#incredible excuse 10/10

[jacobglaser]

"I lost focus and had a consensual workplace relationship" is one of the funniest excuses for cheating I've ever heard. Sorry I just zoned out for a minute and when I came to I was balls deep in a colleague.

[ethersierra]

Nanofather Lore insanepost

Alright. We've seen my murderboard. It's incomprehensible. But for those who haven't, here it is:

It includes... a lot of everything. I couldn't begin to describe the journey I went on putting this together. Without further ado:

The Nanofather, also known as "The Weaver," "Creaky Man," and sometimes "Geltfrimpen" or briefly as "wily weaver," "dirty jeremy," "muck dweller," and "crusty man," is a recurring ominous character which appears most frequently in the opening segments of The Adventure Zone: Steeplechase. He says a lot of weird shit. And after 33 episodes, I believe I have a pretty good understanding of this shit. Take a walk with me, through this 8-part dive into what the Nanofather's deal is.

I will warn you, this is... insanely long. Turn back now.

1. The Foretelling [moments leading up to the weaver]

Back in episode 18 of Ethersea, Justin mentioned how he's the last of them who has yet to DM. Then, later in the episode, Griffin loses his train of thought and Justin prompts him with "Spin the... spin the yarn" and the riffing leads Clint to say, "weave," and Justin says, "step up to the loom... let the weaving begin at the loom."

In the next episode, as the intro song fades out, Justin interjects in a high falsetto song, singing "Weave another tapestry! McElroy Family and me," and the bit goes on for a minute or so. Later, in Ethersea 24, when trying to convince Griffin to reconsider what happened in the narrative, Justin asks him to "Check your loom, weaver!"

When Justin finally makes his Steeplechase debut, he initially struggles with starting the story. So, Griffin jumps in with,

Griffin: "Can I do what you usually do to me?" Justin: "Please." Griffin: "And be like [singing dramatically] 'The yarn-spinner takes the loom in his hands and weaves a magical tale. Take the wizard by his hands as he flies you around on his rug made of wings and a angel’s hair.'"

Every subsequent episode has the same opening. The recurrence of these instances have culminated in the persona of "The Weaver."

2. The Stew [in which the nanofather discusses various culinary topics]

The Nanofather routinely brings up the food of his world, in some way. This starts as early as episode 3, in which he says, "Perhaps a few more moments before the stew is prepared."

Other segments include advice about nano-nutmeg [12], clarifications about cilantro (called corriander in the UK)[29], and directing the addressee to search for pepperoni and green pepper in "the pyre" [19].

The other three instances of mentions of food directly address Shookles the cat. First, "Shoockles, your master calls. Where's the scum canteen? Fetch it from the shoof... my thirst is unslakable" [7]. Then, in the very next episode, says, "Please... the pollen broth. My throat became so dry... Fetch me the pollen broth, Shoockles" [8]. And most recently, he speaks rather dramatically, saying, "I believe I went… as far as I could… I don’t know if… it was far enough… I’m terrified to push it further… I believe this is the limit… Yes… no, that’s true… It’s true… The greater danger is hesitation, yes… I will add one more half-teaspoon of cumin, Shookles. Thank you, Shookles, I… should listen to your culinary acumen more" [22]. This is assumedly in reference to something he is cooking, perhaps the stew mentioned in episode 3. Perhaps all of these ingredients are being used in the stew.

Either way, these interactions tell us that the Nanofather has an interest in cooking, and that Shookles acts as an assistant to him.

3. Direct Interactions [in-character conversations]

There are several instances where the Nanofather speaks with our player characters, or appears within their world.

This first happens in episode 20, when the crew enters the lair of Geltfrimpen and hears a voice familiar to the players coming from the dragon. He says, "Excuse me for this, but I have to keep up appearances." He continues to speak with the boys throughout the scene as they fight the animatronic. He says, "I’m having trouble staying here," and within the scene, Justin describes that, "The sound seems to be coming from like... the entirety of Geltfrimpen. It’s emanating from him, not localized to any one point in the dragon’s body." Beef asks the Weaver if he could come out of the dragon, to which he responds, "Would that I could." When Montrose begins refering to him as Geltfrimpen, he says, "I am not Geltfrimpen. I am here. But I am not Geltfrimpen." Emerich asks for his name, which is met with "Would that I know," but because Beef had called him creaky man earlier, the voice says "Creaky Man will suffice for now, I suppose. A good amount of christening."

He goes on to explain his situation at their behest:

"I will do my best to tell you what I know. It takes quite a bit for me to be as here as I am. But I will try. Part of me is in Geltfrimpen. But I am many places throughout the world. Part of me is here. Part of me is imprisoned here, I think. And through this act, I am no longer... trapped here, this part of me. I’m able to be more concentrated, if that—if that is the correct word, else... elsewhere... I will not be here long, and then I will vacate Geltfrimpen for good. And I will be a little bit more myself, elsewhere."

The implications within this one paragraph are that he does not have much of a physical form, and is potentially some sort of spirit, but he can manifest part of himself at will in some places. Montrose asks if he has a home base, but he says, "I’m... scattered. More accurately, I think... shattered."

He follows with even more interesting information,

"I’ve seen you elsewhere, I was... in one of the vans, as you made the thrilling escape. I was there. I called out, but it was so loud. I have watched you from the porch of Ustaben. In the... the whittling I sat, a rocking chair... I couldn’t summon up enough voice to reach you, but I called out. I called out to anyone who would listen, honestly. But you three are the first who seem to... be looking hard enough to hear."

There have been two heists with van escapes. The first is in episode 3, when Gravel pulled up in a stolen truck/van (it is important to note that they use them interchangably). The four of them were the only ones in the vehicle. However, this escape was not very thrilling, so we are going to refer to the Gutter City heist.

Sticky Finger(s) Paul Pantry asks the three of them to steal a truck called the Clean, and notes that it is made of Hardlight. When the time comes, Emerich has attuned with the hardlight Short Doug and drives in one of the trucks with him [9].

The second thing the Nanofather mentions is an obvious reference to the Ustaben attraction, Whittle Around. In the setup episode, Whittle Around is established as having a porch where "grandpa" sits and whittles wood-- grandpa, of course, being a hardlight construct who was initially Eustace but has since been replaced [0].

The combiantion of these two implies that the Nanofather exists for moments within, or as, these constructs. His spirit seems to be able to travel between them-- to what extent this is under his control remains questionable. Perhaps he is living within the park itself, haunting it. This is given further support at the end of episode 27, when an arcade machine in the back of Poppy's Place crackles with static and we hear the Nanofather say, "act... quickly." Emerich however is unable to make further contact, and this is the last time he seems to interact with them. Montrose says that they "have a ghost in the machine"[28].

4. The World He Inhabits [what we know about the environment, the character, and allusions to mechanisms of communication]

In his first appearance, the Nanofather says to the audience (which may be moreso to the players/player characters? uncertain), "welcome travelers," establishing that we are not from the same place he is.

The world he lives in is fleshed out through each episode. Highlights include "quite a long day tending to the muck fields" [5], "I've missed the meeting with the rust council"[13], and the afformentioned scum canteen. He also says, in episode 6, "I have a new tale for you. Of a muck-dweller turned hero to his- to his people… I seem to have lost it in the last rust storm." This sets him in a sort of wasteland. He also says, or rather, sings, "I'm a neutron guy, you're my nega-girl, I'll sweep you through the ash waste as we make our way through the,"[10] before he cuts himself off.

It seems to be a world where things are rough-- he says, "to make it 37 years is quite a blessing"[13]. That implies his age is 37, or that he has survived 37 years in the conditions that he is in. Additionally, he says, "you will find it in the pyre"[19], a pyre being defined as "a combustible heap for burning a dead body as a funeral rite," implying that they either have to make their own fires or 'bury' their dead.

Notably, there seems to be a recurring theme surrounding weather and time.

"It's gotten so quiet, lately... in the nights... and in the mornings... and the cyber night, the time between the night and the mornings..."[14] "It seems the storms have come early this evening"[4] "The last rust storm"[6]

This implies that time is somewhat technologically controlled, and weather is on a cycle. The building of Steeplechase, or what we are to assume is, is like holographically augmented[31], and so are the inside skies of the park. It is plausible to say the environment wherever the Nanofather is could also be simulated.

5. Wall Breaks [speaking to the players]

These indicate communication from the nanofather directly to the players. They imply to us more about the world, but more importantly, the means of communication and lore surrounding it.

In episode 9, we open the episode hearing a different voice. They say, "Hello? …Hello, spirits?" and begin to knock. "Nanofather says the spirits can hear you through the wall. Spirits… are you there?" But they are interupted by a familiar voice-- "Kavecca!," the nanofather says. "Just another of his stories, I suppose," Kavecca amends. "Kavecca, away from that! You dabble with powers you do not understand!" This raises a lot of questions from the players, about who Kavecca is, why there is another person speaking to them, and what the fuck the 'nanofather' means. What interests me is the referral to their audience as "spirits"-- and what implications does that have? Are they between the world the players inhabit and Steeplechase? Are the players spirits? Also factoring in Blades in the Dark, which has ghosts in it, which have been altered into hardlight for Steeplechase-- maybe the hardlight kept some of that original intent. Maybe that's how the nanofather is able to inhabit hardlight.

