#it's the cycle of repeating it again and again out of refusal to admit your enjoyment

[eldritchflapper]

Thinking of how not saving my hentai is a metaphor for my abandonment issues

[dragonsholygrail]

Ghost bf craves more than anything to taste the nectar that gushes from your folds whenever he brings you to orgasm. The fact that he can’t ingest anything that’s not on his physical plane slowly brings him to feel as if he is dying all over again. Your essence so close and yet unreachable.

He refuses to give up, pumping load after load into your sloppy wet cunt. He grits his teeth, staring at the wet sheets under you in envy. The way they so easily soak up your glorious release. He doesn’t stop as he fucks his cock into you, watching you arch off the bed like a woman possessed.

His hand makes contact with your clit and you jolt, pleasurable goosebumps trailing down your legs. Your body seizes, exploding around his ghost cock just as he releases another hefty load inside of you.

Your bf doesn’t hesitate to slip out of you, leaving you to hiss at the faint stinging sensation. Your pussy fluttering closed now that his invisible length left you. His hands push against your soft thighs and you see them spreading wider in what appears to be all on their own.

A moan rips out of you, a much smaller pressure gliding between your puffy lips. Your ghost bf laps at your pussy, his spirit aching for just one taste of your sweetness.

“Wait…” you croak out, legs shaking. This being the umpteenth time he’s repeated this cycle, giving you an idea what of what he wants and is not getting.

When you don’t feel what you assume is his tongue a moment later, you weakly rise onto your elbows. Despite being spent, pleasure swirls in your gut as you watch his spectral-cum ooze out of you.

Reaching down you whimper at the sparks of over sensitivity as you move your fingers through your folds in small circles, mixing your release with his. Your breathing picks up, the sight more erotic than you can admit. But you can feel yourself growing wetter and you can only imagine your bfs smug expression.

“That should work, right?” You ask into your seemingly empty bedroom, not expecting an answer as always.

A moment later you feel that pressure return, a gasp escaping your lips. Your bf slowly licks at your combined cum. His own musk crashes into his tastebuds and for a moment that’s all he tastes. But then, as if the door to the afterlife has finally been opened he tastes the most heavenly flavor as it coats his tongue.

Ghost bf moans, the sound moving through the wind and sending a shiver up your spine. You chuckle lightly but you quickly choke on it as your bf returns full force, happily slobbering up every last drop of cum he can find. His cock already prepped to do this all again.

[vivwritesfics]

angsty to fluff lando fic of reader getting insecure about herself and comparing herself to his ex gf and he reassures her🙏🙏

Y/N looked in the mirror. She was pretty, undeniably so, but she didn't see it that way. She turned from side to side, her phone open on Instagram on the floor in front of her.

She didn't follow her boyfriends ex, but, because of her likes, she came up as suggested. Y/N couldn't help but compare herself.

She wasn't like Lando's ex girlfriend. And it made her wonder. Why did he fall for her when his last girlfriend was so different? And how long until he realised this and went searching for something else?

The front door went, jolting Y/N away from her thoughts. Lando was home. Her boyfriend was home.

It was rare that Y/N let her thoughts get to her like this. But, when did did, Lando could always tell. She became quieter, more closed off. It was a repeating cycle, where Y/N would become closed off and Lando would give her time. But then he'd realise he misses his girlfriend so he'd wrap her in his arms and kiss her all over her face until she started giggling.

Yeah, Lando knew how to deal with this better than anybody. Of course, he didn't know why Y/N retreated into herself. He'd asked, sure, but she wouldn't tell him.

But things would quickly go back to normal. Using nothing but how much he loved her, Lando could get Y/N back to her usual smiling, giggling self.

But was happening more and more often.

It wasn't angering Lando, every time he came home and his girlfriend refused to meet his eye. No, it was worrying him. He just wanted her to be happy. He needed to get to the bottom of this.

Lando didn't know how he was going it. When Y/N wouldn't tell him, it was going to be incredibly difficult. But then, when Y/N went to the bathroom. She left her phone on the bed, screen unlocked on Instagram.

Lando picked up the phone. He wasn't trying to snoop, really. It was out of concern.

And then he saw it, the picture of his ex girlfriend up on Y/N's phone. What the hell?

Lando set off to the bathroom. He knocked on the door before pushing it open. "Lan, do you mind?" Y/N asked.

"Of course not."

No, Lando didn't mind. They'd been in the bathroom together a thousand times before. "Baby, what is this?" He asked as he leaned against the window ledge.

He turned the phone towards her and Y/N suddenly snatched it away from him. "That's my private business," she mumbled, locking the screen.

"Baby, come on. Just tell me what's going on, please," he begged, grabbing a hold of her hands. "I'm worried out you."

Suddenly, Y/N sobbed. She let out a sob, her head falling forward.

Lando let her finish up and met her back in the bedroom, the tear tracks still on her face. "Okay," she said with a shaky breath as she sat on the bed beside Lando.

"Okay?" He had to repeat when she said nothing more.

Y/N sucked in a deep breath. "I... am insecure. I'm really insecure, actually." It was weird to finally admit. After months of the odd spiral here or there, It was strange to finally get off her chest,

"But you have nothing to be insecure of," Lando said.

"But I do, Lan. I keep seeing the pictures of your ex and I can't help but wonder why you're with me." That bit she said quiet. It was embarrassing to admit that she let somebody else make her feel this way.

"No, baby, you don't," Lando insisted. "I love you, right?" He said and waited for her to nod her head. "And I love you for a reason, right?" Again, he waited for her to nod. "And you know there's a reason that I'm not with her again, right?"

Yeah, Y/N knew. There was a reason he and her broke up, she knew.

"And if I thought there was a reason I didn't want to be with you, I wouldn't, right?"

Maybe that was the wrong thing to say. Y/N punched his arm and Lando grabbed a hold of her, pulling her close. He wrestled her into a cuddling position and kissed the top of her head. "I love you, you muppet. Got that?"

"Got it."

[kissorkill15]

Rest Now, Fight Later

By JJ

Summary: The villain finds out the hero hasn't been keeping a proper sleep schedule.

Villain waited patiently for his nemesis to arrive, he couldn't wait to see the look on his stupid face when he realizes it was all a setup. A trap. A game.

He had a marvelous plan to destroy Hero once and for all. Sure it didn't work out the first few thousand times, but he was extremely sure it'd work this time.

Hero busted through the door, and he was still holding the letter from Villain in his clutches, and he did not looked very pleased.

"Where is he?"

"Hero, my dear, you finally made it. I was becoming impatient."

"Cut the bullshit, Villain. Where are you holding Sidekick?"

Villain turned around, snapped his fingers, and the doors slammed shut and locked themselves.

"Are you ever not going to fall for that, you imbecile?"

That's when Hero realized he'd been tricked. Again. Yes, he'd been tricked more than once. What'd you expect? Villain tricks Hero, Hero believes (because he's gullible), and shit like this happens.

"Alright, you got me right where you want me. But we both know how this ends. We fight, I win, and the cops come and arrest you. If you're ready for the same cycle to..."

Hero yawned extremely loud and long.

"...to repeat, then come on, let's dance."

Villain wasn't listening, he was too busy filing his nails. But when he heard Hero yawn, he set down his nail file.

"Was that a yawn?"

"Yeah. So?"

"Aren't you tired?"

"Tired? No! I can't be tired right now, I still have to kick your ass."

Villain shaked his head. "You can't fight me if you're tired, you idiot. You'd pass out before you even get to punch me in the face."

"No I wouldn't!"

"Go home, Hero. Go to sleep and we'll fight in the morning."

"NO!"

Villain turned to look at Hero, surprised at the sudden outburst. But that surprise quickly turned to sternness. "This is not up for debate, Hero."

"You're not the boss of me!"

"No, but I'm decent enough to let you take a break when you obviously need it. Go home and go to sleep."

"No!"

"Fine, then I'm calling someone to come pick you up."

"HA! Jokes on you, I live alone!"

The two stared at each other for about a minute or two, then Villain used his telepathic abilities to float Hero to his bedroom.

"Then you'll sleep here."

About a half hour later, Hero kept struggling and refusing to go to bed. It wasn't until Villain wrapped him up in a blanket burrito that he finally stopped fighting.

"Comfy?"

"Get me out of this."

"No, I don't trust you not to fight me."

"Well I don't trust you to let me sleep here all through the night. What if this is all another trick and I wake up tied to a chair?"

"It's not, I promise."

"Liar."

Before Hero could say anymore, Villain started singing a lullaby, melodic enough to put even the fussiest babies to sleep. If Hero wasn't tied up right now, he surely would've covered his ears to block out that sickeningly beautiful melody. Hero began to feel woozy, his eyes began to feel droopy, and soon enough, he was fast asleep.

Villain would never admit it to anyone, but he really thought Hero looked adorable when he was sleeping. It was no lie that he really cared for his nemesis, even though they fought on multiple occasions. What? Can a Villain not have a heart?

Villain sat beside Hero all through the night, watching him sleep so peacefully. Sure, he knew they had to fight in the morning, but he'd enjoy this moment while it lasted.

[elflock-magician]

Okay Hear Me Out!!

Levi Is A Killer And Ace Defends Levi With His Life Like Taka Was With Mondo In Danganronpa 1 THH!!

A/N - THIS IDEA <333

Summary - Levi is the culprit of a murder. Ace refuses to believe that truth.

Context!!! - Levi's reason for killing, I imagine is that in Chapter Four someone tries to kill Teruko again. Teruko accidentally stabs them, and then runs off out of fear and flashbacks from Xander trying to kill her. Levi discovers the body before they’re dead, and sees that no matter what they are going to die from blood loss. So Levi kills them so Teruko won’t be executed. Something something good-luck bad-luck cycle.

But I kept it vague in the story so if you wanna imagine something else then you can.

-

“So, the culprit is you, Levi Fontana, The Ultimate Personal Stylist!” Teruko called out and pointed at Levi from across the trial room.

The trial had been going on for the better part of two hours. Teruko had just finished summarizing the case and pointing out that Levi was the culprit. It was undeniable. Levi had done it. His reasoning for doing such lacked malice, or genuine hate, but that was no justification.

“You are the only person without a proper alibi at the time of the murder. And you were the only person who could have had the time to act out the murder. You’re the only one it could be!” Teruko explained.

“Teruko…” Levi murmured. The trial had been going on for a long time, and Levi had been a suspect for a long time. It seemed Levi had accepted his face. He hung his head. As opened his mouth to say something–

“You’re wrong!” Ace suddenly shouted.

“What? What do you mean ‘I’m wrong’?!” Teruko repeated angrily. “It’s over, we know Levi is the one who did it.” She said, “Fuck that! There’s no way Levi is the culprit!” Ace insisted. 

“He is the only option. How couldn’t it be him?” Teruko questioned. “Because I…” Ace’s voice trailed off, “I saw him! During… During the time you said he didn’t have an alibi, when you say he was killing someone, I saw him! And he wasn’t doing that. So… So fuck you! It wasn’t him.” Ace lied through his teeth. “...Ace?” Levi murmured, his eyes widening at the obvious lie. “The murder took place after dinner. You said you went directly to your room after dinner. Why would you lie about that up until now?” Teruko questioned, clearly seeing right through Ace’s lies.

“I didn’t fucking lie! It’s just– I… forgot. I went right back to my room, but saw Levi on the way. So he’s not the culprit. He’s not!” Ace insisted.

“Ace, please stop. It’s over.” Levi stated in a sadly solemn voice. “Levi… No! But you didn’t do it! So why are you…?” His voice trailed off as a devastated expression crossed Ace’s face.

“Are you finally going to admit it? That you’re the murderer?” Teruko said again, staring Levi down. Levi sighed. “Don’t listen to her! Levi’s innocent, I swear!” Ace continued to shout. Levi stopped hanging his head, and suddenly spoke, “I’m the murderer.” He said bluntly. A thick, thick silence fell onto the courtroom.

“I killed them.” He repeated. “I don’t want to survive if it costs the rest of you your lives. I am a terrible person. Though I believe a person is defined by their actions… perhaps that’s just a cold excuse for my heartlessness.” Levi muttered as he put a hand over his heart.

“Levi…” Ace murmured at Levi’s statement. There was heartache clear in Ace’s voice. “What are you saying?” He questioned. “I don’t want to deceive you any more than I already have.” Levi said solemnly. Ace’s eyes widened. No, he couldn’t believe that. He refused to believe Levi would do that. And he even more so refused to allow Levi, the only person he’s ever really trusted, to be executed right in front of him. “You’re lying! There’s no way you’d do that– that’s bullshit!” Ace shouted. “I’m sorry.” Was all Levi said as he hung his head. 

Ace fell silent, completely stunned. No, more than that. Devastated. He seemed… afraid. Too afraid to say anything. Hell, to even breathe. He just couldn’t believe that it was Levi. And he couldn’t believe that Levi would be executed.

“So you admit it then? You… Y-You’re the murderer…?” Eden questioned, her voice quiet and trembling.

“Indeed. I am sorry for lying to you all.” Levi stated. “I am ready to accept punishment for my crimes.” He said. “Stop it!” Ace shouted. “S–Stop… Stop lying.” He murmured. “Please.” He practically begged.

Levi didn’t say anything else. “I can’t ask to be forgiven. I know what I did. And I know you all feel betrayed. But even then…” Levi cut himself off, not wanting to finish his statement. “I… Uh… I love you all.” He said at last.

“Levi…” Ace murmured, his voice cracking as the emotions he tried to shut off bled through.

“Then you shouldn’t have killed them, Levi.” Was all Teruko said in response.

MonoTV broke the tense atmosphere and spoke up, “Well Levi! It has been fun! But now is the time to cast your votes!” MonoTV said abruptly.

“No! Wait– please, we need more time!” Ace called out. “But it’s obvious we’ve come to a conclusion. Levi confessed. He’s the culprit.” Teruko said in a painfully cold voice. 

“Alright everyone!” MonoTV shouted out over all of them, “It’s voting time! So I hope you know exactly who you think killed your beloved friend. Will you make the right choice? Or the dreadfully wrong one!?” MonoTV called out as the voting time consisted.

“Please, Ace. Make the right choice.” Levi murmured and softly looked at Ace. “I’m sorry.” He said again.

Ace fell silent. “F… Fuck you!” He screamed out. He felt so hurt. He let his guard down to be close to Levi. He let himself care for Levi. Only for Levi to be taken away. He murmured more swears and curses but they became nothing but mumbled and jumbled frustrated sounds as he became so full of grief he could hardly speak. “Y–You… I cared about you– I loved you! And now you’re… you’re leaving! S-So fuck you!” Ace shouted out, his voice cracking again.

The voting time went on with deadly silence. Even Levi seemed surprised by Ace’s words. Levi could hardly interpret his own emotions, let alone the emotion in Ace’s words. Levi knew that he was supposed to say something. But he hardly knew what to say. He watched as everyone cast their votes. “I…” His voice trailed off. Levi had seen how the group had grieved so many people. Even people who had tried to hurt them. He couldn’t bare the idea of causing them that kind of pain. Maybe Ace just hating him was for the better. But Levi knew Ace’s words were not as venomous as he would like in that case. “I’m sorry.” Levi murmured. “You should hate me. But despite that, I care about you, Ace… everyone. Enjoy the future. I know there is surely some objective reasoning for why you should never give up. And some objective reasoning for why you should enjoy life. But I… do not know that objective reason. So please, enjoy the future, if not for you, then for me, and if not for me then for everyone we’ve lost. Despite everything, I love you. Love should never hurt you… Ace. So don’t feel bad now that I am leaving.” Levi monologued. “W…What?” Ace murmured.

“Hey! I said Voting Time!! No more discussion!” MonoTV shouted.

The Voting Time was full of nothing but solemn silence, with an atmosphere so thick that you could cut it with a knife. 

“Alllright everybody! The votes have been cast! MonoTV shouted out. “And you’re correct! Levi Fontana is the culprit!” MonoTV called out as the slot machine read, ‘Guilty’ in big, bold letters. “I’m sorry to hurt you all like this.” Was all Levi said before the nightmare continued. “So please, don’t feel any remorse for what happens to me. That is all I beg of you.” Levi insisted, his voicing raising a bit.

“Hm…” Was all Teruko said in response, as she grit her teeth and was sweating quite a bit. Despite everything, this seemed to be affecting Teruko as well.

“Levi…!” Ace muttered.

“What? You all have nothing to say?” MonoTV called out, and was greeted with silence. “Fine! Be that way. Let’s just get on with it. Let’s give it everything we got! It’s pu—” “STOP!” Ace screamed out. 

“Ugh! Don’t you know it’s rude to interrupt people while they're talking?! You stole my moment!” MonoTV whined. 

“Please! You can’t kill him! Please!” Ace begged, grabbing onto the podium on which MonoTV sat on. “Take me instead– whatever you have to do, please just don’t kill him!” Ace shouted, tears dancing at the very edges of his eyes, threatening to fall.

