#imagine you exist. but you're the hyperfixation

[bigfatbreak]

Hello I love your art!!! I was reading through your changeling au and Felix mentions that fae are creatures of mirth. They literally need attention to survive. But what kind of attention? I guess I'm wondering because Adrien has been in the public eye for a while now, but has been personally neglected for even longer. What does that mean for him? Is he starving? Is he in danger of dying? Does he even know it? (I assume not given he doesn't even know he's Fae).

If he is starving / in danger of starving who is the first to realize this?

it depends on the mirth, on the attention, on what it is they seek. Without making things too complicated - I don't like to define everything into neat little boxes after all, there's fun in nuance - Felix is just explaining from his experience, the Fae he was with tended to be "entertained" by certain aspects of their playing, which was the mirth that kept them relevant. Relevancy more than anything is really what keeps their wheels greased.

In Adrien's case though, the reason he's cloying for so many names and to have so many thralls and attendants is because he SHOULD be a more social creature and has been kept woefully alone. He is kinda starving in the way a fae starves - he's relevant, but only in an image his father constructs OF him, which means it isn't REALLY him - and he has no one to play with. No friends, no lovers, and no rivals, makes a very sad fae

[i-swear-its-only-ironical]

Every time I have important exams coming up, a new hyperfixation arises. And sadly, it's never idk something academically useful but always some flavour of found family with one character or ship that owns my life for like 2 months and makes me want to write extensive analysis about. BUT NO, MY DEAR BRAIN, THIS HASN'T GOT ANYTHING TO DO WITH STATISTICS OR POLITICAL SCIENCE SO FUCK YOU.

I'm fine it's fine it's okay I'm fine.

[oneawkwardwriter]

prince caspian, inspired by 'I see the light' from tangled also imagine on the dawn threader at night under the moon and the stars

anything else is up to you

I See The Light

pairing: Dawn Treader!King Caspian x gn!reader warnings: a little bit of pining, very intense eye-contact, maybe perhaps some kissing... maybe even perhaps things getting just a little bit more heated... not quite nsfw, but there's some implying summary: you're staring at the moon and stars; Caspian is staring at you a/n: thank you so much for requesting this, I absolutely LOVE Tangled and I've recently come back into my King Caspian Narnia hyperfixation. Also, this is techically not the first time I've written something like this, but definitely one of the better things I've written wc: 1.3k

The only light, besides that of the moon, that illuminates your path to the railing of the Dawn Treader is the lantern at the helm, where a faint flame is dancing in its little cage.

For the first time since you've left the harbour, the midnight sky is fully clear, not a cloud that dares to blanket the twinkling stars or the silver glow of the moon. It's colder than usual, a light breeze blows against your cheek.

You lean down on the railing, resting your head in the palm of your hand as you look up at the sky. For some reason, there's something mesmerising about the way the moon casts a silver glow across the water, how the stars form constellations that only exist because someone decided to connect the dots to make some sense of it all.

You're too caught up in your own head to hear the door to below deck open. And so Caspian, King of Narnia, finds you staring out into the midnight sky. He leans against the doorframe with his arms crossed, a smile adorns his lips. His eyes skim over your figure, taking in every detail as the wind lightly ruffles your hair.

For a moment, he just stands there, not wanting to disturb you. After some time, he carefully approaches you. You hadn't noticed him at first, but after a while, you had felt his eyes burning in your back. So when he came to stand beside you, you weren't entirely startled.

"Can't sleep?" Caspian asks softly, not looking you in the eyes just yet and instead looks up at the sky as well.

"Oh, I'm sure I could if I bothered to try," You answer, "It's just that the sky hasn't been this clear ever since we sailed out of the harbour."

"It also hasn't been this cold ever since we sailed out of the harbour," He remarks, "A simple shirt won't keep you warm enough."

"Oh please, I'm fine," You say, even though you're unable to hide the shiver as it runs down your spine. "Besides, shouldn't you be fast asleep in your bed?"

The king lets out a dry chuckle and shakes his head. "Perhaps, but luckily for me, I don't have to follow orders," He says, his gaze drifting towards you now, "You, on the other hand, would be wise to do so. You should go to bed, get some rest."

You playfully roll your eyes. "I'll go to bed shortly," You say, looking back at him as well now. "You know, you're welcome to stay here for a while, Your Majesty."

"Oh, don't go calling me by my title now, we're past that," He says, finally being able to properly look you in the eyes. "Please, just call me Caspian. Also, thank you for allowing me to stay on my own ship."

"Alright, I didn't mean it like that," You respond as you lightly chuckle and shake your head, "I just didn't want you to think you couldn't be here because I was already here, even though it's your ship, which you said and... I'm rambling, aren't I?"

Caspian looked at you with a light smile on his lips, his eyes trained on yours. "You are, but please, don't stop on my account," He says, moving almost unnoticably closer. "Really, do continue, please."

"Oh, okay, uhm..." It didn't make sense why your mind suddenly went completely blank. There was no reason for your cheeks suddenly feeling warm and turning a bright red. "What... what did you want to talk about?"

"Oh, anything, really," Caspian answered, the silver light of the moon reflecting in his eyes. "That wasn't an order, by the way. I just... really love it when you talk."

"Good to know," You say softly, averting your eyes for a moment before looking back up at the midnight sky. "So... the sky is beautiful tonight, isn't it?"

"Yes, it truly is." If you had looked at him, you would've seen Caspian's eyes were still trained on you rather than the sky. "The way the moon and stars cast their silver glow is... truly mesmerising."

Despite the chilled breeze that glides over the ship and the silence between them, the atmosphere is strangely comfortable and relaxed. Time seems to stand still, stretching the minutes into an eternity as the two of you continue to gaze up at the midnight sky.

After Aslan knows how long, Caspian softly speaks up again. "Have I ever told you why I love being at sea so much?"

You avert your gaze from the stars to look at him. "No, but please, do tell."

"Back in the palace," He begins, "everyone and everything always seems to be in such a hurry. And despite all of that, I feel like I'm doing nothing but chasing down daydreams until the days just... blur together.

"But out here, everything is so peaceful. The gentle rocking of the ship, the glow of the starlight... suddenly, everything is crystal clear, like I've finally found what I'm supposed to do."

You softly smile as you listen intentively, resting your head on the palm of his hand. After a while, Caspian looks at you in slight confusion, raising an eyebrow.

"What?" He asks, letting out a soft chuckle.

"Oh, nothing," You say, your smile turning into the lightest of smirks as you continue, "I just... really love it when you talk."

Caspian let out another chuckle as he shakes his head. "Using my own words against me, are you now?" He comments teasingly, leaning in just a little bit closer. "Are you sure it's a good idea to challenge your king?"

"Didn't you say that we were past using your title?" You raise an eyebrow at him, daring enough to take a small step closer as well. "And if not, what will you do? Exile me?"

"Oh no, my dear, I wouldn't dream of it." The world seemed to somehow shift into a blur as the back of his fingers lightly brushes against your cheek, creating a contrast between the warmth of his touch and the chilled gusts of the wind. "Has anyone ever told you your eyes are as bright as the stars above?"

The light touch of his hand and his soothing words managed to knock the breath out of your lungs, the way he gazed into your eyes left you in a trance-like state. If your eyes were as bright as the stars, his were brighter than a thousand suns with the intensity he was looking at you.

Slowly, carefully, an invisble force seemed to push the two of you closer together until there were mere millimeters between your lips. And then, time seemed to freeze into a moment of uncertainty, even though the electricity could be sliced with a knife.

"Tell me to stop," Caspian breathed, his hand resting on your cheek as those brown eyes bored into yours. "My Starlight, tell me to stop. I won't be able to hold back."

"Don't stop... don't hold back."

And that was all he needed to hear before closing the distance between you. In his defense, he really intended on holding back on the intensity, but as soon as those words had fallen from your lips, he was done for.

One hand snaked around your waist, pulling you flush against his body while his older hand held steadily onto your face. Your hands crept into his hair, your fingers softly running through the strands, earning yourself a soft groan falling from his lips.

His grip on your waist tightens slightly, the fervour in his kiss grows a little stronger. "Please," He whispers against your lips, nearly sounding like a desperate plea.

"Okay..." You respond breathlessly, letting him pull you towards the stairs leading to below deck.

© This work belongs to @oneawkwardwriter, please do not copy this work to any other site or claim it as your own. Reblogs are allowed and appreciated!

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[kingofspadescos]

Astarion Brainrot

You ever become so enamored by a character that the actual movie, book, or game their apart of doesn't interest you, you're simply just awestruck by a character?

Same.

Not that BG3 doesn't interest me in itself, but I only want to play it for the interactions (and the fact you can create a non-binary mc)

Anyways- point is my thoughts have been consumed by the vampire and needless to say this hyperfixation seems like it will be staying around for a while, so here's a little thing I thought of.

