#it's incredibly frustrating and demoralizing

[halfdeadwallfly]

the only thing getting me through is the thought that i don't have physics lab next week

[elumish]

it's not even a work day, and I'm having Bad Work Feelings. 0/10 do not recommend.

[deepsixsquid]

Me: Hmm, I'm definitely gettin better, but I feel like I need another step, I should go back to X rank and try to push things

X rank: Teams that are hellbent against cooperations, too busy arguing over who's leading, always gotta have one, or two, people screamin "This Way!" at every given opportunity, even when nothing is happening, overly punishing loses, minimal gains, forever stuck in the lower levels, etc. :3

Me: [Stares into the camera for an uncomfortable amount of time] Welp, by golly

[nat20composure]

Astarion and Agency- The Necessity of Discomfort to Self Discovery and the Infantilization of Victims

Minor Astarion discourse ahead that mentions the treatment of SA victims post-abuse:

I want to open this post up just with like. The statement that I don't think there is a correct way to enjoy media and that I LOVE to see individual head cannons and takes on characters in media. I think that is also, to a degree, an integral part of video games because of how unique the experience of playing a game will be to every person who plays it. But it has been making me feel so incredibly sad looking through fan content, art, or discourse for BG3 specifically because of how many people have taken the route of infantilizing Astarion.

I understand the instinct to shield or protect an individual that you love and care for. I also understand that because of the nature of the things that Astarion goes through, a lot of people also feel very deep emotional stakes in him. I'm one of the many fans of the character who is a victim of SA and CSA, I really do get it. That is also why for me personally it is so demoralizing to watch so many people treat him like he is a child who cannot make his own decisions or stand up for himself. Part of that frustration stems from it feeling like a media literacy issue, and the other part of that sense of defeat is just because it feels indicative of a broader attitude that people seem to hold towards victims of abuse, particularly those who are victims of SA.

To explain what I mean by people infantilizing him: I see so many people refuse to allow him the opportunity to be hurt, or to feel uncomfortable. They see this character who has been through an immensely horrible and traumatic experience, and their instinct is to try and shield him from anything else that has the potential to upset him. I get that the people who want that aren't doing it with malicious intent, but frankly it is not really...Helpful? To try and prevent victims from Experiencing Discomfort tm. I also think it kind of disregards the entire thesis of Astarion's character and arc.

When you go through something that robs you of your selfhood and agency, the world can become a crushingly terrifying place. In Astarion, that fear presents itself in a desperation for power, control, and at the core of both of these desires- Safety. One thing the game is clear about is that he has a right to kill his abuser. He has a right to escape his situation. A lot of Astarion's personal arc is centered around being able to finally do that. But the game doesn't just leave it off at getting him to safety. So much of it is also about him needing to take responsibility for himself and his actions, with needing to learn who he as a person is.

The inclusion of the Gur children and Sebastian as characters is a good example of ways in which the game gives Astarion the opportunity to take responsibility. I think that if the intention of the arc was meant to be that "Astarion should never ever have to deal with being afraid or uncomfortable again", then the Ascended arc wouldn't Come with such heavy moral ramifications, like sacrificing the other people just like him, killing the victims he lured in, literal child murder. The game infers that he doesn't deserve to die because of the things he Needed to do to survive, but it also makes it very clear that there is a difference between addressing an Active Threat and using your fear as an excuse to hurt others. Breaking that cycle of abuse when he finally gets the chance to is what separates Spawn Astarion from Cazador.

Taking responsibility for himself, and letting himself sit in the discomfort of vulnerability ultimately ends up being a thing that he is very proud of and cherishes. If you tell him you will make sure nothing like that ever again he himself says that he doesn't want you to be his protector. And so it blows my mind when people go into all of these discussions about Astarion with this...Weird moral high ground for never, ever making or letting him make choices that might hurt him?

I see this the most when it comes to discussions about the possible polyamorous relationship with Halsin and the interaction with the drow twins in the brothel. So many people are just...outright angry? At other people engaging with either of those options? And I feel like that anger is one) rooted in the projection of their Own feelings on non-monogamy and what a victim of SA can or cannot look like. and two) Relies on undermining the agency that Astarion BEGS you for at every turn.

When it comes to the drow twins, the game adapts Astarion's response to them based on where he is in his own personal development (a really cool thing imo). Obviously, if he still doesn't feel good or safe about engaging with sex he declines and says you can feel free, though he hopes you aren't just doing it because he hasn't had sex with you. I think this makes sense: He's just gotten out of a situation where his Safety and worth were directly tied to him having sex. I imagine he feels afraid that not wanting to have sex with you makes him replaceable or inadequate because at this point in the game, he feels like that's all he has to offer. The interaction is relatively the same if you ask him for a poly amorous relationship with Halsin: He just asks you to reassure him that you aren't only doing it because he hasn't had sex with you, and then tells you he isn't worried about it otherwise.

