#it's incredibly frustrating and demoralizing

[halfdeadwallfly]

the only thing getting me through is the thought that i don't have physics lab next week

[elumish]

it's not even a work day, and I'm having Bad Work Feelings. 0/10 do not recommend.

[deepsixsquid]

Me: Hmm, I'm definitely gettin better, but I feel like I need another step, I should go back to X rank and try to push things

X rank: Teams that are hellbent against cooperations, too busy arguing over who's leading, always gotta have one, or two, people screamin "This Way!" at every given opportunity, even when nothing is happening, overly punishing loses, minimal gains, forever stuck in the lower levels, etc. :3

Me: [Stares into the camera for an uncomfortable amount of time] Welp, by golly

[christinaseas]

believing disabled people when they say they can do something is just as important as believing them when they say they can't

[corvigae]

Every single time the Sims Team talk about Project Renee I lose more faith than I thought I had left for it

[nat20composure]

Astarion and Agency- The Necessity of Discomfort to Self Discovery and the Infantilization of Victims

Minor Astarion discourse ahead that mentions the treatment of SA victims post-abuse:

I want to open this post up just with like. The statement that I don't think there is a correct way to enjoy media and that I LOVE to see individual head cannons and takes on characters in media. I think that is also, to a degree, an integral part of video games because of how unique the experience of playing a game will be to every person who plays it. But it has been making me feel so incredibly sad looking through fan content, art, or discourse for BG3 specifically because of how many people have taken the route of infantilizing Astarion.

I understand the instinct to shield or protect an individual that you love and care for. I also understand that because of the nature of the things that Astarion goes through, a lot of people also feel very deep emotional stakes in him. I'm one of the many fans of the character who is a victim of SA and CSA, I really do get it. That is also why for me personally it is so demoralizing to watch so many people treat him like he is a child who cannot make his own decisions or stand up for himself. Part of that frustration stems from it feeling like a media literacy issue, and the other part of that sense of defeat is just because it feels indicative of a broader attitude that people seem to hold towards victims of abuse, particularly those who are victims of SA.

To explain what I mean by people infantilizing him: I see so many people refuse to allow him the opportunity to be hurt, or to feel uncomfortable. They see this character who has been through an immensely horrible and traumatic experience, and their instinct is to try and shield him from anything else that has the potential to upset him. I get that the people who want that aren't doing it with malicious intent, but frankly it is not really...Helpful? To try and prevent victims from Experiencing Discomfort tm. I also think it kind of disregards the entire thesis of Astarion's character and arc.

When you go through something that robs you of your selfhood and agency, the world can become a crushingly terrifying place. In Astarion, that fear presents itself in a desperation for power, control, and at the core of both of these desires- Safety. One thing the game is clear about is that he has a right to kill his abuser. He has a right to escape his situation. A lot of Astarion's personal arc is centered around being able to finally do that. But the game doesn't just leave it off at getting him to safety. So much of it is also about him needing to take responsibility for himself and his actions, with needing to learn who he as a person is.

The inclusion of the Gur children and Sebastian as characters is a good example of ways in which the game gives Astarion the opportunity to take responsibility. I think that if the intention of the arc was meant to be that "Astarion should never ever have to deal with being afraid or uncomfortable again", then the Ascended arc wouldn't Come with such heavy moral ramifications, like sacrificing the other people just like him, killing the victims he lured in, literal child murder. The game infers that he doesn't deserve to die because of the things he Needed to do to survive, but it also makes it very clear that there is a difference between addressing an Active Threat and using your fear as an excuse to hurt others. Breaking that cycle of abuse when he finally gets the chance to is what separates Spawn Astarion from Cazador.

Taking responsibility for himself, and letting himself sit in the discomfort of vulnerability ultimately ends up being a thing that he is very proud of and cherishes. If you tell him you will make sure nothing like that ever again he himself says that he doesn't want you to be his protector. And so it blows my mind when people go into all of these discussions about Astarion with this...Weird moral high ground for never, ever making or letting him make choices that might hurt him?

