#it's almost 2 am and i can't fall asleep lol

[jarognieva]

I want to remind that School of Mensis doesn't have to be school per se or as part of university (Burgerwerth) but more like organization of people (philosophers, scientists or clerics? Or maybe all at once) with common view and beliefs. Of course we know it turned into a sect. So instead of civilized discussions and lectures like it should be at university, we have brainwashing, tortures and praying to huge eldritch spiders. I think there were no students here but """scientists""". Or maybe there were students but true students should study, seek truth and asking questions! But asking questions in a sect doesn't end well :3 And the rest of students who were listening to Micolash without any reflections just turned into believers!

[r4izx]

the next page

scaramouche x gn!reader

summary: you start seeing less and less of your lover and more and more of him with someone else.

- 2,522 words and 13,694 characters.

- slight cursing

a/n: sorry for not updating for so long •́ ‿ ,•̀ exams just ended. have this and not a part 2 of my last fic LOL.

9 days, 14 hours, 58 minutes and 2 seconds.

you don't know how you managed to keep track of the time but that's how long since you've seen your boyfriend in the day. if it wasn't for your shared apartment, you might've not even catch a glimpse of him at all.

these days, scaramouche has been coming home late and going out a lot. it's the reason why you've been staying up late night, waiting at the dinner table until he comes home for the dinner you prepared. but everytime he comes home it's already 2 am and the food has gone cold. you even offer to heat it up for him but he's either not hungry, already ate, or tired. but not too tired to go out with his friends it seems. and although you said friends, you're referring to a particular girl he's been spending more time with than anyone else. more time than with you. it didn't take long for you to find out why he's been ditching you. but it has been so long since you knew the reason yet you've done nothing about it.

you still wait at the kitchen table for who knows how long. but you always end up falling asleep, not noticing when he comes home. and the next day when you wake up, he's gone. that's basically your everyday routine. all you do is stay holed up in your shared apartment all alone. you didn't have much friends compared to him since you chose to hang out with him most of the time.

10 days, 2 hours, 4 minutes and 31 seconds.

it's late at night when scaramouche just entered the apartment. fortunately, you woke up almost immediately after hearing the door unlock. you fell asleep on the table, once again. and before scaramouche could even enter his bedroom, you called out his name.

"wait! scara..!" you still feel groggy from just waking up but you couldn't miss this chance. the chance to confront him. he stops in his tracks and slowly turns his head into your direction.

"what? be quick, i'm tired." scara replies. he was never the warm type of person, but he was also never this cold. you've never heard him speak in a tone like this. cold as ice. hearing him speak like that made you hesitate and even more nervous than you already were.

you nervously speak up,

"w-well, you know these days i've been thinking... you might be spending too much time with your friends and a girl i've been seeing you with. because we've barely hung out together compared to you and your friends." you finally confront of him. hoping he would understand how you feel, just like how you understand that he can have other friends as well.

"because of that, it's been really... lonely. I really don't wanna sound dramatic but maybe we could-"

"you are though." you internally flinch. before you could even finish what you were gonna say, scaramouche interrupted you. "you're being so dramatic y/n! can't i hang out with my friends?! you think you're the only one i have?! archons, there's so many people out there better than you! you're being so possesive."

you? possesive? is he being for real? are you wrong for wanting to spend time with your lover? his words keep echoing in your mind. 'dramatic, better than you, possesive.' you wanted to fight back and defend yourself. but, you wouldn't. you couldn't. you knew that he has other people to rely on too but who knew it would hurt this much when it's being said to you directly. what you didn't know is that he would choose to rely on them over you. now you look like a blind fool, who only saw the truth right now. the truth to his feelings. 'is that how he thinks of me?' you were stunned. too hurt to speak. but you snapped out of your daze once you felt something wet rolling down your face. a tear. you were, crying. crying for a guy who you knew you don't deserve. but you couldn't help it. all you could do now is wipe your tears.

"s-scara no- i'm sorry," what for? why do you need to apologize? "how about i join you with your friends instead? that way we both cou-"

"pfft." scaramouche tried holding his laughter. keyword: tried. he fails. bursting into a fit of laughter. "you? join us? tsk. don't make a joke like that, seriously... i don't need anybody to embarrass me infront of my friends. i told you, i'm too tired for this shit." and just like that, scara entered his room. leaving you all alone at the kitchen table, once again. you covered your mouth, hoping he wouldn't hear your muffled whimpers as you try to not to burst into tears. rushing to your own bedroom just after scara went to his.

you couldn't hold it in anymore. you broke down, tears streaming down from your eyes, too fast to wipe. you couldn't stop crying when you remember the things he had just said. but that wasn't the main reason as to why you were breaking down. sure, the hurtful words were a part of it but it was mostly because of the fact that, ...you know your worth. and you're worth more than this, and you deserve better. but you can't bring yourself to just... let go of him. you hate it that you wouldn't move on. that you couldn't move on.

8 days, 16 hours, 18 minutes and 20 seconds since that incident.

ever since that day you and scara has distanced even further. only seeing each other at night. barely. you told him how you felt and you didn't expect an outcome like this. you figured that you should treat yourself to something nice. you decide to go to the arcade. it was an arcade where you and scara would sometimes go to after class. it wasn't the best place to take a break at, considering you still think of him here, but atleast you were able to relax a bit. surprisingly, you managed to win something at the claw machine! it cheered you up when you remember the amount of times you spent money on rigged claw machines and end up getting nothing. maybe you should go to the arcade more. specifically on bad days. ironically, you're luckier on days where you feel like the unluckiest person ever.

just as you were about to get the prize you won, you saw something, no- scratch that, someone, out of the corner of your eye. someone you really didn't want to see. but still, you looked. your gaze lingered on him. you couldn't help but stare at scaramouche. your lover was right there. right there with another girl. is he cheating? is he leaving me? replacing me? you start overthinking, especially when you remember your last interaction with him. green hair, olive eyes. she's pretty too... maybe scara was right. maybe you were possesive... because right now you're feeling a lot of things. anger? sadness? jealousy? whatever it is --it doesn't feel good. while you were out here feeling like shit, scaramouche right now had the biggest smile on his face. with someone else, he looked so... happy. the smile on his face however, wasn't new to you. seeing it made you reminisce about the past. when you both were still happy together.

"scara! h-hey!-"

you both were walking at the side walk on the way home from school. it felt as if it was just yesterday when this happened. scara was teasing you, smudging ice cream on your face after you both bought some.

"ah- stop it!!"

scara didn't stop, he started laughing. he burst into laughter. and instead of being mad at him for teasing you again, you felt oddly comforted. was it because of his smile? seeing him so happy with you? whatever the reason was, you're just glad he's happy. and so you couldn't help but laugh along with him.

and right now, you're seeing the same memory again. but it's him,

...with someone else.

he's laughing with someone else. doing the same teasing to someone else. being so happy, with someone else.

it hurts.

and it hurts even more when you see that you won matching keychains. there's a pang on your chest and you can't explain the feeling. all you know is that you get this feeling when you see him being okay without you. while you're here suffering without him. it's unfair. you know your worth, and you deserve better. maybe... you should really move on.

so you've promised yourself, --you won't chat him, call him, prepare food for him, wait for him to get home. to think you would change yourself this much because of scara when he wouldn't change a single thing for you. but, it's for the better. now you're both avoiding each other.

15 days, 16 hours, 59 minutes and 58 seconds.

you managed to not interact with him as much for this long. things were awkward for the both of you, keeping replies short with each other. you think if other people saw you both they wouldn't even suspect the idea that you both are lovers. but hey, you kept your promise intact. fortunately, you haven't seen him at all for the past few days, not even a glimpse of him- ...yet.

as you were walking back home, you passed by you and scara's old spot. it was yours and scara's usual spot. it was somewhere near your shared apartment with him, an overlooking hill, where you could see the whole city. it was a place you both went to for a breath of fresh air. some memories quickly popped into your mind but you didn't wanna remember anything about it. not anymore. but it was only now that you noticed two figures on the spot. one was... from the silhouette you could already tell it was scara, but you still took a better look to confirm it and just as you suspected, it was him. now, the other figure was... the same girl again.

you're starting to hate the color green because of seeing her too much with him, although, you do feel slightly guilty 'cause you haven't even spoken to her once yet you feel like this. but still, you hate the color purple even more. it was the color of his hair, his eyes, and you were pretty sure it was his favorite color seeing how much his room is filled with it. because of him... you're hating a lot of things, including the fact that he looked so majestic right now. the wind blowing down on his face, his hair flowing with the air, his face leaning closer and closer to the girl's lips,...

as they kissed.

you watched as scara and the girl's lips touched each other's. it's a bit embarrassing to say but scara has never kissed you on the lips. was he saving it for a special moment like this? the atmosphere for them must have felt romantic. but right now, you feel like it's getting hard to breathe, the air around you is heavy, and your vision is getting blurry. ever since scara and you had distanced, you already knew at some point something like this would occur. but it still hurts. so much.

the dam broke.

tears started flooding down from your eyes. you cover your mouth, hoping the two of them wouldn't hear your sobs. your gaze fell downward. you couldn't bear to look at him again, it'll just break you even more. it hurts, it hurts, it hurts. and you start to think that maybe scara has never even loved you from the very beginning. maybe he was always more than friends with that girl. always ditching you for her, being this intimate with her, and at your personal spot with him too. looking back to your most precious moments with him, you really are a blind fool. you thought you were special. when in reality, he'd replace you the moment you do something he doesn't like.

and so, you break your promise. you take your phone out from your pocket. scrolling for a long while through your contacts. it was only now that you realize how long you actually didn't chat him. you finally find his name. 'scara♡'. you quickly cleared his nickname and started typing. even though your eyes were growing blurry from tears, you still tried to finish typing. albeit, with difficulty, you click send.