A lot of people have taken the expression of that insecurity in combination with him still allowing you to go forward and do these things as him just "sucking it up" because he's afraid of losing you. (I am aware Shadowheart says he wouldn't be able to handle it when you ask her if you can date both of them- But keep in mind, Astarion says she wouldn't be able to either, and THAT obviously isn't true of her. For the purposes of this discussion I'm only including interactions with Astarion as a judgement of his character.) I understand that concern, but I feel this take disregards so many other points of dialogue, and is also continually rooted in the baseline vilification of discomfort.

To further go into it, the way that he speaks about both of these interactions changes significantly if you speak to him about it once he is completely free from Cazador, and has had time to allow himself to start reconnecting with himself and his sexuality on his terms. He has absolutely No reservations about an open or poly relationship with Halsin, and says he trusts that things will be ok because he one) feels secure in Your relationship and two) Knows Halsin is experienced and trusts him to not be a messy bitch about it.

I think that shift, in combination with the in game explanation of why he isn't ok with being in that sort of relationship with the other Origin Characters (for Lae'zel and Wyll, he says they'd never agree to that. For Shadowheart, he says she's not experienced with open relationships and that he doesn't think it'd work out. For Karlach, that it would break her heart. And for Gale, he says you need standards.) is a pretty good indicator that he doesn't actually care about polyamory or monogamy. I think the vilification of that choice relies on you picking and choosing when you do or do not believe Astarion or just outright not liking non-monogamy in the first place. This interaction has more to do with the player's choice and comfort level, and so is not as important to the broader discussion I am trying to have in this post.

The interaction that is more pertinent to not Allowing him to make decisions is, I think, the drow twins. If you interact with the drow twins after the completion of the Cazador questline, he is outright giddy at the prospect of interacting with the Drow twins. Specifically stating that he is excited to see how he likes these sorts of things now that he's free.

NOW- I do NOT think that he enjoys the act. The game makes that abundantly clear, and I'm not arguing that he has a great time. He obviously does not, and dissociates during it. That being said, allowing this interaction to happen does not make a player evil or selfish. You are not playing the hero if you decide to moderate his choices just because you do not think he is ready for it. Once again, no one is evil for Not doing it either, and I am not saying anybody has to want to. I am just saying that treating this choice like it is an evil choice to make relies on completely disregarding what He wants to do.

Astarion says so many times in the game that he is anxious about finally having the freedom to find out what he wants to do, and I think that his excitement for the drow twin exchange is one of the opportunities the game gives him to make a choice. He makes that choice- And it sucks for him. He doesn't enjoy the act, and having done it he would be able to move forward knowing that. I think it's really cool and important that the game represents that facet of recovering as a victim. While you are trying to renavigate who you are, you are going to make a million new choices you never had before. And sometimes those choices are going to suck ass. It would be a different matter if he knew these things would hurt him and went ahead and did them anyway. But so many people expect him to move forward avoiding even the Potential of being hurt, and I think that is extremely reductive of his arc and who he is.

Beyond the matter of interpersonal relationships, the choice between Ascending or not Ascending Astarion is not a matter of choosing the lesser of two evils. It is a choice between his fear and his humanity. Between letting his trauma and his fear define him for the rest of his immortal life, and allowing him the vulnerability of deciding who he is when he isn't running from the world. When he's willing to listen to the parts of himself that want to do right, that wants meaningful connection, that wants to be proud of himself. That wants to meet himself. To confront who he is when someone else isn't deciding that for him.

Astarion as a character is extremely ambitious, inquisitive, and adventurous, three traits that only become more and more evident as he breaks free from letting his own fear dictate how he lives his life. I don't understand how so many people can see him and want to take the core of his character away from him, when he spends the entire game fighting desperately to take it back.

Victims are not casts of the abuse they have gone through. Their shapes may be changed by the hands of others, they may have to relearn how to be the person they want to be. But they are not broken or irreparable or fragile. They do not need to be freed from the grip of one person to be held tight in the grip of another. It is so fucking unfair and self-important to think that your hands will be the ones that fix them. That your hands know better than theirs. I think the kindest thing you can do for a person is to trust them with themselves, and to listen when they tell you who they are and what they want. Please listen to the voices that have only just learned to speak. It is the only way they can get better at doing it.

