#it’s literally longer than the bible

[starlifeline2002]

my moms telling me to read the bible, little does she know i’ve already read crimson rivers 🙄

[wifegideonnav]

[aj-thegreatest]

Me wanting the Dungeon Meshi: Falin Solo Spinoff series knowing damn well that’s never happening

[timeisacephalopod]

The type of Christian who asks atheists how they don't like, murder people on the reg are so funny to me because they seem to think their religion makes them the Peak of Morality when statements like "if you don't believe in God how comes you don't do X thing" all but outright state they have no idea why shit like murder and rape is bad except that God doesn't like it lmao. Like way to admit you have no intrinsic sense of morality and need to be afraid of a higher power to be a decent person, but I promise if you're not a piece of shit it's actually very natural not to want to do heinous evil shit all the time potential punishment from a higher power or not 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

[wolfcutboyfriend]

i spent all day at work thinking of how martian is ruining my life

how are they still the main characters actually insane

[gideonisms]

I also think that hs/the hs fandom was responding to the way the internet was in the early 2010s. it's probably a cycle of influence but I will say that with books like htn whose authors originally wrote like. complex gothic sff angst fic, that type of writing isn't limited to the hs fandom at all. There was a whole time period where if your fandom was even a little sff oriented you would have people writing these epic fics with fantasy elements where two characters would have a wildly complex and fraught relationship destroying everything else in their path for the same amount of words as the holy bible. It's so hard to describe this vibe but I'd say like, gothic sff melodrama with unreliable narrators really had a moment in fandom in the hs time period. Some of that stuff influences the way I think about fiction to this day and like. I do believe muir a little when she says she didn't take anything in particular from hs because even though there are some similar choices she makes in her writing, that was kinda just the vibe back then too

[goingnearlyinsane]

alright, I’ll bite

What about color theory in homestuck?

*rubs hands together evilly* this fits in with a religion thing, I'll talk about that later. It's fairly obvious looking at the colors surface level what's what. Time is red, space is green (may originally be assumed to be black). There's also life (green) and blood (red) which show more of where this is headed. This is where I'm focused right now. The first time and space players we're introduced to are Dave and Jade. They do show part of this. Actually, I might just give you a list of char/color associations for this specifically.

green: red:

Jade Dave

Kanaya aradia

Porrim Damara

calliope Caliborn

The dolorosa The sufferer

Jake Kankri/karkat

something they all have in common, by color, is and association with life/creation for green and death/destruction for red. Jade is a gardener, calliope loves writing and art, the Maryams (kanaya, porrim, and the dolorosa) have ties to gardening and motherhood. Dave likes fossils and preserved lizards, aradia likes bones while also being dead herself, karkat has links to the grim reaper through his sickles, and Caliborn is... Caliborn.

Going through you may notice something else many of the have in common: Bible symbolism. The sufferer is literally known as troll Jesus. And because I like putting things in charts, I'll do that for the troll characters.

kanaya: her entire family line is based off the Virgin Mary (see: dolorosa). the mothergrub, her lusus, is also a "mother of all trolls" same as one might say eve was the mother of all of mankind.

Aradia: *cracks knuckles* this is a fun one. First off her names. Aradia is the name of a pagan goddess (not biblical, but fun to know) and megiddo, on which her name is based, is the basis for the name Armageddon (Tran: Hill of megiddo). That's also part of her boyfriends trollian name (twinArmageddons). Apocalypse (of apocalypseArisen) means revelation, like the book of revelation. Not to mention she quite literally brings about the end of the world. The 'arisen' part probably is talking about the other sign of the end, everyone rising from the dead for judgement day.

Calliope/Caliborn: yet another fun one! First off, seraphim are the harbingers of doom in the book of revelation. On a slightly unrelated note, they are most likely meant to be a syzygy, two (one masculine, one feminine) opposite forces, working together. Caliborn is part of Lord English. And the snake symbolism, snakes are both symbols of life and fertility, and of destruction, and there's the green apple/red apple thing, plus the association of snakes and trees (again with the growth/decay motif)

Jake: the association with skulls. The PC name. The vibe. It's low-key kinda obvious, he's meant to refer to where Jesus died. Mount Golgatha, referenced in his PC name, golgathasTerror, was where Jesus was crucified. It was also commonly referenced as a skull-shaped hill. Now, his boyfriend dirk is a very obvious gnostic reference. His denizen is literally the demiurge. I'm assuming the two of them and their friends are supposed to be a trinity sort of thing. Jane is Sophia (wisdom), Roxy is hylekoi (material), dirk is psychekoi (psychological) and Jake is pneumatikoi (spiritual). Jake is also part of Lord English, so.

