#maybe you shouldn’t have read! an adult romance!

[callixton]

hey remember when people got mad at red white and royal blue, an adult romance, for fetishizing gay men by having gay sex scenes. in the adult romance novel.

[ireadyabooks]

Summer Full of Shivers ☀️☠️🩸

Summer scaries have arrived! This time of year is for spooky stories around the campfire and spine-tingling books that you maybe shouldn’t save for right before you go to bed. But hey, that’s part of the fun, right! We can never get enough horror in our lives and have some chilling reads for you to sink your teeth into in the summer heat! Check out some of our recent favorites below, and don’t forget to keep an extra light on at night! Or don’t . . . we leave that up to you . . .

The Getaway by Lamar Giles

Jay is living his best life at Karloff Country, one of the world's most famous resorts. He's got his family, his crew, and an incredible after-school job at the property's main theme park. Life isn't so great for the rest of the world, but when people come here to vacation, it's to get away from all that.

As things outside get worse, trouble starts seeping into Karloff. First, Jay's friend Connie and her family disappear in the middle of the night and no one will talk about it. Then the richest and most powerful families start arriving, only... they aren't leaving. Unknown to the employees, the resort has been selling shares in an end-of-the-world oasis. The best of the best at the end of days. And in order to deliver the top-notch customer service the wealthy clientele paid for, the employees will be at their total beck and call.

Whether they like it or not.

Yet Karloff Country didn't count on Jay and his crew -- and just how far they'll go to find out the truth and save themselves. But what's more dangerous: the monster you know in your home or the unknown nightmare outside the walls?

Start reading The Getaway now!

Shiver by Maggie Stiefvater

From the #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Raven Boys, the haunting and original supernatural romance returns in a new edition

For years, Grace has watched the wolves in the woods behind her house. One yellow-eyed wolf--her wolf--is a chilling presence she can't seem to live without. Meanwhile, Sam has lived two lives: In winter, the frozen woods, the protection of the pack, and the silent company of a fearless girl. In summer, a few precious months of being human . . . until the cold makes him shift back again.

Now, Grace meets a yellow-eyed boy whose familiarity takes her breath away. It's her wolf. It has to be. But as winter nears, Sam must fight to stay human--or risk losing himself, and Grace, forever.

Start reading Shiver now!

The Deep Dark by Molly Knox Ostertag

From Molly Knox Ostertag, writer-illustrator of the New York Times and ABA Indie bestselling The Witch Boy trilogy and The Girl from the Sea, comes a darkly beautiful story of identity, family, love, loss, and magic.

Everyone has secrets. Mags’s has teeth.

Magdalena Herrera is about to graduate high school, but she already feels like an adult with serious responsibilities: caring for her ailing grandmother; working a part-time job; clandestine makeouts with a girl who has a boyfriend. And then there’s her secret, which pulls her into the basement each night, drains her of energy, and leaves her bleeding. A secret that could hurt and even kill if it ever got out -- like it did once before.

So Mags keeps her head down, isolated in her small desert community. That is, until her childhood friend Nessa comes back to town, bringing vivid memories of the past, an intoxicating glimpse of the future, and a secret of her own. Mags won’t get attached, of course. She’s always been strong enough to survive without anyone’s help.

But when the darkness starts to close in on them both, Mags will have to drag her secret into the daylight, and choose between risking everything . . . or having nothing left to lose.

Start reading The Deep Dark now!

A Darker Mischief by Derek Milman

The Honeys meets The Secret History in a work of dark academia like no other -- a boarding school thriller about a queer teen from Mississippi who finds himself swept into a world of old money, privilege, and the secret society at the heart of it all.

When Cal Ware wins a scholarship to an elite New England boarding school, he's thrilled to leave his past behind. Back home in Mississippi, he was the poor, queer kid who never fit in. But at Essex Academy, he'll be able to reinvent himself. Or so he hopes . . .

But at Essex, Cal's classmates only see his cheap clothes and old iPhone. They mock his accent, and can't believe he's never left the country, or heard of The Hamptons. Cal, at his breaking point, is about to give up and return to Mississippi when he learns about a secret society on campus -- the key to becoming Essex royalty.

Cal knows he's not exactly secret society material, but to his surprise, he finds an unlikely champion in the handsome, charismatic, and slightly dangerous Luke Kim. As they get swept up in the mystery and glamour of the Rush process, Cal finds himself falling in love for the first time.

But as the initiation rituals grow riskier -- and increasingly nefarious -- Cal must decide how far he's willing to go, and how much of himself he's willing to sacrifice, to save everything and everyone he cherishes most. Because nothing at Essex -- not even Cal's first love -- is quite what it seems.

Start reading A Darker Mischief now!

The Other Ones by Fran Hart

A beautiful and unputdownable story about love, friendship, and the ghosts that grief can leave behind, The Other Ones is a heartfelt, contemporary romance with a haunting twist . . .

Salem Amani is a world-weary sixteen-year-old living with his mother and older sister in a haunted house. But all Sal really wants is to be ordinary, which is hard to do when you live in a house full of ghosts. And when a strange boy arrives on his doorstep asking more questions than he’s at all comfortable with, Sal’s efforts to be ordinary are put under even greater strain. Until Pax makes his offer: “I could help you with the hauntings . . . I’m good with ghosts.”

But despite his initial dislike of Pax, Sal can’t help but find himself unexpectedly drawn to the boy. And as the two grow closer, and Pax offers to help Sal scare away his ghosts for good, Sal finds himself sinking deeper into a lie concealing the truth about his family.

When the true nature of the “hauntings” is revealed, Sal must confront reality – or risk losing Pax for good.

Start reading The Other Ones now!

[onceuponaoneshotfanfic]

Teach Me Tonight

Part of my 900 Followers Celebration!

Request: Congrats on the 900, love reading your work! Can I request “Okay, maybe I have a crush on you! So what?”  with Roy.

Roy Kent x Teacher!Reader

1.5k words

Warnings: Language, mentions of Ms. Bowen, Roy being a flirt, Reader getting embarrassed

Author's Note: I've had Roy with a teacher stuck in my head for a while now. No reason of course. None at all. Totally not because I'm a teacher.

The clock seemed to move so slowly as you sat at your desk, ignoring the spelling test you should be marking. The kids were all gone for the day, and you were waiting for your meeting, your last task before you could head home for the day.

Phoebe had, once again, gotten into a fistfight. And, once again, it meant calling home to set up a meeting.

You checked your watch; yep, the clock on the wall was right, which meant Phoebe’s mum was incredibly late. With a sigh, you began packing up your things, figuring you’d send her mum a quick message asking to reschedule. Yes, in a half hour you’d be on your couch with a glass of wine and the romance novel that was sitting on your coffee table. Your mind wandered to your fridge, trying to figure out what you could scrounge up for dinner-

“Fuck, sorry I’m late.”

Oh, no. Not him.

Phoebe’s uncle burst into the room, clad in that leather jacket he always wore and a deep frown on his face. Truly, you shouldn’t have been so unhappy at the sight of him; you’d met Roy Kent quite a few times now, sometimes chatted a little during drop-off and pickup, and he was always very nice, although he often required reminders about his language when the kids were around. At the start of the year, he sincerely encouraged you to reach out to him if you ever needed anything, something you were terrified of taking him up on.

He was Roy Kent, after all. Gorgeous and famous. And besides that, you’d heard murmurings about Ms. Bowen’s awkward interactions with him last year; there was no way you were going to subject yourself to that. No thank you.

Still, you couldn’t help but smile as he shuffled towards your desk, embarrassed half-smirk on his face. You quickly grabbed a chair and placed it next to your desk, always amused to see adults sitting in chairs meant for eight-year-olds. Especially when that adult was a muscular ex-footballer.

“My sister got pulled into a last-minute surgery,” he explained, a tad breathless. “Got here as fast as I fucking could.” He seemed to remember where he was. “Shit, sorry.” He glanced around. “There any kids hanging around?”

You shook your head with a laugh. “You’re fine. Just don’t let Mrs. Selig hear you, though.”

“Yeah, wouldn’t want to miss training because I’ve got a fucking detention.” He leaned forward, his face becoming serious. “Now, what did Pheebs do this time?”

Unlike most parents, Phoebe’s adults were very self-aware. You liked that. “Well,” you started, glancing down at your notes. “Apparently, she overheard Harold making fun of Abby for not doing so well on a maths test. And Phoebe originally just told him to stop, and when he shoved Pheobe and told her to stay out of it, she relieved him of two of his baby teeth.” You offered a half-grimace, half-smile. “The girl’s got a mean right hook.”

Roy laughed, a sound you didn’t quite expect. “Well, fuck. What’s the punishment then?”

“Missing recess for the rest of the week.”

His eyebrows flew up. “That’s it? She just has to miss a few days of fucking jump rope and hopscotch?”

You nodded. “I went to the headmistress and explained that Phoebe was defending a friend, and that Harold was really the one who escalated things. And she agreed that really, Phoebe just needs a reminder to, you know, not hit people.” You tapped your desk. “Just, if you could, chat with her. No knocking people’s teeth out, no matter how awful they’re being to your friends. And that she should let an adult know if someone’s acting prickish. Believe it or not, some of us know how to handle that sort of thing.” You shrugged. “That’s about it.”

“Wow. Easiest conference I’ve ever come to,” he laughed, leaning back in his chair. “Guess you can get home to your husband, then.”

Your face warmed. “No husband,” you replied. “No wife. No boyfriend. No girlfriend.”

“Sugar daddy?”

Thank God you weren’t drinking anything, otherwise it would’ve come out your nose. “D’you think I’d be here if I had one of those?” you joked.

His smile made your chest tighten. “True.” He glanced around. “Mind if I take a peek?” He pointed at the wall where you had students’ writing displayed.

“Oh. Um, yeah, go for it.”

You watched him walk over to the bulletin board, amused by the slow, intentional way he looked at each child’s paper. He perked up when he saw Phoebe’s.

“They wrote about the person they admire most,” you explained as you left your desk to join him. “Pheebs wrote about you, of course.”

He gave a little hum as his eyes skimmed the paper. “Don’t know if I deserve that.”

“From what I hear, you do,” you assured him, feeling bold enough to bump him with your shoulder. “She basically worships you.”

His voice was low. “She’s an idiot.”

You grinned. “She’s eight. They’re all idiots.” Your eyes narrowed playfully. “Don’t ever tell anyone I said that, alright? As far as everyone knows, I’m bloody Mary Poppins.”

His eyes wandered over your face. “Your secret’s safe with me.” He strolled over to the bulletin board where you had your birthday calendar, reminders about upcoming tests and field trips, and copies of flyers for parents. He looked at each item carefully before pointing at one particular reminder. “You still need help with Friday’s field trip?”

“I always need help with field trips,” you answered, crossing your arms. “But I’m sure you have training-”

“I can be there.”

You blinked a few times, not sure how to respond to the quickness of his answer mixed with the soft way he looked at you. “You want to get on a hot bus with two dozen eight-year-olds and go to the zoo with them? Make sure everyone gets their lunch and no one wanders into the lions’ enclosure?”

