#is now a good time to mention that all of these are convos between my partner and I?

[rainbowspinch]

[lcvclywon]

In another universe

back to masterlist

synopsis ᯓ ᡣ𐭩 You swore the next time you saw Sunghoon you would cuss him out and turn a cold shoulder. But when he suddenly appears at your apartment door one night, drunk and desperate, you find yourself faltering

now playing > •၊၊||၊|။||||| 0:10 difficult - gracie abrams, anaheim -niki, hope ur okay - olivia rodrigo

warnings ˎˊ˗ cursing, crying, fighting, kissing, mentions of hoon being emotionally unavailable, mentions of breaking up, heavyyyy angst, mentions of alcohol, mentions of being drunk, mentions of children, open ending, use of the word masochist once, pet names

genre ⭑.ᐟ hurt to ??

pairings: non-idol ex!sunghoon x female reader

wc ᵎᵎ 1.28k

thoughts frm yuya 💭 fun fact this was actually based off a convo i had with my ex!!!!!! 😁😁😁 so! hit kinda close to home guys! anyways angst is actually so fun to write i won't even lie...

You had just finished taking a shower when you heard a few gentle and quiet knocks coming from your door, barely audible but loud enough for you to hear them. Hand still intertwined in your wet hair in an attempt to dry it, you peered out the peephole to check who was disturbing you at this hour. 

Fuck. 

Out of all the people you didn’t want to see, Park Sunghoon was at the top of that list. Yet there he stood, eyes heavy and lidded, hair a mess, and gaze averted on the floor, yet you could tell his eyes were plagued with desperation. And even though you so badly wanted to ignore him standing out there hopelessly, a small part of you wouldn’t be able to forgive yourself if you had done that. 

Keeping the door ajar you squeezed your head between the gap, his eyes immediately darted to your own. Fuck, you shouldn’t have done this. You knew you shouldn’t have done this because the moment his eyes met yours you felt the all-so-familiar sense of longing overcoming your soul, the sense of longing you’d been trying to fight off for 6 months; all for it to come crashing down on you again. Well, there goes half a year's worth of healing. 

“Sunghoon? What are you doing here?” 

“YN, I uh- I didn’t think you’d open up…” shit. His breath reeked of alcohol, of course, the only time he’d come to see you would be when he was drunk. 

“Are you drunk Sunghoon?” your words lingered with bitterness as they left your tongue 

“Just- just a bit…can I come in?” his eyes were still pleading, and that accompanied by the shaking of his voice would’ve been enough to break you. But you refused to let him do that again. 

“Sunghoon you’re drunk you really should just go home-” your hands fumbled at the doorknob as you tried to gently shut the door, but Sunghoon was quicker than you it seemed. 

“Please,” his hand reaching towards your own, “I’ll be good.” fuck. 

You hated how easily you faltered under his words, his gaze, his touch. You hated it so badly, yet you allowed yourself to do so every. single. time.

Begrudgingly you opened the door fully to let him drunkenly stumble in, collapsing at the end of your bed. A scene all too familiar that haunted you in your sleep. You swore you would never let Sunghoon back into your life, that the next time you saw him you would spit insults in his face and stand your ground, yet with one touch of the wrist the defences you raised for yourself seemed to be built upon sand. 

Seating yourself at the edge of your bed you allowed yourself to gingerly run your fingers through his hair, you missed this. However, that was all the more reason why you shouldn’t be doing this. Shouldn’t be allowing yourself to hurt again, just at the expense of a few fleeting moments of serenity. 

“Why are you here drunk Sunghoon?” 

“I,” he propped himself up, allowing him to stare into your glossy eyes, “I don’t really know. I got kinda drunk and- fuck I couldn’t stop thinking about you love.”

Love, fuck you hated how naturally it rolled off his tongue. “Don’t call me that.” 

“Sorry…” he mumbled hazily, “Don’t you miss it though?”

You did. “No.”

“Well I do, I miss you YN. I miss all of this, your hugs, your voice, your touch, your anger. Fuck, I miss being scolded by you after drinking actually, it’s weird right, maybe I’m a masochist.” he said with a small grin

“Hoonie come on-” Hoonie, you didn’t even mean to say it yet the words seemed to come out of you like it was an instinct. 

“I missed that too,” he cut in as his hand slowly drew circles around your knuckles, “Shit YN I missed you so much” his eyes slowly started to well up with tears, a few threatening to drip down. You hated how your heart still held a soft spot for him, but you hated seeing him cry even more. 

“Hoon don’t cry.” your hands reached over to cup his face, fuck if this was all so wrong why did it feel so right. Like your hand belonged there. 

“YN- fuck,” now he really was crying “I really do love you.”

Do, present tense. “Just because you loved me doesn’t mean I felt loved by you” 

The memories you tried so hard to repress suddenly flooded all back to you, the arguments, the sleepless nights, the cold glares. The reason you broke up in the first place. You tried your hardest to forget that night, the shouts between you two that filled up your apartment, the way his words pierced through your heart like a spear, the way he walked out so easily. All to just walk back into your heart like he owned the place. Fuck he did own your heart though, he never stopped owning it. 

“I’m sorry YN. I’m so so sorry, I should’ve been better. I can be better. Please, I’ll love you the way you’re meant to be loved. I won’t shut you out anymore, fuck I never should’ve. I just- please, I can’t keep living without you. I haven’t been living without you-” he was practically sobbing now. “Please YN, I mean it.”

You wiped away the tears running down his cheeks, seeming to not notice how your eyes were stinging with tears as well. “Hoonie I miss you too but, we can’t keep hurting each other like this. We aren’t good for each other” 

“We were good YN. It was so so good, I just fucked it up. Please give me a chance, I can be better.” 

Your brain told you to block out his words; and deny everything that was coming out of his mouth, but your heart seemed to overpower those commands. “It wasn’t just you Hoonie, I could’ve been better too-” 

“No you were perfect.” he blurted out cutting you off, “I never stopped loving you. Can’t we just, start over?” desperation was an understatement to describe him, god he was a pleading mess. 

You could practically hear your own heart-shattering. “I never stopped loving you either Hoonie. But you’re drunk right now, let’s just talk about this in the morning ‘kay?” 

“Okay but, can I please sleep here?” 

No, he shouldn’t. “Sure hoon”

Sunghoon made his way to the top of your bed, arm reaching out signalling you to come over. A signal you regretfully accepted. You nested yourself between his arms, breathing in his cologne while his chin rested on the top of your head. You hated this, fuck you hated how natural this felt. You hated how easily you could melt into his touch, his words, his scent. You hated how badly you loved it. 

“I love you, my YN” his breath slightly hitched before placing a gentle kiss on your forehead. 

You tried ignoring the lump in your throat but it was no use, the next words that came out of your mouth were swallowed with sniffles and quiet sobs “I love you too hoonie”

Maybe in another universe, you two could’ve talked everything out. Maybe you two could have reconciled and lived happily together again. Maybe the 4 years of dating didn’t disappear in one night. Maybe you two could’ve gotten married like he said. Maybe you lived in a nice 2-bedroom house in the countryside, dogs running around the yard whilst you both basked in the sunlight. Maybe you would have actually had the child you fantasised about. 

Maybe, just maybe, Sunghoon would’ve been there when you woke up the next morning.

perm taglist! (send an ask to be added) @floweryang @cupidhoons @msauthor

[queenofallimagines]

Blue lock NSFW HCs

A/n: so since I’ve let this anime take over my life completely I feel I’m overqualified to give better hcs and since I don’t have a specific scenario in this is general headcanons💕 (pls request blue lock I have brainworms)

Blue lock:

- off the bat isagi telling us he has a thigh fetish is so real it me he keeps his hands on your thigh at all times

- Really one hand on the steering wheel the other just barely in your pants fingering you

- They all kinda got that sauce in ‘em yk?

- Isagi can say “pretty thing” or “sweetness” in that low ass voice and it will have you on your knees

- NAGI CALLING YOU PRETTY

- Idk WHERE that shit came form but every fic he just calls you pretty and that’s def canon that man is 6”3 so hear me out

- This big ass man who’s usually lazy and barely paying attention putting in that work on you, keeping you pressed into the bed with his full body weight

- Mumbling in your ear in his monotone voice that’s just one octave lover

- “Cmon pretty, gunna come f’me?” he’s looking at you with his egoist eyes

- Will have you in between him and Reo

- Sorry but that’s just as canon as bachira and isagi it’s gunna happen at LEAST once

- Seishiro can run with the best of them w that ego too like he says he’s a pacifist but he’s squared up first on someone like 4 times😭

- He Probably offhandedly mentions something about you in convo with Reo and you’re done for

- They’re like gaming or something and you walk into the room

- “I’ll prove it- hey come here for a sec” and now all of a sudden you’re seated in between his delicious thighs being fingered open by nagi in front of Reo like he’s giving a tutorial😭

- I see y’all’s saying Reo would do that for inexperienced nagi but I raise you that Reo only has casual flings and has been intimate with nagi so he’s not used to their duo being a trio

- Nagi spreading your legs keeping them wide open for Reo to see everything while he leans over your shoulder and makes sure he’s focused on what he’s doing

- Something something good with his givers because gamer

- He’s working you open with his huge fingers almost unbothered by the fact that your squirming and grabbing at his arm

- Reo is a little flustered but he’s def paying attention

- They’re acting like they’re talking about the weather like you not gushing all over his fingers

- Makes you cum like three times this way before he says “Reo is pretty good with his tongue, can he have a taste too?”

- Nagi and his crazy stamina will not let you rest!

- RIN! My beloved baby boy!

- He’s a FREAK like freaky NASTY and mean about it too!

- Little slow on the uptake but once you really start learning about each other he’s working out all his frustrations on you

- Not very emotive but he’s blunt so he will make his feelings perfectly clear

- Brat tamer by default bc you push his buttons

- “Keep that same energy when I get you alone”

- Fucks you in the locker rooms

- Likes you wearing his jersey while he does it

- Had hella pictures and videos of it too that you don’t remember him taking😭

- Keep him company on his long away games💕

- Everyone knows he’s having good sex bc he has scratch marks all over his back and dares someone to say shit about them

- Since like every single one of his dispositions is bc of Sae you have to be patient with him

- The itoshi issue is that they will have conflicts in their head, decide what YOU are gunna say and make choices silently based off that

- Like bitch if you don’t TALK TO ME??

- Rin will not start the convo and avoid you in a fight bc in his mind he fucked up and you never want to see him again but like did I say that??

- You gotta go to him and be like say what the fuck you’re thinking :/

- Both the itoshi brothers are rough

- Rin will use his insane stamina to fuck you right to sleep like he’s trying to watch a game stop playing w him

- Probably end up fucking you with or in-front of isagi

- One thing about Rin Itoshi is that he has something to prove always

- Sae and shidou you already know lmao

- My favs?? Come the fuck ON they have nasty ass sex daily

- Sae count your fucking days bc imma best your ass 😐

- However,,, the dynamic between him and Ryusei is too tasty to ignore

- Sae and his butt fetish will usually do anal if you’re taking both of them at once

- His dick is really pretty you and shidou have full length discussions about it and he is TIRED

- Sae likes to think he has you two on a leash and for the most part he kinda does

- But you might as well be on demon time too bc once you and Ryusei tag them

- Him??

- The great cold and calculated Sae Itoshi the gem of Japan will be a whiny little Bitch

- Likes to piss you off so you’ll be rough with him and Shidou right there with you

- You’re both fed up with his shit so you decide to punish him

- You edging him while Ryu fucks him mercilessly

- Imagine you’re riding him reverse cowgirl and shidou is fucking him so hard and deep he can’t breathe

- You two doing that whole outwardly ignoring him kissing while he wants you to pay attention to him clawing at your lower back and hips

- Moaning out “sorry” and babbling nonsense

- Cums a lot and it’s thick in consistency

- Whimpers when you and shidou taste him on each other and he can’t kiss either of you

- Tears steaming down his face while he struggles to keep his eyes from rolling back and can barely even say what he wants because he’s moaning so much

- Aftercare is so cute bc you both clean him up and give him as many kisses as he wants

- That really fixes his attitude LMAO

- Isagi can get pretty try mean too you trigger that ego and he’s just as ruthless as he is in the field

- “You think I’m gunna let you cum after you spent all day on my nerves? Be serious”

- He’s big on eye contact

- Will sit back in a chair and stare at you as he makes you ride him with no help

- “Go on, you wanted it, ain’t you?”

- Spanks you hard

- Chigiri hyoma is HUNG

- like oh my god pretty face huge dick

- People paint him as like corset when he’s like really mild mannered and mean? Lmao his egoist profile even says he’s mean

- He’s blunt and says exactly what he means

- If “okay?? AND??” Was a person😭

- Will get choked up if you kiss the scar on his knee when you go down on him

- “Cmon you can take more than that can’t you?”

- He can go fast but likes going slow and deep

- Really savor the moment

- Wants to feel every second of you going up and down his dick

- Meanie!!

- “You’re creaming around me already and I’ve barely made it all the way in”

- Preps you really good before hand too that’s like mandatory even if you’re ready he’s going to have you cum on his tongue or fingers first

- Gets pussy drunk a lot and ends up fucking himself into overstimulation

- Liked his hair pulled on

- Barou? Whew the king definitely deserves that title!

- A big fan of slow and deep like Chigiri

- Will make you face him as he fucks up into you

- “Quit wining and take it, you’re the one who kept begging for me to fuck you all day”

- Will clean the sheets fully after sex like lmao he’s changing the whole bed

- Let’s see hiori too! People like to say the self proclaimed “ultra sadist” as like just a bottom all the time

- He’s more mean and doesn’t care about it

- “Ow! That kinda hurt!”

- “Hm? Good”

- Big fan of face fucking

- Shidou alone is very baby

- I’m his defense lawyer yall like he’s an aquifer taste so you can not like him

- But that’s your fault and a skill issue💅🏿✨

- He’s the unhinged very soon of isagi very emotionally intelligent and can read a room

- He simply does not CARE about others

- Very ‘if people are going to isolate me then I’ll push them away’ vibes

- Like he rly has a connection w the whole cast minus rin and kunigami

- If he hadn’t took a kick at isagi him and bachira would be besties!🥺

- They understand the same type of loneliness

- Back to the horny

- He will split you open on his cock any time of the day

- He’s very god at anatomy and chemistry like look at how tf he talks

- HES LITERALLY A STRAIGHT A STUDENT!