I see this the most when it comes to discussions about the possible polyamorous relationship with Halsin and the interaction with the drow twins in the brothel. So many people are just...outright angry? At other people engaging with either of those options? And I feel like that anger is one) rooted in the projection of their Own feelings on non-monogamy and what a victim of SA can or cannot look like. and two) Relies on undermining the agency that Astarion BEGS you for at every turn.

When it comes to the drow twins, the game adapts Astarion's response to them based on where he is in his own personal development (a really cool thing imo). Obviously, if he still doesn't feel good or safe about engaging with sex he declines and says you can feel free, though he hopes you aren't just doing it because he hasn't had sex with you. I think this makes sense: He's just gotten out of a situation where his Safety and worth were directly tied to him having sex. I imagine he feels afraid that not wanting to have sex with you makes him replaceable or inadequate because at this point in the game, he feels like that's all he has to offer. The interaction is relatively the same if you ask him for a poly amorous relationship with Halsin: He just asks you to reassure him that you aren't only doing it because he hasn't had sex with you, and then tells you he isn't worried about it otherwise.

A lot of people have taken the expression of that insecurity in combination with him still allowing you to go forward and do these things as him just "sucking it up" because he's afraid of losing you. (I am aware Shadowheart says he wouldn't be able to handle it when you ask her if you can date both of them- But keep in mind, Astarion says she wouldn't be able to either, and THAT obviously isn't true of her. For the purposes of this discussion I'm only including interactions with Astarion as a judgement of his character.) I understand that concern, but I feel this take disregards so many other points of dialogue, and is also continually rooted in the baseline vilification of discomfort.

To further go into it, the way that he speaks about both of these interactions changes significantly if you speak to him about it once he is completely free from Cazador, and has had time to allow himself to start reconnecting with himself and his sexuality on his terms. He has absolutely No reservations about an open or poly relationship with Halsin, and says he trusts that things will be ok because he one) feels secure in Your relationship and two) Knows Halsin is experienced and trusts him to not be a messy bitch about it.

I think that shift, in combination with the in game explanation of why he isn't ok with being in that sort of relationship with the other Origin Characters (for Lae'zel and Wyll, he says they'd never agree to that. For Shadowheart, he says she's not experienced with open relationships and that he doesn't think it'd work out. For Karlach, that it would break her heart. And for Gale, he says you need standards.) is a pretty good indicator that he doesn't actually care about polyamory or monogamy. I think the vilification of that choice relies on you picking and choosing when you do or do not believe Astarion or just outright not liking non-monogamy in the first place. This interaction has more to do with the player's choice and comfort level, and so is not as important to the broader discussion I am trying to have in this post.

The interaction that is more pertinent to not Allowing him to make decisions is, I think, the drow twins. If you interact with the drow twins after the completion of the Cazador questline, he is outright giddy at the prospect of interacting with the Drow twins. Specifically stating that he is excited to see how he likes these sorts of things now that he's free.

NOW- I do NOT think that he enjoys the act. The game makes that abundantly clear, and I'm not arguing that he has a great time. He obviously does not, and dissociates during it. That being said, allowing this interaction to happen does not make a player evil or selfish. You are not playing the hero if you decide to moderate his choices just because you do not think he is ready for it. Once again, no one is evil for Not doing it either, and I am not saying anybody has to want to. I am just saying that treating this choice like it is an evil choice to make relies on completely disregarding what He wants to do.

Astarion says so many times in the game that he is anxious about finally having the freedom to find out what he wants to do, and I think that his excitement for the drow twin exchange is one of the opportunities the game gives him to make a choice. He makes that choice- And it sucks for him. He doesn't enjoy the act, and having done it he would be able to move forward knowing that. I think it's really cool and important that the game represents that facet of recovering as a victim. While you are trying to renavigate who you are, you are going to make a million new choices you never had before. And sometimes those choices are going to suck ass. It would be a different matter if he knew these things would hurt him and went ahead and did them anyway. But so many people expect him to move forward avoiding even the Potential of being hurt, and I think that is extremely reductive of his arc and who he is.