In the following episode, we find the nanofather singing a song. What follows is pretty strange.

ohh… I’m a neutron guy… and you’re my nega-girl… I’ll sweep you through the ash waste as we make our way through the…. [click] …do you hear me, Travis? Travis: What? I’m sorry… I didn’t realize I’d left the horn on. Travis: Are you speaking, are you- talking to me? Fare thee well. [10]

First, in "I didn't realize I'd left the horn on," a horn is primarily UK slang for telephone. That could be interpretted here as a literal telephone or whatever line of communication they seem to share. Next-- he directly addresses Travis. This is the first conversation the players have with this character, and so far the only. But it isn't the only time he addresses them:

Clinton? Travis? Gribby? My three… my three favourite micro-nephews. Here to visit me. What a wonderful treat this is… Come. Let me see if I can’t find you a new tale… Griffin: Gribby! Gribby can only say his own name. Justin: Oh? Griffin: Yeah, that’s sort of his thing. Justin: Do you… how do you… I’m surprised you have insight into these three new characters… already. Travis: I’m trying harder and harder to just pretend like we are not on the call when he records that part. Griffin: It’s the only way to not be... ensorcelled by the tapestry he weaves. Clint: Not me. Not me. Did you say Clinton? Clinton… Travis: It sounded like Clinton. Clint: I wonder who that is. Justin: Clinton, Travis and Gribby are apparently, I’ve just found this out with you guys, is— did he say— Griffin: The micro nephews. [15]

This is interesting because Travis is the only one whose name is not altered, and he was specifically addressed before. What we also glean from this is that the nanofather views them as micronephews, so he has an alleged relation to them. Previously, he has called them children but it wasn't apparent until now that he was addressing them specifically.

In the intro with Kavecca, it is important to note that they are the first person to call the weaver "the nanofather." We know from his time as Geltfrimpen that the nanofather has no proper name. Nanofather is more likely to be a title, or rather, a signifier of Kavecca's relationship to him, such as being his child or grandchild. This would put Kavecca on the same family tree as Clinton, Travis, and Gribby, if they really are his "micronephews."

6. Descent Into Weirdness [tonally different moments and their implications]

Everything The Nanofather says is weird, but these are the moments that absolutely baffle me, or upon which he is commenting on the story somehow.

The first time he seems to comment on the events of Steeplechase is in Episode 16, in response to a plot twist at the end of the previous episode (in which the Barrister arrived to kick Emerich's ass but they got him stuck in a machine). He says, "Oh, that’s not right… [rustling paper] …Oh, but this doesn’t make any sense, it was… The story wasn’t like this …. Or… I-Is it changing?" He then follows this in the next episode by... just... breathe-whistling menacingly? Note that this episode takes place when they are travelling between layers, on the start of their Ephemera quest.

Episode 18 starts with, "Oh… Oh, they haven’t… even begun to fathom it… But you…. You swore, we both swore? You know they’re not ready!" I wonder who the "you"/"we" is in this. Is it us as the audience, the players, or perhaps Kavecca? Eighteen is the beginning of the time they spend in Ephemera, and at the beginning of the episode Krystal has an encounter with someone in the Gallspire. This adds on to the commentary in 16 and implies that there is something bigger at play...

Episode 20 presents us with a poem of sorts:

Ever faster, ever closer, ever never slowing down… Ever nearer, ever clearer, ever nipping at the gown... Ever spinning, ever grinning, ever hearing what they please. Ever growing, ever knowing, that they are the disease…

There is no direct indication of what this is talking about, but I think it's about Dentonic. They never slow down, they don't know when to stop dreaming! They will warp whatever they must to fit their narrative and they don't care what the casualties are.

When the Weaver makes his entrance into the world of Steeplechase, at the end of 20 and speaking through Geltfrimpen, these occurences get more frequent:

"Oh, I… I’m mostly… mostly… with them now… [chuckles] ah… ah… smaller than I… assumed…" [21] "Mostly… echoes… yet to be… I’m sorry, I know that doesn’t… answer your question…" [23] "Yes… yes, I was surprised too, Shookles. What? Oh… Oh, they didn’t hear…"[25]

25 ends with Gravel being arrested for Sticky Finger Paul Pantry's murder. 26 opens with, "…yes, but I’d assumed it was… consigned to legend! I never would’ve expected- i guess… my understanding is not… what I’d thought it was. Terrifying, in a way, but also… quite wonderful." I can't even begin to parse what he's talking about.

Then of course, there is 27: "No, no, not to the boat... Only one... one node per layer... I tried to maintain hopping... but it’s too taxing... too many...noises..." What fucking boat? And he tries to hop between layers- maybe the nodes are in the things he is inhabiting. Geltfrimpen, the arcade box, hard doug, eustace... The arcade machine and Geltfrimpen aren't made of hardlight, and these are the methods through which he has actually been able to speak (he could only see through hardlight)... maybe these are the "nodes?" I wonder what the noises refer to.

When things start looking down for the crew as they try to piece together what the fuck is happening, The Nanofather opens episode 28 with, "I’m not sure yet… I’m hopeful… Ah, Shookles… optimistic…or perhaps… perhaps optimism is just the last refuge of those… with nothing left to lose..." The Nanofather is referring to himself in this line, and the fact that he considers himself to have "nothing left to lose" implies that he has a strong connection to the events in Steeplechase, particularly to the crew-- which makes sense given their previous interactions. But what is at stake for him is unclear.

In episode 30 he says, "The thought had crossed my mind… But it can’t be long now…" I must say this is particularly ominous because I have no idea what the "thought" is or what he is waiting for. His salvation?

Finally, we have episode 31. His last appearance.

"It feels… like something… has frayed…"

In this episode, Kenchal Denton speaks to the crew a lot about cutting loose ends. And then he drops them out of a hovercraft into a desert that seems to be entirely disconnected from the electrical grid Steeplechase is on. And we don't hear from The Nanofather again.

7. Ties to Clint McElroy. [the ways in which this comes back to him.]

[post-discussion following the moment in episode 10 when the nanofather asks, "do you hear me Travis?"] Travis: Is that guy my real dad? Justin: You wish Griffin: Legally, you have to tell Travis, if the muckdweller is his real dad Justin: Not the muck dweller. The nanofather. Please- Travis: Oh, it's right there in the name! I should have seen it a mile away it's so obvious now!

Now, this may be a stretch. And it started out to me as a joke, but guys. The further I get the further I am convinced. The Nanofather is connected to, if not is, Clint McElroy the Planeswalking Janitor.

Evidence A: He calls them "children" when he goes to tell them stories. Counterpoint: Clint can't be his own son. Counter-counterpoint: Clint's full name, according to Griffin on an episode of Wonderful, is Clinton Emil McElroy Jr. Meaning, he has a father named Clint.

Evidence B: When the Nanofather refers to Travis, Clinton, and Gribby, Justin later describes them as "these new characters," in the same way he insists that Clint McElroy his father and Clint McElroy the Planeswalking Janitor are separate things [Spiritbreakers Live in San Jose].

Evidence C: The Nanofather hops between layers, in a similar way to how Clint hops between planes. And the Nanofather seems to be fractured, scattered, not his whole self. He is powerful but weak. He is able to speak to players, characters, and potentially the audience? It transcends the boundaries between the two worlds...

Evidence D: Justin is a big fan of the TAZiverse. He has shown this multiple times but the ones I remember most are of course, when he introduces "Taako from Television" in Ephemera (and other Balance things, implies it was a legend passed down, etc), and when Griffin introduced that he would be playing Indrid in Dust 2. Like of fuckin course he'd be excited to bring things together more in small ways.

Evidence E: There has been increased Clint McElroy the Planeswalking Janitor activity, the most since before Ethersea. In April, Justin played the character Clint McElroy the Planeswalking Janitor in a liveshow in San Jose (I was there hi!!!), which had initially been planned for November but was rescheduled. Both of these, though, fall under the time in which Steeplechase was active, so he was thinking about this character during that time. Additionally, the merch of the month for August is a sticker of Planeswalking Janitor Clint McElroy. And he was mentioned in Steeplechase Episode 26, when there was debate over whether something was said by Emerich or his player.

Travis: I think that was Dad. Justin: Oh. Well, I mean... yeah, I guess dad could be in it too, Trav. Is that what you’re saying? Travis: No, I’m just saying, I think Dad was making the observation— Clint: Oh my God! Is this an appearance by Clint McElroy, the planes-walking janitor? Griffin: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Clint: Okay— Travis: No, no, not yet. Justin: No, we can’t, we can’t. Travis: Don’t force it, don’t force it.

Evidence F: I didn't expect to find this one. Honestly I think it shows that I have gone too far as a person. But... guys this one drives me crazy. So. We meet Shoockles in Episode 4, when The Nanofather introduces him as "Cat bart... he's my cat. Bart Shoockles." And guys I was like haha that's funny there is no way this is related... But then I was on Clint's Instagram trying to figure out if maybe he had a cat, since I know Justin has one. And I came across a photo he took of a white dog, which I wasn't sure was his until I got confirmation from an old post on one of the boys' Instagrams. But... in the caption of the post with his dog, he calls him Homer. Clint McElroy has a dog named Homer. Let me just, direct you to the Simpsons family tree:

Finally, Evidence G: Justin would go really far for a bit. He likes to have fun and get silly with his family and he knows Clint would get a huge laugh out of this. And he would also do anything to get a good age joke on his dad.

8. Conclusion [how it all comes together]

The moment you've been waiting for. What does it all mean?

The Nanofather seems to play no real importance to the main plot in Steeplechase at this point, but he has huge potential to. More importantly, looking at the Nanofather gives us some insight into the state of the park and where the player characters find themselves. He works as both a narrative framing device and as a part of the story. He talks to the players, the characters, and the audience, truly bringing a special flavor to Steeplechase.

With everything we've seen and heard, there is sufficient evidence to say that the Nanofather lives within the walls of the park, travelling using its energy grid. He has only been able to manifest to the characters through the electronics and hardlight creations. When they arrived in Kidadelphia in episode 32, it was apparent they were not connected to the same electrical grid, and there was no hardlight. The fact that he was completely silent in both 32 and 33 supports this theory, because there would be no way for him to communicate with them. Either that or they were too late and he died.

He has found himself in a wasteland, with weather and times that are controlled electronically. He is scattered, does not have a name-- a shell of who he once was. If the Carmine Denton Nanofather theory were correct, this would be a beautiful picture: the guy who created a way for others to escape is trapped in the destruction that his creation wrought... Regardless, I am concerned for his wellbeing since it seemed like he was in a hurry.

The interactions between the Nanofather and the heist crew imply that there could be a larger plot with him, but I don't know how close that is to happening. The Nanofather is one complicated guy, and if they want to save him I... guess they'll have to never know when to stop dreaming.