He shrugged, ears beginning to tinge pink. “You just said you need help. I’d like to help you.”

Not I want to spend the day with Phoebe. Not Hey, good excuse to call off work, like some parents you knew would say. Nope, it was I’d like to help you.

Suddenly your throat was far too dry and Roy Kent was standing far too close to you. “Oh. Thank you, then.”

“Is there anything else I can help you with?” He leaned against the wall, the very picture of attractive.

Damn, there was a lot you’d like his help with. And none of it was appropriate for the classroom.

Instead of saying that, of course, you shook your head. “I know you’re a busy man, Coach Kent, there’s honestly no need-”

“You can call me Roy.”

Oh hell.

He continued. “Y’know, at the start of the year I told you could ask me for help. And I haven’t received a single fucking email, but I heard Abby’s mum gets called all the time to help out.” He raised his eyebrows, clearly just trying to give you a hard time. “Hardly seems fair to me. Is it because I’m a man? Because that’s kind of sexist, y’know.”

God, he was so freaking charming when he teased.

“No, it’s not that-”

He leaned closer, clearly enjoying watching you squirm. “What is it then? You a West Ham fan or something? Don’t want a Greyhound in your classroom?” His eyes flickered to your lips for the tiniest fraction of a second. “Couldn’t be because I make you nervous or anything, right?”

His brown eyes broke down every barrier of professionalism you had. “Okay, maybe I have a crush on you, so what?” Immediately your hands flew to your mouth, your face burning with embarrassment. “Fuck. Wait, no, I-”

“Excuse me, please no swearing in the classroom.” His voice was full of teasing as he gazed down at you. Slowly, he took your hands and brought them away from your face. When he saw the absolute terror in your eyes, his smirk disappeared. “Hey, wait. Fuck, are you alright?”

You shook your head, a lump forming in your throat. “I shouldn’t have said that,” you whispered. “It was, um, impulsive and unprofessional and childish and-”

“And exactly what I wanted to hear.”

His words bounced around in your head. “I’m sorry?”

His face was no longer teasing or concerned; it was bashful. “Why d’you think I want to help in the classroom so badly? I need a fucking excuse to be near you.” He still held your hands, his grip softening. “But I’m sure you’re not supposed to date parents-”

“You’re not a parent.” The words flew out of your mouth before you could even think about them.

Amusement returned to those handsome features. “Uncles are alright, then?”

“Only if they’re really grumpy and swear a lot.”

When he smiled, you felt sure your heart was going to explode out of your chest. “Well in that case, how about Friday, after the zoo? I’m sure you’ll need a fucking drink.”

In spite of your nerves, you nodded, not caring about looking cool or coy or aloof. “That would be lovely. Thank you, Coach Kent.”

He gave your hands a small squeeze before letting go and backing away. “I told you, call me Roy.” He gave a small salute as he made his way to the door. “See you Friday then.”

“See you Friday, Roy.”

[girlreblogger]

and then there were 3 💿

don’t get mad. i’m saying what needs to be said and this the last time.

the blk yn “stereotypical” stories are self indulgent and the relationships are unfulfilling and unhealthy. yeah. 

i never mentioned fully the stereotype thing that’s associated with blk yn fics and that’s because i have never really understood what ppl meant by it. and this isn’t to be funny towards the ppl that say that abt those certain fics.

i somewhat? get what ppl mean by yn is written as a stereotype when it comes to the toxicity in fics but because these stories are written by blk women for blk women who feel comfortable with those types of behaviors, dynamics and relationships i feel it shouldn’t be seen as blk women writing themselves as stereotypes because the comfortability with that idea of relationships comes from somewhere and it’s not no stereotype. 

stereotype: 1. a widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person

that word itself just projects an idea on those ppl and (not to use a buzz word but) dehumanizes them. it dilutes and dismisses the perception and character those women see themselves as and i don’t personally think that okay. 

lots of ppl are accustomed to or find comfort in certain dynamics and behaviors for so many different and very personal reasons. (whether extreme or not.) without even knowing sometimes we all do or have because we are still ppl at the end of the day. so chalking up someone’s humanness to a stereotype is unfair to me. it’s the same shit that ppl did to us back in the day and still do till this day and i find it unnecessary to do amongst ourselves.

that’s why i chose to say the relationships in those books and fics are unfulfilling. the dynamics, behaviors and all that ain’t healthy. if we being real. and that’s more than just a stereotype. i also dk what ppl mean by her being a stereotype in particular. maybe being extroverted? ion know. 

but ppl who want to write those things are going to do what they want but that doesn’t mean..

blk women don’t deserve or that it’s impossible for us to have more exposure to more fluffy and healthy dynamics in books with us as the main leads (also all blk ppl cause not just women read books obvi and want fluffy romance that’s another convo tho). it’s also important we showcase blk girls in various ways because we all are very different.

**we should keep in mind a fictional! character we call blk yn can be a ya (young adult) so mistakes and learning experiences in fics aren’t always useless. (though it seems we’ve had enough of it im just saying)

with different ways of thinking, with different styles, quirks, and personalities. right now it’s mostly coquettes, bimbos, and baddies being written almost similarly each time. and that’s perfectly fine but i think there’s something else that ppl are wanting to see but i would like to know what exactly.

do you guys want see her in different styles? talking differently? as an ambivert or a shy girl? someone who doesn’t talk much or someone who does? like what would be the opposite of the “stereotypes” you normally see?

and how can we as a community make some kind of change to see ourselves differently.

those few ppl when i said “as a community”

don’t get quiet now. 

but honestly, because of that maybe give writers prompts and requests with what you’d like to read. there are many writers who always have requests open and lots of times those asks are some of their most popular posts!

ppl started only reading or getting used to smutty and plug books cause that’s all there was, (there was an influx at the time) especially since 2020. that’s also when the blk fic community began to grow so there were more blk fics and writers than it used to be. so maybe we can try and do that with fluffy, fantasy and wtv other fics. 

**also there are some really good books on kindle for you guys to try with blk girls as the lead that might be interesting for you. here’s some of my suggestions: sunny disposition! and excuse me while i ugly cry! (these are just from the top of my head)

i personally have noticed so much about myself from reading more wholesome stories and stuff so reading other fics or books sometimes isn’t for me. it’s books i’ve read that i look back at and see how much i have grown from what i used to be into. that’s why i don’t reblog as much anymore too because i want to find more that is more personally up my alley.

so yeah let’s just try and find and create more books that are healthier. blk girls deserve love, kindness, to be treated gently not weak (or a like a child) and have sweet stories. stories and portrayals that heal us.

we can have suspense, drama, mystery, ups and downs, and even rain but i think a lot of us just want the sunshiney stuff. maybe that way we can digest the suspenseful and dramatic stories (that aren’t toxic) in a better way.

like i said in my last post we read and write for comfort so i think we can use this as a way to heal ourselves as well.

ps. (even some “healthy stuff” can be unhealthy lowkey but that’s another convo) 

muah

also thanks for all the likes on my previous posts! i was nervous ppl wouldn’t understand what i was trying to say but the good feedback has definitely given me confidence!

no bars

[rodricksfilipinagf]

Sharing A Bed (Jamie Tartt x Reader)

  I arrive home from work expecting to curl up into bed and read a new adult romance book when I feel an unexpected chill in the apartment. Oh no. It’s winter. This shouldn’t be happening. Is there a power outage? I flicker the lights on and off. They still work. Fuck. Is this like, a building-wide thing? There’s only one way to find out, and that’s to ask my closest neighbor. Ughhhh, fuck. There goes my relaxing night.

         When Jamie answers the door, he’s wearing a comfortable gray sweatshirt and doesn’t look at all distressed. “What? You didn’t have enough to yell at me about today?”

         “My heater isn’t working…and I’m guessing yours is fine.”

         “Yeah, mine works.” He looks at me smugly. “Do you want to hang out at my place until they come to repair yours?”

         I think it over. I could easily stay at a hotel, but my stuff is right next door, and I’m too lazy to pack.

         “Unless, of course, you’re scared to hang out with me.” His brow raises challengingly.

         I roll my eyes. “Seriously? Why would I be scared of you? You’re just annoying and a raging dickhead.”

         “Takes one to know one. Look, I’ll keep my door open. Just get what you need and spend the night here until your place gets fixed.”

         Why is he doing this? What is his angle? My laziness and curiosity win out. I let out a sigh. “You’re lucky my son has a sleepover tonight.”

         “Great, now so will you,” he says fake cheerfully. “This is probably the highlight of your social life here.”

         He’s such a dick. “I’m getting my stuff,” I say. Fuck you, I say internally a million times.

                                                        ~

         Nobody can fix my apartment until tomorrow morning. Guess I really am spending the night at the enemy’s flat. Maybe I should look into getting a hotel. Especially since Jamie shows no indication of leaving me alone. “I used to talk to a lingerie model and she left a couple sets here. If you put one on, I wouldn’t complain.”

         It’s just like him to objectify me like that. “I bet you wouldn’t,” I say. Though there’s a very, very small part of me that wonders if he’s not joking. If he thinks I could actually pull those off. And of course he’s been with lingerie models.  “I’m going to bed, because I’m sick of talking to you. Hope you don’t mind.”

         “Yeah, about that. There’s only one bed in this flat and it’s mine,” he smiles innocently.

         Fuck. My. Life.

                                                        ~

         “So why’d you come here?” He asks as we’re on opposite sides of his gargantuan bed.  I’m determined to stay as far away from him as possible. “To England?”

         “Why do you want to know?” I ask. “Do you actually care about getting to know me?”

         “You didn’t know anything about the team or about me,” he says.

         “Yeah, and God forbid someone not know about you,” I say. “Working in luxury fashion marketing is my dream, okay? It’s not some joke the way you seem to think it is.”

         “I never said it was.” He studies his fingertips.

         “You didn’t have to. You never take anything seriously and you’re always trying to undermine my authority or laugh at me. You’re a real fucking jerk.”

         “If it makes you feel better I always feel like crap afterwards,” he confesses.

         Well, that was a plot twist. I wasn’t expecting him to be that real with me. “Well then why do you do it?” I ask.

         He’s silent for a long while, and judging by his face, he’s actually taking my question seriously. “You know how I’m the best player on this team?” ….Or maybe I was wrong.

         “Why did I actually think I was getting a serious answer out of you?” I shake my head.

         “No, just shut up and let me finish,” he says. He’s all kinds of rude, but something inside me also wants to hear him out. “I wasn’t even allowed to play back in Manchester. They benched me. The only time I got to play there was as a substitute. That’s why they loaned me out. That’s how much they didn’t want me.”

         I wonder what that version of Jamie was like- the one that didn’t get attention or glory.  Was he humbler? More tolerable to be around? Because what would he be basing his ego on?

I have to stop myself from saying “I’m sorry.” This was Jamie we were talking about. He could stand to be humbled. Maybe it was good that he knew that there were others that were better than him.

         “And then I got loaned out here, and I was the best player by far, and I liked it. I liked that people got to see what I can do. What I worked so hard to get to do. I guess I let it get to me. The fame, the….everyone thinking what I wanted them to. That I was a star.” His head shifts to look at me. 