The dolorosa/the sufferer: as I said before, the dolorosa is based on the Virgin Mary. Her name is a reference to 'sedet mater dolorosa' (rough Tran: the mother sits weeping/in pain), a title of the Virgin mary. She found the sufferer as a grub (baby) and adopted him, which was the first time something like that had ever happened. The sufferer grew up to lead a revolt, and became, as said before, essentially troll Jesus.

alright, I'm tired. I'll upd8 it if I think of anything else.

Upd8 1: I FORGOT THE SPATIAL-TEMPORAL THING. so essentially there are two axes. Spatial, which is heaven, hell, earth, and God. So basically all the creative aspects. Then there's Temporal, which is time in general, but more specifically the End Times. This also fits in with aradia as she, the maid of time, helps (maid) to usher in the End (time).

[naggingatlas]

i looove putting spark over songs about like heroes and saving the world (tom cardy's 'level clear', uncle outrage's 'saved the world' <- nice voice hc for him!. and 'my superhero movie'.) when he like. Did. Not : ) funney.

[furbearingbrick]

Quick question im genuinely curious about this: why do you Hate the certain franchises that you listed with asterisks? This Is a genuine question no Hate whatsoever

do you want the list numbered or bulleted

[goingtothebes]

if my stepmom could go. one single day without being a shithead. that would be cool. awesome actually.

[purpleandstarlight]

Me as i reach yet again the seven graduating out of the iconic Warwick Academy:

[cryptotheism]

"What is alchemy even?"

Tat: “O pop-history esoterica blogger, what is Alchemy?”

C.T: “My student, alchemy can be neatly summed up as “proto-chemistry.” For most of history there have been people like yourself, those who wonder what the world is made of, how it fits together, and what are the rules that govern its transformations. These days, the people who study these questions are called chemists, but before there were chemists, there were alchemists.”

Tat: “So what’s the difference? What does a chemist have that an alchemist does not?”

C.T.: “The answer is roughly 1,700 years of accumulated knowledge and writing. Chemistry was built from the works of the alchemists.”

Tat: “Ah! So it is like how astronomy arose from astrology?”

C.T.: “Not quite. For astronomers and astrologers both still exist. Alchemy became chemistry. There are no more alchemists. Or, attempting to practice alchemy today, would simply be practicing chemistry.”

Tat: “But what about spiritual alchemy? Were alchemists not magicians?”

C.T.: “My student, there were thousands of alchemists throughout history, from dozens of time periods and cultures. Some were indeed mystics and magicians, but they were generally outliers. The vast majority of alchemists were more akin to glass-blowers and blacksmiths than oracles and magicians.”

Tat: “But alchemical writing speaks so much of gods and divinity!”

C.T.: “Many texts do! Many cartographers from history used elaborate biblical metaphors to describe their work, but you don’t see modern scholars claiming all medieval mapmakers were secretly mystics. The bible was something many were familiar with. Using biblical metaphors to explain complicated processes is simply good technical writing.” 

Tat: “But, if most alchemists were not magicians or mystics, why discuss alchemy in this text? Isn’t this book about magic?”

C.T.: “Because few things have been more influential on western magical literature. Even entirely mundane, non-magical alchemical works are wondrously evocative. Even now, alchemical literature has a way of seizing the imagination. Many texts are literally occluded, written in code to protect the alchemists work. Even when alchemical literature is non-magical, it is deeply esoteric.”

Tat: “Why are they written that way?”

C.T. “To protect trade secrets! What if you discovered a new way to make stronger armor, or sharper swords? That information must be recorded, but it also cannot fall into enemy hands. Many alchemists protected their discoveries with intentionally complex metaphorical language that could only be understood by those with the required knowledge. This also makes them extremely difficult to translate into other languages!”

Tat: “I see! But how did it end? Chemistry is no longer discussed with esoteric metaphors, what changed?”

C.T. “It was a gradual change that took place over generations. But for the purposes of time, this text will consider the First Alchemist to be Maria Hebrea, and the Last Alchemist to be Sir Issac Newton.”

Tat: “But what about the alchemist-mystics? Will this text discuss them?”

C.T. “Indeed, my student. We will be discussing them at length.”

More alchemy on patreon today!

[betterfettered]

Ok but imagine if the Mc they got was religious.

Like daily prayers, church going. Pretty much full fledged christian ending up in devildom with literal demons.

•Religious!mc who devoted their life to christ getting railed by the demon bros (especially lucifer).

•Religious!mc who was saving themself for marriage can no longer do so after her nights with the boys.

•Religious!mc who wore a cross necklace clutching it around her neck as they get railed from behind.

