#maybe i dont need to understand it and label it and write it down

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

they dont tell u this but the moment you let yourself just use or not use words and stop caring is when you are truly free

[christinarowie332]

i am his .

matt sturniolo x reader

pt 3 of “i’d be an idiot if i said no to that” and “i win” .

warnings - suggestive ? no droogs (boring ik)

y/n and reader realise maybe it ain’t just tension.

—————-

“matt your not even looking”

i say turning my head to look at him giggling , as i’m sat on his lap sideways at his desk .

“i am looking” he whispers lowly , still not looking away from me .

“oh i know your looking , your just not looking at this!!!” i say tapping the paper infront of us .

it’s been around two or three weeks since i hung out with them all and smoked together for the first time . since then i have barley left their apartment . nick and i have gotten so close , chris too .

turns out me and nick had more in common then i initially thought . we both loved melanie martinez , him ,her new stuff and me her old bangers . we also bonded over more personal things and silly things but it’s fair to say we are now attached at the hip . sleepovers . meeting my girl friends . added to group chats and staying up all night talking absolute nonsense and getting deep out of no where.

chris’s issues with him and his girlfriend were worse then we thought . his ramblings from the other night followed into the morning and ended up with us all realising she maybe isn’t the nicest girl . they broke up. this is one of the things that brought us closer . late night seshes talking and listening to music . walks when everyone else falls asleep . him annoying me for half the day .he’s turned into my little brother and i love tm the kid .

matt .

although there are no labels . i am his . not in a toxic way . i am just trilly enamoured with everything this man does . waking up to him smiling down at me . late night drives ending with not so pg moments . his light touches , speaking more then words . the only other language i would ever want to understand . his smile when he sees me and his brothers getting along well . and it’s the same for me . everytime i see his cold mask and attitude drop , everytime i catch him smiling while his brothers talk , everytime a song plays that he likes , watching his shoulders relax and the corner of his mouth twitch , it seems i can physically feel my heart swelling .

so here we are now , in his bedroom after hanging out all day , trying to get him to learn cursive . a silly thing i realised this man could not grasp for the life of him .

“MATT ITS NOT THAT HARD YOU JUST LINK THE LETTERS TOGETHER!!” i jokingly shout through chuckles . grabbing his hand from my thigh and putting the pen in his hand.

“ugh i dont get it !!! it looks stupid bro” he whines out putting his chin on my shoulder and wrapping his free arm around my torso .

“here” i say wrapping my hand around his and moving the pen for him .

Love.

i write it subconsciously and i feel him take his head off my shoulder . i turn my head at the loss of heat to find him staring at me with relaxed and warm features , his eye brows curled upwards and a smile lazily plastered on his face .

“what?” i say tilting my head slightly and shifting my body towards him .

he doesn’t respond and just placed a hand on the side of my face . moving his thumb up and down my cheek looking between my eyes and my lips before leaning in .

we kiss constantly. not being able to stay away from each other . each kiss saying a different thing . “you look good” , “i like your makeup today” “i missed you” “that was really cute” “i need you” . never has it ever said this . the kiss screamed many things . the loudest being “i think im in love with you”

he pulls away first . we both stay silent as turn on his lap and put both my legs over his , sitting face to face . his hands trail down my back to my ass , pushing me forward so our chests are all most touching . i move his hair from his face , admiring the boy in front of me .

i arch my back slightly as i lean in to kiss him again . hands in his hair and on the back of his neck . his hands are on the underside of my thighs lifting up and down at the movement of our make out . his cold fingers getting warmed by my body every time i move downwards on his lap .

he moved his mouth down to my ear , my neck , my collarbones. anything he can reach from this angle . leaving bruises and pink marks in his wake . making my head throw back at the sensation and stealing soft noises from me .

my hand trails underneath his shirt. fingers running down his chest , rising and falling with his deep breaths . he takes his top off with my help before lifting me and not breaking the kiss as he carries me to his bed . holding me up with both arms under my thighs before dropping me down on his bed and kissing down my chest. before making his way back up to my lips and placing a slow peck on them .

“ i want you all the time . i want to be yours and only yours y/n please” he whispers ,leaning on top of me , holding himself up by outstretched arms

“you have me matt .”

he has me.

_______________

i hate this sm . i’ll give em a spliff ext time i swear guys i just need a spliff myself first !!!

taglst 🤍

@mangosrar @sturnphilia @urmyslxt @biimpanicking @soursturniolo @sssturniolofart @deatthmatch @martyniukpl @parkerssecrets @lividnity @littlebookworm803 @daddyslilchickenfingers

love u all :) -millz / milkie 🤍

[thatdeadaquarius]

m thinkin abt the “blunt vs flowery” language thing and…… in the year of our lord 2023, i don't even want to imagine how far back we'd have to go in genshins timeline until we see ‘hey shawty' written on a cave wall-

you try to be better about it, sometimes, using only the fanciest words and the most floral of tones, but all you ever succeed in doing is giving zhongli flashbacks to the archon war-

in the same vein: modern humor. would literally make them think "is this some sort of divine joke im too mortal to understand?" except even the archons need to cite sources on why a piece of bread falling over would be funny- maybe you slip sometimes, but you only ever get halfway through like “i’m neurodivergent and a minor” before you realize they don’t know what that means— “what if i had blue hair and pronouns” but they’re just sitting there like… doesn’t everybody have pronouns….? and kaeya has blue hair- are you implying he’s divine? what about chongyun?? xingqiu??????

anyway um. this is me bringing up my unfortunate (but very funny) habit of saying “i’ll boil you like soup” whenever i’m mildly inconvenienced and hoping it triggers Thoughts about the casual/slang threats we make and how they cope

sorry if this reads incoherently it’s 1am for me rn— also i’m debating becoming a regular anon here, are your applications open? 👉👈

SORRY IF I RAN U OFF BY NOT REPLYING QUICKLY!! BUT I’D LOVE TO HAVE LABELLED ANONS! I’ve already added some taken name I could see in my mailbox so check the pinned post and choose whatever isn’t taken! phrase or emoji, etc.! :)

this isnt super long bc ur stuff seemed chill on its own/idk what I could add! So I just focused on one aspect

gif is literally everyone reacting to you trying to speak “flowery” like them lol

ALSO u guys probably dont remember bc I took so long but I’m still writing/going to post that Blunt Lang. AU Fanfic One-Shot! so here’s some quick headcanons ill add on ive got anon!!

No TWs/Content Warnings. SFW.

so this was gonna be chill but-

BESDIES RANDOM SHIT LIKE MEME REFERENCES

THAT WONT MAKE SENSE TO THEM BC INHERENT INTERNET/DIGITAL UNDERSTANDING NEEDED

WHAT IF ALL UR JOKES OR REFERENCES ARE QUITE LITERALLY, ANCIENT??

like anon said about even the archons having to pull out sources/cite your stuff to understand it, like finding really old tablets/scrolls/carved wall words 😭

u giving Zhongli a history lesson/brush up LMAO

If ur annoyed at them u just need to make more jokes, leave em scrambling for their pocket notes LOL

I like to think since you sound the OLDEST

that the ancient shit like Phanes/Four Shades/Seven Sovereigns are the closest in speech

(look theyre all alive and shit for my genshin, goddamit i still gotta tell u guys abt my genshin fill-in lore au)

and they’re closer to the “beginning of history” in teyvat so theyd get more references

theyd literally understand u the best and they like, all in the Abyss or like deep in Teyvat,

so u just casually strolling up to Azdaha’s place instead like

“How’s your day been Azhy?”

“Same as the days many before, my lord. How are thee?”

“Good enough, hey, why don’t I bring some food from my old world by that I’ve made for you to try out? Something new, y’know?”

camera pan left to see Zhongli looking up, then back down as he scribbles notes trying to better understand, Xiao has crossed his arms and is squinting, Ganyu is behind Zhongli and is trying to peek over his shoulder, Cloud Retainer and other adepti have like hidden nearby to overhear lol

♤

FLASHBACKS FOR ZHONGLI-

HE’S OVER HERE LIKE

“Please do not disturb your countenance my Wànsuìyé, the vernacular is pleasant to mine ears and sufficient for speech.”

“I shall, uh, try my best Zhongli, thought I know ye have- wait- thy have? Whatever, accepted it, I shall keep attempting to better match thee!”

HIS FACE-

He’s literally just → 😰😣💀

(flashback to at least 1 really ancient/old god he had to fight for his life against, they were the hardest battle he’s ever faced, and Azhdaha was helping him by that point too, so it wasn’t even like he won alone… rip zhongli got ptsd)

He keeps trying to subtly stop you from practicing it, he also desperately discourages others from helping you 😭

(Zhongli was about to be called Rex Lapis again when Venti was trying to get on his last nerve by constantly encouraging you to speak fancier, but in the incorrect way, at dinner with them one time)

Like that last content with them pretending not to kow each other but 5x the tension and Venti is fooling around even more so than usual lol

THANKS FOR SENDING IN YOUR IDEAS!! I FUCKING LOVE HEARING OTHER PPLS BRAINROTS OVER STUFF!! AND SORRY AGAIN IT TOOK FOREVER!! ITS BEEN A ROUGH YEAR OF UNI FOR ME/IM GRADUATING!! <333 TYSM ANON!!

