#literally fucking unfathomable that this is really my life

[theygender]

As an afab nonbinary butch who's trying to gain muscle without losing weight the sexism in the exercise industry makes me fucking see red. Just found an exercise program that boasts being entirely based in science and has the sources to prove it with well-controlled, recent, and relevant clinical studies backing up all of their stuff and as someone who's pretty well-versed in scientific research and fed up with fad-based pseudoscientific bullshit in the health industry I was fucking ecstatic. They had a little quiz you could take to find out which program would suit your needs the best so I filled it out and when it asked me about my goals I selected "I have a low amount of body fat and want to build more muscle" and it took me to a program called Strong. Great! ...Except as I read into it I kept finding references to "burning stubborn fat" and other similar shit. Scrolled down to the FAQ and found a question where it explained that this program was different from their Build program bc Build is "better suited for those who are skinny and at a relatively low body fat" ...even though that's exactly the option I selected in the quiz. Turns out they have three options for males: one for people who want to lose weight without focusing too much on muscle mass, one for people who want to become leaner by focusing on both weight loss and muscle mass, and one for people who want to gain muscle mass without losing weight (Build). But for females, they've only got two options, and neither one of them are designed to help you gain muscle mass without losing weight. I would ask why tf it's ALWAYS assumed that women have to want to lose weight but I know it's fucking sexism

[klonoadoortophantomile]

ohh i can feel a category five autism event on the horizon

[mewtwo24]

I finally finished reading the fourth volume of svsss in full, and thing is--the first time through I only read the bingqiu content because I was ravenous for more of their happy ending.

Turns out that was a perilous mistake.

Because I started reading the airplane extras. And I swear to god. MXTX is trying to kill me

What do you MEAN demon lord Binghe was sitting on his big fucking throne. All stoic and forbidding. Surrounded by his demon generals who don't know shit about human courtship. Asking them what he should do, fully demoralized by constant rejections from sqq, only to have airplane tell him to act more pathetic and needy. Which is already hysterically funny and insane, UNTIL LBH'S RESPONSE IS THIS, KILLING ME INSTANTLY:

LUO BINGHE. WHY DOES HE SAY IT LIKE: "I already tried that, didn't work--nothing works :/ not mean, not maidenly, not housewife, not spicy, not capable disciple. Is doubling down on clingy really all it will take? What's a born hater with only one love in his life to do????"

The dichotomy of him sitting there like 'how can I reach the unfathomable depths of shizun's heart?' A HEART HE'S ALREADY WON OVER, MIND and then in the Holy Mausoleum solving the puzzle without blinking and being like 'oh yeah you just have to hit the acupoints, no sweat.' Literally the comedy writes itself I'm so--

How am I supposed to be normal about this. MXTX understands the juicy quintessential queer joy of a person with the world's power at their fingertips wishing only for love. Willing to do anything to earn that love, when unbeknownst to them it's already been freely given. Totally not screaming and yelling and clawing at the walls

And that's not even touching airplane's uproarious account of events. The way he's like 'lol what's next, lbh and sqq are best friends now? smfh' only to see lbh TACKLE SQQ LOVINGLY. FOR SQQ TO BE BASHFUL ABOUT IT BUT SO SO FOND OF THE LITTLE SCAMP. This when we've been experiencing sqq's constant inner monologue of 'I'm so cool and so dignified about my role, truly the epitome of propriety and poser-level fortitude.' Meanwhile, in their universe:

Airplane constantly flaming???? Sqq and lbh in his observations????? His absolute bewilderment and confusion????? Legendary. No notes every single second of this shit was hilarious.

Airplane's comment that sqq + older adolescent lbh traveling together was just watching a couple in their honeymoon phase. OR the fact that lbh is exceedingly petty and refuses to share their food in the wake of airplane's interruption of their time together, until sqq relents sheepishly and insists airplane eat what's left (ONLY AFTER PLACATING LBH WITH MORE FOOD FROM HIS PLATE, SOBBING)

Watching airplane salivate over Mobei-Jun and acting like that's totally normal behavior. Finding out mbj and airplane got together first. Finding out sqq encouraged airplane. LIKE THIS. WHILE HE IS STILL IN DENIAL ABOUT HIS OWN FEELINGS:

Mobei-jun clearly thinking their arrangement is a forever thing, heartbroken his human abandoned him with all the hapless fury of a scorned wife swept away by false promises of fidelity. Airplane writing demons to be the type to beat up their crush lovingly and still unable to connect the dots about mbj's feelings. Mbj letting him go and respecting his wishes, only relenting when there's indication airplane was poorly processing his own feelings and didn't actually want to leave. Mbj caring for him and listening to him as soon as airplane voices what he needs directly and with clarity. None of these gays are functional and it's everything to me

Unrelated, but I physically can't hold this information in anymore:

I'm still reeling from younger lbh having his sexual awakening from the image of sqq wrapped in the immortal binding cables. Condemn me as you like he was so, so real for that.

And no I will not be taking any comments about how luo bingge couldn't bear to see luo binghe cherished in ways he never got to have and all the haunting implications of that. I will also not be taking any comments about luo binghe's instinct to look for sqq in that alternate universe, only to be shaken to the very core to be unable to find his shizun anywhere. The unspeakable and latent horror of his relentless mind likely piecing together what happened, but unable to say it; to suspect what is true, and live with the harrowing confusion of his double's actions. To blame himself, to assume that he had let his anger get the better of him in that world and result in unspeakable folly...

I also refuse to talk about how heartrending it is to hear Tianlang-jun weakly say "In the end, I really can't bring myself to hate humans." The implication that the foolishness of that hope and bright-eyed fondness--the very thing that put him through such unspeakable agony--couldn't be beaten out of him entirely. To discover that his faith in Su Xiyan hadn't been misplaced, to the contrary: his beloved hadn't scorned him at all, but rather fought to the miserable end to protect the fruition of their genuine feelings of love when she couldn't protect tlj or herself.

How MXTX has sqq deliberately draw parallels between their situation and that of ygy+sj and tlj+sx; desperately wishing it might not be too late for them. The concept of breaking cycles of abuse and harm pervasive throughout the newly devised story, how it evolves for the better only when love takes the place of power, pride, and domination. How the moment sqq chooses vulnerability instead of saving face, the genre shifts to the so-called "cringe" girly genre where most if not every character is more fulfilled, more true to themselves. How the "male-oriented" former genre was aimlessly sensationalized and sexualized, how it was a sustained performance of aspirational toxic masculinity. How men objectify other men without end. All of the unspoken gendered implications that come with that.

Anyways. Going to go put my head in a sandbox and try to process everything I just witnessed because even a second reading is not enough to find a modicum of closure.

[gorgeousgreymatter-x]

An excerpt from my unfortunately likely very belated birthday fic for @wynnyfryd my beloved:

It’s not like there’s a definitive set of tracks that Eddie’s on the wrong side of, but there’s something about being in Loch Nora, driving through the suburbs of these rich-y rich neighborhoods that made his skin crawl. Like he’s wearing a huge neon red sign that says I’m not supposed to be here. But there are a few things he’ll venture out to Doucheville for.