         “Yeah, I get that,” I say. “You shouldn’t be rude to other people though. Do you even have any real friends?”

         “No,” he says simply. “I guess not.”

         “What about relationships? Anything long term?” I ask.

         “Not really. My longest was six months. Why the sudden interest in my dating life?”

         I duck his gaze. “Just trying to figure out why you’re a dick to everyone around you.”

         “I’m great with women,” he counters. “Especially in bed.”

         I can’t help but smile at that. There’s something about him that’s almost charming. “I’d disagree with you but I don’t have proof.”

         He smirks. “You want some?”

         He doesn’t mean it. He doesn’t mean it. “So this is why you invited me over? To seduce me?”

         “Depends. Did it work?” he asks softly.

         There’s nothing I want more in this moment than to fuck him. I feel hot and I’m aware of every feeling in my body. But wait!!! I’m supposed to hate him!! Why is this happening? I’ve found him attractive ever since seeing him in that ad on the plane. But he can’t know that. I can’t have sex with him. He’s a dick to everyone and all he’s done since I’ve gotten here is try to make my life miserable. I wanted a meaningless hookup for the holiday season, and I feel like anything I do with Jamie will be anything but meaningless. It will be fueled with hatred, and passion, and I already know it will be so addicting that I won’t want to go back to the US. Where my life is. Where my son’s life is.

         I could hate fuck the shit out of Jamie. I know I could, and I know I’d have the best time doing it. But it’s better to not experience something great. That way it’s better to leave it…right?

         “Nope,” I say, moving away from him, trying my best to keep my voice even. “Nothing you do will make me not hate you.”

         He rolls his eyes. “Bullshit. You were into that.”

         “I know that you think that every woman you come across wants you-“

         “Yeah, I do, cause it’s true. And you’re one of them,” he says cockily.

         “Maybe you’re the one that’s into me,” I counter. “You’re the one who made up a stupid lie to get me to sleep next to you. And it’s so obvious too. You’re so juvenile and immature. How can you possibly think I’d like you?”

         “I see the way you look at me.” He doesn’t say anything for a long time, so I assume he finally went to sleep. So when he says, “I’ll get you to admit it,” I’m a little shocked.

         “What makes you think you will?” I ask, too taken aback to pretend too be asleep myself.

         “I don’t give up. So…have fun with that. Cause I will.”

[blissfullyecho]

I have an absolutely appalling sleep schedule. I have to wake up every morning at around 6:30 for classes, but my problem lies in my bedtime. I go to sleep around 1-2 and end up tired all day. I usually read my romance novels or scroll through reels or YouTube shorts during this time. I really want to change my habits but I'm having difficulty cutting the scrolling habit and the urge to reach for my phone at night. I can't even turn it off because I live alone. any ideas how I can change this?

breaking the habit of endless scrolling before bed

find your reason as to why you are reaching on your phone

the questions you should ask yourself is 1) when do i pull out my phone? 2) what am i searching when i reach for my phone? 3) why do i feel the need to reach for my phone / why am i attached to it?

the first question you may or may not have an answer straight away. it might take you a couple nights of picking up your phone in order for you to answer that question, which is fine, habits take time to break. so first consider how long you typically go without picking up your phone before bed. are you able to stay off your phone for 20 minutes or is it more like five minutes? the next thing you should ask yourself is what are you looking for when you pick up your phone. are you looking at specific content like personal development, fitness, studying, cooking, etc.? or are you looking to see how many story views, likes, and comments you got on social media? are you stalking your ex? are you trying to find another way to be entertained because you’re not being entertained? you have to be real with yourself first and foremost and interrogate yourself and get to the bottom line. again, you might not find an answer immediately, but eventually you will. lastly, you need to ask yourself why do you feel the need to pull your phone out. are you bored and you’re looking for entertainment, are you stressed and the first thing you do is reach for your phone whenever a little bit of anxiety hits? basically, tap into those emotions and those feelings the next time you feel the need to reach for your phone and ask yourself why am i doing this right now? feel free to go back to this question and reread my answer and ask yourself those three questions. this is a way for you to get to know yourself better, and to be more mindful of your actions. 

is it a lack of being entertained?

if you find that you’re not necessarily being entertained, you have to understand that you shouldn’t be entertained before bed. being entertained doesn’t allow you to wind down, relax, and eventually get a good nights rest. i don’t know if you have kids, but if you had a small child and they said to you that they couldn’t go to sleep because they’re distracted because of a toy that they really want to play with, you would tell them ‘no, you can play it tomorrow. go to bed’ because there’s no need for anyone to be entertained before bed. this is a time where you can look into reparenting yourself or to talk to yourself like a parent talks to their child. parents don’t say no because they don’t want their kids to have fun, they say no because they know what’s best for them. something that has recently worked for me when I’m trying to wind down but I still want to be entertained, is i take out my journal and whatever i want to watch on youtube, let’s say it’s personal development, i will write down a script as if I am a youtuber and that gives me the benefit of being entertained while also winding down because writing is very relaxing. you might also try making bullet journals, adult coloring books, or maybe listening to an audiobook. these ideas help you relax your mind, but also keep you a little bit entertained until your eyes get heavy.

is it a stress/anxiety coping mechanism?

i don’t know about you, but sometimes whenever i am in an uncomfortable situation, i reach for my phone because it feels like a safety net. if this is you, find other ways to ease your anxiety, and to ease your stress. this might be going on youtube and listening to a sleep meditation. maybe you want to do a stretching session that you can do in bed to relax your muscles. if you’re struggling with stress and anxiety before bed, you need to look for other ways to cope.

what can you do instead?

1) listen to an audiobook

2) adult coloring books

3) writing / journaling / bullet journaling

4) meditation

5) daydream / mental stories in your head

6) exercise a couple hours before bed

7) keep apartment/dorm/house/room dimly lit for a few hours before bed to trigger the “night time” sleep response from your brain

8) ***this really helps me*** i have a song i play about an hour before bed and now whenever i hear the song, i yawn because my body knows it’s time for sleep.

but most importantly, you have to find what’s best for you. so tonight or anytime you feel the need to reach for your phone before bed, stop yourself and ask “why am i doing this? what emotions am i feeling that triggers this? what am i looking to gain while being on my phone right now?” and don’t say “nothing”!!!! there IS a reason for everything, you just have to find it. then once you do, you should find alternatives to help get passed the phone habit.

i hope i helped! 🤍

[jetwhenitsmidnight]

Skater Boy by Anthony Nerada

Source: Audiobook ARC from NetGalley

Release date: 6 February

Genre: young adult contemporary romance

If you like: queer coming of age, explorations of toxic masculinity, pop-punk, flawed protagonists trying to be better, Sk8ter Boy by Avril Lavigne but gay

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

Synopsis

Stonebridge High’s resident bad boy, Wesley “Big Mac” Mackenzie, is failing senior year—thanks to his unchecked anger, rowdy friends, and a tendency to ditch his homework for skateboarding and a secret photography obsession. So when his mom drags him to a production of The Nutcracker, Wes isn’t interested at all . . . until he sees Tristan Monroe. Mr. Nutcracker himself.

Wes knows he shouldn’t like Tristan; after all, he’s a ballet dancer, and Wes is as closeted as they come. But when they start spending time together, Wes can’t seem to get Tristan out of his head. Driven by a new sense of purpose, Wes begins to think that—despite every authority figure telling him otherwise—maybe he can change for the better and graduate on time.

As a falling out with his friends becomes inevitable, Wes realizes that being himself means taking a stand—and blowing up the bad-boy reputation he never wanted in the first place.

Content warnings

Explicit language

Bullying

Alcoholism

Underage drinking

Racism (as experienced by a Black love interest)

Past domestic abuse

Childhood trauma

Smoking (cigarettes + weed)

Homophobia

Physical violence

Review

Why'd Wes have to go and make things so complicated 😔🤘

I hadn't expected to, but I found myself relating to Wes quite a bit. His experience of being labelled as a bad kid, and then only being seen as such without being given the chance to break that expectation, as well as his feelings of anger and fear and powerlessness, that no one wants to listen to him, that he can't open up to people, that he's inferior and will never amount to anything, took me right back to primary and secondary school lmao. (I'm so glad I'm not a teenager anymore.)

I also empathise with how awkward Wes feels around Tristan, or when he's trying to talk to people who aren't his friends; not knowing the right thing to say, or when he says something that comes off as angrier or meaner than he intends—that's literally me, baby!

A part I don't relate to is the bullying. Wes is like, a legit bully, like pushing kids into the lockers like in american high school movies kind of bully. While he's not the main aggressor among his friends, it still kind of hurt to read about how he hurt people in the past. I liked how his character arc developed, with him facing up to his actions and apologising to his victims, although I do think he was forgiven pretty easily; I personally would have held a grudge until I died, but good for them!

At the start of the book I was worried that this would be a whole "find a bf and magically all your problems are fixed!" kind of story, but while Tristan is definitely a motivating factor for Wes to improve himself, I really appreciate that Wes was the one who decided to take initiative and begin the first steps to becoming better.

There's layers of complexity to Wes and Tristan's relationship, because (a) Tristan is Black, and so deals with racism that Wes could never understand, (b) Tristan is out and Wes is not, (c) Tristan is a perfectionist and has a goal and life plans, while Wes is flunking high school with no plans to apply for college, (d) Wes had an abusive childhood, and Tristan has loving supportive parents, and (e) Wes is poor and Tristan is wealthy.

These are a lot of issues to handle in one book, and while I feel like the author does a good job discussing and resolving most of these elements, there's one point that I feel didn't get fully resolved, and that's the wealth disparity between them. Wes is super aware of this, he constantly notices the differences between the way they live, which makes him feel self-conscious around Tristan.

Spoiler warning, but at one point Tristan dresses Wes up in like a pricey cardigan and a polo shirt to meet his parents, and later Wes is furious and leaves early because he feels out of place and insecure, and that Tristan is trying to change who he is. Later, they talk and Wes comes to the conclusion that he was over-reacting, which, yeah, he was. But Tristan never apologises and is like "you know I would never have made you change your clothes if I knew it would make you feel bad!" He also makes fun of one of Wes's friends, and Wes wonders if part of the reason why he doesn't want to introduce Tristan to his friends was because he felt embarrassed.

I feel like this is a pretty big deal, and an obvious source of tension, that doesn't seem to get fully resolved. Most of Wes and Tristan's discussions about their relationship revolve around Wes apologising, but Tristan, even though he never does so intentionally, never apologises for making Wes feel inferior in this aspect.

I also feel that Tristan was kind of one-dimensional. From Wes's perspective, Tristan is perfect and flawless, and he puts him on a pedestal, while Wes is the one messing up. Tristan's only flaw, as far is I can tell, is that he struggles with anxiety, but he never seems to show it to Wes, for all that he encourages Wes to be emotionally vulnerable with him. I would have liked it if Tristan messed-up, or needed Wes to support him or comfort him in some way (Wes does support him, at near the ending, but that doesn't really count), to balance out their relationship a bit, instead of always having Tristan encouraging him, and having Wes mess up and make up for it.