Safe Travels,

💀 ♒

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonderss / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylazaa / @genshin-impacts-mee / @wholesomey-artistt / @thedevioussmirk

[bloggingboutburgers]

hi! so, uh, I wasn't really sure where to send this, but you seem nice and (hopefully) have some advice. I'm aroace, specifically sapphic-oriented cupioromantic ace, and I think I have a squish on this one girl. or maybe mesh? idk. all I know is that I really like her and want to be close to her, I think the word for me is alterous attraction? or maybe platonic or aesthetic, because I think she looks really cool too. honestly, I'm not really sure what the heck I feel :') could be a crush, squish, mesh, or just wanting to be friends. uhh anyways, I'm not really sure what to do about it. idk, I guess I want to become closer to her?

anyways, sorry for bothering you. basically I was wondering if you have any thoughts on what im feeling, what I should do, and also maybe how you and your qpp got into a qpr with each other? if u dont mind.

oh! and congrats on you engagement, your 'no one can know I dont like sex' comics make me smile and also have helped me figure out myself! thanks.

Hey!! I'm so sorry I'm replying to this ask so late T^T Kinda buried myself in other projects of let myself get distracted for this blog for a lil while... Either way I hope I'm not too late TwT And don't worry, you're not bothering at all!! (Also thank you so much for the kind words, they mean a lot TwT)

I guess... Whatever you do about it is up to you honestly, as vapid as that probably sounds of me! Heck, maybe you've already taken some steps since writing to me too, late as I am...

I also don't wanna put a label on how you feel, because it's a very personal thing, but I'll say – honestly you don't even necessarily NEED to put a label on it, not yet or not ever (whatever works for you), if you're not sure how to call it. The most important thing is if you're vibing with what you are, besides that you don't owe anyone any explanation. Though I guess it's also understandable to want to know what to call it if you're gonna bring it up to her... But also (maybe I'm naive, but yeah) I think there's nothing wrong with just sincerely saying you don't know how to call things yet either, even to her. I feel it'd be fair to both of you still, personally.

As far as me and my QPP, I didn't do anything – they were the one who realized they had a squish on me and took all the steps originally to get it going 🙈 Which they told me was definitely nerve-wracking! But yeah, their handle is @civiart if you want to reach out to them too for more advice, or they can also answer further questions here on my behalf, they told me whichever is fine with them^^

But also in case it helps, I've actually drawn how it went down for us here in the past, and I tried to elaborate a bit on my own experience of a QPR here and here!

And sorry again for being late TwT I wish you the best though!

[vroerry]

Hi. So, to start, i dont know the difference between oneshot and short fanfic, im not used to those words yet, im sorry ;n; so make it whichever one of those two you feel like and would have fun with! Id like a nice little story to read, not just headcanons alone if possible.

Ive been thinking about this idea that takes place after Kazuichi Soda gets yelled at by Sonia in the Dangan 2 game, and they all storm off in their own directions. But then, reader tries to go comfort Kaz and one thing leads to another~

I suppose a touch of angst would be appropriate for such a story, but i dont want it to be just that, or too focused on that. Thats the lead up to the NSFW, which is the focus.

Reader goes and finds Kaz in the night after everyone went seperate ways, comforts him, they talk, hes probably a bit snippy, but then calms down. These 2 were buddies, not dating, but then all the ~stuff~ happens, and, you get the rest. Sexy stuff ought to cheer the man up lol. You fill out the "how" of this scenario. Howd they end up in bed? Have fun with it.

Im sure reader would feel bad for Kaz, not wanting him to be in distress. Maybe reader has been secretly pining for Kaz, but that doesnt HAVE to be a detail, im kinda making this all up quickly, throwing in lots of details, and you decide what sticks~ The others on the island didnt see each other for the rest of that night, so they could definitely get alone time no problem. Maybe after he calms down a bit, reader comes up behind him and hugs him, sweet and somber.

Idk about location, because the others would be in their cottages, but the motel should be free at this point, so maybe there so they can be loud and not care.

Can i PLEASE have reader taking kaz's hat the morning after because her hair is so messed up, like "gimmi that shit, your hair looks fine as hell, im the mess today i need hat." Maybe something in the end about them trying to act natural the next day around the others, you know? Perhaps some hickeys gave it away or somethin, whatever you think up and wanna write is cool.

Gender neutral or female reader is cool if ya dont mind. And idk what genre to label it as like you asked in your rules. Slight angst with mostly NSFW? Idk how to genre, i apologize ;-;

Thank you for reading, i look forward to your future works, whatever youre inspired to do is cool. Take it easy<3 ~Tiara👑

I'm so freaking sorry for the wait😭 My life took a heavy turn, but I'm fine now!

When I tell you I took my sweet time to play around with this scenario~

Also, difference between short fanfic and oneshots: It might be made up by me??? For me a short fanfic is multiple parts, 10 at tops, each part being around 1600 words at least?? So the entire fic is maximum around 16k words.

But now, to the fanifc:

A comforting touch

Kazuichi Souda x fem reader, NSFW

words: 1380

Another day on the islands, another day to end in chaos. Just the usual Jabberwock Island drama in the middle of a damned killing game.

Everything was fine, everything was going well, until Kazuichi decided to express his love for Sonia again. And this time, it did not end well. And you were the one that was in charge of finding Kazuichi. Again.

"Just make sure he doesn't do anything stupid" Hajime asked you and sent you off on your way.

"I will!" you replied and took went on a journey to find your buddy. Ever since you've ended up in this situation, he made you weirdly comforted. His goofiness, his fun aesthetic, everything. Except for when he was driving Sonia, and after that everyone else, insane. Even you struggled to understand his obsession with her, but brushed it off. It's his business not yours. It's his business not yours...

When you started looking for him, the sun was still up, but soon the moon took his place on the sky with the stars and you were completely clueless about his whereabouts.

"Let's see..." you thought to yourself. "What did I miss...?" The locations quickly ran through your head. Library, check. Theater, check. Cottages, check. First island entirely? Check.

"The motel!" you said out loud. "Well, I doubt he'd be there but... it's worth a shot" you wondered and decided to give it a go. You made your way to the third island and immediately headed for the motel. The abandoned looking building looked the same as ever, and the smell of musk was just as strong as before. You slowly opened the door and called out to the seemingly empty building.

"Kaz? Are you here...?" you walked inside and started looking around. "I just want to make sure you're okay, bud... I've been looking for you for hours..."

No response.

You continued to walk around the dusty place, stopping every now and then in front of doors.

"Kazu? Please be here, I have no other idea where to look for you... We can do whatever you want... Just be okay..."

Still nothing.

You sighed.

"Fuck, maybe I was wrong..." with a heavy heart you started to get to the exit. "I hope he's alright..." as you started walking away, a door behind you opened. You quickly turned back to see Kazuichi standing in the doorway.

His hair was the usual mess, he cried his eyeliner off.

"I'm sorry" he mumbled. "Were you that worried?"

"It's okay! Oh god, I finally found you..." you said and went back to him. "Thank god you're okay... Would a hug be okay?"

"Yeah..." he replied and you wrapped your arms around him and so did he.

"It's going to be okay... I promise, Kaz... You'll apologise to her tomorrow and everything will be fine..."

"I will..." Kazuichi said. "I... i went overboard... I didn't want to upset her..." he slowly let go of you.

"I suppose... You don't want to go back there, right?" He shook his head in response.

"I don't want to be near anyone right now... Well, aside from you, I guess... But if you don't want to stay, you can go back..."

"No, it's fine" you brushed the offer off. "I'll stay here with you... I promised the others and myself that I'd keep an eye on you..."

"Alright then.. I guess... we can stay here..."

"Do you... uh... want to talk about everything that happened..?" you ask. He stays silent for a bit.

"Let's sit down..." he said and went back to the room he was hiding in. You followed him.

He sat on the bed and gently tapped the space next to him.

"C'mere... Let's have a... chat..." he smiled at you gently and rested his back against the wall. You sat next to him with a curious look as he speaks up.

"So... I know I fucked up... Miss Sonia didn't deserve that" he mumbles, looking down with a guilty expression. "But at the same time.. I... don't really know how else to show her how I feel... My parents never really... taught me how to handle emotions... But it doesn't matter now... She's got real close with that demon lord or whatever he calls himself"

"Kaz..." you sigh. "I know, rejection sucks but... I'm sure you're going to find someone that knows how to take care of you, someone who loves you for you..." you smile at him and pat his shoulder. "Even if that person isn't Sonia... There must be someone out there.."

