texted Soo Hyun, smiling like a teenage boy “I’m here” and I miss you already”. 

He is now sitting and wondering if he calls her since its kinda late at night 

“I don’t know exactly where this feelings of mine started for HER. When my Mother told me to stop my revenge plans years ago, God, it feels like a decade ago but still raw.  All I wanted was to ruin her and make her feel the pain I was feeling. It started with a lie, everything. It wasn’t coincidence, I planned everything and somehow, the outcome was something I didn’t anticipated. I fell in love with her not knowing it was love. They say the opposite of love is hate and I believe that’s what happened to me. I tried to move on, and moved out away from her after that fateful day I went to her book signing event. That was 6 years after and I still felt the same. I was scared but I was sure. I wanted her. I don’t want anybody else. Hells be damn. I’d be lying if I didn’t feel conflicted. She killed my Father so how I can love her? It is twisted. I know. I wish I had answers but I don’t and I don’t care. Still, I would be fine if she didn’t love me back because the last thing I wanted is to force her and hurt her. We bleed the same. Now, she is saying we should give it a shot. Now, I am more than scared that I ever was. True, I want her but do I deserve her, really? What should I do now? God, I am acting like a greenly teenager having a huge crush on a teacher. Haha She is like a strict teacher in my eyes and I always have a thing for strong older woman. It is the reason I didn’t have girlfriends really and those younger than me, I treat them as lil sisters. I was attracted to more mature woman and Soo Hyun is just perfect. She is perfect. She was my torment but now she is my savior”

Checking his phone now, thinking of calling her… he continued in his thoughts 

“When I saw her at the airport time froze. I froze! I cannot believe my eyes. Is this some joke or am I dreaming? Then she hugged me and there it made sense. It is real. Honest to God, I wanted to kiss her right then but I held back for her sake. I didn’t know if she was ready. People say Im crazy but indeed I am. Now that I have her, or shall I say, we have a chance, she didn’t say she loves me yet, or is in love with me, we will take it slow like she said. Im happiest that I’ve ever been and I don’t want this to end. This is something new and everything is uncertain but she said “yes” to a chance and Im gonna try my very best to make her happy. I am sure of my feelings, the question is, will she be able to love me back?”

Soo Hyun POV

It is 8:00pm now, and Soo Hyun was restless and nervous. Will he call? Was it true, what happened at the airport? Maybe I am dreaming, maybe its all a bad joke. She is rumbling by herself. Then, her phone rang 

“I’m here and I miss you already” 

She dropped her phone and thank goodness she is in a couch. Her heart fluttered and her stomach felt butterflies. My gosh, she said, I am acting like a teenager! What should I reply then? Should I reply? Maybe tomorrow since its late already, he needs to rest but wait, our time zone is different now, she realizes. She prepared herself a tea to calm her nerves and it allowed her to think. Think about him and what happened at the airport. 

When Yoo Ra told me they were going abroad, I was shocked and I admit, I was feeling weird. Was I jealous? I know Yoo ra likes him. But I cannot stop thinking about him since he left the orphanage and I tried to stop thinking about him but I can’t. Im too old to feel this way. He is way too young for me and I….I killed his Dad. How can he love me like that? It is crazy. He is crazy. Whats crazier? Why am I feeling this way too? I want him but I know this is wrong. Who dares love the killer of his dad? This is some punishment from the Gods! Yet, if this is a sin then I guess I am willing to take. I want to be happy and I want to move on. I want to choose life and happiness and he….he makes me happy. I don’t know why and how but he does even those years ago, when we were at odds. I cared for him a great deal already. Not as guardian but as person, as a woman, too. Seon Yul didn’t know, I called the hospital and got Yoo Ra’s contact number. I lied that it has something to do about their work at the orphanage but really it wasn’t. We talked. She said “you are both crazy for each other and so if you have any feelings for him, then go with me at the airport and say it directly to his pretty damn face! Yoo ra is great. She is feisty. She should be the one with Seon Yul but He likes me instead. He is in love with me, he said. I like him, too. I want him in my life but truly, I am not sure if this is the same love I had for my husband yet. He was the only man in my life for a long time. But, I had to give my heart a chance this time. Gosh, am I doing the right thing? We bleed the same. The song I love entitled “where is my love” the lyrics there “Don’t she know, we bleed the same” hit me when I listen to it. When he was scared, I wanted to comfort him. When I was scared, he wanted to comfort me. He is like me with all the pain, the agony and sufferings. We can heal each other. We can move on. Together, we can. 

Drinking her tea..she continued “When I saw him at the airport, for the very 1st time, I found him so handsome. My heart skipped a beat. My goodness, I was crazy and acting like a school girl in front a crush! He is like the boy next door type after all. You know the guy across the street. Very pretty, handsome but really prettier than me. Haha.. I can sense his shock and disbelief and I wanted him to feel secured that I am giving this, Us…a chance. I like him and I want him to stay in my life. I don’t know how , or when it will stop of if I will stop but for now, it is what it is. I finally admit, I like him, too. I cannot deny it anymore. 