The climax of this book gets really chaotic, huge shit goes down, like life-ruining shit. He manages to work it all out in the end, but I feel that it came way too easily, especially the problems he had with his friends. I feel like it got dismissed as some sort of misunderstanding, like Wes was the one making a big deal out of nothing. Afterwards, he and his friends talk it out very maturely, but where was all that maturity when shit was going down!!

I realise that a lot of my review sounds like I'm complaining, but this is really worth a read! The way this book discusses toxic masculinity, emotional vulnerability, dealing with trauma (because Wes is very clearly traumatised) is so well-done, and you can tell from the author's note that he put a lot of love and thought into this book. I would discuss this more but this review would get very spoilery.

To finish off this review, here are some nitpicks! These are minor details and do not affect the overall story! Some of these are purely personal issues I have that may not apply to other people!

Wes is stated to be a punk, and a lot of this book (the title, the chapter titles, the marketing) is about pop-punk, or scene music in general. But Wes doesn't seem to listen to pop-punk? The only band he mentions listening to is Metallica, which, last I checked, is a metal band. He wears a Linkin Park t-shirt once (huge slay) and mentions the My Chemical Romance reunion (double slay), but that's about it. He seems to be more of a metalhead tbh, which there's nothing wrong with, but I was hoping for more pop-punk references. (This sounds greedy, since almost every chapter title is a pop-punk reference, and I did appreciate that, but I wanted more!!)

I didn't vibe with the audiobook narrator. I'm kind of (very) picky about audiobooks, so the fact that I didn't dnf shows that he did a decent job at least, but I feel like he missed the mark on narrating the dialogue. Sometimes I couldn't tell the difference between Wes's internal narration and when he was actually speaking which was confusing, and the narrator also read everything in this sad, hesitant sort of voice, which works for the overall vibe of the story, but makes the happy, lighthearted moments in the book feel sad as well.

Minor spoiler, Wes's mom got him and his friends tickets to see Metallica, but later they start growing apart and the concert is never mentioned again (unless I somehow missed it?), so its unclear if they did go to the Metallica concert. I need to know if they went, because if they skipped out on it due to their beef, I will be very sad on their behalf.

[mjworksinprogress]

i have to cope with the fact that as an adult i’m a slow reader but here’s a list of everything i finished this year so far

The Atlas Paradox by Olivie Blake (listened on Audible)

I loved the first book but the others in the series are taking me a bit longer to get through. I’m still a fan though! I find some chapters harder to sit through than others just cause I have my favorite POVs. Still, a more urban fantasy is my jam and I love when magic is incorporated into the real world. Need to finish book three. Currently have 11 hours left.

Love, Theoretically by Ali Hazelwood (Listened to on Spotify)

I can totally understand if her books are not your cup of tea. I find her romances to just be good unserious fun. There are just times when you need to read something a bit silly and Hazelwood hits the spot. Jack Smith is also a dreamboat, which helps.

If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio

Such a good mystery. Good Dark Academia vibes. I truly love Oliver as a character. Was aI annoyed by the constant quoting of Shakespeare? Yes. But that was intentional. As a reformed theater kid, yes, I cringed, but it’s a good reminder that nothing is ever that serious. And maybe you shouldn’t let the drama nerds be isolated. I also really appreciated the exploration of type casting and how it affects actors. Most of it was really subtle, but it’s so ingrained in the theater world that it’s glossed over in real life as well, even if we all know it’s happening.

A Psalm for the Wild Built by Becky Chambers

LOVE LOVE LOVE This book was such a comfort to me. I have so much anxiety about technology and climate change that the reminder of a possible future where humans make the right decisions was so needed. I feel like I read it at the perfect time.

[absolutebl]

This Week In BL - I’m All Over The Place & Sarcastic About It

Nov 2022 Wk 1

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying the most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

My Only 12% (Fri iQIYI) 13 of 14 - Cake is such a bratty seme. And we got incandescently happy boyfriends for half an episode, and then Earth gets to cry. Earth always cries. Good thing he’s pretty at it. I do actually like the noona romance. Sometimes even the hets get to me. Because I'm a sap. And I love a pining younger man. I actually really really loved the bit at the end with the two mothers. It’s really rare to see that level of older adult character representation and close female friendship in a BL.

Big Dragon (Sat Gaga) 5 of 8 - Oh, I knew this was going to get rough but I didn’t think they would actually fist fight. It’s interesting that this one is up against Falanruk, because I hated the two player system in that one, but I’m fine with it in this show. There’s a touch of TharnType or maybe more KinnPorsche with Mangkorn & Yai, that they pivot so quickly from violence to sex, hate to passion. Real enemies to lovers with all that bottled up passion destined to explode one way or the other. The sex in this show is similarly treated as a kind of violence, in a kinky way. Also it’s v high heat. But from a romance thread standpoint? The way these two are dodging about each other is just frustrating. Also... NO SINGING! 

Ai Long Nhai (Mon iQIYI) 6 of 10 - Baby’s first jealousy. But omg is this show slow. I think it’s fair for Ai to want Nhai to actually say something positive about their relationship. I like that these 2 talk fully about sex before having it. And now it’s a secret relationship. (I do keep imagining what Mike & TT would have done with these roles.) Oh HI Games! (Second Chance). Cutie! This sudden side dish is v good, gimme MOAR? CRUMBS. @heretherebedork​ CRUMBS! 

Ghost Host, Ghost House (Weds YouTube) 5 of 8 - Wait, who are these girls allasudden? I guess they are Kewin’s fag hags? I suppose every good gay does need a coven? Especially if ghosts are involved.

Makes me wonder who I’d draft for my BL coven... hum. I sense a meme coming on.

Remember Me (Sun Gaga) 4 of 12 - Mean’s wig is so terrible. Yes, I realize that’s intentional. But still, too distracting. Props shouldn’t be required to do your comedic acting for you, honey. I really do like the actor who plays Champ, and I really want him to lead out his own BL. (If he wants to of course.) I’m so glad JaFirst are finally occupying the screen together. They’re just that much better when they’re TOGETHER. 

Love in the Air (Thurs iQIYI) 12 of 13 These two do heat so well. Ugh but the dairy reading “reconciliation” scene was truly gross. This show. Why is the villian the seme? Look, sorry Thailand, Japan can do this, you just... can’t. It’s clumsy and makes anyone with half an empathy uncomfortable. - DUMPSTER FIRE TRASH WATCH ALONG HERE.

Hard Love Mission (Sat WeTV) 3 of 4fin - Phenomenally dull Thai pulp about a journalist sent to interview a celebrity who ends up his manager, only 4 episodes and it still could’ve been shorter. It’s a bummer, the concept wasn’t bad. ALSO Chinese censorship got its gross mitts all over it (thank you, Tencent). Do not waste your time. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I’M WATCHING AND NEITHER DOES IT 3/10 

Work from Heart (Thurs YouTube) 7fin - Just lovely, all the hets are getting married! How rare and special of them. How lucky they are. But I have no idea what’s going on with our leads. It’s very Romeo & Romeo allasudden. And the grandpa is v confusingly evil. Great chemistry, but like Check Out, just a terrible story and an ultimately unfathomable BL. 4/10 FATALLY FLAWED

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

My Tooth Your Love (Taiwan Fri Viki) 5 of 12 - These leads! Best example of the pillow clutch trope ever? I think so. World’s most gentle flirts. Seriously: The Ache. We dealing with some serious abandonment issues. Meanwhile, in the land of May/December, baby boy kabedon is my kryptonite! (Also the name of my indie band’s first single.) I identify WAY too much with the bartender character. He pretty much opens his mouth and says what I’m thinking 90% of the time. 

“Someone’s lack of defenses can be so overwhelming.” - Best BL quote of 2022? May be. 

Choco Milk Shake (Korea Strongberry Tues YT) 3-4 of 10 - postponed until next week. Read about why here. 

Roommates of Poongduck 304 (Korea Thurs Viki) 7-8fin. Ah regrets after a drunken gay pass. Also: killer confrontation confession scene with them both so torn and confused and hurt and unsure! Brilliant. It’s so cute after, with them soft & cute with each other as experimental bfs. JaeYun having fangirls was adorbs, and HoJoon dealing with the resulting jealousy was fun to watch. Also HoJoon is so gone and so inept and uncool about it. And then JaeYoon learns who HoJoon really is. Man this show moves FAST. Ah KBL. I wish we had more time with these characters. I would have liked sweet bfs for longer. And Holland is back, such an adorable plot device. Hi, cutie! The reconciliation/confession was good. How much do I love that the final make-out scene was precipitated by the eroticism of informal language? SO MUCH. V linguistically sexy. FInal review below. 

Kabe Koji (Japan Mon Viki) 5 of 10 - This is going to be weird sounding coming from me but I think what I’ve decided that this show is just too much manga. Not yaoi per say but MANGA. Like, aggressively MANGA. I was thinking as I watched, “This singing group is comically bad.” Then I realized, “Oh that’s intentional, like the credit sequences for ABL - they are meant to be.” And then I realized: Every part of this show is a parody. Not the same as ABLon the whole, but similar in its components: The idol group is a parody of all idol groups. The high school drama is a parody of all high school dramas. The otaku mangaka is a parody of all otaku mangaka. The yaoi is a parody of all yaoi. And the BL of all BL. In the end, this entire show is just Japan messing with us. And frankly I’m beginning to enjoy it for that when I actually dont’ enjoy it as a BL at all. Again, like ABL.  

Eternal Yesterday AKA Eien no Kino (Japan Thurs Gaga) 3 of 8 - I do enjoy the credit music on this one. Backstory ep: so we get to watch them fall in love. Goodie. Pain for all! Or more, watch Mitchan fall and be confused, since Koichi is already utterly gone. Argh! Why does Japan always spend its best pennies on pain? A truly glorious confession scene, and then... a dead fish kiss. For which I’m actually strangely grateful. Frankly, if they also managed the physical chemistry in this show, it’d totally destroy me. This way I’m going to be only mildly destroyed. *whimper* 

It’s Airing But I’m Not Watching It

War of Y 20 eps - it’s just all too much for me.

My Roommate 32 eps of 2 minutes each + terrible production values? - I’m not bothering.

Fahlanruk (Sun GaGa) 12 eps - I cut my losses at ep 5. DNF

To Sir With Love AKA Khun Chai 28 eps - dito

2 Moons 3 Thai (Mon ??) 10 eps - Possibly a future binge watch. Rumor is it’s banal.

SELF (Thurs YT) - DNF

Love Bill  (Vietnam Sat YT) 1of ? - Bah Vinh is back but I’m too distracted. Also there’s a lot of fund raising and stuff going on. Thinking I’ll wait and binge.

In Case You Missed It

Roommates of Poongduck 304 (Korea Viki) quick pitch:

This is a solid little office set KBL about a rich kid who ends up both the boss and tenant of a total sweetheart cutie, and falls madly in love with him. Although the show suffered from KBL’s shorter length, I love the kissable lips pair, they deliver solid all round chemistry despite limited screen time, which is rare from Korea. So I hope they stay branded and we get even more from them in the future. Ultimately I recommend this show, a solid  8/10.

