#it’s the last day i’m supposed to see her. my last lab i guess. and she says…something. that would be obvious to a non-fearful brain

[explanationpoint]

..

[bullet-prooflove]

"And I’ll dream each night of some version of you That I might not have, but I did not lose" with Stuart Scola, pretty please??

Tagging: @trublu2u @burningpeachpuppy @district447 @stelacole @kmc1989

Little Changes - Stuart notices when you start to make little changes.

The Last Time - You and Stuart face a problem regarding your wish to start a family.

Fresh - You decide you need to start fresh.

Seduction (NSFW) - You decide to seduce Stuart.

Stuart still dreams about you being a mom. He thinks about it everytime you’re in the vicinity of a child, picking up a fallen toy or stopping one from running out into the road. You’d be the fun parent, the creative one.

For you that dream has died, you’ve buried it, grieved for it…

“I’ve accepted it,” You tell him your first day returning to the field in two years.  “There’s no point in keeping my life on hold for something that’s never going to happen.”

The whole thing wrenches at his chest because he knows that having a family is still within your reach, that you still have options but you won’t even consider them.

“Surrogates change their minds, adoptions fall through.” You tell him when he tries to discuss it with you one morning over breakfast. “I can’t face that level of uncertainty.”

He can tell the conversation is over because you get up and head upstairs to take a shower.

The thing is, you may have moved on but Stuart hasn’t. He hasn’t told you that he still keeps a tiny stuffed panda in the top drawer of his desk at work, he bought it the first time you took a pregnancy test because he was so sure it would take. He takes it out when he’s alone sometimes, runs his fingers through it’s fur.

That’s what he’s doing when Jubal escorts the social worker to his desk, the one that’s apparently been trying to track him down over the last few days.

“I don’t understand, I’m not working any cases with kids.” He says as he tucks the panda back in the drawer and closes it.

“This is more of a private matter.” She tells him.

It’s in the conference room he learns he has son. A  three year old called Jack.

Back when you broke off the engagement to go undercover Stuart fell into old habits, drinking, fucking. One of the people he did that with was Nina Chase…

Nina Chase who had recently been killed in action during a raid on fentanyl lab.

Nina Chase who he had apparently gotten pregnant after a one night stand and had neglected to mention that the last time they ran into each other on case.

“Are you sure?” He asks the social worker because right now his head feels like it’s going to explode and he has no idea how the hell he’s supposed to feel.

“You’re listed on the birth certificate and in her will.” The social worker confirms as she removes the documentation from her satchel and pushes it across the desk towards him. He flicks through it, studying the details intently. It’s when he sees a picture of Jack that something just clicks, the kid has his eyes, the exact same shade of blue.

It’s the letter that comes with the will that confirms what he’d already guessed. The two of them had hooked up a month before you walked back into his life. By the time she found out she was pregnant you were back together, engaged again. She hadn’t wanted to fuck that up.

He’s waiting for you in the kitchen when you get home, a glass of whiskey in his hand and the documentation in front of him.  

“I know that face.” You say as you set your bag down on the kitchen counter. “That’s the ‘you’ve done something I’m not going to be happy with’ face.”

You come to stand in front of him, your hands resting on your hips and his heart pounds in his chest because this, this is going to upend your entire world and truthfully he doesn’t know where you’re going to land.

What he does know is, he’s going to raise his child, with you or without you.

“Sasha.” He says softly as he pushes the file towards you. “We need to talk.”

Stuart? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

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[lizamango]

Cruel World 1/? (Brainwashed HYDRA!Reader x Steve Rogers)

summary: A war between SHIELD and HYDRA rages on in the shadows of the world. You live for the kill as a Black Widow until you discover Steve Rogers, the weapon for the opposing side who makes you question the side you’ve been fighting for. (inspired by Underworld, just go with the lore on this fit pls)

warnings: smut later, cussing, canon typical violence

Wanna join my taglist?

wc: 4384 (ik my first chaps are always insane)

The war between SHIELD and HYDRA had ended when SHIELD’S prize was defeated by Johann Schmidt, the leader of the faction at the time. The prize was killed in a blaze of fire and ice, hope was lost for SHIELD, causing them to scatter into hiding.

Now, HYDRA puppets the world’s leaders, in charge behind closed doors, everyone in their pockets. The superior faction. Made up of Assets and Widows.

7 Decades have passed since the day SHIELD’s beloved prize was defeated and yet pockets of SHIELD would stubbornly attempt to put up a fight against HYDRA. Weapons have evolved since then, as did technology. However, our purpose remains.

Hunt them down and kill them off. A once tireless crusade, now approaching its end as SHIELD nears extinction. A pity for those like me, a Black Widow, who lived for the hunt.

“Sestra, I have eyes on the entrance,” Oksana announces through the radio. “One guard.”

“One guard? Sloppy,” Yelena remarks.

“Terpeniye,” I order. Patience. “I’m going in. Watch my six.” I jump down from my perch on a tree, my legs feeling the jolt of my landing. Our suits are white to blend into the snowy environment.

“Show off.” I know Yelena is rolling her eyes.

“You’re just jealous,” I tease. I always was stronger, faster and more agile than other Widows. Perhaps that’s why Dreykov favours me.

“We got the same training, suka.”

I smirk and pull out a knife from my sleeve. I approach from the side of the entrance and slit the throat of the guard. I use his keycard to unlock the doors.

“Clear,” I announce into my radio. In no time Oksana and Yelena are at my side. Our orders are simple; kill all SHIELD agents and report any new intel.

The facility is surprisingly large for a faction that has been driven to near extinction but I assume it’s an older facility back from when they had larger numbers…

There are floor plans on the wall next to the elevator. This place isn’t heavily guarded at all. “Yelena, take the ground floor, Oksana clear subfloor one then meet me by the north staircase of subfloor two and we rendezvous by the helipad. Clear?”

“Crystal,” they reply.

We split up, following the orders I gave. There were no guards manning the staircases and besides the entrance, no other doors I approach require a keycard.

I enter a room that looks like an office space. I frown, SHIELD isn’t supposed to be this organised. There are files and maps of supposed HYDRA bases… some wrong assumptions while others were a little two close for comfort. I take pictures of the room and some files they have for intel. One file is particularly thick, stamped with a red Classified and is filled with the name Dr Erskine.

“Hey! Identify yourself!” I hear a yell and look up to see a SHIELD agent in full tac gear and a gun. I throw a widow’s bite at him which stuns him for a few seconds then slide towards him, wrapping my whip around his neck, using it as a garrote. With the snap of his neck I let go and pull him into the room, shutting the door to continue with my mission.

The last room I get to requires a keypad but there’s no time to guess a million combinations so I stab my knife into the side to expose the wiring.

“You are not clear yet?” Oksana teases. I roll my eyes.

“Shut up, I’m working.” I use my knife to strip the rubber casing of the thickest wire and short circuit it with one of my widow’s bites. The door opens to reveal a laboratory. We walk in, on guard. Suspiciously, the lab is empty save for a puddle of water on a gurney and a heart and vitals monitor in the centre.

“What was going on here?” Oksana wonders as she surveils the lab. I find more files, one with wet marks, indicating someone had flipped through the pages with wet hands recently.

Subject woken. Vitals normal. Natural suspended animation.

A photo of a man, a handsome one at that, is stapled to the report. Blonde hair, long lashes and chilled jawline. STEVEN GRANT ROGERS.

I frown.

I pull the photo from the staple and pocket it. I turn to Oksana and hear it before she does. Gunshots. I duck under the gurney and see a flash of black helmets and blonde hair rush toward another exit. I run to follow them, passing by Oksana’s lifeless body. Fuck.

“Yelena, Oksana is down, SHIELD agents headed down south.” I report while following them.

“Oksana?”

“Go through the lab at the end of the corridor and the back door!”

I see that two Agents seem to be protecting the blonde man. I frown and shoot at one of the uniformed agents. As I set eyes on who I assume is a civilian, he enters a submarine with the help of an agent before I shoot that one down too.

I feel Yelena arrive next to me and hear her fire off shots too.

“What the fuck happened?”

I shake my head. “We have to go back to headquarters.”

We run up the stairs to the line of trees where we left our snow mobiles and ride towards our rendezvous point; a helipad atop a now abandoned hospital.

I speak into our radio, “Tac team 12 requesting extraction, one Widow down, medical assistance not necessary, over.”

“Extraction order received, arrival in T minus 16 minutes. Out.” The other line briefly responds.

“What happened to Oksana?” Yelena asks again.

I shake my head. “Shield agents shot at us. I got both of them back but someone else was there. He got away.”

“A civilian?” Yelena raises a brow.

“I don’t think so.” I look through the classified files again. “An asset.”

“SHIELD has no assets.”

“We have to take it up with the council.”

“That means bringing it through Rumlow,” Yelena says.

I sigh. Rumlow. He’s, for lack of a better term, obsessed with me. And not in a good way. I don’t know who to trust. Johann Schmidt is the Hydra high command of the decade and he has claimed for 70 years that he had been the one to take down Steve Rogers. To take down SHIELD’s organisation. How could I possibly bring this conspiracy to the attention of my faction?

The sound of the chopper interrupts my thoughts.

“You could bring it to Melina?”

One of Dreykov’s older Widows and importantly, trusted.

The chopper lands and we enter. It takes us swiftly back to the Red Room.

To no one’s surprise, Rumlow is waiting for us. We walk right passed him.

“What happened? You lost a Widow?” A Widow hasn’t been lost to this war in 7 years. That’s how weak we believe SHIELD to be. Not anymore it seems. Having the prize back may just be the turning point they need to gain an advantage over us.

“Oksana was shot down by SHIELD agents,” Yelena answers.

“What?” Rumlow spits out. “How is that possible?”

“That’s what I’m going to find out,” I say, choosing to avoid telling him the whole story or whatever part of the story I have.

“Where are you going?”

I stop and turn to face him. “I’m going to Melina. We need better weapons if SHIELD is firing at us.”

“You’re not going back out on a hunt tonight.”

“That’s not for you to decide, is it? Your orders don’t extend to the Widows.”

“The succession is in two days, we need everyone of importance to be here, at the stronghold getting ready for the ceremony. Even this mission was a risk, clearly I should have trusted my gut because now a Widow is dead!” He’s lucky the Succession is for Pierce and not Dreykov who would go to the ends of the earth to avenge a fallen Widow. Coward. I almost say it out loud.

Rumlow scoffs at my silence and stops following me.

“Wow, you know how to rile him up,” Yelena comments.

“6 years of his obsession, I know how to handle it by now.”

“Yikes. I would have just killed him.”

I laugh but roll my eyes. “Did you find anything on your sweep?” I ask, realising I didn’t get a debrief from her.

“Just four agents but it didn’t look like they had any sort of planning, sure organisation because that was the most we’ve seen in such a big location but…” Yelena shrugs.

“No lab?”

“Nope.”

I nod. “How are you dealing with Oksana?”

“I’m fine,” she responds in the least convincing tone. “I’m going. There’s that gala tonight.”

“There’s a gala every night,” I scoff, not keeping up with the social calendar. I continue to make my way to Melina’s lab.

“Come in,” she says before I can knock, though the glass doors make it pointless. “What do I owe the pleasure, detka?”

“We have a problem.” I pull out the photo from my pocket.

Melina frowns. “What am I looking at? The newest supermodel? He’s a bit too muscular for fashion, isn’t he?”

“This is serious, Melina.”

“Elaborate, detka.”

“I found files on him at the SHIELD facility we were sent to. I think it’s the prize.”

Melina cackles. “That means nothing. The SHIELD faction were fanatics about their Captain America,” she says in a mocking tone. “Star spangled banner propaganda bullshit. Look at them now, rats just trying to survive a burning ship. What has their Captain America done for them?”

“Could it be possible that he is still be alive? Maybe-Maybe Schmidt missed something.”

“Izmena,” she scolds. Treason.

“I saw them protecting someone. The agents I killed. He got away.”

“The succession is days away. You can wait that long.”

No. Right now, who ever that blonde man is, he’s disoriented and that means careless. He must be the one in the picture, why else would they have his file in a lab if not to do research?

“You cannot confront the council with this. It is a death sentence to question Schmidt, even for you.”

“Dreykov would believe me.” I take the photo and go to my room. I wash off the grime and dirt from my hair and stand under the shower for a while, thinking. Where would this prize go? If I was believed to be dead all these years… home would be my first stop. I get chills just thinking about it. Home. The warmth I used to feel as my parents came home from work, surprising us with food or toys. My sister…

I turn the shower valve and dry off. I opt for a casual black leather suit, not the attire for the gala Rumlow will no doubt be hounding me about. All we know about SHIELD’s prize is that he was from New York.

I leave discretely as the decadence of the gala distracts everyone else. I make my way up to the hanger and get into a quinjet. They won’t miss one…

I’ve flown a jet before, just never alone and outside of a mission. It feels forbidden. I turn off tracking and communications before anyone can sense my disappearance. I land the jet in a clearing outside the city of New York and activate cloaking.

I walk into a library and find the American history section, also known as works of fiction with the lies they spread and infect their people with…

World War II. Captain America.

The text reads.

Captain Steven Grant Rogers grew up in Brooklyn, suffering from numerous health problems for which he was denied from enlisting five times before he was recruited by Dr Abraham Erskine’s Project Rebirth as the only person in the world to receive the Super Soldier Serum.

What made him so special? I think as I flip the pages, looking for a clue.

In 1943, Rogers single-handedly liberated 150 captured troops from a Nazi base in Austria.

A raid on a Nazi transport train led to the capture of Nazi scientist Arnim Zola and the unfortunate death of Howling Commando and best friend of Steve Rogers, James Barnes.

There is a passage on James Barnes and his relationship with the prize along with a photo of the two, dated at 1935. They were outside of a brownstone.

“Fan of Captain America?” a young boy asks.

I smile, “pretty awesome hero, huh?”

“My favourite.”

My smile turns into a smirk. A child. Easy to manipulate. “What do you know about his past? Y’know, before the serum and stuff?”

“Well, he was the best guy ever like the only reason he was picked to have the serum was coz he was such a good guy!” I smile and nod along. “His old apartment, in Brooklyn where that photo was taken was turned into a museum! Like that Anne Frank house in Amsterdam.”

“Oh really? Do ya mind telling me the address? I’d love to visit it.”

“Sure!” Did I mention kids were easy to manipulate?

I took a cab to the address and sure enough the apartment was there with a sign going on about America’s glorified hero. I refrain from rolling my eyes. It wasn’t busy, a passerby would pay it no mind if they were just going about their day. I walk up into the apartment. It isn’t anything too special, two bedrooms, a kitchenette, a couch and bookcase as the living room. There are plaques with fun facts about the items. I walk into the second bedroom, smaller than the first. This must’ve been his. There are comic books and photographs on the desk. The plaques explaining who were in the photos and that the comic books are replicas of what he would have entertained himself with because he was too sick to go outside and play with the neighbours. What a sad life. I think back to the space I had in my family home. A mansion, really. The outdoor playground my parents built for us.

An album of the Captain’s drawings is on the bedside table. I flip through it and there are portraits of everything, skyscrapers, people, a park with a bridge in it. Brooklyn Bridge. Next stop.

I spot him immediately. He seems to have acquired some new clothes as the Captain sports a brown worn leather jacket, a tight black shirt and loose fit jeans and boots. He’s sitting on the bench overlooking the bridge and park from the exact angle the sketch seemed to be from.