 It is 2pm now in Germany, Seon Yul is settled and he is worried because she didn’t replied. Is she asleep already? It is after all 9pm. He was about to call it a night when his phone rang… “I am glad you are there safely. Have you eaten? Don’t forget to eat promptly.” 

Haha he laughed. She is always thinking about feeding me and still so proper in her texts! Their “feeding” moments started the very 1st time they got to know each other. They talk over food and it made Seon Yul like her all the more. Seon Yul’s eyebrow slightly raised because she didn’t say she missed him back but it is ok he said, one step at a time. Trust the process. He wanted to reply “goodnight” already since he worries she might stay late if they still talk but he has to try. The boy has to try. He misses her already and he just wanted to hear his voice. 

There were 3 rings and finally, she answered. Seeing her phone rang and his name sent shivers to Soo Hyun. She is so nervous. 

Hello? She said. Hi, he replied.  Both were smiling. 

Seon Yul held his breath and there will silence. As always, Soo Hyun, the “mature” of the two, as she says it herself and she takes pride in it, ask how is he. 

How are you? I am glad your plane landed safely, Seon Yul.

It was a good flight. How are you? 

I am good. Im about to rest. 

Oh, Im sorry , I shouldn’t have called. We can..

NO, its ok. I am glad you called. 

Butterflies felt in his stomach. She is the only one who ca make him feel that way.. So…he said, he cleared his throat. Sorry, I don’t really know what to say, I’m such a mess. Im nervous, Soo Hyun. 

She laughed and replied “I am nervous, too. We are both crazy”. 

We are hahaha 

Have you eaten? You haven’t answered me yet. 

Do you miss me? You haven’t answered me either. 

Both answered simultaneously “I have, said Seon Yul and I do , said Soo Hyun. 

He has eaten and she misses him. 

Both seemed happy with their replies. 

Soo Hyun? 

Yes? 

What are we now? 

Hmmm… I don’t know. 

You don’t? 

I..am not sure but, exclusively dating? 

Seon Yul smiled so wide. His face is gonna hurt if he won’t stop smiling. 

Ok. 

OK? 

Yes. OK. We are dating. Exclusively. 

You don’t sound happy, Seon Yul? 

I can show you how happy I am but it won’t be appropriate Soo Hyun 

She shivered again. She finds him sexy just this instant. 

Is he flirting with me? Soo Hyun wonders. 

He sense the tension and maybe the shyness of Soo Hyun, and he broke it off, still smiling. 

We will take this one day at a time. Nice, easy and slow Soo Hyun, don’t worry. 

They thought they will talk for a minute or two but ended talking 2 hours. They talked about his room in Germany. She was pleased to know the decorations and such. He told her about his scholarship and she was very much impressed. He loves impressing her.  He asked about the orphanage and it seems they are comfortable as they can at least for now. They are friends after all and to level up, is another thing. 

You better rest and sleep now, Soo Hyun. 

Alright. Goodnight Seon Yul. 

Take care please? She added. 

Always. Goodnight and I…I love you. 

You are playing dirty, Seon Yul. 

I’m not. You are. 

See you, I mean, let’s talk again tomorrow. 

Someones excited to see me home already huh.mm

Let’s put the phone now, she said and embarrassed. They both laughed 

Goodnight. Goodnight.

They finally put the phone down and she slept. He on the other hand has to prepare for a meeting. They are now somehow together. They are exclusively a “thing”, dating” They like that word. 

For 5 weeks, the long distance “Sort of relationship” they have was a challenge but not a big one. Yet for Seon Yul, he started missing her so bad already. Seon Yul had a great time in Germany and in his last few days, he was ready to go home. He wants to see her so bad already. 

Yoo Ra will have a different flight and different day to go back. She will stay over for another week. Seon Yul can’t wait to go home. He wants to bring something for her. Yoo Ra helped him tour the city. 

“I meant to ask you, did you and Soo Hyun talked? That day at the airport. How did it happened? 

Yoo ra being funny and jealous of Seon Yul being in love and she, still single, said “I told her if she won’t pursue you, I will?” 

You did what? Seon Yul, about to get furious

Hahahaha..she laughed so hard. Relax, greenboy. I was joking. To cut the story short, we talked. Girl talk. That’s all. So, stop asking already. 

He bought her a cashmink scarf from FRAAS, an 18th century famous german brand. She likes scarfs and he wants to put it on her. Winter is coming and he also bought her a jacket and scented candles. He bought also Kaweco Fountain pens. Of course pens, he said! She needed pens for writing and book signing. Yoo ra can’t help but laughed at him. “You haven’t even bought 1 thing for yourself and Soo Jin, you are a bad friend, Seon Yul” She smacked him at the back. 