"scaramluche, we shoudl bresk up."

you didn't care if it had so much typos, you just wanted to get it over with. you tried staying loyal to him, for a long time. despite all of his complaints and how hard it was to breathe around him, you still endured. but a person could only take too much until they break.

you waited for a few minutes until the two of them finally left your spot. it was where you always went to when you needed a breathe of fresh air, so you went and sat there. watching the city lights, gazing at the sky, breathing this fresh air. this is what you need. no matter how many times you come to this place, the scenery always takes your breathe away. even though scaramouche was just here awhile ago, you couldn't even think about him right now. you wouldn't.

and for the first time in a while, you felt... relaxed. you felt calm. the air around you finally felt light, it was easier to breathe. now it's just you and yourself again. you were used to being alone in the confinements of your shared apartment, but this... feels different. you are alone, but you felt free. you aren't chained down to bothersome worries and doubts anymore.

going back to your shared apartment that day was difficult for you. but from then on, you knew things were gonna get better, so you held on. scaramouche didn't even bat an eye to the boxes lying around on your room. he didn't even care about the fact that your closet was getting emptier and emptier through the days. but that's good. because just like how he neglects you, you won't let yourself be bothered by him anymore.

and alas, the day comes where you finally move out. you went far enough to even ask the landlord if you could move in early. this is the beginning of your life without any problems. without any of him. scaramouche is blocked on all of your socials, he wouldn't know a thing about your whereabouts even if he tried to look for you. because you know a lot of things about him when he doesn't even know where you work.

you finished setting up your bed at your new apartment. you hastily scrambled onto the bed, lying down on your back. your whole body instantly felt relaxed and the only thing you could think about is that you don't regret doing this. you think that maybe this was really what you needed. a break from him, being freed from doubts and worries. you truly did the right choice of moving out, and...

33 days, 21 hours, 5 minutes and 10 seconds.

...moving on.

[ifimdreaming]

blurb!

I cant sleep

jack hughes x reader || fluff

summary: jack wakes you up at 2am becasue he cant sleep an wants mcdonalds lol

word count: 0.6k

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Jack tossed and turned beside you, reaching over to the nightstand to check his phone for the fourth time in the past 10 minutes. You tried desperately to ignore him, being way too tired and annoyed to tell him off. You also knew that if Jack knew you were awake he would take every opportunity to keep you awake.

Not even two minutes later Jack is sitting up in bed and you look at him confused with squinted eyes and your head still on the pillow, not wanting to lose your sleepiness. 

He begins ripping his shirt off and loudly starts fluffing his pillow, punching and throwing it on the bed repeatedly, clearly uncomfortable with how it was before. You groan slightly in annoyance and Jack turns his head to look at you.

“Oh you're awake too?” He turns to face you and lifts the pieces of hair that are covering your face so he can see if your eyes are open.

“Well I am now. Literally how could I be asleep with all the noise you're making?” you huff and turn your body to face the other way, away from jack.

“I can't sleep...” 

You feel poking at your side after staying silent, trying your hardest to ignore the irritating boy beside you.

“...Hello? Did you fall asleep again?” Jack says as he continues poking your back.

You grab his hand to stop him and kick his leg under the covers. 

“OW!”

You reach over and grab your phone, checking the time. “Jack, go back to bed its almost 2:30 in the morning!” he looks at you with furrowed brows and grips his leg, dramatically emphasizing the pain, which makes you crack a smile and laugh.

“Go. to. bed.” you sit up in bed and hold his face in your hands trying not to laugh, “im serious.” you add, trying to get your point across but he just chuckles in response, clearly seeing you fighting back your own laughter.

“I can't. I'm hungry and I really need mcdonalds.” he says as you reach over to turn the lamp on, reluctantly giving up on getting much sleep tonight. 

He looks at you and pouts his lip, and you just roll your eyes in return. You knew you'd be giving in but it was funny to watch him get so worked up about it.

“Pleeaase come with me?” jack says and pulls you in closer beside him. You sit up more and he lifts your leg over him so you are now sitting up on his lap, facing him.

“Please?” he says as he leans in to place a soft kiss against your lips. 

“Hmmm… I dont know. I think I need a little more convincing.” you say as you scooch closer to his chest and place your arms on his shoulders, wrapping your hands around his neck.

“Oh yeah?” Jack leans in and leaves gentle kisses along your jaw and down your neck. He picks a spot along your collarbone and leaves marks that will definitely last for at least a few days.

“How bout now?” he lifts his head to look at you but you push it back down to your neck. 

“Come with me?” he says leaning up again and you reluctantly open your eyes, not wanting him to have stopped.

“Mm fine I suppose” you reply, and he flashes you a big smile.

“But this continues when we get back, yeah?” 

“Of course.” He says and places one last kiss on your lips, moving his hands back and forth along your thighs.

“Well lets go then hungry boy” you laugh out as you begin to climb off his lap.

“I'll get the keys!” Jack says and basically pushes you off of him so he can get dressed and get in the car as fast as possible. Leaving you laughing hysterically and scrambling to keep up with him.

-

-

[dragonzfanfics11]

SBG main six with S/O that’s always cold? Example: clings onto them for warmth, wears there hoodies/sweaters, tends to stay snuggled up in blankets.

-✨ anon

P.S REMEMBER ME WHEN YOU CRAZY FAMOUS🫶🫶🫶

hiiiiii!!! Love the request and don't worry I will!! :D also sorry I'm taking so long to answer these requests I've been busy 😅

Warnings- probably spelling errors, that's it I think

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Ashlen

At first she'd act so awkward lol but wouldn't do much to push you away

Shed probably like your warms almost as much as you like hers so you both just cuddle alot sometimes when it's just the 2 of you

Shed probably keep an extra sweatshirt stashed in her dad's car for you and just give them to you randomly if you're cold

Also secretly thinks you look adorable wrapped up in blankets randomly in her house/your house

Will bring you blankets to wrap yourself in at her house and might cuddle with you to

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Aiden

Finds it so cute whenever you cling to him for warmth

Though you can't usually cling to him as often when he's trying to do some random stunts or something

But if you cling to him before that happens he might stay with you and let you cling to him

He'd probably be that type of guy to purposely leave his sweatshirts at your house just to see you wear them

Will also hand one to you if you asked (will most likely give you the one he was wearing in that moment)

Also thinks you look so cute when your wrapped up in blankets if your at his house he'll give you like a million blankets and cuddle with you lol

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Ben

Whever you going to him he just hugs you/ cuddles you which would be so cute 😭

Hed probably be like a human furnace and super comfortable to cuddle with so if your cold no problem!

Hed 100 percent give you his goodies if you asked but they'd probably be huge on you lol

Will wrap you both in a bunch of blankets and cuddle with you

Also thinks it's so cute any time you cling to him or when your wrapped up in blankets

you both probably at least once fell asleep together in the randomest spot when you both cuddle

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Tyler

Hed probably get flusterd out in public and act annoyed or be like super protective and shamless when you cling to him

Will probably let you borrow his sweatshirts especially his jersey jacket/number (basically his baseball number + his name on it)

You two probably fall asleep cuddling alot at his/your house

He also thinks it's cute and funny when you wrap yourself in a bunch of blankets and probably has pictures of it

He has at least once cuddled with you with a bunch of blankets wrapped around you both

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Taylor

She loves it whenever you cling to her for warmth

She thinks it's so cute and she gets to cuddle you more who wouldn't love that?

Probably makes sure to bring an extra sweatshirt for you at the graveyard just in case

Also loves cuddling with you wrapped up in a bunch of blankets

she probably also has a bunch of pictures of you two cuddling and ones of you sleeping when she thought you looked cute

Definitely falls asleep with you alot at the graveyard so somone in the group constantly have to wake you two up if somethings happening

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Logen

He also loves it whenever you cling to him

I can see him being a very comforting presence and also surprisingly warm?

He'll let you cling to him whenever and probably brings an extra sweatshirt for you or stashes on in the graveyard

Also he probably has a few pictures of you guys cuddling or of you sleeping like taylor (not in a weird way just to clarify)

Also thought it was kinda funny the first time he found you wrapped up in a bunch of blankets

Definitely cuddles with you under a bunch of blankets while watching a movie or something resulting in you both falling asleep together like halfway through the movie

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Hope you liked it!!! Again sorry it took a while 😅 for the other people who requested don't worry I am still doing your requests just be patient!

