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imaginespazzi · 1 month

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Part 7: In All My Victories

Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 8 - Part 9

Somebody said you got a new friend (But does she love you better than I can?)

(In which a writer in an EST timezone uses the PST timezone to announce that technically she's still meeting the deadline)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Angst, Fluff, Jealousy

Words: 6.5K

TW: Swearing, Toxic Relationships

A/N: Hello my lovelies! Listen it's past midnight here but it's only around 9 pm in California which is where most of this fic is set so TECHNICALLY I am still meeting my deadline. This chapter is kind of a filler (and I guess that's why I don't love it) because it was gonna be about ~3K longer with another scene but it was either a longer chapter or a Monday chapter and I feel like y'all would prefer a Monday chapter. I have not edited this yet because I simply just don't have the energy to so pretty please point out my errors as you read so I can use them when I edit some time tomorrow. There's probably other stuff I need to say but I'm feeling oddly delirious right now so I'll just end with the usual. Let me know what you liked, what you disliked and what you'd like to see next. Have a lovely rest of your week my loves <3

March 2033

Paige wakes up to a stream of sunlight tapping at her eyelids and someone’s soft breath tickling against her nose. She can feel a tiny hand pressed against her chest -right above her heart- and the weight of another person’s fingers intertwined against her own. The room is silent with the exception of the clock ticking on the wall and the perfectly harmonized breathing of the other people in the room. Stephie and Azzi. And Paige is scared to open her eyes, scared to move even an inch, scared that if she does either of those things, her dreamlike reality will prove to be nothing but a hopeless mirage.

It had taken Paige a moment last night to really register what was happening around her. Dazedly, she had followed Azzi up the stairs into the guest room. She’d watched, albeit unhelpfully, as Azzi had searched out extra pillows, setting up the queen-sized bed so it could fit three people instead of it’s regular duo. It hadn’t sunk in even as Paige had slowly gotten herself ready for bed, finding herself in one of Azzi’s old oversized t-shirts suddenly overwhelmed with how much she’d missed falling asleep embraced in the scent of the younger woman’s favorite lavender and eucalyptus deodorant. Even as she’d made her way back from the bathroom and found Stephie beaming at her from where she was curled into Azzi’s side on bed, Paige still felt like she was simply just watching everything from a facetime call, like she had been while back in Dallas. It wasn’t until Stephie’s bedtime story was finished and the lights were turned off, when Azzi’s hand finally captured hers underneath the comforter and squeezed gently, that it finally clicked for Paige.

Azzi had asked her to stay over.

Azzi had promised she wouldn’t run away.

And as Paige finally lets eyes flutter open, blinking to adjust to the light, she breathes out a sigh of relief at the sight of a promise kept.

Propping herself onto her elbow, she lets herself take in the view of the two people still sound asleep next to her. Paige isn’t a morning person by any means -rarely is she the first person to wake up- but she thinks if this was what she could open her eyes to every time, getting up could become her favorite part of the day.

It’s uncanny how similar Azzi and Stephie are while sleeping. The little girl’s grip on Paige’s shirt is almost as strong as the tight hold her mother has on Paige’s hand. It’s like they’re trying to reel Paige into their world and keep her there forever, like even if she let go, they wouldn’t let her. There’s an air of contentedness on Azzi’s face as she snuggles closer to her daughter and Stephie has a soft smile at being cocooned in the protection of her mother’s arms. And Paige’s whole body aches a little bit because this bed they’re on is definitely not made for three people, but it’s nothing in comparison to the way her heart feels like it might burst from this feeling of and maybe this is how i become whole again.

She presses a kiss against Stephie’s forehead and rubs her thumb against the back of Azzi’s hand before carefully detaching herself from the duo and slipping out of bed. The whole house is still clearly asleep as Paige lethargically brushes and then begins to make her way down the stairs. Her eyes gloss over the pictures placed across the stairwell until they fixate on one that has her in it. It’s an image taken after one of many water fights they’d had at the Fudd household during a hot summer day. Life had been so simple back then when it was water and not bullets that they shot at each other.

Five drenched children are beaming at the camera. Jon and José are posed in some ridiculous stance, their water guns pointed at the camera. Paige, par for the course, is flexing, a far too cocky smirk dancing on her lips because she’d probably won the game (even if nobody else agreed). And then there’s Drew and Azzi. There’s a familiar pang in Paige’s chest as she brushes her fingers over her little brother’s exuberant smile. He’s latched onto the brunette’s back, a blue water balloon in his hand, as Azzi uses one hand on his hip to keep Drew in place and uses her other one to hold a pink water balloon of her own. The Fudds -Azzi- had been as big of a constant in Drew’s life as they had been in Paige’s and she wonders now, as she thinks back to her little brother’s irritation with her joining the Valkyries, if he’d ever forgive her and Azzi for taking that away from him.

“Oh hey good morning,” Tallulah says as Paige lets herself into the kitchen, blanching slightly at the sight of the other woman.

“Good morning,” Paige greets, pouring herself a glass of water as she takes a seat at the island, “guessing you’re making pancakes?”

Tallulah nods with a grin, “Stephie’s orders you know.”

“Ah of course,” Paige laughs, “can’t defy the queen.”

She watches as Tallulah prances around the hardwood floor, grabbing bowls and ingredients, like it’s her kitchen and Paige can’t help the twinge of envy that blooms in her bloodstream. It used to be her. She used to know the Fudd’s kitchen -the whole house- like the back of her hand because really, like Katie always said, it was her home too. But she doesn’t quite know this place, couldn’t tell you where to find the sugar or where the utensils were kept and that stings more than she’d expected. It spirals Paige into the thought that she wouldn’t know any of those things at Azzi’s own house either. And suddenly she’s struck by the reminder that two people who’d once promised to build a world together, had spent the last couple of years, building two separate ones instead.

“Hey,” Tallulah breaks Paige out of her trance, “you good.”

Paige musters up a smile, “yeah- yeah of course. Just- just thinking a lotta things I guess.”

“They’ve all missed you, you know,” Tallulah says softly, “they try not to do it too much around Azzi but it’s always ‘oh Paige would’ve loved this’ or ‘did you catch that bucket Paige made last night’. And whenever the Wings were playing here, it was a no-brainer that they would go.”

“Yeah?” tears prickle against the blonde’s waterline.

“Yeah,” Tallulah confirms, “Tim lowkey lost his mind before you got here last night. Poor man was running all over the place making sure things were good. Katie thought it was pretty hilarious.”

Paige lets out a watery laugh, “that sounds like them-”

“Miss Buecks,” a tiny voice interrupts her before she can say anything and Paige whirls around to see a teary-eyed Stephie looking at her from the last step of the staircase, her bottom lip trembling and panic courses into Paige’s bloodstream

“Stephie,” she practically trips over herself as she rushes to fold the little girl into her arms, “sweetheart what’s wrong?”

Stephie nestles herself into the blonde’s neck, mumbling something incoherent as she holds Paige impossibly tight.

“Stephie,” Paige whispers frantically, concern dripping from her voice, “tell Miss Buecks what’s wrong please. I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me sweetheart.”

“Thought you left,” Stephie confesses finally, keeping her head burrowed against Paige’s shoulder, “you weren’t next to me when I woke up. Got scared.”

“Oh honey,” Paige whispers, as she gently coaxes the little girl’s head out from the crook of her neck so she can cup her face, “I’m right here. I wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye.”

Stephie’s quiet for a second, hiccoughing to herself as she searches for something on Paige’s face before she holds out a pinky, “promise you’ll never leave?”

Paige hesitates, the words sitting heavy on the tip of her tongue. It’s not that she doesn’t want to but Paige has learned first-hand about the fragility of the future, about how true the cliché about time changing in the blink of an eye can be. Because the truth is that it’s not just Azzi who’s scared. Paige is terrified. She’d drowned in this ocean once before and as she tries to swim in it again, she can’t quite find it in herself to shed her life-jacket by making an oath that she can’t guarantee to protect from the dangerous tides of circumstance.

And so she hopes it’s enough for Stephie as she caresses the little girl’s cheeks and says, “I promise I’ll try to stay.”

“Okay,” Stephie says softly and Paige lets out a sigh of relief, “I trust you Miss Buecks.”

Paige smiles, giving the little girl a kiss on the cheek before hoisting her up onto her lap, “did you wake your Mama up?”

“No. She’s still snoring,” Stephie giggles.

Paige laughs, tucking that little tidbit away to tease Azzi with later, “how about you and I go get your Mama her favorite coffee?”

“Oh that’s nice,” Tallulah chirps from where she’s still standing in the kitchen, “go get coffee of course. Why would anyone stay here and help me?”

“Go ask uncle José,” Stephie shoots the younger woman an unamused look, “isn’t that what husbands are for?”

Paige stifles a grin as Tallulah narrows her eyes, waving her whisk menacingly at Stephie, “he’s not my husband yet and you watch it missy or maybe I won’t let you be a flower girl at the wedding.”

“Your wedding would be boring without me,” Stephie scoffs, “besides Aunty Tully, we’ll get you a drink too. Uncle José always says you drink vod-ka, too much of it app-ently, but I don’t know what that is,” she turns to Paige who’s gone bright red in attempt to stop herself from keeling over with laughter, “can we get vod-ka for Aunty Tully?”

Paige tries her best to compose herself, “maybe we’ll just get her a latte and save the vodka for later huh Tulls?”

Tallulah glares at her, flipping her off when Stephie’s gaze shifts towards the door, “just go get the coffee Bueckers.”

***

Not that she didn’t know it before, but Paige quickly realizes just how similar Stephie is to her mother while they’re standing in front of the bakery portion of the coffeeshop and it’s been ten minutes and Stephie still hasn’t decided which sweet treat she’d like.

“Stephie sweetheart,” Paige says, only slightly impatient, “how about the double fudge brownie?”

“That sounds good,” Stephie says excitedly and then her eyes dart towards the cinnamon bun in the corner, “or maybe the ninnamon bun- no wait- Aunty Tully’s gonna put ninnamon in the pancakes so maybe something else. Ooooh maybe a cookie but which one?”

Paige groans to herself as Stephie busies herself looking at the assortment of freshly baked cookies. The old woman over the counter, wearing a name tag saying Ruthie, shares a commiserating smile with her.

“My daughter was like that too at that age. Couldn’t make a decision to save her life,” Ruthie says, a fond look in her eyes while talking about her child.

Paige smiles, “did she ever grow out of it?”

“Well considering we went out to dinner last night and she couldn’t pick between the pepperoni and the sausage, I don’t think they really grow out of it,” Ruthie winks and Paige can’t help but think about Azzi and the way she’d struggled to pick out what to wear to bed last night, staring helplessly between two shirts that practically looked the same.

“Oh I know that look,” Ruthie says, eyes twinkling at the hopeless smile on Paige’s face, as she tilts her head towards Stephie, “you’re thinking about her mother huh?”

“That obvious?” Paige blushes.

Ruthie shrugs, “what is love if it can’t be seen by everyone?”

Love. The word seeps into Paige’s veins, traveling up her bloodstreams until it claws its way into her heart, settling against her ribcage like a rock so that when she breathes, it’s all she can feel. It’s too soon, she knows, and it defeats the purpose of going slow except- it’s not soon at all. Because this isn’t a new feeling, it’s a far too familiar old one that she’d buried as deep within her as possible but is now yearning to get out. It had never gone away, simply lingered in the back of her mind just waiting for this moment. And if she’s honest with herself, Paige doesn’t know if she should fight against it or let herself ride the waves of the before that are desperate to crash against the shore of now.

“Miss Buecks,” Stephie whines, “come help me choose.”

Shooting Ruthie an apologetic look and ignoring the pit in her stomach at the elder woman’s words, Paige walks over and bends down to the little girl’s height, “how about a chocolate chip cookie?”

“Boooooring,” Stephie crinkles her nose.

“Peanut butter?”

“I’m ‘lergic to nuts Miss Buecks,” Stephie says matter-of-factly and Paige pencils that important fact into her mind’s ever growing list of all about Stephie.

“Salted caramel crunch?”

“That sounds good,” Stephie nods, “yeah I’ll get that,” she says as she turns to Ruthie, “could I get a salted car-mel crunch cookie please?” but Paige doesn’t miss the wistful look she sends towards the rest of the cookies.

“Stephie?”