If Japan didn’t dominate the office BL niche with shows like Cherry Magic and Old Fashion Cupcake this BL probably would get higher marks for me. But it’s a difficult hill to climb (although I’m delighted to see Korea try). Even though Japan and Korea often give us the same length shows, I feel the brevity in the Korean stuff in a way that I don’t with the Japanese stuff. Frankly I think it’s Japan’s sophisticated cinematography facilitating the complexity required by shortness (what’s left out has to be implied by the lens and the acting) where Korea’s more commercial and simplistic style (which works great in longer Kdramas or something like Light On Me) falls short (pun intended) with their short KBLs. 

OH, and here’s a special extra extended kissing scene for this pair, just for extra proof on chemistry. 

I’m finishing up my UWMA rewatch today.

Gossip

Much anticipated office set Thai GL GAP the series will have 12 eps and will premier on Nov 19 on Idolfactory’s (SCOY) official youtube channel. Go subscribe, now. Trailer here. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

TOMORROW! Between Us (Sun iQIYI & YouTube?) - trailer here 

Tuesday: I Will Knock You (Tues Gaga) - Bad boy/good boy + sunshine/grumpy + younger seme pairing.

LITA & 12% finish. 

Nov 2022 line up:

Nov 18: I Will Knock You (Fri Gaga) A college kid & tutor confronts the leader of a gang who then turns out to be his next student. Bad boy/good boy + sunshine/grumpy, + younger seme pairing, bully romance?. Adapted from korean_rabbit's y-novel of the same name, directed by Champ (2gether).

Nov 19: GAP the series (Sat YT) - 12 ep office set GL from Thailand. 

Nov 26: 609 Bedtime Story (?? WeTV) - another OhmFluke vehicle that’s rumored to be a good story. A one night stand leads to a series of mysterious premonitions and a possible parallel universe. 

Nov ??: My School President (?? GMMTV YT) initial trailer here - it’s Love Sick + Korea & Japan's influence. 

This week’s best moments?

That’s one way of putting it honey. (Tooth) 

Baby’s first kabedon! (Tooth)

Meanwhile, in the land of Big Dragon, they trying on Taiwan for size (that’s what he said). 

The mosquito trope returns with a vengeance this week! 

Is it a WinTeam foreshadow from the whole Thai BL industry? 

Might be! 

TOMORROW!

Rise up broccoli nation! 

This weeks earworm: Kang Daniel’s Parade 

(last week) 

[simcardiac-arrested]

seeing you talk about russian literature is always so interesting to me because there’s not too much of it in polish schools. and i’m here like Damn what did i miss. maybe i shouldn’t have complained about mickiewicz

i did enjoy the few things they made us read, like crime and punishment or master and margarita.but hang in there for real o7

it’s like. the thing is it’s not even The Worst. it’s not downright unreadable and like i’m sure all of it is Classic(tm) for a reason and hell i even enjoyed reading some of it, like fathers and sons by turgenev. it’s just that when you’re forced to study the same 6 russian authors and over and over again it starts driving you MAD. like it is actually MADDENING. and after 11 years of studying a few 19th century russian novels you start to Get It: this shit is all the same. it’s literally allllll the fucking same u dont even gotta read it. Like i didn’t read crime and punishment OR war and peace (which is like THEEE russian novel) because i was too hyperfixated on my ocs to even Care About Checking Their Summaries. i didnt know anything. but u know what ? i just pulled things out of my ass and reached logical conclusions and literally just bullshitted my way through (They just let anyone graduate frfr) BECAUSE U KNOW WHAT? AFTER 11 YEARS ? U start to realize it’s alllllll the same fucking shit. it’s all the same shit no matter which russian novel u read. it’s always about how love good. OR NO ! love BAD. love HURTS and it KILLS. CHECK THIS OUT! CONVOLUTED LOVE TRIANGLE WHERE THE TWO MEN HAVE A STRANGELY CLOSE HOMOEROTIC RELATIONSHIP! no one is happy. Everyone is really depressed and wants to die. LOVE INTEREST ALERT! SHE IS EITHER GENUINELY 13 OR 18-20 BUT IS STILL DESCRIBED IN SUCH AN INFANTILIZING AND WEIRD WAY AND ACTS LIKE A GENUINE 13 YEAR OLD SO YOU WILL STILL FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE !! Love good tho. oh no sorry nvermind love makes everyone go insane and kill themselves. This character is on a perpetual downward spiral ! new generation GOOD. they have good ideas and they r smart and revolution good . Nvm i changed my mind new generation BAD because they care about NOTHING they invented NIHILISM and now don’t listen to adults. BAZINGA !!! ANOTHER CONVOLUTED ROMANCE WITH WEIRD UNDERTONES !!!!!!!! war bad. Did u know that ? war is bad. and scary. Unless we’re writing about how russia won LOL then war GOOD and SO EPIC !!!! AND THESE RUSSIAN DUDES WRECKED EVERYONE !!! but war bad ok ? promise u will remember war bad. Umm what else. oh! we’re killing ourselves again. ok. did u know the government is corrupt? did u? what if we wrote like 4037394 stories about just that . hold on what the FUCK this love interest is a ….. i cant even say it ……. p p p prostitute …..!!!!! MY GOD !!!!!!! THIS CANT BE HAPPENING !!!! SHE IS SO SICK AND IMPURE WE MUST KILL HER IMMEDIATELY. this character is steadily developing psychosis of some kind. Remember that new generation good unless they’re wrong then they’re bad. what’s the point of life ???? what’s the meaning ?????? let’s find out in this 500k word novel where the character falls in love wiyh a 13 year old and goes to war and then kills himself or something

[ireadyabooks]

5 Books That NEED to Be in Your Beach Bag! 🏖️🌞

All year we have been dreaming about laying out on the beach reading a swoony romance that sets our heats ablaze and the time has finally come! Grab the sunscreen, your favorite pair of sunglasses, and the next book you’ll be raving about to all of your friends! Not sure what book to pack in your beach bag? No worries, we’ve put together our top five books that we’re relaxing in the sand with this summer! Happy reading!

Okay, Cupid by Mason Deaver

From the bestselling author of I Wish You All the Best, the story of a cupid who thinks they know everything about love . . . until they fall in love themselves.

As a cupid, Jude thinks they understand love a little bit more than the average human. It makes sense -- Jude's been studying love their whole teen life. And, yes, there have been some bumps in the road, and they're currently on probation for doing something that they absolutely, definitely shouldn't have done . . . but they're ready to prove they can make matches without ever getting involved.

Only . . . Jude's next assignment isn't about setting up two adults. No, this time Jude has to go to high school, with kids their own age. And the assignment is a tough one: two best friends who are meant to be more than just best friends . . . but who aren't currently speaking to each other after a huge falling out.

Jude thinks they've got this one all under control, and that they won't get involved whatsoever.

Which proves that maybe Jude hasn't learned the first lesson of humans and love . . . It’s complicated.

Start reading Okay, Cupid now!

I Hope This Doesn’t Find You by Ann Liang

Unforgettable, snarky, and romantic, I Hope This Doesn't Find You is Never Have I Ever meets To All the Boys I've Loved Before if Lara Jean wrote hate emails instead of love letters.

Sadie Wen is perfect on paper: school captain, valedictorian, and a "pleasure to have in class." It's not easy, but she has a trick to keep her model-student smile plastered on her face at all times: she channels all her frustrations into her email drafts. She'd never send them of course -- she'd rather die than hurt anyone's feelings -- but it's a relief to let loose on her power-hungry English teacher or a freeloading classmate taking credit for Sadie's work.

All her most vehemently worded emails are directed at her infuriating cocaptain, Julius Gong, whose arrogance and competitive streak have irked Sadie since they were kids. "You're attention starved and self-obsessed and unbearably vain . . . I really hope your comb breaks and you run out of whatever expensive hair products you've been using to make your hair appear deceptively soft . . ."

Sadie doesn't have to hold back in her emails, because nobody will ever read them . . . that is, until they're accidentally sent out.

Overnight, Sadie's carefully crafted, conflict-free life is turned upside down. It's her worst nightmare -- now everyone at school knows what she really thinks of them, and they're not afraid to tell her what they really think of her either. But amidst the chaos, there's one person growing to appreciate the "real" Sadie -- Julius, the only boy she's sworn to hate . . . 

Start reading I Hope This Doesn’t Find You now!

Heartstopper by Alice Oseman

Boy meets boy. Boys become friends. Boys fall in love. A sweet and charming coming-of-age story that explores friendship, love, and coming out. Now streaming on Netflix!

Shy and softhearted Charlie Spring sits next to rugby player Nick Nelson in class one morning. A warm and intimate friendship follows, and that soon develops into something more for Charlie, who doesn't think he has a chance.

But Nick is struggling with feelings of his own, and as the two grow closer and take on the ups and downs of high school, they come to understand the surprising and delightful ways in which love works.

Start reading Heartstopper now!

Stepping Off by Jordan Sonnenblick

Jesse Dienstag's favorite sweatshirt says, "The real world isn't real." That's the slogan of the vacation-home community in Pennsylvania where his family has always spent every vacation and weekend for as long as he can remember. In the summer of 2019, as Jesse is about to enter his junior year of high school in New York City, he desperately wants to believe the slogan is true. For one thing, the two girls he loves -- equally and desperately -- are in Pennsylvania, and all the stresses and pressures of his daily life and school are in New York.

But when his parents stop talking to each other, it gets harder and harder for Jesse to maintain his dream life in Pennsylvania. And when Covid shuts New York City down in March 2020 just days after Jesse’s mother leaves his father, Jesse's worlds collide.

Start reading Stepping Off now!

London On My Mind by Clara Alves

Red, White & Royal Blue meets A Cuban Girl's Guide to Tea and Tomorrow in this unlikely London romance by debut author Clara Alves!

Sixteen-year-old Dayana has always dreamed of visiting London -- to walk along the Thames, take pictures outside Buckingham Palace, and maybe even get a glimpse of Arthur, Prince of Wales, whose marriage has been all over tabloids. But the trip of her dreams turns into a royal nightmare when her mother passes away. Now, Day must leave Rio de Janeiro to live with her estranged father and his new family in London.

As it turns out, the U.K. isn't exactly Day's cup of tea. She struggles to forgive her father for walking out on her and her mom all those years ago; fights with her stepsister constantly; detests her stepmother; and she can't even see One Direction in concert because they've been broken up for ages. All she wants to do is trade the rainy skies of London for the sun and beaches of Rio.

That's when she runs into the girl of her dreams -- literally: The coincidentally named Diana, a witty, funny, redhead who was in the middle of . . . escaping Buckingham Palace? Something isn't right here, but it makes Diana all the more alluring. As time passes, and the two girls grow closer, Day can't help but wonder if there is more than a little truth to the rumors surrounding Prince Arthur -- and if Diana might be involved somehow. Is it all in her head, or could Day be caught up in a real-life royal scandal?

Start reading London On My Mind now!