Beyond the matter of interpersonal relationships, the choice between Ascending or not Ascending Astarion is not a matter of choosing the lesser of two evils. It is a choice between his fear and his humanity. Between letting his trauma and his fear define him for the rest of his immortal life, and allowing him the vulnerability of deciding who he is when he isn't running from the world. When he's willing to listen to the parts of himself that want to do right, that wants meaningful connection, that wants to be proud of himself. That wants to meet himself. To confront who he is when someone else isn't deciding that for him.

Astarion as a character is extremely ambitious, inquisitive, and adventurous, three traits that only become more and more evident as he breaks free from letting his own fear dictate how he lives his life. I don't understand how so many people can see him and want to take the core of his character away from him, when he spends the entire game fighting desperately to take it back.

Victims are not casts of the abuse they have gone through. Their shapes may be changed by the hands of others, they may have to relearn how to be the person they want to be. But they are not broken or irreparable or fragile. They do not need to be freed from the grip of one person to be held tight in the grip of another. It is so fucking unfair and self-important to think that your hands will be the ones that fix them. That your hands know better than theirs. I think the kindest thing you can do for a person is to trust them with themselves, and to listen when they tell you who they are and what they want. Please listen to the voices that have only just learned to speak. It is the only way they can get better at doing it.

[serpentarius]

ao3 writers I love you and see you and I know it can be demoralizing when the fic you’ve worked so hard on doesn’t get nearly enough reception as you’d hoped. Whether that’s in the form of hits or kudos or bookmarks or comments. I know it’s frustrating, but just know… there’s often no rhyme or reason to it. no discernible algorithm at play here.

please remind yourself that low numbers are NOT an inherent reflection on the quality of your work. I’ve read incredible, downright masterful stories that have just a few kudos and a handful of bookmarks; and I’ve read extremely popular fics that I simply don’t vibe with. And everything in between. There are so many factors involved—how big the fandom is, how popular the ship is, what kind of tags are included, how other people filter and search for fics, etc. etc... the list TRULY goes on. all this to say, the stats absolutely shouldn't be the thing that keeps you from writing.

be kind to yourself. keep creating, if that's something you want to do and have the energy for. please don't get discouraged. your art matters and is worth so much more than you might think.

if you see this, I’d love for you to drop some of your favourite fics you’ve written in the comments or reblogs ♥️

[yuurei20]

Translation from Twisted Wonderland the 2nd novel: Leona and Jack (pt1/4)

"It was three years ago, when Jack was still in middle school.

He saw the Night Raven College Spelldrive tournament on television, and had been captivated."

With their flawless teamwork, Savanaclaw Dorm had secured an overwhelming victory. And there was one athlete, in particular, that Jack hadn't been able to take his eyes off of. His judgement, agility and skills were beyond compare, and the entire team had revolved around him.

A first year student who had only just enrolled: Leona Kingscholar.

'So this is the kind of amazing person that goes to Night Raven College.' Jack had recorded the match immediately, watching it over and over again.

If he had been on the opposing team, how would he have fought against Leona? If they had been on the same team, how would they have worked together? It was fun just to think about.

The following year, that Malleus Draconia had enrolled in the school. There had been a lot of talk leading up to the competition and, as expected, Malleus alone had dominated with his exceptional talent.

Jack watched Savanaclaw suffer a brutal defeat, but he had not been disappointed. Instead, he had felt a surge of passion. He had been deeply moved by the sight of Leona and his team fighting with all they had, and losing.

Admittedly, those who saw the tournament that day spoke of nothing but Malleus. Not a single other player on the field had been able to leave any sort of impression whatsoever.

But standing and fighting against such a formidable opponent and giving it their all--Savanaclaw had been awe-inspiring.

No matter how incredible Malleus’ power might be, from a team perspective, Savanaclaw—led by Leona, whom they had made into their boss—had excelled far beyond everyone else.

The roar of frustration that Leona released that day had stirred something alive inside of Jack.

Someday, I want to fight someone as strong as he is.

‘Back then, you were so amazing when you tried. That’s why I…!’

‘Don’t act like you already know all that’s going on, new kid!’ Leona’s reprimand echoes around them, putting everyone on edge.

There is no creature alive that will not cower before a lion’s roar.

Even Ruggie, who can be said to be Leona’s confidant, holds his breath.