“Yes?”

“Do you want me to get you one of each?”

And she’s absolutely going to get a disapproving glare from Azzi when she shows back up at the Fudd’s with almost a dozen cookies in hand but it’s worth it for the way Stephie immediately latches onto her thigh, a dazzling smile lighting up her whole face.

“You’re best-est-est-est Miss Buecks,” Stephie squeals, staring up at Paige with delight.

“I know,” Paige smirks, “and you better protect me from your Mama when we get back.”

Stephie nods very seriously, “of course Miss Buecks. I’ll protect you with my life.”

Paige ruffles the younger girl's hair before turning to Ruthie who’s grinning at her, “one of every flavor of cookie you have please. Except anything that has nuts.”

“Coming right up,” Ruthie winks at Paige, “your daughter has you wrapped around her little finger huh?”

And maybe Paige should at least attempt to correct the misconception but as Stephie clings to her just a little bit tighter, she can’t find it in herself to say anything but, “yeah, yeah she does.”

***

“Next time you kidnap my daughter, can you at least send me a text?” Azzi says, a grin on her lips as she opens the door to let Paige and Stephie enter back into the Fudd household.

“Good morning Mama,” Stephie says happily, launching herself into her mother’s arms and placing a sloppy kiss against her cheek.

“Morning sunshine,” Azzi laughs, “you seem giddy this morning.”

“Miss Buecks bought me six-teen cookies and she let me eat two of them while we were dri-” Stephie pauses mid ramble, eyes widening as she dramatically slaps a hand over her mouth.

Paige groans as a glare overtakes Azzi’s previously smiling features, “Steph what happened to protecting me?”

“It was an aksy-dent Miss Buecks I’m sorry,” Stephie whimpers, hurriedly cupping her mother’s face, “please don’t be angry at Miss Buecks, Mama. It was my idea.”

Azzi rolls her eyes, “I bet it was. But if you already had two cookies, you must be full? I guess that means no pancakes for you-”

“Miss Buecks forced me to eat the cookies,” Stephie cuts her off and Paige gasps at the betrayal, “not full at all Mama because you can’t get full unless you like what you eat and I didn’t like those cookies at all. So I neeeeeeed pancakes.”

“Traitor,” Paige hisses at the little girl who shrugs sheepishly.

Stephie shoots her an apologetic smile as Azzi hides a grin against her daughter’s hair, “I’m sorry Miss Buecks but I really, really want pancakes. I’ll die if I don’t get pancakes.”

“Okay drama queen,” Azzi chides fondly as she puts Stephie back on the ground, “go get your pancakes,” and then she rounds onto Paige with a patented glare.

“I got you an iced vanilla latte with extra whipped cream,” Paige says before the younger woman can say anything, practically shoving the cold drink into her hand.

“Sixteen cookies? Paige seriously?” Azzi asks, eyebrows raised as she sips at her coffee.

“You didn’t see her Az,” Paige defends, “she looked so sad when she couldn’t decide.”

“Just because she looks sad doesn’t mean you buy her every single cookie to make her happy,” Azzi shakes her head exasperatedly.

“I’d buy her the whole shop if that’s what would make her happy,” Paige says, sincerity weaved throughout every word of the sentence.

“You would, wouldn’t you?” Azzi says softly, a hint of awe in her voice, “you’re kind of a sap Paige Bueckers.”

“Only for you and your daughter Azzi Fudd,” Paige whispers, leaning her head against the younger woman’s temple, “only for the two of you.”

They stand there like that, barely touching beyond their foreheads, yet basking in a certain kind of intimacy that they’ve only ever found with each other. The thing is, Paige’s senses are always heightened, every part of her always alert of what’s going around her. Except when she’s with Azzi. When she’s with Azzi she can let the noise fade to the background and let everything else become a blur and simply just be with Azzi. When she’s with Azzi, she doesn’t have to worry; doesn’t have to have her sword out ready for battle because she knows the younger girl will always be her shield. When she’s with Azzi, Paige is safe.

They’re shaken from their reverie by a cough in the background and Paige reluctantly looks over her shoulder to see Jana regarding them with an amused look.

“Guess I missed a couple of chapters?”

“Shut up,” Paige grinds out, annoyed as Azzi moves out of her space, “what are you doing here so early El-Alfy?”

“I’m here for breakfast because I’m basically an honorary Fudd,” Jana throws her head back before yelling, “RIGHT KATIE?’

“Right Jana,” comes the muffled confirmation from the kitchen as Jana smirks at Paige.

“The better question Bueckers,” the Egyptian prods with a smirk, “is what are you doing here so early?”

“I slept ov-” Paige bites her tongue but it’s too late as Jana’s grin gets wider and next to her, Azzi lets her head drop into her hands.

“You slept over? In which room?” Jana asks innocently.

And of course Stephie chooses exactly that moment to catch wind of the conversation, yelling from the kitchen, “she slept with me and Mama, Aunty J.”

“Thank you for telling me Stephie,” Jana’s eyes twinkle with mirth as she pulls out her phone, “oh I’m about to make some money- hey!”

Azzi snatches the phone out of her younger teammate’s hand, a sweet smile playing on her lips as she starts walking towards the kitchen, “no phones at breakfast thank you!”

“That’s not fair,” Jana whines sauntering after the GSV shooting guard, Paige snickering as she follows the two of them into the kitchen.

“Life’s not fair. Deal with it,” Azzi glares before slipping Jana’s phone into her own pocket, “you can have it back before you leave.”

“Y’all are so mean,” Jana sulks, pouting harder when she reaches out to grab a pancake and immediately has her hand whacked by Tim.

“That one’s for Paige,” the older man warns sternly and Paige sticks her tongue out at her teammate as she grabs the pancake onto her place.

“WHAT?” Jana guffaws, “what’s so special about it?”

Tim shrugs, “absolutely nothing. Just thought it would be funny to see you annoyed.”

“Y’all are the worst adoptive family a player could have you know that?” Jana scolds, pressing her fists to her cheeks like she’s barely older than Stephie, “and to think I was gonna invite the two of you,” she glares at Paige and Azzi, “to a party.”

“Party? Can I come?” Stephie asks excitedly.

“Unfortunately this one’s just for adults kiddo. And it’s not really a party,” Jana explains, “me and Joyce thought it would be nice to do a little team-bonding, especially for you P. Drinks at the bar next weekend?”

“Sounds good,” Paige confirms, “we’ll be there!”

“Oh it’s ‘we’ now is it?” Jana teases, “you guys gonna come together?”

“No,” Azzi says at the same time as a profound “yes” leaves Paige’s mouth. The two of them stare at each other with questioning looks and Paige feels a heavy pit settling in her stomach. Rationally, she knows Azzi’s probably right. No part of going slow includes going to a party with their teammates together, especially not when they’re trying to keep whatever it is they’re doing on the down low. But there’s something about being a secret again, that raises a bitter taste of what killed us then could kill us now in her mouth.

“Awkward,” Jon whistles slowly, only to be met with a simultaneous slap on the back of his head from both his mother and Tallulah.

“I mean- I would have to drop Stephie off here- or umm- at Colleen's so like- logically- practically- uh- it um- it wouldn’t make sense for us to go together,” Azzi says and Paige has to refrain herself from calling it a bullshit explanation.

Instead she gives the younger girl a tight-lipped nod, “right yeah-wouldn’t make sense for us to go together. Obviously,” gritting her teeth and desperate to change the topic, she turns to Jana, “will the whole team be there?”

“A couple of them aren’t currently in the Bay but yeah most of them,” Jana shrugs.

“Oh,” Stephie claps excitedly, “will Aunty Chérie be there? Is she back yet?”

Paige narrows her eyes as both Jana and Azzi exchange looks, “who’s Aunty Chérie?”

“Aunty Chérie’s the best,” Stephie gushes, “she’s really nice and pretty and she calls me ‘mon chérie’,” the little girl does her best attempt at a vaguely french accent and realization starts to claw at Paige’s mind, “so I call her Aunty Chérie. She’s Mama’s best friend on the team.”

Paige tries and fails not to grimace at the sentence; the idea of anyone else being Azzi’s best friend feels like nails being screwed into her skin.

“I’m your Mama’s best friend on the team,” Jana butts in, trying to rescue Azzi from the hole her daughter’s about to dig her into, glancing worriedly between the two former huskies who are doing their best not to look at each other.

“If you say so Aunty J,” Stephie concedes, “but you didn’t answer my question. Is Aunty Chérie back?”

“Yeah she- um Clémence I mean- is coming back for a little bit next week so um-” Jana swallows, clearly not having thought the uncomfortableness of the situation through, “yeah she’ll uh- she’ll probably be there.”

Stephie lets out a whoop of excitement and Paige feels it burn a hole in her stomach. She knows she has no right to be upset at the idea of Stephie being as enamored by another one of Azzi’s teammates but something about it makes her feel queasy inside. Because Clémence Martens isn’t just a teammate. Paige doesn’t know the exact history there; she’d never had the right to ask about it but she’s seen the way Clémence looks at Azzi and she knows she doesn’t like it one bit.

“I thought Clémence was being traded to Atlanta?” Paige keeps her voice low as she leans into Jana. She’s not sure if Stephie knows the news yet and despite the jealousy that’s blooming in every crevice of her body, she doesn’t want to hurt the little girl by accidentally announcing it to her, “why’s she coming?”

Jana sighs, “Joyce invited her cause she was gonna be in town. You know they don’t know about-” the taller woman gestures between Paige and Azzi, “-all of this so. It’s just for one night Paige.”

“Right,” Paige nods, eyes locking with Azzi’s across the table as the younger woman fidgets with the ‘S’ necklace around her neck and shoots Paige a timid attempt at a reassuring smile, “just one night.”

***

August 2028

USA 68 France 64

The entire arena is abuzz for the final 20 seconds of a grueling semi-final match between the storied USA Women’s Basketball team trying to keep their dynasty alive and a vindictive French team eager to avenge their last heartbreaking Olympic loss. France has possession of the ball, shot clock turned off, and Paige has been tasked with guarding Clémence Martens. The woman in front of her, a bench player for the Golden State Valkyries, had never seemed like much of a threat to Paige when they’d met during the W season, but seemed to have become a whole other beast when representing her nation. Clémence is currently leading the French team in assists and is only behind Gabby William in points. Paige keeps herself glued to the woman as she tries to get herself free for the inbound.

The inbounder realizes after a couple of seconds that the French coach’s advice to get Clémence the ball wouldn’t be possible and instead the ball ends up in the hands of Iliana Rupert instead. As gameplay resumes, Paige does exactly as she’s supposed to and she can tell that she’s getting under the French woman’s skin as Clémence curses to herself in her native language. Paige bites back a smirk, secretly pleased at having riled her competitor up. The ball continues to pass around the French players, time ticking away, but the USA’s defense doesn’t allow a good shot until Gabby throws up a miraculous jumper with a second left on the shot clock.

And of course, in a way that’s perhaps too reminiscent of how France had lost in 2024, it goes in.

But it’s not enough and Paige feels blood rush to her ears as the entire arena, decked out in red white and blue, roars with triumph, celebrating the world's greatest team returning back to the finals stage. There’s still one more game but this win is special. They’d been down by 11 points at the half and Paige could almost picture the headlines ready to write themselves about the streaks that could be broken if they lost. But she was no stranger to the pressure that came from playing for a team with a deep history and it had been her and Stewie, partially motivated by their former college head coach frowning at them from the sidelines, that had spear-headed a 23-3 run at the beginning of the 3rd quarter. The USA women’s team hadn’t looked back since and now they were one more step away being golden again.

“You did it,” Olivia screams, running into Paige’s arms as friends and family start to gather on the court, “I’m so proud of you!”

“Thanks Olivia-” Paige is about to say more when the familiar back of someone’s head catches her attention and, like they always seem to when she’s around, all the words die on the tip of her tongue.

Azzi.