Imagine Astarian falling in love with an asexual Tav.

He's constatly trying to seduce them, whispering in their ear, touching them, using all the tactics he knows, but nothing works. They just reject his touch- but that doesn't confuse him. What gets him in such a twist is even though you shy away from his advances you always hang around him, always rant to him about your interests and it's driving him fucking wild.

Then one day while the group is gathered around the campfire for a game of would you rather, and someone asks you "Would you rather bed Astarian or Gale?" And you responded with "Neither, the thought of sex actually makes me want to cry, but I'd much rather just kiss Astarian", said vampire is almsot positive his non-existant heart stopped beating again.

~~ Okay okay that's it!

[nights-at-crystarium]

You know what, I assume that people always read my pinned, or notice the pointer "new reader? start here" in every new Fragments' episode. I might be deluding myself. So hi hello lemme TALK ABOUT MY COMIC.

Before I get too rambly (and I mean RAMBLY), here's a quick intro. Fragments is a comic focused on feels and slice of life, made by a queer guy, aiming to ~character study~ the main cast (Vivi, Raha, Alisaie, Feo Ul) and fill in the gaps in canon (or linger in canon moments that needed more air imo), the tone ranging from angst to fluff to meme. Good punches require a good windup, so please don't expect angst anytime soon :3c

The story's segmented (fragmented, heh) into episodes. Episodes 1-11 take place in ARR, you can enjoy them with no worry about spoilers. Episode 12 onward is ShB, with all the spoilers and lorebending.

My storytelling style assumes you haven't only played through ShB, but know it like the back of your hand, i.e. it's for nerds and thinkers. Of course there's plenty of silly moments that don't require any deep knowledge, but the overarching story does. Often I skip canon events, only hinting that they took place, simply because I don't wanna retell the msq 1:1, I've got plenty of original scenes waiting to be drawn. You're in for a treat if you like obsessing over emotional and moral implications of things. And, yes, this's a story about a morally grey mc. Don't expect to be spoon-fed "and this's why that thing's bad, kids".

Currently I've outlined all the main story beats up until post EW, so it's like, not being winged as I go. Yes I refine things here and there, but I know where I'm going. I'm going ham!!!! With the lorebending post ShB. Initially I didn't plan to, but the more I learned about Vivi and personally grew as a writer, the more courage I got to "divorce" from canon. The general xiv story may still be good wherever it's headed, but it's not suited for an established wolgraha, so I'm making food for myself.

Everyone imagines the lil scenes from their wol's life, I'm taking that a tiiiiiny step further. Fragments tells a cohesive story that's looking to be the longest project at least in our corner. I can and will hyperfixate on this for years.

I started out just like many others, being hit with ShB like a truck, I wanted to put a catboy under a microscope and rotate him forever. Although I'd already been drawing for decades, I didn't have the comic-making skills yet, or eloquence to write the dialogue, so I spent the first half of 2022 self-studying, just because I needed a mouth to be able to scream about my ship.

Vivi didn't exist prior to my obsession with Exarch. He was made for this, he started out as a reagent (or a foil, now that I know fancy writing terms) for a rich and fun chemistry, and keep myself entertained for years, first and foremost.

Me, a fool: okay let's make a guy that falls in love with Exarch in this particular moment, what kinda life must he have led to- Me: ....oh no

The chemistry quickly bubbled up and exploded in my face, involving not only Exarch, but other characters (first as a means to subtly tell about Vivi, then they also demanded their own screentime), and here I am, sitting with a massive script on my hands, drawing my blorbos every day. Thanks for enabling that btw.

I care about characters a lot. I ask a lot of whys and hows. I'm critical-minded and burned on many bad stories that did their characters dirty, and I wanna be an opposing example. What I'm doing is extremely ambitious and risky, yes, but I can only invite you to tag along and see if I stick to my word.

The internet's a cruel and unforgiving place nowadays, and here I am, pitting my passion against what feels like decaying humanity. I'm making this comic to keep myself happy above all else, being sincere and cringe because life's too short to be anything else.

Thanks for reading this, and if you haven't yet, read Fragments here!

[orange-orchard-system]

Hi, I would like you guys' input on something if you're comfortable

Is it bad/rude that as a singlet I want to be plural? I'm not trying to romantacize it or anything (heck I was hyperfixated on DID and did a lot of research on it for like a year straight), I understand probably better than most singlets the struggles, but I can't help feeling a soul-deep sense of longing just towards the idea in general

Probably influenced by the fact that I'm a lot more identity fluid than most singlets but yeah... I want to be plural so badly and I'm really conflicted cause isn't that like... Rude?

No, it is not rude at all. In fact, this is what drives some people to become plural!

See, plurality is something that can be achieved purposely through practices such as tulpamancy. Tulpamancy is the practice of creating other headmates, consciousnesses, or persons (the term used to explain the process differs depending on preference and text; the general term for these created beings is "tulpa(s)") to live alongside their creator in their body/mind. It can be done unintentionally, but if you want to become plural, then you'd probably be looking into resources for intentional tulpamancy. If this sounds like it interests you – whether that means you just want to learn more or you think you might want to create a tulpa – then I'd recommend some of @eeveecraft's resources on the subject. A masterpost of them can be found here, but I'd particularly recommend their Tulpamancy Guide and the FAQ for their guide. Although the tulpa community is not one-to-one connected with the wider plural community, tulpamancy is still recognized as a practice that can allow someone to become plural, typically through repeated interactions with an imagined entity until it begins to form its/their own autonomy and sense of self [and become real, or their own person]. The community also has a great number of resources for bettering communication between headmates, creating innerworlds, and the like.

However, before you jump into any practices like tulpamancy, I do want to let you know that what you describe is a very common experience for those who already are plural and just don't know it yet. Before discovering their plurality, many systems describe having an undescribable connection with the plural community or longing to be plural. Considering you mention having an especially fluid identity, perhaps this is an angle you should look into? It may be possible that your longing is something closer to subconscious recognition, or a desire to be open with yourself and others about plurality that you're suppressing. Maybe this isn't the case and you really are a singlet, but I see this often enough that it felt prudent to suggest it.

I recommend trying out some basic exercises, such as seeing how it feels to call yourself plural, tracking your identity and preferences for any patterns, and practicing talking to any headmates you might have, especially before you take that step of making a tulpa (assuming you're interested in doing so). Tulpamancy can be a delicate process, and it's better to go into it with an understanding of your mental situation (and if you have any pre-existing headmates) than not. (I mean, hey, who knows? Maybe you have some unintentionally created tulpas hanging around your head. Probably best to check before you go making another one, don't you think?)

But, again, even if you're not plural, wanting to be plural isn't rude. Some say it is, but, eh, I don't really agree. I don't think wanting to be plural is the same as erasing our struggles or romanticizing our disorders or whatever. Being plural can be a wonderful thing, and I don't blame anyone for wanting to partake in plural joy. The only thing to consider is that if you're looking to become a created system (a person or system that caused their own plurality), you need to make sure you're prepared and have enough time and patience to manage any hiccups that might come up. For instance, there might be identity confusion or conflicts in the early stages of headmate creation. Tulpamancy resources and spaces typically offer advice on these kinds of troubles, but it's good to go over them and make sure you know what you're getting into before you start. After all, even if a created headmate isn't the same as a baby, bringing someone into this world is still a big commitment. Make sure to make that commitment responsibly.

In short, no, wanting to be plural is not rude. It would be rude to claim our struggles aren't that bad or that a disorder like DID isn't that big of a deal, but wanting to be something that can bring positive change to someone's life is not. You might want to investigate the possibility that you're already plural, but even if you're not, I don't take wanting to be plural – in a way, wanting to be like me – as an insult. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, as they say!

[seedsofagony]

Haganezuka Hotaru A–Z (KnY)

Series: Kimetsu no Yaiba

Characters: Haganezuka Hotaru

Word Count: 1,821

Summary: How does Haganezuka Flirt? What's he like on the Phone? SFW answers from A to Z for @selfloving-shipper's Self Shipping Alphabet: fluff, occasionally suggestive, x reader, modern au, spoiler free

Notes: Forever and unapologetically imagining secondary and tertiary characters ♥ I tried to keep this as gender neutral as possible because everyone should be able to enjoy our hot-headed, not-so-little firefly.

Image Credit: Wtrsnvc

A - Activity what’s something they enjoy doing together?

Haganezuka doesn't really like crowds. He'd much rather spend quiet time alone with you where he can take off his figurative mask. He won't talk much (unless you ask him about work), but he'll enjoy just listening to you chatter away or the moment when your head starts to droop and you lean on him to doze.

B - Bashful what’s something one finds embarrassing about themselves but the other finds adorable?