[anonimusunnoaniswriting]

* comes out of the void shyly *

Amazingly Darling FicWife, 🩶🖤

You had me clutching my poor heart and forgetting how to breathe on this Vampire! Nanami Part 2. So so sensuous, alluring, softly warm, erotic undertone and of course the dark gothic romance of it all ! Almost if it's all but a fever dream, something that will disappear in the most softest of morning light. I would have read 4K on my knees and giddy happily about it. ;3

OMG you're just feeding my addiction and oh my Stars! You are so good at crafting this beautiful dark painting, idk how I'll function today. This poor wife of yours have been weirdly ill, just very indisposed and that dull awful migraine that won't go away. Hence not showing up online, I avoid lights. What if you'll have to find a second wife ? Or become a widow ? Cause my health is being tested lately. lol

Enough with my dramatics, this is just OMG a delicious dinner. As always I am astonished and captured by your writings! Breathtaking and Heart stopping indeed ! ❤️‍🔥🔥

Thank you! Thank you ! Thank you ! For writing and posting, sharing a bit of your magic with us. Blessed be! (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠❤

Hey Google how do I find and sleep with a Tumblr mutual asking for a friend. Hahahhaha 👀👀👀

I'm so so so happy you liked it. I'm also so happy you read it. I'm also worried you're not keeping well. I really hope you get to take a break for a bit darling. We're all overworking ourselves and for what? Jobs that won't even think twice when they need to replace us?

I need you to close your eyes and imagine being cradled by Vampire!Nanamin. Imagine his strong arms holding you close and making you feel so safe and secure. Imagine him burying his nose in the crook of your neck because you just smell so good and he can't wait for you to fall asleep so he can have a little taste .. just a tiny nibble. That's okay right? He's been so good. He deserves a reward. No?

[kanmom51]

JK live 12 June 2023 7:02 am KST

Cr./ to creators of media used in this post.

JK came to us early in the morning, brought us into his bedroom, into his bed, to be with him as he falls asleep.

This was intentional, not a fluke.

JK knew he was going to fall asleep with us, and he also knew what the company's thoughts were on the matter, and he just didn't give a flying fuck.

One thing you couldn't see in the twitter translations was that cheeky smile, lol.

Man knew what he was doing.

He knew it. He just did. Fact: it took them longer to turn off the live this time than last time, lol. What was it? 6-7 minutes more or less?

JK tells it how it is.

He is gentle and genuine and just so real. When he tells us he's a human being he also shows it to us. He's not flawless and he isn't afraid to show us that either. He is a superstar with a heart of gold and some child like mannerisms. A pure soul. And I think that is partially the reason that millions of people will just sit there and watch him sleep for over 20 minutes.

Did he cut his hair again? Please no.

A summery of JK's live:

JK greetings to army.

An infomercial for the neck pillow, which is by now probably sold out.

"There are times when I snore and times when I don't...but I think I will I snore today."🤣

How can you not love this man? He literally turned on the live to fall asleep while telling us he missed us.

He tells us since he doesn't do IG, he doesn't do SM, so there aren't many ways to communicate with us. So he keeps looking for Weverse. Well, all I can say is "please don't stop".

Calvin Klein promotion from the worlds best brand ambassador ever.

Disappearing for a couple, talking to himself (most likely) in the background. I guess that answers his question if he talks to himself a lot.

Glasses on.

Glasses off.

Humming...groaning, lol.

Looks like maybe he fell asleep and then he comes back to us to tell us he was thinking just as he was about to fall asleep, that if he falls asleep: "If I really sleep I also think and imagine things that I don't want to think about. It's so fascinating..."

He ends with: "anyway, army you can't get hurt. I had a dreamlike thought about how you guys can't get hurt. We must be careful all the time. We can't get hurt."

I love his philosophical discussion with himself while half asleep. Granted, those are the times we are most likely to have our eureka moments. That is a fact. Lol.

I love how he is sharing these thoughts with us. I do hope that fans understand just how lucky they are for him to be doing this (yeah, that's wishful thinking, I know).

And from there on we have 21 minutes of JK playing sleeping beauty.

Live cut off by whoever it was in the company trying to figure out if and when they need to cut the feed off.

Well, at least they didn't have too many subs to add, hence the live being up and translated in a just a few hours.

Half of the subs for the live:

An almost perfect description of JK's live in 17 seconds:

JK's Weverse post 12 June 2023 14:34

You have got to love that man, lol.

Let's take a quick look at the numbers for a sec, again, just for fun.

JK's live was at 7:02 12.6.23

7+2+1=10

2+6+2+3=13

13/10

JK's post 2:34 pm 12.6.23

2+3+4+1=10

2+6+2+3=13

13/10

I think we have a few interesting weeks ahead of us.

I do hope that with everything going on we will still get to see this amazing so so special young man come to us to be with us.

And just before I go, I will leave you with this:

Oh Jiminah, you lucky bastard...

Also, love it when he has that JM out for show...

See you soon JK...

[hellcatinnc]

I'm Hooked On Rafayel (Love And Deepspace)

Some Spoiler Stuff

Like I really can't get enough of this man...

These are some of my favorite moments with him. He won me 2 narwhals in the plushie machine. Also looks so handsome in his suit but the kitty one I need to get that one still cause he is totally adorable in it.

This man is just so damn pretty I love it. The fact he makes flirty comments and looks hot with and without clothes on too.

He is more of a romantic than you would think kinda reminds me of Ikki from Amnesia, he is a sad boy, flirty, and romantic all wrapped into one man almost a crime to be so damn perfect. Here I go with my sad boy thing again needing to make them happy lol.

This is him falling asleep on my screen the one standing up was even cute but I bout spit my drink at my screen first time he did the book on his head.

Again sweet moments that are always etched into my heart now...

I love to see this man pouty but it flows with his sad boy and why he is sad and covers it up well. He really is a introvert but without his stories you would never know it. I love when he blushes its adorable and pretty easy to do. Take a look at him in just a towel...drools.

Now i have him at a level 33 so he can call me what I want and I wanted him to call me darling since I am darling status in the game and here he is sweet talking me... He is too sexy for his and my own good.

[youreobsessedwithtoomanyfandoms]

Oh My God, You Did Not!

Words: 1095

Warnings: angst, reference to reader and Spencer having previous relationship, me almost writing smut but stopping cause...year, probably poor writing and OOC characters but whatever

Criminal Minds Masterlist Main Masterlist Join my Taglist

Just a reminder in case none of you read my fic "I Would Tell Them If I Could, But I Can't" Reader and Spencer had a relationship for about 2 years before they broke up and then they just kinda slept with one another after bad cases which lead to the reader getting pregnant. They kinda have a co-parenting lifestyle where reader is the “lead” parent and Spencer get’s child (Avery) on weekends and some weekday

Takes place around Season 13 Episode 3 (episode where Matt keeps his wife from going into work on time...which is sorta how I got inspired for it)

I literally forgot about this…it’s been sitting in my drafts for about 1-2 weeks lol

This was originally written for my OC Abby (which a longer version will be posted on my other account @imnotobsessedwfictionalchracters later)

Anywho, enjoy

Love Z <3

Y/N opened her door and was surprised to see Spencer there. She gave him a soft smile but before she could say anything, he took a single stride in and grabbed her face in his, kissing her harshly. She hardly had time to breathe as he kissed her. When he finally pulled away, she breathed heavily and held her hands on his chest.

“I want you. I don’t care that it’s against the rules. I don’t care that we could get kicked off of the team or out of the FBI as a whole, I just fucking need you.”

“Spence, Avery is--”

“Asleep. I think I still know her sleep schedule. It’s past 3 am. She’s asleep Abs.”

“But you just--”

“I know, I know. I worked to get reinstated, but I don’t care.” He brushed some of her hair out of her face, “If I get kicked out because I love you, then I don’t care.”

She gripped his shirt and this time she was the one who pulled him into the kiss. This time his hands went down to feel under her shirt, she made a noise that was swallowed by the kiss. She moved backwards and heard him kick the door shut. Her hands fumbled as she walked backwards and tried to unbutton his shirt. They stumbled a few times but eventually made it to her bedroom where he kicked the door shut there as well.

She felt her knees reach the back of her bed and she allowed herself to fall back on it, pulling him down with her. She smiled as she finally succeeded in unbuttoning his shirt and he shrugged it off and she also pulled her top over her head. Spencer attached his lips to hers again and she felt his hands fall down to the buttons of her pants. 

She pulled away for a moment, “We won’t get in trouble if no one finds out. N-no one has found out about,” She stopped mid sentence as she moaned after he bit and sucked her chest. “About Avery. No one has to know anything.”

“I’d like that. Keeping you as my dirty little secret.”

She nodded, “I do too.” She glanced over at the door, “Is it locked?” He nodded his head vigorously as he pulled her pants down. That was the last confirmation that she was fine with this.

----

Y/N groaned as she woke up. Her whole body was sore. She felt the spot next to her and was surprised to see that Spencer wasn’t there. But that was when she clocked just how much light was coming through the window. She shot up, which she regretted but pretended it was alright and grabbed her phone. Letting out a string of curses as she realized the time. It was 30 minutes until she was supposed to be at work and it took her that much time to get there, without traffic.