- Has a breeding kink in canon

- “If you keep my cum inside you for the whole game I’ll eat it out of you when we win”

- Cock bastard also

- Rin def walked in on you two once and it haunts him

- Seeing your face utterly fucked out not caring that you’re both locking eyes while shidou who’s blissfully unaware keeps bullying his fat cock into you against the lockers🤭

- He can’t look you in the face for like a month lol

- Chigiri like pegging and kunigami can suck dick rly well

- Don’t ask me how ik I just KNOW Mr. Bisexual representation has had a relationship with a guy who he was intimate with

- Bachira likes to paint your face white

- Loved seeing you with his cum on your face

- Won’t tell you he’s close when you suck him off on purpose sometimes

- “Oops, my bad! You do look pretty like this tho☺️” be so the fuck fr

[desafinado]

𓆩♡𓆪 oblivious crushes hcs

their crush on you is as clear as day, but you seem to be wearing sunglasses

°｡⋆ kaveh, alhaitham, kaeya x reader (separately)

°｡⋆ fluff, maybe a bit ooc alhaitham, lots of touchy/clingy :( and some angst in kaeya's part

note: i haven’t gone too far into sumeru yet D: (purely bc of laziness and college) so that’s why alhaitham might be a bit ooc… but! i hope yall enjoy, i had fun. (ps. this was inspired by my short convo with @kana-dayo , i hope u don't mind the tag just tell me if you want me remove it!!)

kaveh ♡

it threw for him a loop the first time. you were both walking down the port at sunset when he asked if you liked him, and you said of course you love him and you couldn’t ask for a better friend.

he thought you had rejected him when and was genuinely heartbroken for a day, until you visited the next day acting as if everything was fine.

he did not know how to proceed, but he did with caution… when he realized, you genuinely did not understand, he decided to build up the romance before asking you again.

he started making it known to you (and everyone else in the room) that he wanted to spend time with you.

“alhaitham, if you could give us a moment or tw-” “no.” “we’re having dinner out then, dear, lets go.”

of course, he would never do anything that might make you uncomfortable, the moment you express any discomfort or hesitance, he backs off.

that being said, you have never really done such, most times you’re even encouraging him

“kaveh… hugs now please :( “

and how can he not deny you?

speaking of which, he also tried to make more gentle subtle touches, taking your hand when you both walked, placing a hand on the small of your back, hugs that lasted just a second too long.

by the end of it he was extraordinarily clingy, one of his favorite moments is when your head is on his lap and he gets to caress your head.

he acts nonchalantly about it, and so do you. little did you know was that he never did that with anyone else.

“what do you mean kaveh doesn’t like hugging? we spend hours cuddling on the couch..”

to be honest he doesn’t really think much of it either, touching you is like second nature to him. you don’t mind either, because for some odd reason, it just feels right.

he’s almost certain that you like him too, but he’s too afraid to confirm it. he’d much rather stay like this in some sort of limbo between friends and lovers.

but eventually, it eats him up. he needs some sort of closure, even if it meant the collapse of his lovey-dovey facade.

everything’s in place. he had gone through all the scenarios, he knew you were in a good mood, and alhaitham was all the way in sumeru city. everything was perfect for him to make his move, all he needed was you.

“kaveh, what’s all this?”

a picnic blanket was spread out on the grass, a strawberry shortcake, sandwiches and wine laid on top. kaveh stood before it, his familiar smile inviting you to come closer. “ah, i have to admit, it is something a bit special so, please have a seat.”

you follow his advice and gently rest on the blanket, careful not to disturb kaveh’s work. he does the same and sighs. “hm… is this an anniversary or celebration of some sort? did you finally pay off your debt?” you start to ask excitedly, getting a bit ahead of yourself. kaveh simply shakes his head, chuckling softly.

“no, dear. on the contrary, if this all falls through, it could be my funeral.”

you give him a curious glance, tilting your head. he takes both his hands in yours and squeezes them gently.

“nothing that serious, do you remember when i asked you if you liked me?”

“yes… and i still do, if that’s what your concerned about.”

“when i said that, i meant to ask if you liked me as more than just a friend.”

…

…

“you mean… like family? like sibli-”

“no, no, dear god no. i mean like… lovers.”

your face turns red at the mention of that word, lovers. it implied romantic love, of course; you weren’t that dense. he’s looking straight into your eyes, awaiting a response, but your lips feel as though they’ve frozen in place. a few more seconds of silence pass, and his lips purse into a heavy frown.

“ah, i’m sorry, if you don’t… i just couldn’t go on like this, pretending that we were something more, living in ignorant bliss. i truly am sorry.”

“no, wait. kaveh…”

you finally build up the courage to speak, letting go of his hands and caressing his cheek. if there’s something you can’t ignore, its the way he’s putting himself down.

“i-i like you that way too, i just didn’t want to believe it either. i… i didn’t want to delude myself into that, so i never entertained the possibility that-”

his tender lips find yours in a kiss, interrupting your rambling along with any doubt the two of you had left. just like all of his other touches, the kiss felt right, familiar, and simply satisfying.

alhaitham ♡

feelings, specifically love, are a far too strong force that many times they most certainly overcome any logic of even the most robotic of personalities; enter alhaitham.

normally, he would be upfront about these sorts of things, giving them the ultimatum. letting them choose to accept or reject his feelings.

but this time, he didn’t want to give you that chance. he needed you to accept him, he couldn’t imagine any other possibility.

so what does he do? he takes a chance with the whole concept of “romancing” in order to win your heart.

he makes an effort to be around you more, he’ll listen to your long winded rants about the most random topics.

“so, why do you care about this again?” “i just do, i’m not quite sure why honestly.” “that’s understandable, please go on.”

he’s never been one to care about how others might perceive him, how others might react to his actions, but he cares so much about you and he wants you to trust him.

once he notices the way your lips curl up when he enters a room or the way you look at him when you feel a bit overwhelmed, he takes this as a sign that he can try being a bit more touchy.

he never really understood the appeal of it, until he felt how warm you were, how your skin brushing against his made him feel a bit more understood and loved.

and you don’t mind one bit, in fact, you’re happy that he has you to lean on (literally and metaphorically)

but you imagine his roommates' surprise to find alhaitham on the couch cuddled up with someone he had never even met.

“wake them up, and you will sleep outside.”

he truly believes he’s being subtle, but everyone (well those who have the courage to) teases him about it.

he brushes it off, but warns them not to tell you or else…

however, when he starts moving onto more overt and blatant shows of affections, he is sorely disappointed to realize that you are not catching on.

he’d gift you flowers before every outing, call you cute nicknames, and even be more honest with his own feelings.

a polite smile, a thank you, and enthusiastic nod was all you ever responded with.

he was disappointed in himself, he thought he must’ve done something wrong, that he must’ve made you uncomfortable.

he needs to confront you about this in his own way, for his sake and yours.

“it’s you…”

his voice rings out like a bell in a cathedral, snapping you back into reality. he had requested for you to meet him at one of the gazebos near the akademiya. stars had been showered upon the night sky, and it was all you could look at, until alhaitham’s voice, of course. you turn around and chuckle at his awe-stricken face.

“glad to see you too. your letter sounded quite urgent, is something the matter?”

upon seeing you, he can’t control his movements, rushing towards you and taking you into a dramatic hug. you’re quick to hug him back, offering him any and all support he might need. he buries his head into your shoulder, taking in your scent, and touch, enjoying it while it lasts. his voice almost cracks as he speaks.

“yes. i’m sorry for making you uncomfortable with my… advances. i understand if you never want to see me again.”

the shock is almost enough to knock you over, but you simply pull away and look at him with deep concern. you didn’t know where he was coming from, and you had never seen him like this.

“advances? what sort of advances?”

“the romantic ones?”

“oh! towards who? i don’t mind at all, really.”

its his turn widen his eyes, he closes his eyes and pauses. he needs to pick his next words carefully, he really wants this to be a swift death, no point in dragging his heart against the pavement.

“towards you…? the one i love is you.”

he finally admits, hoping you finally understand. he’s run out of words to say, ways to express his unwavering love for you. you flicker between his eyes and lips, confirming if what he says is true, and what he feels is real; after a moment, you speak up.

“i’m sorry, i never… i knew you were opening up, but i didn’t stop to think…”

you calmly take him back into your arms, letting his head rest back on your shoulder. you stroke his hair slowly, trying to soothe him. “i was already so happy that you seemed to be opening up to me, i didn’t realize you meant it in that way. i didn’t want to push it any further than necessary.” he allows you to touch and pamper him, allowing himself the privilege of your tender care.

“i see. so you weren’t comfortable with it? you’re not comfortable with me…?”

“no, alhaitham. i’m more than comfortable with you, and i’d do all those things with you again.”

you blush, understanding the implications of what you had just said. you just opened yourself to him, laid yourself out for him to accept or reject. you close your eyes, bracing for what comes next, when you suddenly feel yourself being lifted up and spun around gently.

“alhaitham!”

“that’s all i needed to hear, darling. from this day on, we can do all those things and more… again and again, everyday.”

kaeya ♡

he likes to tease, that is no question. making others red in the face, in anger or embarrassment, is a pastime of his.

but why is it that you of all people, his one and only crush, remain unaffected?

its not like you even have a snarky remark back or try to hide your embarrassment, you simply let it pass as though it was the cool summer breeze against your skin.

“oh my… shouldn’t you take me out to dinner first?” “uh why?”

you surely enjoyed his company and the silly jokes he’d make, even though there would be times you just didn’t understand what he was talking about.

other than that, he’d often be extra chivalrous towards you, holding the door for you, taking your hand as you walk down the stairs… but i mean that’s how knights just are, right?

though you can often feel his overprotective step out, especially when it comes to your safety, you once again chalk it to him in his cavalry captain mode.

only his closest friends and allies can detect the minor difference in his behavior around you, except you, of course. it doesn’t bother him, because it only solidifies his love for you, how serious he is about you.

sometimes he truly is just amazed with the way your mind works to rule out all romantic possibilities, its like the notion of love does not even exist to you.

he doesn’t mind it one bit, though. if anything, he wishes to be the person who introduces you to love.

he knows he can reveal his feelings at any moment, but he wants you to figure it out for yourself, that epiphany of love is something he feels everyone should experience…

that is until he catches you blushing with another person.

“oh yeah! they’ve been talking to them the entire night… they’re really hitting it off, i don’t-”

every word after that is just muffled noise to him. he didn’t understand the feeling coursing through his vein. it was a poignant mixture of jealousy, sadness, and disappointment in himself.

he immediately steps out of angel’s share, not even bothering with a drink to drown his feelings. he thought he was special to you, the way you were to him.

that’s when the creaking of the tavern doors catches his attention, revealing you.

“oh, hi.”

your voice was timid in the chilly night atmosphere, the silence between you and kaeya almost deafening. he huffs and crosses his arms, trying to pretend as if he hadn’t just felt his heart rip, shatter and

“hey, so what are you doing here? i know you’re not one for taverns, most specially on a wednesday night.”

he doesn’t miss a beat, starting his investigation. your eyes widen at his unusually stern demeanor; its not like you haven’t seen this side of him, but you don’t know have a clue as to where it's coming from. you start to sober up, feeling the excitement and adrenaline of the bar leave you. “honestly, i had nothing better to do… and i was trying to get out of my comfort zone.”

he raises an eyebrow at your seemingly simple explanation; you didn’t have any reason to lie, and to be fair, it wasn’t like he had a right to know anyways. his posture relaxes as gives you his arm, gesturing for you to take it; you, having no reason to deny him, take his arm in yours. you both start walking down the streets, no definite destination in mind.

“Is something wrong, kaeya?”

the glazed look in your eyes is something he can’t ignore, and he knows you won’t ignore his furrowed eyebrows either. he sighs letting the cold air entering his lungs, as if numbing himself before the storm truly begins.

“yes, actually there is. could i be a burden to you?”

“kaeya… you know you can always talk to me about your feelings, you’re no burden to me.”

a bitter chuckle escapes his lips, acting as if he truly had nothing left to lose. “that’s why i love you, you know? ah… i thought i’d be saying this in a drunken stammer or you’d hear from rosaria or lisa, but i’m more sober than ever and… i love you so much it hurts.”

suddenly, his touch feels much colder than it ever has, sending a shiver down your spine. you pause for a moment, the adrenaline and heat rising back up.

“k-kaeya, wait… i love you too. i’m-”

“you needn’t spare my feelings or lie. perhaps it was my fault for letting my pride get the best of me, and now you’ve been swept away by someone else, someone who makes you blush.”

your eyebrows curved into a straight line, clearly baffled by kaeya’s assumptions. yes, you were a bit oblivious when it came to love, so you feel like you’d take note if “someone swept you away”.“kaeya, i have no idea what you’re talking about, but if you’re referring to my demeanor in the bar, i was…” you face only gets redder by the moment. “i-i don’t hold my alcohol very well…”

kaeya pauses for a second, his lips parting in a small o-shape. he feels like such a fool for jumping to assumptions so quickly, but he quickly regains his composure realizing something far more crucial, a smirk plastered onto his face.

“i see. so you like me after all? and i’ve finally managed to fluster you”

“n-no, you didn’t! the alcohol just hasn’t-”

“aha, so you do love me? dear, just say the word, and i’m all yours.”

requests are open!! please do not reposts on other sites.

[dee-writes-smut]

FORGET ME NOTS (Chapter Two)

FEATURING Eris Vanserra x pregnant!reader

SUMMARY settling into The Autumn Court is scary and intimidating especially when a certain fire-blooded male takes a liking to you.