As the poster boy for the socially inept, Haganezuka is embarrassed by pretty much everything you do—which makes teasing him that much more fun. You'll rib him gently in public and mercilessly at home just to bring out that blush in his cheeks, but there's a limit to how much he'll take before he makes you make good on your word.

C - Calm how do they calm the other down?

The man has no chill, so if you're upset, he's upset. Unfortunately, that also means that you're usually the one doing the calming down—which you do by pushing him into bed, straddling him, then tickling the life out of him.

D - Danger how do they react to finding out the other person is in trouble?

If someone is messing with you—your boss, some rando, doesn't matter—Haganezuka isn't afraid to do anything short of murder, and even that isn't off the table. But if it's something like being stranded with a flat tire, he'll come right away, push up his sleeves, bare those burly arms, and get to work changing it for you.

E - Encourage how do they encourage each other?

Haganezuka believes in you—totally, fully, and without reservation—and he shows it through acts of service. Looming deadline? Your coffee cup will never run dry. Big interview? He scouts the parking situation ahead of time so you don't have to sweat the small stuff. He'll also give you space to focus, but know that he'll be just around the corner, ready to get you whatever you need.

F - Flirt do they flirt? If so how do they flirt?

As someone with almost no game, Haganezuka doesn't really know how to flirt. Playful banter is beyond him, and most of his "sweet nothings" are completely serious and intense. But, sometimes, he'll say something that can be construed as EXXXTREMELY suggestive—it's always completely unwitting and he has no idea why you're looking at him like that.

G - Greetings what was their first meeting like?

The first time you met, he couldn't take his eyes off you—which actually means he was staring at you with intense RBF. He doesn't really remember it that way, though. For him, it was as if nobody else even existed. Sound was muffled, the light was diffuse. It was a canon event.

H - Hungry does one of them cook? What do they do for dinner?

Haganezuka's hyperfixation is just way too strong—when he actually remembers to eat, he's a terrible cook and will just eat whatever's lying around. Actually, it's a little-known fact that the phrase "girl dinner" was invented for him.

I - Imagine what do the imagine their futures together like?

For him, your futures are a collection of everyday moments. The way the sun glints off your hair in the morning. The hustle and bustle as you get ready for the day. The soft brightening of your expression when you see him after work. It's all the little things that add up to make a life.

J - Jealousy do they get jealous easily? What do they do when jealous?

Haganezuka trusts you. He would never doubt you. It's just that he has zero faith in the rest of humanity, and he can't stand when other guys so much as look at you. If the clerk at the checkout is a little too cheerful when he says, "Have a nice day," Haganezuka levels him with a devastating glare and gathers up all your bags with one well-muscled arm just to prove a point: Step off or else.

K - Kissing what is it like kissing them?

Despite having no game, Hagaganezuka is actually a natural when it comes to kissing. He tips your chin, looks into your eyes for a moment, then kisses you fully and deeply. The world seems to stop, and nothing and no one else exists. But if you give him a peck on the cheek? Insta-blush.

L - Love when did they realize they were in love?

They say love at first sight doesn't exist, but it does for Haganezuka. He'd barely even been "in like" before he met you, so when he saw you from across the way, he just knew you were the one.

M - Memories what is one of their favorite memories together?

The day he moved in (because there was no way you were moving into his neglected bachelor pad), you hung a windchime together. He steadied you by the waist as you stood on the ladder. He helped you down, and you slipped your arm around him as you admired your work. The chimes rang together softly, and he felt like he was home.

N - Nickname what are some names they like to call the other?

You're the only person in the world who can call him "Hotaru," but even though you've been together forever, he still stumbles over your first name. The only time it rolls off his tongue is when you're alone together between the sheets.

O - Object what’s something they have that reminds them of the other?

Haganezuka doesn't really like distractions at work, so his desk is pretty spartan. But there is one thing that he always keeps in sight—a fuzzy pompom dango keychain that you gave him when you first got together. It's ridiculous. Each dango has a little smiling face. If anyone asks him about it, he'll tell them, in no uncertain terms, that it's none of their damn business, and when they're gone, he'll bop each dango, one by one, and smile.

P - Phone how often do they talk to each other on the phone or other means of communication?

Haganezuka doesn't really like to talk on the phone, so you won't call him unless it's an emergency. He will text you, though—as long as he isn't working. After a long day, he unlocks his phone to 100 unread messages. He leaves most people on read, but he'll always text you back. It might just be 👍 but you know he cares! He's also the king of autocorrect—ducking Kamado.

Q - Quiver what’s something they do that makes the other flustered?

He hardly knows what to do when you take the lead, whether it's flirting or making love. There's some silly, old-fashioned part of him that thinks, as a man, he should always be the one to initiate. Not that he doesn't enjoy it, though. When his flustered blush fades, it's obvious he enjoys it A LOT.

R - Routine what’s something they do together like clockwork?

You could set your watch to Haganezuka's routine. Every morning, he gets up early, works out, and goes to work. The only thing you can't count on is when he'll be home, but even that's predictable. No matter how late he comes home, though, you always take time to wind down together and talk to each other about your days.

S - Selfies do they like taking pictures together? Do they keep pictures of the other?

Haganezuka really hates having his picture taken and will do anything to avoid it. He also feels awkward taking pictures of you, but he will sometimes snap one when you're not looking. His gallery is mostly selfies you sent to him and 8,000 pictures of his works in progress, plus a ton of totally random screencaps that he will never look at again.

T - Touchy do they like PDA? How do they like to cuddle?

Doing anything more than holding hands in public makes him go beet-red. Even getting to that point was a struggle—you had to graduate from walking next to him to holding the cuff of his sleeve before you could finally entwine your fingers with his. Once you got to that point, though, he wasn't about to let go.

U - Unaccustomed what’s something they had to get used to once they got together?

Haganezuka is an awkward guy and everything about you flusters him—your pretty smile, your hair, that cute outfit you're wearing, the scent of your perfume. You drive him crazy, and he can still hardly believe you're his.

V - Vanished what would they do if the other vanished one day?

If you suddenly vanished, Haganezuka wouldn't know how to go on. He would give up everything to look for you, no matter how long it took. But if HE disappeared… you'd know he just lost track of time and was inadvertently pulling an all-nighter at work.

W - Walk where do they like going together?

There's a nearby park that you love to visit—ambling along the limestone paths, pausing to watch the stream tumble beneath the Japanese-style bridge. But most of all, you love strolling through the tunnel of wisteria trees and stealing a kiss under the curtain of their fragrant purple blossoms.

X - X-ray how do they help the other if they’re sick or tired?

Haganezuka will call off work to take care of you. He'll bring you medicine and a cool drink, and press his forehead to yours to check your fever. Then, he'll look at you, earnest as ever, and tell you he heard—and clearly believes—that if you kiss someone who's sick, you can take their cold away… When he inevitably catches what you have, however, he won't take such good care of himself. He'll wear himself out, refusing to take time off, never taking a break—which means, at some point, he'll collapse and you'll finally be able to return the favor by taking care of him.

Y - Yes who would propose? What would the proposal be like?

You know it would hurt his pride too much if you proposed, but he is definitely taking his time. It's not that he doesn't want to get married. It's just that it's MARRIED. Like, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, and all that. Just the thought of spending the rest of his life with you—it's almost too much to imagine. When he finally does pop the question, it will be with fierce determination and an adorably bright red blush.

Z - Zzz how do they sleep together?

Haganezuka is the big spoon to your little spoon, and he'll stay that way all night, hugging you protectively against his chest. If you try to get up before him (which almost never happens), you'll have a hard time extricating yourself. Every time you loosen his arms just a little, he tightens his grip, pulling you back to bed in his sleep. At least, you're pretty sure he's still asleep…

[sometimeswritingsometimesdying]

What's this Fence comic you're posting about? The art and the passion have got me intrigued.

ohohohohoho you don't know what floodgates you've just opened.

so basically it's a series of graphic novels (and 2 novels) detailing the life and times of nicholas cox, who is the illegitimate son of a US fencing champion and wants to become the best at the sport to be noticed by his father, but also its INSANELY gay and full of both sillies and angst and like gay people being crazy about having a crush

the main ship is between nicholas and his rival seiji katayama who is this perfectionist, overachieving (in my opinion) complex character with a dramatic backstory who doesn't really care for nicholas all that much UNTIL they end up being roommates (!!!!!). it's basically set up to be a rivals to lovers but since theres like 4 volumes a year its the slowest slowburn i've ever read. seiji is also my personal favorite character so im kind of insane about him. im also insane about nicholas but like in a hes so me way yk?

then you have like every other ship dynamic imaginable: childhood friends with seemingly unrequited love who try to ignore their feelings for each other, sunshine little dude and giant who doesn't talk to anyone, over-protective and super-supportive boyfriend with quiet, studious partner who has to keep him in line, and one that isn't really confirmed but i personally think it's gonna be canon: enthusiastic jock who loves his friends vs spoiled rich kid who is actually incredibly lonely (i hope they head this way with his characterization but i feel like we haven't seen enough). and all of them are queer!

it's also obviously a sports series, and as a fencer it's the first time i've seen the, i think, very complex dynamics that exist in this sport portrayed so well!!! i definitely identify with the characters a lot and i think they're easy to get attached to, and i feel like the sport is also well explained (except my qualms with the epeè slander, it's the best weapon). the writing is also witty and just plain fun. i know i focus a lot on ships here but there's truly a lot to mine about the importance of sports and team efforts and the relationship an athlete can cultivate with their desire to win that can either be positive or turn sour. or maybe i'm just hyperfixating

either way, if you have the chance, i'd definitely check it out!!! it's gotten me back into writing and has me in a chokehold rn. i love all the characters and theres a LOT of amazing works of writing and art in this tiny but mighty fandom!!!