[serpentarius]

ao3 writers I love you and see you and I know it can be demoralizing when the fic you’ve worked so hard on doesn’t get nearly enough reception as you’d hoped. Whether that’s in the form of hits or kudos or bookmarks or comments. I know it’s frustrating, but just know… there’s often no rhyme or reason to it. no discernible algorithm at play here.

please remind yourself that low numbers are NOT an inherent reflection on the quality of your work. I’ve read incredible, downright masterful stories that have just a few kudos and a handful of bookmarks; and I’ve read extremely popular fics that I simply don’t vibe with. And everything in between. There are so many factors involved—how big the fandom is, how popular the ship is, what kind of tags are included, how other people filter and search for fics, etc. etc... the list TRULY goes on. all this to say, the stats absolutely shouldn't be the thing that keeps you from writing.

be kind to yourself. keep creating, if that's something you want to do and have the energy for. please don't get discouraged. your art matters and is worth so much more than you might think.

if you see this, I’d love for you to drop some of your favourite fics you’ve written in the comments or reblogs ♥️

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Why do you only post 1 request/nrc family in one day? I remember you saying you finished all of it and it's in your scheduled. Why not post NRC fam twice a day?

[Referencing this blog update!]

Hey, so 💦 I’m sure it wasn’t your (the anon’s) intention for the suggestion to come off as a entitled or rude. However, it certainly didn’t make me feel good to read, especially since I was not asking for advice in the first place.

This blog is my own space in the fandom, so it’s only natural that I decide the pace of my posts and what kind of content is put out there. Whether I decide to post one, two, none, or more creative writing pieces a day is entirely up to my discretion and no one else’s. I don’t think it should warrant any further explanation—but let this be the one and only time I have to.

I understand that you may be eager for more content or for another masterlist to be put out. (Those are the only reasons I can think of for wanting 2 interactions posting a day instead of 1.) But I have my own reasons for why I don’t cram all my writing pieces to post in a short span of time. I want to leave breathing space between them and have time to casually talk about Twst. Regardless of whether or not I have finished pieces on the backburner to put up, I intentionally space my creative writing work out so people can sit with them, digest them, and (I hope) better appreciate them.

You don’t know this because you don’t see my queue, but I don’t have ONLY the remaining NRC Family Day interactions scheduled. I have 60ish other asks queued (3-4 per day). This isn’t even accounting for new asks I may get + reply to and add to the queue. Part of what I like about running this blog is the interaction and the discussion we can have on here, and I want to continue being able to do that. To post more creative works a day would mess up my preferred rhythm for the blog.

I ask that you try to put yourself in the shoes of the creator—be it be or someone else whose work you consume. Creators are putting out art, writing, etc., typically for free, for any fan passing by to enjoy (should they choose to). We are not beholden to this, but we choose to do it anyway out of love and passion for Twst. Now how do you think we feel when someone comes up to us after already gobbling up our creations and asking (sometimes demanding) for more? Does that not read as… I don’t know, a little callous and ungrateful? It dehumanizes the creator and makes them little more than a content farm churning out the next hit of dopamine. That’s so incredibly demoralizing 😔 It grossly undervalues what we do. And it definitely does not encourage us to want to continue creating.

At one point, I was satisfied frequently posting multiple writing pieces a day. That is no longer true. It had become stifling and thankless so I intentionally stepped back and have been much happier since.

I hope I was able to get my thoughts across well 💦 It’s just a really frustrating sentiment…

[femenaces]

I have been approached more than once by my local news station and have given extensive interviews at their request about what is happening at the EPA and what the consequences will be, and every time the reporters seem genuinely invested and ask me tons of in depth questions, say that they are trying to get this news out, take down my personal contact information so they can get in touch with me again…. and then the story either never comes out, or like tonight, everything I said about the topic they flagged me down for gets cut and they only include some random side question I answered about fucking crowd size and turnout.

Why do they keep flagging me down on the basis of wanting to know about EPA impacts then????? Like wtf???

This honestly feels suspicious as fuck, I do think these local reporters are legitimately trying to get this news out, but are being stopped by the people above them and/or the big parent media company that owns the local stations. I am so incredibly frustrated and I’m trying not to let this ruin my whole weekend. So fucking demoralizing. It’s so hard to create change and get crucial information out when there is no modern avenue not controlled by billionaires and politicians. I feel like an ant under a big shoe.

[cryingpariah]

Dragon hitting Sabo with that “you are my son, not my contingency plan” after Sabo almost gets himself killed for being reckless and responding to the anti-recklessness lecture with the “I know, I know. I’m supposed to lead if you get got” and that is nOT THE POINT SABO.

