#like. i need to stop everything. like a break from existing
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LETS TALK ABOUT REVISION
ready to rewrite your life?
i used to talk about revision while operating from different beliefs, however i thought it would be great to talk about it now as i get so many asks about the subject.
In actuality, revision is an illusionistic concept. Why is that? because time isn’t real. You are SO powerful that you are imagining a “past” for yourself on the fly, and can sift through “memories” in a matter of seconds. But because we only live in a now moment, those memories are only made real by your awareness. If you were to take your awareness of a certain moment in time, it would cease to exist, until you are to bring it back to life by again putting your awareness on it.
How revision works: I’m going to use the words “train of thought” instead of “past” as the past is really just a train of thought you believe to have happened, all you have is now. There are infinite realities out there, you shift every second to a slightly different one following every decision you make. Let’s say Julia broke up with her boyfriend, that circumstance is being imagined by her, she has a train of thoughts (from finding problems in the relationship, to breaking up with him) which practically tell her she broke up with him.
Although, there is another version of her with another set of thoughts/ “memories” of her and her boyfriend being in a loving relationship. If she regrets the “decision” of breaking up with her man, she needs to shift her SELF to the person with the train of thoughts that tell her she IS in a relationship with her boyfriend, and because imagination is reality, that’s what will folllow.
A lot of you may use revision for one reason or another, but the main reason that so many seek revision is because they either regret doing something or are in a shitty situation. And i’m going to tell you that revision is just like anything other manifestation meaning: creation is finished. Regret is not a real feeling, it is an imagined feeling, that you generate because you are so fooled by the delusion that decisions are final. Once you see that none of this is real and the past doesn’t matter, you will remove all the regret from your mind,
And i know how regret feels, before coming to terms with who i actually was, it was a feeling that ate me up inside, it’s a horrible feeling, but it is illusionistic, it is only there to solidify the illusion that events and the physical is solid. Which they aren’t.
Please do not be fooled, the past is changeable because there is no past. All you must do is shift to the now version of you that had the desired “past” you wanted. There are people who have revised deaths, diagnoses, fucked up things they did, there’s even a girl on my page sharing a success story about her regret of moving schools, so she simply shifted to a timeline where she never moved! And i have many more dms with successes too, someone who revised their grades when they were a few days away from a parent teacher meeting telling them to repeat the year, one who revised her breakup days before prom. if they can do that why can’t you “revise”? i don’t care what it is. It. Is. Changeable. And that’s because you are everything and You are changeable so ALL is changeable.
✰✰✰✰✰
Another piece of advice is not to look outward for advice. I’m going to give you links to the only revision posts i would recommend!(one two three four five six-probably so much more amazing material, but you don’t need it, stop with the need to over consume). But other than that, a lot of “manifestation coaches” have A LOT of limiting beliefs. For example: “you have to remember that manifestation can’t overrule the law of physics and time”, “changing the past isn’t possible, but you can change how you feel about it” ew…… anyway…..
YOU are god, not them. please do not let their limitations affect you. That’s like the biblical god going to cry in a corner because Moses doubted him. Why are you letting mere humans depict what you can and can’t do? You have the authority, total authority. Which is why i don’t want you to get rattled seeing these beliefs. But wouldn’t the person who has their revised be enjoying life, instead of looking for youtube posts like a junky needing a fix??
To revise all you must do is see beyond the illusion that this life is solid. See beyond the concept that time is set in stone and that time is linear. This circumstance isn’t real, use whatever techniques you like to live from the state of the person who is in the timeline you want to be in (I personally love revising the day using SATS, inducing the void state, visualising and rampages, recently loving robotic affirmations too!)
I hate using the word “delusional” because the only thing that is delusion here is you thinking you can’t do this, but you need to be so far removed from what was, live completely and 100% in your imagination, that’s the only real thing. “But salem, what if i’m living in my head and circumstances still take their course?” If you have to ask me that you aren’t 100% living in the imaginary. And that back and forth, that pathetic attempt at serving two masters is what has you “waiting”. You cannot serve two masters, you are either in your desired timeline, or you’re the loser dealing with circumstances you don’t want, it can never be the two, you have to pick which one you want more.
Also remember that you can never be given things you don’t already have: reality is totally mental, not 50% not 99% but 100% mental, if you still operate from the person who is regretting their life, you aren’t thinking from the state of being in the timeline you wanna be in. You have to know that you have it first, before it can reflect. It will only be hard when you say it is, failure is not a real concept, it’s being imagined by you, remember that. For some of you, your circumstances will slap you right in the face and that is not failure it’s feedback, showing you that you aren’t truly thinking from that version of you.
You are the only person in your way from instantly jumping to your desired timeline. Get rid of that deep belief in time. You are the only reason you have to wake up and deal with unfavourable circumstances again. YOU are the only one that can give it to yourself. And first you have to GIVE IT TO YOURSELF, try to make that make sense. The food is right there but you choose to starve because you are so fooled by the illusion there is no food at the table.
it’s already done, there’s nothing to regret, creation is finished, the second you wanted another outcome a reality was formed. THATS how powerful you are. You are there now.
Shifting to your desired timeline is instantaneous, it will materialise when you finally see there was nothing to do to get there in the first place.
I believe in you, so so so much
#salemlunaa#reality shifting#shiftblr#void state#loa#shifting#law of assumption#permashifting#success story#the void#void concept#revision#neville goddard#shifting timelines#shifting realities#pure consciousness#pure awareness#i am state#law of being#law of self#imagination is reality#non dualism#non duality#nondualism#nonduality#god consciousness#god state#manifestation#consciousness#quantum shifting
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Synopsis: Grimmjow is not a gentle person. He takes what he wants, with no warnings or kindness. You're his concubine, and when he comes for you, there's only one way it can go: hard, raw, and all about need rather than love.
But then there was this one night...
Warnings: 18+, fem!reader, smut, rough / unprotected sex, mentions of violence, Grimmjow being Grimmjow I guess, dom!Grimmjow, rough stuff.

When Grimmjow comes into his quarters, where he keeps you as his concubine, he does so without a warning. Sometimes he breaks down the door with force; other time, he slips in quietly, sneaking through the shadows. But no matter how he gets there, if he wants you, you have to give yourself to him.
Grimmjow doesn't know what it means to be gentle. He doesn't know how to be nice. He used to be a wild animal - a hunter, who lived to dominate everything in his path. He has no idea what intimacy is and he never touches you like this out of love and care.

Without hesitation, he turns you over. He rolls you over onto your stomach and lifts your hips. He wants you like this: on your knees, face down, back arched and like something to be taken.
His strong hands clench down on your waist and you hear his belt loosen. You inhale and position yourself under the touch of his hand. After that, he pushes inside you without a word. He grunts, but instinctively, not out of feeling. He moves hard and each thrust smacks into you, causing sounds that you are unable to control. You clutch the sheets, trying to hold onto something as your body lurches beneath him.
He never says your name. His grip tightens, finger digging into your skin, holding your firmly to keep you in place. His hips slam over and over, harsh and rentless. This is everything he knows. All he will ever know. The thought of looking at you, turning you over and being gentle does not exist for him. Perhaps never will. To him, this represents closeness. Not a connection or intimacy, just skin on skin.
He breathes with clenched teeth and a deep growl in his throat. His body shudders above you, and once he has finished, it's silent. He stays for a time, pressing down on your back, before pulling away. He gets dressed without saying a word and you only hear his belt click into place or the rustle of clothes until the door shuts.

One night, he comes to you again like he always does. It's late, the moon hanging high, the world quiet.
You're laying on your side, nearly drifting of to sleep when you feel it: the curtains moving, his footsteps, the weight of his presence pressing into the air. You remain silent and he says nothing, as he always does. But his hands find you without hesitation. One wraps around your waist, while the other hooks behind your thigh, pushing your body into the position he always wants. His body is already behind yours, heavy, warm and moving with the same driven rhythm as the countless nights before.
But something in you hurts tonight. Not from the way he touches you, but from the way he ignores you.
When his hand wanders down your back, you tilt your head and mutter, almost breathless: "W-wait...Grimmjow." The name feels strange on your tongue. It's too intimate and uncertain. He stiffens behind you and for the first time he hesitates. You reach back slowly, your palm feeling the heat of his abdomen, the curve of muscle beneat rough skin. He does not stop you, but he does not move either. "I...I want to see you this time," you murmur, barely audible but gentle and careful. Your fingertips trace up to his chest, resting there as soft as a single breath.
Under your touch, you can feel the tension. The misunderstanding. His head is slightly tilted and you can feel him trying to make sense of what you've just said. "See me?," he repeats, his voice rapsy and low, almost gravelly. You nod slowly, looking over your shoulder to capture his gaze. "Just...face me, please."
"Why?"
The question is not unkind. It is genuine. He doesn't understand. Not because he doesn't want to but because no one ever showed him there was more to this than taking. More than instinct, motion or heat. Nobody ever asked to really look at him.
You shift beneath him, heart racing in your chest while your hand is still resting on his. "Because i want to know you are here," you say, barely whispering. "Not only your body. You." The silence that follows is deep and his breath is shallow. His hands are still gripping your hips, but their pressure has softened.
He stays behind you, motionless. You worry what he'll say — perhaps he'll retreat, laugh, or completely dismiss your plea. However, after a lengthy, hesitant pause... His hands lift. He pulls back slowly. You lie there with your breath trapped. He then grabs for your shoulder. Not roughly. It's just enough to turn you. His gaze never leaves yours.
It's strange how he settles above you. Like another person learning to move in a skin that does not quite fit. You can feel his weight on you, his body pressing on yours differently this time. Less force. Increased presence.
You don't exchange words. This time, though, it's not as harsh or deep when he enters you. He is paying attention. He's still him, with his passion, domination, and Grimmjow, but he's making an effort now. For you. And you understand for the first time that he is capable of learning. He simply had no prior knowledge of anything worthwhile.
He is now above you. Not behind you, putting pressure on you as if you were something to conquer. The change is subtle, but it makes your heart pound harder than anything he’s ever done before.

Grimmjow's hands rest on either side of your head, his arms tight and uneasy. His attention flickers down and back to your face, as if he's unsure where to look. The weight of him remains powerful, solid, and familiar, but the manner he holds himself has changed. Not from dominance, but from hesitation. He had never done this before.
When he sees you, he is unsure what to do. When he pushes in again, the movement slows. He’s less sure. Like he's testing your reaction, trying to figure out what's different - why this feels differently when it's the same body and heat?
Then he sees it. Your breath catches. The way your lips separate. The way your fingertips push against his arms. The flash in your eyes that didn't exist before. He's used to your body reacting to him; he's always known how to drag out sound and make your thighs shake. But this is something different. This is for you. And he realizes it when you murmur his name again, this time quieter, reaching rather than pleading. You feel as if you're with him rather than just feeling him. You want him to stay in this moment, not just in your body, but also in your gaze and in your hands.
"Grimmjow,” you gasp as his hips begin to move slowly and deeply once more, and your fingers tighten around his arms. Your moans almost startle him, making him stiffen as if he's done something wrong. However, he notices when your eyes dart and you emit the tiniest, broken groan: The joy he brought. Not by coercion. Not instinctively, but with work. Now he keeps a careful eye on you. It's close enough to see your lashes quiver, the flush rising up your neck, and the way your legs move to attempt to entice him in.
He stiffens, almost startled by your voice like he’s done something wrong. But then your eyes flutter, and you let out the smallest, broken moan — and he sees it: The pleasure he caused.
Now he keeps a careful eye on you. It's close enough to see your lashes quiver, the flush rising up your neck, and the way your legs move to attempt to pull him in. His jaw clenches and his breathing quickens, but he holds back. Not because you beg him to, but because your face shows him that it's worth holding back.
Your fingers are gripping his arms tightly now, nails digging against strong muscles as your body arches up to meet him. He growls low in his chest, deep, and the sound resonates within you. Every inch of you is alive and tightening, and the pleasure builds so quickly that you don't even try to resist it. And he can feel it: your walls clench and pulse around him. You are milking him, and he knows it. He feels it.
Your voice rises and every muscle in your body tightens like a bowstring poised to shatter. You cling to him, legs tightening around his waist, as the stars behind your eyes begin to grow.
You cough out something between a sob and a cry, your body quivering with ecstasy. He thrusts once…twice…then buries himself in deep, pinning you down while his own pleasure flows through him.
His weight still rests on you. His breathing is ragged, and his chest rises and falls above yours. You're still clenching softly around him, jerking in the aftermath.
Then, in one silent motion, he draws away. You softly gasp at the emptiness and your body aches. It is still open and yearning. The shock of it, the abrupt cold, strikes you all at once. You reach out impulsively, palms quivering, and wrap your fingers around his wrist. Your voice is tiny and hoarse: "Please… stay."
There’s something unreadable in his expression. A storm lurking beneath the surface. Or is it confusion…discomfort? Perhaps even fear, not of you, but of what he just felt? His voice is quiet. Clipped. "Don't." That's it. There is one word. Almost like a warning. You refuse to let go and even if they shake, your fingers remain curled around him. You try it again, softer this time, your voice cracking: "I don't want to be alone."
He releases his wrist. He never intended to get into this situation.
He stands, his expression hardening back into the blank mask you are used to. He's not looking at you. He grabs his clothing without speaking and begins tugging them on piece by piece. You slowly sit up, the throbbing between your legs sharper now that he is not there to warm you. Your hands are resting on your lap, unsure what to do. You want to say anything else…anything…but the space between you is already closing.
He glanced back just before he leaves and you have a fleeting hope that he would change his mind but he can only give you this: “You will be fine.”
Then he is gone. The curtains rustle. The cold sets in. And you are alone. Still shaky. Still aching. Still striving for something that was nearly there. But not exactly. Not yet.
#anime#anime and manga#anime blog#hunter x hunter#jujutsu kaisen#my hero academia#anime edit#attack on titan#bleach#demon slayer#grimmjow jaegerjaquez#bleach grimmjow#grimmjow smut#grimmjow x reader#anime x reader#x reader#headcanons#oneshot#smut#bleach smut#jjk smut#animecore#sosuke aizen#ulquiorra shiffer#nnoitra gilga#ichigo kurosaki#manga panel#fanfic#anime fanfic#grimmjow x you
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NON-DUALISM
•The world is inside you•
Non-dualism isn’t a belief system. It’s not a method or a technique. It’s the clean recognition that there is no separation between you and the world you see. Not metaphorically. Literally. There is only one thing happening: awareness aware of itself. Everything else—the body, the thoughts, the room, the people—is a projection inside that awareness. You’re not in the world. The world is in you. And once that clicks, the entire structure of effort collapses.
Here’s the shift: you are not the thinker. You are the field in which thoughts appear. You are not the body. You are the field in which sensation is noticed. You are not a character trying to fix her life. You are the awareness in which the entire story plays. Think of it like this: when you dream at night, everything feels real—people, places, conversations. But the moment you wake up, you realize it was all happening in your own mind. Non-dualism is waking up to that fact right now while awake. The difference? You don’t leave the dream. You just stop being fooled by it.
A simple example: imagine you leave your phone in your room. You walk out. You no longer see it. So why does the phone still "exist" for you? Because you know it’s there. That knowing is what keeps it alive in your dream. If you completely dropped the idea—if you truly stopped including "phone" in your awareness—then in your dream, there would be no phone. That’s how reality works. Not because the world is made of objects, but because it's made of awareness knowing.
Non-duality breaks the illusion of cause and effect. The world doesn’t happen to you. It doesn’t respond to what you do. It reflects who you are being. You think you’re seeing an outside world, but you're seeing identity projected back at you. If you walk around as the one who lacks, the dream will give you a world that matches. But if you return to the clean awareness that doesn't lack, that already knows the thing is done, the world shifts instantly—because it was never separate from you to begin with.
This is why you can manifest without effort. Because the world isn’t being changed. It’s being re-known. The version of you where the desire is already fulfilled doesn’t need to be built or attracted. It already exists. You just stop being the version who thinks she isn’t there yet. That’s the core of non-duality: there is no distance between you and the thing. Only the illusion that there is. And when that illusion drops, the dream can only reflect what you already know.
So the next time you ask, “How do I manifest this?”—pause. Ask instead: “Who is asking?” Is it the one who lacks? Or is it the field of awareness that already contains it all? When you stop answering as the character, and let the knowing speak instead, you won’t need to chase anything. You’ll see that the thing you wanted was never outside you. It was never separate. It was only ever waiting for you to stop pretending it was missing.
♡♡♡
#loa tumblr#loassumption#reality shifting#shiftblr#shifting blog#desired reality#law of manifestation#loa blog#loablr#loassblog#neville goddard#self concept#affirmdaily#affirming loa#affirm and persist#affirmations
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oh to do vent art... if only
#if i do it i make fun of myself#if i do it its not gonna be decayed by mushrooms or grown over by plants or even visceral gore really#its just#bits and pieces#shapes#like im sure it stems from disassociation but my representation {idfk how to describe imp} came from dysphoria#its an orange circle head with green hair a black hoodie black shorts tall striped socks and boots#and the special part about it besides the eyebags and mouth with two fangs as the only elements of a face#is that it can take off {?} body parts#like oh my pain is going on? {forgot imp wasnt solely from dysphoria lol} not there anymore! gone! no more hip!#like i think its just stabbing at my paper and fucking up my mechanical pencils by dragging them in the paper in a way that theyre unusable#idk#im constantly stressed i think and just need to stop#like. i need to stop everything. like a break from existing#and that might be from perceiving myself as more of a movie camera than a person#sorry for all this#uh#vent#i suppose#idk i feel stupid#anyway#imps bs#mae borowski really got the shapes but its not a one-for-one for me but it helped#fuck#i should shut up#sorry#i dont even feel 'in a dark place' im just. here. everything is too much yet too little and i want to talk about it but don't know how#ugh
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i was gonna say "i shouldn't have to go to work when my brain feels like a depression slushie" and then i was like "wait but then i'd basically never ever go to work" and i'm actually doubling down on the first part now bc my god how am i supposed to heal my brain from burning out 5 years ago if i can never get an actual break
#//juri speaks#i also at this moment: do not know if i have health insurance anymore / if i will be able to get insurance#if i can't get insurance i will not be able to take classes this fall#if i can't take classes my loan repayments will kick in immediately#i already don't have enough money for anything and i certainly don't have a spare $150 a month for the government#at any rate i need to submit my tuition waiver Soon but i can't until i know if i can get into the second class#so i have to wait for the prof or my advisor to get back to me#all the while a funeral day draws nearer#and then AT work i still feel like my position doesn't need to exist#but i desperately need it to exist because i need the money#and this big mchuge data migration project we were SUPPOSED to have had done in JUNE is being pushed to the absolute last minute#not by us but by the folks in control of the software we're moving to#so we're not going to have any safety margins with the old software#it's going to be GONE and dead and unlicensed while we're trying to learn the new shit#and i'm going to have to deal with the other branch cataloger trying to do everything for us which Won't Help#and i need!!!!!! a break!!!!!!!!!! from everything!!!!!#i need the world to stop and i need to go sit in the desert for like 6 months#instead best i can do is go buy the new taz gn for a little crumb of escape. maybe a little coffee drink while i'm there#even though i've been hitting sugar hard lately and really do not have the funds to buy more clothes if i gain a few more lbs#and can't afford a walking pad/treadmill and don't want to go outside bc it is a billion degrees all day every day rn#uuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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Heated Waters

synopsis: being married is hard, being married without seeing each other is even harder.
⚝ content: Hiromi Higuruma x F! Reader, nsfw, bathtub sex, fingering, Hiromi neglects his wife, but boy does he make up for it
⚝ wc: 1.9k
“Yeah we do it pretty much every day.”
Satoru said, taking a leisurely sip of his water. His pale face alight with mischief, a shit-eating grin across his lips. His three coworkers stared at him in (jealousy) disbelief.
Suguru was the first to break the silence, wanting to save face “Everyday is a bit much, isn’t it, Satoru?”
Satoru chuckled, his blue eyes glinting with amusement as he watched his friend squirm. "What about you guys? How often do our married friends get it in?" His gaze flickered to Nanami, who cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses, his eyes fixed on the steam rising from his coffee cup.
“Twice a week, I suppose…”
Satoru's smile widened, clearly entertained by the responses he was drawing out. He then turned his attention to the oldest among them, Hiromi Higuruma, who was carefully straightening his tie, a subtle attempt to avoid eye contact.
“What about you, Higuruma?”
“Your wife, (Y/N) is a little younger than you, right? C’mon Higuruma-San…She a total freak?” Satoru teased.
Hiromi's jaw tightened, a flicker of irritation crossing his features as his grip on his coffee cup tightened. He took a slow, measured breath, his voice strained but controlled when he finally spoke.
“Please don’t talk about my wife like that.”
But Satoru, ever the instigator, didn’t back down. “It’s just us guys riiggght? And I can’t lie Higuruma, you’re one lucky guy. (Y/N) is a catch.”
Nanami nodded in agreement, as did Suguru, though both seemed to sense the discomfort growing in Hiromi. The older man could only sigh, his shoulders sagging under the weight of the conversation.
It was true—you were everything he could have ever wanted in a partner. Beautiful, intelligent, kind-hearted—his perfect match. If heaven existed, Hiromi was certain you’d be the only one worthy of it.
But long nights in the office, and early mornings preparing for court would take a toll on any relationship. The truth was… Hiromi hadn’t touched you in over a month. By the time he came home—you were fast asleep, and weekends were spent running the mountain of errands you couldn’t get to during the week. You loved each other of course, but it was hard. A month without feeling the warmth of your husband's hands all over your skin was starting to weigh heavily on both of you.
“You don’t have to answer Higuruma-san..” Nanami chimed in, sensing his elder colleague’s discomfort.
“Over a month.” Hiromi exhaled, the truth slipping out before he could stop it.
The room fell silent, the weight of his words sinking in.
“WHAT?” Gojo audibly gasps. “Your wife looks like THAT and you haven’t f—”
Suguru swiftly cut him off with a well-placed elbow to the chest. “Satoru… leave Higuruma alone.” The long-haired male warns. “Still, that is surprising.”
“I know I know..” Higuruma pinches his bridge. He wanted nothing more than to have his wife under him… on top of him. But the endless stream of work kept him trapped in a cycle of exhaustion. “I’ve been so busy I can’t even remember the last time I actually spoke to her properly.”
Suguru offered an apologetic smile. “Sounds like you need a break.”
“Sounds like you need some puss—” Nanami quickly elbowed Satoru in the chest before he could finish his sentence.
Hiromi shook his head, letting out a dry chuckle as he ran a hand through his dark locks, clearly frustrated with himself. “I appreciate your concern, guys, but I don’t see how I can take a break right now. I have so much work to do, and I’m the only one who knows how to handle all of it.”
“Higuruma-San. Satoru will take care of the paperwork for you.” Nanami suggested with a deadpan expression.
“HUH?” Satoru blurted out, clearly caught off guard by the sudden assignment.
“Yeah,” Nanami continued, ignoring Satoru’s protest. “It’s not like he actually does any work around here anyway.”
Suguru smirked, nodding in agreement. “That’s true. You might as well make yourself useful, Satoru.”
Before Hiromi could protest, the trio moved in unison—Suguru grabbing Hiromi’s briefcase, Nanami steering him toward the door, and Satoru sighing dramatically as he resigned himself to the task.
“Are… are you boys sure about this? I don’t want to burden you–”
“Nonsense! Go home and take care of your wife!”
Hiromi placed his briefcase by the door, his tie feeling suddenly too tight around his neck. He loosened it with a sigh, running a hand through his hair as he glanced around. The familiar scent of home greeted him. It was comforting yet bittersweet, a reminder of all the moments he had missed. The living room was tidy, the soft hum of the dishwasher running in the kitchen. You had clearly been busy, taking care of the house as you always did, even when he wasn’t around.
“Honey?” Hiromi calls out to you, his voice echoing slightly in the stillness.
Frowning, he shrugged off his jacket and draped it over the back of a chair before making his way down the hall. As he approached the bathroom, he noticed a faint light seeping out from under the door, accompanied by the sound of water gently lapping against the tub.
He hesitated for a moment, then slowly opened the door.
The sight that greeted him made his breath catch in his throat. There you were, reclining in the bathtub, your eyes closed, head resting on the edge as steam rose around you. The soft glow of candles illuminated the room, casting a warm, serene light over your features.
You looked so peaceful, so beautiful—that it almost hurt to look at you. The tension in his shoulders eased slightly as he took in the sight, but the guilt and longing only deepened. How long had it been since he’d taken the time to appreciate you like this? Since he’d been able to just… be with you?
You opened your eyes, gaze meeting your husband as he leaned against the door frame.
“Hiromi?” you murmured, your voice soft, almost questioning, as if unsure whether he was really there or just a figment of your imagination.
“Hey Honey…” his voice equally soft, as he took a tentative step closer. The warmth of the room seemed to wrap around him, melting away some of the day’s stress.
“You’re home early.” You muse, looking at him as you rested your arms on the tub. He doesn’t respond, just walks towards you with purposeful steps.
Hiromi stares down at you with half-lidded eyes.“The guys decided I need a break.” He paused, his breath hitching slightly as he continued, “Can I join you?” A playful smirk tugged at the corner of your lips.
“Only if you take off your clothes this time.”
A dry chuckle escaped his lips as he unbuttons his dress shirt, letting each article of clothing fall to the tile floor. As he finally sheds his boxers before settling behind you. You exhaled softly, the tension you’d been holding onto for weeks dissipating as you sank into your husband’s embrace.
Hiromi didn’t waste a moment, his lips finding the sensitive skin of your neck, placing lazy, lingering kisses along the curve where your shoulder met your throat. His breath was warm against your skin, his kisses slow and unhurried, as if savoring every second, every inch of you.
His hands weren’t idle either, tracing gentle patterns along your stomach, moving upwards to cup your breasts with a tenderness that made your breath hitch. He nipped lightly at your earlobe, his voice a husky murmur, “I’ve missed you… more than you know.”
“Missed you too ‘Romi..” Your voice trembling as the almost foreign heat began to pool in your core.
Deft fingers teased your nipples, rolling and pinching—eliciting a soft moan from your lips as your body arched into his touch. Your hand reached back, tangling in his dark locks, pulling him closer as his lips traveled down to your shoulder, his other hand snaking under the water to your aching cunt.
“ahhhh… s-shitt..” You cry out as Hiromi’s fingers slowly circle your swollen bud. His touch light, teasing.
“Thirty-two days… I’m so sorry m’love.” He mumbles into your shoulder as he slips a slender digit into your entrance. Your walls flutter immediately around the intrusion, as he gently pumped into you.
He adds another finger, curling up to the spot he had neglected all those weeks. He extended his thumb to rub your clit. You arch your back against him, feeling his cock twitch against your ass.
“Hiro…” you moan, reaching behind for him, but he bites down lightly on your shoulder.
“Not yet, pretty girl, want you t’cum first okay?”
He whispers as he feels your gummy walls clench around him.
He speeds up his ministrations, digits stuffing your cunt as your pussy throbs and squelches. Your whimpers echo around the tiled walls, water lapping around your bodies.
You feel the pressure building as each thrust of his long fingers brush against your g-spot.
“g-gonna cum!”
“Cum f’me sweetheart please—god… need it so bad.” Hiromi mumbles as he pumps even faster.
“a-ahh!” you cry as you reach your high, walls clenching as you cum on your husband’s hand. He removes his fingers from you, moving to gently circle your clit as you come down from your orgasm.
You both stay there for a moment, your heavy breathing the only sound occupying the space, mingling with the gentle slosh of water against the porcelain tub. Hiromi’s arms wrapped securely around your waist, pulling you closer.
Slowly, he lifted you, the warm water swirling around you both as he maneuvered you to face him, settling you on his lap. Your legs instinctively wrapped around his waist, your knees pressing against the cool sides of the tub.
You straddled Hiromi, your bodies now fully aligned, chest to chest. Your husband's dark, half-lidded eyes bore into yours, his expression a mixture of raw need and unspoken tenderness. He let his hands rest on your waist for a moment, thumbs tracing gentle circles against your damp skin as he took in the sight of you.
“I don’t know how I’ve stayed away from you for so long…” his voice breaking slightly as if the admission pained him.
Your breath hitched as you shifted slightly in his lap, feeling the tension between you intensify. Hiromi’s hands slid up your sides, his touch deliberate and slow, leaving a trail of heat in their wake as his lips finally found yours. The kiss was deep, full of hunger that had been simmering between you both for far too long.
His grip on your waist tightened as he deepened the kiss, his tongue sliding against yours in a dance that left you dizzy with need.
Breaking the kiss, Hiromi leaned his forehead against yours, his breath coming in shallow gasps.
“I won’t make that mistake again.”
Without a word, he rose from the tub, lifting you effortlessly into his arms. Water cascaded down your bodies, pooling at your feet as he carried you toward the bedroom, his lips trailing wet kisses down the side of your neck.
He laid you gently onto the bed, your back sinking into the soft silken sheets, but Hiromi didn’t waste any time. His gaze darkening as he climbed over you, his body hovering just above yours, his eyes drinking you in like a man starved.
“I’m going to make up for every second I’ve missed.”
#kbwrites#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanfic#jjk x reader#higuruma hiromi#higuruma x reader#higuruma smut#jjk smut#jjk higuruma#hiromi x reader#hiromi x y/n
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psh - king of tears.