Thank you for coming along with me on this long and gruesome ride. I started this way back after episode 30 aired, I think. It's been simmering for a month, my own personal stew of sorts... For those of you who have helped contribute to my madness, thank you, and to those who have watched in horror, I'm sorry. It's been a real one.

And now, to send you off, I present to you this excerpt from Episode 10:

Justin: Our friend and employee Jupiter is kind enough to help pull together recaps of this dumb stuff, but Jupiter, showing a lot of wisdom here, does not track the story of the nanofather […] Travis: I think they realize it's been so clear cut at this point that any child could keep track of all the nanofather/muckdweller lore.

[dykeseinfeld]

what does he say in that one west wing love confession again is it it's just talking i'm not that scary

"you can be scared. that's okay. but you're not gonna walk away from me because you're scared. i'm not that scary. i want you to do what you want! take the job at the white house, i just want you to talk to me about it! i want us to talk about what it'll mean and how we'll make it work. i want us to talk like we're gonna figure it out together. i want us to talk because i like the sound of your voice. i just want to talk."

[godblooded]

i just gotta say peoples' obsessions with writing toxic relationships just concerns the shit outta me on this hellsite.

[cherriesandcharms]

.

[chisatowo]

Slight Flutter dust redesign!

Bonus forbidden Flutter dust eyes

[imperialboomerang]

REVIEW: The Autobiography of Malcolm X, as told to Alex Haley

The title says it all. I won’t waste my breath with a summary — you know of Malcolm x. You’ve had him compared to MLK in your freshman year history classes, you’ve maybe heard a speech by him once or twice, you know of his greatness and the mythology around him. You, yourself, have experienced it first-hand. He is capital-G Great, and in no way does the following try to undermine that.

But! If you read this book, be prepared to have that mythos destroyed and to see Malcolm X as the extremely flawed, yet highly intelligent, philosophical, and articulate man he was.

I’m the first to admit that his autobiography was difficult to get through. Not because it was not well-written — it is perhaps the most engagingly written biography I’ve read. Instead, it was because of his apparent prejudices, his reliance on patriarchy to derive much of his own sense of worth as an oppressed man, and even his anti-Semitism. The Malcolm X I was confronted with differed greatly from the reasoned, well-read man I imagined. More than once, my eyes would glaze over, and I would wish he’d move on from the subject of how to “properly” treat a woman or the nature of Jewish people.

It was more than just his time-period typical prejudices and moral complexity — I saw Malcolm X as a product of the world he lived in and I saw what a deep impact it had on him to come to that same realization about himself. I cannot say I agreed with everything he believed or said; but that wasn’t and shouldn’t be your purpose in reading his autobiography.

But if you need to be reassured that Malcolm X is still the composed man you’ve seen in archival footage — he is! Time and again, just when I was about to put the book down, he’d hook me back in with his astute observations, his ability to get right at the truth and to attack, poke, and prod it until it becomes an unavoidable, forcibly observable phenomenon.

To quote X himself: “...a man’s accomplishments in his life outweighed his personal, human weaknesses.”

Furthermore, I think this contradiction, that Malcolm X was both a great orator, activist, and also a complicated human being, is one of the most important reasons to read his autobiography. In the last quarter of the novel, when he is faced with the Nation’s betrayal of him, I found myself entranced with his humanity and the way his passion and wholesale belief in Black liberation superseded concern for his life. His existential questioning of his leadership and what his next actions should be struck me. The way in which his whole life’s perspective changed in the course of a handful of years was impressive and a testament to what a good leader is.

Overall, Malcolm X’s story grounds so many of our battles to reality. Activists are humans. Revolutionaries must always refine their beliefs. And truly, the most powerful thing about reading up on Malcolm X’s life was that fact that anyone could be him. You can also go through the series of mini-revolutions that his own life and thinking went through, and so much of his recounting of his life gives you the exact tools necessary to do so.

RATING: 8/10

[garlique]

my tummy hurts so bad i hate traveling

[xazse]

MORE PUPPY GIRL HYBRIF MORE

WENT A DIFFERENT ROUTE WITH THIS! And I think this is what you wanted? Or if you meant something different let me know!!!

And btw I made Satoru in mind as a hybrid who’s a little clueless about females, esp females of a different species. And he has scent glands lol.

Can’t stop thinking about WolfHybrid!Gojo who’s new to Suguru’s household, he had not known it would come with you as well: A PuppyGirl!Hybrid. At the facility Satoru was at he had not met other hybrids of different species, only been around other wolves in case they became aggressive or overly possessive. This means it’s his first time meeting a female hybrid, he’s cautious at first, you’re a lot smaller than he is and he finds himself liking that.

Suguru is situated on the couch while Satoru is on one side and you’re on the other. You’re just as curious, leaning over Suguru’s lap to take little sniffs of Satoru, you determine from staring at him that his hair is unusually white, his ears are pointy unlike your floppy ones, and you think he smells nice, like really nice. Satoru’s body language begins to show he’s nervous when you start getting even closer to sniff his neck, he’s not sure what to do with himself besides sitting stiffly and occasionally meeting your eyes while you do your thing.

Suguru gets up to excuse himself to the kitchen to make something to eat, he encourages you two to become more familiar and aquatinted with one another. You’re so bold as you move to rub yourself all over Satoru, you’re loving just how woody he smells. You smoosh your head and ears all over his chest, mewling and soft rumbling can be heard with Satoru’s excellent hearing. Satoru feels incredibly weird as you press your full weight on him. His pants feel tight like they’re 10 sizes too small for his throbbing body. He can’t quite put his finger on why he’s having this reaction, in the facility he was only taught the basics of his primal needs: nothing about females were ever taught in depth so he really isn’t sure how to handle you.

You don’t seem to have noticed the tent in his pants nor has he. He does however notice the little shorts and tight tank top you sport, he can see the fat of your supple skin.

You’ve even started licking him in a show of your welcome, you go from licking his face to licking on his very sensitive scent glands. His groan is so caught within his throat it’s deeply lewd.

He again hasn’t noticed how you’ve managed to slip into his lap and have both of your legs on either side of him, he doesn’t notice how he’s slowly bouncing you on the throbbing area that’s causing him trouble. Satoru is on cloud nine, his head is heady as it falls on the back of the couch while soft whines leave both of your lips. Suguru comes back from the kitchen to ask what type of meat should he use for the two of you to discover the site in front of him, he’s quick to pull you up from Satoru’s lap not wanting you two to do something like that so early. He’s holding a needy you with one arm around your tummy and Satoru hasn’t stopped staring at you with so much lust in his eyes.

Suguru’s gaze drops to the front of the hybrids pants to see a large wet patch.

[taasgirl]

espresso - lando norris

summary: y/n is a famous singer who also happens to be a massive f1 fan. when she mentions a liking for a certain driver, it's only fate that he tries everything in his power to get her attention.

a/n: no face claim! the outcomes/order of races are altered to fit the story, it's just a fun time!!

liked by oliviarodrigo, oneruel, pedri, and 1, 376, 227 others ynusername my new interview with wired is out now!

user64973 Stop you're gorgeous

user89322 do i wanna be her or be with her??

user09384 so who r u crushing on huh

ynusername it's a seeeecret 🤫

user44172 This entire vid is so chaotic omfg

user03638 Please let y/n enter her wag era

liked by user55736, user89842, user73903, and 10, 652 others user33973 HELLO???? LANDO LITERALLY LIKED THIS TWEET I'M CRYING

user98301 brother personally knows who y/n's next bf should be

user40440 HAHA NO LITERALLY

user34593 God please let this be lando shooting his shot after watching y/n's recent interview

user43982 NO WAIT UR SO FR BECAUSE SHE LITERALLY MENTIONED LIKING AN F1 DRIVER WHAT IF IT'S HIM??

user12871 lando and y/n 🙏🙏

view ynusername's story...

liked by oscarpiastri, lorde, gavi, and 782, 774 others ynusername what a race! lovely to see you again @ oscarpiastri, maybe aim for a podium next time though?

oscarpiastri I'd like to see you try in a f1 car

user49949 Wait is oscar the guy y/n was talking abt in that vid? user53004 i hope not, i love him and lily

user20833 Okay so did y/n and lando interract or not? 😭

user61221 hot girls support mclaren (confirmed!) liked by ynusername

user89483 y/n slowly integrating herself in the f1 scene, we see u girl

liked by danielricciardo, logansargeant, ynusername, and 2, 459, 383 others landonorris A lot to learn from this weekend, but we keep pushing. Also great to meet a lot of new faces and the incredible fans🧡

user58273 SORRY WHAT THAT SECOND PHOTO...

user89894 is the new face y/n perhaps??

mclaren Great weekend Lando! liked by landonorris

user92702 I genuinely tweak whenever u post bc u look so fine

user53982 not y/n liking this post 😭

user66359 AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN FOLLOW HIM user98123 miss girl is stalking her crush i bet

user17263 please let this year be your year

user52209 Did anyone see his response to that post race interview?

user28732 YES AND HOW HE HAS HIS EYE ON SUM1

user87229 oh he trynna thirst trap (y/n) liked by landonorris

liked by lilyzneimer, oliviarodrigo, pedri, and 334, 938 others ynusername remember that one bitch ass ex I had? yeah well I wrote another song about him! 'feather' is yours now, but best enjoyed when you have an ugly, cheating, lying dick of an ex to think about. have fun with this one!! 😘

lilyzneimer STOP I'M ACTUALLY DYING I WAS NOT EXPECTING OSCAR OMG I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING liked by ynusername

user82983 i was like wow normal post! and then boom. oscar.

oscarpiastri Okay that seems a little mean

lilyzneimer already on repeat

oscarpiastri Um excuse me???? Did you read the caption...

user68297 NEW Y/N MUSIC YESYESYES

user26321 omfg i've been waiting for an angry y/n song

user72639 this sounds really familiar?? song of the summer maybe?

ynusername ahhhh thank you bb

view landonorris's story...