[magical-regical]

Continuing my L&DS hyperfixation but also because Owl City just released a new single, here are some owl city songs that remind me of each LI and Caleb

Go under the cut if you want some extremely long commentary on why I picked the songs I did. If you don't care what I have to say, please peruse this TLDR;

Xavier: If My Heart Was a House

Zayne: Car Trouble

Rafayel: My Muse, Rainbow Veins

Caleb: Hot Air Balloon, The Bird and The Worm

Ah you're still here. A few disclaimers before you continue:

Whenever I mention MC in this, I will be using she/her pronouns.

I haven't listened to every owl city song in existence and some songs didn't stick with me the way the songs listed here did so if you think my takes are garbage and I'm a big dumb stupid idiot for not considering the song you're thinking of, uh, feel free to make your own post abt it.

I know sweet f a abt music theory so I'm just going based off vibes and lyrics not composition.

I haven't read Xavier's or Zayne's myth stories to completion and haven't read Rafayel's at all.

Anyway, without further ado, enjoy my lukewarm takes.

Xavier

This song makes me so soft and it's way too easy to imagine Xavier and MC dancing to this. The first lines sound like he's reminiscing of the time he had with MC in her past lives,

You're the sky that I fell through, and I remember the view whenever I'm holding you

The sun hung from a string, looking down on the world as it warmed over everything.

Chills run down my spine as our fingers entwine and your sighs harmonize with mine.

Unmistakably, I can still feel your heart beat fast when you dance with me.

He pulls her in closer as the first pre-chorus plays. And the two pre-chorus' in this song sound like a conversation between him and his memory of past!MC.

The first one:

We got older and I should've known,

Do you feel alive?

That I'd feel colder when I walk alone

Oh, but you'll survive

The second one:

I walk slowly when I'm on my own

Do you feel alive?

Yea but frankly, I still feel alone.

Oh, but you'll survive

And then the chorus hits and the vibes are immaculate. It feels like you're floating on air and imagine how Xavier looks at MC when the last few lines play,

Risk it all 'cuz I'll catch you if you fall,

Wherever you go,

If my heart was a house, you'd be home.

Because she is the celestial body that orbits around him, his north, his guiding star, and his heart will always be her home.

Zayne

And you can't convince me this isn't one of the songs that plays at their wedding.

This is the catalyst of this post's creation. As of writing this, it's the newest single and I am obsessed with it. So strap in folks, I have a lot to say.

First of all, the first thirty seconds of this song was released as a preview titled 'Floppy Fish' that came out ten years ago and we didn't hear anything else about it until suddenly we get a tweet about it four days ago (as of writing this part) and then this masterpiece. I think it reflects Zayne and MCs relationship quite well, they were childhood friends, lost contact for a while, and now they're reunited to build another beautiful relationship.

On to the song itself, the overall song is about going back to see the person you love even through all sorts of car troubles. The car theme immediately screamed 'Zayne' to me because out of all the boys we see him drive MC around the most.

It's a very upbeat song which contrasts Zayne's stoic personality but the whole song is something I can imagine actually happening to him.

I see the first verse as Zayne trying his damndest to finish up work instead of having actual car troubles,

I've been driving all afternoon, but I hate to say it, I won't be there soon = him working all afternoon and still having to do overtime

And though I'm late you know I just can't wait to come home to my slice of heaven on toast.

But my GrandPrix broke down without fail, another flat tire and another nail = the 'tire' being the hearts he has to operate on and 'another nail' referring to his surgeon's tools (even though the nail in the song is the thing that broke the tire in the first place not the thing fixing the flat)

I miss your smile but this could take a while 'cause this 'road closed' sign says there's no way around. = he can't just ditch work, obviously.

The second verse and chorus is him actually running out of gas on his way back from Akso and just describes his situation. Walking through the rain, only stopping to buy flowers for her.

Hey, it's kinda crazy what daisies jasmines can do.

And then these lines from the third verse,

I'd hand you a coffee right when you woke up

and

... all I find is all these highways wind and lead back to my slice of heaven on toast.

are so cute. Especially the 'slice of heaven on toast' thing since I imagine a slice of heaven on toast would taste sweet.

But wait, it gets better. Because the chorus that comes after goes,

Oh would your heart kind of glow if I held your hand and I promised to stay home?

Hey, when I blow in that's the first thing I'll do

It might take me forever

It might take me forever

But I love you forever and I can't wait to see you.

I'm dead. I'm deceased. I am a puddle of goo on the ground.

The bridge is the most upbeat part of the song and I imagine that's when he gets a call from MC because she's worried about him. Because honestly the line, 'Am I unavoidably detained or extremely fashionably late?' sounds like the kind of dry humor he'd enjoy.

And the song ends as he hangs up and continues his long journey on public transport to come home to her.

Rafayel

Now, fish boy gets two songs because I associate each one with what I like to call 'light mode' and 'dark mode' Rafayel.

I chose both songs because they had like, a lot of imagery involved in them and lean heavily into his whole artist job. So this isn't going to be as in depth as Zayne's lol.

Anyway,

This is light mode Rafayel. The whole song is him talking to MC. He's all happy-go-lucky and filled with inspiration. With how important color is to his current career the song just felt perfect.

The chorus also adds a few nice tidbits of his character,

Cheer up and dry your damp eyes, and tell me when it rains

And I'll blend up that rainbow above you and shoot it through your veins

'Cause your heart has a lack of color and we should've known

That we'd grow up sooner or later, 'cause we wasted all our free time alone

The first two lines sound like something he'd actually say when he's trying to comfort MC.

The line 'we wasted all our free time alone' sticks out to me because you ever notice this guy doesn't have any friends? Like, Xavier has Jeremiah and the countless old people he's made friends with when they're in their youth and Zayne has his coworkers at the hospital and his old profs. Raffy doesn't really have anyone like that? Sure he has Thomas and his Aunt Talia but judging by how fast they hung up on him after barely wishing him a happy birthday, I can't in good conscience call them his friends.

So yea maybe our boy was so focused on finding MC again he wasted all his free time alone.

Then we have dark mode Rafayel. And no I don't mean dark as in Rafayel when he's in revenge plot mode (whatever that is I don't have enough brain cells to comprehend what his plan could possibly be). I mean dark mode as in it's quite literally night time and he is left with nothing but his own thoughts. MC fell asleep at his place again and he's wistfully staring at her sleeping figure. This is the song in those moments.

Like Xavier, he's reminiscing about the past lives and past MCs. He's remembering the first time he met and the moment he decided she was the one. She was his bride. He's listing all the things he loves about her (which basically boils down to 'everything!'). She is his muse, now and forever.

And then the song ends with:

So I'll say it now before we're at the door that someday we'll walk through,

And if I'm the only one left in the room...

There's nowhere else I'd rather be than home with you.

Do you hear that? That's the sound of my heart cracking in two. He will sing you this last line as he pulls you closer, pressing your forehead against his before giving you a nice, long kiss.

Honorable mention goes to the song 'Sunburn' because it's about meeting someone, falling in love, and having to separate in the end (hence, 'she got a tan and I got a sunburn' and 'as we parted ways, she held my gaze and left an imprint on my mind'). I could go deeper and analyze each line like I did w/ Zayne but I've kept the Caleb girlies waiting long enough so we'll stop Raffy's part here.

Caleb

Caleb also gets two songs I chose two songs that have heavy 'childhood friends to lovers' vibes and fitting imagery and I told myself this one was gonna be short and sweet because we don't have as much depth abt his relationship w/ the MC compared to the current LIs but welp, I lied.

'Hot Air Balloon' is the most childhood friends song ever. Every single lyric is just every adventure these two went on when they were children. Writing their own fairy tales, making a racetrack around the kitchen chairs, going on a picnic to a nearby lake and getting a stomachache because you drank lake water even though Grandma Josephine told you specifically not to do that, the list just goes on and on.

