#it was really triggering and i can't fully describe why

[clamorybus]

honestly i thought i was doing better with myself but last night i merely read the tv tropes page for the movie the whale and i broke down sobbing

[blitzwhore]

Tell me why I just spent an hour of my night imagining what would happen if, during the trial, it was revealed in front of all the Goetias that Blitz caused the fire, and Blitz was present, and he got really really triggered so he ran outside and Stolas followed him and found him cowering in a corner.

And then Stolas tried to touch Blitz, but Blitz hissed and hid his face, and so Stolas asked, “Darling, can I hold you? Let me hold you...” and very carefully rested his hands on Blitz before pulling him very close, at which point Blitz buried his face in Stolas' chest feathers because he couldn't bear the thought of Stolas seeing him break down like this, but he also agonizingly craved the the physical comfort.

And so Blitz just cried, and cried, and cried, feeling like he was about to die and he couldn't breathe past this and he was falling apart. And Stolas held him through it, not knowing what to do, just rocking him slowly and holding him tightly while Blitz sobbed and gasped for air, whispering over and over again, “I'm right here, I won't let go, I've got you, I'm not going anywhere.”

And eventually—after many minutes—Blitz's sobs died down, but he was still crying, just silently now, heavy tears rolling down his cheeks as he breathed Stolas in and tried to regain some semblance of control over his body. Still feeling terrified, still so, so scared that Stolas would let go of him and he would break.

Stolas didn't let go, though, and just kissed the top of his head over and over again, running his fingers up and down Blitz's back, trying desperately to comfort him. And eventually, Stolas said, “I didn't know... I had no idea...” not knowing how to finish those sentences. And, after hiccuping and fighting to catch his breath, Blitz mumbled “I—I—” but he couldn't form a single word without breaking down. So Stolas said, “It's okay, dearest. You don't have to talk about it,” but Blitz replied, “I-I want to, but I—I can't.”

And then Stolas said, “You could write it down... Would that help?” but Blitz just shook his head against his chest feathers, arguing that, “I would just m-misspell everything. I—give me a moment.” So Stolas did, holding him tight, not letting go, never letting go, and Blitz, after several seconds of trying to speak and failing, finally managed a muffled, “I was...” And then, after a few more moments, “I-I was in love with him.”

And Stolas didn't say anything—just let that information sink in heavily in his heart, that Blitz had been in love before, with someone else—and waited for Blitz to continue. “W-With Fizz. I was—I wanted to—t-to tell him. On his birthday. But I couldn't. I—” And Blitz sobbed again. “I chickened out, and pushed the guy carrying the cake, and the candles—they—”

And Stolas thought... Oh. The fire. That's how it started. His arms tightening around Blitz again, pulling him close as Blitz went on, “And Fizz was right by the fireworks when they went off and he—a-and—”

“Oh. Oh, Blitz,” Stolas rasped out, tears welling in his eyes as he took in the horror of what Blitz was describing, of causing such a horrible accident to happen. And Blitz hiccuped against his chest, his fingers digging into Stolas' sides as he held on to him with wild desperation, and said, “A-And my—my mom—” but couldn't continue, breaking down into sobs again as Stolas rocked him back and forth, back and forth, cheek pressed against Blitz's head, crying silently at the horror of what Blitz had been through. Whispering, “I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, darling.”

And Blitz clung to Stolas, feeling like he might die if Stolas let go now, feeling like even this much touch wasn't enough, like he needed to crawl inside Stolas' chest, needed to be held so fully and overwhelmingly in order to not feel like he would disintegrate at any second. But, at the same time, he felt completely unworthy of this; of Stolas. “I'm a monster,” he sobbed. And again, “I'm a monster.” And Stolas pulled him desperately closer, saying, “You are not a monster, Blitz. It was an accident. It was a tragedy, it was horrifying, but it wasn't your fault,” needing Blitz to believe it.

But Blitz couldn't, shaking his head, crying, hating himself. Hating the all-encompassing aching in his chest that made him feel like he might die from it.

“It wasn't your fault,” Stolas repeated. “I'm so sorry, Blitz. I'm so sorry this happened. I'm sorry I found out like this.” Cradling him back and forth, back and forth. “I'm sorry. And I'm not going anywhere. I'm here.”

And it was true, Blitz realized. Stolas still hadn't let go of him. His body started to believe it. He still wasn't ready to let go, though. But that was okay with Stolas, who wasn't going anywhere. No matter how long it took, he would stay with Blitz, and hold him through it.

... Aaaaand I had no idea how this mental scene played out after that so um. Bye!

[windvexer]

hiii chicken. i have an issue i was hoping you can help with, maybe give some ideas. i have a whole list of mental illnesses and a big symptom is struggling with showering everyday plus keeping my house clean. the problem is i feel like i cannot undertake any spiritual task (even a tarot reading) if i haven't fully showered+ cleaned my house. it's a mix of my religious upbringing and feeling like everything is spiritually unclean too if it is physically unclean. i cannot even wave some incense around because it feels useless. i understand the best solution to this is that i actually just keep everything clean but i was hoping to hear something else that might help too. thank you 🫶

Hi, Anon. I imagine that the best solution is probably not just keeping everything clean all the time or else you can't practice your faith.

So I'll speak on the only thing I can, which is magical cleansing theory and technique.

So first! Let's get some definitions going.

Spiritually unclean is a bit of a loaded term, I think, because usually people take "spiritual" to mean "faith; belief; my interaction with what I hold sacred" (&etc), and then spiritually unclean can sound like, "my faith tells me I'm dirty unless I clean all of the time," which I don't think is something I can help with.

Instead, we can perhaps choose more discrete terms to discuss the topic.

One helpful term here may be profane, as in, not sacred; nonreligious. This definition of profane is close to worldly, which is something secular; in contrast to the spiritual.

Completely separate from that is something we might call supernatural energy. For our purposes, supernatural energy can be described as the supernatural body of a wide variety of phenomenon, from emotions, to gods and spirits, to abstractions such as elements and concepts (try channeling the supernatural energy of beauty, or the concept of a cozy mystery novel!).

Given these definitions, we've got a couple of avenues of exploration.

Generally, a lot of witches and practitioners really do enjoy having sacred spaces in their homes. These are usually small spaces, because they tend to be difficult and even tedious to properly maintain.

Few of us have the space to maintain an entire room as a temple in the home; if we're lucky, we get a whole sacred bookshelf. Many practitioners can't, or don't want to, keep sacred spaces in their homes at all.

Wicca and Traditional Witchcraft, and I don't know whom else but I'm sure we're not the literal only two, have dealt with the concept of sacred space by casting a temporary circle, the space within considered to be highly sacred in many ways useful to a witch.

So when you say, "I feel like everything is spiritually unclean," if what you mean is, "I feel like my home is worldly, profane; I want to transform it into a sacred space suitable for practicing my faith," then my reply to you is:

Invest in the witchcraft knowledge and skills which allow you, as the witch, to delineate manageable spiritual spaces within your home and keep them magically safeguarded and separate from everyday living spaces.

Witches can build and safeguard sacred spaces; we have the technology. We can build permanent physical spaces, like altar rooms and shrines, but we can also build temporary spaces, like circles.

After all, if a construction company can block out the profanity of the outside world just by putting cladding on a frame, why can't you separate the sacredness of a small, manageable working space by building magical walls actually intended for that purpose?