liked by user58273, user98004, user63874, and 10, 376 others user44938 Y/N papped in Monte Carlo today! Rumours are circulating that she was visiting F1's starboy Lando Norris, however there is no official confirmation.

user99812 ohhh y/n we see you

user89283 Okay everyone shut up abt lando, let's take a moment to appreciate y/n's beauty omf she's gorg

user23294 I SECOND THIS !!

user12834 hmm i wonder why she's in monaco...

user48463 Y/N u ain't slick 😭

user35273 she saw lando's story and ran straight to him

user16282 "how far u go for a sneaky link? I'd fly"

user52883 I know damn well she ain't in monaco for a holiday

liked by landonorris, gracieabrams, laufey, and 483, 995 others ynusername it's exactly like selena gomez's 2011 film

user73948 I KNOW LANDO'S HOODIE WHEN I SEE IT

user63762 ur the genuine it girl

lilyzneimer Monte Carlo reference, I love it liked by ynusername

user11928 landoooo

landonorris oooooo

user40948 oh hey lando user29830 Fancy seeing you here user73984 He wants her so bad

oscarpiastri I think I've seen that hoodie before

ynusername hmm i wonder where 🤷‍♀️

user49283 girl saw his story and flew out IMMEDIATELY

user53984 y/n l/n wag era loading 😏😏

user92874 So pretty

liked by oscarpiastri, ynusername, mclaren, and 3, 469, 848 others landonorris Calm before the storm #raceweek

charlesleclerc Good to see you with some company

user76483 CHARLES HASFGUEH

ynusername omg invite me next time

user42761 Girl bfr we know where u were at

user52739 THIS IS SO FUCKING CUTE

user19820 y/n and lando are a match made in heaven

user82637 I wonder who you were hanging out with 🤔

oscarpiastri Wow I feel like I've seen that girl before

ynusername me too

user61542 not lando soft launching y/n as if we don't know it's her

user82736 I mean technically we don't

user19823 @ user82736 No I think it is confirmed, she was heard on his twitch stream the other day

liked by landonorris, lilyzneimer, danielricciardo, and 1, 254, 982 others mclaren Our drivers and their partners after qualifying! Lando and Oscar will begin P4 and P5 respectively in Monte Carlo 🧡🤍

user82638 AND THEIR PARTNERS??? Y/N AND LANDO?

user52761 admin really said if they won't confirm it, I will liked by mclaren

user52839 Please lando and y/n are adorable

user82636 lily & oscar >>>

user48273 Sooooo they official...?

user27163 guys stop with this y/n x lando madness, i need a double mclaren podium

user82638 y/n really manifested her wag era huh

liked by ynusername, logansargeant, lilymunhe, and 3, 716, 372 others landonorris Monaco '24. Thank you to everyone who came out, and showed me support this weekend. I promise to be better next race. tagged: oscarpiastri & ynusername

ynusername my racer 🧡🏎️

user62538 HELLO? user82776 i'm gonna be sick

mclaren Papaya boys! liked by landonorris

user72538 Y/N is so beautiful I can't even

user16529 HIS EYES

user52863 him hard launching y/n >>>>

user98276 This is MY victoria and david

ynusername omg we're definitely not as cool as them

user41752 i won't get over this ever

liked by landonorris, phoebebridgers, mclaren, and 967, 837 others ynusername i think i need to buy more orange clothes

landonorris I've already offered up half my closet to her...

landonorris nice shirt though 😏

user62538 oh i'm living for their hard launch

lilyzneimer Welcome to the team!!

user22817 STOP THIS IS ADORABLE PLS WE NEED Y/N AND LILY CONTENT IMMEDIATELY

mclaren Our favourite pop star liked by ynusername 🌟

user52763 Y/N THE WAG YESSSSSS

oscarpiastri It's actually papaya

ynusername okay sassy man apocalypse lilyzneimer @ ynusername feed him to the zombies

liked by oliviarodrigo, landonorris, lilyzneimer, and 583, 872 others ynusername oh and btw, my new song espresso is out and it's a @ landonorris certified 'banger'. his words not mine. listen on all platforms now!!

landonorris She's working late cause she's a singerrr

ynusername haiii

user72637 y/n really walked in and said that she's the best lando ever had and ever will have

landonorris I mean it's true sooo

user62537 Okay lando I didn't know u had game like dat

lilyzneimer oh I love you

ynusername LILYYYYYYY i love u so much oscarpiastri I think our gfs are gfs... @ landonorris

view landonorris's story...

please let me know if you guys liked this! i love doing lando fics so much. as always, my reqs are open so feel free to drop suggestions!!

here’s a cute oscar smau i just wrote

[sissa-arrows]

I just saw a stupid video of “Israelis” protesting Netanyahu and people using that to say that Natanyahu is the problem and that the people support Palestinians. It’s incredibly stupid but it’s also a huge lie. Here is what an “Israeli” who lives in France replied when he was asked about the “Israelis leftists” some of y’all love to use to pretend there’s hope for this colony on Palestinian land.

Let's be clear, we exist, but we are worth nothing. Both in terms of numbers and political power, no one should use us as an excuse to say that there is hope among Israelis.

There's a range of opinions on the radical left, but remember it's safe to say there’s around 5 000 - 10 000 people. That's it and I'm being generous. A very small minority of us talk about one state for all. Personally, I would like to live in a free Palestine. Israel should not be a thing but a sad memory uttered on the lips of nostalgic Nazis. I can tell you that I am very disappointed by our left. Many have responded to this cutting-edge genocide with disorientation at best and stabbing Palestinians in the back at worst. Israeli leftists limit themselves to liberal-progressive ideas and do not meaningfully commit to socialist alternatives.

[17020]

DON'T LEAVE ME, GIRL.

Because brainrot can take people places. This is men from KAIJU NO. 8, BLUE LOCK & WIND BREAKER as Henry Danger memes. These are complete crack headcannons and I'm sorry in advance. Do it 4 the plot!

STARRING . . . Soshiro Hoshina, Gen Narumi (KN8), Yoichi Isagi, Reo Mikage (BLLK), Yamato Endo, Hajime Umemiya (WINBRE). gn reader!

SOSHIRO HOSHINA

The fact of the matter is, Soshiro Hoshina had you MONITORED ever since he realized he had romantic feelings for you. With the excuse of receiving daily reports from platoon leaders about their officers, he only paid any mind to any reports about you.

And he was so obvious about it, that some platoon leaders caught on to what he was doing. Nakanoshima genuinely enjoyed it, as seeing the vice-captain with wide eyes trying to conceal any emotion when you're mentioned was a one-of-a-kind experience.

"Oh, by the way! Officer Ln got hit on by one of my men yesterday."

Nakanoshima tried her best to hold in her laughter while Hoshina choked on his food in the middle of the cafeteria. She could see how his face contorted with disgust, as he anxiously began to play with his food.

"And what does that have to do with the reports?" he sneered. She gave him a knowing look, to which he sighed. He was utterly hopeless, wasn't he? A complete idiot in love. So much of an idiot, that even his subordinates caught wind of what was happening.

"...so, what'd they do about it?"

"They turned him down" she shrugged, "Well, at least that's what I saw. If you want the whole thing, you'd probably have to ask Okonogi. She was there way longer than me."

Hoshina's next stop was the operations room.

"Okonogi, dear, do you happen to have any camera footage of the hallway leading to the cafeteria from yesterday at about 5pm—"

The salute that followed sent a shiver down his spine, as he turned to his side to see you, comfortably sitting in Okonogi's seat.

"Vice-captain Hoshina? Sir, Miss Okonogi is currently on break, and she left me here to help her run through some reports" you smiled sheepishly, "If this is about yesterday, sir, just know that nothing happened with the officer that approached me. I completely apologize."

When you bowed in apology, Hoshina simply grinned as he raised his hand to pat your head. "Ya know I care about my officers, sweetheart, so I jus' wanted to make sure ya weren't being harassed."

"Did—did you just call me sweetheart, sir?"

"That's 30 pushups for ya, Ln."

GEN NARUMI

Being in the First Division was already hard enough with all of the highly skilled officers around you, but having captain Gen Narumi follow you around like a lost puppy? Yeah, you unlocked a new level of hell.

The fact that you had a higher-up on your trail didn't bother you, it was the fact that Narumi himself was insufferable, and if the rumors that other officers came to spill to you were true...

Gen Narumi was head over heels for you, and he took every opportunity he had to show off in front of you.

As much as you hated to admit it, Narumi truly was something else. His ability to slay kaiju was unlike any you had ever seen before, and it was nothing short of admirable. Off the field, though, Narumi was like some annoying influencer trying to sell you their latest product from some pyramid scheme.

His product? Himself.

Whenever he wasn't boasting about himself or trying to show you his social media fame, he was constantly in your messages trying to strike up a conversation. Today was no different, as he slid into your messages asking if you knew about his latest video game records.

NARUMI 17:04 and that's how i ended up winning you should've been there, i was incredible

YOU 17:10 wow yeah that's a shame

NARUMI 17:10 something wrong? you're cold today

YOU 17:20 sorry it's been a hard day today, i'm feeling pretty down

NARUMI 17:21 i know what could cheer you up [1 Attachment]

You could not believe your eyes.

In your phone was a picture of Gen Narumi, holding his phone like a facebook parent, duck lips and all, winking.

You didn't hold it in, laughing hysterically at your screen. Tears were forming from how hard you were laughing, and the messages you received made you drop to your knees.

NARUMI 17:25 i'm outside your office btw WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING???

YOICHI ISAGI

When Isagi accidentally revealed to Kurona and Hiori about his growing crush on you, he settled on keeping your name hidden in public conversations. A part of him thought that, yes, it might be childish, but code names could save his ass from the prying eyes of Blue Lock TV and the press.

He knew you were watching at home, as he constantly texted you about what you saw on your television throughout the week. He’s grateful that there are no cameras in the stratum’s bedrooms, as he mostly spends his time kicking his feet like a schoolgirl whenever he’s chatting with you.

