#it triggered an existential crisis

[ghostjelliess]

If you date a writer, you don't get asked if you'd love me if I was a worm, you get asked if I murdered you and sent you to Timri eše, would you find a way to come back and get revenge after five thousand years, or just, like... Forget about me?

[jemmo]

Making sense of love for love's sake: the game

Despite all the things i absolutely adore about how the plot unravels and expands in love by love's sake, upon first watch, there's some things i couldn't piece together, which @lurkingshan echoes in their post:

'The way the author was messing with Myungha and forcing cruel choices on him really does not track with a desire to help him find happiness.'

And to preface, this is not something i fully get yet either. I think i'll need a good month and a sizeable reading list of relevant resources to understand just what/who this author/sunbae is and what his role is and how he is associated with myungha. But as always with the best shows for meta (aka bad buddy), as a plot unfolds, you can always find a better understanding by looking backwards and re-contextualising what you've already seen. so i watched ep 1, specifically the scene between myungha and his sunbae at the bar. And i will talk about how everything said in this scene has a whole new meaning now we know the full story, but for now i wanna focus on that question that they keep coming back to; "Then... will you change it for him?".

When you watch the show for the first time, your brain follows the simplest, most obvious version of the story you're being told, one where myungha has been pulled into the world of his sunbae's novel that's being turned into a game and given the opportunity to fix the thing he didn't like about it; making yeowoon happy, and thus you just think the rules of the game are imposed by the author, and so when these cruel choices first come up, you see them as the difficult roadblocks that are nevertheless necessary to any kind of game, forcing the player to make an impossible choice so that the game can continue in a certain direction and its only after that you learn whether it was the right choice or not, or there is no right choice, it simply changes the game you are playing.

And when its revealed what this game actually is, at first i tried to interpret these cruel choices, namely the choice between yeonwoon and myungha's grandma, and at best i could come up with the concept of this being a choice between staying stuck to the past aka choosing his grandma, even though he knows that choice doesn't mean she's safe bc he knows the future where he loses here, its an inevitability, but thats the small happiness he knew before it was taken away and thus that happiness is known and safe, theres no risk, versus choosing to pursue a new happiness, a love of yeowoon and thus himself, which he doesn't know, he hasn't experienced yet, and could be risky. Its a happiness that isn't guaranteed like his grandma, but its a happiness that looks to the future and has hope in it that he can find a new happiness to pursue despite what has happened in his past.

And that fits nice, okayish. But then i watched ep 1 and heard that question "Then... will you change it for him?" And watching through the rest of the eps, we come back to this scene at the bar and each time we get a new run up to the author asking this question, either new dialogue is added or we hear a different piece of the conversation entirely. It starts at the beginning of ep 1 as:

"Because Cha Yeowoon is the only one who's miserable." "It can't be helped that some people's lives are like that" "The fact that some people are destined to live that kind of life is what's vile."

Then a bit later in ep 1 we go back and its expanded.

"It can't be helped that some people's lives are like that" "The fact that some people are destined to live that kind of life is what's vile." "Why? Do you think you'd write it differently?" "Yes, definately. Someone like Cha Yeowoon, or someone like me with an awful life, can also be happy."

And then all the way on in ep 6, we get this new dialogue.

"I don't like talking about destiny." "Why?" "Because it means everything is predestined." "Then do you not believe in fate?" "Fate and destiny are the same. My grandma likes to say that. She said life is like a written book, and how you'll live and die are written in it. (...)I don't like things like this. Even if fate is already destined, I think it can still be changed. Otherwise, there's no point in trying." "Really? Then Myungha..."