As frustrated as he is, Dragon doesn’t blame Sabo for his thinking. Nobles weren’t exactly subtle with how they viewed their offspring, at best you were a shiny chess piece, destined to be married off into another affluent family but at worst… And now with his memories back there’s been this withdrawal that neither of them have probably acknowledged. Dragon had genuinely believed it was due to all the new work he’s been assigning the kid so he’s been cutting back but Sabo still retreats, all while denying that’s what he’s doing. It’s what led them to right now, to Sabo equating his life here as just a backup for him.

Dragon had lived so much of his time in the Marines with that exact mindset thrust upon him. If something, heaven forbid, were to happen to Garp the Fist well they could rest easy now knowing Dragon was around to pick up the slack! It was incredibly demoralizing and worst of all, it took very little for him to internalize it. How many nights did he spend training obsessively to reach the peak of a mountain he had never wanted to climb to begin with? And without him even realizing it the cycle had continued…

“Sabo.” He took the blonde's head in his hands (resisting the urge to somehow shake his head rid of these thoughts).

“You are not my reserve. You are not my back up plan or substitute. You are a freedom fighter, friend, comrade, brother and son. You are worth so much more than some blaze of glory ending. Did I make you feel like you had to-.”

“NO NO YOU HAVEN'T! IT'S JUST…is that the whole point? To carry the torch, to be what the world needs?”

“At the expense of yourself?”

Sabo's mouth opened and closed in rapid succession before deflating. Still stubborn as he was he pointedly looked anywhere that wasn’t Dragon.

“Like you’re one to talk ya dang hypocrite..”

Oof, hit him where it hurts kiddo. Then again, probably should have seen it coming…

“Alright fair enough. I could definitely to have some..healthier habits. How about we try together then?”

A quick glance. “Yeah? You mean it?”

“I mean it.”

“Shake it on, East Blue style?” Sabo quickly spat in his palm before outstretching it to his father. Dragon chuckled before doing the same.

“…This is gross.”

“Mhm! That’s how you know it’s binding!”

[lunar-years]

Last thing I’m going to post before I go to bed but I just want to say one of the most frustrating things about social media during elections is all the outsiders who swoop in to demoralize and demean communities they aren’t a part of. I don’t think it’s always (or even mostly) an intentional thing, just that a lot of people post without even thinking, and don’t realize how insensitive theyre being. But it’s SO incredibly disheartening to see the community you’re a part of, 1) being made into a punchline or, 2) offhandedly dismissed, when you already feel like shit.

Yes, I think if you live in Florida you get to be a little bit like “fuck Florida,” and as someone who lives in Ohio I get to be a little bit “fuck Ohio.” It’s okay to vent our frustrations and express our feelings. But when the only thing someone focus on are meaningless blanket statements, and especially when someone who doesn’t live here makes a blasé remark or a “joke” about how horrible certain red states inherently are, without ANY attempt at a wider, meaningful examination of why those states are/have turned red or the nationwide shifts and alarming dynamics at play that are causing a spike in red votes (such as the rise in young men voting republican, for instance), such remarks are harmful. They seem to ignore both the hard work people are doing in their own communities and states to try, relentlessly, to facilitate hard changes, AND the fail to acknowledge or empathize with how deeply devastating these results are/will be for the basic rights of real people.

Same goes for international folks as well. I saw a tweet earlier from someone in Europe that was like “it’s kinda disappointing that the election is going to be so close, idk. Americans need to do better.” And I knowww tomorrow there’s going to be an influx of people from other countries typing out “why are Americans so dumb lmao” or the like and then clicking post. These may seem very innocuous, but I also find myself wanting to comment on every one like, “hey! Do you realize how deeply unhelpful that is!” …We are TRYING to do better. Many, many, many good people are on the ground trying and fighting and working very very hard to create visible and lasting changes because we love our communities and country.

I guess what I’m trying to say is it is great and in fact encouraged to get involved and be educated on issues that don’t necessarily directly effect you, or at least don’t effect you the most, BUT if you aren’t going to engage with those issues in any critical or meaningful way, why speak on it at all? You aren’t helping us by making a joke about results that are going to cost the real lives and livelihoods and wellbeing of many.

[yuurei20]

Translation from Twisted Wonderland the 2nd novel: Leona and Jack (pt1/4)

"It was three years ago, when Jack was still in middle school.

He saw the Night Raven College Spelldrive tournament on television, and had been captivated."

With their flawless teamwork, Savanaclaw Dorm had secured an overwhelming victory. And there was one athlete, in particular, that Jack hadn't been able to take his eyes off of. His judgement, agility and skills were beyond compare, and the entire team had revolved around him.

A first year student who had only just enrolled: Leona Kingscholar.