Regarding self-cleansing, in your case showering:

If the purpose of your showering is to make you, personally, feel as if you've "crossed the threshold" into a state of sacredness, that's certainly not invalid.

However, it may be worth examining in your practice if A) other things can deliver you into a state of sacredness without triggering unwanted focus on physical cleaning, and B) exactly how sacred you've got to be to perform typical witchcraft practices that you'd like to perform.

In my practice, I wouldn't say I've ever got to get sacred, but I do often have to get into headspace, which may be another function that showering (and cleaning the house itself) is performing for you. If you haven't, practicing shifting your state of consciousness or entering "magical headspace" intentionally and with chosen cues may be very valuable to you.

Now, all of the above completely aside, when you say that you feel your space is spiritually unclean, perhaps what you mean is "my house regularly accumulates supernatural energy, and I feel that it's useless to practice if these other energies are getting in the way."

And that's a whole other can of beans.

The short answer is that this can be dealt with in the same way as sacredness; draw a magical line in the sand, and say "this smaller space is where I'm doing my working, and I'll manage the energy inside of it, but not without."

The long answer is to perhaps begin questioning why your home is so filled with all these stifling supernatural energies, and how you can take proactive steps to limit unwanted types.

People and animals tend to shed energy during the normal course of their lives. Energy does tend to accumulate in unused corners of rooms, even if those corners are regularly tidied and dusted. And all of this is nothing to say of events like parties, arguments, holiday festivities, and spirit or god interactions that can rapidly shift what supernatural energies are cluttering up a place.

In part, this can be dealt with using proactive spellwork. Enchanted objects can be put near doors to comb through incoming energy and help prevent unwanted varieties from coming in. Servitors can be created to munch on certain types of energy and poo out cozy white light. Charms on the top of door jambs work particularly well to manage energy flow through the household.

That incense being waved around can clean out unwanted energy, too - and frankly, if it doesn't, then there is more practice to be had in regards to enchanting substances for the purposes of cleansing.

Normal cleaning can be supercharged with magic to not only ensure unwanted types of energy are removed, but also to have a preventative effect to help stop them from coming back right away.

If there are special factors, like a household member constantly leaking awful vibes onto the rug, magic can also be done to stop their energy from spilling out; or, proactive spellwork can be done to divert or adjust upcoming unwanted events, and so on.

I wouldn't say it's wrong to want a house that specifically has only got your favorite types of energy in it, but the practical does tend to get in the way quite a lot.

Like, I live with other people. Witchcraft isn't mind games or psychology. If you strip the house of energy and refill it with a certain type, other people notice. Pets notice. Spirits especially notice, and Lord knows they're going to have their opinions on it.

If your only method of cleansing your home is entirely cleaning it every single time, there are a lot more helpful and proactive cleansing techniques out there, is what I'm saying.

At the end of the day, I'm real loosey-goosey on belief. Once I believed ritualistic cleansing was the only way, then I believed in the power of regular cleaning, then there was no difference between cleanliness and dirtiness, or sacred and profane; then it all mattered again but it was easy, and coming up here in a minute I suspect it'll all still matter but it'll be hard.

Wanting a sacred space, wanting a clean space, believing in cleanliness and sacredness; these are not the issues.

It sounds like for you, the issue is learning how to manage your needs and separate your sacred/clean working space from your everyday living.

I genuinely think there are a ton of angles to approach your concerns. Why does waving around incense feel useless? Did you not enchant it, and if so, what evidence do you have that your technique works, or does not work? How often have you tried casting spells in your untidy house versus a tidied one, and what are your rates of success for each?

Can you enter magical headspace in an untidy space? Can you do so in public if you have sufficient privacy? Can you do so in someone else's untidy house? How much practice have you put into magical techniques of connection? Have you been relying on cleaning house to shift you into magical headspace?

Anyway. I hope this all helps. Have a great night :)

[golbooty]

Betty Grof rant essay 6 months late!! i'm still heartbroken here's 1000 words about it!

I still have so many Thoughts and Feelings about Betty's character that I made a whole separate sideblog more or less just to share them so if YOU are also afflicted with this brainrot then welcome

So after 2 rewatches of fionna and cake and having Simon and Betty infect my brain like a pair if ill-fated amoebas for the past six months I have a random burst of energy and. want to share why I feel so disappointed in the conclusion Betty's character arc.

I feel like most of the positive reviews of the casper & nova + cheers call them "bittersweet", but I honestly can't see anything sweet about the ending. Simon's obvious immense guilt/trauma/depression aside, they're really just going to leave Betty like that? She no longer has a corporeal form and is perma-fused with a malevolent cosmic deity forever. There's no bittersweet maybe-in-the-next-life or deadworld ending for Betty. There's no "I can't be with the love of my life but I get therapy and friends and ride into the sunset". She's just... gone, at least if we take the narrative at face value. We obviously don't really know exactly what being Golbetty is like for Betty, the only hint being choosegoose describing it as "languishing", which isn't positive. I've seen a few people retort that "maybe Betty likes being an all powerful chaos deity" which, maybe? But nothing Betty ever did implied that she would enjoy that or want that type of power. Her only wish was to cure Simon and be with him again.

I also can't be convinced that Betty would've chosen to fuse with Golb if she'd been of sound mind. Beyond the MMS-ness, it's difficult to imagine the depth of her guilt/horror realizing what she'd done to Simon by jumping through the time portal, essentially condemning him to 1000 years of thinking she'd abandoned him and died in a nuclear apocalypse at best, and at worst leaving Simon with the belief he somehow harmed/killed her without knowing it. For. A thousand years.

As if that's not enough guilt, the first thing Simon does after their reunion in AT is beg her to let him die instead of becoming Ice King again. And she refuses, because this is Betty we're talking about, and she just won't give up. She promises Simon she'll figure out a way to cure him without realizing that it will be nearly impossible and then drives herself mad trying. Just.. the immense guilt that Magic Betty must've felt knowing she stole Simon's one chance to escape the curse and pass on peacefully, and now he's trapped in his own mind waiting for her to free him and she just can't figure out how.

On top of that, you have Magic Betty summoning Golb as a last ditch effort which ENDS THE WORLD. Having Betty revert back to her sane(ish) self alongside Simon inside Golb and fully confront the consequences of Betty's actions was... narratively great but also cruel. Betty clearly understood she just triggered the apocalypse- "this world will end unless Golb is banished" and "I'm sorry for messing everything up" and absolutely feels like it's her responsibility to fix that. And I think the most heartbreaking part of that entire scene is Simon just... giving up. He's not upset with her for not letting him die or abandoning him or ending the world he just. Holds her and tries to comfort her That must've been... really something for Betty.

I know Simon/Ice King is touted as the big tragic character in Adventure Time, and while yeah, fair take, I really can't get over the immense tragedy that is Betty Grof's story. She's never allowed to be happy. We don't learn much about her background, but most of her character traits to me at least point to an unhappy childhood (extreme impulsivity, disregard for her own well-being, obsessive tendencies, self sacrificing). She falls deeply in love and accidentally loses her sense of self and purpose in it. Then her fiance, the love of her life, loses his mind and starts attacking her. Then she impulsively jumps 1000 years into the future because she sees him and she loves him so much and she can't stop herself, but he's gone in an instant and now and the world is completely unrecognizable and she has no one. Simon has been warped into a demented lunatic, and she knows he's still her there and it's her fault. Then she goes absolutely bonkers-crazy trying to fix everything and starts betraying people left and right, then nearly destroys the timeline (including herself!), then it culminates in her ending the world. (sidenote: I fucking love how powerful Magic Betty is. like she's a random human who maybe learns magic for a year or two and figures out how to both destroy an entire timeline and summon the most powerful being in existence? ?? fuck I love Betty.) Then she condemns herself to an infinity of suffering in order to keep Simon safe. Like fuck.