"Where?" Kazuichi frowns. "I won't ever find my match and you know it... I'm like that one sock at the bottom of the drawer, always lonely and"

You suddenly press your lips on his, making him shut up in the middle of his dialogue.

"That someone is right here, Kaz..." you whisper to his lips. "I may or may not destroy our friendship but I don't care... I am that person..."

"Man... what since when why..." he starts asking every question that comes into his mind. Nonetheless, you quickly. make sure he stays silent.

"Just shut up and enjoy the moment" you kiss his soft lips once again, wrapping your arms around him. Pulling him close, not letting him escape your touch.

Kazuichi's eyes slowly flutter close, as he kisses you back, letting himself go under your touch.

Your hands start to wander around his chest. Slowly caressing each spot through his overall then zipping it down to reach under it...

"Are you surre this is a good idea?" he breathed out.

"Do you feel better?"

"Yes" he whispered.

"Then yes..." you kissed his lips again. "It is a good idea.." You smiled and slowly tugged his overal off his chest.

You now began placing passionate kisses all over him. Starting right under his ears, steadily working your way down his neck, stopping at the collarbone and then repeating the said path in reverse. Now going up, every now and then gently sucking on his skin, leaving hickeys. He let out soft sighs of pleasure, his eyes fluttering after each kiss.

"Let me take care of you too" he tried to switch things up but you stopoped him with a firm expression.

"I am the one comforting you" you took your shirt off, making him blush and his eyes lit up in excitement.

"Actually...Keep going" he said with sparkling eyes, as you went down on him with a sly smile. You kissed him like there was no tomorrow, making sure all of your love went through. All the love, admiration, and comfort. Everything that was boiling inside you whenever you thought about Kazuichi But despite your order, his hands began wandering too. Pushing your clothes down, guiding you into his lap.

"Ride me" he pleaded.

"Any time" you replied and began grinding your hips. Back and forth in his lap. Kazu groaned, feeling the pressure of yourbody. His patience on edge, his mind wishing for the clothes to disappear. Both of you bit down on your lips to keep the silence. , Trembling, shaky breaths leaving his mouth he spoke up again.

"We can be as loud as we want... Just please ride me already" he pleaded again, whining under you. He was so on edge, so impatient. So ready for everything to come crashing down.

"I’ll get right to the point, I promise...” you continued to rock yourself back and forth, putting more and more pressure on his body. Even you started to tremble and placed your hands on his chest for support. Gently grabbing onto his small pecks, feeling muscle tensening at your touch. 

"Don't just promise me. Do it"

The next morning the two of you were walking back to the first island. Hand in hand, smiling as the sun was coming up.

"So.... We're together?"Kazuichi asked.

"I am not sure" you replied. "All I know is that..."

The two of you entered the first island. You quickly grabbed his hat and placed it on your head.

"That I need your stupid hat... My hair is a mess..."

"Mine too!" he tried to get his hat back.

"Yours is alway a mess, Kazu. Mine not" you giggled. He rolled his eyes.

"Love you dork,.. And your comforting touch..."

[the-s1lly-corner]

Which of the creepypastas would be okay with an asexual s/o?

Creepypastas w/ an ace!reader!

yahoo!! sorry for taking so long to get to this!! i kinda had a small lil slump for a few days but im back!! sorry for any typos or if these seem... bllluguuguh!!! im still trying to get through that lil slump so my brains still a lil... boo!!! obligatory these are with characters that i think would be compatible with an ace reader so this isnt going to follow my base/go to list of characters! a lot of these are going to dip into admins experience as someone on the ace spectrum (asexual/aegosexual!) reader is written as vague ace identity but like. mostly involved to be ace. admittedly this leans more into most of this being ace hcs since i think for the most part they dont care/dont find issue with your identity

Characters: Slenderman, Trenderman, Eyeless Jack, Masky

CWs: mentions of sex but like. nothing too bad mostly just vague sex drives and that sort of thing, really!

Slenderman;

honestly i think he might be on the ace spectrum, or maybe thats because i dont think he really knows what sex /is/

okay well he does know what it is but he only understands it on a surface level, but otherwise he doesnt really care much for it in an everyday setting

yeah i think hes on the spectrum; i also think he might be on the aro spectrum!

only really initiates intimacy if you want it (reminder that not all aces dont have sex! attraction stuff is the main thing) but otherwise i would write him the same way as i do with a non-asexual reader!

extra headannon since his is kinda short but really hes probably the most supportive out of any creepypasta simply because i like to write him as this entity that doesnt interact much with others but is still. curious. this man does not know what lgbtphobia is (and thinks its dumb when he does find out!)

Trenderman;

very similar with slenderman but more in tuned with identity stuff and things like that

personally i hc him to be greysexual, or demisexual! i think trender is like. the only one out of the 3 brothers (that i claim) that i dont see being ready to get down and dirty? like unlike slender he KNOWS what it is and understands attraction and all that but just doesnt. feel it

so he gets it! he interacts with people more than slender but like. not openly, i mean like not as himsef?! this is kind of a side tangent but i like to think that slender beings can create false human bodies and trender is the main one who uses it

anyways! im kind of getting off topic

he understands the stigma and hate ace people can get so out of the four characters today i think he would be the most likely to offer an ear when youre getting flack

i wish i had more for trender as well but this is genuinely the first time ive written for him so im still all OWOWOOOUGH!! with how i wanna portray him

speaking of i need to do like a catch up post for him, and some other characters so i might do that soon^^

Eyeless Jack;

okay so! the two above characters are fine with it because theyre on the spectrum above but i feel like eyeless jack just outright doesnt care if your ace or not since he has a fairly low sex drive 99% of the time

sappy man, one of those "i prefer people based on their personality rather than their looks" but not in the "im so deep for this and im lying through my teeth" way i (personally) see people say (school was ROUGH man) but in a "im literally turning into a monster my skin is fucking blue and starting to rot i have no place to say anything" way

anyways

he adores you so so much and he really feels like he doesnt deserve you, bro could not care

probably tries to find flowers around his cabin that make up the ace flag/which ever flag you use

though im not sure how many grey flowers there are... hes trying his best!

Masky;

similar to eyeless jack he has a low sex drive imo so it isnt too much of a big deal to him, plus i think hes graysexual? at least i feel like he would if he knew about the label

i think asides slender and trender, he doesnt know much about this sort of thing so youre probably going to explain it to him

he mostly gets it! he gets things mixed up but hes trying his best!

overall supportive bf!! probably steals a pride pin from somewhere (dont ask)

imagine he grabs the wrong pin/j

wweoeoeohh! i hope this post is okay! admittedly i wasnt sure how this was going to turn out since, as stated above, i feel that a lot of the characters wouldnt mind/are on the spectrum themselves im not gonna lie this couldve been better but im so out of it rn that my brain is all scattered n stuff :( regardless i hope this is sufficient, and once again im so sorry for the wait TToTT

[athielive]

hiiiii!!! i absolutely loved your snowed in mischa x reader, the concept overall is really cute and you’re a really good writer :)) i was wondering if you could please write a similar fic except with noel x male reader? if not that’s okay but there is not enough x reader content for him lmao

YES ID LOVE TO. i started writing it earlier and i got half way through but i cant recover it im so upset im about to restart.

I dont know if it’s that good but I hope you like it <3

also thank you for requesting one :)))

————————

French had always been your least favourite subject. No matter what you couldn’t understand any of it.

Luckily you had Noel, the top of the class.

You met in the choir and had known each other for years. He was your best friend and the only person you were truly comfortable with.

After knowing him for a few months you ended up developing feelings for him and questioned your sexuality for a while before coming out to him as gay. He was the only person who knew.

Noel had always been fairly open about being gay, because of this he faced years of bullying. More recently it had died down because everyone had grown up, but seeing it all happen and comforting Noel through the state he was in brought along a fear that it could happen to you as well.

Turning the corner, you saw his house in the distance. Layers upon layers of snow covered the ground as more flakes fell every second. There was a snowstorm warning but you would most likely be back home at that point.

You walked up his driveway and knocked on the door three times.

The door swung open to reveal Noel still in his pyjamas but with his hair styled how he always has it.

“Bonjour, Bienvenue en France.” He exclaimed. You hesitated for a second trying to process what that meant.

“What?”

“That’s basic French Y/N… you’re so lucky you have me.” He smiled.

Truly he didn’t know how lucky you really felt.

“Come in then theres snow all over you, Mom won’t let you in if you’re soggy.” He grabbed your arm pulling you inside and up to his room.

Noel went straight over to his desk chair getting a folder labelled ‘French Lessons for Y/N’

You slouched down on his bed looking over at him. “How long did it take you to make that?” You asked.

“Oh uh… not long. Maybe a few hours… every night for a week.” He began rambling.