Paige could’ve sworn she’d seen the woman in the crowd at some point but she’d chalked it up to a trick of the light manipulating her eyes into seeing what her heart desperately wanted. But as she watches the woman she’d once imagined celebrating all of her victories with, slowly brush away the tears of someone else’s loss, Paige can’t help but wish that it had been a trick of the light after all. She feels suffocated and she can’t tell if it’s from how tight Olivia’s holding her or if it’s because Clémence is burying her head into the space between Azzi’s neck and shoulder, a space that Paige used to mark as hers. And then Azzi looks above Clémence’s shoulder. Dark brown eyes shimmer with unshed tears as they lock onto watery sky blue ones. They’re standing in other people’s arms and they really should look away but how can they when looking into each other’s eyes feels a little bit like finally coming up for air. And Paige realizes that what she’s really being suffocated by is the regret of you’re supposed to be holding me and i’m supposed to be holding you; it was meant to be us.

Azzi lets go of Clémence first, soothingly rubbing the francophone’s back as she makes her way over to congratulate the USA team, starting with Cam and Aliyah. Paige pulls away from Olivia, oblivious to the way annoyance flits across her wife’s features as she catches sight of Azzi. No one but the blonde notices how hesitant Azzi’s steps are, how she carefully pauses a little longer than necessary with everyone else until she finally reaches Paige, managing to give her a small but sincere smile. Olivia wraps a possessive hand around Paige’s bicep and the blonde fights the urge to shake it off when she notices Azzi’s eyes flickering to it for a brief second before coming back up to her face.

“Congratulations Paige,” the formality in Azzi’s voice feels like acid pelting against Paige’s skin, “you were really good tonight.”

“Thank you,” Paige smiles politely, “it was pretty stressful there for a second but I’m glad we got the dub. But it um-” she hesitates, unsure if she should say the next part, “it would’ve been nice if you were out there with me- with us I mean. We could’ve used your shooting.”

“Maybe next time,” Azzi gives her a half-grin.

“Oh I don’t know about that,” Olivia says airily, sharp nails digging a little too roughly into Paige’s skin as her grip tightens further, “there’s plenty of talent up and coming in the next 4 years.”

This is a side of Olivia that Paige is only just beginning to unveil, the side of Olivia that makes snide bitchy comments with a saccharine voice. And Paige really should let it go at this moment, make a mental note to speak with her wife about it later instead of jumping in. But she can see the insecurities brimming in Azzi’s eyes and the words tumble out before Paige can stop them.

“Yeah but no one better than Azzi.”

Olivia stiffens, “right unless she’s injured or pregnant or something. You’re prone to those right?”

“Olivia,” Paige hisses.

“I didn’t mean it offensively,” Olivia feigns innocence and a bitter mix of irritation and anger coils itself around Paige’s ribcage, “just something to think about.”

Azzi’s quiet for a second before a sugary smile, laced with poison, inches itself onto her face, “I’ve only been pregnant once and I haven’t been injured since college which I would expect someone in sports media to know but,” the brunette’s eyes flash dangerously, “I suppose that’s something someone with national media credentials would know, not just a mere local beat writer for Dallas’s fifth most read newspaper,” Azzi turns to Paige, sarcasm morphing into something far more genuine, “congratulations again. I’m really happy for you Paige.”

***

The Reynolds-Bueckers hotel room is a pathetic hot mess that night. Olivia’s livid at Paige and Paige is livid at the stupid #Clézzi tag on tiktok. She’s no stranger to fan edits and she’s definitely no stranger to ship edits and so when the first tiktok appears on her for you page, she knows better than to click on it. She knows better but she does it anyway. And suddenly she finds herself sucked into montage after montage of so-called moments between Clémence and Azzi that fans had noticed and documented. The clips are bad enough themselves but it’s the captions, bold declarations of look at the way she looks at her; no one can love azzi the way clémence loves her, that really piss her off. Clémence might look at Azzi like she’s made of stars but Paige knows that she looks at Azzi like she is the moon, Paige’s moon. As Olivia’s anger bounces off the walls, her rant about disrespect starts to mesh with the audio of the edits that continue to play on the blonde’s phone and Paige wonders if this her God-designed personal hell.

“Are you even fucking listening to me Paige?” Olivia yells, forcing Paige to look up at her wife.

“What do you want me to say Olivia?” Paige asks tiredly.

“What do I want you to say? Well nothing now Paige. She said all of that shit to me and you were silent then so I’m not expecting you to say anything of meaning now either.”

“You’re the one who poked her first-”

“Jesus fucking christ,” Olivia laughs maniacally, “you’re really gonna do this?”

“I’m not doing anything,” Paige protests.

“You’re defending her,” Olivia yells, “you’re my wife and you’re defending her. You’re defending your ex. Can you seriously not see what’s wrong with this picture.”

“Olivia,” Paige sighs, eyes gazing down at her phone where another fuckass Clézzi edit has started to play and she rapidly scrolls past it, “it’s been a long day and I just wanna go to bed. I have practice tomorrow and the gold medal game-”

“Right fucking basketball. Again,” Olivia rolls her eyes.

“What-”

“It’s fine,” Olivia pinches the bridge of her nose, the fight draining from her voice, “you’re right go to bed. I’m not- I’m not feeling great so I’ll sleep out here tonight. Wouldn’t- wouldn’t want you to get sick before the gold medal game.”

“Olivia,” Paige says half-heartedly, taking a timid step towards the woman in front of her.

“It’s fine,” Olivia says, “just- just go to bed Paige.”

Paige knows that the last thing she should do is actually listen to her wife. And she knows that if it was Azzi -she hates herself for even thinking this way- she wouldn’t walk away. If it was Azzi, Paige would’ve pulled her into her arms, held her there and made her talk because they both hated going to bed angry. But well if it was Azzi, this whole situation wouldn’t exist in the first place.

And so she ends up in bed alone, still scrolling through random tiktoks in an effort to not have to deal with all the voices in her head, until suddenly she stumbles on a video captioned and at the end of the day she’ll still always be looking at her. It’s a video taken today. Paige is holding Olivia and Azzi’s holding Clémence but they’re staring at each other. And Paige thinks that whoever wrote the caption, had probably gotten it right. At the end of day, she’ll always look for Azzi. She just doesn’t know if she’ll find her ever again.

***

USA 102 Australia 73

Paige can already taste the feeling of a gold medal around her neck as she takes a seat, the crowd roaring with applause as Coach Lawson empties her bench. There’s only fifteen seconds left in the game and her knees are bouncing in anticipation, ready to celebrate a moment she’s been dreaming of for god knows how long. Paige scans the crowd, not even pretending to look for anyone but Azzi and she can’t help the smile that erupts on her face when she spots the brunette with her fingers crossed, a brilliant grin directed in Paige’s direction as she mouths i’m so proud of you.

Olivia isn’t here, claiming she was too sick to come tonight. Paige thinks she probably should be more upset about that. She thinks the whole thing is probably a ruse that Olivia had concocted to get Paige to beg her to come, to get Paige to show her that she wanted her wife there. The other woman's face had fallen when Paige hadn’t really reacted to the announcement, simply pressed her lips to her forehead and mumbled a feeble hope you feel better before leaving. Paige thinks this is probably the first sign they're falling apart. She thinks she should probably care about that a little bit more too.

But the first thing her eyes had landed on once she’d entered the court, was Azzi’s face in the lower bowl and everything else had ceased to exist. Her first petty thought had been a ha! fuck you to the damned Clézzi shippers who claimed Azzi wouldn’t show up today, too busy consoling Clémence. They didn't know Azzi was all-american. Her second thought, the one that felt like a warm blanket being wrapped around her soul, was that of course Azzi’s here. Because Azzi had been there every time Paige achieved a milestone and even if they were barely a shadow of what they used to be, it's only right that Azzi is still here.

Australia doesn’t even bother taking a shot, bowing out gracefully and the buzzer rings.

The entire arena bursts into confetti and music as the USA Women’s Basketball Team clinches yet another Olympic Gold Medal.

Paige doesn’t know who she’s hugging, lost in a sea of red uniforms as she feels herself floating through her teammates. They end up in a huddle, screaming and she can barely make out who’s saying what but it doesn’t matter. The chaos has never felt so fucking cathartic.

As everyone else disperses to find their families, Paige’s eyes land where they always seem to: on Azzi. And maybe she shouldn’t do it, maybe she should think again but fuck it Paige Bueckers is an olympic gold medalist and she’s going to share this moment with the first person she’d ever won a medal for this country with. Her legs move of their own accord, walking and then running and she breathes out a sigh of relief when she realizes that Azzi’s moving towards her too.

“You did it. Oh my god Paige you did it,” Azzi squeals as they crash into each other in the middle of the court, her arms instinctively going around Paige’s neck as the blonds wraps her hands around Azzi’s waist, “I’m so fucking proud of you. I knew you could do it Paige.”

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Paige breathes out, “I just- it wouldn’t be the same winning without you.”

Azzi’s eyes soften, “I came for you. I don’t know if I’m allowed to say that but- I’m here for you.”

“Good don't want you to be here for anybody else,” Paige tightens her hold on the younger woman’s waist, “we’re gonna do it together next time okay. You and me, we’re gonna be golden together.”

And they both know that they’re saying words they shouldn’t say. That when they break apart from this moment, they’ll have to walk away. But for now, being in each other’s arms is the only thing that feels right, that feels golden.

#pazzi #paige bueckers #azzi fudd #wcbb

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cowgirlcherrie · 1 year

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STARTEAM ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ volleyball! loser! ellie drabble

a/n: there is no plot for this it’s just a thought I haven’t been able to shake since seeing the amazing volleyball! ellie art by @caspervi ♡♡

volleyball! ellie art. support their work here!

update: also just realized @elliespeach has a wonderful volleyball! ellie fic and basically kickstarted the idea so support their work here too !!

content: 18+ MDNI, sexual themes, lowk saliva play if u squint bro, fem! water girl! reader

— song(s): STARTEAM by lastclass & byelilfly

Ellie was in timeout.

Well not literally, but being benched felt like she was. Suddenly she was 5 again and her teacher was moving her card to red, for her indecent behavior. Ellie wanted to whine, she wanted to fight back – bitch and moan. She had been putting in the work! Up in the gymnasium at the crevice of the glowing somber night to practice her bumping and setting; perfecting her spikes and it seemed as if she would never get to reach tranquility. She couldn’t be an ace, she couldn’t beat her opponents.

She was drenched in sweat head-to-toe — the fabric of her jersey sticking to her chest like glue. Beads of fresh sweat dripped down her forehead as she licked her dehydrated lips. She needed to breathe. But Ellie didn’t know breath control. She didn’t know stopping either, her routine was damaged, she was jaded and her brain was fuzzy the plays didn’t even make sense to her. Her brain was insanely flawed. Nothing but incoherent doodles as her coach yelled in her face to take 5.

All she knew was routine:

Wake up at 5 am. Go for a run at 7 am. Nutritious breakfast at 9 am. Practice 10-4 pm. A quick nap and muscle soak before a game.

All her hard work burned into ashes; eventually to dust and crumbs as it became nothing but a false sense of dedication. Sleepless nights and aching muscles just to be benched. Ellie was incandescent. Her eyebrows furrowed, cheeks a pulsing red – like clown makeup from the intensity. Her blood cells flowed healthily and her heartbeat was in the root of her ears like the pulsing of the music that kept her going. While some may say a body is a temple; her’s was a ticking time bomb ready to go off in any second.

Ellie couldn’t keep her eyes open, the sound of sneakers against the freshly polished floors made her eardrums bleed, similar to scraping a metal ruler against a school board.

Dropping her head as she looked down at her legs. Her thighs were drenched in sweat the shin guards cutting off any circulation, making her thighs look wonderfully plump and 10x more muscular. Ellie was becoming hyper-aware until a sudden tap on her back and a sweet toothache-inducing smell filled her nostrils.

It was you.

The water girl, her hero. Just the right person to fix her cravings. A thin white ridged paper cup in your hand with water filled to the brim as you held it out in front of you with a gentle smile. Ellie always thought your sweetness was ravishing. She thought her teammates were undeserving of such pleasure and authenticity from you. The other girls would dim your light – and by dimming it she meant flirting with you. Calling you sweetheart and asking to take you out to dinner which was followed by your rich voice telling them, “It’s unprofessional!” but she was too bashful to admit it; she wanted to do it too.

The word baby could not escape her lips without being immediately flustered by it, Ellie was too smitten and starstruck by you. Quiet and lightly spoken, hell she was called ‘Bitchless 7 Williams’ for a reason. Stuttering over her words, hands shakier than ever, her affection becoming aggression she wanted nothing more than to drag herself out. She wishes she could be more flirty, more outspoken; then just maybe she would have been lucky to snag you, her water girl.