“Sorry bucko! But this is just the rules! Levi Fontana has been found guilty, so it’s time for the punishment!” MonoTV retorted as it clearly had no intention of breaking the rules for Levi.

“Ace… Please, the world keeps spinning, no matter what happens. Okay? So enjoy the future. That’s all I want for you.” Levi said in a quiet, and almost soothing tone.

“But you’re all I want! You’re all that I have!” He sobbed, as those tears fell from his eyes like thick raindrops at midnight. Levi knew there was something encouraging, that there was some right thing to say to Ace. But even then, he didn’t know what is was. “Please– just, live! Please!” Levi insisted. “Not without you–” His words were getting caught in his throat as he sobbed. “Levi!” He cried out.

“Just do it, you have too!” Levi shouted. “If you won’t do it for yourself, then do it for me, you have too!” He insisted.

MonoTV sighed obnoxiously loudly to get the two of them to shut up.

“Yeah yeah, we get it, you guys had something more-than-friends going on! Whatever! Let’s just move on!” MonoTV shouted, as clearly it wanted to get along with the punishment.

“Levi… I can’t say I forgive you. For all of this… But, just know that we won’t ever give up on living. That’s what you wanted to hear, right?” Teruko cut in.

“Something like that.” Levi said in response, his voice quiet. “Alright, alright, enough of that! It’s time for Levi Fontana, The Ultimate Personal Stylist to face the music! Let’s give it everything we’ve got!” MonoTV called out, enthusiasm burning in its voice.

“No! Please—” Ace sobbed. “It’s punishment timeee!!” It continued, despite Ace’s begging. 

“I love you all–” Was all Levi was able to choke out before the lasso sort of contraption reached out and snapped around Levi’s neck and yanked him back by his neck, and dragged off to his doom. A gate sprung up from the ground, separating the innocent from Levi, and setting up Levi’s execution. Levi was yanked back to a stake. “Gng-” He groaned slightly as he was slammed into the stake and tied to it by the wire.

Ace stared at the gate in front of him, his eyes desperately darting around. Levi did do it, he heard it from Levi himself. But, even then, Ace couldn’t stand to see Levi getting executed. 

He grabbed onto the gate, and then climbed onto it, his fingers locking tightly around the wires of the gate. If you had blinked you probably would have missed what happened next. Ace climbed up the gate and scaled up and over it. On his way back down, he was in such a frenzy, that he ended up falling the other half of the way down. He heard some of his peers crying out for him to stop, but Ace did not.

MonoTV set up a bunch of darts, clearly planning to use Levi like a dart board. But despite this, Ace rushed forward. Levi’s jaw dropped slightly and his eyes widened as he saw Ace attempting to interfere with the execution. Ace got to the stake that Levi was tied too. “I-I’ll… I’ll get you out of here!” He called out as he desperately pulled at the chains that bind Levi. “Please- Ace, get out of here!” Levi tried to insist, but the words fell upon deaf ears as Ace desperately pulled at the metal chains. Levi could see as MonoTV prepared the darts for throwing, specifically directed at Levi. If Ace didn’t get out of the way he would meet an unsavory fate. Ace pulled desperately on the chains, and yet to no avail. “Ghah!” He called out as he pulled so hard that he fell back when the chains failed to break. It was then that Levi spotted how MonoTV was winding up the bullet-like darts. If Ace didn’t move…

You see, Levi could have broken the chains before if he wanted too. But he didn’t. He felt like he needed to pay for what he did, so he wouldn’t fight. But he’d fight to protect the person that he had failed so terribly. He strained against the chains, just barely breaking free of them. And just in time as MonoTV shot the bullet-like darts. Levi quickly pulled Ace close to him, turning his back to MonoTV and the bullet it was shooting. He buried Ace’s face in his chest, somewhat using himself as a shield, in a way.

And, well, as it turns out… The darts were more bullets than they ever were darts.

Ace heard Levi scream. Scream and cry out in utter pain and terror. And Ace felt as Levi’s warm blood tainted his clothing. But through all of that, Levi kept Ace safe. Through all of that.And when the parade of bullets had stopped, and the music had stopped playing, Ace felt as Levi’s body fell limp onto him. “Levi…?” Ace murmured as he gently tried to get Levi to let go of him. But that was difficult to do as Levi had died holding onto Ace with such grasp that it remained after the life had left his body. Ace was confused and terrified as the only warmth he felt was from Levi’s blood. Levi was dead, and Ace was trapped in his arms. Eventually, Ace got himself free of Levi’s grasp, finding that Levi was indeed… lifeless. Levi was dead, bullets and darts buried in his back, all of which seemed to have been laced with some kind of poison that melted and burned his skin on impact. And yet Levi had protected Ace. “Levi….!” Ace sobbed as his hands desperately shook at Levi, hoping for him to get up. He looked back at the gate, and saw the eyes of his classmates staring forward. The execution was through, and Levi had died.

[harcove]

so billy finds out his girlfriend is pregnant, how does he react?

If it's something unplanned (I'm assuming so) I'm gonna be real with you here: probably not great.

I think he'd be angry, and it'd probably be taken out against his gf, argue with her, etc. Wouldn't want to admit he's as much of the reason it happened as she is.

He's like this because this isn't in his plans, at least not now. And he is fucking scared. He never thought about being a parent, for so many reasons. Like the fear that he will be a carbon copy of his dad and just repeat the cycle of abuse on his own kid. And just doesn't think he is father material whatsoever.

Wouldn't be surprised if he skipped town for a few days or a week after he finds out. He just needs to be away; it's selfish sure, but he feels like he's going to suffocate tbh.

He will come back though and will talk to his gf again. Either he calms down enough himself to think logically that this is on him too even if he doesn't want it to be, and he will not be anything like his dad, a piece of shit. His dad didn't walk out on him but he may as well have. Or Max talks sense into him.

He's going to need time. But he's not running again. He doesn't know how to support you and it's all hands- awkward, like "what the fuck do you mean you want ice cream it's 4 am w-" but does it awkwardly anyway usually cause fuck, he doesn't wanna deal with her crying and throwing a fit rn; he doesn't get any of the pregnancy stuff but fine, he'll be there for the ultrasounds and shit. (Misses the first one.)

It might be when he hears their little heart, or feels something move when he's resting his hands near your stomach- it makes it more real. And he's coming around. It scares him so bad the whole time- but he can't be his dad. He refuses for be his dad.

Maybe he won't be the perfect father- but he'll be a good one- he has to be- he has to try. For her, the baby. Mostly for himself.

[negative-speedforce]

Major Spoiler warning for the first draft of how I'm going to end Siv's story

Siv closed their eyes, feeling for the crackling power that used to rest on the edge of their subconscious. "I have to fix this." They opened their eyes- Nothing. "Please. One last time." Siv took a deep breath, and suddenly, in the blink of an eye, the world stopped.

A surge of energy rushed through their body as the corners of her vision turned fractal, the familiar electricity rushing through every bone in her. Her just-past-shoulder-length hair stood up on end, floating above them in a nonexistent breeze. Their jeans and hoodie had vanished, replaced by a black leather suit, with dark slate details, and a gold chain belt with lightning-shaped charms clipped to it.

Siv clenched their fist, testing their powers. Scarlet lightning sparked around her hand, and a wide smile spread across her face. Stepping to the ledge of the building she stood on top of, Siv took a deep breath, and allowed herself to fall.

Using a few short bursts of lightning to slow her fall, Siv landed on her feet, a slight shock of pain hitting their knees, but it was inconsequential. They had a mission.

"Eobard Thawne." Siv approached the man, who was frozen in time mid-leap. "I could kill you right now, and you would never notice. You couldn't resist me. Not when you're like this."

Siv touched her father's face, sighing regretfully. "You know, in another world, we could have been a family. If you would have just let go, before everything went to shit, maybe the future would have been different. You and I are very similar in that regard. But I refuse to repeat your mistakes- I'm letting go."

"If I don't let go, it's going to kill me. This rage, this pain- it is killing me. Don't mistake this for me forgiving or forgetting, that's not what I'm doing, and it's never going to happen." Siv explained, though they knew that Eobard couldn't hear them. "I can't chase you forever. I can't be like you- we're more similar than either of us would like to admit. I had a choice- make something else of myself, or die your daughter. We're both obsessive. We hurt the ones we love for that obsession. But the cycle ends here and now. I refuse to be you, and that is what this is turning me into."

Siv put her hand on Eobard's chest, instinct causing her to reach for the energy that flowed through his body. "I'm done blaming myself for Gina's death. It was your choice to kill her. I was a kid who didn't even know their dad was capable of something that horrible. But I'm not that kid anymore. I wonder what you'd think of me now, if you knew who I really was. I'm not that broken, scared little girl who you could manipulate anymore."

When she pulled her hand back, a small ball of crackling lightning followed her, hovering a mere inch above their hand. They clenched their fist, crushing the small ball of lightning like a bug She then took Eobard's hand, pulling him into her perception of time.

"Sivonne?" Eobard blinked, clearly panicked at the sudden loss of his speed.

"I can't be you. That's why I'm giving you a choice. You can let go now, and let your feud with Allen die... or you die, alone and unwanted by anyone. Good riddance." Siv continued. "But I'm never going to let you hurt another person again. Your speed's gone. This fight is going to kill you. You can leave, or die slowly or painfully. It's all up to you."

"You'll never be able to let go." Eobard smirked, clearly bluffing and trying to get into Siv's head. "Do you really think a fragile little thing like you could actually stop me?"

"Fragile?" Siv laughed. "Clearly, you haven't talked to me in a few years. But listen to me. I'm not going to hurt you. I've grown beyond that. But if you get out of this alive, and so much as look at someone I love, there will be a reckoning, and you will die slowly and painfully. Do you understand?"

"Bold words. But that's all they are." Eobard continued. "What are you going to do without me, Sivonne?"

"Live." Siv bared their teeth, a well-aimed punch throwing Eobard back into the normal flow of time, the complete standstill rushing back to normal. Eobard, despite his lack of speed, used his continued momentum to rush headfirst into the lightning bolt Barry wielded like a sword, where he was skewered like a serial killer kebab.

Eobard collapsed to the ground, grasping at the wound in his chest. Siv stepped back, watching from afar as he struggled, then ultimately went limp. It was over. He was gone, hopefully for good this time. But they didn't hope too much. After all, she had died twice and was somehow still kicking, so there was a chance Eobard might return, albeit small.

But now wasn't the time to think about that. It was time to celebrate what had happened- Sivonne Alessandra Thawne was finally free.

[mooodyblue]

Ever since you published “bear” I’ve been a little too obsessed with the idea of bottle feeding little!E. I was wondering if you could write something delving deeper into the subject?? I just love your little!E fics sm 😭😭☪️

thank you friend !!! i hope you enjoy 🫶🏼

untitled | little!elvis x cg!reader

warnings: age regression, little space, slight angst

wc: 668

masterlist | request | taglist

it was a slow day for the two of you. elvis had woken up a little more moodier than usual, eventually slipping into his little headspace and clinging to you while you did things around the house. you didn't mind of course. however, today it was different. he refused to feed himself and could barely bring himself to change out of his pajamas. he hadn't even said much to you. when he did speak, he wasn't saying much of anything. his words were more like demands.

you finished cleaning up in his room only to be greeted by elvis sitting on the bottom steps of the stairs, picking at nothing on his pants. you frowned and walked down to him, sitting next to him. "what's going on?"

"i don't know." he muttered, refusing to look at you.

"you don't have to hide anything from me." you reassured, placing a hand on his knee. "it's okay to feel the way that you do, i don't mind."

"embarrassed." he finally looked over at you, his blue eyes slightly glossy. "'m weird."

you let out a gasp. "don't say that! you are not weird. you're my baby, i love you."

the corner of his lips perked up at the sound of you calling him your baby. he felt himself get a little more comfortable, less uneasy about himself and the headspace he was in. the farther he slipped, the more shy and embarrassed he felt about being little. he was definitely in a much more younger headspace than usual and you could tell, elvis was just too shy to admit it to you. it was a good thing you could read him well.

"how about this-" you stood up and stepped down the bottom step you were sitting on and got in front of him, looking down at him. "let's get you a bottle and in your jammies, then we can head up to bed and just lay down for awhile. does that sound okay to you?"

he gave you a small 'mhm' in return and got up slowly, heading back to his room.

you had experimentally bought a bottle for elvis one day, unsure of how little he'd get in the future. you'd bought him sippy cups as he was a clumsy, overexcited little sometimes and tended to make messes often. this would be only the second time you'd use the bottle. the first time you used it, he was extremely hesitant but eventually found comfort in it. you warmed up some milk for him, shaking it onto your hand to check the temperature before going upstairs.

elvis was sitting on the side of the bed, kicking his legs back and forth as he waited for you. his blue, silk pajamas sat beside him. he looked at you then back at the clothes as his way of trying to hint at needing help. you nodded and set the bottle on his bedside table before carefully helping him into his jammies and back onto the bed. picking the bottle back up, you laid beside him and let him curl up to you as you placed the tip of the bottle between his lips. you ran your fingers through his hair as he happily drank away, relaxing and having all his troubles go away. you adored how peaceful he looked, you lived for little moments like this. his lashes began to flutter as he slowly stopped drinking from the small bottle, falling asleep on your shoulder.

as you took it away from him, a small whine escaped from his lips. "want more." he mumbled tiredly.

"baby, you were falling asleep." you chuckled.

"more." he said again. you sighed and brought the bottle back to his lips, only for the cycle to repeat as he began to softly snore against you. you took the bottle away again slowly, hoping he was actually asleep this time and breathing a sigh of relief when you fully took it away from him, letting him sleep peacefully.

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[musingsofarandomgirl]

I want to say something that's been in my mind for years. I've never wanted to call myself a feminist, even if I do stand up when women are treated unfairly. Why ? Because more often than not, women think that feminism is a competition against the opposite gender.

"I can do that better than men."

"This woman won the race over the other guys."

Feminism isn't about who's better than the other. At least it shouldn't be. Skill and talent don't even have anything to do with gender, anyway. I've seen it SO many times that it's sad, really, how feminism is used as tool to spit on the male gender. One time I searched for quotes from feminists, seeking empowering words, and instead I found statements that were downright terrifying and concerning of the person's mental wellbeing, women blatantly admitting to wanting to hurt men, insulting them and saying things that were absolutely foul and vile. I never went looking for feminist quotes again, let me tell you. And these famous, hateful women were the kind of people representing feminism ?

I hope it's gotten better now, but I still see it all the time - women using feminism as a weapon to opress men. Just because women have been opressed since the dawn of time does NOT give them the right to repeat the same experience with the male gender, because that is not fighting for women's rights - it's lowering yourself to the same level as your opressors, creating a vicious cycle serving only to satisfy your own ego. Is that the kind of world we want to create for the future generation, the example we want to set for our children ? Do NOT feed the ideal of sexism.

I also often see feminism confused with arrogance by a lot of "modern" women, nowadays, who refuse to receive help from men to prove they're not weak, that they can open the door on their own and climb counters to get a jar from the highest shelf. I'm sorry, is this what feminism's come to ? Whether you can open a door or reach the top shelf on your own ?

If you're truly a feminist, if you feel strong and confident in your own body...then why do you feel the need to prove it all the time, and repeatedly say it out loud - feeling insulted by simple acts of kindness, or gallantry ? That isn't feminism. It's insecurity disguised by arrogance, and it sets yet another bad precedent. If a person is truly confident in themselves, independent and strong, and they KNOW it, they wouldn't feel the need to say it all the time. They wouldn't care if other people believed it or not, because they know it in their hearts, and the opinion of others don't matter.

Feminism is about standing up to women who are treated unfairly. It's about equality - not competition, who's the best, a battle with the other gender, or whether a woman can do everything on her own. Feminism is about the rights women deserve, the way people see them and treat them.

And the issue isn't with men, because trust me I've encountered women who were sexist with their own gender quite a few times - which is honestly baffling. The issue is with ALL of us, us people as a whole. Women, men, everything in-between, and how we regard one another. Equality will never be achieved if humans always find a way to think themselves superior to something. Whether it's plants, animals, a measly mosquito, one country over another, one race over another, a man of a color and a man of another. Men over women. Women over men.

That is the true source of all our problems. Superiority. Until we find it in ourselves to realize we are no better than the next person in this tiny, tiny fraction of the universe - then we will always repeat the same mistakes, whether it's about racism, sexism, etc.