Chaebol Husband!Sunghoon | Queen of Tears AU FULL FIC
📌 summary: your marriage to park sunghoon was supposed to be a fairytale—until it wasn’t. now it’s cold stares across the dinner table, separate bedrooms in a mansion too big for the both of you, and divorce papers waiting to be signed. you were ready to walk away. he let you. so why does he look at you like he’s the one who lost everything?
word count: 20K genre: angst | slow burn | second chance romance | marriage in crisis | Queen of Tears AU | SMUT ANGST FLUFF (in that order) content warnings (explicit, minors dni!): a marriage falling apart but neither of you can let go, divorce papers as a weapon but neither of you sign them first, staring at an empty side of the bed and pretending it doesn’t hurt, pregnancy, watching him struggle alone but being too proud to help, , high society pressure, and pretending everything is fine when it’s not, angst-heavy sex (sex while crying, sex while angry, sex while pretending it doesn’t mean anything) "we’re supposed to be over, so why are you still fucking me like you love me?" breathless, mentions of a miscarriage, desperate sunghoon (bc when he breaks, he breaks) sunghoon is sick, weak, exhausted—but still strong enough to pin you down "i don’t love you anymore." // "then stop moaning my name.", luxury penthouse sex but it’s tragic, a hand around your throat but it’s not just about control—it’s about possession, he fucks you like he’s trying to remind you who you belong to, aftercare that isn’t really aftercare bc he still won’t say he loves you,
The room is filled with laughter, delicate clinks of fine china and crystal flutes, and the low hum of a jazz quartet playing something elegant and forgettable in the background. The city’s elite have gathered here tonight—not just business moguls, but socialites, investors, and politicians, all dressed in designer labels, all engaged in carefully curated conversations.
The air is thick with power and wealth, a reminder of the world you and Sunghoon exist in. A world where appearances matter more than emotions, where a marriage is not just about love, but about status, about alliances.
You’re used to this now—the expectations, the smiles, the weight of scrutiny disguised as admiration. You’ve mastered the art of being Park Sunghoon’s wife.
Sunghoon stands beside you, dressed in a sleek black suit, looking every bit the composed, untouchable CEO that people admire and envy in equal measure. His features are as sharp as ever, but there’s something distant in his gaze, something almost clinical in the way his hand rests lightly against the small of your back.
To an outsider, it’s a gesture of affection. A claim. A reminder that you belong to each other.
To you, it’s just for show.
"Smile."
His voice is low, quiet enough that no one else hears. It’s not a request. It’s a command.
Your lips curl into something effortless, something practiced. It’s not real, but it doesn’t need to be.
"Ah, our favorite couple has arrived," a familiar voice calls from across the room.
Turning toward the source, you’re met with the warm but calculating gaze of Chairman Park, Sunghoon’s father. His mother stands beside him, dressed immaculately as always, a refined smile on her lips.
"We were wondering when you two would make your grand entrance," she says smoothly, reaching out to take your hands in hers.
Her grip is light, delicate. Deceptive.
"You look beautiful, dear," she adds, her sharp eyes scanning you from head to toe.
You already know she’s assessing. Cataloging. Comparing you to the polished, obedient daughter-in-law she expected you to be.
Sunghoon’s father, however, has other interests.
"You’re glowing tonight," Chairman Park remarks, taking a sip of his whiskey. His eyes crinkle slightly at the edges. "It must be a sign that we’ll be hearing good news soon."
You barely have time to process his words before another voice chimes in—one of Sunghoon’s aunts, a woman who has made it her life’s mission to interrogate you at every family gathering.
"Yes, yes!" she gushes, already leaning in as if she’s about to hear a confession. "It’s been what? three years since the wedding? We were just saying the other day how we still haven’t heard any news!"
There it is. The question that always comes, in one form or another.
The polite, well-mannered, socially acceptable way of asking: Why haven’t you given him a child yet?
You see it before you hear it—the way Sunghoon’s fingers tighten around his champagne flute, the subtle twitch in his jaw. But he doesn’t say anything.
Of course, he doesn’t.
So you do what you always do. You smile. You deflect. You play your part.
"Work keeps us busy," you say smoothly, taking a slow sip of champagne. "There’s still so much we want to accomplish first."
The aunt clicks her tongue, shaking her head. "Ah, but what’s all this success without a family to share it with?"
You feel it then—the weight of your in-laws’ eyes on you, the expectation pressing against your ribs like an iron cage.
Sunghoon’s mother hums, a soft, carefully measured sound. "Children bring a different kind of happiness," she says, voice light but laced with meaning. "Of course, it’s ultimately your decision… but I do hope you aren’t waiting too long."
Another aunt leans in, faux sympathy dripping from her tone. "There aren’t any problems, are there?"
It’s a dagger cloaked in silk. The insinuation. The unspoken judgment.
You don’t have to look at Sunghoon to know he’s bristling beside you. You can feel the tension in his silence.
Still, he says nothing.
The moment stretches, uncomfortable and suffocating. And then—
A soft laugh. Controlled. Collected.
Sunghoon turns his head slightly, his expression unreadable as he finally speaks.
"We appreciate your concern," he says, voice smooth as glass. "But when we have something to share, you’ll be the first to know."
There’s nothing in his tone that suggests anger, but the way his mother’s lips press together ever so slightly tells you she’s caught the warning beneath his words.
The conversation shifts, flowing into another topic, but you no longer hear it. You’re still holding your champagne flute, fingers gripping the stem a little too tightly.
Sunghoon doesn’t look at you. Not even once.
The meal is extravagant, an elaborate showcase of wealth and refinement. Each course is served with meticulous precision, arriving in waves of delicate flavors and carefully plated masterpieces. Crystal glasses remain full, refilled before they ever have the chance to empty, while waitstaff glide through the room with the kind of quiet efficiency that only comes from years of training. Around you, conversation flows as smoothly as the wine, punctuated by occasional bursts of laughter from tables where people have had just enough to drink to let their guard down.
The atmosphere is lively, engaging. A room filled with the kind of people who measure success in numbers and influence rather than in anything tangible like love or happiness.
You and Sunghoon don’t speak.
It isn’t new.
It’s been months—maybe even longer—since you’ve had a real conversation. These events used to be something you faced together, an exhausting but necessary part of maintaining appearances in your world. There was a time when he would lean in close, whisper something wry against the shell of your ear just to make you laugh, his hand resting on your thigh beneath the table as a silent reminder that, no matter how long the evening stretched, you would leave together.
Now, his presence beside you feels like nothing more than habit. The weight of expectation.
To everyone else, you are still Park Sunghoon’s wife—flawless and poised, an extension of his success, the perfect image of a woman who belongs at his side. But to each other, you are barely anything at all.
You watch as he listens intently to the conversation at hand, nodding along as one of his board members drones on about upcoming market trends. His features remain unreadable, his fingers steady as he lifts his glass to his lips, sipping at his wine without a second thought. His ability to be present yet completely unreachable is something you once admired about him. Now, it’s something that drives you insane.
At some point during the meal, while the conversation has drifted toward a discussion on recent company acquisitions, a new voice cuts through the air.
"You remember Soojin, don’t you?"
It’s not a question so much as a strategic opening, delivered with the practiced ease of a woman who knows exactly what she’s doing.
You shift slightly, already knowing where this is going before you even turn your head. Sunghoon’s mother is smiling, her expression warm and pleasant in the way that only someone raised in high society can master. It is a look that has fooled many, but not you. You’ve spent too many years in her presence to mistake it for anything but a well-placed maneuver.
Her gaze flickers toward a table across the room, drawing your attention to the woman seated there. Soojin.
She is beautiful in the way that women in your world are expected to be—polished, refined, her makeup flawless, her hair styled to perfection. The kind of woman who commands attention without even trying.
The kind of woman Sunghoon’s mother would have preferred as her daughter-in-law.
"Her father’s company just finalized a deal with ours," she continues, lifting her glass to her lips. "It’s an impressive partnership."
You say nothing.
She doesn’t need you to.
"She’s always been such a sweet girl," she adds, her smile never faltering. "Smart. Beautiful. And her family is so well-connected."
The words are light, conversational, but the weight of them is suffocating.
She doesn’t say it outright, but the message is clear.
You are not the only option.
There are women who would make the perfect Mrs. Park—women who would be better suited for the role, who would know how to uphold the family name, who would understand the responsibilities that come with being married to someone like Sunghoon.
Women who would not have made the mistakes you did.
Your grip tightens around your fork.
You keep your expression neutral, refusing to react. You won’t give her the satisfaction. You won’t let her see that the words sting in a way they shouldn’t, that they burrow beneath your skin, scraping against wounds that never quite healed.
"I’m aware," Sunghoon says, finally setting his wine glass down with deliberate ease.
Two words. Nothing more.
His mother studies him for a moment, her expression unreadable. Then she smiles again, as if the moment never happened.
The conversation moves forward.
You exhale slowly, setting your glass down, your fingers still curled around the delicate stem. No reassurance. No defense. No effort to correct what was just implied.
I’m aware.
A bitter taste lingers on your tongue, but you swallow it down, lifting your chin slightly as you redirect your attention to the meal in front of you.
You already know how this night will end. The same way it always does. With silence.
-
The moment you step inside the penthouse, the carefully constructed facade of the evening begins to crumble. The sterile glow of the overhead lights does little to ease the weight pressing against your chest, the silence between you and Sunghoon thick with something sharp, something unsaid.
You hear the quiet rustle of fabric as he shrugs off his suit jacket, draping it over the arm of a chair before undoing the first few buttons of his dress shirt. His movements are methodical, controlled, as if he’s following a script that no longer holds any meaning.
You should keep walking. You should disappear into the bathroom, wash the night off your skin, lock yourself behind a door like you have so many nights before. But instead, you linger, fingers still curled around the strap of your bag, your gaze tracing the familiar lines of his back, the tension in his shoulders.
"You didn’t say anything."
The words leave your mouth before you can stop them. Your voice is quiet, but there’s an edge to it, a challenge buried beneath the exhaustion.
Sunghoon doesn’t turn. "About what?"
You exhale sharply, shaking your head. "About what?" you repeat, laughter bubbling up, bitter and humorless. "About your mother. About your aunts. About all of them sitting there, questioning me like I’m some failed investment."
A pause.
Then, finally, he glances over his shoulder. "What did you want me to say?"
The way he says it—steady, detached, devoid of any real curiosity—makes your stomach twist.
"Anything," you say, because that’s the truth of it. You just wanted something.
His lips press together briefly before he turns back toward the dresser, rolling up his sleeves. "It wouldn’t have changed anything."
And there it is.
That unbearable indifference.
The quiet, unshaken finality of a man who has already made peace with his own silence.
It shouldn’t feel like a slap to the face, but it does.
"You never fight for anything," you whisper, voice barely audible over the hum of the city outside.
He doesn’t say a word, but you can feel it—the way his gaze trails over your bare skin, the way his fingers twitch at his sides, like he’s holding himself back.
It only takes a step. One step forward, and everything snaps.
His hands are on you before you can think—gripping your waist, pulling you flush against him, the heat of his body bleeding into yours. His mouth crashes against yours, rough, unyielding, a kiss that isn’t sweet or tender, but desperate, punishing. You gasp against him, your fingers tangling in his hair, nails scraping against his scalp as he presses you back against the dresser.
"You always do this," he mutters against your lips, his breath hot, his voice sharp. "Come to me when you need to forget."
You don’t answer.
You don’t need to.
His hands slide up your thighs, pushing them apart with ease. He’s impatient, reckless, fingers slipping beneath the lace of your panties, dragging them down before you can protest. A sharp inhale leaves your lips as he presses two fingers against your clit, circling slow, teasing, just enough to make your hips jerk forward.
"Already wet," he muses, dragging his fingers through your slick folds. His tone is mocking, but his voice is hoarse, strained. "That desperate for me?"
You bite down on your lower lip, refusing to give him the satisfaction of a response. But your body betrays you, hips rolling against his hand, chasing the friction that he’s refusing to give.
Sunghoon chuckles, but there’s no humor in it. Just something bitter, something dark.
Without warning, he presses two fingers inside you, stretching you open with a slow, deliberate pace. Your breath hitches, nails digging into his shoulders as he curls his fingers, stroking the spot that makes your knees tremble.
"You can pretend all you want," he murmurs against your throat, his lips trailing down, teeth scraping against your skin. "But your body knows who it belongs to."
His free hand moves to your chest, fingers tweaking your nipple, rolling it between his fingers before his mouth replaces them, sucking and biting at the sensitive skin. You arch into him, a whimper slipping past your lips, your thighs tightening around his wrist.
"Sunghoon," you gasp, a plea or a warning—you’re not sure.
He pulls away, his fingers slipping from you, leaving you empty and aching. Before you can protest, he turns you around, pressing your front against the cool surface of the dresser, his body crowding you from behind. His hands roam your body, over the swell of your ass, down to your thighs, spreading them apart as he presses the hard length of his cock against your heat.
You exhale sharply as he grips your hips, dragging the tip of his cock through your folds, coating himself in your slick before pressing forward. The stretch is sharp, deep, and you gasp, gripping the edge of the dresser as he sinks into you, inch by inch, filling you completely.
"Fuck," he groans, his fingers tightening against your hips, like he’s barely holding himself together.
He gives you a second—just one—before he pulls back and thrusts into you again, setting a brutal, relentless pace. Each movement is rough, deliberate, the sound of skin against skin mixing with the soft, breathy moans slipping past your lips.
The dresser rattles beneath you, your body rocking with each thrust, and you can do nothing but take it, the pleasure sharp and consuming. Sunghoon grips your hair, pulling your head back as he leans in, his breath hot against your ear.
"Let them keep talking," he mutters, voice ragged, punctuated by the snap of his hips.
Your breath catches, your walls clenching around him at his words.
Sunghoon lets out a low groan, his thrusts growing deeper, sharper, his fingers moving back to your clit, rubbing slow, torturous circles. The tension coils tighter, your body burning, unraveling beneath him.
"Cum," he murmurs, his voice softer now, breathless.
And you do—pleasure washing over you in waves, your thighs shaking, your moan muffled as he presses a hand against your mouth, keeping you from making too much noise.
He follows soon after, his grip tightening, his cock pulsing inside you as he groans low against your shoulder, spilling into you with a shudder.
For a moment, there is only silence.
Then, just as expected, he pulls away.
Rolls onto his back.
Says nothing.
You stare at the reflection of yourself in the dresser mirror—flushed skin, swollen lips, empty eyes. You should leave. You should.
But you don’t.
Instead, you slip beneath the covers, curling away from him, pressing your knuckles against your mouth to keep yourself from shaking.
Because tonight, at least, you don’t want to feel alone.
-
The morning is quiet.
You wake up to an empty bed, the sheets beside you already cold. The absence of warmth shouldn’t bother you—it hasn’t in months—but today, it does. The ache in your body from the night before lingers, a dull, throbbing reminder of something you wish you could forget.
For a moment, you stay still, staring up at the ceiling, tracing the patterns of light and shadow that spill through the curtains. The penthouse is bathed in soft gold from the rising sun, a warmth that contrasts the cold emptiness beside you.
There was a time when mornings like these meant something. When you’d wake up tangled in Sunghoon’s limbs, his fingers absentmindedly tracing patterns along your back, his lips pressing lazy kisses against your shoulder. When the weight of his body against yours felt grounding instead of suffocating.
Now, there’s nothing but space.
You take a slow breath, blinking against the dryness in your eyes before finally sitting up. The silence is deafening, the type that only exists in places too large for two people who no longer belong to each other.
When you step out of bed, your legs feel unsteady, soreness creeping up your spine. You ignore it. You move toward the bathroom, turning on the sink, splashing cold water on your face as if it’ll rinse away the heaviness in your chest. It doesn’t.
Your reflection stares back at you, eyes slightly swollen, lips faintly bruised from the way he kissed you last night. You press your fingers against them, swallowing down the memory of his touch, of the way his hands had held you so tightly as if he could keep you from slipping away.
But he didn’t.
He never could.
By the time you make your way downstairs, the smell of freshly brewed coffee lingers in the air. The sight of Sunghoon sitting at the dining table shouldn’t make your stomach tighten the way it does. He looks like he always does—effortlessly composed, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, a steaming cup of coffee in one hand while his other scrolls through his phone.
Like nothing happened.
Like last night was just another night.
The illusion of normalcy almost makes you hesitate. Almost.
Instead, you step forward, setting the folder down on the glass surface of the table with a deliberate thud. The sound cuts through the silence, drawing Sunghoon’s attention as his eyes flicker up to meet yours.
He doesn’t speak, doesn’t react, just studies you for a moment before his gaze drifts downward to the document between you.
Divorce Agreement.
His fingers pause against the rim of his coffee cup.
"Where were you?," you say, your voice steady, carefully controlled.
"Work," he replies, taking a slow sip of his coffee.
You cross your arms, exhaling through your nose. "You knew this was coming." Your voice is measured, even, despite the tightness in your throat.
Sunghoon finally sets his mug down with a soft clink, his expression unreadable. "I did."
"Then sign them."
A long silence stretches between you. You hold your ground, standing tall, watching as he leans back slightly in his chair, his fingers idly tapping against the surface of the table. He doesn’t look at the papers, just at you.
"You really want this?"
The words are simple. Too simple.
You hate the way they make your stomach twist. Hate the way your throat tightens because this shouldn’t be hard. This shouldn’t be something that makes your hands curl into fists at your sides.
"Yes."
His lips press together briefly before he exhales through his nose. Without another word, he pulls the folder toward him, flipping it open, skimming the terms with the same impassive ease he applies to every contract he reviews at work.
For a second, your breath catches.
You almost expect him to argue, to fight, to say something—anything.
But he doesn’t.
Not when he turns the page. Not when his eyes flicker across the fine print. Not when he reaches for the pen beside him.
And then—
He stops.
His fingers hover over the paper, the tip of the pen barely touching the page. Then, instead of signing, he clicks the pen shut and sets it down.
The air in the room shifts. Your stomach twists.
"Not tonight." His voice is smooth, final.
You blink. "What?"
He leans back, crossing his arms over his chest, his expression completely unreadable. "I’ll think about it."
Something in your chest tightens, frustration curling in your throat. "Think about what?" You gesture to the papers between you. "This isn’t something that needs consideration, Sunghoon. This is happening. It’s already over."
His gaze darkens slightly, but his face remains composed. "Then why are you still here?"
Your breath catches.
Because you haven’t left yet. Because some part of you still needs this conversation. Because some part of you is waiting for him to say something that changes everything.
The silence stretches, heavy and unbearable. His fingers drum against the glass once, twice, before he reaches for his whiskey glass instead, taking a slow sip. His lips part slightly, as if he’s about to say something, but then he just shakes his head.
"You’ll have them back tomorrow."
But you already know—he won’t sign.
Not tomorrow. Not the next day. Maybe not ever.
-
Park Enterprises runs on three things: money, power, and the ability to avoid Park Sunghoon and his soon-to-be-ex-wife in the same room at all costs.
This isn’t an official company policy, but if you asked anyone—from the executives to the janitorial staff—they’d all agree: keeping their two highest-ranking officials away from each other is the best way to ensure the company doesn’t collapse in on itself.
This is why, over the past few months, a silent, unofficial, yet highly efficient system has developed.
It begins every morning.
6:45 AM: Sunghoon arrives, coffee in hand, barely glancing at the receptionist before disappearing into his office. If he sighs immediately upon entering? Bad day. If he slams his office door? Get the emergency evacuation plan ready. 7:15 AM: You arrive, headphones in, already on a call, looking like you’re mentally preparing for battle. If you greet anyone? Good day. If you walk straight to your office without making eye contact? Avoid, avoid, avoid. 7:30 AM: Your PA, Nishimura Riki, updates the "Safe Zones" list. Any floor occupied by both you and Sunghoon is immediately deemed a no-go area.
By 9 AM, the "Daily Avoidance Protocol" is in full effect.
Incoming text: 📲 [Riki → Legal Team] 🚨 Sunghoon spotted near the finance department. Legal team, take the back elevators. DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT TAKE THE MAIN LOBBY.
Incoming text: 📲 [Sunoo → Executive Team] 🛑 Your boss is stomping through the 18th floor like a woman on a mission. She just told an intern to "never, ever look that stressed in front of her again" and I don’t think she was joking.
Incoming text: 📲 [Riki → Sunoo] i heard ur boss threw his pen at the wall this morning lol wtf did u do to him
[Sunoo]: nothing yet but im about to stir the pot for fun.
[Riki]: bet.
And then, of course, there’s lunch.
There used to be a time—back when things were different, when things were better—when you and Sunghoon would eat together. Now?
Now, entire lunch routes are planned out in advance to make sure the two of you never end up in the same restaurant, let alone the same hallway.
Incoming text: 📲 [Sunoo → Riki] Depressed male boss is heading toward the rooftop restaurant. tell ur people to evacuate the 10th floor cafe IMMEDIATELY.
Incoming text: 📲 [Riki → Legal Team] 🚨 ABORT. ABORT. DO NOT GO TO THE CAFÉ. I REPEAT, DO NOT GO TO THE CAFÉ.
By 3 PM, most employees think they’ve made it through the day safely. Until they check the meeting schedule. And realize. There’s a joint executive-legal meeting scheduled at 4:30 PM. Which means.
They have to be in the same room.
-
The boardroom at Park Enterprises is a high-stakes battlefield.
The executives and legal team are already seated, carefully keeping their faces neutral, their eyes trained on the reports in front of them. No one dares to speak. Everyone is pretending to be busy, flipping through documents they’ve already memorized just to avoid being caught in the crossfire of what is about to happen.
At one end of the table, Sunoo twirls his pen lazily between his fingers, a small, knowing smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. Across from him, Riki updates the betting pool on his phone, typing at lightning speed while shooting occasional glances toward the door.
It’s only a matter of time before the two storm fronts collide.
The first arrival is you.
You stride in with effortless confidence, shoulders squared, back straight, file in hand. Your heels click sharply against the polished floors, announcing your presence before you even reach your seat.
You don’t acknowledge Sunghoon’s presence.
Your team watches as you settle into your chair, flipping open your folder with a level of precision that makes it very, very clear you are not in the mood for incompetence today.
Riki immediately clocks the stiffness in your posture. He subtly pulls out his phone under the table, fingers flying over the screen.
📲 Incoming text: [Riki → Legal Team] boss lady is MAD mad. don’t make eye contact, stay low, survive.
Barely thirty seconds later, Sunghoon walks in.
He doesn’t look at you.
Instead, he exhales sharply as he takes his seat, flipping open his laptop with measured ease, his expression unreadable. The sound of his pen clicking open is the only thing that breaks the silence.
he just sighed. that’s a bad sign. let’s all start praying now.
For the first ten minutes, everything is fine.
Reports are reviewed, revenue projections are discussed, and for a fleeting moment, there’s the illusion of normalcy. You make your points with cool efficiency, and Sunghoon listens without interruption.
"The merger contract," one of the executives finally says, carefully glancing between the two of you like he’s about to light a match in a room full of gasoline.
You don’t hesitate. You already know where this is going.
"The terms still require legal review," you state, flipping to the necessary section in your file. "The current liability clauses remain too vague for approval."
Sunghoon doesn’t even look up from his laptop. "The legal team has had two weeks to finalize those clauses."
Your brows lift slightly. "And yet, they’re still a problem. Imagine that."
The temperature in the room drops.
Sunoo, who had been casually taking notes, suddenly stops writing. His eyes flicker between you and Sunghoon, realization dawning.
Riki, seated to your right, visibly winces. His grip on his pen tightens before it slips from his fingers and rolls off the table.
Sunghoon finally looks up, his dark eyes meeting yours with quiet intensity. "You’re delaying a time-sensitive deal over minor details."
Your lips curl, the faintest hint of amusement playing at the edges. "Minor details? You mean, like, the ones that could potentially cost us millions in damages?"
His jaw tightens. "There’s a deadline for a reason."
"And there’s a reason you need my approval before proceeding," you counter, tone perfectly composed. "Which, let me remind you, you don’t have yet."
The silence that follows is deafening.
Sunoo leans back in his chair, murmuring to Riki under his breath. "They’re fighting in full sentences today."
Riki nods slowly, still typing. "This is worse than last week’s passive-aggressive email exchange."
Sunghoon exhales sharply, sitting back in his chair. His fingers drum once—just once—against the table before he speaks again.
"Fine," he says smoothly, but his tone is sharp. "Take another day. No more than that."
You hum thoughtfully, feigning consideration as you flip another page in your file. "I’ll let you know if that’s feasible."
Sunoo, who is now openly grinning, tilts his phone toward Riki.
📲 Incoming text: [Riki → Legal Team] the CEO looks like he wants to kill someone but is trying to stay professional. ten bucks says he slams his laptop shut first.
📲 Incoming text: [Sunoo → Executive Team] LMFAO he just clenched his jaw so hard I think he cracked a tooth.
-
Your heels click against the polished floor as you walk further in the penthouse, but you don’t call out for him. You don’t need to. You already know where he is.
The scent of whiskey lingers in the air—subtle, but unmistakable. Your eyes land on Park Sunghoon, sitting on the couch in the dim light of the living room, his posture relaxed, one arm draped over the back of the cushions, his other hand resting near the glass of amber liquid on the coffee table. His tie is loose, the first few buttons of his dress shirt undone, his sleeves rolled up as if he’s been here for a while, waiting.
But that isn’t what catches your attention.
The divorce papers sit between you on the glass surface.
Untouched.
Your throat tightens as something bitter and exhausted coils low in your stomach. You set your bag down near the door with more force than necessary, the sound sharp against the silence. You’re tired—of the fights, of the push and pull, of this thing between you that refuses to die no matter how much you try to smother it.
"You haven’t signed them." Your voice is level, controlled, giving away nothing. But inside, your pulse is unsteady, your fingers curling into fists at your sides.
Sunghoon doesn’t answer right away. Instead, he reaches for his whiskey, taking a slow sip, his movements measured, deliberate. When he sets the glass back down, the faint clink against the glass table feels deafening in the quiet room. His gaze lifts to yours, dark and unreadable, his expression betraying nothing.
"No."
The single word lands between you like a gunshot.
Your fingers twitch at your sides, nails pressing into your palms as frustration flares up in your chest. "Sunghoon—"
"Say it."
His voice is quiet, but the weight of it cuts through the space between you with an edge sharper than steel.
You frown slightly, tilting your head in question. "Say what?"
His eyes remain steady on yours, holding you there, unrelenting. There’s no coldness in them, not like there usually is, but something deeper, heavier, more dangerous.
"Say you don’t love me anymore."
The air in the room thickens, growing heavy with something suffocating, unbearable.
It should be easy.
You should be able to say it, to lie through your teeth and tear the last fraying thread between you. You’ve spent months trying to unlove him, convincing yourself that walking away is the only choice left.
But the way he’s looking at you now—the way his fingers ghost over the edge of the divorce papers but never actually touch them—it makes something sink deep in your chest, twisting into something that feels like regret.
Your jaw tightens, shoulders drawing stiff, as you inhale slowly through your nose. "Don’t do this," you murmur, voice quieter now.
Sunghoon leans forward slightly, resting his forearms on his knees, the corner of his mouth curling into something resembling a smirk, but there’s no amusement behind it. "Do what?"
Your pulse hammers against your ribs as anger rises in your throat, sharp and bitter. "Pretend to care when you never did."
Something snaps.
Fast. Brutal.
Before you can react, you’re on the couch, pinned beneath him, Sunghoon’s hand wrapped around your throat.
Your breath catches as your back presses into the cushions, your pulse stuttering beneath his fingers. The grip isn’t tight—not enough to hurt—but just enough to hold you there, to remind you exactly who he is.
His face is close, too close, his breath warm against your lips, his jaw clenched so tight you can see the tension in every muscle. His gaze flickers between your eyes, searching, burning, filled with something dark and raw.
"You think I never cared?" His voice is low, rough, dangerous in a way that sends heat curling through your stomach.
Your body tenses, then melts, as his other hand trails up your thigh, fingers barely skimming your skin, teasing, not touching where you need him to.
"You think I don’t want you?" His breath is uneven now, his fingers tightening just slightly around your throat before loosening again. His thumb brushes along the side of your neck, slow, deliberate. His body is pressed against yours, solid and warm, every inch of him so close, too close, not close enough.
Your fingers wrap around his wrist, nails pressing lightly into his skin, grounding yourself, grounding him. Your breath is shaky when you speak, barely above a whisper. "I think you don’t know how to want me without ruining me."
A muscle in his jaw ticks.
For a second—just a second—he looks wrecked.
Then, his grip tightens.
Your breath stutters, a soft gasp slipping past your lips as heat pools low in your stomach. His lips brush against your ear, his voice lower now, rough, a quiet warning.
"Tell me to stop."
You should.
Sunghoon waits, his chest rising and falling in uneven breaths, his fingers tightening around your waist, his grip flexing against your throat just enough to make your pulse quicken.
"You won’t, will you?" His tone is almost amused, but there’s something darker underneath, something that sounds almost like relief.
You shake your head.
And then his lips crash into yours.
The kiss is deep, hungry, filled with everything you’ve both been pretending doesn’t exist. His hands are everywhere—gripping your hips, sliding up your sides, pulling you closer like he wants to memorize the shape of you all over again.
Your fingers tangle into his hair, nails scraping lightly against his scalp, and he groans into your mouth, his body pressing you further into the couch, his knee parting your thighs. His hands slide under your dress, rough palms trailing against your skin, teasing, making you ache.
"Still wet for me," he mutters, voice dark, breathless. His fingers slip beneath your panties, dragging over your soaked folds, slow and deliberate, just to prove his point.
You whimper against his mouth, thighs trembling as he strokes you, not giving you what you need, just teasing, just pushing you closer to the edge.
"Sunghoon," you gasp, a plea, a warning.
He smirks against your skin, lips pressing against your throat, sucking at the sensitive skin before sinking two fingers into you, curling just right.
"You hate me, remember?" His voice is taunting, wicked.
Your back arches, hips rocking against his fingers, chasing more, chasing him.
Your breath comes out in shuddering gasps as you whisper the only thing you can manage. "I hate you."
Sunghoon lets out a breathless, bitter laugh.
"Liar."
-
"That’s not how we do things at Park Enterprises, Mrs. Park," Sunghoon muses.
He leans back in his office chair, fingers tapping against the polished surface of the table. The way he says it is deliberate, lazy, like he’s testing you.
The meeting room is as usual, closer to World War 3 (total destruction edition) than a collaborative good-vibes-only space.
You still, fingers curling slightly against the stack of legal briefs in front of you. The flicker of heat that rushes through you isn’t fondness—it’s pure irritation.
"Don’t call me that." Your tone is measured, sharp.
Sunghoon’s lips twitch, but there’s no humor in his smirk. "Habit."
Your gaze hardens, your nails pressing into the contract as you slam it down in front of him.
"Then break it."
The entire room freezes.
Sunoo, seated two chairs down, makes a sound that might be a laugh but immediately covers it with a cough. Across from him, Riki subtly slides his phone out to update the betting pool on how long this fight is going to last.
The tension only thickens when Sunghoon reaches for the contract, flipping through the pages like he isn’t remotely affected. His expression is smooth, almost bored, but you don’t miss the way his jaw tightens just slightly.
"You seem invested in this," he muses, signing his name on the margin like he’s humoring you. "Why? Worried about my financial well-being?"
You exhale slowly, forcing down the irritation curling in your chest. "No. I just don’t like being dragged into your reckless decisions when you know I’ll have to clean up your mess later."
Sunghoon’s eyes flick up to yours. There’s something there, something sharp, dark, something that makes your stomach twist.