You knew she could get down, she palpably could get rough with the right motivation. It was the way her anger transcended on the court, you were sure it would manifest in other places too. But part of you loved it, it turned you on, when you were alone at night, entangled in your duvet as you wondered what she would look like calling out your name. She was a fucking loser, a pathetic whiney player that still took the fall.

Initially, you thought you were sweeter; more gentle but Ellie was more bashful than you. She wasn’t like her teammates. Ellie didn’t make eye contact with you at all or call you names. She did, however, stare at your boobs for too long through your tightly fitting workout jacket that hugged every crevice of your body just right. Giving your boobs an extra push. It was perverted, but you caught her every time. Coincidentally that’s what got you hooked on her. You weren’t going to stop her.

Like a hound dog you could smell what she wanted, you never failed to see the drool finally dripping from her tongue that she masked by bringing up her cup with great speed as the stretchy saliva dripped down the edge of her fingers and her cup. You did notice how she would leave a sticky residue; her clear fluids all over the cup before handing it back to you. Running off right before you can get a word in.

“Hope you’re thirsty It took me hooours to pour this” you teased, holding out the cup towards Ellie with a smile. That soft grin of yours that easily made anyone swoon on you. Ellie caught herself doing it again. In a room with so many people, her team, friends, and family, she sent a quick look at your boobs before looking back at the sparkles in your eyes. Like diamonds and pearls; vibrant and warm. Lewd thoughts raced in her brain like gnats.

She was giving you teeth, as she took her shirt up; again, to wipe her forehead clear of the everflowing liquid.

“Oh yeah,” Ellie taunted back, with a smirk on her face. She wasn’t sure where this confidence was coming from, so she reached out to take the cup from you. Bringing the cup up to her lips as she tilted her head back, taking large gulps of the water not breaking eye contact with you. You saw the string of saliva again as she dropped the cup from her lips, taking a soft breath.

“More . . .” Her voice was breathy as if she ran a mile.

“More what?”

“More water…please?” Ellie pleaded, she spoke fast and in a whisper shaking the empty cup as she handed it back to you.

“Sure thing Els,” You confirmed taking the cup from her hands feeling the sudden dampness of her drool around the cup. Almost damaging to the deteriorating paper. “You got something here”

You pointed to your own chin with your pointer finger, as Ellie quickly rushed a hand up to wipe off any excess liquid with the back of her hands, fingertips covered in bandaids.

“Sorry,” it was a quiet whisper.

You turned to the back this time giving Ellie a full view of the way you looked in the short shorts — that were almost as tight as your top. Ellie had to look away. Almost as if she were being under surveillance, she had to behave; control her wandering eyes that betrayed her more than often.

Just as you were about to give Ellie the cup again, a shout from her coach filled the spacey gymnasium. With that simple shout, Ellie became a machine. Lifting her legs up forgetting about her water request and rushed back onto the court. If she was so lucky to have the chance, she’ll fetch the water from you later. Hopefully with a reward on her back.

Williams! Back on the court! Let’s try it again #7 Hustle!

#💭ᜊ cher thinks #cherry writes 🤍#ellie williams drabble #ellie williams #modern! ellie williams #ellie williams x f!reader #ellie williams x reader #volleyball! ellie #modern au #ellie x you #ellie x reader #college! ellie williams #ellie williams smut #loser! ellie #loser!ellie #sub!ellie

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nadvs · 2 months

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　　💔　⊹　❀　︵　∘　 better off (alt ending) ⟢

pairing rafe cameron x female reader

rating mature 18+

summary you and rafe take time apart to try to get better for each other. when you meet up, you realize your relationship is beyond repair.

content warning toxic relationship, mentions of parental abuse, all hurt/no comfort

this is an alternate sad ending to better off, inspired by this ask!

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Rafe sits a foot away from you on the trail peak you used to always come to together. The sun is setting soon. The air is thick.

It’s been eighteen days since you decided to take time apart to work on yourselves. You haven’t said anything. It’s like you’re both afraid of breaking the silence.

You stare out at the horizon of where sky meets sea. Then, you meet his gaze and finally ask what’s been turning over in your head.

“Are we done?”

Rafe mournfully breathes your name, sounding defeated when he says, “You tell me.”

“What does that mean?” you say. You realize you sound just as exhausted as he does.

Frustration flares in him. He’s the one who’s always being strung along, loving you more, refusing to let you go. It’s always been like that. Now, you’re talking as if he has any power?

“I’m not the one who decides anything,” he says sharply. “You decided to break up. You decided to stop talking. You’re seriously fucking acting like anything here is up to me?”

His tone is so cutting. Mocking. You’ve been speaking for mere seconds and he’s already blaming you. He’s already angry.

But this is Rafe. He’s always angry. Maybe it’s something he’ll never change about himself. Either he can’t or he won’t.

“I’m asking because you blocked me,” you say, trying to keep your tone even, trying to have some sympathy for him.

“Not a good feeling, is it?” he snaps.

You shake your head to yourself and clasp your hands together tightly.

“So, you did it just to hurt me?” you ask.

Rafe’s jaw tenses. He doesn’t answer. It wasn’t the main reason, but he enjoyed knowing you could be trying to contact him and feeling rejected over and over again. Just like you used to do to him.

“Have you done any work on yourself? Like, at all?” you say.

The lack of belief you have in him stings. He angrily pulls out his phone to prove you wrong.

“This is what I was fucking doing, alright?” he mutters, opening his conversation with you.

A string of undelivered texts are on the screen. He blocked you just to send messages that couldn’t actually get to you.

Friday, 5:46 pm

It sucks not talking to you

Saturday, 3:01 am

You think youre so mmuch better than me and it oisses me the fuck k off

Sunday, 12:11 pm

I would take back a lot of the shit I did if I could

Sunday, 9:20 pm

I always fought to make this work and you never did. I always fucking cared more

Monday, 4:44 pm

I think about you every second. I’m going crazy

Tuesday 9:57 am

I miss your laugh

Tuesday, 3:01 pm

I wonder if you noticed

“If I noticed what?” you ask.

“That I wasn’t at that stupid party last weekend,” he admits.

“I noticed.”

He reaches for his phone.

“I’m not done,” you say, looking back down at the screen. His body tightens in irritation.

Tuesday, 11:30 pm

Obviously I love you and it’s so annoying every time you say I don’t say it enough

Yesterday, 1:20 pm

I would choose being sick together over being healthy alone. At least I’d have you

Today, 10:22 am

I just wish I was good enough

You realize your eyes have started to burn with tears. Your insides twist with a painful mix of hopelessness and a yearning to understand.

In the whirl of everything he wrote, you can’t get it out of your head that he said he’d choose being sick together. You’ve always had a fear he actually preferred dysfunction.

And while this is something you’d usually brush past, as you became an expert at ignoring his red flags, you need to be sure. Because now, you’re committed to being well.

“You’d rather be sick together?” you ask.

Rafe roughly takes his phone back. His heart feels like it’s getting wrung out.

You didn’t say you miss him too, that you love him too, that you agree that not talking sucked. You just found the flaw, the hole in him, like you always do.

He wrote all those messages and showed them to you just for you to judge him?

“Of all that,” he says with an angry exhale, “that’s what you nag me about.”

The pain of watching his anger grow right in front of you and you being desperate to stop it is too familiar.

“Sorry,” you say. “That’s not what I meant. I’m not trying to fight. I just want us both to want to be healthy, you know? I wrote - I wrote things for you, too.”

“What?” he snaps. “What did you write? How it’s never your fault?”

“No,” you reply, your voice getting louder. You take a deep breath, still so afraid of being vulnerable in front of someone who has a habit of arguing against your feelings. “The last thing I wrote was that I hope we find our way back. I miss you. And I love you, too.”

His muscles lose a bit of their tension.

“What else?” His voice is rough, almost strained.

You look out at the view again, thinking about all that you’ve wanted to tell him.

“I wrote that I used to feel good about myself around you, and then at some point, I really didn’t like who I became.”

It makes everything in him hurt.

“But I blamed you and I shouldn’t have,” you continue. “We both fought unfairly, but you didn’t bring anything out of me that wasn’t already there. I’m sorry that I made it your fault when I was mean.”

He blinks, staring at your profile as you continue to speak.

“And I didn’t like how controlling and jealous you could get,” you admit. “You didn’t trust me. I never actually did anything to make you question my loyalty, did I?”

Rafe chews on his lip. Tears prick at his eyes. He hates how you never understood this; how if you’re with him, if you love him, you shouldn’t give another man a second of your time.

“You still shouldn’t talk to other guys,” he says. “If you’re in a relationship, what are you doing smiling at some asshole who just wants to fuck you?”

You shake your head in disappointment, forehead creasing. You know you’re speaking differently than you used to, apologizing and explaining yourself carefully. But he’s the same. Rude. Domineering. Argumentative.

And he has yet to say sorry for anything. He’s still hung up on a twenty-second conversation you had with a guy at a party weeks ago, back when you weren’t even together.

He did this all the time. You’d talk to a male friend for a moment and he’d get angry. If you spoke with one of his friends, he’d visibly get tense. He’d even go through your following lists on social media and ask you why you followed every guy on the list, one by one.

You’re afraid he truly hasn’t improved one bit.

“Did you do any reading about jealousy or control?” you ask. “I can show you what I read if-”

“You act like it’s crazy to not want your girl talking to other guys,” he interrupts.

“Having a conversation with a guy doesn’t mean I’m flirting,” you retort, your own anger building now. “And it’s not even just guys! You’d even get pissed off when I went out with my friends. I’d spend the whole night texting you.”

“And blocking me,” he adds.

You let out a frustrated groan.

“Because I needed a break, Rafe. I was glued to my phone because of you,” you mutter. “It’s like you purposely started arguments so I couldn’t enjoy my night. And they all said-”

You stop yourself. You’re trying to be better and not spiteful. Not cruel.

“What?” he snaps, his voice dripping with contempt.

You can’t resist the urge. You want to hurt him.

“They all said you’re psychotic,” you say. “And that I could do so much better.”

Rafe tenses up again, looking away. His eyes are bloodshot now. You can do better. He knew that from the first date.

Guilt grips you. He was always painfully insecure. Maybe even more so than you realized. But he made you pay for it time and time again.

You don’t want to be this spiteful girl anymore. You want to be kind. Understanding. You never cared to be the bigger person before. You do now.

You think back to all the reading you’ve been doing about toxic relationships and how to dig yourself out of them.

“Jealousy is insecurity,” you begin, “and I think it’s important that you reflect and ask yourself why you’re insecure. Could it be from stuff at home? I know your dad didn’t always give you a lot of attention and that he hit you and-”

“Are you fucking serious?” Rafe mutters. Hearing you recount the traumatic stories he shared with you in confidence is too painful. He can’t hear it anymore. “You’re such a bitch for using that against me.”

You try to inhale again, but your breath is shallow and broken. Bitch. That insult is so simple, yet so vile. So dehumanizing.

This is how it always happened. The few and far between times you put your effort into having a calm, reasonable conversation, he’d explode, and then you’d explode, too.

“Don’t call me a bitch,” you snarl. “I wasn’t using it against you. I’m trying to understand you. Do you even understand yourself?”

Rafe scoffs in disbelief. You watch a tear quickly roll down his cheek. He wipes it away angrily. He doesn’t answer.

“Do you know why you act like this?” you say. “Have you thought about it at all these past few weeks?”

Rafe hates this feeling. He has lived it every day of his life. The harrowing pain of being neglected, the helplessness of being unable to control what he thinks and how he acts.

Nobody understands him. And that includes himself.

“I get it, alright?” he says, his voice cracking now. “There’s something wrong with me. You said it all the fucking time.”

Despite everything he’s hurled at you, you feel your heart break, looking at him almost curled up as he sits beside you, his cheeks streaked with tears.

You think of his texts. He said he wishes he was good enough.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” you say. “You’re good enough, okay? You’re more than good enough. I just want to understand why you treated me so bad.”

“You treated me bad, too,” he counters.

You grimace. Immediately defensive. No accountability. Just blame. He hasn’t changed at all. And you’re falling back into bad habits just by talking with him.

A few moments of silence pass between you, both of you sniffling but saying no words. You have no hope left.