I love a good Christ figure/big sacrifice, but I don't find Betty's arc bittersweet or satisfying at all. She didn't want nor deserve her fate, she was forced into it and ultimately destroyed herself out of guilt and grief. It's just... bleak. Every small mistake Betty makes is punished beyond reason. She's burned up and torn up and twisted and it's ultimately because she loves someone too much and wants to save him. She's robbed of the chance for any real character growth or happiness.

Ultimately, I think the show did try to give her and Simon closure, but it went about it in such a bizarre, unconvincing way. They both felt so out of character in Casper & Nova and Cheers that it just seemed flat and unfulfilling. Any character development Betty underwent as Golbetty happened off screen, which is maybe why she seems so... not Betty, especially in Cheers. And I mean, "I have no regrets" my ass, after everything she (unintentionally) put Simon and herself through, that line feels almost cruel. Not to go all "he wouldn't say that" but... she wouldn't say that. On top of that, her final message to Simon seems to be "don't you dare sacrifice your mind and humanity for the sake of someone else" WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE DID? Also see paragraph 2: she's still fused with a malevolent chaos deity isolated in the cold vacuum of space.

I sort of understand not wanting to give Betty and Simon a happy ending together, although I still think done correctly it could've been a satisfying and good ending, even if Fionna and Cake seems to retconn a lot about their relationship that paints it rather unfavorably. More than anything, though, I wish they'd shown Betty an ounce of mercy. She's a phenomenal character, she's funny and smart and impulsive and stubborn and so good. Her character had so much potential for growth and fulfillment and happiness and she just ended up being a plot device for Simon's arc and I will Not forgive that. The ultimate message of her story is that suffering begets suffering and mistakes will be punished to the fullest possible extent. I know to some that feels "realistic" but this is adventure time and that's a harrowing fucking message to end on.

[yanderes-galore]

Could I request a Metro Yandere Artyom? Maybe it could be all three games in a concept? Or if not it could be Metro 2033 since it is the first game in the series

I'll do a general concept that can be applied to all three games if you want :) I'm sorry his character may be off... still new to the series!

Yandere! Artyom Concept

Pairing: Platonic -> Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Overprotective behavior, Manipulation, Violence, Murder, Blood mention, Trust issues, Paranoia, Subtle yandere, Dubious companionship/relationship.

Metro creates a world infested with factions, mutants, and rampant radiation.

In that case I can see Artyom being protective of another human in the Metro.

Perhaps Artyom met you before he met Anna.

As a result you two often work together to survive the hellish world filled with nuclear fallout.

Artyom is a silent protagonist said to be thoughtful and well-meaning... although is also described as inexperienced.

He is a skilled scout and you two are most likely both Rangers.

I feel, like most silent protagonist yanderes, Artyom is protective over you.

After all, have you seen the dangers in the Metro series?

Mutants, cannibals, all sorts of different human factions... and radiation damage.

Naturally Artyom wants to keep you alive as an ally.

Friends are hard to come across in these lands, he's only ever known the Metro when growing up.

The surface isn't safe, but the people everywhere aren't really safe either.

You might have grown up alongside Artyom.

This would've made you both close since the start.

Artyom's obsession is either him being overly protective due to you being close friends... or him seeing you as a lover now that you're both grown up.

Artyom doesn't fully develop a possessive quality in his obsession, this is because he's mostly focusing on how dangerous others are.

He is still aware that others can take you easily... but not in the romantic sense.

He feels everyone and everything could kill you.

So he doesn't really have the time to be possessive.

The only time I can see that happening is if you were close to others he knows are allies.

Even then he's mostly just wary.

Artyom is used to violence.

If anyone threatened you, Artyom is close by with a weapon.

Kindness is not a common trait in these radiated lands.

Artyom knows this and most likely makes you know it too.

The only kindness you should expect is from him.

As a result, Artyom may manipulate you into relying on him.

He's been beside you since childhood, hasn't he?

Artyom doesn't care if he's stained red when looking after you.

He probably trusts you the most out of anyone he's met.

Even when he meets Anna in this concept he feels you're the perfect one for him.

You may even go along with it since... well... Artyom has protected you so far, right?

Your dear childhood friend would never betray you.

He rarely leaves your side, always checking your mask to make sure you don't contract any illness.

He even makes sure you watch every step so you don't fall.

He doesn't let anyone separate you, you both scout together.

Artyom wants you close so you both don't hurt yourself and no mutant or faction hurts you.

If they did... Artyom's seeing red.

There's no need to focus on the monsters of this world...

Artyom distracts you, holding your face gently.

Artyom may be a yandere to successfully obtain his darling.

Mostly because you have no reason to distrust him.

His more "toxic" traits are excused since it's hard to trust others.

You can't tell if he's manipulating you or is genuinely protective.

As a result... you reciprocate his affection when he holds you.

When he kisses you... you don't fight.

Don't you love him? He does so much for you!

Who cares if he threatens others... who cares if he isolates you?

In a world crawling with threats... perhaps he has a point.

Artyom loves you... he protects you... he isolates you... he smothers you...

Why should you trust anyone else in a tainted world such as this?

[anxious-witch]

This post specifically goes for my mutuals/followers who have been struggling lately. I see you and I don't always have something encouraging to reply, but if you have been feeling down recently, I hope this will help.

TW for mental health talk, mentions of suicide (this is an encouraging post, but please don't read further if anything of the sort might trigger you. Keeping your mental health intact is more important ❤️)

It's so very easy to get in the spiral of "I am not doing enough, all these people that I love would be better off without me". And convincing yourself those same people would forget you and move on quickly.

It's not true. I understand the sentiment, I really, really do. I used to fully believe that myself. But that's a lie. Mental illness reshapes the way we think and perceive things. And our brain and wired to remember bad things more than good ones. But when you'd write down everything that happened every day, I'd honestly be surprised if all of it was bad. Of course there are bad days, but even then, depression tend to focus on things you did wrong instead of those you did right.

But I am here to talk about the fact that I'd miss you if you were gone, too. Which seems ridiculous. "Rio, you follow 1000 blogs, you wouldn't notice". *loud incorrect buzzer* wrong! I would notice. As long as we ever interacted, as long as you liked and/or reblogged my posts, I'd notice.

When someone gets busy and I don't see them in my notes for over a week, I hope they are okay and just doing something more fun irl. I am not always great at remembering usernames, but as soon as they like one of my posts again I'm like yes!! They are back! I am glad you are okay!

"But I don't even contribute to the fandom!" No? Do you think creating content is the only way to contribute? Even just lurking and liking stuff counts. And I know some of you send really lovely anon messages that have made my day more than once. It DOES matter. Notes help other people as encouragement to keep posting. That absolutely counts.

"We barely post about the same fandom anymore" ah! But I still see you! I have a mutual that I have been following since 2016-2017, I believe. I have no idea what the hell he posts about these days. I can't rven accurately tell you why I originally followed him in the first place, it was either LOTR or Twilight, but fuck if I remember, because neither of hs posts about it!

And I still care. Because his journey ended up helping me. Seeing people's posts about their little achievements always makes my day. And even if you don't feel like you achieved anything in awhile, that doesn't mean you won't in the future. My point is, you are loved more than you know.