"You always do," he murmurs. "Clean up after me."
You refuse to react, refuse to let him see that he’s getting under your skin. Instead, you push back your chair, standing with a level of poise that takes effort.
"I don’t work for you, Sunghoon," you remind him, voice cold. "I work for the company."
His lips press together, but he doesn’t argue. Doesn’t tell you you’re wrong.
Because you aren’t.
📲 Incoming text: [Sunoo → Riki] he just flexed his fingers like he wanted to throw the pen LMFAO ur boss literally just called him reckless in front of the entire room. this is peak entertainment.
📲 Incoming text: [Riki → Legal Team] ceo looks ready to commit murder. we might need security.
📲 Incoming text: [Sunoo → Executive Team] he just sighed through his nose. we are in DANGER.
-
The morning sun spills into Park Enterprises, painting streaks of gold across the marble floors of the top executive offices. Everything looks pristine, polished—exactly the way Sunghoon keeps it. But today, something is off.
You push open the heavy glass door to his office without knocking, a thick stack of contracts tucked under your arm. Your heels click against the floor with precise, deliberate steps, each one punctuating the tension lingering between you.
Without hesitation, you slam the folder onto his desk.
“You’re going to sign this,” you declare, arms crossing over your chest, voice clipped, firm.
Sunghoon doesn’t respond right away.
You expect the usual pushback—some sarcastic remark, a knowing smirk, the casual dismissal of your concerns—but he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he stays where he is, leaning against the edge of his desk, sleeves rolled up, tie loosened just enough to suggest exhaustion. His fingers press lightly against the smooth wood surface behind him, as if steadying himself.
He looks off.
Not tired—Sunghoon is always tired. But off.
You narrow your eyes. “What, no argument?”
He blinks at you, slowly, like it takes more effort than it should. His grip on the desk tightens briefly before he exhales, dragging a hand through his already tousled hair.
"Are you okay?" The question leaves your lips before you can stop it.
Sunghoon finally reacts, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips—small, forced. “Worried about me now?”
You scoff, rolling your eyes. “I just don’t want you dying in my office.”
He chuckles, but the sound is weak, quieter than usual. He straightens up, shifts his weight slightly, but the way he moves is wrong—like he’s trying too hard to make it look effortless.
"If I did," he murmurs, "I’d haunt you."
Normally, that would be enough to pull an eye roll out of you. Maybe even a snarky remark. But something about the way he says it makes your stomach tighten.
You watch him carefully. The way his fingers flex against the desk. The slight tension in his shoulders. The way his smirk falters at the edges.
Sunghoon has always carried himself with control—measured, deliberate, never showing a single crack in the façade. But right now, standing in front of you, he looks off balance.
The last time he looked like this, the last time he held himself together just a little too well, something had been wrong then too.
Something you didn’t realize until it was too late.
The memory presses at the edges of your thoughts, but you push it down.
“Maybe you should sit down before you do something stupid,” you mutter.
Sunghoon raises an eyebrow, clearly amused, but he does exactly that. He sinks into his chair, rolling his shoulders, letting out a slow breath before picking up the contract.
“Relax,” he says, flipping through the pages. “I’ll sign your stupid paperwork. No need to get sentimental.”
Your jaw tightens, irritation curling at the edges of your concern. “I’m not being sentimental. I just don’t want to deal with the PR disaster when you inevitably collapse.”
Sunghoon lets out a quiet huff of laughter, but the way his fingers drift to his temple, pressing lightly, does not go unnoticed. He rubs at the tension there, eyes briefly fluttering shut before he shakes his head, pushing through whatever is bothering him.
“I’m fine.”
You don’t believe him. But you don’t push. Because the last time you did, you lost.
It had been late.
Past midnight. The city outside your bedroom window was still awake, alive with light and movement, but inside, the world had gone silent.
You lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, exhaustion pressing into your chest like a weight you couldn’t lift. You weren’t crying. You had already done that. There was nothing left inside you except emptiness.
Sunghoon lay beside you.
Awake. Motionless. Silent.
His back was turned to you.
And the worst part, the part that haunted you even now, wasn’t that he hadn’t said anything.
It was that when you had reached for his hand, he had let you hold it.
But he hadn’t held yours back.
The memory lingers even as you push it away.
You watch Sunghoon as he picks up the contract, flipping through the pages with minimal interest. His fingers tighten slightly when he turns each page, like he’s holding back something.
Pain. Fatigue. Something worse.
"You look like shit," you say finally, leaning against his desk, arms crossed.
Sunghoon hums, barely glancing up. “Charming as always.”
"You should get checked out."
He snorts, shaking his head. “If I wanted medical advice, I wouldn’t take it from my ex-wife.”
"Not ex yet."
And for some reason, as you turn to leave, you can’t shake the feeling that you just missed something important.
-
The Park family never asks for favors.
Not officially, at least.
It’s always subtle, always wrapped in polite smiles and casual requests, laced with just enough manipulation to make refusal feel impossible.
Which is why you’re seated in the Park family’s private lounge, sipping tea that’s gone cold, listening to Sunghoon’s mother and his uncle discuss the delicate legal situation that has suddenly become your responsibility.
“It’s just a small thing,” his mother insists, waving a dismissive hand as though corporate fraud allegations against one of their subsidiary partners are a minor inconvenience rather than a full-blown lawsuit waiting to happen.
You keep your expression neutral, fingers laced neatly over your knee. “It’s not a small thing,” you correct evenly. “You’re looking at a serious case of financial misrepresentation, and if this isn’t handled properly, it could affect all of Park Enterprises. This isn’t something I can just sweep under the rug.”
His uncle chuckles like you’ve just told a particularly amusing joke. “Oh, we know that, dear. That’s why we’re bringing it to you.”
Dear.
You resist the urge to tense, keeping your posture composed.
Because this is what you’ve become to them.
Not a daughter-in-law. Not family.
A lawyer first, a liability second.
“You’ve always been so good at handling these sorts of things,” his mother adds, smiling that elegant, carefully practiced smile that never quite reaches her eyes. “And with your position at the company, it only makes sense for you to oversee it personally.”
Of course. Personally.
They won’t trust this kind of thing to an outsider. But they also won’t officially involve you, because that would mean compensation, responsibility, accountability.
Instead, they’ll let you handle it just enough to clean up their mess. They’ll let you do the work, bear the stress, and take the fall if things go wrong.
And Sunghoon?
Sunghoon won’t say a word.
You glance to your left, where he’s seated quietly, fingers tapping lightly against the rim of his coffee cup. He hasn’t spoken once since this conversation began.
Not to defend you. Not to refuse. Not to say anything at all.
Just… silent.
Your fingers tighten around the folder in your lap.
“I’ll review the case,” you say finally, voice clipped, controlled. “But I won’t guarantee anything.”
His mother beams, reaching forward to squeeze your hand like you’ve just agreed to Sunday brunch, not to clean up yet another one of their family’s legal disasters.
“I knew we could count on you,” she says sweetly.
Sunghoon still says nothing.
Not when his mother praises you.
Not when his uncle jokes about how lucky Sunghoon is to have married such a “resourceful” woman.
Not when the conversation finally ends, and they rise from their seats, leaving you with a stack of documents, a heavier workload, and a headache that has nothing to do with legal strategy.
It isn’t until you’re alone with him in the car, on the drive back home, that you finally let your frustration boil over.
“So that’s how this works now?” Your voice is flat, gaze fixed on the city lights outside the window. “Your family gets into trouble, and I’m the free labor you offer up to fix it?”
Sunghoon exhales, tilting his head back against the seat. “It’s not like that.”
You let out a sharp, humorless laugh. “No? Because from where I’m sitting, it sure as hell feels like it.”
His fingers flex against the steering wheel. “You’re the best lawyer they know,” he says after a beat, like that somehow makes it better. Like that somehow makes this okay.
You turn to look at him, eyes narrowing. “And that’s all I am, isn’t it?”
-
He went back after dropping you off.
His mother had barely glanced up from her tea. “She’s always been so difficult,” she sighed, setting the cup down with a delicate clink. “It would be easier if she simply cooperated without arguing every little point.”
Sunghoon’s jaw had clenched at that.
His uncle had smirked, shaking his head. “Women like her are sharp, but they forget that they’re meant to—”
“Don’t finish that sentence.”
The room had gone silent.
His uncle blinked, raising a brow. “Excuse me?”
Sunghoon had leaned forward slightly, voice measured but laced with something dangerous. “You don’t get to talk about her like that.”
His mother frowned slightly, but the warning in his expression kept her from speaking.
His uncle, however, wasn’t as quick to read the room. “She’s my niece-in-law, I can—”
“She’s not yours anything,” Sunghoon cut in, tone sharp. “And the next time you speak about her like that, you won’t like how I respond.”
His uncle had scoffed, muttering something under his breath about being too soft on a woman who clearly didn’t respect her place, but the discussion didn’t go any further.
Because Sunghoon had stood up, buttoning his suit jacket, gaze level.
“You wanted her help?” he had said coldly. “You’ll take what she’s willing to give. And if she decides she’s done dealing with your bullshit, you won’t push her. Understood?”
-
The first sign that something is wrong comes in the form of silence.
For the past few days, Sunghoon has been more irritable than usual. Not outright angry, not obviously upset, just… distant. He works longer hours, avoids unnecessary conversations, and brushes off every single instance you or his team ask if he’s okay. It’s nothing new—he’s always had a habit of overworking himself into exhaustion, pushing himself too hard, acting invincible even when he’s clearly not.
You’re used to it.
But today, something feels different.
Maybe it’s the way he barely acknowledged you in the morning meeting, his focus wavering during discussions where he’s usually sharp. Maybe it’s the way his grip tightened just slightly around his pen, like he needed to steady himself. Maybe it’s the way he looked at you—like he wanted to say something, but chose not to.
Or maybe it’s the way his entire office is empty when you pass by hours later, and his assistant, Sunoo, is nowhere to be found.
You stop in your tracks.
"Where is he?"
Riki looks up from his phone, startled by your sudden appearance at the executive floor. “Uh—meeting with finance, I think?”
You frown. “No, that ended an hour ago.”
Riki hesitates. He knows better than to lie to you. “He wasn’t looking too good earlier.”
Your stomach twists.
He’s been pushing himself too hard. You knew this would happen.
You spin on your heel, already moving before you can second-guess yourself.
When you find him, he’s exactly where you feared he’d be.
Collapsed on the floor of his office.
Sunghoon is slumped against the base of his desk, one hand still loosely gripping his chair, as if he had tried to stop himself from falling. His usually sharp, polished composure is completely gone—his dress shirt is slightly undone, his face pale, sweat beading along his brow. His breathing is shallow, his eyes half-lidded like he’s barely clinging to consciousness.
The sight of him like this—weak, vulnerable, not in control—makes something in your chest tighten painfully.
"Sunghoon," you breathe out, dropping to your knees beside him. Your hands hover over him for a second, uncertain, before you press against his shoulders, shaking him lightly. “Hey. Hey, look at me.”
His head tilts slightly, his gaze flickering to you, but it’s unfocused.
“…What are you doing here?” His voice is quiet, hoarse, like he’s barely holding onto himself.
Your heart pounds in your ears. “Shut up.” You tilt his chin up, searching his face, trying to assess just how bad this is. He’s too pale, too warm, and his breathing is far from steady.
"I’m fine," he murmurs, trying to push himself up, but his body betrays him. His limbs shake, his strength is gone, and before he can fall again, you catch him.
That’s when panic sinks in.
You barely register the way your arms tighten around him as you yell for help, your voice sharp, commanding. Within moments, Riki and Sunoo are rushing in, Sunoo already pulling out his phone to call an ambulance.
"Sunghoon, stay awake," you demand, your fingers brushing against his cheek. “Do you hear me? Stay awake.”
His lips curve slightly. Even now, he’s trying to smile.
“Bossy,” he mutters.
Your throat tightens. “Shut up and breathe.”
-
The hospital smells like antiseptic and exhaustion.
The waiting room is too bright, too cold, too suffocating. The dull hum of fluorescent lights buzzes overhead, mixing with the distant beeping of heart monitors and the low murmur of voices at the nurse’s station. You sit motionless, staring at the tiled floor, your arms crossed so tightly that your nails press crescents into your palms.
It’s been hours since they rushed Sunghoon in.
Riki and Sunoo are still here, but neither of them speaks. They hover nearby, their presence a quiet weight in the room, but they know better than to say anything. Everyone knows better than to say anything.
Finally, footsteps approach. A doctor stops in front of you, flipping through a clipboard. “Are you here for Park Sunghoon?”
Your breath catches. You rise immediately, ignoring the stiffness in your limbs. “Yes.”
“He’s stable for now,” the doctor says, voice calm and professional. “We ran some tests, but given his symptoms, this isn’t just exhaustion. He’s been dealing with this for a while, hasn’t he?”
Your stomach twists.
He’s been hiding this.
The doctor’s gaze softens slightly. “Are you his wife?”
The word cuts through you like a blade.
You swallow. Legally, yes. Emotionally? You don’t know anymore.
“Yes,” you say, the word tasting strange on your tongue.
The doctor nods. “Then I need to speak with you privately.”
-
The hospital room is suffocating.
It smells sterile, like antiseptic and something cold, something lifeless. The overhead lights cast a dim glow over everything—too bright, too harsh, too unforgiving. The heart monitor beside the bed beeps in slow, steady intervals, but Sunghoon’s breathing is anything but steady.
He looks wrecked.
His skin is too pale, washed out under the fluorescent glow. His lips are dry, colorless. There’s sweat clinging to his hairline, dampening the strands against his forehead. His fingers tremble where they rest against the blanket, curling slightly like even the fabric is too much to hold onto.
And yet, despite all of it, despite the exhaustion weighing down his body and the fever burning beneath his skin, he still looks at you with something sharp, something unyielding, when you demand the truth.
“How long have you known?”
Your voice is stretched too thin, raw from exhaustion and something deeper, something you don’t want to name.
Sunghoon exhales, closing his eyes for a second like it physically pains him to answer. When he finally does, his voice is quiet, hoarse from fatigue.
“Six months.”
The words sink into you like stones.
Your hands tighten around the metal bedrail, your grip so tight your knuckles go white. Your chest constricts, something ugly twisting inside of you, something that makes your stomach curl in on itself.
“Six fucking months?”
Sunghoon drags a trembling hand down his face, but even that looks like it takes too much effort. His body is failing him, but his voice is still there, still cutting, when he lets out a soft, bitter laugh.
“Would it have changed anything?”
Your breath catches, something sharp and painful ripping through your chest.
You let out a short, humorless laugh, something hollow and unfamiliar.
“Yes.”
Sunghoon finally looks at you, but there’s something haunted in his gaze. A long, unbearable silence stretches between you before his jaw tightens, his voice lowering, turning quiet, cutting like a blade against your skin.
“Did it change anything when I tried to hold you after we lost them?”
The air leaves your lungs.
You freeze, your entire body locking up, the grip you have on the bedrail so tight it screeches beneath your fingertips.
Sunghoon watches you carefully, but there’s no fight in his face, no anger, no bitterness.
Just exhaustion.
And pain.
Your voice barely makes it out. “You never tried.”
His breath catches.
“I did,” he murmurs, voice raw.
Your throat tightens.
“No, you didn’t.” You take a step forward, your pulse hammering, hands shaking. “You shut down. You let me—” Your breath hitches, your voice unsteady. “You let me go through it alone.”
Sunghoon doesn’t argue. He just looks away.
And that’s somehow worse.
“You acted like it never happened,” you whisper, the words barely holding themselves together. “Like they never happened.”
Sunghoon’s chest rises sharply, his fingers twitching, his breathing growing uneven again. His entire body stiffens, but he doesn’t push back.
And then, voice hoarse, shaking, wrecked,
“You think I didn’t care?”
Your hands curl into fists, but before you can say anything, before you can even process what’s happening—
Sunghoon moves too fast.
He tries to stand up, tries to close the space between you, but his body betrays him.
His IV yanks painfully, the needle shifting against his arm, and the wires attached to the monitor tangle around his wrist, pulling tighter when he moves. His breath stutters in pain, his fingers weakly gripping the sheets, but he doesn’t stop.
“Sunghoon,” you snap, eyes widening in alarm. “Sit the fuck down.”
But he doesn’t listen. He tries again to push himself up, stumbling slightly, and this time, his knees give out.
You barely catch him in time.
“Jesus Christ,” you hiss, gripping his arms as his entire weight collapses against you. His body burns under your touch, too warm, feverish, his breathing erratic. His head nearly falls against your shoulder, his body too weak to hold itself up.
His fingers clutch at the fabric of your blazer, something weak, something desperate.
And then—voice wrecked, hoarse, shaking—
“I named them.”
Your entire world tilts.
You go still.
Sunghoon doesn’t move, his forehead nearly pressed against your collarbone, his breath warm and shaky against your skin. His grip tightens, even as his body trembles.
“What?” Your voice barely makes it out, caught somewhere between disbelief and something worse.
“Every night while you were asleep next to me, I whispered their names silently. I prayed for them.”
Sunghoon exhales shakily. His legs shake beneath him, his chest heaving, his entire body drained. He’s burning up, sweat sticking to his temple, his breath shallow.
You grab him by the arms, shaking him slightly. “Say their names.”
Sunghoon winces, he shakes his head ‘no’ his face twisting like the words are physically painful to say. He exhales sharply, breath ragged.
“Say their names, Sunghoon.”
His fingers tighten around your sleeve, his whole body trembling under your touch. For a moment, he just stares at you, like saying it out loud will finally break him.
Then, barely above a whisper, like it’s being torn from him—
“Eunha and June.”
Your stomach drops.
Sunghoon exhales sharply, his entire body slumping like he just let go of something he’s been carrying for years.
“I used to imagine who they’d look like more,” he whispers, his voice so thin, so hollow. “If Eunha would have had your eyes. If June would have had my smile.”
Your throat tightens painfully.
“I wondered if they would have fought like us,” he exhales shakily, his fingers flexing around the fabric of your sleeve. “If they would have been close. If they would have had your fire. If I would have been able to protect them.”
His next breath is ragged, breaking.
“They were my girls.”
Your stomach twists.
His voice isn’t just sad. It’s grief-stricken. It’s empty.
“Mine,” he murmurs. His fingers twitch at his sides, the life draining from his voice as his chest rises and falls too quickly. “Mine and yours and no one else’s.”
A sob breaks past your lips, full and desperate and wrecked.
Before you even realize what you’re doing, you pull him in.
Sunghoon immediately folds into you, his arms wrapping around your waist weakly, his face burying itself into the crook of your neck.
He’s burning up, feverish, barely staying upright.
Your hands press into his back, feeling the too-thin frame of him, the exhaustion pulling at his body, the heat radiating off him in waves.
Neither of you speak.
For the first time in years, there is nothing left to say.
-
You wake up feeling… off.
Your neck aches, your back is stiff, and there’s a strange, rhythmic beeping that’s far too loud for this early in the morning.
It takes a second to register where you are.
The hospital.
Sunghoon.
The entire night before crashes into you all at once. The fight. His fever. The names. The fact that you never left.
Your stomach tightens. You should have left. You should have walked out the second he fell asleep. That was the plan.
And yet, somehow—you didn’t.
Before you can sit up, the door swings open.
“Well, this is unexpected.”
You jump, blinking blearily as Sunoo steps inside, two cups of coffee in hand, his eyes scanning the room with just a little too much interest.
He doesn’t immediately say something annoying, which means he’s definitely about to.
You shift in your chair, sitting up straighter, clearing your throat. “Morning.”
Sunoo doesn’t move, just looks at you. Then at Sunghoon, still asleep in the bed. Then back at you.
Finally—he lets out a small hum. “You stayed.”
It’s not judgmental. It’s not even teasing, really—just surprised. But for some reason, it makes you feel weirdly defensive.
“He had a fever,” you mutter, shifting under his gaze. “It was high. I didn’t think he should be alone.”
Sunoo nods. “Right.”
You hate how knowing he sounds.
Before you can scowl at him, Sunghoon groans, shifting slightly in the bed. His brow furrows, his body tensing for a brief moment before his eyes crack open.
And you know the exact moment he registers Sunoo’s presence—because instead of groaning in pain like a normal sick person, he exhales sharply, eyes barely open but already full of irritation.
“The fuck are you doing here?” His voice is rough, hoarse from sleep, but still so unmistakably Sunghoon that it’s almost impressive.
Sunoo lets out a small laugh, shaking his head as he grabs his own coffee. “Ah, there he is. Same old personality, even after nearly dying.”
Sunghoon barely cracks an eye open before exhaling sharply, pressing his head back against the pillow. “Go away.”
Sunoo, wisely, does not go away.
Instead, he takes a slow sip of his coffee. “I mean, technically, I work here. It’s my job to check on the CEO.” His gaze flickers toward you. “But wow. Look at this. The dedicated wife, staying by his side all night. It’s like something out of a drama.”
You groan, pressing your fingers to your temple. “Sunoo—”
“Oh, don’t worry,” he says, setting Sunghoon’s coffee on the bedside table. “I won’t tell the office too much. But, you know… people talk. Betting pools exist.”
Sunghoon slowly turns his head toward Sunoo.
And in the flattest, most deadpan voice imaginable, he says—
“You’re fired.”
Sunoo chokes on his coffee. “What?”
Sunghoon doesn’t even blink. “Pack your shit.”
“You wouldn’t survive a week without me,” Sunoo mutters, taking another sip.
Sunghoon closes his eyes, like he’s physically holding himself back from committing a crime.
You watch this exchange, unimpressed. “Are you two done?”
Sunoo gestures at Sunghoon. “Tell him. He’s the one being dramatic.”
Sunghoon’s eyes flick open again. “You barged in here at eight in the morning.”
“Nine,” Sunoo corrects. “And technically, I knocked.”
Neither of you remembers a knock.
Sunghoon takes a long, deep breath. “I still feel like shit. And the very first thing I see when I wake up is you. Running your mouth.”
Sunoo hums. “Okay, grumpy.”
Sunghoon glares.
Sunoo clears his throat, wisely changing the subject. “Anyway. You have the day off, obviously, but I have your morning reports whenever you’re—”
“I don’t care.”
Sunoo nods slowly. “Right. Well. I also have—”
“I still don’t care.”
Sunoo pauses. “…Okay, then.”
For the first time, he seems to sense that he’s overstayed his welcome. He takes a slow step toward the door, glancing between the two of you.
Then, mildly—“Try not to murder each other before lunch.”
And with that, he’s gone..
-
Sunghoon exhales sharply as he sinks into the passenger seat, eyes shut, head tilted back against the headrest. His body is still weak, and you know the car ride is taking more out of him than he’d ever admit. He doesn’t complain, though—he never does.
You keep your eyes on the road, both hands gripping the steering wheel, knuckles pressing just a little too hard against the leather. The silence stretches between you, filling the space inside the car, thick but not suffocating. Just there.
It’s not hostile. Not like before. But it’s not comfortable either.
For a while, neither of you say anything. The city blurs past in streaks of yellow streetlights and neon reflections, casting flickering shadows across Sunghoon’s face. His breathing is slow, controlled, like he’s trying not to let the exhaustion show.
But you see it.
You see the way his fingers twitch slightly against his thigh, how his jaw tenses every time you hit the smallest bump in the road. You see the way his chest rises and falls, slower than usual, deeper like he’s trying to regulate himself.
And then, finally—his voice breaks the silence.
“You don’t have to babysit me.”
It’s not sharp, not a challenge. Just… a test.
You inhale, eyes flickering toward him briefly before returning to the road. “I know.”
A pause. Then, quieter this time, a little more uncertain—“You don’t have to stay in the same house anymore.”
Your fingers tighten around the wheel, your stomach twisting in a way you don’t like.
“I know,” you say again, but this time, it sounds different. Less sure. Less like something you actually believe.
Sunghoon turns his head slightly, watching you from the corner of his eye. His expression remains unreadable, his voice careful.
“Then why are you still here?”
The traffic light ahead flicks to red. The car slows, the tires rolling to a smooth stop, but inside, everything still feels like it’s moving too fast.
You could answer honestly. You could tell him that you don’t know how to walk away from him yet, that you don’t know what the hell you’re still holding onto but you’re holding onto it anyway.
Instead, you let out a slow breath and shift slightly in your seat. “You wouldn’t last a week without me.”
Sunghoon huffs, gaze drifting back toward the windshield. “I’d last at least two.”
The corners of your lips twitch, but you press them together before the expression fully forms.
“Wanna bet?”
The breath he lets out is something close to a laugh—short, barely there, but real.
“Not really,” he mutters, exhaling through his nose.
Neither of you say anything after that.
But the silence that follows doesn’t feel as heavy as before.
-
The house is dimly lit, the soft glow from the hallway casting long shadows across the walls. The familiar scent of wood and clean linen lingers in the air, settling around you like something almost comforting, almost safe.
Sunghoon moves carefully, slower than he normally would, his fingers brushing against the wall for balance as he toes off his shoes. He doesn’t stumble, doesn’t sway, but you see the way his body holds tension—too stiff, too controlled, like he’s bracing himself.
You don’t say anything.
Not until he lowers himself onto the couch, exhaling as if just the act of standing had drained him.
“You should sit down,” you say after a moment, arms crossing over your chest.
Sunghoon huffs a quiet breath, shaking his head. “You just watched me sit down.”
You roll your eyes, stepping into the kitchen without another word. He’s impossible. He always has been. The worst part is, you let yourself care anyway.
You fill a glass with water and bring it back to the living room, setting it down in front of him before dropping into the armchair across from the couch.
Sunghoon glances at the glass, then up at you.
“You’re not gonna make me drink it, are you?” His voice is hoarse, rough from exhaustion.
“I will if you keep being difficult.”
Sunghoon exhales sharply, rubbing a hand over his face before finally—finally—grabbing the glass. He takes a slow sip, sets it back down, and leans back into the cushions.
The silence that follows is heavy, but not the kind that threatens to break.
For a few minutes, neither of you speak. The tension sits between you, waiting, stretching until you finally say—
“You need to take time off.”
Sunghoon’s brow furrows slightly, eyes still closed.
“I already did,” he mutters.
You scoff. “No, you were hospitalized. That’s not ‘time off,’ that’s your body shutting down because you refuse to take care of yourself.”
He doesn’t react at first, but you see the way his fingers flex slightly against his knee.
“I can manage,” he says, and this time, there’s an edge there.
You lean forward, resting your elbows on your knees, voice sharper now. “That’s exactly the problem, Sunghoon. You think you can manage. You think you can push through it, that it’s just something you can ignore and work around. But you can’t.”
His jaw tightens.
You exhale through your nose, hands pressing together. “The doctors literally told you what happens if you don’t take care of yourself. You might get better quickly, but if you push too hard, it’s going to get worse even faster. You don’t have the luxury of acting like this is a minor thing.”
Sunghoon shifts slightly, dragging a hand through his hair before resting his forearm against his knee. His voice is quieter when he finally speaks.
“…I know my limits.”
The words hit something raw inside you, something that has been aching for too long.
“No, you obviously don’t,” you snap, and this time, you don’t bother holding back. “You never do. You push and push until you hit a wall, and then you act surprised when your body gives out.”
Sunghoon’s fingers tighten against his knee. “I don’t need you to—”
“To what?” you interrupt, eyes burning. “To remind you? To be here because someone has to make sure you actually listen to the doctor’s advice?”
His breath catches slightly, and you hate how sickly he looks under the dim light. You hate how tired his shoulders are, how his fingers are trembling slightly against his knee, how his skin is still too pale, too warm from the fever that hasn’t fully faded yet. But most of all, you hate that he won’t just let himself rest.
You inhale, voice calmer now, but still firm. “They told you that you can’t just ‘push through’ this, Sunghoon. You’re not invincible. The whole reason you ended up in the hospital is because you ignored the symptoms for months.”
Sunghoon drags a hand down his face, exhaling sharply. “I don’t need you to remind me of what I already know.”
“Then act like you know it.”
Sunghoon leans back against the couch, his body tense, hands resting on his thighs. His gaze flickers toward the ceiling, expression unreadable.
You watch him, watch the way his shoulders rise and fall with each slow breath, the way his throat bobs slightly when he swallows.
“Are you staying in my room?”
The words are soft. Careful. Testing.
Your fingers tighten slightly against your knee. You should say no.
You should get up, go to your own room, create distance before this turns into something neither of you know how to handle.
“Just until you’re better.”
A lie. And Sunghoon knows it too. But neither of you say anything about it.
-
The room is still dark when you stir awake, the faintest trace of early morning filtering through the curtains. The air is cool, the kind of stillness that comes right before dawn, when everything feels softer—quieter.
You shift slightly under the blankets, your body slow to wake, your mind still caught in the haze of sleep.
And that’s when you feel it.
The warmth. The weight. The quiet, steady presence behind you.
Sunghoon.
Your breath catches, your body freezing for a moment as reality sets in. His arm—heavy, warm, familiar—draped loosely around your waist.
Not tight. Not pulling. Just there.
Your mind races, but your body remembers.
For a second—just a second—you don’t move.
Sunghoon’s breathing is even, deep and slow. His chest rises and falls against your back, steady, the faint warmth of his breath skimming the back of your neck.
Your stomach twists.
It’s been years since you’ve woken up like this—since you’ve felt his presence this close, this natural. And for a fleeting, dangerous moment, you let yourself sink into it, let yourself feel the way his fingers twitch slightly against the fabric of your shirt, like he’s still dreaming.
Then, suddenly—he shifts.
His body stirs, his breath hitching slightly, and you realize he’s waking up.
Panic flickers up your spine, but you keep still, barely breathing, waiting—waiting to see if he’ll pull away first.
But he doesn’t.
Sunghoon exhales softly, his fingers twitching again before his hand tightens ever so slightly around your waist.
Not intentional. Not forceful. Just… like he doesn’t want to let go yet.
Your throat tightens. It lasts a second. Maybe two.
His body tenses slightly. His fingers flex. His breath catches.
He’s awake now.
Neither of you move. Neither of you breathe too loudly.
And then, carefully—too carefully—he pulls away.
His arm lifts from your waist, the warmth of him retreating as he shifts slightly onto his back. You hear him exhale quietly, controlled.
You wait, counting the seconds, waiting for him to say something, for him to make a joke, for him to act like this didn’t just happen.
But he doesn’t. He just stays there, quiet.
And after a moment, you let out a breath of your own and shift to sit up, pulling the blanket back just enough to swing your legs over the edge of the bed.
Neither of you acknowledge it. Neither of you turn to look at each other.
It’s like it never happened. And that’s the problem.
Because it did.
And for the rest of the morning, you can still feel the lingering warmth where his arm had been.
-
You knew this was going to happen.
You knew the moment you caught a glimpse of his laptop open on the coffee table this morning, saw the unread emails stacking up, the subtle tension in his shoulders as he read through them like he wasn’t supposed to be working in the first place.
You ignored it. You let it go, for a while. But now?
Now, it’s ten at night, and Sunghoon is still sitting on the damn couch, his laptop open, fingers typing slowly, deliberately, like he’s trying to pretend he’s not as exhausted as he actually is.
You don’t let it go this time.
“You’re working.”
It’s not a question.
Sunghoon doesn’t look up. His gaze stays fixed on the screen, his fingers still tapping against the keyboard.
“It’s just an email.” His voice is calm. Too calm.
You cross your arms, leaning against the doorway, your eyes sharp.
“Didn’t we already have this argument?”
Sunghoon sighs through his nose, his jaw tightening slightly. “And yet, here we are.”
You hate how steady he sounds, how he knows exactly how to say things just to piss you off.
Your arms tighten across your chest. “We’re not doing this again.”
“Then don’t start it,” he mutters, still not looking at you.
Your patience snaps.
You step forward, standing right in front of him, blocking his view of the laptop. “Sunghoon.”
His fingers pause over the keys. His gaze lifts to yours. And the air changes.
It happens too fast, that shift in the atmosphere. The frustration, the exhaustion, the sheer stubbornness—blending into something else.
Something tense.
His eyes flicker over your face, your mouth, your throat. His voice is lower when he speaks this time. Slower. More deliberate.
“You keep saying you’re not going to argue with me.”
His fingers curl slightly against the armrest.
“And yet, you’re still here.”
Your stomach twists—not in anger, not in frustration, but in something darker, something hotter, something that you don’t want to name.
Your eyes narrow slightly, your voice sharp when you say—“Because you don’t fucking listen.”
Sunghoon tilts his head, his expression unreadable. His gaze dips, lingering on your lips for half a second too long.
Your breath comes in shorter now.
And then—slowly, carefully—he shuts his laptop. The sound of it clicking shut feels too loud in the quiet.
He leans back against the couch, arms resting on the cushions, his legs spreading just slightly, just enough to make the space between you feel smaller.
“Go on, then.”
Your pulse hammers.