'So this is the kind of amazing person that goes to Night Raven College.' Jack had recorded the match immediately, watching it over and over again.

If he had been on the opposing team, how would he have fought against Leona? If they had been on the same team, how would they have worked together? It was fun just to think about.

The following year, that Malleus Draconia had enrolled in the school. There had been a lot of talk leading up to the competition and, as expected, Malleus alone had dominated with his exceptional talent.

Jack watched Savanaclaw suffer a brutal defeat, but he had not been disappointed. Instead, he had felt a surge of passion. He had been deeply moved by the sight of Leona and his team fighting with all they had, and losing.

Admittedly, those who saw the tournament that day spoke of nothing but Malleus. Not a single other player on the field had been able to leave any sort of impression whatsoever.

But standing and fighting against such a formidable opponent and giving it their all--Savanaclaw had been awe-inspiring.

No matter how incredible Malleus’ power might be, from a team perspective, Savanaclaw—led by Leona, whom they had made into their boss—had excelled far beyond everyone else.

The roar of frustration that Leona released that day had stirred something alive inside of Jack.

Someday, I want to fight someone as strong as he is.

‘Back then, you were so amazing when you tried. That’s why I…!’

‘Don’t act like you already know all that’s going on, new kid!’ Leona’s reprimand echoes around them, putting everyone on edge.

There is no creature alive that will not cower before a lion’s roar.

Even Ruggie, who can be said to be Leona’s confidant, holds his breath.

‘You’re telling me to try? What a joke. And what will that change?’ Leona’s anger is most acute, intimidating to the point it is demoralizing.

Faced with such pressure from a man who is normally so unreadable, Jack feels sweat running down his back."

[charmwasjess]

Wait a second, Plo Kloon found Sifo's saber. Was he old enough to know him? Or have heard of him second-hand? If not that's a missed opportunity it should have been found by someone with a connection (Hat Man probably just wanted his fav and the Wolfpack to appear more often).

They did know each other! 

Plo Koon and Sifo-Dyas served as colleagues on the Jedi Council together prior to TPM. Plo knew him well enough to pipe up during the "Council Members Bash (Freshly-Murdered) Sifo-Dyas" scene at the end of the Living Force novel. He talks about how Sifo-Dyas was rushing and taking shortcuts and breaking rules as a Seeker, and seems in agreement with the rest of the Council in that scene that Sifo-Dyas was out of control and deserved to get fired. (Sifo’s first plan prior to the clone army seems to have been to save the Order by swelling the ranks with as many future Jedi defenders as possible - interestingly, regardless of their Force sensitive status. ...I may have some wild speculations about this. It also seemed implied that Sifo-Dyas might’ve had visions of Project Harvester and that the Sith would go after Force sensitive kids throughout the galaxy if he didn’t Do Something.)

Whether Plo and Sifo-Dyas’s relationship was warm outside of this professional conflict remains up in the air, but I kind of doubt it. Sifo-Dyas, a recreational troublemaker and sarcastic ass before he started having visions of the apocalypse, (accurately) believed himself to be in a life or death rush to save his entire people and the literal galaxy and was willing to be every kind of problem about it. I feel awful for him of course - I think his own life must have been incredibly frustrating, demoralizing, and agonizing to him in that era, but I’m not surprised he wasn’t a popular coworker. 

I do suspect Plo’s inclusion was his blorbo status with the hat fiend, but I’m happy that it was Obi-Wan (and Anakin) who end up being the ones to unravel things around Sifo-Dyas’s murder as much as they do in the Lost Ones episode. There’s some symmetry there with Obi-Wan being the one to start unraveling the Kamino puzzle in AotC and see it out.

[physalian]

What No One Tells You About Writing #7 —The Editing Edition

Today’s list is all about the post-draft process, as I slog through another round of it.

Part 6

Part 5

Part 4

1. No one cares about your book baby as much as you do

Trying to say this as objectively as possible, but it remains an ugly truth. Your WIP might very well be the most important project on your mind for months. Unless you have a significant other totally and completely invested in your writing journey, no one else will have the same priorities you do concerning your beta readers and editors. They all have their own lives and jobs to think about.

Whether it’s your editors not approaching your book with the same level of emotion as you do, or not working on your timetable as quickly as you’d want them to, your book’s biggest cheerleader will remain you, the author, and no one else. Doesn’t mean your book is bad, niche, or boring, it’s just not as special to anyone else as it is to you.

2. Your editors will have their arbitrary hills to die on

I have said this in other ways before, but editors aren’t robots (or at least they shouldn’t be), and we all have our own reasons for not liking books, and those reasons probably aren’t reflective of you as an author. You can have an editor with moral objections to some of your themes and characters, but who is still quite competent at critiquing pacing and flow.