[wlw-imagines]

& the Reunion - Leah Williamson/Reader (AWFC)

part 3 out of 3 for the request: "leah williamson x uswnt reader who's on a loan to arsenal and the loan is going to an end so they'll have to do long distance"

a/n: um.. idk what happened i meant for it all to be fluff and then SOMEHOW a huge massive chunk of it became like angsty? sorry lmao! but also ! enjoy! last part of this mini series thing unless there are ideas for more but i feel this is a good place to stop :-) also sorry if anything is bad or doesn't make sense i did not proof read because i think if i did my brain would have exploded xox

part one (The Start of the Loan), part two (The End of the Loan), part three (The Reunion)

It had been a rocky few months, you couldn't lie...

It had only been an international friendly.

You hadn't expected this kind of thing to happen to you at all but in a friendly of all games?

Time had kind of slowed down since the accident. Even if you really tried to remember the game you'd been playing, there was hardly anything there. You remembered the good luck call you had made to Leah just before the game, as always, and maybe you remembered parts of the half time talk by an overly-enthusiastic Sonnett. Other than that it was like a blank slate.

That probably had a fair amount to do with the drugs you'd been put on though.

Although, there were a couple of major things you did remember, that you really wished you didn't. You could recall the sound of your shin shattering to pieces and breaking through skin. You remembered your own primal scream as you went down. You remembered an explosion of pain in your knee. More than anything, you remember the horrified expression of your teammates as they saw you, and whilst they tried to comfort you. You saw it, felt it, and heard it all play out whenever you shut your eyes. On repeat. Again, and again, and agai-

"Leah's calling." Kelley's voice brought you out of your thoughts, momentarily breaking the never-ending cycle of events.

You slowly dragged your eyes from the frayed hem of your blanket covering your hospital bed, and over to Kelley, who was sat in the corner of the room. She had been sat there with you ever since you had arrived.

She nodded down to your phone in her hands as it vibrated and a picture of your girlfriend popped up.

You frowned slightly and just kept staring. She saw the vacant look in your eyes and stood up, "Hey, Y/N, babe?" Her voice called out again, and you saw her move towards you, "It's Leah." She stopped next to you and touched your hand, making you jump out of your stupor and focus on her properly, "It's going to ring out, do you want me to-"

You shook your head and turned it to face the other wall, "Leave it." Your voice was scratchy and dull but you didn't want to ask for water. You didn't want to do anything.

Kelley bit her lip and stayed next to you despite the fact that you refused to look at her. It was breaking her to see you like this. It had been mere hours since you had been admitted but it already felt like weeks.

She sighed and cleared her throat again. You heard the quiet buzzing resume, "She's calling again," This time, Kelley took your hand in hers and squeezed. "Y/N, come on."

"I don't want to talk to anyone. Please." You bottom lip trembled slightly as you withdrew your hand from hers.

"I-" She let out yet another sigh and stood up, answering the phone and putting it to her ear, "Hey, Leah."

Your eyes snapped round to her and you shook your head in disbelief, "Kelley." You hissed, shooting a glare her way.

She ignored you and nodded to the other person speaking on the phone. It was a few more seconds before she responded verbally, "Yeah, give me a second. I'll put her on."

You grunted as your muscles tensed slightly with your frustration. God, everything hurt, "Kelley, I don't-" You shook your head again but she kept her hand out, trying to get you to take the phone. Like a child, you refused to take it, keeping your hands firmly at your side.

In the end, she narrowed her eyes and held the phone to your ear herself. Without any more excuses, you managed to mumble out a greeting, "Hey."

Immediately Leah's warm, loving voice floated down the phone line. The comfort it brought you made tears prickle behind your eyes and you had to blink a few times and swallow the rising bubble of cries in your throat, "Y/N? Oh my god, my love, I just saw the news, that you're... are you okay?" You wished more than anything that she could be right there with you.

But something in the depths of your brain had shut down. Before you could say what you wanted to say - that you were hurt, scared, and overwhelmed, or that you weren't sure whether you could come back from this physically or (more scarily) mentally, or that you wanted to be at home (and by that you would mean with her - that home meant Leah) - before you could say anything at all, your brain just shut down, "I don't- I'm not really in the mood to talk to anyone right now."

She faltered, you could hear her confusion. You wanted her to point it out and say that you didn't sound like yourself, or that normally, if you could talk out your emotions with anyone, it would be her. But how was she to know to say that? "Yeah... yeah, of course, okay." She was trying to be supportive and do what you wanted her to do but you were shutting down and how do you say the right things when you can hardly stay awake and present.

The silence pressed on. She might have said something else but your body just wasn't working with you. Your ears were ringing and your brain hurt. You fumbled over what to say as your eyes glazed over slightly, "I'm just... I don't know what to say."

She spoke again and you could only just hear her, "Y/N... What's happened? Have you been seen by a doctor?" She asked more questions but your eyes became laser-focused on the fraying blanket edge, and you couldn't take in anything else.

"Leah, I've-" You swallowed, your tongue felt heavy and you felt sick. You couldn't do this right now, "I've, um, got to go, I- I'll give you back to Kelley."

She called out, "Y/N-"

You moved your ear away from the phone and shut your eyes, "Can you...?"

Kelley didn't move, "Y/N, talk to her," You pushed your head further away, "Fine, okay... Hey, Leah. Sorry, yeah, we're just waiting for news back from the scans and-"

Her footsteps receded from you and she walked out of your room, softly shutting the door behind her.

You winced and shifted as best you could. Despite the copious amounts of drugs being pumped into your system, there was still an insane amount of pain coursing through your body. With, what looked like, a shin fracture and a shattered knee cap in your right leg and your other ankle bruised and swollen, things weren't looking bright for your soccer career.

How were you going to get through this? You'd overcome a lot but... this? You weren't sure that it was even possible.

After another ten minutes or so, Kelley stepped back into the room. For the first time you noticed she still had her kit on. You blinked. You could see the grass stain on her shirt, a red stain too. You could see your team-the team's crest... she did her coat up. "Uh, I told her you'd talk later."

"You're not wearing shoes."

She looked down at her feet, and she wiggled her toes through her thick USWNT socks.

"Alex is getting me a change of clothes. They'll all be back soon."

"I just don't know what to say." You admitted, your chin wobbling again as another wave of tears threatened to spill.

"I am sorry," She spoke softly and came back to your side, gripping your hand, "I thought talking to her would make you feel better."

"I don't know what to do."

"It's okay."

You shook your head, "No, it's not."

"Let it out, you can cry." And just like that, the floodgates opened.

You sobbed in her arms, "I'm scared."

"I know, I know. Come here," She cradled you and kissed the top of your head, "I'm here for you, okay? We all are." She used her sleeves to wipe your tears and whispered comforting things in your ear, over and over again, "Things are going to work out, whatever happens," Kelley sat up, cupping your face with her hands and looking into your eyes, "Okay?"

"I-" You hiccuped and felt lost for words but you could see the honesty in her eyes and you believed her, "Okay. Yeah, okay."

The door opened again, "Miss Y/L/N," Your doctor smiled, "Let's have a look at your options, okay?"

xxxxxxxxxxxx

"Y/N?"

"Hmm." You grunted and shifted in your bed, bringing the blankets further around your body. You could see that the lights in your bedroom had been turned on as the light crept its way through the blankets covering your head.

Christen tiptoed around the mess of your room - the clothes and rubbish from the past week strewn across the floor, "It's been a couple of days, how- How are you doing?"

You grunted again but this time followed up with a response, "Fine." You dragged the blanket off your head and blinked as your eyes got used to the light.

Christen smiled at you, "I'm gonna open a window, okay?" You didn't say anything in response and watched as she crossed your room and opened the curtains. Your eyes hurt as you looked out at the blue sky and you turned around in your bed so your back was to the window, "Where are your crutches?"

You shrugged, "I don't need them."

Christen bent down to start picking up clothes, "Have you done your exercises today?" You sighed and turned to look at her but the sun was still hurting your eyes.

You lay the blanket back over your eyes and sighed, "Can you shut the curtains?"

"When was the last time you went on a walk?" She ignored you as she threw the clothes into the laundry basket and put the rubbish in a trash bag she'd brought into your room.

You left the question unanswered again as you watched her go through all your stuff, making you weirdly annoyed. You felt that a lot recently for no apparent reason, "You don't have to tidy. I can do it."

"When was the last time you tidied up?"

"What's with the interrogation, Chris?"

Chris stopped what she was doing and sat next to you on the bed, like she had so many times before in the past month, "Y/N, you've got to look after yourself." She took hold of your hand.

"I am." You frowned.

"You're not."

You bit your lip as tears prickled behind your eyes and you turned away from her, "Is that all you came here to say?"

"Everyone on the team is doing everything they can to look after you because we love you, but you've got to start looking after yourself. Please."

You knew you weren't treating yourself well and how much longer could this go on? You were miserable.

You shuffled back over and turned to face Chris, who looked almost as upset as you, and took her hand again, "Okay." A smile immediately broke out on her face and her shoulders relaxed. She squeezed your hand, hard, and wiped the tears from her eyes as she got up.

"I'll put a wash on."

You pulled yourself up to a sitting position and sighed, looking around your mess of a room, "Can you just shut the curtains? Please?"

"Get up." Chris clapped her hands and you winced at the harsh noise.

"Chris..."

Chris stood in front of you and held her hands out, "Come on. You shut them."

You pouted and brought your left, uninjured, leg to your chest and hugged it, "But... you opened them."

Chris gently lifted your right leg and helped you to stand to your feet, putting your arm around her shoulder so she could support you, "You're getting out of bed. Then, you're going to shut your own curtains. You'll have a bath and then I'll fix you something to eat and find your crutches. Sound good?"

"I don't-"

She ignored your objection and started walking to the window, forcing you to start walking with her, "Then we're going to do your exercises together - out in the garden because who knows when the last time you saw the outside world was."

"Chris-"

"And after that you are going to call your girlfriend and-"

You tensed at that, "Okay, okay, I get it." You mumbled, looking down at the floor. It had been ages since you'd spoken to your girlfriend. You didn't even know where your phone was. The guilt of icing her out ate at your chest.

"She misses you."

"I know and I, I-" You took a deep breath, forcing her out of your mind just so that you could start on the little things and work up to calling her, and apologising for everything, "Curtains first?"

"Yep, curtains first. One step at a time." Chris smiled, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

As soon as you heard the knock at the door you knew who would be waiting for you on the other side. You'd been counting down the days ever since the two of you had been in touch and organised the trip.

"Hey."

Even though she had been the one to knock on the door, she still did a double take when she saw you, "Y/N?"

"Hi." You shifted slightly on your feet, feeling a bit of awkward tension in the air. There was so much you needed to say to her.

She smiled gently and nodded past you, asking to come in, "Can I-"

You just nodded, taking a step forward to help her with her bags. She hesitated when she saw your crutch and put a hand on your shoulder to stop you. "It's okay, I can." You smiled stubbornly, not making eye contact with her. Leah ignored your comment and carried her own bags in. You bit your lip but you stepped back and let her into your place without further comment.

There was another moment of silence as she put her bags down and had a quick look around, taking in all the things that had changed.

You rested against the kitchen counter, bit your lip, and took a deep breath, "Leah? I'm so sorry."

Your girlfriend shrugged and played with her fingers to distract herself, "It's- I'm..."

"I really am sorry, I-"

She shook her head and moved towards you, stopping in front of you and taking your hand. Her other hand delicately placed on your cheek and her thumb wiped away a tear you didn't know had fallen, "You don't have to be. I forgive you, but you don't have to be sorry."

"I was so scared, and- and selfish." You sniffled, wrapping your arms around her waist and nestling your face into the crook of her neck. She hugged you back and repeatedly pressed gentle kisses to your shoulder and neck.

"No, I- I should have come sooner. I was scared you wouldn't want to see me."

You pulled back, wiping your cheeks with the cuffs of your jumper, "I'm happy you're here now." You gave her a smile, despite your tears and, for a moment, she just looked at you. You'd never felt more loved in your life.

"Me too."

You spent a few minutes just together again, getting used to how it was before your accident. You wished you'd never blocked her out, just being under her gaze made you feel unbelievably better - as if you could conquer anything.

Thinking about it all inevitably brought more tears to your face. Your thoughts spiralled slightly and your face crumpled.

"I'm never going to play again. Not at all like I used to." You whispered, pulling your gaze from her eyes and focusing them onto the floor. Every time you were forced to admit this out loud was painful and constricted your heart. This was meant to be your life.

She nodded, lifting your chin so that you were looking back into her eyes. "I know. I know, I'm sorry." Leah pulled you back into her body, tightly wrapping her arms around you. You didn't have the energy to bring your hands around her too but that was okay. She was letting you grieve.

You stayed like that for a few minutes. Leah stayed there with her arms protectively around you and swaying you to and fro. After your breathing had calmed down slightly and the tears were starting to dry up, you let out a shaky breath and she let you go and leant back slightly.

"It's - I'm okay, I'm coming to terms with it." You nodded to yourself, trying to convince yourself rather than her. You could see in her eyes that she didn't believe you but she also didn't object, "Have I said that I'm glad you're here?" You laughed, "I missed you. I've missed talking to you."

Leah's eyes lit up and she nodded, "I missed you too." She gently brushed your hair out of your eyes, everything she did was brimming with pure love. "I like being able to talk to you."

"I broke my phone." You said, in way of an apology and also a small part of an explanation of the complete silence from your end. That and you'd spiralled completely after the accident.

She raised an eyebrow, challenging you, "You broke it? I heard you threw it out of the window as a lorry was driving past."

You let out a snort of laughter at the absurd memory. You'd been in, and in many aspect still were in, a really dark place but there was something quite funny in your memory of chucking your phone out into the road and watching with joy as it was run over by the biggest truck you'd seen. Christen had not been impressed and had tried to make you go out and clean it up. You had just made Tobin do it.

You nodded, "Yeah. I have bad days and good days." You smiled.

Leah took your hand in hers again and helped you over to the couch, "More bad days than good?" She asked tentatively, sitting down next to you, wrapping her arm around your shoulders and protectively placing her hand on your thigh.

"Probably. Until last week, it was all bad days so I'm getting somewhere. Chris kicked me out of bed so that helped." You answered honestly, doing your best to stay honest with those that were important - you hadn't done enough of that lately.

"I'm proud of you. And of Chris, for kicking you out of bed."

"Meanie," You turned to stick your tongue out at her, "How long are you here for?" You asked gazing up at her.

"Jonas said I could take all the time I need. To start with, he's said I can have until the end of November."

You looked down and fiddled with the hem of your jumper, "You'll miss some games though."

"I should have missed more to be here earlier but from now on you are my one and only priority." She leant in to you and kissed your forehead.

"You should be back in London, playing." You persisted, letting out a guilty sigh.

Leah hugged you into her side, "You can't get rid of me that easily," She lifted your chin again to look her in the eyes, "And not until you're okay."

"What if I'm never okay?" You asked.

"That's alright too. I'll still be right here with you. Yeah?"

xxxxxxxxxxxx

After five months of intense work on yourself, and with some incredible help from others, you were elated to say that you were in a much better place - both physically and mentally.

Leah stayed with you for the entirety of November, and took the last game of the season before the Christmas break off too in order to be able to stay with you that bit longer.

Luckily, by Christmas, you'd progressed enough that you could travel back to England with her and spend both Christmas day and New Years with her family. The flight had been long and difficult at times, and you'd probably been more grouchy than you would normally be, but part of your process was being more open and honest with your own emotions, and more honest with Leah as well.

No more icing her out.

By the New Year it was clear that you could never play soccer again. You may be able to kick a ball just fine but if you couldn't play anywhere near like you used to, then you knew you would never be happy as a soccer player. Besides, you felt that no team would ever want to sign you now.

You had cried plenty about it in Leah's arms but you were starting to seriously accept it. You started to join Arsenal practice sessions alongside Leah, only as a spectator and just for the nostalgia of it really. But every now and then you got to coach a small group of the team and actually - bossing people around was quite (very) fun.

After you got home with Leah, whilst she was in the shower, you sent a few messages to a couple of your contacts and looked into the training you'd need to take to be a coach. Casey Stoney was ecstatic to talk to you about it all and Vlatko suggested a meeting for when you returned to the States and Jonas said he'd keep an ear out for any coaching jobs.

You asked them to keep quiet about it all and quickly slammed the laptop shut as Leah entered the room, earning a suspicious look from her.

She raised an eyebrow and walked over to your side, leaning over your shoulder and hugging you, "What's that about?"

"Nothing." You smiled, dragging out each letter of the word and shooting her a cheeky smile over your shoulder. You could smell her shampoo from here and it made your heart warm.

She laughed, sending hot air over your neck and making you blush slightly, "Messaging your secret girlfriends, hmm?"

"Shit, how did you know?" You jokingly asked, turning round and wrapping your arms around her waist and flipping her onto the bed, giggling.

You were getting there. One step at a time.

A month later, you found yourself back on American soil, watching your old teammates warm up in preparation for the SheBelieves Cup.