It's them. It's little MC and Caleb with lightning in their veins and stars in their eyes as they explore the world around them, not a care in the world because the possibilities are quite literally endless when they have the other person by their side.

And then if 'Hot Air Balloon' was 'childhood friends—', 'The Bird And The Worm' adds on the '—to lovers' part of the trope.

I mean the entire first verse reads like the two kids playing pretend (because let's face it you've had one or two weirdly morbid play pretend sessions when you were a kid) with little Caleb saying he's the bird because of his evol and then little MC's like "then what does that make me?" And little Caleb's like "you're the worm ofc!"

Esp the part about throwing a party and greeting undersea friends (hi Raffy). I could imagine little MC telling little Caleb how she's going to invite the mermaid she made friends with at the beach to their 'party' and Caleb just not having any of it.

I'll throw a party and greet my undersea friends

(it depends)

As they arrive,

(if they arrive)

Then the chorus reads like a time skip. They're adults reminiscing about their childhood at one of the rare moments their schedules align,

You and I left our troubles far behind,

But I still have just one more question on my mind

For all my pals who live in the oceans and the seas

With friends like these well, who needs enemies?

In that moment they're back to being just MC and Caleb, not a hunter and a fighter pilot. And the last two lines sound like they're trading workplace gossip. Caleb tells her about the shenanigans his colleagues get up to and MC telling him about all the...'quirky' people she's been running into (hi Xav) and then being cheeky and going 'with friends like these, who needs enemies?'

And then you move to the second verse and it's them on a date. It's them on the most damn wholesome date you can imagine, I'm sorry I don't make the rules.

Like first they go apple picking,

If I'm your boy, we'll take a short cut we remember and we'll enjoy—

—picking apples in late September like we've done for years.

We'll take a long walk through the cornfield and I'll kiss you between the ears.

Then they come home and cook together (maybe make a pie with the apples they just picked or some other apple based dish?),

And as we twirl, the glow in the dark stars on your ceiling will shine for us

If you're my girl, swirl me around your room with feeling

As love sweeps over the room cuz' we tend to make, each other blush

(you make me blush)

They're so used to each other's presence even in a kitchen that can be considered a little cramped, they can perfectly navigate around each other.

After the two had eaten a delicious dinner, they are now cuddled on the couch with a blanket over the two of them, some movie playing on the TV. MC starts nodding off so Caleb picks her up and moves her to the bedroom, letting her snuggle against him. He brushes some loose strands of hair away so he can kiss her forehead,

"Love ya pipsqueak, sleep well."

And before drifting off he hears MC mumble a sleepy "I love you too..."

And that's how their perfect day ends.

You're the bird, I'm the worm and it's plain to see,

That we were meant to be.

----------------------------------------------------------

Author's rambling

Haaaa, I finally finished it yay! If you're reading this, thanks for reading this far! (or if you're a Caleb stan and just decided to read his part only, hello!)

I hope you enjoyed my takes. This was fun, I loved breaking down each song and just rambling my heart out over why each song gives me vibes for which character.

[kayakoto-enterprises]

She Loves You (2/2)

Cathedrals are everywhere for the eyes to see.

Thank you all for being patient with how long this took! Happy 2nd month, House Guest! This crazy hyperfixation has me holding on and recovering from everything.

Read the 1st part and the Midfic to fully understand everything going on here.

In which our beloved couple present themselves happily long before they need to defend their existence to their imagined public.

December 12, 1987

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You want to look up and pretend it isn't snowing. you want to see the autumn sky again but no. It's flat. It's a pastel lavender. And the weather freezes everyone's paws as they read the morning paper. You're unwrapping this notebook that's been sitting snuggly in the wrapper for the new season. and as you transfer important notes and numbers from the old book, a pink sticky note has her name and telephone number on it. It was only yesterday when you first called but the numbers are already burnt into your mind. Then your eyes look at the clock, monitoring the hours, scratching in impatience, anticipating…

Then you realise what’s happening. You thought that you had kept her at arms-length, close enough but not comfortable. You kept most people at a distance but not her. She begins to tap dangerously close into your mind and you can only shut down to prevent any more ideas from flowing. But she’s multiplying, burrowing everywhere you can hide. How annoying.

Then you may stop to think to yourself: “Is it likely that I’m falling in love again?” Again? Since when have I loved someone? Like Lola? I’m not too sure if there’s a calibre we can weigh the intensity on. Maybe a heart attack, but I never had any of those either. In any case though, I don’t believe I do that sort of thing. The feeling is far distant from it. I could say that I love different things- like the autumn breeze, black coffee with hazelnuts, or the feeling of control. Those are just extreme expressions we throw around. Nothing else special. 

I walked out of the shop expecting a yellow sky but it was still covered in lavender. The feeling was beginning to make me go mad. Dressing up in new garb, looking directly at myself in confused rage. I’ve had this conversation before. I like women. I prefer women. I am not above killing them though. But love knows its ways around me. I’m blushing. I’m fixating on every clumsy sign of affection she shows me. Her kind gestures. Her smile. The way she scrunches her face when her glasses begin to slip. Her unusual voice. I’m beginning to feel it again. A quickened heartbeat. The blurry vision. Sweaty palms. Slurred thoughts.

Maybe I do.

Then she shakes my shoulder when she finds me sitting near the ticket booth with my arms crossed. I sit up properly taking a good look at her. Julianne finally wore her glasses outside, the red frames matching a ribboned top. It was something a little nicer than any of her usual outfits. I curiously wondered though who was inside the silver locket she was wearing.

“Hi, I’m sorry if I kept you waiting.”

“No, you aren’t late at all.” I replied “It’s not even 4 yet but let’s hurry. I have a secret to show you in here.”

Her ears popped up hearing the invitation. She nodded and followed behind me when I bought our tickets and made our way into the cinema. The theatre lights were still on, but as to be expected, there were handfuls of families crowding the theatre this Saturday. Thankfully seats 6 and 7 on Row L were empty and everyone else was courteous enough to not surround our bubble as badly as they could have. 

“Don’t tell anyone about this spot.” I whispered “This has the best view in the cinema even on a packed night.”

Her eyes instead focus on the architectural quirks and details swirling around the space, drawn immediately to the gold cat centrepiece hanging above the screen. She looks back at me and nods.

 “It is…seems just right in the middle..” Her voice tones down to a shy whisper. She rubs her hand on the plush of the velvet seat. The lights dim and the projection begins. The doors are closed for the next hour. Time was moving slower in that red box. I could barely focus on the movie. I know I’ve seen it before somewhere. Julianne on the other hand had her eyes focused on every minute and every detail. She was holding back her excitement to not be so rude. The entire time I was squinting, making out her face in the dark and she only caught me staring once just to tell me her favourite scene was coming up. I forced myself to look at the screen, avoiding suspicion but my hands wandered, landing on top of hers, comfortably sliding my fingers between the gaps, neither of us aware what we were doing to one another.

I could not resist it. My signals were jammed, and they were all directing me to hold her hand or her arms the entire time. I regained autonomy when I asked myself if I could take it a step further. Then the excitement of momentum drowned. 

Julianne continued to hold my hand though even outside the theatre an hour later, humming the songs happily and swaying her arms.

“Hey Julianne, your glasses are fogged.”

“Aw, are they? Thanks.” She let go and grabbed a napkin to clean them up.

She leaned her head on my arm, purring as we continued walking downtown to her apartment. Lively Saturday nights have returned slowly but surely. Christmas lights and displays illuminated the stores around each corner, decorated with trinkets or dioramas of religious imagery. Julianne would stop every now and then to admire a few of them. 

“Thanks for taking me to see Annie tonight. You really didn’t have to.” 

“It’s my pleasure. I don’t know what to do with myself on December nights. Everyone is either out of town or closed early.”

“Everyone is home in December where I’m from. Woodbrook would be twice as busy. Everything would be open til 11!”

I gently smile.

“Oh, I should make it up to you..uhm..do you like magic shows? Not the birthday party sort of ones, the ones that are a lil more mature.” Julianne asks almost excitedly “It’s more of a comedy thing than it is kiddie entertainment. I could take you with me..”

“I’m sorry, I don’t. It’s not my cup of tea.” I said between half-gritted teeth, feeling awful for rejecting the offer. 

“Well, is there any hobby you have that we can do together? Something we can do over the weekend?” Julianne begins insisting. 

“I don’t really have a lot. I’m getting old, so maybe woodwork but most of my hobbies are solitary”

“We can always meet at the library then. I don’t mind. Also, have you eaten dinner? Do you want to go out? I’ll pay tonight since you paid for the tickets.”

I struggled to reply to that. I really had no appetite today. Maybe a few pieces of bread would do today but the thought of the movie meet up tonight weighed upon my head even after the fact, I had lost the will to. I shook my head. 

I’ve been down this road before.