You felt yourself becoming flustered, “It means a lot that you would do all that for me Noel.”

“I’d do anything for you, you know that.” He smiled.

You walked over to him and sat down in the chair next to him. He began to flicker through the pages to find what he wanted to teach you today.

It was colour coded with beautiful layouts and calligraphy titles. This must’ve taken him ages. All the examples he had in it of sentences were things that had happened with the two of you, things like: ‘Nous avons regardé des films ensemble toute la nuit.’ ~ ‘We watched films together all night.’ and ‘Y/N est très beau.’ ~ ‘Y/N is very handsome.’

All that was going through your head was ‘This has to mean something; Does this mean something; What if he actually likes me back’ You had to do something.

“I can’t do this Noel.” You started.

“I know it’s hard but don’t worry I have faith in you and I’ll-”

“No it’s not about the French I need to tell you something.” You inhaled deeply, there was no turning back now. “Listen you have to promise me that what I’m about to say won’t ruin our friendship.”

He laughed, “Of course not you’re the best friend I have.”

“Okay uhm, you know how much you mean to me, right?” He nodded, “Well even when I first met you I was intrigued by you, I guess you always felt more special to me then any other friend had. I always assumed it was just that we were platonic soulmates or something but um..”

“What are you trying to say?” Noel asked, shuffling his chair closer to yours.

“I love you Noel and not just as a friend.”

His shoulders dropped as if a wave of relief had washed over him. His cheeks began to flash a bright red and a smile crept its way onto his face.

“I love you too.” He grinned, “In more than a friend way but I figured you already got that.”

You both laughed and hugged each other tightly. This is it, all you wanted. It’s moments like this that make people want to freeze time and stay like it forever.

“What does this mean for us?” Noel asked, still not pulling away.

“I don’t know.” You said. “I’m not ready to come out to everyone yet, but I’d love- only if you want, to be your boyfriend?” You smiled hopefully.

“Of course I want you to be my boyfriend you idiot, why else would i make a folder of French for you?” He laughed.

“Oh my god I actually have a boyfriend. We can like watch movies together and have sleepovers and then go with each other to choir practice after those sleepovers then spend more time together!” He continued.

You chuckled, “Don’t we already do that?”

“Well yeah but it’s different now because you’re my boyfriend. We need to watch a movie together now as a celebration.” He got up and began to walk over to grab a DVD off of his shelf.

“As long as it isn’t one of those French ones.”

“You know it will be.”

You both cuddled together watching the movie, Noel recited his favourite lines and you had never felt happier.

When the movie ended he had already taken your hoodie and requested a different one that you had at home.

“Noel, I still stand by what I said about not being comfortable coming out to everyone. But if you’re okay with it I want to tell my family and the choir about us.” You asked turning to him.

He agreed and you began discussing ways to tell them. Suddenly there was a knock on the door and Noels Mom came in.

“Y/N the snowstorm has started and your Mom called asking if you could to stay here for a few days until it all clears up. She said to give her a call when you can.” She smiled then left the room.

“It’s like a honeymoon for us.” Noel exclaimed.

You laughed lightly, “No I’ll take you to Paris for our real honeymoon, thats a promise.”

He tackled you into a hug, life was perfect.

[garden-of-athena]

coming back to the voltron renaissance in 2023 made me think about the old fandom and the new fandom, and how they never changed.

mostly the hate for sheith and the fanon interpretations of the paladins. i was a sheith shipper and i still love them so much. but back then and even now, people will label those who like sheith, no matter who they are, "p*dos", "incest shippers", or simply "proshippers". this issue has been talked about in the past, but i still see it in the voltron fandoms renaissance, so i just wanted to put my two cents about this issue.

since the hate was born from the fanon interpretations i will start there (please keep in mind that these are my opinions and im writing about the things ive seen personally, back then and even now):

i will start with lance actually. lance in canon is the flirty, happy, jokester, or as pidge said "the goofball". he flirts with women sometimes, makes jokes, but overall he is a capable paladin, and he is great at longe range weapons. he has his own set of insecurities and has expressed homesickness in the show when they were still in space. his insecurities came from thinking what he brings to the team isnt enough. this isnt a rant about the show itself (mostly) so i wont be talking about his missed potential here, many lance lovers already did that. now in his fanon version ive seen, especially back then, his insecurities and homesickness was turned up to a 100. he had depression, and hid it behind a happy facade. this isnt my problem with the fanon character. i completely understand projecting onto a character ypu relate to, i do it all the time. my issue, in a lot of fandoms not just voltron, is that sometimes people bash other characters or make them unnecessarily mean just to angst another character. i personally hate character bashing with a passion. it honestly makes me a little mad sometimes, because the character is the exact opposite of what the fandom portrays them as. im not trying to generalize the entire fandom, but i see this a lot in almost every fandom. its usually only a single character that gets bashed too. when i look at something for the character from a show/book/etc i want the actual character, preferably with hcs i find cool, not oc content made out of them. i like oc content separately thats another thing, but making characters into what theyre not defeats the purpose of liking them in the first place. thats what i almost always saw with "langst". unnecessary character bashing, mostly keith, almost always keith. was the team mean to him sometimes? yes! but lance wasnt the defenseless victim in any way, he retaliated. thats the whole point of his own "rivalry" with keith. to push each others buttons. i love when people make hcs for characters even if i dont like them, but not when it erases another character entire personality or watering it down. that was my issue with fanon lance. he wasnt hated by the team. do i have hcs that dont align with canon at all? yes yes i do!!! thats okay!! but i try to keep their personalities the same.

next up shiro, my sweet winter child. shiro is the "hero", always willing to do whats good for the majority. hes the leader, the champion of the empire, hes calm when he needs to be, but hes also playful sometimes, and adventurous, and (from the pre-kerb flashbacks) even a little bit of an adrenaline junkie probably. most importantly, hes young. not a teen young, but a young-adult. his trauma made him seem more "mature" and "responsible", and yes while he is responsible, he is nowhere near parental kinda responsibility. his fanon interpretation make him a father figure to all, tired™️, wants to die, single father to 4 children, etc etc. personally, i dont see it. hes at most an older brother figure to the garrison trio. also he is keiths best friend. not parental figure but best friend. he is maybe the dad friend of the group and thats a maybe. because of the “father figure” hc, a lot of people hated on sheith bc “ew dude thats his dad/brother”. this kinda thing is not exclusive to the vld fandom either, because genshin has this issue too. i wont be talking about it in depth but another ship i like, zhongxiao, is hated because of the very popular “father/son” hc that is not canon. fandoms need to learn that just because a hc is really popular doesnt mean it is actually canon. the fanon shiro has the feel of a middle aged dad, when in reality hes barely in his mid twenties. he makes stupid laser sounds, jumps off of cliffs in a hover bike, and goes on rides past curfew with keith. he was the youngest pilot to ever go to the edge of the solar system, it was literally said in the show. he was most likely 21-23 pre-kerb and 25 in s1. people forget that yes shiro aged a bit in space but so did the others. also he was dead for like 3 season so i dont think he aged that much then. he died when he was 25-26, i really dont think people age when they die but thats just me idk. if you age shiro up while keeping the other paladins in the 16-18 range thats weird, and if you attack people because of that thats weirder. his responsible nature probably was caused by his trauma when he was the champion. he had to mature to survive.