“You were at that base in Russia,” he says as I sit beside him.

“You weren’t supposed to be there.”

“You killed those agents.”

“They were my orders,” I state.

“Are you here to kill me?” he asks calmly.

“I’m not. I need you to come with me.”

“Oh now you’re asking nicely?”

“You don’t know this new world, I do.”

“I’m supposed to trust you?” he raises a brow.

“Do you see anyone else trying to help you, Captain?”

He chuckles. He’s too… confident. It makes me uneasy and I don’t get uneasy.

“Fine. But you should know, if it comes to a fight… you’ll lose.”

It’s my turn to chuckle. “A threat? Hardly golden boy material. Is this what the American dream entails?”

“There’s something I wanna grab from my apartment first.”

I look at him sharply.

“Just a couple photographs. Memories. I didn’t get a chance to stop by yet. It was full of people.”

“If you try anything…”

He doesn’t. He’s an honest enough man, I think as I watch him look through the photographs on his desk. What must it be like to visit his home after being away for so long? Having strangers pick through and dissect every little thing they find… Something comes into my peripheral vision and I duck as the bullet hits the wall behind me. That’s why you don’t stand in front of open doorways, tupitsa. I throw a widow’s bite at the assailant’s neck and then go down. Another charges towards me but I kick the desk chair towards him and as he topples over I knee him in the face.

“We have to go.” I grab his hand and lead him through the stairs but there are agents waiting for us. I jump up on the railing and kick one agent in the face then jump down to the flight below wrap my legs around another agent’s throat until they passed out. I look up to see the Captain fighting off another two agents. We make our way down, removing anyone from our paths. But as we do this I can’t help but wonder how SHIELD has enough troops for an attack like this?

We get to the alley but there are still agents of SHIELD in our way. One takes out a knife and attempts to slash at the Captain. I throw a widow’s bite at him.

I don’t feel it until the Captain reacts, picking up a trash can lid and throwing it at the shooter. I look down and see my suit darken with the wetness of blood. Fuck.

“Come on!” the Captain puts his arms around me as I press down on the shot to my side, the bullet went straight through. “Keep pressure on it.”

He walks me toward a black car, SHIELD’s. Putting me into the passenger’s seat he rushed to the driver’s side and hit wires the car to start.

“Where did Captain America learn to steal a car?”

“Shut up, we’ve got to take you to the hospital!”

“No. No hospitals. I don’t need-“

“Don’t need?! You’ve been shot!” he shouts frantically.

“I’ll be fine, just t-take me to the safe house.”

“Listen ma’am, you need medical att-“

I take out my hand gun and point it right at him. “Safe. House.”

I give him the address and he reluctantly agrees.

I’ve never actually been shot before… stabbed? Yes. An arrow? Yes. Throwing stars? Definitely.

But never a bullet. I guess I’m usually better at dodging them. Or I usually don’t go out of my way to look out for someone other than myself during battle.

“Captain?”

“Yes?” he answers quickly. Worriedly.

“Never call me ma’am again.”

His chuckling is the last thing I hear as I pass out.

***

Embarrassment is what I would feel if I was conscious enough to. Passing out? The other Widows would never let me hear the end of it.

“You’re awake,” the Captain says and I hear a smile behind his words. “We’re at your safe house… doesn’t look that safe to me.”

“It’s not exactly a safe house. It’s an old interrogation and research facility.”

He frowns. “How’s your wound? I cleaned and dressed it.” I notice that he changes the subject.

“How long has it been?”

“About 14 hours.”

“And you didn’t run out on me?” I ask, in shock.

“How could I when you’re hurt?” he asks back sincerely. This man. He’s supposed to be the enemy.

I straighten myself up and he rushes to my side.

“You’re not supposed to be moving.”

“I feel fine, trust me.”

“You said that then you passed out,” he scolds.

I roll my eyes. “Actually I told you not to call me ma’am before I passed out.” I sit up and he puts a hand on my back which sends a jolt through my spine. I ignore it and lift up my shirt to look at the bandage. “I don’t… I don’t feel anything,” I say slowly, trying to make sense of things.

“What do you mean?”

“When I got shot I was in pain but now it’s like…” I slowly unwrapped the bandage.

“That’s- that’s impossible, I saw it myself, I cleaned and wrapped it up myself. You had a hole in you. Straight through.”

“I don’t understand. I’ve never- I mean I heal fast but not like this.”

“So that’s not the reason you wanted to come here instead of a hospital?” I shake my head. “Have you ever been shot before? Major traumatic injuries?”

“No, I mean I’ve been stabbed and had an arrow hit me before but that still took a couple days.”

His brows furrow. “Now your healing… is like mine.”

I shake my head in disbelief. “Don’t be ridiculous.” I unravel the rest of the bandage from me and put it in the sink, lighting it on fire to get rid of any trace. “No one can know of this, okay?”

“So you’re just gonna deny that you’ve got the serum too?” he challenges.

“Captain, you don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve never had the serum and I’m not some jacked up, glorified super soldier, understand?”

“Fine,” he relents. “And my name’s Steve by the way.”

I scoff. “Don’t get too familiar.”

He gives me a pointed look and I give him my name.

“Nice to meet you.”

“You’re too polite, you know that?”

Steve chuckles. “So, what are you planning on doing with me?”

I sigh. “I have to take you back… The people who had you, SHIELD… they want you for your abilities. My people, they can keep you safe.”

“And who are your people?” he challenges. It seems he doesn’t even know what SHIELD is, I realise. Odd because our history states that he was SHIELD’s weapon.

“I’m from the Red Room. We call ourselves Black Widows... We’re tasked with taking SHIELD down. Every last one of them.” I say with such malice I can tell he’s taken aback.

“Why do you hate them?”

“It’s a war, Steve. You would know about those, wouldn’t you?”

“I’ve had my fair share… But you’re avoiding my question. The way you said that… it was more than just a soldier following orders.”

I take him in. His face, his posture. His eyes. The most sincere eyes I’ve ever looked into. Eyes that make you feel safe because they’re on you. I see his jaw clench.

“Fine,” he goes to turn away.

“I had a nightmare that night.” He slowly turns back once I find my voice. “I went to go into my parents’ bedroom but they weren’t there. The bed was unmade, as if they’d gotten out in a hurry. I went to find my sister, she was older so she got the bigger room down stairs. I remember the thunder, it was so cold. The door was wide open, there was paper everywhere. Then I noticed all the blood.”

Steve whispers my name.

“I felt someone wrap their arms around me. At first I thought it was my father. But it was too late for that. The war had spilled into our home, they wanted something my father had but they couldn’t take it. So SHIELD decided that no one could have it. He killed the agents that they had been tracking and saved me.”

“Who did?”

“Dreykov. He founded the Black Widow program. That night, he made me what I am now. He gave me the strength to hunt down SHIELD and avenge my family.”

“He didn’t give you a serum?”

I shake my head. “He trained me. Taught me everything I know. Combat training, tactical knowledge. As he did all Widows.”

“But he treated you differently?” Smart.

I nod. “Like a daughter.”

I can tell he has more questions but he lets the silence hang as I shared the deepest part of myself with him. Essentially a stranger. No other Widows know my story. Most of them didn’t come from such tragedy. Many were given up by families without the means to raise them, others simply abandoned. They don’t know the love that they’ve missed out on. The Red Room is the only home they know.

“I um, I went out to get some food for us while you were passed out.” He’s really good at changing the subject, whether it’s for my comfort or his.

I smile softly. “What did you get?”

“Fruits - strawberries, apples. Stuff to make sandwiches from. I actually-“ he opens up the fridge. “I actually made you one already.”

I raise my brows in surprise. “Wow.”

“Yeah, wow. You should be grateful.” He pulls out a ham, lettuce and tomato sandwich.

“Oh, believe me I am.”

I sit at the counter and start to eat. I didn’t realise how hungry I was until now.

“Iced tea,” he rolls the bottle towards me. “Tried it. Tastes amazing. Think everything tastes good now… we used to boil everything.”

I scrunch my nose and he laughs.

For a moment it feels like there’s no mission, no responsibilities, no problems. Just this. Having lunch at 4am with a handsome, charming man.

“I saw the photos… read your history books. You had a best friend?”

Steve nods. “Bucky. He was all I had. He was my brother. We grew up together, both really hated bullies so we got along. I never had anyone believe in me like he did. He’s saved my life more times that he knows.” He looks solemnly at his hands which are restless. “We were on a mission on the alps and he saved me at the cost of his own life.”

“There’s nothing you could have done for him. You should know that.” I know the look on his face; the look of guilt and regret. The thoughts of I should’ve done more.

He nods though I know it’s still on his mind.

“You’d think after 70 years I’d be over it.”

“Well, it was only a couple of days for you. Technically.”

He smirks in amusement. “Technically.”

“Steve. We should get going…”

“Yeah, gotta follow through your mission, don’t ya?”

We leave the safe house and get into the car Steve stole.

“I have a quinjet in a clearing outside of New York. We can take it and get back to the Red Room.”

I start the engine and I can see the gears turning behind his eyes.

“Who started the war?”

“It’s a war for power so SHIELD did. They take everything. So we stop them. That’s all we know. Digging into the past is forbidden.”

“What will you do when we get to the Red Room?”

“I don’t trust the current powers in charge… Dreykov will know what to do.”

🖤🖤🖤

Was this too fast pace, pls lmk!!

part 2

[sourholland]

teardrops on my guitar || jack hughes

making the bold choice of writing a fic for every song on debut by taylor swift, i’ll do it sporadically and for different people as well!! once i finish debut, we will see if i’m feeling fearless tv ☺️ ambitious, believe me I KNOW. anyways send requests

this is dedicated to @folklorelvr333 —tomg is her fave song on debut and jack is her fave guy (appreciate this bc i had to learn jack hughes LORE for this)

debut masterlist

Jack had moved to Michigan during his last years of high school to further his career in hockey and to try to secure his spot as a draft pick. When he started playing for the U.S. NTDP, he attended Plymouth-Canton Educational Park when he wasn’t on the rink. There, he met you.

Jack hadn’t ever claimed to be good with girls, not really. He liked you, though. He liked you a lot. He remembered being paired up with you in lab during his first week. He thought he’d made his interest incredibly obvious. That was, if his pink cheeks and clammy hands weren’t a telltale sign of his trying to flirt with you. Mistakenly, he’d realized he’d done just about the exact opposite. He’d made himself out to be a best friend to you, a shoulder to lean on.

It wasn’t like the NTPD staff had really given him the choice of having a girlfriend, they’d actually discouraged it more than anything. He was on an extremely strict schedule, right down to the time he should be in bed every night.

“So you’ve pretty much got it all laid out for you then?” You’d asked him at lunch one day, sitting across from each other and picking at your food.

“What’s that’s supposed to mean?” He laughed, confused.

“I just mean—I don’t know, you’re seventeen years old, Jack. You’re always here or at the rink. I get it and everything, like you’re going to go pro and stuff. I just wonder sometimes if you ever do anything for you, you know?”

Jack’s lips formed a thin line, inhaling deeply as he thought about your words. It wasn’t like he didn’t understand where you were coming from, it was just all he’d ever really known. His parents had him on the ice before he was two years old. He’s eat, slept, and breathed hockey his entire life.

“I do all this for me,” he finally said. “I want this.”

“Come on,” you huffed, teasingly. “You’re telling me you never think about going out and partying? Or like, I don’t know, having a girlfriend?”

His face flushed almost instantaneously, trying to avert his gaze to anything but you. Of course he though about having a girlfriend. He thought about it every time you’d call him after practice to talk about homework. He thought about it each morning when he pulled up in front of your house and you climbed into his passenger seat, laying your hands on his forearm to tell him whatever girl drama you’d found out the night before.

“No, I guess I don’t really think about it much.”

“Bullshit,” you chided. “If that’s true, do you think you have erectile dysfunction or something? Like a hormonal imbalance?”

“What the fuck?” He laughed, nearly spitting out his Gatorade. “No, I definitely don’t have—”

“You’re blushing!” You cut him off, smiling ear-to-ear.

Jack cherished your time together in school; he rarely had a free moment outside of classes that he wasn’t playing hockey. He always felt horrible declining your offers to hang out, but he genuinely couldn’t find a free moment.

A part of him feels this is to blame for your relationship never progressing further. He thought you’d maybe felt something more than platonic feelings for him at one point, but who wants some guy who is too cool for any school functions and can’t see you on weekends because of practice or tournaments. Although, he’d never been honest with you about his feelings either.

It was only a matter of time before you moved forward with your life, leaving him to wonder what could’ve been.

Jack wouldn’t lie and say it didn’t sting every time you’d bring a new guy up, what might’ve taken the cake was when you’d brought one to a hockey game of his. It was like one of those movie moments, Jack thought at practice the next day. He’d seen you in the stands, face lighting up, only to notice the guy beside you with his arm around you.

He wanted to hate the kid, too. Only then did he realize how jealous he truly was. He was heartbroken over a girl he’d never even dated. How was that even possible, Jack would wonder as he stared up at the ceiling in bed.

He could’ve told you, could’ve been honest about how he felt about you. Who knows what would’ve happened, but at least you’d have known. It was too late, he saw how happy you were and had to match your expression with fake smiles and words of encouragement laced with frustration and envy.

Jack tried not to hate himself for how he’d let the situation play out, but he truly couldn’t.

You’d fall in love, and he’d watch. And there was nothing he could do about it.

[bobbybutterfly]

I’m back ya’ll with more art! I had all the characters designed for a while but didn’t get around to posting them. Now I’m going through sort of an art block. I’ve got lots of ideas for stuff but everything I draw is crap. So I thought I should catch up on my other stuff. Like talking about this squirrel design for Apple Jack. Now isn’t she cute!

I really like the colours on the powered up ponies. Though I did give her a different shade of pink I thought suited her better. I also gave her a bolo because southern. These uniforms aren’t supposed to be realistic. More like something they would wear in promo images. Lastly look at the little band I put in her tail. I should do something like that with other squirrels.

I made her a squirrel because they’re farmers and Apple Jack’s personality is farm. Nah. I don’t approve Apple Jack hate. I didn’t think of her all that much, when I watched MLP as a kid. Now as an adult (it feels so weird writing that) I find her relationship with her family quite interesting. She always puts herself last. Probably because she was parentified, by having to take care of Apple Bloom and the farm. One of these days I got to write an Apple Jack / Rainbow Dash fanfic. I think she contrasts well with Rainbow Dash’s selfishness.

In the Squirrel and Hedgehog universe she would be raised very patriotic. She would often be the voice of reason. Though she would butt heads with Pinkie Pie over leaving her family and Fluttershy for not wanting to serve her country.

I don’t know why my ramble about the first character is always so long. Anyways. One of my best designs, Rarity! Originally I wanted to make her a mouse and reserve the weasels for the alicorns. But come on. Rarity deserved all the glam only reserved for high ranking military officers.

She was born into a royal family. Given a high ranking position in military since birth. Rainbow Dash had to earn her high rank through blood sweat and tears. With both of them having quite strong personalities they would of course hate each other. Rarity likes being in the military and bossing animals around. Though she can be a bit too much sometimes, she has a soft spot for mice. She doesn’t see them as her equals, but treats them better than many weasels.