The main one being money.

Okay — the only one being money. But who was he to turn down practically double his normal rates simply because Heather Holloway was too prissy to meet in the woods? Whatever, for that much extra cash he’d throw in home delivery just this once.

Of course, because nothing in Eddie’s life is fair or easy, it backfires. Not in the lack of payday kind of way, he thinks, patting the thick roll of cash newly stuffed into his back pocket. That part had gone just fine. Heather had played her part of the stuck up cheerleader and Eddie the scummy drug dealer and yada yada everybody went home happy.

It backfires more in the almost crashed his van into a tree and died simply because he’s a horny idiot kind of way.

Because the universe apparently decided that Eddie, who’d literally promised himself that he was no longer going to be an obsessed freakazoid over Steve goddamn Harrington, must be tested, must truly suffer. Why else would right now be the exact moment in time he drives past the guy while he's clearly on a run and sporting a pair of nearly indecent length running shorts coupled with a — jesus h. christ — a Hawkins High Marching Band t-shirt cut into a crop top revealing a gloriously thick treasure trail. And muscles. So many muscles.

The universe clearly wanted Eddie to die.

And now Eddie has to sit here, rubbing awkwardly at the bruise he definitely feels blooming on his forehead from the unfortunate whack it’s taken against his steering wheel. Because, as mentioned — idiot. He has to sit here while Steve fucking Harrington peers into his open window with this unfathomably sweet look of concern on his stupid angelic face that makes Eddie, for a moment, kinda wish he was dead. Especially because his brain decides, “There was a squirrel!” is the best thing to blurt out when Steve asks if he’s okay. The hasty, “I mean, I’m fine,” Eddie adds after definitely helps sell it a lot. He can tell by the way Steve’s brow is all furrowed in a stupidly cute stupid way.

“I dunno, man,” Steve says (and Eddie definitely does not stare as he watches a single bead of sweat drip down the slope of Steve’s throat, over those pair of freckles Eddie absolutely hasn't thought about sinking his teeth into), "I kind of have a lot of experience with head injuries and that looked like it hurt. Are you sure –"

"Why do you care?"

Steve's worried expression crumples into something steely that just makes Eddie feel like even more of a dick than he knows he's already being. "I just know how shitty concussions can be, sorry for worrying about you, I guess --"

Fuck. Eddie sighs. It would be so much easier if Steve was the jerk Eddie'd always thought he was instead of what he's really turning out to be, which is such a fucking sweetheart that Eddie can't help but want to do a lot of really, really not sweet things to him. "Shit, no -- I'm being an asshole. Maybe chalk it up to that possible head trauma you're worried about?"

Steve is quiet for a moment, but then that look of cool detachment disappears, and he smiles, all gleaming white teeth, and it feels like watching the fucking sun splitting through storm clouds or some shit. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

Eddie blinks and sees that Harrington's got his middle finger up, flipping him the bird with such a smug little smirk on that pretty face that Eddie can't help it. He laughs. "Cute."

"You really think so?" Maybe it's the heat. That's gotta be it, Eddie thinks, watching how Steve's cheeks flush, watches as it spreads down past his throat, past those tufts of chest hair poking up teasingly past the stretched out collar of his borrowed t shirt.

The t-shirt Steve had so clearly borrowed from Robin. Robin, who was supposedly Harrington's girlfriend. The image of Robin from earlier in the cafeteria that day wearing Steve’s letterman jacket flashes across his mind and he has to bite him own tongue to stop himself from wincing.

Eddie's gonna throw up. Maybe he does have a concussion after all.

[sarasade]

On Claudia, Viren, Aaravos & Claudia's Character Arc

This post is mostly about Claudia's character development or should I say character deterioration.

It's highly likely that Callum will be the one to take down Aaravos- like it all goes back to Harrow's letter in s2 and chains of history and the themes of free will vs destiny and such. Aaravos possessing Callum is all about that. He's literally taking control of Callum's faith. There is clear antagonism there that's in a direct conflict with who Callum is.

But at the same time Claudia is the one who's got the biggest personal beef with Aaravos. He exploited her grief, manipulated her and used her father to accomplish his own goals. If Aaravos didn't exist Claudia wouldn't have spent two years of her life in a complete stagnation waiting for her dad to come back from the dead instead of moving on. It seems like Aaravos has been molding Claudia into his personal minion through dark magic during the time skip as well.

Taking this into account it would be really satisfying to see Claudia snap out of it and take her revenge. Characters having a personal connection to the villain always makes a story's climax more gripping. More personal the better! And everything between Aaravos and Claudia is VERY personal.

That's why Viren worked so well as a foil to Callum and Ezran in s 1-3. Especially Ezran whose rightful place as the king he tried to take. He was basically their shitty, power hungry uncle who turned against them. Side note but if Viren is still alive I hope he makes a return as Ezran's foil.

Claudia helping to take down Aaravos would be emotionally satisfying. All the elements for that are already there. Of course Claudia should come to some kind of realisation about the way she's been used by Aaravos before she can take that turn. I doubt the show's got the time for that but it's an interesting possibility to think about.

I really like how the plot around Aaravos manipulating Claudia is done. Even Claudia's own father didn't do anything to prevent it from happening although all the signs of Aaravos having sinister plans for Claudia were there from the beginning: Aaravos calling Claudia "an asset" and encouraging Viren to lie to her in s3 therefore enabling Viren's worst impulses while also using them to his benefit. It's SO EVIL (and I love it). Viren isn't that much better since he always had some kind of excuse to ignore the red flags. At this point of TDP's run I'm convinced that Runaan's "Faith worse than death" line about Aaravos' mirror is finally paying off. It means that the consequences of Viren's actions have hurt Claudia, the only person Viren loves unconditionally, in an unfathomable way.

I think Claudia's arc is relatively subtle and very well done. It balances between Claudia being a victim of manipulation and neglect while also giving her agency to influence the plot as a whole. My only complaint is that Lost Child short story should have been implemented in the show itself and not just be extra material. I have some other grievances but those are mostly fandom related.

How some fans, especially in YouTube reviews, talk about Claudia's downfall like it was inevitable because she's always been fucked up or talking about how "trauma isn't an excuse for bad behaviour" is strange to me. Like, yeah, it isn't an excuse but it's simply just bad media analysis to instantly jump into condemning Claudia's actions, like she's a real person who uses trauma as an excuse to hurt other real people, instead of seeing it in the terms of a character study. Claudia clearly uses trauma to convince herself that what she's doing is right but never tries to manipulate anyone else by using it as an excuse. Think about her and Terry for example: she usually refuses Terry's help instead of trying to garner sympathy from him. This character trait is one of the many reasons why she felt obligated to keep her family together as well. She's extremely stubborn and not very self-conscious about her trauma brain but she does understand why others would see her actions as objectionable. I think this character type (usually a woman) has been given the playful nickname "trauma bitch" in the internet lexicon. Anyway god forbid if we actually empathise, reflect on and engage with unpleasant or problematic characters instead of instantly condemning them.