Sunghoon watches you, his gaze steady, his body too relaxed, too effortless—like he’s waiting for something.
Like he wants to see what you’ll do next.
You inhale sharply, trying not to notice the way his sweatpants ride low on his hips, the way his shirt is loose enough to show a sliver of his collarbone, the way he looks completely unaffected when you’re burning.
You hate him.
You hate how good he is at this.
You take a step forward, planting your hands on the armrest, leaning in, forcing his attention back to your face.
“If you’re not going to take care of yourself,” you murmur, “then I will.”
Sunghoon exhales slowly, his jaw flexing slightly.
The tension between you pulls tighter.
He doesn’t move away. He doesn’t blink. He just sits there, waiting.
You don’t know if it’s waiting for the fight, or waiting for something else. You don’t know which one you want more.
For a second—just a second—your eyes flicker to his mouth. And you swear—you swear—his do the same.
Before either of you can do something you can’t take back—
Your phone buzzes from across the room. The moment shatters.
You inhale sharply, stepping back, hands dropping from the armrest. Sunghoon’s eyes flicker, his breath just slightly uneven now, but he doesn’t say anything.
You turn away first. You pretend your hands aren’t shaking.
You don’t look at him when you grab your phone off the counter, checking the notification even though you didn’t read a single word of it.
The moment is over. But neither of you breathe the same after that.
-
You hadn't planned for this.
You hadn't planned on seeing Sunghoon in the hallway, hadn't planned on him looking at you like that—like he was about to ruin you, like he needed to.
But the moment he stepped into your space, the moment his breath ghosted over your skin, you felt the air shift. It was thick, weighted with something that neither of you had the energy to resist anymore.
"Tell me you don’t want this." His voice is low, quiet but firm, laced with something deeper than just lust—something closer to desperation.
Instead of answering, your fingers twist into the front of his shirt and you pull him in.
Sunghoon exhales sharply, his restraint snapping the second your mouth meets his. He moves fast—too fast, like he's been starving for this, like he's afraid it'll slip through his fingers if he hesitates. His hands are on your waist, then your back, gripping at you like he's trying to memorize every inch.
The kiss is messy, uncoordinated, filled with teeth and tongues and frustration. Months of pent-up tension, of silent longing, of unsaid words spill into every movement. He presses you into the wall, hips flush against yours, and you feel it—how hard he is, how much he's holding back, how badly he wants this.
"You drive me fucking crazy," he mutters against your lips, his breath ragged.
"Then do something about it."
He groans, low and wrecked, before lifting you effortlessly, hands gripping under your thighs as he carries you through the house. He doesn’t stop kissing you—not when he stumbles slightly into a wall, not when he nearly knocks over a lamp.
You barely make it to the couch before he’s pushing you down, hovering over you, eyes dark with something too raw to name.
His hands move fast—too fast—pulling at your clothes, impatient, frantic. His fingers tremble slightly as he drags your shirt over your head, his lips instantly finding the newly exposed skin, teeth grazing, biting, soothing with his tongue.
"Fuck—" he exhales, hands gripping at your hips, his forehead pressing against your shoulder for a second. Like he's catching his breath. Like this is overwhelming him.
You tilt his chin up, forcing him to look at you.
"Sunghoon."
His eyes flicker to yours, something wrecked flashing across his face before he swallows hard, his fingers tightening on your skin.
"Say it again."
His lips ghost over your collarbone, his breath unsteady. You shudder.
"Sunghoon."
That’s all it takes. Then—his mouth is on you, his hands everywhere, his body pressing against yours like he’s trying to crawl inside your skin.
He whispers your name over and over, between gasps and curses, between kisses that feel too much like confessions.
And when he finally pushes inside you, his forehead drops to yours, his breath heavy, his voice barely above a whisper.
"I missed you. You were my life, you were my life."
It’s not just sex. It never was. It’s him finally admitting what neither of you have said out loud. And you don't stop him.
Because you missed him too.
-
The air is warm, thick with the scent of sweat and skin and something distinctly Sunghoon. His body is still pressed against yours, not with the desperation of before but with something softer, something that lingers.
Your fingers trace absentminded patterns over his back, your body still humming from him, from this, from everything.
His hand is still resting against your hip, fingers brushing against your skin, like he’s memorizing the feeling, like he’s making sure it doesn’t disappear.
You let your eyes flutter shut for a moment, exhaling slowly. You could stay like this. You could let yourself be comfortable in this silence, in the warmth of his body, in the knowledge that—for once—you both stopped fighting.
But then, he shifts slightly, pressing his forehead against your shoulder before mumbling, “We should slow down.”
Your brows pull together slightly.
Did you hear that right? You open your eyes, tilting your head to glance down at him.
"What?"
Sunghoon exhales, leaning up on one elbow, his free hand still resting on your waist, thumb rubbing lazy circles against your skin.
"I mean, we don’t have to rush this," he says, voice quieter now, more careful. His eyes flicker over your face, something unreadable in them. "I don’t want to fuck this up again."
Your breath catches slightly.
He doesn’t want this to be just about sex. He doesn’t want to let himself have you only to lose you again. He wants to be careful with you.
But you nod anyway, pretending that the way your chest tightens isn’t real. "Okay."
Sunghoon raises an eyebrow. "Okay?"
"Mhm."
Then, slowly, you shift, straddling his waist, your fingers resting lightly on his chest.
Sunghoon stills immediately.
"What are you doing?" he asks, voice cautious, his hands instinctively coming to rest on your thighs.
Sunghoon’s head falls back against the couch, his jaw clenching. He wants to argue, you can tell, but the second you grind down again, all he manages is a sharp inhale, his fingers digging into your skin.
You smirk, tilting your head.
"I thought you wanted to take things slow."
His breath shudders. His grip on you tightens. Then he laughs—low, rough, almost amazed.
"You’re a fucking menace."
You barely have time to grin before he’s flipping you over, pressing you down into the cushions, his body caging you in.
"Slow?" he repeats, voice dropping, his lips hovering over your throat.
You try to keep up the act, but your breathing is already uneven, your body reacting to him before you can think.
"Isn’t that what you wanted?" you whisper, deliberately tilting your chin up in challenge.
Sunghoon exhales sharply, his lips barely ghosting over yours.
"I changed my mind."
You barely have time to react before his hands slide down your thighs, gripping, tugging, parting you for him again.
Your breath catches.
"Sunghoon–"
"No." He shakes his head, his mouth pressing against your jaw as he smirks. "No more talking."
His fingers move lower, teasing, pressing just enough to make you gasp. And that’s when you remember—he’s still recovering. Your hand shoots out, pressing against his chest.
"Wait."
Sunghoon stills, his brow furrowing slightly, his breathing uneven.
"You’re sick," you murmur, your lips brushing against his jaw. "Let me work for it instead."
His entire body tenses.
Your hands trail down his stomach, your fingers ghosting over the waistband of his sweatpants.
"You—" he tries, but his voice is hoarse now, breathless, wrecked.
You hum, tilting your head. "What?"
His jaw flexes.
Then, without another word, he lets himself fall back against the couch. His breath comes out shaky, his head tilting back, eyes fluttering shut.
"Then work for it."
-
It’s been a month since then and Sunghoon has finally fully returned to work.
He’s doing much better now. His energy is back, his balance has improved, and for the first time in what feels like forever, he actually looks like himself again.
You’re not sure what you expected when he came back. Maybe for things to go back to the way they were before, full of sharp remarks and tension that could snap a room in half. Or maybe for things to be awkward, unspoken things lingering between you in ways that made your employees suffer secondhand stress.
But instead? No one knows what the hell is happening anymore.
Because while you and Sunghoon aren’t exactly different, something has… shifted.
The first sign of something weird happening was the lack of fighting.
A month ago, meetings with both of you in the same room meant employees visibly sweating, taking deep breaths beforehand, and updating their wills in secret.
Now?
Now, Sunghoon pulls out a chair for you before sitting down. Now, you ask his opinion instead of shutting it down immediately. Now, he actually listens when you talk.
People are concerned.
📲 [Executive Team Group Chat] 👥 Sunoo, Riki, Jungwon, Misc. Employees
🐧 Sunoo: guys. wtf is going on.🐥 Jungwon: ??? 🐧 Sunoo: i just saw boss lady n ceo actually agree on something in a meeting. no insults. no glaring. NO ONE DIED.🐱 Riki: LIAR.🐧 Sunoo: i have receipts.
(Sunoo sends a screenshot of the meeting notes. The section labeled 'Conflict Resolution' is EMPTY. Unedited. No bloodshed.)
🐥 Jungwon: I mean. That’s… good? Right? 🐱 Riki: NO IT’S NOT GOOD. THIS IS LIKE WATCHING PARENTS WHO USED TO HATE EACH OTHER BE WEIRDLY FLIRTY. I’M TRAUMATIZED. 🐧 Sunoo: EXACTLY.
📲 [Legal Team Group Chat] 👥 You, Your Team
⚖️ Paralegal #1: So uh. Boss.⚖️ Paralegal #2: What the hell is going on with you and CEO Park?⚖️ Paralegal #3: Did we miss a memo? Is this a prank? Are you sedated?
You roll your eyes, already regretting checking your messages.
📲 [You → Legal Team]: What are you talking about?
⚖️ Paralegal #2: You didn’t threaten to resign after he questioned your contract amendments today. You just. Smiled??⚖️ Paralegal #3: YOU AGREED WITH HIM ON SOMETHING. WE ALL SAW IT.⚖️ Paralegal #1: YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING HE SAID.⚖️ Paralegal #2: YOU LAUGHED, BOSS. AT HIS JOKE.⚖️ Paralegal #3: Do we need to call HR? Blink if you’re in danger.
📲 [You → Legal Team]: Go do your jobs.
It happens after a late meeting. You and Sunghoon are the last ones leaving, walking toward the elevators. Everyone else is pretending to be busy, but they’re totally watching.
The elevator doors slide open. You step inside first, then turn slightly—instinctively holding out your hand. Sunghoon takes it.
Casually. Like it’s normal. Like you always do this. And then—he laces your fingers together.
The doors slide shut.
Riki visibly short-circuits.
📲 [Executive Team Group Chat]
🐱 Riki: GUYS I JUST SAW THEM HOLD HANDS. IN THE ELEVATOR. IN PUBLIC. I NEED TO LIE DOWN. 🐧 Sunoo: Riki. Riki are you there. 🐥 Jungwon: Someone sedate him before he starts screaming. 🐧 Sunoo: THAT’S IT I’M STARTING A BETTING POOL. HOW LONG BEFORE THEY GET MARRIED (AGAIN). 🐱 Riki: I CAN’T BREATHE.
-
The company gala had been suffocating. Hours of pretending, of schmoozing, of wearing polite smiles while the weight of Sunghoon’s gaze burned against your skin the entire night. He hadn’t touched you once. Not in front of the board members, not during the champagne toast, not even when his fingers brushed against yours as he handed you a drink.
But he was watching.
And now, in the backseat of his car, that restraint is gone.
The moment the driver pulls away from the curb, Sunghoon’s hand is on your thigh, gripping—hard. His palm is warm against the skin exposed by the slit of your dress, fingers flexing like he’s holding himself back, like he’s trying to decide how far he’ll let himself go.
He doesn’t speak.
You don’t either.
Because you both know where this is going.
The city blurs past the windows, streetlights flickering across his sharp jawline, his loosened tie, the slight rise and fall of his chest as he exhales.
And then—his hand slides higher.
Your breath catches.
"You knew exactly what you were doing tonight." His voice is low, almost amused, but there’s a sharp edge to it, something dark and controlled.
You shift slightly, not moving away, letting his fingers graze the crease of your inner thigh. "I don’t know what you’re talking about."
Sunghoon exhales a short laugh, but there’s no humor in it.
His hand tightens.
"You wanted me like this, didn’t you?" His fingers ghost over your clothed core, pressing just enough to make your legs twitch. "Parading around all night in this dress, pretending you weren’t soaking through your panties while you smiled at those executives."
Your stomach flips.
You don’t respond.
Sunghoon doesn’t need you to.
Because the moment you shift your legs slightly wider—silent permission—he knows.
And that’s when he loses it.
The car jerks to a sudden stop.
The driver turns slightly. “We’re at the—”
"We won’t be long," Sunghoon interrupts smoothly, his fingers already curling around your wrist.
Then, he yanks you into his lap.
You gasp at the sudden movement, hands bracing against his chest, but he doesn’t give you a second to adjust. His mouth is on yours before you can speak, rough and claiming, all tongue and teeth.
"You’re mine," he breathes against your lips, his hands gripping your ass as he pulls you flush against him. You can feel how hard he is beneath you, his cock straining against his pants, pressing against your clothed core.
"Say it."
You bite your lip, pretending to consider, just to piss him off. "Make me."
Sunghoon growls, his fingers twisting into your hair as he yanks your head back, exposing your throat. His mouth is on you immediately, biting, sucking, marking.
"My wife thinks she’s a fucking tease." His lips drag against your pulse, his voice dark, edged with something dangerous. "That’s cute."
His hands slide up your thighs, bunching your dress up to your hips. When his fingers hook into the waistband of your panties, he doesn’t bother taking them off. He just pulls, fabric tearing effortlessly in his grip.
"Sunghoon—"
"Shut up."
His hand moves between your legs, fingers dragging through your slick folds. He groans, his forehead pressing against your shoulder for half a second, like he’s barely holding himself together.
"You’re fucking soaked." His fingers circle your clit, slow, teasing, deliberate. "You really get off on being treated like a brat, don’t you?"
Your breath stutters. You hate how much his words affect you.
But Sunghoon notices.
He always does.
His free hand slides up your back, gripping the back of your neck before wrapping around your throat. He squeezes—not enough to cut off your air, but enough to make your pulse stutter beneath his fingers.
"Answer me."
You swallow, the pressure of his grip making your head spin.
"I—" Your voice catches when he presses down on your clit at the same time, two fingers slipping inside you. Your body jolts at the stretch, at the pressure, at the way he fills you without hesitation.
"That’s what I thought," he murmurs, his mouth brushing against your ear. "Always such a fucking mess for me."
His fingers work you open too fast, too rough, curling against the spot that makes you see stars. Your hips roll against his hand, chasing it, and Sunghoon laughs—low and wrecked.
"That desperate already?"
You don’t get a chance to respond before he’s flipping you onto your back, pressing you down against the leather seat.
Your head spins.
His hands are everywhere—gripping your thighs, spreading you open, dragging his cock through your slick folds before he presses against your entrance.
"You want it?" His voice is strained, his jaw tight.
"Yes—"
But he doesn’t give you time to beg.
Because in the next second—he’s inside you, all at once, filling you to the hilt.
Your back arches off the seat, a choked sound escaping your throat.
Sunghoon groans, his head dropping forward, his grip bruising where he holds your hips down. "Fuck—look at you. Taking my cock so fucking well."
You barely have time to breathe before he starts moving.
No easing into it. No gentleness.
Just rough, deep thrusts that knock the air from your lungs.
"You feel that?" His hand wraps around your throat again, squeezing just enough to make your vision blur at the edges. "This is what you wanted, wasn’t it? My wife acting like a whore all night just so I could fuck her stupid in the back of a car”
You moan, the humiliation making your skin burn in the best way.
"That’s right," he grits out, snapping his hips harder, his other hand gripping your thigh, pushing it higher. "Let me hear you."
The car rocks with the force of it, every thrust sending pleasure shooting through your spine. Your nails dig into his shoulders, your body shaking, your release already close, already—
"Come on, baby," he murmurs, his breath ragged, his forehead pressing against yours. "Come on my cock. Be a good fucking girl for me."
And you do.
You shatter beneath him, your body tensing, your thighs trembling as your orgasm crashes through you.
Sunghoon follows right after, his rhythm stuttering before he buries himself deep, his groan breaking into something almost desperate. His fingers flex against your throat before finally, finally, he lets go.
The car is silent except for your uneven breaths.
Sunghoon leans forward, pressing his lips to your forehead, softer now, his breathing still shaky. His fingers trail down your side, slow, absentminded, like he’s grounding himself.
The only sound in the car is the rhythmic rise and fall of your breathing, the occasional rustling of fabric as Sunghoon shifts slightly against you. The intensity of what just happened lingers between you, crackling in the air like an aftershock, leaving both of you too warm, too tangled, too unwilling to move just yet.
He’s still inside you, still pressed close, his body a solid weight over yours, grounding, steadying. Neither of you speak, and for a while, you simply let the quiet settle, let your fingers drift absently over his back, tracing slow, lazy shapes.His forehead is against yours, his breath deep and uneven, warm against your lips.
Eventually, he exhales, the sound low, almost satisfied, before tilting his head to press a slow, lingering kiss to your temple. His hand shifts from where it had been gripping your thigh, his touch gentler now, a stark contrast to how he had held you earlier—fierce, possessive, unwilling to let you go. Now, his fingers just rest against your skin, smoothing over the curve of your waist, the warmth of his palm familiar.
"You okay?" His voice is rough from exertion, still heavy with something raw and unspoken.
You hum, nodding slightly, your cheek brushing against his. You can’t quite find the words yet—your body still feels like it’s floating, caught between exhaustion and bliss.
Sunghoon shifts just slightly, pulling back just enough to look at you. His gaze sweeps over your face, studying you carefully, before his lips curve into a small, amused smile.
"I’ll take that as a yes." His fingers trace slow circles against your hip, his touch absentminded but deliberate, like he doesn’t quite want to stop touching you yet.
You blink up at him, still dazed, your limbs pleasantly heavy, your skin oversensitive in the best way. His words barely register before he shifts, withdrawing from you slowly. A quiet whimper catches in your throat at the loss, your body instinctively tightening around nothing.
Sunghoon notices.
His gaze darkens again, his jaw flexing slightly before he exhales through his nose, visibly restraining himself. He tilts his head, one brow raising ever so slightly, smug in a way that makes your stomach twist.
"Look at you," he murmurs, voice low, watching as his release slowly drips out of you, glistening on your inner thighs.His fingers trace your swollen entrance, dragging along the slick mess he’s made, spreading it just to watch you squirm.
"So messy," he muses, voice teasing but full of something heavier, more possessive.
Heat spreads across your cheeks, embarrassment creeping in at how wrecked you must look, your thighs still trembling, your breath uneven. You turn your head slightly, muttering under your breath, "Shut up."
Sunghoon chuckles, clearly too pleased with himself. His fingers move to tilt your chin up, forcing you to meet his gaze again.
"Don’t do that," he murmurs, his voice quieter now, lower, his thumb brushing over your bottom lip.
You frown slightly, not quite understanding. "Do what?"
His thumb presses just slightly harder, a silent reprimand, a reminder that he’s still in control.
"Act shy now," he says, watching you too closely, too knowingly. His smirk is slow, deliberate, confident in a way that makes your stomach flip. "You just let me fuck you stupid in the back of my car."
Your cheeks burn hotter, mortification creeping in. You scoff, shoving at his chest halfheartedly, but he doesn’t budge."I hate you."
His laughter is soft, low, a rumble against your skin as he presses another kiss—this time to your jaw, then lower, trailing lazily toward your throat.
"No, you love me."
You take a deep breath “I do.”
He looks surprised, shocked almost, “You– you do?”
You nod. “I do, ” you look at him expectantly, “You love me?”
He laughs deep and loud, a real laugh, grabs your face in his hands forcing you closer, “Baby, when did I ever stop?”
Before you can dwell on it, there’s a knock on the window.
You freeze.
Sunghoon sighs, clearly unfazed, barely even reacting before he reaches over to roll down the window slightly.
Outside, the driver stands with an expression so perfectly neutral it’s almost comedic, like this is just another Tuesday night for him.
"Mr. Park," he says, his tone entirely professional, unaffected. "Should I… call another car for you two?"
You bury your face in Sunghoon’s shoulder, mortified.
Sunghoon, as expected, looks completely unbothered.
"No need," he replies smoothly, his fingers absently stroking your thigh as if nothing had just happened. "We’ll be heading home in a bit."
The driver nods curtly, not even blinking. "I’ll be outside."
And then, just like that, he walks away.
You groan, still refusing to lift your head. "I can never face him again."
Sunghoon laughs softly, his hand sliding up to rub slow, soothing circles against your back.
"You’ll live, you love me." he murmurs, his voice warm, teasing, but laced with something softer. His fingers thread into your hair, tilting your head up just slightly. His lips brush against yours, slow, deliberate, like he’s savoring the moment.
"Let me clean you up."
You blink up at him, your chest tightening for reasons entirely unrelated to sex.
"You don’t have to—"
His hand tightens in your hair, not to hurt, just to keep you still. He shakes his head slightly, cutting you off before you can finish the thought.
"I want to," he murmurs, his lips brushing against yours again, softer this time. "I take care of what’s mine. Of what I love."
Something invisible but heavy lodges itself in your throat.
Because he means it. Because this isn’t just sex, or routine, or an easy way to pass the time. This is him showing you, in the quietest way possible, that he loves you.
And when he kisses you again, when he reaches for a tissue to carefully clean the mess between your thighs, when he murmurs something under his breath about how ‘his wife shouldn’t be walking around with his cum dripping down her legs’
You don’t ever want to lose this again.
EPILOGUE
It starts the same way it did last time.
The nausea creeps in slowly—subtle at first, nothing out of the ordinary. You assume it’s from overworking yourself, the stress of handling legal negotiations, or maybe even just the exhaustion of being married to a man who refuses to listen when you tell him to take breaks.
Sunghoon notices before you do.
At first, it’s little things—the way you lean against the counter a little longer in the mornings, the way your appetite fluctuates, the way you pause mid-sentence with a sudden grimace, like something doesn’t sit right in your stomach. He watches you closer than usual, his sharp eyes following you whenever you touch your lower abdomen absentmindedly, whenever you shake your head at food that you normally love.
And then, one morning, you feel it.
The moment you stand up from bed, a wave of nausea crashes into you so violently that you barely make it to the bathroom in time.
You hear him before you see him—footsteps, the rustling of sheets, the quiet, urgent sound of his voice calling your name as he reaches for you.
"Hey—what’s wrong?" Sunghoon is kneeling beside you in seconds, his hand warm and steady against your back, rubbing slow, grounding circles as you try to catch your breath. His fingers stroke through your hair gently, not rushing you, not asking anything else yet.
You grip the edge of the sink, exhaling shakily, your heartbeat too loud, your pulse erratic.
Because this feels familiar. Too familiar. And that’s when you know. Sunghoon stills when you don’t answer right away.
"Baby." His voice is softer now, careful. "Look at me."
Something unreadable flickers across his face—shock, realization, something dangerously close to hope.
He doesn’t ask. He doesn’t need to. Because he knows, too.
And that’s how you find yourself sitting on the bathroom floor minutes later, staring at the test clutched in your hands, the two pink lines undeniable.
Sunghoon sits beside you, his knee brushing against yours, his breathing measured but uneven. He doesn’t reach for it. He doesn’t take it from your hands.
Instead, he just looks at you.
"Are we...?" His voice is barely above a whisper, raw in a way you rarely hear.
Your fingers tighten around the test, your throat thick with emotion. You nod, swallowing hard before murmuring, "Yeah."
Sunghoon exhales, slow and unsteady, like he’s been holding his breath for years. His head tilts forward slightly, his eyes squeezing shut for a second before he lifts them back to you. His gaze is so full of something it knocks the air from your lungs.
"How do you feel?" he asks quietly.
You let out a soft, breathless laugh, part relief, part disbelief. "Like I might throw up again."
A short chuckle escapes him—not out of amusement, but out of something else, something lighter.
Then, slowly, he reaches for you.
His hands slide over your cheeks, fingertips pressing just slightly, like he’s trying to make sure you’re real, like he’s trying to ground himself in this moment. His thumb strokes over your cheekbone, his breath fanning against your lips as he leans in, close enough that you can feel the warmth of him, close enough that you can feel the slight tremble in his touch.
The positive test sits between you both, abandoned on the bathroom counter, but neither of you look at it anymore. You don’t need to.
Because all you can focus on is him—the way his chest rises and falls unsteadily, the way his lips part like he wants to say something but doesn’t quite know how.
And then, finally, he does.
"I won’t fail you this time."
His voice is rough, barely above a whisper, but it hits you harder than anything else.
Your breath catches in your throat, your fingers tightening slightly where they rest against his shoulders. His eyes are so unbearably soft when they meet yours, but there’s something else there, too—something raw, something desperate.
"I won’t lose you. I won’t lose them," he murmurs, his hands sliding to your waist, pulling you fully against him, like he can shield you from anything and everything that might try to take this from him again.
A lump forms in your throat, because this is what he’s been carrying.
This is what he never let himself say out loud.
"You never failed me, Sunghoon," you whisper, your fingers moving to cup his face, "We lost them together."
Sunghoon swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing.
"I should have held you. I should have been better. I should have—" His breath stumbles, and for the first time, you see it—the way his control wavers, the way the guilt still lingers, thick and unbearable.
"Hey." You press a hand against his chest, feeling the unsteady rhythm of his heartbeat beneath your palm. "You don’t have to do this alone anymore."
Sunghoon exhales sharply, his forehead pressing against yours.
"I don’t deserve this," he murmurs, his grip tightening around you.
"You do." You don’t hesitate. "And we’re going to do this right this time."
His breath shudders. And then—he kisses you.
It’s not like before. It’s not desperate, or punishing, or laced with frustration. It’s slow, deep, lingering. It’s an apology, a vow, a promise.
When he pulls away, his lips hover just above yours, his eyes searching, waiting for something.
"Stay," he whispers. "Stay with me. Stay here. Always."
You smile, pressing your forehead against his.
"I already did."
fin.
Taglist: @vrusha01 @cupiddolle @naurwayyyyy @ziiao @somuchdard @hveanlyanqelic @miuwonis @outroherrr @weyukinluv @riribelle @wonzbear @zhangyi-johee @randomanothercreature @wolfhardbby @httpenhoon @annovaz @seonhoon @lovelycassy @noidnoentry @btsreadss @linlianxin @icrieliterature @aussie-boys-wife @woniefull @ikeuwoniee @en-doll @ambi01 @thinkinboutbin @tobiosbbyghorl @semi-wife @fancypeacepersona @exhaleinhalepowder @firstclassjaylee @ijustwannareadstuff20 @nshmrarki
#enhypen#enhypen fic#enhypen fanfiction#enhypen smut#sunghoon x reader#park sunghoon x reader#enhypen scenarios#enhypen imagine#enhypen au#enhypen writing#sunghoon fic#sunghoon smut#enhypen angst#enhypen one shot#enhypen slow burn#kpop fanfiction#kpop smut#enhypen fic recs#park sunghoon fanfic#enhypen marriage au#enhypen chaebol au#rich people problems au#marriage in crisis au#marriage in crisis but make it painful#second chance romance#angst with a happy ending#mutual pining but they don’t realize it#slow burn but it’s destroying me#i should not be this emotionally invested in a fictional divorce#this is basically queen of tears but worse
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•°. *࿐ Simple yet full tutorial on how to manifest your dream life!
I will mention everything in this post! so if you comment something like “can i still manifest—“ or “how do i—“ it will be ignored! everything in this post goes by MY beliefs, you don’t have to change what you believe in! just understand these are what i’ve grown to believe/know. Enjoy the post! (also i’m not changing my theme i just think these colors go with topic i’m talking about. I WILL be a bit passive aggressive in this post so try not to get butt-hurt! i’m very straightforward with it.
╰┈➤ Step 1: Bury the old you for good. say goodbye to the old you.
are you the person who was, over-consuming information? couldn’t get off of tumblr because you assumed you needed to find more?, are you the person who keeps saying “i’m finally starting this time” just to get consumed by doubts and play the old story ONCE again?. are you the person who sobs in their room bed-rotting reading success stories so it can give you that “motivation”? oh but how you wish that were you? are you the person who keeps falling back into the old cycle?, are you the person who keeps thinking they need to be specific about their desires because you think if you aren’t “specific enough” you won’t fully get what you want? are you the person who keeps dwelling on the 3D for validation when they clearly know thats not what they’re supposed to do but continue it anyway? if you said yes ANY of this which i’m sure you did, then congratulations you made it to the right stop! because i’m here to burn that version of you. from now on you will become a better version of yourself, you WILL change self and you have absolutely no choice but to follow along with that fact. starting TODAY, THIS SECOND, NOW, NOW, NOW, NOW. you are no longer dwelling on the 3D, you are no longer the person who “just can’t do it”, you are no longer the person who “can’t manifest”. you are no longer the person who over-consumes. you are no longer the person who doom scrolls, you are no longer the person who isn’t trusting of themselves. YOU ARE NOW A CHANGED PERSON. you will promise to yourself RIGHT NOW that you will never dig up this old version of you again. you will promise to walk by faith and not by sight, you will promise to trust the unseen, you will promise yourself to win. burn and destroy the shovel that you’ve constantly used to dig your own grave that prevents you from success. you will win in this lifetime and the next and forever. your promise has been sealed, don’t break it.
╰┈➤ Step 2: Make your own rules in your reality.
if you understand, you know law of assumption is basically about making assumptions and you make assumptions EVERY-SINGLE-DAY 24/7. so use the law of assumption to your advantage and don’t feel guilty about it either because this is YOUR reality! nobody has a say in what rules you’re not supposed to have. make it fun for you. for example; You assume everything you do is the right way. then by LAW, BY LAW! everything you do is the right way, wether that be, making assumptions, persisting correctly, living in the end correctly, being in the wish fulfilled correctly. EVERYTHING YOU DO is the right way to do it because thats YOUR rule you decided to have. you wanna assume another rule? okay make it. decide thats your rule and live your life following those rules you make. you are LIMITLESS, don’t punish yourself because you make rules that maybe seen as crazy or too egoistic. this is your personal journey so don’t feel obligated to tell anyone you don’t wanna tell them. you are above everything. nothing exists outside of you.
╰┈➤ Step 3: Decide.
decide, decide, decide, decide, DECIDE. decide you have whatever it is that you want that you have it NOW. thats all you have to do to literally win. there really isn’t much about this topic because you decide every day. to get what you want is to simply decide you have it now. don’t say you don’t know how to decide because thats bs, you know how to decide you’re just scared you’re deciding the “wrong way”. hence to why i said “You assume everything you do is the right way. then by LAW, BY LAW! everything you do is the right way, wether that be, making assumptions, persisting correctly, living in the end correctly, being in the wish fulfilled correctly.” decide you make decisions the right way. and there’s literally no right way to make a decision but some of you are a bit dense (no shade!) but some of you need to have a feeling you’re doing something “right” so you can feel successful. please stop over complicating the simplest things. you’re grown so act like it, we shouldn’t have to keep spoon feeding you.
╰┈➤ Step 4: For the last final time surrender to imagination.
imagination is the only reality, it’s literally everything, the inner world (4D) is everything the outer world (3D) is just a reflection. in imagination you can be EVERYTHING if you wanna be the girl/guy who’s better than everyone at everything then you can be that in imagination, wanna be richer than elon? then you are in imagination, wanna have elsa’s powers? then you have it in imagination, wanna be a vampire? then you are in imagination, wanna switch lives with someone? then you’ve switched lives with someone in imagination. once you experience it in imagination then IT IS DONE. ITS MATERIALIZED, you’re not waiting for anything anymore because it already happened. all your focus goes to the 4D (imagination). i didn’t say ignore the 3D keep taking care of yourself but i just want you to understand your success is inevitable! once experienced in the inner world the OUTER WORLD, is automatically doing its job to reflect that for you. so why are you constantly getting mad at the 3D for doing its job? it reflects what you consistently put your awareness on it reflects what you claim to have in imagination, it reflects everything you make natural to yourself. a’lot of you are hellbent on trying to get results in the 3D. you have results already in the goddamn 4D. stop waiting for something you already have. its not coming. it’s already THERE. you HAVE it. creation is finished. so surrender to the 4D, fall in love with imagination. if you have it in imagination you have it now, nothing can take that away from yourself unless YOU say you don’t have it anymore. quit giving yourself mixed signals. this isn’t one of your situationships. this is YOU we’re talking about. don’t be a loser in your own reality.
╰┈➤ Summary.
this is your final push. you can manifest absolutely anything, you are not limited to anything, circumstances do not matter, THEY NEVER DID, always pay attention to what you tell yourself, you’re in control of everything. don’t withhold yourself from success, because if you won’t do in this reality you will never win. besides in that other reality you’re the worlds most handsome/beautiful person ever. you’re also on your 3rd world tour rn! and jeez are you rich, you made poor elon musk cry! must be nice being you in that other reality! identify with it. ⋆。゚☁︎。⋆。 ゚☾ ゚。⋆
#imagination creates reality#law of assumption#lawofassumption#manifesting#loa tumblr#permashifting#shiftblr#loablr#loassblog#neville goddard#void state#void
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Stepping Up
Pairing: oscar piastri x spouse!reader
summary: when tragedy strikes Oscar’s in-laws, the Piastri’s step up.
a/n: needed to write something angst and this is what happened.
Warnings: Parental Death
Masterlist
Phone Call, Family Lawyer
Private Messages, Oscar and y/n