Lastly Twilling Sparkle! My best design. It’s the bangs and eyes. I specially didn’t put any highlights in them. The idea for her came from my IRL friend. She told me Twilight Sparkle should be a lab rat. Technically she’s a lab mouse but the joke still works! Once I get over this drawing problem I might do the honorary seventh members. Sunset Shimmer (probably a fox) and Starlight Glimmer (definitely a hedgehog).

Until now I haven’t thought of how Twilight became a scientist. She probably started as a regular soldier. Then one day they needed a lab assistant. She would prove to be quite good so the scientist decided to teach her the ways.

Now I guess I should mention my idea for this MLP Squirrel and Hedgehog fanfic. Basically the mane six would crash on a deserted island. They would have to throw away all their prejudices to survive. Proving friendship is magic. I should do some research how war prisoners are transported. And some research on military ranks too. I’m not sure who is captured. I thought it would be the weasel side considering there’s a scientist amongst them. But on the other paw how would a group of ordinary soldiers manage to catch such high ranking animals?

If you got any ideas for this story, please write to me.

[purplemarshal]

Nothing's new.

A quick 2012 Casey x Donnie fic. This is my first post on here so feel free to leave suggestions. I have also already started a possible second chapter so lets hope it goes well!

Donnie's P.O.V.

I was slow today, even slower than usual when compared to my siblings and friends. I am supposed to be the brains of our team anyway, my tech and inventions were a good compromise for whatever else I lacked. 

But today for whatever reason, something was wrong. I’m sure Sensei and my siblings could tell, heck, maybe even Casey. 

And yet I still trudged along, trying to match in strength of people that I have never even been equal to in the first place. But today my form was off, the jabs of my bo staff weaker, my face hot, my stomach mush and my limbs jelly. 

“Donatello,” Sensei said firmly, stopping everyone in the dojo. “After this sparring, I would like to talk with you, perhaps even meditate.”

As much as I would like to just crawl back to my lab and run some simple diagnosis on myself to try to see what was wrong, I knew I couldn’t escape my Sensei. 

“Hai, Sensei.”

The mentioned person did a quick nod in acknowledgment before turning to my two older siblings, who had already started sparing, not holding back.

‘This is how I die.’ I thought.

Once Leo and Raph were done sparring, (Leo almost won but Raph pulled a stunt last minute to win...) It was my turn. Against Casey.

We both took to our spots and stances, but of course Casey couldn’t just stay quiet too, god no, who would he be then? Nothing's new.

“Looks like you’re going against the one. The only. Casey-” 

“Hajime!” Sensei Splinter cut him off before he could go on about how “amazing” he was.

Casey sighed and I took it as an opportunity to strike, but just as I got close, I froze. The human still wasn’t looking at me at the moment, but just as he did our eyes met and I felt my body weaken, causing me to fall.

Or start to fall at least. My eyes flinched close as I awaited the impact that never came.

 My eyes creeped open to find that the one who caught me was none other than Casey. Fucking. Jones. Jones had caught me, even though it was the last one to touch the mat wins. I stared at him and felt my face get warm. 

‘He must’ve caught me out of reflex.’ I guessed, but that idea along with my stomach flipped when he winked at me before letting me fall the rest of the way to the ground.

I’m pretty sure everyone was laughing their heads off at the scene. But if they were I couldn’t hear them over the sound of my heart. 

He’s been doing that a lot lately. Even more than usual, I mean what started as kissy faces turned to wolf whistles. The excessive eye batting turned to winking. The snarky compliments turned into slightly suggestive ones. But the change that I hated the most was when he went from punching my arms to lightly tracing shapes all over me before acting like nothing happened and talking to someone else.

The light touches never failed to make me want to punch him in return, but the spots he touched were always left feeling like a mix of butterflies and fireworks were there and my body and mouth betrayed me by turning to jelly and leaving me speechless. 

I hated it.

But I always wanted more.

Call me needy, but I always want the attention of someone, that’s why I did so much for April, but that was stupid. Me always doing stuff for her and her not even giving me the time of day to talk to me.

Casey actually did give me time of day.

Wait.

DId he?

Do I?

I shot up as fast as I could and ran, no sprinted to my lab, completely forgetting about Master Splinter.

[harringtonstilinski]

Hello can I request something ! 😊

Thomas x reader, Stiles x Reader (platonic) when. The reader is in love with Thomas and his twins notice

i hope this meets your expectations, and i'm so incredibly sorry it's taken me like six months to get this out!!

CHARACTERS: stiles x reader (platonically), thomas x reader WORD COUNT: 901 WARNINGS: brotherly violence, fluff,

~~~

The worst part about having twins for your best friends is not being able to tell them apart when they’re both shirtless. The best part? Being able to tell them apart when they’re clothed.

I’ve known Stiles and Thomas Stilinski since second grade. First day of school, Stiles walked up to me and started talking my ear off about Star Wars, all of which I didn’t understand. But the twin that caught my eye was Thomas. He was shy, and very observant with people. 

When Stiles was done talking my ear off that day, I went over to Thomas and sat down next to him, asking him questions to get to know him. Of course, I did the same with Stiles at lunch.

Fast forward to Senior Year of High School. The Twins and I have almost every single class together,  my favorite being chemistry because Thomas and I were lab partners.

I was standing at my locker when I heard a female voice next to me say, “I’m so ready for the weekend. I can’t wait to sit at the lake house, enjoying the sun and the water.”

I chuckled, putting the book from last period back in my locker. “Okay. All by your lonesome?”

“No, I was hoping you’d be there with me.”

You looked over at your best friend, smiling at his big smirk. “I don’t know, Stiles. I mean, I was gonna spend some time with–” My words got caught in my throat at seeing Thomas coming behind Stiles… before effectively punching him in the shoulder.

“What the hell, Stiles?” Thomas said. “You weren’t supposed to tell her about the lake house!”

“Why not?” Stiles whined, rubbing his shoulder before realization hit him. “Ohhhhhhh!”

“Yeah, dumbass.”

I heard heels clicking on the floor behind me, so I turned to face Lydia’s direction, a small thin smile on my face. “Is there something going on at the lake house this weekend?”

She looked between the Stilinski twins behind me, eyes wide before replying through her teeth, “Nothing.”

I sighed, slamming my locker shut. “Unless one of you tells me what’s going on, I’m gonna be at home, curled up with a really good book in my comfy ass bed.”

Groaning, Stiles said, “We were trying to plan a surprise party for you.”

Confused, I asked, “A party? For what?” “For getting into your dream school for college, duh!” Lydia replied.

“You didn’t have to plan a party for that,” I said, putting my hand on her shoulder.

“But, sweetie, we wanted to. You tried so hard to get in by staying up late to study–”

“You got into your dream school, where’s your party?”

She chuckled. “I don’t want one.”

“Well, neither do I.”

~~~

I didn’t have a choice because before I knew it, I was sitting in the backseat of Stiles’ Jeep arguing with said boy. “Listen, there is someone I’m interested in, but he hasn’t noticed me yet, but I am not going up to him saying, ‘hey, I like you, can I jump on your dick?’ Like, what the fuck, Stiles?”

“Well, who is it?” Thomas jumped in.

I looked at him, my mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. Crossing my arms, I looked out of the window and said, “No one.”

It was silent after that, none of us saying anything until Stiles announced our arrival at the lake house. I was quick to get out after Thomas, he and I standing so close, we were almost one.

“Hi,” he breathed, almost nervous.

“Hi,” I breathed back. 

He stepped around me, going to the back of the Jeep to retrieve our things from the trunk. I thought he would walk around back by me, but he instead walked over on the driver’s side, Stiles coming up on my side.

I guess Stiles had figured something out because he gasped, saying, “You– Thomas–” incoherent gibbering. “Crush!”

My eyes widened before I turned and put my hand over his mouth. “You can’t say shit, Stilinski, do you hear me? Not a fucking word.”

“You like Thomas,” he said, words muffled by my hand.

Lowering my hand, I sighed. “Yeah. I do.” 

It was quiet for a moment before he asked, “How long?”

Shrugging, I looked down and said, “I don’t know. Sophomore year?”

He nodded. “You do realize I’ve known since then.”

“What the fuck?” a voice said.

We both turned to look in the direction the voice came from. It came from Thomas.

“You like me?”

Sighing exasperatedly, I threw my arms out to the side, saying, “Yes, Thomas. I like you.”

“Ow,” Stiles said, softly. I must’ve hit him.

“I have for a while, but it’s okay that you don’t like me back. I’ve actually come to terms with you liking Malia.”

“You like Malia?” Stiles asked.

“Stiles, not now,” Thomas said. “Y/N/N, who said I liked her? Hmm? Because I don’t.”

“Well, what about Teresa?” I asked.

“Not her, either.”

With slightly furrowed brows, I mentioned every girl in our little friend group, to which he declined to all of them. I took in a deep, shaky breath before whispering, “Me?”

He was silent, but gave a small nod. “For a while now.”

“Year?”

“Sophomore.”

