#it’s hard to describe really. it’s missing something. something big‚ but I don’t know quite what it is it’s missing.

[kisaxiii]

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[infernalantics]

qifrey witch hat atelier is really interesting bc i feel like with the type of character archetype he is (ie the mentor/teacher type who seemingly isn’t like most other adults who accept some kind of status quo) his personality traits are … fascinating. like granted there’s some stuff we don’t know that much about so a lot of this is speculation and me kind of spewing out my thoughts…!

but anyways somethign thats so fascinating to me about the small little glimpses of qifrey we get as a child is very different to the present day one we see now. which i don’t really know how else to describe other than putting these two side by side

he feels a lot more..? expressive now. which imo is a combination of a lot of things. young qifrey genuinely makes sense to be someone who’s quite uh.. confused & afraid. a young kid not really knowing his past but only knowing what took it away from him and a feeling of hard-focused anger towards them.. while at the same time having all of that taken away from him means he kinda doesn’t know who he was…? a emptiness from something they took out of him that he can’t really even place what’s missing..

which is realllyyy evident in this panel + these lines. i think that qifrey as a young kid being obsessive about his whole past was probably not super expressive or talkative and prob didn’t have that many friends aside from olruggio. being a kinda weird case of a witch learning magic and all…

(hm. sound familiar? i mean like. coco was in a horrible situation/circumstance regarding forbidden magic that caused her mom to turn to crystals and instead of having her memories wiped qifrey took her in and taught her magic. while qifrey was in a horrible situation regarding forbidden magic that took away his past, left him without his eye, but instead of having his memories wiped beldarut took him in and taught him magic. but that’s beside my point. for now)

but his search kind of abruptly gets cut off after going to the tower + learning it was a new type of magic. and he can’t tell anyone about this so i think he basically just sits with it for a while, his leads fizzle out for a while and in that time he starts the atelier and gets some apprentices and within that time is a lot happier and more content .

n then coco appears, he gets another lead, the grudge bubbles back up, yada yada youve read the manga. (probably)but all of that to say i think such a lovely part of his character is his ANGER!

i think this scene can be interpreted a lot of different ways since we kinda just don’t have the resolution to it yet and i think it may uh. be a minute until we do… but qifrey does absolutely care very much for the people around him. that much is evident. and i don’t think his anger is always in spite of him caring, i think it also works in tandem with it.

qifrey wants to keep being a teacher, he wants to be fulfilled and he wants a future. but essentially he’s been put on a time limit. (or at least he sees it that way) this happy present he has is temporary and slipping through his fingers so he’s working really desperately to settle everything with the brimhats to try and keep his future.. they took away his past, he didn’t know who he was or what he came from, and his future is being lost too… the combination of knowing his secret could super get him in BIG MASSIVE TROUBLE + that he seems pretty damn insistent on dealing with this on his own… makes his decision to wipe olruggios memories in ch40 REALLY COMPELLING!!! the line “from the pursuit of hope, comes the cost which is despair itself” really ties the whole scene together for me…

and even aside from his own backstory i think he has an anger to him that comes from his care for the girls + olruggio exactly too. you can see this in the way he immediately fuckign snaps when coco gets hurt

but god this is wayyy longer than intended but all of this to say. qifrey has a tendency when something isn’t fair, it’s hard for him to just sit by and let it go. it’s why i think he’s a rlly good mentor figure for the themes of witch hat atelier. his anger resonates with the viewer, because it makes you think: fuck, man, isn’t it unfair he just got his past ripped away from him? isn’t it unfair that coco just got hurt in a battle she shouldn’t have to be fighting? isn’t it unfair that the law tells you that there’s so much you can’t do about all of it, too?

where i think qifrey is going, or where i hope he his, is letting himself truly realize that he doesn’t have to feel all of this alone.

which i think he knows that, logically, but again he’s committed to dealing with things on his own and is kind of a hypocrite lol. which is something he kind of just literally says here in the fact he’s extremely reckless with his own well-being (also likely due to the fact he sees his future as slipping away from him too and well. probably illness in his brain) but tells coco not to do what he does…. god bless❤️

because also i mean.. coco understands. she might understand better than most! to have your whole world changed and not understand why everything has to be unfair! to be wronged by forbidden magic but still have to sit with the hurt of knowing it could be used to help so many people! (notably coco’s mom… qifrey himself…)

which she literally says herself!!!

and olruggio, who keeps reaching out, who wants to be someone he can rely on and trust.. and who probably helped him a lot in his search, too, even if he thought it might be bad for him, he cared about him..! in a lot of his most reckless moments, olruggio is there to help him (eg “whats your top priority right now?!”) and i think that was probably true for a younger version of them, too.

and overall for coco… magic is hope. magic is seeing a problem and finding a solution. magic is wanting to help people. magic is so many beautiful things bundled into one.

qifrey DOES have a future. because as long as coco is around, she will find a solution and she will find hope in the darkest of moments. because as long as olruggio is around there will be someone who cares about him and will try to reach out. because magic is hope, right?

isn’t all of that so much of what qifrey taught her himself?

because i do think qifrey still has hope. i mean.. so much of his conflict COMES from having hope and chasing it and the agonizing feeling of that. (again, “from the pursuit of hope comes the cost that is despair itself”) but even if it hurts to live in a world that is unfair and feeling like you’re powerless, even if it is a hard and difficult battle to hold onto that hope despite everything, it’s always worth it. even a tiny little glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel is enough to run towards it.

i think that in the end what qifrey has left to do is let other people use that hope towards him.

(….although it might be a bit of a rocky road getting there AHAHAH i don’t know how many more epic qifrey moments like ch40 we’re getting….)

anyways this got really long i didn’t expect this to turn into a whole rant abt qifreys character HAHA but thank u if anyone reads this witch hat fandom is pretty small so i might actually tag all of this. i would love more witch hat mutuals ehe.. ❤️ have a good one

[cookie-crumblr]

I miss professor reichsgraf

GN! Bad Student Reader x Professor OC!

Minors DNI

CW: GN! Reader, reader referred to as they/them, no body descriptions for reader, lots of swearing tbh lol, reader is RUDE (just because they’re sleepy! we still stan🥰) spanking, pet names for reader(good kitten, darling), Sub!Reader, reader has hair(not described just enough to grab), fingering (not specified which hole dw), nipple play, crying reader, tetro?, overstim, dubcon(no proper safeword), sado maso, p in hole, not proofread.

(IDK i hope it turned out okay, it doesn’t seem the way i want it, but i can’t tell rn if it’s just me T.T)

“You are, quite possibly the worst student i’ve ever had the misfortune of teaching.”

You mock him on the phone with your bestie.

“Stupid ass over qualified teacher.”

“Fur reaaaalll. my gods, what an asshole!” they respond.

“It’s too bad he’s so hot. What a waste.” You resume what you were doing and hold the phone between your ear and shoulder.

“I would tap, i wonder if he’s into that like teacher/student play…” they trail off.

“Ew. please don’t fantasize about my dickwad professor. At least with me around,” You feign gagging.

The next day in class you’re slouching, hoping to the gods that he just forgets you exist so that you can try and catch up on your assignments… But Fuck it’s so hard! You don’t have time for school work when you’re home, because you’re usually sleeping, after your two jobs. And all these pompous professors do is give homework!!! ALL OF THEM.

It’s the end of the ninety minute mark and you, along with everyone else, starts packing your things.

“Y/L/N. Stay behind a minute.” Professor Reichsgraf sighs, and tosses an empty cup into the trash can.

“Uuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhg!” You groan, thankfully the room is loud enough that he might not of even—

“Gods, you’d swear I told you that you’re going to jail,” He laughs. He’s sat behind the desk a little slouched like normal, head in a hand, elbow on a stack of papers (probably so it’s more comfortable) you tsk out loud at your thoughts, before pretending to yawn.

What a class A assho-

“Have a seat,” he asks.

“This will take that long??” You sigh out frustratedly.

“Gods, you young peop—”

“Oh don’t you ‘young people these days’ Me, mister!”

“It’s Doctor.”

“Oooo big dif. Fuck off” You cross your arms and roll your eyes.

He rolls his own, “Just sit.”

With a *plop*! into the seat, you do.

The professor stands, his hand lazily traces a knot in his desk as he rounds the table and approaches you slowly. “I don’t usually do this…”

“Woah, Um isn’t there like a rule against—”

“What!?” He furrows his brow then massages it quickly between his finger and thumb. “No, i’m offering to tutor you,” He sighs in annoyance.

“Oh really?” You would still really like to at least pass… “Okay fine.”

“What? really? no deals needed?” He looks you over.

shrugging, you say, “I mean what are you offering?”

“Nope, it’s a done deal, you already signed the dotted line crossed your t’s and all that.” He steps ever closer, and leans on the table you’re sat at.

“When do we start?”

~

You’ve had a few sessions with your professor but nothing seems to be working, the information just isn’t sticking until…

“Bend over.” Reichsgraf growls, head in his hand in frustration.

“Excuse me?” Your brows raise in shock.

“Bend over my knee, right now. You aren’t learning this way.”

You think at first he’s lying. Just trying to make you uncomfortable or something, maybe a bee flew into his coffee this morning so he’s taking it out on you. You don’t know. But you do it. You get down, lay over his lap and wait.

His hand massages your rump, “Now what’s the answer to number five?”

“A?”

A hand comes down onto your flesh with a *Smack!*

“Ow!” You yelp! “What the fuck!?”

“What is the answer to number five? Don’t just guess.”

“Is it not A?” You ask, it looks right… Right?

*SMACK!”

“OW!!” You yelp again, louder this time, it stings so much more the second time!

“You know the answer.”

“C!” You suddenly remember something he said about it yesterday, and he’s right, you did know the answer!

“Good job, I’m impressed.” He isn’t lying, he really is. Only two spanks on the first time? Maybe he had been hoping for more though, to be honest.

It’s a unique way to have to learn like this, but with you, he’s happy to oblige. All the time spent being frustrated that you couldn’t commit even the simplest knowledge to memory, he can finally get rid of…

“Okay now six.”

“Do we have to do the whole assignment like this?”

“Yes. Six.”

You shout, “A!”

*Smack!*

“Shit! I mean B!” You wince.

“You guessed again. Read the answer, and tell me why it’s correct.”

“Do i have to? I got it right that time.”

Suddenly the hand on your rear moves to your clothed sex, he presses down hard and trails along the divide. A gnawing heat starts to grow in your lower half quickly.

“Hey! wait-!”

“We don’t have the time. what is the answer to seven?”

“D!”

“Good Kitten,” His baritone seems even deeper somehow, as he rubs you harder, your jeans are getting too hot to bare. “We need these off.” He tugs on your back belt loop.

“Yeah…” You shock yourself when you agree so readily. You stand to unbutton them and get them off, but he slaps your hands away and takes your pants off for you.

Your body gets thrown around until your bent over the desk and the wood’s digging into your hip bones.

“Professor-!”

A growl escapes his throat. his hair is messier than usual when you turn back to look, before he grabs yours and steers you forward.

His fingers enter you first, already setting a fast pace, he curls them and scissors them; all while pistoning so fast you feel like you’re already teetering on the edge. “Such a good kitten, you’re doing so good for me,” He hums deeply in his throat.

You whine and wriggle, until he tenses his grip in your hair and on your hip. His hand fans out over your skin and gropes you the entire way up to your chest, pressing a traveling dent into your stomach and over your ribs. Your brows peak, and your mouth hangs open.

“Seven.”

“SERIOUSLY???” You stomp, way to take you out of it.

*SLAP!* Your ass was sore from the earlier abuse, to be slapped now stings so brutally!!!

“F-fuck!!” You shake.

“Seven. Now.” His hand is raised and prepped to hit you again.

You shimmy and jump, “No, no more please!!”

*SLAP!*

“AHH!” You screech! “ummm,” You read the question rapidly through bleary eyes, “D! D! It’s D!!!” You shout and writhe in his grasp.

“I’m so proud of you, I knew you could do this,” He rubs something cooling on your ass cheek and it feels so much better!

“Oh thank you thank you oh my gods.” you let out so much air you feel dizzy. His cock starts to rub against you, making your dizzy spell last longer. it’s so hot and hard and.. LONG! Holy shit it’s so long! You’re gonna be speared to death on that thing! You drool at the anticipation! “Fuck me.” You say it in a long groan as an expression but also mean it very much.

“You deserve it, you’ve been doing so good,” Holy shit, his words strike some heavenly chord that opens your pearly gates wide for him, and he enters without resistance, taking his time to really appreciate your interior.

“Holy shit!” You can’t help the obscenities, they just fall from your lips naturally, you’re so surprised at all of this, at yourself for willingly doing it, at your hot teacher for wanting you in the first place, at so many things…. Most of all at how HOT his dick is like molten lava inside you and it feels fucking DIVINE.

“You’re such a good kitten,” He rubs you as you take his length.

His movements are calculated, every single one. No matter how fast they hit your spots like a master martial artist targeting pressure points. You aren’t getting a break from his assaults every strike is a critical blow. Even when he slows down his spongey head sweetly kisses those spots igniting obscene fires that don’t have time to burn out before being reignited fully.

You’re getting close, so painfully close to a volcanic eruption, your bubbling!

“Cum for me, darling” He leans down over your back, to whisper into your ear, his voice gravely and so low.

“AHH!!!” You scream out and your whole body goes rigid and convulses, his own cum shoots inside you and you take all of it.

“So good for me, you took me so well, darling…” His eyes practically have hearts in them.

[markerofthemidnight]

A Fuckton of Wiggly x Miss Holloway Headcanons Because You Liked It Last Time

For the past 24 hours I’ve been obsessing over this stupid crackship (I’ve considered calling it SeaWitch, but if anyone else has something better please share with the class), and a lot of you seemed to like this concept last time, so here goes.

(under the cut because this gets really, really long)

I can’t even begin to imagine the very specific circumstances that would make this pairing happen

Like, you know the classic romcom setup of “these two lead characters hate each other at the beginning, but as fate keeps pulling them together they start to realise they’re more alike than they thought, and then by the end of the movie they’re practically married”? That’s basically them in a nutshell

But still, it would only occur under very specific circumstances, so I’m going to skip the question “how did this happen” and go onto “what goes on after it happens”.

The best way to describe it is that she fell first, but he fell harder

Well, he didn’t necessarily fall harder, it’s just that Holloway’s just really good at internalising her emotions and not quite as head-over-heels (or tentacle tips, in this case?) as Wiggly is, at least on a surface level

That’s partly due to the fact that Holloway’s been through this whole song and dance too many times to count, whereas this, as far as the AU goes, is Wiggly’s first time feeling anything CLOSE to romantic love

It takes a special kind of gal to sweep an eldritch horror off his feet, and you don’t get much more special than Miss Holloway- he said so himself in Miss Holloween!