f1gossip

liked by user, user, user, and 728,823 others
f1gossip: Uh-Oh! Something seems to be wrong in the world of Oscar Piastri, seen here rushing away from the Chinese GP despite his stunning win.
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user1: I hope everything is ok…
↳user2: I wonder what’s it’s all about…
↳user1: I suspect we’ll find out
user3: do you think it has anything to do with y/n? They weren’t at the GP and they’ve said they love the Chinese one!
↳user4: oh that’s a good point!
↳user5: oh I love y/n and Oscar
↳user6: they are such a cute couple!
↳user3: this is all making me hope I’m wrong…
↳user4: ngl me too — Oscar almost never runs off like that and for it to maybe include y/n?!?
user7: ok so i know he’s like rushing and maybe panicking but like? He’s so adorable?!?
↳user8: omg thank you for saying that i thought i was the only one
user9: sending good thoughts and vibes their way, if something has gone wrong…
user10: some gossip from the paddock is that not even Zak or Andrea knew why Oscar left in such a rush
↳user11: oh man that’s really not a good sign…
↳user12: not at all…
Private Messages, Zak and Oscar

Bluesky
user12: shit really??
user13: who?!
user14: ok but it would be fucking hilarious if this was about Max and Kelly?!?
↳user15: hilarious but that’s been known forever
user16: ok but who is it talking about?!
↳user17: Well it’s not the Ferrari or Alpine men
↳user18: not the Williams or Haas men either…
↳user19: just did a deep dive on the revolving door of Redbull and Racing Bull drivers — not likely
↳user20: I don’t think it could be any of the rookies??
↳user21: probably not George and Lance doesn’t have another girlfriend (that we’re aware of)
↳user22: Fernando or Nico??
↳user23: that’s my guess
↳user24: I’m gonna go wild shot and say Y/N Piastri!
↳user25: and I’m gonna say you’re crazy!
↳user26: they’ve never talked about kids and y/n has been so open about their life — it’s not them
f1gossip

liked by user, user, user and 827,382 others
f1gossip: Movers spotted going in and out of the Piastri residence in England! Is this the end for our favorite McLaren couple?
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user27: it better fucking not be
↳user28: your honor they’re my emotional support couple — they can’t be split up…
↳user27: you get me
user29: ok where are you getting this from?! They could literally just be getting new furniture or something?!?
↳user30: this looks like they’re taking EVERYTHING from their house though…
user31: what if y/n is the one who had a kid from a previous relationship?!
↳user32: don’t even speak that into existence
↳user31: no but listen — y/n misses the Chinese GP (despite saying it’s among their favorites and saying they’d be there)
↳user31: then Oscar is seen rushing from the race and then goes silent for like 2 weeks
↳user31: during that time we get a gossip piece that a racer’s partner has kids from a previous relationship
↳user31: and now there’s movers in front of the Piastri house?!
↳user31: Oscar found out about the kids and they’re breaking up about the secret
↳user33: I’ll agree with everything but the last bit — I think they’re moving to make space for a kid in their lives
↳user32: I like that thought more
f1partners

liked by user, user, user, and 493,923 others
f1partners: Missing in action! Y/N Piastri, Oscar’s spouse, has been absent for a third GP in a row — a shocking twist compared to last year when the Piastri’s ruled the paddock! Trouble in paradise or just a break in the chaos?
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user34: hey! Let’s normalize leaving them alone???
user35: they don’t have to go to every single race you know?!?
user36: let’s be real here — those 2 are so disgustingly in love, let’s stop it with the break up rumors??
↳user37: so true! They’ve literally never looked at anyone else ever
user33: user31 more proof I think! Y/N is definitely staying home to help the kid acclimate
↳user31: I’m starting to agree…
user38: ummm if Oscar is free…
↳user39: I want to know if they need a third!
↳user40: ok user38 you can have Oscar but I’d do some major crimes for even a moment of y/n’s time
↳user41: mood
Private Messages, Oscar and y/n

f1_updates

liked by user, user, user, and 627,823 others
f1_updates: Post Oscar’s win in Saudi Arabia, he seemingly dodged all questions related to his spouse, Y/N Piastri, and the persistent rumors of an imminent divorce. More proof of trouble?
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user42 or maybe he just wants to talk about his race???
↳user50: right? Like ask him about stuff that actually matters!
user51: god i wish people would just leave it alone???
↳user52: someone who gets me. like what does it matter if he and his partner are having issues or not??
↳user53: we’re here to watch him race, not speculate over his relationship status
↳user54: ^^^^
user56: I know it’s because he’s annoyed but god he’s so hot
↳user57: ngl i was watching yuki in the back being a cutie
↳user58: so real for that
Private Messages, Oscar and y/n

mclaren

liked by y/n, oscarpiastri, landonorris and 2,822,293 others
tagged: y/n, oscarpiastri
mclaren: Watch out Imola! The Piastri’s have arrived!
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user59: 3 kids?!?
↳user60: my jaw? Dropped!
y/n: Oh McLaren admin you didn’t have to roll out the red carpet!
↳mclaren: anything for our favorite Australian and his family!
↳y/n: you spoil me liked by mclaren
oscarpiastri: glad to have you guys here 😃
↳y/n: we wouldn’t want to be anywhere else
user61: ohmygod the Piastri’s are so cute!
↳user62: they really really are
charles_leclerc: does this make me a grandfather?
↳oscarpiastri: it does, yes
↳y/n: family dinner Tuesday
↳charles_leclerc: I’ll be there!
landonorris: uncle Lando to the rescue!
↳y/n: rescue from what??
↳landonorris: your ice cream-less existence!
↳y/n: you’re watching them when the sugar high hits liked by oscarpiastri
oscarpiastri and y/n

liked by landonorris, charles_leclerc, logansargeant, and 1,834,734 others
oscarpiastri and y/n: Earlier this year, tragedy struck our family when y/n’s parents unexpectedly passed away in a car crash. In the aftermath, our lives were turned upside down when we took custody of y/n’s younger siblings. Since then, as many people have noticed, y/n has taken a step away from Formula 1 to focus on helping their siblings acclimate to a new life. As we continue to settle into our new normal, we ask for a measure of privacy and of grace — we’re happy together and that’s not going to change.
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user63: oops
↳user64: I bet some people are feeling very stupid right now
landonorris: make some space cause uncle Lando is on his way!
↳y/n: if you have any kind of candy or sweet food on you, turn your ass right around
↳user65: Shut. Down.
↳landonorris: 😣😣
user66: ok I’ve only had the Piastri’s for like a week but if anything happened to them, I’ll kill everyone then myself
↳user67: big mood
logansargeant: space for an American?
↳y/n: always Lo 🧡
charles_leclerc: how do you guys feel about dogs?
↳y/n: very enthusiastic
↳alex_albon: good because we’re converging on your house with furry cuddles
↳y/n: that’s gonna make some rounds on the internet Alex
↳alex_albon: regretted it immediately
user33: I told you all
↳user31: yes you did
Taglist
Please interact with my taglist post if you want to join — I don’t always check the notes on the individual posts
@anamiad00msday @suns3treading @daniskywalkersolo @awritingtree @justheretoreadthxxs @lost4lyrics @freyathehuntress @angelluv16 @nichmeddar @justaf1girl @a-beaverhausen @tallrock35 @il0vereadingstuff @widow-cevans @1-of-my-many-obsessions @charlesgirl16 @anunstablefangirl @princessesgarden @galaxygurlll @shelbyteller @ihaveitprinteddout @allthings-fandom @mountainshuman @moonypixel @nikfigueiredo @daisydaze111 @deephideoutmilkshake @mimisweetz @books-fangirl-books @woderfulkawaii @fastandcurious16 @lilyofthevalley-09 @rexit-mo @alessa-the-enchantress @1800-love-me @greantii @toodeepintofandoms @tukes @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @lecfosimaxbull @dramaticpiratellamas @devilacot @supernatural-harrypotter7 @nightrose-18 @alexxavicry @vhkdncu2ei8997 @purplephantomwolf @shadowreader07 @spilled-coffee-cup @stuffyownswrld
#f1 smau#f1 imagine#f1#f1 fanfic#f1 x you#f1 instagram au#f1 x reader#fatherhood looks good on you#formula 1 imagine#formula 1 fanfic#formula 1 smau#oscar piastri smau#oscar piastri x y/n#gender neutral reader#oscar piastri x you#oscar piastri imagine#oscar piastri#oscar piastri fanfic#oscar piastri x reader#formula 1 social media au#formula 1 instagram au#formula 1 x y/n#formula 1 x you#formula 1 x reader#formula one x reader#formula 1#formula one#formula one x y/n#formula one x you#formula one x gender neutral reader
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TOO CLOSE ⠀⭑ 𝗂’𝗆 𝗌𝗈 𝗂𝗇𝗍𝗈 𝗒𝗈𝗎