CONTENT WARNINGS vague descriptions of smut, mentions of abuse, Beron (yeah, yall, he's mentioned), Ianthe (cough, cough), vulnerable convos, flashbacks to calanmai, pregnancy, sad Eris :(

AUTHORS NOTE I know this is much shorter than the first chapter, but when I say I struggled to write this chapter, I mean I STRUGGLED. Anywho, I apologize if you guys feel like the pacing of this chapter is kind of fast, I was trying to get a lot of information in all at once so we could move on to the good stuff. Hope you enjoy ;)

SERIES MASTERLIST

As dawn broke over the Autumn Court, the first rays of sunlight crept through the tall, arched windows of my chamber, casting a warm glow that promised a new day. Despite the beauty it heralded, my heart was heavy with secrets I carried, especially now, facing the prospect of daily walks with Eris—a constant reminder of the brother he did not know he shared with me in such a profound way.

I found Eris waiting in the courtyard, his posture relaxed against the cool morning air that whispered through the turning leaves. His presence was both a comfort and a curse, wrapped in the guise of courtly duty.

“Good morning,” he greeted, his voice carrying that ever-present hint of mischief that seemed less charming today, more a wall I needed to scale or perhaps fortify.

I mustered a smile, tight-lipped and brief. “Eris.”

He seemed to notice my cool demeanor, his eyebrows lifting slightly in amusement—or was it challenge? “Shall we begin?”

The gardens of the Autumn Court were undoubtedly beautiful, but I walked beside Eris with a stiffness in my shoulders, an invisible armor against the potential wounds of getting too close. Every step was a reminder of the line I walked, balancing between necessity and fear.

“It’s beautiful here,” I commented, a safe observation as we passed a sprawling bed of flowers, their vibrant hues a stark contrast to the muted turmoil within me.

“It is,” he responded, his eyes briefly meeting mine before returning to the path ahead. “The court has its ways of ensnaring you with beauty, all the while hiding its thorns.”

I couldn’t help but snort softly at that. “Sounds familiar,” I muttered, more to myself than to him.

Eris caught the words, though, and his smile deepened. “Indeed. But sometimes, we find that even thorns have their purpose.”

We walked in silence for a few moments, the only sounds the rustle of leaves and the distant call of court birds. I felt his gaze on me several times, curious or calculating, I couldn’t tell.

“About last night—” I began, but Eris raised a hand, halting my words.

“Today, let’s set aside the past and dealings of courts for now. Let’s walk, talk, and be unburdened, at least for a moment.”

Reluctantly, I nodded, accepting the temporary ceasefire.

Our path took us deeper into the garden, where the foliage grew thicker and the outside noises fell away. Here, the air was cooler, the shadows deeper, and the sense of seclusion more pronounced. Eris seemed more at ease in this part of the garden, his steps unhurried, his eyes occasionally catching the light in a way that softened the usual sharpness.

"This is one of my favorite parts of the garden," he shared, his voice almost contemplative. "There's a peace here that's hard to find elsewhere in the court."

I looked around, taking in the dense greenery that enveloped us, the serene quiet. "It's like a different world," I admitted.

"Yes," he agreed, his gaze lingering on a particularly dense cluster of trees. "A world apart, where one can forget, if only for a moment, the burdens waiting beyond those trees."

As we walked, the conversation slowly shifted from the impersonal — comments on the weather and the garden — to more personal territory. Eris spoke of his childhood in the court, his voice tinged with a nostalgia that painted a picture of a boy who had run through these very paths, wild and unburdened.

I listened, the stories painting a picture of a different Eris, one who had existed before the weight of the court had fully settled upon his shoulders. It was in these stories that I found myself drawn in, my guard lowering just a notch as I began to see the man beneath the prince.

Our walk led us to a secluded spot with a bench overlooking a tranquil pond, a favorite retreat of Eris’s by his own admission. "I come here to think," he said as we sat. "Today, I wanted to share it."

Something in his tone, a rare note of sincerity, made me glance at him. "Thank you," I said quietly, the weight of my secrets making the words heavier than intended.

"Everyone needs a sanctuary," he replied, his voice low, almost reflective. "Perhaps, for now, this can be ours."

As we sat together, the morning light softening around us, a part of me wanted to believe in the sanctuary he offered. But the secrets I held tightened like a noose around my thoughts, a constant reminder of the stakes at play.

For now, this truce would have to do—a brief respite in a garden of hidden thorns.

In the quiet embrace of the garden, Eris and I sat together on a weathered stone bench, enveloped by a tranquil stillness that seemed to stretch on for eternity. The morning sun had just begun its ascent, casting dappled patterns of light and shadow upon the verdant landscape around us. The delicate fragrance of cherry blossoms lingered in the air, mingling with the earthy scent of damp soil and the distant melody of chirping birds.

For what felt like an eternity, we remained ensconced in a shared silence, each lost in our own thoughts amidst the serene beauty of our surroundings. The weight of unspoken words hung heavy between us, a silent barrier that seemed to grow with each passing moment.

As the sun climbed higher in the sky, casting long shadows across the garden, I could no longer bear the oppressive weight of my thoughts in silence. The chirping of birds and the rustling of leaves seemed to mock my inner turmoil, urging me to break free from the suffocating grip of my fears.

Finally, unable to endure the silence any longer, I mustered the courage to speak. "Eris?" The sound of my voice was barely more than a whisper, carried away on the gentle breeze that caressed the garden.

At the sound of his name, Eris stirred from his contemplative reverie, his eyes slowly opening to meet mine. There was a fleeting moment of recognition in his gaze, as if he had been expecting this interruption all along.

He regarded me with a cool detachment, a silent question lingering in the depths of his gaze. It was as though he were silently urging me to articulate the thoughts that had weighed so heavily upon my mind.

Summoning all of my courage, I pressed on, knowing that his patience was not limitless. "I need to speak with you," I said, my voice steadier now, though the weight of my confession hung heavy in the air.

For a moment, there was silence between us once more, the only sound the soft rustle of leaves in the breeze. Then, with a subtle nod of acknowledgment, Eris inclined his head, granting me permission to unburden myself of the secrets that had long weighed upon my soul.

(Calanmai, Fifteen Weeks Ago)

The night of Calanmai unfolded like a grand spectacle, a symphony of sights and sounds that swept through the Spring Court like wildfire. In the heart of the courtyard, beneath a sky ablaze with stars, I found myself ensnared in a whirlwind of tradition and temptation, drawn inexorably towards a destiny I could not yet fathom.

As the festivities reached their crescendo, a hush fell over the gathered throng, anticipation crackling in the air like static electricity. All eyes turned to the dais at the center of the courtyard, where Lucien Vanserra, with his mane of fiery hair and eyes that glinted like shards of emerald, stood poised to perform the Rite—the ancient ritual that ensured the flow of natural magic within the Spring Court.

I watched from the edge of the crowd, my heart pounding in rhythm with the pulsating beat of the drums that echoed through the night. Beside me, Ianthe, with her golden locks and beguiling smile, whispered honeyed words in Lucien's ear, her intentions veiled behind a facade of innocence and charm.

But I knew the truth—the truth that lurked beneath the surface, like a serpent coiled in the shadows, waiting to strike. And so, with a courage born of desperation and defiance, I stepped forward, offering myself as a sacrifice to protect Lucien from the machinations of those who sought to use him as a pawn in their deadly game.

Lucien's eyes widened in surprise and disbelief, his gaze searching mine for the truth hidden beneath the surface. And in that moment, I saw the flicker of gratitude and something deeper—a spark of hope amidst the darkness that threatened to engulf us both.

Together, we slipped away from the crowd, seeking refuge in the sanctuary of the forest that bordered the Spring Court. In the darkness, illuminated only by the soft glow of moonlight filtering through the canopy above, we found solace in each other's arms, our bodies moving in a dance of desperation and desire.

With hesitant hands, Lucien reached out to me, his touch tentative yet determined. There was a solemnity in his gaze, a silent acknowledgment of the sacrifice we were both willing to make in the name of saving the Spring Court from impending doom. Each movement was deliberate, as if he were navigating uncharted waters, unsure of what lay ahead.

As he undressed me, his fingers trailed feather-light over my skin, leaving a trail of heat in their wake. The air crackled with anticipation, heavy with the weight of unspoken words and unfulfilled desires. There was a raw intensity to our connection, a primal need that pulsed beneath the surface, driving us forward even as we teetered on the edge of uncertainty.

Our kisses were slow and languid, each one a silent plea for understanding, for absolution. And as our bodies moved together in a dance as old as time itself, I felt a sense of surrender wash over me, a letting go of the fears and doubts that had plagued me for so long.

With each touch, each caress, we explored the depths of each other's souls, seeking solace in the midst of chaos. And as he spilled his essence inside me, there was a sense of release, a letting go of the burdens that had weighed so heavily upon us.

In the aftermath, we lay entwined beneath the moonlit sky, our breaths mingling in the stillness of the night. There was a peace in that moment, a fleeting respite from the storm that raged around us. And as we lay there, lost in each other's arms, I couldn't help but wonder what the future held for us—for the Spring Court, for our people.

But such thoughts were for another time, another place. In that moment, there was only us, two souls bound together by circumstance and necessity, seeking solace in the midst of turmoil.

"What is it, little fox?" Eris's voice, gentle yet tinged with curiosity, pierced the tranquil stillness of the autumnal garden, drawing me from the depths of my reverie. The morning sun, a soft orb of golden light, filtered through the crimson leaves of the ancient oak tree under which we sat, casting a warm glow over the secluded corner of the courtyard.

Eris reclined on the stone bench with an air of effortless grace, his features masked in an enigmatic veil of indifference. His gaze, like liquid mercury, bore into mine with an intensity that sent shivers down my spine, as if he could discern the turmoil that churned within me with unsettling ease.

For a moment, I hesitated, the weight of my confession heavy upon my tongue, like stones in a riverbed. The memory of Lucien, his absence a haunting specter in my heart, mingled with the uncertainty of what lay ahead, casting shadows over the fragile sanctuary we had found amidst the autumnal splendor.

Yet, despite the tempest of emotions that threatened to engulf me, there was an undeniable pull, a magnetic force that drew me inexorably towards Eris, compelling me to lay bare the truth that simmered beneath the surface.

"I—" I began, my voice trembling like the leaves that danced in the breeze, the words caught in the tangled undergrowth of my uncertainty. With a trembling hand, I reached for my tiny bump, a silent testament to the life growing within me, the fragile thread that bound me to a future fraught with peril.

"Eris… I'm scared," I confessed, the admission hanging heavy in the crisp autumn air, a fragile offering of vulnerability laid bare before him. Tears welled in my eyes, their crystalline trails reflecting the kaleidoscope of emotions that churned within me, a tempest threatening to tear me asunder.

It was a truth I had not yet found the courage to share, the truth about my unborn child, about Lucien, about the tangled web of emotions that threatened to ensnare me in their grasp. And yet, as I spoke the words aloud, I felt a sense of liberation wash over me, as if the act of vocalizing my fears had lifted a burden I had long carried in silence.

“I know,” Eris continued after a moment, his voice tinged with a quiet sadness. “When my mother would give birth, my father would have meetings with his counsel and continue about court like nothing important was happening, too caught up in his ambition to even consider loving her. He would leave her to suffer alone, to be in pain, awful pain, alone, while she brought his children into this world,” he took a breath, watching the branches of the great tree sway before looking back to the fountain sitting before us, water streaming softly and glinting in the light of the sun.

“So, once I was old enough to see how wrong it was, I joined her in the birthing rooms. I didn’t care how many times a nurse advised me against it, how much I was beaten afterwords by my father. It wasn’t about any of that. It was about her, it was about not being alone in a time of need, to not be consumed by darkness without a twinkle of light. My mother deserved better. Still does,” Eris sighs, resting his warm hand atop mine on the bench, giving it a small squeeze. “I can not promise profection, I can not promise relief, and I can not promise life, but I can promise that you will not walk in the darkness alone, that I will be right there, by your side as you scream and claw and cry until your babe joins this world. Just as I did for my mother.”

As he spoke, his warm hand found mine on the bench, offering a reassuring squeeze that spoke volumes more than words ever could. "I can't promise perfection," he continued, his gaze steady and unwavering. "I can't promise relief, or even life itself. But I can promise that you won't walk through the darkness alone. I'll be there, by your side, every step of the way."

As the last words of our shared confessions lingered in the air, the atmosphere seemed to soften, infused with a sense of understanding and acceptance. The ancient oak tree above us rustled gently, its branches swaying in a silent dance with the breeze, as if nature itself bore witness to the fragile bond we had formed in this secluded corner of the autumnal garden.

In that moment of quiet introspection, my gaze fell upon a delicate forget-me-not that had nestled itself amidst the fallen leaves at the base of the oak tree. Its petals, a soft shade of blue tinged with hues of violet, seemed to shimmer in the dappled sunlight, a beacon of fragility and resilience amidst the earthy backdrop of the garden.

A sense of recognition washed over me as I regarded the flower, its presence a poignant reminder of the vulnerability we had both shared in this fleeting moment of connection. Like the delicate bloom that dared to flourish amidst the harsh realities of autumn, we too had found strength in our shared vulnerability, forging a bond that transcended the barriers of fear and uncertainty.

With a gentle smile, I reached out to pluck the forget-me-not from its resting place, cradling it in the palm of my hand as a symbol of the bond we had forged amidst the chaos of our intertwined destinies. And as I turned to meet Eris's gaze, I knew that in this fleeting moment of shared vulnerability, we had found not only solace but hope, blooming like the delicate forget-me-not that dared to thrive amidst the changing seasons of our lives.

TAGLIST

@purple-writer8 @defnotlucienvanserra @cherry-cin @julesofvolterra @mirandasidefics @mandziaaa @lilah-asteria @littlestw01f @skylarkalchemist @babypeapoddd @daardyrnitta

[kanmom51]

JM's Production diary Documentary

And Live 23 October 2023

So, I don't know how to do this.

Write about JM's documentary separate from his live.

Write about the two without being all over the place.

Because not too much happened, and yet so much did.

So, where do I start? How do I get through this?

At this point I have so many ideas running through my head for posts, so much so that I'm not sure just yet how this post will work out, given that everything intertwines.

I still have JM's previous live to work on as well. Yeah, kind of overwhelmed at the moment.

I guess I will just get on with it, but I do think that more than likely there will be things I will either save for another post or two or three, or forget something (that I can guarantee) or just post on repeat, cause some things we just cannot get enough of.