‘You’re telling me to try? What a joke. And what will that change?’ Leona’s anger is most acute, intimidating to the point it is demoralizing.

Faced with such pressure from a man who is normally so unreadable, Jack feels sweat running down his back."

[physalian]

What No One Tells You About Writing #7 —The Editing Edition

Today’s list is all about the post-draft process, as I slog through another round of it.

Part 6

Part 5

Part 4

1. No one cares about your book baby as much as you do

Trying to say this as objectively as possible, but it remains an ugly truth. Your WIP might very well be the most important project on your mind for months. Unless you have a significant other totally and completely invested in your writing journey, no one else will have the same priorities you do concerning your beta readers and editors. They all have their own lives and jobs to think about.

Whether it’s your editors not approaching your book with the same level of emotion as you do, or not working on your timetable as quickly as you’d want them to, your book’s biggest cheerleader will remain you, the author, and no one else. Doesn’t mean your book is bad, niche, or boring, it’s just not as special to anyone else as it is to you.

2. Your editors will have their arbitrary hills to die on

I have said this in other ways before, but editors aren’t robots (or at least they shouldn’t be), and we all have our own reasons for not liking books, and those reasons probably aren’t reflective of you as an author. You can have an editor with moral objections to some of your themes and characters, but who is still quite competent at critiquing pacing and flow.

Or one who just fundamentally dislikes a side character or a romantic subplot, while agreeing that it is well-written. Or one who does not agree with how a scene should be told, what elements it should include, what they deem offensive, etc. This is why it’s important to have as many eyes on it as you can for a full spectrum of opinions. One editor might hate a scene that five others love. You can’t please everyone.

3. This is where you will hate your own narrative the most

The amount of times you will read over the same lines of dialogue, the same jokes, the same introspective pining, the same gushy romantic scene, can be incredibly frustrating and demoralizing. You’ll second-guess yourself constantly. You’ll wonder if it really is that funny or that romantic or that compelling. You’ll convince yourself that it’s dumb or pedantic or pretentious and consider deleting entire scenes and characters.

When you’re neck-deep in cleaning up crutch words and fixing syntax and arguing with yourself over the placement of a period or a comma or whether or not to use “said” or a different verb, there’s not much fun to be had. Go slow, step away from the project when it gets too much, and come back with fresh eyes later. You do your book baby no favors editing with an attitude.

4. Your favorite elements will end up on the cutting room floor

This is why I think it's important to archive your deleted scenes. Some characters, important lines of dialogue, or themes and motifs get axed as a byproduct of deleting the scenes that contain them. You can either shuffle those beats around to other areas of your book, or save them for a later WIP, or a sequel.

Sometimes your book isn't what you thought it would be, and that doesn't make it any lesser for what it is.

5. However long you think it’s going to take, guess again

As mentioned above, no one works on your time table. Beta readers can be very hard to find as the definition of what beta reading looks like isn’t very set in stone. How I beta read is very different from the work delivered by some that I hire as we all have different elements that we focus on.

Some try to edit your book into a story they want to read, overriding your voice as an author. Some only give line-edit feedback where you’re looking for more big picture notes, or vice versa. Some give less feedback than you think the narrative warrants.

Some skip entire scenes and leave you unknowing if there was just nothing special to say about them. Some will miss important edits that later editors slap with valid criticisms. Some just quit, and you have to start over. Some will give you vague feedback, or contradictory feedback, or feedback that just isn’t helpful and you have to do your best with what’s been given to you.

Editing is a very long and tedious process and vetting editors can get mighty difficult when we all have our own stipulations for what we think a quality edit means. It costs a pretty penny, too, if you’re like me with WIPs that consistently top 100k words.

—

In the end, editing remains vital to any story, original or fanfic or otherwise, if you want it to be as successful as it can be. I don’t think there is a perfect, flawless narrative out there, even by the greats. You’ve already dedicated so much of your time and effort into your work, do it justice by giving it the TLC it deserves.

[biblioflyer]

Critical Mutant Theory: Fictional Societies are Loose Allegories

This is the third entry in a longer essay about the pessimism of X-Men, why it is a pessimistic setting, and if that is indeed a fair reading at all. This part discusses some of the deeper influences of X-Men, the problems with direct analogies to the real world, and why X-Men is unable to move beyond depicted pogroms.