𝐀𝐂𝐓 𝐈𝐕 𝗍𝗈 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗆, 𝖽𝗒𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖿𝖾𝖾𝗅𝗌 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗉𝗎𝗅𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺𝗐𝖺𝗒 𝖿𝗋𝗈𝗆 𝖺 𝗄𝗂𝗌𝗌
𝟏𝟎𝟏𝟎𝒾──── enhypen 𝗑 f!rea ✿ fluff 𓂋 kissing skinship ❞ 𝒄𝒂𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒈𝒖𝒆 。
rbs ! ✶ 𝗔 𝗞𝗜𝗦𝗦
HEESEUNG cradles your face when you kiss, as if you are the most precious thing in existence. he knows, from the moment you put your hands above his, what is going to happen— he dislikes the sole idea of it. he wishes he could kiss you forever, never ever stop, the alarm in his head goes off when you try to pull away. he groans when your lips are not on his anymore, his eyes flutter open at the same time as yours. “are you okay, baby?” he questions the grimace on your face. you don’t answer, turning your head to the side before sneezing. he can’t help but laugh at the lovely sight, “you’re so fucking cute,” he says, diving back in.
JAY hates when it happens. he despises it. how he is so focused on your m outh, on pressing his lips against yours so eagerly yet gently. he doesn’t like when he feels so good, so free, so relieved kissing his beautiful girl. he loves to taste your fruit colored lipstick. his phone rings: one, two, three times. alas for whoever is calling, he doesn’t care— he wants to kiss you for as long as he can, until he can’t break anymore. “jay,” you say against his mouth, soon cut by another kiss from him, “jay—you—” he doesn’t even let you talk. it’s a miracle when you finally pull away, “you need to answer this, no?” too focused on your lips, he barely hears you. he leans in again, “they can wait.”
JAKE gets sad so easily, gets pouty so fast. he is always into it, into you— he drowns in the pleasure of your lips on his. his entire body shivers at the sole contact of your fingers in his hair, he stares when your mouths touch, he loves to kiss you. especially when your lips are so pretty. covered in your brand new lip combo. one kiss gets him in such a daze, he can’t stop but leans more and more. you smile despite the kiss when he follows your lips as you try to pull away. the whine that leaves his mouth makes your pulse rise up, “please.” when you open your eyes, his own are still closed, eyebrows furrowed and lips pouting. “you are ruining my makeup,” you laugh. jake groans, hiding his face in your neck.
SUNGHOON is a very passionate kisser. his mind goes completely blank when you lips touch. he forgets all his senses if it’s not touch or taste. he lets his instinct control his entire body, only thinking of you and your body pressed against his. more often than not, his body decides to make his deepest wishes come true— like making you climb on his lap or lifting you off the floor or, in this specific situation, biting your lower lip with his sharpened fangs. the funniest thing is that he is confused when you pull away, “sunghoon,” you laugh quietly. his eyes open and his lips are still puckered, “did you just bite me?” the tall man seems to regain consciousness at the exact moment, “uh,” a smirks creeps on his face, the tip of his tongue touch one of his fangs, “yeah, can i do it again?”
SUNOO knew that the movie wasn't going to be watched anyway. although, you both spent thirty minutes looking for one both of you would like. he knew that he would spend the first minutes doing nothing but thinking of the right time to kiss you. he knew that his only mission was to kiss you— he aimed for his goal and hit. in less than ten minutes you were sitting on his lap, kissing the soul out of him. everything was perfect; the movie long forgotten and the sound of your wet kisses filling his ears. perfect. until you decided that it’s a good idea to break the kiss. “hey,” his voice is hoarse, eyelids locked and lips swallowed, “come back here.” you only giggle and he guesses you are turning off the tv, that it won’t take long but he is already growing impatient. “so eager,” you whisper, leaning back in. he hums in your mouth as the kiss starts.
JUNGWON misses you all the time. even when he is the one who needs to go abroad, even when he isn’t gone yet; the fact that he is going to be far away from you breaks his heart. perhaps, it could be for a short period of tile, but it will feel like a lifetime. he wa supposed to leave over twenty minutes ago now, but he runs back to you the moment he was too close to the door for his own liking. you let him jail him with his embrace with a huge smile,on your face— if you could choose, you’ll never let him leave. but you have to, even if he is a very goo kisser and the way he lifts you up makes your entire body burn with need, he has to take his plane. “won,” you whisper his name between kisses. he hums, inviting you to continue, “you’ll miss your plane.” he kisses you even harder, as if he took your comment as a challenge: “i don’t care, i want you.”
RIKI gives the kind of kiss that makes your stomach flutter with a dozen butterflies. his lips makes your heart open full bloom, your entire body goes warm as if touched by the summer sun and your emotions are replaced with pure glee. riki does make you nervous, a lot. whether he is doing nothing or the most, he never fails to make you giggle shyly. and, for sure, especially when you are kissing. you starts giggling and he is contaminated by your sweet laugh. you end up being unable to kiss him more, as your cheeks hurt from how hard you are smiling. “i’m sorry,” you laugh, not sorry at all. riki doesn’t seem bothered. he lets you burry your laughing face in his chest.
분지 ܃ well i wrote this for whiny jake ☺️
taglist open 。
#⠀𝑓 ⟡⠀命运’𝑠 ⠀#enhypen#enhypen imagines#enhypen fluff#enhypen x reader#enhypen scenarios#enhypen headcanons#enhypen angst#enhypen drabbles#enhypen smau#enha fluff#enha smau#heeseung#heeseung x reader#jay#jay x reader#jake#jake x reader#sunghoon#sunghoon x reader#sunoo#sunoo x reader#riki#riki x reader#enhypen reactions#enha scenarios#enha imagines#enhypen soft hours#enhypen soft thoughts#enha soft hours
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soft rafe hours
soft!bf!rafe x reader
warnings: barely proofread, use of y/n once, really soft and mushy!
this is my first time actually writing anything fan fic related so idk if this is good or not.. sorry in advance for the people that follow me because of jj or "right in front of you" but when I made this blog I was in my jj phase and now I'm in my rafe one, so sorry! hope you like it !!
the title is so cringy help me
summary: nobody ever saw rafe like this—so soft. well, except for you, especially during soft rafe hours: at night after a long day, when you’re asleep, when he first wakes up, when you’re sick or hurt, after an argument, on rainy days, and even sometimes in bed. you loved this side of him, even if he only showed it to you. people see him as the confident, smug rafe cameron, but one phone call reveals just how different he truly is.
more under the cut!
after tossing and turning the entire night, slumber is finally taking over your eyelids. just as they start to close… ping! you could've sworn you left your phone on silent? after groaning about it and wondering who it could be, it clicks.
ping! it's rafe. this has become a familiar trend now, him not being able to sleep so he texts and texts until you reply.
ping! until you two call.
ping! you consider just ignoring it, ping! but how could you? it's rafe. plus, if you even tried to ignore him, he would come over and break the door down if he had to.
ping! you eventually open your phone, your eyes closing instinctively at the blinding brightness, six texts from rafe.
rafey:
2:14am
hey baby you up? i miss you
rafey:
2:32am
baby? are u up? y/n?
you saw him yesterday. you’re not sure what’s going on, but you suspect it has something to do with ward, given his clingy behavior.
2:35am
hey rafey
rafey:
did i wake you? sorry baby
you lie. you don't want to make him feel bad.
no no dw baby i was watching something
rafey:
oh okay can we call? couldnt sleep without you i miss you
five seconds later, you call him. “hey baby,” you hear his quiet, soft, yet raspy sleepy voice first.
“hi,” you reply tiredly.
“i missed you,” he says, and you can practically hear the radiant smile in his voice.
“how was your day?” you just had a blissfully lazy day today, some shopping on the side.
“good, i went shopping and saw that whiskey you like on the shelf, reminded me of you,” you grin over the phone.
“mm, good,” you hear him mumble out. “just missed your voice,” he continues. “couldn’t sleep without hearing you first, baby.” that’s cute.
“awh, i love you, baby,” you reply, your tired but don’t want to stay silent; you know he needs this.
“i missed you today,” rafe murmured after a beat, his voice rougher now, more raw. “whole day just felt wrong without you in it.” your chest tightened slightly, in the best way as a blush crept onto your cheeks. he said stuff like this all the time; you don’t think you would ever get over it.
“you make everything better, without even trying,” he pauses, taking in a soft breath. “like… just existing.” you didn’t know what to say, so you settled for a soft, “i missed you too, rafey.”
rafe hummed on the other side of the line, clearly content with that answer. the call goes silent for a minute, the only sound both of your soft breaths that blended together.
“don’t hang up,” he mumbled, his voice hard to get the point across but softened immensely. “jus’… stay, okay?” he whispered, and you agreed with a soft hum.
there was another long pause, and then, so quiet you could’ve thought you imagined it, a little, “love you so much, baby,” slipped past rafe’s lips. you held a chuckle in before responding, “i love you too, rafey, goodnight.” but by the time you said that, rafe was fast asleep, his breath slowing down as the gentle trance of sleep pulled him in.
as you lay there, wrapped in the warmth of his soothing voice, you felt your own eyelids grow heavy, surrendering to a peaceful slumber where everything felt right.
this is wayyyy too short stop
#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x reader#drew starkey#alwaysmaybank#outer banks#phone#fanfic#outerbanks rafe#rafe obx#rafe x reader#rafe fanfiction#rafe outer banks#fluff#soft!rafe x reader#soft!rafe cameron
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i had to speak about this because this is genuinely eating me alive. so fucking disappointing and upsetting.
i swear, some of y’all are the most disrespectful, entitled people i’ve ever seen. what the actual fuck is wrong with you? the kids are finally on the south american leg of their world tour, their first time in brazil, and instead of giving them the love and respect they deserve, some of you are out here acting like complete clowns.
stalking their hotel? crowding outside and filming them while they’re on the goddamn balcony? are you kidding me? they can’t even step out to breathe without a fucking camera shoved in their face. that’s not admiration, that’s obsession. and not the good kind.
and then they go to the beach, probably thinking they could relax and enjoy a moment of peace.. but no. y’all are out there too, filming them like they’re fucking zoo animals. make it make sense !!!!! what part of the word 'privacy' is so hard to understand? these are real people. human beings. the level of audacity is insane. do you even realize how suffocating that must feel? they’re literally on the other side of the world from home, wanting to meet their fans, their supporters from around the world, excited but probably exhausted, and this is how you treat them? so fucking disappointing.
but no, it doesn’t stop there, because of course it doesn’t! let’s talk about the absolute vile shit that happened after the chile concert. some of you had the nerve, no, the fucking gall.. to bash chan. over what? ghosting bubble for a week? after his group was mobbed at the airport? after one of his teammates nearly fell because of fans trying to stick to them? really?
a line of enlightenment, he’s not your personal entertainment service. he’s a human with a life, responsibilities, and feelings. he needed a damn break. he deserved it. maybe he was tired. maybe he just wanted to exist without the constant pressure of pleasing millions of people. but no, that’s too much for some of you to comprehend.
and then, when he finally comes back, the first thing he does is check in on his home country. because, in case you missed it, oh wait, you didn’t, you just didn’t care— sk was dealing with wildfires. literal, destructive wildfires. but y’all wanted him to just pretend that didn’t exist? the man asked if the weather was okay in his home country, and you psychos lost your shit.
calling him slurs? cursing him out? saying he only cares about k-stays? because he dared to check on his country? some of you even said you’re selling your concert tickets like that’s some sort of punishment. quite frankly, do it, i dare you. better and sensible stays are out there who actually deserve to attend their concert. go sell your tickets. stray kids don’t need “fans” like you there.
and what makes it worse? chan probably saw all of that. every disgusting comment. y’all made him feel like shit. you really sat behind your screens and tore down the most caring, selfless man who has done everything for his team pretty much his family, those around him, his company, and the fandom. after all the sleepless nights, the constant work, the emotional labor, this is what he gets? and then he comes back to bubble. those messages. are you fucking serious? that broke me. that genuinely broke me.
chan doesn’t deserve this. none of the guys do. i’m so goddamn tired of this toxic shit. y’all claim to love them, but the second they don’t cater to your every whim, you turn on them like a pack of wolves. being a stay isn’t about getting constant attention. it’s not about thinking you own them. it’s about supporting them, respecting them, and appreciating everything they do. if you can’t do that, leave. nobody fucking wants you here.
and before anyone says, 'but i didn’t do any of that!' — good! then this isn’t about you. but if you ever catch yourself excusing this behavior, staying silent while your so-called stay-friends act like actual bitches, or brushing it off as 'just criticism,' then yeah, you’re part of the problem. and i’m done sugarcoating that shit.
protect skz. respect skz. and for the love of everything, leave chris alone. i’m fucking done.
#﹙🍡﹚ yani won't shut up! ︵⠀⊹⠀#bangchan#stray kids chris#stray kids#skz#skz x reader#stray kids x reader#skz fluff#drabbles#skz ff#skz imagines#stray kids drabble#stray kids prompts#stray kids icons#雅妮 𓂃 𓈒𓏸. 𐔌❤︎ ͡꒱
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𝜗𝜚 humanizing your dr — and why you don't necessarily need it.



.𖥔 ݁ ˖⌗﹒ there are countless posts that will help you "humanize your dr", in other words, make it seem a bit more "realistic". now, although i am not against it, i mean sure, it's great for visualization, i'm not entirely for it, because it's following the premise that shifting requires a detailed process, requires specific steps in order to do it, and that's just not true.
i have seen many shifting content creators (specially on shifttok (get out of there) (seriously)) claiming that the reason why you haven't shifted yet is because you put your dr on a pedestal, then they proceed to "humanize it", listing a bunch of struggles you might encounter when you shift.
now, let me make clear the bottom line of this post: the way you perceive your desired reality does NOT influence whether you shift or not.
when someone claims that the way you perceive your dr is wrong, or that is something that needs to be changed/improved, they are reinforcing the idea that in order to shift you NEED something, you need to do certain things. (and thats WRONGGGGGHSJSHQGGAG)
shifting is simply putting your perception of this reality to another. that's it. that is the definition of shifting, that is the only thing you actually need to do.
as long as you keep endlessly looking for ways to try and stop putting your dr on a pedestal, the more you will keep persisting on the idea that something NEEDS to be changed, that shifting is this whole difficult process. and if you're familiar with the law of assumption, you already know where this is going, persisting = manifesting it into reality. and just like that, you end up in this loop of searching for something that doesn't exist in the first place.
also, this goes hand in hand with the fact that you don't necessarily need visualization. i do believe it's a great tool to shift, at least for me, but not a must due to the same reason i already listed above. so if you're not great with it, stop stressing about it.
so, it genuinely doesn't matter if you put your dr on a pedestal or if you don't even care for it as much — you are already there, the only thing you'll do is perceive it.
"alright izzy, nice! but how do i change my perception to there, then?"
ehhh, it's not really changing, it's more about recognizing it, because, like i said, you are already there. once again, nothing NEEDS to be CHANGED, stop chasing that "something", stop living in that illusion.
as to how you actually recognize it, i can't really tell you something concrete because it's different for everyone, and i'm sure you've seen thousands of methods, some may work better for you then others. what you can do is implement this new info into your attempts. (still, i can make a post explaining what works for me and why it does)
in other words: put your dr on a pedestal all you want, it's okay. WHY would that even stop you lmao?
also, lil side note: but i HATEEE when people say "humanizing your dr" (as in telling you that's what's stopping you from shifting) and then list a bunch of stuff like "oh you'll stub your toe!" "you'll get sick" "you'll break your nail!" mf if i shift to a reality where that doesn't happen simply because i am a god, then what. THEN WHAT. not everything needs to be realistic or logical. gosh. (it's fine if u do it just for visualizing tho)
that is all, byebye & go shift
#.☘︎ ݁˖ izzy's advice ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁#shifting community#shifting#shifting moots#shiftblr#shifting blog#kpop shifting#loassumption#law of assumption#loa#shifting tips#shifting motivation#shiftingrealities#desired reality#shifters#reality shifting#shifting diary
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“I've done something wrong again. It's not moving.”
There was a lot of stuff spread out in front of him. Old spare parts, pieces of armor, tools. Lots of warped plates.
And his creation. A real golem. An entity woven of metal and magic.
Shockwave walked around the table and stopped right above the head of the figure lying on it
“Golems exist to serve, my friend. It won't move unless you ask it to.”
Orion clutched his servos. The figure remained stone still. There was no ventilation noise, no engine sound, not even the barely audible spinning of a spark. It could just as easily have been a long-cooled dead body lying in front of him.
“Wake up.”
___________________ Part 2->
Magical Golem Prowl anyone? ‘,:) This story exists in the same universe as Spellbound au. and Monster hunter au and ties them together so I highly recommend you read all of them.
The fic under the cut⤵️
He seemed to be nothing.
The emptiness that infinitely defined his nonexistent self bounced off the metal plates and glinted in the droplets of still-warm energon. He was nothing, but there was so much around him that the space was like an infinite buzz of cluttered noise. The voices above him sounded excited. The metal slab beneath him was cold and hard.
“Good. Now you need to put a piece of your armor on this. Somewhere it will be in plain sight and easily reachable.”
“Oh...wouldn't it make more sense to hide it under the armor? I mean, it's an obvious weak point.”
He idly thought, his hands felt numb.
“No no, that's the whole point. You're using an artifact you haven't fully studied and you don't know exactly how it's going to turn out. If it goes crazy and becomes dangerous, you should have an easy way to destroy it. Where's the artifact by the way?”
The tinkling of metal.
The sound of a crystal clattering against armor.
Warm hands on his head.
“Here.”
“Excellent. Now. This will be the base on which the entire spell will be held, so you want to hide this artifact very well and secure it carefully so it doesn't break by mistake.”
Did he have hands too? He was nothing, why did he have hands? It didn't make sense.
Orion took a couple steps away from the table and stood pensively.
“I've done something wrong again. It's not moving.”
There was a lot of stuff spread out in front of him. Old spare parts, pieces of armor, tools. Lots of warped plates.
And his creation. A real golem. An entity woven of metal and magic.
Shockwave, hitherto distracted by an almost invisible spot on his shoulderplate, glanced leisurely over Orion's shoulder
“Golems don't need much to function. You made a good shell. The magical structure is strong as well, I see.”
Orion hesitantly pointed to the golem's forehead, decorated with a neat sharp chevron.
“I added some things that weren't in your instructions and I think I made a mistake somewhere.”
“Golem making is a complex skill, don't give up if it doesn't work right awa...you know what, actually no, you did everything right.”
Orion shrugged in frustration.
“Then why won't it move?”
Shockwave walked around the table and stopped right above the head of the figure lying on it
“ Golems exist to serve, my friend. It won't move unless you ask it to.”
Orion walked back over to the table with a quiet “oh” and nervously clutched his servos. The figure remained stone still. There was no ventilation noise, no engine sound, not even the barely audible spinning of a spark. It could just as easily have been a long-cooled dead body lying in front of him.
“Wake up.”
The emptiness that forever defined his nonexistent self stammered. He wasn't nothing. He had a purpose and that purpose shaped him, put strength into his numb limbs and molded his lack of thought into naked intent.
He wasn't nothing. He was a void, but suddenly that void had a direction, no matter how meaningless it sounded.
He stopped being just nothing. He became his purpose. And it felt so right that it was unclear how he could ever have been anything else before.
He opened his optics.
Orion, who apparently hadn't expected that the thing he'd made specifically for it to move would move, jerked back with a funny sound.
On the opposite side, Shockwave nodded proudly, returning to the spot on his armor that even in the bright lights of the workshop only he could see.
“I believed in you.”
_________
“Oh my god! How do you sneak up on me so quietly every time?”
He wasn't nothing anymore. He was a whole long list of instructions and rules. His creator sat him down at a table and meticulously listed everything he could and could not do. Handed him many books and ordered him to attend a huge number of lectures. He now knew who to bow to if he passed them in the hallway and who to avoid. He had learned hundreds of names and thousands of titles. Learned how to pretend to be a real Mech, even though he wasn't.
The world around him was complex and confusing, but he found that this complexity had its own patterns, linked together in a bizarre web of systems and sequences. It was worth pulling on the right end, and the meaningless facts organized themselves into something much more manageable.
Everything made sense. The planet revolved around a star. Mechs rejoiced when they got something that improved their quality of life. Energon burned, producing energy. Big things tended to be heavier than small things.
The world was divided into Mechs and monsters...and him.
He was inclined to be...quiet.
His creator - he'd asked to be called Orion - twitched when he found his creation standing right behind him.
He was very talented at finding Orion wherever he was. And very light compared to most things his size. Like everything else it made sense. He wasn't a Mech, he was just an empty shell. An armor summoned to life by magic. His footsteps were as quiet as a mini bot's. Whatever Orion called it, he wasn't 'sneaking' on purpose.
A few cycles later, Orion accidentally bent one of its finals when he turned around too quickly, startled by the quiet footsteps behind him.
He named him Prowl. It was...not exactly logical, but there was a certain sense to it. Prowl nodded and agreed. He always agreed with everything Orion said, even if it didn't make sense at all. Orion's opinion took a higher priority than anything else.
Until it didn't.
Until Orion gave him a focused look and told him that he should argue if he thought it was necessary.
Until Orion put the servo on his shoulder and said something along the lines of....
“You can disagree with me if you think my opinion is wrong. I'm not asking you to go against me. I'm not perfect and I can't be the one absolute point of reference for everything. You can and I'm sure will be smarter than me about many things. I want you to tell me if I'm wrong and what I should do about it.”
Like…well….like an absolute fool.
This concept was new. Prowl wasn't built to argue. He was made to obey orders and to serve a function.
Orion smiled slyly. At least it was probably a smile behind his mask that made the corners of his optics lift.
“It wouldn't be considered a disobedience of my order if I ordered you to disobey it. Don't you think?”
Prowl opened his mouth to agree out of habit, but then changed his mind mid-motion and closed it back. It...it didn't make sense. It made sense that was breaking under its own weight. It was mercilessly mixing up all of his pre-learned patterns for talking to Orion. If he agreed with that logic now, it would mean accepting its use. If he protested, it would also mean accepting it, but in a bit more embarrassing way. Just when he was thinking of simply retreating silently to the nearest shadow and banging his head against the wall, he heard a quiet chuckle and realized that Orion had been amusing himself for some time now, watching him struggle.
Prowl decided that verbal responses might be overrated and frowned his face in the most believable expression of displeasure he could portray.
Orion broke out into laughter.
________
“What exactly is my goal?”
Orion looks. Curious. He stops talking to Shockwave and leans back on the bench.
“Right now, to study these journals. I already told you.”
Prowl nods to indicate he heard him and continues
“Studying serves a future purpose. Studying for the sake of studying would be meaningless to me. What is my final goal?”
“To assist me” Orion says slightly confused. ”Within the best of your ability of course.“”
“Аh. Assist in the fulfillment of your goal.”
“Well. I'd say so, yes.”
Prowl nods
“And what is your goal?”
Shockwave, who has been sitting next to them the whole time looks like they're a couple of previously unknown to science species he's just personally discovered.
Prowl ignores him.
“I...you remember the separation between Mechs and monsters, right?” asks Orion cautiously.
“Yes.”
“Mechs...are unfair to monsters. Monsters are cruel to Mechs. It's a needlessly violent situation that I want to...try to. Fix.”
Prowl frowns to indicate that the information isn't completely clear.
“You're a member of the order of hunters. And...” he shakes his head toward the nearest window ”...you have a considerable number of hunters under your command. Your job involves destroying monsters.”
Shockwave makes some sort of quiet amused sound and props his chin up with his hand.
Prowl ignores him harder.
“My job is to bring peace.” says Orion “You don't have to kill monsters to do that. You can negotiate with them. Find a compromise. Coexist. I...I guess basically, I'm trying to make the world a little better?”
Prowl doesn't look impressed. He's actually making a special effort to not let Orion think in any way that he might be intrigued by the whole endeavor.
“You do realize that's a disproportionately large goal for just one Mech, right?”
Orion shrugs awkwardly
“That's why I made you.”
__________
Ratchet puts aside his tools and critically examines his work.
“Don't touch that and it will heal normally.”
Orion smiles gratefully
“Thank you.”
Ratchet is important to Orion. They are close and very valuable friends to each other. The two of them look peaceful now, despite the fact that Ratchet threatened Orion when he first showed up in Sick Bay, so Prowl decides it would be a socially acceptable moment to start talking
“Orion, you're wanted at the Council.”
The second half of his line is drowned helplessly in two startled exclamations at once. Orion, to his honor, calms down almost immediately, but Ratchet continues cursing for a while.
Prowl doesn't wait for him to finish. The Council meeting is earlier than usual today and Orion has already had a few occasions of misbehavior. It's in his best interest to at least show up on time this time.
“Shockwave asked me to tell you to hurry. I will add that showing up at the last minute will not be good for your reputation if you are still hoping to convince the council to let you take more units.”
Ratchet .....stares.
“Primus' rusty hinges, Orion, who's that? Did they assign a nanny to you?”
Orion twitches his finals playfully and immediately crinkles in pain, remembering that one of them should have been left to heal.
“Remember when I wanted to find an assistant? Well...”
Ratchet casts an increasingly more suspicious look at Prowl. Prowl decides that friendliness is overrated and limits his expression to a barely perceptible tilt of his head in response.
“...Shockwave recently helped me figure out how to create golems and I figured if I couldn't find anyone I could trust, I might as well...make one. So. Ratchet meet Prowl.” finishes Orion awkwardly.
Ratchet glares at Prowl for a while longer. Then he turns away and starts tidying up Sick Bay.
“I'm not buying it. I don't know where you found this guy, but you're not playing me. Nice poker face by the way.”
One of Prowl's wings twitches
“He wasn't lying.”
Ratchet snorts grumpily.
“Those...” he waves toward the next room ”...are golems.
There, behind the wall, several golems scurry around. They have medical staff symbols painted on their shoulders, and there is not a trace of thought in their eyes. Two are scrubbing the floors, another wiping the shelves and window sills clean of dust. They occasionally mumble softly under their noses or utter an inane “excuse me” every time they accidentally bump into each other. Prowl knows that if you ask any of them a question with more than one variable, they start babbling guiltily and shrugging their shoulders. They're stupid, but they themselves don't seem to care about that at all. They are their purpose. And their purpose is to keep things clean. They are pride because they are good at their job.
Prowl frowns. He's a headache. Because his "purpose" has been distracted by his conversation with Ratchet and will probably add another tardy to his list in the near future.
Orion begins (thank goodness) to move toward the door
“I've made improvements. There might have been...some not exactly allowed artifacts.”
Ratchet rubs the bridge of his nose tiredly. Prowl can see that his face is already starting to wrinkle in that spot. Patient antics probably age Ratchet far more effectively than the passage of time itself.
“I...you know what...go before the Council sends a search party to look for you.”
Orion sighs and without further distraction finally walks out the door.
Prowl decides that Ratchet might be a good ally when it comes to managing Orion.
He nods politely goodbye before leaving.
______________
“I am different from them. Why?”
Orion puts down the document he's been working on and looks first at Prowl and then, over his head, at the other golems scurrying down the hallway with brooms and rags. He doesn't need to interject exactly who he thinks Prowl is different from.
“Do you want a philosophical answer or a technical one?”
Prowl reaches out and pokes somewhere in Orion's document
“ You missed a comma. Both.”
Orion obediently puts the comma in and folds up the document. His finals are twitching faintly. It could be a sign of concentration as well as distraction. Prowl has already figured out that Orion's body language is a double-bottom trap. For a Mech with this level of expressiveness, Orion is surprisingly difficult to read.
“Sometime quite a while ago during one of my expeditions, I found a unique artifact. A fascinating item, granting wisdom to anyone brave enough to use it.”
“I have a feeling a ‘but’ is coming.”
“You're right. The artifact's unique gift was also its curse. It fed so much information through the Mech's heads that it literally caused the processors of its owners to melt.”
“Oh. Good thing I don't have a processor then.”
Orion laughs quietly
“Indeed. You won't have that problem. And about the other part....Think of all the Mechs you know who are savvy enough about politics and available to work together at the moment.”
Orion gives him a moment before continuing.
“ What is the likelihood that the most trustworthy of them would betray me, for their own gain or out of fear?”
“ Twenty-eight percent,” Prowl informs.
And then hesitates a moment.
Orion is obviously a smart Mech. Not smart enough to single-handedly dominate the political arena, definitely not with his ideals and ideas of what's right. But smart enough to realize it. He knows what he wants and he also knows he can't achieve it alone.
Prowl looks at Orion, who just stands there, eyeing him, without in any way trying to continue the conversation.
Orion is idealistic, and therefore often mistaken for stupid. He isn't. Orion doesn't just know that he can't succeed alone, he knows that everyone else knows it too. He thinks this knowledge will be used against him when the opportunity arises. He's right. By Prowl's count, at least three suspiciously clever Mechs were going to sweet-talk their way into becoming Orion's assistant one way or another before... he appeared.
One of the janitor golems runs past them down the corridor. He doesn't turn around, doesn't even slow down or cast a curious glance. His only goal, his only interest is cleaning. The rest of the world might as well not exist at all.
Prowl thinks he's not that different.
Orion apparently reads the understanding from his face, because he nods contentedly and starts walking further down the hall.
“You didn't take yourself into account when you made the statistics, did you?”
Prowl follows him silently on his heels. Not close enough to be familiar, but not so far away that the conversation stops being private.
“The sampling condition was all mechs. I am not one.”
“That's true” Orion shrugs “You have no loved ones that the Council could use to influence you. You have no desires to be bought by their fulfillment. And while I cannot say with absolute certainty that you will never be capable of going against me...” Prowl starts to open his mouth to object but Orion gestures him to stop, “...no no no no, let me finish. And while I can't be sure you'll never betray me, I at least know for sure that before you met me you had no reason to do so. Do you understand?”
Prowl understands. It makes sense. He still feels the need to argue back, because it is part of his function to do that.
“I would never betray you. I'm not capable of it.”
Orion twitches his finals. Without seeing his face Prowl assumes it is a sign of doubt.
“You are a creature of intellect, Prowl. I am a Mech of ideals. Those two things don't always combine well.”
______
“Foolish and presumptuous.”
Prowl ponders that his function could be much easier if he didn't have to constantly try to balance what is right and what is right in Orion's eyes.
“If you were spotted, the Council would have good reason to assume this isn't the first time you've done something like this.”
“No one noticed,” Orion tries, but Prowl doesn't let him finish that thought
“No one has seen you, because you're lucky. You can't count on it being a permanent occurrence! You undermine your own position by giving the Council grounds for suspicion, you...”
Prowl stops, still pointing his finger accusingly somewhere on Orion's chin. Shockwave, who has witnessed the scene, makes an impressed face and steps closer.
“I swear, you're probably the most capable golem maker I've ever had the pleasure of teaching, Orion. If I hadn't seen that guy on your assembly table, I would never know.”
Prowl takes the statement as a compliment, but doesn't feel the need to show it outwardly. Shockwave, as one of the few who knows about him not being a real Mech, doesn't take offense to it in any way.
“Did I interrupt something dramatic?”
Prowl snorts, because the gesture maintains just the right amount of judgment for his situation.
“Orion is once again harboring a monster instead of killing it or letting it escape.”
This news immediately enlivens Shockwave's posture. Prowl knows he's an even bigger fan of collecting suspicious side projects than Orion. Their friendship, frankly, will one day bury either one or both of them. Prowl just hopes his presence will be enough to sway the percentages when that happens.
Orion doesn't try to deny anything.
“One of my squads encountered a ghost near the northern border. I couldn't... listen Shockwave, he's a good guy. He just needs to be given a chance to show it.”
“Can he talk?” there's almost visible stars in Shockwave's eyes..
Prowl slumps his shoulders helplessly, already knowing what's coming next. These two have done this dance a hundred times before. One of Shockwave's favorite side projects was a school for, as they called them, magically gifted and extraordinary Mechs. In fact, it was the largest den of various monsters that Prowl had ever seen. Every time Orion's hunting squads found a monster that could even remotely resemble a normal Mech, Orion would rush with happy optics to hand it over to Shockwave for care. There, the monsters were taught everything they needed to fit into the society of normal Mechs, but more importantly, they were given documents. Precious pieces of paper that granted their holders rights, freedoms, and protections as Shockwave's apprentices.
Prowl could appreciate the noble endeavor. He could also see clearly that with each addition, this school would become more and more of an inconvenient thorn in the Council's side. Just like Orion, Shockwave was happy to paint a brighter and brighter target on his own back for many cycles.
Orion, insensitive to danger that is not immediate, cheerfully begins to recite
“Can read, write, speak, even makes music.”
Shockwave nods happily
“Introduce us?”
Prowl wonders how far Shockwave can stretch the definition of “magically gifted Mech”. One day Orion will pick up a Kraken on the street and then they'll both probably have to do a lot of mental gymnastics to make it's documents. Ugh.
When Orion had asked him to calculate the probability of betrayal, the most reliable mech he was evaluating at the time was Shockwave.
Twenty-eight percent...
Prowl wonders how many students must be on the opposite side of the scale from Orion for Shockwave to choose in their favor. Speculation is actually useless. If the Council decides to nail Shockwave, they will of course use his entire school at once.
In fact, they probably won't even have to force Shockwave to choose between the school and Orion, because Orion himself will choose a bunch of monsters over himself.
This ridiculously dangerous social construct they call friendship rests entirely on their reputation as honest and honorable mechs. Prowl stares at Shockwave's back and wonders how one mech could have so much charisma, that he gets away with keeping a huge number of Council enemies right under the noses of that same Council.
_________________
Orion gently lifts the now graying shell of what was once a monster from the ground
He doesn't even turn toward Prowl.
"Did you kill him?"
Killing...it's a stretch. Does the act of helping a murderer qualify as murder? Or the lack of action that could have saved the now murdered person? In most cultures and languages, “murder” refers to the act of ending someone else's life, but the context implies a physical act. Did you put a knife in his back? Did you push him off a cliff? Did you cut him with a sword?
By those criteria. Well. Prowl never killed anyone. Nor is he likely to, for he has neither the skill nor the strength to do so.
Did he cause death? Absolutely.
Orion's always had this heroic streak that wouldn't let him just pass by the distressed and disadvantaged. Orion has always had a great spark of kindness and principles as strong as titanium alloy as to what is right and what is wrong.
In Orion's world view, murder is wrong. And murder in conditions where it was possible to solve everything by peace is immoral and unacceptable.
Prowl's worldview tells him that Orion could do much better if he stopped wasting his potential on helping those who will only drag him down in the long run. Orion's life depends entirely on the Council's opinion of him. A Council that has been watching him closely lately. Even if Orion doesn't like it, it's Prowl's job to make sure they like what they see.
Orion turns to him, shaking him out of his thoughts.
"Prowl. That mech tried to escape. Past you. And now he's dead. Were you the one who killed him?"
"No," says Prowl, "he ran into one of the patrols."
That statement is missing a good half of the details. Like mentioning that the patrol wouldn't have been there in the first place if Prowl hadn't sent them an anonymous lead.
Orion doesn't need to know that. Orion lives under the idea that every life is precious and, even more inconveniently, equal.
Prowl sometimes feels like yelling at him for it. Because that shiny perfect picture is simply unsustainable outside of Orion's head. The monster, whose graying body now lies on the ground, would be of little use to society. Likely left free, he would have simply continued to attack and kill travelers.
Whereas Orion spends his life making the world a better place. This is an objective fact confirmed by numerous observations.
They are not equals. And they probably never will be. Orion's life is much. Much heavier on the imaginary scales of statistics.
Orion squints at him suspiciously. He's clearly hesitant.
"You could have just let him go instead of killing him."
The trap is honestly too obvious.
"I didn't kill him" Prowl repeats "he ran into a patrol. You can't blame the hunters for doing their job."
Orion places a hand on the dead creature's forehead in a respectful gesture of regret while simultaneously averting his gaze. It's a habit by now.
Look the other way, don't let the council know what you're doing. Sympathize but not in plain sight, help but in secret.
"They had no right to attack him.This is neutral territory. He has the right to run wherever he wants."
Prowl's mouth is twisting with the urge to argue. To say that according to existing information, this monster would have just continued the attacks if he'd stayed free.
He says nothing. Orion is clearly in no mood to argue right now, and he's already questioning Prowl's claim. It's not worth pushing any further.
Prowl only nods, showing that he's heard Orion's point of view.
__________________
He is surprisingly good at lying.
Of course the skill doesn't just come naturally, but he's been known for his straightforwardness. Mechs automatically expect him to either remain silent or tell the unpleasant truth.
All he has to do is give only certain bits and pieces instead of coherent information without changing his usual behavior in any way and the mechs won't be inclined to verify it, filling in the gaps themselves. As a golem, he can't lie, but he can get others to lie to themselves.
He exploits this a lot. Probably more often than Orion would approve, but Prowl doesn't ask him to confirm. Conversations with Orion tend to narrow down his list of options. Because Orion is a real living mech. With a spark. With feelings. And his complex moral code revolves entirely around what he feels to be right.
Prowl has no spark. Prowl has an empty armor that he considers his body and a wisdom artifact that he considers his worth. Both his and Orion's understandings of what is right...overlap...sometimes.
Not always.
______________
"I saw a demon in person for the first time today."
Prowl politely shifts his posture to show he's listening
"A …demon?"
"Demon" Orion repeats "When...when a mech commits especially terrible crimes against the will of Primus, the very magic of their spark rises up against them and turns them into a demon. And I just learned today what a...demon looks like."
Prowl remains silent, waiting for a continuation that never comes. Orion seems gone in his thoughts....
"And what does it look like?" prompts Prowl.
"Creepy. It looks creepy and unnatural and terrifying. Primus' wrath has a very ugly shape..."
"Ah...I see...what did that mech do to be met with such punishment?"
Orion frowns
"I'm not sure. But what we're doing can't go against Primus' will, right? I mean, all beings are his creations! He can't condemn us for trying to make peace between mechs and monsters..."
Prowl is familiar with the concept of punishment for wrongdoing. But something about the very idea...the idea that punishment will find you no matter how well you hide because you can’t run away from your own spark...he has to admit it's disturbing.
"I hope he doesn't."
——————————
Thoughts?👁
Ahsjfjfj
This is the first half of the fic btw because I don’t have enough time to translate the whole thing in one day. I’ll try to post the second half tomorrow🤞
#maccadam#transformers#sigh#wanna find out what kind of genius tag I came up with for this story?#behold#tf mimics au#feel free to pat me on the shoulder or decapitate me or something#I spent the whole day googling fancy English words#and decided that I’m tired and just wannna be practical#Orion pax#Prowl#Shockwave#senator shockwave#Ratchet#this story will contain a lot of JazzProwl but I need to show what the fuck is going on inside Prowl’s head first#Prowl being a cruel fucker. <- definitely not preparing to drag him through the excessive amount of life changing angst#to make him grow as a person#no no what are you talking about#I’m sure his worldview would never turn over and bite him back lol
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The Weight of Choices