TDP is about how people can always CHOOSE a different path. Viren's dark magic hallucination in season 5 stated this very clearly.

In Claudia's case it's more interesting to think about WHY she DOESN'T choose differently. That's where all the meat of her character writing lies.

Claudia's arc is what happens when the desperate actions of someone motivated by trauma around abandonment are taken to their logical conclusion in this fantasy setting. It's a fictional story, it has metaphors and shit. Fantasy genre has used necromancy and extending one's life by magical means as a story element to explore humanity's relationship to death many times. The metaphor for loss and regret basically writes itself. Ursula Le Guin has used this trope in The Earthsea books, Peter S. Beagle's The Last Unicorn has done it etc. Everything can't be a one to one comparison to real life (trauma rarely makes you want to kill your friends with dark magic irl. idk that's just me though) and there needs to be a level of abstraction involved in a fantasy story. Abstraction and metaphor, paradoxically, can reveal a greater truth about the world. (I'm probably accidentally quoting someone here but can't remember who.)

Anyway the rest is great. When you think of it all for a moment it's pretty fucked up how Claudia has been used by Aaravos. It's not some tiny part of Caludia's story. It IS her story. And Viren set that norm for her. Viren too has abused Claudia's trust. It's a complex subject and probably requires its own post since Viren, Soren and Claudia's situation reflects some pretty realistic dynamics real life troubled families have. That's why the characters compliment each other's stories so well. Viren is a more realistic character after all when Aaravos is more over the top and symbolic and less of a real person. Aaravos is one of those villains who embodies the opposing ideology of the heros. We (still) don't know almost anything personal about him so he matters mostly in relation to other characters.

Thanks for reading this Claudia propaganda! I've had so many of these in the drafts. Anyway TL;DR

[stargirlforevah]

*•.¸♡ MAN OF THE HOUR♡¸.•*

𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐊𝐈 𝐊𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐑𝐈 𝐗 𝐅𝐄𝐌!𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: smut, unprotected sex (wrap it before u tap it folks) piv sex, oral(male!receiving), tit play, grinding/dry humping

𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞: MDNI! DENKI AND READER ARE IN 2nd YEAR OF COLLEGE!! Also this is one of my first longer “fics” so if you like, please interact so I can write more. Also PRETTY PLEASEE send in requests, I wanna write what ya’ll wanna see! Okay enjoy ya nasties!

★·.·´¯`·.·★ ★·.·´¯`·.·★ ★·.·´¯`·.·★ ★·.·´¯`·.·★ ★·.·´¯`·.·

You stood in the mirror, holding up two mini skirts to your body. Red or black? You tossed your head back in frustration. Fashion was full of trails and tribulations.

“Minaaa!” You yelled. “Red or black mini skirt?”

“Black,” Mina called back, standing in your bathroom mirror trying desperately to shove a second pair of earrings through her piercing that closed months ago.

“Mins, lets just get it re-pierced,” you winced.

“NO! I literally got this!”

“Whatever you say,” you said with a sigh.

The soccer team at your Uni had won Regionals and was hosting a celebration at the frat. The star player who scored the winning goal, Denki Kaminari, was apart of the frat, so of course the party would be go big or go home.

You were mutual friends with Denki, although not as close as you’d like to be. Though he was incredibly attractive, a star soccer player and had a charming personality, you heard enough talk to believe he has yet to touch a woman. How interesting.

“Okay slut,” Mina said, grinning as she stepped out of your bathroom. “Let’s go.”

Giggling as you walked up the frat steps to the pounding base of Heartless by The Weeknd, you inhaled the party scene. Alcohol, sweat and cheap cologne. Lovely.

Mina quickly went off to find Momo Yaoyorozu, who she had been crushing on for weeks and who was unlikely to be found at a scene as vulgar as this. You can’t blame a girl for trying though.

You refrained from ingesting the punch bowl mix some random boy had told you was “jungle juice.” Sounded more like a trip to the emergency room to get your stomach pumped. You settled with a coke and rum instead.

Scanning the room for someone you could talk to, you saw a flash of blond hair with a lightning strike streak. Denki! He was leaning against the doorframe of his room, completely alone. Odd.

“Hey!” You called out. “If it isn’t the man of the hour!”

“Hey Y/N!” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Glad you could make it.”

“Me too,” you smirked at him. He was nervous. How cute. “How’s the star player life treating you?”

“Oh same as always,” he laughed nervously.

“Oh don’t be modest, Kami. You put our soccer team on the map. You have to have a whole fanclub by now.”

“Nope,” he sighed.

“More for me, I guess,” you sipped your drink and looked up at him.

Denki nearly choked on air. A girl like you? Coming onto him? It seemed unfathomable. Sure, girls had hit on him before, but he had never had the courage to take it past harmless flirting. Maybe a kiss if he was feeling bold.

You stepped closer to him, smirking. “It’s a shame you aren’t getting the star treatment you deserve.”

“Y-yeah,” he felt his dick stir. “A real shame.”

“I can fix that,” you whispered, running your hand along his v-line.

“R-really?”

“Yes, Kami. Let me take care of you.”

You pushed him into his room and kicked the door shut. Shoving him on his bed, you straddled his lap.

“Y-you’re so beautiful Y/N,” he said breathlessly.

“And you’re adorable, Kami.”

You began to slowly grind your hips onto his half hard dick. He whimpered softly and squeezed his eyes shut, causing you to smirk.

“Has anyone ever touched your dick before?”

“N-no one but me.”

You began to play with the zipper of his jeans, continuing to ride his thigh. You began to moan softly at the pressure on your clit.

“F-fuck, do you like grinding on me?” Denki said nervously.

“Mhm..” you nodded slowly. Unsure of how to help, Denki began to bounce his thigh slowly to meet your movements.

“Shit Denki, that feels so fucking good.”

“Y-yeah?”

“Mhm, I’m close pretty, but I wanna cum on your cock.”

Denki moaned at your words.

“But first, I wanna suck you off. Can I Kami, pretty please?” You batted your eyelashes at him.

“Fuck, okay.” He whined.

You unzipped his pants, pulling down his boxers. His cock sprung free, leaking pre all the way down his tip. Your eyes widened, and Denki covered his face in embarrassment.

“Uncover your face, Denki. Wanna see the faces you make when I suck your cock.”

Denki looked down at you as you began to lick around his tip, eliciting whimpers from the blonde boy. Licking up the pre and moaning at the salty taste, you began your ministrations.

“Oh shit, Y/N. I-I fuck..I can’t…” Denki whined.

You took his whole cock in your mouth and began bobbing your head. His moans grew louder as you began to play with his balls.

“N-not gonna last long,” Denki choked out. “M, sorry.”

You batted your eyelashes at him, eager to please and continued the bobbing of your head. Denki’s legs began to shake and his cock began to twitch, signaling he was close to his release. His hands found purchase in your hair, grabbing at anything he could grasp.

