#improbability

[skill7spark04]

Hitchiker's guide to the Galaxy asks an important question:

go ahead, get your life, the universe and everything out of the way, we all know it's 42. now down to business: what if the universe actually runs on Improbability rather than probability? think for a moment. each movement you make has a certain chance to happen. each quark has a chance to move a certain way. each atom has a chance to randomly disassemble. everything has a chance, a percent chance, for any action imaginable to happen, and there are no zero percent answers. in a world of improbability, the opposite would be true. the low chance answers would happen first, and "normalcy" would be rare. at one moment the universe could blink into nothing, turn itself inside out, turn back on, explode and implode simultaneously, form into the shape of a giraffe, atoms become cube shaped, time inverts where it's distance * Speed instead of Distance/Speed, leading to maddening results, or even, as improbable as it seems: mankind's existence in a world where everything is constantly experiencing the least likely things to happen in paced out succession. everything happens because it has a probability to happen. the world revolves around this idea. there's always a .1 * 10^-432nd chance you spontaneously combust from energy overconsumption. in a world of improbability, unreasonability trumps reason. the wildest scenarios are beyond human perception and confounding. after all, if you look at what The Heart of Gold does, it simply narrows down the probability of being in a specific place at a specific time working backwards. through messing with improbability, we gain the ability to teleport across space and time. it doesn't matter when, where, or how we go. thank God the Heart of Gold has an end radius. because if it affected the entire universe, all life would be doomed to a world of improbability. and I'd probably be a butt ugly Vogon with a pension for a lugnut plantation and a mortgage on some random dude's soul. because while Im lucky, when Im not lucky, I'm REALLY unlucky.

[fuzzkaizer]

INFANEM - IMPROBABILITY DRIVE

circuit by Devi Ever

cred: reverb.com/Stefan Wegner Toronto

[askmadcomcrew]

If dissonance is so corrosive to reality itself, how is it even contained at all? You know, to put in weapons and such. Is there some special resistant material, or something?

WELL AFTER I INVENTED THE FIRST IMPROBABILITY DRIVE, I HAD DISCOVERED THAT CERTAIN MATERIALS COULD BE GIVEN PROTECTION AGAINST REALITY CORROSIVE SUBSTANCES!! THINK OF IMPROBABILITY ITSELF AS EVERYTHING THAT COULD HAPPEN, SO IF YOU IMBUE IT TO SOMETHING LIKE, SAY, GLASS, IT'LL HAVE THE OPPOSITE EFFECT THAT DISSONANCE DOES!!! THEY CANCEL EACH OTHER OUT AND IT BECOMES STABLE. IT'S ALL REALLY NOT THAT COMPLICATED!!

[inkskinned]

how do i contact apple bc actually i am currently going through an internet story but i don't have twitter.

which is to say that 3 weeks ago i was on vacation to the Azores with my family. due to girl pockets (iykyk) my phone fucking jumped into the ocean literally only because i lifted my leg above a 30 degree angle to avoid a wave. the phone was black. the sand was black. it was night. i had waded in about 2 feet deep. i think my guardian angel just closed his eyes.

i immediately reached a state of peace about it. maybe it was a sign from god or the universe. don't we all need to unplug. let's live in the moment or whatever. also, let's give the crabs technology, i just think it would be funny.

i come home. i haven't backed up my phone in a while (lol since 2022) and the shitty replacement i got is literally useless. i lost pictures of newborn babies. i lost contacts. i have to wrangle things together that need 2-factor authentication with a phone that's in the fucking ocean.

and then today i got this notification.

What in the everfuck. are you kidding me. this thing was IN THE OCEAN. like the ACTUAL OCEAN. like originally "find my phone" was reporting it as ABSENT.

and then i get this email:

she found it while she was SNORKLING. at the bottom of the actual ocean. it's been there for 3 weeks.

IT STILL WORKS.

which is to say. like how do i get her anything she wants, forever. i don't have any money but i would buy her a fucking boat of iphones to thank her. how do we get apple to give me a commercial. if nothing else i just want people to know that someone found my phone at the bottom of the ocean because how fucking fake of a story does this even sound.

what's going on. hello????????

[kaeylarae]

As Improbability speaks, we see his massive fangs, "Understand why I don't smile or speak much?"

[johnesimpson]

All the Large Undeniables within the Little Improbabilities

W.S. Merwin, Juliet Grames, et al.: 'All the Large Undeniables within the Little Improbabilities'

[Image: “…and the Light Was Good, and So Was the Dark,” by John E. Simpson. (Photo shared here under a Creative Commons License; for more information, see this page at RAMH.)] From whiskey river’s commonplace book (last stanza): In the Winter of My Thirty-Eighth Year It sounds unconvincing to say When I was young Though I have long wondered what it would be like To be me now No older at all it seems from here As far from myself as ever…

[Read the rest]

[prokopetz]

The concept of "love languages" as a totalising picture of relationship dynamics may be pseudoscientific bullshit, but I have to credit the idea's proponents for enabling all those jokes of the format "my love language is [something objectively unhinged]". Top form there.