Part 1 laid out some of the core conceits of the setting.

Part 2 discusses theories of historical change.

However fitting events throughout history and the world might be for interpreting X-Men, it is by intent a culturally American setting with a majority culturally American writers and artists, the classic example being the assertion that over time Xavier has come to represent the thinking of Martin Luther King Jr. while Magneto represents Malcom X. 

Again, like everything else X-Men these are clumsy metaphors that cannot represent the complexities of either man or the movements they were influential within. These are metaphors that are exaggerated for effect by design and metaphors that have had decades across multiple mediums to evolve beyond their original conceits. The notion that this was the original conception of the characters also appears to be folklore, the associations with King and X came later which makes trying to apply real world historical movements, ideas, and events to the world of the X-Men that much less likely to be anything more than vaguely accurate, although occasionally by accident or intent it is spookily relevant.

Suffice to say I am also intimately familiar with the discourse around how political opportunists have flattened the lives and beliefs of King in particular in order to moralize about Black American failings and justify various disenfranchisements as a consequence of not living up to a mythology that is convenient for the comfortable and powerful. I’m also aware of how the mythologized King has been used to try to discredit other civil rights movements for being too disruptive, too ambitious, or too untidy. Something I think X-Men ‘97 does quite well is show us that the X-Men are often exhausted, demoralized, and even sometimes lash out in frustration and anger, but reliably recommit to acting upon their virtues.

The complexity of trying to use X-Men as a direct allegory is why the surface level nihilism of X-Men is worth unpacking. I’m fond of saying that we need to not forget that fictional societies are storytelling devices, not remote civilizations that have consistent internal rules that can be examined and codified by anthropologists. As storytelling devices, they can reflect our world in a funhouse mirror sort of way. 

Mutants are explicitly an invitation for people who have experienced aggression and unfreedom due to an arbitrary characteristic to feel represented, at least metaphorically.

More specifically, the X-Men setting is a storytelling device to talk about incredibly emotionally difficult concepts with some degree of emotional distance like bigotry, identity based violence, reform efforts, bitterness, systemic oppression, resistance, and the risks and rewards of rebellion or assimilation. If the victims in the setting make lasting gains that aren’t reversed, then the setting is either finished as a device for telling stories about bigotry or it needs to become more sophisticated. 

Lynchings and massacres are visceral events that the audience can easily grasp what is happening, why, and it gets the blood pumping. Something more rooted in the present might be someone being shot by the police because the police panicked and thought they were about to get shot with projectile spines or laser vision. A mutant being refused a home loan because they’re purple or being asked to file down their horns for their office job to avoid making the humans uncomfortable is very relevant but not particularly cinematic.

Because of the difficulty of trying to preserve familiar themes in a recognizable way while allowing the characters to achieve meaningful victories, the temptation is always very strong in any setting to reverse victories and prefer stasis or even make things significantly worse. There are opportunities for letting the heroes actually win and start a new “phase” of the story where the heroes are dealing with the consequences of winning as well as the ever present threat of revanchism. X-Men ‘97 even leaves the door open to this in small ways. Which will be the theme for the next installment.

[deoidesign]

Hello I stumbled across your profile and I just say I love your art style! I've gotta ask, how'd your develop it? And do you have any advice for someone who can't decide what they want their art to look like?

Thank you so much!

To be entirely honest, I don't feel like I truly "developed" my style. I feel a lot more like I finally let myself draw it! But I am incredibly deliberate with my work, and I do have clear tendencies and preferences... So I'll do my best to explain how I got to where I am now as an artist.

It's important to remember that "style" is something of a nebulous concept. It changes with you as you grow as a person, and most artists can work in and emulate many art styles! Art really is a form of communication with yourself, and your "style" is a reflection of the tendencies and preferences you have. My art does not look how it looked 5 years ago, and my art will look different 5 years from now too. I've changed, and my art reflects that!