She unlocked her phone after she saw the text from Spencer that was sent to her around 2 hours ago. When she usually would wake up and get Avery ready for school. 

“I’m getting Avery ready and taking her to school. You needed 

the sleep you were getting and I didn’t want to wake you.”

“I’ll see you when you get in the office later.”

She tossed her phone on her bed as she stumbled over to her bathroom. She turned the faucet on and tossed the washcloth in and her toothbrush. She quickly brushed her teeth and spit the excess out in her other sink. She tossed her toothbrush in her holder and wiped her mouth before she grabbed the washcloth and soap and washed her face. She moved as fast as she could while putting on her makeup, thankful that it was just second nature for her at this point. She grabbed a clip and quickly brushed her hair before tossing it up. 

Running into the closet, she grabbed a set of clothes and got ready as quickly as she could. She grabbed her phone and bag as she was slipping her shoes on. She smiled as she ran into her kitchen and realized he had made coffee, happy that she had a new pot that kept it warm for a few hours. She grabbed her travel mug and made her cup before grabbing her keys and dashing out the door to her car.

----

Y/N wasn’t even sure if she had locked her apartment as she stood in the elevator. She was 50 minutes late. She knew that Luke and JJ would give her shit for it. And once Emily would be done getting mad at her for being so late, she would too. 

She ran into the office and tossed her bag on her desk as she ran to the conference room. Spencer had already texted her that they were meeting about a new case. She nearly tripped and fell into the room from running.

“Sorry! Sorry! I know I’m late! My alarms must have not gone off. I’m so sorry!”

“It’s alright Y/L/N. Just grab a file and get your go bag, we’ll get you up to speed on the jet.” Y/N nodded as she breathlessly grabbed a file, refusing to give a glance to Spencer. She walked out of the room and back to her desk in order to grab her go bag.

“So, why were you late?”

She looked up at JJ, “I told you, alarms.”

“Nah, I don’t believe it. You have a...look on you. Something I haven’t seen in...around 5 years.”

Y/N looked down bashfully, “Shut up.”

“Oh. My. God. You did not!”

She grabbed her go bag from underneath her desk and just shrugged. She saw JJ lean forward on her desk and look at her intently. “Spence told me he got to take Avery to school. Won’t deny, I found it weird, but I just thought you had something to run and do this morning. When I asked Emily she said you hadn’t mentioned needing the ability to come in late. And so when you do, you’re flustered. Just like you were back before Avery was born. Spence looked less stressed and tense and so do you.” JJ gave her a smirk, “Or maybe I’m just delusional again.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, “Even if what you were suggesting was true, I cannot say a thing as we are on the clock.”

JJ smiled and leaned back, “Guess I’ll just have to wait for the next time our kids hang out.”

Y/N smiled, “I guess you will.”

[mostremote]

reflecting on 2023, thoughts for 2024, long personal post

How would I sum up 2023? Well, it's certainly been productive. Securing a permanent position at a university I adore is unreal, and I still subconsciously assume there's been a mistake and they'll fire me any day now. After what was essentially 7 years of precarity, having professional stability is absolutely wild. I love my job, I love my students, I love my colleagues, and it's insane to me that I seem to have actually "made it" professionally.

My second book is coming out with a Big Publisher and that's very nice too. I don't have much emotional attachment to that project, but it took a lot of work and I'm satisfied that it is reaching its appropriate conclusion. I will make, I am sure, zero money out of it, but that's academic publishing for you lol

I gave my first keynote paper at a (cute, small) conference, so that was also a milestone. I also organised a very successful conference in which like 1/4 of the speakers cited my work, which was absolutely surreal and made me want to disappear into the ground.

I made a huge amount of progress on my novel, it's pretty much finished, and my one real resolution for 2024 is to make a proper effort to get it published. I'll wait until my academic book is out to start that process, but that's the one resolution I'm setting for myself. I don't know if I'll have any luck (it's not exactly a book with mass appeal) but I want to at least give it a shot.

Healthwise, well. It's been a ride. A good ride, but a ride nonetheless. I switched medications for my chronic illness, coming off a really major one and getting onto a much milder one, as I've been basically asymptomatic. This is good news all round: I've adapted well to the new meds, and I don't have to deal with all the nasty side effects of the old meds (they fuck you up long term). The main problem I have now is that I can't drink much alcohol, but that's a small price to pay for good health.

But one side effect of the medication was weight gain. I gained around a stone after I'd been on it for a year but I figured that was just "not being in your early 20s anymore" weight gain. Turns out nope! I haven't weighed myself lately but I have visibly lost a lot of weight and it's a little disconcerting to be suddenly, well, very skinny again. I look much younger and smaller. It's not bad, it's just a stark difference to adjust to and not something I was expecting to happen in my 30s.

I've also adjusted my hormone regimen. I don't have any long term plans (i never do lol) but I've been enjoying playing more with feminine presentations. I'm just, comfortable with my body and happy with who I am. How about that!

Mental healthwise, hoo boy. Let's address my being cursed by an ancient amulet and becoming crushingly obsessed with the fictional villain of The Hunger Games. I haven't spoken about this on here but The Shivering Season is significantly informed by my own experiences with different forms of abuse and mental health problems, and I have been processing a lot while writing it. Sometimes I've had anxiety attacks while writing, which never happens to me! There was a point before Christmas I was having anxiety attacks at random everyday, just hanging out watching TV, because it seems I was bringing so much stuff to the surface. And I seem to have worked through some things, because the intrusive sexual abuse thoughts/fantasies I have experienced compulsively for, idk, 15+ years have gone. Completely gone. Really, really weird! I need to go back to therapy about this but I just don't know how to explain "I became obsessed with The Hunger Games and now I have 70% less trauma" in a normal way.

And I have been extremely manic these past 2 months. That is probably obvious from how I've been posting, but jesus christ. I wake up at 5am, I fall asleep at 11pm (and as someone who historically needs 8-9 hours every night, this is significant). I write thousands of words almost every day. I am generally inclined to periods of mania, but this is extremely intense and it has lasted since the start of November. I'm scared of crashing, both because this hyperproductivity is giving me a lot of positive brain chemicals and because I don't know what kind of person I'll be if it goes. Will the intrusive thoughts come back? I don't want them to! I've been very happy without them!!

And that's the conclusion, really: I've had a very happy year. I'm mistrustful of happiness, but I am still happy. I don't know what to expect of 2024, but I am optimistic, and content, and marvelling at in what a good place I'm in now compared to how I was.

Happy new year!

[jellyfitzjelly]

(2/2) he realised she's not wearing anything underneath her dress 👗, he scolded himself for treating her like this but she shown she clearly enjoys it 😁, he lost his reason when he felt how wet she is for him (⁠●⁠_⁠_⁠●⁠), just what he's thinking about ⁄⁠(⁠⁄⁠ ⁠⁄⁠•⁠⁄⁠-⁠⁄⁠•⁠⁄⁠ ⁠⁄⁠)⁠⁄, he place her on the armchair before enjoying her before diving down 👇, he just started but she's loving it 🤭, he could tell it's lubricant (⁠゜⁠o⁠゜⁠; he's aroused when he realised she prepared herself for HIM 😳, he almost came from that alone 🤭, he knows how to tease her with his mouth & fingers 😁, he crawled back up to kiss her 💋 & remove his pants 👖, she doesn't hide how much she loves it 🗣️, he lost his restraint after hearing that 👂, he was so excited that he had to stop himself from spilling 🛑, she pulled him down to kiss him 😘, his pace is erratic but she doesn't mind at all 🤭, he can see how much she's enjoying herself 🥴, he can't let her go to another man 🥺, he tried to convince himself it's the rut but he can't deny that she's his as he's hers 🥹, the sight of her to him is lovely 😍, he wants to keep her like this for the rest of his days ⁄⁠(⁠⁄⁠ ⁠⁄⁠•⁠⁄⁠-⁠⁄⁠•⁠⁄⁠ ⁠⁄⁠)⁠⁄, he finally felt better now 👍, just how both of them rested for awhile 👍, she said to do it again 🤣, he said it's in next year but she clarified she meant today 😳, he was shocked like me (⁠゜⁠o⁠゜⁠; he thought she was beautiful when she smiled while blushing ☺️, he almost saw stars for a few seconds ⭐, he walked to the bed with her & lied down so she can rest on his chest 🛏️, he told the good thing is that it goes down fast when he's old 👍, she gave him a stern look 😠, it made his cock twitch 😳, she told him he's not which I agree 💯, she tried to sit up but settled on glaring at him 😠, he felt fondness for her 🥴, he smiled tenderly as he tucked her hair behind her ear 😊, he told her gently that he didn't tell if he return her feelings 💞, she told him she can't believe how she didn't realise he sees her like she's Sharess 😂, he blushed as he didn't expect how cheeky it accurate she is 😳, he questioned why not a man her age as she replied she has him 😁, he just wants to kiss her 😚, she looked at it in wonder like me (⁠☆⁠▽⁠☆⁠), he did tell it's normal but was completely shocked that it's her first time (⁠゜⁠o⁠゜⁠; she did explain herself but she doesn't see it as a big deal ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯, she looked at his cock hungrily 😋, she said she wanted to taste him but she was too fast for him to reply O///O, he realised she definitely has experience ⁄⁠(⁠⁄⁠ ⁠⁄⁠•⁠⁄⁠-⁠⁄⁠•⁠⁄⁠ ⁠⁄⁠)⁠⁄, it felt good to him 🤭, her cheeky remark 😁, she's really knows how to give him a good time O///O, he wrap his arms around her when she slumos against his chest 🤭, he asked if she's okay which she managed to answer despite her about to fall asleep 💤, he pet her hair 🤭, she deserved to rest especially after making him the happiest man 💕, and he smiled as he thought to himself it's going to be the best rut he had in years ☺️ The angst and fluff is so well written 😍, Zevlor is so in character (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠), her reactions are so good 👍, and the smut is hot 🔥 Thank you so much for doing my request because I love it so much :)

I am so happy you are pleased with your request!!! And that my smut isn't completely cringe lol. I am so horny for Zevlor in rut it's becoming concerning.