Except she was a lot more merciful in her methods. She left disappointed but she at least understood when to stop pushing my buttons.

“I’m being so pushy, am I? I don’t want to force you to do anything. You’re just so nice to me. I also wanna be nice to you.” She frowns, wrapping her tail around her waist for her to fidget with. We stop at the entrance of the red building. She looks back at me and slowly blinks.

“I’ll leave it at that for now. You really should eat dinner though. Thank you!”

I stood at the doorway for longer than I would have liked to admit.

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December 15, 1987

Last night, Woodbrook experienced its first gleanings of winter. This morning, my driveway was covered in snow. I figured that I should get the front of the house and shop cleared up as early as now to avoid delaying opening. And so I was up since 5, shovelling through snow and greeting school children before it was time I drove to town to do more of the same. 

Coming into the town proper, an alarm bell began ringing in my mind- it was calling for me to look around. I did not understand what I was watching for suddenly. There were no signals in the snow this morning. From the reflection on the glass though was a bright rose parka that my eyes followed into the corner to the church. Nobody else wears that bright of a color here.

Following the butterfly into the pews, I hung my head low and pretended to have a reason to be there. She was seated rows away from me, spending 20 more minutes praying the rosary. She broke out of that solemness and looked around her, turning her back and finally acknowledging my presence. Her cheeks warmed up as she smiled then hid her blushing as she quickly got up and signalled I should follow her. 

“Did..did anyone see that?”

“See what?”

“See me…”

I playfully wrapped my arm around her shoulder. Her cheek got redder, cautiously looking around the street for any onlookers. 

“Most people can’t put up a fight about it. Cut it out.” I reassured her “Wanna get a chocolate at Betsy’s?”

“I’m fine, I’ll be making pancakes at home. Do you want to come with me?”

We looked at a clock inside the still closed stationery store. It was 7 in the morning. The storefront was already clean anyway. 

“I’ll help cook them with you. I’m glad you asked, ‘cause I haven’t eaten anything since 5.”

“Five? I’ve been in church since five. It’s the first snow too.” She was holding out her tongue to taste the snow. 

“Yeah, just clearing out my road, and you don’t have work today?”

“Woodbrook Elementary suspended classes today due to how intense the snow was last night. I also thought that, yknow, 10 days til Christmas. Isn’t there a vigil mass leading up to Christmas at the start of the day? Guess not.” She was talking her head off, eyes still looking behind us. The church had long disappeared into the horizon and she was still distracting me from actually asking what I had come there for.

“No, they don’t. But there is a mass during Christmas Eve. Do you want us to go together?”

“No, no, no, no, I don’t..want to..go to Mass..going with..I’m just saying God would know I’m coming there with impure intentions or what have you.”

Her eyes avert away from where we’re walking and she tries to let go of the grip I have on her. I just continue to hold her closer. The heat in between us was already far too comfortable to let go of. She tried again and my hand just lowered itself to where it was holding her hip.

“No, I’m not letting you go, we still have a block away to walk. Nobody is out here anyway.”

It was an unusually empty Tuesday morning. Half the stores on this avenue were shut down and the foggy air obscured whatever might just be waking up right now. Everything was washed in cream and blues that Christmas ornaments and lights would cut through later in the day. But it was 7 in the morning. To the two of us, this could have been a 3 pm on any other season. 

“It’s safe for two girls or guys to hold hands at least here. Anything other than that is a gamble. I don’t think anyone has any balls in them to punch anyone over what we’re doing right now.”

“I mean..we’re just friends though, right?” Julianne quickly corrected me.

“Of course, of course. That’s why I was thinking if we could attend mass together then we’ll have Christmas dinner. How does that sound?”

“You’re Catholic too?”

I could feel myself trying to not burst into laughter at her silly question. That’s the worst you could assume of me. 

“Sorta” I lied.

“Then we can, as..you know..friends..and you just don’t have to look at me during Mass but..”

“Julianne, don’t think about the Mass part, think of what we’ll do when we get back to my house–” I held my breath and thoughtfully constructed what I would say next “-- What food we’re gonna be eating or what drinks I should prepare..do you drink alcohol? No, bad question, do you have an allergy somewhere? Are you okay with salmon steak for us both..?”

Julianne pulled out her keys when we got to the lobby of the apartment building, eyes following us to the room at the top of the complex.

“I do love salmon, what if we bake it though with buttered vegetables and cheese?”

Her face was red and warm, a hand similarly holding on to the small of my back in front of more people than she worried about. She excitedly talked about what she could cook for the night or what we’d be doing after.

The rosary on her neck heard every intention and desire regardless.

They know. And they’re rewarding her for it.

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December 25, 1987

“I told you” She whispered “Don’t look at me during the Mass.”

“Where else was I supposed to look?”

“I don’t know…the altar?” Julianne pouted again. She toyed with the silver heart on her chest since we got inside the truck. 

We were stuck in the traffic between the busiest roads in town. New cars were flowing in and out of town for vacation while most were rushing home for dinner or their reservations. Last year I spent the day in bed, watching movies alone, and hiding from the world. I was still well fed by at least three families sending me everything I wanted. I was eating a casserole and cookies under my table waiting for Spring. I did miss the formality of the night though. I used to spend it with the Albrights for over two decades. Now with them away, I was getting calls from all around town to stay over. But the message was clear this year. Julianne placed her hands back on the handles of her tupperware when the light turned green.

“It’s so nice that you made that baked salmon too. You didn’t need to.”

“You just wouldn’t tell me what else I could do for you after Annie. It’s all I can do.”

Regardless, I was fine with returning routine back into my holiday schedule. I was wandering in the dark again earlier this year, trailing off of last year’s habits. I remember I still absentmindedly bought a certain somebody’s favorite cakes on a Monday afternoon for what was our afternoon tea time. Luckily, I now had someone at awe of such simple treats like raspberry tarts. Her tail was happily straightened up admiring the gussied-up kitchen. A table for two, sharing two big casseroles of food, strawberry shortcake, raspberry tarts, and a whole bottle of wine. She straightened her white dress, looking back to me to politely gesture we take a seat.

“As friends, right?”

“To my dearest friend, Julianne.”

I know she doesn’t only think of me as her friend.

I’m a special case. An eyecatcher. And then a crush. Then a friend. Now her first suitor. 

She’s crawling inside and finding her space.

Her hand rests on top of mine as we eat.

Many, many more wordless gestures.

The lamb rests inside comfortably.

I could lock it inside now.

But when her eyes curiously glance over to mine, the pressure drops and I feel similarly airy. A fever rushes back to me. The feelings become reciprocal for a glean of a second.

It’s poisoning us both.

This Christmas I watched a girl put a whole strawberry in her mouth. Then she helped me wash the dishes and pack away the Christmas garb on my dining table. For one night I was not angry. I felt fine. I felt fuzzy around her.

She gave me a few new shirts and hid stickers at the bottom of the box because she noticed I had this notebook with me all the time.

I hid one of my old sweaters in between the folds of the dress I bought for her.

In the safety of my house, just before she left, I asked her to come closer when I began thanking her for coming over. I lost focus of what I was intending on doing then leaned over and kissed her forehead before telling her to run along now. It looked like she wanted to reciprocate back but she walked away from my porch with her hand on her head. 

If I was thinking clearly, I may have asked her to be mine instead.

But some things take time, right?

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January 1st, 1988

I wondered where she was last night. I called her up in the morning of the eve, then the afternoon, and later left a message on her machine instead the minute a new year passed. My eyes were always looking for her. She had to be wearing any sort of shade of pink or red. Rose was absent from the crowd of onlookers tonight. Last night I only looked at the display with a solemn emptiness. I figured that maybe Julianne would have preferred a plain sky. When the smoke cleared, I looked up to see her windows shut. Her lights were still on but not even a hint like the sound of my keys prompted her to open them.

But I could feel myself develop a dependence on her presence in an environment ever since. I see flowers spelling her initials or colors I’ve sworn looked out of place in a town dull without eccentricity. And even before anything was finalized, I was asked- “where’s Julianne?” by at least 3 people.

I guess we go in pairs now.

I couldn’t be embarrassed about it anymore. It was my lifestyle now, knocking on their door to come inside the red bricked apartment. It’s like they were almost expecting me, telling me she’s been in her apartment since December 30th. I’ll admit, I began to worry when I got to her front door. I was imagining the poor girl depressed on the floor. But when she opened the door, she just sighed in relief and told me to get inside as soon as possible. She was feeling a bit jumpy, she described staying far, far away from the windows as possible. The sound of firecrackers and fireworks startled the poor kitten. It was not isolation but caution.

Fireworks displays were anxiety inducing to her. She voluntarily hid away from the parade to keep her peace of mind.

“And yet…” Julianne whispered to herself “...people were still looking for me.”

“You’re already such an integral part of the town. People are going to go look for you.” 