“I was really hoping we could bring out the best in each other instead of the worst,” you finally say. “But if you don’t actually do the work to get better, it’s not going to happen.”

Rafe meets your eyes. He’s shattered. He’s never felt smaller. And it’s all your fault. Being with you just hurts at this point. And he doesn’t want to hurt anymore.

“Then it’s not going to happen,” he answers, tone low.

You blink away tears. You look down at your lap. You exhale. And you say the hardest possible thing.

“This is over,” you half-whisper. “Goodbye.”

You stand and he doesn’t stop you. Even though going down the trail in the dusk on foot is dangerous, he doesn’t stop you. You start to walk home and he doesn’t stop you.

Eventually, a motorcycle roars past you on the street. You know it’s him. You know he passed you and didn’t care enough to at least offer you a lift home.

But of course that’s the way your mess of a relationship ends. He claims he cares, then when it matters, he obviously doesn’t give a fuck.

As you walk home, wiping away your tears, your heart broken over the fact that he didn’t have the decency to drive you home or the love to actually try to improve himself for you, you tell yourself that eventually, you won’t give a fuck, either.

You won’t talk to him anymore. You won’t touch him anymore. You won’t ask about his day or run your fingers over his hair the way he likes or laugh together. Ever again.

One day, this won’t feel like a loss. Because whatever you had with Rafe wasn’t love. It was poison and you can’t willingly drink it anymore.

(continuation)

#rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron and you #rafe cameron and reader #rafe cameron and y/n

171 notes · View notes

0310s · 3 months

Text

gently, by your side | jaehyun

members: myung jaehyun x gender neutral reader

genre: college au, angst, comfort, best friends! to ???, more platonic stuff in this one

tags/warnings: extensive discussions of mental health and chronic/mental illness, y/n is not okay. :(

summary: jaehyun finds you after a bad week.

wc: 2.7k

a/n: this fic’s title comes from this lovely song. as someone who’s struggled with both chronic and mental illness, it really takes someone strong and amazing to keep on going, despite everything. most of the dialogue in this comes from my own musings and experiences with mental health. i wrote this for a dear mutual of mine! i hope better days will come for you soon, whenever that may be. meanwhile, i hope this gives you comfort when things are tough! sending lots of love <3

𓉞⋆｡˚☁︎｡⋆

5 days ago 1:28 PM 🐶 cutie puppy

(y/n) we haven’t seen each other in such a loooong time imy :(( i mean i KNOW it’s just been a couple of days since we last hung out but still!!!!!!! when are we seeing each other again !!!! tell me ur schedule QUICK !!!!

4 days ago 6:33 PM 🐶 cutie puppy

heeeeyyyyyyyyy (with the intention to hang out) heeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy heeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy reply to meeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! tell me when ur free pls i miss u :((

3 days ago 11:58 PM 🐶 cutie puppy

hey i didn’t see u at the party today i thought u said u were going last week!!! also i asked around and people said they haven’t seen u around recently??? and they don’t know what ur up to

2 days ago 2:05 PM 🐶 cutie puppy

heeeyyyy ?????????? did i do smth????? or are u just really busy w school and work idk either way pls just let me know :(( i won’t bother u if ur rlllyyy busy

10:35 PM sorry if i’m being annoying btw

Yesterday 11:32 PM 🐶 cutie puppy

ok i thought about it reaaaaaallly hard and i don’t think i’ve done anything to make u mad or upset w me??? well aside from that time last last week that u got mad at me for accidentally messing w ur computer and deleting ur work files WHICH IM LIKE REALLY SORRY FOR but i fixed it!!!!! i thought we were good alrd!!! are u still mad at me 4 that ?

1:00 AM (y/n)?

1:28 AM idk i thought i was ur best friend :(( did smth change???

2:47 AM pls pls reply :(( i know we can talk this out i don’t want us to not be ok

Today 3:00 PM 🐶 cutie puppy i’m coming over.

𓉞⋆｡˚☁︎｡⋆

Sitting up from your bed, your heart thuds in anxiety as you quickly scroll through your chat history with Jaehyun. Your eyes hurt and your brain feels especially foggy, like you’re looking at the world through a particularly cloudy lens. How long did you sleep? The last thing you recall was working on your assignments last night, then choosing to sleep instead when you got overwhelmed. Even then, you slept fitfully. You remember setting an alarm at 9 AM today to continue working, but even as you sat at your desk, you couldn’t type a single sentence on your laptop. Everything felt muddled and it was as if you couldn’t understand anything at all. Even the cups of coffee you drank in desperation was of no use keeping you alert; all it did was make you palpitate.

Then you gave up, went back to bed, and you’re here now. Checking the chat timestamps, you realize you haven’t replied to Jaehyun’s messages in almost a week, which has never happened before—you talk almost everyday, even multiple times a day. Jaehyun’s last message was at 3 PM, when he said he’d come over. One look at your screen shows you it’s already 3:20. If you’ve memorized his schedule right, it takes your best friend thirty minutes to get to your dorm from his Fundamental Maths class. That means you have ten more minutes to get your shit together and clean your mess of a room.

But right when you’ve mustered the energy to stand up, you hear a series of knocks on your door. That can’t be— “(Y/n), open up, I know you’re in there!” Jaehyun’s voice echoes from outside the door. “I asked your dormmate and she said you haven’t left your room since yesterday, so there’s no use pretending!” Shit, shit, shit! You immediately spring up and hastily fold your blankets and organize your desk, throwing away stray food wrappers and plastic cups. You open your blinds to let some air in, and the bright sunlight makes your head throb even more.

On your way to the door, you spot yourself in the mirror. There’s no other word for it—you look like utter shit. Your eyebags are dark and prominent, your hair disheveled from tossing and turning in your sleep. You look horrendous, but Jaehyun is persistently knocking on your door, so you have no choice but to fix yourself up as fast as you can. You splash water on your face and smoothen down your hair and open the door—then there’s Jaehyun in all his glory. Your heart clenches seeing him; he looks as handsome as always, his bangs fluffy and soft and his letterman jacket fashionably oversized. He looks nothing like you in your ratty T-shirt with coffee stains and pajama shorts. His hand is halfway raised, positioned to knock at your door (he could and would probably do it all day if he had to). Upon seeing you, he blurts out: “Did I do something?”

Instead of answering him, you open your door wider as an invitation, and Jaehyun takes the hint, stepping into your dorm. Once the door is shut, Jaehyun peers at your messy room and remarks, “Wow. When was the last time you cleaned up? You’re usually not like this.”

You know he didn’t mean it like that, but his comment stings at you all the same. “Sorry, Jaehyun,” you snap, “not everyone can be at 200% energy all the time like you.” At his hurt expression, you backtrack. “Sorry, that was really rude of me.”

“It-It’s fine,” Jaehyun replies confusedly. Then he looks straight at you, eyes pleading. He’s picking at the stray thread hanging from his jacket, a habit you’ve come to known is something he does when he’s nervous. “You know what, I thought about it. For days, really, if I did anything that would make you mad and ignore me. But I couldn’t come up with anything at all. I was really worried when you didn’t reply to me for days on end, especially when we talk everyday. So if I did something, can—can you just tell me? I just want us to be okay.”

Your throat closes up and your heart pounds even faster, making you feel dizzy. You have no idea how to answer him, when all he’s ever seen of you is the perfect student who does everything right, who’s smart and good at what they do without any flaws or exceptions. How would he react if he saw you for who you really were?

The words can’t form in your mouth, and out of frustration at yourself, you tear up. Jaehyun notices this, eyes widening in worry, “(y/n), baby, no, no,” and pulls you into his arms. Almost instantly, the tears cascade down your face and sobs wrack your body. You feel pathetic crying in your best friend’s arms, but Jaehyun just soothes a hand up and down your back as you break down. His other arm is wrapped around your shoulders, and it feels like your anchor when you’re drowning in all your troubles. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he says in a hushed tone, “let it all out.” You grip his jacket even tighter as you bury your face in his chest.

When was the last time you’ve ever been hugged like this? The last time you’ve ever been truly vulnerable to anyone without that mask of perfection you often don? The last time you felt safe just being yourself? You have no idea. All you know that is in the circle of Jaehyun’s arms, you want to be small and imperfect and yourself just this once.

After your cries die down, Jaehyun clears his throat. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I don’t know what it is I did, but I’m so sorry for hurting you.”

“It’s not you, Jaehyun,” your voice is muffled by both your sniffles and Jaehyun’s chest. You don’t want Jaehyun to get the wrong idea that he’s hurt you in some way because of how broken he sounds thinking he’s done something to make you sad. “It’s just. Me.”

“You? What do you mean?” Jaehyun leads you into your room from the doorway. He’s holding your hand and doesn’t let go even when you both settle at the edge of your bed. His palm is warm and his grip loose enough in case you want to let go; you don’t. While you muster up the courage to speak, your best friend just sits there, waiting patiently. “It’s okay, whatever you say, I’m not going anywhere.” You don’t know that for sure, but him saying that makes you want to be truthful just this once, damn the consequences.

You take a deep breath, focusing on your intertwined fingers. You’re too scared to look at his face because you don’t want to see his reaction. “Jaehyun, what kind of person do you think people see me as?”

“Well…” He takes a moment to think about it. “Someone smart, talented, and who gets stuff done?”

In turn, you let out an resigned exhale. “Well, that’s the image I project. Of someone who’s perfect… someone who does things effortlessly. People think it comes easy to me. But it doesn’t. When people tell me that I didn’t need much effort to get to where I am now, I feel undermined. When I express I’m having a hard time, people brush it off and think I’m just overreacting. Because they think I’m perfect all the time. But honestly…? That’s the farthest thing from the truth."

Glancing up from your hands, you scan your room—your desk is a mess of papers and assignments that you have yet to get to. You can’t tell when the last time you spent time being actually productive when what you’ve been is fatigued out of your mind. When you try to sit at your desk and work, all you feel is difficulty concentrating and processing work and readings. Sleep has also proven to be elusive—no matter how long you lie in bed, you never feel well-rested. Simple actions and decisions require so much energy from you that you undeniably lack. You also constantly compare yourself to others, whom things like these come natural to them. But you’ve kept these feelings of yours secret for a long time—you’re utterly terrified that you’d be undermined for being useless and overly sensitive.

“(Y/n)?” Jaehyun squeezes your hand, and you turn to meet his eyes. His eyes are sincere and kind. “I-I know I may not be the most empathic person, but I promise I’ll hear you out without judging you. I want to be here for you… and I hope you’ll let me. Please?”

At this, you spill everything you’ve been feeling the past weeks—months, even—to Jaehyun. You stumble over your words and your breath gets caught in your throat, but he’s there to pat your back and to encourage you to keep going. Without you knowing, tears make their way down your face once again, and Jaehyun uses his other hand to gently brush them away. “It just gets so hard that I want to just. Give everything up. I don’t know what the use of trying so hard is when I see how other people don’t need this much effort to do even the most basic of tasks. It’s just so… unfair.”

When you’re finished with your rant, you don’t know what to expect from Jaehyun—but you’re stunned to see him crying. He’s sniffling and wiping at his eyes furiously. “Why…” You have no idea what he’s about to say, but you brace yourself for the worst. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this?” he whispers brokenly. “I didn’t know you were having such a difficult time. I feel like such a shitty friend for not even noticing. I’m sorry, (y/n).” Jaehyun’s eyes fill with tears and he starts “I… I thought we were best friends.” The best friends tell each other everything goes unsaid, but you know exactly what he meant.

“I…” You feel awful now for making Jaehyun cry. “You’re just. You just naturally have all this limitless energy. You’re…” Normal. Not like me. “I don’t know how if you were going to take me seriously if I told you what I was going through… There were times I’d see you, and I’d be so disappointed in myself for not being like you. And I was so scared that if I did tell you, I’d be letting you down.”

Jaehyun’s expression grows more miserable at this. “I-I’m sorry, (y/n), I never meant to make you feel unheard. And I never meant for it to feel like you couldn’t tell me about these things.”

“It-It’s not your fault, Jaehyun,” you protest, but he shakes his head, obviously disappointed in himself.

“No, (y/n), I’m supposed to be your best friend. How stupid can I be if I can’t notice when you’re having a hard time? I didn’t even stop to ask how you’ve been doing because you seemed to be doing fine. But I should’ve known better. I shouldn’t have taken things at face value. I’m such an idiot,” Jaehyun berates himself. “I’m so, so sorry.”