now, onto my specialest boy, my babygirl, my universe, keith. i will admit that i have a bias when it comes to him, but its probably not what youre thinking. first things first, ill say this again in another post too, i hc keith as strictly mlm, meaning i dont like any pairings with him that involve a female character, especially acxa (bc shes my gf). this does NOT mean that i will harass people who like it. it just means i will block you if you reblog or like posts with it, because thats what youre supposed to do if you see something you dont like. this was just a heads up just in case. back to the actual rant. keiths canon character is that he has trouble trusting people, but hes still kind, thoughtful, and sometimes playful too. like in s1 where he was having fun with the team. he has a edgy exterior, likely because he wants to drive people away before they can reject him. he has trouble understanding social cues and such, he is fiercely loyal and protective of his loved one(s). his fanon interpretation watered him down to "edgy teen", or sometimes an asshole. he was seen as emo and angsty, friends are for the weak, and "shiros emo son/brother". they took away the times he has shown vulnerability and kindness. when he put others no matter what above him during survival. he is not someone that would be mean for absolutely no reason, his rivalry with lance was mostly one-sided because lance initiated and he retaliated. his inability to understand social cues was most likely due to a) growing up in the foster system b) people not making an effort to know him, like shiro did, and shrugging him off as the emo loner kid and c) his year alone in the desert after his expulsion. some people made him up to be an asshole, or just plain stupid (lance sometimes got the "dumb one" treatment from the show but ive never seen it in the fandom, feel free to correct me). he was seen as edgy and emo for acting the way he did in s3 after shiro disappeared and before they found him. the treatment keith got, from both the show and the fandom, was so so bad. especially when it came to his trauma, grief, and his self-sacrificing tendencies. after shiro disappeared post-s2 keith lashed out, he was tense, from losing shiro AGAIN. there are, as we all know, 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. he had just gotten shiro back after everyone told him he was dead and then he lost him yet again, this time with no logical explanation as to why or how. he just disappeared, seemingly into thin air. there was no logical explanation, he couldnt linger in denial like before, because there was nothing to deny. shiro was gone. the others didnt understand, because they werent as close to shiro as keith was. he was their leader, their role model, their friend, sure but he was keiths best friend. the one person that didnt give up on keith even when everyone else did. their attempt at comfort fell flat, because they didnt understand what keith was going through, except for maybe pidge. keith didnt "get over it" at all, and it showed. it showed in his leadership, when he kept going after lotor, even if they kept getting their asses handed to them. i could make a separate long rant about hoe keith mental well being was always shrugged off, his sacrifices. another instance, was naxela, or however you spell it idk. keith almost sacrificed himself, almost died, to save everyone else. he was so so close to doing it that if lotor was even a second late he wouldve died. and no one acknowledged that, not even an "are you okay" from matt, who begged him not to do it. hell, shiro(kuron) even congratulated him for taking the shield down and saving them. imagine how fucked up it wouldve been if keith succeeded. keith self-sacrifices are never brought up, never acknowledged. the cartoon excuse wont work because the show did cover heavy topics at times. keiths inability to see himself as invaluable and important was further encouraged by the "mission before the individual" mindset. im about to lose my point and start ranting about keith.

now, sheith;

no sheith isnt incest. they arent and never was actual brothers (adopted or otherwise). the "youre my brother" line is what people always refer to in an arguement, but that isnt evidence. bc in s2 keith said "youre like a brother to me". "oh they have a brotherly relationship you cant ship them-" yes i can. yes i absolutely can. that arguement is literally just "smh cant two people be friends". because they are best friends first. and it was always keith saying those things, never shiro so i can make the arguement that if they had a brotherly relationship it was one sided. in the black paladins episode (still my favorite along the the bom) the clone didnt have a reaction to the "youre my brother" line, he specifically had a reaction to "i love you". there was a pause between those two lines, so i can make the argument that keith thought shiro only saw him as a brother, but when that didnt work, he confessed. but even without my own argument, they still are never brothers, otherwise they wouldnt have put a direct paralel between shiros ex-boyfriend and keith.

no sheith isnt a p*edo ship. keith in s1 was 18, and that wasnt even confirmed after a while. shiro was 25. in s6 keith was 21 and shiro, being dead, was most likely still 25. most people, like me, who shipped sheith started shipping them in s1, because it was clear they had a positive history. keiths first word was "shiro?" in the softest most vulnerable voice ever. shiro always showed concern for keith, the way the looked at each other was enough for people to like them as a ship. their wiki has an incredible amount of moments between them that can be interpreted as romantic. the ages were never an issue, if they were they wouldnt have said that they could be interpreted as romantic. even with the pre-kerb argument, because the ages arent confirmed, it never was.

this point is for shunk, shance, etc too. but bc sheith was and still is public enemy no1, i talk about them. sheith was popular, and at the time any ship with keith and lance that wasnt klance was hated by them, but sheith especially so. the fandom calmed down for a bit and now its back, i think, from what i saw. but the sheith argument is still going on. i got back into vld because of a keith edit i saw on tiktok, i wont lie. but the not so surprising thing was that sheith is still public enemy no1. you cant go one second without someone hating sheith and making fun of the shippers. its a "proship" apparently. hell my favorite keith editor literally has "shaladins dni". the hate for sheith specifically is still so strong. and its exhausting, i dont like people calling me a proshipper simply for liking a fictional ship that is in no way a proship.

i sat down for like probably an hour writing this just to get my thoughts out. i have been thinking about this for so long, even if this doesnt make sense or its stupid i really dont care. maybe tomorrow ill hate it, maybe ill delete it even who knows. im really glad that there are places where sheith is no longer shot on sight.

[i-literally-cant-with-this]

why do the people who age up fictional characters get hate but the writers who are legal and share smut with real life minors dont get any hate at all

Hi Anon, this is going to go on for a while. Sorry, sorta.

I'm going to answer this as best I can and I hope you find some closure or at the very least, some part of something you were looking for.

The long and short of it is, I don't know.

I think maybe because the stuff on the internet is so much more easily accessible is one of the main reasons (we) fanfic writers are such direct targets. Sure, I know books are everywhere, too. Though, don't stores card for stuff like that? I haven't purchased a paper copy of anything for so long that I don't know what the protocol is. And I look well over 18+ so maybe they just don't bother carding people who look it.

There are plenty of books out there that are not appropriate for anyone under the age of 18. Possibly - depending on one's beliefs - for people over the age of 18.

That's not for me to decide, though.

What I DO MAKE SURE TO DO is label each piece of writing I do that is not for a younger audience and put in my bio that what I write is not for the consumption of anyone under 18. I believe my exact words were "This shit show is 18+. You've been warned." Something like that.

"18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT 18+"

I put a second 18+ in case the first one was missed.

I think it's just a matter of access. The internet is, for all intents and purposes, free, once you have an opening to it you can get damn near anything you really want to see on it without parental consent. Unless you have parents who have put a block on this dumpster fire. In which case, you should make a mental note to thank them when you're grown and see just what the Christ is going on out here sometimes, lol. If you're in a bookstore and you want to buy a copy of Playboy, you're going to be shut down from your attempt if you're ... oh, say 15? 16? Either that or heavily carded/ID'd. And if you don't provide verifiable proof of your age, they should turn you away.

I'm not saying that because this stuff is so easy to get to that it's ok by any means for any minor to read. I wish that everyone who isn't of legal age (here or wherever they reside) would heed the warnings. They're there for a reason.

Now, I'm going to touch on aging up characters. I'm guilty of not always putting that I aged up whoever I was writing about if they needed to be. But THEY'RE FAKE. They're lines. They're art. They're paper, basically. Ink and paper. So I don't understand how someone can go from blasting an actual pedo to getting on here and saying that fanfic writers are just as bad. It pisses me off, if I'm being honest. The comparison is quite a stretch, I think. Because while I am not that faithful about documenting that I aged up characters, in my head, they're no younger than 21-40. And that's probably why I don't say I am aging them up because I just don't see them as minors. I've noticed that male characters in anime often look considerably older than they are. Maybe that's because they're the hero of the day or whatever. And I don't write about female characters. Not because I hate them, but I really just don't have any interest in doing that.

The vast majority of us all make it a point to say that the character(s) we write about are of legal age to partake in such ... activities. I don't know. I went through a phase where I felt like absolute shit about myself because of some of the stuff I read about people (on HERE - other writers) comparing someone who abuses an actual minor to a writer that talks about getting down and dirty with a 17 yr old superhero (again, they don't exist). But when I came to the conclusion (very shortly after reading those opinions) that I would never never never ever ever ever do anything so fucking disgusting, I got over it.

There are miles between reality and fiction. If someone else can't separate the two, maybe they're the ones who need the help?

The whole premise of that world, the anime world, is the impossible. Is it not? And I'm not saying in any capacity is it ok to look at someone and assume just because they look older that it must be ok to engage with them. IT'S NOT.

I hope this offered you some clarity, Anon. And I apologize for going off. I guess your question was a good one to make me think so much.

~ S

[singbluesxlver]

I suddenly remembered this movie that I saw about two years ago called The Lost City, where Sandra Bullock is a famous writer who has this kind of romance adventure saga and somehow ends up being kidnapped in the middle of the jungle and the model that appears in the covers of her books playing the protagonist of them travels there to save her. or something like that. I don't remember much from the movie BUT one scene in particular came to my mind and I thought...why not make it ghostsoap?

please don't expect too much from this, english's not my first language but since i have a kind soul i´ll take the risk so that tumblr users who dont speak spanish can understand and enjoy (or not) the ghostsoap scenarios that i came up with 👍

soooo

So far Johnny had managed to escape from Graves (the psycho billionaire who had read all his books and decided it was a great idea to kidnap him) and as much as it pained him to admit it, he couldn't have done it without Simon's help. Now the two of them were lost in the middle of the jungle and neither knew more than the basics of survival.

He would have liked to keep looking for a way out but night began to fall and with it came a soft but constant cold breeze, so it would be better for them to choose a nice spot to spend the night and get some sleep.

Johnny was struggling to make a fire that would give them some light and warmth. After a couple more failed attempts, he pulled back and groaned in frustration.

“We need something more flammable, everything is so wet... What do you have in your backpack?” He asked Simon but began to rummage through it before receiving any response. He found a small bottle and read the label. “Eucalyptus and rosemary oil? I guess it can be useful…”

Johnny dumped the entire contents onto a couple of branches, which soon caught fire. 