Without missing a beat, I grabbed his cheeks, bringing his mouth to mine, our lips meeting in our first kiss of many.

~~~

Forever / Everything Taglist: @stiles-o-dylan24 @stixnstripesworld @fandom-princess-forevermore @quanticobae @mischiefandi @kellysashcroft @lauren-novak

[causenessus]

NO I GET ANXIETY- MY BRAIN GOES “wait patiently till your ask gets answered before sending another one.” AND I GO 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ “we are not to be annoying, they have lives outside of tumblr (unlike me) and are not chronically online.” SO I JUST GET ANXIOUS- OR I GET ANXIOUS THAT MY ASKS GET EATEN. OR WORSE. I FORGET TO TURN ON ANON. Not even going to lie, I have almost sent these in without anon so many times bcs I’m not used to yapping at people 😭😭😭 like for the entirety I’ve had my tumblr this is like one of the first times I’m using anon not to request things and just yapping.

I shall try my best to get over my anxiety…like my friends will tell you I’m a chronic like paragraph texter (will send fifteen messages and not care if you respond right away even if I’m writing paragraphs) but the minute I have to like email one of my teachers??? Or ask someone something??? Or send in yapping asks???? No. Like suddenly I get anxious that I’m being annoying- anyways…

YES THE BASEMENT IS NICER. That’s actually why my mom suggested it. Sure it’s smaller than my current room and obv doesn’t have like a closet but! It has its own bathroom, and the laundry room is down here and I’m sure I could add more closet space in there. Since I’m almost a real adult (not really, I’m just 18 and a soon to be no longer high schooler) she wants me to have more privacy especially since her boyfriend will be moving in. So very slowly I am cleaning my room.

OMG YOU’RE SO SWEET THOUGH. I WOULD FEEL BAD IF YOU WERE TO HELP THOUGH LOL. Like my friends have offered to help and I’m just like “😀 it’s like embarrassingly depression. Like needs to be cleaned I cannot see my floor. I can’t make you clean that.” But I appreciate the in spirit help 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ <3

Yeah my senior year is pretty chill. I go to a career tech school so I only have 4 classes and then lunch and then after that I finally get to go to lab (basically where we learn our career stuff). I’m taking English Comp 1 + 2 but that’s the only like higher level course I’m taking. The teacher is so sweet though, like he has a coffee and espresso machine in his room and supplies coffee, creamer, milk, and sugar for us and doesn’t make us pay. He actually encourages it 😭😭😭 he’s like “Are you tired? Oh, why don’t we go make you a cup of coffee yeah?” And then if you bring your own mug he tells you to leave it and he washes it for you and like puts it in the cupboard. Genuinely my fave teacher this year. He also never had the lights on, like he has fairy lights all around his room and then he has soft music playing in the background (The Smiths, Cigarettes After Sex, and some others). His room is so chill and comforting.

The school wanted me to take Collegr Algebra but I said no (mostly bcs I don’t need it for my degree. Culinary/ Pastry majors take business math or at least where I live they do) because the school messed up and I wasn’t supposed to take a math last year (I already had four credits cause I took 2 math classes sophomore yr) but was put in one anyway. So I wanted 1 year where I didn’t have to take math 😭😭😭

All my other classes are pretty easy, they’re both history lol. Or I guess maybe a science and history? They were both labeled as history when I was picking classes so- I have to take American History (like World History isn’t just American History expanded 😒) and Criminology (which is kinda sick ngl- like we’re only on the second week of school but it’s fun so far. We watch movies every Friday and connect them to themes about sociology/criminology).

The only other class I have is study hall and bcs all my classes are so easy I don’t do anything in there except try to write fics to post or read fics other people have posted. Slowly making my way through my drafts. Very slowly. But! Progress nonetheless!!!!

IT’S GONNA BE A WHOLE SEVEN DAYS AND MY MOM IS PAYING FOR MY BEST FRIEND OF 7 years (omg it has been 7 years. Hold on I need to throw up-) TO GO WITH US!!!! My graduation present was supposed to be going to Europe but apparently not all of us have been saving money to go 😒 /lh (adult stuff happened that they had to pay off and we’re gonna have a lot more fun when I’m 21 anyway). I DO DESERVE IT! SCHOOL IS HARD BUT I DIDN’T QUIT AND I GOT GOOD GRADES SOPHMORE YEAR ON (freshman year is when the depression room started 😭😭😭😭). Also kinda glad I’m not going to Europe anymore bcs I’m like terrified of planes. Like no joke I get such bad panic attacks, I hyperventilate and my eyes tear up (and that’s just taking off don’t get me started on turbulence!) like it’s not a fun time. (OF COURSE I’LL CHECK IN BEFORE THEN!!! I HAVE TO YAP TO YOU DUH!)

TURNS OUT I WAS READING THE WRONG SCHOOL EMAILS. (For a little context: I still get emails from my “home” school or the school I went to before the career tech school. I get two graduations because I’m technically part of both schools) AND MY SCHOOL DOESN’T TAKE LIKE SENIOR PORTRAITS. 😔😔😔 my senior photos for like graduation announcements and stuff are Saturday though 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🥰🥰🥰

THE PURPLE AND PINK IS PROBS MY FAVORITE HAIR I’VE HAD SO FAR. NOW THE ONLY COLORS I HAVEN’T DONE ARE ORANGE AND GREEN. That does sound so cool WTH!!! Aww I’m sorry :((( I have white people hair that lightens really well lol- thank you mom! ALSO!!! IF YOUR SISTER BLEACHED HER HAIR BUT IT WAS YELLOW/ORANGE THAT’S WHY IT TURNED GREEN/GREY!!! MY HAIR DID THAT ONE TIME! YOU JUST NEED TO TONE IT AND THEN HOPEFULLY IT WILL WORK! 🫶🏻

Listen- I love Suna okay but he’s not like husband. He’s a great character DON’T GET ME WRONG. But there’s just some other characters I like a little 🤏🏻🤏🏻🤏🏻 better than him. however, my irl friend told me I could pull Suna, Timeskip! Osamu, Tendō, and Seijoh 4 (minus Oikawa) so. Confidence??? RAISED ABOVE THE ROOF. ME??? PULL TIMESKIP! OSAMU????? ME??? PULL?? MATSUKAWA ISSEI (HANAMAKI TAKAHAIRO’S FAVORITE FOOD)???? LIKE ???? Little old me???? [sidenote: I love these men but they’re too tall. I KNOW. NO ONE HAS EVER SAID THAT. But I’m a little guy and I would be concerned about their backs from how far they would have to bend down to kiss me 😭😭😭 like 5’ 7 already makes me stand on my tiptoes- so please. Give me a short king. GIVE ME YAKU. But also at the same time I love these men and would NEVER say no if they took me out]

NO I MUST STAY STRONG. I MUSN’T JOIN THE SELF SHIPPING HOURS ❗️❗️❗️❗️

I have failed! I’M JOINING. AND IT’S FRIDAY WHERE I’M AT SO. HAH!

I need Love Notes! Osamu religiously (you can determine what that means).

MAC N CHEESE WITH ORANGE JUICE IS EVIL. Like I already don’t like orange juice (apple juice anon for life [please don’t start a war I’m not fighting. If you like orange juice then like orange juice. I just don’t] <3). In all honesty I’m not that much of a pranker however. 😏 I AM an enabler. I’m the brains and Osamu is the one who executes the plan. I sit there and hand him things.

Speaking of self ship Friday I’ll ask and answer some questions!

Favorite couple thing you guys do?

Me + Love Notes! Osamu enjoy baking our own like fruit bars to eat during movie marathons. What do you and Suna like to do?

Favorite kind of hug?

I’m partial to a back hug but I think that’s bcs my friends do it so often to me. Like arms around waist, chin on head, 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ little head kiss? Heaven.

Do you guys play video games together? If so what do you play and how?

I would force Love Notes! Osamu to play Stardew Valley bcs I have an addiction and everyone I love must play with me at some point (I got my grandma to play, she was very disappointed that she couldn’t romance Gus or the Wizard which really for that). Osamu def tries to blow up the character I’m trying to romance. 😔😔😔😔 But he also probably grinds the mines so I can have pretty rocks. What’s your favorite game to play with Suna?

And the self shipping section of our night comes to a close folks. Tune in next week for more with Bakery Anon and Ness! <3

I think a man (Suna, Osamu, Sakusa. OIKAWA.) sending me a photo of him all bloodied up and smirking I would gen faint. Like swoon. “Is that the light I see? Is it getting closer?” Like I want pathetic beat up men while they’re also able to manhandle me and throw me over their shoulder if they really wanted to. Is that too much to ask???

MANGO ANON <3333 OMG I LOVE THEM!!! I LOVE READING THEIR YAP SESSIONS THEY FILL ME WITH JOY!!!! <3333 mango anon if you’re reading this I love you, keep being silly and full of whimsy <333

OIKAWA IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME. Like I relate to him on a level I don’t even understand. Can I just work on how I ABSOLUTELY ADORED BINARY STARS. I THINK IT WAS ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS I READ WHEN I MADE THIS ACCOUNT. IT WAS DELECTABLE AND I ENJOYED EVERY MINUTE OF IT. I’m not gonna lie, when I get bored Oikawa is who I draw. He is my comfort drawing character. When I try something new for art but need to draw something to test it on I draw him 🧍🏻‍♀️ not everyone is made equal.

Oikawa as a side character in smau’s is so satisfying because he’s usually there with Hinata causing chaos and I love them. Oihina friendship dynamic fills me with such joy. They’re so WHIMSY (yes this is my favorite word rn besides “very cutesy. Very mindful. Very demure.”) I agree though, he’s a very good side character. If he was the main character I don’t think the story (hq) would have the same feel (no duh) like I think it would feel a lot more serious and angsty. Oikawa can be a main character but he’s such a good like foil??? Is that the right word- for Kageyama that he’s the perfect side character.

Like the way both of them work so hard to reach their goals and still somehow fail before they reach them (beating Shiratorizawa and then Kageyama having a team that trusts them so they can win) but eventually they overcome those hardships and get their goals. Does Oikaw beat Shiratorizawa? No and yes, he doesn’t physically beat them no. But he beats them because he gets over his mental challenge of not thinking he’s even good enough to try to beat them. He wins because he starts believing in himself. And Kageyama gets Karasuno (and Hinata) where he learns to trust them and learns it’s okay to fall back on people and you don’t have to do it all on your own (a lesson Oikaaa has to learn too-) and they go to Nationals.

DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE WHOLE “b-but he abused Kageyama 🥺🥺🥺” like stfu. Oikawa was a MIDDLE SCHOOLER. LIKE 14-15 HAVING A PANIC ATTACK. Everyone likes to talk about “Oh just feel your emotions it’s okay to have them.” Until someone having a mental break does something that someone does on a breakdown. Like Oikawa was a child who wasn’t thinking clearly, you can see him literally panic during when he tries to hit Kageyama and then after he just kind of shuts down. STOP BLAMING A MIDDLE SCHOOLER FOR HAVING A PANIC ATTACK AND RESPONDING IN A WAY THAT SOMEONE NOT THINKING CLEARLY WOULD RESPOND.

SORRY ENOUGH YAPPING ABOUT OIKAWA BCS I FEAR I WILL NEVER STOP IF I DON’T NOW.

Okay! HAVE A GOOD DAY!!!!

For everyone who made it this far: I want you to know you’re loved. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of your desires, you deserve to be loved the way you want to be loved. Whether that be in the small hours of the morning or in the loud evening lights. You deserve love, you deserve food, you’re beautiful. If no one else tells you today. I love you!

For Ness: YOU’RE WONDERFUL. THANN YOU FOR YAPPING WITH ME AND MATCHING MY ENERGY. I’m so sorry this ask is so long- I’ll be back to yap about try again later!!!! Your writing is lovely and I finally have time to read it!!! <3333 go have a little snack you deserve it. I hope you sleep well <3

<3

-sincerely bakery anon 🍪

BUG I AM FINALLY HERE OMG I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO THANKFUL FOR DMS BC I WOULD'VE CRIED IF I HADN'T BEEN ABLE TO TALK TO YOU FOR LIKE TWO WEEKS!!!! <3 AND NO OMG I GET ALL OF THOSE ANXIETIES 😭😭😭 ESPECIALLY THE ONES ABOUT AN ASK GETTING EATEN OR IF I FORGOT TO TURN ON ANON!!!! and dw i don't have a life outside of tumblr 😔😔😔😔😔 i am just forced to have responsible human duties aka school!!! but it's not by choice!! </333

omg bug i cannot cannot cannot tell you how excited i am to read this ask like i keep reading bits of it and hearing about buggykawa AND I AM SHAKING!!!!

and aa the moving into the basement sounds so so fun and nice!! i definitely get like the extra room and everything <3 i cannot remember how much i told you but for a little bit i lived with my sister who was rooming with a friend in a house so they got the top floor and she got the basement and it was really nice!!! and i would move into my basement in my house now but my dad basically uses it as his closet and i don't like the bed down there 😭 but it's okay!!! my room is a little cozy too so i don't mind it <3

AND OMG DW I KNOW WHAT DIRTY ROOMS FEEL LIKE </33 I'M SURE I'VE ALREADY MENTIONED THIS BUT I JUST THROW EVERYTHING ONTO MY FLOOR AND DESK WHEN I GET HOME </33 there's like two bags on my floor at all time for when i go out, a random ziplock bag i always slip on, a camera bag, a trashcan in the way of my dresser (the TOP of my dresser is stacked with clothes) my desk is a mess of scripts and random stationery, and my chair has an unfolded blanket that bothers me so much!! (i promise my room is cozy!! i feel like as i describe my room it sounds worse than it really is but it lowk is that bad SO I GET IT DON'T WORRY) SO I WOULD GLADLY HELP YOU!! I'M ACTUALLY ON THE WAY NOW DON'T WORRY 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

and oh my god what??????????????? your english teacher?????? please bug please i need to go to your school please let me transfer schools PLEASE HE SOUNDS SO NICE like the exquisite music taste?? the fairy lights?? the COFFEE MACHINE??? THE FACT THAT HE WASHES YOUR MUG FOR YOU GUYS?? okay and see this is why i am fighting professions rn bc i want to be a teacher and have a cozy room but i really really want to go into psychology too I CAN'T </333 your english teacher sounds so so sweet!!! please i'll do anything i want him so bad omg i'm crying </3 like genuinely felt a pang of???? sadness?? READING ABOUT HOW COMFY HIS ROOM SOUNDS WHY IS MY SCHOOL FILLED WITH DRUGGY KIDS WHO SNORT COCAINE OFF THEIR DESKS RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEIR TEACHERS 😔😔😔😔😔😔 (true story. i cannot even make that up. i have nothing else to say abt it.)

and aa your classes sound so fun!! i have college algebra second semester but i'm so ready/excited for (hopefully) how easy it's going to be bc last year i fought for my life in trig/pre-calc (THE ONLY CLASS I'VE EVER GOTTEN A B IN IT MADE ME SO MAD AND I WAS SO CLOSE TO AN A BUT I DIDN'T DO AMAZING ON THE FINAL AND I HAD TO BE AT AN 88% OR HIGHER FOR HER TO ROUND MY GRADE AND MY FINAL BROUGHT ME DOWN TO LIKE AN 86 OR SOMETHING 😔😔😔 but i've kept my 4.0 thanks to ap classes <33) AND CRIMINOLOGY IS FUN!! i knew some people who took it last year and they had a blast <3 this semester i have english, sociology, tech theatre, i'm a ta for my acting director teacher, and econ!!! so it's a mix of good and bad classes </3 like econ sucks but i have an amazing teacher who was also my teacher for ap psych last year!!! english kind of sucks, i really actually didn't want to take tech theatre this year but i have to bc i'm basically like in charge of our tech department tbh 😔and i love being a ta for my acting director!! (i tried to be one for him last year but basically i walked into his office which he shares with my tech director and my tech director was the only one there and i asked him where my acting director [we'll call him G to make this easier and my tech director is W] was and W was like "he's not here today. just be a ta for me." and i was like "okay 😃" WORST DECISION OF MY LIFE THAT MAN WORKED ME TO THE BONE being his ta basically meant i was in both tech theatre classes [where we build the sets and i have to carry the lighting department on my back, etc.] BUT i only got like 0.25 credits for it i think?? while taking the actual tech class was 0.5 credits </33 so i really burned myself out last year BUT ANYWAY)

AND NO I TOTALLY GET IT I'M SO SCARED OF PLANES TOO!!! like the way especially that they start all shaky and everything and it just feels so unreal being in one in a bad way they scare me so bad!!! and like i randomly got forced to go on an impulse trip with my mom and her parents on a cruise to Mexico???????? which is WORSE BC I'M TERRIFIED OF WATER!!! the only reason i'm excited to go is bc my mom's parents are the one who just gifted me a camera (and why there's a camera bag on my bedroom floor) AND I AM SO SO EXCITED TO USE IT AND LIVE OUT MY LOVE NOTES YN LIFE!!!!! but other than that i'll permanently be locked away in my room praying that the cruise ship doesn't randomly stop working and i die </33 i'm so scared tbh aaaa

AND OH NO SO LIKE DO YOU NOT EVEN HAVE TO TAKE A SENIOR PHOTO??? i'm so jealous of how many colors you've dyed your hair!!!! my mother's pitch black asian hair definitely ruined all my dreams of having colorful hair 😔😔😔 i just stick to like red highlights bc i think they suit me and it's the only color my hair will maintain!! 😭

AND NO OMG I GET IT 😭 SOMETIMES I THINK ABOUT THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THOSE MEN AND ME AND LIKE BRO I AM MAYBE JUST BARELY 5'3 AND IT TOOK ME 4 YEARS TO GROW THAT INCH BC BEFORE THAT I HAD THIS MOMENT IN 7TH GRADE WHERE MY DOCTOR TOLD ME I WAS BASICALLY 5 FOOT AND COULD EVEN LIE AND SAY I WAS 5'1 AND THEN I GOT MEASURED AT SCHOOL AND THEY WERE LIKE "lmao no. you're 4'11 pookie" SO I DID NOT GET ANY OF THE HEIGHT GENES I THINK THE VOLLEYBALL BOYS STOLE ALL MINE 😔😔😔 AND I DEFINITELY AGREE WITH YOUR FRIEND WHO SAID WHO YOU COULD PULL!!! ALTHOUGH I THINK YOU COULD ALSO PULL OIKAWA <3 like i think he'd be a sucker for someone super sweet!! especially if they like baked for him yk?? HE'S SOLD he's never been in a kitchen in his life but for you?? he'll happily stand there all day just watching you with a look of love in his eyes <333

AND HELP I LOVE HOW YOU TRIED TO RESIST SELF SHIPPING 😭😭😭 BUT I'M SO GLAD YOU FAILED!!! WELCOME TO THE CLUB BUG <33333

and dw!! i actually don't really like any juices 😭😭 like orange juice is too tangy and sweet and citrusy and pulpy for me (i am so so picky) and apple juice is WAY too sweet for me (apples lowk make me feel sick anyway for some reason?? i think i was just not built for sweet things anyway unfortunately </33)