Pairing: Ex-husband!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader
Warnings: 18+ only. Smut. Unprotected sex, dirty talk. A little angst.
Summary: Torn between his instinct to protect his family and his desire to be a part of their lives, Bucky tries to deal with the reality of his ex-wife going on a date while he stays home caring for their son.
Word Count: 8.8k.
Revised.
He was late. If she didn’t know better, she’d think he was doing it on purpose. Bucky had agreed to watch their son tonight so she could go on a date, the third one since their divorce two years ago. The last couple of times, she’d managed to find a friend to babysit, but Saturday nights were always tough. So in the end, she had no choice but to come clean and ask Bucky.
She could still hear his voice from that awkward phone call, still feel his surprised tone when she’d told him she had plans.
“A date?” he repeated, the edge of disbelief was hard to miss.
"Yeah," she’d replied casually, but Bucky’s silence stretched longer than usual. He hated texting, so phone calls had become their norm, even for the smallest of things.
“With whom?” His attempt to sound nonchalant fell flat, the tension was evident, threading through every word.
“Chris,” she said, keeping her tone light, “You know, the music teacher at the kindergarten where I work? Blonde, easy smile... we walked past him once when he was out with his dog, Dodger.”
Bucky scoffed, and the bitterness in his voice was unmistakable. “I knew it. I knew he had a thing for you.”
She rolled her eyes, exasperated. “Oh, please.”
“Every time I’d drop by the kindergarten, he’d just- his eyes followed you the whole time like he couldn’t look away. People don’t stare like that unless they’re thinking about something. And the way he’d smile, he was trying too hard to be just a ‘friendly co-worker.” His voice had dropped a notch, as his irritation kept creeping in.
“Are you serious?” she shot back, incredulous. But Bucky wasn’t done.
“How long’s this been going on?” The question came out more like an accusation.
“It’s our first date. You know I only recently started dating again,” she replied, patience wearing thin.
He paused, clearly unsatisfied. “So what, he’s just been waiting for his chance, ready to pounce-”
“I’m going to stop you right there, James,” she interrupted firmly. “You’re not entitled to know anything about my love life the moment you decided you wanted the divorce.”
There was an uncomfortable silence on the line. She could hear him breathing, and the tension stretched between them until finally, he sighed.
“You’re right,” he admitted. “I’m sorry, that was out of line. I’ll take care of Benjamin on Saturday night.”
The recall of the conversation was interrupted by Ben, who wanted to show her what he did with his Legos.
Bucky had been sitting in front of the house for half an hour now. Sometimes, like tonight, he regretted what he’d done, but deep down, he knew it had been necessary. After the terrifying incident when Hydra agents attempted to kidnap their son, hoping to test if any of the serum’s powers had been passed down genetically, he realized that his past would eventually catch up with them. He had to make sure they were safe, even if it meant tearing apart everything they’d built.
He knew she wouldn’t understand if he told her the truth. If he had laid out his fears and his guilt and spiraled into a self-deprecating parade like he always did, she would have fought him and convinced him to stay. So he waited.
He knew the only way to make her believe it was to weave in just enough truth to his argument, so slowly he began pulling away, setting the stage for what would be his ultimate break. Late nights, distant conversations, an almost non-existent sexual life, and missed moments with their son, all led to this. He needed her to see that the life they had wasn’t something he could carry anymore.
When the moment came, he didn’t hesitate. He told her he felt suffocated by their life together. That the roles of husband and father were more than he could bear after everything he had been through. She didn’t believe him at first, and he could see the determination in her eyes, the will to fight for what they had.
So, he played the card he knew would make her stop fighting him. He spoke of the years he’d spent as a puppet, how he had never truly known freedom, never had control over his life. He appreciated everything she had done for him, all the love and support she had given, but it wasn’t enough. He needed air, space to figure out who he was beyond the roles he had been forced into. He made it sound like staying with her, staying in the family they’d built, was just another form of captivity.
It crushed her. Bucky could see the moment her resistance faded. She believed him, not because she wanted to, but because he made it seem so real. So she stood there, heartbroken, but unable to argue against the logic he’d presented.
The first months after the divorce were hard on both parts. For her, that time was the hardest, filled with sleepless nights and the nagging feeling that Bucky had simply abandoned her, walked away from their life, their love, without a second thought. She wrestled with the confusion and the heartbreak, trying to piece together where things had gone wrong. For Bucky, it was a different kind of suffering. He bore the weight of his decision in silence, knowing he had walked away to protect them, but that didn’t ease the sting of loneliness or the guilt that clawed at him almost every day.
Their lives moved on separately. They saw each other only in passing, and even that was rare. Bucky would pick up Benjamin directly from daycare once a week, dropping him off the next morning before heading back to his life, careful to avoid lingering long enough for awkward conversations. Sometimes he didn’t make it at all, missing his time with his son when missions pulled him away. Immersing himself in his work was easier than facing what he had left behind, the family he still wanted but couldn’t allow himself to have. Meanwhile, she did her best to create some normalcy for Benjamin, even as the space Bucky left behind echoed through their small home.
Even though their lives had drifted apart, Bucky never truly let go. He kept his distance, but never far enough to lose sight of them. Unbeknownst to her, he knew everything that went on in the household, the daily rhythms of their life, the way she struggled and adapted to her new normal without him. From the shadows, Bucky lurked unnoticed in the neighborhood, always keeping an eye on them. She never noticed, never had a clue that even when he was away on missions, he somehow knew when Benjamin caught a cold or when she had a rough day at work.
It was a secret vigil that gave him a twisted sense of comfort, knowing they were safe even if they no longer shared the same home. He would catch fleeting glimpses of her tucking their son into bed or hear his faint laughter playing in the yard. It was enough to remind him of what he’d lost, but not enough to bring him back to the life he believed he couldn’t have.
That was why Bucky was caught off guard when she mentioned her date with that guy, the music teacher. He never saw that coming. He had always known the man had a soft spot for her, could see it in the way he acted whenever she was around, how he lingered a little longer during pick-ups at the kindergarten, helping to manage the children even if it wasn’t his job, always with an excuse to retain her and talk. His body language was an open book. But back then, Bucky had dismissed him as harmless, barely giving him a second thought. To him, Chris had always been like a friendly Labrador: approachable, with no bite. A non-threat.
But now, that harmless Labrador had grown fangs. The guy wasn’t just hanging around the edges anymore; he was stepping in, taking her to dinner, moving into a space Bucky had once occupied. And he had no choice but to suck it up and watch it happen, watch her walk out the door with him. He could handle the distance, the brief moments of tension when they had to interact, but this? The idea of Chris sitting across from her at a candlelit table, making her laugh, holding her gaze... it twisted his guts.
And God knows what else would happen after dinner. Would Chris try to kiss her goodnight? Would she let him? Or worse, would they end up back at his place? His mind ran wild with the possibility of them taking things further, crossing a line he never wanted to imagine. Would she let him touch her in ways Bucky used to, let him see sides of her only he had known? He knew he had no right to feel this way, but it didn’t stop the thoughts from torturing him.
Eventually, he glanced at the clock and sighed, raking a hand through his hair. There was no point in torturing himself any further, he couldn’t postpone the inevitable any longer.
Reaching the front porch, Bucky hesitated for a moment. He straightened his posture, adjusting his clothes, then knocked on the door. As he waited, he shifted his weight from one foot to the other, trying to shake off the tension.
When the door finally swung open, for a split second, neither of them spoke. Her eyes widened just a little, and her lips parted as she took him in. It had been a long time since she’d seen him. His hair had grown back to shoulder length, a few strands falling loose across his forehead. A three-day stubble sharpened his jawline in a way that made him look rugged and effortlessly handsome. And was he wearing that shirt? The red and black lumberjack one that used to drive her wild?
Bucky caught her reaction and hit him like a shot of adrenaline. When he exited the bathroom that night and picked what to wear, he told himself it was just practical attire, something comfortable to wear while watching and playing with Ben. The cologne? Just a habit. But deep down, a part of him knew the truth: he wanted her to notice, and that split-second when her eyes widened, scanning him from head to toe, told him everything. She noticed. She definitely noticed. And something about that felt like a victory, even though he wasn’t supposed to be playing that game anymore.
He stared at her longer than necessary, his blue gaze drifting over the black dress she wore. New, he realized. It hugged her body in all the right places, accentuating her curves in a way that was impossible to ignore. The hemline? Too short for his liking. He clenched his jaw slightly, knowing full well Chris would be thrilled to see her like this.
Forcing himself to snap out of it, Bucky cleared his throat and broke the silence. “Hey,” he said, low and calm, though the tension still swirled beneath the surface. “You look... good.” He meant it, but the words tasted bitter.
"Thanks," she said, politely but distantly, deliberately choosing not to compliment him back. She lingered for a moment, then added, “You’re late.”
Bucky flinched inwardly at the remark, though he kept his expression neutral. "Traffic," he muttered, stepping inside as she moved aside to let him in. An awkward silence stretched between them, the air thick with things left unsaid.
Her fingers toyed with the edge of her dress as she cleared her throat, trying to fill the silence. “Ben is in the bathroom,” she said casually, but there was a tension beneath it. “You can wait for him in the living room.”
“Right,” Bucky replied, nodding stiffly. He walked past her and into the living room, and the space felt both familiar and foreign at the same time. He took a seat, trying to shake off the strange energy between them, but his mind kept wandering back to the fact that she was dressed for someone else.
A moment later, the doorbell rang, and she turned toward the sound, visibly relieved. She opened the door, and Bucky heard Chris’s voice, a cheerful greeting that she surely responded to with a soft, warm smile. He didn’t need to see it, her tone was different with him, softer, more open.
“Hey,” Chris said with a bright tone, though there was a subtle shift when he paused. There was a beat of silence before he added, “You look amazing.”
Bucky couldn’t help it. Something pulled him from the couch, and before he knew it, he was standing in the hall, watching the interaction from a few feet away. His eyes narrowed as he observed Chris, sizing him up instinctively. Chris was taller than he remembered, clean-cut in a casual but neat button-down shirt, his charming smile faltering just a fraction when his eyes darted past her, catching sight of Bucky standing there.
Chris’s brows furrowed, but he quickly masked his reaction, giving Bucky a curt nod. “Uh, hey,” he greeted awkwardly, glancing between them.
It was her turn to narrow her eyes. Glancing back over her shoulder, she saw him. Bucky stood at the edge of the hallway, staring directly at Chris with an unreadable expression. His eyes locked onto the man without blinking. He wasn’t moving, wasn’t saying anything, just staring.
Inwardly, she rolled her eyes. Really? A display of male dominance, here and now? After everything he’d put her through, the mess he’d made of their lives, he suddenly decided he had the right to act territorial? What exactly did he think he was entitled to? The nerve of it sent a wave of irritation through her body, hardening her grip on her coat.
But what frustrated her even more -what really troubled her- was that a part of her didn’t mind. Beneath her annoyance, something stirred, deep and undeniable. She hated to admit it, even to herself, but his presence still had a hold on her. Maybe it didn’t bother her as much as she wanted to believe. Maybe, despite everything, there was still a part of her that reacted to him, to the way he watched her, the way he used to make her feel like the center of his world.
Before those feelings could rise any further, before she could let herself dwell on what they meant, she quickly turned back to Chris. She forced a bright smile, pushing away the conflicted thoughts swirling in her mind.
“We should get going,” she said, pretending not to notice the tension still hanging in the air. She stepped closer to Chris, signaling it was time to leave, hoping to put some distance between her and the weight of Bucky’s gaze.
As the door clicked shut behind them, Bucky stood frozen in place for a moment, still tense, even with their absence. The quiet of the house felt heavier now, oppressive. His chest clenched as he stared at the closed door, half-expecting her to walk back in. Of course, she didn’t.
His hands closed into fists at his sides as he replayed the scene in his head: her standing there, beautiful and confident, and Chris… that guy was so normal, so easygoing. Exactly what she deserved. Exactly what Bucky could never be. He raked a hand through his hair, frustrated. What was he even doing? He had no right, he was the one who walked away. He was the one who made her believe she wasn’t enough to keep him, that he wanted out. And now, here he was, silently raging because she was moving on, exactly like he supposedly wanted.
Stupid. That was the only word he could come up with to describe how he felt. Stupid for showing up looking the way he did, stupid for thinking that maybe he could still affect her. But what for? His job was to protect her and their son from the shadows, not to stand in the doorway, playing the part of some jealous lover. But God, it hurt more than he expected.
He crossed the living room with heavy steps and slumped into the couch. The house was eerily quiet, save for the faint sound of the TV in the background. Ben was still in the bathroom, probably playing with the liquid soap and making a mess, unaware of the tangled web of emotions his father was caught in.
The hours slipped by, though Bucky barely noticed at first. Benjamin was beyond excited to have his dad all to himself for the evening. They played, joked, and built elaborate lego fortresses, the boy’s laughter filling the house with a warmth Bucky hadn’t realized he missed so much. For a little while, he was able to shove everything else to the back of his mind. Being a dad, just a dad, felt like a relief. But every now and then, his gaze would drift to the clock on the wall. He couldn’t help it. As much as he tried to stay in the moment with his son, there was a constant pull, a nagging thought of where she was.
After he’d put Ben to bed, Bucky’s mind wandered back to the date. Her image in that black dress haunted him, the way Chris had looked at her, the possibility of what might have happened after dinner. His thoughts spiraled, even though he knew it was none of his business anymore. He poured himself a scotch, the amber liquid swirling in his glass as he tried -and failed- to push the thoughts aside.
Eventually, the sound of the front door opening cut through the silence. The familiar click of her shoes against the entryway tile echoed through the house, sharp and distinct. She was home.
Bucky didn’t move. He stayed where he was, seated at the old teakwood table, nursing his scotch. The only light on in the house was the dim glow above the kitchen, so she’d find him.
The sound of her footsteps grew closer, and he listened intently, his heart beating just a little faster despite his best efforts to keep calm.
She entered the kitchen, her steps sounding a little less steady than usual, mumbling a soft “Hi” as she made her way inside. Bucky glanced up, immediately sensing that she was a little tipsy. She didn’t meet his eyes, just plopped down in the chair next to him with a tired sigh. “God, my feet are killing me,” she muttered, kicking off her heels and wincing.
For a while, the silence stretched between them, broken only by the distant sound of the fridge. She sighed absentmindedly, then reached for his glass of scotch, taking a sip without asking. He was taken aback by the casual intimacy of the gesture, but he said nothing, just watched her as she leaned back in her chair.
Before he could stop himself, the words slipped out. “Want me to rub your feet?” He froze. He couldn’t believe he’d said it, half-expecting her to snap at him or give him one of her sharp retorts.
But instead, she surprised him. She looked over at him, her eyes tired but soft, and then shrugged. “Yeah...” she said, a little more relaxed than he expected.
Bucky blinked, caught off guard by her response. His heart thudded against his ribcage as he moved toward her, kneeling down in front of her chair. His fingers hovered hesitantly over her ankle before wrapping gently around it, lifting her foot onto his knee.
As he began to knead his thumbs into her sore muscles, the tension that had been brewing in him all night seemed to ease, just a little. Her head lolled back against the chair, a soft sigh escaping her lips.
He couldn’t believe he was doing this, touching her again in this way, after everything. He shouldn’t, but she didn’t seem to mind. If anything, she seemed to relax more as the seconds passed, letting her guard down in a way that felt dangerously familiar.
“So... how was the date?” Bucky’s voice was quiet, almost too casual as he broke the silence.
Her eyes fluttered open at the question, and for a moment, he thought she might brush him off or remind him that it wasn’t his business. But instead, she gave a small shrug, her tone indifferent. “It was fine.”
Bucky frowned slightly, pressing his thumbs a little harder into the arch of her foot. He wasn’t sure if it was frustration or something else pushing his hands. “Fine?” he echoed, trying to keep his voice even.
“Yeah,” she murmured, closing her eyes. Her voice was soft, almost distracted. “Just... fine.”
He wasn’t satisfied with that. He couldn’t help himself, he pressed, his tone still light but with a thread of tension beneath it. “Only... fine?”
She sighed, her eyes still closed as if trying to keep the conversation from getting deeper. “What do you want me to say, Bucky?” Her voice wasn’t sharp, but there was a subtle edge in her words. “That it was amazing? That he swept me off my feet? Some dirty little details?”
His fingers stilled for a moment, resting against her foot as he met her gaze. He didn’t respond right away, unsure if he even wanted to hear the truth, whatever it might be. “I don’t know,” he admitted, his voice a little more vulnerable than he intended.
“It was just fine, nothing more, nothing less”
Silence stretched between them again, but he wasn’t ready to let it drop. “Are you going to see each other again outside work?” he ventured, slowly moving his hands up her shin, hesitantly but growing bolder. The fact that she didn’t push him away emboldened him further. “Did you enjoy yourself?”
His hands continued their slow ascent, brushing his fingers over her calf and then her knee, firm but careful. When she didn’t pull away, he felt his pulse quicken. The silence stretched between them, thick with the weight of things left unsaid.
“In a way,” she finally answered, her voice was elusive, a little distant. She shifted slightly in her chair, subtly parting her thighs as his hands wandered higher. The movement was small, but enough for him to catch it. His breath hitched, and his gaze flicked down to her legs before rising back up to her face, darkening with lust.
"Care to... elaborate?" he pressed again, his voice lower now, rougher. His fingers slid up to her inner thigh, stopping there with a possessive grip as if testing her reaction. Her legs instinctively spread wider beneath his touch, and that simple motion sent a rush of heat through his body.
She shifted slightly, as if searching for the right words. "He’s... nice," she finally said, a bit breathless under his touch. "He’s thoughtful, considerate, makes me laugh…” Her lips twitched in a small smile, but it quickly faded as she looked down at his hand resting on her thigh. “He’s... good.”
Bucky’s thumb paused, pressing a little harder, as he leaned in closer, his voice barely above a murmur. “…And?”
She sighed, opening her eyes again to meet his intense gaze. “And… he’s not you.”
His grip on her thigh tightened involuntarily. He’d pushed her away, done everything he could to sever the ties between them, convinced himself it was for her protection. But now, hearing her admit that, it sent his head spinning.
He’s not you.
The room seemed smaller, the air heavier, as the tension between them crackled like electricity. His hand inched higher, dangerously close to where he could feel the heat radiating off her body. Every instinct in him screamed to close the distance, to take what he wanted, to forget everything that had led them to this point. But he forced himself to stop, locking his gaze onto hers, searching her face for any sign that she would tell him to stop.
She didn’t. Instead, she held his gaze, breathing shallow as if waiting to see what he would do next.
Bucky’s grip closed again. Fuck it. He leaned forward, pressing his face against her other inner thigh, grazing her skin with his stubble as he inhaled her scent deeply. She tensed, feeling him nip gently at her sensitive flesh, and then a slow, deliberate lick followed, sending a shiver through her body.
"Did he behave, or..." he paused, teasing the same spot with his tongue before he looked up at her, brushing her thigh with his lips as he continued, "...things got handsy?"
A gasp escaped her lips when she felt his mouth so dangerously close to where she wanted it most. Her head tilted back just slightly, her body betraying her as desire pooled lower in her belly. His eyes flicked up, meeting hers, their blue depths darkened with lust, and something more. His lips remained pressed against her skin, refusing to budge until he had his answer.
"You let him touch you?" His voice was a husky whisper, laced with jealousy.
She exhaled slowly, her breath was shaky as the memory flickered through her mind. "Yes," she admitted, reluctantly. "But just briefly, when we ki-"
Before she could finish, Bucky’s hand shifted, moving up to cup her mound, pressing his fingers firmly against the damp fabric of her underwear. Her words died in her throat, and a sharp intake of breath replaced them as his touch ignited a fire that spread through her veins. His hand was deliberate and unapologetic in the way it claimed her, the heel of his palm pressing against her pussy as if he had every right to be there.
"And then?" His question hung in the air, but she couldn’t find the words immediately.
Her lips parted as she finally spoke, barely above a whisper. "I wanted to feel something... but I didn’t. I just didn’t."
Bucky’s hand remained where it was, but his thumb stroked over the wet fabric, teasing her, testing her resolve as his gaze bore into hers. She had said what he needed to hear, what he craved to know, and now, there was no turning back.
His thumb slid the fabric of her underwear aside, and his fingers didn’t hesitate as they slipped between her folds, finding her slick with need. He brushed upward, just barely grazing her clit, watching with dark, heavy-lidded eyes as she gasped at the contact. Her body arched involuntarily, but he didn’t relent, keeping his movements slow and deliberate, teasing her just enough to drive her crazy but not enough to give her what she craved.
“And…” he murmured, rasping against the tension rising between them, “how long did it take you to realize you’d had enough? That it wasn’t going to work?”
His thumb circled lazily, making her hips shift forward, chasing the friction he barely offered. The question hung in the air, laced with his possessiveness through every word. He didn’t wait for an answer, delving his fingers deeper inside her, coating themselves in her arousal before they moving back up, brushing over her clit again, this time with more pressure.
"One kiss?" His lips curled in a half-smirk as he watched her face contort with pleasure. He dipped his fingers inside her again, slowly, dragging them out just as leisurely. "Two?"
She trembled, unable to form a coherent response, the sensation of his touch overwhelmed her senses after so long. Her breath hitched as his fingers increased their pace, every stroke purposeful, designed to unravel her. Bucky leaned upward, brushing the shell of her ear as he murmured, “How long, doll?” The way he said it, like a dare, made her heart race even faster.
Her head fell back, and her body betrayed any attempt at control as she whispered breathlessly, “One…”
A satisfied groan escaped his throat, and his fingers rewarded her honesty with a firmer stroke, sending her spiraling closer to the edge.
It wasn’t fair. He had cast her aside, almost without looking back, tearing her world apart with his cold departure. And now here she was, grinding her pussy against his fingers like some desperate, needy whore, begging for more. A part of her wanted to slap him, to shove him away and scream at him for every sleepless night she spent wondering why she wasn’t enough, why he had thrown their life away so easily. She wanted to tell him how much she hated him for walking out on them.
But then, there was that traitorous side of her. The part that had never stopped hoping. The part that had always waited held out some foolish, silent hope that he’d come back. That she’d see that flicker of warmth in his eyes again, the one that told her she was his entire world. And it wasn’t just her heart that longed for him, her body had missed him, too. She hated herself for it. For still thinking about him late at night when she touched herself, slipping her fingers between her thighs as his name slipped from her lips in the darkness.
And that same traitorous side of her had ruined her date with Chris. She’d tried to be present, to laugh, to be charmed by his warm smile and thoughtful gestures. But all night, all she could think about was Bucky.
The way he’d looked at him, cold and assessing, as if he didn’t belong there, his presence filling the hallway like he still had some claim to it, to her. What was he trying to prove, anyway? That he still was the man of the house?
She hated how, even while Chris was talking, her mind drifted back to Bucky’s fingers tracing his stupid shirt, his stupid long locks, his stupid cologne, the one he used when they went out on little dates. And she knew, even if she couldn’t admit it aloud, that some part of her had wanted him to see her dressed up, to feel in some small way the longing and ache she’d carried in his absence.