When she first fell for Wiggly, Holloway’s reaction was basically just… “shit shit shit this is not happening.” She was good at hiding it, because she always is, but internally? She was fucking panicking.

On one hand, he’s one of the only people in existence that isn’t affected by their contract, and based on what she now knows about him, the two aren’t so different

On the other, there is not a snowball’s chance in HELL that she genuinely has a shot at getting with this cosmic horror beyond her comprehension

Even if she does- which is a PRETTY BIG “if”, she’d be involving herself with something that regularly slaughters people without a second thought, people that she’s been trying to save from that fate for decades. It’s better for everyone to just leave that dream alone without a second thought.

And she tried. God, did she try, but it quickly became apparent that Wiggly had fallen for her just as hard, or even harder given the way he looks at her and speaks to her.

Not only was he making a conscious effort to visit her regularly, but his pupils visibly dilated at the sight of her. Among other changes, like playing with her hair when he thinks she’s not paying attention, and even calling her Holly (which may be her real name, or may just be an affectionate nickname and nothing else: up to you to decide)

And she tried so hard to not dig herself deeper into this hole, because she knew that once people start caring about a creature as powerful and malicious as that, they go down a dark path they can never return from.

But the way Wiggly looked at her, and relied on her as the only person he felt that he could talk to about his insecurities, it was just so relatable. So endearing. So… dare she say… cute.

As for Wiggly himself, it took him an embarrassingly long time for him to figure it out.

In fact, he didn’t figure it out until Blinky pulled him aside one day to talk about the way he’s been acting around Holloway as of recent, and how often he goes to visit her in general.

He laughed this off originally, confidently saying there’s no way he’d develop any kind of feelings for a mortal woman, and then left.

He returned to his lair nonchalantly, thought on it for a second… and then proceeded to go the brightest shade of red a creature covered in green fur possibly could as he came to the sudden realisation that, yes, he developed feelings for a mortal woman.

He didn’t visit her for a week after that. In fact, he started blushing again every time someone brought her up.

The next time they met was when Holloway decided to summon him again- not any of the other Lords, just him- because she “missed his company.”

Ok, not technically a lie, just vague enough to lull him into a sense of security without telling the whole truth and risking him freaking out.

He was blushing the whole time. And they both knew this, clearly. He was horrible at hiding it.

Eventually (emphasis on “eventually”- seeing him squirm in embarrassment was more than a little entertaining to her), she decided to put him out of his misery and talk about the real reason he was summoned

Remarkably yet understandably, they both agreed that their mutual crush was a horrible accident and they need to do something about it quick.

As time passed, they eventually came to the mutual decision that they should keep seeing each other, but keep the relationship (which, even then, is less of a relationship and more of an “it’s complicated” on Facebook) a secret

For Holloway that was because… well, how could she tell anyone, given the circumstances, but for Wiggly it was because he’d rather crawl in a hole and die of embarrassment than admit he has feelings for anyone, let alone a mortal woman.

So that was their plan… or at least, it was until seconds later when a flash of light hit their eyes, and they turned to see Blinky with his phone out- with the camera flash turned on for dramatic effect- and a nonchalant smile on his face, as he’d seen this coming the whole time

Who was also joined by Tinky, who looked positively heartbroken with his jaw slacked to the point of hanging off his face, Pokey, who was staring at the two with a confused and disappointed look, and Nibbly, who was just smiling at them in such a way that made them think he probably also saw this coming the whole time

Turns out they actually made bets as to whether or not they’d get together. No one (but Nibbly and Blinky) was pleased with this fact.

So as for the whole ‘glaring difference in moral alignment’ thing… they’re working on it. Wiggly’s trying to murder less, be nicer to people, and they’ve talked about apologising to his sister one day, as much as he really doesn’t want to do that

Holloway doesn’t want to throw away the only chance she has left at an actual relationship, and accepts that she’s asking Wiggly to basically change both his and his brothers’ whole lifestyle, so she’s being patient with him.

Oh, and as for Duke: I like to imagine this takes place in an alternate universe of Miss Holloween where, instead of giving up on the deal, she just buried herself deeper into her work hoping she’d just forget about Duke.

So he’s more or less fine, even if he still hasn’t completely gotten over her.

And it’s getting real late here, so… I suppose that’s essentially it.

[vendettaparker]

Clear [E.M]

Summary: Eddie makes it clear that he is the one for you, but life has other plans.

Word Count: 5.4k

Warnings: smut, swearing, angst, possible typos, ex steve harrington 

a/n: third and final part to the complex mini series 

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

Eddie comes home that night high off his ass. You can smell it on him the minute you greet him at the front door at three in the morning. His eyes are red and bleary, and he’s squinting far too much for your liking. 

“Hey, baby,” he breathes out, “missed you.” He pulls you in for a hug, despite the disgusted look on your face.

You knew Eddie was a dealer and you didn’t mind at all. It was his way of making money and he enjoyed partaking as well, so who were you to tell him what he could and couldn't do? But you never picked up the habit. You tried smoking with him once but ended up coughing it all back up into his face. He ended up shotgunning some of the smoke into your mouth, and you quite enjoyed that actually. That of course led to the first time you ever had sex high, which was an indescribable experience, to say the least. But still, you didn’t really like smoking the way Eddie did. You always had trouble getting the smoke in your lungs on your own, and you always ended up in coughing fits or burning your throat. Not the mention the smell, which always seemed to give you a headache. The first shit you took after getting high with Eddie, strangely enough, smelled like weed. Safe to say, that ruined the whole thing for you. 

“You smell,” you scrunch your nose up at him. 

“I know, ‘m sorry,” Eddie rests his head atop yours, his eyes drooping. “I would’ve headed back home but I missed you too much.”

“That’s sweet,” you smile, “but still, you stink. Can I please run you a bath?”

“Only if you join me,” Eddie says. You nod and lead in back into the house, “and rub my back for me?” 

“Sure, you big baby,” you chuckle. 

Eddie hums as he sinks into the hot water. You sit across from him in the tub, legs entangled considering the tight quarters. You wet a rag and soap it up before running it over Eddie’s shoulders. You let the suds run down his whole body, not missing the way they collect in the divots of his muscles. 

Eddie had a soft body. He wasn't as sculpted or hard as Steve. His body reflected him as a person perfectly. Soft, gentle, loving. That’s how you’d describe it. 

“How was the rest of the party?” you ask, dipping the rag back into the water before repeating. 

“So much fun,” Eddie smiles, “I’ve never seen Steve get so fucked up.” Eddie laughs, remembering the slurred rant Steve went on after two joints and four beers. 

“What’d he do?” 

“Oh, he was just being—I don’t know,” Eddie’s head lulls to the side, “just being a prick about something. It was funny though—how red his face got and stuff.”

“Did he say anything?” 

Eddie shrugs, humming out something that you don’t quite catch. You don’t mind though—it’s probably best that you don’t know all about Steve’s ramblings anyways after what you had said to him. And besides, you were starting to get pruny. 

“Okay, well, come on, big guy,” you say, standing up, “let’s go to bed.” 

You wrap Eddie in a towel, not unlike you would a child, and rub his upper arms, making sure he’s nice and dry. 

“It’s c-cold,” he complains quietly. 

“Yeah,” you nod, “it’s December so…”

“R-Right,” Eddie shivers. 

You put him in a t-shirt you stole from him and a pair of sweats that may have also come from his closet—though, there was also a good chance they were Steve’s. 

Once you’re in bed, you wrap your comforter over him, pressing your body close to his and tucking the comforter on the other side of yourself, trapping the two of you in a burrito of warmth. 

“Better?” you ask, breath fanning over his face. 

“Mhm,” Eddie nods, “warm.” 

“Yeah,” you give him a small smile. “I’ll see you in the morning, kay?” 

“Mhm,” Eddie nods, eyes already closed. He was asleep in minutes. 

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

Eddie’s favorite movie, surprisingly enough, was Dirty Dancing. You also frequently rented the movie from Family Video, but less because you actually enjoy it and more so for the fact that you thought Patrick Swayze was the hottest man in existence. So, every couple of weeks, when there was nothing new or exciting to watch, you would just rent Dirty Dancing again for you and Eddie. 

You walk into the Family Video looking down at your keys, hitting the lock button twice until you hear the beep of your car. “Hey Robin, anything new to—” You stop in your tracks after looking up and seeing Steve there, muscles practically bulging out of his polo with the way he has his arms folded, instead of Robin, who you were positive was working today. “Where’s Robin? It’s Saturday,” you ask, alluding to the fact that Robin’s set schedule always had her on Saturdays. 

“Stomach bug,” Steve says with a shrug, “what do you need?” 

“Just wanted to see if there was anything new,” you say, walking up to the counter, “but if not, I’ll take Dirty Dancing.” 

“Again?” Steve chuckles, “That’s the third time this month.” 

“Eddie likes it.” 

Steve’s smile falls before he nods and grabs the tape from a pile behind the counter. “Yeah, it’s a good pick and I don’t really have anything new. We don’t get new inventory until next week.” He places the film on the counter and scans it. 

“That’s fine. Dirty Dancing’s our favorite,” you nod, playing with the keys in your hand awkwardly. 

Steve nods and presses a few buttons on the computer. “That’ll be four dollars.” 

You reach into your purse and pull out a five. You had it to him with a tight-lipped smile. “Keep the change.” 

“You sure?” Steve asks, taking the five and putting them in the register. 

“Mhm,” you nod, picking up the tape, “thanks.” 

“No problem.” 

“So, um, bye,” you wave before turning around. 

Steve watches you go, not saying anything until your hand touches the glass. “So, you’re really happy with Eddie?” he asks.

You turned around to face him, hand resting on the glass door. “Yeah, I am,” you nod. 

“That’s good,” Steve says, “I mean, that’s great. It’s wonderful even—I’m happy for you.” 

“Thanks,” you give him a tight-lipped smile. Steve just nods back. “Um, bye” you wave again. 

“Wait,” Steve stops you, coming out from behind the counter to talk to you, “how are, uh, your classes?” 

“We’re still on break,” you say, “but I ended the semester in a good place.” 

“That’s great,” Steve nods, “when do you go back?” 

“Not until next week.” 

“Cool, cool.” 

“Yup.” 

“I still have the loan papers,” Steve says, “if you want them, that is.” 

“Actually, I have thought about it,” you say, “and I think I may have taken your offer the wrong way. So, if it’s okay with you, I think I will accept the money.” 

“Yeah, of course, of course.” Steve nods, “I can drop it off to you after work?”

“Sure,” you nod, “I’ll be at Eddie’s.” 

“Right. So, I guess I’ll see you later?” 

“Mhm. Bye,” you wave again, pressing on the glass your hand had been resting patiently on and opening the door to slip out of.

“Wait,” Steve stops you again, making you turn back into the store with a small huff, “just out of curiosity,” he says, “did you mean what you said? When I dropped you off the other night? Or were you just trying to hurt me?” 

“I don’t know,” you shrug with a sigh. And in truth, you really didn’t know. Of course, you wanted to hurt Steve, but at the end of the day, you couldn’t really bring yourself to paint him as the villain. You’d once thought that nobody could hold a candle to him. Everyone used to pale in comparison. That type of obsessive love doesn’t just go away. “I guess both.” Steve raises his eyebrows prompting you to explain further. “I did want to hurt you, but I guess I also don’t really feel anything.” You started to walk out the door again, before stopping once more and turning back around. “And even if I did,” you went on, “y’know, if I did still have feelings for you, it wouldn’t really matter,” you shook your head, “I’m with Eddie and I really like him. And, you only like me now because you can’t have me.” 

Steve was prepared to protest, but deep down, he knew that his constant switching up was confusing and unfair to you. So he bit his tongue and simply nodded, “Yeah, I’m just glad you’re happy.” 

“You are?” 

“Of course I am, (Y/N).” Steve says sincerely, “We were friends for years before we even started hooking up.”

“Yeah, we were,” you smile, “and we still are, right?” 

“Yeah,” Steve nods, throwing his signature smile right back at you. 

“Cool,” you nod, turning around again, “I’ll see you later?” 

“Yeah, I’ll stop by with the papers.” 

“Okay,” you say, finally slipping out the door and returning to your car. Once you’re settled in the driver's seat, key in the ignition gears set to drive, you look up and see Steve, standing at the window of the Family Video, giving you a final wave. That’s when you start to feel the butterflies again, eating away at your insides. 

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

Maybe it's the fact that you’re ovulating, or maybe it’s the fact that Eddie looks so good in his Hell Fire t-shirt and black jeans, or maybe it’s the fact—the very real fact—that you feel guilty for letting Steve Harrington make your heart do leaps again. It doesn't matter the reason though, because it ends with Eddie’s cock pounding into you wildly while you moan wantonly, not unlike those porn stars you’ve seen on those tapes Steve kept in the back room of Family Video. 

“Fuck, Eddie!” you nearly cry at how deep he is. His hands are on your hips, moving you up and down his length. His grunts and groans are muffled as he bites his lips, eyes focused hazily on the way his cock looks entering you. “Harder! Fuck me harder!” 

Your hands are on his biceps, nails digging into him. Your legs are both over his shoulders, forcing his tip to kiss your cervix with each thrust. Eddie obliges, hips slapping loudly into yours. “Fuck, you’re so tight. Fucking perfect pussy,” Eddie pants. You can see the sweat on his brow threatening to seep into his eye. He clenches his eyes shut, “I gotta slow down, fuck, (Y/N), I-I’m gonna cum.” 

“Do it,” you beg, “it’s okay, cum all in me, Eddie. Please please please—” your pleas are cut off by the moan Eddie lets out as his hot cum squirts into you, painting your walls white. 

“Fuck,” Eddie pants, sitting up to let your legs fall off his shoulders. The second he knows he won’t crush you in half, he flops on top of you, laying his sweaty head on your similarly slick chest. “Did you, uh—”

You shook your head, making him frown. “It’s okay though,” you assure him.

“Are you sure?” Eddie asks, “If you give me a few minutes I can keep going.” 

“It’s fine—” You’re cut off by the sound of knocking on the trailer door. 

Eddie groans, but hauls himself off you anyway, dropping to the floor to pick up his clothes to put back on. You sit up and lift your hands over your head to stretch, the position Eddie had you in left a crick in your back.

The knocking comes again as you pull one of Eddie’s t-shirts over your head. “I’m coming!” Eddie yells, fumbling with his pants as he hops down the hall, only one leg in his sweats. You walk in to see Eddie standing with Steve at the door. “Hey, what’s up?” 

“Hey,” Steve says, “just came to drop this off for (Y/N),” he holds out the envelope to you. 