AND AW THE FRUIT BARS TOGETHER?? okay please and thinking about you and osamu like going to the grocery store together too to like buy the ingredients you need and he's always following you around holding the basket for you </3 and the both of you knowing how to pick out good produce and everything like that <3 LIKE YOU GUYS WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER AND COMPLEMENT EACH OTHER SO WELL IT'S SO SO CUTE!!!

for suna and me i think we just like lazing around or rotting in cafes all day <3 like we'll steal booths (my favorite cafe which i'm at now has little booth benches!!) and sit next to each other and just lean on each other watching movies or doing our own work the entire day <333 and even when we go out to restaurants we lowk like sitting next to each other more than sitting across from each other!! and ik most couples like sitting across from each other to like see each other but if he wants to see me and i'm not looking at him he'll just hold the side of my face and turn me towards him anyway <3 (our servers always get sick of us by the end </3)

AND NO HUGS FROM BEHIND ARE SO SO SOFT AND ADORABLE AND WARM AND I LOVE THEM TOO!!! and i know like them being from osamu?? he'd literally have to hold me up bc my knees would turn to jelly and give out being in his arms </3

AND OMG I LOVE STARDEW VALLEY TOO <3 I AM DEF MAKING SUAN PLAY WITH ME AND WE CAN HAVE BUGMU SUNESS STARDEW VALLEY CO OP NIGHTS!! <3333 you're so real for making everyone play too like i've bought sdv for three friends at this point i think?? bc i love it so much and i just want other people to play it too!! YOUR GRANDMA TRYING TO ROMANCE GUS/THE WIZARD IS SO REAL 😭😭 i love giving gifts to gus!! like that man fr deserves the world <3 I CAN IMAGINE OSAMU TRYING TO BLOW UP WHOEVER YOU TRY TO ROMANCE AND LIKE GUS/THE SALOON TOO 😭 simply bc he's like "i could make a better restaurant like let me build an onigiri miya here rn!!!!" also imagining osamu coming home from the mines at like 1 am bc you've been yelling at him to get back before 2 am for the past 10 minutes and he's just like "but i needed to get u pretty rock!! <3" i am in love with u guys. i am the #1 bugmu stan for life

BUG WE HAVE TO DO SELF SHIP TUESDAY OR WEDNESDAY LIKE I CANNOT!!! I NEED TO HEAR MORE ABOUT YOU GUYS OMG <3

and me too completely omg the duality of a man??? pathetic but can manhandle me?? like i'm turning into putting in a man's arms i'm ngl he can have his way with me i am so down bad for suna hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I LOVE MANGO ANON TOO!!! MANGO ANON IF YOU'RE READING THIS BUG AND I ARE STARTING A MANGO ANON FAN CLUB!!!!!! WE'RE YOUR BIGGEST FANS WE LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH <33

AND OMG I'M GLAD YOU LIKED BINARY STARS 😭😭 BC IT WAS FR JUST A TEST RUN BUT THAT MAKES ME HAPPY TO HEAR!! and i wish i could draw!! i would totally draw oikawa if i could but i think it'd end up looking like a really disfigured pinwheel or hazelnut or someting idk BUT EITHER WAY I WOULD NEVER EVEN TRY TO DRAW HIM BC I WOULD BUTCHER IT 😭😭 I WAS NOT BUILT FOR DRAWING

AND YES FOIL IS THE RIGHT WORD!! and i totally get what you mean!! like he is such a perfect side character and i would love to be on the sides with him yk <3 like what's that margaret atwood quote about not being the people written about on paper but in the white spaces on the edges of paper?? that's oikawa and me <33 i love him so much just the way he is!! he's absolutely perfect and i love how he's always causing chaos <3

AND YES OMG OIKAWA MENTALLY BEATING SHIRATORIZAWA BECAUSE HE GREW INTO HIMSELF AND LIKE WHO HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE :(( EVENTUALLY FINDING HIS PLACE IN LIFE IS GOING TO MAKE ME CRY!!!! AND SO REAL!!!!! LIKE I LOVE KAGEYAMA TOO BUT I WILL NOT ACCEPT ANY STAN WHO DOESN'T LIKE OIKAWA BC HE WAS MEAN TO KAGEYAMA OR WHATEVER like take one good look at tsukki and yams and tell me you hate tsukki bc he's mean LIKE IK IT'S A DIFFERENT DYNAMIC BUT JUST!! YOU GET WHAT I MEAN!! BEING MEAN TO SOMEONE AND ESPECIALLY WHEN OIKAWA WAS A MIDDLE SCHOOLER AND GOING THROUGH A LOT IS NOT A VALID REASON TO NOT LIKE SOMEONE!!!

BUT BUG OMG I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I HOPE YOU'RE HAVING A WONDERFUL DAY!! FORGIVE ME FOR HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO GET AROUND TO ANSWERING THIS BUT I AM SO SO GLAD THAT I AM FINALLY ANSWERING IT!!!! YOU ARE SO LOVELY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BUG YOU DESERVE FOOD AND ALL THE LOVE AND ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING GOOD IN THE WORLD!! I LOVE YAPPING WITH YOU AND IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY TO YAP WITH SOMEONE ABOUT SELF SHIPS AND OIKAWA AND JUST EVERYTHING OMG YOU'RE THE ABSOLUTE BEST AND I AM FOREVER THE NO. 1 BUGMU STAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM PRESIDENT OF THE BUGMU AND MANGO ANON FAN CLUBS!!!!! NO ONE CAN OVERTHROW ME!!!! <3333 I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BUG <333

[mhdiaries]

Wave 1 Clawdeen Wolf Diary

*kindly sent in by @fedorasquidwithglasses*

July 14th

I got up late so there was no hot water left then I cut myself shaving this morning cause my razor was dull and I was in a hurry to get out of the freezing water but amazingly enough the day actually went down hill from there… Later on Crescent, the alpha kitty, must have sensed my mood cause instead of spending the night prowling around her curled up in my lap and kept me company while I sorted through my funk.

July 15th

It rained today. I hate the rain. It totally caused my hair to poof out and I was not about to spend the rest of the day looking like a were-poodle. So I grabbed a pair of electric clippers and 15 minutes later I had new ‘do. It’s short, scary cute and perfectly wolfish. I think I’ll keep it for a while or at least until this rain goes away. I have decided that when I control my own fashion empire I’m going to have a stylist on call just for rainy days.

August 4th

I hate, hate, hate! Sharing a room with my sister. Howleen totally growls in her sleep, she wears my clothes and she got sprayed by a skunk last week which means that every time she takes a bath, which isn’t often, it stinks up the whole room. I’d hope she gets fleas but she’d just spread them to me.

August 7th

I’ve got to get serious about planning what I’m going to wear on the first day of school this year. I mean it’s not like I’m worried about some monster showing up and looking more fabulous than me but I feel obligated to set the bar for everyone else. Last year on the first day of school I caused a minor traffic jam just walking across the school parking lot. Its going to be hard to top that but I’ve been experimenting with some new hair styles and I’m considering just asking for a school assembly so that crowd control won’t be a problem.

August 10th

I tried a new hair remover made especially for werewolves. The label says it will totally eclipse unwanted hair and it’s supposed to keep you hair-free for a week…not. It’s expensive, it stings worse than wolfs bane and I still have to shave twice a day! What a rip…I could have used that money for a new belt.

August 15th

Spent the day at Draculaura’s. She’s the absolute sweetest BMFF ever! Although if she doesn’t stop trying to feed me tofu I’m going to bite her j/k ;p. She has like rooms and rooms of clothes. It’s like a fashion museum. So awesome! She always says that we’re going to pick out clothes to give Ghoul Will but she always gives most of them to me. I pretend I don’t need them but with so many brothers and sisters it’s not like there’s a lot of extra money to go around for new fashions. I guess we must have gotten a little loud though cause we woke up her dad. He doesn’t really like werewolves very much but he tolerates me cause I’m friends with Draculaura. Whatever. It’s not like I want to hang out with him either. Anyway, the best thing about Draculaura is that she doesn’t give me clothes because she feels sorry for me, she does it because she’s my friend.

August 19th

When to The Maul with Clawd today. He needed a new football and I needed to get some ideas for my next hair style. While I was there I saw the strangest thing. I was walking past the Witches Kitchen supply store and saw Deuce Gorgon reading a cookbook! I yelled “Yo Deuce, trying to find a recipe for snake?” He dropped the cookbook and looked all embarrassed; at least I think he was. It’s hard to tell what’s going on behind those glasses. I think he would have tried to stone me but Clawd walked up and Deuce chilled. Sometimes it’s cool to have the toughest guy in the school on your side. Thanks bro!

August 21st

If I were a mad scientist, the hairstyle experiment I tried today would be locked away in the lab never to see the light of day again. I flat ironed my hair so it was straight and then I razor cut it. As soon as the curl came back things got ugly. Even Howleen felt sorry for me. It’s a good thing I’m the werewolf equivalent of Rapunzel and my hair will be grown out by the end of the week or I’d be wearing a hat until Halloween.

August 23rd

Draculaura tried to talk me into trying out for the Fearleading squad again. Puhh..leeze. A list of why I’m not a fearleader:

1. I don’t “try out” for anything. 2. I wouldn’t be caught human in those uniforms. 3. -8. Boring and Cleo de Nile 4. While they’re yelling for the boys I’m in the stands flirting with the boys. 5. Boring and Cleo de Nile

I have thought about trying out just to show I could make the team but then I look at my list again and it reminds me why I don’t’ want to.

August 25th

Hung out an the Maul with Draculaura and met a new girl named Frankie Stein. She was shopping with her mom and fortunately for Frankie they ran into us. Otherwise she would have started the first day of school dressed like the Bride of Lame-n-stein. Frankie’s beautiful, and sweet but bit naïve. Fortunately, I’m here to make sure she gets properly educated in the ways of the fierce fashionista.

September 5th

Our annual End of Summer family boo-b-que was today. Mmmmm… fat juicy steaks for everybody. Except for Draculaura of course. She brought tofu dogs, veggie burgers and a human boy named Jackson Jekyll. She’ll always be my BMFF and the sweetest monster ever but ghoulfriend makes some strange choices. Anyway, I could tell he was really nervous, and what human surrounded by werewolves wouldn’t be, until Clawd started talking about football and then the two of them kinda hit it off. I think Draculaura is major league crushing on this guy.

September 6th

I know most monsters are probably dreading starting school but not me. I want to learn as much as I can so that I’ll be totally prepared when I start building my fashion empire. If for nothing else than to be able to move out of the house and get my own place without having to share everything with all my brothers and sisters. Oh no! I think I smell Howleen in the shower! Why couldn’t I have been an only wolf?

[otherworldseekers]

FFXIVwrite 2023 prompt 12: Dowdy

So this is the first scene of a new Severia x Nero au that invaded my dreams last night. I'm still thinking out the details but the setting is Eorzea but with some of the trappings of the modern day. It's a sort of university/fun with fantasia au where Severia is a 21-year-old university student majoring in music theory and composition. Tataru is her roommate who is a music performance major with an economics minor. It's toward the end of the second semester so Tataru has a recital coming up.

Hope you find this little hook interesting.

“Severia, please tell me that is not what you’re wearing to the recital,” Tataru said in a voice half awed, half disgusted. 

“What’s wrong with it? It’s comfy.” Severia spun and her long wool skirt moved stiffly with her.

“It’s dowdy. Do you want to be dowdy?” 

“Um.. I’m guessing I’m supposed to say no.”

“You’re a young woman in college! And you dress like an old lady! What is wrong with you?”

It wasn’t the first time they’d had such a discussion. Tataru was a well-known fashion maven around campus. Severia was the one no one noticed and generally she liked to keep it that way. Tonight, however, she had agreed to play piano accompaniment for Tataru’s voice recital. Which meant she would be on stage in front of a crowd. Not the in spotlight, granted, but there for all to see nonetheless. The last thing she wanted was for her clothes to draw attention to herself. 

“You’d be pretty if you just let yourself.” Tataru put a finger against her lower lip as she looked at Severia thoughtfully. “You know… I think I might have just the thing for you to get over this horror of being seen.”

Severia took an apprehensive step away from her roommate. “What?”

Tataru dug around in her purse until she produced a small glass bottle with a flourish. “This is apparently the latest thing to come out of the experimental chemistry lab. You know Wedge’s roommate is a chem major.”

Severia nodded. Wedge was Tataru’s boyfriend, an engineering major. 

“Well, they’re looking for people willing to try it out. It’s totally safe!” Tataru promised when Severia’s eyes widened in fright. “They’re just trying to refine the effects.”

“What does it do?” Severia asked skeptically. 

“It changes you,” Tataru pronounced with a gleeful smile. “You can become a whole other person. Gender, race, looks, height, boob size, anything! Imagine being up there on stage looking totally different. No one would recognize you. You can make yourself even more gorgeous than Minfilia! Annnnd I can get my friends in the costuming department to make some last minute adjustments to the dress I got for you to wear.” This last was said in decided triumph.

“Tataru, I told you not to.”

“Yes, well, you should have known I wouldn’t listen,” Tataru said smugly. “And don’t tell me the fantasia’s not tempting. I can see right through you.”

Severia bit her lip. It was tempting. She had always had a secret desire to be some other kind of person. Someone tall and beautiful, cool and confident in any situation, someone who knew what she wanted from life and wasn’t afraid to grasp it. Someone who wouldn’t ruin her friend’s recital by getting stage fright. Could a chemical concoction really do that for her? There was only one way to find out. 

“Fine. I’ll try it. Just for tonight.”

[bihansthot]

In a non self ship update, Ani has been sending me spicy/flirty basically sexts all day he’s so in trouble when I get a hold of him. He’s not having a great mental health day so I won’t see him until Saturday or Sunday but he made sure to get me worked up. He still hasn’t decided if he’ll come to my birthday party I don’t know if party is the right word if a max of three people show up but maybe he will? It would certainly be nice having both the people I care about celebrate turning 800 million. I wish you lovelies could come celebrate with me. 🩷 I understand if he’s uncomfortable though he and my partner have never met so it’s an awkward situation. Hilariously after chatting with Ani I got an ad for an Anakin statue on Facebook and I thought it was very funny and apropos. I have a busy week of stupid lab work and doctor’s appointments next week before my actual bday on Friday, and we still haven’t booked anything yet. We’re planning on doing a Vegas in Detroit weekend because we can’t afford to go to Vegas and I’ve wanted to go for years so we’re doing the next best thing and going to the casino in downtown and staying the night if we can find boarding accommodations for Denny. I know some of you are like “Sol you’ve had months to plan this” yes we have but we had to save up money and get Denny up to date on his vaccines to be able to board him so we can’t book anywhere until tomorrow afternoon after his vet annual. So it’s all kind of last minute. Hopefully we’ll find someplace and if not we’ll just have a quiet birthday at home, my big plans for my 25th heart transplant anniversary never went anywhere so it wouldn’t really surprise me if my milestone bday doesn’t work out either my bday rarely goes well but that’s just life I guess. Either way we should still be able to have a nice dinner which is what I’m really excited about, even though I can’t eat a lot anymore. I’m only 35-40 mins from the casino so really I can go anytime if it doesn’t work out I just thought it’d be fun to have an irresponsible staycation somewhere fancy. I just wanted us all to have a fun time but I suppose we’ll see what the universe has in store for us. I really never thought I’d see this bday as I was supposed to die as a kid so it’s kind of a huge deal I just hope it’s a fun one, my last big milestone bday was my worst ever (long story short my Mother and I had a very toxic relationship at the time, she got shit faced insisted it was her bday and ruined the whole occasion) so as long as it’s better than that we’ll be good. I unofficially celebrated my bday when I was with my family earlier this week and had my favorite cake but much to my dismay my nephews were not fans of it but they loved my cooking and begged my brother to get lessons from me so that was nice. How do an 8 and 10 year old not like a caramel chocolate cake?! I guess the pecans were the problem they don’t have allergies they just don’t like nuts I guess. They’re very picky and light eaters but I guess that’s expected at that age, hell I’m a billion and am still very picky but it’s a texture issue for me not a taste one. All in all the visit was successful but my partner never got a chance to tell their Mom they’re nonbinary and use they/them pronouns and have a new name. The drive was awful, we got a speeding ticket on the way to my partner’s Mom’s and had insane traffic and weather driving back from my folks in Florida, turns out Denny barks incessantly when the windshield wipers are on 😭 We made it safely though so that’s what’s most important, I haven’t made any weight loss progress though because of all the holiday food and lack of exercise. No excuses now that my routine is back to normal, back to the elliptical and healthy foods. Just figured I’d update you lovelies on what’s going on with me, I’ll post later in the week after my cardiologist appointment to keep y’all up to date with that too. Sending lots of love.

XOXO

Sol

[aemiron-main]

the creel sequences making me insane today <<<<<333333 I’m on my last braincell trying to piece this shit together. There’s so much weird shit going on like what the fuck!!!!

Why does Henry seem to have some sort of sheet over his body but not covering his face when Victor gets arrested??? And why doesn’t Alice seem to have one?? She doesn’t seem to, it seems like we can still see the purple of her dress.