Let's talk about the documentary a bit.

We got to see the process of JM creating his songs. How they would start with the idea, the narrative. Then the melody, instruments and the vocals and then the actual lyrics.

JM's musicality, his talent, his creativity all showcased.

We also got to see just how nice Pdogg is. How much he loves JM, how respectful he is to him, not to mention how talented he is himself. As a matter of fact, the whole team that worked with JM were super nice and talented and they just all seemed to be having a good time, even while working to the bone.

Oh, and how none of them actually knew English, lmao.

In the documentary we were shown how JM and Pdogg chose the quote from the movie to use in the song. Only that it wasn't the one they actually used in the song itself. And that is because, as JM revealed to us in the live, they picked it without knowing what the characters were talking about, picking a convo between the characters that sounded nice to them at the time, something that would suit the song. All while the two characters were actually talking about a visa, lol. And JM, well, he found that super funny (which truthfully, it really is), so he repeated it a couple of times.

We also saw RM in the documentary sitting down with them talking about writing lyrics. Only for JM to share with us that:

Which JM found to be very funny. I guess now it is, but back then... not sure he shared that same sentiment, lol.

He kept on laughing about him being an idea bank, lol. It's ok to acknowledge your genius, man!!!

Hobi and then Jin show up in the comments while JM is watching the documentary. And I was surprised at that point, given that I really did think JM wouldn't be doing this live, that it would have been pre-recorded. But it wasn't, and thank god for that, cause we all know what happened later on. Less than 1.30 minutes out of an almost 2 hour live, but gosh, what a 1.30 minutes they were, lol.

Anyways, Hobi shows up and JM goes all shy and even stops playing the documentary telling him to leave, that he won't continue playing until he does.

Guess who won that fight, lol. Hobi, of course. JM gives in and continues, once in a while saying they will go away at 9 pm (Jin came in to say that there is some kind of something military related, lol).

Letter

Yes, let's actually start with the name of the song.

Cause for some reason, although they all talk about the song using the word pyeonji (Letter), all while the translation is Dear.Army. Like what the actual fuck? Why would they do that?

Well, we kind of know, don't we?

Someone (cough Hybe cough) is working super hard to cement the song is for the fans.

Please tell me, if this was a song completely meant for the fans, why this incessant need of the company to sell this to us? Why change the name of it in the fucking documentary, while JM and the others are literally saying the word "letter" translating it to "Dear.Army"? There is only one answer I can think of here. And you know exactly what that answer is.

I'm not going to go back to all the reasoning as to why this is way more than a song for fans, I feel like we've discussed this ad nauseam. I will only say that NOTHING we saw in the documentary contradicts what we think about Letter.

You can see, throughout the process how emotionally tasking the song is for JM. And yes, a song for ARMY could be emotional, I mean both JM and JK have immense love for ARMY, and we've seen JK burst into tears talking to army or about army, JM getting very emotional himself. But this, this was more. There are moments there when you can see the anxiety just bursting out of JM.

This song was just MORE.

Especially when you take everything you see in the documentary, JM's state of mind, his words, his behaviour, and add it all up with the lyrics, even more so the missing lyrics. Would be hard to explain how "dongsaeng" fits into "this is a song for army"... Add it to the hidden track. But not only it being a hidden track, it's a hidden track only on the physical CD. Not the digital CD. So, no streaming. A track for Army, for his fans, that not all of his fans get to hear freely? A track for Army that, hmm... maybe wasn't supposed to even be in the album?

We got more than 2 seconds of JK. That's worth a mention too, no?

When I saw this I was: fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Cause, no way under the sun, yes, pun intended, that this was about ARMY.

Army was NEVER REFERENCED AS THE SUN BY ANY OF THEM.

NEVER.

You know who was?

The level of emotion we see from the two of them throughout the process... this was so personal.

I rewatched it again today before writing these lines. It's JK's body language, it's JM's body language, it's JM going in to cup JK's face when telling him he wrote a fan song, and JK's reaction.

Dare I remind you that "Still with you" was classified by JK as a "fan song". Dare I remind you what our sentiments about that song are? Yeah, a fans song.

And I will remind you, not that you need the reminder, who happened to state for all of us to see that he was JM's fan. Happening to do so during JM's promotions of Face and before JM's Face Live, which I do not think was a coincidence AT ALL.

They are just precious. What else can I say?

There is this as well.

Also, I don't think I'm the only one seeing this. JK at the end going in for a hug, but JM, reaches out for a hand shake and a bow.

He bows.

Twice.

Now, the not going in for a hug could be one of two with JM. The first could be that it was too emotionally charged and that hug, in front of the cameras, will just be too hard. Too hard not to show the emotions. Too hard to break off.

Or, the second could be that by doing this, bowing the way he did do JK, he was showing us, the spectators, just how profoundly thankful he was for JK, and for his participating in the song.

Now that I think of it there could be a third reason. Which would be the combination of the two.

You know what I also noticed there?

That JK didn't bow back.

So, that's more or less what happened with them in the documentary. Not too much talking, when there is it's subdued, understandably so, given this is all done in front of the cameras. But, there is an undertone of emotions there.

Oh, and did I mention we see JM wearing the very important, at the time, necklace throughout the documentary? On that day of recording as well.

And happy little coincidence them wearing the black and white bucket hats? Lol.

Ok then. By now we all know that JK joined the live. And he does it exactly when they started letter. Quelle surprise. Quelle coincidence. Or was it?

Observations:

JK is too skinny. JM thought so too all while grabbing his tiddy.

JK is really tired. Said he was practicing. Eyes red. He needs to eat and sleep.

JM was genuinely surprised by JK's appearance. Th way he lights up, he was surprised and giddy and excited, his whole body movement, practically dancing in his seat with glee.

JK walks in holding his right hand in place. At first I thought maybe it was injured or hurt or unable to move, a cramp maybe, like the ones JM suffers from at times. But later on it looked like there was nothing wrong with his arm. So was that his way of holding himself back? Restraining himself? Containing himself?

JM signals for JK to talk into his mic,

Pulls the mic up forward away from his chest, and as JK comes closer he lets it go and leans back for JK to move in.

And JK, well why? The mic is right there. Why does he lean in lower? To say hello to Army? Talking to JM's what? Not the mic, that's for sure...

There did not seem to be a chair there next to JM when the live started, and when JK was leaving JM had him take a chair with him. So, as JK came into frame were the staff assuming he's going to be joining JM for the rest of the live? Also making sure to hand him a mic?

And then, JM asks JK "why did you lose so much weight?", all while reaching out his arm, and JK moves forward towards him, and you can see JK's eyes moving down to JM's arm all while JM just goes for JK's chest. Just going straight for the grab.

And JK, he loses it for just a second.

Sniff, gulp, giggle...

And we are back.

JK laughingly tells us he just practiced. But kind of still dumbfounded I guess.

And then I think JM came to as well (you know, awakening from the aftershock of his own actions, lol) and tells JK "time to go", or more so "get the fuck out of here as fast as you can and take that chair with you while you're at it, cause if you don't leave now I'm going to jump your bones right here right now".

Ok, so maybe he didn't say those words exactly, but that was the sentiment, lol.

JM apologises. Thrice.

For sending JK on his way.

And we get the hug. One of those Jikook in front of the camera hugs.

And again JM rushes JK to leave, smacking his butt while he's at it.

JK grabs the chair, tells JM to enjoy watching with Army and tells us he loves us on the way out. And JM sitting there watching JK, giggling, smile plastered on his face, waving by. But that isn't the end of it.

Because as JK leaves JM follows him with his gaze, until he waves him goodbye and only then gets back to the documentary.

And this is when we lost JM for a few minutes there during that part of the documentary, and even more so when JK was on screen singing or during their interactions.

And we also got this reaction to their hug.

What was going through your mind at that moment JM?

After JK leaves there is not too much left until the end of the documentary. And then we have a JM giggles attack. And the man is telling us he's laughing about balloon placements, but seriously, do we really think that's it?

And yes, JM was as always his own shy self while going it alone, and yes, he was finding it hard where to go with the live once the video was over, but this was just more than just plain embarrassment or shyness.

Could there have been someone there waiting for him? Someone that has that kind of effect on JM perhaps?

I don't think JK was there the whole time. He really did leave when JM was waving him goodbye (if he hadn't have left JM wouldn't have been able to get back to the documentary the way he did). But possibly, very possibly, lover boy went to shower and came back in time for JM's ending.

JM tells us during that giggle attack that he will post a pic of the funny balloons only to later post a pic of 19 balloons, the ones in the front shaped like an S. And why do I feel like that was JK's doing? The S shaped balloons...

Clearly the balloons were not placed that way at first.

Someone did this. Question is which one of them. The S, the 19, not a coincidence.

I guess that's it for this post.

Like I mentioned, I know I probably forgot stuff, and there will probably several posts to follow.

But I just needed to get this one out there for you guys. And I guess we'll add on as we go (especially seeing that I've reached my image limit here, as usual).

To sum this up.

WOW!!!

[marquezian]

#literally them in our pregnant marc hooking up with bezz au <- will counsel please approach the bench and explain

SCREAM… APPROACHES CAUTIOUSLY… we have nothing concrete its just vibes. and deranged and incoherent.

sarah @girl2dirt (everybody say hiiiii sarah.. shes new here) and i's favorite topic has been pregnant marc recently and we've also been talking about how, unrelated to pregnancy, marc and bezz should have sex thats like, marc getting his needs met purely a physical thing its not about bezz (or vale) or anything its just. marc notices bezz is willing. its post-injury marc this is post sepang marc hes more clinical more methodical more guarded. harder better faster stronger.mp3. so for marc its literally like ok. let me take care of my needs. this is fine. its of course earth-shattering mind melting sex for bezz though!!!!

this convo has led to me receiving the following message from sarah yesterday: "marc pregnant vale’s baby has sex with bezz bc horny and convenient question mark send message" and i promptly blacked out…

how and why marc is pregnant with vales baby isnt important (can i get a yay for an emotionally fucked up 2024 rosquez one night stand thoughhhhhh) the important thing is the premise of pregnant marc so horny hes like a genuine omega in heat due to pregnancy hormones. needs someone to fuck. and we were like discussing vale doesnt want to be in the picture, so the fun angle would be bezz accidentally blabbing to vale that hes been seeing marc.

why are you seeing marc, bezz? ehhh we've been hanging out. hes my friend now. allora bezz… since when is he your friend you didnt tell me..

vale grills him but has of course figured it out as soon as bezz says hes been seeing him LOL ! remembers instances of sheepish guilty puppy bezz evading questions about where hes been recently but they all thought hes just been slutting around. it all adds up immediately.

yayyyyyy !

this switches a flip in vales brain that bezz will forever wish had never been flipped because his relationship w vale will never be the same. it activates vales worst impulse.. he now sees bezz as a rival, yayyy sexual competitiveness… but its also the catalyst for marc/vale reconciling properly in this lil universe…stay with me

so we were like talking about all that leading to a threesome between bezz vale marc. theres immediately an air of vale Watching what bezz does, instructing him and guiding him bc he knows marcs body best, still, even a decade after they were first together. and bezz watches as vale does things to marc that marc never mentioned to bezz that he likes.. touches marc in ways bezz has touched marc but with bezz they never made marc quiver and react like hes reacting to vales touch… constant pangs in bezzs stomach… but its also like. bezz Notices for the very first time that vale is playing with him. vale wants to make a point vale wants to draw a line for bezz, that this isnt his playground. that BEZZ crossed a line doing this with marc. bezz sees something cold and calculating in vales eyes when he looks at him, hes only ever seen this directed at others never at him, it breaks something in him… he never forgets it ! never forgets how the realization that hes been cast out of the inner chamber of vales heart is so tied to vale instructing him to cum inside marc, and bezz cumming harder than ever before.

on the other hand marc also obviously notices vale being vale about bezz so now marc has genuine sympathy for bezz and starts liking him more. humiliatinggggg for bezz. for vale all is fine with bezz now that he drew that line in the sand :) like he made is point ! bezz "listened", its all good! conflict resolution a la valentino rossi. bezz wishes he could go back to before he and marc ever had sex. YAY

threesome leads to marc and vale having sex regularly... getting back together... vale DOES desperately want to raise that baby with him.

[myangelhaven]

This is my recommendations of HYUNJIN fics! It will be updated once in a while for new stories I have read. Hopefully the links work (lemme know if it doesn't)

Credits to the authors!! All informations written are taken from the authors' post and has not been modified. Reminder that some fics are NOT for minors, so please read the key and avoid 18+ contents.

HAPPY READING!!

KEY

[❀]: fluff [𖦹]: humour [𖤓]: angst [☄]: sad [☾]:smut [⟡]:smau [✮]: my favs

˖⁺‧₊˚ ˚₊‧⁺˖✮-------------HYUNJIN-------------✮˖⁺‧₊˚ ˚₊‧⁺˖

ONESHOTS

ten things hwang hyunjin says when he thinks you’re asleep by @soobnny [❀]

Photobooth kisses by @yyx2 [❀]

you're in the wind, i'm in the water by @astraystayyh [❀][𖤓][✮][f2l][unrequited but not]

The Kisses You Left (Marked My Soul) by @seo--changbin [❀][✮][soulmateau]

a drabble inspired by hyunjin's mole

Love potion by @ppiri-bahng [❀]

you try to slip Hyunjin a love potion thinking that he could never love you back

Waiting for us by @ppiri-bahng [𖤓][☄][happy ending][suggestive]

you’re afraid to let hyunjin love you, but he’d wait forever for you

Say yes to heaven by @astraystayyh [❀][𖤓]

seven minutes in heaven except you're heartbroken and hyunjin has a huge crush on you. angst and slightly suggestive in the end.

Say yes to me: after your seven minutes in heaven, hyunjin wants to plan out how he'll finally confess to you. except you come knocking on the door of his rented cabin unannounced. at 10:53 pm. the perfect time for love, he comes to learn.

Somebody else by @astraystayyh [𖤓][☄][ex2l][happy ending]

You and Hyunjin have broken up, guilt and blame simmering between you both. He doesn't care anymore, or so he thought. Then why does it hurt him to see you with someone else?