Or one who just fundamentally dislikes a side character or a romantic subplot, while agreeing that it is well-written. Or one who does not agree with how a scene should be told, what elements it should include, what they deem offensive, etc. This is why it’s important to have as many eyes on it as you can for a full spectrum of opinions. One editor might hate a scene that five others love. You can’t please everyone.

3. This is where you will hate your own narrative the most

The amount of times you will read over the same lines of dialogue, the same jokes, the same introspective pining, the same gushy romantic scene, can be incredibly frustrating and demoralizing. You’ll second-guess yourself constantly. You’ll wonder if it really is that funny or that romantic or that compelling. You’ll convince yourself that it’s dumb or pedantic or pretentious and consider deleting entire scenes and characters.

When you’re neck-deep in cleaning up crutch words and fixing syntax and arguing with yourself over the placement of a period or a comma or whether or not to use “said” or a different verb, there’s not much fun to be had. Go slow, step away from the project when it gets too much, and come back with fresh eyes later. You do your book baby no favors editing with an attitude.

4. Your favorite elements will end up on the cutting room floor

This is why I think it's important to archive your deleted scenes. Some characters, important lines of dialogue, or themes and motifs get axed as a byproduct of deleting the scenes that contain them. You can either shuffle those beats around to other areas of your book, or save them for a later WIP, or a sequel.

Sometimes your book isn't what you thought it would be, and that doesn't make it any lesser for what it is.

5. However long you think it’s going to take, guess again

As mentioned above, no one works on your time table. Beta readers can be very hard to find as the definition of what beta reading looks like isn’t very set in stone. How I beta read is very different from the work delivered by some that I hire as we all have different elements that we focus on.

Some try to edit your book into a story they want to read, overriding your voice as an author. Some only give line-edit feedback where you’re looking for more big picture notes, or vice versa. Some give less feedback than you think the narrative warrants.

Some skip entire scenes and leave you unknowing if there was just nothing special to say about them. Some will miss important edits that later editors slap with valid criticisms. Some just quit, and you have to start over. Some will give you vague feedback, or contradictory feedback, or feedback that just isn’t helpful and you have to do your best with what’s been given to you.

Editing is a very long and tedious process and vetting editors can get mighty difficult when we all have our own stipulations for what we think a quality edit means. It costs a pretty penny, too, if you’re like me with WIPs that consistently top 100k words.

—

In the end, editing remains vital to any story, original or fanfic or otherwise, if you want it to be as successful as it can be. I don’t think there is a perfect, flawless narrative out there, even by the greats. You’ve already dedicated so much of your time and effort into your work, do it justice by giving it the TLC it deserves.

[biblioflyer]

Critical Mutant Theory: Fictional Societies are Loose Allegories

This is the third entry in a longer essay about the pessimism of X-Men, why it is a pessimistic setting, and if that is indeed a fair reading at all. This part discusses some of the deeper influences of X-Men, the problems with direct analogies to the real world, and why X-Men is unable to move beyond depicted pogroms.

Part 1 laid out some of the core conceits of the setting.

Part 2 discusses theories of historical change.

However fitting events throughout history and the world might be for interpreting X-Men, it is by intent a culturally American setting with a majority culturally American writers and artists, the classic example being the assertion that over time Xavier has come to represent the thinking of Martin Luther King Jr. while Magneto represents Malcom X. 

Again, like everything else X-Men these are clumsy metaphors that cannot represent the complexities of either man or the movements they were influential within. These are metaphors that are exaggerated for effect by design and metaphors that have had decades across multiple mediums to evolve beyond their original conceits. The notion that this was the original conception of the characters also appears to be folklore, the associations with King and X came later which makes trying to apply real world historical movements, ideas, and events to the world of the X-Men that much less likely to be anything more than vaguely accurate, although occasionally by accident or intent it is spookily relevant.

Suffice to say I am also intimately familiar with the discourse around how political opportunists have flattened the lives and beliefs of King in particular in order to moralize about Black American failings and justify various disenfranchisements as a consequence of not living up to a mythology that is convenient for the comfortable and powerful. I’m also aware of how the mythologized King has been used to try to discredit other civil rights movements for being too disruptive, too ambitious, or too untidy. Something I think X-Men ‘97 does quite well is show us that the X-Men are often exhausted, demoralized, and even sometimes lash out in frustration and anger, but reliably recommit to acting upon their virtues.