“F-FUCK,” he moaned out. “C-cumming, CUMMING!”

You popped his dick out of your mouth and hastily threw off your shirt.

“On my tits,” you moaned. “Please Kami.”

That elicited an incredibly loud whine from Denki as he spilled his hot seed all over you perky tits. Breathless and starstruck, he just stared. How did he get this lucky? As if scoring the winning goal wasn’t lucky enough.

You straddled him once more, and held up a tit to his face.

“Suck.” You commanded.

“Y-yes, anything,” he said eager to please. He took your tit into his mouth and began to suck on your pert nipple.

Moaning, you began grinding yourself on his leg once more.

“Fuck Kami baby, so good to me.”

He began to swirl his tongue around your nipple, producing more and more moans and whines from your lips. Suddenly, he unleashed your nipple with a loud POP!

“P-please,” he whined. “Can’t take it anymore. Please ride me.”

You smirked and grabbed his dick, which was hard again.

“Anything for my star player,” you grinned and sank down onto him, eliciting loud whines from you AND him.

“So big, Kami,” you whined. “Why have you been hiding this from me?”

You began to bounce slowly up and down, as his cock began to ram into your G-spot.

“F-fuck Y/N..you feel so good.. such a pretty pussy.”

You began to go harder, eager to please him and draw more whimpers from his mouth. The lewd squelch of you pussy and skin slapping sounds filled the room.

“So good, Kami..So wet for you and only you.”

“Y-yeah.. you don’t know how long I’ve thought about this.”

His cock repeatedly rammed your G-spot, making your vision blurry and speech slurred.

“M close Kami,” you slurred.

“M-me too.”

“Cum inside, please. Make me yours.”

Denki couldn’t hold on much longer. You came with an obscene moan, the one’s in the adult films that seem fake. But yours was so, incredibly real.

“F-fuck..F-uck..shit.. cumming…” Denki stuttered as he desperately thrusted his hips up into you.

“Please Kami,” you begged. “Make me yours. Fill me up please!!”

“FUCK!” Denki screamed as he filled you with his hot load.

Laughing and giddy from the pleasure, you laid next to him, his cum seeping in between your legs.

“Next time,” he stated. “You’re riding my face.”

[boypussydilf]

FaC Miniseries really be out here saying, "Simon, you might be a suicidal man who would give his own life and brain for a pair of strangers that resemble a part of the traumatic past that ruined your life, but consider: you were selfish in your past relationship because you didn't consider your girlfriend enough and now that she sacrificed herself to become God for you you aren't allowed to die because that would make her sacrifice be in vain. You have to continue living in a world that you no longer relate to with people who will continue to deadname you and bring up your traumatic past for funzies and you aren't even allowed to reconciliate with your daughter or other closest friends because they have a happy life without you bumming them out with your depression and we wouldn't want you to burden them with your feelings of uselessness and crippling lack of self worth now would we? Now go hang out with a literal child you 59+ year old man, you have therapy in an hour."

hey i wanna point out that cripple is like. a slur a lot of ppl still use it in this kind of context w/o thinking but u can just say like, debilitating instead theres not any reason to use it

ik its just like habit tho bc its still kinda common so to respond to the ask ,

KSBDJWBDJWBJDBWJDNWJDBWJDBWJDBWJDBWJDBWJSHHSB

They just could NOT be assed to resolve or address any of his emotional issues huh!!!!!!!! Yeah Simon, we know you think you suck, and you are suicidally depressed, and you are traumatized from both living through the apocalypse and spending a thousand years trapped under a curse, and the world changed without you so you now feel fundamentally out of place, can’t relate to people around you, and none of your skills are applicable anymore, and you are being crushed under the guilt of the love of your life making an unfathomably giant sacrifice to save you, and you wanted to see her again and apologize for not being able to bring her back so so badly that you were willing to kidnap a guy and keep him in a cage in your house for it, and you feel absolutely no sense of purpose in your life and have nothing to do anymore, but like, we have a really really great idea for how we’re gonna deal with that: we WON’T! We just Won’t Address It. You get to mention how you were willing to basically die because you felt like your life was worthless ONE time, and it will be after you regain the will to LIVE because you… got… told that you fucked everything up with your fiancé because you were apparently super selfish on accident? Now you’re just gonna go back home and be happy now. No yeah nothing changed in either your life or your mental state but we have to pretend it did because the story is over now. Your happy ending montage will casually feature you happily drinking at the bar. Don’t think about episode 4. Oh huh what’s that? What about your daughter figure who you felt you weren’t important to and would just be burdening and worrying with your difficult emotions, which seemed to be leading to you choosing to have a genuine and honest talk with her in the end? No she doesn’t even get mentioned, let alone show up on screen. Also Betty may or may not be dead. Yeah now that she cured your depression by telling you you fucked up she’s moving on with her life or something by which we may or may not mean reincarnating. Yeah we might have fridged her. Happy ending for everyone!

the therapy scene hits a special nerve like good for him but oh my god. i cant actually think of any other examples, but i feel like ive seen too many things decide that the way to portray healing as a difficult nonlinear thing is to. directly state “This is going to be complicated and hard!” and then not actually show it being complicated or hard now that they’ve acknowledged it. like dude all we actually see in that ending is just him being happy. you really made it seem like he is just Fine now. guys. guys what happened to his everything

[highladyivy]

Currently Reading the ACOTAR series on book 2 here are some thoughts as I read through the books - A thread.

ACOTAR (Finished reading)

Thoughts are in no particular order

• Feyre chose tamlin when Lucien was right there!!!! Lucien x Feyre > Tamlin x Feyre

• I think Nesta was wrong for always taking the money that feyre worked so hard for when they were humans. The comment about oh I always knew you’d be able to get more bitch the fuck. Go chop the firewood you had one job.

• I get that the spring court was cursed to not talk about said curse but you idiots could draw a fucking story board. Do an interruptive dance idk… anything non verbal… CHARADES FOR FUXKS SAKES

• The moment she realizes that almost all the staff at spring court watched her get lured out by the puca.

• Lucien hesitating to save Feyre but then feeling guilty about it.

• I think lucien was right tamlin should’ve waited three more days before shipping Feyre off she probably would’ve said I love you if he hadn’t just sprung it on it as she was being carried away.

• The glamour not working on Nesta is interesting

• The difference between tamlin and Rhysand: Rhysand going through literally daily sexual assault for 49 years to protect his people vs tamlin going and sending his own people out in Hopes that one of them gets killed so that he could bring that person over to woo them make them fall in love with him so that they would be released from the curse

• Rhysand under the mountain is just chefs kiss

• yes he did some unfathomable things like force her to make the bargain but in all honesty it was for her own good in the end.

• Rhysand was protecting her even before the bond snapped for him.

• Page 324 - Rhysand falls in love with Feyre he just doesn’t know it yet

• page 328 him being the only one that votes for her to win.