Untitled by @hwanghyunjinenthusiast [❀][𖤓][☾][e2l?]

Hwang Hyunjin is insufferable. You can't stand him despite the treacherous thoughts that cross your mind. Hyunjin decides to really call into question just how much you seemingly can't stand him.

Erubescent by @cle1024 [❀][𖤓][e2l]

why are my cheeks erubescent? i shouldn’t be feeling this way about you; i’m not supposed to trust you.  

Spilled tea by @quokkawritesarchive[☾][roommatesau]

Request: maybe like a hot roomate smut,? y/n and hyunjin are roomates for a while now but they barely interact and talk. one day late at night while y/n is drinking water in their shared kitchen (in just panties and a oversized shirt) hyunjin barges in for a midnight snack too (shirtless as he was sleeping) they both awkwardly bump into eachother seeing each other in such less clothing but they finally suck it up and have a good deep convo for the 1st time as roomates and they get to know a lot abt eachother. just to mention y/n is sitting on the kitchen counter while hyun is standing and the sexual tension arises mid convo. can this smut be limited to dry humping and tons of marking lolol

Places, places! By @forlix [❀][𖤓][fwb?][idolhyunjin][suggestive] 1.3K

you’re just trying to do your job; your client has other ideas.

Straykids soulmate aus by @sweetkpopmusings [❀][soulmate au] 1.3k

each soulmate has half a quote that is important to their relationship tattooed on their body.

Pretty cute by @scxrlettwxtches [❀] 1.6k

The moment Hwang Hyunjin snatched the unofficial confession from your desk (which he was definitely not supposed to read), you knew you were royally screwed.

It's a scream, baby! by @luvyeni [❀][☾][ghostfaceau][knifeplay] 1.7k NEW

you can’t help but tease the man in the mask, that’s until he catches you

Mistletoe by @iinie [❀][bff2l][mutual pining] 1.8k

pushing your feelings for him aside, you’re determined to get hyunjin under the mistletoe with his crush. what you’re not aware of, though, is that he’s crushing on you, his long-time best friend.

I didn't actually love you by @amelee23 [❀][✮] 3.1k

Your friends forced you to become part of a poetry club, and when you receive a task to write a poem about sadness, you realize you accidentally write it about Hyunjin, the guy you had a crush on and tried to forget about. And he finds out.

Gleam and glitter by @jishyucks [❀][f2l][richkidau] 3.4k

You’ve quickly established that no one at this damn charity gala cares about the event’s purpose. They were just there to party. And you wanted nothing else but to leave; alternatively, in which Hyunjin saves you from your misery to see the city’s Christmas lights.

Just like you by @milkandhyunnie [𖤓][☾][exes] 3.7k

you’re trying to move on from your toxic ex boyfriend when you run into him at the club—only to find out that he has a brand new girlfriend that looks just like you

Third wheel by @cb97percent [☾☾][3some] w/ bangchan 4.1k

It would be wrong if you were attracted to one of your best friends since they are in a relationship, but you don't know what the protocol is when you have the hots for both of them.

Boy next door by @strayed-quokka [❀][𖤓][☾][✮][chf2l][brother's bff2l] 4.9k

you’d known hyunjin for most of your life, introduced as a friend of your brothers and quickly someone who cared for you. he was there as you grew up, driving you home from parties, getting you out of lectures from your parents, or checking on you when your brother couldn’t. 

so when you’d asked the favor of renting his extra room for a year whilst you adjusted living in a new city for university, your brother didn’t even blink or question it. 

maybe he should’ve. 

Not a monster by @sunnytaes [❀][𖤓][chf2l][vampireau][victorian era][gothichorror] 5.1k

Y/N and Hyunjin had been inseparable since birth, but Hyunjin’s father’s concern over his illness put an end to their friendship. What happens when they meet again, years after Y/N had presumed Hyunjin dead, only to find that he is no longer the same Hyunjin that she knew?

It's knot you by @changbeanie [❀][𖤓][✮][soulmate au] 5.8k

Two people connected by the red string of fate are destined to be lovers regardless of circumstance. What happens when the red cord malfunctions and miraculously appears between two strangers?

Hate you! Use you! Baby @seo--changbin [❀][☾][e2l] 7.3k

Money was never easy to come by with, especially if you were never born with a silver spoon in your mouth. So, you did what you had to do in order to survive, but what happens when the person that you hate the most happens to find out about your dirty little secret?

Burning sensations by @matryosika [𖤓][☾][✮][e2l] 7.8k

Love in Times New Roman by @leggomylino [❀][secret admirer au] 8k

You studied the envelope you were holding, flipping it over a few times in your hands. The quality of the paper was nicer than normal, almost like whatever inside was more important than just a regular letter. You weren’t expecting anything, let alone anything important or special.

But it was definitely your name on the front.

The bet by @chvnnie [☾][3some] 8.2k

hyunjin and jisung make a bet. the prize? you.

Boys like you by @temptaetions [❀][𖤓][☾][pining][established relationship][breakup au] 8.5k

hwang hyunjin is like a burning fire - dangerous, passionate, and at times, hard to dissipate. you were frozen from within, your exterior only soft to his touch. when you are his polar opposite, it should be easy to melt at his fingertips, shouldn’t it?

The sound of your name by @blossomwritesthings [𖤓][☾][✮][dark academia][e2l][academic rivals] 10.6k

ever since you started studying at korean national university of arts in seoul, hwang hyunjin, the other top student of the school and the dean's son, has been an absolute thorn in your ass. although, it turns out that not all thorns are necessarily bad.

Bad ideas by @yuggyee [❀][fakedating] 13.8k

When your crush, Sam Hwang, is adamant about setting you up with his twin brother, Hyunjin, you both decide to fake date. Maybe that’s a bad idea though.

Candy hearts by @skzsauce01 [❀][𖤓][✮][e2l] 15k

He just makes you flustered in the worst way possible. All is fair in love, war, and business. When the bakery and café across from Candy Pop starts selling custom candy heart cakes two weeks before Valentine’s Day, you are livid. Bakery/Café AU, Candy Shop AU.

Just stay with me by @straywrds [❀][𖤓][☾][mutual pining][hurt/comfort][coworkers-to-lovers] 17k

It's time for the yearly winter getaway organized by your boss. You haven't participated in a little while, but this year you're determined to spend some quality time with your coworkers.

Black rose by @decembermoonskz [❀][𖤓][✮][e2l][soulmate au] 21.9k

what’s it like to know your soulmate is someone you hate? no one talks about those soulmates who despise each other and wish they could trade. this is that story.

SERIES

Yes, miss by @scribblemetae [❀][☾][teacherxstudent][camboy][slowburn] ONGOING

It wasn’t your fault, you didn’t know this was going to happen, how were you to know the person behind the videos you used to get off to was none other than your favourite straight A student Hwang Hyunjin. How would you ever look at the boy with thick black glasses properly again?

Ask Mr Loverboy by @cosmic-railwayxo [❀][𖤓][e2l][chf2l][suggestive][rivals][soulmateau][doublelife] ONGOING

Ask Mr Loverboy is a column in the university’s newspaper that gives the students love advice. However, there’s a twist: Mr Loverboy himself has never been in love. He keeps going on dates with a new person every weekend in hopes of finding that spark he always talks about to his readers but so far, his strategy hasn’t been working.

In the search for his soulmate, he stumbles upon you – the person he absolutely cannot stand and is sure he never will. Yet, despite your history, you end up teaching Hyunjin the most valuable lesson of them all. Will he push through and finally find his one and only, or will Hyunjin give up on love forever?

What a complicated question. Too bad he can’t ask Mr Loverboy about it, he could really use his wisdom.

Crush culture by @kyufiber [❀][𖤓][⟡] 44 parts

there are a few rules to follow when you’re drunk, sleep deficit, or dangerously bored: never create fake social media accounts, never use those accounts to incite general chaos and mischief, and never ever lie about your identity, especially if it’s to the prettiest girl you’ve ever seen. unfortunately for him, hyunjin’s broken all three.

Only fools fall for you by @hyunjinspark [❀][𖤓][☾] [⟡][✮✮][fwb][slowburn] 70 parts

you're excited to finally get a new start at university, majoring in the thing you love the most; dancing, and you're positive that absolutely nothing can ruin the quintessential college experience for you.

that is, until you run into your lifelong rival, hwang hyunjin and to make things worse...you can't seem to get rid of him.

Sweet like candy by @staysuki [𖤓] [⟡][✮][e2l][s2l][suggestive] 70 parts

long time rival hwang hyunjin has been the bane of your existence for as long as you can remember. thank god your secret anon textmate always has your back— sweet, caring, and good with words. definitely not like hwang at all.

⠄･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄more to come!⠄･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄

☆-------------------skz masterlist-------------------☆

[hallucinateonpaperspines]

what would happen if Ashley ended up in gotham, DC universe ?

You. You are my favorite person of the day.

Honestly, DC is so big and extensive, that I'm going to limit this to Gotham for the sake of my mental sanity. Unlike Tim Drake, I do have a caffeine limit that no number of red strings and corkboards can alter.

Just for fun, Ashlyn won't know anything beyond a casual viewer. No OP knowledge here.

How she's here is anyone's guess, some dimensional mishmashary thinning the lines between universes, some ancient relic that a villain didn't quite know what it was for before they used it, or maybe Constantine finally pushed the line too far. Maybe it was a combination of all the above.

Either way, Ashlyn's here now :)

It's quite the discombobulating experience, stumbling out of a snow-capped forest only to find yourself in the middle of a city that looks like the child of Chicago and New York going through a goth phase.

Eventually, she finds herself at a storefront. The window display has attracted a small crowd of people, as she can just make out the tell-tale glow of digital lights peaking out between silhouettes. Slipping through, Ashlyn weaves her way to the front and is met by a display of several TVs hidden behind bulletproof glass.

GOTHAM CITY NEWS! Seven heads were recently dropped off at the Gotham City Police Department. Who is this killer and what will their theme be? Breaking News: The Joker is at large, still no leads on how he escaped Arkham Asylum again. Please report suspicious clown activity, and keep gas masks on your person at all times. Join us later at 5 for-

Ashlyn bangs her head on the bullet-proof glass for a minute. A few people walk by a tiny bit faster, but for the most part, Gothamites continue on with their days.

It's the cold that gets her moving, no sense in freezing to death.

Honestly, Ashlyn fits into Gotham pretty well. Sketchy people are rather common, so her lacking any proper ID is overlooked and getting some fakes is stupidly easy. Her nonchalance towards the violence and slight PTSD over weirdly specific situations isn't uncommon either. Ashlyn gets mistaken as a Gotham native regularly, and quiet a few people are shocked when her accent doesn't match what her behavior presents.

Of course, the blending in doesn't last for long.

It starts with her neighbor. He's disturbingly quiet. Which would be fine if his apartment did stink of blood and guns and the walls weren't thin enough that she could hear every scream in the odd hours of the morning.

Ashlyn never sees him, not particularly surprising given the type of people this derelict building attracts. She's not judging, she's here too, but it just wouldn't be surprising if the pookie-bear next door is a snitch on the run. Or a serial killer.

She starts leaving cookies outside the door after the really loud days. It's a neighborly thing to do. She's not soft.

The world feels a little brighter when some bread is left outside hers.

... Dang it. She's going soft.

Que this weird shuffling of baked goods that gradually graduate to small meals being left out. It's the battle of returning the Tupperware and neither is going to return it empty.

Oddly enough, she doesn't see her neighbor's face during these exchanges. No, that update comes when she's reading out on her crummy balcony (it's late, the power has been cut again, so it's just her, a ratty book, and a circle of candles) and she looks up to see some dork pulling themselves up to her neighbor's side.

A book projectile later, a quick convo to straighten out the details, and a returned (blessedly indented) book later, all is well and silent. They are never going to mention this event again... other than giving the side eye and sometimes crawling over to help with medical emergencies she doesn't mention it. At all.

Ashlyn Moore can keep a secret. That's what initially flags Jason Todd's attention.

Of course, the entire Batfam gets pulled in after videos of the same woman surface. Ashlyn is gaining a viral reputation, smack-talking the Joker and pointing out that his goons were patsies in his bank heist, asking Poison Ivy for tips for her herb garden, joining Harley in psychoanalyzing commentary on a hostage situation, and always being weirdly calm yet feral civilian witness.

As a fun "training" attempt, bets are placed on who this strange, Gotham but not Gotham person is. By the end of it, Drake does have a red string board and it's covered in drawn-out question marks. Nightwings gets heart palpitations every time he rescues this girl and she is like "Eh, not my first zombie attack, he's less than a story tall the wimp," or "Hurt? Yeah I'm pretty sure I've got compression fractures on ribs 7 through 9. Maybe a sprained wrist... oh and a laceration on my calf, but I can hobble run so I'm fine!" or "that's a very sad clown, I've seen a spider with a scarier smile. It glowed. Literally glowed from all that acid."

The situation is not improved when Constantine shows up panicking because some dimensional entity is here but hasn't done anything, so when it does something it's not going to be good.

It gets even worse when she accidentally calls Red Hood "Jason."

[vbecker10]

On to my second request!

Pairing: Loki x Fem!Reader

Scene: One way or another, Loki is now part of the Avengers. Y/N isn't an agent at S.H.I.E.L.D., she works an ordinary job ( i.e. architect, consultant, or sales rep...etc.) but is friends/related to some agents.

Request: Y/N is set up on a fancy blind date to meet up with an agent her friend said was a perfect match for her and Loki is undercover for an intel gathering mission and needs a partner to look less suspicious. He's not her usual type, but she trusts her friend and decides to see it through. Could you please write about the two going through the blind date, she not realizing he is the wrong person until the end of the night. I'll leave the ending of whether or not they actuality end up dating or just stay friends up to you!