“Wait, what are yo-” But it was too late for Simon to stop him.

“Look! I did it! I made fire!” He was very proud of his achievement, their hopes of surviving the night increased.

“Very impressive…”

“Right?”

Simon only responded with a subtle smile before turning away to remove his shirt. Johnny nearly choked on his own saliva at the sight in front of him. A few hours before, thanks to a silly accident, he had seen him completely naked, there was nothing he hadn't seen before, so he didn't understand the reason for his own reaction. He had been caught off guard, it was just that, he thought. But it didn't take long for him to notice something that snapped him out of his thoughts and alarmed him a little.

“Your back... Are you okay? it doesn't look good…” Simon's back was covered in a rash and it seemed to itch so much Johnny didn't understand how he wasn't tearing his skin off by now. 

“It's nothing... That's why i don't usually get into the water, my body reacts like this…” Simon replied, a little uncomfortable, turning around to look at him.

“Oh... Do you have anything for it, like some ointment or something?” 

“Yeah I do... Well, I did... It was in a little bottle…” He was staring at Johnny's hands holding the empty oil bottle.

“Oh... It was this... god, I'm sorry, Si.” He realized with embarrassment.

“'S okay”

No it wasn’t, and Johnny was going to make up for it. Quickly he went back to digging through the backpack to find a pack of face masks. He decided not to ask about it. “Wait, come here... I think we can do something with this.”

Simon looked confused but without saying anything he walked over and sat next to him.

“Turn your back on me” Johnny asked, being quickly obeyed. “This can be a bit cold…”

His suspicions were confirmed as soon as he felt a chill run down Simon's spine as he began to gently place one of the masks on his back. “Sorry.”

“Maybe this is how ‘Ghost’ should die.” Simon joked, referring to the protagonist of Johnny's books. “Horrible eczema outbreak... its so sexy.” 

Johnny laughed at that. “Oh I can make it work.”

“All right then, how would you write that? Delight me.”

He didnt hesitate to accept the challenge and rapidly began to put into words the scenario that Simon was proposing to him. “Hm... Warmed by the fragant fire…”

“Starting strong…”

“Soap's (Ghost’s love interest in his books) hands explored the... the contoured scenery of Ghost's body... Familiar terrain made new and exciting with every scarlet rim” Johnny's voice as he narrated the scene that they had just created together, was slow and soft, as were the movements that his hands made on Simon's back.

“And it didn't uh... didnt turn him off?” There was a trace of melancholy in his tone.

“No... Because with every cardinal ridge, Soap discovered another letter in the language that only their bodies spoke” Johnny could feel Simon's body slowly beginning to relax.

“Hmm… You know what their bodies said?” 

It only took two seconds for Johnny to reply. “Take me, take me…” He said almost in a whisper .“How's that?” 

“It’s… It’s good” Simon muttered and began to turn around to face him.

“Your back, i mean, hows your back” Johnny chuckled nervously.

“Oh, no, yeah, i also meant my back” Simon responded awkwardly. Both of them cringed a little.

There was an awfully awkward silence before Johnny stood up. “okay... im gonna go rest a bit... you'll be okay?”

“yeah i'll be fine…” 

[myfictionaldreams]

hi! i’m that asshole anon :/

at the time i really was just very upset about the fics! theres so many people who don't care to grow and change, or dont care if it “glamourizes” that behavior. it was for sure a knee jerk reaction. i definitely should have chosen my words better and could've for sure been kinder. I do want to say that while the dynamics weren't good your writing is FANTASTIC!!! ive seen you on ao3 and your work is sincerely really good.

i'm sorry that my (rude) message made you feel bad, i think you are an amazing writer and I appreciate you coming back with a nicer response than I would've. I really do feel bad.

your smut is done really well, and i’m hiding behind the anon wall because at first it was just bc i have a *tiny* following. but now its because i’m so very ashamed at my behavior. i do agree that that was shitty and I don’t deserve any kindness or good will.

i can see that you’re a growing writer and I do understand how much those kind of comments can be. again you are a good writer. i think maybe reading those felt like such a shock and I should’ve handled it better, maybe come to you in private with respect and after cooling down. i only wrote that to you because I wasn’t seeing disclaimers for the ones that i was talking about (on ao3)

i sincerely apologize, I hope that I didn’t make you feel bad or discourage you in any way. I was far too harsh and I understand that we are all human and none of us are perfect. I wanted to explain my feelings, but not excuse my actions. i wish i had a time machine. and i appreciate you as a writer, and when the time comes I hope you can forgive me <3

Hi! firstly sorry for taking a few days to respond my personal life has been very hectic & also needed to think about what/how to say my response.

Right, firstly i really really appreciate you returning and apologising and understanding that way that you worded the message was wrong etc and it’s clear from this message you do feel bad and understand that it was wrong so I do want to thank you for that.

However, I really do want to emphasis how difficult these negative/hateful messages make writers feel. This message or any other hate messages I will always remember, particularly when its feedback for things that aren’t intentinal (such as the bdsm dynamic you referred too). Sometimes writing doesn’t always come across how I wanted to in my mind and doesnt mean that it is written with malicious intent. Furthermore, there are ALWAYS warnings on my writing that I do feel like people just half read and don’t fully take into account. Yes, I could have labelled it further to specify that the reader enjoyed to be punished therefore there was pre-agreed consent but as I said, it was one of my very first fanfics so had a lot to learn still.

Again, I really do appreciate your response because every time I reply to a hateful anon, they never come back and I feel like it wasn’t worth the response in the first place so I’m very happy that you’ve actually read my explanation etc and giving me another chance.

Just for future though, for you or ANYONE going to send a message, always do it with kindness and education in mind. It’s hard to see that you have mentioned that you have enjoyed my other work so you know my writing style and still felt that one fic was glamourising something so negative you felt the need to send me a hurtful and patronising message instead of taking a moment to think ‘oh i like the other fics, this one is a bit different maybe i should message just to clarify’ - instead of what was sent in the first place and just assuming that I’m willing to write abusive fics.

But anyway, all is forgiven because I really hate negativity, I hope you are also doing ok, I do believe you are sorry and regret sending the message so everything is absolutely fine, lessons are learnt on both end of this interaction. Sending peace and love ღღ

[tapatiopickle]

being someone who reads and writes disturbing shit is weird. people think youre into children, when in reality, you wish you were the kid being groomed or fucked. not a pxdo, definitely a gerontophile though.

i used to look up questions on the internet in hopes of finding studies or something that would explain the way i am. why do i wanna be groomed? why do i wanna be a little kid and be touched by my father? why do i wanna be kidnapped and cut open? why do i wanna be raped?

nothing ever came up. i think we need more studies on why people feel this way. where it comes from. or maybe we’re just born to be freaks? and you know what, that’s fine, too.

sexuality is a complicated thing. maybe it simply cant be explained or studied. but, i think if it was, more people would be accepting of not only others, but themselves as well.

it took a long time for me to accept the fact that i was…into everything and okay with everything. so long as they are kept as fiction, of course. which is why i think things such as incestual rape and grooming is okay in fiction (and many other things). would i ever admit this to someone in person? no. most people are too idiotic to understand that people can differentiate between fiction and reality.

let me age myself down. let me pretend to be 8 years old and that im being violently raped by my father. let me pretend to be kidnapped and on an operation table of a manic surgeon.

i love it all. i love the freaks, the taboo, and the fantasies. i love the people, especially, who are into these things, too. theyre some of the nicest people youll ever meet.

“antis” or whatever you call them, are delusional. if youre that upset over a fictional character being fantasized about, go outside. get a job. make friends. because i can guarantee you that you don’t do or have any of those things if youre that stressed over that and doxxing people because of it. theyre not real fucking people.

jesus.

sorry, just a little rant, anon. if you dont agree with me, thats fine. not everyone will. just dont label me as a bad person, because im not. i dont fuck little kids, in fact, i hate them. i dont do or like any of those things in reality. i just like to safely explore darker things in fiction. i hope you understand what im getting at.

i also encourage you to do so. its very liberating.

-may

[dianthus-sy]

hey everyone!

long time, no?

it's been really crazy for real, not gonna lie.

Lets talk about the supreme feeling of being in love. Many of you might already be in love, some of you may be finding love, and a few of you might be labelling a mere infatuation as love. Whatever might the case be, most of you are aware of the feeling of being in love.

For me love in all forms is beautiful, pretty, raw and serene. If you tell me to describe it, I'd always give the reference of snowfall, of flowers, of rain, of the smell of coffee, of psithurism, of tinkering lights, and of all the beautiful things possible.

'then why is it so complicated?' she asked.

Did i know the answer? SOMEWHAT

but did i want to make the young heart conscious of all the horrors that this generation and in general the world lets out?