(2012, 2018, 2023; two pieces I remember being incredibly proud of and considered my best work up til that point, and then my most recent piece)

What you need to do, as everyone will tell you, is study the fundamentals (anatomy, perspective, form and structure, lighting and shadow, color, and composition) so you have the proper tools to make the most informed decisions possible about your art, and so you can deliberately break or follow rules as you please for your desired effect. I know it sounds silly to learn rules if you're not gonna be following them anyways, but they help you be much more consistent and intentional! More knowledge is NEVER a bad thing to have!

However, I know it's a bit demoralizing to just be told to study fundamentals. Everyone knows you're supposed to do that, but it takes YEARS to learn, and people want their art to feel how they want it to now (which is very very very normal to want!)

So on that front, I have 2 follow up suggestions that I personally find helpful (of course, everyone is different, so it's not like this is the only way to learn! But, if it resonates with you, it might mean it will work for you too.)

1: Separate study from application

I believe this is beneficial for a few reasons:

If the goal of every piece is learning, it can become frustrating, overwhelming, and boring

It's harder to self critique when there are multiple variables to investigate. I like to study one fundamental at a time

Study (usually) works best with a large quantity of output, whereas application of knowledge (finished pieces) is often more satisfying and effective when you get to take your time

Deliberate practical application of what you've learned in a finished piece helps cement the learning in your mind, and also lets you get satisfying finished pieces with noticeable improvement after a good study session!

I've found that keeping these things separate helps me improve faster and more deliberately, and it takes a lot of the pressure off of both aspects! I'm not worried about my studies looking beautiful, they're just to learn! And I don't feel pressured to critique my finished pieces, cause they're just for fun and to make something pretty. I personally find this helps me have a much healthier relationship with my art.

When studying, copy! Copy things as best as you can, all the time. It gives you something to compare to for self critique (and of course, if you're copying someone else's work and you share the study, ALWAYS give credit, share the original, and say it was for study.) In application, don't copy: reference. Make it yours!

2: Let yourself do the things that feel "easy" or like "cheating"

This one is simpler: nothing in art is easy.

If something feels easy to you, most of the time it's not because it's actually any easier... It's because it's part of your natural tendencies and preferences! This took me forever to realize, but as long as you're actually doing some study, then you're learning. You don't need to learn All The Time. When you're doing the "application" portion, you should let yourself do whatever is actually the most fun and feels easiest! This is where your style will start to come through, and where you get to learn about yourself. Take the pressure off, and have fun!!!

The only cheating in art is theft. If you're not stealing, then it's allowed!

My whole life (and yes, still!) I'd get regular criticism about both my style and my subject matter. You will too. You'll see a thousand different styles, and a hundred different things to admire in each. Your heart will ache that you don't draw like others do.

But art is a form of communication with yourself. It's like your voice, or your accent; just something that's a part of you! It can be fun to mimic others', but when you sit to have a conversation you speak naturally. (I know some people want to and do change their voice, but this is a metaphor and metaphors aren't perfect)

Don't stress so much about what you want your art to look like, especially if you're not sure. There's a lot of value to be had in constant experimentation, I think it'd be rather boring to only draw one style the rest of my life. What I draw is what I want to see, right now, for who I am now! It's a part of me and comes naturally, if I let it!

I hope this helps!

[wishingstarinajar]

I just wanted to tell anyone that being unable to cleanly sketch, and having trouble with clearly envisioning what you'd want to draw, doesn't make you a lesser artist.

I used to be able to sketch/line without doing several roughs beforehand; I could draw faces/characters without needing to tweak much afterward. But as I grew older, my health started to decline and stress began to seep into my life, I noticed that mental images have become vague and blurry. Nowadays, I need to do a lot of rough sketching to try and get that vague mental image down onto the canvas. And that makes me slow as well. I can take hours on a sketch to "get it right", be it for the linework following after or just as a sketch.

It's incredibly frustrating to not be able to "see" the idea while knowing you could do this ten years prior, without issue. It makes me envious of artists who just slap a nice-looking sketch down within half an hour or less. Or artists who don't need a rough sketch (or several) beforehand. It's at times demoralizing, especially when you join others in online drawing sessions like Magma and Drawpile, or you're streaming and feeling like you're taking forever.