You walk over and take it. “Thanks, I really appreciate it.”

“Yeah, of course,” Steve nods before turning his attention to Eddie, “are those my sweats? How’d you get them?” 

“These?” Eddie looks down, “No, I got these from (Y/N)’s…place…” he looks over at you, “Are these Steve’s?” 

“Um,” you look down at the sweatpants, now noticing the signature Tommy Hilfiger logo on the waistband. There was no point in denying it—since when did Eddie ever wear name brands? “Yeah, I guess they are.” 

“How did they end up at your house?” Eddie asks. 

“Um,” you look between the boys, trying to find the best way to explain this, “he, uh, left them there.”

“When?” Eddie frowns, looking between you and Steve now. 

“Oh, right,” Steve snaps, “I left them there after we went swimming over the summer. I totally forgot about them. You can keep them tho, Eds. They fit you better anyway,” his smile is tight and forced as he looks at the sweats he used to love to see you in. It hurt him even more, seeing your messy hair and the fact that you didn’t even bother to put pants on, knowing that you and Eddie probably weren’t just laying down to watch Dirty Dancing. And now, Eddie’s wet dick was in his sweatpants.

“Oh, okay. Sorry about that,” Eddie tries to laugh it off, but you can see clear as day the suspicion in his eyes. Steve wasn’t known for his ability to lie. “I can wash ‘em and run them by sometime.” 

“Yeah, sure, don’t stress about it,” Steve says, backing up towards the door, “I’ll see you guys later.”

“Bye,” you wave as he walks out the door. Eddie closes it behind him before turning back to you. 

“These aren’t from when you went swimming, are they?” He says, motioning down to the sweats. 

“No,” you shake your head, “they aren’t.” You didn’t want to lie to Eddie. It was clear he already didn’t believe Steve’s story, and for you to lie to him would just make it worse. 

Eddie nods before letting out a sigh. “Okay then.” 

“It’s not what you think, though,” you stop Eddie, putting your hand on his chest to stop him from walking past you, “really.” 

“What is it then?” Eddie asks pointedly, pushing away from you.“Because, honestly, it really looks like you’ve been sleeping with him.”

“I’m not,” you say, grabbing his arm, “I swear, Eds. I’d never do that to you.” 

Eddie shakes his head. “I want to believe you, (Y/N), but I just—it would explain why you two have been acting so weird.”

“What do you mean?” 

“Before Steve left for California you guys seemed fine—normal and shit, but the second he comes back, you’re all dark and twisty around him.” Eddie explains, “It makes sense now. You’re trying to seem distant from him so I wouldn’t suspect that you guys are sleeping together.” Eddie has this look on his face—an almost satisfied look as if something just became crystal clear to him and he just cracked a case.

You want to laugh. You really do at Eddie’s poor assessment of the situation. And although you know that it’ll make things worse, you let a little chuckle slip through.

“Oh, so this is funny now?” Eddie scoffs. 

“No, no,” you shake your head, trying to wipe the smile from your face, “you just couldn’t be more wrong.”

“I think you should go.” Eddie tries to pull away. 

“No,” you squeeze his arm tighter, “you’re not even going to hear me out?” 

“What is it then?” Eddie snaps, “Spit it out!”

“I…” you hesitate, “I’m not sleeping with Steve…anymore.”

“But you were?” You nod, tears brimming in your eyes now from Eddie’s harsh tone and the defeated look on his face. “Okay,” Eddie sighs. 

“Are you mad at me?” 

“No—yes—I-I don’t know.” Eddie says, rubbing his face, “I think you should still go.” 

“I’m really sorry,” you try, “but you have to understand, I care about you so much, Eds—”

“But you don’t love me,” Eddie points out. 

“What? H-How could you say that?” 

“You never say it! I’ve said I love you so many times now—you still haven’t even said it back once.” 

“I—”

“(Y/N), I love you. I really do, but I just feel like you’re not there with me.” 

“I am, Eddie,” you assure him, “I am. It just—I’m just taking my time.” 

“Why?” Eddie asks. 

“Because I don’t want to get hurt again.” You admit. 

That’s when it clicks for Eddie. The tears in your eyes now shoot him back to a time, not so long ago, when he saw the same look on your face. The night he played your night in shining armor and took you to get ice cream. The night of your first kiss, when he metaphorically and physically, wiped the tears from your eyes with his affection. 

“It was Steve,” he says knowingly, “Steve was the reason you were crying that night.” 

You nod, tears falling down your cheeks, “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you, but he was your friend and I didn’t want to make things weird or something between you two—”

“No, no,” Eddie shushed you and takes you in his arms, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t being fair. You have every right to keep your past relationships to yourself. And Steve—fuck, he’s such an ass for doing that to you, baby.”

“It’s okay,” you sniffle, “really, it’s in the past—”

“It’s not okay,” Eddie shakes his head, “not at all. I’d never hurt you like that.”

“I know,” you nod, cupping Eddie’s face. “but my past relationships don’t matter, Eds,” you say, looking into his eyes and running your thumbs across his cheeks. “I have you and that’s all that matters. I love you. I really do.” 

Eddie squeezes you tighter, “I love you too, (Y/N).” 

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

Eddie was acting weird. You assumed it was because of the recent revelation he had discovering your and Steve’s history, so you didn’t question it. He had every right to be a little cold and distant. Besides, when school started back up the two of you were too busy anyway. You didn’t have nearly as much time to spend at Eddie’s trailer, watching movies and having sex. Your second-semester classes kept you more than well-occupied.

But, as the month went by, you had to acknowledge how strange Eddie’s behavior was. He would ignore you for days, and then he’d lovebomb you like crazy. He’s go cold and quiet, right before attaching himself to your hip for hours on end. There were times when you didn’t even know what he was up to, but then there were times when you kind of wished he’d find something else to do, rather than sit there and watch you do homework. 

“Don’t you have school today?” you eye him suspiciously as he follows you to your car. It was Eddie’s final attempt to pass senior year. 

“Well, yeah, but this is my year, baby,” Eddie assures, “I’m getting that diploma.” 

“Not if you skip class, you aren’t,” you raise your eyebrows. 

“Come on,” Eddie whines, “I just wanna spend the day with you.” 

“It’ll be boring,” you warn him, “art history isn’t nearly as riveting as it sounds.”

“You’re the only work of art I need to keep entertained,” Eddie says with a smile.

“Yeah, I don’t think I can spend a day with you like this,” you joke, opening the driver’s side door and getting in. You close the door and roll down the window to say goodbye to Eddie. 

“Please,” Eddie begs, putting his hand on the edge of the opened car window. 

“Eds,” you coo, “go to school. You’re gonna be late.” 

“I told you, babe, I can afford to miss a day.”

“And I told you,” you say with a sympathetic smile, “you need to go to your classes. It’s an important habit to make—colleges won’t be on top of it as much so you really have to take your learning into your own hands.” 

“Yeah, okay,” Edie hangs his head sadly, “can we at least get dinner tonight?” 

“Of course,” you place your hand over his, giving him a gentle squeeze before starting the car, “I’ll be done by three, okay?” 

“Yeah,” Eddie nods. 

“Do you have Hellfire tonight?” 

“Yeah, but I’m gonna let Garth lead,” Eddie says. 

“What? But you never miss,” you frown, “are you sure?” 

“I want to spend more time with you,” Eddie explains. 

“We have all the time in the world, Eds,” you chuckle, “just go to the meeting. I’m sure Dustin would much rather have you as Dungeon Leader or whatever.” 

“Dungeon Master,” Eddie corrects. 

“That’s what I said,” 

“Okay, sure,” Eddie smiles. 

“I gotta get going or I’ll be late,” you sigh. “See you tonight—” Your parting is cut off by Eddie’s lips pressing against yours through the car window. He bends down low, placing his hand on your jaw as he wiggles his tongue past your lips. You pull away with a smile, “that’s one way to say goodbye.” 

“Mhm,” Eddie hums, his head pressed against your forehead. 

“But really, Eds, I gotta go.” 

“Yeah,” Eddie nods sadly. “See ya.” 

You drive off, thinking about the sad look on Eddie’s face you left him with. You can’t possibly understand why Eddie would be so solemn all of the sudden. Of course, you felt bad for not letting him go to class with you, but his education was important. He’d been going on and on all year, even from before the two of you started dating, about how this was his year. Last year’s students all had to repeat the year due to some unforeseen circumstances, and with last year being Eddie’s closest year to getting his diploma, he was determined to get it this year. He was so close he could practically feel the paper in his hands. 

You would have loved to spend the day with Eddie, but you wanted him to stay focused on school as much as he could right now. But that was strange for him, Eddie used to skip out on class all the time. It kind of made sense actually that after not missing a day yet this year, he’d be feeling a little burnout. It was strange, however, how adamant he was about missing Hellfire. He never missed Hellfire. Even when he had food poisoning from eating expired Spaghetti-Os, he still managed to pull himself together by three. He kept a bin by his chair the whole time. 

You spend the whole lecture thinking about Eddie’s strange behavior. The only thing to pull you from your thoughts is a hand tapping your shoulder. 

“Hey, (Y/N),” the girl behind you whispers.

Her name is Chloe. You remember her from high school, as well as the fact that you’d been in the same lecture all year and you even had some projects together. Her dad was the assistant principal of Hawkins.

“Hey, what’s up?” you whisper back with a smile. 

“I just wanted to see if you’d congratulate Eddie for me,” she says, “I mean, a scholarship, that’s a huge deal. My whole family is super proud of him.” 

“A scholarship?” you ask. 

“Yeah,” Chloe nods, “he didn’t tell you about it?” 

“Must’ve slipped his mind,” you shrug off, “but of course, I’ll let him know. Thanks!”

Eddie hadn’t said anything about a scholarship. You were nearing Spring break already and he hadn’t mentioned anything about his plans for after high school. Honestly, you assumed he would just go straight to work like Steve did, or maybe even just go to the community college like you. 

Eddie was a smart guy though, he just lacked the motivation. Hence why it took him multiple times to get through his senior year. It was also the reason why he was sat in his English class, staring at the clock until it was over. 

“Mr. Munson,” his teacher calls from the front of the room, “just because you got into college doesn’t mean you can start goofing off again. Now, can you explain to me Hemingway’s unique style of writing?” 

Eddie twiddles with his pencil, all eyes on him. Nobody expects him to know the answer, and if it were any other year, he’d just shrug and say he doesn’t know. But this year was his year. 

“Hemingway writes in short, straight to the point, sentences. He doesn’t have a lot of dialogue or descriptions in his writing, and most of his works are boring because of this.”

The class snickers at his final comment and even the teacher lets a small smile slip. “Correct,” she says, turning back around to the board, “but next time, please keep your opinions to yourself, no matter how true they might be.”

Eddie nods and turns his attention back to the clock, waiting for the final bell to ring so he can race out of class to see you.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

“So…” you look up from your plate after poking around at your pasta with your fork, “anything new going on with you?” Your subtlety could use some work.

Eddie shrugs. “I got a B on my science project. Same one from last year, but I got a better grade this time.”

“That’s great,” you smile at him. Of course, you were proud of him no matter what, but that wasn’t quite what you were trying to get at. “Is there anything else? Like maybe… anything that has to do with college?” 

Eddie stops cutting up his chicken. All his movements falter for a moment before he shakes his head. “Nope.” 

You drop your fork on your plate with a sigh. “Eddie.” He looks up at you, seeing the warm smile on your face. “I know about the scholarship.” 

“You do? How? I didn’t say anything to anyone—”

“Chloe Barker, the assistant principal's daughter, is in my art history class,” you explain. “Why wouldn’t you tell me? I’m so so proud of you, Eds.” 

“I—I just didn’t want you to be upset,” Eddie lets a breath, “because I’m not accepting it.” 

“What? Why? This is a great opportunity for you—”

“The scholarship is for the University of Washington,” Eddie says, “I—I can’t just leave you.”

You’re taken aback by the news, but overall, you know that you need to be supportive. Eddie could finally get out of this town and start anew. He could finally go somewhere else and start making new friends. He could finally live in a place where he’d e accepted. It would be unfair of you to make this about you. You’d only been dating for a few months—way less than a year. You couldn’t get hurt over this. 

“T-That’s great,” you muster up a bright smile, “really, Eddie. You did it.” You reach for his hand and give it a squeeze. “I’m so proud of you, Eds, and I-I think you should go.”

“But…I’d have to leave.” 

“That’s okay,” you assure him, “I mean, this is your education. It’s your future. You have to do what’s best for you.” 

“Even if it means we aren’t together?” Eddie frowns. 

“We can try long distance,” you offer, though deep down you know it’s a losing battle, “I could come there for the summers and you could come back here for Christmas, o-or we could just call. We’ll call all the time.” 

“I don’t want to leave you,” Eddie shakes his head, “I really really don’t.” 

“I know,” you nod, “I don’t want you to leave either, but you need to do this. Don’t let me keep you here, Eddie. It’s not worth it.”

“You’re worth it.”

“Eddie,” you pull your hand away from him, “you need to go.” 

“But—”

“I love you so much,” you assure him, “I love you because you’re kind and funny and you’re such a good person, Eds. But I also love you because you’re so smart—way more than you ever get credit for. You need to do this for yourself.” 

The tears in Eddie’s eyes shine under the soft lights in Enzo’s. He sniffles, wiping his nose on his sleeve. “It’s four years, (Y/N). What if we can’t do long distance for four years?” 

“Then you’ll find someone else,” you say sadly, “and she’ll be just as good for you as I am.” 

It took convincing, not just from you but from all his friends. It took months of convincing even. Eddie didn’t fully commit until June. That summer was the best of your life though. Maybe it was because you knew your time was limited, so you ended up just appreciating every single moment that much more.

The day you said goodbye to Eddie at the airport was one of the hardest days of your life. 

“Do you have everything?” you ask, walking hand in hand with him to the security station, where you wouldn’t be allowed to pass. 

“Yeah,” Eddie nods, “I shipped all my clothes there last week, I got my guitar, my albums, my deodorant—I didn’t bring any soap, d’you think they’ll have soap there?” 

“Im sure they’ll have soap there,” you chuckle as you approach security. You stop and give Eddie’s hand a squeeze, “so… this is as far as I can go.” 

“Yeah,” Eddie nods, looking down at your intertwined fingers. The melancholy look on his face was not missed by you. He wore it ever since he said goodbye to everyone at Steve’s house. His last going-away party was bittersweet, to say the least. 

“Hey,” you brought a hand to his chin, urging him to look at you, “you’ll be okay.” 

“I know, I’m just gonna miss you.” 

“I’ll miss you too,” you smiled sadly, “so much, but this is good for you.” 

“I hate change.” 

“This is good change,” you promised him, “you’ll love it.” 