And this is only about online stuff. People notice when you walk down the street. Maybe someone likes your hair, or some detail of your outfit. Maybe someone saw you feed a stray and thought how nice you are. Maybe someone takes the same public transport as you every day and takes comfort in the fact you share the same path, if only for a few minutes.

This tumblr post perfectly described it, actually:

So please, if not for your own sake, for the sake of all the people who love you silently, keep going. It will get better. You might be just a bit further away from getting better. But you won't know unless you keep going.

So let's find out together, shall we?

[deepdreamnights]

Wonka was Just Joking About What he was Going to do With the Black Cloud

And other Jank: A Midjourney Secret Horse preserve.

I've mentioned Midjourney's /describe feature on more than one occasion. It's basically a Midjourney specific clip-interrogator, where you feed it a picture and it spits out four prompts that, in theory, produced something along the lines of what you presented.

Thing is, /describe never really worked.

And that's why I love it. I enjoyed taking random images, /describing them, and then combining the results, which were like this (base image is the wonka meme template above):

1️⃣ wonka was just joking about what he was going to do with the black cloud, in the style of light purple and light orange, stylish costume design, bronzepunk 2️⃣ a man in a purple shirt and hat smiling at a computer screen, in the style of fanciful costume design, whirly, blink-and-you-miss-it detail, gritty elegance, celebrity and pop culture references, glorious, polka dot madness 3️⃣ a beautiful young man who pretends to be waldorf, in the style of purple and bronze, polka dot madness, contemporary candy-coated, clowncore 4️⃣ can you name the top 10 funniest quotes ever?, in the style of light purple and gold, movie still, polka dot madness, groovy, handsome, neo-victorian, character

Beautiful madness across the board, and the results when run (clockwise from top left, 1, 2, 3, 4)-

-are like when Google Translate first hit the scene and it was dumb as rocks, so you could get fun stuff by looping text through multiple translations to get wacky stuff. Eventually all the translators got good enough that stopped working, and no one archived the stupid version.

Which brings us to now, as MJ has launched a better version of /describe. I'll do some posts on its capabilities and improvements soonish (it's brand new), but they told us a month ago it was coming, and I took action.

More than 54,000 prompts worth of action

I can't archive the /describe feature as it was, but I could build a stockpile of prompts before the system changed, and I did. About half of these are ones I /described myself, the other half were gleaned from Midjourney's public creation discords.

These are all fully machine-generated prompts, so they're public domain by definition. All shared on a google sheets file.

Caveats:

They are no longer associated with their base images.

They are organized alphabetically.

As above, what comes out does not always reflect what went in.

Not every prompt generated by Midjourney's bot will run on midjourney without editing as sometimes /describe makes prompts that trigger their prompt censor. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

If anyone wants to make a text-diffusion AI that generates prompts using the above as a dataset, go for it. Feel free to show off your results in the reblogs as well.

[infiniteglitterfall]

How are you holding up? I ask because I'm only, like, addressing antisemitism that leaks to my dash with every term related to Palestine I can think of blacklisted. And i'm like. Barely crlinging to fragile sanity. I hope you are better equipped to handle the stresses of this ongoing disinformation campaign. You're doing good and important work, which you must know, but I want to re-emphasize it.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

i swear to god I thought there was a way to reply privately to asks, but apparently either there isn't or I don't have the patience to find it again.

I think that you're describing how most Jews with any connection to social media feel.

The good thing, in a way, is that researching and fact-checking is my major coping mechanism. Researching and rebutting and arguing with people until I understand everything well enough to be pithy about it. Creating ways for other people to defend themselves and to push back. Doing the research to know when I'm right helps me a lot.

I'm probably as well-equipped for this as I can imagine being (that's not really true, I should be talking to people more about it and using 12-step tools to deal with it and gosh some therapy would be nice), and like... there have still literally been times when I've been triggered for an entire week by this shit.

Most notably: the time when I saw a clip on my TikTok fyp from some podcast where some journalist fully got all dressed up and prepared to go on camera, to say that she could imagine there were a few individual rapes on Oct 7 -- although she wasn't aware of any -- but that certainly there was no evidence of systematic rape, and that saying there had been systematic rape was dehumanizing propaganda.

Like. If you can't even take one minute to google whether there had been individual rapes before you go on camera. And you haven't heard of them two months after the fact. Then you don't know enough to talk about this, period. That makes you the very opposite of an expert on the subject. And yet, that is who gets platformed. Ignorant randos who have no personal connection to any of this.

I literally knew there had been gang rapes by Hamas within the first week of the massacre. Because I cared enough to do a search for eyewitness testimony of the massacre, and I found an interview on PBS immediately.

Or, more accurately: it was because it slowly sank in that the attack had been MASSIVE. 22 kibbutzim leveled in one day, hands-on, without an airplane or mortar shell involved. All those people killed the way you would kill a horde of zombies: burned alive, or shot and then mutilated, or cut up and then shot. Like they needed to double-tap, to make sure no one was coming back around.

Two years of planning. Almost half a billion dollars in funding from Iran. Detailed guides even to the dentist's offices and kindergartens and grocery stores they were invading.

And it was very plain to, I think, nearly every Jew on earth that this was an attack aimed at Jews. Even before any recordings of attackers saying "I'm inside with the Jews" or "I killed 10 Jews with my own hands" even came out. Even though everyone else was denying it from the moment it happened.

And I felt compelled to learn more about what happened.

To KNOW.

To bear witness.

Even before it became apparent started to seem like the rest of the world would rather die themselves than bear witness to us. Even before it became apparent that Hamas had been telling people Israel would commit genocide in response before its fighters even left that country.

A reasonable person, imho, would ask why the fuck Hamas would commit such atrocities if if thought Israel would respond by killing every Palestinian in Gaza.

The Palestinians in Gaza are certainly fucking demanding to know why the hell Hamas thinks it gets to start a war on them, why its leaders get to hide out and evacuate their families while demanding civilians bleed and die for it, and why it doesn't goddamn turn itself in and give back the hostages.

But anyway.

But that's the thing. I looked it up because I was compelled to. I identified with the people attacked. I needed to know what had happened to us.

That's something outsiders would only do if they were allies.

We know, now, that we don't have allies on the left.

I've seen post after post after post, hundreds and hundreds of comments, on Jewish Reddit, asking if other progressives are okay. Asking, "how are you dealing with rejection by the left??" Asking if others are also shocked and confused and betrayed. Talking about how many friends they've lost who went masks-off antisemitic. So many people who've had to end long-term relationships when their partners went masks-off.

There's usually at least one politically conservative Jew in the comments laughing wryly and going, "wow, you really thought you were safe?"

Sometimes they ask why we're on the left if everyone there wants to kill us. Then we defiantly point out that it's not any different on the right. Or that we're not going to abandon our political beliefs for anyone.

Anyway.

I didn't even watch the podcast clip past that moment.

I ragequit. I went to the file of eyewitness testimonies I'd already put together, after weeks and weeks of denial. (And by "file," I mean "draft in gmail, because it saves automatically, and it's easy to find, and i don't know why it's better than google docs or dropbox paper, but it just is.")

I took the clearest, most authoritative ones and put them into their own document -- which i did make in dropbox lol.

I duetted the video, or whatever the fuck the one is in tiktok where you just take 5 seconds from one video and the rest is your own. It's not duetting. Idk.