You felt something soft collide with your head and you frowned, looking around you to see who'd thrown their... jumper at you? "Well, well, well, if it isn't the infamous Y/N Y/L/N." Emily Sonnett. "I thought you were never going to get back to the States. London has it's grip on you now, huh?" She grinned, putting her hands on your shoulders from behind and shaking you in greeting. You laughed and turned around, giving her a big hug.

Rose winked at you, "More like a certain blonde has a grip on her." You rolled your eyes and laughed, opening your arms to give Rose a hug as well.

"We've lost you to the English. Your babies are going to be British with their fancy little accents." Emily jokingly gasped, being overly dramatic as always.

You pushed her shoulder back, "Yeah, yeah, tease all you want Sonny, you're just jealous."

Sonny just brushed you off and chose to ignore your comment, which only made you laugh harder, "Have you come to shout at us and make us run faster? I hear you're causing quite the drama at Arsenal, playing coach and making them all do push ups at the slightest thing."

"Oh yeah? I'll have ten push ups from you for that." You winked at her and she scoffed.

"For what?"

You shrugged, "I just feel like it."

"You're not my coach, I don't have to actually do push ups... Right?" She looked at Rose uncertainly when a voice came from behind her.

"Sonnett, on the ground! 10 push ups!" Vlatko shouted, smiling at you.

"You're kidding." She groaned and turned to look at him in disbelief.

"20!"

She tried to protest again, "But-"

"That'll be 25 push ups!"

"Okay, fine!" She relented and got down on the ground, but not before sticking her middle finger up at you. You laughed and watched as she started the push ups, throwing her jumper back at her whilst she did them.

Vlatko walked to your side and nudged you, "Ready for our chat? They can get started whilst we talk."

"Yeah, sounds good!" You nodded eagerly, and followed him to the side of the pitch.

He took a seat and motioned for you to sit down next to him, "It's good to see you again. It's been a while."

"Yeah, thanks for having me."

"It's our pleasure," He shook his head and smiled, "How have you been doing?"

You took a deep breath, "It's been... hard. I've learnt a lot about myself. I'm lucky to be surrounded by such great people, I owe them a lot." You looked out to the field and nodded towards your teammates.

"From what I can tell you've been doing well for yourself." He grinned and you raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, yeah?"

"I heard about the new job." He leant towards you and lowered his voice to share the secret.

"You did?" You smiled. It felt good to talk about it, it made it seem way more real, which was exciting.

He nodded and shrugged, "I have my connections."

"I haven't really told anyone yet. I'm waiting to surprise Leah."

"Your secret is safe with me. I promise."

"Thanks," You laughed, "Yeah, well, I'm actually back here to pack up my stuff ready for the move."

He nodded and leant back in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest, "Well, if you need any help you know where I am."

"Thank you, seriously." You turned towards him to make eye contact, wanting to get across how grateful you truly were.

"No need to thank me," He shook his head and put an arm on the back of your shoulder, "I am so very proud of you. You really deserve this."

You smiled and nodded to the pitch, "Well, if you ever need an assistant coach-"

"You'll be the first one I call." He smiled and stood up.

"Am I okay to stick around for a bit? Pick up some new coaching tips maybe." You stood up too and stretched out your leg.

"Of course, stay as long as you'd like. You're always welcome, Y/N."

You smiled as you watched him walk off, feeling good about how things were turning out. When you turned to look back to the pitch where the girls were still doing exercises and warming up, you saw Alex making her way towards you.

"Y/N!" She yelled and waved excitedly.

You grinned and mirrored her, waving back as energetically as you could manage, "Alex!"

As she got close enough you both wrapped your arms around each other in a big hug, "What are you doing here?"

"This is my new hangout spot, apparently." You shrugged and smiled.

She pulled a face that made it clear she was scheming something and said, "It could work out very well that you're here..."

"Do I need to be suspicious?" You asked, looking around you to try and spot what she was planning for you.

"No, I just, I had to bring Charlie today - and feel free to say no - but ever since we saw you the other day, she hasn't stopped talking about it-"

You brightened up considerably, "Charlie's here?" You looked around again, this time looking for a Charlie-shaped human.

Alex linked her arm with you and rested her head on your shoulder, "Yeah, last minute childcare issue. Would you mind watching her until her nanny arrives?"

"Are you kidding? Of course." You nodded. You'd seen a lot of the pair over the past few days but you could never get enough of little Charlie - aka the cutest human on the Earth (sorry Leah - obviously meant to say Charlie is the cutest little human on the Earth).

"Are you sure?" Alex asked.

"Completely! Yes, it'd be a treat."

She squeezed your hand and let out a sigh of relief, "You're a dream, she's with Kell at the moment."

"I'll come over with you. I always need a Kelley hug." You grinned as the two of you made your way over to the group of girls.

"Honestly, thank you so much."

You shrugged slightly, "No worries, Al, trust me. Anyways I'll take all the practice I can get," You said before hesitating and processing what you had actually just said. You felt your cheeks go red and you shook your head, "I mean, that didn't come out right."

"You and Leah?" Alex raised an eyebrow.

"No, no, we haven't even talked about it. I just meant... if we were to-"

Alex let out a laugh and interrupted your chaotic train of thought, "Don't sweat it. If it makes you feel better, you don't have to give me any kind of answer. But I will be talking about this at your wedding."

"Alex-"

Your protest was cut off as you arrived to where Kelley and Charlie were, "Charlie, guess who's here? Aunty Y/N!"

"Aunty Y/N!" Charlie put both her hands in the air and cheered.

"Listen, I'm going to dash and call Lisa, the nanny, I'll be back in a sec." Alex said and you nodded. She squeezed your arm and mouthed 'thank you' again before she left.

You forgot all about your awkwardness of the previous conversation about kids with Alex and you reached out your arm to wave at the little girl, "Hello, gorgeous!"

"I'm so sorry, I have a girlfriend." Kelley smirked at her joke and you just rolled your eyes.

"Ha ha." You stuck your tongue out at her, "Hi Kelley. And hello to my favourite Charlie in the world."

"Y/N!" She laughed and reached for you. You smiled and lifted her up on to your hip, giving her a big hug.

You also gave Kelley a half hug with your spare arm, "How are you?"

She squeezed you tight and then tried to lift both you and Charlie a little into the hug, "Doing well, you?" You laughed as she let you go and nodded.

"Yeah, I'm doing good," Putting Charlie back on the ground, you took a hold of her hand, "I'm here to steal Charlie off of you. We're going to hang out for a bit, how does that sound?" You asked Charlie, swinging her arm lightly and she grinned up at you, nodding.

Kelley cocked her head to the side, "You're staying?"

"Yeah, I have to head home later to pack but I think I'll stay for training." You smiled, feeling happy to just be back on the pitch and with the same people you'd spent years around.

"Back to England so fast?"

You bit your lip as you checked your surroundings and leant into Kelley, "You can't tell anyone or I will kick your shins but yes, I've got a job offer so... I'm moving." You grinned. Seems like one person had found out and now you couldn't stop yourself from talking about it.

"No way! Congrats! Does Leah know?" Kelley beamed at you, a look of joy on her face.

"Not yet. I'm flying over at the weekend to surprise her so I'm going to tell her then."

She smiled and hugged you again, more gently this time, "That's amazing. I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks Kell, honestly," You smiled and took in a deep breath, trying not to cry. You'd come so far and you would never have got here without your friends, "Anyway, I should let you get to work."

"Yeah, geez, stop distracting me." She smiled before waving down to Charlie, "Goodbye, cutie."

You smirked at her, "I actually have a girlfriend."

"Oh, ha ha." She rolled her eyes back at you and you laughed, watching her run off to the rest of the team.

"Ready, Charlie?" You asked and she grinned, nodding, "Let's go!" You cheered, running off to where her bag had been left.

She tried to race you so you pretended to trip a bit to let her overtake you before running at the slowest pace you may have ever had to run.

When she beat you to the bag, she cheered and laughed so hard, it made it worth it to let her win.

"I'm the most fast in the world!" She yelled. You clapped whilst she took a bow, before sitting down and getting some toys out of her bag. "Will you play with me?"

"Of course I will, thank you." You sat down next to her, and took the character figurine she was holding out to you.

As you were playing and making up extensive story lines for Charlie's toys, your phone began to ring with a FaceTime call from Leah. You paused your playing, much to Charlie's annoyance, so you could accept the call before starting to play again.

"Hello, my love." You smiled into your camera. At first the screen was black but then there was movement and Leah appeared.

"Evening, sorry, I dropped my phone." She wiped at her eyes and let out a yawn before snuggling beneath some blankets.

You frowned, worried about your girlfriend and annoyed you couldn't be there in person to check in on her, "You sound like you just woke up. You doing okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, I've just been tired a lot lately." She grumbled and then pouted, "I miss waking up next to you."

"Me too." You wanted to be there next to her so desperately but you had to make yourself feel better by thinking about your permanent future together - as soon as you started your new job you could see her every day, "I'll be back soon, I promise."

"I'm counting down the days already." She shot you a tired smile, shuffling her head over the blankets in the way of the phone so she could see you as clearly as possible.

"Hopefully just a couple weeks." You lied, sending her a wink to make up for it.

"Hmm," She grumbled again but she perked up when she head Charlie's voice next to you, "Is that Charlie?"

You turned your phone to Charlie, "It is! Say hi, Charlie."

"Hello!" She waved and stood up to come and stand next to you so you could both be on the screen at the same time.

Leah's face brightened as she sat up in bed and waved to Charlie through her phone, "Hi baby!"

You pressed a kiss to the side of Charlie's head and let her go on playing, watching her walk back to her toys and lay them out in a different way so she could start playing again. You glanced back to your phone and caught a glimpse of Leah looking at with what could only be described as complete and utter heart eyes, "Don't give me that look."

She shrugged innocently, "What look?"

You just smiled, "She's cute, huh?"

"Yeah, she is." Leah agreed, and there was a short silence. You thought she was going to say something else but there was knock on her door and someone talked to her. She appeared back on your screen, "Katie's cooked dinner tonight so I should go," She got out of bed and sighed, "I just wanted to see you and talk to your for a bit."

You leant your chin on your hand, "I love you."

"I love you too." She smiled close to the camera, "Talk later?"

"See you later. Bye!" You kissed your camera several times before hanging up and putting your phone on the grass.

You laid down on your front in the grass next to Charlie and picked up one of her toys.

"She's right, you are the cutest, huh?"

She nodded in the most matter of fact way and said, "Yeah."

"Yeah?" You laughed, "Do you think I should have a little baby? A cousin for you to play with, huh, would you like that?"

"Yes! I think you should have a girl, like me." She smiled.

You leaned towards her to share the biggest secret of all, "Hmm, I think me too but, shh, don't tell anyone."

"I could show them my toys!" She went back to her bag and handed you one, "She could have this one. When I am old." Your heart melted at her smile and you nodded.

"You could? Wouldn't that be lovely!" You grinned, letting your heart get ahead of itself. You hadn't even moved back to England yet and you were already planning big things for the future.

Charlie pointed to someone behind you, "Look. Mama!"

Alex heard her kid call for her and looked up from the ball, you smiled, "Hi Mama Alex! Wave, Charlie!" and the two of you sat together on the sidelines, waving at whoever came close enough and playing with her toys.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Sneaking into Borehamwood was like a secret spy operation. (It really wasn't, at all, it was the easiest thing you've done - no one on the team saw you).

You sat in the stands with your cap and sunglasses, watching the match and cheering on your girlfriend, as well as all your friends whenever they got a touch.

Looking back, you really did an awful job going undercover as, by the half time whistle, photos of you at the game were all over twitter and the camera man for the tv coverage had panned over to you multiple times.

As soon as the game ended, Leah made eye contact with you and grinned, rolling her eyes.

"A couple more weeks! You liar!" She happily yelled over the barrier as the two of you walked towards one another.

You made your way through the crowds and were allowed to go through the barrier onto the pitch, and immediately wrapped your arms around her waist and lifted her gently, "I'm sorry I lied, I wanted to surprise you."

"It's okay, I forgive you. But only because it was such a great surprise." She quickly pressed a quick kiss to your lips before looking around and blushing.

You grinned, "You're cute, you know that?"

Katie put her arms around the two of you and squeezed into the hug. "You know, it's only been two weeks and she was genuinely going crazy without you." She put her arm around your neck and ruffled your hair.

"It's good to see you, Katie." You laughed, trying to duck out of her grip.

She gave you a side hug, "Same to you. I'll see you at home?" She winked at the two of you and disappeared off to see some people waiting and asking for pictures and autographs.

"I'm so, so glad you're here," Leah kissed your cheek, "I'm going to say hi to some fans and then we'll leave?"

You nodded, letting go of her so she could join Katie at the barriers, "No worries, take your time."

As she was walking off, Tobin ran to you and jumped on your back, wrapping her legs around your waist. She completely unbalanced you and you both went tumbling to the floor in laughter.

Leah's voice came from far away, "Careful!" She called out and looked for your reaction, you gave her the thumbs up.

"I'm okay!" You called out and she visibly relaxed, returning to the girl she had been speaking to.

Tobin patted your stomach with her hand, "You good?" She asked, rolled onto her side and propping herself up on the grass with her elbow.

You smiled and nodded, "Yeah, I'm great." You sat up on the grass and pushed her so she fell on her back, "Thanks for rugby tackling me to the floor."

She laughed and sat up too, facing you, "Anytime! It's so good to see you!"

"You too, it's been a while and I missed you when I dropped into camp." You pouted, she'd chosen to sit out on the camp that had just passed with the team in order to start up with Arsenal.

She shrugged and nodded, "It felt weird not the be there but wanted to settle in here. I missed everyone though."

"Yeah, it makes sense. They obviously missed you too," You pulled at her shirt and winked, "You really suit the Arsenal look, Tobes."

"Thanks," She laughed, looking down at her kit. Her face lit up and she leant towards you, "And congrats by the way! Kelley told me about yo-"

You shook your head and shushed her quickly, "I am never trusting Kelley with a secret ever again." You groaned, looking to Leah to make sure she hadn't heard anything.

Tobin followed your gaze and raised an eyebrow, smirking, "You haven't told her?"

"Not yet. Tonight." You bit your lip to surprise a grin but Tobin caught it all the same.

"You're such a romantic."

You shoved her to the ground again, "Shut up."

"You're so in love!" She shouted from the floor, grabbing you and pulling you down with her. She lowered her voice again, "I mean, moving halfway across the world for a girl? For the second time? Come on."

You managed to sit back up, "Pfft." Your gaze was drawn to your girlfriend who was laughing at your antics with the fans.

You waved and smiled before Tobin tapped your back, "Let's go, before she takes her shirt off and I lose your attention completely. You'll start drooling soon."

"I don't drool."

"You sure?" She raised an eyebrow and turned around. Whilst she wasn't looking, you quickly checked just to double check you weren't drooling - nope, definitely not, take that Tobin!

You felt Leah snake her arm around your side, "Hello, my love." She kissed your cheek, close to your ear.

"Hi."

Katie appeared the other side of you, "Are you guys coming out for drinks?"

Leah looked at you and you looked back, "Uh, actually I was wondering if I could talk to you... back at yours?"

"Is this code for something?" Katie asked, looking between the two of you with a suspicious look.

Leah hesitated, "I- no? I don't think so." And you shook your head, smiling.

"No. I genuinely just need to talk to you about something. No code, I promise." The group of you walked off the pitch and into the kit room.

Katie raised an eyebrow, "Well, now I'm intrigued."

"Nothing to worry about. It's good... I think?"

"Okay? Yeah, of course," Leah nodded, her arm still around you. She nodded to the others, "You guys go ahead and we'll see you later."

Katie gave one last suspicious look between the two of you before shrugging, "No worries, see you later."

"Good luck." Tobin fake whispered as she walked past you, patting the back of your shoulder.

Leah stopped in the corridor and raised an eyebrow, watching Tobin go before turning to you, "Good luck?"

You just shook your head, shrugging it off, "It's just Tobin being Tobin."

"Hmm."

"Stop being suspicious, I love you." You smiled, pressing a kiss to the her nose and then her lips.

"Okay, fine, I love you too."

As Katie left to go to the car park, she walked past the two of you, "My money is on Y/N being pregnant." She jokingly shouted as she walked out.

"Yes, Katie, you've cracked it. I am pregnant with Leah's baby." You called after her and she cheered.

"Got it in one."

xxxxxxxxxxxx

The front door to Leah's place shut and immediately Leah dropped all her bags. You left your suitcase in the hallway and walked into the lounge with her.

She fidgeted around for a few seconds before turning to you, "You don't have to tell me what you want to talk about now, but do I need to, like, prepare for what it is?"

You stepped towards her and took her hands in yours, stopping her from fidgeting, "I'm sorry, I feel like I've stressed you out. I can tell you now, it doesn't need to wait for anything in particular. I just wanted to tell you when we were alone."

"No, I'm fine, I just- It's not bad, is it?" She asked, biting her lip.