“Not loving it so much right now,” Eddie chuckled sadly, tears glistening in his eye.  

“Yeah, me neither.” You admitted, wiping the stray tears from his cheeks. 

“Boarding for flight 271 to Seattle, Washington will begin in ten minutes.” 

“That’s you,” you say, playing with the strings on Eddie’s hoodie. He nods but makes no effort to remove himself from you. “You’ll call me when you land?” 

“Mhm,” he hums, knowing that if he tried to talk it’d only come out in a broken sob. 

“Okay,” you nod, tears making their way to your eyes now as well. “Give me a kiss before you go.” 

Eddie doesn’t hesitate, pulling you in and smashing his mouth against yours. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he was trying to consume you—in a way, he was. In fact, he had. He had consumed you, mind, body, and soul. He took your broken heart and mended it himself. He stitched up each piece every so carefully, taking care so as to not hurt you further. He was everything you could have ever asked for in a person. And for a time, he was yours.

“Eddie,” you pulled away, tears sticky on your cheeks, “you have to go.” 

He nods, walking away, keeping your hand in his. Only when you are an arm's length away and he can no longer hold you, does he let go. He doesn’t even look back.

You walk back to your car with your head hung low. You could still feel the ghost of Eddie’s lips on your own. 

“Hey,” a voice pulls you out of your stupor. You look up to see Steve, leaning against your car.

“What’re you doing here?” you ask, wiping the tears from your eyes. 

“Eddie asked me to make sure you got home okay.” 

“He did?” 

Steve opens the car door for you. “Yeah, he figured you be too sad to drive.”

You chuckle, hopping into the passenger seat. “Yeah, I am. Thanks.”  

“Don’t mention it,” Steve says, shutting the door before getting into the driver's side. 

The car ride is silent, save for Steve tapping on the steering wheel at every red light. You look out the window and watch the scenery whizz by on the freeway until you see the familiar Hawkins exit sign. 

“Want to grab a burger?” Steve asks. 

“Yeah, that’d be really great actually.” 

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

A/N: that’s it for this mini series/three-shot! the ending is kind of open for interpretation... maybe reader ends up back in steve’s arms while eddie is away, or maybe she ends up moving to washington to be with him... that’s completely up to you! i had so much fun writing this little story and i definitely will be dipping my feet into the more stranger things fics! also... for those in the comments asking to join the taglist... please click the link provided in my taglist reblog! it has certain specifications you need to make to make sure you get on the correct list!

[dailylesliec]

[TRANSLATION] Art and Piece Issue 16 - Dora Ng about Leslie Cheung

"If you ask me what I miss most about him, I think it’d be that really kind and approachable feeling."

FLOATING BY, SWEEPING PAST, THEN REMEMBERING AGAIN

Dora Ng - Costume Lead, "He's a Woman, She's a Man"

I am Dora Ng, I love fashion, am a movie costume director/ lead, and had the privilege of snapping a few design shots for Gor-Gor. In the blink of an eye, twenty years have passed. My relationship with him can probably be described as... honest acquaintances. Actually, we only worked together a few times, but the first collaboration was already the most well-known one: He’s a Man, She’s a Woman.

Being in the industry for so many years, I can’t deny that a superstar like Leslie felt very distant at first. It’s only when I got to know him that I found his friendliness and warmth could melt the ice between person and person. I first worked with him on “He’s a Man”, and at the time we frequently discussed our worries about the budget being quite small. He generously said, “Come to my house and pick out some clothes then!” He was completely serious - it was both surprising and touching. To be blunt, Gor-gor’s home was a sea of clothes, but he never hurried us or questioned us. The most memorable time was when we spent over two hours there but still hadn’t finished our work. He ended up saying, “Since this is the situation now, how about you stay for dinner together?” It was just a simple sentence. An outsider might find it hard to understand how meaningful that was, but Gor-gor was that person who is always willing to help you; always willing to give you patience, time and space.

He wouldn’t stop chatting with you, and would try his best to make you relaxed. That’s still something unforgettable for me. Other than the two He’s a Man films, I also worked with Gor-gor on Okinawa Rendez-vous and Anna Magdalena. I especially remember that Leslie refused to wear big brands in Anna Magdalena and suggested wearing regular clothing instead. He was very clear on the fact that the character was an ordinary magazine editor and not Leslie Cheung. However, my most unforgettable memory of him is still the filming of Who’s The Woman, Who’s The Man. I took a few design shots of Leslie so we could be more coordinated in changing outfits for different scenes. I remember for one of those pictures, I was really nervous while holding the stack of clothes at the side, waiting for Leslie to change. Gor-gor, being the caring and attentive person that he was, started chatting with me and then suddenly stretched out his arm and patted me on the head. He said one sentence: “Don’t worry, you have your market too.” Even for the hotel scene in He’s A Man, Gor-gor saw that I looked very nervous, so he pushed me on the bed and tickled me, saying repeatedly, “Smile a little, don’t be so nervous!” Leslie in the mid-90s was the most popular superstar - he could have just sat and waited, but he was always so caring to everyone and everything around him. He was always very sensitive and thoughtful towards us.

I definitely have feelings of regret and sadness, especially when I knew that Leslie was planning his directorial debut while filming the He’s a Man series and Anna Magdalena. Yee Chung Man and I both had the opportunity to work on that film, but when the opportunity disappeared, that feeling of sorrow and missing him was really hard to describe. If you ask me what I miss most about him, I think it’d be that really kind and approachable feeling - no wonder everyone called him “Gor-gor”.

Gor-gor, floated by, swept past, and remembered again - that memory always feels warm in my heart.

T/N: Translated the lyric “飄過掠過再記起” from the song “妳在何地/Where Are You” as “Floating By, Sweeping Past, Then Remembering Again”.

Translated by me (@dailylesliec on Twitter/Tumblr), do not repost without credit. If you like this translation, consider following me or buying me a Ko-fi. For the formatted PDF version of this article, click here.

[darcyfangirlsfrequently]

Meet the Family - chapter 1: Meet the Brothers

Work/chapter summary: After Penelope's brothers reach out and she catches them up one what's been going on in her life, they invite her and her long-term boyfriend, Luke, down for a visit. Hearts are healed, promises are made, and everyone is happy again.

Chapter word count: 989

Can also be read here on Ao3

“My brothers reached out to me today,” Penelope said out of the blue one night as she lay in her boyfriend’s arms.

Luke was stunned. “Oh?” In the two years they had been together, and even two years before they’d gotten together, her brothers hadn’t spoken to her once.

“Yeah. They wanted my perspective on why I had done the things I had done. And apparently, they’ve all been in therapy about it and finally came to the conclusion that they shouldn’t blame me for our parents’ deaths.” “Because they shouldn’t.” 

“Okay, I know that, and you know that, but that’s a hard pill to swallow for them. They were so young…” “Just because you were legally an adult doesn’t mean you weren’t young either,” he argued. “I know, I know,” she replied, trying to appease him. “But anyways. We talked. Worked through it. They asked me what was going on in my life.”

“Oh, and obviously you told them your life is so plain and boring and you have no updates,” he teased.

Penelope shoved him lightly, laughing. “No! I told them about my boyfriend, who is super hot, and awesome, and totally in love with me.”

Luke chuckled deep in his throat. “Is that not how you described your non-existent boyfriend to me when we met?”

“I was predicting the future.”

“Uh-huh. Sure. Okay.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re so rude. Anyway, we’ve been invited down. They want to meet you.”

Luke’s eyes went wide. “They do?”

“Well, I mean, I mentioned we live together and are planning for the future, so yeah. Also, I’m not going there without you. No thank you.”

“Aw, you love me so much you can’t be without me?”

“No. I want my guard dog.”

He scoffed. “Wow, babe. Feeling the love.”

“Oh, hush, you big baby. Are we going or not?”

“Do you want to see them?”

“They’re my brothers. My family. Of course I do. I miss them. And I want you to meet them. I want my family to know I’ve found the person I’m spending the rest of my life with.”

“Then we’ll go.”

“Really?”

Luke held her a bit tighter. “Yes, Penelope. If you want to see them, you should see them, and wherever you go, I follow. Besides, I need to meet my future brothers-in-law at some point.”

Penelope squinted. “Can you even call them that if you haven’t proposed to me yet?”

“It’s coming. I promise.”

“Well, you’re sure taking your sweet time.” For someone who started the relationship unsure if marriage was ever something she would want, she was quite impatient for the impending proposal.

He kissed her lightly. “Patience, baby. Good things come to those who wait.” He totally wasn’t delaying because he still couldn’t find the perfect ring. Absolutely not.

***

Penelope was a nervous wreck their entire flight over and Luke, ever the doting boyfriend, did his absolute best to calm and comfort her and get her stress levels down. “What if we can’t work through things?” Penelope fretted, hands flapping a bit. 

Luke knew better than to try to hold her hand and prevent her from stimming. It was how she needed to vent her stress. He rested a hand on her knee instead. “Then at least you’ll have tried. If things go well, then great! And if they don’t, then you’ll have done everything you could. You won’t be stuck living with any regrets.”

She rested her head on his shoulder. “You are very good with comforting words.”

“Well, I’ve only known you for six years, and been your boyfriend for two of them, and learned how best to make you feel better.”

She laughed dryly. “God knows I’ve had enough freak-outs in that time to give you plenty of practice dealing with me.”

“You’re not someone I have to ‘deal with,’ Penelope. You’re someone I love and choose to comfort and support.”

She groaned into his shoulder. “How are you so perfect?”

Luke scoffed in response. “You know I am far from it.”

“You’re pretty perfect for me.”

He smiled and kissed her softly. “I’m so glad you think so.”

***

Penelope was visibly anxious as they walked into the arrivals section after collecting their bags. Luke squeezed her hand three times, a silent reminder that he was there. He had her back. He loved her. 

“That’s them,” she whispered, gesturing with her head at four men who were standing off at the side. 

They saw her at the same moment.

“Penelope!” The youngest, Eddie, threw himself into her arms. He was only eight when their parents died and Penelope left, he had missed her the most. The rest of her brothers followed soon after. 

Introductions were made all around and hugs were given. Penelope was a bit worried that Carlos still wouldn’t look at her, but he wrapped her in the tightest hug.

“Hi,” he whispered.

She smiled and hugged him back. 

After all hugs and greetings were exchanged, Penelope found herself tucked back under Luke’s arm. It wasn’t even intentional. They gravitated toward that kind of touch now.

***

Much to Penelope’s relief, things weren’t awkward between her and her brothers. They were just happy to have her back in their lives and were happy that she was so happy with Luke. 

Luke’s presence seemed to lighten the atmosphere, or maybe that was just her perspective. Everything seemed lighter when he was around. 

Carlos began to tease her, which warmed her heart. Things had been the most tense between them, but it was a sign that they were getting back to normal. She had told him, or, rather, “complained,” about Luke when she’d been back for the hearing. Now, she was tucked under Luke’s arm, blissfully in love and planning her life with him. 

Penelope felt a sense of peace she hadn’t felt in years. She had her brothers again. She had Luke. Everything was going to be okay.

[labellefleur-sauvage]

I am obsessed with ‘The Highland Fox and The English Rose’ please I have questions:

What inspired you to write this?

Do you know how talented and incredible you are?

Have you seen outlander by chance?

(Spoiler question): In meters, how big is Laid! Lucien? Or are we to find out with Miss Elain?

If you would like….could you share a little snippet of any part of the series? (You can every share deleted scenes—I am in love)

What does your research process look like?

Feel free to answer this ask after the series has ended! Hope you’re doing well! Please forgive my enthusiasm.

First of all, do you know how insanely sweet and amazing you are??

This is such a lovely comment that absolutely made my day!! I love your enthusiasm! I apologize for the delay but I’ve been steadily working on this ask, because I want to give it the attention it deserves.

(More under the cut, including a very brief snippet from the next chapter, because idk how to write succinctly)

Honestly, my only inspiration for this fic was general vibes😂 I’ve been reading a lot of historical romances lately, and in my American mind, Scotland is such a romanticized area of the world that is still recognizable to readers that I thought it would be fun to explore. And selfishly, I thought that Lucien would look hot in a kilt and wanted to write about that.

I’ve seen a few episodes of Outlander, but I’m more familiar with the books (at least the first two or three). I didn’t realize until very recently that maybe SJM based Lucien somewhat off of Outlander’s main man, Jamie Fraser, but I feel very smug for picking up what SJM was throwing down.

Hmm, how big is Lucien (what parts do you mean😏😏??) I imagine him tall but not excessively so—maybe 1.87 or 1.88 meters (around 6’ to 6’1 for the Americans). I headcanon Elain more on the shorter side, so Lucien doesn’t need to be huge to get that size difference we all know and love (unless you meant his dick, in that case Elain will definitely learn sooner rather than later)

My research is never ending. I start with large ideas and concepts (Scotland in the 17-18th centuries, looking over clan maps, etc.) then narrow it down as topics come up (in canon Lucien has a metal eye, but those have never really existed in our world, so when were glass eyes invented and accessible to the public? What did people in the Highlands eat and wear? Were pencils around during this time period, or was everyone writing with ink and quills?) and so on. I don’t have access anymore to Jstor for academic articles so I’m mainly confined to articles and blogs online. For those, I try to look to see if the author lists their sources for the article—if they do, I generally consider it a good enough source. It’s even better if I’m able to find a good primary source, like paintings and pamphlets, to describe something.

All that being said, if something I want to write isn’t quite historically accurate but the vibes are sexy, I’m probably gonna go with whats fun and sexy. I’m doing this for myself and for free and I’m not being graded—who cares if the colors in someone’s kilt isn’t accurate because there’s no native plants that color the people would have used as dye?

Thank you again for your support and enthusiasm and all your lovely comments on my fic! Truly, seeing people get excited over this makes me so happy and is keeping me so motivated!

Finally, a little snippet from the next chapter…

Lucien woke, as he had every morning since the day after his wedding, hard as his dirk.

Sighing, he threw his quilt off his heated body and leaned up on his elbows to stare at his cock, a slight frown as on lips. He had hoped his body would have gotten the hint by now that it wasn't going to have any company other than his hand for a while. Apparently, his little tryst with Elain last night had convinced it otherwise.

He looked over to his window. The window was slightly ajar, and the thin, gauzy curtains framing the glass fluttered softly as the gentle breeze brought the earthy scent of the loch into Lucien’s room. The sun was out with hardly a cloud spoiling the bright blue sky overhead. It was going to be a beautiful day, and he really needed to get out of bed and begin his long list of tasks.

That could wait a few minutes, though.