[aviesfics]

The Lake of Fire

Fandom: Hetalia

Characters: England, France

Ship: N/A (they're a little too young for romance here)

Tags and warnings: Canonverse, temporary character death/temporary child death, graphic description of injury, hurt/comfort. A short exploration of immortality.

Word count: 653

“That’s ridiculous. We’re at war. You have other things to worry about.”

“And yet here I am, worrying about you.”

Read below the cut or >here< on AO3.

Note:

The time period is vague, but they are both physically children - England around 9, France around 14. I've added some of my own thoughts on nations and death below the story if anyone is interested.

---

“Can’t you just rip it out?”

“I don’t know. I think your ribs have healed around it.”

“So? Just pull it.”

“It will hurt. A lot.”

“I don’t care.”

“You do, or you would have done it yourself.”

At that, England was silent - eyes averted, fiddling with the corners of a torn tunic. It was stuck to him - pinned by the dagger, glued by dried blood.

“When did this happen?”

“I don’t know. Five days ago, maybe six.”

“Idiot. You should have come sooner.”

France grabbed the dagger where it protruded from skin, and the hilt was warm. Body heat, fresh blood. England grimaced at his touch, but for a boy usually so fiery, he was oddly subdued.

“This is war. You’re not exactly flaunting your position.”

It must have been the pain. France knew how days of agony wore you away to nothing, and it angered him to see England this way. He surely went somewhere he shouldn’t have, meddled too directly in affairs - but still, for an adult to take a dagger and lance a child…

… Human cruelty. It was frequently beyond France’s understanding.

“You could have found me if you wanted to. These are your lands.”

“Can you get it out or not?”

Surrounding ruined metal was an angry mess of pulverised red flesh, where the blade had cut and nicked anew with every step, every movement, every twitch of a muscle. Inside was rotten black and venomous yellow - fat and muscle and pus, too, where infection was setting in.

It felt unfair. This was the enemy, but this was a child. This was a rival, but this was a friend. This was war, where everyone suffered, but at least there was an end to the suffering of mortals.

There was only one way this could go, and he’d known it, deep down, from the moment England had appeared in his tent with silver protruding from his core.

“Did you die when you first got this?”

“Yes.”

“How did you feel?”

“You know how death feels.”

“But how did you feel?”

“I’ll die again if you pull it out, won’t I?”

Now, France was silent. Only for a moment. England deserved his response.

“Yes. But if you tell me all the worst parts, I can try and make it not so bad.”

“There’s nothing to tell. I don’t fear death.”

A lie. France did not push the matter. It wasn’t the time, and he could guess, anyway, at what most frightened a proud child like England.

“If you say so. I’ll stay anyway. I’ll protect your body until you wake, however long that takes. No-one will touch you, or move you, or take you. I’ll keep you safe.”

“That’s ridiculous. We’re at war. You have other things to worry about.”

“And yet here I am, worrying about you.”

“You’re a rubbish enemy,” England was embarrassed. He turned away, pouting at a canvas wall. France saw an opportunity. “My king would hang me if I got as soft as y-”

With all his strength, knowing he could not afford for the blade to stick on bone, he pulled.

For a moment, England looked betrayed. Frightened. His eyes said it all, even if his mouth could not for the blood filling his throat.

“I’m sorry. I had to get it over with. Anticipation would have made it worse.”

The apology, presumably, was accepted, because when England collapsed it was into France’s open arms. He caught the boy easily, cradling him like an infant and muttering gentle reassurances.

“Hush, you’re safe. I’m here. No-one is going to hurt you.”

A cough, a wet gargle. A twitch, a shudder.

Not fair. He was just a child.

“There’s no air, I know. It’s okay. You’ll come back, remember? And I’ll still be here. I’ll watch over you. That’s a promise. I never break a promise.”

And at last, as life left him, England was still.

---

Note:

I imagine the nations don’t die very often as children. There are some executions, some tragic accidents, some incidents where they get mixed up in something they shouldn’t. Some are luckier than others - born in stable times and on peaceful lands. But they all know death, they’ve all experienced it, and it’s scary and unpleasant and a Very Big Deal.

As soon as they’re physically old enough to fight on the battlefield, they start dying frequently. Hundreds of times in a war (they are so very aware that they can come back and their warriors cannot, so they take dangerous positions and sacrifice themselves frequently), and sometimes multiple times in a battle (when one lasts long enough to allow it). Death starts to mean nothing. They begin worrying about each other little, and about themselves even less. 

(I’m generalising, of course, and there are outliers at both ends - those whose childhoods were particularly difficult - struggling to adulthood and dying all the way, those whose skill lies off the battlefield, those who are just particularly good at staying alive, those who are overly protected by their leaders or the nations closest to them, those who have reached adulthood and not faced major war, etc.).

[anitabyars]

All My Kisses For You by Monica Murphy is now live!

Monica Murphy goes back to Lancaster Prep with a new generation of Lancasters, kicking it off with the daughter of Crew and Wren from the BookTok sensation A Million Kisses in Your Lifetime…

Everyone loves Willow Lancaster.

She’s perfect. Perfect student, perfect style, perfect smile.

But when she returns to her beloved Lancaster Prep from a year abroad, everything has changed.

Her supposed best friend? Dating Willow’s longtime crush. The girls who worshipped her and wanted to be her? On to the new cliques―she’s old news.

And then there’s him. The new man on campus.

Rhett Bennett is gorgeous, charming…and 100% knows it.

He’s also the star quarterback and a player in every possible way.

Let’s just say the masses are OBSESSED.

Willow has always been the good girl. The one who behaves. She shouldn’t want him.

And yet...one taste of his kiss, and Willow is wondering if it’s time she changed, too. Maybe little miss perfect should be bad.

Just for him.

Download today or read for FREE with Kindle Unlimited

https://geni.us/ghiEu0V

Add to Goodreads: https://bit.ly/3HYWQYS

Meet Monica

Monica Murphy is a New York Times, USA Today, and international bestselling romance author. Her books have been translated in almost a dozen languages and have sold over two million copies worldwide. Both a traditionally published and independently published author, she writes young adult, new adult and contemporary romance.

A native Californian, she lives on fourteen acres in the middle of nowhere with her husband, son, their goofy dog, and three cats. When she’s not writing, she’s thinking about writing. Or reading. Or binge watching something.

Connect with Monica

Website: http://monicamurphyauthor.com

Goodreads: http://bit.ly/MonicaMurphyGR

Amazon: http://amzn.to/1YUl0Vm

Facebook: http://bit.ly/MonicaMurphyFB

Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/monicamurphyreadergroup/

Instagram: http://bit.ly/MonicaMurphyIG

Twitter: http://bit.ly/MonicaMurphyTW

Bookbub: http://bit.ly/2ZAthV1

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/msmonicamurphy/

Verve Romance: https://ververomance.com/app/monicamurphy

My Review

5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Fun, sweet, charming and so, so Hot! This is a teenage dream come true! This author is the master of the setup, she perfectly captures the push and pull, the yearning, the angst and the all consuming rush of first love in All My Kisses For You.

This is Rhett Bennett and Willow Lancaster’s journey and I never wanted this story to end. And this next generation of Lancaster characters didn’t disappoint! I loved all the cast and characters.

Willow is perfect. Always the good girl. A perfect student. Everyone loves her. But when she returns to Lancaster Prep after a year in Italy, everything is different. Her best friend is dating her longtime crush. And she feels lost. And then…there he is.

Rhett is the new man on campus, charming, sexy, attractive, and he knows it. He is the star quarterback of the new football team and a player in every way.

This book had me smiling, laughing, melting, swooning, as well as wiggling and squirming in my seat with every turn of the page.

“Maybe love isn’t part of the equation yet, but I can feel myself falling for him and I’m unable to stop it. I don’t want to stop it.”

Their chemistry crackles between them. Intoxicating, lust filled glances. But letting down her guard and letting someone in isn’t easy for Willow, but the more they are together the bolder she feels. And the more she thinks that maybe it’s time to be bad! To be Devoured. To be Worshiped. To be Loved.

I just couldn’t get enough of this story! And Rhett Bennett…oh my he is definitely at the top of my list for the Best book boyfriend! Yum!

Loved! Loved Loved It! And now I am in desperate need for the next one ASAP!

I received an early copy and this is my honest review.

[libertyreads]

Book Review #60 of 2023--

If I Never Met You by Mhairi McFarlane. Rating: 4 stars.

Read from May 16th to 19th.

I picked this one up at the library the other day only knowing that it’s a fake dating office romance. And to my surprise I found that I utterly loved these characters. Every one of them is so real and portrayed so well. I found them to be well rounded characters with flaws and judgments. I’ve heard no one talk about this one since it came out in 2020 and to my surprise I’ve found one of my favorite romances that I’ve read this year. It’s exactly where romance writing should be in this day and age while not being heavy handed. As well, not only is it fake dating, but we get my angst. My favorite combination.

The third act break up situation was realistic for the situation they were in, but was so hard for me to read. It felt like both characters reverted to who they were before everything and that felt like such a disservice to them. I think there had to have been a better way to make the third act breakup more realistic to who the characters had become. Yet, if that was the way it happened in the book, they probably would have taken a second to calm down and then discussed it like adults. So, I don’t know. Maybe the third act breakup shouldn’t have happened at all? Maybe they should have taken the outside attack as way to become stronger together? Even though that doesn’t give me nearly as much angst as I’m heart wants. I also kind of wish we had seen them go back to his hometown for Christmas. Is it completely unnecessary given the way the story wraps up? Yes. Do I want it anyway? Yes.

I’m still really enjoying using my library card to find gems like this one. So far this month I’ve read 10 books from the library (technically 11 but that extra one was a kid’s book called ‘Sleepy Sheepy’ so we don’t count it). And I think this is a great one to grab from a library if it’s there. Though now I’m sad I have to give it back.

[kingsbridgelibraryteens]

I posted 3,122 times in 2022

422 posts created (14%)

2,700 posts reblogged (86%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@bunnyreads

@everythingfox

@godzilla-reads

@hammondpubliclibrary

@cheshirelibrary

I tagged 928 of my posts in 2022

#fuzzy friday - 523 posts

#awwwww - 520 posts

#nypl - 258 posts

#kingsbridge library - 212 posts

#teen programs - 60 posts

#kid lit - 53 posts

#graphic novels - 52 posts

#middle school monday - 45 posts

#reluctant reader wednesday - 42 posts

#nyc - 40 posts

Longest Tag: 58 characters

#tristan strong punches a hole in the sky the graphic novel

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

As efforts to control books continue in Tennessee, a library in Nashville is pushing back with a bold new campaign: A card that says "I read banned books."

The Nashville Public Library is issuing 5,000 of the limited-edition cards — printed in bright yellow — to readers in Davidson County for close to a month.

19 notes - Posted May 14, 2022

#4

21 notes - Posted June 9, 2022

#3

Reluctant Reader Wednesday: Loveless by Alice Oseman 

Georgia loves the idea of romance, and she wishes that she could make that special connection with someone. But after kissing her longtime crush turns into a disaster, she thinks that maybe she’s just not meant for love. It’s not until she gets to college that she learns more about all of the ways that LGBTQIA+ people can identify, and she discovers that she fits into a category that many people can’t understand. But just because her life is complicated doesn’t mean that love is impossible.