And while we don't hear the author ask the same question, I feel like him getting cut off like that insinuates that the conversation leads to that same ending point. All that is to say, every time we hear this question being asked, its like we learn more and more about what this whole thing is, what the game is, what myungha is saying he will do by agreeing to do what the author asks. And every time, we see myungha being more defiant against the idea of yeowoon being resigned to his miserable ending. He starts off thinking that kind of life is destined, and while it's miserable, its not something he can fight. Then he says he'd want to write the story differently, bc yeowoon, or even him, could be happy. He challenges the idea that yeowoon, and thus himself, is fated to be miserable, and opens up the possibility for happiness for them both, but doesn't yet have the means or resolve to do it, its like he knows its possible on a fundamental level, but doesn't see it as something he can actually achieve. But then we circle back to the idea of destiny and books, both of which came up in the previous quote, and seems incredibly pertinent seen as this whole thing is about a novel this author has written. Myungha talks about how he hates the idea that life is a book where everything written is predestined to happen, from the moment you live to the moment you die. He says "Even if fate is already destined, I think it can still be changed. Otherwise, there's no point in trying." That vile way of life he described before that he said was destined, he is now saying it can be changed, and that possibility is now something he's holding onto, its what he sees hope in so that he can keep trying, bc now he finally is trying, he has the resolve, he's trying to realise this thing, this impossibility of rewriting the life he thought was destined through the way he loves yeowoon.

And coming back to those cruel choices, given this fresh context, it made me think. bc this isn't actually a game that myungha has been put into where the rules are dictated by an author completely separate from him. He said himself, he'd rewrite it, he'd change things for yeowoon. And when you start to think of it less as him fighting against a rigid, removed system and more like him being a character in a story he is trying to rewrite himself, that has both the author and his own limitations, or just his own if you're in the school of thought that the author is some figment or part of myungha himself or his conciousness, then you can start to see where these cruel choices might come from. They could be myungha, the author making edits to this new story, imposing his own doubts and limitations on himself. When he says he has to pick between Yeowoon and his grandma, what if that's the new author myungha seeing this story unfold and thinking no this isn't right, he can't have it all, i'm not deserving of this much happiness.

And what makes me like this idea even more is that when we get that second choice between ending after 14 days or getting 100 days back at the cost of resetting Yeowoon's affection to 0, that whole conversation happens in what I think the bar actually is which is this frozen moment in time where myungha is in the water with this extension of a voice in his head that is talking through these things. That conversation in itself needs its own post, but when you look at it both as a decision to break up or not or a decision to hold onto life or not, you can see how the author is just this soundboard relaying the decisions myungha is going through in his head. The author's voice is his own, weighing up his decisions. And if he is the author here, it only reinforces that the person making the rules of this game is him. You can even extend it further to the idea of the debuffs, where he puts in place this thing that makes it so he causes harm to yeowoon when he's around, and its only by garnering affection that he can prevent it. He gives himself a reason from the get go to stay away from yeowoon and reason it as him doing it for yeowoon's safety, when in fact the only way to make yeowoon safe is to increase his affection, which he can only do by being near him. Its a system that at first gives myungha a reason to stay away aka not like himself, but ultimately says the only way you're going to make yeowoon like you, or the only way you can like yourself, is if you accept risk. And that in itself screams to me of a myungha writing in these game systems that are trying to encourage his own-self love while falling at the hurdle of his own lack of self-worth.

The idea is still messy in my head even for me, but i just really like the idea that myungha could be trying to fix this thing both as a character and game master, and that both these versions of him have these flaws that manifest in their different ways to cause the events we see. It kinda is the definition of being your own worst enemy, the idea that in order to work towards loving yourself, the biggest obstacle you have to encounter is yourself, bc we are the ones holding ourselves back, making all these rules that make it harder to like ourselves and pursue our own happiness. The voices in our head telling us that we aren't good enough and aren't deserving are our own, and while the things that happen to us can inform what they say, we're the one's reinforcing those words. And what this show teaches us is that, if we're the one holding that pen all along, we can choose to change what those words are. If we make the rules, you don't have to create a game with concrete ultimatums, you can create a game where rules don't control you. Instead, you make the decisions, and you can make the ones that make you happy.

[dogstomp]

Dogstomp #3162 - August 28th

Patreon / Discord Server / Itaku / Bluesky

[hawkinsindiana]

as a fandom i think it’s about time we stop talking about joe keery’s hair. so many people treat it like it’s his only personality trait, as if he has nothing else to give. he’s asked about it countlessly in interviews, to the point that he’s stopped giving meaningful answers - “it’s just my hair.” he turned down a pr campaign from a major hair care company because he felt he’d be seen as shallow and disingenuous for promoting their products. steve harrington was entirely rewritten for him very last minute - the duffers couldn’t imagine firing him from the show because he was such a genuine and caring human being. the cast bends over backwards to compliment him and mention how wonderful he is to work with. this man has a whole ass music career that i hardly see anyone bring up. he writes music, plays instruments, is the lead vocalist, and goes on tour. just please… let him live. it’s fine if he cuts his hair. there’s always wigs and extensions. maturing is realizing that we can discuss joe and steve’s hair separately. learn to separate characters from the actors that play them. jesus fucking christ. I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL.