• him letting his guard down around her when he stays in her cell for a little while to get a break from everything

• when the bond snaps for Rhysand. Proves my theory that mates aren’t rare the majority of them are just born human and not fae.

ACOMAF (currently reading)

• tamline is totally giving women should be seen not heard vibes

• the fuck tampon you really gonna lie there while the women who risked her whole life LITERALLY is waisting away and vomiting her guts up from TRAUMA in the bathroom and you just gonna ignore her.

• Feyre waiting for the bond to snap with tamlin 😬

• ianthe - that’s it that’s the thought it’s not a good one

• tamlin is giving me the ick

• Ianthe wants tamlin for herself

• suspicious that she made sure she was the only priestess there - possibly a villain turn??

• there’s my boy Lucien trying to help Feyre.

• if I didn’t love Feysand so much I’d be Feyre x Lucien.

• the dress did Feyre dirty

• No red and what does Ianthe do put red there

• I mean good riddance cause I feel like if the. Red wasn’t there she would have went through with the wedding and Rhysand wouldn’t have heard her and saved her.

• hello Feyre darling — #dead

• the sentences he has her practice amazing work truly some of his best.

• feyre realizing that Morgan wanted to hang out but was waiting for and invite

• really tamlin

• I don’t think he was any bit concerned about her well being at all while at the night court he just wanted to get inside information

• he pretty much interrogated her as soon as she got back.

• This makes me think he’s up to something - and it’s not good

• Rhysand treats Feyre like a capable fae while tamlin coddles her and treats her like an object a fragile object.

On chapter 8 will continue as I go…

[rottorex]

Maybe something a little bit like Snake bites

Hmm 🤔 I can give you some NSFW Dom Obanai headcanons since his sexuality is what’s focused on in that fic. Still Obamitsu centered ofc bc we all know what I love writing.

Some of these might be a little contradictory and cringe, but y’all get me I know you do. Some time has passed since I wrote snake bites and my thoughts of their smex life has changed just a bit.

****I’m sure you know but if you didn’t, anon is speaking in ref to this old oneshot of mine. (Shameless plug bc I actually recently edited/revamped it)

🔞minors DNI im so serious. I’m mean and annoying I will block u. Minors deserve a space online! Just not here while I’m talkin bout’ sex

Ignore the typos this is for fun!

Dominant Obanai HC’s

In my mind, Obanai is the ultimate final boss of switches. This man holds zero preference in whether he Tops or bottoms bc he really only cares about one thing. Her

Indiscriminate Giver and body worshiper. He’s almost entirely focused on making Mitsuri feel pretty and desirable. Heavy handed with his groping. Likes to squeeze at her breasts and slap her ass. Prefers to bite and suck on her inner thighs. The skin there is unfathomably soft. It feels good between his teeth and they’re sensitive enough to make her twitch.

Him being a switch aside, if he’s topping her…well 👀

Service Dom, I cannot stress this enough. Can get borderline sadistic with how many Orgasms he’s determined to give her. Half of his motivations for it is just getting off on pleasing her. The other half is the need to fuel his ego. Maybe even prove to himself that he’s good enough. He wants to be the only one who can make her feel good. Very good

Will use any and everything to get her off. His mouth, his fingers- one of the tens of toys and contraptions hes bought her. (He fantasies about getting her one of those fuck machines.)

Refuses to give her any dick unless she’s over stimulated and only has one O’ left in her.

Obsessed with eating pussy (you’d need a crowbar to pry him off of her). Has a slightly humiliating habit of cumming in his pants prematurely from getting too excited over it. Will suck her clit till she’s grabbing a fistful of his hair and pulling him off.

In love with every aspect of her, from her body to the core of her being. That being said…her body? Divine. Perfection.

Loves to watch her masturbate sometimes. Wont even touch himself. just watches to obsess over how gorgeous she is.

I know everyone thinks he’s a boob guy, and I see it! Especially if he’s in a bottoming for her and she’s just smothering him. He loves that shit. But in my mind he loves every part of her equally…and then her thighs just the smallest bit more.

She’s got a lot of insecurities, she’s a bit anxious, and he has a zero tolerance rule for any negativity towards his partner. And Mitsuri is not exempt from that. Meaning even a hushed comment about her looking bad is reprimanded later.

Will withhold orgasms until she repeats whatever gushy praises he’s cooked up for her. She wants to cum? Not until calls herself a pretty girl.

Makes her watch herself. He loves having her masturbate infront of mirrors. Or even positions the both of them to where she has to watch him fuck her.

A bit of a call back to him liking to watch her: On rare occasions, when he’s in the mood for a little quick action, he’ll fuck her face. Because yes her mouth feels so good on him, but oh does she look so cute with a messy face and runny makeup. Will happily cum on her if she asks for it.

He’s not a fan of hitting, that’s his princess, tf 🤨. But sometimes she’ll request for him to handle her roughly, and he will comply because she asked him to. He tried slapping her in the face once and immediately cried over it. Apologized 4000 times despite Mitsuri literally saying “hit me” 30 seconds prior.

[druidposting]

Not to get sociopolitical in the cr maintag, but I think a lot of people arent understanding something VERY critical to the "gods good or bad" argument, so I'm gonna try and lay out these points as best I can.

(This ended up being very long, but if you enjoy analyzing CR through a sociological lens, it's all under the cut.)

To start, you have to understand that the Exandrian gods are immortal beings with immense power and influence compared to the mortals of the material plane. Yes, obviously gods have died/sustained wounds in the past, but comparing the power required to do any of those things to a god is like comparing the wattage of the Sun to that of a lightbulb. Its just incomparable.

In spite of this, however, I keep seeing posts about how its fucked up to kill someone just because they didn't give you what you wanted. For starters, the gods aren't just "someone" - as I said before, they're unfathomably powerful and immortal beings, and while they no longer have the ability to walk the earth and shape it to their whims, they absolutely have the ability to influence the ideas and ethics of the mortals that do walk the earth in very material ways (see the Angle of Irons cult, Tevan Klask the champion of Asmodeus we just met, and Pelor vs the Valley Coalition for examples). To put it in maybe more understandable terms, you can make a decent allegory between the gods and real-world political pundits, in the sense that while a president cant literally shape the world how they want, they have an overwhelmingly disproportionate ability to influence and shape how the people they rule over think and feel, and what should and shouldn't be morally permissible in their society. In a vacuum, the fundamental role of politicians in current neoliberal societies is to try and ensure their ideas and ethics are the dominant ones, so that the people they rule over can do the shaping of the world for them. This is why I find it much more permissible, and often necessary, even, to pass judgement over and rise up against (and wish death upon (in minecraft)) political pundits whos morals don't align with mine - their ideas have material influence on society, in ways that normal individuals don't, and I happen to agree with Marx when he said "the ideas of the ruling class are in every epoch the ruling ideas".

So all that said, I totally see why some Exandrian mortals would be very very upset with some of the gods for various reasons! And I fully support their desires and rights to protest and fight back against any proponents and arbiters of bad ideas and prescriptions.