The Blind Date? (Part 1 of 4)

Part 2 | Part 3 & 4 in progress

Pairing: Loki x female reader

Warnings: none...? Loki annoying Thor, a vague history of terrible dates, mentions of mob activity (I guess)... idk I'm hoping for a bit funny at first then fluff in the second or third part

Summary: Your friend sets you up on a blind date with someone she works with at SHIELD but you accidentally end up on a mission with Loki

POV: This goes back and forth between Y/N's perspective and Loki's (and if you don't like how I call it Y/N POV and Loki POV... I don't care lol we've all had this convo before and you know damn well what I mean so here goes)

A/N: @soubi001 I love this idea!! I really hope you like this, I'm so sorry it took such a long time and I'm sorry it seems to be getting really long so I'm making it a few parts 💚 thanks for listening to me ramble about this one @michelleleewise

Word Count:

Dividers by: @harlequin-hangout

(Y/N POV)

"Oh come on, it'll be fun," Michelle urges but you shake your head then hide behind the flimsy plastic menu. "Don't you trust me?" she asks with a wide smile as she reaches across your other friend to tap on the back of your menu.

"Not even a little," you reply slowly in a serious tone.

She scoffs dramatically, leaning back in her chair as she holds her hand over her heart, "Wow Y/N, that really hurts." You stifle a laugh as she turns her attention to the woman sitting between you at the bar, "Can you believe her Jess?"

"Well... you don't exactly have a good track record with setting her up on blind dates," Jess answers, putting her menu down. Michelle rolls her eyes and she continues, "I mean, let's be honest, the last few guys you set her up with were-"

"Horrible," you finish her sentence, looking up from your menu.

"I was going to say not great, but horrible works," Jess agrees with a nod.

"Ugh," Michelle groans, clearly annoyed Jess sided with you on the subject. "Ok, so maybe there were a few duds here and there-"

"A few?" you ask quickly.

"I'll admit, Mark was definitely a jerk... and I guess I should have known Danny wouldn't be your type but they weren't all that bad. You have to give me some credit," Michelle says, not giving up.

"Let's see... Fred was an hour late with literally no excuse then he got annoyed when I didn't want to go to his place after. Kevin brought his cat to the restaurant in a backpack and talked to Mr. Pickles more than me. Derek kept eating off of my plate without asking and he took my leftovers. Toby was into all these weird conspiracy theories and thought Australia wasn't a real place-" you count each person on your fingers as Jess laughs hysterically at your string of terrible blind dates.

"I get it!" she practically yells, cutting you off before you can continue. "But seriously, this guy really is perfect for you. I promise."

"No. Absolutely not," you tell her, crossing your arms as you lean back in your chair. "You've set me up with enough weirdos. I'm not doing it."

"Just this last one," she pleads. "And if it doesn't work out, I'll never set you up with anyone ever again. Jess can be your witness."

You sigh and rub your eyes. "I'm not getting out of this am I?" you ask Jess.

She looks over at Michelle before answering than shakes her head, "Nope, doesn't look like it." She then adds, "Better you than me."

"Thanks," you say sarcastically. You can practically feel Michelle buzzing with nervous energy as you try to think of a way to avoid what is almost guaranteed to be another terrible blind date. After a few moments of silence you breath deeply then throw your hands up in defeat. "Fine... tell me what's so amazing about this guy," you tell her.

"Ok ok ok, so..." Michelle starts excitedly. "He's new to the city, he just moved here with his older brother a couple of months ago. He keeps to himself so he hasn't really made friends with anyone at work," she explains.

"Oh good, so he's anti-social," Jess comments and you can't hold back a laugh.

"What? No," she says then glares at Jess, "You're not helping."

"I wasn't trying to help," your friend smirks.

Michelle groans and looks directly at you, "Ignore her. He's not anti-social, I think he's just a bit on the quiet side. He reads a ton so you guys have that in common."

Jess interrupts again, "Unless he's into smut about fantasy characters I doubt they've read any of the same books recently."

"I read other stuff too," you respond, hitting her shoulder lightly but she raises an eyebrow at you.

"Can I continue?" Michelle asks and you both nod. "So he's super tall and he has a really sexy accent."

"Now those are two things you can definitely build a lasting relationship on," Jess comments and you cover your mouth with your hand to quiet your laughter.

Michelle clears her throat loudly and Jess avoids making eye contact with her. "Do I need to remind you that you are only engaged to Sebastian because I set you two up on a blind date two years ago?" Michelle asks Jess.

"No..." she answers sheepishly. "I'll be quiet."

"Good, now as I was saying..." Michelle's tone becomes excited again. "You're going to love him. Trust me."

You bite your lip then say, "Ok, I trust you. But if he's not totally amazing..."

"I'll never set you up with anyone ever again," she agrees to your terms with a smile. "I'll talk to him Monday at work to set it up."

(LOKI POV)

"Ah, there you are, brother," Thor's loud voice echoes through the small library. You sigh deeply, setting your tea on the small table next to you. You mutter a greeting in response but don't look up from your book as you turn the page. "What are you reading?" he asks as he settles into one of the leather chairs across from you.

"A book," you reply, "You have heard of those I assume."

"You know that is not what I meant," he says, you can't help but smirk in response to his annoyed tone. After a brief pause, you finally tell him the title of your book and he nods although you know he has never heard of it.

You continue to read, assuming he will grow tired of you ignoring him but after several minutes your curiosity gets the better of you. "Is there something you need brother, or did you truly come to the library to watch me read?" you ask, your eyes still fixed to your book.

"Peter told me you asked him to delete the dating profile he had set up for you," he says.

"I did," you confirm as you turn the page again. "I do not see how this is any concern of yours."

"You only had it for a week," he states.

"That was six days longer than I required it," you reply.

"Did you match with someone that quickly?" he asks in surprise.

You shrug, you hadn't opened the app once after the boy had installed it for you, "No and I doubt I would have. I do not need a computer to solve a problem I do not have."

He sighs, "Loki, you cannot spend all of your free time alone, hiding in the library."

"I am not hiding," you look up finally, closing your book. "And I do not spend all of my free time here, sometimes I read in the park or my room."

He puts his hand over his face and groans. "You know we are going to be on Midgard for the foreseeable future, brother," he reminds you unnecessarily. "It is not good for you to be alone all of the time. How about I ask Jane if she knows anyone you could spend time with? We could even go on a double date, that might be fun."

"As thrilling as that sounds," you say as you roll your eyes. "I am perfectly fine alone. Thank you for your concern, now if you wouldn't mind," you open your book again and wave your hand towards the door.

Before he can respond, the door to the library opens and a SHIELD agent with a tablet enters. She only takes a few steps inside and says, "Captain Rogers needs you to report to the briefing room in fifteen minutes."

You smile to yourself, hoping this new mission will occupy your brother for at least a few days. Thor rubs his hands together and stands up but the agent shakes her head. Thor pauses and she says, "Oh, actually... it looks like this mission is for Loki. Sorry Thor, maybe next time."

You chuckle at the obvious disappointment on his face as you stand up, your book vanishing into your pocket dimension with a flick of your wrist. "Well brother, it looks as though this uninteresting little chat of ours will have to wait until I return," you smirk as you walk past him.

(LOKI POV)

"Ok team," Stark says when everyone has taken their seats at the large oval table. "This is going to be strictly a recon mission. As most of you know the Sokovian mob has begun opening a large number of restaurants in Manhattan, Philadelphia and Boston. It's been confirmed that the majority of these establishments are being used as fronts for illegal gambling tournaments, money laundering and other criminal activities."

"Such a waste, cause the food is supposed to be really good," Barton says in a joking tone.

Natasha laughs while Rogers crosses his arms and gives Barton a disapproving look. Stark ignores the comment and continues, "Up until now we have been letting state and local law enforcement handle the mob as they normally would but there's been a new development that puts them on our radar. We just received intel that there is going to be a meeting between several members of the Sokovian mob family and two high ranking members of Hydra."

"That can't be anything good," Natasha says. "Does the intel give any details about what they might be meeting about?"

"No," Rogers answers. "That's why we need you and Laufeyson to go undercover as a couple on a date, so you can record their conversation." He opens a small metal case and continues, "You will also need to plant these four listening devices in various locations in the restaurant. Hill has mapped them out for you." You open the folder in front of you again, flipping to the floor plan of the restaurant. Hill added several notes and suggested locations for the devices.

"Since the goal of this mission is to plant the bugs, record their meeting and then get out without being noticed you'll both need to alter your appearance," Hill says to you and Natasha.

You stand up confidently, "That shouldn't be an issue." You hold your arms out slightly at your sides as a green glow surrounds you in a flash. "What do you think?" you ask, running your fingers through your unruly blonde curls. You adjust your dark rimmed glasses then roll up the sleeves on your deep blue sweater.

"Yea..." Stark says. "I'm not sure the professor look is quiet what we were talking about. You're still-"

"Incredibly handsome," you smirk.

"I was going to say tall," he rolls his eyes. "You only changed your hair and added glasses, you still look like you. Try becoming someone no one will notice."

"Ah, yes. One moment," you say then with a second flash of green your appearance changes again.

"Oh come on," Rogers says loudly. He throws his hands up and turns away from you then back quickly.

You look down at yourself and chuckle, you can't remember the last time you were this small. You crane your neck to look up at the Captain who is now almost a foot taller then you.

"What kind of game is this Laufeyson?" he asks.

You feign innocence, "I was merely following Stark's suggestion. I imagine very few people would turn their heads if I walked by as you, the pre-serum version of course."

Natasha and Barton try to contain their laughter while Stark steps between you and Rogers. "Very funny," he says sarcastically. "You get one more chance..." he warns and you nod, clearing your throat as a green glow surrounds you again.

"That's more like it," Hill says and Stark nods in agreement. You shrug, unimpressed with your current form. You reduced your usual height by nearly six inches, changed your hair color to light brown and shortened the length. Your features are different as well, your eyes becoming a dark brown, ensuring that you are completely unrecognizable.

"May I ask, what are your plans?" you turn your attention to the spy.

She smiles and takes a small device out of a pocket on her belt, placing it behind her ear. She taps the device and her face changes right before your eyes. "Its a Photostatic Veil, or Nano Mask depending on who you ask. They are nano-sized holographic cells that can change a person's features and even their voice," she explains in a flawless British accent.

"Impressive," you say with a slight nod as she turns it off. After an hour of discussing the minor details of the mission, you finally head back to your room to finish your book in peace.

(Y/N POV)

You close the door to your apartment and kick off your shoes then you walk quickly into your kitchen to set your grocery bags on the counter. You reach into your pocket and answer your phone.

"Hi Y/N," the voice on the other end greets you happily.

"Hey Michelle," you reply. You hold the phone against your ear with your shoulder as you begin to unload the groceries. "How's it going?"

"Fantastic," she says and you can tell by her voice that the date is on. "So... I talked to him at lunch today and he is definitely looking forward to seeing you this weekend."

"Great," you tell her, trying to sound enthusiastic. Maybe this wouldn't be a complete disaster like all the others, you think hopefully.

"He said he wants to try one of those new Sokovian restaurants," Michelle says. "I hear the food is amazing."

You laugh, "Me too. They seem to be all over the city all of a sudden."

"Perfect, so it's all set. This Saturday at 7, on the corner of 3rd Avenue and East 6th street," she says, pausing for a moment before adding, "Write it down, so you don't forget."

"I'm not going to forget," you mumble as you roll your eyes.

"I can practically hear you rolling your eyes at me. Look, we both know you have the memory of a goldfish. Write it down," she jokes but you know better then to argue with her.

You grab a pad and pen from one of the drawers in your kitchen and write down the time and address. "There, I made a note," you tell her. You tear off the piece of paper dramatically so she can hear it over the phone then stick it to your fridge with a magnet.

"Good," she laughs.

"So..." you pause. "Does the mystery man have a name?"

"He does," she answers.

"Do I have to guess it?" you ask.

"I'm not telling you," she says, "The last time I told you a guys name before a date, you googled him so much you could have written his biography."

"That's fair, I guess," you admit.

"Oh, I've got to go," she says, you can hear her dogs barking in the background. "I'll text you later."

"Ok, bye," you say just before she hangs up. You put the last of the items in the fridge and check your note.

(LOKI POV)

"Since Natasha got called away for a mission with Thor, you're going to need to find someone in the restaurant to use as cover. You'll be far less noticeable if you aren't sitting at the bar alone for hours. If you can, get a table as close to the targets as possible," Rogers instructs you.

"I doubt I'll have any issues finding a lovely young lady to spend my evening with," you respond as Hill hands you a small earpiece to use during the mission and the listening devices. After shifting into your undercover form, you straighten your tie and comb your hair with your fingers. Checking yourself in the small mirror you shrug, this is as good as you are going to look.

You reach for the door handle and Rogers stops you. "Remember Laufeyson, you're still on probation and this is officially your first solo mission. Stay on script and under the radar," he reminds you. "You don't want to give us any reason to reconsider the deal we made with Thor. Fury and Tony would have no issues sending you right back to Asgard if anything goes wrong."

You nod silently, not wanting to admit how well you understood the gravity of your current situation. You clear your throat then sarcastically say, "Its heartwarming to see how much confidence the team has in me."

"Just don't make us regret trusting you," he responds as you step out of the van.

Putting your hands in your coat pockets, you turn the corner from 6th Avenue onto West 3rd Street. The restaurant is visible roughly halfway down the street. When you step inside, you can see most of the tables full and the bar is crowded. The hostess walks over to you with a friendly smile and asks if you need a table.

"I'm actually supposed to be meeting a blind date here. Would it be alright if I checked to see if she was waiting for me at the bar?" you ask.

"Of course," the woman replies and you walk past her towards the back of the restaurant.

As you get closer you see several groups of friends, a few couples but only one woman sitting by herself. She is alternating between staring at her phone anxiously and looking around the room. Clearly she is waiting for someone, you think to yourself, but she is your best opportunity at the moment. You take a few more steps towards her and chuckle quietly as an idea quickly forms. You adjust your illusion so she will be the only one in the restaurant to see you as yourself and decide to go on a date, as your brother has so often suggested.

(Y/N POV)

You hold your phone nervously, seeing a new text from Michelle letting you know he was at the restaurant. You look up, scanning the large space but you have no idea who you are looking for. Suddenly your heart stops when you see Loki walking towards you with a smile.

This can't be happening, you think to yourself. Michelle worked for SHIELD but you knew she barely interacted with the Avengers or even the agents. She was on the technical side, working at least ten floors below them in the Tower. He had to be your date though, you quickly reasoned. Just moved here with his brother... really tall... sexy accent, that all sounds like what little you knew of Loki.