And sure they put sheets over dead bodies but a.) they didn’t cover Henry’s face which they usually do with dead bodies, and b.) HENRY WASNT FUCKING DEAD!!!!!!!!! Why the fuck didn’t they immediately get him medical attention??? There’s THREE cops there, one of which is just standing in the bg and there’s supposedly and in-a-coma child on the floor in critical condition and they just. Put a sheet over him from the neck down?? And just left him laying on the floor, sheet or not???? They didn’t get one of the cops to take him to a hospital??? The ambulance didn’t show up?? Did they think he was dead?? Why?? Like sure there’s not much they can do if he’s laying there unconscious but I feel like the priority should be getting him to a hospital??? Idk it just seems bizarre.

And the scene of victor getting arrested is weird in and of itself for a TON of reasons but one thing that’s weird about it is that it’s not a memory Nancy is seeing- not only was Henry supposed to be unconscious for this scene and therefore wouldn’t even have a memory to show Nancy, but Nancy also isn’t visible in the background. When victor was cradling Henry and Nancy was watching the memory, Nancy was standing in front of the door. Now? She’s not in the shot at all.

This scene of the arrest seems to be Henry’s approximation/imagining of what happened. It’s only being shown to the audience, it’s not a scene that’s being shown to Nancy- and there’s other scenes during the creel sequences that are like this too, ones that play between scenes Nancy is seeing but that she definitely didn’t see (ie one specific shot of Henry in the attic that Nancy 100% did not see) .

And another weird as fuck thing about this scene is the fact that looking at the creel crime scene photos in the newspaper, there’s a.) blood or the bed and b.) Victor’s initials written in blood on the wall. And yet, when Max and Lucas etc explore the creel house, the bedsheets are messy, but have no blood, and the bloody initials on the wall arent present anywhere either.

And yet another weird thing: they didn’t show us Victor’s memories of getting arrested. He doesn’t talk about it at all. It’s such a strange way for ST to present this to us- why not simply show us Victor’s memories of being arrested during his retelling? Why take the bizarrely long and complicated route of “us seeing victor get arrested supposedly during Henry’s memory sequence but he was unconscious and doesn’t even have these memories so it’s just his best approximation and also Nancy Was seeing his memories but isn’t seeing this one, only the audience is seeing it”?

And yet ANOTHER weird thing that I mentioned the other day: who the hell called the cops? Did Victor call them on himself? If so, did they just. Not notice the bizarre lack of blood on the walls despite that later being used as evidence to convict Victor? Why didn’t they immediately take Henry for medical attention? I’m not convinced that the whole “victor gets arrested,” scene actually happened the way we’ve been led to think it did. I think there’s way more at play here, including Brenner’s presence and the lab in general’s presence (because how the hell did Brenner get ahold of Henry after the murders anyway?) and I think that this scene of Victor getting arrested is likely Henry’s best guess at what happened.

And also- it’s so strange to me that during the scene at the dinner table in the sequence with Nancy/Henry’s memories, Henry talks as if he was acting in self defense, as if he had no choice but to act, and that it was almost spur of the moment. But then, the next second, he’s acting like he planned it all out when he’s talking about victor being arrested. But if he supposedly planned it all out, then why did he a.) look confused when the radio turned on during the sequence with Nancy and b.) during Victor’s memories sequence, why did he look scared at the door & why was he doing nervous hand motions?

Anyway! The creels make me insane and I need to finish the full analysis!

[skynighnine]

Accomplice

Aha. There it was. Jude lay crouched close to the lab door, peering into the hallway one last time. ‘Look both ways’, she thought, though her heart pushed impatiently toward the finish line. Swiftly, she invited herself in. She sighed, slumping against the entrance she had strained all night to reach. What a way to spend the first day. Jude steadied herself as a slow smirk tugged at her lips; was this a testament to her inner valiance or her unearthed inanity? Perhaps a bit of both.

Suddenly, she stopped. She held her breath. What was that? A rustle from behind snapped her straight upright and led to a turn. Jude found she faced…unwelcome company. A moment passed. “Ack!” the girl shot down, the teacher’s desk a shoddy shield to her petite figure. Great. Who would the headmistress believe: the student council president or the scruffy new kid with a criminal record? “Hello?” Jude tried. If anything, this unsavoury witness seemed eager for a fright. “D-don’t come near me!” she squeaked, voice trembling. Was she...crying?

“Are you, uh, okay?” Not really how Jude expected to be addressing her now-enemy, the likes of which then cleared her throat. “What are you doing here?” Jude could ask the same of her. “Forgot something,” she muttered. “You?” 

The girl—Melissa?—sniffed, weakly echoing, “Forgot something...” What conviction thou hast, Misha. Jude inched closer. “Did something happen?” 

“No. Yes? I don’t want to talk about it.” She didn’t sound like she wanted to do much of anything, really. It was familiar, sort of—like the way Jude felt the first time she stepped foot in this place. She hesitated. “Do you want to talk about something else?” 

Quietly, the fellow intruder shifted behind her barricade, breathing out, “Like what?” Jude stepped closer—“Don’t!”—and took a seat at the other side of their partition. “Oh…” 

Jumpy, much? “I’ve heard you’re not bad with some mitts and an oven.” It’s the only thing Jude knew about her, this including, evidently, her name. “Baking? I-I guess. I’m not much of a sweet tooth. I only started because of my brother.” 

“Why’d you stick with it?” 

The girl paused. “It helps me breathe.”

“Funny.” 

“Laugh at me all you want! What do you know?!” 

“Pipe down!” Jude hissed. Jumpy and feisty. What a weirdo. “It’s a coincidence, I mean. Reminds me of how I feel about my—about what I do.” 

“Which is…?” Marina thought for a bit. “Are you talking about that sketchbook?” What?

“Oh, sorry! I just saw you scribbling something in class and couldn’t help but take a peak.” Again, what?

“It was nice. What you drew.”

Jude stiffened, drumming her fingers lightly on the floor. “Yeah, s'nice. Drawing, I mean. Fun. Feels different.” It helps her breathe.

“Maybe you could show me sometime.”

"W-well, if... See, there's something I'm trying to find."

What started as a solo mission earned Jude a sidekick in Little Miss President of all people, and it seemed a new mission had arisen: uncover whether this supposed ally can take on another’s secrets, and what of her own she dares not unmask. Secondary mission:

ask for her name.

[purplehairedwonder]

Chapter 1062: Satellites

It feels like we’re getting back to some classic One Piece humor with this new arc, and I’m enjoying it.

Let’s start with the cover story.

So, we had the two intruders at Chocolat Town back in chapter 1046. Looks like one of them was Kuzan. I’m guessing this isn’t Blackbeard’s full crew since we saw the man himself go after Hancock then kidnap Coby. If this cover story is happening around the same time, this might be the other part of that crew, though. After the road poneglyph while Big Mom is away?

On to the chapter!

Robin voices many of the same concerns fandom had after the reveal at the end of last chapter:

And we get confirmation of what many were theorizing: that Vegapunk has “satellite” bodies that he is controlling. It’s interesting that a man of science like Vegapunk would have satellites imbued with emotional personalities -- especially in the wake of the last science-related arc in Whole Cake where Sanji’s brothers had their emotions removed; and we know Judge and Vegapunk worked together in MADS. 

Wait. Are these Vegapunk’s various personality traits removed and placed into the satellites? If so, I wonder if Judge’s work inspired Vegapunk or the other way around.

Hmmmm.

Relating to the name Lilith, I immediately thought of the first wife of Adam and the mother of all demons. That would fit her as the “evil” satellite Vegapunk.

The Straw Hats left behind on the Sunny are under threat from Lilith, but she gets a wakeup call that an Emperor’s crew isn’t going to be easy pickings.

I love these two panels. I love Robin being portrayed alongside Zoro as a badass fighter. That’s my queen right there.

lol @ Sanji and Franky.

And what do you want, Zoro?

Punk 01, Shaka, wants to see the Straw Hats.

Is it because he’s curious about the crew that Kuma used his final wish to protect?

Meanwhile, back with Jinbei and his Devil Fruit eating children...

Confirmation of many theories that Bonney is Kuma’s daughter. We’ve got our princess for the arc, lol.

I can’t help but seeing a parallel between Bonney and Viola from Dressrosa -- a princess becoming a pirate to protect loved ones, assuming Bonney became a pirate to help her father.

Anyway, the small group gets into the lab and finds... food?

Like I said, Dad Jinbei and his children XD

The food’s a hologram, and it seems we’ve switched genres from samurai film to sci-fi.

Also, I was howling at Luffy’s sheer rage at the food not being real. I love him so much.

We meet another Vegapunk satellite: Atlas. This one is supposed to be wrath. 

Atlas, of course, was a Titan in Greek mythology who, after a failed battle against the gods, was condemned to hold the heavens on his shoulders.

Atlas punches one of the holograms, revealing that she has gloves that let her touch light.

This seems like it would be useful in fighting Kizaru. Just a thought.

We also see the machine that makes food. I foresee Sanji being highly offended by this.

And shoutout to this post pointing out the Vega Cola. Who do we know that admires Vegapunk and powers his inventions with cola? Franky gonna have a field day. 

Finally, we see CP0 is on the way to Egghead as well. And guess who’s back!

I’m sure Lucci is much stronger than he was in Enies Lobby, but there’s no way he could fight Luffy now, right?

Considering Lucci is actually questioning the orders to take out Vegapunk, it wouldn’t shock me if we see a shift in allegiances.

(Also, Stussy. Love her.)

Overall, good stuff.

[tatoleee]

(Kaoru from The Gene of AI)

I started watching The Gene of AI on a lark because the premise reminded me somewhat of Detroit: Beyond Human. It's sci-fi, mentions advanced AI, and there's a philosophical transhumanism element, so that falls into my interests somewhere, but totally didn't expect it to approach gender at all. Consider me pleasantly surprised and my interest peaked.

During Episode 2, Risa, Hikaru's assistant, returns to the office to find him giving his friend Kaoru an examination. Due to her obvious interest in him and the fact he's touching Kaoru's chest, this flusters and annoys Risa prompting her to ask him about their relationship later in the episode. Hikaru mentions they are former coworkers, and showing her a picture, Risa is surprised to see Kaoru presenting male. When asked about their gender, Hikaru says if questioned Kaoru would probably say they are neither and muses they are trying to move past these concepts. Also, I am referring to Kaoru using They/Them pronouns because Hikaru does the same and I don't believe it's stated for certain anywhere, at least so far. If this changes, I will update this.

In this world, life has evolved to where humans exist alongside human/machine hybrids with advanced AI. The core story follows Hikaru, a doctor treating the latter, and his exploits. Kaoru is a side character introduced early as his friend still working at the mysterious lab apparently overseeing or otherwise involved with the larger AI happenings of the world. Even though this type of setting is perfect for explorations of gender, you rarely see it. This has always frustrated me about these types of stories. If there was any setting perfect for exploring something like this it's futuristic, sci-fi, and/or cyberpunk worlds. It's infuriating to me there are fantastical universes with interplanetary travel, robots that are basically artificial humans, and even space magic, but gender identity and transitioning between it is never even approached. Though, I suppose that's a rant for another day.

Anyway, I’m not familiar with the source material, so I can’t say one way or the other if it will come up again or be handled respectfully and meaningfully, but I’m hopeful. If I find out it doesn't, I will update this post.

During their initial interaction with Risa, Kaoru mentions body modifications and how their appearance wasn’t always the same. Knowing about their situation, rewatching this interaction holds new meaning. Clearly Kaoru is happier presenting female, describing it as fun, and likes the attention their attractiveness gets from other men. They are happier. While I don’t know the intention of the creators, this reads as joy found after transitioning into their true self. It makes me smile to see things like this in the media I consume.

Of course, I’m worried this will turn into a tragedy or something else equally horrible, but time will tell (or I can go read the manga, I guess). Here’s hoping this isn’t the case. Given how these topics are usually handled, perhaps it’s best if it’s never mentioned again, but I feel so horrible saying that. It's just I worry about again enjoying a piece of media showing a tiny breadcrumb of anything queer only to have it ruined later. Having a clearly Queer series end with the main characters not only surviving but marrying and finding happiness last season may have ruined me. Or perhaps it wasn’t my being ruined, but it proved to me I shouldn’t settle for less. There are queer stories out there. It would be nice if more of them found their way into popular media though without the negative baggage typically forced on them.

Will continue watching this to see where it goes. Also, the queer series I mentioned above was Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch from Mercury. Go watch it, just be warned, if you have abandonment issues like me the end of Episode 17 may traumatize you, but the overall end is worth it.

[foreveralwaysanauthor]

Scattered Screams (Part 2/12)

January 5, 2023

Kiss your loved ones goodbye for you may never see them again.

I had been in the meeting room once before - for Mick. Sadly, it hadn’t changed in the year since I had been there. Unlike most other districts, District 3 is known for being clean and sterile so potential germs and dust can’t ruin the tech we work with. Our homes, on the other hand, aren’t usually held to that standard; we would prefer comfort over cleanliness any day. It seems as though whoever designed the meeting rooms didn’t get that memo. The room is a cold white with accents of gray and silver here and there. One wall is a mirror that I suppose is there to make the room feel larger, but it only makes me feel more enclosed. The furniture in the room is minimal and plain; the chairs and couch are rigid and have very thin cushions, giving them an uncomfortable appearance that makes me feel like even the floor would be more comfortable.

There are no decorations on the walls - or any windows, for that matter - and, despite being practically untouched apart from meeting times every year, the room is free of dust. It smells of bleach and citrus - an awful combination that reeks of sterility. While it reminds me of the chemicals we use to clean the lab every night, the smell combined with the white, cold aesthetic the room possesses almost makes it feel like a hospital room, but far less comforting. Honestly, I probably would have preferred to be sitting in a hospital instead.

Despite wanting to see my family before leaving, I want nothing more than to leave the room and conduct our meetings somewhere else. I find a semi-comfortable spot on the couch while I wait for everyone to come, but the couch is stiff and it doesn't take long for me to move. Resorting to pacing the floor, I find myself feeling claustrophobic in the windowless box of a room. Thankfully, only a few minutes go by before the door opens and my first visitors are allowed in.

Unsurprisingly, my family is the first. My parents look furious, but it’s evident that they’ve been crying. Oliver and Abigail are quick to hug me, but Abby is too busy firing off questions and answering them herself to let Olly talk. “Are you scared?” she asks as she pulls away. “You don’t look it. Did you think this would happen?” I open my mouth to answer and she cuts me off, “I mean, you asked me not to volunteer, so I guess you must have. Is that why you asked me to not volunteer?”

This time, Oliver reaches over and covers her mouth before speaking, “Are you going to let her answer you, or are you just going to keep answering your own questions?”

Abby says a muffled apology and I offer everyone the chance to sit before quietly explaining, “Mick’s parents thought the reaping might be rigged after the stunt they pulled, but they said they would try to find a way to keep me out of it. I guess it didn’t work.”

“Why didn’t you say anything to us?” Mom asks. 

“I only found out last night,” I sigh. “If I thought there was any way around it, I would’ve said something.”

My family sits in silence, taking in what I’ve said. It takes a while, but eventually, my dad sends me a small smile and says, “You seem to be handling this better than the rest of us are.”

A chuckle comes out as I agree, “Yeah, well, I guess I’ve had a bit more time to accept that this could happen.” I smile and say, “Somewhere deep down, I’m terrified. But I know that I have Riven on my side and he’s not afraid to beat up people who come near his friends. We also have two amazing mentors who can get us some great sponsors, so I’m not too worried.”

Oliver’s head falls onto my shoulder as he hugs me from the side. “What about Mick?” he asks softly. “What do we tell her?”

“I’m sure she already knows,” I sigh. After thinking for a moment, I add, “Wait a day or two for the Peacekeepers to leave before you go talk to her. That gives her time to calm down and process things. Ask her if she needs anything - food, water, someone to stay with her, things like that.”

Abby is quick to offer, “I could stay with her.”

“Or she could stay with us,” Mom offers, sharing a look with Dad who nods in agreement. “That way, nobody would question why an empty house in Victor’s Village has the lights on.”