OF COURSE NOT

i simply replied, 'just as pain demands to be felt, love demands pain and sorrows (secondary to the happy dandy world through rose coloured glasses)'

'You never explain me deeply, am i 6?' she asked, frowning to the extent of them turning into wrinkles.

'If i ever go on about it, you'll be able to write a book. But what i mean truly is love is not only finding a person with whom you want to share the happy times, it is the person with whom you want to share your pains and sorrows. Its not always happy, it has its own ups and downs. It has its own rat race when it comes to emotions, but at the end what tests it is your belief in one another. umm, did i make sense now,' i asked.

'Somewhat,' the girl said.

After a brief pause of literally gulping food like water, the elder one asked, 'but what if i feel attracted to other women?' She paused again, only to realise it might be a mistake.

'I did not mean to say i do, but what if someone else does. they shouldn't but what if?'

'Do you like other girls?' I asked blatantly.

'No, of course not. its not something I'll get myself into. Its bad i know, mom says it's bad. She quickly changes channels when something of this sort is shown.' she breathlessely completed, as if trying to justify the oldies and completely shunning her own identity.

'But its not bad at all.' I said.

She gasped for air and started mumbling and twitching.

'You know how you can love the opposite sex, right? Then why do you think liking people of the same sex should be a problem? Dont you think love in all forms is beautiful, afterall we're all taught how love is love and will always be.

Yes i do agree it takes time for people to accept and adjust, just like acclimatising to something new. but completely abolishing the whole thing is another word for stupidity and backward thinking.' I said completely in favour.

'But aren't you afraid?' She hesitantly asked again.

'Who isn't scared at any point in there lives. but all you know is that you've got to keep going because of your loved ones and most importantly the love of the singular person who's chosen you completely selflessly, without looking over at your gender. Maybe the most selfless acts are a result of love they say, then why can't people be accepted for who they are? I personally feel so alive seeing two people completely in love with each other, it has different nuances if you notice closely. Each and every relationship has its own story, screaming to be told with the only gist being love, repect and a different level of understanding.'

A pause followed.

'Everyone might not agree to all these changes, but these are not new. earlier people were so scared to even admit and come to terms with their own identities. but now as times are passing, people realise the need to accept their identities and help others, struggling, to atleast come to terms with it. It isn't easy, still. but it is what it is. And it is beautiful. And its bold, its strong. People have all sorts of problems these days, but have you ever thought about the trail of thoughts that follow in such people's minds. Its not even remotely congruent to ours. People say its easy to accept now, but that may be the case with only a few. still a majority of people do not come out due to family pressure, and in general their whole identity crisis pressure. Its still the most daunting thing to do. And i, for one have a different amount of respect for them. They do not need you standing beside them all of the time. they just want you to accept them as normal humans and acknowledge their existence as well. They are capable of handling things, maybe better than most, they just need a little love.'

And not only love for them, i feel love in generap is lacking from the world like ours. Is it too difficult to sympathise with another human, to care for another human, to love them?

Or does it make you not so cool. Most of the people who show emotions are perceived as sexier than the rest. For once think before you plainly disregard somebody, laugh at somebody's weaknesses, or ignore somebody out of the blue. Doesn't make you look cool trust me.

.

.

And as for today its enough written i guess. I was hoping to come up with something better than to just plainly write it in text. but i hope i could convey certain things to you. I've only touched topics which will be mindfully completed and made whole in your own thoughts. Think wisely but yes think.

Also use your heart for all the other things. It knows better.

Until next time, wherein your thoughts would be complete of all the minute things touched upon today.

Please please please treat people with kindness, its so lacking in our society. And stay happy. Smile and laugh as much as you can. and try to make atleast 3 people smile each day. Spread happiness and help those who are going through a tough time. And stay young, always pamper yourself, treat yourself as a little child and do all the things your heart wishes for.

With so much love

G <3

[katanyktos]

i hate it here

maybe i just need a good cathartic cry

maybe i just need to stop living in wait of something

maybe i should just

i dont know

im going to clean the bathroom later, its full of people now.

i just... why cant i get out of this

i feel so shameful and guilty

i hate myself for how i react to things.

he doesnt understand

he doesnt understand anything

he doesnt talk to me like he used to

and he just makes me

so impossibly mad

i dont know

i know that under every layer in the end i am the one whos lacking behind, i am the one in the wrong

i dont know what to do about it besides the one thing that im having real trouble doing.

oh god maybe i AM an addict.

if i can accept this awful damning PRIVATE and SECRET label, maybe im going to be able to deal with my problems.

im sitting in my room unable to write cause i need to clean the bathroom first, and unable to clean it because my roommates are getting ready for the night. i shouldnt have waited. i should have cleaned the bathroom immediately as soon as i remembered. i fucking hate it here.

i dont know how to deal with myself yet.

i wish i could write down what i did last time, so i could follow the istructions and be alreight every single time. but there are no instructions. none that i know of. every time the rules of the game change. i dont know what to do with myself besides waiting.

maybe i should practice mindfulness or sone shit. i CANT live my life waiting.

i dont know what to do.

he

why dous he do this to me? why did i do this to myself? why... why am i doing this to myself?

i really nedd to treat myslef like an addict. i need. i dont know.

i need my boy. he doesnt understand. he doesnt understand how much he means to me. too much to spend my time with him being idle on the phone. i... i dont know what to DO with myself!

[willowfolksong]

Hi! I have a request but its totally fine if you dont have the time to do it :]] im going to be requesting a Sakusa Kiyoomi x f!reader wherein Sakusa and reader have this complicated no label thing going on. Reader really likes them but Sakusa's still very much in love with his ex. Reader's aware of this but still wants to be with him 🥲🥲🥲(like maybe he's avoiding doinh certain things because it reminds him of his ex or he mistakens reader for his ex and what his ex likes) After some time, maybe reader gets tired of this but its only when Sakusa realizes that he's in love with reader and wants them to stay :((( Fluffy ending pls 🥺🥲 + I love all of ur works and how u turn requests into amazing stories

you never called it what it was

- Sakusa Kiyoomi x Reader

- SFW; slightly suggestive

a/n: hiiiii anon!!!! I loved this request. I don't know why I love writing Sakusa angst so much, honestly 🤣 our poor boy. I will have to apologize tho, I PROMISE YOU'LL HAVE A HAPPY ENDING FOR THIS ONE 🥺 It's just that for the sake of the story, I wanted to dedicate a whole chapter to reconciliation, and so I decided to make this into two parts. I really really really hope you dont mind 🥺✨ and I hope you enjoy this. Always let me know! AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR BEAUTIFUL WORDS THEY MEAN THE WORLD TO ME ❤

Love,

Willow ❄

Requests are open! ❄

Part I - Part II

You wake up on Kiyoomi's bed after a long night of sex, and you can't remember where your bra is, but the imprints on your hips are enough reminder of what truly happened during the night.

And you really don't need your bra anyway.

"I hope you understand that this doesn't means anything" he tells you, when you're about to leave his flat. He called you a taxi, made you breakfast, and even engaged in small talk with you, while you munched on your toasts and drunk your coffee. But that's as far as his niceness goes, and you're actually thankful for the warning.

"I get that" you say with a smile, and stand on your tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek. "It was fun, that's all"

Kiyoomi nods, and watches as you climb into the car and disappear down the road, before going back to his apartment.

Jokes on you, because you didn't get shit.

You always had a penchant for running late.  You were never on time for school, or dates, or anything before, really. In a more poetical way, you feel that that also applies for your relationship with Kiyoomi Sakusa. You had a crush on him for your three high school years, and only got the courage to confess when he got himself a girlfriend, starting college.

Late, always late.

You knew about the breakup, from a mutual friend. Nasty thing, with nasty accusations and petty fights that left Kiyoomi broken and lonely. More than before. Meeting him in the club was a coincidence, at least you could say that in your favor. Calling him a couple of days later to hang out, wasn't.

"This is your phone number, right?" he asks you one night, after another round of sex. You're sitting against the headboard, scrolling through Pinterest, when he sudenly shows you the screen of his phone. You're face to face with all the times you've called him.

"Ahm... yeah? You don't have me on your phone?"

"I'm going to put you on my contact list now" he explains, as if it's only normal that he does it now, after you've been having sex for a few weeks.

You watch him type your name above your number. Nothing more, nothing less. And then you get to see his favorite contacts, right before he can turn off the screen. A pet name that can only belong to his ex is at the top.

You try not to think too much about it.

But you do anyway.

"Are you sure that's what you want?" you friend asks you, worry evident on her face "A halfassed relationship with a man that still loves someone else?"

"I don't want anything" you roll your eyes, and take another sip of your coffee. Weekly reunions to catch up with your best friend are great, until she starts to actually try to give you advice. You're bad with advice "Didn't you heard me? We're keeping it casual"

"Casual" your friend repeats, unimpressed.