It was the middle of Hanukkah. I recorded a video where I read each of however many testimonies I had, and lit a candle before each one. It was almost 10 minutes long, even though I made them as short as I could.

I didn't post it.

I was triggered all to hell for a whole week. I was staying up till 3 or 4 in the morning, researching horrifying rape testimonies, arguing with people on the internet, then sleeping too little and too late, then doing it again.

Watching myself lose a whole week to this. Knowing I couldn't do anything about it. Half-angrily, half-numbly thinking about how I couldn't afford to lose this much job search time, this much unfucking-my-life time. How I couldn't afford to have people I didn't even know fuck up my life even more.

And the bitch of it all is that the tone of the discourse makes me strongly suspect that if we said, "hey everyone needs to walk it back, you guys are deeply fucking up the mental health of pretty nearly the entire Jewish community," people would just respond by angrily telling us anti-Zionism is not antisemitism, mockingly saying that's what Zionists deserve.

Thanks for asking <3

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi, I’m INFJ. I need to ask: 1) what I should improve myself to feel less put off at Ts in general, to lessen the T & F difference 2) Tips on communication w Ts, especially INTJ.

Ik you said ppl’s strength underlie their weakness & vice versa, so they have a set of advantages to offer. As much as I’d like to dismiss it, I suck at Ti (I’m improving by learning critical thinking). I need to view Ts less judgmentally.

I had personal motivations for handling immaturity, but that wasn’t the only drive. The other (great) one is my feelings for my childhood INTJ friend, who I’m having a crush on & is asking me out. I’ve had feelings for him since childhood.

I used to think we couldn’t go out because of my immaturity. I suck at handling personality setbacks/criticisms/etc. (all date back to bad Fe & Ti lol). Later, I became more honest w my feelings, better at expressing genuinely, finally more logical than before (some positive changes for my own sake). But I still feel unable to bridge the gap w the Ts (esp TJs).

I hate this state, it robs me off chance for a greater relationship w the guy I’ve loved for years. I’m better than before, but I still fear this won't work. Our friendship is great, time passed but we still share many central values like how close we are to our family, definition of independence, pet peeves, political spectrum. I used to suck at not making a disagreement a heated argument, but with time, I got better at It. We had found the way to disagree while still being able to fully understand the others’ POV. I got more grounded thanks to him, too. But our growth was platonic.

Communication challenges are still considerable. I never used to tell him my feelings and I’ve never been in relationships before. But he’s already been in a few. I’m into this possible change as much as I’m willing to stay the same, because I’m so scared whether being his girlfriend will actually be a good choice. Help :(

------------------

You say you get the idea of everyone having strengths/weaknesses but it doesn't sound like you really do. On the surface, it's not a bad thing to want to improve upon your weaknesses, but your approach to it is problematic. You still haven't understood that the first step must be to accept and embrace weaknesses, because proper self-improvement has to come from a place of love - not hate.

You are standing in front of someone who knows your strengths and weaknesses and still loves you and wants to start a life together. Yet you cannot accept being loved by him. Why? Because you haven't yet learned to love yourself, so you can't imagine that others can, either.

It sounds to me like it is lovingkindness you need to work on. Critical thinking isn't going to help you accept and embrace all of yourself, is it? When you finally learn how to approach yourself, your life, and others with an attitude of love, the relationship problems you've described have no reason to arise.

For example: If you can accept your insecurities, own them and talk about them openly and still love yourself, who can trigger them? If you can accept and love him both for his strengths and weaknesses, why would they cause you any conflict? And when conflicts arise as they inevitably do in intimate relationships, if you approach them with a reconciliatory attitude, why wouldn't they get resolved?

At the heart of your question is not personality but your self-worth and self-esteem. Until you address those issues, your attempts at function development are at high risk of getting twisted up. Ni+Fe should allow you to envision beautiful potential for love, but you are using them to invent more ways to hate and punish yourself.

Relationships aren't about being perfect and being able to handle everything perfectly. If that's what you're unconsciously aiming for, then you're imposing a very unreasonable burden on yourself. Failing to achieve false images of perfection only exacerbates self-hatred in a vicious cycle.

[dark-bear-productions]

Writing Discusion: Appearance as a Marker of Virtue

(I WELCOME DISSENT!)

One of the first things I learned as a writer was also one of the most problematic and that's Appearance as a Marker of Virtue; let's call it Amov (the extra a's looked bad, ironically).

You know the thing: Hero's body is entirely "pristine", Villain has some "disturbing" feature like a scar (Blofeld in From Russia with Love), a clubfoot (Larys Strong in House of the Dragon), or albinism (Silas in The Da Vinci Code). They have a "defect", either visually revealing something that broke them, something that happened to them because of their own evil deeds, or some sign at birth that they were "wrong" through and through.

There's an interesting argument to be had about Amov's place in the Nature vs Nurture debate. If Larys had not grown up in a world expecting him to be a brave knight while physically unable to be so, would he have been as conniving as he is? Was Silas always a monster, or was he treated as one for so long he became one? I don't want to suggest that any single author using Amov -- or, indeed, just having a villainous character with some unconventional physical trait -- is problematic. Context is always key.

(As an aside, I've always liked the metaphor that says genetics load the gun, upbringing cocks the hammer, surroundings pull the trigger. You can have the genetics of the most brutal serial killer in history but if the people who raise you do well and you manage to stay in an environment that treats you as a person should be treated, you'll never know what you might have been capable of.)

When you take the body of fiction as a whole, however, I do feel that there's a very distinct pattern of using physical "abnormalities" for shock, horror, comedy, foreshadowing, what have you. It's an old trope, one steeped in religious bias, but a powerful one that we can't quite seem to shake.

(As another aside, the religious bias I'm referring to is the belief that the Devil could take a human form, but never a fully "correct" one, always having some marker such as missing an eye, having a misshapen hand, etc., etc. This was of course fertile soil for ableism, but whether the belief or the ableism came first might be a bit of a chicken-and-egg debate, though that is a poor analogy as the answer to that debate is clearly egg.)

My personal solution is to try and avoid literal physical descriptions wherever possible. If I do mention specific traits, it almost certainly has some relevance to the plot I'm trying to build, or some message I'm trying to slide in. (For instance, a small and slight Master Hunter who easily defeats a Beast five times their size because a Master Hunter has so much skill they don't need brawn.)

However, this doesn't work for every style of story. In From the Bay of Fangs, which is a series of in-world reports of monster hunts written by and for Hunters, it's fine, as the Hunters wouldn't bother writing down what their Siblings look like. In By the Wayside, the upcoming anthology of stories diving into the background and aftermath of the stories in From the Bay of Fangs, the omission of appearance sometimes felt less natural, and I had to pivot to describing vibes, clothing, and character relevant details such as unshaven cheeks or tightly bound hair.

Another sollution I really like is to use abstract descriptions. Calling someone beautiful without describing their specific features works, but describing someone by saying "He looked like a failed soldier. Dirt seemed so worked into him that the lines of his face were like writing." (China Miéville, This Census-Taker) has a lot of impact on me and I think I'm going to experiment with that in the near future.

All in all, I think what I want to say is: don't feel bad for using appearance in your writing, nor even for falling into Amov as it is so very prevalent in our fiction, but inspect why you describe your characters the way that you do and make an informed decision based on that.

(And, to immediately undercut myself: wonder how visual character design, specifically in animation, can overcome Amov without losing the powerful and immediate visual impact that makes animation so uniquely awesome.)