You smiled and squeezed her hands, shaking your head, "No, not bad," You sat down on the couch and, when she joined you, you moved to sit cross legged so you could face her, "I've been offered a job."

Her eyebrows shot up and she turned to face you too, "What? Oh my god, I- congratulations! As a coach?"

You nodded, "Yeah."

Leah's face lit up as she gazed at you, "I'm... I am so proud of you."

"I'm sorry I made it seem more serious than it is." You winced and she shook her head.

"No, this is serious! Well, I mean good serious. It's big news." She licked her lips and leant forward to press a kiss to your lips.

She pulled away slightly and you bit your lip, "Yeah." Leah sat back down but pulled you closer to her so you were almost in her lap.

"Where... where would you be working?" She asked.

You rested your hands in between the two of you, "Angel City offered me a contract as a coach, starting straight away." You could feel her tense slightly and her eyebrows rose again, but not as much as before. You could tell she was trying to hide her disappointment.

"That's- oh my god, yeah, that is great news! With Christen there, especially." She nodded to herself.

"Yeah..." You shrugged, "Well, so did Lyon, actually."

She made eye contact again and her smile grew slightly, "Really? I'll support you whatever you choose, but... Lyon! That's- It would be amazing. I mean, it's closer than LA. It's pretty much the same time zone as London. Did you- which one did you choose?"

"I turned Lyon down." You scrunched up your face.

"Oh?" She asked and then quickly changed to try and sound more positive, "Yeah, that's good. You know, the stuff going on at Angel City sounds really exciting."

"Yeah, but I-"

"And I think California would be a nice! The sun, the water, the... it will be fun!"

You tried to shuffle as close as you could to stop her from talking, "I turned Angel City down too."

"What? But- I thought you wanted to go into coaching. This is such a great opportunity for you." She frowned and looked at you, trying to work out where you were going with this, "I don't get it."

"You know how much I want to be with you? And be here-"

She grinned and rolled her eyes, "And be my WAG, yes I know. And I love you so much, Y/N. But I can't be the one that stops you from going after what you have worked so hard for."

"You're not. I promise you." You took a deep breath, here goes nothing, "I was also offered a job here, by West Ham, working with their Women's team and Academy players."

Leah seemed to stop breathing for a moment and you swear that, if you listened closely, you could hear the cogs turning in her brain.

She blinked slowly, "In- here? In London?" She asked and you nodded.

"Yeah."

"Oh my god." She breathed out but didn't react any further. You gulped silently and searched her eyes for any other meaning behind her reaction, or lack there-of.

You put your hand on her forearm, "That's a good oh my god, right? It's not the 'oh my god' of someone who's disappointed or like, I don't know, signed a contract somewhere else to be with her girlfriend?"

Finally, her eyes sparkled again and a grin broke out on her face, "No, no, it's a good oh my god." Leah shook her head, "I mean- they've asked me whether I want to renew and I haven't decided yet because I wanted to talk to you first but-"

Your eyes widened, "Oh my god."

"What should I do?"

"Are you kidding? Please stay. Arsenal is your home. Plus, who am I going to live with if not you?" You laughed.

"You don't have a place to live yet, do you?"

"Who do you think I am? Of course not. All my stuff is currently being shipped across the ocean and I have nowhere to put it."

She leant forward on her knees and wrapped her legs around your waist to sit in your lap, "I love you. Never change," She put her hands under your cheeks and smiled, "At least the spare bedroom is still free."

You put your hands on her hips, "If I remember correctly, I didn't make much use of having my own room last time I lived here."

"Or the times you weren't technically living here but came to live with me all the same." She brushed her nose against yours.

"It's just comfier with you in your room." You spoke softly, just before she connected her lips to yours. You moved your hands up to her waist under her shirt and leant back.

She smiled, "Hmm," She pushed you back and followed so that you were both lying on the couch, her slightly on top of you, "I can't believe we're getting to live together again. I can wake up next to you everyday."

You stretched out your legs and circled your arm around her, pulling her further on top of you, "Maybe we should start saving up for somewhere, just us?"

"Have our own place?" She rested her arm on your stomach and put her hand down to rest on your chest, just over your heart.

"I just like the idea. Me and you." You mumbled and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

She sighed, both of you in a complete sense of comfort and love, "We could get a house with a nice garden and lots of space for kids and a dog and- what?" She lifted her head to look up at you.

You kissed the tip of her nose and smiled, "I just love you so much. That's all."

[keijislove]

Hi babe! I was wondering if I could request a Tony Stark x daughter reader? With lots of angst and her being locked in her room because she’s being bullied for her darker skin

(I understand if you’re not comfortable with this)

Safe Place: Tony Stark X Daughter!Reader

I think this turned out a bit longer than I expected.

Sorry :(

I hope you like this, I don’t really have a lot of experience with this matter, so I hope I captured the emotions right!

I AM APOLOGISING IN ADVANCE, THE HURTFUL COMMENTS MENTIONED HERE ARE NOT ONES I WOULD EVER USE IN MY LIFETIME.

GIRL, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY YOU ARE – YOU DON’T NEED DIMWITS LIKE RACISTS TO DEFINE BEAUTY. YOU WANT THE DEFINITION OF BEAUTY, GO LOOK IN THE MIRROR.

PUT A STOP TO RACISM.

WARNINGS: Slight EXTREMELY racial comments, mentions of death, toxic relationship, angst, Tony being a little... well, Tony.

Being Tony Stark’s daughter was nearly everyone’s dream. Well, everyone you’d come across at school, anyway. It seemed rational from their point of view – big house, big bedroom, expensive branded clothing, basically an overall exquisite lifestyle coupled with fame of being his daughter which was sure to earn popularity points anywhere and everywhere. A man rolling in that amount of money would make a great dad... right?

You thought differently. Which was one of the main reasons you did not tell anyone who your father really was and your teachers understood your predicament and played along to your story of being an ordinary girl with no scope for coolness whatsoever.

Your mother had met your father a long, long time ago – when Tony was still in university. Of course, he’d left her before he even knew she was pregnant, and they never saw each other again. You didn’t exactly love your life as his daughter. In fact, from what your mother had told you, he was (in your vision) a complete monster whom your mother had the sad misfortune to meet.

It was her untimely death that had forced you to go live with the man who was the reason you were born and the man who ruthlessly left your mother to fend for herself and a baby. You had tried for foster care, but the agents told you that your father was still alive and more than capable of taking care of you – being the famous Tony Stark and all.

So it would suffice to say that Tony was lowkey shocked when you turned up at his doorstep one day with a grudging expression and declarations of being his daughter. He actually didn’t believe you at first and asked you to piss off which confirmed your earlier assumptions about his character – asshole. After you’d snapped at him and showed him all the legal documentations stating that you two were blood-related as father-daughter after all, Tony was even more shocked than earlier.

Though he would rather die than admit it, he felt sad after seeing your fourteen-year-old self standing at his doorstep. He’d missed your birth, your first steps, your first words, he even missed helping you with homework in preschool – basically all precious moments you enjoy with a child. But you made it pretty clear that you didn’t want to be here – something that made Tony’s already overlarge pride swell like a bullfrog and stopped him from ever getting close to you. While you were busy thinking he didn’t want you, you overlooked a small detail – he took you in.

If anyone had the power to bribe an adoption agency to get rid of their kid, it was Anthony Stark, yet he never gave you away. The simple explanation (that he would never, in a million years, admit it to you) was that he didn’t want to lose you – around the only blood-related family he had left.

And so began your life as Y/N Stark. It functioned surprisingly well for your expectations. Pepper was really nice to you and those few occasions when the Avengers came over, you were able to talk to Natasha about ‘girl things’, her presence reminding you of the mother you had lost only too young. You sometimes even asked Bruce for help with homework, too proud yourself to go to Tony. Overall, you stayed out of his way while he stayed out of yours – an arrangement you were both satisfied with.

The worst part was that you never talked. Ever. You would wake up and walk to school, refusing Jarvis’ continued protests of letting you use the self-driving car, came home the same way where you did your homework and grabbed a snack before you ‘father’ came back upstairs from his little man cave in the basement and a small ‘good-evening’ passed between you two as you went your separate ways. This cycle repeated itself every day. Recently, your life at school hadn’t been going great.

You’d known that your skin tone was a notch darker than the others at your school – something you had gotten from your mother – and this was not something you really cared about. That’s when they started coming – the comments. What were originally small, snide retorts of ‘wash your face, ew!’ (A/N: I AM SO SORRY) had now escalated to them calling you obscene names you’d never heard before and asking you to leave ‘their’ school

Which was why, instead of being at school today, you were locked in your bedroom, sobbing into your pillow.

It had started out as a very unusual morning. After getting comments hurled at you left right and centre the previous day, you’d had enough. You’d woken up and declared to Jarvis that you were skipping school and he was to, under no circumstances, notify your father about this. After that you tried to eat some cereal, but the bubbling dread in your stomach made it taste like dry carpet, so you gave up and stomped into your room, locking the door before flinging yourself onto the bed and crying your heart out.

It was in times like these that you felt the need for something – a gaping hole in your chest. It seemed foolish to even admit it to yourself, but you really wanted someone like a parent. Someone who listened to your problems and comforted you accordingly, someone who actually cared about you. And since Tony Stark filled neither of these requirements, you gave up the foolish dream and sunk, once again, into your self-fashioned depths of misery.

-------

Tony casually sipped on his wine, putting one last screw into place to make the latest piece he was testing out. As he powered the device on, it vibrated for a moment before the words ‘model failed’ appeared on the screen Tony was examining.

He swore loudly and shoved it ungracefully aside before running his hands through his hair. There had been many an occasion where Tony seriously considered going to your room to just say something to you that wasn’t a monotonous ‘good evening’ or ‘the milk’s finished’ or something else like that. He wanted to talk to you. To you.

He wanted to get to know the real Y/N – what you were like when you weren’t too busy being bold and refusing to appear vulnerable. As if reading his thoughts, Jarvis’ voice filled the room suddenly.

“Sir, I do believe that Ms Stark is currently locked inside her bedroom. She refused to go to school just this morning.”

“What?” Tony exclaimed, “Why, did she tell you anything else?”

“Just this, Sir, along with a few obscene warnings of not informing you about this occurrence. If I recall correctly, Ms Stark told me she would rip out my sockets with her bare hands had I come to you.”

Ignoring the small smirk that was growing on his lips at the thought of you behaving exactly as he would, Tony wiped his tired hands on a nearby cloth before sprinting out the door and up the stairs to your bedroom.

He knocked on the door.

“Go away Pepper, not in the mood,” came your muffled voice. It was weak and raw – evidently, you had been crying.

Ignoring the poking feeling of dread bubbling in his stomach, Tony knocked again.

“Open up, kid, it’s me,” he shouted.

“Definitely not in the mood, thanks.”

Tony sighed. This was exactly what he had tried so hard to avoid –turning out like his own father. Not knowing how to deal with a daughter properly, he just let you go about your business as you wanted, hoping that it would yield better results than what his childhood had been like. Now, looking back at how much he’d neglected you, he suddenly realised that he had done the exact thing he was afraid of – hurt you.

“Y/N Y/M/N Stark, open the door. Please.”

Perhaps it was the please at the end or the way he acknowledged you as his living, breathing daughter for the first time that made you stagger limply over to the door and push it open.

Your eyes were puffy, red and swollen from bawling nonstop and your brows were knitted into a disapproving frown. It broke Tony’s heart to see you like this.

“Listening,” you sniffed, crossing your arms.

“Okay, why don’t you sit down,” Tony frowned slightly.

You gave another hearty sniff and led him to your bed where you flopped down and watched as he took a seat beside you.

You both sat in a very painful, deafening silence for the next few minutes.

“You didn’t go to school today,” Tony casually remarked as you played with your pillow, refusing to meet his eyes.

“I did,” you said simply.

“Wanna tell me what’s going on?” Tony offered.

“I really don’t,” you admitted as he burst out laughing and you gave a grudging giggle despite yourself.

“Seriously, kid,” Tony said in an undertone, “You’ve gotta open up a bit more. I mean, it’s been like what, two years since you moved here and you never bother telling me what’s going on. And look where that got you – come on, tell me what’s going on. Is it school?”

“Partially,” you quietly said to which he cocked an eyebrow.

“Completely,” you amended, sighing, “Kids, you know, they’re just being – well, mean.”

“Okay,” Tony nodded slightly, “You want to talk about it?”

“They... they make fun of me,” you admitted, “About – about my skin colour and stuff. And I know I’m being stupid, getting upset over this –”

“It’s not stupid,” Tony broke in, “It’s not stupid at all. Nothing gives anyone a right to talk to you that way.”

“Try telling that to them!” you burst out, final letting go of the pent-up emotions you’d been holding for days, “What did I ever do to them – it’s not my fault I look like this, maybe if I could choose what to look like, I’d choose something they want! Just about everyone seems to have a problem – what the hell do they expect me to do? It’s unjust, unfair, unsettling and unkind, but of course they don’t care, do they?!”

Tony didn’t even flinch throughout your entire outburst until you broke down and tears began rapidly pouring out of your eyes once more.

“Hey, hey, stop, listen to me,” Tony sternly said, seizing your shoulders and turning you to face him.

“You’re a Stark,” he said, gazing you dead in the eyes, “You are beautiful, you’re smart and you’re kind. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

This was too much for you to handle and you started sobbing again – sobs of partial happiness and partial guilt that didn’t look like they would stop anytime soon.

“Come here, kid,” was all Tony could say as he pulled you into a hug, allowing you to sob into his shirt while he stroked your hair, trying to calm you down.

“I’m sorry if I’ve ever been mean to you,” you whispered finally.

“It’s okay, kid,” Tony murmured, pressing a kiss to your forehead, “I’m sorry I haven’t been a great father all this time.”

You two sat in a now comfortable silence, occasionally clearing your throats or sniffling a bit before Tony finally spoke.

“If anyone says that to you again, I will have them cut up and fed to the fish in my house in Malibu.”

“Thanks, dad.”

[adamfoolcry]

i hate you, i love you (k.dy)

it's valentine's day and you try your hardest not to fall back in the arms of one kim doyoung - your former boss, recluse and closed off, your fuck buddy - whom you are completely in love with.

pairings: CEO!Doyoung x Fem!Reader, Johnny x Fem!Reader rating: 18+   genre: angst and smut  warnings: swearing, explicit sexual situations - hate sex, dirty talk wc: 3k+ prompt: 'i hate you' 

a/n: This is a part of Candy Hearts Collab hosted by @127-mile . Text in blockquote are text messages.Thank you for beta reading simmi(@sly-merlin ) and indi(@ncteaxhoe​). Not proofread excuse the mistakes please contact me if you would like to do so. Enjoy! - xo aria

Doyoung:

I don't know if you'll even read this but if you do, I want you to know that what we have for two years was not a game for me. Maybe we can't start being honest with each other. When you make up your mind you know where to reach me.

Mina really knows how to dress you up to the nines, you'll give her that.

"It's not bad," you nod at your reflection approvingly as you examine the dress you wrestled yourself in, clinging to your body in the right places effectively enhancing your silhouette. The soft silky texture of satin feels exquisite against your skin however you can’t exude the confidence the dress might have channeled you with. You don’t feel grand in fact you feel the opposite;

You want to cancel the date.

"Oh for christ's sake, ______. Maybe try to put some enthusiasm into this," Mina spun you around to face her, your back to the whole body mirror where a while ago you two were examining the outfit she picked up from the back of your closet - where dressier clothing of yours reside not seeing the light of the day unless for special occasions. 

Placing both her hands on your shoulders, "You were so excited when you called me to pick something to wear. What happened?" She further inquired.

You heave a sigh, "I don't know I am just not in a mood to go out on a date with a stranger," you admitted.

Mina pulls your eyes back to hers, gleaming with determination. "You are ______, an economics major who graduated on top of her class, who landed a new job as a senior financial analyst despite being in the industry for only three years. Now repeat it," Mina orders you.

"What does it have to do with -" you rolled your eyes, and whined dramatically.

She clicks her tongue on the roof of her mouth in displeasure, "Go on say it"

"I am ______, graduated on the top of my class and landed a new position as a senior financial analyst despite my tenurity," you mumble in a low voice.

"Good," Mina coddled you as if you are an infant who uttered her first word, "now add I am young, smart, and men want me."

You open your mouth to protest but Mina only pinned you with a hard look and you know you will not be getting out of this until you do as she says.

"I am young, smart, and men want me." You did as she told you.

Begrudgingly you did feel a lot better.

This is the third step of banishing Kim Doyoung in your life entirely. 

First is to send a resignation letter - done. 

Second, secure a new employment - done.

Third is to pursue a romantic relationship.

"Now let's get you ready for your date." Mina pulled you to the present, squeezing your bare shoulders to comfort you.

"I know that what you did is really hard. The sudden big change and all but today's Valentine's day you need to have a little fun today."