So I just wanted to say, to anyone who struggles with this, that it is okay to take your time. Use those photo references if you can't envision things clearly. Make use of as many layers as you need to get that sketch to your liking, or as close to what you have in mind. Don't feel rushed by others; they don't mean to and plenty are supportive. It's okay to be slow, it's okay to be messy, and it's okay to feel bad as long as you pick yourself up and keep up the good fight.

[muriels-brainrot]

How do you cope with the fandom being so deceased

Like I genuinely suffer from needing external validation to create and I literally malfunction every time I post

What do I doooooooo

Oh boy, do I have a lot to say

First of all, I really feel you!! Q w Q And honestly, the way you feel is always on the back of my mind whenever I post. It's tough. There's no quick fix for these emotions

As the eldest child who left art school, when anything creative I do isn't successful, I spiral and immediately think I am not good. But that's not true, and I want to let you know that if you feel similarly, that's only natural and a universal feeling. Writing consumes so much of our time and thoughts. I think of Muriel when I wake and before I sleep, for goodness sake.

So I'm incredibly disheartened when the ideas I'm proud of receive little engagement. I started my blog expecting a large following, and felt discouraged when that didn't happen

I've sought advice on dealing with these feelings. Some people say "write for yourself!" or "that's unrealistic!" or "it will take you years, so just give up on the numbers game!"

They all have some truth in them. But it didn't ease my worries at all. Then, one day, this question came to mind while I was mulling it over:

"Will I feel more peace if I share this or keep it to myself?"

The whole reason why I started this blog is to make a huge ass love letter to our wonderful mountain man. So of course I want nothing to do but share

Do I still feel scared, frustrated, or demoralized? Very much so. But what's helped me most is learning to coexist with these feelings. I continue posting my ideas because keeping them to myself would be denying myself - and to me that's not that different from being dead

The feelings don't go away, and that's natural. But your ideas have value, even if they're not always acknowledged. I keep sharing because I want people to possibly see my work, and that's where I find my peace

You may find your peace differently though, and that's cool too! But I hope, dear Anon, that you keep going because it would be really sad if we have one less amazing person to share their *unique thoughts of our characters from this wonderful fandom

Here's another stupidly cheesy quote that helps me when I'm about to do anything and I feel unsure of myself:

If there were an answer I could give you to how the universe works, it wouldn't be special. It would just be machinery fulfilling its cosmic design. It would just be a big, dumb food processor. But since nothing seems to make sense, when you find something or someone that does, it's euphoria. In all this randomness and this pandemonium, you and Chidi (in this case, *you and your ideas, Anon) found each other, and you had a life together (in this case, you *being here in the fandom). Isn't that remarkable?

-Janet, The Good Place [2019]

Keep going, Anon, sending much love to you! 💚

*edit for cohesiveness

[mayakern]

Just jumping in here to add that support - it’s so difficult to find a well-fitting, comfortable skirt when you are fat and that difficulty goes up significantly when you want it to be ADORABLE too.

Ugh and shopping online is JUST as frustrating sometimes because not every size chart is made equal and not every size chart is made accurate. Shops will be like “we are plus-size 😏” and only go up to a 1x (😒) Sometimes I get stuff in the mail that SHOULD have fit but it doesn’t! And that’s so absolutely demoralizing when I already can’t shop at the average fucking store because of my size.

And then prices!!! I can afford it! $60 isn’t chump change for a lot of people - but it is so much more accessible then a lot of shit out there and I feel so fucking grateful that I can purchase what you lay out.

Especially because I love pastel fashion! And you actually have shit I can wear!!!! And it’s not just a basic skirt - (here hello it’s our 18th skirt in the same shade of mauve or plum 😬 just for you larger sized ppl lol) they’re GORGEOUS. They’re varied!!!! They’re different!!!!!!

I have eyed your skirts for such a long time and I finally just bought the beautiful ocean one and I feel SOOOO happy that I can wear something that cute and I feel CONFIDENT it’s going to fit even before it’s here and that I can afford it.

I get where people are coming from with natural fabrics I guess but I feel so protective of you every time that comes up as a consistent complaint because ugh you can’t solve every problem! You’re a small business that’s already doing what you can!