[requiemsystem]

A few days ago, I was reading someone's stories about DID. They described having alters, or voices in their head (I can't quite remember their exact wording, or even if they said voices; all I remember is I resonated with it and began to wonder if I had OSDD/DID).

I felt like a huge faker immediately. My only real exposure with it had been with the Fake Disorder Cringe comps on YouTube (such shit, god). I realized that every time I'd broken down in suicidal hysteria, attempts, the 9-1-1 phone call, etc., it was an alter. I named her Em, or Emily; it just felt right.

For context, I am in a constant dissociated state from still being stuck in an abusive environment. My memory is not divided in terms of small events and things such as clubs, schools, friendships, etc--rather, it's divided in terms of trauma and pain. January was specific. My week at the hospital was specific. February and March are specific. End of March, April, May, June, are specific.

I can recall the feelings of depression and suicidality in the months before Mid June to Now, but Mid June to Now was marked by anorexia and recovery, etc. There are no other memories than anorexia/things related to it, and my abusive friendship which triggered the eating disorder. There was also a suicide attempt (three, but I don't count two. Why don't I count two? Because they are hanging attempts, and I have tried to hang myself so many times that they do not count in my brain. Asshole shit, I know)

But you see, I cannot remember other things unless I dig deep in my brain or look at photos from that time.

Another thing is, I have only been able to piece together a timeline of my trauma and memories from the very huge fixations (which kept me alive; magical thinking) I was obsessed with at the time, and also random ass conversations I remembered. There are only two to five of these conversations--and in (nearly) all of them I am watching myself from afar, like in a movie. Other times, a traumatic memory will pop up and I'll force an age out. Ten, eleven, twelve; the memories from when I was a preteen are so fucking mixed up and weird. I only remember the trauma, not what happened elsewhere.

I do have some other memories of events which I thought about a lot, but if I hadn't constantly thought about those at the time they would've disposed of themselves. Things do that now, I have no capacity to ruminate as I used to so they slip away silently into the void.

Honestly, nothing feels real; I am always watching myself from afar, and things are wishy-washy, blurry, and other people are floaty. Even the feeling of lust, which is very prominent for those my age, seems horribly muted and dissolved into a weak "meh" most of the time. People around me talk about this and that, etc etc, but the only time it was ever really prominent was when I was younger and punished myself with extreme feelings of guilt over it, or when I decided to starve myself of it and then use it to cope during Late March to June. I do think that it is more muted from psychological religious abuse about how I was a horrible dirty person because of it definitely muted it to ten percent of those like my peers, but there's not much I can do about it other than shrug.

My memory is basically that of a traumatized Wattpad OC. I am the equivalent of a twelve year old's angsty emotions coming out through a character (I was that twelve year old once, believe me the hell I put my characters through was...yikes) and goddamn it is nothing like the movies. It's always been painful, sharp, like reopening a painful scar; nothing like the tragically pretty depressed skinny girlypop with white skin and haunting blue eyes, so I never thought I could be depressed until I was like yeah shit I actively want to kill myself ://

I wish I could describe it better, but the one word that sticks in my mind is floaty, senseless, blurry, wishy-washy, soapy, etc. I don't have the vocabulary and trauma knowledge now to fully realize my own state, nor do I have the capability to realize how painful the memories are. To do that, I would need a permanently safe space to process them; and you can't really do that while hiding your every move and thought from your mother who merely views you as an identical doll who is an extension of her.

There are a few years until I'll be able to escape, and I'm also coping with the fact that the city I built up in my head (Seattle) has been exposed as it truly is with the case of a police offer murdering an immigrant woman from my country.

I still don't know what to do with these feelings; I want to scream and rip out my guts but I am too dissociated now to truly feel it. This is where Em comes in, she holds all of the pain and memories and raw knowledge of what I'm going through so I can function throughout the day.

I used to think of her as a voice in my head, the suicidal one. The one who would spam me with relentless thoughts of "I don't want to live anymore I want to die get me out of here I hate them I hate this I can't do this anymore life sucks please kill me please please please," and her feelings are so horribly overwhelming the only solution is to shove her shards back into my chest and dissociate again.

I think Em is the only one aware of the true horrors of my life. Usually, when I tell people things, they gasp and recoil in shock; avoiding me afterwards actually.

She is 5-7 years old--a child. She is eternally stuck in 2014-2015, and will absolutely fucking flip if you try to bring her into another year. I think this is because this is the age when the horrifying suicidal thoughts and internalized racism, facial dysmorphia started.

Last night I was trying to process one of my very first traumatic incidents (I was found watching videos of people vomiting at four years old. I was beaten mercilessly while screaming, crying, and begging to stop. These videos were allowed by my mother (the one who beat me) and she even joked about letting me watch them. I am not sure why she flipped out here; I think it's because she clicked on a video herself and disliked it immensely) and I decided to bring Em out. This incident happened in 2012-2013, and she screamed.

It felt as if someone was stabbing dull knives into my chest and stomach, and I could hear her sobs coming from inside me. She begged me so much, please don't make me go back, that's too far, I want 2014 not 2012, this hurts please; so I stopped focusing on the memory and instead tried to fall asleep (it was nighttime).

I'm not a very verbal person; I get teased because of my american accent, so I try not to speak as much as I can. But while Em was there, she made a noise; not even a word, just a noise of torture, and I could tell it was torturous and cruel to make her suffer like that. There is a reason why traumatic memories are distant and tethered off in my head, and forcing her to relive the shit that is a core part of her identity was obviously very stressful.

Whenever something reminds me of the trauma (yesterday it was a video talking about a father regretting not giving his car to his son, prompting me to remember my dreams about getting my license and my dad teaching me to drive--then, when he saw me for the person I truly was, telling me that he'd never even let me borrow his car to learn driving on and I'd never get my license unless it was on my own terms) she comes out--even right now I felt her stabbing through my chest, apparently just describing the trauma (which was a conversation from some of the most traumatic and emotionally terrorizing few weeks) prompts her to come out. I often forcefully shove her down, returning back to my state of dissociation, because (due to my environment) it isn't safe to have someone as vulnerable as Em out and there. She absorbs trauma like a sponge; any minor thing said to her will cause painful suicidal ideation. She told me, "you don't know what it's like holding all of these things in, [my name]. i have to keep everything in a nice little bag for you, [while you do nothing]." The last part in brackets wasn't said outloud to me, but certainly understood. She knows everything I do, even the fact that I'm writing this right now and use her as a dump for any and all unpleasant feelings, and obviously doesn't like it (who would?).

Unrelated to her, I've always thought I had different voices in my head, and thought I was a "quirky weirdo" for that. I've only now realized that most people don't have two to three separate chains of reason in their head which argue with each other, take hold of my brain, then leave once their job is done.

I suspect I have another alter, I always called them Caroline because during periods of extreme stress and fear they'd tell me exactly what I needed to do to avoid punishment and abuse. They'd help me check for bloody tissues (sh) and tell me how to hide them; advise me on when to wash my hands after cleaning up; invent lies for me; and even help internally defend me against people who hurt me. They'd leave as quickly as they came, but it was always like a special, energy-filled person was there who knew exactly what to do. Even now, they will talk to me.

And they don't even really come out in periods of deep distress either--a lot of times, they will just randomly come in and..."take over me," I guess, because I will act incredibly different and usually when I am back to my "normal" self I will realize that I was incredibly different right then.