“Days ago, I was approached by Guy near his store, and he confidently called me ‘Amy’.”

“But have you heard what they’re calling you, though? Like Pinky. Pinky is a popular nickname now.” I chuckled.

“Pinky…”

“I’m sure they all understand.”

“But were you disappointed I wasn’t there?”

“I guess I was. But you should just tell me fireworks freak you out sometimes..”

She wrapped her arms around me in loving suggestion, almost immediately retracting before resting on my chest fully.

“I heard there’ll be another fireworks show over at the edge of Centerville though… if you want to watch something with me tonight..”

“I’m fine..let’s just stay where we are.”

“Stay…” She echoed back to me, crawling closer and closer.

“You’re so close now, woah, what’s going on?”

“I’m not sure either. Do you?”

She sits herself on my thigh, arms wrapped around my shoulders as she lightly imitates initiation. She couldn’t keep a straight face though.

“Stay and watch the stars with me later.”

I tilted my head in flustered confusion. Sure I will. At least by now the smoke has settled. She slips her glasses off and leans into me, taking the initiation to kiss me first. 

The jumpiness transfers, shaking from her hand to mine to everybody. The burning and the electricity. How shocking. 

She loves me.

[nerdylittleguy]

Transformers Earthspark theory - how Knockout could actually be Mr Smelt

....or ideas about it, anyway. Enjoy my observations!

So uhh here's where the neurodivergent urge to consume media and hyperfixate on it has lead me! Please, feast your eyes on my flow chart/ mind map of madness™.

I know the text is really small, if you click and zoom it could be easier to read. I did try to split the original image into quarters, hope that makes it a little easier to read. However, if anyone needs a transcript I'll do my best to sort it out, my only concern is that I have no clue how to link ideas if they're just bullet points (the idea of having a way to link ideas is what lead me to make this in this format :) )

Perhaps a bit of an explanation as to what lead to this?

A few weeks ago, I saw the Earthspark season 1 part 2 trailer and hey... Who's that?? Breakdown?? Of course, I immediately wanted to watch what existed of the series so far, and imagine my pleasant surprise when I heard Knock Out's (tfp) VA voiced a side character!

Anyway, I started watching the series, finished it in 3 days, cried tears of happiness over Nightshade's pronouns (for those of you who say representation doesn't matter, it does. You probably just feel represented), fell in love with Megatron, etc etc. But imagine my absolute, brain-rotting madness when I couldn't find episode 7 on youtube!

Meh, like that would stop my theory brain. Using various episode summaries I found on youtube (first and foremost this one, as it was short and had good attention to detail! But if anyone has any recommendations for other good summaries feel free to let me know), I started to slowly make a mindmap. That evening I found @transformers-earthspark's blog and the where-to-watch resources... Firefly I cannot thank you enough!!! You're literally amazing!! You have no idea how happy I was to find ep 7!! You do so much, give yourself a pat on the back and a nice snack :))

Anyways, armed with my new access to ALL the earthspark episodes (1 - 10, anyway, as only they are available atm), I remade some of my mindmap, added to it, made more points. Over the last few weeks (aka less than two) I polished my mindmap, did some colour-coding, added images, links, details etc until it could apparently fit on an A3 sheet?? What??? So many ideas from silly old me??

Obviously, I don't think I'm completely right. As a matter of fact, I think I made many assumptions and links that were a very big stretch (blame this overactive imagination of mine. I keep thinking of potential plot lines and then forgetting that actually, I made them up and they're not canon). However, I hope I made a few points that will inspire someone to make their own theories, or just have fun thinking!

Apologies if this all sounds garbled or if it's difficult to understand, I am tired and I have two languages running around in my head (that I'm fluent in, I've also tried to learn 5 others. Lingual hell!!!)

Have a good day/ night and enjoy the theories!

Also a quick note and thing to add: I wrote this on Monday the 27th (I draft just about everything in my notes ok), before I woke up on Tuesday and saw the new images from the episodes, including the one with Breakdown!! AHHH!! /pos So I guess I was right about something? And I mean... Breakdown and a theme of racing in one episode? If this is a coincidence and Knockout is not chilling somewhere in the background then I don't know what to say.

[bread-tab]

"stop making [media] your whole personality"

ah... okay. yes. so.

first off:

there's this neurodivergent thing, where you use an interest as a filter for processing the world.

for some people that is called a "special interest," for others with different needs it is more of a "hyperfixation;" there are far more variations than i (or the field of psychology) know how to describe now. if you want to understand the difference there are people who can explain those variations better than me. but i can tell you what it feels like.

you discover something.

it doesn't matter what it is; you find something that speaks to you, something you can connect to, and it becomes a bubble of safe habitat from which you can rest from and explore and connect to all the other parts of this strange chaotic world.

a source of joy. a source of illumination.

it's like you're a person who has lived all their life in dark caves and you find something that glows.

these interests can be anything.

(literally anything; i personally derive meanings that you could never imagine from ✨ drainage ditches. ✨)

but very often, they are stories. tv shows, books, movies, comics, songs, podcasts, minecraft improv streams, cartoons, web serials, whatever

these things are:

tangible. you can hold them in your hands, replay them, turn on the subtitles, take screenshots, read the sheet music

and yet

real. they form a genuine connection from your (isolated, untranslatable) internal world to other (formerly unknowable) people and the rest of the universe

they create meaningfulness

and they exist because humans find these incredibly effective soul-deep ways of communicating to one another.

now, appreciating stories, that's not a neurodivergent thing. that's a human thing.

the point of relevance here is that experiencing an extreme love for stories is a neurodivergent thing.

it's a very common neurodivergent trait which often gets mocked, portrayed as childish, and used as a pretext for infantilization and bullying.

(and it is also a trait of young people in general, to take stories very seriously in a way that looks silly to adults, and that is something that many people (regardless of age) try to bully out of each other.

what good is that doing anyone?)

"stop making [x] your whole personality"

listen, you. get down off that goddamn embankment and climb down into this ditch with me. dip your toes in this oily water. watch the stars and city lights ripple into constellations you've never seen

now look me in the eye

you need to understand that no matter what lowbrow, cringey, problematic or otherwise not-to-your-tastes drivel you might be complaining about today,

you are talking about the phenomenon of creativity

you are talking about a transcendent catalyst of human emotion

and yes that includes the overmilked disney franchises, it includes the formulaic shippy fanfictions, it includes whatever brightly-colored cartoon this website is obsessed with this year (and will be having incredibly dramatic meltdowns over next year), it includes the cheesy action movies and the fanservicey anime and the badly-designed video games and the milquetoast tiktok "literature", it includes the indistinguishable scribbles of some random five-year-old and/or famous fine artist and/or precocious elephant

i get it. you care about real life and touching grass and shit. you have taste. just take the stilts off your horse for a second, okay?

i know you're probably sick of "let people like things" discourse

i would just like for you to stop for a second and take a deep breath, and let the stench of whatever is in this mud puddle wash over you (yeah i know, ew, but you'll be fine) and consider

what is so bad about having a cringey personality, anyway?

and maybe you will think better of making "stop making [some silly moment in the universe] your personality" into your personality and maybe you will come off as a little bit less of a snob/ableist/ass and maybe you will have a slightly better outlook on life among humans.

that's all. yeah you can get out of the gutter now. thank you for coming to my ted talk—

ooh wait, look, a bottle cap

[siren-serotonin]

SLIGHT PJSK (main story) AND PJO/HOO SPOILERS(?)

So!! As some of you may be aware.. I love pjsk. In case you didn't know, I love pjsk. I also love pjo and hoo. And last night I when I should've been sleep, I was fucking PUNCHED by both hyperfixations at the same time and then I started wondering what it'd be like if pjsk characters were demigods and/or Hunters of Artemis. This is that post. Feel free to ignore, I just need to infodump lmao

Mafuyu is a daughter of Jupiter. Jupiter's children are often set unrealistically high expectations, which causes them to be terrified of failure and slowly crumble under the stress. This can be seen with Jason during his time as praetor, on the Argo II, etc. In Mafuyu's case, her mother and the majority of her peers all expect her to excel in everything she does. Do you see where I'm going with this. Yeah okay. Anyway she's specifically a child of Jupiter and not Zeus because the gods are stricter in their Roman aspects and Mafuyu was raised by a strict parent. Also I think she'd either be a praetor or join the Hunters of Artemis.

Airi and Mizuki could both very much be children of Aphrodite. Airi because her whole "the most important thing in an idol is the heart" thing breaks so many Aphrodite kid stereotypes and I love it. She would so teach others that there's more to Aphrodite than being a toxic person (cough cough Drew cough Cheerful*Days) and I love her for that. Mizuki is here because they have trouble expressing themself freely and finding out that Aphrodite is their mother could help them figure stuff out?? Maybe?? Idk man. Also TRANS APHRODITE KID LETS GO!!! I think that they can both charmspeak but choose not to unless like their fucking lives depend on it.