And maybe that’s why she’d felt nothing when Chris had leaned in for a kiss, why his gentle smile and soft touches had felt hollow. Even his laugh, light and kind, didn’t make her feel anything because it wasn't Bucky’s rough, rumbling chuckle or his stupidly confident grin. Bucky, in all his infuriating ways, still occupied every corner of her mind.
Her breath came in shallow gasps, and her chest rose and fell rapidly as his fingers worked her closer to the edge. She wanted to be angry, to let that rage consume her, but every time she opened her mouth to say something hurtful, to lash out at him, her body betrayed her. Every roll of her hips against his hand, every needy whimper that slipped from her throat, reminded her of just how much she had missed this.
It wasn’t fair. But she couldn’t stop.
With a light pinch on her swollen clit, the tension snapped, and she came hard on his fingers. Her mouth fell open with a moan as her body convulsed, riding the wave of pleasure pulsing through her body. The world blurred around her as her climax took over her body, grinding her hips against his hand, chasing every last second of the release.
Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, with a mix of overwhelming pleasure and the emotional storm swirling inside her. A few finally escaped, rolling silently down her cheeks, but before she could turn away, Bucky was there, brushing his lips on her skin to wipe them away with surprising tenderness. His breath ghosted over her cheeks as he whispered soft, comforting words she could barely make out, something about how beautiful she was, how good she had been for him, as if they hadn’t been tangled up in all this pain and heartache.
His touch was almost reverent as he slowly withdrew his fingers, slick and glistening. Their gazes met, and he didn’t break eye contact as he brought those same fingers to his mouth, licking them clean with deliberate, agonizing slowness. He stood up in one fluid motion, lifting her effortlessly from the chair by the waist as if she weighed nothing, and in a swift, controlled movement, he placed her on top of the table, standing between her legs.
Before she could even process it, his arms were around her, pulling her into a bear hug that was both tight and needy. He buried his face in the crook of her neck and inhaled deeply against her skin.
He held her as if letting go was not an option, firmly yet strangely vulnerable. The way he clung to her body felt like both a claim and an apology, urgent -almost broken- like he was holding onto her not just physically, but emotionally, too.
“Tell me you don’t want this, and I’ll leave,” he murmured against her skin, his voice rough and low, against her neck. He didn’t dare to look at her, not yet, because if he did, if he saw doubt or rejection in her eyes, it would break him.
The silence stretched between them, thick and heavy. Each second felt like an eternity. His breath was uneven and ragged as he waited for her to say anything. Another moment passed, tension swirled in his chest until he couldn’t stand it anymore. He lifted his head, searching her gaze, bracing himself for the worst. But instead of the words that would send him away, he saw her eyes flicker downward to his lips. It was brief, a split-second decision, but it was enough.
So he leaned in, cautiously at first, like he was testing the waters after years of distance. His lips brushed softly against hers, almost hesitantly, as if afraid this fragile moment would break apart. But the second she responded, it was like a dam broke. His hands cradled her face, deepening the kiss with desperation. It was messy and all-consuming. There was no gentleness, no tenderness. This was not the careful, delicate dance of two people testing the waters. This was hunger, a need to reclaim what had been lost. His lips moved down to her jaw, her neck, leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses on her skin, and she moaned softly, threading her fingers in his hair as he sucked on the sensitive spot below her ear.
His hands gripped her waist, strong and possessive, pulling her closer until her body was flush against his. The need to feel her body, to claim her, was overwhelming. It was like two years of silence, longing, and frustration had ignited in an instant, and everything that had been pushed down now surged forward, unstoppable.
“I’ll ask you again, babydoll. Are you sure you want this?” Bucky’s voice was thick with restraint, the tension in his muscles barely contained as he loomed over her, his breath hot against her neck. He was giving her one last chance to stop this, to pull away, even though every fiber of his body was screaming for her. But instead of words, her answer was a quiet, deliberate motion. Her hand slid between them, deftly unbuttoning his jeans, brushing her fingers against the outline of his erection.
A low hiss escaped his lips, and his hand shot down to catch her wrist, halting her movements. His gaze met hers, dark and intense, his chest heaving with barely restrained desire. “I need you to say it,” he murmured, on the edge of control.
“Yes,” she murmured.
That was all he needed.
Without hesitation, he pulled his shirt over his head in one motion, not bothering with the buttons, his muscles flexing as the fabric slid off. The moment his skin was free, he didn’t give himself time to think. His eyes locked on hers as he grabbed the neckline of her dress. With a sharp tug, the fabric tore easily under his grip, and the sound of it ripping filled the air. The dress fell to her waist, exposing her bare breasts to his gaze.
“Hey! It was brand new, you know?” she protested.
“I noticed,” he replied, grazing his fingers on the tattered edge of her dress. “But you didn’t buy it to wear it for me, did you?” His voice dropped, thick with jealousy as he alluded to her date with Chris. He dipped his head, and his lips hovered just above her exposed skin. “I don’t want it on you”. He latched his lips onto her nipple, swirling his tongue with a hungry need, while his vibranium fingers pinched and teased her other breast. His breath was hot against her chest as he whispered between kisses, “You have no idea how much I’ve missed this... missed you.” His words came out rough, full of longing that he couldn’t hold back any longer. “Every night... thinking about touching you again. Tasting you. Making you come over my cock.”
Her body responded, arching into him. She bit her lip, trying to stifle a moan, afraid that maybe Ben could hear her, but it slipped out anyway.
His hands moved to her thighs, gripping them firmly as he let out a low groan. “I thought about this, over and over... how you’d feel under me, how you’d sound when I made you scream my name again.” His voice was thick, hoarse, as he tugged at her dress, tearing the fabric completely until it was nothing but rags on the floor. He didn’t stop there, slipping his thumbs under the waistband of her flimsy panties. With a swift tug, the seams gave way, tearing effortlessly in his hands. He brought the soaked cloth to his nose, inhaling deeply, groaning as if the scent alone was enough to drive him insane. “God, I’ve missed this,” he muttered, his eyes never leaving hers. He flicked his tongue against the ruined cloth, savoring the taste with a low, hungry growl.
Without warning, he tossed the panties aside. His hands moved quickly, unbuttoning what remained of his jeans and kicking off his shoes before sliding the denim and underwear down in one fluid motion. They hit the floor with a soft thud as he stepped toward her. “Tell me how much you missed me,” he demanded softly.
She stared at him, drinking him in. He looked leaner, his body sculpted in sharp lines of muscle. He’d lost weight, surely by going on mission after mission, mixed with his poor eating habits. He was never good at taking care of himself. She almost missed the small paunch he used to have these last years, the one he hated, but she’d loved to bite. There was something comforting about that softness, but now he was the embodiment of raw strength.
Her gaze drifted lower, lingering on the sight of his cock, standing at full attention. She swallowed. Apparently, her memories failed to measure up to reality. He was big, sure, she’d always known that, but this big? Her pussy tightened with need, clenching in raw anticipation.
"I missed you,” she breathed, her voice barely a whisper, laced with longing as her eyes lifted to meet his. “So much… you have no idea. God, you’ve ruined me.”
Her words shattered whatever restraint he had left. He’d imagined, countless times, that if this moment ever came, he’d take his time, savor her, and make it last. But now, faced with her body beneath him, so close and so ready, patience was a luxury he no longer possessed.
Without a second thought, he gripped her thighs and spread her wide on the table, lining himself up as he dragged the head of his cock along her entrance, coating himself in her slick heat. In a swift, desperate thrust, he drove into her, hard and deep, filling her completely as a ragged groan escaped his lips.
She cried out, her body responding immediately, arching into him as he slammed into her again. His hands gripped her hips with bruising force, and his own moved in a relentless rhythm, every thrust driving him deeper inside her. He couldn’t stop. Her moans spurred him on, her words circling in his head like a drug.
“Ruined you, huh?” His breath was ragged as he pulled almost all the way out, teasing her with the loss, before slamming back in. “Let me remind you how much.” With a raw hunger that had been bottled up far too long, Bucky's thrusts became brutal, each one driving her back along the table, her nails scraping against the wood as he took her over and over. The grip on her hips was iron-hard, pinning her down so she could do nothing but take everything he gave her. He leaned in close, his breath hot against her ear. “Think anyone else could ever do this?” he murmured, his voice dark and rough, each word punctuated by a powerful thrust. His lips ghosted along her jaw, and he pushed her to answer, knowing the effect he was having on her. “Tell me,” he demanded softly, “Could anyone else make you feel like this?” He wanted her to say it, to make her admit that no one else would ever satisfy her the way he could.
She whimpered, clutching at his shoulders as he pounded into her, her nails digging into his skin as he pushed her higher and higher. “No… no one else.” Her words were broken, barely audible over her moans, but it was all he needed to hear.
“That’s right” he murmured against her lips, his voice low and rough, “No one else gets to touch you like this,” he breathed, each word laced with raw possessiveness as he thrust deeper. “Only me,” he rasped. “Only I get to make you feel this way.”
He groaned, and his left hand left her hip to slide between them, pressing down on her clit in quick, merciless circles. “This is mine,” he hissed, metal fingers working just enough to bring her close before pulling away, only to return just as she thought she couldn’t take any more.
She cried out, her body writhing beneath him as he drove her to the edge. His pace never faltered, his hips grinding against hers with a relentless rhythm, and his grip on her body only hardened as she arched off the table, spilling his name from her lips like a prayer.
"Say it," he demanded, his voice thick with lust and something darker. His hands slid down the back of her thighs, pushing her legs up against her torso as he plunged deeper, and she could barely breathe every time he bottomed out. The way he hit her, the pressure at her cervix, sent shockwaves of pleasure-pain coursing through her body, each one making her mewl helplessly. Her thighs shook against his chest, her hands desperately clutching at his forearms, fingers digging into his skin.
He leaned in closer again, his face inches from hers, his lips brushing her ears as he growled, “Say it, Doll. Tell me you’re mine.”
"I’m yours… fuck, Bucky!" she complied, her voice breaking between her panting breaths.
"Again," he ordered, slamming his hips into hers, as the table creaked under the force of his movements. He could feel her walls clenching around him, so tight, so wet, he almost lost control then and there.
“I’m yours,” she whimpered again, her voice shaky, breathless.
“Chris will be so disappointed to hear that,” he growled. “Let’s make sure you stay ruined, just in case.” He was relentless now, fucking her hard, deep, his body pressing hers further into the table as he pushed her thighs harder against her body giving him even better access, hitting that sensitive spot that left her gasping, his grip and the relentless pace leaving no room for anything but the sensation of him filling her over and over.
She whimpered in response, too overwhelmed to speak, her entire body tensing as the pleasure became almost unbearable. His thumb moved between them again, rubbing circles that sent sparks of heat shooting through her body. She gasped, squeezing her eyes shut as her orgasm built rapidly.
“Milk my cock, sugar,” he ordered harshly, primal. His words pushed her over the edge, and then she was gone, her body shivering violently as she clenched around him, tightening her thighs around him as her hands fisted in his hair, pulling him closer. The sound of his name fell from her lips, half-whisper, half-cry as the climax gripped her, intense and all-consuming, leaving her a trembling, breathless mess.
“I’m gonna fill you up,” he growled through gritted teeth, his hips snapping into hers with bruising force. “And then some more,” he rasped, his voice thick with raw need. “You won’t even be able to keep it all in, babydoll.”
With a final thrust, Bucky’s head fell back, a deep groan rumbling from his chest as he reached his climax. His body trembled, and his muscles tensed as he spilled inside her, a heated wave of release that filled her completely. He held her there, as his cock kept pulsing until his release overflowed, warm and thick, beginning to trickle down, pooling beneath them.
Still buried inside her, Bucky loosened his grip on her thighs, sliding down his hands to cradle her waist as he leaned forward, gently resting his forehead against her shoulder. He nuzzled into the curve of her neck, breathing in her scent, calming himself as the heat of what they did slowly ebbed, replaced by a quiet neither of them seemed prepared for.
After a moment, he gently eased himself away, untangling their bodies but letting his hands linger at her hips, as though afraid to lose the connection. He took a step back, dropping his gaze for a moment before lifting to meet hers, hoping she’d break the silence, but she didn’t look at him, her teeth worrying her bottom lip.
Bucky’s chest clenched, a familiar pang surfacing in him as he watched her withdraw inward, her mind going elsewhere despite what they’d just shared. Finally, she spoke, her voice low, tentative. “So… what now, Bucky?”
He took a deep breath, searching for the right words. “I don’t- I didn’t plan for this to happen,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper as he forced himself to hold her gaze. “I know I shouldn’t have done this. Not after…” He hesitated, but the truth slipped out anyway. “Not after what I put you through.”
Her eyes narrowed, and suspicion clouded her expression, old wounds resurfacing. “Then why did you put me through this, Bucky?” she asked, her voice soft but laced with pain. “You said you couldn’t do this. That you needed space, that we were holding you back.” Her words floated between them, each one a quiet accusation tinged with vulnerability. “And now, you’re here, acting like…” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “…acting like you never left.”
He hesitated, knowing this was his chance to finally tell her the truth or let her keep believing the lie he’d used to protect them. He rubbed a hand over his face, then lowered it, meeting her gaze with raw honesty. “I didn’t leave because I didn’t want you,” he murmured, his voice trembling. “I left because I was afraid that my past... everything I tried to bury might come back to hurt you. Hurt him.” His voice softened. “I thought if you believed I didn’t want this life, it would keep you safe.”
He glanced down, his hand twitching at his side, before he looked up again. "But… I want to come back,” he admitted, the words raw, like they’d been buried deep for too long. “To the house. To you, and Benjamin.”
She wrapped her arms around herself, flicking her gaze over their scattered clothes still strewn across the kitchen floor. She looked away, tensing as she rubbed her temples. "So, what’s changed, Bucky? The risks are still there, the same threats, the same fears..."
Bucky’s gaze didn’t waver; his hand reached out as though to touch her, but he stopped short, brushing his fingers over the edge of the table instead. "What’s different is me. I’ve had time to face what I couldn’t before. Stepping aside didn’t keep you safer; it just kept me away. I don’t want Ben growing up with a dad who keeps him and his mom at arm’s length. Almost a stranger.” His voice softened. “Being apart from you doesn’t make things better. I miss you, doll. I miss us.”
“You can’t just leave and come back like nothing happened, Bucky.” Her voice was softer this time, almost breaking. “I wanted you here… every day, every night. Not just for me, but for Benjamin.”
He took a step closer, hovering his hand near hers, unsure if she’d pull away. “I know, and I hate that I ever thought leaving was the answer.” His tone was low, his gaze fixed on her.
She looked down. “If you come back, I need to know you’re here to stay,” she murmured, the words more for herself than for him. “Because I don’t think I can go through this again… and I won’t let him either.” Her voice cracked on the last word as her hands gripped the table harder.
Those words shattered the last remnants of his restraint. Without another thought, Bucky dropped to his knees in front of her, the hard tile digging into his flesh as he pressed his forehead against her thigh. She sucked in a breath, instinctively moving her hand toward his hair, and her fingers trembled as they brushed against it. He could feel her hesitation, the walls she’d built so carefully to guard herself from the ache he’d left behind.
“Say yes,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. “Say yes, doll. I know I don’t deserve it.” His hands gripped her hips as if she were the only thing keeping him steady. “But I swear,” His voice cracked, raw and pleading. “I swear, I’ll never walk away again. Not from you, not from Benjamin.”
She looked down, a mix of shock and pain written on her face as she saw him there, broken, open, begging her for something she’d once offered so freely. Her hand gently settled on his cheek, and he leaned into the warmth of her touch, feeling the softness of her fingers against the rough stubble of his jaw. The ache in her eyes nearly undid him, but he stayed there, with his forehead still pressed to her thigh, his breath heavy, waiting.
Her eyes searched his, and slowly, her resolve began to waver, the smallest flicker of trust finding its way back into her gaze. "Then prove it," she murmured, barely trusting herself as her hand lingered against his cheek. "Show me you’re here to stay."
After her words hung in the air, a fragile silence fell between them, and Bucky’s gaze dropped. He swallowed, and his hand reached for something inside the scattered clothes on the floor.
From his back pocket, he drew out a small, well-worn leather charm, a little star-shaped pendant, its edges smoothened from years of handling. She recognized it immediately. It was something she’d passed on to him when he left for his first mission after they married, a symbol she hoped would keep him safe. She thought it had been lost long ago, like so many pieces of them.
He held it out to her, and the look on his face was raw, vulnerable in a way she hadn’t seen since the early days. “I never stopped carrying this,” he murmured, his voice rough and thick. “Even when I tried to convince myself I was doing the right thing by staying away. I couldn’t let go of you…of us. I kept it close, hoping… hoping someday I could come back and give it back to you. I know it doesn’t make up for the time I lost, but…” His voice faltered.
She stared at the pendant, her hand shaking slightly as she reached out, grazing the familiar leather. All the memories it held, the late-night goodbyes, the whispered promises, the hope she’d once tied to it, all of it rushed back, filling the space between them.
She looked down at him, seeing in his eyes the weight of the years, the regrets, but also the glimmer of the man she’d fallen in love with.
Taking a shaky breath, she spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. “This… this was supposed to keep you safe, Bucky. Keep us safe.”
“And it did,” he replied softly, covering her hand over the charm with his. “It kept you here.” He paused, his voice barely a murmur. “And maybe now… it can bring me back home.”
The last of her defenses wavered, and she felt herself letting go of the anger, the hurt, all the pieces that had kept them apart. “Maybe… maybe it was always meant to guide you back here,” she said softly, meeting his eyes with a warmth he hadn’t seen in years. “So if you’re really here to stay… then welcome home, Bucky.”
Dividers by: @strangergraphics
#bucky barnes x curvy!reader#bucky x curvy!reader#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes smut#bucky smut#bucky barnes fic#bucky x reader#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes#fatws bucky#bucky barnes fanfic#Ex-husband!Bucky
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♡ bllk drabbles ──
જ⁀➴ blue lock characters! when they're downbad for you.
starring: isagi yoichi, bachira meguru, karasu tabito, itoshi sae, sendou shuto, and reo mikage
ISAGI YOICHI
aka “executive director of overthinking”
tries so hard to act unfazed, tactical and calm. but is completely obliterated by your existence.
you replied “lol” to his story once.
he stared at it like it was the dead sea scrolls. enlarged the screenshot. adjusted the contrast.
was that a flirt? did ‘lol’ mean ‘love of life?’ was it morse code?
the boy has a folder titled “y/n analysis” where he breaks down your likes, dislikes, and preferred lighting angles.
his teammates think it’s match footage. it’s just your selfies. sometimes he sits there whispering, “so pretty. so dangerous.”
once you called him “yoichi,” and he walked into a pole. he did not feel pain. just pure bliss.
later googled, “is it normal to plan your whole future with someone after one (1) nickname?”
drafts and deletes 97 replies before sending “haha yeah 👍.” immediately lies down on the floor like he got shot.
mutters, “i shouldn’t have sent the emoji. it’s too confident. she’ll think i’m arrogant.”
he prays before your instagram posts like they’re religious relics. every time you post he whispers,
“she’s so pretty. i must evolve past humanity and win the world cup for her.”
BACHIRA MEGURU
aka “chief officer of heart palpitations”
acts like a chaos goblin, confident and unbothered. but is actually one poke away from combusting.
you gave him a frog sticker once. he cried. named it after you. stuck it on his phone.
calls it “froggie you” and says hi to it every morning.
you once tapped his shoulder during training. he turned around and said, “do that again and i’ll die for you.”
sends “good morning 🐣🌈💖” texts daily. if you don’t reply within ten minutes, he sends:
“hello. y/n. my love. my life. are you okay. do you hate me. should i perish.”
when you bump knees? he gasps like you proposed.
“hold on i need to lie down. my soul is doing cartwheels.”
has a playlist called “for when we hold hands.”
another called “if she ever looks at me like that again i will cry and explode.”
one time you smiled at him. he told his mom about it.
ended the story with,
“i think i met the love of my life. i looked into her eyes and saw the rest of my life. weddings, rain-soaked kisses, grocery runs. everything."
KARASU TABITO
aka “vice president of flirt and fumble”
acts smooth, smug, and has dangerous levels of swagger. but the moment you flirt back, he folds like cheap origami.
he flirts like it’s a sport.
“careful with that smile. it’s a weapon.” you: “you like it?” karasu: buffering… system error… “uhh gotta go bye.”
you once said “you look nice today.” he had to sit down and reorient his soul.
texts you “yo u up?” then immediately texts “wait no i meant that in a friendly respectful feminist way.”
wore cologne for the first time just because you mentioned liking a guy in a commercial.
googled “what scent makes girls fall in love (scientifically proven).”
you wore his hoodie once. he didn’t wash it for 29 days.
hugged it. whispered, “so this is love.”
SAE ITOSHI
aka “board chairman of emotional repression”
acts cold, distant and aloof. but is emotionally disintegrating every time you smile.
you called him “grumpy.” he thought about it in the shower. in training. in his sleep.
“am i too grumpy? is it cute grumpy? or irredeemable grumpy? do i need to change my whole personality?”
pretends to be annoyed by your presence. but knows your schedule. your favorite drink. your laugh.
once you coughed, and he handed you water like a knight with a quest.
accidentally liked a post from 2019. deleted his account. considered switching countries.
you brushed his hair out of his face once. he stopped breathing. time froze. earth paused.
the moon dipped a little closer just to check in. tells you “don’t touch me.”
but if you accidentally fall asleep on him? he doesn't move. not one inch.
eyes wide open. thinking: this is what marriage feels like
SENDOU SHUTO
aka “founder & ceo of delusional scenarios inc.”
acts like a flirt. full of charisma. but is one wink away from sobbing on the floor.
you: “you have nice eyes.” sendou: saves it in his brain in 4k ultra-hd.
“that’s what she’ll say in our wedding video.”
he once fake-proposed to you with a candy ring. you laughed.
he almost passed out.
had to sit down and google “can a joke proposal count as legally binding if it feels real.”
has a playlist called “our vibe 💕.” it’s mostly taylor swift, r&b, and dramatic violin covers.
sends you memes and checks if you’ve seen them. if you don’t react in 10 minutes, he sends “u okay? do u still believe in us?”
once you patted his head. he walked into the locker room and yelled, “i am seen. i am loved.”
wrote “mr. y/n” in his notebook once and said “it’s for manifestation.”
REO MIKAGE
aka “ceo of yearning, ltd.”
acts put together, elegant and effortlessly rich. but is one compliment away from printing out a marriage certificate.
you: “this bracelet is cute.” reo: buys matching ones in silver, gold, and platinum. “just in case she wants options. or heirlooms. for our kids.”
once you said “thanks, reo.” he stared into space for five minutes.
clutched his chest like, did she mean thank you for existing?
texts nagi like:
reo: “bro if i buy her a planet will she love me” nagi: “buy me one too” reo: “focus.”
goes to a fortune teller and says, “i need to know if she’s my endgame.”
refuses to take “unclear future” as an answer.
once you borrowed his scarf. he went home and looked in the mirror.
“she wore this. she was cold. and i protected her warmth. we are soul-bound.”
has seven notes app entries titled:
– “if she ever loves me back…” – “wedding toast idea (sunset metaphor)” – “what if she’s the real reason i was born.”
જ⁀➴ © sevarchive ✦ masterlist ; like/reblogs are appreciated ꣑ৎ
#sevarchive ۶ৎ#blue lock#bllk#bllk x reader#blue lock angst#blue lock fluff#blue lock au#isagi yoichi#bllk isagi#isagi x reader#isagi x you#isagi x y/n#yoichi isagi#bachira meguru#bachira x reader#bachira x you#bllk bachira#karasu tabito#karasu x reader#bllk karasu#karasu x you#sae itoshi#sae itoshi x reader#sae x reader#sae x y/n#bllk sae#sendou shuto#bllk sendou#sendou x reader#sendou x you
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