While having lunch with his teammates, the topic of relationships had surged, as there were some which wondered if their teammates had someone waiting for them back home.

“So, Isagi, did you confess to Yn already?”

“Confess! Confess!”

“Huh.”

Isagi’s eye twitched as his teammates slowly stood up from their seats. They looked at each other nervously, and in response, Isagi sighed.

"The code name was apple" he sneered, "if this ends up on Blue Lock TV, you're fucking dead."

Hiori and Kurona were grateful that social media did not rave about Isagi's love life, thus thinking they were safe from any tormenting. Isagi was relieved that his teammates' slip up was kept under wraps, as he wasn't ready to express his feelings just yet.

Luckily for him, Blue Lock TV released a special episode filled with drama and gossip from all teams, and much to his dismay, "APPLE" started trending on Twitter, along with his name, and the phrase "WHO IS YN".

REO MIKAGE

Reo Mikage knew that your job as Bastard Munchen's social media manager meant that he wouldn't see you as much, with him seeing you on award shows, events, or football matches that you both attended as guests.

Every day, he would text you a new reason for you to switch teams and join Manshine City instead. He offered to fly you out, help you with paperworks and your CV—Mikage had everything covered.

Except for your approval.

It was hard to leave a team you grew to be fond of, after almost two years of working there, you learned to love everyone as you would with your own family. After hearing Mikage's pleas day after day, you finally gave him the go ahead to submit your job application.

Which just so happened to fall on the day in which Manshine played against Bastard.

It was a complex match, with your team winning 3-2 against Mikage's. After celebrating with some nice dinner on a rooftop, Isagi had invited you to go around Manchester for some shopping, as he wanted to buy a present for his mother.

Reo Mikage's phone had blown up in a way he had never witnessed before. From his friends, social media, hell—even Nagi was spamming him with messages, sending him a link to an article.

"Yoichi Isagi spotted with mystery person in Cartier for a shopping day! What we know about them so far..."

Reo Mikage had to be forcibly removed from his phone and social media, with his teammates having to hold him back from causing a scene.

Because why on God's beautiful Earth were you shopping with Isagi instead of him?

When he received his phone back, he saw a text from you, explaining how Isagi asked for your help to buy jewelry for his mother's upcoming birthday. He felt himself melt at the thought of your kindness, as according to him, you were doing charity work. Nothing against Isagi's mother, though.

He smiled as he exited your chat and typed out a name, starting a new conversation.

REO 23:11 Listen here you Mr. "I take Yn shopping in Manchester" I swear if I ever see you near them in public again you better pray that you stay in Bastard because do you know who I am I am the heir of Mikage Corp and the amount of power I have would put you to shame because WHO do you think you are first stealing Nagi from me and now Yn you seriously have to have a death wish for that you stupid good for nothing Be grateful that they're leaving your poor little team and joining Manshine soon, so they'll never see you again you punk

YAMATO ENDO

"—and then he told me that if I went to the beach with the girls and that one guy, he'd break up with me on the spot. Can you believe him? We had to pick up trash at the beach for a school project and he said that"

"I can't believe it!" Endo gasped, his hand on your shoulder, "If that were me, I would've never said that. That's a shitty move on his part."

"Annnnd then he had my socials on his phone, and he read the notifications that I received. He got mad because a friend told me they loved me."

Okay, that one he could agree with.

The joy of having Yamato Endo listening to your horrible experiences with your ex was that, at face value, Endo was agreeing with everything you said. Internally, though, he thought different.

The more he heard, the more intrigued he was about your ex. Because Endo Yamato found himself relating to him, and was on the verge of asking you for his number.

"Damn, he was oversteppin' boundaries" he sighed. Snooping every once in a while ain't bad, though, is what he thought. 'Cause what if they're cheating or something, or covering for someone?

He shook his head as he discarded the thought, as neither of those situations could ever apply to you. You went on and on, describing the various ways in which your ex had either pissed you off or straight up did you dirty.

At the end of your rant, Endo slyly pulled out his phone and opened the search tab of his social media.

"Damn Yn that's crazy! Anyway, what was his name again?"

HAJIME UMEMIYA

You knew Hajime Umemiya was too trusting and naive, but you let it slide. When you and him were cuddling on your couch, mindlessly scrolling through his social media, something was off.

His page was filled with Instagram models.

And sure, you wouldn't have any trouble with it, but the fact that there were half naked people clogging your boyfriend's feed, you felt a bit iffy. When asking him about it, he simply laughed.

"Oh, the kids at the orphanage took my phone a while back! Didn't know they followed all these people, though" he smiled.

Well the kids at the orphanage have very good taste, you thought.

When the next week rolled by and Umemiya found himself in a brawl outside of Pothos, you stood in the sidelines next to Kotoha. "Did he do anything about the models?" she asked. When you shook your head in response, she smirked.

"Give me your phone, Yn."

She opened the camera app and pointed it towards the brawl, motioning for you to slide a bit to your left so that you would be in the frame.

"Now say cheese!"

"Hey—what's going on?" Umemiya questioned, before having a punch thrown at his face. Kotoha chuckled in return, her fingers intertwining with yours.

"Don't you see? Yn's modeling. If you need anyone to save you, ask Sommer Ray! We're out of here."

taglist (open, yippee!): @stunie @kaiser1ns @nyxypoo @karasuglazer @littleplantfreak @maruflix @heartkaji

[lucyrose191]

LOOKING AT HER| S.VETTEL

Author’s note; fuck off Amy.

Pairing; Sebastian Vettel x shy!girlfriend!reader

Summary; Reader has grown to love the feeling of Sebastian’s eyes on her but not everyone understands.

Warnings; fluff, suggestive towards the end, Amy’s a bitch.

F1 Master List

Sebastian always had a habit of looking at her, he just couldn't help himself, he found her so beautiful that it was impossible not to admire her. He didn't understand how he was so lucky to have someone so special as his girlfriend.

It had taken a while for Y/N to get used to his gaze, at first it had made her self conscious, she thought there was something about her appearance or her outfit which had caught his attention but every time she asked he always responded the same way.

"I’m just admiring how beautiful my girl is"

She eventually found herself being used to having his eyes on her, in fact she had grown to like it. It made her feel safe and secure knowing he was there and keeping an eye on her. It was like a comfort blanket to her now.

She did feel nervous under his gaze though, the good kind of nervous. Sebastian was always one for eye contact and his gaze was... intense. It was constantly making her flustered, she'd end up forgetting everything, her words, what she was meant to be doing, everything vanished for her when he was around, all she could think about was him.

Sebastian and Y/N were currently out for dinner with some of Y/N's friends, although the pair of them had been official for over 2 years now Seb hadn't really had the chance to meet her friends properly due to him travelling all the time and when he wasn't they were too caught up in making up for lost time to make plans.

Her friends had been shocked when Y/N who was known to be extremely shy and famous for keeping to herself announced that she had a boyfriend, they had already been dating for nearly a year when she had finally told them.

Imagine their surprise when their incredibly private friend revealed just who her boyfriend was; an extremely famous, successful and rich formula one racing driver.

Y/N was currently in the middle of a conversation with her 'best-friend' Amy when she felt her boyfriends beautiful eyes tracing over her body.

Sebastian thought she looked so beautiful, she has dressed up tonight into a long dress and heels. Obviously she looked beautiful all the time but that dress was really doing something.

It didn't take long for Y/N to get flustered, her cheeks had turned a blush pink and she looked down at the table as she tried to remember her words.

Sebastian smiled, he loved the effect he had on her, knowing that he could get her all riled up just from a simple glance was a huge ego booster.

"Why do you keep looking at her like that? Can't you see it's making her uncomfortable" The table went silent as everyone turned to look at Amy who had purposely made sure everyone heard her.

Sebastian was speechless when he saw that she was staring him down. Making her uncomfortable? He looked at Y/N who was in just as much disbelief as he was, staring at her friend, wide-eyed because she hadn't been uncomfortable at all and she really didn't appreciate her rude tone towards the man she loved.

"Excuse me?" Sebastian almost laughed at the ridiculousness of her accusation.

"You've been staring her down for the past 10 minutes and it's creepy, can you not see how awkward she feels? She's literally shifting around in her seat"

"Amy-" Y/N tried to protest, she usually wasn't one to speak up, preferring to keep out of drama but the way the girl in front of her was looking at Sebastian like he was a piece of shit wasn't sitting right with her at all, especially because he was quite literally the sweetest human she had ever met.

The table watched in tense silence as Amy continued to run her loud mouth which was making everyone feel uncomfortable.

"...Just because you're some rich bloke that drives around in fancy cars doesn't mean you have the right to stare at a woman like she's a piece of meat" Seb couldn't believe the audacity of the woman, she knew absolutely nothing about him.

It seemed Y/N was thinking the same thing because she slammed her hand down on the table "Shut up! You know absolutely nothing about Seb or me, clearly, so stop acting like you have the right to comment on him, his job or his actions"

She then turned to her boyfriend who's eyes were filled with pride "Can we go? I don't want to stay here with someone who had no respect for others"

Sebastian nodded, immediately standing from his seat,  placing a couple bank notes down on the table to pay for their meal before grabbing his jacket and holding out his hand for her to take.

He ignored Amy's muttering of "Oh so you need to ask his permission to do what you want as well"

He said a polite goodbye to the rest of the table before the pair of them walked out of the restaurant.

Sebastian briefly glanced away from the the road and over to the passenger seat for the fifth time since they had gotten into the car, Y/N hadn't said anything since leaving the restaurant and it was starting to worry him.

She had sort of curled herself up into a ball, her knees pulled up to her chest with her feet resting on the edge of the seat as she stared blankly out of the window.

Sebastian wanted to tell her to sit up straight for her own safety but his worry for what she was thinking was a bigger priority to him at the moment.

"Liebling?" She only hummed in response which increased the worry he initially felt, she always responded properly to show he had her full attention, believing it was rude otherwise.

He hadn't been too bothered about Amy's words in the restaurant but with how quiet his girlfriend was being, he was starting to think that maybe Y/N agreed with her and maybe he did make her feel uncomfortable.