[princelancey]

tfw when you're faced with the reality that a quarter of the grid is younger than you

[hurtthemgently]

What if, now hear me out, the people around Cato were used to torment him? It wouldn't even need to be physical!

In my opinion, one of the most horrifying tropes is random people in your everyday life suddenly looking at you blankly and saying "Wake up. This isn't real, you're dreaming," and then going back to whatever they were doing/saying like it never happened.

Except it would be so much worse for Cato, because it isn't a dream. He just flat out doesn't exist!

Nothing would break my mind faster than my coworkers and friends randomly telling me throughout the day that I'm not real.

I'm sorry this is so long x

.

Oh I love this so much!

Masterlist

Cw: major existential crisis, meta aware whumpee, emotional whump, begging

Also tagging unreality

The presence came as he was wrapping a chunk of meat in paper. He gave soft sigh, and handed the customer her order. She swiped her card through the scanner and smiled at him.

“You’re not real.” She spoke in a cheery tone, and he could sworn he saw a small flash of gold in her eyes.

“What?” He asked softly, startled.

“I said thank you.” She smiled again, if a bit awkwardly now, and went on her way.

Cato looked around, even though he knew he wouldn’t be able to see where the audience was. Annoyed, he scraped off the cutting board and tidied up the counter.

“Is this your idea of a joke?” He whispered, leaning down behind the counter, out of earshot from everyone else. He rolled his eyes when no response came.

The presence drifted into the background, so he went back to work. Another order, and he packaged some more fish. When he rang them up, he startled at the price.

‘You’re not real’

He shook it off, handing the package to the customer. “Have a great day.” Luckily they used a card, so he didn’t have to actually know the price.

“What, is this gonna be all day?” He muttered.

Of course there wasn’t any response.

Cato took a deep breath, rolling his shoulders. He could just ignore it. At least it wasn’t painful this time. At least writer wasn’t here, mocking him or invisibly forcing his head around.

He continued through his work day, doing his best to ignore the message. It popped up in the most random places, a notification on his phone, as one of the ingredients on a label, and was said by various people.

During his break, he sat in the storage room and kept his eyes closed. He had told his coworker he had a headache.

“You’re not real” he said, slightly concerned.

“Mhmm.” Cato put his head in his hands, tears prickling at his eyes.

By the end of the day he was exhausted.

——

When he got on the bus, it got worse. Every passenger he passed told him he wasn’t real. He did his best to avoid reading anything, all the words replaced by the same message.

He put headphones on, but anything he tried to play would start with the same words. After searching through his music library, he recognized the album cover for some instrumental stuff. This worked just fine, so he left it on.

As soon as he got of the bus he started jogging through the park, and got into his apartment as soon as possible. Immediately, he went and hid under the blankets on his bed.

“I know you’re still there.” He whispered, voice breaking. “Please stop. I don’t know what you want to accomplish, and I don’t care. Just- please stop”

“Hey wanna hear something interesting?” Writer manifested seated in front of him, their particulate more solid than usual, and the blankets shifted to accommodate them.

“please..” He was sobbing quietly, refusing to look at them.

They leaned closer, their head raising the blanket off his own. “You’re not real.”

“I know that! You’ve told me this over and over! I don’t care!” He shouted, glaring at them through tears.

“It seems a bit like you do care.” They smirked, leaning so that their noses were almost touching.

“I care when you start.. making it impossible for me to live my life.” He turned away. The blankets fell back down when they dissipated.

“Your life isn’t real either.” He felt a single pat on the head through the blanket.

“I don’t care. It’s still my life, so I’m going to keep going to work and classes, and making friends and going to movies and ordering takeout. Because it doesn’t matter if it’s not real.”

“You don’t like when I say it’s not real.”

“You’re implying that it’s not important. You’re telling me my life is meaningless. That’s what bothers me!” He pulled the blankets off, glaring at where they sat at the foot of the bed. The sudden realization that reality didn’t mean importance.. it was an explanation he could accept.