•Religious mc! who prays for forgiveness after begging for more the night before.

(I’m sorry but corruption kink is top teir + first time doing something like this so idk if it’s like worded correctly)

Anonnamin this ask gels so well with another one that I got about a super sweet MC from my moon anon!

Alright, but imagine this. A cute little reader who is just SUCH a softie Like, they are the type to help old ladies cross the street, volunteer at soup kitchens, work at a bakery, always give the brothers random little gifts that remind them of them, and just wholesome stuff like that. But the poor bby always blames themselves for any problems, like they are such a little ball of sunshine who is always blaming themselves, it's quite sad actually. Like they are always trying to brighten everyone's day and smiling, but if someone even slightly raises their tone at reader, reader will start tearing up and apologizing. They are just such a sweet little thing, and like the entire school absolutely loves them and a lot of people see reader like a little sibling figure. Because of this the brothers absolutely love this innocent cute little reader who only wants to make everyone feel happy and loved, but then their are all the other students at school stealing away reader's attention and protecting reader when they see how obsessive and possessive the brothers are. (Reader has no clue though lol, absentee parental figures gang, don't know what healthy love is ✌) (If the brothers get born mad at reader, reader will cry and isolate themselves because "they aren't enough for them" and "they probably don't wanna deal with me right now", and just close themselves off) Moon anon 🌙

I'm gonna combine the two of them together into an ask about a super saintly MC. 🧚🏿 If you feel like there was something I missed feel free to send in another ask~

It's killing me to imagine a terrified religious!MC waking up and meeting real life villains from the bible LOOOOOL literally wakes up, is introduced to The Actual Lucifer, passes back out again hahahahahha

I mention a trans girl with a dick in this, I don't know if that needs a warning. If you read this and appreciate the warning, please let me know somehow. Otherwise I'm not going to mention this kind of thing again.

(Gn!reader x AMAB!yandere, please let me know if reader is gendered)(noncon)(violence against reader)(gaslighting)(exhibitionism)(drugging)(plus size reader 💖🫡)(blasphemy, but you knew that LOLOL)(18+ readers only please, mdni)(Please let me know if I am missing a TW)[This is fetish content and rape and abuse are disgusting and inexcusable in real life.]

Yandere!Lucifer would soon feel pretty protective over an MC like this, especially because he thinks you're so foolish easily taken advantage of. He would also appreciate how obedient you are, it's so much easier than needing to tell his brothers to do or not do things over and over again. In a sense, he would protect you from things that he would do to you himself: he's not going to let concerned students at RAD take up all of your time because he himself is going to take up all of your time. He's not going to let other people order you around but he certainly is going to order you around. Most importantly, he won't let other people force you to live your life one way or another because you will be living life to his exact specifications.

I think on the other hand that he'd be kind of personally offended by your brand of religiousness. It intrinsically paints him as a bad guy and makes his reasoning out to be unjustified which, even if it weren't a sore spot, contradicts what he likes to believe about himself. I think his real cruelty streak would start to show around how he dismisses your beliefs. The first time you earn yourself a bad punishment from him, he'll be determined to hurt and violate you in ways that you would not have been able to imagine before, shoving toys into you that are way, way too big for only your first time, putting chained clamps on your nipples and tugging them until you are hoarse from screaming, forcing orgasm upon orgasm onto you until you it only hurts, paddling you until you're shaking. He'll ask why your God isn't helping you, but no answer you give him will be the right one (earning a larger toy or maybe another paddle): the real answer is because you like what he's doing to you, it's what you've always wanted, and your God knows that.

Yandere!Mammon would be sooo bad with this kind of MC LOL He's such a scammer that he would completely take you for all you're worth. You'd both end up broke and in trouble because of him LOLLL He has a hard time admitting when he's done something shitty, so he might allow you to blame yourself for things quite a bit, maybe even use your low self esteem to guilt you for spending time with other people at school vying for your attention (I'll circle back to this).

I don't think he'd have it on him to outright force himself on you because you're so innocent and sweet. Instead, he'll probably slip a double dose of an aphrodisiac into a snack he serves you and wait for you to come onto him. Imagine always wearing a religious robe and, after being drugged, hurriedly yanking it up in a daze so you can dumbly grind on Mammon's thigh and grab his wrists so you can rub his hands all over your body because you have no idea what to actually do about being horny LOL After he fucks you until you're satisfied, he'll let you think that the entire thing was your idea all along. If you get way too torn up about your sinful thoughts and behavior he might grudgingly admit that maybe you ate something strange. Circling back to the above, he is happy to take advantage of your guilt and naivete but he does have a kernel of morals deep down.