Give this book to teens and adults who are interested in learning more about asexual/aromantic people, and any readers who love stories about characters learning to discover the truth about themselves.

23 notes - Posted April 27, 2022

#2

When Nave heard books were being challenged in school libraries across the country—a movement that eventually hit his own district—he got angry and started talking to his friends. Nave is part of a growing trend of teens responding to book challenges by creating banned book clubs.

They read books that have been historically banned, as well as the ones currently being challenged, and talk about how social context influences censorship. The clubs have become a way for students to make their voices heard in a debate usually dominated by adults. They are run through schools, bookstores, and teen centers across the country, including in Georgia, Pennsylvania, and Texas.

26 notes - Posted April 13, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Hey, Sandman fans! What’s old is new again!

“A book is a dream that you hold in your hands.”

Here's a bookmark featuring Neil Gaiman’s The Sandman, part of the American Library Association’s @ your library® series! And yes, these bookmarks are still available at the ALA store :)

61 notes - Posted August 13, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

Well, I guess it shouldn’t be much of a surprise that my top posts were about banned books, free books, Loveless by Alice Oseman, and The Sandman!

Thanks to my followers, to all the blogs I follow, and for all the other fans of books, libraries, and posts that can make your day a little brighter!

[gojosoath]

Wilted Grace — Nanami/Gojo Fic

MINORS DON’T INTERACT! // 18+ ONLY!

pairing: nanami kento x gojo satoru x fem!reader (uses she/her pronouns) x poly relationship

genre: romance x angst x smut x polyamory x AU (no sorcerer stuff in this au, nanami and gojo are just normal dudes living in a normal world, lol)

warnings: SA x smut x a bit of an age gap (everyone is a consenting adult fyi) x explicit language x blood/injury x glass x physical assault x mention of alcohol x alcoholism x drinking

Summary: (AU) The story follows Y/N, Nanami and Gojo in a polyamorous relationship; the three of them navigating the new dynamic relationship for the first time in their lives. The three of them begin exploring aspects both emotionally and sexually, finding themselves on a complex journey of facing their inner demons and also healing themselves.

DO NOT REPOST/COPY MY WORKS ANYWHERE ELSE. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED ©gojosoath

Table of Contents

a/n: If you'd like to be part of the taglist, just comment on this post. Must be 18+ to be part of taglist, thank you.

taglist: @adequate-superstar ;

Part 4: No Regrets (wc: 3.9k)

You and Nanami were busy for the next couple of days with your mundane, routine lives. You went to classes, grabbed coffee, and stayed out late to study at the library with your friends. Nanami woke up at the same time every day, had his coffee before work, and would get out of work close to eight in the night. Usually, you stay up late studying which always ended up in you getting distracted on your phone. Nanami usually stayed up late, too, spending it mostly reading, and sometimes he’d watch television as well. Just like Gojo, Nanami was oddly enough into shitty reality shows. No one would guess from first glance that Nanami would be the type to watch reality shows, but he found them easy to watch and the reason they were stupid is what kept his attention. Though ever since the two of you had gone on your first date, the main reason why the two of you stayed up late was because you two were texting or talking on the phone.

Over the phone, Nanami says, “Shouldn’t you take time to study?”

You smile and toss your strawberry plushie up in the air, catching it back in your hand. The plushie was something you had won at a carnival game back in your senior year of high school. “I already studied,” You replied, “I got all my homework done.”

Nanami lightly sighs, “Okay, I want to make sure you don’t fall behind in your classes.”

The plushie falls onto your face and bounces to the side, you roll to your side and hug the plushie, “I won’t, don’t worry. I appreciate your concern, how was work?”

Nanami mutters, “I’m still at work.”

Now it’s your turn to sigh, “Nanami, go home,” You sit up in bed and pull your legs to your chest, “you should like, you know, go home, maybe order some pizza. Just relax, please…baby.” You hold your breath, this was the first time either of you has called one another an endearing pet name. There’s silence over the phone, for a split moment, you think he’s not there anymore, “Nanami?”

“Yes, sorry,” He responds, “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting that, it’s okay, though. I like it…”

You let out a small laugh, “Baby, please get home.”

“I’ll go home in an hour, okay?”

“What’s the address of where you work?”

“Why?”

“Because I want to hang out with you until you’re done with work,” You state, “can I?”

“I’m afraid you’d get bored,” Nanami mentions.

You shake your head, “I won’t, because you’ll be there.”

“How will you get here?”

You shrug your shoulders, “An Uber.”

“Sweetheart,” Nanami begins, his pet name making your body awake with butterflies, “I don’t want you wasting money just to come and see me work.”

“I want to see you,” You insist, “I don’t care if I have to spend some money to grab an Uber, it’ll be worth it.”

“If you let me pay for your ride, you can come over,” Nanami says.

You bite your bottom lip, “Sounds good to me.”

Nanami sat at his desk, stunned, staring at his computer screen, speechless of what had just happened. If someone told him he would be doing this, he would have never believed it. He was aching to see you even though it had only been a week since the last time the two of you saw each other which was back during the drive. Since Nanami always stayed late to get extra work done, his boss deeply entrusted Nanami with the office. Nanami felt giddy and nervous, for the first time in his life, he felt like he was experimenting, pushing his boundaries. You seemed to have that effect on him; he wanted to try everything he’s never tried before.

You texted Nanami when you arrived and Nanami took the elevator downstairs to let you inside the building. You were wearing a long sleeve crop top that exposed your midriff with wide jeans and an oversize cardigan thrown over it. You two greet one another by hugging, the two of you standing in the lobby with your arms around one another. Nanami doesn’t have his blazer on, he has a light blue colored button-up on, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows that drive you crazy. He smells like his usual self, a woodsy vanilla scent that never fails to make the world spin for you. The way Nanami hugs you is different from the first time you two first hugged; he holds you firmly, your cheek pressed against his chest and he leans down to kiss the top of your head.

“Let’s go upstairs,” Nanami says against your hair, “you said you’d watch me work, remember?”

You chuckle, “Yes, let’s go.”

Nanami and you get into the elevator, where Nanami leans against one side, his hands resting on either side of him on the elevator rim. You mirror his actions, crossing your legs and looking at Nanami as you two begin going up.

You lean your head against the elevator wall and comment, “You look sexy in your business clothes.”

Nanami’s eyes widen at your compliment, followed by his face becoming a light pink, “Thank you,” He says sheepishly, looking over to the side, and then adds quietly, “You look sexy, too.”

The elevator reaches the floor and Nanami guides you over to his desk. You were in awe at the large windows and the view of the city lights below. Nanami’s desk was obvious, as his desk was the only one with the computer screen lit up and papers scattered on his desk. Nanami pulled a chair for you and set it by his, you took a seat and Nanami did the same.

“So what do you exactly do here?”

“A bunch of stuff, right now I’m organizing a list of stocks,” Nanami explains to you.

You look over at his computer screen, the numbers look unreadable to you, “This shit looks so confusing.” Nanami lightly chuckles and he fiddles with his fingers, “Okay, I’ll let you work, go ahead.”

Nanami lightly nods his head and swivels in his chair so he’s facing the computer now. He goes away to typing and clicking away at his computer, and you naturally find yourself leaning against his arm. Neither of you says anything, you two enjoy each other’s company this way; no need for words to be spoken. In between clicks and typing, Nanami turns his head to the side and gives you a light kiss on top of your head.

You close your eyes and let yourself say, “I want my first kiss to be with you, Nanami.”

The sound of typing stops, and Nanami says, his voice deep, “Are you sure?”

You open your eyes and look up at him, he’s already looking down at you, “Yes, I’m sure.”

Nanami swallows, his Adam’s apple rising up and then back down, “Right now?”

You nod your head and say softly, “Yes, right now.”

Nanami sets the keyboard forward and gathers the papers over his desk into a pile. You lean off of him and Nanami pushes himself slightly away from the desk, “Wanna sit?” He pats the top of the desk where he made the space for you.

You feel blood rush between your legs and sheepishly nod your head. You can’t help but feel slightly nervous and hop onto the desk, legs spread so Nanami is sitting between them. Nanami’s hands go to your hips, and your hands rest on his shoulders. Your heart is racing and you let out a shaky breath.

“I’m right here,” Nanami reassures you, “let’s take our time.”

You nod your head and let out a nervous laugh, “Sorry, it’s not that you’re making me nervous, I’m just nervous about kissing in general…”

“It’s okay,” Nanami tucks your hair behind your ear, making you slightly shiver “I was nervous for my first kiss, too.”

“What was your first kiss like?” You ask him.

“It was nice,” He tells you.

Your eyes avert all over the place, feeling shy to look at him in the eyes all of a sudden. Nanami places his thumb under your chin and guides it so you’re both looking into each other’s eyes. “Just breathe,” Nanami says in a low tone, his voice wrapping around you like a warm blanket, “we can stop anytime you want to.”

You shake your head, “I don’t want to,” you whisper, “I want to kiss you.”

“I do, too,” The both of you get closer, noses bumping with one another.

“I touched myself last night thinking about you,” You admit to him, your hands are on either side of his neck.

Nanami lets out a small groan, “You’re so beautiful.”

Your lips touch, the new sensation of someone’s lips on yours is surprising to you, it’s so brand new it feels like a new level of discovering how to breathe. At first, neither of you move, you’re not entirely sure how to move your lips. Nanami guides it, he kisses you, it feels like a peck and you copy his movements; puckering your lips and pecking his lips back. His hands move to cup your face and the kiss slowly and gently deepens, moving his head to the side. You follow his movements, this was so strange, you kissing someone for the first time, but strange in a really good way. You pull back, feeling like you need to catch your breath.

Nanami asks you, “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” You say to him, “sorry, it’s just a little weird.”

Nanami smiles gently at you, his thumb tracing small circles on your cheek, “It’s a little weird at first.”

You chuckle, “Yeah, not used to having someone’s lips on mine, you know?”

Nanami chuckles as well, “I felt the same way with my first kiss, too.”

The two of you look at one another adoringly, taking each other’s features in. You two lean in again and begin kissing. The kiss this time feels more confident coming from you, you move your head to the side, your lips fitting in with one another quite perfectly. You don’t realize how quickly the kiss deepens to the point where you’re wrapping your legs around Nanami’s torso, pulling him in closer so that he has to stand up. His chest collides with yours, your arms around his neck, his body this close to yours makes you realize how deeply you want to drown into him. You feel something new, Nanami’s tongue slipping in yours. The sensation of his tongue in yours weirds you out at first.

Nanami pulls back, both of you breathing heavily, “Is that okay?”

You answer him by leaning in to kiss him again, and this time, you shove your tongue inside his mouth. You’re not entirely sure what you’re doing, but what you do know is that you want him, you need him, close, closer…

Yet again, something new, you feel his hardened groin between your legs. Your initial thought is; holy shit, that’s hard. You lean back, Nanami’s hand going down to your lower back to support you. You feel safe, and you want Nanami to do whatever he wants with you. Your tongues swirl with one another, Nanami sticks his tongue further down your mouth that you’re surprised someone else’s tongue can go down that far.