[mareastrorum]

The Fool and the Soldier: Chapter Commentary

Chapter 2: Home & Traveler

On off weeks, I’ll be posting some commentary on the prior week’s chapter. Since this is a longfic, I expect that it will be helpful for keeping track of stuff, plus I might mention something you missed. Of course, this will include spoilers, so continue with that in mind.

These aren’t meant to be comprehensive! There is so much more going on that I’m not saying. Feel free to ask questions too, either in replies or asks. If it’s too spoilery, I’ll let you know. I’ll add them to the body at the bottom as I receive them.

See the directory for other meta posts.

Home & Traveler

The title of this chapter is yet another card from Molly’s deck. As he described in a later scene, it’s about the before/after a journey and a journey itself. In this story, it’s the wind down from Chapter 1 and establishes where we are in certain character arcs and relationships that weren’t quite addressed yet.

Elatis

One set of characters that I need to establish, of course, is the Somnovem! Since the Somnovem split up emotions, I figured they probably specialized in other ways as well. The most obvious ones were Ira (anger), Timorei (fear), Gaudius (love), and Luctus (grief). The rest were squishy enough that I took some time to really iron them out. Then I added other specialties that seemed to suit them.

Elatis was never encountered separately in the stream, so she was just a blank slate other than her name and her ability in the final battle against Lucien. (We don’t even know the gender or pronouns; I just chose she/her because I could.) Elatis’s name is based on one of two (or maybe both) Latin words: elatus, meaning uplifted or exalted; and elate, meaning haughtily, loftily, or proudly.

Her ability required an intelligence saving throw. Caduceus failed and saw Calliope, then felt excitement to see her when she asked him for help, so he rushed toward her. The pull was up to 120 feet, which is 4 times his normal movement speed. He gained an eye from the ability, but he was not charmed. It’s not clear whether Elatis’s ability was an illusion, and it gave Caduceus his third eye, which would have seen through illusions. It’s hard to tell if it would have happened immediately or afterwards. There’s also only 2 Illusion spells that require intelligence saves, while there’s 7 Enchantment spells that do.

Since we know Gaudius was more about love and connection (based on their dialogue with the Nein), Elatis must have been something other than that. Caduceus had resisted the urge to check in on his family throughout the campaign, so seeing and going to his family would be his selfish desire. I think the hallucination was Calliope specifically because he recognizes that she was disappointed in herself for needing his help at the Menagerie. Thus, her asking Caduceus for help would have probably made him proud, both in himself at being what she thought she needed and in her that she had moved past that self-doubt.

Based on all that information, I figured that my version of Elatis would encapsulate euphoria and pride. With that in mind, I also felt that Enchantment matched Elatis’s style more than Illusion. Enchantment spells are more about getting into the target’s head and convincing them of something or dominating their will rather than tricking their senses. It wasn’t the sight and sound of Calliope that had lured Caduceus; after all, he could only feasibly move 60 feet in a round (less, since intelligence scores determine flying speed in Cognouza). It was the rush of emotion and magical assistance that pulled him further than he could move otherwise. Illusion spells might force a certain reaction out of someone (prone, fear, etc.), but the targets still act within their ability.

By the time I ironed all that out, I had also wanted to split the Somnovem into different sensory perceptions as well. Reality and individual perception of the world are big themes with them. Elatis got taste, which is reflected in the words chosen for her scene.

Then I reasoned that, out of all the Somnovem, Elatis would be the one responsible for the Pattern in this AU. We have no solid idea about what the Pattern was in the stream other than something that, upon seeing it, inflicted the Somnovem’s eyes on people and that it was related to the Cognouza hivemind. Matt mentioned in the Campaign 2 Wrap Up that getting to nine eyes would have allowed Matt to take control of the players in the final fight. However, when Cree became the Vessel of the Pattern and turned into a flesh monster, Matt also mentioned that such a thing wouldn’t have happened to the Nein, so that wasn’t the same thing as getting nine eyes. (And that makes sense, because Vess DeRogna already had nine eyes before she died.) As horrific as the Pattern was, Lucien seemed enamored with it in episode 139 when he spoke to the Nein before the fight started. Thus, it had to be something separate from the Somnovem themselves since it was still doing something when he had subjugated and absorbed them. It had also obeyed Lucien when he invoked it to change Cree, even when he was hiding from the Somnovem.

It wasn’t until much later, several months into drafting, that I came up with a way to represent the Pattern in writing. The original draft did not have the Pattern as something this prevalent in the formatting, but it really adds to the story later on. (I liked the funky formatting that TNEOL used, but it wasn’t done much or very consistently. The hidden messages were cute, but didn’t really have a lot of substance to them. It was also strange that the Pattern seemed to mock Lucien that he was slipping and so did Molly, neither of which had any reason to coordinate with the other, and the Pattern had no motive to antagonize Lucien either, but I digress…) I landed on making the Pattern bold in certain circumstances because it doesn’t really change anything so much as it emphasizes and guides thoughts. Since the effect is psychological, it bleeds into the narration.

Sometimes, the Pattern is still going to be there when the formatting doesn’t call attention to it. It depends on whether the narrator and/or the subject POV is attentive enough to recognize it.

I also decided that my Pattern had a purpose, which should be pretty clear from this scene. Lucien also gives more exposition in a later scene, discussed further below.

Altogether, those choices led to this scene. We learn about Elatis’s specialties (some of which are alluded to more subtly), the Pattern is introduced, and we get some insight into the Somnovem’s plans.

There’s some additional funny business in this scene as well, and I’ll leave those mysteries as they are. I will note, as a clue, that the narrator of the Somnovem scenes is extremely careful about what is communicated and how that happens.

Clean Up

Boring stuff first! Beau’s still in “gotta get shit done” mode and doesn’t have time to be emotional about anything, though she’s in a pretty good mood. She got to beat up some bad guys and everyone survived.

I chose her for this scene because even when there’s work to do, she’s very curious and attentive. It was between her, Caleb, and Nott, since they were the three that knew the most of how all this played out. Her POV provided that desire to keep track of everything going on, especially how they were supposed to get out of this mess with Otis. Plus, Nila had given Beau the red feather and Beau ran off for a fling with Keg, so that rounded out the scene to cover quite a bit moving the story along compared to the other options.

Shopping

Otis is unhinged, and I will never allow anyone to forget it. Normal, rational, well-adjusted people don’t join the Claret Orders and choose the Order of the Profane Soul. We’ll get into that in a meta post about Otis later.

While drafting this scene, I asked grayintogreen to pick one of a few animals that would need to put up with Otis, with no other explanation. She picked hyena, so I decided that would be their mount. Did you know halflings can ride a medium-sized beast?

There’s a purpose to this scene. I honestly could have cut it plot-wise, and no one would have felt like something was missing. But there’s a point in here, and it’ll become evident later.

Leaving Shadycreek

Gotta check in with Jester, and oh boy, she’s not doing well. This was a really rough arc for her. I felt that checking in with her at the start of the trip back would give the reader a solid idea of just how difficult this experience was for everyone who got captured without needing to have everyone navel-gaze about it. Jester finds ways to cope by keeping busy with Molly’s coat, making plans to have fun, fixing Yasha’s hair, and talking with Nott. However, that’s all distraction; she doesn’t want to allow herself to be sad yet. She’ll get there eventually, but for now, she thinks that’s something to avoid.

Dream: Fortune-telling

As before, this is a dream of Lucien’s childhood, but it’s Molly’s dream. The intro song is an Irish lullaby that I revised to match Exandria. The original:

I see the moon, the moon sees me, God bless the moon and God bless me: There's grace in the cottage and grace in the hall; And the grace of God is over us all.

It was changed to this:

I see the moon, the moon sees me, Gods bless the moon and gods bless me: There's grace in the ground swell and grace in the squall; And grace of the gods o’er us all.

Obviously, since there’s more than one god in Exandria, I revised that to account for multiple. I also changed “cottage” and “hall.” A ground swell has two definitions: a long-distance group of waves with numerous causes (storms, wind, earthquakes), and a surge of support or emotion. A squall also has two definitions: a sudden burst of wind or storm, and a noisy cry. I felt that each of these introduced some interesting dichotomies for one of the key themes emphasized in this dream (and which plays heavily in the fic): there’s at least two perspectives in every story, and neither is necessarily better than the other.

This dream also introduced the Moonweaver. Catha is more than just decoration in a lot of scenes, but this is the first time a character really gets into who Sehanine is. I wanted to explore Sehanine in this story because we missed out when Molly died in canon. She’s going to come up again!

Pickpocketing would have been a key skill for surviving as an orphan in Shadycreek Run, and it’s not uncommon for pickpockets to work in teams with other swindlers who act as a distraction. Sometimes they’re consistent groups, but it’s not unheard of to team up impromptu when an opportunity presents itself. Of course, pickpockets are expected to share the bounty, else the distraction will have reason to call them out the next time they’re spotted. It’s not about honor; it’s simple practicality. Everything has a cost when you live in poverty. Honest, no-strings-attached charity is exceedingly rare to come by in places like the Run.

Similarly, Lucien is very attentive and cautious. Constantly checking around since he realizes the fortune-teller could be a lure for urchins like him, and staying out of reach in case he tries to grab him. Kids living on the streets don’t live long if they trust adults, especially in a town with a flourishing slave trade.

The fortune-teller was Gustav Fletching, the former ringleader of the carnival that Molly and Yasha had joined. His backstory was that he had started the carnival with others from Shadycreek Run, so I figured he must have had some sort of skill that he plied there before forming a traveling show. I came up with this before the Origins comic, so the original hook was going to be that Gustav taught Molly how to tell fortunes. That was tweaked once the comic came out. However, even though it turned out to be Lestera, I didn’t see any particular reason that Gustav wouldn’t have been one as well, so this part didn’t need to change. Honestly, I kind of like it a bit better now because Gustav was only meant to be a thread connecting the two characters, not someone especially important to either of them.

The Moon & Mirror card was described exactly as the one that appears in the moon oracle deck sold in the CR shop. Most of the other cards are different, which would be a clue that this is a different deck than Lestera’s and Molly’s. I chose this card specifically because the fanfic was almost titled Moon & Mirror. When I changed the story title, I thought about changing the scene to match, but this dream was meant to establish Lucien’s awareness of the Moonweaver and also provides some insight into his perspective of religion. It’s tough for a kid to reconcile the idea that gods are willing to help with the history that they left and closed a gate behind them. He’s streetwise enough to be skeptical when things don’t add up. Of course, that’s not going to be the end of that thread.

Gustav’s rhyme was minutely adjusted from the one Matt recited in Episode 1. I added “but” to the first line so that the meter was consistent throughout the poem.

This also introduces that Lucien is fond of poems and memorizes them quite easily using some tricks with rhythms. It’ll come up again.

Tea Time

This was another transition to really hammer it in that the prior scene was a dream. I figured at least two would be solid enough for a reader to understand that the first one was not a one off.

Lingering wounds are going to be a thing because of the themes of the story around healing and trauma. In an actual D&D game, healing is complete after a long rest. Narratively, that doesn’t make much sense that a night’s sleep would heal all the physical injury from intense torture. Gameplay wise, Molly’s fine, but even he can’t just shrug off the stuff Lorenzo did.

Again, we see Molly’s primary coping mechanism for anything going wrong is denial. The Iron Shepherds are gone, so he just doesn’t want to think about what happened. It’s over. This will never come up in the future. Never. Nuh uh.

I figured Molly would be excited about trying dead people tea. It’s something new, weird, and Caduceus seemed proud of it. Of course he’d want to try it. Hence, he magnanimously reserved his judgment on someone new hanging out with the Nein.

We also get some insight into what Molly thinks of Caleb. Totally run of the mill emotional reaction. Nothing to read into. No need to think it over at all. The purple tiefling definitely does not have attachment issues arising out of the fact that he has no memory prior to waking up in a grave, he never stayed in one place more than a few weeks, his first girlfriend died mysteriously, his first found family fell apart due to one of them being a fiend and a murderer, Yasha periodically goes off on her own leaving him with this deranged group of adventurers, and the cute hobo wizard decided to help save him and the others despite seeming so unwilling to work with the group. Molly is absolutely well-adjusted, and everything is normal.

Pffft.

Disagreements

Beau was an explosion of emotion when Molly died in canon, and I expect she would experience a lighter version of that upon rescuing him and him pretending everything is fine. She was going through some shit, but this idiot’s coping style is pretending everything is cool, so of course they’re going to butt heads.

I chose Caleb for this POV because he’s fairly calm and collected during others’ arguments, plus he’s the team expert in Blame and Guilt. He’d understand both sides of the argument, though he’d also (reasonably) prefer that Molly didn’t risk himself so willingly.

Then the confrontation with the Mardoon tribe. This served two purposes: (1) a reminder for Molly that the Nein is on his side, since they immediately switch to his defense; and (2) an introduction to Lucien’s reputation with another family of Shadycreek Run. I borrowed more things from Irish folklore, because even if those aren’t official D&D entities, the Run would have its own local ghost stories, especially in a place sandwiched between the Dwendalian Empire and the Savalirwood.

By now, there’s plenty of practical justification for the Nein to be curious about Lucien, and it’s really only Molly’s discomfort that would prevent them from looking into it. I wanted to explore how each of the Nein comes to different conclusions on whether that’s enough reason not to. After all, not everyone is as willing as Caleb and Molly to try to leave someone’s past where it lies.

Hugs

This scene introduces another formatting quirk. At times, some stuff will appear on the right side of the screen because something’s off about it. Maybe it’s distant or whispering. Maybe something else is going on.

I wanted to introduce colored font here, but realized that it would not show up in downloads. I decided not to use that formatting quirk. The line was going to read, “Everything went red.” That effect was only going to happen in certain scenes, but it wasn’t that important of a motif, so it wasn’t a big deal to leave it out.

It’s not a Mighty Nein story without some physical affection, and this seemed like the most apt scene to bring that to the forefront. With Molly awake, he’s gotta do something to keep from being bored, but he’d still be tired/sore from recovering, so braiding flowers into everyone’s hair would be a good activity. Plus Yasha has a ton of braids, so redoing all of them would take quite a while, hence the chaos crew banding together. Molly also fusses about her eating (after all, he was hungry when he woke up) and is happy to give hugs. Molly’s interactions with the Nein have been all over the place, so I wanted to include reminders that he does try to be kind, especially with Yasha.

Yasha’s comfortable enough with Molly to tease him, like shoving him playfully and messing with his hair. She’d know he’s a brat and is willing to bug him when he acts like it.

That said, seeing Yasha upset drives home that yeah, Molly screwed up. His plan to distract Lorenzo backfired, and both of them suffered for it. Jester was perceptive enough to catch his change of heart on the issue, though she knows better than to bring it to Molly’s attention.