It’s a good idea. Maybe she’ll decide to take my room. Mick is a sentimental sap, she’d probably blather on about how lovely it is to feel so close to me despite being physically far apart. “That’s smart,” I say with a nod. Taking my siblings' hands, I find myself commanding their attention as I say, “When she feels up to it, ask her to train you the way she trained me. It’s never too soon to start and you already have some experience. She’ll like that.”

“What if she doesn’t want to train us?” Oliver asks.

I shrug, “Then I’ll do it if I come back.”

“You’ll come back, Viv,” Dad says, almost as though he’s reassuring himself, not me. “You’re strong, smart, and fast. Your chances are high.”

As much as I want to believe him, I can’t bring myself to. The tributes from the Career districts are almost always bigger, stronger, and have years of training experience under their belts. I have an advantage when it comes to stealth and speed from years of running competitively in school and playing hide and seek with my siblings, but my strength lies in my knowledge, not my muscles. If it comes down to a fistfight, I have a little under a year of training and a slim chance of winning. However, to appease everyone in the room and not show them how I truly feel, I smile and say, “I’ll do my best to make it home.”

There’s nothing more to say as a Peacekeeper opens the door, telling us to wrap it up. My parents look distraught as we stand from our seats, but it’s Abby who grips me first, her arms tight around my ribcage and her boney chin digging into my shoulder. She’s not the overly affectionate type, preferring to give little, handmade gifts than spend five minutes cuddling on the couch, so her embrace surprises me. Oliver soon follows, taking my free side and bringing his arms around my shoulder and Abby’s back. Our parents bring us in, trapping us between them briefly before we are forced to separate. Before leaving, my mom and dad bring me into a final hug and press a kiss on either side of my head.

“We’ll see you as soon as you step off the train, pumpkin,” Dad assures me, running a hand over my hair as he steps away. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” I say in return as he follows my siblings out of the room, leaving me with Mom.

Mom pulls her necklace from around her neck and latches it around mine. It has her and dad’s wedding rings dangling from it and the chain is on the thicker side, but I still worry about it breaking if I’m to wear it in the arena. Mom smiles, pulls me close, and says, “Take a weapon you’re good with in training, hoard food if you can, and make people like you before the Games begin. Find a way to come home to us.”

“I won’t let you down,” I mutter over her shoulder before she pulls back. 

“You could never let me down,” she claims as she takes my face in her hands. “Just know that I love you and, regardless of what happens in the arena, that will never change.”

For the first time in a long time, I have to force myself to hold back tears. I swallow thickly and smile at my mom before saying, “I love you too.” 

Mom takes my hand and squeezes it tightly before walking out of the room. Just like that, I’m alone again. I don’t have much time to be alone with my thoughts as my teammates from work come in. They’re a group you’d never see together if it weren’t for work uniting them. Mac lives in what we call the Dead Zone since there is practically no service out there and hardly anyone lives there. Acer looks like a Capitol citizen with his unnaturally red hair and expensive clothing, but his mom was a hair stylist from the Capitol who fell in love with a citizen from District 3 during a vacation, so that makes him half a citizen of the Capitol and intelligible for the Games. Della, my apprentice, is wheelchair-bound due to a condition she was born with, but that doesn’t stop her from being one of the best workers on our team. 

Acer is younger than me by two days, which I jokingly hold over his head every chance I get, but for some reason, he doesn’t want to joke around today. Mac is the same age as Riven, but with six siblings to take care of, I’m not surprised when the first thing out of his mouth is an apology for not volunteering. Della’s normally calm expression is gone, replaced with a rage I had only ever seen directed at her computer when something doesn’t compute properly, but she manages a small smile as she gives me a box of sweets that her mom made. Her family gives something nice to every tribute, but it still feels like something special.

“Don’t worry about the lab while you’re gone,” Mac assures, as he helps Della lock her wheels in place. “Riven told us where he left his and Mick’s notes on how to run everything.”

I find myself nodding almost robotically. “That’s good. I’m sor-”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence,” Della commands, her dark brown, almost black, eyes pointing daggers my way. “You have no control over this shit.”

A voice on the other side of the door, presumably that of Della’s mother, squawks, “Della Pearl!”

Della’s eyes widen before she rolls them and replies, “Sorry, Amma!”

For the first time since he entered the room, Acer cracks a smile as he nudges the younger girl. “Next time, whisper.”

Mac smacks the back of Acer’s head, earning him a shocked glare from the redhead. Before the two of them can get into it, I let out a chuckle and shake my head, “I’m going to miss you guys.”

Their visit doesn’t last long, but I give them instructions on how to operate my computer and lab equipment and tell them how to find my stash of hidden snacks. Our time is up before I know it and our goodbyes are quick. Della’s mother peers into the room as she takes hold of Della’s wheelchair, waving goodbye to me and wishing me good luck as the door closes. I hear Mac and Acer try to help Della out as her mom tells her off in the hall, but it isn’t long before their voices fade into nothingness. 

I doubt anybody else will come to visit me. My family and friends from work have come and gone. Della’s mom, one of the best bakers in the district, doesn’t visit since she had her daughter deliver the goods she would normally give the tributes. I don’t have a lot of friends since most of my time is spent in the lab or at home. The only other people who would probably visit me are Mick and her parents, but Mick can’t see me because of the numerous Peacekeepers that came from the Capitol during the night, and her parents are my mentors - I’ll see them on the train.

To my surprise, though, the door opens once more and Bissette Cabel, the mayor’s daughter, steps in. She smirks at my look of confusion and sits on the far end of the couch, facing me. Her almost white blonde hair is slicked back in a neat bun at the crown of her skull and her red, velvet dress stands out against the white furniture like a drop of blood in the snow. Bissette and I have rarely spoken due to her being selectively mute, but we’ve spent enough time together to consider ourselves friends. She and her father visited us after Mick’s death in last year’s Hunger Games was announced and she spent a few hours sitting with me, listening to me ramble and offering whatever comfort she could. Since her father told her, Bissette is one of the few people who know that Mick is alive.

Bissette takes my hand and shakes her head as she softly tells me, “It was rigged.”

“I was warned it might be,” I say with a nod.

“Sorry,” she says.

“Don’t be,” I tell her, hoping my small smile is enough to reassure her that I’m fine. “You couldn’t do anything.”

This time, her icy blue eyes find mine and she takes on a serious tone, “I could have volunteered.”

As true as her statement is, I couldn’t imagine Bissette volunteering. It wouldn’t be the first time a mayor’s child entered the Games, but where she has no formal training, no connection to any previously reaped tributes, and the social skills of a flea, her chances of winning the Games would be slim to none. At least I had a mild chance. Ultimately, I decide to say, “I wouldn’t have wanted you to.”

She shrugs and looks away, but the lingering thought that she wanted to volunteer is enough for me. Bissette’s gaze returns to mine as she speaks, “What do I say?” She’s being careful with her words, knowing the Peacekeepers are outside, possibly listening through the thin walls. Her tentative nod to the bracelet on my wrist that Mick had worn in the arena and the faintest raise of her eyebrow tell me exactly what words cannot. What does she say to Mick when she visits her later on?

“Whatever you think is best,” I offer with a shrug. “I’m sure there will be a lot of emotions to sift through, but I’m sure your presence will be enough.”

Bissette nods hesitantly. The idea of going up to a person who had been in the arena and trying to comfort them must be a scary thought, especially for someone who hardly ever spoke to anyone at all. “I’ll try my best,” she says finally as she pushes herself off the couch.

I follow in standing as she reaches up and pulls one of the bejeweled sticks from her bun. She eyes me for a moment before stepping onto one of the couch cushions and directing me to turn with my back to her. Her fingers are cold and quick as she takes the top section of my hair, twists it around the stick, and tucks it into a small knot, leaving the rest of my hair around my shoulders. When I turn to face her again, she’s smiling down at me. Bissette leans down, locks her arms around my shoulders, and sways me side-to-side before stepping down from the couch. 

She gives a solitary nod and says, “It suits you.”

We both know that I won’t be able to wear it in the Games as it can be considered a weapon, but there’s a chance I could wear it for the parade or my interview with Caesar Flickerman. Bissette doesn’t seem to care what I do with it, just so long as I have it. I’ll keep it with me for as long as I can. Maybe, before the Games, I could give it to Mick’s parents for safekeeping. When the Peacekeeper tells her that time is up, Bissette nods once and turns to me, presses a quick kiss to my cheek, and whispers, “Give ‘em hell, Viv.”

I give her a final nod and watch her leave the room, the door sliding shut behind her. I’m left alone for a few minutes, but soon the door opens and I’m brought back into the hall. Riven greets me and we are paraded through the hallways until we reach the fire exit at the back of the building. The sun scalds my eyes as we step outside and Riven has to walk me to the car that’s waiting for us as I’m too busy rubbing my eyes behind my glasses. Riven allows me to get into the car before him and, on the way to the train station, he begins telling me about who all visited him.

“The three dipshits came over while your parents saw you,” he says with a shake of his head, “They came in all guns blazing, going off about how the reaping was rigged until I told them to just sit and talk with me like nothing was going on.”

“Did that work?” I ask, knowing full well how they acted when they were with me.

“Not really,” Riven chuckles. “That half-pint of yours looked ready to rip someone’s head off, but they toned it down a bit.”

I find myself smiling at the thought. “I saw Bissette,” I told him after a brief silence. At his questioning look, I point at my hair and add, “She gave me one of her fancy hair sticks and said to do our best.”

Riven hums, “I’m surprised she said anything. She’s always been quiet as a church mouse.”

We talk for a while about the people who came to see us, but it doesn’t take long before the car is pulling to a stop under the concrete dome that protects the underground train station. I’ve been to the station a few times to help load up deliveries for Districts 5 and 6, but I’ve never been a passenger. We can’t see the trains from the parking zone, we’ll have to go down the long ramp into the underground tunnel where the trains arrive. The lights down there are bright like LED strips and change color depending on circumstance and what district the train is heading for. Usually, a large sign hanging from the ceiling tells us exactly where the train is heading and when it will be leaving just in case someone is colorblind and can’t tell, but most people just rely on the light system. For instance, red or green lights signify incoming and outgoing trains respectively. I had only ever seen the train heading for Districts 5 and 6, turning the color of the lights orange and pale yellow respectively, but this time, the lights are gold for the Capitol and they pulse in and out like a heartbeat. I had never seen it like that before.

When we reach the train, we’re directed to stand and smile for the cameras, letting random photographers take as many pictures of us as they want. Riven keeps his arm around my shoulders as we wait for them to finish, but he makes it a point to quietly crack jokes in my ear so the photographers get genuine smiles and laughter out of both of us. Eventually, we’re allowed inside the train where we find Mick’s parents, Mack and Brady, already waiting. Mack is quick to pull me into a hug, apologizing over and over for not being able to keep me out of the Games, but I assure her that I’ve come to terms with it already. “You shouldn’t have to come to terms with anything, Vivien,” she tells me in a hushed voice, brushing strands of hair from my face as she holds me close. “We thought we had it handled.”

“‘Handled’?” Riven asks.

I feel Mrs. Birch stiffen, almost as though she’d been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Moving away from her just enough for her to see me, I assure her, “It’s alright. He’s a good guy.”

Riven eyes us curiously before asking, “Is this about the reaping being rigged?”

“Do you think it was?” Brady questions.

“Hell yeah,” is Riven’s response. He shakes his head and huffs, “There’s no way they’d reap a pair of siblings unless that family put in for a shitload of tesserae. Viv only had - what? Three or four entries at most? No way it wasn’t rigged.”

Mack slowly nods, releasing me from her grasp and taking her husband’s hand. “We should tell them.”

He nods, sharing a small smile with his wife before gesturing for us to follow them. They lead us into the living room area of the train which far contrasts that of the meeting room I’d been in earlier. The couches are plush and I could find myself crashing on them easily - to hell with the bed that I was supposed to stay in. Decorations, paintings, and bowls of fruit made the place feel like what I assumed the mayor’s house would be like on the inside. Even Mayor Cabel and his family couldn’t ride the train anywhere, though, so I knew this had to either be some kind of Hunger-Games-only type of thing or something for Capitol people to use for fun. Heh… Whoever could afford to ride on this train for fun must’ve been some kind of ultra-rich snob.

Once we’re seated, Mr. Birch begins, “We had a feeling that, after last year’s Games, the Capitol would try to pull something with the reaping.”

“Why?” Riven asks. 

I know why. If the Capitol felt outwitted by three teenagers - technically two teens and one twelve-year-old - they would do anything to take that power back again. What better way than to go back over the previous year’s reaping and reap the people who had been volunteered for? They wanted it to hurt Mick and Miles in case they were still alive, hiding out somewhere. I have to wonder if Miles’ younger brothers were alright. I had spoken to them numerous times after Mick returned to District 3. In a way, I suppose I consider them my friends. It’s only natural that I’m worried about them.

Mack replies, “The Capitol is full of grown men and women who have superiority complexes. They were outsmarted by a twelve-year-old who liked to hide in air ducts.”

“Why does that affect our district?” Riven asks. “The kid was from Six.”

“She and the guy she went into the arena with teamed up with Mick,” I answered. “If the Capitol had even the slightest notion that something could have been planned between the three of them, that puts a target on both Six and Three.”

Riven nods slowly, taking in the information before sighing, “Makes sense, I guess. Did they do anything to the people from Six?”

Mick’s parents shrug and tell us that they aren’t sure, but they say nothing more as the train door opens, letting Halo in before sliding shut again. “Oh, good,” Halo says cheerfully, dropping her luggage to the floor, “you’re already here.”

Before anyone can say anything, the bullet train pulls out of the station, sending the unsuspecting escort to the floor with her luggage. I try my best not to laugh as the precariously pinned wig on Halo’s head slides to the carpet in a golden lump, but one look in Riven’s direction has me coughing to hide my snickers. On the other hand, my auburn-haired companion lets his laughter be known as soon as our gazes meet. By the time we’ve pulled ourselves together, Halo has taken her shoes off and made it to her feet again, hastily adjusting her wig as they send a disapproving look in our direction.

“I’m sorry,” I apologize, trying my hardest not to let out a laugh of any kind.

Riven shakes his head with a snort, “I’m not! That was fucking funny.”

“Well, I’m glad someone thinks so,” Halo huffs, stepping into the living area and dropping into the nearest seat available. I send a swift kick to Riven’s shin under the table, giving him a pleading look when he glares my way. His apology to Halo is half-hearted and meaningless, but she accepts it all the same. Almost instantly, our escort straightens in her chair, tossing glittering strands of hair over her shoulder with a proud smile. “You two should take some time to explore your quarters before we watch the other reapings. Get comfortable, relax a bit.”

I turn to Riven and shrug at his questioning glance. We stand and allow our mentors to show us down the hall. Riven’s room is the first one we come to and he’s quick to flop onto his mattress, muttering about his wildest dreams. When I teasingly ask him if he’s enjoying himself, Riven flips me the bird, something I’m quite used to seeing from him. Ultimately, Mick’s parents tell me to leave Riven to his own devices and I’m brought into another compartment that’s just for me. The room looks just like Riven’s, only mirrored. The only thing that remains the same is the bed in the center of the back wall. Off of the bedroom are two doors, one leading to a rather extravagant bathroom and the other a dressing room full of clothes and a vanity full of makeup and hair tools, some of which I had only ever seen during my sleepovers at the Birch family’s house in Victors' Village. 

Instead of leaving me to explore, Mick’s parents ask if they could talk with me and, once I agree, they take a seat on the end of the bed I’m supposed to sleep on during our journey. “We thought we had the reaping handled,” Mr. Birch tells me, his apology silent, but noticeable. “We had talked it over with the people in charge of the reaping and your papers were supposed to be set aside.”