HOWEVER. This does NOT mean I am pro destroying the Exandrian pantheon. I think that based on everything we know so far (especially with the new info from the latest episode), that would be a net bad for Exandrian mortals.

To understand why I feel this way even in spite of my above arguments, I think it will be helpful to outline what I think are the worst of the likely outcomes if Predathos is released;

A power vacuum opens with the gods eradicated, and Ludinus (or some other dictator, but likely Ludinus as I think this is his actual goal) promptly fills the position of god emperor of Exandria, With no external forces to restrict their actions, and free reign over how they choose to rule the people. The consequences of this are even less freedom for Exandrian mortals than they had under the oversight of the gods, which is in my opinion, very bad.

The swaths of demon armies who have been chomping at the bit for literal millennia to find any minute perceived weakness in the divinely appointed (whether by Prime or Betrayer god) defenders of the Material Plane from the Abyssal armies, are finally able to overcome these defenses and wage devastating war and eradicate all life on Exandria. This is something we're already starting to see happen in the Grey Valley in the current arc, and I have to say, this also seems like it would be really bad for mortals.

Predathos doesn't stop after eating the gods, and in the end, devours all of Exandria. That would probably also be pretty bad.

Even if none of those things ended up happening, the overwhelming threat level of any of those outcomes, and the fair likelihood of any of them happening, far outweighs the potential benefits Ludinus proposes. I'll liken it again to real-world politics in the US, because I think some useful parallels can be made here; Think of the Exandrian gods as the Democrats, and Predathos as the Republicans. No one likes the Democrats. They're cowardly, their polices are luke-warm at best and detrimental to human happiness at worst, they continue to bolster capitalism even though their constituents hate it, all of their politicians are way too old, and god damn do they ever come off as condescending. But compared to the Republicans? They are the bastion of freedom. The Democrats are far from perfect. The Exandrian gods are far from perfect. But when your other option for who gets to govern you and your society is a fascist, you must do anything to preserve the freedoms you currently have, even if they're limited. Under the Exandrian Gods, the limited freedoms mortals have are infinitely more favorable to the zero freedom they would have under a dictatorship or as a dead person. With the Exandrian Gods, individuals have the chance to rise up against oppressions they face from their disciples, and to make more and more gains over time that solidify and bolster their freedoms. This is just objectively not an option under any of the above scenarios if Predathos is unleashed. If you're facing down the existential threat of fascism in a neoliberal establishment, you do not toss the current establishment aside in favor of a better one - you buy time by bolstering the current establishment, and when the threat is lower, then you can look at revolutionary action and work towards better forms of governance again. I believe that similarly, Exandrians will have the best opportunity for the greatest freedom in the future if they're able to stave off Predathos and Ludinus.

Now with all this context, I can talk about something that Ludinus either fails to understand - or deliberately doesn't care about and misconstrues for the sake of enacting his end goal - that is key to this debate, that being the difference between positive and negative freedoms.

Very briefly, negative freedoms are characterized as freedom from external constraints on any actions they may wish to take. For example, freedom of speech allows an individual the freedom to speak whatever they wish without the imposition of government. Positive freedoms are characterized by the freedom to do something, the ability to enact your future goals and desires. Positive and negative freedoms are often at odds with each other. A good real-world example of this would be murder. I think everyone would agree with saying murder being a punishable crime is a good thing - but is it not an imposition on an individual's freedom to legislate against them acting on their free will, if murder was what they wanted to do? Technically, its a removal of their negative freedom to act without constraint, but outlawing murder is itself a positive freedom, as it allows people the ability to live without fear of death (and obviously grants positive freedom to the hypothetical victim in that they now have the freedom to live instead of having died to the murderer).

With Ludinus, the freedom he talks about, freedom from the meddling and imposition of the gods on the free will of mortals, is a negative freedom. But if the potential consequences of releasing Predathos could be as dire as the complete destruction of all mortals on Exandria, or the subjugation of all mortals to the dictatorship of whoever fills the resulting power vacuum, then I feel pretty safe in saying that Exandrians deserve the positive freedom to continue living without the fear of certain death or subjugation under a post-Predathos world, even if there's the possibility that the current gods continue to meddle with ideas as they have. A dead Exandrian can't rise up and resist the will of the gods and their disciples, after all.

[theriverbeyond]

I am unrecommending the stupid ass book normal people. I have an unfathomable amount of hate in my heart for that book. first and LAST time I ever picked up a “tiktok famous” good god I was just curious and it was such a big mistake. NO fucking quotation marks around dialogue because the author thinks she is unique and different AND. all the misery and trauma porn in the world JUST FOR IT TO MEAN NOTHING IN THE END. nobody grows or changes as a character it is the WORST book i’ve ever read and I literally cannot understand how so many people say that is their favorite book that changed their life. y’all need to read more CHRIST

im ngl i think that is what cormac mcarthy does as well (no dialog punctuation nor punctuation in general). i have mixed feelings, I think it can work really well when character voices are very distinct (i.e. John chapters of Nona the Ninth) but can get VERY annoying if the execution is unskilled. I have never heard of this book and will definitely not be looking it up now o7

[samcscreams]

Pt3 Tara Knows AU: previous

“I’m meant to be alone” Sam dropped her gaze from her sister. As if that would make this any easier.

“Why would you say that?” Tara saw the opening in Sam’s walls so she moved to close the gap between them hoping her sister wouldn’t turn her away.

Before Sam could answer Tara’s question or stop her from coming closer just down the stairs the front door handle started to jiggle.

“Mom” the sisters said to each other

Without thinking Sam ushered her baby sister into her room. She knew this conversation wasn’t over but she also knew having it in the hall was a death sentence.

Both girls waited silently listing to the steps echoing about the house. The girls had become fluent in what each step meant. A creak here and a double creak there meant she was only tipsy (a normal persons drunk). She would head straight to bed and sleep for hours. They were safe.

Sam exhaled in relief. She could bearly handle the conversation at hand let alone an attack from their mother. She turned to her sister who was standing arms crossed looking up at her.

“What” Sam asked

“Don’t what me. You know what” Tara sniped back

“I’m not safe Tara” Sam moved to her bed. Turing her back to her sister. If she could she would crawl into her bed and sink so far into her mattress it would swallow her whole.

“What are you talking about? What do you mean you’re not safe? From who?” Tara was concerned with what her sister seemed to be saying. She crossed the room to try and look out the window as if that was going to answer her question.

Sam wanted to laugh at the situation. In a another life she might have.

“No. Not like that. Uh fuck. I mean I’m not safe to be around” Sam spit out her answer awkwardly trying to fix the confusion dancing in the air. Tara only turned and looked at her more confused than before. Blinking those big brown eyes like each blink would wash away the misunderstanding.

“I told you I don’t know how to talk” Sam averted her eyes from Tara. She felt defeated in her lack of communication.

Tara could sense her sister was burning inside. She could see the way she was squirming under the microscope she held to her. But Tara couldn’t help it. She needed to understand.