[definitelydoesnotwantyourskin]

Hi! I'm skin, or howdy, or dancing cow. I have a couple different handles lol. I am a novice writer, and I would love to show you guys the story I'm working on!

It's called:

Reggie and Julien

“I HATE YOU!”

That was the last thing I screamed before the front door of my apartment slammed shut. The impact rattled the room, making the picture of us fall to the ground. The glass shattered in the frame.

I didn't pick it up.

I stared at the door for what felt like an eternity. He'd be back. He always comes back. Every time we had arguments like this he would leave, get in his car, and drive… somewhere. I never knew. Never learned. Never cared.

I eventually stopped looking at the door and turned my attention to the clock, 1:23 am, it read. For fucks sake, we probably woke up the whole complex with that ordeal. I sighed and went to my bedroom. I had school in the morning, and I couldn't afford to miss another lecture because I slept in.

That next morning I woke up to a phone call from Julien's mom. I didn't answer at first, because why would I? She never wanted to talk to me, and if she did, she would just call Julien. I rolled back over and fell asleep for all of 2 minutes before she called again, this time I picked it up.

“Reggie?” Her voice sounded tired, weak even, like she had been up all night using it, “Something happened, you need to come to our house as soon as you can.”

“I would love to Mrs. Capulet, but I have class this morning,” I had attempted to say before she cut me off.

“You don't understand,” She interjected, her voice cracking as she spoke, “Something happened to Julien.”

Confused, I got myself dressed and began heading to Mr. and Mrs. Capulet's house. I had only been there once or twice before, so the neighborhood was unfamiliar to me. Giulietta Street, the place Julien grew up. It was old and dingy, the type of place you would expect an old couple whose only son has gone off to college 4 years ago would look.

I pulled up to their house and rang the doorbell, an old, almost defunct brrring echoed through the door. I stood there for about a minute, about to head back to my car to go back home, when the door finally opened. There stood Julien's dad, Mr. Capulet, looking solemnly at the space on the ground between himself and I.

“Hey Mr. Capulet,” I said with as cheery of a tone as I could muster for such a gloomy sight, “Mrs. Capulet called me and told me I should come down.”

“I know,” He replied in such a manner that it almost seemed like he was blowing me off, “follow me.”

I walked into the house behind Mr. Capulet, following him through their tight hallways until we reached the living room. On one of the only chairs they had sat Mrs. Capulet, her head in her hands, sobbing.

“What… happened to Julien?” I asked, the words caught in my throat.

“You might want to sit down first,” Mr. Capulet responded.

With a heavy breath, I made my way to the chair across from Mrs. Capulet, while Mr. Capulet sat next to her and began to rub small circles into her back.

“Reggie, we know you and Julien were roommates, so we wanted you to know as well, just so you could be.. prepared for your housing situation,” Mr. Capulet looked up at me, a tired, depressing look.

“Mr. Capulet,” I asked again, “What happened to Julien?”

“Last night, around 1:30 am…” Mr. Capulet took a pause, as if he was attempting not to cry himself, “Julien got into a car accident. Drunk driver. Ran a red light.”

I stared at Mr. Capulet in disbelief for a moment, before asking, “But… he's fine, right?”

I got no answer.

“HE'S FINE. RIGHT?!”

Nothing but the wails of Mrs. Capulet.

No. No he couldn't be dead. If he was dead, that would mean that the last thing I said to him, the last time I saw him, was when I told him I hated him.

I didn't hate him.

He can't be dead, because he has to know I don't hate him.

He had to know.

Before I knew it, I was back in my car, Mr. Capulet in the passenger's seat and Mrs. Capulet in the back, driving to the mechanics.

-----

And thats all I have so far! It's still VERY new and early, and I'm stil working out a lot of the kinks, but I would love any comments on it! (Constructive criticism and questions included)

(It would also be nice if you have any recommendations for a public writing website cause this is just sitting in my google docs rn)

[eveandtheturtles]

Leo and the dragon part 2

I kind of wanted to continue but with some smut thrown in lol. (Also let me know if anyone wants to know more about my headcanons for dragons and mermaids in this universe either here or on my main blog). Check my masterlist for part 1 bc I feel like tumblr been blocking my posts with links the past 2 weeks.

Summary: It's spring time and the turtles are dealing with mating season. A friend offers help to Leo.

Rating: IT'S SMUT!! NC-17 WHATEVER NO KIDS ALLOWED. Also everyone here is like in their early to mid 20s including the dragon!

Warnings: uuuh, biting, feral Leo, some blood mention?

Tag for: @turtle-babe83 @thelaundrybitch @leosgirl82 @madammuffins @sharpwindow @m1dnyt3-w0lf @scholastic-dragon @tinkabelle19 @pheradream-15 @dilucsflame33 (lemme know if you wanna be on this list or off of it!)

Enjoy

After resolving the mystery of mysterious creature plaguing New York Amoxtli found herself right at home with the turtles. She enjoyed their shenanigans and Raph enjoyed challenging her to spar sessions often.

The first time it happened they found out that Amoxtli was in fact a warrior princess. The superior strength now joined with hundreds of years of practice with spears, Macuahuitl and other weapons gave her an edge that brought a variety into their training sessions.

Meanwhile Donnie was excited to find everything he could on dragon culture and biology. Leo felt he needed to protect their newest friend from his brother. Amoxtli didn't mind though. She would answer honestly or when she didn't want to say something side step the truth to her best abilities.

"I can't lie," she explained to Leo one day. "I can omit the truth but I cannot outright lie. On the upside I can also tell when someone is lying to me."

But she never seemed to mind to be around his family. She held a reverence for Splinter as the elder of their family. She always had a good laugh around the brothers but rarely joined the shenanigans. She sucked at video games but still tried to play against them. It pleased Leo how well she interacted with everyone.

"They are wonderful. You are all so open and close as family and you all care so much for each other," she told him at a different time. "I miss my older brother watching you all."

"Well, if he ever decided to come to you world, he is welcome in the lair," Leo replied, watching with her as Raph and Donnie were trying to trick Mikey out of his pizza slices.

"That's nice of you but he's dead," she said with her usual bluntness causing Leo to find himself at a loss for words.

Through summer to late autumn Amoxtli was visiting them regularly. During winter months it slowed down as she hated cold and it was harder to drag her out of her own apartment. The last time Leo saw her the multiple layers of her clothing she wore to be able to visit almost turned her into a ball. Not very different from all those videos of bundled up toddlers. Mikey tried to see if he could roll her. He almost succeeded.

Leo found himself missing her a lot. Her poise and dry, a bit odd sense humour. Her wide smile when she'd do something that made others laugh or if she did something good. Her confusion listening to Donnie but at the same time fascination with all things science-y.

Leo often would find her, frowning with an empty, slightly glazed eyes after such sessions.

"Are you okay?" He asked her one time amused.

"I think my brain is evaporating," she replied in such deadpanned way making him laugh.

"You're not the only one," he snickered, reassuring her.

He missed their talks. She struggled a lot with her position, the future that was expected of her. He related to that. They would spend hours talking what would they do if they just could. Sometimes she'd fall asleep on his shoulder and he'd carry her to his bed, while he'd sleep on the couch.

He missed seeing her watching Mikey cook. She once tried to help but as a result received a similar ban to Leo on entering the kitchen.

"I am really sorry about that pan," she told Leo later. "I could get him another one..."

It took a truly amazing cup of hot chocolate prepared by her to unban her entry.

Leo found himself listening for the tale tell clinking of her jewellery in the sewer tunnels that would announce her arrival. Sometimes he caught himself looking for the red tips of her feathers in the crowd. He tried to drop by her work a few times but due to the cold Amoxtli got herself shorter shifts.

The usual snow storms eventually completely cut her her 'outside' time to zero.

"Missing your girlfriend, Leo?" Donnie teased him once. "Wow, this feels so good to do that. Is this why you guys tease me so much about it?"

Leo snorted. "She's not my girlfriend, we are just... Very good friends. She's a princess."

"Yeah one who can bench press Raph and lay all four of us on a mat," Donnie pointed out.

"How's your mermaid girlfriend?" Leo changed the subject quickly.