The complexity of trying to use X-Men as a direct allegory is why the surface level nihilism of X-Men is worth unpacking. I’m fond of saying that we need to not forget that fictional societies are storytelling devices, not remote civilizations that have consistent internal rules that can be examined and codified by anthropologists. As storytelling devices, they can reflect our world in a funhouse mirror sort of way. 

Mutants are explicitly an invitation for people who have experienced aggression and unfreedom due to an arbitrary characteristic to feel represented, at least metaphorically.

More specifically, the X-Men setting is a storytelling device to talk about incredibly emotionally difficult concepts with some degree of emotional distance like bigotry, identity based violence, reform efforts, bitterness, systemic oppression, resistance, and the risks and rewards of rebellion or assimilation. If the victims in the setting make lasting gains that aren’t reversed, then the setting is either finished as a device for telling stories about bigotry or it needs to become more sophisticated. 

Lynchings and massacres are visceral events that the audience can easily grasp what is happening, why, and it gets the blood pumping. Something more rooted in the present might be someone being shot by the police because the police panicked and thought they were about to get shot with projectile spines or laser vision. A mutant being refused a home loan because they’re purple or being asked to file down their horns for their office job to avoid making the humans uncomfortable is very relevant but not particularly cinematic.

Because of the difficulty of trying to preserve familiar themes in a recognizable way while allowing the characters to achieve meaningful victories, the temptation is always very strong in any setting to reverse victories and prefer stasis or even make things significantly worse. There are opportunities for letting the heroes actually win and start a new “phase” of the story where the heroes are dealing with the consequences of winning as well as the ever present threat of revanchism. X-Men ‘97 even leaves the door open to this in small ways. Which will be the theme for the next installment.

[deoidesign]

Hello I stumbled across your profile and I just say I love your art style! I've gotta ask, how'd your develop it? And do you have any advice for someone who can't decide what they want their art to look like?

Thank you so much!

To be entirely honest, I don't feel like I truly "developed" my style. I feel a lot more like I finally let myself draw it! But I am incredibly deliberate with my work, and I do have clear tendencies and preferences... So I'll do my best to explain how I got to where I am now as an artist.

It's important to remember that "style" is something of a nebulous concept. It changes with you as you grow as a person, and most artists can work in and emulate many art styles! Art really is a form of communication with yourself, and your "style" is a reflection of the tendencies and preferences you have. My art does not look how it looked 5 years ago, and my art will look different 5 years from now too. I've changed, and my art reflects that!

(2012, 2018, 2023; two pieces I remember being incredibly proud of and considered my best work up til that point, and then my most recent piece)

What you need to do, as everyone will tell you, is study the fundamentals (anatomy, perspective, form and structure, lighting and shadow, color, and composition) so you have the proper tools to make the most informed decisions possible about your art, and so you can deliberately break or follow rules as you please for your desired effect. I know it sounds silly to learn rules if you're not gonna be following them anyways, but they help you be much more consistent and intentional! More knowledge is NEVER a bad thing to have!

However, I know it's a bit demoralizing to just be told to study fundamentals. Everyone knows you're supposed to do that, but it takes YEARS to learn, and people want their art to feel how they want it to now (which is very very very normal to want!)

So on that front, I have 2 follow up suggestions that I personally find helpful (of course, everyone is different, so it's not like this is the only way to learn! But, if it resonates with you, it might mean it will work for you too.)

1: Separate study from application

I believe this is beneficial for a few reasons:

If the goal of every piece is learning, it can become frustrating, overwhelming, and boring

It's harder to self critique when there are multiple variables to investigate. I like to study one fundamental at a time

Study (usually) works best with a large quantity of output, whereas application of knowledge (finished pieces) is often more satisfying and effective when you get to take your time

Deliberate practical application of what you've learned in a finished piece helps cement the learning in your mind, and also lets you get satisfying finished pieces with noticeable improvement after a good study session!

I've found that keeping these things separate helps me improve faster and more deliberately, and it takes a lot of the pressure off of both aspects! I'm not worried about my studies looking beautiful, they're just to learn! And I don't feel pressured to critique my finished pieces, cause they're just for fun and to make something pretty. I personally find this helps me have a much healthier relationship with my art.

When studying, copy! Copy things as best as you can, all the time. It gives you something to compare to for self critique (and of course, if you're copying someone else's work and you share the study, ALWAYS give credit, share the original, and say it was for study.) In application, don't copy: reference. Make it yours!

2: Let yourself do the things that feel "easy" or like "cheating"

This one is simpler: nothing in art is easy.