I've been struggling so much with denial and feelings of inadequacy and self-hatred, guilt, etc etc etc feeling of being invalid and faking it.

What do you think this could be? I was thinking of maybe OSDD-1 (B) but I just really need to hear a third party's thoughts. I posted this on my main blog too, but yeah.

i want to tell you that i took several days to think of how to reply to this, i still am not sure what the best response will be i cannot tell you if you have OSDD or not. i am not qualified to diagnose you. if you are looking for someone to tell you "yes, this sounds like OSDD and you are a system", then im not that person. what i will say is that what you are describing sounds incredibly difficult to navigate and i am sorry you are experiencing this i will also say, as someone who deals with a lot of denial, faking is a conscious decision. if you did not consciously choose to fake a disorder, you are not faking it. it is possible to be wrong and mistaken, but thats very different from intentional faking if you havent already, maybe try making some form of contact with these suspected alters and see if they reach out. thats where we started, and just talking to eachother was helpful in figuring things out i wish you luck, and if you have any further questions, feel free to send more asks or DM us! - grey

[averyavary]

Consider the following.

Heavy Trigger Warning: Sexual Abuse, Rape. You have been warned.

I'm going to keep things here rather short, and simple as I've gone to some drastic measures already to deal with this privately, but I might as well let others know what I've been dealing with, considering your eyes are still on me, I know it.

I've been having to deal with a... specific person in my life as of the past near decade or so. I did not really want to resort to the final actions I've had gone about doing but; relentless people require extreme actions, huh?

Let me introduce you to "Jude" is who I'll call them, as they refer to themselves that way. I met Jude in my life when I was 13-14 through my sister as a family friend at the time. They were in their mid 20's or so, I can't fully recall. The there was a 10 or so year difference, just for reference.

During some time between the summer of 2014 or so, I was left alone with them at times for extended periods of time. I recall remember waking up at times hurting from by back, and near my legs and such. I accordingly told my sister and aunt about these things (I was living with them at the time) and I was pulled out of my classes one day to sit down and discuss what might've happened between Jude and I. I was rightfully confused as I didn't know what or why was happening. I remember I broke down into tears about them asking me if I "Liked" Jude in the manner of a relationship, which I promptly denied. I only saw Jude like an older brother I never had at the time.

Come to find out, Jude was something akin to liking me relationship wise, which if you cant put 2 and 2 together, kind of royally fucked up! I now know looking back, I was molested and was likely drugged to be used for sex most likely. I obviously can't remember everything as its still hazy for that summer trying to block it out over the past few years, but with what happened to me back then, my family picked up on it quickly and shut Jude out of my life.

He however, hasn't let the thought of me go.

I think starting in about 2018 or so going forward, Jude would try to contact me by any means necessary. I remember him contacting my aunt trying to reach me, which I promptly denied as I found that to be a bit more than creepy. I know I have long lost text messages of them trying to reach out, to see "how" I'm doing, and just overall try to find out what I'm up to.

What finally made me crack was a lengthy email that I received from Jude back in May, mere days before what would inevitably tank my career. I got one of the most disturbing emails from them, them basically wanting to start over, and try to be friends/and a possible relationship.

I promptly denied anything regarding the email, told Jude to leave me alone, and told them good-bye.

Their response? Calling me a rapist, and a "great" role model.

I cannot describe to you how much this infuriated me, to be called something that the said abuser did to ME of all things. I've done all that I could at that point to get away from him and him trying to crawl back into my life as if I would be open and accepting? No sir, not one bit.

I think the most fucked up thing he did was try to tell my dad of all people that I raped him, and my dad called me up confused to high hell on what he meant. I explained everything to my dad, shown him the emails, and he saw the issues at hand with what Jude was doing.

I've already filed some things with local police in my area, and as such I've talked to my therapist long term about these things. I'm writing this also as a way to get this off my chest, amongst a personal message to Jude.

Leave me, and my family alone Jude. I don't appreciate you trying to be buddy buddy with me and as such try to slander me into something when you're the insanely fucked individual I've dealt with for nearly a decade. Let me go and you can go about on your own merry way.

[true-blue-sonic]

My dear friend from Discord sent me some questions for Silver and Gold, so here we go:

Silver:

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

How utterly, fully and completely determined he is to help others. Silver has a heart of gold and he can't let people in need go by unhelped, it seems. That's the only explanation I can give for why he's collecting apples and doing plane races for ghosts in '06, haha! Not to mention how he's eventually okay with helping Amy out to find Sonic, despite the fact he believes the whole future is hinging on him killing the Iblis Trigger instead. I believe that is the reason Silver keeps going back to the past to prevent devastation from befalling the future: he can't just sit still and let injustices pass otherwise.

3. What's something you have in common with this character?

I like being helpful, but also I am opinionated as hell and quite a hothead at times!

4. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

Left-handed Silver still lives in my mind rent-free, but I have actively proven that is not canon, haha. Hmm, I love the idea that Silver eventually stays in the past longer and longer, building up a full life there as well. It's where his friends live, after all! I also like the idea that he becomes a history teacher in the past when he's an adult; I wrote a couple of posts about that once too.

6. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

I love making Silver say "Hey, Espio?" in my fics. He does so in Rivals 2, after all! One thing I don't like is that I feel like I've been baby-fying him too much in my older fics, especially in mannerisms. That makes it more difficult for me to read those...

7. Favorite picture of this character?

I really like this sprite from Colours DS! I think he looks very cute with the slightly more tan muzzle; it goes very nicely with his fur, in my opinion.

I also really like how he looks in SEGA Heroes, in part because he was so OP in that game. Look at how serious he is!

This one too, he looks so happy with his appie!! And for the second one the text apparently describes him as having a mischievous side, which I adore as well.

Gold:

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

In the concept art, Gold is 20 centimeters taller than Silver, and yes. Let her be tol!!

3. What's something you have in common with this character?

I get stressed out in mere seconds also, and then I panic quite quickly, rip.

4. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

She was the youngest in an altogether huge family, but the only one with powers, which put quite a divide between her and her older siblings with her parents struggling to help her. Also, she's the one responsible for unleashing the Second Devourer into her world: she opened a Genesis Portal by sheer accident when she was five years old, and promptly the beast escaped and began to wreak havoc. The portal that brought her to Onyx City was thus opened by her as well, in a moment of blind panic. But Gold herself has completely suppressed these memories, due to the guilt eating at her.

6. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

It's been ages since I wrote full fics for her, oh dear... I like the idea that she's infatuated with romance, though! And I guess what I don't like is that I don't have steam for Genesis anymore XD

7. Favorite picture of this character?

This reference sheet is really cute and nicely shows off various expressions she has!

[oleworm]

Someone was saying (in reference to trigger tags with alternative spellings) that some people might feel too bad to see a word written out fully and that's why they misspell them. But there are other solutions to that, like just putting your post under a cut (most would assume that you're going to talk about a sensitive topic) that don't contribute to the popularisation of this practice. Also if a person is so traumatised they can't even look at a word without feeling sick then they would also want to be able to block it and not have to come up with a hundred ways to spell it in order to do so. I get that we want to put ourselves in the place of the someone who would choose to do it this way, or sometimes we want to merely describe what is happening without telling anyone what to do, but ruining trigger tags would also make it worse for this group of people. Sadly there are those who do need to be told what would be the negative consequences of a trend that is increasing in popularity because they take anything but overt condemnation as "So it doesn't matter, really, what I do".