I wanted to give the reader an idea of how Yasha’s arc is going to be slightly different from canon. She had gotten quiet and exceptionally depressed after Molly’s death, and while he lived this time, she’s still wrestling with feelings of weakness and failure. Even so, she’s learned that she can trust the Nein to watch out for him when he’s in trouble, which adds motivation to continue her walkabouts with the Stormlord.

Paranoia

Hoo boy, I love Fjord’s and Nott’s dynamic. I also wanted to explore the two people that would be most suspicious of what’s going on with Lucien and Molly at this point. Fjord’s sensitive to people pretending to be allies because of Sabian, and Nott tends to project her issues, so she’s prime to project her identity problems on Molly. Of course, both of their issues are going to get worse, and that is going to warp their relationships with Molly even further. For now, based on what little they know, that paranoia focuses on Lucien because of everything that went down in Shadycreek Run.

And since the readers should know the premise of the story, it is going to get really interesting once Lucien pops up.

Gentle Nudge

When Molly woke up a few days earlier, he noted he’d reserve judgment on Caduceus for later. It’s later!

As Molly made clear to Fjord in Berleben, “I don’t like new people.” Which was strange to say when he was immediately defensive and helpful toward Yasha in his Origin comic and is generally very outgoing, including around people the Nein only just met. However, Molly had acted skeptically of people and unwilling to help in some situations, such as the Nein’s bringing Kiri along after saving her in Labenda Swamp and their initial encounter with the Schuster children in Hupperdook. Based on those experiences, I think it boils down to a willingness to selflessly help with immediate danger, but more selfish tendencies when something isn’t urgent or there’s a risk that he might get attached to someone. As he said in the comic, it’s less awkward to help someone you don’t know.

So, on the plus side, Caduceus is nice, makes wonderful tea, has great style, and he’s happy to heal/buff the group when needed. On the negative side, he’s a new person and Molly doesn’t know why he’s traveling with the group. While Molly doesn’t care about anyone’s past, he definitely cares about what people want, and Caduceus is from the Savalirwood, which is infested with people who hate Lucien. This makes Molly cautious around Caduceus, even though he’s polite.

Thus, rather than the past/present/future reading that Taliesin taught to Laura in the stream, Molly chose to do a situation/action/result reading to prod at Caduceus to see what he wants the Nein’s help for. And as Caduceus noted, that was done in such a way that would avoid any return questions aimed at Molly. Unfortunately for Molly, his deception is only a +3 (because he’s proficient and it’s otherwise a +0), whereas Caduceus’s insight is a +8. The lack of darkvision meant that Caduceus would roll the perception check for tracking the shuffle with disadvantage, but there wasn’t any disadvantage for insight.

So, of course, Caduceus figured Molly out, but he doesn’t care about hiding what his mission is anyway, so there’s no reason to interrupt the reading. Caduceus figured out a bit about Molly in the process, and he got to indulge some middle child mischief by outing him at the end. Molly’s a bit annoyed that his clever plan didn’t work, but not offended either. He’s more aware of how insightful Caduceus is now.

Apologies

Sibling energy abound! Beau and Molly have such great sibling energy that is distinctive from Beau and Caleb. Beau and Caleb are more like siblings with a 1-2 year gap, close enough in maturity that they just rub each other the wrong way while still being on each other’s side. Beau and Molly are more like siblings with a substantial age gap, where the younger is annoying and needs to stop causing problems, and the elder doesn’t know how to have fun and needs to chill out.

Molly is also selective about who he is nice/affectionate with. For example, in the stream, he liked to rile up Nott and put ideas in her head because he thought she was a kid, but he’s rarely nice to her and was happy to antagonize her whenever he thought it’d be funny. Similarly with Beau, he’s done some backhanded nice things like using his blood curse to cure her drunkenness and sharing drugs with her to try to see what her deal is.

In short, he’s an immature little shit. Maybe he’ll improve!

The Evening Nip

Fjord’s turn to be paranoid. Again. We also got some insight into his identity issues and upcoming arc. He’s got a lot on his mind, and sitting in place doesn’t suit a sailor. So of course he stirs up some shit by talking to Cree. She gives a little exposition about Lucien’s background, though not much.

Some of the dialogue was lifted from Fjord’s later conversation with Cree in Episode 30, which is when he returned to Zadash from his trip during downtime. Unlike canon, Fjord had reason to pry at this point, so he got information earlier.

I thought the canon line “charismatic in his cruelty” was really interesting because of the timing. Cree said it after mentioning that Lucien promised the Tombtakers would go to a city to gain power and secrets, then she followed up with saying he didn’t survive. Why would she mention that when discussing that he made promises that he had not kept because he died? I did not take that to mean that Lucien was actively cruel or abusive towards her or the Tombtakers. Instead, I got the sense that she was upset he was gone—that his death was the cruelty. And considering that, in canon, she left the Gentleman’s troupe and spent months searching for his corpse along Glory Run Road and collecting the Tombtakers, it makes sense that she would be so devoted as to call him cruel for dying like that.

Unfortunately, this conversation also gave Cree enough information to also start questioning things…

Cree’s Commune

I enjoyed coming up with Cree’s backstory (which will be detailed in a later meta post), but the purpose of her introductory scene is to establish her relationship with Lucien, what she’s doing here, and give a solid idea of her role: with Lucien dead, she’s the sole connection between the Somnovem and the Tombtakers.

There’s an interesting plot hole or unexplained issue here: Cree never mentioned Vess DeRogna’s name when she first spoke with the Nein, which is weird if she thought Molly was Lucien. DeRogna canonically hired the Tombtakers for her earlier trip to Eiselcross and Aeor, so I don’t know how Cree didn’t know who DeRogna was when she later did the astral projection ritual that killed Lucien. It could be that Matt hadn’t come up with that yet. However, I think it’s also plausible that Cree just fucking lied to the Nein’s faces because she believed that’s what Lucien (Molly) was doing. And since none of the players did an insight check on Cree, none of the characters were very skeptical of what she had to say.

Another open question is whether any of the Tombtakers (or DeRogna) still had the powers of the Eyes of Nine after Lucien died. I don’t think they did. Cree had five eyes, which would have allowed her to scry through the eyes of others with the marks. If that was the case, why was Cree so excited that she knew where Tyffial was? That wouldn’t be remarkable if she was easy to locate on demand. Scrying as a spell was limited to a few times per day, but the scrying through the eyes was unlimited, so she’d have been able to figure that out with enough time if the eyes were working. And why hadn’t she scryed on Molly before he showed up or after he left on jobs? In addition, the first eye grants telepathy, and she would have certainly tried to use that to talk to Lucien directly when she met the Nein. Again, it could have been that Matt hadn’t thought that up yet, but narratively, it would make more sense that the power of the eyes went dormant when the Nonagon died.

I was really excited to explore Cree’s spellcasting, so I had to include one in her first scene. As a blood cleric, her stuff is always going to include blood somehow, and some blood-bending style casting fit her too well not to use.

Notably, her holy symbol is not the necklace with Lucien’s blood. I didn’t think that it would make sense that she’d be a priestess of the Nonagon if Lucien had died. Matt had also made a big deal that she had the necklace when the Mighty Nein saw her again in Eiselcross—as though it was something new. Thus, I don’t think she had the necklace at the time that she first met the Nein. That leaves two questions. What was her holy symbol? And what deity empowered her?

As a blood cleric trained by the Claret Orders, at some point, Cree was probably a cleric of the Raven Queen. However, it’s not clear when that would have ended. All we know for sure is that she must have been a cleric of some kind during the trip to Aeor, then eventually became Lucien’s priestess.

In this AU, Cree was a cleric of the Raven Queen and then became the sole priestess of the Somnovem. Thus, her holy symbol is something different: a silver coin carved with an eye and a ruby chip for the iris.

The language used for Cree’s Commune is also Gaeilge (Irish). We’ll see quite a bit of it between the two of them. Also, Gaeilge does not have words for yes/no, so the answers aren’t limited to single words. This still fits within RAW because of DM discretion to provide a short phrase.

Lucien & Elatis

Oh, man, there is so much going on in this scene. I can only discuss some of it.

This scene was the first. The very first thing I began drafting was a combination of the opening scene to this chapter and then immediately switching to Lucien. I eventually split them into bookends. The original was also much shorter, perhaps 1,500 words. It grew from the end forward, first adding some thoughts from Lucien before Elatis came in and shoved the Pattern down his throat, then adding his plot against them, then adding exposition about what had happened during his time in the Astral Sea, then filling in more about his recovery from his soul shattering.

It’s all really foundational stuff, mostly canon, but I didn’t want to rely on readers’ memory for it. This scene clarifies what is on the table: Lucien remembers his time in the Astral Sea, he’s already decided to betray the Somnovem, he came up with the plan that worked in canon, and how he’s managed to keep that hidden from the Somnovem. That should also highlight, in the event that readers forgot the tags and aren’t reading the meta posts, that this story is not compliant with The Nine Eyes of Lucien, which diverges from all of that. In TNEOL, Lucien had no memory whatsoever of the Astral Sea, he came up with his plan on the fly in Eiselcross, and there was no explanation regarding why the Somnovem didn’t see it coming even though they could read his mind and see the future—or, alternatively, why they let him win.

Lucien’s current circumstances needed to make sense for the AU premise (spirit trying to murder Molly) and for the canon ending (he successfully usurps the Somnovem). Thus, he already had to have some level of awareness of what had happened to him, what his situation was, and what his next steps would be.

The result is a really long scene establishing all those points and introducing both his personality and perspective. He’s not an idiot just going along with whatever people tell him to do. He’s a contrarian. He grew up poor and hates the upper classes. He’s well aware of how racism has fucked him over throughout his life. He’s curious, confident, and persuasive. He’s a schemer that wants to make a mark on the world, he’s stuck in a shit situation, and he’s come up with a plan to make it work in his favor. There’s a bit of psychological strain in there (why would he repeat an internal monologue to himself dozens and dozens of times?), but he sounds pretty rational and determined, all things considered.

And in comes Elatis to fuck all that up. She is the Somnovem that specializes in control, and this demonstration shows that Lucien was not exaggerating about what the Somnovem do to him. He has a solid grasp of who and what they are, which should also speak to his confidence that his plan would work.

The way Elatis “speaks” (since all this is actually telepathic) also matches the description in the opening scene:

“Elatis spoke apace in the faintest of whispers, crooning beguiling melodies. Her words dripped and melded together—like fresh honey—the meanings dissipating into formless praise if they could not be caught as they fell. The words she emphasized lingered, cordial and delectable, intoxicating and sweet.”

Her dialogue formatting preceded my decision on how to format the Pattern. It turned out that they complimented each other well, and her vanity would certainly motivate her to design the Pattern to emulate her style.

However, Elatis emphasizes whatever words she likes, while the Pattern has rules about what it does every time it shows up. As Lucien noted, “It reflected the whims of each Somnovem, encompassing their essence—one at a time—ever cycling between the nine’s domains.” So the Pattern adheres to different inclinations when it cycles through. This is just how it works when Elatis invokes it.

Edit: I forgot to add this! A portion of Elatis's dialogue is actually based on dialogue from Fallen, the film that inspired the premise. There is a scene where the protagonist finds a book on Azazel. I lifted some of the description of his abilities to then describe how the Somnovem intended to empower Lucien. However, I also tweaked some of the dialogue to match the D&D mechanics that I added to Lucien's stat block (which will be yet another meta post later).

Chapter 3 should be posted on Friday next week!

[lets-talk-spirituality]

Heyy can I get a reading about my future spouse and also a message from them?

Hi, we can see if anything wants to be revealed to you at this present time!

Future spouse, what do you want to say?

Agh! I’m tired of waiting (pulling hair out and feeling frantic). I’ve been doing everything right on paper (I’m getting like anxiety spiral and I’m seeing a feminine presenting person, could mean at this moment they’re in their “feminine” energy) Dating the right person—good school, good education, good parents, ambitious— all the shit! And it never works! They’re always boring or something isn’t right. All my friends are having these destination weddings (getting that they have money and are around rich people, getting NYC apartment vibes, like they go to the Hamptons for sure) and I’m just there being the one everyone is trying to connect someone to (I’m thinking they’re like early 30s and being pressured to settle down, energy feels masculine here, like seeing a guy in a suit for a wedding)

You know, I focused on my career and education like I should’ve, I went to a good school, worked my way up to becoming partner (I’m getting they may be a lawyer?) I get paid well, I like where I work and who I work with, my job is important (I’m getting that whatever legal work they do, it’s something advocacy driven or that’s what drives them, helping the little guy or whatever, like they aren’t protecting big companies is what I mean, it’s hard to describe but maybe it’s like they work for ACLU or something) Anyway, I’m a catch and I know it and all that’s missing in this white picket fence world I created is my loving fucking partner!

Why is everyone the worst? If you could only hear my dating horror stories. Sheesh. I feel like all the people left single are single for a reason, at least the ones I meet. Crazy girls asking me about kids and marriage on the first hangout like damn. I know we’re kind of at a make or break point for them but Jesus. Freaks me out. I don’t even know you yet lady! Fuck. (Shaking head)

So okay, can you just come soon? Thanks. I promise I have a beautiful world waiting for you and I’m clean. Seriously been on the straight and narrow (immediately I’m getting that’s part of the problem and I’m getting this like baddie energy vibe from you, like they see you as this umm hmm like choice that for the first time it’s not steeped in perfectionism, you spark adventure in their life and living more freely and that feels scary to them and also highly alluring, they see you as sort of chaotic and all over the place, like I’m seeing a disarrayed apartment and stuff, that may not be how you are but this is how they’re envisioning you in their mind, what they deep down want is someone to push their boundaries and comforts and to help them feel alive, to be reckless (it’s not really reckless just how they see it) like they have a thing for the femme fatale/bad boy trope and they picture you that way. )

Okay! Umm interesting the energy was kinda switching between masculine and feminine when the wedding thing got brought up. Then switched to more masculine the rest of the reading.

Card Pull

Druid Craft Tarot

Ten of cups, reversed— problems at home or in a relationship, children may be leaving home, a dream may be dying— everything needs to die to make room for the new and for rebirth to occur.

Immediately flew out and I asked what else they wanted you to know. This card to me reiterates what they were showing in the channeling, this viewpoint of life they have is rooted in perfectionism and it’s starting to die, that’s why they feel so chaotic in the beginning of the reading. Maybe they’re going through their Saturn return because it really feels like this stable sense of how life works is being broken down for them. Almost like everything they believed to be true feels wrong now and is being questioned. I think this is less about a relationship ending and more about the never finding quite the right fit. Some of the ways they view love and relationships needs to grow and evolve for them to get what they want.

Anyway! Hope this helps you. I’d say just keeping focusing on yourself. Would love to know how or if it resonates.