He bought a tea set for himself and wanted that tea set for them to use when she visits his home soon. He imagines Soo Hyun having tea at his house. He also bought basic building blocks for the kids in the orphanage. HE never bought a lot for someone ever before. Not even for her mother or father. He has it bad, he thought. 

Yoo ra bid goodbye and they will see each other in Korea next week. 

Seon Yul was packing when he heard his phone rang. 

It is Soo Jin 

Hey bro! I heard you are arriving tomorrow. I want to fetch you but I believe somebody is fetching you tomorrow, right? I don’t want to be the third wheel. Haha, Yoo ra said the same thing. Ill see you soon! Im gonna be mad if I don’t have a gift, bro! 

Seon Yul laughed and thought to himself he has the best friends in the world. Another less to worry in this crazy world they have now entered. 

Soo Hyun texted Seon Yul. “Ill see you tomorrow. “

See you tomorrow. 

I miss you… Seon Yul was shocked to read and he read it again to check if he is wrong or just sleepy right now. But it says right there, she missed him. It’s progress, he said. He giggled. 

He replied “I miss you more. See you tomorrow!”

The next day, Soo Hyun was early. She was excited. She missed him dearly. He was gone more than a month and the yearning and longing was strong for him. She can’t deny it further. 

An hour later…there he is. 

He has arrived. All wearing his gorgeous smile , pretty hair, in white. She wants to run towards her but her feet seems stuck and she can’t move. He is back. He is now my…my Seon Yul. Distracted, Seon Yul hugged her first. He smelled her and squeezed her. 

“Hi” he said. 

Hello, she answered. Welcome back…welcome home. 

Yeah, it is good to be back. 

Let’s go, she said. 

Wait, he said. He took the scarf and put it on her neck. The fuchsia pink scarf. He bought 3 actually. You look beautiful, he murmur.

There, you are ready now. We are ready now. 

Where to? He asked. 

Anywhere with you? she replied.

He chuckled. Sounds romantic, he replied.  They both have huge grin and acting so in love. 

Let’s go. He held her hands. This time though, she interlocked her fingers in his. They were holding hands, properly and romantically now. 

The dating era is about to begin. 

Indeed, they both found love where it wasn’t supposed to be. 

Note :  I do back up research on this story ever since just because also I am a researcher myself. From the places in Korea to the songs, the inspiration and just currently, about Germany, and its famous hospital areas and gifts. Originally, I intended for this to be a 1 shot story but I want to honor and craft slowly this slow burn love story of our favorite characters. They deserve it. I hope you are feeling what I am feeling. I surprisingly enjoyed this for months now. Writing this one, my ever 1st fanfic is very challenging but enjoyable. Now, instead of 10 chapters, this would be probably be 12 at least. So, thank you for sticking with my story. You don’t know how much it means to me. Here and on X (twitter) thank you so much for your support! Next chapter is called “Secret Lovers”. Enough said, the title is everything and more. See yah!

[celestie0]

LOVEEE CHAP 9 SM MAN! bro i love how gojo didn't take anything reader said to heart when she's upset and just blabbering shit to piss hin off (about the college athlete thing) and mf just said "you done?" LOVE HIMMMMMMMM

HI MY BB thank u so muuuuch im so happy you enjoyed it <33 and yea he totally realized she’s been thru a fkn lot lately w all the finances n career stress n also him stress lmfao so he just……..stood there n took it🧍lol

lmao ive been wanting an excuse to bring this up n i think ur ask gives me it haha but kickoff gojo reminds me of this tiktok:

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey cas! How are you?

little (bit long) rant,

Haha love that my mom doesnt make food unless shes hungry or feels like it so bc my dad and my brother are gone this weekend i have to figure out my own breakfast, lunch and dinner.

She wont even order delivery because we 'have food in this house' aka old leftovers that she wont even eat and fishsticks that i was going to have for lunch tomorrow bc she wont make lunch tomorrow either 😃

Fuck me for wanting one meal a day that im not responsible for. Its been like this since i was 9 👍

I used to make myself pasta with hot sauce or lettuce sandwhiches for lunch.

Maybe i'll offer to pay for my own delivery but even then its not likely to happen.

She also does this when she goes out to some function and maybe drink with my dad (if they do drink they will let themselves be known when they come back very loudly bc they will be arguing about god knows what this time). Me and my brother will get home from school and neither of our parents will be there. We have to text them to actually know where they are (they rarely tell is when they are going to be home late and when they do get home late its like until 9 o clock) and know what we will be eating. More often then not its 'idk make a sandwhich or something'

Just wanted to rant bc my mom is pissing me off rn

Hi hon ❤️ I’m sorry, this sounds so frustrating. To me it seems like it’s not just the way she’s not helping with food, but the way she’s not really thinking about you either. That’s really upsetting.

Sending love!