They couldn’t hide their look of surprise. Taking a second to try and think, they started to speak, but decided against it, dissipating entirely.

——

Taglist: @whumpsday @firefly017

Ask to be tagged if you want!

[leofrith]

Even if its not eternal we will be remembered after our death. Idk if it helps you, it comforts me personally, I hope you too, ceasing to exist isn't so scary when I think about the repercussions of my life carrying on even if I don't exist anymore

what if you're unlikely to be remembered for anything and your life has been nothing but a series of disasters that were ultimately meaningless. 🧍🏻‍♀️

[thateclecticbitch]

I think I've had a resurgence in Obsessive Compulsive symptoms. Have made the decision to go on hiatus for the time being while I get my mental health back in order.

[pandorasboxoftreasures]

It has to be said as much as it hurts...Sorry in advance. MAJOR TW!

Earlier I was going to make a meme with innuendo of Ritch when I got a response to an earlier post I made about the nastiest of Neteyam simps while also writing my fanfic with oc Recoms and a horrible realisation shot to the forefront of my skull like a 9mm hollow point that made me immediately stop making the meme. Not sure if it’ll ever see the light of day or if I’ll even keep it on my PC anymore after this. Technically, it’s not explicit. But with what I’ve been thinking about and will explain here, it creeps me out at the moment to even look at it.

I despise those sexualising the kids, a lot. But there's still a stomach-churning thing I've realised upon further reflection especially after so many times watching The Way Of Water (think it’s been about 9 now I’ll need to do a recount)...

The Recoms are babies.

Just because they were grown for 20 years longer than usual, doesn’t make them any less babies. They woke up in adult bodies but having an adult body doesn’t make you an adult. Neither do adult memories make them adults because the implanted memories don’t make the person.

If they didn’t have those implants or they malfunctioned, what would they be? Unable to speak or walk or sit up or control waste functions even though they would have the muscle strength to because they're still newborn babies in adult bodies.

Would they still be hot then because they’ll still have those bodies?

Despite having an aesthetic, emotional, sensual and romantic attraction to Recom Quaritch myself, this is probably the main reason why I've been knocked physically ill sometimes by the extreme levels of thirst directed his way for the past few months as well as to all of the Recoms.

It's a 13 going on 30, Jack or Big situation. And people just can not shut up about their filthy, filthy fantasies everywhere I look.

And subconsciously in my brain I've been getting alarm bells going off because my stupid yet frustratingly insightful skull-blancmange can't help but notice and check philosophical, logical and moral inconsistencies like this.

But now it's not subconscious. It's conscious. It's melting my head. I can't keep quiet about it.

Are we honestly that much better than the ageing-up self-shippers? 

Yes, but still not clean of the same dirt, either. We're looking at technical toddlers here even if they don’t look or sound it. 

There's little hints peppered throughout the movie even that they're scared little kids sent out to fight and die when they're nowhere near ready to mentally under all that blue muscle and marine bravado, no matter how many adult experienced memories they upload into them. It definitely didn’t save most of their lives, for sure.

But nobody's thinking about all that. They just wanna see some blue meat and ponder angles and stripe patterns and I’m hunched over a bucket.

“Looks like an adult so is OK” is an excuse I regularly see online for those posting explicit content of canonically underaged characters that may or may not have been aged up. Including the Na’vi kids.

If we’re gonna point out the hypocrisy of that mentality, we have to accept in some way we are also victim to it. Albeit in another form.

God damn am I glad to be watching a modern sci-fi property that actually has mind-bending philosophical stuff going on again, though. Even if it’s hidden under many, many layers of subtext so as not to alienate a general audience, but I sure as hell ain’t glad that this is the property that broke my streak of never being romantically interested in fictional characters because now look what’s happened.