"Are you okay, schatz?" He asked. Y/N heaved out a heavy sigh as she sat up properly before turning to face him.

"I just hate how rude she was to you, she had no reason to speak to you like that and to do it in front of everyone in a public was just wrong, I'm sorry"

"Why are you apologising to me? You didn't do anything wrong, you handled it brilliantly" Sebastian reached over to grab her hand and link their fingers together, his thumb stroking along her hand hoping to provide some comfort.

"I know you went through the trouble to make sure you were free so we could go to dinner with them and now it's just wasted"

Sebastian shook his head "I didn't make sure I was free for the dinner, Y/N. I made sure I was free for you, you're more important to me than any interview or meeting"

Y/N smiled at his words, tightening her hold on his hand, he really was the perfect man.

"Can I ask you a question though?" He asked, seeing Y/N nodding her head out of the corner of his eye "Was she right?"

"What!?" Y/N couldn't believe the absurdity of his question "Not at all"

Sebastian bit his lip, not quite sure if she was just saying that so she wouldn't hurt his feeling "Are you sure? I'd hate to make you feel uncomfortable"

She couldn't help but giggle, nothing he did could ever make her uncomfortable, he was perfect. "You have never made me feel uncomfortable, Seb. I like feeling your eyes on me" she admitted.

Sebastian looked at her with a small smirk "yeah?"

Y/N nodded "Makes me feel sexy" she sheepishly said, turning back to the window to try and hide the blush on her cheeks.

"Oh, really?" She heard to teasing tone in his voice and internally rolled her eyes knowing he wouldn't let her live this down.

His ego had just grown about three times the size from her confession. It felt great knowing that he was able to make her feel so good without really doing anything. "Don't go all shy on me now, come on" he told her, tugging on her hand slightly.

"You're just going to hold it over my head now" she groaned but turned back to him as he wished.

"I promise I won't, I like that I make you feel good by something so simple" he said. The last part was true but he was totally going to hold it over her head.

"You always make me feel good" she whispered, tracing a finger over the veins on the back of his hand.

Sebastian heard her even though she spoke so quietly and felt like he could melt. What man didn't like hearing those words?

"How about I make you feel good when we get back home?" He asked, his tone suggesting anything but innocence.

Y/N's breath hitched knowing exactly what he was talking about. "Absolutely"

Sebastian smirked, turning his attention back to the road but he subtly pressed down on the accelerator.

He couldn't wait to get home.

[blue-blue-blooms]

Eddie Munson Headcanons

Eddie Munson x Henderson!Reader Headcanons

You and Eddie meet because Dustin asks you to sub for Lucas for their DnD meeting.

Your first official meeting with Eddie isn't that great. He's apprehensive of letting you play with them because he thinks you're not well versed on how DnD works. But you surprise him with how well you can play, and he asks you to join the Hellfire club.

You don't attend every single meeting. Unlike Dustin and Mike, you actually have a life outside of DnD. Surprisingly, Eddie's fine with you missing these meetings, which surprises everyone else since he refuses to be this lenient with them.

But the others aren't you. They don't have your soft smile, the mischievous glint in your eyes, the lilting tone in your voice that you often use to tease him. It's safe to say, he's incredibly obsessed with you.

He asks about you often when you're not around. What does she like? What kinda music is she into? What do you think her thoughts are on people who play guitars? Does she ever mention me? What's going on with her and Harrington? Dustin finds it only mildly nauseating.

The both of you rarely get to hang out alone so he's always devising different ways he can get alone time with you. He'll tell you the wrong time and arrive early so he can get 10 minutes with you. Or he'll linger in the back and ask you to clean up with him after a DnD meeting.

He's incredibly soft around you, borderline shy. Sometimes, he even stumbles over his words. I heard you and Harrington are pretty close. I mean, Dustin mentioned it in passing. We talk about you a lot-I mean he! He talks about you a lot. He thinks really highly of you, it's actually kinda annoying how obsessed he is. Not that you're annoying! It's just, I mean, I've never seen someone, like, that close with their older sister before. So...you and Harrington?

He finds every excuse he can to touch you. His hands linger a second too long when he's passing you something. He always puts his hand on your back when you're walking, gently guiding you. He'll pretend there's something in your hair so he can touch it.

Yeah, he's pretty smitten with you.

[boytearscore]

i dare you to try. — chris sturniolo.

summary: you finally decided to join a car video with the triplets after years of them trying to convince you to, but when the topic “who’s more stubborn, you or chris?” is brought up, things take a peculiar turn in which chris is sure he can be the first guy you beg for, so you dare him to try.

warnings: fem!dom, chris!dom, smut, teasing, foreplay, swearing, choking, orgasm denial, size kink, bdsm.

taglist: @chericherrybaby, @fratbrochrisgf, @sturncakez <33

author’s note: so... funny story, girls... i got home from work last night and started writing but fell asleep with my phone on my face. hope you can forgive me, though. anyways, enjoyyy! xo 💋💋💋

𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 (𝟸/𝟸)

friday night, 9pm. 

you smile excitedly as you are getting ready to a party at the triplets house, eyes and hands are focused on the eyeliner, red lipstick already highlighting the lips and a black short dress moulding your curves. on top of that, underneath it, you were wearing orange lingerie. chris favorite colour, was it a little petty? yes, but you’re not about to lose this dare. absolutely no fucking way.

when you finished recording the video with them, nick had the idea of throwing a party the next day, he wanted to see chaos between you and chris for his own entertainment and so did matt. chris, on the other hand, has already been sending you risky texts and some pictures of his covered hard dick and other parts of the body he knew you were attracted to with captions like “give up already.” and “can’t wait to hear you beg and moan my name.”

you ignored all of it just to give him the impression you were threatened and shy when in reality, there was a whole plan ready to be put in action since he opened his mouth.

finally, you’re done. everything looked impeccable: hair falling over your chest that was mostly exposed by the dress cleavage, a pair of black tights that were connected to the lingerie and black leather boots that went to your knees, not to mention you smell incredible.

after checking yourself one more time in the mirror, a smirk painted in your lips, chris was not ready for that. 

it was 10:30pm when you arrived at their house, loud music playing and people everywhere dancing, drinking and even throwing up.

you calmly go through the crowd of people when a pair of hands suddenly grab your hips pressing both bodies and you feel lips into your ear. the person didn’t even need to say anything, you could tell who it was by their scent.

“ready to be my little slut?” you feel the hot breath caressing your skin and the deep voice with a stupid cocky chuckle.

“not even in your dreams, christopher.” you reply, turning to him. matt and nick behind him laughing, that’s definitely the most fun they’ve been having in a while.

he smirks and you couldn’t stop yourself from eyeing his body, he has a black tank top that was complimenting his collar bones, shoulders and abdomen. 

and chris would notice you savouring him, but he was too busy staring at your boobs. his mind racing with the thoughts of cumming all over them.

“it feels like i’m watching a porn without the sex part, just the eyes.” matt says and you both break glances at each other laughing.

“is no one gonna grab me a drink?” you ask, rolling your eyes and nick give you a “excuse me?” look.

“you’ve been here more than our parents, go get it yourself.” he replies and you just shrug.

“fucking worst host ever.” you murmur making sure he heard before going to the kitchen and opening the fridge, all you could think of was chris.

he looked so hot wearing that damn black tank top, why didn’t you notice how attractive he was before the bet? it’s like a blindfold was taken away from your eyes, you imagined him on his knees, pleading and whimpering in front of you. things got even more interesting now.

you grab a drink and take a huge sip, ignoring the burning feeling in your throat and walking again through the people, some you knew, some not. you danced either way, a few guys eyeing you from afar and then one came behind you, dancing.

“you alone?” he whispered into your ear and you smiled, turning to him and grabbing his hands to dance.

“always.” he smiles back at you, rolling you around and grabbing your hips. you started dancing, he was cute and really hot.

that didn’t last much, though. 

someone abruptly grabbed your hand, making you look behind you with an angry expression. 

“today you’re not.” 

it was chris.

the guy just stared at chris and vanished away not wanting any trouble, you glance at the blue eyed boy, giving him the dirtiest look.

“what?” he shrugs, smiling. “i’m not sharing you with anyone today, whether you like it or not.”

you give him an eye roll but you’re not mad, it’s not like that guy was hotter than chris anyway.

“don’t ever grab my hand like that again.” you tell him with a serious face and he just nods, looking apologetic. “only if i allow you to.”

you get closer to him, wrapping your arms around his neck and rocking your body to the music. chris instantly smiles, his hands pressing hard on your hips. your fingers running to his hair, and you can’t help but push them back making him gasp.

“you’re such a menace.” he whispers, a hand sliding to your ass and turning you around.

you could feel everything, his hips crushing into yours and his dick getting harder everytime you brushed your ass while dancing. part of your plan was working and you didn’t even get started yet.

you turn to chris and place your hand around his neck, nails scratching it slightly causing him goosebumps.

he couldn’t resist the temptation, grasping your back and leaning in for a kiss, but you stopped him with a finger on his lips.

“not yet.” you smirk at him and he stares at you confused. “just shut your mouth and just follow me, or you won’t be having any fun tonight.” he thinks for a while and nods, not saying anything, the finger drawing a straight line down from his lips to his collar, dragging him upstairs.

when you both get to his room, he closes the door and throws you on the bed, getting on top of your body and pressing his torso against you.

you smirk, just watching him trying his best to be dominant, suddenly, his hand slid underneath your dress, touching slightly your inner thigh. you let out a small sigh, his hand was so warm and it felt so good.