You look down at your phone and text Michelle, "I found him." You slide it into your pocket and get up from the stool as Loki approaches you.

"Hello darling," he says smoothly.

"Hi, I'm Y/N," you introduce yourself with a smile. You feel your phone go off but without reading the message, you put it on silent.

Please let me know if you want to be added or taken off the tag list 💚💚

@michelleleewise @soubi001 @ace-of-gay @misunderstoodself @coldnique @lokiprompts @thomase1 @mochie85 @fi-recs-fics @huntress-artemiss @sititran @xorpsbane @kkdvkyya @lokisgoodgirl @harlequin-hangout @muddyorbs @holdmytesseract @kats72 @avoliax @peaches1958 @peachyjinx @loopsisloops @unabashed-lover-of-fictional-men @high-functioning-lokipath @psychospore @dukes2581 @buttercupcookies-blog @animnerd @lokiswife-dark-fox-queen @laufeyson-16 @loki-laufeyson-1054 @pics-and-fanfics @coffeeorsomething-irl @crimson25 @simping-for-marvel @slytherclaw1227 @lokixryss @lokidokieokie @unlucky-number-13 @asuni921 @currish-rosewolfe @elizabethmidnight2017 @ijuststareatstuffhereok89 @sunshineangel-reads @eleniblue

Likes, comments and reblogs are always appreciated 💚💚

[nicnacsnonsense]

Changes I would make to “Lies My Parents Told Me”:

Instead of Giles and Buffy being Team Kill Spike and Team Zero Precautions respectively, Giles should think Spike needs to be chained up 24/7 until the trigger is deactivated while Buffy thinks it’s fine for him to walk around free as long as she’s there to directly supervise.

Giles does not collude with Robin

Buffy & Giles still have their convo but it is not a distraction nor does it involve Giles lecturing Buffy about how being a general means making the sacrifices that I’ve decided you should make.

Buffy is the one to bring up her refusal to kill Dawn suspecting that Giles might be doing the same thing again but with Spike this time. And Giles is the one to have changed his mind on his former actions, saying that he trained Buffy to be independent and a leader and it was wrong of him to follow that with second guessing and undermining any decision she made that he didn’t necessarily agree with. But he will add that that trust does have to be a two-way street; if a good leader expects their people to follow them even into decisions they don’t personally agree with, they have to make sure their people feel like their concerns and opinions are being heard. That’s Giles concerns about Spike, but also the Potentials’ fears too. (This is where he would presumably mention Robin told him about being the son of one of the Slayers that Spike killed, prompting Buffy to realize, oh shit, Robin’s going to kill Spike.)

The First as Nikki Wood should show up twice. Once to tip Robin off about Giles and Buffy being out and goading him into taking this opportunity to fight Spike (admittedly not sure how he convinces Spike to come to his place in this one), and again during the fight scene between Spike and Robin. Because this is the kind of threat they should have focused on the First posing. It’s Spike who has been turned into a feral killer via the First’s trigger vs Robin who has been manipulated by the First into pursuing his own vendetta over what’s best for stopping the apocalypse, and whoever ends up killing the other, the First wins.

Spike’s trigger breaking starts with the realization that his mom loved him, yes, and that the vampire his mother became who said all those hateful things was a different person. But from there he realizes that who he is now with a soul is a different person than the demon without it. Not completely different, the demon is still in him, just like there are still pieces of soft mousy William in him, but he doesn’t have to be either of them anymore and doesn’t have to feel guilty about the things they did. So maybe Robin doesn’t forgive Spike for killing his mom — again, sorry about that — but Spike forgives himself, and you know what, that’s all that matters to him. And that is what breaks the trigger

Also Spike lets Robin keep Nikki’s coat because that’s his dead mother’s coat, goddamn

[apollosgiftofprophecy]

Sup any angsty Apollo hc you have? I’m hungry and desperate for yummy angst to gobble up and cry myself to sleep :]

Okay, this took a little while because life, college, and July fourth happened lmao

So. I like to think about just when the purposeful emotional/psychological abuse started and when the physical abuse started between Zeus and Apollo so...TW for abuse talk.

Because, well, when Apollo was young there isn't really a need for Zeus to crack open the bolt - however, we also know from canon that Apollo was subjected to the bolt in his younger years.

Now. To the headcanons!!!!!

During the first thousand or so years of Apollo's life, Zeus was an actual good dad to him (especially compared to Ares). He spoiled both twins excessively because sweet! A couple of kids who aren't failures! Look at them!!! They're already so good with a bow!!! They're so talented!!!

In the Discord, it was mentioned that in Ancient Greece fathers usually took charge of their sons while the mother taught the daughters, so if we apply that to Apollo's life, I think we can assume that maybe, perhaps, there was some psychological abuse going on, but nothing hardcore - probably along the lines of "make me proud or earn my eternal disappointment" *points at Ares*.

The first time Zeus has to actively punish Apollo was because Gaea ordered it - Apollo killed her son Python, and Zeus (being the guy he is) would cave to her wishes. I actually have a fic in store for this convo so here's what I'm thinking:

Zeus would, of course, instantly point the blame at Gaea and deny he had any choice in the matter (even though he has gone against her wishes before...eyes the Titans in Tartarus).

Apollo, who's only paternal figure so far in his life is Zeus, wouldn't question this and only think about how unfair Gaea is (and to be fair, Python had it coming...).

When Apollo returns and he and Artemis are goofing off on Delos, the events of And By The Sun's Light happens and this, I believe, is when it starts slowly trickling into physical abuse zone.

Think about it. You are Zeus, powerful king of the gods, a new, proud father to a couple of twins that you already favor so highly.

Then one day, they both - by happenstance - gain a new domain at the same time.

Oh shit. You think. That's strange. But you shrug and hand them off to Helios and Selene, two of the most powerful Titans on Olympus.

Of course, you still keep an eye on them. You're not stupid, and get biweekly reports from their mentors on their progress - and the unease starts to trickle in.

It increases, in particular, when Apollo starts to amass other domains alongside his music, poetry, prophecy, healing, youth and light.

Truth, knowledge, harmony, ect. are all absorbed into his power arsenal and you, the king of the gods, are now sweating.

This was not suppose to happen, so now, I believe, is when Zeus started to use the "light" zaps (as stated in-series) from his bolt to keep Apollo in line. He doesn't want him to get any ideas after all.

Unfortunately for Zeus, that isn't enough to deter Apollo.

(Sidenote: I also think Zeus didn't want Helios to take "his" place - after all, abusers don't want a positive version of themselves in their victim's lives)

Enter stage left: The Olympian Rebellion.

Ohohoh...

"shit I need to ramp it up" thinks Zeus as he stares at the faces of his wife, brother, and his favorite children.

And ramp it up he does. Of course, Apollo's first stint as a mortal happens here, and man. is it bad. Troy's king is the perfect tool and metaphor for Zeus's own rule to give Apollo (and Poseidon) a taste of what else may happen if he (they) continued to defy him.

It sucks, of course. Apollo's very adamant about it not being a picnic. And for a while, after it's all over, it seems like all's well.

Of course, Zeus doesn't lay off the zaps every now and then, but it's nothing compared to later in Apollo's life.

He even considers Apollo's request to free Prometheus and grants it, because isn't he just such a considerate father?

Really, the first time he had to go gunho on Apollo with the bolt was when he and Heracles got into a fistfight - but really, what kind of king would he be if he hadn't prevented Apollo his sons from tearing Heracles each other apart?

After all, he can't show favoritism now can he?

*insert huge THIS IS SARCASM sign here*

But then...Asclepius happens. This upstart thinks he can meddle with what belongs to the gods? Well, Zeus will teach him a lesson on death - and how permanent it can be!

...he didn't take into account how Apollo would react to his son's death.

Nor the rebelliousness of the action itself.

*Alder rubs her hands together*

alrightly gang. THIS. This is it.

Apollo is turned mortal for a second time, but to Zeus's displeasure, it's actually a pretty good time for him. Admetus is friendly, and the two hit it off rather well - too well, if Apollo's very blatant, embarrassing affection is anything to go by.

Well. This just won't do!

Hmm...Thinks Zeus. What's another punishment that will let the lesson sink in?

He looks down into the Underworld.

Perfect.

So Apollo becomes a god again. He's still pretty sad, but he's feeling better - even moreso when Zeus says he's decided to make Asclepius immortal! He'll be the god of doctors!

Ecstatic, Apollo immediately agrees...and then is forced to watch as Asclepius is locked up and he's forbidden from seeing him.

Not only that, but now...Zeus brings out the eagle eye and the big guns. He alternates between nitpicking Apollo, and praising him.

And he also cranks up the voltage on the bolt, so the lesson lingers.

The Trojan War happens. Zeus simultaneously indulges and denies Apollo's wishes.

And then. *Alder gleefully rubs hands* AND THEN.

ROME HAPPENS.

BUCKLE UP THIS IS WHEN IT GOES DOWN.

Helios fades, and Apollo inherits his power. Think about that. Apollo, an already powerful god inherits the power of a Titan. And not just any Titan, but Helios.

That's a hella lotta power.

...and that's a hella lotta threat in Zeu-oops, sorry, Jupiter's eyes.

(Now Jupiter I think has differences from Zeus, but I haven't really devoted any time to drawing that line between them so stuff may change here. However, Jupiter/Jove had a emphasis on family, so my little spin on that...is right here >:))

Jupiter, like Juno, has the domain of family in Rome. He's seen as the Ultimate Dad TM. And you bet he uses that to manipulate the hell out of Apollo.

"A good son wouldn't do [insert perceived slight here]"

"What kind of example are you setting for your brothers?"

And most of all...

"What would your mother think of your attitude?"

Ow. Talk about a punch to the gut.

So yeah. Rome is when things got BAD. The bolts became a lot more constant. The emotional/psychological abuse was unbearable.

Apollo barely had anybody to go to. His options were limited.

...but the one place he did feel comfortable in was with Commodus.

(hahah, yes, I managed to reel Copollo into this too lmao)

In a classic Apollo move, our favorite god goes from one toxic influence (his father) to another (his boyfriend), really showing how ingrained the normalization of abuse/toxicity in Apollo's life is.

He has no red flag sight. He has no alarm bells.

He could walk right into a situation where the word "abuse" is labeled in CAPS and Red and he'd just go "oh shit, what did I do now?"

And his father is all to happy to "let him know" what he did "wrong".

Thanks for coming to my TEDtalk hoped this was a good ride! :D

[hungnitan]

Penacony TB 2.2 Impression

A bit story summary, here I am after 2.1 having wild imagination what if Churin become AE temporary members but it change into Boothill and made Danheng traumatized and Black Swan (in the end it's just a dream lol).

Unexpectedly we found Argenti in Penacony and then again making us suprise with sudden battling him ! But wow I think hoyo needs another arc/event story to explain Argenti power scale, just how stonk he is can entered nihility and get out alive...

After finish 2.2 I kinda get the reasons we still not getting any info regarding playable Sunday. Additionaly, it explain the reasons why Robin interview with Owlbert came out weeks faster... Now I wondering why Robin gameplay focused on FuA support

Honorable mention scene :

We have three different answer of "why we sleep ?" question and it's really mirroring their personality. Tired of living version from Churin, tired with reality from Sunday and have a hope of humanity from Trailblazer.

Here we are, Welt having a homesick and mention warriors (valkryie) from his home, btw S rank tier is basically their best groupie (lol)

As we expected, SAM is initial and sounds near gundam (lol) but I didn't expect even Firefly isn't a real name...

Remember a male voicing the story summary at finishing part ? It sounds like a boy (if I delulu it's near Heizou voice so yeah boy lol) so maybe it's him... I kinda want to know his VA~

Edit : in the end, it's Lyney (Hiro Shimono) not Heizou, I'm pretty near I guess 🤣

Jade Churin convo talking about his fate as stonehearts, the conclusion could between cut or promotion. But from my finding about Diamond personality so far, I think he's very leniant to "worth to invest" people. From Churin character story, he sounds so sure Churin gonna make profits later. Even Topaz big failure only get her one rank down because he saw she gonna make contribution in next project (Penacony). If somehow he get a cut too I don't think Churin screentime finish only at Penacony arc~ the reason mostly like if you're a screenwriter there's no way you gonna throw all the times for world building you made so meticilous for one person easily...

Overall not the best but it's pretty good, a big twist made me "HUH !?" once or twice (lol) and good change of pace too after 2.1 with Churin's dark past aside the fact some problem still not finish like what's happens with Penacony stellaron, the main antagonist basically running away and throw all blame to Sunday, Boothill searching for Oswaldo (eh moreless around his past I'm sure) and question from 2.1 that still unanswered in this version, IPC move on Penacony. Well with the epilogue finished like that I'm really sure IPC will make their move in TB next version.

From my personal opinion TB 2.2 isn't that interesting, maybe I read too many speculation before but most of them are right like Ena deep rooted on Penacony, Acheron real name eh is this even hidden lol, old man from Acheron convo means her reasons coming to Penacony (it's predictable after read halfway).

Additionaly we have "another date" with Firefly and she's just dying again this time off screen lol... and she said she's got one more dying later ? hmmm... well yeah she's cute but it's just too absurd, I can't even make any reaction about it, the things I spout after heard she dying again is just "oh she dying again huh...? Oh well she's gonna revive later anyway". Not lowering reader expectation on Firefly but isn't she just too streotype anime tragic cutie girl ? If not because of stellaron hunter + SAM too proper voice I could skip her banner easily. But she should have another chance in next version, let's see if she can turn around all my low expectation on her...

In the end, what's the problem with button Sparkle keep distributing ?

So yeah I'm more eager with next version TB !

But you know what, with Penacony TB more into nameless and we all know Oswaldo is one of them... can I hope for IPC arc ? To tell the truth, I'm very curious with him and Diamond !

[an-obsessed-cactus]

I think i may be asexual?!