[shackledeath]

Trigger warning: mentions of suicide, existential crisis and extreme topics.

now I’m about to get real deep and dark but getou. I relate to him deeply. I at one point in my life was going downhill into the ideology of nihilism I was extremely suicidal going through existential crisis and believed that my life was worthless it meant nothing and that I could no longer live happily in this world. but not only that, I believed the world around me was too broken too full of hatred, racism, prejudice, unfairness, inequality, injustice and so forth. due to my experiences in life along with having mental issues and not getting help from any of the sources that were supposed to “help” me like the cops, doctors, therapists, teachers, etc. my systems had failed me, I felt there was no one that could help me (I still believe that no one can help me but I’m much much better now) or even cared about me. I went to the cops for situations like someone breaking our window and blackmail got no help. I’ve went to the doctors seizing explaining to them that idk what’s happening to me that I have epilepsy but this seizure was coming from a fall, they doubted me accused me of lying. I’ve asked my teachers for help on things I didn’t understand, they ridiculed me and made a shit show out of me. I’ve done everything and ran to aaalll those resources, they didn’t help nor care. so naturally I felt like I couldn’t live anymore there was no way I could be happy here and after the blm the protests the amount of people dying learning about medical racism my mother possibly dying due to medical racism and so forth I began to feel uncomfortable unsafe afraid of everything and all my resources and the supposed helpful systems that were around me and white people. I began to become afraid of my world. so in getous words “I can’t be happy in this world” is how I felt. how could I live in such an unjust society, how could I be happy in it. nobody cares there’s no humanity here that’s not what I saw on this earth, not in this world, not in my life. it was rooted into my mind at the time that I just couldn’t live in a world that doesn’t care for me people like me people who aren’t like me, I couldn’t handle all the injustices I was having an existential crisis. what really tore me into pieces was how no one cared about my mental health how easy it was for people to dismiss how suicide is a joke how easy it is for me to commit the fact that people think I’m crazy because I am struggling and not getting any help the fact that doctors can misdiagnose me feed me drugs and make me think that it’ll be all better once I take them HELL making me take shit that’s not even for any of my mental issues the fact that psychiatrist hospitals are more traumatizing and damaging for my mental health when they are meant to HELP you. the fact that I am scared till this day to fully commit suicide again because i am afraid for it to fail and wake up in a hospital and they tell me I have to be in a psychiatric ward for x amount of months, weeks and that I’ll be forced to stay there. so yeah I really really resonated with getou when he said he couldn’t be happy in this world, because at the time I couldn’t either.

[ozthelosttimelord]

another birthday spent wondering why I'm still alive

[l8tof1]

Hope you have/had a lovely day! 💜

thank u anon! 🥺🫶

it’s a grey rainy day here in stockholm but i had the most buttery croissant this morning so i can’t complain tbh

sending love to you and everyone reading this! may your day contain a scrumptious pastry and cozy weather! 🙏

[thecataclysmic6]

It's really hard to complain about existing with the persecutor copiloting saying stuff like "I can fix that"

[carlinha-xx]

This life is fucked. How long can an existential crisis last? I feel like I've been in a constant state of one.

[venting-town]

Men are allowed to vent about trauma with women

And it’s valid, with/without which system is being ran

Men are allowed to say they hate women

Doesn’t make them inherently evil/bad

When women say they hate men, they’re allowed to.

Doesn’t make them inherently evil/bad

Regardless of which system is being run, what universe or lack thereof

Doesn’t make them inherently evil/bad for venting about either

Just like if men say they hate men, women say they hate women

Doesn’t inherently make them evil/bad.

And that’s okay.

Trauma/triggers/lackthereof/etc

You’re allowed to feel upset by that.

And they aren’t inherently bad/evil/wrong/ /shouldn’t say/should say///etc because you. Not anybody or lack thereof or them

And that’s okay

[revon-aurora-borealis]

guys i literally cannot take how braindead r/Emkay is anymore im fucking leaving

also whoever started that stupid skinwalker meme needs to never cook again, nothing like scrolling reddit and then having a mini anxiety attack over seeing that stupid ass meme with a scary monster that basically says "repost this or i say you die" and so you do because you have severe gad and a somewhat superstitious side because of it

like im suicidal as well and that meme is so fucking triggering, and no i dont mean like "oh i just saw an mpreg anime character meme" """"triggering"""" I MEAN LIKE ACTUALLY TRIGGERING, LIKE I ACTUALLY BECOME ANXIOUS AND SCARED BECAUSE OF IT, LIKE I ACTUALLY END UP HAVING EXISTENTIAL DREAD AND SOMEWHAT FEARING FOR MY LIFE

like its like being sent a desth threat but "oh haha its just a meme why are you so scared it snot tuat serious" like bitch that was obviously going to trigger some people you literally are using all the pressure you can to get someone to repost it