You nod "Yeah. Having fun. No strings attached"

"No strings attached with your high school crush? I don't know, it sounds like you've been attached from way before he even knew your name"

"That was before" you whine "I'm a grown up now. I know what I'm doing"

"I'm just warning you" you friend shrugs "Komori told me that they had a nasty breakup, and that Sakusa's still not over her. Just... watch out"

"I will, seriously. Don't worry"

You don't.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to" you say, just because Kiyoomi looks as if he's been struck by lighting. You swallow around nothing and take another bite of your food, chewing thoughtfully and trying to make the tension go away "I was just curious, that's all"

"We had a... bad breakup" Kiyoomi finally answers, still looking down at his food.

It's the first time you two are having the most similar thing to a date, and you chose to ask him about his ex.

Of course.

"Yeah, I've heard. I'm sorry"

"It's in the past"

"Is it?"

When he looks up at you, his eyes seem like they're glowing. "Why are you asking so many questions?"

"It's nothing"

It's everything.

You remember why you used to like him so much one fateful winter day, when he falls asleep in your lap. You're both watching some silly Christmas movie that neither of you particularly likes, and he's so tired from practice that he closes his eyes for a moment, and then he's out like a light.

It's the softness in his expression, the way his eyelids flutter close, with his long lashes almost touching his cheeks. The curly hair, falling messily on his forehead. The soft Sakusa Kiyoomi, that you saw sitting down alone on a bench, the first day of school, waiting patiently for the gym to open. You took a liking to his most vulnerable side, and then the rest came easily.

You've been seeing each other for a while now, and you know you're not his girlfriend. You don't even have to ask. You go on dates, have sex, hang out on his appartment— but he still has his ex under that silly nickname on his phone, and there's a picture of her on the counter. A selfie she took, with Kiyoomi smiling softly on the background.

He calls her name softly, after you stand up and lay his head on the couch, just to get a much closer look of the photo you've never actually cared for before.

"It's just me" you say out loud,  because deep down you want him to feel ashamed for calling you another's woman name.

If he regrets it, he doesn't shows it. He looks at you with sleepy eyes and becomes you to join him on the couch again. You purposely place the frame upside down.

"Oh, you're not coming" you say to Kiyoomi, while fixing your hair and checking to see if your makeup it's still in place. His apartment is closer to the party your friend's are throwing, and so you decided to change and get ready there.

It's been six months of this. You think it's fine.

Kiyoomi looks up with a start, and frowns when you turn around to ask him what's wrong.

"I thought you would want me to come with you"

"I know you don't like parties. So no"

He still looks incredibly surprised, and folds his arms over his chest when you sit beside him to put your shoes on "Are you sure?"

"Do you want to come?"

He doesn't hesitates "No"

"Then that's it. I wouldn't want to force you to do something you don't like"

You finish up with your heels to find him staring at you odly. There's something swimming in the dark of his eyes, that makes you simultaneously want to kiss him and step away from him. You do neither, staying frozen in place under his gaze.

"I'm not very... used to that" he finally whispers.

You purse your lips and stand up with a huff.

Of course he's not.

"I'm not your ex, Kiyoomi"

"I know that" he says, and you don't find any bite in his voice. It's still soft, and almost unsure, and you can't resist looking back. He's watching his hands intently. "I know that"

You really wish he did

"She called me" he tells you during dinner. You're both at your appartment, because apparently that's something you do now.

You know who 'she' is without having to ask.

"Oh?"

"Said she's in town, and wants to stop by to get some things she left behind at my place"

"I see"

"So I don't think we can see each other this Saturday"

You drink your wine in one go. Kiyoomi watches you nod out of the corner of his eye, before you go back to the meal you prepared specifically for him. He thought you didn't knew how to cook. He was wrong, of course. She was the one that didn't knew how to.

Just a simple confusion, really.

"It's alright" you lie.

"I think I'm in love with him" you say to your friend on the phone, and then pause, waiting for her to talk. When she doesn't, you press on, fed up with yourself, with her, with Kiyoomi and with the world "Aren't you going to say I told you so?"

"I know" it's what she says "I'm sorry"

You nod, even tho she can't see you, and cry yourself to sleep.

You call him on Friday, to tell him that you want to show him a special place. He's slightly reluctant, but agrees to go with you anyway. It's been getting easier, to go out and go to different places together. You think about that during the ride, while Kiyoomi silently looks out the window. It's been a year since you started whatever you have. From only hanging out in his appartament to slowly starting going places, you've come a long way. If only...

"Why are we here?" Kiyoomi asks, closing the car door behind him.

You breathe in, smile, and take off your shoes. He looks at you with a raised eyebrow.

"I used to come here a lot. When we lived nearby"

"You used to live around here?"

You nod, and make your way to the ocean. You're not sure if Kiyoomi will follow, but you flop down on the sand either way, bringing your knees to your chest. The sun is slowly setting down, and while the sky turns every shade of red, you can only think about how you really, really wish this could have worked.

You're a bit surprised when he comes to stand beside you— still wearing his shoes, of course.

"When I was feeling down, or too stressed out, my mom drove me here to watch the sunset. She wanted me to know that as sure as the sun would always come out the next day, things would also get better" you can't see what expresion Kiyomi is making, since half of his face is covered by a mask, but at least his eyes are trained on you. "Since we won't be seeing each other tomorrow" you add, trying hard not to sound too bitter about it "And you'll be leaving early on Sunday morning to your game, I wanted to bring you here today. I know your Sunday match against the Addlers is an important one and... well, I know you're stressed" you glance at him out of the corner of your eye, half expecting for him to scoff and tell you he's fine. He doesn't. He's still looking at you with that same intensity that makes you look back at the sea, embarrased "And I thought maybe here, you could find a bit of peace. As I used to, when I was younger" you laugh, gently rubbing your arms against the chilly air "Of course, I was only a dumb kid back when my mother used to bring me here, and you have real adult life problems. But still. This is like my place and... yeah"

You feel his jacket over your shoulders before you have a chance to look up and find him leaning over you. He's not wearing his mask anymore.

"I don't think I have a place" he tells you softly.

You wish he just sat down beside you, but you know that's just too much to ask. "No?"

"I just never thought about it"

"I get that, yeah"

When the last ray of sun dies in the horizon, you stand up and dust your pants. Kiyoomi grabs your hand as you're walking back to the car.

"We'll see each other after the game"

You don't check your phone until late at night that Saturday. He had sent you a text around 5 p.m, asking how was your day.

You don't answer.

You recognize the scarf on the back of the couch. His ex was wearing it in that picture you turned upside down one day, when you still didn't knew how strong your feelings were. Your first thought it's that it makes sense she still has the same one, since it's so hard to buy winter clothes.

It's called intrusive thoughts. You fixate on small, insignificant details when you're nervous, to avoid thinking about the bigger picture.

The bigger picture being that the ex of your non-boyfriend/not just a friend Sakusa Kiyoomi is still there, and that she probably went to his game, after spending the weekend together.

It's what arriving unannounced gets you.

It's what entering a mockup of a relationship with a man that it's clearly not over his ex gets you.

Your mom used to tell you that contrary to popular belief, we take the biggest decisions in our life without much thinking, without much planning. Epiphanies just happen.

You turn around, leave the door open behind you, and calmly walk down the stairs.

You even put some music on your way home, rolling down the windows to feel the fresh air of night.

When you get to your place, you have one missed call from him.

You turn off the radio, stare at the screen for twenty seconds that feel like a last time, and text back.

You block his number, and then burst into tears.

[twopoppies]

(Hope none of this is offensive to you as a bi person Gina, I just don’t understand your anons obsession with labels)

Sexuality is so fluid and too complicated when you start to assign labels to it. I identified as bi, but am married to a woman and intend to stay married to her so I call myself a lesbian now and I think that’s accurate. In hindsight I never felt this way about any man I dated and I really really don’t think I could ever date another man now that I know what it’s like to be with a woman. But I’ve been told by a few bisexual friends that that’s me having internalised biphobia or rejecting my bisexuality. It’s not, I just don’t ever think about men anymore. Not in a flirty way, not in a oh he’s hot way, I just dont. So maybe I am a lesbian, maybe I’m still bisexual (if my mrs transitioned for some reason I’m pretty sure I’d still want to be with her) but the point I’m making is that labels are too hard to pin down, especially when you’re living as a gay person in a same sex relationship. Just be gay and let Harry be gay!! 🌈

Hi sugar. Yes, I totally hear what you're saying. There's no need to know how Harry identifies (or how any of us identify), if we're all treating each other with the kindness and respect everyone deserves; which is basically what he was saying in that BH&G quote.

I think for some people, having a very distinct label is important. It's a part of their identity. For others, maybe less so. And I do think sexuality and our feelings about it can be fluid.

It's just really complex, isn't it? I have so many more thoughts, but I'm really trying to write and not get sucked into Tumblr today (clearly I am sucking at both goals). 🌸