[benwvatt]

my 2022 writing year in review!

 Thank you so much to @feeisamarshmallow for the tag!

1. Number of stories posted to Ao3: 32 separate stories! I was very fortunate to have a productive, joyful writing year, and I also started writing shorter stories rather than longer ones this year.

2. Word count this year: 74,396

3. Fandoms I wrote for: Avatar: The Last Airbender, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Gilmore Girls, Grey’s Anatomy, Heartstopper, Murdoch Mysteries, Severance, Supergirl, The Fault in Our Stars, The Martian, Virgin River

4. Pairings: Aang/Katara, Sokka/Zuko, Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago, Rory Gilmore/Logan Huntzberger, Charlie Spring/Nick Nelson, William Murdoch/Julia Ogden, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Hazel Grace Lancaster/Augustus Waters, and Beth Johanssen/Chris Beck.

5. Stories with the most:

Kudos: i’ve been around the globe, found a diamond wrapped in gold (but it doesn’t shine like you) which is my Supercorp friendship bracelet story! I just finished it and I was so happy to be able to give it a satisfying, cute ending.

Bookmarks: same thing as above! this was a really popular story :)

Comment threads: to know you like the back of my hand, which is my collection of a dozen one-shots I wrote for Supercorp.

Word count: same thing as above! this fic was my longest this year, at 9,100 words total.

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): I’m going to go with memories painted in much brighter ink, the Heartstopper fic I wrote about Nick and Charlie dealing with their negative relationships with Harry, who decides to apologize to them both for being a bully and a bad friend. That fic is also tied with please remind me to forget you for the story I’m most proud of (this one is my Murdoch Mysteries story about William and Julia reconciling after she marries the wrong guy.)

They were both really interesting missing-moments stories that included letters (I’m a big fan of epistolary communication! letters are so intimate and personal!) and I don’t think most other writers would have published something like this. It felt exciting and special to focus on these parts of canon and expand them, exploring the characters’ curiosity and heartbreak at the same time.

7.  Work I’m least proud of (and why): Definitely i strung you a halo of stars, which is a collection of 4 stories I wrote for Supercorptober. I was really anxious and stressed when I wrote these stories, and I felt like I kind of had to “keep up” because it’s a fandom holiday and we had daily challenges. The writing became more about maximizing word count rather than enjoying writing, which is why I only did Supercorptober for about 5 days before quitting. I was just too busy and uninterested in the end.

8.  Share or describe a favorite review you received: Oh, I have so many! @nostradamus0 is kind enough to leave screaming reviews on many things I write (thank you for that, friend) and I also got a lot of really lovely reviews on Supercorp stories I wrote about parental trauma or forgetting your native language or struggling with anxiety.

 I really like to write hurt/comfort and fluff combined, and it was so nice to see that my stories were able to comfort other readers who were also dealing with stress and hurt.

Aaaaand I got so many lovely reviews on the fics I wrote for Kataang or Heartstopper. I love being able to write things that entertain and make people happy. I’m quite good with banter (it’s my main thing and the easiest thing for me to write) and I insert it wherever possible. 

9.  A time when writing was really, really hard: Supercorptober! I was pushing myself to do a monthly challenge when I had schoolwork and other stuff to deal with, and it just didn’t work out for me. I’m glad I quit so early. Quitting is good and quitters deserve hugs and chocolate. If you can’t sustain something, taking a step back and interrogating why is a good idea.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: Helly R from Severance. She is amazing. I would die for her. I wrote about her in my reputation precedes me, a ficlet about her character growth, and I can’t say anything more without spoilers. Severance is the best tv show I’ve ever seen. I don’t usually like thrillers/horror but Severance is light on both and it’s just so GOOD at exploring the ways that capitalism will devour you from the inside out.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

this is a scene from (whoever said I would find someone new) must’ve never met you, a Supercorp fic set at a southern bar where Supercorp have broken up in the beginning and they get back together by the end.

I really loved writing Lena’s experience at this bar, The Great Beyond, and creating OCs who are all friendly and loving. I’m also just ... weirdly excited to write the OCs falling in love with each other because they are all gay? And I love a good queer southern love story.

Fuck. She should’ve just turned into bed early instead of driving out here to the bar, The Great Beyond, to say hey and good evenin’ to the regulars. Tim probably groaned when he saw her. Marcie in the corner cheered gently when she walked in. Lena always dances with her when it’s eleven and they don’t wanna go home yet. And then there’s Lucas, about to get his first tattoo, and Connor who keeps his guitar in the backseat. Just in case he figures out the bridge of the song he’s been writing since last year, y’know. He and Tim came up with the chorus together.

Connor won’t tell you he plays but he can sing you a story, rock you to sleep, take you on an old-timer’s tour of dreamland. Lena’s been before. She’s seen the milestones and skipped them across the pond. The road on the way there’s a little rocky, but it’s nothing she can’t handle.

Ashley sits front and center, welcoming the warm glow of orange light. Steph tilts back in her chair and offers once again to braid Ashley’s hair, or perhaps Lena’s. Steph had been laid off from the beauty salon last month. No luck since.

Lena said yes once, on a Saturday when she found an old receipt from the time she and Kara went and got ice cream at Braum’s, and Steph wiped her tears away with a ratty napkin before twisting Lena’s hair into a Celtic knot.

“No, I’m Irish,” Lena blurted, “and I dunno if I’m a Celt-”

Steph laughed. “Who’ll ever know ‘cept for you?”

12. How did you grow as a writer this year: I started writing for different fandoms instead of being strict with myself about “the core fandoms” that I had to stick to! I wrote shorter stories (like, 1500 words or less) because I liked it and I didn’t have time to do a big multichap fic. I branched out. I had fun while writing. I wrote meta for Grey’s Anatomy and Virgin River. I quit writing for The Resident because that show took a SERIOUS downturn in quality recently, and I don’t ever want to watch it again (if you know, you know.)

This was a good year and I had so much fun writing shorter stories, and different stories for various tiny fandoms.

13. How do you hope to grow next year: I want to get better at not defining success through the number of hits/words/comments/etc. a story has. Stories are allowed to exist just as they are. Less popular stories aren’t “bad” or “not worth my time.”

I also hope to finish up some of my unfinished multichap stories, and mayyyybe write more for B99 (I only wrote 1 B99 story this year, and it was meta rather than fiction, which is a big change from previous years when I wrote a lot of peraltiago fic.) AND I want to keep writing whatever I want, even if that means writing for new fandoms that I’ve never tried before.

I like writing things out of love I’m not a good visual artist; I’m not good with textiles or gifs or drawing, and I often wish that I could translate the images in my head to art on a page. But fic is one of the ways that I like to give back to fandom, collaborate with fandom, meet people in fandom. I love that I can have a fleeting idea and publish a story about it in the next 12 hours.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

@nostradamus0. It’s not even a question. He is lovely, and lets me scream at him about Kataang even though he’s never seen ATLA, and I can send him excerpts of my stories anytime.

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: EVERYTHING from real life shows up in my writing.

must’ve never met you was inspired by neotraditional country music of the 2010s/2020s (it’s great! it’s making a comeback!!!)

many of my supercorp fics are inspired by my cats and my narwhal painting (technically, it’s a poster of whales, but there’s a narwhal in there) and my desperate desire to have a lamp shaped like a jellyfish.

I constantly write scenes where people bake because I get frantic if I don’t bake for several days. Oh, and I also constantly write scenes where people daydream and write letters/letters and cherish the softness of their homes because I’m a gentle person.

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: Uh, overusing italics is a really bad idea because it ruins the flow of your sentences. Getting a good flow often involves reading your work in your head so you can imagine the ups and downs of the words.

Writing takes time and you’re allowed to be frustrated that you’re not “better.” Give yourself time and space. Write as often or as rarely as you want.

Write down fic titles and AU ideas in a list in Google Docs because you may want them later. Don’t be afraid to be silly or gloomy or whatever; this is your blank page! Your words are the ink!!!!

Reading other people’s work, whether a published book or a fic or stuff like poetry, is a great way to get better at writing. Offering to be someone else’s beta reader, such as on AO3, is often a great way to make friends and learn more about writing. Oh, and try not to judge your writing too harshly. You still have so many good things waiting for you.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: hmmmmmm I do have 2 peraltiago AUs (the you’ve got mail AU and the Jake-is-undercover AU) that I want to finish sometime in the future.

I also have several ATLA stories that are random memory-tangle-ideas (the Aang-Spiderman AU, the Katara is undercover as both a Kyoshi Warrior and the Painted Lady AU, the Kataang Mulan AU, the Zukka turtleduck petting zoo AU, the Zuko-emotional-support-dragon story) that I hope to write eventually! Or, at least, they will stay good dreams.

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read:

@nostradamus0, @chocomd, @flameohotwife, @dearestpartnerofgreatness

and anyone else who wants to participate! If you see this, you are free to do this tag if you like! <3

[kimtaegis]

you perfectly summed up why i have anxiety going on twitter... i tried to only follow people who don't engage in things like this and just tweet wholesome things but sometimes i can still run into a toxic comment... it's especially bad under other official tweets where people from other fandoms join and spread their bullshit, and i just simply can't look at any of those tweets anymore. and people from our fandom do that too. i don't understand why anyone would make this their whole personality or life. i do understand wanting to support someone and wanting them to succeed but why do we have to degrade other people for that. why can't we say that multiple groups are successful. because they are. why does someone immediately think of 'it flopped' when 'A' group's song doesn't chart or sell like 'B' group's does? it's not a flop. people still love the music. why do we have to measure everything in numbers and charts. i miss the time when we just simply enjoyed music, and enjoyed what the artists did. i know not only the tannies but other artists would be really disappointed in fans who act like they are constantly in war with other fandoms. idols are friends too, and they support each other as much as they can. we should do the same. and i think especially with korean artist, when western media and the music industry still treats them the way they do.. we shouldn't try to 'gatekeep' them. if bts did it, others can too. and we should help them achieve what the artists want to achieve, because we are here to support them. and hell, if someone wants an award, our first thought shouldn't be 'no, you can't because xy already got that award and nobody else can have it', it should be: okay, so how can we make it work. this is still about numbers and charts, i know, but since these are important to so many artists, it should be important to us too. but not in the way of 'i'm going to try my best to help this artist win this award but not because i genuinely want them to win it, but because then i can go under another tweet and say my artist has this and yours doesn't'. and that's a really big problem with army too... sure, the tannies always said they appreciate fan voted awards a lot, but i feel like the majority of the fandom doesn't vote for the tannies. they vote so they can say we got this and the other fandom didn't. i think the music industry also tries to play into this and push this 'there can only be one' agenda and it's so fucked up... there are so many talented people out there and i wish we could just support them unconditionally and not try to tear each other's throat out every time something happens. i know the tannies wouldn't want this. they support so many other artists, so we can't we?

and i know the fandom loves to bring up their journey and how hard it was because they were accused of so many things and the music industry didn't want to acknowledge them and is still racist against asian artists, and that's why many armys are so protective of them.. and i don't know how i feel about this, because yes, they really built themselves up from nothing, and their journey is really beautiful. but that doesn't mean they have to be the only one to succeed.

I read your message and just went “yes! exactly. yep. literally.” I wholeheartedly agree with your takes on all of this. You perfectly described a huge problem in parts of this fandom, which is that horrific superiority complex of quite many. I just can’t grasp the idea of justifying this much arrogance because you’re being a fan of a boy group. That is.. not an achievement? Also – no one likes sore losers, yes, but same for conceited winners… or is that just me, I don’t know. In my eyes, it would have so much more impact to just lay back, enjoy the success, and remain humble about it. And also to regularly remember that bts’ success does not (or rather shouldn’t) affect your own life in the slightest.

I could probably write a whole essay about the whole fandom war thing. As someone who has absolutely no problem having bts as their ult group and wishing them all the best while simultaneously enjoying lots of other kpop artists, I can’t wrap my head around these very childish fights going on. Kind of a more sensitive issue for me since I feel personally addressed when there’s discourse about “multis” (the fact that there’s a derogatory term used for people who enjoy more than one artist.. think about that). Would never deny that other fandom’s don’t talk shit, but armys are certainly no angels either. Also it doesn’t matter who started, what does count is who ends this kindergarten behaviour.

To come to an end here: I agree with your music industry point and the inappropriate, narrow-minded approaches to kpop in general. As to your very last thought: … yeah. I literally muted the word “paved” on twitter, I think that’s saying enough

[mish-tique]

Rose 🥺🌹's Day 13 live-ask! Oh my god i'm catching up!!

okay, fess up, who's the anon that requested this? You're after my own heart!! lestappen + dry humping + gangsters/mafia (yh im reading this as mafia instead of gangster, i hopz u don't mind miss missha because i love that mafia aesthetic more) ?! I love this promt combination so much thank you anon, and thank you miss missha for writing this

Sooo i hope y'all know now what my rose lines means (spoilers below and that they are for miss missha)

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

• first off, the tags!! sub!top!charlie and dom!bottom!maxy <- i'm blushing already, and the sadism of it all and the power imbalance, i'm setting the scene and now as i'm about to read it, voila, a movie

• tbh, in mafia/gangster aus, why is it that the grid is divided into two groups? why can't we have the whole grid as one big happy mafia family

• then again, with ferrari's italian roots, rbr family, and toto as merc's boos, you can't not put that three in different mafias , so same with the drivers, they'd be too powerful (i went off a tangent sorry)

• i can't even read this straight because i'm imaging different outfits ranging from leather to tailored suits (because really, what are these aus for but to put them in new clothes and give them new props) plus hands holding knives/guns <- i may have a screw loose somewhere, this shouldn't be hot but i grew up watching too many action films

• "Charles Leclerc walks in, unease obvious. While the reposts have been saying that the newbie works hard and does his job properly, it’s obvious that he’s not yet relaxed about the idea of being under the boss’ eyes." <- describing charlie as a newbie, all i'm seeing is sauber!charles with his big wide eyes curious of everything and as max is a boss here, its present!max. those sauber!charles x present!max are so real for this (and now, i'm excited for those)

• <b> AHHHHH my mind is all over the place right now and i've been going off tangents </b>

• "He could have used this time to seek out Lando too" <- hihihi carlando

• “Be grateful that I take my time teaching your personally,” he continues, “I don’t give this kind of opportunity to most of the rookies that haven’t risen the ranks yet.” “Oh,” Charles says, not quite as clear as Max would like, “What made you give me the special treatment? Was it —” <- yes, it's because you're pretty. i remember just the other day that i was all for dom!charles and now i'm all for boytoy!charles. we love versatile men

• “Or I’ll get rid of that pretty face of yours. I was thinking about sitting on it, and that wouldn’t be so fun if I have to cut it up now, would it?” <- you can [redacted] (miss missha, i am once again sorry for the horny, must be something with the cycles or the moon. i am now redacting my thoughts)

• "this man might rise the ranks fast, but not in the way he possibly expects." <- this is why we love mafia aus, it's all about the different power dynamics that can be explored

• “Of what?" “Sir,” Max corrects him." <- this took me back to harry potter's, "there's no need to call me sir, professor". if charles did that, oh he'd be in for a long night

• “I mostly focussed on you,” Charles admits without any shame, “Sir.” <- my boys unapologetically horny, good for you, i salute you

• predestined. PREDESTINED. must you? i'm losing my shit here

• "For a second, Max wonders if Carlos is still outside their door and can hear everything, or if Carlos is off with Lando making the younger create the same noises. That idea makes Max imagine how it would be for them to have both their boys on their knees in front of them, and that image goes straight to his dick. He will have to discuss that with the three of them one day." <- you can't just throw this in! it was too much already then zfvkuxqlueiw

• Max is just so composed and cool the whole time but is also dripping <- oh the complexity of the roles you gave them and you wrote it just right

• "He hadn’t even known Charles was aware of his first name. Sexy. Sexy, but suspicious." <- ohh the possibilities these lines open up. i mean,

• He can't be a rat from hamilton because then how'd they have that information? max doubts that charles is an agent sent by whatever police department is investigating him right now because he's got a catalogue of all the officers in the country, and even got a hand in international ones. no, this is someone that has a past with him, because no one, not even carlos, has heard his name since he took up the mantle from his bastard father. charles could be someone from his past that he doesn't remember. and this is dangerous because he doesn't know if the man is there for a threat or a promise that may have been made before.