"I know Mina, now do my makeup." You pulled her to where your vanity table is located as you paste a smile on your face in order to placate her worries.

--------

If people were to know why you are doing this they might have called you silly.

After graduating from university you were offered the position of financial analyst in his company - a small but budding start up in Tech. Never would you have expected to land a job in your chosen field straight out of college. You are doing what you have envisioned yourself doing: analysing the trends and forecasting sales of the company's cloud solutions. You are comfortable with your current living situation, not what you have imagined after your parents cut you off no longer sending you an allowance. You thought you'd be working your ass off to make ends meet. Thankfully, the pay was high enough for you to live in an apartment in the city, pay your bills in time, and afford luxuries you knew that most people your age wouldn't have the money for. 

Everything seems perfect right? A job that you genuinely love, good pay, living in the heart of the city but of course you just have to develop feelings for your boss: Kim Doyoung. And that complicates everything; enough for you to decide to completely start over again.

Kim Doyoung has managed to worm into every nook and cranny of your life.

Kim Doyoung is a magnetic man, of few words, stern straight brows, and wide shoulders swaddled in elegant suits. He runs the company based on data-driven decisions unafraid of taking risks that produces the highest profitable outcome. Working at his company where all ten workers directly reports and closely works with him, you and your colleagues have developed quite a personal relationship with him. It was not conventional per se but you guess this is how all start-ups operate with a slightly different work culture. Unlike big corporations there is no bureaucracy, filling for leaves can just be a phone call or a visit to his office.

As his only financial analyst almost never leaving his side. You'd like to think that Doyoung might have developed a soft spot for you, maybe not in a romantic sense but in a platonic friendly way. He values your opinion enough that he asks for your input in any pivotal decisions either in work or his personal life. Whether to facilitate the migration to cloud as external contractors of big corporations or to oversee the renovation of his penthouse. And in small things too honestly, after all he asked for your help to decide whether the decor should be a Bohemian vibe or modern minimalistic black and grey.

That was until you fucked after the in-office celebration of closing a big contract. One moment he is talking about the vase that serves as a centerpiece of his dining table that you helped him pick, the next he was pulling your arm leading you to a dimly lit room. 

Yes, you did drink but you were sober enough to protest if you didn't want it; who are you kidding? Of course you wanted it to happen. Not one word of objection was uttered as he pinned you to the wall with your legs circling his waist. Instead of protests what left your lips was series of moans and his name in breathless pleas that he had to stuff your mouth with his fingers or else your colleagues will hear the two of you having sex two rooms away from them.

Doyoung slipped out of you stepping back to let you down.Your stilettos made a clicking noise as it came in contact with the tiled floor that echoed in your eardrums; deafening. Coming back down to earth and from your high is also the moment when you realized the mess you put yourself into by fucking Doyoung - your boss - in a storage room.

You righted both your disheveled appearances - to look as normal as possible - in order to go back to the pantry where the celebration was still in full swing. The tense silence that wrapped the atmosphere makes you want to shrivel in shame, both of you were aware of the line that you have crossed. 

The unspoken words were hanging in the air -

It was a mistake. Let's forget this ever happened. - and you refused to acknowledge the elephant in the room, the stillness making you uncomfortable by the second.

"_______ -," Doyoung started.

"We don't have to talk about it Doyoung." 

You moved for the door, not looking back to peek at Doyoung's expression. You just wanted to get out of the dusty storage room, the stuffy air and Doyoung's proximity, suffocating you. 

You thought you were smart enough not to make the same mistake again but you seem to have a penchant for getting hurt because you did it again and again every chance you got. When the effects of orgasm are wearing off and you are left naked and vulnerable you always find yourself swearing that it will be the last time but you already knew you were lying.

You just can't get enough of Doyoung even though it hurts to pretend that each encounter was meaningless.

Sleeping with someone where you never knew where you stand at is excruciatingly painful. 

You can't be jealous when you hear about the new girl he's with because you have no right.

It is painful when Doyoung gives you some false hope. Visiting you almost everyday in your small office bearing lunch for the two of you. He often spends half of his day loitering in your space, perching himself on the corner of your desk pushing around the knick knacks around your desk while you are busy with work.

Only to dash it when he tells you about the latest girl he's seeing which would mean your ears would bear the brunt of his relationship woes until it falls apart only for the vicious cycle to repeat again when he found himself in another one of his flings.

Everyday as he asks for relationship advice you feel yourself getting worn out and the green eyed monster roaring it's head, you try your hardest to tamp it down with your rational thinking. 

What hurts the most is he started his series of flings a week after you hooked up, rubbing on your face that it means nothing to him at all.

So after countless hours, days, and months of anguish you started planning your escape.

--------

There are so many thoughts running through your head it starts with: Did I overdress? Is Johnny having a good time? 

Then drifts into completely unrelated manners.

Did I manage to say goodbye to all of my co-workers? Clear out my desk in my office? Surrender my elevator pass to the friendly security guard? Retrieve my favorite mug in the pantry? 

Will everything be ok? Will I excel at my new company? Will I fit in a big corporation?

Will I miss Doyoung?

Am I doing the right thing?

Johnny cleared his throat which broke your reverie, your eyes settling in his face but Johnny seems to find the table napkin worthy of his attention rather than maintaining eye-contact with you.

"I had fun today but I think -," You see Johnny hesitating to continue his sentence, linking and unlinking his fingers instead.

You get it and you can't blame Johnny for his lack of interest. You were barely with him today after the small talk had died down and the two of you had finished your meals. You didn't make an effort to get to know him, the conversation was one sided as you barely threw the questions back at him; replying in terse short sentences as if you would rather be anywhere but having dinner with him.

"Yeah me too but it's really nice to spend Valentine's with you though and getting all dolled up. Makes me forget I am single," You joked and flashed him a smile; relieved, Johnny finally met your eyes as his actions mirror yours curving his lips into a smile.

-------

You hailed a cab for a ride back to your apartment, settling in the backseat you instructed and gave the address to the driver as his radio blasted cheesy romantic songs in your ear, making you feel more disappointed with how bad your date with Johnny went.

As the cab speeds through the city, the citylights intermingle with each other creating a spectrum of colors that bounce back at the cab’s windows, the scenery of skyscrapers blurring past your eyes and your mind returns back to musing which you know is a dangerous territory because somehow your mind always returns back to him.

Doyoung

What exactly did you want to be with Doyoung?

You want him to like you? No, You want to mean something to him, to be the special person he runs to whenever he's devastated, to be the first person he calls when he's completely utterly bursting with joy. You want him to be completely aware of your presence that even just a mere mention of your name will evoke something in him, make his heart beat a little faster and cause some flush to bleed through his cheeks.

You want him to be endeared with your habitual tics - how you drum your fingers in every surface when you are in deep thought, a line maring your forehead between your brows and make his lips itch to kiss it. You want him to be captivated with your idiosyncrasies and find it charming, you want him to adore everything about you that made you, distinctly you.

You want him to want you.

Your phone vibrated and interrupted your stupor and upon seeing Doyoung’s name attached to the notification. Your fingers quickly unlocked your phone, fingers ringing from an adrenaline rush just from the sight of his name.

Doyoung:

Come over?

And just like that you inform your cab driver to make a detour and drive to Doyoung’s instead.

Doyoung opened the gigantic door of his penthouse where he found you on the other side of the door, shifting your weight from foot to foot, nervous to be in the same perimeter as him. When the gap was big enough to see you his eyes roved over to your body and noted that you were dressed up nicely for a date. His eyes then turned into slits as he glared at you.

“Have fun with your date?” He questioned and you can see his jaw set - the muscles clenching tight.

You didn’t answer, you don’t want him to know the pathetic evening you spent with Johnny as your mind drifts to thoughts of him; instead of actively participating with Johnny’s effort of back and forth.

As if knowing that you wouldn’t answer, his arms went to grab your forearms pulling you inside and leading you to the stairs up his loft where his bed is, you followed meekly behind him. Reaching his loft you look around and try to commit to memory the layout of the room; promising yourself that this will be the last time you will set foot in this room.

Doyoung attached his lips to your neck which drew a soft moan from you, spurred by your sounds he continued to ravish your neck oscillating between harshly sucking and peppering soft kisses on the expanse of the skin of your neck. His hands running at your sides smoothly and gradually getting closer to the underside of your breasts with each pass, when he finally cupped your mounds you arch in his palms further pushing yourself closer to him, greedy for his attention from all the teasing that he has done.

When he spoke again it fanned over the nape of your neck making your skin tingle from the warmth, “Why can’t you understand that I am the only one who can make you feel this way.” 

You can smell the residue of whisky on his breath and you wanted to taste it on your tongue even though from all the times you have slept with him you two have never kissed. You have drawn the line there for kissing is much more intimate than slapping bodies againsts each other for satisfaction. Kissing can be done without sexual notions but a simple act between couples and it is a glaring truth that you two were not.

You found yourself naked and sprawled on his queen size bed where you have lain your back many times but never spent a night in. Even the off white color of his ceiling is familiar to you as if mocking you for all the times you said you wouldn’t see it again. As he slips your dress down your body, your eyes water and it pooled in your eyes ready to spill over. ‘This is the last time,’ you tell yourself again, 'this is the last time that I will be Doyoung’s beck and call.' When he was finished trailing his lips down and also discarding his clothes at the other side of the bed you managed to swipe the tears that gathered in your eyes and look at him.

Towering over you he was a sight to behold and you trace the line of his body with your eyes, caressing the dips on his collarbones and the line that leads down to his cock as his face coil into a smirk smug with the knowledge that he can turn you into a whimpering mess.

“What do you want?” He asked while splaying his hands on your stomach, his thumb drawing circles on your clit which made your moans even louder and your pussy clench on nothing. You hate that he was the only one who can make you feel this way, reducing you into a pleading mess as you move your hips to the rhythm that he has set. 

You don’t have to tell him your guttural whines already told him what you wanted and he obliged inserting his length into you slowly, while you gripped his sheets until your knuckles turned white. You loved the way he filled you and the burn that accompanies when he stretched your clamping muscles on him.

So you let all your reasoning go because Doyoung’s cock pumping inside you felt good, too good. 

He knows your body like an instrument, putting the right pressure and hitting the spots that makes you throw your head back repeatedly. You can feel the falter in his quick thrusts and knows that he is near his end. Doyoung makes this one sound at the back of his throat when he orgasms … and you follow suit too as he falls apart.

It took a few seconds for him to untangle his legs and arms from your figure and it took you a couple of minutes of staring at the walls, waiting until you felt your legs can support you before you stood up and searched for your dress and undergarments. You can hear the rustle of the sheets as Doyoung sits on his bed watching your back as you slip on your panties and pull your dress back in its place.

“So tell me why did you leave the company?” Doyoung asked, his voice ringing loudly in your ears.

“I told you already I want to work in a big company,” You try to answer nonchalantly.

“Really? Or does it have something to do with me?

“Oh for fuck’s sake Doyoung. The world doesn’t revolve around you!” You shouted at him as you turned around to face him. Your ire rising as you see the cold stoic look on his face - unaffected by your outburst.

“Then why does it feel like you are running away from me?” He stood up from the bed and warily approached you as if you will lash at him any moment.

“I hate you,” (I love you) you whispered under your breath the words not meant from his ears but he heard it anyway. Disbelief painted his features he cannot grasp the reason why you are suddenly acting like this.

He reached out to touch your arm but you swerved his hand like a hurt animal nursing a wound and Doyoung then noticed your bloodshot eyes and defensive stance.

“Don’t touch me. Whatever destructive thing this is Doyoung, I am done. We’re done,” You stated bluntly your voice devoid of emotions a complete contrast with how you hugged yourself tightly with your arms.

“You don’t mean that,” Doyoung said adamantly as color drained from his face, making his pale complexion - paper white. 

“You can’t just walk away,” He added more to convince himself than you because he can see that hard look in your eyes - already set in the decision of walking away from him.

“Watch me Doyoung,” your lips curved into a cruel bitter smile. 

You leave him with those words as he watches your retreating figure until it completely disappears from his line of vision. 

--------

That night when you received a text from Doyoung, you never bothered to open it, opting to delete it and completely block all communications with him. You need to move on and in order to do it you need to sever all ties that might delude you to come back in his arms again.

You need to escape from Kim Doyoung for it's been due too long.

a/n: Read more of my works for NCT here:masterlist

[businessbois]

does “bet on it” from high school musical perfect encapsulate tommyinnit’s arc from exile to doomsday? or have i just not slept enough? find out below the cut

Everybody's always talkin' at me Everybody's tryin' to get in my head I wanna listen to my own heart talkin' I need to count on myself instead

this is a struggle tommy constantly has. everybody is always “trying to get in his head,” telling him what he thinks, what he wants. wilbur in pogtopia. dream in exile. technoblade during their partnership. tommy constantly suffers from a lack of agency, instead doing what whoever he’s latched on to at the moment is telling him. tommy picking tubbo at the community house is him very much “doing whatever his heart tells him to do” (as wilbur once advised) or listening to his “own heart talkin” and finally making a choice from himself.

(Did you ever) Lose yourself to get what you want? (Did you ever) Get on a ride, then wanna get off? (Did you ever) Push away the ones you shoulda held close? Did you ever let go? Did you ever not know?

by tommy’s own admittance, he’s become “worse than everyone he didn’t want to be.” he says “if this is what i’ve become, then i don’t want to be me anymore.” he very much lost himself by teaming up with techno to get what he thought he wanted (the discs). at that moment in the community house, he realized that destroying l’manburg, that anarchy, was a ride that he wanted to get off. he very much did push away the people he should have held close (not entirely his fault due to his mental state in exile and dream’s manipulation “nobody cares about you, tommy”) like jack, ranboo, tubbo. “the discs were worth more than you ever were!” and this is when he realizes his mistake.

I'm not gonna stop, that's who I am I'll give it all I got, that is my plan Will I find what I lost? You know you can

tommy is... (wait for it)... nonstop. what he lost is most obviously the discs (but it could also be l’manburg or his friendships.) and we all know he doesn’t stop until he gets these back.

Bet on it, bet on it Bet on it, bet on it (Bet on me)

i just thought it was funny that tommy used to run a casino in smpearth. betting. ha.

I wanna make it right, that is the way To turn my life around, today is the day

most of the stuff in this next verse is pretty self explanatory. tommy wanting to make things right by siding with tubbo and fighting techno and dream on doomsday. this is his day to veer off the destructive path he was taking.

How will I know if there's a path worth takin'? Should I question every move I make? With all I've lost, my heart is breakin' I don't wanna make the same mistakes

tommy is very unsure of his decisions. he’s been wrong before. he’s been the bad guy. but he doesn’t want to be the hero either. what’s the right move? siding with techno? with tubbo? “with all he’s lost,” meaning: his discs, his country, his friends, his childhood, his brother, his possessions, his home, his hope, literally everything a guy could lose, chances are tommy’s lost it. as he admits later in the egg and hotel streams, tommy blames himself for the destruction of l’manburg, for everything that’s gone wrong. he doesn’t want to make these mistakes again. he doesn’t want to repeat this cycle of violence. i suppose you could say he also doesn’t want to make the same mistakes as his predecessor, wilbur, or his enemy, dream. both who also pushed people away and ended up down a destructive path.

I don't wanna win this game if I can't play it my way

ha video game. kind of meta. (also tommy refusing to play the game not in his way by rejecting the destruction of l’manburg and instead siding with his home, his friends, and his original values)

It's no good at all to see yourself And not recognize your face Out on my own, it's such a scary place, ooh

everything i mentioned before about about how tommy “became worse than everyone he hated” and “turned into the person he didn’t want to be.” in the community house, he says “i look around and i’m not the person i want to be” this is the moment where he examines himself and his actions and realizes he doesn’t recognize himself. “out on my own” is exile. obviously tommy really hates being alone, he’s a social creature, that’s why exile hit him so hard and that’s why he clings to people to follow like wilbur, dream, and then techno. he struggles to follow his own ideals and find himself again after exile and that’s what this song is about.

okay yeah that’s most of the lyrics. this feels like a genius interview but just done completely Wrong. but i mean tommy and troy even share the same iconic red and white shirt. are there animatics of this? there should be /j

[1plus1kiyoomi]

Chapter 21: Kia, I Am Your Father

[prev] [next]

[masterlist] [kia’s slambook]

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6 months have passed and having 2 kids both under the age of 4 is not as challenging as you expected to be. The main reason is because both of of your daughters are the easiest to handle. Mina barely cries unlike other babies, and she sleeps well through the night. But because she is still a baby, she needs a lot of watching and attention, way too much for Kia’s liking.

Kia likes being an older sister. She holds Mina’s feeding bottle when it’s time for eating. She knows when it’s time for Mina to nap. She watches over her little sister when you’re showering or cooking. She’s doing an excellent job as a big sister.