“look at ya.” he mumbled into your ear, moving his hand closer to your pussy. “i’m not doing anything yet and you’re already gasping.”

you don’t say anything, just letting him play his game before yours starts. chris chuckles, amused by your unusual reaction, that motivated him to keep going.

his face close to yours, eyes staring at your lips before shutting them down and brushing both slightly against each other.

you wrap your arms around his neck, messing with his hair and he finally kisses you. not a gentle kiss, an obscene one. tongues fighting and wet sounds, chris can’t help but moan when he feels your nails digging on his back. 

his hand finally touches your pussy covered by the lingerie and you moan biting his bottom lip. he laughs, breaking the contact and looks at you, usually that would be the perfect moment for a cocky comment, but he couldn’t fight the urge to tear apart your black tights and pull the dress to your waist, revealing the orange lingerie.

he’s stunned by a second, moving away from your body to take a better look.

“you fucking bitch.” he says, grabbing your chin and bringing you close to his face agresseviely. “you did this on purpose, didn’t you? to tease me.” he asks while using the other hand to undress you completely. “you’re such a slut, ya know that?” he throws you again on the bed, an expression on his face you’ve never seen before.

you smile, opening your legs in front of him and looking beneath lashes, still not saying anything. too bad for chris, but you knew him more than himself. he loves to talk shit and act all nonchalant, but he hates when people don’t engage or ignore it.

chris frowned, staring between your legs and to drive him even more mad, you placed a hand on your inner thigh, slowly going up until it got to your pussy, your fingers teasing it over the lingerie and moaning and making faces while staring intensely at his eyes.

the boy is speechless, he never got so hard and never felt this urgent need to fuck someone before. the sound of your voice moaning and the way you touched yourself, he was mesmerised by everything.

“chris…” you finally use one of your cards, biting your lips and moaning his name.

he can’t hold himself anymore, chris takes off his shirt and pants, still wearing boxes and walks towards you, the smirk on his face vanished a long time ago, all you could see was pure lust.

“you’re driving me crazy by doing that.” he leans against you, using one knee to support himself over the bed, making sure to rub your wet pussy with it. “that’s a dangerous game, i’m warning you.”

you can’t help but laugh, lifting one leg up to reach his dick and rubbing it slowly, his lips parted into a loud moan, tilting his head to the back.

“it seems to me you’re the one about to beg, chris.” for the first time in minutes, you spoke. he immediately looks at you, not liking your comment one bit but feeling his dick twitch.

“that’s rich coming from someone who just moaned my name like a slut.” he replies, grabbing you leg and dragging you to him, now you are completely laid down on the bed, he bends over to reach your waist and slides your panties till your ankle.

“i’m keeping this.” he smirks and throws the orange lingerie on his nightstand. “alright, i’m gonna eat you out till you cum all over my face.” he gets on his knees, leaning closer to your dripping wet pussy. you could feel his breath hitting the sensitive area and that made you shiver. 

“thought you were gonna make me beg.” you say, watching every single move he makes. chris licks your clit without warning, causing loud moans from you. “fuck.”

he laughs, staring at you between your legs, hands spreading them as much as he can.

“no silly, i’m gonna make you beg me to fuck you.” he groaned, finally eating you out deliciously, his tongue alternating between flexing the muscles while inside you and letting it loose when sucking and licking all of it.

you grab his hair violently, pushing it hard while rolling your hips into his mouth. 

chris was getting harder by second, to the point his dick started to hurt a little. he was moaning and eating you out at the same time, the vibrations causing you an insane amount of pleasure.

“fuck, chris.” you whisper, biting your lips to hide how much you were enjoying it. no guy has ever eaten you out like that before.

so much so that you were about to cum into his mouth, your legs started shaking and the grip on his hair got tighter. he notices your body reactions and smirk, licking and sucking even more faster and intensely.

your moans get louder, you feel contractions through your whole body, soon releasing all the pleasure and cumming into chris mouth.

he licks everything, letting your pussy clean and gets on the bed, crawling on top of you. you smiled at him and he could sense something coming but decided to ignore, all he wanted was to hear the magic words from your pretty mouth.

“i bet i’m the first guy to make you cum that fast, huh?” he says finally being face to face with you, his hard covered dick brushing against your bare pussy and both arms on each side of your head, you were so close that you could feel his heartbeats pressed over your chest, he reach your neck, kissing and sucking on it making soft gasps come out of your lips. 

“beg me.” he murmured in your ear, one hand grabbing your boob and squeezing it hard. the pain felt so good, but you’re not about to lose. “beg me to fuck your little pussy.”

he stares at you, his hand going lower until it reaches your core, sliding one finger inside. your back curves, but you smile at him not showing signs of redemption.

and that’s when you decided it’s time.

with a quick move, you revert the positions, thanks to all the self defence classes you took a long time ago, getting a man off top of you wasn’t hard. 

chris was shocked, his eyes widened and his lips suddenly opened like he was about to say something but couldn’t.

“you’ve failed.” you tell him, smirking. both of his hands were on top of his head, held by yours. with an evil expression, you press your ass against his dick and he melts under you. “it’s my turn now.”

you go for his lips first, and even though his ego was bruised by the fact that you could easily turn the situation to your favour, he’s too horny to care.

both lips were crashing hard while tongues enlaced, the grip of your hand holding his writs got even tighter when he started to move them, the other one was slowly creeping to his abdomen, chris moaned and gasp onto your lips and when you finally reached his dick, removing his boxers to expose his hard cock.

and then something slaps your back, making you look behind.

“holy shit.” you opened your mouth, turning yourself completely to make sure you saw correctly. “you’re fucking huge, chris.”

he laughs, finding your reaction cute and sitting on the bed when you let his hands go.

“think you can take it?” he asks and you stare back at him, smiling.

“only if you beg me first.” you reply, grabbing his dick and teasing the tip of it with your finger, chris closes his eyes and moans a curse word. “c’mon..” you whisper, slowly pumping him and his back curves. “beg me.”

“please…” he murmured, avoiding your gaze.

you smirk, feeling your pussy dripping. he looked so fucking hot doing that. 

since chris was sitting, you easily extended your arm to his hair, pulling it hard to make him stare at you.

“say it again.” you order him spreading all the pre cum over the base of his dick and pulling harder his hair, chris was losing his mind at this point.

“please, let me fuck you.” he asks almost politely with his eyes glued on yours, his cheeks were a slight shade of pink and his red glossy lips parted, letting out shaken breaths. 

you don’t answer, just push his shoulders to the bed making him fall and lifting yourself up to get on top of him again, the gaze between both of you was so intense and sexual.

you positioned his cock on your entry, teasing him a little by rolling your hips and chris bite his lip, you didn’t wanted him to fuck you, you wanted to fuck him.

and so you did, sliding his dick slowly inside you with a frown expression and eyes closed.

“does it hurt?” he asks worriedly, grabbing your hips with both hands and fighting the urge to make you jump hard on him.

“yes.” you reply opening your eyes, starting to bounce at a slow pace. “that’s how i like it.”

you feel his dick twitch inside you with your comment, he slaps one of your ass cheeks hard, and you moan loudly.

“you like that, huh?” one more slap, this time harder. you were already bouncing crazy on his dick and both of you were moaning so much that if the loud music wasn’t playing downstairs, everyone would hear. and honestly, none of you cared.

“shit.” chris growns, digging his short nails on your waist. you leaned a little to wrap your finger around his throat and he closes his eyes, gasping. 

“so much for a dom.” you say with a shaky voice from the bouncing, tightening the grip around his neck.

he doesn’t say anything, his mind was fuzzy and raced. all he could do was moan and whimper loudly. 

the twitches got stronger and you could tell he was about to cum.

“gonna cum?” you ask him and he nods desperately, but then you stop moving. he looks at you, a mixture of annoyance and pleasure. “say you’re my little slut, chris.” you incline over, rolling your hips in slow motion and biting his bottom lip. “say it.”

he lets out a huge sigh with the painful feeling of holding an orgasm, his eyes locked into yours, a few hair strands falling over them and sweat dripping from his forehead.

“i’m your little slut.” he whispers, pressing his hands hard on your waist.

you smile at him, finally moving faster. chris feels the lack of oxygen with the combination of an insane amount of pleasure get to his head. he looks at you like he’s about to say something and you notice his hesitation.

“what?” 

“can i please cum on your boobs?” he avoids your gaze again and you feel like squeezing his cheeks, finally you nod. bouncing a couple more times and when he finally starts shaking, you get off of his lap, sitting on your knees.

chris gets up, he tries to grab his own dick, but you slap his hand.

“who the fuck said you could touch yourself?” you smirk, leading a hand wrap around his cock and begins to leisurely pump, chris tilts his head back, coming all over your boobs while you could capture every detail, his husky voice and his dick twitching uncontrollably while lots of cum shower your boobs, you made sure to get it all to your fingers and lick until there’s nothing left there.

slowly, his moans got quieter and he finishes cumming. he looks down at you, smiling and lending you a hand to get up, you smile back and grab his hand getting up.

“i fucking hate you.” he groans, pushing you closer to him by the hand and you laugh.

“that’s what someone who just lost a bet would say.” you reply and give him a little peck, he just rolls his eyes and laughs too.

“i’m doomed.” he slapped himself while you were putting back your dress, making you chuckle.

“don’t worry, my little slut.” you say calmly while putting back your boots. “you’re safe with me.” you say, giving him a wink and grabbing his tank top, throwing it at him. “you should use this more often though.”

chris squinted his eyes and a grin formed on his lips.

“will i fuck you everytime i wear this again?” he asks and you get up, turning to him.

“no, i’m the one who’s gonna fuck you.” 

when you both were properly dressed, chris opens the door so you two could go downstairs, but something was waiting for him right outside.

“i believe you have something to say, chris.” nick and matt were leaned against the wall, arms crossed and lips pressed trying hard not to laugh.

but you can’t control yourself, letting a loud laugh come out of your lips, making them unable to control themselves as well. the only one serious was chris, who rolled his eyes and stared at the three of you, sighing loudly.

“fine…” he groans and turn to you, at least he got the best fuck of his life, so he wasn’t that mad. “i was wrong.”

you, nick and matt burst out laughing again and chris holds in for a while, but soon enough he’s laughing too. 

[skylarsblue]

I still have more. More Incorrect Quotes.