You both moan against each other’s mouths and pull back, resting each other’s foreheads against one another. Nanami’s breath fans against your mouth, and then he pulls you in for a hug, his face resting in the crook of your neck.

“Are you okay?” He asks against your neck.

You give him a light squeeze with your arms, “Yes, and you?”

Nanami gives your neck a peck with his lips, “Yes.”

“Nanami,” You say, making him pull back so both of you are at eye level, “I’m turned on right now.”

Nanami lets out a breathy laugh and leans in to peck your lips, “That’s okay, sweetheart.”

“No,” You interject, “I want to…”

Nanami’s eyes scan your face, eyebrows furrowed, “What is it, love?”

You let out a small moan, “Watch me…” Your breath is ragged since you’re already pressing your palm against your clothed crotch, “watch me, touch myself….”

Nanami’s eyes widened at your request, “We don’t need to go that fast, Y/N.”

“No, no,” You’re surprised at how needy you’ve become, but you can’t help it, you have this strong sensation to already take your clothes off for Nanami. “I want you to watch me.”

Nanami’s eyes go down to where you’re touching yourself through your pants, “I’m afraid this will be too fast for you.”

You grab his face, making him look at you, “No, you make me feel safe.”

“Y/N,” He grabs your face back, “I don’t want you to have any regrets.”

You smile, “I won’t have any regrets because it’s with you.”

Nanami feels himself melt at your words, what in the world is this? Is this sort of fiery connection possible? Why does he feel he’s known you his whole life? Like you two have been together for multiple lifetimes? He rests his forehead against yours and says, “Please stop anytime you want to.”

You promise him, “I will.”

Nanami takes a seat back into his chair, his arms moving to underneath your thighs. He looks up at you with endearment as your fingers unbutton your pants and unzip them. You shift as you try to pull down your pants, “Sorry,” You fumble with trying to push them down. Nanami gives you a hand and pulls them down until they’re completely off. He sets them on top of his stack of papers.

You lean your hips further towards him, “Take these off as well,” referring to your underwear.

Nanami is about to take off your underwear until there’s the sound of the elevator doors opening. Both of you scramble, Nanami helping you quickly get dressed and him readjusting the keyboard and papers. You two try to act as natural as possible by getting back into the chairs, you’re trying to straighten out your hair while Nanami adjusts his tie.

“Hey!” Gojo walks into the office with a plastic bag in his hand. His footsteps come to a slow stop when he takes in the scene before him, “Oh,” is all he says.

Nanami lets out a sigh of relief, “Hey Gojo.”

“Nanami, I didn’t take you for someone that would bring their lady up to the office.”

You take in Gojo, this is your first time seeing him. He fits the description of how Nanami described you about one of his closest friends whose name was Gojo. You remember Nanami telling you about him over the phone one night, how the two of them had met back in college when they were assigned as roommates.

“He’s my closest friend, easy to spot, white platinum hair. He has an eye condition that makes him sensitive to bright lights so he often wears sunglasses to minimize the pain.”

“That’s so cute, you two like best friends?”

Nanami had chuckled, “Yeah, he can be annoying, but still my best friend.”

Gojo was wearing a white button-up, sleeves rolled up to his sleeves. You couldn’t help but notice how he and Nanami were matching with their outfits. Gojo wore black slacks and the black sunglasses Nanami mentioned, resting on his nose. Gojo pushes his glasses down to the tip of his nose and bends down so he’s eye level with you. You get a strong whiff of his scent, he smells nice. Really nice.

His hands are in his pockets, and he cocks his head to the side, “Nanami has told me a lot about you. You’re Y/N, I’m Gojo,” He sticks out his hand for you.

You can’t pinpoint it exactly, but there’s something fascinating about him. You take Gojo’s hand and shake it, “Nice meeting you, Nanami has told me a lot about you, too, Gojo.” His hand in yours is extremely large, just like Nanami’s.

Gojo stands up straight, “What were you two lovebirds up to?” He hands the plastic bag to Nanami, and when you look at him, Nanami looks relaxed. You on the other hand though, are sort of panicking, especially considering Gojo’s tone to his question directed towards you two.

Nanami sets the plastic bag onto his desk, “We were hanging here until I finished work.”

“Is that romantic?” Gojo asks with a smirk plastered on his face.

Nanami lets out a sigh and looks like he’s trying to consult a child that said a bad word during dinner, “Gojo,” He gives Gojo a stern glare.

Gojo puts his hands up, in surrender “Sorry.”

“Are you here to work late as well?” You ask Gojo.

“I never work late,” Gojo responds.

“He comes here to hang out with me sometimes,” Nanami fills in, “thanks for the snacks.”

“I didn’t know Y/N would be here so I didn’t get her snacks, but you two can share,” Gojo flashes you a wide smile.

“I’m okay,” You say, “but thank you.”

“Y/N, you can eat,” Nanami reassures you.

“The three of us can all share,” You suggest.

“If you’re okay with Gojo hanging out,” Nanami returns.

You nod your head, “Yes, it’s cool.”

Gojo pulls a chair and sits where the back of the chair is against his chest, legs spread wide on either side of the chair. He crosses his arms over the top of the chair and rests his chin on them, “Is the age difference between you two awkward?”

You and Nanami exchange looks, “I think it’s more so we’re getting used to it, still,” You tell Gojo, “it’s both our first time dating with this much of an age difference.”

Gojo nods his head, and with a playful grin, he comments, “Well, you two are cute together.”

Again, you and Nanami exchange looks but this look is bashful. You switch your gaze to Gojo, “What about you? Are you dating anyone?”

Gojo sets his glasses on top of his head, this is your first time getting a full view of his bare face. You won’t deny it, he’s handsome as hell. “Not at all, I’m available for everyone.”

“Do you two have sleepovers?” You ask both of them, fighting back a giggle.

“Oh most definitely!” Gojo beams.

“Sometimes we crash at each other's places,” Nanami remarks.

Gojo’s phone vibrates with a text message and he takes it out, the message says:

Lyla: gojooooo im hereeee miss.zzz youuu

Gojo’s body tenses at the message but he quickly regains himself, Nanami notices something is up. “Everything alright?” He asks Gojo.

Gojo smiles, “Oh yeah, everything’s good,” his phone vibrates again:

Lyla: COME DowN NowWWW ..HEreeee oflollzzz

Gojo shoves his phone into his pocket and stands up, clapping his hands, “Well, I’ve taken enough time for you two lovebirds. I’m gonna head out for the night.”

You tell Gojo, “It was nice meeting you, Gojo.”

Gojo’s eyes linger on you, without his glasses, you can’t tell what sort of look he’s giving you, “Likewise, Y/N. Nanami, let’s have a sleepover this weekend, okay?” Gojo slips his glasses back on.

Nanami knows Gojo is teasing him, “We’ll plan something out,” He plays along.

Gojo waves at you two and takes the elevator downstairs. On the way down, he clenches his fingers into fists by his side, not sure what to expect. Once he makes it down to the first floor and outside the building where the parking lot is, he sees Lyla outside with a glass bottle in her hand. Gojo also sees Geto’s car and him in the driver’s seat.

“Lyla,” Gojo says sternly, “what are you doing here?”

Lyla runs towards Gojo, throwing herself into his arms, “Gojo!” She whines, “I’ve missed you!”

The scent of alcohol overwhelms Gojo, “You’re drunk,” He states the obvious, his hands holding onto Lyla’s upper arms to keep her from falling over.

“Yo!” Geto greets from the driver’s seat, the window rolled down, “she begged me to bring her here.”

Gojo glares at Geto, explicitly imagining himself going over there and breaking his nose. He turns his attention back to Lyla, “I’ll take you home.”

“No!” Lyla cries out, her free hand clutching onto Gojo’s collar, “I want to fuck you.”

Gojo tenses up, “No, we’re getting you home.”

This pisses off Lyla as she shoves Gojo back, “But you fucked me last night!” Her voice echoes throughout the empty parking lot.

“Yeah, because you were sober,” Gojo states sharply, “you’re fucking drunk right now.”

Lyla leans in, her lips inches apart from Gojo’s, “Come on, baby, let’s just have fun tonight like we usually do.”

“Lyla,” Gojo grabs her wrist, “we’re getting you home.”

“Fuck you!” Lyla tries to shove Gojo but he holds her wrist firmly, “I had a glass of wine before we fucked last night!”

“Yeah, and you were sober last night,” Gojo reaffirms, “I’m not gonna have sex with someone who isn’t sober to fucking consent,” he says through gritted teeth. He takes his car keys out from his pocket, “Come on, I’ll get you home safe.”

Geto whistles, wrists dangled over the steering wheel, “You two about to start fist fighting?” He muses with a smirk.

Lyla lets out a shrill laugh, “Maybe!”

“Lyla, let’s go,” Gojo tugs at her wrist but she plants her feet, taking a drink from her bottle. “Lyla, please don’t do this,” Gojo pleads, his face somber.

It comes out of nowhere, Lyla pulls back from Gojo and she runs to the building where she smashes the glass bottle against the wall, glass pieces shattering all over the place. Lyla lunges towards Gojo, where her hand holds a piece of glass and cuts into Gojo’s shoulder, reaching down to his bicep. Gojo hisses from the impact but he still reaches out and grabs hold of Lyla’s shoulders, holding her in place.

“Fuck you!” Lyla screams at him, “Fuck you! Fuck you! FUCK YOU!”

Gojo hears Geto getting out of his car and running over to them, “What the fuck?!” Geto exclaims, grabbing Lyla and pulling her back. Lyla drops the piece of glass and bursts into tears. Gojo places his hand over his wound, his shirt stained with his blood. He can’t feel his shoulder or upper bicep.

“I’ll get her back to her place,” Geto says to Gojo, “I’ll make sure she’s safe.”

Gojo looks like he’s going to kill Geto, “Why did you decide to bring her here?!” He seethes, “I get you two are fucking cousins, but that doesn’t mean you gotta do everything she tells you to do.”

“She wouldn’t stop calling me,” Geto says over Lyla’s crying.

Gojo helps Geto carry Lyla to his car, and Gojo buckles Lyla into her seat. Gojo places his hand over Lyla’s cheek, his blood smearing across her cheek “Please get rest tonight,” He tells her only loud enough for her to hear.

Lyla is a blubbering mess, “I’m sorry, Gojo! I’m so sorry!”

Gojo reassures her, “I’m gonna be okay,” he looks over at Geto who is starting the car again, “text me when she’s in bed.”

Geto says, “I will.”

The two of them drive off and Gojo stands to the side of the road, breathing heavily, his hand over his cut. He can tell the cut might need stitches, the world around him spins, he stumbles over to the building and leans against it, trying to catch his breath. He’s gonna need to stitch this on his own. Just as Gojo is about to step away from the wall and head over to his car, he hears Nanami’s voice;

“Gojo, what the fuck happened?!”