[jonfazzaro]

"It is absurdly improbable that you can hoover up the internet, shred it, then talk to the mulch pile and it talks back." improbability

[corkinavoid]

DPxDC Danny Is A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

(not in a necessarily bad way and it's by Clockwork's design)

Bats, or Constantine, or the JL, or whoever you want to be close to Danny in this prompt, don't notice it right away. It takes them a while to figure out its not purely coincidence. And even after they do figure it out, they still have their doubts.

The thing is, it doesn't work all the time. It also doesn't seem to have a system or a schedule to it, nor is it any kind of a superpower, as far as they can understand. By God, does Danny have way too many superpowers, but most of them are consistent, and yet this one... is weird. Weirder than anything they've seen before, and they've seen a lot, okay.

It also only works if Danny does it without thinking.

"You know what'd be perfect right now? A cheese sandwich," Danny says over the comms, in the middle of the fight with Dr. Freeze, "A warm, grilled cheese sandwich just out of the toas- Owch, what?" There's a pause. And then, "Guys, you're not gonna believe it, a cheese sandwich just smacked me in the face! I think someone threw it out of the window or something!" Danny sounds bewildered, but excited, and there's a sound of chewing from his comm now. At least he is eating, so that's good.

"I fucking hate robots," he grumbles the other day, punching his way through the Brainiac invasion in Metropolis, with no comm and only for the Supes to overhear, "No, correction, I hate only evil robots. The ones that interrupt my astronomy class. The ones that shoot motherfucking lasers and walk like crabs, and ruin a perfect day, and- I wish- aw, fuck, no, that's bad wording. Don't wish for shit. But if all these robots would just suddenly, miraculously malfunction and stop attacking me and the whole city, that would be, like, real nice of them."

A few minutes later, something goes wrong with the Brainiac's control over the army of robots, and all of them just stop moving and fall down at once. It is deemed as a chance, a lucky shot, a coincidence. Supes keeps quiet over what he heard Danny say.

"Oh, you bitch-ass fruitloop, you know what I want?" Danny yells at Plasmius, as the ghost is laughing like a madman, "I want a fucking brick to fall down right on your head, like, right now! Maybe that can set your brains straight for at least five minutes!" And even before he is finished talking, there's something falling down from the sky and hitting Plasmius's head. It's not a brick, to be exact, it's Miss Martian's shoe, though. She has no idea how it even came undone and fell from her foot. But it did somehow knock Plasmius out cold, so there's that.

It doesn't happen all the time. Red Robin does the math - the improbable accidents only happen in about 26% of the situations, given that Danny says something. It's by no means a reliable power. It also doesn't happen only during the fights: there were numerous times when Danny just said something like 'I wonder if the cafeteria serves garlic bread today' and sure enough, there's garlic bread there. Even if it was not on the menu. Ever.

They try to question Danny himself, but he has no idea. He doesn't even notice the coincidences most of the times - which is not surprising, knowing that they only happen in one out of four situations and Danny is known to have a short attention span. So, after a few unsuccessful investigations and failed attempts at calculating how this even works, they all give up. It has never jinxed anything, as far as they know, so everyone just leaves it be.

Danny is just magically lucky like that.

Meanwhile, Clockwork is having a good laugh about it. Danny's suggestions amuse him, and it's funny to watch the other superheroes having a mental breakdown over it, so he rigs the timeline from time to time. Just a little.

[amultitideofdrops]

What I love about this is that it confirms what we've always known : That if Garak and Bashir actually got together they'd be completely insufferable

[last-of-the-independents]

ANDREW ROBINSON as ELIM GARAK, Rene Auberjonois as Odo in DEEP SPACE NINE, S3.E20 - Improbable Cause (1995)

[kaijutegu]

One of my friends is showing me vintage men's magazine covers and when I saw this one, my first thought was "lol that sounds like the headline of an article on invasive tegus coming out of Florida or something."

LO AND BEHOLD, THE LIZARD FROM HELL

[thatswhywelovegermany]

Mann springt auf anfahrenden ICE – der beschleunigt auf 282

Man jumps onto departing ICE train, rides on the outside at 282 km/h

A man from Hungary left the ICE bullet train during a stop at the station of Ingolstadt to smoke a cigarette. The train continued its journey quicker than the man anticipated and before he had finished his cigarette. Desperately, because his luggage was still on the train, the man jumped on the train, holding on to technical installations on the coupler between the two halves of the otherwise smooth train.

Although witnesses immediately reported the incident, it took a while before the train driver was informed, during which time he accelerated the train to 282 km/h (175 mph). After being noticed, the train driver immediately decelerated the train and brought it to a stop at the next station, where a policeman incidentially riding on the train guided the man aboard. At the next regular stop in Nuremberg, the man was handed over to the federal police. It turned out that the man was traveling without a ticket, so he was charged for two offenses: Obtaining a transportation service by fraud, and carrying out an act disrupting train operation.

[lacedspine]

daniel…yes i’m aware of the time, don’t go back to sleep..lover, were you aware that sappho’s children are very fond of me? yes…very fond…they use my own likeness in their profile images on social media sites, daniel. daniel, what is “scissoring?” daniel?

[skybson]

3x20 - Improbable Cause

[rythyme]

"please tell me the omegaverse show is another joke like the thai goncharov remake" my brother in christ the "goncharov remake" was real too