"She's great! She's somewhere off the coast of Africa and found another merfolk village-" and that was enough to launch Donnie into an info dump of all the things he found out recently.

Leo politely stuck around listening to it. So much easier than talking about Amoxtli.

Then spring came around. After a round of usual shots Donnie made for them to manage their mating season better, Leo was excited to see his draconic friend again. To see those pitch black eyes and smell the shampoo. He imagined her stroll into the lair then them going in for a spar and then- hold a fucking second. Leo shook his head. Maybe seeing Amoxtli during the season wasn't a good idea...

"Hey, Donnie, uh, is you know the shot working for you?" He decided to check with his brother.

"Yeah. Mikey and Raph show positive reaction to the improved formula. Now that we're older I had to make it bit stronger. Especially for these two." Donnie grimaced a little. "Is something wrong with it for you?"

"Nope, all is good," Leo lied and quickly evacuated the lab.

It really didn't seem like anything else was wrong with him. He didn't experience heightened aggression or territorial instincts... He remembered one time Raph managed to avoid Donnie. The red terrapin got way to rough in the dojo almost breaking everything. They all had to hold him down for the shot...

But no, Leo was fine. Except for when he thought of his friend. It felt shameful. She didn't deserve him thinking of her like that. She was a proud warrior, a princess and a hundreds years old dragon.

"Seriously Leo get yourself together!!" He thought to himself.

One time, by the end of summer April invited them all to a cabin for vacation. Splinter encouraged them saying it would be good to recharge their batteries, maybe find new training techniques. Leo invited Amoxtli with them. There she showed them all her full form. They all had been gathering their jaws from the floor. She went from a 5 feet nothing woman, to the 33 feet tall humanoid, winged snake to a 20 feet wide, hundreds feet tall, with not 1 but 3 sets of feathery wings dragon. Leo thought to himself she was the most beautiful and terrifying thing he had ever seen. And according to her she was on a smaller side.

She offered them to fly them around. He, Mikey, Donnie and Casey took her on that. April, Master Splinter and Raph stayed on the ground. It was amazing. Exhilarating. Even if it was like a minute. They didn't want to risk too much. He remembered how happy and bouncy Amoxtli was after that.

His memory focused on how the top of her exposed her toned stomach. Her hair moving around, brushing over that long neck. Leo bit his lips. Fuck. What was wrong with him?

Then she came for a visit. Leo heard the excited yells from the main area. Mikey's greetings, Raph immediately jumping to get her to spar with him. Donnie probably waved from his work station. Leo took a deep breath in. Alright, calm down. Calm down. He exhaled.

She was there. Smiling at his brothers. Leo felt something boiling inside of him. When he looked up at his hand he noticed he crushed the doorframe. He took his hand away as if it burned. Fuck. He couldn't go and see her like that.

Meditation. Meditation would help him.

But Amoxtli noticed the lack of her friend among his brothers. She missed him the most during those cold winter months.

"Where's Leo?" She asked.

"Eh, Fearless is probably in his room being broody leader." Raph shrugged.

"I'll go check on him," she announced and immediately went towards Leo's room.

"Good luck!" Mikey hollered. The orange and red clad turtles snickered and fist bumped.

Amoxtli ventured into Leo's room, knocking politely.

"Can I come in?" She asked.

Leo's head snapped upward. He managed to steady himself for a little while with his meditation. Now she was here. He jumped up to his feet.

"Hi, uh," he called back, hesitating, looking around his pristine room. "I have a mess here!" He said, fully knowing she could tell he lied.

It gave her a pause. "Is something wrong?"

"No! No, everything is fine!" He tried.

"Leo..."

"I know!" He groaned. "I'm sorry."

"Do you want me to go away?" She sounded hurt.

Did he? "No, but if I see your right now, I might do something I'm not proud of," he replied. That was the truth.

"Like what? Do you want to talk about it?"

"Yes," he replied. He took a deep breath in. He could control himself, he could control everything. "Come in."

The door open and she stepped inside. Leo wasn't prepared. Somehow she opted today to wear more modern outfit. Her blue scales took on a shape of a wrap dress with a V neck. A cute bow tied around her waist. It was shorter than her usual skirt, the slit exposing her legs from about knee height. Amoxtli wasn't curvy but it still hugged her nicely. She even wore light blue heels, making her legs longer.

She noticed his look. "It was warm today and I saw a dress like this in a magazine. I thought it was nice," she explained sheepishly, swooshing the skirt of the dress a little..

He thought it was very nice too. His brain immediately supplied him with an idea of pushing it up or untying it like a present. With his teeth. "Breathe Leonardooo, breatheeee," he mentally scolded himself.

She closed the door behind her, separating them both from the lair.

"You look very nice," he managed to say, his mouth feeling dry.

"So, what's wrong?" She as usual went straight to the problem.

He sat on his bed and offered her a chair to keep a reasonable distance between them.

"Um, well," he started unable to look her in the eye. "It's spring, uh." He felt the need to change subject. "Do... do dragons have mating seasons?"

"Well... yes and no," she replied but tilted her head confused. "Only mated couples experience those usually until the first offspring is born, or egg is laid. Then their drive to mate lowers to managable levels, though I have been told it can vary from case to case."

"Mated couples?"

"Oh yes! Dragons mate for life, there's this whole beautiful ritual of soul tying. It's just amazing," she sighed delighted at the memory. "It's very special because finding your soulmate is the only way to reproduce. We live long but we don't have that many youngs because of it. But we can mate with just about any race outside of our own, which is a plus!" She explained.

He listened but at the same time his eyes were drawn to her knees, the way she held her legs together and the V-neck of her dress. He could just kneel in front of her and- he coughed and looked away. Boy was it getting hot in here or-. At the same time he scolded himself. Sex must have been so special for her species.

"That's why young dragons generally date around and copulate for fun to educate themselves and find a suitable mate later in life," she continued, dropping unknowingly bomb on his head.

"What?"

"My peers often had sex among each other for fun. I find it very similar to how humans are, minus the stigma and shame. It's just something we do to pass time," she added.

"Oh."

"I wasn't much for those though, uh, I'm very short for a female,. So they rarely invited me," she continued, looking at her hands," and I always found the need to at least like someone a little bit in those scenarios. I just don't understand how can you fuck someone and not be at least friends with them!"

He recognized the signs that she was rambling now. She tented to do that when agitated or nervous.

Leo slipped off of his bed. Like in that interrupted fantasy he knelt in front of her. There was something he learned from her all these months ago. Dragons in human shape were extremely easy to bruise. Or kill. That's why one had always do one thing.

"Can I touch you?"

Ask permission.

She looked at him, shocked, her eyebrows up and her crest flared up.

"Oh." She blinked. "Do... do turtles have mating seasons?"

He nodded.

"Oh," she looked to the close doors then to him. "Yes, you can."

Before he lost it completely. "Is this your first time?"

She shook her head. "No."

That was all he needed.

He lifted his hand to her legs. Her light brown skin paled a little over the winter but not too much. It was still smooth and soft. He kissed just above her knees. He heard her inhale deeply. He kissed the other leg, then slowly parted them for better access. Then he slid his hands upward over her thighs, pushing the dress up and further apart.

Amoxtli never wore underwear. If she needed for sparrings she always morphed her scales around for more appropriate wear. Today was no different.

Leo was already feeling a bit drunk from being able to touch her like that. He could feel her ass in his palms. The dress was hiding nothing now. From the blush he saw on her skin and the tell tale scent of her arousal growing she wasn't going to stop him. Her legs spread further and she slipped a bit lower in the chair.

Leo kissed a path for himself leading to her sex. He noted it didn't look any different from what he saw in porn in human women. She was smooth, with her inner lips poking out through the outer a little. He gave her a lick. She jumped a little but quickly settled.

He noted how she watched him. So he was going to give her a show. He sat more on the ground in more comfortable position and got to work. He kissed her lower lips as if he'd kiss her mouth. He tested her texture on his tongue, tracing the edges, pushing past them and sinking into her. He inhaled her musk and something within him churred pleased. He pushed his tongue into her, exploring her, tasting her further. She was so tight inside, so hot and wet. He felt her legs trembled, fighting him to close around his head. He almost. ALMOST. Let her.

He forced himself to pull out. His tongue traced a trail up, between a hood where her clit waited for him, hidden like a pearl. Or was supposed to be. No what he found were two little buttons. Well... wasn't that a curved ball. But he wouldn't be himself if he didn't think on his feet. He stroked an eight around them then licked like they were delightful ice creams.

Up to that point Amoxtli managed to keep quiet. Her hands were slowly crushing the seat beneath her, permantently embedding herself into the metal frame. Her breathing was quick and a deep blush spread over her chest and face. She never felt like this before. Self pleasure never felt like this before. Oh, gods above. She moaned, throwing her head back, completely surrendering to whatever magics Leo was casting upon her.

Then she felt his digits entering her and something choked inside her to be released in a long moan. But that wasn't all. Leo wasn't done yet. He sucked on her clits, rubbing them at the same time with the flat of his tongue, while his thick finger, hooked up began to pump quickly in and out of her.