(okay this got longer than expected and i wanted to stop talking cuz ppl won't read it if it's so long and then i realized I'm not here to please anybody and i just wanna process some stuff so. yeah. also i come to realizations farther down that contradict some stuff from the beginning but I'll just leave my whole thought process here)

fun. um. I've realized I'm not straight two years ago and then started learning more about all things LGBT related and think myself educated enough on this topic but.

I've been pondering my sexuality and gender identity again more in recent days and. today i randomly stumbled across a yt video where the author (are you an author on yt? my brain is glitching rn)(also the 'author' in question is @jaidenanimationsofficial wonderful videos love the animation and the humor) talks about being aroace. few hours pass, my stomach hurts like hell so i go to lay down and sleep a bit, wake up and have a realization.

i googled again what asexuality is and read some more on this. i did this before and i guess i didn't see myself in it? so i kinda crossed it off the list of possible identities. i guess because i do want to have sex. i think. I'm not opposed to it and i get horny lmao. but that's only with fictional characters and works? like i just think: that was very sexy of you. but in a platonic way?! sex doesn't cross my mind. (also can you get aroused by music? or a good written work? or movie? like not even the characters but the work itself?) sorry i dunno I'm confused.

anyway i got a bit off track. what i wanted to say was that i suddenly remembered a convo i had with my sister a while ago where we talked about what is the difference between friendship and a romantic relationship. and she said it's that u wanna have sex with them and i was like ... i don't really think that's it...

and like. i get crushes i think. but I've never experienced this want to have sex with a particular person at least that i could remember. like a want to have sex? i guess yeah i mean not rlly sth i think about much but it's not unprecedented(see: i get horny)

honestly I'm not even sure anymore if im not aromantic as well. cuz queerplatonic sounds more like my jam?

like i felt(feel?) like omnisexual described me well because i think I'd be attracted to who the person is at their core. what if ur straight as a girl, date a boy, and then it turns out he's trans? i dunno i feel like gender isn't this fixed thing which then kinda creates problems when labeling urself with a certain sexuality. aaaa people came irl and i lost my train of thought. um. i feel like labeling myself anything other than omnisexual would feel limiting. even if i never developed a crush on a girl for example (i did), i still feel like i could potentially. like there's nothing stopping me. why shouldn't I?

OKAY SO

that was written yesterday. it is now today and i have a whole lot of new thoughts and realizations.

I had a bit of a marathon with @jaidenanimationsofficial videos and i came across an older one she mentioned in the previous one i watched about being aroace(ik it's a mess) about how she couldn't understand why when romantic feelings are not mutual people don't just continue being friends. and i was like EXACTLY WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?! and um. ahem. do u really see it as a problem? I guess if everyone does. but I'm starting to seriously consider if I'm aroace as well which woah there. this happened in a span of a day and I'm not sure it's real and it doesn't feel real? some time will have to pass for me to check out this theory cuz. ppl often say they felt like there was sth wrong with them and then they discovered these terms and were like aHA that's it! that explains everything! and I didn't... have that? and I'm not sure to what extent i identify with aroace because reasons(ill talk about some of it below). and I'm not saying that not having this realization moment or not feeling like sth is wrong with me through my life devalidates my orientation and stuff but it makes me doubt i guess?

i also came to an important discovery that aroused and horny are not the same. who would have thought?! I said above i get horny but apparently being horny means to want to have sex. and i just get the physical part aka arousal. fun. someone help pls im so confused.

okay for the last part(which prolly won't be the last part but one can hope right?)

i said i realized i wasn't straight two years ago. that was when i realized i like my best friend as more than i friend. well it wasn't exactly that simple. tbh i think Lucifer(the series i am NOT a satanist) helped a lot with that? like i knew about some lgbt stuff before because I'm alive on this planet but it kinda made me think about a lot of stuff, and between that stuff was my sexuality as well. idk. it's not like i had a crush on any of the female characters. just got me thinking for some reason. like why is having sex with people you're not romantically involved with wrong? why is prostitution wrong if u enjoy it and get money for it and it's well managed and secure? but that's beside the point.

well anyway I didn't know what i felt towards my bff(I'll say bff cuz bf also stands for boyfriend so it feels weird) but it felt like more than friendship. didn't feel like sth romantic tho. then i discovered queerplatonic relationships exist and i was like i think that's it! and then new school year came i saw her again and doubts flared up. again there was never i wanna have sex with her, but there was an occasional i wanna kiss her. and she was so important to me so it has to be romantic love right?! romance is the highest form of love one can experience afterall! nothing whatsoever can compare to it!! it feels ✨magical✨ when you find you will finally be completed!!! anyways.

it felt like romantic love was the only thing that could justify me feeling this way. i won't go deeper into this because i already have a draft where i do(i have like 16 drafts with uncompleted rambles so...) I'll try to post it but. i told her and we're still good friends! it actually made me closer to the rest of my friend group(which i was only a part of on the paper before)(i was so focused on my bff before I didn't really do group) because i felt a bit distanced from her for a while(she's a people pleaser like me and even tho i think i can read her well im paranoid and i thought she may feel weird?). anyways i got close with 3 other amazing ppl in the meantime and my friendship with my bff hasn't suffered!

but between my feelings being kinda realized and me telling her a whole year has passed and in the end i wasn't even sure what i was feeling anymore just that i didn't want her not to know. idk.

now im wondering what it was. even back then half year pre confession i was thinking if it was just because someone was finally paying attention to me. i didn't really do friends before (i kinda had them but there were no deep convos or shared secrets) and then there was suddenly this person who genuinely enjoys spending time with me! and listens to my problems! and weird obsessions! this sounds kinda sad put like this ngl lmao. but this was the first time I had that deep connection with someone. two years in my confused feelings came. geez i got off track again. point is i thought i was straight up until then and then had a crisis cuz i thought i only liked her cuz she was giving me attention cuz i was straight goddamit! ANYWAYS.

this post has lost all direction. it is a frustrated ramble of a very confused person. let us continue

i will just sum up how i feel about genders and people because I'm a chronic oversharer. oops doops.

men: find them aesthetically pleasing, all celebrity crushes are in this category (there's only one really but if i found a celebrity attractive like not objectively but to me it was a man), i would also get kinda crushes on boys my age when i spent 5 minutes with them. don't ask. i think it's dopamine mining(i suspect i have adhd). im not used to male company and i kinda don't like it that much but the the ?butterflies? are still there. tbh i don't really know what to do with men. doesn't stop me from having crushes tho. i don't have any real desire to be in a romantic relationship with men. i don't exclude the possibility but i haven't found one i would want it with. i also don't know now to interact with them. let alone flirt. actually flirt in general. it feels like it would be cringe and belongs in bad movies.

women: freaking amazing!! love them! no celebrity crushes, one irl crush which might have moved beyond crush(i suspected the L word for a while) to friends or it might have never been a crush in the first place! help! now there's another friend outside of my friend group who i may like. or i just enjoy her company? im not used to this yet. i forgot i think im aroace. this is killing me.

nonbinary/other genders: I haven't met any yet. there are some on discord servers im a part of but I don't really interact much just lurk there. i think irl experience would be different anyway.

someone please explain sth to me. you have sexual attraction okay get that(not really but that's not the point). but then there's romantic attraction. how do you separate that from friendship? just this intense feelings of wanting to be with them at all times? okay myb myb let's say u can separate them from friendship. what about queerplatonic? guys??

i am starting to dislike labels. this is confusing.

also i gotta figure this romantic thing out cuz im writing a fantasy series and there's romance involved lol.

okay so i guess i am at least asexual cuz i don't see ppl and go 'i wanna have sex with them'. i am not yet thoroughly convinced im aromantic as well but we'll see about that ig. because i still don't understand what the difference between romance and deep friendship is. aghhh

although if i can't tell the difference myb that answers the question.

also how does someone who is asexual but romantically attracted to all genders label themselves? like omnisexual ig doesn't work cuz it omnisexual.

i went to google aromantic and.

"demiromantic people have romantic attraction only after forming an emotional bond with another person."

HOW ELSE DO YOU HAVE ROMANTIC ATTRACTION??? Isn't this about who the person is?! Do you just see them and go: oh this must be such a good person. what?

like i understand sexual attraction when you see someone ig. but romantic? i really need someone to explain this to me in depth. i haven't even been asking the right questions.

"Quoiromantic people can't tell the difference between romantic and platonic attractions." Welp i guess i have a new label i can stick on myself. also the name is killing me. (quoi=what in french💀)

(edit: well this thing just posted itself. I DIDN'T HIT POST WTF. but it's out there now. ig it had enough of me adding new and new thoughts. im inclined to agree)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for agreeing to go on a date with a guy even though I'm a lesbian, and then breaking up via text?

Late last year I (then 22NB) started hanging out with one of my classmates (20?M) outside of class. I had kind of a feeling that he like-liked me, he would compliment me frequently and seemed to seek me out between my other classes to hang out. As I mentioned, I am a lesbian (questioning at the time but I'm fairly confident in the label now), and while he's a nice dude I definitely wasn't reciprocating. I'm not the best at socializing and don't really have a lot of friends, on top of being super deep in the closet about every aspect of my identity, so I didn't want to screw things up by calling him out or preemptively rejecting him. The semester eventually ended, and we'd occasionally text or dm over discord during winter break.

Then right after midnight on New Years, he calls me to ask me out on a date. Here's the thing -- no one had ever asked me out. Ever. So I guess I got caught up in the thrill of getting asked out and agreed. We made plans for the next week to go and get dinner. Here's where I think I may start being the asshole: I had a week to back out and didn't. I clearly didn't like him the way he liked me, but I went on this date anyway. I think part of my though process was also like "I don't know if I'm actually a lesbian so this could be a good test to see if I like men after all!" ...even though I wasn't actually attracted to him to begin with.

The date itself was... fine? He showed up with flowers, which was a nice gesture, but conversation over dinner was kinda awkward. He also tried to kiss me after, which I shut down right away. He joked about kissing me "next time!", and I was still kinda thrown by the attempted kiss didn't know what to say so I just laughed and echoed "next time". On my way home, I was basically planning what I'd actually say to him next time I saw him to let him know I wasn't interested. We weren't official at this point, so I figured it would just be a quick convo and we'd go on with our lives.

The next semester was coming up, so I figured I'd see him then, but then when we started chatting about classes I realized that all of our classes were on completely different campuses (it's a community college, the campuses are like ~30 mins away from each other). Our schedules outside of class didn't leave us with a lot of overlapping free time (like, I work weekends, which is his only free time, he worked after my classes would get out, etc) so I wasn't sure when I'd see him irl again.

When he brought up a second date via text, I didn't want to agree to see him just to get there and dump him, that just felt like a scummy move. But breaking up via text also felt scummy! I spent a few hours just stewing over this, and eventually decided to break up via text. I didn't know when I'd see him again outside of a date, and I didn't want to string him along till then. I apologized profusely, saying that I just didn't like him the way he liked me and hoped that we could remain friends. I also apologized for letting him down via text, because of the aforementioned not wanting to go on a date with the sole purpose of dumping him. He was hurt, but overall took it well, agreeing to just stay friends, but after that our conversations just kinda... stopped. I figured I'd give him some time, but we haven't really talked since then. I feel like it's my fault, both for being the one to break things off and for not reaching out after.

So, was I TA?

What are these acronyms?

[luckyqueenreign]

Final thoughts….

Yep it’s official LITG fully gave up on us being the main character. Because how the hell do we walk back into the bedroom, everyone gets to talk about our night but us??? Not even a dumb ass “sister chat” to debrief?!

Then the final date outfits… fb really couldn’t be bothered to add in another outfit or two??? Look I hate how much they cost as much as the next person.. and I definitely have been swapping between like three dresses all season but this is final dates!!

So we knew from the texts adventure date = yacht and romantic date = beach date. I’m sorry but what’s adventurous about a yacht?? Lol. I love how ozzy keeps saying he doesn’t care about how the other dates are going and ours is better but then asks how we think the other dates are going. I thought we didn’t care about them?!?! Also reading through this date and spending TWENTY NINE gems for that cringe fest when playing THTH the dates and everything is FREE and you actually have good convos with ur dates. And he’s really just gonna keep repeating that he has a “special question” to ask us… bruh 🙄 YOU SHOULDVE ASKED LAST NIGHT

All MC could say about her date was we got on a yacht and Ozzy popped open a bottle of bubbly. It was a proper adventurous. LOL I mean if you say so! WHATS WITH ALL THE PRANKS THIS SEASON??? Pranks are the new feet!!! Pls stop hyperfixating on one thing and making it the entire seasons personality. Why was lewie in a suit?? You mean to tell me he’s rather workout in a suit rather than change into something more comfortable, in the middle of summer… in mallorca??

Grace babe!! It’s time to move on!! Picking a dress to make Ozzy regret his decision?! GIRL! Maybe that’s why he wants to ask us to be his gf in front of everyone at declarations..ok I already knew this was coming but Amelia saying it now in dress shopping makes it real he’s def gonna ask her to be his gf and Ozzy is gonna ask us… UGHHHHHHHH

The Ozzy dance and the bits scene after was cute but it seems like they’re trying to cram in as much bits as possible. I’m not complaining but wish we had more opportunities throughout the season with Ozzy.

At this point Ozzy better propose. I’m not here for the LITG proposals AT ALL but we need to one up Amelia. I will not stand for us being the same!!! Grace and Marshall’s speeches were weird that they mentioned Ozzy in them at all. Same with Bella and Lewie. Like everyone just needs to move on! Dying at the lack of spell check “your amazing good lucks” I stared at that for at least a minute, flabbergasted they really spelled looks like that. I’m sorry EXCLUSIVE?!?! That’s it??? He could’ve added in he wanted us to move in together… an i love you… something!!

Ok idk if this has bothered anyone else this season but MC has gotten like 95% of the texts all season. And now at the finale you’re making her read out the entire final?? At least make other islanders read too!

As much as obviously I loved winning. If Amelia had won but Toby stole the money I actually would’ve been just as happy. I wish there was a scenario where this could happen, so if you wanted the happy ending u could have it but if you wanted absolute chaos then that was an option too.

HAMISH LMAOOO. Best. Choice. Ever. I know my Hamish girlies are gonna be so happy with the choice to leave the villa with him 🤣

And another season coming already… ugh lol