[wooahaes]

I totally understand your point and where those asks are coming from about the things you can't stand in fics, but there's a difference between hating a certain expression like "she released a breath she didn't know she had been holding" and being triggered over things like y/n being described as small, having long hair and stuff. The writers are most likely writing from their own characteristics (or if not, things that they'd like to have)

That's personal preference and if you'd like to see something specific represented, why don't you write it yourself? (And I absolutely don't mean this in a condescending way, I'm genuinely saying you should try writing it yourself, why not?)

hi anon! i'm going to assume you're new here since it'll explain that last part since i occasionally do write fics with chubby readers or fem readers that are tagged as such since i like seeing myself represented <3 i always tag them as being a chubby reader so that people who don't want to read that kind of thing can avoid it since it's not applicable to everyone and some people just aren't interested in reading it

also, before i really go into it... i'd very much appreciate it if you didn't throw around the word 'triggered' in such a manner. we're having a discussion on my blog. if i've gotten a little too heated, then that's my bad, but this is nothing like being triggered by something (trust me, being sent into a breakdown over an actual trigger is not fun and a thousand times more stressful/upsetting than getting a little heated during a discussion).

i think the thing is... my anons have all been pretty nice about the things they're talking about? i genuinely brought up the point of writing pet peeves in terms of phrases or things that people see in writing since i like creating a safe place to talk about things. i'm very much a white woman though, so i try not to comment too much on things like my first anon brought up of writers talking about reader visibly blushing aside from the fact that i try to avoid physical descriptors like that due to it alienating darker skinned readers. it's usually because of these comments (so far not aimed at me, but general grievances with reading fics) that i try to avoid any physical descriptions in my fics--reader doesn't turn red or blush in a visual sense, but their face will get warm or they'll get flustered by a statement. it's a more universal feeling that people can agree to rather than worrying about the color their face is, plus it's more inclusive of people who don't visibly blush.

my other anon said that they feel self conscious so it bothers them when writers specifically talk about showing off curves (which not every person has, by the way--i've known people who are rectangular in body shape and lack any curves, doesn't make them any more or less a person deserving of respect). this is easily something a writer could warn for, too. describing reader as petite or dainty or tiny is also something that alienates the readers and rarely gets a warning for.

if i may be so bold, i don't think you fully understand my point and my anons points. reader fanfics are meant to be an inclusive medium because you're intentionally writing a more blank slate than you would an original character. it's one thing to write something like a personality or giving your reader likes/dislikes and writing reader as someone petite. i... simply can't ever be petite (i can lose weight, yes, but i won't ever be tiny and petite because my body simply isn't like that). dark skinned readers can't just become lighter.

it's okay to write a reader from your own characteristics. it's okay to romanticize your skin tone or your body. it's not okay to not warn people about it when they don't fit that mold. if you're going to exclude readers, then the nice thing to do is warn them before they start reading your fics. i warn people when i write chubby reader fics, i've seen poc writers warn when they're writing a poc reader... why can't people with long hair or smaller body types do the same? why would people viewed as deviations from that mold be the only people who have to warn people? i'm not saying you can't write a reader who's petite, i'm saying you should tell your audience when you do. it helps readers find material that fits them better rather than walk into a fic and be taken out of it because reader's described with things like "your slim body" or noted to be blushing red.

and as i've said, i've written a lot of fics. some of them feature a chubby reader because i do like to write my own representation sometimes. most of the time, i leave those details out because i don't see a point in them. i write for myself sometimes, but i also like writing for other people and giving them a place where they can feel safe in romantic fics where they're loved no matter who they are or what they look like. sometimes i start ideas with a chubby reader that i later cut out because their body type didn't actually matter to the story i'm telling (even though i could have just kept reader chubby--why alienate people when it isn't relevant to the plot?). i've had ideas start out neutral that changed because i wanted to tell a story a specific way.

personal preference isn't an excuse to not tell your readers what you're writing. i'm willing to bet every single anon i've had so far wouldn't have these complaints if they were given a proper warning before they read the fic (because then they likely wouldn't have engaged with something they can't relate to unless they were just down to read the writing and not imagine themselves as the reader).

[asexual-means-no-attraction]

(Nsfw content) hey so feel free to completely ignore this ask, but I think u have good inputs I'd like to know Ur thoughts about this, if it's okay.

So this is about fanfic right. For context, I am a cis woman and I struggle with CSA trauma. Writing erotica has been very freeing to me these past few years. Now the thing is, I can't exactly point to the reason why, but specifically in fictional erotica, when I write men it's always men with female genitalia. Not that I can't read about guys and dicks in general, it's just not something I feel comfortable writing. Now, I feel a bit weird about tagging any of that as "trans characters" because it doesn't feel fair to lump what I write with actual representation (even though if trans men enjoy what I write they are more than welcome to ofc).

Basically I'm not trying to write actual trans men and represent their struggles, or even their bodies realistically (I also find it a bit ehhh that in fandom spaces "trans man" has come to be synonyms with = "has a vagina" but I digress).

So with that in mind, I have come full circle and I'm noticing I'm back at feeling guilt and shame about what I write... much like I used to feel when I started writing/reading erotica. I feel guilty of writing that type of thing because in a way I fear it may come off as fetishization. That's not what I'm trying to do though, I realize this is mostly a fictional kink that doesn't correlate with how I view actual trans people irl. But the guilt is still there.

I'd like to know your thoughts about this. Do you think this is hurtful for trans people? For me to not tag that content as "trans" specifically? That I write that content? Am I alienating trans people? Are there better ways to go about this? Sorry if this is a lot of questions. My brain really wants me to feel ashamed of my sexuality and sexual desires so sometimes it's hard to have a clear idea of what's going on, if I'm actually doing something harmful or if it's just my brain being mean to me.

Sorry for the long ask, and again feel free to completely ignore it.

I mean, fanfic isn't really representation to begin with if you ask me. So by writing it, you aren't representing anyone. Besides, the purpose of your story isn't to describe trans people's struggle, so I don't think you need to go out of your way to "properly portray" said struggle/issues.

If we were to deny people right to write about groups they aren't apart of, we'd lose any chance at exploring each other's experiences. Like, you have every right to write a trans character. It's not illegal or wrong. I also don't think you have some moral obligation to make sure your portrayal is perfect cuz 1. There isn't any perfect portrayal of any experience or group of people and 2. Writing isn't always about doing that anyways.

So long as you're not coming with ill intentions to write something that you actively DESIRE to hurt some group with (this is how propaganda works) then I think you're fine to write whatever you want. Especially when it comes to fanfic which is written for FUN. Enjoy yourself. It's fine.

As for the tagging. I don't read much fanfic anymore. But I think the general rule of thumb is to be sure triggers are tagged. Whether you tag ship names, trans, or other tags is fully up to you. As a trans man, I don't think I'd care either way? Just do what makes you comfortable. You aren't hurting anyone by writing fanfics. Especially not what you described above.

You might get people who misunderstand, but genuinely that's fine. It's important to learn how to accept that some people will take what you do in life the wrong way. You can explain yourself, but ultimately it's best to just move on. Talk it out with someone you trust, reassure yourself, and continue your life. You can't please everyone so just make sure you can make yourself happy. Ya know? If these writings make you happy, don't let some random person get you down. You're not hurting anyone, or actively trying to bring down the trans community. You, as one person, couldn't actually do that anyways. It's ok. Take a breath and keep writing.

Summary: you're ok. You're not hurting anyone by writing fanfiction.