She gripped onto his head, the released leg hooked behind his shell. Her peak build within her and when Leo added his second finger inside she cried out her release, last second slapping one hand over her mouth. She whimpered as Leo kept going to a couple seconds, while she rode her orgasm until she pushed him away.

His face was soaked. He was so proud of himself watching her sprawled out before him. He stood up stretching himself a little. They weren't done. And she knew it.

Before he could react Amoxtli grabbed his belt and pulled him to her. The force had him bend down where she captured his lips. With her feet she made him kneel again. Her deft fingers undid his belt and zipper. His pants dropped down and he was pushed further down. She growled at him and Leo never felt more turned on before.

Amoxtli climbed into his lap. Their mouths met again, hungry, frantic. Both fighting for dominance still. Her hands traced over his face to his neck. He finger resting under his chin, where she had a grap on the side of his throat. He gripped her at the back of her hair and pulled down. She rubbed herself over his cock, spreading her juices over him. His mouth fell open, catching breath, as he pulled away from their kiss. He reached down to stroke her and she moaned.

He saw blue scaled peppering her face. Her black, human eyes switching to yellow, reptilian ones. She pushed his head back, keep pushing, keep rubbing onto him. He was breathing heavily, fighting to keep his eyes open. Her mouth slipped over his neck. He felt her kissing a spot, then her tongue. Then her sharp, sharp teeth biting down.

Leo cried out. "Fuck!" He felt himself spill over his stomach.

Dangerous, fucking dangerous, she was. Poised and proper princess but here, now. He saw her. And she was gorgeous.

Leo picked Amoxtli up and pressed her to the wall. He held her legs hooked over his elbows, keeping her open for him to nail. Their eyes met. He was hungry for her. He kissed her like a starving man, sloppy, fast and hard. Then he pushed himself inside her.

She gasped into his mouth. She sank down on his pulling away from the kiss. Leo growled, his hips snapping fast inside her. Her nails - claws, sank into his biceps. Fascinated, she watched how his dick pierced her, fucked her into the wall. She didn't register her own moans anymore. His heat filled her, consumed her.

Leo watched her, so vulnerable under him. She could snap him like a twig without blinking and yet she let him do this. That thought shoot straight down to his core. He punched the wall above her as his seed filled her. Her walls squeezed him tight like a vice as she came just a second later.

"Again," he panted out.

This time they managed to get on the bed. He threw her on top of his sheets, face down. In a blink, her scales shrunk, the dress disappearing and forming just a belt around her midsection. It exposed a tattoo covering her entire back. Was he more conscious he'd ask about it. He will, most likely. Later.

Amoxtli raised on her knees and he grabbed her hips, slamming the air out of her as he entered her again.

It all turned blurr after that. When he came to he saw himself shooting the last weak strands of his seed into her mouth.

Leo collapsed. He was so thirsty. This time for water. His body was sore but god he felt so damn happy. Amoxtli nuzzled the side of his face. He noticed purple bruises in the shape of his hands on her arms and hips and legs. He noticed a thin trail of blood in the corner of her mouth and he could feel a sting in his shoulders and arms. They made so much mess.

A laughter bubbled inside him, their eyes met and the giggles erupted between them. They kissed, sweetly, lovingly.

"Amoxtli?"

"Yes?"

"Do you want to be more than friends?" He asked while the happy hormones that Donnie would know the name of were still there. While he still had the courage.

"Like dating?"

"Yes."

"I'd like that."

[fentrashcat]

Tourettes Awareness Month, May 26th!

Kinda lost track of the days so just gonna stop counting them and just do the date instead 😅

Today I'm going to go over some of my pet peeves/frustrations that are related to my tics/TS, or people reacting to it. Some of these I've mentioned before but I'll try to include new ones as well, don't mind my bitter old man persona coming out lol.

⚠️Everyone who has TS or tic disorders will have different experiences, this is just mine

Dentists!

So I have had a lot of bad experiences with dentists, even before my tics were severe enough to be diagnosed and now its even worse. Bc I'm anxious for the dentist, my tics can actually get really bad in the days leading up to it and the day of. I'm also prone to shut downs with dental stuff, so it's almost a double whammy. Luckily my most recent experiences with dentists have been really positive, and they've been extremely patient with me. However when I get a bad dentist the experience pretty much back tracks all the progress I had been making with the good ones.

It can just be really hard to manage my tics during an appointment, and I'm more prone to tic attacks in the days leading up to said appointment, even if I know who I'm seeing is good. This is starting to pass now tho and I actually went back with the dentist on my own for the first time since I was 7 or so last month.

Sleep interrupting!

Being too tired to sleep is a pretty common occurrence for me, unfortunately. When I'm sleep deprived I get more tics than usual, especially in my legs. Usually my legs don't tic bc I sit in ways that make it difficult (criss cross, one leg under the other, on my knees, ect), but when I'm laying down to sleep, it's much harder to find a position that stops leg tics. If I can't stop them, I end up kicking myself over and over, usually right as I'm about to fall asleep so I kick and I'm wide awake again. Some nights it only happens for like 10min and then I can sleep, but other nights it'll be HOURS. On the longer nights I'll try to sleep with my legs crossed or sitting up criss cross, but that's really hard to do sometimes. Most of the times on those nights I just give up on sleeping all together. The days after I don't sleep, I'm more twitchy and prone to attacks, then I either am allowed to sleep that night or just pass out from exhaustion after an attack.

Pre-tic premonition!

Sometimes I'll know I'm about to tic, and I can see I'm going to hurt myself or I know I'm going to throw something and there is literally nothing I can do, I'm just stuck knowing until the tic hits unless I suppress it, which doesn't always works, usually causes recoil, and can HURT.

Thunder!

So I used to love thunderstorms, and find peace in them, but as my tics got more severe, my relationship with thunder changed. Rolling thunder is okay but booming thunder makes me tic like crazy, as in when it's frequent enough I will tic myself dizzy or give myself a migraine. I of course live in a thunderstorm heavy area 😅

BTW if you're into mediocre poetry and have a spare dollar or a Kindle unlimited account, I actually wrote about this in my book I Want To Love the Thunder under the name Fen Lotor only on Amazon

People!

I was going to get into this a lot but honestly the stories kinda deserve their own post, mainly bc it'd be long and people may want to skip it bc the stories could be triggering so I'll generalize here-

1. People making me tic on purpose (luckily a rare occurrence but a really fucking shitty one)

2. People staring (yes its strange, and I understand glancing at me but sometimes people just stare until my tics stop but if I know someone is staring I tic more from the anxiety)

3. Stereotypes (a given)

4. Asking me questions while I'm actively having a tic attack (99% of the time I'm super open about questions but people sometimes don't ask until I'm having a severe attack even if they've seen minor tics or know I'm tourettic)

5. Balloon decor (maybe I'm biased bc I haven't been somewhere w balloon decor since prom but it seems anytime balloons are used as decor there is at least one person intent on popping them)

6. Immediately panicking when I start ticcing (it's less frequent now w people who know me but as soon as people know my tics CAN be caused by something negative they seem to think they are ALWAYS caused that way, no matter what I say so they start panicking and asking what's wrong and won't take "nothing is wrong" as an answer which stresses me out and makes me tic more)

7. 4th of July (this makes me sound like a scrooge and a hypocrite bc I like fireworks. I also don't mind headphoning up and blocking it out for a bit, but for some reason people around me celebrate from 6pm to 3am, July 1st-July 7th, and it's not even dark until 8pm or later)

Okay ended up ranting a bit lol. Thank you for reading, and as always my asks are open if anyone is curious or has questions I'll answer the best I can 😊

Also adding my cooking with Tourette's tag if anyone is curious. I almost included some info on cooking here but it doesn't really bother me enough to be a pet peeve

[kingofscoops]

Hi sweetie! For the for the 🎬 ask box game:

2 7 8 10 11 19 30 31 34 38 39 42

hii, this got long quick so i'm hiding under the cut hehe.

2. What movie do you wish you could unwatch?

Yes, there's probably more than one but the one that comes to mind the most is The Haunting of Redding Hospital, i like my horror movies and i thought this was gonna be an interesting one, but it was just so ridiculously boring i was annoyed at myself for buying it. (also i just looked at the reviews for it online and some people gave it 5 stars and i'm just thinking we're we even watching the same movie?! because it was garbage, pure utter predictable garbage)

7. Name a movie you’re emotionally attached to?

You've probably heard me talk about it several times by now, but it's The Goonies, was introduced to it by my late aunt when I was a kid and i've just loved it ever since.

8. What’s your comfort film?

Howl's Moving Castle, actually you know what make that just studio ghibli in general.

10. Most recent movie you saw in theaters?

Errrrrm... it's been a hot minute, i think it was Avengers Endgame, i keep meaning to go see more but i never remember what's on or coming out lol

11. A genre you just can’t stand.

i'd say probably romance, that's not me saying i've never watched anything from genre, there's probably movies in that genre i've watched and do enjoy, but romance can't be the sole genre for me it's gotta be woven in with something else or be like a minor side note in said movie. that and i just don't understand the appeal of some of them?