“What do you mean you’re not safe to be around? How could you possibly not be safe to be around. Sam you’re literally the one person I trust with my life.” Tara shifted her weight as she tried to wrap her brain around what her sister was saying. It honestly was unfathomable for Tara to think of Sam in such a way.

“I’m almost 18. He was too” Sam couldn’t help but be cryptic. The words to clear the air died on her tongue. She couldn’t face the her fear. What if saying it out loud was the key for it to become real.

Tara moved to her sister who was now sitting on her bed. Luckily with Sam sitting they were now eye level with each other. Tara cupped Sam’s face drawing her eyes to meet her own. She noticed the forming tears pooling in Sam’s eyes.

“Sammy. You could never be like him” Tara’s eyes were intense staring into Sam’s. She needed Sam to know that what she said wasn’t an opinion it was just plain facts.

But Sam could never listen.

“You don’t know that. Not really.” Sam broke free from her sister’s grasp. She got up from the bed and moved to her closet. As she went to open it her heart screamed to keep it closed.

Tara could feel the rage building inside her. Watching her sister brush her off again like her words mean nothing. Like her experience means nothing. Like she means nothing. She couldn’t keep it in anymore. It wasn’t fair to herself.

“You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to say those things. I know you Sam. You act like I don’t and it’s not fair. I watched and I waited for you to tell me what’s going on. For you to tell me why you pushed away. I’ve blamed myself for years. That I did this. So you don’t get to stand there and lie to me. Because I know. I know how you protect me. The night dad left I remember how your first instinct was to cover me. You held me behind you so I wouldn’t see. When mom started to throw stuff you shielded me the best you could and it was you who cleaned my cuts after. I know it was you who beat up Johnny smith for stealing my lunch for a week and I know that’s why nobody picks on me anymore. Literally everyone knows that you’ll protect me. So why can’t you?”

Tara was out of breath by the time she was finished. Sam was still standing by her closet. The girls were actively back into the position they were in the hall. Tara stranded alone begging for the one person that makes her world make sense to come back to her. Then there’s Sam, turning her back from the one person that makes her feel like shes not actually a monster.

Sam could feel her fear crawling up her throat. The nightmares the plagued her mind flash one after another. She had already made up her mind about who she was. That’s why her closet was entirely empty and under her bed was crammed with packed bags. But Tara would fight. Kicking and screaming Tara would fight for her to stay, to face it. She knows there’s no more hiding from this. The one person who wasn’t supposed to know. Knows. If she ever lost control and hurt…

Sams made up her mind. She’ll always protect Tara. Even if it means leaving.

“Look at me” Tara was growing impatient with her sister “just look at me. I’m here now”

Sam turned towards her baby sister. She knew what she had to do.

“That’s the problem Tara. Your here. You’re always here. Always reminding me that I don’t belong. That I’m not like you. That I’m cursed to be your downfall. Reminding me every day of the monster I really am”

Sam’s eyes grew dark and cold. Tara had seen her big sisters eyes like this. They were never pointed at her but she had seen Sam flip her switch before. However, it wasn’t until now she made the connection of where she’d seen them before.

Amber was obsessed with Stab but even more the documentary about the true story. Amber would have it on all the time. Mainly in the back ground when they were hanging out and doing homework. Tara could never fully understand why watching it made her so uncomfortable. Then it hit.

Sam’s eyes

Billy’s eyes

They were the same eyes.

If Tara had any doubts before they were washed away. A surge of sadness washed over Tara as reality set in. They really didn’t share a father, not that that really mattered to Tara. No the worst part of this situation was that Sam was trying to scare her. To push her fully away. She could tell by the way Sam slowly moved closer like a wolf stalking its pray. Sam was showing her the devil with in and expected Tara to hate her in return.

“You don’t know me anymore Tara. I’ve chan…”

“Just stop” tara said in a dry tone

Sam was towering over her sister. But at the sudden dry straight tone she stumbled back a bit.

“If you’re trying to scare me it’s not gonna work. I don’t care how many times I’ll have to say this until you believe it yourself. YOU ARE NOT A MONSTER. You’re my sister and I just want you to stop pushing me away. You said you’d always be there for me. But you’re not.”

Sam dropped her guard. She had been bested. As if all her walls were made of glass Tara knew everything. But most importantly Tara was right. She was loving her sister from afar and hadn’t truly been there for her in years.

“Fuck you’re right. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I haven’t been able to stop fucking up since that night.” Sam started to cry there wasn’t any doors holding back the emotions now.

“What night?” Tara reached out to grab Sam. They both sank to the floor.

“The night dad left. I found mom’s diary and read how she cheated with Billy and got pregnant with me so I confronted her and I didn’t know dad was behind me and he didn’t know that I wasn’t his so when he found out he started yelling and left.”

“Oh” the sudden information connected all the dots for Tara.

“I’m the reason dad left. I’m the reason our family is broken. I’m the reason for everything that’s bad in your life Tara. How could I not be a monster?”

[homunculus-argument]

Romcom concept that doesn't involve people chasing people who are taken/aren't interested:

There's two unfathomably vain and superficial people, like straight-up caricatures of the instagram-perfect social media obsessed, plastic-coated ghouls who have next to no hobbies or interests other than wanting to show off a fabulous lifestyle and be admired and envied by everyone. They start dating each other, largely because both think the other one is a solid 10/10, and showing off your Super Hot Partner is ideal for both of them.

Plenty of ~date outfit~ selfie posts and full-blown photoshoots at lavish restaurants ensue.

They move in together and at this point realise that both of them are selfish, self-centered, can't communicate, can't compromise and altogether fucking hate each other, but whining about "haha hate wife" on your social media is such a boomer move and a really bad look. They've also already gotten accustomed to how convenient it is to have a partner who doesn't think it's weird to not only photograph and document random minutiae of their life, but deliberately set the scene and stage fake, artificial "candid" pictures of a far more aesthetic and photogenic life than theirs actually is.

So they double down on the relationship - and broadcasting it - by doing more stuff together, going from "look at how hot my date is" to "look at how awesome our relationship is" -content. Actually getting to know each other and their interests more, even if it's just to show themselves off, "lol look at how cute and clumsy I look on my boyfriend's dirtbike!" and bragging about the absurd lengths he went into to find a replacement when his girlfriend's discontinued favourite contouring brush fell apart.

Gradually this deliberately fabricated ~flawless perfect couple~ larp gets deeper and more genuine, to the point where they truly, actually love each other. They're still both astonishingly vain, empty, hollow and superficial people, but they've got a mutual passion for it. At the end they get married, and have the most unfathomably, obnoxiously stylish, photogenic and picture-perfect wedding that anyone's ever seen.

Last scene is of them after the wedding, guests are gone and music has been turned off, they've changed into sweatpants and are sitting on the sofa, ignoring the champaigne flutes on the coffee table in front of them. They're both quietly browsing their phones, not talking, until one of them shows the other something off theirs. They're both browsing through the comments people have already made of their wedding photos online. And you know the two of them are going to annoy the ever-loving shit out of literally everyone else except each other, happily ever after.