At his sincere apology, you can’t help but admit it to yourself—you desperately needed Jaehyun’s support as your best friend, but you were too scared to ask for it. And honestly? You felt immensely lonely without his words and presence to comfort you.

“(Y/n), I hope you know that I see how hard you work. I know your sleepless nights and how much effort you put into every single thing you do. Despite everything you’re going through, you’re always trying to be better than the person you were yesterday, and it’s something I truly admire about you. But I hope you know it’s okay to be imperfect and flawed and to not be okay. I want to be here on your good and bad days. I just wish I could’ve been more vocal about this earlier… I’ve really taken you for granted, huh?” Jaehyun sighs wetly, taking your hand in both of his. He’s still crying; you both are, actually. What a silly pair the two of you make.

“Thank you for trusting me and sharing all of this. It literally means the world to me,” Jaehyun rambles. “I promise I’ll be a better friend to you, someone you feel safe opening up to about anything, whether that be your achievements or your struggles. And (y/n), if it’s not too much to ask… Could I ask you to be more honest with me in the future?” He stares at you imploringly. “I don’t want you to think you have to go through all of this alone. I want to be here for you the same way you’ve always been there for me… Okay?”

“....Okay. Okay, I’ll try,” you respond softly. “Thank you, Jaehyun. I… I’ve never told anyone about this before. But thank you so much for just listening, and not judging, and accepting me for me…” While you appreciate Jaehyun’s presence at this moment, a new wave of fatigue washes over you with all this emotional vulnerability and talking. “Jaehyun… I’m still feeling really tired, so I might go back to sleep. Sorry, I know you came all the way here to see me, but here I am being shit company,” you apologize regretfully.

“Oh! That’s okay. I’ll see you tomorrow?” Jaehyun stands up from your bed to leave. When your fingers slip from each other, you feel an acute loss of warmth—both in your hands and in your heart. He makes his way to the door, slipping on his shoes, and your heart sinks. There’s something you badly want to ask of Jaehyun, but you’re too much of a coward to tell him what you truly want. You don’t want to be on your own right now, but you’d probably be asking too much of him. Accepting your fate, you settle in bed, attempting to take a nap so restless you’re sure will be of no help to your exhaustion.

However, Jaehyun himself stops in the doorway. He turns back around, a distraught look on his face. “(Y/n)... I don’t want to assume, but are you sure you want to be alone right now?” he begins. “I mean, we just had this really heavy talk. Can… Can I keep you company? I promise I’m great at cuddles—that’s what all my other friends say anyway when I annoy them with my hugs.”

When you nod, that’s all it takes for Jaehyun to shuck off his shoes, strip his jacket, and climb into bed with you. With your ear against his steady heartbeat and his comforting arm around you, you’re asleep in no time. It’s the best you’ve ever slept in months.

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fatkish · 6 months

Note

Hi hun!

If you’re still doing requests could I ask for a Dabi x reader fluff hcs?

Like she’s got adhd and autism and is kinda goth (this is self indulgent lol). By kinda goth I mean she loves the music, culture and has some eery home decor like fossils and skulls etc but doesn’t necessarily look the part (most of the time).

If you have any questions please lmk!!

Thank youuu xx

Dabi x ADHD and Autistic Goth reader

Reader runs a small cafe and bakery. The reader creates bento boxes that you can buy for relatively cheap but taste really good and are made with nutritional ingredients. Some heroes, office workers, first responders and other people who don’t really have the time to make food or stop for lunch often order ahead and pick up food to go.

Reader lives in an apartment above their cafe and has a few employees who are either college students, high schoolers, people with disabilities or any other person who has a relatively small work window and needs money. Their employees are all highly respectful of them.

The cafe is open from 5:00 am to 9:00 pm. The reader spend most of the hours doing the cooking and making bentos, budgeting, paying bills and other tasks that are done behind the scenes. The reader has a quirk that allows them to heal people via food (kinda like the mom from Encanto)

The cafe has a very quiet and calm atmosphere and is very popular among the anti-social groups and those who have sensitivities to crowds and stuff. The decor is very soft-core/comfort and homey styled

The booths have partitions that can completely close with tatami mats and pillows, there are steps leading into the booth area where you remove your shoes and put slippers on. The tables with chairs are in the front of the cafe and the floors are mostly hard wood.

Those who work full time are often quirkless employees who need a stable job and a kind and understanding workplace environment

You met Dabi one night when an employee found him collapsed outback by the dumpsters during closing. When they told you about him, you had them help you move him to your upstairs apartment where you treated what you could of his burns and began preparing food for him

When Dabi woke up to a dark gothic room with Victorian antique furniture that looked like a vampire owned it, he had no idea what he was in for. Expecting some grungy punk ass emo person, he nearly got mental whiplash when you walked in, wearing some cute soft clothes with a smile on your face holding a plate of cutesy food

I picture the reader having a personality kinda like Mitsuri from Demon Slayer. Your cheerful and loving albeit kinda ditzy personality was not what Dabi expected.

“Oh goodie, you’re awake, I was so super worried about you when my employees found you. You looked so hurt and sad, my heart nearly broke just thinking about how much pain you must be in. Oh, here, I made you plenty of food so eat up! I already changed your bandages earlier so just rest, call me if you need anything, I’ll be just around the corner in the living room<3”

You left before Dabi could even get a word in. He looked down at the plates on the tray in his lap that you placed. Seeing all the cute food and your personality made him think you’re either a roommate or you’re some psycho killer with a split personality. But he was hungry so he ate the food.

While he ate, Dabi noticed his burns healing and even his scars disappearing slowly but surely until it stopped. When you came back to check on him and clean up his dishes, he asked about it. You told him your quirk lets you heal people by having them ingest the food make.

After collecting his dishes you asked if there was or is anything he doesn’t like or is allergic to. He told you he hates fish and that he prefers his food cold. You gave him a soft towel for him to shower with and told him where the bathroom was. After that you asked for his clothing size and went shopping for clothes for him

After bringing the clothes for him to his room you left them there. After he took a shower he saw the clothes but didn’t see his clothes/villain getup anywhere. He left the room and entered the living room and asked where his clothes were

You where watching Molang on Netflix and eating tangulu (I hope I spelled that right, it’s cut up fruit on a stick that coated in a layer of melted sugar giving it a hard candy like coating)

You turn to him and after being asked you tell him that you’re washing his clothes and then you’re going to repair them. You offer him some tangulu to which he surprisingly accepts and sits down and you both decide to watch a creature feature movie. You both enjoy seeing the asshole people get eaten by monsters

“Yeah! Get munched, asshole! Oh, sorry, I kinda tend to get caught up in the moment when watch these movies”

“It’s fine doll face”

Dabi chuckles quietly seeing you get so excited about things. He notices how you’re easily distracted but is still wondering why you haven’t said anything about him or why you aren’t seemingly afraid of him, so he asks

“Alright, be real with me for a minute, why the hell ain’t ‘cha afraid ‘a me huh? I mean, I’m covered in nasty burns and yet yer here makin’ me food, takin’ care ‘a me and shit, so what’s up?”

“Hm? Oh, well, just because you look different doesn’t mean anything, everyone hits rough patches somewhere or at some point in their life. I think it’s horrible to kick someone while they’re already having a rough time. You’ve clearly been having a rough time so it’s only right for me to help you out, that’s what people are supposed to do. People should be kind to others no matter what, I might not know you, but everyone deserves to be treated with kindness.”

“Ya’ know, that kinda thinkin’ is probably gonna get ‘cha killed sweetheart. How do you know I’m not gonna kill ya’ ‘er somethin’? I could hurt ‘cha and yer just sittin’ here?”

“I don’t think you’re going to hurt me. I think you’re a good person who’s just going through a rough patch. I’m not gonna ask what you’re going through but just know that my door is always open for you.”

You smile at him and he just sits there dumbfounded. He gives up and eventually you guys go to bed.

Over the next few days you continue to make him food and wait for it to cool down before serving him. He eventually tells you his name is Dabi. You guys get along rather well

When he leaves you tell him to make sure to come back and you even hand him a wrapped up bento. He waves you off and leaves through the back but takes the bento with him

When he meets back up with the league at their hideout he opens the bento to see a bunch of cutesy things. Toga and Twice both notice it and bring it to the attention of the others

Twice is jealous that Dabi has someone who makes him food. Toga wants to meet you and (stab) befriend you. Compress is delighted by the creativity and how well plated the food is. Kurogiri wants to exchange recipes and learn a thing or two from you. Spinner couldn’t care less and Tomura is just frustrated but makes fun of Dabi

Dabi will never admit it, but he loves that you take care of him and he makes sure that you’re safe and that other villains and heroes don’t bother you

(I hope you enjoyed this. The pictures aren’t mine I found them on Pinterest)

#mha x reader #bnha x reader #dabi x reader #mha dabi #bnha dabi #dabi todoroki #dabi #touya todoroki #touya x reader #dabi touya

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spideesenses · 1 year

Text

Half a Heart → Miguel O’Hara

pairing: miguel x gn!reader

warnings: angsty

prompt: miguel has a difficult time balancing out work and his personal life; you have received the short end of the stick countless of times.

Midnight rolled around & the empty spot next to you remains cold. Your heavy heart aches. You tried not to cry, but once that pinch in your chest comes to light, you can’t help the knot that gets stuck in your throat.

This was the 12th time this month that Miguel had left you hanging without any form of communication. 12th time the two of you had planned for a date & him not show up. You understood that he ran a business, you weren’t entirely sure what the business was, only that you would be safer if you didn’t know & to trust Miguel. Him not showing up was only a portion of the issue… the other part was him not communicating. Would you still be a little disappointed if he did communicate? Yes, of course, anyone would be if plans fell through last minute. But you wouldn’t have to hold onto this sliver of hope that just maybe… he’d make it this time.

You started thinking about how he hardly texted you as it was. You weren’t exactly the clingy type. You could be at times, but as a full-time worker, you understood that obligations come up. To make sure you weren’t crazy, you pulled out your phone. You scrolled, making note of the conversations that you had & all of them, were conversations that you initiated.

Two weeks ago

You — 6:56 AM good morning love, i hope you have a great day today. i miss you so much. i’m off at 5 today. any chance we can order takeout and have a movie night?💕

Miggy Smalls — 7:12 AM Buenos dias mi vida. I should be good for a date night, only I’ll be home at around 9 the latest. That okay with you? Be safe, i miss you xo💋

You — 7:15 AM sounds good. should i order from that thai place up the street?

You — 5:20 PM miguel?

You — 6:01 PM i ordered your favorite. should be here in 2 hours and a half. let me know when you’re on the way home. stay safe

You — 8:10 PM oh! i saw this and it reminded me of you. thought you might have a laugh [attachment]

You — 9:32 PM hey, you on the way? im throwing your food in the microwave so it’s warm when you get here!

You — 11:24 PM haven’t heard from you. hope you’re okay. food’s in the fridge🥺

Miggy Smalls — 2:12 AM Dios mios, lo siento baby. I’ll make it up to you, I promise

Two weeks ago

You — 9:44 AM hi! thinking of you. i miss you😭 little bit extra today.

Miggy Smalls - 10 AM Does my baby need a hug delivered? I’ll stop by with some lunch too.

You — 10:03 AM oh please! and a kiss too, while you’re at it🥺

Miggy Smalls — 11:45 AM Omw baby. Hang tight

You — 2:12 PM thank you for coming to see me today. it was very special to me & meant a lot. i love you

Miggy Smalls — 3:54 PM I love you baby. Of course. Sorry it’s been a while since we’ve spent time together, work can be unpredictable at times

You — 4 PM all good. just try to talk to me more, so i can be understanding, okay?

It wasn’t all bad. Miguel had his moments where he would show up for some cuddles. He wouldn’t stay long, but those moments were sacred to you. You cherished those moments beyond his imagination. Of course you did, you had to with how rare they were.

Tears rolled down your face as you went through your messages. You missed him so much. More than words could fathom. And with every single fiber in your body, you wished that you could stop feeling this feeling. Missing him was painful. It felt like your body was operating without its heart. Like you were walking around with only one shoe.