Every time I see this stuff roll across my dash, I’m like “shhh…. shhhh let me buy the pretty and affordable and inclusive skirts in peace, we understand, it’s not gonna happen right now, Maya’s already talked about this….omg look at the pretty waves take my money now.”

Sorry for all my swearing I just!!! You’re doing a good job!!! I swear all of it was just vehement enthusiasm for your good job. 💖💖💖 Thank you for what you do.

aw thank you this is incredibly sweet 🥺🥺

honestly i deal with this in my own life. i’ve been trying to find a cute and comfortable yellow crop top for a summer time version of my wario costume (which i usually wear a turtleneck for) and the shein/romwe/alieexpress listings have infected EVERYTHING making it so hard to search for anything bc all the listings will have a 3X option but then you’ll realize the 3X is, at most, a size 18 👹👹👹

obviously letter sizes mean NOTHING and we try not to use them too much in the store as your precise measurements will always give a MUCH better fit, but still that’s goddamn ridiculous

ANYWAY thank you for the kind words and i hope you love your skirt. also, as a general note, on the off chance one of our garments doesn’t fit you, especially if it is too small, we are always happy to do exchanges (if we have the appropriate size on hand) or returns. i would always rather people have a garment that fits and is comfortable or nothing, vs something they can’t wear.

[ducktollers]

2 5 6 18 30

omg thank u 👁️👁️ (artist asks)

2. hole entire life from as early as i can remember and i have some baby drawings for receipts. the demonic girafarig does not evolve and the iconic sawg boy (spent a bunch of time on that and showed it to my mom and she was like ‘thats not how u spell swag’ and i was like. TELL ME UR FUCKING JOKING RN)

5. probably cats bc theyre the easiest thing for me and cant usually go wrong 🤔 BUT i also rlly like drawing bugs i gotta draw more bugs 😤 also when i draw a hand and its successful. then hands are my new favourite thing to draw

6. least fave is probably like. mechanical technical angular stuff like cars or architecture cuz that shit way too complicated 😞 also faces but its weird bc i do like drawing them its just. so incredibly difficult for me 😭😭😭 and goes wrong so often smh

18. GOD im trying to improve on . everything. highkey its felt like for the last few years theres some ceiling ive hit w art and i cant figure out how to break thru and get better 😭 but specifically i wanna get better at my art looking less flat and more proportional and thought out??? like i never use any guidelines just vibes but i want it to look more ive drawn forms around a box and not on a square yk. but idk how to DO THAT it is sooooo frustrating 😞

30. omg i think like. mostly the rlly amazing artists i see on instagram and pinterest 😭 half the time i see them and feel demoralized but the other half i just wanna be as good as they are so my skill can match my ideas 😞

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like i see art like this and its so similar to stuff i already do but just. soooooo much better. and they have this sense of patience and 3 dimensionality and technical knowledge and i wanna be able to do that SO bad 😭😭😭

[excelsior9173]

job hunting is the most exhausting, demoralizing, and dehumanizing process i think i’ve ever experienced

i constantly feel useless, like i have no applicable skills and it’s honestly terrifying. but it’s also irritating because how am i supposed to gain any of these skills if no one will hire me and let me learn? all i want is to learn. but nowhere seems willing to even give the chance to develop. it’s all mandatory experience required and if you don’t have it fuck off don’t even bother

i am also incredibly frustrated by employers who don’t reach out even if it’s a rejection. at the very least it feels like a decent thing to do, just a quick “sorry, we didn’t select you for the position, good luck in your search!” would be sufficient. if they’re feeling real nice they could explain why they don’t think you’re a good fit. at least that would help me figure out what exactly i seem to be missing

i am just. so tired of sending applications. i am tired of looking at job postings. i am tired of thinking i’ve found a decent opportunity only to see experience requirements and being immediately rejected by a fucking ai system

anyways. sent one in to be a parks labourer, and also a receptionist at a car dealership. really hoping something pans out. i’ve applied for well over a dozen positions now and i know that that’s really not a lot in the long run but i’m so burnt out at my current job i desperately need a change and i’m getting impatient. plus i need a bigger paycheck so i can support my sister and i better. i don’t want her to stress about finances while she starts university. i need to make more to take care of us.