Yandere!Leviathan would be obsessed with your purity and good heartedness. I don't even want to mention her in this context because she is a child but honestly your personality would align with a lot of the kinds of things he likes about Ruri-chan. It's the ideal magical girl: chipper, sweet, always trying to help others etc. He'd be quietly obsessed with your religious behavior: you might be praying and then look up and see him watching you, or when you are helping people with things in public he follows you around and tries to help, too.

Unfortunately, the more he becomes obsessed with your purity, the more dirty thinking about you sexually will become to him, which means it makes him all the hornier LOL You'll start to notice him staring at your body and giving you lingering touches on your legs and shoulders. When he finally can't take it any more, he will want to shield you from the corruption as much as possible. He'll sneak into your room at night with a blindfold, tie it over your eyes and tell you to just go back to sleep. Obviously you wouldn't be able to sleep through someone taking your virginity, so he'll just try to soothe you as you cry even though he's fucking you way too hard because of his inexperience. You feel dirty and bruised once he's done with you, but rather than comfort you, he'll apologize by insulting himself and saying how awful and wicked he is and how you deserve better. You are always inclined to blame yourself, so even though you still feel his handprints all over you and the weird slipperiness between your legs makes you feel disgusting, you'll tell him it's not his fault and wonder what you must have done to provoke him. Levi is one of those people who says "I am a bad person anyway so might as well do it again", so expect the nightly visits to continue. You'll spend them clutching a cross as tightly as you can and praying, sadly unaware that that is only turning him on more.

Yandere!Satan wants to study you like an academic subject and needs to know everything about you that there is to know, so he'd be very very interested in your religion since it's such a big part of who you are. He also doesn't have as much experience with the celestial realm as the other brothers, so is more open to hearing about what is in your Bible since he doesn't have his own beliefs about it. You would literally be doing "Bible study and chill" with him where he listens to you talk about God and read scripture, and you would be so pleased when he seems like maybe he is thinking about converting. After all, to you helping him see the Lord's light is one of the kindest, sweetest things you can do.

That's why when the "and chill" part comes in you would feel so shocked and betrayed. You're sitting on his lap, reading pages out loud to him when you feel his teeth latch onto your neck and his tongue move back and forth over the sensitive skin while he gropes you. Maybe you're confused about his intention, so you ask what he's doing while he pins you face down by your shoulders, pulling your ass up and against him. You'd be confused and trying to explain that this isn't pious at all when he tells you he doesn't believe any of that shit at all and never did, and the shock would be so deep you don't even cry while he pulls your clothes off and throws your Bible to the floor carelessly like it's trash. Like Lucifer, he's the type to ask something like where it says in your scriptures that you should cum all over his face while he gives you head, or to slap you and actually quote Bible passages about meekness to you when you try to resist, asking if you really even believe what you read to him.

Yandere!Asmodeus is going to think how innocent you are is so cute and try to corrupt you immediately. Imagine you have baked some cookies, and you are going to give them out. He'll offer to go with you and then right before you step into the classroom he'll catch you by your waist, pulling your soft body back towards him until his arms are smushing your stomach. Asmo will whisper with his lips against your ear that every one of these people who is vying for your attention because you're so sweet actually just wants to be the first one to breed you, that when you hand them cookies they just think about fucking every hole you have. He'll ask what hole you'd use for which person until you struggle to get out of his arms and run away.

But even when you're gone, you can't help but think of his question every time you hand out a cookie, or in gym when a girl tries to talk to you and you can see her cock through her pants you can't help but think you want to take her in your mouth because it would hurt anywhere else. It's embarrassing and flustering and makes you want to be by yourself, which is a perfect time for Asmo to come and find you, to yank your robe up and point out how aroused you are. He'll narrate what's happening to your body, explaining it's totally natural to feel that way when you want to have sex, and asking who you saw that made you so horny.

He'll do this as long as he needs to until you are begging him to help you with this feeling between your legs that's driving you crazy and makes it hard to sit still in class. When you apologize to god before begging him to fuck you, he'll tell you that there's no need to. God gave you these feelings so you could act on them. He wants you to feel pleasure.

Yandere!Beel would be annoyed with how you let anyone who wants your attention have it, and he'd dislike how you always trust your god to keep you safe instead of him. God lets bad things happen all the time, so in his mind thats a ridiculous system. Whenever he sees you clutching your cross or praying, he will demand to know what it is you're asking for and try to give it to you himself. He thinks religion and your cross is a distraction from your relationship to him, especially since he's met all the people you're talking about and none of them are that special to him. If he wants your attention, he just cuts in to where you are and demands it, even if that means picking you up and carrying you away.