AHHHHHH. what are you drinking and eating? what have you sacrificed to the muses for them to give you this power with words and stories?? i'm - this is just 2k of words (of smut) but it's like a whole movie already !!! there's all these subtle hints of plot and world building and i could just see the movie!!

you say that you hope that we enjoy it as much as you enjoyed writing it, and guess what? I think my enjoyment exceeded yours. why is it that everytime you publish an entry for kinktober, it just goes up another level. i was gonna tell you my top 3 or top 5 by the end of october but now, i don't even know (i mean for sure all the lestappens will be a bit above the others but you also wrote all the others so beautifully and wonderfully)

i'm giving you the hundred roses bouquet for this one because the standard 25 ain't doing it for this one

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

-Rose 🥺🌹

hiii!! omg im so excited to read this one because I loved writing this one. And it's totally fine that you like the mafia vibes more! i just didn't tag it as such because i can wing gangster au but for mafia i'd need to do more research because of all the titles etc.

yes we do love this anon

those tags are my babies

if the grid was one happy family i'd need to think of oc's for the enemies and i simply do not have the brain capacity

sdgsdk ROSE the outfit ideas. i love.

omg yes. it is actually giving sauber Charles x 2022 max. aaa i wanted to make those long too, i need to get started on them too but tomorrow's (day 15) fic is going to be long as fuck too so. oops.

i wanted to add carlando SO badly omg

tbh dom!charles still owns my heart

are we truly going to blame the moon when this has been going on for 14 days already

"predestined. PREDESTINED. must you? i'm losing my shit here" <- yes i must

"you can't just throw this in! it was too much already then zfvkuxqlueiw" <- lestappen x carlando foursomes are so hot we need more of it

ARE YOU GONNA WRITE THAT SEQUEL BC NOW I HAVE TO KNOW

bread. lots of bread and crackers with cheese and tomatoes. my beloveds. also bread with liver paté.

Babe, rose, sweety, i'm going to need a ranked list at the end of kinktober.

[pganotgolf]

Reflection of Happy Hour by Marlowe Granados ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This is like Broad City in a book.

It’s such a good slice of life of a 20something living(struggling) in the big city

If you’re looking for a plot this isn’t the book but what is so great about it is how Marlowe describes the things , like things that you’ve felt but never put words to it (see fav quotations section)

Notes I took down while reading

- It’s like stream of consciousness but witty and similar to mine and my friends (so maybe it’s just the brain of a 20 something)

- “I wonder what I’ve done in life to be subjected to Alice Langley (bankrolled by her mother) telling me to grow up. What hypocrisy.”(100)

- Broad City if one of the friends was a bitch ,

- Wait she’s turning around

- actually nope

- But the chapters with Coop were definitely white lotus vibes

- Favorite chapter: August 6 (moms, grief)

- she never says “I feel like…” it’s always matter of fact

- This book reminds me of the song Rave Angel by Blusher

- SPOILER! it would’ve gotten 5 stars if the ending wasn’t hinting at the book being her released diary🤦‍♀️

Here’s a list of my favorite quotations from the book:

- Being inside when it rains makes you forget that anything else could be happening (89)

- She pulled out a… burgundy velvet dress… Light disappeared into it; velvet has a way of doing that (92)

- “You need to grow and have some respect for yourself”. I hate lines like this. They’ve been abused so much they’ve lost their meaning. When you really think about it, they’re designed to cause the most hurt with the least effort. You Should Have Some More Respect for Yourself. (100)

- It’s a sad thing when people take beautiful old buildings and try to modernize it. Some things are meant to be restored, not re-interpreted (121)

- I want all the tenderness in the world. It’s a natural urge to want to be important in someone’s life. The soft underbelly of a course man. A preview is never enough because I am insatiable. (150)

- People forget I can be cruel too. I can devastate just about anyone.(152)

- (Fashion) is an important kind of knowledge that is overlooked. In many cases, it’s the first mode of expression women have access to. (168)

- I sat in the windowsill listening to the birds chirp and the occasional car drive by. It’s funny how seamlessly nights end and mornings begin, and yet they feel quite different. (182)

- … I am always interested in finding things. You can take a piece of junk and turn it into a talisman. You can assign it meaning and its own moment in time and store it in a box somewhere. I have an old champagne time filled with trinkets like that. I only ever open it when I’m feeling particularly blue. It’s just a case of remembering things. Sometimes when you’re set on forgetting, you have to know what direction to forget. (202)

- Sometimes I think I must be attached to reality by a thin string (202)

- Daylight crept through the windows, a reminder that things are always going on without you no matter what. Death is not unspeakable, but it often feels that way. (218)

- “ I know how hard it must have been to have me. I am the age she was when she became pregnant. Daughters make single mothers more vulnerable than lone women. Even when I was small I could sense that. My existence had put her in a precarious position where she was to protect both me and herself. (219-220)

- They look at me and say, “I don’t know how you do it.” I am not strong! I want to tell them. I am simply enduring. (222)

- It would be nice if whenever someone said, “I love you,” it meant, “Everything will be fine.” It’s all reassurance anyway. (222)

- Sometimes I wonder, if I ever went missing, how long it would take for someone to realize. Considering how long they are used to not hearing from me, I’d I were really in danger, I think it would take them about three weeks. (223)

- Anyone who prefers minimalism probably had everything growing up. When you are never left wanting, you never want much. (240)

- Love and not eating for sixteen hours feels more or less the same. (241)

- I decided to be honest (247)

- Sometimes making bad decisions really takes no time at all. In fact, you realize that you’ve been itching to do it all along. Deep down, I think comes from being so angry at having to restrict yourself all the time because in the end, no matter how well you behave someone always Dash away your life‘s work with little to no regard. We’re always swimming against the tide. How’s that for Justice? If I am reckless, it is because I am tired. (258)

- The bodegas have already brought out parts of mom’s in heartening colors. They clustered together in rich, fuchsia‘s oranges and reds a sign that summer is on its last breath, and these are the flowers that will guide us into fall (262)

[afr0-thunder]

[Poor Chronicles Pt. 22]

*STARBUCKS EDITION*

The last batch of wings came out fantastic. Juicy, spicy and so hot they were falling off the bone, almost. Better (lighter) seasoning. Still had to apply sauce during and after for not only making full use of the sauce, but to completely taste the Buffalo BBQ. Never making traditional wings again, realized I don’t even like traditional wings.

I picked up a shift for my former favorite coworker last night. My female coworker and the assistant coach who says, “Nigga” were girly popping it up the whole shift. I’m surprised they didn’t say “Nigga” the whole shift. I swear he did though while singing a song…AGAIN!

I had a dream during my nap earlier. These two girls invited me to this party at their mom’s house. I had my car again, told them I got a flat when I got there and would need some help getting home after. Their friends were all lying on the floor in the living room. There wasn’t very many people there. There was like 13 to 27, not sure. The strange thing about dreams is you can’t imagine new faces, you had to have seen them at least once before, so I’ve seen these girls (only remember one from the dream) and this one tall black guy on the floor. They are all strangers or they’re all friends and I’m the only one who doesn’t know any of them. This also made me realize, house parties are a dying trend. I would like to throw a party, but they take so much effort to prepare. Long story short, if I ever see these two girls again, I think they want me to have a threesome with them. I’ve never had a threesome, but I don’t really want one either (anymore). Something about gay bitches and potential awkwardness don’t sit right with me.

I left for about an hour early to get some extra walking time. I explored west in the River North area. I was walking so fast I almost missed this girl who looked almost exactly like the girl I described from the Tik Tok. At the last second I saw her waist before I looked up. Not as tiny, but still a small waist, also a bit thicker. Didn’t quite see her face, but her hips made me look over my shoulder like 30 ft later. Ass was STUPID! I’ll most likely never see this woman again and will only recognize her for her small waist and ridiculously fat, ass. Amongst the Top 5 asses I’ve seen in the last 2 months, possibly Top 3 in the last 2 weeks. Could be #1, haven’t been ranking. I saw these other two women. They saw me and almost stopped their entire conversation. This happens often, fucking women’s thought process up mid-conversation. These downtown bitches are fucking rich. Blonde one with her hair in a ponytail/bun had a big ass fucking YSL (Yves Saint Laurent, for the broke) purse.

The female coworker may need some time to formulate her game. She looks like a distant cousin of my ex though, just skinnier. I may need to seek other options. I considered someone I knew, but you know how hard it is to get some white bitches from the suburbs to come to the hood? Something is telling me, “There’s a college up the street.”. Fucking Illinois Institute of Technology. Bitch do I fucking look like R. Kelly? We’ll see though, may be some bitches with a fat ass (doubtful) or some fine, skinny, cool, nerd bitches. Also, on my way to McDonald’s today this sexy dark skinned girl was parking her car at the building behind mine. We made eye contact and I said, “…I would fuck her”.

There IS another girl I went to college with who lives in town. I forgot. She’s from the suburbs though, does cocaine, very much an alcoholic and 1000% sure she’s racist. Still would suck my dick (unfortunately). Racism’s worst enemy, this dick.

I remembered this girl from high school (among others), but this one really stood out though. She was really pretty with SUPER big titties and a fat ass. Her little brother was annoying, but that won’t stop me from wanting her throat to meet this dick. Super sexy. I also want that one Cavinder twin. The one with the sexy big lips (Hanna).

Oh, this has taken a raunchy turn NOT because I’m horny, but because my income has been shifting and my daily occurrences have been thought provoking. We’re hitting a cooler season and our sales are expected to continue declining, so I will become poorer again and resume poor talks, but for now I’m trying to figure out who is going to alert my housemate of who’s ending racism

In short, I don’t like traditional chicken wings. Those who say “Nigga” while not black, have an unspoken bond. Dreams about strangers are very interesting. Power walks in the downtown area may become my new favorite hobby. Need to find a bitch who’s always bored. Racist hoes still will suck a black dick. I’m going back to being poor and I think I’ve said enough about sexy bitches I encounter for the foreseeable future, no guarantees. Back to our regularly scheduled POOR-gram.

- MH (2023)

[10/18/2023 - 11:45PM]

[10/19/2023 - 12:53PM]

[queenharumiura]

“ Who am I to you? ”

Send “ Who am I to you? ” to hear my muse describe their relationship with your muse/how they perceive them as a person. ||Accepting||

Haru glances over a photograph of when she was in her early teens. “Oh my… isn’t that a blast to the past? You don’t recognize her? That’s the kind Auntie who sometimes comes by to visit.” Haru chuckles, finger gently tracing along the edge of the photo in the scrapbook. “That’s right, I had longer hair back then. Thank you, I think I was cute back then too.” Haru chuckles, patting the top of the head of the kid who brought the scrapbook to her, asking questions.

“I’ve known her since we were even younger, we’re childhood friends. We would play together all the time, and she was always pretty clumsy back then. I would always carry band aids with me.” It is a cute memory to think of how things started off, with Haru wondering why it was that Tsuna would always end up scraping herself. The irony was that Haru was just as clumsy in her own right despite the fact that she was athletic. It was mostly that Haru sometimes had too much going on in her mind and she wouldn’t pay attention to what was right in front of her, or lose point of the big picture and mess something up.

Both of them were messes in their own right, which always made every single day a fun time. “We were always together until we started going to different schools. My parents wanted me to go to a good school, so I was always studying hard.” It was the educator in her Father who wanted her to excel academically, and luckily for them both- she was talented. “We drifted apart because I had less time to play and we had our lives to lead, but we reunited again at one point and we’ve been steadfast friends ever since.”

She’d entirely glossed over so many things, but it wasn’t necessary to divulge all that information, not to kids, anyways. “Tsuna is one of my best friends, and she’s someone I admire very much. Despite how tough things get in life, she will trek forwards because she wants to help people and possibly improve lives.” Cleaning up some of the darkness of the mafia wasn’t easy, but it was good for the civilians around. “She’s a very caring and has a way with understanding people at their core, which is very good in the realm of business, you know? She’s a very accomplished woman and I’m very proud of her for everything she’s managed in life.”

Haru missed seeing Tsuna since the two weren’t living in the same country anymore, but she could rest easier knowing that she had the support of her guardians to get things done. Haru was here doing her best to help in her own way—holding down the fort in Japan. “Unfortunately, she has a lot of pressure applied to her, but she does her best to move forwards despite all that. I sorry that she pushes herself too hard and that she ends up feeling lonely and unable to really help herself in that regard.” It is the woes of a person in power. Interpersonal relationships sometimes suffered, and being a woman among a myriad of men had to feel exhausting at some point.

At least there were other women around to keep her company, but was it enough? It was a thought that Haru always worried about. “As I do my part to help with her goals, I feel like my time is being well-spent. It lessens the burn of having let go of old parts of my life.” Goodbye to the innocent civilian. “I don’t regret it, I’m quite happy with my life as it is, and I’m with great company and she’s the one that introduced that to me.” She brings one of the children into her arms for a hug. “Without her, maybe we would never have met, isn’t that sad? Sensei would feel so lonely if she didn’t know about you kids. We should write her a letter one day, okay?” Sometimes, the tiny things are great reminders of what you’re working so hard for.