You and Kiyoomi thought Kia just loves Mina, the reason why she’s very doting towards her.  But Kia does all that to get approval and praise from you and Kiyoomi. Kia hates that she’s not getting as much attention as before. She hates that it’s always about Mina and just sometimes Kia.

“It’s because of you!” Kia screams all of a sudden while you are cooking at the kitchen and Kiyoomi is showering. You both trust Kia that much. You run to your daughters and see Mina on the foamed floor of the living room instead of her bassinet.

“Kia, what’s wrong?” You try to ask her calmly, picking Mina up from the ground. She doesn’t answer you, but storms off to the nursery. You follow her, Mina still in your arms. “Kia!”

“It’s because of Mina! You and papa don’t love me anymore!” She cries, grabbing a baby bottle from one of Mina’s drawers. Kia throws it to the ground, shocking you.

“Kia, don’t do that!” You scold her. She rummages through the drawers and throws Mina’s clothes and diapers out. You try to stop her but then she throws a teether at you, hitting you on your forehead. Worse, it bounced to Mina. The baby cries.

“Sakusa Kia!” Kiyoomi shouts from the doorway. He witnessed everything.

“I hate you! I hate you!” Kia continues to throw things at you and you turn to protect Mina.

Kiyoomi quickly goes to Kia and grabs her by her arm. He sits her down on her bed, her cries worsening. “Say sorry to your mama!” Kiyoomi demands, but Kia firmly shakes her head. “Do it. Now.”

“No! I hate her! I hate you, too!” Kia responds, throwing a pillow at him. His patience running thin, Kiyoomi slams his hand on the bedside table, a loud smacking sound echoing through the whole room. Kia’s cries are exchanged with shivering.

“Is it good to throw things at other people?” Kiyoomi scolds her, his hand hitting the wooden surface once again. “Answer me!” Kia doesn’t answer him so he smacks the table one more time, her shaking getting more intense.

“Kiyoomi, that’s enough. I think she understands now,” you tell him, a hand on his arm.

“No! She clearly doesn’t understand! She won’t throw things like this if she understands! She’s being an unreasonable brat right now!” Kiyoomi shouts. You knead the muscle on his arm, trying to calm him down.

“Omi, Kia’s trembling,” you whisper to him and he takes a look at Kia carefully. She is trembling. He wants to apologize for scaring her, but he won’t. Not after she threw that tantrum. “I’ll go talk to her. Take Mina and prepare the dinner.”

“Fine,” Kiyoomi complies, taking Mina from your arms. “She doesn’t leave this room until she cleans up the mess she made.” He doesn’t spare another glance at Kia as he leaves the room with Mina. Hearing the door shut close, Kia starts wailing. You wrap your arms around her, taking her into your arms.

“Kia, baby, tell me what’s wrong.” She still doesn’t answer. “Is it because you think mama and papa don’t love you anymore because of the new baby?” She nods, her sobs not quietening down. “I’m sorry if we made you feel that way. Mama and papa love you so much. Next time, if you’re upset, you tell us instead of getting angry and throwing things.”

“I’m sorry, mama,” Kia apologizes, wrapping her arms around your neck and burying her face on your shoulder.

“It’s okay baby. Just promise not to do that again.” You hear Kia mutter a quiet ‘yes’ so you kiss the side of her head. “Let’s go out and apologize to Mina and your papa, okay?”

“No! I hate Mina and Kyo! Kyo hates Kia, too,” Kia refuses.

Despite Kia’s protests, you carry her out to the kitchen. You sit her down at her highchair but she doesn’t look at her father who is in front of her. Kiyoomi glares at her, so you sigh. Kia quickly eats her food then leaves the table to go back to her room. You give a look of disappointment to Kiyoomi but he just shrugs.

“She’s really mad at you,” you start. “She called you Kyo.” His heart breaks into a million pieces from what you said.

“It’ll pass. She’ll be fine tomorrow.” He tries to convince himself. He cleans the table, memories flashing back in his mind. You notice the sudden change mood on your face so you get an idea.

“Omi, what do you think about letting Atsumu take care of Mina for a few hours next Sunday? I mean his wife is pregnant, right? They might need some practice,” you tell him, but he doesn’t seem like he’s listening. You continue to speak, “Then we can take Kia out for a little date just to spend more time with her. She thinks we don’t love her anymore.”

“I’ll talk to her after I wash the dishes. Go take Mina to sleep,” Kiyoomi responds. You stand up from your seat and wrap you arms around him from behind.

“Stop overthinking, baby.” You tip toe to kiss him on the cheek then leave to bring Mina to bed.

After doing the dishes, Kiyoomi goes to Kia’s room. He leans on the doorway frame, watching Kia arrange the bottles and diapers she threw a while ago. He knocks on the door, startling Kia. She turns and sees him going to her so she dashes to her bed.

Kiyoomi sighs before sitting on the edge of her bed. “Kia,” he calls her as she covers her face with her blanket. “Do you wanna sleep beside mama and papa?”

No response.

“Do you wanna watch Transformers with me?”

Again, no response.

“Do you want to go to Mu-chan’s?” Kia lowers her blanket, then examines at Kiyoomi’s face. She shakes her head then goes back under the blanket. “Okay, then. Good night.”

Kiyoomi heads back to your room and you’re already asleep. He checks on Mina’s crib then sees that she’s still awake. She reaches her arms out to him and he chuckles. “You’re like your sister, too, huh?” He picks Mina up from the crib and he goes to the living room with her.

He sits down on the couch, and sits Mina on his lap, his legs bent up to support the baby’s back. “You know, your sister is mad at me,” Kiyoomi tells Mina. “She thinks we don’t love her because you’re around. But it’s not your fault, sweetie. It’s also not your sister’s fault. I mean, I do think I don’t spend much time with her.”

Mina lets out a random cry, and he acts as if he understands her. Kiyoomi sighs, “I did. I talked to Kia, but she doesn’t want to talk to. What should I do?”

“Kya!” Mina giggles, hearing her sister’s name, but Kiyoomi registers it as another babble.

“Mina, I didn’t understand that. I’m sorry.” Kiyoomi admits. Mina babbles but with more force this time. “Are you angry at me also?” She stops squirming and looks at Kiyoomi nonchalantly. “You are?”

They continue to ‘talk’ until Kiyoomi falls asleep on the couch with Mina on his chest. The sun rises, waking Mina up. Instead of crying, she just stays there on his chest. A door opens so she looks at that direction.

“Mina...” Kia says as she sees her little sister awake. She stares at her in a daze, then remembers hitting Mina the day before. “Tell mama and Kyo I went out, okay? I will come back.”

Kia runs to her room then grabs a backpack. She puts her little panda bank in it then goes to the front door. She puts her shoes on and manages to unlock the door with her little hands. She slowly closes the door, afraid that she’ll wake her father up.

Kia walks down the cemented slope, looking around from time to time. She hums a song as she excitedly walks to her destination. She sees a flight of stairs, so she takes a deep breath in before taking one step down.

“One.”

“Two.”

“Three.”

“Four.”

“Four.”

“Six.”

“Five.”

“Ten.”

That cycle repeats until she’s finally done with the steps. She continues to walk for a few more minutes until she finally sees her destined location. The flower field.

Kia squeals then runs around the field first before she goes to the flower stall. “Good morning, grandma!” She greets the owner.

“Hello, Kia. Where’s your father?” The owner asks her, looking around for any signs of her father. “Did you go here on your own?”

“He’s sleeping,” Kia answers, worrying the owner. “Can I buy flowers for my baby sister? I hurt her yesterday so I will buy flowers for her so she’ll forgive me.”

“Ah, yes, of course!” The owner smiles at her. “Do you want to help me make it?”

“Yes!” Kia cheers then runs to her behind the counter of the stall.

The owner picks her phone up and calls a certain someone. “Hey. Your friend’s child is here. I think she went here on her own with her parents knowing. Can you come pick her up? Okay, thank you.”

The two of them continue to make the bouquet, the lady doing it slower than usual to kill some time. She’s afraid that if they finish, Kia will dash out and return home on her own.

“Kia...” A familiar voice calls her, exciting her. She jumps off the chair she’s standing on and runs to the owner of the voice.

“Shin-chan!” The said man picks her up, her giving him a kiss on the cheek in the process.

“Let me get you home,” Kita tells her. She nods at his statement.

“Mina’s flowers and I have to pay!” She takes out the little bank in her bag then gives it to the store owner. “I got that money from helping mama at home!”

“If you give this to me then you will not have money anymore,” the owner says to her and Kia saddens a bit.

“It’s okay! Mina will be happy!” She smiles at the shopkeeper. The lady pretends to take out something from her bank then gives it back to her as ‘change.’ “Thank you, grandma! I’ll see you soon!”

Kia and Kita goes to his parked truck and when he opens the door, a white small dog is sitting on the front seat, wagging its tail excitedly. Kia’s eyes widen in happiness.

“A puppy!” Kia squeals, Kita settling her on the seat. He puts the seatbelt on her before he puts on his. “What’s his name?”

“Rice,” Kita responds. The dog barks, so Kia lets out a small ‘woof.’ The said dog licks her face, making her giggle. “Rice, sit. Stop moving.”

He finally starts the engine of his car and heads to your house with Kia’s directions. “Why did you leave home?”

“I bought gift for my little sister!” She shows off the flower.

“Next time, don’t leave the house without your parents. What if you got lost? You’ll never see your papa again,” Kita scolds her, eyes on the road.

“It’s okay. Kyo hates me,” Kia responds, a hint of sadness in her voice. Kita places a hand on her head, petting her.

“Don’t say that. Your papa loves you so much.”

They arrive in front of your house, so Kita carries Kia to the front door. He knocks on the door, hoping they’re at the right house.

Inside the house, Mina hears the knocks. She hits Kiyoomi on the face, waking him up. “Kya! Kya!”

“Huh?” Kiyoomi is still in a daze. He hears the knocks, so he places Mina back in the bassinet and he dashes out to the front door. Who could be knocking at his door so early in the morning? He checks the monitor and sees Kita and Kia?

Kiyoomi opens the door quickly, confused as hell. “Good morning, Sakusa-san.” Kita bows to him so he bows as well. Kia squirms off Kita and enters the house quickly to look for Mina. “Kia went out to the flower fields on her own today.”

“She did?” Kiyoomi’s sleepiness has vanished upon his words.

“Yes. And I think she might be a little upset with you,” Kita tells him.

“Ah, yes, she is. Can I know what she told you?” Sakusa awkwardly asks.

“She said you don’t love her,” Kita answers nonchalantly.

“Is that so?” Sakusa frowns. “Thank you so much for bringing her home. Thank you.” He bows multiple of times as Kita heads to his car.

Kiyoomi returns inside and sees Kia presenting the flowers to Mina. “I’m sorry for hurting you yesterday, Mina. Neechan promises not to do it again.” She plants a kiss on her forehead and the baby giggles.

“Kia,” Kiyoomi calls out and she nervously faces him. He squats down to be on the same level as her. His heart is still aching from the reason why Kia is acting like this towards him. He can’t get mad at her. “Don’t leave the house without me or your mama, okay?” She nods. “Give me a kiss.” Kia ignores him and heads to her room instead.

You get out of your room, just woken up. You see the flowers on the floor and ask Kiyoomi where it’s from. He explains to you and you get worried. “We should change the door knob.”

Kia comes out of her room with papers and a box of crayon. She sets it on the coffee table of the living room and starts scribling.

You and Kiyoomi are on the couch, just watching her. Mina is wide awake, watching her sister draw. Kia shows her a drawing. “Look, Mina! It’s me, you, and mama!”

“How about me?” Kiyoomi pouts.

“Here.” Kia points at a dot in another piece of paper. You chuckle, Kia’s response is just way too funny.

“But Kia, I am your father. I should be on the same paper,” he whines.

“No, Kyo isn’t my papa.” Kia continues to draw. Kiyoomi huffs then an idea pops in his mind. He stands up from the couch and heads to his room. A minute later, he comes back out with his training duffel bag.

“You are so petty,” you tell him and he just shrugs. Kia is his daughter and he knows how to push her button. If she’s still not crying after him this, then, maybe he isn’t her father after all.

You take out your phone and start recording. “I’m going to practice now,” Kiyoomi says loudly. Kia continues to draw, but the grip on the crayon is much tighter.

“Have fun,” you tell him, going along with him. He goes to you and kisses you all over your face. Kia eyes you, her head hung low. She mentally counts the kisses Kiyoomi is giving you.

‘That’s a lot of tomorrow.’ Kia thinks, her scribbles getting uneasy. She sees Kiyoomi go to Mina who is settled beside her. He kisses Mina a lot of times as well. ‘That’s already more than ten tomorrows!’

Kia waits for Kiyoomi to kiss her, but he just passes by her. You record the pain in Kia’s eyes as she looks up to his figure in disbelief. Kia storms off the room and goes to yours. She comes back with a face mask on hand.

“Have fun,” Kia deadpans at Kiyoomi, handing him the face mask. He looks defeated. You stiffle in your laughter, not wanting to rub salt on deep open wound.

“I will,” Kiyoomi scoffs. He won’t lose to this battle of pride against his daughter. He turns his heels to head to the front door, his footsteps loud and painfully slow in Kia’s ears.

Kiyoomi finally turns the knob of the door and Kia starts wailing. She runs to the entryway and wraps her arms around his knee.

“Don’t leave,” Kia cries. Kiyoomi picks her up, a successful smile plastered on his face. “Papa, please don’t leave!”

“Papa?” Kiyoomi cocks an eyebrow at her. “I thought I’m not your papa.”

“You’re my papa. You’re Kia’s papa,” Kia says in between sobs. She tightly hugs him, her face buried in her shoulder, leaving a wet patch on his shirt.

“Then do you love me?” Kiyoomi asks her.

“Yes. I love papa so much!” Kia claims, then cups his cheeks. She plants a kiss on his forehead, then he smiles at her.

“I love you so much more.” He nuzzles his nose against hers, her cries turning into giggles.

Kiyoomi finally sighs in relief, his worries leaving his body. He doesn’t want history to repeat itself. He wants Kia to feel loved by him because he promised her. He doesn’t want Kia to slip off his fingers even if he’s holding her tightly already. He doesn’t care if his daughters are full of snot and germs, he wants to hold them as much as he can because he knows that one day he won’t be able to do that.

He silently chuckles. He can’t believe he used to hate children. He just can’t see that self of his anymore. He thinks that if you never returned and he didn’t meet Kia, his life would be a void. He can’t think of anything that he’ll be doing now if he doesn’t have you and his daughters.

Sakusa Kiyoomi finally admits it. He loves children, especially his children.

As you watch the two of them, you feel something curl in your stomach. You quickly get off the couch and run to your bathroom. You throw up in the toilet, holding your hair away from your face. The familiar feeling hitting you like a truck.

“No fucking way,” you curse under your breath. You get up from the floor and wash your face, gargling before you get out with a tight feeling on your chest.

You see the three or them cuddling on the couch, as the Transformer movie plays. Kia under Kiyoomi’s arm while Mina is lying on his chest. You smile at the sight, but then you remember your problem.

“Omi,” you call him but he doesn’t respond, since his eyes are glued to the screen as well. “Sakusa Kiyoomi.” His head literally whips to your direction as he hears his full name come out of your mouth.

“Yes, angel?” He tries to act calm, wondering why you’re sounding so serious. You keep quiet.

You remember leaving him because he didn’t want kids. You remember how he hated Kia so much but then got wrapped around her little finger. You don’t feel great joy seeing him and your two daughters cuddling so comfortably on the couch. You’re thankful that they’re getting along and Kiyoomi came along halfway and embraced parenthood.

But you don’t know how he’ll react to your announcement seeing how happy and contented he is now with his two daughters at the moment. You’re not sure if he’ll want to have an addition this early.

“Baby, are you okay?” Kiyoomi snaps you out of your thoughts.

“Ah, yes, sorry.” You settle between his legs, your head on his stomach, just below Mina’s small feet.

“What were you going to tell me?” Kiyoomi reminds you.

“I forgot,” you giggle, hiding your nervousness.

“Are you sure?” Kiyoomi asks and you nod. He doesn’t push the topic. He places a on your head, massaging your scalp. “I suddenly thought of something.”

“What is it?” You sit up, and you see a look of discomfort on his face.

“Atsumu’s wife is pregnant with sons, right? Which means that his children will be on the same age group as our Mina. What if his sons fall in love with our Mina and then she will be stuck in a love triangle with them! Then she will eventually choose one of them and she will become a Miya! Which means I will be haunted by Atsumu forever!”

You giggle at his rambles, wondering where it came from. “I don’t think you should be worrying about Mina. I think it’s our other child who’ll be in a love triangle with Atsumu’s sons.”

“Huh?” Kiyoomi sits up, his full attention on you. “What are you trying to say? Don’t beat around the bush.”