Yan!Beel will always fuck you when his libido outpaces his sense of control, but when he hears you praying he'll be enraged. You don't need that stuff! He'll try to rip your cross off of your neck, but the chain is too strong so he ends up choking you by it. You'd better say that all you need is him, to calm him down. Otherwise, expect him to yank you around by the chain like its a leash, pounding you so hard that you can't catch your breath to pray or beg him to stop. After he cums he'll just jam him fingers into you, stroking you with his other hand until you say what you want.

Listen I love Yandere!Belphie being insane as much as the next cockwhore, but I think he would actually be really, really kind to an MC like this. He went to the human world often to meet new kinds of people since he loves learning about them, so he'd be really comforted by how sweet and gentle you are while also loving how you hold him while he naps and let him tuck his cold feet under you all the time. He likes your prayers because they put him to sleep and give him good dreams.

What would make him snap is the constant attention to other people. He's often waiting for you in bed, so waiting hours and hours just to find out you've been with other people would drive him absolutely crazy. You might be tutoring a few other students and he comes in, seizing you by your hair and slamming your head down onto a desk. You squirm and plead for him to stop, but he'd still rip your clothes off and fuck you in front of them so they know that you are his. Even while you're sobbing he'll say (loud so they can all hear) that he can feel you clenching down on him, so you must love it. You'd turn your head to ask the other demons for help and see most of them with their hands in their pants and their eyes smoldering with lust. The fact that you'd be in so much pain losing your virginity in front of a crowd that you struggle like crazy and pray to be saved just makes the show more interesting.

[veethebeequeen]

I would just like to remind you all that crimson rivers is longer than the literal bible by almost 50,000 words

[showtoonzfan]

This is from the alleged cleanup artist anon again, so again…take all with a grain of salt but y’all IF this is true I can’t. When I first read the description for Lucifer’s character in the leaked pitch Bible, I had the theory that Lilith just left Lucifer because of his strained relationship with Charlie. The pilot clearly indicated that Lucifer was against Charlie’s wishes and didn’t understand her, so I assumed that’s what caused Lilith to part from him, thinking him and his ways were wrong, especially since in the pilot a poster reveals that she’s a concert artist who wants to go against the Angel’s rather than just letting them slaughter demons like Lucifer agreed to.

However even without this alleged info, Lucifer’s character sheet in the pitch Bible confirms that he’s no longer his pilot counterpart and is now rewritten as this soft goofy wet cat who wants to connect with his daughter rather than looking down on her like the pilot suggested. And I understand that ideas change from pilot to show, but man…does this piss me off on Lilith’s part. How are you going to go from Charlie calling her mom (looking for comfort and indicating that she had a closer relationship with her than she did with her dad) saying “I need advice I think dad was right about me”- to turning Lilith into the one who’s evil and hates Lucifer because he’s “gone soft”??? 💀

And of course this would be a different story if BOTH Lucifer and Lilith were characterized as bad, because they are the king and queen of hell after all. Like maybe they both see Charlie as a failure and don’t like her idea or sympathize with any other classes below them, but instead Vivziepop once again is creating a black and white relationship where one character is the one you should sympathize with and the other you should hate. The goofy soft “flawed but not that bad” male who cares for his daughter while his bitchy wife is evil just for the sake of being evil. Aka…Stolas and Stella, Viv is literally writing the same thing and all because she fucking despises her female characters and refuses to write complex characters without favoring one of them and leaving the other dry and underdeveloped.

Like even if this isn’t true I highly doubt Lilith will have a character. I 100% expect her to barley be in any scenes or be present, and when she is there she’s just this wealthy famous woman who’s obsessed with fame and fortune while being mean to Charlie/Lucifer. The relationship between Charlie and her will probably be nonexistent as well, mirroring Stella and Octavia.

[hey-missy-youre-so-fine]

Being a marauders fan is so funny, like we were exposed to the Harry Potter franchise, and just immediately were like “you see this guy? The dad that died before the series started? And the kid that died like two decades ago and gets like one or two pages total in the entire series? Yeah, I like those characters.”

Like we literally found a bunch of (canonically dead) characters that are barely mentioned in the books/movies, delicately scooped them up and developed their characters because J.K. Rowling didn’t. And now we have fanfics longer than the freaking Bible about dead gay wizards from the ‘70s, all based on character head cannons that the internet collectively decided was canon. And the best part is that no one can prove it wrong, because the vast majority of characters that lived during the marauders’ era have hardly any background information in the material!

Seriously, though, the fanfics are so long. Like I’m still reading All the Young Dudes, Just Lovers, and Choices. And I haven’t even started Crimson Rivers yet.