“It doesn’t really matter now,” I reply as I take a seat on a small, fluffy ottoman. “We had a feeling something like this could happen and it did. Now, I just have to try to make it out alive.”

Mick’s mom takes my hand in hers and squeezes it. “We’ll find a way to get you out of the arena.”

Without a second thought, I shake my head. “If you pull something like last year’s stunt, they’ll take it out on my siblings next year since they’re not safe from the reaping. I need to make it out alive, without any meddling. If I don’t, the twins will be in the line of fire.”

The couple finds each other’s eyes and seems to come to an agreement without saying a word. Mick’s dad turns to me and smiles as he says, “We thought you might say something like that.”

“You did?” I ask.

Mrs. Birch nods. “You’re selfless when it comes to those you love. While we waited for the two of you to get to the train, Brady and I came up with some ideas for your story.”

My confusion must be evident as Brady adds, “For the interviews and, perhaps, even for the Games themselves.”

I sigh, “Can’t I just play the distraught oldest sibling? It’s not technically a lie.”

“That was Miles’ shtick last year,” Mick’s mom claims. “You need something original.”

“We had thought of the friends-turned-lovers thing with you and Riven,” Mr. Birch states, but my disgusted expression must have told him the ‘Fuck no,’ that I desperately wanted to say. He chuckles, “It was quickly dismissed after we saw you two joking around outside the train. Besides, with him being eighteen, it wouldn't have made the Capitol too happy.”

While I felt a wave of relief crash over me, the idea that I would still have to play up some made-up storyline for the cameras was… concerning to say the least. Even though I preferred to stay honest, sometimes brutally so, I could lie when needed, but I was awful at hiding my expressions. Ask anyone. Whatever idea they wanted me to work with, it needed to be good. Hesitantly, I ask, “What did you decide on?”

With a heavy sigh, Mrs. Birch shakes her head and says, “Sadly, we haven’t. It won’t be as easy as telling Mick to play up the ‘victor’s child’ routine.”

Mick’s dad nods as he adds, “You need a storyline that will make people love you and make them want you to stay alive in the arena.”

Oh, is that all? I can barely make people like me back in District 3, how am I supposed to make the snobby people of the Capitol like me? “How, exactly, am I supposed to do that?”

“We’ll find a way,” Mick’s mom says with a smile that, for some reason, actually feels comforting. Before I can question either of them, they stand from the bed and head for the door. “For now, get washed up, relax, and we’ll let you know when it’s time to eat, alright?”

All I can manage is a hum and a nod before they open the door and slide it shut once they're outside. After some contemplation, I find myself sitting in the little dressing room, playing with makeup I never knew existed. I don’t want to think about all of the work I’ll have to put into making a good appearance for the Capitol. It’s going to take a lot more than the few days of training that I have to make me seem like anything more than the geeky lab technician that I am, but regardless of what Mick’s parents decide on, I’m willing to try.

I play around with the makeup, using what little I know from Mick’s teachings to put different creams and powders on my face without looking like something that my siblings would bring home from art class in kindergarten. Eventually, the makeup is washed away after just a few minutes in the shower. The water sears my skin, but it’s relaxing in a twisted sort of way. It’s almost like the calm before the storm, I guess. In the morning, we’ll arrive at the Remake Center. Despite the heat and steam that surround me, I shiver at the thought. I can feel it coming in the distance - being stripped naked in front of complete strangers, my hair being pulled from every follicle the prep team can find, someone intensely scrubbing until my skin turns red, the atrocious parade costume I’ll be either glued or shoved into, and the high-heeled shoes I’ll be lucky if I can stand in. Mick told me it was torture, regardless of how graceful she made it look.

Once I’m out of the shower and dressed in some silky pajamas that I find in the dressing room, I find myself staring at my reflection in what could possibly be the largest mirror I’ve ever seen. Even without the Capitol’s influence, I feel as though I don’t look like myself. The long, flowy hair that looks surprisingly frizz-less, the soft skin that feels nothing like my own, and the silk pajamas that I’ll probably regret wearing when I begin sliding around in the huge bed I’m supposed to stay in. The only thing that keeps me feeling like myself is my glasses. Mick’s gift sits atop the bridge of my nose, the purple frames shimmering in the fluorescent lights that encase the mirror. I only took them off to shower since I never brought the case with me. Seeing them on my face is nice - almost like I have a piece of Mick with me. I grin at my reflection for a moment before sighing and reaching for the light switch.

“Don’t turn the light off,” I hear a girl’s voice say in my ear. 

Looking behind me through the mirror, I find nobody has entered the room. Pulling the door to the bedroom open, I find nobody there either. Seeing that I’m alone, I press a hand to my forehead and mutter, “I’m losing my mind.”

“You’re not going crazy, Viv,” the voice says. “Try not to react, but listen to my voice. You know who I am.” As much as I hate to admit it, it takes me a while to register who it is, but when it does, my eyes widen. I would know her voice anywhere. “There it is,” Mick chuckles. 

“H-How is this-?”

“I can see through the star rivets on your glasses,” she explains. “You hear me through the pieces behind your ears. I worked on those glasses for months, but I didn’t want to use them unless I thought it was necessary.”

“You didn’t watch me take a shower, did you?” I ask in a whisper.

Mick snorts, “Of course not. I watched everything from the reaping until you headed for the bathroom. After that, nothing. I just had the audio on.”

She probably heard my shitty renditions of the songs I’d had stuck in my head while I was washing up. I’m not overly embarrassed at the idea since it’s not like she hadn’t heard my awful singing at least a million times during our sleepovers or at work. I nod and ask, “What happens now?”

I hear Mick sigh as she says, “For now, try to relax. Eat with my parents and Riven, watch the other reapings, and get as much sleep as you can. I’ll be with you through it all and I’m here if you need me.”

It isn’t hard for a smile to work its way onto my face. Mick is probably in the basement or her bedroom, watching me through one of the many monitors her family owns, but I can’t see her the same way. “I wish I could see you. I never got to say goodbye.”

“You’re not saying goodbye,” she declares firmly. “You’re going to get out of the arena one way or another.”

“Alive or in a bodybag?” I offer jokingly.

I can almost picture Mick’s exasperated look as she firmly says, “Vivien, I’m serious.”

“So am I,” I argue lightly. “Those are my options. There are no escape routes this time. I either make it out of the arena as a victor or I leave it by hovercraft and get delivered to District Three in a body bag.”

“It won’t come to that,” she says. I almost find myself believing her. “We’ll get you out before it ever comes to that.”

I open my mouth to say something, but am interrupted by a voice calling from the door leading out of my quarters, “Vivien?” It’s Mick’s dad. “Time to eat, honey.”

“Be right out, Mr. Birch,” I call in return.

Mick snorts, “You can call him Brady, you know. He’s not going to tear your head off.” I’m quick to shake my head and refuse her suggestion. I could never call either of her parents by their first names. At least not to their faces. It just felt wrong. “Suit yourself. Remember, if I say anything to you, act normal. They don’t need to know just yet.”

I nod to my reflection and say a simple, “Talk to you later, then,” before heading out of the bathroom. The trip down to the dining compartment is quick and quiet with no chat from Mick, but she makes her presence known when she laughs as my silk pants cause me to nearly slide out of the chair I perch myself in. Eventually, the table-wide giggle session ends and I sit cross-legged in the chair as the food is brought out for us. Since I’m fairly used to having meals with Mick’s family and the people at work, chatter comes naturally between the four of us, but Halo doesn’t seem to mind being left out of it. To my surprise, she watches on with a smile and eats her food in silence until she feels the need to speak.

With all the talk distracting us, the meal passes by quickly. To everyone’s dismay, the time to watch the other reapings comes as soon as the plates and trays of food are taken away. Halo guides us to another compartment where we’ll watch the reruns. Along the way, Mick tells me to focus on our “friendship districts” more than anything, so I make a mental note to watch for our import and export districts - 5 and 6. Every district has at least one other that they trade vital things with. District 5 sends us supply lists and schematics for new upgrades they’re working on so that we can help with the coding and building of, well, whatever it is that they need. District 6, however, is not only closer to us geographically, but also socially, in a way. We send them tech for the vehicles they make and, in return, they give us vehicles for public use such as trolleys and buses for the further reaches of the district so the people living there can get places easier. Regardless of how we treat each other in the Games, Districts 5 and 6 have always been somewhat friendly with us and vice versa.

District 1 has two volunteers - a boy who looks ready to tear people's throats out with his teeth and a girl named Jade with dark green hair and an arrogant smirk on her face. The next district, to no surprise, has two volunteers who, if Halo’s words are correct, are both named after a type of stone. Our district’s reaping is nothing to watch a second time if you ask me, but the commentators are quick to fawn over the hug I share with Oliver. One of them is particularly upset when Riven volunteers, but their opinion quickly changes when Riven hugs me and we turn to the crowd with bright smiles. Mick’s parents are quick to compliment Riven’s actions and Mick echoes a similar notion, telling me that it makes both of us look good as a team already. The commentators spout off about our incredible love for our district for a while before the reaping switches over to District 4. 

The last of the Career districts reaps a dipshit who nearly stumbles off the stage in what even the commentators assume is a drunken stupor and a redheaded chick who, despite being my age, volunteers for a tall, muscular girl who could’ve easily broken the redhead’s twiggy body in half. District 5 reaps a pair that seem ready for whatever the Games throw their way - sixteen-year-olds Volt and Elektra. Their thick, coily hair and similarly pointed noses make the tributes look almost like siblings, but their last names determine they aren’t related in any way. We all seem to agree that they’re too cocky for our tastes.

District 6 comes on screen soon after, reaping a girl named Lotus Cooper and a boy I actually recognize - Royce Murphy. His older brother had been in the Games with Mick last year and, to my knowledge, his younger brother was still alive and eligible for the reaping. Royce says something to a blonde boy who refuses to let go of him - presumably his younger brother - and takes to the stage like a man on a mission. He was certainly… something. He has curly brown hair that, unlike my little sister’s, seemed well taken care of, a pair of intense, caramel eyes that seemed to tell everyone exactly what he was thinking, and a certain air about him that just oozed hatred for the Hunger Games and all of the people supporting it. 

Needless to say, I like him already. It doesn’t hurt that he is fairly attractive as well. He could probably get a lot of sponsors just on looks alone. I suppose it helps that he is close with the victors who are now his mentors. The group of victors on the stage look horrified at the prospect of him being reaped and they cut the cameras from the trio of angry victors before they get the chance to show how they really feel. The commentators are quick to mention how both Royce and I had been reaped before, but have no volunteers to help us this year. They seem to like that a lot. I suppose they aren’t wrong; it seems like the two of us have a lot in common. We both have connections to our mentors, we both have a certain level of contempt for the Capitol, and we both have been reaped before. It doesn’t take much for Mick’s parents to bring up the idea of befriending him. 

Riven shrugs when I ask him what he thinks of the idea. “It’s up to you, Pip. I’m just tagging along for the ride.”

He seems so nonchalant about the whole thing, something I could never achieve. Glancing at the screen, I eye the potential ally for a moment before slowly nodding. “It could work.”

“Good,” Mrs. Birch says with an almost relieved smile. “We’ll talk it over with his mentors, then.”

As I relax back into the couch cushions and the program moves onto District 7, Mick tells me, “If he’s anything like his brother, Royce will be a great teammate for you. The Capitol loved our enemies-to-friends storyline in the Games, so I’m sure that, whatever you come up with, will be just as entertaining for them.”

I chuckle softly, attempting to appear interested in the commentators' spiels, but I wasn’t paying much attention to it at all. As the reapings go on, only a few tributes stand out, but none of them seem to grab our attention as much as the boy from 6. 

Once the show is over and the anthem is done playing, Halo rises from the couch, turns to Mick’s parents, and asks, “It seems as though we have good odds this year, wouldn’t you agree?”

They nod, but it’s Brady who says, “It does seem that way.” 

Mack smiles as she speaks, “They’re certainly better than last year.”

Halo claps her hands together with a beaming smile and takes one of mine and Riven’s hands, staring at us with wide, excited eyes. “One of you could be the tribute to bring a victory back to District Three; isn’t that exciting?”

“Exhilarating,” Riven comments with a smirk.

“Thrilling,” I say, attempting a proud smile.

Halo lets out a high-pitched squeal before dropping our hands and scurrying off, declaring she was heading off to her room to prepare for tomorrow. As soon as the compartment door is closed behind her, a collective sigh passes through the room. Her optimism was welcoming, but it was exhausting to spend much time with her and the unrelenting perkiness she emanated. Eventually, Mick’s parents wish us a good night and head for their rooms, Riven and I following not long after. Instead of stopping at his quarters, Riven walks me to mine. 

Before heading into my room, I turn to Riven and ask, “What did you mean earlier?” At his confused expression, I elaborate, “About ‘only tagging along for the ride.’”

He shrugs, an everpresent grin on his face as he says, “I’m only here to help you get as far in the Games as I can. You can choose what you want to do, whoever you want to team up with, who you want me to hurt; it doesn’t matter. As long as you’re safe, everything is fine by me.”

His answer bothers me. There’s a certain loyalty in his words, a determination in his tone, and an eerie calm in his eyes that just doesn’t sit right. Riven could win the Games if he put his heart into it. Our friendship has always been strong, unwavering, almost sibling-like, but I figured with all of that, he wouldn’t want us to stay close in the arena. “Why? Don’t you want to win?”

Riven leans against the wall and shakes his head, “Not really. I don’t want the Capitol’s cameras up my ass for the rest of my life.”

My stomach churns at the idea of him dying in the arena. He wasn’t normally the type of person to give up easily. Why was he allowing defeat now, of all times? “Don’t you want to go home?”

Riven’s answer is simple, but heartwrenching all the same, “You have two little siblings who need you, your parents need you, and Mick needs someone to keep her mentally stable in that damp-ass basement of hers, but I have no biological family left to need me around. Besides, the rest of the team can manage if they have at least one of us there still.”

“I don’t understand.” At least, I hope I’m misunderstanding his words.

“I have no real reason to go back home,” Riven claims as though it’s plain to see, “but you do. You have people who need you back in Three, I don’t. Nobody needs me enough for me to be worried about dying in the Games. There aren’t a lot of people in my life who would miss me if I died.”

“I would.”

Riven smiles and places a hand on my shoulder. “I know you would - you and the team. You guys are the closest thing I have to a family. It’s because you’re like my family that I’m doing this. I’m protecting my sister.”

I had spent countless hours training with Riven in the lab, learning his coding methods and trying to get to his level of intellect. Over time, our little group had become the only family Riven knew. My parents had invited him over for meals many times since I started working with him. He was a part of my family now. My eyes burn at the thought of him being so ready to throw away his life in the arena, especially if he was only doing it for me. 

As though he senses my rising emotions, Riven reaches up and flicks my forehead the way he would if I was too wrapped up in work to hear what someone had said. “No tears, Pip.”

“But-”

“No ‘but’s,” he interrupts with a grin. “This is just what family does.” Riven wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me to him briefly before letting go. His smile gives me no room to argue and I’m left with so much I want to say, but can’t. Instead of arguing with him and forcing him to listen to what I had to say - a fruitless effort - I wish him a good night and quietly enter my room, his words still echoing in my head. Mick tries to comfort me once I’m alone, but I end up telling her I was tired and taking the glasses off to let myself process things. Staring at the intricate patterns on the ceiling above my bed and trying my best not to cry at the idea of losing one of my best friends is difficult, but his words repeat over and over in my mind. Many people from other districts wouldn’t sacrifice themselves for others, sometimes not even their family members. But, like Riven said, this is just what family does… right?