“I think I’m pregnant again.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Facts:

Kiyoomi has finally gotten the son he asked for and he’s with Atsumu’s sons future love interest.

They’re named Sakusa Kin and Sakusa Mira

ha ha ha jokes on you all, this is not the last chapter

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Taglist: @elianetsantana​​ aoi-turtle ptv-hades  aquzairus a-applepi  justoneofthefangirlsarianna-r13 morenabambinii chaelysian @loser-keiji​​ mxngy ne-kuroon1fangirlsblog d-efend missalicebaskervillemarvelousbakugou @agaashesmilktea​ bonkyandloki kimi09 ntimacy @mkazuyuh  ushi-please minty-mangos-world @dearest-kiyoomi​ yeehawslap  onlyshinji obsessedwhxre adrasteiaxandromedaa abuliawrites song-of-storms162 tnu-ree keichainn

[pandoraborn]

When he’s with Sam, he’s fine. He has something to think about and work for, and life feels normal. When he’s with Sam, with Tubbo, he feels normal again.

It’s when he’s alone that things feel different. When he’s alone, he doesn’t think. He sits alone in his house, staring at his wall for hours. He doesn’t show any emotion, he doesn’t sleep, he lets himself sink into a deep stupor, lost in memories.

It happens every night, and Tommy doesn’t know how to break the cycle. He isn’t sure he wants to.

He loses track of how long this goes on for. During the days, he’s happy and fine, and he can pretend everything is fine. But when night falls and he heads back for the back room in his house, Tommy sinks into a chair and slumps back, letting his gaze unfocus. He’s shell-shocked, numb and so ready to not think anymore.

“Tommy?”

He doesn’t respond right away to the voice hovering nearby. It could be anyone; Phil, Techno, or even Ghostbur. Wait, Ghostbur is gone.

“Tommy, snap out of it.”

He blinks slowly, trying to force the sluggish haze off. Coming back to reality is almost painful, but he’s turning his head to the side to stare at the figure in the doorway. He blinks again when he sees more than one.

It’s all three of them.

Tommy shakes his head curtly, annoyed that his nightly ritual is interrupted. He doesn’t want to focus on anyone or anything, he’d done plenty of that during the day. He’d been running around, doing all sorts of tasks, and now he just wants to slip.

“Tommy, you can’t keep doing this to yourself.” Phil marches into the room without invitation. Tommy doesn’t even protest, he’s already going back to staring at the wall, trying to succumb to that mindlessness again. He barely reacts when Phil grabs his chin, jerking his head to the side for forced eye contact. “Tommy!”

“I’m fine.” His voice is far too calm for how irritated he feels. Almost monotone.

I’m so tired.

“You really don’t look fine,” Techno pitches in. “How long have you been doing this?”

“I’m fine,” Tommy repeats, with more emphasis in his voice now. “Everything is under control.” He apathetically pulls away from Phil, trying to swat the man’s hands away. “Leave me alone, I’m busy.”

“Do you think people don’t notice what you’re doing?” Wilbur walks in, moving with more care and caution than the other two. This is Wilbur, not Ghostbur. He really is coming back, isn’t he? “Tommy, people are whispering about you.”

“I’m in my house,” Tommy mutters. “It’s not like I’m moping in the middle of the SMP.”

“You have an open front room,” Techno points out. “Your house is also not exactly hidden. Come on Tommy, I’ve seen you in this room a couple of times. What’s wrong?”

“It’s not like anyone cares.” Tommy’s voice is going back to that distant monotony that has the other three looking at each other with concern; Tommy can see it through his peripheral vision. “I’d like all of you to leave please. I don’t want to think anymore.”

Phil kneels down next to him, taking his hand. “Tommy, look at me. Please come back to reality. Look at us.”

“There’s nothing to look at.” Tommy shakes his head, letting himself slump back. “I’m fine, okay? You needn’t worry so much.”

“It’s one thing for you to get angry or lash out, but this new behavior is so unlike you and quite frankly, it’s terrifying.” Wilbur inches closer. “You have to talk to someone. We’re your family.”

“Family?” Tommy breathes lightly through parted lips, not really responding. This conversation is taking a turn that twists his gut and fills him with nausea. “We haven’t exactly been much of a family before, why are we starting now?”

There’s no response for a long while. Tommy knows why they’re not answering, and it’s because any answer they give will undoubtedly send him into a blood-red rage, and Tommy doesn’t want to snap out of this numb trance he’s in. He feels safe here.

“Will you at least let us stay the night?” Techno asks.

“No room,” comes the distant reply. “You can camp out outside if you’re so worried.”

“Okay, nope.”

Tommy doesn’t know who’s saying that. Why don’t they understand him? Why don’t they understand that he just wants to shut down? That he hurts too much to think or speak or wear a mask anymore? He exhales again, slower than the first time, and trying to let himself slip away.

He completely snaps out of it when he feels himself being lifted up out of the chair, being flung over someone’s back. Techno’s the culprit here.

Tommy reacts, finally. He screams and thrashes, trying to grab onto his walls and chests and furniture, red-faced and angry. Phil pries his fingers loose each time, untiil they’re outside and away from anything Tommy can latch onto. They’re still walking, and he’s screaming even louder until his throat tears and he can taste acid. Even then, he refuses to stop yelling.

He ignores the pain-fueled tears streaming down his face, falling down the sides of his face and blinding his vision. Everything is a red blur, and he’s trying to claw at Techno, yelling inane words that make no sense.

Eventually, he falls limp, too spent to continue. They’re exiting the nether, back in that stupid snowy biome he won’t admit he missed. He pokes his head around, seeing Ranboo just up ahead.

This is embarrassing.

He lets himself fall limp, trying to conjure up that same empty feeling he’s come to rely on. It doesn’t come; he’s just exhausted.

“Tommy, you need better coping mechanisms,” Phil says softly. “Retreating into your own head isn’t healthy or good. You need to be around people.”

“Kidnapping me isn’t good either,” Tommy spits. “I want to go home.”

“Okay.” Techno sounds all too cheerful as he dumps Tommy on the ground. When he scrambles to his feet, he’s not happy to see himself in front of Techno’s cabin. Off in a corner, he can see where Ranboo lives. The enderman hybrid is watching them with an emotion Tommy can’t identify.

Tommy wants to punch the asshole in the face.

“Not this home,” he snarls. “I don’t want to be around any of you. Fuck all of you and fuck this Sleepybois business. I just need to be at home with my enderchest, and you all can have fun with Ranboo.”

Wilbur moves forward, pushing Tommy toward the cabin. His touch is still more gentle than Phil’s and Techno’s combined. “Tommy, my Tommy.” His voice is just as gentle and soothing. “Tommy, we’re all fucked up in one way or another, but the thing is, and I want Phil and Techno to understand this too. Ranboo as well, because he’s listening right now. You’re a child. You can protest all you want that you don’t need anyone, and we’re a shitty family. Which is true! But nonetheless, we’re still family. You and Me especially, and you and me are going to get you to sleep for once, so you can go back to actually thinking.”

“I don’t want to!” Tommy’s voice is rising again, throat burning from his earlier tantrum. He feels sick, he’s shaking too much, and he wants to run. He’s not safe anymore, especially with four pairs of eyes staring him down. He hates feeling so vulnerable. “God, none of you get it! I’m tired! I don’t want to think I don’t want to feel anything, I just want to sit in my home and stare at the wall all night. I’m not hurting anyone, I’m not doing anything destructive, I’m keeping to myself like everyone wanted. Leave me alone!”

He backs up a few steps, but he’s blocked by Ranboo, who nudges him back toward the cabin. Here, his legs give out on him. He’s more tired than he thought.At least when he wasn’t thinking, he didn’t have to focus on his exhaustion. Now, it’s all hitting him at once, and he’s on the ground, too spent to move.

Maybe they’ll leave him here. He hopes so. No one’s grabbing at him to pick him up. He can almost hear them walking away, snow crunching beneath their feet. They’re walking away, and distantly he can hear a door shutting. Finally, he can let himself slip away, and the world around him is fading at dizzying speeds. He can finally be alone.

“Tommy?”

“Go away.” Christ, he’s tired. Leave him alone...

“Just letting you know you’ve been asleep for most of the day, and we all thought you might be hungry. Wilbur had to go again, but he says he loves you.” The voice sounds like Ranboo.

“Mm.” Tommy rolls to his side, stretching his arms out over the snow-

Bed?

It doesn’t matter. He’s letting himself blank out again. This time, he dreams.

In his dreams, he’s not a worn out soldier or a victim of a madman. In his dreams, he’s living in peace.

Maybe a little thinking is nice.

[wistfulrat]

a 4-part rec list of my fave drarry fics - the thrillers, dramas, soft bois, and wankbanks getting me through 2020′s shitstorm

[ for my fellow fledgling drarry stans! the drama list is here and, well. like i didn’t initially intend to go off in the mini-reviews beneath every rec but it’s just that you can't nOT yell about drarry as classic literary foils!! also it’s my dumb sideblog so i decided there are no rules and i get to be annoying about good writing.

but rly, the whole premise of the drarry pairing is shaped by this genre and if the ~serious world of serious published writers~ weren’t absolute cowards, they would admit that drama fic authors have contributed more to the genre than the average shit you can find at your local chain bookstore. so that's that on thAT. & if you love a fic here, don't forget to follow the authors, leave kudos & comments on their work, send them nice msgs bc they do all this shit for free xoxo ]

part 2: dramas

mood: for when I need emotional catharsis and maybe 7 hours to sob/brood about loneliness, the cost of love, & the perpetual fear of being truly known

includes: angst, hurt/comfort, reconciliation fics. it’s cruelty o’clock folks and someone is about to say/do something Fucked Up that they can’t take back. but don’t worry!! there will be a Reckoning feat. hamlet-worthy monologues, ugly truths, unbridled rage, trauma, insecurity, and just a fuck ton of tears!! but maybe even tender apologies and mended things.

(Un)wanted by @aibidil​ - 36k - E | Ginny's pregnant, then she's not and Harry's single. Harry, again with no family, doesn't know what to do with this turn of events, or how to find a new life—post-war, post-Ginny, post-abortion—in which he belongs. He doesn't expect that life to include dancing to the Backstreet Boys with Hermione and Draco Malfoy. A story of finding belonging in the unexpected. | --- can a fic be tender and unflinching at the same time? bc this story strikes that balance rly well and for a piece about unwantedness, it is incredibly humanizing. ginny holding her own, draco being gentle but not letting harry play victim, hermione calling harry “hazzah” and just the way this friendship insists on the validity of found families even when harry is spiraling?? and you’re forced to consider that no one has the monopoly on fucked-upness and that doesn’t absolve us of the ways we hurt each other but it means that everyone has the same potential to be better after being broken. goD JUST READ IT, OKAY.

Blood Magic, the series by @houseofhebrideanblacks and @thestralsofspinnersend 335k - E “Later that night. . .Draco wondered at the depths of magic, its breadth and scope. The ways in which life pervades and eludes death, the ways in which they endure all manners of small and large deaths within their lives.” -- if you don't read any other fic on this list, i hope you read this series bc holy shit it’s breathtaking. harry’s a recovering addict, draco’s recovering from abuse, and in a cottage within the forbidden forest begins an unlikely partnership as the boys take up the tedious work of healing. there are thestrals and everyone's in therapy. there are whole chapters of cottagecore drarry. it's a beautiful exploration of how we bare the immensity of loss against the miracles of birth and regrowth. 

Ship of Theseus by GallaPlacidia - 18k - T “A ship in a full sail, a ship in a state of decay, a ship that had been rebuilt, slightly different. A repeating cycle. “What makes the ship the same?” asked Harry. “I don’t know. There must be something in it that lasts across the changes.” -- DO YOU KNOW HOW THIS QUOTE LIVES RENT FREE IN MY SAD, SAD BRAIN. DO YOU KNOW HOW I LOSE SLEEP THINKING ABOUT THE FUCKING SHIP OF THESEUS. it’s a memory loss fic and everything is so unFAIR. you want to murder harry sometimes bc he’s such a shiT and you suffer through the ways he questions desire, penance, redemption, true love. and by the end, you want to believe in those golden slumber lyrics: “once, there was a way to get back home” 

Yours to Keep by @dracoismytrashson​ - 135k - E i love the university setting, i love getting to see harry and draco’s first forays into a real LGBTQ community, the class and race structures outside of the wizarding world. i love that this is the context in which they’re allowed to confront the shittiness of PTSD, anxiety, depression etc. as they come together and fall apart against each other’s traumas. it makes the ending feel earned af. “Baby, we’ve been easing into it for a decade.” -- my god this line

Away Childish Things by @letteredlettered​ - 153k - T  this fic is devastating. like, completely forget whatever reticence you might have towards a de-aging fic and read this. the de-aging premise allows the author to cut through the ways harry and draco hold each other at a distance and you end up with these stunning moments of clarity where they’re truly seeing each other for the first time. and suddenly everything makes sense. i won't spoil it here but there’s a scene towards the end where harry is talking to hermione and ron about realizing the first time he felt what its like to be loved and I fucking SOBBED. an all-time fave fic about learning how to belong.

Had To Be You by @lettersbyelise​​ - 59k - E a genuinely excellent slow burn about absolute fucking morons who refuse to express their mutual love over the course of literal years?? HOW MANY TENDER MEET-CUTES DO 2 GAY IDIOTS EVEN NEED. a car ride a bookshop a street corner -- when harry met sally is my enemy. but you know what? this fic is masterfully written, it’s an epic tale of unexpected friendships and the inability to say the things we feel. also its very much also a soft boi fic if not for the Major Fuck Up that pushes it into drama territory for me. so worth the turmoil tbh.

Hurricane by phrynne - 120k - E auror partners terrified of love. it’s a fic about walls - where the emotional landscape of this fic is occluded by dishonest words so you feel the tension play out in hollow voices, shuttered looks, emptied eyes. it’s like watching two ppl get flayed alive in slow motion and everything is SHIT for a little. it’s mean, it’s ugly, it doesn’t let you give the characters an out when they’re being cruel - to each other and to themselves. but harry and draco are two violent forces hurling toward each other’s walls and the inevitable reckoning comes and it’s so very worth the ending. the hospital bed scene to rule all hospital bed scenes.

Returning Tides by @zigster-ao3​ - E  “Is my timing that flawed? Our respect run so dry? Yet there's still this appeal That we've kept through our lives” --those fuCKing ian curtis lyrics in the summary!! p a i n. why do i put myself through getting-back-together fics knowing full well i’m gonna be Sad As Hell during the not-together portion of the story?? we are all unfortunately hoes for heartache. anyway this fic is beautiful. draco’s a dad and recently widowed, harry has a thestral reserve, the settings here are stunning. a story about grief and love that lingers.

A Piercing Comfort by @talithan - 44k - T “There is no objective scorecard. There isn’t anything that a person does that tips the balance from ‘deserving’ to ‘undeserving’, or vice versa. A ‘deserving’ person will not run out of worthiness after a set time of happiness and have to then go about working to deserve it again. And an ‘undeserving’ person does not have to suffer at length before having the opportunity to be ‘deserving’.” -- the heart of this fic. harry’s in therapy, facing depression, and learning how to accept love he doesn’t think he deserves. (also draco is harry’s therapist but yes, that power dynamic is handled ethically-well imo and addressed in the author notes I promise!!).

Borrowing Courage by @xx-thedarklord-xx​ - 70k - E |After years of being a Magical Artist and painting for other people, Draco decides it’s time to paint for himself for once. The secrets pile up as he tries to unravel the mystery of his relatives but the only thing he didn’t count on was having to go to Potter of all people for approval.| --god i love this fic. the thing about drarry here is that they never mean to hurt each other but they do. they do and draco’s trying to do the right thing and he wants so badly for good family but harry’s never rly stopped grieving sirius and it’s this whole unintended mess of festering wounds forced to heal. everyone needs a hug. also ron/blaise pairing and ron+draco’s friendship here is everything!!

Reparations and the sequel, Foundations by Saras_Girl - 320k - E | Harry is about to discover that the steepest learning curve comes after Healer training, and that second chances can be found in unexpected places.| -- incredible. harry and draco’s dynamic as healers, the cast of original characters, the boys learning what it means to trust each other, draco building a rehabilitation center, harry falling in love with him, and “meus fabula est mei ut dico: my story is mine to tell.”  i cry

The Ties that Bind by phoenix_writing (not on ao3) - 61k - T | Upon Andromeda’s death, Harry and Draco are given custody of Teddy. Their lives will never be the same.| -- harry’s got major abandonment issues and he’s just trying to be a good co-parent with draco but everyone is being the woRST and you want to murder them on behalf of harry. but then, the boys learn to listen to each other and god it all becomes so tender. also harry has a gay panic. things are awful but it all works out. -

[part 1: thrillers | part 2: dramas | part 3: soft bois | part 4: wankbanks]