(Accidentally had a lot more fem!Y/N than intended but it's overall GN!) Alex: What made you think you’d be good for the military? Y/N: I worked at a Waffle House in America. Alex: Ah, alright, that makes sense.

-- (Interrogating Valeria)

Y/N: Look, Gaz, you know me. I can't- I can't do it. Gaz: Why not? Why can't you interrogate her? Y/N: Because I'm a bisexual with mommy issues, Gaz. And she's as pretty as she is scary. I'm already not that intimidating, she'll laugh at me when I start stuttering and then I'll just be horny. It can't be me. Gaz: ....okay, I'll ask Alejandro-

-- Y/N: I just realized something...I had a bad childhood. Gaz: Yeah we know. Y/N: What do you mean you know? Soap: Look at how you stand! People who had good childhoods don't stand like that. Y/N: How do I stand?! Gaz: Like Ghost. Ghost: ...I don't appreciate the call out but fair-

-- Price: Where are you going?! Y/N: To either get ice cream or commit a felony, I'll decide in the car!

-- Ghost after watching Fem!Y/N do an incredibly risky move: I just...Is she blind?? Suffering some form of brain damage?

-- (Tw; Hollywood Undead unalive song)

Y/N: My legs are dangling off the edge, the bottom of the bottle is my only friend, I think I'll sli- Price: EXCUSE ME?! WHAT ARE YOU ON ABOUT?? Y/N: Wh- No Captain, it's just a so- Price: GHOST GET THE BASE PSYCH ON THE PHONE Y/N: CAPTAIN IT'S A SONG I'M FINE- Well I'm not bUT NO WAIT HANG ON-

-- Valeria: *screaming in spanish* Y/N: ... Gaz: Don't. Y/N, blushing: I'm trying-

-- (During movie night; watching Venom)

Y/N: *pauses on that scene where Venoms sticks his tongue out at the guy in the street* ....Hear me out- Gaz: NO! NO. Y/N: NO NO LISTEN, LISTEN- Soap: Let them speak. Gaz: Don't encourage this! Y/N, pointing at the screen: LOOK AT IT! LOOK! Objectively you have to understand- Gaz: NOOO, it eats people! Soap: THAT TONGUE IS THREE FEET LONG AT LEAST! Gaz: No, I will not be hearing anyone out! I- GHOST, Ghost, back me up. Tell them they shouldn't want to fuck the ALIEN. Ghost, looking at the screen: Ethically, it's wrong. Gaz: Thank you. Ghost: ...objectively- Y/N: AHA! SEE?!

-- Ghost: *bends over* Y/N: *silently flips out* Soap, quietly: Wh-what? What are you-?! Y/N: SHHH *grabs Soap's jaw and turns him to look* Soap: *slack jaw* Damn- Y/N: fuckingdamnindeed- Ghost: *turns around* Soap: So it's your turn to pick dinner, what're you thinking? Y/N: Oh I dunno, maybe something pork related, uh, or cake- Soap: Aha, yeah...cake. Ghost: ....??

--

Fem!Y/N: I am not the mom of 141, that's ridiculous. Someone: You make all of them lunch every day with fruit cut into shapes, IN PERSONALIZED LUNCH BOXES Fem!Y/N: They need nutrition! Someone: You color code their items- Fem!Y/N: Look, if you were there for the item mix-ups you'd understand. Someone: YOU ARE LITERALLY FOLDING AND LABELLING THEIR LAUNDRY WITH A SHARPIE ON THE TAGS. Fem!Y/N: *holding Simon's skull boxers, writing his name on the tag* That- ...oh my god I'm the mom.

-- Ghost, watching Soap run past: WHAT DO YOU HAVE?! Soap, grinning & sprinting: A FUCKIN' BOMB Ghost: NO!!!

-- Price: Y/N, this is Lieutenant Riley, you can call him Ghost. Ghost: Y/N, looking him up and down: ...you got daddy issues? Ghost: ....maybe Y/N: Cool, same. Pleasure to meet'cha, sorry life gave you shit. Ghost, shaking their hand: Ditto. Price: *concerned sigh*

-- Price, walking into the common area at 10 pm: What in the world- Gaz, Soap, and Y/N: *all in there pyjamas with face masks on, eating snacks* Y/N: *slowly keeps chewing* Gaz: ...heeeyy siiirr... Price: It was lights out an hour ago, what are you lot doing? Soap: *slowly raises another face mask* ....Self care, sir? Price: ... Ghost, walking in at midnight for water: ....what. Soap, Gaz, Price, and Y/N: *stop gossiping* Gaz: ....hey. Soap: Evenin' L.T. Y/N: Howdy. Ghost: *looks at Price with a face mask on* Ghost: ...*sighs and sits down* Pass the Goldfish. Soap: Yeaaaah, good man! Welcome to the party!

-- Shepard: Is anyone here straight?! Price: ...*hesitantly raises hand* Laswell: *pushes his hand back down*

-- Valeria: *angry ranting* Y/N, a captive: Stop being so mean to me or I swear to god I'm gonna fall in love with you!

-- Ghost: What in the hell are you doing? Y/N: Laying in the rain. Ghost: Why? Y/N: If I lay here long enough, it feels like it washes the sad away. So I'm gonna lay here until the sad is gone. Ghost: You'll get sick. Y/N: Better sick than sad, sir. Ghost: ...*looks at the sky, back down, sighs* Ghost: *lays down on the tarmac* Y/N: Got a lot of sad? Ghost: ...Yeah. Y/N: If the rain doesn't take care of it, let's trade sads. Then it'll at least be a different kind of sad. Ghost: Not sure you want my sad. Y/N: Maybe not, but I don't think you should have to handle your sad alone either. Ghost: ...alright. Y/N: Cool.

-- Price: Simon, it's three o' clock in the morning. Why on earth are you making chocolate pudding? Ghost: Because I've lost control of my life.

-- Soap, with a gunshot wound: Do I regret it? Yes. Will I do it again? Most likely.

-- Y/N after doing something so badass it would fit in a movie: ...DID EVERYONE SEE THAT?? CAUSE I WILL NOT BE DOING IT AGAIN.

-- Ghost: You kidnapped the prime minister's daughter? That's illegal! Soap: Okay, Ghost, but what's more illegal? Briefly inconveniencing the prime minister's daughter, or destroying 141? Ghost: KIDNAPPING THE PRIME MINISTER'S DAUGHTER, JOHNNY! Fem!Y/N: Do you guys have like, a water or something? Snack maybe? No?

-- Y/N: I think there's been some confusion. I'm not the one in trouble here. Enemy Soldier: ...What? Y/N: There are only four of you. You'll need more than that. Gaz, hearing it over the intercom: ...they're gonna whoop-ass but we should probably go help them.

-- Someone: Why are you doing their straps for them? Price: They don't like velcro. Someone: Just do it yourself! Y/N: I'm not touching that stuff! I'll get neurotypical cooties.

-- Y/N, high on painkillers: If yo leg get cut off, would it hurt? Soap, in a hospital bed beside them: ...DUH Y/N: How though? Soap: Cause your leg got cut off! Y/N: Where you gonna feel the pain? Soap: In your le.... Y/N: Exactly bro! How you gonna feel the pain in yo leg if- Both: If your leg is gone! Soap: Whoooaaa... Y/N: Bro I swear, we're geniuses. Ghost, on his last brain cell: Fuckin'ell.

-- Ghost, about to lose his shit: Dear lord, I know we haven't spoken in a long time but if you could give me a little patience-

-- Gaz: Do you believe in God? Y/N: ...Yes & no. Gaz: Yes & No? What do you mean? Y/N: I believe there is a higher power, I believe a God exists. But...believing in God? Now that...haven't done that in a long time.

--

Gaz & Y/N: *dancing* Ghost: Can you two be serious for five seconds? Gaz, bustin' a move: Dunno sir, can you have fun for five seconds? Y/N: *stops and looks at Gaz* Gaz: *stops and is filled with instant regret* ...uh, sir, I- Ghost: Tell you what. I'll give you five seconds...to start running- Gaz: *turns to run and sees Y/N already yards away* YOU LEFT ME?! Y/N: I WANNA LIVE!!!!

-- Ghost: What are they doing? Price: Arguing in morse code. Soap: - .... .- - .----. ... / .-- .... -.-- / -.-- --- ..- .-. / ... .... --- . ... / .-. .- --. --. . -.. -.-- Gaz: -.-- .- / -- --- -- -- .- Soap: YOU FUCKIN' TAKE THAT BACK-

-- Soap: Keep your eyes closed, I have a surpriiisee!~ Ghost: You did your paperwork? Soap: I said surprise, not miracle.

-- Y/N, on tiktok: FOR ALL YOU NASTY ASSES IN MY DMS- *shows the team* THIS IS MY TEAM. STOP SENDING MY DICK PICS OR I WILL SEND THEM AFTER Y'ALL. Ghost: You've been getting dick pics? Soap: Who the hell's been harassing you online?! Y/N: SEE?? THEY'LL WHOOP YA ASS, SO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!

-- Y/N, on tiktok again: Alright, backfired on me. For all of y'all who are now trying to be nasty by THIRSTING for my teammates, uh, no. Stop askin' for my Captain's marital status, I'm not gonna tell you. No you may not get my teammate's dicks, I will not be giving you their social media, stOP ASKING I KNOW THEY'RE HOT BUT NO-

-- (I've fallen down the rabbit hole of Karen compilations, so, that's why I thought of this)

Y/N: Goodbye sir! Male Karen: Fuck you bitch! Go suck off your captain you fuckin' whore!! Y/N: Sure, I'll do that, goodbye! Male Karen: Suck my dick, whore! Y/N: Can't! It's too full of military dick, you'll need to make an appointment, GOODBYE!! Soap: *wheeze* Gaz: Jesus. Christ. Ghost: I told you all America is shit.

(Bonus Note cause I can't put in anywhere else; on the topic of Venom + C.o.D. I know we have Soap in place of Eddie & Ghost in place of Venom, but hear me out. Y/N! being Ghost's host and Johnny being a third part. P o l y ! A u !)