If something feels easy to you, most of the time it's not because it's actually any easier... It's because it's part of your natural tendencies and preferences! This took me forever to realize, but as long as you're actually doing some study, then you're learning. You don't need to learn All The Time. When you're doing the "application" portion, you should let yourself do whatever is actually the most fun and feels easiest! This is where your style will start to come through, and where you get to learn about yourself. Take the pressure off, and have fun!!!

The only cheating in art is theft. If you're not stealing, then it's allowed!

My whole life (and yes, still!) I'd get regular criticism about both my style and my subject matter. You will too. You'll see a thousand different styles, and a hundred different things to admire in each. Your heart will ache that you don't draw like others do.

But art is a form of communication with yourself. It's like your voice, or your accent; just something that's a part of you! It can be fun to mimic others', but when you sit to have a conversation you speak naturally. (I know some people want to and do change their voice, but this is a metaphor and metaphors aren't perfect)

Don't stress so much about what you want your art to look like, especially if you're not sure. There's a lot of value to be had in constant experimentation, I think it'd be rather boring to only draw one style the rest of my life. What I draw is what I want to see, right now, for who I am now! It's a part of me and comes naturally, if I let it!

I hope this helps!

[avalonandpals]

dbd headcanons because I don’t like how behavior does it

- the survivors sometimes wander off into the forest around the campfire to find destroyed campfires of long-dead survivor groups. they loot what they can find.

- everyone tends to have a “role” at the campfire, whether it be to search for supplies, build things, mend wounds, repair and create new clothing to try and break the hopeless feelings of an unchanging world, play music to try and stop everyone from losing their minds, etc etc.

- some people also steal materials from trials so they can use it to make little tents for people to reside in at the campfire.

- every now and again the entity will come over and tear all their shit down and they have to start over

- there is a lake directly “north” of where they are that is usually freezing cold, but sometimes during events it will become scalding hot and while it’s cooling back down again some survivors will go for a swim in its waters. if you swim to the very bottom without drowning or being comically thrown out of it by a giant tendril, you find a large glyph of some sorts that will take you into specific realms. It is INCREDIBLY hard to reach and has only been sort of done once.

- sometimes the entity will almost drown people who swim in it just for shits n giggles

- a colored comet is the empty soul of a survivor being sent to the void and truly “dying” forever. it is never a good thing to see.

- the only thing the survivors are allowed to drink is alcohol and the water from the lake

- all of the food in the realms is inedible. there are some “herbs” here and there in some realms like the red forest but they all taste horrible and are more often used for medical treatment

- if a survivor escapes a trial alive but injured and it doesn’t fully heal back at the campfire, they will go into their next trial injured

- if they escape but die back at camp, their dead body is taken out of sight as to not demoralize those at the fire. the second it disappears from view it starts “respawning”. about an hour later they come back to life with vague suppressed memories of what happened (trauma)

- people are very tired and loopy when brought back from the dead

- the entity CAN mess with people’s heads, but she more so enjoys watching them ruin themselves with whatever they come up with. (Example: she could make a couple think they’re cheating on each other to cause grief, OR have them watch each other die over and over again and let their feelings do the rest.)

- the campfire burns eternally, and anything it lights on fire will as well (some people use this to light cigarettes)

- sleeping drags you to the blood web if you have “points to spend”. if you have been there once after a trial already and fall back asleep you just sleep normally.

- when pierced by a hook, being unhooked causes the wound to heal at an inhuman speed to stop the survivor from bleeding out and keeping them in the trial for longer.

- the obsession has a mark on the side of their neck.

- survivors have a crude form of sign language that they do in order to communicate but still remain quiet in trials

- (technically canon but whatever), not all survivors trust each other

- when someone is aura reading using one of their perks, their eyes turn a solid color that changes depending on the person.

- some gifted endurance perks work how they do in game like how we’re gonna live forever grants downed people endurance when standing, it’d do the same thing in game where the survivor being hit with endurance flashes white for a second. survivors have no idea how this works but alright!

- some others survivors attempt to learn magic from others (like boons, potential energy, and invocations) but it’s R E A L L Y hard and thought impossible except for the few people who just… do. They often get frustrated and quit

[questionably-audhd-oracle]

Yknow what I’ve realized is that there’s an incredibly fine line to walk between being honest about your feelings and demoralizing the people around you.

I often have the urge to impress on people how serious my problems are, and I want to be honest with people how often and how urgently I feel awful. But after the first like, two times that you say honestly how bleak everything feels the people around you start to get exhausted and defensive and angry with you. I understand it, it’s frustrating to constantly hear someone be pessimistic or cynical, but most of the time they don’t acknowledge that what amounts to an annoyance to them is what I have to hear on loop in my head all the fucking time. They don’t say “I’m sorry you feel like shit 24/7” they just tell you to stop bothering them with it