Shiho is a child of Hades. Hades' kids are shunned and often misunderstood, which reminds me of how Shiho is mischaracterized in the fandom a lot. Also the way she acts reminds me of Nico. "I'm fine on my own" NO YOU'RE NOT!!!

Tsukasa, Saki, Toya and Kanade are all children of Apollo. Do I even have to explain for Tsukasa? He is the most theatre kid to ever exist, literally who else would be his godly parent???? Toya would be the most unconventional son of Apollo ever. Imagine him being like "no dad fuck you and your instruments im gonna be a street musician" and Apollo's just like "yeah go piss girl idc music is music" it's so funny to me omg. Kanade's whole self-sacrifice complex + composer thing?? She is THE daughter of Apollo (sorry Kayla). I feel like Toya would be a praetor if Roman Apollo was his dad but idk just a hunch. Kanade is literally Will Solace if he was musically gifted (Will I'm joking ily). Saki is here because I didn't know where else to put her and I'd feel bad if I separated the Tenma siblings.

Ena is a daughter of Ares. I can't quite explain this one, but Ena wanting her dad's approval of her being an artist reminds me of Clarisse a lot for some reason?? She could also be a child of Apollo but I already put four characters there sooooooo yeah

Rui the most son of Hephaestus EVER. "I'm not good with organic life forms" is such a Rui line oml. The automatons?? The mechanic shit?? ROBO-NENE. Do you see my vision. I want Rui and Leo to be friends so bad augh.

Nene could be a daughter of Poseidon because she has mermaid imagery, aside from that idk.

I think Minori could be a daughter of Iris since she's underrated (similar to how Iris is underappreciated/a minor goddess) and Minori + Iris both strongly believe in hope.

Besides Mafuyu, I think Honami and Shizuku could be Hunters of Artemis. As I'm typing this, I just realised that the april fools Meru trio are all Hunters asdfghgfdghj

A lot of characters were left out because I didn't know who their parents could be but if anyone has headcanons pls put them in the replies or tags!! Thank you for coming to my ted talk, goodbye.

[lunamiuna-the-curious-fella]

Ok so, about Fresh, my absolute favorite, my hyperfixation. I'd totally want to be friends with him. He's so cool. But I'd constantly be aware of the never ending suffering his host is going through and like, if I just kept being friends with him, I'd feel like shit cause like, think of the host, I'm being buddy buddy with THE parasite that possessed them, right in front of them, despite knowing what he is! I can't just blatantly ignore this! But I'd also feel bad for Fresh, cause like, his entire existence is reliant on possessing people and feeding off of their souls. How tragic is that! To have to hurt people, just to exist.

So since I can not for the hell of it pick a side, I'd be like this, trying to find a peaceful solution:

And hear me out, wait, don't go, hear me ouuutt- I think, I found a plausible solution! Kinda-...

How about,, finding a group of people that'd be willing to serve as a host for him for periods of time, so Fresh could switch between them efficiently, while letting each and one of them recover physically as well as mentally in between their turns.

Now, some reasons why it would be beneficial to Fresh, to convince him:

1. No more struggling to find a host, since I'd be like a network of people that are willing to do that. Very efficient indeed. (-v-)_/¯

2. No more struggling for control with the host.

3. The whole thing would be based on consent and mutual respect, so boundaries of both parties must be respected, and I think that's the kinda vibe he'd agree with.

4. Overall bigger chances of survival, because as much as he's smart and powerful now, there's always that small chance that people dear to the host will realize what's going on and somehow get rid of the parasite. With this arrangement, it wouldn't be a problem. It'd be overall less of a mess.

Now you probably wonder, who the hell would agree to such an arrangement with him? That's where comes... 🥁🥁🥁 Advertising!

Imagine like a poster or flier, with funky colors, Fresh on the front page, and it goes like this:

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Are you feeling a bit lonely or craving a new experience? Do you have a strong soul to spare, and are not afraid of a bit of pain?

If you answered yes to these questions, consider joining:

Fresh's potential host group!

It's a group, where members periodically serve as the host for Fresh, the parasite, while in between their turns rest and recover, physically, as well as mentally!

How long these periods of time will be and everything else, is of course negotiable, and you can always quit, so you have nothing to worry about :)

If you're interested or have any questions, call XXX-XXX-XXX ;D

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Idk if I'm biased but I genuinely think that has some chance to work...

[catgriffin]

Hyperfixation as described by someone with autism:

Imagine you have a button that everytime you press it, it makes you happy. Logically you'll press it everytime that you're sad, right?

Well some people will continue to press that button regardless of when they're sad at the moment or not. It makes me happy, why not keep pressing it, that way I'm always happy? Everything else around you exists, you know that. But you always find yourself back at the button, pressing it everytime you get the chance. Even if you're already feeling fine, that button will make you feel better.

It gets to the point you aren't just pressing it, you're smashing your fist on that button frantically demanding more serotonin, more happy. Until one day... it breaks.

Your happy button is gone. Immediately you feel the effects, like something is missing. You can't tell what's wrong exactly, you don't feel particularly sad. But that button that kept you occupied isn't there anymore so what else are you supposed to do? Sit and look at the wall, waiting for something to come by again? What exactly is it you're waiting for? A distraction? Serotonin? Not entirely sure, but there's something missing and you have to sift through all the old buttons and trash trying to find something to fill that gap.

Until you find a new happy button and the entire process repeats.

[box-architecture]

2 paragraphs are all it took to get me to love QuackiBlob lol and I'm probably going to make that your problem because you're his creator

He seems like a very cute- ehm apologies I meant impressive little fella and most importantly he causes Quackity mental distress do what more can one ask for? (I like causing my favorite characters mental distress >:) ... Though someone really should get big Q into therapy, chill dude, it's just a blob). Is there any (and I mean any hypothetical) scenario where Dream would make QuackiBlob or is that totally out of the question? Could he perhaps make a blob by accident? Did Quackity ever try to get rid of the blob or at least get it out of the casino? (Since it makes him so uncomfortable). And what would SapBlob's reaction to QuackiBlob and vice versa be?

Also, I'm now interested in the answer to Gogy's question: can other admins make something like blobs?

And last but not least, does GogyBlob wake up more often once DreBlob spends more time around (cuz Sapnap and Dream made up). What do SamBlob and PunzBlob think about GogyBlob and SapBlob? I can imagine SamBlob getting jealous easily

Sorry for asking so many questions, I guess you can tell I totally fell in love with those little guys 😅 they are such a good source of serotonin

Have a nice day/night <3

Honestly a big thing with me right now is that I haven't figured out if Quackity will live or die in the CKAU, but if he lives he will most likely be getting So Much Therapy. Or at least some mediocre dick (Wilbur.)

If I had to choose how Qblob would be created, it would likely be around the church prime era. Dream making some blobs to live in the church and do maintenance, and Qblob sticks with it for a while before getting bored and hopping off to find a space near its soul print, where things would hopefully be more interesting.

As far as my brain says atm, Blobs can't die. They can be poofed out of existence, but since they're not 'alive' the same way players are alive, their bodies can just respawn without consequence. Qblob, no matter how distressing he might be to Quackity, will always come back, so Quackity metronomes wildly between pretending he's fine with it and daily murder attempts. This is what coping is, surely.

Qblob makes Sapblob deeply uncomfortable in ways a tiny soul print just can't fully understand. The severe mix of I Loved You, I Miss You, I Hate You, I Want You Dead, I Want To Sob In Your Arms, etc etc? Thats asking a lot of a blob to manage. Sapblob has settled with avoiding Qblob at all cost and not letting it inside The GogyNest

It's. Sort of a yes I think? Philza's crows definitely used to be something like Dreams blobs before Chat starting inhabiting some. All Admins have the ability to create soulless "bots" to do server maintenance, but a skilled admin is capable of manipulating their shapes, sounds, and ability to be affected by Souls. You can imprint a concept of someone onto them, let someone see through their eyes or inhabit them to a minor degree. It's not really something an average everyday admin would do because Effort and Time Consuming and Learning A Skill, but Dream and Philza are firm Hyperfixators of All Things Silly And Fun.

Gogyblob believes in playdates. Thus, Dreamblob must come play, It's The Rules. Punz is a little Cold with George for Made Dream Sad reasons, so Punzblob is not a fan of playdates. Samblob thinks if he loafs on Dreamblob in a cardboard box then Dreamblob will never leave and therefore Be Safe With Partners.

This is incorrect and Samblob has settled with waiting in front of the GogyNest until the playdate is over. He Will Make Sure Dreamblob Gets Home Safe (and bite Sapblob because He's An Evil Partner Thief)

I give you a big hug and apologize for this taking so long<333 I hope you have a good day/night too!!