19. Name a movie so bad it’s good.

ThanksKilling, yeah from the outset it's a shitty produced thanksgiving themed horror, but if you're not taking the shitty production seriously then it's fucking hilarious, just don't watch the sequal ThanksKilling 3, it's kinda boring in comparison and i almost fell asleep watching it, no actually thinking about it i think i did genuinely half fall asleep while watching it lol - for reference i watched both of these as a lets watch with achievement hunter so it probably seemed funnier at the time lol.

30. Are you looking forward to any upcoming releases?

Well, since i finally watched Beetlejuice for the first time this this year, i'm currently looking forward to Beetlejuice Beetlejuice and it's pretty much the only thing i know currently soon releasing that i would actually consider watching.

31. Do you remember the first movie you saw in theaters?

I can't remember if it was the first first movie i ever saw in theaters but the earliest i can remember is A Bug's Life.

34. Which film is the most visually beautiful?

There's loads but it's hard to narrow down, so i am again just gonna answer, majority of the studio ghibli movies lol

38. In your opinion what is the most overrated movie?

There's not many i would considered overrated tbh? but there is something i don't plan on watching but i kept seeing ads for that i would maybe consider overrated? so yeah i kept seeing ads for This Ends With Us on constant repeat over on YT a while back, and while i understand the reason why the story has and is being told, both in movie and book form, i don't understand why anyone would want to go see a movie masking itself as a romantic movie when it's main plot point is about a women in an abusive relationship?

39. In your opinion what is the most underrated movie?

I haven't seen it in forever but I'm gonna go with Creep, and no not the 2014 movie of the same name people are probably thinking of that's about a videographer recording the wishes of a dying man? (idk i haven't watched it but may do in the future). No i'm talking about the 2004 movie called Creep, i'll try not to spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen it and may wish to watch but it revolves around a women getting trapped in the London Underground after missing her train home but she soon discovers she's not alone yada yada yada. I'll say it's underrated because, to me at least, it literally gets overshadowed by the movie of the same name and i never see this version ever get talked about, and it got me thinking of another horror/comedy called Severance (again not to be confused by the tv show of the same name) which i also haven't seen in forever. Put basically i think the British horror genre in general might be the one that's being made underrated lol.

42. Show me a pic of your favorite movie poster.

I don't have any movie posters up anymore unfortunately, but then i also have no space to put them, i do have an avengers infinity war/endgame canvas my parents got me for xmas one year, i know they knew i liked marvel but i'm not entirely sure the thought that process through as my rooms walls are more or less all covered by shelves or furniture of some sort, i guess it's the thought that counted huh? but anyway, here's a pic of fluff investigating the giant thing that i can't actually have in my room due to space lol

(it's currently in the corner of my parents room lol)

🍿🎬 Send me a movie ask 🎬🍿

[findingmypeace]

Edit: This post went in a different direction than I anticipated. Please read under the cut ONLY if internalized (meaning only about myself) fat phobia is not a trigger for you.

And I did it. I dissociated while b/ping. I was doing so well with no dissociation earlier. Ugh, so, so frustrating. I will probably spend the next hour cleaning up and getting ready for bed. I hate this part. It's like waking up and suddenly becoming aware of the world around you along with the whirlwind of b/ping.

Also, I'm going to work tomorrow. In-person. That part is not a problem. I do that at least 4 days a week, every week. The problem is I accidentally gave myself a black eye in the most millennial/Gen Z way possible. Laying on my back in bed this morning. I had just sort of woken up and was in and out of sleep. I was holding my cell phone right above my head. Started to fall asleep. Dropped it on my eye. Yep, I got a black eye from my cell phone! Learn from my idiocy, lol.

Finally, I have an appointment with an endocrinologist tomorrow morning. I am very excited. Yes, I am seeing it as this magic want that will make all the weight I've gained come off. I have been diagnosed with hypothyroidism but given some of my other symptoms I feel like something else is going on. My nightmare is that right now it takes me a month to lose X pounds and FOUR days to gain X + 2 pounds with NO change in behaviors. And it goes round and round in a circle for months on end. And this is how I a)ended up at this weight and b)led to such extreme behaviors before res. Behaviorally, if my body wasn't broken, I would have been at very different weight. Because despite those extreme behaviors this is what was happening over and over and over again.

TW: internalized fat phobia and not external

So, endocrinologist, please cure me. Please let me lose weight again. I can't live my life in this body. Why, why, why can't my body lose weight anymore? Like at all. No matter what my behaviors are. I am desperate. I am scared that I'm just going to keep gaining regardless of what I eat or my level of physical activity. Will it ever stop?

After doing my therapy homework I realized that having a thin body is my only sense of self-worth. But I'm gaining weight so fast that "the numbers don't add up" and I must be lying about actually having BED rather than Atypical AN b/p. That hurt. A lot. I'm not saying having BED is lower in the ed hierarchy, ugh! It's that I wasn't believed. And it was all because of my fat body. I'm not exaggerating. I have no doubt that someone in a smaller body would not be told they are denying binge eating behaviors. Who would ever believe that I was once underweight and for a long time? And I can't do anything about where I'm at now. Nothing. I feel trapped and completely out of control. I just want some relief. This is weird to say but I really want something to be wrong so that maybe, just maybe, there is some kind of thing that will once again allow me to control my weight.

I'm really sorry if anyone feels judged by this post. I put it under a cut because this is about my body and no one else. I don't want anyone to feel bad about themselves. I don't see others this way which has always confused me because why can't I say the same for myself? I just hate my body and even more so because nothing I do works to change it and I have repeatedly been on the receiving end of medical fat phobia. It's not my fault! I can't doing anything about it! Someone please listen to me instead of brushing me off with that disgusting, judgemental, fat phobic bullshit! "You look obese. Let's get you a free sample of wegovy." Fuck you! "We just want to help you reach your goals." Sure, that would be great. My goal is X pounds. I might die in the process of getting your help but it's fine. At least I'll be thin." Fuck you times 500. For new followers, yes this did happen. Just before I was almost sent to inpatient but my insurance wouldn't cover it (I'm fat) so I went to residential instead. I hate myself for spewing all this bullshit. It's all a product of my eating disorder and I know it's bullshit. But so is how I've been treated and I can't do anything to change it. I want to so bad but even if I eliminate food and water and survive on air I will still gain weight. Just like I did before treatment.

I'm sorry. I might delete this. It's too much emotion. These are deep, deep inner thoughts that I've been burying for so long and it's finally bubbling over. And I don't want to hurt anyone.

[messy-does-cosmology]

OK so I've had some plans for my new year's resolutions this year and so far they are going well-ish. But I thought I would post some of my experiences here since I love reading about other people doing it!

This is mostly focused on goals to do with trying to get better from my serious depression, which has been haunting me since about summer 2022, when my childhood friend killed herself. Anyway um reminder not to do that. Your life touches so many people, you have no idea the number of people who love you and who would drop everything to help. Killing yourself may be easier than changing your life into one you want to live, but it is also much much worse.

In January I am doing yoga every day (following the YWA challenge, which I also did last year and continued on for several months after). So far, I haven't missed a day or even postponed a day. I can't promise that won't happen but so far so good! Honestly I'm a natural procrastinator, and at first the positions were just as hard and uncomfortable as they were when I first started, but now I massively look forward to it every day! I am extremely bad at doing it significantly before bed though, and I'm lucky that it doesn't seem to have affected my sleep goals much.

I'm also doing Dry January, which, ngl, is pretty easy for me. It's much harder for my partner, who enjoys alcohol a lot and has definite alcoholic tenancies. Dry January really tends to reset our drinking as a couple though, and get us to be more intentional with it for at least a few months afterwards. We're also going to do stoptober this year, and I think it will be great to have another "firebreak" in the year for drinking.

Me and my partner both got FitBits in November/December, and they have been really life changing in terms of the amount of exercise we do now, and our habits. My partner is also able to see the direct impact that drinking has on his health metrics (like HRV). I have learned that my HRV is absolute garbage, and idk why lol.

My final goal for January was to stick to a regular sleep schedule. This is going pretty well so far. For context, my usual sleep schedual was very unhelpful. I would go to bed at wildly varying times, same with waking up, I would sometimes only fall asleep at like 6am, I would sleep until 3pm regularly. It was miserable, and terrible for my mental health. I have only had two slip ups this month, one where I woke up at almost 1pm, and one where I went to sleep at around 2:50am or so (still so much better than before!!). Honestly this one has been the hardest, but having a fitbit to keep me accountable has really helped.

Another thing I have found extremely helpful this month is a supplement called L-glutamine. Because of my diet, my very very bad disordered diet, I basically get no nutrients anyway. I have tried taking supplements before, but they have never had this much of an impact! L-glutamine is just an amino acid which is fuel for your gut biome and helps you recover faster from exercise. It seems to have helped with so much more though! I am more awake, my hunger signals are more normal and less deathly painful, and my body feels much better able to cope with the increased exercise I'm getting (we moved house, so I am now either walking 40 mins or biking to work instead of the bus, so lots more exercise overall). Honestly couldn't reccomend enough. I would say if you get some though, get the powder version and not the capsules. In order to get an adequate dose per day, you need to take loads of capsules, around 15g of the powder. I mix the powder with fizzy drinks (I know) and just drink it. A little gritty at first, but I got used to it fast.