It wasn’t always like this either. In the beginning, Miguel was the one texting and calling you first. He was showing up to your apartment with food and a movie, or a puzzle he picked up. Actually, one of your first quarrels was how he felt like you weren’t doing these things for him. And you felt like these were things he enjoyed, so you didn’t want to take it from him; so the resolution was you would take turns. But that Miguel feels like he’s millions of miles away, as if he’s a completely different person.

You tried your hardest to distract yourself, but the screaming red light of your digital clock reading 12:56 PM only mocked you. You couldn’t get the time of his day. Could you even consider this a relationship?

The memories slowly peeled away in your head. Good and bad. And you really began questioning if the good really could outweigh the bad.

A shadow drifts across your window, causing you to sit up, immediately wiping your face with the sleeve of Miguel’s hoodie. If an intruder was going to get you, you’d be damned if it were booger-faced crying.

Immediately, your heart starts to pound in your chest; if the intruder didn’t know any better, it’d almost be as if you were knocking at the window. You reached for your bedside lamp, clutching it at the base, raising your arm as the shadowed figure presses their fingers to push up the window. Without hesitating, you swipe the lamp at the unnamed stranger.

“Ow! Babe?” you hadn’t even realized your eyes were closed shut and turned to the side. You peeked your eyes and there he was in all of his glory.

“M-Miguel?” you sniffled. You couldn’t help it. You saw him and your heart tore. The weld in your throat tightened as you swallowed.

“Baby, it’s okay. It’s just me.”

Only it wasn’t.

#miguel o’hara #miguel o’hara x reader #miguel o’hara x you #alia writes

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luminouslywriting · 5 months

Note

just read your domestic Buck headcanons and I LOVE them 🥰 i'd be interested to know more about the kitchen sex and praise

Ooh I am just loving getting these asks!! Keep sending them my way because I really do enjoy them! You're all so lovely! Again, please note I don't write full smut, but this one was a little fun haha! Hopefully it was what you were looking for!

Warning: Spice below the cut haha!

-Gale has long and hard days at work and if he comes home and you're in the kitchen....it's just a recipe for disaster and spice, let me be the first to say!

-Because it goes one of two ways—

Gale comes home and literally just stops you in the middle of whatever you're doing (whether it be cutting vegetables, setting the table, pouring a drink, it does not matter what it is), and in that nice voice of his goes, "Honey, I'm starving."

-IT IS NOT FOR FOOD BABE

-If he's in that sort of a mood, things get carried away awful fast and the kitchen will need a deep cleaning

-You can forget about cooking if that's the sort of mood that he's in because he's going to be feasting on you minimum 4-5 times before the clock has even hit 9 pm.

-It's in these sorts of moods that he wants to focus entirely on you and losing himself IN YOU

-Man's has been working hard and doing his best to provide for you and sometimes, it's more of a present and a treat for him to get to spoil you in this way than for you to pleasure him

-That means he's absolutely not letting you get handsy while he's being handsy and mouthy haha

-He draws those orgasms OUT and yes, several a meal has been burned or discarded in the Cleven household over this

-You could be attempting to stop the fire on the stove and that man wouldn't even remove his right hand from you while the left attempts to put out the fire haha

2. It's a softer version of this—but essentially, if you're in the kitchen and you're eating or you're cooking, he likes to watch you

-Gale is a really observant person and he internalizes a lot of his feelings and so he'll watch you very lovingly doing things

-A lot of the time, this ends in him hugging you from behind or wanting to dance with you in the kitchen

-Or if you're both eating and he's feeling particularly clingy that day, he'll just pull you into his lap and you'll have to move your food to adjust to said demands

-These are all things that have led to some spicer situations in said kitchen

Other notes about the kitchen:

-Places that have needed to be sanitized: Against the fridge, the floor, atop the countertop, atop the dinner table, the dining room chairs, pretty much any available counter space that exists, the door to the kitchen, etc.

As for the praise thing haha:

-I just really believe that he's a very soft-spoken man who doesn't verbalize a lot, so it's important to him in sex to let you know how beautiful and loved and important you are

-Yes, he definitely says, "Good girl," multiple times

-Doesn't really swear during sex but has when things have gotten to be overstimulating for either of you haha

-If you have insecurities about a certain portion of your body, you best believe that he's taking the time during sex to reassure you that he wholeheartedly knows that you're beautiful and loves every single part of yourself

-He might even make you do positive affirmations about your body afterwards just to make sure the lessons have sunk in

-If not.....😌 then he's about to have a great time teaching you how to love yourself more

#gale buck cleven #gale cleven headcanons #gale cleven x reader #gale cleven #mota #mota fanfic #masters of the air x reader #masters of the air

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ms-moonlight-inn · 1 month

Text

10:00 pm. Time to make some bad bedtime decisions. Tagged by @jrooc @mybrainismelted @lingy910y & @bawlbrayker to do a ✨✨ FIRST LINE ANALYSIS ✨✨ (escándalo)

Rules: post the first lines of your last 10 fics/chapters posted on AO3 (if you have less than 10 fics posted, post the first lines of all your fics) and try to draw some conclusions.

"Milo - portrayed by Ian Gallagher

Catchphrase - Duct tape won’t fix that!

Dante - portrayed by Mickey Milkovich

Classic Dante Move - raised right brow and Elvis-style lip curl."

Shame-proof, written with @notherenewjersey

"He's been doing this for a long time now, Ian's beginning to wonder if it's too long. It was fun at first –a hobby to keep his boyfriend out of trouble, out of juvie, away from his family– but now Mickey's his husband and doing drag has become a bonafide profession." Enough Ain't The Test

"The last thing Mickey remembers is falling asleep with one thought in mind: 'Get me the fuck outta here.' The last thing Ian remembers before closing his eyes and drifting off last night was: 'Get me out of this South Side hell hole.' Happy Wish Night, Asshole

"'Stay in bed, it's still early.' Ian whispers the words, careful not to rouse his slumbering husband." Passenger Prince

"Ian loses things, loses them all the time. His keys, his wallet, his focus, his sanity." Eyes Of Disarray

"It’s 2 am when Ian notices it for the first time. That 'it' feeling, beginning at the center of his solar plexus and radiating down towards his stomach and up to his throat. Soon, his body’s engulfed in the feeling, the it." Mango and Yuzu Flowers, written with @notherenewjersey

"The frayed hole at the bottom of his backpack threatens to bust loose any minute, but that doesn't stop 10-year-old Mickey Milkovich from marching his scrawny ass down the railroad tracks." The Adventures Of Striker The Cat, written with @deathclassic

"King has been planning this for a long time. For longer than he can consciously remember, his brain has been thinking on the prom dilemma and planning out how to make it happen." The Reactions Of Friends, The Combustion Of Elements (King and the Dragonflies)

"After two weeks of expediting at The Bear, he gets his first asshole customer. A real asshole, not those posers pretending to be difficult, trying to get a rise out of Sugar as a way to score a free meal." Baby Steps (The Bear)

#10

"Planning a caper is exactly like planning Thanksgiving dinner. You gotta start with your end time. When the fuck do you want to get out of there? Or rather, what's your departure?" The Caper, written with @notherenewjersey (Our Flag Means Death)

***

Analysis:

Man, I sure as fuck love utilizing in media res as a starting technique, don't I? No preamble, no mincing words. Just dive straight into the bullshittery of my story & let's go. Don't worry, you'll pick up whatever information you need along the way. 😁

I also noticed that I often either start a fic with the person that the story is not about (kinda like an insider's outside perspective if that makes sense), or I make sure to include the perspective of both characters. And I think I do this so that I have an excuse to dump as much information as I can without having to stop the narrative for a bunch of explanations. I could literally just build-in pertinent information in dialogues or headspace narrative as the introductory character(s) interact with each other and/or their environment.

***

Well, ok. I'ma tag a few people, with no pressure to play: @blue-disco-lights @transmurderbug @sluttygallavich @sweetbee78 @depressedstressedlemonzest @transmurderbug @rayrayor @gallavichgeek @energievie @spacerockwriting @sgtmickeyslaughter @ian-galagher @callivich @palepinkgoat

As always, I'm forgetting a bunch of people 'cause my memory is shit. 🙈 Sorry, I mean no harm.

#tagged #first lines #gallavich #the bear tv #king and the dragonflies #our flag means death #(no fandoms were hurt in the making of this post)

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elfiaa · 2 years

Text

12:00 A.M

[sleep is for the weak. How will the twisted boys spend their late nights with you?]

A/N: Established relationships, but can be platonic if you squint 🧍🏻 Just general sleep headcanons :) some are more crack than others though…sorry if you were expecting something more serious 😅 first part of a (maybe..?) series, so first years gotta be..well first! Another A/N at the end <3

A. Trappola

𝗟𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗡𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗛𝗖

Ramshackle is a second home for him

And no, I don’t mean it in the sweet way

Man is over here at 11:00 PM knocking on the door bc he was hungry

Y’all can’t catch a break 😭

Whenever you do eventually let him in (instead of letting him succumb to the freezing air outside ☺️) he makes himself comfortable on your bed

He’s probably kicking his feet and getting all comfortable, half guessing you’d just hop in💀

Did he do this on purpose?

Yes

Is this his greatest achievement?

Absolutely

Is def a cuddler, but in the way that in the morning, your sheets are half on and the duvet is nearly off the bed🧍🏻

You guys carelessly skip through children’s channels and the TV to quench the boredom

But then a second later mans is snoring loud af

Grim does not appreciate his bed buddy being stolen

I’m sure he’s sleeping on the floor to prove a point, only bc Ace tried to convince him to sleep in the middle

Ace is not superior 🤨‼️is what grim is probably thinking as his half conscious body is clawing at the sheets

Maybe that’s why they were half on…

Other than the time ace is a breathing rock, he’s relatively chill when awake

If you provide him with some snacks by the bedside, he’ll make sure not to bother you too much

Maybe the occasional 3:AM thoughts

And when he’s ESPECIALLY groggy from staying up late

He’s an angel 😍

————————————

𝗦𝗹𝗲𝗲𝗽𝘆 𝗛𝗖

When sleepy, ace is a completely different person

Def against his own will too

He can’t help it! Even though he’s in a less mediocre bed than in his dorm, he finds your company very soothing

Please just ignore him acting more clingy and mushy

If you tease him in the morning he will ignore you

Until Riddle almost collars him, and he’s back asking for you as Housewarden of Ramshackle to pls give him a pass !!

His pajamas are probably hella atrocious.

Atrocious in the sense he probably never washes them unless he has a stain on it

Greasy af..

If you’re the motherly type or just naturally care for your friends by tucking them in, or humming a soft tune, he’ll tell you to cut it out! But not rlly stop you either..

Indulge him this once!! He promises that he won’t bother you for the rest of the week !

Well…that’s a bluff, but you’d let him get away with it too, wouldn’t you?

Anyways 6/10: he’s a pain to entertain, but you love him so the score had to be above 5 🙄

————————————

D. Spade

𝗟𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗡𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗛𝗖

Look, the only reason he’d ever be awake is because of ace 💀

Ever since his redemption arc of becoming a model student, he’s probably been going to bed at like 8:00 sharp. 9:00 if he’s cramping in some late work, but nothing more!

If he is awake and it’s late, it’s just another weekday of him being dragged to do late hw 😔

Like ace, he becomes very groggy. Usually when he was younger, he’d just walk off the drowsiness, but he’s a new person now!

He probably asks you to pinch him awake if you see his eyes start to droop.

Is probably shocked for a few seconds, but it helps keep him awake, and a bit motivated seeing you trying so hard to help him. (He promises your help will not go in vain !!!)

He wants to keep up with you!!

If in the case, he ISNT up because of work, he’s definitely being babied

He’s getting the midnight snacks. He’s getting the random bedtime stories, he’s getting cushioned in all the right pillows, and he even has the classic button up pjs to fit it!

He gave up his dignity a long time ago when he met you

This means he’s totally embracing the pampering 💀

Tuck him in, give his a goodnight smooch before he nocks out, and he’s all yours

But this doesn’t erase the fact that he’s still a little embarrassed

He adores you tho!! So he basically can’t deny you

He’s very grateful for the treatment and makes sure to stay awake as long as you do.

Probably treats you to lunch

His mama raised him well 😭💕

————————————

𝗦𝗹𝗲𝗲𝗽𝘆 𝗛𝗖

Like I said previously, if you pamper him, he’ll love you forever

His mother def approves

When are we scheduling the family reunion???