[moregraceful]

sorry. sorry. in my feelings once again about @theresonly1u. i think as my time at this job winds down and i spend 80 hours a day on tumblr instead of doing literally any part of what i was hired to do, it's really uhhh heartwarming?? joy-giving?? to run a prompt meme that is received so enthusiastically by sports fandoms i didn't even know existed. in the midst of unfathomable bullshit (i STILL have not been told that i don't have a boss), the idea that 1u is creating community in a fandom i did not know existed until this morning got me like:

like yes there are the horrors. there are so many horrors. the horrors are many and varied and often health insurance related. and imminently i will have to stop fucking around on tumblr for 80 hours a day and do what i promised everyone i would do, which is figure out what i want to do next. and that is very scary. but rn it's like, man. if i do nothing else of value in this life at least i'm giving people a platform to have fun and create some cool shit together. and that's a very joy-creating feeling

[giantkillerjack]

Yo I don't know if anyone else is seriously bothered by this but those "good luck" posts where everyone goes wow this post really works you HAVE to reblog it or else you won't get the good thing that happens when you reblog it and therefore it's your fault if the good thing doesn't happen because you didn't reblog the post,

Yeah, those posts. They don't ummmmmmmmm

They don't work.

Like, listen, a little prayer of good luck to give yourself hope is one thing, but every single one of these posts has a comment that is like "this is literally magic I received life-altering amounts of money because of this post REBLOG THIS NOW." And assuming these accounts aren't just also the original poster emotionally manipulating people - And brushing over how foolish/cruel it feels to give false hope and additional tasks to those in poverty AND moving on from how absolutely shitty these posts are for people with compulsion-related disorders or difficulty discerning reality--

it feels to me that the more we make up magic that doesn't exist in this world, the harder it is to see how things really are, and the more it obscures from us the magic that actually does exist. Things like magnetism, electricity, human thought and connection, emotion, storytelling, machinery, fire. That's the sort of magic we have in this world. These magics are real and they can be manipulated in miraculous and terrible ways.

And maybe it's just the way my mind works, but if I am able to convince myself that a photo of a four-leaf clover has any amount of cosmic power over my life, then I am no longer looking clearly at my situation and what I need to do to change it. I am no longer able to truly see the magic that IS there.

I feel the same way about astrology honestly. I don't think it's bad to believe in as long as you're not ascribing it to unwilling people, but I personally do feel like if I believed the shapes the Romans saw in the stars made me who I am, then not only would I deny myself autonomy, but also I would miss out on the magic of the stars as huge lonely nuclear light giants indifferent to and ignorant of the lives of humans in terrifying and beautiful ways. I might even dismiss scientific discoveries that didn't fit my view. And I think I've seen enough of the damage that can do for one lifetime. (I am aware that I probably wouldn't have so many problems with astrology if I wasn't a furious ex-Catholic. But again, there's nothing wrong with faith as long as you're not slapping it onto other people.)

But, gods, I hate these fucking good luck posts.

I am not poor due to the stars or the lack of luck-money posts on my dashboard. I am poor because I live in oppressive power structures that I hope to see burn in my lifetime. I need as clear a view of this reality as possible.

If you want to spread positive magic, you have to spread love and information and images/stories of a beautiful shared future that other people are invited to be a part of.

I'm a big believer in Hope. I believe hope is a sacred thing. But I'm not a big fan of false hope.

So in conclusion, if you reblog this post and then tomorrow something very lucky and seemingly unrelated happens, it had nothing to do with this post.

The only Magic will be the magic of unfathomably huge amounts of data transferring all across the world instantaneously to reach you and show you words that came from someone else's heart and mind.

The only Magic will be however it makes you feel to know that if you need luck, at least one other person in this world wants good things to happen to you: I care that you are found. I care that you are loved. I care that you are safe. I care that you live long enough to find or be found by happiness and that you then live for a very long time after that. And I don't need to meet you to know that I'm right.

Know that I will spend the rest of my life working to build spaces where you would be welcome. And maybe you and I will never meet, but I happen to know there's a whole lot of people like me in this world. And I happen to know that as long as you are alive, there is a chance you will grow old in warmth and comfort, surrounded by friends. There is a chance that your old eyes will be crinkled at the sides with laugh lines. And that's magic. That's real magic.

[ninelivesastrology]

tw: racism, misogynoir, internalized misogyny, racial fetishization, abusive friendships, abusive relationships, domestic violence, rape, CSA mention, paraphilias

It's peak misogynoir for non-Black women to think that Black women should take undesirable men. The way I was attacked by other women over not wanting to be with my abuser is actually crazy, as if I shouldn't do better than him because it was an expectation for me to be abused. I stopped protecting him and everyone else took my place. Poor little baby didn't do anything wrong!

And even on a interracial level, it's believed that Black women shouldn't be romantic interests to white and Asian men, even biracial men. The tolerable exception is usually a Latino man. You break out of that mold and everyone is on your neck. I had rumors about me spread that I was into raceplay... That was the craziest projection.

My husband told me that non-Black people believe that Black people hate themselves when they date out. It's not the same for anybody else, though. An Asian woman has children by a white man, checks off her children as white on official documents for years instead of checking Mixed Race and nobody blinks. But Black people hate themselves. Lmao.

And I don't care about non-Black women being in relationships with Black men. Black men have been dating out for decades, who cares, but it's the way racist non-Black women use dating Black men as a trump card against Black women. The non-Black women that are fetishizing Black men have only approached me for friendship to literally be a culture appropriating vampire. They really feel like they should replace a Black woman in order to be in a relationship with a Black man and need a Black woman to leech off of—Slang, style, music, FOOD and sex. And it's all rooted in insecurity. I swear they binge watch Ebony amateur porn because they bring up Black penis unprovoked. It's a red flag to me.

In my opinion, they care about us being in relationships with Black men and get off on some weird "I can take your man if I want to," dynamic like that's your biggest opp if you're with a Black man, that bitch wants your life and is not your friend. 🤣 Heed my warning! She's mirroring you, love, she wants something from you and it comes at a great cost. Even if you're in an interracial relationship, they swear they can take your man... G'head.

And I'm not saying Black men are undesirable, hell no, but racist non-Black women expect us to be with abusers regardless of race because we aren't perceived as victims and they have access to all the "good" men, whatever the fuck that means. We are so hypersexualized that they want us to be with these dudes who have raging paraphilias, want us to have our children around them because that's a necessary evil they're willing to accept. Our children are a worthy sacrifice and they'll gladly look the other way. They always have.

They don't feel good enough even if they don't date Black men and put that on Black women to be the reminder, the mule, the most disrespected. Refuse to engage in the power dynamics and you're public enemy number one. Believe that you can do better and everyone's jumping into formation to humble you. Everyone hates a "bed wench" because you're encroaching on their territory. You can't be desired and deserving of love to them. It's unfathomable.

Don't be gaslighted.