If YOURE the one who goes to bed before him…woo boy…

He almost cringes at himself for all the cheesy stuff he does

I said almost

Even though he’s turning as bright as a peach, he can’t really hold back his emotions when they’re on overdrive 😭

Hell nuzzle into you, comb your hair, and sometimes, if not mostly, he plays with your fingers

To him: embarrassing

To you: actions of a true jolly good best man

Has sleep ambiance music, and ONLY the ones with rain softly playing in the back

If you ever bought him a matching set of Jammie’s, he’s in love

Warm soothing drinks will get this boy to melt into your arms!!

He just wants to be held for a bit 😭 then he’ll get excited and want to hug you too

Goofy little Deucy TuT <3

10/10: I don’t make the rules around here. He’s the goodest man in this group (next to Jack ofc, we’ll get into that in a sec)

J. Howl

𝗟𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗡𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗛𝗖

Is conflicted between keeping up his routine, and helping you

Then again, it’s you…

He’s running to ramshackle as we speak 🥰

If it’s homework your having trouble with, it’s no problem! He’ll grab some pillows and stay up as long as you need him to

If it’s the lack of sleep you’re struggling with.. I’m afraid he’s not very skilled in the matter

Will definitely do some research for you though. He’s dedicated to keeping you healthy and cared for despite your heavy workload.

Almost ends up being your pillow ( and Ik u know what pillows I’m talking abt🤭)

On the weekends, he’s less strict about his schedule. After he had gotten rid of his lone wolf attitude, he almost found it difficult to not stay up and goof with his buddies :)

You are no exception to this. He’s definitely more lax and is more likely to goof off with you as the evening gets later and later 😌

Will watch movies and shows from your world like Up, Over the Garden Wall, etc.

Definitely cries when carls wife dies. Firmly denies that ever happening to this day.

Is still a provider, so if you’re in need, he’ll help!

Getting cold? Gives you his biggest, warmest jacket (that you DEF didn’t steal from him :))

Getting bored? Let’s switch the channel. How about a bit of video games?

Feeling hungry? Is unboxing the brownie mix that was hidden behind the pounds of protein powder he keeps in ramshackle. Even then, he insists on doing the work for you. He wants you to be as comfortable as physically possible <3

As you chew on your freshly baked brownies, Jack is definitely contemplating how much space he has in his schedule to do this again

But when you lean into his collarbone and tell him he’s beautiful, he kind of just…reboots.

He’s definitely making more time for these sleepovers.

Nighty night Jack 😁

———————————

𝗦𝗹𝗲𝗲𝗽𝘆 𝗛𝗖

Don’t even get me started

I know he sleeps in only shorts cause it’s hot af in savanaclaw 😔

That being said, when he goes to ramshackle, he’s your own personal heater.

No need for a generator ☺️ you alr got one purring next to u (or snoozing? He’s not a cat…..but he sure acts like one when he’s tired)

Is against the idea of sleeping in his wolf form until you asked him.

The first time he did it, he was deep in the crush department with you, so how could he say no when you asked to nicely??He reluctantly transformed, and in came you, flooding into his soft fur. In jacks brain, he could keep his wolf form up until the next morning. No biggie !!

That was a lie

The next morning you were cuddling into this man’s deliciously defined Hawaiian bread style 6 pack

(Can’t even control yourself when ur asleep prefect 🤨??)

Thought he committed a sin or something

He just got tired and couldn’t keep his magic up long enough to stay fluffy 💔

Pls reassure him that it’s not his fault, tell him u had a nice nap, he’ll get over his mortification soon enough.

And that’s how me and ur father met 😄!!

All jokes aside, he’s for sure very affectionate with you when drowsy

As a beastman, he has a lot of siblings, and with younger siblings comes the hugs, and the bedtime stories, and sweet kisses goodnight!

Well he’s gotten so used to doing it for his siblings, that he’s gotten into the habit of doing the same to you :)

He’s overall a very caring lover when it comes time to sleep

He’s holding you, whispering affirmations into your ear, rubbing that one sore spot on your back

How’d you hit the jack-pot ?? (Pun intended)

Don’t feel like you have to repay him for the back rubs and hugs though, to him you’ve repaid enough !

Every hug, kiss, and smile you send his way has his tail wagging so hard he starts flying.

Also denies that, but whether or not he admits it is no concern of yours.

Overall you guys are just over here chilling

8/10 : 2 points off because he probably smells like protein powder…

E. Felmier

𝗟𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗡𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗛𝗖

He is a grown ass kid acting like he’s 13

YEA he’s still a man…now stfu and lets sing California Girls 😡

So yea

He ISSSS technically breaking Vils bedtime regimen, but he can’t really be punished if he’s over at ramshackle 😄

Was and probably is still an avid Avril Lavigne fan, so expect to have yet another night of rest griped from u as you wordlessly mumble the lyrics to Sk8er Boi with a hyper Epel and a hair comb microphone :)

He rlly wanted to be her skater boy..

Anyhow, makes you go through the battle that is his skin care routine (bc rook would snitch in the shadows if he didn’t 🤨)

And you (un) surprisingly…enjoyed it?

😟

…

You must be a strong soldier…

Epel salutes to you

Other then the impromptu concert in the middle of the night, he’s pretty chill when he’s staying up.

Grim is kind of regretting giving you his consent to date Epel-

He’s probably wearing the ugliest set of pjs you’ve ever seen

He brought dad joke T-Shirts into a silk and satin pj fight 🙄

You and vil are perplexed at how he snuck out without the fine ass jamies Vil bought him.

Ig being in the dorm with the hottest dorm leader will do something to you 😔 (sorry, I’m projecting )

Will try and bake for you to show how independent he is, and almost sets the house on fire for the second time this week

Will watch some analog horror to set the mood, and manz has lost his sense of sight, hearing, taste, touch & smell after the shit he just watched 😟

Believe me!! He wants to be strong for you

Meanwhile you’re coming through his hair, calmly reassuring our wheat eating southern peach that no one’s under your bed that isn’t already grim or the ghosts.

Going back to the pjs..

The ugliest thing I’ve ever seen

Probably had someone print his favorite meme onto a shirt he never washes 😭

Or on the off chance, he may or may not be wearing matching onesies w/ you out of his own free will

In that case, cherish the moment while it lasts, cause it won’t ever get this good again ☺️

———————————

𝗦𝗹𝗲𝗲𝗽𝘆 𝗛𝗖

Snores loud af

Is a blanket hogger, so if you’re planning to sleep together, you have a better chance at sleeping in a freezer than suffering the cold next to him ☺️

Is also a bed hogger, and not by choice 😔

He’s trying so hard, believe me. He loves cuddling (& is always big spoon, you have no say in the matter), but you are guaranteed to meet the floor in the morning

I swear he’s trying not to 😭

Other then that, he’s a real sweet hugger, and an even sweeter partner :)

He says he doesn’t like doing all that skin care or hair care stuff, but will proudly wash your hair and scrub your face because he likes seeing you well :)

Definitely likes to pamper you by doing the little things

Brings you home goods from his family farm as you guys just giggle abt silly things. Is telling the whole family tree of how the sleepover went :))

Sooner or later you’ll get a call (unbeknownst to Epel) inviting you to his family’s next gathering. That’s how you know they’re already planning the wedding 😭

You will both brush or braid each others hair. I don’t make the rules

He loves threading his hands through your hair. To him, it’s more intimate than a kiss could ever be (not saying they he doesn’t love them tho, pls don’t take his kiss privileges away)

Will, and ik it sounds crazy, jump on ur roof to look at the stars.

He knows that u both know it looks clique or a bit cringe, but the experience is sweet and something he’ll never forget

Remembers eating the baked goods he almost burnt with you, talking about whatever comes to mind. Is very fond of the memory :)

In the morning, he has you swear that everything that happened at ramshackle will not be heard by Vil or Rook

He’s just trying to survive y/n 😔

7/10: he’s better than ace, but he put you under a lot of pressure memorizing those Avril Lavigne lyrics

S. Zigvolt

𝗟𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗡𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗛𝗖

He doesn’t sleep

Is too busy dusting his malleus painting :)

Feeling like he also has dragon or bolt pj’s?

If not any of the two, he wears a traditional night gown

I see we’re getting studious up in here 🤨‼️

I imagine sebek being extremely embarrassed when you proposed a sleepover

He thinks it’s marriage y’all, give him a sec.

Sees you do sleepovers with the others and gets sad ):(

Now he’s the one inviting you

Is super giddy but doesn’t want to seem to excited

(I thought we were dating, what’s with the reactions bae 😟)

At first he finds it inappropriate to even sleep in the same bed, but like I said, he gets lonely man </3

So a minute later he’s staring at your rolled up side hoping you get the memo T_T

Ofc you do, and he can get the attention he deserves 💪☺️(yes white boy, yess!!)

Being half fae half human, he understands the idea of a sleepover, but not much of what to do in one, so you’re gonna have to lead this one y/n :/

While he’s bound by his own set of rules and limitations, he’s surprisingly open to trying out new things with you !

So here comes you, introducing him to the classic sob story movies from your world, making rainbow loom bracelets to pass the time while your homemade pizza is cooking

When you get over the whole Malleus fixation, he’s actually very domestic :)

Takes care of his room to make you as comfortable as possible.

Also a pamperer, but in the more reserved embarrassed way

Will cry while watching the Notebook

*Blows aesthetically into a lace handkerchief*

Rages at the Titanic

(S: There was room for both of them on that raft?!

y/n: yes- but that’s just how the story goes seb-

S:??!?!.@$! )

Has never touched a spatula in his life

All the cooking and baking is helped out tremendously by you

Enjoys it quite a bit! (Don’t let Lils find out, he’ll get depressed 😔)

Is tuckered out after all of the fun though

After dark, he turns into mush in your hands. Practically a cat from how he rubs his head and thumb over you

———————————

𝗦𝗹𝗲𝗲𝗽𝘆 𝗛𝗖

Is a stiff hugger in bed

He’s not the best in affection, but you best believe he’s trying his best 😭

Tbh, his cuddles are more protective than comfortable

I’m sure he’s caging you between the mattress to make sure you don’t get stolen or something 💔

He has good intentions tho, I swear ToT!!

Literally scrambles out of the bed when you twirl your fingers through his hair

Thought you were trying to mess with him, but the situation quickly comes to one of learning when you reveal your true intentions of the endearing act

Tries it for himself. Is infatuated with it.

He’s playing with your hair in the shower, when you study, when you need to fall asleep faster. He’s gotten addicted to the affection. That being said, he becomes shy, and a bit defiant once you start doing it. He’s too prideful to let you see this soft side of him (were you not cuddling to my side in the last paragraph seb 😔??)

You just have to rub a certain spot on his head to earn a blush. I’m telling you, cat behavior !!

He’ll sleep calmly, and ever so softly whispers a thank you into your ear.

We all know he’s a man of huge stature, so he’s practically cradling you into his chest

As he’s sleeping, you can make out some words from his sleep talking, as well as the soft and warm breaths he takes near the nape of your neck

Rub his back. He’s fast asleep.

Is rolling with joy at the affection he is receiving.

Will he tell you that? No, but at this point in time you fully understand what he’s feeling, so hess. not going to try to

The aftermath has you waking up on top of the green eyed boy (nice Sebek!), but your awoken by that Briar Valley Anthem (boy what)

Thank god it’s the weekend! He’s definitely not letting go of his grasp on you

As we speak, he’s glaring at his phone, alarm still blaring through the room.

(Soft seb supremacy whaaaat😭‼️‼️)

Anyways 9/10: point taken off because he has the Briar Vally anthem as his morning alarm 😭

☆*:.｡. .｡.:*☆*:.。.☆*:.｡. ☆*:.｡. ☆*:.｡. ☆*:.｡. ☆*:.｡.

A/N: Aaaah. As I’m posting this, it is 10:20, so don’t cancel me 😔

I’m hoping to make more of these, but seeing how long they took me to write, I’m not too sure if it’ll be consistent😅

And before some of you come after me, I’m sorry to all you Ace and Deuce fans out there,

ik I made theirs extremely short and brainrotted on the rest. Forgive me!!

If there are any grammar or spelling mistakes, or just things you think I should add, feel free to tell me :)

Have a wonderful day readers <3

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